#but this is the starting point I'd give you. and hopefully there's something helpful in there.

[crdteezv]

Frat House - Yangyang Ver.

DISCLAIMER (important): This is a continuation of a fratboy series I’m doing for all the Wayv members! I recommend you read the prologue here first so everything can make more sense. You can also choose the other members here or at the end if you are interested in seeing someone else!

Paring:  !fratboy! yangyang x afab! reader

Genre: college! au, frat! au, smut

Synopsis: You continue playing an interesting game of Spin the Bottle/Truth or Dare with Ten and his friends. You were dared to spend the night with one of them. When the bottle was spun, it landed on Yangyang. You wondered what type of things you and him were about to get into tonight…

Warnings: smut. !possessive/jealous! yangyang, DUB-CON, toxic…, also somewhat dark and not for the faint of heart, dirty talk, teasing, kissing, fingering, hair pulling, oral (giving/receiving(69)), throat fucking, manhandling, masochism, spanking, video recording (consensual), edging, o.denial/control overstimulation, unprotected sex

Word Count: 3.2k words

A/N: I know it’s been some time since I last updated this series. But, I would like to say that it is hopefully coming to an end very soon! Next, I will work on Xiaojun and then finish off with Winwin. Now I hope you all enjoy the Yangyang ver!

After Hendery spun the bottle, it landed on Yangyang.

You felt a bit surprised but relieved that it didn't point to a certain someone. Plus, you kinda know Yangyang so this wouldn’t be too awkward for you. 

"Looks like you're staying with me tonight!"

"Yeah, sounds good. I'm pretty tired anyway, let's head up now."

He agreed and took your hand, leading you upstairs to his room.

Meanwhile, Hendery was still processing what happened. He felt a bit upset because he wanted the bottle to land on him. Others understood his feelings but moved on eventually. Everyone went to their rooms to sleep for the night.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

You have arrived at Yangyang's room.

It was nice and simple with a lot of grey undertones. His bed was facing the TV and was accompanied by his gaming setup.

"Hey, you can take the bed, and I'll crash on the floor or something–"

"No, it's okay. I'd feel bad making you sleep on the floor. Come here."

You gently pulled him towards the bed, feeling surprisingly at ease together.

"Your gaming setup looks pretty cool. So, you game a lot I assume?"

"Yeah, I do! I usually play with Winwin or Hendery. Lately, we've been hooked on Apex."

Seeing him talking about something he is passionate about, made him have this sparkle in his eye. You were so focused on what he was saying, you started to notice how attractive he was.

"I've never really played it before. I'm usually swamped with schoolwork."

"Wait, we could play now! I'll teach you."

Agreeing nervously, you watched as Yangyang set up the game. With a controller in hand, he guided you through the basics, his excitement contagious. Soon, you were immersed in the game together.

Laughter filled the room as you navigated the game alongside him. Gradually, you found yourself enjoying his company, feeling a growing connection. As the night wore on, you sensed a subtle shift in the air, the space between you started to heat up with tension. Sitting closely against the bedframe, your thighs would occasionally brush with each other, which was distracting you from the game.

"Hey, are you alright? You're playing slower than usual."

"I'm fine, just not used to this controller."

Yangyang paused the game, intertwining his arms with yours, hands still on the controller as if to offer comfort and support.

"You see, this is how you do it–" 

Yangyang's hands covered yours, skillfully maneuvering the controller to control your character. It was as if he was playing the game for you. You couldn't help but feel a mix of embarrassment and heightened nervousness at his intimate gesture.

As you and Yangyang continued playing the game, the close proximity between you felt both exciting and nerve-wracking. His subtle breath on your neck sent shivers down your spine, a sensation you hadn't experienced before. It was hard to concentrate, and Yangyang noticed.

"Do I make you nervous? You've been squirming since we started playing again. We can stop if–"

"No, don't stop," you interrupted, feeling emboldened by the moment.

Leaning back into him, you gave him a seductive look, feeling a rush of adrenaline at the intimate exchange.

Throughout the night, Yangyang couldn't keep his eyes off of you, feeling a growing desire. He couldn't resist any longer. Slowly, he began to kiss the back of your neck, which sent tingles throughout your body. His hands found their way to your waist, his whispers in your ear

“You should keep on playing the game sweetheart. If you win, I’ll do whatever you want...”

Shivers crawled down your spine as he said that to you. But, who are you to deny such an offer? You nodded your head and he leaned back onto the bedframe and your backside was facing against him. You felt at ease and started to play the game again.

But Yangyang had other plans.

As you focused on the game, his teasing escalated. His hands roamed under your shirt, causing you to squirm and struggle to concentrate.

"Please stop, I can't focus–" you pleaded, feeling overwhelmed.

But Yangyang's actions only intensified, his playful bites on your neck were sending waves of pleasure all over your body.

"I never said this was going to be easy," he smirked against your skin, his touch was driving you to the brink of ecstasy.

Determined to win, you bit your lip, trying to block out the sensations and focus. This will all be over once you beat the game. 

Feeling Yangyang's hand inching lower, your breath caught in your throat as anticipation mingled with excitement. His touch through your clothed pussy sent a jolt of pleasure surging through you, and you couldn't suppress the moan that escaped your lips.

"Seems like you don't want me to stop either," he whispered huskily, his voice dripping with lust as he felt the dampness soaking through your panties.

His words only fueled the desire raging within you, and you didn’t want him to stop at all.

His words alone were making you feel more aroused for him and you don’t know how long you could take it anymore. 

He pulled your panties to the side and shoved his middle finger into your wetness. You let out a moan that was quickly covered up with one of his hands.

“Shh, you don’t want the others to find out what we are doing do you?”

You shook your head no and weren’t even focused on the game anymore. You were too immersed in all the things Yangyang was doing to you. Each thrust was pushing you closer to the edge. As waves of pleasure crashed over you, your moans became so out of control that you couldn't contain them anymore. But luckily Yangyang's hand muffled all the sinful noises you were making. Your body felt limp as you surrendered to the overwhelming sensations, losing control over yourself. Tears started to dwell down your face from all the stimulation you were feeling.

When Yangyang's thumb found its way to your clit, a primal scream tore from your throat, your body shuddering with pleasure.

He finds this all amusing and starts laughing at you.

“God, you can’t be this desperate for me, right? You’re not even playing the game for me anymore-”

He feels you squeeze and clench around his finger.

“Mhmm, you’re getting close sweetie? Then cum for me.”

He started shoving his fingers into you at a faster pace than ever before. And just when you were on the brink of climax, he stopped and pulled out his fingers immediately. You felt a sense of discomfort from being unsatisfied by his actions.

“Hey, why did you do that?”

His smirk only widened as he pointed to the TV, explaining his motive with a mischievous look in his eyes.

“It’s because you didn’t win love. I told you I will give you anything you want if you win.”

“Are you serious? It’s not even fair you, kept on distracting me.”

“Oh I know, and I don’t plan on making any of this easy for you. But I'll give you one more chance since I'm feeling generous tonight."

“YES! Now what’s the catch this time?”

He grabs the controller and switches the game to a simple racing game.

“Now, this should be easier for you to play and I will just be down here-”

He switches positions now between your legs while you lean against the bedframe.

You rolled your eyes out of annoyance. This is just going to be harder than before. But you were determined to win, fed up with his teasing. You agreed and focused on the game.

He started slow by kissing all over your thighs and squeezing them firmly with his hands. You stayed focused, he was not distracting you this time. He admired your determination but knew he could break you soon. His kisses turned into bites, making you tense. He let out a little smirk and continued marking up your thighs. 

You were more focused on the game than before. You knew for a fact he was going to do everything in his power to make you fall for him. But, you are standing your ground and not making any moves. He couldn’t wait any longer and started to lick up your drenched pussy. He put your legs over his shoulders and started to devour you like he was hungry.

You bite your lip hard and start to lose focus. You were almost done with the game and just needed to hold out a little longer. He didn’t care anymore and shoved your core into his face. He started lapping up all of your juices and even started sucking on your clit. 

You finished the game just in time and ended up in first place and you can fully let yourself go for him. You threw your head back in pleasure and started moaning even louder than before. You didn’t care if the whole house could hear you at this point, you just wanted Yangyang to keep going.

You pulled onto his hair and pushed him hard against you. You feel him start to whimper into you. The vibrations of all of the sounds he was making made you start to wince around him. You squeeze your thighs around his head and he starts to gasp for air. 

“Fuck baby, this is not enough for me come here-”

He lays down on his back and places you on top of him. He made you face away from him.

“Back that ass into me sweetie.”

You were taken aback as he grabbed your waist and pushed your pussy onto his face, causing you to let out a moan. No one had ever made you feel this aroused before, and he was practically driving you wild. He practically making you see stars. You grind your core onto his face and he was loving every second of this. 

As you were going at it, you started to notice that his cock was right in front of you. With a sinful idea in mind, you pulled down his shorts and boxers, stroking him with your hand. He moaned in pleasure, too focused on you to fully comprehend your actions. He couldn’t help but grind up into your hand. Pumping him faster, you reveled in his needy desire.

"You enjoy this, don't you?" you teased, slowing your pace as he begged for more.

“Mhm f-fuck yes, don’t stop-”

You started to slow down your pace and let out a playful laugh.

“I don’t know if you earned it yet. You teased me so much tonight and -”

“P-please, I won’t tease you anymore..”

You looked back at him and gave him a smirk. 

“You promise?”

He nodded his head you decided enough was enough. You took him into your mouth, and he threw his head back. He had already forgotten that he had a job to do too.

“Hey this don’t get too comfortable, you better get back to-”

You didn’t have to tell him twice. He went back to devouring your pussy and with more vigor than before. You let out a loud moan and decided to suppress all your noises by shoving your throat down his cock. You began to bob your head up and down wasn’t planning on stopping anytime soon. You were both overwhelmed by each other. Just a moment ago you were playing a spin-the-bottle game and now his face is deep into your pussy.

Who would’ve known this all happening because of Hendery's little dare?

Yangyang couldn't resist thrusting into your mouth, causing you to gag. Tears streamed down your face as you wondered if you could take this anymore.

The both of you were reaching your breaking point.

You felt his cock start to twitch in your mouth, and you clenched around his tongue in response. With increasing urgency, you both intensified your pace, driving each other to climax simultaneously, not wasting a single drop. You got off of him and almost fell back but he grabbed you in time. 

“Oh baby, we're not done just yet.”

You gave him a confused look and he grabbed you and pushed you down into the mattress on your back. He pinned your hands over and proceeded to take off the rest of his and your clothes. 

"You're so beautiful. I've always wanted to do this," he confessed, his words a mix of desperation and lust, unsettling you slightly.

"Every day in class, I'd stare at you, wanting to be closer," he admitted, his voice tinged with longing. "But Ten or Hendery would always get in the way..."

He slowly brought your legs up his shoulders and positioned himself into you.

“But now… I have you all to myself.”

You started to feel a little intimidated by him. He seemed so possessive all of a sudden. Before you could even say anything, he slips his cock into your pussy, eliciting a loud moan from you as pleasure surged through your body. Your eyes started to roll in the back of your head. 

He began to pound into you with rough, deep strokes, his pace relentless and unforgiving. It was as if he was consumed by an insatiable hunger for you, a side of him you had never seen before.

“F-fuck Yangyang s-slow down-“

“No, I can’t anymore. I’ve wanted this for too long, princess. Besides just a moment ago you were practically begging me to fuck you.”

His words were starting to get to you. You did ask for this but you didn’t expect him to be so feral for you. Apart of you didn’t mind it though. You almost like the feeling of being wanted and almost felt selfish for it. It’s been a while since someone wanted to be inside of you this bad. 

So you gave in and started to make out with him. You wrapped your arms around his neck and brought him closer to you.  He gripped on the headboard with one of his hands and started fucking deeper into you. His strokes started to become more sharp and precise. 

“F-fuck p-please keep going… right there-“

“Ah you’re liking this a lot more now huh sweetheart? You look so pretty for me.”

He caressed your cheek gently before deciding to change things up. Flipping you onto your stomach, he positioned you with your ass in the air and pushed your head into the pillow.

"Now, I'm not holding back anymore. I want you to be loud for me so everyone in this house can hear you, sweetheart," he whispered in your ear, delivering a loud smack to your ass that elicited a whimper from you.

“Especially Hendery and Ten.”

Your eyes widened as you realized Yangyang had planned this all along. He had been jealous since you kissed Ten in front of everyone

Little did you know, he and Winwin were in on it the whole time.

 When he was whispering to Winwin when you kissed Ten, he was telling him that he wanted to find a way to separate you and Ten. Yangyang thought if he could somehow convince Hendery to come up with such a dare, there was a chance he could have you to himself tonight. That's why he didn't object when Hendery first proposed the dare.

Yangyang was jealous.

You looked back at Yangyang with such anger "You wanted this to happen, didn't you? How long have you been planning this?"

“Since we first met in math class. I always saw you and Hendery going against each other and how close you were with Ten-“

He pulled you up by your hair and brought you closer to his face.

“Now here you are all alone with me. Begging for me to fuck you. Isn't it crazy how things have turned out?" 

“Oh you’re literally insane you know that?”

He pushes you back onto the bed and slips himself back into you.

“And you love that about me don’t you princess?”

With each powerful thrust, you moaned his name, torn between fear and lust. Despite your conflicting emotions, you couldn't deny how good he was making you feel. You felt like you were losing yourself to him and you didn’t want to let go of that feeling.

You were enjoying this and so was he.

He slowed his pace slightly, still inside you, and reached for his phone. He started to record you.

"Now, baby, look into the camera and tell me who makes you feel this good," he demanded.

"You... you do," you managed to gasp out.

He gave a harsh slap on your ass again and you let out a loud moan.

He delivered another harsh slap to your ass, eliciting a loud moan from you. "What was that, sweetie? I didn't quite catch that," he teased

"YOU DO!" you exclaimed, feeling the pleasure intensify as he pounded you deeper into the mattress.

"That's right, pretty girl. Only I can make you feel this good," he affirmed before stopping the recording and tossing his phone aside.

"Now that I've got what I wanted tonight, I think it's time to wrap this up, don't you think?" he suggested, his actions leaving you too overwhelmed to respond with words. All you could do was nod your head. You were too preoccupied to be able to let out any words at the moment. He was bringing you so much pleasure that all you could do was scream and moan in ecstasy.

He grabbed your waist with both of his hands and started to fuck you into the mattress. He gripped your waist so tight that it was starting to become a little painful to bear. You both eventually climax at the same time and he was riding out all of your orgasms. He wouldn’t stop until you were fully satisfied.

He fell back into the bed and brought you to his chest. You were both panting for air, trying to catch your breath. It felt a little awkward afterward and you both didn’t know what to say to each other.

“Hey look I’m sorry for the way I acted tonight. It’s just I’ve liked you for a very long time now and I just got carried away. I can’t help myself when it comes to you-“

You kissed him on his cheek. 

“It's fine, Yangyang. You just caught me off guard is all. I just didn’t know you were this crazy for me-“

"Hey, I'm not that crazy for you," he joked, attempting to lighten the mood after everything that happened between the two of you.

“Oh come on. You kept on going on and on about how much you wanted me and was being really possessive. I think that’s what you call crazy.” you teased, noting his surprised expression as he realized your point.

"Look, I'm sorry again, and we can forget about this happening, and I'll even delete the video–" he started, but you interrupted him by grabbing his wrist.

"Oh, but I don't want to forget what happened tonight. It was just getting fun, don't you think?" you said playfully, causing him to feel drawn to you once more.

"You don't have to delete the video if you don't want to. I know you want to show all the other guys what went on with me and you tonight," you added, observing his surprised reaction.

"Especially Hendery and Ten, right?" 

**AUTHOR NOTES**: If you want to see what would happen if the bottle landed on a different member, choose here: [KUN] [TEN] [WINWIN] [XIAOJUN] [HENDERY]

[cozycottagetarot]

Quick Pick: Messages From Your Person

Hello, my loves! It's been way too long, but I'm finally back (hopefully for a long time) with a new reading as well as a bit of a rebrand. Today's reading is focused on messages from your person (kind of in the realm of a future spouse but generally a long-term partner) but I think for some of you it may come across as a current partner as well.

This is a pretty experimental reading for me. I want to start including an 'energy check' of sorts to help you better figure out if a pile is for you or not. I've done 'channelled' messages before but I felt weird about them so I've decided to give it a try again. The message aspect of this reading is just a free-flow writing of the cards that were pulled. And of course, I decided to play around a little bit more with my graphics. I'm always open to feedback, so I'd love to gather your thoughts on the set-up and reading itself.

Elle 🌿

P.S. I'm trying to re-do my masterlist but can't locate all my old pacs easily. If you come across one, I wouldn't mind if you send me the link. 🙏

Support My Work | MASTERLIST

Disclaimer: When reading tarot, my aim is to focus on self-reflection and seeking guidance. The readings you'll find here are designed to add a pinch of fun and entertainment to your day. While I might sprinkle in some advice that hopefully vibes with you, please remember that these insights aren't a substitute for any professional advice you might need-- after all, you know your journey best! For any love-related or future-focused readings, consider them captivating musings exploring possibilities. Divination inspired stories even. I can't predict the future but I do hope to add some enjoyment and insights into your everyday. Lastly my darlings, please take from these readings what resonates with you most, be it some, all or none, and leave the rest. 🌟

PILE 1

Note: Pile 1 your pile gave me absolute hell the first time around 😭. I was writing/channelling the message and the energy literally just gave way at one point, I was flabbergasted 🫨. Anyway, the second pull was much clearer, but I included notes I felt were important from the first pull in the post-reading notes section.

Your Energy:

Going through an awakening. A need or call for self-reflection. A new cycle is beginning. You must face what you are running from within, but you must also be patient. Rely on your inner strength. Needing to learn more about yourself before doing/trying something different. Potentially finding yourself in part of a mentorship. Connecting with people similar to yourself. Navigating regrets. Needing to let go of the old you. Needing to ground yourself.  A strong energy of needing to look within yourself. It is time to prepare yourself for your next journey.

The Message:

Can you let the past go? We’ve been through so much, the both of us, on our own and together. Why do you hold on to it when our future is waiting for us? I know I hurt you and I apologize. You didn’t deserve any of the pain I caused you. I don’t blame you [it felt like there was a specific reason but I couldn’t get the specifics] but I feel lost without you. I could tell you why, I want to, but words mean nothing without action. You know my story. My relationship with my mother, how that shaped me. You know I love the attention of it all, having everyone’s eyes on me. Makes me feel good.. makes me feel. But no one else’s attention mattered like yours did. I felt most close to myself with you. Please, please let go of that version of me you’re holding onto in your head. I’m taking space because I need to heal. I need to heal my relationship with me first before I can heal it with us. This isn’t goodbye; just so long for now. I’m taking time to put that me in the past too and find myself and what I want from this life. I mean it’s simple really, I want you, us. I want to give you the good life you deserve, but I need to fix myself first. Give me the self-love I deserve.

Post-Reading Notes:

There’s a mature, sad regretful energy. Someone on a journey of self-exploration. Two hurting souls who met at the wrong time. One of you may be further along in your healing journey or you’ve both healed parts of yourself and your relationship that the other one hasn’t healed yet.

First Pull Notes:

One of the first things that came to mind for me is a dark night of the soul… I haven’t heard that term in so long and I’ve completely forgotten what it means, but for someone in this pile, I feel like that may resonate a lot. Going through a tough time. Blow after blow. Your higher self or inner wisdom is trying to reach you. Introspection before a new beginning. An ending of something you don’t want to let go of?

Big things are happening in your life, and significant changes are taking place even though it might not seem that way right now. Lots of air energy. Gaining mental clarity is super important for you right now. Breakup vibes? You two are like opposite sides or motivations of the same energy. Holding on when you know you should let go. This is definitely your person (one of the cards literally says ‘You’re my person’).

PILE 2

Your Energy:

For some of you are at the end of suffering but lying to yourself about the truth of the outcome, while for others you’re running from the mistakes made along the way. Maybe it's both. You’re still grieving all that is lost, be gentle with yourself. Hard work and consistency may await you but keep at it. Adventure is closer than you think. You’re on the brink of success. Moving forward hurts, but you must. Your person (or something you've been romanticising) is waiting for you. You just have to be brave enough to step through the gate. Opportunities are coming your way. If you're interested in floral hobbies or embroidery go for it.

The Message:

I hear you. I haven’t given up on you. I hear the songs you play for me, I hear the songs of your heart. You’re my love, my soulmate. We were meant to be, you and me. You’re not crazy or insane, or any other term you demean yourself with. You’re my everything. I can feel your soul even though we’re apart. If I close my eyes hard enough, I can feel you there. I can see your sparkling soul mirroring mine... sad eyes, bright smile, you leave me in awe. I know you call to me, and I’m sorry I’m not there. Don’t hate me for it, please. I’m leaving behind all that has been holding me back… the same as you. I’m sorry it’s so lonely. I want to meet. What do you say? Impromptu trip to the tropics? Somewhere cold? I just want to escape the world with you and lie in your arms. You’re my home. I sit in your energy and let it guide me your way. But I do need time. Please be patient with me. I haven’t abandoned you. I’m finding me, for you. I dream about you so often and being the kind of person you’d inspire me to be.

Post-Reading Notes:

"I need you to run to me, run to me, lover." (Run by Hozier, the chorus specifically. I know the song is supposed to be a metaphor but I'm suggesting it at face value). A very healing energy to your person's messages. Your person could also fantasise about you a lot... in a non-x-rated 18+ kind of way. It was mentioned on one of the cards but that part of the card felt awkward in the rest of the cards. They’re possessive, it doesn't seem like in a negative or extreme way but again, that's not something that was strong or clear. There’s something to do with the attention of others. They just want to be yours completely… Honestly, a submissive yet dominant kind of energy. A protector and/or provider (take that as you will) who is absolutely smitten with you and will do anything you say.

I don't typically read for it, but one of the cards had twin flame written on it. It could also be symbolic of mirroring each other in your personal journeys in life.

PILE 3

Your Energy:

Powerful yet solitary energy. A new chapter of your life. Accomplishing a big goal. Moving to a new location. Creating a good foundation for yourself in preparation for what comes next. Balancing your energies. Sleep issues. Struggling with anxiety or managing thoughts after a traumatic event. Celebration. Having security. Authoritarian role or vibes.

The Message:

Okay, I can do this: I can’t get you off of my mind. I’m constantly thinking of you, viewing your content, trying to set myself up to run into you. I know it’s silly, especially since you hurt me. Who pines after the person that hurt them? Well, it wasn't meant to be mean. You’re just so mysterious I can’t ever read you and it or you make me nervous. I’m always worrying about what to say. I want to talk to you but opening up to others is hard. I’m afraid I’ll start crying or you’ll hear my voice crack. You’re my person. I’m sure of it. You’re everything I’ve hoped for in a person, everything I dream about before I go to sleep at night. You’re doing so well for yourself, but I want to spoil you and be there for you. Not always materially. I know you can cover that for yourself. But being there for you and spending time with you… I heard you were seeing someone. I hope it’s not true and even if it is, I hope it doesn't last. No, I’m not sorry. I’m going to work up the courage to reach out to you soon.

Post-Reading Notes:

Oh Pile 3, you’re so intimidating to your person. Secret admirer vibes. I definitely think you’ve got a very serious or professional energy and an intimidating appearance. That may especially be true if you’re taller than average for your demographic/s. The energies here feel very balanced or neutral (not heavily feminine or masculine) on both your end and theirs.

PILE 4

Your Energy:

Such a beautiful light-hearted energy. There’s such a beautiful and hopeful energy in this relationship here but it’s also possible someone or something is working against you right now. A very important decision is being made. Someone could be trying to take something from you, but keep going. You’ve got this incredible power/energy to you. Vows are super important, be it making them with someone else or making a vow to yourself to gain or achieve something. Collaboration. Having everything you need to succeed. There could be challengers coming your way but you're strong enough to overcome them.

The Message:

I’m sorry. I don’t know, that was immature of me. I swear it wasn’t like you thought but don’t worry I’m going to do better. Honest. You know, I dream about us being together and growing old. I dream about our kids. They’re so stinking cute. We’ve still got growing to do, ok, or I’ve still got growing to do. Please talk to me. You know I hate it when you give me the silent treatment. I know I disappeared on you and that wasn’t cool. I just get so… I care about you a lot. I don’t want to see you hurt. I want the best for you. I know I act all big and bad but I’m a softie at heart. That fight was weird. I don’t like it. It wasn’t like us. It meant nothing I know. Would you pack up and run away with me if I asked? I hate the distance between us right now. Im always listening to our playlist. I know I acted like I'm uninterested in something serious but I am. I want you. I miss you. I want to spoil you and give you everything you deserve. Just give me a chance. Please hear me out.

Post-Reading Notes:

The vibes while doing the reading felt like very young vibes? There’s a youthfulness there. Someone who either is actually young in age or hasn’t grown up emotionally in a certain aspect. It felt like they did something prideful that was hurtful to you and you two are in a disconnect during the moment captured in the reading. It didn’t feel like a serious fight. More so when you’re upset with someone and acting like you’re madder than you really are (your vibes) and the other person is sweating and begging you to talk to them again (their vibes).

Also, idk why but Peter Parker kept coming into my head 🕸️. I’m not feeling to analyse it so take it as you will.

[harleehazbinfics]

Sly

a/n: im brushing up on how to write for lucifer. i missed him 😭

During the fall of man, there was chaos among the order of the angels. With heaven's very own Lucifer being the catalyst of it all, it had sent all the elders in a frenzy and leading to his eventual fall from grace.

You were but a child when it all happened. They all used his name as a threat, to scare off angels that dare defy the rules. However, you didn't quite understand why he was condemned from heaven for merely dreaming, and why couldn't he be redeemed by asking for forgiveness. Isn't that what your principles were? You confronted your mother about this, but in fear that she would lose you she begged you to stop speaking about the matter.

From then on, you stopped talking about it. Up until a fateful occurrence.

You were rushing your way towards your office, a tall stack of papers in your arms and as you guessed it, rushing when you can't even see in front of you is a really bad idea.

"Oops, I'm sorry! I'm really sorry!" You cried holding the remaining paper in your arms. The person who bumped into you used their magic to lift sheets of paper off the ground and back onto your stack.

"Oh, it's fine. What's the rush?" A familiar voice of a man calls while he was helping you.

"I need to bring this report to the virtues. Hopefully, the meeting hasn't started yet," you explain, "Thank you, Sir Michael! Would you like to walk with.. me.. there..?"

You look up at the male in a daze as you figure out it wasn't Michael at all. Though they look similar and act the same way, it definitely wasn't him. He wore a distinct white top hat with a snake coiled around the base with accents of red, you trailed down to his face seeing his apple cheeks and awkward sharp toothed smile from being mistaken for his brother as he clutched onto his apple cane.

"O-oh! I'm terribly sorry for not noticing, Sir Lucifer!" You apologized, cheeks heating up from embarrassment.

"Oh it's fine. I get that a lot," he chuckles charmingly.

You blush at your mistake and how irrefutably handsome he was. He has a kind smile that seemed to wane ever so often with how downcast his eyebrows fell. It was as if he felt uncomfortable being here.

Your tug your lips into a thin line before cheerfully saying, "Is there anywhere in particular you're going? I'd love to be your escort!"

He seems dumbfounded at how an angel was kind enough to talk to him so candidly. Weren't there tales about his disobedience spread across of heaven? If this matter didn't require his attendance, he would have never come at all. However, seeing your gentle kindness made it seem worth while.

"Oh, couldn't possibly bother you. Aren't you late for a meeting anyway?" he refuses gently, pointing at the papers.

"Oh, it's fine!" you blush, "I'd be honored to spend some time with you!"

He quirks his eyebrow at you with a smug smile, making you splutter at your mistake, "I meant--as your guide! Yes! I don't have those kinds of intentions towards you! I apologize if it seemed that way!"

He gives you an attractive laugh and uses his magic to lift the paper off your hands and levitate beside you. Saving you the trouble of carrying them everywhere. He gestures his hand forward and replies, "Then shall we?"

You beam him a smile and escorted him to his meeting room, while giving him an update on the changes that were made since he's been gone. He looked less tense when you first bumped into each other and even chimed a joke or two in your conversation.

Not before long, you arrived at the door now carrying the paper in your hands. Giving him a big smile while he carefully walks forward to the door.

"It was nice talking to you, Sir Lucifer," you say a blush adorning your cheeks which he found adorable on you.

"I enjoyed our time together, (y/n). Hopefully, we can meet again someday," he replies with a smile of his own.

You gave him one final smile and started to walk down the hallway. But before you could take your 2nd step, he says something that made you blush from your cheeks to your ears and nape.

"By the way, you can just call me Lucifer. I'm divorced," he calls with a flirtatious smirk before entering the room.

His gesture makes you blush from the top of your head to your toes at his comment, calling him sly in your head. You shake your head trying to gain your composure as you trotted to your office. But it doesn't wipe the stupid smile you had on your face.

🔗All OTHER Lucifer Fics Taglist:

@bonnie-02, @marxo5, @whaatttlaufey, @froggybich, @rybunnie, @midorichoco, @bontensbabygirl, @janey, @akiqvq, @wonderlandangelsposts, @spoiled-slutt, @preciousbabypeter, @roboticsuccubus83, @simbalioness, @reachthestars, @atlas-rin, @luc1fersducky, @lovestruck-enby, @azullynxx, @delightedtosee, @s2tng, @cherry-4200, @aria-tempest, @lvstyangel, @0strawberrysorbet0, @corvid007, @kaminarithebest, @selvyyr

[mustainegf]

ok so, i’ve been listening to teenage dirtbag all day and i got this silly little idea that i can’t get off my mind

which is like 80s james having a crush on popular reader? and he thinks she’s so out of his league, but in reality she has always liked him and later they find out they have so much in common

btw i love you’re writing, thank u so much for giving us so much good content! 💘

THIS IS ADORABLE I’m gonna cry this is so cute

𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐍 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆

𝐖𝐀𝐋𝐊 𝐌𝐄 𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐄 ¹⁹⁷⁹

At seventeen, I loved only once, and she was way out of my league. Her name, so gorgeous, and she had everything I wasn't; popular, outgoing, filled with friends everywhere.

There was something so perfect about her, not to be underestimated, while I was merely one of the faces in the mass that made up my high school. I was the shy kid who kept tucking his head into his shoulders and always wore his guitar hung over his shoulder.

I'd watch her from afar, thinking surely someone of her caliber would never notice the class loser. Yet I couldn't help myself.

Every time she came down the hallway, her giggles echoing off the lockers, this strange longing would come over me. It was stupid, really. Why in the world would she ever look twice at me? She probably wouldn’t even look once…

One day, after a real long and tedious history class, I stood at my locker, just sort of fiddling with this combination lock. The bell had rung, and students who were rushing to their next class had started emptying the hallway.

But me, I was in no hurry. Already, in the head, I was mapping out the evening: go home, crank up my guitar, learn that new Diamond Head riff.

I was lost in thought and therefore didn’t notice her coming. It was only when she reached my side that I looked up to find her standing there. I froze, my heart somersaulting in my chest as she stood so close to me.

"Hi, James," she said, her voice warm and friendlier than usual.

I blinked. She knew my name. "Uh, hi," I stammered, trying to sound nonchalant but probably failing utterly.

She smiled, and it was almost like the sun coming out from behind the clouds. "I've seen you around. You always seem to be carrying that guitar. Do you play a lot?"

I nodded, my mouth suddenly dry. "Yeah, pretty much all of the time. It's, uh, kind of my thing”

"That's really cool," she said, and she sounded like she meant it. "I play a bit too. Mostly just for fun, though. What kinda music you like?"

It took a second for what she had just said to set in. She played guitar? I couldn't believe I had stumbled into a goldmine. Not only did she play just like I did, but she was so beautiful… and that’s all I could focus on. "I'm really into metal," I replied, now with a little more confidence creeping into my tone.

"You know, bands like Diamond Head, Iron Maiden, Misfits. Stuff like that."

Her eyes lit up, shocking me that she recognized of the names I’d just thrown out. "No way! I love Maiden!“

I smiled, and a something began to form that I'd never expected. "Yeah, totally..." I mutter through a wide smile, just staring at her gorgeous face.

We just stood there talking about the music, discussing our favorite bands and songs. I realized it wasn't all about popularity with her, she just plain loved music as much as I did. She was no longer this unreachable figure but a real person into all the same things as me. It was unreal. I just felt like I was in a dream.

Before that really good conversation had barely hit its stride, the bell sounded again, signaling the end of that break before the next class. I didn’t want the conversation from that point to be over, but before I could say anything, she gazed at me hopefully.

"Hey, wanna walk home after school together?" she asked.

I could hardly believe what I was hearing. "Y-Yeah, I'd love to," I said trying to keep my cool, but failing miserably.

"Okay! Meet me at the front entrance after last period," she said with a smile before bouncing off toward her next class.

I let my jaw drop, watching her as she practically slipped down the hall, her beautiful hair bouncing over her shoulders.

The rest of the day just seemed to melt. Nothing could hold my attention as my mind replayed our conversation over and over again. I couldn’t help my minds from thinking about the most mushy and gushy things.

I thought about kissing her, gently and loving, running my fingers through her hair, cuddling with her, whispering sweet things to her while I set sweet pecks along her cheeks.

For the very first time, I felt that maybe, just maybe, she liked me too.

As soon as the last bell rang, I had sprinted towards the front door.

I was leaning against the wall, trying to look casual, waiting. A few minutes later, she finally came around the corner.

"Ready?" she asked.

"Y-Yeah, let's go," I smiled, falling in beside her.

We walked in somewhat comfortable silence for some time, the autumn air coating my lungs. I felt a bit nervy but in a good way, you know, like the feeling that could convince you that you're alive.

As we walked through familiar streets, glimpses of her kept surprising me, and I couldn't still believe this was happening in real life.

"So, what got you into metal?" she asked, finally breaking the silence.

I shrugged, flipping the memory switch to when those first fist pumping riffs and pounding drums had grabbed hold of my ears.

"I guess it i related to it, being different and all. My brother leaves his drum Kit unlocked for me to play and I raid his records sometimes. What about you?

She smiled, her eyes very far away. "My older brother too. He's a huge metalhead. I used to sneak into his room and listen to his records when he wasn't around. It just kinda stuck with me, you know?"

I nodded, in awe at how similarly we’d come to this music. "Yeah, Music's got a way of getting under your skin.”

We just kept talking, there wasn't even a single awkward moment. We learned about more and more common ground, favourite bands and guitarists we admired, even some really obscure tracks we both loved from cassette trading.

By the time we came near her house, I didn't want our time to end at all. She turned toward me with a soft expression and looked a little shy. "Thanks for walking me home, James. I had fun with you."

"Me too," I said again, a feeling of warmth spiking inside of me once again. "Maybe we could do it again sometime?"

"I'd like that," she said with a broadening smile. "See you tomorrow?

"Yeah, see you tomorrow," I replied, and my heart felt like it was flying as I watched her walk up to her front door.

I couldn't stop grinning all my way home. Then I knew, maybe I was wrong the entire time. Maybe we weren't so different after all.

→ 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟐

[romanoffsbish]

Sabotage is a Girl’s Best Friend

Yelena Belova x F!R | Wanda x Natasha

Request (I lost it, but it was a simple / easy to remember- Jealous Yelena who sabotages every date R has until she’s caught) | WC: 3,959

Yelena quirked a brow at you as you waltzed into her room, having slammed her door into the wall to emphasize your frustrations, you fell back onto her occupied bed and groaned, "That was the third failed date this month!"

"Maybe love isn't in your future Y/N Y/L/N."

"No, it is. I just think you're finding the duds."

Natasha looked down at you with a smirk, it was almost as if she knew something you didn't, but you knew there was no point asking. Because the redhead did know, but she would never say it to you for her little sister's sake.

——

She knows what it's like to have to learn how to be a human being again, to develop deep feelings like the ones Yelena so clearly has for you. It's not too far off from her agonizingly slow love story with Wanda. However, the witch was aware of her feelings the whole time.

You're oblivious. Painfully so. Watching you two together is entertainment for the couple.

Wanda's almost always ready to meddle, but the redhead always stops her. She knows that Yelena would hopelessly ruin things if forced into it too soon. Which would be a real shame, because Natasha was rooting for you wholly; Yelena was good at keeping you, the resident klutz, safe, and you softened Yelena's heart.

The blonde deserved to have someone she could be care free with, and that loved her.

Natasha knew you loved her, so, as soon as you left the room she began to harass her sister.

"Yelena, you can't keep doing this to her."

Yelena sighed, hands over her face in shame. "I have no other choice." Her shoulders shook as she held back a sob. "I can't lose her when I haven't even had a chance to have her yet."

"Then make a move," Nat urged, her hand tight as it squeezed her shoulder encouragingly. "I hate seeing her so dejected, you're going to give her a complex. Tell her the truth, then the both of you can have the happy ending you deserve."

Yelena scoffed, "Y/N deserves better Natalia."

"You are plenty enough Lena," Natasha sighed.

"Not for her." Yelena shook her head with a hoarse sob, and so the redhead pulled her into a tearful hug. "Y/N loves you just the same, and would be crushed to hear you say that."

You wiped away the tears, nodding towards the closed door in agreement as you heard them. A bittersweet smile overtook your face as you took determined steps towards your bedroom.

If she wouldn't make the damn move, then you would have to. Starting by catching her in the midst of sabotaging yet another date. One you'll have set up for the both of you after she hopefully confesses instead of running away.

Natasha left her sister's room half an hour later after she got Yelena to lay down as she sobbed. Putting the broken blonde to sleep, and letting the redhead make her way to your room fast. Part of her was relieved you'd eavesdropped, but the other part was ready to pummel you.

When she finally found you she was even more frustrated, ready to go off on you until you turned to her with a smile and reddened eyes.

"I was thinking I'd ask Tony to rent me the entire arcade," you murmured over the pen that was now in your mouth. Natasha smirked as she stared down at your long list of ideas.

"The Kraft Factory Tour, is that even a thing?"

You shrugged your shoulders and giggled, "I'm an Avenger, I'm sure they'd make it happen."

Your easy laughter made the redhead hopeful, but she still felt a protectiveness for Yelena. So, Natasha abruptly caught you by the chin, her eyes hardened as she peered into yours. You gave her time to figure out your intentions, and once she did you felt her finger tap your nose.

"You leave the date to me," she grinned, "It'll make Wanda so happy to help, and it gives you time to plan your monologue, make it good."

—

A week went by, giving the blonde false hope that you'd given up. Sadly she wasn't that lucky, so now Yelena paced the floor of the elevator as it slowly descended the many floors. How you kept finding people was truly of no shock to her. You were perfect, so much so that she knew that one day she'd lose you for good. To the one smart person who fought back, who saw through her bluff and to your worth.

It honestly upset her every time they ran out of the bathroom with their tails between their legs. Forfeiting a chance with you was a sin.

This time you were going to a rage room, it didn't seem like much of your thing, but she just assumed your partner (to never be) picked.

As the blonde exited the elevator she was in a hurry, which is why Tony should've known to steer clear of her path, but he stood in it.

"Belova, just the person I was looking for." She rolled her eyes, and attempted to walk by, but he mistakenly stopped her with a hand on her wrist. She spun their bodies and slammed him into a wall. "Speak your words, don't touch."

Tony stuttered, "W-we have a mission."

"I am off the clock," was her quick, dry reply before she left the building in a focused stride.

The brilliant idiot had cost her time, something she couldn't afford to lose any of while trying to stop you, once again, from falling in love. It was growing exhausting, your constant flow of dates never seemed to cease. They always gave her an uneasy feeling, but this time it was only heightened by the revelation that Sarah, your old mission partner from your shield days, had asked you out. The pre-established connection was anxiety inducing. What if she is the one?

That was preposterous... Yelena was the one.

Even if you didn't understand that yet, she knew that one day she'd have the courage to tell you. It was the only destiny she banked on.

Once she made it outside of the compound she wasted no time climbing onto her tricked out bike, weaving through traffic with ease as she raced to get to you. She parked a lot away then sprinted into the building to find you and the brunette with the pretty smile, and doe eyes wrapped up in a reminiscent embrace. Her heart sank, but she didn't let it stop her.

As if fate was on her side the woman excused herself from your chat, and headed off towards what she could only assume to be the restroom. It was the easiest rendezvous spot Yelena had come to find out with every date she'd foiled.

Yelena made her way there fast, her heart on the verge of exploding as she wondered if Sarah would finally be the one to fight back. Not that she'd win, the blonde hadn't taken things to the next level with her threats, but she was willing to do anything for your love.

"Listen up," she didn't waste time as she began her speech before the door even full opened. A frown overtook her face though when she waltzed in to find her sister's girlfriend on the counter instead, wearing a playful smirk.

"I'm listening Belova." Natasha took her sisters silent glaring as a warning, so she emerged from the shadows of the large stall and took the liberty of locking the door before the blonde could bolt. The clicking of metal made the blonde turn to shoot the glare her sister's way instead, it was basically heatless. Yelena was masking the hurt from the betrayal, she was beyond terrified that the plan set in motion here was to prevent her from stopping you.

"Move out of the way Natalia!" She growled, her fists flexed, and the redhead rolled her eyes. Yelena hated not being taken seriously so she resorted to slamming her into the door. "If she and Sarah leave here together I will never speak to you again. This isn't fair to do!"

"Yeah, you're right Lena, it isn't!" She scoffed and pushed her sister backwards. The blonde caught herself before falling to the ground and raised her fist, ready to deliver a punch that was halted by swirls of red tickling her skin.

"Let me go Wanda Maximoff, or so help me..."

Wanda cut her off, "If you two would stop the bickering then you'd know that's exactly why we're here. To help you to get your love."

Yelena narrowed her eyes at the smug smirk on her sister's face. Natasha knew just how to push her sister's buttons, but never in a way that would be truly damaging. It felt justified to her to scare the blonde, to show her that her childish behavior would fail her eventually.

"How will I get my love if you've trapped me?"

"Are you truly incapable of figuring it out?" Wanda groaned as she flitted around the space to prepare her station. "Y/N figured you out."

"N-no, I-I was so careful." Yelena's teeth pierced the skin of her lip as the anxiety began to consume her. "Who the hell told her?!"

Natasha pulled her into a hug, her hands ran down the younger girls back as she let her sob into the fabric overlaying her chest. Then as the sobbing ceased Natasha spoke: "You did."

"I did no such thing!" Yelena pulled back, her defenses even higher at the crazy insinuation. "Don't be crazy. I would never say anything."

"She heard us last week," Natasha fed her the obvious information, "I guess I didn't wait long enough for her to leave before I scolded you."

Yelena was once again ready to annihilate her sister, but Wanda yanked her into a chair, and magically bound her to the seat. "The point isn't to place blame, but it's instead to rejoice that the cats out of the bag, and to get you ready for the date. Save the simmering rage for the rooms full of priceless antiques." Wanda pouted at the thought of the old televisions being smashed to pieces, and for the first time the sisters were in sync with their eye rolls.

"Moya lyubov', are you serious?" Natasha couldn't stop from laughing. "Deadly." The look Wanda sent her lovers way stopped it.

"Seriously?" Yelena wasn't afraid of Wanda. "It's all just junk witchy. We're in the new ages. Like, did you know you could make mac and cheese in a cup now? How revolutionary."

Wanda slapped the both of them upside their heads with the flick of her red shaded hand. Wanda ignored their grumbles in protest as she pulled a stunning outfit from a garment bag. It was fancy enough for the dinner Wanda had booked later, but practical for the rage room you two wouldn't budge on. "Go change before the clock strikes 12 and your princess bails."

Yelena looked to Natasha, eyes wide as she processed the reality. Her fingers consequently turned white as she squeezed the hanger, and the redhead took a step forward so she could press her forehead to hers. "Y/N's waiting for you Yelena, she's not going to reject you."

"How do you figure? What if she only agreed to this so that she could yell at me?" Natasha chuckled softly, "Because, she asked her friend who is engaged to play the part tonight, and she picked this dingy place with you in mind."

Yelena fiddled with her hands as she was escorted to the massive gymnasium. "Breathe," Natasha whispered, then before she could she was briskly shoved into the lions den. It was a massive space, the biggest room they'd rented out to people actually, and she was enamored.

In the corner stood an attendant who was patiently waiting for her to meet him by a door. Her eyes flitted around the room to find a wide variety of things to break, along with weapons to use for the objective. If not for you waiting on her as well she would've kept her pace leisurely, but she quickly made her way over.

"Welcome ma'am," he greeted with a fake smile, she could empathize as that's how she approached most people at the compound.

"I am not old enough to be a ma'am," she said, her tone nothing short of menacing, and then her glowering expression fell into a smile at the sound of your distant laughter. She didn't even pay him anymore attention as she followed the sound to a room full of various white suits.

"Glad you'd graced me with your presence Belova, I was starting to think I was stood up."

Yelena smirked. "You are." You rolled your eyes, but contradicted your gesture with the casual slip of your hand into hers as the man walked in to give the both of you the spiel.

It was comical really, the barely legal boy-man was informing two highly trained Avengers how to be careful with their chosen weaponry. He'd been prepared to tell you about the ways in which you should hold a sledgehammer as you swing it when the blonde decided to tell him how she's broken many bones with them.

He left in a rush after that, and wished you both a good time. Yelena cackled as she put on the suit, meanwhile you only shook your head.

Once the two of you were alone, and the humor had faded the vibe suddenly became tense. So without a moment's hesitation you led the way back into the destruction zone and began to shatter things with a wooden baseball bat.

Yelena followed your lead, using the previously mentioned sledgehammer to destroy a line of white, old-timey washers and dryers. Both of your minds were running wild with worst case scenarios, and with each slam of your weapon into something that shattered they'd settle.

After about ten minutes of grunting and swinging it was you who finally broke the silence that Yelena found a bit too comforting. When the wood hitting the floor echoed through the space she gently set her weapon against the wall and slowly walked over to you.

You met her halfway, leaning onto a beaten up box-tv with your arms crossed. "Why did you never just tell me Lena? I-I would've waited."

"I didn't understand until it was too late," she admitted softly, you could hear the emotion she was desperately trying to suppress. "You went out with Darcy, and when it didn't work I was elated. Then there was Carol, who left the next day for space, but seeing her flirting was enough to make me want to throttle her."

"Everything there was just a fling. I wanted to ask you out, but every time love was brought up you cringed and mocked the concept. So, I started to try dating seriously considering it was my only remaining option. Then I just thought with every failed attempt that maybe I was the problem, just simply undesirable."

"No, don't say that, you're the most desirable!"

"I don't get it though Lena," you smiled sadly, "You could have anyone you want. Why me?"

Yelena frowned, something she'd never done with you stood in front of her before. Normally she couldn't help but to smile, but your words of self doubt wounded her greatly. In all the time she spent worrying she wasn't enough for you, she never considered you would be in the same boat as her. "Why not you Y/N?"

"Do you know how many gorgeous people would kill to date you Yelena? The line would be out the door, and yet you settle for me."

She shook her head and threw a hand in the air to hush you. "Don't do that. I do not ever settle. I win. This is no different. You are one of those gorgeous women, you are the most perfect."

You chuckled humorlessly, "I'm far from it."

"You are blind," the blonde snapped, she swung the bat and sent a few glass bottles into the wall before she dropped it and walked up to you with a few glass plates in her hand now.

"Comparing yourself to a world full of people who couldn't even catch my attention. They are all nothing when held up next to you." Yelena held up a gorgeous black plate adorned with fancy gold trimming, and beside it a boring white plate with faded floral printing. Then she smirked as the latter shattered into tiny pieces.

Yelena set the fancy dish to the side then she brought your hand to her lips for a sweet kiss. "In a world full of ugly, you are the beauty; If my line is out the door, then it's safe to say that yours has to be around the globe. Which makes sense with all the dates I've had to crash."

"You didn't have to," you teased with a short laugh to follow. "I would've said no if I knew you wanted me the same way I did you."

Yelena's mouth fell open, nothing but splutters left as her tongue practically fell limp. She was a trained spy, with Natasha at her side this whole time screaming of your reciprocation, but she still felt bamboozled at the revelation.

"I knew I loved you ever since I saw you at that charity drive," Yelena confessed with a shake in her tone that usually isn't there. "When you helped that legless toddler find her furrever friend in that little calico kitty that matched."

You narrowed your eyes playfully, "Yeah?"

Yelena nodded without hesitation, it was your genuine intention that had her fall into the pits of the unknown. At the time she took it to be envy, but then she saw you go on a date with Darcy and she quickly realized the truth as she met and befriended the green eyed monster.

"I win then," you challenged, "I loved you so much earlier than that." Yelena shook her head and groaned, "Please don't say at first sight, that's just illogical." You giggled, then pondered allowed, "What about second?"

Yelena tried to remember what day it could've been, but she was stumped. "You were new, and practically attached at Natasha's hip. If anyone even tried to get close you'd glare."

Yelena hummed, she didn't doubt you at all.

"Well, it was the middle of the night when I found you in the kitchen. You looked so sad, and for a moment I could feel this pull. Fate decided it best to let me slip only seconds later, and it was in the moment that you caught me, as I sorta fell for you, that I knew you were it."

"Oh," Yelena felt her entire body warm at the sweet origin story for your emerging story. "Yeah," you giggled before throwing yourself into her body, she initially stiffened, but in a blink she was pulling you even closer to her.

For a moment the room was silent, the two of you felt the serenity deep in your bones. Then, in true Yelena fashion she had to interrupt it. "By the way, I don't need people to kill for me, I can do it by myself, and for you of course."

"Oh goodness me baby, I will never tire of your humorous little quips." Yelena wanted to say she was being serious, her words weren't intended as a joke, but she decided to settle into the joy you felt, plus, her heart was too busy hammering at your chosen endearment.

Your session wasn't over yet, but there wasn't any anger left to latch onto, so you took her hand and escorted her to the changing room. Both of you helped the other out of the plastic suits, then on your way out you thanked the couple who helped you plan it all, and tossed the redhead her sister's keys. "Don't—."

"Don't crash the bike, I know... I can't believe you'd even say such a thing to me." Yelena went to rebuttal, but you pulled her away before the sisters could bicker—again. 

The rest of the night was a dream, the two of you skipped out on the fancy dinner after only seeing food she'd never tried before. Yelena was a picky eater, and by that notion, if there were no chicken tenders on the menu (there weren't), then you could count her out.

She'd frowned initially, but gulped down her budding resentment for your sake. But you knew the girl like the back of your hand, so without a word you left a hundred on the table as a tip for the inconvenience, then grabbed her hand. "W-where are we going dorogoy?"

You spun around to face her with a bright smile after hearing the slip of a Russian pet name. It nearly sent the woman to her knees to have you that close, she wondered if you were like her own kryptonite. She didn't fully get the nerdy references Peter made, but she still tried.

"We are going to McDonald's." Yelena looked ecstatic for all of two seconds, then she pouted thinking she ruined the night. "I'm sorry."

"Yelena, this night belongs to us. Not Wanda, nor Natasha, it's about what we enjoy. You'd have likely barfed if I let you sacrifice your tastebuds for the sake of my own. Plus, I hate the ambiance of these sorts of restaurants."

Yelena nodded in understanding, the lack of lighting made it near impossible for her to even see the menu full of options she didn't favor. It made gawking at you near impossible as well.

"McDonald's is so much better, they have a play center, there's options for all, and most importantly I can actually see you smile."

"I can still eat here if you want Y/N," she tried, but to her delight you'd playfully shook your head and then caught her completely off guard. You'd leaned forward to peck her cheek, you felt as her lips turned as you lingered, then you both felt your stomach's swarming joyfully.

When you once again tried to walk away you were stopped by a hand on your wrist that seamlessly moved to your waist. Yelena held your gaze for a long moment, then as she found no hesitation from you she leaned forward and it was as if all of her worries disappeared.

Under the dimly lit streetlights in the barren parking lot the blonde felt her heart mend. As your lips perfectly slotted between her own, and your body melted beneath the pads of her fingertips it was as if the world rewarded her.

A lifetime of pain endured led her to this moment, with your body pressed against the door of your car. She reasoned it was all worth it for this kiss that signified a beginning.

One that everyone knew to be long overdue.

"You ready to go eat moya lyubov'?" Natasha whispered against the nosy witches cheek as she nuzzled against her affectionately from behind. "The dinner reservation expire soon."

Wanda watched as Yelena's hand began to wander, and suddenly the matchmaker trance was upended. "Let's go Natty bear, I want some caviar, this day has officially drained me."

Natasha bit back her snark in favor of not sleeping on the couch, her neck had yet to recover from the last time. She resided with silence, even if they both knew the only thing to be significantly drained tonight is her wallet...

At least the card she gave to Yelena was Tony's.

——

[hutchersonsgurl]

Date Night - Mike Schmidt

!not proof read!

paring female reader and Mike Schmidt

Warning: MNDI smut, fluff

summary: You just worked six days straight so you could help your boyfriend Mike with the bills and he has a surprise for you when you get home

๑ ⋆˚₊⋆────ʚ˚ɞ────⋆˚₊⋆ ๑ ︶ ︶꒷ ₊˚ฅ๑ ⋆˚₊⋆────ʚ˚ɞ────⋆˚₊⋆ ๑ ︶ ︶

You just pulled up to the house you and your boyfriend Mike share. You grabbed your bag and locked your car and then headed inside

You open the door and you see Mike sitting in his recliner waiting for you the moment he sees you he gets up and walks over to you helping you get out of your shoes and jacket

"Here come here and let me take care of you," He says

You follow his lead leading you to the couch he sits down and you sit down next to him he signals for you to give him your feet so you could rub them

"Baby you don't have too" you say tiredly

"But I want too you work your ass off for me and Abby it's the least I can do" he replies

"Speaking of Abby where is she?" You ask

"She's at a freinds house because we have a date night right now so get up and go change" he says in a bossy tone

"Alright Mr. Bossypants" you Answer

He just laughs and you go to the bedroom to go change your clothes

It takes you five minutes to change clothes and fix your makeup and your hair

You leave the bedroom "okay I'm ready babe" you say

"Good, let's go" he responds

Mike drives you to a skating rink

"But I thought you hated skating?" You ask

"You know I'd do anything to see you smile" he replies

The two of you enter the rink he pays for your guys skates and you take the skates to sit down and put them on

You both put on the skates and go on the part where you skate around

you start skating around this was easy for you because your dad would take you rollerskating every weekend when you were younger

you turn around to see Mike struggling to keep balanced you smile and skate over to him

"Need help babe?" you ask

he looks at you with pleading eyes " Yes please" he answers

you take his hand and start skating around together 'you take his hand and start skating around together

"See you got it babe," you say

the music in the roller rink starts to pick up and the two of you start to dance while skating around

you start to smile and he looks at you adorably "What do I have something on my face?" you ask

"no baby I just love seeing you smile," he says as he runs his thumb down your cheek and then he almost loses his balance but you catch him

"Alright let's get you off this floor," you say as Mike nods in agreement

you and Mike take off the skates and head over to the arcade part of the building

" lets play skeeball?" Mike askes

"Let's do it " you answer

you both put a quarter in and began to play

You start to throw the skeeball and while trying your best not to look at Mike because you know he'd distract you big time

The two of you played until the end of the game and you beat him by one point

"Oh come on babe I totally beat you" he says with a chuckle in his voice

"Well according to the game you didn't, " you say with a smirk

"Well maybe you distracted me you ever think of that?" He says wrapping his hand around your waist

《》》》《》《》《》《》《》《《》《》《》《》》《》《》《》《》《》

Part 2 coming soon!

Sorry that I haven't been posting some personal things have been going on but hopefully I can get back to posting soon!

I hope you like it lmk

Not edited

[toxicpineapple]

writing tips masterpost

hello to my loyal tumblr followers... i am often asked to give writing advice but usually when people ask me this i'm nooooot completely sure what to say despite having a ton of advice to give. it's such a broad question when there are so many different things i can advise on, right? so i thought i'd make a sort of writing advice masterpost where i can compile the tips that i think people specifically in fandoms could benefit the most from hearing, OR that i wish someone had told me when i was still finding my footing as a writer.

hopefully this will be helpful to you. i am putting all of the advice under a read more since this is going to be a long one. let's roll!

✬ paragraph breaks are your friend

the fastest way to get me to stop reading a fic is if i click in and see that there are NO paragraphs made and the entire piece is in a huge block of text. no matter how good your work is, i just can't read it at that point. the giant paragraph makes me get lost, i can't focus on anything... it's a huge no.

the trick is you want your paragraphs to sort of act as a guide for your reader, taking them through the story, keeping them engaged. do not be afraid to do short paragraphs! i can understand wanting to shy away from one or two sentence paragraphs for fear of not having "enough substance" in your work, but the truth is, a thousand short paragraphs is ten times easier to read than a huge block of text.

realistically, you want to have a good amount of variety in your paragraph length. variety is key. readers will notice when your work gets formulaic, and some people will like that, but for others that can turn people away from your work. but don't force it! a paragraph should end at the end of a statement, or if the paragraph is getting too long then cut off the thought and continue in the next paragraph with a transitional phrase.

as a general rule of thumb, you want lines of dialogue by different speakers to be put in separate paragraphs. you also want to avoid doing huge chunks of narration or exposition in the same paragraph as you introduce a new speaker. just make a new paragraph! no big deal. i guarantee you your reader will be way more engaged and nobody is going to come at you for doing more rather than less.

✬ make sure the reader knows who is speaking and when

you don't have to end off every line of dialogue with "she said" and in fact i would really recommend you don't. but you ALWAYS need to have some kind of indication in the text as to who is speaking, otherwise the reader can get lost.

this doesn't necessarily mean that you always have to explicitly say who is saying what, though. if it is obvious in a scene who is saying something -- so for example, a scene where there are only two characters talking OR the dialogue has some kind of phrase, statement, etc that makes it obvious who the speaker is -- then in that case you can just let the dialogue speak for itself. sometimes in writing less can be more. you disrupt the flow of a scene if you start to exposit unnecessarily when the reader could reasonably work something out for themself.

✬ "said" is your friend too

related to the last piece of advice, here's another note: don't shy away from using the word "said".

don't overuse it, either. obviously, you don't want every single line to be "he says" "she says" back and forth, especially when they might be asking questions or shouting, in which case the word "said" probably isn't all that applicable at all. but it's a nice default. if you catch yourself busting out the thesaurus, my recommendation? quit it. just use said. it's not going to hurt you and the reader isn't going to mind.

but yeah, in the event that a character is raising their voice, whispering, inquiring -- there are tons of other words you can use in lieu of said and then an adverb. it's just context-dependent, and also, you don't really want to lean too far one way or another. like i said, variety is key. too much of the same breaks immersion.

✬ if you wouldn't say it yourself, probably don't use it in writing

another related tip. look, i get it. you want to spruce up your writing with synonyms. but the fact of the matter is that a lot of these words that "mean the same thing" on paper actually have wildly differing connotations and if you don't understand what those are you're going to look kind of silly whipping out a word you just found off the internet. we can usually tell, too.

your vocabulary will naturally grow and expand as you continue to read and learn. you don't have to try and force it to seem smarter in your writing. people who can write compelling prose and dialogue without throwing in fancy words they barely understand look a lot more intelligent than people who have a thesaurus at the ready 24/7.

✬ if there's a simpler way to say it, take it

this one can be sort of style-dependent, so if it's not your cup of tea then feel free to take or leave this tip, but in my opinion, taking a whole seven-line paragraph to describe a simple action wastes both your and the readers' time.

how many times have you read a fic where the main characters are having a conversation with these long rambling paragraphs between lines of dialogue? sometimes this makes sense! if you were writing a death note fic it would absolutely make sense for light or L to be pausing every few seconds to carefully analyse their opponent's move... but that's not always the case. sometimes characters are just making small talk.

i'm not saying you can't show off. you should show off where applicable. but there's a time and place. sometimes a scene benefits more from you taking the easy way to describe something and moving on. flowery language is great, but if you're meandering too much the reader will lose interest and attention.

✬ a metaphor is useless if nobody knows what it means

writing is subjective and highly personal. write for yourself first and foremost, and use the metaphors that feel right to you -- but the best metaphorical pieces, to me, are the ones that people can understand and identify with.

you've read a story like that, haven't you? with a reoccurring theme or motif that comes back into play at the end in a way that makes you feel so satisfied and complete? THAT'S what you aim for with literary devices like that. if you write a story that nobody can understand, with metaphors that just don't make any sense -- then you haven't really successfully told a good story, have you?

i understand wanting to have a magnum opus. i think it's easy to fall into the "misunderstood writer" mindset where you want your pieces to be so magnificent that only the likeminded will get it -- but writing is a form of communication. metaphor is just another means with which we can illustrate how we feel. you WANT your readers to understand what you're doing with the metaphors, you WANT the people who step away from your story to know what you were trying to say. you don't have to be obvious, just make it good. make it something that can be reasonably drawn from the text.

at the end of the day flowery language is just flowery language. that doesn't actually make your story good.

✬ grammar intermission

(.) period/full stop: used at the end of sentences. oftentimes not used at the end of sentences in dialogue, because lines of dialogue are considered a fragment of a larger sentence. use a period/full stop at the end of a line of dialogue if the dialogue is followed up by another complete sentence. example:

"i just went to the store," he said, scratching his head.

"i just went to the store." he scratched his head.

(,) comma: used in the middle or to separate different clauses (parts/sections) of sentences. used for incomplete clauses, AKA sections of the sentence that could not function as individual sentences. also used to indicate a slight pause. example:

she reached for the ripest banana, plucking it from the bunch.

a comma can also be replaced by a conjunction like "and" or "but". example:

she reached for the ripest banana and plucked it from the bunch.

(;) semi colon: used to separate different complete clauses in sentences, AKA sections of the sentence that are related but COULD function individually as their own sentences. example:

he sighed as he looked out the window; it had been so long since he stepped outside.

not to be confused with

(:) colon: used at the end of a line that leads into or introduces another line. example:

his fingers drummed restlessly against the window sill. it was finally happening: he was finally leaving this place.

(-) hyphen: used to connect compound words like three-years-old or hyphenated surnames like jones-smith.

(–) en dash: used to indicate ranges of time or distance, like 3–4 hours.

(—) em dash: a girl's best friend. slash j. but an em dash is used to indicate a few different things: an abrupt end to a thought or sentence, a "cut-in" where you interject something tangentially or unrelated before returning to the original thought, or a diversion in the sentence/thought. examples:

"no, listen, you don't understand—"

he scowled—an ugly look on his usually handsome features—and told her to be quiet.

it's not like she had wanted it to go that way—but when had it ever mattered what she wanted?

(()) parentheses: used to add additional context, information, or a semi-unrelated thought that would break the flow of an ongoing sentence without completely taking the reader out. example:

"no, i'm sorry. i just forgot to call you this morning," he said, looking away. (in truth, he'd sat by the phone for fifteen minutes trying to psyche himself into it, but hadn't been able to muster the courage.)

✬ show don't tell, and tell don't show

show don't tell is one of the classic pieces of writing advice that i do, often, think is correct -- but it's a little more nuanced than just never telling your readers what a character is thinking. you want the work to speak for itself without you implanting messages or themes into the reader's brain. at the same time though you don't want them to be doing too much work because it breaks immersion.

this ties into what i was saying above about simpler being better sometimes. you want to be concise especially in scenes that might call for it. a fight scene should be quick and snappy. no need to dig into the physical sensation of being enraged -- just say the character is pissed! but if a character is having a meltdown or panicking, you can get SO much more out of describing how that feels than just outright saying it.

✬ remember your perspective

another huge thing with show don't tell is that you don't want your character to be able to objectively say what everyone else is thinking and feeling -- unless that makes sense for them within the context of the story. really dig into it. DOES the character have a reason to know what their opponents, friends, etc are thinking? how well do they know the other characters? how attentive are they to the emotions of those around them?

it's better to focus on descriptions than labels in that case. say what face a character is making, describe their body language or tone. your character can have impressions, just make it clear that those ARE their impressions. and let your character be wrong! they do not have to be a completely objective source of information.

✬ when it comes to representation, if you aren't confident you can do it well, don't do it at all

i'm one of those people who's kind of of the opinion that white or cishet or otherwise systemically advantaged people have no place being the loudest voices in conversations about representation, least of all AS the representatives. if you are someone with systemic privilege and you choose to portray someone who is oppressed -- that's not necessarily a bad thing. but you need to be willing to do your research and have a sensitivity reader, and you have to be ready for people to say you did it wrong.

not much else to be said about that. your voice on the matter isn't actually all that important. there are people from the demographics involved who DO have stories to tell about themselves that will be MUCH more valuable than your perception of them, so it's honestly better to just let them tell it. that's how i feel.

✬ don't break the rules unless you know how to follow them. in other words, your rebellion should be obvious

a lot of times i see people breaking grammar or other rules and citing "stylistic" choices as their reasons why. which is all good and well, to an extent -- but you want it to be very clear that you ARE breaking the rules on purpose in a way that adds to the artistic merit of your piece.

if you don't know the rules, then it really just comes across like messy work. you both have to know how to apply the rules, and also how to break them in a stylistically significant way. if it doesn't make sense for the rules to be broken, if it says nothing... it's honestly better to just follow them. that's my take.

✬ don't be scared of names and pronouns

i said before that you want variety in your work, and that is very very true -- but it's also true that certain words like names, pronouns, etc will sort of blend into the background in writing. people don't notice them. that means if you're using a name or pronoun a lot in a scene to make it clear who exactly is being referred to...

hey. look into my eyes. breathe. it's okay. you do not have to resort to highlighting arbitrary characteristics of the characters. i know. just breathe. it's okay. use their names. they have them for a reason. it's all good.

this isn't to say that you SHOULDN'T do that, just do it when it makes sense to. if height is something the characters are noticing then use "the shorter boy". if age is relevant, eye colour, hair colour, whatever -- go ahead and use them. but don't be excessive with it. i should not be having to read the bluenette more than i'm reading shuichi's actual goddamn name.

✬ read

this is the huge one. reading other works informs your writing. it teaches you skills and tricks you can use. it helps expand your dialogue and your world view. it might even highlight to you things you do too much of in your own writing. read, all the time, whenever you can. it doesn't have to be books. it can be fanfic, articles, whatever -- just keep reading, because you will be passively absorbing knowledge during that time and it'll help you grow as a writer.

✬ practice

BOOOOOO TOMATO TOMATO TOMATO! SHE SAID THE THING SHE SAID IT!

but listen, it's literally just true. i write almost every day for at least a couple of hours and i have been on a trend of consistent growth for the past five years. go read my fics from 2019 if you don't believe me. i've grown fast and i've grown constantly. you just DO grow through constant practice, even if it doesn't always seem that way.

not only that, but you start to build confidence too. writing a lot helps develop those muscles to a point where you start to realise that you ARE that good and you DO have that dawg in you. or whatever. you just have to keep at it. you're not going to magically improve thinking for six months about how you want to be a better writer without practicing anything about it.

✬ yeah, betas are good

you want to have a good editor. i know that that can feel like having someone ELSE be the reason your piece is good, but that's genuinely not it. a beta reader is a second pair of eyes on your work, someone who can tell you about the issues and mistakes you're missing. they'll tell you when something doesn't make sense. they'll point out your punctuation errors. you don't NEED to have a good editor for every crummy little oneshot... but it's good to have one.

✬ numbers are fine and all but don't compare yourself to other people

i think almost everyone in some kind of creative pursuit wants to get some kind of acknowledgement for it. we want to be the best we can be, and it can be discouraging to receive utterly no validation along the way! i get it!!

just don't get caught up in crunching the numbers. you are not as good as your fanbase is. you alone know your skillset and you absolutely should not say "well this other writer got THIS much attention" because that'll just wear you down. it really will. external validation will only keep you going for so long, and you'll always end up needing more. you HAVE to build your own personal confidence first or you'll crash and burn.

✬ read your writing out loud

there is no quicker way to see if something is wonky in your prose than reading it out loud and seeing if it makes sense verbally. i highly recommend this to anybody who struggles with sentence flow. it's a good one.

✬ yippee hooray!

🥰 and that's what i've got for now. thank you if you made it this far, please take all these tips as you will, it is all subjective of course, these are just the tips that help Me the most when i sit down to write something.

please feel free to ask me for additional advice (on specific topics if you could!) at any time, i love encouraging new writers and i am passionate about writing so i will gladly offer support in any way i can, including beta reading works for anybody who might need that.

take care now 💖

[nogenderbee]

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ 𝕄𝕖𝕥𝕒𝕝𝕤𝕞𝕚𝕥𝕙 ₊˚ˑ༄

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ anon request: Could I request Simeon, Barbatos, and Solomon with a metalsmith s/o?

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ Yeah! Definitely! Honestly, I'm not fully satisfied with it but... I hope you're still gonna somehow like it?

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ fluff

✧ Barbatos is honestly surprised someone his young is still doing it, it's now rare to find a metalsmith so you must be really dedicated...

✧ back then, when metalsmiths were still common, he remembers helping and observing, learning how humans do it

✧ so now when he sees you, he'd love to see if the methods changed and maybe even push you towards right direction

✧ if you're simply using new methods, he'd be more than happy to learn or understand them better

✧ but if you're new to this, he won't interrupt your learning process but he might point out few basic mistakes so you won't adapt them later on

✧ if you're a woman, he'll be even more impressed, it's not often you meet female metalsmith so his theory that you're passionate about this, only confirms more

✧ even if you're not working as metalsmith and do it just as a hobby, he'll still support you

"Few years ago your earn thousands by doing this everyday... well yes, it is couple hundreds but for me there's little difference."

✧ and if you have your shop of any kind, he'll be happy to assist you and help you out, mostly in the cleaning process since he doesn't want to accidentally mess up your vision but still wants to somehow help

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

✧ Simeon has big respect towards what you're doing, he know it's not easy nor is it profitable nowadays

✧ if you'll want to, he'll be happy to tell you how this profession was doing in the past but he doesn't want to demotivate you either so he might keep it brief

✧ if it's your job, he'll often remind you how rare it is and try to motivate you so you won't burn out

✧ but if you're doing this because it's your hobby , he'll of course still do his best to motivate you but also takes it a bit easier as he realizes you must have some passion for it if you call it your hohby

✧ he definitely knows more about this than technology so you can actually count on his help here!

✧ if you want him to help with metal, he gladly will do his best to take some weight off your shoulders

✧ but if you just need someone to clean, he'll be happy to do that too and knows he won't mess up here so he's much more confident!

"Don't worry. You can finish your swords, I'll take care of cleaning. Oh and also, would you like to eat something? It was about 6 hours since you had something... I'd be happy to cook something for you."

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

@vodka-glrl - come get your soft angel~

✧ Solomon somehow have that feeling you'll be into stuff like that, it was like his intuition just told him the right thing

✧ he's happy to see you're doing something so important and so rare

✧ he can't keep his hands to himself, he'll touch every sword or anything you make and inspect it. But he at least gives compliments while doing so!

"Wow... this sword is great! You really did it by hand? I'm surprised it hasn't been sold yet... if someone won't take it, I might as well do so!"

✧ if you're doing this just for works sake, he'll try to show you all the positives of what you're doing and hopefully you can start enjoying your job as well

✧ but if you're doing this we hobby, prepare he'll often drop his ideas to you and watch what you'll do with them

✧ he's really just hanging out around you and being your mental support as he peeks into every corner

✧ and he probably knows a lot about metalsmith work too but he decides to keep it a secret and pretend to learn from you, because he just loves seeing how much you know about it and your passion for it

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

[hunterevie]

Something non-Destiel related for a bit. But it is related to Supernatural.

I’ve mentioned a couple of times my dad died. It's only been 6 weeks and it doesn't feel any easier. I'm thinking about him a lot at the moment, and how engaged he was when I spoke of the show and my convention experiences.

I started watching Supernatural as soon as it aired in the UK. I’m a horror fan so it was right up my street. I normally watched it on my own late in the evening.

There was a day when my dad watched it with me. His first words were ‘oh that’s why you watch it.’ Literally as Jensen and Jared popped on the screen. Obviously, teenage me denied it profusely. I did genuinely watch for the story, but two cute leads also helped.

It was the only time we watched it together before I fell out of love with it in my 20s around S5.

I started watching again when I was in my 30s after Jensen was announced as being on The Boys (I love The Boys!). During the rewatch, I fell in love with Cas and started to understand Destiel.

I attended my first convention in 2023. I had missed out on Jensen being in my home town, so thought I'd take a holiday to Dusseldorf to attend Purcon 7.

I told my dad I was planning on attending this convention, and he remembered it was a show I enjoyed as a teenager. He seemed shocked it lasted so long, and that I was watching again. But happy that I was doing something I would enjoy.

I attended 4 conventions over the last year, and he’d always be the first to ask how they were. Wanting to know if I had a good time, what it was like. Whether the actors were nice. If they said anything about the pieces I got signed. Stuff like that.

The weekend before Purcon 8, I was with my parents. My dad was still in the recovery stage of his radiotherapy and was ill, but pretty bright otherwise. I remember telling him I'd visit again in a couple of weeks and tell him all about the holiday and convention. Hopefully give him something a bit more positive to think about for a little while.

I didn't know that it would be my last conversation with my dad.

He was put into an induced coma 12 hours before I was due to fly to Germany. That morning I had conversations with my mum, who told me to go. That we didn't know at the time what would happen and I would just be at home worrying about him. So I did.

It was on the morning of Purcon 8 that I found out he had brain damage caused by a mistake in A&E. That he wouldn't come back to us and it wasn't even because of the cancer. I was in pieces. I found a corner of the hotel and just sat there crying because I couldn't get the strength to do anything else. I somehow found it when I needed to get my auto with Misha and photos with Misha and Jensen though.

I managed to ask Jensen for a hug, because I needed one after that news. Not Misha though. I love the guy but he still intimidates the living shit out of me sometimes, and I'm convinced he may not like me.

When I did get home my dad was still in a coma and I did as promised. I told him all about my holiday. About the convention. How I summoned the courage to ask Jensen for a hug, and tell Misha about the promotion I got working on something really important politically.

Afterwards, I cried because I knew it would be the last time I would get to talk to him about one of my favourite shows, and my convention experiences. It broke my heart.

Anyway, I don't really know where my point was with all this. I just was reminiscing. If you have read, thank you for letting me get it all out, and here are some photos of my holiday I could never show my dad. (Which is even more gut wrenching, as we did share a love of photography).

If you've never visited Dusseldorf and the surrounding cities, I recommend it. It's so beautiful around there.

[goggles-mcgee]

Baker Steve and Rockstar Eddie AU is now going to be called What Baking Can Do (will i write it out? Someday. Hopefully soon)

Anyways I have more headcanons for the au

•Steve doesn't wear polos anymore because of the scar around his neck. His closet is literally filled with the softest sweaters and t-shirts he could get his hands on. The softness brings him comfort and feels nice on the scars.

•He always smells like baked goods and the kids love it. It's why they always give him hugs right when they see him, they love the smell and his hugs are so warm and just the best.

•All the kids help out at the bakery when they can, they think it's fun and plus! Job experience! El, Will and surprisingly Lucas all like to help out in the back, Steve teaches them his recipes and how to bake because these are his kids and they will be his legacy so he will teach them everything he can. Max, while not the best with customer service as well as Mike, are both really good at remembering peoples orders if they are sitting at the tables. Dustin is great as a greeter and handing people their to-go orders. Erica is the best taste-tester.

•Look, Steve is still hella popular with the ladies but now he's just so oblivious to their advances, like girls he went on dates with in high-school are trying to BAG this boy but he's always like, "Hang out? Sorry I can't Lucas has a game that day and I promised I'd make him basketball cupcakes."

"Lunch to catch up? I'd love to Brenda but the kids have their little Hotfire club thingy and I promised I would sit in for the session. Raincheck?"

"Dinner? Oh my god thank you for reminding me! We have a family dinner this weekend and I said I'd bring cornbread and a cake."

The kids think it's absolutely hilarious, like how dare you try to date our mom???? And yes they have purposefully "reminded" Steve of something he "promised."

•Eddie has witnessed this on one of his visits and he too finds it hilarious yet endearing. Like Steve may be a little dumb when it comes to people flirting with him but Eddie likes that in a man.

•Eddie is a romantic and absolutely brings Steve a bouquet every time he visits. He finds out quickly that sunflowers and roses are Steve's favorites.

•Eddie always enters the cafe loudly announcing, "HONEY I'M HOME!" Steve grumbles that he's disturbing the customers but he loves it. He always gets the biggest smile when Eddie comes in.

He especially loves hearing that phrase when Eddie's been gone for awhile due to a tour or something of the like.

•Once Steve finds out who Eddie is he tracks down some of his records to listen to and finds he actually likes some of the songs so when Eddie came in next time Steve absolutely just rambled on and on about how much he loved the songs and told Eddie what he liked about them and Eddie is just slowly melting into a puddle hiding behind his hair.

•Steve let's the kids and Robin play whatever music they want when they are working but when he's by himself he absolutely plays ABBA, The Cure, Wham, David Bowie or Prince.

Eddie loves this ridiculous man despite the Wham

•Steve will absolutely close the cafe if one of the kids call him and they're sad, just plain having a bad day or if they are having an emergency. He doesn't care if it's a rush, or if you need your banana bread right now Bethany, his kids need him.

•When Eddie first started visiting and the kids didn't run into him due to conflicting schedules and what not, he finds out quickly that Steve doesn't know who he is so he has no problem giving Steve his name. (He holds himself back from asking if Steve likes his last name enough to take it)

They slowly start to get to know each other and Eddie tells Steve he writes songs and Steve just declares that he's sure Eddie is great at it despite not reading any of Eddie's songs or listening to the man sing and when Eddie point that out Steve just huffy.

"You're an amazing guy Eddie who has seen and done so much. It's not hard to believe that you are talented at writing songs. You really have a way with words!"

And Eddie just wants to lay on the floor, this boy is too precious. He can't.

•When Robin is down on her days off from school and working at the cafe, her and Steve wear matching "uniforms" which is really her just snatching one of his sweaters (of course matching colors), putting on her apron and she always insists they switch name tags.

Steve always rolls his eyes but he also always does it. That's how regulars know Robin is back because Steve will be wearing the nametag 'Robin'

•They absolutely decorate the cage for every holiday. They go all out and it's always the most fun Steve has had on holidays.

Christmas: Him, Robin and the kids get ugly sweaters to wear for the cafe

Halloween: costumes but Robin and Steve are always Batman and Robin because they think it's funny.

Valentine's Day: Argyle made them shirts with neon colored Sweethearts Candies on them and they wear them every time.

Thanksgiving: Robin thinks it's hilarious for her and Steve to dress like vegetables. Dustin likes to be the Turkey. (Steve is almost always the corn)

•They do decorate the cafe for any member in the family's birthday for the day even if they're not having the party there.

•Eddie absolutely starts writing songs about Steve and that's how his band mates find out about him because they catch him singing the songs and other love songs.

•Eddie loves his band but he doesn't tell them where he goes when he goes to visit Steve, they share a lot, practically everything and he will introduce Steve to them and them to Steve but he doesn't do it right away because 1. He's wooing the man of his dreams 2. He just wants it to be for himself for a while

He does offer them treats though as an apology/bribe

•Eddie loves the kids but he is also terrified of them. Yes they are fans of his, but they clock in on the fact he wants to date Steve so fast and they each give him separate shovel talks. They make sure Steve doesn't see them do it though.

•Eddie fully thinks Steve is this super tender, sweet, sarcastic guy who wouldn't hurt a fly until he witnesses Steve defend him from an overzealous fan (which felt more like a stalker) that had followed them after they had had lunch at this local diner.

The fan had tried to get grabby. Had tried to take a "souvenir."

Steve has a mean right hook.

Steve so looked so proud of himself that he knocked the fucker out. He even put his hands on his hips and smiled all cutesy, "I won a fight!"

Which that sentence isn't terrifying right?

That was their first kiss. Also might have been the night Eddie confessed.

[rederiswrites]

Well, today I had the entertainment of having a dental hygienist schedule me for my next cleaning to make sure that she was the one doing the cleaning, so that she could hear "the end of the story". It was definitely a uniquely entertaining tooth cleaning.

You see, I got a message from Jacob while I was in the waiting room, telling me that... Well, the situation with my mom, who lives in our basement and is causing us problems I don't really need to get into, had deteriorated even further. So when the hygienist went to take my blood pressure, I was like, "oh actually, it might be really bad right now, cuz I just got upsetting news, don't worry about it." And then it was, in fact, fairly terrible. It's always been great before, and was great in their records, so we called that one a scratch.

But naturally she was curious to know what had my blood pressure through the roof. Presumably if I'd brushed it off she'd have respected that, but I was like, hell, why not, it's some pretty wild gossip. So I told her the basic outlines, and actually it was good for me, because at some point I'd really started to give my mom a little too much credit, trying to keep the situation peaceful. The hygienist gave me a fresh perspective of like, "wait so why is that even a problem for her?" And at a couple points there seemed to be surprising parallels with her life. So when I was done, and hopefully less likely to pop a blood vessel, I said, "Well I gave you the goods, I think you'll agree, so fill me in on your story!"

Because after all I was about to have her hands in my mouth for fifteen minutes, so my turn with the talking ball was definitely over.

She's like, "Alright, but fair warning, this might be more uncomfortable for you than me." And naturally I say something to the effect of, "Oh nah I'm cool with most things", and she gets to work.

"So ten years ago," she begins, "my husband died."

Me: *indistinct noises of shock and dismay* What's that one Twitter thread--"I know, classic start to a funny story."

Anyhow, short version, her husband died, she had a two year old to take care of, and she was working as a social worker and feeling like she couldn't take another day of it. So she quit her job, sold her house, moved back in with her parents (she got space in the unfinished basement, the baby got her old bedroom) and trained to become a hygienist. It certainly hadn't been her plan to still be there ten years later, but hey, she had help with the kid, he comes home to his grandparents every day instead of her scrambling to find a situation for him until she gets off work, and she feels spoiled to have her mom cooking for her. It's not perfect, but the way she sees it, it's been much better this way for her son.

So now she's gotta wait six months to find out if we get a mediator and how we settle the situation. Which I guess means I gotta actually settle it. God I hope.

As we were saying goodbye, I said, "Wait, I didn't get the punchline. Are you happier as a hygienist?"

"Oh. Oh yeah. Absolutely."

[seb-reads31]

As wholesome as your previous requests seem from reading, I'd love to request an angst fic for Camilla x g/n reader.

Reader feeling ignored by her due to work commitments and not much effort on her part to make up for it. The moment they mention it, it leads to a big argument with the reader leaving despite being late evening. She thinks it's just a bluff until she wakes up the following morning and they're still not back (clothes gone and phone turned off). Hopefully a slightly better/comfort ending where she can start to win back their love.

Cautions - Carmilla being a workaholic, her snapping at you, Clara, and Odette, reader and Carmilla argue, me suffering at the hands of dialog, mean Carmilla ☹️, bad Spanish (please don't cancel me 😭 I'm learning I swear)

Type - angst, eventual fluff

Genre - head canons (I'm gonna try bullet points on this cause the hyphens are starting to tick me off)

Comments - FINALLY ANGST- Like, I thoroughly love me some fluff, don't get me wrong, but I wanna know what it's like crying while writing something. So thank you 🙏🙏 (I decided to make reader and Carmilla married, I hope that's okay!) AND THANK YOU TO THAT PERSON WHO COMMENTED CARMILLA PET NAMES (let me know if I'm using them right I beg of you 😭)

You were serious..?

We all know Carmilla is a work oriented woman, and sometimes around the beginning of the month before the extermination, she gets some VERY large orders, causing her to neglect her own health sometimes to make sure everything is done precisely and without any issues

And you loved her for that, really. It inspired you to be more helpful, doing some shipments here and there, help with some paperwork, the usual

But recently, there's been a random spike of orders right after the extermination, not giving anyone a break.

And it's drowning the entire company into a work frenzy, and it feels like it's never going to end

After a couple weeks of this, it slowed down a little, not by much, but enough to have a little time to yourselves, including some time with your beautiful wife, Carmilla..

..who didn't even respond when you knocked on her office door. It's been like this for the past 2, nearly three weeks, what is going on??

The only times you two talk is when you're going to bed (if you're even awake when she does decide to get in your shared bed, or if she falls asleep at her desk for the hundredth time) or whenever you need her to sign off on certain orders here and there throughout the day

But after that.. nothing. She doesn't even message you throughout the day with random 'I love you's, 'I miss you', nothing. Just radio silence cough like Alastor cough

You messaged Odette and Clara, asking if they had spoken to her aside from work talks, and they said the exact same thing, nothing

However, they had actually tried talking to their mother, but she brushed them off, saying "I'm busy, go find something to do that isn't bothering me."

Now that really pissed you off. So, you did the sensible thing and marched over to her office, giving it a harsh knock.

"Carmilla, love? We need to talk. Now. I'm not taking no for an answer." It was short, but straight to the point. As much as you wanted to be gentle about this, you couldn't when she snapped at your sweet girls for just checking in on her

Nothing came from the other side of the door, which ticked you off more.

"Carmilla, this is serious. Open the door, we have to have a discussion about your working as of late."

Now that, got you a reaction. You heard a small thud, possibly slamming her pen down on her desk, then a rough "Come in" came from the other side

You immediately swung the door open, and slammed it behind you.

"What is up with you lately?? You haven't been talking to anyone, you refuse to take breaks, you snapped at our children for checking on you, and you don't want to talk about anything that isn't work related!"

"I don't even see you come to bed anymore BECAUSE you're so engrossed in your work. I get that it's been super busy lately, but that's no reason to-" Before you could finish your sentence Carmilla stood up and slammed her large hands against her desk

"I work this hard because I need to! I didn't ask for you to care about me, I thought I made it VERY clear that I didn't want to be bothered, but apparently you're too stubborn to see that." Her voice was cold, and her eyes were a sharp glare, much like the weapons she sold

"If you wish to continue and whine like a child then do it somewhere else, I don't need anymore distractions." Her words sunk into your heart like a blade, tears starting to prick your eyes

"C-Carmilla.. take it back." There was a waver in your voice, your eyebrows still angry, but pain and sorrow were evident in your eyes and words.

"Why should I? You've done nothing but bother me and keep me from my work."

"If you don't, then I'm going to leave. If you don't apologize by tonight then you won't see me tomorrow morning." A tear ran down your cheek, but you didn't look away from Carmilla, keeping a challenging glare in your eyes

"Go ahead, see if I care." She scoffed, then sat back down and continued with her paper work.

"Fine then." You stomped out of the room, slamming the office door as you went. The slam throbbed in Carmilla's head, but she took a small breath, then continued her work

Carmilla awoke with a yawn, her back hating her for her slumped position on her desk.

She noticed a blanket on her back, courtesy of her daughters. She felt.. guilty. After thinking about exactly why, she remembered how she snapped at her daughters then.. you. Calling you a distraction, a bother, whiney, all for asking what was wrong.

She was stressed, but that was no reason to treat you that way, you and your daughters.

She stood up, cleaning herself up before leaving her office, looking for Clara and Odette so she could apologize and ask where you were.

When she did, her eyes became misty, pulling in her sweet and kind girls into a heartwarming hug and whispering how sorry she was into their ears

They, of course, accepted the apology, also feeling misty eyed at how sentimental their mother was as of now

"Clara, Odette, where's mi vida? I need to apologize to them too. I said some things that need to be addressed."

The two girls both looked at each other, then Carmilla again, with a concerned look etched on their faces

"They.. uh, weren't here for breakfast, so maybe your bedroom?"

Carmilla nodded, then kissed them both on the forehead. "I'll go apologize and bring them down, then we can all have brunch together." The two girls nodded, and Carmilla made her way upstairs to find you

The only problem is.. is that you're not there. Some of your clothes, bathroom necessities, shoes, and even a couple of picture frames are gone

Carmilla was startled, then began searching for you, calling your name around your shared grand bedroom

It was when she walked close to her side of the bed when she saw a note (WE JUST GOT A LETTER) on her side of the bed

(I'm not in the mood to right a note, so sorry, but basically you need a break and you're staying with Rosie until you forgave Carmilla for being mean :(( )

Carmilla didn't even think before she was running out of her building, through her territory, and could see the beginnings of Cannibal town

Her lungs were screaming, but her heart was aching at the pain she caused you, making her continue to run until she saw Rosie's parlor

She bursted inside, panting as she stood in the doorway with many black and damn near soulless eyes with sharp teeth to match stared at her disheveled form

She didn't even get a word in before the crowd parted and revealed a tall, slender, and pale yet sophisticated woman, our darling Rosie has appeared!

And she was... not smiling.. oh boy

"Now you listen here young lady!" Rosie had started to sassily walk over to Carmilla, grabbing her ear (does she even have ears omfg, if she doesn't then pretend she grabs her cheek) and begins pulling her towards the back rooms of her parlor, scolding all along the way

"Don't you have some nerve showing up here after your spouse came here bawling their eyes out!" Carmilla felt like she should feel offended that Rosie was embarrassing her like this, but she couldn't after how she treated you.

Rosie finally let go of her, rubbing the pinched bit to relieve the stinging, then, she laid eyes on you

"Oh, mi corazón, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to treat you like that! You didn't deserve me snapping at you, I was stressed and took it out on you and our sweet girls. None of you deserved it, and I deeply apologize." She hung her head in shame, hoping you would accept her apology, so she could do more to show you how much she appreciated you.

She was already planning a nice dinner, several at home dates, and some family activities for you all to do together and bond again, as well as take a well deserved break from working.

She didn't look up until you hugged her, her arms quickly wrapping around you too

"You really need to work on this. What you said was hurtful, and I won't forget it. But I will forgive you, because I still love and care about you."

And that's all she needed to squeeze you tighter and murmur more apologies and thank you's, and even promises of taking breaks and not lashing out on others from stress. <3

[frostehburr]

Damsel Does What Disney Couldn't

I don't want to write about films or shows often because I'm not big on them. I also worried I might spill too much info while talking about it. However, I felt this one was too good to be silent about.

The premise is a princess fights a dragon.

Something.... I don't think has been done before. Maybe. Not sure if it's the first but it certainly feels like the first.

I'm going off everything that was from the trailer to avoid spoiling the movie since it just recently came out. Unsurprisingly, they put quite a bit in the trailer. That's the thing to do these days. Jam all the action bits in the trailer and hope the audience stays awake for the slow bits.

However, there's quite a bit of action left over after the trailer. Such as the princess exploring the caves and running from the dragon.

That's right, THE PRINCESS RUNS AWAY FROM THE DRAGON BECAUSE THAT IS THE OBVIOUS AND LOGICAL THING TO DO. Had she just picked up a sword and go head in for a fight, this would have been another Disney "empowered" strong woman sludge.

Thankfully, it's not and the princess uses her intelligence rather than magic deus ex machina and actually struggles while planning her escape from the dragon. Yes, ESCAPE, because that is what any normal person would do. Let's not forget this is a girl who expected to be married to a prince (for political reasons) and was tricked into being a dragon's dinner.

So yeah, Elodie (the princess, I'm done writing 'the princess' so often) manages to get her wedding dress torn up and hides in a cave with a map made by the previous princesses the dragon roasted over the century. Which help Elodie find a path to her escape.

A good chunk of this film is Elodie fumbling around the caves up and down, climbing chasms and running from dragon fire. It sounds like it would be boring but the film does it in a way that makes it all intense and fun to watch.

But after she escapes, OH NO, her sister gets set up to be sacrificed! So Elodie jumps back in the dragon's lair to get her sister out. This is where she does fight the dragon but she works with her strengths, which is her intelligence and strategizing skills. Never thought I'd see a modern movie give a girl a brain instead of a mcguffic to solve her problems.

Elodie is hands down the best female character we've been given in a long time and it's high time we got her. She's not physically strong like a man. She's emotionally and mentally strong, being able to confront terrible monsters, forgive bad decisions or mistakes, and having the courage to save her sister. THIS is what people have been begging for in female characters for years!

Hopefully, this is the start of better female character and not a jump into more stories of women fighting giant monsters ignoring the entire moral behind the story.

There's a megaton of stuff I left out for the sake of spoilers not being spilled.

The point I wanted to get across was that Damsel is a really good film that I highly recommend ... if you have Netflix already. Never going to condone purchasing streaming "service" just for a single show or film. I demand variety with that kind of thing!

[roseredsnow]

Been meaning to make this for a while and finally found round to doing examples when the the power was out last week so here we go.

(Currently all text and a couple photos at the end but if someone wants a video just let me know)

Basics of hand sewing!

First things first: what to use when learning.

When starting out you're gonna want things easy to use so no fabrics that are too tough, stretchy or liable to fraying, basically cotton or denim from old clothes or sheets should be great.

Thread wise will depend a little on your dexterity, if you're going to struggle with smaller thread try something thicker possibly embriodery thread, there are also things that will help you to thread your needle but I haven't used them so I don't have much advice there.

Otherwise just give your thread a little tug to make sure it won't snap under the slightest pressure and you should be good.

Unless you're going straight onto you're project and want to hide the stitching I'd recommend using a different colour to the fabric so that it's easier to see where you've sewn.

Needle wise again if you don't have the dexterity and don't mind bigger holes embroidery needles are slightly bigger and have bigger holes so they may be a little easier.

For non embriodery needles there's some that are a little thinner than others I don't like them much but if they're all you can find they work (I've got poundland ones before and they tend to be the thickness I like.

Threading the needle and securing the thread:

Again there are devices to help you thread needles but can't provide much more on that.

The other two ways I tend to thread needles is by

1) Bend the thread in and the point made tends to go through the hole a bit easier.

2) Dampen your thumb and next finger and twist the end so that the fibers stick tother instead of fraying as it goes through the hole.

Now when securing the thread there's three options I know of.

1) Starting with the easiest: once your needle is threaded double over the thread (make sure you've got double the length you need) and tie the ends together, this method means your needle won't become unthreaded and may be a little more secure however does require more thread.

2) This is what I tend to use, have a bit of thread one side of the hole so it hopefully doesn't come undone and knot one end. This means you're using less thread than method 1 but the needle may unthread.

3) Make sure you keep the end of your thread from going through the hole while you do a couple stitches and it should secure itself.

Pictures below show method 1 on the top left, 2 bottom left and 3 on the right.

I dont want this to get too long so I'll make another post soon with different stitches, feel free to ask any questions.

[4dkellysworld]

Self-realization vs derealization

I saw an ask @adadisciple about derealization and thought I'd add my 2 cents here as I have experienced derealization in the past and might be able to offer a bit more insight. I didn't want to reblog that ask for personal reasons and also the response is really long. Disclaimer: I am not a therapist either, my thoughts are based on personal experience alone so take whatever feels right and leave the rest. Also I can't speak from the perspective of full realization as I am not there yet but hopefully this helps in some way.

When I first found non-dualism, I also had similar concerns as someone who had experienced derealization, I thought: was this another thing that was going to induce it?

Let's start with the definition (thank you Google) for those reading who may be unclear:

Depersonalization/derealization disorder involves a persistent or recurring feeling of being detached from one's body or mental processes, like an outside observer of one's life (depersonalization), and/or a feeling of being detached from one's surroundings (derealization).

From personal (human/ego) experience, this condition is purely of the mind and body with blocked awareness (? not sure if this is correct terminology, I am not talking about pure awareness in this case but more mindfulness*) and is often just a symptom of another mental or physical condition/illness such as depression/anxiety etc. The mind and/or body are just completely detached however, there is clouded awareness (due to the mind/body) and you just feel like you are existing and floating around. You very much still feel a part of the world and identify as such (although feeling detached & disengaged) even if you have lost faith in everything you feel as real. It's sort of hard to put into words but if you have experienced derealization too, then hopefully you can relate and understand what I am getting at. When I experienced it, I didn't know of any truth. I just lost faith in the world and didn't know what was real anymore. So, I was completely checked out.

*Mindfulness is paying full attention to what is going on in you and outside you, moment by moment, without judgment. (thanks Google)

Ada made a really good distinction here (I suggest reading the full ask)**:

The point of this all was to let go of concepts, let go of believing in things, investigating their validity, experimenting. Disbelieving you are Vanessa and denial are not the same thing. Denial is when you deny reality to something you're already giving reality to. Disbelieving was meant as an experiment, you never thought yourselves to be anything but this body, what will happen if you did?

**Actually, re-reading that ask made me realize maybe a reblog of an exercise I recommended is not the best since it instructs denial of what ego believes to be real instead of disbelief and experimentation (eep, Vanessa is still learning and evolving!). See my edit on this post :)

Here is another relevant and helpful ask by 4dbarbie:

I don't teach to do anything to the 3D, not even deny it. Not seeing the world as it is, is an aversion to it. - Lester Levenson Your 3D is right and perfect, what you see is what you are so even if you're seeing what 'you' don't want, the 3D is not wrong in being what it is. Fearing it, trying to manipulate it, lying to yourself about it being something different - all useless and vain attempts. See it as it is and it will fix itself. And no, being delusional is not good, it leads you not to trust your own judgment OR senses. Which is not right, why shouldn't you? What is wrong with your vision? Being delusional from your ego self is really harmful, someone could be abusing you and you would go "i'm sure that's not right he loves me so much in my 4D!!!"

So lets clarify the distinction:

Derealization = denial of everything while still identifying as the ego (and the world as reality) although not wanting to => ego experiences confusion/chaos/mental condition/disorders

Self-realization = disbelief of current reality concepts => letting go of such concepts and quieting the mind => experiencing the true Self (the creator of the mind) => permanent identification with Self, not imaginary concepts (including the ego) => Knowing Reality, and therefore realizing full peace and freedom

Now let's move onto practicing non-dualism. The basis of the practice is let go of thoughts, quiet the mind and focus on being awareness/I AM. It is all about letting go, not denial.

From a non-dualist perspective, derealization is just another mental concept/creation. When the mind is completely silent (and sustained) and pure awareness is realized and embodied, when Self is your permanent identification, when you (Self) know you are not your body not Vanessa feeling dissassociated from mind & body or just intellectually knowing it from learning concepts (important distinction!), it is not derealization, in fact it is the only reality, the only truth.

I have experienced short moments of experiencing myself as the pure witness where the mind was completely quiet and those short moments felt so peaceful, whole and true. There were no feelings of derealization in that moment because there was no active mind then. Right now, I do think my ego feels a bit derealized at times but this is because I have not fully identified with Self yet and it is also because my sense and understanding of reality is in the process of being recalibrated on this journey. When this happens, I sit in silence and go back to the one truth 'I Am' and feel myself into it and everything else melts away. The more you do this, the more you will feel the truth and peace until it becomes permanent (when you realize Self).

But no one can give you the whole truth but yourself.

Lester: Yes. However, knowing what you're telling me helps one let go of that obstacle of intellectual knowledge. I prod you in this direction, don't I? I say: “Don't believe anything. Start from scratch. Build up your knowledge on the solid foundation of proof, step by step.” Everyone must do this. Q: You can't take someone else's experience? Lester: Right, you would be working on hearsay, on what they have said, and the only useful thing is that which you experience. I relate it to driving a car. If I say I know how to drive a car after reading a book that directs you to turn the key on, start the motor, shift into drive and step on the gas, do I know how to drive a car? No, not until I experience it can I drive a car. It's the same thing on the path; we must experience everything. We must, of course, adopt the attitude that what the Great Ones say is so, that they have experienced it. However, you must check it out and prove it for yourself. And the basic Truth is that there’s only one Reality; there's only one absolute Truth, and that is that this whole world or universe is nothing but God, but better than that, is nothing but my very own Self. God could be far away; He could be miles and miles away in cosmic space, but my very own Self is right here, is something I know about, is something I can perceive, it is my very own Self! So, using Self as God is far more practical than putting Him out there, putting Him apart from us. But each one must start from the bottom and prove this whole thing for himself. As the proofs come, the more they come the more we accept until we experience the whole thing. - Lester Levenson, Session 11: Meditation with Quest - Keys to Ultimate Freedom

"And the basic Truth is that there’s only one Reality; there's only one absolute Truth" I literally didn't even read this excerpt before sharing it (searched the book for the keyword 'proof' because I was looking for another excerpt) but came to the same conclusion after practicing and experiencing it for myself. And that is what you must do if you want the truth too. Experience and then decide for yourself.

This perceived and experienced knowledge is the only knowledge that does us any good. We can read everything on the subject, but it doesn’t help. Our life doesn’t change much, and it doesn’t because we don’t integrate the knowledge into our beingness through realization. Realized knowledge is nonintellectual, although the means we use are intellectual. We use our mind, we direct our mind toward the answer, but you will discover that the answer does not come from the mind. It comes from a place just behind the mind. It comes from the realm of knowingness, the realm of omniscience. By quieting the mind through stilling our thoughts, each and every one of us has access to this realm of knowingness. Then and there you realize, you make real. You know and you know that you know. - Lester Levenson, Session 6: Realization - Keys to Ultimate Freedom

If you want to understand more about the process of realizing Self, I recommend reading my 4dbarbie remix post. If you have already read it, reread it, maybe even read some of the referenced posts/asks and see if you get any new understanding. Or better yet, just sit in silence and stillness, quiet the mind and focus on 'I Am'.

I must emphasise that in non-duality, letting go of the ego is the basic foundation of practice as it is very much a journey of self-transformation (this is just another concept to help the ego understand, but you are always, have always been and always will be Self, you just do not see it as you are currently identified as the ego).

If you (the ego) are not willing to do that, then come back when you are ready. It is not up to anyone to convince you to adopt this practice and way of life.

[sunatsubu]

PSA ABOUT PHONE SCAMS FROM GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL IMPERSONATORS So. I almost fell victim to a really elaborate phone scam. Now that I've had time to process it, it's deeply unsettling how convincing the scammers were, and I don't know how far they might've gotten if it hadn't been for a tumblr post that I'd read recently, warning about these strategies. For the life of me I can't find that post now which is a shame because it explained the strategies very well, but I'll try to reiterate the main points I remember that helped me realize in time that I was being scammed. Hopefully no one else has to go through this but in case they do, may this help you recognize the red flags MUCH earlier than I did. (if anyone knows of the post I'm talking about please let me know! It went into a lot of good detail of what to watch out for)

I'll try to summarize how it went down first. I was called by someone claiming to be from the FTC. They gave me a badge number and a case number. They said a package being shipped to me from Mexico was intercepted, and contained illegal drugs and huge amounts of money, that my name was used to open accounts at multiple banks, and that my name was also used to try and claim some property in some random city/state I'd never been to. Of course this was immediately alarming to me and I start freaking out, but they then reassured me that after a background check they determined this is most likely a case of identity theft.

The convincing part was how much effort they seemed to put into asking if I could remember any instance where my identity might've been compromised; like they were legit trying to investigate the case in order to catch the actual culprit. So of course I'm trying to be as helpful as I can. They haven't asked me anything specific like bank accounts or SSN, so no obvious red flags.

Then they go into the steps I needed to take in order to establish I'm not the actual criminal who tried to ship drugs across the border, that it really is a case of identity theft. They describe to me ADR (alternate dispute resolution), which I quickly looked up and seems like is an actual legal thing. Basically they were saying that if I chose this option I don't have to hire my own lawyer/show up in court/etc, that the US Marshal will on my behalf establish to the court this was a case of identity theft.

They transfer me to someone supposedly at the Department of Justice, who also gives me a badge number. This person goes into more detail about the steps I need to take, that because my identity has been used to open up all these bank accounts and shipping drugs to multiple countries, etc - that I would need to be assigned a new SSN. And to do that, they needed to know which accounts were actually mine; so they asked me to verify exact amounts in my bank accounts, and anything else that was directly tied to my SSN such as credit cards.

They kept reiterating that I needed this new SSN so that they can monitor my old one and be able to catch whoever is using it for all these illegal activities. They emphasized I should stay on the line, and to also not tell anyone about this ongoing investigation because the identity thief could be anyone I know. I'm still not getting suspicious at this point because they keep emphasizing they don't want to know any specific bank account #s or my actual SSN, because that would be illegal to ask for.

I then get transferred to the supposed US Marshal, again gives me a badge number. Again going into more detail on how to secure my actual accounts so they can close out/track the fake accounts. He starts getting more into detail about securing my bank account and how I needed to go to the bank in person. He emphasized that I shouldn't tell the bank teller what was going on because they could be involved in the crime, or something about money laundering, I don't remember exactly what the explanation was.

This is the point I started getting suspicious; I remembered specifically from that tumblr post that the scammers will want to keep you from revealing anything to bank employees because they are trained to recognize scams like this. I continue the conversation though, and the 'US Marshal' goes on to say, in order for me to secure/establish this account as truly mine, that I need to withdraw 50% of my funds from it in cash, and not a cashier's check. THIS is the point I realize what's going on, and I stammer out something about wanting to verify the badge numbers they gave me, and quickly hang up.

Things they did that made it believable: - Giving me badge numbers and a case number - Reassuring me they don't want to know sensitive information like SSN, bank account numbers, etc. - Seeming genuine in investigating how my identity might've been compromised - Citing actual legal pathways like ADR - The way they slowly ramped up the urgency so as not to come off as suspicious too suddenly. They worked up my fear from a more believable scenario (that my identity was stolen and being used for criminal activities including opening a bunch of bank accounts) and used that to justify the steps I needed to take to secure my own actual accounts.

Things that should have been red flags: - I was too panicked in the moment to notice right away but I'm fairly certain all 3 people I talked with had the same accent. What are the chances of that for 3 different employees at supposedly 3 different government organizations? (these were things that thank god I remembered reading from that previous tumblr post) - they kept me isolated by claiming anyone I know could be the actual culprit who stole my identity. - They urged me to stay on the line as they continued to transfer me to the next person, keeping me from calling anyone else. - they said not to let the bank teller find out what was going on

Things I did not know but learned, either from looking up myself or from the FTC when I called to report the incident: - Different departments don't actually communicate very closely. So they'd never transfer me from department to department the way the scammers did. The FTC for example wouldn't be able to ask the Social security department to issue me a new number. - Nobody from the FTC will give you a badge number or ask you how much money you have in your accounts.

Steps I took afterwards, because I'm fairly certain I never gave actual sensitive information, but in my ramblings to try and be helpful with their 'investigation' I might've said something compromising. - Called the US Marshal office just to triple check; they almost immediately said it was a scam as soon as I mentioned 'badge number.' - Called the FTC to file a fraud report - Called one of the credit bureaus (Experian I think) and placed a fraud alert on my credit activity. This automatically applies to all 3 bureaus, and lasts for a year - Changed my bank acct passwords

I feel pretty stupid in retrospect at how panicked I got, but I do feel like they were very good at manipulating my emotions to believe them for as long as I did. So as embarrassed as I am to admit I almost fell for this, again hopefully this might help even 1 other person spot the red flags early enough.