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dreamingofmarauders · 5 months

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Heart of Stone

Sirius Black x GN!Reader

Summary: After repeatedly feeling disappointment from supposed friends, the last straw is when your heart shatters after the love of your life turns you away like everyone else, so you decide to harden your heart so much that nothing can ever hurt you again. Fourteen years later, the same man enters your life once again.

Warnings: Fake friends, feeling unloved, heart break, loneliness, mentions of death, crying, cussing, angst, a hint of fluff

Word Count: 4k

A/N: This one is a bit of a longer piece, I just recently finished it and I really loved this idea and I think it turned out not too bad. I tried to keep it GN!Reader but if it does not seem to be at any point, please let me know! Apologies if there are errors/typos, I tried my best to catch them. If you enjoy it don't forget to give it a like! A reblog would be appreciated as well :)

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

You sighed, eyes flitting between your friends, or that's what they said they were to you anyway. You, however, felt otherwise. Sure these people were in your year, half of them your dorm mates, but when they made plans without you, forgot you were there during conversations, you would feel your heart clench and feel otherwise.

You had known love from dear ones once, when you were young. But, fate had been too cruel to you and snatched your parents away from you just as you had entered Hogwarts. It had taken a huge toll on you, realizing your parents were gone forever. Sure, you had moved in with your uncle and aunt and their kids, but having already been distant from them, it affected the amount of love you received from them.

It took you some time but you were able to make friends slowly after you were able to accept the fact your parents weren't coming back. The years progressed and while you had initially loved your friends, now you felt more a tag along than anything. They barely acknowledged you and would only notice your presence if you suddenly spoke up.

You were tired of it and soon broke ties with them. However you were unaware at the time, but someone entirely different would enter your life and change everything for you.

That someone was Sirius Black.

You weren't even sure how it had begun but suddenly one day the Gryffindor began to ask you out, and continued to do so until you finally said yes some months later as you both neared the end of your sixth year.

And that was the best decision you had made.

You were beyond happy with Sirius and you couldn't imagine your life without him.

You were madly in love with Sirius Black.

Your life was looking all good.

Until now.

"What?" You breathed out in disbelief as you stared at the man in front of you.

It was a late autumn evening in 1981, and Sirius was over at yours. The two of you had yet to move in to a place together since Sirius stilled lived with his best mate, Remus, and since Remus struggled financially, sharing a flat the two best friends could pay for it together, which you and Sirius both understood how much easier it would make things for Remus.

It was always a joyous and lovely time whenever Sirius came over to your place, except now, you felt your whole world crashing down.

"You heard me the first time." He grunted out, "I want to break up."

Your lip wobbled as tears began to cascade down your cheeks.

"Why?" You whispered out, the heartache reflected in your voice.

Sirius looked at you with cold eyes, "Why? Because you're worthless and you were just a time pass for me, nothing more, I'm tired of you."

Those words were the last straw. You heard your heart shatter into a million pieces as the sobs escaped your mouth, your body wracking with each one. For once in your life after so long, you thought things were alright, that you were happy and loved. How could you have been so blind?

"I hate you, Sirius Black." You uttered out as you felt your knees buckle out from underneath you, making you fall to the floor as you cried. "I hate you so much." You said before shakily wiping your tears away as you stood up, trying to get a grip on yourself in front of him.

"Get out." You spoke, pointing to the door, "Get out of my home and never show me your face again." You ordered, staring into those grey irises you loved so much. You saw Sirius' face flicker with a different emotion which you couldn't decipher, before his face hardened and he turned on his heels, walking away and slamming the door behind him.

As the sound echoed off the walls, you let out a sob and finally let yourself crumble entirely.

"What did I do to ever deserve this?" You cried out, pouring your heart out as you let the tears flow.

Although after that day, you vowed to never let anyone hurt you again and to never shed a tear again.

So as James and Lily died and Sirius was sent to jail for their murder, you did not cry, and as Remus disappeared without a trace, you did not cry.

You had died the day Sirius had broken up with you, as each of his words had pierced your heart like a dagger. Now, all you had was a stone for a heart.

*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*

Many, many years after the end of the First Wizarding War, you stood once again in a similar situation. Voldemort had come back but everyone refused to believe James and Lily’s son, Harry Potter. So Dumbledore took matters into his own hands.

The Order of the Phoenix was back in business.

You sauntered in, causing all heads to turn and some to even gasp in surprise. After all, you had worked hard and become one of the top Aurors of the department.

“Glad to see you have finally arrived, Y/n.” Dumbledore said to you before turning to the whole room, “This here is Y/n L/n for those of you who may not know, and they will henceforth be joining us from today.”

Murmurs and nods of agreement filled the dining room before you were gestured to a seat by Dumbledore. You swiftly placed yourself on a chair, turning your full attention to the Hogwarts Headmaster. Although you of course felt that prickling at the back of your neck, the sensation of being watched.

You knew who it was, and you hated him. So you did the only thing reasonable.

You removed your gaze from Dumbledore to the Azkaban escapee, who watched you from the head of the table, your ex, Sirius Black, and stared him down with a coldness that sent the warm smile that erupted on his lips vanishing, making guilt flood his face.

Satisfied, you turned back to the Order Founder once again.

The meeting went on and before you knew it, your chair made a sound as it scraped against the floor when you stood up, as you headed out of the meeting room and straight for the main door of Twelve Grimmauld Place.

A hand caught onto your wrist, pausing your movement. You felt your body stiffen. Even after all these years, you still remembered his touch.

“Let go, Black, I have places to be.” You gritted out.

“Hear me out please.”

You immediately freed yourself from his grip and spun on your heels, glaring at Sirius who only watched you with a broken look. He had caused this and he had regretted it since that day and would regret his decision until his last breath. He had hurt his Y/n and turned you into this shell of a person.

“Like I said that day all those years back,” You began saying, “I don’t want to see your face.” You spat at him before turning to go, leaving Sirius stare after your retreating figure in guilt and heartache.

*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*

“He really misses you, you know?”

You looked up at the tall man beside you, your piercing gaze staring into his soul.

“It was his fault for whatever happened. He left just like you disappeared as well.” You replied making the Gryffindor’s expression turn into one of shame.

You had ran into Remus Lupin at the second Order meeting, seeing the werewolf after so many years, but like towards everyone that had hurt you, you had disregarded him.

Now as you and Remus were on your assigned mission together, the Gryffindor tried to make another attempt to get through to you.

“I’m sorry, you know that, Y/n.”

You let out a breath, “Focus, Lupin, danger could be anywhere.” You stated instead, ending the discussion altogether to which Remus shook his head in defeat, heaving a heavy sigh.

*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*

”Y/n/n.” He said as he corner you at the stairwell. You glared up at him as he caged you against the wall.

“Move Black, before I hex you.” You gritted out, making Sirius only shake his head.

“Not until you listen to what I have to say.”

You groaned, letting your head fall against the wall. Sirius had been persistent in his attempts to catch you, but you always got away from him quickly. To be frank, you were tired of it.

“Fine.” You said and watched Sirius’ face light up. “But after this, you will not try to approach me ever again, got it?”

Sirius’ smile dimmed but the hope in his eyes shone just as before. “I give you my word.”

You released a breath, irritatingly, pushing the man away, gesturing for him to follow you to the room that housed a small library. You both stood by the fireplace, the light creating shadows on your faces as you stared Sirius down.

“You have only a few minutes to explain your gibberish, so start talking, Black.” You said, your arms coming to fold over your chest as you began to tap your foot impatiently.

Sirius sighed, running a hand through his hair, “I am truly sorry for all the pain I caused you. I deserve every bit of your hate, but you need to understand I did it to keep you safe.”

You arched an eyebrow, letting out a cold, mocking laugh, “Seriously, Black?”

Sirius nodded, “You have every reason not to trust me but believe me, I only broke up with you because I needed to make sure you were safe.” He paused, sucking in a breath as you watched with slight curiosity, “I had originally agreed to become Lily and James’ Secret Keeper, and I knew I was going to be a big target.” Sirius paused, his voice choking, “I-I couldn’t have let you get harmed due to me, y/n/n, I loved you too much. I did what seemed reasonable at the time; To push you away.”

Sirius sank down into the armchair, holding his face, “Of course, not only did I fuck up by losing you for good but I suggested Peter as Secret Keeper, and that decision cost James and Lily’s lives.” He said, staring blankly into the fire.

Sirius dared a glance up at you only to discover that you were already gazing at him. There was a different, softer, emotion in your eyes, but Sirius couldn’t decipher what it really meant. He watched you open and close your mouth a few times, before loudly clearing your throat.

“I don’t know if your story is true or not but I’m sorry about James and Lily, they didn’t deserve any of it.” You paused, swallowing, “I’m sorry about you landing in Azkaban, because you weren’t at fault for their murders, but I can't forgive you, we could have worked something out but you made the choice to push me away and it worked. I can't ever forgive you for the pain you caused me.” With that, you looked at him, shaking your head slightly before walking off, leaving Sirius to stare after you as your words echoed around in his head, his heart dropping.

*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*

True to his word, Sirius had stopped pursuing you after that fateful day, for which you were grateful. However, you felt a rather peculiar feeling pulling your heart after that conversation, but you couldn't understand what it was and why it was bothering you.

One evening, you had been invited to a party to celebrate Ron and Hermione becoming Prefects at Grimmauld Place. You had just stepped out of the bathroom and were heading back to the dining room, when something caught your ear.

"Hey, isn't that Y/n?"

You paused, the voice seemingly coming from the room closest to you currently on the floor.

"It is." A rather familiar voice answered.

Sirius.

You quietly peeked into the room, only to find Sirius sitting, with what seemed to be a photo album laying open on his lap and Harry peeking over his shoulder.

"Wait... Are- Were you two..."

"A thing? Yeah, we were." Sirius said, his voice carrying a fondness that he had always used with you.

"But now you aren't together anymore? Why?" Harry questioned, his eyebrows furrowed as he scratched his scalp, reminding Sirius of his best friend.

"Because I messed up the best thing in my life." Sirius answered, his tone holding a somberness to it. "I thought it was best to break up with them to keep Y/n safe, but not only did I screw up there but my mistakes also cost your parents' lives, Harry."

There was a tense silence that felt suffocating to Y/n, who was listening carefully from the outside.

"Do you still love them?" Harry slowly asked, gazing at his godfather with sympathy and curiosity.

"Never stopped. Y/n's one of the reasons I was sane in Azkaban. I never stopped loving them, Harry, and I never will." Sirius answered, his eyes glossing over.

You felt your heart twist, something familiar coming up but you shook your head fiercely. You couldn't become weak.

Not again.

With an air of determination, you walked back to the party, unaware that the past was catching back up to you.

*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*

Months had passed since then, you had been on guard duty the most, guarding the prophecy in the Department of Mysteries. The one day you had not been able to attend your assigned shift because you had fallen ill, Arthur Weasley had been attacked by Voldemort’s snake, Nagini. Thankfully the ginger man pulled through and was fine. Some months after that, there was no trace of the white snow as June had long arrived, bringing warmer days.

Ever since you overheard Sirius talking about you with Harry, as much as you denied it, something had shifted in your heart. At times, your mind was full of thoughts of the raven haired man, or you’d secretly glance at him, although much to your dismay Remus had caught you once and he had been teasing you endlessly, knowing your long buried feelings were surfacing once again.

It was one day you were at Twelve Grimmauld Place, in the dining room after a meeting. Only a few of you remained behind, your fellow co-workers Mad-Eye Moody, Kingsley Shacklebolt and Nyphmadora Tonks, a good friend of yours, along with Remus, whom you had began to fix your friendship with and Sirius, who still received your coldness, which he willingly accepted. But that didn’t mean he hadn’t showed small gestures for you, whether that was making sure your glass of water was full at dinner, or going to bed after you had retired to your room for whenever you had to stay the night. Although you wouldn’t admit it but you were touched by his actions, reminding you of the sweet time from all those years back.

However all hell broke loose as you all received a Patronus, prompting you all to apparate out to the Ministry of Magic, as Harry and his friends had apparently ended up in the Department of Mysteries, where the Death Eaters were on their tail.

The group of you burst through into the room where they all were and that’s when all chaos broke loose. The Death Eaters turned onto the newly arrived and a huge battle broke out. You found yourself face to face with Rabastan Lestrange as you ran in.

His eyes lit up in delight, “Well if it isn’t the famous Auror L/n.” He cackled, “Too bad it’s time for you to finally be defeated.” And he shot a spell at you which you dodged, instead throwing a spell his way which he deflected.

Both of you were going back and forth but he hadn’t realized you were just making him feel a false sense of security.

He laughed again after deflecting another spell, “That all you got? You’re a disgrace to the name of an Auror, L/n.”

You finally smirked, “Bye bye, Lestrange." You uttered before casting a powerful spell, that too so quickly that the Death Eater noticed it a second too late, too absorbed in his self glory and went flying, hit a wall and fell down, unconscious.

It was a secret trick you used, knowing these people were too self absorbed about themselves that any small feeling of victory would have them letting their guard down.

Satisfied, you turned your eyes towards the others. However new shouts and people pointing had you looking up only to realize Albus Dumbledore, who had been on the run due to the Ministry wanting to arrest him, had also joined the battle.

Only one pair was still battling, apparently unaware of the new arrival. You watched Sirius duck Bellatrix's jet of red light: he was laughing at her.

''Come on, you can do better than that!'' He yelled, his voice echoing around the room.

Your eyes flitted to Bellatrix, whose face took on a deadly expression of determination.

You felt your feet begin to start moving, knowing this wouldn’t end well as Sirius was distracted. You had just screamed his name when the second jet of light hit him squarely on the chest. The laughter had not quite died from his face, but his eyes widened in shock.

“SIRIUS!” You shouted as his surprised gaze turned to you, and he began to fall, right back into the Veil and you felt your stomach drop.

Your years of training came into use and you managed to get there and caught his hand, pulling him back. You lost your balance and the pair of you fell onto the ground.

You heard Bellatrix cackle gleefully, shouting, “I killed Sirius Black!” And Harry, who was in a state of shock turned to her in anger and chased her all the way out, Dumbledore following. However, you couldn’t care less. You were numbly staring at Sirius’ limp body beside you, and suddenly your heart broke.

“SIRIUS!” You shouted out in agony, cradling his face. “Wake up, please! You can’t leave me again! Please wake up!” You cried, your head falling against his chest as you sobbed your heart out. “I love you.” You whispered out, too distraught that all your intelligence had left you. It’s only when Remus sat beside you, slowly grabbing you and letting you cry against him, that he, as a last attempt gripped Sirius' wrist due to which did you all find out he was still alive.

Some hours later, you all were back at Twelve Grimmauld Place, waiting for the Healer to fix up Sirius. As soon as the Healer left, you burst into the room, dropping to your knees by the bed, watching with tears of relief pooling in your eyes as you saw Sirius' chest evenly rise and fall.

He was alive.

Everyone else present at Headquarters took a little peek at him before leaving the room, knowing you and him needed time alone.

"You were right, Remus."

Remus, who was standing beside you, looked at you with a surprised expression, "What?"

"You were right, I had been lying to everyone including myself." You told him, gently stroking your thumb over Sirius' hand, gazing at him softly. "I think my feelings had come back a long time ago, I just was too stubborn to admit them." You confessed, your heart twisting. “If Sirius had died, how would I have lived with myself?” You said, turning to look at Remus, who looked at you with sympathy.

“But you have the chance now.” He answered, squeezing your shoulder encouragingly. A knock interrupted the two of you and you both turned to find Tonks sticking her head through the door.

“You got a second, Remus?” She said, to which the werewolf nodded and patted you gently on the shoulder before following the metaphormagus out. You watched him go and as the door shut, you turned to look back at Sirius, softly brushing a few loose strands of hair away from his face

He suddenly stirred, his face scrunching up before he flickered open his eyes, grey orbs flitting around as he tried to understand where he was.

"Siri?'

Your voice caught his attention and Sirius turned his head slightly to the side to look at you, his gaze filling up with love.

"Y/n/n?"

"How are you feeling?" You asked.

Sirius stared at you in surprise, finding you by his side, looking so worried which was completely astonishing to him, since you barely ever glanced at him.

"I think so." He groaned, eyes clenching shut for a brief moment, "I remember dueling Bellatrix and then a spell hit me but after that..."

"You almost fell through the veil. You almost died." You told him, your voice cracking on the last word making Sirius frown in concern as he sat up, pulling you up to seat you beside himself.

Your lip wobbled as tears began to cascade down your cheeks. "I am so sorry for everything. I-I-" A sob escaped you, "I was so hurt when you left that I told myself I'd never let anyone else in, and I held it against you when you were nothing but sorry."

Sirius felt his heart shatter and he moved to grab you but you shook your head, "I don't deserve you." You said, curling in on yourself as you finally let yourself cry, to let all those emotions buried deep within the chambers of your heart break free.

Sirius' grey eyes filled up with tears and he wrapped his arms around you, allowing you to sob into his chest.

"It's not your fault, love, it never was." He told you, caressing your head gently.

"I almost lost you today and I would have never forgiven myself if I had never got to tell you that I still love you."

Sirius stiffened, his mind buzzing while his heart began to thump loudly in his chest. He couldn’t believe his ears.

“You what?” He uttered out in disbelief. You pulled away, wiping your face before placing your hands on either side of Sirius’ face.

“I love you, Sirius Black.” You expressed, your lips turning up into a small smile. "I love you so much."

Sirius stared at you with slightly rounded eyes before he smiled so wide that you melted.

“Am I dead and in heaven?”

“Sirius!” You scolded, smacking him very lightly on the chest for his mischief.

Sirius let out a bark of laughter before his eyes filled up with love and fondness, his grin not leaving his face.

“I love you so much, darling.” He practically whispered, his voice reflecting his heart. “I love you so much.”

You beamed at that before letting your hands slide to his neck, your breathing beginning to pick up as Sirius moved his hands down to your waist. Your eyes flickered between his eyes and back, him doing the exact same. You both leaned in, your eyes slowly fluttering and you gently attached your lips to his.

At that, memories of all those years came rushing back. The feel of each other, the kisses, the hugs, the happiness, the love.

The kiss was slow and soft but once you both got a taste of each other, emotions became high and the two of you got more aggressive, Sirius picking you up and placing you on his lap as you both deepened the kiss, wanting more of each other as the two of you had been deprived of each other for so long.

A sudden throat clearing made you jump and the pair of you pulled apart only to find a smirking Remus and a gleeful Tonks.

“So I guess it’s time for a celebration huh?” The young woman said, eyeing her cousin and friend.

“I think it’s best if we leave these two alone.” Remus commented, throwing a wink your way to which you flipped off them both, earning chuckles out of everyone.

Sirius pulled you close, kissing your cheek before you rested your head on his shoulder.

After long and lonely years, your heart had returned to its previous state, like it had been all those years ago, before it had hardened into stone.

Your heart was back with Sirius Black and his was yours.

Forever and always.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.