#but in my personal experience this often comes from assuming the worst of the people around you due to anxiety

[genericpuff]

Hi! So this is coming from a place of genuine concern, LR Persephone isn't going to have DID right? I know you probably can't reveal much but DID is already a very stigmatized disorder so I'm always worried when I see the Signs, I hope you understand lol

I understand fully your concerns, and I hope I can reassure you in my own intentions regarding Kore / Persephone that the goal is not to demonize or stigmatize DID in any way. I actually do regularly interact with a family member who's currently seeking an official diagnosis for it, and have my own firsthand experiences with my own mental health and symptoms of childhood trauma that are intersectional with that of DID. Of course, that doesn't mean that I'm immune to stigmatizing, but rest assured that I am aware of the stigmas surrounding DID and the misconceptions that a lot of people have about it, no thanks to how it's been portrayed in mainstream media.

If I can add some additional and necessary context as to why I chose to write Kore like this, much of how I'm writing her is based on how she was initially presented to us in S1 of LO, particularly through the personification of her wrath:

I really liked this concept and was subsequently disappointed when it seemed to get left behind (though considering how LO turned out, maybe that was for the better lmao) I've always enjoyed these "inner conflict" character dynamics, but I also understand from years of writing characters like this that much of these types of tropes are often intersectional with common misconceptions and stigmas surrounding personality disorders and mental illness.

Within the context of Rekindled, Kore does not specifically have DID but her experiences are clearly intersectional with it. Ultimately my goal is to empathize, not demonize. As much as "Persephone" may be currently presenting herself as a sort of snarky "alter ego" of Kore, she is not evil, no more "evil" than Kore herself, because they're ultimately of the same mind and body, flaws and all. Persephone is often speaking truths that Kore is simply not willing to admit or able to face, the worst of which we've yet to uncover, but will be necessary to overcome. There will certainly be times when Kore's actions - spurred on by the voice of Persephone in her ear - may be ugly or wrong, but I hope in the end that I'll achieve my goal in expressing that everyone - even immortal gods - can always have another chance to heal, to forgive themselves for their past, and to do right by themselves for the sake of a brighter future. This will apply to other gods in the story as well, many of whom also share Kore's struggles and experiences.

And, assuming I do my part and deliver on my promises, there will be closure for Kore/Persephone, the readers who relate to their struggles and experiences, and many of the other characters who were hung out to dry in the original comic. That's definitely one of my biggest goals with this retelling, at least! (•̀ᴗ•́)و It's definitely one of my riskier moves as the nature of the subject is very sensitive, but I'm giving it my all in the hopes that it pays off in a more nuanced and in-depth character arc for Kore/Persephone than what we got in LO that can hopefully be embraced as a message of acceptance and self-love. And y'all can hold me to that (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

[cervinelich]

"Everyone always leaves/abandons/rejects me =C" is such a huge red flag for me. Saw someone saying this on social media the other day and knee-jerk instinct was "blockblockblock"

[cripplecharacters]

Does Your Scarred Character Have to Hate Themself?

[large text: Does Your Scarred Character Have to Hate Themself?]

(TLDR: no. literally no.)

A frequent topic that shows up around facial differences is the self-hatred, self-disgust, self-insert-negative-emotion that we must surely experience. I want to ask* writers without FDs - why? Why do you feel about us in such a way that that's the most common way of depicting us?

*- rhetorical question. I promise I know the answers, but I'm not sure if writers do.

It's frankly worrying to me. Is it really that common to assume that disabled people have this internal, never-ending hatred for themselves? The overwhelming majority of us don't. We hate inaccessibility, when people stare, or some symptoms when they get in the way, or how expensive being disabled is, but I find the concept of us being so completely disturbed by our own disabilities extremely strange. It’s “tragedy porn” intersecting “most basic ableism”.

“But trauma!”

[large text: “But trauma!”]

Trauma of what! People with facial differences don't have some sort of default trauma that we come with like it’s a factory setting. We are a group of people with tens of thousands of stories and experiences!

“Trauma of experiencing ableism/disfiguremisia” - that's better, at least this means something. If you're writing a story about this, please get a sensitivity reader with a facial difference. You can assume how we feel all you want, but in my experience these assumptions are often bizarre and unrealistic. Or just end up writing the same “disability so sad” sob story that everyone has seen a billion times. If you want to write about disfiguremisia, you need to understand the nuance and have more than just the basic level knowledge (which 99% of people don’t have either). If you can’t do that, don’t write about it. Simple as that.

“Trauma of the accident” - thankfully, the accident is an event and a facial difference is a disability. If you want to connect these two like they're one and the same, you're almost surely going to demonize disability. People with traumatic spinal cord injuries, acquired amputees, people with TBI, people with acquired facial differences - we participate in our communities, we have hobbies, we date, we play with our dogs. Disability isn't a death sentence. Media who make it feel like it is certainly don't help people who do suddenly become disabled, don't you think?

Here's a post by @blindbeta about blind characters becoming blind through trauma that’s better made than anything I could hope to write here. I heavily recommend giving it a read.

And, I can't stress this enough - most of us didn't have “the accident”, most of us are born like this! "Traumatic scars" isn't the only facial difference that exists, far from it, it's only one of thousands. It's 99% of our representation and "representation". If you want to make a character with FD - please consider that we aren't a monolith. Just like not all physical disabilities are "wheelchair user with paralysis", not all facial differences are "traumatic scar with somehow no nerve damage".

The overrepresentation of it is incredibly telling, and sometimes - or very frequently - feels like the writer doesn’t actually even want to deal with us. They want to use our disability as a way to cheap drama, moral metaphors, tragic backstories. Not to represent us as living people who are much more similar to you than you apparently think.

Now, I do have enough awareness to know that that's a big part of the appeal. “Horrific Thing #2456 happens” and boom, instant drama! Of course, it's a reasonable response that they would hide their disability for years, avoid talking about it in any way, and magically change their personality to be mean and reclusive, or at least be constantly soooo sad about how much it sucks to be disabled, right?

Do I really need to say that having your character becoming disabled be the worst thing ever is ableism 101? We have been talking about this for so long at this point. Writing about the process of adapting to a specific disability is better left to people who have actual experience in it.

To give an example that will hopefully resonate more with Tumblr users, I will use the fact that I'm also gay. It's not perfect by any means but probably much more familiar territory.

Imagine, let's say, a character. He's gay. The story he's in is supposedly progressive, certainly not trying to be homophobic. The character has experienced an incident, maybe an act of aggression or a hate crime, that happened because he’s gay, which was traumatic. Happens IRL, sure. So of course the character starts hating being gay. He talks about how gross and disgusting it is, he never lets anyone know that he could be “one of them”, certainly not take a stance against homophobia. You can't mention him without mentioning the accident, they're seemingly fused together. No gay love, joy, even basic happiness, he would actually choose to be straight in a heartbeat if given the option to and complains that he can't. This is shown as a neutral, obvious thing that a gay man would do, no one comments on it. He stays like this the whole time, unless there’s a plot twist in the last 10 pages where the world is now magically perfect ("we fixed discrimination, yay!"). This is the only LGBT character in the story.

Keep in mind that there are people similar to this in real life, living with extreme internalized homophobia.

Is this, in your opinion, realistic and thoughtful representation? How does it feel when written by a cishet writer, versus a gay writer who is recalling his experiences? Do you think that it's reasonable for the majority of media representation to be like this, or very close to it? How would it affect younger gay people who might already be uncomfortable with being queer? Are gay men the target audience, or are they not even considered as a group of people who read books? Is this helping or damaging the general public's idea of how it is to be gay? Why or why not?

The Masterpiece

[large text: The Masterpiece]

From 13 to 19 of May, we are celebrating Face Equality week (what a coincidence!). It’s important to me in general - and I wish it was more important to abled people, but I digress - especially its theme for this year.

“My Face is a Masterpiece”

Great statement, it represents the community well, I do enjoy how bold it is. Very cool stuff, I love the work our advocates are doing!

But why do I bring this up?

Well, to very non-subtly show that we aren’t a self-hating group of people. We are a community, a community saying “our faces are beautiful, look!”, we are saying “treat us equally, and do it now!”. Our activism isn’t about self-disgust. It’s about fighting your-disgust. 

Why can’t writers keep up? Why are you still stuck decades behind?

Is this the only reason I bring it up?

The Call to Celebration

[large text: The Call to Celebration]

FEI, the org behind organizing it, asks a very simple question (emphasis mine):

“Why do we so often see stories about facial difference as a ‘tragedy’, when they should be about triumph?” “Calling all artists, allies, creatives, galleries.  You can rewrite the story to bring about #FaceEquality and celebrate the unique artistry found in every face. Your participation this #FaceEqualityWeek will help to tell the real story, that there is a masterpiece in every face.”

Here. We are calling for you to stop. Directly from the biggest international advocacy alliance group that's out there. If you create, this is for you.

The last argument to not have your character with a facial difference hate themselves? Because we don’t want this. We are tired and frustrated. For me personally, I’m also offended by this kind of assumption. We aren’t tragedies or cheap entertainment for abled people to pity or be horrified by. We are people, and if you can’t internalize that, you have no reason to write about us.

For once, celebrate us. Happy Face Equality Week!

mod Sasza

[woniedarlin]

Rich in Heart: Yang Jungwon

pairing: Jungwon x rich girl! reader

synopsis: Your parents have always been proud of the person you have become, knowing that they raised a child with strong values and a gentle heart. You have always been grateful for the opportunities you have been given in life, and you recognize how fortunate you are. This has made you a kind and thoughtful person, even when others may misunderstand or assume the worst about you. So what would happen if Jungwon wasn’t able to pay for his lunch at the cafeteria but you stepped forward and helped him, initially proving him wrong with his assumptions?

warnings: you are very bold like no joke. Mentions of punching, bruise, thieving, LOTS AND LOTS OF CURSING, you two are flirty but mostly you, swatting your bum (?). A little suggestive, just a tiny one like a sprinkle of salt. Descriptions might not fit to your own, Let me know if there is more!

note: Hi my lovely darlings, this story has been on my mind and it took me to write it for a while. I hope you will love it. Reading discretion is advised.

caution: This story may inspire you to pay for Jungwon’s school lunch in an attempt to win his heart.

permanent tag list: @sol3chu @13tter @chlorinecake

Rich in Heart pt. 2

You are very spoiled by your parents. A wealthy girl, like crazy rich, always dressed in the latest luxurious and fashionable clothing. Your family is extraordinarily wealthy, making you one of the richest girls in your town. Because of your affluence, many people assume you have a bratty attitude and look down on others.

However, this couldn’t be further from the truth. You are, in fact, a sweetheart. Your parents instilled good values in you from a young age, teaching you the importance of kindness, humility, and respect for others. When people meet you, they are often taken aback by you.

Jungwon, on the other hand, is a student who lived a moderate life. He didn’t have any of the luxuries or experiences you did, but he was happy nonetheless. He knew of you—well, who didn’t? Though you two had never interacted, he was aware of your reputation and had his own assumptions about you.

But little did he know, you were not at all what he expected.

Jungwon stood at the lunch counter, tray of food in hand, as the lunch lady tallied up the amount. “That will be 5,000 won,” she said with a warm smile.

Jungwon reached into his pocket, pulling out his wallet. His smile faltered as he realized he didn’t have enough money. He counted the bills and coins he had, coming up short by a few hundred won.

A small frown tugged at the corners of Jungwon’s mouth as he stared down at the money in his hand. He mentally scolded himself—he should’ve double-checked his wallet before he got in line to buy food, but he was so preoccupied with the hunger gnawing at him that it slipped his mind. Now, he found himself in a bit of a predicament. “Shit,” he muttered under his breath.

Suddenly, he heard footsteps approaching from behind. He turned around, and his heart seemed to stop beating for a second the moment he saw you, holding a tray of food as well.

You stepped forward, setting your tray down before taking out your wallet and handing the money to the lunch lady. “Here, I got it,” you said with a warm smile.

Jungwon’s eyes widened in surprise as you stepped in front of him and offered to pay for his food, his cheeks heating up in a light blush. He hesitantly held out his wallet to you, watching as you plucked out the money with ease.

“Oh, uh, you don’t have to—” he started, only for you to brush off his protest with a small shake of your head.

“It’s fine, it’s already paid,” you replied, waving off his concerns.

Jungwon was still speechless.

For the past few years, you were a name he’d heard all over the campus—the daughter of a wealthy businessman, infamous for your wealth and your appearance. He had always assumed you were pampered and haughty, like most kids who came from rich families. He had never expected you to be so…kind. So…considerate.

“Uh…thanks,” he mumbled quietly, not knowing what else to say.

“No problem,” you said cheerfully.

You were completely different from his assumptions. You were the epitome of sweetness. Even though you came from a rich background, you were just as gentle and sweet as your appearance.

He nervously cleared his throat, searching for something to say as he desperately tried to think of any possible conversation starter. But his mind suddenly went blank.

You tilted your head, breaking his thoughts. “You’re Jungwon, right? I’ve seen you around.”

Jungwon nodded quickly, surprised that you knew his name. Even though everyone knew you, it hadn’t occurred to him that you might know his name as well.

“Yeah, that’s me,” he confirmed. After a moment of silence, he gathered enough courage to speak again. “And you are…well, everyone knows you, so no introduction needed.”

You laughed softly. “I suppose that’s true. But it’s nice to finally talk to you, Jungwon.”

He smiled, feeling a bit more at ease. “Yeah, it’s nice to talk to you too.”

You grinned and looked around the cafeteria. “I’ve noticed that the tables here are all packed. Want to sit at mine? My dad made the school reserve a table for me to sit at the cafeteria so I wouldn’t have to fight for a spot.”

Jungwon followed your gaze, noting the lack of empty tables. He couldn't believe it. Not only did you pay for his lunch, but now you were offering to let him sit with you at your reserved table. It was completely unfathomable to him. He had never imagined himself sitting beside you, the daughter of one of the wealthiest businessmen around.

He nodded, trying to keep his cool.

You made your way across the crowded cafeteria, the lunchroom noisy with chatter and laughter. Most students turned their heads as you passed, staring at the sight of the wealthy girl and the not-so-wealthy boy walking together.

Jungwon was hyper-aware of the eyes on them, and a small, uncomfortable pang filled his chest as he was reminded of the stark social differences between you. But he pushed those thoughts aside and followed you to the reserved table, taking a seat next to you.

He sat down next to you, still trying to comprehend what was happening. He glanced around discreetly, meeting several pairs of eyes from other students. Despite the attention, he tried to focus on the food in front of him.

He reached out for a fork and stabbed at a piece of food, clearing his throat before speaking quietly. “Thanks again. For paying for my food…and for letting me sit here.”

“No need to thank me, Jungwon,” you said with a warm smile, waving off his gratitude like it was no big deal. “I couldn’t just let you go hungry, could I?”

Jungwon’s heart skipped another beat at your casual response. You were so nonchalant about the whole thing like it was just a normal occurrence. He had to remind himself that you were used to this kind of thing, having grown up in a wealthy family and surrounded by extravagance and luxury.

He let out a small huff, trying to mimic your nonchalant attitude. But as he began eating, he couldn’t deny the fact that he was secretly basking in the fact that he was sitting at a table with you, the most beautiful and sought-after girl in the school.

Taking a bite of his food, he decided to ask, feeling a bit bold, “So, do you always rescue people in the cafeteria?”

You laughed at his words, a melodic sound that seemed to draw the attention of everyone nearby. “Only when they look like they need it,” you teased, a playful glint in your eye. “What about you? Do you always find yourself short on lunch money?”

Jungwon chuckled, a sheepish smile appearing on his face at your question. He couldn’t help but feel a little embarrassed knowing that he looked like a broke student in front of a very wealthy girl.

“Only on days when I forget to check my wallet. But I guess it worked out today, thanks to you.”

He paused, taking another bite. He then decided to turn the tables on you, attempting to be more bold. “So, is this part of your daily routine? Paying for strangers’ lunches and granting them the privilege of sitting at your exclusive reserved table? Or am I just lucky?” He gave you a grin.

You playfully flirted with him, “Not exactly. I only do it for cute strangers.”

He was surprised at how easily you referred to him as “cute” so nonchalantly. Nobody had ever called him cute before. Well..only his mom and his grandmother.

He chuckled, trying to come up with a witty response to your flirty banter. “Is that so? Well, I guess I should feel honored then, huh?”

“Exactly,” you replied, your eyes twinkling with amusement. You took a bite of your food, still smiling.

Jungwon chuckled again, feeling both shyness and excitement at your directness. It was hard not to feel flustered in your presence, especially with the way you were casually calling him cute and flirting with him.

He had never imagined himself in this situation, especially not with you. He felt like the luckiest guy in the schoolyard.

He’d definitely tell all about it to his friends later.

🎩

Despite the different backgrounds, you two quickly developed a strong bond. Over the weeks that followed, you two found yourselves spending more and more time together.

The cafeteria incident was only the beginning. Once Jungwon got over his initial shock and somewhat shyness, he discovered that you were genuinely down-to-earth and easy to talk to. You treated him like any other person, without any trace of the haughtiness he had originally expected.

He found himself looking forward to his days at school, knowing that he would get to see you each day.

It was a Saturday afternoon, and Jungwon and you were walking together through the streets, enjoying the sights and sounds of the city.

As they passed by different shops and stores, Jungwon pointed to a small café, his eyes lighting up with excitement. “Oh, hey, have you been to that café over there?” He pointed to a cute cafe with outdoor seating. “I heard they have great pastries.”

‘’Wanna go?” you tilted your head, a playful glint in your eye.

Jungwon nodded, smiling as he agreed. “Yeah, sure. I’ve been meaning to try it out for a while. Let’s grab a seat.” He led the way, holding the door open for you as you entered the café. The pleasant aroma of freshly brewed coffee and baked goods filled the air, instantly making him even hungrier.

“Go find a good table. I’ll grab us something to eat,” he said, heading towards the counter.

You nodded and made your way to a cozy corner table by the window, watching as Jungwon waited in line at the counter. His eyes scanned the menu board, and after a moment of contemplating, he placed your orders, grabbing a few pastries and a couple of drinks. Balancing the tray of food carefully, he made his way back to the table where you were waiting, setting down the items on the tabletop.

“Hope you like what I chose.” He sat down across from you, pushing one of the pastries in your direction, along with a drink.

“Thanks for paying for it. You didn’t have to,” you said, feeling a bit guilty for not offering to split the cost.

Jungwon shook his head, waving off your thanks with a casual shrug. “It’s no big deal. I wanted to treat you.”

He picked up one of the pastries and took a bite, savoring the flavor. Then, he looked at you with a smile. “Consider it a small payback for paying for my lunch that one time, remember?”

You chuckled, remembering the cafeteria incident. “I guess we’re even now, huh?”

Jungwon nodded in agreement. “Yeah, I guess we are. It’s nice to finally repay the favor. And it’s nice to have a friend like you.”

The word “friend” slipped out of his mouth automatically, and he hoped it didn’t sound too presumptuous. But truthfully, he couldn’t imagine calling you anything other than a friend. He felt comfortable around you like he could be himself without any pretense.

“Ouch…only a friend? That hurts,” you said, acting like it hurt, partially because you were interested in him.

He knew you were probably just joking around, but the thought of you being “hurt” by the idea of just being friends sent a pang to his chest. He tried to keep his voice casual as he responded, trying to play along with your lighthearted banter despite accidentally friendzoning you, which he never even intended to do in the first place. “Sorry, would it be better if it’s my future girlfriend?”

You feigned offense with an exaggerated gasp. “Oh, so now I’m just a placeholder until your future girlfriend comes along?”

“No, no, I’d never make you a placeholder!” He paused, pretending to be deep in thought. “Maybe I’ll just keep you around as a backup girlfriend then.”

“Well, I’m sorry but consider this a breakup already!” you said, crossing your arms with mock indignation.

Jungwon mock-gasped, pretending to be devastated. “A breakup? But we weren’t even officially together yet!”

“Pfft,” you laughed, unable to maintain the act any longer.

Jungwon couldn’t help but laugh along with you. He found himself even more smitten with you than he was before. He quickly composed himself, wiping away his “tears.”

“You’re heartless,” he mimicked you, crossing his arms. “I can’t believe you’re already breaking up with me after, like, five minutes of being my girlfriend. That’s a new record even for me.” He chuckled, feeling a warmth spread through his chest as he bantered with you.

“You know what? We should eat before we embarrass ourselves,” you said, shaking your head with a smile.

Jungwon laughed, amused by your suggestion. “You’re probably right. We’re getting a little too ridiculous here.” He picked up his pastry again, taking a bite as he tried to suppress his laughter.

After finishing their snacks and laughing together, Jungwon and you decided it was time to leave the cafe. He watched as you grabbed your bag then you two stepped out onto the street. The sunlight dazzled his eyes for a moment, and he shielded his eyes from the brightness before turning to you, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Where to next?”

“Actually, I was thinking that we could—” your words were abruptly cut off as a guy snatched your bag and ran away.

Jungwon was completely unprepared for the sudden shift in the mood. One moment, you were walking together, discussing your next destination, and the next, a man came out of nowhere, snatching your bag and fleeing.

“Your bag!” he yelled as the thief fled.

Unexpectedly for Jungwon, you immediately started running. Your heels didn't bother you as you chased the guy. “Give me my bag back, you bitch!”

Jungwon was stunned by your immediate reaction, watching as you broke into a sprint, chasing after the thief in your high heels like it was nothing. He snapped out of it and started running after you, trying to catch up.

He yelled as he ran, feeling a surge of pride, “Yeah! Get that shithead!”

Eventually, you grabbed an umbrella from a nearby holder and threw it at the guy.

As Jungwon caught up to you, panting heavily, he witnessed the umbrella hitting the thief's legs. The man stumbled and fell to the ground with a loud yell, the stolen bag slipping out of his hands. The scene was surreal, like something out of a movie.

Jungwon couldn’t help but feel impressed by your quick thinking, taking down the thief effortlessly. He ran up to you, still catching his breath. "Goddamn. She’s fast and with heels too?" he thought to himself.

You approached the downed thief and tried to snatch the bag back from him. But the man was holding onto it tightly, refusing to give it up. “Bitch? Give me that!” you yelled at the thief.

The thief yelled at you, trying to taunt you, but before he could say anything else, you landed a solid punch on his face, leaving him reeling in pain.

"That’s my girl," Jungwon said under his breath, feeling proud of your fighting spirit and willingness to defend yourself.

“Geez lady! All that for a bag?” the thief said as he lay on the ground.

“This is not just a bag, this is Prada bitch,” you said before taking the bag completely and telling a nearby police officer to take him away. Then you walked back towards Jungwon.

He walked over to you, a mixture of admiration and concern visible on his face. He studied you for a moment, taking in your disheveled appearance and messy hair. Despite everything that had just happened, you were still the most gorgeous girl he had ever laid eyes on. “You alright?” he asked.

“Absolutely,” you replied,

A sigh of relief escaped his lips as you responded that you were all right. He surveyed you again, checking for any signs of injury or distress. “You sure?” he pressed. “That was intense. You punched that guy straight in the face.”

He couldn’t help but think it was kind of hot, seeing you defend your property like that. Shaking the thought out of his head, he took a step closer to you, his tone softer now. “You scared me.”

Your heart felt warm at his concern. “I’m so sorry,” you said, pulling him into a hug.

Jungwon was caught off guard by your sudden hug, but he quickly melted into it. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close, feeling the warmth and comfort of your embrace.

“No, don’t be sorry. I’m just glad you’re not hurt,” he spoke into your hair. The initial panic and fear he had felt during the chase slowly ebbed away, replaced by both relief and affection. “Such a badass, though.”

“I know,” you said, not planning to pull away from the hug.

Jungwon chuckled, burying his face into your shoulder. He found himself enjoying this unexpected moment of intimacy, liking the feeling of you in his arms. “Of course you know,” he teased, his voice muffled. “Is there anything you can’t do? Taking down thieves like it’s nothing. And looking beautiful while doing it.”

You grinned, pulling away a little to look at his face. “Well, back to what I was saying, I was kind of thinking we could go walk around a mall?”

The mention of going to a mall seemed harmless enough, but Jungwon couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at the suggestion. “A mall? Trying to get another expensive brand?” he said teasingly, referring to the Prada bag that you had just gone to great lengths to protect.

“Duh,” you replied, flipping your hair.

He chuckled, something about the idea of you walking around a mall filled with luxury stores made him feel a bit uneasy. He knew that the mall would be filled with crowds of people, all with their agendas and attitudes. And he couldn’t help but wonder how you would navigate that environment with your usual elegance and grace.

Nevertheless, he didn’t want to dampen your excitement, so he nodded. “Alright, let’s go. But no more chasing thieves, okay?” He added with a playful grin.

You laughed, linking your arm with his. “Deal. Let’s just enjoy our time together.”

🎩

Days later, you were in a mall yet again after classes, but only with yourself. Holding a shopping bag, you walked around, browsing the stores.

Jungwon stood by the fountain in the middle of the mall, taking a moment to rest after a long day of classes. He took a sip from his drink as he watched mall-goers pass by—couples, families, and friends, all engrossed in their worlds.

He couldn’t help but glance around, looking for a familiar face amongst the sea of people. Then, suddenly, he spotted you. Wanting to talk to you immediately, he followed you around, but you were too fast.

As you were walking, you noticed a guy following you, not knowing it was Jungwon. When you felt a hand on your shoulder, you turned around and punched.

The unexpectedness of it all caught him off guard, and before he could react, your knuckles made contact with his cheek.

“Ah!” he held his cheek. “It’s me!! It’s me!!”

You widened your eyes as you covered your mouth. "Oh my! I’m so sorry, Jungwon. I’m sorry!"

Jungwon let out a small pained noise as he held his cheek, the stinging feeling slowly fading to a dull throb. "It's...okay..." he managed to say through gritted teeth. "I should've known better than to sneak up on you like that."

You kept apologizing over and over. "I didn’t mean to! I thought you were a stranger. Are you alright? I feel terrible."

“It’s alright, it’s alright, I’m fine,” he reassured you, gently rubbing his cheek. He was secretly impressed by your reflexes, but he was also slightly amused by the irony of the situation. “You sure pack a punch, huh?” he joked, a smile playing on his lips.

“I just... I thought...” you muttered, still shaken from the incident.

Jungwon nodded, understanding your reaction. “It’s okay, really. I get it. You reacted on instinct. Can’t fault you for that.”

He looked at you, curiosity piqued. “Can’t help but ask: where’d you learn to punch like that?”

“Honestly? I don’t know,” you shrugged. “It just happened.”

Jungwon chuckled, shaking his head in mild disbelief. He couldn’t help but find it slightly absurd that you had been able to throw a punch like that without any formal training. “So you’re telling me you just naturally have those badass instincts?” he asked, still holding his cheek but seeming less in pain now. “Well, I’ll consider it a blessing to be punched by you.”

“Pfft, you are sick,” you said, a small smile breaking through your concern.

Jungwon chuckled again. He knew he might sound ridiculous, but there was something oddly gratifying about being the recipient of your powerful punch. It kind of made him feel like he was in a cheesy action movie or something.

He glanced at you, a smirk on his face. “Maybe a little bit. But can you blame me? It’s not every day that a pretty girl punches me in the face.”

You shook your head, still feeling bad. “Well, is there anything I could do for you? As payback for the punch?”

Jungwon thought for a moment, a grin spreading across his face. He knew you didn’t owe him anything, but he couldn’t resist the opportunity to tease you a bit more. “Hmm, payback?”

He pretended to think for a moment, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. “Well, there is something you could do...”

🎩

You two were outside his house. It wasn’t like the house—well, mansion—you were used to living in. But rather a homely-looking one. Not too big, but not too small.

Jungwon unlocked the front door to his house, ushering you inside. The contrast between your luxurious upbringing and his modest surroundings was quite stark, but he seemed unfazed by it.

The inside of the house was cozy and inviting, with a lived-in feel. The furniture was old but clean, and it was evident that care had been taken to make it homey.

He looked at you as you took in the environment.

You looked around in shock. “Wow... this is... beautiful.”

Jungwon smiled at your reaction. He wasn’t used to hearing someone describe his home as beautiful. Compared to the extravagant homes you were accustomed to, his modest dwelling might seem like a hovel.

Nevertheless, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride in his home.

“You think so? I mean, it’s nothing fancy like where you live, but it’s home, y’know?”

“It is,” you nodded in agreement, genuinely appreciating the warmth and coziness of his house. “It feels so... welcoming. I can see why you love it here.”

A warm smile tugged at Jungwon’s lips as he saw your sincere expression

He led you further inside, gesturing for you to take a seat on the couch in the living room. “You can make yourself comfortable. Do you want anything to drink? I got water, soda, juice...”

“I’m fine,” you smiled, still taking in the surroundings. “Thank you, though. It’s nice of you to invite me over.”

Jungwon nodded and then disappeared into the kitchen, returning a moment later with a glass of water for himself.

He settled down beside you on the couch. He looked at you, a silent moment of contemplation passing before he spoke again. "Thanks for coming.”

“I am still shocked that you invited me to your house all of a sudden. Are you planning something?” you teased him, raising an eyebrow playfully. “I mean, you didn’t even give me a heads-up.”

He leaned back against the couch cushions, feigning innocence, although a playful glimmer in his eyes betrayed his true thoughts. “Planning something with you, huh?”

He gave a small shrug as if the thought had never crossed his mind. “Can’t a guy invite a girl over without any ulterior motives?”

“Dad says most guys would,” you said, crossing your arms with a smirk. “He’s always warning me about that.”

Jungwon grinned, unable to deny that statement. He knew how guys thought, being one himself. “Well, I’m not like most guys,” he said, his eyes meeting yours. “And you’re not like most girls either, if I may say so.”

You pointed at him and then at yourself. “You and me both, I guess. We’re definitely a unique pair.”

Jungwon’s smile softened. “Yeah…” He paused. Then, a smirk returned to his face. “Though, you’re definitely the first girl I’ve invited over that wasn’t my mom or my grandmother. And the first girl I’ve invited immediately after punching me in the cheek.”

You winced. “Oh yeah... I still feel terrible about that.”

“Hey, hey.”

He reached out gently and placed a hand on your shoulder, sensing your guilt. He wasn’t upset about the punch. In fact, he found it kind of hilarious now. He let out a soft laugh, giving your shoulder a light squeeze. “It’s okay, seriously. No need to feel bad. Besides, I kinda deserved it, sneaking up on you like that.”

“If anything, I should be thanking you for allowing me to have a badass bruise on my face.”

“But your cheek... how am I supposed to poke your dimple if it hurts?” you pouted a little, genuinely concerned. You really liked his dimples. “It’s one of your best features, you know.”

“My dimple, hm? That’s what you’re worried about?” He laughed, gently rubbing his sore cheek with his hand. “It’s just a bruise. It’ll heal, eventually, and my dimple will be all yours for poking again soon enough.”

“Good,” you said with a satisfied nod. “Because I don’t think I could live without poking it.”

Both of you were engaged in conversation, bantering back and forth, never realizing how late it was. The rain started to fall outside, initially a soft pitter-patter on the windows, gradually escalating into a pounding. The change in weather was subtle at first, but as the minutes passed, the downpour outside became heavier and more intense.

Jungwon glanced out the window, realizing how late and dark it had gotten. “Looks like the weather took a turn for the worse,” he commented, his gaze shifting from the window back to you. “Heavy rains like these usually last a while. I hope you weren’t planning on going home anytime soon.”

“But I’m supposed to go home. My parents would be worried,” you said, looking a bit anxious. “They always worry when I’m out late.”

Jungwon nodded, understanding your situation. The last thing you needed was to worry your mother, especially your father, by being out late. “It’s not safe to be out there in this kind of weather. You’ll get soaked and catch a cold, or worse.”

“What do you suggest?” you asked, looking at him expectantly. “I don’t want to cause any trouble.”

Jungwon pondered for a moment, thinking through possible options. He didn’t want you to risk going home in the middle of bad weather, but he also didn’t want to overstep his boundaries and make you uncomfortable. He looked at you, his expression becoming more serious.

“You can stay here for the night. The rain might not let up for a few hours, and it would be safer than trying to brave it out there.”

“Are you sure?” you asked, hesitating. “I don’t want to impose or anything and I already did a number on you...”

“Trust me, your punch didn’t do that much damage. Besides, it’s just a bruise. I’ve had worse,” he said with a light wave of his hand, partially lying.

It did hurt like a bitch, but he really took pride in it. “And don’t worry about me. I’m the one who offered, remember?”

“Well, I should call my dad to let him know that I’m here. I’m sure he’s a worried mess now,” you said, taking your phone from your bag.

Jungwon nodded in agreement, suddenly realizing he had been so caught up in the moment that he completely forgot about the need to inform your parents. He mentally berated himself for not thinking about this sooner. “Right, yeah. You should probably give him a call, and let him know you’re safe and sound here. I’m sure he’s worried.” He reached out and gave your arm a light pat, trying to reassure you.

You stood up and dialed your dad’s number. “Hi, daddy—”

“Sweet pie! Are you still at the mall? It’s raining heavily and windy,” your dad interrupted, his voice filled with concern.

You tried to calm him down. “I’m fine, daddy. I’m at a friend’s house. Don’t worry.”

“A friend? Is it a boy or a girl?” your dad asked, his tone growing more serious.

“A boy—” you began, then immediately cut off, realizing how that sounded.

“A boy? A boy, sweet pie? No,” your dad said, clearly anxious.

“Don’t worry, daddy. I’ll be fine, please. If anything happens, I’ll call,” you reassured him, trying to keep your voice calm.

“You still have the pepper spray? You better have that next to you while you sleep, and no funny business!” your dad said, his tone stern.

“Of course, daddy. I love you. Tell mommy I love her too. Good night, you two,” you said, hoping to end the call on a positive note.

“Of course, sweet pie. I love you too. Be safe, and good night,” your dad replied, his voice softening a bit.

Jungwon watched as you ended the call, your phone falling silent. He waited quietly for a moment, letting the silence linger. Once you turned back towards him, he spoke up. “Did he freak out?”

You nodded. “Yeah, he did.”

Jungwon chuckled, not surprised at all. He could only imagine the kind of panic a single phone call from you could induce in your protective father. “Well, at least you managed to calm him down somewhat, right?”

You shrugged, a small smile on your face. “Somewhat.”

“Well, there’s a slight problem: my clothes,” you said, glancing down at your designer outfit.

Jungwon glanced at your designer clothes, realizing that they were probably worth more than the total cost of his entire wardrobe. He knew how delicate and expensive designer labels could be, and he had no idea if they were washing machine-friendly.

“Hmm, well, if you’re concerned about your clothes, I can find you some of my spare clothes to wear for the night. They’re not as fancy, I’m sure, but they’re comfortable and clean.”

You gave him a relieved smile. “That would be great, thank you so much.”

Jungwon smiled and nodded, then stood up from the couch. “No problem. Just make yourself comfortable while I go get those clothes for you.”

He walked down the hallway to his room, leaving you in the living room. After a few minutes, he returned with a pair of gray sweatpants and a black T-shirt. “Here you go,” he said, handing you the clothes.

“Thanks,” you said, taking the clothes from him. You glanced around, then back at Jungwon. “Can I also borrow your face wash? I assume you have some because your skin is flawless.”

Jungwon chuckled at your compliment and nodded. “Yeah, of course you can. I have a whole skincare routine. Can’t have my skin looking bad, can I?” He gestured toward the bathroom again. “Just grab whatever you need from the shelf. And you’re welcome to use my toothbrush too if you want.”

You laughed, feeling more at ease. “The new one, I hope.”

“Yeah, the new one,” he assured with a smile. “Go ahead and get changed, then you can freshen up. I’ll be in the living room if you need anything else.”

You headed to the bathroom, changed into Jungwon’s clothes, and followed his instructions to use the skincare products on the shelf. Feeling refreshed, you re-entered the living room a while later, wearing his oversized clothes.

Jungwon was lounging on the couch when you walked in, and he looked up as you entered. His reaction was immediate, his eyes widening and his cheeks reddening.

For a moment, he seemed lost for words. His baggy clothes hung loosely on you, making you look smaller and more delicate. Seeing you without makeup for the first time, he couldn’t help but be struck by your natural beauty. “Woah…”

You tilted your head, feeling self-conscious. “What? Do I look weird?”

Jungwon quickly shook his head, snapping out of his daze. “No, not at all. You look good. Really good.”

His words made you blush slightly, and you walked over to sit beside him on the couch. “Thanks. It feels weird not having any makeup on, but your skincare stuff is really nice.”

He nodded, his eyes still fixed on you. “I just hadn’t seen you without makeup before, that’s all. You look different, but not in a bad way. Beautiful, rather.”

Your cheeks warmed even more at his compliment. “Oh, thank you…’’

Jungwon continued to look at you for a moment, taking in the sight of your natural beauty. Without the confident, poised facade you often wore, you looked more innocent, more approachable, and it made his heart skip a beat.

He cleared his throat again, trying to shift the focus. “So, uh, how do those clothes fit? Are they comfortable?”

You smiled, hugging yourself slightly. “They’re comfortable. I’ll just return them to you washed when we meet up again.”

Jungwon nodded, relieved that the clothes were at least comfortable for you. “Yeah, sure.” He then added with a playful tone, “Though, I won’t lie, I kinda like seeing you in my clothes. You look cute in them.”

“You know what? I changed my mind. They look better on you. They’re yours.” he added.

“Wait, really?” you tilted your head in surprise.

He mimicked your gesture, tilting his head, a small smile playing on his lips. “Yeah. You can keep them. They suit you better than they ever suited me anyway.”

“Wow, thank you,” you said, hugging yourself from the comfiness of the clothes. “This is now my favorite outfit.”

The sight of you hugging yourself in his oversized sweatshirt was almost too cute for him to handle. “No problem. They look way better on you anyway.” He paused, watching you as you continued to appreciate the clothes. A small smirk came as a teasing thought crossed his mind. “Though, I wouldn’t mind seeing you in my clothes more often.”

“I don’t mind either,” you replied with a smile.

Jungwon had half-expected you to brush off his comment, so your agreement was a pleasant surprise. His eyes flicked up and down your figure, taking in the sight of you in his clothes. He definitely wouldn’t mind you wearing them more often. “Well, great. Just so you know, that offer stands. Anytime you want to borrow more clothes from me, you’re welcome to.”

“Well, where should I sleep? The couch will be fine,” you said, looking around uncertainly.

Jungwon’s face darkened somewhat at the thought of you sleeping on the couch. It didn’t sit right with him at all. There was no way he’d allow that.

He shook his head firmly. “No way. You’re not sleeping on the couch. You can take my bed.”

You furrowed your brow, concerned. “But what about you?”

Jungwon smiled reassuringly. “I’ll be fine. I can take the couch. It’s comfortable enough for one night.”

You shook your head in disagreement. “No, I’ll be taking the couch.”

Jungwon immediately protested, adamant not to let you sleep on the couch. “No, you’re not. You’re my guest, and I insist you take the bed.”

You folded your arms, equally determined. “No, you are not.”

Jungwon’s resolve remained. He refused to back down on this. “Yes, I am. It’s non-negotiable. You will be sleeping on the bed, and I will take the couch. End of story.”

You defiantly sat down on the couch, refusing to budge. “I’m staying here.”

Jungwon’s eyes narrowed as he stood his ground a few feet away. “No, you’re not. You’re going to that bedroom, and you’re going to sleep in the bed.”

Before you could react, he effortlessly lifted you onto his shoulder.

“Ah! Let me down! I’ll be sleeping on the couch!” you panicked, squirming in his grip.

Ignoring your protests, Jungwon carried you towards the bedroom, determined to settle this once and for all. “Nope, sorry. I warned you already. You’re sleeping in the bed, and that’s final.”

He kicked the bedroom door open and unceremoniously dumped you onto the bed. “There. See? Wasn’t that difficult, was it?”

But before he could retreat, you grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards you.

“Woah, hey! What are you—” Jungwon began, surprised by your sudden move. Despite his resistance, you were surprisingly strong, and he found himself being pulled onto the bed beside you with a slight bounce.

“Now we both sleep in your bed,” you declared with a mischievous smile.

Jungwon lay there next to you, completely taken aback by your unexpected persistence. There was something about the way you were looking at him, that made him give up on arguing... Perhaps resisting would only result in more trouble, like another punch…

“…Fine. We’ll both sleep here,” he relented, his tone softening.

“Good night,” you said with a smile.

He shifted to get comfortable, turning to face you. “Good night,” he replied. “And don’t hog the blanket.”

Suddenly, you clung to him, catching him off guard.

Jungwon blinked in surprise but decided to go along with it. Slowly, he lifted his arm and wrapped it around you, pulling you closer against his chest. The sensation of you holding onto him felt oddly comforting yet exhilarating.

“You’re going to hold onto me all night, hm…?” Jungwon mused, a touch of warmth in his voice.

“Exactly. Now sleep,” you said firmly, settling in against him.

He sighed softly, closing his eyes and letting himself relax. “Alright, alright. I’m sleeping. And you better not complain about me hogging the blanket in the morning either.”

🎩

‘’AHHH! WHY IS IT SIZZLING LIKE THAT? Jungwon, help!’’ you yelled trying to hold the handle of the pan.

Jungwon was sitting at the kitchen counter, his morning disheveled hair tousled from sleep and eyes still half-closed with drowsiness. He was sipping on a glass of orange juice.

He looked up as he heard your panicked cry, his eyes widening at the sight of you in front of the stove, frantically trying to control the sizzling food in the pan. He couldn’t help but snicker. “Calm down, it’s fine. Just turn down the heat.”

‘’I don’t wanna burn the food!’’ “I don’t want to burn the food!” you exclaimed, your voice tinged with anxiety as you wrestled with the stove dial.

Jungwon laughed and set his glass down, getting up from his seat. He approached you and placed a calming hand on your back. “You won’t burn the food, trust me. It just needs a little less heat, that’s all.” He reached past you and turned down the heat on the stove, then looked at the pan to assess the food. It was starting to burn, but it was fixable.

He grabbed a spatula and began to carefully stir the food in the pan, preventing it from sticking and burning. “See? Just keep stirring it slowly and let the heat do its job. It’s not rocket science.” He shot you a smirk, enjoying your panicked state a bit too much.

“I’m just used to having my chef at home,” you admitted with a hint of embarrassment, glancing up at him.

Jungwon nodded at your confession, not surprised in the slightest. He had already guessed that you weren’t used to doing any sort of housework, considering your family’s wealth and status. “Of course you are. How could I forget that you have a personal chef to cook all your meals for you?” He continued stirring the food, his smirk remaining.

‘’Well, I’m willing to learn,” you said tentatively, determination in your voice.

Raising an eyebrow in mild surprise, Jungwon turned to look at you, impressed by your sudden eagerness. “Really? You’re interested in learning?”

He continued to stir, adding, “I’m not the best cook myself, but I’ve picked up a few things from Jay hyung. I could teach you sometime. But for now, let’s wrap this up so we can finally eat breakfast.”

‘’Alright,” you agreed as you watched Jungwon expertly season and stir the food.

Jungwon continued to stir the food in the pan, carefully attending to the sizzling onions and mushrooms. He sprinkled some spices and seasonings over it to enhance the flavor and added a few other ingredients before turning off the heat.

He put the food onto a plate and handed it to you, a proud expression on his face. “Here you go. Your first attempt at cooking, courtesy of me.”

Taking a bite, you savored the flavors, surprised by how good it turned out. “Wow, this is good!”

Jungwon watches as you take a bite of the food, a hint of pride washing over him. “See, it’s not so difficult, right? You just needed a little guidance.” He grins and steals a forkful of food off your plate, popping it into his mouth and savoring the taste.

Though out of nowhere…

‘’Want to be my boyfriend? I’d be really glad if you were,” you asked casually, but your heart raced with nervous anticipation.

Caught off guard by your sudden question, Jungwon choked on his food, his eyes widening in surprise. “W-What?”

He stammered, utterly taken aback by your directness. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, trying to keep your tone casual despite the butterflies in your stomach.

Jungwon sat in stunned silence for a moment, hardly believing what he was hearing. You, the sought-after, affluent girl, were asking him to be your boyfriend.

Shaking his head slightly, still processing the shock of your confession, he managed, “You… want me to be your boyfriend? But why? I’m just a regular guy. You could have anyone.”

“You can answer me after we eat,” you suggested, trying to hide the nervous tremor in your voice.

Nodding in agreement, Jungwon set aside his questions for the moment, focusing on the food. He stole glances at you, curious about what was going on that pretty head of yours.

🎩

After eating, you both found yourselves on the couch, staring at each other in a brief silence. “Yo, your answer. You can just reject me and we can still be friends,” you said, though you weren’t entirely honest – rejection would definitely sting.

He struggled to find the right words. “Why would you want to be with me, out of everyone?”

“I just like you. I like everything about you. It’s kind of obvious. Well, to me at least,” you admitted, your voice soft but sincere.

He swallowed hard, trying to process your words. It was hard to believe that someone like you saw him in such a positive light. Running a hand through his hair nervously, he murmured, “Are you… sure you haven’t lost your mind?”

“Are you calling me crazy?” you retorted, a hint of playful challenge in your tone.

Jungwon quickly shook his head, realizing his mistake. “No, no, I didn’t mean it like that,” he assured you, guilt flickering in his eyes.

“It’s just… you’re kind of, well, out of my league. You’re rich, beautiful, and probably the most popular girl in school.”

“And I still like you,” you said firmly, hoping he could see the honesty in your eyes.

He studied your face for a moment, then sighed, acceptance softening his voice. “I guess it doesn’t make sense, does it? For you to choose me.”

Turning towards you, he added, “Alright… I’ll be your boyfriend.”

You squealed.

Jungwon had never seen you so animated, and it was strangely endearing. He reached over, patting your head affectionately, a small smile playing on his lips. “Calm down, princess. No need to squeal like that. You’re going to bust my eardrums.”

“We’re dating now! I can’t wait for our tea dates!” you exclaimed, bouncing slightly on the couch.

Jungwon had a sense of your high-maintenance nature, being the pampered rich girl of the school, but he found himself looking forward to experiencing it all. “Tea dates? Of course,” he chuckled softly, shaking his head at your expensive tastes.

Tilting your head, you added, “Well, we can go wherever you want!”

Jungwon had assumed you’d prefer fancy, expensive outings, given your wealth. Your willingness to go anywhere with him was a pleasant surprise.

After a moment’s thought, he spoke with a smirk, “Are you sure you’re okay with going somewhere cheap? No luxury restaurants or expensive boutiques?”

“Absolutely! I’m so excited,” you assured him eagerly.

Jungwon laughed at your enthusiasm, still surprised that you’d opt for something so different from your usual lifestyle, just for him. Rising from the couch, he extended his hand to you, mischief twinkling in his eyes. “Let’s go then, princess. I know just the place.”

“Wait, now?” you asked, looking up at him.

He nodded, a sly grin spreading across his face. “Yeah, why not? Unless you’ve got something more important to do than spend time with your boyfriend.”

With a wink, he held his hand out, waiting for you to join him.

“But we’re in our pajamas, and we just ate. Plus, it’s still early,” you protested, feeling both excitement and apprehension.

“So what? It’s never too early, and it doesn’t matter what we’re wearing. Besides, you look cute in your pajamas.” Jungwon gently poked your nose. “Now come on, let’s go.”

“But we just ate, Jungwon,” you persisted, reluctant to leave the comfort of the couch.

“We can grab a light snack where we’re going. Don’t worry so much.” He took your hand, pulling you up from the couch. “Come on. Stop being a cute baby and come with me.”

“Alright, fine. Only because you said yes,” you relented, giving in to his playful persistence.

Jungwon squeezed your hand, a soft smile playing on his lips. “Good.” Letting go of your hand, he gave you a playful swat on the butt, gently nudging you forward.

“Ouch! My butt!” you exclaimed, rubbing your bum.

“Quit being dramatic. It was just a swat. Your butt is still intact,” Jungwon teased, smirking as he watched you move ahead, shaking his head affectionately.

🎩

As the days went by, the news that you were dating Jungwon spread like wildfire throughout the school. No one could believe it.

Jungwon, on the other hand, was enjoying his new status as your boyfriend. It felt weird at first, having everyone’s eyes on him, but he quickly got used to it. Every time someone would stare at him in disbelief, he would smirk and wrap an arm around your waist.

When a guy would comment something bad about him, you’ll just punch him and move forward through the day like nothing happened. Just being the princess you are. (Though you always believed that violence is never the answer and that it’s better to answer everything with grace but when it comes to Jungwon, you’ll fight everyone who looks down on him.)

One afternoon, Jungwon lounged on his bed, casually scrolling through his phone. A knock interrupted his idle moment, and he called out, “Come in.”

“Im home, bitch,” you announced, breezing into his room and closing the door behind you.

Jungwon chuckled sarcastically at your greeting. “Is that any way to greet your boyfriend?”

“Sorry,” you cleared your throat, suddenly more formal. “Hi, baby! I’m home.”

His eyes softened as you greeted him properly. Setting his phone aside, he said, “Hi there, princess. Come here, I need cuddles.”

You complied, walking over to him. Jungwon eagerly wrapped his arms around you, pulling you onto his lap. “Mmm, I missed you. How was your day?”

You shrugged nonchalantly. “Just the usual.”

Humming softly, Jungwon nuzzled against your neck, planting a few gentle kisses. “Just the usual, huh? No gossip or drama?”

“Lots of gossip, actually, but I’ll tell you all about it later,” you replied, running your fingers through his hair.

Jungwon perked up at the mention of gossip, always intrigued by school rumors, especially those involving you. He adjusted his position so he could see your face, keeping his arms securely around you. “Gossip, you say? Must be something good if you’re saving it.”

“Well, first, let me just say how handsome you look right now. If you want me to kneel for you, I will,” you teased, meeting his gaze playfully.

Jungwon smirked suggestively, raising an eyebrow. “Oh really? You’d get on your knees for me just like that?”

“Babe, not like that!” you protested, cheeks flushing slightly.

He laughed heartily. “I know, I’m just teasing you.” Leaning in, he planted a sweet kiss on your cheek, his hold on you gentle yet reassuring.

“I love my pretty princess,” Jungwon murmured affectionately.

“Love you too, won…” you murmured back, enjoying the closeness.

Then, a more serious note entered your voice. “Hey, wonie?”

“Yeah, baby?” Jungwon replied, sensing a shift in the conversation.

‘’My dad wants to meet you…’’

“Oh shit’’

[ihaveverything]

Limitless manifesting for beginners

part I - basic concepts

part II - states, techniques, change

part III - mental diet, sats

ʚ part IV - daily life, time

part V - resistance, faith, the ''real'' world

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ

Daily life

The “hard” part of manifesting is not knowing where to get information. There are plenty of resources on the internet to help you get a decent understanding on the Law, as well as original work from source teachers like Neville. A fairly common issue is overconsumption of content, leading to having a jumbled mess of info and confusion on how to go about your daily life. It’s understandable to feel lost, so I will break it down as simply as possible.

You are always being someone. Let’s say you’re manifesting an SP. We know that you cannot occupy two states at once, therefore you’re either in lack or you’re in fulfillment. When you think about your desire (SP or anything else), notice where your mind goes. What thoughts do you have? How are you feeling? What do you know to be true as of this moment? An example of a lack state while manifesting would be thoughts like “I do not have my SP”, “I wish they were here”, “I want to reach out”, “I hope they haven’t forgotten about me”, and feeling rejected, apathy, guilt, fear, etc. Basically knowing they aren’t yours right now. The emotional reactions and intensity of negative thoughts you get may vary from person to person, but the common factor in lack is always the knowing that your desire isn’t here.

A more positive mental diet would be automatically making the choice that you feel as though you have something each time you think of it. It’s as simple as:

Step 1: Identify your desire, I want X.

Step 2: I have it. (Making this choice by utilizing the feeling of having it, this can be attained through techniques or merely a simple decision)

Step 3: Rinse and repeat

I often suggest people make examples out of negative things in order to understand how the positive might look. When you see something unfavorable in the 3D, what is your immediate reaction? Was there any strain or resistance to assuming or fearing the worst? Probably not. Your thoughts, feelings, and reactions will always be aligned with your dominant state. Your only job is to change your dominant dwelling state by entertaining the positive instead of lack. Manifesting is consciously guiding your mind towards where it needs to be, repeatedly making a firm decision that you are something right now, knowing that your desire being unseen right now does not mean it’s non-existent, but it is yours no matter what.

Manifesting is actually much simpler than it seems. Aim to become the person within, and you will see without. Change your 4D, and your 3D will follow. Live your life feeling like the person who has your desires until that state is dominant.

Time

Everyone wants their desires fast, which is completely understandable. It’d be a disappointment if desires had to take an absurdly long time to show up. Many people will say that it’s not good to think about time, because it pulls you away from living in the end, and you focus on the process, which is true. However, it’s also beneficial to acknowledge how time in manifestation works, so that people can have more faith. Like always, your biggest improvements will always come from your own experience and application of the Law, but sometimes knowing why things don’t have to take months or years to reflect is helpful to people’s faith in going all in.

“The time it takes your assumption to become fact, your desire to be fulfilled, is directly proportionate to the naturalness of your feeling of already being what you want to be – of already having what you desire. The fact that it does not feel natural to you to be what you imagine yourself to be is the secret of your failure.” – Neville Goddard, The Power of Awareness

The time it takes to manifest something depends on how natural your state of awareness is. The state of the wish fulfilled is basically you identifying with a different probable reality where your desire is already yours, and you are utilizing feeling to make that decision to occupy a different state.

We live in a world that is expressed in 3 dimensions. A 4th dimension would be adding on the concept of time, but this does not mean that time is linear. It doesn’t flow in a straight line from birth to death. There have been many scientific studies on the theory that the past, present and future may exist simultaneously. Life could be compared to a movie, because you are watching (experiencing) one scene (event) at a time, but all scenes (events) exist in the present. Just because you are watching the famous deck scene from the Titanic movie right now, it does not mean the ending credits of that movie don’t exist. Creation is finished as a spirituality concept explains that all infinite probable versions of yourself, others, and realities already exist in the present. Every moment of the day we are experiencing a frame, and we move through these frames smoothly enough to maintain a sense of reality and balance so it doesn’t seem like we’re glitching through life, but every event you want to experience is already an existing thing. That’s what people mean by “it is done”. By identifying with an alternate probable version of yourself and whatever you want to manifest, you are selecting a different reality to experience. No circumstance or anything in the 3d can change an existing reality. If that reality already exists right now, then there’s no such thing as the universe acting like a factory and somehow manufacturing and remaking your circumstances so that they align with your new identity. It’s not a process of creation. It’s not a 2 month process for your person to conform, or a 7 month process for you to become wealthy. The version of you that is in a loving relationship already there, your money is already there, etc.

Make your state natural. When I say you can get your stuff fast with discipline, I do not mean that you need to affirm 10k times a day or visualize 500 times and “saturate” your mind to the point of being burnt out. It doesn’t have to be that hard. The discipline is only entertaining the states that align with having your desire, and not returning to lack. If you can just be 1 version of yourself, and stop jumping back and forth between 2 contradictory identities, then your dominant beliefs and state will change. This should be simple to understand because habits stick easier when you're only moving forward without taking a few steps back every couple of hours or even minutes. When you’ve made your new state completely natural, meaning your beliefs have truly changed (not just you think they’ve changed because you’re in a decent mood today), your desires will reflect fairly quickly. Additionally, for the people who spent months or even years to gain success, they were most likely wavering during that time. The solid chunk of time where they were fully committed to a disciplined mental diet and had conviction / faith was most certainly nowhere near that long. It was probably much shorter.

When people express disbelief in faster manifestations, it’s evident they believe things will take time, perhaps the “bigger” things take more time, or manifestation itself is a completely unpredictable process of blind faith. Knowing things can happen fast is not controlling. It’s not setting a time limit on yourself either, because anyone who has truly manifested something in days will know that when asked about their success, the first thing that comes to mind is definitely not “I wanted my stuff fast, so I tried to control the time”. How fast you get your desires should not be the focus of your attention in any case; people can feel free to be motivated with buying the Pearl of Great Price with the Law since there is a possibility of success being right around the corner. Above all, Neville and Seth have said that most desires do not take over 30-40 days to see significant movement or even reach the full manifestation. Proper mental dieting will give you results within a reasonable amount of time, so there’s no need to wait in impatience and fear for months or years.

source tba

[lolliepops-rox]

Hello 2024 Hetalia fandom. I want to talk about schizophrenic Arthur Kirkland.

Background: I myself is someone with psychosis, along with experience with schizophrenic family members. I'm not talking completely out of my ass. But not do I obviously speak for every mental ill person ever. Moreover, I am pulling on the way being a nation would affect his relationship with being schizophrenic.

I am extremely new to the fandom, but my best friend who has been here for a decade has talked with me about how the idea was handled in the past. I want to give this headcanon a genuine and sincere look at it, because I think it's interesting and I want to project onto Arthur a little.

One of the reasons he's a terrible cook is actually because of his schizophrenia. Disordered thinking means he struggles to follow steps in a recipe. The impact on his motor skills makes him even worse. Please do not give this man a knife. He will cut himself.

I think because of his own experience with cooking, he is prone to food related paranoia, things like it being rotten or poisoned, sometimes affected by the era/current events. During times of famine he's gonna lean towards rotten, verse maybe some civil unrest leading to him thinking his food is poisoned. Disordered eating is a huge problem for him. (We found out partly where Alfred gets it from lol)

Continuing with the food theme, smelling rotten food is a common hallucination for him. Olfactory hallucinations just make sense for him to me, so the smell of fire and gas is a common one too. (This is partly the effect of the many London fires throughout the centuries).

In terms of visional hallucinations, I don't think he'd be very prone to it. Reality checks for them he'd have to rely on his British Isles brothers for them, due to being able to see actual mythical creatures. This is made hard by the fact he's often not on speaking terms with his brothers. This has resulted in an incident where Arthur had assumed a creature following him was a hallucination, that turned out to be real and was HIGHLY offended at being ignored for so long.

In terms of delusions, being a public figure makes discerning reality difficult at times. He is super prone to delusions about being hated by everyone, or being the most popular person ever. This can be hard to reality check because well, he is famous, and sometimes the public does hate him, and people have tried to kill him. My poor man's ego can NOT handle being a public figure with schizophrenia.

England, circa. 2003, on the phone to his PA: Can you send someone over? Either someone is trying to kill me, I'm having another episode, or both. I am not leaving my house until this is resolved. Thanks.

In terms of disordered movement, he would get slapped with that very 'childish' label. Arthur holds himself and moves in a way that looks weird to others. He moves way too much, everything has more motion and steps than necessary, overly fluid. It often leads to people getting accidentally hit by a stray hand from Arthur.

Arthur is NOTORIOUS for his word salad. I feel like Francis over the years has adjusted to understand a lot of Arthur's word salad but still sometimes it's like

Arthur: -gibberish-

Antonio: uhhh what did he say?

Francis: Don't look at me, this is even beyond my understanding of England.

Alfred is the worst of the native English speaking countries when it comes to understanding Arthur's word salad. Like Ludwig is better at guess what Arthur meant than Alfred is.

Anyways, that's some of my thoughts <3 I would love to hear other people's ideas & feedback. Thnx xD

[thegambitgazette]

Fear: Using Stoicism to Shape Characters

WC: 2,730

Introduction

Like many people, I suffer from severe panic and anxiety attacks. My heart races at what feels like a thousand beats per minute, I get a cold sweat, and my thoughts do not have a filter. The latter of which, I find the most dangerous and disturbing, especially when said attacks get triggered by something so small or nothing at all.

A lot of the time, they boil down to not feeling safe. I feel like I’m vulnerable, that the worst things that happened to me will happen again tenfold, or I’ve become the worst person in existence. Fear, as a lot of us know, can have us assume the worst.

I’m still working on managing my fear, if it can be managed at all, but a lot of what I’ve been practicing is essentially Stoicism. Epictetus, a Greek Stoic philosopher, often highlighted that it is not events themselves that disturb people, but rather their judgments about those events. One famous quote attributed to Epictetus that reflects this idea is: “People are not disturbed by things, but by the view they take of them.”

This sentiment suggests that fear and other negative emotions stem not from objective reality but from our interpretations and perceptions of reality.

I thought, “What a wonderful way to get to know our characters!” Not only do we have to have a grasp on the world around them, we have to understand the extent of how they perceive said reality and how it leads to their own fears as well as their ambitions, passions, hate, love, etc.

Amor Fati

One of my favorite phrases is “amor fati.” It’s what helped me most in navigating my own fears and, as a result, writing some ways in which my characters handle theirs.

The idea of “amor fati” is closely associated with philosophers like Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius, even though they didn't use those exact words. However, it was Nietzsche who made it a key part of his philosophy. He believed that true greatness comes from embracing fate and wanting nothing to change, not in the past, present, or future. In simple terms, it means loving and accepting everything that happens, rather than just enduring it.

When considering the relationship between “amor fati” and fear, several key points emerge:

Acceptance of the Uncontrollable: Fear often arises from the unknown or from circumstances beyond our control. “Amor fati” encourages individuals to relinquish their resistance to such uncertainties and to accept that life is inherently unpredictable. By embracing fate, individuals can find solace in the realization that some things are simply beyond their power to change or influence.

Facing Adversity with Resilience: Rather than viewing challenges as threats to be avoided or overcome, individuals can approach them with a sense of equanimity and resilience. Instead of succumbing to fear or anxiety in the face of challenges, one can choose to see them as opportunities for growth and self-discovery. By embracing adversity as an integral part of life’s journey, individuals can cultivate the strength and fortitude necessary to navigate difficult times with grace and composure.

Gratitude for All Experiences: Fear often stems from a sense of insecurity or dissatisfaction with one’s circumstances. “Amor fati” cultivates gratitude for all experiences, both positive and negative, recognizing that each contributes to the richness and depth of life. By embracing fate with gratitude and appreciation, individuals can mitigate the fear of the unknown and find peace and contentment in the present moment.

This idea is what helps form a “baseline” for my way of thinking and perceiving fear, which is what many people, fictional characters included, tend to mix up.

You don’t need to adopt the same mantra, of course, but I believe that having this Ground 0 in your own personal philosophy will add further depth and characterization in writing. It provides a deeper perspective on why your characters think the same or why they may deviate.

Distinction Between Events and Perceptions

Let’s go back to what Epictetus said: “People are not disturbed by things, but by the view they take of them.” Stoicism teaches that events themselves are neutral; it is our interpretation of those events that shapes our emotional responses. This concept is often referred to as “cognitive appraisal” or “judgment” in Stoic philosophy.

In practical terms, this means that two individuals may encounter the same external circumstance, yet react to it in vastly different ways based on their subjective interpretations. For example, consider a person who loses their job unexpectedly. While one individual may perceive this event as a devastating blow to their self-worth and security, another may view it as an opportunity for growth and new possibilities. The event itself—the loss of a job—remains the same, but the emotional response varies depending on the individual's perception of the situation.

Epictetus’s insight invites us to reflect on the role of our perceptions in shaping our emotional experiences. It suggests that our judgments, beliefs, and attitudes about the events we encounter play a crucial role in determining how we feel and behave in response to those events. By recognizing this distinction between events and perceptions, individuals can gain greater agency over their emotional lives.

Moreover, understanding this distinction empowers individuals to practice what Epictetus called the “dichotomy of control”—the Stoic principle of focusing only on what is within our power to control, namely our thoughts, attitudes, and responses, rather than becoming consumed by external circumstances beyond our control. By directing our attention inward and cultivating a mindset of resilience and rationality, we can navigate life's challenges with greater equanimity and inner peace.

Applying this to character development, particularly in relation to crafting a character’s fears, can add depth and complexity to the character.

Understanding the Character’s Perception of Fearful Events:

Explore how the character interprets and perceives the events or situations that evoke fear. What underlying beliefs, past experiences, or personal values shape their perception of these events?

Consider whether the character’s fear is rooted in the objective reality of the situation or in their subjective interpretation of it. For example, is their fear based on genuine physical danger, or is it driven by irrational beliefs or past traumas?

Revealing Character Traits and Beliefs:

A character’s response to fear can provide insight into their personality, values, and beliefs. For instance, do they confront their fears head-on with courage and resilience, or do they succumb to anxiety and avoidance?

Consider how the character’s fear reflects broader themes or conflicts in the story. For example, does their fear stem from a desire for control, a fear of vulnerability, or a struggle with existential questions?

External Manifestations of Fear:

Consider how the character’s perception of fear manifests in their actions, behaviors, and interactions with others. Do they exhibit outward signs of fear, such as trembling or avoidance, or do they mask their fears behind a facade of bravado?

Pay attention to how the character’s response to fear influences their relationships with other characters. For example, do they push others away in an attempt to protect themselves, or do they seek support and connection during times of fear and uncertainty?

Symbolism and Subtext:

Use the character’s fears as a vehicle for exploring deeper themes and subtext within the story. What do their fears symbolize in terms of larger narrative themes or character arcs?

Consider how the character’s perception of fear parallels or contrasts with other characters in the story, providing opportunities for reflection and exploration of different perspectives.

“Personal Truths” Are Not Necessarily Lawful

No matter how much a character is afraid of something, there is a line to be drawn on how valid that fear is when justifying a character’s actions and self-proclaimed motives. A person can say that they are afraid of someone else and that they are acting to protect others, but does that truly evade them from the law? In other words, a Villain can be completely convinced that what they are doing is noble and right, or that it stems from their own trauma, but, at the end of the day, they’re a murderous liar.

For example, in George Orwell's allegorical novel Animal Farm, Napoleon is a Berkshire boar who emerges as one of the leaders of the animal revolution against the human farmer, Mr. Jones. Initially, Napoleon is portrayed as a strategic thinker and persuasive speaker, working alongside Snowball, another pig, to rally the other animals and establish the principles of Animalism, which advocate for equality and freedom from human oppression.

As the story progresses, Napoleon’s character undergoes a transformation fueled by his ambitions for power and control.

Napoleon’s fear of losing control over the farm drives many of his actions. He becomes increasingly paranoid about potential threats to his authority, particularly from Snowball, whom he views as a rival. This fear prompts him to manipulate and eliminate anyone who opposes him, including orchestrating the expulsion of Snowball from the farm and later falsely accusing him of being a traitor.

He also utilizes propaganda and manipulation to maintain his grip on power. He gradually assumes control over the farm’s decision-making processes, consolidating power in his own hands and using fear tactics to suppress dissent among the other animals. For example, he employs the threat of the mysterious “Jones” returning to instill fear and obedience among the animals.

Napoleon’s lust for power leads him to betray the principles of Animalism that he once espoused. He progressively becomes more authoritarian and exploitative, engaging in corrupt practices such as trading with humans and altering the Seven Commandments to justify his actions. Despite initially advocating for equality, Napoleon begins to live a life of luxury while the other animals toil and suffer.

As his regime becomes more entrenched, he resorts to violence and oppression to maintain control. He establishes a reign of terror, using his loyal enforcers, the ferocious dogs he raised since they were puppies, to suppress dissent and punish any animal perceived as disloyal. Under his rule, the farm descends into a state of fear and tyranny, with Napoleon ruling with an iron fist.

Napoleon’s character serves as a symbol of totalitarianism and the corrupting influence of power. His transformation from a revolutionary leader to a despotic dictator mirrors the rise of real-life totalitarian rulers who exploit fear and propaganda to consolidate power and suppress dissent. There is not one moment of self-reflection, of him questioning that, perhaps, his fears are unfounded or his “personal truths” are not true at all.

Playing With Reality

Now, how can you utilize fear in order to create a character with as much depth and reflection (or lack thereof) like Napoleon?

Exaggerating a character’s fear involves manipulating elements of reality within the narrative to heighten the character’s sense of paranoia, insecurity, and authoritarianism.

Distorted Perceptions: Employ literary devices such as unreliable narration or distorted perspectives to amplify the character’s fears. By presenting events through the lens of the character’s paranoia, the narrative can create a sense of heightened tension and uncertainty. For example, descriptions of seemingly innocuous occurrences may be exaggerated or imbued with sinister undertones to reflect the character’s heightened state of fear.

Symbolism and Imagery: Symbolic imagery can be used to represent the character’s fears in a heightened and exaggerated manner. For instance, recurring symbols of oppression, surveillance, or impending doom can serve as visual metaphors for the character’s anxieties and insecurities. These symbols can be woven throughout the narrative to reinforce the character’s sense of paranoia and isolation.

Surreal Elements: Introducing surreal or fantastical elements into the narrative can create a sense of disorientation and unease, effectively amplifying the character's fear. By blurring the boundaries between reality and fantasy, the author can evoke a sense of psychological instability and existential dread. Surreal imagery, dream sequences, or hallucinatory experiences can all contribute to the character’s sense of dislocation and terror.

Manipulation of Time and Space: Playing with the conventions of time and space can further exaggerate the character’s fear and disorientation. Flashbacks, flash-forwards, or nonlinear storytelling techniques can create a sense of temporal dislocation, mirroring the character’s fractured mental state. Similarly, disorienting shifts in perspective or setting can contribute to the character's sense of being trapped or pursued by unseen forces.

Atmospheric Detailing: Careful attention to atmospheric detail can help to create a sense of oppressive dread and foreboding. Descriptions of the environment—such as gloomy weather, claustrophobic settings, or unsettling ambient sounds—can evoke a palpable sense of unease, intensifying the character's fear and paranoia.

Character Interaction and Dialogue: Dialogue and interaction with other characters can be used to reinforce the character’s fears and insecurities. Conversations may be laced with veiled threats, double entendres, or gaslighting tactics, leaving the character uncertain of whom to trust. Manipulative or menacing exchanges can heighten the character's sense of isolation and vulnerability.

Did anyone else get a little uneasy imagining all of that? I’d go rather mad if I had all of that happening to me, too. Now, what about the good guys? They are afraid of things, too, right?

Of course they are, and you can utilize the above methods for your heroes, as well! There might just be a little bit of extra work involved in ensuring that they don’t spiral into the villain role.

Establish Strong Moral Compass: From the outset, establish the hero’s core values and moral compass. Make it clear what principles guide their actions and decisions. This foundation will serve as a guiding light, helping to anchor the character and prevent them from straying into villainous territory.

Empathy and Compassion: Ensure that the hero retains their empathy and compassion towards others, even in the face of fear and adversity. By prioritizing the well-being of others and demonstrating empathy towards those in need, the hero reaffirms their commitment to noble ideals and reinforces their heroic identity.

Positive Support Systems: Surround the hero with positive support systems, including allies, mentors, and friends who can offer guidance, encouragement, and moral support. These relationships serve as anchors, providing the hero with strength and stability during moments of doubt and fear.

Consequences of Actions: Highlight the consequences of the hero’s actions and choices, emphasizing the impact they have on others and the world around them. By holding the hero accountable for their decisions and their effects, the narrative reinforces the importance of ethical behavior and reinforces their heroic identity.

Redemption and Forgiveness: If the hero does succumb to fear or makes mistakes along the way, provide opportunities for redemption and forgiveness. Allow the hero to acknowledge their faults, learn from their experiences, and strive to make amends. This narrative arc reinforces the hero’s humanity and resilience, emphasizing the possibility of growth and redemption.

Thematic Resonance: Ensure that the hero’s journey is thematically consistent and resonant, emphasizing themes of hope, courage, and resilience. By grounding the narrative in these overarching themes, the hero’s actions remain aligned with their fundamental nature, reinforcing their heroic identity and preventing them from veering into villainous territory.

Conclusion

Fear is a powerful and universal human experience that can shape both individuals and characters in profound ways. Drawing upon Stoic philosophy, particularly the concepts of “amor fati” and the distinction between events and perceptions, can provide valuable insights into understanding and managing fear. By exploring how characters perceive and respond to fear, writers can create nuanced and compelling portrayals that add depth and complexity to their stories.

“Amor fati,” or love of fate, encourages individuals to embrace and accept all aspects of their lives, including the uncertainties and challenges that provoke fear. By adopting an attitude of gratitude and acceptance towards fate, characters can navigate fear with resilience and courage, transforming adversity into opportunities for growth and self-discovery.

Furthermore, understanding the distinction between events and perceptions allows writers to delve into the subjective nature of fear, exploring how characters’ interpretations and judgments shape their emotional experiences. By depicting characters’ fears as rooted in their perceptions of reality, writers can add layers of complexity to their motivations and behaviors, enhancing the depth and authenticity of their characterization.

While fear can drive characters to make choices that lead them down dark paths, it is ultimately their moral compass, empathy, and support systems that determine whether they remain heroes or succumb to villainy. By emphasizing themes of redemption, forgiveness, and growth, writers can ensure that even in the face of fear, their characters' journeys ultimately lead to strength, resilience, and self-discovery.

[tirfpikachu]

you are not "detrans" you are cis

i'm definitely what you'd call cis too! though cis/bio womanhood is not at all what most tras assume it's like. especially detrans cis/bio womanhood. and for me, the label detrans helped me find others like me. it kept me from hating my own guts. it helped me find a community of ppl who actually understand what i've been through and don't think i'm a freak.

living as trans for 13 years changed what mainstream tras would call my gender identity forever. it also is a way for me to find people who also went thru what i went thru. i get a lot of DMs from other detrans women and detrans men who lived as trans or even transitioned partially/fully like me (i was on testosterone for a bit and have an awkward bit of annoying af stubble T_T gotta get expensive laser for that... it can be isolating!). to me, i will never again be a fully cis woman. i will forever be affected with having struggled with intense dysphoria for 13+ years. i also feel like my cis womanhood in general has forever been changed with me having rejected it and then finding it again - it does NOT feel the same way as my girlhood did. in girlhood, i didn't give a shit what people thought girls or boys needed to do. doubly so because i was autistic. then puberty came, and the usual teenage girl and/or afab experience of needing to conform to cispatriarchal expectations came, and i freaked the fuck out about my boobs, about how boys were suddenly treating me and the things my shitty female relatives told me were "becoming a woman" (all very conservative notions of womanhood) and it grossed me out so badly, on top of grappling with being into other afab people, and i just totally distanced myself from girlhood at all. i gave up on making my own scrungly, gender nonconforming version of girlhood. girlhood felt like it had no room for people like me.

and so i kicked it out of my mind. i obsessed over becoming a boy. some trans boys, ofc, become happily trans men. for me, though, it personally was an escape. i was trans-identified for all the wrong reasons and it really fucked me up. it made my internalized lesbophobia so much worse, to the point where i even started identifying as pansexual/bisexual (PREPOSTEROUS thing for me since i had never ever in my entire life been attracted to a man or someone living as male in society... but i was into non-transitioned transmasc people, so i thought i couldn't possibly be lesbian!). for me, the trans identity was a bandaid, it was a crutch in the worst possible way. detrans people aren't trying to make trans people look bad. we're not trying to convert y'all, we don't give a shit. we're too busy grappling with our newfound connection to cis womanhood/cis manhood and dealing with transition-related issues.

we NEED to find fellow detrans folks or we'll go batshit crazy with shame at having made a mistake, guilt at being weaponized without our consent against the trans community, and just fucking hating how hrt/surgeries affected our bodies and trying to come to terms with that and learning to love our bodies as they are despite it all.

detrans cis womanhood will never be normie cis womanhood.

detrans cis manhood will never be normie detrans manhood.

living as trans for years affects you DEEPLY. trans people should know this first-hand. detrans folks, simply by starting to live as cis / bio men/women again, cannot suddenly erase all those years as if they never existed. we just can't. i'm sorry. i tried. dear goddess i really fucking tried harder than you'll ever know. and so did so many of my detrans friends and my darling detrans girlfriend.

but detrans people need other detrans people.

mainstream tras don't understand us.

cis/bio radfems who aren't detrans often misrepresent us.

we need eachother.

and our voices NEED to be heard too.

both radfems AND mainstream tras don't get it.

detrans & desisted folks NEED sisterhood & siblinghood.

only detrans women understand other detrans women.

only detrans men understand other detrans men.

i will always be seeking out lost detrans sisters. and i will always want to hear out my detrans brothers. i love my detrans/desisted community. we've been through really hard shit, we're more likely to be gay, more likely to be traumatized, more likely to be autistic. we're not what you think. and now you need to sit down and hear our stories. sorry. it has to happen. or feel free to block all detrans voices and plug your ears and go lalala! and now i'm not talking to you specifically anon, i don't want to put assumptions in your little mouth. but i'm talking to ALL mainstream trans activists, anti-radfems especially, who assume the very worst of us from the get-go. those who want detrans & desisted people to pretend we were always cis and normies who should pretend to not be deeply affected by our real lived detrans/desisted experiences. we will not shut up. we refuse to. both radblr and normie leftblr misrepresent us.

our voices matter. or, at the very least, we deserve to put detrans/desisted in our bios so we can find one another. shoutout to my detrans & desisted siblings!!! i love you!!!! <33

[talks-with-the-void]

I tried to tag the commenter but the blog doesn't show up, so I can't. TW: this post does contain what could be interpreted as reality checking and although I don't mean any harm, this could potentially be triggering!

But anyway, this requieres a longer answer - I'm gonna give them the benefit of the doubt and just assume they just don't know better, which is fine, we're all here to learn. So please don't read an attack into this! I also do not experience delusions myself and certaimly don't want to speak over those who do. I am doing my best to be respectful and not accidentally spread misinformation, but if I mess up, please let me know!

Firstly, "delusion" is not a bad word. a delusion isn't "somethign stupid someone believes in, what the fuck is wromg with them", it's a (symptom of) a serious mental illness, often seen in schizophrenia and psychosis. it's an unshakable belief that contradicts Reality (= in this post, Reality with a capital R refers to the reality that is generally shared by all people and can be seen and experinced by everyone - aside from those who may have delusions). "touching grass" won't do anything to help that, it is reality for them and absolutely nothing and nobody can change that. at worst, telling them they're wrong and should just "touch grass" will make them suffer even more.

so, yes, you could say that all p-shifters experince delusions, because nobody but them can see their transformations. at least, there hasn't been any proof at all until today and their beliefs absolutely clash with science and Reality. but here's the thing: there is a condition called clinical lycanthropy or clinical zoanthropy, which describes exactly the experience of believing you can, have turned or will turn into an animal. there are quite a few of them here on tumblr, having their own community which also often kinda overlaps with alterhuman spaces. those people are not p-shifters! p-shifter is not a medical term or anything, instead it is a term that has evolved here on the internet and has a history of cult-like behaviour, lots of manipulation, malicious people, etc. the "original" p-shifters also oftentimes had a lot of ableistic opinions, openly shitting on clinical zoanthropes, using delusional as an insult, etc. the term p-shifter was never ever meant to describe the experience of clinical zoanthropy. it was invented to create the feeling of belonging to an elite group, to put yourself over others. it's even questionable if the majority of p-shifters actually believes they could transform or if they just wanted power over others, promising them to teach them how to turn, knowing all to well it can't work.

nowadays, some clinical zoanthropes try to "reclaim" the term p-shifter - which is a problem, because you can't just take a term that was NEVER meant to describe your experinces and also never used as a slur against you. a different example in alterhuman context would e the word kinnie - originally made by trolls and to shit on otherkin, it always directly addressed otherkin, even if in a deregatory way. it was meant to be used for otherkin. p-shifter was never meant to be used for delusional people. p-shifter will always have its ties to manipulation and cults, it will always be a harmful term.

I don't and will never allow people who call themselves p-shifters on my blog, because of the terms roots.

there is nothing wrong with truly believing you can transforn into an animal, even tho it contrdicts Reality. there is absolutely nothing wrong with being delusional (as in, it doesn't make you a bad person, of course it almost always comes with suffering). there however IS something wrong with proudly using a term that was NEVER meant for you, never described your experiences and instead has a history of manipulation and online-cults. if you proudly call yourself p-shifter and just basically decide to ignore that history, I don't trust you.

THIS is what my post was about, not about the fact that some people are delusional.

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/748698755825582080/since-weve-been-on-the-same-topic-for-quite-some?source=share

From my experience, it's both the projection stuff + cis writers responding to what's popular in fandom, but I also think some of it is because when trans fic started getting really popular, you had a lot of trans BNFs in various fandoms who insisted that writing these characters a particular way was THE right way to do it or you're offending them personally. I think that tends to be disproportionately likely with people who prefer pre-op or non-op vs. prefer post-op or don't care, both because if you care more you're angrier about it, but also people in the first category are more likely to be newly out (and thus in that obsession with their identity stage that plagues every LGBTQ+ person when we first come out) and younger and more online. So they're more likely to fit into the demographic of "people who obsess over what fic other people are writing" or "antis" in general.

I remember in Yuri on Ice fandom circa 2017-18, there was this one newly out pre-op trans guy who projected hard on to Yuuri and therefore insisted that any fic with cis Yuuri was hurting him personally. But it went beyond that.... Yuuri also had to be a bottom, because he was a bottom, and also this guy seemed to think that having a vagina meant you were automatically a bottom if your partner had a dick? Which made the whole thing kind of funny in a way... imagine declaring yourself the spokesperson for all trans men in your fandom (which he clearly did see himself as that, he clearly saw what he was saying as the One Right Way To Do Transmasc Rep) and yet being seemingly unaware that strap-ons are like, a thing that exists in the world, lol. That pegging exists. (Or at least, it would've been funny if he wasn't an obnoxious anti who harassed people, and had this parasocial fixation on someone who wrote a lot of bottom Yuuri and age-reversal Victuuri which he decided was the absolute worst thing for some reason.)

So just from that, I do have to wonder if some of these patterns in writing trans fic are just more popular vs. they're baked into fandom because some obnoxious individuals in a variety of fandoms (because he definitely wasn't the only person and YOI wasn't the only fandom where I saw that shit, though he was the worst) at a particular time were insisting that was the one right way to do things.

I was able to resist what he was saying even though I'm cis, just because I've had enough trans guy friends IRL to know that what he was describing as the One Right Way to Write Trans Sex is suuuuuper dysphoria inducing for a lot of trans men. Like, a lot of people who write M/M trans fanfic would be floored at how many pre-op trans men find that PIV is just completely off-the-table for them. They don't want to be penetrated at all, at least in the vagina. So much trans fic treats PIV as the gold standard. Like, it's weird to think gay trans men wouldn't be into butt stuff as much as cis gay men are? Am I the only person who thinks it's kinda weird how often that's assumed?

I have no idea what the state is like for trans women in F/F - even though I read a lot of F/F, there seems to be way less trans fic for whatever reason, even the stuff written by trans women IME seems to prefer to focus on cis women or at least women who both have vaginas - but while I've known fewer of them than trans men who just really don't want to use their vaginas during sex, a fair number of trans women just really don't want to use their penises during it either. Like, people, there's a reason that "bottom surgery" exists.

--

[a-pop-of-korean]

I don't have the courage to speak to other Koreans... they keep saying Korean to me in a restaurant and idk what to do. Do you have some advice?

I know how you feel! Here's my advice as a former foreigner in Korea to you, assuming you, too, are a foreigner in Korea. While my Korean was good enough to get by, there were absolutely times when I struggled to express myself or got my words mixed up! Yet, I was still able to work with the person I was speaking to to get my point across. I know not everyone has the same experience as I did, but everyone I've spoken to has been patient and polite to me despite these difficulties; if you seem like a foreigner, they will not judge if your Korean is not perfect. I'm not sure where you're from, but as an American myself, I know that people from my culture often get impatient with people who don't speak English (which is perhaps in part where my own language anxiety comes from!), but not everyone else in the world is going to treat you that way. This is not to say you will never have an unpleasant experience talking to someone, but I think if you try your best at speaking Korean, then those around you will work with you. Remember that language and meaning-making are collaborative tasks!

As for practical tips you can use in the moment, something I did all the time was take a second and plan out in my head what I was going to say. This is especially helpful when ordering at a restaurant! Sometimes just getting that first sentence out is the hardest part, and the rest gets easier! Worst comes to worst, there's no shame in just pointing at the menu--they'll get what you mean lol.

Overall, getting comfortable means pushing yourself to use the language. I know it's not easy, but it's so worth it! It's not about being perfect or understanding every word other people say to you. It's about working together to share a message or complete a task, as well as showing respect for others. And your Korean doesn't have to be stellar for that! An attempt at speaking Korean is better than resorting to English and expecting others to understand you. I'm not sure if any of this advice speaks to you, but I hope I could offer something helpful! Thanks for the question! 화이팅!

[bthump]

Ik what your stance is on liking Griffs character and I have nothing against it because Griffith's character is arguably one of the best written characters in Berserk, he's actually my guilty favorite.

But sometimes, I catch myself SILENTLY judging ppl who like characters that do morally incorrect things like Mori from Bungou Stray Dogs who's a straight up p*do or same with Hisoka or many other characters who tend to be p*dos and r*pists.

so i guess my question sorta fall in, when do you draw the line in liking a character?

I mean, Griffith did unfortunately rape casca (a horrible writing decision, really). anyways, I guess I sorta try to seek justification like "Oh but Miura wrote the rape scene in such a ridiculous way that I can't seem to really fully have the idea that Griff is a rapist in mind"

or sometimes i just yk, love the character design and how he was written (esp post eclipse god, he is awesome!!)

but sometimes...I see ppl who are justifably upset that I like a character that happens to SADLY have a stupidly written key point where he rapes a character.

And I don't blame ppl who hate Griff for raping her, bc theres been times where I also hate charcters for how they were pedos or also SA'd someone...so why is the line so blurry when it comes to liking Griffith and how can I ig put myself in a position where I don't feel bad for liking him?

tbh I don't have a line when it comes to fictional characters.

Or maybe more accurately, my line isn't which characters people like, but how they discuss them. I wouldn't judge someone (morally, I might judge their taste lol) for liking any character ever, no matter how awful, because I don't know what they like about them, what their lines are, what they feel comfortable ignoring or reasoning away or happily playing up because they like dark shit in fiction, etc. It's all fair game as far as I'm concerned. If they like a rapist I don't assume they love real rape, I assume they like dark fiction and consider them a really well-written villain, or they like other aspects of the character and the rape doesn't ruin it for them, or they like the character design and don't care that much about fictional crimes, or maybe they have a rape kink which is also perfectly fine, etc.

But yk, when people use harmful rhetoric to discuss a character they like, that's when I start judging. Eg I'm fine with people who love Guts. I'm not fine with people who say things like "Casca should forgive Guts for the assault because he stopped himself before going too far," eg. I'd be fine if they said "Casca should forgive Guts because it would make for a more satisfying story" though - I'd judge their taste in fiction and ability to analyze the story lol, but I don't think that opinion would make them a bad person. I'm fine with people who love Farnese, I'm fine with people who prefer her to Casca, but I'm not fine with anyone who might frame it like, Farnese is better than Casca because she's rich and white and from a respectable family. (I've never seen this take lol, but yk, as a hypothetical.)

Also in my personal experience I find that people who like characters due to their own offensive biases tend to have a hard time hiding it, so it's pretty easy to judge them by their own character, rather than their fictional preferences. And in my own experience the worst kinds of people tend to like heroic characters more than villains lol. If anything I find that liking characters who do "morally incorrect things" is often a sign that I'll get along with that person.

There's also something to be said here re: watsonian vs doylist perspectives. I think people who view media from a purely watsonian perspective, ie kind of buying into the fictional story as if it's real, attempting to understand the characters the way someone would understand a real person and relate to them on those terms, are going to have a harder time dealing with morally dark characters.

I tend to view media from a doylist perspective, which means I view the characters as constructions that help tell a story, and I generally judge them on what they bring to that story and how effectively they serve it. I wouldn't want to be friends with most of my faves, and I like a lot of characters who do terrible things, because those characters are fun to watch and read about. So disliking a character just because they did a bad thing doesn't really make sense to me on a personal level. I get why other people feel that way, but I don't care about fictional harm. I'll hate a character for being mildly annoying when they're on screen, but I generally won't hate a character for committing atrocities, unless they're depicted in a way that pisses me off lol. Like, I love Femto, I hate Isidro. Femto is cool even with the obnoxious rape scene, Isidro is annoying even though he's an innocent kid.

(Also I guess to be completely fair I'd judge someone for liking a character who exists solely as like, fascist political propaganda. But I do mean solely, like I'm talking shit like The Turner Diaries, not like the MCU or cop shows lol. Or like, if someone says they love the protag of Atlas Shrugged they'd better clarify that they disagree with the political messaging and they like him for xyz reasons, because it's such an infamously libertarian story that I'm gonna side-eye anyone who likes it by default, bc I feel like in this day and age very few people are reading Ayn Rand for the story lol. So I do technically have some lines in terms of judging fans of characters, but they're pretty uncommon lines.)

tl;dr I don't think you should feel bad for liking Griffith and idt you should even feel like you have to justify it by saying the rape scene was badly written. It was, and I think it's totally fair if that helps you like Griffith more, but even if the rape scene was super well-written and respectful to Casca and thematically significant etc etc Griffith would still be a fantastically written character imo.

And I don't know the other examples you gave personally, but as a general rule I think it's better to judge people for how they behave than for what kinds of fiction they enjoy. I do at least have friends who like Hisoka, presumably because he's a fun, entertaining character give or take the creepiness, and they're awesome people.

I don't think you should have to like those characters yourself ofc, rape/pedophilia/etc etc is a pretty understandable line to draw in terms of your own enjoyment of a fictional character, but other people have different lines and I think that's reasonable too.

[tdicksupreme]

a lot of trans women are in an impossible position in ways i can relate to. You've been barred from knowing anything about womanhood re: misogyny, a lot of other trans girls don't wanna fw you bc you're new at all this & they've had to become Professionals At Being Women just to survive, & any learning you try to do about being a girl comes off as "making women do emotional labor."

if your deepest desire is to simply be female, other queer people are judging you for "assimilating" or "fitting in," if you manage to be pretty or beautiful people assume you secretly hate them, if you aren't then they treat you like you ontologically don't have a brain or matter.

& if you're seen as ugly in any way then people treat you like any accomplishment you manage is one that should have gone to them. there's a very hierarchical jealousy people have when they think they're better than you in some way (skinnier, prettier, better at being male/female, more white, & so on) but you excel at something they don't; they see their social clout as something they've worked to earn (and in some sense, they have, at least for some of them).

but it also means anything you do is something that "should have gone to them." when you're the wrong type of female, you're treated as very instrumental to people, & it's exactly because of the hierarchical nature of people's ego in this way. their self-esteem is tied up in not being like you, at least in a certain way, even if they like you as a person ("hate the sin, love the sinner" type way), & deep down they think they deserve for people to like them & don't see you that way.

the worst part is when you absorb & internalize this base assumption that your internal experience doesn't exist at all. Part of why i still run what might be considered a 'transandrophobia blog' is because in my twenties i have had my existential voice stolen from me in a very profound way, & i know it's the result of not just transphobia and sexism, but the two intersecting in a specific way, one that combined with class & disability to render me deeply socially non-human. i want to not just recover my status as person in the eyes of society, i want to understand what happened to me and why, and develop deeper compassion & practical solidarity with other types of people similarly labeled socially non-human. i worry that self-identified activists and leftists often do not have the practical skills to have a casual conversation with people, people different from them, sometimes people who view them as an oppressor figure and are wary-verging-on-angry at them, any solidarity or social change involves forging through a lot of extremely deep unknowns, & not always a lot of feelings of goodness and moral righteousness while the crowd applauds at how good your morals are.

[rahleeyah]

How do you handle it when you get comments on your stories that are hurtful/upsetting? I just started posting and I'm having a hard time handling this! I don't know how you do it 😥

Oh friend I'm sorry you're dealing with hurtful comments that's the worst 💔

If it's genuinely mean, delete it. If they're a registered user you can block them and they can't leave any more comments. If they're really trying to hurt you, the worst thing you can do is respond; don't feed the trolls. When they realize you won't rise to the bait, they'll get bored and move on.

I find i don't get a lot of intentionally hurtful comments, but I do pretty regularly get comments that I think are meant to be encouraging but come off hurtful instead, and that's harder to deal with. Like for example I get "this chapter was too short!" pretty regularly. And I think what people mean, in the context of the rest of the comment, is that they enjoyed what they got so much they didn't want it to stop, but it comes off accusatory instead. My long fic chapters are always, always, always, for the last seven years, 2000-2500 words. Always have been. That is how much I can write in an hour after work and that is how much time I have to post in a day. I've got one hour from 430-530 in which to post and I do it as often as I can, and being told it's not enough starts to weigh on me. Especially bc it's the same amount it's always been! It's tempting when something like that comes up to point out how hurtful it is. Most of the time I don't; if I keep getting it from the same person over and over, though, sometimes I snap and say something about it. I always regret it; the person (usually) didn't mean any harm, and after I point out that it's hurtful, usually either they end up hurt, or I do, and it doesn't do any good.

We've talked about this before; I don't respond to every comment because I get overwhelmed and anxious and overthink it. I am grateful for each and every one, and I desperately need those comments in order to find the motivation to keep going, but I get too scared to respond. Sometimes I think if people see too much of me they won't like the work any more. So I don't put the me into the work. I let it speak for itself.

Hold on I've gotten off track the point is

Don't assume malice on the part of the commenter. It's very human, especially in this day and age, to be defensive, to be on the look out for people trying to attack us, but they often aren't. If there's any chance the comment was meant in good faith, take it as such, and leave it alone. If you're unsure about it you don't have to respond; you can let it lie, and time will pass and you'll forget about it. 99% of the time, this is how I handle comments that I find hurtful but are not overtly mean. Sometimes I slip up (this is especially likely if it's first thing in the morning, 6 am Leah is a terror) and I can say, from experience, you'll be happier if you let it go.

A thing my dad always says: be the duck. Let it roll off you like water off a duck's back, and keep moving. Don't let it weigh you down 💜

[a-b-riddle]

Hey, i hope you've had a good day so far/will have a good day. And i hope you get better soon <3

Im sorry if this is considered trauma dumping and if u wanna ignore this, totally understandable ! Im just very very lost and idk what to do so i thought it wouldn't hurt to ask for advice ?

Im about to be 25 y/o in july and ive only had one relationship (circa 2019) that lasted a year and then fizzled out (i found out later that it was bcz i was getting cheated on) and I haven't met anyone or connected with anyone ever since. I moved into a new city too after finishing university and i have no friends or social circle in this new town (i still keep in contact with my friends from my old city but it kinda feels like every relationship i have is slowly dying) and i feel like I'm stuck in this limbo place where no matter how much i try i always feel like life is passing by infront of my eyes and i haven't lived it yet (idk if that makes sense) so i was wondering if you have any advice how get out this mindset ?

Thank you for at least reading this if u did, im sorry if i triggered you or if i burdened you with my feelings, and i wish you all the best ❤️

I met my now fiance a little under four weeks before I turned 25. Before him, I had gotten my heart broken and I was just done with hooking up with someone and expecting more, but that meant not being in the same phase as my friends who still wanted that.

When we started dating I had to come to face the hard reality that not all of my friendships were healthy and not everyone I was friends with were people I should have in my life for more than a season. So I had to sit and take a hard look at my life. Keep these college friends I've had for almost four years... Or start from scratch?

So starting from scratch, I started with one person. My fiance. I liked him. I respected his morals and his ethic. I loved how kind he was to others and always the one to lend a hand. So with him, I made friends with his friends and their girlfriends. Because my fiance was a good person, he often kept the same company.

So with him I found people that I could see having in our lives for more than just a season. Through loss and triumphs. To celebrate and to grieve with.

Now I'm using my fiance just as an example, but you don't need a romantic partner to do this. You can start with one person. And even if it doesn't go beyond that, you still have a person. You still made one new connection with another soul that you wouldn't have done before.

My dad found his own community with his coworkers. My mom found hers with those who have lost a child. My sister found hers in cosplay. My other sister found hers with those who had the same area of study. I found friends through a facebook group that loved the ACOTAR series that lived in my major city. I found one of my closest friends on bumble bff.

Unfortunately, relationships are the hardest things in life we will ever have to work for because it's not just about creating them, but maintaining them, and enriching them with personal experiences to help them grow. We just assume since they had come so easily when we were in tight knit circles like high school and college they come easily.

But as adults, we have to find new ways to engage and that is a scary thing to do when it's not something we've done before. So the first step to stop existing and start living is to connect.

Volunteer. Join clubs. Reach out. Engage. As someone who has a constant fear of being rejected, it is terrifying. But the worst thing anyone can ever say to you is no. The world won't stop. You'll survive it. Buy from it, you move on.

Another recommendation I have is to listen to The Last Lecture.

It is an hour long, but the ending always gets me. Basically lecturers at Carnegie Mellon would give "last lectures." It was the last lecture they would give working in academics at the university. When asked what his Last Lecture would be about Professor Randy Pausch basically said, "funny you should ask. I have pancreatic cancer and have about six months left so this really is my last lecture."

[rxttenfish]

Now that you've answered the difficult one here's an interesting one: What about Miranda and Polly?

Shipping meme.

EXCELLENT, SOMETHING I CAN PROVIDE OPINIONS ON

this is! certainly a ship that i like a lot, but my relationship to it is a lot more fraught than some of my other miranda ships, for sure. it's one that i go back and forth on again and again, way less sure on how stable they'd be or how much this would work out in the long term.

in terms of positives - miranda and polly already get along very well! i always view the ROs as exceptionally close friends, and i think the friendship between miri and polly is much the same. polly chases experiences and good times, explores and pokes her fingers into anything she can reach just to say that she's done it, and miranda's a person who's also fundamentally curious, desperate to see and experience so many things that she's never been able to before and which come from an entirely different world to her, and so polly bringing miranda along feels natural. miranda's definitely more hesitant and less overt about experiencing things, often needing convincing or reassuring, but she wants her friends' approval and polly likes helping other people step outside of their comfort zones, especially when they just need a little encouragement.

polly loves leading other people to fun new experiences as much as she enjoys experiencing them herself, and she gets the feeling of being cool, mature, more experienced in a way with miri that fits very well with how polly is also an older sister, someone who just as much wants to be the cool older sibling that everyone can brag about. miranda, getting that positive reinforcement from polly and feeling like she's with someone she can safely experiment around and with, likewise makes her more confident in exploring new things and having new experiences, less hesitant and defensive when something new is presented to her.

the issue is that polly isn't always a good influence. polly has issues taking things seriously and this can mean she overlooks how uncomfortable miranda could be at any given moment and how much of her protests might be sincere, especially if something presents a unique danger to miranda that polly's less familiar with. polly's less confrontational, so she's less likely to call miranda out on something, at most providing smaller comments or leaving, neither or which would help miranda's reactiveness. i don't think anything polly has going on would prepare her to deal with the merkingdom and the crown, which would serve as a total blindside for her and, at worst, make her lash out at miranda in a lack of understanding for why miranda can't just not listen to the merkingdom. miranda's a character who very much needs commitment in the long term, and dedicated commitment at that, which is something that polly would have issues with and would want to shirk away from that much responsibility.

miranda, in comparison, would want to put polly up on a pedestal and imagine her as the coolest, the most fun, the best at navigating the land with all of its confusing social norms and culture and environment, and this means she would wholly miss whatever faults polly would have and be far too forgiving when it comes to polly's mistakes. at worst, miranda could very much end up believing that she deserves any hurt that polly accidentally causes, and this is an issue that doesn't have a good solution, since polly would want to avoid that confrontation and miranda would not even mention it at all, just assuming guilt and acting accordingly. neither of these characters are very good at talking about their feelings, and there's not really a catalyst to make them talk about their feelings to each other and to force them to open up.

ultimately, i see it as a fling, closer to something like friends with benefits. i often say that i see a lot of the ROs just passively dating each other at different times without making a big deal out of it, and this is one of those times. i could easily see them hooking up from time to time solely to enjoy themselves with each other, and then breaking it off with no hard feelings and going back to normal. not something long term, not something serious, just a good time dating friends.