#but the fact that it has happened and might happen again is just. argh)

[mexashepot]

Please just let this be a friendly thing and not somebody again being interested in me in a way that I am not interested in them

[personasintro]

Mutual Help | #55

↳ 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬; in order for you to pretend to be his girlfriend, he helps you with your sexual desires ⏤ he calls it mutual help

⇢ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: jungkook x reader

⇢ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: fake dating au, fluff, angst, smut, slow burn

⇢ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: explicit language

⇢ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 11.2k+

⇠ 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯. | 𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐱 | 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 ⇢ 

​​“You okay?” Namjoon asks after a few moments of silent walking, your thoughts running wild until they stop and your entire mind is just… blank. 

“Mhm.” 

Namjoon doesn’t look like he wants to pry, probably contemplating between being respectful or caring enough to talk to you some more. Your short attempt of response says the opposite of what he’s asking. 

“Okay…” he mumbles just as you reach the cabin. He holds the door for you and all you can muster in return is a weak attempt to smile in gratitude. Met with a dimpled smile, he motions his head toward bathrooms. “Go, take your time. I’ll wait here.”��

Nodding, you see him sitting on one of the couches you sat just two hours ago, waiting for Yoongi. God, you can’t even bring yourself to wonder how it’s looking at the campfire. 

Are they questioning Jungkook? Are things awkward? Well, the two of you have taken care of that. 

The throb between your legs starts to intensify as soon as you get under the warm water, cheek stinging which makes you hiss. It’s nothing serious, not even the stinging bothers you just as much as the fact that it’s a fucking reminder. 

To be honest, you’re not quite sure how to feel. Are you disappointed? Despite all that, you don’t regret having sex. It eased some of the anger and you both needed that. Even if it wasn’t the smartest decision in terms of your situation. This has just gotten even more serious without any of you wanting it. Talking seemed out of question. You weren’t ready to talk for whatever dumb reason. And then things escalated. So much that you’re in this mess deeper than at the beginning. 

It started with dumb argument over your ridiculous jealousy and escalated so much that you’ve argued with Jungkook again. And then he fucked you in the freaking woods. 

Rubbing your face harshly, you wince at the pain your uncontrollable rubbing causes to your cheek. Washing off any other remains of the sex — the washable ones at least — you get out of the shower and dry yourself. You don’t want to keep Namjoon waiting regardless of his decision and the kindness of accompanying you here. You dry your hair quickly too, shrugging off the fact that you didn’t previously want to get your hair wet. But in your empty slash frustrated state you got under the shower fast and mindlessly, hoping it would clear your mind. 

Once you step out of the bathroom and see Namjoon patiently waiting, the door opens and Taehyung walks in. His eyes find you across the room, long strides coming up to you just as Namjoon notices you and second after he does Taehyung. 

“I got it from here, Joon.” Taehyung says, clasping his hand over Namjoon’s shoulder. “Are you good walking back on your own?” 

“Mm, yeah.” he says, not sounding too sure but he decides to give you and him space. 

You watch him walk away, out of the cabin into the warm summer night as you stare, dumbfounded. “What is this about?” 

Your questioning doesn’t surprise Taehyung, his face clear off any hint of amusement or excitement you’re used to seeing on him. Instead, he remains quite serious which for obvious reasons makes you uneasy. Taehyung can be serious. You’ve witnessed it a handful of times but this time, it feels different. Maybe it’s just because of what happened. 

After all, you’re quite embarrassed how things ended up — especially when there are other people who might not have witnessed everything (thank god) but they’ve witnessed enough for you to feel embarrassed. They clearly know you and Jungkook are not on good terms, they must’ve known shortly after you arrived. But right now they know things are even more intense. Argh! It’s not like you care too much about them, but it’s embarrassing regardless. 

“I just wanna talk. Should we go outside?” 

“Tae,” you sigh. “I don’t wanna talk about that.” 

“We don’t have to talk about that specifically,” he assured you calmly. “About Jungkook, I mean. I just wanna talk.” 

He’s got something to tell you. Sighing once again, your shoulders slumped in defeat. Talking outside does sound better. It’s awfully quiet in this cabin and even though you’re sure the elder man doesn’t care about some stupid drama between two best friends and horny freaks, you do feel comfortable it’s just you and Taehyung talking.

You walk outside and end up following Taehyung to the porch. “You good?” 

“Why’s everyone asking me that?” you exclaim. 

“Damn, sorry for asking,” Taehyung mutters, “You don’t look good, that’s why.” 

“Damn, sorry.” you mutter back, a quiet snicker leaving his mouth as he motions his head for you to follow him. 

Walking down the few stairs, your feet touch the grass and Taehyung leads you around the cabin until you reach a corner. He pulls out something from his pocket, two items actually as you watch lighter being lit up. Brows raised in surprise, you watch Taehyung put a cigarette between his lips as he lights it up. He breathes out a cloud of smoke, away from you. 

“You smoke?” 

It’s no breaking news. You’ve seen once or twice Taehyung lit up a cigarette. But all of those occasions (rare occasions) were when he was wasted. 

“Just a new habit.” he explains, offering you his cigarette as you shake your head with a short nose scrunch. He smiles at that. 

Maybe you could use a cigarette. Would it ease your nerves? You’re not sure. You’re not a smoker. Would it solve your problems? Hell no. 

“I wanted to apologize.” he says after a minute, catching your surprised eyes. 

“You wanted to… apologize?” 

He nods. “Yeah. I shouldn’t have sent you on that walk.” 

Damn he shouldn’t have. You wouldn’t have fucked Jungkook in the woods if he didn’t. But unfortunately, that’s not Taehyung’s fault. 

“I thought you and Kook just needed to talk. I thought you would talk and you would come back fine.” 

Your features soften, staring into the night. 

“I fucked up, Tae.” you say quietly. 

“How?” he questions, puffing out another smoke.

“I just did.” 

He doesn’t push you for further explanation, even though the typical Taehyung probably itches to know more. But deep down you know he’s respectful and can differentiate between serious and too serious. 

“And you meant well.” 

“Huh?” 

You chuckle. “You meant well by sending us to talk. You were right. We were ruining everyone’s time here. We still are.” 

“That’s not what I said though…” 

“Come on,” You give him a pointed look. “Everyone’s already thinking it.” 

“Y/N,” Taehyung sighs, “You’re not ruining anyone’s time here. You and Kook just have your own shit going on. And you seemed to not solve it in any way. You two just need to talk, but now I understand it needs to be at your own pace.”

“We should talk. I just—I can’t explain it. I was just so mad and annoyed that I couldn’t. We are too annoyed at each other to have a decent conversation. I’m scared to talk because I’m scared it’s gonna end up even in a bigger argument.” 

You toss your stuff onto the grass and lean against the wall beside Taehyung. 

“Does that make sense?” 

“I don’t know. I never had to deal with shit like this.” he confesses, grins cracking on your lips for a short moment. 

You wish you could just tell Taehyung everything. To get it off your chest, to explain why you behaved the way you did. What started the argument and overall, just explain the things from your perspective. But then… Do you want to talk about it? You’re genuinely tired. You’re that kind of person who needs to get stuff off your chest as soon as possible. But it doesn’t seem right at the moment. 

“I’m fucking confused,” he mutters suddenly. “I’m confused how all of this even started. Do you not like Ester or something?” 

Here’s Taehyung’s straightforwardness. 

You understand why he’s asking that. 

“No, I do. She’s a nice girl.” 

Taehyung hums, obviously having something on top of his tongue but he keeps his mouth shut. 

“I was just being dumb. I overreacted.” you explain briefly. Which to be honest, gives Taehyung zero explanation whatsoever. 

“I mean… she’s too quiet and shy in my opinion,” You give him a look again with a raised brow. “But,” he continues. “She seems like a nice girl, like you said.” 

“… yeah.” 

“Look, I won’t pry any further. You clearly don’t wanna tell me which is fine. I’m kinda hurt by that but it’s fine,” He tries to joke as you crack a saddened smile. “But I’m here if you wanna talk. Or share whatever is troubling that mind of yours.” 

“Thanks, Tae.” you almost whisper, bottom lip slightly pouting. 

Taehyung notices just as he finishes his cigarette. He tosses it onto the ground, puts it out by stepping on it with his slide. “Come here.” 

And he pulls you to him before you can protest. Cheek pressed against his chest, you hug him back as his warmth and scent envelopes you as well. 

“I’m gonna cry if we hug.” 

“Don’t cry, you’re gonna ruin my shirt.” Taehyung complains, causing you to giggle through your pain. 

“You’re such a menace. And you smell of cigarettes and beer.” you complain into his shirt. That’s not entirely true, he doesn’t smell bad at all. Those smells are mixed with his musky cologne. Taehyung smells fucking amazing. 

“Hey, you little shit. Leave me alone.” he laughs, tightening his hold on you before he slowly lets go. 

As you get back, you make your way to Yoongi's car where you put your things back. Ignoring some of the stares you feel on your back, you get inside the caravan for whatever reason. You need some time alone for a little longer.

You stand there, leaning against the small counter with your arms crossed over a chest, staring into nothing as the door open and click shut shortly after. Who's here again? No time for annoyance of your interruption, your entire posture straightens up and arms uncross at the sight of Jungkook. 

His features are firm for a second as the air inside the caravan suddenly feels too suffocating. 

"What are you doing here?" 

Jungkook doesn't miss the cold words, barely reacts as he lifts something in his hand into the air. "Namjoon was about to bring you this, but I snatched it out of his hands." he confesses, ignoring the way your heart falters at his honesty and at the sight of ointment in his own hand. 

"Why?" you ask simply and dumbly. 

He remains silent, closing the space between you as he comes to stand up in front of you. Without any words, he opens the package and scoots a small amount onto his two fingers. "Namjoon's always prepared," he mutters. You're guessing he's trying to fill up the silence and tension.

You watch him putting the ointment on the counter, arm almost brushing your side as you press your lips tightly. That's until he hesitates for a second, eyes searching your face before he gently turns your face to the side, undoubtedly to check on the scratch. It's no disaster, could've been worse. It stings but it's nothing you couldn't have survived.

"I can do it myself." you point out the obvious, voice cold and emotionless.

"Why are you so stubborn, hm?"

Wish you could give him an answer. One that would make sense. 

Jungkook continues to ignore the glare you give him as soon as his fingers inch toward your face. His eyes stay solely on your cheek. "This might hurt a little. I'll try to be gentle." 

Before you can protest, be the stubborn self that you are, he gently stars applying the product on your scratch. You frown and hiss at the same time, automatically flinching as Jungkook mutters a smooth apology but continues the task. Once he's done, he goes to wipe off his fingers from the ointment while your inner cheek is caged between your teeth. You bite harshly on the flesh, feeling like you're about to vomit any second from the emotions.

"Listen," he starts, but you panic and brush past him just for him to catch your forearm. 

"I gotta go." you stupidly inform him, blinking at him as if you had somewhere to be which is ridiculous – you both know that. 

"This went too far," Jungkook continues regardless of your stupid attempt to leave. "I'm ready to talk if you are."

All you offer him is a nod, too busy getting out of the caravan to hear the sigh leaving his mouth. You get to your previous spot, damp hair framing your face as you reach for a bottle of beer. By the time you came back, they had to open a new package considering you've been drinking out of cans before. 

There's a conversation going on, but you're not that stupid not to notice how Seokjin's voice falters for a moment as they notice you joining them. Looking up after the few gulps, you visibly shrug at them. 

"I'm okay, it's just a scratch. I'm sorry about the drama." you mutter the last sentence, knowing each of them has heard you. 

Across the fire, Taehyung's features twist in silent compassion. 

"It's okay," Seokjin assures you as the rest of them nod and hum in agreement. Jungkook comes out of the caravan, fingers running through his hair making them slightly messy as he plops onto his own spot next to Ester. "We all fight and argue. Don't feel bad. Both of you." 

You and Jungkook nod in return, mirroring each other's actions without any words. 

It's crazy how one stupid argument can change things between people. So much that it not only affects your entire day, but your sleep as well. After yesterday's night ended with everyone too tired to continue to talk and drink. You all have had enough. There's no need to get drunk to get wasted on your first night here. Even though a few reasons could've been found, you know better than that. You were tipsy enough to stumble to your tent along with Yoongi, showing him your middle finger as he kept complaining about having to share a sleeping space with you.

You told him to fuck off and he laughed, falling asleep shortly after. You've kept tossing around, waiting for him to wake up and cuss you out for it but he hasn't. He slept deeply, turned to you with his back as soft snores left his mouth here and there. Luckily not loud enough to disturb your lack of sleep.

When after hours of silence and darkness, your eyes shut on their own and so did your mind. The dreams are more disturbing than ever, not allowing you to have at least a peaceful sleep. You kept having mixed dreams of you and Jungkook arguing along with flashbacks of what happened on that stupid dare. Something random got mixed up there too, overall just weird dreams following you until the morning. 

Namjoon's hike is planned for today. It shouldn't take a whole day, two to three hours max but you still refrain yourself from going.

You're not necessarily avoiding Jungkook, but you're not looking to be in his presence either. Not that you don't want to be. But considering there's still lingering tension between you, you don't want to make things even more out of hand or weird. This is not something worth ruining your friendship with him. And you plan to talk to him. Finding the right time is the tougher part though.

You need to grow a pair of balls to do the next step. It's the least you could do. Jungkook came to you yesterday, told you he's ready to talk. And by doing that, he made the first step of approaching you.

Judging how empty he looks like the next morning tells you enough that it has taken a toll on him as well. None of you want this. But you two are also the only ones who can solve everything. Whenever there were previous arguments happening, you've always managed to talk about it in the end. This time it takes longer because you're both stubborn – and got hurt in the process. At the same time, you remind yourself of realizing every moment how stupid all of this is. Seriously, it's ridiculous. 

"Hey, are you joining us?" Maya asks you, tying her shoelaces before she stands up and faces you. 

"No, I think I should stay here. Think things through." you confess, trying to mirror the smile she gives you. 

She's not blind. She saw that you and Jungkook haven't obviously talked. You appreciate she doesn't ask for any details, which is kind of surprising considering her constant nosiness, but you guess she can tell you don't want to talk about it. 

"You know..." she starts hesitantly, "Jealousy is disease," she starts and laughs lightly, but her voice remains soft indicating she means no harm. "But it's also a human emotion. Don't beat yourself over it. We've talked about this and the only solution is--"

"To talk to him." you finish for her. She nods. "I will. He came up to me yesterday, I'm sure you noticed."

She raises her brow and gives you a guilty smile which gives you an answer.

"He said he's ready to talk."

"And you're not?"

Opening your mouth, you're interrupted by oblivious Hoseok who informs Maya that it's time to go. You usher her to go. "We'll talk later."

She nods, giving you a smile in encouragement as she hops off to Namjoon who smiles down at her, wrapping his arm around her frame as he brings her closer.

Since most of them are going on a hike, people who decided not to go will logically prepare the lunch. You've got no problem with that. You gather all the prepared stuff, walking past Taehyung and Jimin's tent that remains shut. Taehyung is sleeping off the hangover.

You and Yoongi meet at the extinguished fireplace, his morning and puffy face a new sight to you. He gives you a glare when he sees your amused face, scratching the back of his head. Who would've pegged him for a sleepyhead? You're surprised he still decided to wake up and help, considering Taehyung flipped off whoever tried to wake him up.

"How's your cheek?" he asks, surprising you by the question and you don't hide it. He visibly shifts uncomfortably on his spot as your lips curl to a half-smirk. 

"Are you concerned about me, Min Yoongi?" 

"Fuck, no." he disagrees immediately, erupting a laugh from you. "You just look like you've been through hell."

Mental hell, you want to correct him.

"Of course I do. Your snores could wake up a dead person." you tease, laughing at the prominent frown on his face. 

"I don't snore loudly, you liar." he says, determined of his truth.

You shrug, "It was worth a try," He rolls your eyes. You still decide to give him an answer, finding it oddly touching that he asked. "It's fine. Hurts a little but it's nothing bad. I will live."

"What a shame." 

He cackles when you throw a plastic bottle at him. He dodges it with a smirk. 

"Must've been a hard fall to scratch your face," he hums, catching your eyes immediately as your glare warns him. "Didn't know you were that clumsy."

He's testing you. There's no way he knows what happened in those woods. He can only assume. Yet, he's here testing and teasing you. You muster the best neutral expression you can, stopping in your tracks. 

"We were there in complete darkness. It's completely normal to stumble or fall."

Yoongi hums in return, luckily not pressing you with his annoying teasing or whatever that was any further. After a minute of taking stuff in and out of the caravan to prepare food for lunch, you stare at Yoongi. His brows are furrowed, though he looks nothing but focused as you call out his name. 

"I'm sorry."

"Pardon?" he blinks. 

"That you had to experience yesterday... I didn't know my argument with Jungkook would get out of hand."

He stares, dumbfounded. "Why are you apologizing to me ?"

"Because I'm embarrassed by it. I really wanted you to have a good time here."

Yoongi sighs, scratching his temple awkwardly before he tosses the pack of meat onto the table. "I am having... a good time here. I would rather be home and chill on my couch," You raise your brow. "But you don't have to apologize to me because of that. That's between you and him."

Nibbling on your bottom lip, you nod without looking at him as your thoughts come haunt you again. 

"And everyone's been pretty chill about it, as far as I know. I don't know your friends that much, but they seem to be chill."

"But it's still awkward and embarrassing." you confess weakly, rubbing your forehead with a little whine.

"Do you want my advice?"

"No."

Yoongi presses his lips tightly at the quick response, but still continues regardless. "Just talk to each other. I'm pretty sure you will figure it out. That man is ready to fight for you."

"What?"

"Oh, come on." he rolls his eyes. "He's so protective over you. Since the day I met him."

You know that. Jungkook has been your number one protector for the longest time. No one cares about you the way Jungkook does. Sure, Jimin and Taehyung are the best friends you could've asked for. But Jungkook? He has always had a soft spot for you. He's been the number one person you would go to with any problem. He would never judge you.

One bad look from another person and he would be there, ready to fight your own battles. He is like that with any of his friends. That's what makes him special. That's why everyone loves to have him as their friend. Jungkook is precious. 

But even precious people can piss you off, among other things. It's normal and just because you had some kind of dumb argument doesn't change that fact. Just as it shouldn't define your friendship. 

All emotions come crashing down on you. The regret and guilt, even the stupid anger you tried to justify several times. And for what? Because of your stupid jealousy? Your bottom lip wobbles and Yoongi's eyes widen, probably panicking that you could start crying any time. 

"Don't cry or I'm gonna throw up." 

You snicker, laughing through the pain as your lips naturally pout. Yoongi groans.

"You two are idiots. Besides, since when do you care about anyone else's opinion? Huh? I thought you don't give a fuck."

"I don't know, Yoongi... it seems like I care more than I show." you mockingly point out, hating that you just admitted that out loud. But well – he must've noticed that. 

"What do you want me to do? I'm starting to feel uncomfortable." he confesses with a frown on his lips. 

"Damn. A decent person would offer the other person a hug." you remark, ignoring Yoongi's dramatic lapping for a breath. 

"You want me to hug you?" 

You roll your eyes. "Want is a strong word, dude. But hugs can be nice and help. You act like you haven't done more than that."

Yoongi scrunches his nose. "We," he stops, "We don't talk about that night."

"I know what you're trying to say. It was a mistake." you tell him bluntly.

"It was... it was just a dumb decision at that time."

"That's what you would describe a mistake as." you state dumbfounded. 

"Whatever," he mutters. "Don't bring that up ever again."

"You're the one who's acting like a hug would kill you!" you exclaim with a laugh, hearing him scoff. 

"Oh my god. You're so annoying. Come here." he stomps toward you and before you even catch his words, he pulls you closer to him.

Min Yoongi is hugging you. Freaking Min Yoongi has his arm around your shoulders, patting them awkwardly as you bite back a laugh.

"Is it helping?" he mutters, continuing to pat your shoulder at the same pace as you snicker. 

"I feel weird." you inform him and he hums in confirmation. 

You hear nearby footsteps just as you both pull away from the hug, glancing in the direction of the sound. Jungkook stands a few feet from you two, awkwardly glancing around as he mutters; "Don't let me stop you."

He opens his car, rummaging through something inside until he pulls out his camera out of his camera bag. He shuts the door with a thud, sparing you one last glance before walking away and joining the others where a distant laughter can be heard. They're still around. 

Your mouth is open, closing slowly. What were you supposed to do? To try to convince him that it's not what it looks like? Nothing happened. You won't let your mind feed you with stupid scenarios. Yoongi hugged you, just as weird as it sounds, but there's no point in being dramatic. But the whole situation was slightly awkward and the awkwardness lingers even when Jungkook is nowhere in sight.

Considering what you and him bickered about yesterday, you suddenly understand Jungkook's side more. You've brought here a guy you're not exactly friends with. You know Jungkook doesn't like him and the intention of inviting Yoongi to come along is more than clear. Has been from the beginning. After all, you've hooked up with Yoongi. It doesn't matter if you had a proper intercourse or just a part of it. 

You still have something to be upset about. And you are. But seeing it from his perspective makes you understand him more. Not that you make excuses for him. Not at all. You're still mad at what he said back at Taehyung's apartment. He's at fault too. 

You trade your positions, wondering how you would feel if Jungkook invited someone he hooked up with. Purely just to piss you off. Because he hasn't invited poor Ester because of that.

You've fucked up too. You started it.

"See? This is why I don't hug people." Yoongi complains in the back, turning back to his task with a disapproving shake of his head. 

What's so fucking hard on coming to Jungkook and ask him to talk to you? You back off like a coward every time you get the opportunity to do that, whenever he's not surrounded by everyone. That's hard as well. The man seems to be talking to everyone, but no words or looks are exchanged between you. 

Deciding to let it go for a moment, it's better when the right time comes naturally and you won't be stealing glances at him, your legs twitching to move to muster the courage to talk to him. He's Jungkook for fuck sake! 

The only reason why you're so nervous is simple and nothing new. You're scared you talking will only result in more arguing. It's natural and normal for two people with different opinions to argue. Not mentioning all of this is fresh. You can tell by your lingering annoyance and anger. But you should talk as soon as possible. You really don't want to spend the rest of this trip ignoring each other.

You just have to know – no matter what, everything is going to be okay. Even if it doesn't seem like that. 

They've returned from the hike two hours ago, and complimented the food you and Yoongi prepared, since Taehyung woke up in the midst of cooking, refusing to lend a helping hand. 

The constant heat has made all of you fan, deciding to go to the lake again. This time no one really stays behind as everyone wants to freshen up in the water. Even Yoongi which surprises you.

He flashes everyone with his soft skin and toned stomach. Your gazes meet with Maya as she mouths he does have abs to you. You can't help but roll your eyes, laughing at her.

Overall, the atmosphere is loosen up and you find yourself enjoying the moment even with your situation not being sold. You push it back, far away in your mind and focus on your relaxation. That's why you came here, right? 

"Y/N, come here. We need one more person!" Maya calls out to you, in the water with Namjoon and Jungkook. Further away, there are Seokjin and Taehyung swimming laps.

"For what?" you call out to them, the droplets on your skin already dried. 

"Wrestling!"

Oh.

Maya's clutched to Namjoon's back, ushering to come there as your throat goes dry. Jungkook awkwardly stands there, water reaching just around his hips as he avoids your gaze.

"I'm good!" you call to them, shaking your head as Maya frowns.

You don't want things to make it any more awkward but still. Something's holding you back and the thought of being close to Jungkook, even if it's in a completely innocent way, makes you want to stay here. Where it's safe. 

"Come on, it's gonna be fun! Ester can't play because she fears water!"

You know that. You glance at Ester who you've been sitting beside for the past twenty minutes. She shrugs apologetically, enjoying the sun instead as she flips through pages of a magazine that Maya brought. 

Looking at the couple again, not missing Jungkook either, you sigh and stand up. You ignore Maya's triumphal sounds as you make your way there. You have to try to make things better. 

"I'm not sure about this game, though." you mutter, half of your body already in the water as your eyes stay on Maya who gives you an encouraging smile. 

"I'll go easy on you." she teases, causing you to purse your lips. 

"I'm not a fan of water games in general. At least not this kind."

"You're no fun." she continues to tease, Namjoon grins in response. 

"Yeah, because getting pushed into water from someone's shoulders sounds like total fun." you mutter sarcastically.

Jungkook's lips twitch and he rubs his nose instead, trying to appear as if he's not present. Maya gets on Namjoon's shoulders, the two of them in their own loving episode for a moment as they giggle and talk. 

Turning to Jungkook, you clear your throat which makes him look at you. "I won't let you fall." he says, easing down your nerves.

He knows about your opinion of this without you even stating it. That alone makes your heart flutter. "You better not." you joke.

One corner of his lips lifts up in a poor attempt of a smile. The air is awkward but you visibly relax because it's not that bad at all. He turns around and lowers himself. Motioning you to get on his shoulders, you obey and touch his heated and wet skin. Ignoring the hard muscles, Jungkook helps you to lift yourself to his shoulders until you're sitting on him. You hesitate to touch him any further, but once he turns to Namjoon and Maya, you automatically panic and grab the top of his head. 

"This okay?" he asks silently, only for you to hear.

"Mhm."

No words are exchanged once again, the game officially starting. Jungkook stays true to his words. Whenever Maya takes her attack into action, Jungkook tries to dodge it by moving you and him. 

"Y/N, you gotta push me babe." Maya laughs.

"I don't like this game!" you complain. Second after, Maya goes to push you and you stumble, yelping and holding Jungkook for your dear life. 

The couple laughs.

Jungkook has a tight grip on your legs, securing you which makes you more confident. You still don't like this game. But when Maya starts her attack again, you grow annoyed and try to push her. She stumbles and Namjoon has a hard time staying balanced. Once they're balanced, Maya gasps and laughs at your attack. 

"What?" you grumble, "I can get competitive too." 

"That's not fair. You've got Jungkook on your team." Maya laughs through her complaint. 

"Hey!" Namjoon feigns offense. 

"You're great, baby, but look at Jungkook. They haven't stumbled, not even once." 

Namjoon shoots you an amused grin, shaking his head at his girlfriend as you start wrestling again. In the middle of it, your and Maya's girlie gasps, yelps and giggles resound around the lake. You both grow weak from all the laughter, both men urging one of you to win. The final blow happens when you're close to falling, Jungkook holding you tight and balancing you as he brings you closer to the couple. All you have to do is push some more as Maya stumbles and falls into the water. 

"Oh shit." you gasp, hands placed over top of Jungkook's head as Maya emerges from the water a second after. She's laughing which makes you sigh in relief. 

"That was so fun!" she says happily, kissing Namjoon as the couple gets into their own world again and you two end up staring at the couple making out right in front of you.

You clear your throat. Jungkook gets the hint and gets you off his shoulders, carefully and slowly until he makes sure you're okay. He's holding you until your feet touch the ground.

"Everything good?" he asks, which makes you nod at him.

"Yeah, thanks."

You both glance away just as Maya stops sucking off her boyfriend's face. "You guys. We were thinking about going on a short hike again. You wanna join?" 

"Yeah, I found this other trail and apparently there is some good view. It's like ten minutes from here." Namjoon joins.

"I--" You and Jungkook say at the same time. 

"Jimin, are you going with us too?" Namjoon asks approaching Jimin, his hair wet from the water too.

"Where?"

Namjoon explains his plan which makes Jimin shrug. "Yeah, sounds good. Are you guys going too?" he asks, eyes stopping at you and Jungkook. 

You're both quiet, none of you dare to say a word as Jimin raises his brow. His features turn stern, giving you a knowing look. 

"Yeah." You and Jungkook's voices collide but create the same answer. 

With Jimin tagging along, you do feel like being on a trip with a strict father who's silently watching your every move. It just might be your paranoia. The obvious distance between you and Jungkook seems to wordlessly prove his point. One game won't fix the issue. So won't a hike.

Jungkook keeps to himself for most part, saying short bits here and there. Maya walks ahead with Namjoon, the couple's hands locked together and surprisingly, Taehyung has decided to join at the last minute. You're happy about that though. Without him, you can't imagine what awkward silence there would be. Nor you or Jungkook talk much which is rare, something Jimin and Taehyung clearly notice but luckily decide not to comment. It's already awkward as it is.

You and Jimin somehow stay behind, walking slower than the rest as you see Jungkook taking pictures of Maya and Namjoon while Taehyung stands beside them, looking where he could possibly sit.

Looking at your friends, you feel Jimin's eyes on the side of your face which makes you silently chuckle. "Just say what you wanna say."

"Why do you think I wanna say something?" Jimin asks.

You give him a look which makes him chuckle softly. 

"I'm just checking on you. I don't think me telling you something is gonna fix things." Well, that's true. 

"I'm miserable, but I'm planning to fix it." you inform him instead.

He remains silent for a moment, maybe not quite sure what to say before he nods in understatement. 

"I talked to Taehyung." 

"What did he say this time?" you ask right away, no beating around the bush since you both know Taehyung very well. 

Jimin laughs silently, shaking his head. "He didn't tell me what you talked about." He clarifies which does make you slightly surprised. 

"Really?"

"Well I didn't exactly pry."

"We both know Tae doesn't need anyone to pry. He's gonna tell you stuff on his own." you joke, the two of you laughing at the honest description of Taehyung's personality. 

"Yeah, but he didn't this time." he assures you.

Taehyung possibly saying anything about your conversation to Jimin doesn't exactly affect you. You didn't tell him much details and even if you did, you don't mind. But it seems fair to talk to Jungkook first, explain your behavior to him first before you go around and talk about it to anyone else. Sure, Maya knows. But that's only because she figured it out on her own. That situation was different overall. 

"He just told me he talked to you. You seemed sad and I... I don't know. I'm sorry?" he questions, "I'm not sure what to say but I want you to know that you and Jungkook are gonna figure it out. Don't worry too much, okay?" he ends softly.

In the end, they all want what's best for you. And when they see one of you struggling, they are there for that person. 

"I know," you mutter just as softly, "Thanks."

As you join the others on top of the hill, Taehyung's in the middle of sentence when your sneakers slip against a bigger rock. You yelp, stumbling and ready for a fall before a hand clasps around your wrist and keeps you steady.

Mouth open and heart beating fast from the shock, you see a familiar set of eyes frowned in worry. “You okay?”

“Yeah, thanks.” You clear your throat, Jungkook's touch fading just as Taehyung's voice.

You ignore the little smirk Maya tries to hide, feigning innocence as Namjoon subtly pokes her side.

Once you come back to the camping site, not much has changed. Everyone seems to be enjoying their time here and for that, you're glad. Your unnecessary drama with Jungkook has caused enough trouble. One that you're the cause of. You're stupid for opening your mouth and letting jealousy get the worst of you. Sure, you've both fucked up eventually, but you realize your mistake here. To truly resolve this, you and Jungkook must talk. 

Jimin has –purposely or not – given you the little push you might've needed. Though you're very aware of his inner thoughts and opinions he might've not talked about this time, you know he was being a good friend. He's trying to turn you in the right direction. 

However, getting to the actual task is not as easy as it seems.

Everyone's having a good time, including Jungkook who's more talkative than yesterday. Trying to talk to him will just attract everyone's attention, so you stupidly retrieve every time you think it's the right time to just call out his name and let him know you want to talk. 

Argh!

You're mad at yourself for making this difficult. 

But as the night comes and drinking continues, the atmosphere is too good to potentially mess it up. Jungkook's flushed cheeks and big doe eyes tell you he's already tipsy. If you want to have a proper conversation, you want both of you to be sober. To be fair, you've had a fair share of beer as well and it's better to sort this out later. 

You're leaving tomorrow though. And that thought makes you upset with yourself even more. You've managed to be on this camping trip without properly talking. Not only that, but you also haven't sorted anything which naturally makes you frustrated. Because… What's the big deal? He's Jungkook. It has always been easy to talk to him. 

You're aware of the embarrassment still lingering deep within your chest. And fuck. You haven't even confessed what caused your reaction last week.

It's a stupid argument.

And you also don't want to spend the rest of this camping trip overthinking stuff, nor spend it regretting something that can't be changed. So you focus on the people around you. You laugh, talk and enjoy your last night here because your other friends are here too.

It comes to midnight, most of the guys already gone, barely able to keep their eyes open. Ester and Jin went to sleep and shortly after, Maya and Namjoon joined them. You're thinking of it too, your eyes start to feel heavy and the previous effect of alcohol starts to wear off. Well, you surely haven't gotten wasted, which can't be said about Jimin and Taehyung. The two men cling to each other like a loving couple as they whisper their appreciation for their youth (as they called it). 

While they reminisce about their old times, Hoseok is close to tripping while Yoongi laughs and makes no effort to actually help him, you notice Jungkook. He has detached from the camping fire and the group, moving closer to the tall trees as your brows furrow. Already on your feet, you distance yourself from the noise and make your way to him.

“Jungkook!”

His steps falter before he glances over his shoulder. You watch the subtle surprise on his face, based on the way his brows lift up, before you're met with a perfect sight of his rosy cheeks and the effect alcohol has left on him. 

“Where the hell are you going?”

He gives you a lazy smile, one you haven't realized you missed. In fact, you've missed any kind of smile of his. This trip has been crazy which is a shame because you really hoped this one would take the cake.

He shrugs and while you're completely oblivious to his sudden drunken idea, you join him before he could get out of your sight. Not that he was trying to but you wouldn't want to risk it. Not a single person back there seems to be capable of possibly searching for missing Jungkook. 

You catch him by his wrist, you don't allow him to walk any further. “You're drunk.” 

Once again met with that lazy smile of his, he remarks: “So are you.”

“I'm tipsy. Not as drunk as you anyway.” you correct, his lips pouting a little.

“You didn't talk to me.” he admits silently.

Features faltering, your fingers twitch around his wrist as you slowly let go. “I wanted to.”

“Why didn't you?”

“Because we all drank a lot, Kook. I would rather talk about this when we're both sober.”

It is true. Though you should've talked to him sooner. You shouldn't have waited until well, it's too late to talk tonight anyway. Jungkook has given you the space to come to him when you want to talk. It seems like he's been waiting for you to approach him this whole  time. You've failed to do that. 

“Kook,” he laughs silently, your lips twitching in a mere amusement when you notice his toothy (and drunk) grin. “I've missed that.”

You offer him a saddened smile with thousands of emotions behind it, though you remain silent because what's the point of talking about it now. “Come on. Let's go back and sleep it off.” 

You tug the sleeve of his oversized hoodie, motioning from where you came from. Luckily, he ends up following you instead of taking a spontaneous walk in the dark woods or whatever he had planned. 

You're both shocked to find the fire extinguished and seats empty as everyone has seemed to go to sleep. Sighing, Jungkook simply waves you a goodbye as he stumbles to his tent. You watch him, wondering whether you should help him or not but in the end, he seems to manage as he disappears inside his tent. Rubbing your forehead, you decide to not stay outside any longer. Everything does have a different vibe with no one outside.

Unzipping your tent, you expect Yoongi to be sprawled all over the place utmost. What you don't expect however, is Taehyung there with him as the two men messily lay there. It even makes you pull out your phone and turn on your flashlight to make sure you're seeing right. Taehyung's legs are spreaded and outstretched, his arm thrown over Yoongi's chest while your usually annoying co-worker is gone just as much.

“Fucking great.” you mutter, nudging Taehyung's foot with your own. 

His lack of response and ignorance (from his obvious intoxication) causes you to be harsher with your movements which eventually makes a set of drunken curses be spat out at you. Knowing there's no point of trying to get him out of there, you zip the tent back up. Rubbing your forehead and keeping the frustration to yourself, you glance at Jungkook's tent before a silent groan slips past your lips.

Fucking Taehyung. 

Unzipping Jungkook's tent, you get inside just as he is still awake and very much drunk as lifts his head up to check the intruder. “Who are you?”

Rolling your eyes, you respond. “It's me.”

Leaving your shoes outside, you quickly zip the tent back up to avoid any insects getting inside. “Taehyung somehow ended up taking up my tent. You don't mind if I stay here, right?”

You turn your screen on, lighting up the dark space to see where you can lay down. Jungkook's face is scrunched at the bright light as you apologize before quickly laying down at the space beside him.

“'M–don't mind.”

Chuckling, you make yourself more comfortable as you turn to face him. When your eyes adjust to the darkness, you notice him laying on his back with hand over his chest.

“I should've talked to you today.” you mutter, wondering if he even hears you when you're met with silence.

But that doesn't last long when a silent sigh leaves him. “It's–mm–okay.”

“No, it's not. Look, I wasn't really acting right and I should've–”

“Let's talk about it tomorrow, m'okay?” he breathes out tiredly, turning onto his side as he faces you. “No fighting.”

You chuckle unsurely, embarrassed by your previous argument once again. That's until Jungkook pulls you closer to him, offering you his warmth which you gladly take. Scooting closer to him, face inches from his clothed chest and the familiar scent of him, he loudly sighs as a silence follows. 

That's until it's interrupted by incomprehensible slurs coming from Jungkook.

“What?” you ask, frowned while trying to understand him.

“'M sorry.” Is all he says before completely dozing off. 

As the birds start to chirp and the air gets a little too warm, you're shaken out of your sleep despite the sleepiness making you dizzy. In and out of your consciousness, going back to sleep is not something that comes easy. Especially when memories of yesterday night start to slowly click in once you crack your eyes open, finding yourself in a different tent. 

Soon, with your conscience more present, you realize the warm air is not the only thing that keeps you warm. You've managed to get out of the sleeping bag, probably when sunrise has hit the sky and it started to get a little too unbearable in this tent. However your back feels like it's burning. With your legs intertwined with – what you soon realize – Jungkook's, his arm draped over your waist and chest pressed against your very much burning back. 

To find yourself in this position again causes you to be unsure of how to react. You hate how comforting it feels like, especially after everything you both have been through. There's still a lot to talk about, something you should most likely do before this trip comes to an end. However, you still wish to stay in this position a little longer. Perhaps acting like nothing's wrong for a while won't hurt anybody. 

Jungkook's body temperature does make you shift, your bodies rubbing as you finally notice the undoubted erection he's sporting in his shorts. That alone causes your pulse to quicken up, heat spreading all over your face as if you were the one with obvious erection. While aware that this is something he can't always control, it does feel slightly superior to experience this again. The close and intimate position causes you to feel more than it normally would. His cock is nestled between your asscheeks and you have no idea what to do with this information. 

While you're trying to keep your cool about it (and dissuade yourself from acting upon your secret sexual wishes), Jungkook is bound to wake up by the little shift you make when you start feeling the first traces of sweat. Still, when he shifts in his spot you tense up. 

"Ignore it." he says simply and completely groggily, proving he has just woken up. 

There's a couple of things you could do right now. But you should also be more logical than you've been over the past week or so. That's why you ignore any devilish scenarios there could potentially happen, obeying his first morning words. 

Jungkook unwraps his body from yours, turning onto his back with a soft groan. Stretching his limbs, he sits up with messy hair while shooting you a sideways glance. Turning on your back and exposing your face to him, you both share a glance of pure nothing. You two just have a quick look at each other before Jungkook rubs his face while yawning. 

"Is anyone awake?" he asks.

Shrugging, you answer. "I don't know, I just woke up." 

"Right." he nods. 

Why is everything suddenly so awkward? 

"Well, I'm gonna make myself something to eat. You want something too?" he asks while gathering his shirt nearby, covering his torso with it. 

When you don't answer, he glances back at you which shakes you out of your trance. "Ah, maybe? I don't know what's left." 

"I'll go check." 

And he's out of the tent, leaving you alone with not only messy hair but messy mind as well. Deciding not to lay there long enough for you to overthink everything from the start, you put your slides on and join Jungkook outside. You find him rummaging through a few packages of snacks that have been left on the outside table, scratching the back of his head. 

He heard you walking toward him, shooting you a short glance. "There's nothing much left. I guess the rest of the food is in the caravan." 

As Jungkook is ready to go there, you tug onto his hoodie to stop him. "You're gonna wake them." 

Everyone seems to be still asleep. You have no idea what time it is, but it's definitely too early for you two to be awake too. Especially when you went to sleep last. You could definitely use more sleep but that's not currently possible. Your mind is whirling with never-ending thoughts, so there's no point in attempting to fall back to sleep. 

"So? I'm not gonna stay hungry." Jungkook pouts, clearly not liking the thought of not eating his precious breakfast which let alone makes you chuckle because you're very aware of his disappointment. 

"I'm not sure if there's much left anyway." 

Seokjin did mention something about possibly running out of food yesterday, but no one really bothered to sort it out right then. It was too late anyway and everyone started drinking. 

"Maybe we should go and buy something." you propose, avoiding Jungkook's pair of eyes on you as you busy yourself while looking around. 

Things are still tense, at least too tense for you two, and just because you talked a little yesterday and today too doesn't mean everything is alright. Though you at least communicate with each other, woke up in a close proximity fully cuddling each other. 

"Alright," he sighs in the end. "Let me just go wash my face and brush my teeth."

"Yeah, I gotta do that too." you murmur before both of you get ready. 

While you do your morning routine and share a bottle of water to wash your face and rinse your mouth, there are no words spoken or even uttered. You both change to more clean and suitable clothes. Jungkook has abandoned his hoodie and is wearing his casual oversized black shirt with a pair of new shorts. You've decided to wear one of your summer dresses. It's not like there will be any opportunity to wear it on this trip since you haven't gone to the town yet. 

Being back in Jungkook's car brings you a weird sense of nostalgia though that's definitely a bit dramatic. You've been fighting for a week, in any case, it shouldn't be that serious at all. Is it weird to say you're glad to be here? 

You and him are in the car together, listening to some music like any other times you've gone on a ride together. Pretty sure both of you can sense how there's this odd tension between you two, you both ignore it and go to the nearest convenience store. Once you're done, you find a hot-dog stand and decide to have your breakfast there. Jungkook pays, ignoring your useless attempt of pulling out your wallet which leaves you to mumble an appreciative thanks . He waves you off, silently telling you not to mention it. 

When you get back, everyone's still sleeping. Jungkook sets the grocery bag onto the table when you approach him, nervously and unsure as you mutter his name. 

"Hm?" 

"Can we talk?" you ask, his movements pausing as he sets the bottle of coke down. 

You both know what that means. 

"Sure. Here?" he questions. 

"Let's take a walk." you offer, causing him to nod as he follows you. 

You decide to take a walk to the lake, knowing there's a short bridge where you can comfortably sit and talk in a peaceful and quiet surrounding with no interruptions. As you sit down on the hardwood, Jungkook joins you as you both take the time staring ahead and breathing in the summery air. Fiddling with your fingers in your lap, you steal a glance at Jungkook who catches you almost immediately. It leaves your cheeks warm as you let out a chuckle, the amusement dancing on his face. 

"I don't know how to start," you admit truthfully. "But I know I should explain myself, I should have from the start actually... but never mind. I should explain why I acted that way at Tae's place." 

"We both let things get out of hand." he mutters and you nod.

"Yes, but I started it. Which makes me embarrassed that I let myself act like that in front of not just you, but Jimin and Taehyung as well." 

"Why did you then?" 

"Because I was jealous of Ester." you let out the painfully awkward words out. 

But for the first time since the argument, you feel the weight on your chest slowly dropping. 

Jungkook snaps his eyes toward you, looking shocked and confused as ever. "Jealous? What? Why?" 

"It's stupid," you chuckle nervously. "I never had to share you with any other girl. I mean—like a friend. You never brought any girl into our group and I guess I felt threatened in a way. I know it sounds stupid and I swear I'm not possessive or anything like that! Ester is actually nice and I felt like a total bitch the entire time here, even before we came here." 

"It never crossed my mind this could be the case. I'm sorry." Jungkook mumbles slowly, still gathering his thoughts. 

"Kook, I'm the one who's sorry. I overreacted. I should've talked to you sooner or explained myself right there at Tae's. But I decided to be stubborn and childish, I wasn't truthful because I didn't want to admit out loud that I was just jealous." 

"I gotta admit I was pretty clueless back then. I didn't know why you were suddenly so against Ester. It just—it got out of hand, I guess we both can agree with that," You nod. "I didn't act right too. I shouldn't have said some of the things I did." 

"We both shouldn't have," you add. "And it did hurt hearing you comparing me to her. That made me even more upset, which only escalated." 

"I—" He stops himself, sighing as he closes his eyes almost painfully. "That came out wrong. I wasn't trying to compare you two. What I meant by that was just... I couldn't understand why you got so hostile about her going and I thought you would understand that since you were in her position too. You know how hard it can be making friends. Which doesn't excuse any of my reactions, I'm just trying to explain myself too." 

"No, I know. It feels nice to finally talk about this openly," you assure him. "And I admit my mistake here too. I was acting like that because I was jealous." 

"There's no need for you to be jealous, Y/N." Jungkook assures you, softly and with a pinch of lightness to his voice which both makes you chuckle gently and silently.

"And then you assumed the whole tent situation and I just bursted. I was sensitive because of my emotions." 

"I'm sorry. I clearly wouldn't assume you share it with her if you didn't want to. It was a mere idea." he mumbles. 

"I know. In other cases I would be completely fine with it. But I wasn't because..." 

"Because you got jealous." he finishes for you, things starting to make more sense to him. 

"... yeah." 

"I meant it. Ester is my friend but she's never going to replace what you and me have. I'm serious." 

You find Jungkook staring right back at you, making sure you see how serious he is about that and it does offer you everything you've needed. Assurance. 

"I'm sorry, Kook. I really am. It all got messy and if I knew my reaction would end up with us fighting, I would keep my mouth shut. I even invited Yoongi for fuck sake!" you exclaim, Jungkook snickering under his breath. 

"Yeah, you totally did that just to piss me off." 

You offer him a weak attempt of a sheepish smile. It's all good though, it causes him to laugh because he knows . 

"I'm sorry too, if I hurt you. I want you to know I never meant it the way you took it. It wasn't right for me to say some of the things too. I got frustrated and annoyed. I also want you to know that I get hurt and upset too." he admits silently, almost as if he's scared to say it out loud. 

It causes your features to twist into sadness and empathy as you nod. 

"I'm nowhere near perfect. I fuck up too." he adds. 

"We both fucked up. But I guess I'm the bigger culprit in this." You try to joke, but Jungkook only glances at you with a soft gaze. 

"We were both stupid and petty. There's no need to point fingers at who was worse. Let's just leave it at that." 

You stay in silence, hearing the birds flying here and there as they chirp in the background. For a moment, you feel like you can't think. There are no thoughts in your mind, yet it feels like your head is suddenly going to burst with them. 

Feeling overwhelmed is an understatement in this situation and before you know it, your eyes sting and water. Sniffling silently, you catch Jungkook's attention and you know there's no point in hiding it anymore. 

"It just got all so messy!" you cry out, Jungkook's mouth opening and features twisting in sadness. 

"Come here," He wraps his arm around your shoulders, pulling you to his side as he hugs you. "We are both idiots. But we talked about it and apologized. So no crying, hm?" he offers, gently pressing a kiss on top of your head. 

You chuckle through your tears, giving him a weak nod. "I just can't believe we took it this far." 

Jungkook hums, keeping you close to him. 

"I don't want to lose you, Kook." 

"You're not going to lose me, silly." 

"But we never argued like this!" 

"You also never got jealous before. We never had any other female friends around." he says lightly, trying to assure you that it's alright because you do need that assurance. 

"It's your fault." you click your tongue, poking his side as he lets out a dramatic gasp. 

"My fault?" 

"Yes, I told you I'm not allowing any girls in our group." you joke, giving him a look which causes him to laugh.

He throws his head back before he stares for a little longer, laughter slowly dying down as he gently pokes your cheek. "You were also wasted at that time. I didn't think you would take it this seriously." 

"It's fine," you assure him. "It was stupid of me to get this jealous." 

"Well, I can assure you that there's no other Y/N, alright?" he teases, nudging your side as you feel your cheeks heaten up once again, a shy smile crossing on your lips.

You have to be honest. It feels fucking great to hear him say that. This way it feels like him having any other possible female friends is no big deal. You've always known what you and Jungkook have is special. You've had that since you met him and her closer. It was dumb of you to question that but well, jealousy is a disease. It's a vile emotion. 

The silence follows shortly after, the memories coming back to you as you let out a sigh. "We fought like petty kids. But you know what actually made me upset? The first night here. In the woods." 

Jungkook looks at you, giving you all the attention as you take the cue to continue. 

"I wasn't upset with you. I was upset with myself for letting our friendship get to this point. Since when do we solve our problems by fucking through them?" 

Jungkook opens his mouth, though no response comes out of it. 

"I don't regret it. I think we acted upon our frustration and damn, we had lots of it." 

"We sure had. The sex was good though." 

You snicker, nudging him this time as he laughs. "It was. But once it was over, I got this anger at myself. I thought 'what did we do with our friendship?'. But thinking of it now, a part of me is like, but what's the big deal? I don't know if I make any sense right now."

"No, you do. I mean... I knew you were mad, I didn't know why exactly but when you said something like this didn't happen, I knew you're upset." 

"I agreed to that sex, Kook. I wanted it." You make sure he knows that. You don't see inside his head, but you need to know that there's not an ounce of regret of what happened in those woods. For a moment it was thrilling and the only thing you felt like you needed. You're upset because you felt that way. Not because it happened. 

"It got all too much for me. From the argument a week ago to the point where we couldn't stand each other. I just asked myself what we have become?" 

Jungkook hums in acknowledgment. 

"Maybe we should take a break?" you ask. 

You've never thought of it earlier on. Damn, you're not even sure how this came out all of a sudden. Just a sudden idea that currently makes sense. Though, you're not sure about it completely, talking to Jungkook about it seems like the first step. 

"A break?" 

"From the sex. Learn how to be best friends again." 

"Weren't we best friends all this time?" he chuckles. 

You know what he means. Regardless of your intimate life together, outside of it you were still the same. Perhaps you're just overreacting and are still upset over how you dealt with things instead. Actually, you're sure that's why. But maybe this could be beneficial for you two. 

So you tell him exactly that, met with a moment of silence before he breaks it. 

"I'm not sure what to say. I don't wanna say anything to disregard you. If this is what you want or think is right, I'm up for it." 

"You don't think a break could be... good?" 

"I mean, we don't know unless we try." he shrugs. "I told you whenever you want to end this, we can. You're in control of this too." 

"I don't regret having sex with you, Kook." 

He chuckles but once he sees your raised brow, he clears his throat and rubs the tip of his nose gently. "I know you don't. I wasn't thinking of that at all." 

"I just want you to know." 

"I know, don't worry." he smiles. 

"So, it's all behind us?" 

"Of course. Fighting with you fucks me up more than you think." he laughs as you join. 

"God, everyone witnessed our bickering and childish behavior." you whine, hiding your face in your hands as Jungkook rubs your back before he retrieves his hand. 

"Fuck them. Who cares?" 

"I do," you whine. "That shit was embarrassing. So embarrassing that I even apologized to Yoongi the other day. He was trying to console me but he's pretty shit at it." 

Jungkook only snickers. 

"That's when you came in. It wasn't what—"

"You don't owe me any explanation, okay?" he says gently, brushing a strand of hair off your face. 

"And he actually fingered me when we—I lied." 

Jungkook chokes on his spit, coughing. "What?" 

"I mean—I lied but didn't realize it. I was so out of it that I couldn't remember properly. It wasn't my fault, it was yours actually." 

"My fault?" Jungkook laughs, amused. 

"Mhm." You don't tell him that his sex capability literally makes you lose your mind sometimes. "I just had to set the record straight."

"Well, thanks for letting me know your co-worker fingered you as well. Thanks for the kindness." he mutters under his breath, shooting you a grin when you slap his thigh. 

"We're good?" 

"We're good, stupid." he laughs, hugging you to him as you hug him back. 

Burrowing your head in his chest, you smile for the first time in a long time. Genuinely. 

"You guys made up?!" 

You slowly pull off from each other, looking behind you to find shirtless Taehyung, very much awake and not hungover like you would've expected him to. He's got experience, you guess. 

"Finally!" 

He claps loudly, catching the attention of others as you slowly make them come closer to Taehyung. Jimin frowns, asking something as Taehyung responds. Jimin shoots you a thumbs up. 

"Now fuck each other's brain out!" 

Looking at each other with Jungkook, you both burst into laughter. 

"I'm gonna kill him." 

You hope not everyone has heard that but luckily, there's only Jimin next to him who slaps his back which causes Taehyung to completely ignore him as he shoots you a boyish grin, not forgetting to wiggle his brows at you. 

"Yup. Me too." Jungkook says, standing up as he offers his hand to help you stand up. 

You gladly take it, the two of you smiling at each other before you join the others.

[zoeykallus]

heya! I'm not sure if your requests are closed, and by no means do I hope to overwhelm you further with more requests :'D feel free to ignore this especially bc it's more of a negative request aaa

so as context: sometimes I zone out and due to my childhood I will flinch if I see a movement coming at me which at the time I thought was understandable/normal but my bf has already expressed his disappointment every time I flinched or denied physical affection and left me being the one who apologizes for a reflex and I was wondering how the batch (platonically) would react to the reader (preferably female) telling them that story if the reader was the batch's bffs or smth? :'D (plus Cody if that's okay!) I'd be curious to know if they would just try to calm me down or if they would try to encourage me to get that specific thing fixed maybe?

argh I'm so sorry for the long ass text cRIES

again no pressure whatsoever with this waaah

Aloha! 😊

Interesting question. Personally, I think personal space should always be respected, no matter how close we are with someone. In a relationship, most people tend to loving physical contact in many different forms, and I see how this reaction can be surprising or off-putting for some. But with a little empathy and patience, that really shouldn't be a problem for a partner to get used to and accept. If my partner is jumpy with such reflex reactions, I should be able to adjust. There is a reason for this reaction and I think you shouldn't be, or feel pressured to apologize for it. All in all, communication (and an understanding, open mind) is key, as it almost always is. Then there is also the option to try and get that out of your system, so to speak. Therapy might help, it's worth a try or two. After all, it would possibly make things easier for you as well, giving you more comfort in everyday life. Easier said than done, I know. But that's just my two cents. Either way, I'm wishing you all the best 😊 Let's see...

The Bad Batch/Cody x Reader HCs - The Flinch

Warnings: Implied Trauma / Traumatic Reflex Reaction

_________

Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)

_________

>Masterlist<

Hunter

It can happen casually, maybe he doesn't really think about it, just wants your attention for a moment, but you are busy, and your mind is elsewhere. A brief touch on the shoulder, innocent, gentle, without ulterior motives. Still, you flinch and turn around so quickly, startled, that he flinches briefly himself.

Hunter in no way intended to scare you or offend you, he would never do that consciously. Of course, he apologizes, you are close friends, he knows your past that you confided in him.

"I should have known better, I'm sorry. Are you okay?"

He is patient, gentle and forgiving. Hunter tries his best to be sensitive to you and respect your boundaries. He is careful in his interactions with you, considerate.

Echo

The first time it happens, he is so startled by your reaction that he backs away and looks at his hand as if he expects to see it red-hot, or spiked. He blinks a few times, then says, "Sorry, did I scare you?"

Whether you confide in him or not, Echo will never hold it against you. He can understand that your reaction has a background, and he can respect that you don't want to share it with him. This does not change the fact that he will take it into consideration.

He sometimes seems strict and so serious, but he has an antenna for the sensitivities of others. It is in his nature to be considerate.

Wrecker

He is a bit impetuous and very affectionate. Scaring you or triggering a reaction is never his intention, but it can still happen quite a few times. You can speak openly with Wrecker, he is happy to listen to you, he is understanding even if you don't tell him everything.

He will always apologize if it still happens accidentally, and he will never blame you for these reactions. He will rather make sure that others around you respect your personal space as well.

Tech

He is not a particularly physical guy. On the contrary, Tech values his personal space and usually respects that of others around him. In combat, this may not be possible at times, but in general everyday life, Tech tends to keep a polite distance.

If he does trigger that automatic flight or defensive reaction, he apologizes immediately, and you can assume it won't happen again. He himself is not a fan of surprising touches, which is why he doesn't like Wreckers' little nudges at all and usually lets them pass with rolling eyes or critically furrowed brows.

Crosshair

As almost always, his first reaction is a bit grumpy. He doesn't immediately understand what's going on, but he's a good observer and a bright guy. Of course, he notices that you have these reactions more often, even with other people.

Crosshair reads your body language and realizes that this is a learned, habitual reflex reaction. He understands that there is a real, possibly deep-seated reason behind it. Of course, he adapts, even if he doesn't like to admit it, he can be considerate and very understanding.

So you don't have to worry about him. He certainly doesn't respect or appreciate you less than before because of that. In fact, it awakens a certain protective instinct in him.

Cody

At first, he is surprised, but he is neither offended nor annoyed. But he is attentive. As a soldier, he's learned to read body language, to interpret reactions, and even though you might not say anything about it, Cody understands pretty quickly what makes you tick.

You can count on him to pay attention to that in the future. You don't have to apologize to him, you can just be yourself and relax. Cody is always a safe haven.

He also won't let other people maybe cause you problems because of it. Anyone who teases you about it or makes fun of you should be prepared to get in trouble.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - PAIN, all the pain you could want

except this is me, I don’t want it... whimper 

Dec 2022 Wk 1

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying the most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

My School President (Fri YT) 2 of 10 - this show is gloriously ridiculous and charming and exactly my preferred kind of BL. Tinn has NO GAME, but man do I love a whipped boy. Anything that harkens this hard to Love Sick gets my vote. 

609 Bedtime Story (Fri WeTV) 3 of 11 - It is nice to see Ohm play a character with more animated facial expressions. I’m liking this show a great deal, but I am really not wild about time loops. Crazy to see Stud & Sam on screen together again. Holy Friend Zone flashbacks batman. 

Between Us (Sun iQIYI) 5 of 12 - it continues to be great, I continue to worry about the fact that apparently only Taiwanese BL considers therapy a viable option for boys who actually, ya know, NEED it. WATCH ALONG HERE.

Ai Long Nhai (Mon iQIYI) 11 of 12 - More nothing is happening, but the nothing is shirtless again, so I’m good. 

Remember Me (Sun Gaga) 9 of 12 - Well, the sweet little BL with Gun & Golf is great. Bummer they only take up 20% of screen time. Golf’s parents are the best. That’s all I got. 

I Will Knock You (Fri Gaga) 4 of 12 - it’s boring, what can I say? 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai 

My Tooth Your Love (Taiwan Fri Viki) 10 of 12 - everything about this show is so stinking cute, even the crumbs are adorbs. So many smiley kisses! (my 2nd fav kiss, the 1st one being a crying kisses, I’m warped). Speaking of, is it just me or is the actor playing Alex 1000% hotter when he smiles? Please no Doom next week, Taiwan? Pretty please? 

Oh! My Assistant (Korea Thurs Viki) 3-4 of 8 - Amusingly, I’m referring to it as OhMyAss in my notes. I do love this one, it has such a Japanese feel to it. The episode titles alone are hilarious. Plus, kisses already? Korea? What’s going on? Meanwhile, this is my favorite bisexual awakening in cinematic history. It made me incandescently happy. 

Happy Ending Romance (Korea Thurs Gaga & Viki) 5-6 of 8 - Look, I can watch Leo be pensive & moody until the cows come home (and have in half of Vixx’s MVs*) but it is getting a little tiresome here. PLUS: this is a KBL they don’t have a lot of time to waste even on his level of evil beauty. I think this would have worked better as a romance if the Writer had known the Editor in (at least) a friendly way in the past/at school as well - so there was more established dynamic to their instant affection and shacking up. Apart from my qualms around the romance thread, the plot is actually pretty good. It’s very angsty and tense for something so simple, which suits this length of show. *I guess what I am saying is if Korea ever did a remake of KinnPorsche, Leo MUST play Vegas.

Choco Milk Shake (Korea Strongberry Tues YT) 10 of 11 - Pain. Argh. It was cruel to send them back, to all of us. Is there an ep 11, or is that a BTS and this was the end? In which case... in Strongberry I no longer trust. I guess we find out next week how shaken my faith is. 

Eternal Yesterday AKA Eien no Kino (Japan Thurs Gaga & Viki) 8fin -Fortunately I have no faith at all in Japan, I expect pain from them. So here’s your final review of this one: 

Smart boy in love with zombie incubus, keeps him alive with sex. Japan, king of thirst, gives us both that and PAIN: these 2 are drowning in yearning and loss. Careful with this one - you break it, you bought it, and it'll break you... wide open just to see what color your guts are. After watching, you too might be walking around alone, forgotten, and wondering why no one understands your loss. Not only does it not end happily, it ends hopelessly. That’s an automatic 2/10 from me. No exceptions and NOT RECOMMENDED.

Sure, it may actually be brilliant, but it hurt me and I’m mad about it. 

It’s Airing But I’m Not Watching It

War of Y (Thai Gaga) 20 eps - it’s just all too much for me.

2 Moons 3 (Thai Mon ??) 10 eps - Possibly a future binge watch. Rumor is it’s banal.

Love Bill  (Vietnam Sat YT) - Bah Vinh is back but I’m too distracted. Also there’s a lot of fund raising stuff going on. I’ll wait and binge.

The Star Always Follow You (Vietnam YT) - same Team RL peeps we have seen before (Sunshine, Stupid)

Till the World Ends (Thai YT) 10 eps - ?

Why You... Y Me? (Thai Weds YT) 10 eps - It's not primarily a BL, but another meta show about BL shipping, with side BLs. @heretherebedork is watching it, ask them about it.

Gossip

Here’s that rumor, by the way. 

I refuse to believe it. GMMTV is simply forbidden to do pain, it’s not their brand and I’ll be very mad if they do. 

In Case You Missed It

Semantic Error movie (Viki) the repackage did have some nice added footage but I wasn’t wild about some of the new scene cut choices. Still, not substantial enough changes for me to deeply lean one way or the other. I prefer the original but that might just be because that’s how I consumed it first. *shrug* 

GAP the series (Sat YT) is a classic office set romance. WATCH IT! It’s GL and this studio needs our support! I’m enjoying it but not chronicling my journey. (Also, the stairs are back.)

Next Week Looks Like This:

Starting December 2022: 

Dec 13 - Never Let Me Go from Thailand, GMMTV’s YT, 10 eps -  GMMTV’s answer to KinnPorsche this is a mafia, attack dog (whipping boy + bodyguard) suspense BL. I’m delighted to see Pond Phuwin get a crack at something that’s not FUTS. Jojo (3 Will Be Free) is directing, so we know the action parts should be decent.

Dec 15 - The Director Who Buys Me Dinner from Korea, iQIYI - A new production house employee whose director (absolutely perfect in every way except that he seems to have lost his mind) claims to have lived 3 lives and insists that they have to date if they don't want to die.

Dec 16 - Candy Color Paradox AKA Ameiro Paradox from Japan, Gaga, 8 eps - A stakeout throws Onoe, a reporter, together with photographer Kaburagi. Kaburagi's haphazard work style goes against Onoe's ethics. Yet, in joint pursuit of a scandal, the two move from enemies to lovers. Adapted from manga Ameiro Paradox by Natsume Isaku.

Dec 21 - The New Employee AKA The New Recruit AKA Shinib Sawo from Korea, (prob Gaga or Viki) - From WATCHA (Semantic Error) virginal Seung Hyun scores the office internship of his dreams but on his first day at work he gets into it with his cool reserved boss. As you do. Stars Moon Ji Yong (Once Again). Based on Moscareto's web novel of the same name, directed by openly gay & queer activist Kim Jho Gwang Soo (Just Friends?). 

Dec 28 - H5: Love in the Future from Taiwan (prob Gaga or Viki) - A cheerful and energetic student from 2000 travels to the future (2022), works as a deliveryman, and meets his first customer, an heir with a domineering personality. Directed by Nancy Chen (HIStory 4, Papa & Daddy).

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Between Us

I love him, your honor. (Ai Long Nhai) 

I catching another bad case of side dish addiction syndrome (GameVee in 609 Bedtime Story) 

We stan a dorky wingman with an imaginary umbrella trope. (My School Pres) 

(last week) 

[wariodemambo]

Sorry if you're having a time™️ when you get home, Wario, because there's already a very. Specific knock on your door. Specific by I mean it sounds like the 1-1 theme. Does he do that on purpose or is it just in his blood.

"Hiya, Wario! It'sa Mario." Oh great. More Mario, "I hope-a you're alright after the big bout, but uh. Someone told Mario to bring him to you, so--"

Wario. Mr. Demambo. How's that imagery of Ronnie awkwardly standing behind Mario for you when you open your front door. Oh, and Son holding Duct & Tape under his arms looming behind the two red-clad guys too, but. No, that's Ronnie. That's Ronnie. Alive. Awkwardly looking away and rubbing his arm. Behind Mario. Who is clearly completely oblivious to Ronnie's apparent 'fate' judging by that casual look in his blue eyes. Ronnie did sort of look like a guy who worked for WarioWare or whatever it was called, so Mario didn't really think twice.

After picking up the rest of Gold's team, the pair awkwardly made their way home. Try as he might, the kid still managed to stir up trouble while he was away. Part of him feels a little guilty for considering a child leash, but... What else is a guy to do with a kid who doesn't know how to sit still? Then again, Gold may find a way to chew through it like Lulu, so... argh.

He just lost one child. Why did he have to be at risk of losing another? At least Gold couldn't die again, but... It sounded like this Hypno guy could do some damage if they weren't careful.

Once he finished texting Gustavo — in all capital letters, short and sweet. He knows that guy's blind as a bat — he continued to clear out the notifications of his neglected phone. Wario grumbled to himself as he could hear Shokora humming in the distance. Let me tell her, He told Gold when they arrived home, You shouldn't have to go through that.

... Good Grambi, Shokora. What could he possibly say? Your daughter got blended, came back sometime after, then disappeared with her fate unknown? Princess Shokora, spending who knows how long as a cat, watching everything of her life mutate into something so foreign. And when she finally found some semblance of happiness with them... Gah. Even if he made begrudging peace with the fact Cotton Candy may never come home... The image of Shokora's mournful visage was enough to reopen regret-filled wounds. He's sorry, Princess.

Not to mention Omino, whom he hadn't seen since they were kidnapped from Peppino's Pizza. It was only a brief glimpse, but the carnage he saw made him want to throw up. He would not wish that fate on anyone, not even Bowser.

His thoughts continued to spiral. None of them were given a chance to clear their heads, were they? Which is why, for once, Wario was glad to hear Mario's knocking on his door... He was the reason Wario picked himself back up, after all. Call it a hopeful break from the torment nexus...

Or what it would have been if all color didn't leave his face upon opening the door.

❝ — Aaaaaaaieeeeeeeeeeeeeee? ❞ My goodness, he's too shocked to even scream. His eyes keep cycling from Mario, Ronnie, Son, Duct, and Tape. Is this happening! Does Mario even know? He probably doesn't if he's still smiling at Wario, waiting for him to say something. Wario blinked a few times, rubbed his eyes, then stared momentarily. ❝ R–Ronnie? ❞ Saying that name didn't make it any more believable. Mario was still waiting. Wario coughed.

❝ I-a mean, uh. Thhhhank you, Mario – ❞ But our Princess is in another castle. ❝ Wario will, uh. Take it from here. ❞ He locked eyes with Ronnie for another moment before... Gesturing for the rest of them to come in! Where is Peppino. Are the others going to believe him. Is he dreaming. What. ❝ Let's-a hang out when times aren't... like this, yeah? Erhm. ❞ Despite how uncomfortable this reunion has started, he's relieved Ronnie is OK. ❝ Wario will, ah. Give you a call. ❞

[atsukyouukuk]

I've been thinking about it a bit... I think that Scarecrow (The Chosen One here), Sazantos and Ditraina would make quite the interesting trio.

I mean, they are my favourite characters in the game, so that's one of the reasons why I want to see them interact. So this post can be seen as an analysis of those three of some sorts? Okay, it is just me rambling about them... ﾍ( ´Д`)ﾉ

I'm not the best at analysing characters, but here we go...

They all have the shared goal of protecting the continent, so Sazantos would tag along with the other two to eliminate any threats to the continent and such... Thinking about Sazantos's in-game skills, he would be able to lower light res, element and physical defense, so he definitely helps out a lot with the fights, not to mention his excellent sword-wielding skills. And healing. The Sacred flame has its uses.

So it would be a fixed little group that ventures out to fight as time passes on.

Ditraina, with all her inherited memories and wisdom might be able to sense Sazantos's darkness quite early on probably. Since she has her own worries about straying from her path after defeating her predecessor, she is quite likely going to mention it to Scarecrow and warn him about it, since she knows that Sazantos trusts Scarecrow a bit more than her, because he spent more time with Scarecrow previously (fighting side by side, etc.) and she mentions such a thing to Scarecrow because she trusts him to lead Sazantos on the correct path, just as she trusts Scarecrow to guide her if she loses her way (As seen in the final chapter of Ditraina's traveller story)

Sazantos, if he were to travel with the band, might begin to see that not all desires would be seen as inherently bad... To be frank, he must have seen quite a lot of messed up stuff even before knowing the truth of his mother since the Church would have wanted him to take up the position as Flameguard as soon as possible, so he might have started to do his duty at quite the young age. Yeah... a combination of the Church manipulating him and him seeing the worst in the people (this speculation is based off the diaries found in hell) from a young age definitely messes up one's view...

He forces himself to some degree, I believe, pushing himself again and again to protect others, exterminating evil with his azure flames because of his mother's words and the Church's manipulations... And when he finds out about the truth of his mother, some sort of belief is broken and he clings fast on the thought on believing other's hearts... Rondo and Scarecrow would be examples people he would believe in, I think, Rondo being his successor that he cares about (and also having the resolve of becoming a Flameguard) and Scarecrow wishing to protect others, his heart burning with flames as bright as Sazantos's (mentioned by Aelfric in Chapter 7 of BoA).

That is, until the accursed flame kicks in of course. Argh.

If he could travel with the band, he would be able to change his mind and befriend other pure-hearted individuals... Imagine if he learns about the nature of Ditraina's powers (I think he is most likely going to ask Ditraina about that, since she is quite unnaturally strong when perceived by others in the game). It would be really interesting! Lots of things to write about! ╰(*´︶`*)╯

One of the things I really like about Ditraina is her acceptance of what happens at her life's end, really. You will know if you have done her traveller's story. (I absolutely love her story) The fact that she doesn't let her immense power get to her head... Sazantos and Scarecrow would definitely look up to her, but they wouldn't really make it obvious, since Ditraina would show off from time to time.

Scarecrow is the person that would tie them three together. With his strong urge to protect people from harm, he would hunt, exterminating any dangerous monsters. Sazantos would occasionally join, since they share the same goal. Ditraina, on the other hand, would be more concerned about bigger threats. But of course, when the flamebringer's chosen is involved, she does join to prevent Scarecrow getting hurt. And she knows that Scarecrow knows she couldn't leave the Flamebringer's Chosen alone against threat. Which annoys her to some degree.

Imagine Ditraina just frowning at Scarecrow, speaking with crossed arms after a hunt while Sazantos heals Scarecrow's injuries with his flames.

Sazantos would be agreeing to Ditraina's points, when she says that Scarecrow should take care of himself more rather than getting hurt for trying to protect them.

Okay, a bit tired... _(:з」∠)_ Might write about them or draw them if I have any ideas...

[yumeasmrscript]

[PART 5] Going on a date with the Wizard [M4A] [Fantasy] [Neko Listener] [First date] [Cute] [Romance]

Author notes:

I’m still alive! Been busy with a few stuff, but hopefully I managed to find the time to write part 5. Next update will be for my other medieval fantasy collab series <3

As always, you can monetize with the script, and since English isn’t my first language, feel free to make edits to the scripts to make things sound better, or if you want you can change sfx and such it’s okay too!

If you haven’t read the other parts, you can find them on my scriptbin!

Hope you will enjoy part 5, se you (hopefully) soon with part 6!

Summary: After accepting the invite from the Wizard, the day has come and you go out together! Chilling together inside a comfy and warm cafe, you watch the snow falling gently, whitening the streets outside. The snowy weather also gives the perfect opportunity to create a cute and unexpected present with magic.

____________

[Action/things happening/Moods] Thinking

[Door opening, bell ringing, door closing]

[Happy] Here we are! I was really looking forward to this moment, since when you accepted my invite. Aaah, it feels so warm in here… it almost makes me want to stay here forever. [Chuckle]

True, my house is warm too, but we don’t have all of these amazing coffee and tea options. Or all of those sweets. In fact, now that I think about it, it’s been a while since I last bought a cake or something. [Excited] You know what? Before we leave, we could get one to bring with us, so we are settled for the next week!

I’ve been focusing so much on research for curse lifting, and you’ve been working hard to assist me with my shop, I’d say we earned it, don’t you think?

[Happy] Great! Well then, for now, let’s just sit over there. It’s near a fireplace, and it’s a little bit more secluded compared to other tables, I think… you might want some privacy, just in case.

[Footsteps]

[Relaxed] Aaah, it’s so beautiful in here. Oh, look, each table has a candle too! This one is… [pause, smelling the candle] ...vanilla, definitely vanilla. What a nice aroma… shall we light it up?

All right! [Finger snapping] It smells so good… don’t you agree? It gives you the same vibes of coming back home after a long journey. Do you… like this place? [Relaxed] It’s been so long since I last came here, it looks so different compared to last time. I can see the owner really cares about this place, it’s so much better compared to the past… Oh, anyway, I took this before sitting: it’s their menu.

[Page turning]

They have so many options! Wait, do they really serve this too?! Pecans aren’t so common here, I’m so happy they made a coffee with pecans too. [Slightly frustrated] Argh… now I really want to have this, but I swore to myself that I would have tried the limited edition one. I guess… [shyly] maybe we’ll come again here, together? It could be, like… a weekly date, or something. You know, like a treat for our hard work and an occasion to spend some “chilling-time” together.

I- [Embarrassed] Yes, I just called it “date” but- I mean- You know, it’s like-- [The more it goes on, the more it gets flustered and no sense] Going out together because- it’s… fun? I mean you don’t have to call it necessary “date” if- if you don’t want to see it as a date. Like, it’s not a “romantic” date. More like an “appointment” date? Or a colleagues date? B-because that’s something colleagues do. Or friends too. Because, yeah, we… are both colleagues and friends. And roommates. And-- friends can sometimes have these “friends date”, and… uh… [whispered] okay, this is so awkward. How do I get out of this mess I put myself in- Please, floor, just swallow me and let me disappear.

Don’t-- don’t laugh at me! [Pause] [Pretending to be offended] Yeah, I can see that you think it’s funny… [Pause] Oh, look! It’s snowing! [Whispering] And perfect timing, thank goodness.

[Chill again] It’s so beautiful from here. It’s the first snow of the year, I didn’t expect it! Though… hopefully we won’t freeze going back home later.

True, it’s enchanting nonetheless. Delicate, too… it reminds me of you, you know? [Chuckle] Now we’re fair. I can’t be the only embarrassed one. [Satisfied sigh].

So? Have you decided what you’re going to order?

[Excited] Ooh, I bet that’s super tasty! I’ll go for the limited coffee with caramel, vanilla and toasted almonds. I’ll go get them, please wait here for a moment.

[Chair moving, footsteps]

I said it without even thinking… but, it really feels like a date. A… “real” date with them… Why am I so nervous? It’s not like it’s the first time we went out together, and we always stay together at home to… [sigh] I must have looked like an idiot. It never happened to me, come on, get yourself together! Just… calm down, calm down. Behave like you always do. It’s just… a date. That’s what I had in mind when I invited them, after all. Saying it out loud, like that, though… well, at least they didn’t mind. That… that must be a good sign. I guess?.

[Pause, sigh]

They… truly look beautiful, leaning their cheek upon the hand like that, while they watch the snow with a dreamy and relaxed expression. I can’t believe how much close we’ve grown. Thinking that a little bit more than a month ago we didn’t even know each other, and now I… can’t imagine going back to my house and not finding them there. I wonder if… is it the same for them. Or maybe… [worried] they’re staying only because they need their curse lifted? We never really talked about it and… I’m not sure I want to know the answer. Not… now. I’m pretty sure, though… I can’t think of anyone else I’d wish to have close to me.

[Footsteps]

[Relaxed] Here it is, this one is yours and this is my coffee. [Sound of cups being put on the table, chair moving]

[Taking a sip]

Aaah, it feels so warm. It’s just the perfect drink for a cold and snowy day like this one. And it’s so sweet too! What about your? How is it?

[Happy] Oh, I’m glad you like it! It really looks delicious.

Are you sure? ...Well, if you insist, I’ll take up on your offer.

[Drinking] Wait a moment-- [embarrassed] isn’t this some sort of an indirect kiss?!

[Cough] [Kind of choking tone] I think it went down the wrong way- [More coughing] But... yes, it really is tasty! [Last cough, but still a slightly choking tone] Yes, yes, I’m okay. All good now, I can’t allow a coffee to take my life [Chuckle]. [Truly all better, hopeful tone] Would you... like to try mine too? Here.

Now that I think about it… this happened already, didn’t it? When they had to take the health potion and didn’t trust me enough to take a sip, so I had to take one first… I hadn’t thought much of it back then. It feels so different now, though.

So? Do you like it? [Pause] I know, right? It’s really delicious!

Are they… blushing? I wonder if they had the same thought. Oh, come on, why is it so awkward… I need to say something! Anything!

Uhm… [cheerful] Oh, have you ever made a snowman?

[Nostalgic, happy] When I was younger, I used to make snow bunny instead. It took less time and effort. I remember seeing a wizard in this village making one and giving it life thanks to his magic, for just a little while, but it was so adorable. I think that was the first time I felt attracted to magic, you know? [Chuckle]

Oh, I thought it was pretty common back then! So you’ve never seen a snow bunny coming alive and bouncing here and there? If you want, we can make one later. If it keeps coming down like this, I’m pretty sure by the time we get home, there will be a thick layer of snow.

[Pause]

Well, yes, it could be anything. A snow bunny, a snow man, a snow cat. [Mockingly] Do you want to make a snow cat? [Chuckle] [Pretending to be serious] No, of course I’m not making fun of you, don’t give me that look! [Laugh] [Happy, chill] But still, wouldn’t it be cute? A white, cute, snow cat. After all, today is our day off. We need to have fun and relax, and what’s a better way to have fun than making things with snow?

[Chuckle] It’s decided then.

[Excited] Oh, and… I forgot to tell you, I’ve heard about a grimoire with a lot of researches related to curse lifting, written by one of the best wizards of the past. The good news is that it uncovers a lot about curses and curse lifting, much more compared to all of the other books, so we will have a greater chance of finding a solution for your case. [Upset] The bad news is… to get it I’ll have to travel to the capital. [Slightly sad] Aw, don’t make that face. [Trying to cheer the listener] It could be your chance and I won’t be away for much. It should be just four days, the capital it’s not that far after all.

[Bittersweet] Oh, as much as I’d love for you to accompany me, I can’t let you do that. It’s getting colder and colder, it’s not the best idea to travel in this weather, plus I need someone to run the shop for me. Especially now that we’re a little bit… short on money, and unfortunately the grimoire is pretty expensive. That’s the second bad news.

[Comforting] No, no, don’t be sorry! And I don’t want your money either. It’s true that I’m buying it to help you, but it’s still something I would have eventually bought as a wizard. I’m sure you know already, but you never stop studying magic even when you’re great at spells and stuff, because when you’ve studied all the magic coming from the past, there is still so much more to uncover in the present. And before researching the present, I must study all about the past. So, don’t worry about it, okay? If you deal with the shop while I’m gone, you’re already helping a lot.

[Encouraging] Hey, it’s all right, I know you can do that. You always make perfect potions, for someone who doesn’t use magic or spells. As for the chanted amulets and spell-scrolls, I’ll deal with them in advance so you won’t have to worry. I think… we should give this grimoire a chance.

[Serious] No, I’m sorry, but… I don’t want to wait for the weather to change, I don’t want to waste precious time. I… [sad] haven’t forgotten about how you truly feel, and I promised to you that I would have worked harder. So please, let me do this. It’s not a problem for me, I assure you! And again… it’s only for four days. All right?

[Relieved sigh] Good.

[Pause]

[Happy] Well then, enough talking about work. Why don’t you choose a cake to bring home?

Oooh, nice, that seems delicious.

What- no, don’t you dare! [Confused, but gentle] I’m can’t let you buy it for us, I’m the one who invited you, so I’ll be the one paying for it.

Huh? What’s that look- hey, no! No, wait!

[Sound of wrist being grabbed, chuckle] Nope, I’m not going to let go of your wrist! Nu-uh. I can’t let you pay, absolutely not. The money you earned with your hard work… you’re supposed to use it for yourself, not for these things. I mean you’ve been helping so much with the shop and at home, and it’s only fair that I give you extras when we have them thanks to you. You’re still working for me, remember? And all of these money you’re saving up, you’re supposed to use them for something you like, not for… these things.

Are you sure? Sigh… [Happy, genlte] You’re always so stubborn, aren’t you? But… it makes me happy, really. Seeing that you care this much… too. Okay, let’s do this: since I’m the one who invited you to this, uh, date… my coffee and your drink too are on me. If you’re absolutely sure, I will accept your kind offer to pay for the cake to bring home. Do we have a deal?

Perfect! I’ll let you go now, and be right behind you. I’ll just grab the empty cups.

[Pause]

[Calling back the listener, with a “warned you” tone] Hey, only the cake.

[Sound of cups and spoons, footsteps]

Here is the rest of what we own them, and… oooh, this cake smells so good! [Excited] Shall we have a slice when we get home? Or maybe later, after dinner. Great! All right, let’s go.

[Door opening, bell ringing]

The snow it’s not going to stop soon… [worried] are you cold? I thought I saw you shivering a little bit. Hm, if you say so, okay, [Hopeful] Would it be a problem for you if we go to another place before going back home? I’d love to show you something, since it’s snowing.

[Happy] Here, come with me.

[Footsteps]

It’s pretty near, don’t worry, I wouldn’t have asked you to go there if we had to walk a lot under the snow. It’s just a minute, more or less.

[Relaxed] The village is so quiet when it’s snowing, it almost looks like a ghost town, don’t you think? But… it still brings out so much beauty. With everything quiet, everything covered in white… if only it wasn’t this cold, it would be perfect. Still, I think it’s better this snowy weather if compared to the suffocating heat of the summer. What do you think? Are you more of a winter person or a summer person?

Heh, I knew that. [Excited] Oh, we’re here!

[Happy] I’ve always loved this park, I remember once when this little lake froze, and thanks to the wizard I told you before, that made sure with his magic that the ice was stable and safe, there were kids skating on it. If you haven’t tried it yet, it’s super fun! I mean, after you go through the first struggling step of falling every few seconds. Well, that phase is also fun, but for those who watch. [Laugh]. Still, if it happens again this winter, I’d love to take you here... and skate with you. [Shyly] ...What do you think?

[Happy] Perfect! This year feels much more colder than the past one, so who knows, maybe we’ll get the chance. But... this wasn’t really the reason I brought you here, actually… come with me.

[Footsteps]

See this tree? It’s a silverleaf willow. While researching to find a remedy for your curse, I found out that this willow’s leaves are used as an ingredient for some kind of curses. Unfortunately, it doesn’t really help much with our case, but… I also found out that at the base of this willow, when it snows, if you use a specific spell, marvelous flowers can bloom. The magic helps transfer the vitality of the silver leaves to the snow that settles on them, and directly to the ground without it dispersing, thus allowing these rare flowers to blossom. Here, look:

[small pause] You first touch the silver leaves, and you let the snow melt upon your fingers. Then you touch the ground underneath, without waiting for too long, and… here the magic makes its trick. Look… it’s blooming.

[Gentle] Isn’t it beautiful? That’s the silverleaf lily. It… doesn’t really have any purpose, and it’s something that wouldn’t exist without the help of magic, but… I personally find it lovely.

I’m so happy it snowed today, so I was able to show it to you! And… here, take it.

[Happy] You know, since it’s the result of a spell, it’s not really going to wither. You can turn it into a pin for your hair, or for your clothes… I think it would look great on you either way.

Of course you can keep it! That’s… the point, after all. [Chuckle] Take it as a “thank you” for the cake. [Shyly] And, maybe also as… [small pause, slightly sad] uhm, no, never mind. I, uh… I think it’s better to go back home now. The sun will set soon, and [Cheerful again] we still have some snow bunny to make! Oh, wait, maybe you wanted to make some snow cat? [Laugh]

Okay, okay, let’s go. Let me know if you feel too cold, you can snuggle up to me if you need to.

[Footsteps]

Kitty?

[Gentle] Thank you for coming with me today. I really had a lot of fun, and I hope it was the same for you.

[Relieved] I’m happy to hear that, kitty. Really happy.

[b-blushes]

hater moment: everything happens so much + i'm so tired. and painful!

argh okay tomorrow i've gotta pick up my glasses in the afternoon BUT i booked it for after i normally lay down so should be safe to do nothing all morning and lay down if i need to and then go. and hopefully it should be so easy and everyone will be niceys and then i will be HOME once again. WITH new reading glasses so it'll take less energy to see 👍 next week the only reason i should need to leave the house is to get a haircut so hopefully will be less sick by then and also after then, due to 'only' one out of the house thing plus housework plus physical therapy (if i'm even able to do that). one thing about chronic illness is that it's is so so so chronic and also illness what's up with that! tbh! I don't wanna live like this! :( but also after THAT have more tests and then (booing for the fact that it will now be happening on the week i deliberately blocked out to rest) another drs appointment. perhaps they will have some progress for me. hopefully my tests will reflect how bad i am feeling and will mean they can authorise a new treatment that my consultant suggested a couple of weeks ago that might temporarily but quickly help things! just gotta take it one hour or day at a time i guess! there is extremely little that i can cut out to reduce the amount i'm doing now so like. this has gotta work :P but tomorrow is a new day! don't have to do physical chores like i had to today and also won't have gone out the day before so! there is hope for a nice and chill water off a duck's back onto better things thursday! :P

[forabeatofadrum]

Ljubim te (13/24)

Notes:

Me, yesterday: *making a big deal about the fact that I don’t have time to write and that it might take some time for the next chapter to come out*

Me, today: [in the tone of anyway here’s Wonderwall] anyway here’s the next chapter.

AO3 | S&C  

–  

PAT

Blaine closes his front door behind him and he slides down against it. Once he’s on the ground, he closes his eyes and he hides his head between his legs.

He couldn’t get out of Kurt’s room fast enough. He’s high on… well, it seems to be adrenaline. He was so focused on getting away that the entire bus trip to his place feels like it happened within a second. But now that he’s in the comfort of his own temporary home, time finally slows down again and he takes a deep breath.

What just happened?

Blaine knows what happened, though. He kissed Kurt. He totally, wholeheartedly kissed Kurt. Kurt, another guy. And Blaine did it because he wanted to. He wanted to know what Kurt’s lips feel like. He wanted to grab Kurt by the neck and pull him closer. He wanted it all and fuck, he still wants it.

Blaine wants Kurt.

Blaine leans his head against the door. This doesn’t make sense. He shouldn’t want this, but even though Blaine bolted out of Kurt’s room, a part of him wants to go back and kiss him more. He remembers the feeling of Kurt’s lips against his. He remembers how soft the hairs on the back of Kurt’s head are. He remembers the way Kurt kissed him back.

“Argh!” Blaine screams out.

He puts his head in his hands and he tries not to think about it, but he can’t. He wants Kurt. He does.

But he can’t.

Because he’s straight and he has a girlfriend, but not only that, but Blaine’s been low-key homophobic about the idea of Kurt and Sunil being together. And Blaine knows that Kurt is also planning on going to London to visit his ex, which pisses Blaine off too.

Wait.

Or maybe it’s not the fact that Kurt’s into men. Maybe it’s the fact that Kurt’s not into Blaine.

Blaine feels the panic rise.

He should be happy to realise that he is not homophobic, but the alternative feels somehow worse, which is a shitty thing to think, but everything about this is shitty and weird and just wrong. Everything about this is plain wrong. Blaine isn’t gay, or bi, or all the others words he’s learnt about when he saw a flyer at the queer organisation at Yale. It’s not like Blaine can really remember the flyer, because the moment he saw it, he put it away. He couldn’t deal with it for some reason.

Blaine likes girls. He’s only ever liked girls. Not only that, but he’s in a quite accepting area. He even has gay colleagues back home! If Blaine were gay, he would’ve known, right? Fuck, Blaine did theatre in high school and college. He can’t do theatre and not realise he’s gay, right?

He went to an all-boys boarding school, for God's sake. He knew gay people back then. Two of his high school friends are a couple. Not only that, but he knows guys messed around with each other in the dorms. If Blaine had wanted that, then he could've easily done that! He did notice all the attractive guys in his classes, but that was jealousy, right?

Sure, he can count the amount of girls he’s kissed in his life on one hand, and okay, he never really liked kissing them-

But he has a girlfriend!

Well, you never liked kissing her either, a voice in his head says and Blaine feels like he’s spiralling even more, because it’s true. Kissing Quinn is fine, just fine. There isn’t really anything to it. He likes it because he likes having someone close to him, but it’s not the epic romantic feeling from the movies.

Maybe that’s it! Maybe Blaine just wanted to kiss Kurt because it’s been too long since he kissed anyone.

But deep down, Blaine knows he’s kidding himself. How else can he explain the way he couldn’t stop looking at Kurt during the movie? How else can he explain that he just wanted to be closer to him? How else can he explain the fact that this was the first kiss that actually made him feel something? This wasn’t the same as kissing Quinn, or any other girl in college.

Blaine can’t really describe it, but it just made sense. It felt good. It’s as if his mind went Oh, there you are. This was the big thing he’s been looking for forever.

He’s finally found it.

And now he feels awful.

--

Quinn calls that night, as usual. The calls have decreased, since she spends most of her time with Denise, but she still calls.

Blaine turns off his phone.

--

When Blaine powers on his phone the next day, he sees that he’s gotten a missed call from Kurt as well. Maybe he should just stop answering his phone all together. He’s not ready for this.

Blaine’s slept terribly, but he still puts some effort into looking alright. He has to go back to work. He has to see Tadeja.

Maybe that’s the distraction he needs.

Blaine might not be the best at his job, but he knows how to run a business. That’s what he’s studied for and that’s why he came here. That’s what’s expected of him, and that is what he knows.

--

Things only get worse from here on. For the next three days, Blaine goes to work and ignores everything else. He doesn’t go outside for the fear of running into Kurt, which is ridiculous, but Ljubljana is a small city and he’s gotten to know it with Kurt by his side, so everything reminds him of him.

He’s stopped answering his phone. It’s a good thing that he also has a work phone, so that he can keep up to date with what’s going on with his company. Work gives him a purpose. Work keeps his mind away from what Blaine’s started referring to as The Incident. After all, that is what it was. It was just an incident.

It’s not that he can fully stop thinking about Kurt, though, no matter how he tries. Every now and then, when he’s alone with his thoughts, he remembers how it felt to kiss him, and every time he remembers it, it sends him into a spiral of confusion and guilt.

--

Of course, Blaine’s isolation cannot last.

Five days after The Incident, Blaine finds Tadeja waiting outside his office.

“Dober dan,” Blaine says with a smile, but the smile fades when he sees the serious look on Tadeja’s face.

“A certain Quinn Fabray called the office. Apparently her boyfriend hasn’t been responding to her texts and calls in days.”

“Ah.”

“As your associate, I advise you to call her back. Now.”

And Tadeja, bold as ever, shoves a phone into his hands. Quinn is on the other side of the line. Seeing no way out, Blaine goes into his office. Tadeja gives him a supportive pat on the back as he passes her, and Blaine wonders what Quinn’s told her.

Once he’s in the office, it’s time to face the music.

“Quinn?” he asks.

“Oh my God,” Quinn lets out a relieved sigh. She sounds on the verge of tears and Blaine feels an absolute pit in his stomach. “Finally.”

“Quinn, isn’t it in the middle of the night in LA?” Blaine tries to keep his voice calm. He knows he’s messed up.

“You haven’t texted! You haven’t called! I was worried sick!” Quinn yells. Blaine has to move the phone away from his ear. “I am literally about to travel to the other side of the world and them my boyfriend fucking ghosts me! What happened?”

“I… I’m sorry, Quinn. I really am.”

“Blaine, talk to me.”

Blaine tries. He needs to confess, because she’s right. It’s mid-April. She’ll be here in a few days. He needs to tell her that he cheated on her.

Oh fuck.

He cheated on her. With a man.

“Quinn, I-I… I can’t.”

It’s silent for a while.

“Who hurt you?”

That snaps Blaine out of his thoughts. Quinn’s tone’s shifted and now she’s ready to drop-kick anyone, but Blaine also feels even more guilty. His super supportive girlfriend is here to comfort him.

“Look. Quinn. I can’t tell you. I’m sorry, but I promise it won’t happen again.”

“Are you still expecting me?”

“Of course.”

Quinn is silent again. It feels like the silence goes on forever, but eventually she sighs.

“Okay. Okay. If you don’t want to talk, I will not force you. Just know that when you do want to tell me, I’m here for you.”

Blaine wipes away his tears. He didn’t even realise he started crying. Quinn is so loving and that makes all of this worse. But maybe this is what he needs. He needs to be reminded that Quinn is the girl for him.

“I miss you,” he croaks out, “I can’t wait to have you here.”

After all, once Quinn is here, everything will make sense again. Everything will go back to normal.

--

End notes: What is the saying? Denial is a river in Egypt? Oh Blaine.

But hi, yes, unexpected chapter. This was as unexpected for me as for you, but just to be clear, I cannot promise that the next chapter will be soon. It might be tomorrow. It might be next month. I am super busy with my thesis, so update schedule who? I don’t know her!

Regardless, thank you for sticking around.

[deludedfantasy]

Trimax Vol 5 Ch 1-3

These first few chapters have emotionally devastated me in new and unfathomable ways and I am not calm about it.

Ch1

Flashback time! Vash is just having a good time, playing with some kids and being a general goofball. I love seeing Vash like this, it’s a side of him we haven’t gotten the chance to see often…but it’s sobering to realize that this is all happening in July. And that the reason we haven’t seen him like this is because after July, he was never quite so carefree again, both because he was on the run and because of the guilt of what he’d done, even if he couldn’t remember all of it.

Side note: he actually has a job! In a kitchen! I don’t know why, but there’s something really heart-warming to me about the idea of Vash being a good cook. He just wants to take care of people!

These people love him and care about him! But it’s so painful because they’re all dead, and to Vash, it’s always going to be his fault. Their blood will always be on his hands. 

I think this might be the first time that we’ve seen pain actually bring Vash to his knees. It says a lot about him that he can push through any kind of physical pain, but it’s the emotions kind—the guilt, the grief—that overtakes him. But it’s Meryl, the fact that she’s in danger and he needs to save her, that brings him back to his feet and keeps him going.

Are Midvalley and Hoppred collaborating against Zazie to further their own plans? Dundundun, betrayal within the Gung Ho Guns! 

I barely understood this bit the first time I read it, but the second time through (and I assume with the Overhaul translation), it’s insane to realize that Midvalley basically sucked the noise out of a space to allow Hoppred to attack Zazie unseen and unheard. Like…that’s insane! I’m with Hoppred on this one, it’s basically magic.

Ahhh, Meryl is not doing very well :(

Ch2

I have so, so many questions that I know I’ll never get answers to. What happened to Hoppred that he’s like that? Who is this woman? Why does he care so much about her? Is she his wife, his daughter, his sister, something else? What happened to her? It torments me. 

Also, it’s nuts that Wolfwood is completely blind from Midvalley’s attack and he’s still on his feet and actually fighting with a pretty good level of accuracy. 

Midvalley straight up calling Wolfwood a demon, as if the two of them aren’t similar at all. Actually, it’s interesting to see how other people talk about Wolfwood, calling him a demon and inhuman vs how Vash talks about him, who always emphasizes his humanity. 

I love this panel of Wolfwood, with the white eyes and the looming black shape of him. It’s the perfect reflection of Midvalley’s dialogue and his view of Wolfwood. A demon, indeed.

Argh, the tension in these pages! Vash not hearing Meryl’s warning! Midvalley concentrating so hard he doesn’t see Wolfwood advancing on him! 

YES GO MILLY! MILLY TO THE RESCUE!!!

All I can say about Vash’s situation is ouch. 

Oh my God, it’s a saxophone gun.

Ch3

Midvalley calls Wolfwood a traitor and he doesn’t know just how right he is…or will be. It’s interesting that Knives didn’t let anyone else in on his orders to Wolfwood, except Legato and that was only recently. So he’s literally having one of his Gung Ho Guns kill the other ones to torture Vash. That’s some truly diabolical shit right there.

Wolfwood fighting completely blind, only using what I have to assume is his superhuman hearing, is so badass. He shields Milly even though she’s behind him and he can’t see shit and he can’t actually see where Midvalley is either. It’s insane.

OHHHHHH. First appearance of angel Vash!!! My beloved!!! 

Interesting! Vash also sprouted/shed feathers in July. I don’t remember him doing that at Fifth Moon.

Is Vash projecting his memories at Hoppred? I didn’t catch that on my first read through! Vash’s telepathic Plant powers are so interesting. This is like a step up from projecting his emotions onto the whole room from his fight with the Puppetmaster. 

The paneling is a little unclear so I can’t tell if Knives hit Vash or if he knocked him over telepathically. Either way, he knocked him out so he could experiment on him and that is many levels of fucked up. I can’t get over how horrifying that must be for Vash. He’s had his bodily autonomy taken away from him so many times, by Knives especially, and now he remembers that he had him experimented on.

Also, so interesting to me that Vash didn’t know about the existence of his powers for such a long time. I don’t know enough to say if he was outright denying the Plant side of himself, but he certainly seemed a lot more focused on being human. Meanwhile, Knives dove deep into the study of it, spending the years Vash was wandering mastering his powers. The irony of course being that Vash seems to be much, much more powerful than him. 

The entire sequence leading up to the destruction of July is masterfully done. I don’t really know what to say. It’s heart-rending. Knives is trying to show Vash what he really is, and he succeeds, sort of. Not in proving that humanity doesn’t care about him and that loving them is pointless, but that Vash is a weapon? That he isn’t human and never will be? Definitely. No wonder Vash forgets all of this. No wonder he throws himself into danger more and more often to protect people after this. He’s trying to prove Knives (and himself, to a certain extent) wrong.

I might be interpreting this wrong too, but I think Knives lost control of Vash here. He wasn’t strong enough to hold all that power back and neither was Vash. So it exploded and destroyed a city, and supposedly Knives as well (at least temporarily). 

Not me interpreting this scene completely incorrectly because I’m in denial :). Thank you to the lovely Tumblr user who emotionally devastated me by pointing out that Vash didn’t accidentally unleash his power, he was trying to kill Knives. He was so angry and enraged by what Knives was saying to him that he unleashed the angel arm, destroying July in the process. I think the problem is that after watching Stampede and the way they framed the destruction of July as Vash doing everything he could to save the city and then failing, I had a hard time reading this scene and realizing that this is not the case at all here. In a way, it was still a mistake. Vash didn’t mean to take the whole city down with him. But he did. And there was nothing selfless about his actions. Now there’s blood on his hands because he pulled the trigger. He’s destroyed Rem’s ideals and his entire idea of who he is and what he stands for. No wonder he forgets.

[shastafirecracker]

for the ask meme: 3, 18, 22?

another break for writing rambles!

3 what’s one scene you always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all the setup and context it would need? I would love to write just some smutty smutty PWP of polygun all having fun with vash’s vine tentacles but I keep being hung up by my own inability to let go of canon characterization - the fact that those vines are incredibly traumatic to vash and I have such a hard time getting him in my mind to a place where he’d be okay with even manifesting them, much less railing three people at once with them. argh! it took me however many thousands of words of the VWL post-canon AU to get to a place where I think vash is fine with feathering out and having oops-accidentally-psychic sex with wolfwood and livio. do I have to do that with vash/wolfwood/meryl/milly also?? (maybe?? i’m not saying it’ll NEVER happen I’m just saying it makes me insane)

I also have a slew of AU ideas that I know would make great 100k+ epics but like, man, that’s work, that’s so hardddd whine whine whine

18 do any of your stories have alternative versions (abandoned plotlines, AUs of your own work, alternate characterizations)? again I can’t say anything about BB fic yet, though I will! probably in december I’ll make a roundup post of discards and trivia. and I don’t think I ever have alternate characterizations, because having a strong idea of the characterization through-line is usually where my fics start. but in both Trillium & Ivy and my bb fic I have thought to myself that it would be so fucking easy to make them polygun instead of vashwood. there’s a very noncanon-to-t&i wip of the wives and the bfs having a bi4bi4bi4bi weekend getaway, which… I’m gonna hold onto because there was a polygun event interest check recently and I do like the bones of this wip, it just needs a LOT of work, so. if there’s an event it might be just the thing, idk.

T&I has the most abandoned plotlines of probably anything I’ve ever written besides my old destiel AU. modern-setting AUs have so many potential ways to get sidelined, at least for me. probably the biggest thing is that according to the original outline, the final showdown was meant to take place in like a warehouse at some docks (why? what??), zazie was going to drive everyone there because elendira sent them to get her man back safely, the WHOLE crew was supposed to go (vash, nick, livio, meryl, milly, kaite, zazie) and there were going to be? whole gun fight scenes??

this is a blatant example of what is meant by “don’t be precious with your ideas” - I wrote several thousand words of outline and then looked at all of it and said what the fuck, time to put all of this in the garbage disposal and start over. don’t be precious = drawfee’s whole bit of “delete your art.” sometimes you gotta accept not even scavenging for bits to salvage, just burn it all.

the fic is MUCH better for it

22 do you reread your old works? how do you feel about them? I do! I love them! oh it’s the tea, for me, the tea for me, the tea specifically designed to kill me, etc etc! I drift off from rereading my own fics in older fandoms often because I’m just not rotating those blorbos in my head so hard anymore, but for finished fics in my current fandom, it’s like hey wow this author wrote a fic that will push every single one of my buttons with extreme precision, because this author lives in my head and is me, lol. also, when I get a review that mentions any specific thing, I have to go back and reread that bit to extract all the dopamine from seeing it through fresh eyes and imagining how the reader interpreted it or felt about it.

[potassium-pilot]

FFXIVWrite 2023, Prompt 6: Ring

"All right, if I was a bunch of important documents, where would I be?" Dia asked absolutely no one as she stood alone in Aymeric's home study.

"Beats me", answered Ardbert in her head, the only person who could conceivably answer this question. "Only way anyone can get you to stay in place is to beat the ever-loving shite out of you, anyroad."

"You're so helpful and remind me of so many wonderful things that happened to me that I simply can't contain myself", Dia barbed sarcastically. "Now then, documents. Important government documents", she blathered on as she began her search. "That's what girlfriends are for- fetching bloody papers. Never mind the nice lunch I made for us this week. I'm the Delivery Girl of Light, after all."

"It's like we're adventuring again", Ardbert dryly remarked. "He said it was in some sort of big envelope, yes?"

"Yup. And I think..." Dia pulled one out of a pile left on the edge of his desk, "...this is it. Even has the little classified sticker."

"How important. Now then, let's get the damn thing over to him."

"Gladl--" A sight passed by her eye as she moved her head away from the desk, making her do a double-take. "Now what's this?"

Upon closer inspection, she found that a small black box sat in a spot close to his office chair. Dia picked up the box and took a closer look. "Is this a ring box?" She asked.

"It looks like one to me. Question is, is there a ring in it?"

"I don't know if I should open it. I mean really, him asking me to find some documents is not permission to snoop about his private business."

"But what if you really wanted to open it?"

"Hm. I didn't consider that. Yeah, you're right. I should open it."

Dia lifted the top of the box and revealed a ring sitting in a pillowy interior. The ring was comprised of a mythrite band topped with a rather large diamond, glittering in the light of the nearby lamp. "That's...that's a nice ring."

"Shiny, anyway. What's he doing with this?"

"I'm not sure." She tried to find context, and noticed a House Borel insignia on the band. To the right of it, there was text engraved.

May the fire in your heart warm the winter in my soul.

"Thaaaaaat's something", Dia's voice quavered.

"Dia, is this a bloody--"

"Engagement ring." She put the ring box down quickly. "Ohhhh gods, it's an engagement ring. Oh no. Oh no no no no no. Argh!"

"Well, let's calm down for a moment", Ardbert attempted to keep the both of them relaxed. "It might not even be for you."

"Who the fuck else is he going to give this to?"

"Well, I'm just saying. It might not be for any giving purpose. It might not even fit you. You'd think he'd get your ring size before he'd try that."

Dia pulled the ring from the box and attempted to slip it onto her ring finger on her right hand.

"It fits like a godsdamn glove. Ahhhhhh!"

"Okay, okay, so it fits you perfectly. We don't have to panic. Plenty of people share ring sizes. Even if it is for you, what's the worst thing that could happen if you marry him?"

"I'm not marrying him. Not now. It's the fact that I'm going to reject him that's got me all upset."

"...Dia, you cannot reject that guy."

"Oh yes I can."

"What could possibly keep you?" Ardbert demanded in disbelief. "You already live with the man, I've accidentally popped into just horrid sights from when you two are alone, you barely leave Ishgard any more."

"I'm too young!"

"You've 27 summers under you."

"I may as well have just left the crib!"

"Good gods in every heaven."

"And...I wouldn't just be his wife. I'd be his viscountess. I'd be the Lady of House Borel, and that's not who I am, Ardbert. I'm an adventurer, not a noblewoman."

"I can guarantee you that he would never ask you to be a Lady of anything."

Dia groaned. "Every time I think about marriage, I just...I get nervous as all hells. I know it's not rational, but I just-just...I can't do it yet."

She brought her focus back down to the ring on her finger and stared into it for a moment. "Though...this is a nice ring. It'd be nice to wear this around the place. I could enchant it a bit so I could teleport back to the manor as needed, provided that I find a piece of aetheryte." She laughed lightly. "I'd be able to flaunt it a bit."

As soon as she started getting lost in the ring, she snapped out of it. "No. No, I'm not marrying Aymeric for vanity." She took off the ring and placed it back in its box before picking up the envelope. "I've got documents to deliver and lunch to eat with him."

"You know what kind of couple likes to set up routines?"

"Shut up, shut up, shut up."

-------

Upon reaching the doors to the Seat of the Lord Commander, Dia knocked against the double doors.

"Who is it?" Aymeric called.

"I'm you from another dimension. Listen, I don't have much time, but you've gotta let me in!"

"Come in, Dia", he laughed. Once the doors were open, he stood up and grabbed a chair from the eastern wall. "Silly, silly girl."

"And yet, you still let me in every week. Who's really the silly one?"

Aymeric's lips pursed as he tried to keep back laughter. The chairs was placed in front of his desk and so was Dia.

"Once again, you are my hero. Thank you, Dia."

"Of course. Dia Sito Delivery Service offers 100% satisfaction guaranteed."

"Ah, what a coincidence. So do I." He smirked suggestively. Dia giggled.

"Euugghhh", Ardbert groaned.

Quiet, you.

"Ah, and you've brought lunch as well, thank the Fury."

"I did." Dia placed the basket on his desk. "I hope you're hungry. I've beef stroganoff with a pumpkin potage and Thavnairian chai for us. If you've room for dessert, I placed a peach tart in here as well."

"Scrumptious."

The two of them took their seats, Dia levitating the food to the plates and passing shares accordingly. Once the chai was poured, they took their cups and gave a small, "Cheers!" before they drank.

As the tea made its way down the hatch, her nerves seemed to settle and worry seemed to slip away. Her focus became the present. Nothing demanded either of them in this moment, aside from their hunger. Dia could just sit and watch Aymeric enjoy her food while she held a warm cup in her hands close to her heart.

Is this...what it could be like? Would things just stay the same if we...

Of course, all Aymeric saw as he looked up was Dia looking to him with a fond smile on her visage.

"Has something caught your eye?" He asked.

"Huh?"

"Is there something on my face?"

"Yeah, someone put all that gorgeous on your face. You should be more careful."

Aymeric blushed.

Oh, just tell him already!

"Actually, what I was thinking about...I saw that ring on your desk. It's beautiful."

"Ah yes. A marvel, is it not? Still in good condition after all these years. I'm certain the Pillars to Firmament Society will be utterly fascinated."

"...come again?"

Aymeric tilted his head. "I told you about this, did I not?"

"You...might have? Refresh my memory, if you would be so kind."

Aymeric placed down his fork. "A group of scholars have created an historical preservation community called the Pillars to Firmament Society and have begun documenting anything they can about this time. Seeing as I am Ishgard's first- and I pray not the last- Lord Speaker, they wished to gather what information they could about me. Alas, I'm not dead, much as I'm beginning to suspect these historians might wish me to be that they can begin pilfering through our personal belongings, so I offer them objects of some personal significance that they can record for future generations."

"Ohhhh..."

Ardbert cackled in her head.

If I could go in there and throttle you, I would!

"Forgive me. I completely forgot. So...would that have belonged to your mother, then?"

"Aye. They've been combing my house's history that they can find any crumb of information to present. I thought to present them a piece of my mother's history." Aymeric rubbed the back of his neck. "I do hope this society of theirs lasts. I was thinking of you when I heard of the formation of this group."

"Me?"

"Indeed. You're a scholar of Nym, both in the fact that you know their healing arts and that you study their history and culture deeply. I could only imagine how frustrated a scholar of Ishgard might be in the distant future if they were left with nothing of this time. I also thought about what you told me before the ecumenical council."

"The...oh, what I said about the statues."

"Yes, and your point did have merit. Through the creation of museums, we can preserve such things without erasing the horrid acts of our forefathers. I believe it to be a nice compromise, but until now, we had no one who would be qualified to act as a keeper of Ishgard's history. With the creation of an historical preservation society, we may one day be able to arrange such a museum."

Dia stared with great affection and pangs of guilt. "Well, that makes me feel bad for what I did with the ring."

"What...did you do?"

She focused her gaze to the ground beneath her. "I mayyyyyy have tried it on."

"Oh, is that all? Did it fit?"

She perked back up. "...yeah, it did. Perfectly."

"Then no harm was done. The ring was already examined. It only just returned is all"

The rest of their lunch hour passed far too quickly for either of them. Aymeric helped her clean up the mess and Dia left with a wave. He sat back down and took out an agenda, opening it to a page for the next day.

In the column for the beginning of his day tomorrow, he wrote the words, "Ask Pillars to Firmament about the size of the ring."

[therhythmafterthesummer]

Hi! I have honestly been a fan for a while, but I get so ridiculously nervous about interacting so I never do 💀 However, I do love your work🩷 wereroomies is just 🤌🏻 absolute chef’s kiss for sure. Your writing is absolutely fantastic.

Anyway, I do have just a few questions so I’m sorry for how long this gonna be. This might be totally silly to ask (and you might’ve definitely answered this before and I just couldn’t find it because I’m blind™️), but did Chris have a complete emotional come apart when he first imprinted on pretty? Like did he do it on accident as an in-the-moment type of thing and then silently freak out and pretty is just like ??? Why is he acting so strange??? I feel like he would’ve been emotional during it so was it something pretty was just completely oblivious to?

On a similar note, would Chris react the same way to marking pretty? Honestly, I’m so curious about them. I love the duo way too much🩷

Does autumn ever tell Changbin anymore about what happened at her previous pack? I know he’s definitely not one to push, but did she ever have some bad nights where all she wanted to do was just tell someone to help kind of get it off her chest? I thought about this a lot when reading Heat since stress was the big underlying factor for her.

Also, I can’t stop thinking about Lee Know accidentally rumbling??? Like, my head just kind of spirals. Wowee.

I honestly can’t wait for the rest of the boys’ stories. I feel like Han is gonna be one to just fall so ridiculously hard and fast for someone, but it’s almost completely unexpected by him that he kinda freaks out. The kind to go running to Lee Know like “oh fuck what do I do?” And Lee Know is just ??? Uh… tell them??? Just asdfghjkl he’s so cute it’s ridiculous. Seungmin I’m sure is going to act so nonchalant about falling in love with his partner and yet man is he absolutely wrecked by how much he loves them. The kind to unintentionally (but completely intentionally) do that cute ‘see if my work crush likes me and puts their hand on the counter to keep me from bumping my head when I stand up from looking in the cabinet’ trend. Ugh I literally can’t handle it. Jeongin I feel like he has to fall in love over time, but he doesn’t realize it. Everyone in the pack points it out and he’s just like huh??? That’s my bestie, what’d’ya mean??? It ends up hitting him like a ton of bricks. Honestly just ARGH I cannot wait for their pieces.

Again I absolutely LOVE your writing🩵 please lmk if I’m just completely blind and you’ve already answered these questions. I need new glasses anyway so I would not be upset, promise🩷 keep up the amazing work!✨

-🥐thoughts

so, the act of imprinting is something that happens involuntarily, actually! so it wasn't like.. Chris chose to imprint. he just... did.

he didn't know it at the time, but the moment he imprinted was the moment he saw pretty the first time when she wanted to see the flat (it happens in Alpha Dog). those three realisations of him when he saw her, were all triggered by him imprinting.

then, also in Alpha Dog, we see the exact moment he realises he had imprinted. the exact quote is:

"So it was right then, right as he looked at the soft, focused features of your face when you massaged his scalp, that he realised that the universe had really made you all for him, perfect just for him". there are a couple of paragraphs after this that also illustrate the fact. in any case, i don't think Chris particularly had a moment of panic the next day when he fully accepted that he had, in fact, imprinted. he just kind of... accepted it, but as we know from Afraid to Lose You, he simply didn't want to force that on pretty (which was a bit dumb on his part, considering that, if he had imprinted, she would've imprinted on him, too. they are literal soulmates).

as for Chris' reaction if he ever gets to claim pretty and mark her.... i guess you'll have to wait and see 👀

i do think that Autumn has told Changbin a great deal about his former pack. she's probably opened up about it only to him and the other girls at the den, but Changbin is probably the one that knows the most. and it all makes his blood boil, but he tries to not let it show much so she doesn't stress about it. he wants her to tell him these things, to let him help her carry the burden of her trauma, y'know?

Minho rumbling.... so incredibly cute. i wonder if he's ever done it out of his rut... very unlikely, but who knows 👀

i love love love your take on how the future partners of the three wolves left would be.... can't tell you if they match what i have planned for each of them, but i certainly enjoy seeing what you think ahahahha

i'm glad you like my works, bb. glad you pushed through your nervousness and decided to reach out! i really appreciate your message, you know i love answering questions about any of my AUs hahah

[inkvoices]

"sharper and more brilliant" for the WIP meme please!

Thanks for asking! sharper and more brilliant is a Marvel AU for the (first half of the) book Seveneves by Neal Stephenson - a hopepunk novel set at the end of the world that mainly focusses on a group of people on the International Space Station. By hopepunk, I mean very bad things happen and people work together with some optimism that it's worth fighting for things to be better, despite the fact that a happy ending is not guaranteed. (I started writing this fic in 2020. Is this an emotional support WIP? Absolutely.)

The original plan was a Clint/Nat/Bucky fic set in space. It is currently a sprawling multi-POV team fic with various background relationships including Clint/Laura/Nat that might become Clint/Nat/Bucky at some point. Eventually.

This one is a WIP for two reasons:

It's a research time suck. One of the reasons I love the novel is that it goes into a lot of detail about life in space and projects that into a potential future based on what is currently possible. For the fic to make sense, I need to include some of that content, but I don't want to just copy it, because no, plus the book was published in 2015 so there's been some new science and developments since then. And I love space and the ISS, and worldbuilding, so: RESEARCH. Except, I am a slow non-fiction reader and there is A LOT. But I'm learning things (like that the ISS has an espresso machine) and having fun!

It intimidates me. There are already over 20,000 words and I'm nowhere near the halfway point in my outline. If I ever actually manage to finish this thing it will be the longest fic I've ever written (by miles). The cast is huge and it's mixed POV - currently Shuri, Natasha, Clint, and Jane. And there is so. much. detail. I have to forget about the ARGH when I open the pile of notes and scroll down pages, but once I start working on it again I get sucked back in.

Snippet - near the start of the fic the crew of the ISS are called to a meeting, and Clint is introduced:

“Could’ve been a primordial singularity.” Shuri had to look ‘uphill’ in the curved room to find the speaker. “A small black hole,” Clint clarified at the blank expressions on most people’s faces. “One that zipped through space invisibly and punched its way through the moon and out the other side.” Clint Barton was an inch shy of the maximum height for a NASA astronaut with impressive arm muscles he'd mostly managed to maintain even in space, by making regular use of the ARED (Advanced Resistive Exercise Device) machine. An American astronomer, or as he liked to say ‘an observer of the universe’, Clint was the co-creator of the ‘Look Up’ series of children’s picture books with his wife. He had an approachable way of talking with people and was often partnered with Shuri for interviews and social media events. Shuri appealed to the younger crowd, but she had a habit of getting technical when excited while Clint had a way of making everything sound simple without making people feel stupid, although that could give a deceptive impression of his own IQ. He’d folded his long frame into a seat next to Natasha, leaving the seat on Natasha’s other side free for Shuri to slide into. "Where are you getting this after only four hours?" she complained. Clint winked. "By following the comment thread traffic and joining the ad hoc email lists emerging from that, my young Padawan." “Didn’t anyone ever teach you not to read the comments?”

WIP Ask Game

[psmd-lingering-shadows]

Part 2: In The Sea of Her Subconscious

…

...

...

...?

...Nngh...

...

...Hmm?

Huh? I’m awake? Did…did I wake up in the middle of the night?  Even though my eyes were closed, a confused expression managed to form on my face.  Well, this was a first.  I was having a problem with sleeping in, and now it looks like I’m having trouble staying asleep, which is kinda the exact opposite of what’s happened before.  I let out a small groan as I lied in bed with my eyes still closed.  I spent that period of time trying to go back to sleep, but to my annoyance, I couldn't manage to do it.  Not only that, but it seemed like I was wide awake at that point, too.  Come on, what gives?  Why has it been so hard to just get a good night's rest lately? Well, I guess complaining about it won’t solve anything. I just gotta deal with it for the time being, I guess.

...Well, if I'm having trouble sleeping, I could try drinking some herbal tea from the kitchen.  Pops does that sometimes when he can't sleep, and it usually knocks him out.  Even if it doesn't put me out immediately, it should still make me pretty drowsy.

Once I decided to do that, I slowly sat up and quietly cleared my throat, not realizing how dry it was until then. Then I finally opened my eyes so I could -

“…?!”

What…?

What the heck is this…?

As soon as I opened my eyes, I was greeted by an unsettling sight. Everything was…pitch black. No matter where I looked, there seemed to be nothing but complete and utter darkness. Not even the smallest amount of light could be found anywhere. I was completely shocked. I’ve never seen anything like this before. A part of me wanted to just brush it off as my eyes not adjusting to the darkened room yet, but even I knew better than to do that. Something wasn’t right.

A small feeling of apprehension started to settle in my stomach, causing me to instinctively gulp. Something was definitely wrong here. As I wondered what could have caused everything to become engulfed in darkness, I suddenly came to a realization.

…Pops! Was Pops okay?!

My eyes widened in fear when I thought of the possibility that something bad could have happened to him. It might have been completely dark, but we were still in our house, right? That meant he would still be in his room! Hoping that I was just being paranoid, I quickly called for him, hoping that he would answer.

…

…

…

No response.

Ugh…

I called for him again…

…

…

…

Still no answer.

No…no, no, no, no…

With panic slowly overtaking me, I frantically tried running towards Pops’s room to make sure he was safe. However, despite how much I ran, I didn’t look like I was going anywhere - in fact, it looked like I was running in place. It didn’t matter, though. I just kept running. The only thing I could do at that moment was to keep on running and hope that it would somehow get me out of this situation. I just kept on running, and running, and running…

…Until I heard someone call my name.

“NoZOmi…”

“…!!”

W-who was that just now? It definitely didn’t sound like Pops. No, that voice just now…it sounded…off-putting, yet somehow familiar? I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

“NoZOmi…”

Again. It called out to me again. Whenever I heard that voice, I would become more and more tense. I didn’t know why, but listening to that voice made me feel so uneasy…

“YoU muST…remEMber…”

“…?”

Huh? Remember? Remember what? What are they talking about?

I hastily looked around to try and figure out where they were, but I couldn’t see anything other than the inescapable darkness that surrounded me. Eventually, in a fit of frustration, I shouted at them, asking them what they wanted from me.

“I aM hERe…tO atONe…”

…Atone?

A confused expression formed on my face. Atone for what, exactly? What did they even do? Argh, none of this is making any sense!

I shouted at them again, only this time, I tried asking who they were.

“WhO I aM…? ThAT iS…”

They tried to speak, but I couldn’t hear them clearly. It sounded like their voice was starting to fade.

No, don’t just up and leave now! Tell me what’s going on!

“YoU…aRE…”

Before they could finish their sentence, their voiced ended up fading away completely. I called out to them, telling them to say something, but to my dismay, I didn’t get a reply.

“…”

Darn it…it looked like they really were gone. What the heck…?

I stayed still for a moment, then looked down at the ground in disbelief. I couldn’t even begin to wrap my head around what just happened. A creepy, disembodied voice appeared out of nowhere, telling me that they came here to atone for something, and then just vanish as quickly as they arrived. And even though they’re gone, I’m still trapped in this dark, empty space. How was I supposed to escape?

As I wondered what I should do next, I noticed something from the corner of my eye. Surprised by its sudden appearance, I looked up and faced the strange figure that had suddenly manifested a good distance from me.

“…?”

Uh…it was pretty far from where I was standing, so I couldn’t get a really good look at it, but from what I could see, it appeared to be a Pokémon. It looked like it was pink - and fairly small. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Pokémon like this before. And yet, despite that, they seemed oddly familiar…just like with the voice from earlier. Could they have been connected somehow?

I tried walking over to them to try talking with it, but as soon as I took one step, the strange Pokémon vanished and was replaced with a small, golden light. My eyes widened in shock, and I couldn’t help but let out a quiet gasp. It disappeared, too?! What gives?!

At this point, I was so confused, I was actually starting to get a little angry. I didn’t understand why all of this weird stuff was happening to me. It was so frustrating that I wanted to scream. I took a moment to try to calm myself down and not let my emotions get the better of me.

…

…

…

…Okay.

Having calmed down enough to focus, I turned my attention back to the light that the strange Pokémon had left behind.

…That’s when I noticed that that the ball of light had begun to grow.

“…?!”

The light kept getting bigger and bigger, overtaking the darkness that filled this empty space not too long ago. I couldn’t help but back away from it, fearing that I would end up becoming engulfed in it. However, my attempt to avoid it ended up being pointless, as the light became so big, it was the only thing I could see anymore. I ended up having to cover my eyes due to how bright everything was becoming. Eventually, the light ended up reaching me, and just as I had feared, I had become consumed by it, along with the rest of the place. I let out a frightened scream, uncertain of what was going to happen to me. Then, all of sudden the golden light that had overtaken everything around me suddenly became white. Then it disappeared, leaving everything in a stated of darkness once more. I could feel myself fading, as though I was falling asleep. And then, after a few seconds, I had passed out, overwhelmed at everything that had transpired…

…

…

…

…

“…!!!”

I opened my eyes and shot up, gasping from shock. I could feel beads of sweat rolling down my face and my body felt shaky. I was also super exhausted - it felt like I had just gone through a harrowing battle or something. I slowly looked around to see where I ended up, and to my relief, I was in my room. I also noticed that it was brighter, so I looked outside and saw that the sun was out. It…it was morning?

What…? I don’t understand. What the heck was all of that? Was it all just some wild dream? That empty world, that eerie voice, that strange Pokémon - they were never real? I mean, that seems to be the case, but for some reason, I just couldn’t bring myself to believe that. I mean, it all felt so real…

“Nozomi! Are you up and about yet, child?”

“…!”

I was suddenly snapped out of my thoughts when I heard Pops’s voice from the kitchen. A part of me instantly felt relieved knowing that he was safe. Even if it happened to just be a dream, not seeing Pops there and thinking that something had happened to him was just…it scared me. A lot.

I quickly shook my head and pushed those thoughts down. There wasn’t any point in thinking about that anymore.

I shouted back at Pops and told him that I had just woken up, causing him to grunt in response.

“In that case, come to the kitchen. Breakfast is ready,” he said.

When I heard that, a small smile formed on my face. After everything that I had just gone through, breakfast sounded wonderful right about now.

I walked out of my room and headed to the kitchen, where I saw Pops preparing my plate. I sat down at the table and waited for him to finish. When he was done, he walked over to the table and set my plate down in front of me. I took a look at the food that he had prepared, and my eyes lit up at what I saw - a fresh stack of pancakes. I turned to him and gave him a warm smile.

Pops looked at me and smiled back. “Heh. I figured I would make your favorite for breakfast today,” he said as he walked back to the counter to make his own plate. After filling it with pancakes and preparing a cup of juice, he returned to the table. Just when he was about to start eating, he heard me let out a loud yawn, causing him to turn his attention to me. That’s when he noticed the tired expression on my face.

“…You look exhausted,” he simply said, causing me to stop eating and look up at him. I gave him a small frown and shrugged. It wasn’t like it was the first time this has happened, after all. If I managed to wake up on my own, I’d end up being completely drained, like Pops mentioned yesterday.

He sighed and shook his head. “I really wish we could get to the bottom of this. Are you sure there isn’t anything that’s troubling you? Nothing at all?” he asked.

…

“I-I apologize. We already discussed this yesterday. I’m just frustrated that I can’t figure out why this is happening to you. As your guardian, it’s my responsibility to make sure you’re okay and…”

He cut himself off and looked down.

“…No, there’s no point in talking about this now. Let’s just enjoy breakfast together,” he said as he ended the conversation and began to eat his food.

I couldn’t help but feel bad for Pops. Of course he’d be worried about all of this. From his point of view, all of this stuff has been happening to me without any explanation. And there doesn’t seem to be a definitive way of dealing with it at the moment. It would make sense for him to be frustrated…

…Actually, now that I think about it, that dream I had last night…could it happen to be related to what’s been happening to me somehow? I mean, it’s not like I have any proof that that’s the case, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was, either. At this point, I’d be willing to assume that any strange thing that happens from here on out is related to all the other stuff I’ve experience already. But still…

*growl*

Wha-?

Oh, right!

I’m supposed to be eating now. I’ll think about all of this stuff later.

…

…

…

After Pops and I finished eating breakfast, I said my goodbyes to him and headed off to school. Unfortunately, he told me that we ran out of Chesto Berries a couple of days ago, so I had to settle for a normal cup of juice and hope that it would give me enough energy to get through the day. Good grief…I wouldn’t be surprised if I ended up passing out in the middle of class. Then again, it wouldn’t be the first time it would happen…heck, the other times I did pass out, I wasn’t even having sleeping troubles. I fought off my sleepiness as I walked through the village until I found myself on the school path. At that point, I picked up the pace a little to make sure that I arrived to class with time to spare. I didn’t want a repeat of yesterday, after all. When I was nearly at the school gate, I couldn’t help but let out a small grin as I saw Miss Audino greeting the other students as they walked past. If she was at the gate, then did that mean that she would be the one teaching the class today? Heh, that would be nice.

When I got to the gate, Miss Audino saw me and gave me a warm smile.

“Good morning, Nozomi! How are you doing?” she asked.

I turned to her and gave her a big grin, indicating that I was fine. …Well, as fine as I could be, considering everything that’s happened…

Miss Audino stared at me for a moment, then nodded. “I see…that’s good to hear. It looks like you managed to arrive to school much earlier than yesterday,” she said teasingly.

“…?!”

Wait, what?! How does she know about that?

“Mr. Watchog told me about how you suddenly dashed into the classroom right before the bell rang. It seems as though you caused quite the scene, though I suppose that’s nothing new for you,” she said with a chuckle.

I gave her a small pout and looked down. Other Pokémon just seem to enjoy getting on my case, don’t they?

Miss Audino kept smiling and shook her head. “I’m just teasing, dear. Anyway, I’ve held you up long enough. Go ahead and get yourself settled. I’ll be along shortly to teach the class.”

Ha-ha! Alright! I knew it!

I happily nodded at her before walking up the slope to where everyone else was. I quickly greeted everyone, then plopped down in my seat sighing quietly and relaxing while resting my head on my flipper. Everyone else briefly stared at me with confused expressions, but before I could ask them why, Miss Audino walked up the slope and approached the podium. Then the bell rang, letting everyone know that class was about to start.

“Alright, class! I have an exciting lesson planned for everyone, so let’s get right down to it!” she said cheerfully.

After everyone responded with an enthusiastic “Yes, ma’am!”, we all listened as Miss Audino taught. Well, I listened as best as I could. But it when if feels like your body’s been hit with a Yawn, trying to listen to someone speak for hours becomes pretty difficult. At the very least, it was a good distraction. It kept me from thinking too much about what Pops said yesterday…and about that strange dream. I really hope that all these weird things stop and things can go back to normal.

However, even though I didn’t want to admit it, a part of me knew that this was far from the end of these unusual occurrences. No, it was quite the opposite…

…It was only the beginning.

[racingliners]

F1 Re-Watch 2013: Round 15 - Japan

I swear I'm going to finish this before the 2024 season starts

The festive season just happened and we are now weeks away from the first launch of the 2024 cars (which bruh what is the passing of time).

So I'm keeping my pre-race blurb to a minimum, which is fine because apart from Seb winning and I think Grosjean briefly leading the race, I don't remember much.

the massive "We <3 Seb" banner in the grandstands 🥺

Okay: starting grid overview! Webber on pole, Seb P2. A win for the Martian girlies (gn). Lewis P3, Alonso P8, Jenson P10 and Jev P17

the Bernie hand puppets dvhfdjbvhfdbhsfjbhf

All bar Ricciardo and Pic starting on the mediums as opposed to the hards. (Though again this was in ye olden days when the Top 10 had to start on their quali tyre)

[Formation Lap]: oooh thermal tyre cam

and the mad dash of mechanics and engineers back to the garages

god I get whiplash now seeing Domenicali on the Ferrari garage now even though I know he was TP at that point. Safe to say I'm not enjoying him as F1 CEO

A wild Sam Bird sighting next to Ross Brawn (back when he was a Merc development driver)

cars lining up on the grid, here we goooooo

[Start/Lap 1]: Not Grosjean taking the lead way before turn 1

aaaaaaand backmarker nonsense at turn 1

nooooooo Lewis dropping down the grid

oh god Seb's saying he might have front wing damage, if him and Lewis made contact is2g

[Lap 2]: Right, top 5 is Grosjean, Webber, Seb, Rosberg and Massa

and Jenson is clinging onto P10, woo!

yup, Lewis had a rear right puncture, and now the rest of the carcass has come off 😭😭😭

He stops for the hards and his now plum last

[Lap 3]: rest of the race be nice to me PLEASE

I think the main reason why I don't remember much of this race is bc I would have watched it at my friends house bc she had Sky so it would have been 5 or 6am 🥲

argh, start reply and there's the tiniest bit of contact between Seb and Lewis but it was enough to give Lewis a puncture. pain.

[Lap 4]: And a Grosjean fastest lap for funsies

damn, Bono outright saying over the radio what Lap Lewis is pitting on, that never happens but I guess bc he wasn't in contention for the win at this point trying to hide strategy doesn't matter

[Lap 5]: Respectfully Brundle I don't want to hear you try and figure out what Seb's doing, let him cook.

Oh Lewis has floor damage too fml.

[Lap 7]: For once, Seb has listened to Rocky and has dropped to 2 seconds behind Mark

Also Jenson out of the points as Raikkonen takes P10 😭

Apart from Seb this race is currently an attack on me personally

[Lap 8]: and there's Massa being told to let Alonso by

Lewis in the pits to retire the car 😭😭😭

[Lap 9]: Jenson pits for hards, it's stupidly early so he's probably going to be on a three stop

[Lap 10]: a few other cars are pitting as well so it's probably going to be a three stop race

"Engine 21, engine 2-1" I'm having Malaysia flashbacks (that was Mark's engineer Simon Rennie)

[Lap 12]: And in pits Webber! Most likely for hards

"Button's really flying along nicely!" INJECT IT!!

and slowly the race starts to turn round for me

JENSON FASTEST LAP! STOP THE COUNT!!

I've never said anything bad about F1 ever I swear

[Lap 13]: and Grosjean pits form the lead, also for hard tyres. He also comes out ahead of Webber

so WOO Seb in the lead!

oops, Rosberg had an unsafe release. Mercedes' not good quite bad 2013 Japanese GP

[Lap 14]: "When is Vettel going to come in?" Ted sounding very concerned for Seb's strategy.

[Lap 15]: Ah, and in he pits! He also has hards on and has come out in P3

"He's having quite a scruffy afternoon." The fact that Seb being in P3 and going wide once and having one lock up shown on camera counts as scruffy is frankly hilarious. That's how good he was in 2013

(that's my goat!!!!)

Also drive through pen for Rosberg. Merc's very bad rather terrible 2013 Japanese GP.

(when was the last time we saw a drive through pen be used in current F1 btw???? It feels like forever)

[Lap 16]: Seb being 4 tenths faster than Grosjean and Mark in one sector alone, this is the good place

[Lap 17]: A Seb fastest lap 🥰

[Lap 18]: What is a polar bear (Ricciardo in a Toro Rosso) doing in Arlington, Texas? (P4)

ohhhhh he hasn't stopped yet nvm

[Lap 19]: There is a queue of at least three cars behind him however

[Lap 20]: Alonso gets past Massa, but the Ricciardo train has now gained another few cars

It goes all the way down to 10th djbhdfjbhfxb

WHAT THE FUCK Hulkenberg went down the inside of 130R and made it stick.

[Lap 21]: And Alonso gets past him on the main straight.

[Lap 23]: "Multi 3, Multi 3" What does it mean what does it all mean????

I legit hear multi-anything and my eye twitches

[Lap 24]: And a Webber fastest lap! he's either prepping for his second stop or also got triggered by the word multi and bolted

also also, Seb has to make it lap 33 to make the 2 stop strategy work

FUCK Jenson had a slow stop

When does Seb take the race lead and keep it I need it now

[Lap 25]: Like the way Grosjean is still leading and it being pretty much legit, wild

A JEV FASTEST LAP?????

Well thank you racing gods

[Lap 26]: And Mark makes his second stop bang in the middle of the pit window

[Lap 27]: Seb being told he's racing Grosjean and not Mark, inch resting

and it sounds like Lotus are trying to stretch his strategy out to the 2 stop

[Lap 28]: the gap between Seb and Romain is now 1.5 seconds 👀

"Put pressure on Grosjean" Bastard Seb about to be unleashed

[Lap 30]: and in comes Grosjean for I assume is his final stop. He takes on another set of hards and comes out in P3

[Lap 31]: Seb needs to eek out a tiny bit of lap time to have a pit stop gap over Romain, which will be slightly difficult since Grosjean is on the new set of tyres

oh god not Perez having a slow stop too. McLaren be suffering

[Lap 32]: and Ricciardo nets us our third drive through penalty of the race for leaving the track and gaining an advantage.

I've seen more drive through pens in this race than I have in the past 5 years

[Lap 33]: and now everyone bar Rosberg, Vergne and Pic is on the hard tyres

[Lap 34]: Massa gets the fourth drive through pen of the day for speeding in the pitlane

somehow my Grandma will get a drive through pen despite being 91 and not having a driving licence

[Lap 36]: Seb apparently has a new set of mediums left, interesting.gif

and his gap to Grosjean is still around 20 seconds when he needs 22 in theory, but if he's going to be on the faster and fresher tyre on the end he maybe doesn't need to have a pit stop gap to him

[Lap 37]: And Seb pits!

He takes on another set of hards and comes out in third.

"That's Grosjean in front of you, go and get him." Okay now we're going to unlock bastard Seb. Cheers Rocky.

[Lap 38]: Haven't done a top 5 overview in ages: it's Webber, Grosjean, Seb, Hulkenberg and Alonso

What is a polar bear (Hulkenberg in a Sauber) doing in Arlington, Texas? (P4)

[Lap 40]: Seb is 6 tenths behind Grosjean, with a fastest lap to boot

*jaws music plays in the background*

[Lap 41]: And Seb takes P2 on the main straight!!!!

He is 14 seconds behind Mark who still needs to stop

[Lap 42]: Meanwhile Jenson has made his final stop and is back out in 14th place 🥲

[Lap 43]: Aaaaaand in comes Mark for his final pit stop

ooh for the medium tyres! and he comes out in third place

meanwhile Jenson overtakes Sutil for... P13

so the top 5 is now: Seb, Grosjean, Webber, Hulkenberg and Alonso

ouch, Perez got a rear puncture from contact with Rosberg

[Lap 45]: Webber fastest lap

He's about 5 and a bit seconds behind Seb 👀

[Lap 46]: Alonso gets past Hulkenberg for P4!!

[Lap 47]: Grosjean barely staying in P2 going into turn 1

[Lap 48]: And still Grosjean is ahead going into the first corner

[Lap 49]: 🚨5 laps remaining klaxon!!🚨

and, you guessed it, Grosjean is still in P2. Mark just isn't getting the traction he need out of the final chicane to be able to overtake him on the main straight

[Lap 50]: aaaand now Grosjean and Webber are coming into traffic

1 on 1 battles are so fascinating to watch unfold when your faves aren't involved

[Lap 51]: The way Webber is literally on Grosjean's gearbox now

[Lap 52]: of course Webber took P2 driving into turn 1 for the drama.

It was a saucy move ngl.

[Lap 53]: FINAL LAP!!!

ahem, TV feed please show me my boy

(not that Gutierrez v Rosberg isn't important. I just want to see Seb)

There he is!!!!!

[Finish]: And Seb wins the Japanese GP!!!!!!!!!!! 🥳🍾

P2 - Webber, P3 - Grosjean, P4 - Alonso, P5 - Raikkonen, P6 - Hulkenberg, P7 - Gutierrez (in what was his first ever F1 points!!), P8 - Rosberg, P9 - Jenson and P10 - Massa

Well that was a bit of a slow burn race, but it was really fun to see the 2 stop vs the 3 stop play out and have a proper on track battle between the top 3 cars.

Next race - India 🥹