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autumnshighlady · 5 months

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I've Always Liked to Play With Fire (part 17)

NESTA ARCHERON X ERIS VANSERRA X FEMALE!READER

summary: reunion time

warnings: Night Court slander, anti Rhysand

word count: 5.9k

DO NOT REPOST ANYWHERE

a/n: i am SO SO SO SORRY FOR THE LACK OF UPDATES! It's been almost 4 months since the last chapter yikes. Life got crazy then I got into a horrible writing block and this is the first thing I've written since July. I'll admit it sucks and is definitely a filler chapter but I promise more exciting stuff to come x

feedback is appreciated, just no hate pls! these are just my opinions, i’m more curious to see how you all like the writing and characterization and storylines!

part 1 // part 2 / part 3 / part 4 / part 5 / part 6 / part 7 / part 8 / part 9 / part 10 / part 11 / part 12 / part 13 / part 14 / part 15 / part 16 /

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For the first time in weeks, your eyes open to rays of sunshine instead of cold darkness. Warm, rich scents flooded your senses, so vastly different from the stifling air of the prison cell you had become accustomed to. Instead of smelling damp, cold stone, you were greeted with the smell of fir trees and fresh air. Your limbs felt lighter, the weight of the chains that had been shackled to your wrists for ages long forgotten.The soft touch of a heavy blanket wrapped around you like an embrace, hugging your body.

You squinted at the harshness of the light, eyes not quite used to the brightness of the sun. You groaned and rolled over to get away from the luminous glow, but felt your body collide with something on the bed. After a couple blinks, your eyes began to focus on the lithe figure sitting next to you.

“Nesta…” Your voice was barely above a whisper, her name like a prayer on your mouth as she came into view. Nesta’s tall frame was seated cross-legged next to you, clad in a deep green gown with a wide neckline adorned with a lacy pattern of gold flowers. Her hands were clasped together tightly, resting upon her skirts. Her sharp face was muddled with concern, slate grey eyes hollow like her mind was elsewhere.

But they snapped into focus once again at the sound of your voice. “(Y/N)” Nesta breathed, blinking a few times as if she couldn’t believe it was truly you. “You’re awake.”

“How long was I out?” You asked, trying to prop yourself up on your elbows but failing. You let out a groan, flopping back onto the pillows like a sack of potatoes.

“Don’t try and sit up yet.” Nesta warned, gently putting a hand on your shoulder. “You’ve been out for two days. Your body has been through so much, the healers said to let you rest as much as possible.”

You took in a breath, taking in the sight of Nesta before you. A thousand emotions swelled up in you all at once, threatening to burst out and paint the room a hundred different colours. Your mate, your beautiful, strong mate had come to save you. Tears pricked at your eyes as your throat swelled up. “Nesta–” You croaked out.

“Shhh.” Nesta shushed, squeezing your shoulder. “It’s okay. You’re safe. You got out. We all did.”

You sighed. The escape from the Night Court seemed like yesterday and a million years ago all at once. “Are we in Autumn? I don’t remember getting here.”

Nesta nodded. “You passed out on Zôrzimril after we left Night. We’re in Eris’ personal residence in the woods. Beron doesn’t know you’re here.”

You glanced at the room around you, taking in the rich earthy tones signature to the Autumn Court. It was warm and inviting, a stark contrast to the cold surroundings of Night. Lucien had told you that Eris had his own, elaborate place somewhere free of his father in the court. You had never stepped foot in it, until now, but had always wanted to.

“You’re in the room I’ve been staying in.” Nesta continued, a hint of a red blush across her cheeks as she avoided your gaze. “Actually, it’s technically Eris’s–”

“Wait,” You interrupted her. “I’m in Eris’s bed? You’ve been sleeping in Eris’s bed?”

Nesta’s blush deepened. “It’s his personal residence. He doesn’t exactly have guest rooms.”

“Where has he been staying then?”

“When he’s not at his father’s palace, the couch, apparently. Don’t feel bad for him, that couch is big enough for 3 people to sleep comfortably, limbs spread out and all.”

You snorted, ignoring the fact that you were laying in Eris’ personal bed. You expected to feel a twinge of jealousy that Nesta had been staying in this room, so up close and personal with Eris. But none came. Something which surprised you, given Nesta was your mate, and mates were supposed to be territorial.

It was like a bucket of ice water was washed over you as you recalled the realisations you came to over the last few days. Nesta didn’t know she was your mate – she thought she was Cassian’s.

Estelle’s words rang in your head. Fae folk can have more than one mate in some instances. Nesta Archeron has more than one, but Cassian is not one of them.

It confused you – Cassian sure acted like a mated male around Nesta, even more so once Rhys mentioned it at the Court of Nightmares. Why would the High Lord lie about it? Did anyone else know? A million questions swarmed through you, each one louder than the last.

You recalled Nesta telling you the story of Feyre finding out about the mating bond with Rhys. How angry she was when she found out that the male had known for months and didn’t tell her. Deep down, you knew Nesta would be angrier the longer you kept it from her. “Nesta,” You began. “There’s something you need to know–”

“Good morning, my sunshines.” The smooth voice of Eris echoed throughout the room as the door swung open, interrupting you. The prince strolled in, red hair gleaming in the glow of the morning sun. He was carrying a tray, steaming with freshly baked pastries, tea, and fruits. “I see (Y/N) has risen from the dead!”

“You’re not funny, Eris.” Nesta snapped.

“I disagree.” Eris quipped, setting the tray down at the foot of the bed. “(Y/N) think’s I’m hilarious, don’t you (Y/N)?”

You snorted. “If you pass me that bacon and egg sandwich I’ll give you this one.”

Eris smirked, placing the requested item onto a gold plate and passing it to you. “Deal.”

You eagerly grabbed the sandwich, taking as big of a bite as your mouth would allow. It burned your tongue, but you didn’t care. It took everything in you not to moan as the rich flavours filled your taste buds. “This is amazing.” You mumbled.

The Autumn Prince smirked. “Well I suppose anything would taste good after being basically starved in a dungeon.”

“Seriously, Eris. Shut up.” Nesta seethed, shooting a deadly glare at him. You snorted, but couldn’t help but notice the lack of seriousness behind it. Plenty of times you had been witness to Nesta snapping at people, but this was different. Her tone didn’t have the same bite to it that it did with others – no, it was more playful. She turned back to you, eyes softening. “How do you feel?”

You shrugged. “Tired. Like I’ve just done the workout of the century and need a week’s worth of sleep. I don’t want to leave this bed for at least another few days.”

Grey eyes met amber ones as Nesta and Eris exchanged an uneasy glance. For that moment, the only sound was the rustling of the wind coming through the windows. “What?” You asked, brows furrowed.

Eris sighed, walking around the corner of the bed. He was dressed in a simple red shirt with loose sleeves, the top slightly unlaced and exposing the pale skin underneath. Very rarely had you seen the prince dressed so casually. He grabbed your ankles through the thick duvet, lifting your legs up slightly and moving them to the side to make space for him to sit across from Nesta. Eris kept his hands on your legs, gently squeezing them.

“You’ve survived a lot of hard things lately, (Y/N).” He said slowly. “And you’ve overcome one of the most difficult parts. But I’d be lying if I said it was going to get a lot easier.”

A lump formed in your throat. Truthfully, over the past few weeks you hadn’t even thought about the possibility of what life would be like if you escaped Night and got to Autumn. There were still dozens of factors to consider, all of which you had given up on figuring out solutions to.

“I have to explain to my father how and why you are here, which will be difficult.” Eris continued. “He already blew a fuse over Nesta’s unexpected arrival. It is likely a second unexpected arrival will be even worse, and he will not take it lightly.”

You shifted in the pillows, running a hand through your hair. Surprisingly, you weren’t met with the knots and tangles you expected from not being able to brush your own hair for weeks. “Your father will hurt you, won’t he?” You said to Eris.

He hesitated before speaking. “Let me worry about that, my dear. We need to convince my father there’s a good reason for you to stay. I’ve already used the marriage card on Lady Nesta here, so we need to figure out something else.”

“What about my…” Your words trailed off as you tried to think of a word to describe what exploded out of you during the escape. “Magic?”

Eris shook his head. “Not an option. He cannot know about that.”

“Why not? Surely he’ll find out eventually?”

“Likely not. Rhysand is not stupid enough to let slip that he let someone with that kind of ability escape his court. And I have reason to believe Tamlin will stay quiet about it as well.”

“Speaking of that kind of ability,” Nesta interjected. “What even was that? I didn’t know you–”

“Yeah, me neither.” You said, locking your fingers together and twirling them around. You lowered your head, avoiding their gazes. “Something…. something happened when I was in there.”

Eris cocked his head, eyes burning with curiosity. “What happened?”

Nesta grabbed your hands, unlocking your clammy fingers and lacing her own between them. She shot a fierce look at Eris. “She doesn’t have to talk about it now.” She hissed.

“Yes, Nesta, she does.” Eris said calmly before turning back to you. “I wish we had more time to let you rest, I really do, but I need to know what happened before I can figure out what story to spin to my father.”

You let out a sigh. “Why can’t we just kill him first so we don’t have to deal with all of this?”

Nesta snorted, earning an eye roll from Eris. “As much as I would love to be rid of my father,” Eris said. “We have to wait before we take him out. There are things that need to be properly aligned, and it takes planning.”

“Haven’t you been planning?” You fired back. “I mean, plotting and scheming is all you do in your spare time, isn’t it?”

A smirk formed at the edge of Eris’s lips. “The officials in this court need to see Beron accept you and Nesta if they’re going to accept you. We risk a coup if we kill him before then. Now, tell me what happened while you were in that cell.”

Nesta’s steady hand on your weak one evened your breathing slightly. You tore your gaze from the pattern on the sheets and you drank in the sight of her as if it could slip away at a moment's notice. She looked stronger, healthier than she had in Night. She carried herself more confidently, less stiff and rigid. She looked more comfortable in her own skin, something that filled you with pride. But also sorrow – sadness at the fact you hadn’t been there to witness this change.

And so you explained everything – the vision you had, the conversation with Estelle, what happened that day Hybern came to your village. Nesta’s face was twisted with confusion and awe as you went on, whereas Eris’ expression was unreadable.

“But that wasn’t everything.” You murmured, heart beginning to race as you prepared to explain the part you dreaded most.

“There’s more?” Nesta asked, eyes wide. “You’re telling me you’re the Mother incarnate, and there’s more than that?”

Tears pricked at your eyes once again. These next few words could ruin everything. You knew Nesta hated the idea of mates, the concept of being shackled to someone just because a higher being thought you’d produce good offspring. Nesta already had to process what Rhysand said about Cassian being her mate, and you were about to make it a whole lot worse. You couldn’t stop those tears from spilling down your face as a sob left your body.

“Hey…” Eris spoke softly, reaching out to brush one of the tears off your cheek. “It’s ok.”

“(Y/N)?” Nesta’s voice was cautious, laced with concern.

“You’re my mate.” Your voice shook as you dragged the words out. You fixed your gaze on the sheets again, not wanting to see Nesta’s reaction.

“What?” She said quietly.

“Cassian isn’t your mate,” You said, more steady this time. “I am. Estelle said fae can have more than one mate, but Cassian is not one of yours.”

For once, not even the wind rustled in response. It was as if the world had gone quiet. You could feel her surprise, like a rush of cold water surging through that link between you two. You tried to reach her through the bond, to get a sense of what else she was feeling, but you were met with a stone cold wall.

Nesta. You tried. But she had shut you out, eyes vacant as she took in the information. Wordlessly, Nesta removed her hands from yours. Your skin cried out at the loss of warmth, missing the contact already. She uncrossed her legs and climbed off the bed before leaving the room, slamming the door behind her.

A sob wracked your body again, harder this time. Wet droplets appeared on the sheets as tears rolled off your face, and you buried your head in your hands. Even after everything you’d endured, this was somehow the worst.

You felt a shift on the bed as Eris scooted up closer to you. “It’ll be okay.” You heard his voice murmur in that scarce gentle tone.

“You don’t know that.” You choked out. One of your fears had come true. Everything you and Nesta had built up over the last few months – the quiet friendship, the few sacred kisses you shared that set your entire body alight, the easiness during training with Gwyn and Emerie, it all came crashing down. Whatever she had felt for you mattered now, she wouldn’t want to be shackled even more than she already has.

“When you were asleep, Nesta spent hours untangling your hair.”

You lifted your head from your hands at Eris’ voice, meeting his soft gaze. “It was a mess,” He continued. “Took her the entire afternoon. But she was so gentle, and not breaking a single strand. She didn’t take a single break, and even after she was done she remained by your side until the sun came up. I set up the couch for her, but she insisted on sleeping next to you.”

Eris gently touched your hand. It was warm against your skin, which you felt was still thawing from the cold of Rhys’ dungeon. “Nesta has had a lot to take in the last few weeks, as you well know. I’ve been training her powers, but my father has insisted that a demonstration of her magic be made before the marriage is to happen. I have no doubt that–”

“Did you know?” You blurted out before the prince could finish his sentence. It was a question that had been niggling at the back of your mind since you found out Nesta was your mate – Eris had a knack for finding out things long before others knew. You had no doubt that the second he found out about the spell you and Nesta cast, he had delved into hours of research trying to figure out as much about it as possible. He was a clever male, one who fought with knowledge and scheming rather than brute force like Cassian.

Eris was silent for a moment before speaking. “I suspected. There were too many unknown factors to bring it up, I wanted to be sure before I told Nesta. I found old manuscripts dating back thousands of years – the text was faded, but it went into more details about the specifics of the spell between Estelle and Jayana. There were too many parallels between it and the mating bond. I figured the only explanation was that a mating bond had to already be in place for the spell to truly link.”

You sighed. If Nesta found out that Eris might have known as well and kept it from her, she would be even angrier. “Eris, Nesta doesn’t trust easily. You should have told her this the second you got the idea in your head. Now she’s going to be pissed at both of us.”

“She’s not pissed at you, my dear.” Eris gently stroked your hand with his thumb, the movement so small it was almost undetectable. “Give her a few hours to process. Then we can all sit down and figure out what to do next, okay? Now rest for a bit longer, you need to get your strength back.”

You nodded, heart aching at the image of Nesta storming out of the room. Laying back, you settled back into the plush bedding, wishing it would swallow you up whole. Eris reached down and pulled the duvet closer to you, gently tucking you in. “Sleep well, darling.” He whispered. Before you could process it, Eris leaned forward and pressed a kiss to your forehead. Your skin tingled at the sensation, still feeling like it was slowly thawing from the cold of the dungeon.

There was so much more you wanted to say, a thousand questions you wanted to ask Eris, but the prince retreated as quickly as he came leaving you to sleep. Your eyes fluttered shut as you drifted off again, heart aching at the absence of Nesta’s presence.

*********************

A few hours later, you smoothed your hands over the skirts of the dress Eris’s servants had laid out for you. It was a rich brown colour with a square neckline and loose sleeves -- elegant, yet comfortable. You had no clue where Eris had been pulling this wardrobe from, but that was besides the point. Grogginess continued to plague you, although less so than before. Even with your fae healing, it would take a while for you to return to your full strength – something you had Rhysand to thank for.

Your hands curled into fists, nails scraping through your palms as you thought of the High Lord of the Night Court. A sick feeling curled in your gut as you recalled his smug face as he sent his dark powers slicing through your skin. Every time you closed your eyes, you were back in that dungeon, chained up and helpless against the male. You hated it, hated him. You hated how much his slimy face crossed your mind, how the faint scars along your wrists would never truly fade. Your mind flashed with memories of riding atop Zorzimril, burning down Rhys and Feyre’s many castles, the orange flames lighting up the night sky as you burned and burned them. You’d be lying if you said that didn’t make you feel better.

Shaking your head as if to push memories of Rhysand out of your mind, you wandered towards the door on unsteady legs. As the door swung open, you were greeted with a long hallway lined with elegant torches. You looked back and forth, unsure which way to go. You didn’t even know Eris had this residence, let alone how to navigate it. But then you felt something, a slight pull deep inside of you that urged you to go left. Aimlessly, you followed it, wandering down the hallway before coming to a beautiful wooden arch that marked the entryway into the living room. In awe, you scanned the space before you. A series of couches and armchairs were placed around the room, some by a fireplace and some by the high bookshelf that stretched all the way to the ceiling. It was decorated in rich autumnal colours, the scent of cinnamon and apple cider filling the air. It had a modest dining table and three chairs, and a set of doors that seemingly led to a pathway outside.

Nesta and Eris occupied two of the chairs, sitting across from each other in silence. Eris was humming quietly, writing something down on a piece of parchment. His red hair looked more orange in the candlelight, and was braided loosely. Nesta sat stoically, staring into nothing. She had a cup of tea in front of her, but no steam emitted from it. Clearly she had been there a while, tea untouched. Her face was grave, but her head whipped to face you as you stepped through the archway.

You wanted to throw up with nerves. You had always been able to read Nesta’s expressions until now. Her face was contorted with a mix of emotions, passing so quickly between each one it was impossible to tell what they were. My mate, my mate, my mate, rang like a war bell in your head so loud it threatened to drown out any sounds from the outside world. You felt the bond in your chest swell in her presence, stronger than anything you’d felt before. There was no denying it – Nesta was your mate.

“May I join you?” You finally managed to ask through a dry throat. Nesta said nothing and just kept staring at you.

“By all means,” Eris piped up, setting his pen down. “Come join the party. We’re having a grand old time here, aren’t we, Nesta?”

You expected Nesta to roll her eyes or snap at him in that playful manner, but it was as if she didn’t even hear Eris. She just kept looking at you as if she wasn’t sure if you were really there. You carefully walked over, taking a seat between Nesta and Eris at the head of the table where the remaining chair was. Her grey gaze followed you the whole way.

“What have you guys been up to while I was out?” You asked.

Eris sighed. “Well, my dear, I informed Nesta of what I began to suspect regarding the bond. She tore me a new one for not telling her, it was very dramatic. So now we’re sitting in silence trying to figure out how to address the elephant in the room.”

You didn’t say anything, just stared at the lines in the wood of the table. You felt frozen – afraid of saying the wrong thing. Nesta had never wanted to be fae, and you knew having a mating bond must make that worse for her. It would make her even more shackled to this life she didn’t want, chipping away at her remaining humanity piece by piece. Sure, you and Nesta had kissed a few times and there was feeling behind it, but that didn’t mean she wanted you as a life partner. And even with that, Estelle had said Nesta had multiple mates. If Cassian was not one of them, then who was?

Eris’s sigh broke your thoughts. “By the Mother, you two are stubborn.” He huffed. “Let’s look at the facts, shall we? Nesta, (Y/N), you are mates. I suspected it a few days after I found out about the spell you two cast, as it needed an already existing bond to latch onto in order to work. But then things get complicated. Somehow, Rhys is wrong about Cassian being Nesta’s mate. Either they’re the best actors I’ve seen, or there is something linking Nesta and Cassian.”

You saw Nesta’s throat bob at the mention of Cassian. Trying to figure out how he was connected to Nesta hurt your brain.

“I felt something with Cassian,” Nesta said tensely. “Not in that way, but I could feel what he felt as if part of him lived within me. How is that not a mating bond?”

The prince shrugged. “I have no idea, honestly. There’s something strange going on there. However, none of that matters until we deal with my father. I am set to marry Nesta, which puts us in an awkward situation. If Nesta pleases my father with her powers, then she is to be wed to me.”

“When is that supposed to be happening?” You asked. You weren’t sure how you felt about Eris and Nesta getting married. Part of you was jealous, resentful at the idea of Nesta marrying someone else. But there was another part of you that felt differently in a way you couldn’t explain. Like you were being left out not just from Nesta’s life, but Eris’s too.

“Tonight.” Eris said gravely.

Your blood froze. “Tonight?”

“Yes. And no offence my dear, but you complicate things. Because now I have to explain to my father why you are here too and why I keep letting in strays.”

You snorted. “Beron’s going to kill me. I think you already pissed him off by letting Nesta in here without his permission. I’m not even half as valuable to him as she is, we both know he won’t have any use for me.”

“I won’t let that happen.” Nesta finally spoke, her voice fierce. You turned to face her and were met with her silver eyes. They stared into you, swimming with a thousand emotions.

“Whatever happens, Beron won’t touch you.” She continued evenly.

“We just have to play the angle right.” Eris said, crossing his arms and resting his elbows on the table. “You spied for Rhysand, correct?”

You scoffed. “Well, technically–”

“Yes, you did.” Eris interrupted sternly. “You spied for Rhysand, and then you found out what he was planning and tried to flee. He’s been hunting you down, and I found you at the Autumn Court border. That is the story we are going with.”

“What exactly did I find out that made me flee?”

“That he’s planning on becoming High King with Nesta’s Made sword.”

“Beron won’t believe that.”

“He will because it’s true.”

Your heart fell into your stomach. “What?” You spoke in a whisper, mind reeling in shock. The thought of Rhysand using Nesta’s weapons and declaring himself as High King over all of Prythian made you want to throw up.

“Based on my intel, the lovely Amren has been trying to convince him to go down that path.” Eris explained through gritted teeth. “Apparently he refused at first, but I strongly believe that with you and Nesta both having fled his grasp, he will reconsider his stance to get you back under his control.”

“If Rhysand was High King then he’d have dominion over the Autumn Court,” You muttered. “We would be right back where we started.”

Eris nodded. “But we can use this. My father would do anything to make sure that didn’t happen, overlook anything. If you inform him of Rhysand’s plans, he’ll want you on his side for more intel.”

“Would Beron really be so quick to trust someone who’s supposedly betraying their own court?”

“My dear, Rhysand locked you in a dungeon. That part we don’t have to lie about. We just have to twist the reasons why he locked you up. But truthfully, I think my father will be so distracted by the intel he won’t care about anything else.”

You chewed on your lower lip with worry. It was a big gamble, and while Eris was clever Beron was still unpredictable. So many things could go wrong so fast, and the last thing you wanted was to end up in another dungeon. The thought of doing so made you want to curl up into a ball.

As if sensing your discomfort, Nesta placed her hand on top of yours. It was warm, such a difference from how frail and cold her hands were in the Night Court. “It’ll be ok.” She murmured.

You smiled softly, relaxing instantly under her touch.

“And that’s my cue,” Eris announced, gathering his papers and standing up. “I suspect you two have much to discuss alone. I must go ensure everything is prepared for dinner with my father tonight. I’ve left instructions with the servants on how to get you ready, and I will be by to collect you both at five o’clock.”

He strode towards the archway, but paused briefly. Amber eyes landed on you and Nesta again, all playfulness gone. “I have done my part, and will do whatever I can to ensure your safety.” He said gravely. “But do not forget that you both have roles to play, and we all risk our heads if you fail to do so. And if you have any thoughts about betraying me to save your own skin, Beron will no longer be the one you need to fear from my family. I will throw you both to the wolves without hesitation if you think about dragging me down with you.”

With that, the prince left, leaving you and Nesta sitting in silence. Eris’s words stung you a bit, that he thought you would even think about betraying him. But Eris had been playing this song and dance with his father for centuries, and at the end of the day no matter how much he’d helped you, he’d always look out for himself. It was something you were aware of when you planned this, and you mentally kicked yourself for ignoring it.

The few minutes after Eris’s departure were filled with silence. No birds chirped in the windowsill, no breeze rustled the branches. It was as if the world had stopped, waiting on the edge of its seat for you and Nesta to speak.

Truthfully, you had no idea what to say. How could you comprehend what Nesta felt when you didn’t even know how you truly felt? A part of you had always loved Nesta, but were those your true feelings or just the mating bond? All those tender moments, the stolen kisses, the soft touches, would they have happened if the mating bond wasn’t already there? The thought of your connection with Nesta stemming from magic rather than your true feelings made your heart hurt. You had never wanted a mating bond, yet here you were.

Finally after what seemed like an eternity, you found the courage to speak. “What’s going on in that head of yours, Nesta?”

Nesta took a deep breath, fiddling with her fingers for a minute before answering. “How a few weeks ago I was ready to burn down the entire Night Court to get you back. How every second you were in that dungeon I was here, living comfortably. How every time I closed my eyes I saw glimpses of darkness, how I felt your fear. How all that time, I thought it was the spell allowing me to feel those things. I never could have imagined…”

Her voice trailed off, as if she was afraid to even speak about the bond. “Me too,” You replied. “Look, I know things are hard for us right now. And you don’t have to accept the bond if you don’t want–”

Nesta sharply cut you off. “I didn’t say I didn’t want to accept it. I just don’t know what to believe right now. Estelle said Cassian wasn’t one of my mates, but I swear I felt a bond. Was she wrong about that? And does that mean she was wrong about us?”

“I can’t speak for Cassian, but I don’t think she was wrong about us. And I think you know it too, Nesta.”

Nesta looked up at you, grey eyes brimming with emotion. You felt a gentle tug at the bond and inhaled sharply. She smiled softly at your reaction, confirming everything she needed to know.

“Nesta…” You breathed her name like a prayer on your lips. Tears filled your eyes as you admired that tender smile.

“I’m sorry for running off on you earlier.” She said quietly. “I just… I didn’t expect it. But the more I thought about it, the more sense it made. You, being my mate. After everything that happened between us…”

You sniffled, trying to hold back more tears. “But was all of it real? I mean, if we were mated the whole time, did everything happen between us because of the bond, or because of us?”

Nesta blinked slowly. “It was real to me.”

“Me too.”

You stroked Nesta’s wrist with your thumb, rubbing it in circular motions. You felt like you were going to explode, feeling everything both you and Nesta were experiencing at once. All you wanted to do was sit here and stare at your beautiful mate, forgetting about everything else. To let the rest of the world fall away beneath your feet as long as you could stay in this moment forever.

But realistically, you knew you had to face the challenges. “What about Eris?” You asked quietly. “You’re supposed to marry him, where does that put us?”

The Archeron sister bit her lip anxiously. “I don’t know. I’m sure Eris and I will be free to see whomever we wish as long as we are discreet and are able to maintain our image.”

You laughed humourlessly. “So then I’d become your mistress.”

“That’s not what I want for either of us. But I don’t see another way right now.”

You tried not to let it sting. You weren’t stupid – Eris marrying Nesta was necessary in your plan, but that didn’t make it any easier. Especially now that you two were mated. The thought of simply being your mate's secret mistress made you feel slimy and ashamed. “How do you feel about marrying Eris?” You asked tentatively.

Nesta shrugged, but a faint red stained her cheeks. “It’s a smart move. It makes sense. And he’s not the worst male I’ve met so I think I’ll live.”

You chuckled, causing Nesta to glare at you. “Your face is red, Nesta. Admit it, you like him.”

“I don’t. He’s insufferable.” Nesta’s face only grew redder as she looked away.

Your laugh only grew louder. “Liar.”

“Fine!” Nesta snapped. “I’ve spent a lot of time with him in the last few weeks and he’s grown on me, ok? Does it not bother you as my mate for me to admit I like him? It feels wrong. I’m mated to you, not him.”

“No.” You answered honestly, which surprised you. “It doesn’t bother me. He’s charming. Besides, I’ve had a crush on him since I was like twenty, so…”

Your voice trailed off with embarrassment as you realised what you had just admitted. You had never told anyone about your crush on Eris, and had been determined to die with this secret. Your face went red, and Nesta burst out laughing.

“Look whose face is red now?” She teased.

“Shut up.” You mumbled, burying your face in your hands. “If you ever tell him I said that I’ll strangle you.”

Nesta snorted. “Oh, please. He’s Eris. He probably already knows.”

You groaned, banging your head into the wood of the table a few times. It was strange and yet comforting to know that Nesta liked Eris. You expected a mately surge of jealousy and possessiveness, but none came.

After a few more minutes of laughter, a comfortable silence took over the room before you each chose a book from the shelf and began to read. The hours began to pass by, and you stared at Nesta as she flipped through the pages, how beautiful she was with the autumn glow upon her. You wanted to memorise every inch of her features before the dinner with Beron tonight, the thought of which made your gut churn.

It was a quarter to five when the shuffled footsteps of four servants came into the room. It was time to prepare.

taglist (comment if you want to be added): @queercontrarian @kitkat-writes-stuff @moonfawnx @sevikas-whore @weird-and-wise @jemandderkeinenusernamenfindet @kingshitonly @ladyofcherries @eerievixen @readingwritingwatching @peacecoffeeandflowers @a-frog-with-a-laptop @shadowqueen25 @lana08 @highladyofillyria @rachelnicolee @ladespedidas @little-darlingo @manonblackbeakquidditchteam13 @demirunner @terorovaerangi @hauntedandhopeful @younxii @microwaveallthedemons @fanfictioniseverything @lovra974 @maddietheshoe @peaceandcrackers @emy1-9 @lostinfantasyworldsbi @issybee0611 @thoughtfulshepherdmongerkid @belledawnidk @whhyyynottt @dream-alittlebiggerdarling @littlebbb @piceous21 @sevendeadlyshins-blog @searchingford @marigold-morelli @thesapphiclibrarian @nikovasbitch @chasing-autumns-chill @

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betterthanburrow · 10 months

Text

Mr. Quarterback and Ms. Songbird - Instagram AU

(LSU Quarterback! Joe Burrow x Songwriter! OC)

liked by joeyb_9, and 1,075,250 more users

yourinstagram: i know i released my debut album a few months ago, but i’ll always be writing new song ☁️

tell me what your top 3 songs are from the album!

view all 590,721 comments

yourmom: Track 1, Track 5, and Track 11.

↳ yourinstagram: good choices mom!

username1: Track 3, Track 4 and Track 7!

yoursister: Track 10, Track 11, and Track 12

↳ yourinstagram: do you only like the songs on the album that you are featured on/are about you?!

↳ yoursister: yes!

username2: i need you to release this song now… and my top 3 songs are Track 1, Track 9, and Track 13!

joeyb_9: Track 2, Track 6, and Track 8 (and this new song is so beautiful Ms. SongBird)

↳ yourinstagram: that’s a good top 3 list (and thank you for the compliment on the song Mr. Quarterback)

liked by yourinstagram and 569,001 more users

JBURROW_DAILY: LSU Quarterback Joseph Burrow revealed during his interview with Sports Center that the album he has on repeat right now to help him prepare for the National Championship Football Game against Clemson is Y/FN Y/LN’s debut album.

view all 202,895 comments

username1: i don’t know who this man is because i don’t keep updated with football stuff… but he sounded so cute and shy when he started talking bout Y/FN’s debut album, his favorite songs of hers, and how he needs more new music from her soon.

username2: i think the cutest part was when the interviewer asked if he would be attending Y/N’s sold out concert in Baton Rouge (which is happening only a few days before the football game) and all Joe could do was blush and smile 🥹

username3: i wonder if Y/N and Joe know each other because Y/N has been living in Louisiana these past few years… and obviously Joe goes to school at LSU.

↳ username4: i just checked… and they do follow each other on instagram, so maybe they’re friends and he’s just supporting her album by giving it promotion?!

liked by joeyb_9, yourmom and 955,240 more users

yoursister: good things come in threes!

view all 557,290 comments

yourmom: my beautiful daughters 🖤

username1: i can’t believe i got to see Y/N and her little sister perform their collaboration song LIVE!

↳ username2: i need Y/N’s sister to release her own album soon and not just song covers!

↳ yoursister: one day it will happen!

yourinstagram: 🤍🤍🤍

liked by 585,107 users

Y/FN_WORLD: THIS WAS POSTED AND IMMEDIATELY DELETED BY Y/N’S LITTLE SISTER?!

view all 337,980 comments

username1: WAIT… IS THIS REAL OR A PRANK?!

↳ username2: IT’S REAL… THIS IS MY SCREENSHOT!

username3: EVERYONE ON TWITTER IS SAYING ITS JOE BUTROW AND I THINK THEY’RE RIGHT!

username4: DID Y’ALL SEE THE THREAD ON TWITTER THAT GOING VIRAL OF THE “PROOF” OF Y/FN AND JOE DATING?!

↳ username5: WAIT I DON’T HAVE TWITTER… WHATS THE “PROOF”?!

↳ username4: someone made a thread explaining how Joe and Y/N have been interacting publicly on social media lately + how they have nicknames for each other (Mr. Quarterback and Ms. Songbird) and how Joe acted in the Sports Center interview when talking about Y/N, her music, and when talking about going to the concert (a lot of people on Twitter that attended the concert are saying that he was at the concert but there aren’t any pictures or videos of him yet.)

username3: i wonder if Y/N and Joe were planning on making their relationship public soon since they had started interacting with each other on social media?!

username6: i know that everyone is surprised but since Y/N’s little sister deleted the story i think it’s clear that understand that it was possibly for Y/N little sister’s close insta-story and not for the public to see… we know that Y/N’s little sister would never purposely expose Y/N’s privacy so i hope she’s doing alright and doesn’t blame herself for this mistake.

username7: if it really is an honest mistake that Y/N’s little sister made… let’s hope Y/N isn’t mad at her because the last time someone close to Y/N exposed information about Y/N’s quiet life, she was very mad.

liked by joeyb_9, and 1,785,009 more users

yourinstagram: after-concert vibes 🦋🎤

view all 495,242 comments

yourmom: you’re a gorgeous angel!

username1: if the rumors are true… Joe is a lucky man.

yoursister: tonight was a fun night! (i’m also letting you know now that i will be borrowing the dress)

↳ yourinstagram: last time you borrowed one of my dresses… i never saw the dress again so no!

username2: so… we’re not going address the elephant in the room 👀

joeyb_9: it was a fun concert Ms. Songbird!

↳ yourinstagram: i’m glad you enjoyed it Mr. Quarterback

liked by yourinstagram and 609,745 more users

joeyb_9: Lots of setbacks, disappointments, and failures along my journey. Injuries, position battles, transfer, through all of it I just kept my head down, worked, and tried to get better every day. Now.... I am a Champion.

view all 130,769 comments

lahjay10_: 🔥🔥🔥

LSU: #9 on the football field, #1 in our hearts 💜

mamaburrow: i’m so proud of you and the team!

yourinstagram: congratulations on the victory, you deserve all the success in the world Mr. Quarterback!

↳ joeyb_9: thank you for the kind words Ms. Songbird.

liked by yoursister and 2,001,909 more users

yourinstagram: Mr. Quarterback and Ms. SongBird.

view all 899,245 comments

joeyb_9: i love you Ms. Songbird 🤍

↳ yourinstagram: i love you too Mr. Quarterback 🤍

Author’s Note:

this is the first official “LSU! Joe Burrow” Instagram AU! i’ve had this Instagram AU in the queue for so many months and im glad that the IG AU finally being published!

if you want to request an Instagram AU, send the IG AU request to my Inbox and i will try to get the Instagram AU request published as soon as i can.

thank you all for the love and support! 🤍

#Joe Burrow #NFL #CFB #LSU Tigers #Cincinnati Bengals #Joe Burrow Fanfiction #Joe Burrow Fanfic #Joe Burrow Fic #Joe Burrow x Reader #Joe Burrow x OC #Joe Burrow x Y/N #Joe Burrow Instagram #Joe Burrow Instagram AU #Instagram #Instagram AU

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goodgirlofglory · 3 months

Text

In the balance - Chapter 9: the world in the balance

Chapter 8

/Masterpost/

Pairing: Dark!Steve Rogers x reader

Word count: 6,1k

Warnings: non-con (series), dub-con (series), descriptions of ptsd symptoms, panic attacks, descriptions and references to past psychological, sexual and physical abuse

Summary: your world is suddenly turned on it’s head when Steve leaves you in the care of his best friend to go hunt your attackers down. You just have to get through it until Steve returns, but that can prove difficult when Bucky starts to prod into you and Steve’s relationship...

Note: First of all, it’s been a year since i last updated this story and it’s been a bitch. I'm starting to see the ending approach though, which is great cuz im looking forward to write it🥰 For those of you who have been consistently commenting on how you were looking forward to the next chapter - THANK YOU! You guys kept me going<333 Hope you enjoy🦋

Your media consumption is your own responsibility, but I advise you not to interact if the contents of the warnings upset you!

Minors DO NOT INTERACT!🚫

Reblogs, likes, replies and asks are amazing💖

You stared out of the floor to ceiling window, vertigo sloshing in the back of your head as you peered down at the gridwork of roads and flashing lights, the cars and people looking like ants from all the way up here in the clouds. You wrapped the blanket tighter around yourself, fighting the nausea down.

A broad hand suddenly clasped around the back of your neck and you jolted.

“Whoah there, it’s just me,” Steve said as he gave your neck an affectionate squeeze. He stepped up behind you and wrapped you in his arms, his big, warm hands sliding down to stroke lovingly over your swollen belly. It was getting heavier for each day that passed, and the kid was getting more restless along with it. You leaned your head back against his chest, closing your eyes as he swayed you from side to side.

- a flash of light in the dark, cold marble under your bare feet, a sickening crunch. So much blood -

Your eyes shot open and you heaved for breath, suddenly choking on air.

“Whoah there, it’s alright,” Steve said, turning you around and putting his hands on your shoulders while bending down to catch your eyes. “I know this is a big change, and we both would rather be back home, but it’s not safe there anymore. Remember I told you that, buttercup? Not like up here. The building is heavily secured and no helicopter could sneak in - the city has a million eyes. You’re safe here, sweetheart, there’s no need to worry that pretty, little head. I’m gonna keep you safe like I always have,” he said, repeating what he’d been telling you over the last 24 hours as you’d moved across the country.

A penthouse in the middle of Manhattan, New York City. 8,4 million people right below you, crawling underfoot while you swayed up in the clouds, 1300 feet up in the air. Your worst nightmare a couple of months ago. Now, you didn’t really know how to feel. You were so tired, and confused. Your memories of that horrible night were blurry blotches, and you fought between not wanting to remember all those atrocious images of blood splattering and bones breaking, and feeling so panicky over the black spots in your recollection it made your head all loopy.

“Besides, Bucky will be here with you, to keep you safe until I return to you,” Steve continued, a hand coming up to stroke your cheek softly.

That’s right, Steve was leaving. After everything that had happened, Steve was leaving, almost right this second. To catch the guys that were behind the attack on the mansion and see that they’re put away, all so I can get back to you and the baby before it’s born, he’d said when you’d hidden your face in his chest and sobbed uncontrollably at him breaking the news of his departure.

You supposed you understood. He wanted the bad men in jail by the time you went into labor, so he could be with you from then on without worrying for your safety. You got the logic of it, it was now or never. It still terrified you. You needed Steve, and just when everything was going so well between you, he was leaving you. All alone in this huge, fancy penthouse in a city with millions of people. Okay, you knew you were being irrational and naggy and ungrateful. Steve had gotten you the most secure, safe and luxurious residence he could after the mansion, perhaps even more secure, under the ever watchful gaze of the city, breaking in would be even more difficult. Besides, Steve had apparently been their primary target that night, not you. So if he was out there hunting them hunting him, the target was off your back, collateral or not. Plus, Steve was leaving Bucky here for you.

Bucky. James Buchanan Barnes. There is no one in this world I trust more than him. He's the only one besides myself I would entrust with your safety. An old friend, the polar opposite of Steve. Scruffy where Steve was cleanly groomed, broody where Steve was charming, quiet where Steve knew the perfect things to say. You'd barely even spoken a word to Bucky, and he always seemed to have this glare directed your way, scrutinizing your every move with cold eyes under a heavy brow. Neither of you had seemed particularly pleased with the arrangement, but Steve had assured you Bucky was the sweetest, most nobel man out there, and that he would do this for you and Steve - no questions asked. Didn’t change the trickle of ice that ran down your spine at the way Bucky assessed you, the coldness in his stare, and the way it put you on edge.

So Steve was leaving, and you were to be alone in this strange, new home with a man you didn’t know. And you were seven and a half months pregnant. With Steve’s super enhanced baby. If you weren’t so sure of the baby’s strength, you’d worry about an early labor from all the duress you’d been under these last few days…

Steve pulled you into his arms, careful not to squish your belly too hard, and kissed the top of your head while stroking a soothing hand up and down your back. You needed his touch so bad, had become so addicted to his constant physical connection, you were already dreading the withdrawals when he left. You already felt lonely.

“I’ll be back before you know it,” he murmured into your hair, tilting your head back to tenderly kiss your lips. “You be a good girl for me, and treat Bucky like this is his home too,” he murmured against your lips, making you shiver. It had been days since he’d fucked you, you hadn’t had any time alone between moving residence and him planning whatever mission he was going on with his organisation. You were aching for him, body and soul, and weren’t ready for him to go. You weren’t ready…

But he left either way.

And then you were at a complete loss. What were you supposed to do in a penthouse all day without Steve? You couldn’t take walks like on the vast lawns of the mansion with the soft, perpetually green grass under your bare feet. The penthouse was huge, sure, and two stories, with several enormous bedrooms with private bathrooms and a sitting area on the second floor and big kitchen and way too big living room on the first, along with a personal spa, a private cinema, guest rooms, personal gym and more bathrooms. Nearly the whole apartment had floor to ceiling windows, making your slight vertigo a constant with how the looming, chaotic city below and endless sky above. And you, floating in the middle. Your only option was to go down all those levels and walk in the city. Could you even do that?

A knock on the door had you slowly emerging from your thoughts, sitting on the edge of your new bed in your new bedroom, the sheets unrumpled and made up exactly like a hotel. How long had it been since Steve left? Five minutes? Five hours? You turned around to see Bucky standing in the opening of the cracked open door, shoulders almost as broad as the doorway.

“I’ve prepared some food for you,” he said, leveling you a very evaluating stare you tried not to shrink under.

Food. You had no appetite, your stomach full of dark, messy feelings and a restless baby. But you always ate when Steve prepared your meals nowadays, so you should probably do it when Bucky did too. You gave a little nod, and the brunette didn’t wait around for you to walk together down to the first floor of the penthouse.

Down in the kitchen, the aroma of creamy sauce and garlic filled your nose, and you tried opting for a seat at the kitchen island before realizing you just couldn’t get up with your belly. Bucky was loading up plates by the stove, and turned in time to see you wobble on your feet as you tried hiking yourself on the high bar stool. Your cheeks were hot with mild embarrassment as you instead opted for the dining table right next to the kitchen, sighing in relief as you got the weight off your bloated feet. They were already starting to hurt like hell, and Steve hadn’t been gone even a day yet.

Bucky appeared a moment later and put a dish down next to you. Pasta with mushrooms of some kind, a cheesy cream sauce and small pieces of bacon. The aroma was mouth watering. Bucky took the seat across the table from you as you picked up the utensils and started eating. You could scarcely stop the moan escaping you as you took your first mouthful.

“This is delicious,” you said between the next bite and the one after, already shuffling the food into yourself in a rather unmannered way. It took you a while to realize Bucky had neither answered you, nor moved a muscle, his own steaming dish of pasta untouched before him. A ping of unease flared to life inside you.

You looked up to meet his gaze and nearly winced at how cold his eyes were, pinning you with a look that could only be described as scrutiny. Your muscles seized, a premonition blooming. That wasn’t the look you expected, and definitely one that you liked.

“Who are you?” he asked.

“W-what?” you answered after nearly choking on your food. You’d introduced yourself only a few days ago, had he forgotten? How did the room suddenly feel colder, Bucky’s cool, steel eyes raising goosebumps along your skin in a flair of nerves.

“Who do you work for?” he asked.

“I…I don’t have a job anymore, Steve, um… I quit,” you answered, confused, trying not to focus on how you’d gotten out of your last job at that local yarn and handicraft store in your hometown.

“There is no point in feigning innocence here, I’ll get your file any minute now,” he said, and that threw you for a loop before your unease doubled. Your breath was speeding up, getting choppy.

“You’re running background checks on m-me?” you asked. What the hell was he suspecting you of doing? You hadn’t meant to do anything wrong, couldn’t remember having done anything wrong.

Bucky didn’t answer your question, just sat there while his meal turned cold.

“If you have anything to confess, I suggest you do it now, before I get the intel,” he warned you instead.

Your heart was picking up speed, your stomach restless both from a sudden nausea and the kid squirming around. Steve had said Bucky was noble and trustworthy, but here he was being all threatening and cold, and you were locked into this apartment alone with him. The sudden feeling of danger made your head spin, and your mind wandered back to that night.

-sudden lights at the window, your body moving too slow under all its extra weight, your heart in your throat -

Bucky leaned forward in his chair somewhat.

“What are you planning on doing with the baby? What is your plan for Steve?”

Hot tears sprung from your eyes like a sudden faucet, and a violent sob burst from you.

-hot, sticky blood raining down on your face in patters, the mortified gurgling sound of a throat ripped apart -

Your chair toppled over as you jumped up, driven by a flash of adrenalin, and you groaned as your joints protested the sudden movement with pain.

“I…what…n-no, he was the one who..I tried to say no, I never wanted - I didn’t want -”

Your throat closed on another sob, your lungs burning and you just couldn’t draw enough breath into them, panic making you suddenly dizzy. Your thoughts were running too fast, a voice in your head yelling at you to not say anything bad about Steve, about how he got you to the mansion, about how he got you pregnant.

You swayed dangerously to one side, your feet numb and weak, and for a split second you registered Bucky’s expression turning from suspicious and hard to something more concerned, a crack in his confidence. He got to his feet and clasped a hand around your upper arm. On second thought you should’ve realized he was trying to keep you from falling flat on your face, but in the moment all you saw was the masked man who’d tried to pry you from the closet in the mansion and drag you away.

Your reflexes kicked in, and before you knew it, your hands met Bucky’s chest with all the strength you could muster. Bucky did not fly across the room like the masked man had flown down the stairs - Bucky merely stumbled a step back - but the pure shock on his face registered in your mind even through your panicked haze. The half-open mouth, wide eyes and pinprick pupils, the color that drained several shades from his otherwise tanned skin and rosy cheeks. You might as well have flung him to the moon.

Your mind cleared slightly from its dizziness as you realized the baby’s inherited strength had charged yours once again, but your breath was still too short, too fast, the oxygen rasping up and down your esophagus before it could even reach your lungs. You were going to die, your mind thought with a pathetic little whimper.

“Whoah, easy,” Bucky said, taking a step forward with his hands raised in surrender, worry alight on his features where suspicion had been only a minute ago. “Breathe, c’mon breathe,” he said, gently stepping up to where you stood frozen in place, doing all you could to keep conscious as your head started pounding from the pressure and lack of oxygen. You watched as he brought one hand up to cradle your elbow, and found yourself reaching out your own hand to cling to him, grabbing on to his arm with your nails first. It somehow helped, if only a fraction, the warm, real, corporal feeling of his flesh working as a lifeline to keep you rooted to the earth, to reality, to consciousness. Your feet moved on their own, staggering a step closer to grab his other arm with your hand.

Help me, please, help, you thought with desperation as your irregular breaths got fractionally deeper.

“That’s it, breathe for me,” Bucky said as he let you draw closer to him, your nails digging into his skin through the fabric of his shirt. He looked into your eyes, his own calmer now than before, gentler, staring into yours so hard it forced you to focus through your panic, noticing with increasing awareness the speckle of green in his irises, how the light caught the blue, how his pupils slowly expanded as your breaths got longer and more even.

“That’s right, good girl,” he murmured, when at last your breath evened out and you could pry your stiff fingers from where they were stabbing into his forearms.

God, you needed a hug. Your feet felt like jello, there was a stab of pain in the back of your neck. You were going to have such a gnarly headache. And you needed a hug, your nerves hanging on by a frail, frayed thread. You needed Steve, but he wasn’t here, so you needed a hug, and the burly figure in front of you seemed like he gave great, big, warm ones.

Leaning forward, you slumped against Bucky, your face smushing into his chest, not caring that he was a practical stranger and that he’d just accused you of being some secret, evil succubus spy. Bucky stiffened noticeably as you practically fell into him, but then his arms came up to wrap around you, steadying you with an air of politeness.

You’re sure the moment was exceedingly awkward, but you were suddenly so overwhelmed and tired and filled with grief you couldn’t even feel it. Bucky was warm, like a furnace, so incredibly warm.

You were halfway into exhausted slumber by the time Bucky gently pried you away from his chest, and you barely kept the disappointed mewl from slipping past your lips. You looked up into his eyes, and saw tension there, intense and concentrated, along with unmistakable curiosity, still a little tainted by suspicion. But he asked you no further questions, simply said “let’s get you upstairs so you can rest” and then tugged you gently along back to your room and into bed. You were slipping into unconsciousness when you felt the bed dip, the silk sheet being draped over you and a gentle squeeze to your shoulder.

You awoke to the gentle rap of knuckles on your door and the smell of chamomile tea. You were still in the same clothes, sheet draped over you, and you blinked bleary, exhausted eyes open to see Bucky standing in the doorway with a tray in his hands.

You sat up and smiled a little as he made his way over to the bed, though you weren’t quite brave enough to meet his eyes. He put the tray down beside you on the bed and lingered.The tray had a mug of tea and a salad that looked delicious, with a wide variety of greens and cheese, nuts and seeds and a dressing of some kind. It looked like the perfect textbook snack Steve would’ve prepared for you. He’d probably given Bucky list upon list of things to give you and make sure you did while he was away. Steve and his imperious ways. You couldn’t help smile at that, your heart aching for him, feeling that Steve wasn’t too far away for a tiny moment.

“How’re you feeling?” Bucky asked.

“Better,” you said, truly feeling better in that moment, and patted the bed for him to sit and join you. You needed to get along with Bucky if he was Steve’s best friend.

You dug into the food, feeling famished. You felt Bucky watching you, and forced yourself to not lock up. You could feel the questions hanging in the air between you, but if you just pretended everything was fine, maybe he’d forget about asking them. You didn’t know how much Steve would allow you to tell about…well, anything.

“Can I ask you something?” he said after a minute of silence as you ate and sipped from your tea.

Oh crap, here we go

You dared to look up at him, meeting his baby blue eyes for a second before giving him a tiny nod and continuing to eat.

“You said something before…downstairs, when I asked what your plan for the baby and Steve was,” he started. He was speaking softly, no accusation in his tone whatsoever, but your heartbeat still sped up in your chest.

Scrambling, you tried to remember what you’d said. That whole ordeal was a blur, you couldn’t remember much outside feeling you were going to die from lack of oxygen.

Trying to keep your breathing in check, you raised a shoulder, trying for relaxed and feeling much too stiff, hoping against hope that Bucky would just let it go.

“You said that Steve was the one who…something, and that you had tried to say no. That you didn’t want…something,” Bucky said, sitting unmoving on the edge of the bed. You didn’t dare meet his eyes, afraid he’d see something in them you didn’t mean to show. Afraid you would betray Steve in some way, a sickening pulse of guilt wracking through you. “What did you mean by that?” Bucky asked after several long, silent seconds.

You tried opening your mouth to speak only to choke on your own spit, swallowing painful before opening your mouth again.

“I didn’t mean anything. I don’t know what you’re talking about, I didn’t say - I didn’t mean anything with it,” you stammered out, and bloody hell, you didn’t even believe yourself in that moment, all sweaty hands, flaky eyes and trembling voice.

Please don’t ask me anything more about it, you’ll ruin everything

You knew without looking that Bucky didn’t believe you, he was way too quiet for that, unmoving, assessing you, scrutinizing your crumbling appearance.

Why can’t you just let it go?, you thought desperately.

The food you’d just consumed churned in your stomach.

“Are you sure?” you heard him say, and you stared down at your hands in your lap, giving him a tiny, unconvincing nod.

Just leave it, please.

Bucky got up from the bed, the mattress aligning itself without his weight, and stood by it for a moment. You kept your gaze lowered, forcefully holding your anxiety down in order to keep what suspicions you could at bay.

“I’m going out to the city for an errand. Would you like to join me?” he asked.

You couldn’t help how your face shot up in surprise, how your eyes widened as you processed his words.

“What?”

Bucky looked you dead in the eyes, still scrutinizing, but he shifted on his feet as though a bit uncertain of himself.

“Well, Steve told me you liked to walk around the garden of his estate, and he insisted I try and keep your daily routine as unchanged as possible. If you were used to walking a lot, this apartment isn’t really big enough for that, so I thought you could join me in the city to get your steps in. We could take a turn around central park if you’d like,” Bucky said.

Walking. In the city.

You shook your head a little. No, you couldn’t do that. Were you even allowed? You doubted Steve meant for Bucky to take you into the city when he said to keep your routine unchanged. Still, an aching flare of need burst to life in your chest. Going outside. You wanted to go outside, to feel the breeze on your face, smell the rose garden, to listen to the birds. You knew you wouldn’t find much of that in New York city though.

“I don’t know,” you admitted, the need to get outside the glass cage that was the apartment warring with your uncertainty of being with all those people in the streets below. Things had not gone well the last time you’d done that. All that time ago, before things had become so good between you and Steve. Before he’d made you see you weren’t cut out for being independent. That you would be so much happier with him. Under his protection.

“Oh come on, it won’t take long, we’ll go as slow as you need,” Bucky said, and though his tone was lighter now, his eyes didn’t relent in their careful assessment of you.

Would he become more suspicious if you refused? You feared it. What normal woman would suddenly refuse to go for a walk if that was what she was used to? Maybe Steve wouldn’t mind. Or maybe you just desperately wanted to be somewhere else but inside the apartment all the way up in the sky like this, perched and dizzy.

“Okay,” you finally conceded.

You tried for a smile as Bucky bid you to meet him by the private elevator on the first floor in fifteen minutes.

The tiny hope that Steve wanted you to take walks down on the NYC streets soon died as you went through your closet and realized there was no coat nor any real shoes in the wardrobe Steve had curated for you. Uncharacteristically driven to succeed at your prerogative though, you put on a double pair of socks and the flat strappy sandals from way in the back of the closet, dorned your thickest cardigan and made your wobbly way downstairs.

Bucky was waiting by the elevator, checking something on his phone. A phone. How long had it been since you’d seen a mobile phone? He put it away as you approached, smiling as he lifted his gaze to you. His smile quickly turned to a frown as he looked over your outfit.

“It’s way too cold out for that, I’ll get your coat, and you should probably put on some boots,” he said, moving to go past you. Your hand shot out and landed on his chest, halting him.

“N-no, I, uh, I haven’t got any,” you blurted. His warmth burned through the layers of his sweater, distracting as your palm absorbed the heat.

His eyes narrowed on you.

“You haven’t got a coat or shoes?” he asked, and you just knew you’d revealed the wrong thing. This looked so bad.

“No, I do,” you lied,” Steve must’ve just forgotten to pack them when we moved, it all just happened so quickly, you know,” you said, smiling a little up at him, hoping he would back off at the reference to that night. “Anyway, I prefer these sandals. Bloated feet and whatnot.”

Bucky leveled you with his narrowed stare for a few seconds longer, probably weighing your words with whatever he could read on your face.

“All right, but I’m getting you one of my jackets. It’s a chilly day and I don’t want to risk your health,” he said sternly and made a beeline for his own room.

You breathed a sigh of relief, belatedly realizing he could’ve cancelled the whole outing outright because of this. You were suddenly quite…happy he didn’t. You were excited to go out, you realized, eager almost. And nervous, so nervous the baby was getting increasingly restless within you, moving about in your belly as you waited for Bucky to return, staring at the elevator doors in front of you.

You almost didn’t hear Bucky return with the way your blood pumped in your ears, not until a leather jacket was gently draped over your shoulders, the smell of a spicy cologne and well worn leather wafting into your nose. Not unpleasant, you realized as you insinuated your arms into it and brought it around yourself.

“Sorry, this is the only thing I have that I think’ll fit around your…um, well everything,” Bucky said, hesitating as he gestured vaguely at your belly and you noticed the faintest of pink dusting his cheeks.

How thoughtful…

“Thanks,” you said, closing the zipper at the front of the jacket tightly over your belly. It was snug, but it did indeed fit. Your outfit couldn’t have been more uncoordinated if you tried, with your woolen socks and strappy sandals, an ankle length satin dress and big, black leather jacket. But you didn’t care. You were going outside.

Adrenaline started pumping in your system the second the elevator pinged and the doors opened, and you again fought to keep up appearances and you stiffly moved into the little steel chamber to be taken down to ground level.

It’s perfectly normal to go outside, it’s perfectly normal to leave the house, there’s nothing to be afraid of, you kept repeating to yourself silently, avoiding looking in the direction of your chaperone.

You did well, you thought as you stared at the display above the door counting down the floor numbers until it only displayed a capitol “L” for lobby. Ground floor. Here we go.

Only, when the elevator doors opened, and there were several people waiting to ride it up, just standing outside, minding their business, not even looking at you…you couldn’t move.

Something was wrong, this was all wrong, you shouldn’t be doing this, you knew you shouldn’t.

In your peripheral vision, you noticed Bucky watching you, waiting for you to move ahead of him, observing even more of those things you were certain Steve wouldn’t want you to show him. The baby kicked your ribs.

“Come on, little lady,” Bucky murmured, and a warm, gentle hand on your back carefully nudged you forward. Under the guise of being heavily pregnant (which you were), you slowly moved forward, out of the elevator, not brave enough to meet the eyes of the people waiting, but murmuring thanks to them as they moved out of the way for you and Bucky.

Your breathing was choppy, and Bucky moved you to the side as soon as you were out of the way of the elevators. There was so much noise in the lobby, people milling about, music from somewhere, some children somewhere screaming with laughter, and through the opening doors all the way on the other side of the vast voajer, the deafening roar of city traffic filtered in.

Steve’s voice was suddenly loud in your head. You can’t make it out there, you’re too weak, too frail, they’ll swallow you whole, the voice whispered with finality, growing in volume, warping into a static roar. The laughter of the children turned to screams, the crowds noise became a deafening tsunami of sound, the blaring horns from cars hurting your ears as you squeezed your eyes shut and -

“Hey,” Bucky’s voice cut through the noise like a knife, bringing you back to your body with a pair of strong, warm hands on your shoulders, like anchors on your mind. “You’re okay,” he said, bowing his head to capture your gaze with his own.

You stared into his eyes, realizing you were about to spiral into your second panic attack that day, and that he’d calmed you down for the second time as well.

“What’s going on?” he asked, voice low and comforting, not drawing any attention to the two of you from the other people in the lobby.

“I’m, -” you rasped, realizing you were on the verge of hyperventilating, “I’m too weak,” you whimpered.

“Too weak for what? You look pale, is it the baby? Do you need to sit down?” Bucky asked, looking you over while keeping you from wobbling.

No, it wasn’t the baby, it was never the baby. It was you, you were too weak.

“No, the baby is fine, the baby is strong. It’s me, I’m too weak to make it out there on my own,” you nearly whined, eyeing the doors to the outside warily.

“What do you mean? You’re not alone. I’m here with you. And besides, you are strong, I felt it earlier,” Bucky said. You could tell he was sort of confused as to why he needed to give you a pep talk just to leave the lobby, but here he was. He put a hand on your belly, and the warmth of his palm could be felt through the layers of clothing, even through the leather of his jacket. The touch grounded you even more, sharpening your focus. You looked into his deep, earnest blue eyes. “You’re protecting the little one, right? You are his or her momma bear, and he or she gives you the strength and courage to do it, right?”

You stilled at those words, felt them absorb into you, felt them settle neatly somewhere deep inside you.

That’s…right. That’s it. Your baby gave you strength, unnatural amounts of strength, and you needed to protect your baby. Only you could protect your baby, you could feel it, deep down in the marrow of your bones, a deep-rooted unwavering certainty that could only be some instinctual thing inherited from all the mothers that came before you. How had you not noticed that before? How did Bucky manage to find the words that somehow unlocked that knowledge? Or maybe it’d been there the whole time…

Like a fog, the panic and anxiety lifted slightly from your hazy mind, and you laughed. Suddenly, a bit shakily, and incredibly embarrassed.

“I’m sorry,” you said, wiping at a few tears that escaped your eyes. You hadn’t even realized you were on the verge of tears.

Bucky smiled warmly.

“No need. I can’t imagine what all those hormones are putting you through, but if looks rough, I gotta tell you that. Now, how about we get on with the mission, if you’re still up for it?” he said, taking his hand off your belly and squeezing your shoulders reassuringly once before retreating them both from your form.

You nodded.

Your baby gives you strength, you protect your baby, you repeated in your head again and again as you followed Bucky to the doors. Though not a miracle cure, you found yourself steadily moving out the doors, into the streets, down the sidewalk, across to the next street and then on.

It was like watching yourself from outside your body. Here you were, just six weeks shy of your due date, walking the streets of New York city like a normal person. You kept expecting the world to explode, but it didn’t. You kept expecting the people meeting you on the street to brandish clubs or knives or needles to hurt you with, but they all pretty much ignored you.

Suddenly, Bucky had finished his errand and you found yourself waddling around Central Park with Bucky, breathing in the fresh air, listening intently for the bird song. You kept on the lookout for rose bushes to smell, but found the worm leather of your jacket made a surprisingly nice replacement. A child gave you a grin that lacked a front tooth and excitedly pointed at your belly before her mother pulled her away, scolding her for being rude. You couldn’t help waving at her and smiling as she was dragged away, looking back to find Bucky watching you, his eyes gentle, but guarded. He’d kept a close eye on you ever since leaving the apartment building, but strangely, you found yourself pushing the worries for what he might be thinking far away.

You hadn’t felt this calm in days. The breeze was gentle and cooling on the exposed skin of your face, your leg muscles thrummed pleasantly from how long you’d walked and the open sky above you made you feel like you could finally breathe properly again. You suspected Bucky might be part of why you felt so safe to just enjoy these sensations right now, but his words from earlier hadn’t stopped shining like a lighthouse in the back of your mind.

The baby gave you strength, and you would use that strength to protect your baby…and yourself. You had come to realize you’d already done that in the past. When that man had grabbed you from the closet in the mansion, you hadn’t freezed and cowered and yielded to whatever violence he’d dish out. You had defended yourself. You’d used the strength the baby gave you and protected you both. How had you not seen that as a reason for confidence before now?

Who knew how long those words could keep your anxiety at bay. For now, you made the most of this uncommon calm and said virtually nothing to Bucky for the rest of the walk before he took you back to the apartment complex.

The minute the elevator doors closed and locked behind you, and you reluctantly gave Bucky his leather jacket back, the threatening gloom of fear began to sink over you. You raised your chin, repeated your new found mantra to yourself and reflected on a new found experience you hadn’t believed possible. You had just been out almost all day in New York city, one of the busiest and most dangerous cities on the planet, and nothing had gone wrong. Fretful hope bloomed inside you. Maybe, just maybe things could work out for you. Maybe you didn’t have to be so scared shitless all the time. Hadn’t you lived and managed on your own before? In another life, all that time ago? Hadn’t that been you on your own for years before Steve entered your life?

You wobbled over to the couch, sighing deeply as you finally got your weight off your feet. Amazing as it was to feel the ache in your legs from muscles well spent walking, you could already feel all the aches in your body that Steve usually kept at bay with his massages, start to grow - beginning in your feet and lower back.

Steve…

Just the thought of him had you aching in an entirely different way. God, you missed his hands on your skin, how he fired up this all-consuming need in you, made you desperate for him. You were wound embarrassingly tight already, backed up in a way that was hard to ignore.

Before you could fall further into that line of thought, Bucky entered the living room. One look at him had your pleasant mood shifting.

“We need to talk,” he said.

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers fanfiction #in the balance #steve rogers fanfic #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #steve rogers x y/n #dark!steve rogers x reader #dark!steve rogers fanfic #dark!steve rogers #dark!steve rogers smut #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fic #bucky x reader

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obliqueblade · 4 months

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End of Season 9 + health update (kinda)

So, I finally got a chance to watch most of the Hermits videos about the end of season nine, just finished with Grians, and I was not anticipating that I would cry.

I did. An embarrassing amount.

Something that I haven't talked about in a while, is the recent really bad health crisis I had a few months ago. For those unaware, or who don't remember, I was diagnosed with a form of Lung Cancer almost three years ago.

A few months ago, one of my roommates, allowed her partner into our apartment knowing that they had Covid and didn't tell me or our other roommates. I got sick. Really sick. I don't want to go into too much detail, because it is not pleasant, but since then my doctors and I had to change almost everything about my treatment plan, but the major thing we were unsure of was how would it affect one of my upcoming surgeries.

Originally, this was set for mid-January, but my doctors wanted to run some more tests and make sure that I would be strong enough to undergo it. At the time in late October, they told me they would know for sure by December. And, a few days ago I got the call to go and meet with them.

I'm not strong enough.

Which, essentially means that without this surgery, all they are really going to be able to do is keep me comfortable until I pass.

Obviously, this sucks, and not at all how I had intended things to go. I've not told any of my family, mainly because I don't really know how to at this time. Tomorrow being Christmas it feels wrong to do it now, so I'll probably wait till after the holidays.

Do not worry, I am still making progress on the fic, as it isn't strenuous to do.

Anyway, I felt that I needed to write this with the end of the Hermitcraft season. I had only started watching Hermitcraft during season 8, not long after I had gotten my diagnosis. So season 9 was my first time watching a full season- start to end.

I think that might be one of the reasons I got so emotional towards the end. Realistically, depending on when they start season 10, I won't be alive to see it, let alone the end of it.

Obviously, I'm not saying "they need to start the new season now because I'm dying, and screw how burnt out you guys might feel". That would be ridiculous, and not the point I'm trying to make.

The Hermits introduced me to so much joy, such much creativity, and so much strength. The days I felt like were the end, were made so much brighter, because of the Hermits.

I'm not ashamed to admit that I probably wouldn't have made it through the past two years without them.

So, in the only way that I hopefully can with the time I have left, I want to complete this fic. I want to attribute something back to this amazing community, and the people that got me through so much.

Thank you, Hermitcraft, for making the last few years of my life feel like they were worth living.

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yaskie · 1 month

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Fighting for Cancer

All Stickers and emoji sales will be used for Uncle Dindo’s medical debts and balances for his wake and burial, Auntie Sam’s and my ongoing Hormonal and chemo treatment. We also set a targeted amount through our goal for donations. We thank you all, thank you so much for everything. We deeply appreciate all donations and purchases that will be made. To all who have helped me in the past. I am eternally grateful. Please help me share this post, reblog. It will help me a lot. ❤️‍🩹❤️🩷🧡💛 Hello Dear friends, I hope you are all doing well. It’s been a long time since I have made an update about my health and everything that is happening to my life. Life has been so busy. As you read the title for this campaign. Yes, Fighting for cancer, as some of you know I fought with the same battle several years ago, to my friends who helped me financially and all. My never ending gratitude to all of you.

I became okay and I chose to deal with financial struggles myself, because I know that I am already giving too much burden to my friends over the course of more than a year. I went back to do regular jobs despite lower grade pays in order to survive, and pay the remaining debt for my medication. Where I live, we are paid daily, not hourly and daily wages are between $12-$15/day. And work 8-12 hours a day. Unfortunately, life does not always end like a fairytale. I am doing this campaign again. Not just for myself but for the other two people that are important to my life. I guess this battle runs into the family. I lost so many family members battling this. I lost my Dad to Stage 4 lung cancer last 2015. And last night(March 25,2024) I lost my Uncle Dindo in the same battle, after several months of intensive treatment. It left us drowning with hospital bills, and debts and it cost us nearly $130,000 and is still running. Uncle Dindo left her wife and two daughters, one who is deaf and mute. Not only that, my Aunt Sam, is also dealing with her Stage 3 Breast Cancer, and it costs us almost $2,000 - $3,000 a week. Her right breast has already been removed. But she is also under close observation. And she was forced to have her unpaid leave at her job, as she needed rest. This also adds up with the financial struggles that we are dealing with too. We have bad healthcare here in PH. And if you are not rich you will die easily. As for me. After I survived my battle in the Lungs. Tumors have popped up in other parts of my body, most of them are benign(but closely monitored for changes), if there will be malignant tumors again that will also pop out too. If you will see my previous posts, last year there had been a concern about my breast and a surgery was needed, but I decided not to proceed and I went through herbal medication, as it is the most affordable way. They helped me, but some backfired. And I am so afraid to lose a body part. Unfortunately, I got bad pneumonia on-off, and the pain in my right breast is unbearable, after several tests. I am diagnosed with Stage 1. Doctors have already warned me in the past about this. And I also asked for a second opinion, because last year it was just only a close call. I will currently take hormone medication, and another chemo. I do not want another surgery at the moment, if it can be avoided. I have high hopes that I will survive this. I can still do jobs to pay for home and other bills. And be with you all.

I decided not just to do this campaign alone, but I also made a Ko-Fi Shop to sell digital stickers. With a collaboration and help from a friend, we currently made 11 printable stickers that you can print on the comfort of your home or print shops with a size of 2x2 inches. You can also use the emoji stickers through your streaming channel, please message me through my Twitter, so I can follow your stream. And for those who printed the physical stickers, it would make us happy if you can tag a photo of them through my twitter. You can put them through notebooks, tumblrs….etc.

Here is the link for our Ko-Fi Store.

Please follow me on twitter or here on Ko-Fi for updates. As we are still working on more Sticker designs. We Can-CerVIVE.

I appreciate all the help that we could get. And thank you so much for understanding. Please take good care of yourselves. Never take your health for granted. Health is wealth. And prevention is better than cure.

Love, Jasky(Your Eternal Sprout)

P.S. To my friends in-game don’t worry you will still see me <3 I love you all! Stay happy and smiling. These are the digital stickers that we are currently selling.

To all my friends, I badly need your help. Please. Thank you. Sorry for tagging you. Reblog and if you can tag your friends too. Thank you for understanding.

@measurelessdreamer @c1a1r3r3df1e1d @samblerambles @nearlybitches @sunhatllama @leonshinkai @shotce @crazyworldhuh @sparkie96 @silvertonguelover @fossil-finder @vietnoodle @irishspringyum @kevinbuiyin @angelspin @thecloudstan @neji-vuldarak @takuyasaeki1001 @valhethella @artofshiroginko @yuko27 @junie-junette @chris-is-not-evil @wuekka @nelyth-v @ya2do @rebrandedbard @tielmamon @signalboostr @mcqraw @risingoflights @travelling-hydaelyn @thedemonofcat @leonisdumbasallhell @litoperezito @priscilla-a-moreno @waywards-thing @chreonweek @heliosani @residentevilx4 @lemonadeswift @prozdvoices @doomednarrative @neil-gaiman @aussiepineapple1st @matchalilly @highball66 @purpledusty @diviedrawn @residenceevil

#cancer patients #cancer support #go fund me #fundraising #important #health care #public health

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eulaties · 2 years

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THE ELEVEN FATUI HARBINGERS & THEIR NATIONS

After watching the new PV, I started thinking: what if every nation had at least one corresponding Harbinger? Given what we already know about La Signora, Tartaglia, Scaramouche, etc. I think that this theory may have substance.

So, which nation is each Harbinger from? I’m going to try and compile what we know from canon, my own understandings of each character, and some of Tartaglia’s voicelines from 2.8 (not released yet, so those are technically leaks). Although there will be some speculation and wild guesses on my part, I hope that more generally, this post can serve as a comprehensive guide for the Fatui Harbingers :)

Let’s get started!

(last updated 7/11/22)

HARBINGER NO. 6, THE BALLADEER: SCARAMOUCHE

Tartaglia’s voiceline about him: "After he took the Gnosis, we lost all contact with him. Now comes the task of trying to hunt it down and get it back...I actually don't mind it—it means I get to travel all over. Wonder if I'll run into you somewhere along the way?" (Source)

Nation: Inazuma

Background: He was a puppet created by Ei herself, but because he shed tears upon his creation, he was deemed too gentle to serve as a vessel for Ei’s Gnosis. His power was sealed and Ei allowed him to take control of his own life, causing him to wander Inazuma until he met the Fatui.

HARBINGER NO. 8, THE FAIR LADY: LA SIGNORA

Tartaglia’s voiceline about her: “I never got along with her, you know that. I guess there's not much more worth saying about her at this point. When you're a harbinger, you have to accept that death could come at any time...But don't worry about me. No matter what happens, I'll do whatever it takes to keep myself alive.” (Source)

Nation: Mondstadt

Background: Five hundred years ago, she was a regular woman from Mondstadt who left to study in Sumeru. Though separated from her lover, she always treasured the hydro timepiece he gave her, as it reminded her of him. But disaster soon struck during her time abroad—when the Cataclysm claimed the life of her lover, her grief consumed her to the point where she no longer had control over her powers. So, with her rage fueling her sorrow, she decided to use "her life's flame" to cleanse "the world's crookedness,” and thus became the Crimson Witch of Fire. Before she could be fully devoured by her own flames, though, Pierro encountered her and convinced her to join the Fatui.

HARBINGER NO. 11, TARTAGLIA: CHILDE

Nation: Snezhnaya

Background: As a child, he was known to be easily frightened and hesitant, causing his father to dote on him. After all, to survive Snezhnaya’s cruel winters, you must persist, and to persist, you must have strength; Ajax had none of that. That remained the case until one day, he fled his suffocating life at home and went into the forest to prove that, like his siblings, he was just as worthy. But that was easier said than done. After encountering a pack of wolves, he ran and made it further and further into the forest, eventually losing his footing and falling into the deep darkness of the Abyss. It was there that he met Skirk, the mysterious swordswoman that taught him all he needed to know to survive against the grisly horrors of the Abyssal creatures. So, Ajax was forced to become stronger, more tenacious. After three months had passed, he somehow made his way out of the Abyss. To his family, though, it was not three months that passed, but rather three days. And it was clear that he had changed drastically. Compared to the way he was before, he was more frivolous and confident, and with his newfound thirst for battle, he quickly gained a reputation of being a “nexus of strife.” His father, no longer doting on him, had no choice but to send him off to the military; he only hoped that its strict regiments would temper this unpredictable nature of his. Yet this was done to no avail. This disappointed his father, but it caught the eye of Pulcinella. Under the guise of punishment, Pulcinella ordered him to start from the bottom and work his way up to the top. If he managed to do so, then he could personally serve the Tsaritsa. Naturally, Childe succeeded at this, and in turn, he became the youngest and newest member of the Fatui.

HARBINGER NO. ??, THE DOCTOR: IL DOTTORE

Tartaglia’s voiceline about him: “I heard that he took segments of himself at different ages, made prostheses out of them, and assigned different tasks to each one. I know...all my comrades are a little weird. Come to think of it, if I met my own prosthesis...hah, we'd have to fight then and there to decide which one of us gets to survive.” (Source)

Nation: Sumeru

Background: Denounced as a heretic and chased out of his hometown because of his inhumane scientific ideas, Dottore eventually wound up at the Sumeru Academia. While still having the reputation of being a monster and madman, he restrained himself enough to not be expelled, because—after all—he still needed an environment “conducive to research.” During his time at the Academia, he was approached by Pierro, who asked for his loyalty to the Tsaritsa in exchange for resources and funding for his research. Since he could only stand to benefit, Dottore naturally agreed.

HARBINGER NO. 9, REGRATOR: PANTALONE

Tartaglia’s voiceline about him: “Oh, now that guy has a head full of grandiose plans fueled by raw ambition. I don't understand a word he says once he starts talking about his theories...Eh, but as long as he keeps our cash reserves stocked up, I'm not complaining.” (Source)

Nation (speculative): Liyue, maybe? From what we know about him, he appears to be very strategic/logical. Moreover, his surface-level obsession with wealth may indicate something deeper, such as how he closely values stability and giving as much as one takes (which then hearkens back to Liyue’s emphasis on equal contracts).

Background: He was born into poverty and never received a vision. This led him to question the nature of the world, and whether or not Celestia deserved to control humanity to this extent. Thus, he struggled his way to the top and, at some point, became recruited into the Fatui. Currently, he is the wealthiest Harbinger and is in control of Snezhnaya’s economic policies.

HARBINGER NO. 5, THE ROOSTER: PULCINELLA

Tartaglia’s voiceline about him: “I don't know what his motivations could be, but he seems genuine about wanting to help me. He treats me just like family. Oh, and speaking of family—Tonia and Teucer are always telling me about the pastries and other gifts he brings them when they write. So while I've been away from Snezhnaya, he's kept his promise to take care of my family.” (Source)

Nation (speculative): Snezhnaya, most likely. Along with Pierro, he is able to recruit Harbingers, so I’m guessing he has some sort of seniority. Looking at his clothes/general sense of style, too, no other nation stands out to me for him. He gives off very wintry vibes!

Background: Not much is known about him, but from the quote above, he appears to be compassionate towards Tartaglia. But at the same time, when he talks about him in Secrets From the Depths of Winter, he says that Tartaglia is trustworthy but then warns against “growing attached to him.” So what’s up with this contrast? It could be that he has ulterior motives or, you know. Maybe he really is just a family man. Either way, I want this little goblin man to be playable in the future.

HARBINGER NO. 3, THE DAMSELETTE: COLUMBINA

Tartaglia’s voiceline about her: “The Harbingers are ranked by strength, and I have no idea why that girl is No. 3. I'd test my skills with every Harbinger who ranks above me if I had the chance, but when it comes to her...something just doesn't feel right. Anyway, you should be careful around her.” (Source)

Nation (speculative): I’m not sure of which one yet, but going purely off of design, she might be from Snezhnaya or Fontaine. Personally, I’m thinking more Snezhnaya.

HARBINGER NO. ??, THE PUPPET: SANDRONE

Tartaglia’s voiceline about her: “She always seems engrossed in her research. Hmm.. I wonder if those machines have anything to do with her? Anyway, I've only met her a few times, but every time she looked like she wanted to murder me. I have no idea what I possibly could have done to annoy her.” (Source)

Nation (speculative): Same as the Damselette, I’m thinking either Fontaine or Snezhnaya. But she seems more likely to be from Fontaine, judging by her clothing/general sense of style; she looks pretty aristocratic to me. Also, we know that Fontaine has a steampunk/machine theme, so that lends credence to my assumption.

HARBINGER NO. ??, THE KNAVE: ARLECCHINO

Tartaglia’s voiceline about her: “Look, I've got nothing against people who have their own agendas—I myself joined the Fatui to get more experience in combat. But I don't like her at all. If she stood to benefit from betraying others, she'd turn against the Tsaritsa in a heartbeat. There isn't a sane bone in her body.” (Source)

Nation (speculative): Like the last two, she gives me Fontaine or Snezhnaya vibes. However, her quote in the PV makes me unsure on which one she leans towards: “Rosalyne died in a foreign land...But you heartless businessmen and dignitaries, always with a convenient excuse to remain in the comfort of your homeland...You couldn't hope to understand.” So for now, it’s ambiguous.

Background: She runs the orphanage House of Hearth, which takes in orphans and raises them as members of the Fatui. Based on the Harbinger PV, we know she cares about her “children” to some extent (she states, “We don't want to make the children cry”).

HARBINGER NO. ??, THE CAPTAIN: IL CAPITANO

Tartaglia’s voiceline about him: “I've seen him in battle before, and oh what a sight it was. Perhaps I'm ranked too low for him to notice me right now. Well, he may not recognize my strengths yet, but one day, I'll show him what I'm made of.” (Source)

Nation (speculative): The previous Harbingers are already from 6 of 7 nations: Mondstadt, Liyue, Inazuma, Sumeru, Fontaine, and Snezhnaya. The only one left is Natlan, and I think that makes a lot of sense once we consider what we already know about the nation. First, from the manhua, we know that the clans of Natlan used to hold tournaments in Murata’s honor, who is the God of War. Second, from Vennessa, we know that the Natlan people “pass down the art of war to their descendants.” Therefore, Natlan probably has the most skilled and capable fighters in all of Tevyat. This knowledge, combined with Tartaglia’s voiceline, makes it seem very likely that Capitano is from Natlan.

HARBINGER NO. 1, THE JESTER: PIERRO

Tartaglia’s voiceline about him: “He was the first ever Fatui Harbinger, and today he is our leader. He only appears on important occasions. As for his accomplishments...To be honest, I don't really care. I owe my loyalty and devotion to the Tsaritsa, no one else.“ (Source)

Nation: Khaenri’ah

Background: Before the Cataclysm occurred, he warned the Khaenri'ah sages that "tearing away at the veil of sin” would bring severe consequences. Yet this was done to no avail—because he was not perceived as trustworthy by the sages, nor by the ruler of Khaenri'ah, he was forced to stand aside and watch as they flew too close to the sun and singlehandedly brought destruction to the homeland. Even more, he witnessed Celestia’s cruelty firsthand and quickly became embittered by the truth of the world. And so, with his wish to burn away the Old World, he aligned with the Tsaritsa’s cause and became the very first Fatui Harbinger.

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bengiyo · 10 months

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La Pluie Ep 8 Stray Thoughts

Last week, we wrote so many good posts about this show, especially the importance of Tai's pleasure from giving pleasure to Patts. Lomfon proved mostly ineffectual, but Tien has placed himself firmly between Lomfon and Tai. Nara turned up at the camp, and Tai witnessed her kissing Patts. It's time for the drama.

I don't mind starting a few minutes back to reset the timeline and pacing of this so we can see how Nara approached Patts.

Oh, Patts is not feeling this at all.

I really appreciate that Patts feels bad about this situation between him and Nara. I don't think I'd like him for Tai if he didn't care about Nara.

The backing track for this Nara scene is incredible. This show has really solid sound mixing.

I feel for Nara, because her greatest fear was Patts leaving her for his soulmate, and now he's found him. She's gotta be feeling upset, embarrassed, and a little foolish at this point. I really appreciate that the show has shown her great respect.

Once again, I love how engaged Patts is with everything going on. He saw a dropped bento and immediately worried that Tai saw Nara and misunderstood.

Bow and Kung are holding hands. I know we're worried about Tai, but I NEED TO KNOW.

Man, I love how quickly everyone pieced together what happened and focused on the immediate problem: locating Saengtai.

Lomfon's insistence that Saengtien not endanger himself too is quite reasonable.

Oh, Tien. He's such a little brother. I love him.

Great transition. I'd recognize Tai by his rings and sweaters anywhere.

I must say the music for this episode has been so well-selected.

NOO! MY SWEET BOY!!!

Interesting. Lomfon has hearing loss, too.

Patts is so strong. Carrying our beautiful boy all the way down a mountain.

I knew Tai was running up that goddamn hill because he doubted the truth of the soulmate connection and was confused by Nara and Patts being compatible!

That was beautiful. I love Patts so much. He's not mad at Tai and just listens quietly to Tai finally opening up about his Soulmate fears. They can finally arrive at the conclusion the show has been arguing for literally two months: It doesn't matter if they're ordained by the universe or not; what matters is they love each other.

Patts just put his whole heart on the line when he asked Saengtai to be his boyfriend. I love this man. I will be tolerating no more slander on him.

I really like how specific each of these have felt each time.

I WILL NEVER GET OVER BOY SOMPOB SINGING OVER BIG MOMENTS IN BL. NINE YEARS AND COUNTING.

Bow and I are the same. I also cried over my boy.

I absolutely adore the relationship between Tai and Tien.

OH. MY. GOD. LOMFON HEARD BOTH TAI AND PATTS!!!!! The implications of this are huge.

We get to meet Saengnuea next week!

I am absolutely in love with this show. This is my favorite show from this year that's not Moonlight Chicken. I love how much grace is given to every character. I like how seriously it takes itself, its ideas, and its audience. I love how much this feels like a classic romance novel I might have read when I got into this 15 years ago. I love the choreography of all of the kisses. I'm haven't cried this much of a BL in a long time.

Shoutouts to @lurkingshan @kyr-kun-chan @wen-kexing-apologist @liyazaki and @ginnymoonbeam for sending me updates while I was busy this afternoon.

#la pluie #la pluie the series #la pluie meta #thai bl #bl series #Ben watches

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fitgothgirl · 5 months

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Hiii look at me making a post! Haven't been super talkative here lately and hardly ever share my workout pics. Here's the one I just finished - I've never seen the t-rex before?? Fuck yeah. 🦖

Things are going pretty well. Since October I've still been successfully slowly cutting back on weed. I'm at the point now where I'm smoking a bowl per evening, if that. I have it locked up in my kSafe until 8pm each day. Soon I'll be updating the rule to 10pm, and after that I'll start smoking every other day, and so on. Me from six months ago smoking all day everyday would not believe I'm at this point! I'm proud. 😁 January 15th is the day I start my official break, two weeks before we leave for Costa Rica, so I'll be sure I won't be withdrawing by then. And when we come back I'm going to keep the break going to hit 8 weeks. Not quitting weed forever but I don't want to come back to the all day everyday shit... Not even daily either. Sounds crazy to me, probably sounds normal to most others though I'm sure lol.

Weight loss has slowed a bit but that's expected now that I'm smaller and I'm like a friggen solitary pound above having a normal BMI lol. Also ever since daylight savings ended, things have been harder to do and I've been feeling more blah. Story of everyone's life I'm sure... So considering all that, I'm still doing really well! No guilt or bad feelings about slowing weight loss or slightly less frequent workouts; no need to rush. At this point I've lost 29lbs/13.2kg total, 19lbs/8.6kg of which have been since late July.

I've also noticed visible muscle! The way my shoulder meets my trap when I flex is more defined, I have more biceps, I can often see my quads, my calf muscle has become an obstacle while shaving lol, etc. Loving it. 💪🏼

An NSV includes wearing more of my women's t-shirts; 95% of my t-shirts are men's shirts (band shirts and Blackcraft lol) since they're more comfy and I often don't like how women's t-shirts fit (depending on how they're cut; women's clothes have zero consistency). But I do have some women's t-shirts and I'm wearing them more again since they fit much better and I'm more confident (my skyrocketing confidence is another NSV!). And another NSV is needing a new belt, and soon here I'm going to need new pants! 😅

Therapy has been helping with all this too of course; I love my therapist. 🖤 She keeps things in perspective and makes sure to hype me up about how awesome I'm doing and tell me to be proud of myself. And since I'm doing so well, she makes sure that I give myself grace when I'm feeling more in a lull. Since things have been harder since DST, I've gotten a bit down or at least worried that I don't want to go back to how I was (health-wise, weed-wise, etc.), but we had a good pep talk yesterday. I'm not even regressing, just slowed down a bit. But who doesn't slow down this time of year...

Anyway, not sure what else to update since it's been a while lol. Had friendsgiving on Thanksgiving weekend, went to Vegas for my bf's work Christmas party a couple weekends ago... Last concert was Psyclon Nine in mid-November (pretty sure that's where I got a cold that emerged a few days later... Either that or an Addams Family musical we went to the next night. But all better now!). And I can't believe I'm saying this but I don't think we have another concert planned until ✝️✝️✝️ (Crosses) in friggen March. So uncharacteristic for us lol. I'm sure we can find something if we want, or I've also been wanting to hit up a Death Guild since it's been a minute for that too. Nothing else too crazy going on, our calendar's been a bit quieter than it has been in years past. But it's kinda nice haha. 😅

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editorialsonlife · 19 days

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HOW IS IT APRIL ALREADY

who wants a chaotic life update coz here we go

We just submitted an offer on a house in palmy, eeeeeeeek. So moving to a whole other city an hour and a half away from where we currently live. Likely to be accepted and have been working through all the admin for mortgage approvals and selling our current home and buying new up there. We’ll be going from a 90m2 house to a 200m2 house on a larger section - it’s going to be hilarious to live somewhere so massive.

Antidepressants are the best things in the world I should have done them years ago.

Work is a wild shitshow, thanks to a prime minister who can’t accept that running a country and a company are two fundamentally different things. Consequently, work is currently calling for voluntary redundancies and then will kick off a change process in May. Will I have a job come 1 July? Who knows. Current math suggests job losses for ~1200 people across our 3500 ish back office staff so watch this space.

Thanks to antidepressants, I can’t even be stressed about this. It’s amazing!!!

Dave got a solid bonus this year, which is amazing. They did it so tough last year through all the flooding and having clients on suicide watch and everything else and they really Fkn earned it so yay. Waiting to find out what his pay rise will be as well.

At least both of us can keep our current jobs when we move and just commute a couple of days a week ( I’m in denial about the reality of this but anyway)

Naturally my sister and her husband couldn’t possibly be left out so have also put an offer on a house up there but it was so impulsive and a really dumb choice but it’s been accepted so their only hope now is they can’t sell their current house.

Fuck I’m glad we don’t have stamp duty in this country.

I signed up for an online bootcamp class on zoom that’s 530 every morning coz let’s be real I ain’t doing nothing after work apart from collapsing in a heap and it’s been so fun! They are v much like, this is your first start back in a while these are your regressions we expect to see you using them and then don’t shame you for it either? And are just like, too hard? Don’t use weights then? And my god is it ever a relief for my poor overweight body to not be forcing it to move in ways it can’t and reminding myself that actually I can do pretty amazing things if I give it a chance and it’s just been such a massive mental win. Maybe over the next few months I might get my eating sorted you never know.

I signed up for it as a 6 week challenge kinda thing and I’m 99% sure I haven’t lost any weight which was not at all the point of signing up for it - it was proving to myself I could be consistent with something and I’ve achieved that so yay.

Dave and I are good which is lovely. Even started talking to the counsellor about all my sex hang ups which is deeply unpleasant and awkward but at least it moving things along a bit??? 🤮🤮🤮😬😬😬😳😳

Have I mentioned lately how good antidepressants are honestly?? I have my brain back and my personality and it’s wild.

We wanna start having kids this year? Also wild.

Had a birthday and now I’m 34 and somehow it’s April? I do not understand time at all honestly.

I fucking love my new doctor he’s actually the best I will not be changing when we move.

I’m excited for a slower, quieter pace of life and more chill. I’m honestly done with my girl boss era. I’ve made the money and chased the titles and it’s exhausting honestly. (Watch this change again rapidly)

I was away for 7 of 8 weekends across Feb and March and it was INSANE. weddings. TAYLOR SWIFT ERAS TOUR!!!!! Birthdays and friend birthday and mum and I went to Pink and other birthdays and it was way too much. Oh, and house hunting mixed in. Plus ya know, a full time job in the mix.

It’s been a Fkn massive start to the year, and she ain’t slowing down any time soon.

Antidepressants man. Wild the difference they have made to my life. WILD.

Happy and grateful for my life and everyone in it and all the madness that it is right now. Someday it’ll be chill right??? I’ve been saying that since 2019 at some point I’ll accept that the answer is no.

Cool cool cool what a wild ride.

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semperreformanda · 8 months

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life update

last june my boss let me go for “not being a good fit”

it didn’t take me long to put two and two together and realize that the big reason was because of my pregnancy. and the biggest support to this theory was he talked negatively about a coworker (who was in the company for 6+ years) who got pregnant, saying stuff like “I don’t want her back … I already know how it goes when employees get pregnant, they’ll start calling out … I don’t want to deal with that” he would say all that stuff to me and others behind her back so I knew I was only gonna stick around to save some $$$ and use the insurance as much as I could

(oh and she was forced to resign bc they literally did not want her there anymore 🙃)

but when it finally happened it drove me in anxiety and anger because I had relied on the insurance especially bc I AM PREGNANT

yes it is illegal yes I should have reported it but I had no energy to do anything

but God reminded me through it all that He provides and He does! and so silly of me to think He could provide for my greatest need (my salvation through Christ) but not provide for our little earthly needs

another reason I was annoyed was I was already planning to quit but they beat me to it 😂 but that was honestly the worst company I’ve ever worked for. I could not deal with the constant disrespect and the yelling and the cussing and their questionable ethics

they stole an engineer’s professional seal and stamp it on their projects WITHOUT HIS APPROVAL meaning all projects are “approved” 🥴 this was the last straw for me bc imagine all the hazards

anyways… that was almost 3 months ago and I honestly feel so relieved to not be working there anymore. I spent too many times feeling so incredibly stressed out and then even more stressed out that I may be hurting the baby from it

speaking of… I am already 27 weeks pregnant today 😭 I remember when I first saw that faint line and thought I was hallucinating things. we tried for months only with a stark white test every month, so seeing a shadow of a line sent chills down my spine. and 27 weeks later my little bubba has gotten so big and active 😭 I love him so much

like it’s so crazy how he’s so close to me but also so far it’s like a long distance relationship 🥴💀

also learned a lot about gestational diabetes bc my hypochondriac brain was convinced I HAD IT

apparently it’s not due to your diet and you can’t even cause it. shocking how this is not widespread knowledge, because so many moms feel guilty for failing their baby when they’re diagnosed but in reality it is mostly your placenta being a jerk 😭

so for the past few days when I got the call that I failed my 1 hour I acted like I had gestational diabetes 😭 became very picky with what I ate, which is hard bc my culture loves rice 😭 and I took 10 min walks after meals

all I could think about was my blood sugars spiking and how I needed to bring it down 💀

also I had to fast for at least 8 hours before I could do my 3 hour glucose test which was honestly so hard bc if you’ve been pregnant you know the pregnancy hunger pangs!!! I cried after my test because I was anxious about having GD and also I felt so bad for my baby 😭😭 like I starved him 😂 even though I know he’s fine in there because placenta n all dat

anyways I just wanted to let you guys in on that bc why not and also I’m bored and drinking chai while my husband works besides me 🙂🤠

#also our church family has been so kind in giving us their baby stuff!!!#so helpful bc baby stuff can be pricey

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ncisfranchise-source · 1 month

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The NCIS franchise will be airing its 1,000th episode on April 15, and CBS Studios President David Stapf has been involved in every single one of them. Because he was head of CBS current programming at the time, he even participated in the development of the mothership series from Day 1 because it originated as two back-door pilot episodes of an existing show, JAG, that aired in April 2003. He was in on all casting sessions and still remembers Pauley Perrette’s audition that won her the role of Abby in the room.

Scheduled against then-Fox juggernaut American Idol, NCIS, about a little known branch of the U.S. military, got off to an inauspicious start, finishing its first season ranked #26. By Season 7, it was the most watched TV drama, holding its own against Idol, and became the most watched program overall three seasons later while also ruling syndication.

CBS’ Entertainment President Amy Reisenbach has been with the show since Season 8 when she was assigned as the day-to-day current executive on the drama and quickly became a fan. At the time NCIS had already spawned one spinoff, NCIS: LA. It was followed by NCIS: New Orleans in 2014; the franchise’s first female-led offshoot NCIS: Hawai’i in 2021; the first international installment, NCIS: Sydney, last year; as well as the upcoming prequel NCIS: Origins for CBS, executive produced and narrated by Mark Harmon and starring Austin Stowell as Leroy Jethro Gibbs in the 1990s; and an Europe-set Tony & Ziva spinoff for Paramount+, starring NCIS alums Michael Weatherly and Cote de Pablo.

The latest pickups make NCIS the largest procedural franchise ever with five current series. They also will help grow the franchise’s global audience, estimated to be more than 300 million viewers in 2023 by producer CBS Studios, which has licensed it in over 200 markets, and the franchise’s staggering current U.S. tally of 4.37 trillion minutes viewed.

In an interview with Deadline, Stapf and Reisenbach, who was promoted to the CBS Entertainment president post in November 2022, discuss expanding the NCIS universe, how the latest additions came about and potential crossovers. They provide an update on the Tony & Ziva spinoff’s title, production start date and possible cast additions, and on the renewal status for NCIS and NCIS: Hawai’i. The duo also address the prospects for Mark Harmon to appear on NCIS or Origins and for a potential Perrette and Scott Bakula return to the franchise, share plans for further NCIS installments, and how big the franchise can get.

DEADLINE: NCIS: Sydney just got picked up yesterday for a second season. What about NCIS and NCIS Hawai’i? Are you already working on their renewals?

REISENBACH: Like we talked about it a couple months ago, NCIS is a cornerstone of our schedule. The actors love doing it, and the writers continue to fire on all cylinders. As far as the future, we’re thrilled to have them on the air and they want to keep doing it, so we’re going to keep doing it.

DEADLINE: So it’s looking good for NCIS and Hawai’i to come back next season?

REISENBACH: It’s still only March, and we haven’t made all of our deals and decision-making so it’s a little early to officially confirm anything.

DEADLINE: Sydney was used as strike contingency last fall. What was the impetus to bring it back to CBS with the strike over? Are you going to use it as a summer series?

REISENBACH: I can’t tell you where it’s going to air yet because we haven’t figured that out to be honest. Again, that’s sort of the too soon to tell category. But the show resonated, it was the number one show until we brought back the rest of the schedule. It came on and did really well without much of our launch platform.

We had a great launch campaign for it, if you remember, we did these amazing upside-down promos during football that got a lot of attention. So I think just the fact that it launched with very little original programming surrounding it and did so well, it has earned a spot back on the schedule at some point for sure.

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DEADLINE: In expanding the NCIS franchise, you originally took the traditional route, replicating the general formula in a new location with LA and New Orleans. Then in close succession, you ordered Hawai’i and Australia-set Sydney, which have a similar setup, followed by the pickups of prequel Origins and the Tony and Ziva spinoff this year. When did that accelerated expansion master plan start and where are we in it right now?

STAPF: The master plan started a long time ago. We had NCIS. It certainly worked well enough to spawn a spinoff, LA, which also worked really well, that was on for 13 years, I think that show doesn’t get the credit it deserves as expanding the franchise but also deepening the love of the franchise for viewers.

We knew and always wanted to expand it, but when you’re dealing with a franchise, you don’t want to oversaturate the market, you don’t want to dilute the value of each individual show. So it really comes down to somebody coming in with an idea for a show that could stand on its own and could be part of the franchise but is wholly unique from any of the others. Hawai’i certainly did that in the way that it was unique, a female lead, set in Hawaii. We were just coming off Hawaii Five-0, a very successful show. People love that setting, it plays well over the globe.

REISENBACH: There is a big military presence too in Hawaii that makes sense.

STAPF: Sydney certainly was not intended for the States. The strike afforded the network the ability to utilize it but that was going to be P+ Australia and Network 10. I would love to say we didn’t get lucky, that it was planned, we knew it was going to be as great as it is. But we got lucky, that show is really well done. It very much has the DNA of what makes NCIS work, humor, family, etc.

In the case of Origins, Mark and Sean Harman had this idea with [writers] David North and Gina Monreal, and they brought it to us. I was like, oh my gosh, this idea is great. Commissioned a script, the script was even better. So it’s like, okay, can this show exist within the framework of the franchise we have? And we do believe it can, particularly because it’s a prequel. And because NCIS has been on for so long and Mark’s been gone for a while, there’s genuine interest in, how did Gibbs become Gibbs, who was that guy? So again, there was an organic reason to do it vs. us just saying, let’s just throw on another NCIS.

Tony and Ziva, it’s one of the most unrequited love stories for the audience, the audience loved Tony and Ziva. And in the audience’s mind, and in our mind, they left too soon. So, reuniting them with a global audience is the intent on that show. And because it’s going to be on Paramount+, it can exist within the universe without, in our minds, cannibalizing anything else.

REISENBACH: I would also add just two things to that. One, I think that [CBS President and CEO] George Cheeks arriving [in 2020], he really embraced the show and saw the potential and immediately identified that as an area to be looking at when opportunities arise. And I think the [NCIS-LA-Hawai’i] three-way crossover we did, the fact that it was so successful for us. The fans loved it so much and the actors and the writers loved doing it, and it showed that they love the opportunity to see these worlds and these characters collide.

DEADLINE: You mentioned how Origins came about but not the Tony and Ziva spinoff. How did it originate?

STAPF: Michael and Cote have been talking about this show for years and years and years. So they were the ones that cooked up the rough edges of the idea, went to [writer] John McNamara, along with us, saying, we’d love to do this show. And the timing was right.

DEADLINE: Did that happen after the end of Michael’s other CBS show, Bull?

STAPF: They had started talking about it before, somewhere after they had both left NCIS. Put yourself in their shoes. They’re constantly getting hit up by fans as to, oh my god, I miss you. When are you going to be back together, what happened to your child and all that stuff. And so, again, I keep saying it but there was an organic reason for this show to exist, it was almost like a fan demand for it.

DEADLINE: You mentioned that they may have left too soon. Why did they leave so soon?

STAPF: In the fans’ minds. They would want them on for a 100 years.

REISENBACH: Well, both of them were on the show a long time.

STAPF: A really, really long time.

DEADLINE: Do we have a title for the Tony and Ziva spinoff yet?

STAPF: Not yet.

DEADLINE: Amy, are you jealous that the spinoff didn’t come to CBS?

REISENBACH: Hm, jealous? Yeah, a little bit, I’m not going to lie, sure. I’m a Tiva fan like everyone else. BTW, the phrase Tiva was one of the original couple names that ever existed, I don’t think we get enough credit for that.

But we all work together. We are all one ecosystem, and I have no doubt that Origins and the shows that live on the network will drive viewers over at P+ and likewise their show will send them back our way, and that’s what matters most, that people are watching it and I think, it’s such a treat for the fans no matter wherever it airs.

DEADLINE: Was there even a conversation for the spinoff to air on CBS or was it always supposed to be a Paramount+ show?

STAPF: No, it was always designed to be a streaming show.

DEADLINE: Would the premiere at least air on CBS in the tradition of P+ shows with CBS history such as Star Trek: Discovery or SEAL Team?

STAPF: It’s a good question. We haven’t dealt with it yet. We don’t start shooting until summer so I’ll start annoying Amy with that sometime this summer.

DEADLINE: Is there a possibility for other former NCIS cast members to join Michael Weatherly and Code de Pablo in the new series?

STAPF: In all honesty, as it’s designed now, no, but never say never.

DEADLINE: This is your second internationally-based NCIS spinoff after Sydney, which is interesting since NCIS is a unit of the U.S. military that does not exist abroad. You found two different ways to extend the franchise beyond the U.S. Do you have ideas for more offshoots in other areas of the world and how are you going to pull that off?

STAPF: There could be but we don’t look at the setting or the geographical location determining what the story should be. It’s more about what’s a good story to tell, where would this organically happen? We’re constantly fielding pitches and coming up with ideas of our own. But you don’t want to rush anything, you want to get it right. You certainly don’t want to, like I said before, dilute the shows that are on by having too much on or having any that are on that aren’t of the quality of the rest of them.

DEADLINE: Do you have anything currently in development in the NCIS universe?

STAPF: Nothing that’s close enough to talk about.

DEADLINE: But in the plan, is there a timetable about maybe adding a new series to the universe every couple of years? You’ve announced four in the past three years.

STAPF: If it organically comes about, and there’s a reason for that show to exist, then yes. But we’re not looking at it as a math problem of, we want two every four years…

REISENBACH: It’s not like when they announced Star Wars and they said, there’ll be a new Star Wars movie every year. We don’t have a plan like that.

STAPF: We don’t want a plan like that.

DEADLINE: Amy mentioned the success of the three-way crossover. What are the possibilities, particularly for the Tony and Ziva show, to be part of NCIS crossovers? Can they appear on NCIS? Michael recently did a cameo in the David McCallum tribute episode. Was it tied to his work on the spinoff?

REISENBACH: I can speak to the cameo. That was just Michael wanting to honor David McCallum, and we thought it was important as well to make sure that we tied in iconic characters like that. He just wanted to show up and was game to do it because of his love of the show.

STAPF: And his love for David. it was such a nice moment for the fans too.

DEADLINE: And in terms of potential crossovers?

STAPF: There could be. We’re not there yet, writers room just started on Tony and Ziva.

REISENBACH: With Origins, I don’t see a possibility because it takes place in the past but we’re always looking for opportunities. It was obviously a shortened season, so it was tough to do that [with NCIS and Hawai’i] this year. Otherwise we would have. We’ll keep looking for those opportunities for sure.

DEADLINE: On Origins, Mark Harmon is an executive producer and a narrator. He could appear in flash-forwards. Is this something that’s you’re considering? And is there a possibility for Mark to return to NCIS one day?

REISENBACH: The door for Mark is always open, It’s really up to him. In terms of flash-forwards, I don’t think it’s something we’ve talked about, that doesn’t feel like the DNA of that show to me, at least right now. But you never know, when we’re in Season 10, we’re taking creative risks and having fun. So if that’s something Gina and David wanted to tackle down the road, we’d be open to it.

DEADLINE: You have brought back a few actors from other NCIS shows, LA‘s LL Cool J is now on Hawai’i. Is this something that you’re planning to continue, keeping the universe going? Can we see New Orleans‘ Scott Bakula pop up somewhere; we haven’t seen him in a couple of years.

STAPF: It’s really writer-driven. As Amy said, we’re open to anything and everything. So if any of the writers have a good idea, and it feels organic, and more on story and make sense versus just doing it to do a stunt, sure, we are open to it.

REISENBACH: [LA‘s] Daniela [Ruah] has been directing, she started directing on LA, she’s directing on Hawai’i and NCIS mothership this year as well. I think when you get into this universe and become a part of the family, we’re always happy to have you back in any capacity.

DEADLINE: What about Pauley? Is there a possibility for her either returning to NCIS or you doing a new show around her character Abby the way you treated Tony and Ziva?

STAPF: Not a bad idea. We haven’t talked about it or thought about it. We love Pauley, and she’s always welcome in any of the NCIS franchise, but it hasn’t come to us from the writers and/or from her. I kind of was kidding when I said, it’s not a bad idea but it’s genuinely not a bad idea, she was a beloved character.

DEADLINE: NCIS was a late bloomer, rising to the top of the rankings later in its run. It seems like it was one of those shows that just stuck around, something that maybe wouldn’t have happened in today’s environment when shows get canceled much faster.

STAPF: Except it was around its second or third season, Armando Nuñez, our head of distribution, called me and said, are you noticing what’s going on with NCIS internationally? I was like, no, that’s your job. And he said, it’s exploding. Every market it was in, it was doing extraordinarily well. It was selling really well, which was always a surprise to me because it’s about a unit of the military that nobody had ever really heard of. And it was a very American military [show] so I figured it’s not going to work over there, but it did.

So it was a bigger hit globally than it was in the U.S., and the U.S. sort of trailed it. It really started to take off — maybe it wasn’t number one — but it climbed in the ratings precipitously. I think in year four or five, it became hey, this show is doing something.

DEADLINE: Over the years, NCIS has dealt with major cast departures, including Mark Harmon, the deaths of showrunner Gary Glasberg and David McCallum, behind-the-scene changes. To what do you attribute the longevity of show which continues to be at the top of the ratings?

REISENBACH: For me, I attribute it to the fact that there’s always been a core feeling that the people who write the show, the people who produce it, the crew and the actors, no matter whether they were there from the beginning or not, they understand the DNA of the show, and they’ve always stayed true to that.

Nobody who’s come in has ever been like, oh, well now I need to fix it. Everyone understood it’s a concept that works, it’s characters that work. And it’s not about those specific characters, but the type of characters and the specificity of the characters and the love that these characters show each other so openly that I think has transcended, no matter who’s running the show, or who’s been on the show at any given time.

STAPF: It’s sort of wish fulfillment TV. You want to know that there are people like this in the world that have your back from a law enforcement agency angle, but it’s also a fun workplace show, and the bond that they have and the sh*t that they give each other and the way that they interact, is comforting.

The show has a ton of heart, humor, always has a good mystery. And I think there’s something comforting to, the bad guys are always identified and put down by the good guys or our guys. And that happens on an episodic basis. I think that the comfort of that has hit the right chord with the audiences for 21 years and will continue on for another 20 years or something. I honestly believe this franchise will never get stale.

REISENBACH: I think being in Season 21 doesn’t lower the degree of difficulty. If anything, it makes it harder. They’ve got 400-plus episodes behind them of quality shows, and the fact that they continue to hold themselves up to such a high standard. As long as they’re shooting for the stars — and all the shows really are — we want to keep doing them.

DEADLINE: Do you have a dream NCIS spinoff? What do you want to see from the universe going forward?

STAPF: Just that it continues to resonate like it is. There’s a stat like 300 million people watched an NCIS last year. Clearly, globally, it’s resonating with viewers. So to continue that, the level of quality on the shows, along with pleasing and garnering the audience that we’re getting. And it’s kind of fun. It’s wild to think that there’s five NCIS series.

REISENBACH: But also unique.

STAPF: Exactly.

DEADLINE: Is five as big as it gets in terms of how many NCISs you can sustain at the same time?

STAPF: Not necessarily. It will come down to the individual shows that we develop. I think if there’s the right timing and fit within the universe, then it doesn’t have to be limited to five.

REISENBACH: We are always asking and challenging not only the writers who are pitching to us but ourselves, why now? Why does it need to exist, what feels fresh?

DEADLINE: So what is the goal? The NCIS franchise is hitting 1,000 episodes. Do you think you can get to 2,000?

STAPF: For me the goal is that in 10 years, there’s other people sitting in our seats that are watching over NCIS.

REISENBACH: Where am I going? I just got this job.

STAPF: OK, in 20 years.

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