#buy this book: it’s a little known masterpiece

[thequietabsolute]

— Elegies, by Douglas Dunn [1985]

Propriety she had, preferring grace / Because she saw more virtue in its wit, / Convinced right conduct should have glamour in it / Or look good to an educated eye

[blues-valentine]

I am not surprised the Gossip Girl Reboot got cancelled because it was boring and I couldn’t finish season 1. I think the creators thought having that property would be enough for the show to be successful and focused all of their energy on those outfits and soundtracks but did nothing for the show to actually work. My opinion on why the reboot failed to impact audiences that no one asked for:

It’s not like the original GG was a writing masterpiece but it came out at the right time. In 2007, while there were a lot of successful shows, a lot of the teen shows like The OC, One Tree Hill, Gilmore Girls etc were tame in comparation to the format GG was presenting. Aside from the UK (Skins), it was unusual for American TV to exploit sex and drugs on teens the way Gossip Girl did. They turned the negative reviews into promotional banners. That was A+ marketing. They wanted to be problematic. That was their selling point. So in theory, the idea of a group of wealthy teens from NYC doing all sort of awful stuff was appealing. The show wasn’t trying to be apologetic. Yeah, some issues were too much not just Chuck but so many other things but the point stands with the show not wanting to fix it. This with a really good fashion sense — GG really pushed the boundaries on fashion during late 2000’s. It was meant to be a hit ahead of its time. The problem with the reboot is that is not new or original. Euphoria already exists. Teens doing alcohol and sleeping around has been in media for a while and people crave something new. If they wanted to stand out they need so much more than just a known intellectual property but most importantly create characters with personality and sadly, that wasn’t the case.

The characters for the reboot lack distinctive personalities and it was difficult to buy why they were even friends. Like, the group on the OG worked because there was an established dynamic but every character in the new one felt like a parody. The initial conflict was them being mad Julien had a sister. For the OG, the initial conflict worked because at first Serena presented herself as a mystery – as the IT girl that ran away and no one knew why. That increased her mysterious persona and her popularity. She ran away because she slept with Nate (Blair’s boyfriend) and while she was away Blair managed to establish herself as the IT girl. That made the rivalry between Blair and Serena more believable and so Serena's dynamic with Nate. Blair had reasons to feel insecure over Serena because she had the influence and wealth to out power her. They tried to recreate that with Zoya and Julien but failed miserably.

I think every character in the OG group had a very established dynamic and propose. Serena was the mysterious girl that created the rivalry with Blair and also presented herself as a bridge outside of the Upper East Side because of her relationship with Dan. Blair was the "mean girl" — the one ready to create chaos if she feels like she is being displaced from her status. Julien never gave me that energy. Neither did Audrey. None of them were able to go the lengths Blair would go for a little drama. The closest thing to Blair they had was Monet and they didn’t give her enough to shine but that’s also the thing. Teen media keeps trying to recreate their very own version of Blair Waldorf but fails everytime. Every teen show after GG now has their sophisticated "mean girl" that is able to quote books and movies (aka Veronica Lodge or Cheryl Blossom) and it fails every single time. Blair worked because of what Leighton Meester brought to the table but also because Blair was actually really mean and unapologetic about it. She wasn't meant to be taken as a parody with some mean one liners. Her only characteristic wasn’t just being mean, it had realistic layers. And even when I feel she became a bit of a parody the later seasons because the show not longer needed her to be mean, I think she remained charming mostly because of Meester.

Serena worked on early seasons then she became unnecessary and boring. Her character only worked because of Blake Lively's charisma which I feel a lot of the new ones lacked. Then there was Nate. He was like, just there. He wasn’t that problematic until that season they made him date a minor for zero reason. I would assume GGRBs version of Nate was Obie (?) and that was such a boring character. Now, Dan was a good character until they needed to use him as a plot twist because they didn't know who GG was and needed a finale. Dan was the one that was inside the elite but hated it and brought interesting points about their privilege and had not problem in checking them once in a while because he was like the impartial one. Again, they tried to make Zoya the one that wasn’t in their circle but her character was just boring, the actress did good with the material.

And Chuck, he was introduced as a rapist from the get go and didn’t deserve to get as far as it got or even a "redemption". Blair deserved better and I will never go down with the Chuck and Blair train. Blair coming back to him on season 6 after learning her own value and worth outside of Chuck's shadow and toxicity only to make her regret it was character assassination. Chuck should’ve died on Season 4. Now, here's the thing. It was clear Max was supposed to be their unproblematic version of Chuck and it's a shame because Thomas Doherty was giving THE perfomance. I wish him luck in his career. Also, Savannah Smith as Monet did good when given good dialogue and stuff to deliver.

Jenny was an interesting character. It gave the show the outside drama it needed. Georgina was an amazing villain. Even Rufus and Lily served. GGRB had potential but didn't give anything interesting. OG GG embraced being problematic and the reboot tried too hard to be "woke". There's nothing woke about a group of wealthy kids (and not just any money but generational wealth for some of them) that don't need to worry about paying the bills. Maybe if they didn't take themselves so seriously it would've worked a lot better. They should've allowed Monet to be the mean girl she was clearly destined to be. Luna also deserved her own plot not just a sidekick.

Lastly, their biggest problem: GG being the teachers. The teachers story line made me cringe. It was so weird and unrealistic. The thing about GG is that it could be anyone. It was the anonymity that made it fun. GGRB fumble by giving GG a face and an underwhelming one too. In conclusion, while I loved the diversity of the new cast, none of them had the charisma on screen except for one or two on occasions and charisma is what carried the original series until a season 6.

[rosekisspeach]

TAROT READING//Mingkey Sexual Attraction - Ming

Date: 5/Feb/2024 Marker: Transparent Umbrella - SHINee Deck of Cards: Trungles' Star Spinner Tarot (Inclusive, Diverse, LGBTQ Theme); The Romance Angels Oracles; Manara Erotic Oracles

Notes Upfront:

I don't ask my cards questions that I already have answers;

I don't prey on information I should not know;

I respect their personal lives and;

This is for FUN ONLY.

In the following sexual attraction readings, be aware everything is "delulu" and I am just saying what I am seeing. Don't read this if you only see them as platonic friends/co-workers. . . . . .

Action: Knight of Wands R, 6 of Coins R, Hermit, 4 of Swords, Moon, Queen of Wands, Wheel of Fate Consciousness: Romantic Feelings, Getting to know each other, Chemistry, Weeding, Let your friends to help R, Make Effort Subconsciousness: Creative Intimacy, Dreams of Repressed Lust, Lure of Easiest Way, Freedom to be Yourself R, Fire of Desire R

~ some notes: Again, happy lunar new year everyone, and hopefully you enjoyed a great valentine's day. I will summarize ming's in one part because his energy is, as always, straight forward. And after the lunar new year celebration (Feb 17), I will do Jinki's view too.

Group 1: Creative Intimacy

“His body was a canvas. It was painted with pleasures, decorated with guilt, and exalted by giggles. His body was a willing canvas, and your love the brush of a masterpiece.”

Doesn't the image says it all? Gifting bum is ming's unique, and creative (don't you wonder what's in his mind when he thinks about gifting bum?) approach to love kibum. We have reversed knight of wands, reversed 8 of coins, and hermit cards in ming's first group actions. These cards outline how much more ming wants to love bum emotionally, financially, and even physically. Minho is always generous, he saved 6w won in the little prince book to buy bum birthday gift when he was barely feeding himself in debut days, and it is no secret how hard to get luxuries like that croissant bag even as a celebrity...in fact, ming would bring a star back if bum dares him. Like a true knight that vows his loyalty. But he can't. He can't buy something that is eventful, a home, a car, or the wedding ring, when he could afford them easily. Ming is not allowed to love bum the way he deeply desired. Romantically. Sexually. Spiritually. The guilt of hurting bum in the past still haunts him, and ming suffers in loneliness like the hermit holding a light who only hopes one day, one day that he will find a way out of this sweet misery.

The money is saved to buy birthday gift for Key.

.

.

.

Oracle reading of Creative Intimacy:

“Let love create beauty, rather than beauty create love. When the intimacy that came from sincere attraction blossoms, a soul may light up. Warmth and love become a breeze that can shake trees that stood still for an entire life. There will be only light, energies, and bodies. Let love be fun, if it cannot be passionate. Let love be witty, if it cannot be ardent. Let love be tender, if it cannot be overwhelming. Love has many ways. Some are good at the beginning, and more are good farther along the journey. ”

Group 2: Dreams of Repressed Lust

“Winged demons do not sleep, but ominously whisper words of temptation and seduction. They started as dreams and became nightmares. They were desires and turned into terrors I cannot shake away.”

Feelings don't build themselves in one day. How can one's arch enemy turn into their friend, someone trustworthy, loveable, and lust. Lust. Lust. Lust. Ming groans kibum's name when he touches himself, as pleasure building up, sensation burning any rationality left in the shell that is conquered by primitive instincts. It feels so wrong, and so good. The four of swords card and the oracle card in subconsciousness give the exact same energy. Fantasizing kibum in bed...fantasizing himself with kibum in bed is too easy. Ming can always feel kibum because they have known each other and breathed the same air for way too long. They slept together in so many occasions. Ming would know how bum bends his body, spreads his limbs, looks at him with those luring and glassy eyes. He would know what voices bum makes, faces he shows, and lips, lips, bloody lips in red and covered with saliva. Kibum tastes like chocolates that ming wishes for every Christmas. Fucking kibum must feel amazing.

Yet ming can only fantasizes. And they are dreams that's all.

꿈이 아니라고 해줘 너에게로 빠져버린 heart 영혼까지 잠기도록 데려가 줘 너의 waterfall

.

.

.

Oracle reading of Dreams of Repressed Lust:

“I want to fuck. Is that so hard? To say it aloud, in front of other people? In front of parents, sisters and brothers, strangers and colleagues? It is. It is in-deed. Maybe not so hard to admit to oneself, among dreams and fantasies. But to say it aloud? Like our lust is a shameful secret that doesn't belong to us. Like it's wrong. Like it's despicable. And hear this … like it's strange. After a life lived day after day-denying that we are allowed to be healthy humans, exiling our lust into dark dreams or properly approved intimacies … what will remain of us? ”

!! Avoid the group 3's image if you do not believe in 2heart relationship!!

Group 3: Lure of easiest way

“I found a shortcut. If I buy, someone will sell, and if I sell, someone will buy. I am the trade, the negotiator, and the currency as well. Do you desire a bargain?”

Does ming have other options? Yes. He has options. Too many of them actually. People stay for a night, or two, sometimes even longer that ming thinks maybe this time will be different. Yet deeply ming is a helpless romantic and once he decided, the decision is final. He wants to marry kibum. But why does it sounds so impossible? Or the better question is, why the wedding card dropped in both their readings, yet they find it so hard to express their true feelings in front of the other? There is always an "easier" version of the mingkey story - they date whoever come by and support each other as colleagues, friends, even best man that stands beside the beautiful newlyweds in the wedding. Bum will bring handmade dumplings to ming, and ming will comfort whoever complains about bummie not answering their messages. I find it amusing that woo asks ming to tell bum replying his messages in the radio, when, bum doesn't respond to ming that much much either...things change. Ming now joins the competition and it is not going to be easy. He knows it too well. And He is determined to succeed.

Also, hey, it was never just fan service for ming.

결혼해줄래

.

.

.

Oracle reading of Lure of the easiest way:

“Why should one beware of the easy way? It promises everything, and it promises it now, with no price whatsoever. Behind every easy road, however, there is a hidden price. The easy way is a seduction by itself. And it's hard to say no. Especially because it promises to be ... well, to be easy. It may be that the easy way-like any shortcut-carries some form of disharmony. It makes everything a trade, where one can use the other just by allowing the other to use them. Still, it is possible to surrender to seduction. A seduction of power, a seduction of youth, a seduction of empty promises. The challenge is that if someone gets used to the easy way, they will find it much harder to leave the easy way behind.”

Group 4: Freedom to be yourself

“I was made into a mannequin. Molded as a prisoner, I fit the standards of someone else's beauty. I feared death, but I refused it. My dignity was paper thin, and yet it was the canvas of my life.”

We have talked about this in ming's personal reading. He is trapped because it is the normality he held on for too long, and is reluctant to ask help from friends. He doesn't really have too many friends to ask questions on this, especially the only one around him (and practically an expert) is who he has a massive crush on. He can't really ask chanmin hyung or jinki either, and this is why minho deeply misses jjong, who always has an answer for him. But ming is exploring, slowly and surly because we know ming isn't someone just gives up. I am also glad that the Queen of wands shows up because this demonstrations ming's will power to "dig to the end of it."

bum's fav bookshop, huh.

.

.

.

Oracle reading of Freedom to be yourself:

“What can a person live without and still be that person? What is stolen from us may one day be reclaimed. But what we surrender willingly is lost forever. There is only one freedom that we need to truly treasure: the freedom to be ourselves. If we surrender that, our soul will lose the essential spark that can redeem our life and give it meaning. We might dance to an artist's tune of our own free will, but if we are constrained and controlled by another, it is death to the spirit. We cannot be puppets and still be happy.”

Group 5: Fire of Desire R

“I wanted it all. And I wanted it now. I was so young at that time, and I failed to grasp that I was too small to use the word "all." I had first to look at the Universe to understand my real desires. ”

Ming wants it all. The love. The Sex. The hugs, the kisses, the touches, and the pleasure that makes his body shake in euphoria. The urge is fire that burns through his bones and skins and he wants bum to feel just as much. To fuck till their muscles give up and the bedsheet turns into a swap of bodily fluids. He wants bummie. All of it. He also wants bummie to call him his, wants to be perfect for whatever kibum needs him to, to lick over kibum's fingernail and scars and tears just because he could. Ming wants it all and he is going to put all the effort in so he can have it all. It is destined. The upright wheel of fate is a strong sign that no matter how difficult the journey is, ming will overcome and celebrate the beautiful result in the future. And kibum, just like him, surrenders before their sexual attraction.

.

.

.

Oracle reading of The Fire of Desire:

“What you desire defines the road you are walking and where you are going-your ambitions, dreams, drives. These are part of you, and they can burn strongly, becoming a fire that can light the darkness of life. But no matter how strong that fire may be, it can only brighten a little space around you and make the darkness beyond it thicker and more frightening. You need a different kind of light to make the road safe. Without understanding, dreams and ambitions are like childish tantrums. With understanding, they become something that can be truly reached.”

Minho-ah, just go kiss him.

-over-

find me on Twitter @rosekisspeach

[wangsejabin]

Chapter 117

Pan'er was suddenly embarrassed.

   "You are the emperor, how do you know what the chief constable does all day long? Besides, he is supposed to be chasing criminals and arresting thieves, doing a proper job. And what do you mean by a woman thief? She is obviously a woman warrior, robbing the rich to help the poor!"

   "Yes, robbing the rich to help the poor." Zong Cong pretended to be serious, but the smile in his eyes gave him away.

   Seeing that she was about to become angry, he hurriedly said, "You are right, the dog officials here should indeed be killed. I've just had a look at it, and I think the contents of this book are very innovative and different from the ones you've read before, why don't I have someone take it outside the palace and find someone to print it for you?"

   These words instantly turned Pan'er's attention away.

" Can that be done?" Her eyes lit up for a moment.

   "Why not? It's written for people to read, isn't it? Some people write bullshit poems, but they also print them and call them something elegant, and when they come to poetry fairs, they bring them out to fetch fame."

   He had met one or two famous scholars who looked and acted fine, but when he went back and looked through the masterpieces they had presented, he almost spat out his tea.

   Pan'er knew of this, and therefore knew what he meant by his words.

   "But what if someone says it's not good?" Pan'er was a little apprehensive when it came down to it.

   When Zong Zong looked at her, he had only wanted to coax her not to be angry, but now he took it to heart.

   If you can't accept the criticism of others, then you might as well not write it." He thought for a moment and said, "Whether it's good or bad will be known only when others read it.

   Apparently he hadn't really understood the woman's mind, and hearing him say that, Pan'er became a little upset instead.

   "How can you be so persuasive, if you can't say something nice."

   Kind words?

   The emperor had never said anything nice to anyone before, not when he was the crown prince, and even less so now that he was the emperor. But she was the exception to the rule, and he had already broken the rule in her case many times, so there was no reason not to break it a few more times.

   "I also want to prepare you mentally, so that you won't be unhappy when the time comes."

She glanced at him and said, "It's not like I'm writing a masterpiece, so I don't think anyone will criticise it, but at most the booksellers won't accept it or no one will buy it." She had paid attention to these things when she was in Yangzhou, so she naturally knew the trick.

   "How can no one buy it? There are always people who buy it. If you give the stuff to me, I will have someone arrange it." Zong Cong even secretly planned to send someone to buy more if no one really bought them.

   Who knew that Pan'er would say, "You are so busy with government affairs, I don't have the face to bother you with such a trivial matter. Besides, you won't do it yourself, you'll just give it to the people below you. You don't mind, I'll take care of this myself."

Seeing that she was talking in a logical manner, Zong Cong became curious.

   "What are you going to do?"

   "I won't tell you."

Don't look at Pan'er's secrecy, but in fact, Zong Cong knew without using his brain that she was definitely planning to send a eunuch out to pretend to be a fallen scholar, and then find a bookstore to sell the manuscript to a bookseller. Whether the bookshop would accept it or not was another story, but from Zong Cong's point of view, it should not be difficult to sell it.

But since she said she would do it herself, he would leave it alone, and he could always find out how it would turn out after a while.

Seeing that it was getting late, Zong Cong did not intend to leave and stayed at Jingren Palace for the evening meal.

After dinner, he would not rest for a while, so he asked Fulu to go to Qianqing Palace and bring in a pile of his documents, and asked someone to put an extra lamp on the bed table, and leaned on the bed to read the documents.

Pan'er also had nothing to do, so he had someone bring a pen, ink, paper and ink stone and sat down opposite him to continue writing the unfinished manuscript.

   It was a very harmonious situation, with one person on each side.

   As time passed, the night grew darker and darker.

Pan'er felt an itch on her face and didn't take it seriously, just rubbed her hand against it and continued to write. Who knew that something didn't feel right, and when she stretched her hand, she realised that there was a smear of red on the back of her hand.

   The red was on her face.

   She looked up, only to find the man across the room smiling at her with a vermilion pen in his hand, and only then did she feel something wrong with her face, reaching up to wipe it again, and there was another splash of red.

   "What did you do to my face?"

With that, she took her hand and wiped it towards his face, Zong Cong didn't expect her to be so bold and was wiped right in the face, and then both of them froze.

   "Who told you to get me first." She scolded, and hurriedly got off the bed to look for a mirror. Xiang Pu and Fu Lu and the others didn't dare to come in when they saw that they weren't called inside either.

Pan went to the mirror and realised that she had become a big flower face.

On her forehead it was fine, he had painted a plum blossom design on her, so she took it as a flower decoration.

   But on her cheeks?

   There was one side that she hadn't ruined, and it was a turtle!

Pan'er was about to faint with anger, and when she saw him following her, she complained, "You are so grown up, you are the father of many children, why are you still doing this kind of child's play."

   "I think I've painted it quite well." He admired the plum blossom on her forehead and said.

   "Then I will draw one for you later too?"

   "I'm a man, I don't need to put on the flower makeup."

He was the most powerful anyway, and he was justified in saying whatever he wanted.

   Pan'er didn't argue with him, and afterwards, seeing that she couldn't really wipe it clean with a handkerchief, she went to the bathing room.

   In one corner of the bathing room was a shelf with a mirror on it and a copper basin with water in it, the place where Pan'er usually used to clean her face. The water in it was changed by the palace maids after it had been used, so the water was clean.

   She washed her face with the water and finally got it clean.

   She dried her face and saw him standing by with a red line on his face, like a red cat's beard. She held back her laughter, looked at the red water in the basin and said with false affection, "Would Your Majesty like to wash it too? But the water in this basin has been stained by my servant, you wait, I will let someone come in to change the basin."

   If he let someone come in to change the water, he would let others see his improper appearance, where would his face be then?

Zong Cong looked at his own face in the mirror, grabbed her and also said with a straight face, "There is no need to change the water, it is used by my beloved consort anyway, it is not that Consort hasn't bathed with me in the past, I don't mind you, so Consort can use a handkerchief to dab the water for me to wipe it."

It was clear that the situation favoured him, so Pan'er had no choice but to give in.

She chose a clean spot on the handkerchief and dabbed it with water, stood in front of him and wiped his face, and as she did so, she couldn't help but fall into his arms and laugh, i.e. at the way he looked and at what he said about his beloved consort.

   "What are you laughing at?"

   "Nothing, nothing ...... Well ......"

Fulu pricked his ears to listen to the movement inside, and after listening for a while, he finally dropped his heart and stood up straight.

He bumped right into Xiang Pu on the side, he straightened his chest and assumed the stance of a chief eunuch, "What is the little girl listening to, why don't you go now?"

   Xiang Pu wilted and walked away, but couldn't help but look back at Fu Lu indignantly as she went.

   He said I should not listen, but you are also listening to the wall.

   ---

Zong Cong guessed correctly that Pan Er had indeed intended to sell the manuscript at first, to find a eunuch to go out and disguise herself as a down-on-her-luck showman.

   But after yesterday, she had a different idea.

In the vernacular, there are those who take the serious route, printing the four books, five scriptures, classics, histories and collections, or various masterpieces of famous writers, current articles and examinations.

   Another type of book is the lower class, selling all kinds of vernacular novels and countryside stories. There is a common saying that it is better to sell ancient books than to sell current texts, and to print current texts than to print vernacular novels, referring to the wider acceptance of this lower-class route.

   The wide acceptance means that more people buy them, and more people buy them means that there is profit to be made in them, which causes booksellers to flock to the market, and it is not uncommon for books to be sold at low prices in order to capture business.

   Since the prices are low, there are relatively natural disadvantages.

   For example, when Pan'er bought books in Yangzhou during her southern tour, the best ones did not cost more than two taels of silver at most, and the second best ones could be bought for a few dozen. She usually bought the best ones, because although they were cheap, the paper quality was poor and the engraving was extremely crude, so the writing was blurred and the ink might get all over her hands, making it impossible to read.

   But even the most expensive ones were rough for her to look at. If she really intended to have her manuscript printed, how could she accept it being made to look like this, so she planned to have someone go out of the palace to buy a bookshop.

   This would give her manuscripts a place to go, and even if she couldn't sell them, she would be happy to see them printed in a more beautiful way.

The bookshop could continue to do its business without any delay, and it could be considered as a small shop for Wan Yin to earn some silver for her rouge and powder.

   Pan'er left this to Feng Hai.

Now that Feng Hai has become a jack-of-all-trades, Pan'er began to feel that the people around her were not quite enough, but this kind of thing cannot be rushed and can only be done slowly.

On the other hand, although Zong Cong did not mention the dismissal of the respectful service room, the people in the respectful service room did not dare to come to Qianqing Palace anymore, and they were even more peaceful than before when the emperor had just fallen ill.

   Empress Chen was relieved to see that the matter was settled, although the result was not as satisfactory as she would have liked, and that she was finally free to do what she wanted most.

[lowellhq]

As part of our Family Week 2022 event happening in game, this post details some special happenings around the town of Portsmith where Lowell Academy is based! Being that the mayor has a son at the school, there are some special offerings and tie-ins.

Community

A week long commitment expo will be held at the town's biggest convention center just five miles from Lowell. It will host vendors from catering, floral shops, bakeries, fine clothing & retail, tailoring, and several high end jewelers. Family Week has been known to spur quite a few sudden claims so this event is wildly popular and usually sells out.

The Community Center is hosting talks on communication skills and is hosting Emotions Researchers who have developed a seven day program for stronger intimacy and better relationships.

The Portsmith Museum is doing a Heritage Exhibit of all the important families and their histories with the town of Portsmith. Many Charter families are featured in this exhibit because of the impact their education and residence had on the growth of Portsmith in the earliest years as a town.

Eateries

Upper Cut is hosting a special for families and students of Lowell Academy as long as the student can provide proof of attendance. Any student who comes with their family gets one full price menu item for half price per person in their party. This includes cocktails, desserts, and appetizers.

Stovepipe is boasting their newest coffee subscription service where customers pay $15 per month for unlimited coffee or tea and free refills while in cafe. Annual subscriptions are discounted and offered only to Lowell Students or their families. Stovepipe's backyard cafe is also offering free appetizers to Lowell Students and their families (limited to one per family).

Binderz Books will have a tea party during Lowell's Town Visit with their parents. This tea party offers many varieties of teas, finger sandwiches, charcuterie options, and sweet desserts to accompany their afternoons of high tea. This event will have floral arrangements provided by local and aspiring florists as well as art hung by local artists.

Entertainment

For the first time ever, The Capitol Club will open up its doors to students if their fathers are Alumni of Lowell Academy. Word in the halls of Lowell is that a high stakes poker game will be played during the Town Visit in an illustrious pop-up speakeasy held in the back of The Capitol Club. This private room and these private games are known as the Diamond Club because buy ins cost at least as much as the Mayor's best diamonds.

Gaze is hosting a Thrills & Chills entertainment week (21+). Turkish oil wrestling for anyone wanting to take someone on in the ring, Silk aerial performers and trapeze artists dressed as ghouls, ghosts, and bats. A risque Masquerade with participants often wearing little more than their masks, and a burlesque haunted house.

The Drive In is hosting a scream fest with screenings of classic black and white horror films and modern masterpieces of terror. Tickets are $10 per car and Buy One Get One on Candy, Popcorn, and beverages.

[doctorprofessorsong]

Destiel fic recs

A little something for everyone this time around as I ping ponged through a lot of great fics recently. I contain multitudes, okay?

A Novel Affair by EllenofOz and MalMuses @ellen-of-oz @malmuses (Explicit, 77k)

Ok, look. If you read my brain waves and used them to whip up a fic perfectly tailored to me, this is probably what the ficometer 2000 would spit out. A 2plt Regency fic with book porn, talk of little cakes and horses. It wasn’t enough to read it. Etch it onto my skull.

The story is a delightful, mostly fluffy rom com style fic with low angst and lots of fun. Cas inherits a tea shop and reading room (a dream come true for every bookstore gay). He can't help but be distracted by Dean, a local wealthy landowner who is obviously not interested in him (and who is on the marriage mart seeking a title). Unless . . . .

The story is sweet and light. These versions of Dean and Cas are so earnest and I can't say enough about the amazing cast of characters featured in the town. It has all the yearning of a Regency fic and vintage gay feels. But it's also so hopeful and joyous.

Revelation 13 by fullvoid @fullvoidao3 (Explicit, 43k)

And now for something completely different: murder husbands. This fic is a Silent Hill 4 AU. If you've played the game, it brings the creepiness and the gore (and you definitely don't have to have played to enjoy this fic). Dean and Sam wake up to discover they're trapped in their apartment. The only way out is a terrifying hole that appeared in the bathroom wall overnight. What they find on the other side is a dangerous hellscape ruled by terrifying and sadistic monsters.

Please mind the tags. This is unapologetically a horror fic with blood and guts and monsters, but it is a fantastic one with some pretty delightful grossouts if that's your thing (it's definitely mine). Also Dean and Cas are 100% murder boyfriends and morally pretty dark. But that’s what makes their dynamic fun. They would burn down the world for each other without a second thought. In addition to some top notch horror writing, this fic brings the humor. I was laughing my ass off. And it has the nerve to have some deeply poetic and haunting lines. It's seriously a fantastic romp in this genre.

The Parts of Our Sum by Annie D (scaramouche) @no-gorms (Explicit, 55k)

I am foaming at the mouth over this one, y'all. It's older and fairly well known, so you may have heard of it, but I am still going to scream into the void and stomp my feet and tell you to read it.

A sci fi AU where Cas is essentially a cyborg. A guy raised to fight for a nameless conglomerate Corporation. He was enhanced for battle and now that war is over, he has settled into a quiet routine of working on a training base and trying to save up enough money to buy his freedom. Dean is a civilian with deep animosity for the Corporation reluctantly working on the base so that he can be near his friends and family who are training to go into space. Both of them can't deny the pull they feel towards the other that seems to be challenging their plans.

This one is a Cas perspective that gives me deep canon angel Cas feels. Particularly the way Cas sees himself as company property defined solely by his utility. Despite being an AU, this one is deeply rooted in canon and it becomes at times a masterful character study, made more impressive by the fact that it was written in 2013. In fact, there were parts that felt so much like Despair and some of the late seasons that I kept double checking the post date. In summary, it grabs all the gooey Cas defines himself by his utility character beats and squashes them into your brain like play dough. The story is deeply satisfying and had me on edge despite the promise of a happy ending through all of the angst.

our lights in ashes by teen_dean @urne-buriall (Mature, 68k)

This fic is a masterpiece and a bit brain melting and crunchy and it's also a bit of a challenge to explain. It's really two fics in one. Dean and Jack on a delightfully Supernatural road trip solving cases (with some OCs who will live in my brain forever). The cases are fun. Inventive and clever, unusual monsters. Great stuff. Tying them all together is Cas and the other half of the story.

See, post 15x19 Jack tried and failed to get Cas back. But he's been appearing. To Dean and to save people being attacked by monsters. I don't want to spoil anything, but its deliciously high concept with some really fascinating elements.

Intertwined in this are some staggeringly beautiful themes about family and rebuilding after trauma. About love. About doing the work. It’s gorgeous.

Friends this one is a ride and a fantastic one.

Non Solum by thisisapaige @thisisapaige (Explicit, 16k)

Witchy!Cas meets Hunter!Dean in a fun fantasy story with phenomenal worldbuilding and lots of delightful details. When Dean is seriously injured during a hunt, he's sure that it's all over. That is until he stumbles upon a cabin in the woods. Cas is a witch trying to leave his complicated and dark past behind. When a man who would probably just as soon kill him as look at him collapses on his doorstep, he has to decide whether his own protection is more important than saving a life.

Dean and Cas are both so lonely. They have early season vibes. That plus the amazing worldbuilding makes this a really fun read.

Wavelength-gasm by Mumble_Bee (Explicit, 11k)

If you are in the mood for some absurd comedy and smut, you are in luck. The premise is simple: Cas gets hit with a fuck or die spell only it's his trueform that needs to have sex. Dean finds himself presented with the unique challenge of giving a celestial beam of light a hand job. It's horny, kinky and hilarious. Plus the true form descriptions are top notch. It's a delightful romp.

The State of You by TrenchcoatBaby (Explicit, 101k)

Writer Dean Winchester has a problem. After three successful books, he finds himself with severe writer’s block. Writer’s block stemming from a rather surprising discovery about himself. But his editor, Anna, isn't going to let him fail, even if I means sending her collegue to troubleshoot in person. She knows Castiel can help, if he and Dean don't strangle each other first.

This one has some delightful rom com elements including an awkward meet ugly and some rather stark misunderstandings, but it manages to pack an emotional punch at times as well. It was one of those fics that I could barely put down. Entertaining and sweet, sometimes heartbreaking but with a soft landing.

Carnival Oasis (Series) by violue @violue (Explicit, 47k with 10 installments)

I love a story that really leans into Cas as a strange, somewhat alien ancient creature. This story definitely fits the bill. Dean is a hunter who encounters a strange creature that feeds on sin/regret. He's fairly sure Castiel isn't malevolent, so why can't he stop going back?

Dean is a bit softer than in canon, taking a nuanced approach to hunting. Cas is less human as well. It makes for a really fun combination. I don't want to spoil anything, but the backstory for Cas is a amazing in this fic. Overall, it's a really fun take with low angst and lots of softness and humor.

---tag list---

@varlysca @naturallyathief @greatbigbugger @fandoms-and-things @cascodedtech @you-cant-spell-subtext-without @deanwasalwaysbi @fellshish @valleydean

[crazybutgood]

Day 10 (lou-isfake)

Last but certainly not the least, we have a gift dedicated to @lou-isfake from @sky-is-torn! 

Please click on the images for better quality and view the video for the quotes inside the book 😊:

Images’ description: in the image on the left, there’s a closed green origami book with ‘lou’ handwritten on the cover in cursive in black ink. In the image on the right, the book is opened to show its pages and a pink origami flower bookmark.

Video description: the book is flipped through to display the quotes handwritten in cursive in gold ink from Lou’s fics. The quotes shown here are also typed out below the cut.

Lou, here’s Sky’s fic recs and messages to you!:

The Ordeal of Being Known (M, 146637) 

When Auror Potter is anonymously cursed with silence by being forced to hide his own voice inside his mind, there's unfortunately only one person in the country with the qualifications to fix it: Certified and Licensed Healer Legilimens, Draco Malfoy, specialist in Mind Curses and Afflictions. It's obviously a terrible idea, a disaster waiting to happen, but Draco's never been able to back down from a challenge... especially from Potter.

Features fuzzy cartoon slippers, devious house elves, 90s music, and lots—LOTS—of memories. Ron is annoyingly hot, Hermione sees right through you, Harry is a powerful idiot, and Draco is a reclusive masochist that would buy an entire city if it would make a kid happy. (And Pansy is "5'2, I wanna dance with you, and I'm sophisticated fun.")

This fic is how I discovered Lou in the first place; their first fic, a novel-length story with an amazing plot! The premise is certain to take you in immediately and the way Lou incorporated Harry’s memories into the story is so clever and interesting! It incorporates canon in an entirely unique way, one that works so well that it feels like Harry Potter was simply a premise for this fic! Fair warning that this might make you lose sleep (but then, it’s totally worth it!) Each character has depth and little mannerisms that make them realistic! Draco’s voice in particular is witty and funny, the descriptions are tainted with his emotions, his feelings, it’s so entertaining! Oh and the pining, the pining! It’s out of this world! The entire story is so well-written as to become unforgettable – the dance scene in particular lives freely in my mind, playing on a loop <3 And it’s so cleverly done that you could read it a million times and always find new things to love, new layers to discover!

Here is the playlist made by Lou with songs to listen to while reading: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0Tj4I1UssvCmd2Qwpo1auY?si=4566ee2c942047ed

Weapon of Choice (T, 25641)

Sir Malfoy is in need of a sword. The blacksmith isn’t supposed to ask why.

Medieval fantasy stories are my favourite, so it’s no wonder that I fell in love with this story! It has all the best threads of an epic fairy tale, with magic and intrigue and romance all woven together into a masterpiece! Lou weaves an entire world before our eyes, giving new colours to characters we discover in new lights! The way the plot unfolds is so clever and full of suspense, I couldn’t put the story down!

A playlist I made with songs I think would work well with the mood of this story: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4QfmEys580TXSGDFmL0MIt?si=5b8b95633b94472b

This Heart on My Sleeve (M, 1171)

It’s a hopeless ordeal, all at once: I am never going to be rid of him; I am never going to have him; it is always, always going to hurt.

This short story contains just the right balance of angst and pining! Each sentence is beautifully crafted, and oh-so-poetic, it’s a pleasure to read it, each time I find a new detail to focus on! The alternating POVs turns this scene into a cinematographic experience, it really feels like the camera changes angles and we see the scene in an entirely new light!

Another playlist I made with songs I think would fit the vibe (including the song that inspired this story): https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5mr83Bmtw7hYWDVxG6BTxp?si=aa2bf568e3954eb9 

Go leave some love for Lou on these fics, and check out their ao3 here! Book’s quotes and corresponding fics are below the cut:

The Ordeal of Being Known (M, 146637) 

I am not who I was, he reminded himself, but who I was is part of who I am.

Weapon of Choice (T, 25641) 

"“I see you, Draco,” Harry continued, and Draco didn’t argue that, because he could feel it. He felt Harry’s eyes on every inch of his skin and through it, peering into his heart as if Draco hadn’t spent the last several years locking it away. As if it’d been right in front of him, the whole time, out in the open."

This Heart on My Sleeve (M, 1171)

“I know how the story ends, but I still feel the shards of it under my skin when the barber offers to buy him dinner to apologize for his blunder, when one licentious night turns into two passionate weeks followed by a tearful goodbye on a train, their paths never to cross again. “Most expensive haircut I’ve ever had,” he says, like I knew he would, but he’s looking at me—he’s always looking at me—and the shards twist, scratching like claws against the wall of a cage.”

[clandonnachaidh]

Light Across The Seas That Severed (Ch3)

AO3

Even after years of friendship, of seeing each other through some of the best and some of the hardest times of their lives, Jamie Fraser would still need to catch his breath at the sight of Claire Beauchamp when she really laughed. With her head thrown back, her whisky eyes would screw shut and she would run her long fingers into her beautiful hair in comedic exasperation.

If watching her laugh was a sight to behold, making her laugh was the best thing in the world.

They were sat across from each other surrounded by a pungent cloud of smoke, both of them situated on plush sofas of green leather that was cracked and worn from use. With each passing minute, Jamie felt like the sofa was beginning to swallow him. He made the mistake of voicing his concern to Claire.

She thought the whole thing was hilarious, obviously, and told him so before taking a bite out of the space cake that she had cut down the middle to share.

“Edibles are stronger, you’ll only need half anyway,” she had said in her matter of fact way that she had, taking charge of the situation from the minute they’d stepped foot in the coffee shop.

Jamie Fraser, being the good catholic boy that he was, had never been inside such a place and he certainly hadn’t experienced anything like the Red Light District that they had just walked through. Of course he had heard of Amsterdam’s relaxed laws when it came to sex work and drugs but seeing it first hand was something entirely different. When he caught sight of the first woman in the window, her long blonde hair tumbling around her bare shoulders, he felt the blush rise to the very tips of his ears as Claire just laughed and dragged him by the hand, deeper into the belly of the beast.

The plan had been for them to spend two days in the city before they said goodbye. Claire was following her heart (which took the shape of one Frank Randall, the same bastard who’d stood her up the night that Jamie and Claire had kissed for the first and only time) to Boston where she’d managed to get a placement in a surgical programme while Frank would teach at Harvard. It had taken everything in Jamie not to break when she told him, the smile that she had plastered on her face not quite reaching her eyes as she surveyed his reaction over her coffee cup. He had swallowed the rising panic in his throat and felt as it soured in his stomach but he managed to calm himself long enough to take a deep breath and tell her the truth — that he was proud of her and he would miss her. He would miss her so much.

Jamie knew that she was lying about not being able to book a more straightforward trip from London to Boston and he strongly suspected that she had orchestrated the two day layover in Amsterdam for the sole purpose of asking if he’d like to join her, a mini break that they both sorely needed after an arduous final year at university. He hadn’t even needed to think about it before he agreed and in the week leading up to it, he had struggled to think of anything but watching her as she wandered around the Rijksmuseum, oblivious to the art hanging on the walls when he had his own masterpiece right in front of him.

“I canna believe I’m in such a place wi’ ye, Sassenach, and for breakfast no less,” he said, hearing a laugh that didn’t sound quite like his own. Frowning at himself, he looked across at her as she chuckled kindly at him, her index finger dabbing a crumb from the corner of her mouth before popping it between her lips. The lips that he had tasted just once years ago in what had been agreed as a funny drunken lapse of judgment in a grubby old pub on the edge of their college campus.

“You just need to relax and you’ll enjoy it, I promise,” she said. It had been her idea to get high first thing in the morning and then spend the remainder of their final day together strolling around the museums and parks of the city, allowing themselves to get into the spirit of the place and cut loose for once.

He watched her waggling her eyebrows suggestively, looking to him like furry brown worms, “You seemed to enjoy the ladies outside well enough.”

He went bright red and tried to sit up straighter amongst the sofa cushions that were trying their best to swallow him, “Dinna be daft, ye ken I wouldnae pay a woman to do that sort of thing.”

“A lot of people pay for sex, Jamie, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Two consenting adults and all that.”

He had always known that Claire was a very liberal thinker and she spent a lot of time and energy educating herself on things to broaden her perspective of the world. Jamie admired her for it even if he did enjoy poking fun at her sometimes, just to watch the spark catch fire in her eyes as she told him precisely why he was wrong.

“Aye well, that’s all fine an’ weel but I winna be dealing wi’ it myself, thank ye.”

“Oh, live a little, Fraser. How long has it been since Annalise? Seven months?” She asked him directly as he made a very Scottish noise in the back of his throat in an attempt to dismiss the conversation about his ex-girlfriend.

“I’ll thank ye to leave her out of our weekend,” he warned her jokingly, delighting in the corner of her mouth quirking upwards in amusement. Before he knew it, the words were tumbling out of his mouth, “Besides, Lise and I, we never…”

He watched as Claire’s eyes almost burst from her skull as she leaned forward, her beautiful mouth gaping at his revelation. Why the hell had he told her that? They never spoke about the personal details of their respective relationships, it was the unspoken rule between them. Don’t ask, don’t tell. Jamie could think of nothing worse than sitting and listening to Claire regale him of her sexual exploits with the uptight historian. It also meant that Claire didn’t know exactly how much sex Jamie wasn’t having.

“Never?! You were together for a year!” The amazement in her voice was evident and Jamie flopped backwards in the sofa, raising his hands to his face. He cursed the effects of the marijuana that had relaxed him to the point where he was divulging information that he would usually keep behind his teeth.

“Never, okay?”

“Wow… okay… not sure what to do with that but okay,” she mirrored his body language, collapsing back onto her sofa and tucking her legs up underneath her. “So you’ve not had sex in what, just shy of two years? Good God, you must have the patience of a saint.”

“Something like that,” he mumbled into his palms, refusing to remove them for the fear of her gaze seeing the truth that he was trying desperately to keep hidden but that was on the tip of his very stoned tongue.

“Longer than two years?” He heard her whisper in disbelief.

“Try 24.”

They sat in silence for a few seconds before it became too much, he had to look at her to gauge her reaction to his honesty. He had expected her to laugh or to yell in surprise but he realised that she mostly just looked curious, like she was trying to figure out the answer to the puzzle that was sat opposite her.

“You’re a virgin?” He nodded in response and watched as her shoulders dropped slightly, smiling kindly at him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because we dinna talk about things like this,” he sighed. He could see all the questions that were threatening to slip past her lips.

“Have you not wanted to? Because that’s okay, maybe you’re just not into the thought of-“

“Christ, no! No, I’m definitely into the thought of it,” he laughed. “From the age of thirteen to seventeen, I barely thought of anything else. Besides, I said I was a virgin, no’ a monk. I’ve done stuff.”

She laughed at that, “So why not? I’m sorry, you absolutely do not have to tell me but I- just… how? Why?”

“Was just waitin’ on the right woman,” he shrugged in an attempt to appear nonchalant about the whole thing. Whether she was buying it or not, he couldn’t tell but he was certain that if she listened hard enough, she could hear his heart beating out a rhythm in time with the syllables of her name.

Because that was the real truth, wasn’t it? That he had been waiting for her.

She didn’t say anything in response, just leaned to cut the remaining space cake in half again, offering the larger half to Jamie that he almost snatched from her, anything to distance himself from the conversation that they were having.

He was grateful when she left it at that, being able to intuit that he wasn’t comfortable with the line of questioning. That night, when the effects of their morning had worn off, they rented bikes and attempted to navigate the city like the locals did, getting horribly lost and ending up drinking a beer by the canal as the sun went down. Jamie watched as the rays painted her pale skin gold and the wind caught the folds of her sundress, settling the material delicately against her bonnie wee shins. It had been the perfect day and Jamie didn’t want it to end. But he knew that it had to.

In the morning, she was getting on a plane.

“Shall we head back, d’ye think? It’s been a long day,” he said quietly, pulling her out of the daydream that she was sat in. She turned to face him with a dreamy smile on her face as she nudged his shoulder with her head.

“The best day,” she said simply. “Let’s go.”

They walked the short distance back to their hotel in silence, neither of them needing to fill it with words as they just existed in each other’s company. When they got to their hotel room, he made light work of pulling off his hoodie and collapsed onto his twin bed with the remote in his hand as she shut herself in the bathroom, the lock gently clicking behind her. Jamie ran a hand over his tired face and tried to concentrate on the tv. He had an ear for languages, being the proud new owner of a First in Modern Languages and Linguistics from Oxford, but the rules of Dutch seemed to be far removed from that of the French and German, and a little Italian, that naturally clicked together in his brain.

He strained to listen in an attempt to isolate some of the sounds, let his mind create patterns and try to fill in the gaps but he was tired and gave up quickly, punching the pillow that was under his head to prop up his neck a little further so that he could look out of the window. He heard the bathroom door unlock.

That was when he saw her. Really saw her for the first time. And it wasn’t because he could see more of her skin than he had ever seen before but because of the look that was painted on her face. Her beautiful face radiating a vulnerability and softness that he had never seen the depths of before, never as unguarded as she was in that moment. She smiled shyly at him and her hand came to cover her bare stomach slightly. Panic clutched at Jamie’s chest as he watched her wall build itself back up.

He was on his feet before he even knew it, pulling her hand back down to her side and lacing their fingers together.

It was always easier if they touched.

“What are ye doin’, Claire?” He tried to keep his voice soft, to not let the need he was feeling flow out in every word. She blushed and ducked her head, as though looking him in the eye would break the spell.

“I just thought…” she trailed off before defiantly bringing her head up and fixing him with a stare. “I can’t stand the idea of you having your first time with someone who doesn’t appreciate you.”

She had sounded strong and sure but Jamie’s head was birling. He took a step closer to her, so close that he could feel her breath on his chest and looked down at her body, barely an inch of space between them. The swell of her breasts were contained by a lace bra, a lilac so soft that it made her pale skin look like ivory against it. She was wearing matching underwear, just a scrap of material really, and his cock twitched at the thought of what she must look like from behind. The amazing arse of his best friend that he had shamefully lusted after for so long.

He raised the hand that wasn’t tangled with hers to hover over her heart, not quite touching the skin but watching as the goosebumps appeared anyway. She let out a shaky breath through perfectly pursed lips and he knew then what she was doing, the gift that she was giving him. Because she knew or at the very least suspected how he felt about her. She’d have to be blind not to see it.

She was saying goodbye.

“Claire… lass, we dinna have to do this. You dinna have to do this for me,” he whispered but he barely managed to get the words out before she popped up on her toes and closed the gap between them.

For a moment, they stood still. Neither of them moved a muscle for fear of breaking whatever magic had been cast over them. But then his mouth moved instinctively, applying pressure to her lips in an attempt to open them so his tongue could reacquaint itself with hers, so many years since they first kissed. He heard her, felt her, sigh softly and that was all the proof that he needed to wrap his arms around her and pin her to his chest, his mouth greedily seeking hers. Her hands found his face and thinking that she meant to push him away, he immediately let her go and took a step back from her, breath bursting from his lungs.

“I’m so sorry, lass, I didnae mean to get carried away-“

“Jamie, stop. You’re overthinking this,” she interrupted him by pressing her body back to his and put a steady hand on his cheek, his face leaning in to press a kiss to her open palm. The reality of the situation filled him. When the sun came up the next day, she would pack her things and they would travel to the airport to say goodbye. His chest tightened and he exhaled heavily, trying to take a steadying breath but it shattered in his throat and he tried to suck another in. Noticing that he was beginning to panic, Claire urged him to look at her. “It’s just me, Jamie, it’s us. Do you want this? Do you want me?”

“Oh God, yes.”

Their mouths snapped back together and all was right with the world. He couldn’t stop touching her, desperate to elicit sounds from her that she had kept hidden from him for so many years, ones that he thought he’d never have the privilege of hearing. An errant thought passed through his head, that maybe he should feel nervous about his first time, about not satisfying her, but the way that she was reacting to his kiss put his mind at ease. He would take everything in, commit everything to memory and be attentive to what she seemed to like and not like. She was terrible at lying, his Sassenach, and he was secure in the knowledge that he already knew her better than anyone else on this earth.

He was pulled from his thoughts at the feeling of her hands on his zipper and he groaned into their kiss as her hand brushed against his painfully hard cock through the thick material of his jeans. Everything was happening too fast and at the same time, not fast enough. He wished to be utterly consumed by her, to share something that neither of them would ever be able to take back. Something that he knew he would carry with him until the day he died.

Claire’s skilled fingers divested him of his jeans and he refused to break their kiss as he wriggled out of them, swallowing her giggles when she realised what he was up to. He ran his hands from her hips up the soft planes of her body, feeling her delicate ribs under her skin and brushing around the lace of her bra to where it joined in the back. Whether it was intuition or he fact that he practically ripped the clasp apart in blind need, he had no idea, but his fingers fumbled less than he had anticipated.

“I want to see you too,” she whispered against his lips, pulling his t-shirt over his head in one quick movement before she fixed him with a stare, licked her tongue down the palm of her hand as Jamie’s eyes widened in disbelief before her hand disappeared into the waistband of his boxers.

“Christ,” he shuddered, screwing his eyes shut in an attempt to contain the feel of her warm, wet hand on his cock. Her grip was firm on him as his jaw hung open and she greedily claimed his mouth once more as she quickened the pace.

When her mouth disappeared from his, Jamie opened his eyes in confusion to see that she’d dropped to her knees in front of him, her index fingers taking the fabric of his boxers on the same descent. The sight alone nearly undid him but it was nothing compared to the heat that enveloped him as she took him inside her mouth. Fingers immediately threaded through her hair, he squeezed his eyes shut with a gasp as she took him as far back as she could, which was no small task given the size of him. His mind betrayed him with a memory of Annalise trying her hardest but he was never truly convinced that she had wanted to do it, suspecting that she felt like it was an obligation which meant that Jamie could never really enjoy the act. As though she knew that his mind had wandered, Claire’s fingers gripped him tightly as her mouth kept a steady rhythm and his hips jerked forwards instinctively. An attempt at a stuttered apology was on the tip of his tongue but she beat him to it, moaning around him and sending delicious vibrations down his length. Knees buckling slightly at the sensation, Claire’s whisky eyes peered up at him, her lips plump and wet and with a hollowing of her cheeks and a hard suck, she sent him crashing over the edge, moaning her name as he did.

As the stars that had burst into his vision began to fade, he fought to get his breath back, feeling the brush of her body as she got up from her knees.

“Did that feel good?” She whispered as he nodded furiously, bumping their noses together in his enthusiasm. She laughed quietly and went back to kissing him, the feeling of her smile on his lips.

“It was amazing,” he told her. “Thank you.”

She laughed at his earnest gratitude, “I know how you can make it up to me.”

Taking his hand and leading the both of them towards her bed, Claire didn’t allow for too much space to come between their bodies as she lay back and pulled him down with her. Jamie’s mind raced as the sight. How many times had he imagined this? And how pitiful his imagination had been when conjuring it, missing the exquisite details like the way her her skin trembled at his touch and the softness of the sole her foot trailing up the back of his calf as he lay on top of her.

He knew that he was the luckiest man alive as he kissed down her body and a found a freckle on the inside of her thigh. To know the secret parts of her, to have her share them with him when she kept everyone else at arm’s length. How could he not be in love with her?

“Touch me, Jamie.”

He knew that those were the words that would wake him in a sweat for the years to come as he revisited this moment in his dreams. Hearing them fall from her throat was a blessing and he wasn’t one to squander such an invitation. He was trying to be gentle with her so as to not scare her off but in that moment, his trembling fingers became sure and shredded through the thin lace of her underwear, ripping them from her body with a deep growl that he didn’t know he was capable of producing. He felt her body melt into the mattress as his middle finger found her wet centre, her legs quivering in response.

“Oh, my Claire… how beautiful you feel,” he whispered as she moaned loudly, pushing her hips towards him in an attempt to receive more attention. His warm hand left her and closed around her hipbone as he kept her at a distance, blue eyes blazing into whisky ones with so much love that it made her mouth water. Not breaking eye contact, his fingers flexed around her hip, holding her in place as he brought his mouth to her core.

Claire threw her head back against the pillow, mouth agape.

“What the fuck,” she gasped. He had told her that he wasn’t entirely green behind the ears but it was nice to hear the shock in her voice as he set his tongue to work. Within minutes Claire’s body was writhing, one hand fisted in the bedsheets like she was holding on for dear life. It still wasn’t enough and so he shifted his arms underneath her, running them up the length of her back and pulling her closer into his mouth. She squeaked with surprise as she settled her weight onto her shoulders, trusting that Jamie’s strength would hold her steady as he relentlessly licked and nipped at her.

“Jamie, I’m-“

Claire was unable to finish as her words were replaced by a loud moan, Jamie’s growl indicating that he was not willing to let her go without knowing what it felt like for her lose herself on his tongue.

Fingers gripping his curls, Claire pulled slightly and he felt her entire body go rigid as she tried to control the feelings that were coursing through her body. Jamie slid two fingers into her and lightly flicked his tongue against her, holding her steady as she began to convulse in his arms. He was fascinated to learn that she didn’t make a sound, only screwed her eyes shut and let her mouth hang open as she rolled her hips against him, riding out her orgasm.

When he felt her shy away from his tongue, he gave her a final kiss and moved up towards her, delighting in the way that she curled her hand around the back of his neck and brought his mouth down to hers, tasting herself on his lips.

“Not a monk indeed,” she laughed breathily as she ran her fingers through her hair, her eyes shutting slightly as the aftershocks ran through her.

“I’m a man of many talents, if I do say so myself.”

“I wonder what else you’re good at,” she raised a single eyebrow above a pair of seductive eyes and Jamie took the opportunity to press his renewed erection against her thigh.

“Only one way to find out, I suppose.”

Her hands sought out his body again, as though they were always meant to be touching and she moaned a little when she felt that he was hard so soon after his orgasm.

“We can stop here, Jamie. This is your choice. Whatever you want.”

“I want ye so much, I can scarcely breathe. Will ye have me?”

“Yes,” she sighed deliriously, “Yes, I’ll have you.”

“Come here to me, Jamie,” she whispered as she took him in hand and lead him to her opening. He steeled himself, taking a deep breath and basking in the look of wonder on her face, soon replaced by a quiet, exquisite joy as he pushed himself home for the first time.

She was like velvet. Impossibly soft and hot, wet with her need and it was all he could manage not to immediately race to his finish, to take her with a force and a desperation that he knew was painted on his features. With the strength of an army, he stilled himself and raised his face to hers, nearly coming undone when their eyes met.

Claire had never looked at him like that. Her cheeks were flushed from her pleasure, her pupils blown wide and stunned. His soul was laid open to her and hers to him. And he knew that his face showed the unfathomable depth of his love for her, incapable of hiding it when they were joined like this.

Jamie could have stayed that way forever but his physiology had other ideas, his hips responsively snapping into hers. She moaned and tilted her hips to meet him, raising a knee upwards to cradle his side and deepen the angle of him inside of her. Jamie was completely unaware that something could feel this good and he lowered his head to capture her lips as he began to rock his hips against hers.

All worries that he may have had left him when he watched the way she responded to his body, her fingertips digging into the muscles of his biceps until he was sure that they would bruise. She was panting and moaning beneath him, making tiny movements with her body that produced huge waves of sensation in his. He was so distracted by his own pleasure that the first time she clenched lightly around him, he wasn’t even sure that it had happened. Looking down at her, he mimicked the movement with his hips and earned himself another wonderful contraction coupled with an urgent moan that ripped from her chest.

He slowed his pace, not wanting to be undone before she reached her peak and moved his fingers to her mouth which she accepted greedily. Screwing his eyes shut at the sensation, he trailed his hand down her body to the place where they joined and lightly found the bundle of nerves at the top of her sex. She convulsed, eyes snapping open in pleasure and he wished for the hundredth time that he could drown in them.

As his fingers began to stroke her, he watched as her body changed from pliant and soft to frantic and needy. Her hands moved to his arse and pulled him into her, keening at the feeling of his cock coupled by the pleasure that he was seeking in her from his fingers.

“You’re going to make me come, Jamie,” she sobbed in surprise and he doubled down his efforts to find it for her, to let her chase her pleasure before he gave in to his own. What a gift to be able to feel the way her body reacted to his, to know how it felt when she came close to her orgasm. Her tight muscles fluttered around him as he watched the flat plane of her stomach clench in an attempt to control the pleasure that was crashing through her body. It was all too much.

“Give me your mouth, Sassenach,” he gasped as he sealed his mouth to hers, their tongues hungrily seeking the other. It was the moment of combustion when they finally met and her body convulsed once more before she began to shake uncontrollably, noises coming from her that he never thought he’d hear. It was everything he needed in that moment as he began to pour himself into her, unable to stop the frantic jerk his hips as he experienced a blinding white pleasure that he’d never felt before.

Only just managing to shift his body so that he didn’t collapse his entire weight onto her, Jamie rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling as he waited for his heart rate to slow. He was hyper aware of Claire’s body beside him, of the rise and fall of her chest as she descended from waves of pleasure that he had elicited in her. He’d expected for his mind to be running a hundred miles a minute but all he felt was serenity. In that moment, the world was exactly as it should be.

“Christ,” Jamie huffed, unable to stop the air bursting from his lungs. The question fell out of him before he had a chance to stop it. “Is it always like that?”

He didn’t look at her, couldn’t force his eyes to look at her face in case he didn’t like what he saw. But his eyes began to drift closed at the feeling of Claire curling her naked body around his, bringing a bent leg to rest over his abdomen and her hair splaying on his chest.

“No, it isn’t.”

[ikkestress]

Hiii, so I noticed you sometimes repost/mention evak fics and I was wondering if you could recommend any one shots to read??

Hi! This is the first time anyone has asked me to recommend evak fics, so I feel very honored :)) Here are some of my favorite oneshots:

let’s have a team talk by colazitron - Even is out for some non-alcoholic gløgg with his friends when he catches sight of a pretty blond boy. His friends do what all good friends would: play matchmaker. (5.2k)

And you use it only for me by Skamisako - Isak works at a bookstore and Even can't stop buying ridiculous books to make him blush. (5.7k)

thought i had you in the palm of my hand that night by hippopotamus - They're roommates, and they don't get on at all. Until they do, at which point Even decides to develop a useless crush. (6.6k)

Den Store Festen by TheGirlNoOneKnows5 - Vilde decides to throw a breakup party for Noora. Everyone thinks it's a great idea until they are forced to help. Isak would rather do literally anything else over cooking. Until he realizes he gets to spend a full day in the kitchen with Sana's gorgeous friend... (7.8k)

Haunt Me Then by ashotofjac, Ghostcat - Norway's Most Haunted co-hosts Even and Isak take their continuing investigation of the supernatural to an abandoned mental hospital in this week's special episode, The Horrors of Hallager Hospital. (8.2k)

you call me lavender, you call me sunshine by aestheticzjm - The one in which Isak is forced to look over a friend's tattoo parlor and Even works at the flower shop across the street. (8.4k)

open the pod bay doors by iriswests - Even's trying to write a script for his class, Isak happens to catch a glimpse of the shit show, and they fall in love over a story of parallel universes. (8.5k)

This Time With Adidas Sneakers and Cigarettes by LavenderWater - Isak moonlights as Parallel, an underground graffiti artist best known for his elaborate additions to the street art of another artist known as EBN. One night while working on his latest masterpiece, Isak strikes up a conversation with a strange boy he catches watching him from the apartment steps across the street. (8.6k)

Fall for You by Sabeley - If Isak could just stop embarrassing himself in front of the ridiculously attractive guy in his psychology class, that would be great. (9.2k)

baby we’ve got new love by itjustkindahappened - Isak is hella fucking gay and desperately single, and Eskild wants to change that. Even just has a thing about timing. (9.6k)

I wrote an angry letter to the void, and the void responded by orphan_account - A book finds its way to Isak's sacred study spot. This proves to be a major distraction. (9.6k)

a constant state of closeness by chevythunder - It starts with a hug. (9.7k)

Love Me Harder by tech_ftw - In which accidentally being added to a group text has unexpected consequences. Like falling in love. (9.8k)

Is This What You Wanted? by cuteandtwisted - Isak is filthy rich and Even is a hardworking male model who just got signed to his father's agency. Even gets an awful offer from Isak: one night with him in exchange for money, and begins to despise him. Little does he know that everything he thinks he knows about Isak is wrong. (10k)

our souls aren’t strangers by everythingislove (straykid) - The six times Isak and Even can't get it together, and the one time they already are. (10.2k)

we'll talk about the weather by MinilocIsland -  Isak’s got this. Of course he’s got this.It isn’t the first time he’s interviewed a hot guy, and it won’t be the last. He’s a professional, after all. Always is. That is, until the unpredictable autumn weather puts a stop to his well-laid plans. (10.9k)

when your heart is bleeding, i'm coming to get you by cosetties - Isak doesn't exactly expect his hookup from last week to be the love advice columnist at the school newspaper he's working at. He also doesn't expect to fall even harder for him than he already has, which is a shame, really, since Even's crushing on someone else. (13.5k)

Tell Me One True Thing by cuteandtwisted - 10 times Isak and Even hang out at Oslo Gardermoen airport, and one time they meet somewhere else. Aka Isak works at a 24/7 food court at the airport and Even is a very frequent traveler who likes to leave him notes on receipts. (15.7k)

Sideways and Slantways by iriswests - Isak gets stuck in an elevator with the one person he's vowed never to speak to again. This eventually prompts a conversation long overdue, but not without the memories flooding his brain like a broken dam first. (17.7k)

Fab Five and Even by Ye_Olde_Hedgehog - The Hei Briskeby boys are in need of an idea for a new youtube video. Isak Valtersen is in need of a makeover. Thanks to Sana, these two things collide... (25.4k)

[ladykissingfish]

a day at the Beach/Seaside with the Akatsuki

Deidara Swimming is too pedestrian for this artist, but he IS very much into surfing. Years of continuous practice balancing on his clay birds through high-velocity speeds and wind makes it almost child’s play for him stand on a surfboard. But if the waves aren’t big enough, or if he feels like taking it easy, he’ll simply spread out a towel and work on his tan all afternoon. However, he’ll stubbornly insist that it isn’t THAT hot so he doesn’t need sunscreen, and will go home with his skin as red as a lobster. If not surfing or tanning, will spend some time messing with Tobi; his favorite thing to do is convince Tobi to let him bury him up to his neck in sand, and then, once Tobi is trapped and can’t escape, throw bread or crackers at his head so that the seagulls swoop in and attack. Not ENTIRELY a dick, though; after he’s had his fun, will dig Tobi out and buy him a snack. Sasori Can’t feel heat on his skin, so tanning is out. Although he’s made of wood and should therefore float, he also has several heavy metal components that would make him sink like a brick, so swimming is off the table as well. Really thinks the beach is pointless; however, being around the sand puts him in mind of his childhood. He’ll spend the day creating amazingly beautiful sand castles; but he has to keep an eye out for Deidara, as the “art is an explosion’ chanter will try and sneak some bombs into Sasori’s pieces. Surprisingly his work attracts a lot of children, who watch the redhead create his masterpieces with awe. Sasori is flattered by the attention; doesn’t realize until one of them calls him “Onii-san” that ((because of his height)) they assume him to be an older kid instead of a 35 year old man. Gets annoyed ... but doesn’t shoo them away. Art is meant to be appreciated by all. Kakuzu Isn’t one to let a possible money-making opportunity go to waste. Has known about the beach trip for a week beforehand, so he’s had ample time to prepare. Will have used some of his bounty-money to buy a small snack stand, and will charge exorbitant prices for his fare. At first no one comes to him ... and then little by little, the other snack stands on the beach start having “accidents”. One place has the oven start on fire, another mysteriously runs out of soba noodles ... fairly quickly Kakuzu holds the monopoly on the food, and uses some of his money to pay off the accident-creators, while still turning a nice profit. If feeling charitable (and if he did really REALLY good) will bring free (yes, free; old guy must have had a heat-stroke) ice cream to the rest of Akatsuki. Hidan Like Deidara, enjoys to surf (although he isn’t as good at it). Also likes to scope out the women on the beach; Jahinism doesn’t really encourage the ideas of physical love or romance, but as far as Hidan can tell, looking is just fine. He’s not really subtle about it though; his obvious ogling and unintentionally perverted comments will earn him quite a few hand-prints to the face. Tanning isn’t really his thing as it requires staying still in one place, and he has far too much energy for that. Will try and engage the rest of the group in a volleyball or soccer game; but most will turn him down. At best he can sometimes convince Deidara to face him in one-on-one competitions, but the two usually just spend the entire time accusing each other of cheating. Itachi It’s obvious to anyone who looks ... this man does not get enough sleep. The bags under his eyes are thicker than the money-pouches Kakuzu hides in his mattress. A beach day for him, is a sleep day for him. After appropriately covering himself with sunscreen, and putting on sunglasses, he’ll lay down, close his eyes — and be out like a light. It would literally take a hurricane to wake him once he goes out. He chooses to sleep near Konan and Pein, so that they can keep a eye on him ... but sometimes they’re distracted and some of the more mischievous members of the Akatsuki ((see: Deidara and Hidan)) take advantage of the lack of supervision by taking a marker and drawing all

over Itachi’s pale skin. Might wake up to eat (Konan will offer him some of her snacks, which he’ll gratefully accept), but otherwise the whole day is spent in a warm slumber. Konan/Pein For Konan, a beach day is a day of complete relaxation for her. She’ll have a book, she’ll have sunscreen, she’ll have snacks, and she’ll have Nagato. Well, Nagato as Pein. Pein will sit and quietly talk to her; this’ll be only time the two of them can be “normal”, and enjoy a normal, peaceful day. They watch over the rest of the group, much the way two parents watch over their children. Nagato enjoys seeing the view of the water and the sunshine through Pein’s eyes; it’s a far cry from the village where it was always dark and raining. Nagato takes notice of how many men subtly (and not so subtly) stare at Konan’s beauty, and it makes him smile, thinking of how Yahiko would have undoubtedly reacted to such a situation. Quite a few men receive an Almighty Push — into the ocean — in memory of their old friend. Tobi/Obito Tobi is, as expected, super excited about a beach trip. Before the group leaves he will run around the hideout pestering everyone about all he wants to do, and packing more than he needs to bring. As Obito, all he really wants to do is be able to take off the cumbersome mask and lie in the sand with his face in the sun. But as Tobi, he knows what the others expect of him, so he acts accordingly. Building sand castles, playing hide and seek games with some kids, wading into the shallow water, begging his Senpai to buy him sweets from the snack stands ... eventually he wanders off from the group and finds an isolated spot, where nobody can see him. Takes off his mask and lets what little sunlight reaches him touch his face. Sits and draws his knees up to his chin; finds himself thinking of the very last time he went to a beach, with Minato-sensei, Kakashi ... and Rin. As always, the very thought of Rin has him tearing up. Suddenly he hears Deidara coming from behind, calling out to him. “Oi, Tobi; what are you doing?” He automatically answers in his Tobi voice ... but his mask is still sitting at his feet. Deidara stays where he is, and asks, in a very un-Deidara-like voice, if he’s okay. Obito is a little surprised that Deidara doesn’t rush up on him to see his face without his mask; the fact that he stays where he is, is a level of respect that Obito never expected to get from him. He picks it up and slides it on, before getting to his feet. Deidara looks relieved ... and annoyed. In his hand is an ice cream cone, already half-melted. “Oi; you ask me to buy you something to eat, then you disappear, hm!” Tobi takes it and hugs his Senpai, accidentally getting ice cream in his hair. Deidara reacts angrily and Tobi finds himself running away; all is back to normal. Zetsu God help anybody who’s brought small pets with them, because likely a family will go home sans the dog. Zetsu uses his stealth skills and spying abilities to scope out where the best “snacks” are, and to capture them without attracting notice. Beachgoers are extremely fortunate that Zetsu was made to PROMISE that he’d limit his snacking to animals and not people, otherwise quite a few families would be going home minus the kids as well. When it eating, will find a quiet spot to sit in the sun and photosynthesize. Kisame Is it any surprise to anybody that the guy who’s half-shark would spend his entire day DEEP underwater? Kisame explores the depths of the sea, admiring the beautiful aquatic scenery and feeding on the smaller (and very confused) fish. If he’s near where Deidara or Hidan are surfing, he’ll sneak up on them from beneath, grab their leg and yank them down. He enjoys seeing the terrified look on their face and then the anger-relief when they realize it’s him. He and Kakuzu also have a thing going: Kisame finds a *lot* of jewelry in the water, things that people have lost. He’ll take these to Kakuzu, Kakuzu will carefully polish them up, sell them, and split the profits 50/50. Also likes to chill & have lemonade with Itachi (when he’s awake).

[armylily]

Random Peter Parker/Spiderman headcanons (gender neutral)

~

-Sends your favorite flower(s) to your house/apartment while he's on patrol

-If you like a certain candy, he'll ask Mr. Stark to buy a whole crate

-Yes, you two have done the legendary Spiderman kiss many times whenever he saves you from meager robbers

-Scared to hold/cuddle you because of his strength but slowly warms up

-Has helped you in any subject you may be failing in

-Would shyly reward you with kisses if you get the answer right when studying

-(If you have younger siblings) He gets along with them so well, a perfect babysitter(if Spiderman isn't needed but ofc that's rare)

-(If you have older siblings) He'll be a little shy with them but would have great conversations with them

-(If you have a pet((s)) Will get a teeny tiny bit jealous if you give them your attention but won't say it out loud

-Will support you FULLY with your hobbies, whether it's art, music, working out, cosplaying. He is your personal cheerleader and he's proud.

-He has a few doodles of you in his school notebooks, may have drawn a few small hearts on the side

-His heart swells whenever you see something you really like and you get a cute, bright smile on your face; He loves it when you're happy

-Loves it when you massage his tense muscles after fighting crime

-Your hands are small in his and he gets flustered whenever he looks at them

-If you feel insecure about your body, he will place kisses on the place you're insecure about and praises you like the masterpiece you are

-Random love notes in your school locker or in your school books

-Loves it when you're nerdy with him; you both could talk about Star Wars, Tony Stark/Iron Man, The Avengers, Star Trek, anything

-He gets so happy when you get along with his friends, especially Ned and MJ

-He loves that you deny Flash's pick-up lines and how independent you can be

-You both have danced to many songs, RnB, Pop, Metal, well known meme songs

-Matching onesies

-Being Spiderman does make his confidence go up but whenever he approaches you as his alter ego, he's your shy bean Parker

-Loves your singing voice, even if you're not trying

-HE IS THE LITTLE SPOON AND YOU CANNOT CHANGE MY MIND

-He gets nightmares from losing his parents to losing his uncle to his scary enemies so he'll set his head on your chest and listen to your heartbeat while your hands run through his hair

-He tries to not talk about you to Wade because...it's Wade

-Regarding your sexuality or sexualities, he is all in with supporting you after doing more research because he may not know them and would feel embarrassed if he asked

-He is ready to be the shoulder you need to cry on INSTANTLY, he's got your favorite movie/movie series on, favorite snacks and drinks, favorite stuffed animals(optional). Or if you don't want that, he's ready to hold you in his arms while singing lullabies to you

-After that, he'll ask if someone said something or did something and he definitely will confront them.

-In conclusion, Peter Parker is hopelessly in love with you and will do anything to make you happy

[notbecauseofvictories]

Oh No I’m Stuck in My Apartment

Now is the best of times, now is the worst of times! 

Anyway, I am not a healthcare professional and it turns out pandemics don’t care about “law” actually so I’m here to offer the resources I can. Namely: Where To Find Media & Inject It In Your Eyeballs Without Infecting Other People. Most of these links will be USA-specific, but do search for local equivalents.

I. LEGAL, IE EITHER KNOWN TO OR PROFITABLE FOR THE CREATORS / IP-OWNERS

Obviously there’s the whole Nutflix/Prima/Holla/Antitrust Violation+ axis, but there are lots of other ways to access content online and potentially without a subscription fee.

YOUR LOCAL PUBLIC LIBRARY---depending on the resources available, a public library can offer up a wealth of ebooks, audiobooks, online resources, and general content, including awesome stuff to keep the Little Ones (Suddenly Not In School) engaged and using their brains. I encourage everyone to start here. I also recommend the Hoopla app and the Library Extension---those times I feel tempted to look on Amazon first, they’ve pulled me back and reminded me that Chicago Public Libraries might have that, and for free! A blessing.

PBS---A miracle and a gift. Tons and tons of content on the website, and if you become a member (”viewers like you”!) you can access even more, through their partnership with Masterpiece Theater. 

KANOPY---Are you into old movies? Do you have a library card and/or are a student at a university? Check of Kanopy, a service that partners with academic institutions and libraries to stream culturally significant films.

TUBI---like Crackle or Vudu, its catalog is nowhere near as extensive as more profitable streaming services, but it uses a commercial break/no paid subscription model. Currently the only streaming service featuring Leverage, which is a pretty good indicator of quality imho.

MET OPERA LIVE IN HD---This is very niche, but if you’re into opera, the Met is making its recent Live in HD performances stream-able through its website. (It already had this capability through its archives, but I appreciate the chance to see more recent productions.)

Less specifically: if you’re interested in trying out a particular television channel or podcast, buying a book (particularly one from a debut author whose book tour has been canceled due to COVID), or attempting video games, now’s the time, since many are offering free or discounted shipping/access.

II. MAYBE POTENTIALLY NOT EXACTLY LEGAL BUT NOT TECHNICALLY A DMCA VIOLATION TO WATCH

oh no, what’s this whole “pu t loc ker” phenomenon? who can possibly say? no one should visit a link that’s mostly a repository of ripped movies of varying quality (both the movies and the quality of the recording)

and definitely I don’t recommend anyone google “project free tv” in order to catch up on their shows! who would do such a thing that might deprive a poor, multi-trillion dollar mouse some shred of profit????

in addition, no one should check out r/pro(f)shot musicals (minus the f) in they’re looking to find a lot of professionally-recorded musicals, operas and plays! I mean, that would be bad, sort of. I guess.

sometimes, if you go to youtube and click around in clips related to something you want to see, the algorithm will recommend a different video, with a non-searchable title akin to “man in basement develops unhealthy attachment to soprano” or  “austen heroine thinks manners are heroin”. Definitely shouldn’t do that, probably.

.........if you have other resources, don’t hesitate to add to this post or reply. Let’s all stay healthy, stay hydrated, and stay (relatively) socialized!

[jaynedolluk]

JOHNNY THUNDERS. IN COLD BLOOD BY NINA ANTONIA

This is an updated version of the official Johnny Thunders biography, first published when he was still alive in 1987. He co-operated with the author and gave her several interviews. So who was Johnny Thunders?

Well, factually, he was the lead guitarist with New York Dolls then guitarist/vocalist in a succession of bands and solo projects, most notably The Heartbreakers. He was a heroin addict for many years and eventually died of undetermined causes in 1991 aged 38. But that can never convey how great Johnny was ---- he was the essence of rock and roll. Yes, he could be and often was a complete fuck-up but he was like the little girl with the curl, when he was good he was very, very good. His style influenced whole generations of musicians and he wrote some brilliant, under-rated songs --- Born To Lose, Too Much Junkie Business and the absolute classic You Can’t Put Your Arms Around A Memory. (It was actually Dee Dee Ramone who wrote the Thunders staple, Chinese Rocks). But his drug habit, personality and lifestyle saw Thunders time and time again, in the words of one observer, snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. This book catalogues an endless litany of fall-outs, bureaucratic cock-ups, lack of record company support, bad mixes and basically you could say anything that could go wrong did go wrong. And through it all Johnny staggered on, purely wanting to play his music.

Nina Antonia has an obvious affection for her subject, which shows in her writing, which has some great descriptions. The book is well-researched and contains interviews with several people who worked with Johnny Thunders such as Tony James and Patti Paladin. There’s also some stuff I’d never heard before --- that he was in a couple of films and that he’d been married and had 3 children (2 sons by his wife and a daughter by another woman). There are loads of great photos plus a rather confusing discography. My edition also came with a CD featuring an interview and some of his best known tracks (although mysteriously his masterpiece You Can’t Put Your Arms Around A Memory is absent). It’s a great idea and acts as a good introduction to Johnny.

I first got into Thunders around 1985 when I got a NY Dolls tape because I was into Hanoi Rocks and I heard the Dolls were a forerunner to them. (How I wish I could have seen the gigs where Hanoi Rocks and Thunders played together). I never got to see him live although a friend did. She said he walked out, collapsed on stage and his band just played on: meanwhile, most of the audience were in the toilets shooting up smack --- from what I gather, this was a fairly typical gig. I agree with another friend who described Johnny as the pure spirit of rock and roll. Despite his problems, He didn’t buy into all the record compamy machinations and media bullshit, he just wanted to do his music. It’s criminal the way his legacy has been overlooked. He hasn’t been rediscovered like Iggy Pop or hyped like the Sex Pistols. When he died I was sad and when I told people why, they were like, Johnny who? Never mind, though, I still went on a Johnny Thunders Memorial Pub Crawl and toasted the original Jet Boy.

THIS REVIEW ORIGINALL APPEARED IN ISSUE 5 OF MY FANZINE PRETTY BUT SCHIZO WHICH CAME OUT AROUND 2003/2004

[ziaxkawaii]

Worth more than some perceive (Victorian!Todoroki X F!Reader) Part 1

Pairing: Shoto Todoroki x Reader

Warnings: None.

Other: Quirks aren't a thing in this particular story and Endeavour's just being a piece of crap

Summary: Living hand to mouth was not easy in the Victorian ages, but you managed. Being nothing more than a dressmaker surrounded by rich people, you doubted someone would be interested in you. But you were proven wrong when you occasionally started to find neatly wrapped up little gifts on your threshold in the mornings.

Part 2 Here!     Part 3 Here!

~"(Name)! We got another order!" Your older brother William shouted from behind a corner. You really weren't paying attention to what he was saying as you were sewing a delicate silver ornament on the front of a beautiful dress.

~The ornament was what would catch most of the attention upon first look at the gown, so it had to be sewn perfectly, and by a steady hand. So you couldn't afford to make any mistakes or you would have hell to pay later.

~"(Name)!! Didn't you hear what I said?" Your brother enters the backroom of the boutique where you were working along with some papers in his hands. He looked and sounded a bit annoyed, but you knew it was unintentional. It has been especially a stressful week.

~"I did, but I am kind of in the middle of something here..." You trailed off as you stuck out your tongue in concentration and still not looking in your brother's direction.

~"Oh, apologizes sister. I thought you were having your break." He spoke more softly this time as he took a seat at his desk that was right next to yours.

~"I would be, but I have to finish this gown before closing. The customer said they would come to pick it up today."

~"I've noticed you have been working more lately. You must be more tired than usual." He pointed out, with a saddened tone.

~"Thank you for reminding me." You flatly commented as you continued to work.

~"I didn't mean to insult you, I'm just worried about your health." You scowled as you finally finished sewing the ornament and cut off the excess thread.

~"Yes, I have been working more lately since I also have to do a part of your work too. For example, last week you were gone for two days when you went to market our shop to the extravagant ball that had wealthy people from all over the capital." You still weren't looking at him.

~"And while you were spending time talking to very important people. I was here at the boutique doing my AND your work for those days." You looked over your masterpiece. Looking for any imperfections or accidental tea stains, finding none. "Plus, you wore one of my most expensive, delicate, and time-consuming suits." You continued your rant.

~"I have never made anything as high-quality as that suit, so if you somehow managed to get even one stain on it, you best believe I would have made you beg for mercy on your knees." You slipped the gown on a mannequin and spread the hem of the dress and took a step back to really see how it would look in the action.

~"It is breathtaking." William commented behind you.

~"William...." You said warningly as you finally turned to him, brushing non-existing dust off your dress skirt and long dress sleeves before crossing your arms. You could admit that right now you may act a little too harshly but you were tired and it clouded your judgment a bit.

~"Alright, alright, I know. But I already told you why all of it was necessary. We have to get our name out there, and what better way to promote our glorious suits and gorgeous dresses than letting them see them see first hand! You should have seen how intrigued and impressed all the men and women were when they saw me." He tried to lift your spirit by smiling brightly and jumping up and down a little.

~He wasn't wrong. If you two wanted more customers than the locals, you had to expand your promotion. And it took lots of effort and skill to lure people to consider buying your clothing, and William was good at that. And since you were a bit more advanced in sewing than William, it meant that you could get work done faster, hence you could handle the workload if he had to leave for a while. So you were always left to sew alone at the boutique.

~But it still bothered you.

~"I know, but it still frustrates me that it's always you who gets to go to the magnificent balls, wearing luxurious clothing while I'm here by myself working my arse off." You ranted while you paced back and forth in front of him. “They probably thought you tailored that suit and not me.”

~"I specifically told them that you, my dear sister, had been the one who made it." He grabbed your shoulder, in a last effort to stop your nonsense blabbering.

~"And you think they were listening? "A young woman couldn't possibly make something so prestigious and form-fitting for a businessman." "She surely couldn't have made it." "There is no way she designed it." I've heard them all!"

~"Calm down (Name)... You're breathing heavily again..." You didn't even realize you were. You took a couple of deep breaths and gazed at the floor.

~"It's just so... unfair..." You said depressed as you hugged him. You knew it had to be this way, but after a while, you start to grave for a taste of something new and exciting. Not the same old, same old bread that you have been chewing for the last few years.

~William knew how much more credit he was getting than you since most people automatically assume he's the one who designs the suits and accessories because he's the man who people first meet. In reality, it's you who does that. You're the one who basically runs the boutique, not him. William hugged you tightly back.

~"I know (Name)... I know."

~~~

~"Oh, did I forget to mention that a customer had booked an hour-appointment for this morning?" William asked as he went through some mail at his desk. You were just walking down the stairs from your shared home with your tea in hand.

~It was very convenient to have the boutique on the first floor and then your living quarters on the second. Affordable and comfortable, that's what you say. And you were always on time to open the store for customers.

~And with you being happy for once in a long time as you got a good night's rest, you figured that this day would be over in a breeze. You sipped your drink and sat down at your own work desk.

~"Yes, you forgot to mention. Did they say anything special in the letter?" You inquired.

~"Hmm..." He quickly read the letter again. "They said they wanted us to make a suit for them. Said that they would discuss more once they're here."

~"Interesting, It has been a while since we've made a custom suit. Did you get the name of the customer?"

~William looked at the letter again to see who the suit it was for, and his eyes widened to the size of saucers as he read the name.

~"Bloody hell!" He exclaimed as he jumped from his seat.

~"What is it, brother?" You questioned as you put down your empty teacup.

~"The customer is Enji Todoroki!!!"

~"WHAT!!!" It was your turn to shout and jump up from your seat. By what chance was someone so well known as Mr. Todoroki, coming to buy a suit from your small boutique?

~"Are you serious!? You mean... the owner of the steam train factory!?" You jumped from your seat ecstatic.

Enji Todoroki was well known for his very serious and hypercritical personality, and he even made a bigger name for himself when he funded the designing and building of the newest and the fastest train in the country. You didn't really favor him for his gruff and intimidating attitude, nor did your brother, but this was an amazing opportunity to get more publicity for your business since he is, a well-known and respected man amongst the wealthy.

~"Exactly him!!!" He confirmed.

~"I can't believe this!!! This is amazing for the business if he is satisfied with the outcome of the suit!" 

~"You said it, sister." He smiled brightly.

~Just then, the doorbell rang in the main area and multiple pairs of footsteps could be heard step inside the boutique. You and William looked at each other and breathed in together, as a silent language to tell the other to 'calm down and act natural'. As though you weren't shouting just a second ago.

~William exited the back room first with you following suit with a tape measure hanging around your neck and a freshly dusted off dress.

~The actual boutique of the building wasn't anything too special nor expensive looking. In one room, there was a giant front desk with plenty of table space, the whole wall behind the desk was filled with different colored and/or patterned fabrics, the right side of the boutique had different styled dresses and suits neatly hanging on clothing racks for customers who wished to spend a bit less on looking good, and the whole left side of the store held a large mirror, a couple of couches for guests to sit on, and a folding screen for privacy.

~For rich people, it may look cheap, plain, or downright shameful. But for you and your brother, it was your pride and home.

~"Good morning Sir! Welcome to The Siblings Attire and Accessories! How may we help you, gentlemen?" William greeted the two males plus their butler.

~"When you see such a fine suit presented to you, you would think the tailor would have a better taste in furniture." Mr. Todoroki shamelessly commented and you and William internally winced. It was your first time meeting the man and you were already tempted to give him a piece of your mind. Instead, you silently exhaled and bit your lip.

~"We apologize if our shop looks a bit flimsy to your taste, but I can assure you that our clothing won't disappoint you." You stepped up next to your brother.

~"I sure hope so." You weren't listening to him, but instead, your attention shifted to the person standing a bit away from him. The male's eye-catching two-colored hair immediately caught your attention as soon as you walked into the room, and now that you had a better look at them, he seemed to have even different colored eyes.

~He also had a painful-looking scar over his left eye that somehow made his already interesting aspects look even more intriguing. Or perhaps it was a birthmark? Either way, he was handsome, you were not gonna lie.

~Clearly he didn't enjoy being near Mr. Todoroki, or maybe even here in the first place. You couldn't tell from his mildly annoyed look while he kept a fair distance. Poor man.

~"Over a week ago, I attended a ball that you also happened to be present at, and I saw your high-quality suit. I need you to make a similar one for my son Shoto. We are going to be attending another ball and he needs a new suit." He explained and the whole time he didn't even spare a glance at you, as though you weren't even there. But his son did give you a mute acknowledgment, which made you feel better.

~"Certainly. If you could come this way Mr. Todoroki, I will take your measurements." You motioned with your hand for the dual-hair-colored male to walk over to the mirror as you grabbed a notepad and a pen from a drawer. He complied and went to stand in front of the mirror.

~"Aren't you supposed to take his measurements." The older Todoroki asked your brother.

~"Um... Pardon?" He inquired back and you turned to look at the nobleman.

~"I just was just wondering. You're the one who's going to sew it after all?" You gripped the notepad in your hand tightly out of anger. Who does this man think he is to assume who's gonna make what, and expect to be right? 

~"I apologize Mr. Todoroki, but my sister was the one who tailored the suit I wore to the ball last week. So she will be making your son's suit." William corrected him nervously as you sensed the fire of anger burning behind you.

~"She will be sewing the suit?" Mr. Todoroki inquired, sounding like he believed this was some kind of a joke.

~You were very close to saying something to the bastard, but the Todoroki whose name you learned was Shoto beat you to it.

~"Shut it father, it doesn't matter. Let her just do her job." He said in an annoyed tone.

~Fortunately, Mr. Todoroki didn't have to be told twice as he let the subject go with a 'tch' and a look of irritation towards both your way. Shoto 'tch'ed in response and began to take his coat and hat off. He handed the articles of clothing to his butler and lifted his arms to let you take his measurements.

~You began to measure him and asking basic questions such as what kind of vest he wanted over his dress shirt and how long he wanted the coat to be.

~He decided on a basic five-button vest with a coat that ended at the back of his knees. He wanted no ruffles on his outfit except for the neck piece.

~"I prefer not to have them." He expressed.

~"I understand." You said as you scribbled down some notes in a hurry. "Now what fabrics do you want your suit to be made from?" You led him to the wall where you stored your fabrics. Letting him have a look at them.

~"If you don't have anything special on your mind, I can recommend some colors for you if you'd like."

~"Please do."

~"Well let's see..." You trailed off as you thought deeply. "I think this royal blue would suit you well along with white and pale gray." You grabbed the tree rolls of fabric and placed them on the counter behind you for Shoto to see how the colors looked next to each other.

"I can make the coat mainly from this royal blue, and I can add some accessories to it such as buttons or other details. The dress pants could be made from this white, and the vest from the gray. I could even add a chain for your pocket watch on the vest." You rambled as you quickly sketched a rough picture of the finished outfit.

~Shoto listened intently as you continued on explaining what would look best on him and questioned if he wanted to make any changes. He thought it was nice to have a say in what he wanted to wear, instead of it being decided for him. Every time, he'd feel uncomfortable wearing whatever the other tailors made for him, but he didn't want to waste their hard effort. Even if he did not appreciate the suit.

~This was a new experience for him and he liked it. You weren't pushing him to make the suit from the most expensive and uncomfortable materials. On the contrary, you let him feel the fabrics and then decide what he wanted.

~For once in his life, he enjoyed the suit tailoring process.

~"Oh, I apologize. I am rambling again." You looked downcast, embarrassed.

~"It's quite alright, but about the vest, could it be made from a fabric with a pattern instead?" he politely asked.

~"Of course! Which one would you prefer?" You pointed to the gray fabrics that were each differently patterned.

~"I would like that one." He pointed to a roll that was out of both of your reach.

~"Alright, let me get it for you." You spoke as you grabbed a step ladder and placed it in front of the shelf. 

~You grabbed the hem of your dress and carefully climbed up to grab the roll, but forgot how heavy the roll actually was, so you started to lose your balance on the ladder. Shoto noticed your struggle and swiftly came to your aid by grabbing the roll from the other end with one hand while the other went to your back.

~"Careful, you could fall and injure yourself." He cautioned you and you blushed slightly.

~"T-Thank you, I'll be more careful next time." You said and placed the roll on the table. 

~You continued on designing the suit while your brother William kept your other guests entertained. Soon you two came up with a plan and Shoto seemed happy with it. All of the men left the boutique shortly after with Shoto promising he'll come again later that week for the first fitting.

~For some reason, you were looking forward to meeting him again.

~"Goodness! That was intense." You sighed heavily as you sat down on the couch with your sketch-notepad on your lap.

~"Not sure what you were expecting. They are a part of the Todoroki family and they tend to thrive for perfection. So of course they would want the perfect suit." William sat next to you.

~"Still. What really made this appointment easier was that this time the customer wasn't demanding ridiculous things or asking for a lower price. They even paid the 50% upfront without even batting an eye." You recalled.

~"They know what they are doing, and as long as we do what we're paid for, we won't be having any problems." He said.

~"Talking about problems, I'm still kind of upset about what Mr. Todoroki said..."

~"I understand your issue (Name), but it's better to just let it go. We must know our place, and that is below them." He reminded you and you sighed in defeat.

~"You're right…

~~~

~The day of the first fitting came, and Shoto Todoroki walked inside the boutique accompanied by the same butler as last time, except this time his father wasn't there. 

~This fact brought some form of relief to him as he wasn't sure how much longer he could tolerate his father's presence. Every minute Shoto spent in the same room as his old man when they had guests over or when they were at some meaningless ball, Shoto would imagine a pocket watch in his mind, count down the seconds and wait until he would be allowed to leave.

~In retrospect, one could say Shoto was happy to be in the small boutique. 

~It was a perfect excuse to be away from home for an hour longer than "intended". And since he wouldn't be allowed to move out of the household until he got married, these kinds of excuses were the types he was seeking for more often than not. And he gladly took every one of them.

~The familiar soft ring of the bell a top of the door signaled his arrival and shortly footsteps jogged out of the back room. It was the male tailor, William. Shoto looked around the boutique and didn't see the other tailor.

~"Ah, Good morning Sir! If my memory's not mistaken, you came in for a first fitting, am I right?" William said with the same enthusiasm as Shoto witnessed last time. This time however William's eyes looked a bit tired, which made Shoto wonder if the man had not slept enough.

~Why would he be concerned? He too has nights when he had to be working every once in a while. It was normal, nothing too serious.

~"Yes. You don't need to rush anything, I can wait until you're done with your current work." Shoto informed while taking off his hat.

~"Oh, I am sorry if you forgot, but I'm not the one responsible for your suit. I'll see if my sister is available. Please have a seat." William responded and disappeared into the back room again. Shoto paused for a moment but then shrugged off his coat and gave it to his butler to hold. 

~That's right, how could he forget.

~The white and red-haired male made himself comfortable on the couch as he silently thought. He felt like he was lucky to have you as his tailor. You sounded so inspired, motivated, and excited as you designed his suit. People with a passion for what they did, more often performed better than those who didn't.

~And it showed on the finished product. He wanted to know more about how you worked. How passionate one could be about something. It interested him for some reason.

~A few minutes passed by and there was no sign of either of the siblings, not even a sound could be heard. He wasn't getting impatient, but rather curious about what was keeping (Name).

~He didn't need to think about it much longer when he heard rapid heel clicks coming from the back room. Soon (Name) stood in the door frame with a pile of clothing in her hands, she bowed in courtesy.

~"I apologize for the wait. I was in the middle of sewing and you apparently told William that you could wait. Oh, and how are you?" You walked over to him. Now that you stood closer, Shoto could see the similar dark circles under your eyes too. For some reason, the sight made him sad this time around.

~"No need to apologize, I am in no hurry. And I am feeling good."

~"Alright then, let's start." You placed the pile of clothing on a small round table next to the mirror and handed him the fully finished white dress shirt and pants. Shoto took them and walked behind the folding screen to change.

~ a Few minutes later, he walked out and looked himself over in front of the mirror.

~"How does it feel? Any itchy spots? Is the fitting to your liking?" You questioned. Lightly tugging his shirt to the correct places and brushing off any hair or invisible dust on his shoulders out of instinct. You didn't realize it but Shoto noticed what you were doing, but he stayed silent.

~"They suit me perfectly, and I don't feel itchy at all." He commented as he looked at himself in the mirror. He really wasn't one to admire himself when he was in front of a mirror, but this time he couldn't help but look at himself as maybe for the first time in his life he felt comfortable while also looking good.

~"So nothing needs to be changed?"

~"No." He confirmed.

~"Excellent. Now let's try the vest." You said as you walked the few steps over to the round table. "I will have to apologize, for the vest is not completely finished." You held the piece of clothing behind Shoto, gesturing that you would like for him to put it on. Shoto carefully bent his arms back and stuck his arms through the holes as you helped him to pull it on.

~The unfinished garment had strings hanging from everywhere, unsewn seams, and buttonless holes. Even so, it looked exactly like he imagined it would. The shade of grey and the patterns were very much to his liking and he could already imagine how much better it would look once the buttons were sewed on and the whole piece was tidied up.

~"I like it very much." He commented as he shifted so he could see it from different angles.

~"I'm glad it is to your liking." You nodded as you scribbled extra notes on your notepad.

~"May I ask what you are writing?" Shoto inquired curiously.

~"I'm writing some notes. Now that I see you dressed in the clothing, I now have a better picture in mind what details I can add to your jacket since it will be the most eye-catching garment out of all the others."

~Shoto stood there before the mirror, where it would have looked like he was looking at himself but in actuality, he was looking at the woman behind him in the mirror. He couldn't explain how he was still mesmerized by how much work and effort you were putting into his suit.

~In this day and age, most tailors wouldn't give way too much thought to what they were sewing. It was all about how many pieces of clothing they could sell with the least amount of time and expense because they had families to feed and couldn't afford to waste time.

~But here you were. Putting so much effort into a suit that many men like himself would only use a few, if not only once, and then have another one made.

~Shoto can't count all the times a suit was tailored for him because after he wore it once, he would throw it away, for it was too uncomfortable or it tore easily. He had a few suits that he liked, but they weren't too formal. More so for running errands and such.

~"I'm quite impressed with your commitment to your work." Shoto turned to you as you were still scribbling on the paper. You stopped as you heard him speak.

~"Pardon?" You were caught off guard by his question.

~"Don't get me wrong, I wasn't implying that I thought you would do a bad job. I'm implying that I'm surprised at how much thought you seem to put into the clothes you make." He clarified. You stood there for a moment thinking about how to respond.

~"You could say I am passionate about the suits and dresses that I make." You temporarily pocketed your notes and pencil into your dress’s pocket while gesturing for him to take off the vest. Shoto complied and gave it to you.

~"Growing up, my family didn't have enough money to buy new clothes. So I always admired all the people with gorgeous dresses and fancy suits along with decorated headpieces and hats. Only to dream to someday own such pieces of clothing myself." You recalled as you sat down on the couch and started scribbling into your notebook again.

~"My mother was always busy working around the house, so usually I along with William were the ones who patched up our family's clothes with a rusted needle. Over time I and William got quite good at sewing and made it into a small business amongst the neighbors who didn't know how to sew." You continued. 

~"As years passed and we got better at sewing, our parent's health only weakened. Before they passed, our mother told us to do what we were passionate about and to do our absolute best at it." You finished with your notes and stood up to motion to the boutique.

~"That's exactly what we did. We sold everything we owned, took a small loan, and bought this boutique and all the equipment, fabric, and necessities to open a tailoring business with all the money we had. We made a name for ourselves with the quality formal wear we sold and here we are." You finished the story with a smile, remembering all the hard times you and your brother had to endure to be where you are right now. Looking back, you didn't regret anything.

~While you sat on the couch talking away, Shoto stayed put and listened to your every word. After hearing how much you worked and endured in your life to be where you are now, he felt so intrigued by you. a Woman who became something from nothing along with her brother, while his job and fortune were practically guaranteed from the moment he was born.

~You and your brother deserve respect for working so much and sacrificing sleep for your craft, but some people don't always give any because they are wealthier. In Shoto's mind, it's pathetic. To act ungrateful and more important only because they are wealthier than the person they are buying from. 

~'How unfair.' Shoto thought. And there's nothing he could really do about it.

~"That's a very inspiring story." Shoto commented with a hint of emotion he rarely shows as he stepped behind the folding screen to change out of the clothes back to his own.

~"You think so?" You called from the other side as you folded the vest and hung it over your arm and waited for him to finish. 

~"Yes, it's very inspiring in my opinion to hear such stories. It proves that people can be worth much more than some perceive." He said and you didn't know what to say. From the moment you first saw this split-hair-colored male, you knew he would be an unusual customer. But surely you weren't expecting him to think so highly of people "lower" than him. 

~He talked with you without the usual snappish, rich people attitude, which by itself already hinted to you that he didn't care about the difference between the social classes. He didn't even seem to mind when you talked minutes upon minutes about his ordered clothes or your passion for sewing.

~'He indeed is an unusual customer.' You thought.

~"Should we arrange another time for another fitting?" Shoto inquired as he handed the clothes back to you in a neatly folded pile. You nodded to him as you took the clothes.

~"Let's do to that, I'm confident that by then I will have at least a jacket ready for you to try on, However, I can't promise if it will have any details..." You trailed off as you dug around under the front desk for an appointment book. You let out a small 'aha!' when your fingers hit the said book.

~You dug it out and opened it at the page you or William wrote last. "Hmmm, I'm free next Thursday at 8 AM." You proposed. He nodded.

~"That will work." You nodded and started writing away with the ink pen. a few seconds went by when he suddenly spoke.

~"I apologize, but could you do a small request of mine?" You looked up at him when you finished writing.

~"What were you thinking?" You inquired, closing the book in front of you.

~"Do you decorate other pieces of clothing such as top hats?" You quirked your eyebrow at the request.

~"I've done it a few times, but usually that's the hat makers job." You spoke honestly.

~"I was only thinking of something small to make it match the suit, and I already have a hat you could decorate." You thought about it.

~"Sure, you'll just have to pay a bit extra for the finished suit because I decorated the hat too." You reminded him.

~"Of course, thank you." He smiled slightly, satisfied that he managed to convince you. You blushed at the sight and you cleared your throat quietly to distract yourself.

~"Pleasure doing business with you." You said with a smile. He nodded and bid you goodbye. 

~Once Shoto stepped out of the boutique followed by his butler, whose existence you completely forgot about, you let out a loud sigh as you slumped onto the front desk. Thinking about the nice things Shoto said to you and his gentle smile.

~'What is wrong with me?' You pinched the bridge of your nose blushing as you couldn't stop your mind replaying the past half an hour in your head. You stayed there for a moment when William emerged from the back room, holding a cup of tea in his hand while the other rested in his front pocket. He must be taking a break.

~"How is it going?" He sipped at his tea.

~"Well... I have a lot of work on my hands, that's for sure."

~~~~~~~~~~

[ibijau]

The modern xisangyao I’ve been talking about yay /o/ also on AO3 (and big thanks to the xisang discord for listening to my ramblings a while back + providing a lot of ideas for this!)

Lan Xichen hangs the phone and slumps against the back of his office chair. It is unusual enough to catch the attention of his assistant who looks up from his laptop with a concerned noise.

"Something wrong?" Mo Xuanyu asks

Lan Xichen nods weakly. "It was a fake after all." 

Mo Xuanyu immediately understands what he means, and relaxes upon learning it is something he wouldn't count as important. To Lan Xichen though, it is devastating. That painting has been all he's been thinking about for weeks at this point. A lost Nie Huaisang resurfacing is always exciting for the very small circle of people who care about these things. And Lan Xichen cares, of course.

He wrote his thesis on the master, and he has a deal for a book so more people can learn about that forgotten genius. He has been called the leading expert on the Tang era scholar, though it isn't hard when hardly anyone else bothers with him. 

That's why when 'Winter moonlight in Qinghe', long thought lost to a fire early in the last century, resurfaced on the market, the buyer turned to Lan Xichen to ensure that it is the real deal. It is well known that there's a staggering number of fake Nie Huaisang paintings out there. One of many oddities about the man’s work, since his fame never rose high enough to be so eagerly copied by other artists of all periods, and his paintings have rarely sold for a price that would justify the attention of skilled forgers. 

Lan Xichen is also trying to write a paper on that, when his book and teaching leave him the time. 

It had been a treat to behold 'Winter moonlight in Qinghe'. There are no known copies of that one, only descriptions which do not do it justice. Lan Xichen could have cried at those delicate lines, fraught with inexplicable melancholy, like a last goodbye to a beloved home. 'Winter moonlight' is the last known work of Nie Huaisang before he dropped off the record, well into his eighties or possibly his nineties, and Lan Xichen did get a sense of finality upon seeing it. It wasn't just a painting, it was a farewell. 

As to its authenticity, Lan Xichen had no doubt at the time. The lines, the subject, the sense of light and darkness, everything was perfectly fitting with the master's other works. It really had to be the lost masterpiece, the culmination of a great artist’s life. Lan Xichen had only recommended further analysis to confirm it, certain that it was the true 'Winter moonlight'.

The painting's owner has just called to explain that the paper is too young by a few centuries. 

Lan Xichen is distraught to say the least. It's not that he is above mistakes, he is only human after all, but he was convinced that this painting was real. 

It's the thing with Nie Huaisang though. Not only has he attracted many counterfeiters over the centuries, they are always forgers of rare talent. 

"Well, that's disappointing," Mo Xuanyu agrees, more out of politeness than anything else. "Not really surprising though. How many fakes does it make this year?" 

"Three. No, two, 'man with rabbits' was tested last month and confirmed as being authentic after all. He painted that one in his youth so his style wasn't quite settled yet, but the paper and ink are right and it does look exactly like that copy they have in Beijin."

Mo Xuanyu rolls his eyes, and turns back to his laptop. 

"I don't know why anyone bothers with that guy's paintings," he huffs, having never shared Lan Xichen's passion for the artist. "Most of the ones we have are fake."

"The estate sale that got us those two fakes also produced several confirmed ones," Lan Xichen protests mildly. “It’s a shame 'Winter moonlight in Qinghe' turned out to be fake, but apparently ‘Mountains longing for snow’ has been confirmed as real, even if it didn’t sell. I’d give anything to have a look at that one too.”

Mo Xuanyu, who clearly lost interest in the conversation the instant he realised it was about an artist Lan Xichen has heard him describe as mediocre at best, turns his full attention back to his laptop when he sound warns him he has a new message.

“Then do that,” he mutters without conviction. “Go have a look or something.”

Lan Xichen stops breathing for a second, and stares at his assistant as if Mo Xuanyu had just handed him the key to the secret of the universe.

It is always a little awkward to contact owners of paintings once they are in private collections, and Lan Xichen has learned the hard way to avoid it. Some collectors are rather defensive, and a few don't want it publicised that they own rare art. But surely the antiquarian who currently holds those works wouldn’t mind letting him have a look? His interest in them, if publicised, could certainly create a ‘buzz’ of some sort in the small community of Nie Huaisang enthusiasts. It is for that sort of things that his little brother has convinced him to get a social media presence after all, so why not use it to his advantage?

Already recovering from his disappointment over 'Winter moonlight in Qinghe', Lan Xichen gets to work and starts looking for information about whoever currently holds those unsold paintings. It takes a surprisingly long while, but he eventually discovers that the series of paintings was bought by a man named mister Shanzi, apparently after the death of their former owner whose identity has not been revealed.

It is not the first time Lan Xichen encounters the name Shanzi. The man is a reputed antiquarian and art dealer. Part of his reputation comes from rarely ever being fooled by fakes and copies, and for often being the one to spot lost works from obscure artists. If mister Shanzi was fooled by 'Winter moonlight in Qinghe', then Lan Xichen feels a little better for his own mistake. The copy really had to be excellent.

The problem with mister Shanzi being involved is that he is not an easy man to contact. In this digital age, mister Shanzi is an art dealer without an online presence of any sort, though after some probing, Lan Xichen learns from one auction house that in recent years mister Shanzi has hired an assistant, and that young man is slightly less elusive than his employer. Not by much though, and it takes all of Lan Xichen’s persuasion and good reputation to obtain the email of that assistant.

It would be an understatement to say that the assistant in question is unhappy to have had his contact leaked to a stranger. The first email Lan Xichen gets in answer to his painfully polite enquiry is probably the most passive-agressive thing he has ever beheld, and that includes family dinner with his father and his mother’s new girlfriend. 

If it were earlier in his career, if he were a few years younger, Lan Xichen would have given up at that point, fearful to disturb. But he’s learned to fight for what he wants when it is needed, and what he wants, right now, is a chance to look at paintings he will otherwise never see unless by some miracle a museum in the country buys them… and he knows how unlikely that is. Nie Huaisang doesn’t attract the crowds and academics.

Not yet, anyway. Lan Xichen’s book will change that.

And the more of Nie Huaisang’s work he gets to see with his own eyes, the easier that book will be to write.

So Lan Xichen replies to that unpleasant email with an essay detailing his hopes of attracting attention to his work, the possibility that prices might rise in the future, but above all his interest in an artist who deserves to be admired along with more famous names.

To his surprise, it works.

Mister Shanzi’s assistant’s reply states that he also has deep admiration for the forgotten master, and that his employer has a private collection of Nie Huaisang’s works. He is unsure whether mister Shanzi would be willing to show those, since they are stored in his own home, but perhaps an arrangement could be made. Hopefully, Lan Xichen might agree to meet in a few days at a café near the university where he works, so that they can more easily discuss what he would need for his book.

Lan Xichen readily agrees, and the day of their meeting cannot come soon enough.

When it does come, at last, Lan Xichen is almost half an hour early at the café. He tries, at first, to grade some essays from a class he teaches, but quickly finds that he cannot focus on that at the moment. It is ridiculous to be so nervous over this, he’s met with plenty of antiquarians and art dealers before, he’s been invited to check private collections as well, but on that late afternoon, his skin is buzzing with excitement, as if he were on the verge of something extraordinary.

That excitement spikes up when an elegant young man enters the café, browsing the table with searching eyes, only to smile when he spots Lan Xichen. The young man, who might be one of the most beautiful people Lan Xichen has ever seen, quickly gives him a short bow.

“You must be Lan Xichen?” he asks.

Lan Xichen can only nod, and gestures to invite the gorgeous stranger to sit across from him.

"I'm mister Shanzi’s assistant,” the other man says as he takes a seat. “Meng Yao, at your service."

[dreamiesdotcom]

complicated (slow spin-off) | z.cl, h.rj

Summary: Think of heartbeat, only a little faster. And more demanding. Afraid? Hurt? In love? How different are they supposed to feel? Free fall. Stardust. Rose. "Perhaps, everyone just falls in love with their best friend," Renjun drawls out, "Even just a little bit, from time to time."

Word Count: 2.9k

All Renjun ever wanted was peace, an alien friend, and a book that hits him right in the gut.

The thing Jaemin does where he's hopelessly in love? None of that — they're almost always falling for each other in such different times that they never align, and when they do overlap, one's feelings is already dying down.

The thing that Jisung does where he looks at Jaemin like he's terrified? Terrified because of how much he loves him in the way he shouldn't? Yeah, Renjun wants none of that as well.

Chenle, too — this boy, how Renjun doesn't want to feel whatever hell it is Chenle goes through every day.

Watching the boy you adore, who happens to be your best friend, fall in love with your other best friend who's in love with your other best friend just sounds like an experience he doesn't want to have. Pining is one thing. Pining this aimlessly is another.

Looking through a classmate's camera as he finds the shot the other asked him to look for? A whole new level of complicated feelings and friendships and he doesn't even want to know. They have a project and that's about his business — so he doesn't judge nor pry, but he chuckles, "Jeno-ssi, did you give me the wrong camera, or am I only supposed to see candids of Donghyuck?"

Jeno blushes red, stutters an apology. He fiddles with his gadget a bit, messing with cards. For the meanwhile, Renjun decides to go and buy coffee for the both of them. It's trouble, really, since he already can't feel his legs from sitting so long but then it might be for the better.

It's less of a drag from when the other sweetly mutters a thank you, and it's a pity that Renjun didn't really get to focus on that.

"Hey, you're welcome and sorry to interrupt you but... Jeno?" he squints at the street outside. He carefully, slowly, sits back down on his chair and gets a clearer view — he can't believe the sight in front of him. He calls the other again, "Am I seeing this wrong, or is that Lee Donghyuck?"

Jeno raises a brow and looks to the side, the park opposite the store they're sitting at — certainly, at 3 a.m in the morning, the boy at question is there. He's walking past streetlights, a cup of coffee in his hands, and now he just sat at the swings.

Now, Renjun isn't his friend; he's not interested in him one bit, but he's not blind either. At one glance he knows that Jeno likes Hyuck, and at one glance, he knows that the person at the park is definitely the said boy.

Again, that's not his business, but that's also not what he's looking at.

Lee Donghyuck seems to be giggling, the brightest smile on his face as he gently swings — only he's not alone. He's with a very familiar person, one of Renjun's best friends, the subject of Na Jaemin's love.

"Uh. Yeah," Jeno nods, turning his head back to his laptop one beat late. He hands Renjun the camera, this time with the appropriate card. Renjun doesn't miss the dull sparkle in his eyes as he forces out a laugh, "Let's get back to work?"

They're not particularly close friends, so Jeno's feelings are not his business; he doesn't think he should even know about it, but hey, it's either that he wasn't so discreet or that Renjun's just observant — it's not his fault that he hesitates a bit, especially when Jeno blinks away his tears like that.

He doesn't want to make it awkward, still, so he nods.

Questions flood his mind as they work silently, questions much like 'Why do people do this to themselves? Of all the people you'd fall for, why your best friend? Is it because you're always close? Is it the mutual understanding?' He doesn't understand at all — looking at Jeno, he's really, well, an elegant person. Not to mention, kind as well. To be realistic, most people fall in love with looks at first so no doubt people adore Jeno, and yet... yet he's here, waiting on a possibly unreturned affection.

But then to consider, Jisung is stunning. That didn't make Jaemin love him the same way. What the hell is this mess?

"It's already 4:30, so what do you say we head home now?" Jeno proposes, and he snaps out of his stupor. Renjun absentmindedly nods.

They walk side by side in peaceful quiet until they part to the direction of their own homes. Before he reaches his, he remembers the pictures from Jeno's camera: snapshots of Donghyuck's sweet smile occupies the camera's memory — one where he's dressed up as an angel, one where his eyelids glimmer of gold eyeshadow and glitters, many of where he's laughing and not looking at Jeno's direction. Some of where he's wistfully staring at his phone.

It kind of reminds him of Jaemin to Y/N, or Jisung to Jaemin, or Chenle to Jisung. Now, whenever he looks at lines that never meet, he'd think of Jeno and Donghyuck as well — because Jeno doesn't need to say it, but his eyes do the work for him. Renjun doesn't need words to figure out that Jeno's in love.

Renjun worries about him a little.

####

Whenever something intriguing happens, he's almost always accidentally there — back then, when he and Jeno saw Hyuck and Y/N, and now, standing a few meters away from Chenle and Jisung.

He doesn't understand — all he wanted was peace, an alien friend, and a book that hits him right in the gut. Watching his friends do this thing they're so bad at is easily not something he signed up for.

He could look away. He could turn and walk the other way since obviously, Jisung and Chenle would feel awkward if they realized he's there, but then he heard it. Chenle's question. It makes his heart miss a beat.

"How many times are you gonna keep on breaking your heart?"

Renjun furrows his brow. Could Chenle even answer his own question? It's all too ironic. It's none of his business, but it's all too ironic.

He realizes at that incredibly strange moment that Jisung and Chenle appeared like a movie scene, or a drama, whatever works. Something in the way they stand in front of each other is oddly pleasing, an aesthetic so hard to get enough of. If not for the anguish in Jisung's eyes as he falls on Chenle's arms, Renjun would say that it's the perfect sight.

Before all of that, Jisung had smiled and answered the other's question: "How many times can your heart break for the person you love?"

Chenle only stretched his arms as a reply, an invitation for a consoling hug. "Never too much," he wanted to say.

Renjun could see.

How in the world they don't notice him there, Renjun doesn't know. By now, he figures he should be used to his friends being dense. He means, well, they had these feelings for each other for as long as he can remember and if Huang Renjun, Mr. It's-None-Of-My-Business-So-I-Didn't-Know, noticed whatever the hell this mess is, surely they should've known long ago, right?

Chenle stands there alone. Jisung must've left earlier during the time he spent spacing out. He stands behind the other, a reasonable distance away so he still doesn't figure out he's there. He waits for him to resume walking; for five minutes, he doesn't. Renjun makes himself known by rushing and cheerily slinging an arm on the other boy.

"Hey, Zhong Chenle, whatever it is you've been doing these days, how did it go?"

"Same old, I'm amazing," he airily says, startled but comforted at the knowledge that it's a friend and not someone trying to kill him. "Haechan hyung wrote a song. I'm certain it's for Y/N."

"Really? That's sweet," Renjun can just begin to imagine the blush at that friend's cheeks if Donghyuck decides to sing the song on the school showcase. It should be a fun night for them! Jisung is performing, Chenle too, Jaemin as well... his smile dies down a little at the other's name.

"But... Jaemin, though."

It's something he shouldn't know — pretty sure Jaemin thinks nobody knows about his feelings, but then again, how can he hide anything from anyone when he looks at that person with hearts for eyes?

"Yeah. I'm worried for Jaemin hyung and Jisung," the younger wistfully sighs, tugging the other to walk on his pace. He sighs again. "You know how he is."

"I do. In fact, I'm worried about all of you," Renjun hums. Chenle raises a brow, but Renjun makes note of the split-second panic in the younger's mask of faux confidence. Renjun smiles, "I'm worried about you, Chenle-ah."

He makes an odd sound aiming at nonchalance, and it scares him how natural he sounded as he fakes a laugh. He slings an arm on Renjun, making them walk the opposite direction of where they should be going, "You've been working hard and you're saying nonsense now. Let me just treat you ice cream — trust me, hyung, you need it."

The older of the two sighs and decides to let it go. Before that, though, Chenle smiled at him and shook his head, "What's there to worry about me?"

Internally, Renjun wanted to pull him into a hug. In his mind, he'd held his friend and answered, the heartbreak you feel in silence.

###

Back then, Jaemin told Renjun something very interesting — something about the way he glances at people.

As an example, Jaemin had said then that Renjun looks at Y/N like he does to his favorite book, full with wonder — Do you know how loved you are? How many people love you... how many hearts broke for you... how beautiful and conflicted you are — and well, he agrees. He does feel like that.

Jaemin said Renjun looked at both him and Jisung like twin stars, as if the world is never correct unless they're side by side. One is always beside the other, even when one is shrouded behind clouds.

Secretly, Renjun disagreed: he feels like he looks at them like a scene that was supposed to be but never was. An accidental masterpiece that never occurred because the artist was too careful.

Jaemin said Renjun looked at his almost acquaintance Jeno with a strange kind of familiarity, like they knew each other for several lifetimes but never dared to actually get to know each other; he stared at him as if they were identical. As if somewhere in the boy with hopeless love beating in his heart is a part he relates to.

But Chenle... Jaemin said he looked at Chenle like his heart broke. He didn't go into detail, he refused to, and it left him confused.

A year, seven months, and two weeks from that event, Renjun realizes just why, and he figures out that after all, most things in life are not a choice. Maybe that's why people continue to adore hopeless cases.

All Renjun ever wanted was peace, an alien friend, and a book that hits him right in the gut. He never asked to realize that all those years, he refused to acknowledge something, a big part of him. He never asked to be one of those people who couldn't control their feelings.

"You were a dream that shined brightly above me..." Renjun reads, the words more saccharine and dreamy when it's spoken in his voice, "and just like the fate of a gazer and a star, you are so far from my reach. But still, you've had me at first sight, and all I wanted was for gravity to let me fall from Earth and then into your hold— this doesn't even make sense."

"Yeah, but only because you skipped to that chapter, dummy." Chenle grumbles, stealing back his book, "These are references. They're referencing to the past events you didn't get to read."

"Yeah, but still. It's unrequited love." Renjun answers, "It's way too complicated for me."

The wind blows, an addition to the cold lingering in the air. Jaemin isn't present tonight as he's dealing with the consequences of procrastinating essays for weeks, so naturally, his best friend Y/N should be there too. Renjun wishes no heartbreak to his pure, lovesick heart — something in him knows that it's where everything will lead to, but he hopes it'll go easy on him. Jaemin deserved the world, none of the painful side of it.

Jisung didn't come today, too. He's busy with his performance, perfecting every snap and every turn, every single move that completes his routine. Maybe it's a diversion for him. Renjun prays he doesn't overwork himself, and he hopes the younger doesn't go harsh on himself, he hopes he doesn't beat himself up for falling for someone who was too busy hoping to catch somebody else.

Jisung deserved the world, as well. All of his friends did. Renjun finds himself quickly growing fond of them all from their most lovable traits down to their unnoticeable flaws. He loves them all each a different way, all with the same intensity.

This one, though. This one might just be a little too special.

A deep frown leaves him as he decides to lay down the grass he's previously been sitting on, and Chenle bemusedly laughs, a small sound compared to his usual.

"You're smart. That's why everything is way too complicated for you."

And it's there again, the longing in his gaze, the one Renjun knows is for someone else. The omnipresent feeling of telltale heartache signs floats around him like lustrous fireballs, but the boy beside him seems iridescent, each a different color on every side. If Renjun closes his eyes long enough, he could just imagine himself having control and not fading at the sight of every view.

"You know, don't you?" Chenle asks, turning his head away from the other and staring up at the sky instead. He compares to an epic painting. "I'm in love with Jisung."

"And Jisung is in love with Jaemin, Jaemin who is in love with Y/N," he adds in affirmation, knowing it's what Chenle wants to hear but his mind is far away from being lucid to that thought.

In his mind, he adds, but me? Do you know that I'm in love with you? He shakes that thought away, "I know. I know you guys, and it's not hard to see."

Carefully, Renjun adds, "The words each of you refuse to say... they're in your eyes. All the time."

With him laying down like this, the other resembles the Little Prince from the book Renjun always loved. His blonde hair sways with the wind and the things it does to Renjun makes him heady of stars. Chenle shrugs, "I thought you'd be mad. It could've ruined our friendship."

Think of heartbeat, only a little faster. And more demanding. Afraid? Hurt? In love? How different are they supposed to feel? Free fall. Stardust. Rose.

"Perhaps, everyone just falls in love with their best friend," Renjun drawls out, "Even just a little bit, from time to time."

Now, he gets a little bit of what Jaemin was trying to say but refused to explain: Renjun looked at Chenle like his heart broke. He looked at him like that, and a thousand more unsaid ways he didn't even know existed. He looks at him like all he wanted to do was tell him his feelings, but he was so afraid. He looked at him like he's afraid that he won't fall in love as hard as this anymore, like he's scared that one day he'd be unable to adore someone romantically because they're not this boy, his greatest love.

He looks at him like all he wanted was a sight so beautiful he overlooks the other, and arms so warm he doesn't seek this one-sided fire, like he craves for a drink that'll burn away the confessions stuck on his throat and trapped on his lips.

He looks at the boy he loves with lenses of blue, that in a way where he isn't really sure if he wanted to forget or remember. All that he knew was he wanted to be loved.

Chenle chuckles again, but this time he lets himself fall down and lay beside Renjun. He reaches his hands to the stars, dwelling on how much smaller he is than these speckles of lights, and swears on each and every one of them — "Friends forever?"

"Best friends," Renjun corrects. "You, me, Y/N, Jaemin, Jisung — best friends forever."

And he said it a hundred times, he wants to say it a million more. He wouldn't wish any other way for all of them but always; there is so much he wants to share, so many things he wants to experience with all of them.

They're best friends forever, they've said that a hundred times. He wants to say it a million more.

But somehow, sitting underneath the stars with only his favorite book and Zhong Chenle beside him, it doesn't feel right.

It doesn't feel right to be just best of friends.