#but tbh i’m not that pressed about marriage so its like…

[enluv]

The Wedding Date

PAIRING! - jay park x fem!reader

SYNOPSIS! - When invited to her younger sisters wedding in two weeks, Y/N L/N faces traveling alone back to Korea for the ceremony. While this seems bad enough, Heeseung, the man who left her with no explanation after four years of dating, happens to be the groom's best man. Determined to show everyone - most of all Heeseung - that her romantic life is as full and thrilling as ever, Y/N hires the ever so charming Jay Park as her date.

word count: 7.4K+!

warnings: angst, suggestive content - it’s implied and mentioned that reader & jay did the devils tango so please note this fic is16+ BUT it’s nothing crazy so just be warned, profanity, cheating, heeseung is super duper not cool in this tbh, lmk if I missed anything !!

genre(s): 16+!! - there are no descriptions of sexual acts but it is stated briefly so read at your own risk, rom-com, fluff, angst, strangers to lovers, rent-a-boyfriend, & also slow burn romance but fast paced story

coco’s love note: this story is based on and inspired by the movie “the wedding date” some parts will be similar and depict similar instances while some will be different to fit the characters and the plots I’m writing for them! thank you so much & enjoy! (remember feedback & reblogs are always appreciated <3)

"You are cordially invited to the wedding of Park Sunghoon and L/N Soohee to celebrate their marriage this June 30th at three o'clock.”

The words on the wedding invitation make your eyes roll, it’s laughable. Knowing neither of you had talked in almost two years it was a wonder why Soohee had chosen to invite you to her wedding. Perhaps it was your mother, she'd always wanted her two girls to get along at some point, but that was easier said then done. Or maybe it was your stepfather? He'd always said you were his favorite, maybe he'd somehow convinced her to invite you. Attending the wedding wasn't what worried you the most though, it was the thought of showing up alone.

Sure you could show up flying solo and hope no one would bat an eye, but did you really want to put yourself through that? The millions of whispers thrown at you as you walk by with no one on your arm? Absolutely not.

That's what brings you here, on a hot summers day as you read the morning paper from the patio of your home. The ads all consist of different services, some are posted for models, some plumbers, even things like babysitting, but you're on the hunt for one thing and soon enough an ad catches your eye. It’s perfect. The ad reads -

"Rent-A-Boyfriend: Are you in need of a date? Want to keep your parents off your back? Need to brag to your friends? Have to keep the relatives at bay? Well look no further! Hire me, Jay Park, profesional boyfriend. I can be anything you need me to be for any occasion! Shoot me a text at XXX-XXX-XXXX or email me at jay.park@gmail.com! Business inquiries only. Excited to date you soon!”

The ad had done its job and quickly enough you'd left Jay exactly seven different voice messages.

— YOU HAVE SEVEN VOICE MESSAGES, TO LISTEN: PLEASE PRESS NUMBER ONE.

VOICE MESSAGE #1 (9:17 PM):

"Errmmm...oh! It’s recording haha. Hello! This is Y/N L/N, umm so basically...oh um sorry I am so nervous haha. Okay so basically my name is Y/N and I need a date for my sisters wedding this month. Normally I'd have a date by now but I don't have the time to go out and date someone for two weeks and then force them to go to Korea with me ya know? So that's where I was hoping you'd come in! Oh shoot my time is running out...ummm okay give me a seco-"

VOICE MESSAGE #2 (9:23 PM):

"OH! HI! Sorry it cut me off last time haha oopsie! Anyways so basically the reason I need a date is because well basically I have this ex boyfriend his name is Heeseung and he kinda sorta dumped me like out of nowhere about two years ago. It was super sad but I was just like eh whatever dude. Then I came here to America haha not a good idea, anyways so yeah and he's gonna also be at that wedding because his best friend is actually the groom which makes him the best man and I can't-"

VOICE MESSAGE #3 (9:34 PM)

"Sorry cut off again but I can't show up alone it would be so embarrassing and we were engaged too by the way I don't know if I mentioned that already but yeah we dated for almost four years and he proposed to me and then boom just ended it so that's why I cannot by any means show up alone. Plus this is my baby sister that’s even more embarrassing, my younger sister getting married before me? Total loser moment."

VOICE MESSAGE #4 (10:45 PM):

"Sorry I forgot to give you details about the wedding lolz. It'll be in Korea, the countryside to be specific. It's on June 30th at 3pm at a wedding Chapel in the town we grew up in. We have to be there a week before. No worries though, l'II pay for our plane tickets. Since I'm the sister of the bride I have to do a lot of things with the bridal party and since you'll be my boyfriend you'd be doing things with the groomsmen. Sorry if that's too soon for you or if it doesn't work with your schedule, I'll pay you double I swear! I just really need this, need your help Jay."

VOICE MESSAGE #5 (11:38 PM):

"Um hi again, this'll be quick I promise. I just wanted you to know that if you can't do this it's okay! Thank you for your time. I really appreciate you.”

VOICE MESSAGE #6 (12:49 AM):

"Oh shit sorry this was an accidental dial. Have a good night haha! Sorry again!”

VOICE MESSAGE #7 (1:23 AM):

"Just give me a call back at XXX-XXX-XXXX if you do want to take the job and if not, no worries! I completely understand how last minute this may be. Have a good night Jay, sweet dreams."

— YOU HAVE ONE NEW VOICE MESSAGE: TO LISTEN PLEASE PRESS NUMBER ONE.

VOICE MESSAGE #1 (3:45 PM):

"Hey Y/N, this is Jay. I got your messages...all seven of them. No worries, I'd be happy to play your boyfriend at your sisters wedding, and about your ex, don’t even worry about him, we'll make sure he regrets his decision to ever leave you. You said we leave next week? Just send me the plane ticket and I'll be on that flight. See you soon Y/N, and don't worry too much, you've got this."

“Woah! Hottie in aisle three am I right?!”

“What are you talking about Sunoo, stop staring at the people riding our planes. It’s a long way back to Korea they don’t need you ogling them for all ten hours.”

“Excuse me but did you not say you’re waiting for your rent-a-boyfriend? Babes I think that’s him.” Sunoo points his perfectly manicured finger towards aisle three where a man dressed in black slacks and a white button up sits comfortably flipping through a book. His head turns up as he feels your eyes on him and a smile flashes across his face.

“Alright, go meet your hunk and sit down, we’re taking off soon anyway.”

You begrudgingly take a seat in front of him, if you’d known he’d be this attractive you’d definitely not have hired him.

“Are you Y/N L/N? Or am I completely wrong and making a fool out of myself?”

His voice is sweet, soft and husky, you turn slightly to face him and meet his soft eyes. No judgement is seen on his face.

“Hi! Yes I am Y/N, I’m assuming you’re Jay? Well you probably are haha, because I got you the seat behind me…okay so anyways hello!”

He laughs softly and nods his head, “Get some rest Y/N, we have a long week ahead of us. When we land let’s go find you a dress and talk business, that okay with you?” Your nod of confirmation has you both relaxed as you turn back around to do just as he said.

“How does this one look?”

“I think you look great in it, remember you’re beautiful and you’ve got a lot going for you. He’s gonna regret ever breaking up with you.”

“Ugh I can’t do it, I need to look good so no one asks me any kinds of questions!”

“Y/N I think you’re overthinking this a bit, just go with whichever dress makes you feel the most beautiful.”

“I think you look the best in the red one, uh personally speaking.” Jay eyes the boy cleaning the other dressing rooms and nods with a tight lipped smile.

“Hmm thanks kids, I’ll keep that in mind.” Pushing back in your eyes fall onto the hanging red dress.

“Alright so let’s talk business, we need a story. You’re the new temp at my job and we just started dating, let’s just say four months ago. You’re crazy about me and I asked you out because surprise surprise I’m also crazy about you too.”

He nods and gets up to leave the room but right as his hand reaches the doorknob you pull him back, closing the dressing room door.

“Here,” you shove an envelope into his hands, “count it. It’s six thousand even.”

Jay takes the envelope and begins putting it into his pocket but you insist he counts the money, he does so with an amused smile flashing across his face.

“I’ll tell you what, I’ll pay for the expenses but if you ever want a piece of this,” he gestures to himself playfully, “we gotta talk money before anything happens.” Your scoff makes him chuckle, he’d only been kidding, he’d most definitely let you have him for free if you asked.

Jay takes in the venue of your sisters engagement party. It’s big enough to host more than fifty people, and it’s doing the job pretty well. He can tell you have a big family. From what you’d mentioned, your mom was Korean but moved to America for school and originally met your dad their but when he was out the picture she met your stepfather and the rest was history. Now your little sister, presumably the petite brunette eyeing you both now, was getting married to someone you’d both grown up with and his best man was you ex. Jay thinks your ex is a dumbass but he’s held his tongue on that thought knowing you’d probably get upset with him.

While he’d only known you for a few hours tops (not including your plane ride) he knew you were a kind person. You’d rambled to him about how you and your sister hadn’t spoke in two years yet here you were back at home to spend her wedding with her. He found it odd how you said yes to joining her bridal party activities but chose not to question you. He never understood sibling love much.

He watches as your sister runs towards you pulling you into a big hug, her smile never quite reaching her eyes but you’d never pick up on it if you weren’t paying close attention. He takes a note to ask you later why you two haven’t spoken in so long, but before he can gather his thoughts her voice breaks him out of it.

“So Y/N, who’s this? He’s cute…” her voice trails off and makes Jay internally cringe, it’s obvious she wants a reaction out of you.

He watches as you calmly turn towards him, resting an arm on his as you say, “This is Jay, he’s my boyfriend of four months. I decided I would take you up on that plus one offer!”

Momentarily your sisters eyes flash with what seems to be jealousy or maybe sadness, Jay can’t tell but he knows she looks anything but happy which is odd for someone about to marry the love of their life.

“Wow that’s great! How’d you two meet?”

“We met at work. I thought she was the most gorgeous girl I’d ever seen in my life so I told her. She asked me out right after and the rest is history.” He pulls you closer and pecks your temple once he’s done answering. He knows just how to push buttons, especially with people like your sister.

At that very moment Park Sunghoon, your childhood best friend and sisters fiancé walks over pulling Soohee into a sloppy kiss, Jay notes he seems tipsy and excited about something. He watches your sisters demeanor change in an instant the minute Sunghoon walks over.

“Woah Y/N it’s been too long, I’ve missed my best friend, you have to visit more often seriously.”

“Oh I’m Park Sunghoon, Soohee’s fiancé and Y/N’s friend, we haven’t met before but I’m happy to see Y/N has someone to put a smile on her face.” His smile is captivating and contagious. Sunghoon seems like a nice enough guy in Jay’s eyes.

“It’s nice to finally meet you.” Jay leans over and offers a hand. “I’m Jay, Y/N’s boyfriend. She told me you invited me to join in on the groomsmen activities, thanks a lot I’m excited.”

“Of course! Any friend of hers is a friend of mine. Let me get your number and I’ll add you to the groupchat, we start soon so just be ready.” With the promise to text soon Sunghoon and Soohee are quickly whisked away leaving Jay with Y/N.

“Your sister seems…nice…”

Y/N can’t hide her laugh as she straightens her dress out, “Mhm love her to death but she can be a lot, now if you’ll excuse me I need to pee, I’ve had way too many drinks! Wait for me here.”

When exiting the bathroom you never thought you’d run into Lee Heeseung here of all places. It seemed as if lady luck was anywhere but on your side, as you watch him emerge from the door next to the same one you’d just came out of, his eyes grow wide as he spots you, quickly making his way towards you.

“Holy shit, Y/N! I was hoping I would see you here! You look beautiful as always.”

Your hearts beats as you look up towards him. It’d been almost a year since you’d last saw Lee Heeseung. He’d broken your heart in all of five minutes over the phone after spending a week in America with you. It was heart wrenching and soul crushing but you’d healed…or so you thought. Seeing Heeseung again was like ripping off a bandaid on a newly fresh wound. Heart begging to be held by him once more you knew immediately you had to find a way away from him and fast.

Thankfully just as you’d pulled away from his arms up ran your old friend Karina. She’d been someone you’d hung out with in high school and always called you up whenever you visited Seoul. Her squeals of excitement and hands pulling you into a hug helped with the longing to be next to Heeseung again. She looked towards him with hostility and popped the question right there in front of him.

“Y/N I’ve missed you so much! AH! Who’s the hottie you brought with you? Rumor has it he’s your new boyfriend…you tell me though, wanna hear it straight from the source herself.”

At this Heeseung’s head perks up from his previous gaze at the floor. He’s expecting to hear an answer, it’s obvious in the way his eyes stay on you.

“Oh. Um yeah. He’s actually my boyfriend. His name is Jay and we met at work. He’s the sweetest, you have to meet him! I’ll introduce you two soon.” Once again Karina’s squeals fill the air and Heeseung waves goodbye as she tugs you towards where Jay stands surrounded by your aunties. They seem to be enjoying the compliments he throws at them and you laugh quietly as you listen in on his conversations with them.

Jay watches as you stop to talk to someone by the doors of the bathroom, he contemplates walking over to you but decides to stop himself. He isn’t here to protect you, you can do that all on your own, he’s just here to provide some comfort in a stressful situation. His peaceful time of watching you is quickly interrupted when your aunties come over and preoccupy him. He’s done this before and is quick to play the best boyfriend he can be.

As soon as you walk over you’re pulled away by your aunties (much to his dismay) so Jay sets off to find something to keep himself busy. He soon spots the same man you were talking to earlier out on the balcony alone and decides to talk to him, he seems upset, might as well do something while you’re gone.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Jay asks walking over swiftly to the man and smiling down at him.

“Oh. Uh. I guess it can’t get any worse than this. There’s this girl who I care about a lot,” he pauses to look back inside and Jay follows his gazes to where you sit with your sister and friend from before and his mind begins to turn, “I guess you could say I love her but of course with my luck, she’s here with some other guy.”

Jay lets out a low whistle and begins to talk but before he can process the situation you’re asking him if he’s okay and giving him a kiss on the lips, it leaves him dazed.

“Hey Y/N.” Heeseung says once quietly.

“Hey Y/N.” He repeats, this time louder than before.

Jay has a sudden realization as he looks back up at Heeseung, this is your ex, the same ex who broke your heart and the reason you hired him to be here.

“Oh hey Hee! Jay, this is Heeseung, he’s my ex.”

“Ah that’s why you looked a bit familiar.”

“What were you two talking about?”

“We were just-” Heeseung begins to talk but Jay cuts him off.

“I was telling him how we met.”

Heeseung nods frantically and stands tall again, he nervously grabs his cup and smiles, “I should head back inside, I’ll see you two later.”

“Did you see his face? Omg he looked so freaked out!”

“Mhm, and he told me he’s still head over heels in love with a girl he cares about a lot.”

Y/N’s bright smile bubbled up a feeling in Jay’s chest, but he shook it off as quickly as it came.

“Let’s get going pretty girl, I still need to meet your parents.”

Your house is huge, and yeah sure Jay is used to big houses, he grew up comfortably so houses around him were on the bigger side, but this house - your house is massive. He’s in awe as you stumble threw the front door hand in hand. A woman who looks just like you approaches speaking so quickly that Jay misses her question, but thankfully you’re quick to answer it.

“Hi mom. This is Jay,” a silent pause ensues after you reveal who he is to her.

“Well it’s nice to meet you Jay, sorry we don’t have a spare room for you. We weren’t exactly expecting you, Y/N has never really brought you up.” Jay can tell immediately who your sister takes after.

“No worries ma’am, I can just stay with Y/N.”

“Oh sorry my mom has this thing against boys sleeping with girl-”

Your mothers scoff cuts you off, her head shaking slowly, “Nonsense Y/N, you’re an adult. I know you two sleep together it’s normal, he’ll stay with you.”

You nod back at her wide eyed, and just as you’re about to speak a man pops up next to your mother, this time Jay does know who he is. Your lock-screen holds a picture of you two at a concert and you’d pointed out exactly who your stepfather was to him immediately. He waves a quick hello at Jay and pecks your temple, but he’s quick to whisks your mother away sending you a wink. Once you’ve made it to your room it’s almost midnight and both of you are exhausted from traveling and the party.

“Y/N, I’m gonna go ahead and shower, could you hand me my shampoo? I forgot to grab it and I’m already in.”

“Huh? Oh! Shampoo right…yeah of course I’ll get it right now.” Trudging over to Jay was easy, avoiding looking at the almost see-through shower curtain covering him was completely different. He smiles once you hand over the shampoo and goes back to humming along to a song stuck in his head.

“Hey Jay, what’s your story, like how did you get into rent-a-boyfriend?” You ask him taking a seat on the lid of the toilet.

“Well I’m an only child and my parents where always busy, grew up with very little friends and I was very protected at that. I like to think I was the weird kid who ate glue…anyways once I got my much needed glow up I didn’t know what to do with myself so I just started messing around. Clubbing, drinking, sex, all of that you know. Anyways my friend Jake found rent-a-boyfriend,” he steps out of the shower and stands directly in front of you, towel loosely wrapped around his waist, “and the rest is history.” He sends you a smirk before reaching for his phone sitting next to you on the counter, giving you the perfect view of his toned chest.

“Whatever, so what you just agreed to be a fake boyfriend like that?”

“Mhm, I trust Jake with my life he’s my best friend, dude would never sign me up for something that he knew I’d hate. Now come on it’s time for bed.”

The next day wedding activities start quickly, your sister has a day planned full for the groomsmen and bridesmaids. Things ranging from kickball (which Jay seems to be very good at and just so happens to beat Heeseung’s team in) to separate bachelor and bachelorette parties.

Both parties go great, with both you and Jay enjoying yourselves equally, but if you’d asked the other you’d both say all you wanted to do was go back home and see each other. It was an odd realization knowing you’d feel better at home with Jay, a mere stranger in your eyes.

“Y/N! Ugh I’ve been looking all over for you! I missed you so much, you really suck for not visiting more. I know we’re half sisters but I love you!! I missed you so freaking much,” Soohee slurs her words into your ear as she pulls you into a suffocating hug. You nod uncomfortably and hug her back, patting her on the back as she signals the bartender for more drinks. Just from the way she stares at you, you know the night is going to be long.

On Jay’s end of things he’s forced to take home a very drunk Sunghoon, who now seems more like a friend then a stranger. Earlier he’d over heard Heeseung telling Sunghoon about how he didn’t trust him, and while normally Jay didn’t care much for how people saw him, Heeseung really irked him. Yet here he was now, helping his best friend stumble home after their night out.

“Don’t tell Heeseung I said this, but Y/N looks way more happy with you then she ever did with him. I mean don’t get me wrong he’s my best friend and I’d literally die for him but the way she smiles at you is so different from any way she’s ever looked at him. I heard you the other day, telling her she was strong and could face everyone again. I was standing next to the door you two were by, anyways yeah Heeseung would have never done that. I love that idiot to death but the second he decided to break things off with her was the second he lost a really great person. You’re lucky Jay, can you just please keep her happy?”

Jay nods at him and Sunghoon sends him a grin, he walks up the steps to his house and waves a final goodbye back to him. Sunghoon’s words play in Jay’s head like a turntable, were you really happy with him? Did he seriously make you happy? Giddiness spread through him as he made his way back to your home only a couple doors down, ready to see you for the night.

Walking back into your bedroom and seeing Jay laid out reading a book half naked was a sight you’d never get tired of. He looked up at you taking in your figure and smiled.

“How was your night pretty?” The low gruffness of his voice sent shivers down your spine as you walked closer, watching as he sat up to meet your eyes.

“Something on your mind?” He asks quietly taking your hands in his.

“I’m going to do something, and if you don’t want it just tell me no, okay?” Jay nods with curiosity in his eyes.

His eyes widen as you straddle his lap, kissing him softly. He wasn’t expecting that, but he’s not complaining, soon enough he’s kissing back and you’re both rushing to undress one another, Jay more than you.

The night ended far too quickly and as you wake up with a snug arm wrapped around you, the memories of last night come flooding back in. You’d had sex with Jay, your rented boyfriend for the week, but it seemed neither of you minded it much, both eager to be together last night. A smile forms across your face as you move to stand only to be stopped by his arm tightening around your waist.

You both stumble downstairs hand in hand, running into both your parents. Your father stares at you two and wishes you a good morning, but your mother seems to sense something is different with you both. She sets down her coffee mug and calls for your cook to make breakfast. Jay is quick to make you your morning tea. He remembers how much you hate coffee.

After the dance class your sister plans for both parties, you’re left walking around a park with Jay. He can sense something is off as you slip your hand away from his grasp.

“Y/N are you okay?”

“Do you regret last night?”

You both speak at the same time, laughing awkwardly as you gesture for one another to speak first.

“I don’t regret last night Y/N,” he pauses to grab your hand, “I actually enjoyed it very much.” His laugh fills the tension filled air between you two.

“Are you sure? I can seriously pay you if that’s what you want I mean-” a tug at your wrist stops you from finishing, Jay shakes his head at you.

“Y/N you’re a beautiful idiot,” he sighs pulling you closer, “I was joking about paying me, and if you must know I’ve never slept with a client, ever.”

“Then why did you sleep with me? Oh god did I take advantage of you in a drunken state? Oh my god Jay.”

“No you idiot, I did it because I’m attracted to you, and you’re attracted to me, we’re two consenting adults who find one another attractive so we acted on it, that’s all.”

You nod at his words, still not fully agreeing with him but there wasn’t any other explanation, you were attracted to him so just as he said, you’d acted on it, that was all.

You two spend the day getting to know one another even more, Jay tells you his likes and dislikes, mother and fathers name, how he met Jake, and more. You spend hours talking before falling asleep cuddled up on your bed, tomorrow you both had to be up early for Soohee’s final days of wedding activities, starting with a nice family get together at your parents lake house.

What happens the next day is not something Jay ever wanted to deal with. As he watches you twirl around with your friends and run through the field chasing Sunghoon surrounding the lake behind your parents house, his insides churn at the thought of what he just witnessed. Not even an hour before Jay had actually gotten your fathers approval, he sat him down and they talked for an hour, he’d told Jay the story of his first time being introduced to you as his wife’s daughter and immediately knowing you’d be someone special in his life. He recounted how not a day went by where he didn’t worry about you alone in America but when you had showed up with him, Jay, on your arm his worries dwindled at the loving looks Jay sent your way.

This was not fun anymore, the angel and devil perched on his shoulders were fighting over what to do with the information he’d learned. Either he tell you and hurt you, or he could keep it to himself and just pretend he never knew a thing. The latter sounded perfect in his mind.

“And well sometimes we find the best thing for us and you know that’s not the best thing for others, so you have to do what’s best for you as a person you know and so that’s why we as humans always pick what’s best for us, we’re pretty selfish if you think about it really.”

Looking anywhere but Heeseung you’d spotted Jay, he smiled and waved you over, quickly bidding Heeseung and his odd dialogue a goodbye you’d ran straight towards an awaiting Jay.

“You seem to be very popular today Mr.Park. First my dad and just now my mom? Something tells me they like you.”

His chuckle sends butterflies through your stomach, “Yeah they said they’re excited to welcome me to the family, something about you having a terrible ex who wasted your time for four years? Your moms words, not mine.”

“She hates his guts, glad she likes you though.”

He smiles leaning in to peck your lips, “Yeah I’m glad she likes me too, kinda plan on staying for a bit.”

“Hey lovebirds, we’re taking pictures, come here!”

The next day, is the day before the wedding and it’s just as packed as all the other days but this time it’s filled with anxiety, Soohee and Sunghoon are buzzing with anxious excitement, your parents are terrified for tomorrow and everyone is sitting anxiously awaiting to give their toast.

Soohee wanted a closed family rehearsal dinner so they’d decided today would be the day to do it.

Jay sits next to you with his left hand rubbing your thigh, he listens as your mother recounts how you and Soohee fought over a boy when you were in both in grade school, she theorizes that’s why you two have a hard time getting along. Everyone laughs at the stories spewing from both your parents, the atmosphere is almost perfect. Perfect however, does not exist within this realm of people.

“Hey babe, I’m gonna go get more wine, don’t miss me too much.” You whisper to Jay standing and walking off towards the wine cellar.

A pair of footsteps catches your attention and when you turn around you spot Heeseung.

“I feel like I owe you an explanation.”

“Heeseung, relax. It’s fine. I promise.”

“I just feel like I should tell you that, god this is so fucking hard.”

“Did you know, I actually brought Jay to make you jealous, to torture you for the week, but then I don’t know, something happened and now I’m just so freaking happy with him. He makes me so happy honestly, and if we’re being honest Hee, I am so tired of this, of me and you. I’m ready to move on for good so let’s just go back upstairs and enjoy the rest of the evening.”

The weight on your shoulders feels lifted, you’d been wanting to finally feel free from Heeseung for months now and finally you were able to do it. Finally you could be happy and be with-

“I slept with Soohee, Y/n. I slept with your sister and I think I’m in love with her. It was two years ago, I just couldn’t hold it in anymore, that’s why I broke up with you, and then after we broke up we keep sleeping with each other for a few months. We stopped because of you, we knew it was wrong.”

“Can you please say something Y/N. Please just say anything please.” His pleas pierced your ears.

The wine cellar had begun to spin, the second he’d first told you, the room went dark and you couldn’t breathe properly. What the fuck just happened. Heeseung and Soohee slept together? He had cheated on you with your sister? He was in love with her.

Walking out the cellar Heeseung followed quickly behind, soon enough you’d made it back outside to the dinning area, Karina spotted you two and smiled wide but it soon dropped at your demeanor.

“Oh my god he told you didn’t he.”

“You knew?”

“Y/N I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry Y/N.”

“You sound just like him.”

“I promise it’s not like that Y/N-“

“Y/N?” Soohee’s voice pierces through the air around you and you know she knows what’s happening.

“Y/N please listen to me,” she tries resting her hand on your shoulder but you push her off, “Y/N please don’t say anything to Sunghoon. Please, I’m begging you.”

Strong arms pull you into them and you’re quick to hug him back. Jay feels like a breath of fresh air in the seemingly smog filled venue.

“I can’t believe you told her!” Soohee shouts as Jay stills in your arms and your world crashes all over again.

Jay watches as you take a step away from him, pushing him towards the others who’d betrayed your trust. His heart aches at the look you send him, he knows he’s fucked up, he’s fucked up really bad.

He chases after you as you walk away from the venue, he needs to make things right.

After the talk with your dad, Jay realized he’d forgotten the sun hat you’d asked him to bring outside for you so he trudged back inside to grab it but loud arguing distracted him. Being the gentleman he was, Jake liked to call him that at least, he walked over to the room to see what was happening and standing before him he saw Soohee and Heeseung. The arguing continued as he stepped into view of them.

“I love you Soohee, I miss us, I miss you.”

“Heeseung no. I love Sunghoon, we slept together for a few months but that is all it ever was. I am getting married to Sunghoon, your best friend.”

“You don’t think I know that? It kills me to see you with him!”

Jay is left speechless, your ex Heeseung and your very own sister, had slept together. He had to get away from them both, now.

“Jay? How long have you been standing there.” Soohee’s voice broke him out his thoughts and when he looked back up Heeseung was gone.

“I don’t know what you heard but it’s in the past Jay, it’s not important anymore, please just stay out of it, it doesn’t involve you.” She pushes past him out the door he’s standing next to. Jay is left wondering what to do with the information he’s just been presented..

“You knew and you didn’t tell me? How could you do that to me Jay?”

“What did you want me to say? It’s harder than it seems Y/N.”

“You lied to me. But I guess I should have expected that since that’s what you do. That’s who you are Jay, you’re a liar.”

“Really Y/N? Should I remind you that you hired me. You hired me to be your boyfriend, you’re paying me.”

“You’re right. I paid six thousand dollars for a lie and in the end I’m the only one coming out a fucking fool.”

“Hate me all you want Y/N, but it’s time you get over this Heeseung thing, you’re dragging it out, maybe now though, once you move on from Heeseung, you can cry over our relationship long enough and let it ruin your next one too.”

“Y/N? I came to say thank you for not outing me to Sunghoon today. I’m going to tell him, I just don’t want to tell him the night before our wedding.”

“You’re smart Soohee, telling him after the wedding allows you to trap him, because you know the minute he finds out you fucked his best friend repeatedly behind his back he’ll want to leave, but he won’t be able to because he’s married to you.”

“Don’t worry Soohee, your wedding tomorrow will be perfect. I’ll smile for the camera and keep my mouth shut but after tomorrow I never want to see or speak to you again. I hope you have a happy marriage built on the lies you created. Sunghoon deserves better then you’ll ever be able to give him.” Soohee’s quiet sobs lessen as she leaves the room. Finally you had some peace.

The day of the wedding felt like a blur, you’d woken up early to get your hair and makeup done, smiling when needed and laughing at whatever the bridal party said. It felt like you were a shell of nothing in your own body. Soohee tossed glance after glance at you, looking away quickly when you’d catch her. She’d never been one to like when people were upset with her and you knew it was driving her crazy to not know what you were thinking. Truth be told at any moment you could call up Sunghoon and tell him the truth, but a voice of reason seemed to still be lingering in your mind and it made you hope she’d do the right thing, tell him before the wedding continued, yet so far it didn’t seem like she’d be doing that.

Everyone rushed around the wedding chapel to get things in order, photographers and other vendors Soohee had hired ran around finding their places to make sure the day went as planned but the nerves in her stomach just wouldn’t go away. The echo of your words rattled in her mind, would she really be trapping Sunghoon? She knew if it were her, she’d want an out. She cursed you in her head as she made the decision to do the right thing, he deserved to know at least. Hopefully he’d be able to forgive her, hopefully he still wanted her.

Jay thinks whatever god is looking down on him right now is probably laughing his ass off at his suffering. He knows he shouldn’t have snapped back at you, especially not with the state of mind you had been in. It fucking broke him to hear your sobs as he turned away from you. On top of all that, now he was just going to up and leave you. He’d bought a plane ticket back home last night after talking to Sunghoon. He didn’t spill any descriptive details, and had told him a less intense version of your fight. Sunghoon laughed in his face and told him he was just in love. Jay told him to fuck off and shut up.

As he drove down the roads of the rural Korean countryside, thoughts filled his mind. He brought the car to a stop and contemplated what to do. On one hand, he had a plane ticket and his suitcases packed to go back home right now but on the other, all he had to do was turn around, pray you’d forgive him, apologize, and admit that Sunghoon was right.

Pulling him from his thoughts was the man himself, speak of the devil and he shall appear apparently. Jay looked up to find Sunghoon chasing after a very scared looking Heeseung. Someone had finally told him then, that was good. He watched as Sunghoon tackled Heeseung and they rolled down a hill. Heeseung escaped and continued running, never looking back. Sunghoon on the other hand stopped to catch his breath, catching sight of Jay in his car. He waved him down and hopped into the seat next to him.

“I love Soohee, I really do. I’m going to forgive her, she said they slept together before we officially got together and it stopped once I asked her out. I just wanted to beat his ass because he hurt Y/N.”

Jay nodded as Sunghoon rambled on about how insane Heeseung was for ever doing what he did to you. He blamed them both but he could only poor his anger out on Heeseung right now.

“Do you think I’m crazy for taking her back? For still wanting to marry her?”

“No, you love her, anyone can see. I think she’s obviously sorry, she could have not told you and just made you marry her but she gave you a choice and came clean. When you love someone you have that kind of courage, and you let others dictate your life for you even if one of the outcomes could ruin you forever.” As Jay spoke aloud to Sunghoon reality set in, he needed to go back to you, to apologize for his mistakes, to show you he loved you and accepted you and anything you decided he was worthy of having.

“Looks like we’ve got a wedding to go back to then, and I’m out a best man so what do ya say?”

Jay smiled and nodded at Sunghoon.

“Hell yeah man, let’s go.”

Seeing you again felt surreal, it made Jay’s heart beat a million times per minute. You looked gorgeous in the bridesmaids dress Soohee had picked for you, your hair beautifully styled to perfectly match you. Jay had never felt this happy, he’d never felt so excited to do something.

As Sunghoon had ran past you, Jay jogged up to you, pulling you into a kiss, he’d been wanting to kiss you again for so long, he melted within the first second of it.

“God Y/N, you have no idea how fucking sorry I am, I love you and I should have told you about Heeseung and Soohee, I just couldn’t bring myself to break your heart. I never want to be the one to hurt you, I love you so damn much, I’d rather give you up then hurt you. I know it hasn’t been long but I feel like we’ve known each other for years. I want to take you on a date, a real one, and I want to be your boyfriend, your real boyfriend, not one you rented for a week, and I need you to know that I’ll take anything you want to give me, I didn’t mean what I said yesterday, you didn’t ruin anything. Hell I’m the one ruining things. I just need you to know I care about you.”

“I realized today that I could never do what I did without you this past week. You are quite literally the best fake boyfriend anyone could ask for. I want to have you to myself Jay, don’t want to share you with anyone else, I’m done sharing. I want you to be mine, but really mine, not for a week, for a lifetime.”

“Glad we’re on the same page beautiful. We can talk more when we have the time but right now we have to head inside, I’m sorta the best man.”

Epilogue

Jay has you pressed against his kitchen counter attacking your neck when banging on his apartment door brings you both out of the lovestruck trance you’re currently in.

“Open up you fucker!”

Jay rolls his eyes at the voice clearly recognizing it immediately, but as he goes to open the door it flies open, hitting the back wall.

“Why’d you quit rent-a-boyfriend? Bro you were literally number one! I know I said I wanted to steal it from you but I didn’t mean that way idiot.”

“You can ask her why I deleted it.” He replies, pointing towards your direction.

Now standing and properly dressed, you wave at the man before you, he seems just as confused as you are.

“Pretty girl, this is my best friend Jake, and Jake this is my girlfriend Y/N.” A smile spreads across Jake’s face and he’s quick to pull you into a hug.

“Oh dude! You should have just said that! I see why now, what a dog! She’s way to pretty for you by the way.”

“Thanks Jake, I know I am but he’s a good kisser so I keep him around.”

“I like her already! Wanna go get some lunch? On me of course to celebrate you finding a girl who actually likes you and isn’t paying you to date her.”

“Deal, but just so you know, I did pay him to date me. Not anymore though.”

Jake’s mouth hangs open as you walk past him to grab your shoes, he’s astonished that someone as gorgeous as you needed to pay for a date. Jay sends him a look and promises to explain at lunch as he chases after you.

Jake would never admit it out loud but he’s happy Jay’s finally found someone to make him happy and the smile on your faces just shows him how right you are for one another.

Three years later he’s proven right as he opens up the envelope addressed to him. It’s an invitation that reads –

“You are happily invited to the wedding of Jay Park and Y/N L/N on the 31st of October, at three o’clock. Please join them for this amazing celebration!”

coco’s love note: ahhh and that’s a wrap on the wedding date! I really hope you all enjoyed it, honestly it was really fun to write especially coming up with things to fit the characters I chose for this fic in specific :) it was hard making heeseung the bad ex but he was the perfect fit 😭 and i love jay being the ml like he’s perfect for rom-coms!! anyways, I hope you enjoyed this fic and as always, feedback & reblogs are always appreciated <3

[shiiko529]

so i was genuinely intending to work on my angel/demon gemshipping fic and this happened instead >.>

tbh this isnt even what i tended to post for fai's bday, but ¯⁠\⁠⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠⁠/⁠¯

i would normally say this is crack, but the CLAMP "back-baby" is canon (which is completely insane)

-----------

“The chairwoman insisted that I come check on you since I live so close.”  Fai could hear Kurogane say as his traitorous twin let him into their apartment. He looked around wildly as his panicked mind tried desperately to figure out somewhere for him to run and maybe hide and somehow manage to avoid seeing Kurogane for at least the next year so he wouldn’t have to–

“Oi.”

Shit. “Kuro-sama-sensei, what- what’re you doing here?”

“I came to check on you,” he said knowing full well that Fai had heard him talking to Yuui.

“Well, you shouldn’t get too close, wouldn’t want you getting sick too,” the blond warned, trying to keep some distance from the gym teacher. 

Kurogane ignored his advice and took a step closer, which led to Fai managing to trip over his own feet as he backed away. He managed to twist on the way down and landed awkwardly on his face instead of his back. Which, of course, put him in an almost perfect position for Kurogane to see what was a small, but obvious lump on his back.

“What is that?”

“What is what?

“On your back- that lump.”

“That? It, uh, its a growth. I have cancer.”

Yuui groaned and muttered something Kurogane didn’t catch, confirming his suspicion that what the idiot just said was complete and total bullshit. “Fai, just tell him.”

“Tell me what?” Whatever was going on (which was obviously not an illness) was going to take more effort than normal to get to the truth.

“If you don’t tell him, I will.”

Or maybe not, if Yuui was siding with him instead of his brother.

Fai shot his twin a scathing glare before sighing and looking at the floor. “Remember the staff party a couple of months ago, with the really good alcohol? Where everybody got really drunk?”

Kurogane did in fact remember that party, probably better than most of the participants. He especially remembered Yuuko shoving the two of them into a closet, even if Fai had later pretended that he had no memory of that part whatsoever.

“Wait. Are you saying- You’re preg- You’re sure its mine?” 

Kurogane was reminded of the other blond in the room by a loud scoff, “Who else’s would it be? My brother has been pining for you since the day he met you.”

“Yuui!”

“Fai, you are stupidly in love with him and now pregnant with his baby, and you keep refusing to listen to me when I tell you he loves you back!” Yuui stopped, closed his eyes and took a deep breath before exhaling loudly. “I’m going for a walk. The two of you had better be talking about marriage details when I get back.”

The outburst from the twin that was generally considered the calm and reasonable one left a resounding silence in its wake. The gym teacher stood there for a moment looking at the figure still hunched on the floor. It was disconcerting for Fai to be this not just quiet, but subdued, which only reinforced that he felt exactly the way his brother had said. Kurogane knew he had to say something because clearly they had a lot of things they needed to finally actually talk about instead of the normal dancing around and avoiding issues that Fai liked to do. This really wasn’t the way he would’ve preferred to start a conversation on this particular topic, or any topic truthfully, but Fai was obviously not going to start.

So he sat down in front of the blond and started with what seemed like the most pressing part of the situation. “Do you… want to keep it?”

“Do you?”

“I hadn’t really thought about- I mean, I knew that it- but you- This whole time?”

The corners of Fai’s mouth twitched up into the tiniest shy, nervous smile and his head bobbed in the slightest of nods, but he didn’t answer the question, instead redirecting the conversation back to the other teacher. “I know how much you like children, and you’d be a great father, but if you don’t want it, then…”

“Well, its your body, so if you don’t want it–”

“No, no! I do! I just- I don’t want to–”

“Do you really think I’d let you do this alone?”

“I’ve got Yuui, so I wouldn’t be alone, but…”

Oh, this really was about him. Kurogane was going to have to actually tell the idiot how he felt, out loud, with actual words; which he admittedly wasn’t very good at. He knew he loved Fai, but to suddenly find out that not only did Fai love him back, but wanted to have this baby with him. He also knew that having a baby was a big decision, and while he only had a couple of seconds to decide, the answer was thankfully easy. “I want it too.”

That pretty face finally turned to look at him. “Yeah?”

“And you.” It wasn’t the best confession, far from poetic or romantic, or even planned, but still, those stunning blue eyes widened in surprise; which honestly was kind of ridiculous given what Yuui had already announced for them just a few minutes earlier. “You should’ve listened to your brother.”

Teasing was normally Fai’s department, but it worked as a much needed break in the tension, and the blond groaned in dismay, finally accepting it and relaxing.

“So, we’re having a baby?”

“Yeah, we’re having a baby.”

It only took a second for the reality of what they had just said to overpower the elation of finding out that Kurogane did actually love him back and panic started to take over. “Oh god, we’re having a baby. We need to pick a name, and buy stuff, and–”

“Hey. We don’t have to do everything right now. We’ve got a few months, right?”

Fai slumped against him, “What would I do without you, Kuro-sama?”

“Something stupid probably.”

[bisluthq]

There were several guys that didn’t like Taylor’s pr driven lifestyle and were even terrified of it. Tyler of the All American Rejects said he didn’t like her lifestyle. Hozier said he wasn’t interested in a relationship when asked about her, but he went on to some kind of relationship with other women. Interesting he didn’t deny dating her. Tom O’Dell was absolutely terrified of it. She publicly flaunted him to spite Harry, but it never went anywhere because she picked the wrong guy. These guys are just the ones we know about. Harry, Jake, and Joe A didn’t like the spotlight into the romance, and Calvin and Matty certainly hated her stans. Are we to believe all these guys are the ones with the problem, and not her at all? They all soured on a relationship with her, but most went on to long term relationships or even marriage with others.

Ehhhhh. Ehhhhhhhhhh. I hear some of what you’re saying but like for me the point is it takes two to tango. Hiddles and Calvin are significantly older than Taylor and only quite/very recently (respectively) found their forever partners (for now lol at least like marriage isn’t actually till death do you part; sources: my parents and my boyfriend lol). Harry dated Taylor when he was 19 and she was 23 and like idk I didn’t know what the fuck I wanted at 19 or for that matter 23. I still find it a bit weird she was into him then because like at 23 I was a TA and teaching 19 yos and certainly not thinking about marriage with their dumb asses but like I also didn’t fundamentally know what I want. I still don’t know that I do for sure and like my 20s are finished and done right but I’m still I suppose young and I don’t know for sure. I think Taylor not knowing is human and here I do think there’s some internalized misogyny. Boys are allowed to pick and choose right but if a girl isn’t happy with her first few choices somehow she’s the problem??? Nahhhh. Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Ehhhhh.

also Taylor never flaunted Tom O’Dell lol to spite Harry wtf are you talking about bestie?? They were papped pretty organically on one date (I do think they had a few more) and he went on to release a song about her so like idk??? They went on some dates and it didn’t go anywhere????? That’s all that happened??????? He still released a song about it like years later which is objectively a bit weird.

idk guys I can’t tell you how many dates I’ve been on in my life and I’m younger than Taylor and like Taylor also spent a good chunk of my 20s in a serious relationship (mine started earlier and ergo ended earlier ages wise). There are a bunch of people - because I’m bi so like there’s no gender applicable - whose names I can’t even remember. Like first names. I don’t know dudes I can’t recall all of them. I’d be mortified if the press kept a record of that (and Taylor is tbh but also girl ur a public figure we’re allowed to).

I’m a huge Taylor fan and I’m not into this ask and its weird misogynistic like semi slut shaming vibes at all tbqh.

[xnchxntmxnt]

please tell me this one is gonna send 🥹

HI VIC!! i’m here to join your Valentines + 2 years + 700 followers event :D (albeit a little late,,, i’m gonna throe a brick through tumblr’s hq windows /j)

i’m Poe, they/she pronouns!! personality-wise, i’m kinda awkward when i first meet people, but i typically warm up after i gauge their personality and spend like two weeks around them. i generally prefer interactions with lighthearted atmospheres. i’m big on physical touch, quality time, and gift giving, but i absolutely hate receiving gifts. roughly 60% of my personality is music, whether that’s listening or playing it. i’m also very food motivated. you could probably bribe me into marriage with food tbh

about my hobbies!! i love playing saxophone, marching, painting, sketching, listening to music, watching video essays on youtube, and writing from time to time! i tend to write poetry, but i do occasionally write more. my hobbies are probably my least interesting feature ngl :O

some date ideas i really like: aquarium/zoo date, concert (orchestra or ensemble) date, and hiking/geocaching date.

aaaand i’d like a matchup from demon slayer!!

love you sm vic /p and again congrats on 700 and two years!!

kjbgkjhbjk thank u for ur patience with this im so sorry

anyway. love ya hope you enjoy

your valentine's date is... KYOJURO RENGOKU

Honestly i think he really enjoys music too

I believe in rengoku & hearing loss hcs (unsure if its canon or not??) but even if he struggles to hear all of it, if its loud enough he likes the vibrations 

And he knows you enjoy it so he loves it

Anything for you

He knows how to be classy too

So he says to dress nice and he’s picking you up at 6

You guys head to a nicer restaurant for dinner and spend quite a while talking and chatting and then you head to the show (that is a surprise)

So walking into the concert hall is a shock and its so pretty with the golds and warm browns of the stage its just. Mmmph i love theaters and older buildings like this theyre so pretty

The orchestra takes the stage and begins to play, and you sit entranced for the hour or so they do

And he does the same, but he’s entranced by you

You’ve got stars in your eyes and honestly he adores it

The rest of the night afterward is full of you listening to tall that music on the trip home and him smiling listening to you talk about how much you enjoyed the night

He’s not doing a lot of talking but he’s just looking at you so, so in love 

Little blurb afterward because i said so. Also because domestic kyojuro rights 

“Thank you again for taking me out tonight, Kyo.”

“Of course, my dear! Did you enjoy yourself?”

“I think the last twenty minutes of me talking about it says something about the fact that I did.”

“Wonderful!”

The two of you are getting around to go to bed, him finishing brushing his teeth and you sitting on the counter waiting for him. He smiles at you softly, and you notice a bit of toothpaste on the corner of his mouth. 

“Hold still,” you say, reaching forward to wipe it off. He does as you ask, smiling softly at you when you wipe it off on the hand towel. “All better.”

“Thank you, my love,” he says, tone a bit softer than usual. “You know I love you, don’t you?”

“Of course. I love you, too.”

He hums in response, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to your forehead, then the tip of your nose, then finally your lips. His hands find yours while you sit on the counter, and he squeezes them gently. “Let’s go to bed,” he mutters, leaving a final peck on your lips. 

As he walks away, you realize (as if you hadn’t before) just how really lovely he is. 

[m1ckeyb3rry]

That’s a good idea….will start check marking….. I’m also realizing I think part of the problem was I actually do press send sometimes but if the connection is spotty and I don’t realize I close out tumblr and then it never ends up fully loading/sending properly….

SHSHS I cant imagine that’d be comfortable with the dizziness…well uh..at least it’s over now!! Haha…..

OUUU wait that’s a good take…..it’s kinda funny I think I remember Isagi and Yuta having the same mbti too?? Not sure how accurate the typing actually is but I thought that was funny LOL but IM CRYING LMAOOOO you really said I need some spice in my life let’s switch it up

Honestly I would not be surprised if that ended up being the case like….after every single time we’ve manifested something into existence I’d be more surprised if it didn’t get manifested into reality LMAO

SHEGSHS every now and then I think about how I’m blowing up your inbox but omg another special tag I’m so honored LOL hope the ideas prove useful for when you’re in a slump!!

AHAHAHA atp trying to guess your final wc should just be a game im sure its at least mildly frustrating for you but I can’t lie every time it happens I chuckle a bit especially when you post it with that one ant meme LMFAOOA

Oh em gee very excited!! Whenever that comes out im gonna reread part 1 to refresh first LOL it’s ok we gotta give our man a break from being protag he’s been going through it LMAOAO between getting insulted by the love of his life in fwtkac the whole freaky Friday conflict and now bfb where he’s been pining since he could walk I

Gotta bless the other sectors of the fandom with your work….give them a taste of your writing then they’ll discover your blog read the Karasu fics and join Karasu nation…that’s the end goal LMAO atp you’re just overseeing all of bllknation covering every base

Hsjshsj glad it went well!! Struggle because of motion sickness I assume? Manifesting very hard that that goes away soon…

GAGAMARU AND YUKI LMAOOO ok that’s a pair I was not expecting ngl it’s ok it’s the power duo one blind one and one with super vision /j actually I feel like that’d be really funny like…since yuki is also a model he has such a refined vibe and as we know is very well mannered while gagamaru spends a lot of the time in the woods in the wilderness fighting bears or something LOL such opposite vibes

Yeah…like I get the shock factor thing but tbh to me that still doesn’t “justify it” to me LOL like it was just so sudden?? And there’s still so many holes like how’d she suddenly just appear good as new minus the one eye…no I fully agree like it was so random, not lead up not even a hint from the past what like 30 chapters?? Like they really just decided to throw her back into the ring at the last second….like we haven’t seen her since Shibuya arc and she somehow just spawned back like make it make sense…..tbh I think the “shock my readers” thing is such a gege thing to do :,) considering all the other comments we’ve heard from him LMAO but yeah the execution was not it……jjk fandom is also scary I see people getting eaten alive for “hot takes”

LMAO safe from kaiserism today…tbh I can’t see myself actually converting BUT the compass >>> the whole animal shelter dog scene was Lowk so cute I love the use of the dog’s own background in paralleling kaiser’s own situation! But that line “she’s my mother but I’m not her son” LITERARY GENIUS but also I’m crying when they talk about marriage and a wedding I’m fr just imagining ness just standing there alone on kaisers side something about the scene just seems so funny to me

- Karasu anon

tumblr is so glitchy sometimes i can’t even blame you 😔 the amount of times i’ve thought i posted something and didn’t or someone will send an ask and i just won’t get a notification for it??? same with dms and then people think i’m ignoring them but that’s not my intention at all 😭💔

yess they do have the same mbti!! and so does hiori apparently 🤔 tbh i tend to like characters who are sassier because they’re more like me so they’re easier to write/connect with (asshole karasu 🤝 asshole mira) but realistically in a relationship you can only rlly have one person like that the other needs to be nice or else it’s just stressful 😭 irl whenever i meet people who match my freak toooo well i get annoyed because like why are we only being mean to each other but when people start to get too moral abt it it’s like “oh it was never that deep” LMAOAAO there needs to be a happy medium of someone who finds it funny and can throw a jab or two out there when necessary but for the most part they’re just chilling 😩 which lowkey IS isagi (and hiori) now that i think abt it but NOOOO if i convert to isagism what will become of me

HFJDJSSJ okay random kiyora headcanons speedrun (kaneshiro if you’re watching these are fire pls include them in the manga): he ran cross country for one year during the soccer off season and he liked it because he could listen to music during races but it wasn’t competitive enough for him so he quit, he’s lowkey fire at either knitting or crochet but no one knows (he’s not shy abt it though it’s just that no one talks to him for long enough to realize), and he got a pet umbrella cockatoo after watching the movie rio in theaters

NO I LOVE GETTING THE NOTIFICATION YOU SENT AN ASK it’s so fun to read them 🥹 and PLSS honestly it’s less frustrating and more just like 😨 whenever the word count gets crazy long because for the most part i’m just happy to be providing 😩 the only thing that worries me is when i take too long writing smth rlly long and people think i’m on hiatus 😭 like no i’m still here it’s just that this one shot is now novel length so…

okay wait genuinely multiple people have been converted to karasu nation because of me LMAOAOA especially bfb and fwtkac…honestly it’s a role i’m proud to play 🤩🙏🏻 but yes atm i need to expand my outreach/not make karasu suffer any longer he’s been through it in the miraverse as of late 😟 i’m excited for cherry tree pt2 i think it’s probably going to be shorter but very cute 🥹 which yk cute and rin don’t necessarily go together very naturally given how he is but trust i will make it work 🤩

HEAR ME OUT GAGAMARU AND YUKI / TARZAN AND JANE AU LMAOOOOO no it’s so perfect hold on i’m going to edit a screen cap of it once i’ve responded to this why does it fit uncannily well…i’ve convinced myself gagamaru and yuki besties number one bllk duo forget bachisagi or kunigiri or nagireo or tabieita or whatever 🥱 gagayuki the ONLY pair i care about (and karasu + shidou they’re cool too)

i completely agree although i’ve already seen people on all corners of the internet calling people who are dissatisfied with it brain dead or without reading comprehension/media literacy…that’s just how it’s going to be ig 😓 jjk to me has this problem where it’s simultaneously overhated AND overrated 🤔 because people do not realize there is a middle ground!! like no it’s not the worst manga ever and there are several high points + on the whole it is better written than several other animangas especially shounen ones however it is NOT peak fiction and it is definitely not the best thing to come out in recent times!! like people don’t realize you can criticize it and still not bash it/gege completely 😒 also i have to say it…a manga being popular ≠ good idk WHY that’s such a popular argument but things can be popular without being well written!! look at any number of ya dystopian novels from the 2010s for proof 😭 nobody’s denying that jjk is popular it’s just that that doesn’t automatically make it the best thing ever…i saw someone on tik tok say that a lot of jjk fans confuse hype moments/panels with good writing and i do think that that’s the case at times 🫣 but what do i know lol

tbh smth abt kaiser’s fuck ass haircut turns me off rlly bad like maybe if he still had the shaggy blond going on or if he put it in a bun more often i’d see the appeal but the rat tails are not it 😰 and LMAOAOAO PLSSS kaiser’s side at the wedding is just ness and noel noa (he was paid to be there) and both of them are just like 😐😐 the whole time HAHAHA they are not into it at all…maybe kaiser was onto smth when he said that they should just get married without any guests because imagine how awk it would be otherwise 😭

[cheesybadgers]

Narcos Fic: Trigonometry (Part 2: Cosine)

Part 1, Part 3  -  Read on AO3  -  Masterlist  

All In Universe Masterlist

Pairing: Horacio Carrillo x Steve Murphy x Javier Peña

(Parts 1 and 2 focus on Carrillo/Murphy, but part 3 will be Carrillo/Murphy/Peña)

Words: 4,983

Summary: With Javi still missing, Carrillo and Steve visit his apartment where tensions finally boil over (understatement lol). 

Warnings: 18+ ONLY. Weapons kink, gun play, power dynamics, praise kink, handjobs, frottage, masturbation, unprotected anal sex/fingering, biting/marking, dirty talk, spanking, comeplay, jealousy, denial of feelings, brief mentions of divorce and open marriage, inappropriate use of prayer (there’s a warning I never thought I’d use lol), mild angst, swearing, smoking, drinking.

Notes: I have no excuses for this tbh 😂 Although it ended up having more feelings in it than intended 👀 And there are plenty more shenanigans to come in the third and final part as well 😉

Whilst obviously I do not own Narcos or its characters, please do not copy, re-post, or plagiarize this fic in any capacity on this or other platforms. If you wish to create any fan works inspired by it, please provide a credit or send me a message if in doubt.

Part 2: Cosine

Carrillo’s seniority made it easy to arrange a helicopter to take them to Bogotá in quick time and with few questions asked. They were still reluctant to officially call it in and gave themselves a deadline of the following morning. That would make it at least 24 hours Javi had been missing, but they couldn’t think about that yet and preferred to see it more as an insurance policy.

Once back in Bogotá, they crossed the threshold of Javi’s apartment and shut the door behind them. The place seemed smaller now that it was just the two of them, as though the walls were closing in and there was no way out.

They both tried to ignore it in favour of looking for any clues instead. Although much like the absence of Javi in his own apartment, the negative space was the problem. The way that things which were unsaid or unaddressed were there nonetheless. It was the implied intimacy of Carrillo knowing his way around and of Steve and Javi having spare keys to each other’s apartments. It was the way the three of them had avoided each other since that fateful night, yet it was clearly all they could think about. It was the way Steve and Carrillo refused to talk about the worst-case scenario for Javi because then they would have to admit they had thought about it in the first place.

However, there was no sign that Javi had been here recently. His bed was still made, there were no messages or missed calls on his machine, and it didn’t look like anyone had broken in or taken anything. It was like the man had simply vanished.

Carrillo took two glass tumblers out of the drinks cabinet and filled them with whatever bottle Javier already had open. He slid one across the kitchen counter towards Steve, who eyed it with great suspicion.

“Don’t worry, I’m not poisoning you.”

Steve pinned Carrillo with a look of intense irritation but accepted the drink with a reluctant thanks.

Whilst Steve nursed his glass, Carrillo pulled his phone out of his pocket, dipped into Javi’s bedroom and closed the door.

Steve wasn’t intentionally listening, but it was hard not to be overheard in this place when the walls were so thin. From what he did catch, it was clear Carrillo was telling his wife he wouldn’t be home tonight.

Steve brought the tumbler to his mouth, suddenly hyper-aware of what else had been pressed against it only hours ago. And in Carrillo’s office several weeks before that. He tipped his head back and downed the lot in one.

Carrillo’s phone call was brief, and he soon returned to the kitchen. As far as Steve was concerned, he’d kept his face and body language neutral, but apparently not from the way that Carrillo was now glaring at him. A look that managed to convey My marriage is off-limits, you don’t know the first thing about our arrangement, and at least I still have a wife.

It worked for them, and that’s what mattered. Not that Carrillo had intended to become entangled with two DEA agents like this, but then he didn’t plan for lots of things around here. Given the intensity of their line of employment, he figured it was an occupational hazard. It didn’t mean he loved Juliana any less, and he didn’t have to explain that to anyone, least of all Murphy.

Whatever the look was had the desired effect as Steve immediately backed off and made to refill his glass. “So, what’s the plan, now?”

“We’ll give the place another once-over, just in case. And then we wait.”

“That’s it? We wait?”

“Yes, we wait. Unless you’ve got any better ideas?”

Of course, Steve didn’t. And he hated that he was deferring to Carrillo’s judgement so much as if he wasn’t a fucking police officer himself. “Fine. We wait.”

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It was well past midnight by the time they came to an impasse, their second search of the apartment throwing up nothing. They admitted defeat after they resorted to checking through Javi’s wardrobe and drawers as though he or any clues were hiding in them.

“I think we’re best just staying put here, for now. See if he turns up over the next few hours. If not, it’s time to call your boss.”

Steve gave a resigned sigh and sat down on the edge of Javi’s bed, resting his head on the heel of his hand. “Makes sense.”

He bent down to untie his laces and kicked off his boots.

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like?”

“You live upstairs.”

“Javi isn’t gonna turn up there though, is he? If you’re staying put here, then so am I.”

“You’ve gotta be shitting me. You have a phone, I presume?”

Steve rose from the bed with a scoff and turned to face Carrillo, who looked just as, if not more, murderous than back in Medellín.

“Nice try icing me out again.”

“If only.”

They stood dangerously close once again, Steve lowering his head just as Carrillo raised his, allowing them to square up to each other despite their significant height difference.

“Oh yeah, just try it.”

“Don’t tempt me.”

“Do your worst.”

Their lips were tantalisingly close, swallowing each other’s breath as their noses bumped together now that there was no knife to act as a barrier.

Neither wanted to be the one to instigate what they knew to be annoyingly inevitable by now. But somehow, they both surrendered at once, closing the gap and triggering an explosion of ferocious kisses, clashing tongues and harsh lip bites that left a metallic taste in their wake. There was nothing tender about it as they clawed at each other’s clothes, roughly shoving the other against Javi’s furniture as they undressed.

Jolts of arousal and guilt shot through each man as they ended up on Javi’s bed, distracting themselves from imagining the worst about the owner of the sheets they were now tangled up in.

They settled into a wrestling match, one pinning the other down by the wrists before overpowering him and reversing the position. Each battling to be in charge, much like their joint encounter with Javi. In the end, they compromised by lying on their sides. Large calloused palms seized around each other’s cocks, neither showing mercy as they groped, tugged and squeezed.

Carrillo laved his tongue along the expanse of Steve’s slender neck before clamping his teeth down and making Steve shiver and squirm.

For several blissful seconds, Steve couldn't react and merely leaned into it. His eyelids fluttered shut, and his head rolled back as he let the sensation consume him. Until he remembered who was the cause of it.

He came to his senses and retaliated by sinking his teeth into the thick muscle of Carrillo’s shoulder with a snarl. He sucked at the skin until it reddened beneath him, not caring that he had no doubt crossed a line by leaving a mark.

To Steve’s surprise, Carrillo groaned at the contact and twitched in his palm. So, he did it again, deepening the colour of the bruise until it was almost purple and glossy with saliva in the dim light of the bedroom. The primal noises he was drawing out of Carrillo were like nothing Steve had ever heard from him before, not even when witnessing him with Javi.

With Steve distracted by that curious thought, Carrillo took advantage and increased the speed of his strokes with one hand whilst clutching at Steve’s hair with the other.

“You’re such an arrogant pain in the ass,” he ground out through gritted teeth.

Steve gasped and shuddered at the lethal combination of Carrillo’s words and actions. “Takes one to know one.”

He tried to disguise how fucking good Carrillo’s fingers felt pulling on his scalp. But not well enough as Carrillo just did it harder, tipping Steve’s head back with force and eliciting a symphony of lascivious sounds from his throat. That was when it hit Steve why he had been so fascinated watching Carrillo work earlier that night. A fucked up thought he couldn’t analyse in the here and now, so he pushed it down and focused on the pleasure/pain of Carrillo’s ministrations instead.

“Guess I’ll have to shove my cock down your throat again to make you stop talking. Or maybe reacquaint you with my knife.”

Steve’s entire body spasmed at the mention of the knife, and there was no way Carrillo hadn’t noticed. He closed his eyes, drawing in calming breaths as he felt a familiar pressure in his balls, not wanting to give Carrillo the satisfaction. Not yet, anyway.

But Carrillo kept going. “Such a dark horse, Murphy. I always knew I could corrupt you if I had the chance. I wonder what else you’d let me do to you?”

To finally give voice to the fantasy Carrillo had harboured ever since Steve showed up in Colombia was intoxicating. Obviously, he hadn’t expected it to play out quite like this, and Javier had been the catalyst. But there was a satisfying sense of vindication about all of it.

Steve was breathless and overwhelmed by Carrillo’s sinful words, but he didn’t want this to be over. It was time to give Carrillo a taste of his own medicine.

“And what would you let me do to you, hmm? Don’t think I didn’t see the way you were lookin’ at my gun tonight.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Carrillo rasped with an uncharacteristic lack of conviction.

“Is that right?” Before he considered what he was doing, Steve moved off the bed to retrieve his jeans from the long-forgotten pile of clothes on the floor. He fished out his gun and resumed his place.

Carrillo carried an unreadable expression, but he accepted the gun Steve held out for him. Their fingers briefly connected in the process; an act that made them more nervous than the weapon in their hands. Carrillo took his time to ensure the safety was on and handed it back without saying a word.

Steve stared down at his palm, grappling with the notion of what was about to happen. What he was about to do. The incident with the knife was impromptu, in the open air, and they were both fully clothed. This was different; it was deliberate, premeditated, intimate. It was Carrillo putting his full trust in Steve. Something Steve had accepted might never happen. His ego was too fragile to admit how much it bothered him, but this blew past insecurities out of the water.

It was tempting to run away and lock himself in his apartment for the foreseeable. But he stepped outside his head for a second and paid attention to his body. To the way that his cock throbbed, and his stomach knotted with a new kind of arousal. Something undiscovered and unknown, but something that had probably laid dormant for longer than he realised. He looked up at Carrillo and saw the same hunger in his eyes.

So, Steve dived in head first, covering Carrillo’s form with his own, the gun placed on the sheets next to them for the time being. Steve kissed, licked and nipped his way up and down Carrillo’s torso. He had a newly found confidence zipping through him as he adjusted the speed, placement and pressure depending on Carrillo’s reactions. For a man that was usually stoic to the extreme, it was a power trip to loosen up the Colonel’s buttons like this.

When it was clear they both needed more, Steve gripped the gun in his right hand, checking once more that the safety was still on. He sat up so that he was straddling Carrillo’s thighs, the anticipation evident from the piercing gaze they shared, all the way to their heaving chests and flushed cheeks.

Steve used Carrillo’s forehead as a starting point. He slowly dragged the gun’s muzzle down the bridge of Carrillo’s nose, brushing over his Cupid’s bow and mouth but not lingering - not yet. He paused at his chin, where he increased the pressure and made Carrillo’s Adam’s apple bob again, much like in his office earlier that day. An event that may as well have been months ago for all that had happened since.

He continued his path down Carrillo’s chest and abdomen until he met the dark trail of hairs above his pubic bone.

Carrillo’s cock brushed against Steve’s wrist, causing him to push up against the cold metal of the gun. He let out a low grunt at the friction and badly wanted to do it again.

But Steve was too quick, and his free hand stilled Carrillo’s hips with one simple but effective motion. “Not yet.”

Carrillo’s eyes darkened at Steve’s whispered words that oozed with a quiet sense of authority, unsure whether to be impressed or threatened by the monster he had apparently helped create.

Steve so often expended unnecessary energy with the way he went about things. From what Carrillo had witnessed and what Javier had told him, he knew that Steve was handy with his fists, not afraid to throw his weight around to get what he wanted. Aggression for the sake of aggression, which wasn’t Carrillo’s style. He preferred more efficient methods. So, to see Steve exercise restraint and patience was more arousing than he cared to admit.

Steve re-tread his steps along Carrillo’s torso, branching left then right. Teasing each nipple in turn, like he was making a depraved sign of the cross on Carrillo’s body. Steve wasn’t usually a praying man, but figured there were exceptions to every rule.

In spite of his best efforts to conceal it, Carrillo trembled, every scrape of the gun raising goosebumps, his fists clenching into the sheets by the time Steve lifted it back up to his face.

He traced patterns over Carrillo’s cheeks before painting his lips with the muzzle. Top lip first, then bottom, where Steve waited for Carrillo to take the bait.

And Carrillo took it greedily, sucking it into his mouth with abandon, and this time when he bucked his hips, Steve didn’t stop him. Their grinding matched the rhythm of Carrillo’s mouth, the sweat coating their bodies adding to the slip-and-slide. The way Carrillo’s lips parted around the weapon planting ideas in both men’s minds that only spurred them on further.

Steve eventually removed the gun from Carrillo’s mouth, unable and unwilling to explain being hit by a wave of irrational jealousy over an inanimate object. Instead, he quickly replaced it with his lips, tongue, and teeth, the reticence from earlier no more. But Carrillo was as far gone as Steve and made no objection to the heated frenzy they were wrapped up in.

One of Carrillo’s hands found its way back to Steve’s hair and tugged. “I want you face down on the bed.”

The authoritative timbre of Carrillo’s instruction made it impossible for Steve to do anything but comply. Such few words were spoken, but each one was as efficient and controlled as the man behind them.

Steve lay face down on Javi’s sheets, the gun now forgotten on the nightstand. The scent of fabric softener and something undeniably Javi hit him whilst Carrillo temporarily shifted off the mattress. The rumble of a drawer was next, followed by the click of a lid opening and closing.

All Steve could hear was his pulse thudding in his ears and the heavy breaths falling from his mouth. Trepidation mounted as he contemplated Carrillo’s next move. Would he feel the warmth of skin on skin any second now or the cold barrel of a gun? And more to the point, which would he prefer? Right now, he couldn’t say. He just needed Carrillo to do something.

His questions were soon answered when his legs were swiftly parted. A thick finger coated in lube swiped between his cheeks, teasing over his entrance a few times before risking a light nudge.

Steve was almost embarrassed by his reaction to such a ghost touch, his limbs twitching as he moaned into the sheets.

“Look at you, Murphy. Like putty in my hand already. Think you can take it?” As he asked that question, his finger probed further and eased passed a slight resistance.

“You – you know I can.” Steve fought to keep his composure as the pressure increased on his cock trapped against the mattress. It would have been so easy to hump the bed, scratch an itch and move on, but he couldn’t do it. Much like when he had his back against a wall and a knife to his throat, he willed himself to keep still.

“How about another finger?” With one now buried in Steve, he teased in circles with the knuckle of another.

Steve’s fist thumped into the pillow above his head. “Fuck…yes.”

Carrillo halted his movements but didn’t withdraw. “Yes, what?”

Fucker. Absolute fucker. But Steve didn’t voice his annoyance. He let out a humiliating plea into the depths of the mattress, hoping that by burying his face into the sheets, he wouldn’t have to acknowledge what was happening to him.

No sooner had Steve given Carrillo what he wanted than Carrillo returned the favour. A second finger joined the first, stretching Steve out as he pumped back and forth in a steady rhythm. “That’s it, Murphy. Good boy. You take me so well.”

It was those two words again. Two words that forced Steve’s hand to grasp at the pillow and his ass to lift up to meet Carrillo’s fingers. Fuck. He was never going to live this down. He didn’t even know where it was coming from; or why it turned him on this much. Or why, despite his natural instincts to rebel against Carrillo, he not only craved his approval but also got off on his praise.

He couldn’t deal with examining that closer right now, so he flung his hips back harder this time, taking Carrillo by surprise. He did it again and again until he was fucking Carrillo’s fingers as much as Carrillo was fucking him.

Carrillo’s breath was coming in short, shrift bursts as he watched the spectacle below him. There was that thrill again from knowing he had this kind of effect on Murphy. Knowing that for all of his bravado, he wanted to please Carrillo. And a part of Carrillo got off on Murphy’s reaction to being praised too. It was a vicious circle he didn’t understand. So, as usual, it was far easier to compartmentalise and push it to the back of his mind.

He allowed Murphy to have his fun for a while, to give as good as he got because apparently that just seemed to be how things worked between them, no matter how much each man tried to get one over on the other.

That thought led Carrillo’s free hand to still Steve’s hips and position himself between Steve’s legs. He leaned forwards, his arms braced on either side of Steve’s ridiculously long frame, his cock teasing in the same way his fingers did.

Carrillo reached up to run his tongue along the shell of Steve’s ear, biting down on the lobe as Steve practically purred beneath him. “You still all in, Murphy?” he whispered. Another challenge, another gauntlet thrown down just begging to be picked back up again.

And it was one that Steve couldn’t resist. “If you are, I am.”

That was all the confirmation Carrillo needed to plunge forwards, a firm, deep thrust to start off with and gauge Murphy’s reaction.

Steve let out a laboured grunt as though he had just had the air knocked out of his lungs. This was new; not even Javi had done this with him. He and Connie had dabbled with fingers and toys a few times, but that hadn’t been like this. This was all muscles rippling and straining at his back, and balls slapping against his ass. It had been one thing watching Carrillo do this to Javi, but nothing could have prepared him for the force of nature currently pounding him into next week.

Encouraged by Murphy’s vocal enthusiasm, Carrillo didn’t hold back. Not like the way he restrained himself last time. He snapped his hips against Steve’s at a brutal pace, rolling them in firm circles and leaving behind a trail of bite marks.

All Steve could do was lie there and take it, too overwhelmed by new sensations he didn’t even know his body was capable of feeling. It was all so much. Too much. So, he pushed himself off the mattress, taking Carrillo with him.

They re-adjusted themselves but never pulled apart; both now sat up on their knees. It was ridiculous, but it allowed Steve to regain his height advantage. Although that was small mercy compared to the new angle Carrillo had found in this position. It caused Steve’s eyes to roll back in his head and wiped his mind of all thought.

Carrillo clasped Steve’s waist and cock simultaneously, stroking him in time with his thrusts. “Do you know what I told Javier that night once you were done with him?” He didn’t wait for a reply but held still inside of Steve. His hand kept moving, though, the frantic motions aided by streaks of precum glistening along Steve’s length. “I said next time I want to watch.”

“Fuck…” was all Steve could pant as he spasmed in Carrillo’s hold. “He - he’d love that,” he stuttered once Carrillo moved again. “I fucked him against the sink. Made him watch us through the mirror.”

The mental images running through Carrillo’s head were almost enough to make him come on the spot. He was so close now. “Glad our little show inspired you.”

“I told you, s’not my fault if you can’t keep him satisfied…oh fuck!” His little jibe earned him a sharp swat across the ass.

“And I told you, that mouth of yours was gonna get you in trouble.” Carrillo brought his hand down a second and a third time.

Steve bit his lip, swallowing the whine rumbling in his throat because he wasn’t done goading yet despite the hot sting spreading across his cheeks. “Maybe you just need to find a more effective way to shut me up.”

And with that, Carrillo gave Steve’s cock another once-over and lifted his hand to Steve’s face. He smeared his slicked fingers across Steve’s moustache and lips before shoving them into his mouth.

Steve didn’t know which memory to latch on to first; the one of him sucking Carrillo off in his office, the one of him licking Carrillo’s knife, or the one of Carrillo taking Steve’s gun into his mouth. A heady mix of all three combined with jerking himself off and Carrillo filling him up pushed him over the edge.

His free hand felt behind him and dug his nails into any part of Carrillo he could reach, scraping and scratching like a feral cat as he spilt over himself with a strangled groan.

Carrillo upped the ante as he relentlessly fucked into Steve, the grip on his waist enough to leave reminders in the morning. A hand appeared at Carrillo’s mouth, and he took the hint, sucking and licking as though he was a man starved.

It was the final straw as he let out a growl stifled by a vampiric bite into the flesh of Steve’s shoulder. Breaking barriers far beyond the surface of his skin, even if neither of them recognised it.

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They lay spent and breathless, silent and dazed for several minutes before they cleaned up, trying to push down the growing sense of shame that they had done this in Javi’s apartment. In Javi’s bed. When Javi was…well, wherever he was. It felt like a betrayal, although not in the traditional sense. It wasn’t so much that they regretted what they had done, but that they had done it without Javi. He was once again the negative space in the room.

They took turns to shower, the question of sharing never coming up. That would have been a step too far. Although, as they towelled off and put their underwear back on, they both caught the other in the act of staring. But they cleared their throats and continued as though nothing had happened.

Neither of them said anything when they got back into bed, ignoring that Steve had a perfectly decent double bed of his own upstairs. And Steve was also ignoring the fact that his own apartment and double bed hadn’t been the same since Connie left, and he dreaded most nights alone now. The two men still left a respectable distance between themselves, though, to the point where they were practically falling off opposite edges of the mattress.

Steve reached for his jeans on the floor once again. He shuffled around in the pockets until he found what he was looking for, trying to blink away the flashback he was already having of retrieving his gun just like this. The gun that now had traces of Carrillo’s saliva all over it.

He sat back up and pulled a cigarette out of the packet, offering the same to Carrillo.

Carrillo wordlessly took one, prompting Steve to lean over with his lighter. Their eyes briefly met over the flame, Carrillo mumbling his thanks before taking a long drag. The exhale he let out was more a sigh of relief than anything as the much-needed nicotine began to flow into his bloodstream.

Steve retreated to the safety of the other side of the bed to light up. They didn’t talk for several minutes, both lost in their own heads and ensuring to look anywhere but at each other.

“D’you think he’s alive?” Steve didn’t know what possessed him to ask that of all questions, but it slipped out before he could stop himself.

Apparently, Carrillo didn’t know what possessed Steve to ask that, either, and he gave him a withering look that said as much.

“Someone would have found him by now if he wasn’t. They’d have wanted us to know what they did,” he replied in the end.

Not many people knew the mind of a narco quite like Carrillo, and Steve had good reason to trust his judgement beyond his desperate need to cling to hope.

“What we gonna do if he doesn’t show up?”

Carrillo was more intent on savouring his cigarette than answering another of Murphy’s questions, and left him hanging for a moment. “Get some sleep. We’ll figure it out in the morning if we have to.”

To the casual observer, Carrillo’s words might have sounded cold. But even Steve could see the benefit of his pragmatism at a time like this. He could only imagine how much his mind would have spiralled if he had dealt with this alone. It was oddly comforting for Carrillo to refuse to indulge Steve in his anxieties because that wouldn’t help either man. The words Carrillo and comfort in the same sentence were not something Steve ever expected his brain to conjure up, and he wasn’t sure what to make of that.

“Right, yeah, of course,” was all Steve could manage in reply. He flipped the bedside lamp off, plunging the room into darkness, the only light now stemming from the digital clock on the nightstand and the dying embers of Carrillo’s cigarette.

Steve shuffled down beneath the sheets that still smelt strongly of sweat, sex and Javi but stuck rigidly to his small strip of mattress. He didn’t even dare lie on his back, stretch his long legs out, or fidget like he had the tendency to do when he couldn’t sleep, in case he strayed into foreign territory.

He knew Carrillo was still awake as he heard him stubbing out his cigarette in a nearby ashtray. It was followed by the mattress shifting and another deep sigh that had too many possible interpretations for Steve to guess which one was correct. Eventually, all fell still, and Steve couldn’t decide whether he was relieved or disappointed that Carrillo was apparently now asleep.

But that was the thing about stillness; it only took into account what was perceptible on the surface. It didn’t factor in hidden currents that were just as turbulent, if not more so than the visible ones. And what Steve didn’t know was that Carrillo was as wide awake as he was.

Carrillo was used to keeping a level head in a crisis, but even he had to admit he was struggling this time. Not that he could burden Murphy with his concerns. For some reason, he could see why Javier always felt the need to protect his partner. Even now, after Murphy had well and truly rolled around in the dirt with him, Carrillo felt a certain level of responsibility. A responsibility to find Javier but also to protect Murphy in Javier’s absence.

He clung to that reasoning when trying to justify why he had let himself be put in such a vulnerable position tonight. With someone he had always kept at arm’s length. Of course, he only did it to satisfy Murphy’s need for acceptance. Something Javier had been badgering him about for a long time. There couldn’t possibly be more to it than that.

Or at least that’s what he told himself when he slid his leg back into the negative space of the middle of the bed. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting to find, if anything. And for an agonising few seconds, his foot lay stranded in the void.

But just as he was about to withdraw and pretend it was an involuntary action whilst asleep, clammy skin found clammy skin. It was a tentative token of solidarity, and both men would deny it if they acknowledged it. But it was there, and it happened nonetheless.

[morifinwes]

wangxian fic rec list!

aka in which i read fics, write some recs down for aamna and share them!! they're all wangxian fics and uhh @yibobibo i hope you'll like them!!

modern

wolf devours playboy bunny by @greenteafiend (5K, werewolf!lwj, getting together, idk if anyone needs to know that but there's nudity just not uhh explicit)

Lan Zhan has wanted Wei Ying as long as he has known him, and the worst part is that he thinks Wei Ying could want him back.

Too bad he could never in good conscience let himself go there—Wei Ying has a debilitating fear of all things canine, and once a month, Lan Zhan is the exact, precise thing that Wei Ying’s nightmares are made of.

Aka, Lan Zhan is a werewolf.

between the lines by @jywait (19K gaming au!!!, i'm always down for a good gaming au, lwj is the best aksks he's such a good boy)

☆yilingpatriarch☆: pls...give me some face, help me fight these monsters...I'm gonna die

Bluetooth: no.

"You have died." The screen said, and Wei Wuxian threw his hands up in frustration.

resonant frequencies by chinxe (15K, college au, fake dating au, tw mention of cheating but it's brief and no one was cheated on i promise)

In which Wei Wuxian decides that the best way to deal with being in love with Lan Wangji is to pretend to date him for three weeks.

It goes about as well as can be expected.

drift compatible by windoworwhatever (5K, poetry, fluff, drunkji, getting together, college au)

"It was just a fact of life. The sky was blue, university stipends for graduate students working in TA positions barely covered rent, bisexuals cuffed their jeans, Lan Wangji had a massive crush on Wei Wuxian, and spent his time pining and writing research papers about gay subtexts in ancient poetry."

OR

Lan Wangji is in love with Wei Wuxian, and everybody knows, except Wei Wuxian.

the bunny next door by detailsinthefabric (43K, this is mostly fluff and very light angst, and they were neighbors!!!, rabbits!!, aka wangxian's bunny children, this is... so cute i just have to rec it)

Lan Wangji did not know what he was doing. He did not know what he was going to say. He was frozen in place, puzzling over the situation. Maybe he had made the man uncomfortable, which is why he wanted to leave? But his tone had still been so friendly—maybe…

“Would…” he paused, swallowed, forced the last words to come out of his suddenly parched mouth, “would you let me pet him?”

-------------------------------------

Lan Wangji, who doesn't know how to socialize and whose icy demeanor scares everyone away, lets down all his defenses when he meets the bunny next door...oh, and also its owner, Wei Wuxian.

leading tone by silencemostofall (32K, everyone is a music student? or something like that akskk, curse fic, tw panic attacks, tw child abuse, small scene of drunkji, wwx has low self esteem, bro this was so painful to read)

The first time you touch someone you're fated to love, you leave a mark on their skin. If they will love you in return, they'll mark you where you touched them. The deeper the color, the deeper the connection.

Wei Ying has no marks at all.

public places, private thoughts by leahelisabeth (for the love of camelot) ( 8K, cherry magic au, getting together with like... immediate upgrade to fiance status, the author is wrong i crave good wangxian cherry magic aus even tho i haven't even watched cherry magic)

Wei Wuxian had heard the story of course. It had made its rounds through his high school and followed him into his college days. He didn’t think there was any possibility it was true. Virginity was a social construct, invented by creepy old men to exercise dominance over women. The idea that a simple lack of sexual activity before the age of thirty could give one magical powers was absolutely ludicrous.

Wei Wuxian believed this until the morning of his thirtieth birthday.

AKA the Wangxian Cherry Magic AU that absolutely nobody asked for.

i'd be all right (if i could see you) by @thirtysixsavefiles (16K, this was nice, i read this at 6am but it was cute, (while writing this post i must admit i don't remember anything but 6am-me said it's good))

The younger Lan brother is something of an enigma on campus; while Lan Xichen can sometimes be seen in the company of other graduate students or conducting a seminar, Lan Wangji appears to spend all his time in class or in the library. He doesn’t drink. He doesn’t smoke. He doesn’t attend social events. He doesn’t do anything for fun, as far as Wei Wuxian can tell, and it’s driving Wei Wuxian just a little bit up the wall.

Or, Wei Wuxian convinces Lan Wangji to come to a house party, and then they're assigned to the same group project. Wei Wuxian tries his best, but he is not in possession of all the facts.

axe on leg by itszero (4K, i still don't get why wwx did that but it was nice seeing him jealous for once, jealous!wwx, lwj i love you....)

Wei Wuxian pressed his face into his pillow and screamed. He paused to take a few deep breaths, partially hindered by the pillow, and listened to the sounds of Nie Huaisang slurping his iced coffee, from his seat on Wei Wuxian's desk chair.

Having caught his breath, he resumed his screaming and did not stop at the sound of his dorm room door opening.

"What's wrong with him?" He heard his brother, Jiang Cheng, ask.

The slurping stopped. "He's an idiot."

"He's always been an idiot. Why is he bothered about it now?"

"He forced Lan Wangji to go on a date," Nie Huaisang replied, shaking the ice cubes in his drink.

"Okay and…?"

"With someone else." The slurping resumed.

Wei Wuxian, in all his glorious dumbassery, convinces his boyfriend to go on a date with someone else.

these two most powerful by @stiltonbasket (4K, amnesia, wangxian with children!!!, aksksk this was adorable, dadji!!)

When Lan Wangji went to bed last night, he was alone in a tiny guest room with nothing but the howling of the wind in the mountains and his own lonely thoughts for company.

 

But when he opened his eyes in the morning, Wei Ying was asleep beside him.

 

(In which Lan Wangji loses twenty years' worth of memories after a night-hunt gone wrong, and his life as a doting father and husband continues without a hitch somehow.)

good things come to those who wait [but i ain't in a patient phase] by @cerlunas (4K, getting together, pining lwj)

Lan Wangji can't take it anymore.

 

“I love you”, he says, and god, it feels terrifying. “I’ve been in love with you for a long time.”

“Lan Zhan…” Wei Wuxian starts, but Lan Wangji doesn’t want to hear it.

He grabs his cup and drinks everything. He doesn’t know what face Wei Wuxian is making at him right now, and it’s okay. 

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian repeats louder, but it’s too late. He is already falling asleep.

Or, even after 13 years, Lan Wangji is still in love with his best friend. Maybe it's time to open up.

wei ying, will you marry m- oh my god he swallowed the ring! by selene210 (2K, marriage proposals, crack, marriage proposals but.. they go wrong)

“A ring?”

And indeed it was. The ring Lan Wangji was going to propose to Wei Ying with. That the man had now choked on.

“You swallowed it.”

“It was in my soufflé! Why did you put a ring in my soufflé Lan Zhan- oh. oh”

of glittery valentine's cards by @soft-fics (3K, valentine's day, this was adorable aksk, a-yuan best boy!!)

Lan Zhan didn't want to know what his best friend had planned for Valentine's Day; his heart would simply not be able to handle it. When his son tells him that he made Wei Ying a Valentine's Day card, though, Lan Zhan decided to bring it over anyway.

of coffee and white tea by @soft-fics (9K, fluff, lwj doesn't like coffee, wwx buys him coffee, then they switch drinks, again and again and again, the staff ships it lmao, tbh jc shouldn't have done that like wtf)

For the fourth time this week a stranger orders him a cup of coffee. Lan Wangji wonders how exactly to tell this man to stop ordering him coffee he doesn't even like. Turns out, buying the other white tea and switching drinks is not the best way to go about it

canon setting

on the importance of restraint (or lack thereof) by nixthothou (4K, in which sizhui snaps, i love that boy, no like seriously he's the best boy)

Lan Sizhui does not usually find himself in the company of Sect Leader Jiang.

Suffice to say, Lan Sizhui's feelings toward him are conflicted.

lan wangji is wei wuxian's baby by lilycs (3K, i was craving fluff while reading this, lwj my beloved, drunk!lwj)

Lan Wangji gets drunk from barely a cup of alcohol, becoming a whiny baby and asking his husband for cuddles.

one of our own by glitteringmoonlight (8K, wei wuxian & lan sect, 5+1 things, in which they learn to love him, they're all part of the wwx protection squad lead by lwj, wangxian isn't the focus but !!! THIS)

Times change, but some people remain the same.

The Lans are nothing, if not aware of this.

For one of their own, they will stand against the world.

Or, 5 times the Lans defended Wei Wuxian, and the 1 time he was there to see it happen.

so why not crack your skull when the mind swells by @greenteafiend (13K, love curse, post cql canon, curses, getting together, fluff, so much fluff, lwj tries to talk about his emotions!, lwj pov)

Lan Wangji detects the curse trying to curl through his heart meridians like smoke. A love curse, then. It must have been cast remotely somehow to have found him in his bed in Cloud Recesses. No matter. Lan Wangji crushes it easily, enveloping it in his spiritual energy, and then squeezing. Curse averted, Lan Wangji closes his eyes and goes back to sleep. He thinks no more of it.

Two days later, Wei Wuxian arrives in Cloud Recesses.

Or, Wei Wuxian is cursed to feel terrible pain when he and Lan Wangji aren’t touching.

i started from the bottom / now i'm rich by x_los (57K, time travel, fix it, jealous lwj, crack treated serious, god this is so good tho, wwx/wrh & wwx/jgs but like as a joke and it doesn't really happen, but it has its purpose!!)

“First, you get the money. Then you get the power, respect - hos come last.”

 

Wen Qing traps Wei Wuxian in the Demon Slaughtering Cave, but Wei Wuxian isn’t interested in being the beneficiary of the Wen Remnants’ noble sacrifice. His efforts to free himself accidentally send him back to the beginning of the Sunshot Campaign. Coreless but armed with demonic cultivation, knowledge of the future and his wits, Wei Wuxian takes advantage of this opportunity to come out on top of both the war and its aftermath—before either has a chance to happen—by marrying and swiftly burying the cultivation world’s worst men.

Lan Wangji is confused, hurt, and uncomfortably aroused by Wei Wuxian’s improbably elaborate series of Sect-themed bridal negligees.

lead me on through by mrsronweasley (55K, they're in love your honor, arranged marriage but they don't know to whom, basically wwx & lwj want to practice kissing which then goes beyond kissing but not the whole way y'know, lxc the best wingman tho)

"Who do you think your betrothed is?" Wei Wuxian asks, sprawling out in front of Lan Zhan and enjoying the prim thinning of his lips at the question. He shouldn't be sprawling—they're in the library, for one, and Lan Zhan is studying, for another—but he can't help himself. Wei Wuxian is a sprawler.

"I do not believe this to be of importance," Lan Zhan responds, without turning his gaze away from his book.

"What!" Wei Wuxian sits up. "How can you say that? Of course it's important! This is the person you'll be with for the rest of your life, Lan Zhan."

[localgenius]

The Romance of the Pear 

Sorry I’ve been mia for the last couple of months! I’ve just finished high school so that has been taking up most of my focus, but in the meantime I’ve been working on this! I don’t really know what it is tbh, but I’ve enjoyed writing it and I hope that you’ll enjoy reading it!

A story about Spencer being in love with the reader, and the reader being in love with Spencer 

tw: mentions of rape, murder, horrific actions towards women, swearing

Spencer Reid x fem!reader (13.2k) (the app might crash, so it can be an idea to read on a browser!)

The sky outside of the windows was painted a gloomy grey, raindrops falling and hitting the glass of the windows, making them the only noise in the otherwise quiet office.

Y/N was sitting at her desk, her hand fiddling idly with one of her pens as she read over one of the cases she was designated to counsel on. The knitted cardigan around her shoulder helped her to not feel the impending chill from the poor weather, and her feet had abandoned the heels and had found purchase under her body on her chair.

“Good morning sunshine,” a voice pulled her eyes away from the details of horrific killings of prostitutes in the case files.

“Morning Emily,” she smiled back, feeling her mood brighten just the slightest.

“Why are you in so early on a Monday?” Emily asked as she dropped her things down by her already cluttered desk, before she made her way over to take a seat on the edge of Y/N’s desk.

“Oh, I had to talk with Knightly down at sex crimes about this case,” she pointed down at the open case file, not protesting when Emily moved to lift it up to have a look. “And he’s going to Texas at nine, so I had to come in earlier.”

“He carves hearts into their chests?” Emily asked with disgust in her voice after she placed the file back down on the desk.

“Yeah,” Y/N dragged out the word, as she leaned forward to rest her face in her hands. “But not before he rapes and sexually mutilates them. Charming fella.”

“Sounds like a real prince charming,” Emily laughed before she moved to the kitchenette.

“Good morning Prentiss, Y/L/N,” a third voice entered the conversation as Hotch made his way through the glass double doors, rain droplets decking his coat, in a way that reminded Y/N of the way flower petals looked after a storm.

“Morning sir,” Y/N smiled at him and watched him close himself into his office for the day. 

“Why hearts though,” Emily said as she came back to reclaim her spot on the edge of the desk.

“I really don’t know,” Y/N grumbled while she leaned back in her chair, “there’s the obvious correlation with love, but the way he treats them screams anything but love and affection. So, my guess is that it has something to do with the view of prostitutes and sex. You know, maybe he believes that sex is a sin, and the only right way to have sex is in marriage, and these prostitutes just throw out their love every time they’re with a new john. But I’m honestly as lost as you are.”

“That’s a good theory,” Emily bounced back, “many people do call it ‘making love’, so if the unsub thinks that the prostitutes are just selling their bodies without a care about love, he might do it to symbolize the love that they could never have.”

“Right,” Y/N was quick to scribble it down on the page as a possible motive for the signature, “thanks Em.”

“Did you know that the shape of the symbolic heart as we know it today originated in the bottom corner of a manuscript called ‘The Romance of Alexander’ dated around 1340?” a voice spoke behind them, as it moved across the room.

“Good morning Spencer,” both Y/N and Emily said, Y/N’s eyes still locked on the file she was scribbling in. “And no, I didn’t know that” Y/N said when she was done writing, letting her eyes meet his across the divider between their desks, as Emily scurried back to her own desk to avoid being a part of the incoming info dump.

“Yeah, and the first illustration of the amorous heart was in 1250 in a picture called ‘The Romance of the Pear’, where a pear, eggplant or pinecone, there is some debate, is an allegory for the heart,” he continued as he dropped his satchel by his desk and sat in his chair before turning on his monitor.

“A pear?” Y/N asked softly, letting her fingers start to mess with the pen again.

“Hm,” Spencer continued, his honey eyes meeting hers. “In western culture the pear is also a symbol of female erotic.”

“Ooh,” Derek’s voice interrupted the quiet moment, breaking the sweet gaze between the two profilers. “Female erotic, my field of expertise.” 

“Jesus,” Y/N laughed and turned away from Spencer to face Derek as he draped his jacket over the back of his swirly chair. “Have you just dropped chivalry all together now, or what?” 

“What?” Derek asked, as Emily joined in Y/N’s laughter, “I’m just being honest. What are you and pretty boy doing speaking about female erotic at 8:30 on a Monday morning anyway?”

“I was just telling Y/N the symbolism of pears,” Spencer said, not removing his eyes from the monitor, where he was checking his emails against his will.

A smile tugged on Y/N’s lips when she remembered him coming back from being called to Hotch’s office and telling her that he was being forced to get an email account by the bureau. Both Y/N and Penelope had helped him set it up, and he had countless times sheepishly asked Y/N to help him write out a reply.

“Ah yes,” Derek teased as he took a seat in his chair, “symbolism of pears. Just a regular conversation topic on this gloomy Monday morning.”

“I don’t even want to know how on earth you got around to that topic,” Rossi added when he came walking past the clutter of desks.

“It was just-“ Y/N started to explain the obscure conversation topic as Rossi moved up the short flight of stairs.

“No! Don’t wanna hear it,” Rossi called back as he closed his office door.

The four agents shared a look of amusement as they all started on their designated work for the day, the raindrops still trailing down the planes of glass of the windows.

After an hour of silence, only occasionally being interrupted by an agent coming or going or a phone call, Y/N felt herself becoming more and more disheartened by the case on her desk. After having worked at the BAU for approximately a year now, she would have thought that she would have gotten used to the evil the team faced on a daily basis. But something about this guy, ruthlessly raping and killing innocent women, hit her a bit different than she had anticipated.

Letting her feet down from her chair she put them back in her shoes before walking over to the kitchenette to make herself a cup of tea as a comforting hug.

As she stood idly twirling the spoon around in the hot water while waiting for the sugar to dissolve, she heard the signature sound of heels thumping against the floor.

“Good morning my dear angel,” Penelope greeted cheerfully as she came in with her pink octopus mug. Penelope had seemingly decided to take it upon herself to be the sun on the gloomy day; her bright yellow dress making Y/N smile and momentarily forget the case that was patiently waiting for her back at her desk.

“Good morning Pen,” Y/N said and leaned against one of the cupboards as she watched Penelope make her daily green tea. “How was your weekend?”

“Oh, it was lovely,” she exclaimed as she poured hot water into the mug, “I babysat Henry which is always a blast, and then I went shopping and I found the cutest earrings in this small shop. I have to take you at some point!” Penelope said, letting her words come out a mile a minute, only making Y/N’s heart grow lighter. 

“I would love that Pen,” Y/N said as they started to make their way back to Y/N’s desk.

“Morning baby girl,” Derek said as he swirled his chair to look at the two girls coming back.

“Morning chocolate thunder,” Penelope said as she perched herself on the edge of his desk. “What did my wonderful Captain America replica do this weekend?” 

As the two of them lost themselves in their daily flirtations Y/N made her way back to her desk, only to find the dreaded file missing from its place. She looked around confused, before seeing the familiar pictures over on Spencer’s desk, where he was writing at lightning speed.

“Spence?” Y/N asked softly, but before she could continue, he closed the file and handed it back over to her. He simply gave her a quick, tight-lipped smile before he turned back to his own mountain of paperwork.

Slowly, not taking her eyes from the genius across from her, she opened the file, and saw how he had completed the file for her. His chicken scratches took over where her handwriting had stopped. The time pressure he had been under was clear in the simple short sentences he had scrawled down at the bottom.

Before she could exclaim her gratitude, a bimble came from Penelope’s cell phone and she let out a sad sigh before getting up from her seat on Derek’s desk.

“Duty calls avengers,” she said as she moved to Hotch’s office, while the others started to go to the briefing room. 

Before Y/N could get up, Spencer had already bounced up the flight of stairs and was quickly making his way to the briefing room.

-

“We have an icky case on our hands this time, my dear crime fighters,” Penelope said as she stood by the screen, remote ready in her hand. “Last night, a civilian found a leg wrapped in garbage bags when she took out the trash in central Indianapolis. The leg belonged to Louise Obsen, a 28 year old accountant. The remaining parts of her body were found wrapped in a similar way, dumped in various dumpsters around the block.”

The silence stretched across the briefing room as everyone took in the gruesome details of the murder.

“The dismemberment could be a forensic countermeasure,” Spencer said as he glanced over the file, “it’s easier to hide parts of the body than a whole body.”

“Do we know how the unsub dismembered the bodies?” Emily asked as she flipped through the pictures.

“Yes,” Penelope said as she swallowed harshly as she pressed a button on the remote. “The coroner says the limbs were removed with a standard saw, nothing special. But all of this happened postmortem, the COD was a gunshot to the back of the head.”

“Execution style,” JJ mumbled, “is this the only victim?”

“No,” Hotch said, eyes focused on the case file, “two weeks ago the Indianapolis PD found a young woman, Emma Day, dismembered and discarded in the same way. She was 29”

Penelope clicked on her remote, but she kept her eyes looking straight ahead. Y/N noticed the clear look of discomfort in her eyes, and silently reached down under the conference table and gave her hand a gentle squeeze of comfort.

“They certainly look alike,” Derek chimed in as he looked at the two women on the screen. “Pretty girls with black hair in their late twenties; they’re probably surrogates for the unsubs' real target.”

“What did Emma do for a living Pen?” Y/N asked, her hand still wrapped around Penelope’s.

“She worked as a caretaker at a residential facility, by all accounts she was very well liked there. Both of them were, in fact.” 

“Both low-risk victims,” Rossi pondered as he closed his file, “that means that he probably doesn’t appear as a threat.”

“Which makes him all the more dangerous,” Hotch said as he collected his files, “wheels up in 30.” 

- 

The plane ride was mostly silent after the team had gone over the case once more.

Y/N was sitting by the window, book laying open in her lap, but her mind was flying with the fluffy clouds outside of the window.

One of her hands was fiddling with the pendant of her necklace as she observed the way the ground was moving underneath the jet.

“Metamorphoses,” a gentle voice pulled her out from her reveries, and her eyes drifted away from the window to see Spencer take the seat across from her, holding a cup of strawberry tea out to her.

“Excuse me?” she asked softly, still a tad too lost in her own head to be able to catch up with him.

“Your book,” he said, gesturing to the book in her lap. “You’re reading Metamorphoses.”

“Oh yeah,” she laughed, moving to shut the book and rest it on the table in between them. “I uh,” she started as she straightened up in her seat, “I took a class in classics at university, and I found my notes a few weeks back, and I remembered how much I loved Ovid’s writing and his stories, so I went and bought it this weekend.”

“Which one is your favourite?” Spencer asked softly, taking a sip from his own mug, undoubtedly filled to the brim with a concussion of coffee and sugar.

“Do you promise you’re not going to judge me?” Y/N asked, as she teasingly raised her eyebrows as she also took a sip of her mug.

“I promise,” Spencer laughed incredulously, “I would never judge anyone who voluntarily reads Ovid.”

“Okay fair enough,” she said and let both of her hands wrap around the mug to get some heat into her hands. “It’s probably ‘Apollo and Daphne’, very unoriginal, I know.”

“No, no uh-,” Spencer was quick to sit up straighter and lean on over the table while I cleared his throat, “that one’s really good. I love it too actually.”

“You do?” Y/N asked, unconsciously leaning in closer to Spencer.

“Yeah,” he said breathlessly, “I find that there’s something beautiful in loving someone who will never love you back.”

“Beautiful?”

“Yeah, you see, it’s kind of like the oldest story known to man. Unrequited love. And I don’t know, I guess I just know the feeling. To love something that’s so far out of my reach,” he explained softly, letting his eyes fall to the coffee in his mug.

“Spencer,” Y/N mumbled softly, letting her hand creep closer to where he was gripping his mug tightly. “Nothing will ever-“

But before she could finish her sentence Emily popped up and interrupted the two of them.

“We’re landing in ten, Y/N you’re with me, we’re going to go to the different dumpsites.”

“Yeah, okay,” Y/N said breathlessly, as she watched Spencer quickly regain his posture and leaned back in his seat as he fastened his seatbelt, pretending that he hadn’t just shared something that would now be permanently engraved into Y/N’s brain.

-

“What were you and Reid talking about on the jet?”

The question pulled Y/N out of her thoughts as she was reading over the case fil once more before they arrived at the first dumpsite.

“Huh?”

Emily turned her head to quickly glance at the younger agent next to her, her sunglasses covering her mischievous eyes.

“On the jet,” she further went on, “you both looked like you were seconds away from imploding from feelings.”

“Oh,” Y/N laughed awkwardly, straightening up her back, trying to square up a bit unconsciously. “We were just talking about this book I’m reading. He just gave an interesting input on one of my favourite stories.”

“Really,” Emily teased, carefully driving into the parking space next to the alley. 

“Yeah, just talking about books,” Y/N said as she jumped out of the SUV, shutting the heavy door behind her.

The gloomy weather had thankfully stayed behind in D.C., leaving the team to soak up the lovely spring sun that shined overhead in them in Indianapolis.

“What was that about unrequited love then?” Emily continued to press on as they walked over to the group of policemen standing by the dumpsters.

“It’s the theme of the story,” Y/N grumbled before swiftly putting on a smile as a young man headed towards them.

“You must be with the BAU,” the man started as he held out his hand for the two of them to shake. 

“Yes, agents Prentiss and Y/L/N,” Emily said as she shook his hand, “Are you the lead detective on the case?”

“Yes, detective Michaels,” he said as he lifted the yellow police tape for the three of them to step under.

“Nice to meet you,” Y/N said softly smiling at him, while Emily softly laughed and shook her head to herself at the young agent when she saw Michaels already developing what the team had dubbed ‘Y/N eyes’.

One of the things that the team noticed when Y/N Y/L/N had joined the team was her extreme kindness. It challenged even Penelope’s something that they hadn’t thought was possible. When they all first had been introduced to each other Y/N had made sure to look at each individual team member like they were the sun, her attention focused solely on the profiler in question. On every case the team had worked Emily hadn’t once experienced Y/N kindly greet the detectives working on the case, and often gave them her sweet smile that made everyone melt in their spot – often resulting in them giving her ‘Y/N eyes’ the rest of the case.

Her kindness had especially seemed to do a trick on the resident genius of the BAU; a fact abundantly clear for all of the team members except for the two of them. While the remainder of the team never was rude or unkind to him, they never seemed to engage with him the same way she did. There was a willingness to hear him ramble on about the most obscure things, a gleam in both of their eyes when they would talk about their favourite books in hushed voices on the jet when they thought everyone else was asleep.

“How long had the leg been out here before it was found?” Emily asked, breaking the detective out of his gaze locked on Y/N.

“Uh,” he said as he started to fumble with the notepad as Emily and Y/N shared a quick smile as they survived the dumpsters littering the area. “The coroner says about 24 hours.”

“So he dumped it in the evening the previous day,” Y/N said as she glanced around the alley. “How many buildings have access to the alley?”

“Three, these two facing this street,” the detective said as he pointed to the street Emily and Y/N had come from, “and then the other one facing that one,” he said as he pointed down the alley to the street at the other end.

“There’s a good chance that he owns a van,” Y/N said as she moved her sunglasses to the top of her head as they got deeper into the alley where her vision wasn’t obscured by the sunlight. “He could back in, get out, take the limbs out from the back and discard them quickly before being on the move again. It would just look like a guy throwing out trash for anyone passing by at that hour.”

“You’re right,” Emily said as she walked back over to Michaels and Y/N. “He discards them like trash, no signs of remorse of any kind.”

“What does that mean?” Michaels asked as they walked out of the alley and on their way to the next dumpsite.

“That he hates women,” Emily and Y/N said in unison, as they continued their tread down the silent street.

-

“It would be a good idea to have your officers make a door to door on the surrounding buildings of the two dumpsites,” Y/N said as she and detective Michaels walked into the precinct. 

“Why?” He asked while holding the door open for her.

She shot him a small grateful smile as they made their way to the conference room the team had made their office for the coming time. “There’s a chance that some of the residents saw or heard something without knowing its importance, so just have them ask if they remember seeing or hearing anything on the evening of the 15th.”

“Will do agent,” he smiled back at her, and held the door to the conference room open for her as well. 

As they walked into the room, they saw the entire team sitting around it, all with their heads deep buried in their case files, or in Spencer’s case, a map, and a plethora of coffee cups covering the table. 

“What did you get from the dump sites?” JJ asked when she lifted her head to take a generous sip of her coffee. 

At the sound of JJ speaking the entire team turned their heads to see who had joined them in their small room.

Y/N smiled and moved to take a seat in the chair between Rossi and Spencer. “We think he might own a van; the alleys are big enough for a van to back in there and block the view from the street. Emily stayed back to interview a woman that said she remembered a loud noise that evening.”

“That’s good,” Hotch said without lifting his eyes from the case file. “He might work as a carpenter, if he has a van and that his preferred method of dismemberment is with a saw.”

“But wouldn’t that still be a huge number?” Morgan asked as he sat back in his chair while twirling a pen between his fingers. “In a city like Indianapolis the number of carpenters must be quite significant.”

“You’re right,” Rossi mumbled before pulling his phone out, before pressing the familiar buttons.

“The oracle of Quantico at your service sir,” the chipper voice of Penelope blasted through the speakers of the phone, making everyone around the table break out a small smile.

“Garcia, how many carpenters are there in the hunting zone of the unsub?” Rossi asked.

“Uh, quite a bit sir,” Penelope said as she typed her fingers off on her end. “Do you have any other parameters so I can narrow this down?”

“Based on victimology he would be in his late twenties to early thirties, white and would own a dark van.”

“I will do my best sir,” she said as adieu, before she hung up.

The team went back to looking over the case files after Hotch directed Michaels to start door-to-door, silence taking over the room as they all looked over the clues hidden in the papers.

“Guys,” Emily said when she hurried into the room half an hour later, “I talked to a woman who said that she heard a noise the night the unsub dumped Louise’s leg, and she said she saw a dark van just like Y/N theorized, and she said there was a logo on it. So, I called Garcia and she tracked down the carpenter firm to be ‘Better Builders’.”

“Okay,” Hotch said, going up the board before looking over the collected evidence. “Reid, Y/L/N could you go talk to the owner of the firm? Go see if there are any employees that match the profile.”

“Yes sir,” they both said in unison as they started getting up from their chairs. 

Spencer held the door open for Y/N when they walked out of the room, shy smiles exchanged between them as they moved through the precinct. The sun was still shining bright when the two of them exited the station, silence stretching thin between them, leaving them trapped in the space of their own minds.

“Have you gotten something from the geographic profile?” Y/N asked to break the silence between them as Spencer turned on the car and started to drive away from the station.

“Huh?” Spencer asked, seemingly too lost in his own head to having registered that he had been asked a question.

“The geographical profile?” she asked softly, letting her eyes trail over his profile.

“Right,” he exclaimed softly, “and no, not really. Just uh, that he probably lives or works in the area between the two dumpsites, but unfortunately-”

“We won’t be able to be more specific until we have another victim,” Y/N finished for him, letting out a sigh before turning her gaze out of the windshield. 

“Yeah,” Spencer said softly, letting them drive in silence for a while.

Y/N sat with her head leaning against the headrest as she saw the city of Indianapolis pass them by, visions of mutilated women flying through her mind. She thought that after a year of working at the BAU she would have developed a thicker skin, just like the rest of the team. But she was still feeling nauseous every time she saw women being brutally mutilated and felt her heart break and tears press on when a child fell victim to the horrible desires of adults.

“Are you okay?” Spencer asked softly when he noticed how silent she had become on the drive. 

“Yeah,” she mumbled back softly, mind still sifting through the awful images haunting her mind. “Just thinking about what kind of monster could do this to innocent women.”

“That’s the question that keeps us in business,” Spencer joked light-heartedly, trying to get rid of the tension inside of the SUV.

“You’re right,” she joked along, “as always.” She felt the corners of her lips twist upwards when he barked out a laugh. “And I guess,” she continued softly, “I’m just wondering when I will stop being so soft.”

“What do you mean?” he asked genuinely when they stopped at a red light, cars piling behind them.

“It’s just,” she tried to gather her thoughts to the best of her abilities, feeling the pressure of his gaze on the side of her face. “I’ve been with this team for almost a year, and I still feel sick on cases like this. I still sometimes cry in the bathroom,” she laughed, hoping to reduce the melancholy air in the car. “I wonder if I’ll ever develop thicker skin like the rest of you guys.”

Her words hung in the air for a moment too long for her liking, before Spencer cleared his throat.

“Y/N,” he started softly, gently starting to step on the gas again, “you don’t have to develop thicker skin. You don’t have to do anything. Your gentleness and kindness are great virtues, that makes you who you are. Your empathy and love for everyone around you makes you the wonderful person that you are, and I think that they make you such a good profiler,” he explained, never letting his eyes stray away from the road. “I think sometimes the rest of us become immune to the monstrosities that we see, but you, and Penelope,” he interjected quickly, making a burst out a small laugh while her eyes glazed over with tears, “reminds us what it’s like to be human. To just want to make the world beautiful for everyone else.”

She kept her eyes fixed on him as he spoke. His gentle eyes still fixated on the road before them, his hair curling delicately around his ears. His lips had formed a kind smile as he spoke, and his hands were gripping tightly on the steering wheel as he navigated through the foreign city.

“That’s very nice of you Spence,” she whispered softly, “thank you.”

“There’s no shame in being soft,” he continued while he drove around to find a parking spot. “It’s a gentle reminder that you’re human, that we’re all human. And I’m very happy that you are the way you are, and I wouldn’t want you to change yourself for anything.”

He parked the car and the two agents just sat in the car for a moment longer. Each one basking in the softness of the love filled moment, each pair cheeks flushed red and fingers tingling with amorous sparks.

“Can I hug you?” Y/N asked gently, breaking the delicate silence.

“Uh,” Spencer cleared his throat before nodding his head, “yeah, yeah you can.”

She slowly undid her seatbelt before cautiously moving over the centre console and let her arms wrap around his shoulders.

She felt his arms slowly but surely slither their way around her waist, before he let his head fall and rest in the crook of her neck. His hazel curls were tickling her soft cheek, emitting a small giggle from her from the joyous sensation. He started to giggle softly along with her, their laughs dancing together in the vast space of the SUV.

“Thank you for finishing my consultation,” she whispered into the fabric of his cardigan, letting the scratchiness bring her comfort. She felt him scrunch up the fabric of her cardigan, before he nodded against her shoulder.

“Of course,” he mumbled before starting to release her from his grip, “any time.”

“We should go out there,” she said when they had pulled away, dopey smiles painting both of their faces. “And find that monster.”

“Yeah,” he said and opened his side door, “let’s get him.”

-

“It turned out that there weren’t any carpenters working for ‘Better Builders’ that matched the preliminary profile, yet the owner of the firm could confirm that one of their vans had been stolen about two weeks prior to the first murder,” Spencer said as he and Y/N walked into the room where Hotch and Morgan was sitting. 

“Did they report it?” asked Morgan with his hands resting on the back of his head as he leaned back in his chair. 

“Yeah,” Y/N said, as she took a seat on one of the swirly chairs, “I asked Michaels if he could pull up the report to see if there are any leads.”

“Good,” Hotch said before the sound of his ringtone cut the conversation short, “what do you have Garcia.” 

“Sir,” she started, the sound of her clicking on the keyboard clear through the mic, “I found something funky regarding the two victims. So at first I couldn’t find any connection between Louise and Emma, but then I did some sleuthing and I found out that in the days leading up to their deaths day had both gone on a date. Not so weird you probably say, I say it’s weird when the date is with the same person, and from the looks of it they both met him on a dating app.”

Silence took over the room as the four team members processed the information. 

“Can you find out who the prince charming is, baby girl?” Derek asked as he leaned on closer to the phone. 

“Oh, I’m already ten steps ahead of you sugar, and the prince charming is Sheldon Green, but here’s the kicker. It’s not Sheldon Green.” 

The room was once again silent, the puzzle pieces laying spread all around them, refusing to be put together. The silence was broken when an officer came in and handed Spencer the case file on the stolen van. 

“What do you mean Pen,” Y/N asked, confusion clear in her voice. 

“I’ll tell you what I mean sweetums,” Penelope continued, the tapping stopping on her end of the call, “I did my thing and pulled up the profile from Louise’s phone and quickly matched the person on the profile to Mr. Green, but the actual Mr. Green has a very legit alibi for both times because the first time he was at his boyfriend’s parent’s house for family dinner and the second time he was at a work conference two towns over.” 

“So someone has used Green’s identity to lure the victims onto a date?” Y/N asked, still confused.

“It would appear so. I have successfully hacked into the account, and I have tried to track down the phone the creep has used but have come up blank. He is using some weird firewall, incognito thing that I have trouble working my way around it but trust me I’m trying.”

“Okay,” Hotch mumbled, deep lost within his own head. “Can you see if he’s arranged any upcoming dates on the app?”

“I can’t see any based on the messages he has on this app, but sir he could be on a lot, there’s so many dating apps and websites out there, and I have no way of knowing if he uses Sheldon Green as an identity on those as well, or if he uses another one,” she said already back to tapping away. “And by the way, all the women he has matched with look very similar to both Louise and Emma, so he definitely has a type. They were just the unlucky ones,” she said with sadness seeping clearly through the speaker

“Keep taps on the Sheldon Green profile and let us know if he starts to talk to anyone on there.”

“Aye aye captain,” she said before hanging up, leaving the room in silence once more.

“Fucking creep,” Y/N mumbled before standing up and abruptly leaving the room, an uncomfortable chill running down her back. The precinct was buzzing with phone calls and voices trying to talk over each other. Y/N was quick to move in and out through the clutter of desks and officers milling around, before she finally got outside.

The sun had set, in its place the moon was shining bright over head of her, a few stars visible from the bright lights of the big city. There were cars zooming by; fathers desperate to make it home and kiss their babies goodnight, mothers tired from an evening of soccer matches, husbands buzzing with flowers in the front seat and wives crying searching for refuge at their friends’ houses.

All so blissfully unaware of the monsters hiding out in the night. A blessing she didn’t have anymore.

She let her back rest against the cinderblock wall behind her and let her eyes drift shut for just a moment, letting her pretend she wasn’t in the midst of hunting down a monster. Pretending that she was 19 again, somewhere, still like the rest. Still so wonderfully naïve.

“You okay?” a voice pulled her from her silent reveries, and she quickly opened her eyes to see JJ, Rossi and Emily before her, all three of them with concern in their eyes. 

“Oh yeah,” she brushed their concern off with a swift, dismissive wave of her hand. “Just tired.”

“Well,” Rossi started, moving forward to get a good grip on one of her shoulders, “it’s been a long day, hopefully we can all head back to the hotel soon.”

“That would be great,” Emily said as she and Rossi opened the door to the station, leaving Y/N and JJ out in the open air.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” JJ asked, leaning against the wall as well, hands folded together in front of her. 

Y/N let out a deep sigh before letting her eyes fall shut again. “Penelope discovered that he uses a guy’s identity to get them to go on dates with him via dating apps,” she started to explain. “And she has no way of knowing if he uses the same identity on other dating sites, so we basically don’t have any way of getting to him.”

“But we will,” JJ encouraged softly, her hand rubbing up and down Y/N’s shoulder softly, “just like we always do.”

“You’re right,” Y/N smiled gratefully, before quickly taking her phone out of her pocket and checking the time. “If you hurry, I bet you have enough time to call Henry and Will and read a bedtime story.”

They profilers shared a small laugh before JJ took her leave and moved inside, already pulling Will’s number up on her phone.

She let herself close her eyes for the third time, feeling how exhaustion was slowly making its home in all of her limbs.

“I brought you some tea,” a voice said gently, as if careful to not startle her too much. 

She peeked one of her eyes open to see Spencer standing bashfully by her side, a paper cup filled with tea in one hand, and his worn, wool blazer in the other.

“They don’t have strawberry tea, so it’s just earl grey,” he said carefully as he carefully handed it over to her, making sure she didn’t spill any in the transfer.

“Thank you, Spence,” Y/N smiled sweetly, before giving the beverage a gentle blow before taking a sip. 

“And uh,” he continued, looking down at his converse that seemed to try to bury themselves in the cement beneath them, “Emily said it was pretty chilly so I thought you might like a coat, and I know that you’ve said that yours isn’t very practical for chilly nights so I thought you might like mine, but it’s totally fine if you don’t, I just didn’t want you to be cold-“ he said, his mouth running 100 miles a minute, flustered cheeks blazing under the pale moonlight. 

“Spencer,” she said, laying a careful hand on his forearm, “that’s very sweet of you. I would love to borrow your jacket if that’s okay with you.” 

“Of course,” he was quick to exchange the jacket in his hand for the cup in hers so that she could put on the coat. He handed her back the cup silently, letting himself loose himself in the vision of her standing under a combination of streetlight and the gentle glow of the moon, all the while wearing his coat.

“Did you get anything from the police report?” she asked gently before moving to sit on the curb, he knees up to her chest and the cup resting on one of her kneecaps.

Spencer followed, looking apprehensively at the curb before joining her by her side, with his knees in the same position but his arms wrapped around his legs and his hands clapped together in front of his shins.

“There was a witness that had said that they saw a man lurking around the street for about an hour or so in the time frame of when the van was stolen,” he explained looking at her as she took sips of the tea while looking at the passing cars. “They gave a description, so we have turned that over to Garcia.”

“That’s good,” Y/N mumbled before taking another swig of her tea.

“Are you okay?” he asked gently, scooting an inch closer to her on the dirty curb.

“Yeah,” she sighed, her eyes meeting his gentle ones, “this case is just hitting a bit close to home, I guess. No idea why though.”

“We all get those,” he said, letting his eyes rise up to look at the mighty moon.

“Thank you for bringing me a cup of tea Spence,” she mumbled, scooting an inch closer to him on the dirty curb.

“It helps you calm down,” he mumbled, eyes now no longer on the moon but rather at the shrinking space between their bodies.

“It does?” she asked, breath caught in her throat.

“Yeah,” he said, eyes flickering up to her face, “every time you drink tea you become calmer, and generally when you hold a warm cup, no matter the beverage, you pulse slows down.” 

“I didn’t know that,” she said, letting her eyes flicker over his face. 

Spencer just shrugged with a small smile before letting his eyes fly down to briefly take a glimpse at her lips before they went back to her eyes.

“Is that why you always bring me tea?” she inquired, letting her own eyes fly down to his lips, where his tongue is gently poking out.

“Yeah,” he laughed gently, subconsciously leaning into the heat that was radiating off of her.

She leaned into him as well, their noses barely brushing, their soft breaths mixing together, “that’s incredibly thoughtful.”

He swallowed around the lump in his throat before he dared to speak, “it’s what you do for the people you care about.”

They both leaned in closer, their noses now brushing up against one another, lips only a breath away from touching, “it’s what you do for the people you lo-“

His words were caught short from the sound of the door to the station bursting open, resulting in them pulling away from the moment in time they had created together. The team came bustling out, all of them looking mere minutes away from collapsing on the pavement from exhaustion.

“Y/L/N, Reid we’re done for the night, we all need to get some rest,” Hotch said when he noticed the two young agents sitting together on the curb.

“Oh,” they both said, hurrying to stand up and brush away any dirt from their time on the ground.

“I need to go grab my satch-“ Spencer started to say, already moving towards the door, but Derek was quick to lift up the worn satchel that he was carrying in his hand.

“Nope,” he said, turning Reid around and directing him to one of the SUVs as Emily linked her arm through Y/N’s and led her to the other one holding a bit further down.

“Nice coat,” Emily mumbled into Y/N’s ear, laughing quietly when the young agent’s ears started to turn red.

“Shut up,” Y/N said, hiding her smile behind the paper cup of lukewarm tea, as she watched Spencer pile into the black after Derek, a small smile shared between them, only for them to know about. 

-

Her boots were clicking against the floor of the station as she made the first stop of the day at the coffee station. A few officers and detectives were there at the early morning hour, and the team was already setting up in the conference room, bracing themselves for the day to come.

She poured four packs of sugar into a cup, quickly dozing it in the hot coffee stirring it as she started to walk through the room to get to the team.

The weight of a blazer was heavy on her arm and the heat from the coffee cup warmed her entire body in the early morning hour as she discreetly opened the door and moved to take a seat next to Spencer as Hotch was talking.

“We need to go over victimology again,” Hotch started, and the team started to list all of the facts of the two victims.

“Here,” Y/N whispered softly, sliding the paper cup over to Spencer.

He averted his eyes away from where Emily was talking about the unsub having had a relationship with a woman that bore a resemblance to the victims.

“Excuse me?” he asked, his eyes drifting over her still sleepy features.

She nodded down to the paper cup between them, steam flying up and dancing between them. “Don’t worry,” she smiled at him, still keeping her voice low, “I made sure to put loads of sugar in.” 

He smiled softly down at the cup, before looking up at her again with his lips pressed tightly together in a smile. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” she smiled back, finally letting the conversation between the rest of the team get her attention.

Unlike Y/N, Spencer’s attention was now nowhere near the conversation about who knows what. All he could focus on was the warmth radiating from the cup between his slender fingers and from the person sitting next to him.

He could still perfectly see her face and her sleepy morning smile as he stared down in the coffee. He could feel a smile pull at the corners of his lips as he went over the sweet interaction multiple times in his head.

An elbow to the ribs from his other side was what brought him out of his daydreams, and he lifted his head to see the entire team staring him down.

“What?” he asked, taking a sip of the steaming brew.

“Have you come further with the geo profile?” Hotch asked from where he stood by the bulletin board.

“No,” Spencer said, sitting up straighter in his chair, “I’m waiting for Garcia to look into the night where the van was stolen.”

Hotch made a sound of approval before he started to give out orders for the team. Y/N and Emily were to go join the officers in the door to door rounds along with the local officers, Morgan and Reid would go and take a look at the crime scenes and visit the morgue to see if they had missed anything and JJ, Rossi and Hotch would stay put and look through the details again.

Spencer caught the eyes of Derek over the table as they all started to move around, a teasing glint in the older agent’s eyes and a mischievous smile on his lips. 

Spencer furrowed his brows in question, which only deepened when Derek nodded to the coffee in Spencer’s hand. Derek simply shook his head and laughed silently to himself as he shared a quick glance with Emily, who was sitting on the other side of Spencer. She also simply just laughed and waited for Y/N to finish the conversation she was in the midst of with JJ.

Derek was quick to walk around the table, grab Spencer around the shoulders and direct him out of the stuffy conference room and out of the station.

“Now,” Derek said as they had made it halfway through the precinct, “is there a reason why Y/N brought you, and only you, a cup of coffee?”

“Uh,” Spencer fumbled over his words as he stopped in the midst of a step at Derek’s words. “What do you mean?” 

Derek simply laughed as he took a stance in front of Spencer, efficiently blocking Spencer’s only escape route. “Now don’t get me wrong, Y/N is a very sweet girl, but in the year that she’s been on the team, she has never brought a coffee for just me, if you know what I’m saying.”

“I don’t.”

“Of course not,” Derek just laughed again, and nodded his head to a thing over Spencer’s shoulder. When Spencer turned his head to look, he was met with the sight of Y/N that was still talking to JJ. “Did anything happen between the two of you last night?” Derek tried to reiterate his question when Spencer turned his eyes back to his friends after a moment off blatantly staring at Y/N.

“No,” Spencer said, brows deeply furrowed.

“Are you sure?” Derek continued, “there was nothing going on between the two of you when we went home last night? When you were sitting on the curb?”

“Oh, that,” Spencer said, a red flush covering his cheeks and ears at the fact that the rest of the team had witnessed the intimate moment that he had thought had been strictly between the two of them. 

“Yeah,” Derek laughed and clapped his hand down on Spencer’s shoulder as he started to guide the younger agent out of the doors.

“She was just feeling a bit out of it, so I brought her some tea,” Spencer started, his mind running faster than his mouth could compete with, “she calms down significantly when she drinks tea, or just generally has a warm beverage in her hands. Actually a study has shown-“ Spencer started to ramble on as they got out of the precinct, the early morning sun shining down on them.

But before he could distract Derek any further, a voice called out behind them, cutting Spencer short.

“Spence!” she called as she hurried out of the double doors, with Emily tailing behind her with a smirk on her face.

“Yeah?” Spencer said and both he and Derek turned towards the other two agents. 

“I uhm,” she started, slightly fumbling over her words, anxiously glancing from Reid to Morgan, who was also standing with a big smirk on his face. “I forgot to give this back to you yesterday.”

She reached her arm out between them, offering him the battered blazer. Spencer looked down at it for a minute before slowly taking it into his hand that wasn’t holding the coffee, images of her wearing it the prior evening flying through his mind. 

“Right,” Spencer said, nodding his head.

“And I just wanted to,” she trailed off, quickly looking at Derek before looking back at Spencer.

Derek seemed to get the hint, because he silently made his adieu and joined Emily, who was standing and waiting by the parked SUVs.

“I wanted to thank you for yesterday,” she said, her voice light and feathery in the spring morning. “You were very sweet, and it made me feel a lot better.” 

“Oh, it was no problem,” Spencer said, the blush returning to his face.

“Still,” she continues, taking a miniscule step towards him, “it meant a lot to me.”

“You’re my friend,” Spencer said softly, letting his eyes glide over her face, letting himself bask in the way the sun made her eyes gleam. “I just want you to be happy.”

“I am,” she was quick to reply, sparing a quick look over to the two older agents that were watching them like hawks.

“I’m glad,” Spencer smiled down at her, tightening his grip on the blazer in his hands. 

The spring wind was ruffling his hair around, making locks fall into his eyes. Before he could let a hand run through his curls, an unfamiliar hand beat him to it. 

Her hand ran gently through his hair, making the curls fall back into the righteous place. She let the hand glide down to the side of his face, holding gently onto his soft cheek. Before he could fully grasp what was happening, she was throwing her arms around his shoulders, giving him a tight squeeze. She pressed a quick kiss to the cheek she had previously been caressing, before she pulled away from his body, his arms still hanging rigidly by his sides.

“Thank you,” she whispered again, before hurrying over to Emily.

Spencer watched her walk away, eyes following her retreating form as she dragged Emily into one of the SUVs, flipping Derek the bird when he called out a comment after her that Spencer didn’t hear because of the ringing in his ears.

“Pretty boy,” Derek called out, a know-it-all look painted all over his face, as he watched the young agent standing baffled in the middle of the sidewalk. “Are you sure nothing happened?”

Spencer could still feel the ghost of her arms around his neck, could still feel the pressure of her body against his and the softness of her lips against his cheek. His ears, that were a colour of red that challenged roses, were ringing, and his eyes were firmly locked in the place she had previously been.

“Reid!” Derek called out again, a loud laugh on the verge of spilling from his lips.

“Huh?” Spencer was finally pulled out from his reveries, making him acutely aware of the fact that Derek and Emily, and potentially many others, had witnessed the small moment between the two of them.

“Nothing happened between the two of you huh?”

“Shut up,” Spencer mumbled as he quickly walked over to the car, hopelessly hoping for a silent car ride, his mind already drifting back to just a moment before.

- 

The room was cold. 

She could feel her colleagues’ eyes on her from behind the one-way mirror behind her as she leaned back in her chair.

Her heels were clicking on the floor as she tapped her foot as she kept a firm gaze on the man in front of her.

Emily was sitting beside her, flipping through a folder as she was repeating the rights to the person in front of the two of them.

“Do you understand?” she finished, and her eyes joined Y/N’s and looked at the man on the other side of the table.

The silence stretched across the room, the only sound being Y/N’s heels and Emily’s ruffling through the file. 

“Do you understand your rights?” Y/N repeated, brows furrowing as she stared down the man. 

He continued to stay silent, his gaze locked on where his hands were cuffed to the table. His dirty-blonde hair was a mess and the glasses on his face were slightly broken from the run-in he had had with Morgan.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Emily sighed and let the folder drop down onto the table surface. 

“So, Elliott, do you know Louise Obsen?” Y/N asked, her hands folding together in her lap. 

He continued to stay silent, eyes never drifting away from their safe spot as the two agents continued to stare him down. 

His baby blue button-down was wrinkled and the more Y/N continued to observe him the more she thought about how un-special he was. Nothing about him was noteworthy and she wouldn’t give him a second glance if he were to pass her in the street.

A murderer hiding in plain sight.

“What about Emma Day?” Emily took over and leaned across the table to get closer to him. She slid two pictures across the table to him; the faces of the two young, beautiful women staring back at him from where he cowered within himself.

“Nothing?” Y/N asked and stood up to get rid of the restlessness that was starting to sink into her bones and started to walk around the room slowly. 

“Never heard of them before,” he finally grumbled but his eyes remained downcast. 

Emily and Y/N’s eyes met from across the room, both pairs of eyebrows lifting in disbelief.

“Oh really?” Emily prodded.

“Yeah,” he said slowly, and Y/N moved to stand behind him and glanced over his shoulder at the two pictures.

“That’s a shame huh,” Y/N said with her arms crossed across her chest, “they’re two very beautiful women.”

“Oh yeah,” Emily agreed as she leaned back in her chair.

“Actually,” Y/N said as if the thought had just hit her, “they kind of look like you Em.”

“Yeah,” Emily laughed a bit, “they kind of do.”

They waited for Elliott to react. From where Y/N was standing she could see the tenseness in his shoulders. His leg was bouncing up and down with a rapid pace and she was sure she could see a small bead of sweat trail down his temple.

Y/N glanced up at the one-way mirror that was behind Emily and could almost feel Spencer’s eyes catching her from the other side.

“But it doesn’t really surprise me,” Y/N continued and moved from her place behind him to lean up against the chair that she had previously been sitting on, “that you don’t know them I mean.”

“What do you mean?” he asked slowly, taking the bait just like she had hoped.

“Oh, you know,” she sighed, lifting her head up to glance at the ceiling quickly before letting them fall back to the man in front of her. “Why would two young, beautiful women know you? You’re just an engineer at a random tech company.”

“You’re right Y/N,” Emily continued and looked up at her colleague.

“Like, would you pay him any mind Emily? If he came up to you in a bar or something?”

“No,” Emily laughed loudly and glanced at the man that was slowly starting to simmer in his own anger. 

“Not even entertain him for the fun of it?” Y/N continued, knowingly rubbing salt in the newly created wound.

“I have standards Y/N,” she played along, her eyes also locked on the man.

“That’s a shame,” Y/N said as she moved to sit down again, “I think you’re his type.” 

From across the table the two agents could see the way he was gritting his teeth together and how his hands were wringing together in anger. 

“I bet you would love nothing more than to take agent Prentiss home,” she continued slowly leaning across the table to get into his personal space. “Lure her with the promise of a good time.”

“And, when I would turn him down,” Emily started to participate and mirrored Y/N’s pose, “he would spend the rest of the night watching from afar.”

Elliott finally lifted his gaze and was met with two agents fake smiling at him from the other side of the table.

“He would wait until you were alone,” Y/N continued, making sure to maintain the eye contact that she’d finally established.

“But he wouldn’t have the guts to confront me,” Emily drawled on, fiddling with the many papers in the file. 

“So he would attack you from behind,” Y/N took over, “like a coward”

“And he would put me in a car,” Emily said as she pulled out a photo of the ‘Better Builders’ van, “one that wouldn’t be able to be connected to him, because despite being a coward, he isn’t stupid.”

“Then he would take you somewhere isolated,” the other agent mumbled, letting her hands run through her hair. “Like a cabin or something.”

“Something like this?” Emily asked and pulled out another photo, this one of an isolated cabin they had been able to connect with Elliott.

“Yeah, exactly,” Y/N laughed and pushed the picture towards him. “Do you recognize this place, Elliott?”

“No,” he grumbled, eyes refusing to look at the pictures in front of him.

“Are you sure?” Emily asked, “because that cabin belonged to your father, and from what we have been able to find, said cabin now belongs to you.”

He just shook his head as Emily talked, eyes burning holes in the table beneath his hands.

“So he would take you somewhere isolated,” Y/N tried to get the conversation back on the prior path, “somewhere no one would hear you scream.”

“And then he would play around, terrorising me for God knows how long,” any kind of playfulness or teasing had left Emily’s voice and a sadness and anger had taken their place.

“And then, to finish it off,” Y/N said, her voice low and sad, “he would shoot you in the back of the head.”

“But he knows a body is too difficult to get rid of and even though the cabin is isolated the body would be found if he were to just dump it,” Emily continued, hard eyes looking at the suspect. 

“So he would have to cut you up,” Y/N mumbled, “and discard the limbs and only hope that they won’t be found.”

Silence stretched across the room again. The two agents staring down the man before them. The man, who was shaking and whose face had become beat red.

“See Elliott,” Emily said, starting to collect the pictures that were laid out on the table before them, “that’s what we think you did to Louise Obsen and Emma Day.”

“And when we get a search warrant for your cabin, which is in the process, we will find something in there that confirms that you did this.” Y/N said moving to lean back in her chair. “A hair, a piece of a nail or a little drop of blood that confirms that you killed two innocent women.”

“And when that happens,” Emily continued, “you will get locked away for a long time. And trust me,” she paused and leaned in closer to him, “you won’t survive long in a federal prison.”

“But,” Y/N drawled out, “if you cooperate we could do something for you.”

He continued to stay quiet, eyes still not looking at them.

“Well,” Emily sighed and moved to stand up, Y/N following suit, “suit yourself.” 

The two agents moved to walk out of the interrogation room, before a voice stopped them. 

“I’ll tell you,” he said slowly, causing them to turn around and look back at him staring at the two of them. “But only you,” he stared at Emily with intent.

Y/N glanced at her co-worker and was met with a confident nod as she moved to take a seat once again. 

Y/N looked back at the pair one final time before leaving the room to watch from behind the glass. 

Once she stepped out into the hallway she was met with Rossi and Spencer shifting their gazes from the interrogation room to her as she closed the door behind her. 

“Good work kiddo,” Rossi said, walking away from the glass and clapping her gently on the shoulder before moving past her, probably to find Hotch and inform him of Elliot being willing to cooperate.

“Thank you, sir,” Y/N mumbled as she watched him walk back into the hectic precinct.

“You did really well,” Spencer said as she moved to stand beside him and watch Elliott talk with Emily.

“Thanks Spence,” Y/N said, looking up at him as he looked down at her at the same time.

They stood there for a while, just listening to the confession that was pouring out of Elliott. From where she stood beside him Y/N could feel the heat radiating from Spencer. His shirt sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and his dark purple tie matched the light purple shirt perfectly.

Y/N shifted her eyes back to the interrogation but could still feel his eyes on the side of her face. As they stood side by side Y/N could feel a soft motion of a finger slowly moving across the back of her hand.

As she glanced down, she saw Spencer’s pinkie moving slowly across the plain of the back of her hand; she could feel the heat slowly spread across her face.

She slowly manoeuvred her hand around so she could rub her finger against his as well, before a loud voice forced their hands apart.

“Y/L/N,” Derek called from behind them, walking across the precinct and the two other agents turned around to see him approach them. “Rossi said that you got him to cooperate.”

“Yeah,” Y/N coughed as she cleared her throat and moved to fold her arms across her chest to try to delete the prior moment from Derek’s mind.

“How’d you do it?” he said as he moved closer to the pair and stood between Y/N and Spencer as he spied into the room with a knowing grin on his face. 

“We just tried to get under his skin,” Y/N explained as she looked back into the interrogation room again and saw Emily scribbling down notes as Elliott spoke. “Showed him how much of a coward he is.”

Derek laughed and laid an arm around her shoulders and gave her arm an affectionate clap.

“Well, at least this one went pretty smoothly.”

Both Spencer and Y/N hummed their agreement, two pairs of cheeks burning from an erased moment in time.

-

“Garcia said that you were hungry,” Spencer said, making Y/N’s attention divert from the case file in front of her to the genius standing with a paper towel in his hand, “so I thought you would like this.”

He gently placed the paper towel on her desk, making sure that it didn’t land on one of the many files that were scattered on the desk. The paper unfolded and inside was a pear, cut up in four pieces, just waiting to be eaten.

All the while she gathered the pieces of fruit and tugged the paper towel closer to her, Spencer was standing, more like hovering over her, a nervous smile tugging at his lips. His hands were tangled together in front of his body, eyes following her every move as she started to munch on the cut-up fruit. 

“Thank you, Spence,” she said, half a piece of pear already in her mouth, “this is just what I needed.”

“You’re very welcome,” he said with a big smile on his face, before he gathered a case file from his desk and bounced up the stairs to Hotch’s office.

“He’s never brought me a pear,” a voice pulled Y/N’s attention away from the now closed door, a smile ever so present on her lips as she slowly chewed on the piece of fruit.

“What?” Y/N asked, confused, turning to see Derek and Emily sitting with shit eating grins on their faces.

“Pretty boy,” Derek elaborated gesturing to Hotch’s office, “in the many years I’ve known him, he has never brought me a sliced-up pear.”

“Me neither,” Emily said as she twirled around in her chair.

“Well,” Y/N started to say, very much confused at where the direction of this conversation was going, “maybe he doesn’t know that you guys like pears.”

“I don’t think that’s why,” Derek laughed, throwing the pen he had been playing with in his hand down on his desk.

“What do you mean?” Y/N asked unconsciously, reaching for another piece hidden in the paper towel.

“What are we discussing?” Penelope broke into the conversation, a happy smile on her pink painted lips. 

“Nothing,” Y/N was quick to say as she turned her chair back to face her desk, in hopes of ending the conversation before it even began.

“Pretty Ricky had heard from you that dear Y/N was hungry, so he cut up a pear for her,” Derek said, and even with her back to them she could practically hear the smiles on all of their faces.

“I haven’t talked to Reid all day,” Penelope said, happiness practically radiating off of her by the news.

“You haven’t?” At this revelation Y/N was quick to turn her chair around, confusion clear on her face.

“No,” she dragged out the word, letting a giggle slip out at the end.

“Then why would he say that?” Y/N asked as she chewed on another piece, her brows furrowed in confusion.

“Because,” Emily dragged out as she got up and moved to sit on Y/N’s desk, “he needs a middleman.”

“A middleman?” Y/N asked, even more confused.

“Someone to make it seem like he wasn’t noticing that you were hungry based on your behaviour,” Derek explained, sliding his chair closer to Y/N’s desk.

“He’s a profiler,” Y/N mumbled to the rest, “if my behaviour was showing that I was hungry, why would he be embarrassed to just give me something to eat. We’re friends.”

“Actually,” Penelope piped up, finally seeing it as her time to make an input into the conversation, “giving snacks to someone is something many consider a love language.”

Y/N choked on the last piece of pear in her throat and turned around to cough down into the paper towel that was still laying on her desk. Emily laughed as she clapped her between the shoulder blades.

“Guys!” she exclaimed once she had gotten everything under control again, “he just gave me a pear. Nothing more, nothing less.”

Emily sighed as she shrugged her shoulders up to her ears as she looked down at the younger, oblivious agent. “I remember a guy saying that once the pear was an allegory for the heart.”

Silence took its place between the four agents. Three of them with giant smiles on their faces as the fourth was simply staring out in space, trying to solve a puzzle that she didn’t even know existed. Her ears were ringing from the realisation, cheeks heating under the scrutiny from the three others as her mind slowly started to fill to the brim of all of her shared moments with Spencer. 

“You think he likes me?” she asked quietly, only daring to let her eyes fall on Penelope, whose face was almost splitting in half from the giant smile on her face. 

“Oh, I think ‘like’,” Penelope said as she brought her hands up and made citation quotes around the word, “is an understatement.”

“He said,” Y/N started, keeping her eyes locked with Penelope’s as she started to fiddle with her hands that were resting in her lap, “He said that he knows what it’s like to love something that’s out of reach.”

The group fell silent as they took in the revelation, the three of them waiting for Y/N to continue. “Do you think he was talking about me?”

“Duh!” Penelope practically yelled, which gained the attention of the agents dutifully working around the quartet. “That boy has been in love with you since you first joined the team. And I may not be a profiler,” she continued making her way over to stand next to the chair Y/N was sitting on, “but I think that his feelings are reciprocated.”

Before Y/N had the chance to say anything, the sound of a door slamming shut brought them all out of the small moment they had created between themselves. As she looked up to the landing, she saw Spencer walking down the stairs again. 

“What’s going on?” he asked curiously, letting his eyes flicker from Derek’s smirk, to Penelope’s sparkling eyes, to Emily’s suppressed grin and finally to Y/N’s wide eyes.

“Oh nothing,” Penelope was quick to say, “just talking about the upcoming weekend.”

“Oh,” Spencer said as he took a seat in his chair, and let the folder he had with him drop to the desk, “do you have any special plans Garcia?”

“Uh,” she sputtered, clearly not ready to talk herself out of her lie, “yes, I’m going to go antique shopping with Emily.”

“We are?” Emily was quick to but in, disdain clear in her voice from the mere thought of going antiquing.

“Yes! Remember we talked about it a while ago,” Penelope mumbled before dramatically gesturing to the watch hanging on the wall, “would you look at that, I have to go back to my office to do,” she dragged out the words, as the four profilers looked at her with amusement on their faces, “to do hacking things. Bye!”

And before they knew she had hurried out of their eyesight, her blonde hair bobbing up and down as she moved as fast as her heels allowed her to.

“Weird,” Spencer said, sharing a quick smile with Y/N before they all went back to their work. Or, three of them went back to their work. 

Y/N spend the rest of her afternoon sifting through every interaction she had ever had with the young doctor, from the moment they had met in this very bullpen, to the first time she had made him laugh over a joke, to the time she had successfully dragged him out to celebrate a successful case with the rest of the team. In the small year they had known each other they had created so many small moments together, so many fond memories that lived in her heart.

And at some point, in the small year, Spencer had managed to worm himself into a part of her heart that she herself didn’t even know existed. Sparks flew out of her finger tips every time they gently touched him. Her heart started to beat faster every time he would smile at her or she would hear his joyous laughter. She started to get lost in the depth of his warm eyes every time they made eye contact, drowning in a sea of honey that she refused to get saved from.

And, unknown to her, she had made herself a home in Spencer’s heart. Her gentle touch seemed to light a fire in him, making him burn to the bone every time her delicate fingers grazed his skin. His smile had become more frequent, and his laughter more boisterous ever since she had joined the team; her mere presence lightening up any gloomy day.

So, there they sat the rest of the sunny afternoon; a boy and a girl so oblivious about the love that flowed so effortlessly between them. She could still taste the lingering taste of the fruit, and she swore her heart fluttered in her chest every time. He could still see the joyful look she had given him when he had handed her the folded-up paper towel, and his heart sang every time it flowed through his mind.

And without either of them noticing, the sunny day ticked by minute for minute. The bullpen had started to empty out for the day, leaving them some of the few agents left.

She could still hear Derek and Emily typing away on their monitors and have occasional chit chat, and out of the corner of her eye she could still see Hotch and Rossi in their respective offices.

As she was finishing up one of her last files, she noticed how Spencer slowly started to pack up for the day.

After a year she had learned his routine for when he would start to head home. Firstly, he would turn off his computer, secondly, he would stack all of his files into a neat pile, ready for when he came in tomorrow, thirdly he would start to pack his bag, double checking he had everything, before finally rising from his chair, putting on his coat and saying goodbye to those who stayed longer than him.

He was in the midst of the fourth step, coat being ready to be put on when they made eye contact over the divider between their desks.

He slowed his actions, taking his time to adjust the lapels on his jacket and picking up his satchel. It was as if everything that had been left unsaid by the two exploded in that moment. All of the gentle touches and the burning fires. All of the loud laughter and the timid smiles. A year worth of love combined into just a five second glance.

“Have a good night,” she said softly, eyes firmly locked with his.

“You too,” he said as he slowly walked by her desk, “see you tomorrow.”

She smiled at him, feeling all of the air leave her lungs when he smiled back.

“I’ll see you tomorrow as well genius,” Morgan called after him loudly, making Spencer walk faster out of the bullpen, and even from where Y/N was sitting, she could see the tips of his ears turn red.

“Y/N,” Emily said firmly when Spencer was out of ear shot. 

“Emily,” Y/N said back, refusing to give the two cocky agents what they wanted from her. 

“Go after that boy,” she said, walking over and hovering over her with her hands on her hips.

“What?” Y/N asked, still looking down at the paperwork in front of her.

“Are you kidding me? I just saw the two of you practically declaring your love for each other with just one look! And for some reason, you refuse to accept the fact that you two are in love with each other,” she said, one of her hands coming down on the younger agent’s shoulder. “Look, okay, I’m no expert at love or anything, but what the two of you have is something special. And I get it, okay. Love is scary, and with our job we see how easily our loved ones can be torn away from us, so I get it more than anyone that it’s scary to succumb to it. But, and this is just my opinion, it would be foolish to let a love like the one the two of you have go to waste.”

After her monologue Emily made her way back over to her own desk, eyes locked with Morgan, desperate to get him to help him. But before he got the chance, Y/N spoke up timidly.

“If I don’t come back will you finish my paperwork?”

“Yes,” both Emily and Derek said without hesitation, smiles spreading wider and wider when they saw the girl hurrying to grab her back and coat before quickly walking out of the office. 

“Fucking finally,” Derek mumbled, letting his eyes follow the young agent out of the double glass doors.

Y/N stood by the elevator, repeatedly pressing the button in hopes of making the machine work any faster. When the doors finally opened, she was greeted by an out of breath Spencer, who looked like he had just run across the parking lot.

“Hi,” he mumbled softly, slowly stepping out of the box as she took a few steps back.

“Hi,” she said, “did you forget something?”

A moment of silence hung between them, both unsure of how to approach the inevitable conversation.

“I-“ he cleared his throat into his fist before continuing, “I don’t know.”

“Oh,” she said, feeling the burning stare of two pairs of eyes on her back.

“I,” he started, his hands hidden in his coat pockets and shoes shuffling around nervously on the floor, but she was quick to interrupt him before he could go on. 

“Emily just reminded me of something,” she said, her voice small but confident. “Someone once told me that the pear was an allegory for the heart.”

At her words Spencer’s eyes widened the slightest, and a pretty blush started to paint over his cheekbones.

“That someone would be correct,” his voice was low but clear, intending to keep the conversation strictly between them.

“And you gave me a pear,” she continued, her hands wringing together in front of her. “And someone would say that means that you, in some way, gave me your heart.” 

They both stared at each other, oblivious to the gathering that was happening in the bullpen behind them. Emily and Derek had now been joined by Penelope and JJ, all eyes set on the two of them, and even from their distance they could feel the tension between the two almost lovers.

“That’s one way to understand it,” he said, taking a miniscule step closer to her.

“Is it the right way?” she asked, mimicking him and tipping a millimetre closer.

“I think,” he started, letting his hands come up from his coat pockets and let them slowly intertwine with hers. “I think that I gave my heart to you a long time ago.” 

“Really?” she moved closer towards him, letting her fingertips spark at the feeling of his gentle touch.

“Yeah,” he nodded, curls falling into his gentle eyes.

“Can I kiss you?” she whispered, squeezing his hands before removing them from his when he nodded his head nervously. 

She let them slide up his arms before they found their place on his jaw, soft skin meeting her cold fingers. His arms found their purpose around her soft waist, giving him the opportunity to pull her in closer. She let her eyes roam his face for a second, before she leaned up and pressed a kiss to his lips. His nose was cold against hers, his lips chapped from the colder weather, but none of it mattered. They stood no comparison to the way his hands were grasping at her waist, or the way she could feel a smile on his lips against hers.

They pulled apart slowly, both of their eyes still closed, both of them just existing in the moment they had created between them.

“I gave you my heart a long time ago too,” she whispered to him, letting her arms wrap around his neck and gave him a tight hug. “But I will be happy to give you a pear as well.” 

He laughed at her comment, before he pulled her into another kiss, letting himself taste the sweet taste of pear that lingered on her lips.

“Pears cannot ripen alone. So we ripened together” - Meridel Le Sueur 

[lilxberry]

The Guilt Of A Lover - Natasha Romanoff

Synopsis;

You tend to be quite off-put by other women when you’re with the love of your life, even feeling guilty when there truly is no need to for you to feel so. Natasha herself tells you as such.

Warnings: Lil’ bit of language. Jealous Natasha. Oblivious and paranoid reader. Pretty much it tbh.

Words: 2,072

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

_______________

You sat there, admiring your red headed girlfriend as she took down yet another agent in training. You were always in awe of how he body moved when she was up against an opponent. Plus, you had a great view of her ass right now so were as happy as can be during your break from training. 

Natasha looked at you and sent a cheeky, subtle wink towards you. You grinned at her like a fool. She was in every way the perfect woman for you. She’s the woman 

Just as you stood up and took a final gulp of water from your bottle, ending your break, one of the trainees, a young blonde girl, steeping in front of you, blocking your path.

“Hey, I was wondering if you could train with me and help me out with my stance.” Josie-Jessie-Jade, you hadn’t really cared to remember her name, asked as she played with a strand of her hair, twirling it around her slender, manicured finger. A tell-tale sign of flirting which you hadn’t noticed.

But Natasha did.

The girl had been flirting with you non-stop during the training sessions you helped lead. She had always found an issue which you just so happened to be the only one who could fix it. ‘Not like there’s any other superiors she could ask.’ Natasha thought bitterly as she watched on from the corner of her eye.

“Uh-sure. Why don’t you get into position and I’ll see what needs you’re doing wrong.” You instructed the young girl who giggled as she turned to get back on to the matt.

Once there, she plants her feet atop the cool surface, raising her arms out in front of her and bending her knees ever so slightly, sticking her ass further out than nessicary. 

You sighed heavily through your nose as you witness her positioning. ‘How did this girl even get as far as she has with S.H.I.E.L.D..’ You leisurely walked towards her, noting what she should do to make improvements.

“For starters, your knees are bent too much, that can throw you off balance.” You tap her knees until you’re satisfied with the amount they’re straightened. You proceeded to move her feet so they face a more efficient direction. Lastly, you moved to behind her, ready to correct her flimsy, half-arsed positioning of her arms.

“Your arms should be more bent. Bring your elbows towards your body, this will help you protect yourself.” You gripped her elbows with a gentle but firm grip, pulling them back inwards towards her torso. 

As your arms reach around each side of her, she pushes herself back into you, her back being forced to come into contact with your chest. “Like this?” She feigns innocence as she asks in a sickly-sweet voice, puffing her chest out, making them fall into your line of sight. 

You clear your throat and quickly detach yourself from her, making sure you advert your gaze from her eyes as she turns around. “Yeah, just like that. Keep practicing.” With that, you walk out of the training room hastily, leaving Josie-Jess-Jade confused and frustrated.

Natasha notices your quick departure and frowns, concerned about the one she loves. 

She turns her gaze towards the younger girl, a burning anger in her eyes as she stares for a moment. Natasha swore she would find out what was wrong later. 

Oh boy, she sure did. 

_______________

Natasha had yet to see you all day after training had concluded. She could tell something had upset you and had a possible reason as to why you were so quick to exit the room.

Ever since you two had started dating, you had always been mindful and concerned of your girlfriend, putting her before yourself. She knew that you hated the idea of hurting her or betraying her and whenever you thought you had, you would be over cumbered with guilt and then profusely apologize after some time to scold and punish yourself with horrid thoughts.

For as long as Natasha had known you, you had never betrayed her once. The multiple occasions you’ve said you had done so was purely an overreaction on your part. 

--- flashback ---

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to look at her. You know I’d never look at anyone else in the way I look at you. I’m so, so sorry. Please forgive me.” You spoke as you buried your face into the crook of her neck, holding her tightly, afraid that if you loosened your vice like grip around her waist for a millisecond, she’d leave in an instant. You’re breathing was erratic, clearly panicking about whether she’ll leave you ‘cause of your ‘slip up’.

“Y/N, seriously, you’ve done nothing wrong.” Natasha soothed into your ear, stroking your hair gently. “Just because you happened to look up from your phone the same time as that girl bent down, it doesn’t mean you messed up. It’s not like you were actively looking at her tits baby.” She cooed, trying to add humour into the situation but you clearly felt just as guilty as you did before.

“Babe, the fact that you looked away instantly just shows you not only have respect for me and our relationship, but to other women as well is one of the reasons I love you but please stop feeling guilty for something that’s not worth it.” Natasha continued.

You planted a small kiss upon Natasha’s shoulder before fully raising your head to look down at your girlfriend. “I love you.” You spoke quietly, afraid what would happen if your voice raised even a decibel higher.

Natasha looked into your eyes, still seeing the guilt you hold behind them and sighed. “I love you too, Y/N. Now, how about we finally head down to the living room for movie night?” She smiled as a small smile had broken on to your face also.

“Sure.” You grabbed her hand, interlocking your fingers with her before leaving your shared bedroom and heading to the elevator, ready to wrap your arms around your girlfriend on the couch whilst you and the rest of the Avengers watch Short Circuit.

--- end of flashback ---

Natasha has always loved your honestly and dislike towards disloyalty within relationships but sometimes, she felt as though you sometimes overreacted when someone flirts with you. 

She hates how you beat yourself up when you feel guilty about something you couldn’t have done anything about in a situation you were thrown into unwillingly.

As she walked along the hallways of the compound, she noted Steve, Bucky, Sam and Clint further up in the direction she was headed towards talking. Once Natasha got closer to the quartet of men, she asked of your whereabouts. 

“Last I heard, she was down in the lab, sitting quietly with Bruce and Tony.” Clint had answered his friend. The other three men nodded in agreement.

Natasha smiled in thanks before making her way towards the main lab that usually occupies Tony, Bruce and yourself.

finally reaching the lab, she was about to open the door when she heard the voices of the three of you talking clearly.

“I still feel bad, man. Whether something was on accident or not shouldn’t be an excuse for that.” You said in a solemn, guilt-ridden tone. “What makes you think she’ll say yes to marrying me if I’m constantly looking at other people!”

Natasha’s breath hitches at the mention of marriage. You wanted to marry her. A huge grin made its way on to her face, cheeks nearly splitting at how far her lips had upturned. The rest of your conversation was all but muted to her as she thought of being your wife.

Before the three could continue with their conversation, Natasha had opened the door and alerted you and the science bros of her entrance. She smiled widely towards you whilst you looked like a deer caught in the headlights of an on-coming truck. She paced quickly towards you then surged forward to connect her lips to yours.

Your eyes had widen in shock before quickly closing as you melted into the kiss, responding to the affection with just as much emotion. You held on to her hips with a feather-like touch, as if afraid she’ll break whilst her arms snake their way around your neck, pulling you deeper into her kiss. 

Before either of your lungs could collapse in on their selves from lack of oxygen, you broke apart. She grinned up at you as you looked down at her with a dazed expression embedded into your features. You hadn’t even noticed the pair of scientists leave their lab to give you two some much needed alone time.

“So, you wanna marry me, huh?” Natasha whispered in a playful tone. The blissful and content expression was quickly wiped off of your face as she said that and was quickly replaced with a deep red blush and a look of embarrassment at the fact that you had been caught red handed.

“I-uh-I,yeah, I uh-I’ve been meaning to ask you for a month now but I guessed it was never the right time.” You chuckled and smiled sheepishly down at your girlfriend.

“Or is it because whenever you plan to ask, you “mess up” and have to apologize.” Natasha had added air quotes around mess up as she truly believed that you have never done so once. Obviously, you’d beg to differ.

You looked down guiltily, scared to look the red head in the eye. “I’m sorry. I know I messed up again. She asked for my help and then I just kinda saw them. I’m so sorry. I get if you want to bre-”

You were cut off by Natasha gently pressing her soft lips to yours, them moulding together perfectly. She pulled away just as quickly as she had initiated the kiss and leaned her forehead on yours. “Ask me.” She whispers, eyes searching your own for something neither of you knew truly what for.

“What?”

“Ask me. That is, if you still wan to marry me.”

Realisation quickly crossed your features. It was almost comical how your eyes had widened and your mouth drop open into an ‘O’ as you frantically search your pockets for the velvety box.

Soon enough, you found the cuboid container and grasped it into your hand as you retracted it from your pocket in a tight grip. You dropped down on to one knee and cleared your throat at least 20 times before you attempted to speak. 

“Natasha,” The clearing of your throat had apparently not mattered as your voice had still broken into a higher pitch when you spoke her name. Quickly clearing your throat of the dry lump, you attempted your proposal once again. “Natasha, will you marry me? I did have a whole speech about two papers long but I forgot it, sorry.” Your sheepish smile barely concealed your nervousness as you waited for an answer.

“Yes, Y/N, yes I will marry you.” Natasha spoke as she nodded vigorously. You were stunned for a moment before speedily recomposing yourself and pulled the ring from the box to place upon your now fiancé’s finger. 

After you slipped the simple yet elegantly beautiful ring upon her slender, pale finger, she tugged you up with a huge burst of strength before once again plummeting her lips on to yours, kissing you feverishly, conveying both of your love for each other.

The kiss was soon broke and both your eyes had opened to reveal each others beaming smiles towards their loved one. “I think we should tell the others.” Natasha suggested.

“We already know. congratulations. Now, don’t fuck in my lab.” Tony spoke, soon followed by a scalding from Bruce and congratulations from the rest of the Avengers.

“Maybe we should do Banner and Stark a favour and keep their lab sanitary.” You chucked as you spoke. “There are a million places more comfortable that a lab for those kind of activities.”

“Well then, lead the way.” Natasha spoke with a hint of playfulness.

You smirked and grabbed the back of her thighs, signifying her to jump, which she did so gracefully, wrapping her legs around your torso and your hands move to hold her up by her ass. “Yes ma’am.”

And with that, you left with your fiancé to consummate your engagement with the love of your life, leaving behind the guilt of a non-existent issue.

_______________

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Yo I am in love with every female marvel character I swear

My first Natasha fic which I really enjoyed writing

I hope you enjoy

And as always, constructive criticism and requests are welcomed and greatly appreciated :D

[savagetrickster]

Wet Dreams  (NSFW) | BNHA

Whew, sorry for the delay! I had such a busy week I couldn’t fit in any time to write this. Thank you for your patience and enthusiasm for this one :D It’s like super late at where I am already and I only proofread this twice so there may be some errors here and there (I hope not)

*nervous laughter* I am scared tbh, of what you guys think about this.

Themes/warnings: 18+, aged-up, overstimulation, daddy kink, suggestive breeding kink

.

Over the two years to them now as students of Class 3-A, she had to say that dating Tenya Iida was...interesting.

Being the class president and who he was, he was someone who had a firm belief in reserving sex after marriage. 

Reluctance was always his response before he loses control; something about seeing him trying to hold himself back was stirring.

Somehow whenever she managed to get him so worked up that he couldn’t resist, he was a beast. 

One hell of a kinky beast. Who could leave her legs shaking, her eyes rolling back and her aching with trembles for more. 

Even after being fucked so hard by him, she would find herself soaking wet the next time she saw him. 

His thick thighs and the broad, meaty girth between them...it was like they were tattooed into her memories and her core.

Etched so well into her that her dreams were always hot and full of him.

That was how she woke up today. 

The bedsheet under her was stained with her needs for him and the urge to get him to pound into her again, just like what she saw in her sleep.

The last time they did anything close to what she dreamt was months ago. 

She couldn’t take it anymore. These dreams haunting her told her that.

The small vibrator stuffed inside her now paled in comparison to him, but that doesn’t mean it was useless. 

A mischievous glint sat in her eyes as she approached him, delighted to find him sitting on the couch with eyes fixated on his phone, an arm hanging loosely on the armrest. 

It was still early and being a Saturday, most of their classmates slept in, given by how empty the common areas were.

But of course, for Tenya, he would be up early regardless of the day. 

“Morning, babe.” 

In one swift motion, she slipped under the arm holding his phone to his face and straddled him. 

Arms sliding over his broad shoulders, her chest was pressed up against his hard one while making sure her naked folds were right where she wanted to arouse with the powerful little device waiting inside. 

“Good morning, (Name).” His chest rumbled to his distracted voice, a hand resting on her waist.

Clearly engrossed with whatever he was reading on his phone.

But that was okay- 

A smirking glint entered her playful eyes. 

-he wouldn’t be any longer. 

Her thumb pushed into a button on the remote in her hand.

She forced back a moan the moment low vibration began to traverse through her heated core. 

The muscles in her thighs clenched as she focused her weight on his crotch, waiting for his reaction with bated breath.

Much to her delight, she felt his body underneath hers jolt sharply with a startled gasp, his hand around her waist tightening.

The tension in his body fell as soon as her thumb pressed into the stop button.

Her lips pressed against his shoulder moved right next to his ear. “Did you feel that?”

“...Wha-What was that? His warm breath shuddered against her skin.

“That was-”

“Good morning, guys!” 

Their heads turned and were greeted by Uraraka with Asui trailing behind. 

“Good morning, Uraraka-chan! Asui-chan!” 

Her thumb shifted away from the stop button.

“Morning Urara-”

A choked moan interrupted Tenya’s words as he was met with another set of vibrations.

She suppressed her urge to burst out laughing.

“What’s wrong, Tenya?” Feigned concern softened her face as she patted his back. “You okay?”

“I-I’m fine.” Tenya murmured through gritted teeth, his shaky hand left her waist to push his glasses up his nose. 

“St-Stop...” He slipped a trembling whisper to (Name).

His eyebrows clenched to the delicious thrill of heat grinding against him, trying his best not to make any more sound. 

“You’re probably coming down with a sore throat, Iida-chan.” Asui pressed a finger thoughtfully to her cheek. 

“Yeah, he is probably coming down with something.” 

Her thumb pressed into the button, sharply increasing the tremors between her legs.

A strained sound sitting between a hiss and grunt rushed into her ears immediately.

Her teeth bit down on her lips as she tried not to moan to the warmth prodding up against her, jammed right between her leaking slit.

“S-Shit…” Amusement curled her lips at the curse under his breath.

She loved it when he cursed - from the word out of his mouth to his erection poking her, she knew he was losing it.

She just needed something more.

“Don’t worry about Tenya,” She drew away from his shoulders, using her movement to roll her hips against him as she shifted to smile at the girls reassuringly, “He’ll be-”

It was fast and so abrupt.

A hasty mutter akin to ‘sorry we need to discuss something privately’ lingered with the girls in the gush of wind they left behind.

The nauseating discomfort brimmed in her chest at the frightening speed Tenya hurled them out of the lounge in as she clung tightly onto him. 

In her next blink, they were in his room and Tenya was locking the door behind them.

“T-Tenya, I-”

She felt her next breath puff out of her as the dizzying speed of his strong arms plucked her off him. Her forearms were propped against his desk before she could get a grip on their situation.

Fingers curling around the remote he stole from her hands, his hands flew down to her hips in a bruising grip to pull her toward him, the zip of her dress went down and her ass shifted to stick out behind her.

A choked moan elicited out of her as his thick fingers shoved and dug into her folds in an almost urgent pace. 

In the mix of the stirring heat rumbling with the vibrator and the strains his fingers made against her walls, her body shook with a searing pleasure.

Her hands struggled to slip the spaghetti straps off her shoulders but mustered through it anyway, her dress falling to the floor with a dull rustling thud. 

She couldn't really tell how many fingers he stuffed into her but the daring drastic stretch was enough to make her toes curl up. 

Adorned with a red flush flustered across her cheeks, her lips fell apart in a silent whimper as he prodded and stretched her.

The wet, lewd squelches responding to his burrowing fingers were too loud to fall past her notice, fanning her carnal needs even more. 

Her arousal continued to pour over his plugged fingers, dripping down on the collected puddle between her legs.

"Ten...ya," a deep gulp went down her throat, "I need you to-"

"Tenya? Tenya?" His voice was low but edging with a dangerous tone. 

The slap across her ass rang out with a harsh clap against her skin.

"I-I mean...Daddy." A helpless whimper left her as her eyebrows clenched at the stinging pain rippling across her butt cheek. 

“At least you got that right,” his calm and even voice dipped almost menacingly, his hand flying to the buckle holding his pants, "After what you pulled just now, you think you deserve to demand your needs?”

“No, I’m-”

A sudden wider stretch made by the intrusion of another finger inside her drew a sharp cry out of her, the scissors movement invoking quivers down her legs. 

Oh god, yes...this was the beast she was looking for. The absolutely sexy side of Tenya Iida only she had the privilege to see.

“I’m-I’m sorry,” Saliva trickled down to her chin as she panted harshly, mustering her words through the jolts of pleasure distracting her, 

“I’ve been craving for you for months. So much that my nights were always filled with dreams of you fucking me. I need you, Daddy, please.”

His hard glint behind his glasses on her arched back softened slightly, shifting the crumpled jeans pooling at his feet aside. 

“I see,” His working fingers paused against her walls. “so I’ve been neglecting you, huh.” 

She nodded weakly.

The thrumming within her suddenly intensified, ripping her next breath out of her.

“But it would be a little too easy if I just gave it to you, wouldn’t it?” 

Among her gasping whimpers, she heard a smirk in his voice.

“So share with me, what exactly did you dream?” 

Strong vibrations rubbed thrilling shivers into her throbbing walls as his fingers slowly and elaborately retreated through her with the vibrator within their grasp.

“Of...Of me riding you.” She managed before gulping deeply.

“Is that all? His fingers paused to push the vibrator into her heated walls, spiking her whimpers with a choked cry. “Doesn’t seem like you need me that much.”

“N-No, not...not just that, y-you beat your cock so well into me that I always end up pregnant in those dreams and I’d always wake up wishing those were real.” 

The juddering intensity inside her was retching trickles and trickles of her slick arousal out of her cunt, spilling over his fingers as her folds quivered along her trembling walls. 

“An-And this is how much I need you.” A sob ripped through her panting words,  “So...please, I need you to fuck me right now!”

Breathless sobs scattering into the room was joined by his strangled moan. 

The vibrating device between his fingers ceased as his stunned gaze bore into her.

Behind his glasses, his widened eyes wavered as a trembling breath shuddered out of him.

Shit, she dreamt of...that? 

The image of her rounded and swollen with his baby painted in his heated mind by her words jolted a rippling throb through his aching, bulging girth. 

Provokingly arousing enough to ignite an explosive splutter of his pre-cum from his erection pressing against his boxers - too soaked to be a mere stain.

Tenya yanked the vibrator out of her in one move and flung it aside along with its controller- 

the harsh curt jerk of his fingers from her clenching walls forced a surprised cry from her. 

-before moving the same hand to tug his boxer down.

Splatters of his pre-cum landed on her accentuated butt cheeks as his cock sprang free. 

His hand ran a testing stroke over his generous length as he planted himself right behind her sopping cunt, discarding his boxers behind him. 

“Sorry love, I can’t make you a mother right now,” 

Dark blue eyes glimmered with primal lust as he watched his hand run his hard cock through her dribbling slick fluid soaking her folds. 

"But I've never wanted to fuck you more than I do now." His growl could be felt, reverberating to her as his cock prodded against her weeping cunt, ready to push himself in.

Her breath instantly hitching with a gasp as his swollen girth stretched her slit apart.  

She knew what was coming, but there wasn’t enough time to prepare herself for it.

The tight muscles running down the back of his muscular thighs clenched as he thrusted his hip sharply forward, plunging through the thick coat of her arousal with an audible, slippery squelch.

Her tattered moan lingered behind his growling grunt, her eyes nearly rolling.

Oh fuck, he was so...huge.

“Always so...” A hiss sifted through his gritted teeth, his glasses slipping lower as he drew himself back to his tip, trying his hardest not to spill doing so. “...tight.”

Her shaking hands curling tightly against his desk as a drawling moan rode through her as the veins lining him dragged delicious frictions against her in his draw-back. 

“Ye-yes...yes, just like this.” Her sighing words reducing into incoherent babble as she relished in the wide tug straining her overheating walls.

A rough shove back into her seared her vision momentarily with a startling flash of pleasure and forced a curt shriek through her mouth.

Whimpers and giddy moans stuttered out of her as she marvelled at the satisfying heat of pleasure his ramming pace set her in.

Her clothed breasts shook to every harsh snap of his hips. Her arched back was trembling to every rush of pleasure through her.

The firm muscles in his sculpted thighs right up to his taut ass rippled and clenched, announcing his hammering thrusts.

Before him, her wavering eyes staring in a daze at the neat row of books before her as her body jerked every time his cock rushed into her, prying her wide open over and over again.

“O-ohh daddy,” A pleading whine drawled sultry through her parted lips as lusty carnal desire burned into her clutching walls at every plunder. 

Her mind was high, heated, and hazy with the alluring recollection of her dreams. 

“I…” A deep hunger was gnawing and stirring within her. “I can’t wait for the day you could fill me up.”

A sharp exhale left his hasty expanding chest with a shuddering moan at her words. He could feel the building load in his cock straining tight inside her relentless squeezing walls.

“So-Someday,” His hands dug deeper into her hips as he mustered through his grunts. “I’ll be sure to do that.”

The ruts pummeling into her grew more passionate with speed and power as her needy moans and mewls drifting to his ears resonated with his own greedy ones.

Pushing his glasses up his nose with loud pants, Tenya reached a hand up her arched back and held her hair in a wrapping, firm grip. 

Sweat crawled down the sides of his face as he smirked down at her. “And you’ll be calling me Daddy for real once I put a little Iida into you.”

Her walls clamped responsively around him.

The smirk on his face faltering instantly as a breathy groan rumbled in his chest to the merciless tight grip around his pumping cock. 

Her delirious, sultry sigh fleeting into the lustful air curled a tighter coil in his cock.

Each time her walls gripped and squeezed him, his pulsing cock yearned for more and pushed him to slip an arm under her leg, hiking her up as his thrusts flashed fast inside her.

Sobbing moans tumbled through her as her body rocked against the desk. 

“Oh fuck, oh fuck, I’m-”

In the dense heat, the rattling light slams against the wall behind his desk thudded fiercely almost in sync along with the furious, wet squelches between their vigorously shaking bodies. 

“Ten...ya!” 

Shattering blaze of pleasure shuddered through her fiercely convulsing walls as her mouth hung open in a silent scream at the shocking thrill flashing past her hastily blinking eyes.

With her electrifying release wreaking through her, her arms lost their strength to hold her up; in the movement, her face was inevitably pressed into his desk and her ass was pushed up even more snug against him. 

A strained groan left him through his gritted teeth as his jaw clenched in his struggle against the ravenous grips her squeezing walls made. 

Mustering through her urgent needs with a grunt, his hips continued snapping against her, his cock burrowing into her in a furious, frenzied pace. 

Sweating broad back held in an arch, his taut thighs clenched and rippled furiously as he angled his hip with emphasis, pounding into her leaking slit with fervor in his thrusting slams and in his heated eyes. 

Between his wild ruts, both hands held her firmly to him as he fought for his own release.

Even in the aftermath of her high, the bright flashes of pleasure searing her clenching walls wouldn’t stop. 

Each wide, drastic stretch of her cervix was addictive and jolting enough to send her eyes nearly rolling back between his desperate thrusts.

Her mewls rose higher and raunchier to his elaborated, ambitious delves into her.

A harsh breath puffed out of his parted panting lips- “Fuck.” 

-and with that, Tenya yanked himself out of her with one drawling, strangled grunt, in time to spurt white, rich cum over her.

She shuddered a gasping whimper as she felt his warm, slick load splatter and coat her behind.

Her own arousal was freed out of her clutching walls, dribbling in thick coats onto the floor as she turned around on shaking legs to wrap her arms around his waist.

“...Tha-Thank you, Tenya, I really needed this.”

[lumosandnoxwriting]

Trying So Hard - Harry Potter

Title: Trying So Hard Pairing: Harry x Fem!Reader Warnings: NSFW!!! Unprotected sex, fingering, tbh this is pretty vanilla lmao mentions of pregnancy/trouble conceiving! Summary: Sometimes in life instead of trying hard, it’s best to not try at all. A/N: for the anon who wanted Harry and his wife trying to get pregnant! Feedback is always welcome!!

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“Negative,” Y/N sighs sadly as she rejoins Harry in their bedroom. She drops the used pregnancy test in the garbage can before collapsing onto their bed.

Harry frowns and moves so he’s laying next to Y/N and wraps an arm around her middle, pulling her to his chest tightly. “It’s okay, sweetheart. We knew it wouldn’t happen first try. It’ll happen when the time is right, yeah?”

“But this wasn’t the first try,” Y/N responds quietly. “Five months and five negative pregnancy tests. I thought now was the right time, but I guess not.”

Deciding when to have a baby was not an easy decision for Harry and Y/N. Both of their careers have been thriving, and they were both torn on whether they were ready to slow them down to have a family. But every time a baby so much as looked at Y/N when they were out in public her heart would melt and her chest would start to yearn for her own little bundle of joy to coo at. And whenever Harry stopped by Hogwarts to give a guest lecture or visit Hagrid he couldn’t help but wonder what it’ll feel like when he gets to send his own kids off to school. Spending the holidays with the Weasleys surrounded by Bill’s and Percy’s kids only solidified what Y/N and Harry felt in their hearts: they were ready to start their family. They decided to start trying in the new year, and now with it nearly halfway gone, they’re no closer to beginning parents then they were at the start.

Harry starts to rub Y/N’s back in slow strokes, leaning down to kiss her on the forehead. “I know it’s gotta be discouraging, sweetheart. All the negatives. But half the fun of starting a family is making the baby, isn’t it?” he jokes, hoping to make Y/N smile. The corners of her mouth twitch faintly, and Harry leans down to hiss her softly. “So, we’ll just keep trying and before you know it we’ll be swimming in baby clothes and diapers. Just you wait and see.”

“I know, I know,” Y/N sniffles as tears suddenly start to flow down her cheeks. “It’s just so discouraging, seeing that stupid negative each time. Like we’re not supposed to have a baby or something.”

“Y/N,” Harry coos, holding her tightly as she sobs. “Everything will be okay. We just gotta trust the process.” Harry starts to rub her back harder, slowly rocking them on their bed, desperately trying to make his wife feel better.

-

“You take the test?” Harry asks excitedly as he joins Y/N in bed. In their efforts to start a family Y/N has started tracking her cycle more closely and taking fertility tests to determine when it’s at its highest and giving them the best chance at conceiving. They’ve been trying for seven months now, and Harry has gotten pretty good at remembering when the different parts of her cycle occur.

“No,” Y/N says flatly, not even bothering to look up at Harry from her book.

It had only Y/N two more months of trying and two more negative pregnancy tests after her breakdown for her to get completely discouraged. Her and Harry have an unlimited amount of yearning for a baby and an equal amount of love to give a baby, but clearly the universe doesn’t think they’re ready, or deserving of one. It doesn’t help that it seems everywhere she goes is filled with pregnant women and babies. Three of her coworkers announce they’re expecting in the same week, and when Y/N stops at the market on the way home she’s stuck in the checkout line with a baby on either side of her. It’s as if the universe is laughing at her, and it’s starting to make Y/N think that having a baby just isn’t in the cards for her and Harry.

Harry’s eyebrows furrow as he slips under the covers next to Y/N. “You got your period already? It’s like what, 10 days early?”

Y/N rolls her eyes, of course Harry would know that. “No, I just don’t feel like doing anything tonight is all. No matter what those stupid fertility tests say.”

“Sweetheart,” Harry starts, reaching out to grab her hip. When Y/N scoots away from his touch he frowns. “I know it’s been hard on you, all the negative tests. But we just gotta keep trying, yeah? We’ll get there eventually and that’s what matters.”

“I’m just not in the mood tonight, Harry,” Y/N says firmly, finally looking away from her book so she can look Harry in the eyes. “It feels like we’ve been having sex nonstop since January I just want one night to myself. Is that alright with you?”

Harry’s taken aback by Y/N’s harsh tone and he retracts the hand he’d been trying to settle on her before leaning back against the pillows. “Alright, yeah. Of course, Y/N. Whatever you want.”

-

Except one-night turns to two, which turns to three. And then before Harry knows it Y/N’s period starts, and their baby making window for the month has closed with them barely even kissing, let alone trying to conceive. He gets that Y/N is disappointed that they haven’t  had the easiest time getting pregnant but shutting him out completely is certainly not the answer to their problems. It seems like every time he tries to touch her she’s shying away, barely letting his fingers ghost over her skin and as much as he misses their sexual intimacy, he misses their regular intimacy as well. Harry’s so used to just casually reaching over and grabbing Y/N’s hand while they walk together or sit and eat together, or throwing his arm over her shoulder and cuddling her close while they sit on the couch together and the feeling of her body tangled with his in their bed never fails to lull him to sleep. But now all he has to get by is a quick kiss in the morning before work and another before they go to sleep. It’s killing him on the inside, and he wish he knew how to make her feel better.

“What going on with you?” Hermione asks during lunch one day. “You’ve been awfully quiet for the past few days. Something’s gotta be on your mind.”

Harry sighs and pushes some of the food around on his plate. His and Y/N’s baby making plans have been a secret shared only between them, so that when they’d reveal the news of their pregnancy to their friends and family it’d be even more surprising. But Harry needs to talk to someone and if Y/N won’t let him in Hermione and Ron are his next best options.

“Just relationship stuff with Y/N. We’ve been going through it the past couple months,” Harry responds, looking up at his friends.

“Marriage isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, eh?” Ron jokes, prompting Hermione to smack him on the arm. “I was only trying to make him laugh ‘mione, no need to turn this into a domestic,” Ron grumbles, rubbing the spot Hermione hit.

Hermione rolls her eyes fondly and reaches over to grab Ron’s hand, giving it a tight squeeze. “What’s going on, Harry? Did you two get into a fight or something?”

“Not exactly. We’ve been trying to a baby since the start of the year and things just aren’t working and-.”

Hermione holds her hand up to cut Harry off. “I’m sorry, what? You’ve been trying for a baby and haven’t told us? We’re your best friends, Harry.”

Harry’s cheeks flush pink. “We haven’t told anyone, Hermione. That way when we announced it everyone would be more surprised, and it’d be more special. But it’s been 7 months, and nothing has happened yet, and Y/N is getting, I dunno, depressed maybe? We didn’t try at all last month and she barely even lets me touch her anymore.”

Hermione frowns. “I’m sorry, Harry. I can’t even imagine what you and Y/N must be going through. Have you tried talking to her about it?”

“I don’t even really know what to say,” Harry admits honestly. “I feel like I’d end up saying something stupid and end up making things worse.”

“Then do something to make her feel special. Let her know that you’re thinking about her and that you’ll be there when she’s ready to talk,” Hermione explains softly. “Help take some of the pressure I’m sure she’s feeling off of her shoulders. Reconnect naturally, take things slow. Let her know there’s no rush to have a baby. That it’ll happen when it happens and that’s alright with you.”

-

“Harry, love. I’m home!” Y/N shouts as she shuts the door behind her. The living room is drenched in shakes of orange and red from the sunset streaming in through the windows, but the rest of the house is dark. She can see the faintest light coming from somewhere upstairs, so she heads towards it, throwing her bag on the couch and kicking her shoes off as she goes. “You up here, love?”

A surprised noise falls from her lips when she enters their bedroom, her eyes landing on Harry. He’s standing in the middle of the candlelit room holding a bouquet of roses, with a bright smile on his face. She steps into the room slowly, feeling tears coming to her eyes.

“Welcome home, sweetheart,” Harry greets, handing Y/N the flowers. He wraps his arms around her waist and presses a soft kiss to her cheek. “Have a good day at work?”

“Uh yeah, it was sound,” Y/N responds slowly, her mind racing to try and figure out what’s going on. Her eyes flutter closed as she takes a deep breath, smelling the sweet scent the roses are giving off. She relaxes into Harry’s embrace for what feels like the first time in weeks. “What’s all this for? Did I forget our anniversary or something?”

Harry chuckles, shaking his head. “Just wanted to do something to show you how much I appreciate you, Y/N. I know things this year haven’t worked out the way we wanted them to and that’s disappointing for both of us, but that’s okay. Having a baby is supposed to be fun and exciting and I think we’ve been putting too much pressure on it. So, to hell with the fertility tests and having sex just because we’re trying to have a baby. Let’s just, be together. And if a baby comes this year it comes. And if not, we’ll just keep trying.”

“Harry,” Y/N says softly, pressing their lips together in a passionate kiss. She can feel a few tears leaking down her cheeks, wiping a few away as their kiss breaks. “I’ve been such an awful wife and just person in general lately. I’ve been pushing you away instead of just talking to you about how I feel. I just kept thinking that it’s my fault that we haven’t gotten pregnant yet and I just feel so bad. Like I’m not good enough for you or something.”

Harry takes the bouquet of roses from Y/N and tosses them aside so he can embrace Y/N properly. “Sweetheart you should never feel like that. It’s not your fault, it’s just life. The universe will give us a baby when it’s our time.” Harry kisses her again, cupping her face gently. “Now you can go soak in the bath I just drew while I order us some dinner.”

Y/N bites her lip and brings her hands up to Harry’s neck, dangling her hands in the hair on the back of his head. “Or we could make up for lost time,” she whispers, bringing their mouths together in a hot kiss. Y/N feels Harry’s grip tighten on her waist as he deepens their kiss, and she starts to move them back towards the bed.

“Only if you’re sure, sweetheart,” Harry breathes as he lands on the bed. He watches with wide eyes as Y/N pulls her shirt off over her head, his eyes raking over every inch of skin that’s revealed. He pulls his own shirt off and grabs Y/N’s hips as she settles on his lap.

“Very sure,” she purrs, leaning down to press kisses against Harry’s neck. “I’ve been lonely without you, Harry and it feels like the right time.” Y/N reattaches their lips, grinding her hips down against Harry’s as she slowly lays him back on the bed.

Harry lets out a gasp against Y/N’s mouth as she grinds down against him, his cock twitching in his trousers. He guides her hips down against him, letting his lips trail down across Y/N’s jaw to her neck. “God I’ve missed you,” he groans, nipping at the sensitive skin on her throat.

Y/N moans as Harry sucks on her neck and reaches behind herself to unhook her bra. Once the piece of fabric is off of her arms she tosses it aside and rolls onto her back, so Harry is now hovering over her. “Yeah? Missed having me wrapped around you?” she asks through a moan as Harry nips at her collarbone.

Harry kisses further down Y/N’s chest, stopping to flick at her nipples with his tongue. “You have no idea, sweetheart. I love being close with you, I’ve missed the feeling of your body against mine.”

“Harry,” Y/N moans as he takes one of her nipples in his mouth, her nails scratching down his back. She pushes her hips up against his, desperately searching for friction on her aching pussy. Y/N hasn’t felt the best about herself over the past few weeks, but having Harry make an effort to make her feel special has put her on top of the world, and she’s aching with need.

Harry chuckles and leans up, pressing a brief kiss to Y/N’s mouth. He smirks as her hands immediately land on the waist band of his jeans and her fingers start to work at the button and zipper. “Someone’s eager,” he teases lightly, pinching and rolling one of Y/N’s nipples between his fingers. Her back arches and a breathy moan falls from her lips, causing him to apply more pressure.

Y/N whines as Harry takes her nipple back into his mouth, her fingers shaking as she shoves his jeans and boxers down to the tops of his thighs. Her hand immediately wraps around his cock, starting to stroke him lightly. “Please, Harry. More.”

Harry groans as her hand twists around his cock, his hips moving up into her strokes. It’s only been a few weeks since they were last intimate, but the feeling of Y/N’s hand gripping him tightly is pure euphoria. It makes him feel like a teenager again, when everything was new and exciting. The past several months sex between them has felt robotic, still extremely pleasurable, but it was as if it was a necessity, not something they were doing because they both yearned for the touch of their spouse. But this, tonight, feels passionate and raw like how they used to be and while Harry would love to draw this out, he feels just as desperate as Y/N does and he can’t help but give  into her demands.

“Anything for you, sweetheart.” Harry kisses Y/N again before reluctantly pulling away and getting off the bed to rid her of the rest of her clothes. He takes her skirt and panties off in one go, letting his eyes trail up her bare legs to her dripping core as he settles back on the bed between her splayed thighs. He lets his fingers ghost up her soft legs heading to wear she needs him most. Harry just barely brushes her clit with his thumb, his index finger softly circling her entrance. “So wet, sweetheart. Just gonna warm you up a bit before I give you what you want.”

Y/N lets out a low moan as Harry sinks his index finger into her pussy, her walls immediately clenching and flexing around the digit. “So good,” she pants, her hips starting to work down against his hand. “Always make me feel so good, Harry.”

Harry flushes under Y/N’s praise, and he leans up to kiss her slowly as he brings another finger in to join the first. He curls them both, and when Y/N moans he takes the opportunity to lick into her mouth. He speeds up the movements of his fingers, scissoring them inside of her to make sure Y/N is ready to take him. He applies more pressure to her clit and kisses her one last time before pulling away. “Ready for me, sweetheart?”

Y/N swallows thickly as she nods, her chest heaving with deep breaths. She can’t remember the last time she was this turned on from a bit of teasing, and her pussy is aching to be full of Harry. “Always ready for you, love.”

Harry hitches on of Y/N’s legs on his hip and grabs the base of his cock, slowly guiding himself to her entrance. He braces himself over her on one hand, rolling his hips forward slowly until he’s fully sheathed inside of Y/N. They both groan as their hips touch and Harry leans down to kiss Y/N sweetly.

“Move please,” Y/N begs as Harry breaks their kiss, her hips slowly grinding down against him. She lets out a whine as Harry starts to finally move, his hips moving at a moderate pace as they slam back into her hard. “God you feel incredible, Harry. Missed your cock so much.”

Harry brings one of his hands to Y/N’s core, starting to rub her clit in hard circles. Her thighs are trembling around him and Harry starts to fuck back into Y/N quicker. “Feel so good, sweetheart. Always so tight for me, gripping me so well.” He can feel her walls pulsating around him and Harry hitches the leg on his hip over her shoulder so he can fuck even deeper into Y/N. “Fuck,” he moans at the new angle, his hips stuttering. “Feel like heaven, Y/N.”

“Getting so close Harry, fuck,” Y/N moans as her toes curl from the pleasure radiating around her body. The tip of Harry’s cock is massaging her g-spot with every thrust and with the lack of sexual activity between them the past few weeks she can already feel her orgasm edging closer and closer. “Harder,” she begs, reaching up to dig her nails into his shoulders.

Harry complies, slamming his hips into Y/N’s with more power. “Come on, sweetheart. Want you to cum on my cock. Wanna make you feel good.”

“Oh god Harry, fuck,” Y/N moans as she cums, her eyes rolling to the back of her head and her back arching as pleasure rolls through her body. She can feel her thighs trembling and she clenches around Harry tighter, wanting to bring him to his orgasm as well.

“That’s it sweetheart, gonna cum, fuck,” Harry groans, his grip on Y/N’s hip tightening as he reaches his climax. His hips roll slowly as his cock twitches inside of her, shooting his release deep into Y/N. He doesn’t stop moving until he’s emptied himself completely and he slowly pulls out before collapsing against Y/N on the bed.

“I love you so much,” Y/N murmurs as she cuddles into Harry’s side, pressing a kiss into his sweaty skin.

Harry hums and leans down to press a kiss to the top of her head. “I love you too, Y/N.” Harry kisses her again, before lifting her chin up to look Y/N in the eyes. “How about that bath?” he asks with a cheeky grin.

-

“Oh my god,” Y/N gasps, her hand shaking as she looks at the pregnancy test in her hand. The positive pregnancy test in her hand.

She’s not even sure what possessed her to take the test. Her period isn’t even late yet and she’s felt no symptoms, but when she left Harry on the couch watching a film to use the bathroom, she had this overwhelming urge to take a pregnancy test. They had bought them in bulk when they first started trying, and there were still a few stashed under the sink in their bathroom, waiting for when the moment was right. Y/N hadn’t even thought this could be the moment, but now that it is she can feel happy tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Took you long enough,” Harry comments absentmindedly when he hears Y/N’s footsteps approach. “Missed half the bloody movie you were gone so long.” When Y/N doesn’t join in with his laughter Harry turns around, worry immediately taking over him when he notices the tears on her face. “What happened? What’s wrong?”

Y/N joins Harry on the couch excitedly, shoving the pregnancy test into his face. “I’m pregnant. We’re pregnant. We’re gonna have a baby!”

Harry’s jaw drop as he looks at the test in his hands, reading the word pregnant over and over again. He looks up at Y/N then and he lurches forward kissing her hard. “I love you so fucking much,” he whispers, pulling Y/N into a tight hug.

“I love you too,” Y/N responds, placing her hands on her stomach between them. “You and our baby.”

[antiloreolympus]

14 Anti LO Asks

1. To the one anon: good question - how is it that the mortals dont know who Persephone is / assume she is a minor goddess and therefore its okay to mess with her but the gods (or Olympians / underworld denizens) know exactly everything about her (despite her being there only every so often and only being 20ish) - enough to say shes "wearing her signature white color" during a murder trial.

Also the reason why Persephone is wearing white is because

A). RS wanted persephone to always be "dressed as a bride" (and have Hades dressed as a groom respectively) to show that their matching / is supposed to be a visual cue that their eventually gonna be together.

B). I believe this is RS way of saying that Persephone (despite murdering some mortals) is innocent because in purity culture White = innocence, virginity, youth etc. (Even though RS explicity ssid she wanted to go against purity culture morals shes very much leaning into them). 

2. why are Psyche’s eyes yellow even in her human form? Is she sick??

3. honestly? LO is just gossisp girl at this point, espect even GG (at least in the first season) bothered to saturze the rich and was calling out how wealth and power makes them corrupt assholes. meanwhile LO is just GG season 2 and on of being like no no, the poor people are the evil people and the rich people are the oppressed ones! all while also fawning over their  wealth and status and being way into grown men wanting to bang barely legal teens and claiming to be "feminist" somehow.

4. Tumblr is well-known for broken tag system. Check the post' tags before complaining that it's op's fault. How about you guys not tag greek mythology when posting about LO? LO is not one-shot or short fancomic. It's also definitely not considered actual greek mythology. LO is years long webcomic with huge fans. LO has its own tag. Tell your fellow fans to stop using the greek mythology tag.

5. I would argue nyx is the only woman with a unique in design in LO but thats only because she looks like a deformed chicken woman. why was my night mom disrespected this much 😭

6. So now that LO is back from break and I can finally read chapter 170 - Why oh Why do ALL the female characters Have to be defined by their male love interests??? (Or really just love interests in general).

I understand LO qualifies as the "romance" genre and there are certain stipulations or I guess themes or what have you that make it romance but for f*cks sake.

Psyche being worried about Eros loving the "fake" her I kinda get, but really? Thats your most pressing concern?? Hera is defined by her garbage marriage to Zeus - King of the gods (of which is why she is Queen of the gods). Hestia + Athena are now defined solely by their relationship to each other (not the TGOEM or their respective traits of being a goddess of the hearth + goddess of war, strategy etc etc).

Aphrodite is defined by giving Persephone "relationship" advice (e.g: telling her to curb stomp Minthe because "nymphs dont take things from gods" - doubly implying that people are things to own) And by her jealousy of Persephone in the first place because Hades made a comment about how he thought Persephone was prettier than her. And also because of her "house of debauchery" (Artemis'  words) - and relationship with Ares.

Persephone is defined both by Apollo raping her and by her fated future status as Queen of the underworld (so her relationship with Hades). Hell, even the minor characters such as nymphs are defined by this relationship status / standard. Minthe is defined by her mean spirited personality yes, but Also because of her abusive relationship with Hades prior to the introduction of Persephone. Psyche is defined by her relationship woes with Eros. Daphne is defined by her relationship with Thanatos (and because shes a flower nymph) but also mostly because she looks like Persephone.

Rhea is defined by her marriage / relationship to Kronos (lets ignore the whole "fertility goddess power" plot for a second). Even Aetna is defined by Haphestus creating her! Is there not a single character (especially female) is isnt defined by their romantic love interest???Sorry. Maybe I'm overthinking this, but thats definitely how ot comes off as of late, in regard to the latest chapters.

Okay, same anon as earlier - I take it back somewhat - we have Artemis and Hecate that are not defined by their romantic relationships - but rather their lack of one.

However the way they are shown - it still comes off as a standard - "Artemis is stingy / a stick in the mud" because shes not romantically involved and is "barbaric" (according to Hera). And Hecate is still somewhat defined by her being Hades' employee (and cheerleader for him and Persephone to be together).

So technically yes, we have at least 2 characters that are not defined by their romantic interests / relationships, but they are still held to the standard of their "un-ladylike / undesirable" because their not romantically involved.

(I guess I should count Demeter, but only because shes more defined by just being "Persephone's overbearing mom" )

7. i think whats also kinda weird about this trial is like?? persephone is obvs framed as not liking the attention (bc duh) but she didnt like the previous press either, she wanted to be private, but wouldnt being with hades force her to be in the spotlight that makes her uncomfortable? also the citizens of the underworld already dislike hades, why would they want a uncontrollable felon as their queen, even if she found innocent? idk the whole thing just makes the endgame less plausible, tbh.

8. love that rachel was able to find a random deity name to name her random nymph the greek word for "beans" meanwhile apparently cant google actual greek names for even one off characters? like andrew, ellen, george, alexis, damian, luke, phoebe, sophia, and so any other english names are also greek, but she cant even bother with that? what exactly is her "research" if she cant even bother to spend 30 seconds googling greek names? at this point LO seems determined to be as un-Greek as possible.

9. wait so everyone in LO went from having no idea who persephone was, to her only showing up on ONE magazine cover, to now being the most well known person with a signature color? all in the span of two weeks with no genuine public outings? how does that make sense? also white isnt even her signature color if 90%+ the female cast and even a lot of the men ((including ZEUS) all wear it too.

10. the fact the courthouse WASNT the areopagus, aka the place in greece where they say the first ever trial ever happened and where the court system was invented, is just another point of rachel talking out her ass about being "respectful" or "researched" on greece and their mythology. its literally one of the most famous mythology spots ever with some fantastic stories to it and she's just like "nah! boring rectangle will do!" like why even both with mythology then if its this devoid of it?

11. Anons are saying Hades in the FS chapter is leaning down and talking to Persy like a child. Say it aint true.

(I wanna see. I thought RS was finally giving Persy adult proportions). 😨

12. So wait, hold up. I kinda get where RS is coming from with the law school in the underworld (because Hades is supposed to be a kinda Judge, jury, executioner situation in the afterlife when it comes to mortals and their "punishments" and whatnot). However, is RS stating that the ONLY law school / courthouse exists in the underworld? If so, why? Why wouldn't Athena be there then. She's a goddess of strategy and justice (among other things).

Also is RS really implying that Hades owns not only the banks and underworld but the law too? She really wants Hades to be a Gary Sue along side her Mary Sue - Hades controls everything that matters and since its his realm and blah blah blah rules, Zeus, king of the gods cant do anything about it.

(Which is dumb. Because you would think that because Persephone committed the crime in the mortal realm / on, or near Olympus that therefore she would be brought back there to dole out justice under Zeus jurisdiction because she committed the crime in His Realm). 

13. FP Spoiler ahead:

Why on earth couldn't the reporters have Greek names? There is so much wrong and bad with this story, yet this irks me so much. It is Brenda all over again.

14. i dont really get the point of the trial plotline, tbh. even persephone says she should be punished and held accountable, but hades is framed in the right for trying to go against that and weasel her out of it. so?? plus zeus has legit reason to punish them? persephone is a danger to others, demeter and hermes both committed treason to cover it up, and hades was harboring a fugitive of the law and is now trying to force the system to let her go. how is zeus in the wrong for this?

[catsnkooks]

fulminis instar

Darth Maul x (fem) reader

summary: "and if the devil were to see you, he would kiss your eyes and repent" - farouq gouida

word count: 2.7k

warnings: smut, 18+, praise kink, pet names, monsterfucking technically, tbh this is pretty tame considering my standards

a/n: psppssps maul fuckers c’mere!! time to shine baybeyyy

the pet name maul uses comes from @justalittlecloud​ and their maul drabbles please hit them up they’re fantastic

this is set in the same universe as a deo et rege. maul was never sliced n diced bc apm maul is peak maul sorry tcw maul simps but i’m right. much more plot in this i’m sorry but i gotta set it up

taglist: @littlevodika​ @bad-batch-of-fics​ @hounding-around​ @valkyrieofthehighfae​ @nelba​ @maggietheoneandonly​ @captainrexstan​ @anakinswhore​ @saxophonegirl97​ @answer-the-sirens​ @blue-space-porgs​ @fractiouskat @calamity-queen​ click here to be added to the taglist!

here it is on ao3!

“My lord, if I may introduce my associate, Lord Maul.”

You glanced at the man standing next to the emperor. A zabrak, with bright red skin and black interlacing tattoos. You’d heard about his kind; Nightbrothers, they called themselves. Fearsome, tattooed warriors from Dathomir, loyal now to the emperor through Lord Maul. He sensed you staring at him as his eyes settled on you. Your eyes widened and you quickly looked away, your face heating with embarrassment.

Your father nodded beside you to the enigmatic man. “A pleasure to meet you.”

The zabrak inclined his head politely back.

Your father turned to you. “We have much to discuss privately, my dear. You may leave now.”

“Of course, father.” You stood and bowed to the two men on the opposite side of the table. “Emperor Palpatine, Lord Maul, I hope to meet you again soon.”

You took your leave, feeling as if there was a pair of gleaming, golden eyes following you out of the door.

---

“Lord Maul! You surprised me!”

The zabrak standing before you inclined his head, displaying his cranial horns to you. “I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

His voice was much more soothing than you expected and it caused shivers to run down your spine. He took your hand in one of his gloved ones and brought it up to his lips, pressing a kiss to your knuckles, his eyes never leaving yours. Your breath hitched and your mind blanked of any thoughts. He lowered your hand but didn’t release it, rubbing circles on the back of your hand with his thumb.

“Where were you going?” he asked, snapping you out of your trance.

“Back to my chambers,” you said, feeling out of breath for some reason. He was standing close enough to you that you could see flecks of red in his golden eyes.

“With no guards?” His brow creased in concern.

“This is a very peaceful planet, Lord Maul.” Why did standing so close to him make your heart beat so fast?

He hummed. “Perhaps. However, one cannot be so sure.” He pressed another kiss to your hand, this time on your fingers. “Would you like me to escort you?”

You tore your gaze away from his, your face heating with an undescribed emotion. “I-if you would like. I would not protest.”

He hummed again and stood back, motioning for you to walk forward. “Then lead the way.”

---

The trip to your chambers was uneventful, as always. Lord Maul made polite conversation with you along the way, an ever-stoic figure beside you. He asked you about various parts of your planet, which ones you liked the best, how the people thought of your father as their ruler, what your duties were. You were almost sad when you reached the door to your chambers, getting over your initial fear of the mysterious zabrak and quite liking his company.

“Thank you for walking me back, my lord,” you said, curtseying to him from your doorway.

He bowed slightly in return, grasping your hand to once again bring it to his lips. “Of course, it was my pleasure.” The way his lips and voice curled at that last word made another shiver go down your spine.

“Will you escort me again tomorrow?” you asked, your voice hopeful. Your hand sat comfortably still enclosed in his much larger one.

“Of course,” he promised. “Will I see you at the gala tomorrow night?���

“Of course.” The gala your father was throwing in honor of the Emperor, where he would announce his alliance with the Galactic Empire. You could not miss it.

“Good.” His voice came out in a low growl that made your stomach flutter and made you feel warm all over your body. “I will see you then, my lady.” He brought your hand up to his lips one last time and held it there for much longer than was acceptable. Those golden, gleaming eyes stared into your own, as if putting you in a trance that you eagerly fell for, getting lost in them. You thought you saw the barest hint of a smirk as he released your hand and walked away.

---

Your mind was restless ever since then, and it only got worse as the gala steadily approached. You resisted the urge to fist your hands in the material of your dress as you scanned the ballroom from your perch at the top of the grand staircase. Then, you spotted him; standing at the edge of the room, almost as if he draped himself in the shadows. His appearance hadn’t changed much, merely trading in his traveling tunic for a more intricate one. His gaze snapped to yours, as if he felt you watching him.

Making your way down the intricate staircase, you held your head high, preening under his attention. His eyes raked over you from head to toe, drawing up from the full, red skirt of your dress, the jewels sewed into it sparking under the light. His eyes drew up to your stomach and chest, pausing for a few moments at the deep neckline that ended at your sternum. Your steps faltered and your skin grew hot as his eyes lazily traveled over the skin of your chest. He grinned, running his tongue over his teeth in a lewd gesture that made you falter more.

As various dignitaries from around the galaxy greeted your father, you making polite conversation with them when they asked, you constantly scanned the floor for Maul. Music played softly in the background and you escaped from your father’s side, intent on your search. You didn’t have to go far before a voice called your name from behind you.

“My lady,” Maul said, stepping out from the shadows. He took your hand once more up to his lips, his intense gaze never leaving yours. “May I have this dance?” he asked, pulling you into position before you even answered him.

“Of course,” you replied, already breathless. You placed a hand on his shoulder, settling your left hand in his while he wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you into the dance.

He spun you effortlessly around the ballroom, never treading once on your feet. “You are quite the excellent dancer, Lord Maul,” you remarked.

“My master taught me in the fine ways,” he replied, smirking. “In case I should ever need to woo someone.”

You dropped your gaze to his chest, unable to keep his intense gaze. “I-I see. You certainly look good enough to woo someone.”

“You as well.”

You looked up at him again, face flushing with his praise and surprise. You responded automatically, but you couldn’t think of anything else to say. “Thank you.”

You danced in silence with him for several moments. The skin under his gloves was almost unnaturally hot, almost burning into your hand and waist. With each new step, he drew you closer, until it would become unacceptable, but you weren’t stopping him.

“I must confess something to you, my lady,” he murmured, his voice low and sensuous.

“I as well,” you said, taking the initiative to step closer to him this time.

He gazed at you for a moment, his eyes roaming all over your face, down your neck, and to your chest before coming back up to your eyes. “I am positively obsessed with you,” he breathed. “You have plagued my mind ever since our meeting yesterday.”

“You as well,” you sighed. “I cannot stop thinking about you, Maul.”

Maul sighed through his nose, closing his eyes for a moment, then opening them and looking off behind you. “Your father seeks an alliance with the emperor. A marriage between you and I could arrange that.”

“Oh.” Your heart dropped and you were sure your face fell, as Maul immediately reacted.

“But do not think my obsession stems from that,” he said, his tone turning desperate. “I desire you, so very ardently. I swear I would only ever treat you well, like the queen you deserve to be. Please, I must have you.”

Your head swam from his words. No one had ever professed their desire for you like that. “You…you want me?”

“I swear it, my starlight,” Maul said solemnly.

You sighed again, a smile coming to your face as giddiness rushed through your veins. “Then you shall have me, my lord.”

---

Maul announced his intentions for you to your father that night after the ball. Your father agreed immediately. A week later, you were married, becoming queen of Dathomir and all its territories in one fell swoop.

Unfortunately, Maul could not stay with you after the wedding, as his master, the emperor, sent him on a mission. He swore he would return to you as soon as possible.

Your room in his palace was lonely. The large bed in the center of the wall was too large for one person. Your guards were only ever polite to you when you needed escorting from your room to meals and other places. Your calls to your father became less frequent as the emperor required more of him. You had more maidservants than ever before. But the only things that mattered to you were your letters from Maul.

The one connection you had to him, his letters he sent to you through a secured holo. He tried to send them every day, but with the constraints of his mission, he often broke that, causing your worry to skyrocket before the next letter came in. He always began them with “My Starlight” and always ended them with “Your Night Wanderer.” He never disclosed the nature of his mission and rarely talked about his day, instead asking you about yours and writing treatises on your beauty. You often felt like a lovesick girl after reading his letters, flushing hot at his praise spilled on the page.

His letters became desperate and soon you were flushing with lust along with his praise. His words became hotter and heavier, praying that he would soon know your sweet taste and feel your soft skin under his hands. He made bolder statements, saying that you would not have to leave your bed for days once he returned. It would almost make you nervous if it didn’t make you giddy at the same time.

It happened late at night, after you’d changed into the silky nightgown Maul had given you before he left and retired for the night. You stirred awake, feeling the soft press of lips against your exposed shoulder, twisting around to face whoever had snuck into your room. In the dim light, you could make out the crown of horns and red skin interlaced with black tattoos that announced the arrival of your love, your night wanderer.

“Maul?” came your voice in the recesses of your darkened room, tinged with sleep. You reached for him as he knelt beside you on your bed, cupping his cheek.

“Hello, my starlight,” he murmured, kissing the palm of your hand before nuzzling his nose into it. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, Maul,” you murmured back, bringing his face to yours so you could share a chaste kiss like you had the day of your wedding. “Why did you not tell me you were returning?”

“I wanted to surprise you,” he said, kissing down your arm. “But truthfully, I could not stand to be away from you for any longer.” He pressed open-mouthed kisses on your neck and you gasped, your hands moving to cup the back of his head and hold him close. A fire burned between your thighs because of his lips and his words. “You plague my mind every minute of every day. I can only think about how I must have you.”

You lifted his head from your neck, one hand trailing down his cheek, his throat, to rest on his heaving chest. He nuzzled your palm, closing his eyes and kissing it. When he looked back down at you, spread out beneath him on the bed, his pupils were blown out with only a thin ring of gold in his eyes.

“You have me, my lord.”

Something snapped in Maul at that and he lunged down to seal your lips with his in a hungry kiss. His hands grasped desperately at your skin, both of you moaning at the feeling. He pulled your nightgown up so he could slip his hand under to palm your breasts. He swallowed your moan when he teased your nipples.

“You are so soft, my starlight,” he groaned. His hands left your body only for a moment so he could shuck off his tunic and trousers. The muscles of his chest and arms rippled in the dim light and the fire between your thighs burned hotter. He watched as you squirmed under him, grinning and licking his teeth in the same lewd gesture from the gala many nights ago.

“I would take my time to ravish you properly, but,” he said, hooking his fingers in the band of your underwear and pulling them off in one smooth motion, “I'm afraid neither of us will last long.” He parted your folds with one hand, groaning at the sight. “You are so wet, my starlight.” Teasing your sensitive nub with his thumb, he inserted a finger into you, sinking to his knuckle.

You moaned and writhed under him, tossing your head against the pillows as he slowly pumped his finger in and out of you. You gripped his arm, feeling the corded muscle under his skin, gripping harder when he added a second finger, stretching you open for him. Praises that you had read from his letters now spilled from his lips.

“So good, my starlight, just like that,” he crooned, curling his fingers, searching for the spot that made you scream. When he found it, he grinned as you let out a high keening cry. He pulled his fingers out of you and you whimpered at the loss, but soon moaned again when you felt the tip of his cock brush your entrance.

He kissed up your stomach, your throat, and to your lips, lining himself up to you. “You are breathtaking, my starlight,” he breathed against your lips. Then he entered you in one swift thrust.

Your mouth gaped open, but you weren’t sure if any sound came out. You finally released the breath you didn’t realize you were holding, gasping for air as Maul slowly thrust in and out of you. The ridges of his cock felt divine, hitting every spot that made you scream. Maul groaned into your neck, flipping your legs over his hip to hit at a deeper angle and for better purchase at your thighs. You gripped tightly to his shoulders, nails leaving indentations in his skin.

“Maul—Maul!” Your voice grew higher and louder, trying to signal to him that you were near your release.

“I know, my darling,” Maul gasped, propping himself up with one arm so he could look down at you. “Cum for me, my darling, please.”

At his insistence, you tumbled over the edge. Your vision went white and you arched your hips, trying to stay flush as you contracted around his cock. His name became a mantra as it fell from your lips and the only thing your mind could think about, the pleasure he was giving you. Your name fell from his as his hips stuttered and he lost himself to your tight warmth.

Once the wave subsided, you lay panting, tangled in the bedsheets. Maul pulled out of your fluttering hole, groaning at the sight, how wrecked he made you. He got up from the bed, padding over to the refresher, and returning with a wet rag. You mewled when he cleaned you up, cleaning the mess of his and your cum off of your thighs. The rag made a wet plap as he threw it, landing on the floor close to the refresher. He settled down beside you again, peppering kisses all over your face.

“Did you enjoy, my starlight?” he asked, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into his warmth.

You sighed and settled your head on his shoulder, nodding, too tired to speak.

Maul chuckled, the sound reverberating low in your ears. “Sleep, darling. I will make true of my promises soon.”

[smarchit]

Look Around, Look Around pt 6

Summary: You escaped an abusive marriage, pregnant with your husband’s child. He sends a bounty hunter after you to bring you back. Everything changes. Din Djarin/pregnant!reader, no use of y/n

Word count: 2.9k

Warnings: Pregnancy/related topics, implied/referenced rape, mentions of abuse, blood, labor

Notes: Blown away by Tumblr’s response to this tbh. I’m absolutely overwhelmed by all the kind comments <3

He was supposed to take you back to Sorgan after that job. Supposed to take you back and let you spend the last few weeks of your pregnancy in comfort, let you give birth there in safety.

You managed to convince him to take you to a few more planets under the guise of wanting to see if there were any cities with salt baths that would help your swollen feet and legs. He knew you were lying through your teeth, but he never said anything one way or the other.

Now at a little over eight months pregnant and with your own gravitational pull, you walked through a vibrant market place of a large, exotic city during the height of their local fertility festival. You had been given baskets laden with blankets, food, and natural home remedies for easing the pain of birth.

People threw colorful powders and fragrant flowers in the streets at one another and it was extremely difficult not to get caught in their crossfire. You were certain that you were covered in vibrant color - you may have even been the target on more than one occasion because of your pregnancy. Not that you minded. You were having too much fun.

The little one was captivated by brightly colored dancers that spit fire in brilliant arcs across the path. The bells on their ankles caught his attention more and whenever one would cartwheel in front of his pod, he would make a grab for them, despite the gentle scolds from Mando.

You currently were sitting at a round patio table at an outdoor café. Lively music from a nearby band was muffled slightly by the crowd enough that you could speak without losing your voice.

"This is amazing!" you said to Mando, who looked incredibly out of place amidst bright colors and bare skin of the locals. He shifted in his seat and you knew he was scanning the crowd for potential threats. It wasn't personal, and it wasn't anything against the planet or its inhabitants, but more just who Mando was as a person.

Good gods, did the man ever relax?

Mando had ordered a cup of soup for the child, and expressed his displeasure for you turning down food.

"You need to eat something," he said firmly, straightening his back.

"I'm not hungry," you sighed. "The moon is currently displacing my vital organs."

"Your moon is exactly why you have to try to eat something," he said with a sigh. He shook his head and looked back over at the child, who was glancing between the two of you. When Mando looked at him, he smiled and babbled.

"She's moving around a lot in there today," you groaned, rubbing one side of your belly. "Take it easy, little moon. We're not going anywhere."

"Must be getting cramped in there," Mando hummed without looking back at you. He did another once over of the crowd and then sighed.

"What's wrong?" you asked.

He shrugged. "Just too crowded."

"Not a people-person, Mando?" you hummed. 

"You wouldn't be either if you were me."

You supposed that was true. Even a few months ago you wouldn't have come to a place like this where bodies touched and jostled on either side of you. You got comfortable, but you imagined if you were in his boots, you would hate places like this. Too much chaos. Too many things that could go wrong.

"We should go," he said after a moment. He grabbed a basket and helped you to your feet before guiding you through a dip in the crowd.

It took a while to reach the hangar where the Crest was located due to the throng of bodies in your way.

Once you arrived back, Mando handed you a towel to wipe powder from your hair and clothes.

"The puck got activated," he said grimly as he locked the hatch.

You were shaking flower petals from your hair and the smile instantly dropped from your face.

"What?"

Mando turned to you. "I knew it was too easy. He let you go too easily for that to be the end of it."

You walked backwards until you found a seat and lowered yourself into it. Your heart pounded in your ears and you barely registered his words.

Your husband knows exactly where you are.

He knew what you were doing, where you were going, he might even know where you planned on giving birth. Would he attack then? When you were raw and vulnerable, bed soaked in your blood and eyes wild with instinct?

Like a caged animal. Though injured animals will do anything to protect themselves.

"Hey, hey, don't give out on me," Mando said loud enough to draw you from your fear. He grabbed your shoulders and shook you gently so you would look at him. "You're safe with me, okay? I'm not going to let him take you." 

"Why is he-- Why is he doing this?" you whispered as you felt tears start to fall. You could barely speak. The thought of him finding you touching you, putting his hands on you... On your baby. It made you sick. It made you scared. It made you angry.

"Because he's a coward," Mando said softly, guiding your face back to look at him when you glanced away. "He's small; he has to hurt others to feel better. You are safe. You and your moon." He placed a warm hand on your belly. The baby flip flopped in response.

"Please don't let him get me," you begged. "Promise me. Not me. Not my baby."

Mando looked at you and nodded. "I promise." He leaned up on his knees and pressed his forehead to yours. He held the position for a moment before he got to his feet.

"We're leaving this planet right now," he said. He picked up the baby and set him back in his pod and turned to set coordinates.

"Where will we go?" you asked, suddenly feeling like the smallest person in the galaxy. "Where will we go that he can't find us?"

"I have a few places in mind," he said as the ship dragged itself out of the planet's atmosphere. "Safe places."

"Sorgan?" you asked hopefully.

He paused for a minute. "Sorgan isn't safe. If he knows you were there he'll have people there waiting."

You held on tight as he punched in the coordinates for some unknown planet in on the pad. 

What would you do if it came down to capture and return?

You couldn't help but cry. You looked down at your stomach and cupped both hands around it.

"I'm so sorry, little one," you whispered.

***

A few hours later, Mando dropped the ship out of hyperspace. A planet lay before you, dark and unfriendly looking in the blackness of space. There were a few lights from cities spread out in the far reaches of the large sprawling continent, but beyond that, you could see nothing.

"What is this place?" you asked.

"Arvala-7," he replied. "I had a... Friend who lived here. Worked on a moisture farm. Helped me with the kid."

"He doesn't live here anymore?" you asked, forcing yourself out of your seat with difficulty. You ignored the pain in your belly and back - normal for this late in your pregnancy. False labor couldn't detract from your fears right now.

"He died," Mando said softly.

"I'm sorry."

He didn't reply and started the deceleration to land in a remote section of desert.

"You should be safe here," he said as he lowered the hatch for the two of you to step out.

"Should be?"

He nodded. "Should be."

"How could he find me?" you asked softly as Mando set about shouldering open the long-locked front door.

"Tracking pucks," he grunted, throwing his whole body against the door. He let out a rather undignified cry as he fell inside when the lock finally gave way and the door banged open. When he stood he fished one out of his pocket and held it out in his palm to you. It flashed a rapid red as it neared you. "That's how."

"Why now?" you asked. Rage welled up in your heart at the thought of this vile man getting a hold of you again.

"Probably just wants to scare you," he said as he set about tidying the little house up. "Knows that baby is coming soon. Just wants to stress you out more."

As if on cue, a particularly rough false contraction hit and you vaulted forward to grip the edge of the table. You arched your back, hoping to alleviate some of the pressure.

"Oh, kriff," you gasped, gritting your teeth. You squeezed your eyes shut and took a few deep breaths in and out. "Maker, I don't want to know how bad the real thing is gonna be."

"You won't be alone," Mando said softly as he placed a hand on your back.

"Yeah, well," you gasped, "No offense, but have you ever delivered a baby?"

Mando was quiet. 

"Yeah, didn't think so."

"You'll be fine," he assured. "Sit. I'm gonna go look around, see what we can salvage and use."

You sighed and nodded. "If you need help, let me know. Sometimes walking helps with the pain."

He looked around at the state of the main living room. "Okay. Here, I'm gonna fix the bed. You go and get the blankets from the ship. Take a few trips if they're heavy."

You took the key from him and started back towards the ship, a hand grasping your belly. It's okay, my moon.

As you boarded the ship and headed towards the bedroom, you heard what sounded like voices from the cockpit. Taunting voices drifted down the ladder and through the corridor to you, though you couldn't make out what was being said. As your heart hammered away in your chest, you tiptoed to the ladder to ascend to the cockpit. 

It became obvious to you as soon as you breached the top of the ladder that the voices were on a recording, an old transmission that must've automatically started playing when the ship picked up a bio feedback on board.

"...don't worry, Mando. We just want the little whore you been travelling with. Not that ugly kid," a low voice growled up at you from the holopad. A thin blue image of a burly, bald man was staring up at you and illuminating the otherwise dark cockpit. "Ain't got nothin' to worry about with us. In and out, like always. She got a good price out on her, and with that baby intact, there's a double offer on 'em. So we call it even, got it? Besides, Xi'an misses you."

Your heart was pounding in your throat as you sank into the pilot's chair. Mando was right. People were looking for you.

A chilling thought entered your mind and no matter how much you tried, you couldn't shake it.

Did Mando turn you in?

You broke out in a cold sweat as you glanced around the cockpit for something that could be used as a weapon. If he knew that you saw this message...

Maybe he didn't have to know you saw it. After all, he just sent you in here to get the bedding. He wouldn't know... You hit delete, hoping maybe he wouldn't find out about it.

You quickly descended the ladder and retrieved some of the bedding and carried it down the ramp of the ship.

Mando was tending to the moisture tanks a little way away from the house and you eyed him warily. It was the first time in six months you had not trusted him. 

Why would he wait until now? Were he and his friends waiting to literally snatch the baby from between your legs and drag you by your hair, kicking and screaming to your ex-husband, a bloody trail dragging behind you?

Mando wouldn't do that. You knew he wouldn't. So why now were you so afraid? Was it just the mounting anxiety of new motherhood catching up to you?

You busied yourself as best you could while you waited for him to come back to the house, both by trying to clean up all the dust that gathered and by watching the baby.

He had been uneasy the last few days, especially around you. He would babble softly and reach for you to pick him up, which you had been having trouble doing due to the fact that you could barely bend over. 

One time he cried so hard and so loud that Mando ended up taking him for a walk off the ship until he fell asleep so your breasts would stop leaking and soaking through your shirt.

The lights came on automatically a few hours later and were droning steadily for half an hour by the time Mando came back inside

"So bad news," he said with a tired sigh as he dropped into a chair at the rickety kitchen table. "Moisture tanks are busted to hell. Looks like Jawas scavved the machinery. I tried to salvage what I could but no luck."

"What are we going to do?" you asked softly.

Mando shrugged. "Gonna have to go find somewhere. We're gonna need a lot of it, especially when that baby decides to make an appearance."

"Should I come with y--"

"No. You're gonna stay here," he said firmly. "I'll leave my gun and a knife for you."

"You're going to leave?" you asked, heart racing.

"I'll only be gone a couple of hours," he said, getting to his feet. He unholstered his blaster and took a knife from his sheath. "Safety is off on that. Use it like I taught you if something happens, okay?"

He handed them both to you and picked up the baby. "I'll leave the ship. If anyone comes, you go inside and you lock that door. Nothing on this planet will get inside. I'll be back by morning."

Mando came over to you and cupped his hand around the back of your head and pulled you close to press his forehead against yours. Second time he's done that...

He seemed hesitant to pull away from you. He placed the baby in his pod and looked back at you, his shoulders tense and squared.

"You'll be safe here. I promise," he said as he opened the door. "I'm gonna take the kid with me. You need to take it easy and he'll just be upset the whole time."

You looked at him, eyes wide with fear as you watched him leave.

For a moment, you debated telling him about the message on his ship. But you knew then he wouldn't leave - and you needed water. Washing, cleaning, sanitation, drinking. A lot of water was necessary, especially if you were going to be here for a while.

He shut the door behind him and you waited a few minutes before you got up and shoved a broom through the door handle, effectively locking it from the inside. If you needed to escape out the back door, it would buy you a moment of time.

He knows where I am. He knows I'm with the Mandalorian... He knows that I am alone.

You had to do something to keep your mind busy and off of the thought of being taken back to evil himself. It wasn't easy, and you desperately wished that he left the baby. He was right though. You needed to rest and sleep as much as you possibly could.

You also wished that you brought something to do to distract you from the excruciating pain that was now tearing itself through your lower body. As quickly as you could, you ran to the section of the abandoned homestead that had once been used to repair the moisture tanks, both now stripped bare of essentials. A passing knowledge of some of how some of this stuff works comes in handy every now and then. You had a timer fastened together in no time, set to beep once a minute. It would keep you alert, at least.

As you made your way back to the main part of the house, the pain subsided. You allowed yourself to eat part of the food that Mando had brought in, hoping that would quell the gnawing feeling in your stomach.

The baby turned and shifted as the night went on, even as you bedded down to for the evening. 

Sleep didn't come easy that night for you and as you lay awake in the darkness of Arvala-7. All you could do was hope that you wouldn't be alone when the baby came.

***

Mando wasn't back the next morning. He wasn't there to help you out of bed, or to call you me'suum. The Crest was still there though, which brought a little comfort to you that he hadn't simply abandoned you on this desert planet to die of thirst.

He didn't come back by lunchtime.

Or dinner.

Or long after the lights came on.

You found a small leather skin under the bed that had about a day's worth of water in it. It was warm and had a bit of a sandy grit to it, but you drank deeply from it all the same.

That night, in the early hours of the morning, your waters broke.

And you were utterly alone.

***

TAGLIST (let me know if you want to be added!):

@miscellaneous-mando @lestrange2703 @someplace-darker @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @poeticparker @blackbird337 @the-last-twin-of-krypton @divineangelix @c1996 @mell-bell @qhbr2013 @bookszazzy @marvelbros-oneshots @cuteboyking @boomtownboy @connor-challoner @fandom-lover-4 @itsmysticalmystery @love-struck-aries

[morwensteelsheen]

I struggle with figuring out what the expectations are for aristocratic marriage in Gondor and Rohan. One thing I’ve toyed about with in my head is treating LOTR as not just unreliably narrated, but as super unreliably narrated, and taking ‘the Steward and the King’ not as gospel, but essentially as a bit of PR/marketing. Because wow, isn’t it really, really convenient that the Steward of Gondor/second most powerful man in the realm gets married to the most powerful woman of the Riddermark, Gondor’s closest ally? Isn’t that a little too convenient? What if Frodo just copies down the press release given to him by Faramir and instead of being this stunning high romance, he and Éowyn are basically just a run-of-the-mill political marriage?

(Obviously I don’t believe this fully, but it is an interesting thought.)

Here’s where it becomes harder to justify though, and here’s why I’m really confused about how marriage works for both Gondor and Rohan’s nobility. 

If political marriage were a thing in either of them, it stands to reason that it’s quite strange that neither Boromir nor Théodred are married with kids. The appendices say that Denethor ‘married late’ for having married Finduilas when he was forty-six, but when Boromir dies he’s forty-one. So he’s not far off at all. Théodred is the same age as Boromir, and we know that Théoden was married to Elfhild at least by the time that he was thirty, though he probably married her before that. So Théodred’s really late. 

So not only do neither of the heirs have kids, they’re not even married. Even if they didn’t have kids, you would think that, if political marriages were the norm, they’d be shipped off post-haste, right? Dol Amroth was secured in its loyalty to MT through Denethor marrying Finduilas (and obviously the whole happy go luck proto-nationalism shit that’s going on), and it seems like the rest of the major provinces are mostly in line, so why not use a marriage to secure the alliance with the Mark? I would have Boromir married off to Éowyn ASAP since there are no women to marry off to Théodred. But the fact that that doesn’t happen is interesting, I think. And also really complicates my HC that Éomer/Lothíriel is mostly a political thing, tbh. 

It’s all even more interesting in light of Faramir’s line in TTT where he’s explaining why the Kings of Gondor fell apart:

Childless lords sat in aged halls musing on heraldry...

Because, like, buddy, you are a childless lord sitting in an aged hall. And not only that, but since his brother was unmarried and childless before his death, he was probably always going to become the Steward at some point anyways, even if only briefly. So it’s not like he gets to claim amnesty via spare-status, because until the moment Boromir had kids (which he never did), he was constantly in secondary heir mode. So??? why wasn’t Faramir married off either? My dude was THIRTY-SIX during the war. He could’ve had fuckin hunners of kids by that point, but you’re telling me everyone was just gucci with him maintaining bachelor status?

Also, Faramir pointing it out does have the effect of politicising marriage somewhat. We know that Faramir’s somewhat out of step politically with the rest of Gondor, at least that in he appears to be very, very obsessed with bringing back the Númenor stuff and criticising Gondor over the last five hundred or so years. So if he’s diagnosed this childless lords problem as a problem that led to Gondor’s decay, he’s probably doing it because others don’t really see it that way. ‘Others’ here could be either Boromir (see the bottom of this post) or it could be Gondorians generally, we can’t know. Either way, Lord Faramir, thirty-six years old and unmarried, seems to think that lords not ensuring there were heirs to their houses was a problem. That contradiction/incidental hypocrisy is noteworthy!

I’ve typically taken this in my fics as an indication that the war was quite an intense and cataclysmic thing even before the official War of the Ring starts, and that all of these guys are way, way too busy dealing with that to consider marrying, but that opens up the question — when did things get so dire that securing the future of the ruling houses got deprioritised? Sauron openly declared himself in TA2951, but twenty-six-ish years later both Denethor and Théoden get married, so marriage is still at play in ~TA2976. Not a huge amount happens between 2976 and 3018 in explicit canon. We know that Elrond recalls Arwen from Lórien in 3009 because everything east of the Misty Mountains is becoming dangerous. By this time Boromir and Théodred are 31 and Faramir is 26, which made me wonder if it would be reasonable to have expected any of them to be married at that point. I did some quick math to see how old the title-holders were when they were married, stopping at the fifth generation back to accommodate Thorondir, who was the first Steward to not crack a century of life. Here’s what I’ve got:

(Where an actual wedding year wasn’t given, I based it on the year their eldest child was born.)

(Worth noting that Denethor’s not that much older than Ecthelion likely was when he married, so the ‘married old’ remark could instead be a reference to when Gondorians got married generally, not specifically to the Númenórean lot.)

There’s a chance all these guys got married way, way earlier and just spent ages childless, but… I sort of doubt that. Also I’m doing this based on what I can access from my laptop, so both HoME and PoME might contradict me or give more specific dates. If that’s the case — sorry! 

It is interesting that if we accept HoME’s dating of Faramir and Éowyn’s wedding as TA3020 as canon, then Faramir (married at 37) is actually younger than the average for the previous five generations of Stewards. So is Éomer, because by marrying Lothíriel in 3021 he’s actually just getting in early by a a year or so. 

Regardless, it makes statistical sense that neither Boromir nor Faramir are married by 3009, though Théodred is sort of pushing it. Certainly by 3018 when he dies he’s really taking the piss, but Boromir is still sort of in the clear (but getting up there), and Faramir’s kind of fine. 

We know, at least, that there’s a canonical acknowledgement of Boromir’s bachelor status, per Appendix A:

Rather he was a man after the sort of King Eärnur of old, taking no wife and delighting chiefly in arms.

No accounting for Théodred, though based on Faramir’s bitching about Rohan and Gondor becoming more alike, you could probably chalk it up to the same thing as Boromir. I note, however, that Théodred’s need is slightly more urgent because in absence of an heir from Théodred, the throne would then pass to Éomer. I think we might reasonably assume that he wouldn’t have a problem with this (Théoden might have, given how effective Wormtongue’s manoeuvring was), but we can’t know for certain.

Worth pointing out as well that Elphir’s son Alphros is born in 3017, so it’s not like nobody is getting it on. 

I was interested in what the numbers for the ladies would look like, and obviously this is complicated by the fact that there’s like twenty named human women and even fewer with birth dates/marriage dates, but here’s what the table looks like:

(Because so many of the women we know of are women who crossed between Rohan and Gondor, I put them in columns based on their birth culture, not where they married into.)

Also here’s some fuel for the age gap discourse:

(Can you tell I’m procrastinating my dissertation???)

Anyways, outside of some apparent liberalism towards the ol’ begetting of heirs, there’s not a huge amount of information floating around to help us understand how or if marriage was understood politically in Rohan and Gondor. You get bits and pieces (Aragorn’s ‘no niggard are you, Éomer’ comment at Éowyn and Faramir’s trothplighting, for example, Wormtongue being after Éowyn, for another), but nothing extended or particularly explicit. 

Just one of those things, really… 

[gayregis]

What’s religion like in the novels?

pretty diverse. just to immediately clarify a point, christianity doesn’t exist in the world of the witcher (except through literary influence on sapkowski and how he references christian motifs) so jot that down... idk why i’m pressed about this, but i keep thinking of the witcher fanart i’ve seen where objects have christian designs on them. like, ive seen fanart of regis standing in a cemetery where all of the graves had crosses on them... it’s like... why would they have crosses on them... if no one knows what christianity is? when ciri worldhops to earth during the middle ages, she sees white crosses on buildings and she finds them strange and out of place.

i’m not really a witcher theologist, but from what i can recall off the top of my head, there’s a variety of deities worshipped by the humans of the continent. some cults are really old, while some are new. geralt in baptism of fire mentions that the pantheon seems to be “ever expanding” in the times of war. geralt doesn’t recognize the emblem that the priest who is torturing a girl shows them, due to this expanding pantheon. 

so it’s safe to say that there are many new deities constantly being made and worshipped, and likely these new deities’ cults being abandoned just as quickly as they were made. there are also i’d say quite a few atheists and humans who don’t believe in the gods.

some specific human deities we know about:

the cult of melitele is one of the oldest and most widespread cults, this longevity and popularity is thought to be connected to how she is a fertility goddess of the harvest and childbirth. dandelion attributes this to how women need a lot of faith to go through with giving birth, and since birth and death is an unending cycle, melitele and fertility goddesses will forever remain popular

another religion also mentioned in the saga is the church of coram agh tera, the lionheaded spider, which is only relevant because a priestess of that church cursed nivellen into becoming a beast

dana meadbh is the focus of edge of the world, and the human peasantry of dol blathanna and the elves of the blue mountains recognize her authority. idk how much this extends into worship though

pretty sure that zerrikanians worship dragons and that’s why tea and vea are so steadfast to villentretenmerth

of course, you have the worship of the eternal flame, which controls the cosmopolis of novigrad with its 30,000 inhabitants

the prophet lebioda is mentioned a couple times while the hansa winters in toussaint iirc

the nilfgaardians swear by the great sun (as an expression... like how one might say “oh my god,” they say, “by the great sun!”) but it’s unclear as to how religious this can be considered 

but this is all about humans... what about the other sentient species of the witcher?

in the passage about melitele, we also learn that “practically every pre-human race and every primordial nomadic tribe honoured a goddess of harvest and fertility, a guardian of farmers and guardians, a patroness of love and marriage.” (the last wish, p. 36) so, assumedly, the elves, dwarves, halflings, gnomes, and others worshipped similar deities. my personal take is that the dwarves seem more interested in metallurgy and the gnomes seem more interested in technology, and halflings apparently come from meadows, unless they’re businessmen... 

i feel bad because idk shit about the aen seidhe or aen elle off the top of my head. i know that the aen elle care a lot about ithlinne’s prophecy, and that’s kind of like a religion, right? following this prophecy around? the aen seidhe have ancient cemeteries that are large stone structures and remind me of stonehenge tbh but that’s not really here nor there

and of course because my username is gayregis... i MUST talk about the vampires... SO, it’s not entirely explicit, but i sincerely doubt that the vampires have any sort of organized religion. regis says that there exists no system of rules, restrictions, or morals among vampires, and one could argue that the purpose of religion is to enfore a system of that sort (though i’d personally disagree). he does later say that the full moon is a “holy day” for the vampires, i learned from @karanfile that this was translated from the word “oblewać,” which has a different definition/connotation to it than “holy day” does in english. quote from them: “oblewać is a fun word, because it literally means 'pour something over something else', but also means to celebrate something by drinking. also usually extensively.” so i think it’s less of an organized worship, but a ritual celebration.

ofc you also have your mages and magic-users across the world and time and space, but idk if their teachings and adherences would count as “religion”