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destinygoldenstar · 1 year

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Ranking Every Just Dance 2023 Map For New Years

So. New years have arrived. To think I have 75 followers now. That’s insane. You guys are awesome.

I guess I should do something for New Years, huh?

Let’s see...

Oh! I know!

I’m gonna rank every level from Just Dance 2023!

Why am I doing this?

2023.

That’s the only reason.

Okay, for a bit of my background on the game franchise, I’m not a hardcore Just Dance stan, and I am a bad dancer. At least, I was told that by my oh so nice friends ( /j )

However, I remember a lot of fun times I had with the games. One of my friends birthday parties was a dance party with one of the games. In my middle school gym classes around the end of the year, Just Dance was an option to play for the class, and I ALWAYS chose that. We had four people do a dance at a time on the Wii as a little competition. I never won once :(

And even at my senior high school holiday party, we had one of these sessions...

Dancing to the dreaded Rasputin.

That had me drained of energy the rest of the week. That map HAUNTS MY DREAMS.

In terms of myself OWNING a Just Dance Game though... I never did. Yeah, despite my fun, I didn’t own a game myself.

UNTIL this very Christmas, where I got 2023 as a gift from my parents.

I LOVE this game, needless to say. I didn’t even know they were still making Just Dance games since like, 2016, so I was in LOVE with the evolution of the gameplay. And the song choices? MWAH. MY CUP OF TEA RIGHT HERE.

This might be one of my favorite Just Dance games I’ve ever played. (Which is not a high bar, so don’t get mad at me)

I actually made this game my new workout routine. I DESPERATELY need exercise for my weak nerd arms, especially for a community performer who can’t help with stage work even if I tried. So this game is gonna be my fun workout routine every day. A gym? What’s that? (I’m still healthy either way, so leave me alone)

And, well, from this being fresh in my mind, and 2023 in the title, I decided to make this my New Years gift to you all to celebrate 2023.

I bet none of you asked for this.

Keep in mind, I am NOT a good dancer, and from my background of Just Dance, I don’t have a lot of knowledge on what makes a Just Dance map good or not. This is just gonna be based on my enjoyment of these maps. I could love a map that’s poor quality by Just Dance standards. Idk, I wouldn’t know.

ALSO, if you’re gonna ask about the rules of the ALT versions...

I will NOT be ranking ANY of the ones with the actual human coaches.

Those are all TRASH in case you’re wondering. I hate them. They take away from the creativity and magic of Just Dance maps by having them be real backgrounds for me, and I don’t like it when game developers exploit real people for profit.

So I’m just gonna ban those from my mind.

Then there’s the issue of the versions of the maps, one regular and one extreme... I would say I’d only rank the maps separately if they are different from each other enough, but... I can’t determine that.

So I’m just gonna talk about the maps I want to talk about.

If I don’t mention one, I apologize in advance.

So, let’s get this train wreck started...

X Tier

48:

Zooby Doo

I hate Zooby Doo.

Before the dance even started I knew I’d hate this map.

This is baby game bait, and it nauseates me that executives forced this on talented choreographers who worked on this game. The entire map screams, ‘this is for babies, and absolutely no one else’

The song is awful. Must I say more?

The backgrounds are awful. I don’t understand why they’re all inflatables.

The coaches are awful. ONE OF THEM IS NAMED ‘DOODOO’...

...

ANYWAY, the coaches are awful. The designs are really bad with no coherences whatsoever, and the inflatables they’re wearing is so distracting and limits leg movement.

Oh, and it’s a duo map. I don’t like duo maps. I think they rely too heavily on using a partner, which if you’re doing it solo, you basically cannot do the dance. Even the best maps suffer from being duo maps because of this.

And I might, MIGHT have forgiven it all if the dance was at least fun.

It’s not.

There is little to NO choreo at all here. It’s just flailing around to obnoxious music. And when you’re just dying for the map to end, it K E E P S G O I N G.

I am never touching this map ever again.

47:

Stay (Inflatable Version)

...no.

46:

Top Of The World

I like the song.

And that song deserves SO MUCH BETTER.

This in my eyes is only a commercial for a Paddington ripoff.

Actually, if it was Paddington, I think the map would've been so much better. Mostly because I could follow a bear as a dance coach better than a crocodile, which has little limbs and a big tail!

(Also why is the croc sad at the start? That’s never explained)

This dance is easy, and yet it still feels impossible to do because the coach is so unreliable.

And the backgrounds are... not good. Apparently this map REALLY hates color. NOT EVEN FOR THE WRISTBAND THAT’S MEANT TO GUIDE THE PLAYER.

You know, this is a commercial for a CHILDRENS MOVIE, and yet you provide NO COLOR.

That’s absurd to me.

Or, I don’t know how children’s entertainment becomes successful for children.

45:

Danger High Voltage (16 Bit Version)

How do you RUIN the concept of a 16 bit map?

This is how!

Destroy the energy of the original.

Make the 16 bit backgrounds inconsistent and hard to follow.

Make your coach fart to remove enemies.

Make your coach DAB.

Did you know that in one of my middle school community productions? We all had to do a dance battle in a superhero themed show in front of several people, and at the end, we were all supposed to strike a superhero pose.

Then, the directors decided to YEET that idea in favor of the entire stage DABBING. Because ‘it's trendy’.

I hated dabbing ever since.

And I hate it when directors use ‘it’s trendy’ as an excuse.

The dancing really kills any potential this map really had, and the moments I pointed out already destroy it. It’s above the others for at least being a dance I can follow.

Ok Tier

44:

Walking On Sunshine

This is not in the bottom tier because the song is actually kinda catchy.

Other than that, this map is NOT GOOD.

I don’t usually mind coach switches because they’re used in clever ways and aren’t just thrown in there. Here though, there is SO MANY switching coaches that it feels nauseating more than anything else.

And I can tell this is borrowing nostalgia from previous games due to the intro yeeting out a coach for a worse designed version of them. And when half of them are doing their own collective dance, and the other half are doing their own unique one, how am I supposed to understand what to do besides flail about? THE DIRECTIONS DON’T HELP EITHER.

The stick person idea is okay on paper, but is executed terribly. These aren’t stick figures being stick figures, these are knockoffs of previous maps, like I said. And they’re doing a bad job at such.

43:

Stay

There’s only one reason this map is this low.

I HATE this song!

I can’t stand this song.

The censors being incredibly distracting in the map and wherever is the LEAST of it’s problems. I even hate the uncensored version of this song. I think it’s obnoxious and devoid of substance besides trying to win a world record of ‘how much can we cuss in our chorus?’

And I don’t even hate songs automatically for cussing. Welcome To The Internet is one of the best songs of all time if you’d ask me.

I’m not even one of those ‘new generation music is bad’ people. But I feel like those kind of people point to this song specifically to make their claim.

That’s the only reason why I’m not playing this map again other than to make this list. Because I don’t like the song.

The map otherwise is okay though.

The coach looks nice, I think the city background is pretty and I like the defiance of gravity. I think it could have a Spiderverse-esque feel if it went above and beyond with the concept.

Man, those elements just get overshadowed by a terrible song choice though.

42:

Dynamite

Why does this map feel so dirty?

I get the lyric is ‘Funk and Soul’

Yet to me it sounds like ‘F**king Soul’

One of the dancers lift a finger at one point, and they’re in the back so it makes me think it’s a middle finger.

And at the end that same dancer does a pose you see in a lot of sex stuff.

That’s the most interesting thing about this map. The rest of the map did not do it for me.

The song is... fine.

The choreo is... fine. Though this is the Extreme level, and it wasn’t very hard for me.

The background is... fine. Though they spin the camera around the bar at one point that makes me feel sick. Especially when they show all that junk food afterwards. Unlike a map like Wannabe where the bright colors are controlled with a mundane background without the flare, this map is all bright colors, no exception. This map kinda gave me a seizure. Especially when there’s WAY too much going on.

If you can get behind that, it’s an... okay map. But I don’t think I’m gonna play it again.

41:

Drivers License

I think this one is either you like it or you don’t.

I don’t.

I don’t like this song. That’s fully personal taste for me. And the map nothing to help me get invested in it. It’s so slow and boring, and the choreo is aggressively repetitive.

I think this is meant to be an emotional one, yet it’s clearly trying to hard. The entire focus is on these silhouettes of the couple and the coach looking oh so sad the whole time. If the coach is sad, why would I want to dance, you know?

At least I don’t feel sick dancing to this one.

40:

If You Wanna Party

I think this one does get a LITTLE too much flack. The choreo is actually pretty fun to dance to when you actually play it, and for that alone, I do find myself coming back to it.

Especially Jack Rose’s solo bit. Jack Rose is best coach. I don’t care what anyone says.

What really is the issue here is the song. The song did not do much for me. I don’t find myself listening to this song outside of the map. I am NOT one of those ‘new generation songs suck’ people, I just choose which songs I like and which ones I don’t. I think that’s for a lot of people.

Plus I think the song is pretty nostalgia heavy with these past game maps floating in the background. Personally, I think it would’ve been better to use examples from the first three games or so than what appear to be maps from later in the series. That’s just me tho, and I think it would’ve felt like a better celebration of the franchise than what we got.

I do come back to this one for the choreo, but I personally would’ve been okay with the story mode ending with Majesty.

39:

Telephone (Runaway Version)

I have never been more disappointed with an ALT than this.

You guys probably already know where the original Telephone map is on the list.

For now though, this one is... not great.

First off, they’re seated the whole time.

Second, it’s a duo map, which I don’t like those.

Third, this choreo drains all the energy from the song. There is next to nothing interesting happening to me. I guess the coach’s enthusiasm is enough to save it, and I love the song either way, and I can appreciate the INTENTION of a seated performance, but I expected such a better ALT to Telephone than this.

Why couldn’t we get an Extreme Level of this song?!

38:

Million Dollar Baby

I almost mistaken this one for the real people dance. But TECHNICALLY no.

It’s Ava Max dance coaching her own song with some pretty diamonds everywhere. Pretty pretty.

Whoop dee doo. Moving on.

Good Tier

37:

We Don’t Talk About Bruno

I didn’t know where to place this tbh. I’m still questioning why this exists.

But it has it’s moments. I like how close it resembles the movie version and makes it feel like you’re interacting with the people around you.

The background characters though... yikes.

And I like the choreo on the bridge solo with Mirabel.

I have nothing else to add, just... why?

36:

Sissy That Walk

The placement is simple: This is just not my thing. But it is well made, and I like the coach singing as well and even being ooped by the censors. Not much else to say.

35:

Heat Waves

I actually find this map kinda wholesome. You know, for a robot map and easy choreo and a song I don’t care for. I dunno, this robot coach is adorable, and there’s nothing really bad about this one.

But the choreo does limit the player a little bit, especially when the robot spins it’s arms. Humans don’t have that joint capability sillyheads!

34:

Disco Inferno

This one has some value to it for sure. It has a bit of the charm of Magic, just with a devil instead of an angel. It’s not as good as Magic though, and it’s very... twentieth century. (I never heard of this song before, so I don’t know when it was made)

33:

Playground

Here’s a TOTALLY unpopular opinion...

Arcane is AMAZING.

I don’t talk about it on my blog because it contains certain subjects I fear I won’t be able to talk about without offending someone. Kinda like when I review Dhar Mann. However, it’s easily one of the best quality shows of the DECADE. And we’re only at 2023! And I doubt it’s gonna change!

So of COURSE this amazing show was gonna get a Just Dance map. It just makes sense...

And it’s... okay?

I heard a lot of people say Enemy would’ve been better, and... yeah. But Playground is a good song too. I think our love for Enemy overshadows the rest of the good songs in Arcane quite a bit tbh.

I come back to this one quite a bit more than the others I talked about before actually, which is why it’s higher.

Plus the backgrounds are beautiful and the dance resembles Arcane pretty well. I didn’t even expect there to be any of the psychosis scribbles, but I’m glad they added that there.

My biggest gripe with this though is that this should NOT have been an easy level. Arcane is an INSANE show that is FAR from easy to understand. I think to represent the show, the map should’ve been at least a Hard difficulty.

That would’ve definitely suited Jinx and let her go WILD with this dance. It IS Jinx after all, she would never take things so easy, let alone have her choreo be this repetitive with it’s chorus.

Or it could’ve had an Extreme ALT with Vi in it at least. That would’ve been AMAZING.

Yeah I know it’s a commercial for a show like it was for the crocodile map but... come on. There’s a clear difference in potential here. An Extreme ALT to Playground would make you so much money Just Dance! At least I would’ve played it.

32:

More (Seraphine Version)

This is just more More.

*Cue laugh track*

Let me rephrase that.

This is just More but with Seraphine and easier choreo, and more of a stray from the music video it’s based on, which is fine, I’m glad they tried something different.

Unfortunately, the different they came up with isn’t as interesting as the original More to me. It’s just a ton of blue backgrounds, and Seraphine. Though to be fair, Seraphine alone makes this ALT worth it.

31:

Majesty

I’m sorry. This is one of the goofier ones for me.

But I do have to give the song a LOT of credit for it’s style. Replicating ALL of the story mode’s dancers styles into one is genuinely challenging, and I have to give my props to the battle style of it all.

That said, there’s a few things holding it back for me.

I think this kind of level was missed potential. Basically, when the coaches change up all the time, you only get to pick based off of the first coaches and then you go with whoever is on the side of the map. This makes it difficult for people to pick if they want to dance to the Good or Evil of the dance’s story. This is especially the case for Jack Rose, who switches sides halfway through. Yet you only get to dance with him if you pick Evil. But picking Evil also means you have to dance as these boring raven minion things for fifty percent of the song.

The song itself is also... not my cup of tea. I’m sorry, but I can’t get into it.

This makes the entire dance goofy for me, but I guess since it’s a dance battle, that’s the point. But idk, the heart kiss in the direction part (why you blowing a kiss to an evil witch?) And the way Mihaly just shows up in the crowd WATCHING from the sidelines and letting Sara do all the work.

I feel like if they used a different song and you got to choose which of ALL the coaches present you could play as, this could’ve been a masterpiece. But as is, it’s far from that.

30:

Woman

I can actually get behind this map.

And I don’t even like the song that much.

But for what the dance is, it’s actually kinda easy to get into. I like the coach’s designs and I think the choreo, while easy, is still fine to get into. I was expecting this dance to be so much more aggressively sexual given the song it’s attached to, but I was pleasantly surprised.

There’s not much to say about this one. It’s good. The song just isn’t for me.

29:

Watch Out For This

I have no excuse.

This, quality wise, should not be this high. The choreo and coach designs are hilariously awful. And the song is... geez.

But that’s why I love it. This is THE guilty pleasure map. This is ironic enjoyment. I have a good time with this map and how stupid it is. It’s not well made together, but all it’s faults laugh in its face and come together to make something special.

Everything is SPECTCULARLY mediocre at best.

28:

Radioactive

Yes. I like Radioactive. I think this dance style is very creative and a GREAT arm workout, which is what I’m looking for.

Do not let this fool you. This is a HARD dance to do. That difficulty rating is a lie.

I like how their arms manipulate the backgrounds around them, and the song is... not my favorite from Imagine Dragons. But I don’t hate the song, so I can live with it. Personally, I would’ve gone with Natural.

However, I think this dance is pretty underrated.

27:

Therefore I Am

I don’t really like how the background has the lyrics of the song. It’s annoying, and it also shoves the song’s censors in your face. Which is a shame because otherwise, I wouldn’t have noticed it because I thought the censors were well handled.

This choreo is actually pretty cool to dance to otherwise. And the background is neatly stylized.

And yes, I also looked at Happier Than Ever from 2022. That one is ten times a better Billie Eilish Just Dance map in every single way.

26:

Can’t Stop The Feeling

This map is THE intro to the game. And it shows. Honestly this song is SO dance worthy that I find it very hard to believe it took THIS long for it to get in a game. (Or was it used in a previous game? Idk, let me know)

I know I said I hated the game using real people, but here it’s fine with me because it’s only in an intro and Sara gets an Alter Ego when she steps into the Danceverse. (I love Sara’s coach design btw) The Danceverse itself is so much fun and the song accompanies that very well.

Especially when these dimensions are filled with cameos of previous Just Dance games that I know nothing about. (There was a level that took place in a laundry room?)

That’s really what’s holding it back for me. That and the choreo, being easy and all, is nothing special. I think this map is made for nostalgia bait for hardcore Just Dance fans. For casual players like me, I don’t think it’s gonna do much. But it’s fun.

AND THAT ENDING THO-

25:

Good Ones

Good choreo.

Good background.

Good coach.

A little repetitive but it’s all good.

Would’ve been great if it was longer.

It’s a Good One.

*Cue laugh track*

24:

Toxic (Extreme)

Yeah I’m sorry, this Extreme level didn’t do much for me. This is one instance where I feel like the two levels are different enough to be ranked separately. However, I DO prefer the ‘easier’ version of the map to this.

This one is less creative to me. I get it’s meant to be more ‘dangerous’ with the lasers, but that’s about it. It’s definitely an Extreme level, don’t get me wrong, the rating isn’t a lie, but I don’t care.

There’s not much story to this map whereas the easier version did. This is just ‘sneak past the lasers’

And there is WAY too much spinning in this choreo, which is crazy of a complaint because of how creative some of these spins are. But they get overshadowed when nearly every part of the song has spinning to it.

This level, to me, is just ‘More Toxic’

*cue laugh track*

23:

Wouldn’t It Be Nice

This map is SO ADORABLE OMG

But sadly this is only a cover of the song :(

Really though, I love the use of claymation to put this together. Just Dance didn’t have to do this, but they did.

This, and Pinocchio. Must be the year for claymation.

The dance is so adorable and wholesome, and the backgrounds are so cute that they interact with the song. I like the cat is in the background at one point to foreshadow the ending. Which... WOW.

But sadly it’s a duo map so it loses points for me.

Also I can’t tell if this map hates badgers or they’re just discriminative towards the third wheel of every friend group. Which is occasionally me :(

Super Tier

22:

Danger! High Voltage

Now THIS is what we call, JUST THROW EVERYTHING OFF THE WALL AND HOPE IT STICKS

And I think with the song, this was the right map to do that. I never even heard of this song before this game, and I don’t think I’d listen to it 24/7, but it’s an okay song.

What really sells this map is the coaches and their wild crazy energy. This dance is just one big punk competition on two people trying to best each other, and that’s literally the context of the map.

This one, to me, is the ‘let’s pray to god no one’s watching you dance this’ map. Because they’d question what the heck is going on.

That said, it’s still a duo map. I don’t really like the duo maps. I would do the ALT, but... we talked about it.

21:

I Knew You Were Trouble

Would’ve been higher if the choreo wasn’t so repetitive. (How is this not ranked easy?)

But I do like the song, and I think the map tells the story very well. Plus I enjoy the cosplay in it.

20:

Boy With Luv (Extreme Version)

I don’t have much to say about this besides... solid. Very solid. The song just isn’t my thing. But it’s still a very well put together map.

19:

Boy With Luv

Same thing. I just like the miniature aesthetic more.

18:

As It Was

Great visuals. Chill song but it’s fine. And there’s some relaly neat choreo here like kneeling on the floor in a jump. Love that move actually.

WHY IS THERE A RANDOM PLANE ENGINE IN THE MIDDLE-

17:

Here’s something that’s totally not unpopular of an opinion, but I LOVE K/DA songs.

Yeah I know, the unfollow button is right there.

I’ve seen several of the music videos of them, and I listen to a few of the songs on loop.

But I will admit, More is one of my weaker K/DA songs if I were to rank them. That’s why this is one of the weaker Extreme levels for me.

With that said, I don’t think non-K/DA fans know how much effort was put into this map. The backgrounds, the choreo, the costumes, and even the twist at the last chorus, ALL stem from the music video. And yet it doesn’t feel unnatural to me. Honestly, I condemn them for sticking to the spirit of the music video. Right down to SEREPHINE! *fangirl squeal*

If I had any gripes with it, I think the models they used on the girls don’t work for me too well, as their faces are way too wide for the models in the video that I’m used to. Their costumes also aren’t anything special (though that’s not Just Dance’s fault) And again, this is far from my favorite song from K/DA.

I know I said I didn’t play the previous Just Dance games so often, but I did see a ranking video of 2022, saw Pop Stars was a map, and I checked it out. While I think that map clearly favored Akali when the video it’s based on gave all the girls time to shine (and More seemed to fix that as every girl has a solo bit) I do think I like PopStars as a Just Dance map MORE than... well, MORE, because PopStars is one of my favorite K/DA songs next to Villain, I think the models and costumes are better, and it feels less... busy. And even if they favor Akali in the map, it’s not very hard to see why.

That’s just a me thing tho.

16:

Woman (All Mother Version)

Now THIS is an ALT.

I think the song fits the All Mother so much better than the regular coaches, and she mops the floor with the song’s style. And the choreo here is a lot more fun than the original.

Huh. I prefer an ALT over the original. How about that?

15:

Sweet But Psycho

RASPUTIN, YOU DREADED NIGHTMARE.

Despite that, this map is real pretty. This is definitely one of the more chaotic maps, but I think it works in it’s favor. And the costume of the coach and the rose petals?! WOW.

With that said, this choreo is repetitive. Nearly every chorus is the same. Right down to the verses as well.

It’s a well put together map though, but KEEP RASPUTIN AWAY FROM ME.

14:

Psycho

This one is definitely something special. I think the map utilizes the song to the max. I love the castle going out of sorts as the song goes on, you know, actually UNDERSTANDING what the phrase psycho means! (Sorry Sweet but Psycho)

I also LOVE the costumes of these coaches.

So why is this not any higher?

The choreo.

I’m SORRY. But this isn’t very strong choreo for me. There’s some bits I liked but others I found goofy, like the part where they hold each other and just bop for no reason. I don’t mind goofy choreo if it’s a goofy map, but this is designed to be a more sophisticated map.

And also, Extreme level? No. This was NOT very hard of a dance for me. This feels more like a Hard bordering Medium for me.

If it lived up to the Extreme level label, maybe this’d be higher.

13:

Anything I Do

This song is SO EXHAUSTING.

And that’s a good thing.

I love the style and feel of this map, especially for a song I’ve never heard before. If it weren’t for the slow mo of the dancers in the background and the excessive dropping, which gets old pretty quick and becomes predictable, this could’ve easily made the next tier up.

Perfect Tier

12:

Magic

This is going to sound INCREDIBLY stupid, but...

This map, to me, is CRAZY underrated.

Technically, it’s not the most complicated choreo in the world and is definitely repetitive. (a lot of the easy levels are, to be fair)

However, everything else about the map makes me so giddy whenever I play it. I come back to this level so many times because it’s such a feel good map. The coach is gorgeous, the stars and rainbows help the magic feel, the song itself is magic *cue laugh track*

And the lights around the last third are a very sweet edition.

This is one of my cooldown maps after a workout honestly. Quality wise compared to the others, I shouldn’t love this one as much as I do, but I do anyway. It’s my ranking.

(Also this coach is my avatar)

11:

Rather Be

This one is REALLY underrated. If you were to ask me which of the story mode’s dance style I fall in line the most with, it’s Mihaly.

I can definitely get behind their choreo and the map itself is TOTALLY my style. You know how many times I’ve escaped reality with earbuds and go to magical places?

My college hates earbuds for some reason :(

My biggest gripe is that for a song about going off to imaginary places, they use the same examples every time. I think there’s a bit of wasted potential there. But the world we got is still nice to look at.

This map also has a panda, which reminds me of my sibling, and they never wanna dance with me, so this song is the best way I can dance with them.

Great map that deserves more attention.

10:

Toxic

Is this a remaster?

This is too good for a remaster. I love the secret agent story behind it and the plane background. I love how the coach is disguised for most of the dance, which makes her red spy costume all the more eye catching. I love the choreo for this one, I love how two guys in the VIP section are taking a bath together and yet Just Dance thinks ‘sex’ deserves to be censored, I love how the third chorus has the dancing make her DODGE LASERS, and I love how the pilot dude is okay with this spy flying the plane in the end. I dunno, he’s just like ‘Eh, I’ve been kidnapped and tied up, but she’s hot, so I’ll gladly lose my career and put my passengers in danger.’

I guess the only thing is that the coach is sliding across the scene the whole time and it looks a bit silly.

Great map tho.

Love Me Land

The biggest problem with this map is that it’s too short.

Mostly because the song is too short.

This song is so groovy and fun with excellent choreography that is my jam to dance to. The coach is HOT. The lighting is fantastic. The map, while only one room, utilizes it to the fullest. It’s just a GREAT MAP...

AND IT’S TOO SHORT.

If it was a longer map, this could’ve easily been higher.

Witch

A deliciously villain song. Or dance in this case.

The choreo is repetitive, but I think it works for the witch character, who just wants to control the other dancers to her movements. And there’s still some really impressive parts as well, my favorite part with the arches moving like ticks on clocks.

Great map.

Physical

You know when I said I played this game for a workout?

Well this map seemed to have that in mind.

I LOVE the map just for that. The warmup stretches at the start? THAT GOLD MOVE WHEN YOU GET ON THE FLOOR?! The coach being an energetic queen? The people dancing with her?

This is SO CLOSE to making the top tier. The only thing holding it back is that the choreo in the chorus gets repetitive. It’s fun choreo, but it unfortunately bugs me using it in every chorus with little to no alteration. If it wasn’t for that, it would be top tier.

With that said, I still love this map. Again, the energy is through the roof. It’s been awhile since I heard the song, but I’m glad it’s in the game because it really makes you want to dance. I love the mall background as well, as the interactions with the people in it makes the entire place feel alive, even the colors that get added as you dance are you kidding me?! And I don’t even like malls.

Really, if I were to do the game for the sole purpose of working out, this one is gonna be one of my first picks.

YEAH Tier

Physical (Extreme Version)

The issue I had with the original is gone. And the choreo is harder.

This is basically if the original had no problems and made it to this tier. All the love I had for the original applies here for the most part, except here it’s completely solo designed specifically for workout purposes.

But I am NOT doing that split at the end. You can’t make me.

Now all we need is an Extreme Version to Locked Out Of Heaven and Rather Be.

LESS Zooby Doo Just Dance. Give us what we want!

Locked Out Of Heaven

Jack Rose is best coach.

At first, this looks like a regular good level, but actually experiencing the map itself is on another level.

A wannabe dancer being in the show of an oppressive figure who disapproves of their dancing pride is an okay idea for like, a story. But this is a Just Dance map, the simplicity of that story makes it so much deeper. Especially when we actually get to dance with them as though we’re cheering them on.

I love how the witch is constantly in the background to show that she’s watching him. I love the mic thing he has to dance with. (I actually danced to this with a broomstick) I love how that doesn’t get in the way of the choreo.

Said choreo is excellent. It’s nothing extreme, but it doesn’t need to be. It’s a dance to let loose to and imagine yourself in another world where you’re loved and seen, just like the coach imagines.

The only gripe is the word ‘Sex’ being censored for no reason.

I can get past the censors in the game, I know they’re necessary, and they don’t distract me in most maps because the focus is the dance. This is an exception though. ‘Sex’ is not a bad word.

Danger High Voltage had ‘hell’ in it, and no one censored that. That’s bs to me.

Really, that gripe only makes me want to sing to the map when I play it, and I think that makes the experience with the map better for me, so... what could I complain?

Let me know, is Jack Rose in any other Just Dance games? Is he basically the Bruno Mars dancer?

Numb

An artist painting their brains out of a numb state of creativity.

Incredible.

I ADORE this map’s art direction with the pastels. And yet somehow none of it feels like too much. Given the map’s context, too much is kinda what it’s going for.

The coach is phenomenal as well, in both versions of themselves. With the colored version it’s a little hard to see their arms with the sleeves, but I think that’s the point. This choreo wants you to let it all loose.

The way the dance transitions to black and white to all these rapid colors, to the glass shards making both sides collide so seamlessly?!

If I was more familiar with the song, this could’ve made top three.

Bring Me To Life

Did this have to HIT as hard as it did? No. But it did anyway.

This map is phenomenal in so many ways. And I do not usually say that about the duo maps. It makes the Gold Move hard to do without a partner, and with someone like me, doing the Gold Move even with a partner would be... impossible.

That’s the ONLY issue though. The rest of the map is near PERFECT.

I grew up with Evanescence music, and this is my favorite song of theirs. This map not only dances to the song, but they TELL A STORY using the song as well!

These doll coaches are out of time in their happy little clock tower, and though they want to be saved and live longer, the tower’s destroyed, and they themselves have to accept their own demise.

That is HEAVY for Just Dance. And yet it portrays it subtly enough that it does not feel like it’s trying too hard (unlike some other maps).

The choreo also tells this story, with the split being them reaching out to the 4th wall with the ‘save me’ lyric accompanying it. The solo parts of each dancer having the other one reaching out to them. The end part being a hug as they vanish?!

The costumes of the coaches, the tower, the clock background, it’s all phenomenal with it’s atmosphere. It sets the rest of the dance and hooks you in as you just immerse yourself in the dance.

This song deserved an ALT for the people doing the dance solo.

Wannabe

So... I have a few things to say about this one.

First, the song. Before Just Dance, I’ve NEVER heard this song before. But now that I have heard it... YEAH!

I listen to this song on loop now, and currently am as I’m writing this.

And the backgrounds? YEAH!

Are they borrowing from Spiderverse? Not very likely, but still, this map just POPS in the color department and somehow does not feel busy. I don’t know how you pull that off. (Maybe it’s the city background looking mundane on purpose to make this comic book world come to life?)

I dance to this one multiple times JUST so I can catch every detail of the map. And I still don’t think I scratched the surface. The colored sound wave on the speakers? The comic book transitions to different areas of the city? The speech bubbles displaying the lyrics? The effort and creativity is off the roof! I’m scared to take my eyes off the map for even a second because I feel like I missed something.

And it’s not like the dance is lacking either. This is probably my favorite Extreme level choreo of the entire game. I am dead serious. I’m a bad dancer, and yet I want to learn this dance better, especially cosplay as these coaches.

Easy Top Tier map for me. I was caught by surprise for sure.

Telephone

You knew this one would be #1 before you even clicked on the post.

You were just here to see how I ranked the other maps.

Every other ranking I’ve seen has this at either number 1 or number 2, and the ones who put it at number 2 only did so because they had some sort of bias towards their number 1.

After playing it myself...

They weren’t wrong.

They are absolutely right.

EVERYTHING about this map is complete and utter PERFECTION.

I don’t even know where to begin!

First off, the song. This is one of my favorite Lady Gaga songs. I could not be happier seeing this song in the game this time. And I didn’t even anticipate the map to be my favorite at first.

Second, the aesthetic. Genius. For those who don’t know, there’s an extended cut of the song, which is mostly just talking and less song. Basically, it tells the story of a party fanatic getting bailed out of prison and being on the run. Welp, apply it as the aesthetic to the Just Dance map and give us one of the best costumes for a coach of the game! (I love this outfit to death)

Third, the choreo. It’s just Medium level, and yet it has as much energy and pizazz as an Extreme level, without even being an Extreme level. The stomping everywhere, the hand motions, crouching down with sass, the other criminal girls yanking your coach with strings, the upper body only part with the phone and banging at the cell wall?! And so many other moments tat would take forever to mention. Suffice to say, I love Lady Gaga maps. Even before I even got the game, I always wanted to do the Lady Gaga maps.

And what do you know? The coaches from those maps return here and get a bit of the song to themselves! What more do you want? This feels like a tribute to her work for the franchise. And yet these cameos don’t overshadow the main coach of the dance or the others. They’re a part of the map’s story as well. They’re ALL in that prison!

(There’s also the bridge with their mugshots)

This song is on all my playlists in Just Dance, and will probably continue to be on them. I love Telephone that much, for even more reasons than I can give detail to. (The end where they basically just say ‘That’s it, I’m out’? Are you kidding me?!)

There you go, that’s my ranking. Don’t ask me to do the other games.

And Happy New Year and Happy 2023!

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