#but english and writing and editing are my passions and i want to be an editor and an author someday

[cloudshapedpatch]

it has come time for me to actually decide what subject i want to specialize in as a teacher and i'm so scared i'm gonna make the wrong choice and waste four years and an assload of money choosing the wrong one

[space-matt]

right person, wro- ight time

matt.sturniolo x fem.reader

summary: lifelong best friends, but with hidden feelings.

Can one night change everything?

request: yes -> anon

cw: use of y/n, angst, fluff (?), mention of sex

author’s note: hello everyone!!! Here I am back after a long time, but I wanted to take a break from writing.

At the moment some of my stories like ''Breaking promises'' are archived because I'm revising them and changing some things, if you want you can take a look here -> masterlist

*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊˚༺

English is not my first language, if you see grammar and typing mistakes, I apologize in advance! I just ask you not to be rude to me ♡

*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊˚༺

As you watch Matt and his girlfriend engage in a passionate display of affection on the couch, you can't help but feel a mix of emotions. Jealousy and anger course through your veins as you long to be the one in his arms. The scene before you seems like a cruel reminder of what you can't have.

You have known Matt, and his brothers Nick and Chris, for as long as you can remember. Your mom's close friendship brought the four of you together, and you've been inseparable ever since.

You've shared countless memories together, from taking warm baths as toddlers to navigating the ups and downs of adolescence.

Your feelings for Matt first emerged when you were just eight years old. While his siblings ran around and teased each other, he was the only one who pushed you on the swing, making you feel safe and cared for. 

Or how that time in middle school he was next to you when coming out of the bathroom, he noticed a red spot on your butt and promptly gave you his sweatshirt to cover you up.

Over the years, your attachment to him only grew stronger, even as you had flings with other boys. You never acted on your feelings, though, afraid of ruining the strong bond you had built with him over the years.

Now, as you watch him with his girlfriend, you can't help but wonder what could have been if you had been brave enough to take a chance on love.

As you sit on a cushioned chair in the cozy kitchen, you turn towards the stove and place your phone on the wooden table, emitting a snort of frustration. Chris, who is equally exhausted by the ongoing show, rises from the couch and comes to hug you from behind, enveloping you in his strong arms.

"God, I can't stand them anymore," he whispers softly in your ear, his breath warm against your skin.

"Don't tell me" you reply, your eyes still fixated on the screen of your phone, as you use one hand to scroll through social media and the other to caress Chris's hand, which is resting on your chest.

At times, you find yourself wondering why your heart chose Matt over Chris, especially given that Nick is off-limits. Chris is so caring, kind, and affectionate with you that you have thought several times that he actually has feelings for you.

However, you try to suppress this thought because if it were true, you would disappoint his heart by telling him that the person you love is his brother.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • 

As you lay on Nick's bed, you stare up at the ceiling, taking in the intricate patterns of the plasterwork. The guy sitting beside you is completely absorbed in editing the video that they plan to post later on that evening, with their headphones on and their eyes fixed on the computer screen. 

Suddenly, a loud and jarring sound reverberates throughout the house, causing you to raise your eyebrows in confusion. You listen carefully, and a few seconds later, another door slams shut, confirming your suspicions that something is definitely wrong.

Your heart racing, you get up from the bed and begin to move cautiously towards the stairs, your senses heightened and your mind racing. As you make your way down to the living room, you can feel the tension in the air, and you can see that Chris is lying on the couch, his face contorted with concern.

You approach him and ask in a hushed voice, "Was that Matt making all that noise?"

He nods his head, his eyes meeting yours with surprise. "Yeah...apparently Perrie dumped him" he replies.

Your voice drops to a whisper as you consider this news, and you say, "Uhm...I'll go check on him..." You walk towards his room, feeling a sense of trepidation in the pit of your stomach. As you approach the door, you can hear the sound of muffled sobs coming from within, and you know that you need to go in and try to help him through this.

You stand outside Matt's door, knocking a few times, but receive no response. You call out to him, "Matt...it's me, please open up" and lean your forehead against the door. Only when you hear the lock click do you lower the handle and enter the darkened room.

As you step inside, the scene before you breaks your heart. Matt is lying on his stomach on the bed, his sobs echoing throughout the room. Without a second thought, you move to his side and embrace him, whispering "Shh...don't cry please, she doesn't deserve you" while gently caressing his back.

Through his tears, Matt manages to speak, "She...she's everything to me." A beam of moonlight enters the room, illuminating the bed you are sitting on, and you can't help but notice how red his otherwise clear eyes have become.

A spontaneous gesture starts from you as you take your sweatshirt sleeve to wipe away his tears. "Do you want to talk about it?" you ask, tilting your head to the side and taking his hand, offering your support and patience.

You couldn't help but feel a twinge of pain as you saw your close friend Matt in such a vulnerable state. His head was bowed, and his eyes were shut tight as he let out a deep sigh. You knew that he was going through a tough time in his relationship, and your heart went out to him.

Despite your sympathy for his situation, you found yourself thinking selfishly at that moment. Perhaps, you could finally have a chance with him. You pushed that thought aside, knowing that your emotions were taking over your rational side.

Matt looked up at you, and you could see the sadness in his eyes. He began to speak, but his words trailed off as he struggled to find the right ones. You squeezed his hand, urging him to continue.

"She says she wants to take some time to think, and... she doesn't know if she loves me like before" he finally managed to say, his voice trailing off again.

‘’Ow Matt.. I’m sorry’’ you reached out to him, stroking his cheek as he rested his head against yours. At that moment, time seemed to stand still as you gazed into each other's eyes. You could see the pain etched on his face, and it broke your heart.

As you sat together on the bed, bathed in the soft glow of the moonlight, your mind began to race with a million different scenarios. You wondered what the future held for you and him. As if in response to your thoughts, you saw Matt's figure approaching you, his gaze fixed on your lips.

''Matt what are you doing?’’ You ask when you find yourself an inch from his lips feeling your breaths grow heavier; 

With a gesture, his lips rest on yours and you can't help but think how soft they are and how long you've been waiting for that moment.

The rest comes on its own: removed all distance remains you, lying on his bed sharing what to you was perfection, Love. To him, it was pure distraction, Sex.

At least that was what he thought at that particular instant.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • 

You wake up to the sound of birds chirping and a few rays of sunshine coming in through the window, casting a warm glow on the room. As you turn your head to the other side of the bed, you notice that the mattress beside you is empty, and a sense of loneliness washes over you. Wrapped naked in the brown sheets, you feel a deep longing for the person who was lying next to you just a few hours ago.

You look around the room and see your clothes scattered on the floor, which reminds you of the events that took place the night before. You recall how you finally confessed your feelings for him, and you think he reciprocated them. It was like a turning point in your relationship, and you couldn't be more thrilled.

However, you don't want to arouse suspicion, so you quickly put on your clothes and quietly walk out the door. As you step into the open space, you notice his figure sitting with his head in his hands. You wonder if he's feeling the same as you. 

You glance around and realize that the other two boys are still sleeping in their rooms, completely unaware of what happened between you and him last night.

As he senses someone's presence, he turns to see who it is. It's you, and you’re standing there motionless. You ask him what's going on, but he remains silent and instead, keeps looking at you. You remain in your position, unsure of what to do next.

Finally, he breaks the silence, "Y/n, we need to talk," his voice is low and serious. You understand that this is not going to be a simple conversation, and you head towards the sofa to sit down. He follows suit.

He stares at you for a moment, as if trying to find the right words. Finally, he says, "What happened between us can never happen again... it was a mistake." His words hit you hard and you feel like someone has just stabbed you in the heart.

The words < It was a mistake > echo in your head, and you can't believe what you're hearing. Your mind is racing with all sorts of thoughts and feelings.

Mistake

Mistake

Mistake

You feel tears welling up in your eyes, your nose burning, and your mouth becoming dry. It's as if a flood of emotions has suddenly been unleashed, and you can't control it. You try to hold yourself together, but it's too late, and you break down in tears.

You look at him with a mix of confusion and hope as you try to decipher what he is trying to say. "I thought that...I thought that you finally reciprocated my feelings and that...we were making love" you stammer, your heart sinking as you realize the truth.

He looks down, his voice barely above a whisper. "I'm so sorry, y/n. I was confused, and you were there to comfort me. I didn't understand anything anymore" he says, his words heavy with regret. "I'm not in love with you, y/n, but with Perrie"

You feel like the ground has opened up beneath you. It's like the world has stopped spinning and you are trapped in an endless moment of pain. You want to disappear, to run away from this unbearable situation, but you are frozen in place.

You sit there on his couch, tears streaming down your face, as the anger slowly grows more and more. How could he lead you on like this? How could he use you like that?

"How can you say that to me now? Tonight, you didn't think that way when you were inside me, huh?" you say with all the hatred your body could muster at that moment. You get up without waiting for his answer, your mind racing with a million thoughts.

You go towards the front door, slipping on your shoes, and taking your jacket from the coat hanger. The spring breeze kicks in, causing you to clench the fabric covering your shoulders. You slip your hand into your pocket, pulling out your car keys, which you shortly use to lead you toward your home, pulling up with your nose.

You feel lost and confused, your heart shattered into a million pieces. All you can do is cry and wonder how you will ever be able to trust anyone again.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • 

Since that fateful night, two weeks have passed and that feeling of having been just an afterthought only invades your body, and it becomes even heavier when sitting on the couch eating ice cream, you get a notification after days of silence

| Chris: | Wassup ‘ma!! Where have you been? Nick and I miss you :(

As you read his message, it felt like the weight of the world had come crashing down on you. You were slowly sinking into an almost hysterical cry. It was because you had decided to completely cut off all relations with Matt. And, as a result, you had also cut off your two best friends since they lived with him.

You had thought about meeting them outside, but your appearance would have aroused several questions, and declaring that you had sex with their brother would have definitely not been the response you wanted to give.

You lowered your gaze to your belly and started caressing it while tears streamed down your face. The worst thing was when you realized that you were five days late for your period. You panicked and ran to the pharmacy to buy a pregnancy test, and it came back positive.

| You: | Hi, sorry I've been busy with several things... I miss you too <3

A few minutes later your phone lights up again

| Chris: | Did you hear?

A confused expression appears on your face at his question

| You: | Heard what?

Those seconds seem to last minutes, those minutes hours as your anxiety surges.

| Chris: | That moron of Matt got back together with Perrie

Crack

That's what your heart does for the umpteenth time as more tears are released from your eyes that have now turned red.

Out of frustration, you throw the phone across the couch, but it bounces causing it to fall to the floor.

C r a c k

''Fuck'' you pronounce as you stand up to see the distasteful accomplishment. You pick up the phone and see that the screen is half shattered but still working ''Fuck'' you whisper thinking how life is so unfair to you.

| Chris: | Are you still there?

You try to recover by taking a deep breath

| You: | Yeah... sorry but I'm tired, I'm going to go to sleep. I love you.

You cut the conversation short not wanting to know further details

| Chris: | goodnight Love yaa 2

You sit on the couch, feeling overwhelmed with emotions. You close your eyes, trying to control the tears that are forming in your eyes. You take a deep breath, but the feeling in your chest only intensifies. You can't take it anymore, and you know what you have to do. It's something you've done before and something that comes naturally to you - you leave.

You get up from the couch, with a heavy heart, and head to your room. You grab your computer, returning to your comfortable seat, and immediately type into the search engine < flight from LAX to Boston >. You skim through the options, and click on the first website you see, noting that the earliest flight is the next morning. Without thinking about it, you buy a one-way ticket and book the cab that would pick you up.

Immediately after making the transition, you get up and return to your room. You take a deep breath and look around. You know you have a lot to do before you leave. You walk towards your closet and take out your huge suitcase. You begin to stuff all your clothes inside, carefully folding them and making sure everything fits.

You know that this is not going to be easy, but you're determined to leave everything behind and start fresh.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • 

Over the past two months, you have received numerous messages and phone calls that you haven't responded to. Even Matt has tried to get in touch with you, but you decided to change your phone number to avoid any contact. 

When you arrived your parents were somewhat surprised but very happy to see you. You always had a beautiful relationship with them, especially with your mom, your best friend. Although with some fear, you explained the whole situation to her including that you were pregnant with Matt.

The decision to keep him/her is not yet final but you know you have two shoulders to count on and that no matter what, they are there for you.

Slowly your belly begins to become more noticeable, and with the arrival of summer, it is almost inevitable to miss it.

''Darling are you ready? MaryLou and Jimmy are waiting for us'' you hear your mother calling you from downstairs.

You look at yourself in the mirror trying to fix your shirt as best as you can, and to hide the small bump ''Yeah I'm coming'' you reply picking up your bag and then going down the stairs and closing the door behind you heading for the car ''Here I am'' you announce to your parents sitting in the front seats.

The Fourth of July has always been celebrated with the Sturniolo family, between barbeques, swimming in the pool, laughter, and the company of little dog Trevor you have only good memories in your mind.

This year you accepted only because you heard that the three boys would not be there due to several setbacks.

The drive between your homes is fortunately short because nausea begins to set in, and even more so when after stepping out of the car you are invaded by a very strong smell of barbeque.

Immediately having hugged MaryLou and Jimmy, you notice how the house is decorated from top to bottom ''Wow MaryLou you did a great job this year'' you tell her smiling ''Oh don't thank me but those three in the garden, rather go to them, we'll take care of this'' she replies pointing outside

< Are they here? All three of them? Weren't they supposed to be on the other side of the United States? What do I do? Do I run away? Do I stay here? What the fuck do I do? >

Your conscience does nothing but have question after question. You look at your mother for help but she is so busy helping her friend that you see yourself forced to give a big sigh and head for the garden followed by Trev.

''Oh my gosh y/n where the fuck have you been?'' Nick exclaims as he gets up from his chair coming toward you wrapping his arms around you ''Why did you fucking disappear? Literally no fucking messages or fucking calls'' he pulls away looking you in the eye concerned but all you do is stand silent.

Matt and Chris are also standing but neither of them seems to have any idea of moving from their position. Matt still regrets how he behaved while Chris is disappointed and angry at you.

He still doesn't understand how out of all the people you could erase from your life you chose to add him; 

And it is true, in the last few years a wonderful friendship has grown between you where Chris sees you as a reference point when his brothers become too annoying, you were and, despite everything, you are his rock.

''Sorry'' is the only thing you can utter looking away so as not to meet their gazes.

''Only sorry can you say? You are so selfish! You thought only of yourself abandoning everyone, you abandoned me'' Chris pronounces in a harsh tone approaching you, doing nothing but bringing tears to your eyes

''Say something, speak the fuck up. What do you have to say for yourself?'' Chris continues waving his arms in different directions leading you to take a step back ''Chris please you're scaring her'' Nick says hitting him on the arm ''I don't fucking care, I want to know why'' the smaller one replies to him always looking at you.

The tension in the air is palpable, and you feel a sense of helplessness wash over you as you try to explain your actions.

At that point Matt couldn't stand that situation anymore ''It's me'' he exclaims making everyone turn their gazes in his direction ''What you?'' Chris asks confused ''I'm the reason she ran away'' he says lowering his gaze ''And what about you? What the fuck happened?’’ Nick asks as he sits waiting for someone to speak, but silence reigns among you as you hear your parents' voices in the distance.

''Me and y/n had sex the day Perrie dumped me'' Matt pronounces in a whisper, almost not making himself heard ''Speak up motherfucker'' Chris says putting even more agitation on you ''Oh Jesus Christ me and Matt had sex, but it was just a one-night stand for him, which it wasn't for me since I'm madly in love with him. I thought by getting away from him and consequently from you, I wouldn't suffer but I feel like shit about it and even more since I found out I'm preg- '' you say all in one breath freezing as you realize you've told your little secret.

The silence between you and your friends seems to last forever, as you try to process what just came out of your mouth. "Are you pregnant?" Matt asks, approaching you. You nod, almost instinctively, bringing your hand to your belly. 

"Why did you keep it to yourself, y/n? You know we'll always be there for you" Chris says, his tone softening, almost as if your revelation made him forget the months that passed without any interaction from you.

You try to explain, "I don't know...I was scared and I still am now. Besides, knowing that Matt was back with Perrie made me feel bad, so I did the only thing I could do: go back home." You sit down next to Nick, feeling overwhelmed and vulnerable.

Matt then reveals that he and Perrie are no longer together, and Nick and Chris decide to leave the two of you alone. Matt takes a chair and places it in front of you, his tone calm but agitated at the same time. "I know what I told you that morning and what I'm about to tell you sounds like nonsense, but..." He takes a deep breath before continuing, "After you left that morning, I felt like shit. I shouldn't have treated you that way and I shouldn't have made you feel like just a spare tire."

He pauses for a moment before continuing, "That night kept resonating in my mind, and I thought that getting back with Perrie would make me my old self again, but I couldn't. And I can't get your name out of my mind. I feel that these feelings I've always had I tried to bury and deny myself...but fuck y/n, I'm in love with you." His words enter your brain like a hypnotic spell, leaving you stunned and speechless.

''I was really hurt about it Matt...all these years hoping that one day you would look at me with different eyes but you only had them for other girls, to you I was just your best friend...'' you confess looking into his eyes 

‘' I'm really sorry, if I could go back I would tell the me of 14 years to go to you and not to be afraid to say how I feel'' he says taking your hand in his while with the other he caresses your cheek 

''I hate myself for making you feel this way all these years'' Matt says in a whisper, shifting his gaze from your eyes to your mouth.

''A little bit too but I love you so much'' you say making your lips meet in a passionate embrace, a rush of emotions floods over both of you. The weight of past regrets and missed opportunities seems to dissipate in that single moment. The tenderness in Matt's touch and the sincerity in his words have touched a deep part of your heart. 

With your hands still intertwined, you take a deep breath, ready to embrace the future together, knowing that your love is strong enough to overcome any obstacles that may come your way.

--------------------------------------------------------

Taglist:  @sturniolosreads @mayhem-72 @dracoflaco @lyzsaphrodite @ifilwtmfc @xoxo4chrisss @soimightlikeoldmen69 @inlovewithmattstur @sturniolobendystrawsposts @tillies33ssss @junnniiieee07 @blackhorses-posts

[maidragoste]

The Parent Trap: Chapter Two

Aegon Targaryen x Velaryon!Reader x Aemond Targaryen

Summary: After the disastrous divorce between Aemond Targaryen and Y/n Velaryon the twins Baelon and Aemon were separated. Each was raised by one of their parents. Baelon was raised by his father while Aemon was raised by his mother. Years later they both meet at a summer camp and discover the existence of the other. The twins realize that there are many secrets in their family, eager to discover their past, they put together a plan to deceive their parents.

Masterlist

Thank you for your support, I was nervous that people wouldn't like it because the fic wasn't the same as the movie so I'm very happy to read all your comments. REBLOGS, comments and likes are always appreciated 🥰🥰💕💕💕

Btw, I made two playlists for this fic. One is from Aemond and the Reader and another is from Reader and Aegon. As I keep writing I'll probably add more songs or even delete some, who knows. If you have songs for me to add or are curious to know why, you are welcome to write to me in my inbox.

Disclaimer: English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes.

Ten years earlier

Your leg kept moving up and down. Your eyes are constantly directed to the door, expecting that at any moment Aemond would return home. You tried to distract yourself by watching TV but you were too anxious. Your mind couldn't focus on the stupid movie because all you could think about was the positive sign on the pregnancy tests you had taken that afternoon with Rhaena and Jace by your side. You regretted telling them to leave. If they were with you they would be preventing you from locking yourself in your own mind. They would make you tell them your fears and they would try to calm you down. The three of them would be making plans. You might even be practicing with Jace how the hell tell Aemond they were going to be parents.

You and Aemond would be parents. You would be a mother. You always knew you would have children, you wanted the happily ever after with the wedding and children like they always showed in the movies, but now you are terrified. It wasn't supposed to be like this. You're barely twenty-three years old, you haven't even finished your second year of editorial editing. It was assumed that when you had children you would be at least over twenty-seven, your career—a career you were truly passionate about—would be finished, you would have a good job, and you would be married. You tried to console yourself by telling yourself that at least you're in a stable relationship. You and Aemond have been dating for three years. You two knew each other since you were little because your godmother is Aemond's older sister and then you ended up attending the same school so you spent a lot of time together. You still remember like it was yesterday how nervous you were when you first kissed Aemond during New Year's. You were afraid of ruining your friendship and that things would become awkward but he didn't pull away when you kissed him he grabbed you by the waist and pulled you closer to him. That night they hid from everyone and spent the rest of the celebration kissing. The next day they started dating. From there everything was wonderful. Like any couple, you and Aemond have your run-ins—like when you argued because you didn't like the way he behaved with Jace, your best friend, or when Aemond got mad at you because you made the two of you leave the restaurant you were having a date at. to pick up a drunk Aegon in a bar again—but there was definitely more joy than displeasure in your relationship with Aemond. You saw yourself having a future with him, you could see yourself perfectly next to him in your white dress. You can imagine Aemond putting a baby to sleep while he lulls it to sleep in High Valyrian. Are you sure you want a future with Aemond. But you're terrified of his reaction to this unexpected news. What would you do if Aemond didn't want to keep the baby? You would have to break up with him. Even though you were scared, you knew you wanted to keep the baby. That was clear to you.

You heard the door open and it didn't take long for your boyfriend to enter. You got up from the couch and went to hug him. Whenever he returned home you welcomed him with a hug and kisses. This time you held on to him longer than usual, wanting to remember the feeling of Aemond's arms around you in case this was the last time.

You were about to kiss him but he turned your face away from him making your heart skip a beat. Before you could move away he gently grabbed your chin and studied you carefully. Of course, he had realized something was happening to you when you were clinging so fiercely to him.

“What's wrong?” he asked. Aemond first wanted to know what was happening to you before you kissed him.

Once again you regretted kicking Rhaena and Jace out. At least you should have taken advantage of this time alone to practice in front of the mirror how to tell your boyfriend that you are pregnant. Or you could have called your parents to help you. Although knowing them they would tell you to keep the secret so that the three of them could plan a big announcement together. But you couldn't wait, you need to know now what Aemond was thinking. You needed to know whether or not he would be with you on this trip.

“Y/n?” Your boyfriend called you, feeling his concern growing with every second that you remained silent.

“I think I'm pregnant” You closed your eyes feeling frustrated with yourself and hurried to correct yourself “I mean, I'm pregnant” You tried not to panic as you felt him move away from you “I haven't had any blood tests done yet but I'm One hundred percent sure I'm pregnant. I took five pregnancy tests and they all came back positive.”Your nerves were evident because you were talking faster than normal and you couldn't stop gesturing with your hands.

Aemond felt as if someone had thrown a bucket of cold water on him. This was not in his plans. Right now he was focused on opening his own publishing house, he needed to focus all of his attention on that, he didn't need a distraction and a baby would be that. Taking care of a child would take up too much time. But I couldn't tell you that. I'd be an idiot if I told you that. His mother didn't raise him to be an idiot.

“Marry me,” he said, knowing it was the right thing to do. Besides, ever since you two moved in together, he knew you were going to get married. He knows that he wants to spend the rest of his life waking up next to you, he wants your face to be the first and last thing he sees, he wants to come home and always be greeted with your kisses, he wants you to tell him about your day while the two of you have dinner, He wants to hear your theories about the TV shows you watch together. Aemond wants everything with you, even the most mundane things like going grocery shopping or walking the dogs. He loves you. The only reasons Aemond hadn't proposed to you already was because he wanted to wait until you finished college and he wanted his publishing company to be established. Planning a wedding was a big deal and you two didn't have time for that. But now it didn't matter anymore. “Marry me,” he said again with a smile as he saw how you opened your eyes and looked at him as if he were giving you the moon.

You couldn't help but laugh at yourself, feeling like an idiot for doubting Aemond. Maybe it wasn't the romantic proposal you had dreamed of but you didn't care. You were so relieved and so glad you didn't have to do this alone.

“Yes,” you responded with your heart racing and tears in your eyes. “Yes!” you repeated louder this time before throwing yourself into your fiancé's arms. You began to laugh as Aemond picked you up and spun you around. Your fears were forgotten. The only thing you felt at that moment was happiness.

Present

Aemon found it strange that when he arrived at camp Rickon was not waiting for him at the entrance like the previous years. He assumed this time that the trip had tired him too much and he went to take a nap in his cabin. So he decided to go there first instead of searching for him throughout the rest of the camp. If Rickon wasn't there at least he would leave his suitcases so he could walk comfortably.

When he entered the cabin he expected to find it empty or his best friend sleeping. He never imagined that an almost exact copy of him would be found walking back and forth all over the place. Aemon is not proud but his first reaction is to scream and throw his suitcase at him with all his might.

“Dude, what the hell?!” his copy shouted, barely managing to cum in time to avoid being hit.

“What happened?!” Rickon asked, also screaming, running out of the bathroom. “Aemon you finally arrived!” He ran to hug him.

Aemon barely moved his arms to hug Rickon but his eyes did not leave the other boy who was too similar to him. The copy of him didn't stop looking at him either, the two of them were studying each other. The only difference is that the stranger had much shorter hair than Aemon and did not have tanned skin like him. But Aemon knew that if he hadn't been sailing in the sun with his grandparents just a few days ago then he would look just like the copy of him.

"Who is he?" Aemon asked breaking the hug, no longer able to stand his curiosity. If he had encountered the copy of him years ago he would have thought that it was some kind of prank by Rickon or that maybe it was an evil clone but now he knew that it didn't make sense. The only logical explanation he could think of was that he had a missing twin but that didn't make sense because his mom would never hide something as big as this from him.

“Aemon do you need glasses? It's obvious that he's a copy of you," said the dark-haired boy, earning an angry look from the other two boys. “Don't do that, it's weird,” he complained.

“I am not Aemon's copy. In any case, he is my copy,” declared the short-haired boy.

“I met Aemon before so you are a copy of him.”

“Wait, why does he know my name?” Aemon interrupted before the other two continued fighting over who the copy was. He needed to know what was going on before he gave him a headache. Although since he saw the stranger he began to feel bad. It was disconcerting to see someone just like himself. He made him feel uncomfortable. Not even Joffrey looked that much like him, and she was his brother.

Aemon wanted to know who this boy was, why he looked so much like him, and why this was the first time he had met him. But at the same time, he was afraid. He could already sense that his life would be different after this camp. He decided to sit on the nearest bed to avoid running out and ask one of the caregivers for his cell phone to call his parents to come back to look for him. Maybe he should have let Mom walk him to the cabin like she wanted.

“Your friend thought I was you, he came up shouting your name when I was with my uncle Daeron. My uncle said that he knew you and that I should stay with Rickon until you showed up. Now I see why he insisted so much."

Aemon was sure he had heard Daeron's name before but he was sure he had never met him. Without realizing it he began to move his leg up and down trying to remember that he knew about Daeron but nothing came to mind.

“I am Baelon Targaryen,” the boy introduced himself, looking at him with concern and Aemon squeezed his leg to prevent himself from moving it further. “I think I'm your twin.”

“No,” the long-haired boy denied instantly.

“Dude, we're literally copies of each other!” Baelon said, frustration evident in his voice, pointing at Aemon and then at himself.

Rickon gave Baelon a look telling him to shut up. In the few hours that he had known him, Baelon had never seen Rickon so serious, so he crossed his arms indignantly and watched silently and attentively as Stark sat next to his twin.

“I know it seems crazy, Aemon, but I really think Baelon is right,” said the dark-haired boy, looking at his friend with concern. Rickon wouldn't know how to react either if he suddenly found out that he had a twin. “The two are copies of each other. Besides, he grew up without knowing his mom and you grew up without knowing your dad. I don't think it's a coincidence. Just like I don't think it's a coincidence that Baelon's uncle knew you."

Aemon looked at his best friend before turning his attention to his possible new brother. “When were you born?”

"June 20th. I guess just like you," said Baelon, and was satisfied when he saw that his twin nodded. "I have a photo of Mom!" He suddenly remembered the photo that he had stolen from Dad a long time ago and that he had hidden in his luggage. “You can see her and confirm that she is our mom,” he said excitedly, thinking that this way Aemon could no longer deny his relationship. He couldn't help but be excited at the thought that he was no longer alone, he had a brother. He had always seen how close his uncle Daeron was to his dad and his other uncles and he remembered wanting to have the same.

Baelon ran to grab his suitcase and began to take out all of his clothes, not caring about the mess, until he found the latest Boku no Hero manga that he was reading and triumphantly pulled out one of the pages the photo of her mother with him in her arms while she kissed his cheek, her eyes were only on him, not caring to look at the camera.

“Look,” he said, handing the photo proudly to Aemon. The photo wasn't complete, it was obvious that someone had cut it in half but Baelon didn't care. That photo was one of his most prized possessions. He looked at her every day before going to sleep because he reminded him that his mom loves him.

“Oh, shit,” Aemon muttered before handing the photo back to him.

“It's her, right?” Baelon asked, watching with anticipation as it was now Aemon who was searching for something in his suitcase. Aemon, unlike him, was not throwing his clothes everywhere. He felt his heart race when he saw how his twin took out a notebook and took something out of it.

“Is this your dad?” Aemon asked, giving him a photo. Baelon nodded several times, unable to say anything out of emotion. His dad wasn't looking at the camera but he wasn't looking at the baby he was holding either. He just looked to the side with a smile.

Baelon took both photos and placed them side by side on the bed. The photo was now complete. Dad was looking at Mom. If Baelon hadn't been so engrossed in looking at the photo then he would have noticed Aemon and Rickon exchanging glances.

“I told you we're twins!” Baelon said with a big smile once he snapped out of the shock of nudging Aemon.

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[soapisahimbo]

NSFW ABC - Rodolfo Parra Edition

Finally! I'll be honest with you, this man has been quite the challenge to write about, mostly because it's been difficult to pin his personality and whatnot. But! I'm hoping I got it at least somewhat right and that you'll enjoy this one!

Contains heavy smut elements, so minors stay away!

I'm going to try my best to make sure that it won't be as long until I get your requests out, because I don't like keeping you waiting!

warnings: senseless smut, detailed descriptions, hinted at female anatomy, Rodolfo is a fucking sweetheart

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex):

He's a real sweetheart, placing kisses over every part of you that he can reach, running his hands over the parts that he can't. He mumbles sweet nothings into your skin, some in English, some in Spanish, and this is one of the few times he'll be this verbal about his affection to you. Not that he never is usually, but he's a bit more relaxed and daring with his choice in words when you lay down with him like this. "So beautiful, so soft... warm... I can never get enough of you, querida, I want more..."

Once he breaks out of his reverie, he checks if you're ok. He's not very rough in bed, but he is strong and he can get pretty intense in the heat of the moment and can leave a few marks behind if he loses himself enough in the parts of you that he pays extra close attention to. He's never hurt you before, but he wants you to enjoy being with him. He wants to know if there's anything particular that you did or didn't like, so he knows to do more or less of it in the future. He asks you if you want to get in the shower. If you're a bit weak in the legs, he's quick to help you out. He might feel bad about it, but if you reassure him and tell him that you don't mind, he'll be vastly more confident; maybe even a bit cheeky.

He may be gentle and reserved, but he's certainly not lacking in passion. Can't keep his hands and mouth off of you, kisses deeply and touches eagerly. Insists that he should be the one to clean you off just so he can touch you more, but he's even more happy to oblige if you do the same just to get touched by you.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s):

Listen, he knows what his body looks like - he sees it in the mirror every day. But he is not vain, even in the slightest. He's aware that people might find his body attractive, but he's not the type to get cocky. He keeps himself in good shape because he feels it's necessary, but he's not as interested in flaunting his "assets" as some of his teammates might be. They have teased him about this more times than he can count, calling him things like the "shy maiden" of Los Vaqueros, but there's usually at least one or two people that remind them that he can easily take all of them out if he so wanted and that's all it takes to shut their mouths for a good while.

With that said, he has his own personal appreciation for his chest and arms. Not necessarily because of the way they look, but because he likes the way you can rest your head on his chest, and the way he can wrap his arms tightly around you (not to mention the way you place your hands on his pecs when you ride him, or the way he can hold you in place when he takes you).

He actually has a special weakness for the same parts on you, for the same reasons too. He just takes great enjoyment in laying his head down on your chest, thinks it's the best place to rest and even jokingly claims that he doesn't regain nearly as much energy if he rests somewhere else. Melts a little bit every time you hug him from behind and wishes that you'd never let go.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically):

He's not the type to say this out loud, but seeing the strings of his cum on your skin? His heart is pounding in his ears just thinking about it. On your stomach or the small of your back, over your thighs - it's not like he covers you all over, but the sight of it taps into something feral that he barely even knew he had in him. It makes him feel hot and it makes him want to do far more salacious things to you, but he's not quite sure what that would entail or how to make them reality. He holds back, but he has a dirtier mind than he might let on, or is even aware of. Perhaps with a bit of guidance...

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs):

Rodolfo has always been a highly respectful man. He maintains eye contact, keeps his hands to himself, stays at a respectable distance when he speaks to someone he's not intimate with, and he was determined to stick to this, no matter how weak in the knees he was for you. He was sure you weren't doing it on purpose, but those clothes you wore that night certainly... accentuated some parts of you that he hadn't paid much attention to earlier (or at least tried not to). You two were good friends, so giving him hugs, leaning onto him, just standing close to him in general was not strange to either of you, but even if he always had been a bit infatuated with you, he never made any moves that could be considered inappropriate. But with the way you looked and the alcohol in his blood, hugging you felt different when he was suddenly so aware of your body. And he could tell that the other men were too. He's not typically jealous, but he felt a certain heat in his chest when he saw them try to approach you, licking their lips and undressing you with their eyes. But the night was not in their favour - you preferred his company over theirs and when you had had one too many drinks, he offered you to crash at his place. He didn't have any single ulterior motive with this, he just wanted to make sure you were safe.

Once at his place, he said that he'd ready the guest room for you, but you asked him very sweetly if you could maybe sleep with him in his bed tonight. Not knowing how to turn you down, he dumbfoundedly agreed and took you to his room. Once you were tucked in next to him, wearing a pair of his shorts and a t-shirt that he let you borrow, he tried to relax and fall asleep, but he was alarmingly aware of your body pressing up against him. He couldn't help himself. He blamed it on the alcohol clouding his judgment, but he couldn't go to sleep like this. Once he was sure you were asleep, he snuck out of bed and into the bathroom, stepping into the shower where he pulled his sweats down, wrapped his hand around his cock and jerked off to the thought of you.

He tried to keep his mind off of it the following day, but it was difficult. By the next time he invited you over, he'd had some time to think about your friendship and his feelings towards you, and while he's still not 100% sure about the order of events that had him end up on top of you, he really couldn't resist you anymore - especially not when you undressed that way for him.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?):

He's no virgin and he definitely knows his way around the bedroom, but he's not interested in one-night-stands or any friends-with-benefits-type deal. He's a very monogamous man, wants to be close only to someone who he's in a dedicated relationship with. He might not exactly have been with plenty of women, but he pays close attention to the one he's with and is almost freakishly good at finding those exact spots to make your mind melt.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying):

Any position where he can feel your body right up against his. He's the type to hold you almost overwhelmingly close, but you like it - you can't tell where you end and he starts. The entire expanse of his chest against your own or against your back, his legs wrapped up in yours, fingers entwined, arms pinned. He likes it if you or he can sit straight up so he can get a good view of you, but he's always drawn to that "the closest we can physically get is still not close enough" kind of position.

If you feel a bit daring and can withstand those big, dark puppy eyes of his, you can definitely use this against him. Gently urge him to let you take care of him, tell him to keep his hands to himself - no need to restrain him - and watch him crumble underneath you. Once again, he never says this out loud, never dares to actually ask for it, but fuck, he loves it.

He doesn't stray far from this all that often, but he's also surprisingly into holding you up against the wall, which definitely caught you by surprise when you found out. Doesn't happen very often, but you're certainly not complaining when it does.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.):

He doesn't exactly make a lot of jokes, but he says things that make you chuckle, and then that will make him chuckle, and then the two of you are just a pair of giggly messes making each other come apart in just pure joy and pleasure. He sometimes says incredibly sweet things that'll have you giggle like a school girl talking to her biggest crush and he just loves making you laugh out of love.

Of course, he can be quite playful and both of you have had each other in stitches, but it's usually because of something unpredictable and out of your control that you can't really do much else about other than laugh. Once it was a very loud pair of cats fighting out on the street just outside your home, another time it was Rudy bumping his head into the wall above you, and another time your neighbour sneezed really loudly and it startled both of you into an absolute fit. So while Rudy might not be the biggest jokester, he doesn't mind a good laugh.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.):

He doesn't actually have much of a happy trail - it sticks up maybe an inch above the hem of his boxers - but there's a rather thick and curly patch of hair down there. It's not very unruly though and it doesn't really spread out all that much. It's surprisingly soft and luscious, actually. He doesn't need to do much in terms of trimming, but he'll do a sweep with the trimmer for the sake of comfort every now and then, especially during the warmer months.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect):

Oh, he's all over this. He's practically bursting with love and warmth when he holds you close in literally any way he can, regardless of if it's when you're naked in bed with him, or in your pajamas, fully swaddled with blankets and sitting in front of the TV, watching bad soap operas. Intimacy is a big deal for him and he takes it very seriously. Hell, nudity never needs to lead to sex, it's just another way for him to feel you.

He's oh so sweet and very gentle with his affection for you and just wants to spend as much time as he can with you, without being overbearing of course. Doing domestic tasks together, taking naps, hushed conversations in the middle of the night - he's all about that.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon):

It shames him a bit when he does it; it feels like it's something he shouldn't be doing, so he tries to steer clear of it. But since the two of you got together, it's become way more challenging than it ever was before, and you've sort of relieved some of his previous qualms about it. He doesn't want to do it if you're nearby because it feels like he's going behind your back, but sometimes when far away from you, he might not be able to help himself.

However the thought of someone catching him in the act is absolutely mortifying, especially if it happened to be Alejandro, so even if he wants to, he might not actually go through with it.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks):

He is not a very kinky man, but mostly because he hasn't really explored all that much. He might not be fully aware of what he likes or really wants to do until he finds the right outlet for it, but if you encourage him to try more things out, he'll probably find that he enjoys things like edging, soft bondage, blindfolds and temperature play. He might have a bit of an affinity for biting. When trying out new things, you might need to show him how you'd do it to him first before he feels comfortable trying it on you, but he's a quick learner and he easily picks up on your cues, finding just the right trick to please both of you.

As mentioned before, he has a dirtier mind than one might think, perhaps dirtier than he himself thinks. The more you encourage him and boost his confidence, the more daring he'll get and the more he'll initiate and come up with his own things he might want to try. You might be surprised when he suggests something along the lines of shibari - he won't do anything extreme and doesn't feel any desire to do any form of suspension, but there's something about the intricacy and intimacy of it that he enjoys.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do):

Bed and couch. He mostly wants to lay down with you during sex, but he does like having you up against the wall - when that happens though, it's usually in the hallway when neither of you have the patience to wait any longer. He feels that the shower is too risky - too slippery - so if the two of you get frisky in there, he usually prefers that you move it into the bedroom. Never wants to have sex outside the home though - the thought of getting caught makes him very uncomfortable.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going):

You. Just you in general. The way you look, the way you move, the way you smell, the way you feel, all of it. He's weak in the knees for you in both the most domestic, loving way and the most lusty, sexual way. He often mirrors you and he's very attuned to you - if you flirt, he flirts; if you're down, he's down. He matches your intention and your energy, so he moves the way you do, looks at you the way you look at him, feels you the way you feel him. It's like an intricate dance that only you two know the choreography of.

While not the jealous or possessive type, there is something in him that feeds off of the fact that others want you but you're his. All these men looking your way, vying for your attention, and he's the one that has it. He's always a bit more intense in these moments, and these are usually the times when you barely make it further than the hallway.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs):

Don't ever - don't you ever! - suggest any form of impact play or choking or anything of the sort! Not for yourself, not for him, that's just nowhere near his list of things he'd want to do to or with you. Sex can be intense and heated and passionate, definitely, but violent? Never.

Gags also, he wants to hear you and he wants to be able to tell you how much he loves you. He's a softie at heart, all right? He just wants to love on you.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.):

He never asks for it. He reassures you that you don't have to if you don't want to when you ask if you can go down on him, but if you insist, if you tell him that you really want to, he'll take a deep breath before giving you a dazed nod and mumbling out a gentle, "yeah, ok".

He strokes your hair, your cheeks, has a hard time looking at you because it just looks so lewd and you're so sexy and it feels so fucking good. He might moan out some jumbled combination of your name, to slow down or to go faster, how good you are to him, how close he is and so on. He doesn't do anything to control your pace until he gets really close, which is when he grabs your head. He does try to be gentle about fucking your mouth, but he has a tendency to get lost in the sensation and might shove his dick further down your throat than he intended. It's worth it when he cums though, because he heaves forward, leaning over you and moaning into the crown of your hair, while his thighs shake and quiver until he finally comes down from the high of it. He apologizes if he's been too rough, but you tell him not to worry. But regardless of if he returns the favour right away or he goes down on you some other time, he keeps this in mind and uses any chance he can get to make it up to you.

Let him make it up to you, please. Even if he's pushing you a bit farther than you think you might be able to take. He takes going down on you very seriously. He won't allow himself to get distracted by anything (Alejandro called once while he was going down on you and you're pretty sure that's the only time Rudy has ever told you "he can wait") - he wants to give all his attention to you. He holds a strong and firm grip on your hips and thighs, making it near impossible for you to move, licking and sucking and kissing for what might feel like an eternity, coaxing out a number of orgasms in such a succession that it might just be one very extended one. He loses himself in it, too, and he doesn't seem to have any problem looking at you now. His eyes glazed over, heavy-lidded and deep and this time you might be the one who has to look away.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.):

He's a slow and heavy one, holding you tightly and grinding his hips into yours. He keeps this pace very steady and doesn't really change it unless you ask him to or he's getting close. He's had his moments where he goes quicker and rougher, mostly out of pure impatience and desperation for you, but he prefers to keep it slow and deep if he can.

If you want him to go faster, he'll do his best to hold out as long as he can, but if you're in charge and maybe ride him, he might ask you to slow down, just because you feel so good and he wants to make it last.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.):

He's not a big fan, to be honest. He might try to go for it a few times, but he finds that it's not nearly as satisfactory as actually spending a much more extended amount of time with you, and once he's started, it's hard for him to stop. He once tried to go for a quickie in the bathroom once, bending you over the sink, but those five minutes that he asked for at the start just kept going and going and going and going... he apologized several times during the deed, but he just couldn't bring himself to stop, and you honestly didn't really mind it.

You did, however, take any chance you got to make fun of him for it. He's usually a very disciplined and strong-willed individual, but that just seems to melt away when he's with you.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.):

If there's ever anything he'd want to experiment with, he's doing it very cautiously. Remember the temperature play and shibari? He won't touch upon it unless he's read pretty much every article and every tip and every cautionary tale he can find on it. And once he's done that and gathered up the courage for it, he'll talk to you about it in great detail, with flushed cheeks and all, because he wants to know how you feel about it, and if you agree to try it, he'll go at it with baby steps - a little at a time. He takes it upon himself to prepare for everything that can go wrong and explains his steps to you as he's doing them. You might need to tell him to relax a bit, not to worry so much. It's good that he's prepared, but sometimes he needs a reminder to get out of his head and actually enjoy the moment.

With all that said, he won't ever try anything that he thinks might cause either one of you actual harm or put you at risk. He's not an adrenaline junkie, and he personally finds the sex to be mindblowing enough as it is, so he doesn't see any reason to do anything too wild.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?):

If he was a much more prideful person, he'd definitely be the type to brag about how long he can hold out. But he isn't, so he doesn't, even if you've told him several times that you're impressed with his stamina. He can go for 3 rounds, easily, mainly because he paces himself and has a strangely effective recovery. He has a hard time stopping, he always wants a little bit more, but even he reaches his limit at some point. It of course depends on how long you can go for - it's no longer any fun if you're not into it.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?):

He has never really thought about toys, at least not for himself. If he ever came across any of your toys, it would be purely accidental and it might actually take him a moment to realize what he's looking at before blushing profusely and then trying his absolute best to pretend he never saw anything. He won't tell you what he found unless you catch him in the act, or you notice that he's acting strange and convince him to tell you. If you manage to get it out of him, you'll need to reassure him that you're not angry with him, because he's convinced that you'll be outraged if you find this out.

If you tell him that you use them when he's away and you miss him, you'll practically hear his heart race. Couple that with a sultry, "I can't make myself feel as good as you do" and he might snap.

He never considers using them during sex, not out of shame or any sort of qualm towards it, but because he feels like that's your own thing and it's not for him to meddle with, so if you want to use them with him, you'll need to convince him. Be careful though, because once he reaches a certain amount of confidence, he'll really give you a run for your money.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease):

He's not at all a teaser, at least not on purpose. He can get a bit distracted, rubbing and kissing spots just because he enjoys it and you have to redirect him because he's actually driving you insane without realizing it.

He gets a bit uncomfortable if you tease him outside the comfort of your home, so keep it within the walls. If you tease him at times where he can't instantly get to you, better brace yourself, because once he is able to reach you, he won't let go for a good while.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.):

Not very loud, but quite vocal. He sticks to moans and sighs and whispers, keeping his mouth close to your ears so that you can hear him, or to your skin so that he can kiss you. His words might get jumbled up, but he's not the type to ramble even when overwhelmed. He's terrible at staying quiet though, which is just one of the reasons he doesn't want to have sex if not in a room with a lockable door and thick enough walls.

He might actually surprise you with some of the things he says to you in the heat of the moment - it's like he loses his filter, even if it's just for a moment. He barely remembers it if you question him about it after the fact and honestly surprises himself with some of the dirtier things he's said to you. One of the tamer things he's said has been "I wanna fuck you until we pass out, baby," and you remember feeling surprised at hearing that come from him as it sent you over the edge.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character):

You sat in bed reading a book, leaning back against Rodolfo's chest, with his arms around you. You were reading it aloud as he basked in your warmth, placing gentle kisses against your hair every now and then as just a tiny little sign of love. But as time went on, the warmth began to shift to something else, something that had his heart beat just a little bit faster, and he couldn't even tell what it was that did it. But his hands began to trail down over your hips, and he could tell by the way your voice fell for just a moment that you could tell what he was doing. He buried his face in the crook of your neck, his fingers tugging just a little bit at the hem of your underwear and you did your best to continue reading.

His fingers trailed just a little bit further down and you paused for a moment to gather yourself. "Rudy, what-?"

"I'm sorry, can I just..." He didn't finish his question before he slipped into your underwear and he began to work his hand between your legs. "Just... just keep reading, baby..."

His other hand snuck up under you shirt and to your chest where his fingers found one of your nipples. "Rudy, how am I supposed to-"

"Keep reading, please?"

You leaned your head back to try and get yourself together and you felt him moan silently against your neck. You took a deep breath, then focused back on the book and began to read again, albeit shakily. You don't know what got into him, but he was panting against your skin as if you were pleasuring him, and he kept asking you to keep reading even after you came. After the third time though, you threw the book away and begged him to just fuck you already. This seemed to snap him out of it and he finally took his clothes off, letting you get on top and sit down fully on his length.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes):

6-ish inches, give or take if he's hard or soft. It has a little bend to it and is a bit thicker than others, but not too much. The head of it is a little thicker than the rest, but it only seems to work in his favour.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?):

He's not an overtly sexual type of person, but you do things to him that he just can't resist, so it's safe to say that he wants you as much and as often as you want him. If he's in the mood, he'll approach you carefully and patiently, never expecting you to do anything you don't want to, but you find that his touches and kisses always work to warm you up (just as yours do for him). How high his sex drive is can vary from day to day, week to week, but he's still very affectionate and intimate on the days when it's low.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards):

It might actually take a while for him to fall asleep afterwards. He likes to talk to you, sometimes about how much he enjoyed it, sometimes about how much he loves you, sometimes about plans or things he'd want to do, and he might talk for a good hour or so. If you're sleepy though, he'll let you sleep. He'll watch you for little while, taking in the sight of you before getting comfortable and falling asleep with you in his arms.

[kaus-quietis]

BSD Fyodor Dostoyevsky: an in-depth character analysis

“Человек есть тайна. Ее надо разгадать, и ежели будешь ее разгадывать всю жизнь, то не говори, что потерял время; я занимаюсь этой тайной, ибо хочу быть человеком.” / “Man is an enigma. It must be unravelled, and if you will unravel it your entire life, then do not say that you have wasted time; I occupy myself with that enigma, because I want to be human.” – the writer Fyodor Mikhailovich Dostoyevsky, in a letter to his older brother, Mikhail (St. Petersburg, 16 August 1839)

The purpose of this post is to present and analyse information related to Bungou Stray Dogs’ Fyodor Dostoyevsky’s personality and methodology. Softer than shadow, unsolved and endless, Fyodor may as well “hide” his soul under our very eyes and we still would not know if that is the “real” him. This is my promised Fedya essay, an info-gathering analysis masterpost I hope you will enjoy and find useful for contemplating and coming to understand his complex character a little bit better.

Warning: merciless BSD manga spoilers. Literally spoiling everything. Also, this is an unbelievably long post (20200+ words). Have some lovely tea, listen to Rachmaninoff, and read in serene leisure or endlessly curious passion.

Last update: November 2022. 20.200+ words. The BSD manga reached ch105, the BSD anime completed season 3, while season 4 is announced for January 2023. Please refer to my original post (this one) in the future, as I could add updates periodically when new chapters release (or so I hope). Please note that I am using the official English translations for chapters 1-94 unless stated otherwise. I am eternally grateful for all fan translations. Lastly, please note that in this essay I will not focus on: 1) connections to F.M. Dostoyevsky’s Crime and Punishment or other literary works; 2) connections to F.M. Dostoyevsky’s biography / personal life; 3) possibilities of what Fyodor’s ability could be; 4) the philosophical and ethical side of Fyodor’s motives. All these would require vast separate posts entirely (who knows, I might write them too one day). My intention is to offer guidance in decyphering what Fyodor’s personality is truly like, as well as how his methods and tactics play a role into shaping said personality or BSD’s plot. Last note: in this essay, quite frequently, I am making references to other beautiful posts written by BSD fans, tagging them and linking to their posts. If you are tagged and want me to remove the tag, please send me a message via ask box and I will edit the tag out.

Sections:

A. Let the hand of God guide you: Fyodor and hand / arm symbolism

B. He understands human nature deeply, if not perfectly

C. He values independence and (most probably) his co-workers

D. No confirmation yet that he is brainwashing others and why this is relevant

E. He loves and lives for entertainment

F. Humble, not arrogant. Self-proclaimed god or servant of God?

G. A strange divergence inside Fyodor. Is he a singularity?

H. Soft, discreet, graceful, yet playfully dramatic. His body language in the manga, in comparison to the anime

A. Let the hand of God guide you: Fyodor and hand / arm symbolism

When it comes to Fyodor’s character, even choosing a starting point for our discussion about him might prove challenging. For all we know so far, he is a Russian man with a completely unknown past, he appears to be in his 20s, just a pinch shorter than Dazai (as @kaikaikitanmp3​​ showed here), elegant, alluring and ambiguously sickly (see section H for more on his self-proclaimed anemia and overall physique). Until we get more canon manga information on his personal profile, I propose we start from something that already has numerous ties to Fyodor’s character, a symbol we can present the many meanings of, only to abandon us to our roaming thoughts later. This symbol is that of the hand, and, before that, the closely-related symbol of the arm.

Embrace of all. A symbol of both power and protection, the human arm represents the instrument to apply justice and punishment, to rule and to guide. Not only that, but as a symbol of a human’s strength and capacity to act, its image becomes that of vitality itself. To open one’s arms is an act of invocation, raising them to the sky – an act of calling for divine blessing, but this welcoming gesture also renders a person wide-open and vulnerable, receptive and embracing. A certain humbleness and vulnerability is involved in this gesture, because only then one can wholly accept what stands before or above them, let them in, understand and feel them. This willingness to embrace alterity, when represented in art or various media, can be of different nuances, thus triggering different responses in the viewer: it can be soothing, heartwarming, comforting, just as it can be unnerving, constraining, intrusive even for even just suggesting such embrace. It is no wonder we see this gesture in how Ango apparently imagines Fyodor (ch78). While his arms are covered by his coat, his open hands, as of darkness, extend towards the viewer. This image appears as Ango concluded that Atsushi getting shot by Nathaniel, later falling unconscious in Anne’s room, was part of Fyodor’s plan. How this plan covered and embraced that outcome is portrayed as unsettling, therefore making good use of the negative values of such body language and symbols. Together with the ch63 panel where Fyodor’s faceless silhouette is shown with his open hands turned towards his chest, each finger pulling a thin string, this example, too, suggests the idea of Fyodor’s influence and interference being disturbingly omnipresent, this time with the hand gesture emphasizing the hidden character of his plans. A different example, of Fyodor conveying openness through body language, specifically showing his palms to someone while even opening his arms in a welcoming manner, is when he was negotiating with Mushitaro in ch55, offering to end his imprisonment in exchange for Mushitaro playing a role in Fyodor’s Cannibalistic Mutual Destruction operation. At that moment, Fyodor’s gesture conveyed the sincere character of his offer, made more impactful by being accompanied by much gesticulation on Fyodor’s part during the whole scene (more on Fyodor’s rhetorical use of expressive gestures in section H).

Honesty and harmlessness. The symbol of the hand also represents human ability to act, putting a start or an end to action, as well as having the freedom to act. Just like the arm, the hand is a symbol of power, justice and dominance, as well as guidance and bestowing blessings. Open palms, much like open arms, convey the message of having no ill will, no hidden secrets, thus presenting oneself in an open, vulnerable position, but also one allowing reception of the other, and, in the case of the open hands, showing willingness to share, as the hand’s different “powers” are almost as numerous as human actions themselves: to contain, to take away, to keep hidden, to harm, to mend, to unite, to divide, to guide, to give. The meanings of these, melted together, would all still accurately be applicable to Fyodor’s character, who, in the most general sense, just like Dazai’s character or even more so, represents the complexity of human nature, so rich in paradoxes, so ultimately impenetrable. Now, showing your hands, and especially showing your palms or inner part of your arms (interior side of the wrists and upper arms, for example), means showing you have no ill intent (based on how, for example, since ancient times, such a posture simply showed the other that you do not carry any weapons). Hence, in this line of thought, we can approach the scene where Fyodor showed his fragile hand and wrist to Ace in ch42. It has a double meaning in this scenario: firstly, Fyodor is indeed honest and open, he does not have an ill intent, because his hidden purpose, in itself, addresses the greater good of humanity; secondly, Fyodor’s intent becomes “ill” only when related to Ace himself, who saw Fyodor as a threat and was ready to deny Fyodor his personhood, as he did with all his subordinates, who became his slaves or, rather, his disposeable objects and instruments. In so many of BSD’s events and organisational dynamics, it is evident how relativity rules the verdict we as readers can give to various groups or characters. BSD features excellent examples of grey morality everywhere, and the problem of whether Fyodor is good or evil is no exception. It is all relative to a past and a future we do not know yet, while still maintaing a certain unnerving, dark side that undeniably accompanies Fyodor’s character at each step. The reader is then immediately reminded of this dark, threatening side of Fyodor’s, as he concluded the ennumeration of his physical and circumstational disadvantages with the abrupt “So how about this? I’ll kill you instead”.  And while I did call this subsection “honesty and harmlessness”, everyone is conscious of Fyodor’s potential to harm at any time, most characters living in anticipation of being harmed by him, and yet we still have no clear idea how he applies physical harm (including death), despite having valuable depictions of how subtly he can exert mental and emotional harm, or simply influence, on others (more on that in the following sections). That being said, despite Fyodor calling humans sinful and foolish and expressing his desire to “purify” them (ch46, Fyodor: “Man is sinful and foolish. Even if they know it is all an artifice, they cannot help but kill each other. Someone must purify them for those sins”), we never see him acting like he hates or is disgusted by humans, nor like he forcefully wants to change how they behave. The latter reminds us of the thin line between plain manipulation (a thing Fyodor does when necessary for his larger strategic moves, as he has done in ch47 with fake Pushkin and the children or in ch75 with Sigma) and exerting oppressive corrective behaviour upon others (a thing we never see Fyodor doing, as he never changes the people he interacts with, who they are and what they value; see sections B and C). In fact, his openness to human nature in general is highlighted, for instance, in his interactions with Nikolai and in the way he talks about Sigma (see section C). Opposite traits blend perfectly into Fyodor’s character in most subtle ways, as I intend to prove by the end of this essay, so let us continue gathering such examples on the way, across all sections.

Bestowing blessings. In the manga, Fyodor was shown using a very specific hand gesture when using his ability on Karma, thus openly depicted only in ch42 so far. The same gesture, prepared but changed into one of covering Mushitaro’s head with its palm, appeared in ch56 in a hallucination, when Mushitaro was forced into a corner by Ranpo’s blackmailing, which for Mushitaro triggered images of Fyodor (more on this below). To me, this peculiar hand gesture is like a mixture of different acts I witnessed or experienced in religious contexts (to clarify my background, I’m slavic, Orthodox, and Eastern European, no “expert” in religions but fascinated by sacred rituals), and by this I mean specifically acts of blessing and chrismation done by priests. 1) Blessing marks bestowing holiness or invoking the divine will and protection upon a person (but also places, objects etc.), and is done in several ways: when one-handed and by a (consecrated) priest, using the right hand, with the finger positions spelling out the letters “IC XC” (for Ἰησοῦς Χριστός, Jesus Christ in Greek), the same sign being done with both hands when the gesture is two-handed; when one-handed and by a secular (also done between regular people occasionally), making the sign of the cross over someone or something using the thumb and index + middle finger stretched outwards, similar to the finger positions when making the sign of the cross on oneself. Fyodor’s hand position is most similar to the latter in this case, albeit with a sinister twist: Fyodor seems to use his left hand for the gesture. A different gesture for blessing, in this specific meaning mostly starting with the New Testament, is putting one’s hands over someone. There, this gesture is closely linked to the miraculous healings bestowed by Christ (as in Luke, 13, 13), and, after His ascension, keeping its relation to healing and bestowing the Holy Spirit, to the duty quite literally left in the hands of the apostles (as in Acts, 8, 17). 2) Chrismation is a Christian sacrament, where, in short, the priest anoints another person with the holy chrism, a ritualic ointment, while making the sign of the cross over specific body parts, each being a symbol of something, starting with the forehead (where the blessing of the mind is bestowed). Chrism itself, a common element in Mediterrean and Middle-East religious practices since ancient times, gained a particularly important role in Christianity, being used very often, in both baptismal and funeral rites, as well as sacraments (chrismation and acts of consecration). It symbolizes divine benediction, the gifts of the Holy Spirit, but also bestowing power and glory (in the context of coronations or such). Each time the author of the benediction is considered to be the divinity, whereas the one who applies the chrism on the other is a mediator between the earthly and the holy. Notably, this use in baptisms and funerals marks an associations with beginnings and endings, life and death. To me, Fyodor’s hand gesture when using his ability, particularly the gentle touch of another’s forehead, always looked similar to the act of anointing someone with chrism (though it is not usually done directly with the fingers, but with a little brush or one half of the ointment’s recipient), and in line with his canon dialogues, we could say what he bestows is “the great silence”, “the salvation of death”, which can turn into the blessing of a meaningful, peaceful death, bone-chilling nonetheless, such as in Karma’s case (ch42, see section B where I expand upon this). This gesture links Fyodor’s character to the image of a mediator, the role of “the right hand of God”, carrying out a mission that can be regarded as holy (based on Fyodor’s use of religious vocabulary), although we still lack canon material to fully establish whether that is only a trait of his way of speech or indeed a hint for his motives’ origins (see section F).

Threat and manipulation, relative examples. Later, in ch56, Ranpo hit Mushitaro’s most profound, personal weakspot by adopting Fyodor’s type of manipulation, in the form of a one-time bargain with emotional pressure, an offer he could not refuse (Ranpo would have releaved a truth Mushitaro did not want to make public if Mushitaro did not accept Ranpo’s terms; see also @looking-for-stray-dogs ’s post here). However, given that we already saw Fyodor offering Mushitaro a deal in ch55, there is a noticeable difference between Fyodor’s and Ranpo’s deal here, which, in my opinion, shows that Ranpo cannot immitate Fyodor completely (or refuses to) while he also imagines him as a much worse person than Fyodor can be deduced to be, in fact, strictly based on his interaction with Mushitaro. In ch55, it is shown that Fyodor simply offered to free Mushitaro from the basement he was locked in, in exchange for Mushitaro using his ability serving Fyodor’s Mutual Destruction plan once. This deal was fulfilled and their interactions ceased. I would call this a case of pragmatic manipulation, because Fyodor did not profit of Mushitaro’s feelings or past, he only offered freedom from Mushitaro’s cell. By contrast, Ranpo, assuming Fyodor works only (and especially) with emotional manipulation, simply blackmailed Mushitaro into turning himself in. Of course, Fyodor is capable of emotional manipulation (as in Sigma’s and Nikolai’s cases, see section B, but also section H below), but he can also manipulate others not even bringing their emotions into the discussion (as in Mushitaro’s case). By limiting his assumptions to emotional manipulation, Ranpo may be walking down a dangerous path, disregarding the full spectre of Fyodor’s methods. Assuming Fyodor is “the worst person possible” by default could also prove to be a wrong approach, as it is easier and convenient to conclude on that for others, but assumes too much about Fyodor and adds a rigid label on him, one that Fyodor can exploit later. In fact, we saw he already did once, by giving the worst relationship advice on purpose in ch64, in Meursault, when Dazai asked for said advice within Fyodor’s “All-smiles Problem-solving Roooooundtable” (and yet, this, together with Dazai’s lines, were shaped that way for the purpose of establishing the terms of their secret code, as I shall argue below, in section C). Meursault guards are portrayed monitoring Fyodor and Dazai, whom they consider “demons” of crime, expecting them to be exactly the worst souless manipulator and the worst flirtacious lunatic respectively. I would like to thank Eliott @stories-from-saint-petersburg for discussing this scene with me in-depth and putting this aspect of it into very fitting words I shall copy below. Besides the ideas presented here, see also section C for this brilliant scene’s actual meaning, according to what I could deduce further.

Eliott: “But also, they know they are filmed and that people are listening to them. So it would make sense to give answers that are more far from their characters, to confuse or not to give too much info to their jailors. Just like they switch to code when speaking about more serious things. That’d make sense in a strategy where you have to deceive your opponent, the opponent being Meursault. If they both give shit answers (and the answers that are expected from them), then the way they make up their plans will be still more difficult to find out by the prison.”

There is more to be inspected in Mushitaro’s ch56 hallucination of Fyodor covering his head with his palm. For this, I shall leave a different discussion I had with Eliott below:

Lav: “One difference is that Karma (ch42) actually experiences that touch. He sees Fedya's hand, he feels the touch of his fingers. It happened as an event in his life. In comparison, Mushi (ch56) sees this image when Ranpo blackmails him into turning himself in, as Ranpo makes a speech about using the methods of a demon to reach his goal (debatable, I will expand on this when the time is right). Apparently, Ranpo's speech triggers an emotional reaction in Mushi, who then imagines Fedya reaching towards him, making the same gesture he did to Karma, and the panels are white, while the end of this vision (Fedya placing his whole hand over Mushi's head) is in black.” Eliott: “Can’t it simply show the effect Fedya had on Mushi? A feeling of being oppressed and trapped, or something akin to control from a mind that’s greater than his? To me it looks like an allegory of manipulation, but not especially like an ability or something akin to it.” Eliott: “If Mushi saw Fedya use his ability, then he knows his touch means death. Anyway, he knows Fedya is dangerous. Touching someone’s head is a common symbol for either intimacy, fondness or manipulation. Mushi probably knows he can end up killed, and this is a fear that can explain this imagery, and even the manipulation he’s subjected to. The fear of dying is a good motivation for someone. Furthermore, he is still traumatized by the death of his dear friend, so it’d make sense this is very impactful for him, either death or being near / in danger of it? Also, Fedya here looks like how his friend is depicted graphically.” Eliott: “<So,> he doesn’t have to <have experienced this physically before>! Imagining someone threatening touch you is frightening, even if you don’t know they can kill you with one touch. And when speaking of being trapped / manipulated, it’s quite logical to imagine the person that has you trapped touching you, it’s an oppressive image either way.” Lav: “True. (…) One detail that supports this <that Mushi only hallucinated without previously witnessing Fedya’s gesture> is how in Karma’s case Fedya stretched out two fingers (index and middle) to his forehead, much like in a blessing gesture, while Mushi imagines a hand with all fingers fully extended towards his forehead. Also the death touch to Mushi is done with the right hand, while for Karma it’s the left hand??” Eliott: “I still don’t understand that gkflg, I’m wondering if the artist just forgot to draw one right hand ahah”.

Important unexplained details. Everyone’s ability in Dead Apple has an ability gem located on their forehead except: Atsushi’s tiger (nape), Akutagawa’s Rashomon (inside its chest), arguably Dazai’s No Longer Human (inside his chest), and most importantly here Fyodor’s Crime and Punishment (the back of his right hand). Another note, out of all the abilities, only Mori’s Elise, Fukuzawa’s All Men Are Equal and Fyodor’s Crime and Punishment are able to talk or heard talking. One detail unique to Fyodor’s ability and Mori’s ability, though, is that they each have real eyes with irises and pupils, as if they are human, and not just an ability with empty, glowing yellow eyes like in all the other cases, except Atsushi’s tiger. One could surely speculate on why exactly Crime and Punishment has its ability gem placed on its hand, but I want to move on to other topics in this essay. Lastly, on Fyodor’s motto, “Let the hand of God guide you”, see section G.

B. He understands human nature deeply, if not perfectly

Contrary to the popular opinion that Fyodor does not have an ounce of humanity in him or that he cannot understand nor feel human emotions, the canon presents evidence that Fyodor understands other humans and their emotions profoundly. Let us keep in mind the definition of empathy (“the ability to understand other people’s feelings and problems”), as well as the fact that there are different types of empathy, such as affective empathy or cognitive empathy (the latter applying to Fyodor the best). Instead of speculating that Fyodor completely lacks empathy (a lack psychopaths share, and Fyodor’s case proves to be much too complex to simply throw into that spectrum and call it a day; see @tecchous-thicc-buttocks​​ ’s post here, where OP not only has a great post, but also a smashing username AND a superb N.V. Gogol reference in their blog description to laugh your heart out to), I invite you to explore exactly the opposite, namely the idea that he has capacity for perfect empathy and uses it instrumentally to make it suitable for his plans. The canon material showed us many situations that support this (too), as we shall see below.

Fyodor “connects” with others mentally, emotionally and / or spiritually in such an accurate way, that this skill of his is portrayed as bone-chillingly sinister, in scenarios holding starkly contrasting ideas. It is not just about analytically deducing what a person would do next or what would objectively motivate that person, Fyodor knows the depths of people’s hearts, as can be seen in his discussions with Karma, Shibusawa, Nikolai, and the way Fyodor talks about Sigma. I shall present each case in detail in what follows, made into a list of people whose problems Fyodor saw through and responded to adequately.

Karma’s problem was of intellectual nature: to die a slave or a free man, and how those are mutually-exclusive conditions, in regard to which Karma recognized himself trapped in the first condition (slave), but was later “transported” into the second condition (free man) by the circumtances and type of death Fyodor “granted” him. Frequently rationalizing each situation in his inner monologues, pondering each factor and possible outcome analytically and in admirable control of his emotions (as seen throughout the entire ch42), Karma explored, so to say, the “syllogisms” behind what was happening to him too: I want to be saved + I am a bad person + saviours do not save bad persons => I will never be saved; OR I am a bad person + I am not a free person + a saviour can free me by saving me + saviours do not save bad persons => I will never be a free person. Even if the concepts belong to morality discourse, Karma’s approach is straightforward and logical, therefore there is no scene of him begging Fyodor for help, freedom or vengeance, as well as no scene of him even running away from Fyodor: despite being frightened, he was able to withstand his irrational reaction and sought knowledge and clarifications through conversation even in the face of the Demon. Karma was a person who rationalized and accepted his personal condition, and he was all the more shocked that this “slave” condition was dissolved by the events caused by Fyodor. Although Karma had to be killed so that no trace was left by Fyodor, what deserves attention is, on one hand, the fulfillment on Karma’s dying face (dying as a free man), and, on the other hand, how Fyodor gave him privacy when he gave his last breath, as Fyodor is portrayed looking directly at Karma only after he passed away. The fact that Fyodor is portrayed as looking at Karma’s lifeless body afterwards at all can be interpreted as Fyodor contemplating Karma’s end, especially given how in ch42 all background elements vanish in this particular panel, deepening the solemnity of the moment (as @linkspooky​ noted too, together with Fyodor’s understanding and acknowledgement of Karma as a person, worthy of sharing knowledge with, here). And yet the anime (S3ep4) did not insist on this manga panel at all, skipping it entirely. The prayer that Fyodor offered for Karma at the end (“May your soul find salvation… released from the yoke of sin”), while facing him (unlike in the anime, where Fyodor does not look at Karma at all) was the conclusion of Fyodor’s solemn meditation, and I find it a shame that the anime did not linger on this aspect. This scene blends a merciful death with a necessary crime, such contrasts being typical to Fyodor’s character. This prayer for Karma may in fact not be the only one Fyodor offered to those he led to their death by necessity: indeed, Fyodor’s cello recital in front of a captured Katsura in ch47 may have served the same purpose. Given that Fyodor informed fake Pushkin about Atsushi and Kunikida’s arrival, via the telephone, in real-time, we can assume Fyodor knew exactly when the two Agency members clashed with the armed children and when the little girl triggered the detonation of her grenades. After replying to Katsura’s remark, meeting Katsura with the impenetrable grin typical to both him and Dazai, Fyodor recommenced playing with closed eyes and no smile (thus fully immersed), unlike in the anime (S3ep9), where Fyodor never stopped playing in order to talk with Katsura, yet him stopping to play the cello just for that is, in my opinion, very important, as I will try to show here. Fyodor’s cello recital ended with him offering a prayer, which at its end addressed specifically all children of the world (ch47, “Joy to the world… and blessings to all its children”). Therefore, the cello scene carries solemnity, thoughtfulness and emotion, contrasting with the violent sight of the dead children breaking Kunikida’s spirit, and in this light Fyodor’s recital (which Katsura himself did not understand the purpose of, as he was clueless about what was happening outside) becomes a musical prayer for the sacrificed souls. Once again, despite being terribly beautiful in animation and sound indeed, it is a pity the anime depicted this scene in a weirdly ecstatic and stereotypically evil way, giving Fyodor a demonic gaze and grin, as well as making Fyodor face Katsura while playing, despite Fyodor not being turned towards Katsura at all in the manga (ch47), given how he looked at Katsura over his right shoulder (Fyodor’s body position further supports the idea that the recital was not meant for Katsura). As a closing note here, the anime added a specific detail at the scene’s end, one I personally would consider mischaracterization: in the anime, Fyodor broke his cello after the recital, and yet this never happened in the manga, and now we can guess why (Fyodor prays for his innocent victims). See section H for more on Fyodor’s overall gentleness, as well as my previous post about the cello scene here.

Sigma’s problem is of emotional nature: for a man without a past, lacking life itself before he found himself “existing” directly as a young adult (I assume he is a young adult), he was most desperate to fulfill his most basic and primary emotional needs, i.e. having a safe place to call his “home” and belonging to people whom he can call “family”. These are exactly the things Fyodor offered to Sigma right from the start, as if anticipating his arrival in that state, but Fyodor also praised and described Sigma for Dazai (ch75) in a very positive, heartfelt way that also implies Fyodor’s admiration for Sigma, as well as acknowledges a certain superiority Sigma has, even compared to Fyodor and Dazai themselves. Depending on the true nature of Fyodor’s relation to Sigma, as well as Sigma’s true nature in itself, I assume this point here will change in nuance in the future, but in the present the canon tells Fyodor has read Sigma’s heart like an open book. I refrain from adding more to this paragraph until new chapters give me new ground for it.

Nikolai’s problem is of philosophical and spiritual nature: the very fact that Fyodor could understand Nikolai’s core problem, his central existential dilemma, not to mention how quickly Fyodor grasped it, is something that both elevated and destabilized Nikolai. Fyodor rightfully explained that Nikolai fights God “in order to lose sight of himself” (ch78), which, theologically-speaking, is very much accurate from a Christian perspective: a human’s highest and final goal is to “see God”, to return to where man was exiled from (heaven, the Fatherland or patria in Latin, the future heavenly Jerusalem etc.) and, once there, to contemplate God eternally, finally reunited with their Creator and seeing “face to face” (see 1 Corinthians 13:12). That is, because there is where man’s real nature lies, where it came from and belongs to, but also man being created in the image and likeness of God (see Genesis 1:26), together with a Platonic and Neoplatonic philosophical legacy, led to a tradition of interpretations (part of our overall cultural heritage) where man’s divine part (or God himself) resides deep within the human soul: therefore, introspection or contemplating one’s own self holds incredible importance. Nikolai fighting God “in order to lose sight of himself” is a very well-chosen line for Fyodor and a great way of presenting (a glimpse of) the depth of Nikolai’s soul to the readers, one that opens many possible interpretations, not just the one offered above. Nonetheless, Fyodor’s response is particularly disturbing, because he calmly stated what frightens and enrages Nikolai the most: the fact that the sight of God is, in the end, the sight of himself, his true self, and “fighting against God” inevitably becomes “fighting against himself” too. So what is left when Nikolai fights against this truth? What is left must be what is unique to Nikolai as a being, if there is anything like that at all. So far in the manga, it seems Nikolai struggles desperately with the concept of the “omniscient God”, who possesses knowledge of past, present and future as well, which opens the particular Pandora’s box of “predetermination vs human free will”, a monstruous philosophical problem as old as time (or at least heavily discussed ever since Ancient Greek philosophy and Early Christianity too). One must note that, by answering like this, Fyodor essentially denied Nikolai the success of his mission, but granted him the rare gift or rare curse of being fully understood by someone else. One truth too much, the resulting emotional impact on Nikolai was disastruous, as Nikolai appears to be a person of high sensitivity, very susceptible to the power of words and how they plant ideas in his mind. Even if Fyodor’s response is not malicious in words (see, however, section H, about the meaning of the tilt of his head and how this scene is an example of intentional emotional manipulation), this interaction was profoundly unhealthy and destabilizing for Nikolai, which I would argue is well in the spirit of N.V. Gogol’s characters, having their spirits frequently broken by the most mundane things which nonetheless go beyond what they are capable to live with (read The Overcoat, Nevsky Prospekt first half, even Diary of a Madman).

Shibusawa’s problem was of personal nature, linked to his past: not only the Mayoi cards, but also the entirety of the Dead Apple movie make it clear that Shibusawa and Fyodor were long-time acquaintances before the fog incident in Yokohama happened. The most objective proof on this are Shibusawa’s words themselves, when telling Fyodor (in the Draconia room, in Dazai’s presence) that it was thanks to Fyodor selling information to Shibusawa that the fog incidents could happen, and in Yokohama too at such an impresive scale. Since Shibusawa told Dazai he did not find “having friends” necessary (since everyone was like a open book to him), I will refrain from calling the personal relationship between Fyodor and Shibusawa “friendship”. Now then, later on, despite being surprised by the ability-gathering Dragon event triggering after he approached Dazai’s “ability gem”, Shibusawa was not angry nor shocked when Fyodor cut his throat: Shibusawa immediately realized he found his most important personal memory as a consequence of Fyodor killing him or, rather, Fyodor “granting” him death once again. Here, too, two contrasting images combine: 1) Fyodor offering “death” as a “gift” or “blessing” that gives Shibusawa exactly what he needed most, and 2) Fyodor essentially killing his old acquaintance, but with the twist that Fyodor was aware Shibusawa would not die yet, quite the contrary – as a result of Fyodor putting a fragment of the crystal that gathers all abilities on the skull’s forehead (as a “small gift”, as Fyodor called it), Shibusawa was revived and enjoyed one last “epic battle” and then died a truly fulfilled person. In fact, Dazai predicted this outcome in the very first scene with the three of them at the table in Dead Apple, telling Shibusawa he is the one in need of “salvation”: Shibusawa then asked Dazai “And exactly who do you propose could save me?”, to which Dazai answered “Who knows? An angel, perhaps? Or, maybe, a demon” (then Fyodor enters the scene; note that I cite the dub version and that, at the end of Shibusawa’s and Atsushi’s battle, Shibusawa’s last words to Atsushi were “(…) The meaning of that man’s <Fyodor’s> words. I understand all of it now. It’s you! You must be the angel who has come to save me”). Anyway, the movie leaves several interesting questions unaswered: could Fyodor have granted death to Shibusawa, and therefore give him his most important memory back, at any time, or was the whole Yokohama setting necessary? If the latter, was it necessary for Shibusawa or necessary for Fyodor, and Fyodor acted only when their distinct goals aligned? In any case, allow me to expose something very intriguing in the next lines. After Fyodor granted Shibusawa death by cutting his throat in a single swift knife attack, the moment Shibusawa’s memory of his first death returned overlapped with the moment Atsushi’s memory of the same event returned to him as well. In the flashback, Shibusawa stated that he conducted those ability extraction experiments on Atsushi – specifically, Shibusawa pressed the switch – because “a Russian man” told him Atsushi’s “power was coveted by every gifted in the world”. Later, Shibusawa added “the Russian’s name was Fyodor”. This makes all events align in such a way that one could speculate Fyodor was leading Shibusawa and everyone involved with him (Ango and the government) down that precise path we see reach its end in the Dead Apple movie. This makes Fyodor’s words from ch42 all the more relevant: “People can be so simple… They truly believe they are thinking for themselves. (…) They don’t want to think they’re being led by the nose”; or, in S3ep4’s dub: “People are eager to believe that they are acting with free will, that they know best. (…) We all loathe to believe we can be controlled”. One last thing to note and analyse here: as Fyodor walked away alone on the hallway and the Dragon got unleashed, he had a “conversation” with Shibusawa’s skull:

Fyodor (sub): “I’ll tell you an interesting fact, in celebration of you finding a friend in me.” Fyodor (dub): “In thanks of our newfound friendship, I’ll offer you a bite from the apple of knowledge.”

Fyodor and his ability then delivered their famous “I am crime. I am punishment” dialogue. While there are significant wording differences between the versions cited above, how Fyodor referred to “friendship” here is mocking and ironic, so the nature of the bond between him and Shibusawa (beyond that of “informant and information buyer”) remains debatable. It is beautiful how the dub version of the line offers a splendid example of godly and demonic imagery blending in the character of Fyodor. In a Christian cultural context, two precise ideas come to mind simultaneously when hearing Fyodor’s line: 1) it was God who created everything, including the first humans (Adam, then Eve) in Eden, amongst all the fruit-bearing trees, giving them rules as to what they could consume or not (the power and authority “to offer” something rightfully was God’s, being the one to give and take away, to reference  Job, 1, 21), but also 2) it was the Devil who “offered” Eve such a bite, tempting her through suggesting she should eat from the forbidden fruits of the tree of knowledge of good and evil (the infamous “suggestion” was the Devil’s, making a forbidden “offer” that was actually a transgression). It is unclear to which of these two ideas Fyodor is closer, and it may as well be possible he is equally close to both, further encompasing contradicting traits. Nonetheless, given that Karma himself introduced the yet unresolved theme of “transcending human nature” and “transcending good and evil” in relation to Fyodor’s character (ch42, Karma: “Ace was evil, but this guy isn’t even that. He’s some kind of nirvana. Something that transcends mankind itself…”), this particular line from Dead Apple supports Karma’s observations and how Fyodor’s character combines the ideas of creator and destroyer, like @looking-for-stray-dogs put into beautiful words here. This only becomes more interesting when we consider the archetype or role of the “servant of God”, which Fyodor consciously claims to fulfill (see section F below).

Kunikida: Yes, you read that correctly. While Ivan and Nathaniel are, as of now, total wildcards and I do not have enough information as to objectively describe their situation or how Fyodor won them over or “read their souls”, Kunikida’s case is the perfect example of Fyodor’s understanding of a person being so deep and accurate that he knew exactly what actions would cause them to break and render them useless for a significant period of time. Moreover, Kunikida’s case becomes even more intriguing if we remember that Fyodor successfully read his nature without even meeting him. Well, that would be the introduction to this minisection about Kunikida, but frankly I did not have enough time nor energy to dig deeper into this as of now. Perhaps in the future I will update this part with information and links to several great analysis posts I am sure Kunikida fans wrote out already, with their whole heart in them.

These examples share the fact that Fyodor accurately reads the intellectual (Karma), emotional (Sigma), philosophical and spiritual (Nikolai) layers of the human heart, as well as is capable of perfectly adapting to one’s personal baggage on the long term (Shibusawa). This means he posseses an extraordinary capacity for empathy, but, as he never loses his composure (except for small instances of surprise or adrenaline rush, like in ch46 and ch53), his willpower controls every single gesture and reaction he makes, which makes him a terrifying foe who has complete control over himself, never overreacts and thus seems soulless (ch42). His understanding of human nature fiels his skill to deduce future actions and thoughts of other people, which in turn may deepen Fyodor’s individualism or trigger his eventual alienation (paired with perceiving humans as “boring” because they are predictable, to which Dazai disagreed in ch77, albeit it must be noted that this is only an assumption Dazai made about Fyodor, that is not entirely supported by the canon dialogues; see section E), as well as encourage Fyodor to use others as predictable (and therefore reliable) pawns in his plans. Again, Fyodor’s character combines two very contrasting yet interdependent things in his strategies: acknowledging others as humans (with individual problems) firstly, and using them as instruments when necessary, on that basis (as Fyodor becomes their problem-solver). This shows both how versatile and accepting Fyodor is as a thinker and leader (see also section C). Theoretically speaking, could Fyodor use Dazai as a pawn, if Dazai is completely alien from being human? But that would open another massive collective essay on what is going on inside Dazai’s soul and mind, as the fandom so often and so admirably tried to figure out already. Personally, I am a firm believer in Dazai’s humanity, and if Fyodor can indeed understand it all the way to its core, then one may wonder if Dazai’s humanity will be his downfall.

C. He values independence and (most probably) his co-workers

Continuing on the previous paragraph’s line of thought, here’s the catch: it is important to keep in mind that Fyodor nevertheless seems to treat certain “pawns” differently, perhaps considering them closer to him in some regard. People Fyodor refers to as “his staff” (and, in ch64, the faces of Ivan and Pushkin appear as examples) may be a matter of genuine concern to him, enough so that Fyodor asks Dazai how to make his subordinates less dependent on Fyodor: “My staff show no independence. All they do is wait for orders. How can I make them into good workers who take the initiative?” (ch64). To me, this question, even just as a light-hearted example for the sake of their shared prison mindgames, is plain shocking coming from someone always thought of as using people like tools and discarding them like broken puppets. As a first thought, to my stupefaction, Fyodor really took into consideration the independence of even his lower-ranking “pawns” as something worthy of a question, and valuable enough as to lament its lack. However, on later inspection I came to understand that Fyodor’s entire “roooooundtable” session from ch64 is in fact more like an icosahedron with razor-sharp edges (I mean, complex and slick), and can be taken both or either literally (like in this section I took Fyodor’s words literally) or figuratively, assuming Fyodor and Dazai’s answers as being each a substitution for something else entirely. Until I reach that point further down this section, there are more examples that refer to Fyodor’s perception of his co-workers (note: for the manga, my points of reference are the official English translations):

1) in Dead Apple, Fyodor celebrated what he called the “newfound friendship” between him and Shibusawa in Dead Apple, thus calling Shibusawa a “friend”, which is further supported if we take into consideration certain BSD Mayoi card descriptions (“Dragon Head Feud” card description, or “Bundled up” card quote: “Oh my, it seems that Dazai-kun and Nakajima Atsushi-kun have managed to evade us today. Well, if Shibusawa-kun is happy, then I'm happy. I'm his friend, after all.”); however, if put back in the larger context, the benevolent character of this statement is debatable (see section B);

2) in ch42, Fyodor told Ace “My friends have taken over the outside corridors”, thus directly referring to his Rats in the House of the Dead as “friends”, even if the fact itself was a lie to pressure Ace towards his suicide;

3) in ch95.5, silently agreed to considering Nikolai a friend when Dazai complimented Nikolai’s prison game idea. There are two instances where Dazai mocked Fyodor about having a nice friend in Nikolai, both of them in this chapter, and only in the second one Fyodor played along, agreeing to Dazai’s claim, but one has to bear in mind that the two could have been mocking each other in both instances:

Nikolai, ch95.5 (fan translation): “The wish to save my friend is indeed very difficult to falter. That’s why I need to shatter this determination, such to prove the free will of homo sapiens!” Dazai: “Seems like… you have a nice friend…” Fyodor: “…” – Nikolai (after a few lines): “From now on, you two will be participating in a jail break duel!” Dazai: “You indeed have a very good friend.” Fyodor: “I know, right?”

Leaving the debate open as to whether Fyodor is genuine when using the term “friend” overall (see also bsd-bibliophile’s post here, further inspecting Fyodor and Nikolai’s interactions, as well as mentioning one instance of the term “friend”, used by Fyodor for Pushkin, being present in the fan translation, but not in the original Japanese text per se), all this information nonetheless supports the fact that Fyodor himself may not be oppressive towards others, and that his methods rather rely on communication, negotiation and manipulation. Indeed, strangely enough, for example when approaching someone new with the intent to work with them, Fyodor’s ways are all “clean talk”: no torture, no physical abuse, no threats, no intimidation or humiliation, no blood as of now (on the possibility of brainwashing, see section D below). Instead, Fyodor becomes the ideal smooth-talker and deal-maker when first recruiting others, perfectly reading into their soul and appealing to their most intimate desires (see section B above, as well as @gold-pavilion​​ / akai-koutei ’s post here /oldhere, and there was a beautiful addition by @/goddessesofeverything here, but all reblogs of the original post were deleted and I cry). When approaching a clear target, however, there can be freshly spilt blood, for example 1) Mori getting stabbed (ch46), 2) Katai getting shot (ch49), and 3) Shibusawa getting his throat cut open (Dead Apple), in each case the action being done directly by Fyodor (firing the gun or holding the respective knives with his own hands). Lastly, if we take into consideration how Fyodor played along with Nikolai’s puns in vol.14’s omake, and how highly and affectionately he spoke about Sigma in ch74 and ch75, Fyodor’s actual dynamics with his subordinates or fellow Decay of the Angel members could potentially surprise the reader in future updates, because his polite and discreet nature do not seem to be a mere façade.

Another point needs to be addressed here, and it is whether or not we can safely use the word “care” to sum up Fyodor’s relationship towards his close co-workers (thank you, Sel @oddeyesight​​, for your questions that led me towards considering this aspect in more detail). First of all, one needs to acknowledge there are persons Fyodor worked with and then disposed of in the most indubitable way, like the mafioso he forced information from in ch51, indirectly all children in ch47 and directly the little girl with the grenades, whom he talked to via telephone prior to the events. Secondly, compared to them, there are characters that are closer to Fyodor, which Fyodor refers to as “friends” (so far, this applies to Pushkin, Ivan, Nathaniel, and indirectly consenting to calling Nikolai a friend; see the paragraph above). Looking at definitions of the noun “care” – “the process of looking after someone” and “the process of doing things to keep something in good condition and working correctly” (Longman dictionary) – the first definition I give as an example here can imply affection, whereas the second definition does not, and refers to an impartial instrumental approach. So far, from what I gathered, there is no canon basis to claim Fyodor cares about someone else in the first definition’s sense, only in the second. Until future manga chapters may or may not change this, I propose looking at Fyodor from another viewpoint: in relation to the antonym of “care” (neglect), and a closely-related noun, indifference. For this task I propose starting with the following scene from ch74, when Dazai deduced the Sky Casino’s origin and purpose:

Dazai: “It was made for two goals. As a base for the next terror attack and as “payment” for the use of Sigma’s skill. …Never waste a thing, do you?” Fyodor: “Our boss does hate to be wasteful.”

By saying “Never waste a thing, do you?”, Dazai implied that Fyodor executed all the steps he deduced, yet Fyodor shaked this claim off, directing Dazai’s remark toward someone Fyodor called “our boss”. We, as readers, naturally think of Fukuchi, who is the leader of the Decay of the Angel in title, but I dare say the entire fandom does not buy this, as in everything else Fyodor still acts like the puppeteer determining the actions of all the group’s members, whether they know it (Nikolai and Sigma) or not (Fukuchi probably and Bram). Fyodor humbling himself and downplaying his importance is a recurring behaviour of his, in varying depictions such as in ch46 (Fyodor to Dazai: “I will not be the one who will bring down your two groups. It will be you yourselves”), in ch73’s cover artwork of Sigma holding cards (where Fyodor is not an Ace, not even a King, he is but a Jack of Spades), in ch77 (Fyodor to Dazai: “Me? I didn’t do anything. I just sat here and prayed… and those prayers were answered”; see section F for more). This aside, hiding the identity of Fyodor’s “boss” had at least two purposes: 1) keeping Fukuchi’s double identity hidden (both the Hunting Dogs leader and the Decay of the Angel leader) and 2) redirecting not only Dazai’s, but our attention too. Since Fyodor and Dazai imagine their actions as if within a mental game of chess, let us reconsider the fates of Fyodor’s pieces so far, which include both the Decay of the Angel members and the Rats in the House of the Dead:

1) Pushkin was apparently captured and eliminated from the “chess game” (lost piece, used and then captured by the enemy in ch53), and yet he is alive and well, even shamelessly spilling information to Ranpo to save his own skin, while being interrogated (ch54), providing him with the lead on Mushitaro. Despite leaking information, so far nobody was sent to “clean” Pushkin off the table (as in Mushitaro’s case, whom Nikolai said he was assigned to kill off at the end of ch56). Pushkin leaking information may be intentional as part of Fyodor’s plans, which means Pushkin’s role likely did not meet its end yet.

2) Ivan was apparently captured and eliminated from the “chess game” (lost piece, used and then captured by the enemy in ch53), and yet Ivan survived and is probably held somewhere alive; also, Ivan’s loyalty and “happiness” never wavered, not even when in Rashomon’s tight grip (ch53), which means his trust in Fyodor remained unchanged and he did not abandon his role of Fyodor’s servant and “head chamberlain” (ch52).

3) Mushitaro was, most probably, really supposed to die (sacrificed piece, used and then disposed of: died in an exploding car after Nikolai’s surprise attack in ch56), yet he is still alive, last seen (iirc) safe in Poe’s mansion in ch78.5 (vol.18 bonus chapter at the end). Since Fyodor sent Nikolai to dispose of Mushitaro, it is rather clear Fyodor was not indifferent to Mushitaro staying alive, and now this is a loose end, one where Mushitaro survived and we do not know if this scenario has already been integrated in one of Fyodor’s larger schemes or if it will serve against Fyodor somehow later.

4) Nikolai was apparently supposed to die (sacrificed piece, used and then disposed of: sawed in half in ch58), and yet he is very much alive and already influenced the current events of the manga drastically. Furthermore, in ch95.5, when Nikolai started explaining his prison game, Fyodor replied “So that’s what you’re planning”, as if the two already agreed upon Nikolai doing “something”, and apparently that “something” remained a surprise to Fyodor, hence his reply was phrased as a conclusion. Note how Nikolai’s action remaining a surprise reinforce Nikolai’s freedom and agency, and Fyodor allowed this and played along, despite how accurate to his character it would be to have deduced Nikolai’s possible actions already. Then again, it could be that Fyodor knew that Nikolai had to hear precisely that kind of reaction, in order to continue playing a role Fyodor secretly predicted for him. Later, in ch98, after Nikolai’s prison game started, when Fyodor was waiting for Chuuya to arrive, Nikolai asked him “It’s been five minutes since the game started. You aren’t gonna move? Can I take that to assume… your pieces are already moving?”. If Nikolai’s prison game is an independent consequence of him independently choosing not to die, then why would Nikolai smile as if in agreement with Fyodor, supposing that everything went as planned? The problem of free will remains unresolved and tightly knit into Nikolai’s character even in the current events.

5) Sigma was apparently supposed to die (sacrificed piece, used and then disposed of: shot by Nathaniel in ch76), and just like Nikolai he is very much alive and playing a crucial role still unknown to us (in a conversation with Alex @vampireonastick​​ I suggested that Sigma being on Dazai’s side of the prison game might be a well-disguised infiltration strategy already planned out by Fyodor, with whom Nikolai cooperates on this, despite Nikolai’s “sidequest” to kill Fyodor); we have an important hint as to how Sigma’s death was never required by Fyodor’s plan: the “roooooundtable” from ch64. It is indeed highly probable that the entire “all-smiles problem-solving rooooundtable” session proposed and moderated by Fyodor was his masked suggestion (masked from the guards!) of creating a unique substitution code that only he and Dazai would be able to communicate in, as @fantastic-rambles analysed more in-depth here. And just like @mydearestt​​ noticed in this post here that, through his reply, Dazai in fact referred to his plan to make the Agency move, the same can be assumed in Fyodor’s case. To remember the dialogue, I shall copy the revelant part here below:

Dazai: “Me next. “I tried asking the café waitress out, but she won’t bend an inch. What should I do?” Fyodor: “Make her lose her job and home, trick her family into disowning her and she’s bound to come crawling to you.”

I propose reading this sequence as referring to Sigma entirely, because: 1) Sigma, much like a waitress, was contained and bound to his workplace, the casino, unwilling to leave once there, no matter who asked; 2) Fyodor set up the entire scenario of making Sigma lose his job AND home in the most literal sense by completely destabilizing the casino; 3) by doing unbecoming irreversible actions, Sigma secured his own family rejecting him, and all ties were cut with Sigma’s “death”, yet Sigma survived – equally destabilized, he ended up in a situation where, if Fyodor would have granted him another wish, Sigma would not have refused, naturally seeking the one person who may still have power to grant wishes as grand and Sigma’s, and that is still Fyodor, who both gave and took Sigma’s home. This being said, like Alex @vampireonastick​ theorized in their post here, I strongly believe Dazai strategically manipulates Sigma in the prison game, “shaping” him to defy Fyodor, the person he would otherwise “crawl back to”. However, since Fyodor chooses his words with utmost care all the time, no matter if truthful or deceiving, I personally doubt Fyodor would carelessly share his strategy (disguised as the grimest relationship advice) without it already being implemented into a larger scheme, in which Dazai acts upon the words he hears from Fyodor (and Dazai already did so twice in this arc, firstly by choosing Sigma, secondly by “building up” Sigma for his eventual refusal of Fyodor). What Dazai perhaps does not expect is the fact that Fyodor himself already talked to Sigma in ways that reinforce Sigma’s agency: for example, in ch73, Fyodor directly told Sigma that, should the Hunting Dogs attack the casino, Sigma should run as he would have no chance of winning; Sigma, on the contrary, remembering Fyodor’s words – not once, but twice in the chapter –, was pushed only more vehemently to defending his casino, thus acting on his own and defying Fyodor already, a reaction Fyodor most likely anticipated when making Sigma hear his “advice as a co-worker” (in Fyodor’s own words, ch73). In the end, regardless of the content of Fyodor’s words, it seems his kidnapper from ch42 offered honest advice to Karma: “Watch out… If you talk to him, he’ll pluck your mind out”. Despite how there is no proof of an actual “plucking of the mind” action yet (see section D), Fyodor’s words (often, if not always) twist the minds of those around him in a way that, paradoxically, both acknowledges and denies them their free will, encouraging decisions that seem free to the agent, but are already predicted and known to Fyodor (and in this, I must admit, Fyodor bears a resemblance to an omniscient god; however, his canon dialogues often convey a different role, a tension I discus in section F). In this light, I wonder if Dazai had this behaviour before too and acted upon words he heard from Fyodor in previous instances, such as the Mutual Destruction arc.

6) Nathaniel was apparently eliminated from the “chess game” entirely (sacrificed piece, used and then disposed of: captured in Anne’s room of no return in ch76), yet this does not imply he is dead, which begs the question if Anne’s room, the Agency’s only true safe space, is now compromised, as me and Alex wondered here (see also the reblogs and replies to their post).

One thing I want to remark here is that, despite how clear it is that Fyodor “moved” all these “chess pieces” already (only number 3 to 6 are relevant in this case), in ch76, right after Nathaniel got captured, as Atsushi and Lucy were celebrating their victory, Ango explained to them how the events at the casino were no victory, and how instead everything played as Fyodor has planned, claiming that Fyodor has not made any move yet:

Ango, ch76: “We lost because you let Sigma die. Now we have no leads to the Page. And… the Hunting Dogs saw us try to rescue him. In their eyes, that likely looked like the Detective Agency helping their terrorist allies. Our plan failed and we’ve only sowed more doubt. This is likely exactly as Dostoyevsky planned. Frankly… I can’t stop shaking. Until now, he moved none of his pawns and gave us no room to deal with him. (…)”

As I shall leave Ango analysis to Alex @vampireonastick​ like in this post here, I will return to the fact that so far the only true “chess piece” that Fyodor ever truly let die was Shibusawa. Then, to sum up, when his co-workers fulfilled their purpose and no use nor entertainment can be obtained from them anymore, Fyodor’s pattern seems to be leaving said co-workers with apparent indifference to their well-being, often abandoning them in a state or situation that is destructive to them (Shibusawa is the clearest example, but it applies to all other aforementioned characters as well). However, the twist is that none of these characters did reach the end of their assigned roles yet (and we may wonder if they will ever do that), given that Pushkin, Ivan, Nikolai, Sigma, Nathaniel and even Mushitaro are all alive and healthy. Consindering all this, the way BSD is narrated becomes even more interesting, because the reader would naturally project treating others as expendable on Fyodor, where in fact it is more accurate to Dazai’s character to act this way (and he did and does act that way, as @linkspooky​ pointed out in detail in their post here). Back to Fyodor’s “our boss does hate to be wasteful” line, while still just an interpretation, it would make sense that Fyodor refers to himself or his ability (if it’s a separate conscious being, see section G) as “our boss”, because all this information suggests that Fyodor himself hates to be wasteful, and that, excepting Shibusawa, Fyodor never wasted even a single pawn of his. That means Fyodor never neglects his co-workers (whom he calls friends!) and is never truly indifferent to them, albeit in an instrumental way, given that there is no proof yet that Fyodor’s care towards his co-workers is affectionate in nature. Let us close this section with a treat, though: in ch51 and ch53, there are two panels of a teacup with three teaspoons to its left. Differing greatly from the anime, albeit delivering the same subtle deception, these three teaspoons help in fooling the reader into thinking that Ivan poured tea in Fyodor’s cup, placed the teacup in front of him and then Fyodor consumed that tea, together with the jam that filled all three teaspoons at first (ch51). Given that 1) Ivan prepared the tea with three teaspoons of jam and 2) at the restaurant, Fyodor drank his tea exactly like that, with three teaspoons of jam, from this we can deduce Ivan is very familiar with Fyodor’s tea-drinking habits, which in turn leads us to the very likely idea that Fyodor and Ivan (if not also together with other members of the Rats in the House of the Dead) frequently had tea together, or Ivan prepared tea for Fyodor often enough to memorize his precise habits. The latter would support Ivan’s self-proclaimed status as Fyodor’s “head chamberlain” (ch52), suggesting that their group lived as family and / or nobility in the same house, if the definition of “chamberlain” is taken into consideration (Longman Dictionary: “chamberlain, an important official who managed the house of a king or queen in the past”).

D. No confirmation yet that he is brainwashing others and why this is relevant

Speaking of his methods of acquiring new collaborators, so far, it is most certain that Fyodor is not brainwashing people: not Fukuchi, not Nikolai, not Sigma, not Karma, not Pushkin, and certainly not the little girl with the grenades, even though the anime depicted the scene differently (in the manga’s ch47, a flashback appears where Fyodor talks to the little girl via telephone, thus he does not simply appear in her clouded mind like in the anime’s S3ep9).

But two characters Fyodor works with are in a very ambiguous position as of now: Ivan and Nathaniel. To begin with, Ivan’s case is very tricky at the moment. In ch53, he openly told Akutagawa that “my master cut out all the parts of his brain that feel unhappiness”. What can I say except our dear Vanya here is a lil’ crazy. I find his replies rather unreliable at the moment, because he is the only Fyodor-subordinate who is behaving like an intoxicated bacchant for now. While the ch53 quote is singular and, therefore, I cannot make anything of it, there is another thing that needs to be considered: in ch52, as he was walking away from Akutagawa and Atsushi, Ivan told them “I will not forget you. …No… You will now serve as part of my master’s joyful order”, but immediately after that he added “after 10 more steps, I will most likely forget your faces”. Apparent self-contradiction aside, whether he meant “forget your faces” literally or not, Nathaniel, too, went through an apparent mind-reset, as he did not recognize Akutagawa in ch46 and appears to have lost his entire personality except for his devotion to Margaret Mitchell and his determination to save her life. Now, mind-resetting and brainwashing are not the same, and removing a part of one’s brain or mind that is responsible for a specific emotion is, likewise, something entirely different. The manga did not give us further examples of similar things that Fyodor apparently had a role to play in, so I cannot present anything new here, only speculation. We also do not know if these effects are caused by Fyodor himself (without using his ability at all, much like he could simply talk Ace into his own suicide in ch42) or Fyodor’s ability specifically. This simply limits my current analysis of Fyodor’s methods to the beforementioned “communication, negotiation, manipulation” trio, which is not dependent nor related to his ability, and I will update these parts if the manga later reveals that Fyodor did indeed mold the conscience or minds of other people into whatever shape or state he desired. Until then, he is literally just a genius smooth-talker, and I refrain from making rash affirmations or going into more speculation here.

E. He loves and lives for entertainment

So many canon lines convey Fyodor’s love for entertainment. It is more specifically entertainment in a “good literature” sense, meaning conflict, tension, intensity of will and emotions, devotion, despair and generally human beings fighting for their needs or to solve their problems of many different, often opposing kinds. Let us take Fyodor’s own words as references. First of all, at the beginning of the Dead Apple movie, as younger Chuuya destroyes the entire building in which he and Dazai found Shibusawa the first time, Fyodor watched the scene from a safe distance, on top of a building. All he did was “absorb” the whole event with utter satisfaction, concluding the scene with his line “This is too much fun”. The motif is repeated several times in the Dead Apple movie, linking his own enjoyment of whatever chaos unfolds to “fun” and “entertainment”, so this line is not the sole evidence that entertainment is greatly valued by Fyodor, as it is the thing opposed to boredom, which constantly eats away at his and Dazai’s hearts because of their superhuman intellect. As Fyodor was getting the two most important ability gems ready for his and Dazai’s plan, Fyodor tells Dazai “Would you not agree that the more entertainment there is, the better?” (dub); moreover, at the end of the movie, his lines highlight the privileged spot of “entertainment” in his understanding of the world around him again:

Fyodor (sub): “Everything is but entertainment. But in order to end this world, rife with crime and punishment, I do need that book. The blank novel sleeping in this town.” Fyodor (dub):“Everything is just entertainment. However, this world is so rife with crime and punishment… In order to finally end it, I do need that novel. This special book that sleeps somewhere within this city.”

However, paying close attention to his words, we need to consider the possibility that in this instance Dead Apple either contradicts or deceives the watcher greatly, because in the manga Fyodor’s goal is clearly referring to “saving the world”, not “ending the world” (see also section G, near the end, for more on Fyodor’s possible motivation).

Now, in the manga (ch63), Fyodor stated that he openly refused to devise a perfect plan (as demanded by another Decay of the Angel member, possibly Fukuchi) because perfection is boring (Fyodor, ch63: “A Decay comrade asked me for the perfect plan… but perfect is so boring. I won’t be able to view the karma of humanity like this”). While at first glance one could be surprised by this statement, especially considering that “God prefers perfection and harmony”, in Fyodor’s own words from ch77 (see section G where I expand on this specifically), both lines (perfection is boring + God favours perfection) could potentially be extremely deceiving: since the Agency knows Fyodor is involved in crafting the Decay of the Angel’s plan, it is probably this implication that leads, for example, Kyouka in ch63 to tell Atsushi that their plan is “extensive and flawless”, and Atsushi’s inner monologue, as a response, appears together with a panel of a faceless Fyodor pulling strained strings in the darkness. If everyone expects Fyodor to be perfect and to create flawless strategies, an opponent like Dazai could include unpredictable, irrational or impulsive actions in his own strategies to outsmart him, as Dazai describes his appreciative acknowledgement of this behaviour he finds in other people (Dazai to Fyodor, ch77: “What’s driving the world are those in the storm of accidental events who scream, run and spill blood. Faced with their souls, you and I should be petrified with fear”; more on this specific dialogue in the next paragraph). But knowing this reaction would be triggered, Fyodor could always integrate imperfections in his plans, leaving his opponents with the impression that they act in the right way, on their free will, when in fact nothing they do has not been already considered by Fyodor (holding true to his lines from ch42). Personality-wise, the “perfection is boring” line becomes relevant if (and only if) Fyodor really, truly means it literally, and 1) does not say it just to tell what his opponent(s) (or the reader themselves) would want or expect to hear, without meaning it, or 2) does not say it as some kind of reverse-psychology, without personal attachment, to trigger predictable reactions in his opponent(s) (again, see section G for a continuation of this particular discussion). As a last example to support the idea of Fyodor loving entertainment, finding both fun and beauty in it, when a very shocked Dazai was asking Fyodor about the reason (“for what?”) for his stupefying strategic moves (the coin bombs, staging the casino as the battleground etc.), Fyodor only replied “Isn’t it more beautiful that way?”.

Now, ch77 presents us with a dialogue between Fyodor and Dazai which seems easy to understand at first, but becomes increasingly complex the more one dwells on it. To remember the full context clearly again, I shall sum it up and add the full relevant quote here: after Fyodor told Dazai that “God favours perfection and harmony”, after which it is confirmed that the Page was also used for changing all the world’s police and investigative agencies not to act upon evidence of someone framing the Agency, a parallel is shown with Tachihara who, inside his heart, decided to finally identify fully as part of the Port Mafia, exiting the inner state of being a Hunting Dog (military police force), thus existing the Page’s influence. Tachihara’s situation exemplifies what Dazai then explains to Fyodor:

Dazai, ch77: “Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Siding with God sure didn’t teach you much!” Fyodor: “…Let’s hear it.” Dazai: “‘Perfection and harmony’? To God, those amount to a hill of beans. I saw it many times. All HE offers is happenstance and absurdity. A weakness… shared by the two of us… For all our ingenious plans, in the end we’ve wound up here, in a deep-level prison. What’s driving the world are those in the storm of accidental events who scream, run and spill blood. Faced with their souls, you and I should be petrified with fear. (after POV change to Tachihara) You’re right. People are sinful and foolish. But… they aren’t as boring as you think they are.”

In Dazai’s dialogue, I put in bold two quotes that need to be inspected. The first one refers to Dazai pointing out a weakness the two geniuses share, which refers to the primacy of the accidental in reality, as opposed to the predictability both Fyodor and Dazai operate with in all their plans, which can make the world seem trapped in an inescapable causality rationally-accesible to those with an intellect such as theirs. Dazai “bets” against Fyodor on this cruel primacy of “happenstance and absurdity”, where reason fails to follow the exact consequences of each event or human action, and yet the nuances and risks of this “bet” I already exposed in the paragraph above. In this context, Dazai seems indeed to talk about this weakness in an admirative, even hopeful tone, despite the fact that he shares it; for a brilliant exposition on Dazai (both the author and his BSD counterpart) in relation to sin and weakness, I wholeheartedly recommend reading Kat’s (@pompompurin1028​​) essay here. When Dazai stated this, a flashback to Odasaku’s fight with André Gide is shown, which can be interpreted as that one time Dazai’s predictions held true, yet still Odasaku chose to fight Gide, fully aware of the end, driven only by what I would call here human subjective drive. Such human subjective drive, independent from reason and logic, is what awakened in Tachihara as well: if Odasaku served as an example of “defeating” Dazai by exploiting his vulnerability to the (uncontrollable) accidental, then Tachihara served as an example of “defeating” Fyodor’s precautious plans by unexpectedly exiting the Page’s influence. In the end, this parallel can become unbalanced if Fyodor already included this kind of variables in his plans and works not ignoring, but embracing human individuality and spontaneity, which I would argue is (paradoxically) more likely the case, for what I exposed in sections B and C. 

As for the second quote I put in bold, there are at least the following examples that render Dazai’s assumption (that Fyodor considers people boring) untrue: 1) in ch75, Fyodor openly praised Sigma, carefully examining his personal torment, placing him not only above the Hunting Dogs, but also above Dazai and himself, as well as “all of creation” ; 2) in ch78, in a flashback, as a reaction to (presumably listening to) Nikolai’s inner struggle, Fyodor replied “That’s wonderful”, smiling and tilting his head (see section B, as well as H for the significance of the tilt of the head); 3) in ch80, Fyodor described the Agency “as beautiful as the evening sunlight (…)”. If people are indeed boring to Fyodor, he would not find their struggles and states worthy of deeper consideration, lengthy speeches of praise or expressive, poetic comparisons (admittedly with a dash of pity and sarcasm towards the fate of the Agency). So far, Fyodor is never shown expressing boredom in the presence of other people, quite the contrary: he is shown expressing sincere interest, as if each human is a case study, an enigma to be unravelled, much like Fyodor himself is to me, and to us within the BSD community (therefore I chose that specific fragment from F.M. Dostoyevsky’s letters to start my essay with, as a motto; there is much more to be said about that, but I reserve that for another possible future essay, where it would be necessary to discuss Fyodor’s character in light of his corresponding author’s biography, personality and literary works as a whole). And so, I would argue that to Fyodor humans are not boring, but providers of entertainment worthy of attention and inspection, even more so when they play a role in his plans (and it seems everybody is playing on a stage set by Fyodor so far).

Fyodor is also quite fond of not only perceiving events or circumstances as games (like his mental chess game with Dazai in prison, starting in ch63, always mirroring the course of everyone’s actions outside), but also proposing this approach to others (his rooooundtable in ch64 and his card guessing contest with Ace in ch42), albeit not carelessly, as each time such – yeah, I cannot avoid it at this point, I’m a gamer myself, here it comes *inhales deeply* – each time such gamer approach has a multifaceted utility and never strays from serving Fyodor’s two main purposes, achieving his plan to cleanse the world of abilities, and having fun (yes). Killing boredom via playing games, especially when in the company of a person on the same level, seems to be the first move Fyodor does when faced with monotony (even in vol. 20’scredit page, where Fyodor said “I’m bored. Let’s play twenty questions”, even if Dazai immediately delivers the final answer “Snow White”, and thus Fyodor retracted his idea with “Actually let’s not”, as Dazai’s superhuman intellect killed the fun too fast).

To look into two examples just a bit more, in ch64, during his roooooundtable with Dazai, Fyodor suggested “Next, let’s ask a question at the same time”, which appeared to be innocently fun, because it challenges two persons, in this case a native and a non-native speaker of Japanese, to coordinate their spelling just for the amusement of simultaneity; then, in ch97, as Nikolai’s deadly prison game was about to start, Fyodor lamented the outcome he was confidently foreseeing: “Yet losing a chess opponent in the next 30 minutes is still quite sad”, saying this teasingly, still talking as if in the context of his and Dazai’s mental chess game. On a last, entertaining note, because why not, this entire section might as well serve as proof that Fyodor is cat-coded, just like Dazai (see @wintertaurus​​ ’s post here, where they scientifically prove this, I don’t make the rules), despite being the leader of the Rats in the House of the Dead, and so one more fine example of a fictional INTJ further strengthens the definition of INTJs as “human cats”.

F. Humble, not arrogant. Self-proclaimed god or servant of God?

Starting with the latter half of this section’s title, that is a very tricky subject, in fact, because we as manga readers can observe both 1) one line that established a connection early-on between Fyodor and calling himself “a god” if God is dead and 2) many lines by which Fyodor is actually displaying behaviour and speech akin to a self-aware servant of God. Let us begin with the first one. So, in the first chapter dedicated to showing Fyodor to the readers in more detail (ch42), and only in the original Japanese version and the fan translation, the first page of the chapter together with the last page feature a quote from F.M. Dostoyevsky’s Demons. The quote put together is “If God does not exist, I am a god”, which is part of a dialogue by the character Alexei Nilych Kirilov (“Если нет бога, то я бог”, see Part Three, chapter VI, II). Perhaps a beautiful coincidence, but in this exact wording that the fan translation chose, the quote also appears in Albert Camus’ The Myth of Sisyphus, chapter “Absurd Creation”, subchapter “Kirilov”, where the French author discusses F.M. Dostoyevsky’s Demons and the mentioned character, Alexei Nilych Kirilov. There, Camus calls that line “Kirilov’s premise”. In retrospect, this is a very puzzling line to appear associated with Fyodor, or rather appear as spoken or thought by him, giving the ambiguity of the quote’s placement on the pages. It is also puzzling because until now BSD gave us a character who seems like a better candidate for using that quote or being a reference to Kirilov, and by that I mean of course Nikolai. Moreover, the way Fyodor talks about or mentions God in dialogues that are clearly spoken by him later (I shall discuss examples in the paragraphs and sections below) very much conveys the message that Fyodor does not think God is dead, invoking him over and over (whether he is referring to the Judeo-Christian God or simply “a god” is not yet addressed in the manga). Still, the most striking information about this quote remains the fact that it is not featured in the official English translation at all. For comparison, I shall put an image with the last page in both versions below, and you can see the scan of the Japanese first page of ch42 here.

As we are walking on quicksand with this one, let us move on to the second point I mentioned at the beginning of this paragraph, about Fyodor as a servant of God. Because of his mission, of which he speaks as if it is of a higher calling, of divine nature, Fyodor also appears to see himself as a servant, namely a servant of God (servus Dei). He has the mind and the skill to carry out a mission of divine proportions (for us readers still an ambiguous goal: Fyodor, ch46: “And I will use that Book to make a world free of sin and skill users”, where “skill” means the same as “ability” and “gift”, as the fandom is used to these terms more). This, in turn, could have made him develop a strong sense of responsibility and a feeling of authority. As we are currently following the “servant” train of thought, these (sense of responsibility and authority) are not to be confused with what is called a “god-complex”, a slang expression which loosely corresponds to different actual psychological disorders such as narcissistic personality disorder, a thing Fyodor does not display core traits of. As of now, Fyodor remains surprisingly humble, discreet and respectfully formal both in speech (see @looking-for-stray-dogs’s posts here and here) and in gestures (see section H, on Fyodor’s body language), he acknowledges the possibility of imperfections and even welcomes them (ch63), he was never portrayed as becoming irritated at others (except his eyes expressing either anger or furious determination, as Dazai attempts to drown him and Chuuya in ch101), he is not a show-off and is indifferent to being adored or agreed with, and he knows how to take criticism elegantly when Dazai holds different opinions or outwits him. It is true that his grandiose “divine” goal, his frequent use of manipulation, and his apparent omnisciency and unbreakable composure give enough space to speculate regarding an underlying “god-complex” in his character (together with the ambiguous use of the quote discussed in the paragraph above), but the reader must acknowledge that, in all his replies, Fyodor refers to himself as if to a servant of God par excellence, as is the most evident in his ch77 reply to Dazai: “Me? I didn’t do anything. I just sat here and prayed… and those prayers were answered”. 

This direct self-characterization, too, plays against him having an actual “god-complex”. I would say that, by building on the humble yet powerful servus Dei image, if at all intentional, Asagiri presents us a far more complex character in Fyodor. For example, one of the many important subjects in Biblical exegesis, since the beginning centuries of Christianity, was how Jesus Christ, the Son of God, took upon himself the role of servant of God (see Philippians, 2, 6-7), but also of all humans (see the Washing of the Feet), and so humility and divine power become two closely tied ideas. In the manga’s context, Fyodor’s own humility can also have an added disturbing effect on the reader because of the implied power that coexists with it.

On the topic of the “arrogant villain” stereotype, I myself cannot find instances where Fyodor is, per se, arrogant. Longman Dictionary defines “arrogant” as “behaving in an unpleasant or rude way because you think you are more important than other people”, but we know for a fact that Fyodor behaves far from rude and unpleasant to others. Quite the contrary, he is humble and considerate, as can be deduced from his way of using the Japanese language (see the references linked in the paragraph above). He is never portrayed denigrating, humiliating or belittling someone else thus far. What is true is that Fyodor considers his goal (and not necessarily himself unless the manga reveals the opposite in the future) superior to anyone and anything on Earth, and this accentuates his heavy use of smooth manipulation instead of inflating his ego, actually hiding his true self behind more and more layers of words and actions he uses out of necessity to reach his higher goal. If we speculate that Fyodor is indeed (Orthodox) Christian and familiar with this doctrine, then it would be no surprise why Fyodor would cultivate humility instead of pride in general, as pride (superbia) is the beginning of all sin (Sirach, 10, 15) and when pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom (Proverbs, 11, 3). To sum up, I cannot find any manga panel where Fyodor is acting in an arrogant way, so I reached the conclusion that anything related to his arrogance, his stubbornness, his rudeness or, by extension, his superiority-complex is headcanon-territory at least for now. Only in chess did Dazai mention the “maliciousness” of Fyodor’s move while playing mental chess with him (ch72), and this malicious trait can refer to the bold and shocking way in which Fyodor attacks by directly using his King instead of other chess pieces (for a detail exposition of their chess moves, see @blackandwhitemusician​ ’s post here). Interestingly, Fyodor does indeed reply with “Malice is the greatest fruit God ever gave to man”, yet from what I gathered so far we still have yet to see a true act of malice from Fyodor, that is, an malicious action done for the sake of malice itself, and not for the sake of his higher goal demanding sacrifices or attacks on rival organizations. Lastly, from the current content one can safely deduce Fyodor is individualistic (in contrast to Dazai who seems to learn to rely on others, but once again I shall point to @linkspooky​’s post here to underline how, as they said, “Dazai doesn’t work together with others, he manipulates for the greater good”, emphasis in bold mine), but it would take more manga updates to make a step further and pinpoint Fyodor’s egoism or narcissism if he has any of these traits at all in himself, and not in how others portray him when they think about him (how Atsushi imagines him in ch63, or Ango in ch77, or Ranpo in ch95). Not only does Fyodor break antagonist stereotypes with these traits, but – still keeping the quote analyzed in the beginning of this section in mind – he continues to embody shockingly contrasting ideas all within himself, which takes us to the next section of this essay.

G. A strange divergence inside Fyodor. Is he a singularity?

Before I reach the point I want to present here, I suggest we reflect once more upon that unforgettable scene. Continuing in the atmosphere of the ideas from the paragraphs before, it is also important to remember how, in Dead Apple, Fyodor said “I am crime”, whereas his ability said “I am punishment”, and none of these imply Fyodor is seeing himself as a god incarnate who applies punishment, only that there is an open possibility that his ability, if it is an independent being/soul, might see itself as such, i.e. a force to punish others and/or to punish Fyodor himself. This would assign Fyodor himself the role of an agent serving someone or something else (presumably his own ability). About this, a quick note must be made here: since this is a piece of Japanese media, the word “god” can end up referring to something else rather than the Judeo-Christian God (whose name I always capitalize in this post, to emphasize the difference). We do not really know to what god Fyodor refers to all the time, who or what it is, or if said god’s identity remains the same throughout the manga. In this post, I chose to work with the assumption that Fyodor is Orthodox and refers to the Judeo-Christian God. Despite this assumption, I find the relationship between him and his ability truly intriguing, even more so if we put this discussion in the context of “singularities”, also known as “self-contradictory-ability-types”. Now, so far there are two clear instances where self-contradictions are implied in his dialogue, one of them being this scene from Dead Apple, the other one becoming evident when we connect Fyodor’s replies in ch63 (left) and ch77 (right).

Fyodor, ch63: “A Decay comrade asked me for the perfect plan… but perfect is so boring. I won’t be able to view the karma of humanity like this.” Fyodor, ch77: “You pulled the strings of conspiracy yourself, no? But God prefers perfection and harmony. Thus, I followed the heart of God and added one line to the page.”

By openly giving contradictory information, to me this is exactly an occurrence of a stark divergence within Fyodor, so let us give it our complete attention in what follows. Firstly, there is the possibility that Fyodor could choose to say something intentionally if he would directly benefit from the receiver hearing those exact words, even if Fyodor’s own belief lies somewhere else entirely (so the question to that remains open: what does Fyodor truly think about perfection, imperfection and God?). Secondly, in Dead Apple, we see Fyodor and his ability merge back together, from two bodies back into one single body, and this action seems completely voluntary on their part, thus opening the possibility that Fyodor and his ability could manifest separately when they will it. This makes me wonder if each of them can take over their shared body (in turns) when they will it, so that one of the lines reflects Fyodor’s way of thinking, and the other line reflects his ability’s way of thinking, thus the two statements are made in separate frames, resulting in no contradictions being made if, and only if, Fyodor and his ability control the shared body in turns. Even so, because they coexist, the ingredients for a singularity are already there within Fyodor, given this example and the Dead Apple scene, because Fyodor and his ability each identify with a term that contradicts the other (“crime” and “punishment”), with a possible implied superiority or “victory” on his ability’s part (the “punishment” bringing the “crime” to an end, lastly “killing” it on a conceptual level, in a succession that implies a linear flow of time). It would be all the more logical, in this context, for Fyodor to desire victory over his own ability at all costs. How his goal is worded in the Dead Apple Official Guidebook, as pointed out by @aja154ever​​ here, could also indicate a suspicious tension between Fyodor and his ability: “To create a world without Abilities is his desire, and it is a mystery if this has any connection to his Crime and Punishment Ability” (see the quote’s full paragraph on his ability in their other post here). For important references from the light novels on what singularities are, how they come into being and how they can manifest, as well as a wonderful theory on the possibility of Dazai being a singularity himself, see @beans-beneath-moonlight​​ ‘s post here. To close this chain of ideas, indeed on the open possibility of Fyodor being a singularity too, I want to mention what @beans-beneath-moonlight​​ observed in their post too, namely that in the BSD light novel 55 Minutes, there is also “Gab”, Jules Verne's ability that took over and killed him, continuing to live on its own as a separate being, so abilities existing separetely from their user’s bodies, as well as malicious abilities that can turn against their users, both can exist in the BSD universe. Lastly, I put just one useful, but short reference below, on a singularity’s cause and terminology:

Professor N in the BSD light novel Storm Bringer: “By causing a logical conflict with your own ability instead of with someone else’s ability, you can create a singularity,” as he said that Professor N raised his index finger and twirled it around. “That sort of ability. The German researchers who first discovered this, had named it ‘self-contradictory-ability-type’.

There is one last relevant dialogue I want to analyze here. Below are all of Fyodor’s words from his first appearance in ch12:

Official translation – Fyodor, ch12: “It’s all as I predicted. No matter what happens, we reserve the right to do as we please. Just as the hand of God and demon wills it…” Fan translation – Fyodor, ch12: “Everything is going as expected. In any case... you are now given free reign... as indicated by the right hand of God and the demons.”

Notice how the official translation says “the hand of God and demon” (demon is singular), while the fan translation says “the (right) hand of God and the demons” (demons is plural). I asked @popopretty​ for their advice as to how to understand this line better and, according to them, the Japanese quote allows for the noun “demon” to be translated either way. I shall put their answer below:

@popopretty​: (…) according to the Japanese version I have, the original phrase for that last sentence is “神と悪霊の右手が示しす通りに”, which directly translates to “as the right hand of God and demons show/point to”. There is no word to indicate that the word demon is singular or plural, but looking at the context, I think it is safe to assume that its plural. It says “right hand” here, which I believe because the phrase “right hand of God” is used a lot in Bible. It doesn’t make much different compared to the “hand of God” though, so I think the translation you quoted is close enough.

I agree that the chapter’s context, as well as the two coated shadows behind Fyodor, allow for an undertanding where “demons”, in plural, refers to Fyodor’s co-workers within his organization, Rats in the House of the Dead. However, since the official translation opted for “demon” in singular, I want to explore the other possibility here: what would it imply if “demon” is indeed meant to be singular here? I would connect this to what is stated to be Fyodor’s motto in the Dead Apple Official Guidebook “Mist Records”: “Follow the guidance of God’s hand”, as translated by @looking-for-stray-dogs here, or “Let the hand of God guide you”, according to the BSD wiki. It seems Fyodor’s character is connected once again to the symbol of the hand, specifically the manus Dei or dextera Dei, which, in art history, indicates divine intervention, divine approval, divine acceptance, as well as God’s – the Creator’s – omnipotence (see, for example, Acts, 7, 50: “nonne manus mea fecit haec omnia?” – “was it not my hand that created all these <things>?”). The hand of God can not only refer to God (the Father) himself, but also to God (the Son), appointing him to his right hand’s side (as prophecized), which means divinely appointing him as both his “representative” and “equal” (“sede a dextris meis donec ponam inimicos tuos scabillum pedum tuorum”, which, mot-a-mot, would go something like this: “sit to my right hand’s side until I put your enemies as the footstool of your feet”, which is Psalm 109, 1 in the Biblia Vulgata, a verse invoked by Christ himself in Matthew, 22, 44, marking a fascinating continuity between the Old and the New Testament). So, considering this information, the expression “the hand of God and demon”, referring to the subject or entity who “wills” whatever it wills, establishes not only a connection, but a shocking equality between the nouns “God” and “demon”, as the hand belongs to both of them. By definition, the two nouns cannot be synonyms, under no condition, thus the subject of the action makes no valid sense and cannot be an actual conceivable “being” without an external reader’s interpretation (like this one I am trying to unfold). Following on that, what can exist or be conceived in the human mind is someone or something whose “being” implies the contradictory yet inseparable coexistence of someone / something that possesses godly traits and someone / something that possesses demonic traits. Therefore, I interpret the expression “the hand of God and demon” as referring to Fyodor himself, or, more precisely, Fyodor’s existence, which implies him and his ability together, where one represents the “god” and the other the “demon”, although it is still unclear which is which. Given all this, I propose the theory that Fyodor is a singularity, just like Dazai (continuing in the spirit of @beans-beneath-moonlight​​ ‘s theory post I referenced before).

Moving on from the singularity discussion, based on Dead Apple’s “I am crime. I am punishment” scene once again, one can only be certain that the link between “sin”, “ability” and “punishment” becomes even stronger, but apparently so does the link between “human” and “crime”. It is no surprise that the famous nouns of the literary work are used for this scene, nouns that can refer to both the active and the passive component of the implied action (commiting a crime vs being the victim of a crime; applying punishment vs receiving punishment). This begs the questions: would freeing the world of abilities also liberate Fyodor of his own punishment (whatever it is, if it exists at all)? does “freeing” the world of abilities even imply “killing” the gifted, and if yes, would that lead Fyodor to a final act of self-sacrifice (or, closer to the etimology of the word “sacrifice”, an act of making the offered thing sacred – himself in this scenario, together with all the gifted)? If we take into account how Fyodor concluded that he and newly “scouted” member Nathaniel Hawthrone “will cover this land in the blood of the sinners” (ch37), together with what Fyodor said as he and Karma looked at Ace’s hanged corpse (ch42, Fyodor: “Thinking is a crime. Breathing is a crime”, or, in the anime’s dub, S3ep4, “Crime starts with thought. As natural as breathing”, emphasizing the naturality of whatever Fyodor identified as humanity’s “crime”), as well as what Nathaniel chanted as he was on his assassination jobs (ch46, to Fukuzawa: “Death! Death! Death to the skill users! An eternal underground sleep with no awakening!”, as well as ch46, to Akutagawa: “Death! Death! Death to the skill users! … To revive my beloved, I must execute the contract of death”), then we have canon ground to believe the death of all gifted is necessary after all, yet Fyodor never uses such expression. It is always “freeing”, “offering the salvation of death to the evil” (note how he does not say “the gifted”), “granting the great silence”, like in how Fyodor talks to Karma in S3ep4: “All evils that plague this world will receive the mercy of death”, “I will do you the honour of granting you the great silence”, “May you be free from the shackles of your crimes, and your soul be salvaged”. This raises another problem: Fyodor himself, as he says, applies cleansing, purification, salvation, liberation, but his ability clearly refers to these acts as “punishment” instead, which is a completely different concept in a religious context as well. So far, once again, this marks a divergence between Fyodor and his ability, another clear moment when the ability seems to behave like a different entity than its user, with a different perception of what the ability itself does (one possibility being, what to Fyodor is “freeing”, to his ability is “punishment”, or that his ability’s “punishment” is a “cleansing” or “freeing” in a corrupted sense of the words). As a closing remark regarding Fyodor’s goal in general, there is still a lot of room to speculate on its true nature if we consider the possibility of Fyodor opposing not the Agency, nor the Port Mafia, but first and foremost the military and different governments who 1) already have a bloody history of using ability users in the war (as implied by Yosano’s backstory and the bits of Fukuchi’s backstory), 2) had (and might still have) special laboratories researching and even artificially creating ability users or researching ways to exploit singularities (BSD Storm Bringer), 3) may have massproduced abilities of specific destructive types, according to one war story of Fukuchi’s past merits (ch82, when we are told he led an operation to eliminate 100.000 “skill-based ‘werewolf’ test subjects”, with Teruko and Jouno visible alongside Fukuchi in the panel describing this – one hundred thousand “test subjects”! for what?), 4) was aware of or working according to an entire skill doctrine, already developed and, I assume, generally-known at the time Mori used Yosano, a mere child, as his slave to achieve his Immortal Regiment plan, meant to prove that abilities are indeed suitable for use in war (ch65). In relation to this, we could take into account the possibility of Fyodor being repulsed by Ace’s behaviour in ch42 (as suggested by certain expressions of Fyodor in the manga), given that Ace represented the perfect example of someone using other people without any consideration of the weight of their lives, their personhood and their inner world. If this is the “evil” that Fyodor wants to purge from this world, and if making abilities disappear, one way or another, would make him accomplish this “greater good” (ending the use and abuse of ability users worldwide), then we are all the more justified in weighing the morality of anyone involved in this large scheme, starting with those implied in Natsume’s Tripartite Framework, supposed to maintain peace in Yokohama (the Armed Detective Agency, the Port Mafia, and the Special Division for Special Powers together with the military police). Besides this, how he phrased his goal in ch46 draws attention to how he identifies at least two different “sins” in current mankind: 1) that they consciously ignore the fact that they are controlled, and 2) that they keep killing each other regardless of said knowledge (ch46, Fyodor: “Man is sinful and foolish. Even if they know it is all an artifice, they cannot help but kill each other. Someone must purify them for those sins”). Based on this, one can assume he wants to stop people from killing each other, by itself a noble goal, but a backstory is much needed to understand the real nature of it before applying judgement. Personally, based on the current status of the manga, I am neutral on this while keeping it in mind, because Fyodor’s higher goal is still ambiguous, and one should not sugarcoat him, nor paint him as a pure demon just yet. After all, all BSD characters are extremely nuanced, and tastefully so. If we also take into consideration his profile page from the BSD Season 3 guidebook (see @ahli-stuff​​ ’s post here) and how he considers his strength “wishing for world happiness” and his favorite type of person “someone who loves all humanity equally”, we can further wonder if Fyodor will be revealed as a character who genuinely cares the most about all of humanity, with a love that may or may not have become dark till present time, or a love that demanded and still demands the cruelest sacrifices.

H. Soft, discreet, graceful, yet playfully dramatic. His body language in the manga, in comparison to the anime

There are many differences between the manga representation and the anime representation of Fyodor’s body language, not to mention the representation of his character overall. I suggest we treat the manga and the anime (this includes Dead Apple) separately and leave the creation of a clear list of the converging and diverging points for another potential post. I shall begin this section with the following statement, in hope of leading anime-only BSD fans to the truth: soft Fedya is real, because canon Fedya is soft. In the manga, Fyodor’s postures and gestures convey gentleness, discreetness, grace and fragility, in multiple instances I shall present below, in a random order.

MANGA. Being considerate. Speaking of discreetness and being considerate, let’s list a few examples of that. In ch42, when Fyodor’s ability activated to kill Karma, causing blood to shoot from Karma’s face, Fyodor did not look at the dying child, turning to face him only after he died, which can be interpreted as an act of respect for Karma’s intimacy during his final moments (see section B for a more in-depth analysis of Karma’s demise). Another occasion when Fyodor’s consideration was evident is in ch49 and how he took off his shoes and coat when entering Katai’s house (basic common manners, even though we must admit this is still bizzare in the context of breaking into a house to shoot someone, but read on), while the anime portrayed him fully-clothed, with his boots on (S3ep10), thus (what can I even say) disrespectful and uncaring of the cleanness of the (nonetheless wild and messy) house of his intended victim (in the end, not too surprising coming from the man who calls even his vampire slave with honorifics, “Chuuya-san”, in ch101, but also his abducted prisoner “Katsura-san” in ch47; for BSD uses of honorifics and nicknames, check this post here, but keep in mind that it covers info till ch87). His consideration of cleanness is also supported by the fact that Fyodor hid his ushanka in a clean, empty wooden box during his mission to stab Mori and infect him with Pushkin’s virus (ch46), yet the anime replaced the wooden box with a dumpster (S3ep8), setting the fandom down a cursed path of tasteless spamjokes basically.

Gentle touch of minimum intrusiveness. In the manga, the hand position when Fyodor is about to use his ability on someone also conveys gentleness and minimum intrusiveness (barely touching the forehead, using the tips of his index and middle fingers). Even the movement towards the forehead appears slow and elegant, thus even more sinister (for more on this hand gesture and its meanings, see section A). In the anime, however, this hand gesture is replaced by one that makes more physical contact with the other person, obstructing their view and breathing while being uncharacteristically intrusive: instead of Fyodor discreetly touching Karma’s forehead like in ch42, in S3ep4 Karma’s face is fully covered by Fyodor’s palm, which looks uncomfortable, unnatural and oppressive. Another revelant portrayal here, one that also conveys Fyodor’s overall gentleness in gestures, is present in ch64’s cover art: in contrast to Dazai, who holds his white pawn between his thumb and index + middle finger, Fyodor holds his black pawn between his thumb and middle + ringfinger, which, if reenacted, distinguishes itself by how Fyodor is using the least amount of pressure possible to lift the chess piece (thus very graceful), and so we have Dazai, who “takes” the piece and moves it insisting on a more secure grip, contrasting with Fyodor who “guides” the piece, letting it gently hang between his fingers as it is swayed following Fyodor’s movements.

High physical endurance. Despite his frail body, we can safely assume Fyodor has high endurance and vitality, given how he did not even flinch when Ace smashed a full wine bottle in his head (ch42) and how he let himself get captured and be kept in harsh prison conditions at least twice (ch42, ch54) before ending up in Meursault. There is also how he ran away from Mori and Elise (ch46) without gasping or showing fatigue afterwards. More canon material is still needed in order to establish how accurate or severe his self-proclaimed anemic condition is (ch42, “My body is weak and anemic”) or his low blood pressure (BSD Season 3 guidebook, but I only had access to this info via this post here and would greatly appreciate someone confirming this).

Oratory skills and expressive hand gestures. In the manga, Fyodor is always highly expressive in what regards his hand gestures during speeches, yet in a practical and elegant way, implying he has great oratory skills or training, besides excellent communication and manipulation skills (discussed in section C and pretty much all others). In ch42: Fyodor clapped as his card game with Ace ended, thus expressing joy through words and action; Fyodor pretended to be taken aback by Ace having listened to his and Karma’s talk, scratching his head in a wide-open gesture, conveying surprise and acknowledgement of Ace’s skills; Fyodor put a hand to his chest when telling Ace he has trained himself for “battles of starvation”, this gesture emphasizing the personal aspect of the information he offered, which this gesture implies is wholehearted and sincere. In ch46, while explaining his strategy and his way of thinking to Dazai, Fyodor uses various hand gestures to illustrate his phrases as well: extended arm explaining; hand pointing towards Dazai; explaining his higher goal with open palms in front of him, but close to his body, suggesting solemnity and confessed determination; sadly, all these gestures were replaced in the anime with Fyodor just holding his ushanka to his chest, conveying the same type of message as when he held his hand to his chest in front of Ace in ch42, as I described a few phrases above; still, at least in S3ep4 anime Fyodor gesticulated a lot while talking to Ace before the latter’s suicide, following ch42 pretty closely). In ch55, after entering Mushitaro’s basement prison cell, as Fyodor was revealing his intention behind freeing Mushitaro, he raised both hands to his chest, his fingers resting on each side of his heart, a gesture meant to suggest utmost sincerity. After that, still in ch55, when informing Mushitaro on the change of his condition (Mushitaro was captive, “but that ends today”, as Fyodor said), he held his right index finger to his lips, in a mischievous display of secrecy and child-like playfulness. This same gesture can have sinister undertones as well, given how it already appeared in ch47 in this way, where it is suggested, in a flashback background, that Fyodor did the same gesture when asking fake Pushkin to convey the “No changing the rules” message to the Agency, and they found this out after the death of the children. Lastly, these oratory skills can be used in playfully dramatic ways too, like in ch64, when Fyodor switched to the discourse of an overly-expressive, lively host of a (talk)show, as he suggested Dazai to participate in his “All-smiles Problem-solving Roooooundtable, hosted by yours truly, Dostoyevsky”, tilting his head further and further to his right as Dazai expressed growing confusion at first. About Fyodor tilting his head and what it means, see the paragraph below. So, all these scenes point to the fact that Fyodor gesticulates a lot, especially for emphasis and expressiveness during speeches or conversations, or for the fun of the dramatic effect.

Curiosity and tilt of the head. In conversational circumstances, we often see Fyodor tilting his head to his side. In his case, this is an expression of curiosity, in the sense of being (or wanting to appear to be) genuinely interested in the other person’s answers. Note that the simple tilt of the head to one’s side can also express endearment towards the thing one looks at (in genuine concern or admiration of something beautiful or dear, for example), but, combined with oratory skills – which Fyodor possesses as a master of communication – this can be a very effective tool that translates into non-verbal emotional manipulation. To give a few examples, Fyodor tilted his head 1) when he asked Sigma if he wished for a home (ch75), 2) when he replied to Nikolai capturing the essence of his inner conflict (ch78), 3) when greeting (and even bowing to) Mushitaro in the basement, just before offering him a deal to escape (ch55). In all these cases, the persons Fyodor was conversing with were already in a vulnerable situation (Sigma wandering in desperation, Nikolai presenting his inner struggle, Mushitaro being held captive), and thus Fyodor made sure to bind each of them to himself, planting the seeds of dependency by offering them validation and emotional response. Moreover, as a gesture of (apparent) trust, if someone tilts their head to the side, they present themselves in a vulnerable position (the neck area is open), subtly conveying the message that the other person is in a position of superiority, deepening the trap that, in Fyodor’s case, ends with the other people becoming dependent on him as the “benign” manipulator. Still, because of the display of vulnerability, the tilt of the head in itself is a gentle, humbling gesture, very fitting for Fyodor, whose character presence builds on the inexplicable tension between the terror and apprehension brought by his vast intellect and unknown powers, and the humility and gentleness of his speech and body language. The fact that, as of now, we still cannot draw a firm line and say from where to which point Fyodor’s gestures and words are genuinely benevolent or actually malevolent, so he remains beyond good and evil, and fascinatingly so, until more of his character or backstory is revealed. As a last example of Fyodor tilting not his head, but his entire body as an expression of curiosity, in ch42, finding Ace’s vault, Fyodor did exactly that and approached it together with a curious look (eyes opened wider, eyebrows raised), asking Karma something to which Fyodor already knew the answer probably anyway (“Oh, is this it? The vault where ace holds his jewels temporarily, to prevent a price collapse?”) and still Fyodor asked Karma because, I assume, having a conversation made the discovery simply more fun for the moment.

Biting his fingertips and nails. In ch42, Fyodor is seen biting his fingertips in three different panels, and yet the anime (S3ep4) never shows him doing this. Later on, we never see him biting his fingertips “on screen”, but “behind the scenes” he has been continuously doing so even up to the most recent chapter. Looking closely, you can see how his fingertips and nails are damaged and rough even at Meursault, for example, in ch95, when Fyodor is passing Dazai the salt, or in ch101, when Fyodor is inputting security codes to unlock prison doors. Of course, among other things, this habit indicates a Crime and Punishment novel reference, which should be discussed in a different post, and has in fact been discussed in nice posts by other BSD fans already. This aside, unlike his depiction in Dead Apple, manga Fyodor consistently keeps his hands ungloved.

Surprise and adrenaline rush. Other than the moments when his face shows curiosity, in the manga Fyodor’s composure appears to break rather often to express surprise, usually when 1) an brilliant move was made by an adversary team or someone else, but more recently also when 2) the enemy team made a move faster than Fyodor expected. In several of these occasions, his shock is accompanied by what seems to be delight, and I would interpret this as Fyodor enjoying the adrenaline rush of near-death situations (Nikolai’s prison game, introduced in ch95.5 / ch96, to which both Fyodor and Dazai reacted in a grimly ecstatic way) or general “end of the road” scenarios (Dazai and Fitzgerald “catching” him in ch53, although Mushitaro revealed that Fyodor’s capture was intentional in ch54: “And I… can never be forced to reveal the reason Dostoyevsky let them capture him!”). Now, for the second type of surprise, the clearest examples are Fyodor’s ch101 reactions to being cornered by Dazai and the prison room starting to get filled by heavy water. His expressions there do betray true shock, as much as his stare at the end of ch101 expresses true boiling anger and determination, but one must note that, despite letting his composure break, Fyodor may have already anticipated Dazai’s moves, and the true source of his surprise was Dazai executing said moves sooner than anticipated by Fyodor (for example, when the code input device explodes in front of Fyodor’s face, after an initial shocked expression, his eyes regain a look of steel, rationalizing “he got the circuit already”). In any case, for most insight on the whole ch101 situation and the in-context implications of this “already”, I recommend checking out @videogamelover99​​ ’s post here on, well, basically Dazai being too Dazai for his own good, or @vampireonastick​​ ’s post here for more discussion on the whole ch101 situation).

ANIME. The anime went with a different characterization of Fyodor entirely so far (as of now, November 2022, the anime has 3 completed seasons, and the trailer for January 2023’s season 4 revealed enough to see the anime’s characterization for Fyodor has not changed at all). In the anime, instead of being soft and discreet, Fyodor is confident, audacious and, I would say, stereotypically evil and creepy, whereas in the manga his sinister side comes to the reader’s eyes as a result of all the subtleties his behaviour and schemes imply, as well as a result of the contrast between his gentle appearance and his unnerving actions and plans, as I already wrote above. For example, in S3ep8, anime Fyodor smirked daringly at Mori after he stabbed the Mafia boss, seemingly enjoying it, yet in the manga Fyodor kept a blank face. Since various other differences between the manga and the anime were already discussed before this point of my essay, I propose an analysis of Fyodor’s body language in Dead Apple specifically, which goes hand in hand with his portrayal in the anime, and therefore differs significantly from the soft Fyodor we get to know in the manga.

Secrecy. In Dead Apple, in the first scene that reunites Shibusawa, Dazai and Fyodor, we see Fyodor approaching their table with confident steps and hands in what appears a rather tight grip, as opposed to letting his fingers comfortably open on each side of his body. This could express repressed or hidden intentions, as his fingers, in a fist, cover his palms and do not allow a completely relaxed stance. Next, unlike Dazai, Fyodor does not cross his legs when at the table, he instead positions both his feet firmly and perpendicularly on the ground, which conveys confidence as well, and is meant to assert total control of the room. When putting his arms on the table, he intertwines his fingers and rests his chin on his joined hands. This is a meditative position, suggesting a serious thought process going on behind his puzzling smile (again, suggesting confidence), as well as careful planning, or simply waiting for things to happen as he planned beforehand. His closed eyes shut down the world outside him, we could interpret this as logical in this situation if Fyodor has already predicted and planned everything through, which the movie suggests was indeed the case. The outside world is not as necessary to see in that case, plus he is surrounded by people who will not act impuslively and threaten each other out of the blue, so a sense of blind trust stays between the three strategists. One last thing to note about this scene is the fact that only Shibusawa and Fyodor are facing each other, while Dazai is facing no one, which may subtly suggest the personal bond between Shibusawa and Fyodor, one that Dazai does not share with anyone in the room, or (arguably) anyone at all after Odasaku’s death.

Confidence. In Dead Apple, Fyodor’s pose conveys confidence when Shibusawa shows Dazai the Draconia room (Fyodor is seen with his left hand on his waist, in contrapposto); Fyodor’s pose conveys having hidden motives when he and Dazai entered the Draconia room in secret (Fyodor has his back turner to both Dazai and the viewers, with his hands in his coat’s pockets; Fyodor’s pose conveys confidence AND having hidden motives when Shibusawa surprisingly stabs Dazai, followed by Dazai asking Fyodor “Didn’t you lock the door?” (Fyodor has his hands in his pockets, but also smirks and chuckles at Dazai while looking down to him, with Fyodor’s chin slightly raised).

A playful mind. As to what regards Fyodor’s playful mind, it is made more or less evident through Fyodor’s play of words and sharp, intelligent replies (see section E for his love for entertainment specifically). In Dead Apple, as the singularity event unfolds, Fyodor told a shocked Shibusawa that he will “fill in all the blanks” for him: Fyodor added “I’ll even tell you what was cut out”, proceeding to cut Shibusawa’s throat immediately after. This is a splendid play of word and action, coordinating them in a twisted sense of playfulness, indulging michievously in living a life entertaining for himself. But seriously, for more on Fyodor and his sense of entertainment, see section E above, it would be superfluous to repeat ideas here.

– – –

11 November 2022. At last, we arrived at the end of this essay. The end for now at least, as I could technically add more analysis and external references in the future, if my irl schedule allows it. Since January 2022 I’ve been working on this “thing” I jokingly called “marriage proposal PhD”, because why not, this is an accurate example of how an ENTP proposes to an INTJ, where understanding the other (or continuously trying to) is peak intimacy and love. I guess. However, I “yeeted” my emotions out while I was writing this, because nothing would have angered me more than my appreciation of this character clouding my judgement or making me err in my pursuit of the many subtleties that lead to his many paradoxical traits. Whether I will update this post or not in the future, I cannot promise. This post is intended to be my last contribution to the BSD fandom, but my ask box remains open for futher discussions on BSD or other media analysis. I doubt fans will read everything I wrote, and I am certain the fandom will perpetuate the cycle of Fedya’s mischaracterization despite my best efforts to bring many canon scenes showing different sides of him into the spotlight. 

Yes... Despite everything, I am at peace. I thought no media could revive my passion for analysis anymore, no character could make me draw fanart again, and yet... and yet!... Fedya is exactly the type of character one can analyze ad infinitum and feel thrilled at each discovery, at each little possible implication of a word or gesture. No matter how tranquil he may seem, no matter how certain we may be at first of his exterior serenity, for everything his character encapsulates, for everything we know and don’t know about him thus far, Fyodor’s soul is likely vessel to an incredible inner tension, origin of his determination. As I was writing more and more, I discovered he is intense, so truly intense, and that intensity has brought me… and brings me... and will bring me

boundless bliss.

Happy birthday, радость моя.

[ellies-little-thing]

My perfect little pet (e.w.)

My masterlist <3

Warnings: sub reader; dom Ellie; Mature content; swearing; fluf; smut; knife play; arguing; reader is referred to as she/her; Ellie is mean; aftercare; Reader’s a masochist; Ellie is a sadomasochist; mentions of blood; love/hate relationship; Reader has a vagina; BDSM (kinda); Kind of proofread, English is not my first language.

Author's notes: Hi! This is my second ever fanfic, I hope you like it, I really liked writing it! Feedback is always welcome and likes and reblogs and comments are always encouraged! Thank you! Enjoy! 

Hi i re-edited this fic, I hope you like the sligth channges!

Word count: 18.5k

NSFW MINORS AND MEN DNI!!

You and Ellie have been in a relationship for a while now and you both had your roles in it as well. Ellie always liked being the dominant one and you loved it too. It was like a match made in heaven. You were in the middle of a passionate make out session in your living room. You were just wearing one of ellie’s oversized t-shirts and your panties since you were just relaxing for the day.

Ellie started squeezing your neck a bit while you kissed. She was slowly squeezing you. Ellie was trying to be firm but she wasn’t trying to hurt you. Ellie’s eyes were very wide and she was blushing hard. Ellie could feel her heartbeat getting faster and she felt so alive. You were feeling on top of the world having Ellie do whatever she wanted. Ellie kept squeezing your neck as she spoke with a grin on her face. “I’m gonna… do whatever I want with you… “ Ellie had a huge blush now, she felt so excited. Ellie was enjoying being in control.

“Yes please, thank you….” Ellie started biting you. Ellie was biting your shoulder and she felt like it was all she needed in the world right now.

“… you taste so good… “

Ellie was loving this. You moan for Ellie not to stop. Ellie is no longer nervous and is going to make you submissive. Ellie kept biting as hard as she could without hurting you, she just loved it. Ellie could also feel the power of being in control and she was loving it. Ellie was starting to feel less nervous than before and she was starting to be more confident, she was gonna try to be dominant.

“… you like me biting you? “

“Yes… very much…”

“I’m gonna bite you a lot… I want you to be my little… sub… “

Ellie’s voice was very breathy and she was getting more excited as she kept biting your shoulder. “I’ll do anything you want…” You let out.

“Anything?” Ellie had a big smile on her face. She wanted to do so many things with you that it was hard to think of them all. Ellie started to bite more aggressively and she didn’t stop. Ellie wanted to do anything and everything because she felt so powerful and she felt so excited.  “Anything…” You repeated.

Ellie then started to kiss all over your body. Ellie was feeling so confident and she felt like you belonged to her. She didn’t stop as she also kept biting your shoulder and she looked like a wild animal when she did that.

Ellie was grabbing your body and leaving little bite marks everywhere she wanted. She was going crazy over how good everything was making her feel. You kept moaning Ellie’s name. She was smiling more and more each time you called her. Ellie was starting to go faster with everything she was doing to you. Ellie didn’t want to stop and wanted to be the one on top. Ellie pulled you down to the couch and she started to kiss you. She was holding your neck with one hand. Ellie was really loving this power and she was loving you right now. Ellie started to kiss you harder and she put more emotion into it. Ellie was going all out.

“It feels so good, Ells…”

Ellie was kissing harder each time she heard you make noises like that. She liked that she could make you feel this good. Ellie kept kissing you in all the right places and she didn’t wanna stop. She wanted to stay like this forever, and she now wanted to see you take her orders.

“Take my orders now, babe…”

Ellie said with a smile and a voice filled with power. Ellie knew that she was in control and she enjoyed it. Ellie loved you and she felt like you now belonged to her. You kneeled for Ellie. She felt so powerful when you kneeled for her. She had you right where she wanted.

“This is where you belong…” Ellie spoke in a very dominant way. Ellie was blushing a lot but she kept doing it.

“Can I call you…, hum…. Can I call you daddy?” You asked quietly. Ellie laughed a little, she wasn’t expecting that. Ellie was still blushing really hard but she nodded.

“You can, if you want to…” Ellie spoke with a bit of a playful tone but there was no denying that she liked the sound of this. Ellie was getting more and more excited.

“Thank you Daddy.” Ellie smiled and continued to let you call her that. Ellie was really liking it. “You like calling me that, don’t you?” Ellie spoke with a slightly flirtatious tone. You nodded, trying to not make Ellie mad at you. “If you don’t mind, I’d love it if you could keep calling me that… “

Ellie kept smiling and she was having a lot of fun. Ellie was starting to get a bit turned on and the thought of you calling her that was making her feel a bit weak. “Yes daddy. I want to be your good girl, your princess…” Ellie’s eyes went a little wide as she heard that. Ellie kept smiling but she felt like she needed more. She wasn’t sure how far she’d go for this pleasure but she felt like she needed to keep going and felt like she would do anything for it. “That’s right… be my good girl…”

“Yes daddy, anything for daddy… Ellie felt very powerful and she was loving having you say all of this. Ellie felt like the queen of the world and she felt like you belonged to her. Ellie patted your head like you were a puppy, you were a really good girl. Ellie felt like you were her little princess and you were so cute right now. Ellie liked patting your head. You looked up at Ellie to see her happy and she grabbed your neck. Ellie knew that she could do whatever she wanted to you and that made her feel even more powerful. Ellie didn’t wanna stop. Ellie felt like she’d do anything in this moment and she never wanted to stop feeling like this. Ellie now was even more aggressive. Ellie was holding your neck hard and she was enjoying it. She was using more force. Ellie didn’t want to let go, she liked having this power and she wanted to keep it.

“I love when you choke me daddy…” Ellie was smiling even more because of what you were saying.. Ellie liked hearing You so she kept doing what she was doing.  “I’ll do anything you want and I’ll keep choking you… “  She spoke with a flirtatious tone. Ellie felt powerful. You felt you had no control and you loved it.

“… can I… Can I kiss you like this?” Ellie asked with a smile and a flirtatious tone. Ellie was thinking about doing a lot of things with you, but she didn’t want to do it if you didn’t want her to. 

“Yes daddy.” Ellie smiled even more and she put her hand on your chin and started to kiss your lips. Ellie was still holding your neck but she was giving it a small break for now because she wanted to kiss you. “Do you like it…? Like this…?”

“I love it…” Ellie continued to kiss you. Ellie’s tone was still flirtatious and she was making you feel like you belonged to her. The more this continued, the more Ellie felt good about herself. Ellie was losing herself at this moment. You put your hands in Ellie’s face as you kissed, loving being choked. Ellie kept choking you and she was starting to touch you more and more. Ellie was going all out now, she was holding nothing back. There was so much going on in this moment but Ellie was getting turned on like never before. Ellie wasn’t letting go of you, you belonged to her now. She almost wanted to spank you.

“… do you want me to spank you?” Ellie felt a bit nervous asking that but was willing to do it and her hand moved closer to your rear. She was feeling a bit tense.

You nod. “Yes daddy…”

“Ok then…” Ellie said and she spanked you lightly. Ellie was blushing hard but she enjoyed doing this. Ellie moved her hand back again, her breathing was getting faster, she was feeling a lot of things. You moaned even more at each hit. Ellie kept spanking you, she was doing it harder but she was still being careful not to hurt you too much. She liked seeing how much you were enjoying yourself though. Ellie was making you moan and that made this moment even better for both of you.

“Ellie, I love this…”

Ellie smiled at that and spanked you a few more times because she enjoyed making you moan. Ellie wanted to do more but she didn’t wanna push things too far. “ I want to… I wanna try something… “ Ellie spoke a bit more seriously now.

“Yes?” You asked, curious.

“I want to be rough with you… Like… really rough… “ Ellie knew you could handle this but she just wanted to make sure you wanted it too. 

“Okay daddy.” You kneeled again. Ellie smiled and her eyes went wide when you kneeled, she liked it so much. Ellie was in control this entire time and she loved doing it and she wanted to be as rough with you as she could be.  “Are you ready…?”

You nod. “I’m ready.”

“Let's just agree on a safeword so if things feel like they're too much. we can stop okay?” Ellie said before anything else. You nodded. “What about… password? Sounds good?” Ellie asked. You nodded in agreement. Ellie was ready to be as rough as she could be. “You can scream as loud as you want for me if this is too much…”

Ellie was smiling a bit. There were a lot of mixed emotions going through her head, but she was having fun. Ellie felt more powerful as she kept waiting for your reactions. “I’m ready daddy”  You look up at Ellie.

Ellie grinned and that made you smile too. Ellie put her hand on your neck once more. You felt like you were in heaven but Ellie was enjoying the hell out of this. Ellie was in deep now, she couldn’t stop. Ellie wanted to make you scream and she liked that, so she slapped your face hard. Ellie was enjoying herself a lot and she was going all out. She didn’t wanna stop but she was making your face red and this made her laugh a little. “If you wanna beg me to stop… I won’t… but you might be able to persuade me… “ 

Ellie was flirting a bit while she slapped you and wasn’t gonna stop yet. You let out a tiny scream. Ellie continued to slap you and she liked every sound that came out of you. Ellie was feeling so powerful that she couldn’t stop herself , she was having way too much fun. Ellie didn’t wanna be told to stop anymore, she just wanted you to be completely submissive. “Thank you daddy for hitting me..”

“No problem, baby…” Ellie was enjoying this a little too much and she wasn’t stopping. She kept slapping your face and she loved it as she wasn’t showing any remorse or guilt. Ellie choked you and pinned you to the wall by your neck, holding you tight, she was squeezing very hard and she enjoyed hearing you struggling for air. Ellie’s tone was a bit more serious now. Ellie wanted to be in complete control.

“No one can protect you like I can…” Ellie was breathing rapidly. She wanted to  make sure that there was only one voice here, hers.

“Yes daddy…” You tried to speak. Ellie didn’t like that you spoke. She squeezed your neck a bit harder and made you struggle for air even more.  “I’m in control, not you, understand?… “

You nodded. Ellie squeezed even harder for a moment and she made you struggle, she loved the way you were looking at her. Ellie then started to kiss your lips hard. Ellie’s tone was serious and she wanted you to know that she was in charge. “No one can take you away from me… I’m going to protect you…”

Ellie pulled away from the kiss. She couldn't stop smiling. Ellie had made you submit to her completely. You were getting light headed so she loosened her grip slightly. Ellie still liked to see you struggle but she didn’t want to hurt you too much yet. Ellie was in charge and she liked seeing you look up at her. Ellie was starting to realize how much control she had over you. Your eyes were full of love and lust. Ellie couldn’t control herself anymore. She kissed your neck and her tone turned into a flirty one. Ellie put one of her hands down to your hips and she started to hold you there. She was starting to wonder how far she could go with this. Ellie liked being in control but she also wanted to take things a step further. You moaned as Ellie touched you.  “Do you like this…?”

Ellie was blushing but she was enjoying this a lot.. Ellie continued to kiss your neck. Her tone was starting to turn into a sexy one. Ellie didn’t mind you moaning, Ellie thought you looked cute when you did that.   “I do Ellie, I love it…” Ellie liked hearing this from your mouth. She kept kissing your neck and she enjoyed thinking about how she was making you feel. Ellie started to go a bit lower and she kissed your chest. Ellie was being as rough as she could be but she still wanted you to feel good. “You can be harsher, I can take it…” You whispered.

Ellie was still smiling but she took your words to heart. Ellie went a little harder.  “You said you can take it… so here it is…”  Ellie was now playing as rough as she could. Ellie didn’t let you say anything else after that, she wanted to be in charge. Ellie ordered you to get in all fours. You did as you were told and got on all fours. Ellie went over to you and she leaned down to give you a kiss. Ellie kissed you softly and then she pulled back, she was smiling and feeling very powerful. Ellie thought you looked amazing like this, like you were her pet.

“Do you like being my pet…?” Ellie spoke in a flirty tone. Ellie loved the way you looked, You looked so submissive. She felt amazing and she really enjoyed this control. You nodded.  “Good… because you’re gonna make me feel good…” Ellie went back to kissing you and she put her hands on your hips. Ellie wanted you to feel good, but she was still in charge here.

“Yes master.” Ellie liked that you were calling her this name, but didn’t wanna let you speak so she kept kissing you. She was thinking about how you were all hers now. Ellie slapped your left cheek and you had no choice but to stay quiet. Ellie enjoyed doing this to you, her tone was a bit more strict now. “Shut up… you don’t have a choice here.” Ellie had all the power. You nodded and looked at the ground. Ellie wasn't very happy that you did that, she didn’t want you to look anywhere else but her face. Ellie put her hand on your chin, she wanted you to look at her. Then she gave you a light kiss on the lips. Ellie was in complete control of you, she could do whatever she wanted. 

Ellie sat on the couch and ordered you to come to her so you started crawling. You crawled over to her and she was surprised by how submissive you were being. Ellie started to feel even more powerful. When you got close to her, she put her hand in your hair.  “Oh… so you do what I say huh?... You’re so easy… “ You nodded to her words. Ellie was still sitting on the couch with her legs spread open while you were kneeling in front of her. “Oh… you’re so easy…” Ellie made herself comfortable as she spoke. She was enjoying herself and she tried to make you enjoy yourself too, but just a tiny bit.  “May I speak to daddy?”

“Only if you beg me to let you speak… “ Ellie was smiling, she was enjoying this entire moment. Ellie didn’t want you to speak yet, she just wanted to enjoy controlling you. 

“Please let me talk daddy…”

“Beg me harder… and I’ll consider it… “ Ellie was actually a bit serious now. Ellie wanted you to beg her more for it.

“Please daddy, I’m begging you, please…..”

“Ok… fine… you can talk… “ Ellie looked a bit annoyed though. Ellie pulled you a bit closer so you could talk to her. “What did you want to talk about?” Ellie was still looking at you and she loved how you were submitting yourself to her . 

“If you think I’m so easy, maybe I should start being a brat.” You mocked her.

“You wanna play that game with me, sweetie…?… “ Ellie was smiling now, clearly annoyed. “I think you know what happens to brats who do that… don’t you?…” Ellie chuckled. “I wouldn’t recommend it, sweetheart… “  You get up and get in Ellie’s lap. “Enlighten me then…” You say looking into her eyes defiantly. Ellie was surprised but she let you do this. She didn’t mind this at all as she put her arm around your waist. “Hmm… you want me to show you?… alright… so when a brat is a brat, I get to be as rough as I like with them… I get to punish them as hard as I like… “ You keep looking at Ellie, waiting. 

Ellie put her arm around your neck and held you there. “Do you actually wanna play with a game like this…?… “ Ellie was actually serious because she knew how much more difficult brat’s like you could be. Ellie was thinking about what could happen if you become this way. She was a little worried, but she also liked this moment a lot.

“Oh yeah I do…” You respond, still messing with her. “And what do you think is gonna happen then…?” Ellie held you tight as she was still sitting on the couch and her legs were spread open. Ellie wasn’t being too rough with you for now.  “What do you think I’m gonna do to you, sweetie…?”

“Surprise me.” You smirked.

“Oh I will… “. Ellie started to move her fingers through your hair, she wanted to play around a bit before going in all the way. “Maybe a little slap first…?… and then we’ll see where we go from there… “ You look at Ellie defyingly.  Ellie laughed a little at you, she actually enjoyed the way you were acting. Ellie was tempted to slap you right then and there, but she wanted to tease you more first. Ellie spoke up again and she put her hand on your chin to show how serious she was. “I can slap you if I want, don’t think you can stop me, I’m in charge here… “ Ellie was flirting a bit.

“Let’s see it then” You teased.  Ellie then slapped you hard. The slap was hard and swift but Ellie still felt like she could’ve gone harder. You were still looking at Ellie defiantly and she wasn’t blinking at all. “If you wanna play like this, then I can do whatever I like, my little brat… “ You winced a bit in pain when you felt her hand on your face. “Don’t wince, I’m not done yet…” Ellie had a smirk on her face,she put her hand on the back of your neck as she spoke.

“Just know I’m in control… I just wanted to remind you… “ Ellie kept looking at you. You look at Ellie as you put your hand to your face to calm the sting from the slap.

“Oh… did that sting a bit?…” Ellie felt good that she was able to make you feel like that. Ellie was enjoying herself, she was in total control. Ellie pulled back her hand and smiled at you. “I can do that again if I want… “ You looked at Ellie annoyed and felt so powerful. “Let’s see if I can do it again… “ Ellie slapped you on the other cheek, it was the exact same force as the last time. Ellie liked how you were annoyed a bit too, you looked cute annoyed. You let out a small scream as she slapped you.

“Shhh….” Ellie put her finger up to your lips and that made you unable to make any noise.  “I hope you’re enjoying this…” Ellie spoke in a teasing way and was being very flirtatious right now.

“You’re mean…” You say almost inaudibly.

“What did I tell you about talking back?… “ Ellie pulled you a little closer and you kept looking at her.

“That brats get punished…” You looked at the ground.

“I’m glad you got the rules so soon… “ Ellie laughed a little. She looked very satisfied with you, up until now. “But yeah, that’s right… I’m in charge here… “ Ellie kept holding you close to her. You looked up at Ellie in the eyes. Ellie still had her finger pressed to your lips, she was keeping you quiet “What?… Do you wanna beg me to stop?… “ Ellie was trying to guess what you were thinking. You nodded. Ellie then finally pulled her finger away so you could speak.

“You wanna beg…?… You’re still being a bit too quiet, babe… “ Ellie spoke in a flirty way as she kept holding you close to her and she kept touching your hair and stroking it. You weren’t able to look her in the eyes as you said this. “Hurt me please….”  Ellie looked a bit shocked and she pulled back a little.

“Hurt you?… You know that would just make you a bigger brat if I give you what you want… “ She didn’t know if she should hurt you or not. “Why do you want me to hurt you?…”

“I like how it feels…”  You are a bit embarrassed to admit it.

“I see… so you like the pain, huh?… “ A smirk appeared on her face. “So it’s ok then for you to take a few more slaps…?… Is that what you want…?” You nodded. “Ok, then… if you’re gonna beg for it, I’ll give it to you right now…” Ellie then slapped you across the face. The slap was hard and you didn’t see it coming at all. “I bet you liked that… “ Ellie was smiling a lot and her tone was still flirtatious. “Ow…” You winced.

“Oh did that hurt a bit too much?” Ellie looked happy that she was able to inflict pain on you. Ellie was starting to enjoy herself.  “Maybe I should hurt you more then… “ You tried to pull yourself together. Ellie noticed and then slapped you again. The slap was a bit harder this time. You screamed a bit. “Do you still want more?… “ Ellie was happy that you were giving her a show. She didn’t see this before in you. Ellie wanted to have more fun with you so she kept going, she gave you another slap. This one was also hard. Ellie continued smiling as she looked down at you.

“Fuck…” You sight after. “I guess you still want more, huh…?… You still have so much pride left to lose, I see… “ You looked Ellie dead in the eyes, annoyed. Ellie laughed as she looked right back at you. “You like this a bit too much, don’t you?… “ When Ellie spoke, she put some dominance in her voice. Ellie wanted to let you know that she meant business. Ellie was still holding on to you. You tried to get away by trying to take her hands off of you.

“Oh now where are you going?… If you’re gonna behave like this, then I need to keep showing you your place…” Ellie kept her grip really tight on you. She spoke in a demanding way. You couldn’t go anywhere, Ellie wasn’t gonna let you. Ellie was enjoying herself too much. And for you being a brat she decided to throw you to the floor. “You’re starting to act like a bad brat now… “ Ellie was enjoying herself a lot. She then got off the couch and she walked over to you, picked you up and she put you on the couch again and she kept you in the same position you were in before. 

“Now, I’ll make sure you stay right there this time… “ You tried getting up. “Oh no, you’ll stay right where you are, sweetie… “  Ellie was in total control of you and she was having a ton of fun. You tried moving but you couldn’t break away from Ellie’s grasp. She laughed a lot when you tried escaping and it didn’t work. Ellie was in full control and she liked it a lot, she was having a lot of fun with you. “No escaping this time, you know that, right?” Ellie still had a smirk on her face as she spoke in a flirtatious tone. You nodded and looked at the ground.

“Oh look at that, you finally know your place… “ Ellie really liked this new side of yours. “Do you like being a submissive little brat now?… “  You nodded, still not making a sound. “Oh, you’re still being too quiet, I can do something about that… “ Ellie then slapped you across the face again. The slap was so hard that it left a red mark on your face. Ellie was grinning when she saw your expression.

“Is that better?… Are you gonna use your voice now?… “  You let out a tiny scream. Ellie laughed at this. She enjoyed the scream, it meant that she was actually having some effect on you. “Oh look, you do know how to use your voice!… “ Ellie was still smiling. Ellie thought you actually looked a bit cute right now with your face all red from her slaps. “Are you gonna be a good little submissive girl for me now?… “ You nodded with tears in your eyes. “Good girl… “ Ellie was very happy to hear and see this.  “But I wonder if there’s anything else you wanna do for me now?… “  You waited for Ellie’s commands.

“Oh I have an idea!… what I’m gonna do is I’m gonna put a collar leash on you and I’m gonna make you a good little pet for me… You will sit by my side on the floor and crawl behind me… “ Ellie had a smirk on her face as she spoke in a dominant way. “Do you wanna be a good little pet for me?… “ You nodded.

“Good girl… “ Ellie then got up and walked away to go get the leash and the collar. A moment later, Ellie came back, she had a collar in her hand and she put it around your neck tightly. Ellie, look at the leash then yanked on it to see the reaction on your face. “Alright, now walk right behind me, my little pet… “

“Yes daddy…” You said without thinking. “Oh, am I your daddy now?… “ Ellie stopped for a moment. Ellie had a huge smile on her face, she liked this very much. “Oh, I guess I am, but you should call me master not daddy, because you're my pet… “ Ellie then pulled on the leash again and she kept walking. Ellie pulled you along with her.  “Yes master…” You said after Ellie corrected you.

“Oh, you like being submissive, huh?… “  Ellie was enjoying this a lot and kept walking,she didn’t stop pulling on the leash. Ellie was trying to show her dominance here. Your neck was starting to hurt a little. “Oh, your neck hurts a little bit, does it?… “ Ellie then stopped and she looked down at you. Ellie looked really happy right now. “You really are such a good submissive pet. Aren’t you?… “ Ellie looked very happy when she said this, she was still playing with the leash and she wasn’t letting it go. You let out a tear.

“Oh… You’re actually crying a bit, aren’t you?… “ Ellie was smiling. Ellie spoke in a sarcastic way now. “Good job crying… Now, can you do anything else for me?… Like… beg a bit louder?… “ Ellie was still pulling on the leash. Ellie wanted a bigger show.  “I'm sorry master.”

“Oh, you’re apologizing to me…?… You know you shouldn’t cry now. If you wanna cry, you’ll do it later when I punish you for doing it … “ Ellie Laughed, she was enjoying this. Ellie went to yank on the leash again. “Now, what else are you gonna do for me?... Maybe beg harder?… “ Ellie was trying to get you to act even more submissive.  “Please master, don’t pull so hard…”

“Oh, you know… I was about to ask you to beg louder but now I think I’ll punish you for crying instead… “ Ellie continued to pull on the leash. Ellie had a smug smile on her face. She thought this was so much fun. “How about I give you some more pain for crying?… It’s time you stop doing that… “  You cried more as she pulled your neck.  “Aww… Are you crying because I’m hurting your little neck so much?…” Ellie was enjoying the crying, then she spoke in a sadist tone. “Well, I’m not going to stop hurting you until you learn… “ Ellie was still pulling on the leash with the same force. Ellie looked happy when she saw you crying.  “Yes master…” You were still crying.

“Oh you’re really crying now, huh?… “ Ellie was enjoying the power she had over you.  “Good girl… “ Ellie pulled back again on the leash. “I like playing with your leash… “ Ellie had a smirk on her face and wasn’t done yet with her fun. You looked up at Ellie, eyes still watering. “You are so submissive… You like being controlled like this, don’t you?… “ Ellie was still tugging on the leash and she moved closer to you. Ellie then put her hand on your cheek as she spoke in a flirtatious way. “You wanna be my little submissive pet, right, babe?… “

“Yes, I do.” You said when she asked leaning into her hand on your face for some comfort.  Ellie moved her head close to yours and her smile spread across, she was very happy to hear this. “Well, that’s good to know, babe… “ Ellie then put a finger on your mouth. “But I don’t want you to talk now…” You nodded and looked at the ground again. “Don’t look at the ground, sweetie, look at me… “ Ellie was smiling sinisterly.

“Look at your master, that’s right… “ You looked into Ellie’s eyes. Ellie was so happy when you looked back at her again.  “Good girl… “ Ellie smiled a lot and she then put her hand on your chin, just so she could make sure you looked at her face again and nowhere else. Ellie seemed happy to have your full attention. You waited for instructions not moving a muscle. “Oh dear, you’re a bit frozen there… I’m gonna have to warm you up, babe… “ Ellie then kissed you on the lips for a few seconds.  “You liked that, didn’t you?” Ellie smiled. “Well, there is more where that came from.” Ellie was still very focused on you. It looked like she was gonna do something else to you. You blushed at Ellie’s kiss. Ellie then gave the leash a tug and started to walk again with you. Ellie was happy to see you were blushing.  “You liked that kiss, I can tell, it turned your face red… Do you want more?… “ Ellie was starting to tease you. You stayed quiet not to anger Ellie. “Oh, I’m glad you’re staying quiet for me. I don’t like it when my pet is noisy… “ Ellie continued to talk in a flirty tone as she walked and gave the leash another rough tug.

“Can we agree that you belong to me now?… “ Ellie was trying to get you to give her a response. You nodded and looked up at Ellie.  “Oh, you agree with me, don’t you, babe?… “ She still seemed to enjoy this a lot. Ellie was thinking about what she could do next. “Should I reward you for agreeing with me?” Ellie looked at you now. “Do you want me to give you another kiss?…”   You said in a quiet tone, “Yes please ….”

“Oh, a kiss for agreeing with your master, huh?” Ellie was happy to hear this coming out from your mouth. “Well, if you insist, babe, I’ll give you your reward now… “ Ellie stopped and moved her head closer to you and she gave you another kiss on the lips. “You really like being rewarded like this, don’t you, babe?… “ You nodded embarrassed at how much you were enjoying this. “Oh, I can tell… You seem like the kind of girl that likes being punished and rewarded too… “ Ellie also liked this a lot, seeing you so embarrassed and enjoying the rewards you were given. Ellie thought you were looking so cute right now. “So, what if I gave you even more rewards?… Would you wanna see what else I could do for you while you are my submissive pet?… “

“Yes master.”

“Do you want more rewards?… “

“Yes please…”

“Oh good, you’re just so cute and submissive for me right now… “ Ellie then yanked on the leash again, she was having way too much fun with this. “So… Here’s another reward!… “ Ellie moved her head close to yours again  then gave you another kiss on the lips for a few seconds. You kissed Ellie back hungrily. Ellie was a little surprised but she liked it very much. Ellie kept kissing you for a few more seconds. She felt so happy when you kissed her back.  “Oh, someone must really like to be kissed by their master, huh?… “ Ellie said this in a flirtatious way, she continued to play with the leash. “Well, do you want anything else?… “

“Hurt me please ….” You said almost inaudibly.

“Oh, did I hear it right?  Someone wants to be hurt, huh?… “ Ellie was still grinning with the leash in her hand. “I might just give you what you’re asking for… “ Ellie continued to play with the leash. “But do you want me to be hard on you and leave you with bruises?… “ Ellie was speaking in a mean and smug tone. You simply nodded. “Oh… Are you actually being serious now, babe?… “ Ellie spoke with a sadist tone in her voice.

“Well, if that’s what you really want, then I’ll be a bit rough with you…” Ellie smiled after saying this but it was a cruel smile. You waited for Ellie’s instructions. “My little pet… I’m gonna treat you so bad with this leash. You’re gonna beg for me to stop eventually… But I’ll never stop, babe… “ Ellie kept smiling, she was very happy with this. Ellie also moved her finger back to your mouth and spoke in a harsh  and demanding tone. “Don’t say anything without your master saying you can speak, Ok?… “ Ellie was still grinning. You nodded, not saying one word. Ellie gave you another rough yank on the leash. 

“Do you know how to act like a good little pet?… If you wanna keep hanging out with me, you’re gonna need to behave… “ Ellie had a smug smile on her face as she continued to walk. You crawled as Ellie pulled the leash. Ellie was amazed to see you start to behave like an animal just for her. “Good girl, crawl for me, show me that you’re a submissive little pet… '' Ellie was still smiling, she liked this more than she could admit. Your hands and knees were starting to get sore. Ellie decided she wanted you to start experiencing some real pain.  “Well, my little pet, I don’t want your hands and knees all sore, do I?… I know what I’m gonna do about this… “ Ellie gave the leash yet another rough yank. You waited. Ellie was trying to think about what she wanted to do to you in terms of punishment now. Then Ellie’s eyes lit up.  “Oh, I’ve got a fun idea for how I can get rid of those sore hands and knees for you… “ Ellie continued; “You wanna hear that idea and see what’s going to happen to you?”  You nodded eagerly.

“Okay then, here’s my idea. You’ll only have to go around on your knees for a while, not on all fours… “ Ellie then took her foot and stepped on your hands very hard. Ellie had a very sadistic grin on her face. As she stepped off of your hands, she spoke in a dominant way again. “C’mon, you heard me, walk on your knees. You’re a submissive pet and that’s what I want you to be… “ You just got on your knees and started to move. Your knees still really hurt though. “Oh, you’re finally walking for me. I knew you could do it, my pet… “ Ellie continued to speak in a dominant tone of voice. “You’re still crying, I’m guessing it really hurts, huh?… “ Ellie kept a smug look on her face the whole time. You nodded still crying. Ellie giggled before she yanked the leash even harder this time. Ellie then moved away from you and spoke in a more harsh tone towards you.

“I hope you remember that you should only speak when I say you can… “ Ellie continued to walk with a grin to see you just walking on your knees now. You cried. Ellie gave the leash a rough yank, she still had that smug smile on her face. Ellie was speaking in a cruel tone now, there was a darkness in her eyes. “Why don’t you stop crying?… Don’t you know that you can get punished for that?… “ Ellie continued to be dominant and harsh. You tried to calm down, but she was really hurting you. “Oh, I guess you wanna feel worse, huh? What a little brat… “ Ellie smiled before she gave the leash another rough yank. Ellie was being much more cruel to you now. “I can do so much worse if you’re not gonna calm down, you know… “ Ellie still had the same smug look on her face. You put your hand on your neck to try and soothe the pain. Ellie noticed you touching your sore neck.  “Oh, I like seeing you hurt, it’s fun to see my pet in pain.. “ Ellie gave the leash yet another yank.

“Ow….” You hissed. “Did I hurt you too bad, babe?… “ Ellie was still smiling with evil in her eyes. “Well, I don’t want you to be hurting too much, do I?” Ellie then gave the leash yet another rough pull. Ellie was now more in a sadistic tone and her grin started to spread again. “Well, it’s time for me to punish you in another way.. “ Ellie looked happy that she was able to inflict so much pain on you. Ellie was really enjoying herself.  “Maybe I should hurt you more then… “ You tried to pull yourself together. Ellie noticed that and then slapped you again. The slap was a bit harder this time.  “Do you still want more?… “  You screamed a bit at the sudden hit. Ellie was happy that you were giving her a show. She didn’t see this before in you. Ellie wanted to have more fun with you so she kept going. She gave you another slap on your other cheek, this slap was also just as hard. Ellie continued smiling as she looked down at you. “Fuck…” You sighed after she hit you.

“I guess you still want more, huh…?… You still have so much pride left to lose then… “ You looked Ellie dead in the eyes, annoyed.. Ellie laughed as she looked right back at you. “You like this a bit too much, don’t you?… “ Ellie kept talking in a flirtatious way, she wanted to let you know that she meant business. Ellie held you in place. You tried to get away. “No escaping this time, you know that, right?” Ellie still had that evil smirk on her face. You nodded and looked at the ground.

“Oh, you’re still being too quiet, I can do something about that… “ Ellie then slapped you across the face again. The slap was so hard that it left a red mark on your face. “Is that better?… Are you gonna use your voice now?… “ You let out a tiny scream at the pain. Ellie laughed at you. She enjoyed the scream, it meant that she was actually having some effect on you. “Oh look, you do know how to use your voice!… “ Ellie was still smiling. Ellie thought you actually looked even cuter right now that she was very mean to you.

“I'm sorry master.” You said looking at your lap.

“Oh, you’re apologizing to me…?… You know you shouldn’t cry now. If you wanna cry, you’ll do it later and I’ll punish you for it… “ Ellie Laughed, she was enjoying this. Ellie went to yank on the leash again. “Now, what else are you gonna do for me?... Maybe beg harder?… “ Ellie was trying to get you to act even more submissive and humiliate you.  “Please master, don’t pull so hard…”

“Oh, you know… I was about to ask you to beg louder but now I think I’ll punish you for crying instead… “ Ellie continued to pull on the leash with the smug smile still on her face. Ellie thought this was so much fun. “How about I give you some more pain for crying?… It’s time you stop doing that… “ You cried more, you couldn't help it, your face and neck really hurt.

“Aww… Are you crying because I’m hurting your little neck so much?…” Ellie was enjoying the crying. Ellie spoke in a sadist tone again. “Well, I’m not going to stop hurting you until you learn… “ Ellie was still pulling on the leash with the same force. Ellie looked happy when she saw you crying because of her.

“Yes master…” You said still sniffling.

“Oh you’re really crying now, huh?… “ Ellie was enjoying the power she had over you.  “Good girl… “ Ellie pulled back again on the leash.  “I like playing with your leash, you know… “ Ellie had a smirk on her face, she wasn’t done yet with her fun. You looked up at Ellie.

“You are so submissive… You like being controlled like this, don’t you?… “ Ellie was still tugging on the leash and she moved closer to you. Ellie then put her hand on your cheek. “You wanna be my little submissive pet, right, babe?…” She stroked your skin gently admiring the mark she left earlier.

“Yes, I do.” You waited for instructions not moving one muscle.

“Oh dear, you’re a bit frozen there… I’m gonna have to warm you up, babe… “ Ellie then kissed you on the lips for a few seconds.  “You liked that, didn’t you?” Ellie smiled. “Well, there is more where that came from.” Ellie was still very focused on you and it looked like she was gonna do something else to you.

“Oh, I can tell… You seem like the kind of girl that likes being punished and rewarded too… “ Ellie also liked this a lot, seeing you so embarrassed and enjoying the rewards. Ellie thought you were so cute right now, a crying mess. Ellie had a big smile on her face. “So, what if I gave you even more rewards?… Would you wanna see what else I could do for you while you are my submissive?… “

“Yes master!” You say as you get a bit excited for her to give you more kisses.

“Oh good, you look just so cute and submissive to me right now… “ Ellie was having loads of fun with this, with you.   “So… Here’s another reward!… “ Ellie moved her head close to yours again. Ellie then gave you another kiss on the lips for a few seconds. You kissed Ellie back hungrily. “Well, do you want anything else?… “ She asked as a smirk appeared on her face.

“Hurt me please ….” You said very ashamed, looking at your lap again. You let out a single tear just from sheer embarrassment.

“Oh, someone wants to be hurt, huh?… “ Ellie was grinning with the leash in her hand.  “I might just give you what you’re asking for… “ Ellie continued to play with the leash. “But do you want me to be hard on you and leave you with bruises?… “ Ellie was speaking in a mean tone now. “Why don’t you stop crying?… Don’t you know that you can get punished for that?… “ Ellie continued to be dominant and harsh. You tried to calm down, but she was really hurting you.

“Oh, I guess you wanna feel worse, huh? What a little brat… “ Ellie was still smiling before she gave the leash another rough yank. Ellie was being much more cruel now, she liked the power she felt over you. “I can do so much worse if you’re not gonna calm down, you know… “ Ellie still had the same smug look on her face. You put your hand on your neck to try and soothe the pain. “Did I hurt you too bad, babe?… “ Ellie still had that same smug look on her face. “Well, I don’t want you to be hurting too much, do I?” She then gave the leash another rough yank. Ellie was now more sadistic than ever. “Well, it’s time for me to punish you in another way.. “ You were a bit afraid now.

“Are you scared of me, my pet?… Oh, don’t worry, there’s no need to be, you’ll get used to the pain and you’ll start to like it… “ Ellie was talking in the same sadist tone she then started to tighten the collar around your neck even more. Ellie seemed to be planning something for you. You waited for Ellie, trying not to move.

“Oh, you better stay still, my pet… Or else… “ Ellie had an evil grin on her face. She kept tightening it around your neck. You felt the pain get worse the tighter it got. Ellie gave the leash another hard yank, this one hurt more than the others.

“Ow…” You winced in pain and closed your eyes tight. Ellie still had the same evil grin on her face.

“Oh, that look on your face tells me that you’re in pain. Do you like the pain I’m giving you right now?… “ You nodded, still with your eyes closed. Ellie then tightened the leash even more, making you feel even more pain. She was very happy with this. “Say it for me, my pet, say how much you like the pain.”

“I love the pain master...” Ellie was very happy with this. “Oh, yes, I love to hear you say it… “ Ellie kept slowly pulling the leash. “How much do you love the pain, my pet? Tell me more.”

“I love it so very much master, thank you for hurting me….” Ellie’s grin spread to the maximum she had ever had. Ellie was very proud of her pet’s words. The darkness in her eyes grew. “Such kind words I’m hearing from you right now, my pet… You’re gonna need to keep proving it though… “ You looked up at Ellie’s eyes. Ellie was looking down at you and still had the same evil and predatory look on her face.

“You really are a very submissive girl, aren’t you, my pet?… I think you might really love the pain after all… “ You winced in pain and started to cry. Ellie’s grin spread once again. “Oh, you like it when I hurt you that much, do you?!… “ Ellie kept pulling the leash, making you suffer some more.  “Well, I’m gonna give you more of what you want… “ Ellie wanted to hit you across the face, she just suddenly felt the urge to do it.

“Would you like me to hit you across the face?… I feel like you're really needing it, this is, if you’re not too scared… “ Ellie spoke in a smug tone. Ellie was enjoying watching you suffer and teasing you. Ellie yanked the leash again hard, so that you would be hurting. You nodded at her question.

“So, you do want me to be aggressive and cruel to you, don't you, my pet?” Ellie kept the tight leash on. Ellie was smiling with satisfaction. “I could do so much to you right now… “

“Yes please…” you said in a really low tone.  Ellie was smiling with pleasure and the evil look in her eyes appeared once more. Ellie then kicked you in the stomach. Ellie enjoyed watching you suffer and she had a bit of a sadistic look on her face as she did this attack. “Did that feel good to you too, my pet?… “ You fell to the ground grunting and then wrapped your arms around your belly in pain. Ellie continued to enjoy watching her pet suffer for a while. Ellie then walked up to her pet, who was now laying on the ground. Ellie was still smiling viciously as she spoke to you from above.

“Are you gonna need to take care of your little wound now?… Are you gonna cry for me and beg me to help with that?… “  You were sobbing now, you didn't expect to be kicked at all. “Oh yes, just cry for me, my pet. Cry hard, I wanna hear you beg for mercy, don’t stop crying yet, please… “ Ellie continued to smile sadistically once again.

“I love to hear my pet in pain… It makes you seem so submissive and I love that… “ Ellie was speaking in a mean tone again. “Do you want more pain from your master?… “ You just laid there in pain and crying. “Your pain is amusing me… I think I might want to hurt you more… You should always want more pain from me, my little pet. I’m the best you’re ever gonna get… “ You couldn’t stop the tears from falling from your eyes as Ellie spoke. “Your tears are so entertaining, my pet. I love how your face becomes covered in them when you cry, I really do. I wanna see more of those tears… “ You kept crying louder. “Yes, keep crying for me. It sounds so good to hear. I wonder if I can even make you louder than this… “ Ellie was enjoying this a lot, she stepped on your stomach to make sure you were in a lot of pain as she pulled the leash again. 

“Please, don’t pull on the leash any more, master. It really hurts, please…” Ellie chuckled when she heard you plead for her to stop. Ellie looked like she was only filled with evil, her eyes were dark and scared you. “Awwww, poor baby… You don’t want me to do that but it’s so fun to see you suffer. Maybe I’ll give you a little more pain… “ Ellie tightened the leash on you again. “This pain is gonna make me love your voice even more, so I’m gonna get you to keep begging if I can… “ You screamed in pain. Ellie was really enjoying hearing your voice like this. Ellie got a  grin on her face again.

“Awwww, you’re such a cute and good little pet. You’ve given me exactly what I wanted… “  Ellie spoke with a cruel voice. Ellie then released the leash. “I’m gonna help you with that pain, but I still want to hear you beg in that adorable voice of yours, so I’ll hurt you again before I help. Okay, babe?… “

“Yes master… Thank you...” You say a bit relieved.

“Awwww, look, you said it so sweetly, I really like that… ” Ellie continued to speak with a cruel voice.  “Oh, I wanna hurt you before we get that pain taken care of. So I’ll be pulling on the leash again at some unexpected moments, so stay nice and prepare for that pain, alright, babe?... Good girl, now I’m gonna help get that pain out of you…” Ellie took the collar off of your neck for a bit. Then got closer to you and placed her hands on your stomach. Ellie gave a bit of a massage to your stomach, trying to fix up some of the pain that she had done.  “So, do you feel any better yet, babe?” Ellie kept her cruel voice up.

“A bit…” You said, still crying. “A bit sounds like you wanna see me hurt you again… You must be addicted to the pain now, aren’t you, babe?” Ellie continued to have that cruel voice. “We can always take care of this pain, but you must keep enjoying the pain for a while. Are you ready, my pet?” Ellie had a little smile on her face now as she looked at your red face. “No more leash please, I’m begging you…”

“But, babe, the leash is such a useful tool for a master. Are you really gonna try and take it away from me before I can even use it more?… “ Ellie continued to talk to you still laying on the ground, with the cruel voice she was using. “Oh, come on, you’ve been begging for pain this whole time and now you want to change your mind?… “

“I want pain, I just don’t want the leash please…” Ellie giggled after she heard you say that you wanted pain. “Awwww, that is so adorable. I’m glad you want pain… “ Ellie then crouched down a bit to get up to your level.  “Do you really think you can escape this leash, though…? “Ellie held it in her hand again for you to see, she still had her cruel tone of voice up. You looked up scared.  “Awwww, scared of your master? Don’t worry, you won’t get hurt, my pet. You’ll just get punished.” Ellie was still smiling with satisfaction.

“You’re my pet, you deserve to be punished and I can make you feel pain in many different ways, including this leash… “ You started crying and begging Ellie to not put the collar back on you. “Awwww, I love that you’re crying again. Your cries are so pretty… Keep crying then. You better cry hard and loud…” Ellie then stood up, she was thinking about what to do to her pet. Ellie then got a new idea for something to do to you. Ellie had a big and happy smile on her face now and she turned to you. Ellie then stepped up closer to you again. “Hey, you know what we could try?… A spanking… “ You looked at Ellie surprised.

“Yes, I’m thinking I should give you a real spanking… “  Ellie was still smiling and speaking with her cruel voice.  “I think you’re quite deserving of it and I honestly wanna try it now… “ You looked down and nodded, still crying.  “Good, I’m glad you want a spanking, my pet. We’re gonna have a lot of fun with this… “ Ellie stepped even closer to you.  “Well, shall we get you to your knees and start this spanking session?… “ You got on your knees as Ellie commanded. Ellie was now sitting on the couch in front of you. Ellie’s big smile grew even bigger.  “Oh my, you look so adorable in this position. I have to say though, I’m looking forward to hurting you, it’s gonna be so much fun. Do you think you’ll be able to handle my spankings, my pet?… “  You didn’t know. You just looked at Ellie still crying. Ellie was still smiling with satisfaction as she spoke to You. “We’ll see how you like this, my pet… Get ready, here comes your first spank. I want you to remember that you asked for this, okay?… “ Ellie pulled you so you'd be over her legs, then she raised her hand as she got ready to spank your ass. Ellie hit your ass as hard as she could. You screamed in pain. Ellie was smiling and she was very happy with herself.

“Oh, how was that, my pet? It hurt, didn’t it?… “ Ellie had the cruel tone in her voice again. You were crying and tugging at Ellie’s leg really hard trying not to scream. Ellie started to give you more spanks on your ass. “I’m gonna keep making you cry, so you might as well give up your resistance, my pet. You’re gonna take these spankings and they’re gonna hurt.” Ellie didn’t seem to wanna stop spanking you any time soon. You tried not to move anymore but you were starting to shake uncontrollably from fear and pain. Ellie noticed that you were shaking from the pain. Ellie continued to have the cruel look in her eyes as she spanked your ass once again. “Are you shaking? This spanking really must be hurting a lot for you then.” Ellie’s big smile grew once again. “Good!… “ You couldn’t stop shaking. “Awww, poor girl… You look so cute when you’re shaking from pain. This spanking must be so painful for a sub as weak as you… I love seeing it… “ Ellie continued to spank you, while smiling and talking with her new cruel tone. Ellie wanted this to keep going for a long while.

“Ah!….. It hurts. Please master. I can’t take it anymore…” Ellie chuckled when she heard you begging for the spankings to stop. Ellie was enjoying making her pet’s ass hurt so much, she wasn't going to stop. “You wanna stop?.. No, no. We’re gonna keep going for a bit longer… “ Ellie was smiling the whole time, she then spanked you even harder. You sobbed as Ellie hit you. Ellie kept smiling as she spanked you harder and harder. “Does this hurt, my pet? Are you in so much pain?… “ Ellie kept spanking you. Ellie enjoyed the sound of your sobs. “Fuck… Ellie please… it’s enough….” You cried and tried to get out of her lap but she was  holding you tight.

“What 's that? Is it too much? Do you want me to stop?… “ Ellie was still smiling quite a lot. “I think your ass is quite red at this point. I hope you’re in A LOT of pain because the last thing that I want is to end these spankings earlier than I have to. Your master is enjoying your pain very much right now… “ Your ass was so red that blood was almost coming out of the marks Ellie left there.

“Oh my, you’re really hurt, aren’t you, dear? Your ass is so red, I think I’ve given you quite a bit of pain there hum? You must be loving every second of it… “ Ellie was smiling with a cruel look in her eyes. “Well, I’m not done here yet, so you better be ready for more pain… “ Ellie stood up in front of you,  and ordered you to get on your knees again on the ground. “We’re gonna move on to the belt… “ Ellie started to take her belt off of her pants. You looked up at Ellie very scared as she took it off. “Oh, you don’t need to be afraid. We’re gonna have a lot of fun with this…” Ellie now had her belt in her hands and she was getting ready to use it. Ellie had a smug and cruel voice and she looked at you on your knees for her.

“Get ready, babe, cause here comes the belt… “ She sat back on the couch and pulled you into her lap again, ass up. You braced for impact. Ellie started spanking you with the belt. She was now smiling mischievously, and she had a mean tone. “Oh, this is gonna hurt a lot, my pet. We’re gonna have so much fun with these spankings, this is gonna be the best day ever… “ You didn’t have the strength to fight back anymore, you just let Ellie do as she pleased. “Oh, you’re so weak and so submissive for your master. You love to take your spankings and you’re starting to accept the pain that you’ve earned… “ Ellie then gave you another hard and unexpected spanking with the belt. Ellie was having a lot of fun hearing your screams. Your body was starting to go limp, you didn’t have the strength to fight back anymore. “Oh, you’re starting to go limp, my pet? Are these spankings too painful for you? Would you feel better if I didn’t do them?… “ Ellie was still smiling with satisfaction when she saw that your body was starting to go limp and that you were starting to run out of energy. Ellie didn’t stop her attacks right away, she wanted to give you as many more spanks as possible, so she just kept spanking you for now. You didn’t even have energy to respond. Ellie was still smiling as she was spanking her pet without mercy.  “These spankings are so satisfying… I could go for a while longer, I’m having a lot of fun here…” Ellie kept spanking you with the belt and she wanted to do this for a while, she didn’t want to stop too fast.

“Please…. “ You managed to let out. Ellie now noticed that you were able to let out that word. “Hmm? You used your voice?… You wanted to say ‘please’?… I wonder what you wanted… Did you like all of these spankings? Was it that enjoyable for you, my pet?… “ Ellie stopped spanking you for the moment so that she could hear your response.

“I can’t take…. Any…. Anymore… “ You spoke very quietly and slowly. You were exhausted.

“Did you say that you can’t take any more?” Ellie was confused because she was expecting a different response. “What’s that? You don’t like these spankings? We can definitely keep going, my pet. You said that you wanted pain, but you’re starting to say ‘no more’ now?… “ Ellie went back to spanking you again. She wanted to punish you for not wanting her spankings anymore. You hissed as you felt the belt again. “Awwww, you’re hissing in pain again, my pet? I knew it, you’re enjoying these spankings a lot, aren’t you?… “ Ellie smiled again and she kept spanking you with the belt harder.

“You’re in quite a bit of pain now, aren’t you, babe?… “ You nodded while you were sobbing and crying out. “Well, I’m glad that you’re hurt and that you’re enjoying the pain that I’m giving you, my pet. These spankings are a lot of fun for a master like me… “ Ellie was smiling and she kept spanking you with the belt.  “It makes me so happy to hurt you like this…” Ellie saw how aroused you were getting. She noticed the wet patch forming on your white lace panties. Ellie’s eyes widened and her smile grew even more when she saw that you were aroused while you were getting hit with the belt.

“Well, look at that. You’re still aroused while I’m hitting you with this belt? Does it turn you on so much when your master hurts you, my pet? You still want more?” Ellie was still smiling. “No worries, I’ll do what you want…” Ellie gave you another spank with the belt. Your screams and the smacks of the belt were the only sounds in the room. Ellie kept hitting you with the belt and she enjoyed hearing your screams as she did so. “Oh, is that another scream? I’m guessing you’re really enjoying these spankings then… Well I’ll make sure to keep punishing you with the belt, my pet… “ Ellie kept smiling quite a lot while she was doing this. Ellie rubbed her hand over your ass and she smiled once she saw it had some blood coming out of the belt marks and that there were some bruises forming.

“Awww, look at that, you have some bruises on your ass now. You’re all gonna be red and purple after these spankings… “ Ellie then started to spank you with the belt again. “I’ll make sure to keep hitting you with this belt until your ass is bleeding enough for my liking. We still have a while to go, my pet… “  You screamed. ”Please Ellie, no more spankings, it hurts too much....”

“Hmm? Oh, we can’t stop now. I want to make sure that your ass is red all over. Just think about it, I’ll make your ass hurt so badly and then you’re gonna think about me every time you sit down for the next two weeks…” Ellie continued.  “Are you sure that you don’t want any more spankings, babe?… “ Ellie saw how much you were crying and how purple your ass was getting.

“Awww, you’re so pathetic, my pet. Are you crying because I’m hurting you? I’m going to make sure that I hurt you quite a bit more… “ Ellie just kept hitting you.  “You’re gonna feel this pain for a good while, my pet. Your ass is gonna be sore for a good while… “ Your ass started to go numb from all the spanking Ellie was doing. “Oh, your ass is going numb now? Well, that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop. In fact, I wanna do this for a really long time. I’m gonna push your limits…Just think about it, you’re going to have a sore and numb ass for several days now.”

“Fuck… please…” You cried out in the hopes she would stop. “Awwww, is the pain a little too much for you then? You think you can’t do this anymore? Do you want me to spare you from the pain now, my pet?… “ Ellie was smirking and she was smiling as she spanked you, her eyes dark and cruel. “There’s a lot more spanking to be done here. I’m not done yet.”

“Please master, I need a bit to rest…” You begged again. Ellie then stopped spanking you. “Fine, you can have a little rest then…” Ellie still had the same cruel tone as before and she kept smirking. “We still have quite a while to go, my pet. You’re not going anywhere for a bit. I’ll give you enough time to recover from these spankings and I’ll start up again. I have a lot more planned… “ Ellie started thinking of other ways to hurt you. “I wonder what else I can do to hurt my cute little pet. There are so many good ways to do that… “ Ellie was thinking quite a lot about it.

“Maybe I could hit your ass some more first or maybe I could try out other ways of hurting you… “ Ellie got up and laid you on the couch and went to get ropes. “These will be a lot of fun.” Ellie came back with a few pairs of ropes. “Let’s see how much you can handle pain in multiple places at once without being able to move…” Ellie was smirking quite a lot as she got ready to hurt you in new ways. Ellie started tying your hands and arms behind your back. “Let’s see how much these hurt, my pet… I’m sure that you will be in a lot of pain… “ Ellie kept hurting your hands and arms with the ropes as she tightened them. You started to scrunch your face in pain. “Oh, I’m enjoying your pain so far, love… If that’s just your arms, then what’s gonna happen if I start hurting your legs and your body now too?… “ You started tearing up from how tight the ropes were. “Awww, are your arms starting to hurt now, are they too tight now?… “ Ellie kept tightening the ropes around your arms until she couldn't anymore.

“Your arms are gonna be hurting so bad in just a few more seconds and you’ll be begging for me to make it stop and untie you…” Ellie had that cruel tone in her voice again. “You’re so submissive for your master…” Your arms started getting red. “Your arms are gonna be all red and you’re gonna be crying even more, I know it already… I can’t wait to see you cry from all of this pain, babe… I’m gonna hurt you so much, it’s gonna feel amazing to me…” Ellie then started tying your legs.

“Awww, ready for me to do your legs now? Let’s see how painful these ropes are for your legs. You’re gonna be in so much pain because of me…” Ellie continued to be very cruel to you and she kept tightening up the ropes roughly. “You’re really starting to like this pain, aren’t you, babe? My slut loves to be hurt and I am going to hurt you a lot,… “  You liked when Ellie called you a slut. Ellie knew that you liked it when you were called names and it made her like causing pain to you even more. Ellie continued to tie up your legs and she kept hurting you as much as she could in the process. “You like to be mistreated, don’t you, my slut? You like when your master abuses you and causes you pain… “ You nodded, you loved being her slut, her toy to use whenever she wanted. Ellie got a piece of fabric and tied it over your mouth so you couldn’t speak, she tied your mouth so tight that you couldn’t say anything, only moan and make sounds, even as you were being abused with all of the pain you were receiving. Ellie was smirking with a cruelness and darkness in her eyes.

“Awww, do you like when your master keeps your mouth shut like this? You like being punished and you love being hurt?… “ You nodded, starting to cry again. “Your nod didn’t look very clear. So I’m gonna ask you again, you want to be hurt, don’t you, my slut? You’re so submissive for me when I mistreat you like this… “ You nodded in compliance.

“Ah, you want to be hurt more then? Okay, I think we can do this for quite a long while then. But first off, you’re gonna receive more spankings!” Ellie then sat on the couch again and pulled you into her lap once more. Then she grabbed the belt and started hitting you again with it.  “Oh, you’re in so much pain now, aren’t you, my pet? You’re gonna be so sore and red all over after these spankings and it’s gonna hurt so much for you…” You screamed and cried. “Oh, you’re crying and yelling already? We’re just getting started with these spankings. If you’re in this much pain already, then I’m excited to see you all hurt and sore by the time I’m done with you… “ Your ass was already sore from the previous spanking.

“Awww, your ass is hurting from your previous spankings, my pet? Well, don’t worry, I will do my best to give you even more pain… “ Ellie then continued to hit you with her belt. “You’re gonna be all sore now, I’m hitting your ass quite a lot, aren’t I, my pet?… “ You cried harder and she loved your muffled screams. “Oh, my goodness. You’re crying so loudly already. You need me to stop these spankings to let you have a break or can we keep going?… “ Ellie spoke with a sarcastic tone. “Your tears and your moaning are so sweet to me, my pet. I’m gonna keep hitting your ass though, no way I’m stopping yet… “ You were starting to get very aroused. Ellie kept spanking you and she noticed that you were getting very aroused again. “Oh, is my pet getting the feelings right now? Is my pet so happy to receive all of my attention?” Ellie felt very satisfied knowing that you were getting aroused when you were being abused by her. You were feeling very turned on and looked at the floor ashamed for loving the pain and the degrading so much.

“Oh, are you feeling embarrassed? I thought you were having the time of your life.” Ellie was speaking in a very sadistic way as she smirked. “I won’t judge you for being so turned on by my abuse though… “ Ellie continued to spank and hit you hard with the belt. You moan and scream in pain. “Oh, you’re making some really loud noises now, I bet everyone in the neighbor's house can hear you. You’re so loud, aren’t you, my pet… “ Ellie kept spanking you. “I guess that you do like it when I hurt you, don’t you, my slut? You like feeling the pain… “ Ellie was starting to get really turned on as well. “Oh, my goodness. I think I’m also starting to get aroused… What a pair we are, my pet… We’re both so excited by each other… you for being abused and me from abusing you… “ Ellie’s voice changed a bit at the end, she had a more soft and lustful tone for a moment. Ellie kept spanking you with the belt but she slowed down a bit.  Ellie started touching your pussy through your panties. At this point they were soaked. It was a bit sore too, the belt was hurting you there as well but it just made you more wet, to feel your pussy throbbing.

“Fuck.. “ You tried to say with the rag in your mouth. Ellie looked down at you and she noticed that you were trying to say something, even with your mouth fully covered. “Hm? You’re trying to speak? What do you want to say, my pet?” She was speaking softly now that she saw that you were trying to say something. You tried pleading her to stop. Ellie then took the fabric off of your mouth and waited for you to speak. “What was that? You want me to stop the pain? I can’t do that. I think we need to keep this going for a while… “ Ellie smiled in a wicked way as she spoke to you.   “It hurts too much, please.” You cried, trying to move your hands, but that only made them hurt more.

“Oh, I think it’s just starting to be the right amount of pain. I want you to be punished for longer and I want your ass to be a lot more sore. I’m not stopping this now… “ Ellie smiled and kept hitting you with the belt. You screamed louder and louder with each hit. “Oh, my goodness. Those screams from all of the pain are so loud! Maybe the whole neighborhood is hearing them right now…  Oh, look at how red your ass is. Well, don’t worry, we are far from done, my pet… “ You were sobbing as she kept going. “Oh, your tears are so cute and delicious… It makes me so happy to hit you and to see you crying in pain. I’m not stopping… “ Ellie kept spanking you and she really wanted to hurt and punish you. Ellie started feeling her boxers getting soaked too, she was enjoying this too much. “Oh, it’s still not red enough though. I gotta hit you a lot harder for that…”

“Fuck… please !…” You begged. “You’re so cute when you beg like this, my pet. But I can’t stop this now, I have to keep going. I am your master and this is my wish…” You nodded in compliance, wincing at every hit. “Oh, you’re wincing? Well, then, this is just starting to hurt, my pet. But remember, I have to keep going for quite a while and your ass will be incredibly sore.” You think your ass was abused enough by now, it really really hurt. “Oh, you think your ass has been abused enough now? Well, it doesn’t seem like that to me, love… We still have a long while to go, my pet… “

“Please….. it hurts so much, please stop..” You begged even more. “What is that? Your ass hurts too much? Well, I already knew that it was hurting you quite a bit, and I’m not gonna stop. I’ve already said, you’re gonna be in pain for a good while. But I’m not done yet, don’t worry… '' Ellie kept hitting you with the belt in an even harsher way now, she seemed to enjoy it quite a lot. She paused for a moment as she looked at your underwear almost transparent from being so wet.  Ellie pulled your panties to the side and collected some of the slick in her fingers. “Fuck baby… look at this mess.” Ellie started massaging your clit for a bit and then pumped two fingers inside you without warning, You were so wet they went right in.. You screamed in pleasure and jumped when you felt her inside you. “Oh my pet is so wet for me… i knew you were loving it… I'm going to make you cum now, yes?” Ellie started going fast and without mercy to make you cum as fast as possible. She was mesmerized by your pussy. It was glistening with the dim light of the room you were in. You were starting to feel a knot form in your stomach. “Fuck, Ellie… That feels so good.” Ellie didn't like you calling her by her first name and spanked you again as hard as she could. “Its master for you missy. now shut up and let me abuse your little hole.” Ellie continued fucking you whith her fingers until you couldn’t take it anymore. “Master im cumming… ah…fuck…” You felt the knot come undone as she abused your tight hole but Ellie didn't stop, She inserted a third finger wanting you to get very overstimulated and sore until you cried. “Master please… it's too much…” You moaned and tears started forming in her eyes. “Please stop….” You begged again for her to have mercy on you. You felt your orgasm washing over you as she overstimulated you, wanting you to suffer as well as get pleasure out of it. Ellie realized her pet was starting to cry and was very happy. She felt like she had done her job right. Ellie spanked you for a few minutes more feeling proud of herself and stopped eventually. Ellie was finally done spanking you and she felt very proud of herself and satisfied in the way she hurt you by this point.

“And we’re done… And I’m proud of myself as your master for causing you this pain. Your butt is very hot and red now, this has all been worth it. And you’ve been very obedient… “ Ellie put the belt to the side and she smirked again. She pushed you out of her lap onto the ground as you cried.

“How do you feel now, my pet?” You cried lying on the floor. Ellie was starting to feel a bit guilty for hurting you so much now that you were crying because of her. “Oh, are you okay, my pet? How does your butt feel after that treatment?… “ Ellie sat down next to you to see how you were now.  “Can you please take off the ropes? They really really hurt…” You asked, looking at her not being able to move.

“Oh, the ropes around your arms and legs hurt you too? Well, I have to punish and hurt you in more than just one way when we play, my pet… I’m not taking them off, they will stay a bit longer just so you can feel the pain.” Ellie was speaking in a cruel tone and with a sinister smile, she thought that it was right for her to keep you in pain for a bit longer. She liked seeing you all tied up, incapable of moving.  You noticed Ellie had her pocket knife in her pocket and you tried to get it out. “What are you doing now? You were gonna give me a scare, I was afraid you were going to cut something with that pocket knife… “ Ellie seemed concerned for a moment.

“I thought at first you were going to cut your ropes free, but I want to keep it that way. You’re not going anywhere yet, my pet… “ Ellie spoke in a cruel tone and she still had a sinister smile as she took the pocket knife from you. You were afraid of the knife now that it was in the picture. “I love seeing the fear in your eyes, love. I’m not here to let you go, I’m not here to free you in any way. I’m here to hurt you…” Ellie seemed a lot less soft now than she was earlier. “This won’t be over for a while still, it’s been just a little more than an hour and you’re not that hurt yet. You’re gonna be in way more pain after a few hours more of this… “

“Ellie please…” You cried, you liked it but it was starting to be too much.

“Oh, are you trying to say something more now? You can’t just beg for me to stop and hope that I stop, my pet. I’m still gonna torture you for a very long while… “ Ellie kept you on her couch and she seemed determined to do this now more than before.  “Oh, and those tears are very cute, you’re just making the experience even better for me… “ Ellie stood back and admired the way that your ass looked after being spanked and abused. It was very red and sore to the touch. Ellie was smiling in a more sinister and sadistic way and she felt proud of herself.

“Oh, my pet is so mistreated. I’m glad I could do this to her cute ass… “ Ellie was looking at the pocket knife that she had just taken away from you.  “What was that for?” Ellie spoke in a cruel and stern tone, she wanted an answer from you. You didn’t answer, you were tired.

“Oh, you like ignoring me, do you, my pet? Do you think you can just ignore me and then you’ll be fine? Well, I’m telling you right now, you won’t be able to ignore me or my treatments…” Ellie spoke in a cruel tone and she was smiling while saying all of this. “You’re just gonna have to take this punishment until I say it’s enough. Is that understood?” You looked at Ellie, angry.

“Oh, so you’re looking at me with an angry tone? Is it that you want to be rude like that to your master? Well, I am still the one in control here and I will not tolerate you being disrespectful like that… “ Ellie spoke in a more serious and angry tone after this. “You’re gonna be in pain for as long as I want, do you understand that, my pet?… “ Ellie got close to your face.  “Let me tell you one thing, my pet, no one talks back to their master, they know that they only need to shut up and take this punishment for being such a bad girl.” Ellie was still in a more serious, stern tone now that she was very close to you.

You spat on Ellie’s face and laughed at her. Ellie was completely stunned and in anger from what you had just done. She was mad at this disrespect from you but she was also in shock from being spat on.  “Oh, you did not just do that you little slut! I am your domme and I am supposed to be fully respected! Who do you even think you are?… “ You smiled happy with yourself. still chuckling at her.   “I can’t believe the way you’re smiling. Do you not understand how mad I am at you right now? I’m not smiling at all, but you are.” Ellie still had a very angry tone and she wasn’t smiling back at your face anymore. “You’re not gonna get out of this punishment so easily, I hope you understand that… “

“What are you going to do? I’m so scared.” You teased, to make her angry and annoyed. “Oh, you think you can act all cocky now? Well, I’ll show you!” Ellie had changed from being angry into a rather excited mood.  “I’m gonna punish you more for spitting at me, but I’m not gonna use the belt anymore. No, I’ll be way more creative than that…”  Ellie seemed to think about using her pocket knife on you for a few minutes. She wanted to use the knife in some way since she had already taken it away from you. She thought of many different things she could do for punishment. Maybe it would be better to wait until later for the knife, but what should she do now? Ellie slapped you with her hand to start off, to punish you for spitting on her.  “Oh, did you just think you could spit in my face and it would be okay? I’m gonna teach you a lesson, my pet… “ You looked up at Ellie, really mad.

“Oh, you’re gonna look at me in anger? You really don’t know who you’re talking to, do you? I am your domme and it’s my duty to make you suffer as much as I can and want… “ Ellie felt power and confidence while speaking in this very stern tone. You noticed the knife on Ellie’s hand.  “Oh, are you looking at how I still have my pocket knife? You know that I’m gonna do something with it, don’t you, my pet?…” Ellie seemed excited when she mentioned the knife and she smiled a little because of it. You now looked afraid of Ellie.

“I can feel the fear in your eyes. Why are you suddenly so scared? You were just so confident a few minutes ago. You’re feeling scared of me now because you don’t know what I’m gonna do with this knife, my pet?” Ellie was still holding the knife. She seemed to be enjoying this moment as she still smiled while saying all of this. You looked away, just not to look at the knife anymore.  “My pet is hiding from the knife now? You can’t just look away,your master is talking to you… “ Ellie was still smiling in that cruel way that she was talking with. She wasn’t sure what to do with the knife yet but she was thinking about what she could use it for. Ellie wanted to scare you and the knife was perfect for that. Ellie knew that she could scare her pet if she kept the knife in her hand as she was talking. It was a perfect opportunity to give you a proper punishment for spitting on her and for being so disrespectful.

“My pet really thinks that I won’t do anything special with this knife? Well, I’m gonna surprise you… “ You closed your eyes in fear.   “You really think that you can close your eyes and expect me not to punish you? Oh, no, little miss, you’re gonna be very afraid for a long while… “  Ellie was feeling very dominant now and she wanted to scare you even more with the knife. She put the knife to your skin. You felt really scared and tried not to move to not be cut as you felt the cold metal of the blade.  “Oh, I’m touching you with the knife. Is that scary for you, my pet? Are you afraid of me and this knife now? This is what happens when you act up and speak to me in such a way. You are gonna be punished for that,… “ Ellie put the knife to your neck.  “What if I put this knife next to your neck now? This is really… “ You were petrified.  “Don’t be so scared you brat. I am your master, I’m here to hurt you. I am only here to punish you and teach you a lesson for all of this, don’t forget that… “ Ellie kept the knife next to your neck while saying this. You didn’t move one muscle.

“Look at my pet, she can’t move at all because of me and this knife. This is all a part of the punishment that I’m giving her for spitting on me… “ Ellie kept the knife next to your neck. She seemed to enjoy the control she had over her pet in this situation. Ellie felt the urge to kiss you, she started to think about it as she looked over at you. She felt the urge to kiss her pet, which was something that she hadn’t ever considered until now. She could kiss you and feel the dominance she had over you even more because of it.

“Should I kiss my pet now? I’m not sure if I should. Oh, it wouldn’t hurt to kiss her, right? This could be a way of really showing how much power I have over her right now… “ You looked at Ellie terrified. Ellie was still holding the knife next to your neck but now she had more of your attention on the possibility of kissing her pet. She had that urge to lean in and kiss you now, she wanted to do it  as this felt like the time to do it.   “Maybe I should just go for it? I’ll kiss you now, I’m gonna kiss her… “ You waited to see what Ellie was going to do. Ellie didn’t even care that you were not looking at her anymore in anticipation of the kiss.

“I’m really gonna go through it. I’m gonna punish my pet by kissing her… “ Ellie then leaned in and kissed your lips, not thinking twice about that action. She kept the knife close to you though, just in case. You closed your eyes. Ellie was kissing her pet, not stopping even after you closed your eyes. She was completely enjoying punishing her pet this way right now.

“Oh, I can tell that my pet is enjoying this… “ Ellie kept smiling while she kissed you and she was still holding the pocket knife close by in her other hand. Your heart felt like it was about to jump out of your chest.  “Oh, that’s such a cute reaction, my pet. I’m glad I could make you feel that way… “ Ellie was still kissing you and not stopping. She was also smiling while she did.  “I think I am gonna keep kissing you for a while longer…” Ellie took the knife away from your neck and stored it in her jeans pocket.  “Oh, I’m moving the knife away for now. But don’t you think I can get it back easily if I want it? I think that you know that…” Ellie was still kissing you and she was continuing to do it for a little while longer. The knife was not a thought on her mind right now, but it would be a factor again later. You kissed Ellie back passionately.

“Oh, my pet is kissing me back, looks like she wants me to keep going. Well, I do want to keep going too… “ Ellie continued your passionate kiss for a while longer, she knew that she was really in control of her pet right now. You moaned into the kiss. “Oh, oh, I love the moan my pet just made… “ Ellie continued the kiss for a few more seconds before pulling away. She looked at your face to see how you were reacting. You wanted more. “Oh, my pet is asking for more? Well, you can always have more kisses from me… “ Ellie leaned in to give her pet some more passionate kisses.

“Thank you…” You say in a whisper as you two kiss.

“What? Are you saying thank you to me?... “ Ellie seemed a little confused by your words right now.  “Do you know who I am, my pet? I am your master, I am not someone you say things like ‘thank you’ to.”  You didn’t know what to say.   “You should know your place as my pet, right now you seem like you’re forgetting that a little bit… “ Ellie kept a stern tone and a serious look on her face.  “Is there something you want to say to your master to make up for that mistake? Are you gonna ask for forgiveness or something?”

“I'm so sorry master…”

“Good, you know what to call me! And yes, I will forgive you for what you said. Now, let’s get back to the punishment… “ Ellie then leaned in to kiss you again to punish you more after the mistake you had made. Ellie broke the kiss leaving you wanting more. “Oh, my pet wants more, huh? I guess I’ll give her more. I’ll always be nice enough to give you more, since I am so kind… “ Ellie then started the kiss again, making you even want for more than just kisses. You tried to take control of the kiss but the ropes made that difficult.  “Oh, my pet is trying to take control of the kiss? Well, that’s really adorable. However, do you think you can have any control while you’re being punished? I think you don’t. I am your master, I have the most control over you. Now, don’t try that again and let me kiss you properly… “ Ellie kept kissing you and took over the kiss. She was gonna be in charge again for this one. Ellie put her hand in your neck.

“Oh, what’s this? My pet is trying to hold onto my hand? That is really cute… “ Ellie had kept the kiss going while talking but then she paused it to look down at your hand that was placed on her own. Ellie looked back up to you and smiled before continuing with the kiss. “Why do you have your hand on mine? Are you gonna try doing something again? Are you still thinking that you can do whatever you want?”

“I just want to touch you master…” You say embarrassed.

“Oh, alright, my pet. I don’t mind you touching me. In fact, I want you to touch me… “ Ellie was speaking in a very soft voice now, she had completely changed from the harsh and serious voice that she had before. “Touch me however you wanna touch me.” Ellie was still keeping your kiss going and now it didn’t feel like a punishment at all, it was just Ellie wanting to kiss her pet instead. Ellie held your head with your hands still tied up and you struggled a bit.

“Oh, oh, my pet is really eager to touch me isn't she? Does she want to touch me more than this kiss already? Well, I can give you more, but first, I wanna tell you something…”  Ellie then stopped the kiss and took a moment to speak, she wanted to say something important to you.  “I wanna tell you that I love you a lot, this is more than just a punishment right now. I actually like you  and care about you and I wanna keep doing things with you even after this punishment… “

“Yes master.” You respond to her question.

“Yes, my pet? Was that a yes to me saying that I love you a lot? I hope that it is a yes, because I am really loving this punishment with you right now… “Ellie then took the chance to kiss you again, she was enjoying being able to show her affection and also punish you at the same time. You nodded.  “Oh, good! My pet is nodding, that makes me happy. I think that you should enjoy this kiss, my pet… “ Ellie was still giving a lot of affection to you while you kept kissing for a while longer.

“Oh, I think that my pet doesn’t need to have her arms and hands tied right now, after all, I don’t think you’re gonna try to be smart like before… “ Ellie then undid the rope that was tied around your arms while not touching the rope that was still tied around your legs. “Thank you master.” You had red marks where the ropes were on your skin.  “Oh, it does seem like I did it a little too tight with those ropes then. Well, that is what you get for misbehaving earlier today, my pet. But, even though you have those red marks, I still think that looks quite pretty.” Ellie looked at your face once again, still smiling as she was looking at her pet and all those marks she had just given her. You looked down to not anger Ellie. “Don’t look away from me. I don’t want you to be scared of me yet. Look into my eyes, my pet, look at your master.” Ellie was still keeping a smile on her face as she spoke, she wanted you to look at her since she was showing all of this dominance over you.  You looked Ellie in the eyes. “Oh, my pet is finally looking me in the eyes properly? You’re such a good girl… “ Ellie’s face was still full of smiles and now that you were looking at her, she knew that there wasn’t much that you could do to try and get out of being punished.

“I love you master…”

“Oh, I think I heard my pet saying that she loves me right now. Was that what you said?” Ellie was talking in a very soft and sweet tone right now, she really liked the fact that you said this. “Can you say it again, my pet, I want to hear it again… “ You did as she asked you. “I love you…”   “Aww, my pet loves me now? That’s the sweetest thing I ever heard… ” Ellie then gave her pet a kiss on the cheek, she was liking the fact that you seemed to be really loving her. She wanted more from you though, it wasn’t enough for Ellie just yet.

“Why don’t you give me a proper kiss my pet, you already said how much you love me, so give me a kiss now, my pet… “ You kissed Ellie putting your arms around her. “Oh, my pet is giving me a real kiss right now? I am feeling very lucky. But, this isn’t enough, my pet… “ Ellie was kissing you back, she wanted even more affection from her pet. She wanted to take it to the next level. “Can’t you give more than that? Give me even more, my pet? Make me feel extra special, I want more than this… “

“What would you like, master?” You ask her with puppy eyes.

“Well, my pet, I think you know what I want right now. I want you to give me the deepest and longest kiss you can give me… “ Ellie was asking for a kiss on the lips, she wanted you to really show how much you loved her. You did just that.  “Oh, is my pet really doing it? That’s the kiss I wanted, my pet, keep going…” Ellie was loving every second of that kiss, it made her feel special to know that you loved her enough to give her a deep and long kiss.  “I want you to keep that kiss going for another five seconds, okay, my pet?”  You nodded, kissing Ellie and putting your tongue into it.  “Oh, my pet is putting her tongue in as well? That makes the kiss feel so much better. My pet really cares about me… “ Ellie’s face was full of smiles once again as the kiss continued. She was really enjoying this kiss. She hadn’t realized how much she wanted to feel loved until now.

“ I think that it’s time that I take these ropes off of my pet’s legs, after all, she’s already given me so much love… “ Ellie then took the ropes off of your legs, she was really being kind towards you right now. She still wanted to punish you but all of your love had made Ellie feel very different towards her pet.   “Thank you master.”  You stroke your legs to soothe the pain from the red marks the rope left on your skin.

“Oh, my pet’s legs look really hurt from the rope. Are you okay? Did the rope really hurt you, my pet?” Ellie was speaking in a sweet voice again, she really cared for her pet right now because of how much love you had shown her. She then started to stroke your legs to soothe the pain from the red marks as well. You were crying a little bit.  “Oh, my pet is crying a little bit now? Did the rope really hurt you a lot? I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to hurt you so bad. I should have been more careful… “ Ellie was really showing that she cared about you right now. She was stroking your legs even more to try and soothe all the pain of those red marks. She felt bad for causing all of that pain to her pet.

“It did, it really hurt…” You looked at your legs covered in red rope marks.

“Oh, I am so sorry my pet, I didn’t mean to hurt you so much. But, that is what you get for misbehaving, I wanted to show you what it was like to be punished… “ Ellie kept stroking your legs, she couldn’t let her pet be in pain. It would make her feel bad every time she saw those red marks on your legs.

“I'm sorry master, I won’t do it again.” You said, still not able to look her in the eyes.

“It is alright my pet, I am not mad about it. But, I do want you to learn your lesson and know that you shouldn’t misbehave. I am not going to be so nice to you the next time that you misbehave though…” Ellie was still stroking your legs and soothing the pain that the rope had caused.  “But, I forgive you now because I still love you very much as my pet… “ You hugged Ellie, starting to cry harder. That started to make Ellie worry. She really didn’t want you to cry. You were her pet and she didn’t want you to be sad at all.  “Oh, what’s wrong? Don’t cry. I am so sorry that I hurt you too much… “ Ellie was now hugging you and stroking your back to try and show you forgiveness. “It’s alright, my pet, your master loves you no matter what.”

“Can we stop now? My body hurts…” You ask with a trembling voice.

“Oh, alright. That’s fine my pet, your master knows that you want to stop now, I am not gonna force you to keep going for punishment… “ Ellie was still hugging you and stroking you. She was hoping that you would feel better.  “But, I wanna show you how much more I love you than just as a pet. I wanna show you how I love you in other ways than just as a master… “

“Thank you…” You whisper to her.

“You’re welcome, my pet. Can your master hold you for a second?” Ellie asked this question while keeping her arms wrapped around you. She wanted to keep hugging and stroking you if you wanted her to. There was no need for you to feel punished anymore, at this point, Ellie wanted her pet to know that she loved her and that you could always count on her for anything. You hugged Ellie back and calmed down in her arms. “Oh, look at my pet, she is calming down in her master’s arms. Does she feel comfortable with this?” Ellie was smiling softly, she was really enjoying spending this time with you now. And if you felt comfortable with staying in her arms, then she would want to do that a lot more. “Can I hug you for a while more, my pet?”

“Yes please” You said nuzzled into her neck. “Alright then, my pet. Let’s do that then. I wanna hug you for as long as you like, my pet.” Ellie then held you a bit closer to her and kept hugging and stroking you. She was giving you a lot of affection now, it wasn’t really a punishment for you anymore but rather just a time for Ellie to show how much affection she had for you. Ellie picked you up so you could be cuddled in her bed. “Oh, my pet is light enough to be picked up. I am gonna make you even more comfortable now… ” Ellie then started to walk over to her bed with you in her arms and then she put you down.  “There, my pet, your own bed where you can get even more comfortable. I’ll lay here next to you as well.”

“Thank you master.” You say looking up at her. “You’re welcome, my pet. Now, just relax as I lay down next to you in bed… “ Ellie then got into bed and laid down next to you in it. She was still holding you close to her and also still stroking your hair and back. She was going to sleep next to her pet. You started to relax and calm down. “See? You’re already relaxed. You don’t have to worry a single bit now, my pet, I am here to protect you and make you feel comfortable… “ Ellie kept stroking you to help you relax more. She didn’t want you to worry or be nervous anymore. She just wanted you to be the happiest and most comfortable that you can be. “Thank you Ellie, I love you.”

“Oh, I think that it is time to tell my pet how I feel again. I think that my pet really wants to know about it. And I really want her to keep hearing it… “ Ellie had a smile on her face but she had a soft voice now.  “I love you too, my pet. I really do.” You were now crying, but from happiness this time. “Oh, my pet is crying from happiness now? That’s okay, my pet, you can cry if you want to. Just remember that your master is here for you, even if you’re crying from happiness… “ Ellie was still stroking your hair and back while she was keeping you in her arms next to her in bed. She didn’t want her pet to ever feel alone and unhappy.  “I will always be here to care for you, my pet…” You never wanted Ellie to let you go.  “I think that it’s pretty clear that my pet doesn’t want me to let go of her. So, I am not gonna let that happen, my pet. Your master will stay right here and will keep hugging and holding you.” Ellie was still holding you in her arms and she didn’t want to stop anytime soon. “ Just relax, my pet, and I’ll keep hugging and holding you for as long as you like… “ You started to fall asleep from exhaustion. 

“Oh, is my pet really gonna fall asleep now? Well, I better wait until she is completely asleep before I let her go. For now, I am just gonna pet her and cuddle her more then… “ Ellie was still holding onto you but she was being extra careful because she didn’t want her pet to wake up from her moving. She just kept petting your hair and stroking your back as you were trying to sleep now. You fell asleep in Ellie’s arms happily. Ellie saw that you were finally asleep in her arms and she was happy. She really didn’t want her pet to wake up now.

“That’s my good girl, my pet, now you can sleep peacefully because you’re protected by your master.” Ellie laid down next to you and also went to sleep. She was also tired and happy for this whole day, she wanted to get some rest now too. You slept holding each other. Ellie was so comfortable with you being in her arms that she had no problem sleeping with you. She just slept and snuggled with her pet as you were holding each other. Ellie wasn’t holding you too tight and she made sure not to wake you up at all. She just wanted you to feel happy and comfortable while you slept. She even kissed her pet on the cheek before closing her eyes and completely falling asleep. Ellie really did love you and it showed. She was always showing a lot of affection towards you and now she even slept next to you. Ellie really wanted to give her pet all the comfort and love that she could. She made sure to protect and care for her pet now, after all, you were the perfect pet and it was clear that Ellie really did love you.

A/N:I hope you liked it! I know I'm not very good at writing but this was a lot of fun to do! Let me know what you thought. Comments, likes  and reblogs are always welcome! Thank you for reading!

[1shirt2shirtredshirtdeadshirt]

I woke up this morning and saw I had a message in my inbox on AO3, presumably about by new fic, and was excited to see the feedback.

When I read what they wrote it was a small comment that said "stop using sudowrite".

Had no idea what that even means, so I had to look it up and found out it's some form of a writing AI.

Absolutely fuming.

I want to make something abundantly clear right now:

I have not been hand writing and editing all of my own stories, hundreds of pages worth of personally hand written or hand typed content for the past 16 years, only to get accused of using any form of lazy ass writing AI now.

This is what I love to do. For fun.

I put in a lot of unpaid time, creativity and energy into my writing and editing. The only thing I ask for in return is participation from the fandoms I love, be it via thoughtful feedback or valid criticisms.

But this is neither of those things. This is just an outright, baseless lie against the art that I have worked so hard to make myself, and I won't be undermined or discredited.

There's anger, and then there's whatever space I am occupying well past it right now.

It's infuriating to pour hours of my love, thought and creativity into original content only to have someone come out of nowhere and try to tell me I've been having an AI do it, especially 16 years deep.

Bitch please.

I also found out that app came out in 2020 . . . As I mentioned, I published my first K/S story in 2008 as Ruby JW on the K/S archives, and my first fanfic on fanfic.net was published in 2007 as luigi_is_stellar.

I invite anyone to peruse my decades-long collection of independent content that I have single-handedly accomplished well before such an app even existed, then come back to me and try to tell me that what I do here isn't authentic.

I don't usually get spicy, but when it comes to the art I spend hours writing and drawing independently with my own blood sweat and tears, yeah. I'm going to get spicy.

I do far too much unpaid work out of passion and love for this fandom to have such a serious accusation flung my way out of nowhere.

It's the first time in my 16 years of writing for this fandom that I've ever been accused of plagiarism, and you best trust and believe that I don't take that accusation lightly. I work too damn hard to let someone discredit the work I do personally in such a baseless manner.

Anyway, that was discouraging AF. I am boggled to learn that AI writing is even a thing, no less someone coming out of the woodwork to try to accuse me of using it 16 years into story publishing when I literally teach academic honesty and writing ethics in my line of paid work as an English professional.

Genuinely: Do you know who you're talking to?

A bit of background on me:

I come from a not-so-wealthy family who could not afford to pay to put me through school -- I paid for that all on my own. I had to earn my University English degree, one of four University degrees I hold on my own work and pay alone, without so much as a tutoring session or handout from home.

Not once would I have jeopardized everything I worked so hard and paid for out of my own pocket as a poor ass uni student working two jobs and doing night classes just to phone it in plagiarizing, not on one ounce of my work.

That was all me.

I've handwritten 3 MLA essays in under three hour exams BACK TO BACK, immediately followed by back-to-back Biology exams & a final lab where I ALSO had to write multiple essays and switch from MLA to APA mode within the span of 6 hours.

Those were all bound in handwritten yellow booklets well before we ever had Google Docs, Grammarly, formatting suggestions, or even regularly brought/had access to laptops in UNI. I did my work by hand.

I earned my degrees in English and Biology AT THE SAME TIME before I even turned 24. I earned a double major handwriting my own work papers like my life depended on it, and you actually think I'm about to phone it in now?

Step to me like that again, young blood. I ain't the one.😂

Anyway, I digress.

Ya girl ain't here to fight BC y'all know I tend to be very easygoing, full of humour, and I love to joke around in the fandom. I'm pretty wide open to opposing opinions or even criticisms. But this is unfounded slander, and I won't be taking that on the chin.

When it comes to my work, I take that very seriously, and I don't play around. My late father once told me that "The work you do and the degrees you earn are yours and yours alone, they can never take that education from you." I live by that sentiment, and have done so by putting forth honest work.

Be it paid or unpaid work, it's my work. Periodt.

It is an unfathomably disheartening and insulting message to receive as someone who writes all their own stuff themselves, draws all their own fanart themselves, does their own photo edits themselves, edits their writing themselves, and has never even used so much as a single outside beta reader/editor for my work. Not once. The art, the writing, the editing -- It's all me.

Bottom line:

Say you do or don't like my work, that's cash money and we good, whether it's your cup of tea or not.

Butt know that it is my work.

I will not put all of this free time, effort and love into my work only to be accused of lazily ripping the content that I have spent hours writing and personally editing from somewhere else.

And on that note, consider my PSA rant ended.

[always-and-forever-daydreaming]

A helping hand

warnings : (my writing probably, haha) none? just fluff and some good old hand kink, mention of blood Honestly, I have no idea how to write, but hands of this man have been haunting me for long enough to make me post this.Also, English is not my first language, so if you find any mistake, please, correct me. Enjoy, fellow Mikaelson whores! <3 Also the most amazing @archangelslollipop made this edit you see above, thank you, bestie. She also made me post this.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

You were reading a book when Elijah stormed into the room. Well, this was his study after all. You immediately closed it and put your full attention onto him. You never seen him like this. He was pacing back and forth, his chest heavily raising and falling. You were actually scared.

What could have happened to leave this normally very calm man looking like this?

He finally stopped, looking outside through the window, as he ran his fingers through his hair with a heavy sigh. You noticed his jacket was missing, his tie wasn't straight and his shirt had few buttons undone.

Then your eyes landed on his hands.

His rolled up sleeves exposed his arms. You swallowed the lump in your throat. His arms and hands were always your weakness. You just couldn't stop looking at them for some reason. Well, for a very obvious reason, really. And the longer your eyes lingered on them, the more heat started spreading through your body. Your imagination was already running wild. You could almost feel those hands touching your body, fingers trailing down your throat and then closing around it. Not enough to kill you, of course, but enough to make you hot and bothered.

You closed your eyes and exhaled trying to clear your head.

"I think I should leave..." you mumbled and stood up from you seat.

"No!" Elijah exclaimed loudly.

You froze in your actions and looked at him in disbelief. You never heard him raise his voice like that, let alone while he was speaking with you.

"I apologize for my outburst,"he said as he looked at the ground, his voice much quieter, "Please, stay right where you are, if you do not need to go, that is."

You were eyeing him for a while. Why did he want you here? It's not like you could do much to help. Not that he would tell you what was going on, anyway.

But at the state that he was in, you didn't dare to ask.

"Alright."

You sat back on the chair.

He let out a loud breath and started pacing around the room again. That went for about 5 more minutes, his pace was still the same if not quicker, so you took all the courage that you could muster and tried to intervene.

"Elijah?"

It seemed as he was waiting for that, because he started to passionately elaborate what happened with anger in his voice.

"Nothing is going according to plan. Nothing. And now they -"

He stopped and let out a breath, his shoulders shaking, knuckles whitening as he clutched a corner of his working desk.

You gulped.

Those goddamn hands are going to be the end of you.

"Those pathetic existences think that they could lay a finger on you."

That brought you back out of your dirty imagination rather quickly. This whole ordeal was about you?

"You mean the De Martel siblings?"you asked as you watched him pour a glass of bourbon.

The Mikaelsons really have a bottle of an expensive alcohol in every room in their house. And boy, does the house have a lot of rooms.

"Yes. I should have ended the both of them centuries ago. Aurora is a complete lunatic and that narcissistic waste of space..."

He shook his head and downed the golden liquid in his glass with one gulp.

"But why?"

He turned to face you and narrowed his eyes.

"Pardon?"

You stood up and made one step towards him.

"Why me? Why Are they threatening to hurt me?"

He put his glass down and his mahagony eyes locked with yours.

"Because you're important to me."

Your breath hitches, your heart stops.

"To all of us," he adds quickly and turns away from you again.

Disappointment fills your entire body. How could you even for a second think that you mean something more to him? You should be grateful that the siblings care for you as a good friend. They're like your family, you basically live at their mansion now and you love all of them.

But with Elijah...

You just couldn't help but want something more. He was the definition of perfect in your head. How completely selfish and pathetic of you.

"And Tristan had the audacity to take your beautiful name into his disgusting mouth. I am going to destroy him."

You shivered at his cold tone. Suddenly, there was a loud shattering sound. Your head snapped in his direction and you saw that he broke the glass while he was holding it. You closed the distance between the two of you and carefully grabbed his hand by his wrist. 

"Oh my god, Elijah," you whispered as you were looking at his palm that was full of shards of glass, blood trickling from the cuts.

"It's nothing, please, don't hurt yourself."

His voice was smooth, like velvet caressing your brain.

You quietly laughed and answered : "It's not nothing. You're literally bleeding and you're worried about me getting hurt?"

He chuckled in response.

"You know that my wounds heal much faster than yours."

You rolled your eyes.

"Yes, but not when you have glass still inside them. Let me get those out for you. Do you have a tweezers by any chance?"

He used his other hand to open one drawer and handed them to you. It scared you how organized he was.

You hopped on his desk and took his hand on your lap. The lamp was shining its light right where you needed it, so you could see even the little pieces glittering in it. You carefully took them out, one by one. Comfortable silence surrounded. You were trying not to focus on the fact that you were holding the hands that didn't let you sleep for the last week. Well, maybe even longer than that.

"I think there's none left," you said as you were turning his hand to see if you missed some.

"Thank you, my dear. I appreciate your help."

His voice was warm again, and you could almost feel his chest vibrating, that's how close you two were.

You just smiled and kept staring at your almost locked hands.

"Forgive me, it seems some of my blood got on your hands."

He handed you his hankerchief. You took it with your free hand. You didn't want to let go.

"Y/n?"

You looked up at him. Fuck it. You might not get any other chance to do this. And you only live once, and god knows for how long when De Martels are trying to get you and you're just a human.

"Has anyone ever told you that you have very good looking hands?"

You were shocked that you actually said it out loud. Elijah was taken aback too. To say the least. His eyes widened and his lips parted.

That's it. He's gonna call you a creep, kick you out of their house. This is the end of your fairytale.

"No, I believe noone has ever told me that," he smiled at you.

Your heart fluttered in your chest, you smiled back at him and brushed you thumb over the back of his hand. He closed his eyes and leaned closer to you. One hand staying on your lap, the other finding yours that was resting by your side, clutching the piece of cloth he gave you. You felt your fingers interlock and you closed your eyes too. You couldn’t believe that this was happening.

„Has anyone ever told you that you’re the most beautiful being inside and out that they have ever come across during a millenium?“ he whispered to your ear.

Goosebumps appeared on your skin. You didn’t dare to open your eyes. You felt like you’re in a dream and if you open them, it will all go away. Your heart was singing his song.

„No, I believe noone has ever told me that,“ you repeat his words, smile plastered on your face.

And than it happened. You smelled his cologne more intensely than ever before, that scent that was driving you crazy and brought peace to your soul at once. Your heart sank when he took his hand out of yours on your lap, but only for a second, until you felt it brush your cheek gently, almost carefully, like you were going to fade away in a second.

His warmth welcomed you as he leaned closer and closer. And then your lips touched. It was like fireworks went off in your brain. After a moment, he pulled away and your foreheads were touching.

It was almost an innocent kiss, a quick peck. But it said everything you both needed in that moment.

You burried your face into the crook of his neck and put your hands around it. His fingers played with the loose locks of your hair. You were in a blissfully unknown state.

„These hands won’t let them come near you. They won’t have a chance to even touch a hair on your precious head,“ he mumbled as he kissed the top of it.

You giggled.

„But I wouldn’t mind if they would touch me in the meantime,“your voice was muffled by his neck.

He took you by your shoulders and gently pulled you away from him, so he could see your face.

„Oh, is that so?“

He smiled, his eyes twinkled and he kissed you again. For much longer this time.

Much, much longer.

[drconstellation]

All The Colours of the GO Rainbow

Updated 11 Nov 2023

Edit note: I've done quite a big update on Red, Green and Blue, so if you read this before 11 Nov 2023 it might be worth reading it again.

I'm writing this meta about colours in the Good Omens AU in preparation for some future metas I'm planning, where colour will be important. And yes, I'm going to use "colour" as the spelling, as I'm an Australian and I use the UK English as my usual go-to version of English (that is what I was taught at school,) even though I am finding myself flicking between US and UK English here on Tumblr, leaving out u's here and there and putting in z's where I would normally put s's.

I also think its worth having another discussion about it as there are some colours I've have seen discussed here and there, but not at length, and some not at all that I think are important, and I just want to bring them all to one place.

I'm also going to be referring to @cobragardens excellent meta The Colors of Crowley quite a bit in this meta at various points, so you might want to pause and go read that first, then come back.

BLACK

Most people's initial reaction would be to class black as a colour of Hell. Crowley wears a lot of black, and usually a hidden accent of red (aaand something else. I'll discuss that at the end.) But the other demons are actually quite colourful when you get them into the light. They may tend towards the darker shades but there is quite a range of colours seen. Dagon, for example, is a very dark blue, as their avatar is a marine fish. Normally blue is associated with Heaven in GO. But this fits better if we think of black as being the colour of shadow, where the light does not reach, and the place of hidden things, of mystery

And it's worth noting that Aziraphale wears some black when he is trying to perform a magic show. He also wears white and gold at the same time but normally he does not wear these colours, unless he is performing human magic (see S1E1, Warlock's 11th birthday party, and the 1941 minisode S2E4) This should be striking enough for you to sit up and take note. You could say when Aziraphale dons black it is an expression of his act of "mysteriosity."

RED

Again, red is not necessarily a demonic colour, although we tend to associate it with demons, as Lord Beelzebub and Lord Dagon both wear red sashes as a mark of their rank in Hell. Think of it more as the colour of passion and romance in GO. Ooh, got you there! Makes you wonder what Shax is really up to (I know some of you have.) Perhaps they are just passionate about doing their job, or climbing their way to the top of the demonic ranking ladder?

Edit: After writing up a couple of other metas and some more reading maybe a better description is "devotional passion." Shax is devoted to climbing the power ladder in Hell (her red is usually a darker shade of red than Crowley's,) and the Red Team in the paintball fight at Tadfield Manor in S1E2 is devoted to following the rules of Management. Crowley is devoted to Aziraphale, of course.

In Christianity red has an association with the left-hand side, or the sinister side. In GO we tend to call this the "demon side" as there is a lot of shot blocking for shoulder-angels and shoulder-demons. Crowley is typically on Aziraphale's LHS because of this, so when he isn't, we take note. Actually you should take note of all the shot-blocking in GO because who is on the shoulder-right and who is on the shoulder-left of shot tells you so much about their moral stance in that scene! Anyway, in religious iconography it will often be Michael robed in red, with a sword, on the left of Jesus, representing the eccentric, the strange, the excessive, fire - and goats. (Hey, goats are a whole other meta, we are here to talk colour!)

Special mention to the 1941 minisode in S2E4 that is just soaked in red, everywhere you turn: in the sparks flying off the burning buildings as the sparks of love begin to fly, the inside of the book shop where Crowley encourages Aziraphale to think like a professional, the magic shop where danger and chaos lurks in every corner but magic is Aziraphale's personal passion, and the Windmill Theater where he finally gets to perform his magic passion on the stage. Several ops see this as a special memory of Aziraphale's so he colours it with the red of romance. We've got big hopes of seeing a third part to 1941 in S3. Some of this red is also used as a metaphor for flames and fire (there always seems to be something burning after a gun is fired) - we are fanning the flames of passion again!

GOLD

Gold is one the colours of Heaven. Nearly all the angels have some form of gold on them at some point. A gold ring, gold embroidery on their clothes, a golden brooch, gold on their face, Aziraphale's gold watch fob (he has a ring, too). We also see multiple golden lions in various places, which appear to have a connection to Heaven and Jesus. (I'm still planning to write a meta on the lions in the future, but I've got to find them all first! They keep turning up in surprising places...) The lions have a royal connection, one of two royal mentions in this meta, in that they represent the connection Jesus has to the Royal house of Judah, and are a symbol of his return in the Second Coming.

YELLOW

Yellow in GO is probably the hardest colour to interpret. We see a lot of it, because Aziraphale is so fond of it, being the colour of Crowley's eyes. The walls of the book shop are painted yellow, he gives Jimbriel a yellow feather duster to use and he turns the Bentley yellow on the trip up to Edinburgh, much to Crowley's disgust. (To be fair, Crowley's Mayfair flat in S1 was colour-coded to Aziraphale's eyes in return, in greys and subtle blues, but that's another discussion.)

But I think the important thing to emphasis here is that yellow is NOT the same as gold, and we shouldn't blend the two colours together.

While some point out that yellow can be seen as an imperial or royal colour, as it is the colour of the Sun, when you put this colour in context in the GO AU, it more clearly points to being the colour of fear, as Cobragarden's explains in The Colours of Crowley. I would expand on their words, and say that is why Crowley doesn't wear his sunglasses in front of Jimbriel when looking after him in the book shop - its a measure of how afraid he is that the the real Gabriel might reappear at any moment. And back in S1 when Crowley is trying to work out how to escape the burning Odegra sigil he inadvertently created Hastur appears in the front seat of the Bentley in pursuit of him and reaches out to remove his sunglasses. The shock on Crowley's face in the moment is palpable, because he realises he's in the shit unless he thinks quickly - which he bravely does!

GREEN

Green is the colour of chaos.

Originally I wrote that Green was Hell, but on after writing this and going on to write further metas (I think I’ve mentioned this elsewhere, and this is an evolving meta) and a brief discussion in the Notes at the bottom with noneorother, I decided I would re-write this for a better fit.

It still fits Hell, however, as Hell is chaos compared to Heaven. It’s overcrowded, its clogged with bundled paperwork that hasn’t been filed, there is old furniture everywhere. It’s still the overgrown suffocating swamp of decay, with the leaking pipes and the light struggling to find its way down through the mess. It’s still Furfur, with plans to unexpectedly disrupt our hero’s magic act. It’s still the colour of the fog outside the bookshop during the Eldritch Ball, signalling that things are not going to plan. Demons love chaos, its their purpose. It’s the opposite to Heaven, which is rigid and structured.

A recent post from @noneorother highlights that the intense green used for Hell in S2 is influenced by the the Powell & Pressburger movie The Tales of Hoffmann. They say:

Whenever something evil happens in "The automaton ball" sequence, the light changes to this sickly green. Colour is THE important symbolism in Hoffmann, so now we know green is evil.

But they wanted to add that evil is not necessarily Hell. And we would have to agree. Because Aziraphale also has a lot of green associated with him, and he has nothing to do with Hell - he's more an agent of chaos, if anything. He's unpredictable. Let us address this in it's own section below.

Veridian/Teal/Aquamarine

This is a special section to discuss the blue-green hues that Aziraphale wears. Heaven mixed with Hell. Lawful mixed with Chaos. He is one unique angel. The first sight of these colours is in 1601, when we find out that the Arrangement first proposed by Crowley in 537 is now in full swing, where he has some teal strips in his Elizabethan costume.

While I'm told its traditional to have a darker colour on the back panel of waistcoats, it's notable that the back of Aziraphale's waistcoat is a distinctly dark viridian green. Why not dark blue? Or a shade of brown to go with the other shades of brown and beige the angels tend to wear? But what's the meta-writer's motto in GO? There are no accidents...

He also wears a pale aquamarine shirt in the present day. (wearecrowley has posted a nice set of GIFs that highlight it here) No white for him since 1941 at least, although his 1821 shirt also looks green to me, but its hard to tell in the dim candlelight of night time Edinburgh (unless he is performing magic, then he is in white, gold, and mysterious black or being discorporated, then he is colourless white - back to his "native" state, like Muriel in her Earthly Inspector uniform.) The cape he wears in the 1941 minisode is also a fascinating colour. I am having trouble pinning down exactly what it would be called - Teal? A darker aquamarine? Perhaps turquoise. It's certainly part of his colour palette, and still indicating a lawful-chaos mix. A "dark horse" indeed!

[Edit: So i saw someone describe Heaven and Hell as Lawfulness and Chaos, and I thought that was a perfect fit for Aziraphale here with his blue-greens. Remember Crowley described him as "unpredictable" to Nina? Yeah...]

[Edit 2: I've made some changes above because I re-wrote the section on Green. This is an evolving meta!]

BLUE

Blue is a signal of Heaven, the colour of the sky, and a colour traditionally associated with the archangels Gabriel and Michael. We see it in a number of places, in both S1 and S2, where it is used with deliberate care.

Usually a primary shade of blue, this represents the rigid lawfulness and rules of Heaven, as compared to the chaos associated with Hell. In Christian iconography blue is what Gabriel wears as the right-hand-side shoulder angel to Jesus. It represents the Law, mercy, protection, water, sheep(!) and foundation. The "good" shoulder angel is always on the right shoulder in shot-blocking in the show.

Below are some examples of where we see it:

The blue paint on the back of Aziraphale's coat when he gets hit by a paintball at Tadfield Manor in S1E2.

The colour of Newt's car, Dick Turpin (which actually presents an interesting juxtaposition, as Newt is a Crowley parallel.)

The colour of the external walls of the coffee shop in S2, and some of the inside, which is also the same as the take-away cups, such as the one the Metatron offers to Aziraphale.

The colour of the gecko Jemima asks to be turned into in the Job minisode.

The colour of the suit Jimbriel wears at the eldritch ball, and the glorious ostrich feather jacket he dons when he exits the book shop to give himself up to the demons.

PURPLE

Purple has long been the colour of royalty, since ancient days. This was for good reason - there was only one natural source of the rich purple dye. That came from a small marine snail that was found on the coast of modern day Lebanon, near Tyre, and they held the monopoly on this trade for centuries. Only kings and emperor's could afford to have cloth dyed in this colour, known as Tyrian purple. It wasn't until the first synthetic purple dye was created in 1856 that the common man could afford to wear it as well.

In Good Omens we see Gabriel, the Prince of Heaven, wearing this colour in his ties, and also showing it in his irises in both S1 and S2. But only when he is Gabriel, not as Jim.

[Edit: So I only just found out that the colour he wears is lilac and is modeled after Elizabeth Taylor's famous eyes. But hey, she was a queen of the screen - movie royalty! And you still need to explain all the other purple below. Also, she was only born around 100 years ago and Gabriel has theoretically been around for...a lot longer, so I'd say Gabriel came first.]

There are a couple of other places we see it used. One is when angel Crowley starts up his nebula. The plume of miracle energy emanating from the book shop after the 25 lazurii miracle is also this colour.

Archangel Saraqael's chair is purple when she is on Earth. And Saraqael and Muriel both have purple in their tartan when in Heaven.

WHITE

White is the colour of the angels. It is the colour of Aziraphale's wings and the colour of his robes during ancient times from the Beginning up to Rome. Once the Arrangement starts, the white starts to be replaced with other colours, and the shades of teal and other blue-greens start to appear.

By the present day he has virtually lost all trace of white, except for his hair. He then only appears in all white when discorporated.

Muriel turns up in a conspicuously bright white police uniform on Earth, and the other angels all have some form of white on them.

Crowley sometimes has small accents of white as well. They can be easily missed, such as the white shirt cuff protruding from his sleek black Elizabethan costume in 1601. Remember they are discussing the Arrangement here - so they are both showing signs of taking on each other's colours at this point. On the other hand, I know quite a few people have commented on the white in his 1941 garb, on his tie, and his pocket handkerchief (and remember, he wears a grey shirt, not black, because he doesn't want to be mistaken for a black-shirted fascist during the war years.)

SILVER/GRAY

There are two colours I keep seeing that I'm going to group together as one, and that is silver and gray.

The senior archangels are notably dressed in what I've seen described as dove-gray, but an article on the costumes calls it pearl-gray, and it was meant to look a bit shimmery. I sometimes refer to this group of angels as the Archangels with the capital A, or the seraphim, the closest angels to God. This includes Gabriel, our current Prince of Heaven, Michael, Uriel. And I'm going to include Crowley in his trademark Tactical Turtleneck master spy disguise when he infiltrated Heaven with Muriel in S2E6. Hey, he could have worn white!

So where does this colour come from?

I've spent a bit of time banging on in the past about "traditional colours" of the archangels, in particular Gabriel and Michael's being blue, and the missing Raphael's being green. Part of the problem is, though, if you go looking online for who's colour is whose, you get a big variation in answers. Michael nearly always comes out with being associated with blue, and Raphael with green, so no problem there, but all the other traditionally named seraphim seem to get other colours put against them. For Gabriel, though, a commonly associated colour does appear to be white or silver.

Now my guess would be that sparkly silver would be too naff a look for the angels. I mean, look at what Crowley manifests as a blending-in "bees" disguise, a slightly shiny grayish suit, which kind of mocks the other Archangels (and you're overdoing the gold hints there a bit, Crowley) but it is curiously the same style as Saraqael's garb, and they did supposedly work together on the Horsehead Nebula. Hmmm. The Archangel's pearl-gray suits look very corporate and business-like, echoing a large soul-crushing business entity.

But this is not the only time Crowley wears this upper echelon colour; he has quite a habit of wearing it, particularly once the Arrangement kicks in.

The problem is, he nearly always wears near-solid black (unless he is trying not to get killed, like in 1793 Paris - Cobragarden's meta on the context why here - or 1941 London - see above,) so it stands out. I find this a far more interesting than the red accents, and should note that we don't always see it on him; its not there in 1967, for example.

One colour that is noticeably missing in the full GO rainbow is orange. We don't get it handed to us on a plate as much as the other colours do. Perhaps one exception is the sign for The Resurrectionist pub in Edinburgh, where Jesus is wearing an orange robe under a blue cloth. [Edit: It must be my screen colour, its been mentioned to me that the under-robe is actually crimson red.]

So now we have run through all the colours, it can be interesting to look at them in combination.

Bonus points for noticing the white mugs for the S2 coffee shop (six-shots of espresso,) to go with the blue take-away cups. The shop is blue-white-gold themed. Truly meant to be a place where Heaven is obtainable on Earth! It also kind of reminds me of the sky - blue sky overhead, white clouds, and a golden Sun shining down (from the brass lamps.) [Edit: There is a paler green inside the coffee shop - its easy to miss, we are too busy watching the characters!]

The book shop also has a combination of colours - predominately red and yellow. Yellow for fear, and red for passion and romance. Ouch, what a combination!

Aziraphales's white, gold and black combination for performing magic also has me intrigued. It's not just the black, but so much golden colour in the form of a golden vest. And we get it both times in both 1941 and 2019. An angel from Heaven trying to hide what he really is.

I've added an extra section below as part of a reblog on the angel off-whites and shades of brown that also appear, as I realised I missed them, and do a character analysis of the Metatron, so make sure you read that as well.

If you are interested in my analysis on the tartan in GO I've one here at: What the Tartan Tells Us

For further meta reading on colour in GO try the following:

If you haven't read it yet, do go and read Cobragardens The Colours of Crowley, Red and Yellow can hurt a fellow: Colour Symbolism in 1941 Part 1 and Part 2 as it makes the colours more character specific, whereas I've tried to give the colours a more over-arching theme here.

And for the importance of the yellow colour Vavavoom! which is used on the book shop walls, (and matches Crowley's eyes) see Vidavalors post on The Vavoom: Or, when the show's hinting Crowley & Aziraphale first kissed

[depressedraisin]

okay so i don't really have a point to make over here but i've been thinking about this a lot lately so here we go: ever notice how alex tends to use a lot of dance-related words as metaphors for sex but almost always undercuts the image of elegance/beauty that might evoke using interesting juxtapositions and wordplay??

in piledriver waltz (submarine ep, 2010; also reprised for suck it and see, 2011) he writes "i heard the piledriver waltz// it woke me up this morning". now 'piledriver waltz' here refers to someone having sex (atleast the contributors at genius think so and so do i). turner uses the word waltz- an intimate ballroom dance between two partners- but adds piledriver- which is, as wikipedia tells me, "a professional wrestling driver move in which the wrestler grabs their opponent, turns them upside-down, and drops into a sitting or kneeling position, driving the opponent head-first into the mat". so you see, the refined, elegant, romantic connotations of waltz is contrasted with the image of rough ruthlessness that piledriver brings.

(ALSO also did you notice? a wrestling reference? all the way back in 2010 👀 now idk if it's a regular vocab words or specific to wrestling-lingo only back in uk, but my studied-english-as-first-language-in-school-but-not-native speaker ass did have to google what the hell that means)

another such oxymoron-esque treatment of metaphors for sex we see in everything you've come to expect (everything you've come to expect, 2016). the line, one of my absolute favourite things turner and kane have ever written, goes "dirtbag ballet by the bins down the alley // as i walk through the chalet of the shadow of death". 'dirtbag ballet' again refers to sex here, this time the illicit kind, the kind that takes place in shadowy corners and dingy alleys. 'ballet' is another term that we will immediately associate with elegance and graceful moves but the use of 'dirt bag' by it's side brings a sense of crassness, almost vulgar quality to it. that term immediately paints a very stark picture of wild clandestine passion that illicit affairs carries probably. the song talks about that a lot.

(PS: an applause for the impeccable internal rhyme in those lines tho. *chef's kiss*)

the last example that stands out to me is from four stars out of five (tranquility base hotel and casino, 2018) where the line goes "hokey cokey with the opposite sex." (someone mentioned it around here today and that's what sparked this post. EDIT: it's @homoirrealis https://www.tumblr.com/lalaballa1977/717488374837084160?source=share) now there's no clever oxymoron-metaphor situation here, but the choice of that specific dance to talk about sex (straight sex, as the songwriter so kindly points out) is very interesting to me. hokey cokey as we know is a campfire dance that originated with brit folk dances and tunes. it's so funny because whenever i hear that line it immediately takes me back to kindergarten and a bunch of us kids standing in a circle, singing the rhyme and learning the dance. therefore in my mind atleast, hokey cokey evokes images of practiced, monotonous movements of hand and feet, no fluidity, no elegance. also the communal aspect of it. what if we read it as something you are made to participate in because you are a part in a group, because a number of pairs of eyes are on you. a question worth pondering perhaps.

and all this referring to sex?

also the song goes on to entice you to escape to this swanky hotel-casino-taqueria up on the moon and get far, far away from shit that you have done and regret and want to forget. then why is this hokey cokey with the opposite sex also one of those things the narrator might want to forget?

Hmmmmm questions worth pondering, innit?

[angelicalchaoticabyss]

(Song fic) Alluring Secret ~Scaled Vow~ Cookie run Dragons x Reader (Any of your choosing)

(Original english lyrics by Razzy, edited by me. Note I cannot write all their speech quirks at once so if you envision pitaya or ananas just imagine it.) (Y/F = Your flavor)

There was a dragon who had lost both their wings Who devoted their life to whatever the world may bring they fell in love, once long ago in the past In the end they found out, however, love just couldn’t last So heartbroken the lost dragon would have been They wandered the town, not knowing what to do A cookie came by, the most beautiful they’d seen With their eyes shining brightly filled with life, so sweet

The dragon felt more pathetic than ever as they wandered the quiet cookie village, this was humiliating. Nearly powerless with barely the strength to fly again, they were hungry and weak. Collapsing to the ground, things couldn’t get worse.

“Excuse me, are you okay?”

Apparently, it can. Before them stood a confused and worried cookie, gazing down at them with concern. They introduced themselves as Y/F Cookie and offered the dragon a place to stay. Feeling to have no other choice the dragon agreed, following the lesser being to their home. But…those eyes of theirs. Their eyes both met and it was like love at first sight They never knew that a love like this would feel so right The two drew close, they broke away the magic lock and then they opened up Pandora’s box What they wished they could find was a fruit filled with vile, Had they cared to look, they would find it in their innocent smiles.

The dragon lived with the cookie and met their fiancé. The dragon oddly felt jealous of the fiancé, like that cookie didn’t deserve your attention. You made the dragon feel so loved, so special, so powerful. They NEEDED your love to be strong again. They almost couldn’t believe it; they gained feelings for a cookie.

A cookie with me, I wonder, could it be? Now all I have to do; destroy it all for you My heart and soul too I’ll just abandon all the things I have now Just as long as I’m able to love you again somehow Without a doubt I will give up my wings, And I’ll face all the evils that our love will surely bring.

The dragon watched you and your fiancé pick a dress for the wedding with envy, your marriage was arranged to this nuisance that they hated so. They believed you and them had a much closer bond, you had become such good friends during their time living with you. They had to ask, make their move before it was too late.

“Are you sure you want to go through with this?” The Dragon asked.

“Erm, yes, why do you ask?” You were puzzled.

“This marriage is arranged right? Not true love from what I see…And I can’t help it anymore.” The dragon replied, placing a kiss upon your lips.

You blushed and were stunned; they felt this way towards you. But on impulse you pushed them back, a look of shame crossed your face as a hurt expression crossed theirs. Then they turned a left down the hall, you didn’t see them again. Only finding a single scale in their room.

A cookie in black, at the sacred place of Gods they saw a cookie, who they thought was really odd And through their gaze, they could see right through their lies They were smiling even though they had such mournful eyes They froze in place, as they were gazing at their face Were they in love or did they just miss a warm embrace The two drew close, then they gave into the lust within And ran away to start their night of sin What they had in their hand was a fruit of desire, With their passion still set ablaze, and burning bright like a fire.

When the day of your wedding came you realized the terrible mistake you had made, you didn’t want to marry this cookie. You missed your dragon friend who cared so deeply about you. Yes, they shouldn’t have kissed you out of the blue like that but still…

“Excuse me, I’m not late, am I?” As a new yet strangely familiar voice.

You came face to face with a new cookie whose features reminded you of the dragon you knew. They were smiling but there was a somberness in their eyes. You approached this cookie and gave them a tight hug of which they returned; you knew who they really were. When you let go, they held out a hand, which you gladly took. Ripping off the veil the two of you fled the church, to a new home far in the woods.

Are we finally free? Is it true? Can it be? Within this night of lust, it’s just the two of us So love is a must Fragments of time that we have lost long ago They will all link us, back no matter what our love forgoes Now what is left is all the pain and regrets But with you here with me, I cannot help but just forget.

They did their absolute best to make the night romantic for the both of you, their kisses pressed against the right places as they pleasured and loved you. It felt far sweeter than anything else you had experienced in your whole life. You lived together, alone in that house and loved each other each and every day. They were quite possessive and protective of you but that greatened the appeal.

They cuddled and held you close at night, softly kissing your temple.

“I love you.” They mumbled.

Ahh~ All of the things we did wrong Etched into our bodies as permanent wounds as we carry on The time has come, the hour of judgement Before they could act, They were shot: THE COOKIE IN BLACK!

Your lover was gone for a bit, you were blissfully unaware of the oncoming danger. Slowly approaching was a masked Longan Guard, bow at the ready. As they got into position, they pulled back the draw string. You looked just in time to see the arrow fired, only to feel searing pain as it struck through your heart and out the other side.

The guard teleported away just as your lover returned home to find your bleeding corpse on the ground, they knew what had happened, consequence caught up with them. They screamed and wailed as they held your body, there was only one thing left to do…the only way to save you for their mistake. They didn’t want to live without you, but this life wouldn’t grant them that mercy.

There was a dragon who had lost both their wings From their lips, spilled the vow, They were long ago supposed to sing Saving their lover from the black depths of hell Was a scale they left behind to bid their last farewell But as they awoke again,

“I Love You...” They uttered before disappearing into nothing but a scale.

Processing what happened you wept and wailed right after, clutching the scale close to your heart as you sat in your own jam…Maybe you’d meet them again one day, but not in this life.

That’s when they broke the spell…’ There was a dragon who had lost both their wings And a cookie tainted black whose eyes never stopped weeping Even if we are to be punished and cursed We shall keep our vow alive, and hold it deep within While embracing the painful truth that we have wronged and sinned ‘Til the fruits of our crimes have rotten and we are redeemed “'Til the next fateful meeting, you will live on in my dreams…”

[cryptidghostgirl]

Heyy :)))

any writing tips for beginners?

First off, can I just say, it is genuinely such an honor to get asked this question? It makes me so happy.

The biggest thing I would recommend for beginners is just to write. The more you write, the more used to it you get. I know that doesn't sound like very productive advice, but it is the truth. I have been writing fics since I was twelve and I am twenty one now. My first fics were shit. One of my earliest ones (its a BSD Akutagawa x Reader fic called Project X I started when the show first came out back in 2016 and finished in 2022 that is still up on my wattpad, which is linked in my pinned post, if you want proof I am not lying) is genuine shit, but I put a lot of passion and a lot of time into it (to the point that if you read the book, you watch me learn how to write). It was the practice and time spent that did the trick. So write and write and write. You don't have to post it anywhere or show it to anyone until you feel like you are ready (or at all). The more you do it, the more everything will fall into place.

The second thing I would recommend is to write the stories that you want to read, whether fanfiction or not. You have to be invested in whatever you're making in order for it to work. If you don't care, you wont put the effort in. You wont take the time for it. The only reason I started writing in the first place was because I would read fic after fic and I never saw anyone else putting the ideas I had on to paper (this actually lead to me starting a mini trend in the BSD fic community on wattpad lol). This will also help, if you are putting your work out into the world in some way, with the idea of reward. Whether through notes or readers or whatever, as long as you like what you are writing and you want to read what you are making, it is worth it and it is enough.

Third is to read. One of the ways I developed my own writing style was by taking note of the things I liked about other peoples writing styles (doesn't matter whom. I take a lot of the way I write from poets and authors like Annie Dillard and Terry Pratchett as well as other fic writers). So much of writing is about aesthetics and personal preference. Once I knew what I defined as 'good writing,' I could figure out how to morph my own work into something I deemed 'good.' This also counts for reading the things you yourself have written. I go back and re-read and edit my own work all the fucking time, both out of an enjoyment for the stories I create and in an effort to make them better. The best thing you can do is to read your work out loud. Listen to what you change when you read it out loud, what sounds odd or uncomfortable, where there are gaps. It really helped me when I first started writing fics almost ten years ago, and it still helps me now.

This is a weird one, but when you're writing about emotions, try to feel the emotion yourself. Think about what something like fear does to a person. Picture the situation you are writing and take the time to think about the ways in which you personally, or your character, would react to it. Writing reactions, body movements, things like that, has always been the most difficult for me, especially when its in-between dialogue and not just big blocks of text. Taking a moment and closing my eyes, feeling the shiver down my spine or the burst of sudden joy, really helps pin down the ideas and figure out how to describe them.

Also, if you know other languages, think about the things you like about the way those function and how you can incorporate that into your work. A lot of the way I structure sentences comes from ancient Greek, for example, with my usage of participles and timing. It doesn't have to be an ancient language though! And it doesn't even really have to be another language. All that matters is that you are actively thinking about the way the words interact with one another and what is pleasing to you. English is such a flexible and fun thing, there is so much meaning in every word and if you want to, it can be really fun to play around with. (I am a philologist. I am sorry for the little rant.)

That being said, it is important that you understand the grammar of the language you are writing in. This might just be a personal thing, but incorrect grammar tends to really bug me. Once you know the rules, they are easier to follow and it makes a huge difference. Also, incorporating techniques like varied sentence length/structure and literary devices like metaphor, allusion, ekphrasis, and simile can really make a piece more enjoyable for a perspective reader (whether the reader is yourself or someone else.)

Write what you know, write what you love, write what you want, write what you need, write. Don't worry about it being 'good enough,' if it is on the paper it is good enough. The hardest part is starting. Once you've got that under your belt, anything is possible.

Now that this post is almost excessively long, I am gonna make myself stop. I really hope at least some of this made sense and that you find it helpful.

<3 <3

[quinnkdev]

My Failed Translations for other French RPG Maker Games: "Duplo", "Exercice de Style", "Dark Soul.Ace"

So, while looking through my games folder on my computer, I stumbled across three RPG Maker 2003 titles I'd like to briefly talk about.

A few years ago - nearly a decade by this point, most likely - I was such an enormous fan of Mortis Ghost's work that I was effectively scraping the bottom of the barrel. Comics and non-game works, but also: Short jam-games, and group-efforts, and shitposts...

Which brings me to my numerous failed translation efforts of those kinds of games. More under the cut.

Dark Soul.Ace

I'll head Dark Soul.Ace, the shitpost of the bunch, off at the pass:

I played it, and didn't think it was particularly interesting or funny.

I looked through the code, and, at the time, was confused, and mixed with the fact I didn't find it entertaining, a translation never got off the ground. I had no passion for it.

Below is the "trailer" for this shitpost game. Be advised that it's VERY late 00s-era humour, and really hasn't aged gracefully.

It gets more interesting from here, though:

Duplo

As far as I remember, this was a jam game Mortis Ghost made together with Exaheva, another comics artist he was collaborating with at the time. Exaheva is still around these days, and she seems a good sort!

Duplo was a strange little beast. Clocking in at only around 15 minutes of playtime, it's a game wherein the protagonist (whose name escapes me atm) lives in a sucky town in a sucky world where people are jerks to him - and then finds a hat that, when put on, transfers him to a version of that same world where people are actually nice to him and respect him!

My translation of this one actually got a decent bit further than the one of the other games I named. My main issue were the colloquialisms it used, which I could much more easily push through now.

If I had more spare time, I'd actually finish it - but while this game is only slightly edgy by today's standards, I still feel like there's not really a demand for "Duplo" to be brought to the English language.

Exercice de Style

This one hurts to admit as my great, big failure. For many reasons!

Those of you who have read some of my Patreon posts about An Outcry's story will know that I have a fondness for the French Oulipo, a kind of writer's association (founded in the 1960s) whose main philosophy is the use of intricate restrictions in order to focus the potency of a written work.

Well, one writer under that umbrella was Raymond Queneau! And he wrote a short book called "Style Exercises", in which he told the same, simple story of a man having an argument on a bus in several different writing and narration styles.

And in ~2009, the Oniromancie forums, as instructed by Exaheva, did the same with RPG Maker 2003.

The "vanilla" story is really simple: You're a plucky RPG hero living in a house with your mum and your sister, when, ALAS! A slime attacks a girl outside! You kill it, and the day is saved.

And along this game's 15 variations, this story would be turned on its head, and retold in several interesting fashions. There's one told from the perspective of a slime's family; One where everyone is a featureless cube; one where the entire thing is an action-RPG on the overworld rather than turn-based one; a dystopian sci-fi one; one made BY Mortis Ghost and one made in the STYLE of OFF - hell, even one that's just a visual novel!

"That's so interesting!", I hear you say. "I want to play that!" Well...

The reason I didn't finish my translation of this one is unfortunately, multifold.

A lot of the text in these 15 game-variations is hard-coded - or rather, hard-printed onto assets. Translating that means translating and editing a staggering amount of image assets without interfering with their size or dimensions, which is a nightmarish edge to walk on.

Some of these have really not aged gracefully - specifically the VN-variation I felt was really ill-conceived and had a incestual ending (????????)

A few of these game variations are VERY buggy. Specifcally the one Mortis Ghost had a strong hand in - the "abstract horror" one - has a glitch where the walls cease to function, and generally-speaking, the game deals very badly with finishing one of the variations and returning to the scene-selection screen. I don't... want to scour through code that I didn't make to fix all of that. Straight-up.

Now, do I suggest you check this game out? Sure, if you can find it. I'm purposefully not providing a download link here because I'm unsure where Mortis or the other contributors stand with this often silly and sometimes ugly thing, but I do think it's absolutely worth being checked out for people who love weird and obscure RPG Maker 2003 titles.

imo, it's worth it alone for the surreal horror piece that Mortis created with the story. It's a little silly, and you can tell it's not taking itself 100% seriously, but somehow it manages to be genuinely disquieting at the same time.

[rcsthewriter]

Introduction

Greetings and salutations.

I am @rcsthewriter and this is my writeblr.

About Me

As this is anonymous, I won't reveal much but I am a twenty-five-year-old human currently living in the southern hemisphere with an academic background in English Literature, Psychology, and Library Sciences. I dabble in paganism and witchcraft very quietly. To me, life is not worth living if I cannot listen to music and look after my cats. My grammar is pretty terrible but I promise I am working on it.

About This Blog

I grew up writing poetry and stories but this passion was squashed by school and people and life. This blog is a place for me to get back into writing and to test out my (many) ideas. As a long-time lurker in the writeblr community, I am excited to meet other writers and readers. The plan is to write for the characters of my unnamed WIP, to reblog posts that I like, and to engage with other people.

About My Writing

My WIP is a dark academia novel that involves the interweaving of history, science, and magic. I will be delving into the mythologies and folklore of a variety of locations, the horrors of scholarly conspiracies, and the desperate and often obsessive goal to gain knowledge.

That is all for now. I am sure I will add an edit to this post as I get my bearings being an active community member rather than a lurker.

27/01/24 Edit:

I just wanted to add a disclaimer about this blog: None of the photos used in original posts are mine, though they have been edited. They were all found on Pinterest. If you spot your photo and wish to have me remove it, please send me a message and I'll do so.

27/02/24 Edit:

I have created a sideblog that is solely dedicated to reblogs. You can find it at: @rcsthewriterreblogs

🗡𝔯𝔠𝔰𝔱𝔥𝔢𝔴𝔯𝔦𝔱𝔢𝔯

[niabridges]

I wanted to write a character profile for my MC, Ennea Bragge, and some cool moments with her new best friends. (I’ll probably have better screenshots coming)

Full name: Ennea Emiliana Bragge m. Ennea Sallow Name explained: The word "Ennea" is the Greek word for "nine". Nine represents the combination of three trinities (3x3). This symbolizes Ennea's internal struggle between light and darkness, her past self and her new identity, or conflicting loyalties.

DOB: February 1st, 1876 Nickname: E, Enny

Gender: Female (she/her)

Nationality: English

Blood Status: pureblood

House: Slytherin

Wand: Phoenix core, 10 ¾" Length, Willow, white or black (haven’t decided yet)

Patronus: Unicorn

Likes: Butterbeer, cats, owls, cheesy jokes

Dislikes: liars, stupid rules, getting up early, Ravenclaws (sometimes when they bully her) 

Magical pet: Siamese cat Loona

Owl: Boisie the eagle owl

Hobbies: Seeker on the Slytherin team, drawing, piano

Appearance

Hair: Hazelnut brown

Eyes: Azure blue

Height: 166cm

Physique: slim, too skinny, but she develops curves later on when she gets older

Other features: Tiny freckles on the nose, moles, blush

Parents: Unknown to her (grew up in a Muggle orphanage), Anton Bragge, Mona Bragge

Siblings: Ivanna Briarwood (Bragge), Ivory Bragge

Future

Career: Unspeakable at the British Ministry, briefly Arcane at MACUSA Arcane Department

Partner/Spouse: Sebastian Sallow Children: twins Silas and Slaine Sallow, Anya Sallow, Eloise Sallow

Primary background (will edit)

Background: Ennea Bragge comes from a long line of pureblood witches and wizards, but having grown up in a Muggle orphanage not much is known about her family. She transferred to Hogwarts in her 5th year, having previously been homeschooled (her magic more suppressed than encouraged) due to her unique magical abilities and the dangers they posed.

Personality:  Ennea possesses the shrewd mind and relentless ambition of a true Slytherin. Her intelligence is her weapon, resourcefulness her shield.  Though fiercely independent, she forges bonds of unwavering loyalty to those who earn her trust. A strong moral compass guides her, but it's tempered by a pragmatism honed by Slytherin House.  Though guarded, her deepest secrets-- her ancient magic, her hidden fears-- burn with an intensity that rivals any Gryffindor's courage.  Never underestimate what Ennea will do when she sets her sights on a goal.

Magical Abilities: Ennea possesses a unique form of magic that allows her to tap into ancient, nearly forgotten spells and incantations. She has a deep connection to the magical world and can sense magical auras and disturbances. Her ability to see and understand the hidden layers of magic makes her a formidable witch, but it also makes her a target for those who seek to exploit her power. In her 5th year she won a battle against a rebel Goblin Ranrok and saved Hogwarts in secret. She lost her mentor professor Fig in the battle. She contained all the repositories of ancient magic. Her famous reputation at school slowly started to grow.

Hobbies and Interests: Ennea is an avid reader and spends hours in the Hogwarts library, researching ancient texts and forgotten spells. She's also passionate about dueling and has honed her skills in Defense Against the Dark Arts. She loves to explore the outdoors around the castle.

Key Relationships:

Sebastian Sallow: Ennea shares a close bond with Sebastian, which has evolved from friendship to something deeper. She admires his courage and strength, and their shared adventures have created a strong connection between them.

Ominis Gaunt: Ominis is Ennea's loyal friend and confidante. She values his wisdom and unique perspective, and they share a deep mutual respect.

Challenges: Ennea grapples with the responsibility of her unique magical abilities and the dangers they pose. She is keeping a lot of secrets like ancient magic and Sebastian’s dark secret of killing his uncle and sometimes it become a burden. She's also navigating her feelings for both Sebastian and Ominis, creating a complicated love triangle within their trio.

Role in the Story: Ennea is the central character in their adventures, often guiding their decisions and actions with her knowledge of ancient magic. Her character growth is closely tied to her acceptance of her abilities and her relationships with Sebastian and Ominis. As they face increasingly perilous challenges, Ennea's determination and strength become vital to their survival. Ancient magic: A Double-Edged Sword

While potent and alluring, ancient magic is a demanding force. Unlike the controlled spells of modern times, it operates on a primal level, often reflecting the raw will of the caster. This translates to several key limitations:

Unpredictable Power: Ancient magic is notoriously difficult to control. The desired outcome is never guaranteed, with spells potentially backfiring or producing unintended consequences.

Emotional Volatility: Ancient magic is a reflection of the wielder's deepest self. Strong emotions, especially negativity, can corrupt the magic, twisting its effects and potentially causing harm to both the caster and those around them. Maintaining emotional control is paramount.

Hidden Costs: Tapping into such potent magic can exact a toll. Using ancient magic can leave the wielder drained, both physically and mentally. Overuse can lead to a dependence on its raw power, making it harder to utilize traditional, safer magic.

A Legacy of Power, a Burden to Master

Ancient magic offers immense power, but it comes with significant risks.  Those who wield it must be prepared for its volatile nature, the emotional discipline required, and the potential consequences of wielding such a primal force.  It is a legacy of power, but also a burden to master.

[shoezuki]

Shoe im too sleep deprived to go zooming on all those screenshots and redownloadong the bird app, may i ask what is happening w the dream drama u posted? I love ur summaries, they make me laugh about things i am gratefully unaware of

My beloved anon im sorry it took me this long. But i am lazy. No other reason really. So i am now chronicling this dhit on my phone. And oh fuck dude is it a trip

SO. this fuckery began with quackity announcing the QSMP. He did so on the 17th of march and whatever the fuck. He mentioned it earlier than this (edit: just checked but the First announcements was the 10th)

And this is all great. New server that fucks. But what truly started all this. Was dream's tweet on his private twitter.

Im gonna try to be kinda impartial qnd jus. Explain it all as is but first i gotta say who says this shit lmao. So quackity announces his new project and is very passionate about it, he tweets more on his alt(?) About how much it means to him to bring his two languages spanish and english together. And dream on private is like 'wow cool! Guys dont get mad at me when i announce the same thing later tho haha' its just so weird.

But anyways. The usmp wasnt even A Thing. Only written instance of dream makin a multilingual server was in a tweet defending himself from copying quackity. (Altho he allegedly mentions in streams or whatever wanting yo do things w other ppl from other languages? But that shit dont count n im not diggin audio n videos out fuck that).

The actual, official announcement of dream makin a usmp was april 2nd (idk why this says the 3rd but whatever) wherein he announces the 'first multilingual smp' with a list of languages that will be on it such as portugese, spanish, english, russian, etc. And that it has live translation.

The same day, quackity releases a tweet labelling the qsmp as the 'first multilingual smp' and that he is introducing a live translation system to it. Mr beast connects that the usmp and qsmp are similar to which dream responds. Quackity doesnt respond, nor does he acknowledge the usmp at all.

Dream's response is essentially theyre different in that qsmp is spanish and english, he announced his live translator first, they had 'similar good ideas'.

So. This sparked a lot of drama and discussion. Because of the 'first multilingual' bit in that people began discrediting qsmp as it was 'only' english and spanish, and therefore was bilingual and not multilingual. Altho others countered thid by saying quackity himself called it a multilingual server in his streams. Not to mention the idea that the translator was copied but regardless both those things are kinda stupid arguments and just drama inspired by the comparisons.

More notably is that dream team were making fun of the 'first multilingual server' bit after this. Dream was liking some jokes at it as well

Dream also liked some. Vaguely sexual/romantic 'they should just kiss already' art of him and quackity?

Also after this dream started somewhat addressing/replying to quackity more. Quackity didnt respond to any of it.

Dream also tweeted this on his private the day after

Most narrowed in on the 'this wouldnt have happened without quackity' and was often interpretted as dream saying quackity HELPED him w it in some way or that there was more collab behind the scenes but we will find that to be false. Because. On april 27th. Dream dropped his magnum opus. Which i will include in one screenshot.

Anyways i seriously encourage reading the full thing here because its. Something. Theres so much. It is literally 1.7k words. A lot of it is repetitive but i will. Try. To summarize it.

Essentially dream is writing that he has been trying to contact quackity for some time now with no response. He has been messaging him about how theyve ended up with similar servers (therefore noting that neither one know of the other). This gets nothing. Dream tries contacting quackity more publically with jokes. Nothing. He starts going through secondary sources by talkin to ppl to message quackity for him (i think some people who dream knows that are on the qsmp. Unsure who) but quackity doesnt say shit. Dream is being absolutely ghosted.

Im also noting this last paragraph in his first tweet where he describes being 'taken back' when quackity announces the qsmp live translator after his usmp announcement, because he 'knew it would cause more drama'.

He says he messages quackity so they can plan how to deal with the 'vitriol' between the teo 'communities' and that the drama can be solved with 'communication'. He is ghosted. He also mentions that he puts the usmp 'on hold' in the 2nd tweet so it all can be dealt with and he can 'extend love and support to quackity'. Most notably he says that its alluded that quackity wouldnt let ppl who were on the usmp couldnt be on the qsmp which dream tries to say makes sense for quackity to do.

Theres apparently a fucking image limit on the tumblr app which ive hit so i am now not using images and speedrunning this shit. But im quoting this one thing exactly as its most important:

"That being said, I’ve seen the communities split against each other and have tons of hate build around this and around the speculations of peoples motives and friendships and so on, and it’s really really harmful to the community as a whole. I have seen more threats, doxing, fights, slander, and hate between a bunch of fan bases that I’ve seen in a very long time. I personally have experienced an elevated level of in real life threats & stalkers & even had the police involved in somebody showing up at my house, & even putting trackers on my family vehicles, surrounding this drama, for the first time since pre-face reveal. That’s really why I feel like I have to say something about it despite me wanting to avoid any kind of serious talk about all of this, especially even talking about communication publicly feels wrong but necessary in this instance. I never like to air out anything that feels or is private, but I feel like in this case it’s really important for my fan base to be aware of my intentions, motives, thought process, and how we got to where we are. I’ve always been a creator that’s very open with my fan base about everything going on in my life and this is a massive thing right now for my friends & me"

His last tweet begins with him saying he 'doesnt want anymore drama' and ends eith him saying he loves quackity and believes this is all just a miscommunication.

Now, obviously, shit blew up. Hes been ratiod a few times by people meming it. Ive seen many people on quackity's 'side' saying that the usmp doesnt even exist yet, dream is the one causing drama, etc. And people on dream's 'side' saying quackity is being horrible and needs address this because its caused dream to be in danger. Most importantly. Quackity didnt address it at all.

But then quackity announced he was going live in an hour. And a lot assumed hed say something. But he didnt. His stream was roughly 15 minutes long and it was entirely quackity announcing that he was introducing brazilian/portugese speaking streamers onto the qsmp.

Anyways. Theres a lot of details but my hand hurts now. A big thing is whether qsmp or usmp was 'first'. Imo theres a lot more pointing towards quackity having had this is store for a longass time, as he had been hinting and a project of his for months and more notably the qsmp is so organized and put together i doubt he couldve had it finished up 'after' dream as dream's nonexistent server was an idea he got after that squidcraft thing in early March i think?

More recently (i think today) i saw that quackity apparently took two emojis off his twitch that were dream roblox characters and i saw people freaking out in r/dwt2 about how quackity could be so petty? But ya. My condolences if youve read all this.