#but uh I found a video on twitter that led to a video on YouTube aaaaaannnd

[inthethickofbleeding]

If you’re like me and Michael Sheen has taken over your life I would like you to know that I will be living in this youtube video for the forseeable future.

[delicrieux]

☆ﾐ 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚊𝚢 “𝚘𝚑”

PART 10: BIG DICK IS BACK IN TOWN

y/n is back in brooklyn for the holidays. thinking that a stream will make her feel less homesick for cali, she starts working on her famously titled hentai.free.srv. what was supposed to be a relaxing stream turns into a special delivery about two hours in.

─── corpse husband x reader ─── soc. media + written fiction! ─── word count: 2.2k ─── ❥ req: Here's one... You know those apps for delivery like Domino's or whatnot... What if reader is streaming Among Us with Corpse, and reader mentions they're hungry and Corpse offers to order them food, and readers like no no it's fine... Then there's delivery at the door (Corpse ordered beforehand) 

author’s note: fucky format is also back in town baby!!! also if you find any mistakes - no u didnt <3 thank u everyone for enjoying this story sm i literally cant believe how feral yall going strawberry cow was a nuclear explosion im still recovering tbh. got an ask a while ago and decided to incorporate it into myso. happy holidays everyone! myso will continue on monday!

ultimate masterlist.  ҉  myso masterlist   ҉   previous.  ҉   next.

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Indeed, being soft on any social media platform was the biggest disgrace and needed to be eliminated post haste. Moreover, it was a slippery slope - once you start flooding your timeline with cute imagery and heart emojis, what will stop you from posting inspirational Facebook quotes? Disgusting. If Rae were here, she would chide you (not you thinking about her as if she’s dead or something). For once in your life, you feel like you deserve it. 

Alas, you hope this little chaos you’ve caused is enough to throw everyone off. The stans, especially. You know the hashtags, you’ve seen ARMY scourging for info online with the same fervor and ruthlessness 1 Direction fans hacked airport security cameras just to spy on the boys. If you had any dirty secrets online, they are out to the public now - thankfully, besides the Harry Styles stan account (with edits and all), you have nothing. Though, now that you think about it, exposed nudes would have been better than your Punk!Harry edit receiving almost a million views. God, your life’s a fucking mess.

Your fans aren’t the only ones out for info - you, too, are trying to decipher Rae’s message. Code: Barbecue Sauce. The two of you had come up with it roughly two years ago, around the same time when you promised that if you didn’t find significant others by the time you’re 40, you’ll just marry each other. It was one of the many rules found in your friendship codex. Barbecue Sauce signifies information - an exchange of information. And depending on how it ends or begins (”So I’m sitting there” alludes to Rae, “On my titties” alludes to you), secret data on that person is given away, usually free of charge. 

But why? And to whom did Rae give away what? You had pestered her mercilessly and even sent some voice messages where you were crying. You were only crying because of a video of a grandpa smiling you saw on TikTok, but you are a snake, and so you put those tears to good use. If streaming doesn’t work out, you’ll just become an actress. Hollywood would love you. Your PR firm sure as fuck wouldn’t, though.

Rae was having none of it. She said you’ll figure it out eventually. Told you to channel your superior puzzle skills. You were quick to remind her that you can barely count to ten without having an aneurysm. Oddly serious, she admitted that she worries for you sometimes. Why only sometimes?! you demanded. She merely sighed. uttering under her breath something that sounded closely to “Boke.”

You leave her for barely a week and she’s already neck deep in the gay volleyball anime, hoodie and cardboard cutout and everything. Your life is falling apart.

But Brooklyn is nice. It had snowed when you stepped off of the plane. Thousands of snowflakes sprinkling into your hair, dotting your cheeks and nose. You missed this sight back in Cali. You missed your parents, too. 

Home cooked meals, old sweaters, your old room and about 40GB worth of old high school pictures on your computer. You went through them all one night. Some were stomach churning, cringe inducing nightmares. You were especially fond of those. Texted some of your friends that were still in Brooklyn, met up, decided to bake. Bad idea, Rae was the resident chef back in Cali. Besides laughing till your stomach hurt, and almost burning down your kitchen, nothing all that significant happened. Somewhere down the line, at about 3 am, half-way through a cheesy rom-com you had the overwhelming urge to text Corpse.

That’s where the problems really started. God, you missed California, missed being in the same timezone with a guy you hadn’t even met yet, how embarrassing is that?! You missed skating around and taking pictures of the beach in the setting sun, sending it to him, silently wishing he was with you to admire the view. 

You really want to call him. And to hang out with him. But for some reason, the thought of that springs up immediate anxiety and you shy away from asking. Him sending you cute good morning texts doesn’t help, either. Maybe it’s better he doesn’t know that you’re a blushing, stuttering mess each time you read “baby”. 

Late evening. Your stream is already set up, people are slowly trickling in and you greet them with a grin and a soft “Hello! Hi hi!”. You did your best to make your room a perfectly chaotic backdrop - led lights, an embarrassing amount of anime merch and plushies. You always try to balance out your weeb side by dressing hot as fuck for your streams - today’s inspiration just so happens to be egirls. Mostly because you watched one too many egirl make-up tutorials on TikTok, and also because you’ve been listening to Corpse’s song all day.

Yeah, no, who are you kidding, you dressed up this way because you were hoping Corpse was watching your stream. You didn’t forget your cat headphones, either. You know he likes them. You want to make him suffer. Perhaps then, finally, he will ask you out, so you wouldn’t have to.

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“I feel like,” You start when you put away your phone, staring idly at the chat, “I feel like I need a new name for you guys. Calling you guys after two years of streaming is just... weird, no? I also don’t respect men so I don’t want to call you guys. Like, so many creator’s have, like, a name for their fans. Uhm, Cody Ko has the chodesters, Kurtis Conner has, uh, folks? Kurtis Town? Citizens! Markiplier has mommy issues--” You can’t help snorting, “So, I’ve been, like, thinking - I know, shocking! - so I was thinking I’m gonna name you cockroaches. Because you’re grimy little shits impossible to kill. And also then I can use the legendary Minaj meme ROACHES!”

Your stream enthusiastically echoes ROACHES, making the chat swim. Yes, if anyone would enjoy such a name, it would be your audience. You’re as equally proud as you are disturbed.

“Well, anyway.” Leaning back into your chair, you throw your arms out with a bright grin, “Big dick is back in town, baby! If you noticed the backdrops different, it’s cuz I’m in Brooklyn now. Don’t ask me when I will return to Always Sunny, I don’t plan that far ahead.”

While Minecraft boots up, you decide to answer a few questions.

r u dating sykkuno?

You want to smack your head into the keyboard, but as it is, you can’t exactly afford a new one, so you refrain, “No, Sykkuno and I are not dating, we are just good friends. Uhm, I’m not sure how much I’ll have to repeat this, but, we really aren’t, so if the roaches could chill - Oh my God, that sounds so stupid, I love it - uh, yeah, if the roaches could chill that’d be great.”

the roaches lmao sounds like we’re a sports team

“Oh shit, yeah it does, uh-- maybe I can make like, jerseys or something. That’d be cool, I think.”

how disappointed are your parents with the way your life turned out?

“My parents are actually not disappointed at all!” You say with a cute little smile, “Uhm, they’re both really proud, actually. They’re glad I found something I love doing and made a job outta it. Dad finds my Youtube videos endearing. Yes, they watch pretty much all of my videos, unless I explicitly tell them not to. And yeah, with all the fucks and thirsting for anime characters. Uhm, it was very embarrassing at first, but I mean, after a while, shame just...doesn’t exist anymore, I guess? Funny thing about my parents, actually, when they watch my videos-” You eye catches a comment, “Oh! No, they only watch my Youtube videos. They don’t know how to use Twitter, thank God. Uhm, anyway-- when they hear a name they don’t know, like, I dunno, Dabi, or something, they google--” You’re grinning by now, eyes crinkling, giggling softly, “--who that is, and buy me like, merch and stuff. It’s really cute. 

can i be adopted by ur parents plz

will you and corpse ever collab?!

You were about to answer, though the man of the hour himself decides to do it for you.

Corpse_Husband: yes.

Okay, not to say your heart skipped a beat, but it totally did. With a pleased smile, you nod, like one of those bobble head toys sold at the dollar store. The motion is oddly reminiscent of Sykkuno’s own nod. Perhaps you had picked it up from him. The chat seems to notice.

pack it up, sykkuno

More questions pile about this mysterious collab you and Corpse are planning. Yeah, you’d like to hear more about it, too, since he single highhandedly decided one was happening right now. Corpse remains silent. Fine, keep your secrets. 

“Okay, guys, oh, I mean, roaches, Oh my God--” You’re covering your mouth, giggling, “-calling all roaches, calling all roaches, calm down. Everyone grab a snack and a blanket I’m turning up the music volume so we can all chill. Entering chill zone. Entering chill zone. Roaches, prepare.”

we are prepared

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An hour or so passes and you grow hungry. It shows with the amount of cakes you had baked in your server. Currently, you find yourself throwing eggs at the wall of one of the renovated houses, your face scrunched in concentration and slight frustration. 24 of the 50 eggs have been wasted. “What’s a girl gotta do to get some chicks around here?” you had uttered under your breath, until, finally, a screech - the egg finally spawns a mob. Your mouth falls open, “Aww, look!” You approach it, so small, walking in zigzags beside you, “It’s a baby chicken! Die, bitch.” The baby chicken is no more as you swing your bedazzled (you have mods) diamond sword. You’re cackling by the time the dust settles.

y/n is a child murderer

“Roaches,” You address your fan-base, spurring another fit of laughter - you can’t get over the name, “I think I’m like, forgetting that eating in Minecraft won’t actually make less hungry in real life.”

take a break and go eat queen <3

“Fuck no, we starve and die like men. Now I actually really need another chicken.”

Another twenty minutes trickle by and you’re trying to lure back a panda from the jungle when there’s a knock on your bedroom’s door. Whipping your head to the side, you slide down your headphones. At the same time, your mom pokes her head through the ajar door, “MOM!” You scream, “Get OUT of my room I’m playing Minecraft!” But your yell has no actual bite to it, as you don’t manage to hide your smile. Your mom laughs, doing some sort of sign language and motioning for you to follow her with her head. That or it’s some sort of performative dance. 

“I’m live right now,” You tell her, pointing at your screen. She knows this already, though, “do you want to say hi?” 

The roaches spam the chat with friendly hellos. You mom, quite impatient now, waves you over. 

“Sorry, roaches, mom needs something. Be back in a bit!”

Stopping the stream, you rush out of your seat and pleased she slinks into the hallway. “What’s this about?”

“Your pizza came.”

“My what now?” You echo, confused.

“Domino’s. You ordered pizza?”

“What? No? I was busy with the stream, I never--”

Thankfully, you had managed to grab your phone from your room before you exited. You almost choke on spit once you read the messages.

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You decide that it’ll be impossible to stream after experiencing what you had just experienced. You tweet out a quick apology to the roaches (God, that fucking name) and say that you had a breakdown but you’re okay. That is as a close to the truth as you managed to muster. It’s a sad sight, chewing and crying; your mom winced when she saw your state - disheveled hair and rundown eyeliner and everything. “D’aww,” She had muttered, caressing the top of your head, “don’t cry my little raccoon.”

If anyone was ever to ask you where did your chaotic nature come from, you’d answer with my mom. To make yourself feel better, you took a selfie - duck face and peace sign and the horrible 2000′s angle. Sent it to Rae. 

looking hot, her message read. 

thanks, was all you replied with.

You couldn’t just leave things as they were. Once you calmed down, you wanted to text Corpse, but how would you follow up the ungodly caps lock and screeching? Impossible. An idea sprung to mind, one that was brave. Taking the first step.

Instead of sending a text, you sent a voice memo.

“Thank you for the pizza, it was delicious.”

You voice still sounded a bit raspy. His reply was instant. Your heart skipped a beat. He sent a voice memo back.

“Glad you liked it, baby.”

He was going to be the death of you.

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tags (in italics is those i couldn’t tag! make sure all’s ok w your settings!) : @littlebabysandboxburritos - @fairywriter-oracle - @tsukishimawh0re - @ofstarsanddreams - @bbecc-a - @annshit - @leahh19 - @letsloveimagines - @bellomi-clarke - @wineandionysus - @guiltydols - @onephootinfrontoftheother - @liamakorn - @thirstyfangirl - @lilysdaydreams - @pan-ini - @mxqicshxp - @tanchosanke - @yoshinorecommends - @flightsandfantasy - @liljennyx3 - @slashersdream - @unknown-and-invisible - @sinister-sleep - @fivedicksinatrenchcoat - @mercury–moon - @peterparkerspjsuit - @unstableye - @simonsbluee - @shinyshimaagain - @ppopty - @siriuslystupid - @crapimahuman - @ofthedewthesunlight - @mythicalamphitrite - @artsyally - @corpsesimpp - @corpsewhitetee - @corpse-husbandsimp - @hyp-oh-critical - @roses-and-grasses - @rhyrhy462 - @sparklylandflaplawyer - @charbkgo - @airwaveee - @creativedogs - @kaitlyn2907 - @loxbbg - @afuckingunicornn - @fleurmoon - @yeolliedokai - @truly-dionysus - @multi-fandom-central707

more tags are in the comments bcs tumblr only allows me to tag 50 people max 💙

[latestageyouth]

Sanders sides youtubers au

Virgil alias Anx1ety

11.8 million subs

- Pretty much just Poppy

- It started off as a joke with their college friends in 2011 but then it grew larger and people started making conspiracy theories about their channel and they just...rolled with it.

- The first music video they made wasn’t even a video it was just audio (but a really disturbing one, think faceshopping by SOPHIE)

- The only difference between Virgil and Poppy is that Virgil didn’t start off their music by fairly normal music, they just went full-on Voicemail.

- They eventually got contacted by a record company in their rise in popularity, and with that, they could release even more music.

- They do a lot of streams on twitch

- also Virgil doesn’t go in public that much in the summer and spring, as they need to cover their face to not get constant harassment from their fans, and you can’t exactly do that without getting a heat stroke

Roman alias Prince-SingALot

3.2 million subs

- Started off as a cover channel that gained attention after he started covering Disney

- He eventually started making vlogs too, mostly storytimes but then just regular ones

- His subscribers then found his Instagram. He went from having 200 followers to having 2,000 to having 2,0000 in two days

- Can play like,,,,6 instruments at once

- Prank videos? Pranks videos...

- he doesn’t care about consistency, he just makes videos that he feels like doing

(Has a strict schedule tho-)

- does cosplay and cosplay tutorials. he had once dressed up as amethyst and all the fans thirsted for him.

- made a p!tad covER ONCE and the emos converted him (golden days specifically)

Logan alias LogicVsHollywood (Later changed to TeaSpilled)

4.2 million subs (roman is still mad about the million)

- started off being CinemaSins and ended up...uh... I don’t know he’s basically a meme

- started exactly 6 and a half trends and introduced 4 new slang terms

- He was just happy living his life pointing out inconsistencies in movies but then Roman just had a make a collab with him about Disney movies and had to ruin his image of a professional asshole.

- He reads all the comments. That’s how he noticed the slang terms, so, naturally, he started using them himself. That’s also the beginning of the meme king

- He eventually started making videos on youtube drama and discourse, calling these videos “Tea Analyzed”

- He doesn’t even realize what an icon he is among teenagers, I don’t even think he could comprehend it

Patton alias Patcake

70.7 k subs

- was originally a cooking channel (like he still is but like-)

- when he didn’t talk about the recipe, he talked about his day and stuff which led to him doing ask videos which led to him doing storytimes which led to him doing-

- you get the point.

- He is everyone’s dad. Everyone’s. Are you his fan? Adopted. Are you a kid that accidentally spilled his drink on him? Adopted. Are you a rabbit? Adopted.

- he is friends with Roman and Logan and talks about them a LOT

- he once made a reaction video collaborating with Logan about Anx1ety and was traumatized for a week.

- You will literally not expect him. He just rambles on and on about his day and then he just,,,,gets like really dark and depressing for a second and then turns back into his happy self. Patton what is going on. Who hurt you. PAtttOn tHe fanS ArrE COnceRNED-

Ethan (Deceit) alias blogmylife

1.0 million subs

(notmylife - 730.6 k subs)

- his channel is a web series like EverymanHYBRID or lonelygirl15. He’s been on youtube since 2009. He is eternal. He is what the god’s fear.

- Probably appeared as an extra in some of Anx1ety’s videos. 

- He has another channel named “notmylife” which is just his personal ooc channel. He uploads conspiracy theories in there, also his pet snake videos. Also his bf. Just his stuff.

- blogmylife is run by him and Remus, but Remus has his own channel too.

- I have not figured out what the series would be about, but I reckon it would be very psychological and eerie. It would have disturbing psychological elements (Remus) mixed with some sort of “society against me” concept (Ethan)

- blogmylife also has a twitter. It is very much in character and is mostly ran by Ethan

- Anx1ety is subscribed to him. It caused a lot of commotion and a lot of Anx1ety’s fans ended up watching the web series.

Remus alias Frick

971.9 k subs

-...that’s...that’s his username...he didn’t even fucking try....

- Prank videos? Prank videos! *horrified screeching*

- Lives with Roman, so he loves fucking with his brother. But not in the “confuse not abuse” way, half of his “pranks” aren’t even funny, he’s just an asshole. There’s always some drama going on with him (which Logan very appreciates-)

-When he’s not doing that he films videos about Ethan and his snakes, or his rats.

- oh yeah, he has 2 rats. Their names are Thumb and Brian because how could he skip out such a reference but also fuck expectations ema rite?

- Also does conspiracy theories but the nigahiga kind. He just takes the most ridiculous one and connects all the dots.

- also does a lot of “controversial opinion” videos with opinions he doesn’t even have just for shits and giggles.

????? alias Anne‘s Corner

89.4 k subs

- No one really knows anything about who runs this channel

- Anne has a hood up, a bandana over their mouth and sunglasses on their face

- They do let’s plays mostly

- when they don’t do let’s plays they talk about the lgbt+ community

- there are a lot of theories about who Anne is, but Anne has a video series debunking the theories

- They also did multiple videos telling people to stop guessing who they are as it makes them very uncomfortable and telling people that they hide their identity for a reason

- records videos in their closet

-Roman asked them to collab multiple times but was always rejected

- both Logan and Ethan did a video on them separately

[jawnjendes]

the fog will clear up | shawn mendes

chapter 13/?, university au, shawn x goth oc

AN: sry its short and definitely a filler im sry its boring but it helps build up stuff thatll happen next ok ok im sry

*let me know if u wanna be added/removed from the taglist

masterlist | playlist

Annalise woke with a start. She was wide awake immediately. There was no room for sleepily rolling around the sheets, her eyes weren't heavy like always. She didn't know what dying and coming back to life felt like, but she was pretty sure it felt something like that. She had a weird urge to go for a jog.

Staring at the ceiling, Annalise reached towards the nightstand next to her, intending to grab her phone. Her hand touched the bottle, and she picked it up anyway, reading the prescription label.

Annalise Flores SERTRALINE 50MG TABLET Brand name: Zoloft

"You don't waste anytime, huh?" she murmured before setting it back down. Then, she grabbed her phone and checked the time.

8:47am. A new fucking record. Annalise rolled out of bed, unable to stay still.

In the 2 hours she had to kill before work, she tidied up the dorm, ate a decent breakfast, took a shower, and got started on the course work she had to make up. The energy levels were through the roof, she had never been so on edge and productive at the same time. Why wasn't she put on sertraline sooner? Sure, she felt hyperaware and borderline anxious, but that was apart of the process of getting on a new antidepressant. She was getting things done this way. Sure, she jumped when the lock on the door jiggled, but she was up and running anyway!

If she wasn't, she wouldn't have seen Stella entering the dorm. She was surprised to see Annalise on the couch, looking like a deer in headlights.

"Oh… I thought you were asleep. I'll, uh, I'll come back."

"No, wait!" Annalise sounded a little too frantic, but it did stop Stella from leaving. "Uh, come sit down! Please!"

Stella narrowed her eyes slightly as she went to the couch. At least she was willing to listen.

"I, uh, I'm sorry," Annalise began, rubbing the back of her neck. "I'm sorry for what I said. A stupid guy isn't the only good in my life. I have you. You matter to me, and I'm sorry for making you feel like you don't." She really couldn't stop herself from rambling. "I miss you. I miss seeing you here between classes, and I miss your optimism because a bitch could use some of that. And, and I'm sorry for the negativity I've brought in here. I'm working on it now, I swear. Just… come back. Come home… because bro, you're my wife, dude."

It could have been funny, but there was nothing funny about the way she said it. Her eyes were wide and pleading, and she was rubbing her hands together. Stella merely blinked her hazel eyes, nearly overwhelmed by that string of words.

"Look at you, expressing your emotions," she said after a while. "I can see why you hold it back."

Annalise nodded rapidly. "It's my first day on a new medication. Got me all sorts of hyped up, but I'll mellow out in a couple of weeks. And I'm taking therapy seriously again!"

Stella was surprised. "Oh, I see. Well… I've missed you too. Bro…"

"Bro?"

"I'll come home too. Camila's bed is too small for the two of us."

"Bro…"

"I know. I have to update you on all that."

"Br-"

"Okay!" Stella broke out a smile and stood up. "Dame un abrazo, puta."

That was much easier than Annalise had anticipated. She stood up and hugged her best friend, relieved. Stella wasn't one to hold a grudge, nor was she as stubborn as her roommate. It was another person to cross off the list.

~

Shawn had social media mainly to get his music out there. Yes, he interacted with his friends on Snapchat, and some fans on Twitter. Most of the time, Shawn just tweeted when he had new music coming out. He didn't check any of his social media very often, not even to stalk Ann's accounts because she was rarely on her's. He didn't even have his notifications on, purely to keep himself from the possibility of getting too attached to the opinions of random strangers online.

That was why he woke up that morning to a number of texts from Camila.

"SHAAWWNWNN"

"SHAWN IM LKTERSLLY BALD RN"

"CHEKC UR TWITTER RIGHT NOW!!!!!!"

"YOIR FOLLOWERS!!! AAHSKSKSK"

"SKSKSK SHAWNMM IM SCRAMING"

So to Twitter he went. Shawn rubbed sleep out of his eye as he went to his profile. He had around 10k to begin with, that he built up on his own over the last couple of years. He nearly dropped his phone on his face as he read the new number.

50.2k

"What… the fuck?" he breathed out as he sat up in his bed. He scrolled through the list, making sure this wasn't a series of spam bots.

His mentions were just as wild, and it explained the sudden blow up.

@hollaestor: @shawnmendes hiii bella told me to follow you

@samxriv: @shawnmendes i am free to hang out on tuesday to hang out when i am free

@gisellenjh: @shawnmendes bella sent me here and im glad she did! loving your music!

And there were plenty more like that. There were so many tweets, Shawn couldn't even get through all of them. It was making his head spin. There was only one Bella he knew about too… He just couldn't spell her last name. Thankfully, her handle was just @bellasanti, and it was the first one to pop up when he typed it in the search bar.

Right under Bella Santiago's name and the blue checkmark were the two little words: Follows you. Shawn refreshed the page ten times before it sank in. This YouTuber, who has over 2 million followers, somehow found Shawn's music… and she liked it. She liked it enough to tweet about it… 3 days ago.

@bellasanti: underrated spotify artists: @shawnmendes. give him a listen. send him some love. truly talented guy💖

Shawn had only overheard Bella's videos when Ann was watching them in the other room. He never really watched any of her content. But he wanted to pass out at the fact that she took the time to listen to his music and tweet about him. He wanted to jump on the bed. He wanted to call-

He texted Camila back. "Wtf why did no one tell me sooner?? This is so crazy!!!!!"

"We thought you knew and you were keeping it from us!! LMAO congrats rockstar!"

He couldn't believe it. His follower count was rising. He was getting emails from Spotify saying his songs were being added to many different playlists.

@shawnmendes: @bellasanti wow thank you so much! Love you bella❤

He deleted the last bit before tweeting it. Holy shit. Shawn lied back down on the mattress, completely breathless.

How does someone like Bella Santiago find Shawn out in cyberspace? What Spotify rabbit hole did she go down that led her to him? How many of his songs did she listen to? How many songs did she save to her library? How many of those playlist emails were from her? Shawn had so many questions.

~

There were two things Annalise noticed when she was out on the courtyard after Biology. The first thing was a table on the side of the walkway, with a handmade banner hanging off the front. It read in big letters: Shawn Mendes: Live at The Cameron House. Brian, Alessia. and Camila were all sat on the same side at this table, talking to a student who was interested in the little display.

"The lounge called back," Annalise muttered to herself.

The other thing Annalise noticed was Patrick sitting under a tree nearby, reading a book. She went to him first.

The last time she had spoken to Patrick was when they cut up flowers together. He was never one to explicitly state when something has upset him, and he has seen Annalise in a depressive episode before. Annalise knew him well. Patrick kept his distance because he didn't like the negativity around her, and he couldn't afford any more of it himself.

"Hey," she greeted.

His blue eyes tore away from his book to meet her gaze. "'Sup?"

"Trying to be less fucked in the head," she told him.

Patrick nodded in approval. "Cool."

That was all that was needed for the two of them. Content, Annalise turned and went for the table. A small line had formed when she wasn't looking, so she waited behind the last person. However, with three people running the thing, Annalise got to the front fairly quick.

"Oh, she actually showed up," Brian chimed, amused.

"Meaning?" Annalise asked.

"Thought you were too pissed at Shawn to care about his show, that's all."

She swallowed the pit of annoyance, discovering that even more people knew about that. Brian is his friend, though, of course he'd know.

"Selling tickets or something?" Annalise turned her attention to the two girls.

"Yeah! Ten dollars a piece!" Alessia explained.

"Cool, I'll take one."

Just as she opened the flap on her book bag, Camila spoke up.

"Wait. I'm pretty sure Shawn said he wanted to buy you your ticket himself."

Annalise rolled her eyes. "Well, he's not here and I can do things for myself." She pulled out her wallet and paid her own goddamn ticket.

Camila breathed out a laugh. "Are you ever gonna let him do anything nice for you?"

None of your fucking business.

A new thought occurred to Annalise. "Why are tickets being sold for this show? Aren't his gigs usually free?"

"There's more production going into this one," Brian told her. "The lounge gave him the option to make it a ticketed event, and we need to make back what we already put into it. So now, it won't be a performance, it'll be Shawn's performance."

Shawn already knew how to make an audience his bitch, but…

"Alright then." Annalise shrugged and then accepted her ticket and receipt from Alessia.

The ticket alone was already quite extravagant. There were little red roses designed around the edges. This boy really loved his fucking flowers.

"I'm guessing rose petals will fall from the ceiling or something?" she guessed with a chuckle.

"I was given strict orders to not spoil anything," Brian told her, folding his arms.

The two had a mini staredown until Annalise shrugged again. "Whatever."

Then, Camila piped up again, suddenly excited. "Ooh, Ann did you hear? Bella Santiago followed Shawn on Twitter!"

"She what?" Annalise stupidly replied.

Camila practically squealed. "She gave him a shoutout too! He's blowing up on Spotify! Isn't that awesome?"

Annalise wanted to say something, but her brain wasn't quite caught up yet. So she just walked away.

The other three students watched her leave. Needless to say, they were confused.

"Is she ever gonna be happy for him?" Alessia wondered.

"I think she was excited?" Camila said tilting her head.

"I can't believe Shawn is going through all this trouble for that," Brian said with a scoff.

"I can still hear you!" Annalise called over her shoulder as she kept walking.

All three of them went red in the face, embarrassed. Brian would have made a comment about her being a vampire with supersonic hearing, but he didn't want to be called out again.

_______

taglist: @normalcyisoverrated-beyou  @ilsolee @mendesromano @1-800-khalid-mendussy @kitykatnumber @strangerliaa @iloveshawnieboi @goldenmndes @shawnvvmendes @shawnsunflower @shawmndes @ruinhoney @someoneunimportantxx @calyumthomas @yourdeflightfullyleft @havethetimeeofyourlifee @wronglanemendes @chillingbythesea @softmendesss @mutuallynotmutual

[suckstobescotty]

Sam Golbach - Finding Him Again

Word count: 2000+

Notes: meant for a male reader, no use of 'Y/n'

-----

Sam had been your best friend in 3rd grade. Well, actually, he was your best friend from 3rd to 8th grade. The connection ended because you moved away. Your older sister had gotten a scholarship to UCLA, being the supportive parents that they were your full family moved to L.A. to support her. Causing your seperation with Sam.

Leaving Sam broke your heart to its' core. You had no way of contacting each other and your parents said that you'd simply 'get over it'. You did make new friends but you often told stories of your time with Sam.

"So what about your old home do you miss the most? I heard Kansas was pretty boring." A girl you had met, named Devyn, asked. You had met her through a few other friends and were getting to know her more over a Netflix binge night in your apartment.

"Oh jeez. Um, I miss the fresh air and stuff. But I mainly miss the friends I had to leave behind. I only had a few but they were more than enough. 2 girls and a boy" You said describing them like they were your own kids and you were a suburban white mom.

"Oo. Tell me some stories." She begged and you laughed a little. Devyn was fun to hang out with. The Netflix show continued to play throughout your  conversation.

"Okay hm. Well the girls were named Mariah and Katelynn. I only really hung out with them in class and we paired up in some work. The only crazy story I have with them is when we were 7 and a half and we were climbing a tree. We wanted to see what the sun set looked like up there. I fell out of the tree and broke my wrist and these girls didn't think right and they jumped down after me. Mariah sprained her foot and Katelynn was fine. She ran and got our parents who took us both to the hospital and I actually had to get surgery and I still have the scars" You showed the scars on the back of your wrist and she looked at them in interest.

"And the boy?" She asked curiously, sipping the tea like it was a mukbang.

"He was my best friend. For 5 years. We did everything together. We played games, did homework, cheated on tests, created a horrible band, had sleep overs, literally everything. His name was Sam. Well it probably still is, but you know what I mean" she laughed at your joke "the craziest story I have with him is probably the famous story of how we met. It was in 3rd grade that we met. Sam was a geeky kid and I was the kid that always played soccer. So when I was playing soccer against the wall I kicked the ball too hard, it slammed and went flying behind me and smacked Sam hard in the face. My instant reaction was to help him up and make sure he was okay and he was. I went to get the ball and somehow we played together? I think we invented wall ball with a soccer ball" You finished your story and Devyn laughed.

~~~

Devyn had been your friend for two years now. She was moving in with her boyfriend in his house where he had some roommates so you were helping her pack.

"So who are his room mates? Have you met them?" You asked curiously as you wrapped her mugs in paper for safe transfer

"Yeah I have. They're all super nice and kinda cute. Corey is the only one for me though. The others are Elton who is 25 or 26 and he's sweet, Colby is like an inner 12 year old child and he's nice, Aaron is sweet too and innocent, then there is a guy named Sam who is friends with Colby since like freshman year. " Devyn explained and you nodded.

"Sounds fun. 1 girl and 5 guys." You smiled a little as you closed the box.

"Yeah. I'm not the only girl though. Elton has a dog." You both burst out laughing. Soon you had packed the whole kitchen and Devyn was done her living room.

"Thanks for the help! Corey is coming by later to put it all in a truck. Once we are all settled in, we will hold a little get together and you can come by. Sound good?" She offered hugging you tight. You hugged her back happily. You were happy for her. You left to your sad lonely apartment again. The same one you had had for 4 years. You had a nice Cauliflower steak for dinner while watching supernatural and then went to bed. Life was boring for you.

~1 week later~

That name had been begging you forever. Devyn had said she lived with a guy named Sam now. You had tried to convince yourself that it wasn't Sam. It wasn't the Sam you had lost all those years ago. But you couldn't help but hope.

"Hey. You okay?" Devyn asked from next to you, as she was driving to her new home. Your car had been stolen 2 days ago, right out of the parking lot of target. Devyn had been driving you anywhere you needed since then. Which had only been home from target,  and now to her new house.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Just thinking." You said with a  smile, you were fine actually. You felt good lately, like something really great was going to happen soon.

"Okay. Well this is my street so we are almost there. It's just going to be everyone that lives there, you, and two of Corey's dance friends. So you're not the only guest." Devyn had learned quickly about your out-of-place anxiety. You were extremely anxious of standing out, simply because it always creates awkward situations.

"Oh cool. Thanks." Devyn parked in the driveway of a huge house and got out of her car. The house was bigger when standing up somehow. Devyn led you to the front door and opened it with ease.

"Welcome to my humble home." Devyn laughed gently. Corey noticed the presence in the house and came out of what you could see as the kitchen. He kissed her and hugged you. You had become close with Corey too over the years.

"I'm Elton. I run TFIL" a man with a beard greeted you. He had approached from behind Corey. You shook his hand and bro hugged him happily. He had a welcoming aura to him.

"Oh, yes. I saw a few of your videos before. Your dog is especially beautiful" You smiled and Elton nods before rambling about his dog as the 4 of you wandered to the kitchen and kept talking. Soon a man named Aaron joined after making some egg whites, which you suggested paprika for and Aaron had declared his respect for you on his soul.

"Corey where's Colby and Sam?" Devyn asked and Corey shrugged before walking to the stairs.

"Sam! Colby! Come join our guests!" Corey yelled very loudly. Devyn laughed a little. A few moments passed before a man with brown hair came down shirtless. His blue eyes were caught in the sunlight, so did his muscular torso as he came and sat down. You scrolled through twitter and sipped on a drink Devyn had got you.

"I'm Colby. Sorry for not being fully dressed" Colby introduced himself and laughed awkwardly.

You simply shrugged and responded "don't be. Seeing someone like you shirtless doesn't bother me." You smirked and Colby blushed. Corey snickered at the interaction. Then you heard footsteps coming towards the table and looked up to see a blonde approaching.

He was tall but not as tall as Colby, maybe 5"9. He was in a maroon sweater that said Now or Never on the front and some black skinny jeans. His eyes were blood shot and Colby instantly looked concerned.

"Sam, dude, what's wrong?" He asked worriedly as Sam sat next to him.

"Uh nothing. Just a call from my mom. We were talking about my childhood for a video and it just reminded me of old friends." Sam shrugged. Colby nodded abd hugged Sam with one arm. It didn't take long for some alcohol to be brought out. However you were straight edge. You weren't about to drink.

Devyn had thoroughly introduced you to everyone as her gay best friend. You didn't mind though. There was something about Sam that was like a magnet. There was a connection there and you swear Sam could feel it too. You caught him staring multiple times.

You took a final sip of your soda before putting it down and walking over to Sam "hey." You greeted trying to seem calm.

"Oh hey. Um, what's up?" Sam asked a little awkwardly. Not that he wasn't already being awkward standing against the wall at a get together in his own home.

"Nothing. I was just wondering if maybe you want to go outside? Corey has the music way too loud" You lied. The music was fine. You just wanted some alone time with him. Sam agreed and went to grab two new sodas out of the fridge. Devyn caught your eye and gave you a nod of encouragement.

Outside was a little chilly because of a coastal wind. However you were fine. Climbing to the top of the jumping platform, it was a silent agreement to just sit there and talk.

"So where you from?" Sam asked curiously. "Like now and before" He clarifies quickly making you smile.

"Oh um. Now I live in East hollywood in a little apartment alone. I moved here before highschool to support my sister with my parents. Before that I was in Kansas." You explained taking a sip. Sam widened his eyes slightly but nodded.

"I'm from Kansas too. I moved with Colby when we started youtube." He laughed gently.

The conversation continued smoothly. Little questions that seemed personal for two people that just met. Such as memories of the past, any favourite pets, etc.

"Okay this may seem really weird but what was life like before L.A.?" Sam asked curiously. This was the make or break question.

"Oh. Um. It was good. My parents have always loved my sister more. She succeeded in everything and I was only ever good at soccer. That's how I met my best friend in grade 3. I kicked the ball too hard and it smashed into the wall and then into this kids face. We played together since and grew up together. Supported eachother through thick and thin. In fact... I came out to him a few weeks before I moved. It hurt to move away because he and I grew up together for 5 years and I had to leave him behind." You confessed and Sam instantly teared up.

"Fuck.." He covered his mouth and tried to keep the tears away. Your suspicions were confirmed when he tackled you in a hug and you hugged him back tearing up too. "I didn't think I'd find you again" Sam whimpered. Tears were steadily flowing. You had found your best friend that you lost all those years ago.

- stop reading here if you wish for the story to end simply as friends -

A few minutes had passed before you both were calm enough to speak again. "We owe this to Devyn y'know? If I had never met her-" You started but Sam cut you off.

"Let's not think about that." He seemed scared of that thought. "I have a question though" Sam smiled.

"Shoot" You said leaning against the wooden beams in interest.

"Do you remember what your old best friend did after you came out to him?" He asked and you smirked

"Something like," You leant forward again "this" your hands cupped his cheeks and his lips locked to yours. Fitting together just like they had when you were 12. Your hands moved to around his neck as his pulled you closer by your waist. The kiss was deep, and filled with a love that had a depressing beginning but had never ended.

About an hour of further catching up on what had happened between ninth grade and now, and some more kissing, you both returned back into the house. Devyn gave a knowing look and wagged Sams camera near you both "reunion was filmed" she simply says before leaving back to a plastered Corey.

Sam offered some cuddling, some watching youtube, and a lot more catching up if you joined him upstairs.

"Let's go" You smiled and followed him.

[lachlantrash]

"Would it be alright if we just sat and talked for a little while?"

"Can we please just order out tonight? I really, really don't feel like cooking Sawyer." You complain to your three year old who is very stubbornly requesting mac and cheese for dinner.

"Mac and cheese, mumma. I'll help." Sawyer says, shaking his head no as he tries to get on top of the counter.

"I'm home, and I brought pizza!" Lachlan announces, walking in the house with a box of pizza.

"Yay, pizza!" Sawyer says, running to the front door to wrap his arms around one of Lachlan's legs. Lachlan laughs, dragging Sawyer into the kitchen with the pizza.

"C'mon bub, get off daddy so he can get you some pizza." You say, pulling Sawyer off Lachlan's leg.

"Thanks." Lachlan sighs out, sending you a genuine smile which you try to send back. It's been almost two months since you walked in on Lachlan drunkenly making out with a girl at a friend's party, almost two months of you two pretending nothing is wrong for your son. In reality Lachlan just started sleeping in the same bed as you a week ago, before that he was sleeping on an air mattress on the floor. "Here buddy, go take this to the couch. Mumma and I will join you in two minutes." Lachlan says, ruffling Sawyer's hair as he hands him a plate with a cut up piece of pizza on it.

"Thank you for bringing home pizza after my emergency text. The little man really wanted mac and cheese but I just don't have it in me to cook tonight." You say appreciatively once Sawyer leaves the room, grabbing two more plates for yourself and Lachlan.

"No problem babe, but uh... You and I need to talk at some point about something." Lachlan says awkwardly, making your heart race.

"What do you mean? Talk about what?" You ask, worry obvious in your voice. Your mind immediately drifts off to Lachlan having cheated again, immediately you're thinking he's going to admit to having had that same situation happen with other women and sometimes it led to something more than just making out.

"No babe, (Y/N), no. I didn't cheat on you again, calm down." He says reassuringly. "I hate that I have to say 'again', fuck me... But no, I'm never going to cheat on you again. The first time was a drunken mistake, and now I'm not even drinking at home let alone when we're not at home. But uh, it has to do with the night you walked in with the girl on me..." Lachlan trails off awkwardly.

"What about it?" You ask, not feeling completely reassured with the way Lachlan is approaching whatever he's trying to talk about. You try to busy yourself with putting pizza on the plates you took out.

"It's just that, well, my fans found out. The girl told her friend who happened to watch a lot of my videos... And I guess the girl I was kissing took a photo of her and I together when we were in that room and well, the friend posted it on twitter and my fans are freaking out and tweeting you like crazy and just... I'm sorry." He sighs out, placing his head in his hands.

"Your fans know you cheated on me? They know I stayed with you after you cheated on me?" You ask in a small voice, putting the plates of pizza on the kitchen island.

"They do, but I can clear it all up! I could always say it's an old photo, I could, I could admit to everything, I'll handle it however you want, okay? Please don't just walk out over this though, we've been doing a lot better! Please don't leave me." He says weakly, lifting his head to look at you.

"Okay." You say hesitantly, leaving the kitchen to go sit with Sawyer, grabbing your phone off the charger where it's been sitting almost all day so you can look at some of the tweets you're getting. As soon as you sit on the couch, Sawyer silently pulls himself into your lap with his plate of pizza as he watches an old episode of 'Scooby Doo' that's playing on the television.

With one hand you clutch onto Sawyer, the other scrolling through tweets of people apologizing for what you must be going through, people demanding answers for how you could stay in a relationship with a man cheating on you, people screaming that you need to divorce Lachlan. Tears well up in your eyes that you only let fall silently, no sounds leaving you as you continue reading the constant reminders that your husband couldn't remain loyal to you while in a heightened state.

"(Y/N), you left your pizza in the kitchen." Lachlan laughs nervously, walking into the living room to assess the situation, his face falling when he notices your tears. "Sawyer, sit next to your mom so she can eat." Lachlan suggests as he hands you a plate with a piece of pizza on it, sitting next to you with a space for Sawyer to move into.

"Thanks." You sniffle, rubbing your eyes quickly before locking your phone before returning it to the table beside the couch. You put on a show for the next two hours for your son, acting as though nothing has happened to put a dip in your mood until finally he's fast asleep, letting you be able to talk to Lachlan without any filter.

"I want you to be honest about the whole situation, Lachlan." You say from your closet, the door that connects it to the bedroom open.

"Are you sure? I'll do it if it's what you want, I don't care about my image. I just want to make sure you want everyone knowing." Lachlan asks from the bedroom. You put your clothes in the hamper, grabbing a baggy white t-shirt with a pair of yoga shorts before returning to the bedroom in just your bra and panties.

"Yes, I'm sure. Just do a livestream now and clear it up, I want to wake up to as little tweets about it as possible." You say, looking at Lachlan as you put your clothes on. "I'll do it with you, because I want everyone to hear my side. Hear why I stayed, why I didn't just leave you." You add.

"God, I'm so happy you didn't just leave me. I don't care how long it takes for us to fall asleep cuddling or for you to feel comfortable kissing me daily, I'm just happy you love me enough to let me stay." Lachlan says, laying back in the bed. "Alright, I'll get my laptop set up. You're sure on this?" He asks one more time as he sits up.

"I have to be sure on this, because if I keep reading damn tweets I'm probably gonna start sleeping in Sawyer's room." You say as a joke, though you're not too sure how far from reality the statement actually is.

"Alright, here goes nothing." Lachlan says, throwing a smile to you as you sit beside him in bed. He reaches to the bedside table and grabs his laptop, getting it on before getting a livestream suddenly started on youtube.

"Hi guys... Sorry for no notice on this livestream, but I just need to say some things. Would it be alright if we just sat and talked for a little while?" He asks rhetorically, knowing he's gonna do it anyways. "Yeah, I'm here with my wife, (Y/N)." Lachlan says, letting you wave to the camera as you awkwardly sit in the background.

"So um, guys... I just want to talk about the photo going around... The one of me kissing that girl, y'know, in a bed at a party, a girl that's not my wife." Lachlan starts with a sigh. "I wish it was fake. It's not, it's real and yes it fucked up my home life. But it's almost two months old, it's from a party (Y/N) and I went to. I got wasted, completely fucking wasted. My wife walked into a room to find me, and instead walked in on the live action version of that photo. That photo isn't just a representation of the kind of man, the kind of husband I can be if I have too much alcohol, but it represents the hurt I put (Y/N) through. It's not fair to her for all of you to tag her in it, okay? She's seen it, she walked in on it actually happening, and I promise you she's going through so much pain from it as is. Please, at the very least respect her enough not to add to the pain I'm causing her. Anything you guys do is a reflection on me, please don't make life any harder for her." Lachlan begs, tears already falling from your face as you remember vivid detail of Lachlan's lips moving against hers.

"(Y/N), she um... She wanted to talk to you guys about it... Do you, do you still want to?" Lachlan asks, turning to you with his heart breaking because he wants to reach out and let you cry onto his shoulder, but he knows better than anyone that when you're upset over hurt he's caused, the last thing you want is for him to touch you without you asking.

"Yeah, I do." You say, trying to rid the signs of your hurt from your face before moving Lachlan's laptop so you're in view.

"I'm just gonna ask, please don't bring it up to me again after tonight. I know, I chose to stay with Lachlan after he cheated on me. I'm a shame to women everywhere, I get it. I just want my side to be shown, I want to explain why I'm staying." You sniffle, looking at Lachlan with pleading eyes letting him know you need some help. He responds instantly by coming closer to you, running his hand up and down your back soothingly as he tries to coax you to continue silently.

"I'm married to him. We aren't just fucking around dating, I can't just walk out on him without going through a hell of a legal process. Do any of you know how much work goes into getting a divorce? I couldn't go through that in the state I was in, I don't want to go through it." You say, a small laugh leaving your mouth as you think about the amount of paperwork a lawyer would've wanted you to file while you spent the first three days basically crying in bed.

"Lachlan and I have a son together. A three year old son who is my sunlight on dark days, the boy keeps me moving everyday and helps me get through this in ways nobody else can because he's mine and he's pure. I could never put my son through any pain. If I took Sawyer away from Lachlan, he'd break. He'd be in pain, he'd be crying, and I refuse to let my relationship problems hurt my son. Yeah split custody is a thing, but honestly that would hurt Sawyer too. He'd be wondering why his mumma and daddy don't love each other anymore, and there's no point to any of that when at the end of the day, no matter how hurt I am, I know Lachlan and I still love each other. It sounds stupid, he cheated on me and I know he still loves me." You say, turning to look at Lachlan, whose eyes have not stopped watching you intently.

"And Lachlan, well since that night he's changed. I guess I am stupid because I trust him. He promised me as soon as he realized what he did that he would change. He promised he wouldn't go to parties, he wouldn't drink, and I'd never find him in a compromising situation. Since that night almost two months ago, Lachlan hasn't touched alcohol. I have not once heard him complaining to his buddies about wanting to drink. Hell, I told him to drink at home yet he decided he isn't going to. He has turned down any party besides birthday parties for family and extremely close friends because he doesn't want to risk anything. This man has done nothing but prove how much he regrets that night to me for these past two months, and he's shown me he is going to change. Our marriage, our family is worth more to him than even chancing fucking everything up just to drink at some party. Call me stupid for forgiving him, and if he does it again I'll fully agree with all of you, but right now we're okay. We're moving on from it, please let us." You say, trying not to show any weakness as you speak.

"(Y/N) has done nothing but be the worlds best mom since this has happened. She was already the best mom before this, but since this whole ordeal she's just shown me ten times over how strong she is. Sawyer has no idea her and I are even going through a hiccup, he believes we're fine and it's because of the front (Y/N) puts on to protect that kid. Hell, the only reason you guys didn't find out sooner is because she can pretend everything is fine, she can protect my image because of how loving she is even if she is hurting inside. It's only right if you guys leave her out of any ill thoughts you have. If you really need to share them, feel free to at me or DM me, but if I see anybody else contact my wife over this I will personally block you." Lachlan says, not knowing how to make it clear in any other way that he wants you to be left out of it.

"Yes, I regret doing it and obviously I'm trying to move on from it. (Y/N) had it in her to give me another chance, and yes we're taking it slow right now, but you guys should give me another chance too if you can. Thank you for hearing us out, we're off to bed now." Lachlan says, turning to you. "Anything else to add?" He asks.

"No, bye guys." You sigh, watching Lachlan end the livestream before flopping back into bed.

"Are you okay?" He asks quietly, not sure if you want to talk.

"I'm gonna be okay." You murmur as you hear him shuffling about before finally the lights are out in your room and Lachlan is lying on his back beside you. "Is it okay if for just tonight if I use you as my pillow, just like I used to? Just for tonight we pretend nothing ever happened, we can cuddle again? It's not gonna be a nightly thing, and if you think it's a tease it's fine we don't have to-"

"Shh, yes. Yes, please use me in any way you need to. It doesn't have to be nightly, even if it only happens tonight it's okay. Whatever is going to help you." Lachlan cuts you off, pulling you into him so your head is resting on his chest.

"I still love you, Lachlan." You sigh, secretly relishing in being in his arms again.

"I love you too, (Y/N). Now get some sleep, you deserve it." He says, rubbing his hand up and down your back to ease you into slumber.

[segadores-y-soldados]

Reaper and Soldier: 76 Resources

I will write this once: there IS a “Read more” link.

This post is meant to be a collection of “in-universe” canon, “in-game” official, “out-of-game” official, and non-official discussion sources about Reaper (Gabriel Reyes), Soldier: 76 (Jack Morrison), and their relationship.  It is not specifically an analysis, discussion, or write-up, but at times it will include those.

This is going to include shipping topics or discussions, specifically the ones focused on a romantic relationship between Reaper and Soldier: 76.  

It will occasionally bring up additional characters - such as Ana Amari, Reinhardt Wilhelm, and Moira O’Deorain (to name a few) - in order to discuss how their relationships contrast with the one between Reaper and Soldier: 76.

The resources are organized as follows:

Canon story resources: resources that tell parts of the story events.

In-game details: official in-game details such as map details and interactions, and what they reference

Official statements made by Blizzard developers, specifically Michael Chu, Jeff Kaplan, and Geoff Goodman

Unofficial discussion posts on Reaper, Soldier: 76, Moira, Doomfist, and other characters (e.g. my essays, posts about map details, posts about interactions, etc).

Here we go:

Canonical Resources (“in-universe” story events):

In order of in-story timeline events:

SEP and the Omnic Crisis: Thirty years “in the future” (with 2016 being the year the game launched, rough projections are about 2046) and thirty years before the events of “Recall” (2076), the robot models built by the defunct and bankrupt Omnica Corporation launch a global attack on humanity.  The war rapidly escalates, with “human” problems - politics, mismanagement, and egos, for example - complicating humanity’s ability to counterattack.  The United States government begins a secret military program called “The Soldier Enhancement Program” which injects nanobiological genetic modifications into soldiers, “enhancing” their abilities.  In this program, Gabriel Reyes - given the id number of “Soldier: 24″ - meets Jack Morrison, a relatively new “recruit” with the id number of “Soldier: 76.”

At an unspecified point, both Gabriel and Jack agree to leave the U.S. military and Soldier Enhancement Program for a new, secret United Nations task force called “Overwatch.”  Overwatch was charged with developing a new, unconventional strategy to end the war, and recruited a few specialized paramilitary soldiers and engineers: an Egyptian sniper with a cybernetic eye, a German “Crusader” with a rocket powered armor set, and the Swedish engineer who designed the Omnics.

Under the command of Gabriel Reyes, the group of five (known) soldiers set out to save humanity...and change history.

---

The Golden Age of Overwatch: The above image occurs 10 years after the start of the Omnic Crisis, and 20 years before the events of “Recall.”  Michael Chu has said the following:

“You’ve got your prime, original generation characters: Gabriel, Ana, Jack, Reinhardt, and Torbjörn.  You have an 11-to-12 year old Pharah, you have McCree who’s just been recruited into Blackwatch, you have university-student Mercy who’s visiting the Overwatch base.”

Ages in the photo:

Gabriel: 38 years old (50 at “Retribution,” 58 at “Recall”) Jack: age unknown, approximately 28-35 years old Ana: 40 years old Reinhardt: 41 years old Torbjörn: 37 years old Fareeha: 11-12 years old McCree: 16-17 years old Angela: 16-17 years old

After the end of the Omnic Crisis, Overwatch transforms from a task force of approximately 5 people to a global peacekeeping organization.  Jack is promoted to Strike-Commander, and Gabriel becomes the commander of Overwatch’s covert ops division, Blackwatch.  The two men work together publically and privately to lead the two major halves of the organization, and while their personal lives are not fully detailed, Jeff Kaplan has stated that “they loved each other”.  He has also stated that “Gabriel Reyes was Jack Morrison’s partner.”  Both sources are linked below.

Despite all the issues the organization faces, the two men remain constant and lifelong companions, even though the next several events.

(A lot more under the cut.  I’m not kidding.  This is pretty much everything I have on Reaper and Soldier: 76 - canon, “official”, and unofficial.  It is not a lore analysis or discussion essay: it is, by and large, simply an archive of all the stuff I have.  It’s a summary of a summary, a reference of references.)

(You have been warned.)

---

Moira’s recruitment: Approximately 10 to 8 years before the events of “Recall.”  Roughly twenty to twenty-two years have passed since the events of the Omnic Crisis.  Something is beginning to occur in Gabriel, possibly as a side effect of the SEP “enhancements” he received during the war.  He recruits Moira O’Deorain, a geneticist described as “equal parts brilliant and controversial”.  Gabriel is interested in seeking her help for his condition, and begins participating in Moira’s experiments...

Though who knows if she is genuinely trying to help him find a cure, or if she has her own ambitions for Gabriel’s “true potential”...

Moira’s Origin video: Youtube link

Michael Chu’s statements on Gabriel’s condition:

Twitter conversation with a fan on Reaper’s condition: twitter link

> User: But does that mean Reyes has been Reaper before Overwatch fell? > Michael: I’ll let you draw your own conclusions but the wording on Reaper’s bio is intentional.

Twitter conversation with a fan on if Reaper ages: twitter link

> Michael: One more PSA for the day: Tracer does age. The characters some people assume are trapped in time (Tracer, Mercy, Widowmaker, Mei) all age. > User: You missed an important one there - What about Reaper? Can he even still be considered alive in his state? > Michael:  That's a good question. ;)

Moira Blizzcon 2017 Panel: transcript

> Quote:  “She was recruited by Gabriel Reyes to be a member of Blackwatch.  And uh, during that time she had relationships with the Blackwatch crew - McCree, Genji - they all have their own sort of likes and dislikes for each other.  Reyes wanted someone could help advise him on, uh, some matters of genetics that he was, uh, interested in, shall we say.” - Michael Chu

Though this will be discussed in the “in-game” section in more detail, the following can be found on Oasis, in the University level:

In Moira’s lab:

A folder labeled: “Soldier ID: 24 | Classified”

“Genetic Conditioning and Regenerative Properties of Applied Nanobiotics.” by Dr. Angela Zieglder, MD, Ph. D.

And in the Chemistry lab (NOT Moira’s):

“Repairing Degenerative Genetic Structures.”  Labeled with a “Draft” note, and the logo for Moira’s Genetics lab.

---

Retribution: The events of “Retribution” occur 8 years before Winston initiates “Recall.”  After an Overwatch facility is attacked in Oslo, Norway, Blackwatch agent Gérard Lacroix connects the attack to Antonio, a major Talon leader based in Venice.  He briefs Blackwatch Commander Gabriel Reyes and Blackwatch agent Jesse McCree on the situation at a new facility in Rome, Italy.  However, the facility is attacked, leaving Gérard in a critical condition (though he is expected to make a full recovery).  Gabriel turns to Overwatch Strike-Commander and his lifelong partner Jack Morrison to discuss Overwatch’s options in dealing with Talon and Antonio.

Attack on the Oslo Overwatch base: Blizzard official archives link

“Retribution” comic: Blizzard post; PDF link

Gabriel’s debriefing: “Retribution” game mode trailer; PlayOverwatch official audio

All Retribution interactions: Hammeh/Failcraft link; Overwatch Interactions link

McCree’s ending narration: Youtube link

---

Uprising: The events of “Uprising” take place approximately 1 year after “Retribution” and 7 years before Winston initiates “Recall.”  An Omnic leader named Tekhartha Mondatta arrives in King’s Row, London for a groundbreaking ceremony on a new Omnic housing project.  However, the hostile Omnic group named “Null Sector” attacks, taking him, the London mayor, and many others as hostages.  Null Sector takes over the city, and even though Overwatch offers to help, the United Kingdom denies the organization access to the country.  With the situation growing increasingly critical, pressure is placed on Jack to make a decision.  However, Gabriel has a few plans of his own, and sends McCree into King’s Row to investigate - I mean, for a “vacation.”

“Uprising” comic: Blizzard official; PDF link

Uprising teaser: Youtube link

Uprising Interactions: Hammeh/Failcraft link - while these are primarily between the four playable characters (Tracer, Reinhardt, Mercy, and Torbjörn), I’ve included the link just in case.

Uprising - Reyes and the team: Youtube link

---

Legacy: The events of “Legacy” occur sometime after “Uprising” but before the “fall” of Overwatch, approximately 6-7 years before Winston initiates “Recall.”  One of the Overwatch Strike Teams, led by Jack and Ana, conduct a mission to rescue some scientists who were taken hostage by Talon forces.  During the mission, a “new sniper” shows up and begins taking down Overwatch forces.  Ana starts engaging in a shoot-off with the sniper, and sends in her remote drones to blow up the sniper’s position.  During the explosion, Jack manages to get the rest of the team and the scientists to the dropship.  However, Ana refuses to regroup, and when Jack orders her to return, she defies his instructions and turns off her communication device.  Ana manages to get a shot off on the sniper, but when the sniper’s helmet is damaged, she is shocked to see that the sniper is Amélie Lacroix, who had been presumed dead.  Ana hesitates, allowing Widowmaker to get a critical shot on Ana’s rifle and her cybernetic eye.

“Legacy” comic: Blizzard official; PDF link 

Ana Origin video: Youtube link

This comic is included because it shows a major plot point - Ana’s “death” - which becomes something of an “issue” between Gabriel and Jack.  The comic also shows Jack and Ana’s relationship, in which Ana defies Jack’s orders to pursue a sniper battle with Widowmaker.

The video is included because it is later referenced by Michael Chu in his 2017 GDC talk.  Also important in the video is a group shot of the “early” Overwatch team, and includes an image of Reinhardt’s hand on Ana’s shoulders.

---

The fall: The “fall” of Overwatch takes place approximately 6 years before Winston initiates “Recall.”  Almost no in-universe sources exist that fully detail the events of the explosion of the Swiss Base.

Soldier: 76 Origin video: Youtube link

“Fading Glory: On the Trail of Jack Morrison”: Blizzard official

The article link is italicized because personally, I would not cite this as an accurate, in-universe source any more.  Close to 100% of the article’s details, quotes, and “news” have been retconned (e.g. Jack’s enlistment has changed completely), rewritten (e.g. Mercy’s age and the source of her quote), or proven unreliable (e.g. the “promotion” caused some sort of schism between Jack and Gabriel, which Retribution proves isn’t true).  In the real world Overwatch development timeline, the article is nearly three years old at the time of this post.  However, for the sake of completeness, I have included it here.

While the Soldier: 76 Origin video is just as old as the article, the details in it are “vague enough” that they remain semi-reliable.  Furthermore, the map in “Uprising” remains comparable to the map in the video.

---

Recall: Approximately six years after the explosion of the Swiss Base and the official disbandment of Overwatch by the Petras Act, Winston lives with the AI program Athena in the remains of Watchpoint: Gibraltar.  He is testing a new type of spherical shield, but his prototype fails.  Frustrated, Winston starts watching the news, but hears about the rising tolls of the Second Omnic Crisis in Russia.  He starts the process of initiating the recall of Overwatch agents, but is chided by Athena not to put himself or the others in danger.  However, Winston’s lab is suddenly attacked by a Talon squad, led by the mercenary “Reaper.”

Recall: Youtube link

“Recall” is included in this collection as the first time “Reaper” officially appears in the in-universe timeline.  While he likely worked on unknown events before this, this is our current “starting point” for him.

---

Hero: Shortly after “Recall” is initiated, Alejandra is sent by her mother to get more flour for their bakery.  Alejandra is annoyed with her mother because she keeps treating her “like a baby,” but Alejandra does not realize that her mother is worried her daughter will be forced to make a choice between standing up for what’s right, and doing what’s easy.  On the way to the store, Alejandra runs into members of Los Muertos, an arms-dealing gang that terrorize the streets of Dorado.  They attempt to pressure her into bullying an Omnic, but when Alejandra backs down, they take her coin purse and drive off with it.  Angry, Alejandra chases their truck down, but stumbles across a different sort of terrifying confrontation as the vigilante “Soldier: 76″ attacks the Los Muertos members...

Hero: Youtube link

Prior to “Hero”:

Soldier: 76 breaks into Watchpoint: Grand Mesa:  “Experimental Weapon Stolen from Watchpoint: Grand Mesa”; PlayOverwatch official teaser

Following “Hero”: “LumériCo Vision for Mexico Unveiled, but Threats to Safety Remain a Concern”

Like “Recall”, this is the “first official” appearance of “Soldier: 76″ in the in-universe story events.  Articles detail how he stole the new model of the Heavy Pulse Rifle from the now-Helix-run Watchpoint: Grand Mesa, and then eventually made his way into Mexico.  It is important to note that Soldier: 76 is almost an exact “mirror” to Retribution-era Gabriel, including everything from his more intense, renegade personality down to the way he dresses.  

Though it will be covered more in-depth in the “in-game” official section, Soldier: 76 is the only character besides Sombra to be interested in LumériCo’s activities.

---

Old Soldiers: Soldier: 76 has made his way to Giza, Egypt: he is looking for the bounty hunter known as “The Shrike.”  He finds out that Hakim - a Talon associate - is particularly frustrated by the Shrike’s actions and is looking to bring the bounty hunter down.  Soldier: 76 heads to Hakim’s compound, where he hears an exchange between Hakim and Reaper on the comms.  Soldier: 76 recognizes Reaper by voice alone, and (after defeating the guards) enters Hakim’s compound on his own.  Reaper shadow steps in behind him and shoots him in the back.  However, “the Shrike” comes to Soldier: 76′s rescue, shooting him with a healing dart, revitalizing him.  The Shrike removes their facemask to reveal Ana Amari, who is still alive.  Soldier: 76 and Reaper engage in a fistfight (where Ana recognizes who Reaper is even with his “costume”), and Ana takes several shots to hinder Reaper.  Reaper rushes up to her, discovers that Ana is alive, and engages in another fistfight with her.  As the two are falling, Ana unmasks Reaper is is horrified by what she sees:

Reaper then flees, leaving Soldier: 76 to reveal himself as Jack.  Jack asks Ana to join him in his “war.”  Ana accepts because even though she’s not interested in fighting for “his war”, she believes Jack needs someone to watch his back.

“Old Soldiers” comic: Blizzard official; PDF link

This comic was one of the first major “plot twists” released by Blizzard after Overwatch launched.  It revealed that Ana Amari was still alive, that Reaper had been “left to suffer” by Overwatch - and by Jack.

However, several major things stand out:

1. Ana Amari had not been left to die, meaning that part of Reaper’s explanation to her was either outright misguided or a lie.

2. Since the comic’s release, we now know that a combination of other factors “created” Gabriel’s current condition: the SEP experiments, Moira’s experiments, and the Swiss Base explosion.

3. At no point in the comic does Jack ever blame Gabriel for the explosion of the Swiss Base or the fall of Overwatch.

4. Since the comic’s release, we have seen additional comics that show that Gabriel and Jack had a significantly closer relationship than had previously been implied.  This includes Jack being semi-aware of or granting his personal approval to unsanctioned Blackwatch missions.

5. We now know that Gabriel’s driving motivation (at the time of “Retribution”) was actually protecting Jack and keeping him and other Overwatch members safe.

Followed by:

While we still know very little about the actual fall of Overwatch and the Swiss Base explosion, more recent story revelations have shown that a lot of the “plot points” of “Old Soldiers” are either invalidated, misguided (on Reaper’s part), or possibly intentionally misleading.

The last point is especially important for the next two events:

---

Infiltration: “Infiltration” occurs several “months” after “Hero” and sometime after the Sombra ARG concludes on Día de Muertos, 2076.  During the course of the half-in-universe, half-in-game Augmented Reality Game to “unlock” Sombra, it is revealed that LumériCo has direct and probably corrupt ties to the Vishkar Corporation and Volskaya Industries.  A small Talon squad composed of Reaper, Widowmaker, and Sombra go to assassinate Katya Volskaya, the CEO, on orders of the Talon leader, Vialli.  The mission is set up so that Widowmaker can snipe her from across her facilitity; however, before Widowmaker can take the shot, the alarm goes off.  Reaper “makes an attempt” to slip in and kill Katya, but is stopped from his “long-range” shotgun shot by the new Volskaya mech.  He instructs Sombra to recover the rest of the mission.  However, Sombra has her own plans...

Infiltration: Youtube link

Prior to “Infiltration”: the LumériCo website is updated for the Sombra ARG, showing an email from Sanjay Korpal of Vishkar.

“Infiltration” is the second official mission we have seen Reaper in - the first is “Recall”, and the second is the “Cinematic Trailer”, where Reaper and Widowmaker attempt to steal Doomfist’s Gauntlet from a museum, but are stopped by Winston and Tracer.

“Infiltration” is important because Sombra is finally introducted directly in the story.  “Infiltration” is also important because it is the first time we know 100% that Reaper deliberately undermined and “threw” a mission (based on his statements in “Masquerade”).  

This leads to the following questions: has Reaper “thrown” other missions in the past (the database collection from “Recall,” the museum heist from the “Cinematic Trailer,” his “trap” in “Old Soldiers”, etc)?

And if he has thrown other missions, why did he do it?

Reaper and Sombra received the following interactions upon her release:

Sombra: What are we doing today, Gabe?  You don't mind if I call you 'Gabe', do you?

Reaper: Stick to the mission.

Reaper: Try to stick to the plan, Sombra.

Sombra: Look, someone has to be ready when all your ‘careful planning’ doesn't pan out.

According to Michael Chu, these interactions can be confirmed as effectively canon.

(Source)

There are a few key takeaways here:

1. Widowmaker does not know who Reaper is.

2. The interactions between Reaper, Soldier: 76, and Ana can be treated as “canon or potentially canon.”  Therefore, they can be used as part of the discussion on what Soldier: 76 and Ana Amari know about Reaper.

3. Soldier: 76 and Ana Amari would and do recognize Reaper on sight and sound alone (confirming that those details in “Old Soldiers” were intentional).

4. McCree and Reinhardt canonically do not know what has happened to Gabriel, but would also recognize him as Reaper.  This implies that Gabriel’s “condition” existed in some form before the fall of Overwatch, and that some members of Overwatch and Blackwatch were aware of his powers.

Returning to Sombra, we can see that Sombra knows Jack’s personal and rather intimate nickname for Gabriel (“Gabe”), which Ana knows of but apparently does not use herself:

Reaper: Guess you're going back on my list, Ana.

Ana: What happened to you, Gabriel?

Reaper appears to “tolerate” Sombra using Jack’s nickname for him, and taken with their other interaction, implies an unusual level of trust between Reaper and Sombra.  Elsewhere, Michael Chu has said the following:

“[Sombra] gets on [Reaper’s] nerves a little bit, but I think that ultimately, Reaper knows that Sombra is effective.  And so he respects that, because he is a good eye for talent. …Look at that Blackwatch team - it’s amazing!”

(Source: Michael Chu, Anime Expo 2017)

“Infiltration” shows us that Sombra is up to something, with the “canon” interactions between her and Reaper implying that Reaper might be “in” on her plan.

This is further implied by:

---

Masquerade: After the events of “Reflection,” occurring shortingly before and during Venetian Carnevale in late February 2077, Akande Ogundimu - also known as “The Successor” Doomfist - breaks out of prison.  He is retrieved by Reaper in a dropship, who “debriefs” him on the current situation.  Akande then heads to Monaco, to secure the alliance (and wealth) of the Omnic Talon leader, Maximilien, at Maximilien’s casino.  While there, forces from the rival Talon leader, Vialli (Antonio’s successor), attempt to attack Akande and Widowmaker, but they are defeated.  After that, Akande, Widowmaker, Sombra, and Reaper dress up for the masquerade of Carnevale in Rialto, Venice.  While Widowmaker, Sombra, and Reaper destroy Vialli’s remaining forces, Vialli confronts Akande.  The two discuss the different “visions” for Talon, with Vialli saying that profit and power are good enough for the organization, while Akande argues that they must see themselves as something greater.  Akande then throws Vialli off the bridge or cliff (literally).  Reaper sees this action but does not recognize Vialli by appearance.  Akande and Reaper then head into the Talon headquarters to begin their meeting with some of the other Talon leaders.  Sanjay Korpal is shown in the background, and Moira is partially revealed for the first time.

“Masquerade” comic: Blizzard official; PDF link

“The Masque of the Red Death”: free text; PDF link

Unpacking the full impact and implications of this comic in a relatively short summary is a challenge in its own right.  

Perhaps the most important aspect of the comic is that it directly alludes to the Edgar Allan Poe short story “The Masque of the Red Death”: first, the setting of both stories take place during a masquerade.  The second is that the two major “characters” - in this case, Akande and Reaper - are dressed as a prince and the Red Death respectively.

The third is that - at the end of the Poe story - the Red Death kills everyone in the building.

In the original short story, the “Red Death” is both a plague and a personification of the same disease who “arrives” unannouced “like a thief in the night” at Prince Prospero’s masquerade party.  When the prince and his guests confront the ghastly visitor and “unmask” it, they discover that there is nothing beneath the costume - only Death itself, “untenanted by any tangible form.”

And now was acknowledged the presence of the Red Death. He had come like a thief in the night. And one by one dropped the revellers in the blood-bedewed halls of their revel, and died each in the despairing posture of his fall. And the life of the ebony clock went out with that of the last of the gay. And the flames of the tripods expired. And Darkness and Decay and the Red Death held illimitable dominion over all.

The original story is relatively short and rather precise in its pacing and development.  However, beneath the “layers” of the masquerade is the implication that hubris and arrogance on part of the Prince and his guests “invited” the Red Death into their castle - as if they could “hide” from Death itself by just locking themselves up.

The “revolutionary” tone of Poe’s story is that no one - not even the wealthy, or the brave, or the powerful - can “hide” from Death.

That Death is retributive in its deliverance.

Plot-wise, the point of the Blizzard “Masquerade” comic is two-fold: 1) it introduces Akande and shows how powerful he is...and how strong-willed he is, and 2) it heavily implies that Reaper - who is dressed as the Red Death - is playing a “masquerade” against Talon, and that when he is eventually “unmasked” by the Talon leaders, he will kill them.

Understanding and interpreting “Masquerade” through the lens of “The Masque of the Red Death” is, quite bluntly, one of the only major ways to make sense of Gabriel’s actions from Retribution to Masquerade.  It provides solid analysis and textual evidence for the idea that he is infiltrating Talon to enact retribution on the Talon leaders and destroy them, just as they destroyed Overwatch.

The use of literary and other cultural references for Gabriel/Reaper’s behavior is important, as it is clearly part of both his in-universe characterization, and his in-game/non-canon characterization.

For example, “Reaper” also has not one, not two, but three skins that refer to literary references:

Respectively, they are: “Nevermore”, “Pumpkin”, and “Dracula” and they refer to the following pieces:

The Raven, by Edgar Allan Poe

“The Legend of Sleepy Hollow”, by William Irving

“Dracula”, by Bram Stoker

While Nevermore and Dracula are not “canon” to the plot of Overwatch, “Pumpkin” actually is:

Interestingly, the Headless Horseman character in “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow” is also attempting to trick other characters, specifically Ichabod Crane.

The next morning the old horse was found without his saddle, and with the bridle under his feet, soberly cropping the grass at his master’s gate. Ichabod did not make his appearance at breakfast; dinner-hour came, but no Ichabod. The boys assembled at the schoolhouse, and strolled idly about the banks of the brook; but no schoolmaster. Hans Van Ripper now began to feel some uneasiness about the fate of poor Ichabod, and his saddle. An inquiry was set on foot, and after diligent investigation they came upon his traces. In one part of the road leading to the church was found the saddle trampled in the dirt; the tracks of horses’ hoofs deeply dented in the road, and evidently at furious speed, were traced to the bridge, beyond which, on the bank of a broad part of the brook, where the water ran deep and black, was found the hat of the unfortunate Ichabod, and close beside it a shattered pumpkin.

[...] Brom Bones, too, who, shortly after his rival’s disappearance conducted the blooming Katrina in triumph to the altar, was observed to look exceedingly knowing whenever the story of Ichabod was related, and always burst into a hearty laugh at the mention of the pumpkin; which led some to suspect that he knew more about the matter than he chose to tell.

And of course, we have the very telling interactions from Retribution:

Moira: Pity we’ll miss the masquerade - I have the perfect costume. Reyes: Didn’t think that would be your scene. Moira: There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me…

---

Moira: Pity we’ll miss the masquerade - I have the perfect costume. Reyes: Didn’t think that would be your scene. Moira: You’re not the only one who likes to dress up.

---

Gabriel: It’s not exactly Carnevale McCree: You serious? Gabriel: I was looking forward to the masquerade! McCree: Fair enough.

Which now brings me to:

In-game official resources:

As a reminder, here is what Michael Chu has had to say about the interactions:

(Source)

(Source 2)

Because of these, the interactions between Reaper and Soldier: 76 can be deemed as “canon or potentially canon”:

Soldier: 76: Aren't you supposed to be dead?

Reaper: Didn't take.

Soldier: 76: One of these days someone is gonna to put an end to you.

Reaper: I invite them to try.

Soldier: 76: Well, you sure take to this “bad guy” thing easily, don't ya?

Reaper: And you sure know how to play “boy scout”.

Important here is that Soldier: 76 never accuses Reaper of being the cause of the fall of Overwatch or the cause of the Swiss Base explosion.  This is in direct contrast with Soldier: 76′s new interaction with Moira:

Soldier: 76: You were a disgrace to Overwatch. If I had known what Reyes had been planning, I would never have allowed it.

Moira: It seems to me that it was convenient for you not to look too closely into Gabriel’s business.

(Audio clip)

While Soldier: 76′s interaction with Moira is not specifically canon, we can conclude that this is what he would say if he met her in the present day of Overwatch.  Unlike his interactions with Reaper, he specifically calls Moira a “disgrace to Overwatch,” and implies that if he could have stopped her and/or Gabriel’s “plan”, he would have.

However, note that he also never directly describes “what Reyes had been planning”.  This leaves the interaction very open to interpretation, and leaves just enough room to create a “plot twist” where Jack actually knows or and/or approves of Gabriel’s infiltration of Talon, while still allowing him enough room to be angry with Moira for her role in bringing Overwatch down.

Related to this, the interactions between Reaper and Ana (which also fall in the “canon or potentially canon” category) have a decidedly different tone than his interactions with Soldier: 76:

Reaper: Guess you're going back on my list, Ana.

Ana: What happened to you, Gabriel?

Reaper: I shouldn't be surprised you took his side.

Ana: You never gave me much choice.

Reaper: Just like old times.

Ana: Right. Except for the part where you became a homicidal maniac.

It appears that Ana might not be “aware” of whatever Gabriel is planning in Talon.

This also calls into question the “explanation” Gabriel gave Ana in “Old Soldiers.”  Since we know that like, all of it is wrong, we need to ask why it is wrong: is it that Gabriel actually believes Jack and Overwatch left him behind “to suffer”, or is it that Gabriel is attempting to put on a “masquerade”, both for Ana and Hakim (who may be listening to him or watching him)?

It’s interesting that Reaper tells Hakim that:

Reaper: Once you set a trap...you never know what will fall into it.

Though we are told Reaper and Hakim “set the trap” to catch The Shrike, the juxtaposition of Soldier: 76, the cameras, the comms, and the wording can imply that Reaper and Soldier: 76 are the ones setting “the real trap”, to lure “the Shrike” out of hiding while still tricking both Ana and Hakim into their “trap”.

This goes along with the following in-game details:

Sombra’s apartment

I personally find it interesting that no one ever asks how Jack knew to search for the Shrike.

In-game details on maps are canonical in the sense that they provide us environmental story-telling details: while they do not “speak” parts of the story, they give us important clues about characters, their connections, and the overall plot.

Sombra’s apartment is a treasure trove of all these details, pointing to how important she is in the overall story.

Sombra knows: 1) who Soldier: 76, the Shrike, and Jesse McCree are, 2) how they interact with each other, and 3) possibly how to contact them.

She also, very obviously, knows Gabriel’s “biggest emotional secret”:

Sombra: What’s the plan today, Gabe?  You don’t mind if I call you ‘Gabe,’ do you? Reaper: Stick to the mission.

No other characters have been shown to use this nickname for Gabriel.

Just Jack and, as a “joke”, Sombra.

Remember that names are important to Jack - arguably, more important to him than to Gabriel given Jack’s role as Strike-Commander.  Jack’s usage of “Gabe”, “Gabriel”, “Commander Reyes”, and “Reyes” is almost entirely dictated by the people he is talking to or his immediate situation, not by his emotional state of being: “Gabe” is used twice, in personal and intimate moments, “Gabriel” is used during Gabriel’s debriefing (when McCree and Gérard are present), “Commander Reyes” is used when he talks to Lena Oxton for the first time, and “Reyes” is used in other “public” situations (e.g. Route 66, the Moira interaction).  This appears to be part of Jack’s “soldier identity”: he has been the Strike-Commander and a soldier for so long that “code-switching” his names for Gabriel is automatic for him.

Gabriel, on the other hand, is more casual: he permits pretty much every character to call him “Gabriel” or “Reyes”, with Sombra and McCree (and interestingly, Jack as well) also calling him “boss.”  At all points in his life, Gabriel is much less interested in maintaining military decorum than Jack is.

However, there’s obviously one particular nickname which only 1-2 people are “allowed” to use.

Sombra using “Gabe” carries significantly more emotional weight than initial appearances imply.  Ana, Moira, McCree, and Pharah calling Gabriel “Gabriel” does not carry the same connotation - nor emotional power - as Sombra calling him “Gabe,” even as a joke.

On the flipside of this, Jack literally wearing the number “76″ on his back is a huge “reverse tell”: 

Because Gabriel/Reaper is arguably the only person to fully understand what the name of “Soldier: 76″ represents:

Jack using a “title” that “Reaper” can easily identify is suspicious for many reasons: why does Jack want to draw attention to that?  Why is he falling back on an identity that only Gabriel really truly understands?  Is it a warning to “Reaper”, or is it an olive branch?

(And speaking of names, isn’t it interesting that Sombra’s real name is “Olivia”?)

Necropolis

Necropolis is the current hideout of Soldier: 76 and Ana - and one very blatant and obvious fact should stick out:

Not only do they sleep in separate beds, they literally sleep in separate “rooms”.

In fact, as part of the “canon or potentially canon” interactions between Soldier: 76 and Ana, there’s a semi-broken or unused one that can maybe be triggered on Necropolis:

Ana: Jack, we’re adults!  You don’t have to sleep outside! Soldier: 76: I’m...fine where I am.

(Source)

Living in a separate building in the Necropolis is Jack’s choice.

The second obvious thing that sticks out:

The “Reaper sightings” map.

The locations are:

Los Angeles, California - Gabriel’s home city (which he visits in “Reflections”)

Watchpoint: Gibraltar - “Recall”

Numbani, Nigeria - “Masquerade”

St. Petersburg, Russia - “Infiltration”

Oasis, Iraq - no specific known event yet

The Oasis one is very important because so far, only “two people” are confirmed to know Reaper has been there.  One is, obviously, Moira, who lives and works there as the Minister of Genetics -

And who appears to be working on a “cure” for Reaper’s condition.

The second is:

Sombra: So what are we doing here, boss?

Reaper: I need to pay a visit to a friend.

Sombra.

It is heavily implied that Sombra is “leaking” Reaper’s locations to Soldier: 76 and Ana.

Now, it is not known if she is doing this with or without his permission.  At the moment, I am personally leaning towards the former: Sombra and Reaper are shown to have a tentative trust with each other, and Sombra not only knows who he is, but what is Gabriel’s driving goal:

There’s also this image which is all over Necropolis:

(source)

The imagery and iconography of it is basically summarized as Ana, Jack, and Gabriel, in that order.  Both men wear crowns, though the crown on the “pharaoh” is not colored, and the crown on the last man is actually the “double-feathers” crown, symbolizing Amun and Amun-Ra, “king of the gods.”

While the implication of the image isn’t exactly clear, all the details on Necropolis, Sombra’s apartment in Castillo, and in-game interactions point to an ambiguous relationship between Reaper and Soldier: 76.  Not only are there clearer demonstrations of genuinely bitter or angry interactions (for Reaper, see Ana and McCree, and for Soldier, see Moira), but everything about them - including their implied shared ties to Sombra as their information “go-between” - is extremely open-ended for two men who supposedly “hate” each other.

There is only one instance of one of them - Reaper - “blaming” the other for his condition, but not only are Reaper’s statements genuinely incorrect or wrong, the circumstances under which he says them (when Hakim is watching and listening) and the vague implication that Soldier: 76 helped him “set the trap” for Ana makes the entire series of statements skeptical and effectively unreliable in a literal sense:

I won’t discount the idea that Reaper is genuinely, truly angry and upset here, but I’m reaching the point where too many details add up and make it difficult to argue.  Reaper is “putting on a masquerade” in a least two to three other plot events (Retribution, Infiltration, and Masquerade), so this “explanation” seems more and more like it’s part of that persona.

Other than that, no other remarks are made by Reaper, Soldier: 76, Ana, Sombra, or any other character that either Reaper or Soldier: 76 are responsible for the “fall” of Overwatch.  The only article which alludes to the idea that Gabriel blew up the Swiss Base is incredibly unreliable as a source, even by in-universe standards.

Instead, an increasing amount of details and evidence points to Jack either being aware of Gabriel’s infiltration plan from the start, or becoming aware of it later.  He may or may not directly approve of the plan, but he does not “reveal” Gabriel’s intentions to other people either.

Oasis

As someone who has watched the majority of these story developments get revealed “in real time”, it’s tricky to find a spot to describe Moira, her role in the story, how she influenced Gabriel and his relationship with Jack, and the contents in Oasis.  The contents in Oasis are canon story details that tie the past to the present, and give an indication of how complicated Gabriel’s position with Moira and Talon has become.

In the present day, after “Recall” and throughout “Old Soldiers”, “Reflections”, and “Masquerade”, Moira is the Minister of Genetics in Oasis, Iraq.  Oasis is a city specifically made for - and designed for - free and unrestricted scientific and technological advancement and experimentation.  Like Necropolis, Oasis includes a handful of “semi-mythological references”, including a reference to the Tower of Babel and everything that implies.

Oasis Travel Tips: Blizzard official

For the University level, the two spawn points are two laboratories.  One is the Genetics lab, which is run by Moira.

In this lab, you can find the following items:

Gabriel’s “Soldier 24″ folder, which implies that his “condition” was partially or mostly caused by the Soldier Enhancement Program:

And Mercy’s research, which implies that Moira is...rather liberally taking a few “inspirations” from Angela’s work:

(Or rather, it implies that Moira’s Healing Biotic Grasp uses Mercy’s technology.)

However, the opposite spawn room is the Chemistry lab.

And it is here where you will find Moira’s research on Gabriel’s condition and how to cure it.

This leads to a very interesting question:

Is Moira “sharing” her research?

Or did the Minister of Chemistry - currently unknown - take it, just like how Moira has “taken” Mercy’s research?

Moira’s paper on curing Gabriel’s condition, and the fact that it is currently in jeopardy, indicates a few things:

1. This plus Michael’s statements about Gabriel’s condition and his “interests” in genetics indicates that Gabriel recruited Moira to help cure his pre-fall “Reaper” condition.

2. It is highly probable that Gabriel has claimed that the cure for his condition is the main reason he is working for Moira and Talon, even though his actual motivations for joining Talon are probably significantly different (basically, that he wants to enact retribution upon them).

3. It makes his statements to Ana in “Old Soldiers” very suspicious, as we know SEP, Moira, and the Swiss Base explosion are the biggest factors in his current “Reaper condition.”

4. There is the potential for Gabriel and Jack to have genuinely disagreed on “curing” Gabriel’s condition, as well as his plan for infiltrating Talon.  In an archetypal “undercover” trope fashion, they may have disagreed out of love for each other rather than anger over differences in methods.

5. There is also the potential for Gabriel and Jack to currently (as in, post-Recall) be working together to “cover” each other.  With Sombra acting as their go-between, Gabriel might be delaying his retribution plan until he knows Moira can cure him, or he gets ahold of the cure or paper himself.

Based on the Necropolis map, Reaper’s “visit” to Oasis is currently canon, and both Soldier: 76 and Ana know about it.

“Out-of-game” Official Resources: Statements by Jeff Kaplan and Michael Chu

In chronological order:

1. Michael Chu’s Spring 2017 GDC talk titled “Thinking Globally: Building the Optimistic Future of Overwatch”

Full quote (bold and italics are for emphasis and do not reflect speaking tone):

“And then I’d like to talk about one of my favorite relationships in the Overwatch universe, which is the one between Gabriel Reyes - now Reaper, Jack Morrison - now Soldier: 76, and Ana Amari.  Cause it’s a story about power, friendship, and how a changing world can bring people together and split them apart.  It’s a relationship that defines the story of Overwatch, and how Overwatch grew as an organization, and even now today, what they’re all up to is important to driving forward the current story of the game.  And what I really like about it is that it is a deep, complex relationship that’s not necessarily only driven by romance, and it highlights how different people can see and experience different events.  

“Which brings me…to ‘Perspective.’  One of the things we really like doing with Overwatch is playing with perspective.  We utilize perspective when we analyze or when we tell stories about characters, what they’re thinking, what their goals are.  And we have a lot of unreliable narrators.  We want people to pay careful attention to what characters think about in particular situations.  We want them to use their judgment and their knowledge of a character’s thoughts to come up with their own ideas about the universe.  You know, I’m asked often - with characters like Sombra or Soldier: 76, you know, ‘Are they anti-heroes?  Are they villains?’  And I think, you know, you look at someone like Sombra, and it’s all about looking at, ‘What does she want?  What is she willing to do to get it?’

“And you have to remember that when she’s telling you something, she’s serving her own ends too.  So you know, you have to kinda make the decision for yourself. And I think you can take a character like Soldier: 76 - like obviously, he has this mission that he is on that he believes is good, he seems to be sometimes willing to do things which are… maybe not super heroic, and so it makes him complicated.  We always have a lot of fun, uh - every once and awhile we’ll try and plot all the characters on like the traditional D’n’D alignment scale, and I think, you know, it’s fun exercise, but at the end of the day, I think what’s interesting about characters is that those alignments change depending on what situation you put them in, what’s important to them, and what decisions they have to make.

“[…] The world needs heroes, but it also needs villains.  And we have a number of villainous characters in Overwatch.  And what’s important to us is that their internal motivations are not purely rooted in ‘being evil,’ despite how they might seem on the surface.  You know, as we reveal more about these characters, we want people to be able to empathize and understand their beliefs.  Because sometimes what makes a villain a villain is the extent to which they’re willing to go to reach their goals.  And one thing that we find most important when we’re talking about our villain characters is that there is nothing to say that a villain cannot be as charismatic - or more charismatic - or as likeable as a hero character.  Because like the old saying goes, ‘Every villain is the hero of their own story.’”

---

As described above, there is relatively little evidence to support the idea that Michael’s line about romance was focused solely on Ana and one of the other masculine characters.  Instead, since this talk, more and more details have shown that Ana - though absolutely an important part of the Overwatch leadership and an important friend to both Gabriel and Jack - is not a romantic interest of either character.  Outside of the actual story and the “in-game” canon elements, Ana has other “suitors”, in particular Fareeha’s biological father Sam, and Reinhardt Wilhelm, who makes a number of admiring and flirtatious comments about Ana in Junkenstein’s Revenge.

Furthermore, Michael makes a good deal of effort to compare Sombra with Soldier: 76.  As a reminder, both characters occupy a sort of “elevated status” with Gabriel and have permission (perhaps reluctantly, in Sombra’s case) to call him “Gabe.”

Lastly, Michael ends this part of the conversation by talking about how Overwatch writes and perceives its “villain” characters.  Since that time, we have seen the release of Doomfist and the “Masquerade” comic, Moira and her Origin video, and the “Retribution” event, all of which give us more multifaceted sides to Gabriel, portraying him as far more empathetic and emotionally-vulnerable than previous story elements.

---------

2. Michael Chu and Geoff Goodman on Reaper and Moira’s working relationship, Moira reveal panel, Blizzcon November 2017: transcript

Geoff Goodman: “It [Her Fade ability] has some similarities to Reaper’s wraith form…uh which is…it’s funny how that works out.” Michael Chu: “You know, we obviously - there’s a…there’s a close relationship between Moira and Reyes-slash-Reaper, and I think one of the fun things we were able to do is to sort of hint at some of those things in her, uh, abilities.” Geoff Goodman: “She’s helping Reaper out and is like, ‘You know, I think I could make this better, I have an idea.’” Michael Chu: “Professional relationship.” Geoff Goodman: “Ahaha, yes…good call.” Michael Chu: “You know what I’m talking about.” [Whole panel laughs] 

---

This comment is included to show the level of effort Michael Chu made to immediately deflect questions about a romantic relationship between Gabriel and Moira.  Like, within minutes of Moira being revealed publically, the lead writer of Overwatch made a deliberate and intentional effort to preemptively diffuse discussions on if they were romantic.  While the transcript downplays the little back-and-forth on the panel, both Michael and Geoff’s tone make it apparent that Gabriel and Moira are purely platonic associates, and that their relationship, while “close” in the sense that they share abilities (or rather, that Moira modified Gabriel’s abilities for her own use), is one that is strictly professional.

---------

3. Jeff Kaplan’s November 8, 2017 lecture: transcript and audio

Text: At one point, Reyes was in charge of Overwatch when it formed, and when ti becaome more of a thing after they defeated the Omnic Crisis, Morrison was actually given the top position of power and Reyes was overlooked because he was too rogue, he was too maverick in his leadership style - he ruffled too many feathers.  And a lot of our fans have assumed, “Oh, that’s why Reyes and Morrison hate each other,” and the story that we’re developing is actually like, “No, these guys loved each other.”  Like, they’re like, best war buddies.  And in a lot of ways, Reyes was relieved that Morrison had to have the more political role, and like, he was like kind of - it’s always easier being the Number 2 guy because you’re not ultimately accountable for all that.

---

“Best war buddies” lol

Regardless of what happens or where the story goes, the fact that the lead game developer for a triple-A game title with over 40 million players stated that two military men genuinely loved each other is honestly very poignant and moving.  As a reminder, “that depth of relationship” spanned almost 25 years before the “fall” of Overwatch, and currently stands at about 30 years when Recall is included.

Again, no matter where the plot goes or why, the fact remains that Gabriel and Jack did, at one point, love each other, and that currently, they very suspiciously “refuse” to actually fight or even really hurt each other.  Reaper had the chance to do serious damage to Soldier: 76 (and then Ana) and basically “threw” his chances - a recurring “issue” for him, it seems.  Not only is he incapable of killing Soldier: 76 or Ana, he does not manage to actually kill or do serious harm to Winston or Tracer either.

---------

4. Jeff Kaplan’s interview podcast with AIAS, May 2018: audio and transcript

Segment:

Ted Price: Who’s the oldest character?  Or what’s the age of the oldest character?

Jeff Kaplan: I think, um…I think it’s Gabriel Reyes, who is Reaper.  But it’s kinda not a fair answer, because technically Reaper is dead?  But I think that’s a little bit questionable.  So Gabriel Reyes was, like, Jack Morrison’s partner - they were Soldier: 76 - and he was in Overwatch, and then he kinda goes bad and there’s a horrific thing that happens and he becomes Reaper.

---

So like I’ve said elsewhere:

Once is an accident.  Twice is a coincidence.  Three times is a pattern.

As part of the “context” of this line, Jeff had specifically been talking about how Overwatch integrates diversity into its story: that it doesn’t want to do a “checklist” of representation, but rather make the characters feel real and emotional and substantial.  That, as part of that effort, they’ve included stories about two Japanese brothers having a falling out, or an Egyptian sniper and her heroic daughter - 

Or the story of a brave, determined fighter pilot-turned-adventurer who loves her girlfriend.

The fact of the matter is:

You can now write “Gabriel and Jack loved each other.  Gabriel was Jack’s partner.” and these lines are 100% accurate to actual statements made by the lead developer of the game himself.  You can write that their relationship was and is “a deep, complex relationship that’s not necessarily only driven by romance” and it is 100% accurate to statements made by the lead writer of the game.

You can write things like “so far, only Jack Morrison was allowed to call Gabriel Reyes ‘Gabe’ (until Sombra decided to tease him about it)” and that’s 100% accurate to everything that’s been represented in the story of Overwatch itself.

You can write that “protecting Jack Morrison was Gabriel Reyes’ guiding and decision-making motivation” and that is 100% accurate to the comic of “Retribution.”

You can write that “Jack Morrison and Gabriel Reyes represented two halves of a single whole” and that is 100% accurate to all that they are:

And the lead writer of Overwatch himself has said the following:

We want people to pay careful attention to what characters think about in particular situations.  We want them to use their judgment and their knowledge of a character’s thoughts to come up with their own ideas about the universe.

That he wants you to pay attention, look at the details, analyze them, and develop your own interpretation.

In light of the relatively recent revelations about Lúcio’s father, or the newest addition to the playable roster (Brigitte, at the time of this writing), it is true that Overwatch isn’t done telling stories about relationships, interconnectivity, families, friendships, and companionship.  So yes, I realize that there could be additional “plot twists” along the way, and that these could concern Gabriel and Jack.

But as a counterpoint, the recent burst of new interactions (that came with the 2nd Anniversary update) remains...suspiciously “light” in terms of Reaper and Soldier: 76.  

Compare and contrast:

Lúcio and Pharah get new interactions focusing on their parents: Lúcio gets two abotu his father, and Pharah gets one with Ana about her biological father Sam, and one with Sombra about her mother, Ana (who prevented her daughter from being accepted into Overwatch).  Torbjörn, Bastion, and Brigitte get a handful of new interactions talking about Torbjörn “adopting” Bastion, and Zenyatta gets one with Torbjörn where he patiently (and a bit mischievously) observes that Torbjörn “has taken in an Omnic”.  Orisa tells Reinhardt how she is analyzing his combat abilities, and Genji gets a new interaction with Zenyatta about Hanzo.

Moira gets a lot of new interactions: one with Mercy, two with Winston, one with Pharah, one with McCree, one with Mei - 

And one with Reaper...and then one with Soldier: 76.

The interconnectivity of relationships in Overwatch is important.  In fact, it is arguably what makes the characters and world so compelling, even if the story has fluctuated in retaining a strong audience at times.  With the recent interactions update, that interconnectivity increased almost exponentially, and Overwatch did not shy away from interactions about familial relationships.

It even introduced a new one - Lúcio and his father, and returned to one that it had previously only implied in “Reflections” - the relationship between Ana, Fareeha, and Sam.

In contrast, Gabriel got a huge story moment in “Retribution”: his personality, his motivations, his methods, and his focus were all explored with a relatively emotional depth.

And what we saw is that - when asked to consider what will help “keep the world safe”:

Gabriel Reyes did not think of “a family” - unknown and distant.  He did not think of “home” - like Los Angeles or the Swiss Base.  He did not think of his life’s work with Overwatch, nor his “power” in Blackwatch.  He did not think of his “Reaper” condition, nor enacting revenge on Antonio.

He did not even think of Talon, and how he wanted to destroy them, eye for an eye.

When asked to think about keeping “the world” safe:

Gabriel thought of Jack.

And while there are numerous ways to interpret and discuss their current relationship as “Reaper” and “Soldier: 76″, it is clear that Gabriel is still very much on the forefront of Jack’s mind:

Soldier: 76: You were a disgrace to Overwatch. If I had known what Reyes had been planning, I would never have allowed it.

Moira: It seems to me that it was convenient for you not to look too closely into Gabriel’s business.

(Audio clip)

The details in the comics and shorts matter.  The details in the game matter.  The details in the interactions matter.  The details in the developer and writer comments matter.

And that is why I am compiling this.

This is a story with so much potential.  But it is important to realize that even what is present here, now, two years after the game launched, has come a long ways.  Sometimes it feels like it’s not enough.

And sometimes, we get a glimpse into the true “depth” of that relationship.

Which brings me to the final part.

Unofficial discussions, write-ups, posts, and interpretations

Like the official developer and writer comments section, this one will go in real-world chronological order.  I prefer this method so that both the readers and myself can see the analytical and interpretative changes that my personal thoughts and ideas have gone through over the last 18 months.

Again, not all of these are true: many of these ideas have been proven incorrect, many only “half correct”, etc.  The vast majority are still waiting “to be confirmed” or denied.

If you read or reference these, please keep in mind my two main “purposes” in writing them:

1. I write them for myself and my closest friends.  Pretty much all of these posts are written from my own ideas and conversations I have with a handful of other Overwatch fans.  I have always written these down to basically document my ideas, conversations, and theories.  Many are extremely informal in tone, and are written specifically for tumblr’s kinda insane blog format.

I write them because I enjoy the exploration of the characters and world of Overwatch.  I write them because I enjoy analyzing and discussing story details, character development, and changing plot points.  I write them because I enjoy reflexively engaging with the stories and media I consume.

Therefore, the structures of the posts vary wildly, based mainly on my mindset and mood at the time of the post, and the ideas and analysis I was trying to explore then.  The best examples of these are “Quick Reasons Not to Trust Moira in Retribution” and “Long Reasons Not to Trust Moira in Retribution.”  I wrote “Quick” at 2 am, on my phone, less than 24 hours (2 am, April 11) after Retribution had become globally playable.  In contrast, I wrote “Long” two days later (April 13), after I had more time to collect more pieces of the story, build a case, cite my sources, and use better formatting (and also get more sleep, lol).

2. The secondary “objective” of the posts is always subsumed by Point 1: I am glad, happy, grateful, and humbled that people enjoy the posts.  I really am.  But again, it is not about being “right or wrong, correct or incorrect, confirmed or denied.”

If the posts generate discussions, or they get other people to think and engage with Overwatch in a critical, analytical manner, then to me, that is what makes them important.  I do not particularly care if you don’t believe Moira was the double-agent in Retribution - but if it made you stop and think about Moira’s goals, her ambitions, her methods, and her character development, then that is what I’m happy for.

“An Eye for An Eye” (17) is a good, more recent example of the “second objective” of these posts: it’s not about settling on one particular interpretation (though I do that with stuff like “Death Becomes You” and “Long Reasons Not to Trust Moira in Retribution”).  Sometimes, many times, these posts are just about analyzing what some evidence shows and discussing how it can fit into different interpretations and then into different story narratives that Blizzard could use.

---

1. a post about the “Reaper sightings” map in the then-new Necropolis map on the PTR.  Date: May 23, 2017.  Discusses canon locations Reaper had visited between Recall and “Reflections.”  Includes a small discussion Oasis, and why Reaper would go there (well before Moira was revealed).

2. “Talon: Clawing to the Top.”  Date: July 06, 2017.  Written after Doomfist was revealed (July 06, 2017) but before the “Masquerade” comic was released (July 16, 2017).  Is not totally correct (e.g. on the Volskaya part) but more discusses the changing world of Overwatch and why Doomfist is so focused on conflict as a source of growth.  First essay to discuss the implication that Reaper is working with Sombra to bring down Talon.

3. a post about the significance of Reaper wearing the Red Death disguise at a literal masquerade, and how it compares to Edgar Allan Poe’s short story.  Date: July 16, 2017.

4. “Death Becomes You”.  Date: July 16, 2017.  Analyzed the “Masquerade” comic from the lens of “The Masque of the Red Death.”  Discussed how Doomfist and Reaper compare to the principal characters of the story - Prince Prospero and the Red Death.  Argues that the “main character” who is “masquerading” in Talon is Reaper.

5. a post about the imagery of Necropolis, and how it appears to symbolize the relationships between Reaper, Soldier: 76, and Ana.  Date: August 01, 2017.  Taken with Number 1, Necropolis seems to hint that there is “more going on” between the three old soldiers, that it’s possible Soldier: 76 and Ana are either trying to help Reaper or are actively working with him, and that Sombra may act as a point of contact between them all.

6. “Devil in the Details.” Date: August 20, 2017.  An essay analyzing the map of active Overwatch investigations, and how one key location (Switzerland) is highly suspicious.  Also discusses if Gabriel and Jack are currently working together in the Recall area.

7. “Moira: A Fate Fulfilled.”  Date: November 05, 2017.  Compares a timeline of fan ideas (e.g. “Evil Mercy,” “Mercy failed to resurrect Reyes,” and “we need a Talon support character”) with Moira’s design, her backstory, and her abilities.  Discusses how Moira seemsto fill a “void” that was missing in the plot for a long time, as well as her research on Reaper.

8. “Everything You Want to Know About Reaper and Soldier: 76.” Date: November 09, 2017.  Reviews and analyzes the then-available information about Reaper and Soldier: 76, particularly in light of Jeff Kaplan’s lecture.  Discusses speculation on the Venice Mission before we fully knew what it would be.  Importantly, it also discusses how Jack Morrison was probably aware of Blackwatch missions, which was later confirmed by “Retribution”.

9. “Quick Reasons Not to Trust Moira in Retribution.” Date: April 11, 2018.   10. “Long Reasons Not to Trust Moira in Retribution.” Date: April 13, 2018.  Please.  Please read this.  Especially if you have questions at the end of “Quick Reasons.”  For the love of everything, I can guarantee you that if you have a question about Gabriel/Reaper and Moira, I have probably answered it in this essay.  If you ask me “Why would Moira want more funding from Talon if she works for Blackwatch?” I will literally just send you a link to this essay.  

11. things I found interesting about the Blackwatch Venice memos. Date: April 24, 2018.  Basically summarizes “Long Reasons” but in a lot less detail.  Goes over the “declassified” memos about the Venice Mission.

12. An important detail people are missing.  Date: April 24, 2018.  Reviews both Retribution and “Devil in the Details” but with more current information.

13. “A Clash of Kings”. Date: April 28, 2018.  Discusses if Akande knows who Reaper is.  Describes my method for interpreting unreliable narrators and perspectives in Overwatch (e.g. in the shorts and comics).  Also talks about Moira’s role as a sort of mediator between Akande and Reaper, and “whose side” she would take if she was forced to choose.

14. “The Immortal Soldier?”. Date: May 4, 2018.  Hypothesizes on if Jack Morrison has achieved a sort of “pre-fall Reaper state of existence” (e.g. that he can get hurt, feel pain, and accumulate scars, but that he might be unintentionally self-healing/self-sustaining).

15. A reply to “A Clash of Kings” where I talk about the “canon” or “in-game” evidence for Reaper76 and Anahardt.  Date: May 7, 2018.

16. “Retribution and Reapercussions”. Date: May 13, 2018.  An extremely long write-up on the consequences of the Blackwatch Venice mission in the immediate aftermath.  Talks about Gabriel’s debriefing, and how he might have “negotiated” with Moira to buy her silence.  Also explores how the mission may have emotionally wounded both Gabriel and Jack on a very personal level, and while the mission didn’t specifically tear them apart, it certainly cut very deep.

17. “An Eye for An Eye”. Date: May 25, 2018.  A write-up on the Soldier: 76-Moira interaction, and how the wording of Soldier’s lines is just vague enough to imply a few different interpretations.  Explores if Jack: 1) knew or did not know about Gabriel’s infiltration plans for Talon and 2) approved or disapproved of them.  Also talks about how Jack’s personality has become almost a mirror of pre-fall Gabriel’s.

18. A reply to an ask about Jack’s use of different names for Gabriel. Date: May 25, 2018.  Personally, I think that - more than any other character “pair” in the game - Jack’s use of different names for Gabriel (Gabe, Gabriel, Reyes, Commander Reyes, boss, bad guy, etc) are almost 100% contextual/situational, which shows a considerable depth between both of them.  Jack’s use of different names is not necessarily correlated with emotion or “emotional distance”, but with his sense of military protocol and situational contexts (e.g. “private personal discussions” vs “public, formal ones”).

19. Michael Chu’s interview where he confirms that none of the characters have gone in “completely different directions” (aka major retcons) since the game started, but he also confirms that the way they’ve been releasing and telling the stories has had an impact on what they can show and represent about characters, specifically Reaper.  Date: May 30, 2018.

20. “Those Who Rise Up”. Date: June 1, 2018.  Part 2 of the exploration on the consequences of Retribution, this time from Talon’s end.  Discusses Akande and the “Doomfist legacy”, the creation of Widowmaker and her parallels to Reaper, and if Tracer’s Slipstream flight was an accident or sabotage.

21. Three “quick pieces” on newer interpretations on the “Old Soldiers” and “Legacy” comics, using more knowledge from Uprising, Retribution, and other sources: (Post where Soldier’s actions are suspicious), (Post about how Reaper’s explanation to Ana about his condition is incorrect), (Post about how Gabriel was actually probably empathetic with Jack after Ana’s “death”). Date: June 5, 2018.

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All in all, I hope these resources are useful.  Again, even with this actual “collection of resources” post, I’m really basically writing this for myself (because I’m getting tired of search through my own blog for this stuff, lol). but please feel free to use any and all resources for your own stuff.  Save them, like them, reblog them, link them - that is precisely what this post is for.

[gold-from-straw]

Nightmares - DGHDA SpookFest

For prompt 33, nightmares. Dirk Gently/Todd Brotzman. T rating

Some graphic depictions of violence, canon typical gore (including pararibulitis attacks), Priest being an utter arsehole as usual, and insulting someone’s gender orientation... so warnings for Transphobia. Also swearing, I mean, my entire existence should come with a swear rating, my bad...

Quinn ran, their heart pounding in their chest, lungs burning and mind almost overloading with terror. They stumbled around another corner, bumped into someone who fell to the ground instantly, the ground around them writhing with snakes. Quinn whimpered and ran some more. Their own worst nightmare was coming for them, his gun at the ready and a smile on his face.

***

“…and then this person said they were attacked by rubber chickens in the grocery store—“

“Rubber chickens?”

“Yes, they—“

“In the grocery store?”

“Yes, Todd, do keep up. They said, and I quote, that they squawked threateningly and their dead rubber eyes stared deep into their soul.”

Todd gave up and doubled up laughing. “What are these guys on?”

Dirk tried to look prim and aloof but he could see the bastard’s lips twitching. “As far as we know they aren’t on anything. This spate of weird hallucinations is spreading across the city and it’s brilliant, Todd, we needed a new case, I’ve been so bored.”

“So the universe is giving you rubber chickens?”

“Not just rubber chickens. Dinosaurs and quicksand and jack’o’lanterns and—“

“Lions and tigers and bears, oh my?”

He stopped, his eyes going wide. Todd bit his lip to resist the pull of those eyes, before sucked him in to their orbit. “How did you know? Have you been getting visions like Amanda?”

“No, it’s… a movie reference, never mind. So what do we do?”

“I have absolutely no idea,” he said, and nobody should be that happy about their own ignorance, it was obscene. “I think we should walk around Seattle and see where the universe takes us.”

The universe, as it happened, took them to the park, along the avenue of trees scattering damp autumn leaves, and to a little coffee shop where Dirk ordered something utterly disgusting with at least three different syrups. Todd watched him stroll along with his happy smile and stomped on the little voice whispering ‘this is just like a date’.

It was not a date. As they turned a corner, Dirk suddenly gasped and raced off down an alleyway without warning. Todd was not impressed about running on a full stomach. He could feel that coffee sloshing around as he tried to catch up with Dirk’s ridiculously long legs, honestly, someone who fell over his own feet so often should not be able to run that fast.

He was breathing hard before he found him again, shoving his way through a small crowd of skaters.

“Push it with your board, man, don’t touch it.”

“Woah, did you see that? Are you fucking getting this, man? The board went right through it!”

“What the hell?”

“Rezza, don’t touch it, Jesus!”

“Chill, it’s like a hologram or something, look!”

Todd elbowed forwards, ducking his head low and grimly thinking there were at least some advantages to being chest height to everyone else. “Holy shit,” he muttered, as he got to the centre.

There was a young man lying on the road, writhing and crying out, his head twitching from side to side like he was having a bad dream. And all around him, crawling over his chest and legs, were hundreds of snakes.

Dirk bent down right next to the man. The skaters were torn between cheering him on and warning him to be careful. At least three of them were filming. Dirk reached forward to shake the man’s shoulder, and put his hand right through a huge hooded cobra. “Excuse me,” he said, tapping him on the chest. “Hello, will you wake up?” He poked him gingerly. “Hey!” he yelled, and the poor man sat bolt upright, breathing hard and sweating.

“What the hell? What the… the snakes? Where are they, there were… they were everywhere, oh God.” He shuddered and stared at his hands, but the snakes really were gone, vanished like mist the moment he’d woken up.

Dirk patted him with the very tips of his fingers. “There, there. You seem to have been manifesting your dreams. Does this happen often?”

“Man, it was sick! You have to see this,” one of the skaters laughed, and held out his phone.

The dreamer looked at the video and screamed, skittering backwards onto someone’s feet. “What the fuck? That was… there were snakes all… oh my God oh my God, I’m gonna be sick, I’m gonna… the fuck is going on, I just…”

“Hey,” snapped Todd, forcing his way forward and grabbing the guy’s shoulders. “Stop that now, you’re here. You’re awake, the snakes are gone. They weren’t solid, they were… I don’t know, like some…”

“Manifestation of an unintentional astral projection,” Dirk added helpfully.

“—yeah maybe. Whatever. But you’re safe, you hear?”

The man nodded, still trembling. “What’s your name?” Todd asked.

“Wikus.”

Todd nodded firmly and held out his hand to help the guy up. “I’m Todd Brotzman, this is my par… uh, this is Dirk Gently. He does… weird shit.”

“I’m a holistic detective, as my so-called assistant is failing to tell you. Hi.” Dirk held out his hand to shake and started interrogating Wikus, or telling him his life story, or something. Either way, nobody noticed that Todd had very nearly called him his partner which was just… something to be shoved down into a corner of his imagination where it meant something very different and never see the light of day again.

“—and Farah will take your details. Come on, Todd, you’ll be left behind one of these days!”

He snorted. “As if you’d remember your way back to the office without me.”

“The universe would take me there,” he sniffed. Todd just smirked and shook his head, and led the way.

***

Quinn collapsed in a doorway and tried to sit upright, but their body was shaking too much. They slumped against the frame and curled up tight. A wave of despair swept over them. They were never going to be free. He was going to chase them forever, no matter how hard they ran he’d be around the next corner with a gleeful laugh and an army on his side. Quinn was just so tired, but going back there was a fate worse than death.

***

“So, nightmares, huh?” Amanda said, swinging her feet where she sat on Farah’s desk. Todd figured she was the only person in the world Farah would allow to sit on her perfectly ordered desk.

Dirk nodded. “Yes, this is the seventh manifested nightmare we’ve found in the last three days, isn’t it brilliant?”

“Yeah, when he says found, what he means is I found references to six of them on youtube and twitter,” Farah pointed out, waving her pen in his direction.

“Exactly, you found six and Todd and I found one, therefore we found seven. See? I can do maths, Farah, and you said it was atrocious.”

Farah rolled her eyes and turned back to the computer. Amanda grinned and offered her a cookie which she’d stolen from the cupboard anyway, so it was probably Farah’s cookie. “What’s causing it? Any ideas?”

“Aliens.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Todd, it’s never aliens.”

“It’s only a matter of time, I mean, we’ve had alternate dimensions, shapeshifters, actual wizards, at least three cults and one surprisingly boring series of robberies.”

“Really? How did you end up with that case?”

“They only stole worthless trinkets. Dirk thought it might have been a creature that fed off nostalgia or something, but it was a young guy with a form of kleptomania. Kinda sad, really.”

“I thought he was an empath, not a nostalgia-eater” Dirk protested.

“You said, and I quote, ‘he’s some sort of sentiment vampire, I’ll bet you anything, Todd.’ Speaking of which, you still owe me dinner.”

“Do not let him cook,” said Farah without looking up from the computer.

“Did you just do the British accent again?” Dirk said in delight.

“No…”

“You did. Oh, do it again, please.”

“Shut up!” he covered his red face, furious with himself.

“Guys, come look at this,” Farah called, and Todd grabbed at the opportunity with both hands. He scrambled round to stand behind her chair, joined by Dirk and Amanda.

It was a YouTube video. Todd recognised the area they’d been that day, the skaters taking shaky footage of each other trying out a new trick. He immediately tried to see if he could spot Wikus in the background, but they spotted the person running first.

It was over in seconds. There was a figure racing down the street, turning to look the way they’d come, and then stumbling and running on again. They were almost out of shot when they crashed into Wikus. It was barely even a brush of shoulders, but Wikus dropped like a stone. The skater taking the video was too busy focusing on the snakes that were forming out of thin air around the sleeping man to turn the video back on the runner, or on whatever they were running from.

“Can you pause it and try and get a look at the runner?” Todd said, squinting at the screen.

Farah rolled her eyes. “No, Captain Obvious, because I’ve already downloaded it. We can look at a frame by frame here.” She opened another app and the video appeared as a series of ten second clips.

“Do you ever wonder what your role is in this business?” Amanda asked him sweetly. He glared at her.

“Todd’s my assistant,” said Dirk, and his horrified expression was deeply gratifying. “He’s irreplaceable.”

“If you say so,” Amanda grinned.

Todd tried not to gaze at Dirk like a lovestruck puppy but, damn, it was hard. Now if only he could get up the nerve to tell Dirk he was equally irreplaceable to Todd, just… for a really different reason.

“I can’t get a better view of this guy,” said Farah, squinting at the screen. The person ran, frame by frame, speed blurring all his features. They turned to look behind them, and Dirk gasped and stepped back.

“What, what is it? You recognise this guy?”

“Morpheus,” he whispered.

“Who’s Morpheus?” Farah said. “The… the Greek god of dreams, but… oh… Greek mythology.” She looked from Dirk to the screen and back. “Shit.”

Dirk was backed right up against the wall, his face pale and his eyes that horrible blank mask. Todd had seen that too much back in Bergsberg. He reached out to squeeze his arm. “Blackwing?”

Dirk nodded, a tiny, jerky movement. His big eyes were looking suspiciously wet, and Todd grabbed his other hand, pulling him around to face him. “Hey, you’re OK. You’re safe. We’re here, and we’re never letting you go again, you hear?”

He nodded, and Todd wasn’t sure if his lower lip really trembled like that or if it was just the movement of his whole head, but he wanted to wrap him up tight in his arms and never let him feel this fear again.

Dirk took a deep breath and stepped back towards the screen. “M-Morpheus arrived a few years after I did… around the same time as the Rowdies and… and they used to make them feed on either them or me, or… or—“

“Them?” interjected Farah. “How many were in Project Morpheus?”

“Hmm? Oh, no, singular them. Morpheus is non-binary.”

“And their power was, what, making people hallucinate?”

“Not exactly… they could pull your worst nightmares forwards. I used to… they had to do it to me,” he said, his eyes falling shut and shuddering. “I didn’t recognise it today because… because the nightmares never used to appear to anyone else, like those snakes did. They just touched you, and you fell asleep, into the worst… the worst dreams you’d ever had.”

Todd’s hands itched with the need to touch him, comfort him. When Amanda slipped off the desk and wrapped her arms around his waist, he was torn between grateful that she was giving him the comfort that Todd was too cowardly to provide, and angry with himself that he couldn’t put this stupid crush aside and just give Dirk what he needed. He turned back to the screen, clenching his fist and looking at the picture, memorising the face of yet another person who’d hurt Dirk, another person Todd would hate forever.

But as he looked at the young person on the screen, he found it difficult to keep the same level of anger. They were frozen mid-step, their head twisted to stare behind them, a look of utter panic and despair on their face. It was hard to hate someone who looked so much like Dirk had back in Bergsberg.

“They look like they’re being chased,” said Farah softly.

Dirk nodded. “The fear always made their powers worse.”

“So you’re saying they’ve got stronger since you knew them?” Amanda said.

He sighed. “I don’t know. I don’t even know if they got out of Blackwing back when I escaped, I know not all of us did. If they’d been stuck there, if Riggins…” He swallowed. “If they found something that worked…”

“You think they’ve found some way to increase their powers?”

“To weaponise them,” Farah murmured. “Shit.”

“Look, maybe not,” Amanda said, rubbing Dirk’s back. Todd could see his muscles trembling, just ever so slightly. “Maybe Morpheus figured it out themselves.”

Dirk took a deep breath and pursed his lips. “We’ve got to help them.”

***

Amanda walked back with Todd and Dirk, claiming it was Todd’s turn to let her use his shower. Todd grumbled and pretended that having her back in his life wasn’t the best thing that had ever happened to him. She also made Dirk smile, just another reason he wanted to fall on his knees in gratitude to his little sister.

“Don’t let Morpheus get close to you, Todd,” she said, with a wicked grin.

“Amanda,” he growled, narrowing his eyes at her.

She laughed and tucked her arm into Dirk’s. “Do you wanna guess what Todd’s worst nightmare was? When we were kids?”

Dirk turned great pools of sorrow onto Todd. “Oh no! Was it terrible, Todd?”

Todd blushed and turned away, unable to bear the siren call of that sweet, kind face. “Don’t listen to her, she’s an idiot.”

Amanda snorted. “I’m not the one who was terrified of little white ponies.”

Dirk’s forehead crinkled as he stared down at her, and even under his mortification Todd thought it was adorable. “White ponies?”

“Amanda, oh my god!”

“How many times did you have that dream?” She asked, her voice rich with delight at his humiliation. She looked up at Dirk in glee. “It was about the same time I was playing with My Little Ponies, he must have been at least fourteen. He woke up screaming one night because - and I quote - ‘the ponies are trying to eat me!’” She threw her head back and laughed. “He had that dream night after night, I had to put my ponies in the wardrobe any time I wasn’t playing with them or he’d shudder when he saw them!”

“They had teeth!” he yelled, his face burning. “They were vicious little… dog sized creatures with sharp freaking teeth - and horses do actually eat meat, by the way. They… they chased me up a tree every damn night and circled me and - oh shut up!”

Amanda was nearly doubled over laughing. “Promise me you’ll take a video if Todd gets knocked over by Morpheus, I need blackmail material.”

Todd groaned and rolled his eyes.

“I’m afraid I’ll probably have other things on my mind, but I appreciate the warning about the white ponies,” Dirk said, humour colouring his voice.

Todd shook his head, but it occurred to him that his stupid pony nightmare would be preferable to anything that would manifest if Morpheus got to Dirk.

***

Quinn took a long, shuddering breath and wrapped their hands around a warm styrofoam cup. They were safe, just for now. They’d sent him down a false trail, and if they were lucky it would be hours before he realised… maybe even a day or two. And Quinn had a plan. It meant… it meant doing to themself what they did but… the end justified the means. They needed to get stronger. They needed to stop relying on touch because Priest would never let Quinn get close enough… they needed to stretch the powers. Quinn’s stomach roiled, rebelling against the fear and phantom pains, but this was the only way. They had to save themself, because nobody else was going to.

***

It was midnight. Amanda had stumbled out the front door, yawning, at least an hour earlier, but Dirk was still on Todd’s sofa, chattering, waving his hands, and as bright eyed as he had been at 8 o’clock that morning.

Todd rubbed his gritty eyes and stifled a yawn, blinking at Dirk’s flushed face. “...and there was this absolutely brilliant double rainbow, stretching right over the Atlantic, and did you know, Todd, I could see both ends of it in the sea - do you think if I took a plane over the top of it I’d be able to see a whole circle? Wouldn’t that be amazing, a rainbow ring? A double ring because it was a double rainbow, ooh, that would be the best thing—“

“Dirk,” he huffed. “Aren’t you… I don’t know, aren’t you tired?”

He stopped, his mouth open and half way through a word. “I’m… no. No, I’m perfectly awake, Todd, I really don’t know how you can sleep at a time like this, honestly, it’s all so exciting! Did I tell you about-“

Todd groaned and slumped lower onto the sofa. “Dirk, I’m tired! I want to go to sleep, look… do you want to just watch TV? I’m gonna fall asleep right here if I don’t go to bed!”

“Oh. Oh, I’m sorry.”

He sounded small. He sounded like he’d been shut down, like all that brightness and enthusiasm had been wiped away like condensation on a mirror, and all that was left was a sharp, stark… exhaustion.

Todd opened his eyes properly and sat up.

“I’ll head back to my own flat, thank you for dinner, Todd, it was lovely.”

Todd frowned as Dirk stood up, smiling brightly and fussing with his jacket. He focused properly on the curve of his shoulders, the tension in the lines of his face, the shadows under his eyes, and he grabbed the sleeve of his jacket as he slipped his arms in. “Do you… you can stay here, if you like,” he said softly. “If you don’t want to be alone.”

Dirk exhaled shakily, his eyes going distant and staring through the carpet into the past. “I’ll be fine.”

“That’s not good enough,” he said. “Come here.” He pulled him around to the sofa, shoved him down again and twitched a fleecy blanket off the back of the armchair. “Lie down, Dirk, c’mon.”

“You really don’t have to, Todd, you’re absolutely right, it’s time for bed and—“

“Dirk, shut up and lie down. And next time you don’t want to be alone, just tell me, OK?”

Dirk curled up on his side, stiff and wide eyed. Todd nodded firmly, draping the blanket over him. “‘Night. Sleep well.”

“Thank you,” he said, very quietly.

***

They found somewhere to sleep, an old warehouse, red brick crumbling and weeds growing up through the cracks in the tarmac. It was almost painfully cold out in the autumn wind, Halloween just around the corner, but Quinn had a thick sleeping bag and a pack of marshmallows, stolen from a camping store. It was almost pleasant, almost like an adventure. That’s what they told themself, a distraction from what they’d have to do to peel their powers out, stretch them like elastic. Make themself into the weapon they’d been resisting for so long. Make themself into the monster they’d sworn never to become.

They had no choice.

***

He wasn’t sure what woke him. It wasn’t a cry, it wasn’t a dream of his own, but he woke, eyes wide and clear, fixed on the red 3:58 of his digital clock. He lay still for a moment, trying to work out what had pulled him from sleep so perfectly.

For a while there was nothing. He closed his eyes again and tried to settle back to sleep, and there it was. The slightest, shuddering breath, the slightest shifting of tense muscles.

Before he could rationalise it to himself, before he could shake his head and brush it off, he was standing, bare feet cold against the floorboards, and pushing his door open to the sitting room.

Dirk lay still under the covers, a beam of moonlight casting silver accents over his red hair. He wasn’t moving at all, and in the end, that’s what was suspicious. Because he was so still he might not even be breathing, so curled up tight when he’d seen him loose and slack in sleep the last time he’d passed out on the couch after a long case.

He shuffled forward, his body not quite responding right, but his mind sharp and present as he crouched down. Dirk’s forehead was lined, his brows crunched into a deep frown, his plush lips in a worried pout, his fingers clenching and unclenching. As Todd watched he whimpered, just slightly, and pressed himself backwards, curling up into a terrified, solid little ball.

“Dirk,” he said softly, his heart aching. Dirk should never be so small and afraid, hiding behind silence and stillness.

“Please,” Dirk whispered, just a breath barely even a sound. “No, please, I’m trying, I’ll be… I’ll be good.”

“Dirk, wake up!” Todd said, a little louder. He didn’t know what to do, he didn’t want to scare him, but how could he leave him so scared? This wasn’t right, how dare anyone scare Dirk like this? How could they?

“Please,” he whimpered, and Todd couldn’t bear it. He sank his fingers into Dirk’s hair, rubbing gently, whispering meaningless reassurances, trying to call him back.

“You’re OK, Dirk,” he said right into his ear, softly and firmly. “I’m here, OK, it’s nobody else, just me. I’m not gonna let them get you, I’m here. You’ll be OK, baby, you hear? I’ll keep you safe, just come back, OK? You’re not back there, you’re safe. He pressed his forehead to Dirk’s temple, wishing he could help, wishing he could protect him from everything in his past.

“Todd,” Dirk whispered, his fingers finding their way around Todd’s wrist. “My Todd.”

“Yeah, I’m yours, it’s OK, sweetheart.” He felt a rush of self-loathing. How dare he? Calling him stupid pet names, touching him like this while he was sleeping, when he couldn’t push him away. He told himself it was just to make Dirk feel better, just to help him through the nightmare, that Amanda and Farah would do exactly the same for him, but that was different, wasn’t it? Because they’d do the same for Dirk while he was awake. They didn’t hold him at arms’ length because all they felt for him was pure, uncomplicated affection, not this… this overblown worship! This complete obsession that if anyone knew about it they’d be horrified, push him away for being too much, too clingy.

But he brushed Dirk’s hair back, and stroked his cheek, and rubbed his hands where they held his wrist, because now he’d started, he couldn’t bear to stop.

“Todd,” he sighed. “Feels nice.” He nuzzled into Todd’s hands as he rubbed the back of his neck, his thumb brushing over his cheekbones. Todd squeezed his eyes shut, guilty and as always, not guilty enough to pull away.

But he’d learned, hadn’t he? He was better than this - he was trying, for Amanda’s sake, for Farah and mostly for Dirk, he was trying to be a better person. Dirk was breathing evenly, he’d come out of the nightmare, and Todd couldn’t justify touching him any more, he was just being creepy and an asshole. He stood up, his hands sliding gently out of Dirk’s hair.

“Don’t go,” Dirk whined, and to Todd’s horror one eye opened, looking right up at him.

“I’m… shit, I’m sorry, Dirk, I didn’t… I just… you were having a bad dream and I…”

“I know,” he said with a sleepy smile. “Thank you.”

Todd felt his face flush. “Well… if you’re… I’m glad. I’ll just be going—“

“Please stay,” he whispered, and Todd felt his heart ache.

“Sure,” he said with a crooked smile. He could handle the dull ache, he could handle being too close if Dirk wanted him there, he could… shit, that really did hurt.

“Pills,” he croaked, as the muscles between his ribs clenched in threat. “I need--”

“Oh, shit,” Dirk said, tumbling off the sofa and grabbing for the yellow jacket discarded on the floor. He was muttering platitudes, reassurances, but Todd didn’t hear, because he pulled up his shirt and saw the flesh tearing away from his bones, blood soaking his pyjamas, something fluttering beneath and someone was screaming, it hurt, it hurt so much and there was a bitter taste, a swallow…

He slumped sideways onto Dirk’s shoulder. “Thanks.”

“I’m so sorry,” Dirk whispered, and Todd realised he had his arms wrapped around him, hands shaking. “I’m so sorry, if I hadn’t woken you up and shocked you and--”

“Hey, no, that’s not how it works, man,” he said. “Or… well, we’re not sure… but anyway, it just is what it is, it’s not your fault.”

“I’m so sorry,” Dirk said anyway.

Todd rolled his eyes. “Come on, you idiot,” he grumbled. It was the safest way for his heart, being grumpy when he wanted to be safe. Some kinds of hurt were worse than others. He wriggled back and lay on his side on the couch, jerking his head at Dirk. “Lie down and go to sleep, otherwise we’ll never wake up tomorrow.”

Dirk hesitated, his mouth opening and closing, his eyes big and sad, and Todd wished he could be a better person, comfort him instead of pushing him around. But he never had been a nice person, not really, and he wasn’t going to pretend again. He grabbed Dirk’s collar and yanked him down, shoving him in place and draping the blanket over both of them.

For just a moment he indulged a wish, a silly fantasy. It was harmless. He imagined that this was their everyday. That he didn’t have to drag Dirk down to lie next to him, that Dirk snuggled into bed with him rather than this spur of the moment thing on the sofa. That Dirk wanted to lie next to him for more than just comfort from nightmares.

He pushed it away, and lay on his hands, keeping them to himself.

***

They weren’t ready. It wasn’t quite THERE yet, they needed more time but he wouldn’t wait. It was like he knew what Quinn was doing, how close they were and they couldn’t… they just couldn’t bear it, they’d die, they’d do anything to be free of that hell. Quinn stood, every muscle shaking, exhausted and terrified and so, so angry, and they ran.

***

Todd closed his eyes and hunched over his black coffee in bliss. Coffee was his one true love. Coffee didn’t judge him, didn’t mind what a grumpy shit he was - in fact, coffee probably appreciated his moods because it made him want coffee more.

“Yes, Todd, we know you love coffee,” Amanda snorted, kicking him in the ankle. “But we don’t need to see you make love to it in the diner.”

Todd held up his middle finger and drank, his eyes still shut. Beside him, just a little too close for Todd’s sanity, Dirk was eating waffles, swimming in disgusting quantities of maple syrup. He was squirming as he talked, and Todd wasn’t sure if it was a sugar high or just Dirk’s natural twitchy self.

He wiped the smile off his face. He was not adorable. Wriggly people were annoying, all of them, they definitely had always annoyed Todd, and Dirk was no exception. Even if he was also unbearably cute - no. Nope. Not the time.

“Come on,” Farah said, nudging Amanda. “We’ve got a lead on the nightmares up near Queen Anne. You said the Rowdies might be able to catch Morpheus’ scent?”

“Yep, let’s do it. You in?” She asked Todd and Dirk, pushing herself to her feet and sliding out of the booth.

“Uh…” said Dirk.

“We’ll pass,” Todd said wryly. Dirk smiled at him gratefully.

“You know the boys won’t feed off you, right?” Amanda said gently.

“I… yes… but…”

“It’s alright,” she said, patting his shoulder. “Later asshole,” she added, middle finger up again. Todd returned it.

“Ready to go feel the pull of the universe, or whatever?” He asked.

He nodded, his cheeks dimpling, and licked the last of the maple syrup off his fork. Todd looked away quickly.

***

He was close. Quinn’s lungs burned, their muscles ached, and if they hadn’t been so exhausted and dehydrated they’d have wept.

Their legs just barely carried them around the corner, into his industrial unit, budleia and willowherb creeping through the tarmac and beckoning him home, broken glass lying outside like it could protect him, like it was on his side.

Perfect for a final stand.

***

Dirk and Todd were meandering in the usual way when it happened. Dirk had been looking at Todd, earnestly explaining why cows were absolutely, definitely from another dimension (“Oh, and platypuses are totally normal?” “Don’t be ridiculous, Todd, they’ve very clearly primordial and have just missed the memo when it comes to evolution”) when he stopped.

“Dirk?” Said Todd, his mouth still stretched into a smile from the ridiculous conversation. “Everything ok?”

He didn’t answer, just turned on his heel and walked in the opposite direction, his face slack and horrified and like he’d rather do anything else. Todd jogged to catch up, panic and adrenaline seeping into his blood.

***

He was here. He was close, and Quinn had one chance, just one chance.

“Here, kitty kitty kitty! Oh, Mo-o-o-rpheus!”

They swallowed hard and fought back the bile and the memories. Focus!

“Here boy! Where are you?” Priest’s high giggle cut the air and made Quinn flinch violently. “Or are you a girl? You sure cry like a little girl. I think we should find out for sure what you are when we get you home.”

Quinn bit back a whimper violently, squeezing their eyes shut and demanding control, forcing their body to stop trembling. This was the only chance.

“But you’re just a freak, ain’t you boy? Just a freak like all the others, not fit for polite company. You’ve been out here too long, haven’t you?”

Quinn clenched their fists and gathered up all their hate, all their desperation, clenching it into a ball in their chest, and stepped out of the shadows.

“Oh, well, look at you,” Priest said, and chuckled. “What do you look like? Time to go home, isn’t it, boy? Hmm?”

He raised his dart gun. Quinn dug deep. “Fuck you, Mr Priest,” they said, and hurled their power through the palm of their hand and OUT, out into the air and it HURT, it burned every cell, but they’d rather die than go back to Blackwing.

***

Dirk was running now, long legs taking him further away from Todd, and that was absolutely not acceptable. He raced after him, brass knuckles already in place. Bloody idiot was always getting hurt! Didn’t he know Todd was meant to go first to keep him safe?

They heard the screaming before they even got into the warehouse, awful, gurgling noises that made Todd’s hair stand on end.

And then they saw who it was, and Dirk crumpled, falling to his ass and scrambling backwards, hands over his mouth in soundless terror at the black clad man with his back to them. Todd threw himself in front of him, but stopped, open mouthed. There was another figure walking towards Priest. She cocked her head and threw a shard of glass at him, her eyes blank and bored as he screamed again.

“Bart? Holy shit, I thought she was still back in Wendimoor.” He winced as she raised a knife and slashed, an arc of blood spraying across the room like a Vegas fountain. “Jesus Christ, is that… has she just killed Priest?”

He took a step forward in his shock, and, too late, saw the other person in the room.

His eyes rolled back and he felt his knees buckle, but he didn’t feel himself hit the floor. He blinked. There was green grass, a park as far as he could see, with warm sunlight and the sound of spring birds in the distance.

“Todd?” said Dirk, and he looked up. He was standing over him with his hand out, smiling sweetly at him. “Up you get,” he said, and pulled him to his feet. He put his other arm around him as he stood, and Todd felt a jolt of light flood through his body at the contact, at the feeling of being held against Dirk.

“What--”

“Ready for your birthday present?” Dirk asked sweetly. He still hadn’t moved his hands from off Todd’s hips and it was desperately distracting.

“My present? But it’s not…”

“I know it’s early,” he said, his plush lips curling into a wide smile. “But it was such a lovely day, perfect for a picnic, and you know what the weather’s like here.”

“Dirk, wait--” He grabbed Dirk’s sleeve as he turned to lead Todd down the grassy slope. Todd frowned around him. He didn’t recognise the park at all.

“Are you OK?” Dirk asked, his forehead furrowed in concern. “Did you hit your head when you fell?”

“I don’t…” He frowned. “Don’t think so.”

Dirk smiled softly, and it took Todd’s breath away. He’d never smiled at him like that, there’d always been something hidden that he’d never noticed until now. Compared to this smile, all the other smiles he’d ever received were veiled, cautious, half smiles.

He slipped his arms around Todd’s waist, cradling him like he was something delicate and infinitely precious, the way Todd dreamed of holding Dirk, and he couldn’t breathe, because Dirk was dipping his head, his eyes fluttering shut, and he was kissing Todd, sweet and everything and there were nuclear blasts going off behind his vision because it was the most perfect, softest, gentlest kiss and he’d never been kissed like this, never been loved before, not like this, and--

Dirk shuddered in his arms, and he was suddenly heavy, his knees collapsing. Todd grabbed him, horrified, because there was blood, so much blood. Dirk clutched at his chest, riddled with bullet holes, from so many shots he hadn’t even heard, oh god, there was… there was a rattling noise from Dirk’s throat. “Jesus, fuck, Dirk, what… what can I do? Oh my god, oh my god!” he pressed his hands against one wound, then another, his fingers slick with the gore, and Dirk was dying, he couldn’t survive this, and then Todd wouldn’t survive it, and… and Dirk was struggling with pills, cramming two into his mouth, his face crumpled with the effort of swallowing.

Todd felt sick. If he had to move he’d crumble, if he had to speak he’d fall to pieces, because the pills worked fast, he’d been there from the inside, feeling them hit his stomach, dissolve, the drugs absorbed directly through carriers in his stomach lining. He knew how the pain disappeared embarrassingly quickly, like it had all been a nightmare, all in his head, all that pain and despair and…

Dirk slumped back, breathing heavily, still twitching from the aftershocks. The blood was gone, the bullet holes were gone, and yet Todd felt like he was grieving because this… this was wrong. This was his thing to bear, and he’d never thought of it like this but he’d have taken it any day over seeing Dirk in that kind of pain.

“Dirk,” he croaked, his voice trembling, raw, no, no!

“It’s OK,” Dirk said, exhausted, breathing hard like he’d run a marathon, and Todd had been there, and never wanted to be there more than he did now, because Dirk should never have to--

“Hey,” he said, sitting up with an obvious effort and cupping Todd’s cheek. “I’m OK, it’s over.” He leaned forwards and kissed Todd’s cheek, the corner of his mouth. “It was a little better today,” he smiled, exhausted. “Maybe it’ll keep getting better; didn’t you say it started out feeling better a little bit at a time when it happened to you?”

Todd’s blood froze, his entire body stilling as he heard those words in two voices, and this couldn’t… he wouldn’t have, he wouldn’t, he’d learned, he wasn’t… he wasn’t that person, he’d changed, no, please.

“Todd? It’s OK, I have faith,” Dirk said, nudging their noses together. “I’ll get better just like you did. You give me hope.”

Todd staggered back, his ears ringing, the horror flooding over him like ice, like despair, like no please, I’m sorry, I’m sorry and he couldn’t focus, could only hear his name, screamed over and over from a great distance and

***

“Please let me go to him,” Icarus sobbed, his face soaked with tears. The small guy was screaming, his back arching on the floor like he was in terrible pain, but Quinn didn’t understand, there was nothing… what was that nightmare about? What was he afraid of?

They could see the nightmare projected over him, the other Icarus, the other small guy, they’d seen him and Icarus kiss in the field, and then Icarus get hurt, but it wasn’t scary, what kind of worst nightmare was this?

“Todd!” Icarus screamed as he arched and writhed in pain, but Quinn didn’t understand, because the dream shouldn’t be hurting him, it wasn’t like Priest’s nightmare, of Marzana hunting him (the hunter terrified of a bigger hunter, Quinn wanted to laugh, but they thought maybe if they started they might never stop until they fainted) it was nice, most of it. Icarus and the little guy, Todd, they’d been happy, and what the hell kind of nightmare was that?

Quinn was so tired, so tired, they just wanted to sleep, and maybe this time they wouldn’t be hunted in their dreams like they were every day, but they couldn’t be sure… what if this was all one of their own nightmares, wrapping around everyone, bouncing back onto themself, and just… they were so confused…

Icarus yelled Todd’s name again, and he gasped, the weirdly benign nightmare disappearing. But he was still screaming, still squirming, and Quinn held out their hand, not sure whether to aim at Icarus or Todd.

“Please, let me give him his pills, please, he’s going to die like that,” Icarus cried, his arms held up like he was scared of Quinn. But Quinn was the scared one, nobody was scared of Quinn, what was happening, what was going on?

“Please, I beg you, please stop… don’t nightmare me if I go to him, I promise we’ll leave you… we’ll leave you alone, just let me…”

Quinn’s mind was whirling, they couldn’t hold themself up any more, their arm outstretched burning with muscle fatigue, and they slumped forwards. They weren’t sure if they’d decided to do so or not, but it was like drawing breath for the first time after drowning and they staggered forwards onto their hands and knees, gulping air as Icarus threw himself across the warehouse, hands trembling as he tipped pills into Todd’s mouth.

“It’s OK, Todd, you’ll be OK, please swallow them, please… you’ll be OK.” He sniffled and wiped his nose, and held Todd’s head on his lap, rocking back and forth the way they all used to when training got really bad. Quinn rested their head on the ground and closed their eyes.

***

Todd opened his eyes, his throat raw and powdery, bitter from the drugs. Every muscle was lax and overworked, and he felt feverish after the imaginary ice had drained from his body.

He knew it would be normal, but he could never seem to resist holding up his hand, marvelling at the intact skin where he’d just watched it blacken and crumble away in extreme frostbite, flesh shattering and crackling as if he’d been dipped in liquid nitrogen.

And then his nightmare came back, that awful dream where it was Dirk suffering, where he’d lied to someone else he loved, and for the first time after an attack he smiled because that’s all it had been. He was still the one who had pararibulitis, Dirk was safe, or as safe as Dirk ever could be, and he hadn’t lied again.

But Dirk was crying, rocking as he held Todd and that wasn’t good enough. Still blurred with sleep and exhaustion, Todd sat up and wrapped his arms around Dirk’s hunched body, hushing him and pulling him close. “You’re OK, you’re safe.”

“You nearly died,” he wept, clinging on to Todd’s shirt, his fingers tangled in the flannel.

“Nah, I’m fine, see? It was just an attack, and you helped, you were awesome, thank you.”

“I tried to be faster, I’m sorry, Todd, but Morpheus wouldn’t let me go to you… I should have been braver, I should…”

“Hey, no, don’t do that. It’s all fine, I’m-- wait, where’s Morpheus now? Where’s… shit, is Priest dead, or was that an… an illusion or something?”

They staggered to their feet, both shaking from the adrenaline come-down. Todd sidled up to the bloody corpse and scrunched his nose up. “Yeah, I think we can safely say he’s dead.”

“Morpheus is asleep,” Dirk called. But as he leaned over the sleeping figure, Morpheus groaned, blinked, and startled into a crouch, their arm out to blast Dirk into a nightmare and hell no!

Todd threw himself in front of Dirk, covering as much of him as he could with his too-small body and outstretched arms, and snarled at Morpheus. “Leave him the fuck alone, asshole!”

Morpheus blinked and sagged slightly, and Todd felt sympathetic exhaustion in his own knees and shoulders and every inch of his body. “You just—“

“Todd, no,” Dirk gasped, tugging at him, but for a tall guy he was no match for Todd’s better centre of gravity and spiteful stubbornness. “Morpheus, please, don’t—“

“My name’s Quinn,” they said, and dropped their hand. They frowned at Todd. “I saw your nightmare. It didn’t seem so scary.”

“Yeah, well, better me than Dirk, then, huh? Also fuck you.”

“Is that the worst thing?” they asked, and Todd realised they weren’t asking to be an asshole. They genuinely seemed to find it difficult to understand. “Him hurting… is that the worst thing that could happen?”

“Yes,” he said through gritted teeth. “So leave him alone.”

“We just want to help,” Dirk said, one hand clenched in Todd’s shirt. “We don’t mean any harm, we were just investigating. The nightmares. That’s… that’s what I do now, I help. I can help. We can, I mean, me and Todd and Farah and… how long have you been free?”

“Six years,” Quinn said softly. “The security never quite got back to what it was after you guys got out. It was worse for a while but… they were… brittle. Like they knew it was only a matter of time before we all…” they shrugged. “Anyway, I got out. Been running ever since.”

Todd relaxed a bit more, still keeping his own body between Quinn and Dirk’s but letting his muscles unclench just a little. “We can look after you,” he said, only a little grudgingly. “We’re getting better at staying away from Blackwing--”

Quinn shook their head. “Blackwing’s gone. I saw Bart a little while ago, she told me. Said the universe got too loud in her head, she had to… to kill them all. Priest was the only one who got away, but even so…” they glanced at Priest’s crumpled body. “Looks like she had a bit of an impact, if she was his worst nightmare.”

“So you don’t choose the nightmares?”

“No.” They frowned at Todd. “I certainly wouldn’t have chosen… anyway. I just… I just want to be free.”

“We can call Amanda,” Dirk nodded, and stepped closer to Quinn, firmly nudging Todd to the side. “She’ll take you anywhere you want to go, she’s good at that, isn’t she?” Todd shrugged, but now Dirk had said it, he saw it was true. Amanda just had a sense of where people needed to be, where they would feel at home. “She hangs around with the Rowdies now - Project Incubus, you know? They’re… better now she’s with them.”

Quinn raised their eyebrows. “Well, they couldn’t be much worse.”

Todd snorted, and Dirk smiled. “They do stay away when we ask them, at least.”

Quinn took a deep breath, and nodded. “OK. It’s not like… I don’t really know what to do with myself, so someone who knows what to do with me… yeah. Makes sense.” They sighed and sat down on the floor like a marionette with broken strings, filthy and surrounded by blood and dust.

“C’mon,” Todd said, holding out a hand, then pulled back. “Uh, you’re not going to give me a nightmare just by touching me, right?”

“No,” Quinn smirked. “I have to mean it. Sometimes it happens when I’m really scared myself, but… I’m getting better at control. I used to have to touch people to set them off, now I can project the power.” They glanced at Priest. “I had to… had to make myself into a distance weapon.”

“Up you get then,” Todd said. It was only a matter of time before it all hit Quinn, what they’d done, killing someone with his own dreams, and it would probably be good if they weren’t near a dead body when the shock hit. “Stinks in here.”

The three of them stumbled out of the old, red-brick warehouse, Quinn with their arm thrown over Todd’s shoulder, and Dirk on the phone to Amanda. Todd could hear her voice, shrill with fear and anger at them for rushing in without calling for backup - again - and just felt tired, down to his bones. He slumped down onto a low, crumbling wall next to Quinn, and the two of them slouched with their elbows on knees, empty.

The autumn sun went some way to banishing the fear and tension, muscles melting like ice into a shaky puddle of exhaustion, rather than a vibrating string, nearing hysteria. By the time the van drew up, earth-shaking music possibly slightly quieter than usual, Todd realised he was slumped against Dirk, and sat up, embarrassed.

“You’re idiots, both of you,” snapped Farah, hands on hips. “What the hell did you not understand about that lecture on teamwork?”

“Which one,” snorted Todd.

“Take your pick.” She crouched down in front of him, turning his face from side to side by his chin. “Are you hurt, any of you?”

He shook his head, but Dirk piped up “Todd had an attack.”

“It’s fine,” he groaned. “I had my pills.”

“That was my fault, I’m afraid,” Quinn said, hand up, eyes wide and worried. “I nightmared him.”

“So you’re Morpheus,” Amanda said, her arms crossed and her face hard. Todd didn’t know why, she wasn’t usually so stand-offish.

“Quinn,” said Dirk, before Quinn could correct her himself. “Morpheus isn’t their name any more.”

Amanda’s glare softened a bit, and she even quirked Quinn a reluctant half-smile.

They told the story as quickly as they could. Todd managed to skip over the awful dream, and although Dirk and Quinn glanced at him, they didn’t add anything. Todd almost sagged with relief, he didn’t want Amanda to have any reminders of what he’d done to her, how little he deserved. Farah made some calls to her nebulous, magical contacts who knew what to do with the bodies of shadowy government agents murdered by their own nightmares, and Amanda took Quinn off to re-introduce them to the Rowdies and Beast.

“Thank you,” said Dirk’s soft voice, and Todd turned in surprise.

“For what?”

“You stood in front of me… you were going to take a nightmare again for me. You didn’t have to… I wouldn’t have wanted you to…”

Todd looked away, awkward. “Yeah, well… your nightmares would have been ten times worse than mine.”

He cocked his head. “You think?”

“Of course, I mean, you have nightmares all the time, from… from Blackwing, and those bastards…” he clenched his fists on his thighs. “I’m glad he’s dead,” he hissed at the cracked tarmac under his feet.

“I don’t dream of Blackwing,” he said, grabbing Todd’s hand. “Or… no, I do, I guess, but not about me being there. I dream…” he took a deep breath. “I see you. There. I see them doing the tests on you, setting off… setting off attacks to study them, I see… I see myself as one of the agents, hurting you, and…”

“Hey, hey, it’s OK. It’s not real, it’s…” Todd turned and held Dirk’s face cupped in both hands. “I’m fine, you see? It’s all over. Blackwing’s gone, Bart killed them all. You’re safe, we both are, OK?”

Dirk nodded hard, his breath still shaky, his eyes still damp. Todd realised he was still cupping his jaw, started to pull away, but Dirk covered his hands, holding them against his face. “In your dream… your nightmare, I was… I kissed you. We were together.”

Todd pulled away and clenched his fists again. “Shit, I’m sorry, Dirk, I didn’t… I never meant for you to know. I swear I never expected anything, I just… can you forget it?”

“You want that? You want me to kiss you?”

“I mean, it’s fine,” he said, shaking his head, trying to crush that weak, pathetic voice that swelled up inside his chest crying yes! “I’ll get over it, it’s just--”

“Please don’t,” he said, his voice breathless, and Todd looked up because wait, this couldn’t be-- but it was. Dirk’s long fingers wrapped around his skull, buried in the hair at the back of his neck, and he kissed him, lips pressed gently, hungrily to his, so brave and so afraid of being pushed back, and fireworks went off behind Todd’s eyes as he wrapped his arms around Dirk’s neck and kissed back.

“Fucking finally!” whooped Amanda, and Todd didn’t even break the kiss, didn’t even hold up his middle finger, because he would happily be embarrassed and blushing every day for the rest of his life if Dirk would just keep kissing him, keep whimpering into his mouth, pressing closer and clinging to him.

When they finally broke apart, Todd buried his face in the junction of Dirk’s neck and shoulder, let himself be small and sheltered, because when it mattered, when he needed it, he’d be strong, he’d stand in front of Dirk again and keep him safe, because together they’d save each other, again and again, in every way.

@bananaslugger20

[phroyd]

A new conspiracy theory called “The Storm” has taken the grimiest parts of the internet by, well, storm. Like Pizzagate, the Storm conspiracy features secret cabals, a child sex-trafficking ring led (in part) by the satanic Democratic Party, and of course, countless logical leaps and paranoid assumptions that fail to hold up under the slightest fact-based scrutiny. However, unlike Pizzagate, the Storm isn’t focused on a single block of shops in D.C., or John Podesta’s emails. It’s much, much bigger than that.

As most terrible things do, this story begins with a post on /pol/, a sub-board of the more-or-less-anonymous, anything-goes website 4chan. Over the last few years, /pol/ — which technically stands for “politically incorrect” — has slowly but surely become a top contender for the ever-coveted title of the most upsetting community online. It’s the sort of place where neo-Nazis and people who believe women shouldn’t have basic human rights used to meet before we started verifying them on Twitter and electing them to public office. And as of late, it’s expanded its ranks to include fringe members of all shapes and sizes.

On October 28, someone calling themselves Q began posting a series of cryptic messages in a /pol/ thread titled “Calm Before the Storm” (assumedly in reference to that creepy Trump quote from early October). Q claimed to be a high-level government insider with Q clearance (hence the name) tasked with posting intel drops — which he, for some reason, called “crumbs” — straight to 4chan in order to covertly inform the public about POTUS’s master plan to stage a countercoup against members of the deep state. It was, in short, absolutely insane. However, thanks to some rather forced coincidences — like Q kind of, sort of guessing that Trump would tweet the word “small” on Small Business Saturday, and this one time the internet decided that Q was “totally on Air Force One” because he posted a blurry picture of some islands while Trump was on his trip to Asia — and a whole heck of a lot of wishful thinking, people believed he was the real deal.

So he kept talking.

According to Q, Trump was never really involved with Russia, and isn’t actually under investigation by Mueller & Co. On the contrary, Q insists thatit’s actually Clinton and Obama who were corrupted by Putin (and are nowactually under investigation by Mueller) because they’re obviously just evil, money-hungry globalists who’ll do anything for the highest bidder. (Oh, yeah, and they’re also apparently into raping and killing children, though the crowd is split over whether this is because they’re satanists or just part of some weird blackmail scheme involving the CIA.) Q also claims that Trump, the genius that he is, figured all of this out way back when he was just a measly presidential candidate, and has been pretending to love Putin and/or be involved with Russia ever since as a way to force a third party to investigate these horrors — without drawing the attention of those evil Dems-who-must-not-be-named, of course — because he’s just that selfless of a leader.

In this fantasy world, all of the far right’s wildest dreams come true: Q promises that Clinton, Obama, Podesta, Abedin, and even McCain are all either arrested and wearing secret police-issued ankle monitors, or justabout to be indicted; that the Steele dossier is a total fabrication personally paid for by Clinton and Obama; and that the Las Vegas massacre was most definitely an inside job connected to the Saudi-Clinton cabal.

They believe all of this will be coming to a head any day now. That “The Storm” — of arrests, political turmoil, and Republican vindication — is coming. Though there have been some, uh, miscalculations as for exactly when.

For example, take this “crumb” left by Q on November 1:

Q Clearance Patriot

My fellow Americans, over the course of the next several days you will undoubtedly realize that we are taking back our great country (the land of the free) from the evil tyrants that wish to do us harm and destroy the last remaining refuge of shining light. On POTUS’ order, we have initiated certain fail-safes that shall safeguard the public from the primary fallout which is slated to occur 11.3 upon the arrest announcement of Mr. Podesta (actionable 11.4). Confirmation (to the public) of what is occurring will then be revealed and will not be openly accepted. Public riots are being organized in serious numbers in an effort to prevent the arrest and capture of more senior public officials. On POTUS’ order, a state of temporary military control will be actioned and special ops carried out. False leaks have been made to retain several within the confines of the United States to prevent extradition and special operator necessity. Rest assured, the safety and well-being of every man, woman, and child of this country is being exhausted in full. However, the atmosphere within the country will unfortunately be divided as so many have fallen for the corrupt and evil narrative that has long been broadcast. We will be initiating the Emergency Broadcast System (EMS) during this time in an effort to provide a direct message (avoiding the fake news) to all citizens. Organizations and/or people that wish to do us harm during this time will be met with swift fury – certain laws have been pre-lifted to provide our great military the necessary authority to handle and conduct these operations (at home and abroad).

POTUS will be well insulated/protected on AF1 and abroad (specific locations classified) while these operations are conducted due to the nature of the entrenchment. It is time to take back our country and make America great again. Let us salute and pray for the brave men and women in uniform who will undertake this assignment to bring forth peace, unity, and return power to the people.

It is our hope that this message reaches enough people to make a meaningful impact. We cannot yet telegraph this message through normal methods for reasons I’m sure everyone here can understand. Follow the questions from the previous thread(s) and remain calm, the primary targets are within DC and remain at the top (on both sides). The spill over in the streets will be quickly shut down. Look for more false flags — stay alert, be vigilant, and above all, please pray.

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. Love is patient, love is kind.”

God bless my fellow Americans.

I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but November has come and gone without the slightest hint of a Q-style military-backed Armageddon. Yet, this pretty glaring mistake doesn’t seem to have weakened anyone’s faith in Q. If anything, it’s brought more followers into the fold.

Over the last month and a half, the Storm has spread from the depths of 4chan and 8chan to Reddit, YouTube, and Twitter, where it’s found hundreds of thousands of devout followers. Some of the most popular explainer videos boast nearly 200,000 views, and the QAnon hashtag has gotten so popular, it’s honestly difficult to track. (I signed up for one of those freebie “Track Your Hashtag Now!” services and #QAnon hit the 2,000-post limit within four hours.) Some poor soul even took the time to write a 117-page book charting Q’s rise to power, which I’m guessing has been seen at least as many times as this very aggressive Imgur guide, which was at 137,000 views as of Sunday night.

It’s been a little over a year since Edgar Welch, military-style assault rifle in hand, walked into a D.C. pizza parlor, convinced it was part of a child sex-trafficking ring run by Hillary Clinton, and the internet hasn’t gotten better. If anything, it’s worse.

Sure, in the wake of Pizzagate’s brief encounter with reality, a lot of changes were made: Reddit shut down the conspiracy’s designated sub, Twitter suspended some of the movement’s most vocal supporters, and the whole thing was debunked time and time again by the press. But it’s more evident now than ever that this was merely a Band-Aid, not a cure. And now, here we are a year later with the same thing. Sure, it’s a bit bigger and a whole lot less focused, but at its core, it’s the same. What is there even left to try? We know that stopping the conversation doesn’t work. Neither do the facts. How can we even begin to argue with hundreds of thousands of people who choose to believe that a top government agent is speaking to them through 4chan, that Trump has been playing a game of 4-D mind chess this whole time, and that the Las Vegas massacre was an inside job? Is the next Edgar Welch already out there, scrolling through the Calm Before the Storm thread, and if so, is it even possible to stop him?

Phroyd

[avengeultrons]

Title: Home for the Holidays (Reader x Peter Parker) 

Summary: Natasha brings her niece home for the holidays, just in time for all of the drama.

Word Count: 1453

A/N: This is an early Christmas gift/first part of an ongoing christmas gift hopefully so I really hope you enjoy! MERRY CHRISTMAS! Also this was really quick to upload so it’s not edited thoroughly! 

--

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to New York,” the airplane pilot’s warm voice welcomed all of you to your home state. Some people clapped as the plane slowed, excited to get off and see their families. You yanked your earbuds out and gathered your things, bouncing your foot impatiently.  All you had left to do was navigate the holiday crowds of the airport and grab your bags and you would be on your way to visit your aunt and her great group of friends in the city that never sleeps, your home away from home for the holidays.

With your backpack thrown over your shoulder, you braved the crowd. You couldn’t even hear soft bells ringing in the Christmas music over the bustling people trying to get to their destinations. A large, extravagantly decorated tree caught your eye as soon as you left the gate, and your aunt Natasha stood front and center with a glittery sign, your name written in large cursive, “Y/N!” she pulled her cell phone out and started recording as you ran to her, your arms open wide to envelope her into a hug, “Gosh you’ve grown up. You’re a teen now! That video was so cute, I’m sending it to everyone. I can’t believe you’re here!”

“I’ve missed you so much,” you said with a laugh as you looped your arm through hers. Natasha was always the cool aunt who slipped you cash whenever she was over and would have sleepovers of pizza and movies in your bedroom when she was supposed to be babysitting.

Natasha led the way to baggage claim where you grabbed your things and followed her to her car, “I have so much to tell you, Y/N. First off, Tony and Steve had a big blowout. Huge, dramatic fight. I guess you’ll find that out at the holiday party tonight,” she heaved a sigh as she lugged your suitcase behind her, “It’s freezing out here. Wait, where’s your coat? Here, I somehow knew you’d forget so I brought an extra,” Natasha tossed you a puffy coat that had a fluffy hood and stared at you until you threw it on with a groan.

You and Natasha talked the whole ride to the Avengers Facility about everything you had to catch up on since the last time you were in town, and the last time you were in New York City  was when you were seven. The fact that the last time you had seen everyone was when you still thought an octopus could come out of the bathtub drain was making you nervous; you hadn’t seen these people in nine years.

“Welcome to your home for the holidays!” Natasha parked the car and helped you grab your things from the back seat, your nerves bubbling up inside you. She led the way to the door and threw it open, doing dramatic jazz hands as she stepped aside to let you in.

You could hear the cheerful commotion as soon as you walked inside and dropped your bags by the door, “Y/N’s here! It’s baby Nat!” you could hear Steve from the kitchen and laughed at the nickname, Natasha throwing her arm over your shoulder as the common area filled with excited Avengers.

“You’re getting so old,” Clint ran over and hugged you, a hearty laugh escaping his lips. You rolled you eyes at him; Clint was basically an uncle to you, one with too many bad jokes to count.

“I could say the same for you,” you smirked over at him, which only made everyone laugh more. Clint merely rolled his eyes, but ended up smiling anyways.

You were put to work as soon as you were shown where you’d be sleeping. The Avengers Facility was big, too big for just Natasha and a new Avenger that had taken a keen liking to you, Wanda, to decorate for the party alone. You didn’t mind one bit, it gave you something to do to pass the time until Tony’s party. Yet you hadn’t even seen him yet, he wasn’t around when you arrived, “Y/N, go ahead and set up the Christmas village on the mantle, we can string lights around it,” Wanda pointed to the sleek and modern mantle above the fireplace where nothing but a creepy robot head with glowing blue eyes sat.

Jingle Bell Rock was playing through fancy bluetooth speakers in the kitchen and you were nodding off in your seat at the bar, watching Natasha and Steve make candy cane shaped sugar cookies for the party. It had been a long day already and it wasn’t even over.

“Boo!” A hand on your shoulder jolted you awake, pulling you out of the nap you had almost been graced with. Your eyes widened and you whipped around to see that it was only Tony, a wide smile on his face, “and you all thought I’d be late to my own party. Welcome back, Y/N,” he rubbed the top of your head obnoxiously, something he used to do to mess up your hair and make you laugh.

You swatted at his hand and got up, rubbing your eyes exhaustedly, “Hi,” you said, trudging over to the counter to pour yourself a cup of coffee. Natasha and Tony eyes you carefully, eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “What, am I not allowed to drink coffee?”

“I didn’t know they started them so young,” Tony said with a look of shock and bemusement, “On, Y/N. You’re a teen right?” Natasha rolled her eyes and laughed quietly to herself as you nodded, taking a bite out of one of  the candy cane shaped cookies, “Great! Mr. Parker is a teen, too. Peter, meet Y/N,” with that, Tony grabbed a tray of sugar cookies and ran off to the party already filling with people.

You looked over at Natasha wearily for help, but she merely shrugged. Her and Wanda shared a glance, an all knowing look that left them both giggling quietly to themselves. You huffed and leaned against the counter while the fellow teenager sauntered over, his hands jammed into his pockets, “How long has it been since you’ve been here?” he asked you with a nervous smile.

“Ten hours and twenty six minutes,” you said in a whisper, causing him to laugh. Your aunt glanced over her shoulder at you and wiggles her eyebrows tantalizingly, making your cheeks turn pink. You sent her a glare, “But who’s counting?”

“I’m Peter, by the way. If you, uh, didn’t know,” the boy named Peter crossed his arms over his chest, almost too nervous to look at you directly in the eye, “Are you glad to be back?”

You merely shrugged, snagging another cookie off of the serving platter. Wanda had to swat your hand away and shoo the two of you out of the kitchen and into the party of usually sophisticated adults loosening up with beers and gingerbread, “I knew that. Tony introduced us, remember? Glad to be back? For the most part. It was home for a long time, after all. ” you said with a shrug, finding yourself beginning to spill too much of your family life with a boy you’d just met, “But anyways… who are you? Like, what do you do?” “What do I do? I go to school,” he gave a nervous laugh, yanking at the collar of his holiday sweater while you gave him an all-knowing look. You knew that everyone that was apart of the Avengers had something, “I mean, I’m an intern for Mr. Stark.” A huff escaped your lips as you reached for the hanging snowflake ornament on the tree. It was one that you had made, it even had your name and the year you made it on the back, all worn from love, “I mean, what do you do? You can tell me, you know. I know there’s something,” you smiled at him, cocking your head to the side. He was quite cute, cuter than anyone back at home. You’d never had a boyfriend, only a quick kiss from a boy that you later found out was a dare.

“Okay, fine. I’m Spider-Man,” your eyes lit up and you opened your mouth to say something as he shushed you. Spider-Man was your personal favorite to keep up with on Twitter and YouTube. He was always saving someone on the streets of New York, “Quiet!”

“Can you, like, shoot webs and everything? Wow, I can’t believe aunt Nat didn’t tell me,” you shook your head at him, a wide smile on your face. Your cheeks were beginning to hurt from smiling so much that day, “Okay, now I’m definitely glad to be back.”

[junker-town]

Dorktown: The god-awful drive that changed NFL history

Now that the new episode of Dorktown has dropped, Jon Bois and Alex Rubenstein to discuss Mark Sanchez, dynasties, and whether or not Jon is stupid.

Thanks to everyone who watched our latest episode of Dorktown! This one was a little different than any other Dorktown episode we’ve ever made: rather than simply telling a story, we made an argument that has proven to be a little controversial: that one disastrous drive in 2011 changed the course of a franchise and, in turn, NFL history.

Below, Alex and I chatted about some odds and ends surrounding the episode. Hope you enjoy. And hey, if you haven’t already, remember to subscribe to Secret Base on YouTube.

Jon: This video stars the Jets in the years before and after 2010, and I gotta say, I found this team really endearing at the time. Darrelle Revis was incredible to watch, Rex Ryan was prone to popping off and saying whatever, and Mark Sanchez was a guy I found myself pulling for. I really wanted him to be able to put it all together, but his numbers with the Jets indicate he, uh, didn’t.

I find it pretty difficult to evaluate quarterback talent. Part of that is because I’m just bad at it, but part of it is that I feel like it’s so context-dependent and the sample is so small. So I guess my question for you is, do you think a world could exist in which Sanchez emerged as a good quarterback? Do you think maybe he was in a sub-optimal system, and that he would have thrived on a different team? Or do you think we saw the best Mark Sanchez we were ever gonna see?

Alex: I think Mark Sanchez was certainly in a sub-optimal offensive ecosystem that was coordinated by Brian Schottenheimer and that didn’t necessarily have an abundance of threatening downfield targets.

However, to me the biggest problem with Sanchez is that even playing behind a strong offensive line led by stalwarts D’Brickashaw Ferguson and Nick Mangold, he just couldn’t function once he got hit.

He could look great in practice or throwing against air, but when the bullets were flying and he got clobbered a couple times, he’d get way too easily rattled. That’s why someone like Eli Manning was able to carve out a 16-year career and a couple Super Bowl MVPs despite hardly having the same kind of talent as top-end quarterbacks such as his brother.

The man could get smacked in the mouth time after time after time and he’d get up every time. It never affected his subsequent plays. Sanchez would get knocked to the ground and then his passes would practically sail to the Hudson River. It is impossible to succeed as an NFL quarterback if you can’t shake off hits, so I really don’t think Sanchez would’ve lived up to his draft status regardless of which team selected him.

Jon: Ouch, man. It’s sort of fascinating to consider how we perceive this kind of stuff. Like, ask your average football fan what they think of Mark Sanchez, and odds are they’ll tell you that on the field he was a baby idiot loser. Whereas in reality, he was perhaps in the 99.94th percentile of toughest human beings instead of the 99.994th. Do percentiles go to 100 or stop at 99? Don’t care, I’m sticking with it.

Speaking of baby idiot losers, I think that’s what I might be after my declaration in the video that the Chiefs are a possible dynasty in the making. Gettin’ a little bit of shit for that one, which I think is fair. “What is a dynasty?” is up there with “what is a sport?” on the list of most tedious sports debates, but since I brought it up, I’ve kind of doomed myself to having this argument. If you had to peg what constitutes a dynasty, what would you consider the requisite qualities? Multiple Super Bowl wins? One Super Bowl win with a couple more appearances peppered in? If the ‘90s Bills had won one of their four Super Bowls, you think they’d qualify as a dynasty?

Alex: But is Joe Flacco elite? Those Bills squads would be tough to classify as a dynasty even had they hit their last-second field goal in Super Bowl XXV just because, while they did win their conference each of the next three years, they were so thoroughly out-classed in each of those ensuing Super Bowls. The AFC during that time was basically like the NBA’s Eastern Conference for about a half-decade following Mike Jordan’s middle retirement. You only get so much credit for winning that conference.

I would loosely consider any team that wins multiple titles in a window of time that’s less than twice that in years to be a dynasty. For example, winning two titles in three or fewer years, three in five or fewer years, etc. But there can also be hard-to-quantify exceptions; I don’t know if I’d consider those late-90s Broncos a dynasty after back-to-back titles and then their precipitous 1999 decline, but it’s certainly debatable.

A team that only wins one title but puts up a hell of a fight in an adjacent run or two to the championship round — such as the mid-90s Braves (1995 title, outscored Yankees by eight runs in 1996 World Series) or mid-00s Pistons (2004 title, one flubbed rotation from a likely repeat) — might warrant that dynastic title. Especially when acknowledging fortunes can change, it doesn’t seem ridiculous to look at the Chiefs’ body of work from 2018-20, combine that with the fact that their best player is 25 years old and under team control until the sun burns out, and extrapolate to say a dynasty is a possible end result. Defensible remark!

Jon: Right! I do think these Chiefs need one more Super Bowl win before we can call them a dynasty. Admittedly, it was dangerous of me to even suppose something like that. Things change so, so quickly. I mean, this could very easily be another Seahawks situation: they win a Super Bowl, then lose another, and it feels like they’ll inevitably be back. But even though their superstar quarterback has stayed healthy and actually improved over the years, while they’re often a tough out, they haven’t been back in any of the years since. That could just as easily end up being the Chiefs’ story.

Now, I said something else in this episode that’s understandably being scrutinized. I concluded that if the Chiefs waited until the offseason to fire Todd Haley, they probably would have made an outside hire to replace him. I could be wrong about that. Romeo Crennel was well-liked within the organization and it’s possible they would have simply promoted him. Still ... I gotta think that shocking Packers upset was the thing that sealed it for him, and if he hadn’t coached that game they would’ve looked outside the organization. And if they did, that guy would be far more likely to have a multi-year leash. So, Alex, would you care to settle this once and for all? If you disagree, you’ll be betraying your friend. If you agree, you will then by default become the person everyone is mad at instead of me. Anyway, have fun!

Alex: I’ve seen it too much first-hand with my Niners. Mike Singletary as interim coach parlayed pulling down his pants and turning around Vernon Davis’ career into getting the full-time gig. A couple years later when he was fired with one game left in 2010, Jim Tomsula took over and presided over a destruction of the Cardinals. He didn’t immediately turn that into becoming the permanent coach as the 49ers won the Jim Harbaugh sweepstakes, but that was a huge reason why he eventually got the job once CEO Jed York fired Harbaugh. Teams love overreacting to one thing an interim coach does. Although to be fair, we all know the one surefire way to get a promotion is by dropping your pants in the middle of the workplace.

That game had to have played a key role in Clark Hunt’s calculus to give Crennel the job. I’ll take the heat, Jon. No problem. Everyone can tweet their rage at me until the cows come home.

[Editor’s note: Alex does not have a Twitter account.]

[starryeyed-char]

On Camera

Or that one time Lance decided to live-stream when he really should’ve been resting. The (established) klance YouTuber AU that no one asked for, but you’re all getting. Domestic klance sharing an apartment is my jam, and throwing a little angst in there is a bonus.

I’m actually really happy with this, and if people like it I might do an actual long AU thing with this setting, so feedback is appreciated! For now though, just a one-shot. This is also proof that the best writing for me happens at 3 AM… oops. I hope you enjoy!!

Psst @taylor-tut this is that thing I not-so-discreetly mentioned in my tags, have a wonderful day.

Lance McClain was a rulebreaker in every way, except for one thing. He believed it was always necessary to have a routine, and never stray from it. If asked, he’d inform you that a steady routine was the foundation for a steady life.

Showering every morning, brushing his teeth every night, thinking of a cheesy one-liner for Keith each day without fail, the list went on. Little things.

One of his many routines was to live-stream, always on Sundays. Because who did anything besides sit at home, definitely not with a hangover, on Sunday?

New videos went up on Wednesdays, but the carefully edited ones on YouTube and his live-streams were very different. Many fans even preferred seeing him live, mainly because he couldn’t stop himself from making bad jokes, and was usually too lazy to straighten his bedhead.

And they would always ask him to go bother Keith in the next room, which Lance more often than not was obliged to do.

So when he woke up late one Sunday with a killer headache and a stuffy nose, Lance wasn’t about to let it get in the way of his routine.

He discovered a note from Keith on the kitchen table that said he’d be out running errands, and Lance lamented that he hadn’t been awake to tell Keith to get soup. After shooting him a quick text, the only response Lance got was “You don’t even like soup.”

Lance chuckled softly, which quickly led to a series of wet coughs. Clearing his throat, he began to set up his camera, wrapped himself up in blankets, and started the stream.

“Hey guys,” he said with a small wave, and winced at how raspy his voice sounded. He sniffled, and edged the off-screen box of tissues closer to him.

The chat was quickly flooded with “HELLO”’s and “LANCE!”’s. By now, all the fans knew when he went live. Lance was, however, surprised to see several inquiries about his health.

There were quite a few “Are you okay”’s, and even some “You seem sick”’s, with one of Lance’s personal favorites being “You look like shit.”

He read off the last comment with a short laugh. “Thanks, KeiththeKutie05.” Then, as an afterthought, he added, “Nice name.”

After a short pause of him continuing to scan the chat, he spoke again. “I’m fine though, just got a cold or something. Nothing could stop me from live-streaming!”

As the viewers seemed satisfied with this response, Lance wasn’t surprised to see the usual repetition of “Where’s Keith?” in the chat. He sighed.

“Mullet Boy is running errands,” Lance told them, rolling his eyes for effect. “Probably going out to buy a new pair of fingerless gloves.”

Keith and Lance had been sharing an apartment for some time now, and the Internet was very invested in their relationship, or so it seemed. Keith was annoyed by the whole thing at first, but Lance found it entertaining that his fans seemed to like Keith better than him. Lance could, admittedly, relate.

Eventually, the accidental publicity that came with dating a YouTuber inspired Lance to make a collab channel for them, though Keith never got his own. He insisted that he was too awkward to film anything by himself, which Lance secretly found adorable.

Numerous people began telling Lance to prank Keith when he came back, to which Lance grinned. Playing tricks on Keith during live-streams had become somewhat of a tradition in and of itself. “Maybe I will,” Lance tapped his chin thoughtfully. “You guys got any ideas?”

Lance read through some of the responses but saw nothing particularly appealing, then perked up at someone asking when he’d do a video with Hunk again.

“Actually, I got some good news for you guys,” Lance declared, sneezing into his elbow before continuing. “Hunk and I are going to be playing videogames on Pidge’s channel sometime next week, and Hunk has both of us coming over to his and Shay’s for a baking video. I haven’t decided what we should do for my part yet. Maybe a Q & A?”

Once again, Lance’s eyes scanned through the suggestions until his eyes snagged on one he liked. “Cards Against Humanity, huh? With YouTube’s shitty new rules it could get demonetized, but I do love that game, so why not? I’m positive Pidge owns it, and I can tell them to bring it over. Maybe I can even convince Keith to play with us.”

Lance couldn’t help but smile at the enthusiastic response that got.

“I think I’m going to get myself some more coffee,” Lance decided, looking down at the empty mug resting on a coaster. “Last night Keith made me watch this really scary movie, so I naturally had trouble falling asleep. Gotta have coffee to keep myself functioning. Do you guys prefer coffee or tea? Keith and I are both coffee people, but he likes his black. No sugar or anything, disgusting if you ask me.”

Lance almost regretted this comment as a war of opinions on black coffee slowly took over his computer screen.

“Well, anyway, I’m gonna go to the kitchen real quick. I’d bring my laptop but… I’d probably spill coffee on it, and we can’t have that.”

Lance stood, and was about to start towards the next room when his vision abruptly blurred and refocused. He knew immediately something was wrong.

His legs felt like jelly, and the room seemed to spin as he took a single step forward. Had he only been fine when he was sitting? Lance had half the mind to sit right back down, but his brain was growing muddled, and direction simply didn’t make sense.

Lance’s migraine flared abruptly in intensity, and then suddenly the wood floor was rushing up to meet him. Everything went dark.

Keith glanced at his phone as he moved around to the back of the car, where he’d stored the groceries, and had to repress a fond smile at the Twitter notification on the screen. Lance was, apparently, live-streaming. Keith thought he might actually miss his time-slot for once, but he figured by now he should be used to the Cuban boy’s dedication to routine.

Lance’s channel got some negative feedback from more ‘sophisticated’ YouTubers for being… all over the place. A dedicated beauty guru, or PrinceLotor as his channel was called, had dragged Lance on Twitter on more than one occasion.

Lance was anything but consistent when it came to videos. He did whatever he felt like doing that week, and the fans loved it. Sometimes he played songs on his guitar, sometimes he did prank-calls. He would film Q&A’s, or tell stories about all the interesting stuff that happened in his life— Lance’s bad luck was rather famous. He recommended TV shows, did hauls of what he got for holidays, vlogged on occasion when he went to stores, you name it.

But Lance’s favorite thing to do were collabs.

Hunk, an incredibly smart engineer, had a baking channel as a hobby, and Lance was his favorite assistant.

Pidge was a newer gaming channel, but their obsession with theorizing about the game’s lore while playing and busting other fan theories made them grow in popularity quickly. For two player games, Lance was ideal.

Allura was an extremely popular beauty channel, and Lance let her give him makeovers whenever she wanted to. Shiro could use extra actors in his short films.

And Keith… well, the two of them had a channel together that had no pattern whatsoever, much to Lance’s dislike. Absolutely spontaneous and random, usually doing things by popular fan request, like dancing or karaoke. And uploads were by no means regular.

Keith was surprised at how much he had started to enjoy it. Lance had been telling him he should start an art channel, with animations and speedpaints and the like, and Keith wasn’t… that opposed to the idea. It could be a useful source of income, to help with all the debt he would come into after graduating college. But he’d never tell Lance.

Without thinking too much of it, Keith swiped right across his screen, taking him to Lance’s tweet about the live-stream in order to like it. He was about to close his phone again and begin taking groceries up to their apartment when his eyes snagged on something odd.

Lots of the replies to Lance’s tweet mentioned him, particularly the recent ones, even tagging him in it. Keith couldn’t fathom why they would be talking about him if he wasn’t on the stream, unless Lance was complaining about him live again.

Keith bristled. Lance better not be still annoyed at him for the movie the last night. Signs wasn’t scary at all, and not even a real horror movie! Lance simply stated that 'he didn’t mess with aliens.’

But when he looked at all the mentions, Keith felt his irritation give way to confusion, and then panic.

“KEITH GET TO UR APARTMENT”, “YOU BETTER GO CHECK ON LANCE”, “HOLY SHIT HES COLLAPSED KEITH HURRY YA ASS UP”, and the one that really sent Keith reeling “UH GUYS IS IT JUST ME OR DID WE WITNESS LANCE’S DEATH ON CAMERA?”

Keith slammed the trunk, all groceries forgotten as he sprinted into the apartment building and ran for the stairs. They only lived on the third floor, and he was not about to wait for the slow, crowded elevator.

He fumbled to fit his key in the lock and opened the door to the living room, only to spot the live-streaming set up, with no Lance. Keith rushed forward, but drew up short when he realized that Lance was in fact passed out on the floor in front of the couch.

“Oh my god— Lance!” Keith sank down beside him, turning his boyfriend over. “Lance, are you okay? Can you hear me?”

Lance’s eyes opened slowly, and Keith felt relief flood his system, despite the uncharacteristically pale skin. “K-Keith? Wha… I thought you were shopping?”

“I’m back,” Keith answered shortly, wincing as he pressed a hand onto Lance’s forehead. “Jeez, you’re on fire. Why didn’t you tell me you were this sick?!”

“Are you a fire?” Lance mumbled under his breath, and Keith furrowed his brows in confusion.

“What? No, Lance, I was saying you have a fever.”

“Because you’re hot and I want s'more,” Lance continued, as if he hadn’t heard him at all. Keith was suddenly painfully aware that the live-stream was still going, and that his face was even more flushed than Lance’s, and not because of a fever.

Keith glanced at the computer sitting on the coffee table briefly, noting that most of the chat was full of random keyboard smashing. He smiled apologetically. “At least he’s conscious,” he shrugged, hoisting Lance up off the floor and propping one of his arm’s around Keith’s shoulder. “I’m going to take this idiot to the hospital, he’s way too hot.”

“So you finally admitted it,” Lance’s voice was barely audible, and Keith glanced back down to see him grinning up at Keith tiredly.

“I meant your temperature, dumbass. Next time, tell me when you’re not feeling well.”

And with that, he shut off the stream.

[whimsicallyenchantedrose]

Colin O’Donoghue--OUAT Chicago 6/11/17

Colin O’Donoghue Q&A Panel

Note:  I had some issues with my recordings of this particular panel.  I had to record the panel in 4 separate parts, because my voice recorder couldn’t handle any more than 17 minutes at a time.  A couple of the parts went missing.  I was able to fill in most of the missing segments after hunting through YouTube for videos to supplement what I had, but there are, I think, a couple of minutes I’m still missing.

Announcer:  Welcome Captain Hook himself, Mr. Colin O’Donoghue!

Colin:  Awesome!  A bit of Led Zepplin.  You can’t beat it.  Hello everyone!

Fan (from audience):  Hello, gorgeous.

Colin:  (looks around behind him)  Who you talking to?

Fan (from audience): You!

Colin:  Oh, thank you.  It’s a lot…it’s a lot of people.  Hello.  I guess I’m gonna start with the questions.

Fan: Hi, sorry. (giggles and cries)

Colin:  This is a good start.

Fan:  I’ve been waiting for this for a very long time.

Colin:  Hold on.  I’m going to come right over here.  (gives fan a hug)  Okay, you see she got to smell how bad I smell so then she can ask her question.

Fan:  So what was your most awkward scene to film with Jen?

Colin:  I just gave you a hug!  Um….probably the scene…oh, no!  Actually I know this!

Fan (from audience): Pancakes!

Colin:  I was gonna say that scene, but I’m not gonna say that scene now.  There’s a couple of awkward scenes, for definite, but I think the one where I knock myself out was pretty awkward because, well basically my stunt double had to do an awful lot of the stuff and he had to act it out, and then it was sort of like...  It wasn’t awkward for me; it was funny for me, because they had to sort of…cause I had to kiss her, he had to kiss her and it was just kind of a funny, awkward thing. Anyway.  All the scenes are great. But thank you for that question.

Fan:  If Hook hadn’t found Emma, what do you think his happy ending would have been?

Colin:  Oh!  I mean…you do know there’s another season coming up, so?  I don’t know.  I think probably if he hadn’t found Emma and hadn’t figured out a way of redeeming himself, then probably, I think probably killing Rumplestiltskin would have been his Happy Ending.  That’s what…he spent 200 years trying to figure out a way to kill him, so I think that’s probably it, I would think.

Fan:  Hi, what’s up?

Colin:  Not much.  You?

Fan:  I’m very excited right now.

Colin: Good.

Fan:  So, earlier you kind of peeked out of the back room with a ukulele.

Colin:  Yes I did.

Fan:  And I was kind of wondering if you could, like, play for us or sing us something.

Colin:  I don’t have a ukulele here.

Fan:  Would you sing us something?  You had to know this question would be asked, so…

Colin:  What do you want?

Crowd: (makes several suggestions)

Fan:  Your favorite song.

Colin:  Sing what?

Fan:  You’re favorite song.  Go with your favorite song?

Colin:  Revenge!  (He sings the first stanza while the crowd cheers wildly.)  Thank you. Thank you for letting me embarrass myself singing that on the Internet.

Fan:  Did you do musicals when you were in high school? If you did, what musical would you do now if given the chance?

Colin:  I clearly didn’t do musicals in high school, as I’m sure that you could tell.  Um…Les Miserables.

Fan:  Hi Colin.  How are you?

Colin:  I’m good, thanks.  How are you?

Fan:  Good.  So, with Jennifer leaving the show, what do you think the storyline for Hook will look like?

Colin:  Well, it will look a lot like me.

Fan:  Well that’s good, but what do you think you’ll end up as?

Colin:  Well I can’t…I can’t really give away anything, so… Did they tell me?  I might know a few bits and pieces, but I’m not gonna tell ya.  I’ll tell you one thing I would like to see.  I’d like to see what the relationship between Henry and Hook will be, because obviously he’s Henry’s step-father, and also kind of weirdly his step grandfather, as well.  Am I right?  That’s right, isn’t it?  Well that’s just plain weird.  Yeah, so I’m excited to see…to explore some of that I think.

Fan:  Hi Colin.  My question is given how many times Rumples’s fallen off the wagon; do you think Killian will make a point of looking out for Belle and Gideon going forward?

Colin:  Oh, that’s a good one.  I think so.  Hook and Belle have a new, sort of, friendship, which I think is really, really good, so I think he would look after Belle.  Gideon?  He tried to kill my wife!

Fan:  He’s a baby now; he doesn’t remember that.

Colin:  Oh yeah, he’s a baby now; I guess he would look out for him. Yeah, why not?

Fan:  I just ask because the scene at Granny’s in the finale, when Belle comes in with the baby, he’s all excited, yay, the baby’s here with Belle, and then Rumple comes in and his face sort of falls.  He’s still with Belle and the baby, I forgot.  

Colin:  Um, yes.  Look, Hook and Rumple…it’s complicated, you know what I mean?  Even though they’ve sort of…Hook just plain doesn’t like him, and that’s it.  So I think that that’s sort of, where that is, you know?

Fan:  Hi Colin.  First of all thanks for all the time you spent saying hi to everyone and signing everything, so thank you for that.  My question is, of all the things you signed today what was the most interesting, unusual?

Colin:  Oh, I signed the underparts of a dinosaur.  Whose dinosaur was that?  Whose T Rex was that?  Down there? (Girl holds her hand up.) They had me sign a very uh…very uh interesting place.  I don’t know if that’s because they don’t really like me that much.  I don’t know how often they’re gonna look there. Anyway, that was it.  Thank you.

Fan:  I had a photo-op with you earlier, and I was so nervous I couldn’t look at you, but I forgot.  I did mean to tell you I think you’re an amazing actor and I love you. My question, well earlier, at Karen David’s panel, she told us that someone should tell you that you’re a fancy pants, and she shared some stories about you, so I was wondering if you had any funny stories about her.

Colin:  I don’t have anything to say.

Fan [in crowd]  Panty dropper! [Note:  In Karen’s panel, she told us that she kids Colin about some of the hashtags about him on Twitter.  Her favorite to tease him with are Fancy pants and Panty dropper.  She told the crowd we should say those things to him and watch him turn red.]

Colin:  [blushes and gets tongue tied]  I don’t have anything to say about Karen David.  I can tell you that she’s very, very giggly and very easy to make laugh. I…I…I…uh…thank you.

Fan:  Hi, so first, thank you for wearing my pin still.  It means a lot.

Colin:  It’s awesome.  It’s a mini me.

Fan:  My question is if Captain Hook made a Starbucks drink, what would its name be?

Colin:  Um…Pirate’s Booty?  Thanks.  This is great, I feel like I’m a comedian today.

Fan:  Hello again.

Colin:  Hi, how are you?

Fan:  My question is a costume one, and it has to do with your rings. I know that Hook’s costume changes are subtle, but they’re always important, because he doesn’t do it often. I was wanting to know with the rings. I know he had to give up one for the wedding ring when he married Emma, but the other two…I kind of felt like maybe he was doing it because he wanted to move forward, those rings were like a symbol of his past and helped him to remember the man he used to be.  When you changed all the rings I thought maybe it was ‘cause…

Colin:  You mean for the wedding costume?

Fan:  Right.  

Colin:  Yeah, I think a lot of that was sort of, accessorizing.

Fan:  Yeah, but like, in Hook’s mind…

Colin:  In Hook’s mind, I think it was more just to have something in keeping with the sort of sincerity of the moment, and the rings, if you see them are quite...  You’re right; his rings are important to him.  They’re very subtle, even though they’re big pirate rings, they’re subtle for him, and I think that was sort of the thing was to have that.  It was also, for me as an actor, I only have one hand to play with, and I have to keep this [the ring finger] free, but part of Hook is that he has his, sort of pirate regalia on, and that was kind of in keeping with that, if that makes any sense.

Fan:  Hi.  First off, I’d like to say I love you.

Colin:  I love you too.

Fan:  Secondly, do you think your character would be more of a dog person or a cat person?

Colin:  Dog.  I have a dog, and his name is Buckley, and he is named after Jeff Buckley, yes he is, and he is awesome and I love him.  Technically, he kind of is Captain Hook’s.  He comes to set with me, and I know Lana brings Lola and stuff, but. Yeah.  He’s a dog person.

Fan:  Hello.  I was wondering, are there any pranksters on set, or like have you pulled any pranks on your fellow cast mates?

Colin:  Have I pulled any pranks?  No, I’m a consummate professional; I wouldn’t do that.  Josh Dallas…I said this earlier on, but he had a fart machine once in Neverland, so every time you’d walk past a certain plant, of he’d change it every time, you’d just hear [fart noise].  So that was sort of it and…other pranks…I think that’s probably the only prank I can tell you about.  So, yeah. Josh Dallas is a prankster.

Fan:  First I wanted to say you’re my favorite actor and I love you so much and I’m so glad I got to meet you.  So my question is, everyone really loves Hook and his outfit, but what do you like more about the outfit, the guyliner or the leather pants?

Colin:  What do you like more?

Fan:  I like them both equally.

Colin:  I like the eyeliner.  I do like the leather pants too, though.  [Crowd talks.]  Okay, I’m being told that I like the leather pants most, so I like the leather pants most.

Fan:  What was your favorite scene that you shot with Josh?

Colin:  With Josh?  My favorite scene with Josh was the scene… I’m gonna take it that everybody’s caught up with the end of last season.  It’s the scene in the jail where he attacks King George, and I just thought it was a really incredible performance on Josh’s part.  And we got to, sort of, play, it’s rare enough on the show that we have just two person scenes, and you’ve gotta just let go and trust each other, and I think that was one of those scenes where we were able to do that, where we’re not being interrupted by monsters coming into Storybrooke, so I think that was probably my favorite scene.

Fan:  Hi!  Okay, so my question is, how does the hook, like. go over your hand, because obviously you have both hands.  So I’m very confused on how you, like…

Colin: I take this one off [gestures to left hand].  I have…let me see your hook [the girl asking the question was dressed as Hook] It’s probably pretty similar to this.  Yeah, they're pretty much the same.  I just have…are you okay?  Are you nervous? (Gives her a hug)  It’s pretty much the same.  These two fingers (pointer and middle fingers) have a little, there’s like a little T-bar that I hold onto, and that’s kind of what I do, so.

Fan:  Thank you.

Colin:  You’re welcome.  I’m sorry if I really embarrassed you.  I feel bad now.

Fan:  Can you sing your favorite line from A Happy Beginning?

Colin:  (singing) But one thing is for sure, love. With you, I have everything.  (end singing) Thank you.  That’s…gonna be on the Internet as well.

Fan:  I just wanna say I love you so much.  

Colin: I’m gonna have to give you a hug too.  I’m probably gonna get in trouble for hugging all these people.  (Hugs girl)  Don’t cry.  Okay, let me just say, I’m giving everybody a hug in my head now, okay.  

Fan:  What was your reaction when you found out you were playing Hook?

Colin:  I was amazed that they cast me, to be honest.  I really didn’t think that I would be playing Captain Hook, because I’d only ever…in my head, I still saw…and I still kind of do…see Captain Hook as the Peter Pan, sort of Disney buffoon that he is. I mean, that’s not to say that I’m not an absolute buffoon, which I am, but I just didn’t think that they’d go for it, and I’m very, very grateful and thankful to have been a part of this show for five seasons now, nearly going into, I think it’s my sixth season on the show now.  I never thought that that would be the case, because I just came on as a guest star. It’s kind of wild to be here in front of all you guys and see the reaction that you guys have to the show, and I said in the panel in the meet and greet earlier on that you kind of forget that the show takes a life of its own after we’re finished acting and stuff like that.  And you kind of forget that there’s a community of people who sort of have friendships and all that kind of stuff based on the show, and that’s pretty spectacular to be a part of.

Fan:  And my friend, Sarah, she couldn’t make it today, but she wanted me to tell you hi for her.

Colin:  Well tell her I said hello back.  And I would like to say before I answer another question.  I would like to say a massive thank you to all of you guys for supporting the show and for being such incredible fans. You know, like, we really wouldn’t have a show without you guys.  And it’s a testament to all of you that we’re still on the air, season 7.  I mean it’s a pretty spectacular thing, so thank you

Fan:  So this season your character goes on this realm jumping adventure with lots of different characters.  What was your favorite part of that storyline?

Colin:  Um…the wedding.  The musical episode, the wedding.  I just think for the two, because of where the characters started, to where they ended up, was such a monumental thing that they actually managed to get married.  You know, because they worked hard at it over the seasons.  Honestly Hook has a pretty awful past.  He’s done some really terrible things, which most of them have, to be honest, and I just that was such a huge thing that they were able to overcome all of those and finally just sort of cement their love for each other, which I thought was a pretty special thing, you know.  So yeah, that’s probably it.  And you know, we got to do a musical, which was fun.

Fan:  What was your favorite day on set?

Colin: It was my first day on the show.  My very first day on set was on an actual pirate ship.  I acted with Robert Carlyle, who’s one of my favorite actors of all time, and then I was wearing eyeliner.  I was dressed in all black leather, and it doesn’t get much better than that.  Yeah, probably that time.

Fan:  So, my question is, what was your reaction to the day you found out Hook killed Charming’s dad?

Colin:  I was a bit shocked, to be honest, but I liked it.  I don’t say that like I’m condoning it.  I’m not condoning it, but I like it for…because what it did was show how much he changed, as a character, you know what I mean? I personally wouldn’t want Captain Hook marrying my daughter, but I thought that was sort of, because just to give people a reminder of what exactly he was like.  So you could see how far he’d come.  I think that was sort of the point of, you know, and he felt bad about it, I think.  Yeah, probably that.

Fan:  Hi!  I’m giving you a hug in my head too.  Who was your favorite Hook to play?  Lieutenant Hook, evil pirate Hook, the old Hook in the Wish Realm, the Dark Hook, father figure to Henry, or Emma’s Hook.

Colin:  Old, fat Hook.  I absolutely loved that.  I was really, really disappointed that I didn’t get to keep playing him for more than just one scene.

Fan [in crowd]:  Season 7!

Colin:  Season 7, maybe!  The whole season.  The whole season, will be old Hook stumbling around. What I liked about Old Hook was that in his head, he thought that he was the man, you know what I mean?  And that was sort of the best thing about him, that he was completely oblivious to the fact he had food stains on his clothes. Anyway, he was my favorite.  Second, well , it’s a difficult thing because, I love pirate Hook, swashbuckling and kind of, I really, really enjoyed doing the Dark One as well when I was Dark Hook.  I think it was fun.  But I’m lucky.  I’ve been lucky with Hook.  I get to play lots of different versions of him and so many different ways to play it.

Fan:  My question is, outside of acting, what do you want to be remembered for?

Colin:  Being a good father and husband, I think.  Yeah, that’s pretty much it, I think.

Fan:  Is there a specific event or person from your childhood that has greatly influenced your acting?

Colin:  My grandmother.  My grandmother went to London and went to the Guildhall school to learn speech and drama at a time when it wasn’t really common for women to go to London if they’re from Ireland, you know what I mean, for education.  And she was a speech and drama teacher.  Her love of theater, love of words, I guess, probably influenced me most.

Fan:  Hi Colin, I have to start out by saying I love you too.  I know you’re fabulously musically talented, you used to be part of a band.  Everyone also knows how fabulous your vocals are here.  What other musical instruments do you play or would want to play?

Colin: I can play the mandolin and the ukulele.  I can kind of fiddle a banjo.  I’ll give a bash to most stringed instruments, and make a bit of a balls of whatever, but I’ll try most.  Yeah. Mandolin, I can play pretty well and ukulele.

Fan: Hi.

Colin:  Hi.  It’s so weird, I turn around, and I don’t see people walking up to the microphones, I just turn and the people are like this.

Fan:  What is one of the funniest thing that has happened to you on set.

Colin:  I got asked this at the meet and greet earlier on and I have to phrase it properly.  I mean you’ve all seen it in the bloopers, but probably when Bobby landed in a very…precious area.  That was pretty funny.  Even I thought it was funny.  It was painful; it was very painful, but it was funny, because he was completely oblivious that he was there for longer than, like, twenty seconds.  Yeah.  Probably that.  I guess that says a lot about me if I think that was funny.  That’s weird.

Fan:  We were wondering how long it took you to learn to speak like a pirate.

Colin:  Speaking like a pirate?  I actually, it is something that I did when I got cast as Hook. Originally I had spoken to Eddy and Adam about him being Irish, so I’d sound like this, which, I don’t know if people would have gone for or not.  I think traditionally Hook was English, so they were like, well we want him to be, sort of, British.  I said how about we don’t tie down his accent, so I started working on what he sounds like, so, I mean, his voice is deeper than mine.  So, when I sound like Hook, I sound like this [uses Hook voice].  So it’s kind of posh, but kind of not at the same time, because sometimes I drift into this and sound totally different, and whatever.   And that’s sort of it, so, I mean people think a pirate accent, they sort of think of an Irish accent, you know what I mean?  So, I guess I speak like a pirate naturally, probably.

Fan:  Who’s your favorite actor or actress to do scenes with?

Colin:  Um…you’re gonna get me in trouble.  Uh…to be honest with you, I’ve been lucky, because I get to work with everybody on the show.  You know, sometimes people are tied in more so to the character than others. Of late, you know, sort of obviously, Jen and I have been, we get a lot together, and so, and we have a great time working together.  I’m very comfortable with Bobby.  I’m very comfortable with Lana.  We’re lucky as a cast that we all sort of bounce off each other, so I wouldn’t be able to, and everybody’s going to go “oh he’s not…he’s doing this just to be diplomatic”, but I’m really not trying to be diplomatic, but I wouldn’t be able to single out one single person, because everybody brings something else. You know I used to love working with Sean, when I had the chance to do it.  We just have such a laugh.  Liam, he played King Arthur, great time on set, and so, you know, I’ve just been lucky to work with everybody.  It’s great.

Fan:   We were wondering what your favorite costume was that you wore on the show.

Colin:  I like my pirate costume.  I like my big pirate leather jacket.  That’s probably my favorite, I think.  I just think it’s such a great pirate costume, it really is we didn’t know if it was going to work or not, because people had such preconceived notions of what Captain Hook should look like.  I remember the first day I went in to do the hair and makeup test, they actually had a mustache that twirled, and I…I just said no.  And they were like, well, we just had it just in case.  It’s just…then it becomes…then I have to play Hook as the Hook that people know and I don’t get to put my own, sort of, stamp on it, you know, but yeah, the old pirate costume.  I stand a different way as well, because the jacket’s so bloody heavy. That’s why, honestly, you’ll see me, every time I’m standing, I’m standing like this [leans to one side].  And that’s because the jacket’s so bloody heavy I can’t stand up for more than like three minutes.

Fan:  Hi!  Did you need to take lessons to learn how to sword fight, or did it come naturally to you?

Colin:  Came naturally.  I’m just sort of gifted.  Gifted with a sword.  I trained as an actor in a drama school.  We used to do, we did some sword fighting, as part of our stage combat, and basically what happens is that a sword fight on TV and stuff is basically a dance, it’s a choreographed thing, so you have to learn what to do (he does some flourishes with his hand).

Fan:  Hi Colin.  Since you like your guyliner so much, do you ever wear it outside of the set?

Colin:  I wear it all the time.  Actually, I’m kind of not joking, because I wear so much bloody eyeliner I can’t get it off.  And I have genuinely forgotten…there’ll be times when I have to leave set, let’s say to go get the groceries on the way home, and I have to get to the shop before it closes and I don’t have time to take my makeup off and I forget.  I forget that I’m standing there, in a queue with full eye makeup on.  So I guess yes is the answer.

Fan:  If you weren’t an actor, what job would you like to have?

Colin:  I think I’d like to be a musician or an artist. Maybe some kind of painter, or something, I think.

Fan [from crowd]:  Paint me something!

Colin: Paint you something? Like right now?  Uh…I don’t have a canvas.  Sorry.

Fan:  So Hook’s character has really grown and changed since the beginning of the show.  How difficult has that been to portray, and do you think he’s finally changed into the man he’s meant to be, or will he  revert backwards?

Colin:  Playing Hook, I’ve been lucky, playing Hook has just been a laugh the whole time, you know what I mean?  I’ve just been so lucky to get to play this, I mean, hugely layered character.  When I came onto the show, I never expected that he would be as layered as he is. So, I’ve been blessed to be able to do that, and hopefully I’ll get to continue doing it for a little bit longer, and it’s fun. It’s fun to get to play so many different  versions of one character, because sometimes on TV shows, you can be tied into a specific way the character has to be and sort of exist in the world, whereas Hook…all bets are off.  We’ve seen so many different versions of him.  I’ve been blessed.  Maybe you guys have been tortured having to watch all those different version, but I hope not.

Crowd: No!

Colin:  That was me just trying to get you to say that.

Fan:  Hi.  What things do you have in common with Hook?

Colin:  I look like him, and that’s probably about it, I would think.  He’s a very complicated man.  I guess I probably have more in common with Emma’s Hook, as somebody called him last week, than with pirate Hook.  You know, someone who’s sort of devoted to their relationship and making things work and stuff like that.  Yeah, I don’t really have a huge amount in common with him other than looking like him.

Fan:  What do you think your character will face in season 7?

Colin: [chuckles]  I know what you’re doing.  I know what you’re doing.  Uh….things. Things and stuff.

Fan:  Before I get to my question, my best friend said to give you a hug, because if it hadn’t been for Once and you, we wouldn’t have anything  to talk about when we first met.  

Colin:  Alright, this is the last hug.  Come on.  [Hugs fan]

Fan: And my question is, if you were to talk to your kids when they’re older, or a niece and nephew or someone younger in your life and give them life advice, what life advice would you give them?

Colin:  Oh god.  Be honest, always be honest, because if you’re honest about who you are, I think that even if you make mistakes and stuff, you’ll be true to yourself, and you’ll be a better person for it.  And believe in yourself.  I don’t think enough people believe in themselves no matter what, you know what I mean, I think.  As somebody who was very shy, and that, a lot of times didn’t believe in theirselves, somebody else sort of, tells you to keep going, you know, which was the case with me as an actor even.  I think believe in yourself is sort of a big goal that people should have, because, you know, everybody has something to offer.  You know, it doesn’t matter who you are, how small or how big, everybody has something to offer, contribute to society, so I think that’s the most important thing.  Thank you. Life coaching, with Colin O’Donoghue.

Fan:  If there was a fight between Jack Sparrow and…

Colin:  Don’t ask.  Don’t even ask.  I mean, Captain Hook.  That is a silly question.  That is a silly question, and I know you know the answer.

Fan:  I’d say Hook.

Colin:  You’d say Hook?

Fan:  Yeah

Colin:  You know it’s Hook.

Fan:  Hi Colin!  So I just wanna say that you’re basically my favorite human being on earth.  I mean it’s a high honor.

Colin:  That’s a lot of pressure too.

Fan:  You do a great job at it.

Colin:  Thanks.

Fan:  I just want to ask, Killian’s been on such a great journey from a villain to a hero.  What do you think is the defining moment of that journey?

Colin: The defining moment of that journey was him, I think, him sacrificing himself to save everybody when he got Emma to kill him as the Dark One, even though, look, I know he was about to kill everybody. That’s beside the point.  I know it’s his fault, but I think the fact that he eventually sacrificed himself for that was the ultimate moment, the moment where you saw probably the most selfish man on the planet who’d lived solely to get, you know, sort of revenge on Rumplestiltskin, and was so incredibly selfish in everything he did.  You saw that moment where he let all of that go and decided that he wanted to be a hero, and I think that was a defining moment.  

He changed for her because he loves her, and he didn’t want to lose her, and he wanted to do whatever he can to be a better person so that he can be a good partner and husband for her. And, yeah, so, I mean Emma was instrumental  in it. She was the driving force behind it all, I think.

Fan:  Thanks.  You’re adorable.

Colin:  Thank you.

Fan:  Hi Colin.  I just wanted to say, I’m so happy to meet you, and I have a passion for acting, so I was wondering what inspired you to be an actor, and if you could choose any TV show to be in, what would it be?

Colin:  Once Upon a Time.  If I couldn’t, if it wasn’t Once Upon a Time, is what you’re asking?

Fan:  Yes

Colin:  I would have liked to have been on Hannibal.  Ray Donovan’s really good, as well.  Yeah, probably those.  What inspired me to be an actor is I fell into, I did youth theater when I was a teenager.  I had friends, and I kind of drifted into it.  It gave me an opportunity to realize that I could pretend to be somebody I’m not and sort of come out of my shell a little bit by doing that.  And then I realized that I loved it most of all, and people didn’t mind watching me doing it, so, you know, I sort of wanted to study it then.  After that I realized the craft and what you have to do in, you know, creating a character. I like being able to create a character. I like making people cry.  So thanks very much.  People are crying just listening to my answers here.  I like…I’ll tell you what it is, when I did my first play, I liked the fact that people in the same room as you can be transported to a completely different world and believe that it’s real for the two hours that they’re watching something.  And I always think if you can do that as an actor, I know we’re not writing, unless you’ve written the play or the film or whatever,  you’re not writing or creating the words that come out, but if you can do that with a performance and transport people out of their own lives, and let them forget about things, which is what I think our job is, is to sort of take people out of the real world for whatever length of time and let them just exist in a completely different place.  I think that’s a pretty powerful thing.  It’s the same with music, I think, when you go see a live band.  You get transported by the music.  I think that’s the whole point of going to see things live and stuff like that, is just to be a part of something that’s a one off, special event, where you can just forget about, leave everything at the door, and sort of go off and have a good time.

--A fan asked Colin if he can speak any other languages.  He said he used to be able to kind of speak French.  He said: Je m’appelle Colin O’Donoghue (My name is Colin O’Donoghue).  A fan from the crowd said je t’aime (I love you).  Colin said they’re taught Irish in school, but he never really took to it. His wife is fluent, but he’s only retained bits and pieces.  He said “My name is Colin O’Donoghue” in Irish (which I’m not even going to try to track down!)

Notes:  That’s as far as I got with my recordings.  I think that covers nearly everything, but if anyone has any further videos to cover things I’ve missed, feel free to send them my way.

[jungkookienoona]

The Meme and His Tutor

Part 2: The First Skype Call

Recommended Song: Fun Boys by BTS

|All Chapters|

Summary:

Let the awkwardness begin!

Genre: Fluff, comedy

Pairing: Jungkook X Reader (Y/N)

Warnings: Swearing

Word Count: 2358

Length: 2/?

You hadn’t been expecting to get a friend request on Skype, especially from the username GDNo1Fan97. But out of curiosity, you accepted it. Nor did you expect them to video call you as soon as you clicked ‘accept’. Once again out of curiosity you accepted, you wanted to know who had sent the request. Which is why when Jungkook saw you for the first time over Skype, your hair was wet and messy and you were in your fluffiest onesie. That happened to be a panda.

“HOLY SHIT!” You shouted before exiting the call.

It was Jeon Jungkook. THE Jeon Jungkook actually Skyped you. It really happened. And you had looked horrible. He called you back almost immediately.

“Soensaeng-nim! Know that already,” He said with a cheeky grin.

“Uhh…”

“Namjoon-hyung!” Jungkook shouted before turning to look at someone off camera. What followed was Jungkook spewing out a stream of Korean that led to him getting hit with a notebook.

“Jungkook-dongsaeng, gwenchanha?”

He tilted his head like a confused puppy, “Dongsaeng? Neoreul noona?” he inquired.

“Ye”

He smiled brightly at her confirmation, “Noona~” He sang. Namjoon hit him again saying something in a disapproving tone.

"Sorry about Kook. He gets excited when he finds out a woman is older than him." Namjoon explained as he moved his seat into shot of the camera so he could be seen. He took off his hat and ran his hand through his hair, then put it back on.

You blushed and tug at the hood of your onesie by habit. Who could blame you for being a little nervous? You swore at the man who was the background and wallpaper on every device you own. And then he had acted like an excitable puppy because you're older than him. As if he knows you're thinking about him, he appears again beside Namjoon who had been asking if you were OK while lost in thought.

"Uh, I'm fine. Just overwhelmed."

Namjoon looked at Jungkook while saying something that has Kook scratching the back of his neck and looking rather awkward.

"What did you say to him?"

"Just told him he should have at least messaged you first before video calling"

"Mianhae Noona-seonsaengnim"

"Can you tell him it's okay?" You say, pushing the hood off your head and smoothing down your hair.

Namjoon does so and Jungkook gives you a thumbs up, smiling so widely you feel yourself mirror his expression. You clear your throat, trying to get yourself into a more professional mentality.

"So do I have to start from basics, does he know the alphabet? I know he already knows pardon-"

"PARDON!" He looked impressed with himself for understanding what you had said.

You laughed at Jungkook's excited outburst.

"He knows the alphabet. Knows how to pronounce written words but has no idea what they mean."

"So it's word association we need to start on then, flashcards and the like."

Namjoon nodded in confirmation, "We won't do much today just because I figured we could get to know each other first. Is that okay?"

You smile brightly, more than grateful considering how out of the blue the situation was.

"That's perfect! I'll need time to gather resources and activities-"

"I'll set up a shared folder on Google. We can use that instead of the chat so nothing gets lost."

"It might be difficult, my Korean is very limited."

"That's why I'm here. I am translator and your teacher."

Jungkook did that thing he does when he's jealous, tongue in cheek. He started talking, you could only understand a few words here and there but his tone showed his agitation about being left out the conversation. You watched helplessly as Namjoon gestured between the camera and himself and Jungkook. The younger nodded along, expression relaxing once Namjoon has explained the situation. He said something back to Namjoon who turned to look back at the camera as Jungkook watched expectantly, leaning forward in his seat.

"Jungkook wants to know more about you. So why don't you tell us a little about you"

You felt yourself blush as you were put on the spot.

"Um well I'm one of seven kids-"

"ONE OF SEVEN?!" Namjoon turned and told Jungkook.

"Jinjja?!" He looked at you amazed, "Deo malhaejwo! (Tell me more)"

You giggled at his wide eyes.

"I'm currently at college studying creative writing but I want to move to Korea and teach English."

Upon hearing his country, Jungkook clung to Namjoon’s arm, waiting to know what you said.

He beamed at you once told, "Cool! Noona is smart!"

Your blush deepened at his compliment, you were never really good at taking them so you tended to ignore them.

"My hobbies are reading, writing, drawing, video editing and... singing"

You shyly looked down. Namjoon was quick to relay what you said and you heard Jungkook's happy clapping causing you to look up again. A giant smile had plastered itself across his face.

"Me too!" He said, "Video- Youtube-"

He looked to Namjoon for help.

"Kookie has been into video editing too recently."

You smile back at him, hoping you didn't look like an idiot from how often you had been doing so. Your cheeks were starting to hurt.

"Daebak! I saw his birthday video to Yoongi on twitter. I was really impressed"  

Namjoon was smiling as he told Jungkook what you thought about his video, who bounced up and down in his seat. You never thought he would be so excitable. More than once he had described himself as bad at expressing himself but he seemed to have no problems doing so during the video chat.

"You're in your last year of college?" Namjoon asks.

You smile, "Ye, I'll be off to university in a few months."

"University?" Jungkook pipes up in clear English followed up something else in Korean.

You watch Namjoon chuckle quietly before turning to you, and... Was that a smirk on his face?

"He said you should go to university here, not in England then you could teach him properly"

"Studying over in Korea would be too expensive for me as much as I'd love to. I'd need to buy plane tickets, pay tuition fees, sort out living arrangement, buy a visa. And if I get a visa it would have to be a study one which means I wouldn't be able to work. I'd have to live off my savings."

Namjoon frowned then told Jungkook who looked disheartened.

"Mianhaeyo." Jungkook apologises and you offer a small smile.

"Kamsahamnida."

Namjoon looked between the two of you, the small smile playing on his lips disappearing as he looked at something past the computer screen. You hear another voice and looked to Jungkook who was scowling at something or someone off camera.

"Sorry, y/n. I didn't think we'd be interrupted."

"What is it? What's happening?" You asked, feeling concern bubbling away in your gut at seeing the younger of the two's scowl.

"Some of the members are here."

Suddenly there's a hand filling the screen. You notice the rings.

"Jimin-oppa?"

The hand disappears only to be replaced by a shock of pink hair as Jimin looked at you from upside down and smiled.

"Oh, yeppeoyo!"

You hear a smack and Jimin moves to reveal Jungkook, brows knitted, hand still raised.

"Yah!"

You laugh at their antics.

"YAH!" Jungkook shouted again then continued to mutter something under his breath, arms crossed and pouting like a child. What he muttered had the others laughing.

"What did he say?"

"Swears are for a future lesson y/n." Namjoon said, waving a hand dismissively at the two of them.

You see Jimin appear behind them, crouching behind their two chairs.

"Is he staying?" You wondered and Namjoon said something to Jimin who was being shoved by Jungkook.

"Go, go!" Jungkook shooed him.

Jimin smirked but waves goodbye. "Annyeong, y/n!"

"Annyeong Jimin-oppa" you said, waving back.

"Noona... Noona. Noona~!" Jungkook's voice making you look his direction.

Yep. Still looked like a grumpy child. You found it kinda endearing.

"Well someone is attention seeking"

"In his defence, he was the one that got your skypeID in the first place."

You turned your attention to Jungkook, thinking of something you could ask that he might understand.

"W-what did you do today?" You see his brow furrow, but Namjoon’s lips were sealed.

"Uh, dance practice?"

It's worded like a question and you feel your lips quirk into a smile when he started to dance the chorus to Blood, Sweat and Tears. But that smile was gone when he does the final part of the chorus choreo, in which he grabs his crotch. Your face was burning in... embarrassment?... as Namjoon laughs at your reaction. Jungkook appeared to be smirking behind him. You wondered how red your face had gone but didn't have to wonder long as Skype dinged to inform you that you had received a message. A screenshot of your tomato red face.

"What the fuck?" You yelled before quickly covering your face with your hands.

Ding! Another screenshot: eyes wide, mouth hanging open. Namjoon was laughing, hunched over in his chair and clutching his stomach. You narrowed your eyes at Jungkook who was grinning back, chin resting on his fist. He looked innocent. Too innocent. You remembered that you could turn off your camera, so that's what you did. They couldn't screenshot you if they couldn't see you. You laughed at their confusion when their screen went blank, you took the opportunity to screenshot them as well. But as you were about to send it back you heard Jungkook speaking. The pacing of his words making his panic clear. Your skype dinged again.

The message said "Turn your camera back on, Jungkook is worried"

"Will you screenshot me?" You typed back.

Three little dots appeared for a brief second before bursting and a smile sad face stared back at you.

"No, Noona!"

You clicked the camera button, revealing yourself again. You screamed. Why was he so close to the camera?

"He thought it was broken." Namjoon clarified.

You crumpled over in laughter. The shit quality of the WebCam distorting his face. He looked like a bird.

"My god. He looks like a seagull!" You managed to get out between laughs, feeling slightly light headed.

"Ayo, Jeon Sigul introduces the second audition"

It appeared you had accidentally activated his meme mode by mentioning what was originally going to be his stage name. Even Namjoon appeared to be dying of laughter in the corner. Jungkook sat down again and his smirk reappeared.

"Sigul!" He pointed at himself. "Hyung, Sigul!"

Namjoon shook his head before falling off his chair with a small yelp.

"Is he okay?" You ask Jungkook who was looking between you and Namjoon.

"He okay...uh, tears... Hyung cries."

Before you could stop yourself you practically yelled "Aw" at his broken English. Needless to say he looked a little surprised. You flush pink again and resist the urge to pull your hood down over your face.

"Cute." You mumble.

He smiled, "Jimin Hyung right... Noona yeppeoyo!"

"Aniya. Nan an yeppeo suga eopsseo (No. I am not pretty)." You disagreed.

How many times had you blushed already? You had lost count. And in your rush to say he was wrong, you forgot to talk politely.

Jungkook frowned. "Ye"

"Aniya"

"Yeeee"

"Aniyaaaa"

The two of you continued like that until Namjoon interrupted. "HAJIMA! Neoneun eolin-i cheoreom! (Stop it! You're like children!)"

You looked at Jungkook who looked at you. He quirks a brow.

"Mianhaeyo." You say to Namjoon with a slight tilt of your head.

"You two are similar."

"Similar? How are we similar?" Your tone showed that your confusion was genuine. You had never thought of yourself being similar to Jungkook. Though he lived the life you had always wanted as child.

"Just..." Jungkook was frowning as you two speak and Namjoon puts an arm around him as if to say he has nothing to worry about. "You both seem like you have a similar sense of humour."

"I guess we may do, in certain areas." You didn't resist the urge to put your hood up, hiding your face and the small grin that had appeared.

"GWIYOMI! PANDA! PANDA!" Jungkook was once again bouncing in his seat, pointing at the screen. Though, it looked like he was pointing at the camera.

You pulled the hood down further and sunk lower into your chair. "I hate myself."

"No no no. No hide Noona" You peeked up to see Namjoon smiling affectionately at Jungkook, who appeared to have gotten out of his seat to kneel closer to the screen without blocking your view of Namjoon. It was almost like he thought he could look under your hood by doing so.

"Hi," you whispered. His eyes softened, lips spreading to reveal his straight front teeth.

"Hi Noona, no hide." He said again.

You see Namjoon check his phone for something and he looked back to you with a frown.

"We're going to have to go. Isn't it late there?"

"Uh yeah. When you called I was getting ready for bed actually..."

"Ah, so we kept you up then? Sorry about that. We should arrange a more suitable time for you"

You nodded saying "I can do 9pm KST on Fridays"

Namjoon quickly relayed the conversation to Jungkook who at first looked guilty but then was enthusiastically nodding.

"He agrees that that is a good time for us too"

"I guess I'll see you next week?" You say sadly.

You can't help but want to keep talking even if it means breaking into laughter every five minutes and blushing like an idiot.

"I'll make sure to let Bang PD-nim know. Bye y/n!"

"Annyeong Noona!"

"Annyeong Namjoon-oppa, annyeong Jungkookie-dongsaeng"

Jungkook practically beamed at you for the sudden use of a nickname.

"Goodnight!" He managed to yell before the camera was shut off.

You closed Skype and stared at your laptop wallpaper; a photo of Jungkook, hair dripping with water which soaked through his white shirt and stuck his leather trousers to his thighs.

"What the fuck was that?" You whispered to yourself.

AN: Edited. @tragicshadows you can reblog now

[jomiconsparackosholi]

Hi I love your stories there just awesome I was wondering if you can make one where Conor just found a girl off YouTube that covers his songs and he becomes a mentor for her but ends up falling in love with her during the process. Please and thanks

“Oh my god, are you watching Y/N again?”

Conor just waved his brother away as he turned his attention back to the YouTube video playing on his laptop.

“Seriously? Just dm her on Twitter already. This is frustrating, just watching you!”

Conor was about to simply dismiss Jack again when he paused. It actually wasn’t a bad idea. He could ask to collaborate or offer to help you out with recording. Turning to Jack, he nodded, before actually sending him away. If Conor was going to message you, he needed space to do so - messaging a beautiful, talented and down to earth girl wasn’t as easy as saying hey.

“Actually, it is.”

“Seriously, Jack?”

“Okay,” Jack smirked, hands up in mock defence. “Leaving now.”

Conor again realised that Jack had a point. So he began to compose a message to send to your Twitter and it simply began with a ‘hey’.

Really though, Conor shouldn’t have worried. He could have sent a string of rude words and you still would have been excited. Conor Maynard had been the one to inspire you to start uploading your covers in the first place. He was undoubtedly talented and for him to offer to help you record a couple of songs and collab, well, it made you giddy.

Before you knew it, you were on your way round to Conor’s apartment. You had your guitar cased slung on your back and your ukulele in hand. Usually, you were one to simply film your covers and songs live for YouTube, so it was exciting times.

“Hey!” a guy holding a camera opened the door. “Oh, sorry, Y/N right? Just let me turn my vlogging camera off, I thought you were Josh.”

You just smiled and shrugged, “You can keep it in your vlog if you want.”

“I’m Jack, Conor’s just coming down.”

“Hey Y/N!” Conor said from down the hallway.

“Hi,” you called out as you followed Jack into the flat.

He smiled as he showed you to where Conor was waiting, ready with glasses of water and what looked like some crisps.

“Not even joking, those crisps are my go to snack!” you exclaimed with a grin.

Conor laughed and led you up to his bedroom, where he, very specifically mentioned, his recording equipment was all set up. You sat down on the edge of his bed as you both began to simply chat in attempt to get to know each other a bit better. You were just how Conor imagined. He thought that your videos were a true testament to your character, because now more than ever, he thought you were beautiful, talented and very down to earth. Similarly, Conor was funnier and more charismatic than you could see from his videos. You loved it, spending time with him really made you happy and it had barely been more than an hour.

Eventually, you finished recording one of your recently written originals with Conor’s help. It came out exactly how you wanted and you were so thankful that Conor had helped you out. You were both packing up now, it being close to 7 in the evening. He had suggested that you both work together over the next couple of days, giving you more time to get everything done. Conor would never admit how flushed and happy he was when you agreed (you wanted to spend time with him!).

“Hey, Conor?” you asked as you shut the clasp on your guitar case.

“Mm?”

“Do you have any plans for dinner?”

Conor looked up from where he was winding up the cord to his amp. He quickly shook his head.

“Do you want to go grab something to eat then?”

Conor just continued to stare at you for a second, making you start to reconsider your question.

“Uh, um, we don’t have to…”

“No!” he exclaimed before running a hand through his hair. “I mean, yes, let’s go get something to eat.”

He gave you a somewhat uncharacteristic shy smile. You grinned.

“I could really do dinner right now,” you started the conversation up again as he lead you down to the front door. “Maybe that restaurant a couple blocks away?”

Conor could not stop smiling. He was glad he was in front of you so you couldn’t see how smiley he was. He was on his way to dinner with the most beautiful, talented and down to earth girl.

—Lol sorry about how long the wait was. I was just scrolling through my inbox when I found this request. A lot of the time I find requests hard to write because I don’t have any ideas for them but after some time, that changes. Xx

#jomiconsparackosholi

[computerguideworld-blog]

5 Real Computer Hacks You Didn't Realize Were Possible

New Post has been published on https://computerguideto.com/must-see/5-real-computer-hacks-you-didnt-realize-were-possible/

5 Real Computer Hacks You Didn't Realize Were Possible

If Hollywood is to be believed, every single thing around you can be hacked. Is your home heated with natural gas? All a hacker needs is a Die Hard movie and a computer to blow that shit up like a volcanic eruption. Do you use a smartphone? Uh oh — a sufficiently skilled hacker can detonate that thing like a hand grenade.

We all like to point and laugh at the ridiculousness of Hollywood computer crime, but here’s the thing: With everything around you, from guns to doctors to airplanes, growing ever more connected in what nerd-types call “the internet of things,” Hollywood’s “everything is hackable” trope is becoming less dumb every day. For instance …

5

Electronic Billboards Can Be Easily Hacked (To Play Porn)

via Tech Crunch

Electronic billboards, aka the bane of every poor bastard unlucky enough to work a shift that requires driving home after sunset, are gradually spreading to every intersection in America. Normally the image they’re searing into your retinas is informing you where to buy a new Ford or how many appetizers you can get at T.G.I. Friday’s for $10, but one spring Saturday in 2015 at an upscale neighborhood in Atlanta, commuters and diners at a pizza joint were instead treated to the presumably unappetizing image of a giant splayed asshole.

via IBTimes “Gr- Grandpa?”

A concerned driver called 911 to report the “totally disgusting” image, and the FBI kicked off an immediate investigation, because apparently the FBI’s time is much less valuable than we previously assumed. It turns out all it takes to hack into one of these eye-broiling behemoths is to track down its web interface, type in a password that the sign’s owner probably never changed from the default, and boom! You’re free to put a gigantic floppy anus on display for the world in glorious, larger-than-life LED.

And this isn’t an isolated incident. Back in 2010, downtown Moscow traffic came to a standstill when a giant billboard displayed hardcore porn and drivers found themselves with a sudden shortage of hands for driving. More recently, a public billboard at a bus stop in Sweden displayed a continuous porn feed as a group of men huddled in close to watch (but not too close, because that would be weird). More recently, a hacker known only as Johnny Cockring used the aforementioned default credentials to hack into two Alabama billboards and upload Photoshopped images of then-presidential-hopeful Marco Rubio in hardcore gay porn:

Twitter/Cockring_Johnny Scads of Alabama commuters are still unconsciously humming “Y.M.C.A.”

So, yeah — all you need is a set of default login credentials and an adorable hacker name and you can break into one of these electronic eyesores and really brighten up someone’s evening commute.

4

Remote Surgery Bots Can Be Hacked To Murder You Mid-Operation

University of Washington

It’s a staple of science fiction that future doctoring will be entirely offloaded to robots, because an electronic surgeon probably can’t go on a three-day Kahlua bender just before digging into your sensitive heart meat. And while we’re not at the level of fully robotic doctors yet, we are making great strides in that direction. For instance, surgeons can’t always be where a necessary surgery is needed, but they can tinker with your innards from thousands of miles away via remote-operated robots. The first such procedure took place in 2001 (a fitting year for technological breakthroughs), when a surgeon in New York removed a gall bladder from a patient in Strasbourg, France. That’s some next-level Captain Picard future shit.

iStock/UberImages “What level are you on?” “Digestive tract, but I can’t beat the cancer boss.”

Luckily for that patient, there was no hacker standing by to carve his Xbox Live name into the patient’s liver. But while the dedicated fiber connection used for that surgery would have prevented such shenanigans, it’s since become clear that the internet is a much cheaper means of linkage. And when has relying on the internet ever gone horribly wrong?

Researchers led by Tamara Bonaci at the University of Washington demonstrated that, with some fairly simple remote hijacking hijinks, they could make a Raven II surgical robot’s arms twitch like it hasn’t gotten its digital meth fix. Worse still, they could just as easily take total control of the robot using their knowledge of the Interoperable Telesurgery Protocol … the specs of which are freely available to any random asshat who’d like to brush up on the ins and outs of long-distance slicing and dicing.

SRI International “Med school’s for noobz.”

This means that, rather than your life being in the hands of a doctor with years of training, you could be at the mercy of a misanthropic hacker, a jilted lover seeking revenge on your fun bits, or a bored teenager looking to use your heaving carcass to play Surgeon Simulator minus the “simulator” part.

Bossa Studios “Oopsie! Where’s the restart button?”

As an added bonus, Bonaci’s team discovered that the robot’s video feed was publicly accessible. So the most horrifying prospect of all is that someone could intercept your hemorrhoid surgery, set it to the tune of Selena Gomez’s “Hands To Myself,” and turn it into a viral YouTube sensation (or put it on an electronic billboard).

3

Sound Waves Can Steal Data From Your Computer

Key45/Wiki Commons

Given today’s online environment of Fappenings and commonplace credit card account breaches and entire hospitals being locked out of their own computer systems by ransomware, there are probably those among you who yearn for the olden days, when getting online meant enduring the death howls of your dial-up modem screaming at AOL to allow you to check your ever-loving email. If you happen to be in that camp, we have bad news for you: Even if you stomp your Wi-Fi router into unrecognizable shards of plastic in a vigorous attempt to become a digital recluse, it won’t be enough. Not when every computer comes equipped with the capability to sing your most sensitive information to a nefarious hacker.

Back in 2013, German researchers at the Fraunhofer Institute For Communication, Information Processing, And Ergonomics produced a proof-of-concept malware capable of transmitting data via sound waves outside the normal range of human hearing. Using standard laptop speakers, the researchers were able to transmit sensitive data such as passwords for distances up to 65 feet. That may not sound overly impressive, but this range increases greatly when multiple infected devices are employed to repeat their whispers to one another in an “acoustical mesh network,” like a game of Telephone in which the ultimate payoff is not a hilariously jumbled story but your un-hilariously un-jumbled bank account and Social Security number.

Thierry Dugnolle/Wiki Commons “0 … 4 … 8 … purple monkey dishwasher …”

Then, in 2015, security expert Ang Cui pushed the concept a step further by altogether eliminating the need for speakers and all-too-whimsically dubbing the resulting technology “Funtenna.” By inserting just seven lines of code into the meager brain of an off-the-shelf laser printer, Cui was able to fiddle with its electromechanical components and effectively transform the printer into a radio transmitter.

Though the resulting signal was weak (printers were designed to produce hard copies of school reports and teenage poetry, not output radio signals), it could easily be picked up from outside a building by an AM radio receiver or a geophone — a device readily available on Amazon for use in ghost-hunting, of all things. Of course, the only ghost being hunted in this case is that of Ben Franklin. So an enterprising hacker could theoretically steal every piece of data on your computer using nothing but your on-board speakers, and you wouldn’t even hear it happening.

2

A Sniper Rifle Can Be Aimed And Disabled Via Wi-Fi

Lee Hutchinson/ARS Technica

Becoming a sniper requires rigorous training, tip-top physical fitness, perfect vision, and a brain like a calculator to factor even the most minute environmental variables into every single shot. Of course, if you have an uncontrollable urge to remotely perforate things and quality-used-car amounts of cash burning a hole through your bank account, you could also just buy a computerized sniper rifle from TrackingPoint, because being able to order mile-away murder over the internet is the world in which we now live.

Lee Hutchinson/ARS Technica “I’ll pay double for a nut-shot guarantee.”

Each rifle in TrackingPoint’s Linux-powered lineup comes equipped with a hi-tech scope that weaponizes math for you. Much like an accountant who depends on QuickBooks to do all the actual accounting, these rifles use “the same lock-and-launch technology found in military fighter jets” to “help shooters of any skill level shoot better than the best shooters who ever lived,” according to their website. Because guns were apparently not quite easy enough to use. While that in itself sounds downright liquid-terror-shit-inducing, if you spotted the mention of “Linux-powered” a moment ago you’ve probably already inferred that the real danger comes not from the man holding the gun but from his technologically savvy douchebag of a neighbor.

Lee Hutchinson/ARS Technica Complete with d-bag shades.

Security researchers and happily married couple Runa Sandvik and Michael Auger (because the couple that hacks together stays together) spent a year hacking into a pair of TrackingPoint’s $13,000 self-aiming rifles just to see what they could make them do. And the results are alarming: After compromising the rifle via its Wi-Fi connection (for those wondering why a rifle has Wi-Fi: It’s so you can stream video of your shot to Facebook, which we’re pretty sure is the Seventh Seal), the researchers were able to fiddle with variables such as wind, temperature, and the weight of the ammunition to remotely re-aim the rifle wherever they damn well pleased.

In one demonstration, they caused the rifle to miss an intended target by more than two feet by simply cranking up the ammunition’s weight value. The couple could even remotely disable the rifle’s firing pin, essentially transforming it into the world’s most expensive Metal Gear Solid cosplay accessory. One thing they could not do, thankfully, was actually fire the rifle remotely — there’s a mechanism in place requiring a manual trigger pull in order to make big gun go boom. Because, you know, safety first.

1

A Plane Can Be Hijacked Mid-Flight (With A Laptop)

iStock/kasto80

In the movies, a laptop is like an enchanted fucking talisman. With it, you have the power to make traffic signals succumb to your will. You can heftily inflate your bank account with one forceful flick of the Enter key. You can cause the commercial airliner on which you’re sitting to do a sick-ass loop and head straight back to Syracuse to retrieve your forgotten disco pants.

OK, we may have just reached the pinnacle of faux-hacking absurdity with that last one. There is no possible way you can simply whip out a laptop and remotely commandeer a commercial airliner’s flight controls … unless, that is, you’re (former) cyber-security wizard Chris Roberts. Then you can absolutely do that exact thing.

Fox News You can also grow the shit out of a wizard beard.

After getting enthusiastically booted from a United Airlines flight in April of 2015 for jokingly tweeting his intent to hack the plane and activate its emergency oxygen masks, Roberts’ previous discussions with the FBI regarding his concerns about the rampant hackability of commercial passenger flights came to light. In fact, an FBI search warrant details how Roberts hacked into the in-flight entertainment systems of various airplanes up to 20 times between 2011 and 2014.

If you’re thinking he just wanted to watch Pacific Rim without coughing up his credit card number, think again. You see, on certain plane models, the in-flight entertainment systems were inexplicably connected to the cabin control systems, which in turn were even more inexplicably connected to the plane avionics systems. That’s how, according to the FBI documents, Roberts was once able to issue a climb command to one of the airplane’s engines, “resulting in a lateral or sideways movement of the plane during one of these flights.” That’s right — Roberts, using a laptop from his seat in coach, was able to make the airplane fucking move.

iStock/Lilyana Vynogradova “I’m just trying to rock the crying baby in 14A to sleep.”

For his part, Roberts claimed that he only ever accessed engine controls in flight simulations, not while aboard actual flying jetliners brimming with jet fuel and a hundred other passengers. But then that’s precisely what we’d expect a guy who revved up a jet engine just for laughs to say.

Alex creates biopunk dystopias here and dream thrillers here.

What’s The Best Fictional School To Attend? In the muggle world, we’re not given the opportunity for a magical hat to tell us which school we should go to. Usually we just have to go to the high school closest to where we live or whatever college accepts our SAT scores and personal essay. This month, our goal is to determine what would be the best fictional school to go to. Join Jack, Daniel, and the rest of the Cracked staff, along with comedians Brandie Posey and Steven Wilber, as they figure out if it’s a realistic school like Degrassi or West Beverly High, or an institution from a fantasy world like Hogwarts with its ghosts and dementors, or Bayside High, haunted by a monster known only to humans as Screech. Get your tickets here!

For more ways to tap into the Matrix, check out 5 Hacking Myths Dispelled By A Real Hacker and 6 Real Cyber Attacks Straight Out Of A Bad Hacker Movie.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out If Movie Hackers Were More Like Real IT Guys, and other videos you won’t see on the site!

Also, follow us on Facebook, and let us hack your webcam so we can watch you sleep.

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/