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beholdme · 3 years

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All the Many Shades of Gerry - Chapter 18

Chapters: 18/19

Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist

Characters: Martin Blackwood, Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Sasha James, Gertrude Robinson, Elias Bouchard

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Library AU, Librarian Jon, Artist Gerry, Trans Male Character, Trans Martin Blackwood, Canon Asexual Character, Asexual Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Ace Subtype - Sex Positive, Polyamory, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Romantic Fluff, Falling In Love, Boys in Skirts, Kissing, Demisexual Gerard Keay, Minor Character Death, Past Character Death, Canon-Typical Child Neglect, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Flirting, Minor Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist/Tim Stoker, Adventures in Hair Dying, Happy Ending, Banter, Gerry has a lot of sass, Gerard Keay is Morticia Adams, Jon is a very grumpy Librarian, Martin adores them anyway.

Summary: In which Gerry is a kaleidoscope and Jon and Martin can’t help falling in love with him.

He happens to love them back.

Find it on Ao3

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17]

They cook, they feed him, they chat away about inane things. Their presence soothes Martin and their voices fill him with the warmth sucked away by his unexpected encounter.

Gerry helps him make tea after dinner, and they all sit at the table together, even the cats sleeping nearby, cuddled up into one big, grey and black fluff ball.

"I think," Martin begins, voice croaky, "That I would like to tell you now."

"We're ready to listen if you're ready to tell us." Jon offers softly. Gerry reaches over to take one of his hands, turning it over to kiss the palm sweetly.

Martin talks, voice quiet and even.

"In the beginning, it was just a normal relationship. Except for the fact that he was almost twenty years older than me, and about a million times richer. I didn't know that at first, of course. He was just a middle-aged man I met in a gay bar, who didn't seem to mind that I was trans. I felt secure in our relationship, if not exactly nurtured or adored. I had never felt very secure before, and it seemed like enough, you know?

"He took me out, brought me a few things in the beginning. He was very dominant, sexually, but I was a lot less sure of my own preferences back then and I thought it was fine. He never even blinked at my trashy flat or cheap clothes, and I didn't even realise just how much money he had for a long time. Maybe I just can't really comprehend that much money, even now.

"When I was twenty-two, my mother died, and…" He huffs out a shaky, emotional laugh. "Well, I was a real mess. I lost my job, and almost my flat. Peter started paying for things, my rent, clothes, meals. He said that I needed somewhere to live and had to eat and look presentable, and it was his pleasure to provide those things for me. It made me feel a bit gross, but I struggled to find another job, and so I accepted it."

Martin hesitates here, before continuing. "The problem started when I wasn't interested in sex one night."

"He forced you?" Gerry interrupts to ask dangerously, threat explicit in his quiet words. His eyes seem to glow faintly in the growing dark of the room, as the sun sets. He wishes, more than ever, that he had helped Jon kick the shit out of Peter Lukas, instead of stopping him.

Martin sighs, eyes pressed tight closed for a second. "Not exactly. He simply pointed out that he paid for me to exist. So I made myself interested."

Gerry's hands tighten into fists and he moves them under the table where Martin can't see them anymore. Jon suddenly looks very pale. They share a look, neither able to see much difference between 'forcing' and what sounds a lot like financial abuse to them.

Martin pulls his legs up to his chest, curling around them as he goes on. "Our relationship became a lot more transactional after that night. I disengaged whatever feelings I had left for him and simply drew all my emotions down deep into myself. I wasn't ashamed to be getting paid for sex, but I felt like I had lost my own consent in the matter. Peter honestly seemed like he had gotten exactly what he wanted. Money was nothing to him, and he had someone to take out on his arm or shag whenever he wanted, without the work of a real relationship, or the complications of unfortunate attachments.

"So, if I needed something, I told him. He set a date, took me out, fucked me. He gave me however much I needed."

Martin shrugs, looking down at his hands. "I honestly hated it. Not because of the prostitution itself, sex has always been very nurturing for me, and I sometimes caught the idea that it was only another way to care for people, and being paid for that is perfectly fine, if you're doing it for the right reasons. The real issue was Peter himself. He had this way of making me feel… bereft and hollow, even before the money came into it."

A few tears track down his face, although his face remains rather blank, in a numb way. It's only as he admits the next words that his voice breaks and the heartbreak works its way out again.

"I was very foolish. Looking back, I can see that I was still a child in a lot of ways. I put myself into a situation that damaged me, but I accept the consequences of those actions, both then and now. I- I-"

"Martin," Jon whispers, warm love clear in his voice. It's nothing but an offer of support, one that he desperately needs right now.

He presses his eyes shut, forcing away the stutter and the lump of tears. "I knew I wasn't going to be able to get out of it, even if I got a crap, minimum wage job that I was qualified for. So I started applying for any work that was available. I made every application exactly what they wanted, and I hoped for the best. When Elias offered me the job at Magnus, I took it happily. Since then I found out that Peter knows him, and probably arranged the job for me, but at the time I had no idea. Looking back, I know that it's a miracle that I got out of it at all. Peter could have chosen to make my life a living hell. Instead, he accepted the several firm rejections I offered him.

"He promised me that we weren't done, that I would be back, but he left me alone. I was done. I moved on with my life, even if I had to lie to do it." Martin sighs, shakes out his shoulders, the most difficult part over now.

"I had always planned to be open about it with my next relationships, but they were so fleeting that it never even came up. By the time I fell for Jon, it had become a secret, one I was loathed to dig up for a relationship I was convinced wouldn't last. I thought to myself, 'Why ruin something that makes me happy?' I assumed it would fall apart anyway, and it was easier to allow it to be in the past.

"But I am sorry. I'm sorry that I never told you. I'm sorry you had to find out from him. I'm sorry that we've been together for more than a year and we basically live together, and I've put you in this position. I love you both, very very much."

"When did you eventually decide that our relationship was going to last?" Jon queries, genuine curiosity in his voice.

There's a beat of hazy silence at the abrupt change in tone and topic.

"Oh, ah-" Martin stumbles over his words, unsure how blatantly honest to be. He chooses the real truth, no matter how unfortunate. "The day that I got Luna was the first time I really accepted that you both loved me."

Jon simply raises an eyebrow, completely unconcerned. "What about you, Gerry?"

"With you," Gerry responds easily, "at the hospital in Morden, when I was so panicked that I couldn't decide if I wanted to kill you or handcuff us together for the rest of our lives. With Martin-"

He breaks off with a laugh, colouring slightly. "It was the day we dyed my hair purple."

"The first time we had sex?" Martin asks, surprised at such a hedonistic answer.

He laughs again, more confidently this time. "No, actually, although that was spectacular. It was afterwards, when you braided my hair for the first time. That was the first time anyone had ever braided my hair. It made me feel so… So honoured. Like I was the most precious thing to you."

"Gerry, you are the most precious thing to me. You both are." Martin whispers, tears creeping back into his voice.

"Good, because the feeling is mutual, and we desperately need you around to keep us in line," Jon tells him, voice unusually firm and confident.

"What about you?" Martin remembers to ask him, at risk of floating away in his post confession haze. "When did you know?"

"With Gerry, it was when we were teenagers. I kissed him for the first time, and he laughed at me. I just knew he was my soulmate." Jon rolls his eyes at this, but his voice is full of blatant affection. "With you, Martin, it was- Well, to be quite honest with you, there was no one special moment. It was a million tiny moments, all of them special and perfect to me. Every cup of tea, every frown while you were writing poetry, glasses pushed haphazardly up into your lovely hair. The easy, glorious look on your face the day you met Gerry for the first time, as if you weren't even capable of not falling in love with him, just as I hadn't been. It was especially the days that I would come out of the library and find you waiting for me after work. This weight of total surety would fill my chest and leave me gasping, needing you."

Jon sighs, his own eyes a little bright. "I suppose it was really the night you kissed me in the rain, and every soft moment since then has only affirmed the way I knew you were it for me."

Jon smiles at Martin so beatifically that he forgets to breathe for a moment.

"We love you too, Martin," Gerry tells him, reaching out to grasp a hand. Jon takes the other. "And we wouldn't want you any other way."

***

The next morning, Martin wakes to find Jon eyeing his phone intently. Gerry is asleep on his other side, and he feels warmly cocooned between them. Gentle cloudy light fills the space, encouraging the comfortable cozy atmosphere of their bed.

"What's wrong, love?" Martin asks sleepily, snuggling into his side.

"I got-" Jon pauses, utterly flummoxed. "I got paid a bonus."

"What?" Equally perplexed, Martin takes his phone, squinting as he tries to read the screen.

The banking app is open, and there is indeed a deposit there, Jon's normal salary amount, but on completely the wrong date.

In the purpose box, it simply reads 'Entertainment Value'.

"You don't think," Jon starts, hesitant, "that Elias paid me…"

"For hitting Peter Lukas?" Martin finishes, "His own husband."

They blink at each other, bewildered.

"Does that seem… slightly cursed, to you?" Jon whispers as if Elias might hear him. Even worse if Elias could hear them, and would probably enjoy being accused of having a cursed relationship.

"Yes, completely cursed. What is up with those two?" Martin looks as if he's smelled something bad.

"We absolutely cannot spend this money, right?" Jon asks. "Lest we are cursed with their relationship dysfunction."

"Correct," Martin responds firmly, shuddering. "Can we donate it to the animal shelter?"

"I think that's a wonderful idea." Jon's relief at this resolution is palpable.

He does it straight away, as if even having the money in his bank account might ruin their lives.

They let out a simultaneous sigh as the transfer goes through.

"That is wild," Martin mutters as he snuggles back down.

Jon tosses his phone away, no longer interested in it. Instead, he wraps his arms around Martin, burying his nose in his lover's hair. It smells of bergamot and tea leaves and the ocean in winter, just like Martin himself, and Jon luxuriates in the moment.

"I love you, Martin K. Blackwood." He whispers into the soft air.

"Even if I don't actually have a middle name?" Martin whispers back.

"Especially because of that." Jon chuckles.

They lay together, the gentle moments of the morning flowing around them. Later, they get up and shower together. They drink tea in front of the big windows in the living space. Martin reads a book from Gerry's shelves, his own books still packed, and Jon wanders off to play his piano where it is randomly set up, right in the middle of Gerry's typical painting area.

Gerry himself appears downstairs, still sleepy and bleary-eyed. He curls up with his head in Martin's lap, listening to Jon fill the flat with gentle music.

It's the soft sort of moment that each of them had been wishing for all their lives, full of love, and family, and a home of their very own.

#the magnus archives #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #gerry keay #jongerrymartin #fic #also on ao3

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gracelesslamb · 4 years

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“Don’t Talk”

Rated: Explicit

Fandom: Code Geass

Pairing: Cécile x Lloyd

Summary: Lloyd will do anything for giant robots. Even show an interest in girls. Sort of. There’s not really a plot it’s mostly just smut.

“Cécile, you’re a woman aren’t you?”

Cécile Croomy holds back her grimace at the obliviousness of Earl Asplund’s question. Could the guy get any more cliché in his cluelessness?

“Yes. I’m a woman. Where are you going with this?”

The Earl chuckles, running his fingers through his light violet locks idly. “Obviously it is to ask a favor of you. I require practice in the art of copulation—“

“ExcUSE ME? That ISN’T something you just ASK for practice in. Look, I get that you don’t understand how human attraction works but you don’t just ask your subordinate, who is not your betrothed to...do stuff like that with you!” Cécile fumes, turning back to her work, her cheeks flaming a bright crimson.

Another condescending chuckle. What was wrong with this man? “Science is trial and error. I want to please my future wife, Miss Ashford, so I can get my hands on those antique Knightmare frames, and I have no experience whatsoever with the opposite sex. Odds are if Miss Ashford isn’t pleased with my performance, the opportunity to study those frames would slip through my fingers!”

Cécile sighs. “Then take Miss Ashford on a date or something. Why should I help you practice?”

“Because you would give me honest feedback. I do see you as my conscience after all. I don’t exactly know how I am supposed to conduct myself in such situations and I will probably need instruction. Besides...it has been awhile since you’ve had a lover.”

The heat rising in Cécile’s face rose to a boiling point. He was right. It had been awhile since she had gotten any action whatsoever. Instead she was just making eyes at Suzaku, who really didn’t notice her or anyone else since Princess Euphemia died and honestly she couldn’t blame him. But...Lloyd? She was pretty certain Lloyd was asexual and sleeping with him would be like going to the doctor’s office except with penetration.

Wait.

Why was she even thinking about it? Granted the Earl of Pudding was easy on the eyes, with his fluffy lilac hair, somewhat handsome face, his lithe frame and...those hands. She wasn’t a prude and had occasionally indulged in casual flings and one night stands before, but never with someone she would actually see daily. Granted, she definitely knew that Lloyd would have no problem pretending their little fling never happened because he was...Lloyd.

“S-so...let me get this straight. You want me to...what? Let you go down on me for science?”

“Correct. In fact, I don’t believe we will need to have intercourse. Unless you want to, of course. If that’s the case I will provide adequate contraception.”

Cécile cringes a bit. He’s so..clinical about this. But...she was intrigued enough by the idea of Lloyd going down on her that she nods hesitantly.

“F-fine. But if you’re weird about it, I’m gonna make you stop, okay?”

“Yes, yes. I understand. I’ll drop by your place tonight at 8:00 sharp.”

Cécile nods again, blushing profusely and not daring to look her future bed partner in the eye. Jeez. What had she gotten herself into?

——————————————-

Later that night, Cécile was ready. She had settled on some deep purple lacy lingerie that was covered by a fluffy white robe. She was fresh out of the shower and sitting on her bed in sheer anticipation. God, why did she agree to this? Sheer curiosity about how her boss would be in bed? That’s a good explanation as anything else she could come up with.

The doorbell rings and she gets up and opens the door. Lloyd, wearing his standard uniform, strides in as if he owns the place. A simple messenger bag is slung over his shoulder, which she assumes has the box of condoms inside. Hopefully he won’t work her into such a frenzy that they’ll need them.

“So, then. Where is your bedroom?” he asks, raising an eyebrow at her current state of dress. “I see you’re ready to get started, hmm?”

A blush rises in Cécile’s cheeks as she points in the direction of the bedroom . “I-It’s that way, you jerk!” she mutters.

Lloyd grins at her embarrassment and walks toward the bedroom, setting his bag on the side of the bed. Cécile, still red-faced, walks into the room and closes the door behind her and dimming the lights to set a less clinical mood. Well. Here they were.

She hesitantly sits on the bed, patting the spot next to her. Lloyd takes the hint and sits beside her. “So, where do you want to start? Some kissing? Or do you want to just get undressed right now?”

Cécile swats his arm lightly. “Just...just shut up and kiss me.”

“Hah. As you wish.” Without hesitation, Lloyd crashes his lips onto hers, threading those delicate fingers through her drying hair.

The kiss was sweet. Sensual. Slow. Enough so that Cécile’s eyes flutter shut and she just lets him nibble on her bottom lip and surprises even herself when she allows her lips to part and the kiss deepens. Eventually, though, the absurdity of who was kissing her was too much to bear and she breaks the kiss, pushing Lloyd away, who just smirks in response.

“What’s wrong? I thought my skills were adequate, judging by your reaction.” he remarks smugly, in such a way that made Cécile want to clock that smug smirk off his stupid face.

“N-nothing’s wrong I was just...expecting something different from you.” Hesitantly, she pulls him into another kiss, which Lloyd reciprocates by pulling Cécile into his lap as she snakes her arms around his neck, slightly toying with his soft hair. This was...surprisingly intimate.

Eventually Lloyd pulls on the robe’s sash, letting the material fall open. Cécile, in turn unbuttons his lab jacket, causing both of them to break the kiss and discard both lab jacket and robe.

“I see you’re enjoying yourself, Cécile.” Lloyd murmurs in her ear before pressing kisses against the skin of her neck, causing a quiet moan to leave Cécile’s lips.

“Ooh, I like that noise. Do it again!” Lloyd comments, before heating up his kisses, adding small bites and suckling to the mix. Céline, already embarrassed that she made such a noise, bites her lip before another moan comes out. “Lloyd, shut up!” she hisses.

“Yes, yes. Just making an observation. How am I doing so far, might I ask. Pretty good judging the noises you’re making, hm?” He pulls her into another heated kiss, swiping his tongue across her bottom lip, begging for entrance. Cécile breaks the kiss to answer, “Passable.”

“Well...I suppose I need to step up my game then, hmm?” Lloyd grins, pulling her back into the kiss, deepening it immediately and sliding his tongue inside of Cécile’s mouth, causing tingles to emanate throughout her body every time his tongue collides with hers.

While they kiss, Lloyd’s hands begin to wander from her back, to the inside of her thighs, causing Cécile to gasp softly into the kiss. His hand creeps upwards and cups one of her breasts through her bra while the other hand reaches behind and...attempts to unclasp the garment, causing Cécile to break the kiss and collapse into giggles as he struggles. “D-do you need help?” she asks, biting her lip as she buries her face into his shoulder, pulling down Lloyd’s turtleneck to press teasing kisses against his neck while he struggles.

“No, no. I simply need both hands to unlock this contraption.” Lloyd mutters breathily, looking over Cécile’s shoulder to see the clasp. Finally, after a few moments of more struggling, Lloyd finally unclasps the bra with a triumphant, “HAH! Success! Now, can you get off of me and lay on the bed?”

“Only if you take off your shirt too.” Cécile fires back, tugging at his shirt.

Lloyd sighs as he complies . “Very well. I suppose that’s a fair trade.” He pulls off the shirt revealing a fairly wiry body with very little body fat or muscle, but it was still pleasing to look at.

Cécile gets off of Lloyd’s lap and slides out of her bra, carefully laying down, avoiding the Earl’s gaze as she does.

Lloyd climbs on top of Cécile, engaging her in another kiss as a hand caresses a modestly sized breast in his palm. Breaking the kiss he murmurs, “I’ve never seen one of these up close before.” Moving down to her breasts, the Earl pokes at one of them with a look of fascination on his face, making Cécile roll her eyes. This man was 30 years old, five years her senior, yet he acted like such a child sometimes. Most times. All the time.

He spent a good amount of time playing with them, poking and prodding at them, squeezing and flicking at her nipples, causing several moans to escape Cécile’s lips, against her better judgement. He had got her going and now she was definitely feeling heat between her legs as he continues to play with her breasts.

“Y-you can put your mouth on them if you want.” Cécile murmurs, gasping softly as Lloyd takes a nipple into his mouth, tracing his tongue around the nipple, causing Cécile’s eyes to flutter shut as she bites her bottom lip to hold back another moan, her legs rubbing together as her lower regions begin to throb with anticipation.

Of course Lloyd was completely oblivious to Cécile’s thighs rubbing together and he continues to play with her breasts far longer than Cécile would’ve liked but she gave the Earl some slack — he’d never played with boobs before.

Eventually, Lloyd decides it’s time to move on and he kisses his way back up to Cécile’s lips, leaning in her ear. “So...how do you want me to pleasure you?” he asks. “With my hands?” His deft fingers rub at her clothed core, causing Cécile to sigh in pleasure. “My tongue?” he nips at her earlobe, “or..” his voice lowers into a whisper. “My cock.” With that he rubs himself against Cécile’s aching core, causing her to moan louder than she expected. He was...a decent size judging by what she had felt through his pants.

“A-all three?”

“How greedy.” Lloyd murmurs softly, pulling down her panties and immediately stroking her core, which by this time was soaking wet. “I guess I did promise to go down on you for science.” he mutters. “But now I need to take care of my own arousal too. How annoying. Do I have permission to penetrate you after cunnilingus?”

Cécile’s face burns bright red as she nods quickly, too embarrassed to say anything.

“Excellent. Then let’s get this show on the road, shall we? Spread your legs for me!” Lloyd exclaims, as if he was about to test a new feature on the Lancelot.

Slowly, Cécile spreads her legs, revealing her core to the Earl of Asplund, who grins with delight as he settles between her legs. “Now, let’s see if I remember my female anatomy correctly.” he murmurs, experimentally sliding a finger inside of her, his face flashing in surprise as her insides just suck him in. “Oh my. That’s..interesting. Just sucks you right in there, huh?”

Cécile was getting impatient. Her loins were on fire and needed relief. “Just get on with it, Lloyd. Please!”

“Fine fine.” Lloyd begins to thrust that finger inside of her, once twice, three times before adding a second, and locating her clitoris, which he presses his tongue against, causing the other scientist to moan softly. “K-Keep doing that” she murmurs under her breath.

“Hmm...your taste is..hm. Interesting. It’s not bad it’s just..” another lick. “Strange. And a bit salty.”

“Stop—mm! talking!” Cécile says, her eyes feeling heavy and fluttering shut as her head tilts back against the pillows as Lloyd thrusts his deft fingers inside of her while swirling his tongue around her sensitive button. With all of this stimulation, it wasn’t surprising that her first orgasm quickly approached her and she fell over the edge with a loud gasp of pleasure, panting slightly.

Lloyd looks up from his ministrations and pouts. “Aw. Did you finish already? I was just getting started. Oh well. Guess that means it’s time for the main event, huh?”

He sits up and removes his pants, underwear and all, revealing a very hard, decent sized shaft. Unashamed of his nakedness, Lloyd hops over to the messenger bag he had brought, finding a condom wrapper and tearing it open and placing it on his shaft.

Cécile watches him while he does this, still trying to catch her breath after her orgasm. He was a virgin, so he probably wasn’t going to last very long, but given the fact that he was 30 years old and not a teenager anymore counted in his favor.

Lloyd climbs back on top of Cécile, pulling her into another passionate kiss just to get her blood boiling again, rubbing the tip of his cock against her entrance, thrusting inside of her sharply, causing both of them to gasp. Cécile tangles her legs with his as Lloyd begins to move in and out of her. Their breathing is heavy and the movements of their bodies results in the bed rocking and creaking back and forth in time with their movements.

Their coupling was surprisingly intimate as the Earl was too winded to offer much more than a few gasps and moans, making the entire ordeal much more erotic rather than the clinical nightmare Cécile was dreading. In fact..she wouldn’t mind this becoming a regular thing. The only problem was that outside of obligation, Lloyd had no interest in sex whatsoever and the obvious: he was engaged.

Cécile didn’t have feelings for Lloyd, rather she would definitely admit to having affection for the eccentric young man who just really liked building giant robots and pudding. Maybe that counted as feelings.

Lloyd’s thrusts begin to speed up and the bed creaks louder paired with the sound of their bare skin slapping together and their shared gasps and moans. He was definitely close. Cécile holds on to the Earl’s waist as they chase their orgasm together, her body arching into his as they both reach their high almost simultaneously.

As they come down from their high, Cécile pulls Lloyd into a gentle lip lock, which he reciprocated, surprisingly. It was gentle and intimate and as they pull away, they both smile, pressing their foreheads together, his glasses almost falling into her face.

As they lay there, arms wrapped around each other, Lloyd finally breaks the comfortable silence. “...So what are your thoughts? I am expecting a report after all.”

Cécile rolls her eyes and laughs. “I’ll give it to you in writing later. For now just...don’t talk. Alright?”

“Alright.”

#code geass #lloyd asplund #cécile croomy #fanfiction

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stricken-with-clairvoyancy · 5 years

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Prinxiety fic recs

Hey everyone, I know isolation is difficult, and a good majority of the fandom use fics as an escape mechanism, so hopefully some people can get a kick out of some of these. As my blog title suggests, I mostly just consume prinxiety content, so this list is for any prinxiety stans out there. Feel free to add on with your own fics or recs, regardless of ship! All fics are completed unless stated otherwise, to avoid giving anyone WIPlash. :)

First up, literally anything by the Queen of Prinxiety (and stunning writing in general) @coconut-cluster. Hers was one of the first blogs who’s writing I got really invested in, and her writing is like the equivalent of snuggling into a warm blanket in the sunshine. It’s good stuff y’all. Writing masterlist If you’re overwhelmed by how many incredible stories she’s written though, I gotchu fam, here are some of my favourites to get you started: Sciamachy, My dreams made music in the night, Snowball fight

Powerless by @impatentpending . One of the best stories I’ve ever had the pleasure of reading, better than most published literature I daresay. Seriously it’s just,,, so good!!! If you haven’t read it yet I highly recommend you do. You’ve got morally grey villains, you’ve got wit, you’ve got a hoverbike named Brendon Urie. It’s an all round good time, except when, you know, it’s angsty.

The To Love And Be Loved series by @virgilsjourney It’s so soft!!! So light and sweet and comforting!!! You’ve got hurt/comfort (heavy on the comfort) with a large helping of mutual pining, and it’s the perfect fic if you need a pick-me-up after a long day.

Butterflies by @creativenostalgiastuff . I live for techie Virgil and this fic does not disappoint. Incredibly cute, Roman gets the validation he deserves, 10/10.

My true love gave to me by @lovelylogans Honestly my favourite oneshot of all time, I giggle the whole way through when reading this. The sheer magnitude of their mutual pining,,, incredible. Genuinely this fic is so wonderful and funny and lighthearted and sweet and hhhhhhhhhh. Looking at her masterlist I’ve also come to realise that she’s written a lot of my favourites, so I’ll just link that here! :)

Wet blanket , Life of the party and Social grace by @tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors. A tad angsty, but so worth the read, and they more than make up for any potential hurt with the gratuitous fluff. Hella soft, superb writing. On another note, if you haven’t already, you should absolutely read their jaw-droppingly amazing series Love and other fairytales. Romantic lamp and a heck tonne of cool worldbuilding, gripping plot and fae galore, prepare to become thoroughly invested.

A dragon’s tail by @theeternalspace . This one had me on the edge of my seat you guys, it’s so gripping you’ll wanna stay up all night reading it. You’ve got prince!Virgil, you’ve got knight!Roman, you’ve got Dragon!Logan. Need I say more?

The most adorable Parents!Prinxiety headcanons you ever did read, by the incredible @thelowlysatsuma , with a tooth-rottingly sweet fic to go with it by @watchoutforthefanfics . You WILL get cavities and you WILL sob at the soft domesticity of it all.

@shakesqueer-writes is lowkey a Prinxiety GOD so I’m just gonna link you to their whole entire masterlist of masterpieces.

The phenomenal It’s only logical by @tinysidestrashcaptain . This one is incomplete, but it’s honestly so perfectly written that it’s going on here anyway. I can only dream of achieving Virgil’s level of sass in this fic, an absolute icon. It’s a flower shop au AND a coffee shop au babyyy.

I can only assume from the remarkable quality of the writing that Keep him safe by @whatwashernameagain gets recommended a lot, as it RIGHTLY DESERVES. This fic is also incomplete, but so worth waiting for, each new chapter is a sucker punch of emotions and the character development is second to none. I’d definitely heed the trigger warnings on this one though, it does handle (very well and realistically) some darker themes. There’s also a raccoon named Cat and I love her.

A get-together and getting together by @hickory-dickory-doc-k Fake! dating! Fake! Dating! Fake! Dating! Fak- Ok but for real though guys this one is so gosh darn cute I dropped everything on Christmas day to rush upstairs and read it when the last chapter came out and I was grinning so much lemme tell you. I’ve read a lot of fake dating aus in my time and this one honestly takes the cake.

(I’d never) want once from the cherry tree written by @ace-corvid with gorgeous art to go with it by @blank-ace . YouTuber au!!! Virgil gets to be the chaotic conspiracy guy we know he secretly longs to be, and Roman gets the adoring fanbase he deserves. The humour is also on point. I mean, Deceit’s name in Virgil’s contacts is Snake fursona man, and honestly if that doesn’t sell it, I don’t know what will.

Of trying and towers by @parsnipit . An oldie but a classic, this story is phenomenal. It’s got action! It’s got magical curses! It’s got so many dragons! It’s got highkey terrified but also kinda badass Virgil! It’s so good you guys, the plot and the family bonding and hhhhhhh dragons are so cool.

Destined by @rosesisupposes . Oooooh this one has such a fun premise. Virgil’s a sage (kind of like a seer) and is just kinda vibing with the humans until sh*t goes down, ft sass, flirting, pun-based bakeries, and a coffee machine named Gilda. It’s great. I love it.

Long live by @meginoi . It’s!!! Essentially a really cool princess diaries au!!! How rad is that? Virgil is pretty much permanently stressed, but Pat and Lo are supportive bros and he ;) has ;) Roman ;) there ;) to ;) help.

Falling (falling) by @basically-i-write-shit . Don’t let their url fool you this fic is honestly so gripping, I stayed up way into morning bingeing it. Be warned though, it does handle some pretty dark topics, so heed the trigger warnings. ft. single dad Virgil and babysitter Roman!

Inks and tallies by @skittlesun . Tattoo 👏 artist 👏 Roman 👏 Frick 👏 Yeah 👏 Also by the same author, the amazing fic The betting pool is an absolute delight. Flirting galore. Go read it pls.

Late night, long night by @crowleyspraisekink . Virgil’s in a tank top and Roman is Gay Panic tm. Adorable, superb, 10/10.

A curse is a dream your heart makes by @romansleftshoulderpad This oneshot is a long boi but my god you will enjoy every single second of it. Roman gets cursed by the Dragon witch to act out classic Disney movies with Virgil, and it’s honestly so entrancing. Phenomenal writing.

Queen of fluff @not-so-innocent-bi-sander has so much adorable fics that I’m gonna link their whole masterlist because you deserve to treat yourself to their writing, and I’m also gonna add some quick links to my faves here because I love them: The reunion, Romance in the air…port, Guitar lessons. The first fic of theirs I read is the series The view from here, and it was so heartwarmingly sweet that it helped distract me from some pretty bad cramps, so I highly recommend you go check that out if you need a cute pick me up. It’s incomplete, but it’s mostly fluff and ongoing, so you won’t be left on any cliffhangers.

Thespian by @random-snippets is a heart-wrenchingly sweet hurt/comfort fic that I wholeheartedly recommend. Roman puts on a play in the imagination but neglects to tell Virgil that his character straight up dies at the end, and Virgil is understandably distraught. It’s ok though, Virgil gets love and hugs! Also just check out their masterlist because their writing is absolutely sensational, especially their pining!Virgil LAMP fics.

Through different eyes by @stars-and-rose . Roman’s a warlock who’s been ‘kidnapping’ Patton in an endearing attempt to get the handsome knight’s ;) attention. Super cute and a fun read, honestly it’s adorable.

@today-only-happens-once is another phenomenal writer who’s masterlist I’m also gonna link because they’re all! So! Good!!! Here’s some of my faves: Exposure therapy ft Ace!Roman, Acoustic, Always

A hero’s rescue by @stillebesat . Villain!Roman and Hero!Virgil ft a healthy dose of hurt/comfort and a a really cool premise. I go back and re-read this one a lot!

Welcome to the neighbourhood by @lefaystrent is incomplete, but it’s so goddamn hysterical that it’s going on here anyway. Their comedic genius is astounding. Some more of my favourites of theirs include: Roamin’ nights, Flutter and fall, Rewrite

Blink and you’ll miss it and waterspout by @greenninjagal-blog are both lovely reads which I highly recommend. Seriously guys their writing is amazing, go check them out.

Sweet dreams and Petals red as blood by @candied-peach are both gorgeously written and I absolutely adore them, 10/10.

#fic recs #go hog wild y'all #was this a painfully transparent way for me to compile all my faves in one place for ease of re-reading?#yeah and what of it #i can have a little self indulgence #as a treat :)#seriously though guys all of these authors are crazy talented go show them your love #and this post is a free-for-all so add anything you want #i've likely forgotten some people and if you're one of those people i'm so sorry i'll probably update this as more of them come back to me #ily all stay well #sanders sides #ts sides #romantic prinxiety #shout out to my tags which i can't :) get :) to :) work #Prinxiety

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fics-not-tragedies · 4 years

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Reckless Serenade [4]

It’s been 84 years... but a new chapter is up! It’s still @cyberpvnkss‘ request and I hope it was worth the wait 👀

Words: 1876; Warnings: angst & smut; Summary: After you spotted a picture of your father Santino tries to explain what kind of relationship they had and what kind of ‘business’ they got involved into.

Readers tag list:

@oreofenyloetyloamina; @derangedcupcake; @geostarr; @catsmieow; @wickedlangdon; @bodhi-black; @bugalouie; @onebatch--twobatch; @fandom-lover-4; @mikaneonox; @spadesandaces2342; @harrisongslimited; @hhighkey; @i-cant-remember-my-old-login; @sgt-morgan; @coloursunlimited; @childrenofthegun; @weminiaturestrawberry; @silverlambcaptain; @scarletmoon83; @krazycags01; @charlottebonnie; @moonlit-raven-haven; @girl-at-the-verge; @boopdedoop; @jardani-jovonovich-bitch; @ladyreapermc; @wifeofdarklordsworld; @mysticfluffyness; @zombiepandajfish; @kollover24; @greenmanalishi; @persephonehemingway; @lovelycarose; @jinchanyeolstolemysoul; @penwieldingdreamer; @iworshipkeanureeves; @lovelycarose; @rdjloverxxx; @allanawinchester; @marytvirgin;

“You… you knew my father?” The words echoed in your brain and you gripped the edge of the table, afraid you’ll fall down in any moment. Your head was spinning, your heart was pounding and all you wanted now was some sort of explanation, the mood for steamy sex was long gone now.

When Santino remained silent you turned around and walked closer to him, almost shoving the picture into his face while pointing to your father, “You knew him?!”

He just sighed, his hand grabbing the picture frame and setting it aside on the bedside table, “Yes, bella, I knew your father” Santino spoke calmly, “we were… business partners, flew together on a various trips. He was one of my closest friends, the one from quite few I could trust, I was devastated when I heard that he died” he sucked in a sharp breath, his hands coming down to your arms, soft fingers squeezing them gently, “I couldn’t attend his funeral because of… let’s call it logistical issues.”

“Did you know I was his daughter when we started talking at your club?” You were shaking, your voice was too loud and it seemed like you couldn’t control it now, the words were coming out of your mouth without the presence of your consciousness.

“No, bella, I had no idea… The last time I saw you… you were just a little child. But now I see that this child grew into a beautiful woman.”

“You only saying that because I’m standing right in front of you fucking naked.”

“You’re not naked, yet. Bella your panties are still on your body and I wish they weren’t…” his hands slid down your arms and onto your sides, but you pushed them away and took few steps back looking up at his face with eyes full of tears.

His eyes are locked with yours and you become aware of how desperate he is in his tryings to play it all cool. Like the sight of you standing right in front of him hasn’t even bothered him.

But he’s not trying enough.

“I know how much you loved him and how much he loved you…” and you noticed the little crack in his voice when his gaze stumbled across your figure again, his hungry eyes trying to figure out what you’re thinking, “Every time we were out on a business trip he was talking about you… about his little principessa that he had to leave at home. You were his first thought in the morning and his last in the evening. He couldn’t shut up about you… I’m sorry for your loss, bella, I’ve lost many people in the past, yet I don’t know how it is to lose someone you truly loved.”

Those tiny wrinkles around his eyes when he squinted them not believing that the woman who he was kissing just few moments before was the child that crawled into his lap demanding sweets many years ago.

“Don’t you ever loved someone, Santino? Doesn’t your father loves you? You’re lucky, you still have him.”

“No…” he breathed, sitting on the edge of his bed, “My father loves me, because I’m his son, it’s not the same kind of love your father had for you… Honestly I-... cazzo… I wish my father was dead, I could finally run everything the way I want to, not the way ‘it should be’. Rules are the enemy of the progress, bella. Your father was thinking the same, that way he got killed.”

“Wait… what? Everyone was saying that it was a road accident! What are you saying…” You took a deep breath still trembling, your chest became heavy, it felt like your whole body was about to collapse in few seconds.

“The closed coffin… hanno dovuto chiuderlo, your father was murdered bella, the bullet was still in his head when they buried him.”

“How do you know this? How do you know all of the details? We were told that he was in a car accident, a drunken driver pushed his car out of the lane and he hit a tree, that’s why he was dead, not because he was murdered! How can someone who works in a company that sells computer parts get murdered?”

“Your father told you we were in a IT industry? Stronzetto in gamba… we’re not selling computer parts, bella, that’s all I can tell you. I already said too much, I don’t want you to be in danger.”

“You’re putting me in danger when you’re not telling me everything…” Santino laughed at your words slowly standing up.

You look into his eyes only to see that they were watery and slightly red just like your own were.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t come here. I’m such an idiot. I really shouldn’t-...” he cut you off by pressing his lips to yours.

Stunned by his gesture you want to escape from his embrace at first. The warmth of his body, his hands on your back, smell of his cologne mixed with his sweat, how his lips taste like tobacco and old whisky, the way he kisses you like a long lost lover… all of those tiny bits blended together made you melt.

His arms wrapped around you as you stepped closer to him, pressed your body up tightly against his and kissed you determinedly, his hand cupping the side of your face to make sure you weren’t going anywhere.

He’d ignited a spark in you now and you wanted more, letting your hand run down his chest, clutching his shirt to keep him close, biting down teasingly on his bottom lip, giggling when he let out a soft whimper, only pressed up closer to you, his lips parting and you slipped your tongue past them to move it slowly with his, it didn’t take much to for him to give up his dominance.

“The perfume you’re wearing…” he breathed against your mouth, “It was a gift from me… every time we flew to Italy, me and your father, I bought them for you… because bella, you only deserve the best in your life.”

His hand moved up your side slowly, palming your breast, groaning into the kiss when you tugged on his hair again, leaning your body up into the touch of his hand but he pressed up closer against you, the wall digging into your back and you whined softly when his hips began grinding into yours and you could feel the hardness restrained by his tight suit pants, pulsing too close to where that need had started forming between your legs.

You drew back from the kiss, panting and dragging his head back slightly with his hair twirled around your fingers, making him whimper as his eyes fluttered open and he looked back at you with something else in his eyes that you hadn’t seen before, less was it confidence than need, lust…

“Mmm, do you like this?” You whispered, pushing your hips forward now to grind against him.

Santino nodded eagerly, pressing his forehead against yours and keeping you backed up against the bedroom wall while his hand was slipping beneath your dress, making you whimper when he nudged your legs apart, your knees growing weak instantly when he felt your wet folds through the fabric of your underwear, fingertips brushing up against the damp material and you pushed your hips forward again, trying to lean forward to capture his lips in a kiss but he held you just the way he wanted, forehead against forehead so he could watch your face as he pushed your underwear aside and you moaned loudly when his fingers came in direct contact with your skin, trying to buck into his touch again.

“Is this what you wanted?” He asked, and you wondered where the confidence had come from, how he’d switched from being so reserved, trying so hard to hold himself back, torturing himself to this, having snapped out of it and taking complete control of you now.

You gripped onto his shoulder, trying to steady yourself when his thumb came in contact with your clit, just brushing up once, just into the right spot that made you cry out, “P-Please…”

“Oh, bella... I know” he coaxed, feeling how your fingers were digging into his back, “I know you like that.”

“S-Santino...” You moaned feeling the heat consume your body, the waves of pleasure washing all over your body. He slid his two fingers inside you and another moan escaped your lips.

“I like the way you moan my name, principessa…” he purred into your ear, curling his fingers inside you. Cursing loudly you gripped his wrist and started to fuck yourself on his long fingers.

You ran your fingers through his hair, gently tugging at it, making him moan softly into your mouth, sending shivers up your spine and tingles down between your legs. Slipping your hands into the sleeves of his jacket you made him shrug it off, leaning closer to you as you began to unbutton his silky black vest.

“Those are gonna be dirty…” you mumbled against his lips when he dropped his vest down on the ground with his jacket.

“You’re dirty, bella” he chuckled, biting your bottom lip playfully, “Fucking yourself on my fingers like that… only naughty girls do it…”

“Fuck…” you whispered.

He chuckled with satisfaction, beginning to pick up a slow pace with his fingers while his kisses trailed down your neck, stopping here and there over the delicate your collarbone before he pushed your bra down to press soft kisses to your breasts, twirling one of your nipples between his fingers while his lips sucked lightly on the other, his fingers buried inside you all the while, making you a moaning mess underneath him, “Does this feel good?” He asked, lifting his head lightly to look up at you.

You nodded eagerly, your eyes tightly shut as you threw your head back, “S-So good … fuck…” your hand flew to the back of his head, your fingers twirling his soft locks around them as your sucked in another breath, humming when his thumb pressed down on you, adding to the pleasure, “Don’t … don’t stop…” you whispered, lightly tugging on his hair.

“Forse volete qualcosa di più grande, bella… ho davvero voglia di scoparti…” Santino rasped into your ear, his mother tongue making your knees become even weaker and you were glad that his other arm was carefully wrapped around your middle, pushing your body against him.

“I have no fucking idea what you just said, but I’ll agree to anything if you keep talking to me in Italian” you mumbled, letting him guide you towards his large bed, before you both sank down onto the soft mattress.

“I’ve said that I really want to fuck you, bella… may I do it?” He asked politely, his fingers pumping faster in and out of you.

“Y-yes… p-please Santi… p-please fuck me” you purred.

“Who’s the kitten now?” He asked playfully removing his hand from between your thighs. You were about to protest when he moved down on the bed, his lips kissing down your belly, “Before I fuck you, bella, I have to make sure you’re bagnata a dovere.”

#Reckless Serenade #reckless serenade [4]#santino d'antonio fanfiction #santino d'antonio fanfic #santino d'antonio fic #santino d'antonio series #santino d'antonio parted fic #fanfiction #fanfic #fic #parted series #parted fic #santino/reader #santino x reader #santino d'antonio/reader #santino d'antonio x reader #rs:parted_fic

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p-and-p-admin · 4 years

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Interview given to The Severus Snape and Hermione Granger Shipping Fan Group.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/199718373383293/

Hello Lariope and welcome to Behind the Quill, it is a pleasure to talk with you.

Many of our group’s members requested you as an interview subject, but amongst more than a dozen stories in the HP universe you are probably best known for Killing Time, Second Life, and Advanced Contemporary Potion Making.

Okay, let’s jump right in. What's the story behind your pen name?

So, there's a really common plant in my area called Monkey Grass. Most people use it as landscaping filler. I thought it was pretty and asked someone who had some what it was called. She told me that it's technical name is Liriope, which I heard as Lariope. This was around the time that book 6 was released, and it struck me as a very witchy name, particularly as JKR likes flower names. Which Harry Potter character do you identify with the most? Wow. Probably Neville. I'm certainly not as brainy or as confident as Hermione, not as out-there as Luna, not as athletic as Ginny. I'm less angsty than Harry and less apt to charge off in my own direction. And I am certainly not as thoughtless as Ron, not as strict as McGonagall, not as dark as Snape. And if you've read Second Life, you know my feelings about Dumbledore! But I was someone who took some time to come into my own. Often bumbling or nervous, but when my back is to the wall, brave and honorable. So I'm going with Neville. Do you have a favourite genre to read? (not in fic, just in general)

I love fiction, but honestly, other than Harry Potter, I don't read fantasy! I tend to like "domestic" fiction, as in Anne Tyler, and literary fiction. I also really love Stephen King, oddly enough. Do you have a favourite "classic" novel?

By classic do you mean like, the literary canon, or just not fanfiction? My top five favorite novels are, in no particular order, The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger, It by Stephen King, The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay by Michael Chabon, The Temple of Gold by William Goldman, and The Secret History by Donna Tartt. I'm not big into the classics, which is weird for an English major to say. At what age did you start writing?

I've been writing all my life. The first time I saw Stand by Me at 11 years old, I rewrote it with a new ending because I could not bear the death of Chris Chambers. I think I've always been interested in working with other people's texts. How did you get into writing fanfiction?

I loved Harry Potter so intensely. I came to it as an adult at a particularly lonely time in my life. When book 6 was released I read it all in one gulp, and then felt kind of despondent when it was over. I thought of the good old rule of the internet, that if it exists, there is porn of it, so I went looking for what I called "Potterotica," figuring that it would give me an opportunity to read more about the characters I loved. I didn't yet have a concept of fanfiction, let alone fanfiction that wasn't erotica! As I read, I had the persistent feeling that I hadn't yet found exactly the story I was looking for. I kept feeling that I would do this or that differently. Then after the release of book 7, I was tormented by the fate of Snape. I really felt I needed to save him. That I couldn't relax until he'd had some love in his life before his death. I didn't have the sense yet that I could change his fate, only that I needed him to have happiness and love before he died. I have a Master's Degree in fiction writing, so I decided to just give it a try. My first story was terrible!!! It was called If Memory Serves and was archived only on the Restricted Section. But it definitely forced me to reawaken some skills, and whetted my appetite. What's the best theme you've ever come across in a fic? Is it a theme represented in your own works?

Hm. I'm not sure how to answer this question. I know that one of the things that I respond most strongly to in fic is a feeling of inevitability--that regardless of how or when, these characters had unfinished business with each other. I hate to use the word destined... but that feeling that there were many points in canon where something minor could have changed which would have changed everything and brought two characters together--and that that could have happened at any point, in any number of ways. I like very much when canon is reimagined or reinterpreted to make that relationship deeper--like reimagining the scene where Snape insults Hermione's teeth to have a totally different meaning in the context of their relationship. I think I am remembering Somigliana's The Traveller being particularly gratifying in that way. Obviously I play with canon a lot in my own work. I like for fanfiction to feel "real" as in, possible in a canonical context. What fandoms are you involved in other than Harry Potter?

Almost none! I've been fannish all my life, but Harry Potter was the first experience I ever had of "fandoms," that is to say, community built around a narrative. I usually just freaked out over things in private. After HP, I tried very hard to get into the Sherlock fandom, because I had a dear friend from the SS/HG community who was into it, but in the end, I could just never become invested in quite the way I had with Harry Potter. Subsequently, I had children, so I mostly support their fannishness now. If you could make one change to canon, what would it be? Do you have a favourite piece of fanon?

I wish Snape could live. I really do. He had a lot left to learn and a lot left to give to the world beyond the sacrifice of his own life to the cause. There are certain things I have ultimately accepted as head canon, as far as pieces of fanon are concerned. Honestly, they are so ingrained that I'm having trouble thinking of any! Sometimes when I watch the movies with my kids, I think, but wait, what about?... oh yeah, I forgot that wasn't canon. Do you listen to music when you write or do you prefer quiet?

I need dead silence to compose, because I hear the words in my head as I write and I can't be distracted from them. But I often pick pieces of music that I listen to obsessively in my downtime when I'm writing a story, that I think of as sort of like theme songs. Falling Slowly by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova was one for Second Life. Table for Glasses by Jimmy Eat World still calls up Dark Santiago for me. What are your favourite fanfictions of all time?

Oooh. Ok. So I read a lot of Drarry, and I pretty much love everything that Sara's Girl has ever written. Somigliana's work--the Traveller was amazing. All the Best and Brightest Creatures by Wordstrings (Sherlock). I also really loved greywash's Sherlock fic. There was an SSHG that has been long since removed that was called Dear January--I still think of it. I loved all the epics of my particular time in the SSHG fandom. Mia Madwyn, Subversa, Loten. Are you a plotter or a pantser? How does that affect your writing process?

Definitely a plotter. I kept pages and pages of working notes and planning points as I was writing Second Life. I always began a chapter with a working document of where I thought the chapter was going, as well as a reread of that portion of canon. Points of discovery along the way still happened all the time--I'd be in the midst of something I had planned when all of a sudden I'd see some point of connection I hadn't even thought of, and something would open up bigger than I had thought it would be. I remember in particular the end of the Bathilda Bagshot chapter of Second Life, when Snape is running toward James and Lily's house and feeling like time is doubling back on itself--I didn't see that parallel until I was in it. I think you always have to have room to surprise yourself, even in the thick of your planning. That sense of discovery affects the reader's journey through your work. What is your writing genre of choice?

Haha, fanfiction is my writing genre of choice. No, I wrote short stories when I was pursuing my degree in fiction, which is kind of hilarious now, as I became sort of known for my long-windedness. Why say 100 words when 10,000 would do? I grew to love the novel during my time in fanfiction. It would be hard to imagine turning back to a shorter form now. But who knows. I always tell myself that once the children are grown I will get back to writing. I was beginning a sort of cross between fantasy and domestic fiction when I had children and I still think the idea has legs. Which of your stories are you most proud of? Why?

Oh, different ones for different reasons. I think Dark Santiago is the most structurally tight and sound thing I've ever done. Second Life is like a miracle that it even happened, that I was able to control such a behemoth and bring it home. I was terrified the whole way. And weirdly, there's a drabble series that is called The Sins of Severus Snape that I am still really proud of. I think of those like linked poems. A real exercise in being concise for someone who likes to sprawl all over the page. Did it unfold as you imagined it or did you find the unexpected cropped up as you wrote? What did you learn from writing it?

I think I've pretty much covered those questions in all my ramblings. I knew the general structure, I was happily surprised along the way, and I learned to write novels from writing fanfiction, Second Life in particular. How personal is the story to you, and do you think that made it harder or easier to write?

There's not a lot of personal parts of the story to me in Second Life. I mean, every character is drawn from me, in a way, just because they come into being informed with my way of looking at and understanding the world and other people. But there isn't a lot in there that echoes my experience. Advanced Contemporary Potion Making was personal, and I think you can feel that in the story. It takes the biggest step away from canon. It wasn't hard to write, but it was hard to live. And now, as I look back, I have a different perspective on my life and on the story itself than I did at the time that I wrote it. What books or authors have influenced you? How do you think that shows in your writing?

Oh man, Stephen King is all over my writing. I don't think I've ever written a sex scene that didn't have a grain of that scene in the sewers of It inside it. Not because of the child thing--I know that skeeves people out about that scene--but because in it, Beverly discovers the power of sex--sex as a force, a life-giving force, something with teeth. I think that idea shows up a lot in Second Life. I like fiction in which you are very much inside the character's heads, and I think that's apparent in my writing. I think I got that initially from Stephen King, who leaps around inside his different character's heads sometimes in the same paragraph! I also think the theme of unending loyalty, the power of friendship, the triumph of good over evil--those are very Kingian themes that I recognized in Potter and then carried into my own writing. Do people in your everyday life know you write fanfiction?

Yes. That wasn't always the case. During the time that I was active in the fandom, I was a young elementary school teacher, and I dreaded anyone finding out that I wrote sex scenes with children's book characters. I was very private about my fanfic then, and even a few of my closest real life people did not know. My parents still do not know. My children are teenagers now and into fanfiction in their own right; they know I wrote it, but they don't know my ship or my pen name. My husband has read most of Second Life. I recently started a new job, and during one of those "get to know you" games, I was asked to share something that other people wouldn't guess about me. I said that I had once been a fanfiction writer. How true for you is the notion of "writing for yourself"?

Mmm. I wrote the stories I wanted to read. Do you know what I mean? I wrote things because that's how I wanted to see them, how I wished they were, and I wrote to my own preferences. But writing in real time, for people who were actually reading and responding--that was crucial to the process. My biggest fear during the writing of Second Life was that I wouldn't finish it, or that I would lose control of it and it would become crap. "Breaking the story," I used to say, and I was terrified of breaking the story. But the fact that there were people experiencing it with me and waiting for it, reacting to it, and giving insightful feedback--that helped keep me very focused and motivated. I never wrote something because I thought it would be appealing to others, but I was so gratified that what I wrote did appeal to others. How important is it for you to interact with your audience? How do you engage with them? Just at the point of publishing? Through social media?

I had a LiveJournal and although I was not a frequent poster, I read my friends list every day during that time. I read what everyone else was reading and talked about the stories and themes that everyone else was talking about. I made a number very close friends during that time--other authors, people who were reading my stories and commenting. We talked on the phone frequently, and I had a team of beta readers. I went to conventions. I participated in the ss/hg exchange. A lot of those people were my audience, were reading my stories. And many of them became my good friends. I had a policy to answer all reviews when I was writing Second Life, and I did that until I was unable to do it anymore. When I had multiple stories it got much harder. That community changed a lot toward the end of my time in it. People were leaving LiveJournal, and Tumblr was on the rise, which felt like a much bigger pond. AO3 was replacing the smaller archives on which I had really grown as a writer. And once the movies were over and there was no more "fresh canon," people started to drift away. I do think that I might have lasted longer if that tight knit community had stayed in place. It played a big role in my commitment to my work and continued enthusiasm. As a side note, one of the friends I made in the SS/HG community is still my best friend. She is the "aunt" to my children, and we still talk on the phone weekly and visit at least yearly. What is the best advice you've received about writing?

If you want to write, then write. Make a routine. Write a certain number of words a day. Read them out loud to yourself. You'll hear your own bad habits and improve them.

What do you do when you hit writer's block?

If I'm already in a project, I will force myself to write a certain number of words per day. I will hold a scene that I'm longing to write out in front of myself like a carrot. Like, if you write this transition part that feels yucky and like you are stuck in it, then you can write the big reunion scene that you know is coming. If I'm not in a project... well, then I don't get through it. I just don't start a new project. If I need to write a story, as I did during graduate school or during the ss/hg exchange--I would do this thing one of my professors suggested--pick three headlines, words or ideas that have interested you over time and force them into the same story. Dark Santiago was that way. I had the prompt of fortune telling. I added an idea about the way magic works for muggleborns and the ocean town where I was living. Voila: Dark Santiago. Has anything in real life trickled down into your writing?

I'm sure it has in ways I can't even see. I remember once talking to a friend on the phone about Second Life as I was writing it, and she pointed out that the fact that I'm a Quaker was informing the story--like my own perspective on war and the horrors of violence were bleeding into the the kind of philosophy of Second Life. Do you have any stories in the works? Can you give us a teaser?

I don't. I wish I did! I often miss my time in fandom, the spirit of creativity and community, all those ideas just bubbling out in every direction. Any words of encouragement to other writers?

I don't believe that the end goal of fanfiction is to become a published writer, just as I don't think every guitarist has to have the goal of selling out a stadium, or every golfer has to want to compete in the Masters. I think you can love a thing without making it your livelihood. You become a "real" author the minute someone else reads a story that you wrote. Many of you reading this right now are people who made me an author. It is, as Stephen King once wrote, a kind of telepathy. I thought of something once, in 2008, in the southeast of the US, and you can read it right now wherever you are, and experience the thoughts and feelings I was dreaming up then. It's a wonderful gift, writing. And working among people who are dedicated to improving their craft and talking about stories and ideas--that is just the very best ground for making something that makes YOU proud. Thanks so much for giving us your time.

Thank you! I am really honored to be asked

#fanfiction #fanfic #ss/hg #snamione #writing

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woeismyhoe · 6 years

Text

Azula’s behavior as a child

There’s so much misunderstanding about Azula’s behavior as a child. Often they’re exaggerated to the point that a simple making fun of a sibling will turn into ‘emotional abuse’. This post will go into every action that Azula has ever done that majority of the fandom deems apparently monstrous, and will explain why it’s actually illogical to call her a monster and an abuser for it. These points that I will counter are usually used by the majority that I’ve encountered on Tumblr/Instagram/YouTube/Reddit, in case some of you are doubtful that such arguments even exist.

1. Azula asking about the throne’s line of succession

People refer to Azula’s question here as cruel and monstrous because she was essentially wishing for Iroh’s death, but that’s not true. She was asking IF Ozai would be next in line to throne if Iroh were to fall in battle, and that’s actually comepletely normal for a child.

She wasn’t wishing for Iroh’s death. She was just asking out of curiosity if her father would be Fire Lord next. It was an insensitive question I admit, but children normally are insensitive. Every one of us have thought or maybe even asked about someone’s death whether as a child or as an adult. Just because it’s not a family member’s death that you thought of doesn’t mean you’re excused from being called insensitive or as the fandom generally calls it, a ‘monster’.

Here’s an example: Have you ever thought of who would be next in line to the throne if Queen Elizabeth II were to pass?

If you have wondered about this question or something similar to it, does this mean you want the Queen to die? No. You’re just curious about who will succeed her.

Or how about a more realistic thought that involves your family: Why hasn’t your father/mother gotten lung cancer even if they’ve been smoking for decades?

We’re taught in school that smoking cigarettes causes lung cancer, yet why hasn’t that person gotten that yet? Does that mean we want them to die? No. We just want to know WHY it’s that way even though they should’ve had it by now.

Questions regarding someone’s eventual death whom we personally know is actually normal, but not accepted and generally frowned upon in society. Children usually ask these questions and they’re forgiven because they have yet to understand how society works yet.

Point is, curiosity makes us ask questions. Children ask a lot of questions, especially when they’re curious about a lot of things. Azula was curious, and that’s why she asked. She didn’t realize it was actually insensitive until Zuko used their father as an example. Yes, Azula was perceptive and intelligent even as a child, but smart children are also known to be way more curious than other children. Also, Azula wouldn’t be asking this question if she actually knew the answer to it.

If Iroh were to fall in battle, it wouldn’t be Ozai who would be next in line but actually Lu Ten (who was still alive at that moment). The fact that she did not mention Lu Ten at all during this only means that she wasn’t completely aware about the line of succession. Ursa failed to answer her daughter’s question properly and to address this to which I have no idea why. It was either the Fire Nation was under Agnatic seniority... but that can’t be it since Azula was going to become Fire Lord and Zuko’s daughter, Izumi, has also become Fire Lord in the future or that Azula was simply not aware of the line of succession since she was just a kid after all.

2. Azula’s indifference to Lu Ten’s death.

We don’t know much or basically anything at all about Lu Ten, his personality or his relationships with the rest of his family but one thing’s for sure is that Azula wasn’t exactly indifferent towards his death. Before the letter of Lu Ten’s death had arrived, Azula and Zuko were chasing each other and laughing, enjoying themselves (sigh such a precious scene). Then Ursa reads the letter, Zuko approaches her out of concern and he’s shocked by the news of his cousin’s death.

Now look at Azula behind him. What is she doing? She’s holding her hands in front of her. I’ve read up about body language, trying to understand what Azula’s was saying and this was what I found. This is a position called ‘The Fig Leaf’. People generally clasp their hands in front of them when they feel vulnerable, uncomfortable at that moment and this position can normally be seen in funerals as well.

Azula was uncomfortable by the news of her cousin’s death. This can be seen from her body language. Now think, if Azula was cruel and didn’t care for anyone’s life, then don’t you think that she would’ve made a really rude and insensitive remark at that moment? If the creators wanted to portray her that negatively, she would have, but she didn’t.

Now when she critizes Iroh for abandoning the siege, it makes sense. From Azula’s perspective, Iroh’s action was an act of someone weak. He was Fire Nation’s greatest asset, a renowned General who’s taken thousands of lives, yet when his son dies, its somehow only then that he realizes that his killings actually have an effect on families. What? That was also what the families of those fallen soldiers were thinking when they had suddenly retreated. There’s also that possibility that Azula could’ve thought that Iroh was dishonoring Lu Ten by abandoning the siege. Iroh retreating from Ba Sing Se would’ve just meant that Lu Ten died for nothing. And that’s true. As a leader, you’re expected to put everyone else before you, no matter what happens. Iroh didn’t do that.

“A real general would stay and burn Ba Sing Se to the ground, not come home crying.”

- Again, true. Yes it was a tragedy that his only son had fallen in battle, but Iroh still had a duty to fulfill which was to lead his nation to victory. He abandoned that duty of his instead. If anything his son’s death should’ve made Iroh want to avenge his son’s death. It wasn’t as if he fought again after his son’s death and he retreated because they were losing, no. They were actually winning. He just retreated. Think about those soldiers who had fallen in battle. They went to war, knowing that they would die. They had accepted that fate because they knew they were giving their service to their nation. Their families knew that as well. But Iroh’s sudden retreat had only meant that those soldiers had died in vain.

“He (Iroh) didn’t take the Earthbenders’ defenses and their resolve seriously enough, and it cost him dearly.”

- Azula, Tale of Azula

Azula wasn’t taking pleasure in Lu Ten’s death or making fun of it. She even admitted that Lu Ten’s death was a great loss. No, she was just criticizing Iroh for abandoning his duties.

3. Azula’s mistreatment of animals/plants

Her abuse of the turtle ducks

I’ve addressed the turtle duck scene in another post but long story short— we’ve never actually seen or even heard from Zuko that Azula had directly thrown the bread at the ducks. His reaction towards mimicking Azula even contradicts the assumption that Azula actually harmed those ducks.

Mistreatment of flowers

Ok honestly, I find it ridiculous and just really desperate that people use this as one of their reasons to prove that Azula was cruel and a monster. Burning flowers, really? She was a firebender, a kid who was bored and being neglected by her mother who was happily chatting away with her son. What else could she have done to get Ursa’s attention? Take into consideration that Azula genuinely didn’t know why it was bad to burn those flowers, and Ursa didn’t help her understand this. Children don’t naturally just appreciate beauty. They learn to appreciate beauty. Ursa didn’t even try to get her daughter to understand that.

4. Azula’s abuse of her brother and friends

Let’s first discuss what abuse is. It’s when a person does something SEVERE to intentionally harm someone repeatedly, especially even though they’ve already been told not to.

I did some research and asked people I know who have siblings about their relationship with their older siblings. All of them said that they had made fun of each other, said hurtful things to one another when they were younger, ages typically from 2-10 and it would always lead to petty arguments and fights that would eventually needed to be settled by their parents.

What Azula and Zuko had was like every other ordinary petty sibling squabble. Azula would play pranks on her brother, Zuko would refuse to play with his sister of his own accord and apparently they’d even get into physical fights where Zuko would usually be the physical aggressor (as apparently he would even try to kick her). You could say lighting his bum on fire for ratting her out to their mom was severe, but you can also argue that they were both firebenders, which would mean that it wouldn’t have actually harmed Zuko that much. That move was like a shove for ordinary kids.

Her treatment of Ty Lee

Even as a child, Azula was competitive. This could be seen when she and Ty Lee were practicing some stunts and she failed to be better than Ty Lee at something. All children are petty, and so Azula’s response to this was to shove her and laugh. Children have this mentality of ‘You made me feel bad so I’m going to make you feel bad too!’ -which is what Azula did. It’s completely normal for children to respond like that whenever they’re upset. It’s either they say something hurtful, or they push that child, and then the other child would start to cry. That’s usually when an adult steps in to reprimand the child and explain to them why they shouldn’t do that. In this case, Ty Lee didn’t seem to mind it. After all, it was just fun and games for them.

Her treatment of Mai

So in Smoke and Shadow it was revealed that they used to have sleepovers together. There was particularly this one time when they had a sleepover at Mai’s and apparently Azula had made her steal her grandmother’s mochi and then ate it while the other two looked uncomfortable (probably because they knew they were going to get in trouble). Child Azula was like that one friend who was a bad influence, but we’d still be friends with them because they were fun to be with. In their case they were friends with Azula because she was the princess. Being associated with the royal family would’ve definitely had some benefits for their families.

Azula was the princess. She literally could’ve asked for anything and she would’ve been presented with it. We don’t know if this was before or after Ursa’s banishment but if it was after, then no one would’ve corrected Azula’s thinking of ‘I want this so I’ll take it’ as a child.

Mai had said that Azula made her steal that mochi as a child, but how? How exactly did Azula make her steal something that her own mother told them not to touch? Mai could’ve said, no, yet she did it anyway. By blackmail? That’s a possibility, but we’d never even seen her blackmailing even in the present timeline. Azula said that she had merely suggested stealing it, but Mai was the one who insisted on following through so this is what I think actually happened.

Azula suggested stealing the mochi. Mai said no in fear of getting in trouble, so Azula just said that she’ll take the blame if they get in trouble (she was the princess after all, what could’ve Mai’s mother and Mai herself done if the Princess wanted it?) Mai followed along until she chickened out at the last minute. Azula called her out for it so Mai insisted on following through to prove her wrong. But then Mai felt guilty after that and Ty Lee was nervous about getting in trouble so Azula was the only one eating it at the end.

Is it fair to call her a monster or abusive for that? No.

Was it bad and wrong? Yes.

Her treatment of Zuko

This is the part where I truly believe Zuko extremists take things way out of proportion (this and in the present when she usually makes fun of him). What was her intention behind telling him about this? To warn him. Azula herself had told him that it was for his own good. If Azula did want her brother to be out of the way, then she wouldn’t have come all the way to his room just to mock him about it. She wouldn’t have told Ursa this either. She would’ve just kept it to herself. If Azula was cruel, she wouldn’t have told anyone.

The only reason why she was behaving that way was because she didn’t know how to feel about it. Would her father really kill his own son? Was he actually really going to do it? She was a 9 yr old kid who loved her father. She wouldn’t have wanted to believe that he was capable of such murder, but she didn’t want to risk it either- and so she tried to play if off as joke, while still making sure that Zuko would be aware of what she’d heard.

Also I’ve seen people call her a monster or crazy just from Zuko’s mantra ‘Azula always lies’.

Do I really have to explain why it’s illogical to call a 9 yr old a monster for lying...? Studies have shown that children usually lie between the ages of 2-10. Lying typically peaks between the ages of 6-10. So Azula lying at that age? Perfectly normal.

Azula was mean as a child, but she was never a monster, or even abusive. Future Azula though, that’s a different discussion for another day.

All I can say is this. It’s fine to call Azula an abuser in the present timeline. That’s your opinion and it actually makes sense too since she showed some of the signs. (Although it’s still questionable since we didn’t actually see it as a repetitive occurrence and how severe it was to be called abuse and the fact that Azula didn’t actually show the other signs of an abuser... if anything, Ozai is the literal prime example of an abuser, and the only thing Azula and Ozai actually shared was their manipulation and use of fear against people except Ozai wasn’t remorseful about that at all. Also I realized after reading up articles about abuse that Zuko in early Book 3 hit most of the signs when it comes to abusive partners which is why I find Azula being considered abusive, questionable because in this fandom, the term abusive doesn’t apply to Zuko but mostly on Mai instead...?)

However, it is NOT fine to call a child a monster or to call them abusive.

#atla #avatar the last airbender #azula #zuko #mai #ty lee #iroh #lu ten #meta post #analysis #she was just a child #ik azula’s just a character #but i’m concerned that people who call her actions when she was a child #abusive may even do the same to children in real life #when they do face something similar to this #also can someone tell me when it’s appropriate to put a ‘read more’ on a post? lol

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empressarisu · 8 years

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A lot of people have been posting their fic recs lately, so i'm curious. what's YOUR top 10 yoi fics? ;)

Oh… my god.. /sweats nervously/ okay.. so I just have to sift through the hundreds of fics I’ve read and pick just 10 of them??? hahah..hahaha.. easy enough.. (it wasn’t) :””””) i spent more than an hour trying to decide on these anon, how could u make me do this…. jk jk ilu but this was so hard :((

My top 10 Yuri on Ice fanfics (and why) as of 3/17/17:(in no particular order)

On My Love by RikoJasmine || @min-min-minnie

For the second time, the Sochi Grand Prix Finals arrive, and with it a reborn Yuuri Katsuki. “Viktor,” Yuuri thinks over the pounding of his heart, the crowd going silent as the music begins. “I’ll show the world what you meant to me.”

Yuuri often thinks of his life as Before and After Viktor Nikiforov, the marking point being the day Viktor swept into his life and turned his world upside-down. After many years together, an accident leads to Yuuri suddenly waking up in the Before—back in Detroit, before the GPF, before he ever knew Viktor as anything other than his childhood idol.

As if it had all been just a dream.

Ngl, this is my absolute fave fic. I’m a sucker for time travel AUs and the writing is just so?? beautiful?? There’s so much angst, but so much fluff as well. (Gods know I almost died from the latest update, it was just so cute) So, if you’re apprehensive in reading this because of the heavy angst, let me just tell you right now that it gets better and it’s worth it.

katsuki_fc wrote by tetsurashian

Just because Yuuri isn’t big on social media, doesn’t mean his fans aren’t.

(aka a social media fic)

Yuri on Ice + social media? Count me the fuck in. It made me nostalgic for my LJ days from back then too. Ah good times.. It’s basically reliving all the feels and emotions we had when watching yoi. :”) I reread this from time to time because I just never get tired of it!

all the world’s a stage by braveten || @actualyuuri

Everyone has a guilty pleasure.

For Yuuri, it just happens to be romance movies starring famous heartthrob Victor Nikiforov.

(And, honestly, on the spectrum of guilty pleasures, he figures that his is on the far, far more innocent side.)

Yo… if you haven’t read this fic yet then you’re missing out on life, fam. Lol jkjk but really, this fic is perfection! The story has great flow, on-point characterizations and amazing writing with the right amount of fluff, angst, and smut!

Until My Feet Bleed and My Heart Aches by Reiya || @kazliin

‘…Of all the rivalries in the world of sports over the years, perhaps none has become so legendary as that of Russian figure skater Viktor Nikiforov and his rival, Japanese Yuuri Katsuki…’

A single event changes the course of Yuuri’s life, throwing him into a bitter rivalry with Viktor Nikiforov that spans across his entire skating career. But as the years go on, rivalry and hatred begin to develop into something very different and Yuuri doesn’t seem to be able to stay away, no matter how hard he tries.

Hatred and love are two sides of the same coin and even though everything changes, some things are still meant to be.

I’m pretty sure almost everyone and their cats and dogs and hamsters have already read this fic?? I have never cried so much as I did while I was reading this, and even now, weeks after it ended, I’m still shook and blown away by it. I’m both ready and not ready for the companion fic coming out this March 26. (Mark your calendars, folks!)

You Can’t Plan for Everything by RivDeV || @contentwhatcontent

Yuuri forgets that he has a scheduled heat coming up until it’s just a couple weeks away. He scrambles to get everything ready in time, including deciding whether he’ll spend it alone or with someone. Victor only wants to help.

AKA. The slowest of the slowest burn in the history of fanfics ever, but the burn is so good. I know that people have mixed feelings about omegaverse, but I firmly believe that people should at least try and read this one. It’s very well written, and also different from most ABO fics I’ve read. It throws most of the ABO tropes/cliches out the window.

Kings in Couture by slightlied || @forovnix

a devil wears prada au in which victor is the editor-in-chief of a fashion magazine, yuuri’s his new secretary, and instead of talking about his feelings, victor just sends him on a bunch of errands—“Okay, okay. Ready.” Yuuri starts scribbling as the voice on the other end, someone from the Style and Trends department, relays instructions. “Sorry, can you please spell ‘Gabbana’?”

The person on the line promptly hangs up on him.

Awkwardly, he sets the phone back on the receiver. “Guess not.”

Devil Wears Prada AU. ‘Nuff said. Okay so this is just like 2 chapters right now, but I’m already in love with it and everyone should read it?? Just.. fashion. Katsuki Yuuri and the Jeans™. Read it and you’ll know what I mean. Just do. It has ruined me for life and /deep breaths/… Katsuki Yuuri and the Jeans™

Ink on Ice by Daughter of Vayu (aquaregia) || @aquaregiastuff

Because a mangaka and figure skater just didn’t mix together. Or so people thought until they saw Katsuki Yuuri and Viktor Nikiforov.

AHHHHHHHH, this fic is so good! It just makes my belief true that whatever career Viktor and Yuuri end up in, they’ll always, always end up finding each other and fall in love. They’re just so pure I can’t even-

Like a Fairytale by lucycamui || @lucycamui

In which Prince Victor gets swept off his feet at a royal banquet and will go to any length to find his ‘Cinderella’ Yuuri.(And Phichit is the fairy godmother who has no idea what he’s doing).

“The crown prince of the Nikiforov kingdom, infatuated with a mystery pastry chef he’s only just met. This is exactly the kind of scandalous love story my life has been missing… So, what’s he look like? What exactly is Prince Victor’s type?”

“…Sweet.”

“Well, he does make pastries.“

Fluff. Fluff. And oh, have I mentioned the fluff? No? Then… Oh my god the fluff. This is where I run to when the angst gets too much in other fics, tbh. It’s so cute and heartwarming and sweet and perfect and hilarious, and just generally amazing. My heart is bursting with rainbows and fluff.

On ICE!!! by Watermelonsmellinfellon || @helly-watermelonsmellinfellon

The first time Katsuki Yuuri saw Victor Nikiforov perform, he realized he had a great desire to see figure skating in a video game. In fifteen years, his dream is realized. Little does he know that Victor’s attention has been caught by the very game he unknowingly inspired. So ensues the cutest meeting ever and the relationship that follows.

I believe every fandom should have a Video Game AU. :”) Alright so, this is another fic that’s just bursting with fluffiness?? It’s so cute and I’d really sell my soul to get a copy of that video game Yuuri made. I want it so, so bad ugh.. (Oh btw, this author has a lot of great yoi fanfics ya’ll should check it out)

centripetal force by braveten || @actualyuuri

Victor speaks seven languages.

(Physics isn’t one of them.)

Luckily, though, he ends up rooming with his antithesis: a shy, black-haired boy who just so happens to be a physics major.

Is it obvious by now that I’m actual trash for Maddie’s fics. Anyway, this fic is honestly #goals. Oh wait.. Every fic of hers is #goals tbh. Plot, characterization, dialogue, everything. I honestly have no words other than: Amazing, fantastic, beautiful, and wonderful. (Go and read all her fics, yo)

I missed many other wonderful fics, but for now, these 10 are the ones that left a huge impact on me. :”) I’d like to take this moment to thank these wonderful authors for all their hard work in making these amazing fics! Thanks for sharing these gems to us!

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noonetosmilefor · 7 years

Text

Random questions

So, I got asked by @hopedreamssoul to answer all 150 questions. Thank you, darling. ❤️

1. Do you bite or lick ice cream? - Lick.

2. What is home to you? - Home to me can be a person, a place, a city, somewhere, where I feel alive, can be myself and happiest.

3. What was the last lie you told? - I told myself the lie that I’m going to bed earlier today. (And now I’m sitting here answering these questions.)

4. Does everyone deserve the truth? - Yes.

5. What is the creepiest toy ever made? - When I was a child I really hated these ‘trolls’. They freaked me out.

6. Describe a moment in which you did something unacceptable in a bad situation. - I told a friend to go to a shop near our town because they have cool new toys for dogs. I forgot that her dog died almost a month ago.

7. List two things that are more easily done than said. (No, I didn't mix them up.) - For me personally: Falling asleep and cleaning. (Idk, man.)

8. When was the last time you worked really hard to achieve something? - I can’t remember.

9. How many all nighters have you pulled? - About 10 or so.

10. If humans didn't evolve to laugh or smile, how would we express our happiness instead? - In hugs.

11. How many romantic "things" or "flings" have you had? - 3.

12. What is your paradise? - My personal paradise is when I can do what I want, be myself and with people I love to death.

13. What is your favorite background noise? (Ex. Water dripping, people talking.) - Rain.

14. How many hearts do you think you have broken? - I don’t know, I hope I’ve never broken anyones heart.

15. What is the most important thing about electronics? What does this say about you? - That people can communicate with each other, even though they’re miles apart. That say’s that I have a lot of friends who life far away from me.

16. Why do people care about celebrities? Do you care about celebrities? - I think it’s because it makes them happy to ‘care’ about someone else. If it gives them hope/motivation/happiness etc., why shouldn’t they care about them. I can’t say I ‘care’ about celebrities. It doesn’t affect me if a certain celebrity does something wrong or something like that. I really like a lot of celebrities and the way they’re. I like their music/acting skills and so on.

17. What is the most annoying thing someone can do to you? - Sitting beside me and chewing on their fingernails or eat noisily constantly.

18. Do you overexaggerate? What are the pros and cons of this? - Sometimes, depends on the situation. But I can’t think of any pros or cons, because it just happens sometimes.

19. Have you played any instruments before? Which instruments? - Yes, the transverse flute.

20. Do you like taking selfies? Why or why not? - Sometimes. It depends on my mood and look.

21. List 3 things you like about yourself? - My hair, my eyes and my honesty.

22. What is the best advice someone has ever given you? - “Travel the world, go on adventures without fear. Learn to get to know the unknown and do what you love.”

23. Do you have what it takes to raise a child? Why or why not? - I don’t think so. I don’t like children that much and I can get very moody and want to be alone a lot of time.

24. How do you cheer yourself up after a bad day? - Listening to my favorite band while laying in bed.

25. When was the last time you felt awkward? - Today.

26. Are you introverted or extroverted? Or a mixture of both? - A mixture of both. It always depends on the situation.

27. What constitutes a good friend? - Honesty, loyalty, the same humor, a good listener, someone who can put their phone away while being with me.

28. Would you rather have a lot of friends to hang out with or just one best friend? - One best friend.

29. In a regular day, what do you not want to hear? - That someone is pissed.

30. What is your dream job? - Something I love doing, that makes me happy. I want a job where I can be independent.

31. Is it better to be lazy but smart or hardworking but unintelligent? - Lazy but smart.

32. What is a truth about yourself that others find hard to believe? - That I’m crying a lot when I’m on my own.

33. What have you always wondered about the other gender? - Why do they have to be so stubborn all the fucking time?

34. Which fantasy world would you like to visit the most? - The Harry Potter world.

35. Describe the worst friend you have ever befriended. - She’s not a friend of mine anymore. She treated me like shit after she got together with her current boyfriend because he told her, that I’m not worth her friendship.

36. Imagine that you have switched bodies with someone you don't know. You can't switch back. What do you do? - I would want to find myself and find a way with that other person how to work this shit out.

37. If you found the recipe for immortality, would you sell it or would you burn it? - I would burn it.

38. What is the most important, applicable class you have ever taken? - Uh, I don’t know?

39. Name the last book you read. - “Achtnacht” by Sebastian Fitzek.

40. Imagine that you are unable to express emotion. How would this affect your world? - In a bad way of course. It would never be the same with friends again.

41. When was the last time you made the first move? - A week ago.

42. What is your opinion on electronic music such as dubstep or trap? - I personally don’t like it and wouldn’t say that this is ‘music’.

43. What was the last movie you watched? - Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.

44. Do you like and appreciate your life? - Currently not really.

45. Do you like and appreciate yourself? - No.

46. When was the last time you cried? - Today.

47. What are you scared of? - Since my childhood, I was scared of the No-Face, don’t know why. It’s getting better, but I can’t watch the movie ‘Spirited Away’.

48. What is the most embarrassing, cringe-worthy thing you have ever done? - A lot of cringe-worthy things happen to me every day. But I’m not embarrassed easily.

49. What are some of your hobbies? - Listening to music, reading, going to the cinema with friends, attending concerts, traveling.

50. What is a superficial yet annoying mistake you constantly make? - I’m sometimes really sloppy.

51. Are you a good friend? What makes you a good friend? If not, what makes you a bad friend? - I think so. I’m a good listener and try to be as honest as possible. Also I want to make my friend’s days better.

52. Do you honestly learn from your mistakes? - No.

53. What have you learned the hard way? - That I can’t have everything and do everything I want to.

54. What is the most important thing to have in order to attain happiness? - Motivation.

55. Which medium do you use for expressing your artistic emotions? (Singing, writing, etc.) - Photography.

56. Are you a creative or a logical thinker? - Creative.

57. What is the smartest thing you have ever done? - I completed school successfully.

58. What is your ideal meal? - Italian pasta with sea food. Would die for that right now.

59. What is the worst thing someone could do on a date? - Not being honest.

60. Do you like animals? Which kind is your favorite? - YES. All kinds of animals.

61. If you could turn one legal thing illegal, what would it be? - Guns.

62. Do you have any guilty pleasures? - I sometimes really enjoy listening to trashy songs.

63. What is the best thing that the internet has ever created? - Fandoms.

64. Do you like playing video games? Which video games? - Not really.

65. What is your opinion on beauty in today's society? - Beauty is a good way for everyone to express how they feel. It doesn’t matter what you look like, the beauty lies within yourself. I think it’s great that big girls/boys also get recognized nowadays. Because they’re as beautiful as thin girls/boys.

66. Are you a morning person? When do you usually wake up? - Not at all. If I go to work I have to get up at 6 AM. If not, usually at 10 AM.

67. Do you have a favorite Disney movie? Character? - Yes. The Lion King. I love Nala.

68. Would you rather live in the city or in the countryside? - City.

69. Would you rather live near the ocean or in the mountains? - Near the ocean.

70. What are the best things about winter? - The snow, the cold storms and the silence that lies within a snowy day.

71. What scares you most about the future? - That I don’t know what might happen.

72. What makes you feel old? - Seeing tv shows I used to watch as a kid/teen.

73. How many hours do you spend on the computer or phone on average? - Uff, I think about 10 hours.

74. What are some of your New Year's resolutions? - Don’t have any.

75. What is your life story in 6 words? - Full of traveling and lovely friends.

76. Describe yourself in one word. - Ambitious.

77. What bad habits do you do? - I often command people.

78. What genre of music do you listen to? - I love love looove pop-punk.

79. Most prominent childhood memory? - The divorce of my mom and dad.

80. Imagine if you had an older brother. If you already have one, what is it like? If you don't, how would this change your life? - I think we’d do a lot more dangerous stuff and he would be over protective.

81. Spirit animal? - Sherlock Holmes.

82. Do you believe in horoscopes? - Yeah, kinda.

83. What is the worst advice you've ever been given? - “Be yourself.”

84. List the 3 most important people in your life right now. - My two best friends Iris and Marci and @hopedreamssoul. ❤️

85. Favorite memory of your family. - The chilled Sundays in our house.

86. What do you look for in a relationship? - Honesty, openness, loyalty, a bright smile, a kind heart, a good listener and someone adventurous.

87. Do you have a role model? Why or why not? - No, I don’t think so. I’m just who I am, I don’t need a role model.

88. What is your opinion on social media? - I like it. But it can ruin a lot too. I see people barely talking to each other when they’re out with friends because they constantly stare at their phones. I HATE that.

89. Are you a pessimist or an optimist? - Pessimist.

90. List some things that you think are overpriced? - Shoes, clothes, make-up, hygiene products.

91. What is your worst memory or creepiest experience? - The day my second mother (still don’t like the word ‘stepmom’) died. Basically the year 2012.

92. What superpower would ruin the world? - Immortality.

93. What is something you swore you would never do when you grew up, but you did anyway? - Drinking alcohol.

94. What lessons have you learned from movies and which movies were they? - That not everything’s what it seems and you have to work hard in order to achieve the things you want. Surround yourself with the right people, the ones you can trust. The Lord Of The Rings and Harry Potter movies, basically.

95. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? - Currently, I’m in a ‘far-away’ mood. So New Zealand, maybe.

96. How do you approach people? - With a poker-face.

97. What is your opinion on first impressions? - The first impression isn’t what it is. You can’t judge a book by it’s cover. Or a book you’ve only read 5 pages in.

98. What are some things you did as a child that you no longer do? - I went outside a lot, dancing, playing the transverse flute.

99. What languages can you speak? - German, English, Spanish, a bit Italian.

100. What do you think society will be like in 30 years? - Mind-controlled over social media/phones/computers.

101. What do you do on your lazy days? - Laying in bed, reading.

102. What ended your last relationship? - Disagreements.

103. Favorite food? - I love the potato salat from my grandma.

104. What is the most terrifying dream you've ever had? - That my mom and I were trapped inside a cage of lions and the only way she could help me out is that she stays in the cage forever. I dreamed that dream every night when I was a child.

105. When was the last time you got seriously angry? - Yesterday.

106. What was the last friendship you broke? - With one of my former best friends/ex-boyfriend.

107. Do you have any pet peeves? - People with bad table manners, noisy eaters, animal cruelty, homophobic people.

108. Who was the last person you gave a hug to? - My sister’s best friend.

109. When was the last time you got seriously stressed? - Last Thursday.

110. What part of your personality do you want to change? - My mood changes.

111. Who is the most positively influential person in your life right now? - My dad.

112. What is your biggest motivation? - Watching other people succeed.

113. What did you want to be when you were little? - I wanted to be a veterinarian.

114. What are some things that you are good at? - Playing instruments, listening to other people, being funny and I’m also very spontaneous.

115. What is one thing you want to be good at? - Singing.

116. What distracts you the most, especially when you're trying to work? - My phone.

117. How important is privacy to you? - Very important.

118. If you could create one social norm, what would it be? - Being nice to everyone when you meet them, no matter what color/gender/sexuality or how the person looks.

119. What's the craziest lie you've ever told? - I don’t know. I’m not the person who’s telling crazy or big lies.

120. What story do you like to tell about yourself at parties? - I don’t attend parties that often, and if so, I wouldn’t be someone to tell a story about myself.

121. What is the lamest thing that you have seen someone do? - I don’t know.

122. What is the stupidest thing you've done to impress someone? - I smiled the whole time, even though I wasn’t really in the mood of smiling.

123. What is your morning routine? - Getting out of bed really slowly, going to the bath, getting dressed and run out of the house because I’m late again.

124. What's the last thing you did that is worth remembering? - I helped someone out who couldn’t help themselves.

125. If karma was coming back to you, would it help or hurt you? - Help.

126. What is your opinion on playing "hard to get?" - I don’t know anything about it, so.

127. What are the pros and cons of straightforward? - Pros: You can really be honest with everyone, they know you won’t lie to them; Cons: You may hurt some peoples feelings and may loose friends.

128. What do you consider "leading" someone on? - Showing someone the direction of life, idk.

129. Are you the friendzoner or the friendzoned? - Both.

130. What do you admire most about your friends? - Their smiles and honesty.

131. What do you admire most about your family? - They are all open-minded.

132. What is your opinion on "going with the flow?" - I personally am not going with the flow. But if it bring’s you joy, go for it.

133. Do you enjoy talking or listening? - Both.

134. When is it time to end a friendship? - When you have the feeling it’s not worth it anymore. When you’re distant and not interested in what the person is saying anymore.

135. What is the worst excuse you've ever come up with? - That I’m not feeling well. (I always use that excuse.)

136. If GPA didn't matter, what courses would you have taken? - GPA doesn’t matter where I live.

137. What are your favorite baby names? - Nick and Merry.

138. When was the last time you had a deep conversation with someone? - In February in Berlin with @hopedreamssoul.

139. What instantly ruins a conversation? - When a person is constantly interrupting someone.

140. Biggest turn ons and turn on offs.- Turn ons: Contagious smile, honesty. Cons: Disrespect and racist people.

141. Biggest disappointment. - Myself.

142. Do you have any self-restraint? - Not really.

143. When did you last do something outside of your comfort zone? - When I was in Lisbon with my family.

144. Prized possession(s)? - My books.

145. What is your opinion on second chances? - It depends on what the person did to you. I uneasily forgive people.

146. Text or call? - Text.

147. What do you like about the 21st century? - I can’t think of one single thing, well.

148. What advice would you give to yourself 5 years ago? - GO TO SCHOOL, YOU FUCK!

149. How organized are you? - Really organized.

150. Favorite mode of transportation. - By train.

#personal #personal tag #asks

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rachello344 · 8 years

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Meme for Shippers: 2, 7, 13, 17, 19, 26, and 32!

2. Talk about three of the most important ships throughout your life.Oh Jesus, that’s a tall order. I can only choose three? And they have to be the most important? Um, well... Okay, the first gay ship I had was probably either Puzzle/shipping or Son/adow (I know, I know, piece of shit furry, etc. I was like 12). I don’t even want to think about all the similarities between them because I love myself, but these were the two gay ships that started it all. (I was also, at this point, a multishipper, so I also liked shad0w and r0uge, s0nic and amy, etc.) No, actually, I do want to list the similarities: Two halves of a whole, similar but not the same, light and dark, hero and anti-hero... (Shit, I think that describes Kai/Shin too, doesn’t it. Godddddd damn it.)Outside of those, I actually didn’t ship much that wasn’t straight until... well, Kirk/Sp0ck came first, followed by Kai/Shin. Until then, most of the things I shipped were canon or straight (and tragically not canon). So, until I was about 15, I didn’t really “ship” in a larger sense of the word. And really, both of my K/S ships (lol) were the first where I really exhaustively read fic. I still remember one Kai/Shin fic I read on the bus back from Flagstaff. I’m positive the author must have been from Arizona, because like, the science center was the SAME, but I never got a reply to my comment. I still wonder about that sometimes. I don’t even think I could find that fic if I tried.Okay, I think I’ve answered the question? I don’t really know what this was looking for orz

7. How do you feel about RPF?Hm, well, I can’t say I’ve never read it. It’s alright, but it isn’t really my thing, all said. To each their own, I guess. Honestly, as long as people aren’t like... giving them to the people depicted, I don’t really have an issue with it.

13. Has a ship ever broken your heart?Yes? I mean, like, shit Kisshi/go (HE DIED FOR HER AND SHE STILL CHOSE THAT FSKJDLAAL) and Zu/tara (sooo well matched and balanced and GOOD I CRY) alone destroyed me. (I WAS ROBBED T W I C E TWO STRAIGHT PAIRS WERE TAKEN FROM ME FOR THE STANDARD ROMANCE. I’M STILL UPSET) But more seriously, recently, Hanni/graham has been excessive with the canon material for breaking my heart. (And Jack and his wife made me CRY) but mostly, it’s a fic by fic basis more than canon.

17. Talk about a pairing you’ve stopped shipping romantically.Um, I don’t know if I ever really have? I mean, I go in and out, but like... Once I ship something, I’m kind of stuck with it, honestly. What can I say? I’m loyal to a fault, haha.

19. Have you ever shipped something despite yourself?Pfft, lol, no. That would imply some level of guilt or something when I ship things. I don’t do the guilty pleasure thing. Sometimes I wish I could, but like. God, Chroll/o and Kura/pika were on screen together for like five minutes and I was like “shit I like this.” (Villain x Good Guy is like, my jam. I ship most princesses/heroines with the evil overlord. *shrugs* It’s an aesthetic at this point, tbh.)

26. Have you noticed a pattern in your shipping? Is there a romantic dynamic you’re more drawn to?I ship the same thing every time, I swear. So, princess/villain is a big one, especially when the princess is as powerful or as ruthless as the villain. (Zel/da is almost always the one who kills Ganon/dorf. Lin/k is merely a tool to that end, regardless of her affection for him.) Also, narrative foils. God, I could weep for narrative foils. This would be Zu/tara, puppy/shipping, kai/shin, kirk/sp0ck(/mccoy), son/adow, zel/gan, baku/deku, etc. etc. If you look through the art I reblog, you’ll notice the trend pretty fast, I think.

32. Share five must-read fics.Oh, dear. From what fandoms??? Just in general?? That doesn’t seem fair... 8( For you, anon, I will try.

So Wise We Grow by Deastar--I have read this fic at least four times. It’s long and a delicious slow burn. Spock adopts T’Pring’s son, and he and Kirk raise him together and fall in love. It’s amazing and I love it. I could read it again right now.

Seeking His Hand by @mgcmind--The Lawlight regency AU we DESERVE. Every time this updates I drop everything to read it. Slow burn and occasionally agonizing, a single hand touch once made me gasp. (And when they kissed I thought I might faint.) And oh boy, do not get me started on those letters! Honestly I can hardly come up with the words, but if you’re looking for a regency AU with a murder subplot, this is definitely the fic for you. ;D

The Seduction of Kid and The Seduction of Kudou by White Mage Koori--I can’t in good conscience separate these. They’re a pair, after all. I’ve read these several times as well, tbh. I love the build, and I’m always impressed by people who can actually connect those drabble challenges into a connected fic, like hot damn.

To Be Added after work...

I have to leave, but I do want to get this posted. I’ll add two more fic after work. (Luckily, that’ll give me time to think it over haha;;; This is really hard orz)

Thanks for the ask, anon!!!

#Anonymous #Rachel Answers

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leviismybitch · 8 years

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I’ve been lazy with these things bc life but I decided to put my effort into them again because I miss being active on tumblr. So, hey, what’s up? Also hey this is hella late :’D

I was tagged by @mongoose-bite. Thank you cruncharoo :3

Always post the rules. Answer the questions asked, then write 11 new ones. Tag 11 people to answer your questions, as well as the person who tagged you.

1. You can (safely) visit another planet in our solar system. Which one and why?

Uhm, I... don’t know which one I’d visit tbh. A planet that can sustain human life? Maybe take a couple of friends with me and we could chill there to get away from bullshit? That’s a nice thought :’D

2. What are you looking forward to?

Well, currently? The weekly updates of Yuri on Ice because it’s kind of become my grounding. It’s got me hyped. Also I’m looking forward to ... some kpop stuff XD one of my favourite groups is promoting right now so they’re on a lot of variety shows and they have a lot of performances which are great to watch.

3. What do you dance to when no one is watching?

Upbeat, hard bass, body-rolling type of music. I usually dance in the mirror or around the apartment when no one is home. ... I just really hope none of my neighbours decided to window watch bc my dancing is anything but graceful haha :D If you want specific songs rn? Mostly kpop songs, Also Uptown Funk bc ofc. Uhhh also ABBA songs sometimes... and the PotC soundtrack :’D

4. What’s something about where you live that only a local would know?

Hrm. Idk I guess that we have a festival of culture (kind of, it’s actually hard to explain what it is) every year where people can go to artist corners and japanese workshops and i remember there being a kendo lesson one time and there’s also mini concerts and food stalls and ye it’s nice.

5. How’s that thing you’re working on going?

UHHHHHHHH y dis? ;o; it’s going very slowly and painfully. The WIP I’m currently working on doesn’t seem to be going anywhere but I’m trying to push on. I’ll make it work. It’s been ages since I’ve posted anything and it’s making me feel restless so I need to somehow break this endless circle of non-productivity :’D wish me luck haha

6. Have you ever had a food that you ate some much of you put yourself off it forever?

YES. Potatoes. I honestly do not like potatoes all too much because when I was a kid my grandpa liked to overfeed me with them so I just never really got over that. Now I occasionally eat mashed potatoes and very very rarely fries (from mcdonalds where they basically don’t even taste like potatoes but more like salt >.>) but not any other kind of potatoes. I just don’t like them at all. Rice is the bae for me.

7. What’s on your bedroom walls?

My guitar and four photo frames: a picture of smol me, a drawing I drew of Elsa, a grafitti painting I bought one time at the seaside of a horse in the moonlight (it’s very pretty), and a painting I did myself of my grandparents’ last puppy and kitty (I miss them). That’s basically it. Used to be posters, but, :’D

8. What do you wish had a fandom (or a bigger fandom)?

Huh, I dunno, I used to wish fandoms for anime I had just finished watching, but at the moment I feel like I’m mostly covered. So, yeah, currently nothing, but that’s liable to change :’D

9. What fictional organisation would you most want to work for?

To be honest, the only organisation I’d be willing to work in is any post-voldemort Wizarding organisation. Like, idk, maybe somewhere in the Ministry of Magic, or maybe at Hogwarts? If you can even count that as an organization? Dunno. But yes. I’d love to be able to do magic and work in a field for it!

10. Favourite pasta dish?

Spaghetti Bolognese :’D It’s a guilty pleasure.

11. What’s a trope guaranteed to make you love a character?

I’m trash for the most weird things tbh? And it doesn’t even make sense? Like, sometimes I love the asshole character(tm) but sometimes I don’t want to see a character like that at all. Sometimes I love the sunshine chars, sometimes I want that heavily tattooed char with a heart of gold, sometimes I want to see that grumpy char, etc. Idk. I just like well-written flawed-yet-still-lovable chars for the most part. IDK. I have weird preferences.

QUESTIONS:

1. What do you do when you can’t sleep?

2. What show/anime/movie/book etc. made you finally fall into the deep hole that is fandom?

3. What makes you hyped up and get things done?

4. What are some of your favourite singers/bands/groups?

5. What is your current show/anime/book etc. (choose one or many) that you’re watching/reading?

6. If you could give a hug to someone fictional, who would it be and why?

7. What is your favourite junk food/dessert?

8. What is your favourite thing of the town you live in?

9. That one song you always jam to?

10. Do you have that one trope you just can’t stop reading? If yes, which one is it?

11. If you were given a chance to master one language in a day, which one would it be and why?

I tag: @perksofbeingawaifu @erenbaegerr @monsoondownpour @pureren @raindrop-rouge @sugarplum-senpai @bfketh @ryukoishida @onewhositswiththeturtles @titanteeth @xenophonspeaks and anyone else that wants to do it ^^

#i'm so late #sorry QQ #meme thing #here it is finally lmao

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missandrogyny · 8 years

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Annual Writing Self-Evaluation 2016

so!! @alivingfire tagged me in this thing!! originally i wasn’t planning to do it but i figured that eh i should so i at least have something to refer back to next year yay

1. List of works published this year:

if i had the chance, the things i would do to you

that lace shirt

somethin’ bout you

blind from this sweet, sweet craving

to kill the mess we’ve made

day 3: tossed salad

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

i think i’m most proud of somethin’ bout you?? like, when i got the prompt for the spring exchange i was so excited, but also kind of nervous because it was such a huge idea and i’d never written an idea that huge before. i tend to stick to plots that are fluffier, simpler, and less…plotty, so to speak, so having the spring exchange prompt and spinning it the way i wanted to (with the kidnapping and the d/s, etc.) was daunting. there are definitely still parts that i would want to change in it, parts i would rewrite if i had the chance, parts where you can tell that i just got so sick of my own work, and i still want to give it a sequel, but yeah. to me that feels like a child i sent in to a spelling bee and although he didn’t really win any awards, he was still good enough to be in the spelling bee.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

probably my work for the 30 days of smut. i just…didn’t really know what i was working with. like, i didn’t know what the authors before me were doing, and i was way too shy to actually message them and ask and discuss plot, so i just sat on it until a week before it was supposed to be submitted and thought ‘fuck it, i’m just gonna do whatever’. also it was written in past tense, which i completely forgot how to do rip so i spent a lot of time just…reading it and trying to make sense of the tenses and crying over words

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

i’m always, always going to be proud of this paragraph. i don’t really know what came over me at the time of writing, but when i finished i just had this and i just…loved it so much.

(Later, Louis wakes up to find Harry sound asleep beside him. It’s dusk, and the soft light of the afternoon makes him look unreal, almost ethereal. He looks like a star, or perhaps some shooting thing—a meteor, or a comet, maybe. Louis watches as he breathes, as his chest rises and falls, watches the way the light seems to bend to him, making him look like the most beautiful thing to ever exist.

And Louis wants to save this moment, wants to keep him like this forever, naked and asleep in bed, but he knows better—he knows that Harry is a star, and you cannot keep stars like this to yourself. He knows that stars don’t belong here, don’t belong in dusty bedrooms beside boys with sticky fingers. He knows that stars belong in the sky and boys belong on the ground, and even a boy with the stickiest fingers will never be able to keep a star down.

So he gets dressed—slowly, quietly. Harry doesn’t stir at all, too lost in his dreams, and that’s good, because that makes saying goodbye that much easier. A sleeping Harry won’t draw him in with sea foam green eyes and cherry-red lips. A sleeping Harry won’t entice him to stay.

He takes a mental picture, embeds it into his brain, makes sure he has something to remember this by. Then he presses a feather-light kiss onto Harry’s hair, before he’s making his way out the door, closing it gently.

He doesn’t lock the door behind him anymore.)

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

whew. i get so many nice reviews on my fics, because people are too nice to me and too kind and they give me more credit than i deserve, honestly. some of my favorite ones are the long ones, the ones that ramble on about the parts that they liked. i also like the ones when people said they stayed up to read it because they couldn’t put it down–it’s so, so flattering, because there are a bunch of fics i stayed up for, and i know the feeling, and people having that feeling over my fics are just ❤️ 😫 (although y’all should…really sleep skjdhfkjads sleep is important)

oh!!! also, i absolutely love it when i get reviews from other writers!! like for example dolce has left a review on…two of my fics and i have each review screenshotted and saved on my phone and i look at them when i’m sad jskdhkjhads i scream about dolce reviewing my fic to anyone who’ll listen tbh

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

it’s kind of shallow, but writing became really, really, really hard when i changed my laptop last august. i don’t know why, it’s like i can’t produce anything i like on my laptop. it’s a psychological thing i’m still trying to get over, even until now.

oh, it was also really hard after my uncle died.

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you

ummm. i’d say the way i characterized niall in “if i had the chance, the things i would do to you” surprised me at the time i wrote it. i still have no idea how he turned out like that. but i like it hahhaha.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

i think i became a bit more willing to experiment? last year was my first year writing 1d fic so i just mostly stayed in my comfort zone, writing the things i was sure about. this year saw me publishing fics that pushed my boundaries a little bit. somethin’ bout you is one. another is to kill the mess we’ve made, princess’ birthday fic. princess likes things i don’t normally write, so i tried to like, tailor the fic to her interests, which was why it had a bit of angst. my entry for the 30 days of smut was also just one huge experiment, i wanted to see if i could write harry getting rimmed. apparently i could.

also!!! i started actually, properly outlining my work. it’s a messy outline, but it’s an outline, nonetheless and it makes me feel like a proper writer every time i have to refer back to it jsfjkhads

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

i hope that next year (2017) writing comes much easier? of course that’s kind of…like a farfetched ideal, writing will always be difficult but i can always hope, right? i hope that i’ll also be able to write longer fics, maybe even publish a chaptered fic one day with a long plot. i hope to also get a better grasp of harry & louis, and all the rest of the 1d characters, so i can improve the depth of character/write fics with different ships (lirry, anyone? also i want to write an ot5 smut fic that’s my dream). i also want to have a better grasp of angst to be able to spin longer, more complex plots! i have so many hopes why am i so optimistic

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

i, of course, have to mention the person who got me to continue writing 1d fic after the first two i posted in 2015, the person who still consistently makes me write things and every time i give her an idea, she always says “why don’t you write it???” like wow that belief in me. the person who always reads my fics beforehand and screams about the parts she liked/parts she didn’t like (you have no idea how nerve-wracking it was to publish a fic she didn’t read beforehand. because it was a surprise. for her.) princess @britishhusbands always the best and always, always grateful for you.

other writers inspire me too, like rachel @alivingfire honestly rachel you are a huge, huge inspiration and i always tell people you’re the true mvp in the larrie fandom. @crazyupsetter is a huge inspiration as well, whoknows fics are always amazing. um. this year i also read another hazy may for the first time and @/delilah, i just. i think about it a lot. J @latitta are an immensely talented writer, and your words and your works always push me to be the best. @tornorrows i love you and your works, thank you for your words. @haydolce incredibly, incredibly talented, and your fics always make me so happy. @gloriaandrews and @100percentsassy i love your works, whether you write it together or separately, and they’re always a joy and a pleasure to read.

oh!! j @harrysramonesshirt shares the same love for pretty words and quotes and poetry as i do, and she always sends me stuff to inspire me. it’s actually because of her i started a sideblog where i just reblog all the pretty words/quotes/poems i like, and refer back to it when i need inspiration (if you’re curious, you can find it over at @/stylestiques haha) j, thank you for the poems, the words, the another hazy may playlist you made, which has been the only thing i’ve been listening to for the past few months–you’ve been such an amazing source of inspiration.

other people hm. @louisdarling i love you, you know that, you don’t have to do anything to be an inspiration, you already are. @loveliestlarry all the best, amanda, i’m still a shit replier (will i ever not be haha), but thank you nonetheless.

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

uhhh. usually the only thing that shows up from my real life in my works is whenever the character works out/boxes/goes to the gym hahaha. mostly, i draw from other people’s experiences–the small things that other people do, stories they recount back to me, or little throw away comments that they make, usually that’s where i get the inspiration.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

i think just. don’t be afraid to try out new things. like if you like an idea/prompt but are afraid you aren’t good enough for it, try your hand at it anyway. you might just surprise yourself.

also. “fake it till you make it”. a lot of people have an idea but are afraid to write, because they might not be good. i’ll be honest–most of the time i just bullshit my way through fics. so just. bullshit it. don’t be afraid to write shit.

(wow i’m the worst at this)

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

i’m excited to finish my cuddling fic, which has already taken WAY TOO LONG. 😠. i also hope i’ll be able to finish this other fic which has also TAKEN WAY TOO LONG. i’m also looking forward to starting princess’ bday fic this year. AND RACHEL @alivingfire AND I HAVE SOMETHING PLANNED AND I’M SUPER PSYCHED FOR THAT. WE HAVEN’T HAMMERED OUT THE DETAILS YET BUT. IT’S GOING TO BE REALLY, REALLY FUN.

14. Tag three writers whose answers you’d like to read. ;)

@turtlekz and @backonefish and @tornorrows hiiiii if you haven’t done this yet!!!!

*All answers should be about works published in 2016. Also, you can skip any questions you hate or don’t want to answer, but please leave them on the list so that others can do them if they want. :)

#wow this was long #sorry #i'm so annoying i said so much shit #tbd

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callunavulgari · 8 years

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Year-In-Fic

Total fics written this year?

Another Love (The Flash; Barry/E2Wells, Barry/Thawne; 4,586 words) “I want you,” Barry confesses unhappily, a charming pucker between his brows. His eyes dart back up, not shying away for once, to meet Eobard’s. A little bit of steel creeps into his expression again, and Eobard wants to applaud him all over again. What a beautiful creature he’s created.

time in a bottle (The Flash; Eobarry; 2,961 words) “If I didn’t exist,” Thawne says, quietly, moving to slide his fingers up Barry’s jaw; they leave goosebumps in their wake. “Then neither would you. And if you didn’t exist… well. We won’t get into that mess. So the universe — the, hah, Speed Force — sent me here. A paradox, clinging to the cracks between time. Just… waiting.”

nothing's gonna harm you (not while i'm around) (SW; Gen, Reylo; 1,167 words) Ben and Rey Organa are born ten years and five hundred parsecs apart, but Ben can feel it in the Force the moment she comes into being. He can feel her every second of her way home, a bright star that outshines even the familiar intensity of his parents.

we dream in the dark (for the most part) (DA; Gen; 806 words) “Will it go away?” Bethany asks, her voice quiet as a whisper.

Ramble On (The Flash; Eobarry; 2,695 words) Thawne playfully hums a few bars of something vaguely familiar. Barry looks back at him, and when Thawne sees him looking, he smiles wider and gleefully stomps his way through a puddle. Sings, “If I could save time in a bottle, the first thing that I’d like to do…”

D.C. al Coda (The Flash; Barrison; Harrison edges closer, until Barry is close enough to touch, and reaches out to take Barry’s jaw in hand. It’s tacky and cool against his palm, from sweat, tears, or both. He tilts Barry’s chin up in a testing sort of way, willing him to open his eyes. “Barry,” he says, gently. “Look at me.”)

it began with stones (DA; Fenhawke; Everyone knows that the blight started in Ferelden.)

darling, you gotta let me know (Stranger Things; Nancy/Steve/Jonathan; 6,120 words) Jonathan’s room is messy the same way that Steve’s is. There are dirty socks and shirts and underwear strewn across the floor. Cassette tapes litter the desk like miniature landmines. There’s a notebook open on his bed, a textbook and a pencil beside it. He must have been studying when Steve knocked.

Binary Sunset (SW; Reylo; 1,747 words) Center stage, Rey holds herself as still as a statue. Spine straight, toes pointed, already in first position. They’ve done something to her eyelashes, softened all her hard edges, from the jut of her jaw to the point of her nose. She glitters, from her feathered bodice to her flowing skirts, a bright glint of white in the dark.He doesn’t think that anyone else has noticed that she’s trembling.

Nine fics. I don’t even want to know how many words.

Best story I wrote this year: darling, you gotta let me know. It was the first fic that I was proud of from the get go this year.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest. Ramble On. It had all of the weird dreaminess of Time In a Bottle without the Inception feel. I ended up rereading it on the plane back to Ohio and liked it so much more than I did when I was writing it.

Okay, NOW your most popular story. darling, you gotta let me know, hands down. It’s the first fic to get over a 1000 kudos since I stopped writing Teen Wolf. I mean, of the nine fics that I wrote this year pretty much every one of them is from a smaller fandom. I think the only reason this one got as popular as it did was because I published it right after Stranger Things got big and I was one of the three people who had written for the pairing. Story of mine most underappreciated by the universe, in my opinion: it began with stones, probably? I usually have a definite answer for this question, but this one was strange as it is. Dragon Age/In the Flesh fusion with Hawke as a zombie? Kinda weird. I don’t mind that it got a small reception, but it fits the most.

Most fun story to write: Another Love. I had a ton of fun playing with that whole concept. Barry going back in time to when Eobard was playing at being Wells was a fucking gift.

Story that could have been better? All of them? Technically? I’m still not entirely pleased with how time in a bottle turned out, but I ramped that one up in my head for so long that I’ll probably never be satisfied with it.

Story I wrote to fix things: Pretty much all of my Flash fics were written to make something better. Ramble On and time in a bottle were both written to satisfy my need for there to be a current-timeline paradox Thawne still out there, tucked away in the speedforce, just biding his time. Hell, all of the God Complex series were written because I wanted to rewrite or add bits to an episode to suit my shipper heart.

Oddest story: it began with stones. In the Flesh. Dragon Age. Kind of weird. But my brain went, what would Jen like for her birthday? Okay, she likes Dragon Age. And she likes zombies. How can I write zombies in a way that I haven’t written them yet? Oh, I know! Hardest story to do: Okay, so it isn’t on here, but the Sabriel AU is what I’ve really been suffering through. I hit a point and wasn’t able to overcome it, which is why it still isn’t done. I’m hoping to read Goldenhand and the rest of the Like Young Gods series sometime this month and we’ll see if it inspires anything. Easiest story to write? I struggled with pretty much everything I wrote this year except for Another Love. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that it just so happens to be the only fic I wrote before I gave up smoking.

Most mining of your own history in one story: Pretty much none of them. D.C. al Coda has a lot of my experiences with grief, but that’s about it.

Themes, or absence thereof: Pretty much ‘heroes and villains make out’. Or in the case of Hawke and Fenris... rivalmancy. Where did you publish/archive your stories? Ao3, as per usual. Story I haven’t yet written, but intend to: I have nixed pretty much all of my Teen Wolf projects. I would like to say that at some point I’ll finish the Bioshock Infinite AU and the Carmilla one, just because I have so much written of it already, but I don’t know. I do know that I want to finish the Sabriel AU and I currently have a weirdly one-sided Julian/Barry fic, a Prompto/Noctis pining fic, and several Stargate Atlantis fics that I want to finish. Oh, and maybe the Yuri on Ice soulmate AU if I can make the idea hang around long enough to get to.

Sexiest moment (excerpt): He slides the palms of his hands up her sides, ghosting them up and over her ribs, framing them, feeling where the softness of skin and muscle gives way to hard bone where her rib cage starts, how each breath she takes pushes her body more firmly into his hands. She makes a noise when he reaches her breasts, shuddering when he cups them, even through the fabric.

“Please,” she breathes, and Jonathan hesitates, unsure of what she wants.

“Here,” Steve murmurs, taking hold of Jonathan’s hands once more. He guides them to the buttons of Nancy’s blouse and pauses, waiting, as Jonathan undoes them himself, his touch sliding down Jonathan’s forearms then back up again.

Jonathan pushes the blouse from Nancy’s shoulders, watching the blush that blooms under his eyes, going from her throat clear to her navel. Her cheeks are flushed too, her eyes black and wanting.

Steve lets go of him, maybe realizing that Jonathan won’t be of much help at this moment, and his hands vanish around Nancy’s sides, quick and darting. It isn’t until he’s helping her pull her bra loose that Jonathan even realizes what he’s done.

Steve’s hands go back to his, guiding them to Nancy’s breasts. The skin is firm and supple, and so very warm. Her nipples pull tight when his hand brushes them. Steve leans close to Jonathan’s ear, and whispers, “Touch her.”

Crackiest moment (excerpt): Outside, it’s raining. The air is heavy with humidity, heat pressing down on his back like something alive. Barry walks down the street, feet bare against the wet asphalt. Thunder rumbles threateningly in the distance. A bird sings, and a street over, another joins it. Everything is green and damp. It smells real. Would a dream smell real?

Halfway down the street, a second pair of feet join his. The person they belong to is silent, doggedly following him down the road. Barry doesn’t have to turn to know who his newest phantom is.

“Are you going to sing at me too?”

“Do you want me to sing to you?” Thawne asks.

Barry glances at him, frowning unhappily. He’s wearing Wells’ face again, a familiar little half-smile playing around his lips. His suit is wet. It isn’t the suit — not the yellow one — just a regular one. Plain. Black. The fabric clings to his shoulders and his hair is dripping in his eyes. His feet are bare too, and somehow it feels wrong to see them, the fine slender bones gleaming wetly. Too intimate.

Barry swallows and looks away, but even when he concentrates, it refuses to change. Figures, that even in a dream Thawne would cause him grief. When Barry doesn’t reply, Thawne playfully hums a few bars of something vaguely familiar.

Barry looks back at him, and when Thawne sees him looking, he smiles wider and gleefully stomps his way through a puddle. Sings, “If I could save time in a bottle, the first thing that I’d like to do…”

Favorite dialogue (excerpt): “At least,” Eobard interrupts, thoughtfully tapping his finger against his lips. Slowly, he starts to grin. “Not everything. So, Mr. Allen, I’ll ask you again. What do you want?”

The answer is written all over Barry’s face. There’s a story there, behind the pain, the grief, the hopeless lust, and it’s one that Eobard knows he’ll get to live out himself over the course of the next year. He wonders just how many times he fucked this boy before the truth came out. The boy — his Barry — already loves him. Not like this, of course, not yet, but a hero worshiping kind that he’s had since day one.

“Well?” He coaxes, eyes widening. “I’m waiting.”

Barry wets his lips convulsively and swallows, his adam’s apple working. He tugs on the cuff, halfheartedly, mouth turned downwards. He didn’t expect this. Maybe he’d expected closure. Or maybe he’d convinced himself that all he really needed was the formula. But he wants this. And Eobard’s going to make him say it.

“I want you,” he confesses unhappily, a charming pucker between his brows. His eyes dart back up, not shying away for once, to meet Eobard’s. A little bit of steel creeps into his expression again, and Eobard wants to applaud him all over again. What a beautiful creature he’s created.

“Just you,” he adds, just as quiet and unhappy, but with a dawning comprehension. “Eobard Thawne.”

A shiver crawls down his spine, dick twitching in his pants. God, it’s good to hear that name again. “Oh, Mr. Allen,” he breathes. “Say it again, won’t you?”

Favorite lines (excerpt):

Jonathan had known that they’d done this before. After all, he was sort of a witness to it. But up close it’s something else, it’s poetry in motion, the way that Nancy’s head tips back, the bead of sweat that slides down the tip of Steve’s nose, how her legs wrap around his waist, her small feet locking at the dip of Steve’s spine.

It’s beautiful, and his fingers itch for his camera, so he fumbles around beside him, stretching his arm out to his desk until he catches the strap and can tug it into his hands. He watches them through the lens of his camera for a moment before he gets up the courage to touch, tapping Steve with his foot and then gesturing with the camera, head cocked.

Can I?

Steve’s entire face transforms when he laughs, going bright with emotion. He nudges Nancy until she glances over and then she’s laughing too, and they’re both nodding.

He catches them both mid laugh, naked limbs flung around each other. And then he catches the moment that the laughter turns to something else, mouths half-parted in breathless pleasure. He catches the curve of Nancy’s breast and the freckle behind Steve’s ear, and then he waits, breathless, for the right moment.

He waits and waits, and the moment that they both go still, bodies shaking with pleasure, mouth caught on soundless moans-

Click.

He swallows, lowering the camera as it spits the picture out with a hiss, and holds it in his hand, watching them. Their eyes are closed, breathless little smiles across their faces, sweat on their brows. Steve hasn’t even pulled out of her.

Click.

Fic goals: Finish Sabriel AU. That’s it. My only other writing-related goal is to get out of this funk, write something big (which will hopefully be the Sabriel AU) and something original. Fingers crossed.

#heather writes #new year's memes #heather says what

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lokidiabolus · 3 years

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Last Resort - Chapter 3

Fandom: The Maze Runner

Pairing: Thomas x Newt

Warnings: ex boyfriends, AU

Summary: Three years after breaking up with Thomas, Newt finally thought the past of hating each other was behind them, until Thomas asked him for a favour - pretend they got back together for a week while staying at his parents’ home. Because it was an absolutely dumb idea, Newt was inclined to refuse, but then found himself in the house he used to visit when he was in love and happy and the bitter reality of only pretending for people he always liked made him miserable. But it was nothing against dealing with Thomas himself for a week straight and trying not to fall back in love that hurt them both.

Or: Prompt ch. 192 with added spice. Or something. I just needed to write for a while :’)

Can be found on Ao3.

Notes: There's a small bit added to the previous chapter, to which this chapter connects. I added it pretty late, so just a heads up.

This chapter has a slight M rating. Well, if you know me, you know there's not much to expect from the sex scenes, right lol.

Idk if you wanted to be tagged for another chapter, but just in case @izzymultifan

Unbetad!

The living room fell into immediate dead silence once they entered, the warmth from the fireplace almost burning their icy limbs and faces. Thomas’ family stared at them from the couch, with Anna’s worried crease of her brows to Brian just mutely asking them what the hell just happened to Hannah with her arms crossed on her chest like a judge ready to take them to the court.

“Who died?” Newt smiled as much as his frozen face allowed, feeling how Thomas’ hand squeezed his own tighter for a second. Maybe as a warning, he thought, to not invite any threatening debate that could break this fragile something they established outside.

Newt wasn’t sure what the something was, but he craved to hold onto it with scary obsessiveness. Seeing Thomas’ dejected face somehow broke the last wall he was desperately defending since he came here, like a punch right into his gut that would leave him writhe in pain if it were physical.

“You tell us,” Brian finally said, his tone careful. “We thought we’d hear a car starting for a while there.”

“Didn’t take my keys,” Thomas spoke quietly. “We just wanted to talk. In private.”

Anna frowned and Newt saw the question in her eyes, the did you break up sort of inquiry he hated, because it was all he heard for more than a month after they split with Thomas three years ago.

Why did you break up? You were so perfect together.

What happened? Don’t tell me you broke up?

You broke up? But you’ll get back together, right?

It’s just a phase. You just need a break; you’ll get back together again.

“It’s all good,” he informed them simply, with no dramatics or placating smiles. “We’ll stay for the rest of the week. Tommy was just worried about the schematics, but honestly it’s our break and they should manage at both of our jobs without us.”

Anna’s face relaxed with obvious relief and Newt felt it in his bones, the weary, heavy burden of uncertainty and fear. The moment Thomas said he wanted to leave tomorrow Newt realized he hated the idea of not uncovering what could lie under Thomas’ sudden need for proximity he started to show today.

It wasn’t anything new – Thomas behaved like that when he felt threatened by unknown force that could come between them, no matter how long they were together. He had a jealous streak firmly lodged in his subconsciousness, and no matter how many times Newt told him not to get worked up about every small thing, it just surfaced involuntarily, like a reflex.

Honestly, back then it annoyed him, and possibly added to the breakup eventually, the lack of trust Newt thought it meant. He couldn’t even fathom back then it could be a simple ingrained insecurity, since Thomas never acted unsure or uncertain, but seeing it now after there was nobody to impress, it clicked perfectly.

It was funny, finding such an important nuance about somebody he spent so many years with now, when they were supposed to be over and done, in span of three days (or few hours of today, if he wanted to pinpoint it). It confused him, but intrigued all the same.

“Sorry ‘bout that,” Thomas added, and his hand warmed up and relaxed, and Newt intertwined their fingers together because he could. “We weren’t arguing or anything. I was just a bit ahead of myself.”

Liar, Newt wanted to say, but kept it to himself. There was no point in telling them the truth, since it came with a heavy burden of its back story they weren’t supposed to uncover.

“Good to hear,” Anna finally smiled again, appeased and Newt tugged at Thomas’ hand gently to lead him to the couch to sit again. The relief the brunet followed him without a fight spread through him in delicious hotness.

“Can I have more soup?” he heard Thomas say towards Anna without letting go of Newt’s hand and thought yeah, okay. I want to know where this is going to lead, consequences be damned.

The war is over.

***

The bed was unmade, the blanket kicked towards the bottom by Newt’s angry motions in the morning he would never confess to. He saw this place as a battlefield, a spot where he lost every night even though he tried to defend himself somehow, made to sleep next to a person that was so close yet so far.

He felt the cold surface of the door behind his back, leaning into it while looking at the combat zone quietly, while his side was warm from Thomas’ body doing the same thing. They stood in silence for about a minute now, right the moment they entered Thomas’ room and closed the door. The clock showed a minute past midnight, and the air was charged with static somehow.

He expected Thomas to lie down first like he always did. Challenging him to throw a tantrum again while tucking himself under the soft blanket, eyebrows raised mockingly, just waiting for Newt to get cold and give in so he could have that satisfied I’ve won smile.

But he didn’t move from the door like he rooted there, breathing calmly like he was waiting for Newt to be the one to start the fight today.

Except no fight was happening. They stood there uncertain, because the situation suddenly reached a point they never thought it would get to, like an uncharted territory. Love? Or curiosity? Habits die hard? Were they lonely and the other conveniently happened to be there?

Was Thomas always this hesitant? This careful? This vulnerable?

Newt glanced to his side, watching Thomas’ unsure expression, until the brunet noticed him looking and their eyes met.

“What’re you thinking about?” Newt whispered for some reason he alone couldn’t quite explain.

“Groping,” Thomas answered in the same tone, making Newt snort. “Just kidding. I’m not sure. Brain’s not exactly working at the moment.”

“Drinking sure is bad, huh,” Newt teased him because he could, and Thomas’ lips curved up.

“Keep that up and I’ll tell dad you didn’t drink any of his precious whiskey because you hated it,” he teased back, and Newt gasped.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Who’d be the favourite now, huh,” Thomas’ smile turned into a grin and it melted the static so effortlessly Newt almost felt that physically. He let himself laugh, easy and unforced and Thomas laughed with him, like they were seventeen again and enjoyed each other unconditionally.

They were 27, life was not a fairy tale, and they sure didn’t see world in pink anymore. He knew that. But time didn’t wait for anybody, let alone them making sense of their feelings for another three years.

He didn’t move when Thomas’ hand reached for his again, gently squeezing it before pulling it up to his lips, softly kissing his knuckles. He watched with half-lidded eyes how Thomas pushed away from the door, turning towards Newt with those big, brown eyes of his and the well-known and the never forgotten shiver immediately travelled down his spine to his belly, lighting up the excitement he didn’t feel for years.

In all honesty he only felt it when Thomas looked at him like this and it was useless to fight it.

“You’re allowed to grope now,” he said with an intention to taunt a little, more breathless than he’d admit, but Thomas’ eyes only darkened and the hand he was gently holding until now got pulled forward, making Newt crash into Thomas’ chest with an oof and his lips devoured.

Holy fuck, I forgot how he kisses was the only coherent thought he managed when Thomas’ hands slid up to his neck, his thumbs framing Newt’s jaw while his mouth was plundering Newt’s like a starving man. There was an urgency in the movement of his lips and his tongue and how he caressed Newt’s face while firmly holding him in place and it made Newt’s blood roar in his ears and his own hands to clutch Thomas’ shirt in a death grip.

He was vaguely aware he made noises he should have been embarrassed about, but then again why? For Thomas it was nothing new, he already heard every noise he made, he knew him inside out and he still remembered how to play him with shocking ease, no matter how long they were apart. Newt kind of wondered if he was the same deep down, knowing Thomas’ weak spots and what made him moan and while his hands travelled over Thomas’ torso, he realized he really never forgot this, the warmth of his body, the passion with which he kissed and touched, what made Newt feel wanted every time they made love.

Why did they even stop? What happened for them to stop chasing after this closeness and immense pleasure of being together? His brain was hazy with want and the more Thomas sucked on his lower lip and pushed deeper, the less he cared about thinking whatsoever.

They parted involuntarily, probably for air or something similarly mundane, and Thomas looked dishevelled and out of breath. He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, with his eyes almost black with desire, but Newt didn’t want to hear anything and just pounced back, dragging Thomas by his shoulders towards him, closer and closer until they clicked like puzzle pieces into each other perfectly.

If they didn’t talk, there were no problems to deal with, no arguments happening. If they just touched each other, their mouths busy with licking and biting and sucking, there was no risk of anything bad happening that would shatter this precious moment of just them.

Words bad, kisses good.

(Very good actually.)

When Thomas pressed more into him, propping him against the closed door while licking into his mouth, Newt had no problems gripping his shoulders and then sliding further, his arms circling Thomas’ neck and suddenly Thomas wasn’t on his level but reaching higher only for Newt to realize he was pushed up, so he circled his legs around Thomas’ waist to keep his position, wrapped around him so tight it had to hurt him. Thomas’ hands fell right on his ass, squeezing it until the blond yelped, broke the kiss and took a shuddering breath.

“Seriously…” he breathed out heavily. “What’s with you and the obsession… with my ass?”

“You really wanna know?” Thomas flexed his hands in response and Newt made a noise in the back of his throat.

“Try me,” he grinned into Thomas’ lips, capturing them once more and could feel Thomas’ smile on them, something he thought he’d never experience again in his life from this impossible man.

“It’s soft-,” Thomas whispered between kisses, “-fits right in my hands-,” another kiss with a small nibble on Newt’s lower lip, “-and I guess I’m a perv and if I don’t touch your ass at least once a day I’ll die.”

Newt happily bounced up and down, making Thomas moan at the sudden friction, and buried his left hand into Thomas’ hair, grabbing a handful and pulling firmly until he was staring right into those pits of hell.

“Then show me,” he dared him and smirked at Thomas’ breathless fuck he muttered under his breath. They immediately spun around once Thomas apparently decided door fucking might not be the best sex-after-three-years’ experience, and in few steps the brunet made them arrive to the bed on which Newt landed without finesse when Thomas let go of his thighs and dropped him. The mattress dipped under another added weight once Thomas leaned in on his knee, right above Newt’s lying form, and the blond reached for his shirt and pulled him lower, right atop of him, with precise familiarity of them doing this thousand times during the previous years.

Thomas went easily, eagerly even, instantly nestled himself between Newt’s legs while his mouth latched onto Newt’s neck, sucking without doubt another hickey right above the collar height, that fucker. His hands were already under Newt’s shirt, pushing it all the way up under his armpits, making dissatisfied noise when he had to actually stop with the marking to get rid of the garment completely.

“You’re so fucking thin,” Newt heard him mutter when his shirt got tossed somewhere in the corner and Newt was full on display now. “I have to feed you again.”

“Oh yeah, talk sexy to me,” Newt snorted and reached for Thomas’ shirt again, just to get his hand snatched away.

“I’ll make you mean dinners,” Thomas leaned back in, his voice dropping, and it made Newt roll his eyes but couldn’t help his chuckles either. “How ‘bout it?”

“Toss in breakfasts too, and I might consider it,” he played Thomas’ game while grinning. “You think you can win me over with one lousy meal per day?”

“Seriously, you’re such high maintenance,” Thomas faked an exasperated sigh and let go of Newt’s hand just to get busy with his belt. “But since it’s you, I might actually even add lunches.”

“Now you’re spoiling me,” the blond drawled while watching Thomas’ fingers unlooping the belt with precise motions, making lava pool in his gut. It erupted like a volcano when the brunet dipped his head down and kissed a wet trail down his belly button, then lower once he removed the belt completely and unbuttoned Newt’s jeans while dragging them down his slender hips.

He didn’t even hesitate before swallowing him once free from the confines of his briefs and Newt couldn’t stop a loud moan ripping from his lips and his hips bucking up, almost choking Thomas in the process, just to get gripped by his thighs and grounded with a tight hold. It was making his legs quiver and back arch, and when Thomas hummed around him in appreciation, the sensation threw him over the edge embarrassingly fast, with his heels digging into the sheets and whimpers coming out of his mouth.

The fire in his belly spread through his whole body and once the charge set off with an overwhelming climax, he came back down from the high boneless and sated, feeling Thomas’ hands holding his thighs and caressing the skin through his aftershocks.

“Fuck, I forgot how good you’re at this…” he breathed out shakily, blindly reaching for Thomas’ head, raking through the soft hair while the brunet was covering his inner thigh with small kisses.

“Didn’t forget how I love to do this to you,” he heard Thomas drawling with a satisfied tint of his voice, and he couldn’t stop the shudders at the idea of more.

More kisses covered his belly, then advanced up, over his chest and to his neck again, nipping lightly at the sensitive skin there, and Newt started pushing Thomas’ shirt up over his back, touching the bare skin that burned like fire under his palms.

“Do you want me to do more?” Thomas’ voice was so close to his ear, rough and guttural and even though Newt just came he already felt arousal tugging again like he was back in his teens. “Hmm?”

Why are you even asking when it’s obvious, Newt wanted to say while digging his heel into the back of Thomas’ leg, nudging him to go on. He pulled at his shirt insistently, needing it to come off like his was, and Thomas finally lifted himself slightly, helping him to get rid of it. Then remained towering over him with half lidded eyes, looking down while propping himself on his heels and Newt realized he wouldn’t continue unless Newt would specifically say yes.

He must have seen the understanding in Newt’s face, since he took a deep breath and his expression sobered up a little, something Newt didn’t want him doing at this right moment. He was bloody hard and horny, he wanted Thomas in him as soon as possible, but at the same time he could feel the block between them from three years ago threatening to break them apart.

“Thomas,” he said softly, making the brunet breathe in deeply, as in defence. There was a strange loss in his eyes, wariness maybe and Newt recognized it was him who put it there long time ago. “Tommy.”

“Yeah,” Thomas acknowledged the attempt, leaning back down, but not touching him. “Is it okay?”

“Yeah,” Newt nodded too for an emphasis and tentatively reached up with both hands, locking them behind Thomas’ neck. Then added: “Please.”

And Thomas pushed back in with a relieved sigh.

***

“I said no!”

“You keep saying no for weeks, what’s wrong?”

Newt pushed into Thomas’ shoulder again, making him take a step back while the anger raised in him. Was sex all Thomas thought about? All he bloody wanted, to fuck? Even tough they were mad at each other, when they barely talked, but at night he would just forget about it all and make love? What kind of fucked up logic was it?

“What’s not wrong?!” he barked back. “You think I want you to touch me now? Think the fuck again!”

“What’s your problem?” his partner stared at him from the other side of the kitchen, hair still damp from the shower he took before. Newt was hoping it would take him longer so he could leave the flat without him seeing, but luck was not on his side. “I’m trying to make peace, is that not what you want?”

“Bullshit!” Newt resisted to urge to come close and push him again, the desire to get physical to make himself feel better was disgusting him. “You think if we fuck things are going to be fine? You’re just bloody horny!”

“Wha-? The fuck, it’s you who keep trying to find things to argue about, I don’t know what to do to make you stop it and talk to me properly!” Thomas’ voice was ringing in his ears like high-pitched scream. “I’m fucking sorry for making an attempt!”

“If you call this an attempt, then we sure have nothing to talk about,” Newt hissed at him. “You touch me and I’ll bite your fucking hand off, we clear?!”

“Seriously?” there was a shock on Thomas’ face. “Is that what we are now? Enemies? I’m not even allowed to touch my boyfriend, is that it?”

“Try pushing it and you have no bloody boyfriend anymore, you fucker,” Newt gritted through his teeth and before Thomas could say anything, he stormed to the hallway, grabbed his jacket and keys and left like a hurricane.

One more minute with the man in one place and there’d be blood.

He pointedly ignored his phone beeping and vibrating with missed calls and messages and didn’t get back home until the next day, purposely waiting until 10 AM to be sure the flat would be empty. He took a sick leave at work just to assure there would be nobody bothering him for few hours until he’d make peace with his own situation. He had a fleeting fear he’d find Thomas home anyway, waiting for him angry and shouting, but when he got back, it was quiet and empty, and Newt felt relief washing over him.

Thomas evidently slept on the couch, since he left crumpled blanket and a pillow on it, and Newt avoided the place like a plague. He didn’t have the strength to deal with anything right now, his head hurt, he was hungry and needed a bath and some sleep, and the nagging fear of another confrontation almost made him unable to calm down, no matter the fact Thomas wasn’t here.

He did everything fast and efficient, didn’t spend too long in the shower or changing, and even slept for rather short time despite being up the whole night. He tried to find a place where he could stay for a while, with Minho being his first choice and who refused him outright, calling him an idiot and Newt just barked fuck you before he hung up on him.

Well, he was always more of Thomas’ friend than his, so maybe it was fair.

In the end it was Ben who saved him and offered his place to stay at, and before Newt left home, he scribbled a note, slammed it on the table in the living room and ran away.

[Leave me alone.]

***

Newt woke up slowly, his mind wandering, his body heavy and abnormally warm. For a second, he thought he was sick, and fever crept on him during the night, but when he touched his forehead he didn’t feel anything out of ordinary. That was until a movement on his side pushed him back into reality, in which he was in his ex-boyfriend’s bed, after having sex with said ex-boyfriend, and the said ex-boyfriend’s arm was acting like Newt’s pillow.

“Oh,” escaped from his lips once he turned his head to Thomas’ side, seeing the brunet sleeping soundly next to him, face relaxed and lips slightly parted.

They kissed so much, he realized when looking at Thomas’ mouth. The amount felt like worth three lost years, eager and desperate in equal measures and Newt couldn’t stop thinking about it. He always loved kissing with Thomas, among other things, because he could kiss so well. He honestly thought from the first kiss they shared when they were 17, how experienced he had to be, until Thomas told him he kissed a girl once before starting to date Newt and Newt told him it was unfair he was natural at it. Because Newt was not – he knew his skill was lacking and Thomas couldn’t have enjoyed kissing him the first month after they got together, but he never complained, and at that regard always only laughed and called Newt silly.

Maybe Newt was silly in lots of things. Why would Thomas even want to deal with all that again, after tasting how bad it could be when Newt fell into an insecure mess?

“You tryin’ to curse me, blondie?” Thomas’ voice interrupted his thoughts with a sleepy rumble and Newt snapped back to his partner’s eyes to find them still closed. But his mouth was smiling, corners lifted comfortably, and Newt couldn’t help but touch them up until Thomas started nibbling on his fingers.

“You feel froggy yet?” he escaped snapping of Thomas’ teeth and dropped his hand to his collarbones instead, noticing bright, red hickeys he left the night before. Was that a teeth mark between his neck and shoulder? Yikes.

“Just hungry,” Thomas mumbled with a yawn. “What time is it?”

“Don’t know,” Newt shrugged, too lazy to actually turn around to reach for his phone and look. “Time is relevant.”

“Fair,” another yawn and Thomas rolled on his back, stretching with several audible pops. “Can’t feel my arm.”

“Was a good pillow,” Newt propped himself on his elbow, smiling. “Thank you for your sacrifice.”

“Ugh…”

Better not to talk about the night, Newt mused, watching Thomas bundle up in the covers again like a petulant child.

Better not to talk about them at all.

***

Turned out it was close to lunch time when they finally made it out of the room. Anna greeted them with a cheery mood, but Hannah looked like she wanted to murder them on a spot, even going as far as not giving Newt his favourite cup (it was probably from when they were around 20, Newt just started using a mug little Hannah picked for him in the shop whenever he came over, with black cat on the side, and she called it a Kiki cup).

Thomas made him coffee into his own cup instead, like if he was saying sorry for her being in puberty and Newt accepted it with a small smile, fighting a persistent urge to kiss him again. He was sure nobody at the table would appreciate it, and from Hannah’s deadly glare she kept on sending their way he assumed keeping this behind closed doors would be wiser.

“You sure slept long today,” Anna was just saying while handing Newt a plate with scrambled eggs. “Try not to get used to staying up too long, you know how hard it is to get back on track for work.”

“Don’t think we were up too long,” Newt lied, because he very well knew the clock showed 3 AM when he was finally dozing off. Anna didn’t need to know that though.

“Really?” Hannah stared at him challengingly. “Then the dying whale noises I heard till half past three must have been my imagination.”

Thomas sputtered his coffee all over the table and Newt found himself unable to come up with any kind of retort that wouldn’t consist of mortified whines and hiding under the desk. He completely forgot Thomas’ room neighboured with Hannah’s, but she obviously did not, and he was scared to look at Anna’s face to see the horrified expression. Instead, he glanced at Thomas who was trying to salvage the table somehow, and found him in the similar state of distress.

“Was much calmer when you two were broken up,” Thomas’ sister sneered at them, pushing away her plate that was covered in coffee now anyway. “Or didn’t talk to each other. I need my sleep!”

“Hannah,” Anna reprimanded her with a tight voice and Thomas stopped the movement and cleared his throat, his eyes refusing to meet anybody. A weird tension settled there, until he got up with an excuse to find a towel and left the kitchen.

“Oi, that really wasn’t necessary,” Newt shot Hannah a frown. “Sorry about the night, okay. But don’t tell him things like that.”

She huffed, but then gave out a small nod. Newt was aware she didn’t mean it in a bad way, but somehow it felt like an arrow straight through the weak spot and Newt didn’t like how it stung. Judging from Thomas’ hasty retreat neither did he.

“Was just annoying,” she mumbled with a pout. “You were quiet the nights before.”

“Yeah,” Newt admitted quietly. “We worked out the problem we came here with. Sorry we were not discreet.”

She only hummed and when Anna let out a sigh, Hannah just stood up, took her plate and set it on the kitchen counter. Then shuffled out of the kitchen as well, leaving him and Anna alone under the sound of clock ticking.

“I’m sorry for uh,” he cleared his throat awkwardly, not brave enough to look Anna in the face. “Being loud. And making Hannah uncomfy.”

“Oh well,” Anna only said and started putting wet plates away. “Try to keep it down next time.”

She didn’t sound angry or disappointed and Newt risked a glance in her direction, noticing a small smile on her lips when she was putting away the cutlery.

“I’m just glad you worked it out,” she noticed him looking. “Not as much about traumatizing my daughter, but at least you two don’t look so tense anymore. Whatever it was, I’m happy it’s gone.”

Newt wasn’t sure what whatever was, or if it was gone, but the fragile balance he and Thomas established since yesterday did work wonders for them so far. Or at least him, it wasn’t like he could speak for Thomas as well, no matter how good the sex felt or how many times he kissed Newt or how gently he touched him or how he pulled him into his arms when they were falling asleep.

But he was so careful. Not like the Thomas he remembered from their relationship who was confident and bold. He held back all the time now when he could help it, like over the course of three years he built a wall around himself tall enough to be unable to climb and Newt stood on the other side of it, isolated, unable to reach him.

It scared him, to be shut out.

“I’ll go find him,” he announced more to himself than to Anna, to force his body moving, and left the kitchen with heavy steps.

***

Thomas wasn’t anywhere in the house, Newt checked every room, and he hated how it made him antsy. He didn’t just drive back home, did he? That wouldn’t make sense. He would say something, right? To him or at least to his parents.

Maybe he just went for a walk, to clear his head? He wasn’t really the type, but that was three years ago, people change during shorter time than that. But this situation was new for both of them, after everything that happened Newt could tell Thomas was conflicted.

Hell, he was conflicted too. He couldn’t deny his own satisfaction of having this man next to him again, the feeling of boyfriends label, no matter how fake or pretended it was. What they did yesterday night was not fake at all – neither of them were forced or disliked it. It felt good and Newt wanted to feel good for a bit more, but… what exactly it meant for them was the real question.

“If you’re searching for Tom, he’s on the veranda,” Hannah stopped him on the stairs to the second floor (for the third time, to re-check) and he looked at the door with surprise.

On the veranda? Outside this whole time?

“Thanks,” he turned around, slowly descending the stairs. “You talked to him?”

“Yeah…” she seemed unhappy. “Sorry I said something like that. I wanted to apologize to you too.”

“It’s fine,” he assured her and patter her head once he got close enough. “We’ll be quiet from now on.”

“Hmph.”

“Was he upset?” he stopped under the stairs and Hannah shrugged. So he probably was, Newt guessed, but evidently didn’t take it on her, which corresponded with the Thomas he knew (Thomas who would never take out his anger on his family, especially his little sister, Thomas, who would pamper her when she was little, Thomas who let her be mean to him without being mean back). That knowledge calmed him down, a bit of familiarity he could hold onto.

It still took him another minute before he managed to dress into his coat in a super slow motion and reached for the handle to open the door, taking few deep breaths. Every time he exited the house to reach the veranda the mood shifted – first there was sadness, then anger, and he wasn’t sure what this one was going to entail.

He expected probably anything from Thomas at that point – a frown, a smile, a neutral face he didn’t like – but seeing Thomas with a cigarette sitting on the railing was not one of those. His cheeks were red from the cold and his fingers too, and he gave Newt a strange look before inhaling another dose of smoke.

Newt couldn’t pinpoint the feeling this scene evoked in him.

“Didn’t know you smoke,” he commented after several long seconds of stupefied silence during which Thomas puffed two more times.

“I try not to,” the brunet answered easily, twirling the cigarette between his fingers. “Don’t fancy it. But it calms me.”

Newt could relate, he usually smoked when stressed as well, but Thomas sure did not smoke when they were together. So he had to start after the breakup, or maybe because of the breakup, and Newt found himself not liking it. Hating how guilty it made him feel, how he felt like he should be apologizing.

“You know Hannah didn’t mean it, right,” he said instead, straight to the point that mentally made him cringe, and Thomas slowly nodded.

“She told me,” he mumbled, looking at the cigarette between his fingers. “I mean I knew that the moment she said it. Who do you think whined the most every time I got home that I didn’t bring you with me? Sure wasn’t dad.”

Of course, little Hannah was quite attached to Newt. It was endearing. Maybe that was why the statement from her stung so bad.

“Rude. Here I thought Brian would be on my side,” Newt joked in an attempt to elevate the sour mood and Thomas inhaled one last time.

“They were all on your side,” he uttered bitterly, making Newt speechless. “It’s not like it’s new. Not like it wasn’t fair either. I know I was a shitty boyfriend.”

“Thomas-,”

“I know you said yesterday it’s okay,” Thomas didn’t let him speak, “but I’m still not sure if I should have done it. I just don’t know how to act now, what’s going to happen if I dare to... Well, it felt good, but when Hannah said that I realized she’s not wrong.”

“Not wrong?” Newt repeated with wide eyes and Thomas reached to his jacket for another cigarette. His hands seemed to shake a little.

“That it might be better if we stay separated,” came an answer Newt didn’t want to hear. “I mean all that shit that happened between us… what I did and how you hated me in the end. It’s not like it’s all magically gone. Like I’m any different.”

You’re plenty different, Newt wanted to say. So careful now, so hesitant, so insecure. What I made you to be.

“Thomas, this wasn’t a one-way street, okay,” he took a deep breath, despised how his voice shook. “What you did – and what about me? How shit I was? How I hurt you to the point of you just giving up? That’s okay?”

“What else were you supposed to do when you were unhappy?” Thomas could barely light the cigarette for how his fingers were frozen. “You tried to leave several times and I didn’t let you.”

“You know that’s bullshit,” Newt huffed. I made you believe that, he thought, that it’s all your fault. When it was mine as well. “If I wanted to leave so badly, I would, and you wouldn’t be able to stop me. I was a bitch towards you, of course you didn’t act like you liked it, that would have been fucked up.”

Thomas gave up trying to get the lighter started and his shoulders slumped. He looked so defeated Newt felt tears stinging in his eyes. Even though this morning he felt so good, why going out on the veranda always meant bad things?

“Hey,” he boldly took few steps closer. “You do realize we’re not the same people from three years ago, right.”

Thomas shook his head, but let Newt come close, let him reach for his shoulders, let him press against him, his head against Newt’s chest.

“For what it’s worth now, this late… I’m sorry,” Newt spoke softly into Thomas’ hair. “For what I made you go through back then. I’m sorry I dragged it for so long and hurt you so bad. I’m sorry you… feel like you have to ask me about everything so I wouldn’t get mad at you. You don’t deserve that kind of trauma.”

“Oh please,” he heard Thomas laugh, but it sounded strained. “It’s not trauma. I’m just cautious.”

“You can call it whatever you need to call it,” Newt pressed closer to him. “Living without you is empty, you know.”

“Patched up relationships never work,” came a sound argument and Newt could tell Thomas gave it a lot of thought. Maybe too much. “The idea of going through that again, I just…”

“Yeah,” Newt mumbled. “I know. I don’t want that either.”

Once arms came around his waist, a heavy weight fell from his shoulders, easing off his nerves. If Thomas was willing to give it a go, Newt would be grateful.

He thought he would be fine alone, never thinking back to that time. To the pain and loneliness and anger he went through when telling Thomas it was over under the lit up Christmas tree on the town square. Of seeing how something in Thomas’ eyes broke down, how he didn’t even fight it. How he just nodded, silent, defeated. How he just said okay. How it was over for them in a matter of seconds.

Seven years gone. Love over. Reality settling in.

How he felt when he got back home, frozen and dull and empty. How all things belonging to Thomas were gone. How the flat felt cold and big and alien. How he couldn’t function for a week.

How relieved he was.

How angry he was.

How lonely he was.

How he missed Thomas every night. And hated himself for missing him.

“We have a week to figure this shit out,” he whispered, gently stroking Thomas’ back. “And I will accept anything you decide on. So let’s leave it for now, okay?”

“Okay,” Thomas said quietly and Newt for the first time in his life felt like he didn’t deserve this man, but selfishly craved him anyway.

#tmr #newtmas #the maze runner #last resort series

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