#bump for an hour that isnt quite so late

[pixies-and-poets]

hi bramble! i decided to write something for you i hope this isnt a jumpscare because its LONG (i didnt mean to make it so long sobs) but i hope you like it! 😄

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Woodrow sat in his ragged arm chair at the… rather messy, cluttered desk in his own room. Having it been so late, a small candle was lit for some lighting, along with some scents to roam the room’s aroma. The candle was scented much like Pumpkin Space, a favorite scent of the poet’s.

Woodrow repeated his writing process over and over; there would be about a sentence written, then it’d be scribbled out. He couldn’t get himself to think.. Only one thing was on his mind, more than his own passion. He didn’t understand the thoughts and feelings that refused to let him write, but…

He could only think of him. His curly, grey-ish white hair , his shiny, navy blue eyes, her beautiful off-white fur… However, his thoughts would also lead to somewhere else. The poet thought of his muse’s lips, his smile, his fangs… He longed for this.. musician he called his muse, to the point that he couldn’t even question if they were true or not.

The ghost would always light up his day, always bringing joyfulness into it. He would whisper sweet nothings into Woodrow’s ears, calling the poet his “un porte bonheur,” or his “mon cherì.” Prima would always know how to make him blush, and he’d even make the poet quite flustered. Sometimes it was.. Overwhelming.. But, in a good way. Woodrow couldn’t get enough of him.

The poet’s hands, along with his entire being, trembled lightly as he was lost in his thoughts. He’d feel his cheeks begin to heat up more, almost as if he was catching a fever… But, he wasn’t. He was so lost in his own thoughts, that he couldn’t even move to check. He was dumbfounded by his own thoughts, that he didn’t even notice his own trembling.

This man…

The poet sighed heavily, laying back in his chair. His head fell down in his hands. Should he really be thinking of him like this? … or at all? Woodrow would feel his face heat up more and more, unable to distract himself from the fantasy he had for the musician.

“.. I must write… It’s the only way to get this… infatuation out of my head..” He would shakily grab his quil, and sat up. He would begin to write a poem, then two, then three. Even then, it wasn’t enough. Woodrow would end up falling asleep later at his own desk, but in the early hours of the afternoon, he went to his couch to get better sleep.

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A knock could be heard at the door, but not by the slumbering poet… Instead, by Jinx. The cloud would awake from its own ‘sleep,’ only to be greeted by a rather familiar figure.

“Tristan, are you home?” the Phantom asked, gently knocking on the door of Woodrow’s home. His brows furrowed as he heard no answer, only worry growing as he wondered where the poet had gone to. He’d feel something bump into his shoulder lightly, turning his head to met with a tiny cloud.

“Oh, Jinx!” The musician exclaimed cheerfuly, “Do you know where Tristan is?”

The cloud would respond with a low thunder noise in response, opening the door to the poet’s home. The scent of Pumpkin Spice would roam across the household, something that Phantom would note. He’d follow the cloud to Woodrow’s bedroom door, Jinx cracking the door gently so it wouldn’t make much noise.

“Tristan, dear?-“ Phantom would cut himself off as he was met with the sight of his muse sleeping. Woodrow laid on his messy, tattered bed fast asleep, his breathing quiet yet heavy. He was deep in his own slumber, even if he’d forgotten to take his regular clothing off to put on appropriate nightwear. He was even wearing his glasses, but they were still sliding off of his face as usual.

Phantom would simper softly at the sight, carefully taking the poet’s glasses off of his face and placing them on the desk that was beside his bed. He’d blow out the burning Pumpkin Spice candle that filled the aroma with its scent, and cracked the curtains in his muse’s room so no sunlight could bother him.

Though, out of curiosity, he would look at the writing on most of the pages that were messily piled on his muse’s desk, reading some all the way through. Many of the pages seemed to have been scribbled out, making it uneligeble to read. But, one poem caught his eye the most.

”White hair cascades down,

blue eyes shimmer like the sea,

a man pure as the flakes of cold.

Fur as white as the clouds,

he moves with grace and wit,

a sight to behold, i must admit.

In his gentle gaze,

stories of ages untold,

a soul, pure and rare.

A white-haired marvel,

a vision of purity,

a man, divine grace.”

Many more words and sentences were scribbled out the more he read, and he’d feel his own face heat up. Could his muse be writing of him? Oh, how lucky he felt. He knew the poet thought of his art as a nuisance, as it always caused his and others’ luck to turn for the worst. Seeing his muse starting to write again, especially for him, made him feel a bit fuzzy inside.

Phantom was happy to see the poet writing again. In fact, it excited him. However, he didn’t expect his muse to be writing of him. He’d turn his head to look back at his slumbering writer and smiled.

“Oh, mon poète chanceux, you’re too gentil..” He softly caressed Woodrow’s cheek, and kissed it gently. To his surprise, the poet flinched at the kiss, and slowly opened his eyes, but only a little.

“Tom.. What are you doing in my home?” Woodrow asked, his voice slightly hoarse from just waking up.

“I’m sorry, darling, I was just wondering if you were safe. You missed our little date at the bridge, my love..”

“Oh..” The poet rose up slowly from his slumber, staring into his muse’s eyes. He noticed Phantom still holding onto some papers, and gulped nervously.

“I-I see you.. Found my poetry…”

“Oh, yes!” Phantom’s ears perked in response, and he glanced down at the papers, then back at Woodrow.

“.. H-How much did you…?”

“Most if it…”

“A-Ah..” Woodrow began to tense up, feeling rather embarrased and terrified. What if the musician hated them? What if he hated HIM? What if-

“I’m utterly grateful to have been the one to bring your motivation back!” The poet would be snapped out his thoughts as his muse responded. He felt a hand rest under his chin, tilting it up towards the musician’s own face.

“Tristan, dear,” Phantom simpered softly, “I see your infatuation. You’re not very… Good.. At hiding it, I’ll admit.” He chuckled softly, placing another sweet kiss to the poet’s cheek. Woodrow felt his face flush red, thankful that his glasses hid most of his expression and emotion.

Phantom’s paw cupped the poet’s cheek as he smiled, making eye contact with hin through his glasses. “I adore your admiration for me, its wonderful..”

I really need you to know how much this meant to me. Because, well, last night I actually went to bed really early (for a "nap" that ended up being like three hours) because I was having one of those Bad Mental Days- sometimes everything in my brain gets so overwhelming that the only way I can get through it is to go to sleep, if I can. To turn my brain off for a while.

Then I woke up at like midnight and saw this, and read it all- I really almost cried, because I had been going through a time of self-loathing, and to see this beautiful and lengthy piece, specifically including some of my headcanons, all written out in my inbox in the hopes and faith I will like it and share it, I really just, OK I actually did cry!!!

This is so lovely and I will treasure it forever!! I LOVE IT LIKE THESE TWO POETS LOVE EACH OTHER And the craziest thing is how relatable it was to my specific experience at the moment - having to go rest because you're overwhelmed, falling asleep in your clothes... And, not being able to work on art/writing because your feelings and emotions are too powerful (even if they're the feelings and emotions about the very thing you're trying to convey- the thoughts are bigger than the depictions you can give them)... well, I've thought about this a lot, and from what I've read Woodrow's character was initially born from a place of humor (what if there was a poet who made bad things happen?) but, like all the Wardens and Heroes, was ultimately made to be a nuanced and loveable and admirable character. And yet of all the game's many characters, he ended up being a huge fan favorite, particularly on the self-confessed gay autistic artist website, I can't POSSIBLY imagine why that would be ;) I really can't imagine that the devs and creative team realized they were creating a character that would resonate so, so deeply with so many of us out there, when they initially hatched the idea of the disaster poet, but they really created someone special who brings a lot of us together, and that's one reason I'm so very grateful for Sparks of Hope and this fandom. And for Phandrow in particular because it's all about Woodrow being loved and cared for and having a wonderful outlet for his passions.

...OK but one more thing, I was half awake when I first read this so at first, I misinterpreted Jinx as not being the one to HEAR the knock first, but rather that it was the one knocking (to check on its companion?). Of course I realized what was going on by the next paragraph, but this was the split second mental image I got

[seven-stars-in-his-palm]

Hey august i hope you have a great day💙 i was wondering, what are your top five favourite moments from good omens? :)

ohhh sonny why would you DO THIS TO ME!!!!! my response got overloaded and DELETED before i could finish this WHY!!!!!! gonna try and replicate best i can </3 also sorry this took so long, ive been agonizing over it for. So Long

okay lets start…. 5) the first one isnt a scene or moment so much as its a line. let me quote here for you:

"Three very crowded hours went past. They involved quite a lot of phone calls, telexes, and faxes. Twenty-seven people were got out of bed in quick succession and they got another fifty-three out of bed, because if there is one thing a man wants to know what he's woken up in a panic at 4:00 A.M, it's that he's not alone." (page 132).

look at the italics stuff. its so funny yet unintentionally heartwarming and romantic. i dont why its affecting me so much bro. ALSO. the second i read that the first time i took out my pen and annotated it to connect to our darling duo 😃 like god okay . sure. a demon who always sleep and is rightfully paranoid having someone to wake up when things go bump in the night.... 😭😭😭 its just so beautiful. hopeful even. this is never gonna leave me ever

4) the drunken bookshop interaction 11 Years Ago, but specifically the book's version because its so much sillier yet heavier. they have their silliness that makes it THEM but also talking about the end of the world in such a vulnerable state…. it also has the bird wearing down its beak on the mountain story, which i will never fucking get over ever. they're so!!!! comfortable!!! unguarded!!! while discussing the nature of their very existence!!!!! UGDHDH I COULD TALJ FOR HOURS but i musnt. im trying to make this quick

3) uhmmm this one waspretty hard but watching wee morag die, somehow. aziraphale's heavy "im going to save her" and he's TOO LATE?!!?! AND CROWLEY'S SOFT"aziraphale-" ITS JUST SO HARD TOWACTCH... and the score behind it too.. utter madness. utter MADNESS

2) the final fifteen, naturally. the feelings. the implications. we've known each other for a long time. we could be together. Gay. staring from across the road aa he makes the decision that will tear the two of them apart. and, ironically, DESPITE all that, you know the thing tbat gets me after ALL THAT?? after he leaves . crowley looks around. to nina, to maggie, to muriel. and he kinda has this expression on his face like "well, that's that then." resigned. kinda like an "oh, well." but. when he gets into that car. all of that masking and bravado just FALLS. and he's there. and he's clutching the wheel. and he is so done. AND HE DRIVES OFF. THATS WHAT GETS ME . NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I MIGHT WATCH THAT FINALE, ITS THAT MOMENT THAT ALWAYS GETS THE TEARS TO DOUBLE.

1) this is a nice tie in honestly, but the cold open of season 2 is MY LOVE!!!!! especially with the context of what's to come for them. their very first goddamned meeting.......creating the stars, spinning the crank, "this is all going to shut down in 6000 years", "what trouble can i get into just for asking a few questions".. EVEEYTHING, DELICATE ANGEL. EVERYTHING

[actualbird]

n/s//f///w text

i want fic where nxx polycule where it's like the team's respect for artem's boundaries + artem's idiocy = monumental sexual frustration for everybody involved

wc: 864

so this idea has been swimming in my head for a while where like, the nxx polycule is established and theyre all in love and there are bumps in the road of course but everybody works through them because they want to make each other happy.

thing is tho, they havent all fucked each other yet in every permutation bc 1) scheduling is a nightmare (5 adults fully employed in different fields? on GODS i know coordinating schedules is a hellish activity) and also bc 2) everybody has got their own pace, irt wanting to explore sex

marius and vyn are slutting it up fastest, i think. mc is right behind them, and luke, a bit hesitant but also very very game, is behind her. and artem?

artem draws a boundary clearly and very early on that hes not sure yet if he wants to have sex at all, hes still thinking about it. like, he realized that hes demisexual and hes attracted to all of them, yes, but this is his first time being attracted to ANYBODY EVER. quite literally, this is not only his first relationship, it's also the first time hes experiencing this kind of desire and he asked the team for some time to figure it out.

of course, the team understand fully and tell him that no matter what, they all still love him. and they mean it!! even if sex isnt on the table ever with artem involved, thats not gonna change any of their feelings and commitment towards him.

artem is hugely touched by how considerate everybody is and maybe he cries about it because with them, he doesnt have to worry about being "correct" or whatever else societal bullshit expectations on relationships there are. hes just allowed to Be, and hes loved all the same.

so things go swimmingly for a while!!

but then artem takes a yoga class

and one day it goes over a bit late and he goes to an nxx meeting still in his attire and everybody is LOOKING RESPECTFULLY

OR TRYING NOT TO LOOK AT ALL

because lord, protect the nxx team's lustful jezebel gazes from artem wing's YOGA PANTS DICK OUTLINE OF ENORMOUS SIZE.

of course, of COURSE, they do not push artem or speak inappropriately about it to artem or even look at his clothed kickstand dick after the first glance.

but they are in shambles about it.

after some communication, the others learn that artem is definitely okay with being talked about when the others are fucking, and thus the rest of the team start having sex while sexily discussing Not So Little Artem

thing is, artem keeps showing up to meetings or hangouts in outfits that are not leaving anything up to imagination in regards to how fucking huge that dick is. the team is having a hard (HA!) time but, again, they love artem so much, so they do not push.

unbeknownst to them that artem is actually down to clown now, hes thought about it, hes ready and VERY MUCH WANTS TO. but also hes shy and stupid and doesnt know how to say this clearly so he just takes cues from like, a cosmo magazine sex tips article or something

"Be coy!" the magazine article says. "Show your lover a taste and see if they'll take the bait!"

AND LIKE, artem follows this ridiculous advice because hes worried hes a boring lover!!! and he doesnt want to be a boring lover!!!! and so all i want is just a much too long and silly fic thats basically like

artem: theyve been so accommodating to me and i want to thank them for that by being....exciting and enticing. yes, i could communicate clearly but would they be bored with that? i dont want to be a boring partner....

vyn, marius, luke, and mc: //renaissance painting depicting lusty despair

(after enough comedy misunderstandings, they all do end up communicating eventually and then sex scene resolution where everybody is in attendance, wahoo!!!

but also i staunchly headcanon that since artem's dick is so goddamn huge, hes only got enough in that thing for ONE COME PER HOUR (1 cmph)

so like, not everybody is gonna get a literal taste. some compromise will have to happen. marius calls dibs on sucking artem off and he cites that his headgame is the BEST and so he DESERVES TO GO FIRST but also that artem needs to tap out when hes about to come so that marius will stop bc if he does come down marius' throat, theyll have to schedule another google calendar event like next fucking week.

vyn takes one for the team and says hes fine waiting to get dicked down to the stratosphere so that leaves luke and mc to flip a coin for whos getting railed.

it's the most tense coin flip ever. civil war between the besties.

and needless to say, artem's first time is a blast. he loves these people so so much.)

[cillybillyy]

Jim x Reader

"Matchmaker" Part 2

Jim x Virgin reader with mixed POVs

Warning: Fluff

Word: 736 words

Writers Note: Apologies if this isnt great, I am quite new to writing and occasionally struggle with where this is going. Bare with me. It will get better, hopefully <3

---

“Are you alright?” A small figure stood above you as you lay on the muddy road.

You felt a hand reach down to assist you to your feet. Your head was pounding.

As you regained your balance, you saw the rest of the hand that assisted you.

A small woman, with long blond hair resting on her shoulder beneath her helmet.

“Y-Yes, I’m okay” a small smile swept across your face as you started to see the humour in the situation.

“I didn’t see you, I’m so sorry!” She pleaded.

As you looked at longer, you realised how beautiful she was. She had this air of confidence about her that seemed to energise you.

“It was my fault.. uh I mean my dog ran off on me and I..” You realised you were so distracted by the woman that you forgot you had to find Bentley.

“I have to go find him – I’m sorry. Can I grab your number so I can pay for the damages I caused, well my dog made me cause” you laughed looking at the front tire of the bike which was no longer circular or ridable “oh you don’t need to pay for it, but here’s my number” she said as she grabbed your phone and entered her digits.

You began to cross the road getting busier, “thank you, I’ll be in contact, I’m Jim” you shouted from halfway across the road. “Y/N” she shouted back with a warm smile

You found Bentley near the local café, trying to bother anyone for a scrap.

You grabbed his leash and bent down “what was that eh boy? You made me run into a beautiful woman” you said to Bentley as you mind recalled her beauty.

You hadn’t even thought of looking at women since Danielle cheated on you with your dying best friend. But there was something about this woman that made you want to gaze at her forever.

You returned home an hour later, fed Bentley, and sprawled out on the couch.

You should really return to your work, but you had no motivation.

You recalled when Y/N put her number in your phone, which prompted you to pull it out of your pocket and open a new message

God, what are you doing? You felt like a nervous teenager.

You typed “Hello, it’s the clumsy guy you bumped into earlier”

You erased the message – why are you over thinking this?

You typed “Hi, its Jim from the road. Hope you’re okay, I will send you some money to get the bike repaired.

Send.

---

Later in the day, you went to pick up your son Ben from the airport bus bay. Ben had just returned from a school trip in Birmingham, UK. They had been doing a project about the gangs and industrial revolution that went on in the 1920s.

“How was the trip!” you managed to ask you Son as he climbed into the car.

“It was incredible Dad, oh my, what an interesting trip. We learned so much about the gangs and violence with the start of motor car importing. It was so intellectually exciting” Ben said with pure passion in his voice. Ben was the academic of the family. He was a history buff and loved a good book. Just like his father.

“That’s great to hear, I’m glad you enjoyed it!”

As you pulled into the driveway, Ben ran inside, eager to have a shower and unpack.

Walking inside you heard you phone buzz in your pocket.

You had a text from an unknown number

“I’m glad I don’t feel like my wheel looks.  – you don’t need to do that, I was only 7 minutes late to school”

To school? How old was she?  Maybe she looked older? She wasn't wearing a school uniform?

Are you a teacher? you responded

Haha, no. I am repeating my last year again. You received back

Well in that case, I insist on paying the damages. Was this okay? She is still in secondary school.

Alannah returned home with Charlie and another friend.

The school term has just begun so your house was the best to study in, with the indoor library and study you had renovated the second lounge room into. A family of bookworms. All 4 of you reading constantly, now all 3 of you.

You said hello to Charlie and Alannah. And there she was again. The woman on the bike standing in your kitchen.

[i8jisoo]

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘 𝐊𝐈𝐃𝐒 ⇉ skz with pregnant!reader

seungmin x reader | part seven of dad!skz

↬ genre; fluff & angst

↬ warnings; obviously pregnancy, talk of sex/condoms, talk of morning sickness, cursing, child-birth

↬ notes; i feel like my mental health is getting worse and it has been really hard to be positive but i finished this awhile ago, never posted it! just thought to post it today since i just reached 500 followers,, tysm everyone for the support on my posts and following me for content,, i’m waiting for enhypen debut rnnn, it’s really one of the only things keeping me happy n ready. my bias is jungwon :) he’s so adorable n cute i can’t wait + i hope to start writing for enhypen soon when i feel better,, ty guys <3

the night was a one night stand

seungmin had no plans to see you after, you already gone by the morning so it made no different what he wanted afterwards

so with his number in your phone, you decided that texting him would be the best

you texted him your address, asking him to meet with you after u addressed who you were

the best maybe after twelve, seeing as how from nine to eleven you would be occupied with the toilet bowl, the morning sickness really weighing on you

hes there, ready to talk, looking great

ur just there in a t-shirt and sweatpants with slightly messy hair

you seat him on ur couch, pacing in the kitchen before actually beginning to talk

“it broke, or maybe you forgot. i don’t know but you, you got me pregnant.”

i honestly see seungmin being really innocent in this and he’s just made a bad decision which resulted in a baby

“wh-what? no, i used.. i..”

it dawns on him that he can’t remember slipping on a condom before

he’s turned white as a sheet, probably feeling more ill than you

he does the math, figuring you’re around two months, you’re not that far along obviously

“we don’t have to do this, you hardly know me.”

hes shaking his head quickly, “nono, i wanna.. i may never get this chance again. i might not ever meet someone again, so, if it’s with you? i’m fine with that.”

seungmin was there for the next appointment, fully supportive and stepping up

hes scared but so excited

he also moves out of the dorms, raising flags, but he keeps assuring everyone that he was just getting a change of scenery

he claims he got a dog but uh, there isn’t one

he actually moves in with u, an apartment that wasn’t too far away from the dorms and he will time to time spend the night if they need him to

ur actually really understanding of his career and u admire his adjustment

late night with him where u two go to a twenty-four hour convenience store and buy every junk food possible

u also acquired strange cravings such a pineapple and cream cheese or kimchi and chocolate sauce

that night however u rly had a craving for cheese and cheese only

it doesn’t last however, from three to five you are in the bathroom hunched over

he?? isnt?? actually?? the worst partner to get pregnant from a one stand with?????????????????????????????????????????

he’s pretty much a sweetheart

bless everyones heart though when they find out about you

“this is my friend, we are.. having a uh, baby!”

haha surprise...

u swore that jisung’s breath was lost when he said that

chan is fucken freaking out about this

“we’re gonna be uncles!”

everybody screaming and cheering which was a good sign

ur days are average and u guys just act like friends

friends having a baby lmfao

it’s a fine line between dating and not dating

seungmin reaaalllyy likes you but he has this bit of guilt in him for getting you pregnant

ur the one who uprooted your life and ur gonna have a kid for the rest of ur life with him and he’s still living his and doing what he loves

seungmin heart eyes motherfucker when u come to a concert, just there to see him n see what he does for a living

u guys get this cute ass picture of everyone lmfao i just imagine the boys and seungmin standing around and posing with ur small bump

he doesn’t get to go to every single appointment, so his first appointment he went to was when you were around six and a half months

he’s super excited and just super nervous

so many expecting moms its crazy

when your name is called and you two go back, he’s jumping out of his seat and going back with you

the doctor applies the gel on your stomach, the rounded bump sticking out prominently

his hand clasps around yours, fingers laced with yours and he gives you a warm smile

the screen flickers on and theres your baby

it’s the cutest thing he’s ever seen

he can clearly see the legs and arms, theres the head!!! he can make out the toes and fingers

then u guys get to hear the heartbeat together

it’s so strong and he just,, wow.. this is real 😣

ur bearing his child, your guys’ baby,, he can hardly believe it

then the doctor asks if u two want to know the gender

“yeah.” 🥺🥺🥺

ofc u could’ve known before but u didn’t know if seungmin wanted to find out or wait n u just would feel guilty if u went ahead

he was rly trying to be as involved as possible, he had a busy schedule and u two weren’t even dating and this whole thing was happening secretly

they turn the monitor for you two to look at, pointing around

“there they are, we have a baby boy.”

seungmin is so taken aback, this all is so .. unreal for him

he’s ready to get the disc with ur ultrasound footage n the heartbeat but also the ultrasound photos 🥺 he’s so in love with your baby boy

u two are just sitting in the office after, ur wiping off ur belly n he’s just like

“i’m in love with you. you and our son — i know, we agreed to co-parenting and no feelings but,” his voice is so strained n he’s just so fragile n so utterly raw, “i couldn’t help it.”

ur fact at first is just frozen and slightly shocked

then ur like 😮🥺😣

“no, cause i was thinking the same exact thing.”

that seals the deal for u two pretty much, ur both emotional wrecks in the exam room

theres the boyfriend and girlfriend dynamic now — seungmin and you sleeping cuddled together

it wasn’t like you two didn’t cuddle before,, but it would usually end up with seungmin silently creeping out of bed or you softly removing his arm or you leaving him gently

u rely on him more, the final trimester hard on you and ur so exhausted and hurting

u two getting the nursery ready together which actually consists of u sitting down rather than actually doing anything

though u will have to teach this boy how to put away bibs and fold baby clothes

u two are young and u both have a lot of explaining to do to your own families, but they are supportive

they r more than happy to teach u two about children and giving tips on these things

blue nursery with lil teddy bears around and its just the cutest, props to room designer seungmin 🤓

baby boy is so stubborn, you’re past your due date and you both want him out

you two try a shit ton of things

name it all: pineapple, spicy foods, raspberry tea, daily walks around the block, literally everything

everything except for the obvious that had been recommended by your obgyn

sex.

both of you two hadn’t really explored in the topic of sex or anything of the sort, it was slightly awkward

you’re five days overdue now, which now you couldn’t even care

“please..! they said it works, even our ob said so!”

he is so cautious about this, but begrudgingly decides to proceed with this idea

he’s so sweet 🥺 but maybe a little too sweet because next thing you know is that two short hours later ur water breaks and u are in labor!!!!

both of you are vv nervous

his hyungs are right there to calm him down, asking you if ur okay and if u need anything

they rly adore their lil minnies baby mama & their lil nephew

seungmin is big daddy deffo

he’s so attached to u 🥺 it hurts to see u in so much pain and he can’t do much to take it away, but he will kiss ur forehead and wipe ur tears away

he personally finds u so angelic as u are quite literally coated in sweat and nearly breaking his hand

it’s finally over, you and seungmin both turning to the tiny baby that just came into the world, both of u crying while laughing at the beet red baby

theres your little baby boy in your arms, squirming at the new coldness and trying to move around in the blanket

all of the boys come in, excited to meet the baby

in amazement you made this adorable, small baby after one night

this experience was everything and more to you both, so glad you weren’t as careful one night and now had the greatest gift given to you: your small son who slept soundly in your arms

©️ maysdiors 2020 :: all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.

[between-two-fandoms]

Who We Used To Be (Ray/Rose/Trevor)

As told by myself and @thesevenumbrellas tag teaming the whump in the 18+ JatP discord. Sev I swear we operate on the same braincell levels, we do be clowning. @bobbywilsonsupremacy  let us know what you think of this! I know you and I both hardcore ship Raybse.

Cover was created by @thesevenumbrellas​. Please don’t steal it.

This post got long so fair warning.

We wrote this in a discord server over the time span of hours so there’s some mistakes but i’m too lazy to go back and fix it all. Basically we tag teamed on a Raybse Trevor Wilson-centric whump story and can destroy a fandom with a single touch.

You’ll understand once you click the cut.

Don’t Steal Our Writing (but please reblog this to spread it around).

Trauma Time.

major whump warning

(Ren) Okay so if we're gonna be starting at 90's ot3 my children ray/bobby/Rose know that Ray is a panic bi and loves both of these humans very much with his whole ass heart.

(Ren) He takes pictures of his girlfriend and boyfriend while they’re on dates because he wants to capture the moments he was happy the most. Bobby always shed away from the camera burying his face in Rose's shoulder or leaning in for a kiss. Anyways as time goes by Ray notices Bobby's change in behavior. From being his go-happy-trauma boyf to being caught up in the music scene, often out at all hours to parties and label meetings only to come to to sleep on the couch, not even sharing the bed like he used to. It reminds Ray of the time when Bobby was grieving his boys. Ray hates it, but he loves bobby so he pushes his feelings aside to try and arrange more dates for the three of them to go on together.

(Sev) Ray waking up to only Rose in the bed and not Bobby, and it feels too cold in bed without him. So he'll try to call him, because it's 3am and he's supposed to be home and he's not. And Ray remembers what happened to Bobby's bandmates, and he can't admit it out loud but he's worried. Because what if that happens to Bobby? He knows it was a freak accident! What are the odds of it happening again?? But he can't shake that feeling when Bobby doesn't come home at night and Ray stays up all night worrying. Anyway he tries to call Bobby and Bobby doesn't answer. He'll leave loads of voicemails, trying not to be pushy because he knows Bobby doesn't respond well to that. But he's worried. He'll say "hey please call me when you get this." and then ten minutes later try again "hey just text me that you're safe okay?" He can't sleep because Bobby still isn't home. It's 5am. He has to go to work in two hours. Rose keeps telling him to go to bed but he can't.[2:58 PM]Bobby finally texts back. "I'm okay! Was playing with some friends, the gig went over time and then we went to  party." Ray wants to be angry because seriously? No phone calls because he was at a party? But he knows that'll just push Bobby away more!

(Ren) And so Ray has all of these festering emotions that boil down to worry and concern at the core but he's just so scared hes losing Bobby cause he never really had his own family to begin with and then one day when Ray comes home early from a photoshoot he can hear Bobby and Rose fighting over Bobby signing the contract that says he wrote Luke's songs but Ray just hears yelling before he even opens the door with his name thrown into the mix and then he gets even more scared because what if he loses Rose and Bobby? if he lost both of them he'd be destroyed. So he doesnt knock. He doesnt go home. Instead he walks around the city until he was supposed to go home originally and he opens the door and there's a sort of eerie silence in the air.

(Sev) Trevor’s unable to shake the feeling that something terrible will happen to Rose and Ray because he's with them. His entire family were killed in 1 night because he wasn't there with them. So at first he's clingy as fuck to Rose and Ray because what if something bad happens when he's not there? What if what if what if... But as time goes on the thinking flips. Maybe it's the music industry that's the problem. It's these weird connections in his head of if he's too successful, bad things might happen. But he can't quit music like that, he can't give up on Luke's dream. He owes his boys to become successful. So instead he distances himself from Rose and Ray. That way they won't be caught up in whatever bad thing is going to happen to him. He distances himself and he waits for it all to drop. He waits for the universe to punish him again.

(Ren) And the universe punishes Bobby when the tension between him and Rose tightens so much he knows there's no going back from it but he's not admitting to stealing the songs because he didn't. He helped Luke write all of the songs more than Alex and Reggie ever did, staying up late with Luke after fights with his mom and Bobby didn’t want Luke to be alone so yeah, he wrote the songs. Maybe not as much as he claimed but he sure as hell made sure his brother wasn’t alone so that counted for something right? And it did. Until Rose kicks him out of bed because she's pissed he'd even consider stealing music and he cant tell Ray because of the NDA the label got him to sign at a party when he was drunk and the only reason Rose knows about it is because she was there when he signed the damn thing and so Bobby pulls away from Ray because isnt it going to be easier in the long run? If he doesn’t attach himself to Ray who'll just get angry at him like Rose did?

(Sev) It's the guilt that grows inside of him every passing day. They're my songs too he tells himself over and over again. But during the dark nights, three glasses of whisky in when the world is getting hazy... even he can't believe the lies he tells himself. He fucked up Sunset Curve. He fucked up his friends' memories. And now he fucked up the only good thing he'd ever had. Ray texts him nonstop. He doesn't understand why Rose kicked Bobby out and he doesn't understand why Bobby listened. Bobby can't take Ray away from Rose. He's fucked up and a terrible person, but even he can't do that. He doesn't give Ray his new address. He refuses to meet up even for Ray to give him his stuff back. All Bobby can do is hold onto Ray's sweatshirt he stole away and a bottle of perfume the same brand Rose always wears. He cradles these things in his arms and cries.

(Ren) And that's the last he sees of Ray for all of 5 years, 20yr old puppy-dog eyed loving precious ray who Bobby would run to the second Rose says its okay. But rose never does. And then Bobby meets a cute blonde and six months later the barista shows up on his doorstep shoving Carrie into his arms calling her a bastard child. Carrie is not a bastard child Carrie is his and he loves her the second he sets eyes on her and so Bobby turns into Trevor when the new year rolls around and he starts his own album. It doesn’t do as well as Luke's his first album did but it was his. And then one day Trevor signs Carrie up for dance because Trisha from first grade made fun of her for not being able to do the splits and on the way out of the dance studio Trevor bumps into Ray, a terrified looking girl clutched to his leg. Carrie doesn't miss a beat. "Hi! I'm Carrie let's be friends!" and Carrie drags Ray's daughter off and Trevor shifts awkwardly and is suddenly 17 again but Ray's eyes still twinkle like the did when they were kids and he's still wearing eyeliner so Trevor almost missed it when a flicker of recognition crosses Ray’s face and a smile quirks at the corners of his lips and he says, "hi im Ray, thats my daughter Julie. Wanna go out for a drink?" With that same mischievous glint in his eye that made Bobby fall in love with him in the first place.

(Sev) Trevor almost stops breathing. He should say no. He knows he should say no. He's an awful person. He doesn't deserve someone like Ray. He never deserved either of them. He knows that. But can't force himself to say no. Maybe it's the twinkle in Ray's eyes. Maybe it's the soul crushing loneliness he's felt ever since he left them. Or maybe it's the way Carrie and Julie are giggling in the corner like they've known each other all their lives. He says yes. The drink ends up at a family friendly restaurant with both the girls in tow.

(Ren) Rose shows up because Ray the asshole apparently texted her while he was in the car saying he met one of Julie's friend's parents and wanted to go out on a date (keeping things pg ofc) aklsdf. And when Rose does show up Trevor sees how... sick she looks. How much paler she looked than she did all those years ago how - he still knew he loved her even if she still decided she hated him.

(Sev) The mood drops quickly. Trevor wants to ask about Rose, but not in front of the kids. Ray wants to ask about their past, but not in front of the kids. Rose... Rose who holds all the answers... doesn't know where to start first. She had never regretted not telling Ray the truth. She never wanted to change Ray's perception of Bobby like that. Ray who looked at their boyfriend as if he'd hung the moon. Ray who stayed up worrying all night until Bobby came home. Ray who held Bobby through countless nightmares... But that makes the truth staring them in the face so much harder. Because she never gave Ray the choice. She realized that a few years too late after she catches Ray staring at old pictures of Bobby in their photo albums. She'd made the choice for him. And then there's Trevor... still beautiful, staring at her with so much concern her heart breaks all over again.

(Ren) The tension doesn't fly over Carrie's head like he hoped it would, she talks to Julie about My Little Pony and Pokemon and High School Musical and their mutual hatred for Trisha from school but Carrie's hand never lets go of his and he finally plucks up the courage and stretches his arm out and says "we're vegetarian for the most part, hope that's okay." And a smile quirks at the corner of her lips and she asks "for the most part?" and Trevor nods and Carrie pipes up from her seat saying "daddy hates hot dogs,” in that blatant fact kind of way kids say things without realizing how problematic it could be. It wasn’t her fault though, Trevor has yet to tell her about her uncles, about how he was in a band, about how they were going to be legends.

(Sev) Rose and Ray both freeze at Carrie's voice. He doesn't know if the girls notice, because he's too busy trying to fight back the panic in his throat. It's been a long time since anyone had brought up ... what happened. It's easy to pretend it didn't happen when his name is Trevor and no one knows him. But these two people know him. They know him more than anyone else ever has. Even the boys. The truth hits him hard at that moment. A truth he'd been avoiding for almost two decades. Ray and Rose know him better than even he knew himself. Maybe that was why Rose had been so furious with him, or why Ray continued to chase after him even months after he moved out. Trevor hides the building panic and sudden realization with a smile. "What an I say," he said as causally as he can. "I'm a picky eater." A few hours later they end up back at the Molina's house. Bobby has no idea how it happened. -No, Trevor has no idea how it happened, he scolds himself. He's Trevor. He has to be Trevor. Trevor got him this far, Trevor made the difficult choices. Bobby was the one who got his friends kill and destroyed the best relationship he ever had. Still, it becomes harder and harder to remind himself of that. To stop himself from slipping into the comfortable shoes of Bobby, boyfriend of Ray and Rose as if the past 17 years had never happened. He finds himself on their sofa, a sofa that brings back memories both good and bad... he finds himself in a familiar home, his old studio just a short walk away, his ex's giggling in the kitchen as they make his coffee the way he's always liked it without asking for a reminder.

(Ren) Trevor can remember the day he stopped drinking the coffee Ray made for him, the morning after his first fight with Rose, when he wakes up cold because Rose basically cocooned herself around Ray's body, keeping her back turned to him and as much as he wanted to reach out to Ray, to hug him and comfort him and tell him it was all going to be okay... everything was too stuffy and too tense and deciding he just had to leave because he was going to suffocate otherwise.

(Sev) He should leave, just like last time. What was he even doing here? He should take Carrie and- Then Ray's in front of him, pushing a hot cup into is hands. "The girls are playing upstairs," he says. His voice is so calm, so understanding. "We don't have to talk if you don't want to." Trevor almost laughs. Because that's so like Ray. Almost a decade without answers and he's giving Trevor the option to ignore it all. To pretend like nothing ever happened. But he can't be that selfish again. So he shakes his head. "I'd... like to talk to you... to both of you."

(Ren) And then suddenly rose is eyeing him sus but he's been putting this off for to long and honestly fuck his label because they screwed him over one too many times for him to still even consider their relationship anything other than employee-client1[4:06 PM]and so Trevor takes a sip of Ray's coffee holy shit how did go so long without it?! and he explains it. he explains everything.

(Sev) Ray doesn't speak as Trevor explains. He never interrupts or even look surprised. His face is completely unreadable. He doesn't move until Trevor's done. And then once he is, he only stands up to start pacing the room. Trevor's oddly reminded of Alex as he does so,  and the memory is enough to make him flinch. "This... this is what you two have been hiding from me for so long?" he asked, voice brittle. "This is... this is what cost us... I mean..." But he can't finish. Ray just shakes his head, back to both Rose and Trevor.

(Ren) Suddenly he's seventeen again. Seventeen and a mess in Ray's arms burying his face into the man's chest finally feeling the weight of the world lift off of his shoulders and suddenly Rose is hugging him from behind, her too-skiny bone arms snaking around his chest and hugging him tightly threatening to never let him go saying "amour," and pressing a kiss to the back of his head, "amour we never stopped loving you."

(Sev)It's like no time has passed by the time he's done crying his eyes out. They're all huddled on a sofa that was always too small for three. Trevor's in the middle, clutching at them both as if they're going to disappear on him. Ray sits with his legs underneath them, his arms pulling the both of them into his chest. And then there's Rose, suddenly so much more delicate than Trevor remembers. She sits half on his lap, curled into them, her fingers knotted in his hair. "I can't believe you two kept this from me," Ray whispers. There's no anger. He doesn't think Ray's ever been capable of being angry. "I'm sorry," Trevor whispers, throat raw from tears. Ray answers with a firm kiss to his temple. "We wasted so much time..."

(Ren) Trevor just lays between them in their bed, nothing sexual and nothing tense it’s just them being together and Rose playing with his now-long hair, braiding it right down the middle despite it being too long for others to braid. Her fingers feel nice as they tug at his roots, familiar and a sense of calm washes over him. He lets ray fop on top of him like they used to, burying his head in his chest just listening to his heart beat, his steady constant breathing because Ray used to be afraid one day he'd wake up and Bobby would be dead too. Rose humming lightly, soft lullabies that chased away dark thoughts and Trevor just finds it so comforting, a feeling of home he hasn't had since the day he left and so he wraps his arms around Rose and Ray tight, promising himself he won't screw up his second time around.

(Sev) It's a few hours later when he speaks again. The girls are asleep in Julie's room (delighted at their surprise sleepover.) Ray's almost nodded off, head resting against Trevor's chest. But Rose is wide awake. She's laid out, tangled between them, eyes focused on something far away. He can see it more clearly now. The tremble in her hands, the way she's so still, the circles around her eyes. He takes her hand in his. "What is it?"

(Ren) And Trevor wants it to be a prank, he wants the sinking feeling in his gut twisting around his heart, the same feeling he had the morning of Sunset Curve's Orpheum performance coiling up his spine to go away. He wants everything to be okay, that he told the truth, that he was forgiven, that the universe was finally on his side for once but of course it's not because when has it ever been.  Rose's fingers run lightly over his knuckles and Ray wraps his arm around him from behind, his hands resting against Trevor's chest, something solid for him to focus on and as a tear starts to roll down Rose's cheek he reaches up to brush it away, running his hand through her hair only to pull out a clump as he pulled away but he couldn't run when his instincts to run kick in like they always used to do when situations turned emotional, bury it in his mind and lock up his worries like he always did but this wasn't going to be something he could run from.

(Sev) Life is not the fantasy or a fairy tale. There are no happy endings, only happy moments. He'd like to say they picked up right where they left off, Rose lived until a ripe old age, and they never fought again. But he'd be lying. It was hard to fold their lives back into place again, especially with Carrie and Julie. To just pick up after their seventeen year old selves was an impossible dream. But they could do breakfast. And breakfast became dinner. Dinner became one date which became two which became many. It took trouble and care, but they slotted themselves back into each other's lives again. There were lunch dates, and movie nights. There were late night wine dates and early morning coffee dates. They found their happy moments. A decade of separation had smoothed out the rough edges. If Trevor stormed out after a harsh argument, he'd return the next day with flowers and apologies. If Rose snapped and lost her temper, she'd take herself off for a walk to cool down. If Ray was bothered by something, he'd speak up instead of pushing it all down. They found their happy moments. And when 1 month became 1 year, they celebrated with moving boxes and a new, bigger couch. When 1 year became 2, they celebrated with promise rings and whispers of a better future between light kisses. 3 years became 4, became 5, and so on... They found their happy moments. But life is not a fantasy or a fairy tale. Their story ends in a hospital. Rose dies with both her husbands at her side, with both her daughters and son clutching on her hands. She dies with a smile on her face, knowing she is not leaving them to suffer alone. Ray and Trevor grieve together.

(Ren) And this time the girls are the ones who get into the fight but Trevor and Ray are there for Julie and Carrie no matter what they're fighting over carrie told julie she liked flynn but julie said flynn was hers first and doesnt understand how she can feel squishy love for two people. And this time the girls are the ones who get into the fight but Trevor and Ray are there for Julie and Carrie no matter what they're fighting over carrie told julie she liked flynn but julie said flynn was hers first and doesnt understand how she can feel squishy love for two people. They stick to their daughters through the worst of it but they don’t let the girl’s fighting rip into them too. It’s not what Rose would’ve wanted for them, it’s not what she would’ve wanted for Julie or Carrie either.

(Sev) And when Julie plays with her ghost band, it's much earlier that Trevor recognizes who she's playing with.

(Ren) Luke’s mad at first, ofc he is but after everything is explained and out in the open Trevor finds himself at home in a building that never felt like home despite the fact he grew up in it.

[jenna-jayde-the-renagade]

When i was 13, i found out that men can and do become women. That there was a word for the way i felt inside: transgender. All i had to do in order to be who i am is reach out to the right people, seek help and support.

However, it isnt always so easy. Our world judges people like us in alot of scenarios, and for a kid who just wanted to live her best little life that was a scary concept. So i hid it, i did well until i was 15 and 16. My dad and my stepmom went through my room, twice. On both occasions they found womens clothing, which i would quite often wear to bed cause i felt so soothed by the soft fabric. I had leggings, and panties, and a sports bra, and a white tank top the first time. Even back then i always loved the way leggings hugged my lower half, and how relaxing and comfortable sleep was in them. Back then it was a source of comfort, i "dressed up" in order to cull the anxiety i had from putting on this mask every day. It was killing me.

I made fun of, i bullied my own kind, i bullied the LGBTQ community as a whole. I did it because i wanted to distance myself from my own identity, and cause i was jealous of other trans women who were already in their transitions and living their best lives!! I became a homophobic, misogynistic asshole to just get away from it, and to make sure nobody would ever expect it. I hate that period of my life, i look back on it in deep shame.

But then one day i moved into a place that i would eventually feel safe in. I was 18 now, and just starting to really get worn down by drugs and mental illness. But i turned around there, and i got really close to the staff at this group home. They supported me like my parents would, even though they were a different nationality and spoke bad english i felt closer to the group home workers than almost anyone else. They talked me down when i was mad or crying. They helped me get further in life. I had thoughts of coming out one day, and how i could probably do it both in vancouver and in this house. I had thoughts of how it would go. Who to tell first, it raged in my head for a couple weeks. But one day i was with my therapist, we were driving around and i had just gotten a cheddar bacon angus burger from mcdonalds with a vanilla bean frappuccino to drink. But before i could eat, my stomach wouldnt let me go on without telling my therapist whats really going on.

"I dont know how to say this ashley, but its been on my mind since i was 13 and ive planned out the whole process in my head already! Im fucking trans, im a woman, i want to be a girl and im tired of putting on this rough and tough mask just to try and fit in and be a man!! Im tired of rough, i want soft!! I want to have boobs!! I want to have nice long legs with thick hips! I want to see the sparkle come back to my eyes! I want to see my smile have happyness behind it, and not nothing, im tired of faking it!! Im scared, i could never do this around my dad, or in kelowna!! But ive got a fresh start in this city, and i know i can do it with the supports i have!! Everything i did was to please someone else, and i tried to be the best man i could to hide it.. im not a man though, im a happy, beautiful girl and im tired of hiding her!!"

That was 2017, in the spring. I was a drug addict back then, and i lived full time as a girl for 3 whole months!! Although i was so happy, and felt so comfortable in my skin i couldnt handle it once i lost my supports on top of my addiction.

On september 14th 2017, i buried Jenna for a while. I felt so horrible, even rhough i knew it was temporary i didnt know how temporary it would be. I was scared to be a boy now, and i felt even more dysphoric full well knowing the result of transitioning and the improvements to my mental health. Burying jenna was burying who i am. It couldn't last long, and once i got sober on december 15th 2018, and got myself into a safe space again in march. By late april i couldnt hold jenna inside me anymore, she needed out, jenna needed to bloom and grow big and strong!! I came out a second time to my mother and my grandmother who were both as accepting as two people who know no trans people aside from me can be. It went well, i told them it was time for me to resume my transition.

They were there for me when i reached out to Skipping stone, and got hooked up with a gender therapist. By august i had a date for when i would start hormones, october 9th 2019. On october 9th i was tense, i just wanted it to go right. I even had a little freakout in my appointment at my phone. But, after driving an hour and half each way, i walked out of my doctors office still in boy mode, but with a script for cyproterone and estradiol!! I started that night!!

When i started hrt, i was a different person in two weeks, i wasnt jayden, i was jenna. I acted way more feminine, my skin got softer, my erogenous zones changed, my voice got higher, my testicles shrunk. The feminization process had begun! I had emotional breaks here and there, and it hasnt been easy all the time. But my bad days today are still better than my best days when i was playing a character, acting as jayden. Today when i get sad, i put on something cute, and i take some cute pics and i look at them. I love it when i can honestly say, i love the way im changing. How my face lost the wrinkles of 5 years of bad habits in two months!! How my breasts are here and so so sensitive, i feel them moving on my chest and theyre like little stress sacks there for me to squeeze and hold when im feeling down!! I love the feeling of weight on my chest, and the jiggle when i walk or hit bumps on my bike! My medical transition so far is destroying any bit of my dysphoria!

I think trans is beautiful, because theres something just so positive, so god damn enlightening and beautiful. About one mans journey to woman. My body is changing, its curves being accentuated, its features becoming more noticeable by the day. I feel so much joy when i see a change, when i notice my body looks feminine. Or when i get compliments, like "my god youve got legs for days!!" It makes me know for a fact i chose right, cause im a beautiful girl, going through this beautiful process with beautiful changes.

Jenna jayde is a girl, i wasnt born a girl, but i make a better girl than i ever could have a boy. Wearing clothes that make me happy, and feel hugged all over from the soft tight fabric. Feeling emotions i never thought existed after a while on hrt!

Its so beautiful, like a sunflower swaying slightly in the summer breeze!

Life is better now, its worth standing up and fighting for.

Woot woot!! Its trans positivity jenna!! Woot woot!!

[angrylizardjacket]

when i said it i thought it was true [2] {Ben Hardy}

A/N: 2821 words. continuation of the Fake Dating AU; enjoy

[part 1]

He calls you darling with his head between your thighs, and a camera over your shoulder, and you’re scripted to card a hand through his hair - you can barely look at that wig and keep a straight face - and just as you do, the door in the centre of the frame bursts open. The camera refocuses, and it’s Gwil in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, announcing that the band had been played on the radio. After a beat, he stops, sees you scrambling to push Ben away and cover yourself, but he’s more excited at the news as he gets to his feet.

It’s a short scene, and once cut is called on the first take, and the crew take a moment to look over the footage. Like clockwork, people start moving around you, adjusting lighting, shouting technical jargon that you’ve learned to tune out over the years, and Ben sits on the edge of the bed as Gwil joins the pair of you, chatting with Ben about the football.

You’ve got a robe somewhere but you don’t bother with it, just wait as the scene is reset around you, and people come in and fluff the pillows behind you, and the camera angles itself a little lower as the sheet gets pulled off of you. You’re very glad that most of the crew are professionals, because they’ve got you in a pair of high-cut, surprisingly flattering cotton panties, and a tight, brown crop-top with a fringe that stops just above your stomach.

Gwil leaves and Ben leans back, his head pillowed on your thigh, and you gently kick him with your free leg, though it only serves to make him laugh. And then the cameras are rolling and Ben shifts so he’s laying on his stomach, his cheek resting against your thigh as he looks up at you with that mischievous glint in his eyes.

There’s a moment, seeing the way he looks up at you, part of you forgets it’s acting on top of acting, and you feel like you’re thrown back in time, leaning against his headboard as he presses a kiss to your inner thigh, the room dark around you apart from the warm glow of the light beside his bed and-

The director calls action and you’re ripped from the memory. If it hurts, just a little, to see him smile at you again like that and know it means nothing, you try not to dwell on it. You smile back.

“Do you have to get up? We’ve got the day off.” Ben wraps an arm around you pressing his forehead to your back, his voice still rough with sleep.

“You have the day off.” You correct with a small smile, trying to sit up. He just tightens his grip, pressing a kiss between your shoulder blades. “Ben.” The way you say his name is a gentle warning, and you can feel him smirk, his lips against your back as he gives a hum of acknowledgement. “They want me on set in an hour and a half.”

“Come on, that’s heaps of time.” And he’s tugging at your hip. You take that as your cue to turn, fondly exasperated when you finally look at him. “So this one is...?” He prompts, small smile on his lips as he sees the way you’re playful annoyance turn endeared. 

It’s something else to wake up next to him, his hair a curly mess, expression unguarded and affectionate in the morning light. The curtains aren’t open, but there’s a sliver of light peaking through a gap between them, and the light shines in, hitting the arm he’s got draped across you. The idea of Ben Hardy trying to keep you in bed, smiling at you like that, would have been laughable just a few months ago, yet here you were.

“Midsomer Murders, they’ve got me playing a baker’s daughter who’s killed ‘cos she looks like some bloke’s ex.” You tell him quietly. There’s a moment of silence that follows, and you’re not even sure he heard you, a look in his eyes like the world outside could be burning and he wouldn’t even care if you’re by his side. 

“Sounds like it’s right up your alley.” He mused, arm still around you, and you laugh at that. The sound makes his smile brighter.

“What the baker, being murdered, or looking like an ex?” You asked lightly, though you realise too late that it could be construed as some sort of twisted relationship test, thought he just chuckled, not reading anything into it.

“Finding yourself playing someone tragic.” He explained. He’s still smiling, but your own expression falls as you consider the weeks you had ahead of you.

The producers of Eastenders had sat you down to explain that your character was going to overdose at the end of the Season, and be rushed to hospital. The survival of her was entirely dependant on the fan’s reaction to the character and the event, but even if she recovered, her romantic arc with Ben’s character would end. The fans wanted him back with Lauren, and the production team agreed.

“Do you think it’s weird that my characters keep getting killed off?” You asked, and he rests a hand on your cheek, thumb gently brushing against your cheekbone.

“‘course not, babe. Two is a coincidence, maybe start worrying about being typecast if it happens again.” He’s so gentle when he says it that you can’t help but smile back, leaning in to press your lips to his before getting up to start getting ready, and Ben grumbles without you by his side, but he’s smiling as he watches you flit about the room.

“You and Ben were together last time we worked together, right?” You and Gwil are the first two on set for the first day of shooting the Madison Square Garden after party. You’d just wanted to get their early knowing you’d have to spend a good deal of time in hair with the wig they had for you for the scene. 

“That was a while ago; surprised you even remember that.” You laughed, eyes closed where a makeup artist was busy applying eyeshadow. 

“Yeah, I forgot about it until the Interruption Scene,” he says, and you snicker, humming with agreement. The silence that stretches between you is a pleasant one. You’d been on quite a few episodes of Midsomer Murder with Gwil, enjoyed his company well enough, not that the two of you had really spoken back then, he’d been a lead and you had different bit-parts every time, and you hadn’t really kept in touch, but he was shaping up to be a good friend on set here.

“How are you two going now?” He asked, idly, watching your reflection as your lips were painted a bright red.

“Good.” You answer automatically, pausing to blot your lips before elaborating. “It’s- uh, honestly it’s weird being back together.” You cast an uncertain gaze to the makeup woman who was clearly trying to hide her surprise. 

“Good-weird?” Gwil asks, raising an eyebrow, and you hesitate. When your words come out next, they spill, too fast as if making up for the silence in which you had to actually think about the answer.

“Yeah, of course, it would be weird if it wasn’t, you know, good-weird.” After a beat, you took a deep breath, forcing your shoulders to relax. “All relationships are weird at first.” And you swallow, standing from your seat and heading into get your wig. Ben’s yawning as he steps past you to get to the makeup trailer, and you catch his wrist as he passes. 

“Hey.” Voice soft, you smile at him, trying to push down your sudden uncertainty. He looks a little confused, but his answering ‘hey’ is kind and fond. He catches sight of a makeup assistant waiting for him, and he presses a quick kiss to your temple before making his way in.

It’s easy to pretend to love him. 

Almost as easy as it was to actually love him.

"So are you gonna leave him once you leave Eastenders?” Maisie was rather blunt. She was one of the only people you talked to after having your production with her had wrapped, and that’s more so because she was a freelance production assistant for indie movies, and she’d let you know about upcoming projects. 

“What the hell, May, no.” You spluttered, and she rose her eyebrows leaning back and taking a long sip of her coffee. She’s judging you. She’s always judging you. It’s part of her charm, you learn not to be insulted.

“Oh, I thought it was just like, a publicity thing.” She admitted, and your brow creases in confusion.

“That’s fucked, that’s so disingenuous.” 

The two of you fit together so easily, sitting on a gilded love-seat in the middle of Freddie’s living room set. Ben’s got an arm around you and a prop glass of alcohol free champagne, and there’s extras all around you buzzing with energy. Every so often you’ll catch one of them watching you and Ben as if you’re some sort of spectacle, and you have that unique sinking sensation that comes with being a public figure; of everyone knowing your business whether you told them or not.

“I think they know.” You murmur in between takes, and he makes a hum of acknowledgement, before turning to you, expression neutral, if not a little confused. “I know, that’s the point.” You know what he’s trying to say without him having to say it, reading him even after a few years apart. 

“You wanna get dinner after this?” He asks quietly, and your expression turns reflexively confused.

“It’s already midnight, it’s not like anyone will expect us to be out, not that anything’s open.” You rested your cheek on his shoulder as he looked out at the crowd.

“We can go to Seven-Eleven for all I care, I just need to get food after this.” He muttered, and you suppressed a smile.

“So we’re putting it on for the cashier?” You asked, and he turned to face you, chin bumping into your forehead when you refused to move your head.

“Babe,” he says pointedly, and you have to laugh, because if you don’t you think your chest might ache a little, “I just want company, it’s not that complicated.” 

Except it is that complicated. Being around him like this has reminded you how good it felt to be with him. It’s been almost three months, and you’ve forced yourself into the habit of reminding both of you that it was fake, that it was for attention, and even if you were really friends again, there was nothing real about the romance. It was getting on his nerves, now that you were closed to the end of filming.

“I know that this isn’t real.” His grip on the steering wheel is white knuckled as he drives to McDonalds. “I get it, okay, I know what’s happening, you can stop reminding me.”

“It’s not all for you, Ben.” Voice soft, you lean back in your seat. He’s parked, but neither of you feel the need to leave the car. 

“What? You’re reminding yourself?” He asked, and you made a noise of affirmation, and he’s quiet for a long time. 

“Half the time, if I don’t remind myself, I just forget.” You refuse to be embarrassed or ashamed by that. “We didn’t actually break up that long ago,” you reminded him; it had only been about two years, “so I’m sorry if it’s weird for me.” 

“It’s weird for me too, okay?”

Your final scene of the Season has you laying in a hospital bed. There’s no words, just the steady beat of a heart monitor that’s going to be added in post production, and a shot of Ben’s face before he leaves, slamming the door to lean against it with his face in his hands. 

You fall asleep about five minutes into filming, and it’s only when Ben comes and lays down beside you on the hospital bed that you wake. Apparently they’d already filmed three takes. His eyes are red-rimmed, but he’s smiling.

“Don’t cry for me.” You tell him, gently teasing, laying your head on his chest and yawning loudly. He wraps an arm around you.

“Tell that to the writers.” He snorted, his hand rubbing gently up and down your arm. “I don’t know how you can sleep through all this.” He mused, and you give him a deadpan look.

“Well someone didn’t let me get a lot of sleep last night.”  Though your tone is accusatory, your smile is playful, and Ben refuses to meet your gaze, a blush rising on his cheeks.

“I’m not going to apologise for that.” He says, tone lofty, though his voice drops to a murmur. With a giggle, you press a kiss to his jaw, murmuring that he shouldn’t need to apologise anyway. 

When he looks at you, looks past the makeup they’ve put on you to make you look sick and weary to the way you’re grinning at him, and he kisses you gently, his finger beneath your chin, lifting your lips to meet his.

Ben’s called away a few moments later, and you see the woman playing Lauren smirking at him from the door frame. Ben rolls his eyes at her as he climbs from the bed, telling you over his shoulder that he’s sorry he disturbed your nap, and you laugh at that, shuffling into a comfortable position as one of the crew members came over and straightened the hospital blanket around you.

After the two of you talked in the McDonalds car park, things have become easier. There’s no more reminders, not in the traditional sense; when it’s just the two of you, he calls you dude, and you call him buddy, and neither can take the other one seriously. He almost snorted beer from his nose when the two of you grabbed dinner at a pub and you’d told him;

“You look cute tonight, buddy.”

Low effort, low pressure, you let yourselves fall into the role of best friends who occasionally kissed when in public. It’s not even weird when you remember little details about one another from when you were together, it was more fond than anything else.

“Ben, settle an argument for us,” they’re on the set of Freddie’s first apartment, and you weren’t actually in the scene, but you’d been bored out of your mind at the hotel you were staying at and came along to watch the recording. Ben was sitting beside Lucy on his phone on the brown leather sofa in the middle of the set, while Rami and Joe were laying side by side on the mattress by the piano, and you were behind the camera with Gwil, trying to touch his wig, and getting your hand slapped away every time, as if it were a game.

“Is this the most impractical bed,” Joe parroted the script, and Lucy’s delivery, to which the actress rolled her eyes with a goodnatured smile, “or just a genius designing his room to best suit his own creative feng shui?”

“Why would you ask him?” You call over as Ben considers thoughtfully for a moment. “He designs his living room about how to best minimise glare on the TV.” You snicker, and Ben looks like he’s about to protest, but then his expression changes and he’s nodding in agreement, before adding.

“The bed’s impractical though, I keep kicking my shin against it.” He adds, and when the boys are giving him a confused look, surprised that he agreed so quickly with your words, he shrugs. “We lived together, she knows what my living room looks like.” He says, as if it’s explanation enough, and honestly, it is.

“Do you ever think about getting married?” The two of you are curled up on his sofa one evening, binge watching something forgettable on Netflix, and your whole body freezes. “Christ, calm down, I’m not asking you, I’m just curious.” There’s a laugh in his words, and you let yourself relax.

“Maybe one day, when I’m a bit older.” You muse, sighing softly and leaning further into him. “When I stop playing crack whores and murder victims.” 

“But you play them so well.” He says, with all the fake-enthusiasm he can muster, and you shove him in the ribs.

“Oi, I’ve got more range than that.” You huff, before settling back down. “What about you?” You ask, and he lets out a low, long hum.

“Haven’t really thought about it much.” He admits, and you make a noise that’s halfway between amused and confused.

“What’s got you thinking about it now?” When you ask, he tightens his grip on you, just a little, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

“Not really sure.”

the rat pack: @callumidiot @rockandrollandshit @bohorap @pietrorunsforme @sweetfierceimagines @itsjackothy @mhftrs @sherlockiantheatrenerd @softbenhardy @multifandomgirlrandomstuff @virtualsheepeat @smile-nine 

(crossed out means it wouldn’t tag; i’ll try again for the next part, lemme know if you wanna be tagged xx)

[jiminies-ahmee]

CAR RIDES WITH BF!BTS

SEOKJIN 

seokjin is the type to play power ballads in the car 

maybe a bit of beyonce bc, y'all know our seokjinnie is diva 

and at the traffic lights ppl will literally be able to HEAR the both of you busting your lungs singing 

and you’ll have synchronised dance moves all down-packed to all the songs 

but seokjin isn’t one for EXTREMELY late night drives, bc he likes his beauty sleep 

however, he is definitely into fast food drive thrus 

he’ll make those iconic ‘hmmm’ and ‘wahhh’ noises and soon, it’ll rub off on you too 

it might be a good idea to let seokjin drive at all times bc you’ll be laughing way too hard at his attempts at jokes 

OMG 

YOU’D LAUGH SO HARD WHEN ITS RAINING AND SEOKJIN’S FORCED TO TURN THE WINDSHIELD WIPERS ON 

it’d be silent in the car for a few moments 

and then you’d break into a laugh 

and then seokjin would laugh 

and it’d just be a mess

y'all would be a mess 

a hot ass, diva mess 

YOONGI 

oh it wouldn’t be silent all the time 

but sometimes it would be 

bc either you were having a nap 

or yoongi was having a nap 

and he napped in the backseat 

it would warm your heart to hear his soft snores bc YES FINALLY your baby is getting his much-deserved sleep 

yoongi would always wake up to the smell of food tho, bc you knew he’d be hungry when he woke up 

and that sorta rubbed off on him 

when you would wake up in the passenger seat after dozing off, yoongi would have brought you your absolute favourite foods 

and even tho you didnt know it, yoongi had really gone out of his way to get it for you - just to see you smile 

bc he had quite literally gone off course and done a u-turn just to get the food for ya 

he a sweetie, not a meanie 

and there’d sometimes be some RNB or trap music playing in the background 

but it was almost always piano instrumentals 

bc even tho he wouldnt admit it to you, that instrument truly was his first love 

but it helped him find you <3 

NAMJOON  

now car time for namjoonie is inspiration time  

actually no, all the time is inspiration time  

when you’re behind the wheel, you’ll literally be having a convo with joon and he’d just be like ‘ooh’ or ‘yes’ out of nowhere  

and you glance at him and he’s got his nose in his notebook, quickly scribbling lyrics in his secret book  

(it isn’t secret to you tho bc he’s shared all the lyrics he’s ever written with you)  

and then he’d realise he quite literally cut you off, so he’ll look up at you and apologise profusely  

“i did it again, didn’t i?”  “it’s okay joonie, you can take the man out of the studio but you can’t take the studio of the man”  

he’d do that shy giggle he does with his hand over his mouth when you say that  

but other times, when namjoon’s the one behind the wheel  - mind you this does not happen regularly bc you aren't afraid to admit that you fear for you life when namjoon is the one driving  

he’d play all of those amazing and beautiful songs he recommends through twitter and when he’d give you the aux cord  

oh boy  

“this song is so good! quick, tweet it, y/n!”  “who sings this? this is littttttt”  

y’all will just be singing in the strangest of tones  but there’ll always be that one, heavenly moment when you’ll cut it out and literally harmonise by ACCIDENT   

and joon will just stare at you and you’ll stare at him before realising  

“JOON THE LIGHT’S GREEN, MOVE, OH MY GOD!”  

HOSEOK  

i think you already know where this is going  

hoseok does not sit still in the car unless he is tired  

and that is a rare event  

he’s always groovin’ and moovin’ 

even if you accidentally switch the station to some random one that’s playing ethnic music 

he’s poppin’ and lockin’ and no one can stop him someone stop me  

but anyways, hoseok is the one who ultimately brought you out of your shell  

his dancing and his aura of pure happiness has been passed onto you  and so you’re always dancing in the car too  

and you two are the type to take videos of it (obv the person in passenger seat is taking the video, don't snapchat and drive peeps xx) and post them to twitter and instagram and all that jazz  

car time with hobi is forever and always a fun time  

but honey, let’s not forget that as well as dancing and spitting fire, this sunshine can SING  

if a ballad comes on, oh boy, you better make sure that seatbelt real tight or you’re going to fly out the window  

he literally leaves you speechless sometimes with his vocals  

and you don't tell him, but you always manage to record him when he's singing in the car  

and you save them for when he’s away on tour that way you can keep hobi in your pocket and keep him close  

JIMIN  

this lil mochi, my peachy boy, is the dude that’ll look cool af in the car  

even if you two are on your way late at night to get something to eat  

you're out there wearing no paints, socks and slides and one of jimin’s shirts that are oversized for even him  

whilst ya boy is out there wearing sweatpants and a random tee but still looking fine af  

#thepowerofparkjimin  

and you’d complain about it sometimes bc he’d want to go into the place to eat and you’re like  

???? “do you see what i look like park jimin?”  

and he’d be like “yes, you look ethereal, now let’s go”  

he’d always hold your hand in the car  

and when he needed to use two hands on the wheel he’d literally grab onto your hard -0.4 seconds after his hand was free  

whenever you two would go driving together you’d always let jimin drive bc you knew he liked it and he didn’t get to do much of it during other times  

omg you’d try to be sly and snap a few pics of him bc goddamn, but he’d realise and pull the silliest faces just to make you laugh  

“yah, stop taking pictures, what are you? my personal paparazzi?” he’d tease  

song wise, i feel like it’s either really soft music with jimin or like…. hardcore suggestive music  

with soft music he’d be holding your hand and sing along quietly  

but with the suggestive music well…. he’d just wriggle his eyebrows at you and smirk bc HA ITS SO FUNNY ISNT IT  

“should i change the song, y/n? but i like it :(“  

TAEHYUNG  

oooft this boy  

he’ll call you up randomly at the most ungodly of hours asking if you wanted to go for a drive  

you’d always say yes bc why would you say no???  

and so he’d pick you up and the two of you would just drive around the city  

soft jazz music in the background bc taehyung has pretty cool and eccentric taste  

and he’d just hum along  

which would quite literally put you to sleep sometimes  

and tae would just giggle bc wow you're so cute  

but at other times - like when the rest of the world is awake - it’d be lively music  

bc tae needs to wake up and so do you  

it’d be so funny bc tae would play english songs and he wouldnt know some of the words  

and he’d just start blabbering sounds that he thought sounded similar enough to the actual lyrics  

(if this aint me with kpop tho)  

and he’d just be such a great person to be in the car with  

sometimes it’d be quiet between the two of you bc just being with one another was enough  

or sometimes the two of you would just be laughing so hard at a story tae was telling  

or sometimes it’d be a bit of a deep, emotional convo about the past or things that tae or even you just need to get off your chests  

and you loved each and every one of those moments  

bc tae made everything fun  

even if you were both bawling your eyes out in a parking lot after getting a little carried away with your deep chats, he’d fail at cracking a joke and you’d both be a giggling, crying mess  

but tae still thought you were the prettiest thing, so don't you worry a bit xx  

JUNGKOOK  

alright this boy  

sometimes the two of you would spend more time arguing over who got to drive than actually sitting in the damn car  

usually it’d be settled with an arm wrestle or whoever simply got to the driver’s seat first  

you both have a few bumps and bruises bc of the second scenario  

it’d be funny sometimes to watch kook drive tho bc he’d get a little rusty after tour and he’d just sit there in the driver’s seat completely zoned out  

“kookie, you have to switch the ignition on, buddy. we’re losing daylight here.”  

but the both of you would have this set playlist and set songs where the both of you would have individual parts  

like you’d do duets together in the car  

sometimes rap, sometimes pop, sometimes ballads  

but y’all put your all in each and every song  and the both of you would sometimes make it a competition to see who could sing better 

jungkook would sing songs trot style lmao  

and sometimes you’ll be out of breath by the time you reach your destination  

but it’s all good  

you’d also spend a lot of time in the parking lots of fast food restaurants bc foooooddd

and you’d always scold jungkook bc he’d always buy too much food but still manage to scoff it all down  

“jeon jungkook, how the hell are we going to eat all of this?”  

lol within 10 minutes the food’s all gone sis, you both scoffed it all  

“i told you you’d eat it all”  

roasting each other all the time  

and then having to cheer up a butthurt jungkook bc he took it to heart just a lil bit  

“jungkook, i’m joking”  

oh and sometimes you’d grab his hand while he was driving and he’d get  all startled  

and you’d laugh at him  

but he’d just grip onto your hand tighter till it hurt a little  

“ow!”  

“oh sorry, i just forget how strong i am sometimes”  

[i-just-need-to-talk-please]

1: The last person you kissed screams they love you, you say… (yeah right, bitch)

2: Did you get to sleep in today? (Sadly..)

3: You never know what you got until you lose it? (My mom)

4: Do you have siblings? (No, lonely childhood)

5: How many kids do you want? (2-3)

6: Who was the last person you held hands with?(friend as a joke)

7: Did you stand on your tippy-toes for your last kiss?(nope, 6'2" babey)

8: Do you think if you died, the last person you kissed would care?(yeah)

9: Last person to talk on the phone?(bestfriend)

10: Did anyone watch you the last time you kissed someone?(no)

11: When’s your birthday?(4/21)

12: Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?(yes)

13: What kind of phone do you have?(galaxy s5)

14: Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants? (Shorts)

15: Are you a different person now than you were 5 years ago? (Vastly different)

16: What were you doing at 4 am?(sleeping)

17: Would you rather write a paper or give a speech?(either honestly)

18: Are you lying to yourself about something?(always)

19: Last night you felt…?(sad and alone)

20: What’s something you cannot wait for?(the new Godzilla:king of the monsters)

21: Ever told your parents you were going somewhere but when somewhere different?(constantly)

22: How many hours of sleep did you get last night?(both too many and not enough)

23: Are you a morning or night person?(night)

24: What did you get your last bruise from?(probably bumping into things)

25: Do you reply to all of your texts?(always)

26: Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for. What do you do?(hang up)

27: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?(yes)

28: Anyone you would like to get things straight with?(my mom)

29: How many months until your birthday?(2 months and 1 day

30: Favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?(jelly)

31: Did you like this past summer?(yeah, the scene change from small farming town to big city life was cool)

32: What were you doing before you got on the computer? (Watching youtube)

33: Your ex is sitting next to you, with their new partner. What do you do? (Get up and walk off to find a place to break down)

34: What is the last thing you said out loud?(what the fuck "brooklyn accent")

35: Your mood summed into one work?(con from stupid effing bird. disparity)

36: Are you doing anything else besides taking this survey?(listening to youtube)

37: What are your initials?( L A I)

38: Are you a happy person?(not generally, just really good at faking it)

39: Do you still talk to the person you liked 4 months ago?(nope not at all)

40: Where do you want to live when your older?(i dont)

41: Have you had your birthday this year?(nope)

42: What did you do yesterday?(ran errands and did some work)

43: What will you be doing tomorrow?(who knows)

44: How late did you stay up last night?(3:30 ish)

45: Is there anyone you would do anything for?(several people)

46: Is it hard to make you laugh?(depends on the person and the day)

47: Do you believe ex’s can be just friends?(eh, sometimes)

48: Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again?(a couple already do)

49: How many people have you had feelings for in the year of 2018? (3ish)

50: Do you wish your ex was dead?(i just wish her life was as bad as mine is now)

51: Have you ever dyed your hair?(hell yeah, a bunch of different colors)

52: Would ever take back someone that cheated?(probably, im a dumbass)

53: Was New Year’s Even enjoyable?(yeah spent it wacthing vines with my bestfriend)

54: Bet you’re missing someone right now?(very badly)

55: How would your parent react if you got a tattoo?(shrug it off after a few minutes of being pissed off)

56: Sleep on your back or stomach?(belly sleeper)

57: If you could move away, no questions asked, where would it be ?(jacala mexico, the hague netherlands, or campobasso italy)

58: What would you change about your life right now?(everything)

59: Has anything upset you in the past week?(christ alive, so many things)

60: Are you on the phone?(yes)

61: Today, would you rather go forward a week or back? (Forward)

62: Would you take $40,000 or a brand new car?(money, i could buy my dream car with thay)

63: Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?(quite often)

64: Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone?(more times tgan id like to admit)

65: Have you ever copied someone elses homework?(yeas i went to highschool)

66: Are you the type of person who liks to be out or at home?(depends on the weather and my mood)

67: Do you automatically check your phone when you wake up?(yeah)

68: Have you ever stayed up all night on the phone?(in several occasions)

69: Could you use some sleep right now?(very much so)

70: Are you going to have a baby by the time you’re 18?(no i did not)

71: Does it bother you when someone hides things from you? (Yes just be up front with things)

72: What’s your favorite color?(blue)

73: Have you ever slept in the same room with someone you liked?(on numerous occasions)

74: Have you ever been looking for something and it was already in your hand?(Consistently)

75: Do you get annoyed easily?(usually)

76: If someone liked you, would you want them to tell you?(yes please, juat be straight forward)

77: Do you have a person of the opposite sex that you can tell everything to?(yeah my bestfriend, audrea)

78: Does anyone call you babe?(bri and meagan do)

79: How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? (Not many)

80: What do you prefer, relationship or one night stand?(relationship)

81: What color hoodie did you wear last?(black)

82: Is there someone who meant alot to you at one point, and isn’t around anymore? (My mom)

[yourjughead]

A2

Sweet Pea x Reader Requested (kind of)

A/N: so I have a bunch of other actually defined requests to write but when this lovely sent this to my inbox I felt instantly inspired even if it wasn't a total request (maybe it was idk?) But anyway, thanks for your lovely words. I wrote this tonight in a half an hour so sorry if it's not great, I just had to write while the inspiration was still there.❤️

----------------------------------

“Can you please hold still ynn”

“Ughh it's so boooring Pea” you whined, forcing yourself to sit up on the stool properly again.

“Well it's not my fault someone ate my bowl of fruit” Sweet Pea turned to Fangs who was swinging back in his chair, with his hands up in defense. Fangs winked at you before Sweet Pea threw charcoal at him, getting a clean shot into his eye. He howled immediately as the both of you laughed. Sweet Pea looked at you laughing at Fangs and quickly snapped a picture, neither of you noticing.

“It'll be easier to draw from a reference who doesn't have the bladder of a Chihuahua” you glared playfully at his words and he took another picture.

“Well with that Picasso, I have to leave, Dad will be expecting me home soon”

“Oh Dad must not know you're sneaking around with your boyfriend and his delinquent friends?”

“I'm not sneaking Fangs, everyone knows I hang around with you idiots, unfortunately”

“Leave her alone Fangs, no one is sneaking” Sweet Pea ended his sentence by locking his sad eyes on yours.

“Yeah leave me alone Fangs” you mimicked playfully, kicking one of the supporting legs from under him, sending him sailing back. You made an attempt to see Sweet Peas charcoal drawings only to have he immediately squirrel them away upon your approach. You had just accepted it, you would never see any of his drawings unless by accident, even after almost two years dating.

~

With a few texts later that day asking you to model for his college portfolio for the night, you agreed to stay, enjoying any time you could with your boyfriend, and at his trailer? What an unusual occurrence. Recently his mom left and so slowly he was letting you into SunnySide more often, without that witch around to threaten you.

You sat on a stool in Sweet Peas trailer much like you did in Fangs house earlier, bored already. Sweet Pea however was completely enthralled and by 11pm had gone through many pages in many different mediums of art and silenced and repositioned you countless times.

“Sweet Pea I really have to go the bathroom pllleeaaase” he rolled his eyes but even he needed a drink at this stage. He sighed before releasing you from your duties.

You had been in Sweet Peas home a few times since his mom left but never beyond the kitchen or living room for any reason, so truth be told you opening the door into his bedroom and not the one into the bathroom, which laid adjacent, was a total mistake.

“Wait no!” His words came too late, you had already stepped inside the swirl of paper he called a bedroom. Art supplies and paper covered every inch of the room, reams and reams of paper, endless amounts it seemed.

“Oh my goodness, you're a hoarder! My boyfriend is a hoarder! I'm going to end up on the news!” you laughed lightly at the sight, Sweet Pea stepped between you and the door, your chests almost touching.

“You don't need to see in there, it's all rough drafts of sketches that never came to be...it's all waste paper….and i don't know my socks are probably on the floor” you raised an eyebrow before stepping back as he closed the door again.

“Okay okay, if you insist...can I have a drink?” He nodded in compliance and as he stepped from blocking your way you lunged for the door, bursting through and into what felt like pages of a book.

“Ynn!” he was definitely too late this time. You has seen the countless drawings, sketches, etches of you and your friends. Paint, chalk, pastels, pencil, watercolour, you name it and there were half finished creations everywhere.

“Are thes- are these me?” You just collected a random sample from his barely legible desk, he seemed immediately ashamed taking them from you only to have you quickly replace them with others.

“They're not done...none of them are, I can't quite get you no matter what I do...you must think I'm crazy” you were almost too busy looking at the intricate details to hear him. You separated your eyes from the pages to focus on the walls. They too were covered with pages but also pictures. Pictures of you and your friends, you on your own, you and him. You traced your fingers across a few of them with Sweet Peas eyes fixed on your every movement for any sign of negative expression. Instead you just seemed amazed at the sheer quantity and quality.

“Ynn please say something, I might be sick if you don't"

“I love them Pea, I mean you might want to try to draw a few objects for the portfolio as well as portraits but still, wow” you continued inspecting before separating a picture of the both of you from the wall, a smile on your face at the sight. It was the both of you on his bike, making little goofy faces at one another, your shoulders encapsulated by his Serpent Jacket. You could almost feel the winter chill through the ink. Toni really was talented at capturing the ordinary.

“This is my favorite photo...you should draw this”

“I don't know ynn, I've never done a self portrait and-”

“Then I'll draw you and you can draw me? Please?” He couldn't say no to you, rolling his eyes before searching for materials.

“Are you sure you have paper?” You teased and he threw a slipper at you.

“Hey! What's with all the throwing lately!” You smirked, clutching the photo and his slipper.

~

Soon the two or you stood over a table and an A2 sheet. It didn't seem to make sense to you to work separately, instead you both were leaned over the table drawing around each other. At one point Sweet Pea stood behind you, a hand propping himself up alongside one of your arms, the other busy etching on the other side. He was literally drawing around you and the feeling of his arms on either side of you made you feel safe, his warm breath on your neck sent electrical shivers down your spine. You both blocked in the world surrounding your figures in the photo, Sweet Pea especially loving your attention to detail on his precious bike.

“How come you don't draw more often ynn?”

“I don't really know, I guess I stopped liking the solitary aspect of it...I much prefer this” he agreed and you both continued at the masterpiece into the AMs, finally stopping when 3 reared its head.

The both of you stood back to admire your lovingly crafted piece. It wasn't perfect or as susynced in style as if one person did it, but it was yours. Your two different styles melting together to create something unique and beautiful, something you both loved.

“So...who gets to keep it?” You finally broke them comfortable silence of two artists admiring their work, for Sweet Pea it felt like it was the first time he's ever done that. His brow stitched together and he swallowed hard.

“What is it Pea?”

“I wa- how did you know there's something?” neither of you letting your eyes leave the decorated paper.

“It's almost like I know you or something? Funny that isnt it?” you bumped your side off his.

“Well see….well see I was just thinking about maybe if we both kept it?”

“What you mean like half it?”

“Well no...I mean what if you just moved in here...you know for the sake of the art” your head snapped to his, recognising the monumentale courage it took for this relationship shy guy to take this leap. You nodded eagerly, draping your arms across his shoulders and meeting him sweetly with your lips.

“Yanno, for the sake of the art” he chuckled softly, leaning his forehead against yours, his warm hands on your hips as he gently swayed you both.

“Although I don't know about sharing with a hoarder...and if you draw me while I'm asleep, that is crossing some Twilight level boundary and I will break up with you” you laughed and he returned the same.

~

Soon the trailer was filled with your things, you hung his art from the walls properly much to his displeasure, only agreeing to it if you did the same with yours. The trailer was becoming a home like no other, a studio, a safe space. Sweet Pea happily settling into this new step with you.

An A2 hanging on the wall.

------------------------

Xx

[lumilasi]

Part 3 of the ocs/Vesuvia crossover series

(recommend reading first two too)

Part 1: https://lumilasi.tumblr.com/post/175679667601/sosince-helias-isnt-an-apprentice-character-and

Part 2: https://lumilasi.tumblr.com/post/175782057246/second-short-story-snippet-for-this-au-thingy-or

More pics about HeliasxJulian AND AsraxLina:

https://lumilasi.tumblr.com/post/174300355036/sooo-i-promised-my-buddy-to-draw-her-apprentice

https://lumilasi.tumblr.com/post/173387479636/alright-so-my-friend-mad-hatter-rici-has-lately

https://lumilasi.tumblr.com/post/174114849686/another-picture-set-that-needs-some-longer

https://lumilasi.tumblr.com/post/174527838151/helias-short

Here’s the story for this picture: (Lina is the apprentice of this verse, paired with Asra, and belongs to my friend @mad-hatter-rici)

Lina and her companion hurried across the streets of Vesuvia, and she felt sorry for Julian’s ear beforehand; Portia looked rather frustrated, which wasn’t surprising; her brother had made a number of himself again, apparently, and the two women were currently heading to Rowdy Raven to hopefully stop him before the dramatic man did something overly foolish - again.

Soon enough, they spot the familiar sign, and Portia marches in without any hesitation, then stopping on her tracks almost as soon as she enters. Lina almost bumps at her and rubs her nose, peeking from behind the redhead woman to see what she was glaring at.

The sight that greeted them was not at all surprising; the auburn haired man was currently fooling around hopelessly drunk, dancing on the table with his shirt half-untucked, multiple people cheering him on.

”For the love of...Ilya!” Portia marches towards him, making few bystanders back away a tad spooked upon seeing her peeved expression.

”Ahh, Pasha! How nice to see you here!” Julian greets her with a drunken grin, then proceeds to tug his sister on to the table, managing to avoid the hand trying to grab his ear in the process.

”Ilya what are you doing?! You are attracting too much attention!” Portia hisses at her brother, who just chuckles and twirls her around for a bit, before hugging her and rubbing his cheek sloppily against her hair.

”Have I ever told you how much I luv you Pasha? You’re the best little sister I could’ve ever hoped for!” He declares dramatically, gaining a slight eyeroll from the short woman who attempts to push him off her gently, but firmly.

 Lina glanced around, but luckily so far there were no guards or any of the sort in the premises. The onlookers had began to dissipate too now that they’d come, likely having seen Portia drag her brother away before.

”Yeah yeah I know Ilya, just come down will you?”

”Buut Pashaa, the night has just begun! You should join me on the dance floor, the music is quite good!” He declares and claps his hands together in rhythm with the music.

”We aren’t even on the floor!” She informs him and jumps down, trying to tug him down from the table as well.

”Come on, we need to go!”

Julian just sighs dramatically and slips his hand away from her grasp, giving her a pouty look.

”Why won’t my dear little sister dance with me? My heart is broken.” He declares with a hand held on his chest, gripping his shirt from where his heart was.

Portia rolls her eyes again and glances at Lina, as if asking her to help her out with this dramatic baby. Before the mage could even open her mouth however, a strong aura of magic brushes past her, and she looks up to find...Helias, beside her.

Shocked to see him there again, for a moment she just looks at him stunned. He was wearing the same cloak from before, gazing up at Julian with that same, pleasant and amused expression. Underneath the cloak he had a different outfit from usual she noted, which wasn’t too surprising; Nadia changed outfits almost daily as well. 

”Your highness! What brings you here?” 

Portia asks equally stunned, then notes how the foreign ruler was gazing at her brother. Slowly, she turns her gaze back towards the auburn haired drunkard on the table, who’d stopped to take a breather, only for his breathing to halt momentarily as he sees the figure examining him.

”....My Lord, what a pleasant surprise! What brings you here in this hour?” He manages to regain his composure, fixing his shirt a bit and bows dramatically, which almost results him in tripping to his own feet, being a bit too drunk perhaps.

”Curiosity as always, Doctor, curiosity.” 

Helias chuckles softly, then walks closer, and actually steps - or rather sort of floats up in one fluid stepping motion - to join him on the table. It was such a bizarre sight, and a lot of people were gawking at the pair right now, which concerned both Portia and Lina equally.

Not just for Julian, it had to be dangerous for a leader - even if he was magic - to just randomly walk around like this with what was clearly expensive clothing.

Lina had honestly wondered about it last time too, and as she examined the Mirthas’ Emperor now, she could sense a powerful enchantment from the cloak he wore. 

Perhaps...

”Well I cannot deny I am delighted to see you again. I also must thank you for your kind words you’d apparently stated about me, even if I feel they are not deserved.”

Portia and Lina quickly glance at each other with heightened tension; they could not be sure how the ruler reacted to the knowledge of them eavesdropping on his conversation with his sister.

Helias just glances at them amused, before turning his gaze back at Julian. The green eyes held the same kind of intrigue from last time, and for a brief moment Julian found himself just sort of lost in them, examining the vivid, inhuman hue closely.

He still did not know what Helias was exactly, other than he probably was magic user somehow.

”I may disagree with that, but I’d rather not ruin your mood with bickering. It was quite amusing, watching you dance.”

 Julian flashes him a grin, striking a pose that gained an eyeroll from his sister, which he ignored.

”Always glad to entertain My Lord.”

”Helias. I do not care much for the title when speaking off-duty so to say.” Helias tells him with a soft laugh, then steps closer, making the brunet’s heart skip a beat, though he opted not to show his sudden nervousness.

”Well, then I must insist you call me Julian, my dear.” He tells him with a chuckle, brushing trough his auburn locks with a charming smile across his pale face.

”Very well then, Julian.” 

A pale hand reaches up to play with the long, wavy white hair as the ruler seems to contemplate on for a moment on what to do next. Lina glances at Portia, who was looking back at her uncertain, not knowing if they should interfere or not. So far, Helias’ opinion had been positive when it came to Ilya, but knowing her brother, he could turn this sour very soon.

Eventually, the cloaked figure breaks the relative silence however, offering Julian the kind of coy smile that could easily make most hearts stutter. Well, at least his did, but the doctor was aware of how easily he could be affected, so maybe it was just him.

”Perhaps you could offer me a dance? You do seem to have the skills for it.”

The brunet flushes a little at that, but then just grins, boldly grasping his hand - much to the shock and worry for his sister - tugging his companion closer, who just chuckles at his gesture, not bothered by it much to Portia’s relief.

”Why I’d be flattered to offer you one, your highness. I just hope you can keep up, I’d rather not injure your delicate feet.” He glances down pointedly, and indeed, Lina notes that like last time, Helias was barefoot. She was really curious about that honestly, figuring maybe she should ask about it sometime as it was a bit bizarre.

”Oh I am sure you’d love to, but I would prefer doing it on the floor.”

”Oh don’t worry dear, I’ll be careful with you.”

A pale hand lifts up to brush his cheek, taking the brunet by surprise.

”It’s more a concern of your wellbeing, Julian. If you trip and fall, you might injure yourself.”

 The brunet was about to inform him there was no need to worry given his peculiar trait, but he is too struck by the genuine soft concern in the musical voice, so instead, he steps down from the table, still holding a pale hand on his gloved one. He brings it up to his lips and kisses it, just as Helias slips back down from the table as well.

”If you insist, my dear.”

 Lina and Portia resign to watch from the sidelines as the brunet dances with his more unusual partner, and the young mage notes Helias was a capable dancer too. She also noticed that his feet rarely touched the ground. He’d also dropped his cloak briefly and leaving it at the edge of the table, likely to make it easier for him to dance. This was the first time she’d seen him wearing an outfit with pants, but it actually didn’t look that weird.

”Is he...floating? I don’t think Ilya is holding him up that much even if he’s shorter...” Portia muses out confused, having noticed the same thing she did.

”I think...he is. It’s some sort of passive magic thing maybe? Perhaps his kindred just like to move around by floating in general?” Lina contemplates on this peculiar detail, holding her chin thoughtfully. It didn’t feel likely as she’d never seen Lady Gwendolyn float. She always marched forward with determined steps.

 ”What are they exactly? I mean...I know Lord Helias and Lady Gwendolyn are some sort of magic folk. Milady has been telling us to be kind of hush hush about it, but...”

Lina could see her friend’s tendency to gossip shine trough for a bit as she examined the dancing pair curiously now. If the mage was honest with herself, she was curious too. The same time though, she had asked Asra about this, and he’d told her to not worry about it, stating that whatever their true selves were, neither sibling was a malevolent being.

Watching Julian and Sir Helias dance, Lina suddenly felt a pang of something in her chest; she missed Asra. He’d gone off again this morning, and even if he’d promised to be back by tomorrow, she still felt horrible sense of loneliness whenever he was away.

”We should probably get Ilya out of here soon; Lord Helias is bound to attract attention.” Portia points out suddenly, snapping Lina out of her thoughts. She sighs and smiles with a nod, and the two head for the pair. As if sensing them approach, Helias makes Julian halt his steps, and he turns to look at the two women.

”I presume you wish to send your brother home by now, my sweet?” The white haired figure asks from Portia with a light smile, and the woman nods, offering him a polite smile.

”If it’s not too much of a bother to you sire.”

”Of course not; I understand he should probably go and sleep this off.” Helias chuckles, turning to look at the brunet who looked miffed; he’d clearly been enjoying their dance a lot.

”Your skills are extraordinary my dear; then again, I should expect nothing less from a royalty.”

”Please; I simply followed your lead, Doctor.” Helias tells him with a laugh, patting his cheek gently, gaining a slight flush from his companion, who coughs a bit and then reminds him with a scolding finger to just use his name instead.

”Ah, of course, Julian. My apologies.” Helias chuckles, picking up his cloak and putting it back on, and then turns back at the two girls.

 ”I’d join you bringing him home, but I believe that would not be ......ideal to you given his circumstance.”

”Yes, we’d prefer if people wouldn’t know where he is staying at the moment much, sorry.” Lina offers the ruler an apologetic smile, but Helias just nods, stating he understood it fully.

”I should make haste as well to be frank with you; my sister has been….on the edge lately, and she’ll grow concerned if I’m gone for too long.” The white haired figure sighs and nods at them, glancing at Julian with a wry smile. 

”Hopefully I get to dance with you again, Julian; it was quite entertaining.”

”Ah, I hope so too.” The brunet manages to mumble out and watches as the pale figure disappears into the streets again.

As Lina gazes after him, she suddenly notices another familiar figure who heads after him, but not before giving them a glance. 

Azul. 

So the mage was still keeping an eye on the fluffy haired ruler.

After a brief moment of examining them, the blunet turns to head after Helias, but not before the snake on his shoulder waves his tail at them as a greeting.

”That guy again?” Portia muses upon noticing what Lina was looking at.

”Makes you wonder what happened in the past to have someone constantly stalk Lord Helias.”

Lina couldn’t agree more with her friend.

After a moment of silence, she sighs and gestures Portia to bring Julian to Mazelinka so he could sleep off his hangover.

Whee third story completed.

I initially planned to draw another picture to go along with this short story snippet, but my brain just sort of short circuited and I couldn’t decide on what to draw for it.

I’m also going to go into the actual story-reason behind why Helias is in Vesuvia soon enough; since he is not an apprentice, I wanted to create an actual background story for his presence and how this ship came to be.

Since, Y know, it’s not my style to ship stuff without giving it a story. The best part (to me anyway) about any sort of ship and couple is the journey to the point they are together, not the destination.

Helias, Azul, Azul’s snake (C) Me

Lina, Gwendolyn (C) @mad-hatter-rici

Julian, Portia, Nadia, Mazelinka (C) Nix Hydra

[lance-mcpain-is-my-mcgain]

Exhausted Parents Kiss - Klance

I was asked to write this by @lukewarmravensinatub, I’m so, so sorry this is late!  I had a bit of difficulty with it and the ending is a little rushed so I apologize if it isn’t what you had hoped for!

Lance huffed as he shut the apartment door behind him, groaning when he heard the telltale signs of the cat and dog fighting.  “Blue, baby, come here!”  Lance whistled and clapped his hand against his thigh as he hung his messenger bag up beside the door.  Blue trotted over to Lance’s side with a wagging tail and lolling tongue.

Lance sighed and ran his fingers through his hair as he began to wander into the half-kitchen half-living room.  “You know beautiful, you can’t always fight with Red,” The Cuban boy tossed himself down onto the couch and rubbed behind his faithful dog’s ears.  Blue purrs and rubs her head against Lance’s knees and lap.

With one head rubbing Blue’s head, Lance reached over to grab the remote that was resting on the coffee table.  He picked it up and began to flick through stations until he landed on Comedy Central channel.  Lance rubbed his neck and reached under the coffee table to grab one of his textbooks.

(Read Under The Cut)

Blue hopped up beside her owner and cuddled into his side as he cracked open his textbook.  Red stalked back into the living room and hissed at Blue, provoking the lab.  Blue growled at the cat and shifted even closer to her owner.

Lance raised his hand to rub his temples at the headache that was beginning to form.  After a roughly six hour shift, he really didn’t want to study for the upcoming AP Biology test.  With a glance at the clock, he realized that it was almost eight, Keith should’ve been home thirty minutes ago.  

The Cuban pulled his legs up to his chest, along with the open textbook.  His hand absentmindedly went to Blue’s fur and his eyes to the screen that flashed neon colors.  Lance tossed his head back and rolled his neck, groaning loudly when he realized he definitely had to study for his test.

His phone buzzed and Lance placed his feet on the coffee table.  He set his textbook beside him, behind Blue, and pulled his phone out from his back pocket.  A text from Hunk.

Hunk: Dude, Pidge and I just got off work, saw Keith

Lance: he isnt home yet, is he with you

Hunk: Yeah, his bike broke down and his phone died

Hunk: We’ll drop him off soon

Lance: thanks bud means a lot

Blue groaned as she shifted and Lance rubbed her head again, briefly, before tossing his phone and textbook onto the coffee table.  Lance walked into his bedroom that he shared with Keith and yanked his shirt off to replace it with his favorite sweatshirt.  Lance heard the front door swing open and a chorus of voices bombarded the apartment.

“Blue!  Hey there, baby, I bet you miss Yellow, don’tcha?”  Hunk cooed as he rushed into the living room.

“Honey, I’m home,” Pidge chortled.

“Sorry, Lance, I told them they didn’t have to come up here, but no wasn’t an answer.”  Keith yawned and appeared in the doorway.  Lance laughed when he caught sight of Keith’s helmet hair and tossed his boyfriend his hairbrush.

“You need that, dear, I’ll go take care of our guests.”  Lance lightly kissed Keith’s cheek as he passed by him.  Hunk was still spoiling Blue with attention while Pidge was sitting beside the dog with a computer in their lap.  “You two had no problems getting comfortable, huh?”

Hunk turned around and stood up, “Hey Lance, sorry, haha, couldn’t help myself.”  Lance waved his hand and hugged his best friend, patting him harshly on the back.  Hunk laughed and patted his friend on the back even harsher, making Lance wobble forward.

“It’s okay, dude,” Lance stepped away and glanced at Pidge, “you’ve only been here for like a minute, pidgey, what are you doing?”  

Pidge didn’t bother looking up, “I’m stuck on this coding issue, I’ve been working on it for the past two and a half hours.”  Blue jumped up to chase Red into the bedroom and Hunk cried out, not done with fawning over Blue.  Keith wandered in and tossed himself down onto the loveseat with a loud sigh.

Hunk looked from Keith to Lance before yanking Pidge’s computer away, “Let’s get going, we still haven’t had dinner yet.”  Pidge whined and fussed as Hunk ushered the younger one towards the front door.

“See you later, you two!”

“Bye, I’ll try to get your bike fixed ASAP, Keith!”

With that, the front door slammed shut and the two guests were officially gone.  Lance wobbled over to his boyfriend and plopped himself down onto a couch, draping his legs over Keith’s thighs.  Keith absentmindedly rested his hand on Lance’s ankle and glued his eyes to the TV.  “How was work?”

“Absolutely miserable, Coran was out sick so Allura was making me do double the work,” Lance grumbled.

Keith chuckled, “Shiro wouldn’t stop talking about his date with Allura, she was probably nervous about that today as well.”  Keith leaned towards Lance with the intention of stealing a kiss, but was cut short when a loud bark startled him.  He looked towards the origin of the sound to see Blue, wriggling around excitedly.

Blue kept wriggling about, whining and barking quite annoyingly.  “I haven’t fed the animals yet, would you mind?”  Lance gave his boyfriend puppy eyes and tilted his head, Keith gave in faster than usual.

“Fine, fine, I’ll feed your beast and my angel.”  Keith teased as he pushed himself off the couch and into the guest bedroom that was practically Blue and Red’s room.  Lance glared at his textbook and decided he’d study in the morning; he put his textbook away under the table and snatched his phone up.

Three notifications: one was a reminder to feed the animals, one was from Instagram, and the last one was from a game Lance played in his free time.  With a yawn, Lance stretched himself across the small couch, making himself comfortable.  Keith walked out of the guest room and made a beeline for his lanky boyfriend.

Without hesitation, Keith straddled Lance and pouted when Lance continued to fiddle around on his phone.  Keith snatched Lance’s phone from him and tossed it onto the table, making the other gasp.  “You’re so adorable, getting jealous over a phone,” Lance chuckled, “Get down here.”

Lance tightened his grip on Keith’s hip and moved his other hand up to pull Keith’s face towards his.  He pressed his forehead against Keith’s and the other hummed contently.  “Have I ever mentioned that your eyes are beautiful?”

“Almost every day, love,” Keith grinned and chuckled, enjoying the nickname.

Lance entangled his fingers in Keith’s mullet and shifted around so their noses bumped against each other’s with every breath.

Keith took a deep breath and released it before dipping down, placing his chapped lips against Lance’s soft ones.  Lance tightened his grip in Keith’s mullet, pulling the other even closer.  Keith hummed into the kiss, parting his lips for Lance’s tongue to enter.  Gladly, he did and explored every centimeter of Keith’s mouth that he could get to.

Keith’s hands began to roam, but before they could get any further than kissing, Blue barked.  Lance nearly threw Keith off him before hugging his boyfriend, laughing like a madman.  Keith joined in and Blue just cocked her head, looking at her owners in confusion.

The two pressed their foreheads together again.  Soft, love stricken smiles on their dopey features.  “I love you, Mullethead.”

“I love you even more, diva.”  Lance stuck his tongue out and Keith snickered.

Lance smirked and placed a gentle, chaste kiss upon Keith’s lips.

[captainsuke]

2016 writing meme

Tagged by @itzaimster​ 1. List of works published this year:  Being Human & Not (TMNT) ,   Anger & Other Useless Emotions (TMNT) ,  a story of two on the way down (losers) , Routine Moments (losers) , a ride home (losers) , in the beginning (preacher) , at the end (preacher) , dog eat dog (fargo tv) , aftermath (MCU) , We Hunt Those Who Hunt Others (teenwolf) , striking of a match (the flash/legend of tomorrow) , little brother (the accountant) , ash on my fingertips and soot in my lungs (boardwalk empire) , things you dont see in waking hours (boardwalk empire) 2. Work you are most proud of (and why): dog eat dog. the rest were flashes of OMG I LOVE THIS THING HERE IS AN EXPLOSION OF MY FEELS, this one required a bit more sticking with. 3. Work you are least proud of (and why):  we hunt those who hunt others. its kind of poorly written and i only published it because what else do you do with finished stories that have sat on your computer forever. 4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:  (immabouttospamyou) He makes himself a mug of coffee, too strong and too sweet really but finds himself drinking it anyway as he stares out the grime streaked window, hip resting beside the sad little cactus.  It's a funny little thing, leaning sideways like it had halfway melted one day and there's a fine sheen of dust covering it. “How are you not dead?” He asks it, poking at what looks like a smooth part – it's not – he sucks his finger and glares at it. Even Wrench's fucking cactus hates him. /& i literally clawed my face off writing this because inapproriate make out sess Numbers has a lighter in one hand and the end of a gasoline soaked rag in the other and Wrench is looking at him like he hung the goddamned moon or something. “Shut the fuck up.” He says even though Wrench isn't saying anything and pointedly looks at the his hands just so he doesn't have to see that not-quite-smug grin lighting up Wrench's face. He can fucking hear Wrench grinning but he doesn't push it any further, just gives Numbers a gentle shoulder bump as he passes by to take the duffel bag over to their car. “Fuck.” Numbers mutters to himself, yet again pausing, he's forgetting something. He flicks the lighter a couple of times for inspiration and then walks back to the front of the SUV and opens the door again. Poor Officer Delaney looks at him with such hopeful eyes that Numbers almost feels bad. Instead he reaches across the seat and collects the little cactus sitting in the cup holder. He didn't go to all the trouble of rescuing it just to let it burn. Delaney screams are muffled behind duct tape but he still makes a good amount of noise, but Numbers lights the gasoline soaked rag, and takes a good half a dozen steps back. Once he's sure the fire definitely caught on, he retreats back to where Wrench is waiting by their car. Wrench has the strangest look on his face when Numbers comes back with little cactus cradled in his hand. There's literally a man burning to death not more than fifty feet from them but that doesn't stop Numbers feeling like a schoolkid whose just asked someone to go steady and is anxiously awaiting an answer. Wrench takes the cactus from his hands, puts it carefully in the front of the car and then turns back to Numbers. 'What now?' 'Lay low, head west, M-O-N-T-A-N-A. Might have some a job or two across the border.' Numbers shrugs, then repeats. 'Lay low.' 'You hate the cold.' 'I hate everything.' Numbers grimaces, though Wrench isn't wrong. He feels like he's cold all the goddamned time, but to be honest once they pass the 45th parallel it all seemed to blend into a miserable but monotonous cold. 'I hate prison more.' He doesn't know why, but that seems to bring Wrench's fond look back to full force. He's about to sign a 'What?' when Wrench just about jumps him, arms wrapping around him, lifting him up, his face buried in Numbers' neck. “What th-” Numbers struggles and the elbow he tries to swing at ribs hits a chest that may as well be a brickwall. “Jesus Christ.” He mutters to himself before giving up and wrapping his arms around Wrench's neck, resigning himself to being awkwardly carried to the front of the car and spread across the hood. He spares a moment to think about how grossly inappropriate this is but then Wrench has his hands at Numbers' belt and he doesn't think about much but biting kisses and hands fumbling at clothes. Then the SUV explodes and reality comes crashing back. “Ffffuuuck.” Numbers breathes out a groan and lets his head drop back on the hard metal of the hood. He can feel Wrench, his head resting on Number's chest, shaking with quiet little huffs of laughter. He reaches down, holds the man's face in his hands and says, “We gotta go.” / One day he'll be older and wiser, one day he'll navigate Cosa Nostra prejudice and Irish contempt like second nature, he'll make money off everyone and leave them all feeling like it was a good deal. One day it'll be months since he threw a punch, days since he fired a gun and Benny will itch just thinking about it. He couldn't live like that. 5. Share or describe a favorite review you received: one from my in the beginning fic that was so long and lovely i glowed for a week. 6. A time when writing was really, really hard:  several deadspots, but my worst was probably late october i started slowing but by mid november i stopped writing completely til about four days ago, when apparently it was time to have feelings again, 7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:  making out while a cop burns to death in the background. im not kidding i had claw marks on my face as i tried to work out where it came from and why it was refusing to go away 8. How did you grow as a writer this year:  im currently writing an actual action story. where the entire story is one event. i usually write feelings and introspective pieces. i hate stories with plot. help 9. How do you hope to grow next year:  keep on keeping on tbh. 10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):  any fandom i got into & of course @itzaimster​ for dealing with my random screaming messages and LET ME TELL YOU A STORY ABOUT THESE PEOPLE YOU KNOW NOT OF 11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:  an almost word for word encounter of us hunting down a giant fork outside of STLouis in May Twenty minutes out of StLouis, they're driving through suburbia getting a feel of the area before their job that night when Wrench spots something silver and shiny in the distance. 'It's a fork.' He turns onto a street suddenly and they're, yeah, apparently they're hunting this thing down. 'How? It's probably some office's shitty modern art.' All Numbers can see is a smooth silver circle rising above a brick wall. 'It's a fork.' 'It's not a fork. If it's a fork, where's it's prongs?' 'It's upside down.' Wrench is driving mostly with his knees now, navigating the sharp turns of the tiny streets as he drives unerringly towards the silver thing, and if Numbers dies for modern art he's going to flip a fucking table. 'What?' Numbers asks as it finally comes into view, and oh, it is a fork, but, “Why?” Wrench just laughs and drives on. (sadly me and my bro were not roving hitmen at the time) 12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:  new wisdom? no. but the general write!as much as you can  & don’t worry about if your style isnt common, dont worry if your piece is just fluff/weird feels/whatever, someone wants to read it. 13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:   finishing my accountant fic, smashing my head against a desk and getting my ass into gear to proper start my NiceGuys fic & honestly whatever new fandom or character comes at me and demands me to feel feelings. 14. Tag three writers whose answers you’d like to read. @missjmelville ? you done this? idek. any writers following me who are interested

[kristens-chaotic-life]

Just Breathe...Update 3

Well I wonder how long this one will take me to write...if I go the rate of my last one it will be awhile. But we will see what happens. (Update its only taking me 2.5 days so far, and I might actually finish it tonight) And I have a good feeling this will be just as long if not longer than my last update.  Personal Growth...my mental health. Something really important. And there is so much to be said here. 

**And just kinda a heads up now that I’ve written a good 3 pages here...this entry is mostly discussing my journey through counseling and talking about how I have an amazing therapist. As well as how important it is to get the help you need (and deserve!) 

***Adding now that I finished this: To some people this entry might seem silly, or weird, or you are wondering why I wrote this. Maybe it doesn’t make sense to some. Or maybe it doesn’t seem like there's personal growth here. But that's ok. I found it to be harder to put down into words than I expected it to be. There's so much more to be said here. So it turned more into my story, my journey. And if maybe one person who reads this can relate, or feel like they aren’t alone, then this blog served its purpose <3

I want to start with sharing something I posted on my facebook back in July:

I have seen a lot of people mention lately about being diagnosed as having anxiety and not knowing what to do about it, or having doctors who do not seem to care about helping. Or people who will tell you its all made up and you need to just deal with it. Or the misconception that if you have anxiety you must also have depression. That isnt true either! But not getting your anxiety under control can certainly lead to that! Sure most people have some sort of anxiety, but some people might need a little extra help managing that, and that's totally ok!! Get the help you need, so that you can be YOU! Not the same thing works for all people. Some might find help in medications(scripts or natural alternatives, I currently use a combo, very low dose med in combination with CBD) or sometimes having a counselor/therapist does wonders or maybe you need both! I can say 100% talking to a therapist/counselor has made a world of difference in the level of anxiety I feel on a day to day basis and managing it. Why am I saying this? Maybe there is someone out there too afraid to reach out, because they are embarrassed or they are being told their anxiety "is not that bad". (I know some people who have been turned away from help because they aren't "that bad" because there are a lot of places who won't consider seeing you unless you are literally mentioning self harm or can't even care for yourself anymore). There are other options ❤ I would be glad to point anyone in the right direction to find one of those places! Just know you are not alone ❤ and that you should not ever feel bad about needing a little extra help! And if anyone ever wants to talk Im here! Do not settle if what your doctor is telling you or giving you doesn't work or help. Keep looking!

(For the record, I am fine. I have not, nor ever been depressed, never considered self harm, and have not been concerned about my ability to take care of myself or children. Just had been an anxiety filled mess! But with the help of an awesome therapist/counselor and an amazing office I have been able to manage it! Other than your normal things that come up and cause anxiety of course lol)

Alright, So I know that I’ve always had a little bit of anxiety. I feel like pretty much everyone does.. Some are able to control it and some need some help.  I used to think I handled it pretty well. I remember having a few episodes of social anxiety where I’d be at a grocery store and get overwhelmed if it was too busy and being like screw this I’m out. Abandon cart and get the hell out of there. This still happens some but I don’t abandon cart since it typically has a child in it lol. I checkout whatever I got and call it a day, and come back when I can. But a few years ago I got into a weird phobia that was overtaking my life. When I had episodes I would be in total panic mode and seriously could not function. I’d shut down anywhere from hours to days where I would do nothing other than tend to this fear. The specific fear is irrelevant so I’m not getting into what it was over. I’ve opened up to a few people about what it was. But really this can apply to a lot of fears or phobias. Finally I decided to seek help in helping me deal with this. My friends didn’t know what to say to help. Zach didn’t know what to say to help. I was embarrassed to talk to people about it. But I was miserable.  So I started counseling. I’d say this was a little over 2 years ago when I started my counseling journey. Prior to that I did see my family doctor and they put my on zoloft, and just kept upping my script to see if it would help. I started seeing a therapist, and she was great. We talked things through, worked on some strategies to deal with what was going on. After a couple months things were fine. Or so they seemed. I was discharged from the office. A few months later things got worse again and I went back to the office. Also started seeing someone  there and having him in charge of my meds instead of my family doctor. That change made a big difference. We stopped my zoloft and switched over to a low dose of buspar. I finally had someone that listened when I said hey this medicine is not helping me. We keep bumping up the script and all that is happening is I’m getting killer migraines! This is not ok. So that switch made a huge difference.  Shortly after that the therapist I was seeing left. And I was switched to someone new. This created a huge panic in me. I had been talking to someone that knew me, knew what was going on, seemed to be helpful and just like that gone, and I’d have to start over. For me trusting someone is pretty hard. And being able to be open is a challenge. So then they told me who they were putting me with, now I didn’t know anyone else in the office so I didn’t have a preference really. But  they said we will put you with Chad.. I just kinda looked at them and was like ummm...soo...if this doesn’t work can I switch please? The thought of telling everything that was going on with me to a male was just not something I feel like I could do.  And they were like oh he’s great, you will really like him. I remember leaving that day feeling lost. Super uncertain how things would go. I did not have a positive outlook on this at all. I was at a place where I needed someone I could be comfortable with and change is not my friend. I remember calling my best friend Gen and being like man..Idk about this. How can I talk about everything I was talking about before with some guy? The first time I was on my way in to see him I talked to Gen again, pretty freaking out and nervous. Let me go back for a second, I was nervous my first time seeing my previous therapist as well, but not like this. So after leaving my first appointment I called Gen back. I just remember saying I think this is really going to be helpful! I was seriously amazed. I left feeling refreshed, having someone with a different perspective on things, I felt comfortable, he prayed with me, and I was actually looking forward to going back. Now I honestly can’t tell you the last time we discussed my initial issue of what brought me in. As that has been something that I have learned to deal with, I can recognize when I’m about to have panics over that and I have my things I do to just keep peace with that. But after handling that other things that were causing me stress and anxiety would come up.  I feel like now I’ve been working on so many other things in my life.  I really do believe that going to counseling has helped me grow in so many different areas. Spiritual, mental, personal. Because of what was going on first, I was able to open up about more things...there were way more things going on in my life other than just that 1 weird thing! Just learning how to control my emotions in general is huge. How to respond to situations better. Reminding me to focus on breathing because that helps regulate the emotions. I cannot tell you how often I am told to do this. Seriously all the time. Because it's so easy to get caught up in whatever it is that is stressing me out or causing me to panic, that after I’m told that I realize yea, my breathing is ALL over the place. Maybe one day I won’t have to be reminded LOL but seriously that will probably be a while. But I’m trying.  I can say that I respond to certain things better now in most cases. If I don’t I can recognize later, like ok yep. I messed up there. I do have quite a few times where I get caught up, feel like I can’t deal and ask for help. Or need extra help talking through things. Maybe too often. But I think I’m getting there.  Sometimes just talking it through I can pick out if I’m being ridiculous or if something really is an issue. And he is always helpful. I have never once felt judgement. Just support. Sometimes the reassurance that I’m being given I really do need. And it is so helpful. Being reminded to have compassion for myself. Knowing that it is ok to make mistakes sometimes, and not beat myself up over it. Just having someone recognize the changes in my life, that I am growing. That is nice to hear. Because sometimes it's hard to see that myself. Hearing the words I’m proud of you, I don’t think I knew how much that could mean until hearing it more recently, especially being said about these types of things(growth). That reminds me that I really am growing as a person. I do credit a lot of my spiritual growth to counseling as well. I am reminded often to pray. When I’m struggling, pray. I know I mentioned that in my last one, but really it has been a huge part. I think that bettering myself mentally has also given me more motivation to do better physically as well. I think it all connects back to my mental state of mind. I needed to put in the work to get better there to get other areas of my life right. And Chad has been a huge part in that and helping me be the person that I really want to be, and know I can be. 

I’ve been asked how in the world can you just open up to someone like that? And let them know so much that's going on in your life. Honestly, now usually it's easy. I don’t even think about it for the most part. But it took time. And trust. You have to trust the person sitting across from you. You have to not feel judgement. If I wasn’t able to open up about so much so that he could know who I am then I wouldn’t have been able to grow like I have. It used to be very scary, and sometimes still can be. He knows so much more than I ever told my first therapist, and because of that I’ve been able to work on so much more! It really is a good feeling. And it's good to have that person that can tell when something is going on. I still remember there was one day I was definitely anxious. I don’t even remember what it was over anymore. But I knew I actually did not want to talk about whatever it was. I was going to just try to let it go. And not too long after I had been there he was like “your anxious, how come” and in my head I’m like dang it. I was trying so hard to not let that show! But of course that's a good thing, and I’m glad he’s able to call me out on that kinda stuff so that it can be talked about and it doesn’t build. I am so grateful that I have such an amazing therapist that I am able to talk about everything, and who is there for me and helping me along this journey to be a better person. I know that there is still a lot of work to be done. And that I will never be done growing. There are a lot of things I’m not great at and need to improve at. But I feel like a lot of people close to me have noticed or commented on my growth in one way or another. And that is encouraging too. 

For the longest time I was silent. I didn’t share what was going on with me. I for sure didn’t tell people I was going to counseling. And so often. I didn’t want that judgement from people. Up until this past summer most people had no idea that's what I was doing. I just had “appointments”. But I’m not ashamed of it. It has done so much for me! And I feel like it could be so helpful for so many people. I also feel like I’m able to respond to some of my friends better too when they are struggling. I’m able to share what I’ve learned in dealing with things with them. Sometimes when my friends will be telling me what's going on with them and how overwhelmed they are with their lives, or their anxieties or just feeling down, I joke that they need a Chad. Sometimes they will be like well, I don’t think I could do that. I never thought I could either. I didn’t understand it. But really, it's helpful :) And asking for help is OK! You don’t have to go through whatever it is you are going through by yourself. Some people feel like just because maybe you have a great support system you don’t need that extra help either. But that's not true either.  I have AMAZING significant other, friends and family who are there for me and support me. But they didn’t understand what I was dealing with, or why, or how to respond to me and help me. Not that they didn’t want to. They just didn’t get it. And that’s ok! That’s why I made the choice to do what I did. And get help for me. And it is doing wonders for me. I am in the best place mentally that I have been in a long time. And I look forward to continuing to grow, and learning how to deal with things better. 

For those of you who might feel awkward about thinking about asking for help, please don’t. And don’t hesitate to reach out to me. I might be a hot mess sometimes and struggling to deal with my own stuff, but I’m always able to listen to a friend who is in need or hurting. 

And remember, BREATHE : ) (note to myself as well ;) ) 

**I do want to add a few thank yous in...because there are people who have contributed greatly to allowing me to work on these things. Zach for being patient with me while I get myself together, and go through this stuff because I can’t always explain it and I know that's frustrating. His mom for helping with the kids, not only sometimes while I had the appointments so that I could actually go alone sometimes so I could be more focused, but for just helping with them in general when things are crazy because having someone else around can make things so much less crazy! My parents for loving me, supporting me and being understanding of my struggles. Stephanie for also helping with the kiddos, either watching them or doing the shuffle. As well as listen to me vent, even if I’m not making much sense. Gen for always being there for me and listening to all the craziness of my everyday life, and helping to calm me down. I am also super thankful for the bond I have formed and is growing with Christy, April and I and our growing friendship and that we are able to talk about certain things together, it truly is wonderful. Of course Chad for being so great at what he does and helping me get to this point, and honestly going above and beyond to help me. And last but not least, I thank God that I have ALL of these people, that I was led to this place and be able to work on getting my life better, and for continuing to work in my life. **

[jacewilliams1]

What’s wrong with Robinson R44 pilots?

Robinson R44 helicopters are death traps, right up there with Mitsubishi MU-2s and Cirrus SR22s – at least that’s according to a lot of articles you read online. A dramatic headline in The Los Angeles Times late last year was the most recent example, warning residents of southern California that “Danger spins from the sky.” It’s a compelling story, and the newspaper even went so far as to calculate the numbers (something most non-aviation publications neglect). But does it tell the whole story?

In the spirit of Richard’s very popular “What’s wrong with Cirrus/Mooney/Bonanza pilots” series of articles, I’d like to offer a more nuanced perspective. This comes from my perspective as an R44 owner and pilot, but also as a longtime safety geek who reads a lot of accident reports. With one foot in the airplane world and one in the helicopter world, I’ve found some of the comparisons between the two quite revealing.

One important similarity is that, as Collins repeatedly found in his articles, the “problem” is usually with the pilots and not the design of the aircraft itself. That may seem like a dodge, but it’s simply what the statistics show. Certainly some models are more forgiving than others, but better training and operating habits seem to correct for most of those weaknesses, as the rapidly improving accident record for both the MU-2 and the SR22 have shown recently.

The numbers

It’s the world’s most popular helicopter, but is it safe?

Let’s start with a look at the statistics, which is not as easy as it might sound. I will restrict my analysis to US accidents, since the NTSB typically shares more complete information and the accident causes are consistently reported. Comparing an accident report from Brazil to one from the US is not always helpful, or even possible. Doing this excludes a number of accidents, since the majority of R44s are flown outside the US, but there are enough aircraft in the US to get a fair read on safety trends.

I will also focus only on fatal accidents. While a non-fatal accident can ruin a day or a career, it’s the fatal ones that most pilots focus on and rightfully so. This restriction also makes for simpler comparisons, since (unlike in airplanes) many very minor helicopter mistakes become accidents. If you taxi a 172 into the side of a hangar, you’ll replace the wing cuff and face some embarrassment. It probably won’t even show up as an incident, much less an accident. On the other hand, if the rotor blades on your R44 clip a hangar, the helicopter might be totalled. This skews the data when comparing accidents and incidents in airplanes vs. helicopters.

Finally, the numbers below include total fatal accidents and fatal accidents per airframe. Many safety studies use accidents per 100,000 hours as the key rate, and it’s a valuable number since it considers the exposure. Unfortunately, it’s very hard to accurately track hours flown by model and that’s especially true for helicopters. I don’t put much stock in the estimates that are published.

One number that is easy to calculate is how many fatal accidents have occurred. Here are the total number of fatal accidents in the US for the R44 over the last 5 years:

2018 – 3

2017 – 2

2016 – 2

2015 – 1

2014 – 5

That’s 13 total over a 5 year period, not exactly a staggering toll, and with 1622 registered in the US that means that 0.8% of the US fleet has been involved in a fatal accident in the last 5 years. For comparison, the Bell 206 series had 12 fatal accidents in that period and a rate of 0.8%. The Eurocopter AStar also had 12 fatal accidents in that period and a fleet rate of 1.3% over the last 5 years.

Comparisons like this are unavoidably apples and oranges – both the 206 and the AStar probably fly more hours per aircraft than the R44, since they’re used by a lot of air ambulance and law enforcement operators. But they are also typically flown by much more experienced pilots and they both have turbine engines. It’s at least interesting that the percentage of the fleet involved in a fatal accident over the last 5 years is as good or better for the R44 compared to two stalwarts of the turbine helicopter fleet.

This is considered “good VFR” by some helicopter pilots.

One final comparison. The Cessna 172, a somewhat similar performing aircraft in the fixed wing world and one known for its good safety record, saw 59 fatal accidents in the 2014-2018 timeframe. With a US fleet of 19,678, that leads to a much lower 0.3% fleet fatal accident percentage. If anything, these numbers show that helicopters in general have a worse safety record than airplanes.

Causes

The raw numbers are directional, but the causes of the accidents and the stories behind the crashes are much more revealing. Here’s a quick recap of those 13 R44 accident causes:

Hit wires shortly after takeoff from a field

Crashed shortly after takeoff due to unknown reasons (there are implications about poor maintenance but the NTSB report is not final)

An IFR training flight crashed in the waters off Hawaii in good weather, but the wreckage was not found so no cause was determined

A low-level flight impacted terrain in a remote area; the pilot had no helicopter rating

Crashed after descending from cruise (maybe with a tail rotor issue, maybe a low pass gone wrong)

Crashed on takeoff – and the pilot was drunk

VFR-into-IMC in the mountains

Improper maintenance led to a control rod detaching and in-flight loss of control

The pilot had a heart attack and crashed trying to land while doing external load practice (a very demanding type of flying)

A crop duster hit wires while flying between fields at low altitude

Midair collision with an airplane in the traffic pattern at a towered airport

Improper maintenance meant a pitch link was not re-attached properly

Crashed after taking off at night from an unlit area and hitting trees

Reading these accident reports, it’s hard to find a consistent problem with the helicopter. Two involved pilots flying illegally (one drunk and one without a rating) and one involved pilot incapacitation. Three involved hitting obstacles at low altitude, and the VFR-into-IMC accident proves that helicopter pilots are not any more immune to this temptation than Bonanza or 182 pilots.

Three trends do jump out. First, private operators have a much worse record than other pilots. That is true in these accidents, across helicopters in general, and even in the airplane accident record. While accounting for roughly 10-15% of estimated piston helicopter flight hours, personal and business use without a crew accounts for the majority of accidents. R44s in particular are often flown by low time pilots – in fact, it’s the only helicopter of any real popularity that is flown by private owners. The typical pilot is completely different from a Bell 206 or an AStar.

The diversity of operations is also unique. From crop dusting to external load flights to law enforcement, R44s are often working machines, rode hard and put away wet (watch this if you don’t believe me). Sure, Cessna 172s are used for a lot of different operations, but nothing like the variety of a helicopter. That means different risk exposures, as the accidents on takeoff from remote locations prove quite dramatically.

Finally, while maintenance is a given, it can introduce the possibility for fatal mistakes in a helicopter. As two of the above accidents demonstrate, the post-maintenance flight is particularly risky. There are certain parts of any helicopter that simply must be installed properly or there’s nothing the pilot can do to recover. Good maintenance and methodical preflights are table stakes for helicopter operators.

Digging deeper

A deeper reading of the accident record (including some non-US reports) shows many accidents that will seem familiar to airplane pilots. There are plenty more examples of VFR-into-IMC accidents and a depressing number of reckless flying mistakes, both of which are hardly unique to the R44.

Post-crash fires do seem to be a problem with certain R44 models.

One issue that does seem to be more common in R44s is post-crash fires. A number of serious but survivable crashes have become fatal accidents because the helicopter caught fire and killed the occupants. The problem stems from a decision by Robinson in the 2000s to use “wet tanks” instead of fuel bladders. This increased the fuel capacity but left the tanks susceptible to post-crash leaks and fires. Beginning in 2009, Robinson switched back to bladders on all new aircraft and incentivized owners of older models to replace the old tanks, so at least the number of aircraft in this camp is declining.

While some law firms have sprung up to focus on this issue, it’s worth remembering that the fuel tanks didn’t cause any of these accidents – they caused them to become fatal. A minor point perhaps, and no comfort for the families involved, but it shifts the focus to crashworthiness rather than aerodynamics or performance.

Inevitably, the discussion about R44s turns to that longtime villain: mast bumping. This topic takes on an almost mystical tone with some non-aviation writers, but it is mostly a matter of physics and it is not unique to the R44. All semi-rigid rotor systems (two-bladed) are susceptible to catastrophic in-flight breakup if the helicopter experiences low G conditions and the pilot does not recover properly (Vertical Magazine published a thoughtful analysis of the issue if you want to read more.)

But mast bumping isn’t really a design defect, it’s simply a fact, whether you’re flying a Huey or an R22. The solution is to avoid low G situations (no pushovers with the cyclic) and practice proper pilot technique if you find yourself in one. That technique is still evolving, too, with some instructors now emphasizing reducing the collective in addition to the traditional aft cyclic. The theory is to reduce the tail rotor thrust and main rotor torque, which will reduce the right rolling tendency.

Speed also matters. Robinson is increasingly emphasizing that pilots should slow down in turbulent conditions: “A pilot’s improper application of control inputs in response to turbulence can increase the likelihood of a mast bumping accident.” For significant turbulence, slowing down from 110 knots to 60 or 70 knots may be required.

Reputation meets reality

Much like the Cirrus, the R44 has been a revolutionary aircraft for personal aviation. In both aircraft, the accident record shows machines with lots of performance being flown by pilots without lots of experience. An R44 can carry four passengers 250 miles at 110 knots – and then land in a 50 ft x 50 ft spot in the forest. That’s an impressive list, but you can earn the certificate to fly that mission in as little as 40 hours of flying. If ever there were a “license to learn,” the Private Pilot – Helicopter is it.

Both the NTSB and FAA have reviewed Robinson helicopters over the years (as they did for the MU-2). The results are telling: the helicopters were found to meet all certification standards, but the FAA wrote SFAR 73 to mandate type-specific training for Robinson R22s and R44s. The organizations were effectively admitting that safety rests with the pilot.

While the lawyers argue over fuel tanks and the engineers argue over mast bumping, helicopter pilots (and safety advocates) should focus on some very practical tasks. For a start, owners must expect and demand good maintenance, and take post-maintenance flights very seriously. Pilots should be rated, rested, and well-trained. That’s obvious, but bears repeating given recent history. This is not the place to pinch pennies or cut corners; if that’s your style then helicopters are not for you.

Helicopters can land almost anywhere; that’s good and bad news.

Pilots should fly above 500 feet if at all possible, and plan off-airport landings very carefully. The helicopter can almost certainly make it into that tight spot, and your passengers will love you for it, but can you as the pilot make it? Researching off-airport sites before getting in the right seat – perhaps including driving to the location for inspection on foot – and wide safety margins are essential.

A cultural change about weather minimums is in order too. The FARs grant helicopters broad latitude to fly VFR in truly scuzzy weather, as low as one half mile and clear of clouds. Many operators take those limitations as recommendations and spend very little time considering the weather before a flight. Unfortunately, the results speak for themselves: even among professional helicopter air ambulance pilots, VFR-into-IMC accidents are common.

I am hardly an expert helicopter pilot (90% of my time is in airplanes), but I have owned and operated an R44 for over 7 years. It is a reliable, capable performer, and I’ve flown it on both long cross countries and on short local flights to tight landing spots. It’s the most fun I’ve ever had flying, but it’s also the most demanding thing I’ve ever done. Because they can do so much, helicopters can lure you into situations without many escape routes. It’s easy to say, “I’ll keep flying even though the visibility is bad, and if it gets worse I’ll land in a field.” That flexibility is great, but are you really disciplined enough to land in that farmer’s field if it’s required?

Helicopters are incredible machines, but they are terribly unforgiving. As the most popular model in the civilian world, the R44 may simply be a notable example of this adage.

The post What’s wrong with Robinson R44 pilots? appeared first on Air Facts Journal.

from Engineering Blog https://airfactsjournal.com/2019/01/whats-wrong-with-robinson-r44-pilots/