#but i kind of feel like revisiting it now so we'll see

[yourockthebeatofmyheart]

Favorite podcasts: Of Slippers and Spindles (2020-2023)

“Listen, I’ve got a whole other point to make about the fact that this woods is apparently infested with dangerous wolves and they’re sending, like, a seven-year-old in unescorted.”

A message for @droo216 & @intelligencehavingfun under the cut:

Thank you to Drew and Cassie for this lovely little show that reignited my love of fairy tales and telling classic stories in new, original ways. I've learned so much about storytelling, the art of adaptation, and, of course, fairy tales through OSAS, and it's been a welcome distraction through some rough patches in my life. Thanks for the laughs, the wisdom, the heated debates, and for sharing with us your friendship, your open-mindedness, and your passion for stories. Much love to you and yours 💕✨

[yourmidnightlover]

good vibrations

pairing: xavier thorpe x fem!reader

summary: you love been pent up for weeks now and just needed a quick release when you get interrupted by your best friend…

warnings: !not proofread! vibrators used (hahaha get it? the title), kinda simpy/puppy-esc xavier, unprotected piv, kinda bossy reader?

a/n: this is kind of a shortie, but it was in my head. i might revisit the idea and rewrite it much better, but we shall see. double post tonight… isn’t it wild??? anyways, enjoy, my loves <3

you knew xavier would be coming by soon to go with you to jericho for a late night outing. you just couldn’t help yourself.

you hadn’t been able to get yourself off for three weeks due to exams and everything going on. it didn’t help that your best friend, who you loved, always wanted to hang out. and you loved hanging out with him too! just not when you were horny as hell and absolutely had to get yourself off soon or you would explode.

at this point nothing would stop you from pulling out your vibrator and turning it on the lowest setting to get yourself worked up. god, the way it feels against your clit is perfect, even more so as you turn it up a level... again, and again until it's at its highest setting.

but it was still extremely hard to explain as he barged into your dorm, "you ready to go..." his eyes were trained on your vibrator positioned right between your legs, focused on that sensitive little nub that's been aching for days. you really weren't sure how he hadn't heard the vibrator from outside, it was on the highest setting. "yet?" his voice rose nearly three octaves as he spoke.

"i..." you had already switched the vibrator off before you froze for a second. you noticed him swiftly turning around, mumbling apologies as you covered yourself with your blanket, throwing your head back with a groan. "gahhh!" you practically growled. "I JUST WANT TO CUM, XAVIER!"

"ohhh my god," he swiftly switched back to reality as he began to walk towards the door.

"wait..." you told him as his hand was on the doorknob. "look, i'm sorry. i've just been a bit... frustrated and pent up the past few weeks. I figured i would take care of it before we went out because i really thought i was going to explode... anyway, i'm sorry."

"you-you don't have any reason to be," he shook his head as he turned towards you. "i mean it's natural for that to... y'know, yea. i mean i do it too, so i definitely know the feeling of needing that... release."

"exactly!" you sighed, glad that he wasn't repulsed by your actions... some people were weird about female masturbation. "do..." your mind began to wander. "do you feel that need right now?"

"y/n, i..." he ran his hand through his hir before taking a seat at your desk. "you don't know what you're even saying."

"then let me rephrase," you tossed your sheets off of your body, exposing your bare chest and body to him once more, "you can sit at the desk and watch me finish and then we'll go to jericho, or, we could help each other out with our frustrations?" you glanced down at his crotch, primarily the impressive bulge that only continued to grow.

"i-uh," you could see his chest beating harder as he eyed your pussy. "would-would that even be aright? like.. would that be alright with you?"

"do you know how long i've wanted this?" you sat up on the bed, your legs bent and wide open. "do you know what i was thinking about?" he shook his head 'no.' "i was thinking about your long fingers. about how long they are, how deep they would get inside me. god, i thought about you underneath me. how bad i want to sit on your hard dick and hear your moans."

"y/n," his breathing became audible as you now rose to your knees, reaching out to him as he approached you. you grasped his shirt's collar. "i really want you."

"thank fuck," you sighed as you let one hand cup the side of his neck, keeping eye contact as you leaned in until his lips finally touched yours.

his hands immediately went to your hips, gripping them hard enough to leave marks. he seemed hungry, starving even, for your touch. he began to roll his hips into yours before you used your own to roll him over on the bed, you hovering atop him.

"i think i'm gonna explode," his voice came out as a whimper, a beg for you to do something. "you're so perfect. always been perfect to me," your lips were attacking his neck, your hands working at his pants. "god, this must be a dream," his hands were roaming in your hair. "if it is a dream then i don't wanna wake up. not ever."

"xavier?"

"mhmm," your eyes finally met his with a kind but eager smile.

"help me get your pants off," you urged him, not even realizing that you had began to grind down on his legs. "now."

"mhmm-yea... yes," he lifted his hips for you so you could pull the elastic band down easier.

when you saw his dick spring up against his stomach the only word that came to your mind were: "holy fuck."

"wh-what is it?" he was now wearing a worried expression as if something had gone wrong, or he was disappointing in any way.

you grabbed his cock that was already leaking precum and began to lazily stroke it, "it's perfect, xay," you pressed one more kiss to his mouth before lining him up with your center. "so fucking perfect," you dragged your pussy up and down his dick as you asked, "condom? i'm clean and on birth control and i just… i just really need this."

"no, just... just do it," he nodded eagerly as his hands wandered over your body, grabbing at your breasts and hips. "please, y/n?"

you waited no longer, letting your pussy glide over his shaft, encompassing it in your own warmth. his mouth opened wide, small whimpers leaving his mouth before he clamped it shut, now biting down on his lip.

"god, it's so good," you let the thought that's been in your mind the past ten minutes of making out, the tension getting to you. "so good for me, xay," one hand was raking through his hair, gently tugging at the strands as the other was on his chest, used to keep yourself propped up.

"this really is heaven," he sighed as he threw his head back. "please don't stop," his hand went to the side of the bed, grabbing your vibrator before connecting it to your clit.

"holy fuck, that's so amazing, xavier," your body began to get out of rhythm, your hips staggering with every move you made.

"i've had dreams of this," he began to let his hips thrust up and down to meet your own. "god, i can feel the vibrating through your pussy. i've dreamed of this every way possible," he held onto you as your upper body collapsed on his chest, now letting his hips to all the work.

"i'm gonna-fuck," your arms were only tightening their hold around his neck. "i'm cumming, oh fuck-i'm cumming! don't stop, xavier, oh god!" you turned your face into his neck as your moans persisted.

"you feel so good, holy shit," his hips began to stutter as he fucked you through your high, bringing him to his own release. "where-fuck-where do you want it?"

"inside," you grasped tighly onto his hair, gently tugging on the roots. "need it inside."

"fuck," his hips stuttered once more as he filled your insides with his cum, letting a few more strokes fuck it all inside you.

you had a dazed smile plastered on your face when you muttered, “we’ve gotta do that more.”

[incorrectbatfam]

Have the Gooners had any direct or indirect encounters with any supervillains?

Interviewer: Tell me why you want to intern at LexCorp.

Booker: LexCorp? The ad said something else.

Interviewer: LexCorp is our parent company.

Booker: I see.

[later that day]

Booker: *finds an ad for criminals wanting an intern*

Booker: Well, it's either this or LexCorp.

Booker: *applies*

———————

Riddler: Behold, my ultimate puzzle!

Riddler: *clicks a remote*

Riddler: Why isn't the screen working?

Henchman: It's the new software update. I'm calling tech support.

Henchman: *calls*

Mac, on the other end: Best Buy Geek Squad, how may I assist you?

———————

[a year ago]

Gene's coworker: Hey Gene, can you do me a favor?

Gene: I would, but I'm totally swamped with this one guy's tax returns.

Gene's coworker: Which one?

Gene: Someone named Harvey Dent. There are so many discrepancies, it's like he's living two lives.

———————

Milo: *driving*

Milo: *sees a pedestrian*

Milo: *slams the brakes and honks*

Harley: Hey, I'm walkin' here!

———————

Otto: Morning, Basil. The usual wash?

Clayface: *nods*

Otto: Sounds good. I'll get your car clay-free in half an hour.

———————

[two years ago]

Cobblepot: Bartender, another drink!

Molly: Sir, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to cut you off.

Cobblepot: Who owns this lounge? Who's paying your salary?

Molly: Fine, what'll it be?

Cobblepot: Our finest red wine, of course.

Molly: Good choice.

Molly: *slips a sedative when he's not looking*

Molly: Here you go. Have a good night.

Cobblepot: What?

Molly: Nothing.

———————

[three years ago]

Talia: For this drill, I want to focus on distance. Team A, take the turrets. Team B, you're on the ground with arrows.

Kellin: *grabs a bow*

Talia: And... fire!

Kellin: *fires an arrow*

*arrow hits an oil lamp*

*lamp falls next to Ra's*

*cape catches fire*

———————

Blaise: *googles how to make his weed plants grow faster*

Blaise: *clicks on a video*

The video: Good afternoon, gardeners and plant lovers. I'm Dr. Pamela Isley and today I'll be showing you how to...

———————

[three years ago]

Scarecrow's assistant: Sir, one of your employees wants to see you.

Scarecrow: Send him in.

Rob: Dr. Crane, I'm Rob Steeler. I'm one of the people who intercepted that shipment containing the last ingredient you need for your new fear gas.

Scarecrow: And what do you need?

Rob: Can these other guys step out of the room? It's kind of personal.

Scarecrow: *waves them out*

Rob: *points a gun at Scarecrow*

Scarecrow: Somebody's feeling fearless.

Rob: Your new formula cost me the love of my life. I can see you reaching under your desk for some fear gas and I'm telling you right now, it won't work because the thing I'm most afraid of already came true.

Scarecrow: So you seek revenge.

Rob: Tempting, but no. I want an out—from you, your organization, and your operations. I don't want you or any of your big-shot Rogue connections to come anywhere near me or my family.

Scarecrow: And if I refuse?

Rob: *shoots the wall behind Scarecrow*

Scarecrow: Very well, have it your way. Best of luck finding any semblance of success. You and I both know you will live and die a common thief.

Rob: We'll revisit that when we meet in hell.

[aihoshiino]

chapter 134 thoughts!

My immediate first thought going into this chapter and seeing how it picks up from last week's cliffhanger is that while I thought last week that this conflict served as an excellent character beat for both Ruby and Kana, I feel less positively about it as the catalyst for long term RubyKana conflict. Maybe that's hypocritical because I like the similar AquKana conflict back during the LoveNow aftermath and this is basically just a roided up version of that but… IDK, I guess it helped that the AquKana conflict is very clearly a romcom style miscommunication and it ends up leading to one of my all time favourite and funniest character moments for Aqua, this… isn't that. In general I really hate the old tried conflict trope of "Character A betrays or is otherwise cruel to Character B For Their Own Good and refuses to communicate about it" so this was kind of irritating to see…

It also really doesn't help that Kana is going SO above and beyond in being cruel to Ruby here in comparison to the AquKana conflict where her short-sighted lashing out was being mostly played for laughs but still came back to bite her. There's just something a bit excessive in how deliberately and pointedly cold and mean to Ruby Kana is shown being here and I guess it just feels a bit icky to me though I obviously can't make a proper call on all this til we see its conclusion.

I also have to question like… why is everyone around them just letting this happen lol. Memcho not intervening I can at least make sense of because she's been shown to be feeling off her game and a bit out of her element so I could see all that combining to make her uncertain of what to do but… uh, is Miyako not paying any attention? Admittedly the timeframe here is a little vague so we don't know exactly how long this has been going on but it's been happening at least long enough for Ruby to be going to school and fretting about it to her friends. So the idea of Miyako either being unaware of this or not intervening in this is really baffling to me??? Especially off the back of chapters 124 and 126 making a point of how badly Miyako wants to reach out to Aqua and Ruby and support them as their mother - the only way I can justify this to myself is if Miyako somehow doesn't know this was going on but how would she not know??? Like, we see Gotanda and his assistants fretting over Ruby crying after her scenes! If they're well aware something is wrong, why not Miyako? She's Aqua and Ruby's manager! This is a Strawberry Productions produced movie! We've seen her on set before! Is she just… not here now that it would be inconvenient for the plot?

(The answer to that is 'yes')

Uh all that up there does make it sound like I disliked either this or last chapter but I actually really loved them both for reasons we'll get into soon! I think they're both strong individual chapters and as points in RubyKana's shared arc I actually do really like this conflict, what it says about them both and where it seems to be taking them. There are just a lot of small, piled up contrivances pushing this conflict along and I think they annoyed me so much BECAUSE I otherwise think this is some really tasty character work for both girls and I'm otherwise enjoying it.

My bitching aside, I do really like the talk that follows this. I've been revisiting a lot of the earlier material recently via friends re-reading or giving the series a try for the first time so I've been back in that space of Ruby being particularly starstruck with Frill. It's sweet to see their present day dynamic where Ruby is fully comfortable with Frill just as her friend and trusts her enough to share her worries with her.

aw hey minami we thought you were dead

This entire scene really got my brain gears whirring and I can't help but speculate a little about its placement. At first I was just nodding along, thinking this was just Industry Exposition as usual but… isn't this odd? We don't see how Ruby phrases this question so maybe she was vague but from an authorial standpoint, why is Akasaka having Frill talk about love instead of dislike or hostility, which is what is actually going on between Ruby and Kana? Reading over that scene again and again, I can't help but wonder… is this supposed to be taken as some commentary on what's going on between Ruby and Aqua? Is Ruby developing confusedly romantic feelings for him purely because of their 'playing the roles', so to speak, of Sarina and Gorou? After all, the only other similar 'showmances', so to speak, that this could be referring to are AquKana and AquAka, neither of which quite fit the bill, especially when Frill talks about immediately snapping out of those feelings once the show is over — which didn't happen in the least for either pairing. Is this a hint of something to do with Ruby's feelings? Am I reading too much into this??? I mean, I almost definitely am, but I do that every week so…

Hopping over to Kana, the scene between her and Memcho itches my brain less mostly just because it's reiterating things communicated last week. I've said all I'll say about it feeling weird to me that Mem isn't making a move to intervene here but I do like the talk she and Kana have about their human jealousy towards Ruby. Honestly, I have a lot of respect for their being able to push it aside for so long because… honestly, none of what Kana said is wrong!

The second generation of B-Komachi exists for Ruby. Strawberry Productions got back into the idol business entirely so Ruby would have a group to be part of. Kana and Mem were recruited so Ruby would have unitmates to perform with. It doesn't revolve around her to the extent the previous generation did Ai, but in a very real sense Kana is correct when she identifies herself and Memcho as 'extras' for B-Komachi, who exist for Ruby's sake. Not only that but Ruby honestly treated them really badly while she was in black hoshigan mode! Yes, we as readers know what was going on in her head and why but think about how all that probably seemed to Kana and Mem who had no idea: From their POV, what happened was that they broke into mainstream success at last and Ruby immediately left them in the dust, prioritizing her own growth and success in a way that had a very real impact on the fan response the two of them got while they were busting their asses and trying their best to keep B-Komachi going in her absence. I don't think they would be wrong to feel honestly kind of used and hurt!

Obviously this isn't me saying that Ruby is a bad person or that she deserves to have Kana snap at her like that or whatever but… I dunno! It just feels good to have Mem and Kana finally address those feelings and admit to them without it compromising their genuine love and care for Ruby, which is one one of the main ways that the current gen of B-Komachi has surpassed the previous one. Kana especially touches on something I discussed last week in that I think her half of this shared RubyKana arc is going to be about confronting and besting her 'inner Nino', so to speak. Like Nino, she has those same tangled up feelings of admiration and envy, but Kana is capable of confronting them and identifying them. Most importantly, she loves Ruby enough to not let them take her over completely.

ANYWAY FORGET ALL THE REST OF THIS STUFF BECAUSE THIS WAS SECRETLY AN AI POST THIS WHOLE TIME MFS!!!!!!!! oh god this chapter review is already so long and now it's about to get even longer.

Anyone who's read any of my OnK meta before will probably know that I have always stood by one thing that I won't compromise on: Hoshino Ai was just a normal girl. She was a normal girl who suffered abuse and neglect and hated herself as a result, who was exploited by the entertainment industry because she was pretty and vulnerable, who didn't understand people but spent every waking moment of her too-short life reaching out so she could try and love them. The idea of Ai being fundamentally mysterious or unknowable, that the so called 'real Ai' had some horrible dark secret or that the supposedly 'true' Ai really was as horrible as Ai thought herself to be have never resonated with me. The 'real me' that is so horrible that Ai can only speak of her with black stars is nothing more than the flawed, hurting, abused human behind Ai of B-Komachi. I've said this all along and yet there's always been a little part of me worried that Akasaka was going to pull a fast one and betray that idea and rupture the heart of this character I've come to love so much.

To that end — I cannot tell you how insanely fucking cathartic the ending of this chapter was. To have Ruby at last come face to face with her mother as a human being and recognize her for who she really is. That this key final puzzle piece of the real Ai is centered on her pain and her loneliness and her raw humanity, that Ruby describes her as just a normal girl who was always crying and in pain… I genuinely don't have words to say how incredible it felt to finally, FINALLY have someone recognize Ai's suffering. And not just anyone, but one of Ai's children, one of the people she loved more than anything else in the world.

The imagery and framing here is so insanely powerful. Ai taking the place of Ruby's reflection, the look of weary, resigned pain on her face. How small Ai is when Ruby sees her. The barrier of the glass between them; even now in this moment of understanding, the unbreechable barrier of Ai's death keeps Ruby from truly reaching her. It almost feels skeuomorphic in how literal the visualization of this moment of connection and empathy is. Ruby literally sees herself in Ai — she sees Ai in herself. It's pure empathy made as real and tangible as it gets. At long, long last, someone has squinted past the blinding light cast by Ai of B-Komachi and seen Hoshino Ai alone in the shadows where she's been this whole time.

Break next week…! That was to be expected — Jump Festa 2024 will be taking place next weekend and there will be a OnK panel with the seiyuu for Ai, Aqua, Kana and Akane in attendance. We're confirmed to be getting some season 2 news as well, so there's that to look forward to!

[punsmaster69]

5/JAN/20XX

well. it's his, but somehow i woke up with that stuffed bear on my bed.

he must've forgotten to get it.

also on the end of my bed was papyrus, but he got up sometime before me.

last night he wanted me to read to him, but also wanted for me to rest.

so he ended up falling asleep on the end of my bed.

thought about waking him, but he looked peaceful. (at first.) ended up tossin' my blanket over him instead.

but. it's on me now, so i suppose it was returned before long.

——

papyrus looked out the window and slowly sipped from his cup. coffee, for once.

i'd have asked what changed, but he's not very good at pretending to sleep. his restless inability to stay still after waking up in the middle of the night told me all i needed to know.

won't tell him that he kept me up as well.

"mornin'."

i stepped up to the window beside him.

"GOOD MORNING."

he did a double take when he looked at me.

"ONE OF YOUR EYES ARE BACK ON!"

"oh. sick."

rain patters against the window.

i can't stop my attention from following one droplet in particular, comparing it to the speed of the others as if they were racing.

"IT FEELS LIKE..."

"EVERY TIME AFTER SOMETHING HAPPENS TO YOU, IT RAINS."

"just lucky, i guess."

"ARE WE SURE YOU'RE NOT ALLERGIC TO POOR ONCOMING WEATHER CONDITIONS?"

"that would be kinda rad."

"HOW IS THAT 'RAD'?"

"think about it."

"i'd make a killing as a weatherman."

"assuming the weather allergen didn't kill me first."

"YOU SUDDENLY COLLAPSE AND THEY JUST GO, 'OH, SANS IS DOWN. IT'S GONNA STORM TOMORROW.' "

"if it works it works."

i poured myself a coffee too, and pulled a chair up to the window. papyrus did the same, and we watched together as the rain took away what last bit of snow was still left.

"WE DIDN'T HAVE NEARLY ENOUGH TIME THIS YEAR."

"with the snow?"

"YEAH."

"at least it did snow at all."

"I MISS IT ALREADY."

"we can always revisit snowdin."

"IT'S DIFFERENT ON THE SURFACE."

"UP HERE IS SNOW THAT GLITTERS BEAUTIFULLY IN THE SUN; SNOW THAT VARIES IN CONSISTENCY FROM TIME TO TIME..."

"THAT'S THE KIND OF SNOW I WANT!!"

"i could point a flashlight at the at the stuff in snowdin. or throw some sparkles on it. might glitter then."

"NO..."

"and i could bring a hair dryer, to melt the snow a little of it so the texture's different."

"THAT'S JUST ENTIRELY WRONG."

"I DON'T WANT 𝙎𝙇𝙐𝙎𝙃."

"but it 𝘪𝘴 a different consistency."

"I DON'T WANT 𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗧 KIND OF DIFFERENT."

"i don't 𝘴𝘯𝘰𝘸 what you mean then."

"DIFFERENT LIKE BETWEEN PACKING SNOW AND POWERED SNOW, I MEAN."

"......"

"wow. my brother is a snow expert."

"EXPERT??"

"snow 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘶𝘳."

"HMMM..."

"I 𝘈𝘔 A CONNOISSEUR AT EVERYTHING, SO IT MUST BE TRUE."

"must be."

"DOES THIS MEAN I'LL HAVE TO START BEING PARTICULARLY PICKY ABOUT SNOW?"

"one is not given the connoisseur title for their accepting of just any old snow."

"THEN IN FUTURE, LEAVE IT TO MY DISCERNING EYESOCKETS TO IDENTIFY THE BEST SNOW!"

"i trust your sockets."

"....."

"with everything lately, i can't say i really trust my own."

"YOU'VE GOT A LIGHT BACK. THAT'S PROGRESS!"

"but i can't use powerful magic or i'll lose it again."

"THAT... IT'LL JUST TAKE TIME, I'M SURE."

"ONCE YOUR EYE HEALS, I'M CERTAIN IT'LL GO BACK EXACTLY TO THE WAY IT WAS!"

"and if it doesn't..."

"WE'LL JUST HAVE TO COME UP WITH REALLY COOL FORMATIONS FOR YOUR REGULAR ATTACKS!"

he gave a bright smile.

papyrus' optimism made me feel a little better.

"HOW IS YOUR VISION DOING?"

"could be better."

"could be worse."

"IS IT STILL FUZZY?"

"from a distance."

"CAN YOU SEE ME RIGHT NOW?"

"yep."

"i can see the whipped cream on your face too."

"AH-?"

"WHOOPS."

"DO YOU WANT SOME IN YOUR COFFEE, TOO?"

"ehhh.."

"sure."

"why not?"

whipped cream mustaches sounded fun.

[probablyhuntersmom]

Brief Meta on Memories and Traumatic Grief

Memories change over time and don't stay exactly the same. Each one is fluid, tied to a web of ever-changing associations we draw between them and other thoughts, and we actually make small edits each time we revisit them, like small tweaks in a word doc file that we may hardly notice.

But we are undoubtedly rewriting them over time, changing the narrative even if not by much, forming new associations big and small with them by weaving other thoughts/feelings/beliefs/perspectives/memories with them, no matter how consciously or subconsciously we do so. It's like playing the telephone game with ourselves without being able to stop it.

The fascinating thing about this is it opens up room for trauma treatment approaches such as Eye Movement Desensitizing and Reprocessing (EMDR), narrative therapy, journaling, memory rescripting etc to be effective, since memories are therefore subjective. Memories are always malleable, though at the same time they have foundational roots.

Which brings me to the above. I believe it was tremendously important that others were physically present and right next to him in the moments right after Flapjack faded away. Trusted loved ones who felt the same kind of emotions as he was, to collectively grieve as a group (hell, there hasn't even been time for them to properly mourn without rushing the process. Not yet). This would've influenced the forming of Hunter's traumatic memories related in any way to Flapjack dying.

Instances like below - him being held tightly and soothed while being in an unmatched level of pain - must have shaped the newly forming memories in a major way:

Oddly enough, this scenario in which a death has just occurred has some similarities with its opposite: birth 🤔🤔🤔🤔 The minutes and hours after any childbirth are a very sensitive window for foundations of a sense of safety, emotional regulation and even physiological processes to be built. That's why newborn infants should have pretty much constant physical touch with caregivers via e.g. skin-to-skin contact for healthy bonding to take place. *tempted to philosophize more about birth vs death but I'm holding back from being unnecessarily lengthy*

Back to Hunter's major traumatic loss above. I'm referencing it because it's not long till we'll see him witness Belos be imprisoned, dying or however way in which he will be defeated. How could this impact on all the Belos-related memories and Flapjack-related memories he will keep recalling for the rest of his life?

I think he will require the exact same type of support once that milestone of his life - truly losing Belos - arrives. This but on a way bigger scale:

Why? Because there's no way this part of him has totally disappeared, even now:

There are formative memories do to with Belos which can't be whisked away with a Delete button. There are a number of factors influencing how he's going to absorb the seconds/minutes of that upcoming loss in Watching and Dreaming. The hours afterward will matter so much too. Will he witness that loss with his own eyes or e.g. might Camila pull him close into an embrace and tell him not to look? Will he have an active role in making the moment of Belos's defeat happen, or might he watch passively from a distance? Will Belos say anything to him while it happens, or not? If yes, what are the words Hunter will hear? What thoughts and feelings will he have about himself, and what memories will fill his mind while it happens? Who else is there with him during and right after it happens, and what do they tell him? All these will add up to form his experience of that loss (which is made more complicated because it is also a major gain/win for him). There is no way through this where he escapes further loss (which coexists in a messy way with gain), since trauma be like that.

Examples of other important moments in other media that portray what I'm trying to explain include this part of Avatar: The Last Airbender..

where Katara is by Zuko's side as he watches Azula, his sister, have a nervous breakdown. The physical touch from Katara matters. The memory of this event is forming in Zuko's mind and being shaped in real-time. and will continue to be shaped over time.

Another one I remembered is this moment of Silver shielding Jim in Treasure Planet (the supernova scene) when Jim's skills as a crew member (which he bet all of his self-worth on) were truly being tested:

This proved to be vital "cushioning" for what happens right afterwards: Jim, already stricken with a fragile sense of identity and no self-love, being blamed for the death of a crew member.

The last example is from How to Train Your Dragon 2. Hiccup not being on his own during his father's death and funeral:

A negative, dark example is Jinx losing Silco in Arcane:

Nobody to soothe and hold her (because she rejected Vi's help due to lack of trust), and she had been the one to end his life.

Whether a parental figure we lose has been kind or cruel to us, grief is unavoidable when they are gone. Hunter's is on a exaggerated level in fiction since Belos technically murdered him via the possession and he had to be brought back to life via external means (Flapjack's sacrifice).

I was especially compelled to write this meta after a fresh realization that being physically alone and hidden in the crucial minutes and hours after a few life-altering incidents in past decades, significantly prolonged my recovery time from such awful traumatic memories. But I'm very glad Hunter should be in excellent hands having to say that complicated goodbye (which realistically, will not be a one-time send-off) to his 'uncle', which he most definitely won't be responding to with a triumphant Hollywood kind of smile on his face.

SOMEBODY HAS TO TAKE CARE OF THIS BBY AND PUT A BLANKET OVER HIM

[hum-suffer]

We'll say hello again (Nevermind the chasm between us) 11

How dare he.

Rage, unlike anything, courses through Gauri's veins as she spars with Bhairav, now using live steel swords too. She has kept her fury aside for a day, she knows just why Uncle Bijjaldev would have the reason to kill her and she knows Amar doesn't think he did it.

He wouldn't, Amar is so wrapped in the idea of a family that he can't revisit the words that their uncle throws casually, like they are of no matter. But Gauri knows. She knows and she remembers.

"You two are so close. It's inappropriate." "I wouldn't live without him."

"He's your elder brother, have respect! He's your better!"

"He will be the future king, won't you, Bhalla?"

"Your father was made to sit on the throne instead of me. Who wants a cripple on the throne?" "That's enough, husband." "Yes, why should I ever talk to the spawns of my throne stealing brother?"

"You both are contenders for King." "Wrongfully, I say. My brother stole my throne, his son can't steal it from my son."

"If Gauri doesn't get the same respect as me, I'm not going there." "You'll stick to her for the rest of your life, boy?" "Whatever will my life be, without my twin?"

She knows.

She heaves a deep sigh of frustration and kicks Bhairav in the chest. He stumbles but steadies himself in a beat. He adjusts his grip on his sword and Gauri mimics his movements almost subconsciously, so used to repeating his movements with swords. Bhairav charges at her and she side steps him, using her momentum to try to throw Bhairav on the ground. But, he's clever. He sidesteps her and Gauri is left fumbling with her footing until she uses her sword as a leverage to balance.

"Wrong!" Katappa shouts,"Never use your sword on the ground— it blunts the sharp edge!"

"What are you for, then, Katappa?" Bhalla jeers with a laugh behind them as Gauri takes a better position again. Her bangles, two as they are, tinkle and provide a sound that is almost soothing to her as she defends herself from Bhairav's attacks again.

Her fingers shake but she breathes through her nose and unclenches her jaw, readying to be more fluid.

The spar ends with bruises and small cuts littered over her arms and torso. Gauri pants above Bhairav as she points her sword precariously on his chest over his sparring armour. "Yield."

Bhairav nods curtly. "I yield, my princess."

She smiles at him as she offers her hand to him, out of sheer force of habit. She's always helped Amar stand up after they spar and while Bhairav hasn't particularly needed the help since he normally doesn't end up on the ground, she realises that she should actually offer him help and it's a good thing.

Bhairav appears startled and blinks at her with doe-like innocence that doesn't match with the armour he adorns. Gauri raises her eyebrows at him. "Come, Bhairav."

He sits up slowly and Gauri keeps her arm stretched. She knows he has issues accepting any familiarity that she brings in their dynamic but she's determined to bring the boy to the level where he is no longer surprised by any kindness on her part.

(She remembers feeling abandoned. Sitting alone at the dining table away from her brothers when she got her periods for the first time. It was also the time that Maa decided to let the boys know just how much of a responsibility Kingship is.

She remembers Bahu moving seats deliberately to sit beside her. She remembers his hand on hers. She remembers him stealing food from her plate. The forced casual demeanor of his kindness was an open challenge to anyone who dared to disrespect her in any manner. His dagger lay on top of the dining table when a guest minister opened his mouth to speak while directing the two of them a scowl.)

"Princess, I can't—"

"You can." She speaks when she knows he's not going to complete his sentence.

"He's your sworn sword, Gauri," Bhalla says, snidely,"Maintain a decorum."

She glances sharply at him to see Bahu elbowing him. Good. "I shall treat my sworn sword however I see fit, Bhalla." She looks back at Bhairav, who's still sitting on the ground, completely flabbergasted. "Come, Bhairav. We have to go to the library as well."

He still looks surprised but painstakingly puts his hand in hers. Gauri tightens her hold on him and pulls him but it's clear he's carrying almost all of his own weight. She throws him an unimpressed look and begins walking away, irrationally irritated at him.

She knows she shouldn't be, but what must a girl do when absolutely nothing goes her way?

She strides out of the arena with a gait she knows makes her irritation obvious. Bhairav trails behind her until they're away from the crowd and she slows down, painstakingly walking at a snail's pace to let Bhairav catch up to her. He doesn't.

Gauri bites her tongue, knows that her anger is completely irrational but still whips around, surprising Bhairav mid step.

He's limping.

She frowns at him. "You're hurt."

"No, my princess," he insists, startled. "It's probably just a bruise, I'll be at my best potential nonetheless."

Gauri scowls harder. "I don't care about your potential more than you care about my title, Bhairav." She walks towards him and kneels,"What hurts you?"

Bhairav takes a step back and Gauri gives him a cool look, knowing just how much Katappa has forced the boy to be in absolutely impeccable manners. "Please, you mustn't! Get up, my princess, please!"

"Bhairav. I asked you out of honor for our friendship." She sees surprise flutter in his eyes for a moment, along with confusion and crashes her own hopes. He's never seen her as something other than his job. She's never had a friend all along. "Do not make me order you to obey, Bhairav."

He shakes his head at her and pleads,"My princess, please! You mustn't sully yourself with anything concerning me, I will be absolutely fine!"

"It's an order, Bhairav. What hurts you?"

She doesn't like exercising her power over his autonomy but his reservations leave her no choice. He swallows hesitantly and looks down,"My left ankle."

Gauri takes a look at his ankle, it doesn't appear to be bruised but it's swollen at the outer side of his foot. She's been aspiring to be a medical apprentice, she knows this could probably mean a fracture. She pushes to her feet.

"How did this happen?"

"I accidentally put too much pressure on my ankle while I fell, my princess." He says, sounding like a properly chastised child. Gauri sighs, wondering why every man she knows is as stubborn as this.

"And you couldn't have told me, why? I was walking too fast for you to catch up without hurting yourself, you could have spoken up!" She shakes her head at him, her irritation coming back to her in full force. He may not consider her his friend, but he surely is her friend and she wants to do right by him, damn his courtesy.

Bhairav continues looking down. "You needn't accommodate my irregularities, my princess. I will be as functional as ever, I swear that to you."

"Bhairavrath Prabhu," she's not called him by his full name in a while, she thinks amid her anger,"You are my concern. You are my responsibility. And you are my friend. Your health is also a concern of mine and if you injure yourself, it is my responsibility to give you proper care. Do not make me fail again. I couldn't care less about your function as my guard over your health. Do you understand, Bhairav?"

He looks surprised again, almost like he can't digest what she's saying but automatically nods. He will say yes to anything she does and wants, he's hardwired to do that. Her heart aches at his predicament and she wills her anger away.

"Sit here, I shall call a guard to bring Vaidhyashree Amba here." She points at the containers that line the walls of the empty corridor, knowing that they were used for kitchen transport and wouldn't be needed until late afternoon.

Bhairav shakes his head frantically, finally meeting her eyes,"No! You cannot go alone, my princess, you're already in danger. I apologise, but I cannot allow that!"

"And I will not allow you to suffer!" She glares at him, hoping it will stick in his head,"Sit down, Bhairav. I will find another guard at the end of the corridor. I will be in your sights. And I will be back in a moment."

Bhairav's eyes should be considered weapons.

He looks at her, again, pleading. "Please," he says softly,"I cannot fail you, my princess."

Gauri takes another step towards him. "And you shan't. I trust you, Bhairav. Watch over me for a while and I will be back to you soon."

He still looks unsure but nods jerkily.

Gauri feels his eyes at her at all moments that she's away, and she can see him relax when she's back to him. She pointedly looks at the containers and he sits down meekly, seemingly afraid of her ire now that he's not worried a shadow will jump out and kill her.

»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»

Gauri sighs at the looks she gets when she's late to lunch.

She had been relieved beyond measure when the healer had diagnosed that Bhairav only had a sprain and nothing too serious. She spent the rest of her time arguing with Bhairav to take rest for the week. As always, all his shyness seemed to vaporise when arguing with her about her safety and he'd bring her down to take the day off.

But Gauri is nothing if not stubborn and she brought him down from following her everywhere to guarding her door at night. Yamuna, her other guard, will follow her for the time until Bhairav is healed.

Amar glances at her nervously. He'd been scared out of his mind when she didn't show up to the Library and he'd run across the palace to find her when he got her message that she was in the infirmary. He wished Bhairav to get well soon and since has been hovering.

"I hear you're becoming friendly with your servants." Uncle says, a sneer on his face. Gauri throws a glare at Bhalla, who returns the irritation. "Do you not know your limits as a princess? Your behaviour is a reflection of the royal family. Stop behaving like a—"

He doesn't get to finish his sentence. Amar's empty plate falls on the ground with a loud clang. He looks unapologetic as he deadpans,"Oops." He raises an eyebrow at their uncle and bends down to pick up his plate. Out of sheer habit, Gauri covers his head with her hand and then slaps the back of his head when he tries to straighten up too fast and ends up hitting her hand on the table's edge. His head would have borne the damage if her hand hadn't been there.

He caresses her hand almost absentmindedly as he requests Mohan, their server, to serve him. Gauri sees their uncle throw a dirty look at Maa and realises Maa must have signaled him to let the conversation drop.

"Children, I would like to discuss something extremely important with you." Maa says, making sure to hold their gazes,"You're going to be sixteen next year and after that, you will have to choose what speciation you want in your education. You will continue to learn everything you are now, but the specifications will help you grow as a person as well as in the roles you will play in the future."

"What's there to discuss?" Uncle says before any of them can speak. "Bhalla will learn politics and tactics to be the future king, it's absolutely essential for him. Bahubali can learn better sword fighting to be the senapati."

Bhalla raises his eyebrows at Gauri. "What will you learn, sister? Weight lifting?"

She kicks him under the table. He kicks back.

"I asked the three of you. Speak. And the future king of Mahishamati has not yet been decided. After you two turn twenty five, you will be tested again to see who has the better ability to rule."

"As father said, I'd like to learn politics and war tactics further." Bhalla says, scowling for a moment before he purses his lips.

Bahu shrugs. "I'd like to learn more about finance as well as weapons, Maa."

What a boring boy.

"I am still undecided between medicine and social studies, Maa," Gauri says,"They both seem equally essential to me for the welfare of the society as well as my career."

"Career?" Uncle raises an eyebrow.

Gauri nods, forcing a smile on her face. "Why, uncle, whichever of my brothers becomes the King, he will need a cabinet of competent ministers, will he not?"

Maa nods. "Yes. Ministers and officials of a state are almost as important as the ruler. They have the ability to build or ruin a state." Maa smiles at the three of them. "I've noted your preferences. However, you have to promise me to do your best at your chosen fields. You still have a year, if you wish to change your ideas. However, I expect nothing less than sincerity and excellence."

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The next night, Gauri finds Bhairav posted on her doors the moment she returns to her chambers after dinner.

It was quite strange, not having Bhairav beside her. Yamuna is a great company, if a bit hesitant to comment and lacking the same audacious humour Bhairav has. She laughs and comments sarcastically on everything but Gauri's behaviour. She talks with Gauri about her interests, about how she wishes to marry the man who lives across her house and owns a pottery shop. Yamuna shares details of her life with Gauri as if they were colleagues.

It makes Gauri realise that she doesn't know anything about Bhairav.

But Yamuna isn't Bhairav.

"Bhairav." Gauri greets him with a smile that reaches her eyes. To see him in perfect health is relieving.

Bhairav bows his head at her with a small smile of his own. "My princess."

"How is your foot, Bhairav?"

"It's fine, my princess," he says, almost sounding resigned,"You needn't worry, the healer says I can be back to duty in a couple of days at best."

Gauri raises her eyebrows. "I did not ask you about your functionality but your health, Bhairav." She looks down at his heavily bandaged foot with a frown. "Don't keep standing all night, you will hurt yourself more."

But there's nothing that he can use as a seat and Gauri knows just how stubborn the boy is. Bhairav just nods at her words in a way that she's come to recognise. It's meant to placate her enough to lead her attention elsewhere while he completely disregards her advice.

Gauri scowls at him. "Will you obey every order I give you, Bhairav?"

He immediately nods, bowing his head again. "Anything you wish, my princess. I'm at your service."

She opens her chamber doors. "Come in," she says, and he hesitates only a moment before following her like a lost puppy. She knows she must keep the doors open in case someone passes by and assumes the worst if they see closed doors. She points at the stool at her dressing table. "Get yourself that stool and guard my doors while sitting on that."

Bhairav shakes his head,"I cannot—"

Gauri doesn't have any patience to deal with his reluctance tonight, not after she performed terribly in arithmetics today. "It wasn't a request, Bhairav. Get it done. I do not want to see myself disobeyed, yes?"

He mutters a quick sullen apology and Gauri feels guilt bloom in her chest as well but she sees to it that he lifts her stool out and sets it near the right corner of her door, the best vantage point. "I'm going to sleep, Bhairav," she says, staring him down,"But that does not mean that you will disobey my orders. Sit down and guard me. Your leg does not need to suffer for me to be safe. Your sword is enough to guarantee my safety."

He nods, ears turning red. "Yes, my princess. I shall do as you wish."

"Thank you," she says. Gauri hesitates a moment before she sighs and moves closer to Bhairav. "I apologise for my rudeness, Bhairav. However, I will not have you compromising yourself. Your safety is my priority as well. I swore to shield you too. You are my friend too. Your health is a necessary component for me."

Bhairav smiles softly at her. "I understand, my princess. I promise to not disobey you. And I apologise for being difficult."

I'm not used to someone caring for me.

The unspoken sentence stays between them like a god only they can see.

I will make you used to it.

The promise that Gauri makes to herself as well as him helps her resolve to find whoever wants her dead. She knows Bhairav will be paranoid until the culprit is captured and she also knows the original culprit will never be in the dungeons but the conspirators can end up dead.

Gauri looks forward to that.

=================================

Tagging: @alhad-si-simran @vijayasena @voidsteffy @satanicallysatanicchild

This is kinda shorter than usual ig but it's all I can write for now lol, too much exam stress

[66sharkteeth]

Hey there, 66! Hope you're doing great. I have been going through your account for the past few hours (this reminds me of that one time I stayed up till 2 am as I appreciated all the artworks on your Instagram) so I know you've heard this several times, but I wanted to say it myself too: your work is wonderful. Believe me, I absolutely love it!

I found City of Blank years ago, during its first season. I read it all, and was quite impressed with the concept, intrigued by the plot, and in love with the characters. But before the next season started, I dropped out of reading Webtoons completely, as far as I remember. Long story short, I revisited Webtoon recently, read a few episodes of City of Blank, and was hooked. Yep. I binge-read the entire rest of the episodes in... three to five days?

So I want to commend you on your amazing concept, beautiful and eye-catching art, plot that keeps me reading late into the night (and at the dining table, between my studies, every single chance I get), the characters (really, they're very well-written — please don't doubt that — and unique, with different stories and personalities, I just love them), and the themes too (incorporated nicely, and it does make me wonder what it means to be a human). The way you write grey characters is one of the best things in your story, I feel.

(I feel like I should give you specific examples of what I like, but I have a tendency of talking too much, as you can see, so this will get way too long, I think... and sorry about the already huge chunks of text. but I hope this make you feel happy somehow)

Alright, now onto my actual questions. They're actually not related to the webcomic itself, since I really can't think of anything interesting... But your story is really good, so here are some queries I have about writing in general.

Do you have any tips for thinking of ideas? About concepts, plot, whatever; how to really get your brain in that mode, you know.

How do you create such vibrant characters? My characters are so similar... there are at least three pairs of nearly-identical characters. And how do you make them flawed yet still so likable?

They are pretty general questions, my apologies. It's just that, you know, since I'm getting to interact with the creator of one of my current favourite stories, why not learn something from them? You can just answer with your personal processes or whatever, I just wished to know how you do it.

I'm really looking forward to the next episode (but take your time, I'm okay with waiting). Pretty sad that this is the last season though. I'll miss it. Could you maybe tell me the estimated date of return and how many more episodes we'll have? Just a rough idea will do too.

That's all. (At this point it'll come as a relief to you 😂) Have a wonderful week ahead, lots of love, and know that there are lots of people who genuinely enjoy your work, you adorable shark! ❤️

(also, don't know why I'm telling you, but this is my first ever interaction on Tumblr with literally anyone) (cool site, I like the easy formatting)

(If you've read this entire thing, thank you. Did I bother you too much? I hope not.)

Hey there! Gonna do my best to answer this since it's been in my inbox for a while, but apologies if it's not the most coherent as my head's still in a bit of a fog from a cold.

First off, thank you for the kind words. I remember they made my day when I first got this ask, but they made it again as I'm waking up w/ a throbbing head ache and coughing my lungs out from the NYCC 2023 Con Crud™.

Anyway, gonna answer your questions the best I can, especially because I'm not entirely sure what the best way to answer these kinds of questions are-

Do you have any tips for thinking of ideas? About concepts, plot, whatever; how to really get your brain in that mode, you know.

I think one thing I like to shape a lot of my concepts around is making something unordinary ordinary. I've talked about it before, but one of the inspirations behind blanks is shadow people, like the ghosts. They're so horrifying and creepy to me, and I thought it would be neat if I made a world where the most creepy and scary thing to me was just...super ordinary and mundane. Like a world where you go into your living room and you're like "Man, that shadow person is still standing in front of my tv. How obnoxious."

A lot of my upcoming ideas kind of focus around this concept too. What if we lived in a world where demons were just every day citizens that went to work and school with us? What if we lived in a world where nobody feared death and was excited for it? What if we lived in a world where half the population was in prison? I can't say every single story idea I have falls into this, but I'd say a lot of them do and I find it's often a kick off point for a lot of my ideas.

How do you create such vibrant characters? My characters are so similar... there are at least three pairs of nearly-identical characters. And how do you make them flawed yet still so likable?

Do I make them likable? Sometimes I can't tell when I look at characters like Lyss haha. Because I think she's a victim of how I write characters, which is just... I dunno, write them like they're real people. Everybody is mad at the decisions Lyss made but... I'm sorry. I'll forever die on the hill that everyone are hypocrites and 90% of people would have done the same thing in her shoes. Only a flawless, benevolent, and frankly kind of stupid, person would have just...let Rex go in those circumstances, evil other half be damned. He was still a danger who proved he couldn't control himself, and the same way you'd probably report your best friend who was driving raving drunk after he just smashed into someone, she reported a dangerous person. Even if people hate her for it, I wrote what any person would have done in that situation. And that's how I try to write all my characters, for better or for worse. A lot of Rex's stupid decisions are dictated by his anxiety and depression, and I know from firsthand experience how being in that state of mind can influence your decisions and overall outlook on life and the people who love you, despite what you may think. I guess my advice is just to give them human flaws. A lot of people don't like Nia because she's manipulative, but I write her as a character who 100% practices what she preaches. Yeah, she "gas lit" Rex into joining Blan Corp, but she also 1000% believed it was the best thing for him.

Desmond probably comes off as the more "flawless" characters, but his own self-loathing and... catholic blank guilt is a big part of what pushed Rex away. In the time when Rex was questioning and hating himself for being a blank, why would he ever go the one person who hates himself for being a blank more than him? When he could go to the person (Nia) who celebrates him being a blank, and reminds him he can be loved for being one.

Anyway, that's enough rambling for now. Hopefully that gives you some to chew on.

[thehobbyhypothesis]

Day 83 -

Throwing out the idea of backdating posts since I'm starting to realize that a post every day is the least fun part of this project! See: I just skipped two weeks or so of updates despite continuing my hobby every single day. But so here's a summary of everything I've done over the past two weeks or so!

I have become deeply addicted to Stardew Valley. I continue to mostly play my individual file but yesterday got together online with friends to do our little Co-Op game and that was super fun too!! I like coordinating with them about how we'll divide and conquer for the day, and battling monsters in the mines feels 10x easier just by tripling up.

I've given Super Mario Sunshine maybe two or three tries but I am struggling not to get overly frustrated with it :/ controls are hard & I get sad when I die & get sent back. Might try revisiting it another time or two, but I don't think this is gonna be the game for me (at least, not right now)

I've also tried another platformer - this time, on my partner's Steam account on his PC - called Braid, and I LOVE IT. I didn't realize at first, but it's kind of a Mario parody, and it is beautiful, with these lovely painting backgrounds and a truly gorgeous soundtrack. But it's a 2D, side-scrolling, puzzle-based game and I'm really enjoying it. You can control time in it, which makes for interesting (but totally solvable) puzzles, and means that when I die (which I do frequently), it's more fun-frustrating (and sometimes just downright funny) than getting sent back to the start.

MAJOR success found in playing It Takes Two on Switch with a childhood bff (who occasionally reads this despite not using tumblr anymore bc she is loverly). It is. SO MUCH FUN. It's a really well done co-op game, where your characters are working on everything in conjunction with each other and you need the teamwork to make any of it happen. We were on for like two? straight hours and I loved playing with her so muchly. They give like, juuuuuuust the right amount of hints too. And it was super fun to play together, at the end she was like "wow, we're masters of positive game talk" bc it was just a very encouraging & supportive vibe. We love to see it.

My only other update is that this is DEFINITELY a successful hobby addition, 100%, no doubts about it. I played Braid & my two Stardews for I think 6 hours combined yesterday. g4m3r gurl lyfe here I come

[splickedylit]

Watching you revisit your Homestuck AUs recently and seeing how much you've grown has given me new life. Definitely riding that nostalgia high, and it made me remember From Under Bridges— it was one of my faves from you and another prime example of how you manage to take clown church and make it into something really unique 👀 if ever you were inspired to revisit FUB with some hastily scribbled doodles or project notes, just know I, an anonymous fan, would be sighing dreamily into the void

Aww, haha! Let's see. If anybody remembers From Under Bridges (the unfinished concept/fic where Karkat is a scout in the ongoing landwar between the human and alternian empires and gets captured by the alphas/betas and culture clash and scheming ensue) here's an enormous post of thoughts. (Possibly art to follow, we'll see).

I have inserted a readmore because I love you all and respect your dash length, and this got...quite long.

needs more recognition of the self through the other. I feel like this is an underlying theme in a lot of culture-clash fic; I think that if I wrote FUB now, rather than being some kind of well-respected noble house or something, the alphas and betas would be the KIDS of well-respected noble houses, who were all scanadalous or inappropriate enough in some way to their society to get half-exiled to a "prestigious" guard post near the border

this gives them a reason to connect with Karkat, when it comes to light that he's also been outcast, because of his own societal rules/standards. It also makes it a secret that they have him, which makes things significantly more dramatic lol.

Maybe for extra backup theme, any ancestor/guardian we meet who IS culturally accepted has managed that by repressing some part of themself, trimming themself down to fit into the place that's been made for them? Primary theme is a good old-fashioned "we're not so different and the things that are different can be Good Actually", secondary themes of how sometimes societal/cultural norms that have been held for generations are cruel actually, and need to be let go of.

Related to the culture clash angle; the cultural dynamics need sprucing up. I'm all for a lot of the stuff I included in my original concepts for the trolls, intricate jewelry and facial markings for blood color, etc--but especially if the humans are presented as a kind of pseudo-european historical pastiche, it gives everything some uncomfortable Noble Savage flavor in retrospect. Chalk another one up to "sheltered white teenager tries to do culture clash", lol.

thoughts for ameliorating that; the trolls are more technologically advanced than the humans. Via magic and weird biotech, trolls are working with devices and forces our human protagonists don't understand, but the reader would understand as like, a rudimentary phone. Humans are feeling great about developing plumbing and gas lighting, but trolls don't bother with shit like that because they can plug weird biotendrils into a psionic and light their whole city electrically. Even though in this universe they cohabitate on one landmass, from a human POV trolls truly do feel like aliens, they do shit the humans have trouble even comprehending.

The field humans ARE more advanced in is automated/mechanical inventions, especially weaponry. They fuck around with elements and rocks and chemicals and shit, they discover gunpowder. The one really magical thing they have going for them is the barrier between them and the trolls, maybe?

Actually, the barrier could easily be a spell the Sufferer somehow leaked to them, and was promised some form of amnesty, and instead got sold out and executed. That would fit nicely into the theme of societal cruelty and also give a good reason for Karkat to be able to break in and get captured.

might help to use more trappings of historical nonwhite cultures with the humans, and vice-versa with the trolls? Sprinkle in some viking-inspired braids and clothing styles, cloaks and layers. Especially for warmbloods, who would necessarily need some protection in cold temperatures (unlike seadwellers who I've always assumed were well-adapted to crushing icy deep-sea conditions). Vary up some human skintones and clothing designs.

Hell I could push anachronism further if it came down to it, especially on the angle of trolls being tech-advanced. This is my boyfriend, he's a psychic nightmare creature from the depths of darkness. He's got bones braided into his hair and elaborate gold earrings and facepaint and he DOES wear a jacket made of leather with bone spiky epaulets. Karkat has sickles and bone armor and ritual quadrant jewelry but also the ritual is Ritual Of Call Boyfriend and it's essentially a very basic cell phone.

Going ahead and making the call that the Church of Mirth in this AU also uses righa forachtae, my conlang from Poor Unfortunate Shoals. Because I make the rules, is why. The church itself probably wears less gold, since my theory in Shoals was that the seadwellers not being around meant the clowns had all the gold they wanted to fuck around with--but the general vibes are probably quite similar, just with more bones in the jewelry instead. Very maximalist body decoration and body mods. Piercings and tattoos encouraged, more aggressive religious self-mutilation thought highly of especially during worship/in a bacchanalian frenzy.

A possible accepted/unacceptable parallel, hm--the Grand Highblood is still in power because he killed the Sufferer, despite Pale Temptations. Later the GHB and the empress fuck with Tavros and Gamzee flips out and confronts his ancestor about it, publicly letting his quadrants come before his duty, which gets him thrown out. It does fit the pattern. HM.

Chewing over the thought of a translation spell that doesn't do any psychic translation or anything, it just forces the person's mouth to speak whatever they want to say in your language instead. Would make a good comparison to the first attempt to get to know each other with a drastic power imbalance as captor/captive. Especially if troll and human languages have some noises that the other group can't make, and it gets increasingly tiring and painful to be magically forced to speak the other person's language for extended periods of time. hmmm.

Oo, oo, late-game concept because I like the Midnight Crew as angry mentor figures and I've been struggling to figure out who the head of the human empire would be if not SS: human kingdom split into derse and prospit courts? Black and white kings+queens each ruling a half but with uneasy peace between the two sides in the face of the troll empire's encroaching border?

oh shit wait okay, I was contemplating the alphas and betas each having their own estranged guard posts but instead; Derse and Prospit split. One house run by Slick and Deuce with John+Jade+Jane+Jake and Karkat, and one house run by Droog and Boxcars with the Strilondes and....a guest of their own? :oUc HMM.

Each of them is trying not to let the troll information they find out get across to the other house because there's a friendly (or not-so-friendly if you ask Derse) rivalry between the two. Narrative tension as we the reader jump back and forth and each group is learning radically different things about their prisoners and also troll society, and the impending moment where they have to come together and Reveal their Tactical Advantage to the other side.

Goddammit I kind of want to go back to the fic just for that part, that would be delicious. Dammit.

It seems like the lesson for the humans to learn from the trolls (mostly indirectly) is "people should interrogate their society, because when you're in the 99% of a society you're discouraged from realizing that the people sitting on your shoulders are just there because they've convinced everybody they should be" and the lesson in response is "advancement doesn't have to be cruel, improvement doesn't have to be exploitative; people will function because of fear but they'll thrive because of freedom and cooperation".

TBH it feels like this storyline culminates in two simultaneous revolutions/coups and I have no IDEA how to write that lmao. It does sound very fun though. The disgraced offspring of the society's power, influential, or infamous people all show up at once but oh damn they've allied with each other, shit. Oh no once they stopped accepting our cultural praxis as law we stopped having authority over them oh shit.

[chidoroki]

182 Days of TPN - Day 124

Chapter 124: "Tell Us"

Vincent is such a gentleman the way he's being a good host to the duo by bringing them tea and lightening the mood, while Cislo & Barbara are over here adding to the tension and doing their best to come off as intimidating (and succeeding).

The way Barbara just scoots in between them without a word is fantastic and I wish the anime played with everyone's extreme expressions more. There's so many in this chapter and they're all so good.

Revisiting this chapter after season two makes me sad because the anime had the whole conversation feel so bland. Everyone spoke proper and polite; there was barely any sort of humor, which is unfortunate because it's the silly moments that make this scene so memorable and gives a far better look at the Lambda trio's personalities. Even seeing Ray play along is hilarious, albeit he's only doing so in an attempt to not start any kind of drama.

Neither one of them have any respect for personal space and I'm laughing at our duo's expense. The anime was definitely kinder to them without making this scene awkward for Emma & Ray but that's boring. I love how uncivilized the first half of this little chat is with Barbara & Cislo acting like irritating children.

It's honestly adorable how they're such big fans of Norman. I guess I'd fancy someone just as hard if they saved my life too.

Pfftt wait, I never noticed how Vincent was getting pushed back by the speech bubble before! The poor guy!

We'll never know exactly which stories were told that brings Vincent to tears since the anime decides to just glaze over that entirely. The manga does too of course, but I always have that hope that some minor details will get expanded upon when it comes to anime, but that's certainly a stupid thought to have with this season especially.

It's possible that Vincent was at Glory Bell the same time as Yuugo & Lucas, right? I know the bunker dads escaped sometime in 2033 and Vincent being born four years prior, but I dunno. That farm functions more like a village (apparently) so who knows if they might've ran into each other at one point. Regardless, I still wanna know where the Goodwill Ridge IDs are located.

Still unbelievable that the five of them alone were able to escape a prestigious farm such as Lambda and destroy countless others. Yeah Norman and Vincent are real intelligent dudes while the other three are crazy powerful, but damn. I guess anything is possible with a couple explosives and protagonist with plot armor on your side.

Oopsie, there goes all the silly, little feelings we were having.

It was all fun and games but now the intimidation is back full force and even worse with actual rage. Barbara is being so intense that she scared Ray outta his seat (which the anime didn't include btw).

Can't deny that her voice actor did a wonderful job with her anger though. I also like this one shot a lot better than the panel.

Favorite panel/moment:

The anime is far from perfect though because they completely missed their chance to animate that fantastic spit take of Ray's! They remembered his reaction and have him choke on his tea a little bit, but it's no where near as dramatic as this and it's a shame since it's once of my very favorite panels of him. Would've loved to hear him stifle a laugh too.

End of volume 14.

[trillscienceofficer]

i would quite genuinely love nothing more than to hear a directors commentary of ‘let’s go back, let’s go back and start again’. fantastic concept, wonderful execution. one of the most intriguing trek fics i’ve come across in recent years; i’d love to know as much about it as you can share

This was such a wonderful ask to receive, I'm floored! Thank you, you're very kind. And I'm thankful for the opportunity to revisit this fic—I really need to finish it, but I've been terribly ashamed of how long I've let it sit without an update. Maybe this will be the final push I need to get back into it!

DVD extras-style commentary about the first chapter of “Let's go back, let's go back and start again” under the cut.

The title of this chapter is “Cause and Effect” which is of course a reference to the time loop episode of TNG—the events of which are also mentioned towards the end. (The title of Chapter 2 is also a reference to a time loop episode, this time from Xena: Warrior Princess. We'll see if I manage to keep the theme up in future chapters too!)

“Computer, lights,” she says, mouth as dry as a d-class planet. Her fight with the blanket has claimed as victim the old wind-up alarm clock that Tom had gifted her years before, which is now laying on the side of her nightstand among glass shards.

I love Tom's old clock so much (RIP). This fic started as a gift for @ezrisdax, lover of time loops extraordinaire but... not so much of Tom Paris, so this was the only mention of Tom I planned to have. I'm not sure if this will keep being true as the fic goes on, but you should imagine him being busy with piloting the ship throughout the madness, so there won't be much of him in future chapters regardless. I still like the fact that Tom gave B'Elanna an old wind-up alarm clock, it feels a very Tom thing to do. It breaking is one of the most vivid images I had in my mind while writing the first two chapters, even if perhaps not a super original one.

But even as she says that her now fully-awakened brain begins to appreciate how dangerous the situation actually is. Unstable reactions are usually stopped by powering down the core and switching to auxiliary power, but they can’t do that while at warp. And if the core is unstable, there’s no guarantee that it will be able to collapse the subspace bubble around the ship in a way that would guarantee the ship’s integrity. That is why Main Engineering is essentially built around the core, housing control loops on control loops with as many redundancies Starfleet could think of in the course of more than two centuries of development, just to prevent this very situation to ever arise.

Ah technobabble, a staple of Voyager—can never escape it when I write Voyager fic! These two paragraphs in particular are meant to set up the 'main' scifi conundrum of this fic: the ship finds itself in a paradox, and later Seven tries to 'solve this' by entering another paradox, via time travel shenanigans. Loops on loops!

B’Elanna presses the heels of her palms against her eye sockets. “Dammit. How could something like this even happen?” She catches herself right before saying ‘on my watch’, which it technically wasn’t because she was sleeping. But it’s still her Engineering.

One of the things that keeps me up at night about B'Elanna is that she's a workaholic, and she's one because she stakes so much of her own self-worth on how much she thinks she can be of use in any particular situation. And she is indispensable on Voyager—but as much as her role on the ship allows her to thrive like she never has before in her life, she's also held hostage by it in some way. It's her Engineering, her engine. But if it's misbehaving (and how it is misbehaving here is also important) then what it means for B'Elanna and her own self-worth? If this happened on her watch, does it mean she's just as flawed and as hopeless a case as so many people in her life insisted that she is?

She can’t deny that she feels less like the ground is disappearing around her feet with Harry at her side. Tentatively, she reaches out to squeeze his left forearm, lightly, just long enough to break the tension they’re both under.

The friendship between Harry and B'Elanna is definitely central to this fic, and here is the first instance of Harry offering the support B'Elanna needs in the moment. I admit I made up the forearm-squeezing gesture, I don't think it ever happens in the show. B'Elanna basically never touches people who aren't Tom onscreen (if I think too hard at how closed-off she is my chest hurts...), but I like to think she allows herself this level of intimacy with Harry, especially in difficult situations.

B’Elanna’s skin goes cold and clammy hearing that. “It’s trying to control all the ship’s systems as if they were still stock,” she mutters. Carey nods. “And failing. Everything from energy requirements to calibration is very different now, but the computer keeps prodding the ship if it were still to Starfleet’s specs, core included.”

And here it is, the reason why they're in danger: the ship isn't anything close to Starfleet specs anymore, and it isn't recognizing itself any longer. It's basically having an identity crisis—one that will affect B'Elanna too as things go on, because she was the one that changed the ship so thoroughly. And B'Elanna was never Starfleet material to begin with, or so she thinks. So my main idea with this fic was that the situation B'Elanna is confronting is a sort of an existential problem for her on two levels, on one hand there's a whole ship to save but on the other in order to do so she has to reckon with her role as the (necessarily) most unorthodox engineer to ever work on a Federation starship, and what she's had to compromise with in order to survive over the years. (And that's not even counting the time loop yet!)

“Continue working on it, we’ll deal with steering the ship. In the meantime I’ve sent Seven of Nine your way, I think we need everyone we can spare working on the problem.”

B’Elanna suppresses a groan. Cool, on top of everything else she’ll have to deal with Seven too. “Acknowledged, captain.”

“I know you’ll come through, B’Elanna. Janeway out.”

B’Elanna grits her teeth, eyes closed. The captain’s favorite rhetorical trick, reminding her of the trust she puts in B’Elanna in case the pressure of doing her job right wasn’t enough. Of course she’ll come through. She has to, or they will all die. There is no other alternative. What else is new?

I said before on this blog that I love the complexity of the relationships between Janeway, B'Elanna and Seven, and I'm very fond of this bit of dialogue. Janeway's whole approach to command is fascinating to me, as it's highly dependent on her having built a very specific type of relation to her subordinates, one where they would do anything for her as long as they have her affection and approval. B'Elanna is not immune to this either but I think her general wariness towards people makes her... a little savvier about it than most (not that it helps her much). And then there's Seven, another entire can of worms. I don't blame Harry for thinking that B'Elanna was mad about Seven being sent to help, rather than being irritated at Janeway's patronizing.

Seven takes the news in stride. “That explains why the Borg alcoves are currently offline. The astrometrics lab is also non-operational.”

I'm not sure if I'll write a chapter from Seven's POV in this fic, but you should assume she woke up as the alcoves went offline, which happens pretty much at the same time as when B'Elanna wakes up in the loop. I like to imagine Seven experiencing something very similar to the disorientation of waking up from sleep, which would make her even grumpier than usual!

B’Elanna has to remind herself to not gloat too obviously. Daring Seven to rise to the challenge is a tried and true way to get past any of her objections—B’Elanna is honestly amazed that Seven has not caught onto it yet.

When my wife read this chapter she laughed at this paragraph and said that it's funny how B'Elanna micromanages Seven, and I had to concede that that's true! One of the main challenges with this fic for me is to stick as closely as possible to the kind of antagonistic relationship they have in canon, because without it the plot doesn't make sense. I feel like I have a hard time writing interpersonal friction between characters realistically—it doesn't help that I want B'Elanna and Seven to understand each other SO BAD—so this fic is an exercise in reining in my impulse to reach for the easiest possible solution. Luckily for me, B'Elanna and Seven together are very fun to write even when they bicker.

Her head spins. In a way, she’s always known that she would go down with the ship eventually. Maybe the Doctor will even be able to inject some anti-radiation medication in time, if she manages to bring the core back from the brink.

Oh B'Elanna... I explain this only in chapter 2, but given the computer situation plus the fact that they're at warp they can't dump the core like it happens in “Day of Honor”. But of course self-sacrifice is the 'easy' way out...

“This can’t be happening,” B’Elanna says dumbly. Her legs refuse to move.

... and what actually happens is that B'Elanna sees Harry die once again. This will condition B'Elanna's behavior in future time loops pretty heavily, and I can't blame her! A lot of my motivation for writing Harry's temporary death was to 'remake' “Deadlock”'s ending but with Harry and B'Elanna's friendship taking the central stage instead of being hand-waved away. No, not everything is fine after that; it really can't be.

Seven seems about to answer her when the buzz coming from the core rises both in pitch and volume to the point of pain. They both turn to look at it and it’s unrecognizable, a column burning purple, brighter and brighter until B’Elanna’s eyes hurt almost as much as her ears and—

If anyone were to make art based on this chapter I would love for it to be this scene, Seven and B'Elanna witnessing the core breach together while bathed in bright purple light.

She pretty much tackles him for a hug, and he lets out a surprised ‘oof’. He’ll have to deal with it, because she’s not sure her knees are holding her up very well. She’d been so convinced that he was gone. But no, the nightmare was over thankfully.

B'Elanna is once more allowing herself a bit more affection than usual here—she just saw Harry die in front of her eyes, again. I think not even B'Elanna would be able to play it cool like she does in other situations on the show.

She was right. She was right. “I put two and two together,” B’Elanna quips, too overwhelmed by relief to come up with a better excuse. She’s not delusional, she is remembering actual events. Events that haven’t happened yet.

I've been going back forth on whether this fic takes place before or after “Barge of the Dead”, and I tend to think it's before. I wrote it to belong to the season 6 timeline (like most of my Voyager fic), but B'Elanna imho would have a different perspective on visions and the like after that specific episode, and perhaps not be so afraid of them (or so relieved that she isn't 'delusional').

B’Elanna sighs, rubbing her forehead with her fingers. Of course there’s a jumper cable—with the amount of voltage spikes that particular interface goes through they’d be swapping out blown diodes every other week, and the interface itself can take some beating. At some point someone must have decided that it was not worth the risk of running out of spares during a replicator rationing, or the hassle. It could have very well been her. The thought chills her to the bone.

The theme of B'Elanna's necessarily unorthodox approach to engineering comes back—except now worse! Guess what electrocuted Harry? Another compromise made because Voyager is stranded in the DQ with very few resources, both material and of personnel. I'm sure this won't play a number on B'Elanna at all :)

“But I’m not dead now,” Harry counters, pointing at himself. “How could I have died in the first place?” “It has not happened yet, and hopefully it won’t happen at all now that the issue has been fixed.” B’Elanna scowls. There is really only one explanation for such a confusing chain of events. “I—I think we might be in a temporal paradox.”

Another comment my wife made while reading is that the characters here are very genre-savvy, which is accurate. I personally dislike when characters in a setting that routinely involves time travel don't think of time travel as a possibility. This is why B'Elanna figures things out so early, and why Seven thought of exploiting time travel in the first place, as she explains in chapter 2. But genre-savviness also has its downsides! The only thing I can say about this is that you'll have to see how this particular thread plays out. (I really need to finish this fic.)

She marches across the room, intersecting Seven’s trajectory near the opposite side of the core. B’Elanna faces her and she is suddenly, irrationally certain that Seven, too, remembers. There is no trace of confusion in her cool demeanor. “What the fuck,” B’Elanna hisses, “did you do to the warp core?”

I'm still so proud of how I ended this chapter. I feel like I rarely write 'quotable lines'—my prose is very matter-of-fact, especially in action-y fic like this one—but iirc I envisioned this chapter ending on this note early on during the writing process, and I think I pulled it off nicely. What Seven did complicates things immensely, although it was the only option they had left—and it's a theme in this fic that compromises made in order to survive are going to have consequences. And now B'Elanna and Seven are going to have to work together to climb out of this mess of their own creation :)

[draiad]

FFVII Rebirth Spoilers Ahead

NGL This is going to be a big ramble but BUT I finished this game a bit ago now and I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. For anyone who is curious I ADORED it. There were a few moments I had frustrations with (Looking at you box throwing mini game) but that aside this game is still a solid 10/10 for me.

Be prepared for a lot of this to not make sense because I am typing as the thoughts come, there is no organization to them. for the TL:DR I liked the game and I am super excited for the answers we're going to get in part 3.

I cannot get over how well they handled the characters in this game. I should have expected it with how good of a job they did in Remake but they managed to absolutely blow my mind this game AGAIN.

That aside the thing I want to really focus on right now is the timeline stuff. I don't really have any solid theories as to how things are going to resolve nor do I have any set in stone mindset for Aerith's current situation but I have thoughts and ideas of how I would LIKE them to go.

I'm very curious about the timeline stuff. The characters who seem to have knowledge of other timelines vs those who don't. Its clear Zack, Biggs and Marlene are aware that there's something going on, not necessarily what but the fact that Marlene and Biggs knew of Cloud while in Zack's timeline makes me wonder what that means for Marlene in Cloud's timeline. I figure the hug from remake imparted all Marlene's with a bit of knowledge? I don't even know and I cannot wait to find out.

I also found the whispers a lot easier to deal with mentally this time around when thinking of them as extensions of Sephiroth and either Aerith or the life stream.

I may be wrong but I also feel like the weapons we saw in this game were the unwoken/larval stages of Ruby and Sapphire. I absolutely adored that sequence with Tifa and it makes me HELLA excited to see her help Cloud piece himself back together.

And then AND THEN we have that whole mess (still loved it all) with how they handled Aerith's death. I'm of two mindsets right now with what happened there. The one that I think is most likely true is Aerith is dead dead and Cloud is seeing her as some coping mechanism. I'm not 100% sold on the idea of it being Jenova manipulating him (though that would be hella dark and I would LOVE it). The other thing that I feel like may be the case is Aerith is dead but in the lifestream and is actively communicating with Cloud. Again not fully sold on it but I suppose we're just gonna have to wait and see. I think next game when we revisit things we're going to get that iconic scene of him lowering her into the water as he finally accepts the truth. Maybe after he recovers himself. All I know is its going to be so heartbreaking and good to watch as the team start doubting him while he spirals.

I think the black materia is going to be a fun game-play element to his skills in the next game too and I am super excited for some sort of Dark Knight Cloud. I feel like we're going to lose him pretty early on in part 3, I fully expect within the first couple of hours of the game the northern crater shit is going to go down and we'll have Party Leader Tifa for a while.

I can honestly say I don't know what kind of ending I want for this trilogy. Part of me wants it to be a reset, for the timeline to return to what it should. Another part of me wants it to be the happy ending for all. Either way I'll probably be happy. I think the only ending that would piss me off is someone wakes up and it was all a dream.

[shifuto]

some closing thoughts after a little over 1 month of revisiting Yugioh Vrains

Vrains is a trainwreck in the most endearing and wonderful way

I love this show so dearly and feel like this time I finally managed to appreciate it in the way it's supposed to - problems and all. I feel like I was finally able to understand a lot of the peculiarities and subtexts that, before, I didn't have enough emotional maturity for, and it helped knowing generally what was going on because watching this show for the first time was.. not great (for reasons I talked about already in other posts from this marathon)

going through that grueling filler-plagued beginning was hell, and one of the reasons I was dreading going through this show again - it even got me questioning why I put Vrains so high on my ranking of favorite YGOs (because my memory is bad and I didn't see any reason for Vrains to be that high), but once it starts going.. oh boy it doesn't stop, this is why I finished it so fast LOL

Vrains's story is very compelling and the minimal cast helps to keep everything close-knitted (I highly prefer fewer characters like this). Not all of these are interesting, but the ones who are do make up for it. I have found love in characters I didn't pay much mind before; loved the ones I already did even more; and went batshit insane over my favorites; Spectre

I don't think we'll ever have a plot like this in the franchise and it's such a shame. Vrains portrays trauma, pain and loss without romanticizing it. The main character has PTSD and he's not magically cured after everything - none of them are, except Jin (and this is another whole can of worms I'm not sure if I want to get into....) - Vrains is not a happy show or a happy story, and this is what makes it so wonderful in my eyes. Tragedy is what kickstarts this story, and tragedy is the one thing that is consistently happening throughout it

before, I guess I didn't really like the ending very much because the story was cut short and everything was rushed and too vague? But now (and understanding why it was cut short), I can find some silver linings, for example: that open ending feels good. It's nice to have stories such as this (and also in Zexal) with a lot of openings, and holes and things to be filled with theories and ideas: if the canon doesn't provide, the fanom might as well do it

I have so many favorites and so many ships for this show now 🤣 I think I had like 2 max the other time O: surprisingly, Yusaku and Ai went kind of in the background? I wonder why..

I knew I would get obsessed with Akira even though I paid no mind to him before 🤣 what can I say, he's just my type hahahahahaha. I was already obsessed with Kengo before and it got much, much worse so congratulations me for the renewed and augmented Blood Shpeherd brainrot 🥺💜 I have always loved Shoichi and he'll remain as one of my favorite characters ever as well so it was a delight to watch this and have so many episodes and scenes with him, my heart is so fulfilled 🥺🥺🥺 I love Jin and also Lightning for all the wrong reasons (don't ask about it 🤣), and so many other characters too but lets focus on who is really important (and was very surprising): Spectre

I honestly do not know what happened that I got this much into Spectre? He was also one of those I didn't really pay much attention before, and he became.. my favorite character in this I guess???? Well one of them, but you get what I mean 😆 the long story short is probably me omega projecting on him, and his relationships with Ryoken. Let me dream, alright?

I don't know if I have the energy to talk about my ships but just know that I have a copious amount of them. It's a lot

all in all, Vrains is amazing and it would probably be my favorite YGO if not for all the production issues, really. There's several things I'd change and try to fix, but overall, it's fine and enjoyable as it is, thankfully

I don't know, I'm sad it ended and I wanna watch again right away LOL

[ashes-writing]

beautiful | stranger things; j.byers

A/N; Okay, so this started off as kind of following along with the Poison song Fallen Angel, but then it went in an entirely different direction. This one's got a lot of awkward fluff, a little angst and just like.. I decided to leave it where it ended because idk yet if I'll revisit these two like I've done with Steve and his reader or I plan to at some point with Eddie and the new girl reader... I guess we'll just have to see. I wanna throw this out there before I do warnings. There are heavy mentions of reader having a self - esteem issue, maybe even several. It felt a little... Personal for me because to an extent, it's an on-going struggle of mine. So, apologies in advance if the reader is a little more heavily flawed this time around and not quite so vague. And if you struggle with some of the stuff in here, just remember you are beautiful, okay? This is basically just me, using a comfort character of mine to kinda.. comfort people, so if this even resonates a little or helps anybody feel better, I've done what I set out to.

Tag List ; @rampagewriting -- feel free to ignore this bb! There's nobody on my actual stranger things tag list, if you want to be, please click the link below or tell me and I'll add you.

Pairing ; Jonathan Byers x Insecure!Popular!fem reader

Timeline / other stuff ; probably pre season 2. Nancy is mentioned and so is the camera smashing incident.

Warnings ; high mention of self esteem issues , lots of awkward cute little moments. Reader caution - am not glorifying the issues mentioned within, they just happen to be a struggle of my own to an extent. I tried my best to be a bit more vague so as not to set anybody off or trigger anything in anybody reading this. Kissing, because yeah. This is just meant to be sweet and awkwardly fluffy.

Other Stuff ; tag list doc || rules - the fandoms and some of the characters I write for || requests - open; headcanons / nsfw or fluffy alphabet letters for any and all fandoms/characters excluding pro wrestling.

The slow creak of his bedroom door opening had Jonathan Byers pausing. The door creaked open just a little more. Laughter bubbled in from the Byers kitchen and eventually, the bed creaked as his little brother Will sat down on the edge, a quiet laugh from the solemn boy finally leading to Jonathan as he looked up from the open textbooks and notebooks spread out in disarray on top of his desk.

“What’s goin’ on?”

“You have a visitor.” Will smiled as he said it, laughing as he added to himself in a lower tone, “She’s really funny.”

For a second, Jonathan could feel a slow and lazy grin forming.

That is, he was about to grin until Will quickly spoke up. “Not Nancy.”

Now this, it puzzled Jonathan Byers because outside of Nancy, he talked to maybe a handful of people at school and that was usually out of dire necessity.

So to have someone show up at his house unannounced, on their own free will… That had him more than a little curious. His mother’s rare laughter bubbled into the open door and almost on cue, Joyce Byers called out to him.

“Jon! Jonathan! Hey, sweetie, you have a visitor!”

Out in the Byers kitchen, you sat at the table with Joyce. You’d been talking, as it turns out, your mothers were close friends at one point in time. It led to Joyce spilling the beans on several teenage misadventures that the two had gotten up together which concluded with Joyce asking you a thousand questions about your own current life. How you were doing, if you had any classes with her eldest son at Hawkins High. And the warmth surrounding you currently really begged to wonder… Why hadn’t you ever considered getting to know the taller, quiet boy with dark eyes and a solemn and almost tragic, haunting smile.

You didn’t know much about him at all, to be quite honest. Well, aside from the reason you found yourself at the Byers residence on this particular lazy fall afternoon.

Jonathan finally walks into the room and you blink a little because up close and personal is not something you’ve ever gotten to the boy. He’s tall, shoulders with a bit of slump to them as if he’s trying to disappear or disguise himself somehow. Like he doesn’t want to be seen or noticed at all.

In return, he blinks at the sight of you, completely decked out in Hawkins High cheerleading garb seated at his dining room table. 

Joyce grins to herself softly and clears her throat. “I’ll just leave you two to talk, okay? But you come back, ___. Anytime you want. And tell your mom I said hi!” and with that, Joyce was gone, vanishing down the hallway and into another part of the house.

You were drowning, lost in the dark depths of his eyes. Kicking yourself because you sought him out, the least you could do was speak now that you’d come all the way out here.

He sits down at the kitchen table. Neither of you are speaking and you can’t help but notice that each silent second passed just makes the air thicker, heavier somehow. It’s driving you crazy, this leads to you finally attempting to speak.

Attempt being the key word because Jonathan actually beats you to it. “How’d you uh… I didn’t think anybody knew where I lived.”

When the soft giggle leaves your mouth you want to melt into stained wooden floorboards. This couldn’t get any more awkward if you tried. The better idea would’ve been to just approach him at school but you’d tried that. 

You just never seemed to cross paths. And the one time you could’ve, Nicole kept distracting you and dragging you off to stare at Billy Hargrove while he was practicing down in the gym. Or any number of other distractions, she just always seemed to pop up the second you’d position yourself outside the darkroom doors.

“I,uh..”

He’s staring at you intently. Waiting.

You want to cringe when you say it but finally, the words come. “I followed you. Then I kinda like…” your fidgeting with the green stripe around the sleeve of your Hawkins High cardigan. How is it you can speak, you’re so loud, so bubbly and vibrant literally anywhere else or any other time but right now you feel like a fish out of water? Like you’re totally out of your depths somehow. Like you want to impress him for a change and not the other way around like you’re used to.

“Look, I chickened out, okay?” the words burst out and you cringe just a little as you’re quick to add, “Not because of you, like.. I don’t know why. I just did.”

He snickers to himself quietly.

“Are you thirsty?”

“No,no.. I’m fine.” you shake your head. And then you finally manage to do it, you finally manage to get out your sole reason for coming out to his house.

Only now, having seen the mysterious boy everybody and their mother called weird or a plethora of other pointless and stupid names up close and personal, you’re not entirely sure that the reason you’ve sought him out is actually the only one.

There’s just something about him.

Quiet. Sturdy. Handsome in a dark and slightly rugged sort of way that normally you’re not at all drawn to.

“You’re like… really big into photography, right?”

He gazes at you warily as he sips water he’s gotten himself from the sink. He sits the glass down on the counter he’s stood in front of and as the back of his hand drags across his mouth you literally have to bite your tongue just to keep some sort of unholy noise from escaping your mouth.

,,No.” you think to yourself with a startled pause, ,,I cannot be getting a crush on him.”

But deep down, you know that’s exactly what’s happening.

“Yeah.” he laughs quietly and the laughter falls away. He’s studying you intently. Curious. Because in his mind, all he keeps thinking about is the way Tommy Hagan and Steve Harrington, two boys you’re known to hang around with, smashed his camera because he had pictures of Nancy.

No amount of explaining himself had made it sound any better.

But they’d ruined an expensive camera, so in his mind, he was wondering if this was some weird attempt at a trick or a prank.

Just so happens, you remember Nicole laughing about what they’d all done to his camera one day during practice and you speak up quickly. “This isn’t what you think, okay? Just.. Hear me out. Please.”

His gaze doesn’t get any less wary but he does step over to the seat he’d been sitting in at the table with you a few seconds prior.

“ I…I wanna put together a portfolio. I told my mom I wanted to do senior photos, like a photoshoot but in reality, Oh god.” you go quiet, a faraway look in your eyes, “I want to get the hell away from Hawkins when I graduate. I wanna go to California. I wanna model. Act. Something. Anything to prove I am good enough and I can do it... Anything is better than staying here.”

He almost dismissed what you were saying as a joke, it had to be, but… There was something about the look in your eyes when you talked about your plans. They just seemed to light up. And he hadn’t ever really seen that out of you before. The vivid color of your eyes seemed to intensify and the giddy little giggle you gave before falling silent, something about it seemed a little too real.

More real than anything he’d ever seen out of you up to this point.

So you’d caught his attention and now he was at least partially humoring it. “Wait.” he asks, “Why not just tell your mom what you’re really doing?”

“Because she tried, ya know. She tried and every door slammed shut in her face. Now if I even breathe the word casting call or audition she shuts it down without giving me a chance. I just..” your gaze settles on the brilliant green stripe around the wrist of your cardigan. “I wanna prove to her I can do it. I have to at least try. Look, I’ll pay you. Anything you want, okay? I’m good for it, my mom’s latest boytoy is loaded.”

“How much?” he questions.

“How much do you want, hm? Nicole said you’re really, really good.”

This prompted a snort because somehow, the fact that she said that and his camera still got smashed just irritated him all over again.

“They were assholes, alright? And I… I said so on more than one occasion.” you fell silent because you felt just a little pathetic, practically begging the guy.

“If I do this..” he starts to speak, adding in a quieter tone seconds later, “This better not be some trick.”

“Jon. It’s not a trick. I followed you to ask you here because I thought like.. I felt like you’d know that if I asked you here instead of just asking you at school.” you mutter the words quietly and Jonathan Byers searches your face for any sign or even a hint that this is somehow another joke or a prank that’ll turn destructive.

When he doesn’t see any sign, he shrugs. “What the hell.” he mutters. “I’ll do it. But it’ll be three hundred bucks.”

Three hundred dollars was exactly how much a the top of the line camera Nikon had just come out with happened to be and he’d still have a little left to get his little brother some art supplies. Three hundred dollars was completely fine with you because your mom told you she’d pay anything if you really wanted to do a little senior photoshoot for yourself, on the grounds that it meant you were leaving all this talk of acting and modeling, auditions and gigs in the past to focus on something real. Nevermind the fact that her continually saying you'd never make it or you didn't have the look being your biggest motivator to try and do that very thing.

Her favorite thing to throw up lately seemed to be that you could really make her happy if you were to meet a nice boy and settle down, stay close to home after you graduate.

She’d even gone as far as to invite the Hagans over when Tommy and Carol broke up and their mothers were gossipping about it in the checkout line down at the grocery store.

It had been a complete disaster. A disaster that had you and Carol currently not speaking because for some reason, she thought you’d try to get with Tommy.

You have no interest in him at all.

But Jonathan Byers, after meeting his mom and his little brother… After finally getting an up close and personal look at him… You’d be lying if you didn’t say there was something there, even if it was just infatuation because he was really, really handsome.

The thoughts racing through your mind were enough to prompt you to lean in and brush your lips to his cheek as you laughed and gave him another soft -and real, smile. “Great!” you’re happy, giggling, a smile so bright that it somehow makes the dim lighting in the room just a little brighter, “Maybe this weekend?”

Jonathan mulled it over. “Yeah, that’ll work.”

“I’ll bring you the money as soon as you want it.”

“Wait until the pictures are developed.” he mutters, but you’re just so thrilled that he’ll do this for you that you’d agree to anything. “Some of the pictures might be a little, uh.. Risky. You’re okay with it, right?” you toss the question in casually because it hadn’t occurred to you to ask before he agreed to do what you’re asking.

He shrugs and for just a split second, you feel a little deflated because here you are, sitting at his dining table fighting some strange sort of pull to him and he just shrugs off the fact that he might be photographing you in some… more intimate type poses. It stings a little but you tell yourself it’s simply because you’ve been lucky enough to never really have struggled with rejection being a possibility. Boys tended to flock to you, and it wouldn’t be bragging to say it. It was the truth and sometimes, the truth wasn’t as pretty or as good as people assumed it might be. The fact that you’ve never really dealt with rejection also came with the downside that  you were constantly treated like an object. Dated because you were arm candy and you tended to make whichever boy dated you briefly look just a little better because obviously, he could pull you. It bothered you because this made actually having a relationship pointless and it soured you on nearly half the boys in your grade by this point.

They didn’t want you because you were you, they wanted you because you were pretty with the right makeup and being with you would probably make them look good to whatever girl they’d go on to have real feelings for.

That really hurt.

You shoulder through the moments of pain and you stand. “I’ll see you this weekend.”

“Where?” he calls out just as you reach the Byers front door.

You pause and look back at him. “You’re the one with the good eye. You can pick the location.” you smile as you say it and this time, your smile makes him smile just a little bit.

Then you’re gone, leaving him to stand in the middle of his mother’s kitchen and wonder exactly what he’s gotten himself into. He happens to glance over at Will to find Will barely hiding a laugh. Jonathan grumbles and sinks down into one of the old wooden ladderback chairs at the table as he leans his head back.

“Does this mean you’re finally going to get over Nancy?”

Jonathan snorts. “Girls like that don’t go for guys like me. And this might all be some kind of trick.”

“What?” Will asks softly.

“Well..” Jonathan replays the entire interaction in his mind. “She wants me to take pictures of her. For a portfolio or something and for next year for the yearbook. Those photos at the end?”

“Is she paying you?”

“Yeah.”

“So it’s a job, right?” Will asks.

“Mhm.”

“ I still think she’s prettier than Nancy. And she made you smile. Maybe you could get to know her?” Will mused with a shrug as he wandered out of the kitchen and back into his room.

– ( the weekend )

You’re nervous as hell as you pull your car to a stop beside his. He said he’s got two locations in mind for the photos and one of them is the quarry.

He’s sitting in his car with The Smiths playing full blast so he doesn’t see you when your mom’s Mercedes pulls to a stop next to him, Madonna playing as you frantically try to reapply your makeup and survey yourself in the rearview mirror.

The makeup made you pretty. 

The knock on your window has you jumping a little, a hand to your heart as you roll down the window. Jonathan’s staring down at you intently. Like he wants to say something but he doesn’t. “Are you ready?” he asks quietly.

All you can do is nod because you’re drowning in his stupid deep and dark eyes all over again. It’s something that’s happened a lot throughout the week because you came away from that first little encounter with him almost painfully aware of him.

And at least twice during the week leading up to this moment, you’d actually had a run-in with him. A run-in which Nicole openly remarked left her sexually frustrated somehow, as if the intense staredown between you and him or the way he’d reached out to grab hold of your waist when you weren’t paying attention in the parking lot and nearly wandered right out into a vehicle about to fly past which resulted in you being pressed up against him for at least two seconds that felt like an entire lifetime… She blamed her current sexual frustration on both your run-ins with Jonathan.

Of course, Carol was relieved because this meant you weren’t a threat to her attempting to get Tommy back. And, she gloated after practice yesterday, it gave her something to throw in Nancy’s face.

It was Tommy and two other boys from the basketball team who had very loud and vocal problems with your suddenly taking notice of Jonathan Byers.

And they hadn’t shut their yaps about said problems for the entire week after you were overheard telling Nicole and Tina what you’d hired Jonathan to do.

But none of the above is really relevant, you just can’t seem to get it off your mind. And you could still feel the way his arms gripped your waist to drag you out of the path of incoming doom in the form of a lime colored Pinto with the tag BEANR69 even now, when he’s standing on the outside of your car, patiently waiting on you to pull yourself together.

“I..This looks okay, right?” you turn in front of him in the first outfit you’d chosen, a simple and gauzy white sundress that stopped above your knees and tied at the shoulders. Your cousin told you that the ‘hometown girl’ vibe was something that she heard agents ate right up.

So that was the aura that you hoped the first outfit gave off.

Jonathan surveyed it carefully, brows knit together as his eyes settled on your made up face. “The makeup kind of kills it.” he admits quietly, an apology mumbled almost a second immediately after. “You… you don’t really need it, right?” he asks.

Your mouth opens and closes because you’re not exactly sure how to answer.

“You don’t want me to take it off.” you insist before going quiet.

“At least like… Blot the lipstick.” Jonathan’s shuffling his feet as one of his hands drags through shaggy dark hair. You take a deep breath and you fix your eyes on him with uncertainty. “Are you…” you stammer as you gaze up at him in confusion, “ Are you sure you want me to do that?”

Asking you to take off the makeup might well have been asking you to pose nude because as far back as at least eighth grade, you hadn’t let anybody see you without it. If you were to really stop and think about it, eighth grade was probably the first time someone commented that you’d look so much better with makeup. The comments that followed, well… They sort of formed the basis of your firm belief that makeup was what made you prettiest.

You’re fidgeting nervously. The realization as it’s dawning on you is not comfortable at all. It’s kind of unsettling now that you’re aware just how much of yourself you actually hide away.

Jonathan’s brow raises. And he finds himself wondering why in the hell you seem so afraid to just take off the makeup.

You don’t need it, he thinks to himself as he’s standing there in front of you. While you’re squirming under his gaze he’s just slowly looking you up and down, taking you in. Baffled by this new revelation he’s having, that you might actually be afraid to be seen without makeup.

And wondering just how in the hell that particular quirk came about. Who did it to you? Who made you feel like you needed makeup otherwise, you weren’t pretty at all? Was it one of the assholes you were always seen around school and town with? 

Somehow, just the hint that it might have been had him tensing up. Clenching his fist at his side.

“The dress kind of clashes with your face, okay? That dress doesn���t make me think…” he goes quiet, rubbing a hand over his head. Stepping just a little closer to you as he stares down. “It’s just makeup. Look, you don’t actually need it, alright?” Jonathan insists calmly. But he doesn’t elaborate and in your mind, this leaves just a smidgeon of doubt. He’s never seen you without it, therefore, he can’t know.

Your head tilts slightly as you gaze up at him and he has to swallow down a lump in his throat when the breeze picks up and it sends the sugary sweet scent of whatever perfume you always wear enveloping him. Making him think of hugs. Fresh baked cookies. The way it felt when he stopped that stupid idiot in the Pinto from almost running you over in the parking lot of Hawkins High because he hadn’t been able to get the feeling of your body under his hands out of his head all week long.

Arguably, he’s distracted. Words are not coming.

“H-how do you really know though?” You ask the question quietly. 

“You’re the one who told me I could choose. If you want the picture to be any good…” he rubs his temple.  

He goes quiet because he doesn’t know what to do with this situation.

He’s being patient. Gentle as can be because apparently, this is a delicate situation.

He’d never stopped to consider you actually had non-existent confidence. Not you with the loud laugh who talks with her hands and has no problem speaking her mind or standing up for somebody like he saw you do around Wednesday of the week past when he saw you read Nicole for filth because she was picking on one of the quieter freshman girls.

Now that he knew about it though, the pesky feelings.. Thoughts and urges he’d been dealing with all week as a fallout from you seeking him out to hire him to do this… Those feelings and thoughts and all those urges were getting stronger. More realistic. More dominant in his mind and harder to ignore as a result.

You took a shaky breath. “Okay, alright. I trusted you enough to ask you to do this. You can’t.. Uh.. Don’t laugh or anything, alright?” you attempt a weak smile so he won’t sense that it really bothers you to do what you’re about to, what he’s asked you to, but it does and you’re up in arms about it because it feels like you’re exposing more of yourself than you will be if you make it to the swimsuit shots at any point in the foreseeable future.

You open the door to your car and lean back in, digging around for a napkin from the diner downtown. You wipe away over half of the lipstick and you grab another napkin or two to calm down the intensity of the rest of your makeup.

And it takes you just a little too long to pull yourself together enough to get out of the car because all you can think is that you feel so naked. Vulnerable.

,, But I trust him, I think.” the thought comes by surprise, serving to reassure you just a little.

Jonathan can’t take his eyes off of you and for a good second or two, he can’t really form words right. But he gives you one of those little smiles and you take a deep breath. “Better?” you ask.

“Yeah. Lots. C’mon, I’ll show you where I want to set up first. We’ve gotta get down there now though because the good light will be gone soon.” -it’s the most he’s ever said to you and seeing him get downright giddy over lighting and angles makes you smile to yourself as you follow him down the steep hill leading down to the quarry banks. You nearly trip because you’re  distracted by him and how happy he is at the moment  and his arm shoots out, wrapping around your waist just before you manage to stumble forward.

You both pause. All you can do is stare up at him. He’s staring right back at you, too. And his arm is still wrapped around you tight. He chuckles, the sound is tentative, a little husky. Just like his voice, you think to yourself, the perfect mix of gravel and velvet.

“Are you okay?” he questions, gazing down at you in concern.

“Y-yeah.” you manage to stammer. What you don’t manage to do is take your eyes off of him. No matter what you try.

There’s something about the way the light is hitting you and the look in your eyes. The way the natural sunlight overhead forms this hazy halo round you, it prompts Jonathan to release his hold on your body and step away, his camera raised. 

“What are you doing?” you’re laughing and you shuffle your feet against the sandy path. You’re doing this cute little thing where you fidget and he smirks as the camera clicks soft, the picture of you saved onto the roll.

Given his recent history of taking pictures, he knows that making his own copy might not be the best idea, but he also knows somehow that he’ll wind up doing it. For the memories.

You’re standing in front of him again, your bodies bump together softly. The photoshoot is slowly working itself to the back of your mind, much to your surprise.

But it’s what you asked him to do and given the way he seems totally disinterested in you, you try to put all your own silly thoughts out of your head.

To keep it professional.

He’s the photographer and you’re his subject for the next few days.

But deep down, you’re starting to feel like maybe you want more.

– ( a few hours later )

The little photoshoot had ended hours ago and for some reason, you hadn’t been able to bring yourself to go back home.

You felt more at home at the Byers place.

It was something that shocked you completely, but it was the truth.

You stood in the middle of Jonathan’s room, dragging a pastel colored nail over the stack of cassettes piled high on top of a pretty impressive stereo setup. Jonathan is sitting in the chair at his desk and he’s trying to finish up an assignment that you finished the day it was given.

His shoulders are tensed and every now and then the pencil falls from his hand to the book open in front of him as he raises his hand to massage his temple.

He’s so fucking handsome all you can do is steal looks. You want to do more but…you manage to stop yourself.

If the urge to touch him got any stronger you might as well sit on your own hands. Neither of you had really said much to each other, he’d just kind of accepted your lingering presence at his place after he finished photographing you earlier.

You finally just can’t resist anymore and you wander over to the desk he sits at, placing your hands on his shoulders gently.

Without a word, you start to massage his shoulders. Jonathan glances up at you with a brow raised but his eyes fix on your cute little lips and the long-faded red stain.

The thought is hazy, half-formed. And the words come out before he’s able to stop them.

“You’re gorgeous.”

Your hands hesitate at his shoulders and you bite your lip as you shake your head No. You laugh it off but he’s staring harder. You try to turn your attention back to the massage you’re giving his shoulders, but you can’t focus on it.

“Why’s it so hard t’ believe, hm?” the question comes out in all it’s intrusive glory before he can stop himself from asking. You shrug.

“It just is. I-I.. I can’t explain it.” you stammer, shrugging almost apologetic.

“If it’s the jerks you date saying you need makeup..” Jonathan goes quiet, grumbling to himself about it being none of his business as his words die away.

“No, it’s actually more of a me thing. Kind of.” you admit quietly, shrugging. “All I ever hear is… Nevermind. It’s dumb.”

But he’s staring at you. Waiting on you to finish whatever you were about to say. Rather than actually try to, you nod to the open notebook in front of him. “I.. I can help you, y’know. I already finished mine.”

He shrugs. You move to sit on top of the desk and you turn to pick up the textbook. After scanning the page, you find the paragraph the answer is hiding out in and you hold it out to him. “That’s what the question is asking about. I had to read the same page ten times to find it myself.”

“Oh.” Jonathan writes down the answer expected out of him and then he places the pen on his notebook and he’s staring up at you. You squirm around a little but you’re staring right back. And then you start to lean in before you can stop yourself from doing it. Jonathan starts to lean in too and as soon as you pick up on it, your heart is thumping away lazy at your ribcage as you feel your breath come out in a soft and shaky exhale. 

You’re a long time away from having had your first kiss, there have been many since but somehow this feels different. Vivid and real. Exciting. You’re nervous, too. For the first time in a long time, you’re not just going through the motions because it’s what somebody else wants or what’s expected.

No, you want to kiss Jonathan Byers.

More than you realized.

The tip of his nose bumps against your nose and you giggle quietly as you lean down, into him a little closer. Your fingers curl in the front of a dingy white tee shirt and you use that to pull him in even closer. He moves the chair so that he’s sitting right in front of you and one of his hands settles on your thigh, the pad of his thumb making lazy strokes against the gauzy fabric of the little sundress. Your mouths finally meet and at first it’s clumsy; tentative. A little awkward because this is not something either of you were counting on.

But then you’re gripping the front of his shirt tighter and your soft lips latch against his slightly chapped ones. He groans quietly, his mouth falling open to allow you easier access and the hand resting against your thigh squeezes it.

You spring apart abruptly when you heard the knob on his bedroom door rattling and you’re panting for your next breath, staring at him with wide eyes. Jonathan turns in the chair and calls out, “Yeah?”

His little brother peeks in. “Mom wanted t’ know if your friend was staying for supper.”

You start to say you will but you stop yourself. Jonathan gazes up at you intently. Then he nods, giving his brother a lopsided smile. “Yeah. If she wants to.” he glances up and you smile at the little boy in the doorway brightly. “I’d love to.” you answer, laughing softly.

The bedroom door bangs shut softly.

For at least a minute, neither of you can really say anything. You speak up because you’re about to apologize for some reason but Jonathan cuts you off, mid-sentence.

“I’m not sorry I did that, okay? I know you probably didn’t..” he goes quiet. You grip his jaw and tug his gaze upward. “I’m not sorry either.” you admit with a soft laugh. “I meant to do it. I wanted to, alright?”

He laughs and you’re pouting at him. “What?”

“Well, this is kind of a cliche, I mean… Photographer and his subject?” Jonathan shrugs but the laughter dies away. You slip off the desk and into his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck as you lean against him. “You realize that implies something, yeah?”

“If you want it to…” Jonathan mumbles as he makes you look up at him. “Do you?”

You smile and nod. “Mhm.”

He grins and lets you melt against him. And for a minute or two, he attempts to finish the remaining questions on his worksheet but with you melted against him and your warm breath tickling that one spot on his neck it’s easier said than done. He shuts the notebook and his hands catch against your face as he pulls you in for another kiss.

Deeper this time.

“I wasn’t kidding earlier.. Y’know, when I said you didn’t need it… The makeup, I mean. Whoever told you that you do was probably jealous.” as he says it, he drags the pad of his thumb across your bottom lip and you sit there, letting what he’s just said sink in.

You want to believe him but your way of thinking is a hard one to break.

He seems to pick up on your apprehension because he mumbles quieter, “Look.. I want you. The real you. That’s the only way this is gonna work. Can you try? I mean.. Do you want to?”

You nod and it’s shy. Tentative. You give him a weak smile. “I’ll try. I mean it.”

[torterragarden]

opinion: people will look back more fondly on mk11 than mk1 (i am not saying it would be justified. i just think it will happen)

strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree

I think in general people tend to look on the previous game more fondly once its time has passed, and I think a lot of the hostility toward MK11 near the end of its life cycle was partly due to it being the only NRS game we had for like 4 years, we're all used to getting something new earlier than that (which I'm not saying is fair it's just. how it was for a long time). Even I've sort of Kalmed Down about MK11 by now, I wouldn't mind revisiting it now and then if only to play Sonya and Skarlet again

But anyway, it's hard to say how people will look back on MK1. The initial hype is kind of gone now, but the game is still very New. Honestly it was really soon for a full reboot and everything is such a novelty right now it's hard to know how we'll all feel about it in the years to come. So idk. I could see it. I could see it