#but i always look in the mirror and see a masculine person whether i want it or not

[blackasmyhangryfurrybrokensoul]

I feel like even though I was born female, I can’t BE a girl no matter how much I want it or how much I try. There’s this external pressure and internal desire but my physical body can’t satisfy those. I feel like if a male who wanted to be female was born as a female but not in the ways that would affirm their female gender identity. I was handed the body but the body doesn’t match what society wants or expects, or what I wanted and expected. For better or worse, I have one of the possible ideal androgynous-looking bodies. Sometimes it’s a treasure and sometimes its a pain. I don’t ever see people that NATURALLY look like me. It’s either diets or surgery or they’re still kids or they’re tiny amab people. I’m tired of only seeing myself in amab queers. I want people I relate to but I can’t find them. I want to see afab girls with flat chests and body hair and not-dainty hands and an adams apple and low voice and masculine stance and no curves and still be very much girls or perceived as girls. 

[yourgfdgirlfriend]

can we talk about how toxic this whole “that small thing gives me the ick” narrative is?

like, girl, him using a basket at the grocery store or bringing water to the airport gives you ‘the ick’, but him never doing a single chore or believing women are inherently better at cleaning, like it’s some instinctual level ability is fine!? you’re gonna deal with him actually thinking he’s superior to you, but don’t he dare pick up a ping pong ball or you’re out?

wanna know what gives me ‘the ick’? rudeness. sexist behaviour. selfishness. masculinity, that is so fragile wind could knock it over. being unable to give a genuine apology. those are things that make me wanna drop someone; not normal human actions.

can we stop picking on any even slightly feminine perceived behaviour in men and just let them live without this ginormous expectation to always be this strong masculine picture of a man that no one is ever gonna be able to fulfil? you’re creating the same pressure on them we as women get all the time. you’re feeding into toxic masculinity. stop. make an effort to end this thinking instead. all the ‘icks’ I see on social media are so fucking stupid and misogynistic in their core; usually accompanied with sentences like “well, if he’s gonna cry about a birthday gift, he’s not my alpha anymore” no, he’s not. he is a real person with feelings, you fucking brainwashed-by-the-patriarchy monster.

give me a fucking break; i’m so sick of seeing people pressured into these roles their whole life and being so unhappy and hold so much resentment. just stop. let men cry. let men think kitties are cute. let men dangle their feet. let men giggle and be silly. let men have genuine moments of happiness without thinking about whether or not they seem masculine enough. cut them some fucking slack. and maybe there will be fewer men hating women, because they always had to be a certain way to be accepted. every woman knows the feeling of all these expectations and rules you have to follow. we know how much it sucks; how suffocating it is. so let’s stop repeating this narrative and start breaking out of it. reflect on where you’re coming from before criticising someone’s behaviour. we’ll all be happier for it.

and don’t anyone dare to use this as anti-feminist. this is inherently feminist, because it breaks with the tale of women being poor innocent damsels in distress unable to harm anyone or anything; always the victims. perfect little dolls. we’re not. women are cruel and flawed. women are offenders. women are judgmental. women are cold hearted and shortsighted. women are petty. women are misogynistic. (not all women of course *cough cough*) women are not perfect. we are human. of course the “women are capable and smart. women are superheroes” side of feminism is widely preferred. let’s be honest no one wants to hear bad things about themselves, especially when fighting against your own oppression; but it’s therefore no less true. both are legitimate; they’re two sides of the same coin. deal with it.

and if I see anyone hurting a sweet boy’s feelings, because him owning a stuffy or something adorable like that gave you ‘the ick’ I’m gonna personally bitch slap you so hard, that looking in the mirror will give you the ick for the rest of your life. savvy?

[celluloidbroomcloset]

Since this was being discussed, I think it worthwhile to take a quick look at Calico Jack's character and the way in which he represents a facet of the toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia of piracy.

I've written before about Izzy's internalized homophobia and investment in the masculine hierarchy that despises men like Stede and Lucius, both of whom reject gender conformity and more naturally embrace the feminine aspects of their personalities. That Jack is Izzy's immediate choice to get Ed away from Stede speaks both volumes about Izzy and his assumptions about Ed, and about Jack himself.

When we first meet Jack, his entire persona is of a frat boy, an old friend of Ed's who wants to shoot, drink, fight, and fuck. In their first introduction, he refers to Stede as "the big gal"— a comment on Stede's perceived effeminacy, and highlighting Jack's inherent misogyny. Ed immediately laughs, dismissing it as a joke, though Stede is accustomed to being treated this way by other men like Jack (similar to Nigel's jokes about his "plumpness" and effeminacy). Already, Jack is indeed being typed as homophobic, with a contempt for "lesser," more effeminate men whom he can control and dominate.

The major indication of Jack's homosexuality is his statement about his dalliances with Ed, which he frames in the context of directly asking Stede if he and Ed are "buggering each other or what." It's the show's first explicit verbal reference to sex between men, but here it is framed as an act that men do to each other, disconnected from love, attraction, or even desire, because "anything goes at sea." The anything goes comment is what further highlights the undercurrents of Jack's homophobia—that sex between men is simply what happens at sea, often on ships with no women present. Once more, it is disconnected from any elements of desire or love, and while there's no indication that Jack would consider sex with anyone in romantic terms, he certainly doesn't consider sex with men to be romantic.

Izzy clearly understands homosexuality as an acceptable, normal part of piracy, but his initial horror at Stede and Ed having sex is rooted in the hierarchy of men, who penetrates whom (Stede, an effeminate man, penetrating Ed, a hypermasculine one, is unacceptable and has to be rectified via murder), and the relationship between sexuality and violence. Jack's role is an offshoot of this—he explicitly addresses homosexuality and Stede and Ed's relationship, but it remains formed in terms of what they are physically doing to each other, ignoring any facets of emotional or romantic connection. He further highlights Ed's own arrested development in his understanding of sexuality as violent games between men, with the insistence on playing whippies mirroring Ed's desire for Stede to stab him. Sexual contact is always violent, and it is always about who does what to whom. The only place for men like Stede is in being subdued, or in not participating at all.

Jack's homophobia is not rooted in the act of gay sex, but the meaning behind it, and the importance of who does what to whom. As I've mentioned here, sexual roles are about places in the masculine hierarchy, and sex itself is about power, not love or attraction. He dominates Ed in the whippies game, and he attempts to dominate Stede via a discussion of sex. The wedge which he tries to drive between Stede and Ed is based in his having had "dalliances" with Ed, with the implication that he is the more masculine man and therefore has a right to penetrate Ed.

Stede, once again, rejects the masculine hierarchy. He doesn't form his relationship to Ed on the basis of power dynamics, and openly states that he respects Ed's past as being Ed's business. Whether Ed has had sex with Jack is, to Stede, immaterial; just as he does not see stabbing as a sexual act, he does not see Ed's past with Jack as having bearing on their present. It is Ed's shame that makes the relationship with Jack important later on, not Stede's.

So Jack's internalized homophobia is a reflection of piracy's attitudes towards gay sex in general, and Ed's own shame about his desires and feelings. Jack was intended to bring Ed back into the fold of piracy, rejecting the more fluid gender and sexuality of Stede and the Revenge in favor of hypermasculinity and rigid sexual roles. The plan backfires, however, as Ed successfully embraces his softer feelings for a gentle man with no interest in exerting power over him.

[imaginepirates]

Marrying James — Femme Edition

For @groovy-lady, to accompany the enby version.

James had been thinking about proposing to you for a while, probably a few months, but he was still horribly nervous to actually do it. He wants things to go smoothly, and wants a little privacy for the occasion, so he'd pull you away somewhere nice while still socially appropriate, like a more secluded area of a garden or a section of Fort Charles with a view. When you actually accept, he'd find himself at a loss. But you can tell through his bright smile how happy he is, and you can't help but feel the same as you get to watch him let his guard down for once. 

The wedding planning is great because he's actually invested in it. He helps you pick out the colors and taste-tests with you, and he has a pretty good sense of what things aesthetically work together. I can certainly see a blue/white/gold theme going, but with lighter tones than the typical navy standard. 

And, when things get overwhelming, the Swanns are there to help. Oh, James wants to take care of it all himself, but Weatherby insists on lending a hand, and you simply can't turn down Elizabeth, who's decisive when you're not and gets things done when you're too exhausted to handle it all. Not to mention, she has impeccable taste, and would help make sure the aesthetics were up to perfection.

You’re probably wearing a dress, given the standards of the times, but whatever you wear is made of gorgeous silk brocade that compliments your husband-to-be’s military uniform. There is, of course, copious amounts of lace, though the accessories likely feature a modest set of pearls. The floral arrangements host a fun variety of native plants like hibiscus and golden poui that capitalize on your life in the Caribbean as opposed to England. 

The service is modest; James doesn't need the whole of Port Royal at the wedding, even if people may be peeking in through the windows. After all, their beloved Commodore is getting married, and they want to be in the know about it. Elizabeth can't always be the one who knows the tea. 

The Navy boys are ecstatic. The group of you are good friends already, of course, because Gillette and Groves couldn’t keep their noses out of James’ personal life (especially Gillette), so they’ve gotten to know you, whether by meeting you “on accident” or later when James finally showed you around Fort Charles. They want to help in any way they can, though they have little experience with wedding planning. But they’re there for moral support, particularly if James gets called away during the process and you’re left to your own devices. 

As the wedding draws nearer, James begins to have his doubts. Not about you, but rather about himself. He thinks back to his own family, how cold his parents could be, how lonely he could get. How, even within the privacy of their own home, his family kept to societal expectations and standards. He never wants you to feel like you can’t talk to him, and he wants your home to be full of warmth. He wants to share his time and space and thoughts and experiences with you, something he didn’t get growing up. He’s so scared that he’ll accidentally recreate a mirror image of the only family he’s ever known, and he couldn’t subject you to a life that depressing. 

You’ll have to get him to calm down, to come to bed, to eat regular meals. He has an unhealthy habit of, when he’s nervous, trying to distract himself with work. This leads to distracting himself from other important things, too. Thankfully, he’s whipped for you, and you can get him to do just about anything pretty easily. A guiding hand on his arm or shoulder and a word of reassurance here or there would go a long ways to James’ getting any proper rest leading up to the wedding. 

James looks at this as foreshadowing into your future; he realizes how easily you can take care of him, a concept he’d never really thought of before, and it melts him. He’s always envisioned himself as the provider, meeting that masculine expectation. On the other side of that, though, he never considers the care he might be receiving. So, as you help him de-stress, it dawns on him that your marriage may truly bring him to bliss. He knows you have his back, that you can be a source of strength for him unlike any he’s ever had. 

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again—James is a crier. He can’t keep himself from tearing up at the wedding, even before he sees you. His men, even Groves, are rather useless at pep-talks, so he just ends up getting excitedly hugged by those closest to him. This is where he first starts to choke up; it occurs to him that everyone present really does care about him, and it only gets worse when he sees you walking down the aisle. 

His mother is there, and while it sets him on his guard a little at first, she’s supportive of the match and pleasant to have around. She couldn’t be prouder of James for finding someone he loves who also befits his station, as she couldn’t, and she couldn’t be more pleased with you. 

The thing about having a wife, in particular, is the potential for children. James would never, ever, actually expect that of you, to carry his children, but if you wanted to, he would be bursting with adoration. He would have you both think on it for a while, of course. Children are a huge commitment, and he doesn't want to influence you toward that decision too quickly. That being said, he wants them desperately. He fears being like his own father—emotionally withdrawn and separate from his family—and it would take some encouragement to actually convince him he'd make a good dad. But he'd try. He'd try so hard and it would make all the difference. 

Alright, alright. Now to the part you really want: the wedding night. 

James doesn’t actually have much experience when it comes to endeavors below the belt, so he’s a bit nervous himself (haha). That being said, he does a good job of not showing it, knowing full well that you have much more reason for anxiety. He starts things slowly, taking your face in his hands and kissing you, giving you some time to relax into his embrace. He’s a consent king, so whenever he moves to do something new he asks if it’s alright. 

James is still a flustered mess as you begin to undress, watching with wide eyes despite trying not to. He’s curious, too, and helps you with your dress and undergarments, getting his lips on every new inch of exposed skin. It’s gentle, though, and relaxed. He wants to explore you, to map you out. He’s shocked when you return the favor, ridding him of his cravat with skilled fingers, carefully loosening buttons and ties he assures you he can do himself. Both of you are surprised to hear him gasp at the kisses you place to his chest and the way his eyes drift shut with the pleasure of it all. He has much the same effect on you, though, and he smirks a little when he manages to get a moan out of you, which you’re desperately embarrassed about. 

Things aren’t perfect—neither of you fully knows what you’re doing—but you’re figuring each other out together, which ends up being an intimate bonding experience. You both have to place a lot of trust in each other, but it pays off. 

And an aesthetic board because I can't help myself...

[lulusbabygirl]

Ideas for fakeboys when they don’t want to feel so fake!

*aftercare post*

Look at yourself in the mirror, what are your favorite masculine features? Point them out and focus on them. Feel the happiness they bring you!!

What about your personality is traditionally masculine? It’s okay if you lean more feminine, you can still find wonderful masculine things about you. We all need a balance of both!

Do you like the exercise? Exercising always makes me feel more masculine. It feels good to help my body feel good!

Do something feminine while allowing yourself to feel like a man. This one is hard for some of us, doing anything feminine without feeling like a woman. This one isn’t for everyone but sometimes all you have to do is try. If you start feeling like a girl, that’s okay! You can try again another day and you are allowed to lean into being a girl if it helps you feel good. You can be a man again. You are not forced to be a woman, ever. You have all the power to choose no matter what anyone says in or out of kink (even what you say!)

Buy yourself some nice dress clothes. Doesn’t have to cost much, go thrifting and see if something fits you well! A nice pair of dress pants help me on some days I just need to feel like a man again.

For switches, dominate someone. I know sometimes these roles of sub=girl dom=boy can be really restrictive sometimes but I know a lot of us feel this submissiveness tied to being a girl. Being dominant to someone is such a great way to express your masculinity and feel powerful. It also just feels good knowing you’re letting someone unwind and lose control in the safety of your care!

Buy a woman in your life flowers. Can be a ingman too, but there is something about buy a woman flowers (especially a girlfriend or wife if you have one) that makes me feel like I’m being a good man. It’s one of those stereotypical masculine things, the husband goes out to get his wife some flowers. You get your mom flowers on Mother’s Day. Not all stereotypes are good but I love that I can put a smile on my girl’s face and give myself a pick me up as well.

Be the big spoon! I am a bit of a jet pack as my girlfriend is quite a bit taller than me, but it still feels so amazing having my arms wrapped around her. I love that I can protect her through the night while we sleep.

Think of that girl self. Listen to her, hear her. Allow her to exist. Let her know she will have her time when you are ready. Care for your whole self. This kink no matter how shameful is a part of you. I crash very hard when I orgasm and so badly want to get rid of her but I know that I need to accept her. She is there for a reason. Whether that reason be good or bad she is trying to help you find a way through. Sexuality is a powerful tool, let it guide you to where you most want to be.

Overall: You are you! Man or woman or somewhere in this wide spectrum you are worthy of love and care. From yourself most especially. Enjoy your time as a masculine figure, a man, a person, whatever you call your identity. Come back to being a woman when you are ready. Don’t push too hard. Just let your feelings take you where you need to go.

[barbthebuilder]

Hi! Hope your having a good day :)

I was wondering how your gender fluidity feels for you and what helped you realize it? I’ve been struggling with my gender identity for years and I always get stuck on whether it’s gender identity or gender expression, and what makes it one or the other. It makes it hard to pin down an answer for myself because how I feel about it on any given day changes a lot.

Thank you!

Yo! Thank you for the ask, appreciated as always :)

You're asking a good question but a bit complex one for me. The difference between gender identity and gender expression, huh? I'm pretty sure your identity is how you preceive yourself and how you want others to preceive you. Your internal experience. Basically, it's how you feel.

Gender expression on the other hand is what is on the outside. Hair, clothes, make up, pronouns, hobbies, and even body language. For example, we can have an afab, wearing a dress and traditionally feminine make up identifying as a man. Female is their sex, they dress feminine (gender expression) but they are a man (gender identity).

How to differentiate those two when it comes to the personal experience tho? Let's get through this together, shall we?

You look in the mirror and you feel masculine but at the same time feminine. You don't know what is going on and which is your true gender. Well, how do you want people to preceive you? Do you want them to think of you as a man or a woman? Let's say you want them to see you as a man. But he/hims are not working for some reason and make you uncomfy. What does that mean? Well, maybe today you are a she/her man... I mean why not? It does not make you any less of a man. Being a man is gender identity, she/her pronouns is gender expression.

I hope this is clear? I'm glad if I helped in any way or opened up a discussion at the very least! This is an open discussion so I encourage others to agree or disagree with my satements! Thanks ^^

[bubbleonice]

Reading for Zac Efron:

First I wanted to take a general look at Zac’s allround energy. What’s he up to? What is there for us to know?

God of Underworld: Something which no longer serves him is about to end. In the first card we see Hades, God of death and the underworld. He has appeared to mirror an impending death. This is not a physical death, but it’s a death of outmoded ways of thinking, belief system or emtional patterns that restrict or prevent Zac from moving towards a more positive and inpsiring future. On a subconscious level he gas yearned to rid himself of these traits. But, it is difficult to let go of something ao familiar. But it is essential for it to “die” in order for him to experience the endless possibilities. Rebirth and death are two sides of the same coin. Eventhough Hades is often brutal in his ways, Zac needs to let go of the old to make way for something new.

Creative Project: Zac longs to express himself in creative ways. He can’t wait. Creative expression makes him feel alive and excited and reignites the passion he has for life.

Wheel of fortune reversed: Destiny, lifecircles, however we wish to call it. The Reversed Wheel of Fortune represents the anxiety and distress one feels when things don’t go the way we planned. It might have been an earthquake of sorts, some shocking life changes. Prepare for challenges to spring up or things to suddenly fall apart. These difficulties won’t be of his own doing but will seem to be controlled by external factors. It indicates a period of uncertainty and disruption. When things are out of our control we can panic and try and grab hold of whatever is closest, The Wheel of Fortune reflects this behaviour or mindset back to us so we can recognise where we’re holding on too tight. Some of the main reversed meanings of The Wheel of Fortune are: resisting change, bad luck, letting go. Which brings us back to Hades and how he brings on death/rebirth.

4 of cups: The Four of Cups can mean that he’s bored or disenchanted with his life, that he’s focusing on the bad things, or that he thinks there's better grass elsewhere. He can feel as though his motivation and zest for life have been sapped. refers to lost chances, sorrow, or guilt.

The Emperor: Masculine, Head Not Heart, Facts, Hard Facts, Scientific Evidence, Professional, Intellect, Honest, Fair, Integrity, Accountable, Responsible, Decision Maker, Highly Qualified, Provider, Defender, Protector, Warrior, Here is a man who has no need or want for frills or fuss. A seat, is a seat, is a seat and so The Emperor chose his throne for pure functionality and not style.

This very important observation opens the doorway for us into his personality. This imposing looking man is practical and down to earth. He does not need a fancy throne to showcase his position or authority for he is fully aware that a seat, is just a seat. It is somewhere to rest when tired, somewhere to be stationery when you need to focus your attention or concentration. It is not a place to languish on all day. Indeed he spends little time there for he is a busy man with lots to occupy his time. The Emperor is not a people-pleaser. In fact he cares less whether you like him or not. He is not out to win the popular vote, but simply do his job.

The Emperor is an extremely responsible and practical man who believes in looking after his partner in the very traditional sense. This is the man who will want to take on responsibility for the practical side of the relationship. He approaches his relationship with the same degree of seriousness he approaches everything else in life. He can be quite intense, always taking care of things, preempting unpleasant situations and neatly dealing with them before they can cause any stress to his partner.

Now let’s see what the cards will reveal to us as to if Zac’s lovelife/ is he dating?

From these cards I interpret that he is feeling guilt. He feels he had damaged something good. He has caused someone pain. Deep down this person meant a lot to him. But he is afraid it’s too late to take action.

I also asked the cards as you requested whether he will get married and have kids.

A wedding card definetely came up. But when I asked for a timeframe I only got the respond “keep going with the flow of life” I pulled another catd and it gave me Sunday and the quote “Go inwards. Develope a vision.” I have to admit I don’t understand that message at the moment. I also don’t know much about Zac Efron, so maybe anyone of his fans who know him better might be able to understand what “Sunday” means. Did something happened on a Sunday that you know of?

Final message: leave your fears behind. They are stopping this relationship from blossoming. I guess Zac is a bit nervous of doing same mistakes as he had before, he is very guarded. And because of that maybe become a bit emotional unavailable. He needs to change his system of believes and thoughts. Have his Hades moment.

Hope this answer to your requests❤️

I hope you enjoy this reading. And please keep in mind that this is done for entertainment purposes only. I use tarotcards and oracle cards actively in my readings, as well as my intuition. Energies come and go, what is relevant for today’s reading might change in a few weeks time. But some aspects will always remain constant and the same. Thank you.❤️

[thedysphoriadiaries]

30 August 2023, 11:42pm

the pale blue dot.

It was the last thing Voyager One sent back to Earth.

It's the epitome of the storm in the teacup.

Two minutes to midnight. Our journey to our lunar counterpart.

All that has happened - every great symphony and art piece composed, every threat of annihilation - everything, and everyone for the next few generations, will all be on that pale blue dot.

I look at myself in the mirror. My reflection stares back. I have come a long way from that sharp-jawed person. I still dislike my likeness being captured on camera, but still...

Nothing changed, maybe apart from the quelling of the desire to be a girl - as it does, but I'm unsure if it will come back - from other more important things in my life, such as my aging grandfather, and the acceptance that I still have a whole life ahead of me to live, whether I want to or not.

The storm in the teacup.

In a way, we are all ghosts, born into shells made not of our own design, but of the design and volition of others.

I never asked to be born!

I told my mother that, one night. She was hurt. I felt nothing. Just anger. Come to think about it, I really only said that when I was 14-16 or so.

If existence was just unfortunate mishap after unfortunate mishap, then what was the point of living? What's the point of living if I could just lose my sight somewhere down the line? At age 20, my eyes require 9 diopters of correction - 900 'degrees' - because of ROP, and the laser surgery that I was subject to as a baby. I wonder how much longer it will take for my eyes to just... give up working.

One thing they don't tell you about corrective lenses for myopia is how they shrink things. Even with lenses that fit my prescription, I find that the lowermost layer of characters on those eye strength charts are often shrunken beyond visibility for me.

Those are things I will never get back. Ever.

Having lived through those things, I told my brother to take care of his eyes, years ago.

He didn't listen, like everyone else. It's why he wears glasses today, like me.

I suffer through some things outside of my control, warn others out of the good of my heart, and nobody listens.

Why won't they listen?

Why?

Don't do anything with your partner, you don't want to become a father at this age.

男人跟男人坐，女人跟女人坐。(Let the men sit with men, and women sit with women.)

Mom would always say that when we were outside, eating with other people. She just said that yesterday, when we were at IKEA.

I don't understand why she must be like this, but maybe, that is a result of my privilege - look on the dark side of this site to find out the sexism that the girls in my country (hell, any country) have to deal with. People advertising 'sets' of material that involve girls masturbating, having sex, etc.

If those are the depths into which toxic masculinity could delve into, I wish to have no part in that.

Why not healthy masculinity?

It's a question I've been pondering for a while now. I'm trying to imagine a world where instead of oppressing, we use our strength to protect. To nurture. Would I still want to be a guy, then?

It's a question I find hard to answer. I'll go sleep on it.

I'm sick of having nothing to offer to my friends. No thoughts about the experiences I have. A brain that - while smart - is just too slow, and unable to see the deeper meanings behind other peoples' words, intentions, and advice.

Even after working a couple jobs, I don't feel like I've grown, and I don't have that drive to do so. Self-agency scares me, too much, for my own good.

...

Either way, seeing as how I'm starting to feel like I was back in 2018 and 2019, I know what I am, for now, at least: a boy who wants to be a girl, or at least, not a guy.

Am I stupid for wanting to be something I was not born as? Maybe. Ben Shapiro and Matt Walsh might say that I will forever be a boy. Male. And that's true. I will forever have the chromosomal makeup of a male. No amount of hormones, wishes, stardust, dressing, and mannerisms will change the fact that my chromosomes make me male (my birthright).

Is womb envy true? Is penis envy true? Maybe. But I don't have the energy - nor time - to talk or think about these sexist concepts. I just want clarity, the clarity that I thought estrogen would have provided.

Yet, it muddied the waters for me. I still feel some measure of anxiety over the feeling of something being in my chest. Sure, I don't feel like cutting it out, but I don't know what to feel about it either. There's no way of knowing if it was the right choice, if choices can even be right or wrong in the first place. A part of me feels like I've triggered something that will slowly destroy my true self. Another part of me doesn't really mind. But I'm still aware of its existence, either way.

Anyway, this shall be part of the experiment. I shall go through National Service (NS), and see how my self-image changes. Maybe, I will find something of use there.

If I could handle Scouts, I can handle conscription.

keine zeit für schwächlichkeit. ich muss stärke zeigen.

Reißen dich zusammen, Fluffy.

Yet... I can't help but wonder...

...

have I lost my way?

...

very cool song:

[kittenkatsims]

I'm never gonna be a good trans person to close-minded people who only have one idea about what transness should be. I'm always gonna like feminine things and I'm always gonna want to dress up in skirts and dresses. I don't want to go on hormones or get top surgery. I don't feel like a boy or a man, and yet I've found a new level of euphoria using he/him pronouns. I will always look like a woman and I accept that people are going to perceive me as one when they first meet me and as long as they respect my identity once I correct them, I'm fine with that. I don't need validation from transmedicalists and I don't need anyone to tell me whether or not they think I'm doing trans right. I am at peace being myself. For years I would picture my ideal form and I would picture a skinny androgynous person. Someone who was nothing like me. There's always been a disconnect between the two- what I was and how I felt. I've spent so much of my life trying to be what others wanted me to be. First, I tried to be what I thought a woman should be: feminine, subdued, thin. I didn't eat for a year, trying to become what people wanted me to be. And at the lowest point in my life, I got more compliments than ever before. Eventually, I got tired. I realized that life was so much more than being thin. I was unhappy and I didn't care how fat I became I just wanted this to be over. So I got help. Around six months later, I realized I was nonbinary. And so I spent another year trying to be what I thought that was. I dressed masculinely and avoided clothing that showed my curves. I cut my hair short. I wore binders, even when no one else could see me. I thought I was happy. But my dysphoria persisted no matter what I did. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. Now I wear princess dresses and elaborate makeup. I never leave the house without a pair of earrings. And I'm happier than ever. I used to try to justify my gender presentation. I compared it to drag and likened my femininity to putting on a performance. And in some ways, this is true. But femininity is so much more than that for me- it's something I feel in my soul, inalienable from the rest of my being. My gender is complex and that's okay. My gender is more than my presentation. My gender cannot be defined as female or male and cannot be put in a box of what androgyny should be. My gender is fluid and ever-changing and what makes me happy now will probably be different from what makes me happy in ten years. I have no plans on forcing myself into being one thing for the rest of my life. He/him pronouns make me happy right now, but in a year, I could identify more with she/her. But I'm done doing what I think I "should" do, or conforming to the expectations of whatever gender I identify with at the time. I am a biological female. I am nonbinary- not a man or a woman. I like color and bright things that make me happy. I like pink and I like to feel pretty. And when I look in the mirror, I'm the happiest I have ever been. Feminine, fat, nonbinary, and unapologetically me. My gender contains multitudes and so do I. And that's something to celebrate.

[chell10xo]

Well it’s been a while since I posted so I thought I’d go all out on this blog. I’m going to discuss, soul connections, astrology, inner work and the 7 chakras and a little bit of tarot.

In 2018 I began going through another spiritual awakening, I stumbled across the term twin flames and I was quite taken back by it. I always grew up thinking we all had one soul mate and it was a fairytale kind of love but the deeper I dove into spirituality my beliefs began to change.

We can have several soul mates but only one twin flame. The common theory for twin flames is that the soul splits and reincarnations into two different bodies for soul evolution. A twin flame is a mirror soul, a reflection of you , the good and the bad. Your twin will shed light on everything that you need to heal and what you try to run from and eventually they will help you to ascend. There is no other connection like it. They usually come in and out your life triggering different stages of spiritual awakenings and to ensure you continue doing the work you signed up before reincarnating on Earth.

The twin flame journey isn’t easy, there are many different stages and there is usually a runner and chaser dynamic going on. One of the main lessons is to learn that twin flames will always be connected it’s only their ego that separates them from each other.

🖤A soul mate is usually a relatively easy relationship, you grow together and are able to overcome challenges, the relationship brings stability, peace and love they are usually a life partner that you settle down with.

-

-🖤Karmic people are the ones you will meet through out your life, the union between karmic people can often be intense and short lived. The reason being is that they cross your path to teach you something valuable and it is up to you whether you want to learn the lesson. Sometimes we keep meeting the same people in different bodies so that we are forced  to pay attention to what they are trying to teach us.

-

🖤Catalyst twin flames A catalyst twin flame is a term used for someone who may be very similar to your twin flame, they may belong in the same soul group or share the same vibrational energy. They also trigger inner work

- You may find yourself meeting karmic people during retrograde seasons.

- South node in astrology represents our past lives, where we came from and where our souls last resided. I would look at personal planets, moon, mars, mercury and Venus aspecting South node to see what karma you have to unravel. I would look at harsh aspects usually squares, oppositions or conjunctions to the south node.

- Venus square south node would be a good indicator that you shared an emotional bond with this person in a previous life time.

🖤Megan fox and machine GK synastry 🖤

An article published on 22nd July 2020 - the date is definitely a synchronicity since 22 22 is considered a twin flame number, In the article Megan claims that MGK is her twin flame. She recalled feeling an instant connection with him.

“I went deep right away. I knew before I even did his chart, I said to him, he has a Pisces moon. I could tell by his energy,” she said.”

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.yahoo.com/amphtml/entertainment/megan-fox-connection-machine-gun-kelly-immediate-twin-flame-194629807.html

MGK also captioned a picture of them both on Instagram as

“waited for eternity to find you again... 🔪 💫❤️ 🔪 “

So let’s look into this magical connection they share.

With MF and MGK both having Taurus sun’s, they will share similar personality traits which will bring harmony. However their rising signs are quite different since Megan has Capricorn rising and MGK has Gemini, the Gemini energy and sun in his 11 denfentily gives MGK more an edgy style.

When have a soul tie with someone we are able to communicate with them telepathically but between twin flames the telepathic connection is very powerful.

Mental connection -

🌚Sun conjunct telephus - in 11th & 3rd house - telepathic connection, understanding, knowing

🌚Mercury conjunct mercury in 12th &4th house - psychic connection , mental connection, depth , understanding

🌚Both have mercury in Taurus , creating a conjunction this means similar ways of thinking / communicating

🌚Neptune in 8th trine mercury in 4th- telepathy, imagination, romance, dreamy , depth

Physical connection

⚡️Sun in 11th opposite Pluto in 5th

Electrical, life changing, obsessive, fated , magnetic , explosive

⚡️Megan’s mars falls into MGK 8th house

Sexual chemistry, exploring taboos, depth, intensity, reading the subconscious mind, sharing secrets , sexual tension

⚡️MGK Mars in Pisces is trine MF Pluto in Scorpio

Satisfying each other’s desires, intimacy, power games

⚡️Mars in 11th - squaring Pluto in 8th composite chart - experimenting, powerful emotions, bringing out each other’s shadow/ darker side, knowing what triggers one and other

connection -

🖤 Megan’s Leo moon is conjunct MGF south node - 3rd house of communication .Any personal planets aspecting the south node can indicate past life encounters. The moon represents our emotions and connections we have with others and since it’s touching his south node this can indicate an instant connection, familiarity and deep bond.

🖤 Jupiter expands and blesses everything it touches, if aspected positively. MGK Venus in Pisces is exactly conjunct MF’s Jupiter in Pisces - this aspect would give a dreamy, fairy tale kind of love and with a dash of Jupiter for sure it would be expand their love for each other.

🖤 MGK Alma which is another term for soul is conjunct MF’s Neptune in Capricorn in her 12th house. As mentioned earlier the 12th house is known as the karmic house. Capricorn’s ruler is Saturn which also known for representing karma in astrology. Now let’s switch it round. Their Neptune conjunct Alma also falls into MF’s 7th house. Now taking in both placements, I would say this is a spiritual connection.

Fate, destiny and karma

The vertex is used in astrology to identify fated events, karma and destiny. Scorpio is considered the most interned sign of the zodiac because of the powerful energy Pluto carries.

Her Pluto is conjunct his vertex in his 5th house of fun, dating and romance. This is likely to be a life changing relationship filled with passion and. They will be strongly drawn to each other and with this conjunction also falling into MF 9th house, this union would more than likely transform her beliefs and lead her to search for spirtual guidance to make sense of their connection.

-South node conjunct union in Libra (spiritual reunion)

-Venus square Chiron (deep healing)

Elements

Fixed - Taurus , Scorpio , Leo , Aquarius

Mutable - Pisces , Virgo , Sagittarius, Gemini

Cardinal - Cancer , Aquarius, libra , Aries

🌚Feminine signs - Earth + water

💥Masculine signs -Air + fire

Usually with twin flames you will notice similarities or oppositions within the chart.

Both sun signs are in a fixed sign

🌙 Megan’s moon is in her 7th house which is a cardinal house

🌙 MGK Moon falls in his 10th house which is also cardinal house

🌪MF Venus is in Pisces & MGK Venus is in Gemini both are mutable signs

💥Megan’s mars falls Into her 1st house & MGK mars falls into his 10th both cardinal houses.

💥Megan’s mars is in Capricorn MGK mars falls into his 10th house which is the house of Capricorn.

🌙Mercury in Taurus are both in water houses 12 & 4

🌙Ruler of Megan’s DC is in cancer and her moon is in her 7th house.

🌙Ruler of MGK 7 house is in Jupiter which is in his 1st house

Alma means soul in Spanish it also considered the second moon in astrology.

🌙Megan’s Alma is in her 1st house

🌙And MGK Alma is in his 7th house

It is not clear whether they are actually twin flames but they are likely to share a soul connection. It will be interesting to see how this relationship plays out in the future as no twin flame journey is a walk in the park.

Astrology can not determine who your twin is.

Every twins journey is different, some are meant to be together in this life and some are not it all depends on the soul contract, all twins will have different strengths, weaknesses and connections which will show up differently in each individual chart. I found some asteroids which seem pretty interesting. You can go over to Astro. Com (extended chart) and calculate synastry between you and whoever. Asteroids should be in conjunction, opposition or squaring personal planets.

💫 Telephus 5264 - what a magical asteroid, it represents intuition, telepathy your inner voice.

💫 Psyche 16 - the Greek translation of soul. This asteroid can also indicate shadow work that one is yet to do.

💫 Juno- your ideal mate, a soul mate, a life partner, the one you’re likely to marry.

💫 Moria 638 - associated with destiny, fate synchronicities and karma

💫 Alma 390 another term for soul, connected with the heart , it can reveal information about your recent past life.

💫Urda 167 is similar to the south node as it is connected to past lives

💫 Child 4580 , child can represent our inner child and how to nurture , heal & connect with our inner child.

💫DNA 55555 , shows genetic information

💫Memoria 1247 - this is an astroid that holds memories of your past life

💫Union 1585 , reunion , being drawn to another , fate

💫193 Ambrosia , associated with healing, Devine masculine and feminine energy , eternity

💫ALTJIRA 148780 ,Shananic journeys , visions

🪄Numerology / synchronicities / dreams

-Some are born on the same day

-same life path numbers (this isn’t always) try calculating the numbers also

-Seeing repetitive numbers what are associated with twin flames - 1111/111/1212/1221/1313/2222/

-Reunion on the 11th month or 11th day etc

-months or days calculated between birth date may be meaningful

-having visions / dreams

-astral projection

-meeting/ unions during astrological events - new moons / full moons / portals

Dealing with separation / dark night of the soul

Energy work is a vital part of your spiritual journey. For those who feel they are on a twin flame journey then it is important that you balance your chakras especially if you are hoping for a reunion after separation or going through ‘the dark night of the soul’ or if you want to ascend high enough to meet a soul mate.

Everybody has 7 energy points in the body which is known as the chakras.

💜The crown chakra is associated with the planets Jupiter and the sun (Neutral)

👁The third eye chakra is connected with the moon and and Jupiter (feminine)

💙The throat chakra is associated with mercury (masculine)

💚The heart chakra is connected to the moon and Venus (feminine)

💛The solar plexus chakra represents the sun and mars (masculine)

🧡The sacral chakra is associated with Venus and the moon (feminine)

❤️The root chakra is connected with Saturn (masculine)

Use your astrology chart to connect with your chakras and find out identify your strengths and weaknesses. A person who has Neptune positively aspecting their personal planets may have an active third eye chakra which makes them in intuitive , spiritual and psychic. But they may have harsh aspects to their moon where they may shy away from emotionally intimacy, be guarded or have conflict feelings. They will need to do more work on their heart / sacral chakra through out their life time for spiritual healing.

An example of this would be moon square Saturn as it can indicate mother wounds, if you don’t heal then over time you can create and an emotional wall , this where the heart chakra becomes unbalanced or blocked. By observing where your moon is in your chart you can find where you will find comfort in life and what makes you feel content.

Your birth chart is a guide of what you need to heal, the more healing you do the less likely you are to keep recycling your experiences as you will raise your vibrations you will attract your soul family, be able to manifest the life you desire and ascend higher.

I’ve written a list of how the planets can relate to our shadow side.

🪐Pluto - what we desire, obsessions , secrets

🪐Lilith - Lilith is the wildness that resides within all of us, she holds the key to the closet that holds all your skeletons. She appears as taboos, addictions, obsessions, lust, and desires

🪐Chiron -the teacher and also the healer

🪐Saturn - what we fear , what we resent , karmic patterns

🪐Venus- What and how we love

🪐Mars - our drive , aggression

🪐Mercury - our mind

🪐Neptune - how we escape

🪐Squares and oppositions - challenges , work that we need to do -

🪐8th / 12th house

Shadow work

Our shadow side is the darkenss that lies with in us. It’s something that karmic partners usually trigger with in us and our twin reflects our dark parts which helps us to ascend. In astrology we could look at the astroid Lilith sign and placement to understand our darkest parts and what triggers us , or we can look at Pluto or even the more harsh challenging aspects such as squares which sometimes makes it difficult for others to understand us or even for us to understand our selves and why be behave in certain ways.

Shadow work usually rocks up as

-healing childhood trauma/ wounds

-recognising toxic patterns , how we self sabotage ie

-acknowledging

-facing our ego

-embracing our wild side

-Devine masculine / feminine work

-Taboos sexual desires

Tarot cards I Associate with twinflames/soulmates /karmic

-Queen of wands and king of wands / devil (twin flame energy )

-The emperor (Devine masculine)

-The empress (Devine feminine)

-2 of wands / 3 of cups / 10 of cups for reunion

-Judgment -karmic

-The lovers /2of cups / ace of cups - soulmate

-Dark night of the soul / the tower

-separation 8 of cups , death

Happy new moon guys, thanks for reading. Please feel free to share your experiences/ thoughts 🖤🪐⚡️.

[secondhand-trash]

Bar and lounge #13 + Ushijima

Thank you for ordering from our bar & lounge, here is your order...

A/N: I know this isn’t exaclty “on” the counter but I just think it might work well for him I’m sorry lol

Pairing: Ushijima Wakatoshi x reader

Warning: oral (giving), face fucking

Word count: 1293

13. on top of the bathroom counter

It was his fault for looking so good even with his hair wet from the shower and shaving cream on his face.

Well, Ushijima always looked good. He didn’t think too much about whether he was but he truly did manage to look like he was carved out of stone so effortlessly just from his natural state of being. You knew that very well, but perhaps it had been far too long since you last got to have him so completely to yourself that spending the whole day prior just staying in bed and having his attention all on you had put you back in a honeymoon phase where he could just stand there, doing nothing but what he always did every day and you would still want to ogle at his godly form.

He did not notice you at first when you quietly leaned against the door of the bathroom, his eyes fixed on the mirror as he shaved. The blade ran across his skin smoothly, the masculine curve of his throat bobbing each time he pulled the blade away. His jawline was already so defined as it was, but seeing the way it looked sharper than the razor he was using as he pulled his skin taut had you gulping uncontrollably. The droplets of water from his hair rolled down his neck, dripping down from his chest into his bare abs. He only had a white towel around his waist and nothing else, the flex in his abdomen with each move of his arms visible to your eyes. 

Quite the sight for the morning, if you dare say.

He had just washed the foam off his face when he saw you from the corner of his eyes, his hand tugging the towel at his waist after flicking the water off. 

“Good morning.”

You felt yourself going weak at the gravel that lingered in his morning voice, even more so when you were pulled against a firm chest as he pulled you close by the arm.

“I haven’t brushed my teeth yet,” you giggled, your palms flat on his abs as he leaned down anyways and planted a soft kiss on your lips. He smelled like mint and aftershave, tickling your mind as his lips brushed against yours. You could feel the rise and fall of each breath he took under your palms, the muscles ripping under your fingertips as you were tempted to trail further down.

“Did you sleep well last night?” he asked, his hand resting at the side of your waist when you slowly started tracing the defined curves on his skin.

“Not really,” you mused, looking up at him with a teasing grin, “quite hard to sleep on a sore back.”

You bit back a smile when his hand tightened, and paused.

“I’m sorry,” he replied far too genuinely for you to hold back your laughter.

You tilted your head to the side, letting your wandering hand rest just above where his skin disappeared into the towel. 

“Wanna make it up to me?”

Looking up at him from down on your knees was a whole different feeling.

His scent evaded your senses as you took his thick cock into your mouth, bobbing your head along the length as you took in the miniatures on his face. Something about the way he locked his eyebrows together as his lips parted always got you going, and you were only fueled to make his composure break even more when his hand gripped at the marble counter as he threw his head back. 

Ushijima was not necessarily a mouthy person, but you were the only person who would know that he could get loud when in the right position. Now with his back against the bathroom counter as the towel was discarded to the side, each grunt and nasally moan that slipped from his lips had you pressing your thighs together. Your hand fisted around where your lips could not reach, your eyes not once peeling off of him as you slobbered all over his length. Your jaw was going slack from how he filled your mouth up, drool leaking from your lips each time you took him in deeper. His thighs were all tensed up, your fingers digging into the toned flesh to steady yourself all while he physically held back from the urge to thrust up. 

His stomach flexed with each pant that fell from his lips, the permanent vein at the side of his cock pulsing and bouncing whenever you pulled him out of your mouth and ran your tongue along the underside of his girth, staring into him with doe-like eyes when you licked away the leaking bead of white from his hard tip. 

Something about the way he looked at you when you were taking the time with him always made you feel small, and the transition from the tentative way his hand found a place at the back of your head to a firm tug at your scalp always drove you crazy. 

You took his tip in when he didn’t start moving, nudging the inside of your cheeks with his hardness teasingly before lolling your tongue out and resting his cock on the muscle. He let out a loud groan the moment he gave his first thrust, His stomach tightening at the sight of your eyes rolling back at the shocks that rushed up to your nose from the stimulation. Soft gags slipped from your stuffed lips as he rolled his hips, almost carefully at first before the pace got rough. Your throat tightened in reflex every time his cock touched the back of your mouth, making your eyes tear up and body welling up in heat at knowing that he saw how turned on you were from letting him use you. 

His cock twitched when he leaned back into the counter, pushing his hips deeper into your warm mouth and holding you still by the back of your head. The soreness of your throat forced the tears down your face when he buried his length into you, your nose brushing against the hair at his base. He eased his hold on you as thick ropes of cum poured down your throat, the creamy texture coating your tongue as he pulled out of you inch by inch all. 

Many people knew Ushijima Wakatoshi looked good and was sculpted like a Greek god but no one but you knew that his face got flushed when he was near his climax, or that all the tensity in his expression faded when he looked at you after spilling his load in you, and then there was nothing left on his face but a silent fondness before he leaned down and scooped you up.

Drops of white darted on your face when he pulled out and he wiped them away with so much attentiveness like he wasn’t doing anything trivial at all before hoisting you up into his arms. His chest was nice to lay on, firm and reliable, with his hands holding onto your shaky legs as he pecked you again and again.

“What are you doing, Wakatoshi?” you giggled when he carried you out of the bathroom and towards the bed.

And with all his seriousness, he placed you down into the fluffy mattress softly.

“Putting you back into bed,” he said, slowly putting your hanging legs under the covers, “you didn’t sleep well last night.”

You laughed, your arms tightening around his neck before bringing his face closer to yours.

“Stay in bed with me,” you said against his lips.

He blinked, before you felt the weight denting the mattress around you.

“Of course.” 

He replied, but his words were swallowed by the kiss against your lips.

[awesomerextyphoon]

Speculum Cupido

Summary: You’ve been Dr. Strange’s apprentice for some time now and you wanted to prove your best friend wrong. It goes awry and both of you find yourselves in a ‘dark mirror’ universe where the Captain, the Asset, the Kraken, and the Fallen Angel want to make both of you theirs.

Pairing: Dark!Steve x Female Reader x Dark!Ransom, minor Dark!Bucky x OFC x Dark!Sam

Rating: 18+ / Explicit

Word Count: 3,072

Warning: Dub/Non-Con Smut, Oral (m & f receiving), Daddy Kink, MMF Threesome, Double Penetration, Spit Roasting, Non-Con Drugging, Breeding Kink, and Artistic License w/Biology

A/N: This is my gift to @labella420​ for @drabblewithfrannybarnes​, @chrissquares​ , and @amythedvdhoarder​’s Happy Hoelentine’s Day Challenge.  Dividers are by the lovely @firefly-graphics​. Shout out to @saiyanprincessswanie​ for letting me borrow an idea of hers for this fic. Thanks to @the-soulofdevil​ for the beta.

Back to Masterlist

Another Valentine’s Day, another day for the world to mock me being single.

You were having enough of a ‘meh’ week as it is. Dr. Strange had to return to Kamar-Taj for an in-person meeting and Wong was who knows where. They had instructed you to work on your portal and transfiguration spells while they were away which was fair since you’ve been lacking in that department.

It’s just that you longed for some excitement.

Luckily you wouldn’t be spending Valentine’s completely alone; Isabeau, your best friend, was coming over due to as she put it, ‘no one cares about a day where all one gets is somewhat good sex’.

Fast Forward two hours and you’re getting your room ready for Galentine’s Day Movie Night. You had decked out your room with homemade baked goods, drinks, best friend movies, all the good shit.

“I have wonderful news!” Isabeau burst in with gusto yet again.

You shot her a bemused smile, “What is it this time?”

“I have a new crush! It’s Eric from IT!”

“Are you sure this won’t end up like last time?” you queried in reference to the time when Isabeau’s crush turned out to be a complete asshole.

“Oh hush! This won’t be like that at all,” Isabeau retorted, “Now how about you? Have you had any luck with a hot sorcerer?”

“If only I’d be so lucky,” you muttered as Isabeau started on the Toffee Crunch Cookies you made.

A few minutes later, Isabeau’s eyes narrowed and her full lips curved upward in a mischievous smirk.

She had one of her ideas again.

“Hey, why don’t you try an ambiance spell. They’re harmless and you always feel better afterward.”

You didn’t like casting them due to something always going awry, but you relented once Isabeau broke out her puppy dog eyes.

“Alright, alright, I give,” you submitted, “I’ll try a simple floating star spell. Let me find the book.”

 Both of you went to the library for the book but it was nowhere to be found. All of the ambiance and illusion books were blank.

“Is this a sorcerer thing? I’m not seeing any words or illustrations,” puzzled Isabeau as you went through book after book in the library only to find them blank.

“No. Maybe we should just go back to my room,” you suggested as you made your way to the exit.

“Wait! There’s one book left. You could try that one.” Isabeau pointed to the last book on the shelf. It was a little worn like many of the books that resided in the library, but the inscriptions seemed odd; like it wasn’t supposed to be there.

Yet it was the only book that had anything in it.

“Fine,” you relented as you took the book back to your room.

  The spells in the book weren’t anything out of the ordinary, but one spell seemed to stand out to both of you.

“Speculum Mundus?” Isabeau wondered.

“It means Mirror World in Latin.”

“Oh,” her eyes got a mischievous glint to them again, “I bet you can’t cast the spell.”

“Not this again.”

“Oh come on,” Isabeau goaded, “It’s a simple mirror world spell. You’ve done it before. What’s the worse that can happen?”

“I don’t know…”

“Are you gonna chicken out again?”

“No! Just give me a minute,” you mumbled as your hands got into the starting position and recited the incantation.

  The room changed instantly.

It was filled with prism-like structures and kaleidoscope imagery giving the space a surreal ambiance.

It wasn’t unlike the last time you went into the Quantum Realm with Dr. Strange and Wong, and yet the hair on the back of your neck stood straight, and a chill shot through your spine.

You heard a gasp and turned around to see Isabeau with her protruding eyes opened wide and her mouth gaping. Following her line of sight, you saw four of the hottest men you’ve ever seen.

Though something was amiss.

For one thing, there were two Steve Rogers; one with a beard and one clean-shaven. Bucky Barnes’ arm was silver and not dark gray with gold highlights. All of them were in black uniforms with sections of vermillion and/or maroon. Clean-shaven Steve had a black tactical suit with a vermillion Kraken on his chest. Bearded Steve had a skull with tentacles on it. Sam had three vermillion stripes and one maroon stripe across his chest and shoulders with a falcon’s head in red surrounded by a black circle between his pecs.

But the thing that set off all your alarms was the fact that Bucky’s outfit was a dead ringer of his Winter Soldier days.

Instinctively, you grabbed Isabeau’s hand and made a mad dash for the hallway. You needed to get some distance so you could ground yourself.

You tried breaking the spell but to no avail. Not only did the spell not break, but your hands also burned at each attempt.

“We won’t lose you again!” one of the Steves yelled as you and Isabeau turned a corner.

“Come here, mici prințese!” another voice, probably Bucky’s shouted as the two of you made your way into a closet.

“I think we’re okay for now,” you breathed telepathically as the four Adonises crept past your hiding place.

“What’s the plan now?” Isabeau asked fearfully as her heartbeat started to rise in terror.

“I don’t know but-” you were cut off by a strike to the back of your head and your vision rapidly fading to black.

  Muffled voices and the beeping of medical equipment brought you from the void.

“Nothing is wrong….they’re…good, sir.”

“Be sure that they are. We can’t leave anything up to chance.”

Groggily, you open your eyes to find yourself in a sleek hospital room lightly chained to a bed. Several other people were monitoring your vitals. One of them is Dr. Bruce Banner, or what seems to be Dr. Banner.

Bruce turned to see you looking around with a slightly confused expression, “Ah, you’re awake,” he turned to one of his aides, “Contact the Captain and Lieutenant. Tell them to come to get their bride.”

You blinked. Bride?

“Where is Isabeau, my friend?” you inquired as one of the aides brought you some water.

Bruce scowled, “Don’t think about her. You might be able to see her if the Captain and/or Lieutenant wills it.” he remarked while eyeing you up and down in a condescending almost lecherous manner, “Hmm, looks great for breeding,” Bruce noted as he fondled and prodded your curves.

You’ve always been proud of how you looked, but at that moment you wanted to shrink in the corner after giving this Bruce a roundhouse kick to the groin.

You were about to tell Dark!Bruce to fuck off when Tony Stark, fuck it, Dark!Tony entered the room. This Tony looked a lot more sinister with his silver, gray, light, and steel navy blue armor. His face and hair were mostly uncovered with his facial expression positively predatory.

“Cap’s one lucky bastard. He gets a sexy bunny along with Lieutenant Smart Ass.”

Recalling how some megalomaniacs liked shows of submissiveness, you lowered your head and asked where you were.

Whether it be out of pity, spite, or malice, Tony answered your question, “You’re in another earth, another universe.”

You nearly swiveled to look outside the window. NYC’s skyline was radically different. There were fewer buildings and HYDRA insignias everywhere.

“HYDRA took over this world.” You deadpanned. FUUUUCK!

“Sexy and smart.” Tony praised sardonically.

It didn’t take time for HYDRA to regroup after WWII. Zola and his associates were able to convince Howard Stark to give them the Tesseract with the promise of great renown, riches, and no longer being bound by the laws of weaker men. They were able to create a superweapon with the help of Dr. Whitney Frost and have been ruling the planet ever since.

It could be worse. HYDRA knew they had to offer the people comforts in exchange for their obedience. They eradicated all diseases, created a good standard of living, and ended all petty conflicts under the new world order.

Though Tony didn’t feel the need to tell you. You’ll figure it out on your own.

The doors opened to reveal Steve Rogers and his younger, clean-shaven counterpart in all their masculine glory.

“Good, you’re here.” Bruce welcomed smirking at your silent pleas.

Both soldiers walked over and inspected you.

“Hello, kitten. Name’s Ransom.” The clean-shaven soldier drawled as he moaned from your scent, “Nice set of lips you’ve got there.”

“We’ll definitely have some fun with her,” Steve noted as licked his lips ogling your curves.

You had to use all of your restraint not to spit in their faces.

“We’ll take her.” Ransom decided while Steve nodded.

Several of the aides breathed a sigh of relief as Steve broke the chains on your bed like they were nothing.

“Don’t have too much fun now!” Tony called as Steve picked you up bridal style.

“Who am I kidding? they’ll breed her like a Catholic rabbit!”

  “Um, where are you taking me?” you queried, your voice barely above a whisper.

“You will address us as ‘Sir’ in public unless instructed otherwise. Is that understood?” It took all that Steve had not to push against the wall and pound your pussy with his cock he was so enraged.

No, he needed to wait. No one was to see what’s theirs.

Ransom, for his part, chuckled and shook his head, “Best not to anger this one, kitten. He hasn’t been in the best of moods.”

  You gasped once the doors to their living quarters opened.

The place was huge!

It had a modern yet retro design; it should’ve been confusing, but it worked. Grand windows showcased the skyline with a balcony in the middle with a huge kitchen next to what looked to be a restaurant-style fridge and a huge living room with a TV and a fireplace.

Yet there seemed to be something missing.

“Place needs a woman’s touch,” Ransom commented sending a smirk your way.

“I’ll see you in the guest quarters Ransom” Steve deadpanned as he led you down a hall.

  The bedroom was enormous yet sparse like they didn’t know what to do with it.

You were about to say something when Steve dropped you onto the incredibly soft mattress. His eyes darkened with lust and you knew what he wanted. You couldn’t think of a way out of this, not with the magic inhibitors Bruce placed on your wrists.

Maybe you could give escape one last try; you just had to wait for the right opening.

Steve smirked upon seeing you removing your clothes. He liked that you knew your place, his pretty little princess.

You could only gasp when Steve removed his uniform top. He had an incredibly defined musculature: broad shoulders, beefy biceps, chiseled pecs and abs, and a seriously drool-worthy Adonis Belt. The light shining behind him made his body appear even more glorious.

Steve looked like an ancient god brought to modern times.

With a predatory smirk, Steve slowly crawled to you loving the smell of your arousal. “Let me lay out a few rules, sweetheart. You will make our meals, clean our rooms, bear our children, and be our good little whore. You must earn the right to wear a bra; panties are out of the question.”

Each rule was emphasized by a kiss or a love bite to your jaw, neck, collarbone, and shoulders.

Finally, you are to address us as Sir in public and Daddy in private. Say it.”

“Yes, Daddy,” you muttered with your eyes downcast.

Steve lifted your chin up with his forefinger, “That’s a good girl,” and brought you in for a kiss on the lips.

The kiss was demanding yet soft. You were surprised he was capable of such gentleness.

Steve was about to push his tongue into his mouth when Ransom strolled into the room.

“Does she know the drill?”

Steve broke the kiss with a smirk,” Just finished explaining it.”

Ransom shot you a sardonic smirk, “You got the rules, kitten? Good. Now if you misbehave, I’m gonna send you to the dungeons for a few days.”

Steve started up again, “But...if you’re good-”

“A good little wifey,” Ransom interjected caressing your right cheek and leaning in for a kiss.

This kiss started off soft then intensified (really know how to lure a girl) into one filled with passion and dominance. Ransom forced his tongue into and moaned at your taste. A few seconds later he was pushing what felt like a small tablet past your tongue forcing you to swallow.

“Did you do it yet?”

“Cool it, grandpa! I did, don’t you worry. She’s gonna feel it. Aren’t ya, kitten.”

You started to feel strange. Your body temperature skyrocketed, your mind was in a deep haze, your thighs were clenching on overtime you were so turned on. You needed relief and fast.

“Please Daddies!” you begged as you tried your best not to touch yourself.

“See grandpa? She’s ready.” Ransom purred as he grabbed your thighs and placed them over his shoulders. He planted a few kisses near your entrance and groaned at the smell of your arousal.

It only took one long, slow lick to your slit to turn you into a moaning mess. You couldn’t believe the pleasure you were feeling. It was like a bolt of lightning shot through you.

Ransom groaned at the taste of your juices. Not even Stark’s overpriced chefs could compare. “Fuck, she tastes divine,” he groaned and dove in for more. Ransom attacked your folds and swollen clit with insane intensity and precision alternating between his tongue and fingers.

You were on cloud nine. Each motion took you further to the precipice of an orgasm. Ransom kept bringing you back from the edge only thrust you back into his level of tumultuous.

Steve got in on the action by covering your moans with a kiss of all-consuming passion and started playing with your breasts.

“Fuck, these tits are amazing! Can’t wait until these are filled with milk” Steve purred as he took one of your nipples into his mouth and the other between his big and forefingers.

After twenty minutes of teasing, Ransom finally let you come. A volcanic eruption of ecstasy erupted from your core and Ransom lapped up all of your juices.

“Rogers, you’re in for a treat!” Ransom exclaimed as he hopped off the edge of the mattress.

“I get her pussy first since you got to eat her out,” Steve uttered as grinned at your blissed-out state.

With a tsk, both of them got you into position with Steve’s thick, muscular thighs on either side of your hips and Ransom standing in front of you taking off his pants.

He was huge! His cock was long, thick, and veiny. It wobbled against his masterfully sculpted abs with each step he took. You wondered how that was going to fit in your mouth. Turns out Steve’s was no smaller if his tip being coated with your slick is any indication.

“This won’t hurt, kitten. You were made for us.” Ransom cooed.

You didn’t know how right he was.

Steve made his move by pushing into you inch by delicious inch and moaned at the sensation. “Fuck, she fits like a dream.”

“Don’t take forever, grandpa.” Ransom chided.

“Shut up, ya punk!” Steve retorted as he began thrusting into you loving the way your pussy clenched around him like a vice’s grip.

“Open wide, kitten,” Ransom started to push his throbbing cock into your mouth.

It took a bit of time and effort to loosen your jaw enough for him to fully enter you. He started fucking your mouth before you were ready. You tried not to gag he was so rough.

What happened to the man from earlier?

“Fuckin’ perfect.” Ransom breathed as he was approaching his climax.

Steve came with a primal roar that reverberated throughout the room after making you come two more times.

“Swallow it, kitten” Ransom ordered.

Funny thing is, you didn’t need the order. You delighted in the salty, tangy, and slightly sweet flavor.

Two minutes after you swallowed all of Ransom’s spent, both men decided it was time to move. Ransom got onto the mattress and pulled you on top of him with his tip nudging your entrance. Steve got behind you and placed kisses along the juncture between your neck and shoulders while positioning himself at your ass.

“Please...please don’t do this!” you pleaded, the pill’s effect slipping for the tiniest of moments.

Steve grabbed your neck with just enough force to pause, not hurt.” Best be a good girl now, sweetheart,” he warned.

Ransom slid in first, “Holy fucking shit!” he moaned, “Sam owes me $40.

“That depends on how well their bride is taking to them,” Steve pointed out.

“Eh, we’ll say ours is better.”

Ransom moaned again once he bottomed out and grabbed the globes of your blessed backside. He couldn’t wait to grab and smack it around in their quarters.

Steve moved slowly causing both of your breathing to hitch, his from pleasure and yours from slight pain.

With a grin and smirk, they started moving in tandem. Your body almost couldn’t take the immense pleasure you were feeling.

“I could get used to this,” Ransom remarked.

“Well, we have the week,” Steve breathed past your ear.

Both kept at it until they came in you twice. You nearly passed out after your twelfth orgasm.

“Rest kitten,” Ransom purred as you finally gave in to your exhaustion.

  “The bride took to our seed,” Steve reported to Director Pierce.

“Good. We found their parents along with the rest of the resistance.” Pierce imparted.

Steve scowled at the information.

You and your friend, Isabeau, were the only ones to survive the Eve Project. HYDRA wanted to genetically groom compatible brides for their top soldiers. You were promised to Steve and Ransom and your friend to Bucky and Sam. Both of you were whisked away to another Earth by the resistance and your treacherous parents.

Now you were back where you belong.

“When do we leave?” Ransom growled.

“Once Strange and Wanda crack the protection spell. In the meantime, enjoy your bride.” Pierce turned to leave, but stopped before turning off the screen,” I want to see some little ones soon.”

[tricksters-captain]

Benny Watts/The Queens Gambit imagines - From Pawn to Pen Part 4

AN: I’m sorry I missed posting last week. I’m currently going through a hard break up and it’s really taking a lot of energy out of me so I struggle to write at the moment. 

Overall Summary: You’re a young journalist for Chess Review, with a love for chess and a desire for knowledge. One day at a tournament, you come across the famous Benny Watts...

In this chapter: You return to Boston for the week. 

(PART 1) (PART 2) (PART 3)

Pairing(s): Benny Watts x Fem!reader

Word Count: 1,940

Warnings: Some strong language

You smiled as you looked at the copies of ‘Chess Review’ on the racks. 

Your first front page piece for Chess Review. 

They had used one of the pictures of Benny that you had taken at the hotel and you were pretty proud of your photography skills. 

You picked up a copy and took it inside to pay for it. 

On second thought, you picked up two so you could mail one to Angelie. 

You left the store quickly after and started to walk back to your apartment. 

Boston was busier than you had remembered and you finally had some time to sort out the apartment after your article went down well with the big man. 

You opened the door to your apartment and put down your groceries on the kitchen counter top. 

The last tenant hadn’t left the place in too bad a state, just a carpet stain here and there and a broken lamp. 

You had bought some paint to redecorate your living room and bedroom since it seemed too boring after where you lived in Paris. You had spent the last couple days painting and then you finally left to go check out your title page. 

The books that Benny had given you were still on your small two person dining room table where you had left them when you first got back. You looked over at them and furrowed your brow as you thought about whether you are actually going to bother to read them or not. 

Your phone started to ring and your frown disappeared when you realised it was probably Angelie. No one else had your number besides your work. 

“Hello?” You answered it, taking the phone off the wall as you leant beside it. 

“Miss (Y/L/N)?” You’d recognise that voice anywhere after listening to it so much over the last tournament. 

“Benny Watts?” You asked, almost in shock. 

“Have you read those books I leant you yet?” He asked, not even bothering to confirm it was him. 

“It’s been four days.” You told him flatly. 

“You could’ve easily gotten through at least two of them by now.” Benny challenged you which caused you to shake your head (even though he couldn’t see). 

“You know, Benny Watts, I do have a life to live.” You defended yourself to which Benny found amusing. 

“So, you’re back in Boston since you picked up this phone.” Benny changed the subject completely. 

“How did you even get this number?” You asked, genuinely curious and a little worried. 

“You really think Chess Review won’t hand over your telephone number to their favourite US chess player?” 

“You got it from Beth Harmon then?”  You teased the boy to which he responded with a dry laughter. 

“Ha Ha. Very funny.” Benny retorted, “If you’re in Boston, it means you currently aren’t working. Fancy an educational trip to New York City?” 

“Benny, I told you. I’m not coming to New York.” You reminded him about how you declined previously when he asked. 

“Come on, just for the weekend? We’ll play some chess, do some tourist shit and eat some food?” Benny asked, trying his best to persuade you Benny Watts style. 

“I’ve also told you before that I don’t play.” You felt a small bubble of excitement in your stomach as you considered going to New York but you quickly squashed it down. 

“What are you afraid of?” Benny asked. Deja Vu. 

“Why are you pushing this?” You closed your eyes as you let your head roll back to press against the wall. 

“Because I see that same light that’s in Beth Harmon, that’s in every decent chess player when you see a chess board.” Benny confessed to you. 

“I’m sorry, Benny. You’ll just have to find someone else to play with. I don’t want to be apart of this little game.” You hung up the phone with a sad sigh before Benny could respond. 

You found yourself looking at the books again. 

You picked up Benny’s and you opened it...

“I’ve been waiting all day for your call.” You half scolded Angelie as you answered the call. 

You heard Angelie’s laughter through the phone and it made you home sick. 

“Je suis désolé!” Angie apologised. “This new project has me so busy, constantly on set, costume changes, make up changes, redoing scene..!” 

“It sounds awful.”  You chuckled, 

“It is! You wouldn’t understand... You’re just a big time American journalist.” Angelie pouted. “Anyway, how are you?” 

“I’m okay.” You lied. 

“Menteuse!” Angelie called you out. “Tell me the truth. What is bothering you, Mon Cher?” 

“Benny Watts called me today.” You had filled her in on the tournament with him once you had first arrived back in Boston and she had already previously told you off for not taking his offer to New York. 

“He did?!” Angie gasped. 

“Yes, he did. He got my number through work and called me to ask if I had read the books he gave me which I haven’t because it’s been less than a week since. the tournament.” You explained. 

“That boy is in love with you, I am telling you now.” Angie was always the hopeless romantic type. It’s how she has had her heart broke so many times. 

“The boy wants to play chess with me to assert his masculine dominance over me and boost his ego with an easy win.” You argued. 

“You are always so negative about men! You hardly know this one!” Angelie groaned. 

“He’s Benny Watts. That’s all I need to know.” 

“I think you should go to New York and meet with him.” Angelie told you. You hadn’t even informed her about the fact he asked you again. 

“I think I should stay here and enjoy my first weekend off in six months.” You shook your head at the idea. 

“(Y/n), you only live once and how many girls are invited to New York by the Benny Watts?!” 

“Probably quite a lot.” You knew Angie was only trying to hype you up but you couldn’t help but knock her down. 

“Even if that is so. You could probably get another article out of it. Benny Watts and his life in the big apple?” Angie suggested. 

“I’m sure ‘LIFE’ has already done that piece before.” You pushed another idea aside. 

“Trust me, (Y/n). You need to stop being so afraid of the unknown and who knows, maybe you’ll enjoy yourself?” Angelie had had enough of the negativity from you at this point. 

There was a sudden knock at your door. 

“I’m sorry, Angie. Someone’s just knocked on my door, I’ll have to call you back.” You looked over at your front door and wondered who it could be. 

“Ça va. Call me back!” She told you as the knock occurred again. 

“Je t'aime.” You hung the phone back up on the wall and went over to your door. 

You opened it and you felt your face go white at the sight of who stood there. 

“Jesus, you look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Benny Watts. 

BENNY WATTS.

“What the hell are you doing here?” You asked him. 

“Well,  you wouldn’t come to me so I came to you.” Benny shrugged. 

“You can’t just stalk someone. This isn’t okay. This isn’t cute!” You were bewildered. 

“This isn’t stalking. It’s simply coming to Boston to visit a friend.” He defended himself as he stood out in the hallway. 

“I wouldn’t call us friends, Benny.” You scoffed. 

“Ouch.” Benny put his hand on his heart. 

You went to close your door on him but Benny stopped you. 

“Wait.” He pleaded. His cocky demeanour suddenly dropped. “Look, I know this is weird but I really wanted to see you.” Benny started to explain. 

“I––” He cut you short. 

“–– This isn’t some game. I just want to help you. I want you to play chess again. I want you to play with me.” Benny stayed with his hand against the door and his foot in the gap as he spoke. 

“This is crazy, Benny.” You told him, your eyes locked on his as you felt your heart race. 

“I know.” Benny stepped back. “I’m staying in the hotel down the block. I’ll be here all weekend. If you don’t want to see me, then don’t. But if you change your mind. I’ll be around.” 

You watched him back away from the door and head back down the stairs. 

Benny fucking Watts. 

You rushed back to the phone and dialled Angelie’s number. 

“Bonjour?” She answered, 

“You’ll never guess who was at the door.” 

You ended up tossing and turning all night. 

You caved in at around 3am and started to read Benny’s book again. 

You finished it by the time the sun was rising. 

You had a cold shower to wake you up at around 9am and then you stared in the mirror as the thoughts racked your brain. 

You walked over to your chess set that rested on the dresser top and you took it over to your bed, opening it up. 

You set up the board and stared at it.  

You picked up the queen. The same queen that Benny had held in the photo you took. 

You caved. 

You dressed and did simple make up before heading to the hotel that Benny had told you he was staying. 

“I’m looking for Mr Benny Watts.” You asked the elderly lady at the front desk. 

“He’s staying in room 306 but I’m almost certain I saw him leave about an hour ago for breakfast.” She informed you. 

You thanked her then sighed. 

You left the hotel lobby and started down the street. There was plenty of places to eat around the hotel, you almost considered just waiting in the lobby for him to return. 

Then you saw it. 

Through a window of a small diner. 

The famous black hat. 

You pushed open the diner door and walked towards the booth where Benny was sat. 

He had his back to you but he didn’t seem surprised to see you when you sat down opposite him.  

“Morning.” He greeted you as he munched on some pancakes. 

“I won’t play chess with you.” You stated. “I won’t play chess with you but I will spend the weekend with you and you can talk about it.”

Benny remained silent as his brown eyes watched you carefully. 

“I finished your book.” You told him. “I'm ready to learn.” 

Benny placed his knife and fork down, picking up the napkin beside his plate to wipe his mouth. 

“Great.” He nodded, interlinking his fingers above his food as he elbows rested on the table.  “Let’s begin.” 

(WHAT HAPPENS NEXT HERE)

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[lilmajorshawty]

The Signs Vs The Houses Sun Edition 🎇

Sun In Aries Vs Sun In First House: 

(Pantheon God Ares Vs Lucifer Morning Star.)

Sun in Aries: Pantheon God Ares

Song: _By. Alexander - Trumpets Ft 070Shake

These Natives don’t readily showcase their independent traits outright but their intensity is actively expressed in different ways from one another almost like reverse parts of a long mirror. Sun in Aries natives are actively nonchalant, impartial and seemingly low energy to those who don’t know their outward appearance is merely a facade. Aries suns aren’t readily expresses of their more generic traits, their impulsive nature is often hidden underneath their calm demeanor. unlike sun in the 1st housers Aries suns are good at playing into a more watered down version of themselves if it serves to aid the type of reaction they will get from the audience of their choice. They much like Pisces can be deceptively charming, disarming and tremendously jovial but underneath this lay a impulsive, reactive and swift minded individual. Aries suns are more observant than they are open warfare types, meaning that their darker side is something revealed in quiet privacy. They are in actuality very polite and keep much of their outward passions in check as to not alert others of their intentions before the Aries sun native has already assessed the consequences their potential action might bring. They are tactitions  in nature much like the war god ares, much of their actions are weighed and planned. much is done in secrecy or in the safety net of a desired outcome for them. They naturally seem disinterested or bored by their surroundings but can also have a testy, or rather flighty energy around being in spaces for longer than they intended. Their frigidity nature is a reflection of mars needing to be in control but the rather prideful way of the sun itself not liking to seem overly brash in order to seem regal. in this sense the sun and mars are in conflict for sun in Aries so they in turn prefer to keep their shadow face a bit more slow burn than people can perceive it to be. Aries suns are sweet and ardent but they can sometimes struggle with telling the truth, unlike their moon counterpart. Aries sun in a more masculine spirit Tends to be the most immature with their desires, mainly being self invested. Aries sun in feminine spirit tends to be most immature with their sexuality, readily wanting to claim the sexual limelight due to their appetite for admiration. on two sides of the coin underdeveloped Aries suns within masculine energy can struggle to see the world beyond “their” needs and “their” wants, the feminine can struggle to separate their over identification with physical gratification making them seem jealous and gluttonous for attention to those looking from the outside in.They are passionate but narcissistic. They care about those closest to them but they also battle between love for others and love for the self. Aries suns are in a never ending battle with the concept of I and how the I relates to Others. Aries sun signs definitely live by the “apart of my tribe” mentality and usually have a hard time dealing with outsiders. That being said they are a thousand times more tame then most give them credit for and only those who have been around the natives for long can ever really see their darker nature that they prefer to keep under raps. Aries suns are very loving nonetheless and dare i say the most emotionally affectionate of the fire suns. They genuinely do try for those they carefor and they honestly live by a strong code of right or wrong. despite what they might want they always recognize whether or not the action they plan on committing is morally correct or morally incorrect.

Sun in the First house: Lucifer Morningstar

Song: _By.Alexander - Stalling 

Sun in the 1st Housers are quite different in terms of their immediate personality traits, because unlike Aries suns they are not under the space of just mars depending on what their sun sign is already in. rather they are swimming in the pool of mars while wearing their sun sign. Sun in the 1st house natives can be Intense, cynical, Dark and brooding. They have this perceptiveness about the world around them that can seem unnerving. People are in their eyes to comfortable with stillness and it bothers them, as they are mentally just as much as physically always moving, 100 steps ahead of everyone. To many this may seem like a blessing but it’s a curse for these natives as it creates a constant inner and outer need for chaos in some way. They want to maintain a certain level of opposition and transformation in themselves and in the environments they find themselves in. For them things could always be rearranged and redone and the more stagnant the view things the more unhappy they become as they see peace as a reflection of “lack” in themselves. in those with a masculine spirit sun in the 1st house can make them impatient, aggressive, aloof and cold in its worst but brave, perceptive, kind and generous in its healthy state. In those with feminine spirit it can make them cutthroat, rigid, blinded by the self and confrontational in its worst but vibrant, childlike, bold, and sharp of mind in its healthier state. Unlike sun in Aries these natives aren't impressed or worried about how they interact with others.  These natives can seem dismissive or uninterested in people mainly because they are only impressed by people with “strength” in the manner of which they perceive strength to look like. much like Lucifer these natives live in the dark and admire those who have suffered or experienced the trenches of life only to rise from its ashes without a single complaint. to them people who can fight without seeking coddling or attention for those struggles are attractive and relatable. people who are attention seekers, overly emotional or dependent are typically what these natives avoid or tend to be the coldest towards. The reason being is that these natives underneath their cold and rather independent face are deeply sensitive and receptive to the feelings of others, but when they were young this receptiveness was often taken advantage of by the world around them. people ate these natives up and forced them to build their own personal hell to build themselves in, because in their eyes the only hell scarier then the one someone makes for you is the one you make for yourself. These natives are ambitious but also deeply full of life and vigor but to those who don’t know them deeper you may never know that beneath this light lay very serious and steady individuals willing to do whatever it takes to survive. these natives are constantly interchanging between Life and Death.

Sun In Taurus Vs Sun In The Second House:

(Artemis vs Higher Angel Metatron.)

Sun in Taurus: Artemis

Song: Ama Lou - Wires 

sun in Taurus natives often represented by the bull are deserving of their steady and rather slow moving personality traits..Though in conjunction one might add in their mental gymnastics that put even the mighty Aquarius, Gemini, Libra Air trinity to shame. These natives are tremendously intellectual, they see and feel everything out just as much as they add a thick layer of rationality and logic to it. To them anything and everything can go wrong and most likely is so they tend to present themselves in a more compartmentalized way as to prevent this. on one hand they are solid and sensual in their approach to life, on the other they are distrusting and closed to outsiders. they value a certain level of work ethic in others and that is typically what softens their heart as opposed to be overly nice or suckups. they tend to be intense and insatiable but these traits are hidden underneath their polite and soft toned Venus haze. For Taurus, Venus serves merely as a cloudy ethereal presence rather than a solid body like it does for Libras which is genuinely why the two are so similar yet so deeply different. Taurus suns value a calm serenity but they value an authentic air to cultivate such serenity whereas Libras value the serenity that is without to much heaviness or demand. Taurus suns are naturally stable and patient folk, not much moves them out of character and once it does all of the magma and debris flies into the sky like radiating solar flares. These natives are insanely aware of themselves and the actions and motives of said actions of others. to them intimacy through the physical realm is the only real way to see someone and in a sense for them touch is their language. these natives are lovers of sex but contrary to belief Taurus suns just like Scorpio sun see sex a soul transaction rather than just “sex.” to them being able to meet every individual layer of a person beyond what they present is true understanding. Scorpios suns look to sex as a emotional collaboration of wounds and vulnerabilities whilst Taurus suns on the yang side of that spectrum look at sex as a Physical collaboration of involved and aware relinquishing of the self in its physical form to another. For Taurus suns they find themselves trapped between the concept of “what do they mean to me vs what do i mean to them.” this mentality often creates a emotional nature that causes them pain in life as they never really know when to let go of people, they hold onto people out of a fear of losing something important to them on a mentally materialistic plane. The men tend to handle the Taurus sun the worst as it often brings out a vain and rather expansive nature that is centered around using their possessions as lay way for their self worth. to them in their worse state their material possessions and their bodies become nothing more than tokens to scale their level of self worth which they ultimately base in the opinions of complete strangers. Taurus women/feminine energy folk tend to handle the energy well, mainly embracing their sensuality and sexuality although sometimes falling prey to their bullheaded and rather single minded advances towards life at times. in their best they can be captivating, preserving, and deeply empathetic of the woes and demons of others taking them on fearlessly. Taurus suns greatest foe as well as their biggest give away is their single-minded nature, once something catches their eye it becomes a mission, a life purpose and at times an obsession.

Sun In the Second House: Higher Angel Metatron 

song: Ama Lou- This Town

For second house sun natives their similarities can often times shadow them after Taurus mainly due to the very calm and rather steady disposition they naturally posses. That being said much like the angel metatron as mentioned in text they have a far more raw energy that ensnares people to them like a spider web. They often times maintain a cool distance emotionally from those around them as to never reveal their inner thoughts but this at times gives them a much darker shade then Taurus suns as they are not as nearly well meaning in their observations of others. these natives are insanely perceptive but they tend to use this perceptiveness to read the crowd so to speak. many of us may struggle to adapt to every personality in the room or shift personas as a means of getting from point A to B in an unwanted interaction where as Second house sun natives can shift personas as will due to their gift for micro analysis. They can read a room, the people and the energy of each individual from mere glances and that makes them incredibly charming but also a tad unreadable as much of what they are showing is far away from what they truly feel. These natives are powerful in the sense that they have a vision that Taurus suns are themselves afraid to truly use. You see second house suns are often in control of their environment because they alter themselves in the necessary form needed to gain the upper hand.Many of them do well in performance art like acting because it allows them to convey their inner world without letting on its source. They often times shy away from commitments as they require the natives to be the real self vs the self they cultivate. Unlike Taurus suns who operate authentically these natives operate in a way that fits the authentic need of the people without having to give up any of their real ego. These natives also aren’t as caught up in the materialistic side of life rather they are obsessed with their self esteem and how that self esteem is equated in the real world around them. For them their biggest fear is being misused or taken advantage of and very often so life puts them in a situation where this happens to teach them a level of boundaries between themselves and that of the people who surround them. They tend to be highly passive when it comes to loss in their life. they factor the loss of people whether by death or by them leaving one another’s life as just another one of the misfortunes of the world, in their eyes it can’t be avoided and is an eventuality but even so they must continue to move forward with or without others. This trait alone separates them from their Taurus sun counterparts. They value people who are gentle and preserving but these people albeit their perfect match tend to scare sun in the second house natives the most as the idea of someone who will love them fully disgust them in a way, mainly because deep down these natives don’t truly identify with their need to be accepted and loved because it is devoured by their need to move forward at all cost. these natives teeter between the collective vs the self and often find themselves inevitably choosing the self yet resenting the loneliness that follows suite

Sun In Gemini Vs Sun In The Third House:

(The Devil Vs Satan)

Sun In Gemini: The Devil

Song: Kendrick Lamar - U

These Natives often receive much bad mouthing and malice as their traits are normally misunderstood or mis-identified as Gemini itself being a mutable sign makes it a sign that mirrors energy that is given to it onto the person sending the energy. Gemini Suns on their own are outwardly controlled and restless but internally they are a landscape of thoughts, that multiply and divide like the cells in the human body. They are like compact computers in this sense because their mental scape at times is carrying Gigabytes upon gigabytes of thought process.They are living in a busy head-space often so much of their day to day involves them tussling with their voices and which side to listen to, which one to ignore, which to dive into and so on. This is often why these natives Live for interaction and communication, the less mental release the darker the head-space and the darker the head-space the more dangerous the Gemini. The lack of stimulation can present itself as addictions, self destructive behavior and outright hatred that seems to have no source. these natives more than most feed of human contact, it provides them a way to see beyond their mind and peer into another’s for a moment of relief. Gemini suns are very tender and affectionate, often loving physical sensations as they bring new understandings and mental curiosity to the native. they often adore sex but not for the act itself but for the many sides of sex, the control, the lack of it, the passion and the lack of it, the intimacy and the lack of it, the desire and also the lack of it, to these natives they all swirl around like aspects of a cocktail. lying and creating chaos is an aspect of their two headed serpent like nature but often times the shadow self of the Gemini is the most damaged version of themselves hidden away to maintain a level of sanity for the Gemini twin in charge. Gemini sun tend to have this dualistic side to them that can sometimes present itself as real bipolar disorder but this is not something that can be applied to realism as all astrology really is, is a map for better self understanding. These natives at times fluctuate between moments of peace and moments of chaos depending on which twin makes it’s appearance.  Much like the Devil these natives can carry a sharp and mischievous tone but they can also have an angelic and rather childish youth to them that is so promising and inviting like white wine underneath dying autumn leaves as summer turns to fall. They represent a deep darkness in humanity whilst also representing the angel the devil was before he fell out of grace. Gemini suns are radiating with knowledge and tid bits that could unsettle the world but they never read the whole story, the whole scripture, they hang on to the small details and create a world around it. Gemini suns tend to struggle in their early years due to the push and pull dynamic of the angel and demon complex and at times a state of passivity is reached where they could care less either way how and what is effected by their actions. These natives despite their struggles are enterprising and gifted with an intellect beyond comprehension. They masculine and feminine energy tend to struggle with this placement as it naturally represents both in both energies. much like the devil they have a rather gender less energy when it comes to the world around them which is often why many Gemini suns are bisexual or pansexual as their desires are often times less about the physical and more about the mental. they can seem to be a chameleon  due to how easily they can shift in and out of personalities but ultimately they aren’t so much so becoming someone else, they’re becoming the other twin. The secondary Gemini face is unlike the devil it is angelic and curious, innocent and loving but it’s pitfall is wrath and spite. As im sure these are traits you would apply to the devil no? well in this case the angelic Gemini twin wears them as a means of not handling their wounds properly. Gemini suns unlike most people put their hurt away by passing it on to the other twin who soaks it like a sponge, as a result over the years whenever the twin rears it’s head and is mistreated as a defense mechanism it reacts in these darker toned ways that can at times be devoid of humanity due to that twin being so lacking in interaction with people. Gemini suns often struggle with the inner and outer mind. for them they desperately search for a mental release of some form and often times it takes precedence over all things no matter how grounded the Gemini Sun. a never ending therapy session full of broadness and intellectual depth is their dream as in their most vulnerable state they desperately want to be seen, not just as one face but both faces.

Sun In the Third House: Satan

Song: Kendrick Lamar- Untitled 07(Levitate) 

These natives can only be described as isolated princesses & Prince solemnly watching the world circle around their creations and crafts like moths to a flame. They are so vastly different from their counterparts in the sense that for them the world is more like a game then it is a cage. They are savvy, quick of wit and naturally street smart. Many of them prance through the world as if they’ve lived in the projects, the ghetto, or the slums as it is what allows them to use the more scarce methods, having very little and even in some cases building from ash and managing to create whole empires in the place of it.  To them the concept of “lack” fuels their desire to expand the concept of having nothing. To them the world is built upon fallacies and they wish to unsheathe them by playing into the role of the underdog, the follower or the easy going lover and friend until they ultimately get to the place they had been dying to reach only to sever ties, turn on, vilify or in some cases tear down those who helped them get there. Now to many of you this may sound like an evil way to get by in the world but you must understand unlike Gemini suns these natives don’t live solely in the mind rather they live in the minds of others, to them their life’s purpose is understanding the patterns and desires of others so they themselves can mold themselves into those desires, so they can predict those patterns..all of it is like chess. For them to have the higher ground on the world at large plays into their need to remain ambiguous and Elite. The masculine and feminine much Like Gemini sun present themselves as the gender or energy type that suites them at the moment. You need them to be passive? they already closed their mouth and you haven’t released you already called all the shots..you want them to be passionate and aggressive, they’ve already controlled the day, they’ve changed the way they grip you, the way they lock eyes with you..these natives can be anything, anyone..because for them the art of playing to an illusion is a survival tactic one the learn at an early age to cultivate otherwise the world will defeat them and that is something they just cannot allow much like the concept of the world peaks Satan curiosity he must constantly venture, among the people to understand them as a means of never losing, never falling short or missing a step at watching the creations of the man he despises so dearly evolve. These natives are alluring, sweet, loving but in many ways they can seem missing, far away and sometimes unavailable both emotionally and physically. the reason being is that unlike Gemini suns these natives do not need to be heard, they need to be ahead and once they feel tied or held down by something they’ve already fleshed out and had their time with their restless need to be ahead comes out and they soon gravitate their focus elsewhere. Their constantly at war with the concept of Do i understand it all vs do i understand enough at all?

Sun In Cancer Vs Sun In The Fourth House:

(Arch Angel Gabriel Vs The Deity Tsukuyomi)

Sun In Cancer: Arch Angel Gabriel 

Song: Daughter - Amsterdam 

These natives contrary to belief are not as lacking in emotional awareness nor are they as gullible as other might like to believe them to be. One of the most frightening traits of cancer Sun’s is their ability to emotionally detach from people and situations in a rather abrupt manner. These natives are emotive but in some ways the emotions aren’t always backing the action. Cancer suns fall into the behavior of sometimes being nice for being nice’s sake and often times care more about the feelings of others than they do themselves. In more underdeveloped masculine energies this can rear it’s head as emotional narcissism, thinking the whole room revolves around their feelings and their feelings only, leaving everyone else to have to play pick up the pieces for someone who refuses to take accountability. in some of the even lesser versions this can cause manipulation of the emotional variety, using someones vulnerability as a weapon  are sometimes tactics of masculine energy cancers and Feminine energy cancers who failed to acknowledge the skeletons in their own closet. Cancer suns often remind me of Gabriel in the sense that they carry his will of doing what is needed rather than what is wanted. Cancer Suns understand the difference between need and want and often times center their life around such inclinations. To them everyone no matter where they come from desires things they don’t truly need and fortify things they want only for a moment. As a result cancer suns tend to prioritize people, things and places under the laws of what they need and what they want and often times they can turn a cold shoulder to the things they feel are momentary even if it’s a person. Cancer Suns can be powerful, enigmatic and divinely feminine no matter their gender due to their inner desire to nurture and care for others, no matter how underdeveloped or developed these natives are the desire to protect and care for others is their base setting. Many as they age become more and more like their mother, often adopting the qualities they admired most and showcasing the negative ones when under stress or moments of trauma. These natives are deeply loving and caring and at times this gets taken advantage of but only briefly as Cancer suns are almost Demonically vindictive. The natives see colors on people and tend to be highly spiritually perceptive of auras and presence within people without even exchanging words. They tend to be closed when it comes to their feelings and contrary to social media cancer Suns do not express their inner feelings readily, much like a crab they withhold and protect their underbelly often coming towards things in a side to side manner much like a crab Even more so when they are a Cancer Rising. They tend to only really open their souls to those precious to them and often times when Cancer Sun’s feel they’ve over shared they retreat and often times disappear unless reassured that the person is kind and honest. Cancer Suns despise fakes and those who are emotionally careless and rude so often times they can become dismissive and down right aggressive in an almost warrior like way when confronted by rudeness or self centered behavior. Cancer Suns have a pronounced sexuality, as they represent femininity in it’s motherly form they often embody it’s glow and sway whilst remaining Innocent and seemingly unknowing. Cancer Sun’s often become more balanced as they age as many of them see their progressed sun move into Leo which aids with the confidence and the ability to balance out their darker head spaces that arise emotionally. They can have Strong emotions and because of this in some cases some people with this placement can struggle with such things such as depression and and or manic depression, that being said this is not a product of having sun in cancer, this can happen to anyone. Cancer Suns do have fluctuating emotional states that can fly between happy weeks and months to times of solemn and lethargic states and this is often more so seen in all cancer Suns no matter whether they are in a good place or bad. the key for them is to learn identification so that way they can deal with the emotion when it comes and let it run it’s course without submerging themselves in it. Cancer suns often battle with the concept of Nurture Vs Nature. To them they feel as if it’s their divine purpose to care for others, and they feel like people should be caring enough to consider more than just themselves but in truth the world isn’t always like that and some people are indeed selfish and often times this realization of self motivation perplexes Cancer suns because on a deeper level they don’t know how to disconnect from their need to solely focus on the well being of others whilst also worrying about their own health and emotional well being.

Sun In The Fourth House: The Deity Tsukuyomi

Song: Daughter - Numbers

Ah These natives are truly a never ending Dream starting so pleasant and continuously transitioning like phases of the moon into A nightmare, a sunset, a wet dream, a night terror over and over.These natives are Vague in their difference From their sun counterpart. They seem Emotional and Actually are just as emotional as their actions give way for them to be. But in reverse order these natives do sentimental actions in seldom as they prefer to hide their softer side and present a more aloof front. Unlike Cancer suns the idea of being nice for the sake of it isn’t their forte, rather niceness that is earned is more their language. they admire a certain level of genuine feeling but despise it at the same time due to the roller coaster it sends them on. They often remind me of the Japanese God Tsukuyomi for their tenacity, their often proud and pious nature that dare i say is more Leo archetype than Leo is itself. These natives are proud of their home, to them home is a castle but oddly enough a castle they can’t stand to stay in for to long. They are not homebodies and in many cases tend to see a desire for exploration outside their home towns and often times the countries itself. These natives suffer from emotionally impulsive streaks, often entangling themselves in situations without guarding their heart because unlike Cancer suns these natives have no emotional awareness, they play everything by ear including their heart and that often throws them in an inescapable abyss that tends to devour them. Though these natives are kind at times they are also pompous, they are loving but they’re selfish about how this love is expressed. They want everything on their time often forgetting about the emotional side of things for other people and this is where they get in trouble and why people at times find them overbearing or unreachable. These natives are passionate and insanely creative, often the magnitude of this creativity as limitless as their reservoir of emotion. They wear everything loudly but also hide parts that they need when it’s convenient.  these natives are rather childlike in their personality due to the fact that they don’t care much if their blatant about their disinterest or lack of concern and dare i say this is one of their worst and best traits. They don’t fake it and love or hate them they don’t give a shit. They can be tremendously spiteful though which is even more so pronounced in the feminine energy than it is the masculine. Their struggle lies in the concept of To Have and Not to have, they often times fall prey to the desire to feast and never end never once realizing that once it’s all gone they’ll have nothing. They also fail sometimes to except that just because they want to have something the other person or people in question do not also have to want it and this at times is where they minds clash, because they genuinely do not understand why people are not seeing it their way. Their moods are worse than cancer suns due to the fact that they are not aware of they are having them, this means that they can fly into a mean state without realizing they’ve shifted and this at times can make them seem far more unpredictable then they mean to be. These natives are so loving and genuinely do mean well but their ego does get the best of them with this placement quite a bit.

Sun In Leo Vs Sun In The Fifth House:

(The Sun God Ra Vs The God Of Destruction Shiva)

Sun In Leo: The Sun God Ra

Song: Empress of - Should’ve 

In Certain Ways one can always find themselves confused at the hands of Leo Suns, As direct, Honest and bold as they may be parts of their personality are layered in rather elusive undertones. Leo suns are typically Vibrant, confident souls who march to the beat of their own blazing chariot and drum to match, but much of this bravado is burning so fervently as a means of hiding the softer and in many ways more docile side of these native. They pursue life in a zesty and at times rather emotionally flighty manner as to not ruffle the feathers of those who can’t keep up with them though they can’t help but relish in the fact that they themselves create energy and disperse it where ever they go and not one person can take that away from them. Despite this though Leo suns battle with their Ego on a daily basis and it’s a battle they don’t show the world. Much to their lament their heart at times has a goal of it’s own and no matter how hard they try to live by the flame eventually their flames seethe and reveal their true nature which is much more unsure, much more sentimental and compassionate. Leo Suns are deeply feeling and them being a fixed sign makes these emotions hit like an entire solar system when it happens. Though they hate to admit it they are sensitive, they want to be loved and seen authentically but are also scared of this vulnerability. For the masculine energy this can cause a flighty nature especially in the realm of the heart. Many masculine Leo’s will brake up or pull the “it’s a little too much for me” “ i think maybe we should take a brake” “i want to keep things casual,” approach with romance and things can be going great, marriage worthy and suddenly they pull out. Why? well Leo suns in their masculine spirit are deeply fearful of their feminine side, to them the idea of submission in any form even if it’s to their own heart is a weakness and one they would rather avoid. When this happens they trick themselves into becoming more sexual, more in need of the bachelor life style when in reality they know deep down they want your love, to be loved and accepted whole beyond the meaningless ass kissing they receive. This back and forth nature of their’s does continue sometimes but once they truly open their heart their love is that of a thousand burning blue suns turning the most tremendous white. For them love is their weakness and they seek to present this strong and rather disconnected stance for as long as they can because to them maintaining that powerful and free energy is their soul and to give up their soul for love is their destiny albeit one they detest. These natives are insanely willful and will fight tooth and nail to create, explore and build no matter the obstacle but that being said these natives battle their need to “escape” which can often lead them into addictive behavior as they need to run away from the feeling especially once the flames start to die down. These natives tend to be emotionally unavailable and give everyone the most calm and yet sincere showing of love but underneath i promise their is a depth and well of passion. In the feminine Leo energy is calm and proud but it is also more in-tune with the need for emotion and softness despite the universal Leo energy need for emotional tightness as to not show the world their hide. These natives often struggle with the Theme of Acknowledgement vs Rejection. For them the idea of acknowledging a weakness, a love or a vulnerability is death for them so as a result they reject it for as long as they can however they can and in this process they destroy themselves and the relationships they hold dear. they spend much time wrapped in the concept of accepting the way the feel and not running away from the side of the selves that isn’t shrouded in those glamorous flames. They are caring beyond belief despite the way those flames may fool the world, And dare i say out of many of the signs Leo Sun’s genuinely have hearts of gold in every way. Though Much Like Ra these natives are seen by many under many guises and faces many of which are farther away from the true kinded hearted soul underneath that truly is as radiant as the sun.

Sun In The Fifth House: The God Of Destruction Shiva

Song: Empress Of - Need Myself 

These Natives are quite the storm of Passion and at times this can be the very damning thing in their life. These natives live by the code of fire and tend to burn and burn never realizing their flames are eating up those they care-fore just as much as their foes. They tend to be Patronizing, Domineering, Physical, animated, Passionate and driven Though at times they loose sight of those who marched with them once the goal is reached. They Adore gratification but also don’t believe others deserve it out of their idea of what it looks like to dig fingers in the dirt for something. They believe in fighting for the just things but in saying this they themselves resent people who need to feel honored for doing such a thing. See these natives despise yet love praise, to them praise feels like honey and milk but has the after taste of cleaning solution and dirt. They want to feel needed but despite co-dependence. they want to feel it all but get lost in the feeling. for them their world is one big cyclone of events they just happen to take part in but they also don’t enjoy the drama that comes along with it though it secretly fuels them. to them life is to be tamed and those who are tamed by it are simply unlucky. They value intimacy above all else because in their eyes real intimacy cannot be faked, but they have a tendency to over identify with sex and intimacy almost using it as a bargain when in reality sex and intimacy are simply a pleasant moment between people. These natives can at times be addicted to the chaos and the negligence though they try to mask it as a pursuit of fun and liveliness. Much like Shiva these natives Believe that in order to create things must be tore the fuck up in order for them to really ever be real. The arguments, the tears, the ups and downs make it real for them and usually the lack of it can drive them mad. They prioritize their romances because that’s in a sense their focal point, their sun, their divine purpose but as you can imagine it is also their worst trait as it makes them incredibly insatiable for love but it also damages them greatly when they are alone without love in life. in Feminine energy the pursuit for love isn’t as all consuming and many focus more on their art and the beauties of children and theater many times over these natives live in the club as if it is some gorgeous ballroom whilst others paint and dance as if they where in a room with all the may gods. Masculine energies tend to be on the hunt for something, be it sex, be it themselves, be it a mighty battle to delight in they constantly pursue their own ideal of the sun no matter the activity in question. These natives tend to show all their rawness even their heart because unlike Leo suns they are not fearful of their deeper emotions which is a blessing and curse at times. They tend to battle against Wrath and Happiness. For them a constant state of turmoil is their fuel but the idea of happiness in its all scares them as they fear it will bring stagnancy and boredom along with it. they want to maintain their circulation of storms and tribulations and at times happiness intimidates them as it represents completion and often times completion is not yet what they desire. 

Sun In Virgo Vs Sun In The Sixth House:

(Death God Iku Vs King Yan God of Death, Of The Ten Kings Of Hell)

Sun In Virgo: Death God Iku

Song: Brent Faiyaz- Make Luv

Sun in Virgo natives aren’t so much as something you can readily identify, they are not necessarily a thing as much as they are a what. They feel good, but they also surround you like a presence rather than a physical being. They often times feel like something carnal and ethereal but at the same time gravitate away from this by their realistic and rather internally discontent energy. They seem like they are just moving through the world, like a child who found out Santa was nothing more than a fable.They want and need to be needed but this desire is rooted in their early understanding of relevance being tied to usefulness. To be relied on is better than sex for them as it feeds their inner desire to be needed. Though we say this one might also call this their greatest weakness as their dependency on being needed swarms their lives into situations that allow them to be used and rather than be sad about it they seek out more situations until these woes mount a rather steep hill deep in their psyche. They often suffer from their fair share of demons because of their blind ignorance to their own pain, to them the pain is merely a small price to pay for those small moments of being needed, being useful in that moment they are seen more than any hug, child, parental love or sexual liaison can provide. Much Like Iku these natives live amongst the shadows as a presence, fading in and out of situations like a black smoke. They love the idea of being around others but they secretly loathe it as deep down they feel the attention is swirling away from them. most feminines with this placement suffer immensely as they struggle to separate being needed from being used and separating love from hate.To them the occasional grips outlast the major ones but in reality the small ones are the ones that leave the deepest wounds, while the big ones just leave a gaping hole that was already their to begin with.They admire work ethic and creativity in others as its something they too seek to connect with but they often burn out constantly due to their lack of emotional focus. they often jump in and out of happy and down periods with the down periods out weighing the happy ones due to them not genuinely pursuing their own vices of their own free will. though they care for others they don’t really love themselves which is many times over why they purposely play the game of how long can i rip myself apart subconsciously as they systematically replay the same scenarios with the same ending. Sex is another dimension to Virgo suns, they much Like Gemini Suns see it as a curiosity but due to their earthy component the curiosity instantly dies as soon as their sensual mind catches up with what is really happening. They want and need mental as well as true physical compatibility which can only happen when they align themselves with their emotional self. This circus act tends to continue as the biggest struggle for this sign is My pain vs your pain dynamics. They never know when to draw the line and ultimately they get eaten up by it. The masculines suffer the greatest as they are prone to holding on to their past hurts and using it as justification for mistreatment of people that come after. in their eyes the world was cruel to them so why can’t they be the god and return the favor and this is often why they endure the worst as the universe punishes them tend fold.

Sun In the Sixth House: King Yan, Of the Ten Kings Of Hell

Song: Brent Faiyaz - Insecure 

As many of you may Know we look to the sixth house as the house of structure, day to day activities, routines and health yet for a native with their sun here the health and the health of others can be an ongoing theme in their lives.They Are constantly running on an internal schedule one that can seem to make all of the minutes in a day pure agony. They tend to be meticulous in some cases whilst in others they seem to be following some sort of silent bell that tells them the when and where. Time management, organizing and even planning are their hidden talents mainly because when it comes to other people they are like death itself, constantly waiting, passing the time almost excited at the idea of putting everything together. They can seem detached but down to earth, their hallmark is their humility and bluntness but in some lower cases they can seem condescending and emotionally daft. They say and do things according to their mental comprised list of do’s and don’ts. most people fall in reaction and action types for them and they tend to formulate their actions and reactions in response to these but much like life itself many things are unexpected including people and this is often where these natives malfunction, they assume actions before they take place and are totally unprepared for the off chance things operate outside of that box. To them there is a steady cause and effect momentum that life runs by and often very little does life operate off this agenda. For them life can be stages and every stage represents different levels of turbulence for them, at times things are well and other times they seem unstable or at times they can seem rather abysmal but thats much like life no? things can shift in and out of focus. well you see for these natives that shift of focus can be earth shattering as they tend to revolve their life around specific situations at times which can be highly discombobulating for them when they hadn’t the time to prepare counter alternatives. These natives are quick mentally and typically love the idea of nature and it’s animals, many loving to surround themselves with lively animated pets. they tend to care for their pets and plants more than they do people at times as they naturally see nature and animals as their happy place and area of grounding. Work is also important to these natives so they can often be very proud and intense when it come to the job hunt as their job is often what they want to be known for, how good they do is always important to them. In the masculine energy this can make the men rather messy/earthy looking as they pick up their features from nature in a quite literal way. for the feminine energy types the mercurial influence gives that gender less tone once more whilst also adding a soothing and innocent beauty. these natives are often dealing with the theme of Time Vs Place. For them Time is always an issue, when is it the right time? they never know how much time to alot to moments in their which ends up creating states of drain in them, but the place has much to do with this as well as these natives fail to realize that the places they trap themselves in is a cause of their lack of time, very rarely do they set themselves in situations that give them enough time to exercise free time yet they find themselves wondering where all the time has gone when it was never there to being with.

Sun in Libra Vs Sun In The Seventh House:

(Loki The Trickster Vs Dolos/Dolus The Spirit Of Trickery)

Sun In Libra: Loki The Trickster

Song: King Princess - Back Of a Cab

As an outsider looking in it may seem like Libra suns are impartial, Sweet and charming in a way that is both fleeting yet inviting, but among their well meaning disposition lay a certain anticipation of the camera cutting into the more grotesque scene. These natives Live almost as though they were a celebrity, their minds and energy go into the upholding of the idea they present. be it that they are a punk rock don’t need a man type, or maybe they are seen as a high ranking and family oriented politician, or mayhaps they are seen as the athlete or the singer with the smile of a cool summer evening. They wont ever showcase what lay underneath due to the real self being far more ominous then people are ready for. Libra suns are in reality stoic, serious, and unenthusiastic, this may sound bad but its in reality meaning that they aren’t as wrapped up in your shit as you may think. Libra suns present themselves as more caring and more involved then they really are as in all truth being cardinal their real focus at the end of the day is their own independent well being and whether or not anything is serving the purpose it needs within their lives. They are incredibly independent and dare i say even more than Aries suns. Libra suns really go through all the effort of seeming dependent and unknowing because it allows for people to see them as less of a threat, this in term gets them leighweigh in cultivating beneficial situations for themselves without a hassle. That being said they can get into trouble when the mask fades as people begin to realize their true nature. Libra suns are caring and gentle to those around them and this part is honest as they do have an appreciation for the sensual and often the beautiful aspects of relating to others. Though that being said they have a limit of to how much interaction with others they can stand for, to much of seeing someone can bore them and depending on the nature of the continued interaction they’ll often begin to wear their mask more fiercely as they are now beginning to fight their real self from telling you to leave them be. Libra suns are well meaning but at times they do find themselves caught between the mirror of deception, this shows itself as them getting caught up on past performances they’ve up-kept coming to bite them in the ass. They rationalize things here and there but for the most part much of what they may feel is felt deeply as they tend to see emotions as a gift and something they hold onto. The reason being that Libra suns seldom stay in a moment to long so often when a strong emotion catches them off guard they welcome it though if it’s a negative emotion they tend to retreat from it especially if it’s a romantic emotion that is moving along faster than intended. They are uplifting and selfless most times but selfish and rather clouded by their romances when they do come around. Their greatest struggle tends to be The real me vs the Me everyone Thinks is me. These natives play so deeply into their roles that they often times fly so far away from their own inner world that they forget what or how to identify their own feelings apart from the ones they have made everyone believe they are experiencing.

Sun In The Seventh House: Dolos/Dolus The Spirit Of Trickery 

Song: King Princess - Ohio 

These natives Unlike their Libra Sun Counterparts Exhibit traits that i can only describe as seemingly disengaged yet deeply engaged at the same take. They can seem as if they are wandering, mentally shifted in another place yet almost like a trance they heard every word, saw every movement they were analyzing you yet how could you tell? These natives are observant and often times the silence is their way of capturing the moment. They prefer talkative types as they reveal more and make that part of the interaction easier for them, but people who are overly mysterious or quiet tend to offset them as it gives them very little to work with and puts the balancing act on their back. They try to make others feel understood mainly because they themselves resonate so deeply with the process of finding oneself and understanding ones own true inner workings.These natives seem tricky and deceptive but rather its more or less the spirit they give off. They seem deceptive because they don’t reveal much, yet unknown to others they just don’t identify as heavily as most with the things in their life well enough to reveal much. The seem like tricksters because they know the right time to speak and the right time to act which can at times seem like they’re planning or scheming when in reality they are simply good readers of body language and social ques. they often times trail along a sadness that they can’t seem to attach a reason to but this sadness is often the shadow. unlike Libra suns these natives can’t pretend to be something mainly because they don’t really know who they are apart  from their immediate interactions with others. they have an idea but at times they feel like a shadow of something. The shadow self often tries to convince them to play roles, play into things that could possibly be them yet in actuality they know deep down that would only further the disassociation with themselves. love is a big thing for these natives but it always seems fleeting, as if all their good graces are wasted on individuals who never deserved their love. in an ironic twist though it is actually wonderful that these people come into their lives as they aid their journey to self discovery. These natives are genuine and kind hearted despite their rather quiet and too themselves nature. Their greatest battle is between The Loud Heart and The Quiet Heart. Often times these natives play into the feelings they can see but never into the ones they feel but cannot see, to them the emotions need to have a logic behind them and if not they shrug it off as a irrational emotion. They often times are terrified by their own depth mainly because it belongs to a side of themselves they are not yet familiar and this is the shadow.

Sun In Scorpio Vs Sun In The Eighth House:

(The Mighty Marques Aamon Vs Arch Angel Michael)

Sun In scorpio: The Mighty Marques Aamon

Song: Tove Lo - Are u Gonna Tell Her?

ah The mighty Scorpio sun, Riddled in the darker parts of human nature where they themselves seem to find a sense of curiosity and compulsion. These natives tend to be easy to spot, rather not for just their physical attributes but for their ominous and rather soul inquiring gaze. They see right through you and have already dressed every aspect of you soul a million times over as if it were a pull over scarf. They more often then not have an early look into the nastier side of man due to the influence of Pluto and Mars throwing down their intense calamity. See Pluto and Mars are not necessarily on equal grounding and often times Pluto ruffles Mars in just the right way for mars to gear up in aggression which then cause Pluto to polarize and become calculated and manipulative in order to gain the upper hand. due to this these natives tend to express the inner conflict outwardly as a hot and cold/off and on demeanor and approach to all things be it love, family, and even career’s. Scorpio Suns do not want to draw attention to their actions or their inner workings so much of their ego goes into sharing just enough to get what they need from others whilst revealing almost nothing of themselves. In lesser versions of Scorpio suns this can be problematic behavior as they soon become controlling, Gas light heavy and emotionally abusive to those close to them as a means of furthering their need to be in control. Make no mistake though Scorpio suns are typically battling their own demons the main difference being what part of their journey of healing they are on. Scorpio in feminine types tends to be the most afflicted as the overly competitive masculine ruling signs clashes with the more submissive or passive feminine energy. This clash is apart of what makes these natives so alluring and sensual, you can almost feel the war steaming over their skin, the pain in their eyes, the intensity, you feel all of it as if you where there with them. They tend to be very loving and loyal souls but can struggle with opening their hearts to real love, the kind that heals and extends it’s hand. Scorpio Suns have a bad knack for going after their mirror, and this in turn is apart of their journey but also a habit that must be broken. The reason is linked to the fact that Scorpios Suns are drawn naturally to people that force them to Acknowledge their trauma, darkness and inner instability which sends them on emotional benders that can last years if they are not careful. Often times the Scorpio Sun natives are in a constant flux where they must deal with Ex’s, Family dramas and at a deeper level mental brakes but this is all apart of their grand story despite how heavy the lows are. Scorpio suns as a whole struggle with the concept of Destruction and Rebirth. For them everything in their life has a life expectancy and once the time comes all things fall to ruin, only Scorpio suns obsess with the idea of rebirth leading to a form of longevity a way to ensure things never cease nor ware down..But in reality this continuously vicious cycle of Devastation and second life are draining for their spirits and their soul. It’s ok to let go and it’s okay for things to be at peace, just because there is no war at hand it is no cause for worry of an impending ending and often times these natives in their fear of this manifest their own endings. Much like the Mighty Demon Aamon these natives are compassionate and understanding but also careless, wild and wouldn’t hesitate to impose their will no matter the consequence to others. They have a hard time with the white Pickett fence lifestyle and often times find themselves craving the unknown, the unstable, the misfortune..they are drawn to it like mosquitoes to blood.

Sun in The Eighth House: Arch Angel Michael

Song: Tove lo- Passion& Pain Taste The same(Extended Version)

Sun in the Eighth house Natives are Emotionally adept, but noticeably scary in the sense that they always seem as if they are sizing you up, writing in pieces and parts of you personality so they themselves can further dig into you psyche  in a way that prevents you from pulling the wool over their eyes. unlike Scorpio Suns these natives aren’t a walking ball of tension rather they exude a mysterious and rather deceptive energy as if they are a black mist eroding away at the walls silently beyond your sight. They are just as Black and White as Scorpio suns but more dangerous due to the fact that they see the grey area clearly and choose when they’d like to include it in their perceptive analysis. They can have a military like energy to them, seeming authoritative and closed, while also having a rather shady nature to them even if they are not personally out to get anything at all. Often times people around them perceive them in a rather untrustworthy light even if they are the most honest person in the world, the reason being the eighth house squaring the energy of the Sun, it creates a Leo meets Scorpio Dynamic that creates friction in the outside world but not the bedroom. Sex is where these natives feel they can truly glow and shine, where they can truly unwind and express their true nature. Often times sexual addiction or sexual obsession can become apparent if the natives listen to their lower vibrations. They often times see people in a way of value and have a hard time letting go of them due to the bountiful potential they see in them. to these natives everyone on this earth has meaning no matter how small and that makes them irreplaceable. They often struggle with the idea of growing up Vs staying young. They often hold on to their youth, and even sometimes surround themselves by a younger audience as a means of ignoring father time who often forces them to confront the harsh realities of life. They often times battle with their mature side as it represents confronting their rigid more disillusioned side. they want to be optimistic but deep down they recognize the serious rather proud nature within themselves though they may try to shrug it off. They want their darkness to be excepted but simultaneously detest it as if it where a violent storm or pack of hounds set loose. despite this they have a rather intense nature but one that is more calm and mischievous then its Scorpio sun counterpart. Much like Michael these natives are dutiful but ruthless, if it gets them what they need they’ll execute it without issue no matter who is effected. They tend to follow orders and expect the same from others. they have an empress/emperor like energy which can at times seem intimidating and cold.

Sun In Sagittarius Vs Sun In The ninth House:

(Norse God Odin Vs Pantheon God Of Olympus Zeus)

Sun In Sagittarius: Norse God Odin

Song: Cinnamon Chasers - Speeder 

These Natives do live up to their expansive Ruling planet, They at times are so high up in the sky that they forget there is a whole world around them. They are often distracted, Blunt, Mean, Cut throat, Philosophical and open minded whilst also somehow managing to be vibrant, Sincere and very hard lovers for those they hold dear. They can have trouble holding back their opinions and their ideas and once that mouth of their’s gets going it tends to be a real sucker punch. They adore adventure but tend to find adventure in their day to day life just as exciting. The traveling generalization is often true but for Sagittarius suns it’s not so much foreign cultures as it is experiencing something outside of their immediate normality. they can’t stand someone who doesn’t have any idea what they’re talking about and will dig your grave for you via words if you waste their time, every second is precious to a Sagittarius sun no matter how minor you may think it is. They are often very straightforward in their approach to all things which can be a good or bad thing depending on how strong willed you are to deal with such a strong force. They tend to live in their minds but unlike Gemini these thoughts and desires find their way into the real world which often time can lead them into some sketchy or bad situations due to how little thought or consideration went into the details of the thought itself. They are insanely willful folks and will fight anyone who intends on placing them into a set standard of expectations and rules. They are often creative and fair very well with bringing in their own unique spin to the things they create. certain emotions some of us spend years or days mulling over these natives typically pass through relatively swiftly. Nothing really is that serious to these natives, after-all in their eyes all that could be done has been done. They tend to have a rocky relationship with their emotional hemisphere and thats often where the underdeveloped lot of this sun sign seek out their flighty and or venomous tongue to defend themselves. they often are quite sensitive and loving but struggle to apply this as its a foreign concept to them. Their flightiness is also deeply rooted in their need to chase, to constantly be on the hunt for their divine pleasure. The masculine and feminine both fall prey to this. Similarly to Odin these natives are creative, expansive in their mentality, leaders, explorers and deeply intellectual beings bent on understanding the world and all within it too it’s fullest extent. Their greatest struggle tends to be between the Should i stay vs should i go dynamic. They are always leaving the people and things they have no business leaving behind yet sticking around for the nonsense that truly serves them no other purpose but sex, false validation or presenting a sort of illusion. 

Sun In The Ninth House: Pantheon God Of Olympus Zeus

Song: Cinnamon Chasers -Luv Deluxe 

For these natives the differences can be a little harder to tell, though if anything they stand out even more so than it would for a Sagittarius sun. These natives have a inspirational mind, Dexterous, and very good at micro-managing their own energies. They do suffer from a horrid resting bitch face and cannot hold their tongue when it comes to most things as they prefer to say exactly whats on their mind but this happens more unknowingly for them than it does for their sun sign counterpart. these natives share Zeus’s promiscuous nature, finding it relatively easy to move on from person to person due to the way they look at relationships being stepping stones that further them along to their perfect match. Not very often do these natives find themselves in one position for two long as they suffer from restlessness more than any fire sign or other fire house combined. to them The day is meant to be explored and often times these adventures are completely random as their desire to expand can come suddenly like a blast of cold air. They tend to also enjoy their fair share of tattoos, body augmentations, and hair dyes. Anything that allows them to heighten their experience which in many cases also includes drugs, as the natives love being able to awaken the parts of themselves unattainable during the day. They are partiers but also at times very studious. many are very dedicated to the idea of college while others drop out due to feeling they can find other ways to expand and create on their own. This native is often dualistic in the sense that they can pursue one path for some time and then completely fly off the rail and start a new path abruptly and this personality trait is something that continues as time goes on. They are very giving souls nonetheless and willingly sacrifice and support those they care about with ease be it paying for their food, letting them stay at their house or borrow their clothes. The thing is these natives are good at assessing the boundary and can very easily tell you to leave or that they want to be alone, because although they are kind they also still know their own personal needs matter just as much at the end of the day. They often inquire much about the emotional side of things because they often don’t understand the emotions of others nor what motivates their actions which is their greatest source of frustration. Their main struggle much like Zeus is Abundance Vs Accumulation. They often crowd on things for the sake of having it, but fail to find the the value or usefulness in the very things they are allowing into their life. They must learn to value the things around them otherwise it just ends up being a bunch of furniture with plastic wrap, unused and wasted. They are just as tenacious, gallant, charismatic and strong as Zeus but in hindsight they are just as rude, Oblivious and insatiable as him in their worst.

Sun In Capricorn Vs Sun In The Tenth House:

(Hades Vs Buddha)

Sun In Capricorn: Hades

song: Delilah- Touch me 

If i could describe these natives in a sense i would say they are gifted with a great curse and a Mighty Blessing, and that would be their ability of seeing exactly the deeper nature of an individual without any actual spoken word. They are people readers plain and simple and a great many of them gorge themselves on their hobby of people watching. To them humanity is a big social project and one they are endlessly applying their vast many of skills in decoding. They have an inner earthiness to them that can energetically make them seem slower in their reactions but overly abundant in spirit when it comes to the more physical aspects of life. They have a very emotional relationship with success and money so often times they tend to neglect the other meats of life in favor of money which at times can leave them lonely in the midst of their success. They can have an intimidating aura, one that reaks of sadness and woe in the masculines or one that reaks of intensity and confidence in the feminines. The sun in Capricorn natives have a naturally polarizing emotional state, at times seeming calm, happy or at least passably content to more stoic, lost and emotionally unavailable the moment Saturn’s gloom sinks his teeth into them. they often times find themselves trapped in a current of weight, often times softer things like relaxation, vacations, and even moments of idle are very rarely enjoyed by these natives as often very deep within they feel intense guilt at the experience of any pleasure for too long. to these natives there is a constant nagging voice telling them to “move” and push ahead, the moment they stop the voice becomes a vicious void that can often times give these natives their well known devilish energy. These natives practice restraint subconsciously and often times limit themselves as a means of a deeper rooted paranoia that if they are truly at their best, truly free, everything will come undone. These natives have a life based upon hidden fears that have no real face but often times are tied to Saturn who nurtures the idea in them that things could go wrong at the drop of the hat and that letting ones guard down even for a moment can lead to a very painful lesson. They tend to be loving, and deeply sensitive souls but very hardly ever do they show this face. Masking and false advertising is their forte, pretending to be malicious, cool, aloof, and empty if often easier then showing their bubbly, talkative, and rather softly romantic and tender nature. Love can be a source of pain for them due to the fact that much like all who have Saturn in a prominent place, a lesson is always to be had. these natives tend to learn that love is something that is seldom on par with the level of dedication and patience they exhibit towards their own life, often times fueling their cynical view towards love as a whole. They love intently and with all of their soul, never leaving the side of their lovers but at the same time this love and loyalty comes after years upon years of work and foundation as these natives loathe intimacy or love that seems to flighty or ungrounded in it’s intent. they tend to be spiritual but this is something they grow more intune with the older they get. They tend to be caught in the struggle of maybe it'll be different this time vs already knowing the outcome. The harsh part for these natives is that they deep inside want to give people the benefit of the doubt, they want to be whimsical and naive but it is something to riddled with consequence which they already know and often times they are trapped in a tug of war of was i right to give up on this, to shut down, to close off, was i to harsh, was i to fast to do it? but often times the moment they ignore their intuition the pain is often a violent reminder that they should’ve listened to their gut. these natives much like hades understand the depth of their commitments and find dedicating themselves to things a rigor to be expected but one that is earned not just jumped into head first without proper caution. They live in the dark, ominous and heavy seated parts of life but because of them everything is in order, everything is collected and well placed as it should be. 

Sun In The Tenth House: Buddha 

Song: Delilah - Love you so

Sun In the Tenth housers are drastically different from their fourth house sun counterparts in the respect that where one is Pious, emotionally erratic and arrogant the other is cold, emotionally distanced and humble. These natives prefer quiet as opposed to a loud obnoxious display of the self. To them your work and actions should speak more for your character than some inflated actions or stories. They love intense encounters and often find themselves at the center of powerful people be it bad or good. they enjoy a certain level of unpredictability in thought rather than actually carried out in reality. if i could describe them i’d say they are the emotionally aware bad girl/boy. they enjoy the discretion of the social norm but also have a longing for more structure in their lives. for these natives people are only so interesting to them, once they figure them out the concept presented in getting to know the individual goes out the window. The only real intrigue to them is an ever changing situation, person or thing, anything with a predictable end is often a source of contempt for them. Emotionally they can run HOT like a supernova but then suddenly cool as if all the suns across multiple galaxies vanished into thin air leaving a stark, rigid cold. They tend to adore darkness in others only until this very darkness starts to lose it’s luster. a preference for being a savior for others is present but once again the back and forth nature of this placement and it’s obsession with the idea of disharmony yet simultaneously needing peace. they have a rather neutral perspective in life due to their fluctuating taste, and much like the Buddha they live by a strong law of what you give is what you get, what you do comes back to you and that for every action done, their is an effect waiting for it. Despite this these natives tend to be on the more mischievous side of things seeking a sort of imagined excitement that never ever seems to come. Romantically they are the type to fall hard but also the type to run from anything that is to emotionally saturated. they don’t care for love yet it always finds them anyways, the key with them is that they need it to be paced, anything rushed, anything impulsive or quickly proposed tends to push them deep in their hole. they love sensual affection and touch and often love to place their hands on everything and anything, to feel it in their palms, on their skin, in their hair...they eat up the environment like it were the sea making waves around them. Often times they can have a melancholic sense of humor and seem rather out of touch with their surroundings at times. They prefer loneliness as opposed to bad company and at times the bad company in their eyes is the entirety of human society. They can seem pretentious, Mean, and wildly judgmental with their sharp tongue but if you listen closely at times these natives speak truths you yourself know are true but are not ready to accept. i often call these natives fortune tellers as they speak in foreshadowing tones that allude to future happenings. They often struggle with the heart vs the head. at times they live so much in their mind that the longings of their heart feel like weird wire entanglements that they are not familiar with. They know their heart longs for things but their mind for the life of them can never really make sense of it, to them its all a bunch of gibberish but it often is why they always feel that internal and eternal missing in their lives, as if something should be there but never really is. 

Sun In Aquarius Vs Sun In The Eleventh House: 

(Goddess of Death Hela Vs Moon God Lilith)

Song: SHYGIRL - Freak

So today we speak on one of the most complex and virtually paradoxical sun signs to date, Aquarius suns. These natives are well deserving of their rather multi-layered face, often times seeming like a box with never ending compartments and staircases leading to new basements and by theory new worlds and realities. Often times their level of competency can fly between intellectually dualistic to emotionally dualistic. They can seem like they understand you and at times the depth of this understanding would surprise you despite their seemingly detached nature. Despite this more soft side of their ego make no mistake their god complex is sitting eerily close to the surface. Unlike Gemini suns, there is no second face in the water bearer rather their is only this continuous current that fluctuates between a heavy stream of a light stream and which stream you get depends solely on the level of intellectual enticement the Aquarius sun native can glimpse within you. There is an apparent darkness in these natives but it’s mainly due to their co-rulership of saturn dancing with the erratic demon uranus. These two planets complete each other but they also tug at one another strings in a rather violent and stormy like way, causing a strange ground up and sky to floor motion in these natives moods. One moment they can be rebellious, restless, goofy and rather unbothered and the next moment they can seem stoic, impersonal, detached and down right moody. they love proving others wrong but they also take a great pride in watching a stance someone has held so tightly in pride come crashing down once the sun in Aquarius native corrects them. they take great pride in their mental dexterity but at times can be overwhelmed by the constant and never ending current of thought. They have a tendency to come across as hardheaded and hellbent on their way being the right way as they often despite their airy nature are still intensely fixed. that being said they are deeply curious of society and the world around them, often taking time to learn and study the varying cultures and systems in the immediate environment as well as the environment as others. very many tend to find themselves drawn to humanitarian pursuits albeit a bit shy at first in many cases due to the fact that they themselves don’t always understand their pull to the collective. These natives tend to be loners contrary to belief and find it very difficult at times to cope with their occasional existential crisis as they often find that they don’t really relate or connect to the world or time frame they happen to be apart of. They at times like the idea of being misunderstood while other times they wish atleast one person could peer into their mind and document their beautiful and uniquely grafted mental space but that would be far to available for their liking. Making friends is something that seems like a powerful need for these natives and often times something they struggle with as they often find that they confuse friendship and romance. often projecting more romantic/relationship tendencies on their friendships and projecting more friendship/acquaintance tendencies on their romantic relationships. They do enjoy the idea of being in love or being emotionally connected to others but in a lot of ways they don’t really understand it as much as they’d want to. they tend to in a similar fashion as Hela deem themselves as higher beings who happen to be misunderstood. they view themselves as starving intellects who the world neglects in favor of stupidity and mental stagnancy, a stagnancy that the Aquarius suns believe they can rescue the world from if they listened to them.. Their greatest battle lay in the concept of wisdom vs Virtue. They see these things as separate ideologies, often presented as fallacies rather than something applicable, to them wisdom is unreliable due to the fact that simply knowing something or how it may pan out does not necessarily omit outside factors that alter this variable, and virtue in itself seems like something self assured, but in their eyes something self assured is also prone to change due to the unstable base it is presented upon. so they tend to struggle with letting themselves go to the unknown presented in spirituality, which is often the missing piece to their puzzle. Many of these natives tend to be bisexual, that being said any sign can be bisexual or gay, or so on, the case is that with Aquarius suns, they have such a deeply set ambiguous eternal self that can at times find that it relates more to the energy of others than it does the physical body, especially since for these natives sex and love are not hand in hand as much as mind and body are. 

Sun In The Eleventh House: The Moon God Lilith 

Song: SHYGIRL - Rude

These natives are very unique in the sense that dare i say this is the darkest position for the sun to be in. It creates a tug a war, between the sun and itself as nothing more than a cold white glow. They are charismatic and open, but closed and mysterious. on a hand they can seem welcoming and so entrancing in their approaches, seeming as if they adore the crowd but if you really see them they are intense, perplexed, to themselves and endlessly distrustful. A good word for them is willful and Loudly willful at that. They will not and cannot be moved without their own desire and often times the source of what moves them is unknown to them as well. a complicated requiem of pain swirls within them but the source often alludes them as it stems for a combination of things that have moved around like chess pieces in a chess game with no players in seat. They experience pain but they never claim it rather its seated somewhere and moved around again and again until it origin is blurry to the natives. Pompous at times with their beliefs they are well being, they have an obsessive nature with friendships often deeming them to hold seniority above most things, at times seeing them as extensions of their own ego. the less they understand amongst  their friends the weaker they feel. loving them can be complicated as they are always evolving, changing and dying off ridding pieces of themselves as if they were spring cleaning their souls. They do deal with their darker sides mainly because unlike most of us these natives skeletons never really do go in the closet rather they stand loud and proud in the face of the native so they can face them. They tend to be sensitive but also adaptable so the sensitivity can seem elusive as they tend to firmly glue shut the smallest weakness in themselves the moment it is introduced. They value the feelings of others more then even their own at times but there is often a nice balance between their care for others and the care they have for themselves. They can seem unnerving and captivating as their energy tends to feel like a sultry, in control and rather sophisticated energy though they may not recognize it within themselves. They often times fly in and out of asexuality and this deals more with their emotional state if anything. they at times don’t connect to other people in the way we all do, they see the physical beyond it’s self which can at times cause complete disconnect during moments of intimacy or sex. They often battle the idea of am i complete vs am i incomplete. they never truly know if they have all the pieces aligned and much like Lilith they often times feel an innate need to find the truth, to rebel and quarrel until it all makes sense. they can seem nomadic and ruthless because of this due to the fact that they are willing to do whatever it takes to fuel their desire for self discovery. gender roles and social constraints bore them often times and this makes them feel tense and confined when they are in an overly oppressive or traditional environment 

Sun In Pisces Vs Sun In The Twelfth House: 

( The God Of Creation Brahma Vs Jesus Christ, Son Of God)

Sun In Pisces: The God Of Creation Brahma

Song :Sevdaliza - Dormant

Much Like A dark sea, with waves reaching the clouds and dancing with visible silent but reverberating shocks of light in the sky these natives present a wildly pretty, yet ominous duplicity within their soft and gooey disposition. They can seem rather intangible, yet despite their hard to grasp wetness they can see you, read you and be inside of you like water and dissipate like fog before your very eyes. They are insanely sensitive but unlike the other water signs they are also every other sun sign dressed as one. They have many traits, they carry the impulsive nature of Aries, the sensual and rather harmonious nature of Taurus, the duality and wit of Gemini, The soft and protective nurturing of Cancer, the Amorousness and rather playfully romantic nature of Leo, the Calculated, yet realistic side of Virgo though they fight it.., the Co-dependent yet charming nature of Libra, The emotional intensity and depth of Scorpio, The gun-ho, and rather Flighty nature of Sagittarius, the steady and rigid side of Capricorn, and the Eccentric and rather erratic momentum of Aquarius. thats what makes them so terrifying, they are all things but also nothing at all in theory, a Pisces sun is a reflection of you, their environment, they in theory have no one set manner of being. These natives have a way of seeming completely present, so totally engulfed in you but once reality catches up with them they can seemingly turn into smoke, vanishing into thin air as if they never truly felt anything to begin with. What happened? well Pisces suns are very dualistic in nature, one fish dives in recklessly and the other fish brings them both back to reality and slows things down. Pisces do not readily settle down nor do they readily make any commitments to others be it friends, lovers and even family. everything means more to a Pisces native so they often times need plenty of time to think of the many options, possibilities and outcomes even if they don’t have a clear idea of what they may look like. they tend to be heavily compassionate but can struggle with creating boundaries between their woes and the woes of others. at times they see pain as a shared experience rather than a mission to be experienced solely with the self. in masculines this energy is HARD to handle. it can cause them to get drowned in the Neptune pool, often times making them liars, unstable or emotionally unavailable. in the feminine energy they tend to handle it well though in both energy types the flighty rather slippery side of them is always present, they can seem like they are dodging you or running away but in reality they just shift in and out of feelings like changing currents. they are deeply spiritual and many tie themselves to the unknown as if they were birthed from it. They believe in a higher space, that all things flow in the direction they must with or without intervention. They fear evil in others and often try to save and rescue those who’ve lost their way but many learn overtime that saving is at times not different from enabling. Their biggest fight is flight vs confrontation. These natives much like the god Brahma Are capable of creating and putting together projects and parts of the world in ways that would make all the gods jealous. they have a hand for beauty and making things however they must in a beautifully designed manner...that being said they often shy away from people and things that are good for them due to their fear of themselves and others. deep down they fear the idea of being seen completely as it means all of those 12 faces must fade and the fish must truly present all the parts of itself and thats often when they try to swim away. They fear the concept of being totally seen, totally embraced in the same manner that they do others because then they would have to acknowledge their weakness, Love, receiving honest love scares them as to them the camera is finally on them.

Sun In The twelfth House: Jesus Christ, Son Of God

Song: Sevdaliza - wallflower

We now come to the last of the houses. These Natives have an abundance of mist that shrouds them, much like a cloak or a long blast of light from the heavens surrounding them in its glow. They don’t normally stand out, many times having a rather passive and calm demeanor, seeming polite but not overly open nor connected. Though upon further inspection one can clearly make out their rather attentive eye for human emotion and human desire. they can seemingly pin point the sorrow in others, the dreams, the level of comfort one seeks and once they have scoped it out they often adapt to the particular need in question. See for them it’s more about creating an air of easy peace and the best way to do that is complete neutrality via adaptability. They often times remove all the traits associated with their sun sign and wear a veil, dare is say they become a spitting image of Jesus christ, suddenly they are able to collectively calm the crowd with little to no effort besides a few well placed personality augmentations to fit everyone's individual levels of comfort. They radiate a sadness, a deep sadness that is often glossed over with a false happiness, a ominously passive good natured state of passivity as to not allude to the rather turbulent well of waves and storms going on behind the scenes. Sleeping and a constant state of tiredness often plagues these natives, their energy often always seems half full even if they got a days full of sleep. They never truly feel at 100% which can at times give off a irritable or tired vibe to them. They tend to handle stress well but at the same time they usually can only do one emotion at a time, meaning that much of their inner feelings get compartmentalized into manageable spaces as to not cause them any issue. they like love, but they don’t have boundaries necessary to differentiate being used from being loved. at times they can purposely seek out bad things for them in order to feel needed but in reality they are ensuring that they never really feel happy because deep down they feel it is their fate to take on someone else baggage. They tend to be terrified of good people, stable people, as they represent a missing aspect within themselves. they often push away the good ones in favor of the bad ones because ultimately choosing to be with someone who actually cares about them means they would have to learn to care about themselves which is often something they are not ready to do. Self love is the fear for these natives as it involves uncluttering their inner psyche which is already damaged beyond what they think they can even repair. The struggle here is often do i love me Vs should i even love me? they often times view self love as selfish and deem it as an unnecessary virtue but at the same time they view it as a needed acceptance. hating themselves and self punishment is an easy go to for them because it removes accountability but in the end it always comes back and leaves a wave of carnage in it’s wake. much like Jesus these natives are sacrificing, enduring and deeply of strong faith in humanity but.. humanity always makes endless wounds, and scars in these natives..as they often get to see the worst sides of human nature as they grow mistaking their numbness for compassion. In reality they are kind and loving but this is often a defense mechanism rather than a state of just being. 

Hope you guys enjoy! 

[thegardenofbae]

Do you have any cheap ways to feel more feminine?

hey there 🤍

here are some of my personal tips on how you can feel more feminine for little to no money!

1. ask for help/ let people do things for you. when things get tough, don’t let your pride get in the way of asking people you trust for help. people are out there that are willing to help you and do things for you if you only ask. be open to others doing for you, even if someone just goes out of their way to open a door for you or get something from a high shelf for you.

i know it might not seem like a big deal, but it’s more masculine to do for yourself and not ask for any help. asking for help doesn’t mean you’re weak. it takes a lot of courage to be vulnerable and ask for help.

2. update your hair and makeup routine. using the products you have already, practice your hair and makeup. learn how to maintain your hair and create hairstyles that compliment your face. also learn how to do your makeup to enhance your natural beauty. you don’t need to go out and buy tons and tons of expensive makeup or top shelf hair products, what you have is more than good enough.

there are tons of youtube videos and articles that can help you learn these skills. they’re fun and will boost that feeling of femininity within you.

3. become more comfortable with your body. i don’t want this to sound corny, but i think you should spend time appreciating and loving the body you’re in. i understand that getting comfortable with your body is a long process, but don’t give up on yourself.

watch yourself while you dance in the mirror, get acquainted with your body by looking at yourself and identify some things you love about yourself.

4. take a bubble bath. fill the tub up with your favorite scented bubbles. sprinkle in some bath salts. top it’s off with some flower petals and get ready to luxuriate. i’d also recommend lighting a candle or two and turning off the lights to reinforce that beautiful blissful me-time. turn on a soothing playlist and have something to sip on, whether it be tea, juice, or champagne.

having a self care moment like this will reinforce to yourself that you are worthy of the best treatment and it doesn’t have to be reserved for special occasions exclusively.

5. walk that walk and talk that talk. remember: you are that girl. you always will be that girl. and you’re never going to stop being that girl. how you carry yourself and how you speak is indicative of how you see yourself. walk and speak with confidence in yourself and your abilities.

i’ve said this before but i’ll continue to say it because it’s simply the easiest way to tap into your feminine power: walk with your shoulders back, chest out, and chin up. speak clearly, and confidently, and to be understood. it does wonders for how you feel and look at yourself.

[demiguy-culture-is]

For the anon who asked, Afab demiboys are automatically trans, whereas Amab demiboys aren't necessarily trans/identify with that since they identify at least partially with their agab, which would make them cis unless there are more factors involved too. It's not necessarily just correlated to what your agab is, or biological sex. Amab demiboys can still be trans & use the label-Don't get me wrong. But all afab demiguys are trans-We've got to socially transition to reflect our genders. Not all of us medically transition though. Tbh I'm not totally sure what an Amab's transition (socially or medically) would look like, but I know that not all of them are cis/partially cis.

Appreciate this - but I gotta add a few things

maybe I didn't make it clear enough, but one's agab doesn't define how much of a demiboy "you really are" (/nm). That being said, the anon asked about what the difference between afab and amab demiguys are and it's literally just that, that one was assigned one thing at birth, and the other another thing.

Also, at least imo, if you aren't cis, you aren't cis.

If you aren't cis, feel free to call yourself trans or just neither! Sorry in advance if this analogy isn't a good one but hear me out. You never ever tell a bi person they are half straight half gay because it's just not true. They're attraction is whole and to two or more genders. Similarly, demiguys aren't half cis half trans (unless that's how they personally see it, but unless you're specifically told, I wouldn't go there?) Because they have whole identities, they are whole people.

Go ahead and call yourself half trans and half cis if that's what you want, but it doesn't apply to a lot of people?

Also, another point of clarification - trans does not equate to transition. It can result in a transition for some people (whether it does or does not for you it's totally cool!!), but that's not a requirement by any means to be transgender.

Another thing, you don't have to call yourself trans if you don't want to. You aren't "automatically trans" If you're an AFAB demiboy, not necessarily if that's not something you feel connected to? Also it's never a requirement for your gender express to directly mirror your actual gender? You can be a feminine demiguy, you can be a masculine mtf and it's still completely valid

IMPORTANT POINT - YOUR TRANSITION CAN LOOK LIKE WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT. GENDER ROLES AND CERTAIN EXPECTED GENDER EXPRESSIONS SHOULDNT STOP YOU FROM ANYTHING.

Sorry to anon if any of this comes off as a little harsh, that is not my intention, I juts think it's important to clear up a few things.

As always, I'm open to any criticism and happy to discuss further if anyone wants to. Also, I'm open to any feedback and to hear if anything I said could have been worded better.