#but this is why i think we need to have a conversation about QPRs and how they are used in aro spaces

[redysetdare]

I think i just need to express that the culture surrounding QPRs right now made me think that i couldn't have strong bonds with my friends. Society told me i cant have strong bonds with friends because that was only for romantic relationships. Then i went into aro spaces and this idea was reinforced using QPRs instead of romantic relationships. it was "You can still have strong bonds with people without romance! It can just be a QPR instead!" "QPRs are MORE than friendship so you can have STRONGER BONDS than you would with friends."

it made me think that the relationships i wanted with my friends HAD to be something other than friendship for it to be as strong as i wanted. If i wanted to be the first person in someones life i had to enter some sort of committed relationship. if I wanted someone to care about me as strongly as i did them then it would have to be a relationship that was "more" than friendship.

I thought I wanted a QPR because i was told the only way to get that care and security that I wanted was to enter into a relationship that was "more" than friendship. because friends didn't care that much. because friends didn't live together their entire lives. because friends were never the priority relationship wise. and it took me years to realize that i didn't want any partnership and i shouldn't have to be in one to want these things from a friend. these things CAN be something friends can do. but i found that out on my own. because the aro community kept saying "you want a QPR" when i just wanted a friend who finally saw me as a priority in their life.

[ratatoast]

Son coeur est le tien

Alastor x Reader qpr (general headcanons)

a/n: halfway through writing this, i realised that maybe my idea of a qpr might be different than someone else's haha,,, also, this is the very first time I've written for hazbin hotel lol (and should i mention that english isn't my first language? haha)

that being said, i hope y'all enjoy this mess :P

also also if y'all would like me to continue writing Alastor qpr (cuz there's def a shortage on that), feel free to send me prompts :)) i obvi wont write nsfw, but other than that, i think anything is fine (?)

Being in a qpr with the radio demon would include…

Long talks over tea/coffee

There’s never any awkward silence between the two of you. You two could be chatting about the most mundane things, and the conversation would still flow perfectly.

He’d definitely learn exactly how you like your hot beverage.

I personally can’t imagine him being an avid coffee drinker tbh, but I don’t think he’d mind if you are one.

Takes your tea parties very seriously, knows all your favourite pastries, puts on some smooth jazz, brings out the fine china, etc

Loves listening to you talking about your day, your current interests, hobbies, etc. Even if the topic itself isn’t all that interesting to him, he’ll still listen to you.

The both of you love gossiping with each other. Neither of you will admit it to others though.

Petnames

You very rarely hear your given name come out of this man’s mouth.

He never calls you anything that he deems too sickly sweet, usually sticks to dear, sweetheart, or darling.

If he’s having a particularly great day, he might call you love, but that doesn’t happen very often.

Constant praises & words of affirmation

I think words of affirmation is one of his main love languages.

He constantly showers you with praises, telling you how gorgeous you look, how witty your jokes are, etc.

We all know that this man is a charmer, however his compliments to you are more than just empty words… most of the time :p

Do keep in mind that this man is a master manipulator tho, so he isn't above using sweet talk to get what he wants.

Playful banter that keeps you on your toes

He loves a good back and forth, especially if his darling is a particularly witty individual.

The two of you can turn any conversation into a battle of words.

However, if you take it too far, he’s not afraid to put you in your place with a couple of sharp words, aimed to hurt.

But most of the time it’s just good fun :)

Never having to so much as lift a finger

He’s very big on acts of service.

Forget about opening doors or pulling out chairs for yourself.

He takes being a gentleman very seriously, especially when it comes to you.

But not only is he a gentleman, he’s also a powerful overlord.

So if you ever need anything, be that a new pair of shoes, or getting rid of a particularly nasty demon, consider it done.

Being his closest confidant

We all know that Alastor has many acquaintances, however he falls short on meaningful connections.

He doesn’t let people get too close to him, and it is sort of understandable why.

You are one of the only exceptions to that.

You know more about this man than all of hell combined.

It took a while for him to open up to you, and even longer until he started telling you about his past.

He’s the kind to drop hints about himself and let you figure out the rest.

Trust goes a long way with him, I think he’d be more open to sharing his plans and such with someone that he knows won’t question his every move.

Even so, there’s still a lot that you don’t know about him, but you’ll just have to take what you can.

You can dress however you want… as long as it fits his taste

He’s not all too picky about what you wear.

Contrary to popular belief, he wouldn’t expect you to be in full glam 24/7.

If you like more revealing clothes, well, he’ll just have to make sure that anyone that dares to as much as look at you the wrong way is taken care of.

That being said, looking well put together is a must.

You represent him in a way, and he expects you to look the part.

He can’t have you wandering the streets of hell in rags that not even the lowest sinners would wear.

Absolutely no modern technology allowed

Do I even need to explain this?

He’d rather be safe than sorry when it comes to the possibility of Vox messing with you.

You are never truly alone

Alastor would make sure to accompany you on your outings as much as his schedule allows it.

But let’s be real, he’s a very busy man.

He makes sure that a few of his shadows keep an eye on you though, even in his absence.

I don’t think your personal strength matters in this case, as I’ve mentioned before, there’s very little that this man wouldn’t do for you, especially when it comes to your personal safety.

Lets you get closer to him than anyone else

This time, I’m talking about physical closeness.

We all know that he isn’t big on physical touch.

However, I feel like you could get away with a lot more than others.

When the two of you are walking somewhere, it’s not unusual for him to offer you his arm.

When you’re standing next to him, he sometimes rests his hand on your back, although that is often a subconscious thing.

If you’re having a particularly rough day, he isn’t too opposed to letting you hug him.

You can also get away with laying on his lap sometimes, and if he’s feeling exceptionally gracious, he might even pet your hair.

PDA is definitely a big no-no, on one hand he has an image to protect, but I also just don’t think he’d be too comfortable with showing his more vulnerable side in public.

As for kisses… if you haven’t seen each other in a while, he might greet you with a kiss on your hand, but that’s as far as it ever goes.

He’s not a very touchy-feely person, so if that bothers you… good luck finding someone better than the radio demon ;)

me af tbh lmao

anway, thanks for reading pookies mwah (slash platonic lol)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for ignoring my partners text messages after they told me they want to go on break over text?

(🦞⏱️ so I can find this later)

About three months ago, at the end of December to be exact, a friend of my asked if I would like to be in a qpr relationship. They’re aromantic and have been wanting to try it out.

I figured fuck it - why not? We’ll just be silly ol’ partners, nothing to it… but then I started really enjoying it. The whole “being loved” thing got to me I guess.

The next couple of months were going great, at least from my point of view - I went over to their house a couple of times, we cuddled, we cooked, I thought everything was alright.

However, on our last qpr date they brought up how they have issues with relationships and commitment, saying how there might come a time they leave me because they have lower energy than me. I felt hurt of course but I played it cool, “no worries bro, thank you for being honest, know that I love you lots no matter what haha”

And I thought things got better again. Until yesterday.

They texted me that they don’t want to be in a qpr anymore. That they want to take a break because, from what they’ve gathered, we’re not compatible (I have more energy than them, talk more, text more) and they’re not used to this…

They promised they wouldn’t do a break up over text. Which is a promise they didn’t technically break since it’s not a breakup. Technically. But the way they phrased the texts and the fact that it happened Quite Literally 30 minutes before midnight… I tried to play it cool, “sure man, you need distance, I get it” but then they asked me if I feel hurt to which I admittedly answered passive aggressively with a “My feelings don’t matter rn” (edgy much? Maybe, but again - 30 minutes before midnight. Not the best time to have a well-rounded conversation on a tough subject in person, let alone over text)

So now it’s the next day. They texted me that they still love me, which I do believe them but at the same time I still feel hurt, betrayed, kinda fucked up. I can’t imagine how they feel and I really want to just sweep all of this under the rug with a “don’t even worry about it man we’re still cool no matter what” but I don’t think ignoring how what they did made me feel is a good idea.

(I guess what makes the situation worse is that we’re both part of a very tightly knit group of friends, 4 of us in total, and I don’t wanna bring all this emotional garbage on any of the other 2 of us)

So, would I be an ass for ignoring my partners texts for the following week? And if so… what do I even do?

What are these acronyms?

[fountainpenguin]

"It was a cup of good intentions... a tablespoon of one big mess! A dash of overreaction, and I assume you know the rest..." (x)

---

New Dog's Life chapter today! ~ 3rd Life series fan-season

Chapter 28 - “Slow Burn (Bdubs, Scar, Charlotte)”

❤️ Read on AO3

💛 Start from Chapter 1

💚 More Pixels Imperfect fics

---

Scott needs medical attention. Scar and SnifferMyFeet do their best to offer it... even if it means putting one of them on the line. Meanwhile, Bdubs and Grian discuss carrots and vacation plans.

(First 1,000 words under the cut)

---

BdoubleO100 - Phantom

Status: Riled up

Captain of New Star Station's phantom hybrid flock

💙  🧡  💚

"Aha!" Bdubs grabs Grian by the wrists, yanking him forward. He pulls him, twisting him through a dopey dance in the kitchen. Grian yelps, socked feet twisting and gripless, and that just makes it better. "You want to be cringe and free!"

"I could do without the cringe," he protests, flapping his wings as Bdubs spins and prances with him, "but I do wish for love."

"Well, being truly known's the same thing, isn't it?" He swings Grian around to the other side. Grian squawks, pixels thickening and flipping over in his face. Purple flecks glitter underneath. He may as well've been run through a storm drain and flushed out the other side. "Tell you what! I'll love Etho if you love Mumbo, deal? Junglemate's honor!"

"Bdubs, that's not a deal."

"'Course it's a deal! It goes both ways; that defines it. Whadaya think? You wanna seal it?"

"… Yes."

"Let's do it, then." And he laughs, 'cuz it feels so good to love. It's what captains do, you know. When all hope is lost, look to the captain. Put all your faith in 'em, even when it looks like they're steering the wrong way. Captains always guide you back towards the light. Didn't you know Minecrafters like to move in circles? It's a way of stalking prey. "Always, and 'til the end!"

Grian catches a grip on the floor. "Bdubs? Bdubs, I hate to ask, but… What was the reason? Why didn't being romantic work with Etho? I mean, what made you feel like being queerplatonic partners made sense? How did you know?"

Bdubs' tail twitches at the end. Mossy shawl is crooked now, plushy bits tucked too tight against his neck. He pulls it around again. "I think being romantic would've worked a while, but this is what felt right. Just better this way long-term. Now, enough about Etho-"

"Do you ever regret it?"

Wow. Parrot stereotypes are true, then. Once they get their talons in something, they latch on tight and don't like letting go. Of course, that's mostly when they're dead. It's not his business, but Grian's watching, and Grian's a less experienced player, and he came from another world. Bringing him into the rest of the flock and teaching him things is what a captain does. "No? I don't regret choosing Etho."

"I meant the QPR," Grian says impatiently, taking his bar stool again. "I mean, that's a big conversation to have, right? And once you say it, it's hard to walk back and change your mind. I mean, what happens if you feel ready to be romantic?"

'Ready,' huh? Geez. Tell me you really don't know what's up with me and Etho without telling me you don't know anything about us.

Mm, scattered possibilities on how to answer that one. It's like a deck of cards strewn across the table- stat poker at its worst. Bdubs gazes back with his tail gently waving.

"Is this about you?" he asks in easy deflection. Grian's wings jump. "Communication's always gonna be your best bet. I think if you wanna change up your lifestyle, you can tell your partner straight, so long as you realize they might end things with you there- You get me?" He gestures to his wrist-comm then. "I mean, Brittney and I swing different ways all the time. We just let each other know when something comes up or we wanna see someone else."

Brittney's good. Doesn't expect him home too much; she knew what she was marrying into. He was already captain of New Star by the time they woke up with shared rings.

… It's nice though, huh? For the first time, he really eases his shoulders back, no longer compensating for heavy wings. Martyn's acting captain tonight. It's not his first time, though it usually doesn't last for long.

He may have burned his wing pixels off, but other than fly, Bdubs can do whatever he wants. As far as Martyn knows, he finished the delivery route. And the fact that he didn't isn't his problem tonight. If Martyn's too busy flirting with Cleo to catch an insubordinate flockmate in the act, well, consider this a lesson learned. He still glitters with white sparks wherever his bare skin faces upwards, like on the backs of his hands.

I can do… whatever I want. Isn't that something? Under the full moon, even! Usually he'd be bare-chested by now, wrestling Martyn while a crowd looks on. If Martyn enacts a challenge, anyway. He sometimes likes to. Bdubs' fingers brush the red feather hanging at his chest. He didn't give much consideration to wearing it. He just played along. This is Yes, And? This is fun. And he's out here doing whatever he wants.

Grian looks on, curious as ever. "I mean, you want him, don't you?"

"Do I ever! And got 'im right here!" (Not here here, but you know how it is under the wing).

"Aren't you disappointed?" Grian asks, foot twisting against the bar stool's little foot rest. He slouches against the counter. Maybe birds just like to perch on things. "I mean, you can't carrot with Etho now, if you're queerplatonic."

What? "Yeah I can." And this time he's more firm about it: "Etho and I can do whatever we want. Don't look at me! It's like you and Mumbo spawning a spark together when you're not dating. Raising kids together is fine." His eye twitches even as he says it. See, that's where the problem started.

Bdubs isn't really looking to be a dad right now. Right now, the flock comes first. He's saving his energy for when he, like Impulse and Jewel, takes his beloved's kids under his wing. Well, the players and cameras synced up to those kids, anyway. Four's a lot. Two's a lot, and it prob'ly won't be much longer before they're here- They're getting big. He gets emotion bleed of 'em on the regular, when they sit themselves in Daddy's lap or hang on his shoulders to watch him play.

Raising four kids someday ('cuz who doesn't take the cameras under their wing too?) is gonna burn him out. That's when he's gonna be so weak, Martyn takes his place as flock captain. Heck, Bdubs will throw the fight if he has to. The flock comes first, and once he's got his own, his time as captain's gonna run dry. Brittney and the kids are gonna be his flock then.

That's the schism between him and Etho, see, which is none of Grian's freakin' business. But Bdubs can't see himself raising server-restricted sparks this late in life when his real, Between dimension family is gonna get a whole lot bigger in a couple hundred years. He doesn't need babies. And Etho, who huddles up alone more often than he should, wants a litter he can lick and snuggle and hold.

It didn't end their friendship. It's just dangerous to dance around. They agreed a long time ago carrots were off the table. Bdubs is pretty sure Etho's never gotten his love hearts up before, and that makes him all the more unpredictable. Too wild. Unrestrained. It's just not worth the risk, 'cuz if an accident happened, Etho would whine and plead for him to stay. Void, he loves Etho. But accidents come easy, and Joel's living proof of it- Hermes is just one example…

Bdubs does not talk to Etho about Joel. Or Cleo, for that matter. Yeah, he'll play up his role as kid in the Clocker family, but he sheds it like a snakeskin when he's not in the mood. Except for "family dinner nights," where he's expected (and MCC watch parties by extension), he doesn't roleplay Clocker stuff in Between. Not in the teasing, flowery way that Etho, Scar, and Cleo do. On-server is full of emotion bleed- Scar got it right when he picked a puppet skin this season.

But Between is where he's real, and he's not gonna waste it roleplaying as the lowest member in the pecking order. Except for when it's fun.

[Full chapter on AO3 - Links at top]

[triforce-of-mischief]

Missed You

Summary: Legend pays a much needed visit to Ravio, who is concerned for his partner's well-being.

Word count: 2390

AO3

Relationships: QPR Legend/Ravio

Reblogs > Likes!

The last few days had been nothing but one bad event after another. The group had been temporarily separated, Legend had suffered an injury, and they had no idea where the shadow had escaped to. When the next portal appeared, Legend was pretty sure that every single one of them was expecting the worst.

Which is why, when they stepped out and gathered around a field in front of a familiar castle, Legend allowed himself a triumphant yell.

“That’s my castle! I mean- Fable’s castle. Anyway, I know where we are!”

“Thank the spirits for that,” Twilight said. “Shall we head there, then?”

“My house is right down the road,” Legend pointed out. “Can’t we go there?”

“We don’t know how long we’ll be here,” Time said. “It would be smarter to talk to the princess first while we have the chance. If we get that done before the next portal arrives, I don’t see why we can’t visit your partner after.”

Legend let out an unfortunately incriminating squawk. “Ravio isn’t- I mean, he is, but- you- how-”

“Oh please, it was obvious from the time we first saw you together,” Sky laughed, giving the flustered vet a pat on the back. “You bickered more than Malon and the old man, but we all saw that look in your eyes.”

Legend gripped his skirts, denying his hands the urge to tug his hat over his ears. “Yeah, it took us a while to figure things out, and a lot of it’s happened in our letters since I left, but… that’s what we are.”

“Aw, vet, you’re adorable when you blush,” Wind said, giggling madly.

“You little-”

Sky held Legend back before he could lunge at the brat, and Time stepped between them.

“Maybe we should split up then,” their leader suggested. “Most of us can go to the castle while Legend and the rest go to his house. Sound good?”

All parties nodded and quickly set to work determining who would go where.

“I’d like to meet Fable,” Sky volunteered.

“Do I have to go to a castle?” Hyrule mumbled, and Legend waved him over.

“I want Wars with me,” Legend said. “Knights don’t have the best reputation here yet. It’ll be better for him to lay low.”

That was his only justification, of course. It wasn’t like it was because Legend felt the most comfortable around Warriors regarding his phobia. The incident from a few days ago was far from being fresh on Legend’s mind, and he definitely wasn’t thinking about a conversation with Ravio that he wouldn’t be able to avoid.

Nope.

A few minutes later, and with a rendezvous planned, Legend led his small group of heroes one way while Time and the rest followed the road in the opposite direction. Wild had opted to avoid the castle as well, so Legend had three other heroes trailing behind him.

“Remember: most of my stuff is magical, and most of that is dangerous. So don’t touch anything unless I give you permission.”

“That’s what you said last time,” Hyrule piped up.

“And you touched everything,” Legend said, deadpan. “You’re just lucky that you were only looking at maps while Wind almost cursed himself with a ring.”

“So this time we know what’s safe to touch,” Wild said.

“Nothing,” Legend growled, making sure that Wild’s cheeky grin faded a little. “If you mess anything up, I’ll make you walk to the castle and explain to Fable yourself.”

The group arrived at Legend’s house without further incident, and the others stood back to let Legend knock on the door. It was his house, of course, he had a key, but Ravio was a bit paranoid about thieves.

“It’s me!” Legend yelled. “And a few friends.”

They heard a muffled crash and a startled yelp. “Mister- oof- Mister Hero?!”

Legend took a step back just in time, letting the door whip past the space that his nose had been occupying a moment ago. A purple blur barreled into him, nearly knocking him over, and he felt Warriors’ hand steady him.

“One of these days I’m gonna be dead on my own doorstep,” Legend groaned, but he knew that the others could see his smile.

“I missed you so much,” Ravio said, and Sheerow chirped agreement from his shoulder.

“Missed you too, bun.” Legend matched the intensity of Ravio’s hug, taking a moment to simply enjoy the feeling of holding his partner close. So much had happened in the months they had been apart, but Legend was finally home. He loved adventuring and life on the road, but time spent away made reunions that much better.

“It’s nice to see you again, Ravio,” Warriors said, reminding them that they weren’t alone.

“Oh, of course!” Ravio exclaimed, pulling away from Legend a little so he could properly greet his guests. “It’s always a pleasure to see Mister Captain Hero Sir, and Mister Traveler Hero, and Mister Champion Hero!” The merchant stood on his tip-toes, peeking over Legend to glance over the rest of the yard. “Are your other friends not with you today?”

“The old man thought it best to visit with Fable,” Legend explained, nudging Ravio back down. “And I wanted to check on my house, so we split up.”

“Hmm… and I’m sure your plan has nothing to do with the fact that I’m living here?” Ravio teased, looping his arms around Legend’s shoulders and leaning in to nuzzle his nose. Ignoring his partner’s Ravi please, you’re embarrassing me, the merchant continued, “I suppose I can be persuaded to provide our lovely heroes with some good food! Free of charge, of course.” Legend gave him a look until he added, “And board, for as long as you need to stay. A- also free of charge.”

Hyrule piped up, “If you need rupees, I’m sure we can-”

“No, he’s just kidding,” Legend assured him. “Your rupees are safe, Roolie… I would watch your pockets though. Sheerow has a knack for nicking shiny things.”

Sheerow chittered indignantly.

“So are you gonna let us in, or are we camping out here?” Legend asked, just to see Ravio’s adorable pout.

“You never have any patience, Mister Hero!” Ravio scolded. “Yes, yes, come in already!”

Ravio released Legend, grabbing his hands to pull him into the house. Legend wasn’t prepared for the amount of force his partner used, causing the stitches in his shoulder to send a sharp ache down his arm. He stumbled through the doorway with a yelp, crashing into Ravio who had stopped just as suddenly.

“I’m fine!” Legend said as worry flashed across Ravio’s face. “Just didn’t know we were moving, that’s all.”

Ravio’s eyes flicked to the heroes behind them. He nodded and gave Legend a look before addressing them, his voice suddenly full of fake cheer. “Make yourselves at home, please! Link and I are going to have a quick chat.”

Legend was once again dragged along, though much gentler this time, through his house until Ravio was slamming his bedroom door behind them. The merchant whirled around, wringing his hands and looking Legend up and down. “Where are you hurt?”

“I’m fine, Ravi, really,” Legend tried. “We healed it as much as we could.”

“I won’t believe you until I see it,” Ravio said quietly, staring determinedly at Legend, who finally flinched and reached for his belt.

“Just… I don’t want you to freak out,” Legend explained, struggling to lift his arm properly. Ravio hurried to help, pulling his red outer tunic off and laying it neatly on the bed. “You’re squeamish about these things and I don’t want you to faint or anything.”

“I’m not going to faint, love,” Ravio assured him. “I’m a coward at heart, not faint of heart. Now, where is it?”

Legend sighed, pointing to his injured shoulder. Ravio stepped behind him, pushing the collar of his green tunic aside so he could see. Legend didn’t know exactly what the scar looked like- Four had offered to let him look in a mirror, but he had declined- but Ravio recognized it immediately.

“Stitches?” Ravio gasped, his finger tracing around them.

“Yeah,” Legend said, keeping still so Ravio could see. “Some lucky boko shot me with an arrow and we didn’t have any potions or fairies so we had to do it the dirty way.”

“Were- were you unconscious?”

“No… I only passed out after they finished. I felt everything.” He shivered, remembering how terrible it had felt, how much it had hurt.

“They… wait, who’s they? Who did this to you?” Ravio fixed Legend’s tunic back in place, turning the hero around to face him.

“Wars, Four and Rule… but it isn’t like you think, they didn’t hurt me,” Legend said, then corrected himself. “Well, I mean- they did, but they were… really good about it. I was bleeding pretty badly and Wars took the time to calm me down even a little. He talked me through it while Rule stayed close and Four took care of- of patching it up.”

“It sounds too good to be true,” Ravio breathed.

“I know. I still don’t understand why they were so nice to me, but it seems like Wars isn’t going to let this go quietly. We had a good talk after I woke up, and things are good with Rule and R- Four. Even though they all saw me acting absolutely pathetic and-”

“Oh no you don’t, we’re not doing that.” Careful of his shoulder, Ravio gathered Legend into a hug. “You are my amazing Mister Hero and I’ll never care how scared you are or what you’re afraid of.”

Legend melted into his partner’s embrace, fighting a losing battle to keep himself composed. “Thank you, bun…”

“I just wish I could’ve been there,” Ravio whispered. “I hate knowing that you’re alone and scared out there and not even Sheerow can reach you.”

Legend laughed softly. “Are you kidding? You know how bad you get, neither of us would’ve lasted ten seconds before Warriors would’ve actually had to pin us to the ground. I knew that you would be waiting for me when it was all over, and I was right, yeah?”

“True,” Ravio hummed. “But it’ll take a lot more than common sense to keep me from wanting to help my beloved in his moment of need.”

“You’re impossible…” Legend rested his chin on Ravio’s shoulder, surprising both of them with a wet sniffle.

Ravio tried to pull back and look at Legend, but was thwarted by his partner’s clinginess. “Link?”

“Jus’ missed you,” Legend mumbled.

“We already established that,” Ravio said gently. “Do you need to sit?”

Legend gave a noncommittal hum, content to just be close to Ravio. The merchant took that as a ‘yes’, however, and shuffled over to the bed with Legend still secure in his arms.

Ravio was warm and safe and home, and Legend was crying by the time Ravio eased them down. His partner knew not to pry, simply hugging Legend tight. This only made Legend even more emotional as he attempted to hide his tears and choke back sobs.

“M-missed you.”

Ravio shushed him. “I know, baby.”

Legend hiccupped. “Love you, Ravio.”

“I love you too, Link.” Ravio ran his fingers through Legend’s bangs, wandering up and lingering near the hero’s ear. “This ok?”

“Mhm, yes please.”

Ravio traced light patterns over Legend’s pointed ear, his fingers intermittently slipping behind to provide pleasant scratches to the soft skin there. Legend’s tears slowed as he snuggled into his partner’s comforting touch, and he may or may not have let a happy squeak slip out.

“When Four was working on my shoulder, you know what Wars talked about?” Legend murmured after a while.

“Do tell,” Ravio whispered back.

“He told me about you. He told me all about your habits and personality and skills…” Legend smiled to himself, remembering that small spark of light in the darkness. The happy memories that he had clung to in that moment of fear, now surrounding him in safety once more.

“How much he must have overstated! Only Ravio thinks so much of himself,” the merchant huffed.

“No, it was all true. And I think the world of you too,” Legend said. He hoped that his voice, tired from crying as it was, fully conveyed his sincerity.

“Goodness, Mister Hero… I don’t seem to recall you being quite this sappy during past returns,” Ravio mused, and was Legend imagining the tears in his voice?

“Yeah, well… I guess that’s what happens when something triggers my phobia,” Legend said, then whined when Ravio’s fingers momentarily paused behind his ear.

“That’s a new word,” Ravio said, resuming the gentle scratches.

“Oh, um, Four taught me about it… it’s a fear that’s so severe that it interferes with daily life, and encounters are… really bad. Me and you, we both have trypanophobia- a severe fear of-” even now he had to take a deep breath to prepare himself, “-a severe fear of needles.”

He felt Ravio flinch at the word, and gave him a coo of reassurance before continuing.

“It’s not something that can be cured or dealt with overnight, but Four and Wars claim that there’s a way to come to terms with it. It can take a really long time but they say that if somebody with trypanophobia has a good support system and learns coping techniques… then they’ll be able to face their fear in a healthy way.”

“And you want to try this?” Ravio guessed.

“I’ve been warned that it won’t be easy, but yeah, I do,” Legend said quietly. “Plus, it it works for me, maybe it’ll work for you too. I’ll make sure that you’ll know exactly what’s going to happen before you agree to it.”

“I’d be willing to give it a try… I just hope that it makes things easier for you. Out and about and facing your fears left and right… that’s not the life I want for my dearest bunny.”

“Ravi, you know how I feel about that nickname,” Legend groaned, hiding his grin in the crook of his partner’s neck. “So… do you want to talk to them? After dinner, maybe?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Ravio said, placing a gentle kiss on Legend’s hair. “We’ll get through this, love. Together.”

[thefortysecondolive]

Been thinking about allo- and amatonormativity lately and how many examples I can offer up first-hand even from the last couple of years and I’m just… I’m tired.

I’m tired of it only being a matter of time before showrunners turn that close m/f friendship into a romantic subplot. I’m just about as tired of “if they don’t kiss/hold hands/make out/have sex on screen then it’s not queer rep” as I am of “there’s no platonic explanation for this” and “friends don’t do that.” I’m tired of “I just don’t get why you’d headcanon them as aspec,” even about characters who have never expressed any preference at all. I’m tired of the implications that reading a character as aspec or a relationship as platonic is somehow homophobic. I’m tired of aspecs who are canon in the source material being erased in adaptations and fandom. I’m tired of “they can still have a relationship though!” as a justification for shipping without engaging with aspec identities.

And that’s just talking about internet spaces—the spaces I come to as a form of escapism. That’s not even starting on the bog-standard get-to-know-you questions about having a partner, which I can either tactfully deflect or answer honestly and out myself in a first conversation. The “well, but if you had to—?” The “when you’re a parent you’ll understand” and the insinuations that the types of relationships I do form aren’t meaningful. Being told I’d clean up on lesbian dating apps and having to explain to my therapist why that took me aback. The way people say “just friends” like friendship is something lesser. Every time I’ve been taken to be dating a close friend. The way a bartender once asked “what’s funny about that?” when my friend and I laughed at the implication we were in that bar as a couple. The friend from my very queer contra community who said he didn’t really get why people wanted to have words to express that they didn’t do something. The other friend who told me I needed to “reevaluate my prejudices about romance.” The frequency with which in-person queer spaces are sexualized or focused on finding a partner. The podcast I listened to that defined QPRs with barely any reference to the term��s origins in ace and aro communities. The tax benefits for married couples and the restriction of visiting privileges in medical settings. How difficult it is to afford rent on a single income.

It’s all just. so. tedious. And I’m so tired of it.

[chronically-enthusiastic]

The Ending of Good Omens S2: An Ineffable Analysis

So I wrote this analysis of the ending of Good Omens S2, and the duck situation... Its quite long, my apologies... Unless you like reading long essays, in which case enjoy!!

The Ducks

Before we begin, I would like to take a moment to acknowledge the ducks. 

Throughout both the book and the show, there has been a running theme. Ducks. It all began back in the 1990s when Good Omens was published. Around the start of the book, Crowley attempts to use the analogy ‘Like water rolls off a duck’s back’, except he has a lapse of memory. He struggles to find the word to complete this simile. The conversation moves on after a few lines, Crowley apparently resigning to not ever reach the satisfying end of the thought. We read the next two pages and forget that anything ever happened. 

DUCKS! Two pages later we are interrupted by this remark from Crowley. This short joke made it’s way into the television programme and has since become the recognised epitome of humour. 

On July 28th, Good Omens Season 2 is released on Amazon Prime. In Episode 1, Crowley and Shax are seen on a bench. Crowley remarks that one should not feed bread to ducks. He is asked what, if not bread, one should feed ducks. This question is ignored. 

The Ending

The Kiss

The kiss is something that lends itself to be analysed. I would like to begin by quoting part of something Mr Gaiman talked about on Tumblr. He said “I don’t think kissing scenes have much to do with love… Crowley’s kiss is about a lot of things but it's not to show they're in love: if you haven't got it by then you'll never get it.” This is vitally important to recognise, in my opinion. I do read Crowley and Aziraphale’s relationship as not purely platonic: it is my belief that they are in the middle ground between a romantic and platonic relationship. The general name given to this is a Queer Platonic Relationship (a QPR for short).

FROZEN PEAS!

“Frozen peas, that’s what you should feed ducks.” Thus the joke returns, and the appreciation for ducks and duck humour is doubled. Duck!! No, seriously, duck, I’m throwing a book at you. 

I agree with Gaiman. The kiss was never about romantic love. Crowley was frightened of what a world without Aziraphale would look like. He was gripped with fear about him leaving. He needed to do something that could convey to Aziraphale just how he felt, why, exactly, he could not face life without him. And they have been on earth for so long. They know how humans work, how they express love. In kissing Aziraphale, he attempted to not only remind him of humanity’s capacity for love, but to reinforce that they are on their own side. They are more human than ever before. They understand people in a way that angels and demons never will. And in showing that they are more human than them, Crowley is telling Aziraphale that the beings in heaven and hell will never understand him as well as Crowley does. 

We also see evidence of this throughout their lives in other ways. 

Crowley calls Aziraphale 'angel' much more frequently than is absolutely necessary. You see, it must be acknowledged that Crowley understands human culture. He instructs Shax on complex human interaction, such as sarcasm. There is no way that he does not know that ‘angel’ is a term of endearment for humans. He understands this, and uses it for perhaps that reason. 

Yet there is another perspective to be looked at here. We have already seen how Crowley might use human behaviours to persuade Aziraphale, but what if in this case he is using them to remind himself of something. 

It is true that Aziraphale is an angel, the literal meaning of the word. What if Crowley uses this term to remind himself that Aziraphale will always be an angel, no matter how much Crowley wants otherwise. It is a reminder to himself that despite what he may want, how far he is willing to go, Aziraphale will never stand down from his position as an angel. We have seen how they have discussed being on their own side before. It is always Crowley who initiates the idea. 

Despite knowing this, despite reminding himself of the fact near-daily, he has the courage to ask once more if Aziraphale will leave them for him. And Aziraphale says no. We see the pain on both of their faces as they realise the real implications of him saying no. And we must remember that this is not the first time Crowley has asked this of Aziraphale. He knew that there was a real chance of him saying no: he has said it before. Yet that time Aziraphale denied him because he wanted to save earth, he was on humanity’s side. This time? This time Aziraphale is saying no so that he can go back to heaven’s side. 

"You could be an angel.... my second in command." 

The heartbreak and pain they, Crowley especially, must be feeling is ineffable. Crowley laid his heart bare for Aziraphale. He dared to hope, to be optimistic, and it didn’t work. How will this affect him in the future? Will he allow himself to be vulnerable again? I don’t think so. It will take Aziraphale apologising, coming back and confessing too, to let Crowley be vulnerable again. But even then, will that be enough? Only time and Mr Gaiman will tell.

Aziraphale’s Point

After watching Season 2, and having our hearts broken by Aziraphale, it is all too easy to put the blame on him. But honestly? I think he has a point.

Crowley explicitly states “We don’t need heaven. We don’t need hell. They’re toxic!” And while it is true that they don’t need them, the rest of the world is deeply affected by them. Aziraphale understands this, Crowley, however, does not. 

I’m not entirely sure what Crowley’s stance on saving the world is, but it’s certainly not the same as Aziraphale’s. Crowley has shown that he has a tendency to run away from the big problems. He suggests going to Alpha Centauri instead of preventing the apocalypse in S1, and again in the infamous S2 ending. So given this information, we must call into question who is correct.

Aziraphale is technically the person trying to achieve the best outcome for the most people. He is going to be in charge of heaven, and believes that he can make a difference in the system, even if it means sacrificing his own happiness and life with Crowley. (Whether or not this will actually be the case is yet to be seen, but I am going to discuss a little further into that later.) He wants to use the new position to do actual good, not the ‘Good’ heaven is obsessed with. We could read Crowley’s actions as selfish: he is potentially sacrificing the lives of everyone on earth so that he can be with Aziraphale. In fact, we see him acknowledge that that may well be the fate of the earth: “Earth will be just as dead if heaven causes it as it would be if hell did.” (or something to that effect). 

Is Crowley being selfish here, or just pessimistic? Perhaps he is wanting to leave Earth so that he doesn’t have to worry about that, leaving the humans at the mercy of the wills of the powers up above and down below. But equally, perhaps he truly believes that nothing can be done, and so is faced with the choice of going away with Aziraphale or being subjected to whatever hell will do with him after the second coming. Good Omens has taught us that there is no black and white, just shades of grey. Therefore, I cannot be an absolutist about who is in the wrong. However, I also feel that it has taught us to hope, to believe in the possibility so we can act in the best way possible.

I think that Aziraphale is right to want to make change. He has an opportunity here, given to him by the Metatron, to do something to prevent the second coming. He is not running away, and is sacrificing his own happiness to do what he believes is best. 

But beneath all that, the part of me that just wants them to live happily ever in a QPR as soon as possible is inordinately angry at him for not running away with Crowley. The message? Saving the world is important but I need you to be happy. 

Aziraphale’s Communication

Whilst I mostly agree with Aziraphale’s motivations, some time must be spent analysing his communication. There are many problems with it, and I think when analysed it will bring to light some of the more nuanced and less good parts of why he chose this path.

There is a moment where Crowley states that he said no to hell, and Aziraphale responds with “Well of course you did. You’re the bad guys”. I think that this line really speaks to the way that Aziraphale sees the world still. He uses the word ‘you’re’, not ‘they’re’. He still sees himself and Crowley on opposite sides of the line. After all of their conversations about the nuance of good and bad, how they are on their side, this idea is still entrenched in Aziraphale’s thinking. Let’s take a second here to think about the future.

For a proper character development, we need to see Aziraphale overcome this. He has been pretty stagnant in his character throughout the story so far. We saw Crowley undergo some significant development in that final episode. He finally admitted his feelings, and spoke about what was actually on his mind. So we know that they are both on a character arc. Surely Aziraphale will have a moment like this? There was not one in S1 or 2, therefore it is safe to assume that this will come in S3. I think that in S3 we will see Aziraphale finally recognise that the structural Good and Bad is not the right way of looking at things, and this will lead to a character change that will allow him to do what he must to stop the second coming. 

Aziraphale also doesn’t lead the conversation with the fact that he can make a difference. He leads it with “We can be together, in heaven. It can be just like old times, except nicer”. There’s a lot to unpack in this line. To Crowley, ‘nice’ has never been something he aspires to be, at least not openly. He seems to despise the idea of ‘nice’, as evidenced by “I’m not nice. I’m never nice. Nice is a four letter word.” He has also just shown that he does not want things to go back to the way they were before, which Aziraphale seems to have not listened to. In this scene, Aziraphale seems to fundamentally misunderstand where Crowley is coming from. He does not address anything that Crowley says, apart from perhaps “Oh Crowley, nothing lasts forever.”. But even in this he comes across as a little dismissive, and maybe a little patronising? And it still doesn’t address Crowley’s proposition. 

There is the question of whether or not Aziraphale is really in control of his actions in this scene. The Coffee Theory suggests that the Metatron drugged the coffee that he offered to Aziraphale, making him obey him. However, this is not my belief. To say that Aziraphale is not in control of himself here is to misunderstand the conversations he and Crowley have previously had, and to undermine his character. Yet, I do not think that he was aware of everything the Metatron was doing.

The Metatron

We are first introduced to the Metatron in S2 when Crowley is looking at the records in heaven. He is introduced as someone more concerned with the appearance of heaven than how it is actually run. We see him as cruel, and unmoving in his positions.

The next time we see him on screen is when he enters the bookshop, having just ordered a coffee. He interrupts the conversation without introduction, immediately asserting authority. No one, apart from two characters, appears to recognise him. This is intriguing because the archangels should have known who he was. Why this is, I do not know.

Two characters appear to recognise the Metatron. The first is Saraqeal. This is not confirmed, but judging by the lack of shock and indignation contrasted with their other angelic counterparts, we can assume that they do recognise him. Neil Gaiman said on Tumblr: “Paul Chahidi wasn't available when we were shooting. It was a pity. We had some secret things for Sandalphon to do. Saraqael did some of those things, and not others.” What are those secret things, we must ask ourselves? Is one of those the recognition we see from Saraqeal? And what will these secret things mean?

The other character is Crowley. The Metatron asks him directly who he thinks he is, and Crowley answers correctly. This is very interesting for a few reasons. Why does the Metatron ask Crowley of all people? Perhaps to establish power - he knows who knows who he is, he is proving his omniscience so as not to be questioned later. And how does he know that Crowley knows? 

Anyhow, I digress. The point is that from the moment he walks in, he establishes his power and makes everyone else feel shameful. As a person who is admired by the angels, this is an interesting move to make. It makes the angels feel as though they have slighted him in some way, and so will feel compelled to make it up to him - remember that Aziraphale is an angel too (we established this previously in the essay). He then reinforces the idea that they have done something wrong by demanding the archangels leave, but keeping the lowest angel present. This makes the archangel Uriel question if they have done anything wrong, and the Metatron purposefully gives a vague answer so as to maintain power. This display of power is interesting because it is not the people he is exerting power over who are his target. His target is Aziraphale.

The aforementioned tactic is done to impress his power into Aziraphale. His intention is that Aziraphale will feel less power because of this, therefore more willing to do as instructed. The Metatron’s next manipulation tactic is to ignore Crowley. He knows Crowley is not one to stick to the rules (“Ah, well, always did want to go his own way. Always asking damn fool questions, too.”), and will likely help Aziraphale see the truth. The Metatron needs Aziraphale to be convinced before Crowley can tamper with his plan. Therefore, he ignores Crowley, both making Aziraphale feel more important, and making Crowley feel less powerful. He then removes Airaphale from Crowley and onto neutral ground. This is a known technique in manipulation. The conversation then ensues in the restaurant across the road. 

During this, the Metatron describes the characteristics he sees in Aziraphale that would make him a good replacement for Gabriel. This flattery is intriguing because they are not characteristics necessarily seen in Aziraphale. He then pulls out the Crowley card, saying Aziraphale could reinstate him. He obviously knows about their relationship, and so is trying to assure Aziraphale that he can still have everything he wants, yet if he knows that then surely he will know Crowley’s response. The Metatron is giving Aziraphale false hope so as to convince him to join him in heaven. 

The thing that I think is most vital to understand is that Aziraphale never explicitly says yes. Infact, at the end of the conversation Aziraphale asks for more time to think it through, which is answered with a ‘yes, of course’, yet followed with a ‘Why don’t you go and tell him the good news?’. This is a way of making the manipulated feel as though it was their idea, that they said yes, whilst in reality it was the manipulator all along. 

The final straw is how he enters after the ‘breakup’ scene. Crowley walks out, and Aziraphale’s life is left in tatters. After this scene, he is left the most vulnerable and broken we have ever seen him. And that insidious Metatron walks in and acts as if Aziraphale had the moral upperhand. After all that hurt and pain, the Metatron is the one to bring some comfort, to pat Aziraphale’s back and say “Ah, well, he always did want to go his own way.”. Of course Aziraphale is going to follow him now, he has given Aziraphale an opportunity he almost couldn’t resist before, and now the main thing that tied him to Earth is gone. And the Metatron knew EXACTLY what he was doing. He knew that Aziraphale saying all this to Crowley once he’s been mostly convinced would be enough to tear them apart. He knew their weaknesses and exploited them in order to get exactly what he wanted. 

So we know that the Metatron manipulated Aziraphale - the evidence is blatantly there - but the question is why? Every manipulator has a goal, what is the Metatron’s? To answer this is to speculate about Season 3.

Why?

The Metatron manipulated Aziraphale into getting him exactly where he wanted him to be. But the question is why? Aziraphale is not the obedient servant he would find in Micheal, Uriel, Saraqeal, or Sandalphon, nor is he as easy to get on side. The Metatron knows that he has knowingly gone against the will of god before, and so why is he deciding to reinstate him, higher than before?

I think that the Metatron is afraid. He knows about the partnership between Crowley and Aziraphale, we have already established that, but why might this be a threat to him? 

We saw the power of the miracle with Gabriel, it was enough to raise someone from the dead 25 times. And Crowley acknowledges that this is likely because it was performed by both of them, together. And the Metatron is scared by this, of what the ineffable husbands can do together. And so he orchestrates a way to separate them. The idea of keeping your friends close but your enemies closer is pertinent here. If he is as threatened as it is made out that he is, then having Aziraphale directly beneath him at all times might just protect him. 

[shoezuki]

Yeah uh, not to bring up the QPR thing again either, but from my understanding the issue with the Phil clip is people feeling that the description "platonic life partners" doesn't necessarily cover people writing stuff that would easily be read as romantic if not for the tags, even though that is covered under a more-than-three-words-long description of QPR. I am in the weird place where I think the people who go "obviously it's fine" have a point and the people who go "uh not actually sure about this" have a point.

Like, I am still weirded out by this fandom's need to check every aspect of fandom with the creators, it seems invasive, why are we making them weigh in on pronoun headcanonos, but "the qpr thing" comes from people wanting to make sure that if our baseline is clearing it with the creators, we're not slipping things in that would actually freak them out under a grey area.

o yayay i been like. well in my argument against ppl gettin at it i dont really specify what i mean enough tbh but i totally get that aspect of it like

the discussion of what could be Too Far in qpr depictions is Good cuz like definitely ppl go into 'just straight up shipping but pretending it isnt' territory and THAT fuckin sucks. i agree that those kinda instances of qprs r fucked And that like. no doubt phil couldnt have gotten such things from one dono

mostly when i get ticked at the qpr thing i mean like. the people i saw on twitter taking it from 'people go too far with some qprs' to 'qpr headcanons are too intense and break boundaries and need to be stopped' yknow??? like i get more angry at how it goes to extremes rather than a decent conversation of how ppl will abuse the qpr headcanons to hide their romantic n sexual depictions of them

oh and ya like. honestly the Need to check every possible hc is weird to me too BUT like. honestly i aint mentioned it too much cuz im like... what is the Alternative yknow? like people wantin to create things and bein worried bout if its outside of boundaries makes sense n isnt a Bad thing inherently. but Also it can be intrusive and kinda awkward n uncomfortable to ccs who may jus not want to know of fan creations. but then like. what could be done instead? i have no clue n its a weird point to me

[acespec-ed]

Okay, I have an important question for alloromantics who aren’t also aplatonic: Do you honestly ever see someone and desire to be their friend???

Long ass backstory.

So at this point, I’m almost positive I’m aplatonic. I never quite knew if I was aplatonic because, I thought maybe it’s just me being introverted or maybe just me being asocial or maybe I have Schizoid’s or maybe it’s depression or maybe I have attachment issues or maybe I just haven’t been in the right environment or around the right people. Maybe it’s a combination of all those factors! Regardless, I saw a post a few days ago about someone who used to feel platonic attraction but stopped for some reason and the way they made platonic attraction sound in that particular post... Something in my brain clicked then and there.

Allosexuals can see a person with a desire to have sex with them. Alloromantics can see a person and have a desire to be in a romantic relationships with them. By that logic, alloplatonics can see a person and have a desire to form a friendship with them. It’s so damn obvious! 

I was aware of this, of course. But... I’m going to sound absolutely ridiculous and ignorant right now so bear with me.

I never really looked into aro terms, when I first discovered aromanticism. Back when I discovered asexuality, I came across a few aro terms. QPRs, zuchinni’s, squishes, and platonic attraction. None of those applied to me. None of those terms were useful for me. I never looked further into them. I didn’t identify as aro. And so, I just assumed all those terms were “aro-only” things. As in, even platonic attraction was an “aro-only” thing. Like, my brain made a big leap that, aros don’t feel romantic attraction but can feel platonic attraction instead. Like, platonic was their replacement for romantic attraction, if that makes sense. And then the aros who don’t feel that platonic attraction, were aplatonic. 

Though in recent years, I realized that that wasn’t the case. Of course, alloromantics can have squishes and be in QPRs and feel or not feel platonic attraction. But even as I came to this realization, I never stopped to think about what that meant for me specifically until this blog.

I’m like, in this weird limbo between alloromantic and arospec but I feel like I fit in with alloros more than aros so I tend to lean more towards being alloro. Meaning, by my original logic, I wouldn’t experience platonic attraction anyway. But, by my new-and-improved logic, I should totally be capable of experiencing platonic attraction despite feeling romantic attraction. Surely one is capable of feeling both?

The problem is, I have a hard time believing someone experiences both. In my mind, you’re one or the other, or neither. Since I’m most likely aplatonic, that puts me in the first category. But if someone can feel neither, then it makes sense someone can feel both!

So, alloromantics who are not aplatonic- is it true? CAN you feel a need to be someone’s friend? Is this why all my past friends started talking to me out of the blue? Why past best friends wanted to hang out with me all the time?? Or simply talk to me all the time??? All while I’d come up with excuses to not, and mess with my Facebook settings to show I’m offline even when I’m online because God dammit maybe I want to go check Facebook without being sucked into a long conversation I can’t get out of!

Like, I thought they were just being their extroverted selves and I’m too introverted. Like, I liked my friends- sometimes even before we were friends because I automatically like people who are nice to me. And I do have fond memories of all my past friends and miss them and hope they’re doing well. I get sad when they leave my life. It’s been so long since I had a close friend, that I’ve forgotten what kinds of feelings friends invoked in me. And it’s been so long since I’ve even been around potential friends. There’s also the part where, I’m down with being someone’s friend if they go out of their way to talk to me enough times. All my friendships started that way. These are the things that make it hard to tell if I’m aplatonic or just introverted.

Really doesn’t help that I see people as temporary. Like, when someone’s in my life, I know it’s only a matter of time before they leave my life so why bother getting close when it only ends in sadness? (Childhood experiences have led to me feeling this way but this post is long enough.) So maybe my disinterest in making friends is simply due to the fact I’ll lose them anyway.

Idk. I just have a hard time wrapping my head around wanting to be someone’s friend when you’re capable of wanting to be someone’s romantic partner. I assumed my feelings were the norm and my friends were just extroverts who needed that social interaction to function!

[demibkdkstan]

So I have a question for fellow aroaces, like even if you don't have an answer reblogging will help me find one.

So, I consider myself to be in a qpr. My partner and me are moving out and buying a house together, we've planned our foreseeable future together and we've discussed the fact that I don't really see myself dating or getting married but ik she is someone who wants/needs that and that I'm ok with continuing to live together even after she gets married and we can continue our life like that.

She also has a lot of automatic things that I don't give to others, like touch. She's an incredibly touchy person and I love her and want to give her that so overtime I've learned to be ok with lowering that barrier towards her. We haven't currently moved out together yet but she will oftentimes spend the night with me, like just cuddling and sleeping together, completely platonic but like, I've always explained that those sort of things to me I basically don't feel comfortable doing unless with a romantic partner, just the cuddling and the touch, etc. (I am Demi so I have been in two romantic relationships before, they were just friendships that developed into that).

I've explained that I'm demisexual to her before, which honestly she never took with a big deal just an "oh, ok" and we moved on. I also explained that like I don't have ride or dies so I'm not hers, but I had to figure out why I was ok doing all of the things I would previously only do with a romantic partner and I realized that the way I look at you is we have a platonic, relationship. That ik technically that term just means friends but like it's different, that I view her as basically the equivalent of being someone I'd marry if I had any romantic feelings.

So like, I've danced around the qpr subject, and when I said that she said she's honored and that it means a lot and so on, but we don't talk really about that much.

So I suppose my question is to me, she's my qpr partner (idk the term for that, but I don't need a term, she's mine and I love her), and to my understanding, our feelings are along the same wavelength. So is it wrong for me to think of her as my qpr partner? I haven't just come out and said "hey are we in a qpr" but to be honest idk that I even would want to do that. Like she's mine and I love her but like I don't really even want ties in the same way a romantic partnership is ties. I just know that she's my best friend in a way I've never had a best friend and that I want to build a life beside her. Not even necessarily with her, because again she's going to get into a romantic relationship one of these days (hopefully to my brother if he gets his head out of his ass and gets around to asking her out. Shut up, they're adorable together and I ship them) but beside her and idk. I enjoy the label in my head but I don't think we need it out loud. Is that ok though? Am I assuming things? Should I ask her? Is that even needed though with all the conversations we have had?

[illfoandillfie]

I’d love a platonically blurb ab them applying to foster/adopt kids 🥺

i love you for this request but also it made me very soft and emo and how dare you

It ended up being a little less about them actually applying and more just them deciding they wanted to adopt or foster and discussing their options because i can't read but perhaps i could do an actual fic later about the process involved and them meeting their kid and stuff?? idk...dad ben makes me 🥺🥺🥺

Anyway, here's the second last blurb in my Platonically event!

Words: 1,683

Warnings: Nothing much really, discussions about children including pregnancy, adoption and fostering, a little mention of sex but nothing explicit.

“I wanna be a dad.”  You weren’t surprised to hear Ben say it. You’d seen the signs. There was the way he’d befriended and doted on the adorable toddler who’d played his daughter on a TV project. Every day he’d come home and his face would light up as he talked about her – how she babbled little kid nonsense at him all day and how they’d played silly games sitting on the floor of the set while the cameras were set up around them. You’d almost expected him to bring up the possibility of having kids then but he’d surprised you and not mentioned it. You could tell he was thinking about it though which made you think about it too. It made sense to at least discuss it and see where you both stood now that you’d been in the QPR for a while and knew that it worked and that you made a good team. You asked about it one night while you were washing the dishes and Ben was drying them. “Do you ever think about kids? Like having one?” “Yeah, sometimes,” he said, bumping your shoulder gently with his, but the conversation didn’t go any further than that.

It wasn’t until about three months later that you heard him say it. It took one of his mates having a baby with his wife for Ben to bring it up. You’d gone over a couple of weeks after they left the hospital, gifts in hand (a cute little spotty onesie and soft toy elephant that he hopefully wouldn't grow out of as quickly as he would his clothes). It was a lovely afternoon, catching up with the new parents and meeting brand new baby Bertie who just stared at everyone who cooed over him. You each had a turn holding Bertie too, marvelling at how anything could have such tiny hands and such big brown eyes. Ben happened to be handed the bundle of blankets that Bertie was swaddled in as the baby began to fall asleep. He didn’t mind though. When the new father asked if he should take Bertie and put him in his crib Ben waved him off. He said he didn’t mind sitting there a little longer to make sure Bertie really had dropped off. The parents didn’t argue, a little relieved that they were able to take a break and just relax. Both of them excused themselves for a moment to get some more food and use the bathroom which left you and Ben and the sleeping Bertie alone together. Quietly you stepped towards the armchair Ben was in, sitting on the arm so you could run your fingers through his hair. “I wanna be a dad.” Ben glanced up at you as he said it, and you could see how much he meant it. “Let’s talk about it tonight,” you reached out to stroke Bertie’s pudgy cheek as Ben lent his head against your side, his attention turning back to the baby.

Neither of you mentioned it on the drive home. In fact you both specifically avoided mentioning it, though not from fear of what might be said but rather just wanting to make sure you had adequate time to go over it without rushing. Once you were inside, shoes kicked off and the kettle on, you opened the discussion.  “So....a baby?” Ben nodded, as he settled into the couch, body angled towards you, “I’ve been thinking about it for a bit, it’s not just because of this afternoon but that did help. I really want kids and I think I’m at a place where I feel ready to. Is that...is that okay?” “It’s wonderful Ben. Honestly, I’ve kinda been waiting for this conversation for a while. I’ve seen you interact with kids and I knew it wouldn’t be long before you wanted your own.” He laughed and inclined his head in amused agreement, “So does that mean you like the idea?” “Yeah I do.” “Really? Just that I know you weren’t really sure about it when we first decided to be partners.” “I might not’ve been then, but I am now.”  “What changed?” “Well...you, obviously.” “Me?” He seemed surprised. “Look, before we got together I couldn’t imagine being in a relationship that didn’t make me feel at least a little uncomfortable. I figured I’d be single forever and I was okay with that. I’d considered just having a kid on my own – sperm donor or whatever – but that seemed like a really hard thing to do and I wasn’t sure I’d ever want it bad enough to do that. But then you showed me that it was possible to be in a partnership that felt good and, I don’t know, I started thinking about the possibility of having a family with you, and the more I thought about it the more I liked the idea.” Ben smiled as if he was trying not to look as pleased with your answer as he felt, “So we’re doing this then? For real?” “Yeah I think so. Weird.” “Bit weird.” There was a pause as you both just sat with the knowledge that you were planning a future together, that you both wanted to go ahead with it. You never would have guessed you’d get to that point with anyone.

Ben was the one to break the moment, “How would you want to...I mean how should we...How do you feel about being pregnant?” You bit your lip in thought, “I’m not sure. Honestly, it still kinda freaks me out.” “That’s understandable.” “I mean, if it was a dealbreaker for you then I would. I’m not entirely against the idea of carrying our baby and it would mean we’d get to do the fun part of making it.” “We do the fun part a lot as is,” Ben laughed, “But it’s actually something I thought about a lot.” “The fun part? That doesn’t surprise me.” “No, the you being preggers part,” he said exasperatedly, “I knew you weren’t super keen on the whole thing so I got thinking about whether or not it really mattered to me and I don’t think it does. I think I could be just as happy with a kid that came from someone else. And,” he paused as if giving you time to prepare for what he was about to say, “I might have looked into our options for adopting or fostering.” “You did?” “Mmhmm. It’s kinda complicated so we shouldn’t rush into anything and we should probably contact some agencies to ask questions and stuff.” “How complicated are we talking?” “Well, basically, if we want to adopt I think we have to put our names down with an agency and then there’s an interview process and if they think we’re suitable candidates then they’ll put our names in the system and find us a kid. And I guess it depends on the age bracket you’re looking for. I think if we wanted a newborn we’d be more likely to get one through adoption but it might still take a while whereas older kids are a little easier to find, so that’s something we need to consider.” “What about fostering?” “It sounds even more complicated. Like adoption you put your name down and go through an evaluation process but then there’s a few different options. There’s short term fostering where we’d look after kids for a couple of weeks or months while plans for their futures are finalised. Then there’s long term fostering which is usually for kids who can’t go back home but don’t want to be adopted out of their birth families and they mostly stay with you until they’re adults. Emergency fostering is another option which is a few nights or weeks at most but it’s for kids who need to be moved quickly and you don’t always get a lot of warning about them coming to you. And like, there’s possibilities to end up adopting the kid or kids you foster depending on what they want and how it goes.” You puffed your cheeks up with air and slowly blew it out, head swimming with the sudden influx of information, “That does sound complicated.” “Yeah. We’ll really have to consider out options and decide what sort of family we want to have. I think reading about adoption and fostering made me want to do it more though. Cause like...” he paused as he tried to find the right words, “These kids are out there without good homes and I really believe we could give them that.” You noted Ben was getting a little misty eyed, blinking more rapidly to hold back the emotion, so you tried to make him laugh by nudging him and calling him a sap. But you loved seeing how much he cared.  It worked a little as he chuckled softly and shrugged, “Look, either way – adopting or fostering – it's probably not going to be easy. There’s challenges involved in fostering for sure – kids with trauma we won’t be able to understand, kids who are grieving the loss of their birth families or who’ve had bad experiences with other foster carers and who struggle to trust anyone. And the kids who are up for adoption might not have the same problems, especially if they’re younger but, I don’t know, I think finding out you were put up for adoption would leave its own scars. Issues with abandonment and things like that. So I think we have to be really, really sure before we put our names down anywhere. But I also think we could properly help someone doing it, maybe more than one someone. So, if you’re up for it then so am I.” “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” “What are you thinking?” More pros and cons lists?” You both

laughed at that but Ben grabbed your arm, encouraging you to leave your seat and sit on his lap instead. He wrapped his arms around your waist and tilted his head up for a kiss which you gladly gave.  “I’m really happy we’re talking about this,” He almost whispered, squeezing you a little tighter. “Me too. I guess we should start by going through all our options and seeing which ones would suit us best.” "I've got some websites bookmarked and a few documents downloaded so why don't I go get my laptop and you make us a drink and we'll start working through it, okay?" "Okay,"

[anthonycrowleymoved]

Oh shove off with your "Good Omens isn't real rep because they don't say I LOVE YOU every 3 seconds" nonsense. We're sick and tired of this immature discourse popping up every 2 months like clockwork. They're a queer romance, the end. And by claiming they're not, you're invalidating aromantic people. You're invalidating asexual people. You're invalidating QPRs. You're invalidating agender people. Grow up. Do better.

god i’m so glad i bookmarked this video for moments like this. it brings a nice lightheartedness to the rest of the post i think. anyway

1. if you don’t want to see my “nonsense” “every two months like clockwork” (lmao it’s literally always prompted sorry people care about my opinion) unfollow me. block me. don’t engage with my content. good bye!

2. it’s very cool of you to send me a message at four am my time on anonymous when i’m very publicly on the east coast so you probably knew i wouldn’t answer for hours. especially when there was no conversation about this for a while yesterday. very brave.

3. look, i’m not “invalidating” people because i think neil’s excuse is bullshit. i’m not going to speak for the groups you mentioned, because i am not part of those groups, but if you look at the comments on the essay you clearly didn’t read people who are actually part of those groups and actually, you know, have say, are basically saying they’re not happy with the in-text representation either. and it’s not that they didn’t say ‘i love you’ every three seconds, it’s that they didn’t hint towards any type of relationship they may have had at all in the actual show. that’s not representation, that’s neil telling you he wrote something he didn’t.

4. i love how it’s become this weird fight between like, the ace community who want to lick neil’s boots and the rest of the lgbt community. we don’t want a goddamned sex scene, we don’t even need to see them dirty gay kissing, we just want some confirmation of SOME SORT OF LOVE STORY. i’m not even picky as to what kind. i’d be fine if there was a throwaway scene that actually hinted at ace or qpr. it’s just like, neil’s taking credit for a love story of some sort, so i want to actually see one. and i don’t.

5. PLEASE think about your parasocial relationships and why you feel the need to anonymously defend a 60 year old white man who doesn’t know you exist

[genderbinaryisforlosers]

everyone on the carte blanche for the ask meme

everyone? oh boy this is gonna get long ajfhdsf

JUNO

First impression: i, like a lot of people who get into the podcast without knowing a great deal about it, was expecting at most an ambiguously bisexual angst machine with a closely-guarded heart of gold. juno being an explicitly bisexual genderqueer angst machine is perhaps the most pleasant surprise of my life. the angst machine heart of gold characters were kind of my type at the time, so i loved him right away

Impression now: every time i think about juno’s arc from depressed mess held together by bad coping mechanisms, safety pins, and a few good strong puns into someone who can talk about his feelings, feel comfortable about being happy, and recognise when he needs to change, i want to cry about it a little bit. the depth of my love for juno steel has only grown along with him

Favourite moment: juno has a lot of great one-liners and i’m still a big fan of the “on the other hand i wasn’t wearing a watch” bit and who can forget such classics as juno finally deciding to stop moping over nureyev and move on only for him to open the door to his apartment and find nureyev sitting in the dark dramatically, but honestly nothing will ever hit me harder than his sudden, pissed-off declaration of “i can’t die yet, i still have shit to do!” in promised land. god.

Idea for a story: oh i have so many and i want to write most of them so no spoilers, but juno accidentally kidnaps a baby during a carte blanche heist and shenanigans ensue

Unpopular opinion: obviously we all know he’s dummy thicc but i feel like a lot of people forget he’s an actual genius, like the stuff he notices and how he strings it together is sometimes so obscure and he’s almost always right. oh, also juno is not skinny and i will not be taking criticism on that

Favourite relationship: this is so tough because every dynamic is so good, but i think it has to be juno and rita. those two are so good! the best best friends in the world!! i’m really a sucker for any dynamic that’s ridiculously in-sync so i loved these two as soon as juno saw rita’s notes in prince of mars and went “makes perfect sense to me” (which it probably didn’t, because rita, but he trusted that she knew what she was doing which is the important part)

Favourite headcanon: this isn’t really a headcanon but i still think about how juno is (was?) deathly afraid of heights but when he heard rex glass coming he still attempted to climb out of the window. either his aversion to working with dark matters/other people in general was so strong is overrided his fear, or his office was actually on the ground floor. not sure which of these is funnier.

NUREYEV

First impression: we’ve all seen the memes about nureyev knowing juno steel for one (1) day and deciding to Risk It All by leaving him with his name, look at this Hopeless Romantic, this utter DISASTER of a homosexual. the fact the very next time we hear from nureyev (at least directly) he’s patiently waiting in juno’s dark apartment to surprise him with a heist definitely supports this image.

Impression now: even after literally being inside peter’s head, i feel like we didn’t get a real sense of who he is until man in glass, where we find out he aggressively compartmentalises everything that causes him stress. he’s also distinctly someone who’s had his heart broken before, i think, which makes those first appearances of his very strange. but it does remind me of what juno says about diamond, and how he decided to provide the trust first and wait for the trustworthiness to grow in (only to get severely hurt), and i think that’s exactly what nureyev did. i am also... very uneasy with how suspicious he’s behaving this season because obviously i want to believe he’ll sort it all out and not betray the crew but... oof

Favourite moment: the beginning of what lies beyond pt1 where he’s affectionately bullying juno into taking care of himself? cleared my crops watered my skin etc etc etc

Idea for a story: i’d love to hear more about his past as a young thief idolising buddy and vespa (i can’t actually remember if that’s canon or fanon but anyway i wanna read it!)

Unpopular opinion: i think people often cling to an image of him that more resembles his first impressions in season 1 instead of seeing the depth that we’ve been given about his character in season 3

Favourite relationship: him and juno but honestly it’s a close call between them and his budding friendship with rita. even though she learned it by accident, his name is still a point of intimacy and it’s one less secret to keep around her which has to be a weight off his shoulders, at least a little? they seem like they could be really good friends once ultrabots is out of the way. juno steel love (and also bullying) zone activates whenever they’re together

Favourite headcanon: i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again - nureyev has never done a household chore in his goddamn life. he doesn’t know the water needs to be hot when you wash dishes.

RITA

First impression: honestly i’m not sure? i don’t remember having a big awareness of her in murderous mask but i remember loving her “note-taking” in prince of mars, i thought she sounded really fun and cute

Impression now: rita is really fun and cute, she’s also an extremely hardworking and dedicated woman who had the guts to throw in with a detective fired from the force and then invest all of her time and money into helping him help people.

Favourite moment: Rita Gets A Knife. enough said

Idea for a story: i don’t know honestly! i really struggle to write rita because her thought processes are so wild and i don’t think any story i could come up with would match mega ultrabots of cyberjustice.

Unpopular opinion: this shouldn’t be unpopular because juno steel himself shares this opinion but all future-jupeter headcanons are incomplete without rita also being a huge part of their lives

Favourite relationship: rita + franny 4ever obviously.. jk it’s juno & rita have you heard rita minute 3 they’re too adorable for this world. im still Soft over their conversation at the end of soul of the people when he said he couldn’t stay in hyperion anymore but he wouldn’t leave with the carte blanche if rita wasn’t coming because he was done leaving her behind, and she threw out all her hesitations on the spot and said call the big guy. speaking of, rita & jet are a close second. instant best friends i love them.

Favourite headcanon: i think this is basically canon now but rita being literally half the height of jet is so good

JET

First impression: “haha lorge funny man puts juno in the trash”

Impression now: jet sikuliaq is one of the dearest characters to me out of anything ever. he is a huge, menacing, polite, kind, sincere man who i would very much like to give me a hug. he’s the best aro ace in outer space and while being generally very levelheaded and straightforward, also takes every opportunity to fuck with juno because it’s very easy and very hilarious to him personally. he is everything my autistic acearo ass needed and i’m so glad to have him

Favourite moment: all of them every single one. him putting juno in the trash is of course a classic and every moment jet chooses to be funny makes my heart happy, but also every piece of genuine advice he gives. i’m a particular fan though of buddy recounting her years in the lighthouse and him saying he became concerned when she didn’t come downstairs at the usual time. “you took the door off its hinges.” “i was deeply concerned.” king of understatement

Idea for a story: again no spoilers for you but..... tools of rust time loop au

Unpopular opinion: this isn’t “unpopular” as much as it is unknown but jet is buddy’s queerplatonic partner and i will keep saying it until everyone believes it

Favourite relationship: jet and buddy,,, just everything about them. the way he suspects when she’s lying, the way she makes tea for him when she expects him to drop by. the fact he comes to check on her when she is 41 seconds late to the family meeting because it’s unlike her to be late and the last time she was late for something her brain was turning to radiation soup. but most especially the way she snaps at him to stay out of her business and he said he could not because he made her promise eight years ago to never stay out of the business of her health, no matter how many times she asked. they r literally in a qpr

Favourite headcanon: i don’t think this is true but i still think it would be funny if the ruby-7 used to be painted red but when jet got it he had it painted green because he Just Really Likes Green (as evidenced by his hovercycle). it’s very funny to me.

BUDDY

First impression: it’s been a minute since i relistened to time gone by but i’m pretty sure the first thing she ever says in the podcast is sliding up to depressed accidental whiskey thief juno and say “that’ll be ten million creds,” scaring the shit out of him, so needless to say i was in love instantly.

Impression now: my love for buddy aurinko has only grown and if it sounds like i already said that in this post it’s because i did about juno and it’s appropriate because the parallels are astounding. the heart of it all gave us such depth to buddy’s internal monologue and why she always sounds like she knows exactly what to say and what that’s like and honestly will i ever be over the heart of it all as an episode? unlikely. i think i’m gonna have a little piece of it in MY heart forever.

Favourite moment: everything she’s ever said is iconic as hell i especially like “in an impressive fit of hubris i’ve decided not to prepare my words for this vow” which made me laugh out loud but once again i must give it up for her iconic “I WANT TO LIVE” moment. honourable mentions to her taking rita out for ice cream and giving juno shooting lessons while she’s in her actual wedding gown. i love her

Idea for a story: buddy and vespa as sun/moon dieties.... that’s all

Unpopular opinion: stop drawing her with a fancy high-tech eye like the theia!! it canonically looks like garbage and it’s described in detail, please, i’m dying, also don’t minimise her scars you bastards

Favourite relationship: buddy and vespa invented romantic love and the entire carte blanche crew’s relationship to her is great but you know by now i’m a slut for buddy & jet out-of-this-world queerplatonic partners. the way she checks in on him during tools of rust to make sure he’s not relapsing and he comes to find her when she is 41 seconds late in the heart of it all to make sure she’s not having a heart problem!! it’s the trust,, the devotion,, the mortifying ordeal of being known

Favourite headcanon: she can sing. absolutely tears it up at karaoke. i’m right

VESPA

First impression: knife lesbian goes STAB. she will heal your wounds but she will be threatening to give you more the whole time

Impression now: she is extremely strong, heart-rendingly tender, and despite being in the older half of the carte blanche crew somehow has unmistakable little sister energy which makes her downright hilarious. i’m so glad she got to marry buddy and they’re official space wives now they’re so good for each other

Favourite moment: both from shadows in the ship, either “GUN!!” “KNIFE?!” (iconic) or when she clocks the dark matters drone pretending to be juno because it called her crazy and juno wouldn’t call her crazy. i’m always a sucker for “shapeshifter fails to fool mark because they Know Each Other Too Well” and it was just *chefs kiss* so good

Idea for a story: i really want to write something about when she was first staying at the lighthouse with buddy post-reunion, and getting to know jet and stuff. i think it would be cute

Unpopular opinion: i know vespa doesn’t canonically have lots of scarring but people who don’t draw her with scarring? cowards.

Favourite relationship: once again, although buddy and vespa invented romantic love, i just love the dynamic between vespa and juno so much. they’ve come so far with each other and their weird sibling dynamic gives me life. at the end of what lies beyond when juno says “we’re not gonna kill her, vespa” and instead of sounding full of Rage and Suspicion she’s like “whyyy notttt?” and he’s like “because i said so!” and that’s just good enough for her even if she’s a bit grumpy about it. i love it.

this took.. a hot minute to do! jshkfjsdgsa thank you dyl ily <3

[dragonsaregenderless]

QUEERPLATONIC

definition: a relationship that is not romantic or sexual but not quite platonic either. a queerplatonic relationship (or qpr) can include aspects of any of those three relationships, but does not have to.

“Roommate Wanted” said the flyers Mack’s mother had made them put up. It wasn’t even a true statement: Mack didn’t want a roommate. If they’d grown apart from their high school friends, it was because they were swamped with work. They weren’t socially isolated.

They put up the flyers along their favourite path in the park. It was off trail.

~*~*~

“Any news about the roommate?” Their mother asked during their weekly Sunday lunch.

“Not yet.” Not ever.

“That’s unfortunate.”

Mack nodded along with their mom. She looked so genuine that they almost felt bad. Their mother was only trying to help them, and Mack felt something like regret blossom in their stomach. They pushed it down. No one would ever find the flyers.

~*~*~

Someone had found the flyers.

He called Mack on Thursday, during their lunch break. “Hey, is this Mack Aaron?”

They swallowed their bite of burrito. “The one and only.”

“I’m Dmitri Nikolaev,” he said, “Is the roommate still wanted?”

Mack glanced a the time. Ten minutes till they had to get back to work. “It depends.”

~*~*~

Cool Catz Café was a small coffee shop on the corner of Mack’s street. The short distance, amazing espressos, and resident tabby cat meant that Mack spent an ungodly amount of time there. That Friday afternoon, though, they weren’t there to consume caffeine or pet Oliver, they were there to meet Dmitri.

They weren’t sure why they were doing this. It would have been easy to tell him they’d already found a roommate, or just ghost him, but here they were.

They told themselves it was to make their mother happy, and because splitting rent would make it easier to save up for top surgery. It wasn’t because, in the last bit of their conversation, Dmitri had charmed them. Not when they didn’t know him. He could be a serial killer.

Mack scanned the café. An old man sat by the window, across the shop from their corner booth, and a teenage barista fiddled on her phone at the counter. Neither looked like they would notice a murder. Mack really hoped Dmitri wasn’t a serial killer.

The door opened, letting in the cold February air and making the wind chimes that hung above the doorway. Mack looked up to see a man about their age. He had to stoop to pass through the door. Despite his height, he didn’t seem threatening. He was wrapped in winter clothes, a knit beanie on his head and pretty pink scarf over his nose, and his jacket was puffy and dark green. He walked straight over to Mack.

“Hi,” he said, flicking fluffy brown hair out of his eyes. Mack tugged self-consciously on their own tangled black hair. They were wearing an oversized brown sweater and winter boots that they’d had since they were seventeen. “Sorry for the wait, my sister’s dog needed to be taken to the vet.”

Mack blinked. ‘Puppy rescuer’ was exactly what Dmitri looked like.

“You are Mack Aaron, right?” he asked, the beginnings of a worried frown on his face.

They nodded. “Yeah.”

“Nice to meet you.” He said it like he meant it. He sat down across from Mack and began taking off his coat and many knit things. Under the jacket, he was wearing a fuzzy sweater, and under that a thick long-sleeved shirt. Mack stared. When Dmitri caught them, he smiled sheepishly. “I get cold easily.”

“So, the roommate thing?”

No shit, Sherlock. They chuckled.

~*~*~

Mack called their mother Saturday morning while they were organising their apartment--a once in a blue moon occurrence, special for their new roommate--to tell her they wouldn’t be able to have lunch with her that week.

“Why not, honey?” She sounded worried. “Is it about the roommate? I knew you weren’t too enthusiastic about the idea; we don’t have to do it.”

“It is about the roommate,” they started, “but not like that. They’re moving in tomorrow.”

“Oh,” their mom said, then brightened. “Oh! That’s lovely.”

They thought about Dmitri’s puppy rescuing and the way he acted like spending time with Mack was nice, not an awkward charity. They smiled. “Yeah. I think it is.”

~*~*~

The second bedroom was empty by the time Dmitri’s pickup rolled up on Sunday. Mack helped bring his boxes upstairs, and together the two set up his bed.

When it was done, Mack went to make something to eat (neither of them had eaten since lunch). They tried to look at the apartment through Dmitri’s eyes.

Even cleaner than ever, Mack collected enough knick-knacks that it was cluttered. The kitchen was more like a hallway with old, half-broken appliances, and the living and dining rooms were one and the same, the table on one side and the the couch and TV on the other. A balcony came off the living room side, but right now it was covered in snow.

Dmitri came into the kitchen. “Do you have anything I can use to hang this up?” he held up and ace flag.

Mack nodded and pulled open a drawer. No house was truly a home unless there was a drawer of miscellaneous crap in the kitchen. “Here you go.” they handed him a pack of thumbtacks. Dmitri looked uncertain. “It’s cool, the walls here are shit anyway.”

“Yeah, okay,” he said, but didn’t move to go hang it up.

Mack tipped their head to one side. Dmitri’s shoulders were hunched and they were biting their lip. “Are you… Are you out to anyone yet?”

Dmitri shook his head, hands clenched in the material of his flag.

“I’m an arospec genderfluid pansexual.”

He looked up.

Mack ran a hand through their hair; it got stuck on the way down. They yanked. “Fuck.” They smiled awkwardly at Dmitri. “What I’m failing to say is, it’s cool. You being ace doesn’t affect me at all, but if you need anything you can ask. Do you want help hanging up the flag?”

“Yes please,” he whispered.

“Let’s go, then.” Mack took the thumbtacks and started toward Dmitri’s room. They stopped by the entrance to the hallway and turned around. “By the way? That was a much better coming out than mine was.”

He laughed.

~*~*~

Over the next few weeks, Dmitri became part of Mack’s routine.

It was established that Dmitri made breakfast, because he woke up early for med school (the fact that was still in university was something Mack would never stop teasing him about).

It was established that when Mack went to get coffee at Cool Catz, they brought Dmitri a chocolate croissant, and that if they got off work early they took the subway to meet Dmitri when his classes were over. Mack showed him all their favourite Netflix shows, and Dmitri got them to read Percy Jackson (which was amazing). Mack left a few pamphlet about the asexual spectrum and the LGBT+ community on Dmitri’s bed, and he came with them to the weekly LGBT+ meetings they ran at the community center.

It was established that Dmitri’s favourite blanket was the fluffy pink one Mack had gotten for Hanukah, and Mack replaced the old, brown sweater with a green one of Dmitri’s. Mack was allowed to turn the heat as far down as they wanted as long as Dmitri was allowed to steal their warmth through cuddles.

It was established that Dmitri was the most important person in Mack life, and Mack in Dmitri’s.

It was established that having a roommate was not as bad as Mack had originally thought.

[hopelessly-aro]

guess who finally wrote the qpr renga fic!!

(based vaguely off this post but it changed a bit since then)

it only took me like. 6 months.

summary and notes as well as the fic itself are under the cut (but its way easier to read on ao3 honestly)

But I Know That I Love Being Your Friend

"Langa," Reki said, swinging his legs where he sat at the top of the half pipe, "do you ever wonder if people think we're dating?"

Langa made a small thoughtful noise. "Not really. As long as we know we're not dating, I don't really mind."

"I think my mum thinks we are. She keeps giving me these weird looks whenever I talk about you. It's kinda annoying."

Or:

Reki is finding more and more that he really doesn't like when people assume he and Langa are dating, and when Langa comes out to him as aroace it gets him questioning a lot of things he'd always assumed about himself.

Words: 5715

Tags: Queerplatonic Renga, Minor Queerplatonic Matchablossom, Aromantic Asexual Hasegawa Langa, Aromantic Bisexual Kyan Reki, Demiromantic Sakurayashiki Kaoru | Cherry Blossom, Aromantic (specifically frayromantic) Pansexual Nanjo Kojiro | Joe, Mild Angst, Fluff, Self-Discovery, Coming Out, reki has a mild crisis but its okay, cherry "helps", Joe actually helps, langa is very chill and loves his best friend a lot

Notes:

Slight warning: This fic contains mild implied internalised arophobia and romance aversion. It's purely cause I still struggle with both of those and can't physically imagine it not being hard to accept oneself as aromatic. But yeah. Be aware of that.

Also! Pls don't take anything in this as 100% Factual Information. Firstly because I'm a loveless aro-ace writing about an aro-allo in a qpr so my experiences are far from similar, and secondly because sometimes descriptions have to be simplified so this doesn't sound like a damn dictionary.

That being said, please do let me know if I've badly misrepresented anything/written anything insensitive, and I will do my best to fix it.

~~*~~

"Langa," Reki said, swinging his legs where he sat at the top of the half pipe, "do you ever wonder if people think we're dating?"

Next to him, Langa made a small thoughtful noise. "Not really. As long as we know we're not dating, I don't really mind."

Reki frowned in thought. "I think my mom thinks we are. She keeps giving me these weird looks whenever I talk about you. I guess it's fair, she knows I'm bi and I do kinda talk about you a lot," he admitted that last part with only slight embarrassment, "but it's kinda annoying."

"It is."

Langa didn't say anything for a minute and Reki figured that was the end of the conversation. He wondered if it was weird for friends to hang out as much as they did, especially when one was attracted to guys and the other at least had never shown interest in a girl, but maybe it didn't really matter. He liked spending time with Langa - he'd probably spend his whole life with him if he could - and he wasn't going to stop doing that because some people thought it was an excessive amount of time to spend with a friend.

Then Langa spoke again.

"When I asked my mum for advice on how to apologise to you, she assumed I had a crush on you too. I had to come out to make her back off."

"What?" Reki's head snapped around to look at his friend in surprise. Langa was fiddling with one of the wheels on his skateboard, rolling it back and forth with his finger. "Dude you didn't have to come out to her if you don't want to, you know that right?"

As he spoke, Reki wondered why Langa would need to come out just to say he didn't like guys. He must have missed something completely.

"I did, she kept trying to give me dating advice."

Reki almost snorted out a laugh but caught himself.

"It doesn't bother me if people I don't really know think it, but it's my mum and I was uncomfortable. I'm uh..."

Langa was still staring at the wheel and Reki finally realised what Langa might be trying to do. He opened his mouth to say he didn't need an explanation but he was interrupted.

"I'm aroace and someone thinking I'm dating or want to date someone makes me feel...not good. So I try to ignore it most of the time." He paused, finally glanced over at Reki, then added almost as an afterthought. "You know what that is right?"

No. "Sort of? But you don't have to explain to me if you don't want to," he hastened to add, "you're still my friend dude."

"It's fine." Langa turned to look out over the skatepark. "Asexual means not being-" like the awkward teenager he was, Langa blushed, "physically attracted to anyone. Aromantic means not being romantically attracted to anyone. I'm both so basically I don't like anyone like that."

"Oh. Okay." Reki tried to process the new information. On the surface, it wasn't particularly confusing, but it clashed harshly with everything he'd thought about, well, life. People dated and/or hooked up until they fell in love and got married. He didn't know there were other options.

"You don't think that's weird?" Langa asked quietly, and Reki suddenly realised just how vulnerable he was being right now. Langa didn't often open up, in fact the last time he'd done so was when he'd said his dad died, and he'd changed the subject right after.

Reki cursed inwardly. He should have been more supportive; this was probably terrifying for him.

"Nah dude, I just never heard of it," Reki shrugged with only slightly forced nonchalance. "As I said, you're still my best friend, and it's not like you not dating anyone means we can't still skate together." He flashed a grin at the boy next to him and was rewarded with one of Langa's own soft smiles.

"Forever, right?"

"Forever!" Reki beamed. "Come on!" He stood, pulling Langa up with him, and positioned his board at the top of the ramp. Then he fell with a laugh, his best friend right behind him.

-----

By the time Reki got home that evening, his mind had drifted back to that conversation with Langa and he was buzzing with curiosity. Once in bed, he skipped his usual routine of skating videos until the early hours to open up a search tab, typing "aromantic asexual" just to see what would come up.

The first result was an article describing what it was like to be aromantic asexual and Reki skimmed through it before clicking away. He couldn't really process such a large amount of text, and he was pretty sure he had a grasp on the concept anyway. He skipped past a few "Are You Aroace?" pages, and clicked on one for explaining the difference between the two words. At the sight of another wall of text, he was about to click away again when his brain caught on something.

While the two terms are similar, and some people do identify with both, it is also possible to only be one or the other. Some asexual people still experience romantic attraction, and some aromantic people still experience sexual attraction. They may also identify with some other orientation such as gay, straight or bi.

Huh.

Reki read the section again, and then a third time. He could understand the words fine, they just weren't sinking in. Obviously, if the two identities weren't really linked then it made sense that people could be just one or the other, but it was only now that Reki properly registered this.

So you didn't have to want to date the people you found hot? That was allowed?

On impulse, he found himself opening a new tab, typing "aromantic" and clicking the first result. He got barely three words in before he shut his phone off and dropped it onto the bed.

This was stupid. He didn't need to look this up right now, or possibly ever. He understood his friend and he knew enough about the subject to not be completely ignorant and that was enough.

And he certainly didn't need to look any of this up for himself.

He liked people of all genders and one day he would meet someone nice and he'd fall in love and get married and that was that. That was what everyone told him, so it must be true.

Reki rolled over firmly and glared at the wall. Then he huffed, grabbed his phone again, opened YouTube, and went back to his safe routine of burning his eyes to skating videos until he eventually passed out.

-----

Reki woke the next morning, phone on his face, alarm blaring, feeling drained. Questions from the night before tried to resurface but he pushed them away, stumbling out of bed and trying to find clothes.

"You'd better hurry up or you'll make your friend late," his mother warned as he rushed into the kitchen just minutes before he needed to leave.

"Yeah yeah," he mumbled though a mouthful of eggs, then swallowed. "Its fine. If we're gonna be late, I'll just tell Langa to go on ahead. He's so fast you know? And completely fearless! Okay, maybe that's not a good thing all the time, but he does look so cool when he's dodging cars-" Reki paused in his gushing to shovel more eggs into his mouth.

From next to the stove, his mother gave him an odd look - a kind of knowing half-smile.

"What?"

"You really like that boy don't you?"

"Well obviously," Reki stood and grabbed his bento, "he's my best friend."

Across the table, Koyomi rolled her eyes. "'Friend', sure..."

Reki stiffened. Then on autopilot he was heading for the door, grabbing his bag, his shoes, his skateboard, and throwing a "whatever, see you later" over his shoulder. Only once outside did his brain catch up.

They definitely thought he liked Langa like that.

Reki stepped onto his board, letting muscle memory carry him down the road, and tried to shake the uncomfortable feeling.

Of course they thought that. Reki already knew they did. But the accusation felt worse than it used to. Usually he'd just give a nervous laugh or roll his eyes and forget about it when someone did that, but now his skin was practically crawling.

It must just be because he knew it would make Langa uncomfortable too and Reki was being protective of his friend.

Yeah that was it.

-----

Somehow, Reki survived most of the day without thinking about the conversation with Langa the day before. It was helped by the fact that Langa acted no differently, and their friendship hadn't changed in the slightest. They still texted all through class, they still bumped shoulders and ruffled each other's hair in affection, and they still sat close and watched skating videos during lunch.

Nothing had changed. But then, why on earth should it?

"I'm just gonna put this bottle in the bin." Reki said, peeling himself away from Langa's side and standing. Langa huffed slightly at the prospect of being away from Reki even for a moment, and Reki laughed at his pout. "I'll be right back."

Reki crossed the roof, humming lightly to himself, but paused when he heard his name.

"What about Kyan and Hasegawa?"

It was one of two girls ahead of him who'd spoken, both had their backs turned to him and hadn't seen him.

"Hmm...I'm not sure if they're dating but they definitely like each other."

Reki froze. He knew all too well that "like" meant "attracted to" in this context, and he started forward on instinct. But the girls must not have been talking about him and Langa specifically for the first one listed off another pair of names, and the second gave her very confident opinion that the two were secretly in a relationship. Reki stopped listening, stopped hearing really, and backed away a little.

Why couldn't people just leave his and Langa's friendship alone? And why did they all assume that to be so close they must be dating?

When it came to Langa's feelings, these people couldn't be further from the truth, but maybe an outside perspective could tell Reki had a crush on Langa even if Reki himself didn't know?

But Reki's insides squirmed at the thought. No, he definitely didn't want to date Langa. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with him, practice skating tricks together, talk about their days, and sit close to each other in comfortable silence, but he definitely didn't want to go on dates, or even kiss him. They were best friends and Reki was perfectly happy that way.

But was it wrong of him to want to be so close without their relationship being romantic? Logically, the answer was no, especially as Langa didn't want that either, but a gnawing voice in the back of his head wouldn't stop saying he was wrong.

Reki shook his head to force the thoughts out and marched back over to the bin to dump the bottle. He wasn't going to stop being affectionate just because some people were dumb and nosy. That was stupid.

He returned to Langa and plopped down beside him, leaning more firmly into his shoulder as if to prove a point. Anxiety continued to growl at him from his stomach but he firmly ignored it.

-----

His brave face didn't last all day.

He'd been spaced out all through his beef with Miya, letting him win far too easily for which he got thoroughly chewed out by the kid. Or at least, it would have been thorough if Reki had been really listening. But he'd hardly heard anything since school ended.

He didn't want to date Langa, but had he ever wanted to date anyone at all? The answer was a resounding no and it scared him. That was normal for his age, right?

"Oi slime! SLIME!" Miya screeched and flicked Reki's forehead, finally jolting him out of his thoughts. "Are you even listening?"

Reki absent-mindedly rubbed at where he'd been hit. "Um...no, sorry-"

Miya huffed loud enough to interrupt him, and stamped his foot. "Whatever, just next time you challenge me, actually follow through on it."

"I will, sorry," Reki mumbled, vaguely ruffling Miya's hair and getting a squawk and smack on the arm for his efforts.

Everyone - their whole group was at S today - turned to the screen to watch the next beef and Reki felt a hand tug his elbow.

Cherry was pulling him resolutely to a quieter corner of the warehouse, leaving no debate as to whether Reki was to follow. Only once they were out of earshot of anyone else did he stop and turn to look at Reki shrewdly.

"Something is on your mind. Either stop ignoring your friends or talk about it."

Ah, blunt as always.

Reki held Cherry's severe gaze for less than a second before his eyes dropped to stare at the ground. He scuffed the toe of his shoe in the dust.

Eventually he spoke. "Does it make you uncomfortable when we tease you and Joe for being obliviously in love?"

It wasn't what was on Reki's mind and Cherry knew it, but the older skater just sighed. "Not really, but that doesn't mean everyone has to be comfortable with comments like that. There could be any number of reasons for one to feel that way, and they're all equally valid."

Reki scuffed his toe again, hoping Cherry would elaborate but not knowing how to ask.

There came another sigh and Reki glanced up to see Cherry pinching the bridge of his nose. He took a deep breath and then folded his arms.

"It frustrates me however, because of the assumption that a very close relationship must always be on some level romantic, and usually sexual too." He raised an eyebrow at Reki. "Am I correct to assume you wouldn't know what I'm talking about if I told you I am demiromantic?"

Reki shook his head awkwardly. "Not really. I'm kinda new to this, sorry."

All credit to Cherry, he did try not to look exasperated. "In grossly oversimplified terms, it means I don't experience romantic attraction until I am emotionally close to the person in question. Technically, I am also demisexual but I don't experience romantic and sexual attraction separately so I don't often bother using that label too. It that clear enough?"

Sort of. Reki nodded yes.

"Good." Cherry's tone was clipped, though not any more than usual. "Now, Kojiro is my best friend and has been since before we can remember. I have been in love with him a very long time and he loves me too, but not romantically. I shan't elaborate on Kojiro's side because it's not mine to tell, but we've been in what we call a queer-platonic relationship for many years. I suppose you don't know what that is either?"

Reki shook his head, feeling more and more intimidated by the minute.

"Look up the official definition in your own time," Cherry said with a wave of his hand. "In mine and Kojiro's case we found a middle ground between romantic and platonic that we're both comfortable with and are perfectly happy like that. This, and the fact it is quite frankly nobody else's business, is why the narrow-minded assumption we are romantically involved is aggravating."

It took Reki a moment to realise Cherry had finished talking.

"Wait but," Reki heard Cherry sigh again but pressed forward, "why're you telling me all this? You could've just said it's annoying instead of giving me a lecture." He frowned up at Cherry who, to Reki's surprise let out a breath and unfolded his arms.

"Don't take me for an idiot, Reki. I can make an educated guess that you're questioning some things, probably relating to your relationship with Langa. It's also obvious you learn best with real life examples. Thus: real life example on relationships and attraction that should provide information and...comfort.

"Anyway," Cherry continued, "I've now done the bare minimum to be considered helpful. If you have further questions, the internet is free," he raised a sharp eyebrow, "and perhaps talk to your friend."

Okay, so all that was uncomfortably perceptive. Reki took in a breath and focussed on the knowledge that at least one adult in his life understood he and Langa were just friends.

He tried to reply but all that came out was a "Yeah. Thanks."

Cherry's face remained impassive but he gave Reki a stiff nod and turned back towards their group. Not another word passed between them, and Reki was left to deal with relief, and a simultaneous new flood of confusion.

It was a jumbled mess of feelings and questions, none of which he could sort through enough to really know what he felt. By the time he was back with the rest of the group, and dodging Langa's question about where he went, Reki had given up and pushed it all out of his mind. Now wasn't the time.

And maybe, if he just ignored all of his worrying now, the time would never have to come.

-----

Reki rolled his eyes when Langa finally returned from the vending machine with a pair of drink cans.

"Okay now will you let me sort out your hands?"

Langa passed Reki one of the drinks and huffed as he sat down next to him on the bench, shoulders brushing Reki's own.

"Fine."

Reki shook his head and moved to open the first band-aid. Trust Langa to zone out during a trick and go flying, only to care more about getting food than being patched up when Reki suggested a break.

"Langa," he started, smoothing the first band-aid across his friend's palm and opening another, "can I ask you something kinda personal? You don't have to answer if its rude though," he quickly added.

It was a few days since Reki had spoken with Cherry and he'd spent the time swapping between ignoring his problems, and thinking about them way too much.

"Of course."

"How did you know...?" Reki didn't look up from wrestling with another band-aid, and just trailed off.

Somehow, Langa seemed to instantly know what he was talking about. Must be best-friend powers or something.

"That I'm aroace? I didn't. When I first read about it, I refused to think I wasn't 'normal'," Langa said, making a gesture he'd once told Reki was called air-quotes. Reki let out a sound of annoyance and pulled Langa's hands back down so he could keep bandaging.

"But slowly the idea started to make sense. I'd never felt any attraction, and I didn't want to be in a relationship like that. It felt like I was broken, and I didn't have anyone to talk to, so it took a long time before I was able to admit it to myself. But now I'm okay. Sort of."

Reki stayed quiet as he smoothed down the last band-aid, and just nodded.

A long silence stretched between them. It was broken only by the opening of two cans, Langa immediately drinking about half of his in one go.

Eventually Reki spoke up again. "Can I ask you something else?"

Langa nodded, chugging down the rest of his drink.

Reki fiddled with the metal ring on his can."Do you know what a QPR is? I tried looking it up yesterday but I didn't really get it..."

Beside him, Langa nodded once. Then his eyebrows furrowed and he got that determined expression on his face that Reki knew meant he was thinking really hard about something.

He suddenly sat bolt upright and turned to Reki. "Its like a friendship but extra close," he said, as if that was all the explanation needed.

Reki blinked at him.

After several seconds of staring, Langa got the hint and tried again. "You do things that people say are only for romantic relationships."

Reki huffed. "Like what?" he pressed, "details Langa!"

"Like...spending all your time together," Langa's gaze began to get unfocused, "and maybe going on dates but as friends." He sounded faraway, but slowly leant closer and closer into Reki's shoulder as he spoke, saying something about physical affection and sharing interests. Discussing feelings and what you want in the future. Living together for the rest of your lives.

"It can be anything really, but I think it's something like that," Langa said, seeming to come back from wherever he'd zoned out to.

Reki looked down at where their palms had somehow ended up close enough to brush together, not quite holding.

"Oh."

Something was swirling in his chest. Something that loosened his breathing, and relaxed the tenseness of his shoulders. Something that eased the storm of questions in his head.

He felt Langa nudge him. "Are you okay?"

Reki shrugged, then nodded. "Yeah. I need to think about some things, but not right now."

"Then," Langa rose and offered out a hand to Reki, "let's race home!"

Reki grinned, glad to be offered a distraction, and let his best friend drag him from the bench.

-----

The bright light from Reki's phone made his eyes ache, and his head throb painfully. His gaze had been fixed to the screen since practically the moment he'd snuck back into his room, and he'd been reading and re-reading the same words over and over again for what felt like hours.

Never having a crush on someone. Rarely bothered by being single. Finding people attractive but having no desire to actually date them. Discomfort at the idea of being in a romantic relationship.

He felt shaky, breath fast and uneven, palms clammy. The screen eventually went dark and he didn't even move to tap it, just dropped it on the bed. His head hurt.

So he was aromantic.

He'd kept trying to find other reasons - he just hadn't met the right person yet, he hadn't gotten close enough to anyone to fall in love, he was still a kid and skateboarding took up all of his time - but whenever he tried to imagine himself dating someone he just couldn't. And when he tried extra hard, he just ended up feeling sick.

But the rush of relief that this was even an option was impossible to ignore, even with the knots that pulled his chest tighter and tighter. He couldn't even pretend the relief was new. It had been creeping in since Langa came out to him, and now, in the dark of his room and through watery eyes, it all came in a rush.

He was aromantic bisexual. He thought people were hot but he would never want to date them, and he would never fall in love.

Something hot trickled from the corner of his eye, and across his temple.

The pounding in his head threatened to split his skull clean open and all Reki wanted to do was bury his head in the sand and forget about it all. He didn't want to have to go through all this questioning, and he didn't want to have to explain to everyone he met for the rest of his life that he and Langa were just friends.

His room was suffocating him.

-----

Rain dripped quietly from the awning in front of Sia La Luce as Reki hovered on the doorstep, just outside the glow from the few lights left on inside. It had already been raining lightly when he left his house, but he'd walked out into it anyway, so desperate to get out of his room and clear his head.

It had worked. Sort of. The word aromantic undeniably made sense, and the realisation that he wasn't romantically attracted to anyone actually somehow made the label bisexual feel better too.

But he didn't want that to be right.

It felt...like being told something was wrong with him, that he was a bad person for this.

He didn't know how or why he ended up lurking outside the restaurant, damp and tired, but he was still stalling when the door opened suddenly and he jumped about a foot into the air, shrieking.

"Woah, woah kid calm down," Joe laughed, leaning against the door, "I only came to see if you were all right, not give you a heart attack!"

Reki grumbled something about some warning being nice, but followed Joe inside the restaurant anyway. He ended up slouched on one of the chairs, Joe leaning against the counter beside him, neither of them speaking.

He was just considering leaving (with an apology for imposing his company on Joe right when he probably wanted to go home) when Joe broke the silence instead.

"Hey, if you have something on your mind, you can talk to me, you know."

"Cherry told me about your relationship," Reki blurted out. Then he caught himself and muttered, "it made me think about a lot of things. Well I was thinking about them before but it made me think...more..."

"Ah," Joe made a small noise, like a knowing little huff of air, and sat down on the chair next to Reki. "I assume he didn't tell you much about my side of it?"

Out of the corner of his eye, Reki could see Joe was looking at him evenly, expression relaxed and open as always.

"No, he said that wasn't his to tell."

Joe nodded and turned to gaze somewhere in the direction of the cabinets behind the counter.

"I'm aromantic and pansexual," he began, in that calm voice of his, "so though I love Kaoru a lot, it's not romantic. Not like the way he loves me. We're extremely close, but our relationship is mostly friendship with just the romantic parts I'm okay with. I guess it seems pretty weird to other people, especially with all the play-arguing," he chuckled. Then he turned to Reki and leaned in like he was sharing a grave secret. "Kaoru gets frustrated on my behalf when someone assumes we're dating, but he'll never admit it."

Reki smiled a little at that, the lightheartedness of the comment easing the remaining tension in his shoulders.

"It takes a lot of communication," Joe continued, "because technically we both want different things, but it's not all that hard to make it work."

Watching out the corner of his eye, Reki saw Joe glance over at him, as if to check he was still following everything he was saying.

"I said I'm aromantic, but more specifically I'm frayromantic - which means I'm only romantically attracted to people I'm not very close to. I like going on single dates and having, well, one night stands, and I'm always clear that it's no strings attached."

Reki frowned as Joe said that, trying to wrap his head around just how calm he was. Of course Reki knew there wasn't anything wrong with any of this, but just the casual way Joe spoke was helping him to actually believe that.

"But that's why Kaoru's the only one allowed to call me a flirt, and I'm the only one allowed to bully him for being a prude. Because we aren't trying to hurt each other, and we know what's too far. It's not exactly a traditional relationship," he shrugged, "and people certainly think it's weird, but we're happy. And we agreed a long time ago that was all that mattered."

Reki was quiet as Joe finished, still thinking over everything he'd said. He fiddled with a leaf on the plant at the end of the counter.

"Are you okay kid?"

"Do you...do you ever feel like you're...bad because you only-" Reki's voice caught and he had to swallow, "-only want to sleep with people, and not...date them?"

Joe sighed quietly. Not out of impatience, just a little sad. Like he'd known exactly what Reki was going to say.

"Sure, sometimes I get down like that." He turned to face Reki properly, resting his arm on the counter. "But much less now than I used to. It's not on me to do something I'm uncomfortable with just because someone else expects me to."

Reki's throat tightened, though not out of fear or sadness now. He finally let his eyes raise to look at Joe properly.

"Having Kaoru helps. He's always there to be aggressively supportive, and I know I can trust him to communicate with me. But mostly it's just...time."

Reki's vision was going blurry for some reason, and he blinked rapidly to clear it.

"You'll be okay kid."

He nodded, once.

A little bit of weight had lifted from Reki's chest, like a heartbreak starting to heal. It would be a long time before he was okay with all of this, but it didn't feel quite so bleak now.

"Yeah."

-----

A week later, another slow day at school, and another night spent too long at S and Reki and Langa were slowly making their way home through the early morning darkness. Or at least, home was the intended destination. They hadn't been walking in the right direction for a while, just taking a meandering route through the quiet streets, savouring the time together.

Not a word had passed between them for the past hour, and they hadn't seen another person since they'd left S earlier that night. For all intents and purposes, they could have been the only two people left on earth, just wandering together.

It was peaceful.

He wasn't sure when they'd started holding hands, or even who started it, but they were, sweaty palms pressed together and shoulders occasionally brushing. His friend's very presence seemed to both cool down the stuffy night air, and warm the inside of Reki's chest.

Yes, this was where he wanted to be forever.

They were passing by a park when Reki felt a tug on his hand and Langa broke the silence to complain that his legs hurt.

Reki laughed and turned towards the park. "All right, all right, we'll stop here for a bit."

Langa let himself be pulled along eagerly as if that was exactly what he'd been hoping Reki would say (it was, and Reki knew that). Skateboards were dumped on the ground beside them and they flopped onto the grass, side by side, still holding hands.

They fell back into silence then, just watching the stars slowly blink out and light gradually collect at the horizon.

Lying here in silence like this, curling up together to watch videos, talking for hours on end about something completely random, skating through the streets and daring each other to pull off crazy tricks - Reki loved nothing more.

Except perhaps Langa himself.

He lost track of time too easily anyway, but like this they could have been together minutes or days and it hardly mattered. Time didn't matter at all when you had infinity.

"Hey Langa?" Reki's voice was barely more than a whisper.

"Hm?"

"I've been thinking a lot about what you said a while back - you know, about being, uh, aroace - and um," Reki took a breath, trying to persuade himself he didn't need to be so nervous, "well, you know I'm bisexual?"

"Yeah." There was a slight shuffle next to Reki and Langa turned to look at him, but Reki kept his eyes trained firmly on one particular star above him.

"Well I think - I mean I know - I'm aromantic too."

There it was. He'd said it.

Reki finally turned to look at Langa too and was met with one of his friend's rare grins.

"Cool! Hey, we can share a flag now!"

Relief rushed through Reki so fast it made him weak. He gave Langa a shaky smile back and blinked away the blur from his eyes. It was all okay. Of course it was.

He felt Langa squeeze his hand, reminding him neither had let go.

"This is nice you know," Reki whispered, shuffling a little closer to lean his head onto Langa's shoulder, "I love just being with you. Heh, that doesn't really make sense."

"It does to me."

Reki hummed. "Do you...do you think this counts as that QPR thing you were telling me about?"

Langa shrugged, making Reki snicker as his head bounced. "If you want, or we can just make it up as we go. There's no rules." He smiled. "Like skating!"

The warmth that had been settled in Reki's chest for the past few hours began to uncurl and spread through him. He imagined passing it on to Langa too.

"Yeah, like skating."

-----

Reki let out a whoop as he and Langa kicked off in unison, for once not ending up in a heap on the floor. They'd been at this for several hours, trying to hold hands while skating, and finally seemed to have it down. They kicked again, speeds perfectly matched and Reki grinned at his friend, seeing him smile back just as excitedly.

"We did it Reki!"

"Hell yeah!"

To everyone else in the park, it probably looked ridiculous, the two of them wobbling around on their boards, laughing each time the other almost fell, but it didn't matter. They kept going, falling into a steady rhythm, a slight push and pull as they kept each other balanced.

They'd managed to go quite a way through the park when they passed by Joe and Cherry sitting together on a bench, Joe looking at his phone and Cherry sitting sideways to lean on his shoulder and read a book. They both looked up as the two boys passed, giving Reki questioning looks. Reki just grinned, getting two nods in return, then he turned back to focus on Langa.

"Hey, Reki," Langa was still beaming at him, "you're the most important person to me."

Reki yelped and wobbled, still not used to how forward Langa could be, but his best friend's hand was there to steady him.

"Y-yeah," his heart did a happy little dance, "you too Langa."

They'd gotten into the same university, and were going to move in together after high school. Reki still got giddy when he remembered that.

Nothing had changed, not really. But then, why on earth should it?

~~*~~

By far the most difficult part of writing this was every time Langa had to say more than one sentence at a time. Heart to heart conversation? The boy hardly speaks!

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this! For a while it was a real struggle to write and then lo and behold, a week before uni starts, I suddenly regain the ability to write after wasting like. The entire summer holidays. Whatever.

Thank you for reading! Peace!

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

You and Me, We Don’t Make Sense (But No One Does)

Ao3

Summary: Roman loved the idea of romance, and everything that was attached to it. Romance itself, on the other hand... well, it wasn’t really his thing And, despite what anyone else might say, that was alright. Warnings: Kind of aphobia (of the aromantic kind), self-doubt (specifically of one’s romantic orientation) Pairings: QPR Royality Notes: Inspired by this post from @notveryglittery

    Roman loved the idea of romance.

    It was, after all, an extremely alluring concept. Buying great bouquets for those you love? Date nights tailored to your combined interests, spent just with each other? Grand tales of just what romantic love could overcome? Soft and sweet kisses filled with adoration? Roman loved all of it and more.

    Roman, however, didn’t care much for actual romance.

    It was to his benefit he wasn’t even certain what romantic love was, aside from what other people told him. It wasn’t like he necessarily had anything against romantic relationships, they just… never seemed right for him.

    The result of this collision of his love of concept but dislike of execution often resulted in his being almost excessively affectionate with his friends (of which he had many- he disliked romantic relationships, not people), family, and even strangers at times. Though he really should stop interacting with strangers like that. In his experience, a lot of them got the wrong impression.

    For an example, Roman had to look little farther than less than an hour ago. He had been buying flowers for his partner, Patton (they were cupioromantic, which had made them and Roman even more of a perfect match than they naturally were- though unfamiliar with romance itself, they were both very well-versed in the language of it) when he noticed two women giggling and clearly talking about him from a little ways across the shop. From what he could tell of their conversation, the giggling was nervous as they tried to convince the other to go talk to him.

    Roman was, in all honesty, flattered. He considered himself to be exceptionally pretty (a point wholeheartedly supported by Patton), and moments like these reminded him that he was not the only person with that opinion. He smiled smugly as he finished making his selection, waiting to see if the women would figure themselves out or not.

    It wasn’t until he had finished making his purchase that one of them did approach him. She tapped his shoulder lightly, and Roman smiled, putting on his handsomest grin before he turned towards her.

    “May I help you?” He asked her politely. At Roman’s attention, her cheeks coloured slightly, and Roman couldn’t help but feel proud that, yes, he still had it.

    She awkwardly gestured towards the bouquet of red gaillardias and blue freesias. “For someone special?”

    “They are.” Roman admitted easily. “Though if I gave them to you, I would still be telling the truth.”

    The woman giggled a bit, flushing even more. “You sure are a charmer.”

    “It helps that you are so charming yourself, ma’dam.”

    She smiled at that, looking down in a poor attempt to hide her ever-rising blush. “Hey, listen… I was wondering… if you’d like to maybe… go out sometime…?”

    Roman kept his own smile up, tone still light as he answered, “Apologies, for as delightful as that sounds, I do not date. I’m certain any man would be lucky to have you, however.”

    Normally, that was where it ended- the woman (or man or enby) would be a bit abashed at being turned down, but they’d still be smiling, and hopefully feeling very confident in themselves after Roman complimented them, saying thank you and wishing him a good day as they headed off. Roman would go on with his day as well, feeling happy himself at getting the chance to make someone’s day at least a little better.

    But this woman seemed as if she was looking to be an exception. “You don’t date?” She asked, sounding confused. “Are you… are you married?”

    “I am not.” Roman said (though he did hope one day his answer to that question would be ‘yes’).

    “Then… why don’t you date?”

    Roman forced himself to keep his smile up. Conversation rarely veered in this direction, but when it did, it was… uncomfortable. So few people actually knew what he meant when he said he was bellusromantic, and explaining it always seemed to take longer than it should. “Not my thing.” He settled on, knowing it sounded lame but not in the mood to truly get into it. “Now, if you do excuse me, I have somewhere to be. Have a good day.”

    He made his way to the door as quickly as he could without looking suspicious- uncomfortable questions aside, he didn’t want the woman to think he was fleeing her or something similar- ignoring the fact that he was almost certain the woman was watching him as he left. He was halfway across the shop when he heard the woman’s friend come over to her, their conversation quiet but just loud enough that Roman could hear it-

    “So, did you get his number?”

    “No… he said he… doesn’t date.”

    “That’s… weird.”

    “He was weird. He was being so romantic, too… it doesn’t make sense.”

    Luckily, for Roman’s sake, he had reached the door by then, and was out into the world, the women’s voices and conversation out of his hearing. The words he had caught, however, stuck in his mind, bouncing around in his head as he headed for his car.

    He wasn’t weird or nonsensical! Liking romance but not wanting to be romantic with anyone was normal, and real, and perfectly sensical, and he knew that because that’s who he was, and how he had felt for as long as he could remember, and there was a name and a flag for it and everything! Some random lady’s opinion didn't change that!

    So why did Roman have to spend five minutes just sitting in his car before he drove home, holding the wheel and lightly hitting his head against it as her words echoed in his head?

    ~~

    “Patton, sweetest, darling, dearest, I’m home!” Roman called out as he closed the door behind him, trying to infuse his voice with all the enthusiasm he had had before the interaction in the flower shop.

    Almost immediately, Patton was there, with bright colours from the entire rainbow and then some smeared across their hands, arms, and face, their apron even more colourful. They were smiling just as brightly, and despite his preoccupations, Roman’s heart would always lift at that smile.

    “You’re home!” Patton said excitedly, eagerly rushing up to Roman but stopping just an inch from him. They smiled sheepishly, raising their painted hands. “Guess I shouldn’t touch you, huh?”

    Roman smiled. “My clothes- and cheeks- are washable.”

    Patton let out a happy squeak, immediately squishing Roman’s cheeks between their hands and kissing him. “I missed you.” Patton said in between a second kiss. “Missed your sweetness and prettiness and handsomeness and loveliness and-”

    “Shhh, love bug, or I’m going to die before you get to see my surprise.” Roman whined, leaning his forehead against Patton’s, trying to keep them from kissing him again and completely stealing his voice.

    “There is no greater surprise than that of waking up every morning to find you once more beside me.” Patton said, hands slipping away from Roman’s cheeks to loop around his back instead, holding him close. “I am certain a vision such as yourself should have vanished by now.”

    Roman’s cheeks quickly turned a shade of red bright enough to rival the dash of red Patton had smeared on their cheeks. “For an angel, dearheart, you are being very impish.”

    “That’s. Because. I. Love. You!” Patton said, covering Roman’s face in kisses to punctuate every word. They giggled when Roman made a strangled noise at the affection, clearly satisfied at having broken their partner.

    “Take your surprise before I melt into a puddle.” Roman managed to say after a moment, pulling back slightly from Patton and moving the hand he had hidden behind his back in front of him to reveal the bouquet to Patton.

    Patton’s eyes lit up at the sight of the flowers, shining so radiantly Roman was surprised the glare didn’t catch on their glasses. They gratefully accepted the flowers, smelling them before looking up at Roman once more, still smiling. “They’re so pretty!” They commented excitedly.

    “Just like you, sweetheart.” Roman said easily, relaxedly, watching as Patton’s cheeks blushed red immediately.

    “Now look at who’s making who melt.” Patton accused, holding the flowers up in a useless attempt to hide their blush.

    “I am simply telling you the truth.” Roman defended, grinning as he pulled the flowers down and returned the favor of covering Patton’s face in kisses (though he was careful to not kiss the still drying paint).

    Patton giggled, allowing themself to be drowned in Roman’s affections for a moment before they pulled back. “I need to put these in water.” They said hastily, quickly rushing off towards the kitchen to avoid Roman grabbing their wrist and stopping them for more kisses.

    He still followed them however, coming to a stop in the kitchen doorway and leaning against it as he watched Patton bustle about, pulling out a nice vase and filling it with water before working to free the flowers of their plastic sheath. He sighed as he crossed his arms, happy to watch Patton work. Their golden hair had been pulled into a ponytail, to avoid getting paint in it, but it was still stained with blues and pinks. They slid about the kitchen in mismatched kitten socks as they cheerily completed their task.

    It was all simple things that he noticed, Roman supposed, noticing how Patton’s hair was put up or how they moved or the fact that the back of their right arm had clearly been purposefully smeared with a gradient of colours from purple to pink that blended into lines of grey-purple-white-pink beside it. But he liked the simple things. He loved noticing them. He loved noticing everything about Patton.

    The vase full, Patton moved it to their table, Roman switching from the kitchen doorway to the one that separated kitchen and dining room, once more leaning on it as he watched Patton place the vase and drop the flowers in. Immediately after dropping them, Patton pulled two back out- one gaillardia and one freesia. Roman smiled as they immediately went to work at tucking them behind their ears.

    Roman had seen that coming- he always picked brightly coloured flowers for a reason. Patton loved the colours, would slowly pick through the entire bouquet, decorating their hair with one of each flower until there were no more and Roman was out to buy more. It was his favorite part about buying flowers for Patton- the sweetness and closeness of the traditionally romantic gesture was just an extra benefit-

    He was weird. He was being so romantic, too… it doesn’t make sense.

    Roman closed his eyes, grimacing at the memory as he pressed his head against the doorway. He really hoped that mental link wouldn’t last long. Because it was stupid, really, completely stupid, stupid stupid stupid.

    He looked at Patton again. Patton. His partner. His beautiful lovely gorgeous amazing partner, who he loved with more than all of his heart, who he loved to kiss and hold and shower in affection, who he had a perfectly sensical relationship with regardless of the fact that it was filled with romantic actions but no actual romance because romantic attraction was for suckers anyways-

    “Honey?”

    Roman blinked, surprised to suddenly find that Patton was in front of him, frowning softly and watching Roman with concern. He plastered on a smile. “Yes, sweet pea?”

    Patton tilted their head to the side, raising one hand to cup Roman’s cheek. “You’re distracted. Something’s wrong.” Patton commented. “What’s wrong, darling?”

    Roman’s smile softened at Patton’s worry, and he placed his hands on Patton’s shoulders reassuringly. “I’m alright, sunshine. Nothing’s wrong.”

    “You’re lying.” Patton said, frown deepening. “Something happened while you were out. Did someone say something to you?”

    Roman chuckled drily. “You’re too good at guessing games.”

    “What did they say?” Patton pressed, ignoring the weak joke.

    “Nothing important.”

    “It’s bothering you. It’s important.”

    “Just something stupid- an offhanded comment, nothing more, it’s really not anything to worry about, love-”

    Patton’s second hand came up to cup Roman’s other cheek, shutting him up and forcing his attention on Patton. “Tell me.” Patton begged. “Please, baby, tell me.”

    Roman tried to resist for a moment, really not wanting to burden Patton with anything, but his partner was very convincing, especially when they were using not only puppy eyes but worried puppy eyes on him, and soon enough he gave in with a sigh and, “Just a side comment at the flower shop- was just paying a woman some compliments when I had to tell her I don’t date- she called it- me- weird, said it didn’t make sense… it’s not like I haven’t heard it before, I just-”

    “I’m going to fight her.”

    “Dearest-”

    “I’m going to fight her so hard she won’t even-” Patton glared at the ground, their face looking adorably angry, before they looked back at Roman, expression now a mix of anger (directed elsewhere) and sympathy (directed just at Roman). “I’m so sorry, honey, you shouldn’t have had to deal with that.”

    “It’s nothing, really, Patton, I can deal with it-”

    “But you shouldn’t have to!” Patton exclaimed vehemently. “You were just trying to be nice and she was being rude and wrong. You’re not weird, you’re beautiful and kind and sweet and fun and absolutely lovely.”

    Roman smiled softly. “Thank you-”

    “And of course we don’t make sense!” Patton continued, on a roll and unwilling to stop. “No couples make sense! People say they do, but they don’t! Romance is weird! Relationships are weird! People are weird! None of us make sense! At all! It’s stupid to expect us to! It’s stupid that you had to deal with today, and that you’ll probably have to deal with it later!”

    Patton pushed themself even closer to Roman, pressing their forehead against his as they stared into his eyes. “What we have is beautiful and rich and wonderful and unique, and I love it and I love you and I wouldn’t ever trade it for something as boring as something that ‘makes sense.’”

    Roman’s smile grew at that, completely genuine, and he pressed his eyes closed for a moment to chase away the few tears that were trying to escape. “I love you.”

    Patton smiled as they tilted their head, moving so they could pull Roman into a sweet kiss. Roman’s arms moved so that he could embrace Patton while they kissed, and Patton willingly obliged him by stepping forward so that they were almost completely pressed up against him.

    Eventually, Patton pulled away, still smiley. “You’ve got paint all over your face, you know.” They said, already starting to giggle. “Makes you look adorable.”

    “You’re adorable too.” Roman returned. “But you don’t need the paint for that.”

    Patton laughed at that, a light and soft and pretty sound that made Roman want to kiss them forever. He knew he couldn’t get away with forever, to his greatest disappointment, but he did manage to get in another full minute of just covering Patton’s face in little kisses, fast little pecks that only made Patton laugh and blush more, both which were factors that only increased Roman’s need to kiss them.

    Finally, however, Patton pushed Roman away, still grinning even as they lightly scolded, “That’s enough out of you. We’re not going to get anything done if I let you keep kissing me forever.”

    “Oh, who cares about doing things?” Roman asked teasingly, trying to steal another kiss only to have Patton dodge him. “I’d be happy to kiss you til I couldn’t.”

    “I know you would.” Patton said, moving their hands to hold Roman’s arms as they leaned even further backwards. “Which is why I really have to be the one to stop this or we’ll be here until you fall over and I’m left to nurse you back to health.”

    “That sounds wonderful to me.”

    Patton shook their head. “You’re reckless in the pursuit of love.” They said.

    “No, I’m not.” Roman argued. “I am reckless in the pursuit of you. You just happen to be my love, and my heart, and my sunshine, and my whole entire world-”

    “This is what I mean by unique!” Patton said happily. “Sometimes love is the universe falling for the sun.”

    Roman blushed. “Oh, that’s not fair.”

    “I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not.” Patton told him. “I can try and make it up to you, though.”

    “Hmm? How so?”

    “With food and entertainment and cuddles and if you’re very lucky I might even give you kissing rights back.”

    “I like the sound of that.” Roman admitted. “What are we watching?”

    Patton hummed. “Up to you. We could watch Moana, or some Masterchef Junior if you’re looking for something quicker.”

    “I like the sound of both.” Roman admitted, smiling at Patton. “Can I have both?”

    Patton smiled back. “Yes, but only because you’re so charming.”

    “I’ll take it.” Roman said. “What’re we eating?”

    “I was going to make pasta-”

    “Too long.” Roman cut him off with a whine. “Wanna get to cuddling.”

    Patton chuckled. “Snacks, then?”

    Roman nodded. “Yes, but only if we get them together so I don’t have to let go of you.”

    “You’re clingy.” Patton joked, but they still held onto Roman’s hand as they made their way back into the kitchen, quickly pulling a bag of chips out of the pantry and some sodas out of the fridge. “This good?”

    “If it means we can be wrapped around each other like we’ll never let go on the couch sooner, than yes.”

    Patton just laughed again and allowed Roman to tug them both over to the couch. He flopped onto it first, beckoning for Patton to follow, whining when Patton put Moana into the Blu-Ray first and set down the snacks before coming to sit down as well.

    Of course, they weren’t sitting long, Roman wrapping around them and pulling them over so that they could properly cuddle stretched out over the couch. He kicked at the blanket spread over the back of the couch, pulling it over so that it landed mostly over them. He nestled his head into the crook of Patton’s neck as Patton turned the movie on, dropping the remote and leaving it to play as they leaned back, getting closer to Roman.

    Soon enough, Patton turned their head to look at Roman’s face, smiling when they found Roman already looking at them, himself smiling softly and fondly.

    “Hey, Patton?” Roman asked, quietly.

    “Yes?”

    “You know I love you more than I have ever loved anything or anyone, right? No romo though.”

    Patton chuckled lightly, managing to bend their head just enough to press a kiss to the side of Roman’s mouth. “I know. And it’s okay. I love you just as much… and then some.”

    “Cheater.”

    “Oh, hush. I’m your cheater, and you know you love me.”

    Roman grinned. “Yes I do. And you know what?”

    He bent his head so he could return a similar kiss on the edge of Patton’s lips. “Loving you? It’s the most sensible thing in the world.”