#but tigers are literally so pretty i fuckin love them

[sweetronancer]

PERCY!!!! what're your favorite animals? :33

theyre all my favorite!!! /hsrs

i really like river otters, i think theyre really silly and stuff!! i also like polar bears too because theyre literally me. i also like alligators because theyre absolute like giants and theyre so cool and i dont know if like every dinosaur would count as an animal right now so!!

i also think sharks are really cool, also horses.. and eagles. really like i said all animals are my favorite?? theyre all super cool and stuff imo😭😭

oh but big cats are >>>!!! i love tigers and lions and if we're including extinct big cats, saber tooth tigers are really intriguing to me!!

[lovebvni]

what motivates me to shift?

thank u @morganshifts for the lovely idea!

so… there are a lot of things that motivate my to keep going in my shifting journey. this is a post i have made before (i’m pretty sure it was an ask) but i kinda wanna update it now, because there r more things!!

i hope this inspires u guys to keep going :)

having a regular job!

i was never allowed to have a regular job in high school :( it’s something i have really wanted to experience. i grew up very privileged, which made me upset in ways. am i grateful i have money, and i don’t struggle much, but i want to be ‘normal’ in a way. i’ve always wanted to be a barista too! i think it will be really fun!

2. friends :,)

let me preface by saying this — I DO HAVE FRIENDS AND THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY LOVELY <3 but i have never had constant friends.

growing up privileged, for me at least, meant always moving schools (primarily because of the divorce) and i have been in and out of private and public schools. i’ve never had constant friends. i want to! but i cannot here, or i haven’t.

literally my main dr is shifting back to high school to live with friends and shit bc i want to experience that

3. not being pushed into a box

wow i’m realizing how sad this sounds, but yeah! i won’t have to be forced to be someone i’m not, and i get to move at my own pace!

4. SLEEPOVERS!!

holy fucknuts, i have never had a sleepover with my friends at their houses (only once at my house in elementary school…) my parents will let me sleep over my friends houses :) like for days at a time! i just have to update them, obviously.

5. doing normal things!

going grocery shopping, to the mall, learning to cook! i’m so excited to do this bro u don’t even understand!!

6. being the center of attention (💀💀)

i’m an attention whore (TO AN EXTENT!) so my main dr, where i’m in high school, i am also a celebrity (music artist and actor) and i have celebrity friends!!! they r people i’ve looked up to for a long time, so it excites me a lot

7. HAVING EXOTIC ANIMALS!!!

dude i have 2 dogs, 2 cats, 3 TARANTULAS!, a boa constrictor and 2 white tigers (they r in a zoo but we technically own them!)

dude u don’t understand how much i love animals and how ive always wanted soooo many! my parents wouldn’t let me, as my first pets were going to be chinchillas before covid, so i have two little dogs here! in my dr i have 1 little/medium dog (a pomski) and 2 big dogs (one is a german shepard btw, bc they r so pretty ; the other is a husky — as i have wanted one since i was like… 5)

8. last one i’m doing; BEING QUOTABLE

i say the most insane things, but finally i’ll be able to get my sayings out there! i know im not always the first one to say it, but at least it will b funny for the most part!

i mean imagine a tiktok to your voice saying “shoulda, woulda, coulda? but fuckin’ didn’t!” LIKE? HOW FUN WOULD THAT BE

or people making cool ass transition videos to ur songs!! AUGH being so inspirational!! being able to keep ppl on their feet AUGHHH OK

that’s it! i may update this or do a part 2, but for now that’s all ill say, bc they r very simple and things like everyone will do 😭😭

but that’s it! love u all! trying to post more, so send in asks!

[gonnamurdersomeone]

CoD people as cats? I think so here we go!

Someone better appreciate this I literally took 3 pages from my fucking notebook to write all this shit down

Captain John “Bravo-6” Price

I think John would definitely be an Oriental cat if not that then probably a Burmese. Smart, quick on his feet and pretty loyal seems about right.

Lieutenant Simon “Ghost” Riley

I think Simon would be a Norwegian forest cat or a British Short hair.. for obvious reasons dude is a fuckin Brit through and through. I chose NFC becuase they are bigger types of cats and used to harsh climates

Sergeant Kyle “Gaz” Garrick

For Gaz I chose an Abyssinian cat, they are pretty, usually have pretty eyes (like him) and are pretty smart and playful. Very Gaz coded

Sergeant Johnny “Soap” MacTavish

Johnny boy would be a Scottish Fold or a Siamese cat. They are very vocal, love people and are just a joy to be around honestly. Plus they suffer from pretty boy syndrome so… yeah

Sergeant Gary “Roach” Sanderson

Gary my baby boy, I chose an OciCat cause of his name it’s so random? I thought him being a more exotic and weird cat would fit his aesthetic. Very pretty cats too!

General Hershel Shepherd

Fucking hell I hate this dude and for that I gave him a Sphynx cat, they are mean, bald and bossy as fuck. Sound about right for mister Shepherd no?

I want to kill him

Kate “Watcher-1” Laswell

Kate one of my favorites! She would definitely be an American Curl. Very pretty cats with a unique personality and it just fits her. That or a Bombay cat I couldn’t choose

Nikolai “Gaz fell out of the helicopter again”

Nik our lovable transportation buddy, of course he would get a Russian blue there is no need to elaborate here he would be a Russian blue. Very cool cats ngl

Farah “Kilo Actual” Karim

She is so pretty and such a girl boss istg. But I’m giving the Bengal cat or an Ural Rex very curly hair and just very funny kitties, I think it fits her

Alex “Echo 3-1” Keller (Jr Price fr)

Pretty boy gets a pretty cat!!! He gets to be a Manx cat cause of the no tail (and his one leg) nahh jokes aside very pretty kitties for a very pretty boy

Phillip “Shadow-1” Graves

I hate this dude with all my atoms but he’s tolerable compared to Shepherd.. But I gave Graved an American shorthair. One becuase he’s American and two his hairline makes me wanna cry

Vladimir Makarov

I hate you so so much for what you did in MW3… but you are a character so I’m still giving you a cat. If you were a cat my guy I think you’d be an Peterbald or a Karelian cat

Andre “Alpha 2-1” Nolan

Surprisingly not a bad character imo but he could use some more character development! I’m giving him a Korat cat or a Singapura. I wish he got more development in MW3 honestly :/

Alejandro Vargas

Alejandro! Our favorite Mexican man gotta love him and the cowboys. He’s a petty boy as well so I’m giving him a pretty chill and cool cat as well. A color point shorthair, not necessarily a *breed* per day but still he deserves a petty kitty

Rodolfo Parra

Rudy! Another cowboy we love what a gentleman <3 I’m giving him an Egyptian Mau kitty, it has spots and I think Rudy would be a spotted kitty. Very good boy

Valeria “El-Sin-Nombre” Garza

Mommy issues fr love this women. I support women rights AND wrongs 💪 she gets a Donskoy or a Savannah cat. Both wild kitties to match her wild and unpredictable personality I think it fits very well

König

Anxious King gotta love them! For obvious reasons he’s a Maine Coon cat, the biggest house cat there is. For being an absolute UNIT of a man he deserves a very loyal, pretty, and big kitty. God I just wanna smother this man

Kim “Horangi” Hong-jin

Toyger need I say more? It’s a literal house tiger, his name is fucking Tiger he gets to be the tiger damnit! 😤

Darnell “Hutch” Hutcherson

Dunno the rest of these guys very well (besides Nikto) but I’m giving Hutch a Chartreux cat. I wish the more obscure characters got more attention, no they may not be apart of the MW part but still they deserve love

Nikto

I love this man with every fucking atom of my body. My baby boy deserves the best cat in my opinion the Lykoi. Very cool, funny and amazing cats one of the best he’s just a goober I wanna pet him and keep him in my closet away from all the bad things

Mace

Mace heard some things about you here and there and decided I couldn’t leave you behind. You my friend would be an Oriental Longhair dunno why but I think it suits him

Velikan

Idk if this man is even part of the fandom? Either way I’m giving you a cat deal with it. You would be an Highlander cat if not then an Tonkinese kitty.

Keegan P Russ

Oh Keegan my dear boy, you would be a Devon Rex kitty, very smart, mischievous and overall just a joyful cat. You deserve the world my dear

Logan Walker

Ragdoll. You will get a ragdoll take it or leave or my guy. Just know I’m only adding you and everyone else because of Keegan

David “Hesh” walker

Hhhh.. hesh dude idk I’d probably give you a Havanah Brown kitty. Seems like a good fit. Unusual brown kitty for a unusual cool character

Elias T “Scarecrow” Walker

I literally know nothing about you? But I’m still giving you a cat! Uh I think possibly a Javanese cat would fit you my dude.

Alex v “Ajax” Johnson

Same with you like? I have never heard about you either but whatever. I think a Australian Mist or a Khao Manee cat would work

Alright so that’s all the CoD characters I think? I’m not sure if I missed anyone, if I did tell me and I’ll assign them in the comments or whatever.

No I’m not adding the other characters such as Diego or any other unknown Ghost team people or random background people that only have like 2 lines of dialogue or is barely even known within the CoD community.

[iceaxeflynn]

SPOILERS FOR PA:AA—T&T RECIPE FOR TURNABOUT

I was playing through PA:AA Trials and Tribulations, and I just realized that no one talks about Recipe for Turnabout.

Why? How can no one in this fandom not go bat shit insane for Phony Phoenix? I mean look at this man

He’s bat chit insane. The madlad is literally an anti-Phoenix. He calls himself the Tiger. He growls at the jury. He’s so scary the Judge hides under his desk.

HE MAKES A FAKE ATTORNEY BADGE OUT OF CARDBOARD AND PRETENDS TO BE PHOENIX IN!!! COURT!!!!!!

AND NOBODY SAYS ANYTHING!

Gumshoe, the Judge, Maggey, AND EVEN MAYA don’t register that its NOT PHOENIX.

He’s constantly screaming. He’s growling. He tells Phoenix that for every dumb question he asks he’s gonna sue him $50,000.

HE’S BRIGHT. FUCKING. RED.

I refuse to acgnowledge this Furio Tigre erasure. That case was a fucking wild ride. That man impersonated the most popular defense attorney and almost got away with it, and it was heavily implied that he was dating the granddaughter of the

HEAD OF THE GODDAMN MAFIA.

Did I mention he roars like a tiger? I don’t think you understand. This man has AUDIO DIALOGUE THAT PLAYS EVERY TIME HE ROARS. EVEN PHOENIX HIDES UNDER HIS DESK FROM HIM.

LOOK AT THAT SUIT!!!!

And then lets step away from fuckin Tiger Phoenix for a minute.

We ALSO learn that Gumshoe is SUPER SOFT for Maggey Bryde. She gets arrested for supposedly being the murderer, and Gumshoe is in HYSTERICS. He runs around like a lost puppy doing everything he can to get Maggey out with the same if not more panic than he had when Edgeworth was arrested. AND ITS SO??? WHOLESOME?????

Like he’s SO CUTE TOO. He makes Maggey lunches, because he notices she’s been loosing weight and doesn’t want her to be unhealthy. When he understands that Maggey is mad at him because of a misunderstanding, he avoids her because she says she doesn’t want to see him, and he doesn’t want to push himself onto her.

HE’S SUCH A GENTLEMAN?? WHY DO I NOT SEE MORE MAGGEY AND GUMSHOE SHIP ART.

Not only that, but they have PERFECT ENERGY TOGETHER. They’re both like energetic dogs you can rely on. They’re excited, and they’re here to do their best. They can do no wrong.

Also, Gumshoe and Maggey LOVE the same foods and it’s adorable. You can’t change my mind; straight ships can be adorable too I’m literally a gay man call me homophobic I dare you.

ALSO JUST?? THE OTHER CHARACTERS AS WELL?????

First up we’ve got who I like to call

Grandpa Seedman (A.K.A. Victor Kudo)

What a man. What a madlad. He makes me want to dump him in a fucking silo of birdseed.

Why is he here? Why does he have all that birdseed? Why can’t he calm down and stop throwing it for five seconds? If I had to guess what Wendy Oldbag’s ex-husband would be like, this is exactly who I think it would be. They’re both insufferable to no end. Let me throw them outa window.

Then we got Monsieur Essential Oils (A.K.A. Jean Armstrong)

What In The Royal Fuck. Where are these roses coming from. Why does his restaurant look like a Hello Kitty Lolita Cafe. He’s also half a million dollars in debt. I would ask why but if you took one look in hid goddamn restaurant you would understand why. Also literally everyone in the game thinks his food is shit.

Please sir. Please you’re so gay it hurts. He’s literally April May but a guy. Actively flirts with Gotot which is pretty funny so you get some extra points.

Wednesday Addams (A.K.A. Viola Cadaverini)

So little miss is the granddaughter of a fucking MOB BOSS and she is literally true crime. Constantly mutters about offering you tea. Would be a nice gesture if the murder in this case WASNT CAUSED BY SOMEONE BEING POISONED THROUGH A DRINK also the fact that the MURDERER IS HER BOSS

She’s actually pretty chill, despite how off-putting she is. Would love to listen to true crime and watch the Twilight Zone with her. She deserves better.

THIS MOTHERFUCKER

HOW THE FUCK DID NO ONE NOTICE IT WASNT PHOENIX THE BITCH IS LITERALLY BRIGHT FUCKING RED

He also rides a teeny fuckin scooter thats like neon pink and blue which is so goddamn funny to me especially considering the fact that that tiny ass scooter caused a massive crash which he walked away from unscathed but the DRIVER was sent to the EMERGENCY ROOM and had A MILLION DOLLARS worth of surgery done.

This man can fight god and win the only reason he didn’t get away with the murder is because bitch straight up went “haha Phoenix Wright you dumb bitch thats not the poison bottle I used get your facts straight” and Godot has a fucking ANEURISM because all of these witnesses are SO FUCKING STUPID

Godot was the real victim here holy shit this fucking case was the most bat shit insane stuff how the FUCK did no one talk more about this PLEASE

TL;DR Give Recipe For Turnabout more love. It’s the most unhinged shit on the planet.

[chaisshitposts]

thanks for reminding me i can manifest them to be chill- i way too used to my strict parents lmao

THE JOJO REFERENCES GOES HARD FR

i haven't catched up with hxh manga but i did finish the anime and basically killua split up to protect alluka and gon wanted to meet his father so they technically couldn't stay together, there's a possibility that they won't appear in the manga again :((

don't blame me😭 the first thing i saw about kny was that episode and nezuko (there was so many nezuko edits oml), but first episode was like a 50/50 for me?? i'm pretty sure it's because i used to watch like really dark magical girls animes when i was younger and my cousins always made me watch the final destination series with them🧍🏻

OML TOJI I REMEMBER READING THE MANGA AND WANTING HIM AND MEGUMI TO MEET SDCNKSDJFBS and yuta is the literal definition of looking like a cinnamon roll but can actually kill you

I DON'T BLAME YOU ABOUT THE PROMISED NEVERLAND CUz Isabella's jumpscare in the first episode was😭😭🖐🏻 and yES PLS GIVE BUNGO STAY DOGS A CHANCE!

KATEKYO HITMAN REBORN?? I HAVEN'T WATCHED IT YET BUT MY COUSIN WATCHES IT A LOT

there's something so scrumptiously delicious about main characters who are weak but are actually strong and just humbles the people who underestimates them, like, sLAY

my sister recommended me mashle! it's on to watch list since i'm planning on binge watching animes in my waiting room and PLS TELL ME THAT ZOM 100 IS FINALLY COMPLETED, I'VE BEEN WANTING TO BINGE WATCH IT SINCE LIKE LAST LAST MONTH

i'm currently watching the apothecary diaries! It's so refreshing because the female lead is so smart and pragmatic, like she doesn't give a sht about the male lead and just loves medicine and poison tasting so much😫 the only thing i dislike is how she's being forced to be the male lead's partner but the plot is still good heheh

🐧anon

no problemo 🕵️ gotta help the homies out. everything in life is a jojo reference, even jesus.

oml nO wait I watched the whole HXH manga and know they split up I was just acting delusional 😭 and uGh I hope the manga gets finished one day... The creator has bad health-- wait a damn minute I can just manifest his health back wtf am I sayin' 🧐

PFFFTTT what a wild read— and oh god no don't even talk about final destination to me, I cannot drive on the freeway normally sometimes bc of that shit, everytime I see a truck with like oversized loads (especially the fuckers with the big ass steel poles on the back of them) I always get chills, even though I know nothing is gonna happen to me cause I said so 🧍

toji didn't even remember he had son.... deadbeat dad type beat. yuta and rika deserve better ngl

isabella and that other maid... they are nightmare fuel. and yes!!!!!! I will absolutely give it another chance for the adorable tiger boy with the fruity little haircut!!! bingeing anime in yer waitin' room??? bruh that's literally so big brain wtf I low-key wanna shift to all my favorite animes one of these days 🕵️ but I have this underlying worry about the version of myself being left behind to do my dirty work lmfao

also- katekyo hitman reborn! is super good, but I will say that I have been rewatchin' it for a sense of nostalgia on and off whenever I have time and god the first like--- 20 episodes are fuckin' cringe but the main character's awakenin' is satisfying 😭 he's like the og deku

I have no idea if all the eps have been posted for zom 100 !!!! I will check for you today if I remember--- I haven't had time to check after watching like the first three episodes on crunchyroll—

OooOo an anime with a strong female lead!?!?! I would absolutely eat that shit up oml gobble gobble gobble— ew that plot sounds cringey. man, I really want an anime with a stoic, underestimated female lead whos like majorly asexual... wait 🧍 hold on, I basically just described saiki k... I NEED A FULL THIRD SEASON OF THE DISASTROUS LIFE OF SAIKI K.

[asymmetryestablished]

~Fic Introduction Post~ #6

time to talk ZoSan? let’s talk ZoSan. three fics to discuss today, all three of them rated Explicit, so this is firmly a no-minors-allowed fic introduction post

fic 1: don't ask me who's driving.

in my notes on the original draft I believe I referred to this as a ‘contextless limo blowjob’. I was very much grabbed by a very specific mental image so I wrote it down. wasn’t the first time, won’t be the last, it makes for excellent fanfics.

the super fun spicy part of this fic is that Sanji is the dominant one for once! because while I adore submissive Sanji (so so so much), I think it’s very important to the ZoSan dynamic that Zolo also gets a chance to be subby sometimes. even if it is with the approximate attitude of a whole adult tiger daring you to try and scold it. which it is.

I’m proud of this fic from top to bottom. I wouldn’t necessarily rank it in my top five, but it’s solidly good quality from start to finish, and there are some excellent lines in there too.

it’s short (1.4k) and sweet, so if you love a good throatfuck & gratuitously thirsty descriptions of Sanji, give it a read!

fic 2: Two Masochists Attempt Wound Aftercare.

I watched one of the super early OP movies (I think it’s literally the second one?) purely to watch that one Sanji fight with the unnecessarily good animation. came out of it thinking, wow, that was really just 50 minutes of Sanji foot whump, huh. couple days later I stepped on a nail and wrote this fic.

do I have a ~Thing™~ about feet? no. do I have a ~Thing™~ about Sanji’s feet? ...maybe.

(I definitely have a thing about ZoSan foot worship. but that’s not a foot thing, that’s a weapons thing. anyway.)

this fic is 2.7k of foot care, wound-bandaging, and discussions of masochism. heavy on the banter and ZS friendship, with a generous dash of comedy. if you hate it when Zolo and Sanji get along with each other, then I’m afraid this fic isn’t for you, but if you like it when they’re friends, good news! so do I ^_^

fic 3: Just This Once.

🚨 FILTH ALERT 🚨

this is just under 1k words of excessively horny smut! feat. Sanji Whore Behaviour™, consensually cuckolded Zolo, casual exhibitionism, and more, plus dirty talk x1000 bonus. let’s fuckin’ go.

(basically, if you’re an AllSan shipper like me & think it’d be hot as hell if Sanji hooked up with a hot stranger and immediately went home to pester Zolo for round two... you’ll want to read this fic. trust me.)

in summary:

I love ZoSan. I also write ZoSan! do you love ZoSan? you should read mine. I think it’s pretty fun. also I have like 100 unfinished ZoSan fics lying around and the more attention I get for my existing ZoSan, the more motivated I am to write more of it. just saying.

[tsuki-sennin]

Hashire sori yo! Kaze no you ni! Tsukimihara wo! Padoru, padoru!

Yes! It's Christmas time in the world of the Donbrothers! Our festival goes on and on! Through even the harshest snow and wildest winds! Hahahahah! Everybody's invited to come spend the holidays with us!

It's kinda hard to imagine this show ending soon, huh? There's one thing for sure, I don't think I'd ever forget Donbrothers for as long as I live. I sure hope them KingOhgers get to have as much fun as possible in the new season.

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy... Everybody~! Happy Holidays~! If you have a problem with Happy Holidays, then Happy Shut The Fuck Up.

-The ultimate friendship. Dog, Condor, and Shark!

-Christmaaaas!

-Imagine waking up in the middle of the night and seeing Sonoi in your house.

-Ohhhhh, new Alter Forms?

-Nice, literally the week before Christmas.

-Oh, okay, just jumping right into it!

-No "as for how this happened", eh?

-Boyfriends going at it long into the sunset.

-Tomorrow! It's a date!

-These assholes are just too evenly matched, huh?

-It's okay lads, you take that nap.

-Ah, a real date!

-Hello, Don Kaito. I'm seriously wondering if an equivalent to you is gonna show up in Kingohger too, but I think I'd literally go insane if you did.

-Haruka, Sonoi is absolutely going to confess, tf you talking about?

-Oh Shinichi! You fuckin' scrub!

-Donbura Street Kids: Believe In Santa

-Ooooop

-Looks like they caught you.

-Y'know, as much as the Noto look down on humanity, they seem to really love things we do

-Santa Confirmer.

-Teach us about Santa!

-Yeah, you guys coulda just asked! We'd understand!

-Did we ever meet Santa?

-Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.

-Momoi Tarou, certified Santa Believer.

-Uhhhhh right, Mall Santa, uhhhh smth smth "YOU LIED TO ME PHIL"

-Awwwww, Tarou

-Haruka, you fight manifestations of human desires every week as a bright yellow oni alongside two CGI abominations, a monkey man, a rampaging tiger man and his dragon alter, and Momoi Tarou, surely you do believe in Santa.

-Don Kaito knows Santa.

-He was friends with him!

-HITOTSU-KI

-DON KAITO

-Wow, what a bastard he became

-...what even are you?

-It's him.

-That very same thief Tarou met.

-Good Egg.

-Man... even Santa's life sucks in the 21st century.

-Video Games!

-

-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

-Yeah, put him in jail.

-Good job, idiot.

-You became the fuckin' Buddha.

-Yeah, you go home kid, get the hell outta here.

-Haruka, Shinichi, I love you both, but Jesus Christ

-Aiya! Aiya!

-Apprentices!

-oh my god

-Tarou's disappointment is insanely noticeable.

-Eeeee, tiny little Trigger Machines, that's so cute!

-Endurance. And a smile.

-"Saru Brother, that over the shoulder carry was pitiful!"

-They're training!

...Sononi, I ain't complaining at all, but goddamn you're wearing those shorts at the tail end of December? ...I mean global warming has been pretty bad to be fair...

-As expected, Sonoza's in pain, Sononi's form is terrible, and Sonoi's completely dusting them both.

-Smiles :)

-SONOZA NIHJKHK

-Hikari... Hikari-ki?

-Yeah sure, I'd buy that.

-Oh hey Jirou

-Tsubasa, hello!

-American Ninja! Jiraiya once fought a centipede Santa, you know.

-Murasame, let's go!

-Hot damn, Tsubasa! You're workin' it!

-32 Points!

-Santa lives another day.

-MURASAME-KUN

-Christmas Eve!

-Hot damn, they believe in Santa!

-Merry Christmaaaaas~!

-See that's how ya smile :)

-This lad is so strong.

-Oh fuck, full team!

-Poor Murasame-kun

-Ah, here's Santa-san.

-Tarou...

-The world needs Santa.

-Yeah, getting your ass kicked like that would make you change your mind, huh?

-Back on the sleigh!

-:)

-Good boy Tarou :)

-Christmas with Crane Lady!

-Shinichi :)

-Tsubasa-san and Murasame-kun :)

-Jirou :)

-Even Haruka-san :)

-What a nice little holiday adventure

-Sh

-Shinichi what

-WHAT

-WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING

-Ahhhh, next episode is definitely the Himitsu-ki.

-Seems kinda odd to have that now but ok

-I'll roll with it.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #009

“... but no one can break my heart like i can”

Anything you’re looking forward to this month? Ugh, no. Literally nothing. I want summer to be OVER. I'll only accept a pause for a brief period in August for Ryder's birthday. Have you or would you ever forage for mushrooms? Bitch fuck yes let's go be fairies What’s something you dislike about spring time? The fucking heat. As well as all the pollen. What’s your favorite lollipop flavor? Probably strawberry. Are you into gardening and what do you enjoy planting? No, it's really not my thing. I'm just not into getting hot and sweaty outside, for anything. What’s some flowers you find to be pretty? Oh god, tons. Flowers are literally the only thing that keep me from loathing spring. I love dahlias, hydrangeas, tiger lilies, roses, poppies, tulips... I really, really could go on forever. Would you say you’re easy to get along with? Yeah, I think so. Who did you last hold hands with? Girt. Do you name your plants? N/A Do you like to dip your fries in a frosty or ice cream? I've actually never seen the appeal of doing that??? Do you prefer staying in cuddled up or going out for a date? The former more than the latter, but I think diversity keeps it fun. Have you ever stargazed with someone? Well, that wasn't actively what we were doing, but considering we weren't doing anything else on the trampoline but lying there looking up... I guess we were. I miss nights in the woods. If you were royalty, what would you like to be addressed as? I'd have to think, which I don't feel like doing. As my life goes. Are there any things coming up that you have to travel for? No. What relative are you closest with? My mom. What last had you startled? Oh jeez. I can't think of anything since at Girt's place when he honestly understandably got defensive about something with his family. I was just really, really shocked (and triggered) to hear his voice go up even so slightly and become firm. My terrified-of-men ass ended up outside crying, which was embarrassing because the man didn't do anything close to yelling. Putting myself in his shoes, I probably would have snapped too, because he was just tired of the topic. We talked outside and i was fine after a while, I just. Really, really have to learn that anger is not an evil emotion and people are allowed to non-harmfully express it. Just as soon as that emotion is in a man's hands, I fuckin emotionally bolt. Girt's mom literally like watched it happen in my eyes, according to Mom when they also talked. As soon as his voice went up a single decibal above what was normal, she saw it. I grabbed and stroked Girt's arm to let him know I was there while at the same time I was thousands of miles away. What emotion have you experienced most lately? Oh, jeez. There's love, confusion, uncertainty, self-doubt, etc. Love has probably been the strongest. Let’s say there are no obstacles preventing this... What would you do for the rest of your life? If there truly are no obstacles, then I'd probably build up to a life with a shitload of well-provided for pets of all different sorts. What’s an odd phobia someone you know has? Idk, I'm the one with the weird phobia. Do you have any ghost stories you’ve experienced? Two very confident ones, but I just don't feel like explaining them all again. Recommend me something you’ve been into recently. I think i have made it ABUNDANTLY obvious lately that Rammstein has fully and entirely devoured my life lmao Do you like sushi? I refuse to try it. What’s something you’ve been putting off? Eeeek dusting my room. I have a lot of stuffed animals and knick-knacks I have to move around and then put back in the right places in order to properly dust, and I just hate doing it. What is one annoyance you’ve had today? I'm very, very drowsy. What’s one of your favorite videos? HAHA so in a recent survey I mentioned "comfort" videos of mine that I like to watch to make me smile and i was literally referring to my relationship with Rammstein's "Zick Zack" music video lmaooo, actual life goal is to become that one grandma w/ the walker and 69 jersey, actual queen. Who is your favorite person to spend time with? Girt, easy. Have you ever gotten into a physical altercation and lost? I've never been in a physical fight. Did you have your own bedroom growing up? No; my younger sister Nicole and I shared a room. Do you try to carry all of your groceries in at once to avoid another trip? No, because that is literally oathing me into falling as soon as I try to step over/onto anything. Getting into our actual house is a very painful step upwards for me and my legs, the last thing I need is to be weighed down by too many groceries. Would you ever or have you gone golfing? (mini golf counts) Mini-golf is fun; I have no desire to go legit golfing. Hell, I don't want to even mini-golf right now; it involves too much bending and such and my knees just couldn't handle it. How about bowling? I'd totally go bowling, it's fun. Do you enjoy decorating your home for any occasion? Ack, it sucks, I love LOOKING at holiday decor, especially Halloween and Christmas stuff, but I'll be damned if I like putting it up. What’s your favorite color in the rainbow? Mmmm maybe indigo. Or red, idk. Do you tend to stumble over your words when you’re nervous? Bitch what you mean I do that already when I'm NOT nervous Are you a fan of Ozzy Osborne? Me? No way, never. Never willingly listened to the guy once in my life. Have you ever caught Covid-19, or any of the variants? I have not. I took a test when I had that awful cold, and it was negative. What color was the blanket that you last covered up with? It's pink. What’s a dance move you can confidently do? None, haha. What is a name of a person who you don’t particularly like? Colleen. What is something you dread? I'm always EXTREMELY nervous stepping on the scale at doctors visits. Even now with the numbers dropping, I'm still so nervous to look at it. What’s the first flowers or trees you notice that bloom when it gets warmer? The fucking dogwood trees. Which notoriously smell like rotten fucking fish. Why it was picked as the state tree, I'd love to know. What are 3 words or phrases you use most often? "Mood," "lmao," and "deadass" or something. What type of pain pills do you use for a headache or do you just tough it out? I grab Ibuprofen. Can you remember the last time you dressed up nice for an event? Ugh... I most recently "dressed up" to get pictures taken for Mother's Day, and I sobbed because of how much I hated how hideous I looked. It took everything to not just cry and cry while we were actually getting them taken, because I was the one person there who just looked fucking awful. What did you last thank somebody for? Probably Mom for making dinner, idk. Are you content with your social life? I'm fine with it. It would be nice to have one face-to-face friend to hang out with besides my boyfriend, but it's not a big deal at all. What is something freeing that you’ve done recently? Nothing really comes to mind. Have you ever had edible flowers? Oh, I'm certain I've tried a flower I knew was edible as a kid, haha. No telling how far I got. Do you enjoy spicy foods? I lovvvveeee spicy food. What’s a song you’ve had on replay recently? See also: Rammstein's entire discography Have you ever slipped in the shower? I have, but caught myself. What is something you want to be remembered for? Having a big heart full of love for animals and good people. What is something besides cash/cards that you keep in your wallet? I have pictures of some of my nieces and nephews. I should mention I didn't just like, pick out of them all who I wanted a picture of, I was given some photos that fit in there. Do you like pickles? Ugh I love pickles and have actually been craving them so badly lately. Do you consider yourself to be more of a loner or outgoing? I am the textbook definition of "loner." What’s your plans for the next upcoming season? So fall? I mean, nothing that I really know of besides celebrate my anniversary with Girt. Maybe I'll try to take more nature/scenery photographs this year. Maybe do some Halloween stuff like ACTUALLY do something with a pumpkin this year. What emotion do you feel the strongest right now? Gaaaaaaah anxiety. What’s the strangest name you’ve heard someone name their child? Tbh I *try* not to name-shame because you really just don't know what led to that name being chosen, but some are definitely... out there. I remember when Blanket, Michael Jackson's son, was born, I was at a loss trying to explain THAT one. Have you ever or would you ever wear a cat ear hat? Yeah sure, especially with a costume. What is something scary you have done? Jesus, sharing a bedroom with this one woman during a psych hospital stay years ago was genuinely terrifying. I don't know exactly what her issue was, but she was EXPLOSIVE as all get-out. I mean like, throwing-furniture-around angry. She made me so uncomfortable that I eventually talked to a nurse and was moved. This poor lady at one point wound up in solitary throwing shit around (I mean LIFTING her fucking bed) and if I remember right eventually had to be given an injection to calm her down. That experience fucking sucked; for some dumb reason the solitary room was very close to the day room where we all gathered, so all we heard was her screaming and cursing at nothing. I hope she got the help she needed. Do you think fish are cute/pretty? Well yeah, of course. What’s the nastiest dish you’ve ever had? Oh I dunno. Do you or anyone you know talk or walk in their sleep? Well, I scream awful and/or hateful shit in my sleep. When my hypomanic streak ended, the nightmares snuck back in. Absolutely not to the degree they once were, at least not yet. I mostly only know I still do it because Mom points it out. I've never walked in my sleep, but my younger sister has. As a kid, she deadass RAN in her sleep, lmao. Then on one occasion when she was way older, I stopped her from wandering outside while she was asleep. She was literally trying to open the front door. THAT could have ended badly, so thank goodness I was up in the living room. Do you ever make bets on anything? No. Even if I had money, I wouldn't. I'd cherish money I earned too much. Where did you get your shirt at? I have no clue, it's just a very ordinary red tank top. How many towns have you lived in? Three. All touching. Are you currently hungry or thirsty? I actually am kinda hungry. Do you like to be hugged? Dude I LOVE hugs. Girt's mom absolutely loves how tightly I hug and it's the best thing. Do you like cranberry juice? Cranberry juice is VERY easily one of the most disgusting drinks known to man. Do you or have you ever taken lessons for anything? I took guitar lessons for a little while in high school, and then my sisters and I were all dancers for many years, starting in middle school. Nicole's second job is literally at the dance studio, as she was the most passionate dancer and is also just way too good with kids to not be a teacher there. Has something heavy ever fallen on top of you? Not that I recall, no. Do you know a lot of people who share the same name? Well, Girt and I both have an older sister named Ashley, which is WEIRD. Do you prefer minty toothpaste or something else? Minty, yes. Do you have a favorite shape? Circles. I find them satisfying. Do you own a pool? Do you enjoy swimming? We don't. I do like swimming, though. Do you like oat milk? Sigh, no. Ashley gets that now and I tried it because I hate the dairy industry, it's appalling, but I just straight-up have not liked anything that isn't real milk. Do you or anyone you know have a pet snake? I have oneeee. <3 God, I want more. I know Mazzy has snakes too, but I'm not sure if any other friends of mine have any. Do you ever donate your unworn clothing? Yes, always. Do you own anything with your country’s flag on it? What is it? HELL no. Have you ever been inside of a mansion? No, but shit man, I wish. Do you have ADD/ADHD? I've been diagnosed with ADD in the past, but it's not something that's clung on through time. My focus is actual shit and I believe there is a problem with it, though to just be real y'all I have heard so many diagnoses by now that I just don't even seek 'em out anymore. Like I would honestly love to know it I DO have high-functioning autism, but I just. Don't feel like going through everything to find out. Do you prefer chocolate chip or sugar cookies? Both are good, but I prefer chocolate chip. Would you ever get a tattoo of a cat? Yeah, sure. I would not put getting a tribute to Roman done past me after he passes on. Even then, I might just want a Halloween-ish cat, AND OH!, I was once very serious about getting a watercolor Cheshire Cat. Do you know anyone with the name Brianna? I sure do; my very first best friend was named Brianna. We haven't had contact in MANY years, though. Most certainly wish her the best in the world, though. What are your opinions on self diagnosing mental disorders? This is WAY more intricate a topic than people think. It depends on so, so much. In general I don't support it, but there are cases where I would believe somebody without a professional diagnoses. What’s something you like about the town you live in? Absolutely, positively nothing. This place sucks. Do you celebrate Halloween? What’s your favorite thing about it? Sigh, I really don't. I wish I did *something*. I just love everything about it, the whole aesthetic and vibe. What did you last draw? A rough outline of a meerkat figure. I had to stop because my tremors were so intense during that hypomanic streak that I really just was not drawing well at all. Do you ever jokingly flip people off? If I'm very close with you and know you won't think I mean it, I will. Who do you know that gives the best advice? Probably Mazzy, honestly. Do you ever go to your local library? No. Have you ever listened to Hollywood Undead? Yeah, I like 'em. Have you ever binged watched a whole show in one day? I probably have at some point. Could you go for a nap right now? No, I'm fine. What’s the weather like today? Insufferably fucking hot. I just got back from riding with Mom to feed my sister's cat, and our car's AC doesn't work, so it's miserable in the car. Do you like mushrooms? Noooooo.

[lordofchaos275]

N&J PKMN team ramble that was entirely inspired by a question asked in the September Patron Q&A.

behold: my autism in its purest form

Nerd

Bidoof: small, brown, round shape language. It's also a meme among pokemon fans that this thing is incredibly powerful

Chi-Yu: a goldfish, which Marko said would be Nerd's hypothetical pet!! I also just wouldn't be surprised if Nerd managed to befriend a creature that was literally born from envy

Durant: he's a myrmecologist.. why haven't ppl brought that up more?

Eevee (Partner): another small, brown and round creature that doubles as a starter AND a "mandatory" eeveelution pick (and by "mandatory," I just mean that I'm forcing myself to give them each one). also this eevee in particular is just fuckin RIDICULOUS

Hoothoot: Marko's personal choice, and it's a third small, brown, round creature. what makes this one different, though, is that it's also got the glasses!!

Palafin: this little guy's "Zero to Hero" ability just reminds me of Nerd's sleeper build

Jock

Aggron: dinosaur linebacker #1

Bastiodon: dinosaur linebacker #2

Machamp: Marko's personal choice.. pretty self-explanatory, honestly.

Sylveon: a representation of his big ol' heart :)

Tyranitar: dinosaur linebacker #3

Tyrantrum: dinosaur linebacker #4

Olga

Arbok: she has quite literally slithered around before.. on MULTIPLE occasions. could probably be replaced with a different snake pokemon, but I just went with this one because it's also purple.

Corviknight: it's a raven, and ravens are often associated with death. can also (allegedly) "drive terror into the heart of any foe," which I'm pretty sure Olga's also capable of doing.

Duskull: Marko's personal choice. it's no surprise that she'd have a floating skull for a pokemon

Gothitelle: I mean.. it's right there in the name.

Meowscarada: a black and green cat.. Belzebub. He may have forgotten her, but I never will. also has a bit of a squiggly mouth

Umbreon: a pretty self-explanatory pick from the eeveelution pile. it's also a black cat.. well, according to Bulbapedia, at least.

Tiger

Alcremie: represents her love for sweets. so far, the best form for her would be anything with a strawberry sweet

Arcanine: Marko's personal choice, and a pretty understandable one at that. it's a tiger-striped pokemon that's intimidating, but has also managed to "capture the hearts of people," just like Tiger!!

Drednaw: Tiger's hypothetical pet would be a turtle, and it wouldn't surprise me if it ended up being of the snapping variety..

Flareon: Arcanine, but fun-sized!! idk nothing else rlly fits

Incineroar: if you're familiar with the competitive side of pokemon, you know that Incineroar's the strongest one out there. it's a tough tiger with a soft spot (though Incineroar's is for young children and pokemon); it's the PERFECT pokemon for her!!

Toxtricity: she's a punk.. it's the punk pokemon.. you get it. if you wanna also try and match her color scheme, shiny amped form is your best bet

[simeonisalesbian]

i am literally on demon sisters brainrot because of you and i am not even mad about it haha my lesbian ass loves them 💞 can i please request some headcanons about the paws and claws event but with the demon sisters?

lesbian demon brainrot is real and it's also fatal😔 (the demon ladies are all my last brain cells can think about lmao)

Lucifer:

She takes full pride in the fact that she as complete control over her animal instincts

However when you mentioned that it was amazing how much control she seems to have compared to her sisters you couldn't help but notice her tail wagging behind her.

She also seemed to quietly growl anytime one her sisters got a bit out of hand

She also had a harder time than usual falling asleep. You joked that maybe she just needed to circle the bed a few times. You didn't get to snuggle that night

You did both figure out that maybe it was just her sensitive hearing keeping her up.

To fix this you kept her head on your chest and softly covered her ears. It was a bit awkward but seemed to do the trick.

Mammon:

did you think she stayed up late before?

Well turns out tigers are nocturnal.

So now you have to deal with her begging you to hang out with her at 3 a.m.

You have to tell her multiple times that you do not want to go swimming right now you just want to go to sleep

she will happily still hang out with you during the day.

Tigers can't purr and that fact alone convinced her she'd be safe from any embarrassing noises

Jokes on her cus tigers chuff instead. Which she quickly found out as you were petting her head.

Leviathan:

Giraffes are weird animals who knows anything about them?

Well you and Levi end up spending quite a bit of time together since your now the only prey creatures in the house

So what a time to learn about giraffes!

for instance those weird horn things are apparently called ossicones and they feel weird

They're just firm cartilage covered in skin. Levi says they're more sensitive than her actual horns.

That being said you should take this chance you fluster her a bunch.

Her tail also ends up slapping you occasionally

Not very often though. Only when your paying attention to one of her sisters instead of her

she swears she can't control it though

Satan:

Shes honestly living her best life. This is practically a dream come true if she's honest

Even if it wasn't on purpose being a cat is amazing, and since she already knew a bunch about cats and their mannerism she adjusted quite quickly

she has already pushed several of Lucifer's mugs off of the table at breakfast proceeding to blame it on her instincts

she does cuddle a bit more than usual. Not much but she really likes it when you scratch behind her ears

She's purring anytime she has physical contact with you. She'll get really flustered if you mention

You also managed to keep her occupied with a laser pointer for hours. Yes she knows she can't catch the red dot but instincts can't be fought that easily Mc.

Asmodeus:

You jokingly called her pooh bear one time and now she's trying to convince you it would be fine if she just walked around in a red crop top

she has pounced on you several times saying she's just giving you a bear hug

you honestly can't see much of an impact on how being a bear affects her honestly

Most bears are omnivores she even her diet didn't change all that much

she honestly just seems her same clingy self but now with bear jokes.

she does ask you to pet he ears a bunch simply because of how soft they are. if would be a shame not to touch them right?

Beelzebub:

shes constantly afraid she's going to hunt and eat you.

she flat out tried to hide in the kitchen just to keep herself occupied on not eating you.

Eventually though you convince her that you trust her enough to not eat you. She still keeps a some meat on hand when she's near you just in case though.

lions can't purr unfortunately. However beel does make up for it by humming when you rub her ears.

She wants you to know it feels really nice after all

Shes also pretty nocturnal but she normally takes midnight trips to the fridge so nothing really changed in that aspect

Belphegor:

if you make one more "what does the fox say" joke she'll punch you.

she has the softest fuckin tail and she's about to make it everyone's problem.

she'll occasionally swat you in the face with it just to see you struggle to not inhale her fur.

it's a really soft pillow though and she's more than happy to let you use it as such while you cuddle

she did manage to make several burrows in her blankets at somepoint and she will hide in them to get more sleep

she'll happily wag her tail whenever you pet her head when she's napping in your lap.

She'll say your crazy if you mention it when she wakes back up

[theparliamentofrooks]

HELLO FELLOW P2 CORE ENJOYERS

I bring to you: Our Guys :) and their headcanons I have for them. Did you know they're all Honduran I know because I'm Honduran too

ANYWAYS this is a sort of spoof AU where Everything Is Fine Actually and the cores are androids but also humans working at Aperture. Because I know that we need an excuse for Rick to justifiably fight a raccoon in the middle of a park on saturday calling this bad boy the Guy Quartet

General Headcanons

All of them work in completely separate departments. It's dubious if anyone actually likes Wheatley (/J). Rick got put in the fucking basement. BUT they all kept getting sifted into the same assignments that now they just talk to each other frequently. But that was preceded by SO MANY awkward overlapping lunch breaks

Once they all start hanging out they drop into each other's jobs spontaneously. They keep getting BORED and Tomas (Fact) all you do is WATCH PEOPLE TEST can I Please skateboard in your office. Thomas keeps a little tally (Milo (Space) visits the most and Rick gets visited the most GO AWAY THIS IS TOP SECRET)

Aperture constantly wants to fire them So Bad because none of them do much work. But Milo also says they are simply Having Fun :) and Tomas keeps either A) vouching for everyone or B) getting someone else fired

The only ones genuinely happy to be at Aperture are Milo and Rick. Milo has gone to college AND university to pursue a higher degree in astrology-related fields and Rick Just Fuckin Loves Danger

Rick keeps bringing in rabid animals he finds in the parking lot and it scares the living hell out of Wheatley. Coincidentally, Milo and Tomas are unaware of this habit Rick has

The individual headcanons will be under the cut :)

I THINK SPACE SHOULD STOP BEING DEPICTED AS A CHILD FOR ONCE SO HE'S GOING FIRST

Out of the four of them he's the smartest by a longshot. Started taking college classes in Highschool, and hasn't broken a sweat since third grade multiplication tables. He's the head of Aperture's Space Department (but usually doesn't stick around for busywork...)

Even if he's incredibly intelligent, he actually loves having fun! He's the one who coaxed the CEO into having various 'Bring your ____ to Work' days. Mostly because he needed an excuse to let random animals lounge around without getting in trouble.

He also does tours of Aperture for students! Because he likes teaching :)

But also has a very bad habit of giving kids his I.D so they can go look at cooler stuff off the tour under the pretense "Milo let us do it" and they can't just Fire Him

Milo is known as more of an enigma than a higher up by most. While he gladly reminds people of just exactly where he stands in the company by showing his I.D, he also likes to give into the rumors often

YOU KNOW THAT ONE MEME THAT'S LIKE "They'll never believe you" THAT'S MILO FUCKING WITH APERTURE EMPLOYEES

The reason he went for any other company is because his father used to work here, but as an astronaut. One trip up to the moon, he never came back down. Milo plans to find out just what happened to him, no matter what.

Rick Cambeiro - 37 - He/Him

Rick is one of the few people in Aperture that would Kill for this job. Even when it starts going to shit.

And that job is being a security guard: he can fuck around and join lots of experiments unprompted! LET HIM TOUCH THE UNUSUALLY COLORED JELLY

He's loud and constantly bugs any woman within a ten feet radius, but actually reads frequently! His favorite is fiction and poetry, and usually takes his breaks quietly with a book.

He wants to fist fight three tigers at once to impress women BUT APPARENTLY THEY ALSO LIKE INTELLIGENT MEN SO.

Rick considers a bro bond stronger than anything else. Everyone calls it pretty gay but he SWEARS it's brotherly. He's like 90% sure. Wheatley frequently reaches the brink of death in hugs and Milo leaps onto Rick as a "challenge"

He's got a bit of practice with makeup, but SPECIFICALLY so he could draw on some fake scars. He had five different stories for each, all depending on who asked.

But after something happened, it seems like he's cut out that habit...

Rick loves wandering around for various odd jobs for a security guard, but it nets him a lot of moments where he's seeing what he shouldn't. While Rick has the most information that could easily be used for the legal downfall of Aperture, it's a double-edged sword. It's only a matter of time until he's called in to be a proper test subject.

Fact / Tomas Decastros - 26 - He/Him

I'd rather die than use Craig for Fact. Also don't look at the art actually I misspelt his name ANYWAYS

Tomas works as one of the head supervisors for testing, generally watching over tests with the Aperture Handheld Portal Device. Lots of people flip between calling it the most boring job ("Glorified people-watching" - Wheatley) or the most fun one ("I told a guy a turret was supposed to be helpful one time" - Rick, moments before getting mauled)

Compared to the other people in the department, Tomas is easily the best at the job. Specifically because he actually remembers things! There's countless rules overlooked, and even then, did none of you try to read up on what we're testing!?

He's surprised he hasn't grown grey hairs.

While Milo has a lot of leeway in what he does because he's so high up, Tomas gets away with things like breaking dress code and taking triple the lunch breaks he's legally allowed to have by letting all the mishaps in testing slide.

Generally Tomas just tells people he took this job because it was all that was available, but in reality, he just can't stand how many deaths have been totaled up due to testing. He's only here because he wants to prevent as many as he can.

A habit he's well known for is spontaneously stating facts related to tests in the middle of them. Nobody ever seems to realize why he's doing it, or calls him out for being a hypocrite since he doesn't let anyone else talk to the test subjects. Outright stating a solution is against the rules, but merely mentioning a fact isn't, right?

Wheatley [REDACTED] - 34 - He/Him

Yeah that's right Wheatley's last. I know he's my no. 1 but also you WILL read about the other cores. Unless you skipped in which case </3

Anyways, my favorite fact about him: Wheatley is his first name. Nobody knows his last name. It's dubious if he even has one. Everyone just calls him Wheatley.

He's well known around the entirety of Aperture because he used to work at the front desk. It was the """"perfect job for him""" (- Wheatley) but it also started making employees use different entrances because he talked so much. And loudly too.

The pay was pretty good since his ACTUAL job was making sure various health and safety workers didn't get past the front (It seems the constant talking and making people go away DID work out!)

Eventually he gets promoted out of nowhere to be a scientist, even though he has no education awards/diplomas/certificates/literally anything to back himself up. It also happened to be about three hours after he typed in this pretty big number for something... Had to do something with the moon. Maybe a percentage of how much he liked it?

Well, he LOVES the moon. Which is why he put about 95%. Not sure what that did.

He's completely clueless, but all of his scientist coworkers actually hate him. He's got no reason to be here, and he keeps messing experiments up! It drives them up the wall! So their best course of action...

Signing Wheatley up for a week's work on the GLaDOS project.

He seemed a bit antsy, but with reassurance from his coworkers, it seemed fine. He came out of there three days earlier than planned because he had to be hospitalized for severe wounds.

Wheatley still works in the same department, and unfortunately didn't get a paid leave... But at least these scars look cool, eh?

[smallblip]

Okay, but (sorry for my english) I just really love modern hc where they perform as the band No Name during their school festival (their identities are already known and that people know they belong to one of the most famous group in the school /with nanaba and erwin/).

Levi’s the face of the group and almost half of the fans have him as their bias but they really thinks he’s asexual or bi or even gay since they never knew anyone who had been his girlfriend and he doesn’t seem to be that person to be involved in any romance.

But then he surprises everyone when during their performance, he just grabs hange’s ponytail and kissed her deeply.

And people were just like—oh, shit, wait, what.... levi just—kissed his friend....his....friend.....Hange....the Hange

Then the crowd went wilder and even Levi’s fans just gasped with excitement because—damn that’s hot!

Even Hange herself were surprised but she couldn’t do anything since levi’s grip was too strong, lost in his own world as he ravishes her with kisses as if he doesn’t give a shit about everyone watching them

she doesn’t even know how long it lasted.

Then there’s Erwin in the crowd, capturing every moment with a camera because he’s the only one who wasn’t surprised about this

Stop the presses!

“Breaking news! Levi Ackerman frontman of No Name is having an illicit love affair!”

“It’s not breaking news if everyone already knows...” Porco rolls his eyes. Connie groans. Great. Now Porco is in his shot. The school’s journalism club is essentially him and Sasha with her phone’s camera. They do not have the skill nor the budget to edit him out.

“Who’s he dating then?” Sasha shoots back.

“Heard it’s a girl from another school.” Porco shrugs.

“Heard he’s gay...” Reiner offers.

“You just want him to be gay...” There’s sniggering and Reiner wants to punch Porco, but he’s a man of discipline, so no violence before breakfast.

“It’s just a rumour! He isn’t dating anyone! Levi’s too cool to date.” Eren says, gagging at the mention of the word. A literal child.

“Who would wanna date him?” Mikasa scoffs.

“Everyone in the school apart from you, Mikasa...” Petra says, “he’s dreamy...”

Connie urges the discussion on, Sasha capturing all of this. This is the best content they’ve gotten all week. “Come on! There are no bad answers!”

“Maybe he’s dating a fan?” Bertholdt says.

“Maybe he’s dating Hanji... They do seem rather close?” Pieck says, and the silence and scowls are intended to shame her. Connie looks at the aluminium foil on Pieck’s head. Right. The Signs movie screening organised by the conspiracy society is today.

“No bad answers except that one...” Connie says.

—

“You’re the talk of the town again...” Mike says, “they were discussing you on the school’s YouTube channel.”

Levi tsks. He doesn’t know why Mike bothers with that crap. It’s a pretty high quality production... he had justified, but there’s nothing high quality about Sasha’s shaky hands and Connie’s head covering half the frame. Everyone knows Mike enjoys the gossip, and there’s no one that enjoys it more. Except maybe Erwin.

“Do tell! Who is the enigmatic Levi Ackerman dating?” Erwin teases. He knows he’s not getting anything out of tight-lipped Levi. But it’s still worth a shot. Also worth seeing how annoyed he can get. Plus it’s not like they don’t already know.

If the canteen hadn’t been so goddamn full, Levi would’ve relocated long ago. Then again, his lunch groups hasn’t changed since his first day at school. The routine works.

“I’m sure you boys would be the first to know...” Nanaba chuckles. She had been the first to know and frankly. Levi’s inability to confess has been getting stifling. The only thing that really breaks the conversation though? Hanji tripping and landing face first on the table, lucky for her Levi moves her tray out of the way, saving her lunch, “watch it four eyes!”

“What did I miss?” Hanji asks, eyes already gleaming at the possibility of new knowledge.

“We were just talking about Levi’s illicit love affair.” Mike says. This is getting interesting.

“Awww Levi! You didn’t tell your ol’ pal Hanji that you were seeing someone?”

The rest of them exchange looks. God she’s so goddamn oblivious.

“Eat. We’ve got band practice before class.” Levi says, fingers already working to peel Hanji’s orange for her.

Nanaba winces. So goddamn oblivious.

—

“So we enter school today and Sasha what do we see?”

“Merch!” Sasha pops in front of the screen and does jazz hands with Connie.

“In the lead up to the big No Name concert, everyone’s donning their best No Name merch! First, let’s speak to the best in the game, Armin Arlert.”

Armin fidgets awkwardly, “ahaha I’m just a fan who just happens to make high quality merch.” Modest for someone earning big bucks from his enterprise.

“Ah... And you have competition this year!” Connie says into the microphone, which is really just rolled up newspaper.

“Well... The quality of my work speaks for itself...” Armin smiles sheepishly at the camera, but there’s something insidious in his eyes. Armin has to admit having sole monopoly over No Name merchandising in school has gone a little stale. Surely a little competition will spice things up.

“So Zeke, care to tell us more about your entry into the merchandise game?” Connie asks the bearded boy. Who has a full grown beard at their age? Connie makes a mental note to insert “sells bootleg merch” in the little panel that runs below Zeke’s interview. The whole school is also pretty sure Zeke had been behind the whole oregano debacle last year- someone had been passing oregano off as weed and selling it to the younglings.

“What’s there to say? Mine’s cheaper.” Zeke winks.

“So, satisfied customer. Why did you choose to buy Armin’s merch over Zeke’s?” Connie asks.

Pieck glances down at her Hanji shirt, “Armin got Hanji’s nose right.” She smiles.

In the background Armin and Eren are yelling at one another.

“How could you Eren! I thought we were best friends!” Armin says. Maybe the competition spiced things up a little too much.

“It was cheaper Armin! So much cheaper!”

Eren is wearing the ugliest shirt in school so, is it really worth it though?

—

“We are absolutely not blowing our budget on a confetti canon!”

“But Levi!” Hanji whines, “you already rejected so many of my ideas...”

“May I remind you that your previous ideas include a guillotine on stage, you repelling from the ceiling-“

“A tiger...” Mike adds and Hanji shoots him a look, traitor...

“It was two tigers...” she mutters under her breath. “Aww Levi you never let me do anything fun!” She pouts and Mike watches as Levi’s resolve slips an inch. There’s nothing more disgusting than the weakness of a man in love. Mike rolls his eyes. He had told Erwin if he wanted in on the action, he should join their band. There’s just so much to see that Mike has honestly had his fill. Or maybe he’s just saying it. Damn Nanaba was right, he enjoys this more than he’d care to admit.

“If you shut up through the next five songs, I’ll buy you dinner.”

“What about me?” Mike huffs.

“Deal!” Hanji shouts triumphantly, “and if you let me sing the chorus with you on this next song at the concert I’ll buy you dessert!”

“Almost as if I’m invisible...” Mike mutters.

“Fine... Deal... If you can hit the notes that is...”

“Ohhhh snap!” Mike says, and Levi turns to him for a high five. Mike smashes a beat on his drums. Hanji deadpans.

Ba dum fuckin tiss indeed.

—

“So it’s two days before the festival and the big No Name concert. Today, we’ve got a special treat for you. Roving reporter Jean Kirschtein will find out more about Levi’s love affair, straight from the horse’s mouth!”

Jean shoots Connie a dirty look. But the pun had not been intended. Connie mouths a quick apology before continuing, “but first, a word with the people closest to him-“ Connie nudges Jean towards the general direction of Erwin, Nanaba and Mike. Remember you owe me Jean! Connie whispers harshly when he senses his friend’s hesitation, now go!

Jean groans once more. God his reputation was going to take a hit. He’s vice captain of the soccer team for God’s sake. He doesn’t need this.

“Erwin Smith! A word? Uh... Thoughts on the rumours surrounding Levi Ackerman’s love life?” Jean asks. “Erwin Smith, football captain, history club president, student council treasurer, overall overachiever, and Levi Ackerman’s friend” appears on the screen. They all know if anyone’s likely to spill, it’s going to be Erwin.

Erwin’s eyes light up, he’s finally going on the channel he watches religiously with Mike. There’s so much he can contribute, so much gossip to share, so much insight. Maybe they would even invite him as a panelist on their show. The sheer power! He looks at Nanaba and she frowns at him and shakes her head. Ah damn it! He knows she’ll tear into him if he divulges too much.

“That’s strictly on a need to know basis.” Erwin grins.

“Well... Can you give us anything at all?” Jean asks. Please for the love of god he needs to pay Connie back somehow for setting him up on that date with Mikasa. God is generous but he can easily take it all away.

“We have good, solid guesses, but other than that... No... We can’t confirm anything...” Erwin answers, but not before glancing at Nanaba. She’s nodding. Good, that’s a good answer. Ambiguous enough to keep people wanting. Erwin is relieved. Jean isn’t however, he’s now certain that his debt is going to be rolled along a tab he will soon never be able to pay.

“Oh and the history society’s having quiz night next week, be there or be square!” Erwin plugs.

“Nerd!” Nile yells from across the hallway and Mike chortles.

It doesn’t take Jean long to find Hanji, after all she’s president of the biology club, so why wouldn’t she be in a lab elbow deep in a vat of something Jean doesn’t want to know the name of. It’s her kingdom with a whopping total of four subjects.

“Hanji Zoë, I’m here to ask for the latest on Levi Ackerman’s love life-“

Hanji Zoë- the school’s resident oddball, the genius herself, in the flesh, eating a checkerboard cookie. She looks up at him and there are crumbs on her face.

“Oh! Hi Jean!” Hanji looks up momentarily, “that’s easy, Levi’s in love with me.” She winks at Jean and chuckles. Jean’s jaw drops, surely she’s kidding. Hanji’s known for that after all- her quick wit and dismal personal hygiene. He chuckles awkwardly. “Yeah... Okay...”

“See you at the concert?” She beams at him and he replies enthusiastically. Is she kidding? Everyone’s gonna be there. But Jean remains strategic, he leaves right before she gets the chance to talk his ear off about joining her club again. “Shoot... There goes another one...” she says under her breath as he exits the lab.

Jean bumps into Levi when he’s leaving the lab, odd, what’s Levi doing here, no matter, Jean has a job to do.

“Levi Ackerman! Care to comment on the recent rumours surrounding your-“

“No.” Levi interjects and heads off.

Jean flips the camera so he’s in it, “well, that’s the scoop. Back to you Connie and Sasha.”

—

“It’s the day of the festival! But really the whole school is buzzing with anticipation for the No Name concert!” Connie announces into his makeshift mic.

“Will there be another accident on-stage this time? Will Levi Ackerman reveal more on his secret romance? Is there even a secret romance to begin with? More importantly, will Porco Galliard finally pay for his own food at the festival?”

“Hey!” Porco whips his head around to glare at Connie, “did Reiner get you to say that?”

Connie shrugs, “we’ll find out after these messages...”

The concert is a blast, from a spectacular entrance (choreographed, no doubt, by one Hanji Zoë), to Mike’s drum solo, to Levi’s vocal riffs. But there’s an anticipation of another sort- will Levi Ackerman finally address the rumours of his love affair?

“My Levi-Hanji senses are tingling Nanaba...” Erwin says mid-concert. As the self-proclaimed expert on school gossip, there’s no gossip sweeter than that which surrounds his two best friends. Nanaba thinks it’s an overstatement of his abilities.

But Nanaba feels it too- the electricity in the air, “i think it’s finally happening!” She says, nothing short of a vision.

Levi announces the last song for the night, and he makes his way over to Hanji during the last chorus.

HUH?

Sasha’s cameras are rolling. She holds her breath, for what she doesn’t know, but she feels it coming, call it director’s intuition if you will.

Hanji looks at Levi and beams past the bandages over their eyes, now upgraded to a material they can actually see through, ever since that one accident with Hanji trying to execute a stage dive completely blind. It’s not fun explaining to the ER nurse how you managed to fracture your arm in so many locations.

Hanji’s expression changes to one of confusion when Levi closes the distance between them. This isn’t part of any plan. Her lips part in a gasp. The crowd falls silence, breath collectively held in anticipation. It’s happening. The most significant and exciting moment of their young lives.

What in the name of Maria, Rose, and Sheena!

Levi grabs Hanji by her ponytail and crashes his lips into hers. She forgets how to function, her guitar now hanging limp and forgotten. But her arms find their way around Levi’s neck. It’s just Mike on the drums now, roaring with laughter.

“Hell yes!” Mike exclaims and it’s captured by one of the mics, joined by Nanaba and Erwin at exactly the same time. There’s a flash from Erwin’s phone, there, immortalised in a photo forever. He knows it’ll come in handy one day. For blackmail or for a future wedding montage. Either is fine.

What just happened?

Connie’s jaw is hanging.

“Levi Ackerman and... and... Hanji Zoë?” Connie says, more for his own benefit than for his audience. Because this is Hanji they’re talking about? The Hanji Zoë? Resident evil genius, overall weirdo, oddly magnetic and popular amongst both the boys and the girls, Levi’s childhood friend Hanji Zoë? The answer had been staring them right in the face! Levi at the biology labs, Levi glowering at her, the bickering, the chemistry on and off stage.

Connie whips his head over to Pieck, and she winks at him, told you so!

“I don’t believe it! Stop the presses! Levi Ackerman, frontman of No Name, in love with the brilliant, the magnetic, the one and only... Hanji Zoë!”

Hanji is kissing Levi back with fervour, until they’re both blushing and giddy, the music long forgotten, and when everyone is done gawking, the crowd erupts in violent cheering. Who would’ve thought emotionally constipated Levi, Levi whose private life has been kept a secret for so long, safe from the prying hands of the school press and his loyal fans, would choose to make an announcement like this. What a night! What a spectacle!

“I guess that’s all for tonight folks, and what a fantastic and surprising evening it has been!” Connie laughs, “I’m Connie Springer, and you heard it here first!”

The confetti canon goes off. And Hanji watches with uninhibited joy as confetti rains down on the stage.

“So... Tigers next time?” Hanji says, unwrapping the bandages from her face, her eyes glazed over and more beautiful than anything Levi has ever seen. He scoffs, pressing another kiss to her lips for posterity.

“Don’t push it...”

(A/N: prompt so good I had to write a mini fic! Thank you anon💖💖💖)

[imonthinice]

The Criminal Psychology Majors, Jason Todd x Fem!Reader Part 7/?

Word Count: 3.5k

Author’s Note: Y/N - Your Name, A/N Any Name (your best friend’s name), (Name) - your ex’s name !genderneutral (Don’t use a DC character! Y/N hasn’t dated any other DC character!) :)

3.5k words, my god. And they’ve still only known each other for 4 days and we’re on part 7. I do not know how to finish this.

Lol, Enjoy!

Warnings: Swearing, Heated moments, There is French in this one, No beta bitch we die like Jason Todd

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15) (Part 16) (Part 17) (Part 18) (Part 19) (Part 20)

Falling asleep in Jason’s arms after that escapade the two of them pulled the night before was something magical to say the least. Of course, they only got like 5 hours of sleep before they had to wake up and get out, at risk of Y/N being caught in the building, although the thrill of it excited the both of them deeply, but that’s obvious. They liked breaking the rules already.

Riding back home seemed a lot less like a journey to her this time, she just wanted to spend more time with Jason, but he had work and she didn’t want to hang out at Wayne Enterprises. She’d probably go to the library today, she didn’t know exactly what she’d do today, but she always thought that was the most exciting thing ever. “I don’t know what I’m even going to do tomorrow,” one of her friends asked when she moved to Gotham, ‘How exciting!’ she answered.

That friend said the next day she ran through the streets of Metropolis with her arms outstretched like a kid, and she did it in Y/N’s honor. “I told you!” she said, “How exciting that sometimes you never know what you’re going to do tomorrow!”.

These thoughts swirled in her head as Jason drove her back home when, like clockwork, like it was out of a movie, he said,

“I have no idea what I’m even going to do today.”

She laughed, “I always say ‘How exciting!’ when someone says that to me.”

“Really?”

“One of my friends back home, when I gave her that advice, she then spent the next day running around the city with her arms outstretched in my honor, it was apparently one of the more fun things she’s ever done, so” she paused, “I really mean it. how exciting! The possibilities are endless, are they not?”

“Well, not really, I have work to do,” he frowned.

“So own it. Make the office your bitch. Take charge, take lead.”

“Why not?” he said in agreement.

“Why the fuck not.”

-------------------------------------------

Jason walked her to her door, “Won’t you be late?” she asked,

“Dad knows where I am, I don’t think I’ll have my ass handed to me.”

“You never know,” she laughed.

He laughed too and slightly pecked her lips. He wanted more, he was hungry for more out of that kiss, but work and life gets in the way of their relationship, and he really whined when he had to break away, but she laughed at it.

“Slow your roll Tiger, one day,” she mused.

“You say that like you don’t want more.”

“This isn’t about me,” she retorted, “So, shut up, respectfully.”

He laughed and kissed the back of her hand, “You have a thing for doing that, huh?” she joked.

“I literally don’t know how to answer that, I think I’m losing my touch with flirting,” he joked back.

“Okay, okay, you need to get going now.”

“Fine! You want to get rid of me so badly, I get it,” he joked and walked back to the car and she waved him off. She hated that time he left, a lot. She knew it was healthy to take a day’s break if they’ve been on 3 back-to-back dates, but that didn’t mean she liked it.

She opened her door and walked in, thinking A/N was asleep so she wouldn’t be barraged for her hair being a mess, but, boy oh boy, was this girl waiting for her to get home.

“What happened? Why’s your hair a mess? Oh my god, did you have sex?” she asked.

“No, but we kissed, will you take that as information while I shower or do you want all the details now?”

“You can shower, you can shower. I’m not that needy.”

“Yes you are,” Y/N joked and went to go shower.

And like she always did, she opened her phone and looked at the news before answering her friends,

Millionaire’s Son, Jason Todd's Girlfriend’s Name Revealed!

She laughed, cause it wasn’t her name. She didn’t think he was seeing anyone else, and they used her picture, so she knew they just fucked it. She forwarded the article to Jason with the caption ‘ Fuckin’ idiots’ .

She then answered Artemis, who asked Did you two kiss? Dick’s up my ass about it ‘cause he knows we’re friends.

I want to take that out of context so badly. She joked with Artemis.

I knew this man had a terrible name that would come to haunt me, but did ‘ya kiss?

Yeah we did. Get Dick out of your ass, though, that’s weird, you have a boyfriend and he has a girlfriend.

Shut up, you’re not funny.

I’m pretty funny.

You are but I’m not going to admit that, girl.

And one of her old friends had texted her, it was someone who Y/N had seen off and on the past few years, they were polite, but she didn’t exactly want to speak to her ex.

Hey.

(Name)? What do you want?

Saw you in the news with the rich boy, guess we’re over?

We have been over for like 5 months, my guy. 

Bitch.

Okay!

People from her hometown were noticing her in the articles and recognizing her. Some would think this is the coolest thing that someone they loved met a nice boy, the money a bonus, some would give her the reaction her ex did, but she knew she was days, hours, maybe minutes away from her parents finding out about her love affair with Jason.  

She shuddered at the thought, she loved her parents, a lot, but something told her that maybe they wouldn’t did Jason to be like she found him. She also knew she could be overthinking it entirely and they’d like the Criminal Psych Major that she knew all-too-well.

But overthinking was fun, apparently. And she couldn’t stop thinking the worst of so much.

------------------------------------------------

When she got changed and just threw on whatever the fuck she saw, she went out to go talk to A/N.

“Hey, nerd. I’m done,” Y/N said.

“Nerd? You’re the one dating the bookworm and  you’re in criminal psychology,” she joked.

“Ha, ha. So, how are things with your lover? Have you secured him yet or are you just doing your own thing still?”

“Still just doing our own thing, don’t really have the time to date while getting my degree and working.”

“I mean, if it works for you I can’t throw judgment.”

“What about Jason? How’re things with you two?”

“You ever seen the Wayne Enterprises Ballroom before?”

“In pictures, why- Don’t tell me he took you there you lucky bitch?!”

“Then I just wont tell you,” she laughed.

“The Ballroom? Oh my god, that’s crazy, he's really pulling out all the stops to make you smile, huh?”

“I would do the same if I had more to offer, but I have barely anything since I bought that place in the dance competition across the country,” she said.

Y/N had bought a place in this competition before she met Jason, and she was heading to it on Saturday, in two days, and she actually had practiced the routine during downtime between her and Jason. She hadn’t exactly told Jason about this, and Jason had asked why she looked strained and like her muscles hurt, but that just never seemed like something you share with your casual partner, to her. She never seemed like her casual competitions were worth anything. A/N had begged to differ since Y/N had met her.

A/N said that Y/N had talent, that she could go somewhere, Y/N saw it as an extra circular that didn’t affect her much. She wasn’t the type of brag, and all her trophies were back home with her parents, anyway.

“Have you told him about your,” insert A/N’s heavy sarcasm, “’Casual’  competitions, yet?”

Idk what the hell happened with that line ya love to see it

“I’ll send him a quick text about it, I guess,” she sighed and sent just a quick, Hey, can’t have a date on Saturday-Sunday, forgot to tell you but I’m going to Cali for a quick dance competition, lol. My bad, shoulda said something.

“Why are you like this, be proud of your accomplishments, dammnit!”

“It’s a casual competition!”

“And you’re talented! I’m this close to just showing him videos of you going at it,” she said, exasperated.

“He already knows, we danced in the Ballroom.”

“Oh my lord,” she laughed, “You’re an enigma, if I had your amount of trophies I wouldn’t be hiding it.”

“Im’ not hiding it! It just kind of never came up.”

And he texted back, Oh damn, are you at least going to kill it? You better, I want to show the live broadcast to my family and brag.

She laughed, “See!”, she exclaimed, showing A/N the texts, “He doesn’t care like you do, nerd.”

A/N laughed, “Sure he doesn’t. Do you want to go to lunch, by the way? I’m bored off of my ass.”

“Sure, why the fuck not.”

“Go get dressed then, and I’ll do the same.”

“Okay okay, meet up in 10?”

“Yes ma’am.”

And off they went.

---------------------------

Y/N texted back Jason for a quick minute before getting dressed, Of course I’m going to kill it, my notes aren’t a representation of my dancing skills.

Well, I hope you win something. And text me. But mainly win something.

Of course I’ll text you, Jay. It gets boring at competitions.

You should go to a Wayne Gala then, god damn, those fuckin bastards are the most boring events this side of America.

Well maybe you’ll invite me one day.

I’ll probably have to if you show up on National TV. The press will finally know your name.

I hope I’m not on National TV then. Fuck the press.

Fuck the press indeed.

Since Y/N didn’t feel the need or want to dress up, she didn’t. Quick shirt and jeans and she was out the door. Sometimes she would dress up for lunch dates with her friends, just because she was bored as fuck and dressing up was fun, but she just didn’t want to do it today. Combat boots, jeans and a shirt were enough most days. You don’t have to be a model just because the press knows your face, she thought, you don’t.

“Who’s driving?” A/N asked.

“I can if you want. I don’t mind,” Y/N said as they walked to the beat up car they loved so much. It was nothing compared to the Porsche she had been in the night before, but it was still running, and you don’t fix something that ain’t broke.

“Maybe your boyfriend will buy you a new car,” A/N joked.

“If anything, he’d buy me a new computer, since mine is getting mailed to me and you’re going to love hearing the sounds that bitch makes,” she retorted.

“Is it bad?”

“Terrible. My sister called it a screaming electronic goat once,” she laughed, “I hate that fucking thing. But if it ain’t broke-”

“Don’t fix it, I know.”

“Exactly.”

--------------------------------------------------

For some reason, they decided in the car to go to McDonald's, because hey, it’s not like Y/N is on a  dance diet or anything. She wasn’t, because she didn’t want to starve herself for the sake of winning a competition. That was even her thought process as she was younger and more vulnerable to her teachers, she always told them she’d never do that. Years later, she still stuck to that mindset.

They got out of the car and like fucking clockwork, the press was in her face.

“You! The girl with no name, Jason Todd’s girlfriend!”

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!” she whispered under her breath, “How do they always find me!”

“Tell us about yourself! Are you serious with Jason? How do you feel about his family? How-”

But then she had an idea,

“Quoi? Je parle pas l’Anglais? Qu’est-ce-que vous voulez?” she said, using her bilingual skills to her advantage.

“What? No I mean-”

“Pas de l’Anglais! Désolé mes amis!” and she ran off into the McDonald's with A/N.

“Did you just speak French to get them off your ass, you genius?”

“Spoke very broken French because I wasn’t thinking, but yeah, I did that.”

“I forget you’re multi-talented sometimes, you have a lot hidden under your belt and I try to treat you like a normal person but you’re far from it.”

“I appreciate you for trying, but I think with my new love affair, you aren’t going to get far with those attempts anymore, sorry,” she joked.

Jason texted her, Did you just speak French to avoid the press?

How do you know about that?

We were watching the news during a meeting and they said that you spoke French.

You got to do what you got to do to get by.

That is literally the most genius thing I’ve heard of anyone doing in so long. I think you’ve truly bamboozled them for a while and they might hop off of your back for a while.

You think so? ‘Cause I really hope that’s the case.

My siblings think it’s hilarious, and no one’s leaked that you are just joking with the press, so yeah, they might actually leave you alone.

Let’s fucking go. That is the news of the 21st century.

4 days of knowing each other and you’ve flipped off the press twice, outran them with me once, hid in the Wayne Enterprises Building with me and you’ve spoken French to bamboozle the press. That is impressive.

I feel like the press is going to hate me one day.

Probably. But they also hate most of us most days.

You should probably get back to work.

Yeah, talk to you soon.

She put her phone away and went to stand with A/N, who was waiting for their food.

“Talking to your lover?” she joked.

“When am I not doing that?”

“That’s valid.”

-----------------------------

Going on a lunch date with A/N made a little bit of the harassment just better. They both bonded over how they hated the press before her love affair with Jason, and how their opinions wouldn’t change much unless, knock on wood, one of them went missing. Y/N told her about all the cases where the press and the internet did so much to solve cases around the world, love or hate the press, they did do a lot for solving crime.

She also told A/N that Jason was related to Dr. Barry Allen and Clark Kent, two people the two of them knew well because of the news and the fact that A/N knew Y/N when she wanted to go into forensics and was reading Dr. Barry Allen’s work.

When her mother texted her.

Y/N? Is that you in the press running around with Jason Todd?

Yeah mum, why?

Are you two in a serious relationship?

No mum.

Then why are the vultures so obsessed with you, says your dad.

‘ Cause you two made a pretty girl and he’s high up in the world, I guess, I don’t know. I don’t really like the press.

I can tell. We’re not mad at you honey, but be careful. And your dad says when you two get serious he needs to take Jason fishing.

He doesn’t speak French, mum.

Dad says he’ll work on his English for you.

Well tell everyone I love them, mum.

She panicked a little bit, her parents were nice when they wanted to be, but they were strict, why wouldn’t they be. So this, while being a welcomed surprise. was still a little panicky.

“Your  parents find out?”

“Yeah, they seem chill with it though.”

“Bing in the press sucks when you’re trying to keep your love life out of your parents' eyes, huh?”

“You could say that again,” she joked.

“Being in the press sucks when you’re-”

“I didn’t mean literally!” they laughed.

--------------------------------

Back at Wayne Enterprises, Jason was betting bombarded by his colleges, friends and family about Y/N and how she was able to get around the press’ constant harassment without flaw. And also because Bruce had seen the two enter the building at around 12am the night before. So Jason was called into Bruce’s office that day.

“1, I know everyone is bombarding you, so you can hide out here, son, 2, you and Y/N didn’t have sex in your office right?”

“God no, dad. We just hid here because security is tight as fuck and unable to get past.”

“I saw you two kissing on the cams and heading into your office, Jay.”

“Okay, okay, but we didn't have sex and the intentions were there, dad!”

“Uh huh, pretty girl in your, my, car.”

“Dad, stop it,” he joked.

“Well, her little shenanigans with the press are very amusing, have you told her that?”

“I have.”

“She’s basically not afraid to tell them what we all think.”

“That’s what I said, dad.”

“Well, hold onto that one and don’t let her go.”

“Do you regret doing that with Talia?” Jason asked.

“God no, she’s insane. The son I got out of her antics is literally her spitting image, so if I need to be reminded of her I can just go talk to Damien for a couple minutes.”

“Dami’s a lot like you too, don’t act like his personality is just Talia, he acts like his dad in every aspect and you know that.”

“Lord help any woman or man that kid goes on to date, my god,” the two of them laughed. It was the small things with Bruce that made Jason happy to be a Wayne, even if he didn’t share the last name. Jason grew up on the streets and even before that, his mum and dad didn’t have a lot of money, so the amounts of money that Bruce could shower on him was a lot, but he was okay with just working for his money. And Bruce knew that.

He spent a lot of his workday in Bruce’s office, hiding from the rest of the office, and texting Will.

She knows about your kid.

Well, she’s a good kid. I’m glad you’re bragging about her, means I raised her right.

Shut up. I love that little girl and I’ve helped raise her, Will.

You’re used to my new name?

I changed your contact to Will when you changed your name, so I could remember that that’s your name now and not Roy. I’m hoping I remember it in person though. It would be awkward if I forgot my best friend’s name.

It would be funny to look back on, though.

Like how your relationship with Jade is funny now?

Never stick your dick in crazy.

I wish you would have listened to that sometimes, but then I remember Lian is amazing.

I’m a cliché of dumb choices, what can I say Jaybird.

----------------------

In Y/N’s house, she would always play loud and sad music when she had the chance, some people thought her mental state was fucked, which sometimes it was, but most of the time the sad music went harder than the happy tunes you would catch from the other side of the house.

But even if music was blasting the loudest it could ever be, somehow she would still find herself lost in her thoughts, whether it was new dance routines or a story she would scribble down in her dream journal. there was something about those little fits of artistic passion she would experience from time-to-time.

It’s hard to put into words how those moments reminded her of the simplier times before sh was thrust into stardom, but also how they reminded her of Jason, and untouched mind she longed to know further. She knew there was so much more to the boy she had gone on dates with.

She would end up ignoring her phone for most of the rest of that day, just because she wanted peace and quiet, when A/N’s lover came over and she had to turn the music up louder so she wouldn’t be disrupted by the obvious.

I just got off of work, how are you? How’s your day been? Jason had texted Y/N while she ws turning up the music.

Well, I just had to turn up my music because my roommate’s lover is over, but other than that I’ve been enjoying peace and quiet in my room, waiting for something to do.

Is texting me something to do?

Yes.

That’s sweet of you. Work was boring though so I hope you don’t expect a story.

I don’t, don’t worry. You don’t always need a story for something to do.

Well, I’m going home with my brothers and dad, and we’re probably going to play office chair racing because I’m a bad boy.

You’re a bad boy?

Was that not funny?

It was pretty funny, isn’t that dangerous though?

Yeah actually, my brother broke his leg playing it and another time my little sister broke her leg playing it.

It seems fun but like, damn, two people have gotten injured playing that game, y’know.

Well if I die it’ll be a fun story!

[palidoozy-art]

The more I think about your recent post about the changes you made to Strahd, the more I wonder about those changes you made to the others mentioned (Rahadin, Van Richten, Ireena, etc). I'd absolutely love to hear what adjustments you made as you already shared some stellar ideas already. Like the Tome? -Chef kiss- Amazing.

Oh mannn I do love talking about my campaign. I changed a lot with them. Again, weirdly enough, I think Strahd wound up being the most like his original incarnation. I could talk forever about the changes I made so I'll try to be brief haha. IT STILL WON'T BE BRIEF.

Obvious CoS spoilers below

IREENA - I thought it was weird that the picture they gave her makes her look like such a badass, and then the module just kind of writes her as a damsel in distress to either get kidnapped or pulled into water or dumped somewhere. To me, she's like, the second most important character in CoS -- and the book literally gives you less direction to roleplay her than her brother. Furthermore, reading her ending actually legit made me mad.

So I said fuck all that. Ireena in my game was a 19-year old girl who grew and developed over the course of the campaign. Several of my players actually said they thought of her as "the main character," just because she experienced a lot of character growth and development, going from a sheltered meek teenager to someone who can fight and assert herself. The biggest change I made to her though was that I very specifically did not just want her to be "Tatyana with memory loss." Ireena is a unique individual who happens to be partially made out of Tatyana's soul. While she shares many similarities with Tatyana, they're separate people, and part of what Ireena has to grapple with is how to live up to that. She's in the post-campaign because of that distinction -- while Sergei offered her to join him, she declined, because she wants to experience life past her twenties. I didn't get to play it out because we were kind of rushing towards the end, but I honestly envisioned a scene where she talks to the portrait of Tatyana, apologizing to her because she knows she's being selfish remaining alive.

This also brings up a unique problem in the post campaign. If Ireena dies, she ceases to exist and may not be able to be resurrected. When her soul leaves her body, it's Tatyana's again. Ireena very much wants to live. Tatyana doesn't. A resurrection has to be made with the consent of the soul, and if Tatyana declines, Ireena's just... gone. Forever.

Related: because I wasn't sure what my players would ask, and Rahadin would absolutely know this information -- there have been 18 incarnations of Tatyana, including the original. I actually have a timeline of when they were all born and how they died. The curse manifests in that they always die or are killed before their 25th birthday. If Strahd attempts to marry them, they lose their minds and throw themselves off of the same balcony the original Tatyana jumped off of during the ceremony. Strahd can never have Tatyana. Vampyr will ensure of that.

But yeah, essentially: Ireena gained actual class levels; she wasn't just Tatyana with memory loss; she traveled with the party for 90% of the campaign and wasn't just a macguffin to be kidnapped/take to places; and I removed any of the "Sergei takes her into water/the sky and you never see her again" endings because I absolutely hated those.

VAN RICHTEN - Van Richten I tweaked a lot from his original incarnation. First, I started him off as Lawful Neutral. No, game, I know you tell me he's Lawful Good, but I'm gonna have to disagree with you that "training a racist tiger to genocide an ethnic camp" falls under the spectrum of Lawful Good. Second, I changed him from cleric to artificer (alchemist). I somehow just got the impression the dude was a godless man, and so he felt more fitting to be a man of science rather than a man of the church. Third, since I wasn't sure the other dread domains were ever going to be brought into 5e I moved him out of Darkon and into another world from the outside.

His backstory was also tied more into Strahd and the campaign in general, as well as the Dark Powers. About 30 years ago, he went into the mists with his own adventuring party (that included Escher) to try to rescue his kidnapped son, Erasmus. He found his son half-turned and begging him for death. Killing him, Van Richten hunted down the Vistani woman (Ezmerelda's mother) who sold the man, and in a rage strangled her to death. This gave him a curse. Ezmerelda witnessed it happen.

He went on a warpath against vampire spawn and vistani alike, until Strahd proposed a deal to Escher. Escher lured the group to a familiar dinner date with Strahd... only for Strahd to murder all of them, including Van Richten. Van Richten was approached by a dark power -- Vaund the Evasive, and given the option to return to life in exchange for the promise that Van Richten would eventually return to Amber Temple and free him. He took it, waking up outside of Barovia. From there he became famed vampire-hunter-book-author, until in his early 50's he decided it was time to seek vengeance and fulfill his promise. He brought in his hat of disguise, came up with an alibi, and headed into Barovia as Rictavio the Great.

He was absolutely played as a much more morally grey character at the start (the party's first encounter with him rather than Rictavio was him literally torturing a dude). He softened over the course of the campaign as he grew attached to the party, until finally reaching a point in the post-campaign where he's considered Lawful Good

Also: Ezmerelda was treated more or less as his adoptive daughter. She absolutely argued against this every single time, but he even slipped up and referred to her as his daughter on a few tense occasions.

RAHADIN - Rahadin I adjusted a lot, too. A LOOOOOOT. Strahd being comically evil makes sense -- the dude is a darklord, that kind of comes with the territory. With Rahadin, I wanted him to have more motivations to his actions, because the base game actually suggests that the dude is actually capable of caring. In the base game, you can find him at Amber Temple, trying to "petition the dark god into releasing his master from his torment." He screams in grief if he finds Strahd dead. Furthermore it felt like the game glosses over the fact that the dude was adopted as Barov's son. It doesn't bother addressing how Rahadin felt about Sergei, who would in theory be his other brother. I thought a number of things suggested in his backstory were interesting, but not expanded upon in the base game. So I took it upon myself to do so.

I changed how dusk elf society was built, which affected the three major dusk elf characters. It worked off of a pretty brutal caste system, with three kings at the top overseeing all of it. Rahadin was born in a lower caste, but actually brought into the warrior caste after a member of royalty was intrigued by his stature. Rahadin worked as a general, but grew frustrated by the inefficiencies of the caste system and its inequality. He started attempting to use his influence to petition other members of nobility into changing or loosening the strict system.

Patrina caught wind of this, and viewing it as a threat to her lifestyle + viewing it as an easy way to gain brownie points with those above her... tattled on him to the three kings, spinning what he was doing as treason. Rahadin was arrested and subsequently tortured. They attempted to execute him on a breaking wheel, breaking his bones against the spokes and leaving him in the town square as an example. He wound up escaping, crawling his way out of town until he was subsequently rescued by a group of human monks. The event pretty much broke him, morally. He went to Barov soon after and sold his people out, taking a personal hand in helping annihilate the dusk elves and conquering their land. Barov was so impressed by the man's loyalty that he adopted him as his son.

Part of this was done to make a connection as to why the hell Rahadin just absolutely fuckin' hates Patrina so much (since that definitely got played up during the campaign). When thinking of Rahadin's motivations, I tried to come at it from the angle that this man was evil... but legitimately cared deeply about Strahd, Sergei, and Tatyana. He was devestated from the events of the wedding, but saw Strahd's return as a second chance. As the lone surviving witness from the wedding, he desperately wanted to help the three of them. But his own blind loyalty to Strahd and his broken moral compass prevented him from doing so.

One of my favorite little additions was a sidequest I offered to the players (they wanted to redeem Rahadin). They were requested by him to retrieve (well, "not destroy or sell") one of his most precious belongings in his office. When they get there... it turns out it's a birthday card and a worn-out old amulet from Sergei and Tatyana that he's kept after all these years. They got Ireena to read the letter to him, to help him keep going after Strahd's death.

anyway i could ramble on about changes forever but i don't want this post to get too long haha. i have. many feelings. over this campaign. maybe at some point I'll do a separate post with some of the others.

i also kinda wanna do a comic of an event from Rahadin's backstory for my players but we'll see, I might deem it "too stupid."

[askmyboys]

Jeremy (Puppet Maker OC)

| Name: Jeremy (he’s scribbled out a last name)

| Nicknames: Jere or Remy

| Gender: Trans FTM

| Age: N/A

| Height: 6’3”

| Species/Race: Human

| Occupation: Makes puppets, that’s,, p much it- he just really loves making puppets

| Hair Color: Tiger Orange (Messy Curly Undercut, it usually hangs a bit in his face too)

| Eye Color: Baby Blue

| Skin Color/Body Type: He’s really fuckin pale (he doesn’t go outside a whole lot) and he’s also chubby as well!

| Appearance: His main outfit is a dark seafoam green turtleneck with a dark brown trench coat (not leather) and he wears beige colored pants (got lots of paint stains on all of his clothes as well so oop) and finally he has dark blue dress shoes (that also have paint on them) honestly? He tried to wear an apron but it legit did NOTHING for him so he gave up with that, he did use the apron for one of his puppets though! He cut it up and sewed some stuff together and then created some patterns on it (nothing ever goes to waste for him if he sees potential)

He wears orange gauges that match his hair color but that’s it for jewelry- He also doesn’t have a circle beard- go figure! He does have little fangs (no claws, bad for puppet making and besides the claw nails would just get stained) hell his skin has usually got paint stains even! This lad is MESSY as hell! Puppet making is a messy job!! He’s also got a few minor scars, he’s had his fair share of accidents for sure, some puppets have sharp bits ya know and it can hurt… The final thing I can think of is he also wears circle glasses (it helps him see better)

| Personality: Jeremy oh this sweet man… He’s very sweet, kind, and absolutely caring but he has the WORST social anxiety, he’s so bad at dealing with people which is why he RARELY ever goes out (the ONLY time you’d see him out is when he’s going to get more supplies) i'm not kidding when I say he is literally the WORST at dealing with humans, he’s somewhat okay with animals so long as they aren’t in his workshop- after all most animals will go after his puppets and he’s got a LOT of dangerous shit for animals in there- like mm p  a int and clay for example- He DOESN’T want anything ingesting that…

He’d rather just stay in his workshop, with his puppet friends… That’s all he wants, it’s easier than having to try and figure out how to interact with other people… He’s very gentle and soft tbh, pretty soft spoken, he does have somewhat of a stutter and has trouble with words sometimes but listen man he’s trying his best… There’s not much else to say, just a friendly loving n caring man who just loves to make Puppets ya know? ...There IS a reason he’s scribbled his last name out and wants nothing to do with it (family issues i’ll spoil it right then n there)

| Side Facts: He lives in a bit of a weird thing… It’s like a tower of sorts in all honesty a b i g ass tower actually- and literally all the way up it there’s ROWS and ENDLESS rows of puppets sitting on shelves ALL the way to the top of the tower where there’s a fuckin HUUUUGE ass attic area, puppets are also ALL around up there, sitting on shelves or just in so many places you can NEVER escape the puppets gazes… They are literally everywhere, you can NEVER escape them ...u-unless you, ya know, leave the tower ...BUT WAIT HEY, WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING HERE?!? T-THIS IS HIS HOME, HOW DID YOU EVEN GET IN HERE?!? (dumbass probs forgot to lock his fuckin door, lmao idiot-)

Jeremy,, now he KNOWS technically speaking these puppets are not alive at all, but also he talks to the puppets, it’s about all he can do since people scare him so damn much, he’ll talk to all the puppets he can really manage really! He’ll even say goodnight to them when he doesn’t… Pass out from exhaustion, that is, he works on puppets a LOT and sometimes he forgets that uh sleep, or eating or drinking is VERY important… While Jeremy is USUALLY working on puppets as I said you’ll only ever see him out in public when he needs supplies BUT Jeremy isn’t dumb or anything,, like even with the windows he leaves open he’ll sometimes get out of his tower and head down to the river nearby or just go to the forest and wander around in order to get some fresh air.

Honestly, like Jeremy is v sweet and lovely but he genuinely needs some kinda therapy for his issues,, he has LOTS of SEVERE social anxiety and he seems terrified if someone even starts to approach him… Also btw his tower is p much on a hillside-like area, with a forest and a river of course nearby like I said- also,, another thing- Jeremy even when out and about probs would never talk about his puppet making hobby or tell anyone about them because most people, likewise, thinks puppets are creepy, or weird, or gross- (yeah his uh family always made fun of him, even went as far as to break some of his puppets he made when he was younger, his family always complained why can't he be a normal kid? and honestly? Just hated him in general tbh, they were fuckin bastards true and through)

Which is why Jeremy has NO contact with family whatsoever and literally never wants to see them again in his entire life,, not that they’d ever find him or his tower- its legit a ONE and a MILLION chance given how far away he moved from their city.

Remy definitely wishes the puppets were real and alive sometimes, it’d be nice bc he wouldn’t…

He wouldn’t feel as afraid talking to a puppet! In fact, he legit has no problem talking with puppets- he’s not terrified of them in the slightest, but uh, he sadly knows it’s literally impossible for puppets to be,, real, to be walking and talking without ya know, someone pulling the strings or levers... (lmao with that attitude it's impossible) oh well he’s still gonna talk to them and treat them as though they were live beings ...Aka treat them with kindness and care (maybe he should practice tryna interact with humans through puppets tbh)

Jeremy has definitely given a home to many puppets as well (like a gosh damn rescue) he’s picked puppets up from many places- it’s uh, been ones that have been tossed aside, broken and damaged lil babs, even though he doesn’t usually like germs that much he has found puppets in the dumpster a lot more than he wishes he did, it hurts his heart to see such cool puppets, trashed n broken like that…  Sooo he just couldn’t resist, he had to take them with him and patch them up ...And clean them up too of course, also himself because eugh- germs,, bad and icky...

[cross-d-a]

Hi me again tell me about Wu Xie going to mystic nine and bothering Zhang Daddy Rishan (pls let this man find peace pls)

(this refers tot he WIP tag game I completed a few days ago!)

RIP Zhang Daddy Rishan he will never know peace. (him, in the future: wU XIE??!???1 THIS LIL SMARTASS BITCH AGAIN??? *IMMEDIATELY RETIRES*)

Wu Xie!!! Encounters Something in a tomb!! (I’m sensing a Theme here.....a good number of my au’s are like this I guess xD) and accidentally gets sent back to Mystic Nine era!!! BC it’s fic it is a bit of an au where Xiao Ge is kinda like a reluctant younger brother to Zhang Daddy Rishan and Fo Ye (even though he’s SO much older! xD). 

Granddaddy Wu is IN on the Secret that Wu Xie is from the future bc Wu Xie is SO excited to see his young grandpa and he can’t keep his fuckin mouth SHUT!! ALSO!! He looks a lot like Grandaddy Wu, so it’s easy enough to pass them off as brothers! (wu xie: uh i’m a BASTARD!! :D Zhang Daddy Rishan: you certainly ARE)  And everyone completely loses their MINDS over this Hot and Dorky and FUCKING?? KNOWLEDGEABLE???? TOMB ROBBER?? LIKE?? he is SO SMART?? yet dUMB??? AND ALSO??? he seems to know like EVERYTHING about the Zhangs??? UHHH??? WHAT IS GOING ON.

And of course bc it is PINGXIE, and Wu Xie is WU XIE and Xiao Ge is XIAO GE, they COMPLETELY sweep each other off their feet!! Wu Xie is so taken with this younger Xiao Ge who has this strangely sweet (but TENSE!!) relationship with Zhang Daddy Rishan and Fo Ye. Seeing Xiao Ge with tentative family RUINS Wu Xie in all the best and worst ways (he nearly crumbles, seeing that tha world was once kind to Xiao Ge. he nearly breaks because the world was once kind and it tore it all away) Wu Xie is also DETERMINED to lay his mark on Xiao Ge in any age, any time, any era. Xiao Ge is HIS and he is XIAO GE’s and that will never change. 

And Xiao Ge is so?? Blown away by this genuinely kind man who CARES about Xiao Ge in a way no one else does? Who trusts him immediately and without any hesitation at all? Wu Xie does not quail under Xiao Ge’s hand. He leans into the touch like it is soft and kind in a way that Xiao Ge simply does not feel. And though he is unwavering in his faith in Xiao Ge’s abilities, Wu Xie treats Xiao Ge like he is Breakable and capable of hurt. Like Xiao Ge’s pain is not worth the effort, any effort. Like Wu Xie would do anything in this world and everything beyond in order to keep Xiao Ge from being hurt.

And it is so so so overwhelming to hear his feelings translated into words that tumble from those pretty lips. And it is so so so overwhelming to glance over and catch Wu Xie’s eye. To see the kindness there. The understanding. To watch WU Xie’s eyes flit across his face like Wu Xie’s reading an open book worn with love and careful use, instead of one that has been crossed out and written over in messy scarlet ink. Or a book with a broken spine and torn out pages, molding under the dust jacket and burnt right through the middle like someone forgot their cigarette right there on his vulnerable face and let him burn. 

Debating on bringing PANGZI in at some point bc nothing is ever complete without the Iron Triangle!! and also Pangzi is mystic nine era sounds fucking HILARIOUS (Pangzi: zHANG (daddy) RISHAN CAN SMILE??? I-IS HE ABOUT TO KILL SOMEONE?? IS HE SICK???? WHAT IS HAPPENING????? Rishan: i literally Hate you with every bone in my entire body but I hate even MORE that you’re FUNNY and i want to LAUGH at your fucking TERRIBLE JOKES) (pangzi in the future: hey. hEY. ZHANG BABY RISHAN!! rishan: excuse you it’s zhang DADDY rishan now pangzi: eXCUSE ME ZHANG DADDY (baby boy) RISHAN!! Remember that one time when you Laughed at my joke? rishan: i will Murder you pangzi, leaning over to whisper to the tiger trio: that means he LOVES me rishan: i do nOT)

Basically!! I want it to be Soft and Humorous with some good ol’ ANGST bc is it a fic of mine WITHOUT angst?? (i’ve come to terms with this like- five seconds ago). And I want Wu Xie to totally blow the Mystic Nine’s minds away while sweeping young Xiao Ge off his feet!! (Fo Ye: HAVE HIM HOME BY TEN Wu Xie: Sure :) *proceeds to bring back xiao ge at four in the morning with lovebites all over their throats*)

However, I have unfortunately have only watched One(1) Mystic Nine episode so far, so I don't feel comfortable Actually Sitting Down and Writing this yet xD