#but they still owned it and what if u could own that... in a queer way

[bmpmp3]

dysgraphic artiƨts risɘ UP!!!!!

[coolspacequips]

Just thinking abt trans lance having such fit arms and chest that as a member of the itty bitty titty committee, he gets so flat he doesn't bind or cover up, with complete comfort and confidence.

I'm talking Sniper Aerialist Gender Euphoria, folks.

[freakassfemme]

MWAH wishing u a speedy recovery!!!!! listen u always do my requests sm justice YOU JUST GET IT, i will always crawl back into ur askbox i am patiently waiting while kicking my feet :3

original ask YOU ARE SO SWEET! I appreciate you. here u go, i have brought you a gift <3 unfortunately my only explanation to 'getting it' is that I am always having or striving to have filthy nasty lesbian and queer interactions. or I am writing or reading about it. my sole purpose on this earth is to curate queer experiences. hope that helps <3 btw I wrote this from 6 - 9 am so bare with me wc: 2.9k warnings: metaphorically consuming each other as a form of desire, yeah I know I switched present/past tense its a bad habit of mine but I *don't care* nor do I care about consistent capitalization, I'm crazy for this woman obviously, rough sex, f/f, vagina/breast anatomy, biting, overstimulation, crying, maybe I get a little too poetic about gay sex, proof read by only me one singular time and it was mainly to see if the music fit the vibe, penetration, scissoring, I love pussy, orgasm denial x1 (?), slight size kink and worship but really that's in all my fics

see how it shines [smut] ﾟ+..｡*ﾟ

playlist: it will come back / be / abstract (psychopomp)

(yeah we r bringing hozier into this </3)

eighteen fucking hours. that's how long you'd been clocked in at the medical bay for what seemed to have been maybe the third or fourth time this week, and it was only Thursday.

the truth was, medics and doctors were dropping like flies these days, going AWOL and leaving the remaining staff to work what would need twenty sets of hands with maybe seven or eight. with the seraphites becoming more aggressive everyday, the peace in the stadium and other bases for the WLF had been short-lived, and many understandably weren't holding up well to the pressure, especially with the way the cleanup crews had been hauling back nonstop truckloads of friends and loved ones, and requests to be stationed elsewhere other than the stadium and two were immediately denied at this point.

so yeah, you were pretty fucking tired. at this point in the staffing shortage, they were having to send the folks on watch on additional rounds just to bring food to medics, on duty or at home, because they were simply too exhausted to go down to dining.

no one even acknowledged you as your blood and mud-ridden boots skidded across the concrete floors, your eyes practically closed even as you walked through crowds to get back to your dorm. the soldiers, civilians and staff alike parted like water around you, making an avoidant path and trying not too hard to look at you or the posters on the wall, outright begging people to sign up for medical classes.

you kicked the food delivery box inside of your dorm as you unlocked it, hands fumbling with your forehead pressed against the cold metal. inside, you quickly stripped out of your uniform top and boots, and crashed out on the couch.

abby herself was exhausted when she trudged into your shared living space hours after you, having just come off of a 48 hour rotation. her eyes wandered over the little trail of belongings leading to you on the couch, the boots left a few steps after the other, your button up discarded over the railing and the abandoned delivery box just a few feet from the door, which she didn't notice until she nearly slipped over it, causing a loud thump that had her wincing.

her eyes flicked to you, where she could only see the back of your head, and when she decided you weren't going to stir, she let out a sigh of relief and began stripping herself of her own uniform.

on her way over to the bathroom, she stopped next to you, taking in your splayed out form. your hair was a fucking mess, and you still had drops of (hopefully) someone else's blood across your forearms, one thrown against the back of the couch and the other hanging over the side. your pants were halfway undone, like you had tried an attempt that you decided wasn't worth the energy, and you looked pale as a ghost.

as much as abby wanted to let you sleep, wanted to let you get the rest you needed, she couldn't leave you like this. it'd been at least three days since she last saw you for more than a fleeting lunch break, and she couldn't find it in her to take care of herself and not you, especially when you had been eating away at yourself providing the undying care to strangers who wouldn't want to return it even in several lifetimes.

she sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose before she nodded, crouching down and grunting from the soreness of her own body as she scooped you up.

when you groaned and gave a small shove back, she hushed you, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

"c'mon, sweet girl, it's just me. i got you."

you hadn't put up much of a fight when abby propped you up on the sink. you leaned the back of your head against the mirror as she shimmied your pants and socks off of you, stripping your shirt and undergarments next until your cold skin was left against the glass and stainless steel, and you began to shudder. abby was quick about turning up the hot water in the shower though, allowing the steam fill the room before she helped you to your feet, letting you lean against her and whisper weak protests as you climbed into the hot shower.

instantly, you relaxed against her, and she ran her fingers through your hair, fully saturating the dirty strands as you sighed, wrapping your arms around her firm waist to steady yourself.

you stayed like that for a while, pressed against your girlfriend's tone form as you slowly collected your own strength, letting her gentle hands and soft voice lull you back from your weak state until you could help her wash you both up, even if it took a bit longer than usual.

"lean your head forward f'me, angel," abby murmured, one of her large palms warming up your spine with gentle caresses as she held a half-formed braid of your hair in the other. you obeyed quietly, letting abby tie back your now managed hair into something similar to how she usually kept hers, though she left her own loose.

when she was done, abby shifted closer behind you in the bed, her arms slipping underneath your borrowed shirt to hold you against her. she buried her face into your neck, letting you curl into her until you were turned on your side and entirely wrapped in her strong arms.

her nose nudged yours, and your eyes weakly fluttered open to meet abby's soft gaze, her seafoam eyes almost hauntingly bright against the cool illumination of the moonlit windows. it spooked you a bit, in all honesty, to have her this close to you again after so many days, days where you had considered the other possibilities in which she may come back to you.

you weren't any less unnerving to her -- she could tell you hadn't been eating nearly enough since she had been gone, and in just a few short days you already looked withered enough to drop like a limp daisy. your skin was ghostly, its usual warmth dampened from a lack of sunlight.

still, she was your girl, and you were hers, even in your worn states. and god, she had missed you.

abby's pine soap filled your nose as she pressed her lips into yours, the warm skin hesitant under your cool, cracked ones, and you accepted her gratefully, even if just for a moment it was as useless as whiskey on a winter night.

but then, of course, like any decent drink, the buzz hits.

and even though your limbs are screaming against you as you do so, your fingers curl into abby's loose hair, and you turn your head just a bit more. when you kiss back, abby's shyness, her gentleness quickly melts away, replenished by a hunger matching your own as you desperately search for more of her, pulling her against you like you hoped to swallow her whole.

your teeth crashed against her soft skin, tugging at her lip and making a slot for your tongue to force its way into her mouth. instantly, she shuddered, groaning into you in a way that you could feel the vibrations in her chest. it was like an open invitation, a warm meal laid out just for you, and you accepted it greedily.

you pulled abby on top of you by her hair, whining back when she moaned against your lips again. her own hand snaked up your body, squeezing at your thighs and hips as she fell on top of you, then pushing your oversized shirt over your chest, exposing your chest and making a clear pathway for herself. still, as starving as she was, she tried to take her time with you, wrapping her fingers around your jaw to hold you in place, and only stiffening up when you parted your legs, wrapping them around her and shoving your bare cunt against her firm stomach.

"wait," she whispered against your lips, "wait f'me, baby. let me have some."

you whine and protest as abby's strong arm holds you down by your throat, her other coming down to pin your fighting, impatient wrists to your stomach.

"baby, baby please," you're crying between broken moans as her tongue runs up your neck, stopping just so you can feel her heavy breathing against the shell of your ear when she slowly begins to work her hips against yours, the fabric of her boxers smearing your arousal across her thighs.

"fuck, baby I know," she groans, and if it wasn't for the way she gritted her teeth, you'd think she was annoyed rather than desperately holding herself together.

"abby, I --"

abby's hand on your jaw slips up some so she can shove two of her fingers in your mouth, and she lets out a stupid, desperate moan when she feels you choke around them for a second. then your eyes roll back just when she looks up, checking on her little angel, and she can't help but grunt louder, slamming her hips into your core in a way that makes you keen and your back arch, your smaller fists squeezing underneath her grip.

"god, shut up," she's practically begging as her hips rut into you. "please just, fuck, be quiet for a second, shit -"

she buries her face in your neck again, trying to satiate herself and regain some of her sanity, but your legs are now locked around her, pulling her against you in a way that has her clit brushing deliciously against the seam of her boxers. her head spins every time, and she lets out broken whines as she feels herself already tipping dangerously towards that edge as your body fights to consume her.

and god, it's torture for her, but for you, you just can't get enough. your fucking beast of a girlfriend trying so futilely to hold it together from just this stupid game of dry humping, when you're so, so willing to give her so much more.

let me have you, let me have you, you're chanting in your mind, your ankles pushing at the hem of abby's boxers.

you swallow around her fingers, and that seems to do it for her, granting you some edge as her other hand releases your wrists and flies to the side to hold herself up as her back arches against you with a loud groan.

your hands rush on to her back, your nails finding purchase just below her shoulder blades and ripping down the muscle until her fingers tear from your throat to slam against the bed and she stifles a cry by biting down on the base of your neck so hard that for a moment, you're worried she might draw blood.

"fuck," you rasp out against the pressure.

abby's shaking in your arms, moaning between the prettiest sobs as she gives in. she's pliant when your hands slip down to grab at her ass, and she lifts her hips to help you slip her boxers off, kicking them behind her.

she leans back, her blonde hair dripping onto your exposed tits. the cold water makes you shudder, and you let abby shove her bare cunt between your legs and slotting one thigh over you.

your lips fall in a open-mouthed gasp and she swears as her entrance rocks against your throbbing clit, one of her hands coming down to steady your hips and the other to hold her shirt up over her stomach so she can see the way you're making a mess of her thighs.

she stays there for a minute, brutalizing your bundle of nerves for her own pleasure. your head falls against the mattress, and you let out ridiculous whines, your hands fisting and slamming against the sheets below you, even coming up to claw at her strong thighs that kept you pinned so tightly in place.

"fuck, fuck, 's too much," you're choking out, and now it's your turn for the waterworks while abby only chuckles, laughing breathlessly as she presses down harder.

"no, no baby," she coos between her own moans, running her tongue over her teeth as she shudders. She slips her hips down some until you're fully rutting against each other again, the sheer wetness making it that much more difficult for your brain to process. "'s not, sweetheart, you can take it. i know you can baby."

you shake your head, and abby rolls her eyes, quickening her pace until your cheeks rouge and your whining grows. your hips twitch beneath her, uncontrollably bucking up to kiss her pussy again and again and again despite your pleas.

"what's wrong?" she purrs, her hand coming from your hips to run itself down from your neck, to your chest, to the back of your thigh. "thought you wanted it, thought you were begging for it, baby."

you whine again, shivering under her touch as she leans down, her mouth capturing the meat of your thigh as she rocks against you. she bites harder with each push and pull, and your tired body can't take it. it's too easy to get worked up for her like this.

"abs, ohmygod, stop, 'm gonna-"

abby's all to keen, knows exactly what you're going to say before you can even finish your sentence.

"shit, fuck, no you're not," abby grunts, ripping away from you in an instant.

your arched back hits the mattress with a full on sob, and you can feel your unsatisfied arousal leaking onto the sheets, the sickness between your thighs and on your stomach, the smell of abby, abby, abbyabbyabby until you jolt back up, letting out a small cry at the sudden impact against your clit.

she does it again and again, slapping your swollen cunt until your body is on the verge of cumming just from this. you're already so pent up, so touch-starved that you'd probably cum just from her biting you again, and she knows it, knows you're both like that right now.

your arms prop you up as one of her hands holds open your parted thighs, and her lips are consuming yours again as she growls with every spasm and whine she pulls from you. she doesn't stop until she really thinks you might burst, when you're starting to lift your hips for more instead of trying to hide away.

"god, you're filthy, baby," she groans against your mouth, and you only nod dumbly, knees shaking as you try to catch your breath. she's kneeling between your legs, ready to worship her sweet slice of heaven, ready to piece you back together.

abby's hand comes down gently this time, just the tip of her middle finger tracing over the mess between your legs until she's prodding it against your entrance so delicately that your brain nearly short-circuits.

she looks back up at you, her chest heaving from some sort of late-onset restraint and with such devotion filling her dilated eyes that you almost can't move, can't breathe. her eyes rake over you, holding every detail for an extra moment to commit it to memory, and when it's clear you're too awestruck by her, too overwhelmed by the sight of her poised in reverence, she speaks for you.

"gonna let me in, pretty girl?" abby asks, the words dripping off of her tongue like a velvety chocolate. you nod stupidly, your head bobbing in a way that's a little too eager, but she doesn't say anything about it.

instead, she hums, licking her lips as she wraps a hand around your head, pulling you so that her nose bumps against yours. abby presses her lips against yours, and one of your hands shakes as it finds its way up to grasp at her bicep. she's much more gentle this time, much more cautious as the tip of her finger begins to delve inside.

you pull away from her lips with a gasp when she intrudes, turning your face to hide it in your shoulder. you can't help but squeeze around the single digit, your knees already trembling.

"uh-uh," she tsks softly, her raspy voice echoing against your ear. she kisses your temple, and her hand slides down some to turn your face back towards her.

"let me see you," she whispers, sucking in a gasp as she pushes her finger farther into you, curving her palm to fit snugly against you.

your eyes flutter up to hers, almost shyly as you feel your ears burn and your eyes threaten to water as she holds your gaze. she nods when you do, curling her finger inside of you as she praises you, the ridges of your walls clinging to her finger so tightly that she's taking small, shallow breaths now.

"that's it," she murmurs, holding your head in place so you have to look at her. "that's my girl."

you let out a small whimper, the embarrassment running straight to your core as she begins to work her finger in and out, guiding it further each time until the base of her thumb glides over your clit. when it does, she groans, and can't help but push her hand harder against you until she's practically shoving you into the mattress and you swear you can feel her in your throat.

stars flutter around the blurry edges of the halo that is her golden hair, and the tears in your eyes begin to slip again between the way she's carving a god damn signature inside of you and how she's holding you so tightly against her.

you open your mouth, trying to speak but hopelessly interrupted by a mixed sob and moan. she chuckles softly, but it's tender and sweet, and she nods, brushing her thumb over your temple.

"I know, sweetheart, I know."

[the-record]

kissing lessons: 2

synopsis: ellie was your first kiss, but she moved away and you never spoke again. what happens when she moves back to town ten years later?

song: kissing lessons - lucy dacus

pairing: college!ellie x reader

warnings: mean moms, implied homophobia

a/n: uhm wow thank you so much for all the love the first part 🫶 yall are angels and i love u all! thinking this is a series!!!!!!

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4

“damn. you grew up.”

you laughed, coming over and pulling ellie into a hug. “so did you, jesus.” you let go of her and joel pulled you into a hug of his own. “hi mr. miller.”

“jesus kid, how many times do i have to say not to call me that! its joel.”

the air was awkward as you pulled away from them both, memories of your childhood floating through your mind. “so, uhm, what are y’all doing back here? thought you wanted to be close to tommy?”

joel sighed and leaned on the cart he had been pushing. “yea, well, ellie wanted to go to school here.”

“they’ve got a great art program.” ellie interrupted. “didn’t think id get in, but i did on a scholarship, so we decided to come back.”

you smiled at her. “wow that’s amazing, you’ll have to show me your stuff some time!”

“absolutely, shes amazing.” joel said, throwing an arm around her shoulder. “what about you, are you still in school?”

you sighed and switched your basket to the other hand. “unfortunately, last year though!” you smiled.

“thats the spirit.” joel pat you on the shoulder. “we better get going, but it’s good to see you angel. hope we get to see more of you.” he turned back to the cart, looking at the list as he headed down the cereal aisle.

ellie cleared her throat before speaking again. “hey, can i get your number? y’know so we can catch up?”

“yeah, of course!” she slipped her phone into your hands, watching as you added your number to a new contact. “it’s really good to see you.” you said as you put your free arm around her neck in a hug.

“yea it is.” her arm squeezed your middle for a moment before you both let go, heading opposite ways. “see you around angel.”

“what’s got you so smiley?” your mom wondered as she chopped vegetables beside you.

you set down the knife your were holding, turning around to lean on the counter. “you remember ellie? the girl i was, like, best friends with in elementary school?” she nodded, her eyes flashing between you and the onion. “saw her and mr. miller at the grocery store. i guess they’re moving back so ellie can go to school here.”

she hummed, no reaction on her face. “will you get the chicken out the fridge for me?” she looked up when you didn’t move, just staring at her. “what?”

“you tell me.”

she sighed and set down her knife, getting the chicken herself. “i just… i never liked that girl.” she closed the fridge door and cut open the chicken, putting it in a bowl with some seasoning. “mr. miller is very kind, and his sarah is a sweetie.” she clicked her tounge. “but ellie seemed to be a bad influence on you. something off about that girl.”

you knew exactly what she meant.

ellie was a trouble maker. back-talking teachers, and pranking neighbors. and she was never the girly-girl the moms wanted her to be. too tomboy-ish for their daughters.

too queer for them.

“whatever.” you left the kitchen, grabbing your keys and walking out the front door like you used to all those years ago. you heard your mom call out for you as you left, but you ignored her, getting in your car and pulling away.

ellie had texted you earlier to give you her number, claiming she was always free.

e: hey angel its ellie 3:48

a: hey. glad i saw you today. 3:52

a: when are you free? 3:52

e: always 3:54

a: u free now??? 5:36

e: yea come over 5:36

e: sent a pin 📍 5:37

ellie raced down the stairs as you knocked on the door, yelling at joel “i got it” before he could get up.

he laughed and turned back to the tv. she’d done that as a kid too, never more excited than when you came over. she composed herself before unlocking and opening the door, a shy smile on her face.

“hey, come in.” she stepped back, watching you come inside and slide off your shoes along side hers. she took your hand, a habit she never dropped, and led you upstairs to her room.

“hey angel!”

you smiled softly, peeking around a corner and seeing joel watching the news. “hi mr. miller.”

“it’s joel!”

ellie rolled her eyes, pulling at your arm. you scoffed, letting her guide you. “now, my room is just bones right now. im only here temporarily so…”

she wasn’t joking.

her bed frame sat against a wall not put together, all her stuff in boxes. a suitcase sat by the closet with clothes and essentials. her mattress tucked in a corner with sheets and a pillow. walls bare and books hidden.

“this is boring.” you teased as you flopped onto her mattress face first. when you looked over to ellie she was standing awkwardly at the door, hands at her sides and eyes on the floor. “what the hell are you doing?”

she shrugged, shuffling forward. “ ‘don’t know. feels weird.”

you laughed, staring at her incredulously. “you just yanked me up your stairs to your room, and now it’s weird?”

“you’re right.” she stood at the foot of the mattress before falling on top of you.

“jesus!”

ellie gasped and rolled off you. “do not say the lord’s name in vain missy! can you imagine what your mother would do if she heard?”

she felt the energy sour at the mention of your mom. “you okay?”

she watched as you sat up and followed suit, sitting criss cross in front of you. “i hate living with her. she finds a way to ruin everything.” you picked at the hole on your jeans, pulling at the white threads.

“let me guess,” ellie said, leaning onto her hands behind her. “not so happy to hear im back in town.” you looked at her with a guilty expression. “she never liked me. none of the moms did.”

“yea, well, theyre all idiots.” you huffed and picked at her jeans instead. “she just… any time im excited she has to find a way to ruin it. i just wanna move out.”

you were both silent for a minute. ellie watched as you picked and twisted the the strings on her pants, separating them just to pinch them back together. “move in with me.”

your head shot up to look at her.

[xiki-pupper]

I can understand how Shuro may be a frustrating character to some folks - in fact that is kinda what he is there for, narratively speaking. But it really gives me ick when people just wanna shit on him for "being awful/the worst/an asshole"

The way I see it, the dude is his own different flavor of Autism- repressed, conditioned, awkward, and forced to participate in high society, not to mention the culture clash - and he sees laios just being his own weirdo self and he hates it --- no, thats not it. I honestly don't think he hates laios; i truly believe he hates that Laios gets to be TRUE to himself, and he (shuro) Doesn't get to be.

And it's a feeling I can understand and sympathize and empathize with, as I have been on my own personal journey to try and un-mask and deconstruct and heal myself in a world that has made me feel broken my entire life

People scream "hypocrisy" as shuro sees the same traits between the touden siblings, and is attracted to one whilst hating the other - and yes, I can agree that it's a bit hypocritical, but yall are taking it at face value and not understanding where his feelings are coming from. Shuro doesn't hate laios because he has a special interest, shuro hates that his whole life, he has had to squash himself into a form-fitting box, behave as his family commands, and now he sees laios being free of expectation, just out here being a weirdo, and shuro is possibly feeling that frustrated grief that comes with the late diagnosed autistic situation of "I could have been happy, too, but no, *I* had to be the responsible one"

... at least, that's how I view it. Coz I myself have had those thoughts. And I know, it's NOT a good look for me to be out here admitting that I have felt this way, like for example, maybe I see someone else's struggle with anxiety, whether it's online or in real life, and I have this bitter thought to myself of "yeah, I have anxiety too, but *I* was still forced to be a responsible adult anyway" which makes me momentarily frustrated.

And before anyone jumps my ass about it, NO, I definitely DO NOT think that "if I had to suffer thru it, so should everyone else" that's NOT what I'm saying. But I AM saying that, there is a bitterness, when u see someone who is able to avoid a struggle that you had to endure - that bitterness is NOT thinking that everyone should suffer as I did, but me being bitter that *I had to* at all.

Does that make sense? Coz I really feel like Shuro just gets shit on because people think he's there to interrupt the Yuri and be mean to Laois, and I really feel that he's a whole ass person. And a somewhat melancholic one, at that. He makes me think of how I had to grow up Christian whilst being queer and undiagnosed Audhd my entire life, and I would be very very surprised to hear that a large chunk of dunmeshi fans didn't ALSO grow up this way, feeling broken and stupid and tired, forced to do things the "normal people" way, and then NOT understand how Shuro feels when he sees someone who is in a position to be mostly free of that...

[userttpd]

Hi! Can you recommend me your favourite spuffy fics? Any genre is welcome I desperately need the void after finishing bingewatching Buffy 😭. Thank u xx

hi! thank you so much for giving me an excuse to share my favorite spuffy works! if you read any of these, please come back and lets talk about it! okay here's the list:

these are all completed on ao3, most of them contain smut, most are oneshots, no deaths/cheating/nothing too dark, some toxic typical s6 stuff but they all have happy endings or hopeful open endings cause i cant stand them being sad!

do you wanna break bread with me?

this is fun, dawn comes out as bi to spike which spirals into everyone realizing they are queer, its pretty touching and domestic.

High Stakes

sexy fun poker smut, no plot, just vibes

Service the Girl

s6 smut but with complicated feelings

(Unintended) You Could Be

there's something about spuffy and roadtrips that hits so right plus parenting dawn, s5 set

i could've been your girl (we've all been here before)

post s7 buffy running into drusilla, starting a relationship and then spike joins them (i might be the only person ever into this pairing)

What Remains

again spuffy roadtrip, sad one cause s5 but they lost the battle and everything, but still have each other

honey and milk are under thy tongue

smut but with complicated s6 feelings plus spike reading poetry

nothing safe is worth the drive (follow you home)

i highly recommend EVERYTHING by this author, my favorite spuffy writer ever. this one is a s5 roadtrip escaping glory and its domestic, funny, sad, sexy and hopeful, felt like watching an episode (i seriously love this one but plz check them all out)

i will follow you into the dark

this one is by the same author but it deserves its own mention. its heartbreaking but healing at the same time, just the most beautiful spuffy work ever

Let's Get Lost

OH THIS ONE, s2 buffy runs away but runs into spike who has a little problem. its so so in character, captured so well both characters and their dynamic where they are all each other have and absolutely hate that

The Choice

s6 dynamic, spike starts seeing a buffy that loves him, its a choice whether he'd rather have that or the real buffy, its pretty sad but u know, they always find each other

Centering

spuffy roadtrip! s5 set, he comforts her through mourning and feeling helpless

What it is to Burn

post everything, long distance relationship that buffy can't stand anymore

What She Deserves

another roadtrip fic, i know so surprising. buffy heals by herself, runs into a spike that felt like she did in 6, she's the one helping him now with an actual healthier dynamic where they both heal

[glass--beach]

hi !!!! :3 so, pd seems, in my reading like its a decent part about the kinda mass surveillance and commodification of personhood shit the world has got going on rn, in a kinda (yes, its cliche, but the radiohead influence makes it a bit more palatable) modern ok computer-esque way. anyways, i wanted to ask u, what motivated u to write about these subjects especially ??

i am transgender and so so scared

near every single person in the world carries a camera on them at all times with the capability of broadcasting its view to all of the internet. we have a culture of emotional armor and swords built to slip between its plates, to be angry or afraid or upset or even the wrong kind of happy is cringe. those who believe in some shadow government in some hidden room somewhere spying on us at all times are delusional - this is wrong - where labor can be outsourced for cheaper it will be. taxis are expensive to run, making people drive their own cars and find customers on an app for measly pay is much more cost effective. giving a music writer a salary is too pricey compared to hiring freelancers on a per article basis. and now surveillance has been, like so many other things, outsourced to civilians and their cameras and smartphone apps. a man sitting oddly on a couch is cheating on his girlfriend, a fold in a woman’s clothing is a hidden penis, we are the panopticon and the prisoner… this is the “society of control” - freedom as tyranny.

the nature of reality is at stake in our culture - “what is a woman?” “a woman” - those who refuse to understand transgender people are helplessly tied to some “deep reality” - “i know what you are!!” - which is ultimately an enforcement of the status quo socially constructed reality. transgender people recognize reality as something socially constructed and seek to bend it to their liking… pronouns and chosen names are after all meant for others to use rather than ourselves, they are third person terms, gender never worms its way into the terms “I” and “We”. our personhood is defined by other people, and can be invalidated or revoked by others… the insecurity created by this tension is ripe for advertising. take this boner pill, it will make you more of a man. take this injection, it will make you a woman. we are defined by our outside, our house, our car, our clothes, our skin, our bodies.

this is where the “family nexus” concept comes in - groups of people create their own pockets of reality. to christians, god is real and to deny this is insanity. to hardcore atheists, believing in god is insanity. to many psychiatrists years ago and some still today, to believe to be a different gender is insanity… and the insane deserve less rights than the sane, they don’t even know what is best for themselves. queer people seek to create a new sane. or rather to go “insane” in our own way the same way anyone who believes in anything does. create our own nexus where our experience of reality is simply true.

hope that helps at all and makes any amount of sense

oh yeah ok computer… maybe i’ll go off about that another time… much of the themes and sound of that record were a jumping off point for us. written in the 1990s, the end of history, time has marched on and yet we are still here stuck in capitalist reality. “did you lie to us tony” as if labour could ever do something about the fact that post 1991 “there is no alternative”… deeply tragic record but love runs through all of it undeniably… maybe i’ll go off about that in another post…

[14carrotghoul]

and you can tell everybody (unplugged)

Hi friends! Do not proceed if you don't want spoilers for my fic, and you can tell everybody! Album notes and extras are below the cut :)

ACD's early career is releasing covers and original songs with June on YouTube and later TikTok. Career takes off his first year of university and the rest of the band joins, agreeing to play for a few years to see what happens.

[unnamed] (2020) [very little info on this besides being very pointedly Mexican-American, but the genre is rock influenced by Mexican music, like Cafe Tacvba? Molotov? but more modern]

tex mex - Lyrical inspiration: "Somos Mas Americanos" by Los Tigres Del Norte

decisions (November 2023) [highly influenced by Omar Apollo, I promise the other albums are very different! I'm shoving him down your throats here and I know it lol]

1 new message - mellow r&b. Have suspected something is wrong, ignored it, and now the impact is hitting full force. Wrongly interpreted as Alex leaving a voicemail for an ex but it is a song written for his past self about missing his ADHD and bisexuality. Sound: "3AM" by Haim

reckless abandon - daddy issues song cowritten with Liam. Bilingual. Sound & lyrically: "Voice Inside My Head" by The Chicks

am I? - 'You raised me to disappoint you bc I could never live up to your expectations'/'It took me too long to find myself bc I've been trying to be who you imagined'. Sound: "Go Away" by Omar Apollo

new year new me - fuck expectations, I'm going to do what I want Sound: "Invincible" by Omar Apollo

very bad things - upbeat hookup song. breaking all his own rules and it feels good. "Mercury" by Steve Lacy

split household - child of divorce anthem. Sound: "Kamikaze" by Omar Apollo

seria una mentira - don't make me choose a side. I love you both and it tears me apart. Pointedly about parents. Sound: "Two of Us" by Omar Apollo

too much - Cumbia version of "Too Much" by Carly Rae Jepsen

never enough - never enough to convince people to stay. Sound: "Pram" by Omar Apollo. Also feel this song's outro is very fitting for this!

a light left on - Platonic June appreciation song about how safe Alex has always felt with her. Sound & lyrically: "Caminar Bonito" by Natalia Lafourcade

Good - First time he is told and BELIEVES he is good. "While U Can" by Omar Apollo

yrs - Dramatic love song. First time Alex uses rain motif. Sound: "Petrified" by Omar Apollo

seria una mentira pt. 2 - it would be a lie to choose something simple over choosing you. Sound: "Two of Us" by Omar Apollo but slowed down and more hopeful

spine/die climbing - vulnerable pillow talk. Sound: "Plane Trees" by Omar Apollo, Mustafa

miel - sacrilege bj song. Catches on with queer Latine audience and is memed similarly to Call me by your name by Lil Nas X. Grows the band's audience. Sound: "Te Mata" by Kali Uchis.

on purpose - I choose to be all the things that I am and am not picking a side. End album on a positive note. Sound:"Done With You" by Omar Apollo

vows (June 2024) [very American sound, dreamier, more optimistic]

no booty calls - voicemail w instrumental. Sound: "All Around Me Now" by Perfume Genius

apricot tarts - honeymoon period of a new relationship. Sound: "Someone to Spend Time With" by Los Retros

in dreams - extended version of Henry's in dreams email set to music. In this universe, they met and kissed on New Years at Pez's party and still did long distance and exchanged emails :) Sound: "In A River (Acoustic)" by Rostam

supersonic - secret, fun ode to karaoke night and letting loose on a night out. Sound: "Runaways" by The Killers

tapestry - thank god I'm bi anthem. Sound: "The Steps" by Haim

lipstick on her neck - sung by June. Essentially the lyrics of lipstick lover by janelle monae but in "ALLIIGATOR TEARS" by Beyonce Americana style.

then have me - tender I'm putting it all out there, all you have to do is take it. Sound: "Solar Pilgrim" by Twain

pride (and prejudice) - purposefully anthemic chorus. about being proud despite prejudice in a red state. Sound: "Delta Dawn" by Tanya Tucker

he is my choice - eloping in the rain. comedic/romantic song about how everything went wrong at a wedding. Sound: "Howling at Nothing" by Nathaniel Rateliff & the Night Sweats

roasting Alex - jam session - the band lovingly roasts Alex. Sound: "Ballad of Hank Williams" by Hank Williams Jr., Don Helms

Not Just Friends - Liam to Spencer. Song about how they're frequently mistaken for just best friends and how happy it makes him to correct that they're more than that. Song chosen so piano and drums play the beats together. Sound: "A Little Honey" by Nathaniel Rateliff & the Night Sweats

Be Cool - Spencer to Liam. Quirky/self-deprecating song about his butterflies about being with someone he's in awe of. Sound: "Heart's Content" by Brandi Carlile

a romantic - June to Nora. Confirms that Nora is aromantic to public. June saying she would never need more from Nora bc she gets to wake up next to her best friend every day. Sound: "Tu" by maye.

bluebonnet - This place (Texas) was never a home to me until you showed me how it was a part of you and now I see you everywhere. Sound & lyrically: "I Think of You" by Rodriguez.

red-blooded (August 2029)

cover: Navy suit w white shirt and American Flag pin on lapel, cropped so only torso is showing

Americana sound again - about 50/50 rock and Americana. Features from Dolly Parton, Orville Peck, and Brandon Flowers

blue blood (August 2029)

cover: red British army dress, cropped so only torso is showing

British glam rock sounds. Features from Elton John, Brian May, and samples David Bowie.

co-written with Henry

-

AND as for where they go from the end of the fic:

Alex becomes a civil rights lawyer in Austin.

Henry's writing career grows but he remains relatively private.

June becomes a music journalist. Eventually ventures into exposes on the industry's shady practices and successfully pivots into investigative journalism

Nora does her own thing.

Liam stays in music industry as a band manager under Zahra's tutelage.

Spencer majored in music production/mixing(?) and gets taken under Pez's wing. Has a smaller solo career and produces for a few indie bands before he settles down and works as a sound mixer in the film industry.

Bea continues to play guitar and flit between collaboration projects.

Zahra is the band's manager and Shaan is Henry's publicist/mentor and they meet while officially strategizing Alex's coming out.

[drdemonprince]

DEVON PRICE thank u for being literally the only other person I’ve ever seen who believes Trisha Paytas’s right to identify as a non transitioning femme gay trans man. I’m always on about this to my friends & tbh I think they’re tired of hearing about it lmao

I put this in my tags responding to ur tags on the brokeback post but fr she came out as a femme trans man who likes men and was like “I’m still going to use she/her tho” and everyone Lost Their Shit and bullied her on the internet essentially until she stopped publically identifying that way. And she chose to come out as non-binary and use she/they bc then she wouldn’t face so much backlash. And like it’s literally all just about what she “passes” as or what her gender presentation indicates to others as opposed to how she feels about herself and defines her own gender. Which tbh? I feel like most of the people that harassed her over that were queer and trans people saying she must be confused or was like delegitimizing trana identity??? But fr the people upset about it were just policing and scrutinizing her because they felt like that identity label didn’t match with her gender presentation. It’s fucked up, I wish we lived in a world where Trisha could have been a trans guy and the trans community would have just been like “oh awesome :) good for u, I hope u feel like you know yourself better at the end of the day”

Literally!!!! I thought it was so fucked up that people didn't just let her identify how she did simply because she didn't want to change her presentation. Supposedly leftist people have decided that because she has been problematic it's okay to demonize her for being "annoying" or seeming "crazy." they invalidate everything she says and does in the most ableist transphobic fatphobic fucking ways and it honestly hurts every gnc trans person or genderfluid person when they act that way. I HATE when members of our community promote that gender conforming respectability politics shit. it has done a lot to make being trans harder and worse for me too.

[izzy2210]

All The Time In The World

for @evashuu you literally helped me so much with this it's only fair

~~~~

Hob was grading essays, papers sprawled all over his usual table at the New Inn. It’s a few weeks after his stranger came back, Dream, he knows now. Dream, who’s sitting across from him, his hands politely in his lap, watching him work. He likes this, coexisting with someone in the same space, it makes him finally start grading these stupid essays he has to finish in two days. A student of his called it ‘body doubling,’ something that often works for people with ADHD. He tries not to think about what that means for him too much.

The door opens, the bell ringing, and he looks up. Speak of the devil, the kid walks into the Inn, their hands in their pockets. They spot Hob, and he raises his hand to wave, when their eyes go wide, and they make a U-turn in the doorway and start to walk away again.

“Rowan!” Hob shouts, and a few grumpy women side-eye him. Bummer, he thinks, I own the place. Rowan turns around again. “You should sit with us!” Hob smiles, and the kid rolls their eyes, reluctantly walking towards the table where Hob and Dream are sitting. 

Dream turns slightly to look at them, and then his eyes widen, his jaw tenses. He spots their too-sharp teeth as they grimace, the jewellery in their too-pointy ears isn’t steel. “Hob..” he starts, but his friend is already busy scooting to the left in his booth, letting Rowan sit next to him. 

“Rowan, this is Dream, a.. friend. Dream, this is Rowan, one of my students. I was just grading papers, already did yours.” Dream stares at Hob, then at Rowan. “Do you want tea? I could make you some tea. Myra-” he turns to the woman behind the bar, “Could you make Rowan some tea? On the house, it’s fine.” Hob grimaces, and Rowan twirls one of their rings around their finger. 

Dream is still staring at them when Myra brings their tea, and Rowan looks at the floor, masking their fear with awkwardness. They can feel, sense that Dream is Other. It doesn’t comfort them. They got banished from the Faerie for a reason, and they aren't planning on going back. Maybe this creature is going to take them home.

Hob hands them their tea, and they take it, warming their hands, even though it’s not that cold outside. Hob talks, they think, but they aren’t listening, not really. They’re looking at the creature across from him, his jaw set tight, his eyes a piercing, unnatural blue. Hob doesn’t seem to notice the tension. 

“Hob, are you aware..” Dream starts again. “Mh?” “Are you aware your student is.. Other?” He says, carefully, he doesn’t want to shock Hob. 

Hob chuckles. “I know, Dream, that they’re queer. It’s something you can say, these days, you don’t need to come up with euphemisms.” Hob sips his own tea, and the little crease between Dream’s eyebrows deepens. That.. That is not at all what he meant, but he can’t let the Fae know he knows and that Hob doesn’t know- It’s all terribly confusing. Rowan chuckles nervously. 

The rest of the afternoon goes that way, Hob talking animatedly, Rowan deeply uncomfortable, and Dream trying to pierce two symmetrical holes in their skull with his eyes. 

Eventually, after some whiskey mixed in with his tea, Hob invites Dream over to stay, and Rowan excuses themselves. Hob will pay for his tea, he promises, and then Rowan hurries out of the Inn. 

“Hob..” “Do you.. Want to stay over? Perhaps?” He asks, and Dream tips his head to the side, like a curious bird. Hob has never offered that, but it sounds.. Good. Dream nods, and Hob slides out of his booth, showing Dream the way up the stairs, to his apartment above the Inn. Pushes the door open, drops onto the plush couch while Dream just stands there, delightfully out of place between the brown bookshelves and green rug, Hob’s own little treehouse. Hob stares, and Dream stares back. They’ve always been strange like that.

Hob may be tipsy, but he’s definitely not thinking about how Dream’s lips would feel against his. Nope. Also not about carding his fingers through Dream’s hair, looking down at him as he puts those lips somewhere else, certainly not about letting Dream push him down onto the mattress, kissing him senseless and stupid while Dream’s fingers pet his chest, and move down, down..

No. Definitely not.

Dream clears his throat, a strange sound. “You.. You can sit, if you want?” Hob offers, and stares even more as Dream seems to fold in on himself like a goth lawnchair, tucking his sharp elbows and sharp knees in and sits down on the couch, sinking into it a bit. 

“Ah, you’re sitting in the spot I used to sit in. The underside of it cracked, so it’ll probably feel a bit weird to sit there..” Hob knows he’s rambling, knows this is awkward, but he can’t do anything but let his mouth run, afraid that if he’ll stop talking thoughts will start to form in his head again, maybe even daydreams. He doesn’t know if Dream can sense those, but he isn’t keen on finding out right now, not with this mindset. 

“It is comfortable.” Dream simply says, and Hob just nods. “This place is lived in. Some humans would call it.. Cosy.” Dream slides his hand over the fabric, Hob chuckles, and stares. “Yeah. That.. That was the goal. I have my books, my desk where I grade papers students write..” He smiles again, definitely doesn’t wonder how Dream’s hand would feel in his, or somewhere else..

“About your students.. Rowan Sorbus, as they call themselves, they are-” “Yeah, they’re something, aren’t they? Lovely kid to have in class, not afraid to ask questions, or question the textbook.” Hob smiles. Maybe Rown and Dream could bond, they are both.. Not from around here, to say the least. 

“Yes, well..” Dream starts, and then sees how comfortable Hob is here, and stops. He.. He wants to see where this night is going, without the intrusion of telling Hob that his favourite student is Fae, and could potentially be dangerous. He doesn’t want to disturb his peace. And if he thinks about it, Rowan didn’t look all that threatening. Maybe he was wrong.

Hob talks, about difficult classes and incorrect textbooks, about old mad Hettie and new friends, and Dream listens, intently, scooting closer with every new story. Dream doesn’t eat, doesn’t drink, but the stories are fuel for him, he can almost feel them. Hob tells them so well, he can almost smell the scent of new textbooks, old tea and a wooden desk as Hob tells him how difficult it is to grade papers on your own. He can feel the grains between his fingers as Hob tells him that he organised a company trip to the beach for the staff of the New Inn, and he can smell the sea as he tells him about that one time when he went fishing with a friend, catching an actual octopus. 

“The smell of the ink brought me back, oh lord. M’hands used to be covered with it when I was working at the printing presses, god!” Hob sits up. “That’s when I thought you were the devil!” He chuckles, and Dream smiles softly. “Mh, and now I’m friends with you. Fancy me being friends with the devil.” He grins over at Dream, who smiles more.

Those smiles were rare, in the early days, but in this century Hob earns them in abundance, as he jokes, mocks and tells his stories. He relishes in them, loves them dearly. He speaks more, about all kinds of things, and when he glances at the clock he sees it’s past midnight. 

“Hob, as much as I like your stories, it is late. You should retire to bed, I believe you have classes to teach early in the morning.” Hob hums, a little disappointed. “Yeah, I do.” Dream seems to tense up, suddenly, just a little, but Hob spots it. “Business calls in The Dreaming, my friend. Good night.” And then Dream is gone.

Hob sighs, and goes through the motions of getting ready for bed. Strips out of his shirt and trousers, brushes his teeth, has a piss.. All with a sort of pit in his stomach. It’s not exactly sadness, not exactly anger. Just.. Emptiness. He really thought he was doing it right. He gets in bed, and if he wraps his arms around the other pillow and shoves his face in it, expecting the smell of Dream but getting the smell of his laundry detergent instead, nobody needs to know.

——————————————————————

Rowan sleeps, and wanders. Through fields and grasslands, over mountains and ravines. They’re not sure what they’re looking for, but they know there’s something. 

They drop down, exhaustedly, in an open field, watching the sky shimmer with stars. They hear footsteps coming closer, but the sound isn’t threatening, and they’re too tired to move, so they don’t. Sue them, they feel like they got exiled all over again.

“You are not from around here.” A voice says, a female voice, a voice they recognise. They find the strength to sit up. “You..” A small, pixie-like creature stands next to them, her brown hair short and choppy, her ears just as pointed as theirs. Their eyes widen, shit, they really can’t seem to be inconspicuous lately. 

“You’re Ash-” “I don’t go by that name anymore. It’s Rowan.” They interrupt, a bit defensively. If they didn’t feel like they just ran a marathon, they would flee. 

“Alright. I’m Nuala.” She sits down next to them. “I.. I know who you are. You were a real big deal. I’m.. I’m sorry.” They say, and she shrugs, sitting closer. “You didn’t know. It’s not your fault I was gifted to him like an object.” At that, Rowan’s eyes widen, and narrow again. “Who is him?” 

“The king here. He’s.. A bit of a prick, to be honest.” Nuala giggles, and Rowan chuckles with her. “He’s strange. Doesn’t really talk much, mostly watches.” She continues. “He did say he liked what I did with the decoration. He.. he is difficult sometimes. Doesn’t trust easily.” Rowan nods. “I know some people like that. They take a while to warm up, but-” “He can’t warm up. He can only tolerate, I think sometimes.” She sighs. “I.. I used to like him, dreamt of a relationship with him. It's all a bit ironic, now.” She chuckles wetly, and Rowan can feel their heart break for her. “What’s his name?” they ask, scooting closer. They’ve always been up for a good gossiping. 

“His name’s Dream.” 

Oh.

Fuck.

“Tall, pale, goth? Black hair, bluest fucking eyes you ever did see?” They say, standing up, suddenly not so tired anymore. Nuala frowns, “Yeah, how did you know?” 

Fuck. 

“I saw him today, he was all defensive and cold. D’you think I pissed him off? Would he have the power to send me back?” They ask, concerned. “I.. I don't want to go back, I’m good by myself, I really don’t need the pressure-” A silhouette appears on the horizon, almost seems to materialise there, and they stop talking. The figure gets bigger, and Nuala stands as well. 

“There he is,” she says. “I.. I should go.” And in a cloud of sand, almost glittery pink, she’s gone.

And then they stand there, too tired to flee this impending doom, it seems. Did.. did he do this to them?

As he gets closer they see he’s wearing some sort of cloak, fire licking on the seams. He seems mad, powerful. Rowan doesn’t quite know what to do. They’re.. Scared.

“No need to be frightened, Rowan Sorbus.” He says, when he’s in hearing range. “Easy for you to say. What did I do to piss you off, eh?” They choose offence, no point in being nice. Dream’s eyes narrow. “I am not angry, Rowan. This, all of it.. Was a case of miscommunication. I was under the impression that you were planning on hurting your teacher, Hob Gadling. The Fae can be.. complicated creatures.” Rowan opens their mouth to say something, but Dream is quicker, “I now know. That that is incorrect, and it was.. Not good of me to make that assumption.” Rowan nods.

“No, no.. Yeah. It.. It’s okay. I’ve had worse. Why..” They have this nervous tick, where they rub the ridge of their ears, to check if they’re still as pointy. They wished they fit in more, sometimes. “Why are you so protective over Mr. Gadling?” Dream’s lips quirk, just a little, but Rowan spots it.

“We are good friends. We have been for quite a while.” Rowan frowns. “How long?” “You would not believe me if I told you.” They chuckle, nodding. “Mh, sure. Try me.” 

“We have known each other precisely for six hundred thirty three years, one month and nine days.” Rowan whistles between their teeth. “Mr. Gadling’s immortal?” “He is.” “Wouldn’t have guessed, he hides it well. Although I could smell something Other on him. Maybe that’s just you, though. How long have you been together?” Do Rowan’s eyes deceive them, or do they spot a blush on Dream’s marble face?

“We are friends.” He mutters, and it sounds almost like he’s convincing himself. Rowan whistles again, and sits down in the grass. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you today, Dream. I’ve seen the way you are protective over him. You better figure stuff out. You might be defensive about him, but I am just as much. I don’t want him to get hurt.”

Dream nods, slowly. “I.. understand.” “Do you understand yourself? Your feelings?” Dream frowns. “I am not interested in a therapy session with you, little Fae.” Rowan snorts. “Pff- Fuck. That’s now what I want either. I just want you to be good for Mr. Gadling. In whatever way. Friends, or boyfriends, whatever. Just..” They stand again, facing Dream, looking properly at him for the first time. He’s quite handsome. “Be good to him, alright? I.. I don’t want to lose my family again.” They ask, and Dream nods. “I will. Now wake up, little Fae. I think you will find that you helped me a lot when you get lessons from him again.” Rowan nods, and blinks. When they open their eyes, they’re laying in their bed, wide awake.

——————————————————————

Hob is sitting in the New Inn, the evening sun streaming through the windows. He has his eyes closed, he’s not grading papers, just enjoying his business, enjoying the weather, when the bell on the door rings, and he cracks open an eye to see Dream, out of place in his black trenchcoat. Hob grins, and waves him over. 

“Hob..” He mutters as he sits down in the chair in front of him. Hob likes the way he says his name.  “I have had an interesting conversation with someone last week. It made me realise certain things. These things are.. Better said in private, if you do not mind.” Hob frowns, but a smirk tugs at his lips. “Sure, Dream.” He stands. “Is there something wrong?” “Not at all.” Dream mutters, and follows Hob up the stairs.

Hob falls down on his couch with a sigh that could only be made by fathers, and invites Dream to sit next to him. He does, and it’s a sight. Hob made sure to sit on the broken part of the couch. He remembers. “So. What was it that you wanted to say?” 

Dream opens his mouth, and closes it again. When his lips part again, he can only say “I..” before changing his mind. Hob thinks he looks like a fish. A pretty fish, though. “Take your time.” 

“I have been thinking.” Hob shifts in his seat, grinning. “That’s dangerous. Go on.” “And I have come to a realisation. About myself. However, it concerns you as well, yet I do not wish to change how things are going if you do not wish it as well, and I-” “Dream. Think about what you are going to say, and say it, please. It sounds serious.”

Dream sighs, frowns a little, and Hob’s eyes get drawn to the little crease between his brows, then the sharp edge of his nose, then the soft arch of his lips..

“Do you want some tea while you think?” Hob says, suddenly. Dream nods, absentmindedly. He looks like he’s piecing together a puzzle in his head, brow still furrowed. Hob stands, but Dream grabs his wrist gently. “Wait.” Dream stands, and now they're in front of each other, but Dream is avoiding his gaze. 

“I have come to realise. That I care a great deal about you, Hob. More than.. humans would consider a friendship. I..” Hob's face softens, he almost melts. “Oh Dream..” Hob grabs his other hand. “I would like for us to..” “Be together? As like.. a couple?” A man can hope, Hob thinks. You never know with Dream, what he really means. Dream smiles, softly. “Yes. A romantic relationship.” 

Hob sighs, smiling. He seems to melt, and leans his forehead against Dream’s chest, chuckling. “God.. that was smooth. So..” He pulls back, to look Dream in the eyes. He looks rather surprised with Hob’s touchiness, but not disturbed. “Could.. Could I possibly.. Kiss you, then?” Dream’s lips part, and they catch Hob’s attention, his eyes lingering there.

“I would like that, Hob.” Hob untangles one of his hands from Dream’s, brings it up to his face. He traces patterns over the smooth skin there, relishing in the way Dream’s eyes flutter shut, and he presses a soft kiss against his lips, lingering a little. He tips his forehead against Dream’s, and sighs. 

“You literally have no idea for how long I wanted to do that.” He chuckles, and Dream opens his eyes. “It might have been centuries since I have been kissed. Millenia since I have been kissed so.. Lovingly.” Dream admits, and Hob pouts a little as he says it, bringing his hands up to Dream’s face. “That’s terrible, duck. You deserve it, really do, you-” “I would like to discuss this at a later time. For now, would you kiss me again?” Dream looks almost scared to ask, and Hob’s heart breaks. “Of course, duck. Always. Would kiss you always.”

Dream closes the gap now, and their lips slot together like two tectonic plates, creating volcanoes in Hob’s brain and ravines in Dream’s stomach. Dream tastes like lightning, Hob notices when he slips his tongue inside, like a thunderstorm, like the smell of wet concrete. It’s jarring, almost, but Hob has always loved nature, loved sitting outside in the rain while his mates cowered in their bunks. He can love Dream like that, he thinks. Love him even though he’s terrifying, love him even though he can be destructive. Hob will keep him from destroying himself. 

Dream’s cold hand slides in Hob’s hair, tangling his fingers in the strands, and Hob lets out an embarrassing sound. Dream pulls back. “Are you all right?” he asks, concerned, and Hob chuckles slightly. “Yeah, duck. M’fine. S’just.. Been a while since I’ve been touched like that as well. You might not believe it, but the life of a history professor isn’t all that exciting. Think.. Think if we do more right now it’s gonna be even more embarrassing for me.”  Dream frowns. “So you would enjoy..” “Maybe going to bed together? Cuddling? Kissing some more, if you want?” Hob slides his hand down Dream’s arm, tangling their fingers together. Dream lets him. “I would like that quite a lot.” “We.. We have all the time in the world to do the rest. For now, I just want to be cosy with you. Want to see how you wake up.” “I do not sleep. Not like you.” Hob chuckles. “Then pretend, for my sake.” 

Hob lets his hand slip out of Dream’s, and leads the way towards the bedroom. “Make yourself comfortable.” He says, vaguely gesturing to the bed. “Gonna brush my teeth, have a wee.” Hob strips out of his shirt and trousers, and notices Dream’s gaze lingers, not with hunger, but with fascination. Hob slips into the bathroom, and quickly does what he announced. When he comes back Dream is still sitting on the side of the bed, his hands politely in his lap. Still in that fucking trenchcoat.

Hob walks over, and motions for Dream to stand again. He lifts his hands, and fiddles with the first button of his coat. “That alright?” He says, and Dream nods. Hob struggles with the second button, and Dream just waves his hand, letting the coat dissolve into dreamstuff. Hob gasps a little, and that amuses Dream. 

Hob helps him out of his shirt, and watches as he slips out of his trousers. They’re both in their pants now, letting the other map out their body with his gaze. “Shall we..?” He says, nodding to the bed, and they both slide under the covers, facing each other.

Hob reaches out first, grazing his fingertips over Dream’s collarbones, then up his shoulder, down his arm. “You are cold.” Hob notices. “Does it bother you?” He traces back up his arm, cupping his cheek so softly, like he’s made of porcelain. “Not at all, duck. I’m always running hot.. It would be comfortable to be with you.” Dream smiles softly, and reaches out, mapping out the scars on Hob’s chest, running his fingers through the hair there, then back up, to tangle in his hair, bringing him close and letting their lips lock. 

The kiss is soft, gentle, almost lazy in the way that there is no rush, there never is with them. Like Hob said, they have all the time in the world. They can figure stuff out in their own time. They might be a god and a witch, an idea and an immortal, but right now, they’re two men, cuddling together in bed, so in love there aren’t really words for it. 

——————————————————————

In the next few months, Dream comes over almost daily, sleeps over about as much. They figure out a rhythm. Dream doesn’t eat, but enjoys watching Hob cook. Dream is enthralled by the television, and his favourite show is The Golden Girls, although he’d never admit it.  Hob likes to offer Dream tea, and he actually drank it once or twice. Hob counts it as a win. 

“My darling..” 

And then there’s that. Hob started calling Dream ‘duck’ as soon as he could, but it took Dream a while to warm up to the fact that he is allowed to love Hob visually. 

Hob hums in response from the kitchen. “Come here.” Dream murmurs, and Hob walks towards him, his shirt covered in flour. “What are you making?” “Cookies, duck.” Dream hums, and pats next to him on the couch. “Come here.” He says again, and Hob nods. “One second, duck, gonna wash my hands real quick.” Hob disappears into the kitchen, and comes back a moment later, cleaner now.

Hob walks to sit next to Dream, but he  manhandles him into his lap. “Oh!” Dream hums, nuzzles his neck. “You are beautiful, my love.” Hob chuckles. “Mh, thank you, duck.” 

“You have been having daydreams, my love.” Dream can feel Hob’s cheeks heat up. “You can see those?” “It is effortful, but yes. You are worth the effort.” Dream presses a kiss to Hob's jaw. “One daydream keeps resurfacing. You.. you want me to fuck you.” Hob lets out a strangled sound. “I.. well yeah.” “You want me to push you into the mattress. Touch you all over. Do not leave a part of you unkissed, unloved.” 

Hob hides his face in Dream’s neck, presses a lazy kiss there. “Yeah. I do. But.. I don't know if you want to as well.” “I would love to, Hob. After dinner, perhaps?” He says it like he's talking about dessert, not about taking Hob apart piece by piece. Hob sighs, and it turns into a chuckle.

“I would love that.” He says, and presses another soft kiss in the crook of Dream’s neck. This time, Dream shivers. “Is that good?” Hob whispers, and kisses him there again, scraping his teeth over his skin a little, and Dream hums, a low rumble Hob can feel. “Are you trying to seduce me?” Dream rumbles. “Mh. Haven’t I already?” Hob kisses his neck again. “Quite successfully, might I add. God, you’re beautiful.” Hob fits his teeth over Dream’s Adam’s apple, and he grumbles, grabbing Hob’s arse and standing up, manhandling him to the bedroom, dropping him on the bed.

“You tease me, Hob Gadling.” Hob looks up at him, eyes full of admiration. “Sure do, duck.” Dream crawls over him, their faces inches from each other, as Dream runs his finger over Hob’s chest, turning his jumper into dreamstuff. “That was my favourite-” “I will make you another one. A better one.” “Dream..” “Please. Shut up.” And he kisses him, and it’s thunderstorms and electricity all over again, like someone put a spark to Hob’s brain. Dream lets Hob’s other clothes disappear, and runs his hands down his body, still kissing him. Hob lets out a “hmph-” tugging at Dream’s clothes, and they disappear just as easily. 

“After dinner, right?” Hob jokes as Dream kisses down his body, and his chuckle turns into a sigh as Dream finds the sensitive spot in his neck. “How could I wait when you tease me like that, my love?” Hob groans. “You are.. Insatiable..” “Tell me your daydreams, love.” “You know..” “Tell me. I want to hear it. What do you want, my darling?” Dream is nuzzling his stomach now, and Hob smiles down at the sight, Dream’s pale fingers splayed out over the soft arch of his middle, his plump lips pressed against his skin where an especially big scar disappears into Hob’s trousers.. 

“Want you to fuck me, Dream..” Hob throws his head back into the pillows as Dream sucks a bruise into the skin of his hip. “Want you to eat me out first, is that alright?” “You are not telling me everything, my Hob. You want me to push you down, ‘face down, arse up’, as you think so unceremoniously. Would you want me to do that now?” Hob sighs again, lets out a “God yes please holy fuck-” and Dream flips him effortlessly onto his stomach, spreading his hand between his shoulderblades, pushing him down.

“You are like the sun, Hob. It took me a while to look at you, but you have so many marks, from so many centuries of living.” Dream slides his hands down Hob’s sides, down to his arse where he unmakes his boxers as well. Dream cups his arse with his hands, and Hob sighs, his face pushed into the pillows. “Please..” 

Dream spreads his cheeks, and lets out a huff. “You..” “Mh, fuck- Did I forget to tell you?” Hob lets himself drop fully onto the bed, and turns around to face Dream. “I’m trans. I have a cunt. Is that.. A problem?” Dream lets out another huff. “Not at all, my love. Not at all.” He nuzzles Hob’s hip, fits his lips over his hip bone. “I was just surprised, you have never mentioned it before.” “Not something you go advertising around, duck.” “Mh. That is a shame.” Dream wraps his hand around Hob’s thigh, and lifts it so it’s resting on his shoulder, pressing a kiss to the inside of it. 

“Is this okay?” He asks, and Hob melts at the sight, Dream’s eyes shining so brightly, asking for approval at every move.. “It’s perfect, duck. This is good. Please..” Hob cups Dream’s face, and then moves it so his fingers are tangled in his hair, pushing him towards his cunt. Dream shoots look at him, and darts his pink tongue over his lips, making Hob groan. 

Hob throws his head back, tangling his fingers in Dream’s hair as he finally does what he’s been wanting him to do for centuries. Hob babbles, keens, and Dream hums low in his throat, licking and sucking like it’s his last fucking meal. 

“Dream, fuck.. Please-” Hob hooks his knee behind Dream’s neck, pushing him closer. “Fuck.. That’s good- Please..” Hob’s back arches, pushing himself further into Dream’s mouth. 

The sensations are almost too much, a perfect mix of pleasure and pressure that makes his head spin. Dream’s hands roam, squeezing and caressing, adding to the overwhelming pleasure. Hob’s moans grow louder, echoing in the room, a testament to Dream’s skill. Hob vaguely thinks about where he could’ve picked it up, but then Dream slides two fingers into Hob’s hole, shutting his mind off effectively. “So.. Fucking close, duck..” He groans, and Dream lets out a low chuckle, the sound going straight south for Hob. 

“Dream..” “What would you like, my love?” Dream pulls back slightly, and leans his cheeks against Hob’s inner thigh. Hob looks down, and Dream’s lips and chin are covered in his slick. “Would you come right now? Or let me indulge in you even more, and fill you up, taking you the way you have been dreaming about?” A small smirk plays at Dream’s lips, and Hob fists the sheets, letting go and gripping again, trying to ground himself before even trying to properly form a thought. Dream tilts his head in question.

“Fuck, love.. Need you to give me a break after you suck my soul out through my cunt, goddammit..” He chuckles slightly, and Dream does as well, pressing a soft and wet kiss to Hob’s thigh, the hair there tickling his face. “What will it be, my love?” Hob sighs, pets through Dream’s hair while he thinks. 

“I.. We have all the time in the world, right?” He asks, a soft smile on his face at the sigh of Dream’s eyes closed, enjoying the feeling. He hums. “Then we have actual infinite opportunities to do what I wanted to do. Right now.. I just want you to fuck me, duck. But I want to look at you.” Dream is smirking now, and crawls over Hob again, dissolving his pants into dreamstuff in the same movement. 

“Quite the romantic..” Dream hums as he kisses at Hob’s jaw, who goes slack like putty at the touch. “I would love to fuck you, darling. Slow?” He mumbles, and Hob nods breathlessly, he cannot believe his luck, still can’t quite believe Dream is here. “Yeah, duck.. Want you to take me apart, please.” 

“Then I will do so, my love.” He kisses Hob, slowly, and slides inside him with a sigh. Hob throws his head back into the pillows, his lips slipping from Dream’s, so he settles for pressing his lips to Hob’s neck again, starting to move slowly, deliberately, watching every microexpression on Hob’s face as he does so. Dream sighs as he moves, focussed on Hob, trying not to pay attention to the growing tug in his gut. 

First, his lips part in a silent moan, then they quiver as Dream slides a hand down his body to rub Hob’s cock while he makes love to him. Then Hob almost squeals in delight, biting his lip to not make too much noise. “Duck.. Please- I’m gonna-” “Yes..” It’s almost a hiss, and Dream picks up the pace slightly, the soft sounds of them panting and skin slapping skin filling the room. 

Hob feels electric, on fire, but also calm, like the eye of a tornado. It’s like Dream has finally found the off-switch to his brain, the only thing he can think of is Dream, Dream, Dream. 

He wraps his arms around his lover, pulling him close when he comes, and if he sheds a few tears, Dream didn’t notice, he’s too busy creating novas in his eyes, his pupils blown so wide his eyes look pitch black. His lips are parted, kissed pink and glossy, and he feels so human, so vulnerable, so one with Hob. He collapses on top of him, panting.

——————————————————————

After, they lay in bed, cuddled up and cosy, warm under the blankets. Dream is resting, and a sunbeam caresses his face, filtering through his hair. His head is laying on Hob’s stomach, warm and happy. Hob’s cookies are long forgotten, the dough still laying on the kitchen counter where he left it. Dream doesn’t snore, but hums slowly, a rhythm that lulls Hob in and out of The Dreaming.

“We should get out of bed, perhaps.” Dream opens one eye to look at him, and frowns. “I do not see the need for that. We are happy, we are together.” Hob smiles softly, and sinks his fingers into Dream’s hair, earning a low hum from him. “We have other things to do, maybe?” Hob suggests, but he knows he’ll lose this argument. He doesn’t really care that much. “Mh. We, my darling, have all the time in the world.” 

~~~

@rainy-days-and-nights @fellshish you might like this

[absolutebl]

Rules: List 10 of your comfort shows

tagged by @he-is-lightning-in-a-bottle (thanks doll)

I rarely pass along tags but you should do this one and tag me if you do so I can see, comfort watches are my absolute FAVORITE.

This is a BL blog and I've watched most of them, so I will be picking BL. But I will only be picking BL I am rewatching for comfort right NOW.

Some of these may surprise. Ready?

My Top 10 Comfort BL's right NOW

1 kiss x kiss x kiss - perfect scandal (short)

My favorite of this series because it's basically office romance sexy bits we all wanted from Old Fashion Cupcake.

2 Jun & Jun

his show made up for in style what it lacked in substance. I like fluff. I loved this. I smile every moment I'm watching. This is very much MY style of BL.

3 Love is Science (BL cut)

Mark and Ouwen gotta be one of my all time favorite side dishes. LIS? is a noona romance with added mature side couple as well as these two, mostly interwoven. It’s a big buy in just for Mark & Ouwen but WORTH IT, and some kind soul uploaded a BL cut to YT. Everything is a touch quirky but the BL boys are beautiful, earnest, and high heat. It's one of Taiwan's favorite dynamics: the bisexual himbo meets the confident gay, but they are just LOVELY, plus tiny queer family at the end.

4 2 Moons 3

What can I say, it's utter trash but there is something about the main couple I love. A Thai pulp that felt like it came out 5 yrs ago with many of the flaws inherent to that time and studio system, including manufactured angst and convoluted plot, but an ultimately sweet main couple that (as a pairing) feels a bit more modern and is satisfying to watch. This will probably go down in history as one of the few BLs where I genuinely didn’t care about any of the side couples.

5 Love Class 2

But only "my couple." ( the mature student and the TA). I still hold that they probably should’ve had their own series.

6 Big Dragon

I didn't love this when it first aired but I am coming around to it more on the rewatch. (I may even up its score from 7 to 8 if the eventual movie sticks the landing). This is a pairing that proved itself to be a lot more sophisticated than I expected with nods at kink in a more respectful way than Mame could ever dream, plus excellent chemistry.

7 Why R U? Korea

The Korean remake of Why RU? is BOTH bizarro land, and EXACTLY what I expected. There is something comforting in watching the Cliff's notes version of a show I enjoyed before just in a different BL style. I don't know why I like this one so much, but I really do.

8 Takara & Amagi

I gnawed on my knuckles and squealed a lot with this show first time around. Now I still love it but I'm more calm. It is beyond charming: soft and gentle, packed with cuteness and high school angst, thirst, & yearning.

9 About Youth

A truly lovely little coming of age high school BL with a classic YA low drama but high angst and an earnest depth.

Clearly I'm having a bit of a high school phase because I've been thinking of doing this one next:

10 My School President

Yes, we’ve seen it all before, but I still ADORED this. And there is a lot to be said for the classics being re-executed perfectly. Who let my BL be this wholesome and funny?

[inahallucination]

famous au but um dumb

@cowboylexapro

if the poets were on social media and famous this is what they'd be known for

(age somewhere between 19-21)

todd

tumblr blog name: toad.anderson

ao3 name: toad.writes

he's technically anon but not rlly

sexiest tumblr account known to man - he's a fanfic writer and an au poster with some occasional og stuff that floods his inbox with asks begging him to publish his og work too - what fandom does he write for? all of them.

his bf proof reads them all even if he's never been in the fandom

he writes fics for his friends when they get famous

in between his novel worthy fanfics are shitty fics of his friends

his followers get rlly confused

he wrote a neil x reader fic until straight girls started claiming it and he took it down becuz the reader was him

todd on his blog: guyss… im so sorry but im taking the neil x reader fic down… im sorry if i offend anyone but the reader was me ❤️ not you - i don't like you all claiming it

after taking down the x reader, he does a neil x oc but the oc is him but with green eyes

neil, after the oc gets described: todd the only person im seeing is u tho 😦 and u have blue eyes

eventually his relationship with famous tiktoker neil perry gets revealed and ppl realize he's not just an obsessed fan

after neil says the thing blog: toad.anderson: guys my real name is todd anderson everyone: omg we wouldve never guessed

after neil and him go public and ppl dont believe that neil is gay he alternates between seething and writing neil fics and taking joy from neil's confusion

todd points out comments that are obviously thirsting over neil and neil still doesn't realize he's being thirsted over

"neil be the father of my children!" "oh i think they meant that in a godfather type way"

todd, at a breaking point, suggests that neil and him post a kissing video but neil doesnt wanna be one of those shawn camilla couples - respect

what if he posted them kissing but he made a historians will call them bestfriends joke but then ppl did🧍‍♂️

"my bestie and I 🤩 " "NEIL PEOPLE ARE GOING TO THINK UR SERIOUS"

//

neil

tiktok name: neilliard.at.julliard

accidentally tiktok famous for pretty face, charming personality, acting abilities - the theater kids had a claim over him orignially but he's pretty mainstream now

comment section full of old grandmas trying to set him up with their granddaughters

everyones dream bf until he posted about his own bf

neil: my boyfie has a big tumblr and he writes a lot and he really likes frogs and he is also blond and heres his address

hes kinda oblivious about everything

"you want a close up of my collar bones? why ?"

reading comment "'show your abs?' its nice you think i have abs! only my boyfriend can see those tho 😉 "

the comments go wild

people are stitching it screaming for different reasons

all his fans r screaming into pillows bc HES TAKEN NOOO

people are trying to figure out who this mans boyfie is

"he has a boyfriend??" "he's been straightbaiting us!" "NOO HE'S TAKEN" "IS UR BF AS HOT AS U" "look at the way his eyes lit up when he said bf i love love" "this video shows an aspect of society that-"

"tell us about ur bf" and he makes a week worth of videos but its all random stuff

"my bf looks pretty in blue" "my bf likes to put salt and pepper on his fries" "my bf has hair"

the straightbaiting comments come after him posting about pride and having a pride flag in the background of his videos <- they say things like "he's such a good ally"

people attack others in the comments who ask him if hes queer "NO NEIL ISNT GAY NOT EVERYTHING HAS TO BE GAY HE COULD JUST BE A REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY FRUITY STRAIGHT GUY WHO LIKES GIRLS"

"are you gay neil???" -> "not everything has to be gay ppl can just be allys and btw by assuming every ally is gay, ur actually hurting the movement!!!" -> "i asked becuz he said he wanted to kiss his boy best friend on the lips in highschool" -> "he meant it heterosexual-ly"

someone asks him what his type is and he describes todd to the t and they think he likes a short haired blonde

"he likes girls in sweat pants not skirts" "his type isnt ppl in skirts" -- neil would love todd in a skirt but thats not the point

his type: "he's really shy, gorgeous, short dirty blonde hair, uhhhh, really smart, and So much more :))"

he could say my boyfriend is a man who i am dating because i am gay and they would still try to straight-ify him

a grainy video gets leaked of a short haired blond guy jumping into his arms and ppl say things like "its just a girl with short hair"

todd hate writes a neil x male reader fic

he asks his friends for help and they post todd's face everywhere on his recording set

he makes a video like "meet my toddy"

in the video todd says he's a boy and he's todd and he's neil boyfriend 3485757 times and neil is like "omg babe i love u too <33" becuz he doesnt Understand

some ppl r still in denial or think he's bi w/ a preference for girls

straight girls like him becuz he has a pretty face and a general respect for women

during prom season, he gets dmed a lot of websites for buying prom tickets

"don't worry guys! i know i said my high school time was rough, but i actually did go to prom with my bf!!"

//

charlie

twitter name: therealalpha

most popular podcast name: daltons intercourse

joke/bait account ppl took seriously

The Alpha that other alpha posters bow to

says stuff like "SIGMA MALES KISS ALPHAS ON THE MOUTH TO ASSURT DOMINANCE"

the twitter alphas buy into him so bad he's making podcasts and doign interviews and he has no clue how tf he got here but he's riding the high

he advocates for being alpha via kissing ur homies

when he gets famous he begs todd to write a fic about him

todd agrees pretty easily tbh

"ARE YOU EVEN AN ALPHA MALE IF PPL AREN'T WRITING GAY FICS ABOUT YOU"

charlie posts things like "no homo" "only the real make out with their homies" over those black and white pics of muscle-y dudes w/ no context after the neil video he posts "he homo" over one of them w/ no context

at first ppl try to attack him but then theyre like wtf is going on here and realize he's trolling the alpha community

when no one realizes neil is actually gay he makes a podcast episode talking about how he thinks neil is gay gay homosexual gay - he's holding a cigar and wearing a tight hawaiian unbuttoned shirt like "lets talk about this gay gay theater gay boykisser man"

made by @cowboylexapro

//

pitts

youtube name: gerdoesstuff

joint youtube name: idkman

homework help and crafts videos youtuber - relaxed vibes only here to be calm

he gives study and concentration tips and encourages ppl to seek help and companionship and not suffer alone

he paints mugs and looks for bugs

he was on charlie's podcast and they discussed the alpha-ness of making pottery

todd wrote a pitts x reader fic becuz ppl begged him to

pitts printed it out and framed it and put it in his filming set up

he's a regular on meeks podcast too btw and meeks is a regular on his

but when meeks is around things explode so

he has a second channel with meeks where they do silly experiments

theyre posting schedule is non-existent and they also do streams but they never tell you so their viewers just have to hope and find out

knox and him are planning on making a movie review channel but its still not fully thought out so

he makes couple mugs for todd and neil when neil asks for help

he wakes up at 2 am and sends todd prompts

anytime he learns a fun fact he sends it to todd on the off chance todd may need it for a story at some point in his life

anytime he reads anything he's like damn neil will love to act like this character and lets him know about it

he sends charlie alpha podcasters to make fun of

at some point he exposes cam's shitty handwriting for the giggles

knox

instagram name: knoxious.ur.mom.ious

he posted a short on his instagram talking about how he just learned hair grows from the head and not the bottom and blew up for being a dummy - he doesn't know whats going on but he's having a blast

he stirs up drama but on accident

he was on pitts youtube before

out of everyone here he's the only one not making content he's just vibing

eventually he ends up posting background footage of everyone doing dumb shit

when it comes out theyre friends ppl stalk his instagram to find more proof

after that he starts to stir drama but more consciously

hmm what else - idk he's just chilling, getting called out for being dumb and watching his friends do dumb stuff

oh wait when he makes that short about the hair a bunch of commentary channels post about it and he takes it like a badge of honor

cameron

instagram name: cam.studies

pinterest name: cam.studies

one of those aesthetic studying accounts on insta and pinterest - takes nice shots of his homework and his pen collections and his study desk

except its only for the pics his handwriting is atrocious - he has like one page or paragraph of pretty handwriting to post and the rest is scribbled chaos - his pens are never organized by color, theyre just thrown in a box, and his desk is filled with papers and books and never looks clean but its fine he's just here for clout

he ends up sponsoring and reviewing businesses that make those cute study supplies so now he has a hoard - or at least he did until his friends started taking them

he groaned about the cam.studies x {random ass ppl} fics todd wrote but he thinks theyre funny and has them bookmarked

he went on charlie's podcast and the two argued for half of it and then explained how as two alphas they would settle their differences by kissing

his friends help him angle his aesthetic shots at cafes and shit

he got exposed eventually as a fake becuz ppl (cough) posted his real notes which were messy and disorganized

but he played it off as a commentary about how the internet is fake and got more sponsorships

he judges todd and neil but is eating popcorn at the front seat of the drama

meeks

podcast name: chameleon hotel

youtube channel name: idkman

meeks makes a podcast for very stupid intricate crimes. he has a cult following of bisexuals

its stuff like drama over a tree being taken down

"the locals even called their beloved tree 'ole alvin'"

charlie: todd write a meeks x ole alvin fic

he has standards, so he does

he went on charlie's podcast and convinced ppl that being with other men allowed u to suck in their alpha-ness and become the ultimate alpha

but generally he just makes his little silly videos and makes cryptic posts about the neil todd drama

has a joint channel w/ pitts

is up to date with the neil thing and is the one to send neil updates

he tries to convince neil to act out his podcasts (with a lot of success lmao)

he tries to convince todd to write fics based on his podcasts (also with a lot of success)

as payback for the ole alvin x meeks fic he convinces todd (very easily) to write a bunch of dumb charlie fics and todd agrees becuz he has standards

no one actually knows that the poets know each other

they eventually post a group photo

"we need to cancel neil perry for being friends with an alpha podcast guy" "nah thats just charlie"

"yall know hes bi, right?"

"he literally has a podcast about how sucking dick as a man makes u the ultimate alpha male"

it does explain why charlie's alpha podcast go from tiktok actor, tumblr fanfic writer, instagram study blog, fellow podcaster, hw help tiktoker in between his satire of normal alpha tiktokers

half of these things are like copy and pasted from our conversation btw so dont blame me for them

[harleyqueerner]

i saw hozier live in concert last night, so i’ve been thinking a lot about his music which in turn of course makes me think of payneland, and as i was looking through the genius annotations of his song “i, carrion (icarian)”, i realized how very payneland it is. so here’s an analysis/thought process on that. i’ll be including screenshots from genius dot com to aid me (sorry if it’s a bit all over the place this was originally me yapping to a friend through voice memos)

trigger warning ‼️‼️ for child abuse btw, i talk about charles experience with his father quite a bit in this post

so as i was reading the annotations pictures below, i came to the realization that edwin is the sun to charles’s icarus . which set me off in this whole messy tangent to explain why i think this.

jumping right in:

charles doesn’t even realize he’s dead until he sees his own body dead on the floor of the attic. and this is because he was so distracted by edwin’s kindness and companionship. and While he’s with edwin, he’s always trying to be happy and he’s always got this smile on his face. and it’s not that he’s necessarily in denial about his death, its that he’s not sharing his feelings and grievances, he’s not talking about them like he should be, he’s pushing all of that down, which could potentially be his downfall. charles is so distracted by edwin, enraptured (thank u @b-dwolf ) by him really, that he doesn’t even realize that he himself is not doing well.

annnnd the fact that daedalus, icarus’s father, is leading icarus into these situations, he’s pushing him to do these things that are getting him hurt, which correlates to charles’s father abusing him.

continuing on:

…..

charles dying because of the freezing water and it should’ve been brutal, and it was, But because edwin was there with him it was less painful, more gentle, and as he’s dying, he accepts that fact and leans into the love and light and warmth he now gets to feel forever with edwin.

they both save each other from falling too far they’re constantly saving one another and picking each other back up or making the fall less painful just by loving each other so deeply and irrevocably.

so like basically, payneland defies all these tragic love because they’re so in love .

there are so many myths and stories of characters who were like them, but they didn’t make it out alive/together. and while, yes, charles and edwin are both dead, they are still together and that’s a testament to how close they really are and how much they love each other. even in death, they will not be separated. and when their relationship is threatened, neither of them will accept the “inevitable” damnation. they fight and fight and they make it out together each time.

continuing on:

in the song, hozier kind of references the god atlas, who holds up the sky/the world, while talking about his lover or whoever he’s talking about in the song. so he’s saying that his lover holds up His sky, His world, and in that, it makes him feel weightless, or they soften his fall. and (if i’m understanding the annotation correctly), hozier is also saying that is lover would drop the world in order to stop his fall. (please correct me if i’m wrong here because it’s confusing me). and thinking about it, edwin really does carry such a heavy weight on his shoulders. like the “they have to matter!” scene…..

so onto charles’s father being daedalus:

daedalus’s warning to icarus about flying too high equating to charles’s father potentially (probably) “warning” charles about the dangers of the world and being queer in said world but simultaneously being the one to hurt and abuse him and put him on the path leading to his death by sending him to the boarding school.

and then icarus not listening to daedalus’s warnings/charles defying his father by being who he is and fighting for whats right which gets him killed. but his death isn’t as horrible as it should’ve been because edwin was there alongside charles, comforting him, and it almost makes dying worth it in a way because at least now he’s with edwin, his sun, his guiding light, the one who holds up his whole world now. and then after death, charles prioritizes edwin and everyone else above himself, which could have lead to his damnation, to them losing one another, but he said Fuck that he will not let those tragic stories define them, he will not let them be separated no matter the cost.

they are the exception to the thralls of tragic love stories.

another lyric “if the wind turns, if i hit a squall, allow the ground to find its brutal way to me” … charles thinking that he’s not worth the love he receives from edwin/not worth the “trouble” it takes to love and care for him, and not wanting, but Needing, edwin to just let him go and save himself and the world over charles, if the moment came where edwin had to choose between him and others. charles needs edwin to survive (well. yknow what i mean.) because he knows he wouldn’t fare well without him (just like hozier’s song “fare well”…).

hozier also mentions atlas in his song, movement, where he compares his lover to “atlas in his sleeping” (in his sleeping bc he has to be so careful and graceful as to keep holding up the skies). he also compares them to fred astair (pictured below), except here he says that his lover is unlike him in the way that his lover moves and acts more organically, unlike astair who is very showy. and while yes, edwin is definitely a show off and puts on a mask for others, charles see past this and knows who edwin is deep down, knows that he’s graceful and lovely and kind. (he also sings later in the song about how his lover is more than what they seem on the outside.)

hozier also talks in this song about how his lover moves him, shapes him to be who he is, to live more organically. so with that. putting charles in hozier’s place: bc edwin is charles sun his guiding light, as i stated before, edwin inspires him to be better than his father before him. now of course charles never Wanted to be his father, in fact he’s always trying not to be, but edwin helps charles understand that he could never be his him bc his father didn’t care about hurting people, meanwhile charles does everything in his power to be kind and help people. edwin even tells charles that in him actively trying not to be like his father, he is already so much better than his father could ever be. i could go on about “movement” and about how payneland it is but i think that ones more obvious and doesn’t really need too much explanation imo.

also in movement. “i could never define all that you are to me” and charles not knowing how to define him and edwin bc it surpasses that of platonic and romantic feelings …….

SO! in conclusion hozier wrote “i, carrion (icarian)” about payneland (along with many of his other songs) because how else is it so accurate to them??? crazy

[soullessjack]

🔥 jack

oh my godddd I have so many unpopular opinions where do I even start….HOLY DISCLAIMER BATMAN!

anyways so in no particular order or tier system:

✯ i don’t think jack would wear anything feminine im sorry spn fandom. for lolz he has same-outfit-pattern-everyday autism and for serious it’s like. Really weird how fandoms tend to HC/portray non-binary amabs (and men/transmascs in general) almost exclusively as GNC or fem-presenting…like DGMW that is a real and valid form of self expression but it’s not the Only type of non-binary expression that exists. and honestly…**dare I say that most fandom/queer spaces just need to realize that queer masculinity exists and it doesn’t always have to be a matter of breaking gender norms??

** genuinely do whatever u want idc I can’t stop you i don’t want to stop you yada yada. paint his nails and put him in a skirt all u want but Please recognize patterns yall 😭

✯ more headcanon complaints (see disclaimer above ⇧) but I promise to switch it up soon. anyways every time somebody on this lil website says something along the lines of “Jack can’t handle/doesn’t like [insert violence, scary or adult-oriented thing], he prefers [soft or blatantly childlike things]” I shrivel inward like a dead spider. It’s annoying, it’s completely inaccurate to his canon personality and interests, it’s annoying ˣ2, and whether ppl wanna admit it or not—it stems from infantilization. not necessarily ableism, as infantilization is not exclusive to disabled people, but still just about the same thing.

honestly all I see of majority jack headcanons are ones that set him back to just being a child or otherwise being treated like one. for example, the one about him being able to shapeshift is pretty cool...until it just becomes about him deciding to age regress, yknow, to an age set he canonically chose not to go through, showed no desire to be in, and is more offended than anything to be considered as such. all of his interests have to be some shit like bluey or animal crossing, and he drinks apple juice from a sippy cup instead of beer. BARF.

I’ve lessened on my keyboard warring over babyjack in the past year but I have not lessened in being a hater. and I’ve said this before, but the baby-jack au already breached headcanon containment a long time ago when it’s not only so widespread that ppl take it for canon and it makes having any intelligent conversation about him nearly fucking Impossible, but it also lead to harassment and accusations of being a fucking predator, to anyone who dared find a whole grown man attractive. any potential jack ship, like jackharper? automatic grooming case to them. it’s like the fandom is just so dead set on this idea that jack really truly is a child in every aspect you can think of, and for what? if it’s just a headcanon, something you know is not part of the actual show, then don’t go Travis the Chimp levels of apeshit when you see him being treated like he is canonically 💀

unpopular opinion numero 3 which is slightly connected to 2:

✯ baby-jack and a handful of the domestic au’s are BORING (see disclaimer again ⇧), not just on a surface level to my suiting, but also because I feel like it just ..misses the point of the show?

the ragtag untraditional found family is now as nuclear and traditional as the Atomic Age. Dean and Cas are the most heteronormative “who wears the pants in the relationship” gay couple ever, Sam is demoted to the uncle that gets written out of his own family, Jack is just there to make his gay dads look cute and emphasize that they’re a gay family (while still being very heteronormative), and at least 5 of them could be found in a California gated community. everything that made any of them unique or defined their personalities is just scrubbed off, even for an AU.

so much of the later seasons focus on Sam and Dean realizing that they don’t have to make a hard splitting decision between the lives they want to live; that they can find a balance; be happy and have good things—namely families—without giving up hunting (and vice versa, that they can have hunting without giving up on family or happiness). everybody loves the gay hunters from S10(?12?) and what they represented for Dean, but I almost never see that be put into practice in the fandom.

THEY’RE ALREADY DOMESTIC!!! AND WITH THAT PERFECT BALANCE!!!! Season 13 quite literally gave Team Free Will a surrogate son to raise and established them as a family; highly untraditional, largely dysfunctional, overall not fitting of a family family, and yet they are a family still. Dean wears an apron and cooks and bakes for everyone; he built himself a man cave and established two separate family night events that they all ritually keep up; Sam has a morning jogging routine and visits his girlfriend every so often; Jack was taught how to drive, has normal chores like washing dishes, and gets groceries. And they didn’t just have that while fighting monsters—they had that while fighting a whole fucking archangel. Even if it did go down the gutter by the end, they still had it: domestic familial bliss and violent messy hunting without having to trade one for the other.

✯ I truly genuinely think Jack’s relationship with Dean is the best, most interesting and most misunderstood out of the three, and I also think that the problems with his relationship to Cas and Sam are hugely overlooked by the fandom—granted they are very small, especially if you’re comparing it to Dean, but they’re still there and I think we should bully Cas and Sam about it more. I shan’t elaborate because it’s 5AM and this was an impulsive add-on ❤️

✯ getting normal now…his plaid pattern jacket from the first half of Ouroboros is ugly as SHIT i have never liked it and don’t think I ever will. but I cannot deny it; he got that shit on.

✯ most unpopular opinion of all, I wanna do insane shit to his cervix 🙌

[edwardallenpoe]

Hullo dearest! Please tell us about your thoughts on the several cowardly versions of Sherlock Holmes?? 💛

:v

Well then. I suppose I have been forced to, woe is me.

Anyways. The ONLY acceptable adaption I will not be shitting on is Granada. I love u Jeremy Brett 😘 as for everyone else, they are COWARDS!!!!

First reason why they're cowards, being the obvious reason:

Johnlock

(pt: Johnlock)

Not letting Sherlock and John get together. COWARDS. So many adaptions and only, like, one that I know of let them be together??? (That being this amazing short film I watch ten times a day) And it would be different if they let their relationship just be and let them be platonic while still letting them have that familiar depth like in Sherlock & co., but NO, shows like Sherlock BBC and The Irregulars tease and queerbait to hell and back, and even make the one of them queer and in LOVE with the other (like in The Irregulars, John is in love with Sherlock but as far as I know, doesn't tell him because he's unstable or smt idfk) but they don't get together for one convoluted reason or another. It's frustrating as hell because it's not like there was no substance between the two in ACD/Original canon, it's not like the TJLC invented it bc of Sherlock BBC or the RDJ Adaption, no, their relationship was so deep and so real and so beautiful in ACD canon and if there is gonna be an adaption where their relationship stays the same, that's fine, perfect even, but NO, they add extra bullshit that make you think there might be something and then give unreasonable reasons why they can't be together, making you feel like YOUR the weird one for seeing something that wasn't there apparently.

Reason number two why I find most of these adaptions cowards:

Irene Adler

(pt: Irene Adler)

For some reason, every single adaption (except for my love, Granada<3) they fuck her up. Like. ACD Irene Adler vs BBC, RDJ, Enola, ect. Irene Adler are not the same Irene Adler. Who is she????? Because the Irene Adler I heard in The Scandal In Bohemia, was an upper class woman who had an affair with the king of [Forgor lol] and kept the photo of them together as collateral when he ditched her and tried to get married to a princess.

The Irene in these adaptions??? She's a trickster, a Dominatrix, an Assassin, the Lover of Moriarty, and INSANELY IN LOVE WITH SHERLOCK HOLMES. what the FUCK

Like. Please please please someone correct me if I'm wrong, but is there another Irene Adler in the ACD canon??? Who is all these things?? Because when I watched Granada, when I read the story, and now listening to the audiobook (which, off-topic, found a playlist of free audiobooks of all the short stories on YouTube with a fantastic narrator here) The Woman described in these stories, yes can be secretive and sneaky, but was NEVER fucking like RDJ or BBC's level of Irene Adler. It kinda feels like they just picked whatever character they wanted to make a Pandora out of (which is doubly weird that BBC made Mary Morstan like that when they had Irene but I barely acknowledged post season two canon outside of @gaylilsherlock 's fantastic fics, plus they almost completely left ACD canon after Reichenbach which I don't really mind, but post-reichenbach is a whole other post) instead of making their own character. So I find them cowardly for a) not making Irene at least semi-accurate to the canon besides a tiny photo (even tho canon photo was a FUCKING CANVAS- okay I'll stop) and b) not making up a new fleshed out character of her own to be a secret spy.

And uhhhh I can't think of anything else rn. Yeah:D I would complain about Sherlock & Co. But because it's not finished yet and I like how they're treating Sherlock and John's relationship and also them as their own individual characters I don't have too much to complain about, and I would complain about Irregulars but I could not get past the first five episodes. I just couldn't get into it. It kinda felt like they made a whole story that just so happened to have Sherlock Holmes characters in it. Idk tho.

Tldr: Johnlock and Irene Adler deserved better.

(pt: tldr: Johnlock and Irene Adler deserved better.)

[firstkanaphans]

Hi Sarah :) I hope you're having a beautiful day. I'm still learning so much BL history and I was hoping you'd be willing to elaborate a little on your tag "Saint has given so much to an industry that was so cruel to him." I really only know that he worked with Perth and Zee but I don't know anything beyond that.

Hiiii!!!

Whatever you are imagining, I guarantee it’s worse…

So Saint and Perth worked on Love by Chance together in 2018 and there was a lot of drama going on behind the scenes between their managers. Most of the Love by Chance cast—including Perth—was managed by the same company. I’m pretty sure Saint was the only one who wasn’t and Perth’s management did not like that. They did everything they possibly could to shun Saint from the production, including ACCUSING HIM OF BEING A SEX WORKER.

They started a bunch of rumors about how Saint’s management was selling him to rich old men and insinuated that’s how he was booking jobs. Adults said this. About a nineteen-year-old. Because they were mad he got cast in the lead role of a BL series instead of one of their actors. They eventually apologized, admitting culpability in the process, but dear lord.

It’s also important to note that Perth was a literal child at the time and had no clue what his management was doing. He and Saint have somehow managed to stay friends despite all of this, but Saint obviously refused to come back for LBC 2.

There’s a pretty good YouTube video that breaks it all down here if you’re interested.

After that, Saint still agreed to do Why R U? with Zee. Their rift is a bit more run-of-the-mill—because what could possibly top accusing a teenager of being a sex worker??!—but I believe the story is that Saint pissed off some of Zee’s stans by making a joke during an interview about how Zee never texts him back. (Which is ironic coming from the FK fandom where First does this to Khaotung literally all the time.) Zee’s stans canceled him, doing the usual cyberbullying routine on social media, and he hasn’t been in a BL since.

Truly, I don’t think this industry has put anyone through more hell than Saint and although he never really talks about it, Perth has gotten a lot more open in recent years about how much the industry has damaged his mental health and I have to think a lot of that is because of this incident specifically. He was only sixteen at the time!

But despite (or maybe because of) all of that, Saint created a production company that seems to treat its actors very well and encourages them to live life to the queerest if that’s what they want to do. I doubt we’ll ever see Saint act in anything that he isn’t producing himself again, which is a shame, but I will always be thankful to him for taking a chance on GAP. He literally paid for that production out of his own pocket with no guarantee that it would be successful simply because he believed that queer women should be able to see themselves represented on screen. He’s a true ally and that’s why I try to support Idol Factory regardless of whether their shows are to my taste or not.