#but i just need to vent somewhere and i don't want people irl to be in my business about this

[elliesbelle]

lol

[torchickentacos]

anyways. having fun with the album project thing I mentioned. Using the flat small brush from here for krita. One brush only, no undo button, all done on 1/54th of a 1.5k x 1k canvas. it's actually pretty therapeutic, I listen to the album I'm drawing while I draw it. This does mean that for AM I got to like. track 2 though and most of that was bc of formatting issues lol.

[etincelleart]

Just wanted to say thank you here to everyone who wrote me nice words under my last post, or sent me asks, it means a lot and I'm glad I have support. I'm not really feeling answering to everyone at the moment but know that you have my love

I don't think it's really interesting to share that, but I know I shouldn't care too much about all of that, it's Twitter and only a minority. It's just that I'm already dealing with family issues and it added up to the pile right when I was feeling a little bit better, so I kinda crashed hard ngl

Being called out for a mistake, a misunderstanding, without any attemp to listen, read or understand, when you already have been harassed irl when you were younger or when you're fighting with toxic people since a young age just makes me feel so bad and it feels so unfair. Being called out for being someone you're not, when you're actually TRYING to FREE yourself from the very people you're accused to be, is just, idk what word to use, I'm so ANGRY

It's just so freaking annoying when you always try to do your best, to be someone kind and safe, but EVERYTIME people only care about the tiny bad thing you didn't do on purpose and they send their whole army at you like you're a criminal. I'm freaking tired.

Sorry for venting here, I guess I'm just feeling more comfortable here even if in the end I don't really know. Maybe I'll delete that as well, I don't know. Funny thing too is that I thought I could enjoy some NND but in the end I'm just too frustrated. When I'm upset I just find everything related to the topic annoying so I just don't want to care or know anything about it rn. Tbh I'm also frustrated to be called a "RWBY artist" because people knew me when I was drawing a lot of it because of V9, but I'm not. I'm an artist who loves to draw RWBY, but not just that, and at the moment I'm so pissed I want to draw anything but that. I'll finish the requests before it's over, but it might take more time. Tbh find someone else to be NND ceo's because I don't care

Anyway I'm tired to feel like trash but urgh I can't help it, Genshin and Mario Kart make me feel better but I just need to freaking travel somewhere

[smalltimidbean]

Hi! I'm Ruben, and this is my art blog! I mostly post silly OCs and original stuff, or whatever I happen to be hyperfixated on at the time! Read on to find out more!

---

About

I am Ruben, but most people call me Bean, and I also go by Ben - so feel free to use any of those names, I'll respond to them all!

I'm 28, Non-Binary, and I use They/Them pronouns. I've been doing art pretty much all my life, and I do it somewhat professionally. I enjoy all types of art, but my mains are drawing and animation - but don't be surprised if there are some crafts or other medias here and there too!

I am autistic, and have severe social anxiety (among other disabilities), so please be patient with me if I take a while to respond, have an under/overreaction to something, or do not understand something right away! I also tend to forget things a lot, so you can always give me a reminder, if it has been a while - just please do not spam me!

I love getting asks about my characters, and AUs, even if I cannot answer them all - I have many askblogs for more specific characters/settings, which are linked below if you wanna check them out!

Please keep in mind that some of my characters are villainous, aggressive or just plain mean, and any actions or responses may be rude, violent or upsetting! When I respond in character, I am just playing a character, and their actions do not reflect me, and should not be taken personally!

DMs I am more hesitant about bc of the mentioned anxiety, so if you wish to DM me, please have a reason to be doing so - I don't tend to respond to just 'hi', and asking for free art will probably end up in a block. I also do not RP at all, so please do not ask.

I tend to vent a lot! I use art as a form of catharsis and to avoid hurting myself irl, so there might randomly be some upsetting content posted, but I do tag these with 'vent tag', and the appropriate CW tags - please see below for them

My art (and characters) is not for free use! So please do not repost, edit, trace my art, and please do not use it in videos/games, or for AI bots/databases. If you see my art somewhere, that I did not approve of, and regardless if it is credited or not, please let me know!

That being said, if you really want to use my art somewhere, please ask first! Usually the use as an icon, or in a silly meme, is fine - just ask first!

I don't do requests for things I am not interested in, and I probably will not draw your OC for free. I do take suggestions for things I am interested in, and might do the occasional art trade with mutuals/friends. I do also take commissions (but my sheet needs a big update, so prices may change soon).

I switch sonas around a lot! Bean is my main one (in a semi-realistic style and a more cartoonish one), but do not be surprised if I am sometimes depicted as a furry or a monster now and then.

These sonas are also both a representation of me, and characters in my stories. I try to define when I am 'in-character' and 'out-of-character', so please keep this in mind when commenting/asking.

Fanart of my characters and AUs is okay, and always appreciated! Please try to represent the characters(s) the best you can, and ask before doing making significant design changes (such as a 'Genderbend' or 'Species Swap' etc). Again, I am forgetful, so if I do not acknowledge it within a week or so, please give me a nudge!

I don't mind minors following, as most of my stuff is SFW, but please keep in mind that I am an adult, and may upload an occasional suggestive post or joke. These are also tagged as needed.

Good golly this is so long, but I think that's it for this part

---

Interests

I am currently mainly into Pizza Tower, and the OCs I have created for it, so that is mostly what you will see at the moment! - I have currently two AUs I am focused on, mainly the one where it's just my interpretation of the game (no name for this one yet), and then my secondary called 'Cheeseshop AU', with Brick the Rat as the protag, and species are swapped! (So Brick is human, Peppino and Gustavo are rats etc)

I also have a lot of original stories, characters and concepts, and will post those too! I tend to jump from idea to idea and back again, so do not mind if I am talking about one genre in one post, and then it completely changes the next post. (Although most are just slice-o-life with fantasy elements)

Other interests are: FNAF (previous hyperfixation, kinda comes and goes and may have occasional posts here), Bugsnax (also a previous hyperfixation, mainly when the game came out but not so much any more), Pokemon (not a hyperfixation, I just think they're neat), and... That's pretty much it, that I can think of! I don't tend to get into fandoms much, and I just focus on one thing for years haha

I am also not really looking for other things to be interested in, so please do not take it personally if I do not look at or get into anything suggested to me.

---

Content Warnings

As mentioned before, I vent a lot, but I also enjoy drawing some body horror or gore for fun, if the mood strikes! These are tagged simply as '[thing]' for blocking purposes, but please let me know if there are tags I have missed!

Common, will not be tagged: Mild Body Horror (things like extra eyes or limbs, or slightly melty people etc), Scars, Foul Language, Depictions of Panic Attacks/Meltdowns, Use of Caps and Glitched/Zalgo text

Uncommon, will be tagged: Eye Strain, Alcohol Use, Smoking (mostly regular cigarettes, but maybe weed too), Partial Nudity (bare chests mostly), Mildly Suggestive Jokes or Imagery, Emetophobia/Vomit, Blood, Violence, Moderate to Severe Body Horror (like excessive amounts of extra eyes or teeth, beings fused together etc), Guns, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Gore, Implied Cannibalism, Implied Death

Rare, will be tagged, and under a read-more cut: Very Suggestive Jokes or Imagery, On Screen Cannibalism, On Screen Death

---

Tags and Other Blogs/Links

My text post/ask tag is 'bean talks too much' and OC tags are 'OC: [OC's name]'. Other tags are for organisation, or just me talking to myself - and I do that a lot.

I am SmallTimidBean pretty much everywhere, although I mainly only post here, my characters to my Toyhou.se or ARPG stuff on my DeviantArt - and I have a Kofi, if you want to send a tip my way! (Not necessary, but very much appreciated if you do!)

I do have a Discord, but I am not comfortable giving it out unless we have interacted at least a few times! If you do find it by chance, please do not just send a friend request, I am unlikely to accept it for my own comfort.

My main blog, and the one that I follow from, is @smalltimidbean-reblogs - mainly just reblogs of art I like, animals or funny posts.

My currently active askblog is @ask-the-totally-real-peppino - an ask blog for Pep (my version of Fake Peppino from Pizza Tower)

I have several other askblogs, and just blogs in general, but I will put them under cut, as most are inactive or plain dead (I just keep them for archival sake, or the rare chance I may return to them)

@ask-the-music-man - Inactive FNAF askblog for Music Man, DJ Music Man and other FNAF characters, might return to it at some point but not right now

@we-bear-wicked-smiles - Inactive FNAF askblog for Nightmare and the other Nightmare animatronics, might also return to it but also not right now

@ask-lionel-ottaviani - Inactive askblog for a monster security guard named Lionel, will probably never return to it bc the group it was a part of disbanded, and I have bad memories with it - however Lionel and his friends show up here and an AU version where he is human feature on the Music Man blog

@bensnax - Inactive Bugsnax blog, was mostly reblogs, but I did intend to post my Grumpus characters there too (I think there's like one post of some of them) - probably will not return any time soon, as Bugsnax is not a major interest right now

@ask-a-genectric - Inactive Pokemon askblog for a Gengar/Manectric hybrid called Lexus, would like to return to it but unlikely

@the-bashful-skuntank - Inactive Pokemon askblog for a Skuntank named Fleur, would also like to return to it but unlikely

@thedailyzangoose - Previously a daily blog for the Pokemon Zangoose, but was revamped into an askblog for a troop of Zangoose characters, inactive and unlikely to return to it

@little-beast-bakery - A suggestion based blog to create little characters for people to adopt, never got off the ground and probably never will

I have a few other blogs that were OC specific askblogs, but I never posted to them, so no reason to link them. I did also have two NSFW blogs that are still technically up, but were nuked after the NSFW ban of 2018 - I am not going to link them for obvious reasons, but if you do somehow find them, keep it to yourself please!

Okay, this is very long, but I think that is it! Thank you for reading if you are down here!

[eyobis-andthe-bunnycats]

I'm so fucking pissed off I need to vent somewhere. Feel free to skip this post if you're not interested in reading what an angry non-partnering aroace has to say.

***

Backstory: There's this cute little webcomic I've been reading that has confirmed soulmates with a Red String of Fate. You know, stereotypical amatonormative shit but portrayed in a cute semi-fantastical world. I really enjoy the world building of the story and the themes the author is exploring. I'm currently reading a spin off of the comic. So far we have been shown everyone is born with a Red String tied on their pinky and that at the "right time" that string connects to someone else and you're bound to have a very good relationship with that person(s) [I do believe it is mentioned in universe that there's been people whose red string connects to more than one person (yay polyam!)] and if you work through the beginning stages, you and your string partner(s) are guaranteed to have a fulfilling relationship, which is HEAVILY IMPLIED to be romantic.

In recent chapters of this comic, there was a character currently shown to be on his own. In a more recent episode, the guy is said to have been born without a string and is fine on his own. I was fucking ecstatic! I have been wondering how this world would handle aromantic and other identities and here was an established character that didn't match up with the current narrative of the setting. I left a comment on the episode listing possible scenarios as to why this character did not have a string and why he was fine alone.

I theorized that maybe he was aroace. Or he could have been some other a-spec identity that I wasn't familiar with. And then I theorized maybe he was non-partnering, something that very rarely ever is portrayed in any media that I've seen. Everyone is constantly paired up with someone for one reason or another. So seeing a character without someone and is fine on his own and fucking said he's fine, I was overjoyed to learn more about him and how the setting worked in this comic.

The problem: it might be a coincidence but this other commenter keeps replying to my comments about not being partnered with the phrase "soulmates don't have to be romantic, they can be ✨ best friends ✨."

I did not say at any point that soulmates were only romantic and that best friends didn't count. Like I'm not fucking talking about partnerships? I'm talking about NOT having ANY. And the fact this person said this shit to me twice on two different comments is annoying as all get out. I do not know if they know they're talking to the same person (me) or they think they're being an advocate for aromantic people who have a partner or something.

This just struck a nerve with me because as previously mentioned, non partnering people are hardly EVER discussed or shown in stories, and if it is, it's usually along the lines of "oh they're a broken person who needs fixed." I even have to deal with this shit IRL with my bigoted dad and cis heteronormative friends who are starting to try to pair me up with their friends' kids. Someone I'm BARELY acquaintance with just got engaged a month ago and to be married this weekend and our mutual acquaintances are starting to ask me about my partnerships because of that.

As an aroace person who is not interested in partnership, I'm ticked off.

So, you know, seeing a character in a story not partnered and living alone and BEING HAPPY in a world where everyone has at least a someone, made me really happy and I was excited to learn more about this character and this world he's a part of.

I do not give a shit if my theories are wrong, they're just theories. I just want to learn how this setting works. I have hardly seen any media that has soulmates talk about a-spec identities or non partnering people, and especially I've not seen it written with characters who are not cishet.

This series has gay relationships galore and it also has relationship trauma THAT GETS TALKED THROUGH AND RESOLVED. Great things that I am enjoying! I just really enjoy this setting and the world building and I just want to see if the creator will throw me a bone; I've just been getting scraps and I'm a little nippy.

(this is okay to reblog if you want! I'm just screaming here)

[aspd-culture]

Hi all, welcome to ASPD-Culture. You can find the DSM-V TR's diagnostic criteria for ASPD at the bottom of this post.

Here's how it works! You can use asks or submissions (on or off anon, asks allow for anon while submissions don't for those who don't know), to submit things you either are struggling with as someone with ASPD, or that you think others with ASPD would find relatable. These can be serious, meme-y, or somewhere in-between. It's ok if it applies to other disorders too, as long as it relates to antisocial personality disorder/the symptoms and associated traits of ASPD.

Send as many ask you like, I am not afraid of a full inbox. Do not feel like you're bugging me; I thrive on the attention and validation of the inbox full of asks. 😈

I welcome questions, vents, confessions, and personal submissions as well as more general ones! I cannot accept anything that would cause anyone legal trouble to say anonymously or otherwise, and please no names unless they are fictional/celebrities; you can use the first letter if you want tho!

Please note that fakeclaiming/ableism against "edgy teens" is not welcome here. This blog is pro well-researched self dx, and is not interested in guessing who may/may not be faking. Submissions will be taken in the good-faith assumption that you are being legitimate.

That said, ableist submissions will be removed and not posted. Waste your time if you want, *shrug*. Also, this blog is not the place for nt people or people with other disorders to complain about ASPD, though they *are* welcome to submit questions/asks in good faith as long as you aren't complaining about pwASPD or intentionally being ableist. If you aren't sure if something is ableist, you're welcome to ask my opinion on that, though I'm only one pwASPD so I'm not an authority. People with ASPD are welcome to vent frustrations about their own disorder, as well as how having ASPD may cause conflict with others with this/other disorders and/or frustrations about dealing with pwoASPD as someone who has it. We have to mask our frustrations with prosocials everywhere else in life - please feel free to be open about them here. Prosocials please try not to feel attacked by these, they're just vents likely being used to make sure we don't say anything hurtful irl.

Being that ASPD can have violent thoughts as a symptom, non-targetted posts about violent thoughts are ok, and will be posted with appropriate tws. If I miss any tw, please let me know and I will add it asap. Because of this, you don't need to add tws in the submissions unless you want to. That said, please be aware of the type of text-based content you may see on this blog. It's ok to block, unfollow, etc if you need to. Words like ps**hopath and soc**path may or may not be censored, but they will be tw tagged (tw psychopath and tw sociopath respectively, as well as tw aspd stigma), so if you reclaim those terms that's ok, but be aware I will tw them.

I think that about sums it up! Ask/submit away!

A quick shoutout - I was inspired by @cluster-b-culture-is because I love their content, but I found myself wishing there was one just for ASPD especially with the recent rise of acceptance for BPD but not the other cluster b's (to be clear tho, cluster-b-culture-is does not support stigma against any sort of elitism within the community, and is a great blog that you should follow if you like their content!).

Edit: Here is the diagnostic criteria for ASPD as of the most current DSM (DSM-V TR), quoted directly. Please note there are diagnostic features, development "criteria" (things that cause the disorder to develop), and presentation/associated features to think about as well. You cannot diagnose solely off of having 3/7 of the following criteria, but 3/7 is all you need in combination with meeting the other stuff to have ASPD. This should help steer away ableist additions that people constantly try to make to the criteria.

Plain text below the cut:

Hi all, welcome to ASPD-Culture. You can find the DSM-V TR's diagnostic criteria for ASPD at the bottom of this post.

Here's how it works! You can use asks or submissions (on or off anon, asks allow for anon while submissions don't for those who don't know), to submit things you either are struggling with as someone with ASPD, or that you think others with ASPD would find relatable. These can be serious, meme-y, or somewhere in-between. It's ok if it applies to other disorders too, as long as it relates to antisocial personality disorder/the symptoms and associated traits of ASPD.

Send as many ask you like, I am not afraid of a full inbox. Do not feel like you're bugging me; I thrive on the attention and validation of the inbox full of asks. [Smiling devil face emoji]

I welcome questions, vents, confessions, and personal submissions as well as more general ones! I cannot accept anything that would cause anyone legal trouble to say anonymously or otherwise, and please no names unless they are fictional/celebrities; you can use the first letter if you want tho!

Please note that fakeclaiming/ableism against "edgy teens" is not welcome here. This blog is pro well-researched self dx, and is not interested in guessing who may/may not be faking. Submissions will be taken in the good-faith assumption that you are being legitimate.

That said, ableist submissions will be removed and not posted. Waste your time if you want, *shrug*. Also, this blog is not the place for nt people or people with other disorders to complain about ASPD, though they *are* welcome to submit questions/asks in good faith as long as you aren't complaining about pwASPD or intentionally being ableist. If you aren't sure if something is ableist, you're welcome to ask my opinion on that, though I'm only one pwASPD so I'm not an authority. People with ASPD are welcome to vent frustrations about their own disorder, as well as how having ASPD may cause conflict with others with this/other disorders and/or frustrations about dealing with pwoASPD as someone who has it. We have to mask our frustrations with prosocials everywhere else in life - please feel free to be open about them here. Prosocials please try not to feel attacked by these, they're just vents likely being used to make sure we don't say anything hurtful irl.

Being that ASPD can have violent thoughts as a symptom, non-targetted posts about violent thoughts are ok, and will be posted with appropriate tws. If I miss any tw, please let me know and I will add it asap. Because of this, you don't need to add tws in the submissions unless you want to. That said, please be aware of the type of text-based content you may see on this blog. It's ok to block, unfollow, etc if you need to. Words like ps**hopath and soc**path may or may not be censored, but they will be tw tagged (tw psychopath and tw sociopath respectively, as well as tw aspd stigma), so if you reclaim those terms that's ok, but be aware I will tw them.

I think that about sums it up! Ask/submit away!

A quick shoutout - I was inspired by cluster-b-culture-is because I love their content, but I found myself wishing there was one just for ASPD especially with the recent rise of acceptance for BPD but not the other cluster b's (to be clear tho, cluster-b-culture-is does not support stigma against any sort of elitism within the community, and is a great blog that you should follow if you like their content!).

Edit: Here is the diagnostic criteria for ASPD as of the most current DSM (DSM-V TR), quoted directly. Please note there are diagnostic features, development "criteria" (things that cause the disorder to develop), and presentation/associated features to think about as well. You cannot diagnose solely off of having 3/7 of the following criteria, but 3/7 is all you need in combination with meeting the other stuff to have ASPD. This should help steer away ableist additions that people constantly try to make to the criteria.

[Transcription of the image included] A screenshot of the Diagnostic Criteria for Antisocial Personality Disorder (code F60.2) quoted directly out of the DSM-V TR.

Criterion A.) A pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others, occuring since age 15 years as indicated by 3 (or more) of the following.

Subcriterion 1.) Failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors, as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest.

Subcriterion 2.) Deceitulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure.

Subcriterion 3.) Impulsivity or failure to plan ahead.

Subcriterion 4.) Irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights and assaults.

Subcriterion 5.) Reckless disregard for safety of self or others.

Subcriterion 6.) Consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations.

Subcriterion 7.) Lack of remors, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another.

Criterion B.) The individual is at least age 18 years.

Criterion C.) There is evidence of conduct disorder with onset before age 15 years.

Criterion D.) The occurrence of antisocial behavior is not exclusively during the course of schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. [End transcription of image]

[iamthecomet]

Someone commented exactly what I was looking for thank you so much to you and mikrosghoul (I hope I spelled that right) I've been looking for it for so long and now i can read it again 💜

My friend has been trying to help with everything going on, she's been checking in on me through messages because talking to people I don't live with or can talk to online has been hard and she's been trying to help with pain stuff because she's one of the few people IRL I've told about it, and I think it's been making my mood worse honestly a long with some other stuff.

I did manage to get the new chapters of the Death Pages posted and it got more hits on Ao3 soon after I posted them which makes me happy because it means a lot to me that people want to read it. I'm so close to being done with it and it feels so good.

Thank you both again it means so much to me that you guys helped me find it 💜

🕸️

I'm so glad you were able to find it!! I hope it's been giving you the comfort you need.

I hope that today was a little brighter for you, I'm sorry things have been so hard lately. I'm glad you have someone who is checking in on you and taking care of you as best she can.

And I'm glad you're feeling good about the Death Pages, it's so nice to have something to work on and look forward too when things are shitty. I'm here, if you need someone to talk to or somewhere to vent (even if you just want to dump some venting into my ask box that you don't want me to publish just to get it out, whatever helps, you know). Sending you so so much love Webby, you deserve all good things. ♥

[lizard12323]

Welcome to my basement cave!

(Pinned post will be updated randomly)

You may call me Lizard or Icewolf.

DNI: Homophobia, Transphobia, Heterophobia, Racism, Ableism, Zionism, MAP's, Pedophilia, Zoophilia, Proship, Incest, bigots, TERFs, feminism, anti-furry, anti-therian, aphobia. (I will add more later.) If you are one or like one of these then I will not interact with you and if it will be clear then I will block you.

(What I mean by "Heterophobia" is basically when people specifically hate heterosexuals. I do not accept anything like this on my blog.)

(I want my blog to not have people who hate specific groups like the LGBTQIA+ community in it. I am part of the LGBT community which means I'm obviously not allowing anything like that.)

This blog isn't supposed to contain any kind of nsfw posts but if ya see any mistake containing nsfw then please tell me!

About me.

I am someone willing to generally talk about analog horror, AUs and OCs. And no, I'm not into nsfw just to be clear. I don't mind people making that kind of content but please just don't involve me in it.

That aside I don't mind being tagged (just don't tag me if there's nsfw content)

I don't mind just talking about small things nor talking about deeper things. I don't mind if you vent to me. I don't have much trauma so I really like listening to people who actually have trauma in order to understand people better.

You can tell me about your OCs and whatever you'd like. (As long as it's sfw of course)

Also feel free to ask me about my AUs, OCs and original species!

(Note: I will not be talking about Christianity due to personal reasons. If you disagree with my decision then just leave me alone.)

What I'd prefer not talking about/generally dislike.

As much as I love talking about random things I also hate some things. Not exactly hate but I'd still prefer not to talk about it.

Things I don't hate but I don't want to be talking about or interacting about: The Amazing Digital Circus, Vivziepop content. (I will add more later, I promise.)

I do enjoy talking to people who do care about what I like but I'd prefer having my own boundaries and preferences. I'm not exactly a human being but I am still a person.

I have my own reasons to not prefer talking about some things. Want to ask me? Then go and ask in DMs because I am not explaining all that in answers to asks. It's quite personal to me and the kind of personal that means I'm uncomfortable talking about it.

Want to ask me something?

Lizard

You can ask me to give a rating to your AU, headcanon or idea. You can also ask me slightly personal asks but if the ask it too personal, is about a fandom I don't really want to interact with or something in it seems like it is plagiarism then I will not add tags. This includes AUs most of the time.

Want to ask about a fandom? You can check out which fandoms I know and don't mind interacting with. You can also show me things such as pictures, I won't tag the answer if you don't mention it being tagged!

The reason I don't tag because of said reasons is just so you can still see the post but it won't be around somewhere, just in case.

I will absolutely not answer if the ask contains something I don't want to see.

If you send an ask about donating then sorry, I am not allowed to donate due to irl reasons, I wish I could but I cannot so the ask is useless.

I love asks about my OCs, AUs, Original species and headcanons! You can also talk about yours. (I need to see fun AUs, not as if I hate just the ideas!) And if you want you can help me with some or I can help me with some of yours! (But I'd recommend using DMs for that.)

Hive

Hive doesn't mind being asked questions, sometimes they even love answering them. Depending on the ask.

You can ask them about what I'm doing or/and small fun facts, thought I might not really like what they'll tell you.

They are generally calm and lovely at times. You can ask them about updates and/or status of the blog.

You can also ask them about my OCs and AUs if you please but you'd prefer telling me about your AUs and OCs.

Note: When I'm the only one active the ask button will be 'Ask lizard!' if I'm not active then it'll be 'Ask Hive!' if both are currently using the blog then it'll be 'Ask Hive and Lizard!'

Current fandoms.

Murder Drones, Wings of Fire, Carmen Sandiego, Nimona, HTTYD, Rain world (Downpour too), Subnautica (Below Zero too) and perhaps other fandoms I'm unsure/forgot about.

(There are some fandoms I'm unsure about for specific reasons so I don't really count them as the current fandoms)

Ships.

I don't mind any ships aside from proship, incest and ships that don't work out depending on the timeline or situation. But my favorites are Vuzi, eNVUzi/Vuzin, JulietTheif/Carulia, Moonwatcher x Carnelian, and perhaps more ships I don't really remember.

I do not have a 100% proper DNI list yet.

[kaelio]

Honestly DS9 and some other fandoms for me are feeling like how if you want to be lasting friends with an ex you probably need to spend some time away in the immediate aftermath while you’re all up in your feelings… to preserve my lasting love of this show and fandom I am kind of waiting out for these discourse kids to get bored and move on to something else (as they will) before jumping back in. I’m kind of curious WHY so many are into it rn now, it doesn’t seem to be related to the lockdown wave or the people Sid City brought in (who also seemed to be older)? This started like a couple years later? So I’m puzzled as to how a lot of dumb discoursey teens found this 30-yro show and flocked to it rather than some newer thing (though plenty of them are plaguing those too, like that’s why I feel like I slid off OFMD fandom so quickly despite loving that show and initially wanting to create so much content for it)

God, poor OFMD. A fun, strange low-impact romp with bastard-ass main characters that has been calcified in fanon and bizarre expectations.

Anyway yeah I'm not "out" of DS9 I just need some space for now. Fandom is not my job, and I don't like when it feels like one--for me, it's a way for me to artistically and emotionally vent somewhere that nothing matters. I live a very bureaucratic and staid life irl which can feel crushing and I need somewhere to explore art and ideas.

[the-enby-bird]

I see you reblogged an ask thingy, so if you're up to answering (I know I'm including a lot, feel free to only answer a few), I shall ask:

"🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?"

"🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?"

"✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉"

"🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?"

"🙋‍♀️ Do any irl people know you write fanfic?"

"🌞 Do you have a preferred time of day to write?"

"💖 What made you start writing?"

"❌ What's a trope you will never write?"

"🎯 Have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? Care to share which?"

"🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?"

"💞 Who's your comfort character[s]?"

"🧠 Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them."

"😬 Which of your fics would you be most horrified for friends, family, or coworkers to stumble upon?"

"📚 Would you ever want to turn writing into a career?"

Forgot I reblogged this post lmao

Sorry this took so long I never got the notification for this

~~~

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

That moment when a character who's trying to be strong and confident, or convince others that they're okay, loses the ability to do that. It's not something that shows up a lot in my published work, more in the top secret angst fics/drabbles, so, but it's always jdladhlshflsjf to read and right, y'know? Also when a character just fucking collapses for any reason and the other one just,,,, picks em up in a bridal carry and is just over there like,,,,, "you're okay babe" and I. *Sob bing*

🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

So it's a really old scene, and it only made me laugh cause I was kinda high on anesthetic, but there's this one scene in the old version of Destined that has,,,, Horror and somebody else? Joking around with Cross as a form of comfort, I thought it was funny at the time. Looking back it's kind of. Um. Cringy, for lack of a better word, but in my defense I was 13

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

Um. So this is really something that shows up in my shorter fics, the ones that I don't publish, (generally cause they're vent fics lmao) but sometimes my writing is like,,, really poetic, and I think it's nice. Also, just. For someone my age, and who's been writing as long as I have, I'm. Not terrible. I've improved, and I love that.

🎶 Do you listen to music while you write? What song have you been playing on loop lately?

I listen to music 24/7 and the song that's on repeat really depends on my current mood and interest-- there's not really any right now that I can think of, but I'm sure my poor Spotify has things to say about my constant listening to Poor Man's Poison

🙋‍♀️ Do any irl people know you write fanfic?

Yeah, a ton of people! Just none of them write Undertale, or at least not the same kind of Undertale, as I. Their writing is fabulous anyways, and it's nice to have people irl who I don't need to fear judgement from! <3

🌞 Do you have a preferred time of day to write?

I love writing late at night, and frankly inspiration oft fails to flow when it's not night. However, since school generally stops me from writing late at night- I need my beauty sleep- I also enjoy evenings and early mornings.

💖 What made you start writing?

Frankly, I haven't the slightest! That was so long ago that I have no clue anymore. My guess is it was a combination of my childhood love of reading and my overactive imagination; and a desire to put my thoughts somewhere solid. I've been "writing" since I was a toddler, but I truly got into it when I was 11/12. Far too long for me to remember.

❌ What's a trope you will never write?

I don't much like enemies to lovers, but not enough to never ever write it. So, I guess there's not too many? To be honest, I don't really feel like I've explored different genres and tropes enough to give this one an answer.

🎯 Have any of your readers accurately guessed major plot points? Care to share which?

Not that I remember? I'm usually not much for long fics or heavy foreshadowing so they haven't had many chances.

🤗 What advice would you give to new fanfic writers that are just getting started?

Just keep writing. But- don't force yourself to write something if it's not making you happy to write. Most importantly: just keep going. It doesn't matter if it's good, or if it takes you months to write 100 words-- just keep going. If it's something that makes you happy, it doesn't matter if it's good. It just needs to be. Go tell your stories, babes, anyone who judges you is just a dick and not worth listening to anyways <3

💞 Who's your comfort character[s]?

Ough this list is so long. Um. Horror, Cross, Dust, Blue, Swap Papyrus, Fell Papyrus, Toriel, Dream and NM, my little oc Ash who I never talk about cause they're just a lump of self indulgent bs, and Lust

There's more but I'm too lazy to list em all

😬 Which of your fics would you be most horrified for friends, family, or coworkers to stumble upon?

All of em? Mostly the older ones, but honestly I think I'd have an easier time listing which ones I wouldn't be too horrified about. (There's like. 3)

📚 Would you ever want to turn writing into a career?

Nah, it's just not my vibe. It's. Hard to explain, and there's a lot of reasons, but it can all just be summarized in no.

My dream careers rn are as a psychiatrist, psychologist, therapist, baker or veterinarian!

[hissterical-nyaan]

risky- 1,10

REALLY RISKY- 10

-🍋

1) Who do I want to be friends with? Honestly no one. Either irl or online! I already talk to all people here who matter and IRL batchmates are obnoxious annoying pieces of shit <3

10) Really old drawings or writing I have....I wrote everything on paper and then tore it apart so I don't really have any old writings. I have two drawings from 2017 tho!

I don't have any older works rn since I'm not at home

The drum set drawing is kinda special for me because this was the first time I realised something is wrong with my brain and I needed to vent my anger and sadness somewhere! If you notice veryyy closely you'll see the SANAM logo on the drum :p I found the band in 2017 and I loved some of their original songs! The puppy is just something I drew to get my mom's attention lmao

Risky risky 10) - something that made me laugh recently? Some turtle slap (pat) videos. For context me and @soradragon were talking about turtle mating rituals :p

[empty-unicorn87]

I'm just writing here because nobody from my rl uses tumblr and I needed to get out how much I miss an old friend of mine. People in my real life don't understand a lot about how my brain works due to my stupid BPD. I mean it's all well and good to understand what puts me in some moods but, fuck me! It shits me sometimes that people try to tell me what I'm thinking or how I'm supposed to feel about things. My old friend turned back to meth after being clean for a while, probably while I was pregnant with my now 3yo. She was there for me for my entire fucking pregnancy and the birth, aside from my partner (the baby's father), she was the only one who never once let me down and even planned a baby shower for me. Yeah when she was on meth she did wrong things, she lied, she stole, she fought, she manipulated (all the fun stuff drug addicts do). I stopped talking to her because I really didn't want drugs around my child (I saw them enough as a child).

I just have moments in my life when it's quiet and I'm either looking through pictures or thinking about things, that I really miss my old friend. I wish she knew. I wish I could talk to her without my partner and friends judging me for being soft and forgiving. It just makes me sad that I am missing someone who used to be so integrated into my world and now it's like she and I went through nothing together.

I guess I'm just venting because I have nobody irl to talk to about this and it's gotta go somewhere instead of floating around my head.

[lizzylucky]

WHY CAN'T I SAY NO

WHY CAN'T I COMMUNICATE

WHY CAN'T I EXPRESS MYSELF OR MY FRUSTRATIONS OR MY NEEDS TO REAL PEOPLE

I'm so tired, how come I can't express to people just how tired I am so they STOP giving me things to do 😭

It's been so many things this week and last week and the week before and in spite of the many "breaks" I've gotten it's all been too much. What happened that over the last half year I've become completely dysfunctional? Why can't I work even a part time job? Why can't I take care of myself? Why does none of my experience have permanence enough for me to share it with my therapist? Why do I feel like a literal child so much of the time?

I'm so overloaded today especially that I went partially non-verbal, and I don't even know if that's real enough a thing for it to be an excuse. I still talk! I DON'T WANT TO TALK! I DON'T WANT TO! WHY DO I? WHY IS MY DYSFUNCTION ITSELF DYSFUNCTIONAL?

I am not an angry person, typically. But I'm so close to lashing out. My adoptive sister, whom I love but whom I also probably have PTSD from, asked to borrow my black boots for a Halloween party my family is going to tomorrow. I wanted to wear those boots. They're my boots. She has black shoes, as she said she needed, I'm sure, somewhere.

WHY DID I SAY YES? WHY DID I SAY OKAY? Everytime she comes over to me to talk, to comment on it, to ask for the umpteenth time if it's okay, I say "yes", all monotone and unbothered. WHY?

WHY CAN'T I SAY NO?

I want to scream. I want to yell. No, some little internal monster wants to, because I don't scream and yell.

That same little monster wants to yell at my mom to stop treating me like an adult because I don't feel like one anymore, even though she has been nothing but kind and understanding. Another Something inside me wants to cry and hold onto her and ask for a day just she and I because people are too much. And I can do NEITHER because I can't communicate anything.

I have been so emotionally guarded, so professionally masked, for SO LONG, that I've locked those traits into place and I can't get rid of them! Even when I've broken something to the point that I am a different person now than I was months ago, even when I cannot function, even when I cannot recognize myself and no longer feel like a real person, those stupid mechanisms are rigid and stubborn to stay where they are.

Now I'm unable to function AND unable to get help. I don't want to blow up at anyone. I "can't" cry in front of people or show vulnerability, and I seem never to have developed the ability to communicate when something is wrong to real people. So. Here I am. Venting on Tumblr because the guilt of going to anyone specific irl would push me overboard.

My best hope right now is that I remember this post next time I go to therapy, and maybe I can have my therapist read it. Because I'm so tired of not really being okay. And So tired of not being able to ask for help or say that I'm not okay. I'm building a new kind of mask in place of the last one I broke, and this time it's shoving me into a world of dissociation beyond any level I've experienced in past years.

I swear if I were a child I'd have more than one person developing and living in my head, because the stress and loneliness and disconnection I feel all the time are tearing me apart in ways I can't truly explain.

Too many times now I've seen a stranger in the mirror, thought "I miss her" when coming upon old photos of myself, and felt something unrecognized yet undeniable that I've only ever associated with being a very small child.

Something is. So wrong. I've never been gripped so tightly by anhedonia in my life. I can't imagine any form of success or happiness in the future, no hope whatsoever. I don't want to die, but I don't want to live either, because I'm not living, and nothing at all feels like living anymore.

I miss talking to people. I miss involving myself in fandoms. I used to read, write, draw, hike, sing, play piano, drive, work, care about things, take care of myself and my health. I feel nothing about any of those things except loss in a way that can't be fixed by readministering myself to them.

Loss and guilt and anxiety and hopelessness. I don't know if I believe it possible to just. Be happy. For no reason, all the time, without effort. It sounds like a myth at this point.

No one has to read this or care about it. I know I'm not the only person in the world who's felt this way; there are too many people on this planet for that to even be somewhat likely. You don't have to worry about me saying Last Goodbyes because I'm not going that route, ever. But man I don't know if there's any other way right now that I would ever be able to make myself say these things outside of my own head. I'm so lost. I'm so broken. I cannot even imagine the life I had only months ago. I don't know who I am anymore.

I'm trying.

[suchacomet]

no need to respond if you don't want to for any reason, but I'm curious do you work on films or shows or both? and what type of work do you do on sets?

lol no worries! i don’t like to talk specifics about my real life bc i love having this blog as a place where i can vent without worrying that people will be able to identify me irl so i’m gonna be a bit vague, but yeah i do film! i went to school for film and i currently work in the industry but not in production. i loooooove being on set and spent my last semester of school basically pa-ing for all of my friends’ capstone projects, it was a fucking blast! i’m trying to get out of my current job and get more into production now that i’m in my new area though :) also thinking about going back to school for cinema studies but i think that’s further down the road for me tbh

when i am on set professionally i’m usually a pa, i once got paid to babysit gear for five hours outside in the summer heat and another time for operating a zoom call for a talent press circuit. i don’t wanna like, over-explain anything obvious but if you don’t know, pa stands for production assistant and they’re basically the grunts who do everything and anything their supervisor tells them to do. not glamorous but it’s great to feel useful and everyone’s gotta start somewhere! on a student set i got to gaff/grip (set up lighting/sound equipment, respectively) a bit and i operated a jib (basically a low-fi crane) AND a dolly (i pushed a truck that the cinematographer and his camera was on back and forth for like fifteen takes to get a good tracking shot) which made me feel very tough and cool even though my arms were trembling the entire time. i also script supervised on a few sets and i LOVE doing that, if i have a long-term career goal in production besides writer/director/producer (bc everyone who goes to school for film but didn’t go to Film School wants to be a writer/director/producer lmao) it’s definitely scripty <3 they’re the ones who check for continuity between takes and shots as well as making sure all lines are being hit and that shots in the same location but in different times in the script are differentiated etc., it’s a lot but it’s the perfect blend of practical organization and creativity that my brain loves. but tbh just being on set, especially a fiction scripted set, is just my favorite feeling in the world, i could be told to stand in the corner and hold sandbags for ten hours and be happy :)

[shortmage]

vent post cause i just need to say it somewhere but i was doing so well, i was feeling so good and happy and okay with myself and that makes how i feel right now even worse. im lonely and i feel so cut off from other people. the people i know alone i can't hang out with, my irl friends are in different states, i have no friends locally. the people in the discord severs i think of as friends but they probably don't think of me like that. i can't talk to my irl friends about fandom stuff so i can't even feel good about writing and fanfic and fandom shit cause THAT makes me feel more isolated when it used to be the thing i turned to. i want to write, i want to enjoy writing, i want to finish these fics and finish the au bingo and be happy to just write and not wait for kudos because if people don't like it then it's not worth anything right? beyond that i can't get the motivation to do stuff for school and it's like i worked so hard to get into this program and now im just throwing it away? is this even where im supposed to be? i just dont fucking know and im wasting everything.

yeah so, i feel really lonely and i feel terrible emotionally and mentally again and im just real tired.

[thaleleah]

didn't james cameron plan avatar before titanic even came out? that's so cool! the fact that they invented an actual language for avatar will always be amazing to me 🩵

(Except when he's killing off my favorite character in Avatar 2. That wasn't cool 😭)

was it jakes oldest son? i forgot his name 😭 yea james cameron is good at killing off fan favorites *cough cough* jack dawson *cough cough*

the whole anti aging up community is so fucking annoying. i'm actually convinced it's a bunch kids who are sending in hate tbh. and if it's adults doing it... then that's fucking embarrassing and pathetic and sad. even with the dark content community, there are a lot of trolls who think just because you read or write non con - you "need to seek help"... like stfu, mind your own damn business and don't fucking interact. we don't condone any of that stuff irl... it's literal fiction ✨

there was this one girl on here who wanted to round up a group of tumblr users to block writers on here who use the dark/noncon tag... and in my head i was like... yeah... good luck with that honey 😂 now here's the twist... this girl also writes for avatar 😂

exactly tal. when using the right tags, you should be fine and not run into anything you don't want to read. and please... read the warnings people 🤦🏻‍♀️ 😂

omg tal your avatar blog looks beautiful 🩵✨ it's like another world omg i love it!! i can't wait to check out your spider fics and shall report back to you 🫡

now... let's get into the vent…

tal… this pissed me the fuck off. who the fuck does this pos excuse of a human think he is to be treating your mom like that? okay, so i’m like your mom too because i don't really like dogs either 😂 (ik ik i suck) i’m just a huge cat person 🩷 that’s so unfair to the kitties. personally, i never take my pets to someone else's house unless they ask me to bring them. and not the dogs using the bathroom inside the house… 🤦🏻‍♀️ are they not trained? that’s so not fair that your mom has to clean up someone else’s dog shit… like do they not even offer to clean it? it’s their fucking job not your moms... especially on her birthday... it’s her special day and this is how she's treated? stepshit and his brother belong in a ditch together. bunch of misogynistic assholes 🙄 after all that shit, he still expected your mom to clean the fucking house like some maid…? oh hell no. what a sexist pos 🤦🏻‍♀️

nooooo not the kitties stuff getting destroyed by the dogs 😭 that would have pissed me off so fucking bad. and the fact that his brother and wife didn’t do shit about it either… and the fact that stepshit gets mad at your mom for this is such disgusting and abusive behavior.

"you better shut your mouth unless you want to start a fight".

tal… give me this fuckers information so i can personally kill him for you 🫴🏻

your poor mom 🥺 i want to give her the biggest hug rn. the way he takes advantage and berates her has my blood boiling 😡 i want this man dead. the world would be a much better place without him and his abuse towards women. fucking bastard.

tal, i'm so sorry that happened. how are you and your mom doing now? 🩷

- 🍯🐝

He did! I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that he started thinking of ideas for Avatar as early as his high school days. Also, yes! The way I want to try to learn Na'vi so baaaaaad just to say that I did but I just don't have the energy to start lol. I do know a few words cause I use them in fics, but I'm not confident to string together full sentences yet. I have a friend who is pretty damn good at making sentences though! And I know another person who is trying to become as fluent as they can which is really cool.

Yesssssss, my favorite character was Neteyam 😭 James Cameron seems to like to kill off the older brothers in this franchise (he's done it three times including Neteyam) so now I'm fearful for the other older brother character that's left lol. Poor Jack though, he could have lived!!! 😭😭

(Actually, fun fact! James Cameron did an experiment to see if Jack could have survived if they both laid on the door and the answer was 'no' cause their combined weight would have make the door sink down further and made them both be submerged in the freezing water. He did few other experiments too to see if another scenario might have worked. It was actually really interesting to watch lol)

The whole "I don't like something so I'm gonna make a big deal about it" is sooooo stupid. I'm so tired of it. Everyone has a problem with everything and it's making fandom so un-fun. Everything is okay in fiction as long as it comes with the appropriate warnings. This is why it's so important to tag stuff right, especially 'taboo' topics like non-con. Aging-up is the same thing. If you don't like it, just click away?? Why would you put in extra effort and stress yourself out just to make someone else's life hell? If you don't like it, then that content isn't meant for you and you have the right to scroll away or block. You don't have the right to be a dick. Same with non-con. Some people read/write it cause its therapeutic for them and fuck anyone who says that they're fucked up for reading/writing it and it's not healthy. They don't have a right to say what's healthy for that person. And even if its not for a therapeutic use, it's okay to genuinely just like non-con stuff cause you like it. That's fine too. As long as it doesn't bleed into your real life, then it's fine. People need to get a life 🙄

(Does that person you mentioned who writes for Avatar write smut? Or is she a minor? I'm so curious)

THANK YOU! 🧡 I'm glad you like it! I was originally contemplating making it more Avatar themed once I decided that was going to be a strictly Avatar blog but now I'm too attached to my little green theme and can't bring myself to change it lol. Just feels right 😌 And yes! Let me know what you think of them! I hope I did him justice.

Soooo apparently, no one saw what the dogs did to that area before my stepdad's family left. It must have happened the day before cause my mom said she didn't go down there at all that day cause she was busy with the sister-in-law but it has to be a straight up lie that neither my stepdad nor his brother saw the mess. Someone had to let the dogs downstairs and those dogs are always following someone so that means one of them had to have been down there as it happened. So I call bullshit.

When my mom told me he said that, I swear I saw red. I don't hate anyone the way I hate my fucking stepdad and its like every single day he gives me more of a reason to hate his guts. You wanna be my passenger for when I actually hit him with my car? Cause that day might be soon cause this bitch is testing me.

I'm still pissed obviously and my mom is trying to shrug it off like usual. She's still cleaning the downstairs btw. It was that bad. Plus she had a mouse die in her car and didn't realize until she found the maggots - so she's been trying to clean that too. By herself, of course. Cause my stepdad is a piece of shit. She's going through it rn.

How are you, babes? 🧡