#but many of us enjoy it and also like being able to shape shift

[cinemaocd]

I'm very interested in your thoughts on foundations and products for gen x skin. How I miss the days of college when I would just tamp on a thick layer of Studio Fix powder (wrong shade, always), use a lip liner (Twig, always) instead of lipstick and then hit the town living my best life looking like a dry crusty ghoul. Being young really mitigated a lot of make up mistakes. Wait I got off track there...

Oh wow, I'm so flattered you sent this ask. I'm so sorry because...

Get ready...here it comes...

Insanely Detailed Make up Skin Care for Gen X skin Info Dump

So this is for typical post menopausal skin, which is my situation, and pretty much blemish free (I do get the occasional blemish when I do something silly like use lip balm or lipstick as a blush because they have the same effect as a cream blush, but often have pore-clogging ingredients), running normal to dry with a light medium complexion.

I'm a huge believer in skin prep before makeup. If you don't have your skin right, your makeup is always gonna look like makeup and it's probably going to age you rather than make you look younger. For over 50 skin it's all about moisture. All those bougie make up branded prep products are really just adding moisture. Get yourself a tube of Vanicream at the drugstore and slap a bunch on before you do your makeup. It works just as good as Charlotte Tilbury Magic Cream or the ilk at a fraction of the cost.

Skin care routine:

Micellar water: Removes makeup with gentle/sensitive formula (walgreens has a good knock off of the bougie French one in the pink bottle). I use it on my eyes in the mornings because over night oil and dirt build up in that area and it effects makeup performance. It does not irritate my eyes which are very sensitive.

Second cleanse: I Wash with vanicream bar soap in the evenings. Costs $5 and was recommended by my derm. A bar lasts months and I use it as a regular soap in the bath as well. It's just very gentle and moisturizing. I have stopped needing body lotion in the winter since using it. In the mornings I don't second cleanse because I don't need it. I just splash my face with warm water and head right into the next step.

Paula's Choice perfecting gel (a little easier to use than the liquid and better packaging but pricier). Amazing all around face acid, gentle enough to use twice a day even on my delicate little face. Improves almost every skin issue while adding moisture. The GOAT tbh. There is nothing at the drugstore to compare to it, sadly.

Cereve AM moisturizer with SPF. Another drugstore product. Under $15 and Walgreens has a knockoff that's just as good that's even cheaper. My whole family uses this stuff. It works for everyone really. If you want to have good looking skin into old age stay out of the sun and use sunscreen every day, even when it's cloudy, etc.

Vanicream moisturizer (Tube is under $20 and is huge by skincare standards. I buy maybe two a year and just slather it on in the winter). It has a light consistency that soaks in fast and makes layering it over itself easy. This was the moisturizer rec'd by my derm and honestly it's just so great.

Twice a week I end my night routine with the Paula's choice retinol/moisture barrier repair cream. I don't use it daily because it dries out my skin too much. Retinol helps with a host of skin issues, especially if you have acne scars. This formulation is great because it's very occlusive and makes a great last step before bed. You need to be careful not to wear it in the day though because it can make you sunburn. (Also it won't play well with makeup).

Lips: I love the Paula's choice lip balm with spf. My lips get so destroyed in MN winter between wind and UV. It has a slight tint to it that makes it a bit lighter than my lip color which has a plumping effect. (In general paler colors in the middle of the lip will make your lips look fuller). I also use Boodah lip treatment because it's plastic free and it works really well. You can get an unscented one, but it still smells like coconut oil which I like. (Scents in lip balms actually dry out your lips because they cause inflammation. Many lip balms have ingredients that actually GIVE you chapped lips...Burt's Bees I'm looking at you). Also I totally simp for Cereve healing balm. It comes in a small purse sized tube and it's just great for any irritated, cracked angry skin. It even works on diaper rash. Great stuff.

Foundations:

Most of the time liquid foundations are not recommended for older skin because they tend to be drying because the alcohols they use to let the foundation dry down quickly can be drying. For years I formulated my own bb cream by mixing a liquid foundation like MAC Studio fix with MAC Strobe cream. I've tried loads of BB creams but I feel like they never last on me, unless I powder my whole face, which defeats the purpose, my skin just gobbles them up.

I've tried ultralight foundations like MAC face and body, glossier skin tint but because those products are made to be applied and dry instantly they also have loads of alcohols. They are also just better marketed versions of pro air brush foundations, so if you like this category of products, check out air brush foundations. They are usually way cheaper ounce for ounce...

Kosas Revealer: This is ounce for ounce my most expensive foundation but I had a bottle that lasted me a year. It's the closest in texture to the effect I got from mixing studio fix with strobe cream but it comes in a single package with a pump. Applies best with a damp sponge, but I will use a dense brush when I'm in a hurry (The Real Techniques face perfecting brush is a fantastic drugstore foundation brush). Less is more with this as with all foundation. Do thin layers and build up spots where you need more coverage. (Or add in a color corrector or concealer).

Wayne Goss Cream Foundation: I bought this when it launched and I still have so so much left. I apply dots of it with my fingers and spread it with a brush in a stippling motion. It's a fantastic base for a cream blush. It wears like iron when correctly powdered. This is very similar in formulation to RCMA cream foundation which is what Beyonce uses on stage so you know it's bullet proof. It's just mineral oil base with massive amounts of pigment suspended. (This is really the basis of all pro cream foundations going back to the literal grease paint of victorian times) It should never go off. I think I will bequeath my jar of this foundation to my grandchildren should I ever have any. Also doubles as a concealer. (I wish Wayne would put out smaller/cheaper containers of this stuff. Then I could buy a lighter shade for concealing...). The pigment load in these foundations is so high, I actually don't think they are necessary for every day use. It's more coverage than I really need most of the time. I'm not on TV. Camera Ready Cosmetics sells samples of all their cream foundations, so if you want to dip your toe into this world of products without investing I would go there and try the RCMA or the William Tuttle...

Concealers:

I struggled with every concealer I liked being discontinued for a while. I was paying top $ for Lancome Touche Eclat because all of the drugstore knockoffs I adored disappeared. Liquid concealers should be really thin and have moisturizing ingredients. I think it's standard to say avoid them over 50, but products like the Kosas liquid concealer are very good and don't get that dry, cracked look that shape tape and the ilk does on older skin. I've used the Elf camo concealer and I went through many tubes of Maybelline age rewind over the years, but I'm just over them. There may be some newer drugstore alternatives, but I've been living in Bill Tuttle's blissful world of Hi-lite (see below) now long enough that I've stopped paying attention to new products in this category. I don't even use concealer any more...

Color Correctors:

William Tuttle hi-lite: OMG if you have light medium skin this stuff is utter magic. It masks redness and darkness, blending in with the undertone in my skin without flattening me out or making my face too red. I just can't explain it but it even masks my hyperpigmentation spots that absolutely no foundation will cover and many concealers fail with as well. There used to be a maybelline age rewind product that worked but it disappeared and now they only have the one for under eyes. Hi-lite's original purpose was to cover marionette lines for studio lighting which often makes those lines way worse. And it works great for that too, but it's just so amazing as a corrector/concealer for me.If you have a deeper skin tone with more darkness around your eyes, it may not work, but it worth a try. Tuttle has other similar products in different tints that I haven't tried. The jar is under $15 (Jones Road who?) and I have had it over 6 months and it's not even half gone. (Miracle balm is almost $40 a jar and it smells weird after a few months.) Hi-lite'stexture is perfection. You can do light thin layers and spread it out. It just melts in and disappears. Applies beautifully with a finger but a concealer brush is useful because it fits in the jar better. The brand also has a foundation that is $15 a jar as well. Sold at Camera Ready Cosmetics and some pro/specialty stores. William Tuttle is honestly the find of the last five years for me. If you take nothing else away from this post, check out William Tuttle. I lowkey think Bobbi Brown was using this shit as a makeup artist and one day realized it worked great as an overall concealer/color corrector on older skin and decided to make her own version and market it as miracle balm...

Powder:

Despite what Bobbi Brown says in the Miracle Balm ad, powder is a necessary step and actually your friend if you know how to use it. The main thing is to be strategic with placement and actually learn powdering technique that make up pros use and not what you see on on most of youtube.

Controversial take: I bake my under eyes and you should too. Here's why...

Cream products, which are mostly what we're using here, plus moisturizers/sunscreens are going to move around and settle in lines and actually exaggerate them. In the summer they may look shiny when you sweat which isn't great either. Powder will keep it in place and give you that soft focus/glass skin effect. Powder is also blurring. So it's keeping your concealer from settling in under eye wrinkles, acting like the Photoshop healing brush for you face. Another bonus for baking is that if you leave it on while you do your eyeshadow/liner it will keep fallout from sticking. You'll be able to just brush it away. Baking also lightens the color of the skin in the place where it's done. It started in drag as a technique to make highlights pop from the stage. It is so great in the undereye for this reason. No need to get a brightening concealer with bake...

My technique is I apply an eyeshadow base (really like the NYX ultimate shadow/liner primer) from my under eye to brow. Don't skip the undereye! The reason you need a primer is to create a barrier between your eye skin and the powder. (Eye liners and the heavy pigments in dark eyeshadows will absolutely fuck up the skin around your eyes.) Then I color correct with a thin layer of the Hi-lite, then I powder. I use a powder puff or powder sponge (Real techniques makes an awesome powder sponge) and press in the first thin layer. Then I pile it on with a fluffy eyeshadow brush and leave it. I do my eye makeup and brush it away with the fluffy eye brush or a small powder brush. That's it. If you moisturize and prime adequately it is not going to dry out the skin on your eyes. It's all in the prep.

Don't waste money on fancy powders. I bought a massive bottle of RCMA transluscent powder more than 10 years ago and I still have it. I use it every day. I recently bought the William Tuttle powder just because it was cheap and the container was cute. It has a slight pink cast to it, which is really great for the under eye. Coty airspun which is a drugstore classic is great as well. Maybelline fit me is a fantastic "finishing powder" which means it has a little tint and some micas for glow. I use a finishing powder sometimes instead of basic transluscent powder if I want a little more coverage. If you have a lot of acne scarring a finishing powder will be your friend. Wayne Goss and Mel Thompson (RIP) both have amazing tutorials for buffing/finishing techniques. The Wayne Goss Air brush is a god tier brush for this but the RT perfecting brush works great too and is cheap enough that you can have one for creams and one for powders).

Highlight: MAC Strobe cream, strobe cream, strobe cream. Did I mention strobe cream? How I love thee, bougie upscale scented product. Blurring perfection, added moisture, a beautiful soft focus glow that doesn't look like make-up. Mix it with a liquid and foundation and make a bb cream. Throw it on as a last step for a "no makeup" (lol as if) day. You can use it any step in your routine almost and not fuck things up. It's just so great. I use it daily and a bottle will last years. They will pry my strobe cream from my cold dead, gently sparkling hands.

Honorable mention for the Wayne Goss powder highlight which is such a beautiful soft touch glow that doesn't emphasize texture. Absolutely does not look frosty or powdery. Only downside is you have to also buy a powder blush with it, which is a beautiful product, but it adds to the over size and cost of the product. Fantastic highlight for eye shadow as well though...

Contour/blush: I am a big, big fan of cream products for older skin and there such great cream blushes and contours now. One of the best I've discovered is Phytosurgence Skin Spark in Condensate which is a deep burgundy red that works as a contour and blush. It looks like it would be too dark but when it blends out it just works with the underlying redness in my skin to look so incredibly natural. Sometimes I put it on and blend it out and can't tell where my natural flush ends and the phytosurgence begins. Sigma also makes awesome cream blushes, though pricey, they are huge and last forever. I've had a sigma cream blush for over ten years and it's still going strong. The coral shade looks great on everyone. Especially if you are sick or exhausted a coral blush will make you look healthy and awake. If I were gonna do Joe Biden's makeup, I'd use my Bill Tuttle Hi-Lite and sigma coral blush. He might get re-elected.

Eye Shadow:

Controversial Opinion: I wear sparkly/glittery/mettalic eye shadow over 50 and you should too. Here's why...

Life is short. Have fun while you can.

Charlotte Tilbury, Wayne Goss and Lisa Eldridge have spent a lot of time trying to sell you eyeshadow specifically formulated for older skin and they are amazing. They are also really fucking expensive. Eye shadow is some of the cheapest make-up to produce and the mark up is just coo coo bananas. The difference between $20 a pan eye shadow and $1 a pan eye shadow is the fillers, packaging and marketing. That's it. The main thing to look out for is the way the makeup is pressed and what the kind of sparkles it has in it. You want something that is pressed so that you don't pick up huge amounts of pigment sparkles at a time and get massive fallout which just fucks up the area you've worked so hard to perfect. (Don't get me started on what social media did to eyeshadow formulations to cater to influencers swatching on their arms...). You usually want more pearlescent micas which looks softer, but mettalic eyeshadows give me life and I won't give them up. Some less expensive brands that have good beginner friendly/age friendly formulas are The Balm, Colorpop and Karity. These closely mimic the drugstore formulations of the 80s/early 90s which were pretty low on pigment/micas. (Most drugstore formulations now like Elf or Wet and Wild are too pigmented and fillers are just not great quality so the performance varies).

Another reason for wearing eyeshadow is that it makes you look more trendy and youthful, I think. If you get your undereye sorted, you can make your lids look as textured as dragon scales up close and no one will notice or care in real life. I am huge fan of Pat McGrath and I have three 6 pan palettes and I don't think I'll ever need another PM shadow in my life because they last forever. Not a super beginner friendly formula as it is very pigmented. A little goes a long way with Mother Pat but if you are that person that can't go into Ulta or Sephora without slaying and getting compliments from the staff than Pat McGrath is your friend. You'll never get it too look as amazing as it does on instagram though because that's all in the lighting and using a super good camera lens.

Brushes: Look if you want to do eyeshadow you need brushes. I could do an equally huge info dump just on eye shadow brushes but the most basic kit is three brushes: a bog standard liner brush from anywhere in the world, they sometimes come free with eyeshadow you can even use a water color paint brush which is cheaper but will have a weirdly long handle; a flat paddle fluffy blender like the classic Sigma E27 and a dense round pencil brush like the Sigma E42 blender. Those are synthetic brushes, I prefer natural hair but that's a whole area and those get pricey fast. Sigma brushes are pro quality and they absolutely stand by their shit. I've seen them accept returns at their store without a receipt.

Technique: The best way in my opinion is to start with your darkest color and work to the lighter colors, not the other way around. You don't need transition shades. Most of us have hooded eyes by now and there's no transition zone anyway. That is what transluscent powder and highlighter shades are for! Use your liner brush to apply the darkest shade to your lash line. On the upper lash line extend it past your eyeball upward toward your brow. This will counteract the look of sagging skin at the corner of your eye. On the lower lash line go about a third of the way from the outer corner toward the inner corner and stop. Completely encircling your eyes in dark shades will make them look smaller. Use the pencil brush to blend outward, away from the lashline. You want it diffuse and smokey. Go in with whatever the main shade will be for your lid and you can either apply this with the paddle brush or use your finger for metallic shades. Press lightly and then drag very gently to activate those micas. You will get way better shimmer results with your finger than any brush, I promise. I use my pinky to apply my inner corner highlight. I usually do my brow highlight with a paddle brush. Now flip that paddle brush on it's side so the wide part makes contact with the crease of your eye and blend out the edges. If you've got a good powder/primed base it should blend really easily. That's it. It's like three little steps and I can do a basic eye look in under ten minutes. You've probably heard a lot about "hooded eyes" and needing special brushes, techniques etc., but where you fix hooded eyes is with eyeliner...

Eyeliner:

Controversial Opinion: I wear heavy black eyeliner every day over fifty and you should too. Here's why...

Eyeliner is not only bad ass, it is the biggest bang for your buck in the makeup world. Nothing else is so impactful for the time and money involved. It is also an invaluable tool for reshaping your eyes if you want to look younger...

My favorite eyeliners are pencils that can be sharpened. I have one gel eyeliner I love but pencils are my bread and butter. I have so many and I just keep buying more. They last forever. My oldest piece of makeup is from the last century and it's an eyeliner pencil. Favorite formulations of pencil are: Lancome Creamy water proof, Urban Decay 24/7 and melt. At the drugstore: wet and wild, rimmel kohl, Revlon photo ready kohl and NYX epic wear.

I use Rituel De Fille Black orb gel liner, which I've had for over three years and it hasn't dried up. The key with this is very thin layers because it will get crusty and flake off if you use too much product. It lasts all day, makes a terrific black base and smokes out like butter. Also comes in a spherical jar which is so flipping charming. Love this shit. (Actually really wanna try the new trixie mattel gel liners because they look good and lets face it trixie's entire drag is gel liner based...).

Technique: key technique for older folks is tightlining. I usually tightline my upper water line and the outer third of my lower water line. This emphasizes the eye without getting into issues with sagging skin and makes the lash line fuller which is an area that thins out when you age. The effect is kind of subtle, but the way makeup works is layers and layers of subtle changes. :) Pencils work best, but you can do gel with a good brush. The Wayne Goss #8 has no equal for tightlining. I then tightline the lash line all the way on upper lid and use a pencil brush to smoke it out at the edges. Always blend upward in a straight line toward the tip of your brow. (Beginner tutorials have you hold a tissue there or whatever. I don't think it's necessary, just practice.) If you have very hooded eyes, you may not have any real lid space in which case just skip eyeshadow and tightline. It's all anyone can see when your eyes are open.

Lips:

We are almost done I swear. :D

Not that much difference for ageing but life is too short to buy super cheap lipstick. Any decent drugstore lipstick will run you $10 these days and it's worth it. Bougie designer lipstick is the same shit, in nicer packaging and trendier colors. My favorite formulas are basically all of them but I have a fondness for covergirl, the maybelline matte trance (in the skinnier tube) and revlon anything. A little light colored gloss in the middle of the lip even with no lipstick just takes years off your face, I don't know why. I love the fenty gloss bomb and any of Trixies. Lifter gloss at the drugstore is supposed to be great but I haven't tried it. I'm still finishing that gloss bomb I got when it launched, lol. In general a lighter shade in the middle will make lips look fuller. Lining used to be critical when you get little fine lines around your lips, to prevent lipstick from bleeding but these days lipstick formulas really don't bleed much, I think. A dark "nude" lipliner will make your lips look bigger, but keep it to the outer corners.A MAC lip pencil will probably last you the rest of your life if you don't lose it.

Finishing Spray: Everything I said about liquid foundations using alcohol goes double for finishing spray. It's just different kinds of alcohol with other stuff like micas for shimmer, scent, glycerin and water. No other ingredients are really proven for finishing sprays because there's so much water it's like a homeopathic concentration. I make my own by combing a few tablespoons of whatever finishing spray is cheapest at the drugstore, distilled water and a few drops of glycerin. It helps with that powdered tight feeling and I think it does help it last a bit more. The hardest part about making your own finishing spray is finding a spray bottle you like.

And we are done.

Whew.

That was a lot but it was fun to impart.

[robin-evry]

IF YUU IS A KITSUNE 🦊🦊

A kitsune is a mythical creature from Japanese folklore, often depicted as a fox with magical abilities. Kitsune are known for their shape-shifting powers, commonly transforming into humans, They are intelligent, cunning, and can live for hundreds or even thousands of years, with their powers and wisdom increasing as they age.

( English is not my first language)

In my head, I imagine Kitsune!yuu would be sorted between savanaclaw or pomifiore as their dorm. It depends on you guys to be honest. During the ceremony the area is filled with mist when they step out of the coffin. Or when grim opens the coffin he immediately jumps back because, kitsune!yuu would have already been awake and stared at grim with a grin

Kitsune!yuu would be a hundred years old, maybe 500 years or older. fried tofu with a bowl of udon would be their favorite food. They could come from a clan of kitsune or they grew up all alone in the forest. Since most kitsune are able to shape shift, kitsune!yuu are able to change their appearance to their liking or which form they will find comfortable.

During when grim was about to be kicked out of the school grounds, kitsune!yuu would vouch for him asking headmaster Crowley if they can keep him ( by hypnotizing him ) using their amazing negotiation skills the head master agrees

I imagine kitsune!yuu would disguise themselves as a normal beast man, to hide their true identity, only people who have a strong tuition to tell something is unusual with yuu and their true identity being a normal beast man.

Kitsune!yuu tend to play harmless pranks around the school, even tho many students have been of the victims of these harmless, kitsune!yuu will always manage to find a way to get away with these pranks.

Their ability to use illusionary magic is just one of their magical abilities, For example they are able to create clones of themselves to attend classes while they chill and sleep in the garden. This part will immediately make Leona be suspicious of them because how can they be sleeping in the garden when ruggie said that he saw them walking between periods in the hallway with the Adeuce and grim at the same time. Something is definitely not right with them.

They even know when rook is stalking them, they even look at his direction and wave at him with a grin. Caught him off guard. It seems like they are able to sense or smell his location even if it's a mile away.

What's more weird, when kitsune!yuu is in a reflective surface example when they were ordering a drink at monstro lounge, Their reflection on the aquarium was different, instead of one tail, they had multiple tails by jade who manage to take a glimpse of the reflection and when he looks at yuu, they were smiling and waving at him, and then they leave with their drink in hand.

Kitsune!yuu is also recognized to be very beautiful to the point it can suppress and rival vil beauty, they also tend to release a pheromone or a scent that can make people relax ( making them to be more easier to hypnotize ).

And during the night, they sometimes can be seen with malleus, having a nice stroll together enjoying the night sky and talking about gargoyles.

Grim originally was afraid of kitsune!yuu believed they would eat him one day, but both he started to warm up upon them.

During the Octavinelle chapter, every time Azul makes a contract with them it will always end the same, they will always manage to outsmart him. He even asks the twins to follow them, but every time they will always discover the twins without much effort.

[softnwonderful2]

NSFW Alphabet: Joel Miller - The Last of Us

Pairing: Joel Miller x Gn!Reader Word Count: 2.9k Rating: Explicit Warning: Straight up filth. Sexual Content obviously, Canon-Typical violence, mention of Cum Marking, Creampie, Somnophilia I guess (idk how to discribe it but it's non-con, skip letter D = Dirty Secret if you don't want to read that), Daddy kink, Inocence Kink, Orgasm Control, Voyeurism, mention of Face Fucking, Cockwarming (oral), Dirty Talking, Exhibitionism fantasy. As always, let me know if I'm missing something.

Author's Note: This applies for both Pixel Joel and HBO Joel, but definitely pre-Jackson because i think a few things would change as he gets older. Some of the letters are too long, some too short, it's 3am and I'm tired; enjoy.

SEXUAL CONTENT UNDER THE CUT. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN CONSUMPTION.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex) 

He’s big on physical contact, so he goes for some cuddling if the context allows it. He loves to have you use his chest as a pillow and your body curled against his side. He even enjoys the sticky feeling of the thin layer of sweat over your skin, mixed with any remaining bodily fluids. He will put some effort on looking for a damp cloth to clean both of you up if you prefer, but if it’s up to him he won’t move a muscle.  

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) 

He’s a pretty simple man, so of course his favorite part of his body has to be his dick. But I don’t blame him, he has reason to be proud. He’s never bragged about it, but he was definitely pleased with the amazed look in your eyes the first time you saw it and took it in your hands. If his dick weren’t an option, he would say his hands; they do a lot for him, from playing guitar to pulling a trigger.  

When it comes to you, he adores your hips. It’s not so much about shape or size, but rather functionality. Being able to grab you intensely and manhandle you to whatever position he pleases, controlling the pace and strength of every thrust with his hands digging in your sides, it makes him feral.  

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) 

He cums an impressive amount, not enough to be concerning or anything, but it is quite a lot.  He’s also a nasty old man about it, he won’t make you swallow it if you don’t want to, but he will make it his mission to use it to mark as many parts of your body has you allow him. His favorite thing to do with it is fill you up to the brim, so when he pulls out, he can collect any drop that flows out of you and shove it back in with his fingers.  

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) 

He never told you this and maybe never will but, when his attraction for you was on its early stages and he was still unsure whether he should approach you in a more insinuating way or not, he had trouble keeping his impulses at bay.  

This one time, you had been walking for hour towards your next destination, when the sun started to set and decided to camp on a little corner in the wood that seemed relatively safe. It was a humid night of summer, so you didn’t need to start a fire and barely made use of your sleeping bags, simply laying on top of them to avoid touching the soil beneath you. Joel took the first shift of surveillance while you slept by his side, but he couldn’t stop himself from staring; the way your clothes hugged your body and the expression in your face looked relaxed like never before, it made him feel important to know you trusted him enough to let your guard down completely like that.  

Soon enough, he found himself getting lost in the slow movements of your shallow breaths and the soft noises you made in your sleep, and by the time he realized he already had his hand down his pants, massaging his growing erection. He jerked of to the sight of your slumber body that night, with his cock in hand so close to your face he almost painted your lips with his cum.  

E = Experience (how experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?) 

He had his fair amount of adventures when he was young, and most of his experience comes from that. After he settled down and later on became a father, he didn’t have enough time or energy to keep on “improving” his abilities. So even after years had passed since the initial outbreak happened, he kept the number of hookups as reduced and shallow as possible, using them only as a distraction to cope with the circumstances he’s up to live in.  

The point is: he is pretty experienced and know what he’s doing, but he might be a little rusty at first; he’ll compensate with enthusiasm and some really good dirty talk.  

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) 

Missionary and the Flatiron are his go to, he gets off on the idea of being on top of you, pinning you down with his weight while covering you from view. He loves to feel big and strong. Of course, he’s open to try any other position you’re curious about, he’s not picky.  

He’ll let you get on top in very few occasions, only when he feels comfortable enough to let his guard down and have you completely exposed riding him. 

And for the days he feels particularly feral, he likes the Mating Press, to keep your ankles by your ears while he takes you like an animal. 

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous? Etc.) 

He usually reflects the common emotions someone would feel during an apocalypse, that means sex with Joel ends up being very serious and intense, always tinted with the underlying fear of losing you or the uncontrollable anger towards anyone who makes his job of keeping you safe harder.  

But in the rare cases you can allow yourself to overlook to the societal collapse all around you, he can get a little giggly and teasing. 

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? Etc.)  

Before the outbreak he used to be pretty well groomed, always keeping things tidy. But obviously that's not an easy habit to maintain when you have more important thing to worry about, like surviving the day. Let's just say que trims his pubes very occasionally.  

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? The romantic aspect) 

Aside from the times he fucks you like a beast, he’s actually super gentle. When you have the time, he likes to patiently caress you all over and enjoy every little touch, he doesn’t go straight to fucking. And even when he gets there, he’s really passionate about it, like every time you do it might be the last (because it could be) and the end of the world is near (you are literally living through it). 

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon) 

Almost never did it before he met you, only few times when bored and needed to pass the time. In moments like those, he would stroke himself really slow and even edge himself a couple of times to make it last as long as possible; he liked to squeeze every last drop of pleasure out of it.  

After you entered his life though, it felt like a curse; he didn't remember struggling so much with his urges since he was a teenager. When you spent time together, he would have to tear his eyes away from your body after promising himself that he wouldn’t stare. And even when he managed to get some alone time, your image invaded his thoughts, and he just had to relieve some tension. 

When you finally got together, he had the urge to do it but didn’t see the point; he had you now, so he didn’t need to.   

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) 

He’s not a very eccentric man, so he goes for simple concepts. Don’t get me wrong, he can be kinky, just don’t expect him to be into anything too unusual like idk clowns. 

Joel prefers to be in charge, you know, what he says goes (he is willing to surrender control, but you only get a glimpse of that once you get to Jackson, and he allows himself to relax). So, naturally any type of power dynamic that includes you calling him names like Sir or Daddy drive him crazy. He also enjoys knowing he’s more experienced than you when it comes to sex. Maybe he’s your first, or you are younger and didn’t get much of a chance to experiment before the outbreak happened; whatever the reason may be, it pleases him in a dark and selfish way. Expect him to whether edge you repeatedly or make you cum over and over again, he likes controlling your orgasms as well.  

On the times you end up having sex to release stress after a particularly difficult day (by this I mean: days where he thought he would lose you to the hands of infected, or had to torture some guy that wanted to hurt you), he goes quite primal without even realizing. The sounds that come out of his mouth are no other than growls, and he eagerly humps you like there's no tomorrow.  

I also think he might have some fantasies he doesn’t act on because they’re just too impractical for the apocalypse, like bondage or fucking in front of a mirror. Getting tied up is extra dangerous in case you happen to get attacked by surprise, and finding a mirror that’s still standing after 20 years of chaos is not an easy task.  

L = Location (favorite places to do the do) 

Again, not picky as long as it’s safe enough. He does like to fuck you standing more than he thought he would, so not having a bed it's not really a problem to him.   

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) 

Might sound creepy but: watching you when you're not looking. Seeing you relaxed and happy or doing somewhat domestic tasks makes him feel like his doing a good job at protecting you and keeping you safe.

And he loves the view of you in your most natural, sometimes quite vulnerable, state. Like when you take advantage of some clear river to wash yourself as he sits there, alert to any danger, while still getting lost in the sight of your naked body dancing around the water, showing your back to him and looking over your shoulder as if you had something to hide to the eyes that have already seen it all.  

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)  

Hurting you physically or causing you any type of pain is out of question. Even things like hard spanking or light choking would take a lot of convincing for him to give in to even try once. He doesn’t see the point on causing each other pain when you already live in a world where you are constantly trying to avoid it at all cause.  

Also, no Cuckholding or Swinging, so basically no sharing, the thought alone has him raging.  

He also loves when you give him head, but feels guilty to want to force fuck your face. He knows how it feels to have you gagging on his shaft, and he’s scared of how much he likes it. He’s terrified of losing control and hurting you accidentally. If you are into it though, some talking and setting boundaries might convince him of doing it more often. 

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.) 

Big oral giver (I'm trying to stay gn! here), loves a good earthy smelling bush to shove his nose in. He’s so filthy about it, too. He’ll be locked in, drowning in between your legs, lost savoring your core while grinding against whatever he can make use of, without even trying to make you cum but making you shake from pleasure nonetheless.

HIs favorite way of having you is sitting down, with you on your knees between his legs, slowly licking and tentatively taking more and more in your mouth, following his instructions with no rush while he plays with your hair. It’s not about cumming, but rather enjoying the warmth of your mouth as long as he can.  

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? Etc.) 

He can do both fast a rough or slow and sensual, but why not slow and rough; that’s his favorite pace. Keeping things sensual while still making you feel each deliberate thrust, having you beg for every single inch of him until you feel you’ll snap in half. 

We all know the line: You squeeze the trigger like you love it; gentle, steady, nice and slow. 

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.) 

He prefers to take things slow, so not the biggest fan. But beggars can’t be choosers, so he makes the best out of any situation.  

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? Etc.) 

He takes risks only as far as the context allows it. Prefers to play it safe most of the time but, whenever you discover something new you want to try, he can’t resist your puppy eyes and ends up giving in almost every time.  

And when he’s the one who comes up with some new idea to try out, get ready because, more likely than not, it’ll be something wild.  

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?) 

He’s erections can’t keep up with his horniness sometimes. The first one stands proud and high until he comes, after that it’ll take a bit to get it back up. But he’ll have to hold himself back from continue fucking you with his soft dick because he just refuses to accept he has to pull out and recover before a second round.  

With enough time and rest he can put up with 2 or 3 rounds of penetration and, if you still need more after or in between, he has plenty of energy and determination to satisfy you in different ways.  

T = Toys (do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?) 

Doesn’t really like dildos, he doesn’t get it. Why would you what to use a piece of plastic when you already have more than enough of the real one in from of you? Any other type of toy would be more than welcomed, as long as they don't become a safety hazard to use in your bodies for lack of proper cleaning and care. And you could only bring a few with you, to avoid carrying extra weight around (I know, living through an apocalypse can be a real bummer).  

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) 

A LOT. God, that man loves to drive you crazy with it, and he’s extremely patient for it too. He'll take any opportunity he gets to place his hands on your hips as he walks past you or have you sat on his lap even if there’s more than enough space to avoid it. He’ll caress your hair, tilt your face up to look at him by gently grabbing your chin, scatter soft kisses on your temples and forehead; he knows exactly what he’s doing and will pretend like he has no idea while still being smug about it.  

His teasing doesn’t even begin with touching, oh no. It starts even before that, with soft words whispered to your ear when you least expect them: a “you’re doing so good, baby” while shooting practice or a “play with yourself for me ‘til I get back, will ya’” right before he leaves for an important mission for a couple of days.  

I’m telling you, he'll drive you mad.  

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.) 

He’s not the loudest, really. His moans tend to sound more like growls or heavy painful breathing. He’s huge on dirty talking, though; he literally won’t shut up. The closer he gets to his orgasm, the obscener his words become and the looser his tongue gets.  

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character) 

He has fantasied about fucking you in front of the next guy he holds captive for trying to go too far with you; he’s done way worse than that before. I mean, he has tortured people for hurting those he loves, I think tying them up and forcing them to watch him take you (after beating them up a little) would be nowhere near one of his biggest sins, right?  

He gets so much pleasure from thinking about showing them who you belong to, and how they’ll never be able to please you, or touch you like he does; like the possessive asshole he is (affectionate). 

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes) 

Two words: Horse Cock. Hanging heavy, more girthy in the middle and slightly leaning to the left. Just glorious.  

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?) 

He tends to yearn for intimacy more that sex itself. Most of the time he craves the physical contact, the closeness and the pleasure that comes from your mutual understanding of each other, more than the plain orgasms. Other than that, I'd say he has a pretty average sex drive. 

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) 

Immediately. The man is old, he’s tired, he’s whole body hurts and has been through a lot. If a bed is available, he’ll make sure you’re ok and comfortable, to then fall asleep the next second while keeping you as close to him as humanly possible.   

Likes and comments are always welcomed and appreciated <3

[scariusaquarius]

rehab. 44.

Avenger! Bucky Barnes x Winter Soldier! Fem! Reader

Summary: While on a mission to find any more possible super soldiers that were a part of the Winter Soldier program, Steve and Bucky make a discovery in an abandoned HYDRA base that was cleared out a few years prior to their mission. They discover the Reader, a long-forgotten soldier that was still asleep within a functioning cryostasis pod; still awaiting orders. While Bucky isn't happy about it, he is put up to the challenge of helping to rehabilitate the soldier in Wakanda where she may be able to become a person again.

-

A/n: I recently redid my hair and it made me feel so good and gave me a good mental health boost that i've been needing for months, and it's also kinda boosted my motivation to write :D I hope you guys enjoyed that I included the X-Men! X-Men is one of my favorite franchises (even though Fox loves to royally fuck up the continuity). So, the timeline that I'm doing is 'First Class/Logan Elements' and yes, everyone is still be a bit young. I hope that makes sense haha also, i hope you guys noticed the really small detail with the candle ;) that's all i'm saying mwuahahah

Also, if you enjoy my work, please consider buying me a coffee! If you would prefer to read Rehab on Archive, you may do so right HERE!

This is an au where Bucky joined the avengers but still rehabilitated in Wakanda (sometime before Infinity War [canon divergent cause NOPE]). I am NOT fluent in Russian, so I did use google translate cause I couldn't find a good translator that I trusted. If anything is wrong, PLEASE let me know!! Also, I tried to list as many warnings as possible so you know what the story will contain as chapters are posted. Stay safe!

NOTE: I DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION FOR ANY OF MY WORKS TO BE FED INTO AI FOR BOTS, I DO NOT GIVE PERMISSION FOR MY WORKS TO BE TRANSLATED, REPOSTED, REWORKED, ETC, IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM!!!

-

Genre: Slowburn, Enemies to Lovers/Friends to Lovers, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Humor, Drama, Dark Content Rated: Explicit Warning: Angst, Dark Content: Graphic Depictions of Sexual Assault, Blood and Gore, Mentions of Manipulation, Kidnapping, Canon-Typical Violence, Body Horror, Nonconsensual Body Modification/Scarring, Emotional and Physical Abuse, Mentions of Murder, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts/Ideation, Graphic Depictions of Human Remains, Mentions of Sexual Coercion/Manipulation, Death, Misuse of Drugs/Forced Drugging, Self-Harm (Graphic Depictions and Mentions), Nightmares

-

Author: ScariusAquarius

-

rehab masterlist. / rehab masterlist 2. chapter 42 / chapter 43

The atmosphere in Charles Xavier's office had become tense and quiet. From outside the office, Bucky could hear the children talking amongst themselves, the sounds of what seemed to be teachers talking to each other about lesson plans and potential events for the students, and the sounds of powers being used.

The environment on the outside was completely mundane; ignorant to the turmoil within the office, and Bucky clenched his fist tightly. The plates in his arm whirred and shfited, Logan glancing at him with an almost questioning look as he watched Bucky's metal arm adjust itself, and Logan glanced back at Charles as the Professor turned around within his seat.

"Alright, so what do you wanna do? You just wanna let her sit there and magically deprogram herself?"

Hank shook his head, adjusting his glasses.

"It doesn't work like that, unfortunately. With the programming being encoded into her DNA itself, taking it out is going to be a bit like surgery."

Charles sighed and stated.

"This whole process must be done carefully and precisely. No brute force, no magical or psychic overrides, and no sudden shifts in reality that (Y/n) will not be able to comprehend or her body to respond to. We will need someone to reach her...and someone extract her from HYDRA."

Tony looked up and asked, raising his brow as he spoke.

"How do you expect us to extract her when she's sitting somewhere that the Avengers can't touch? If we try to force our way in, we might as well just storm the White House. Hell, Strange can't even get in. From what the wizard says, the HYDRA base that she's being kept in has magic VPN's that keep him from being able to go in."

Strange glared at Tony when he called him a wizard, and he shook his head before further explaining.

"While Lukas Meiers is a simple human, he is a man of power. With power comes connections, and whoever he had magically reinforce his home knew what they were doing. Astral projection didn't work, and my astral body was almost torn apart trying to get through without tripping the alarm system. Moreover, the magical reinforcements that were placed on (Y/n) were somehow reversed the second she stepped into the base, most likely from the dormant failsafe that was finally activated when Lukas and Nagel worked on her."

Hank looked fascinated, asking.

"Astral projection? How intriguing..."

Logan rolled his eyes before shaking his head, looking at Charles again.

"Alright, Charles, who the hell are we gonna send in?"

Charles hummed in thought before he finally theorized.

"I believe that Kurt might be our best option. With how instantaneous his gift is, Kurt would be able to get in and out quick enough that the physical and magical security would not be able to detect him in time."

Peter looked confused on the name 'Kurt' and he scratched his head a bit before asking.

"Professor, who is Kurt?"

Charles' face became gentle and fond as he gazed at Peter, regarding the young man with an expression that a father would their child, and he stated.

"Kurt Wagner. Some, however, may know him as Nightcrawler."

Peter's eyes practically became stars as he asked.

"Wait, you mean the blue guy who can teleport and has a tail?"

Charles couldn't help but to chuckle at Peter's enthusiasm, confirming with a fondness in his voice that wasn't there before.

"The very one. Kurt has a very unique gift. His relationship with the space around him is almost unprecedented. His teleportation bypasses physical dimensions that most sensors, whether technological or mystical, can't anticipate. It's not just his speed, but the unpredictability that makes Kurt perfect for this mission. By the time he would have been detected, him and (Y/n) would already be gone."

Peter was in awe, and Bucky couldn't help but to comment.

"I thought Stark's stealth shit was impressive...guess Kurt's got the jump on you."

Tony glared at Bucky, pointing a finger at him.

"Don't make me put a sprinkler in that arm of yours."

Bucky just rolled his eyes, and Logan snorted. Tony huffed before shrugging.

"So, good old-fashioned magic. That's cool. Yeah, no, that's perfect, except the fact that Lukas' mansion is literally warded against that."

Strange sighed, becoming fed-up with Tony as he stated firmly.

"It’s not magic. It’s biology."

Hank perked up again, his eyes lighting up as he explained.

"It’s true. I’ve studied Kurt’s physiology extensively. He really is such a fascinating case of mutant biology. His abilities are tied to an innate mutation—he traverses through a separate dimension momentarily. The dimension itself is largely untraceable to conventional instruments, which is likely why it wouldn’t trigger magical tripwires or wards."

Peter whispered under his breath, a hand to his chin.

"So he’s like a ninja…but fuzzier."

"Fuzzier and holier,"

Logan interrupted, giving Peter a thoughtful look.

"Kurt’s a good man. You’re not gonna find anyone more loyal or willing to risk himself for someone else. Let alone the fact the kid is probably the only one who can."

Bucky stated protectively, Logan glancing at him with a small frown.

"That's great, but I can't just take your word alone. I want to meet him."

Before Logan could open his mouth, Charles nodded.

"Of course. If you would like, I can have Kurt come right now...or, if you'd like to meet with him privately, I can advise everyone to leave...perhaps Hank could take Tony and Peter to his lab?"

Hank's excitement was poorly hidden, and he looked at Bucky, whispering.

"Please?"

"I ain't going nowhere, bub, so don't even bother asking."

Logan was gruff, and Bucky gave the man an expressionless expression. It was obvious that Logan didn't trust Bucky, and Bucky briefly wondered if Logan was aware of his past. Charles hummed thoughtfully before he wheeled away from the window, asking gently.

"Sergeant, would you take a walk with me?"

Bucky became uncomfortable, and Logan stepped forward. Charles kept a hand up, glancing at Logan.

"It's alright, Logan. Hank, I'd like for you to take Tony and Peter to your lab. Strange, I trust you to make your own decision whether to follow or not...but I think you would take great interest in the Mysticism class that we teach here at the Institute."

Strange's lips curled up slightly as he adjusted his cloak and the sleeves on his arm.

"I'll consider it, though I need to warn you: I'm a difficult student."

Charles chuckled, winking slightly.

"So was Logan. You'll find the class on the second floor."

Tony sighed and stood, gesturing to Peter as Hank smiled enthusiastically.

"Come on, Peter, maybe Best has a DNA printer or something similar."

Peter's excitement was poorly contained, asking.

"Do you think he'd let me use it? Oh, man, this is so cool!"

Hank was proud, stating with a wink.

"I assure you, neither of you will be disappointed. Right this way."

As everyone filed out, Logan hung back for a moment, thinking to himself before he began to subtly follow Bucky and Charles as the two began to traverse down the hallway.

Bucky was slightly uncomfortable, but his eyes were darting around the environment, watching the kids and taking in the mundane living that was around him.

Charles was quiet, giving Bucky a moment to become comfortable, and he spoke after a pregnant pause, stating.

"I would like to reassure you, James, that I did not ask you to walk with me to interrogate you. Quite the opposite. If you would allow me, I would like to understand you without jeopardizing your privacy."

Bucky didn't know how to respond. He wasn't really used to people wanting to understand him just to do so, but Charles was different. While Charles wasn't exactly like him, he was still a super human; someone that was considered an outsider. Well, not the way Bucky was, but Bucky guessed it was still the same thing.

"You can try, but I don't know if you'll get very far."

Charles chuckled before stating.

"Well, if you're anything like Logan, I think I can manage."

Bucky frowned, glancing down at Charles as the man guided him around the institute.

"What do you mean?"

Charles hummed, shaking his head slightly.

"You and Logan are cut from very similar cloths. If there is any man that can understand you better than you, yourself, it is Logan. He is very rough around the edges, but he is still battling with the ghosts that still haunt him as well. Logan also knows the same loss that you do...it's why he's...hm, how do I put this...angry."

Charles then hummed, giving Bucky an inquisitive look.

"That's why he's finding it hard to be trustful. He's not only been you, but in the very same position. Logan knows loss and pain and what it is like to lose your autonomy, and this situation hits close enough to home that it has Logan's mind in shambles."

Bucky was quiet for a moment, confused, and he asked as he looked at Charles.

"Why are you telling me this?"

The two men paused, and Charles sighed. However, it wasn't a sigh of annoyance, but rather a sigh of understanding, and the man gave Bucky a gentle look.

"Because you need to know that you're not alone. You've spent a very long time being a weapon, and being seen as one. A threat, nuisance, anything that human's can say to make themselves comfortable in the presence of something they cannot understand. Perhaps, even a mistake to fix, or a problem to contain. But I see a man who was broken and is still standing."

Bucky's face was tense, but the man looked small; almost like a child as he stared into Charles' eyes, and Bucky swallowed thickly when Charles continued.

"And I think that man is worth knowing. Worth trusting. I also know what it’s like to believe that no one could possibly understand what you’ve been through. And yet... here you are. And here we are."

Bucky was moved by Charles' words, but he retreated slightly, stating to Charles.

"You know, you're real smooth for a guy in a wheelchair."

Charles laughed, a genuine sound that was light and warm that made Bucky's worry melt just the slightest.

"Well, it's a lot harder to walk away from me mid-conversation."

Bucky couldn't help but to chuckle, shoving his hands into his pockets, and there was a moment of silence before Bucky revealed quietly.

"I can't get her eyes out of my head...she was...it was like she was dead; just a machine that was trained to kill and obey, and I couldn't reach (Y/n). I know she's in there somewhere, but even if we save her and get her away from HYDRA...even if we destroy the failsafe...I don't know if she'll come back from this."

From behind a wall and out of sight, Logan was leaning against it with his arms crossed. His expression was firm and downcast, a furrow in his brow as he listened. Charles was quiet before his voice carried a weight in the air, Bucky listening intensely.

"Sometimes the hardest part about survival is believing that you deserve it. You know the stakes because you've been this woman. You've worn her eyes, you've worn her hands, and you've worn the weight of forced compliance...but just like you, she needs someone that is willing to wait for her on the other side. Someone that understands and loves her."

The choice of words that Charles used made Bucky's jaw go slack, and he swallowed thickly before looking away, staring out into the garden and watching as the wind blew slightly; white lilies catching the sunlight as they swayed, and Bucky chewed on his cheek for a moment.

"What if it isn't enough?"

"Then you adapt."

Bucky was looking at Charles, a look of worry across his face, but Charles was patient and kind as he looked back. Bucky then looked down at the ground, and he frowned for a moment.

"You said that Logan was...like me. What do you mean by that?"

Charles hummed, shaking his head as he winked at Bucky.

"I think that is a question better suited to ask Logan himself. Though, do not be offended if he does not open up to you. As I said, Logan continues to battle those ghosts himself, and it's difficult for him to be vulnerable."

Charles then cleared his throat and informed Bucky.

"I will leave you to your thoughts if you would prefer. I will retrieve Kurt, and if you find yourself in need of familiar company, Hank's lab is just down the hall."

Bucky nodded, and he sat down on a chair that was sitting next to the window overlooking the garden. Charles wheeled away, and when he passed Logan, he stated with a teasing tone.

"Logan, eavesdropping is very unbecoming."

"Like you can talk."

Logan scoffed. Charles rolled his eyes a bit before stating.

"Talk to him."

There was a finality to Charles' voice that left Logan unable to protest, and he growled to himself slightly before he kicked himself up off of the wall. For a moment, Logan watched as Charles wheeled himself away before he walked out to where Bucky was. Logan didn't say anything at first, but Bucky noticed him immediately.

"You always go around sneaking like that?"

Logan pursed his lips before relighting his cigar, muttering as he plopped down in front of Bucky.

"I wasn't sneaking."

Bucky raised a brow, wrinkling his nose slightly as the smell of the burning tobacco as he replied.

"Right, so listening while I spill my guts out isn't sneaking?"

Logan didn't respond. Instead, he stared out the window at the garden for a moment, seeming to contemplate his words as he became uncomfortable. He was never the kind to have such deep talks. It just wasn't Logan's style, but the mutant could feel it. There was a similarity; a resonation with the Avenger that was familiar.

"Earlier, you said that (Y/n) might not come back the same...it's pretty likely."

"If this is your way of being comforting, you're not really good at it."

Logan glared at Bucky, replying with a curled lip as he took a big puff of his cigar.

"It ain't supposed to be comforting, bub, it's honesty."

Bucky pursed his lips before he looked down at the table before he mumbled.

"I know I'm right. I've seen it before. I've been there before...but the programming they've used...it's completely different, and I don't know what to do."

Bucky clasped his hands together, rubbing the metal of his left hand with his thumb.

"With the regular programming, it was easier. You stay out of cryo for a while, they don't wipe you, and you start to remember. For me, it was a lot easier because I had Steve...I had something to hold onto, but (Y/n)'s family is mostly dead except for her Aunt Mavis. (Y/n) had nothing...and she was just starting to stabilize, to remember more, before fucking Fury and everyone decided to send her into HYDRA."

Logan frowned deeply, and he asked, tilting his head.

"Why did they do that, anyway?"

"Because the goal was to infiltrate HYDRA instead of HYDRA infiltrating us. Fight them on their own turf, and the only way they would do that would be for someone they know and trust to go in. I can't because HYDRA is already aware that the programming is gone. But for (Y/n)...deprogramming her was the point...and I still don't understand why."

Logan was quiet for a beat before he sighed, taking another big puff of his cigar before he spoke.

"I get it. I've seen people turned into weapons because somebody else decided that it was the 'right thing to do' and necessary. I was one myself, and bub, there ain't nothing clean or noble about it. It's just a bunch of bastards pretending like they're doing the best for their country cause they ain't got the balls to fight for it themselves the hard way."

Bucky became intrigued before he asked quietly.

"What...what happened?"

Logan stared Bucky down, understanding what the man was trying to ask. His jaw shifted slightly, the cigar smoldering and adjusting, and Logan sighed, his brow furrowing.

"Same damn shit as you, kid, just different labs, different coats, different people. They took everything from me. My memories, my thoughts, me, and all that was left was...was a monster that was angry. I followed orders, killed, all because one man was hungry for a power he couldn't handle."

Logan sat back in his seat a little, a wry little smile on his face.

"But after escaping, I started to remember...started to figure out who I really was...and I made sure to pay a visit to that man and remind him just how human he was."

Logan then looked at Bucky, who was listening intensely.

"Your turn."

Bucky was taken back, blinking slightly.

"W-What do you mean?"

Logan raised an eyebrow at him, a subtle annoyance coming over the mutant.

"I told you my scars, you tell me yours."

Bucky was almost taken by surprise. Did Logan really know nothing about him and the Winter Soldier?

"You really don't know about...me and...the Winter Soldier?"

Logan's expression darkened a little, the corner of his mouth twitching around the cigar.

"I know what they called you. And I know what they turned you into. But I ain't askin' for a file. I'm askin' what you carry from it."

Bucky looked surprised again before he looked down at the table, the sunlight shining on his metal arm and creating a glare that hurt his eyes a bit as he looked at the shining material.

"I...I can't sleep at night sometimes. I remember all of them...all the people I had to kill...all the people I've hurt because of my actions. Hell, I'm part of the reason (Y/n) was turned into the Winter Soldier. And...there's a part of me that still wonders if this is real or if it's just a fabrication, you know?"

Logan was listening quietly, crossing his arms as he gazed long and hard at Bucky, and Bucky took a calming deep breath.

"I was starting to make a bit more peace with what I did when I met (Y/n). I didn't want to help her, I knew what she was, and I...I hated her. I hated being faced with what I was...but Steve was insistent that I help. I guess he figured that if I tried to rehabilitate (Y/n) alongside the Wakandans, I might learn something. I did, in a way...and now, I'm so fucking terrified that she's lost forever because I didn't fight hard enough for Fury to send someone else in."

His eyes turned glassy, and Bucky desperately blinked the tears away as he brought his hands to his mouth, whispering.

"I'm so fucking terrified. I'm trying to keep a level head...trying to stay calm...cause I can feel it. I can feel that part of me that's still in there. (Y/n)...she's awake for all of this; all of what she's doing, and I'm so scared that once we get her back, there's gonna be nothing of her left. It's just gonna be a hollow machine that we're gonna have to...have to..."

His voice trailed off, unable to bring himself to say the words, and Logan wisely didn't finish the sentence for him. Bucky swallowed thickly before muttering.

"I've been alive for 101 years...and I was a weapon for around 75 years...and I don't have a single clue on how to go about this."

Logan scoffed, leaning over to put his cigar out in a bowl that definitely wasn't an ashtray.

"You say 100 as if that's old, bub. You're still a baby."

Bucky was offended.

"What the hell does that mean? You're like 40."

Logan smirked, a knowing expression on his face as he replied.

"Actually, kid, I'm 186."

Bucky squinted, quipping back as he stared Logan down.

"That's bullshit. There's no way."

Logan chuckled, shrugging.

"Healing factor, son, and some pretty damn good genes."

Bucky almost rolled his eyes before Logan's expression became serious again.

"Listen, kid...we'll get your lady back...but you better be prepared for what's ahead after that. You had Steve, but she has you, and you need to be ready to carry that weight for her until she can carry it herself."

I want to remember the sunlight, even if I don't remember what it is.

Bucky became serious, nodding his head as he agreed.

"I know, and I'm willing to do it. What we have to focus on first is actually getting her back."

Before either of the men could say anything more, Peter suddenly came skidding around the corner, panting slightly.

"B-Bucky! Oh, hi, Mr. Wolverine. Um, you need to come to the lab, like, now."

Bucky stood up from his seat, asking as dread suddenly filled him.

"What is it, Queens?"

Peter looked reluctant to say anything before he stated gravely.

"It's...It's all over the news, man. (Y/n)...they had her assassinate the Prime Minister of France."

Both Logan and Bucky shared a look, and the group hurried to Hank's lab where Tony, Hank, and Strange were watching the TV. Hank was holding a hand to his chin in shock, and Strange was clenching his jaw.

Tony was staring down at the ground with an angry look on his face, and Peter became anxious as he picked a spot by a table as the report on the TV continued, a zoomed in and extremely blurry image of (Y/n) holding a rifle on the screen.

"-Speculation has already begun to spread with many citizens wondering 'is this the infamous (Y/n) (L/n) from the United States vs Rollins & Holloway court trial from a couple weeks ago'? And if so, what went wrong? Is this a woman gone rogue, or is HYDRA beginning to rear its head once more?"

The scene changed to a man that was crying while speaking in French, English captions coming up as the interviewer took his statement.

"It's a tragedy! Our Prime Minister is dead! What is our country going to do? First, the Swiss President, and now ours. He was a kind man, why did this happen? Whoever did this deserves to die!"

The interview was immediately cut off from his vulgar words, and the news reporter looked grim.

"The Prime Minister of France, and many of his security detail were found dead at the scene. French officials have yet to comment, but sources close to the investigation suggest the possibility of a highly trained assassin operating under foreign influence."

Tony shook his head, running a hand through his hair in stress, and Strange muttered.

"We're out of time."

Peter looked anxious, asking in an almost panicked voice.

"What do we do? I mean, (Y/n) was seen this time. What is HYDRA thinking?"

Logan spoke up, making everyone in the room look at him.

"They're turning her into a message, and if we wanna do something, we better listen."

Bucky's metal hand clenched, the plates in his arm whirring again, and Bucky muttered.

"We need to get her out fast. There's no waiting or dragging this mission out. We have to get (Y/n) back."

Peter then asked, shaking his head.

"I'm not trying to be insensitive or anything, but what about HYDRA?What are we gonna do about that?"

Tony finally spoke up, pacing as he began to think out loud.

"If we're going to destroy HYDRA once and for all, then we need to do it ourselves. Gather evidence, data scrape, do anything we can to prove HYDRA is still around and are in the highest positions of power. And don't say a damn word to Fury about it. I'm talking full ghost protocol."

Peter raised his hand, asking with a confused look on his face.

"Um, what do you mean by 'ghost protocol'?"

Logan muttered with a growl that came from deep within his belly, startling Peter.

"It means we're on our damn own. Can't trust suits, agencies, nothing."

Bucky was cold as he muttered.

"Then let's start acting like it."

-(Y/N)-

Her head was swimming with pain. (Y/n) was kneeling on the floor, head pressed against the cold concrete and hands splayed out on either side as a cane came cracking down on her back. Despite the fact that she was trapped in her own mind, (Y/n) could still feel the physical pain.

She'd been here for what felt like hours, her new Handler cracking the cane down onto her back so hard that (Y/n) was surprised that her spine hadn't broken yet. She was sobbing internally, writhing on the floor of her snow-covered cage with every smack of the cane, and all (Y/n) could think about was how cold she felt and how much the pain was hurting.

The soldier, however, stayed obediently quiet; not a single sound coming out from her lips. Her eyes stared down at the floor, focusing on the blood splatter that had appeared when the cane struck her in the face, and (Y/n)'s mouth involuntarily salivated at the urge to lick it up.

A good dog always cleans up their messes.

It was getting harder to breathe with every smack of the cane, every kick into her side, and just as (Y/n) panicked at the sound of a belt unbuckling, the cell door swung open, and Lukas walked in. He made a noise of disgust, a slap sounding as he hissed out.

"What are you, a fucking dog? Get yourself together and get the fuck out."

The Handler rushed out, and finally, it was just Lukas and her in the room. It was quiet for a moment, the sound of a match striking making her ears perk up, and the smell of lavender and vanilla began to fill the room before Lukas spoke.

"Come on out, little Achilles."

Suddenly, her body relaxed, and for the first time in a while, the door to her cage was open. It felt as though she was being sprung into a wall, gasping a deep breath in, and that's when the pain really began to settle. (Y/n) grit her teeth, clenching her bloodied and busted knuckles, and she slowly sat up, coughing out as a sob ripped itself from her lips.

Lukas was uncaring, simply staring down at her as the candle flame flickered across his cruel expression. (Y/n) was beginning to shake and tremble, and she was terrified; unable to speak as she braced herself for whatever was about to happen.

"Sit up."

Despite the fear, somehow, her body still obeyed, and she sat up, her face betraying her fear. Lukas smirked, and he knelt down before her, tilting his head.

"The work you have done today will be remembered for years to come. In no time, the world will turn upon the Avengers...the public is already speculating that the Avengers were lying this whole time...harboring a weapon and using it to get back at the ones trying to control and regulate them."

Her bottom lip trembled, the tears falling down her face, and Lukas cooed in mock empathy, his hand coming up and forcing (y/n) to flinch as he wiped her tears away.

"Oh, save your tears, little one. Save them for the moment you kill them all."

The words hit her like a freight train; her chest caving in from the gravity of the sentiment, and (Y/n) became deathly still; not a breath or a word coming from her. There was something in her that cracked, something deep within that fractured and pulled away from her like sinew and bone.

It was a part of her that still remembered the sunlight; the sound of Doris Day playing on the speakers in Shuri's lab; the way Bucky looked at her as he held her hand.

And the memories burned like a fire within her.

Despite the desire to lunge; to claw at his eyes; to escape, her body refused to move. Her muscles were spasming and twitching, trying to fight the control, but the failsafe was still active and only momentarily loosened.

"No."

She turned her eyes up to him slowly. Glassy. Trembling. But in the depths of them, a spark.

"I refuse."

Lukas frowned slightly, noticing the change, and he suddenly laughed as if she said the funniest thing he had ever heard.

"Oh, little Achilles, what makes you think you can refuse? I hold you in the palm of my hand. With a single sound, you are under my control."

His hand went into his pocket, and the sound of the ringtone from the phone played. (Y/n) instantly stiffened, almost crying out as it felt as though she was violently shoved back into her snow-covered cage.

“Don’t forget. You are mine, and you will carry out your missions with utmost satisfaction...or shall I pay a visit to our lost asset?"

(Y/n) didn’t speak, her lips unable to move, but the thought of Lukas going after Bucky made her blood run cold. She was begging within her mind, grabbing the bars of her enclosure and screamed loud.

The soldier sat quietly. Lukas smirked before he waved his hand and walked out of the cell, locking the door as he called.

"Rest up, Asset. We have more work to do."

-

So, I went with the scent route because the avengers, Shuri, nor the Xmen (save for maybe Hank) would NEVER think that a scent could deactivate the failsafe. Sometimes, the best solutions are the simplest ones ;) hehehehehHEHEHEHEHEHEH!!!!

TAGGING: @ravenswritingroom @mggslefttit @softpia @thebl00dwyrm @buckvoidsyy @chonkybonky @seemsxsketchy @tilldeathripsusapart @vicmc624 @mgchaser @aash3 @samfunko @seventeen-x @valckenaux @babybeeelle @sc4rrc @cjand10 @bane-y-zane @notsostrangerthing @thenameswinter99 @bumblebeebutter @torntaltos @highhopes1008

[triangular-static]

irregular

just read flatland and i am 10x less normal about bill cipher now. it's so interesting to think about passages of this book with him in mind

(and also as its own book it's very interesting to read as an examination of dimensions and as a satire of victorian society, i very much enjoyed it)

but one of the first things that i noticed when my friend was looking at website codes at the same time i was reading the first half of the book was:

the code for bill cipher's mugshots is irregular. having read flatland this being the code seems like a reference to how shapes with irregular sides are labelled as criminals and morality is very heavily judged on whether your angles are equal or not. the term REALLY sticks out to me having read the book, given it carries. a lot of weight there.

(trust me, there were many excerpts i could have chosen from. even the narrator is very biased against irregular shapes. like. from the way it's used it pretty much reads as a flatland slur)

yeah. i don't know if the unfair link between morality and irregularity existed in euclydia, but with this as a code? it's not impossible. euclydia is not identical to flatland from what we know, but there are still places where they match other than just the base concept.

bill being implied equilateral by the axolotl makes this interesting. while he could definitely be labelled irregular in other ways (his eye), being equilateral would mean he doesn't fit the main flatland definition. but that doesn't mean they wouldn't use it as an insult anyway.

his exact angles could have shifted, which is possible in flatland (and he shapeshifts to forms that look far less equilateral in the show, so i don't think he's really that confined in shape at least currently), but i think him being equilateral yet being the one to destroy euclydia could also be interesting as a subversion of the flatland bias. though him being irregular by a small amount would also align with themes he already has. i think both could work.

but, if irregularity IS as heavily punished in euclydia as it is in flatland, one of his parents being named scalene (a term that is notably quite absent from the book! instead they use phrases like "irregular isosceles", from what i could see. i love when things are made significant by omission), is very interesting as well, if it's more than just a name.

given scalene seems? to be able to lead what seems a fairly normal life from the bare snippets we have? i think if there is discrimination of this nature in euclydia, it could be less extreme, and may be one of the cases where the worlds are different.

but irregular being used in relation to bill as a criminal makes it seem like something in his universe, at least. or maybe it got picked up from a different 2d world and applied to bill later?

at the very least, it adds a layer to his aversion to answering this question in the ama:

TL;DR: the website code "irregular" leading to the color version of the mugshots is likely a reference to flatland connecting it with criminality. which is interesting if that means being irregular is a notable thing in euclydia as well, but even if it's not, it's an interesting reference!

[a-twistedheartslonging]

So where would Idia's junk be? I'm not interested in him in that way but if I recall male spiders to mate put their stuff on their webs. Like... Could spider hybrids even mate with a human?? How would that work?

Thankfully Idia's junk is different than a regular spiders' since...ouch, the places of said jink are also different. Spiders have a few different ways of breeding that can also be different depending on the type of spider, but for Idia and other driders...

Similar to harpies, reptiles, and many mers, our spider boy has a slit, said slit is hidden by plating that shifts away when aroused. His penis is differently shaped then a human one and also works as an ovipositor as despite being male, in my au males of egg laying species are also able to lay eggs, said peen is also blue and glows like the rest of him.

It's this area between his palyops where his junk is hidden.

Now, male spiders can also use palps for mating, and... it's basically coving their hand in their own cum before fisting someone, which is typically used as a faster, safer way so they can impregnate a female quickly and run off before she can attack him, but for driders, they are just used as a second set of arms.

Usually used for carrying things but also for holding a mate in place, particularly more useful for smaller (at least when compared to a giant spider) nondrider mates as they are easier to...well basically manhandle and maneuver. They hold onto their hips and keep them nicely in place during the act. However, it isn't uncommon for them to tie up or suspend a mate in their webbing for similar reasons.

Sex can be awkward with that kind of body, so they have different ways of doing things. Though if you want, he is capable of laying on his back comfortably and letting you on top of him/topping, it just looks a little silly with his leggies spread out or sticking up.

Any of the nonhumans in the AU are fully capable of producing offspring with a human, their junk is typically different but capable, it's just that...with certain kinds of beasts, the difference in size can make things a little more complicated. It's typically a "Big key with a small lock" type of situation.

But in the end, there are plenty of ways to enjoy mating with your beasty that don't require full or even partial penetration so it's not too big of a deal.

[kintsugi-dragon]

Some of my Personal Hanzo Headcanons:

warning: lots of text.

Hanzo is 5'6"ft, or 168cm tall. He used to be taller than Genji (who was 5'5"ft/165cm tall), but after Genji's reconstruction into his cyborg body, Genji now stands taller at 5'8"ft/173cm. Hanzo does not like the fact that his little brother now stands above him.

His favourite dessert-snack is taiyaki! They are crispy pastries made of waffle batter, filled with different fillings like custard, chocolate, beancurd, or savoury things - all in the shape of a fish.

Hanzo's favourite flavour is the classic sweet red bean curd, or azuki filling. He does not like the custard ones.

Relating to above; Hanzo has a pretty strong sweet tooth, but was never really afforded the luxury of indulging it - be it from following the clan's busy schedules and training regimens in his youth, to only eating the cheapest and most filling foods to survive during his time after leaving the clan, or just being too anxious to pick up a dessert in front of the Overwatch members.

(He's also lactose intolerant but does not care that he is lactose intolerant. He will eat ice cream and cheese, and he will regret it in 2-4 hours.)

His favourite colour is gold, but if told that "that's not really a colour", he'll say blue.

The twin dragons he carries are not named by him. He just calls them either "my dragons" or "that one and the other one". I'll write a post explaining how I imagine them to work separately. The members of Overwatch and Genji tried to give them names but none of them stuck and Hanzo never uses them anyway.

He is gay (as in HOMOSEXUAL) but he doesn't flirt with anyone or seem to understand when people are flirting with him. Everyone around him cannot get a good read on who he's into: Genji thinks he's straight, some other members suspect he's AceAro, Cassidy gets mixed vibes from him, and Bap is utterly lost. (The reason? In the darker section under the -----'s.)

Hanzo is extremely introverted and gets tense in social situations. He's not shy, per se, but he will try and avoid casual conversations and will sprint walk briskly out of the room if too many people are there. He enjoys silence and finds just being together with the people he likes, in quiet, is how he relaxes.

Some darker stuff below! No in-depth gory details, but they pertain to bodily injuries, mental illness, homophobia, and forced marriage.

-

-

-

----------

Hanzo has prosthetic legs. He did not leave during his battle with Genji without any injuries - as Genji lay on the floor of the dojo, weak and desperate to protect himself, Genji slashed at Hanzo's legs and feet, doing enough damage to have the elders of the clan to remove them and replace them with a set of prosthetics. Although the elders did save his life, Hanzo knows that his legs only made him more of a weapon and a soldier than the person he was before. They hurt to put on and take off (giving a painful pins-and-needles sensation along with prolonged severe cramping) and often become chafed and inflamed.

Hanzo was branded with the Shimada Clan's seal on his right shoulder (the one that is always covered up). It was done as a reminder that he was and is a part of the Shimadas and that he is essentially owned by them. Hanzo despises it and never shows it to anyone - he's not even sure if Genji knows what the clan did to him and will panic if anyone were to see it. You can see what this looks like in Hanzo's Cyberninja skin:

He writes poetry and does sketches in his small personal notebook and has done so his entire life, but dreads having someone discover them, even if they are beautiful. Hanzo was able to keep it completely hidden from his clan, who would have discovered his shifting thoughts on loyalty and leaving otherwise. Genji once found him tucking it away and jumped to read it, leading to a hiss-whispered fight in Hanzo's room to take it back. He didn't know that all that Genji had glimpsed was a drawing of the town gate.

Hanzo has anxiety (social and general), severe chronic depression, C-PTSD and PTSD, insomnia, and experiences frequent dissociation. I will go more in-depth about these in a separate post, but know that he thinks he deserves this and does not want to tell anyone about it.

He struggles with alcoholism and is prone to running away and drinking when he can't emotionally handle things, especially in regards to his brother.

He does not celebrate his birthday and hasn't in decades. Genji's birthday, which is 6 days earlier, overshadowed Hanzo's. Hanzo was not expected to indulge in "frivous" things such as birthday celebrations and his lack of friends in and out of the clan. His birthday is also a source of self-loathing and regret for being born and growing into the monster he perceives himself to be. No one knows his birth date, not even Genji, who had long forgotten his older brother's date after years of extensive parties and week-long excursions with friends, hook-ups, and drugs.

Hanzo struggles with pretty bad internalized homophobia for himself. He's fine with everyone else being LGBTQ+ and is a supporter of gay rights, but he can't come to terms with himself being gay. Since being expected, since childhood, to become the heir of the Shimadas and continue their bloodline as the eldest son, Hanzo was often paired up with girls and women to try and set up a marriage. Hanzo left the clan a few months away from a wedding they had made for him and a woman he hardly knew. To him? His purpose is to breed. He is not allowed to follow what he wants. He cannot love a man. His unacceptance of his own sexuality leads to him ignoring flirtation from others and never drawing attention to who he likes.

Even though he is no longer under the control of the clan, their ideals and teachings continue to stick to him and trap him in the same thought patterns they constructed decades ago.

[drdemonprince]

This is prompted by your most recent substack about fame, because my point is extremely tangential, I'm putting it here.

It's interesting to have seen the internet go through many stages. From the newsgroups/BBS era, to internet forums, to blogs, to social media, and how the respective environments shaped things.

In the early days, it's very much a group thing, some people became Big Name posters, pseudonymous, but still a group thing. The blog era was more personal, but still something made by someone who's just a person, even if not literally pseudonymous. Also, still text based, a lot of it even often. Social media changed that, with it's focus on follower counts on one hand and to snippets of text (twitter) or images (insta), and even though it's social media-ness is debatable, video (insta, youtube). The semi-anonymous nature however, was completely lost by now.

The doing it because you enjoyed it, or whatever, also recedes into the background because this is where monetization really takes off. The deleterious effects of the interaction between monetization and follower counts (notability) need no introduction, but painting with broad strokes, make something appeal as broad as possible deepens the flattening effect a medium like video already has, the visual aspects often being more important than the messages. It also has a much higher barrier to entry. Spinning up your own blog is cheap, text takes only a tiny amount data. Video is not. It's expensive to make (especially if you want slick videos), expensive to serve, so it's predisposed to big, single platforms that can leverage economies of scale.

The natural result is that you have a few people with big audiences, instead of many people with small audiences. If audiences is even the right word for that. If I'm talking about say, some TV show on my blog, and someone responds, it's a fairly equal conversation. More between peers, of sorts, just two people talking about something they share. As opposed to a Youtuber who makes a video about it with 100,000s of viewers. Because there are so many fewer voices, you lose the breadth of conversation too, narrowing to a small range of popular topics, and the distinction between You, and You as Your Brand gets eroded.

It's kinda notable in the autism sphere. Blogs where people talk about their experiences, how they dealt or didn't deal with things, have fallen off. Twitter came and went, and now there's Youtube and insta, where everything gets simplified down to a few slides or a 10 minute video about only the most basic aspects. Which is just... sad. I wouldn't have known that autistic burnout is a Thing many people struggle with if not for a blog post a friend came across and shared one day.

There was a comment from someone, a while ago, about how they used to have ASMR videos on, until they were able to get out into nature, and their desire for those videos completely disappeared. We're all very deprived. Of social contact, foremost. The pandemic poured gasoline on an already smoldering fire I feel. Latching onto someone 'famous' in a surrogate of social contact & context, like that person with their ASMR videos, feels like an understandable (though not good) outcome of that, which brings with it very regrettable excesses.

I think this is all pretty much a correct analysis, thank you! Though I would qualify that we have shifted away from the period of the Youtube mega content creator a social media ecosystem of intimate-seeming connections with smaller influencers, these days. Think of your Twitch streamers with a dedicated base of like 50-200 viewers per stream (and a Discord and a Patreon that supports them), the fitness Instagrams that sell meal plans online, the tarot witches and activist influencers offering one on one sessions, etc. Those communities can be more niche, but they still offer the illusion of a connection -- and if anything, that illusion is more strong because the creator is a "micro" famous person, and can take time to interact closely with fans here and there. We might already be heading out of that period of social media, though, especially with the disintegration of Twitter and the slow death of Meta's apps, too. I don't know what comes next but I hope we are due for a reappraisal of all of this, and the norms surrounding it.

[fangirlingfromdownunder]

A Sweet Mishap - Chapter 12

Pairing - Jensen Ackles x Reader 

A/N: I just want to start by thanking everyone for all the love on this story so far. Here's the next chapter, I hope you enjoy. Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist.

A Sweet Mishap Masterlist | Main Masterlist

─���─ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Grumbling, I get out of bed at 6:30am, after shutting off my alarm. I have a brisk shower to wake myself up, get dressed in leggings, a sports bra and an old oversized hoodie, and have a quick breakfast; water and an over-ripe banana. I tie up the most comfortable running shoes I have, put my dollar store wired earphones in, turn on a lively pop playlist and jog down the stairs, instead of waiting for the elevator. 

Part of being realistic, I decided, is accepting that my loathing of gyms and exercise has left me out of shape and is a likely main contributor as to why my exes have all ended up in bed with other women. I accept that unless I get in shape, I’ll never be able to attract and satisfy anyone long-term. I also assume that it’s part of why I can’t secure any auditions, not that I’m allowing myself to consider that career path anymore.

Knowing I can’t afford to splurge on a gym membership until I get a more sustainable income I opt to just run. My mind keeps running in time with my legs (or maybe even faster). I try to remember when I first became so inactive. As a child and teenager I was always outside moving around, whether it was tending to or riding my horse, or hiking, I was always doing something active. I figure it was probably London that did it. I’d sold my horse to pay for the plane tickets and to help us get set up with an apartment. That had left me depressed for a while, in truth I still miss that beautiful snow-white mare even now. Then, there hadn’t been many opportunities to hike and none to ride in London, so I entered a state of stasis. I walked when and where I could, but the gloomy weather made even that difficult.

Then after the shit hit the fan the first time and I moved home, I was so depressed I barely left my parent’s house for months. That resulted in evenmore stasis, until they forced me to get a job. My dad had a friend that owned a bar and he'd managed to talk my way into a job there working the quieter weeknights. That had gotten me back on my feet, but it wasn’t quite the activity I was used to. Ten months later I moved to New York with a Wednesday regular that talked his way into my pants and subsequently my heart. 

A fresh start, so I thought, but it ended up being evenmore stasis. New York wasn’t much different to London; a bustling city with no hiking trails or decent outdoor spaces aside from Central Park. By the time that relationship faced an all too familiar demise I was left well and truly broken. Any hobbies I had were long forgotten. Though, I did have the pipe dream that Tyler had helped sprout after taking me to numerous broadway shows. So, not wanting to go back home to my parents again, I clung to that, even after countless rejections. 

Now, left with nothing but regrets and no clear path forward, I know I’m a hopeless mess. So, I do the only thing I can think of: run.

When I finally collapse on the couch, massaging my aching muscles, after another long closing shift, I force myself to continue browsing the local job boards. But as I’m scrolling, my phone rings and I accidentally answer too quickly before I can process who it is. But I recognise the deep, Texan accent immediately. “Hey Darlin’, you ok? I’ve left you like a hundred messages. I was about to book a flight to New York to do a wellness check,” he says with a dry chuckle.

Trying to act indifferent and uninterested – more to fool myself than him – I shake my head even though he can’t see me. “I’m fine. Just busy.” As I twist around on the couch trying to stretch out my tense muscles my eyes land on the box that I still haven’t sent back. I sigh. “Jensen, listen…”

His tone is more somber when he speaks again, cutting me off, “You changed your mind about us? I know it’s a lot, but I warned you that they would likely come out eventually. I tried to get my agent to get ahead of it, but the paparazzi are relentless. I’m so sorry. I get it if-”

I sit up straighter, paying more attention. I cut him off, “Wait! What are you talking about?”

“The photos from the cafe…the day we met. You didn’t know? Wait, but if that’s not why you’ve been avoiding me then what’s going on?”

Still in shock, I search his name on my laptop. My jaw drops along with my phone as the photos from that day pop up.

“Y/N? Y/N, please talk to me. I know it’s a lot, but please…I’m right here.”

I pick my phone back off my lap and bring it back up to my ear. In that moment I realise I have the perfect excuse, he’s giving me an out. I know this won’t go away and it could leave a blemish on both of our reputations, but if I break it off now it will just be a single meeting in a coffee shop. The whole thing would fade eventually, when they realise it’s nothing the paparazzi will move onto the piece of celeb gossip as would Jensen to the next female.

I put on my best facade and lean on my acting skills, despite promising I’d never use them on him. But again, this will be the last time I’ll ever speak to him, so what’s the harm. “I’m sorry, Jens, it’s just…it’s all too much. You might be used to this, but for me…this could be my career. I’ll never get a role without being labeled as sleeping my way into the business. Not to mention the hate from your fans. I just…I can’t.” He sighs and I could swear I heard him let out a sniffle as if he’s crying and my heart breaks. I almost take it all back, but I tell myself this is for the best. He’ll be better off without me; it never would’ve worked anyway. 

“I understand…” he says before going silent as if hiding his sniffles. After a few minutes he says, “I’m so sorry, Darlin’. You really are special, I did everything I could. I know it’s a big risk for you…”

“It was a risk for you too. But if we end it here no one has to know. I was just your barista…They’ll forget and so will you. It will be better this way.” I wipe away a tear as I hang up. I know I wouldn’t be able to stay strong if he tried to fight for me or comfort me, or take anymore blame, so I had to break free. With tears now streaming down my face I finally allow myself to read through all the messages he’d left over the past 48 hours. They start out normal and light hearted, wishing a good day and good night but they quickly take a serious turn. Since about 9am every message is a form of an apology or a beg for me to call him.

I then notice a message from Stella from the same time. Hers has a very different tone. There’s still the begs for me to call her, but her messages are all layered with excitement about how cute me and Jensen look together and how she can’t wait to meet him at the wedding. I want nothing more than to call her and let her tell me how much of an idiot I am and to let her convince me to call him back, apologise and work it out. But I don’t. I promised I wouldn’t be a distraction; wedding conversations only. As Nick pointed out, she has enough on her plate right now. She doesn’t need to fix my messes too. I’m an adult, it’s time to grow up.

As I stare at the photo the tears fall heavier. Feeling utterly heartbroken, and pathetic for feeling this way after such a short time I need comfort. I know it’s so much more than just the issue with Jensen; it’s Nick’s criticism, it’s not being able to call my best friend, it’s how little I’ve achieved so far, it’s the loneliness of my apartment, it’s the memories, it’s everything. Feeling the worst I’ve felt in years I do what may seem like the most childish thing – because I feel like a failed adult – and call my mother. 

“Hi Mom,” I say through tears. 

And like a true mother, she instantly knows something’s wrong. “Hey Sweetie, you want to talk about it?”

“Can I come home?”

“Oh, Sweetie. You know you’re always welcome to come home, but why don’t we talk about this first?”

“I’m a mess, and I’m so alone and I don’t know what to do. My life is going nowhere. I’m a failure.”

“You feel like…”

“What?”

“You feel like all those things. But in reality you’re far from any of that.”

“No, it’s true. I’m all alone. My best friend’s fiance doesn’t want me hanging around them anymore because I’m an unwelcome distraction. My job is going nowhere and I barely get paid enough to pay my bills, I’ve been turned down from every audition I’ve done all year, I flunked most of my classes…I got my picture all over the internet with a guy I like and then I pushed him away…I’m such a failure. And I miss Snowball…and you and dad. I need a hug.”

“Oh, Honey…you’re still so young, it will all work out. You’ve had a bad run is all. But you truly have done so much. You’ve lived overseas, you’re living all alone in New York and you’re paying your bills, you’re eating, you’re working and you’re helping plan a wedding. You really have done so much. You’re the furthest thing from a failure. Your father and I are so proud of you. As for Snowball, your father still goes down and tends for and exercises her a few days a week. He wouldn’t let that horse go so easy, she’s over on Uncle Liam’s ranch. He just didn’t want you to know because he wanted to see you work for what you wanted and maybe pay a little price…learn a lesson. You know how he is…”

“Snowy’s ok?”

“I’ll get him to send you some photos next time he visits the ranch. So, tell me about these photos and this boy? They’re not nudes are they?”

“No, God, no. I would never! He’s famous and came into Mamma Jo’s. I was serving him and the paparazzi took a photo of us. But since then we became close, talking almost daily. But, I’m such a mess, how could I date again? He’ll probably just cheat on me anyway…I’m not good enough for long-term relationships.”

“Those boys still in your head? Not all men will be like that, and again, that wasn’t your fault.”

“It happened twice, with two different guys…how could I possibly believe it wasn’t because of me?”

“Because it just wasn’t. They didn’t know the gem they pushed away. You didn’t deserve what they did, but they never deserved you. But you and Trent were so young, not that I’m defending him, and then I never liked that Tyler kid. For better or worse, you know the signs now. Hindsight is 20/20, my dear. So, if you like this new guy, famous or not, just watch for the red flags you missed last time. If he doesn’t love you like you deserve, that’s his loss. Don’t settle for less than you deserve, but don’t shut yourself off either,” she says, and then as if trying to lighten the mood and make me laugh she adds, “Your father and I would like grandchildren one day. But only if you have them with a man who treats you and them right.”

“Thanks, Mom,” I say, tears finally easing off.

“That’s what I’m here for, Dear. No matter how old you get or how much you grow, you’ll always be my little girl. And no matter how lonely you feel, you’re never alone. And as much as we would love to see you, I know your life is where you are, right now. Don’t come home just yet. When the time is right we’ll even book your flights, but right now you need to stay where you are.”

“Ok…I’ll stay…”

“You’ll get through this, Sweetie. You always do. But until you do, I’m only ever a phone call away.”

“I know…Thanks, Mom. By the way, Mom, this guy…He’s from Texas…”

“That’s great, Dear, but I care much more about how he treats you.”

“I know…He treats me right, I think I hurt him more than he hurt me tonight. I need to call him back and explain.”

“Alright, Sweetie. I love you.”

“I love you, Mom. Good night.”

I hang up and go to the kitchen to clean my face. If I’m going to attempt to fix things with Jensen, I need to compose myself. Though, I wouldn’t blame him if he doesn’t pick up. After filling a glass with water I take it back to the couch, but before I sit down you stare at the box in the corner by the door. Still feeling unsure, despite my mother’s encouragement, and not knowing what I could even say to Jensen to begin to explain myself, I opt to start with a promise I made days ago instead. I bring the box back to the couch, rip off the tape and pull out the envelope. I start to read through the paperwork, determined to finally sign it.

I get through about a page and a half before the technical, legal jargon starts to jumble together. I find it harder to focus or keep my eyes open. I lie down to get into a more comfortable reading position, but it doesn’t take long for my eyes to droop closed.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Taglist: @stoneyggirl2 @hobby27, @n-o-p-e-never, @deansimpalababy

[shineemoon]

SHINee ✨ CLASH Magazine (August 2023) FULL Interview → HERE

As humans we’re constantly evolving; how have the members’ identities shifted since the release of ‘Don’t Call Me’ (2021), and how is this change reflected on ‘Hard’? KEY: After ‘Don’t Call Me’, I’ve personally gained more confidence, and had the opportunity to experience many new things. With that said, I feel honoured and grateful to have received even more love. TAEMIN: I decided to give myself a break and not to be so hard on myself. I wanted to focus more on the feelings of happiness and the positive energy that people give me from recognizing my work instead of contemplating what I’m lacking and overanalyzing my shortcomings. And because I was able to take a different approach and attitude toward this album, I was able to enjoy this promotion and feel more comfortable. MINHO: I feel that we took another step forward through ‘Don’t Call Me’ and also showcased a new side to SHINee with our eighth full-length album. I do want to express that we haven’t changed after ‘Don’t Call Me’ – I’d word it that we’re continuously growing and evolving.

I watched videos taken from the latest concert – SHINee World VI – and could hear how much fans enjoyed your older tracks and watching you enjoy performing them. Recently, On MBC World’s I Live Alone, however, Key was looking back on the difficulties of performing such songs as four members, and I wondered when that feeling began to ease and the members grew to love performing their classics again. ALL: Being SHINee allows us to share our past, present, and future vision together. Although it’s not always easy, we hope that those who watch our performances never feel a gap or emptiness. The unwavering support and love from our fans have been instrumental in helping us recover and strengthen our bond with them. We’re truly grateful and fortunate, and always genuinely wish for our voices to reach the skies and the heavens when we sing.

The words ‘icons’ and ‘legends’ get thrown around too easily these days but SHINee really are both. Does it seem real for you, especially as you’re still an active, progressive group? Do you ever consider the band’s legacy and what you’d like that, ultimately, to be? KEY: I believe that we’re currently shaping SHINee ourselves. I feel that it wasn’t wrong for us to try to create and shape our own path and, actually, I’m curious about where this journey will lead us to in the end. MINHO: Rather than focusing on a specific end goal, we’ll always strive to fill our days with happiness alongside our members, staff, and our beloved fans. But I’m always grateful for the compliments we receive, and although it may feel challenging to live up to those descriptors, we’ll make it happen. TAEMIN: One of my juniors once said to me, ‘I feel like idols’ careers are extending because you continue to be active. Thank you.’ Hearing those words made me feel proud because it seems like we’re pioneering something, and when I see friends who consider me as their role model, it also helps me release all the built-up stress inside of me. Because of that, I feel a sense of motivation, I want to work even harder to inspire people, and I hope SHINee will be remembered as a group that continues to shine and remains in people’s hearts for generations to come.

[awesomesauce2929]

/All my thoughts go to headcanons, my head is empty until a new idea comes along lmao/ I think angels need eyes as visual sensory, to study what's going on around them? A little idea and headcanon!

Awamo was born/(appeared at creation) blind. It's not just a disability for blindness or poor eyesight. He has no eyes at all.

(I mean regardless of the representation of angel appearances - our silly headcanons on the angel tree, or where Daishinkan used some of his energy)

The Daishinkan can look and be as the chief curator and overseer of new offspring, keeping track of weak underdeveloped “hatchlings” incapable of survival, and using their little fires of energy to try to create a new one or to distribute the energy Ki received among the children already born. Supreme angel is not ceremonious. Awamo's problem became clear quickly, but since he was not in the category of defective offspring, having shown his high survival rate even without sight, he was left behind

Cosmic divine angels are strange cryptid eldritch, their many eyes appearing on their bodies, and appearing around them. The angels are capable of their physical form changes. Awamo is also capable of shape shifting, but he has no sensory organs of the visual system. All those eyes that appear around him are nothing more than a scary distraction and a little decorative crap he found somewhere.

But his other senses are heightened, hearing, sensory processing, smell, telepathy. He may have developed a prevision of the future (I don't know how that would work). Also, during his training he hones his superhuman perception of what's going on. It could be thought of as akin to echolocation or something with a different name, where Avamo spreads his energy field and KI to “see” people in front of him, but as a constantly moving stranger ball of KI. And I'm not sure, if the siblings are using telepathy to throw him images and pictures of the world going on, whether Awamo would be able to recognize and see it well.

Since Awamo doesn't need eyes, he didn't create a face on his humanoid shell, communicating telepathically with the gods and his family. But he did create the shape of a face when Ivan asked him to, not yet accustomed to the uncanny appearance of an angel.

Angels are like a great mechanism built into the essence and structure of the universe, designed to train the gods of destruction and fulfill their role well. Why would they see anything else but that?

Hi there 💖 this headcanon is already canon to me and it's brilliant, I genuinely do see this for Awamo and how it impacted who he is and in general. I am going to breakdown the ask to expand some of these already great ideas further with few headcanons/theories of mine. This may includes other angels as well the main focus is still on Awamo-chan 🩷 Ah, before going in this post, this post will contain references to stillborn, neonatal deaths and child losses. Be cautious of that when reading this, I will put an read more feature just before that to prevent being read by accident. "All my thoughts go to headcanons my head is empty until a new idea come along" - This is a mood, that is also me when mind empty after having an idea/concept explored. Perhaps the ideas themselves are send by the Grand Priest via telepathy, we rest until next time the Grand Priest or the angels or maybe Zeno himself send us a signal (headcanon) hehe 😂

"as visual sensory" - I see that being the reason why the angels have eyes to see as well as to distinguish objects created by deities and mortals alike and to enhance their perception of the universe which aids in their judgement/guidance much more. Fun fact, having eyes are useful to identify colours e.g in food to avoid or in Whis and Vados' case to accept and try the food. Those eyes helped them to find delicious food via the visual aspect. However with Awamo, like most angels don't eat that much since angels don't need to eat food to survive, but he do sometimes enjoy good food via his enhanced smell.

"keeping track of weak under-developed "hatchlings" incapable of survival" - there are some offspring unfortunately did not survive or thrive during their development despite Daishinkan's efforts because he wants them to live but circumstances were not in his favor. I like to think whilst this was a regular occurrence with creations of the earlier angels, it became less common in the present day likely due to less angels being created/born in the modern day. Even so, it was difficult for him to witness every time it happened. He keeps his grief in, especially when he send them off by destroying their body but he took their ki/energy to try again and to see this time the ki/energy will become a life angel (reincarnation). Or like you said, to distribute the energy to his kids as a gift as that ki do live on through his kids. This is where his sensitivity towards his kids and their survival begins to develop due to these tragedies and him being glad his kids are there thriving, being happy and doing well in their progress. He became more invested in them until they are capable in their own roles but even so, he would support them and protect them in spite his reversed self. He never told the angels about the loss of their short lived siblings because he sees no point to upset his children with this, they don't see the offspring process, it is done in private by only the Daishinkan. Maybe Zeno or the older three angels (Cus, Martinne and Mojito) have some idea but they keep it to themselves.

"Having shown his high survival rate even without sight" -Daishinkan saw Awamo's will and potential to survive and at the time his son was different from his already living angels, he is wiling to learn about his son and will make sure his needs and his training will be adjusted and fulfilled, making sure he won't fall behind and be able to fulfil his own potential as a guide angel. Daishinkan will halt the offsprings creation for now to make sure his angels treat with Awamo with respect and civility and Awamo will do the same vice versa, when everything is settled, Daishinkan will resume it. Daishinkan and the other angels who was responsible for Awamo's nurturing did learn from Awamo like how Awamo learned from them as well as avoiding making mistakes they did with Awamo with the future angels with similar conditions. There are few angels who can't hear, can't sense ki, can't make a noise/speak, limited sight, can't do telepathy, can't shapeshift or having more than one conditions. There is an angel who can see only one colour with all of the shades of that colour but Awamo is the only angel that have no sight/no eyes.

"their many eyes appearing on their bodies" - Their forms of many eyes, brilliant, making their mark on the subconcious of mortals and deities and outstanding in their own right. I agree that for Awamo, his eyes are jewellry, something to decorate himself and his appearence. Also yes, I agree with the angels and shapeshifting, could you imagine how many forms they have and could have, countless right? Awamo once thought to remove those eyes as they serve no functional purpose but he did change his mind when he touched his eyes and gave him sensory pleasure.

"telepathy to throw him images" - This makes me think about the angels using their staff to show Awamo the images and vision they want to share, often forgetting that Awamo can't process the images at all. Awamo smiles, waiting for them to realise it and when they do, Awamo do teases it but asks for a description about the image not spoling his sibling's excitement.

In a way, Awamo having a humanoid face it is like he is wearing a mask for Ivan's comfort which he does not mind to do because the Universe needs Ivan to do his duty well and he can't if he is scared of Awamo all of the time. But when Ivan sleeps, Awamo can relax and remove his face until Iwan wakes up. Anato don't mind Awamo's faceless form hence Awamo don't hide it and telepathically communicate with his supreme kai.

That quote is perfection, that is perfect for Awamo. I could hear it in his hypothetically voice, perhaps it is he who telepathically communicate this.

Because this post is getting long, I decided to split this post and make the other post later on with the additions and the other things I missed for example the echolocation which I explore in the additions post.

[tastesoftamriel]

Greeting dear Talviel! I was wondering if you have any recommendations for werewolf friendly cuisine. A lycanthropic friend of mine suffers from an awful lot of bleed over effects particularly around food, so onions, garlic, avocados, raisins & grapes, and mushrooms are out. And while I know my compatriot would be content with a simple steak or fish, I also would like to be able to ensure they're able to enjoy some wider flavor expierences as well

I was commissioned to write a tome on werewolf cuisine some time ago. As this was privately commissioned, I can only provide excerpts, provided below.

'Werewolves are equally respected and reviled across Tamriel, and are associated with the Daedric Prince Hircine. Contrary to popular belief, older werewolves are perfectly sentient and in control upon shifting form. While clumsy paws deter shifted werewolves from activities as complex as cooking, many werewolves across Tamriel incorporate food into their transformation rituals. The reason I call them rituals is that, to some, transformation is a sacred gift from Hircine, and it is a precious time to commune with the Daedric Prince whilst enjoying the freedom of taking wolf form. 

Transforming is, rather than being a curse, a cause for celebration, and the preparation and consumption of offerings both to fellow wolf-kin as well as the Lord of the Hunt has become standard practice by proud werewolves around Tamriel. These food offerings give us a glimpse into the werewolf psyche; what food we consume is indicative of what we value and what nourishes us both physically and spiritually.'

'The following dishes are a selection of personal favourites belonging to many werewolves of every race across Tamriel. These dishes are consumed before, during, or after shape-shifting, and reflect the richness and variety of Tamrielic cuisine whilst being unique to werewolves and followers of Hircine.

Venison-and-rabbit steak tartare: With whole raw goose egg

Grilled cow’s heart and tongue: Sliced thinly, and served medium-rare with blood jus dipping sauce

Juniper hare stew: With red wine and herbs

Beef carpaccio: With capers and wild honey

Gryphon steak: With Cloudrest-style béarnaise sauce

Riverhold coconut-grilled surf and turf: With moon sugar chili dipping sauce

Guar mince gratin: With spiced scuttle and guar blood sauce

Veal saltimbocca: With Cyrodiilic cured ham and wine

Ancient Falinesti timber mammoth meatballs: With meat gravy'

[localpopenjoyer]

waddles over here:] fic under cut 💛

They are (were?) the shifting sea, and the infinite skies above it. It was peaceful, an infinite rest as the world whirled and changed around them.

And then they opened their eyes, or at least, what could be called their eyes.

It was new, strange, but not exactly unwanted.

At first the world was as blurry as the depths of themself, a blur of colors that mix with no apparent difference in each other.

Was it the depths though? What could be considered the depths of what they were? All of the infinitely vast areas of their being, were all equally deep.

But that doesn’t matter for now, the colors around them were starting to finally take shape into something more geometric. Browns, greys, and blacks are the first known colors they see.

Blue, with pink and yellow.

Whatever this was, it looked.. wrong. It stumbled out of the container and fell to its.. something. They didn’t know what it fell to, they will in due time though.

It slowly got up, loosing its balance many times. The black that coated its form was quickly being replaced by more blues and pinks. The pink and yellow butterfly on its head reminded them of the butterflies that used to inhabit them, just not as vibrant as it is. It seems big enough to carry the blue creature up, except, just like this thing, it was wrong. It wasn’t a butterfly, but they didn’t have any other word for it.

There were two other entities in front of it. They recognized that species, many of their kind enjoyed to go into their many depths and heights. Why did one of them have the same black as it did?

The more colorful one walked closer to it. Giving it a limb to hold onto, which it held onto like it’s being depended on it. Like it would perish if not. Its form shifted and seemed unstable, the blues didn’t reflect in the artificial suns above it, what was this thing?

It took a while, but its form stopped shifting.

The entity with the black on their limb finally started to make noise, the thing was called “Poppy” which it responded to, looking up at them and tilting its head.

The pink and yellow butterfly fell off, and the colorful entity made a noise that was quickly called “laughter”, whatever it was, it did seem “happy”. They remember hearing it the most near the sandy areas near their being.

The artificial suns flicker, and it doesn’t seem like all of them are aflame. Poppy covers her face (they’re also learning that the entities seem to be useful for information! yet they do not have a voice to speak, nor a mouth to make any meaningful sounds for communication.)

Poppy is taken away to another room, and they are forced to follow.

This room is more colorful then the last one, the floor has wood, which isn’t warped from years in them. Where are they?

Why are they here?

Poppy stays close to the border of this area, leaning on it as she tries to move. She isn’t doing it very successfully, stumbling and occasionally falling. But she is learning quick.

The colorful entity that calls himself “Arthur” keeps giving her encouragement, which is helping her greatly. “Delilah” hasn’t said much, she’s just.. beholding it all. They’ve always enjoyed being beheld. To be watched in their fullness, but not to be understood.

Who could understand their entire being? To fully understand infinity would bring one to madness. So simple watching will do.

She is able to run now. She runs around the two entities, and sprints into one of the borders. Her form becomes more like they are, and the black is back. It leaves a mark on the wall as she slides down it.

When she reforms, she rubs her head, and stumbles away from the boarder.

They thought it was a clear answer to not do that, but.. Fish occasionally do that too. While it isn’t the smartest, fish aren’t that smart.

The entities take poppy to another place, this place has so much noise. A lot of the noise seems “happy”, like a school of fish. Except with less thought of any danger they all may be in.

“This is Poppy.” “Delilah” says. “A new friend.”

‘Poppy waves to the others, smiling her biggest smile so far, and tries to run to them. Getting stopped by the woman, she yelps. Not expecting that reaction.’ The sounds of waves and a light breeze fills Poppy’s ears, or at least whatever she has that is adjacent to ears. ‘Weird! She thought, as she struggles to escape Delilah’s grasp.’ She will continue to hear the sounds of rushing wind and the thousands of waves that go through in a day, for the rest of her existence.

And then it will be free to rest again.

But for now? It must speak, or however it makes sounds to a small bubble thousands of miles away from the sea, and many miles underneath the infinite sky.

[elennalore]

Loki associations in Tolkien's legendarium, part 3

[Part 1: Preface]

[Part 2: The Bound God: Loki’s similarities with Melkor]

The final part is here:

The Cunning God: Loki’s similarities with Mairon

Again, this post includes personal and fannish interpretations on the characters.

Mairon, like Loki, has many names. He is known as Gorthaur, Annatar, the Necromancer, and of course, Sauron. His original name Mairon means the Admirable One, either because of his good looks or his excellent skills in crafting and making. In Prose Edda, Loki is also described as pleasing and handsome in appearance. His cunning nature and an ability to create tricks for every purpose are also noted. Both Mairon and Loki are clever beings who offer their help to others – for a variety of motives. Both of them are willing and able to construct an elaborate plot to get what they want.

Early in the history of Arda, Mairon left the home of the Ainur and joined forces with Melkor who had already become the enemy of the Valar. Loki stayed in Asgard longer and only during Ragnarök he joined the opposing forces. Mairon becomes the lieutenant of Melkor and fights for him in many wars of Middle-earth, whereas Loki takes fire giant Surtr’s side during Ragnarök and leads the army of jötunn (giants), monsters and the dead into battle.

Mairon doesn’t want to destroy Middle-earth, though. He wants to shape it according to his own ideas. Loki, too, enjoys wandering in Midgard, the realm of humans in Norse mythology, and in many tales, he helps its inhabitants to thrive. Only after a series of ill events he joins the destructive forces.

Both Mairon and Loki are often pictured as a good-looking male with flaming red hair, linked to the element fire. Loki’s transformational aspect is connected to a flame of a candle, or fire in a hearth. Mairon is linked to the creative fire of a forge.

Mairon and Loki are known shapeshifters; they can change their appearance at will or become different animals. Mairon is known to become a (were)wolf and a bat. Loki in lore has taken the shape of a fly, salmon, and a mare for example. Usually they both use shape-shifting as a means to an end. Mairon is able to fly as a bat. Loki can fly with his sky-walker shoes or by borrowing Freyja’s hawk-feather cloak. In the end, both of them lose their shape-shifting abilities. Mairon loses this ability partially after the fall of Númenor and totally after losing the One Ring. Loki is not able to transform himself anymore when the Æsir capture him and bind him underground.

Loki is not hesitant to change his gender or to use seduction as his weapon to achieve the wanted result. He happily dresses as a bridesmaid and plays the role 100% if the task needs it. As a mare, Loki seduces a magical stallion in order to prevent a disaster in Asgard. As a result, Loki becomes pregnant and gives birth to an eight-legged horse Sleipnir. It is hinted that this is not even the only time he gives birth. Mairon in fanon is also heavily genderfluid. There are fan fics where Mairon becomes pregnant and gives birth to a child with uncommon traits.

Both Mairon and Loki are described as sexually attractive and often using seduction. Loki is said to have slept with everyone in Asgard. In fanon, Mairon is most often shipped with Melkor or Celebrimbor, but also with various others, and seduction is often present at some point in his relationships.

Loki is a father of three monstrous children with his jötunn lover Angrboda. One of these is a giant wolf Fenrir. In the First Age, Mairon lived on an island called Tol-in-Gaurhoth, the Isle of Werewolves where he bred werewolves for his army. Sauron’s messenger Thuringwethil (“woman of secret shadow”) who lives there reminds somewhat of Fenrir’s half-corpse sister Hel.

Loki is skilled in crafting; he is said to be the creator of the fishing net – a crucial invention in ancient times. His trademark is creating solutions to problems (which he may or may not have caused himself). He can also enhance the creativity of others. Spiritually he is often connected with creative fire. Many of the most valuable tools and weapons of the Æsir are courtesy of Loki. Loki’s interaction with the Svartálfar, the best smiths of the nine worlds, leads to the manufacture of those treasures – with some deception from Loki’s part. The Æsir are very happy with the end result, anyway, and Loki deserves a byname “Bringer of Gifts”.

Mairon, too, is extremely skilled in crafting and making. He’s connected to the forge fire. He used the name Annatar, “Lord of Gifts” while living with the Elven-smiths of Eregion and enforcing their creativity, inspiring them to create the Rings of Power – with some deception included.

As the Lord of the Rings, Mairon has a powerful rival in Gandalf who, like Mairon, is a Maia. Gandalf and Odin (especially in his wanderer aspect) share many characteristics, and Gandalf’s fight to end Sauron’s dominion is not far from Odin’s desperate efforts to prevent Ragnarök where Loki has a major role in the opposing side.

At first glance Loki’s trickster aspect is not prominent in Mairon's character, but I think we can see glimpses of it. Mairon is said to laugh at his own tricks, which is shown especially malevolently during the downfall of Númenor. However, it may be that by the Elf-smith Celebrimbor’s influence Mairon’s trickster traits become apparent. In my personal view, Celebrimbor enhances Mairon’s latent trickster attributes, which is sometimes seen in their fanon portrayals. I can imagine various pranks they must have made together. In Eregion, Mairon could have chosen a different path and evolved into a trickster figure, but sadly, it didn’t go like this in canon. Still, based on Mairon’s other similarities with Loki, I dare to think there is potential for a different story.

[infoglitch]

Deck-wired

“In the blood of those we have lost, and in the rage of the survivors, a Blodslöfte is made this day. In this oath you swear to bring change to the world. I grant thee the mask of a trickster, not to do good, not to do ill, but to make change. Go forth trickster, and bring about your Ragnarok”

Synopsis: 6 years ago mankind was introduced to the world of madness through the creatures called “Armagus”, beasts of insanity that are represented through their suit and rank. But with these beasts came other beings, elemental spirits of madness dubbed tricksters. Through these tricksters merging with the will of humans, a person can fight back against the Armagus and even capture.

Cast:

Alexander “Alex” Littleson

Age: 19

Sex: male

Alignment: Armagus hunter

codename: “Ax”

Trickster: Loki

Description: a Young man and fan of card games, Alex is commonly seen playing cards with anyone who's willing to sit with him- and willing to lose their Coins in his many betting games, but it's all in good fun as the coins he snatches are donated or given back if the poor soul got on Alex's good side. Alex is only technically a part time Armagus hunter due to his age, yet he is most commonly seen either at work in his private game shed or out hunting Armagus. But he does have one rule “if you cheat in my presence, I cheat you out of your existence”.

Loki

Trickster type: malignant

Trickster ability manifestation: poker chips of varying colors (red, black, green, blue, and yellow)

Ability: “bag of mischief”. Loki manifests a sack of 54 poker chips of varying colors, with each representing a different ”trick” he can pull over an Armagus. (Red, flames, Blue, teleportation with a 10 mile radius, Green, shape-shifting though it depends on the animal depicted on the chip, Yellow, a rail cannon in which a burst of lightning travels between the amount of chips used, with it getting stronger the more yellow chips used, and finally, black summoning his legendary weapon, Lævateinn, which has the ability to mimic any of his other chips five times before the black chip is used up)

Description: Loki can be described in one word, cocky. He is extremely assured of himself almost all of the time and the same extends to his trust in Alex, though the two do bicker, mostly on if it's important to be more entertaining in battle or more effective, Loki always has Alex's back, however that does not stop Loki from being arrogant and outright selfish, sometimes changing the types of chips Alex has mid battle just because he feels like it or because they disagreed. However Loki does hold one thing dear, children, he holds an outrageous care for the young and will sometimes drag Alex to perform magic tricks for the orphans in centers they donate to.

Madison “Maddie” Hattertin

Age: 20

Sex: female

Alignment: Armagus hunter

Codename: “hat trick”

Trickster: Robin hood

Description: an oddity of a girl, always cackling and coming up with jokes that make no sense yet she finds hilarious, she is a fan of all things magic show, often watching whenever a magician performs, she knows it's fake but she enjoys the wonder it provides, she also attends a hospital as a volunteer to help make the days of those in there a little brighter. However if there is one thing she hates it's when someone cheats others out of what they are owed.

Robin hood

Trickster type: benevolent

Trickster ability manifestation: a winged hat that seems to be able to hold anything

Ability: “hoodwink”. Robin can take off his hat which holds his “quiver” a pocket dimension that he can pull anything off, with the most common being a crossbow and arrows, but his best items are his sack of coins, which when thrown can summon a variety of arrows to attack the opponent, or simply just be coins that when picked up bring good fortune to whoever holds it which lasts 24 hours

Description: Robin is the textbook definition of heroic, always wanting to help others and defend the weak, he also always loves to pickpocket people he personally thinks are greedy, however Maddie winds up scolding him if she finds out. Robin acts as Maddie's “heroic moral compass” pushing her to do good things and help those who need it.

Addison “addy” Rhodes

Age: 18

Sex: female

Alignment: Unaffiliated though seems to be connected to a organization called “the cloak”

Codename: “Scarlett”

Tricksters: Cendrill and Fenrir

Description: a young woman who hunts Armagus, but instead of capturing them she completely kills them, she only appears when there is a massive disturbance of Armagus. She rarely speaks but seems to hold a deep hatred for the guild. She is so far the only registered user of two different tricksters.. debatably

Cendrill

Trickster type: benevolent

Trickster ability manifestation: shards of glass

Ability: “grand performance”. Cendrill summons a variety glass shards that act as portals, she can traverse through them with ease as well as use them for cutting and slicing attacks, with her ultimate move being to gather all her glass shards together and form them into a giant glass slipper which she brings down on her opponent.

Description: the restrained trickster and the one which addy calls on the most, she acts dignified and presents the perfect image of herself, but in combat she is sadistic, taking pleasure from ripping apart her opponents, however there is still an inherent kindness in her, as shown by how she acts with Fenrir, addy, and the innocent, speaking kindly and being in general extremely helpful to those she cares for.

Fenrir

Trickster type: malignant

Trickster ability manifestation: Fenrir himself

Ability: “wolf of ragnarok”. Fenrir manifests itself as a black flaming wolf, which has the ability of tearing through anything with its teeth and claws, as well as releasing a blazing howl that incinerates whatever hears it and is deemed and enemy, this ability can also traverse through portals, such as Cendrills glass shards

Description: the “son” of Loki and the beast always seen walking with addy, he is extremely loyal to his partner and extremely affectionate to Cendrill and Loki. Fenrir, despite being malignant, is extremely kind to those it views as benevolent, and it will fight fervently for those it cares for. It is always seen by Addison's side and will act like a tamed dog with her. Much like his father Fenrir adores the young and will defend them fiercely.

Jackson “Jack” Don Quixote

Age: 19

Sex: male

Alignment: ex-armagus hunter / commander of “the cloak”

Codename: “Noble knight”

Trickster: Tyr 

Description: a young man and a person who Alex respects more than anyone else. Jackson is a man built on principles who defends as many people as he can. He is what Alex would consider “a true hunter”. Jackson tends to consider the lives of others before his own, which has earned him the respect of many hunters, even despite his allegiance to the cloak, it has also unknowingly earned him the affection of Addison. Jackson is a good man however the knave is nothing to the king, for even in the cloak there lies corruption.

Tyr

Trickster type: benevolent

Trickster ability manifestations: a deck of cards each with a unique suit (Cups, Swords, Coins, and Wands)

Ability: “master of war”. Tyr summons a deck of 56 cards each with a unique suit that grants different effects. Swords allow Tyr to summon a saber that can summon up whirl winds that can slash an opponent from all angles. Cups let's Tyr summon a chalice filled with Ale that when drunk rejuvenates the person who consumed the Ale. Coins allow Tyr to summon up tokens that let the user teleport to wherever another coin has been placed. Finally wands allow Tyr to conjure fire that can be used to strike from long range, or to coat a weapon to deal extra damage. Tyr however has one final trump card called “Acrana manifest” in which Tyr uses a card called “the fool” which when used summons Tyrs most prized weapon “Justicar” a legendary blade that nullifies all other abilities of both the user and the opponent in exchange for a major boost.

Description: If there is one trickster that Loki Hates, it is Tyr, these two have hated one another longer than they care to admit. Tyr is steadfast and honorable while he views Loki as a nuisance and as a threat to justice. Meanwhile Loki considers Tyr a “self righteous prank stealing imbecile” as Tyr tends to act with what is just in mind and tends to get in Loki's way. Tyr cares deeply for Jackson wanting to ensure the boy's morals are never crushed and that the boy can truly be a righteous hero. However the is not above the human emotion of anger as Tyr constantly tries to warn Jackson about Alex and how “that cheating gambler” is going to get more people hurt, meanwhile Jackson actively defends Alex and sees the good in him and tries to bring that good out.

Albin hopper

Age: 25

Sex: male

Alignment: Armagus hunter/messenger of “the smiling cat”

Codename: “hopscotch”

Trickster: Hermes

Description: while not a full member of the armagus hunters guild, Albin is a benefactor. However he is most curiously not human, he is a rare breed of Armagus which gained its sanity. Albin is a rabbit of the heart suit and is rarely seen, due to either him being extremely quick on his feet.. or being so late he misses the possibility of people seeing him. He is also interesting as he is the only Armagus to ever gain a trickster… though it's most likely that his trickster is just a form he takes in battle given he and his trickster are never seen together. He serves a being who apparently wishes to aid humanity in its fight against the Armagus who Albin simply calls “the smiling cat”. But most curiously, his surprising friendship with Alex, as the latter encourages Albin to be more bold but in a more tender way than most.

Hermes

Trickster type: prankster

Trickster ability manifestation: feather's.

Ability: “trismegistus”. When Hermes is active he pulls feathers from his boots, these feathers can become weapons or even be used to summon winds that obey Hermes command. Hermes also can revitalize his allies and even has the ability of curing illnesses and bouts of insanity. Yet there is one ability Hermes has that is the most deadly, a move he calls “magic made manifest” in which his wings grow to incredible size as he runs the very air summoning a cyclone upon his foes.

Description: Hermes is a complete opposite of Albin, where Albin is timid and nervous Hermes is joyful and always cracking jokes. He is confidence in carnate, as all he wishes to bring is entertainment and to have fun in battle. While never seen interacting with Albin, Hermes does not shy away from talking about how annoying it is that Albin is so cowardly, yet Hermes never abandons albin.. how curious.

“Harline” the Ace of hearts

Age: 21

Sex: female

Alignment: Armagus hunter / negotiator of “the smiling cat”

Trickster: Medea

Description: the first of the aces and another Armagus who gain her sanity, she is always somehow 10 steps ahead of others, and while not extremely flirtatious, she does definitely take some time to enjoy herself. She Is the most closed off of the aces, however she is deeply loyal to the people she considers family

Medea

Trickster type: neutral

Trickster ability manifestation: goblets of flames and sacrificial daggers

Ability: “megistis prominence”. Medea uses her flames to create walls of fire and light darkness, as well as in general dealing burning damage to her victims, she can also summon daggers that can chop apart the opponents will to fight, or even chop up the opponent and yet leave them alive. She can perform a healing ritual by enveloping the target in fire before piercing them through the heart with her daggers, somehow healing and reinvigorating her target

Description: Medea is the kindness that Harline needs and gives, while Medea cares little for others she does not find interesting, she cares deeply for Harline, protecting her as hard as she can.

“Carmen” the Ace of clubs

Age: 6 ½

Sex: male

Alignment: apprentice for “the smiling cat”

Trickster: Pan the satyr

Description: Carmen is the second of the aces and the last of the armagus who have currently gained sanity. Carmen is a kind boy, looking at the world with tenderness and warmth that only a child could. He has deep trust of Albin, even riding albins back when they are allowed to roam. Carmen doesn't fully understand why Armagus and humans can't understand each other, but he does feel a grave sadness whenever an Armagus is slain.

Pan the satyr

Trickster type: prankster

Trickster ability manifestation: panflute

Ability: “Panflute panik”. Pan summons a pan flute before playing it, playing songs of healing, invigorating, or even panic that elicit the emotions inside his opponents, he can also summon reeds that play his songs in a 10 mile radius.

Description: pan is the epitome of harmless trickery, always joking and playing his tunes for Carmen, but beneath it lies a terrifying will, a will that seeks nothing more than to incite panic in those that anger pan, and hurt Carmen. However many may rest easy as it is very difficult to find anyone who would wish ill will on carmen, and pan is far too laid back to ever be malicious.. despite how much Hermes tends to prank pan.

“Clayton” the Ace of spades

Age: 40

Sex: male

Alignment: Armagus hunter / fist of “the smiling cat”

Trickster: Herakles

Description: the eldest of the aces and the most powerful in physical might, he is the one who first gained his sanity and when he did he led a rampage against his kin, summoning his trickster in a matter of seconds. However as he aged he grew both kindness and confidence, confidence in his own strength, and that strength being the same kind he used to protect those around him, he is old but his confident, perhaps arrogant at times, it is through his tenderness to carmen though in which the real him shows, but he still holds that same rage, that same beast who ripped through hundreds of Armagus when first awakened.

Herakles

Trickster type: benevolent

Trickster ability manifestation: a cloak made of lions pelt

Ability: “Herculean lionheart”. Herakles embews his might into his user or others of the users choice, allowing the wielder to perform feats of strength as well as call upon the soul of the nemean lion, which fights alongside the user and Herakles, the ultimate move of Herakles ability is dubbed “lionheart claw” in which the user or Herakles channels their might and will into their fist before dealing a devastating strike.

Description: a charming muscular fellow who despite his raw power has the heart of a teddy bear, he is extremely kind to all those he meets and seems to get along with everyone, even Loki.

“Maria” the Ace of diamonds

Age: 25

Sex: female

Alignment: Armagus hunter / envoy of “the smiling cat”

Trickster: Demeter

Description: the most kind of the aces, while her emotions are all over the place sometimes she has the resounding emotion of empathy, which was the most overpowering emotion she felt when she first gained sanity as an Armagus. She is almost maternal to the other aces and even to the others around her, creating an air of peace when in her presence. However all the aces fear her when she is enraged, for she is the most terrifying of them all, even more terrifying than Clayton.

Demeter

Trickster type: neutral

Trickster ability manifestation: gems that take the form of either flowers or snowflakes

Ability: “the cycle”. Demeter summons gems with there being two types, each having a unique effect. Gems that take the shape of flowers offer medical aid, healing the target and ensuring they are at full capacity, meanwhile the snowflakes deal damage and summon ice, freezing her victims in place to face her wrath.

Description: an equally maternal trickster, she holds care for all life and is the only trickster that everyone unanimously likes, but her anger is less than desirable to be brought against, she can instill the fear of mother nature into anyone, so it is best to avoid enraging her.

The smiling cat

Age: 100,230

Sex: unknown (always flipping between male or female, no one knows why)

Alignment: unknown

Trickster: N/A

Description: the supposed endorser of humanity's survival against the Armagus, he appears to few who have gained their trickster, she offers them rewards based on the value of the armagus captured, they seem to only be a benefactor of the armagus hunters guild sheerly because they are the ones fighting against the monsters. Perhaps he only cares about humanity surviving, but she does not care for how it is done. They use Albin as his messenger to send her warnings to humanity. They sometimes speak of the “collective madness” that bore the armagus, and how it connects to humans and tricksters alike. Curiouser, and curiouser.

Monsters:

The creatures called Armagus are mysterious, they take many shapes and forms with their power being measured by rank, however it seems that each suit has its own head Armagus.

These are how Armagus are categorized

Suits:

Spades: these are commonly more knightly in appearance in terms of Armagus, however the higher in rank the more beastly they become, with the most common beastly trait being that of wolves, their head is the Rank king which is referred to as “king regulus”. The spade Armagus are ferocious and are known for appearing one at a time, with the only time they appear in packs being when they are traveling with their king.

Hearts: these creatures are more insectoid in appearance, with the higher ranking ones being able to fly while the lower rank are more like foot soldiers. Their head is their queen, queen Mary, who is as ruthless as she is cunning. The heart suit Armagus are known for fighting in hordes and their poison that tends to “break the opponents heart” which causes the victim to lose all fighting will, before the creatures take the victims head.

Clubs: these are the brutes of the armagus, taking the appearance of demonic creatures, with green skin and horns protruding from their head and knuckles. These beasts can summon bone weapons to use in combat, and their head is the Rank jack or “Jack breaker” who is brutal in his attacks, as he leads the club Armagus in an army to destroy everything.

Diamonds: these Armagus are commonly amalgams of treasure and coins, using their body's made of riches to lure and kill their victims. Their heads are the Rank King and Queen “the monarchs” who lead the diamond Armagus into stealing the wealth of humans and taking all that they view as valuable.

Ranks: the rank system is based on the might of each Armagus with Ace being the lowest and the king, queen, and jack being the most powerful.

Jokers: the most dangerous of the armagus as they fall outside of the rank and suit system, they are anomalies and there has only been two of them, with each bringing ruin and madness wherever they go, breaking the laws of reality as they see fit. These Armagus are to be considered “kill on sight” due to the damage they can deal.

These creatures listed as jokers are as follows.

The vorpal knight: a strange being bearing armor in the style of the spade Armagus but forged from the exoskeletons of the hearts Armagus, this being bears a hilt and guard made from the gold and jewels of the diamond Armagus but it's blade is of the bones from the club Armagus. It is said this Armagus’s power is found in its blade, as it bears the ability to slice through anything, even the fabric of reality, leading to the collective madness. It is said that the knight is the only case in which it holds a grudge against another Armagus, the second joker. Yet above all, it is respected if not adored by all Armagus, sane or insane, with even the cat calling it a true hero

The Jabberwock: a draconic beast, constantly babbling and causing madness to those who hear it. It seems to constantly try to comprehend something through its babbling. This beast is violent and will fight whatever gets in its way, using lightning, claw, fang and tail to kill its opposition. As such all other Armagus fear it, however there is one which the jabberwock truly hates, the vorpal knight, it is said that whenever they meet they cause destruction throughout, fighting with claw against sword, lightning against metal. All in vain hope that one will kill the other, they have hated one another for so long they have forgotten why they fight.

Discussion:

While Armagus are born from madness, there seems to be a point where they all emerge, the “collective madness”

This nebulous space as said by the smiling cat and Albin, is a place born from humanity's stray thoughts, the thoughts that don't make sense, and the confusion humanity finds itself in, these all combine together to create the Collective madness, a place of nonsense but unlimited power.

Due to the fact it is a collection of the impossible, the nonsensical, and the confusing this world has been dubbed- by the residents a.k.a. the armagus and the residents like the smiling cat- “Wonderland” named after the fictional world of Lewis Carroll's “Alice in wonderland”.

So far the recorded life of wonderland is the armagus and creatures like the smiling cat- who claim to not be Armagus but instead something else. The latter species is unknown as the only example is the smiling cat, what can be inferred is that these beings called “Illuminigmas” can change their shape, gender, and even consciousness, all of which break the laws of physics.

However the most interesting thing is the armagus, and their connection to tricksters. While tricksters are said to be “elemental spirits of madness” it is most likely they are the armagus but given cognition, aka sanity, as seen with albin who once gaining their sanity claimed to be able to connect with tricksters, though he claims that his trickster is separate from him.

Armagus are currently theorized by the guild to be representative of the untamed sides of humans, while the tricksters are possibly what happens when that madness is given purpose, direction and sanity, but the guild is currently unaware why tricksters unlike the armagus are not attacking humans. While they do have sanity from what the guild can assume that shouldn't stop the aggression shown by the armagus.

The guild could learn much of the inhabitants of wonderland, however it is EXTREMELY difficult to, as tricksters can only communicate with their hosts and other trickster hosts. As well as albin and the smiling cat refusing to be completely open with the guild.

Add that with groups such as the cloak and the order of Oz, much research on Armagus, tricksters, and Illuminigma have either been halted in progress or lost.

Organizations

Speaking of groups, perhaps it is best to talk about the organizations that formed in this new world.

First there is the Armagus hunters guild (the AHG), an organization born by the survivors of the first attack by the Armagus. These survivors had yet to discover the existence of tricksters and so only fought using basic weapons such as guns and swords, however those weapons would later be very ineffective due to the sheer power and resistance of an Armagus. When the first hunter to discover and merge with a trickster, the guild quickly changed to accommodate the tricksters and their user, and that was also when they discovered Armagus can be captured in playing cards. With this the guild quickly became the go to place when requesting the hunting of an Armagus, as well as the eventual research of the beasts once the smiling cat made its presence known…who is still divisive amongst the hunters guild.

Next is the splitter group of the guild, the cloak, originally a more specific group meant to kill extremely dangerous Armagus that could not be captured and studied, the group splintered when the guild welcomed in the smiling cat, with the cloak believing this act to go against everything the guild stood for. They are technically an ally group but more times than not they become a hindrance as they strictly kill Armagus, making it impossible to study the creatures to find a way to permanently stop them. While the cloak is called a group of heroes, the guild sees their actions as simply delaying the problem that is the Armagus. However if there is one thing the guild and the cloak agree on, it's the simple motto, “homes can be rebuilt, objects can be replaced, lives cannot”.

Third is the most frustrating group, the Order of Oz, an organization that does not hunt Armagus, but instead simply sends them back, they believe that looking into the collective madness and entering wonderland could hold the answers to overcoming the armagus. However their members act.. differently, the group claims to not want to harm or capture any Armagus yet it is not rare to see a few members appearing to confront and even combat the armagus. As such this group is very conflicting, especially since they actively choose to intervene with the affairs of the guild, with research papers going missing or captured Armagus disappearing, with the ashes of their cards being found the next day.

The system:

Tricksters are THE MOST integral part of being an Armagus hunter as they allow a person to actually harm one, no one knows why ordinary weapon only deal minor damage but some theorize that it's due to Armagus being composed of the same madness as “wonderland” and that same madness is what makes up tricksters, so it's possible that unless it is composed of the elemental madness, it will be not as effective as any tricksters ability would be.

Now there are three components that make up a trickster. Their type, their physical association, and their partner.

Trickster types are rather easy to understand as they represent the tricksters personality and combat style.

Malignant: these tricksters are brutal and strike first, and HARD. While they may not be entirely evil, the tricksters of the malignant type are still rather brutal in their methods. With the closest thing to lesser violent trickster of the malignant type in terms of combat methods being Loki. However that is debatable, as Loki seems to take glee out summoning his sword læveatinn to and quote “chopping up those filthy beasts and devouring them”. Regardless despite their brutal ways and sometimes cruel tendencies, malignant tricksters surprisingly often trust their partners deeply.

Benevolent: these tricksters are a little more rare than most but what can be said of them is that they focus more on defense or defensive strategies, making sure that those around them don't get hurt and that nothing is damaged. However above all benevolent tricksters are surprisingly just as happy in the hunting of and fight against Armagus, taking joy in making the beasts fight for their lives, with the example case Cendrill who acts like a sadist when fighting Armagus. But despite that, if you are going to trust any trickster, you ought to almost always trust tricksters of the benevolent type, as they are tricksters focused on defending innocents and saving lives.

Prankster: the most common type of trickster. These scoundrels prefer a mix of combat and recovery, almost always having some way of healing others or themselves, these types of tricksters are more evasive and tend to move around or use traps on their enemies. They still enjoy fighting Armagus but don't have as much joy in it. Preferring to confuse the beasts rather than kill them. Case and point, Pan the satyr almost always gets a kick out of watching the beasts running around like and quote “Chickens after meeting a bad butcher”. However, despite all these tricksters are still pretty trustworthy, as usually unless they think it's funny to prank you, these tricksters protect people and get them away from danger.

Finally there is

Neutral: an all-rounder type, these Beings focus on a little bit of everything, from healing, to defense, all the way to brutal combat. However usually these tricksters specifically prefer one of the aspects. Neutral tricksters are exceedingly rare due to the fact they don't really care what happens to humanity and/or the armagus, you have to form a bond with one for them to even care. However when they do, they care deeply, as seen with Medea who is apathetic to the plights of humanity but defends them because of Harline who, due to join the smiling cat's side, protects mankind. If you are to trust any type of trickster, your safest bet is with ones of the benevolent type but if you gain a neutral trickster's friendship or see someone with a neutral trickster fighting Armagus, you're in good hands.

Next is the tricksters association. Which stems from how they are perceived in the eyes of the public. For instance Loki as a mythological had nothing to do with poker, but the public viewed him as a menace, almost like a dealer at the poker of a rigged casino. So through that association Loki manifested his ability as poker chips. The same can be said for any trickster, if they are associated with an image they will appear as what the public perceives them as.

Finally there is a tricksters partner, which shapes how the ability behaves, of a trickster and their partner prefer their fighting style to be like a gamble then the ability will alter to fit that, however if they prefer to be straightforward and fight as hard as possible to get the job done quick, then the ability will be simplistic while focusing on raw physical power.

Now there is one last thing about tricksters, the most important thing for all Armagus hunters to understand. The contract and how tricksters choose their partners.

When a trickster is formed they are usually formed alongside a human being born, representing the human's madness. (However this is still theoretical as there are many questions which are still being answered.) These tricksters when leaving “wonderland” will naturally sense their partner, before they will search them out. When a trickster finds their partner they will interact with them, which is seen when their partner's perception of time begins to slow before coming to a stop.

This is where the human and trickster meet, and the trickster will begin with a speech.

“In the blood of those we have lost, and in the rage of the survivors, a Blodslöfte is made this day. In this oath you swear to bring change to the world. I grant thee the mask of a trickster, not to do good, not to do ill, but to make change. Go forth trickster, and bring about your Ragnarok”

Then the trickster will usually offer their hand to their partner. And if they accept them the trickster and human will combine, sharing one body (with the trickster manifesting its own body whenever it is time for battle or just whenever they want to be out and about.

These contracts CANNOT be undone, once you make one, you are bound to your trickster, permanently.

However that does not mean you cannot have more tricksters, theoretically as seen with examples like Addison having two trickster's, you can make a contract with more tricksters, which grants you more versatility.. however no one does this because any trickster they do find is usually already in its own contract.

[ruewrites]

Stars in the Deep

AO3

Ship: Asmodeus/Solomon

Word Count: 3186

Warnings: Smut

A/N: Consider this a very very very late MerMay piece. I was busy finishing my degree and writing my thesis and preparing to pass my defense (which I did! Woo!). But I have it for you now! I hope you all enjoy! BUT I saw quite a bit of Octopus mermaid Solomon (or sea witch Solomon) from the fandom... and I had to join in. I couldn't not. It was too good (and there should be more tentacles with Asmo, I said what I said). Comments are appreciated <3

Shiny peach colored scales glittered in the afternoon light. His glow reflected on the seafloor beneath him. It had taken forever for him to be able to slip away from under Lucifer's watchful eye. The elder mer was far too over protective for his liking, Asmodeus needed space to be free and explore as he pleased. Being cooped up in the reef with nothing to do was boring, and there were so many pretty sites to see.

It wasn't like Lucifer would give him permission either. If he knew where he was going, and who he was seeing, he would be absolutely furious.

Exploration was also what had brought them together though, and Asmodeus knew what was good for him.

He swam deeper, away from the surface and out of the territory he had grown up in. The temperature change was slight but noticeable and the slight chill made Asmo shiver. Then the coral started to change, and he found the patch he was searching for. The textures of the sand changed and what appeared to be shimmering coins and pearls were littered around an opening in the ocean floor surrounded by rocks.

Well… not quite rocks.

It was hollow, and varied in texture. Almost like a boulder and the shape was odd. Sometimes it creaked, and parts of it flowed with the ocean current, barely holding on by a thread. Allegedly, humans used them to traverse the surface. It made little sense to Asmo, but that is what he was told. 

 He approached the cracked entrance without fear, even as his wrist was taken by a tendril.

“No hello Darling?”

“I would have, if you hadn't interrupted me,” the upper half of the figure poked out of the hole, he was pale, almost translucent, and his hair was whiter than any Asmodeus had seen before. He was so different than any other creature Asmodeus had ever encountered before, and so intriguing. His tentacles were blotches of white and dark blues with specks of black. Another tentacle joined the first, “You're early.”

“I was able to sneak out quicker this time, you know I can't exactly tell Lucifer when I plan on seeing you Solomon, Great Witch of the Deep,” Asmodeus pecked his nose, giving some color to Solomon's face.

He cleared his throat, eyes shifting ever so slightly, “I believe we are past titles my Peach.”

“You still haven't shown me what a paesh is.”

“Peach, Dearest, and I plan on changing that today.”

Asmo's eyes lit up and he pulled on the tentacle, surprising Solomon and succeeding in pulling him farther out of his cave, “Does that mean we get to go to the surface? I would love to lounge on a beach with you. I also know some lovely basking rocks that we can lay on to warm up.”

Solomon squinted and raised one of his arms to shield his eyes, his other tentacles firmly anchoring him to the cave's entrance. “Perhaps not now, the sun's a bit bright.”

Asmodeus felt himself be tugged towards the entrance, closer into the depths, “But I do have some things for you, if you would just-” another tug, “Follow me?” 

“It's a tight fit.”

“But you've entered before even if just a bit.”

Normally Asmo would enter a bit before pulling away, and then the two of them would spend time amongst the structures around Solomon’s home instead. Those weren’t as intimidating to Asmodeus as delving further from the surface was, yet Solomon always invited him, always yearning for him to dive deeper. 

Asmodeus didn’t miss the way Solomon flinched whenever the sun hit him in a particular way, how he hid under more shady structures, how easily his skin seemed to turn red. 

There was hesitation on both sides. Asmo gave one last glance to the surface and to the sunlight. The dark made it difficult to swim and see. It wasn't the world he was familiar with. And yet-

“I swear, I will take you to visit the surface.”

It was intriguing.

“I promise.”

And some part of Asmo wanted to dive deeper more than anything.

Entering was a tight squeeze, but once he was in, Solomon helped guide him. Apprehension had started to fill Asmodeus as the claustrophobia set in and the more he contemplated changing his mind and heading back to the entrance, but the deeper they went, the more the cave opened and slowly his anxieties seeped away. The farther he went, the more the world changed until it was entirely unrecognizable. Shimmering plants that Asmodeus had never seen before covered the walls, illuminating the dark path, and that wasn't the only difference.

“Welcome to my humble abode.”

Solomon was glowing. His colors had changed to light blues and greens and pinks which shimmered and glowed with the rest of the flora and fauna. Asmodeus had never seen a thing like it before. Even among the glowing ceilings and walls, he was a centerpiece in the massive cavern they had entered. 

He was beautiful.

“Solomon, you're glowing,” he couldn't help swimming around the mer, examining him. He was also much bigger than Asmodeus had realized, “I didn't know you could do that.” 

Solomon was grinning, he seemed both quite pleased with himself and with Asmodeus’ reactions. “You've never made it all the way down here before.” 

His tentacles flared out, showing off more of his newfound color. Solomon was confident, but down here he was in his element, here Asmodeus could watch him thrive. His eyes traced the intricate markings along his body as he placed himself on display, and Asmo wanted to trace each and every one. 

Then Solomon snapped back to his side, hands on his back guiding him further into the cavern “Please, make yourself at home, take a look around while I grab some things.” 

Asmo couldn't help but touch almost everything he came across. Fauna like this didn't exist in higher waters where he normally roamed. He wondered  if he could decorate himself with it. All of the glowing colors would help his beauty pop even more.

“Asmodeus?” Asmo turned to see Solomon holding a round object in his hands, “I promised you I'd show you a peach. Humans drop cargo from their ships all the time, and I wanted you to try this before it got too soggy.” It was still slightly firm to the touch, still untouched by the murky depths to which Solomon had dragged it so his beloved could have a taste. He helped Asmo raise it to his lips, and watched with delight as sharp teeth punctured supple flesh. 

How lucky had he been to find a toppled barrel bobbing at the surface? One that had been harboring such delightful goodies no less. 

Waiting for Asmo’s reaction, Solomon continued to hold the fruit towards his mouth, but there was only so long he could contain himself, “Well?”

Asmo swallowed, “It’s sweet.”

“Just like you.”

“I like it,” the mer finished off the peach, even gnawing at the pitt long after the flesh was gone. Solomon took his hands and removed the pitt from his mouth, “I would hate for you to chip your wonderful teeth.”

Solomon always wondered if Asmodeus had any siren in him, or maybe some distant shark, he loved those sharp little teeth. They were very pretty, and very attractive for a multitude of reasons. He especially liked the way they bit. With Asmodeus it was so hard to control himself.

Asmodeus let out a little squeal as Solomon's tentacles wrapped around him, two beginning to slowly rub along the front of his tail where a small patch of scaled were separated ever so slightly. Asmo hummed and wrapped his arms around Solomon's neck, “Did you just want to butter me up with dinner first.”

Solomon had one hand on Asmo’s waist and the other ran through Asmo’s hair, “Not originally no, but can you blame me? You look beautiful my Peach.”

Leaning in, Solomon could feel Asmo’s smile on his lips as they kissed. The mer was incredibly appealing, both in personality and appearance. If Solomon could have his way, he’d keep him down here with his other pretty things forever. A pleased groan left his lips as he felt the tip of his first tentacle slip into Asmo’s vent.  He pulled away and let himself nip along Asmo’s neck, enjoying the pleased sighs that left him as his tentacles squirmed into his warm depths.

“They’re so cute,” Asmo murmured, picking up one of the tentacles and bringing it to his lips  and pressing kisses along its length. The rest of the tentacles continued to wrap around Asmo maneuvering him so that his back was pressed firmly against Solomon’s chest. A few traveled down his torso making him shudder. 

“They feel so empty when you’re gone,” Solomon cooed, trailing his hand down Asmo’s chest. The feeling of muscles shuddering between his fingertips was like electricity in his body. He loved feeling Asmo start to twist against him as his breathing hitched. It meant he was doing a good job, it meant he was pleasuring his pretty little lover, “Feeling good?”

Asmodeus let out a little drawn out groan in response, his head lolling back over Solomon’s shoulder. His fingers wandered down to where they connected, and stroked along one of the tentacles making it stutter and Solomon made a noise behind him, “Starting to, think we could pick up the pace a bit more?” Slowly, he wrapped his fingers around the tentacle and started stroking. He was egging Solomon on, touching him where he was sensitive, his other hand caressing the side of his face along his markings and running through his hair. 

The noise that left Asmo's mouth when he complied was nothing short of heavenly. Each twitch was divine and his twisting made Solomon aware of how much he was enjoying himself, and he couldn’t help but tighten his grip. Burying his face in the crook of Asmo’s neck, he nibbled ever so slightly.  Every inch of Asmodeus was beyond comprehension, his mind went hazy as he made his way deeper into his partner. 

Solomon's tentacles squirmed and squelched inside of him as he held Asmodeus close. Pale fingers reached down to toy with the pink nub that had begun to protrude from his vent, and the sensation of pleasure shot through Asmodeus like lightning. 

“Solomon! Wait- wait! I'm about to-” 

“Shhh,” Solomon's hand reached up Asmo's throat, gently caressing his skin, “Let me make you cum as many times as I can.”

His own voice shook, his brows furrowed together and eyes closed as he buried his fade in Asmo's shoulder. His fingers further coaxed Asmo's length, as his tentacles worked his vent. He rubbed along the underside, not missing a single ridge or groove as he went. Asmodeus continued to squirm and whine in his grasp, his noises becoming more fervent the closer he came to his orgasm. Solomon switched from a gentle but persistent rubbing of his cock to a firm grip around him. His stroking was in tandem with his tentacles. 

With a squeal, his cock lurched, shooting off pearly strings of cum, that dissipated into the surrounding water. But the tentacles continued to thrust, they were far from done, and the sensations in his vent seemed to be keeping Asmodeus erect.

Asmo himself couldn't think of anything beyond the pleasure assaulting his core. It was a building pressure, and each one of Solomon's tentacles rubbed against sensitive walls. 

“Don't stop, please don't stop.”

It was amazing, and those words even failed to properly express what he was feeling. Yet, Solomon complied. His rapid pace and short thrusts had Asmo letting out  a cry as the inner walls of his vent fluttered and clenched. His body went rigid before slumping against Solomon. With a groan of his own Solomon felt himself release sperm packets deep within the other mer's vent. He remained inside as he held Asmodeus close, allowing them both  to drift to the bottom of the cave, nestled comfortably below. 

He noted Asmodeus still twitching cock with amusement.

“Was two not enough for you my Peach?” 

“You said you'd make me cum as many times as you could,” Asmo shot back.

“So I did.” 

Without a word, and plenty of smiles, Solomon removed himself from Asmo's vent and moved lower, careful to place his chosen partner carefully and comfortably on the surface below. He took in the length for a moment, admiring how thin wisps of their coupling dissipate before him. His fingers toyed with his partner's opening and the base of his cock before taking him onto his mouth. He went slow, savoring the way Asmodeus twitched and gasped, and how his fingers gripped at his hair. 

Honestly? He could watch his partner like this for hours and get off without physical stimulation The way his face twisted in pleasure, how his body twitched and his pretty fin flicked. Asmodeus was enthusiastic and just as sensitive as he was. If they had had similar anatomy, Solomon would have loved to thrust deep into his vent, chest to chest. If only, but Solomon could still have his fantasies even if it wasn’t something he could have in reality.

Asmo tightened his grip on his hair as he came again, and Solomon took all of him.

“Solly?” Asmo seemed confused, until his tongue probed deeper into his vent. 

“One more,” was all Solomon said before diving in.

Asmodeus’ mind was pleasantly numb and buzzing with pleasure. His hips thrust weakly as Solomon worked on him, and god what phenomenal work he did. When he came this time from the sensations in his vent, his cock let out one final release before retracting. His voice hitched and his grip on Solomon tightened before he went limp. The inside of his vent thrummed and pulsed with a comfortable final wave of pleasure, one so strong that he wasn't sure if he'd be able to move. His eyes shifted towards Solomon who hadn't left his side. Rather his tentacles started to curl around his body once more and he caressed what he could reach with his hands. He even brought one up to his lips  gracing it with a gentle kiss, and he swore he saw Solomon shudder.

“Do you use that trick on all the pretty mer who come into your cave?” 

Solomon chuckled, finally wrapping his arms around Asmodeus, he could make a crude joke about cumming in another cave, but for now he wanted to savor this moment, “What do you think?”

“I think you’re a charmer.”

“Only for you,” Solomon pulled away and looked into Asmo's eyes, “And no one else. Now rest, there is still one thing I wish to show you, and I have a promise to keep.”

***

They ascended from the depths hand in hand and breached the surface. The  water was still, not a wave in sight, the only movement occurring was where they disturbed the water. Solomon had brought him to what looked like a hidden grove, just off the coast of a sandy shore. After their coupling, Asmodeus found himself curled up to rest. He watched Solomon in between bouts of sleep as he moved about the cavern. Occasionally he would come back to Asmodeus’ side to play with his hair and kiss his forehead, before moving around again. He left tiny slices of peaches by Asmo’s side that the mer happily consumed along with trinkets for him to play with. Asmo recognized some as little pretty things that he had gifted to Solomon. When he lingered long enough, Asmo would coax him closer and trace along his pretty markings. He would start with the appendages, then his stomach and chest, and then the ones on his face before pulling him into a kiss. Then Solomon would laugh and whisper to him to rest.

 Once he was rested, Solomon prompted their journey to the surface. Just as he promised. 

“I like coming here,” Solomon said as he led Asmo up onto the landing of the grove, “It's quiet and where I find all of my treasures.”

“You didn't find me here.”

“Almost all of my treasures.”

His tentacles wrapped around Asmo, swaddling him protectively and holding him close.  His markings could still be faintly seen under the starlight. Asmo shuddered as cold fingertips brushed against his arms. Looking down at their bodies tangled together, it was hard to discern where Asmo's body ended and Solomon's began. He traced along one of them and looked back up at Solomon, “Where would you be if you had not met me?”

Solomon smiled and pressed a kiss to Asmo's forehead, “Where would I be indeed.”

They laid in silence, watching the stars and enjoying each other's presence. Then Asmo raised his arm and traced a shape into the sky using his finger, “Ursa Major.”

“Hm?”

“Ursa Major. It’s that cluster of stars right there,” he traced the shape once more with his fingers and then continued on, “If you keep swimming in that direction, there’s a lot of those big floating rocks. Like the one around your cove.”

“You mean ships?”

“Is that what it is?”

Solomon’s eyes lingered on the shape Asmodeus had traced in the sky and then down to where Asmodeus was pointing, “Ursa Major…”

“There’s more too if you like that,” Asmo pointed  to another cluster, “That one is Cepheus, and then his wife Cassiopia is over there- They’re both royalty you know- And then that one over there is Draco, a dragon. Oh! And that one is Ursa Minor-”

Solomon pulled Asmo closer, head resting atop Asmodeus’ pretty blonde locks as he named more and more of the stars. One day he could ask him how he knew all of the names and stories, but for now, he was content to relax and listen as he held Asmodeus securely in his tentacles. In the morning he would have to say goodbye to Asmodeus again and spend the days collecting treasures from the  surface and waiting for his return. 

Asmodeus would make his way back home. Lucifer would be pacing around, ready with a lecture that he had been preparing every second Asmodeus was missing. Asmo would sit and whine for hours as he was reprimanded, responding with vague answers about where he’d been.  Then he’d wait with lazy days spent sunning himself on rocks at the surface and staring at his reflection and his pretty glittering scales. Until he’d see Solomon, he’d stare at and adorn mementos from the sea witch. Pearls, pretty jewelry, and trinkets he couldn’t name from the surface. Solomon always slipped him one before he departed. Leaving scale’s behind for Solomon or little pretty things from the seafloor were ways that he showed his affection. A treasure for a treasure, reminders until they could see each other again. 

They spoke silently, staring at the stars. Time stood still as treasured memories formed above the surface. 

Both of them believed the stars looked a bit brighter this night.