#can you imagine the amount of literal physical and mental pain she's in??

[insanityisfine]

Lowkey pissed at how erectyle dysfunction has become commonly known across several languages as "impotence".

Like.

I'm sure it's incredibly frustrating and alarming and worrying, especially if it happens to someone younger. I'm not trying to minimize that.

But do you know what impotence feels like?

It's despair, it's understanding why Sysyphus' punishement was insanely cruel well beyond physical fatigue.

It's seeing someone you love suffer and knowing there's literally nothing you can do to help, not even hold or confort them, because they're in so much pain there's no possible relief. There's no meds you can buy that haven't already been bought, there's no appointments you can make that you haven't made already.

You have done something, hell, you've done all you possibly could. And it still changed nothing. All you have left to do is wait. And it kills you. Ever. So. Slowly.

That's impotence.

[changetyre]

How long? II Lando Norris X Reader ⓈⒾ

SUMMARY: Finding your soulmate doesn't always include a happy ending.

WARNINGS: Angst Angst Angst with a sprinkle of fluff. Sickness, death.

A/N: This is a story I wrote a while ago for Wattpad and which I always loved but reading it back now there's been things I've wanted to adjust which is what I chose to do here ;)

Lando POV II 

"Tell me about her," she asked me passing me back our photo. 

I looked at it, my thumb grazing over her in the picture I kept in my wallet.

_____

Y/N POV II 

Lando and I've been together ever since I can remember. We met when we were only toddlers and became inseparable ever since. We both knew in our hearts how much we meant to each other, we knew that we couldn't live without each other. However, another part of us, and everyone around us, told us there would come a point where we'd meet other people.

And we did meet other people, in fact when I went to college and Lando joined F1 we both decided to try to date others and it was the most miserable time in both our lives. Which only reinforced our feelings, we were irrevocably in love.

We were aware that we were a very cheesy couple, the kind of people who just didn't care when people were around us and loved to show our love for one another no matter the time and/or place. We were the kind of couple to gift each other little things and have dinner dates every week. Land never failed to bring me flowers every weekend since we started dating.

Life felt like a dream when we were around each other, we literally felt like we were in the clouds, floating in our own bubble of love. But it didn't take long before it burst. 

Given the amount of time Lando and I had spent together we had discussed anything you could possibly imagine and despite some thinking this was a horrible and selfish thought, when Lando and I talked about losing one another, we always thought he would go first...simply because of his job.

What Lando didn't know though was that every night and every time Lando went on track I would pray, pray for his safety, pray for his health, pray that if one of us had to go...for it to be me...because I could simply not live a life without him...the single thought made me choke up. 

'Be careful what you wish for.'

One year ago I was diagnosed with Breast cancer. For some reason the news didn't come to me as much of a shock as I thought, it was like something in my mind and body had expected this, had somehow mentally prepared me for it. On the other hand, I could tell how much this devastated Lando, so much he'd set his mind on quitting F1 to care for me which I had to practically force him not to. 

We had caught it early on and I only needed a few weeks of chemotherapy. Luckily the news came at the end of Lando's season, he would be home and he wouldn't get distracted on track.

Chemo was worse than anyone had ever described to me, it felt like I'd been completely stripped away from my own body and I was miserable but I knew I had to get through it, I tried to keep a smile all the way through it, for Lando, but I knew he could see right through me and he had as many sleepless nights as I did through it all.

Finally the last week of Chemo, everything was better. Lando was certainly brighter than before although I could tell he was still worried, I could see it in his eyes. Every time I'd say I was tired, huff, breath abnormally, or complain about any sort of pain I could tell Lando's heart skipped a beat.

It annoyed me at first because he constantly hovered, but I never said anything and eventually, I understood. I knew that if I was in his shoes I'd be exactly the same and now I found myself wondering whether I'd wished for the right position to be in because even though I was in pain physically...Lando was in pain too, even more than I was...and it broke my heart to see him go through it.

Now I wanted the season to start more than ever so Lando could put his focus and worry somewhere else other than me, and even though I worried that he might have an accident because of all this distraction I knew how much he adored driving and it was what he needed. 

The start of the season went well, not as good as we expected but it was good enough and the boys still had the rest of the season left.

I was with Lando in Monaco for the race, I was so excited about having him race here in Monaco since we'd recently bought our apartment here and we hadn't been able to enjoy it because of my treatments. 

It seemed like things were finally getting back to normal, Lando and I were floating back up in the clouds again and we were finally finding our rhythm again...it was almost too good to be true. 

I was home making dinner for Lando and me, he'd texted he was almost home and I'd decided to make some food for us. The whole day I'd noticed I was particularly exhausted and I kept running out of breath doing simple things. I had just set the table when all of a sudden it felt like my lungs had disappeared.

I dropped to the ground in pain gasping with all my power for some air. I thought I was going to die right there and then all until I heard the door open.

"Y/N!" I heard Lando's panicked scream. "LOVE!"

He pulled me up and turned me towards him, I clutched my chest. "I can't breathe." I wheezed.

"SOMEONE HELP ME!" He screamed out.

And eventually, for me, everything went black.

__

I woke up on an all too familiar surface. I was in a hospital bed, all sorts of tubes and needles attached to me. I looked for Lando and saw he was outside talking to the doctor, I could see him through the window.

Lando was facing my way while the doctor's back was towards me. I could tell it was a serious conversation and as much as I tried to deny it I knew what was happening. The cancer was back...and this time it wasn't going away.

I saw the anger and pain in Lando's eyes as the doctor spoke to him, he argued. I imagined he kept asking for a solution that simply didn't exist. Lando held his tears in all until he locked eyes with me. I gave him a look letting him know it was okay, I knew and that was enough for him to break down.

The doctor simply patted his shoulder before walking away. Lando walked to the room wiping his tears away as best as he could. Once he came in I could tell he didn't know what to say.

"It's back-" he spoke in barely above a whisper. 

"I know baby." I opened my arms for him and he broke down in tears again. I cried with him, not because of my pain but because of his.

"How long?" I asked him after a few minutes.

Lando kept his head buried in my chest but I could feel him shaking his head.

"Baby how long?" I repeated the question.

His head finally rose up, his eyes were swollen and the tears just kept coming. "They're not sure, he says it could be 6 months or a week." Lando's voice broke at the last words before he buried his face in my chest once more except this time he wrapped his arms around me holding me tightly as if I could slip away at any second.

"I love you..." he wept "I'm so sorry." these last words shattered me.

"I'm sorry too...I love you." I whispered to him as I kissed the top of his head.

"Baby I'm scared-" he whispered into my chest. 

I didn't exactly know how to comfort him, I let Lando cry it out as much as he needed to while I tried to remain strong, I found myself pondering over how I felt, I wasn't scared but I was in pain, and I was so miserable for leaving Lando like this, we definitely didn't have enough time together.

___

The next morning once Lando had come back into my room with a cup of coffee I decided it was time to talk about the next step. I knew deep down Lando still wanted to push for a cure that simply didn't exist but I also knew I didn't want to spend another second stuck in these hideous grey walls.

"Baby I want to get out here," I spoke. I was prepared for a discussion.

Lando simply looked down and gave a shaky sigh. "I know...and I'll get you out." his lip quivered and I could see tears brimming up in his eyes again.

"You're not going to ask me to stay?" I needed confirmation.

Lando got up and walked over to me, he scooted me over and sat down on the bed. "The day I met you-" he took a deep breath trying to keep himself together. "I made a promise to myself that I would do everything in my power to make you happy no matter what-" a tear slipped down his cheek. "I hope you know that if it was possible I'd take your place right now because seeing you like this..." another tear fell down his cheek. "it's been hell." I placed my hand on his cheek caressing it, I was crying too. "But I know you better than anyone and I know that you're not the kind of person to go out in a hospital room and I know you want to do as much as you can before you-" he stopped himself and his breath hitched. He couldn't say it.

"You're right." I quickly said not wanting him to finish because I could tell how hard it was for him. "I want to spend every second I have left with you, with the people I love, out of here." His lip quivered again as more tears left his eyes.

"Let's go then." Lando got back up starting to pack my things.

The news spread through the F1 world fairly quickly and I was flooded with pitiful messages all over my social media. Lando's friends from work who I'd grown close to didn't know what to say when I showed up in the paddock with them for the Monaco GP. Most of them simply gave me glances that spoke a thousand words.

Carlos, Alex, George, and Charles had all been incapable of holding their tears back as they saw me, giving me a hug that only existed for these situations.

After the Monaco GP, Lando and I found ourselves going to our favorite spots within Monaco, I was tired, so tired and I could feel death inching closer every day but I held on, I held on because...I knew he wasn't ready...I wasn't ready.

One morning I woke up to find Lando had planned a whole day for us and it all started at home. I'd walked to the living room to find Lando had prepared a very scrumptious breakfast. And he'd decorated our balcony with roses and candles.

We walked to it and there Lando got down on one knee, pulling out a small black box, which he opened to reveal a ring. My hands flew up to my mouth, I had always dreamed of this day but certainly not like this.

"My dearest y/n, I've imagined this very day over a thousand times in my head and I've come up with hundreds of speeches for this very occasion but it seems none of them would work for what we're going through now." His voice broke. "You have been the first and only woman in my life I have ever loved, you have been my best friend since day one, you've been my rock, my world, my everything and I simply do not want to spend another day not being able to call you my wife...so y/n, my love will you marry me?" I could tell he sped up the last bit to hold his tears back.

"Yes." I let him slip the ring on my finger before he rose up and we engulfed each other in a deep kiss.

"Propose...check" he pretended to hold a list and checked off the first point making me laugh.

"So what's next my fiancé," I asked him.

"Well, why don't we get going and I'll show you...my fiancé." he gave me another kiss.

Lando took me shopping for a bit before he drove us both back home. I'd noticed something else had been set up and once I walked into our room I found a wedding dress hanging in our closet. I gasped admiring the dress, it was simple but beautiful.

"Pietra helped me pick it out for you, we tried getting a more over-the-top one but apparently you can't just buy dresses like that overnight." he shrugged.

"It's beautiful." you admired the dress.

"Well you better get dressed, and I'll do the same. I'm going to get dressed somewhere else and when the time comes your driver will be here." he winked.

"Wait what?" I was confused.

"Just be ready in 2 hours...I love you." he gave me a quick peck on the lips before walking out. I got dressed and ready as best as I could with the time I had left, I did a simple hairstyle, partly because I was never good at doing my hair and partly because I barely had the strength to keep my arms up for longer than 3 seconds. 

20 minutes before the 2 hours were up I heard a knock at the door. I opened it and Pietra, Alexandra, Lily, and Carmen were all standing there in matching dresses. You looked at them confused but on the brink of tears because of how beautiful they looked.  "Did I die already?" I joked, and they laughed but I could tell the thought pained them. 

"You look beautiful." P had to pat her eyes as she looked at me. I had naturally grown closest to her because of the brotherhood between Max and Lando. 

"Thank you for doing this?" I had to hold my tears back too. 

"Let's go." Alex and Lily extended their hands out for me and I took them walking out with them. We walked downstairs and Carlos was waiting in an Aston Martin DB6 Volante, that had been decorated with white flowers. 

We arrive at the beach to find it prepared for a ceremony, all of Lando's friends from the paddock and his friends from Quadrant were there, as well as both our parents. I just about started crying there and then. 

I got out of the car and Carlos stood there offering me his arm guiding me to one end of the carpet that had been rolled out. I saw Lando at the other end and tears quickly brimmed my eyes. As soon as he laid eyes on me it didn't take him half a second before he started crying too, Max Fewtrell quickly stepped in to hand him a handkerchief even though he was shedding a few tears too.

Without You by Harry Nilson started playing, and it was enough for me to let my tears run free. Carmen handed me a bouquet of roses and I began walking down the aisle, and for some reason, all my strength seemed to leave me right there and then. 

I stumbled causing everyone to try to jump forward to grab me, My mom caught me, I could see the concern and the pain in her eyes but she also understood I needed to keep going. She wrapped her arm around my waist and helped me down the aisle. 

And now it's only fair that I should let you know what you should know...I can't live, if living is without you...I can't live, I can't give anymore. 

The song reached this part just as I reached him, he wrapped his arms around me, letting his forehead rest on mine. 

"You look beautiful." he sniffled. 

I placed my hand on his cheek before placing a gentle kiss to his forehead. "Let's get married," I whispered to him. 

The ceremony was short, Lando had wanted to arrive at the vows quickly and once we did he pulled out a sheet of paper, a tear was already rolling down his cheek. 

"My best friend, my rock, my first love, my only love, my life, my world, my everything, these words don't come remotely close to describing what you are to me. I hope you know I consider myself the luckiest man on earth to have met you, to have loved you, to have cared for you, and to have married you-" he chocked up. "But although I thought it was impossible...as much as I feel the luckiest man...I feel the unluckiest too." he looked up to meet my eyes completely distraught. "It's unfair the world is taking you away from me when our love story has only just begun, all the dreams, all the plans, all the promises I have yet to fulfill to you will stay here while you will go." he gulped down, he had a knot in his throat. "I will cherish, love, and protect you for the rest of the time we have left together, I will continue bringing you flowers every weekend, I'll wake you up with kisses in the morning, I'll make you smile and laugh every day, and most importantly I will, with all my power, do my best to keep you happy." he finished. 

I leaned forward giving him a long kiss on the cheek, now it was my turn and since this was all unexpected I hadn't prepared anything but already had enough to say. 

"My Lando...you have made me the happiest woman on earth since the day I met you. You are the most loyal, hardworking, loving, fun man I have ever known and I consider myself the luckiest woman on earth to have fallen in love with you. And the luckiest woman for you will be the first, last, and only man I will ever love." Lando's lips quivered as I said those words, a sob escaping his lips. "I will forever be sorry that we didn't get more time together, that I couldn't give you what we had so long hoped for, a life, kids, to grow old together." I cleared my throat having to compose myself. "I wish there was more I could do to keep you happy in the time I have left my darling, I can't promise you much, but I promise that I will love you with every fiber of my body and soul until my last breath." I ended. 

We were pronounced husband and wife and Lando pulled me in for a long deep kiss, mixed with both our tears. 

It was the most perfect day of my life, surrounded by so much love from our families and friends, surrounded by so much happiness. Once the moon was out and the tide started rising things started getting packed up but Lando and I decided to take a walk along the beach. 

We walked in silence, simply appreciating and cherishing each other's company. Once we were nearing the end of the beach I had to speak about what was on my mind. 

"Lando." I started. 

"No." he immediately replied. 

"Baby-" I was going to keep going. 

"I know what you're going to say and you can't ask me that-" he spoke softly but I could hear the anger and hurt in his voice. 

"Lando listen to me please-" I stopped making Lando turn to me. He looked down and he was crying silent tears. "After I'm gone I need you to promise me you will keep going no matter how hard or painful it is...I want you to give your career 1000% percent like you always have...and someday whenever you're ready I want you to find someone who will make you happy, who will take care of you, who you will fall in love with and start a family with-" I spoke clearly, this was a thought I'd head since the first time I'd found out I was sick. 

"No, I can't." He replied sniffling. 

"Yes you can and you will," I assured him. 

"How will I ever love someone as I love you..." he locked eyes with me. 

"I'm not asking you to love someone as you love me. But you will learn to love again, I just want you to promise you will not shut yourself out, you need to keep going...for me." I walked up to him, wrapping my arms around his neck, with one hand I wiped the tears from under his eyes. 

He looked at me unsure and simply nodded, I knew he didn't mean it right now but it was as much reassurance as I would get from him for now. 

"I'll never find anyone like you." He spoke once we'd started walking back. 

"Maybe not, but you will find someone, there's plenty of women out there Lando, amazing, beautiful, incredibly talented women and I'm sure there's someone else for you." the mood had livened up a little bit. 

____

LANDO POV II 

The next morning I woke up...she didn't. She'd passed in her sleep, in my arms. A smile was still on her lips. I knew she was gone but I still tried to wake her, I still needed her to wake up.

I was inconsolable for months after her death, and my friends and my family had to help me back to my feet. Literally, because it was as though all my strength, all my will to live had died with her that day.

"She made me promise her that I would find someone else, that I'd fall in love again." I stifled a laugh remembering our walk at the beach. 

"She sounds like an amazing woman." She commented. She had a very genuine smile. 

"She was...I never met anyone like her." I sighed, that ache in my heart was still very present but bearable now.

_____________

Bonus A/N: 

If it serves as any consolation I cried my eyes out writing this story. . 

[clownery-and-fuckery]

I just. The theme of guilt. In Hunter. And Wrecker. And Crosshair. These three specifically.

Hunter is the one who calls the final shot. Makes the final decision. It's his word.

He had to make them leave Crosshair on Kamino. He had to make them work for Cid on dangerous mission after dangerous mission. He had to make Tech leave him behind. He had to choose not to trust Crosshair. He had to choose to let them sit in watertight chambers they didn't know would work. He had to make them leave Crosshair again. Hunter picks and chooses everything. He has to make the calls. He has to pull through. He has to prioritise.

He helped Tech get on top the rail cart.

Do you ever wonder how many times these decisions play through his head? The amount of sleepless nights, tossing and turning, thinking over and over about what he could have changed? Could have fixed? He could have saved Crosshair from the beginning, he could have avoided Cid. He could have found Phee and Pabu another way, he could have stayed with Rex. Things didn't need to happen the way they did.

Tech didn't have to die. Crosshair didn't have to be stuck with Hemlock.

These are the things Hunter mulls over, countless nights, days, hours, spent thinking of what could he have done different? He'll never be able to go back. He'll never be able to change.

He barely got to teach Omega anything. She, full of life, full of joy and wonder, lost to monsters Hunter was supposed to protect her from. And in the end, Omega was lost trying to protect him.

Him, who could hardly keep his brothers from falling other the edge. Literally and figuratively.

Hunter's lost everything. And he can only blame himself.

And Wrecker, sweet Wrecker. Wrecker who fought through the chips control for days. Who struggled and choked back every little instinct until it was physically impossible. Who, while holding his brother in a death grip, fought with everything he had not to kill him. It would have been so simple for him. Wrecker thinks about just how simple far too much for his liking.

Wrecker thinks about how easily he went through them. How easy it was to knock them down and beat them. Wrecker could have ended the entire squad, and no one would've ever known. Wrecker didn't even need his second hand. He thinks about that constantly.

He thinks about how hard everyone else seems to have it. How stressed Hunter is, how angry Echo became, how Tech always put himself into trouble. How Omega had begun to notice the troubles of the galaxy, and the struggle she would always have. Wrecker couldn't protect them, not from that. He tried, truly he did.

Everything from physically to mentally. Watching their backs to comforting them. Shouldering weight when he could, anything to ease the stress, to quell the pain. His strength stretched thin wasn't enough. Crosshair never came back. Echo left to fight without him. Hunter let them leave Pabu. Tech fell.

Wreckers fear had always stemmed from falling. He never imagined he'd fail to catch any of his brothers. He couldn't do anything but watch, shouldered to the side again. His strength wasn't enough again. Wrecker doesn't know what he is if not his strength.

It kills him, not knowing. Being so useless when he's meant to be in his element.

I guarantee he regrets not listening more. Not paying enough attention. Not realising just how much he'd miss it. The silence gives him time to simmer. Wrecker misses the days he didn't know that would happen.

Oh, Crosshair. I have not forgotten him.

Crosshair has watched himself hurt his brothers for maybe months. He's watched himself hunt his brothers like they were animals. All he wanted was for them to be together again. He had no idea the price was so large.

He can't separate himself from the chip. He can't separate himself from the clone that shot his brother in the arm. From the clone that almost incinerated his brothers with an ion engine. With the clone that, despite wanting to be whole, couldn't bring himself to bend his own twisted morality for them. His brothers. Who he had convinced himself he'd done all this for. He spilt this blood for them.

Why couldn't he care for them normally? Crosshair questions that every day.

Why could he care more for a reg than his own brothers? They left because he didn't want to go with them. His loyalty drove them away. And it was that loyalty that drew them back in. Drew his brother to his death. Drew Omega to the last place Crosshair wanted her to be.

He tried to make up for it, and now everything's worse than before. To Crosshair, he's once again brought about an end to their lives. He's tainted, ripped apart another part of them.

Crosshair is the reason they had to run. They could have pretended. Crosshair wouldn't have given them up. Ever. Yet his selfishness, his own personal vendettas pushed them away. Crosshair hasn't even thought to blame the system they tried to save him from.

Now, he's living with the consequences of his attempts at saving their lives. They'll never know how hard he fought for them, all they'll ever know is what happened because of it. What happened because of brotherly devotion.

Crosshair won't be able to fathom that Tech was a result of shared adoration. He'll only see it as another failure on his part. As everything he's ever done has been.

I just- guilt and the bad batch. The way its woven into their souls. It hurts me so much.

[audreyscribes]

How are Hestia's Flamekeepers (I'm going to call them that because it sounds so cool!) and Artemis's Hunters different? What abilities do Flamekeepers have from Hestia's Blessing?

I sort of eluded to Hestia’s Flamekeepers abilities in my story “Carry on My Wayward Child” with the Reader’s aunt being Hestia’s Priestess/Flameskeeper and the reader becoming one at the end, but here we go into more depth-

To start off, Hestia and in turn, Hestia’s Flamekeepers revolve around the hearth, home, place of belonging, family, bonds, and so forth; while Artemis’ revolve around sisterhood, maidenhood, wilderness, and hunting. 

So aside from the sisterhood and shared maidenhood, swearing off romantic love, etc… they’re plenty different in terms of aspects.  As a general differences between it’s like to be Hestia’s Priestesses from Artemis’ Huntresses:

I would say that unlike Artemis’ hunters, the Flamekeepers are non-combatants; matching with Hestia’s non-confrontational nature. While the Huntresses are out hunting monsters and moving at Artemis’ will, the Flamekeepers are back at home, places of refuge, maintaining it and keeping those there safe. Instead, I think the Flameskeeper are knowledgeable in healing, nothing too over the top like the Apollo kids, but more around the realm of medicinal home remedies, tending to wounds and pain from knowing first aid to soothing aches and pains both mentally and physically; like kissing a boo after putting a bandage on it. Not that they won’t or have any special, magical healing abilities but it's very down to earth. There’s nothing like making a literal magical bowl of chicken noodle soup to make someone magically feel better. 

I’m not sure if Hestia would bestow partial-immortality to her flamekeepers, but given how Hestia sometimes look, the alternative is that she bestows her flamekeepers some sort of youth and vigour to them. A liveliness that is akin to being at home with a certain liveness to it.  (I’m not sure if instead of not just a vow, they also step into the sacred fire, allowing the fire to burn away small amounts of mortality, thus bestowing immortality).

Being part of the Hearth, I’d imagine the more a flamekeeper tends to the flame, they stroke not only the physical flame, but also the one in their hearts/soul. The more you embody Hestia’s flame as you tend to it, you learn the whispers of the crackling flame before you find yourself using it. While you can use it how you see fit, you don’t really feel the need to use it in a fight; instead you feel more kin to using it for other things like lighting a candle, using your fire to rekindle the cold coals to boil the kettle to make someone a cup of tea, to light someone’s way through the darkness, providing warmth to those who need it. It’s not as ferocious  as a roaring flame of Hephaestus, but it’s just as powerful. Just don’t use it to hurt for evil misdeeds. While the Flamekeepers are non-combatants, mostly, it doesn’t mean they won’t take up arms and do what is necessary when faced with danger; especially if it threatens the home and hearth. It’s a rare sight but when a force or someone tries to encroach your hearth with evil intentions to cause harm and destruction, the Flamekeepers will bear arms and stoke the flames that will burn away the evil. 

Furthering healing and with fire, I also think the Flamekeepers are a master of blessings and curses. While rare to bestow a curse onto others, you still learn how to cast both blessings and curses, because to be knowledgeable in one, is to learn the other. In rare cases, you have to cast curses when someone has encroached the Flamekeepers’ place without permission or done something bad towards them. This information is more or less an open secret since Hestia doesn’t approve of her priestesses casting curses willy-nilly. Besides, it’s majorly to learn about curses to learn how to break them. The Flameskeepers are often bestowing others blessings when they leave camp for the year or when they go on a mission, and people come to you for help to burn curses; most often caused by Campers. Afterall, fire not only bestows warmth, it also burns.

It’s not a whole lot but I believe seasoned Flamekeepers are able to claim sanctuary and create a safe space in space they’ve made their own. From starting a small campfire in the middle of nowhere to your own personalized space. Anyone who enters your space that you’ve opened your door to is safe from danger, allowing you and others to rest and be safe. It won’t stop a god or a titan, but the more powerful and well-seasoned Flamekeeper is, the stronger their sanctuary is. So at the least, you can keep evil and some monsters away while you help feed and care for them; which is as much as demigods can ask for.  In a more practical movement, you can protect others to a degree.

Like the Huntresses who have their silver palkas and gear, when enough time has elapsed and when they pledge to Hestia, they’re gifted with a veil. It not only as a minor protection, it also has minor invisibility that lets the wearer hide away from evil, harm, and such. It's not as invincible as wearing the Nemean Lion hide or powerful with the invisibility as the Helm of Darkness of Hades, but for a priestess of Hestia? That’s more than enough.  You can wear it on your head like a veil or a headcovering (i.e. tichel, hijab, dupatta, so forth), a shawl, a scarf, to wrap around your waist, or whatever you like you find comfortable. It’s been weaved together with the help of all the sisters within the Flameskeepers with little ember hole marks by Hestia. If the Flameskeeper don’t have the beads from Camp Halfblood or Tattooed by Camp Jupiter, they have (also) the veil. Each year you all get together to embroider your veil with a design, helped by your sisters or by yourself, showing everyone. It can be elaborate or as simple as you like. 

In a more practical, down to earth way, the Flamekeepers are domestics. I would like to think overtime each individual Flamekeeper becomes more talented in certain domestic activities; either its mending and sewing clothes, cooking and/or baking, and so forth. Being from the Hearth, you bring a home-like quality to everything you do and especially as you sing songs from home. So imagine all of that with some magical, blessing effect. So I guess if I had to put a term for it, it would be literal Household Magic.  

That’s all I can think of. There’s probably more that other Flameskeepers that may think of when reading this but that’s only the beginning. Thanks for asking this, I had a lot of fun thinking about this! Hope you all have a great day!

[vividviverrid]

make the word tag 🖊️

thank u for the tag @kahvilahuhut !!!!!! :))

RULES: Using the 3 random words given to you, you have to write a scene either using all 3 words in one scene OR write three separate scenes using each word separately.

my words were chair, moon & beverage ; i tried to figure out what to write for beverage but i just COULD NOT omfg im so sorry. so there's only two 😭

i tag anyone who sees this with the words fun, gold and stars!

i. chair

“Sit down, please,” Xorna says. “Goodness, even the guards are scared of you.”

Jessica continues pacing through the main room of the castle, her boots stomping several loud thuds into the tile beneath. She’s biting her fingernails, making furious noises between each gnaw that really are starting to scare the guards, Xorna can sense. She’s ignoring Xorna, which is the bravest thing she’s ever seen any human do.

“I just don’t — I don’t get it,” Jessica hisses. She doesn’t stop moving, continues fluttering about the castle like a fragile Earth moth. “Soren’s not -- I mean, he’s always had a dark sense of humor, but he’d never threaten anyone else unless it was for a good reason.”

“Maybe he thinks you’re a good reason.”

“He should know I wouldn’t want him to hurt anyone.”

Xorna gives her a sad look. She approaches Jessica with caution -- as if approaching a terrified, cowering creature -- and places a hand on her shoulder with a surprising amount of tenderness, an amount she could never have imagined exerting for a human before today.

“If I let you sit in my chair, will you finally talk to me instead of at me?”

“What do you care? You’re a de—wait.” Her face twists. “Your chair… the throne? You’d let me sit in the throne of this place?”

“...Desperate times. What do you say?”

ii. moon

Zee buries his head in his hands. It’s cold out, dark. He can feel things like that now -- physical sensations like cold and pain, mental sensations like cold and pain. There aren’t a lot of stars in Knife’s Edge; the sky above is merely a flood of black with white specks scattered across it like scraps of street litter. There’s no point in looking up, and he’s too familiar with looking down, so yes, he buries his head in his hands, runs his fingers over his insectoid-rough skin, and tries to remember what a lack of sentience is like.

But he’s not even allowed peace. “Hey, bee boy. You lost?”

It’s Ivy’s voice. He groans, makes a point of his sigh. 

“That’s a loaded question,” Zee replies, through sharp teeth.

She takes a seat next to him on the bench. “I feel that.” Ivy laughs. “It’s kinda easy to get lost, isn’t it? Here at the mansion, and also, just, like, in general. It’s all so fucking complicated. We didn’t sign up for this.”

“I didn’t sign up for any of this. I don’t even want to be here.”

“Yeah, I don’t either, but life isn’t always fair, Zee. Sometimes you just gotta deal.” Ivy begins humming, an indiscernable tune. “Ugh, I can’t believe I’m fucking saying this. You have to look at the bright side. Sure, the person who created you is batshit insane and evil, and sure, now you have to kill the person who gave you life, but…. but you know what? I’m not helping.”

“You’re trying, so thanks. I just can’t see any bright side.”

“Then look at something bright?” Ivy suggests with a telling laugh. “C’mon, Zee. Look at something.”

Zee groans again, but his hands recoil to his sides. His eyes open, and he looks up on instinct.

“The moon’s bright,” he says.

“There you go. There’s always a bright side, even in total darkness. Sometimes it’s a literal bright side, and you’re just looking at the moon, but at least the moon is still there.”

“That’s too profound for someone like you.”

“Well, it’s mainly Winter’s brownies talking. Think of it this way: at least you don’t have to do this shit alone.”

Zee nods. “Yeah,” he says. “I guess.”

[transporttoanotherplace]

1 out of 5

I rarely and I mean RARELY ever do not finish a book but I felt so uncomfortable with the content of the book. Part of its on me because when I read the synopsis the dubious consent issue should have been apparent.

Premise: Angelika Frankenstein agrees to help her brother with his science experiment to reanimate a dead person made up of different body parts so long as she gets to create her match. Angelika, despite being the most beautiful woman around and a rich heiress, isn’t like other girls and at age 24 she’s unwed because she’s too independent. Of course, for the times this means she’s too old and is doomed to become a spinster aunt. Maybe the answer is that the right man isn’t out there for her and she needs to make (literally) her dream man who will instantly see her and fall in love with her! 🤞

Look I’m going to spoil stuff because I have to process this. The first few chapters Angelika and her brother Victor are literally looking through a morgue for bodies and her primary reason for selection is of course looks. Then I’m put through a rather uncomfortable conversation between her and her brother talking about what the man’s cock size is going to be. Something I could not imagine ever talking about with my brother the way they did and I’m pretty open with my siblings. Anyway, she chooses the biggest cock (the amount of time spent on this man’s penis size had me cringing) they have and it hits me how if this were the other way around people would be crying sexism and objectification. When her monster wakes up he’s horrified and in so much pain and all she can think about is how pretty he is. I kid you not it takes likes less than a few minutes for Will (his temporary name as he had no recollection of his memories) to become physically aroused by the sight of her in pants 😑He’s horrified because mentally he doesn’t want to be and is upset about not knowing who he is but his damn dick just can’t help it. The man has to be almost physically dragged up the stairs because he’s in so much pain and she’s more curious about the bath he’s going to be getting.

Will is struggling so much explaining to her that he feels wrong. That his body doesn’t feel like his own and he’s uncomfortable by how physically responsive he is to Angelika. For her part she is automatically disheartened to realize that he doesn’t instantly fall in love with her. She can’t understand why he can’t be grateful to be alive again and just want to live with her where she can spoil him rotten with her money and just accept the sugar baby life. I have never hated a protagonist so much. She makes Bella Swan look amazing. Worse, before she’s even said a word to this man she starts calling him “my love.” I just felt sick at how his wishes weren’t being respected, the pressure he was facing, and how all of these issues were being excused by she has a good heart 🙄 I kid you not the first day after the reanimation her brother asks her “if it was everything she hoped for,” meaning did she finally lose her virginity? Will hasn’t even been undead for a full fucking day and already there’s this expectation that Will should be putting out. There’s a scene where Victor tells her that she needs to tell Will he might have been married as when they found the body he had a ring on and she outright says no because then she’ll lose him. Laughable since she tells Will several times that she will let him go whenever he wants. She does eventually thankfully but damn did I want to punch her in the face.

I had to stop there. I skimmed the book and the little I read just got worse. Some weird religious undertones, a damn love triangle that is beyond dumb because clearly the other guys isn’t a contender at all, smut that I’m thankful to have missed because I will forever be creeped out by the power imbalance of the relationship. I am questioning everyone who loves this book because it’s absurd, weird and creepy. Stockholm Syndrome at its finest.

I give it only a one because the first chapter was good and some of the banter was pretty good. But I have to think Mary Shelley is rolling around in her grave.

[approachme4fun]

Why Im Over MissBanshee....Finally

Lovelife Ended

Since my last blogpost,MissBanshee went ahead and made a horrendes "hang Approach out to dry",camoed as a "adressing the situation". Where she without any sort of proof,tossed at me personality traits as a Stalker,a Weirdo and a Creep.

Like Theo Von said when a prostitute called him a pervert and a creep: "Well,im defintly not a creep!".

Stalking? Make it make sence that someone who has been deeply in love with you daily going on the 6th month and therefor for almost half a year fully,overnight turns into a stalker???? It doesnt make any fucking sence,from one day being sweet love and someone neither can get enough of,to the other day: fucking weirdo,fucking creep,fucking stalker!!! (Your own words on a stream!)

None of my friends who looks at us both as friends,or at least tries to look at the entire situation as objectively as possible,states that you have no reason to call a super recent boyfriend turned ex by you,a stalker/weirdo/creep.

Again,i adressed this in a Twitter article,how i have withnessed own female family members getting new IDs and a new location to live,top secret,to be protected against stalkers. They wanted the individual both mental and physical harm. I could NEVER hurt YOU intentionally! You know this better then anyone else,you said so yourself countless of times: "you dont have a bad bone in your body".

If i unintentionally hurt you,then i will fall to my knees and apologize the very moment i become aware! Well,if you let me that is......and i have proven this time and time again,its all in our endless amount of discord conversations over these almost full 6 months.

You also called me a creep? Only creep im looking at myself as in between,is when i listen to Radioheads song Creep.

Whatever you thought you had on me,to legitimize hanging me out to dry as all that,you DONT! But you did it anyway,wich proves to me not just that i invested alot more into our relationship,but you also dont feel anything for me.

You had a chance to highlight my good sides too over 2 fucking hours of hanging me out to dry,where you indirectly at first encouraged people to attack my twitter,and people in your own community to make up wild stories about me being married to children (one of your new mods btw),while the other sugardaddy Mod took things completely out of context,to show theyr true fucking colours!

And other people you said you disliked personally,and hadnt even been in your streams in forever,all of a sudden were there talking massive smack about me.

And yes,someone that is being shut out of someones life they have literally lived for the last half year,will be searching up streams to see how you cope with the breakup yourself,if you mention them at all for some closure,if anything. I would find it really fucking cold and unusual if someones partner DIDNT look up theyr partner in a similar situation.

I admit,my amount of text at certain social medias was abit too much,ideally speaking. But i was desperate for some answers,some closure so i knew what the fuck was happening,and quite frankly....had you answered me,put some effort yourself into the mix,alot of what you reacted so badly upon would never have been mentioned. I know this,and you know this.

Makes me wonder how much your mom really did read,if she was of such a bombastic impression of me. Didnt bother to tell her how i actually treated you day in and day out,for almost full half year hah?

Figures...... it seems to be an ongoing thing with you,while my whole idea was to also highlight your good sides and abilities wich i love.....or loved. Because they are now just imagination to me......never real. Something you can thank yourself for......

I have never mistreated anyone like you described on your "hang out Approach" stream. Funny that i should start with you,when it all has been explained with me being exhausted (no sleep),pain wich also resulted in deep depression,dumb reversed psychology was also in the mix,plus i was already upset over the latest neglect.

Blame me for waiting and waiting,staring at the wall,then back on discord,starting to do other stuff while waiting,as i thought your internet really was out for soo long,only to find you in a lobby with the same people you claimed to me that you had told: "Only me and my mans are gonna hang out this weekend!" Is it really soo much to ask for,to get a heads up? You knew this from previous neglects,how my head gets messed up over knowing only after the damage is done.

You need to update me!!!! Its soo easy to avoid these types of arguments,geezus fucking christ!!! You knew about my past of hurting and huge mistrust towards women,and you repeatedly promised me that you would never......

I kept my promise at least,i fucked up massively ONE TIME,and thats when you block me,when the depression is thick as a mist on my words! You know i would never break up with you,it was depression talk! So when i realized you had blocked me,it gave a ping in my head,i got super worried,regretful.....i just wanted to embrace you right away,reassure you that i would never go anywhere.

Then i get a screenshot sent of you saying to Megyhs that youre gonna do "a tactical death and give Megyhs your twitch". Thats when i really got scared of losing you,and i became even more desperate of getting you to talk to me!

CANT YOU SEE IT???!!!!!! *Smacks my own head real hard* If you only used your head for a tiny bit,instead of being soo stuck up in your own onesided imagination of me all of a sudden.

We both went into our relationship knowing about us both having mental health issues. I treated you and that fact with the outmost respect! I only stomped abit in the salad 1 time over a half a year period,and i have not stopped punishing me over going on 2 weeks straight now,for that massive blunder.

I should have never talked to you that morning,how harsh it sounds i should have made sure that i was more lightheaded first.

But now knowing how you are not only on another guy already,but you do the exact same things together in discord that we used to do etc,makes it obvious to be soo much more then just a joke that your excuse was on the "hang out Approach" stream.

Its like you defintly had this planned. You even did a full 180 on the emotes we spent so much time planning,only thing you kept was your Stitch theme. Everything else you got wrid of real fast.

Yeah....you were never as invested in the relationship as i was.

Only reason im able to write this,is because i actually tried to eat something for the first time in probably a week+s time,and unfortunately i threw it up again,im really messed up over this.....

Because of the vomiting i started shaking uncontrollably,it got soo massive that i thought my heart was gonna stop,then i blacked out (my whole body was shaking uncontrollably) I was exhausted....

I came to myself with a pounding headache,and a back that had locked itself,also being in pain. Yeah,this is the "creep,weirdo and stalker" you described alright....

You know creepers and stalkers shut off theyr emotions pretty well right,as they often got some fucked up mental illnes thing too? They dont care as warmly and passionate about theyr loved one,as i did with you.

Are you proud of yourself now,MissBanshee__? Will you tell your mom that you were in your wrongs to cast these personality traits on me? Nah,i think you thrive being in your position right now.

Interesting how your new sugardaddy is donating all over the place now,to kiss ass and get connections,it all seems very fake. I never hated on him for gifting subs btw,as you wrongfully claimed recently,with your immatured "dodging the actual problem",by taking things out of context. I used him as an example over someone you honestly barely know compared to me,and still you warned me by donating too much money on you,as you had blocked friends in the past who did this.

You wanted to refund me my 10K bits i once gave you,but you said nothing against your new sugardaddy "bestie bestie bestie" after barely knowing them a couple of weeks+,when he not only went over me in bitties in total,but on top of that gifted subs and bought shit from your throne.

Oh yeah,i have been building my case alright. I dont care much for your lame excuses anymore. You cant wiggle your way out of these facts.

One of your community members has even impersonated me,trying to make it sound like i called you ugly. HAH! Look at my twitter reply to this very thing. I always defended you,even now when you turned me into an emotional mess,and im barely clinging onto life really.

And i told you this was gonna happen,if i ended up falling for you,and you shut me out of your life or stabbed me in my back/in my heart....

But you still did.....

I got my blame to take for this argument leading up to it,where i wish i kept a clear head,loved you and agreed to us spending time together. Instead of suffering,losing my cool.....then deciding to take a breather on my own,where the plan was to make you happy again the next morning. It all sounded soo easy in my head.....then that morning came,and i wasnt myself at all.

But you didnt exactly help.....when you saw me in that state of mind,you should have said "Babe,i love you!" or "Babe,are you okay?".

Those works as "pings" in my head,i manage to shift focus/break out of the pattern and by focusing on you still loving me,i will also focus on giving you my love. And i start feeling better.......

But you expected me on your "hang me out to dry stream",to do it all by just asking for reassurance? Has it ever occured to you,that my mind doesnt function like that whenever im that "messed up"?

It doesnt happen often thankfully,thats why i often kept my distance abit. Not to be an asshole,but i wanted to protect you incase i bursted out something spontaneous i later on regret.

You seemed totally fine with it,the few times it happened and i managed to avoid us having missunderstandings over it.

And btw,Mei/Meijika offered herself/himself (i dont know if theyre all an act or what,but several people do question this individual) to reach out to you on my behalf,AFTER i had reassured them that they didnt have to do anything on my behalf.

They said they had thought it over,and offered out of the blue to write you. Thats when i first hesitated knowing how you had treated me up till that point,but then my head was like "maybe another female manages to reach in to my love?". But her reply back to me an hour later,told me that you had been seriously pissy at her,telling her that it was none of her buisness..... But she offered herself.....lets make that perfectly clear.

She then goes onto asking me to never contact her again (lol,she was the eager one to add me in the first place,calling me boo constantly,wich ill come back to in a sec)

I know how much you disliked Meijika according to yourself and your history with her,and next thing i know,shes constantly in your streams,calling you BOO and asking if you got room for her.......

You are soo easy to expose..... I hate that i feel soo much for you still.

But its finally time,to make that difficult standpoint once and for all. If i die i die,but at least i made the best closure for myself.

I will let my soul,my brain and body take the time they need to get over you,and then i wont be looking back,ever! I will stop having my door open for you to come back,because you obviously didnt invest as much into our relationship as i did,and you have had a complete change of character,how you run your streams,how you let people you hated become your VIPs and literally SPAM chat wildly.

Talk about a immatured chaos. I would think it was run by one of your younger siblings and not you,who i thought i got to know over soon half a year.

I will always cherish our memories,because they gave me a fake feeling of finally meeting THE ONE for me,and i looked forward into creating TONS of more situations and experiences like that. I thought i had finally found happiness,a purpose in life......but looking at us now,how one constantly tried for the longest to get his loved one back,or at least to talk to him again,if only for a little while,was met with a cold,aggressive,destructive wall of silence.

And after that,direct personal attacks,from someone that should know me better then so. (And now people that constantly made you freak out before stream if they messaged you,is also VIPs and screen mascots...HOW ABOUT THAT!)

And before you try to excuse that away with "people do change": Do they really change that much in 1 or 2 weeks? And most importantly: WHERE THE FUCK WAS MY CHANCE??!!! You literally unblock/take back guys/community members that has treated you way waaay worse then me!

For the first time im just gonna say it,respectfully: You were not worthy of my time,MissBanshee__! I loved you waaaay more then you loved me! Remember? I always told you "i love you moar",because i meant that shit. You started copying me,but just to tell me what i wanted to hear.... I figured you out in the end,you became good at "telling me what i wanted to hear",just not when it mattered the most.

Like avoiding that argument leading you into blocking me.

Nope,just blame it all on me,one who doesnt have that much more life experience then you have,i told you all about that too. Strange,how easily you chose to forget about certain things,and angle and nitpick on other things,as you claim me to be.....

Takes 1 to know 1 i guess......... Not until i begged people not to go after you and disrespect you,be mean to you,did you do a similar thing in your horrendes "Approach stream".

You loved to pick on a man almost out of energy for theyr writing skills/english,did i ever go at you for your messed up way of writing? No,im not petty like that..... So why the fuck did you?

I could keep going,but im feeling drained again,drinking alot of liquid is all i do in the heat. I feel like i could sleep for a thousand years,but everytime i try i cant.....

This song once described what i would do for you daily,and what you meant to me. Let me ask again: Is this the feelings and thoughts of a stalking,creepy weirdo?! So i watched you after you blocked and banned me? I FUCKING LOVED YOU,AND I SEEKED ANSWERS,COMFORT AND REASSURANCE!! It makes me fucking upset that some people act as dumb as this,just so they can throw more toxicity in there,and destroy another humanbeing COMPLETELY!!! I hope you and your mom is truly proud of yourselfs!

And before you get all agrovated and wants to jump in my throat for involving her: YOU INVOLVED YOUR OWN FUCKING MOM AGAINST ME,ON A FUCKING STREAM WATCHED BY ALMOST 300 PEOPLE!!

TF IS WRONG WITH YOU??! Yeah,im over you alright.......

And way to go to completely copy Rkive with your "new viewers,dont be shy/scared,say hello heart heart heart". Could you be anymore fake? PLEASE.... FINITO!

One final thing: You claimed you had read every single article,blogpost. But i call horseshit,because if you actually read it with interest,you would have felt sorry for shutting me out cold,you would have felt guilt yourself,and you would have done more to win me back yourself,at least the MissBanshee__ i once knew or thought i knew. I doubt you will ever read this last post either,so this is a final goodbye. Please do me a favor though,stick to your own click of communities. I dont have much left,and the only 2-3 streams i feel like i can relax somewhat in,you constantly come barging into.

Gimme some fucking space!

[batsandbugs]

A Kiss With a Fist

AN: Hey everyone another fic coming at you! This is for the Maribat Drabble Exchange hosted by @eat0crow I’m so excited to be participating! My fic was for @pixiebuggiewrites​ who wanted a Daminette soulmate fic. Sorry I couldn’t squeeze anybody else in here it was already getting pretty long! I hope you all enjoy! You can also read it here on ao3! (Pictures are NOT mine)

Damian stormed away from the hotel, aggressively zipping his coat. He didn’t care where he was going, only that it was away from here.

He didn’t want to be in Paris. He didn’t want to watch out for incompetent amateurs. He didn’t want to ‘control your anger, Damian’. He wanted to be sent home.

The calm night taunted him, the Parisian streets were too bight and too clean, resembling nothing like his dark city. He missed patrolling, he missed his animals, hell, a part of him (a small, barely negligible part he would never admit to) even missed his siblings. But no, he was stuck here, under his father’s orders until the situation in Paris drew to a conclusion.

Considering it took five years for outside help to be even called in, he had no clue how long the mission would last. He still hadn’t met the so-called-heroes of Paris, but the research he conducted showed they were ill-trained, undisciplined, and relying on so much luck it was a fucking miracle their city wasn’t a smoking ruin by now.

He sighed, sticking his hands deeper into the pockets of his coat. He regretted not grabbing his gloves in his storm out. He’d been so irritated at his father that even though the man was on the other side of a screen, half-way across an ocean, Damian needed to physically leave to calm his anger. It left him little time to grab essentials for a chilly winter night like a hat, or gloves. He considered himself lucky for remembering to grab a coat at all.

He wandered for a solid hour, the cold sinking into his bones chilling the raging inferno that always seemed to bubble inside him. By the time he no longer wanted to scream at anyone, he was sufficiently lost, considering he hadn’t taken his phone with him either.

Coming to rest on a bridge he took a seat on a small bench. He puffed a warm breath of air into his chilly hands rubbing them together. Nighttime in Paris was so… different compared to Gotham. While big cities never truly slept, this was positively peaceful in comparison to what he was used to. He hadn’t even heard a single sound of ruckus or distress, which seemed strange considering the city was currently besieged by a magical butterfly terrorist.

Damian inwardly scoffed. Butterfly terrorist. True, being a Gothamite meant no room to judge, but he found it hard to think of a stranger string of words.

He sighed; Damian didn’t even know what his father wanted him to do here. Sure, he knew French and was a proficient fighter, but what could that even lend to the situation? They needed a detective, and, as much as he hated to admit it, Drake would have been the better option in that department. Unfortunately, he was off-world. Grayson was dealing with a problem in Hong Kong with Cass. Brown was paired with the rest of the Sirens taking care of Gotham along with Batman, and Todd…

Well, even he recognized what an awful choice Todd would be against a villain who literally used strong negative emotions as his weapon of choice. Damian had a temper; Todd was a ticking-time-bomb.

A high-pitched screech cut through the night air, before being noticeably muffled. Damian was on his feet and running before he even mentally acknowledged it. The thud of his boots on the cobblestone bridge sent small shocks through his legs. Another large clatter directed him off to a side street a couple of feet away. Three men had cornered a tiny slip of a woman, who held her purse like a weapon.

Damian saw red. “Hey, why don’t you pick on someone your own size,” he yelled in French. There was one benefit to being in a foreign city, Damian did not have to play the part of a clueless rich kid who couldn’t hold his own in a fight.

The brutes turned to him and grinned mean smiles. One guy stepped forward. “Come on man, we’re just having a little fun. You can join if you-” Damian cut off the disgusting words with a jab to the nose. Then he spun around, sweeping the second guy’s feet from underneath him, hitting him with a punch to the face to knock him out cold. The first guy hadn’t lost consciousness, but he was doubled over which allowed Damian to knee him in the stomach. Another punch to the face and he was out cold too.

He turned to finish off the last guy, only to see the woman roundhouse kicking him to the head. The burly man fell with a thud. The alley turned eerily silent, the only sounds coming from the sharp breaths of both Damian and the girl. His pulse fluttered fast; the heat of the battle warmed his chilled limbs.

A red purse laid on the ground near his feet. Picking it up he walked over to the small woman, no teen she looked about his age, who was still sharply breathing.

“Here, this is-” a blur is all he saw before a sharp pain spread across his nose.

Did she-

Did she just punch him in the face?

The shock of it sent him sprawling onto the ground, and he blinked away the tears forming in his eyes. Damian cradled his throbbing nose, anger bubbled once more under his skin before-

*Zing*  

The connection hit him like a train. A deep well of rightness spreading through him. He looked up through bleary eyes to find the woman staring at him in similar shock.

“You’re my soulmate,” they sputtered at each other.

Damian inwardly groaned. The League made initiates kill their soulmate should they ever find them to prove their loyalty. He grew up never wanting to find his soulmate, knowing they would serve as nothing but a distraction and weakness. Even when he joined his father, the idea seemed an unneeded liability. Sure, his brothers found their soulmates within the superhero community, but what were the chances he would too?

A small whimper escaped the mouth of the guy lying unconscious on the ground, knocked out by the woman the universe thought would be the perfect match for him. Damian tilted his head. She might not be a superhero, but maybe the universe knew him better than he first imagined.

“OhmygoshIamsosorry!” the flood of words spilled from his soulmate’s mouth, her face a deep shade of red. “I was just-”

“Acting on instinct and adrenaline? Appropriate, considering the threat you just faced,” he said without anger. “Your right hook is sufficiently adequate.”

“Um… thanks? Are you alright though?” She extended a hand to help him off the ground. He took it, his larger hand enveloped hers, but she showed a surprising amount of strength as she pulled him up. The contact sent another *zing* through his body, smaller and more subdued though. Damian found himself reluctant to let go.

“Yes, yes, I’m fine.” He suffered worse in training before. With the initial pain dissipated, all that was left was a dull throbbing that would be gone by morning. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good,” she said with a bright smile. He took the chance to finally observe his soulmate. She was small, couldn’t be more than 5’2, which meant at 6’1 he towered over her. She was of mixed descent, with dark hair spilling over her shoulders, and bright blue eyes. Her arms and legs were toned with muscle, and she held herself with grace and confidence. She wore a face of tasteful makeup and was clothed in a short red dress and a pair of strappy heels with no jacket in sight. He had no clue how she wasn’t freezing to death.

Her smile dimmed a bit. “Actually, no, I’ve had better days. Today has kinda been a perfect disaster; first I’m late for school, then I forgot my homework, and my class bully decided it was a pick-on-Marinette day. There’s a three-hour Akuma fight, involving mind-control, which is always a total drag. I finally get home to find my parents worried sick about me because I hadn’t answered my phone which got destroyed at the beginning of the fight. I go to my class’s senior Valentine’s day dance hoping to finally confess to the guy I’ve had a crush on for years, only to get humiliated because he already has a girlfriend, and everyone else in my class knew and decided not to tell me. When I get away not to cause a scene, not only do I forget my jacket, but I also get attacked by three bumbling idiots with more mouths than brains.” She chuckled, hollow and verging on manic.

Damian stood there, unsure how to take all of that. He filed away the fact she was being bullied, and that she commonly dealt with Akuma attacks. Both equally important, as far as he was concerned.

“Now, here I am, standing in front of my gorgeous soulmate I punched in the face, after beating up said earlier idiots, rambling my mouth off because I don’t know the meaning of the word chill. Yep! I’ve certainly had better days. Ohmygoshimatotalmesskillmenow.” She muttered the last part into her hands, but Damian understood her all the same.

He would come back to the gorgeous thing later.

“…Do you want my jacket? You look cold.” It wasn’t the smoothest thing he could have said, nor the most appropriate considering the mess of a day she’d had. However, the manners Alfred drilled into his brain came knocking and if he was cold with a turtle-neck long-sleeved shirt and a jacket, she must be freezing in all that… nothingness. He averted his eyes from her exposed skin, looking at her face instead.

His soulmate looked at him for a long moment, before closing her eyes and taking a deep breath.

“You know what, yeah, a jacket would be nice,” she said in a tired voice. Damian shed his coat quickly, not minding the sharp sting of cold that hit him. He helped his soulmate into the sleeves and took an odd little pleasure in seeing how tiny she looked in the folds of his jacket.  

“I’m Marinette, by the way, Marinette Dupain-Cheng.” She wrapped the jacket closer cuddling into the heat. “Sorry for kinda freaking out on you there.”

“The kind of day you’ve had has surely broken lesser mortals. Any coping method is your due. I’m Damian, Damian Wayne. It’s a pleasure to meet you Marinette.” He smiles, although the gesture feels odd, trying to appear non-threatening. While his soulmate (and maybe he was coming around to this faster than he thought possible) was obviously skilled at dealing with a variety of stressors, he didn’t want to add any more and risk her being akumatized.

“You as well Damian.” She shivered despite the added protection of his coat, as a gust of wind swept through the alleyway. “As much fun as this conversation has been, it might be best for us to get out of the cold.”

“Indeed. What will we do with these inconveniences?” he asked, poking one of the guys with the tip of his boot.

She sighed, picking her purse from the ground where he’d dropped it. “We’ll call the police to come pick them up. They’ll be cold, but fine.”

Damian scowled, “It’s better than they deserve.” He sneered at the guy who offered for Damian to join them. Join them in assaulting this tiny, bright girl, who’d been through enough. His soulmate. The bubbling rage began anew, and he wished he’d done more than just knock them unconscious, they deserved far worse for thinking, daring, to touch-

A small hand rested on his arm, dragging him out of his violent thoughts. “I’m fine Damian. Even if you hadn’t arrived, I would have been fine. I can hold my own in a fight. This is Paris after all.”

“Tt,” Damian scoffed. “Fine. We’ll leave them to their fates.” And if their fates happened to involve complete ruination of their online lives, credit scores, and secure information? Well, that was hardly his fault, now was it?

“There’s a good café opened late around the corner. Would you- would you like to go there?” Marinette asked.

Damian smiled at the tentative offer. “I would very much enjoy that, yes. I’ve been out for longer than I should, coffee would be great right about now.” She giggled and he felt his stomach flutter. Funny, giggling always annoyed him, but that bright clear sound... he could grow used to that.

Walking out of the dark alley, listening to Marinette talk to the police on her phone, Damian sighed. The streets no longer felt too clean, or the lights too bright. Yes, he was colder, and yes this was a complication, but for some reason, Damian could not bring himself to care.

Maybe Paris wouldn’t be so bad after all.

[wolfstar-in-color]

July Colorful Column: Remus is a Crip, and We Can Write Him Better.

There is one thing that can get me to close a fic so voraciously I don’t even make sure I’m not closing other essential tabs in the process. It doesn’t matter how much I’m loving the fic, how well written I think it is, or how desperately I want to know how it ends. Once I read this sentence, I am done.

It’s written in a variety of different ways, but it always goes something like this: “You don’t want me,” Remus said, “I am too sick/broken/poor/old/[insert chosen self-demeaning adjective here].”

You’re familiar with the trope. The trope is canonical. And if you’ve been around the wolfstar fandom for longer than a few minutes, you’ve read the trope. Maybe you love the trope! Maybe you’ve written the trope! Maybe you’re about to stop reading this column, because the trope rings true to you and you feel a little attacked!

Now, let’s get one thing out of the way right now: I am not saying the trope is wrong. I am not saying it’s bad. I am not saying we should stop writing it. We all have things we don’t like to see in our chosen fics. Maybe you can’t stand Leather Jacket Motorbike Sirius? Maybe you think Elbow Patch Remus is overdone? Or maybe your pet peeves are based in something a little deeper - maybe you think Poor Latino Remus is an irresponsible depiction, or that PWPs are too reductive? Whatever it is, we all have our things.

Let me tell you about my thing. When I first became very ill several years ago, there were various low points in which I felt I had become inherently unlovable. This is, more or less, a normal reaction. When your body stops doing things it used to be able to do - or starts doing things you were quite alright without, thank you very much - it changes the way you relate to your body. You don’t want to hear my whole disability history, so yada yada yada, most people eventually come to accept their limitations. It’s a very painful existence, one in which you constantly tell yourself your disability has transformed you into a burdensome, unworthy member of society, and if nothing else, it’s not terribly sustainable. Being disabled takes grit! It takes power! It takes a truly absurd amount of medical self-advocacy! Hating yourself? Thinking yourself unworthy of love? No one has time for that. 

Of course, I’m being hyperbolic. Plenty of disabled people struggle with these feelings many years into their disabilities, and never really get over them. But here’s the thing. We experience those stories ALL THE TIME. Remember Rain Man? Or Million Dollar Baby? Or that one with the actress from Game of Thrones and that British actor who seemed like he was going to have a promising career but then didn't? Those are all stories about sad, bitter disabled people and their sad, bitter lives, two out of three of which end in the character completing suicide because they simply couldn’t imagine having to live as a disabled person. (I mean, come on media, I get that we're less likely to enjoy a leisurely Saturday hike, but our parking is SUBLIME.) When was the last time you engaged with media that depicted a happy disabled person? A complex disabled person? A disabled person who has sex? No really, these aren’t hypothetical questions, can you please drop a rec in the notes?? Because I am desperate.

There are lots of problems with this trope, and they’ve been discussed ad nauseam by people with PhDs. I’m not actually interested in talking about how this trope leads to a more prevalent societal idea that disabled people are unworthy of love, or contributes to the kind of political thought processes that keep disabled people purposefully disenfranchised. I’m just a bitch on Tumblr, and I have a bone to pick: the thing I really hate about the trope? It’s boring. I’m bored. You know how, like, halfway through Grey’s Anatomy you realized they were just recycling the same plot points over and over again and there was just no WAY anyone working at a hospital prone to THAT MANY disasters would stay on staff? It's like that. I love a recycled trope as much as the next person (There Was Only One Bed, anyone?). But I need. Something. Else.

Remus is disabled. BOLD claim. WILD speculation. Except, not really. You simply - no matter how you flip it, slice it, puree it, or deconstruct it - cannot tell me Remus Lupin is not disabled. Most of us, by this point, are probably familiar with the way that One Canonical Author intended One Dashing Werewolf to be “a metaphor for those illnesses that carry stigma, like HIV and AIDS” [I’m sorry to link you to an outside source quoting She Who Must Not Be Named, but we’re professionals here]. Which is... a thing. It’s been discussed. And, listen, there’s no denying that this parallel is a problematic interpretation of people who have HIV/AIDS and all such similar “those illnesses” (though I’ll admit that I, too, am perennially apt to turn into a raging beast liable to harm anything that crosses my path, but that’s more linked to the at-least-once-monthly recollection that One Day At A Time got cancelled). Critiques aside, Remus Lupin is a character who - due to a condition that affects him physically, mentally, emotionally, and intellectually - is repeatedly marginalized, oppressed, denied political and social power, and ostracized due to unfounded fear that he is infectious to others. Does that sound familiar?

We’re not going to argue about whether or not “Remus is canonically disabled as fuck” is a fair reading. And the reason we’re not going to argue about whether or not it’s a fair reading is because I haven’t read canon in 10-plus years and you will win the argument. Canon is only marginally relevant here. The icon of this blog is brown, curly haired Remus Lupin kissing his trans boyfriend, Sirius Black. We are obviously not too terribly invested in canon. The wolfstar fandom is now a community with over 25,000 AO3 fics, entire careers launched from drawing or writing or cosplaying this non-canonical pairing. We love to play around here with storylines and universes and races and genders and sexualities and all kinds of things, but most of the time? Remus is still disabled. He’s disabled as a werewolf in canon-compliant works, he’s disabled in the AUs where he was injured or abused or kidnapped or harmed as a child, he’s disabled in the stories that read him as chronically ill or bipolar or traumatized or blind or Deaf. I’d go so far as to say that he is one of very few characters in the Wide Wonderful World of media who is, in as close to his essence as one can be, always disabled. And that means? Don’t shoot the messenger... but we could stand to be a tiny bit more responsible with how we portray him. 

Disabled people are complicated. As much as I’d like to pretend we are always level-headed, confident, and ready to assert our inherent worth, we are still just humans. We have bad days. We doubt our worth. We sometimes go out with guys who complain about our steroid-induced weight gain (it was a long time ago, Tumblr, okay??). But, we also have joy and fun and good days and sex and happiness and families and so many other things. 

Remus is a disabled character, and as such, it’s only fair that he’d have those unworthy moments. But - I propose - Remus is also a crip. What is a crip? A crip - like a queer - is someone who eschews the limited boundaries placed on their bodies, who rejects a hierarchy of oppression in favor of an intersectional analysis of lived experience, who isn’t interested in being the tragic figure responsible for helping people with dominant identities realize how good they have it. Crips interpret their disabilities however they want, rethinking bodies and medicine and pleasure and pain and even time itself. Crips are political, community-minded, and in search of liberation. 

Remus is a character who struggles with his disability, sure. But he’s also a character who leverages his physical condition to attempt to shift communities towards his political leanings, advocates for the rights of those who share his physical condition, and has super hot sex with his wrongfully convicted boyfriend ultimately goes on to build community and family. Having a condition that quite literally cripples you, over which you have no control, and through which you are often read as a social pariah? That’s disability. But using said condition as a means through which to build advocacy and community? Now that’s some crip shit. 

Personally, I love disabled!Remus Lupin. But I love crip!Remus Lupin even more. I’d love to see more of a Remus who owns his disability, who covets what makes him unique, and who never ever again tells a potential romantic partner they are too good for him because of his disability. This trope - unlike There Was Only One Bed! - sometimes actually hurts to read. Where’s Remus who thinks a potential romantic partner isn’t good enough for him? Where’s Remus who insists his partners learn more about his condition in order to treat him properly? Where’s sexy wheelchair user Remus? Where’s Remus who uses his werewolf transformations as an excuse to travel the world? Where’s crip Remus??

We don’t have to put “you don’t want me” Remus entirely to bed. It is but one of many repeated tropes that are - in the words of The Hot Priest from Fleabag - morally a bit dubious. And let’s face it - we don’t always come to fandom for its moral superiority (as much as we sometimes like to think we do). 

This is not a condemnation - it is an invitation. Able-bodied folks are all but an injury, illness, or couple decades away from being disabled. And when you get here, I sincerely hope you don’t waste your time on “you don’t want me”ing back and forth with the people you love. I’m inviting you to come to the crip side now. We have snacks, and without all the “you don’t want me” talk, we get to the juicy parts much faster. 

Colorfully,

Mod Theo

[helioleti]

I've been rewatching ATLA several times lately and this time I especially ended up wondering a lot about Iroh and Ozai's past and characters in general. I just can't help but think it weird that Ozai is the ultimate trashbag of a humanbeing while Iroh ended up preaching harmony and peace. It just doesn't make any sense. These guys are brothers. They were brought up by the same parents, in the same fascist imperialistic nation, they were taught the same values growing up. You're trying to tell me the difference is that Iroh was destined to be the person he eventually came to be, but Ozai was just born evil? No, I don't think so.

I have two hot takes that I'm gonna elaborate:

1. Iroh had a guidance Ozai lacked

2. Ozai was the less favored son

(Disclaimer: I haven't read the comics yet so I don't know how deep they've already gone into this subject at some point. I'm trying to interpret and analyze the stuff that I got from the animated series only. If anything I say contradicts what has already been confirmed in the comics, feel free to correct me.)

Hear me out. Iroh wasn't born a saint. Everyone is aware of this, especially Iroh himself. He laid siege to Ba Sing Se for 2 years, costing the Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom thousands of lives. Everyone knew that if the Fire Nation took over the capital, it meant almost ultimate victory for the Fire Nation. He even went as far as making a offhand sadistic jokes about burning the city to the ground in that letter to Zuko and Azula.

Iroh acknowledges it himself; He was a different man.

So what changed?

Yes, his son died. It broke and shattered him from the inside, making him drop all efforts to continue fighting in the war. To continue what had been his lifelong ambition, what he believed to be his destiny. He had a literal vision about taking over Ba Sing Se when he was a child, and that had been what he'd been pursuing ever since. But the death of his son managed to crumble all of that into nothingness. How is that possible?

Don't get me wrong. I think it's completely valid. I just don't understand how Lu Ten and Iroh could've had such a loving and caring relationship in the first place, when that's clearly something unusual among the royal family. Ozai burned and banished Zuko without a second thought, not to mention all the other shit he did to him growing up. Ozai didn't give two shits about Azula either, he only ever intended to use her as his weapon. Doesn't seem too surprising, if you ask me. Azulon didn't hesitate to demand that Ozai kill his own son if he wanted the throne. That's the man that raised Ozai, so it's just logical that Ozai learned that behavior and those values from his own father.

Even 9 year old Azula thinks it laughable that Iroh would fall apart at the death of his son. She is a child and this is how she thinks. The reason Zuko doesn't think like this is because he's had the guidance of his mother, unlike Azula. This is the kind of mentality these kids grow up with. They grew up with war and so did Iroh and Ozai.

So why was Iroh's relationship with Lu Ten so different? Where did Iroh experience the kind of compassion and love he passed on to his own son, that Ozai definitely didn't? People act on how they've come to learn, so where did Iroh learn to care about his son to a point that it made him give up on his lifelong ambition?

Let's review a very crucial information we have on Iroh and Ozai as siblings: They have a huge age gap.

Frankly, I'm guessing about 10-20 years. Looks more like 20 to me, but that could also be Iroh's greater amount of endured pain and war making him look older than he actually is. But no one can deny that an age gap is definitely there. Which can also indicate they had different upbringings, despite having grown up in the same family as brothers.

What does this mean? Well, that's just me theorizing now, but I can definitely imagine that Iroh had someone, a family member maybe, there for him who wasn't around or didn't care to be when Ozai grew up. There must've been someone there who gave Iroh emotional security and guidance throughout his upbringing. Who? That's up to imagination. A friend of the family? A friendly uncle? His own mother ((or father))? (The last two things worked out for Zuko in the end, didn't they?) Otherwise I can't really explain myself why Iroh had enough values to love the way he loved Lu Ten, while Ozai clearly didn't give two fucks about his children at any point in his life.

Iroh was the firstborn son, the one who had a vision very early in his life that his destiny was to take over Ba Sing Se. Probably the one who got to have a family member care about him enough to show him how to love.

(I like to point this out a lot because I find it very interesting, and very significant. Please A:TLA give us more info on Iroh's past!!)

Which brings me to my second take: Ozai was the less favored son.

Iroh was clearly a son to be proud of. He was a master firebender, the "Dragon of the West", if you will. He apparently had a vision as a boy that he'd conquer the most "impenetrable city" in the world. He probably lived up to his parent's expectations for his whole life, especially having no sibling to be compared to for a significant part of his life. He broke through the outter wall of Ba Sing Se during his siege. Yada yada yada, you get my point. He's the best son they could've wished for.

And Ozai? As far as I know, he barely even has any military achievements. Taking over Ba Sing Se was Azula's doing. While Iroh laid siege to the capital, he was at home chilling in the palace. He's the younger brother to an established hero and was never meant to be firelord. Now, I haven't read the comics for more info on Ozai's biography, but this man barely had a chance to live up to his parent's standards with Iroh as an older brother. If my theory is correct, Ozai also didn't have any person to provide him emotional guidance throughout his life. (*cough* like Azula)

The logical outcome is: infinite jealousy.

And when Ozai suggests to Azulon that he revoke Iroh's birthright to become firelord, this is Azulon's answer:

Azulon doesn't even hesitate to call Ozai out on his bullshit. He doesn't hesitate to take offense at the suggestion of betraying Iroh, and he even seems to care about Iroh's suffering. Not to mention that Azulon is overall annoyed with Ozai's request for an audience and sends the rest of Ozai's family away as soon as he can, to get whatever it is Ozai wants over with.

I could also mention the fact that Ozai tried to impress Azulon with his daughter's skills (Azula, even named after him) and the overall strained relationship these two seem to exhibit. It's obviously very different from Azulon's relationship with Iroh, if the way he talks about said man is anything to show for.

What if Azulon treated Ozai the same way Ozai treated Zuko? (Probably without the physical abuse, but you get my point.) What if this is where Ozai learned to treat a "useless" kid like shit, maybe also in a way to cope with how he was treated himself?

Getting deeper into the fact that Ozai is rather a loser compared to Iroh, without any big military achievements and without value for anything beyond that, this also explains a lot about Ozai's constant need to establish his dominance.

First; Becoming Firelord through radical manners (you know, killing his own son or killing his own father)

Second; Publicly burning and banishing his own son whom he considers a weakling, who dared to speak up in his war room. Doing this to have everyone know that he doesn't associate himself with weakness and that he will not ever tolerate any form of disrespect.

Third; The whole Phoenix King act. No one can tell me this isn't a madman's doing. This is literally to show off that he is the most powerful person in the world.

Ozai is so obsessed with proving himself and his superiority to everyone, including himself and probably Iroh too. This makes most sense if we consider that he probably lived in his brother's shadow for his whole life, ignored by probably every guiding figure he's ever had in his life, maybe even considered a laughingstock by his own father.

Perhaps this is also the reason Ozai didn't have any problem with Iroh accompanying Zuko in banishment. His brother, the hero in whose shadow he grew up, and his son, the failure he'd wanted out of the way for a long time already. It would erase Iroh's image that made him superior to him, once and for all. For himself and the world. I believe that branding him a traitor was the biggest satisfaction Ozai had ever experienced in his life.

I absolutely despise Ozai with every fibre of my heart, but it amazes me how ATLA continues to leave so much room for interpretation and explanation for a character as despicable as him. Writing this, even had me feel sympathy for him at some point. Feel free to disagree with me or add anything, I'm eager to hear everyone's thoughts about Ozai and Iroh's backstories because I'm geniuinely very curious.

[ursie]

If you were in charge of a disability anthology for either Marvel or DC, which characters would you want featured in it?

Omg hmmm I’m not as well versed in marvel as I’d like nor can I name a huge amount of canon physically disabled characters but hmm

Marvel :

Rictor and Shatterstar disabled4disabled kings

Scott Summers also think it would be cool to touch on Logan’s chronic pain again

Xi’an

Robbie Reyes and his brother Gabe!!

I forget her civilian name but silhouette!!

If written well I think a Wanda and Billy story about mental health would be great if not written perfectly I would literally rather die than see someone slander them again for being mentally ill-in that same line if written well Lorna if not die

God a good Jeanne-Marie/Aurora one..literally could you imagine it I can’t but I can dream

Ok call me a clown but genuinely Tony is disabled and I would like to see that acknowledged sometimes

Forget his name but Thors disabled civ persona!! Along with Jane!!

Clint disabled king

Matt and Maya!!

Could we please have a story about Bucky being disabled in a mildly realistic way 😭

Pre serum Steve would be interesting too!!

Would be cute if one touched on Jubilees learning disabilities too!!

DC

I want to say Oracle Babs but genuinely it would be so distasteful doing a anthology book putting her in there and then going right back to erasing her disability like 😭

Dick!! Like as a physically disabled man but would be nice just seeing mental health and physical health being acknowledged in the batfam as like all of them are heavily coded if not canon disabled anyway

Specifically though autistic Cass and Bruce hours now

Vic!! Literally would love if comics remembered Cyborg is an allegory for a disabled man and that him being a cyborg is literally just prosthetics again 😭

Booster and Roy kings of having their disabilities erased for no reason

Ted!!

Joey and Rose disabled legends!! Slade dni

Honestly a ntt part would nice because literally everyone there..

Guy! I remember your canon brain damage king

Genuinely a Green Lanterns one that acknowledges everyone’s mental & physical issues and doesn’t just revolve Jessica because she’s not the first disabled gl like. 😭 would be nice

I think Aquaman should get to be sexy for a chapter and yes he’s a villain and Manta being Autistic was direct ableist correlation in the comics but also I would like to see it again

No thought pieces on Arkham I’m done w thought pieces on Arkham. These are comics it’s the genre yes they’re mentally Ill they’re also very much trying to kill everyone no Batman is not secretly ableist I do not want to see it it’s like complaining about child sidekicks is it good? No but this is the genre there are rules to it like villains be villains move on all of that said! Arkham poker night

Mia my girl I miss you

I think it would be nice to bring the Gotham academy back if only for Olive and Maps to have epic disabled moments for a couple pages

[therealvinelle]

So here's my submission for most awkward ask ever, but... would vampires, Carlisle and Aro for instance, need lube? It doesn't seem like the interior lining would be as susceptible to damage as a human's, and vampires don't seem to feel pain easily, either, so.... oh my God this is cursed but I can't stop thinking about it

I’ll have you know I looked up several different versions of “The Sound of Silence” and an unholy amount of youtube clips to find the appropriate link to convey precisely how this ask made me feel. Landed on this one.

So. Onto your question.

As a general disclaimer, I generally try to avoid thinking about vampire sex, because these creatures are literal rock people and I have no idea how this would even work. Their nervous system seems differently wired than ours, they don’t feel pain the way we do, that could mean their pleasure is different as well, their instincts are animalistic, nearly feral, and their brains have a sensory input much higher than ours.

Who even knows how their muscles work.

To answer your question, though, humans need lube for two main reasons. One reason is to reduce the risk of tearing, as the tissue of the anal sphincter and rectum is delicate, and the other reason is to reduce pain/increase pleasure.

(I did entirely too much research for did ask to be sure I didn’t give wrong answers, and can therefore inform curious souls that there’s a specific word for pain during receptive anal sex, anodyspareunia.)

Vampires can certainly rule out reason number one. Their skin is incredibly strong, nearly impenetrable. It takes special materials like the teeth of a shapeshifter or vampire to pierce it. We never in the books actually see anyone physically tear someone’s limbs off, so there’s a chance you have to bite to get the limb off. So no, there won’t be injuries, as friction alone can’t cause tears.

As vampires appear feel no pain when struck or punched, but do feel pain when they’re torn apart or bitten, it seems they're like most other organisms in that they feel only the pain relevant to their survival. I therefore don’t think they’d require lubrication to reduce pain either, their nerves don’t register it.

But do they need it for pleasure?

To answer that one - why do vampires have sex?

They reproduce asexually. New vampires are created by biting humans, and as all they want to do is bite people they have the urge for both self-sustenance and reproduction in place already. It’s extremely hard to then stop so the fertility rate is kept low, but fewer vampires means fewer competitors for the food source, so it works out for the species’ survival overall. Besides, the animal kingdom is full of creatures (us among them) for whom reproduction is a difficult, arduous process.

My point here is that there is no evolutionary reason for vampires to feel sexual pleasure. Sex has lost its biological function. (Yes, males can impregante female humans, but if that was the reason for the males’ retained sexual function then they should have been attracted to female humans by default. It’s instead an extremely rare proclivity, in all of known history (and considering Aro’s gift, there likely haven’t been others) only Edward and Joham have created hybrids.)

In spite of all this, female vampires have a sexuality. Bella goes so far as to enjoy sex more as a vampire than she did as a human, and we have every reason to believe she’s representative in this.

I think vampires retain sexual desire to aid in their survival.

It brings them together, forges strong emotional bonds and motivates them to protect one another. Peter’s budding romantic love for Charlotte saved her life, while Maria used it as a tool to control Jasper. In a world without laws, institutions, society, or shared values, sex becomes one of the very few things keeping people together.

To say nothing of how it keeps loneliness, monotony, and depression at bay. I imagine it’s invaluable to mental health, even for vampires.

Because of this I believe male vampires would retain the ability to enjoy receptive anal intercourse just as well as females enjoy sex. It serves the same purpose. As a result I think lubricants would be redundant for pleasure.

So, with no injuries to prevent, given the fact that vampirs appear to have retained sexual function solely for its own sake, and because vampires are generally aliens whose bodies are very different from ours, I don’t see how our rules for anal penetration would apply to vampires.

[lover-of-skellies]

Marked

So uhh, this isn’t off the prompt list thing and literally no one asked for it, but I decided to go back and edit a super old thing I wrote. It’s supposed to be part of something a lot bigger, but for now, the whole thing’s been discontinued

Essentially, this is an OC insert kinda thing with my girl Adrienne. She’s been trapped in Horrortale for a little while, and since Sans decided to be merciful, she’s been allowed to live in a spare room in his and Pap’s house. She has free roam of the house and can do pretty much whatever the hell she wants (as long as it doesn’t involve getting into the pantry and digging into their reserves), and in exchange for all of that and being allowed to live, he and Papyrus have some super basic rules they expect her to follow

Rule number 1 is that she is to be helpful, and try to maintain the house while they’re away. Rule number two is that she’s not to leave the house without covering her face and hands. Rule number three is that she’s never to leave the house alone, without one or both of them nearby

Out of boredom and hunger, she leaves the house one day, following the smell of food. This doesn’t seem like it’d be anything huge, but it’s a major no-no, and it doesn’t go unpunished

Papyrus is also surprisingly good at giving advice, too. He might not have much experience with dating, but he knows exactly what he's talking about

If you make it to the end, I have to give you kudos because this is a complete cringe-fest ^^"

((Gonna add some potential trigger warnings for: angst, slight violence, and public humiliation))

Pain.

Searing pain.

The once blue-nette had been exploring the town, much to her guardians’ displeasure. She’d known it wasn’t a good idea, and for what reasons, she was well aware, but she had to do something. Staying holed away in the house every moment of every day was a completely new level of boring, one that she hadn’t even known existed. Her guardian had made it very clear that she was to never leave the house unless he or his brother were to accompany her, but today… well. His brother was away, probably at the capital getting physically and verbally abused by their queen, and he himself? She wasn’t sure what he did while he was away, but she’d learned not to ask too many questions. The first few times she tried asking, he’d been quick to change the subject or dodge her questions entirely, or he’d simply laugh and make a joke which he deemed hilarious when in reality, it wasn’t. Once he got tired of her asking, his humor quickly dissipated and was replaced by anger. He didn’t even have to look at her for her to know he was upset; all it took was a few short, clipped responses, and how she could practically hear him frown when he spoke. That’s beside the point though.

At the moment, she was suspended in mid air by her throat, her legs flailing as she began clawing at her assailant’s arm, her teeth bared as she struggled to free herself. The slightly withered fire monster shrugged off her attempts to attack him as if they were nothing at all; even though his strength had been diminished and was now only half of what it used to be, he was still far tougher than she could ever hope to be. Having smelled food, she made the mistake of slipping into the bar he owned, her hood tugged as far over her face as possible. She had glanced around the establishment, taken note of the other monsters nearby, and made another mental note of where all the exits were, should she need to run. After very cautiously crossing the bar and taking a seat at the old, worn counter, the flamesman had wordlessly poured a glass of water. He nudged it in her direction, and she’d eagerly accepted it, being mindful of how much of her face was concealed as she sipped the cold beverage.

For a moment, she was relaxed, and she nearly forgot the very real danger she was in. She was snapped out of her brief feeling of serenity as the Grillby fully shifted his attention to her. He made a soft, questioning sound, and she kept her head low, speaking just barely loud enough for him to hear, “What’re ya serving, Grillby?” He grunted, well prepared to offer her a short, yet simple answer, but was cut off by another monster who seated himself beside the girl, “I don’t think I’ve seen you around these parts before, friend… where are you from?” The teen lowered her gaze to the countertop, catching a glimpse of what looked to be faded blue fur. She didn’t know what monster could possibly want to talk to her, but she remained as calm and casual as possible in hope of not drawing any more attention to herself, “The ruins.”

With their interest now fully piqued, the monster beside her hummed incredulously, “The ruins, huh?... I take it you’ve met our former queen then. Toriel.” Upon hearing the familiar goat monster’s name, the teen saw images flicker in her mind; memories of her time in the ruins before she managed to escape. How Toriel had guided her through all the traps and puzzles that laid in waiting. How she held her close and allowed her to sob into her shoulder. How she’d convinced Adrienne to go back to her house, where there’d be a warm bed, food, and all the love and care she could ever want. Toriel had baked a cinnamon and butterscotch pie, very excited to share it with her, but not long after the teen had eaten a small slice, she’d felt her stomach turn. Her world went black, and when she awoke, she was tucked into a bed in a dimly lit room, which looked as though it had once belonged to a child. She felt incredibly ill and had almost no strength, and she could barely stand without feeling light headed. To her surprise, however, her willing ally, Flowey, had made a surprise return. Adrienne had seen Toriel had burn him alive, so she didn’t understand how he was even still alive.

Flowey had been through this exact same situation too many times to count, as it turned out, and he’d revealed Toriel’s true intentions: make the teen weak enough to require constant care and attention, and make her stay in the ruins forever. Or at the very least, until she died. Taking advantage of a distraction provided by Flowey, she’d waited for the goat monster to disappear to another part of the house. She’d then made her way to the kitchen and began to search around the floorboards. According to Flowey, there was a panel that could be removed, and underneath it, she’d find the remedy she needed to regain her health. She’d found the vial and downed it without question, only to look up and see the crazed goat monster staring at her from the doorway. The look on her face was one that still occasionally haunted Adrienne's dreams, and she’d been trying to go as long as possible without thinking about it. It appeared as though she’d be getting no such luck today, though.

Clearing her throat and trying to force down her growing anxiety, she nodded, keeping her head down, “Yeah, I have. I’ve met her.” The blue furred stranger watched her with an unnerving amount of intensity and she fought the urge to squirm and lean away from them. As they spoke again, their voice held a curious edge, “Huh. I can only imagine how that went.” Nodding silently, the teen returned to her glass of water, more than ready for the stranger to go away. She knew what would happen if she was discovered, and she wanted no part of that whatsoever.

The monster leaned closer to her and sniffed the air, letting out a pleased sigh before mumbling, “Friend… you don’t exactly smell like one of us. Monsters have their own natural and unique scents... But you, however,” A fuzzy paw-like hand seized her arm with a vice-like grip, and the stranger's voice shifted from a mumble to what was more like a hiss, “you smell like you belong on the grill.” Adrienne began attempting to yank her arm back out of the monster’s grasp and they laughed, simply using their free hand to tug her hood down, revealing her identity to Grillby and the other bar patrons that surrounded them. Her faded grey eyes widened in fear as the monsters began to shout at the flamesman, excitedly demanding that he cook her for them. Despite how the teen shook her head in protest, the mass of living fire moved closer to her, rapidly snatching her up by the throat. She was lifted off of the ground, and he ignored her pained screams as the heat from his hand began to scorch the skin of her neck.

With adrenaline now coursing through her veins, she let out a string of expletives and pulled both of her legs up until her knees touched her chest. The flamesman took a single step toward his kitchen, and then froze as both of her deceptively weak legs shot toward him, delivering a sharp kick to the space just below his chest. She didn’t expect her little stunt to actually work, but to her pleasant surprise, he’d released his grip on her out of shock, gingerly touching the now injured part of himself. Adrienne dropped to the floor and quickly regained her balance, paying no attention to the few monsters who rushed to Grillby’s side. She proceeded to climb over the counter and sprint toward the door, the footsteps behind her a clear indicator that she was being pursued now. Not that she could blame them for any though; food was insanely hard to come by, so if you had a chance to eat but the food got up and ran, wouldn’t you go after it too?

Reaching out with a clawed hand, some unseen monster snagged a fistful of her hair and harshly pulled, causing her to yelp and almost tumble to the floor. She glanced around, surveying her surroundings and checking the exits again. Part of what looked to be a dog’s muzzle could be seen in her peripheral vision and she winced, struggling to free herself from the creature's grip. She only received an amused cackle from the monster in question, followed by him instructing some of the others to grab her and haul her back to the kitchen for Grillby. Looking around again and seeing them approaching her, she stuffed her hand into one of her pockets and fished around, searching through the various items inside for a moment before revealing a pocket knife. Unsure of what she might do, some of the monsters around her stepped back, but the one still pulling her hair only growled. Though she felt the hair on the back of her neck raise at the sound, she lifted an arm and made one single, fluid slicing motion with her hand, the blade of the pocket knife slicing through her hair. While she hated having to cut her hair and knew it’d take forever to grow back, she bared her teeth at the large dog monster, her lips curling into a smug grin as she noticed the look of surprise on his face.

Taking advantage of the moment, she darted to the nearest door, fully prepared to run out into the freezing streets and make a mad dash back to her protector’s house. Freedom and safety were so close and within her reach now, but as she whipped the door open and scrambled to get outside, she slammed face first into yet another monster. Letting out a frustrated and startled screech, she began trying to squeeze past them. They simply chuckled, wrapping an arm around her nearly size-zero waist and pulling her flush against themselves. Hearing the chuckle, realization dawned on her; this was her protector. She would be safe now.

She stole a glance up at his face and his scarlet iris flickered briefly down to her, his amused grin shifting into a taut line. Oh, she knew that expression all too well by now.

From that look alone, she knew someone would be hurt today.

Though his arm was almost uncomfortably tight around her, she said nothing, only turning her body slightly and burying her face in the front of his heavily blood stained shirt. The teen whimpered, wordlessly admitting just how scared she really was at the moment. He shifted his focus entirely to the other monsters that were now staring at both of them, and sensing their gaze, the teen whined faintly, her guardian lightly squeezing her in an effort to reassure her.

Thoroughly confused as to why she wasn’t dead yet, someone called out to her protector, “Perfect timing, Sans. Now how about you kill her so we can all eat already?” The skeleton’s normally rough voice held a bitter edge and he practically growled, “She ain’t free game, pal. I’m sorry ta say it, but I won’t be hackin’ this one ta bits for ya.” A crowd was beginning to form now and Adrienne tried to press as close to her friend as she could, wishing everyone would hurry up and leave. She already hated crowds on their own, and knowing that this particular crowd all wanted to see her get roasted alive didn’t exactly make her feel any better. Clearly taken aback, the same monster that’d addressed Sans spoke up again, “Oh really? And why’s that? You never helped the humans that fell before her, so what makes her so special?”

Curiosity piqued, she glanced up at the skeleton again, though he didn’t return the gaze. He just continued staring the other monster down, his iris nearly glowing now from the extent of his agitation, “Because she’s mine. Ya hear me? This little slab a’ meat belongs ta me.” A tiny burst of heat rushed to her face upon hearing his response; was he really claiming her right now? Claiming that she was his, and using his power over the others to coerce them into sparing her? Unbelievable.

Another monster decided to interject, countering Sans’ statement with, “Then how come you haven’t marked her yet?”

Oh boy. Of course someone would ask. Why wouldn’t they? She had no idea what she was expecting, but it clearly wasn’t that. With an annoyed huff, the skeleton spun her around, making sure everyone could see her face as he fired back with another sharp retort, “Heh, funny you should ask. I was on my way home with the intention of doin’ just that, but I guess we won’t have the privacy now. Oh well. All you fuckwits better be watchin’, because I’m only gonna do this once.”

Wait, he was going to mark her? Here? In front of everyone?

Face burning with embarrassment, she dropped her gaze to the floor, letting out a soft squeak as he grabbed the collar of her shirt and jacket and pulled them aside to reveal her shoulder. Not bothering to give any indication of what he was about to do, a faintly glowing blue tongue snaked out of his maw and traced over a very specific patch of her skin. The feeling of his tongue - which consisted solely of highly concentrated magic - on her skin was like nothing she’d experienced before. There was some warmth to it that was followed by a tingle, which was likely caused by the magic itself, and another involuntary whimper slipped past her lips. Her face grew hotter at hearing herself make that sound again, which to her horror, Sans had also heard. It earned a soft chuckle from him and his mandible shifted into a pleased grin.

And then he sunk his teeth into her shoulder.

It happened so fast that she didn’t even have time to register what happened, but at the lack of the expected pain, she unconsciously fidgeted. Wasn’t this supposed to hurt?... What was preventing her from being in pain right now? She felt his tongue trace over her skin again, accompanied by more tingling and… numbness? Had he intentionally numbed her shoulder before biting her?

Seeing that he had been true to his word and had in fact marked her, the other monsters quickly grew bored, the vast majority of them also visibly disappointed as they returned to their prior activities. A sense of relief washed over her and she sighed, stealing a quick glance at her friend as he slowly released her. His tongue lingered behind momentarily and lapped up the blood that seeped from the injury, and his voice took a husky tone as he purred, “Ya taste good, kiddo. I think I could get used ta this.” Her already flushed face became a much brighter shade of red than before and she scoffed, refusing to look at him, “Don’t count on it, mister.” “Awe, c’mon Addy. Help me out here… it’s not my fault that ya taste as good as ya look.” Growling softly, Adrienne scrunched her face up into a look of annoyance in hopes of masking her embarrassment as she rolled her eyes, “Pervert.” “No idea what you’re talkin’ about.” “Uh huh, right. I definitely believe that.” He lightly jabbed her side with the tip of a phalange and she squirmed, yelping in surprise. She tried to twist her small frame away from him and he laughed softly, “Whatever. How about we ditch this place and head home now? This bar is no place for a little lady like ya.” Looking back at him over her shoulder, she flicked her tongue at him.

They’d left the bar and began to walk home in uncomfortable silence. The moment they made it back to his house and he’d set her down, she found herself being roughly shoved against the closed front door with one of his large hands catching her wrists and pinning them above her head. Her eyes widened in shock and she squirmed, “H-Hey, what the hell are you-” Meeting her gaze, the look he wore was enough to silence her, his completely dilated red iris both captivating and terrifying her all at once.

Then he spoke, his gruff voice low, “You disobeyed me, Adrienne.”

Forcing her voice out and reaching nothing louder than a whisper, she frowned, “I… I know I did. I’m really sorry, Sans. I won’t do it again, I swear.” “Do you have any idea what would’ve happened if I didn’t get ta you in time?” “Yes, I do! Really!” “If you knew the risks, then why’d you do it?” Feeling much smaller than before as he continued staring her down, Adrienne sheepishly looked away from him, “There’s just.... Not a lot to do here when you and Paps are gone, and I was bored. I did a bunch of cleaning and reorganizing, and I even tried to fix the TV. I dug through the hallway closet and looked through the games, but do you have any idea how hard it is to actually play a game by yourself and have fun at the same time?”

With his free hand, the skeleton cupped his face, letting a deep sigh, “You risked your life… you risked dying, because you were bored? Am I hearin’ that right?” Feeling guilty, she slowly nodded, choosing to keep her mouth shut this time. Catching her completely by surprise, what sounded like a giggle could be heard, and though it took a moment to fully register, she had a realization that made her blood run cold; the giggle came from Sans.

Nervously lifting her gaze again to look up at him, the only thing that began to pulse within her was regret. Regret that she’d disobeyed him, regret that she went against his wishes, regret that she’d upset him so badly, regret that she even opened her mouth at all to speak to him, and most of all, regret that she’d decided to look at him.

He leaned back the smallest bit, one hand still firmly pinning her wrists above her head. Her eyes widened in complete terror as his giggling began to escalate, growing louder and louder until he was roaring with laughter as blue tinted tears pricked at the rims of his sockets. Not bothering to wipe away the tears, he placed his free hand on his face. His open palm rested on his cheek as he curled his fingers, the first two settling inside his empty socket; judging by the slight movement his arm made, he’d begun lightly tugging on the rim of it. That was never a good sign. Yes, she loved it when he relaxed enough to laugh with her from time to time, but this display right now? This was the stuff of nightmares.

Then almost as quickly as it’d started, his laughter came to an abrupt halt and his wide grin vanished, leaving only a resentful scowl behind in its place. As his focus shifted back to the teen, her heart began to race. She honestly had no idea what he planned to do now. He then began to slowly tighten his grip on her wrists, a soft growl rumbling from within his chest. Paying no attention to the grimace of pain she wore as his phalanges began digging into her skin, he leaned down, the space between them reduced to almost nothing as he hissed, “You’re an idiot. Get out of my goddamn sight, human.” Adrienne opened her mouth to force an apology out but was quickly cut off, crying out in surprise and pain as the skeleton dug his phalanges even further into her wrists and began to break skin. Rolling his single eye light, he scoffed, stepping back and suddenly yanking her to the side, releasing his grip on her wrists in time to make her small body become airborne. With the sound of something cracking and collapsing beneath her, she knew she’d landed at least partially on the coffee table.

Despite the pain that shot through her with even the smallest movement, the cold stare she was receiving from the skeleton was enough to make get back up, her head hung low as her eyes began to water up. Not wanting to show him this weaker, more vulnerable side of herself, she darted up the stairs, her feet padding across the slightly creaky wooden floor for only a brief moment. She then took refuge in the upstairs bathroom, slamming the door shut behind herself and flipping the latch, locking out the world. Trying to force down the very minute amount of guilt that began to bubble up within him, Sans let out an annoyed huff and glanced at the now completely busted coffee table. He was going to have a hell of a time explaining that to Papyrus later.

~~~

What seemed like a century had passed before the youngest of the two skeletons finally returned home, the sight of the smashed coffee table still lying on the floor enough to induce a sense of dread within him. Normally when he came home, his elder brother would greet him, or at the very least, be lazing about on the couch and offer him a half hearted wave that was usually followed by some sort of pun or terrible joke.

But no. Nothing. Sans was nowhere in sight, and neither was Adrienne. This only made Papyrus’ concern grow; he hoped beyond all hope that his brother hadn’t done anything to her.

The tall skeleton let out a soft sigh and crossed the living room. The exhaustion from the long day began to set in as he ascended the stairs, eager to take a shower and change into something more comfortable. He loved his battle body immensely, but sometimes his sore, tired bones made the item feel as though it weighed a thousand pounds. He wished he could simply change his clothes and climb into bed so he could go to sleep, but life wasn’t that simple for him; before he was allowed to relax, he needed to shower and make dinner for his brother and Adrienne, then the teen was to help him clean up the dishes once the three of them had finished eating. After all that, he was to take Adrienne to the backyard to test prototypes for new puzzles and traps. She was kind enough to help him make sure they worked correctly, so he was always vigilant, always watching to make sure she was never injured on any of them. Aside from being a puzzle and trap tester, his rather small human friend also delighted in helping him think of new puzzles, and she even designed some of her own. She seemed to enjoy partaking in games of pretend when they messed around with the action figures he’d collected over the years, and when Sans wasn’t around or flat out refused to do it, she didn’t mind reading to him before he fell asleep each night, either. They’d grown very close, and he cared for her almost as much as he cared for Sans. It was for all those reasons why he promised to protect her; he had to protect her. He’d become used to her presence and had grown to appreciate their friendship very much, and having her as his friend helped fill the void in his soul that was once occupied by the queen herself. He still considered Undyne a close friend, but the way she spoke and treated him now was… Execrable.

As he twisted the knob and nudged his bedroom door open, the scent of blood hit his nasal cavity and he felt his body tense. Gently pushing the door shut behind his massive frame once he’d crossed the threshold, he made his way to his desk and flicked on the small lamp that resided on its far left corner, the light illuminating his multitude of action figures and an old map.

The faint sound of movement caught Papyrus’ attention and he looked down toward the source, almost unable to believe what he was seeing; the human was in his bed, lying on her side and wrapped in his old blankets. An open first aid kit sat on the floor next to the bed, and cloth bandages were wrapped loosely around her slender neck. Her hair, which was once nearly long enough to reach her lower back, was now much shorter; it looked as though it was cut hastily by some sort of blade. While her arms were mostly concealed by the blankets, he could see that her wrists had also been wrapped in bandages, a familiar crimson threatening to seep through the material. As she shifted again in her slumber, her shirt began to slip down her shoulder and revealed another large bandage, more crimson staining the fabric. His brow bones furrowed as he took note of how the crimson staining it formed a half circle… as if the injury was because of a bite.

In his consternation, Papyrus reached out, a single gloved hand settling on her uninjured shoulder. He leaned down, his spine already aching from the awkward angle as he lowered his voice and did his best not to startle her, “Human?... Adrienne? Please, I Need You To Wake Up. Come On Human, Please.” As she slowly began to stir, he fought the urge to scoop her up into his arms and shelter her from whatever had left her in her current condition.

As her eyes fluttered open and she took notice of the skeleton towering over her, all traces of exhaustion vanished and her eyes widened, a sound of surprise slipping past her lips. In her momentary panic, she’d sat up and tried to move away from him, her chest heaving as she drew in one deep breath after another. Papyrus gently shushed her, offering her a weak, apologetic smile, “Hey, Hey, It’s Alright. It’s Just Me, Adrienne. I Didn’t Mean To Startle You, I Swear. I’m So Sorry For Scaring You.”

Registering who was with her, the teen released a deep sigh of relief. She gave Papyrus no time to prepare himself before she practically threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around whatever she could reach before clinging to his battle body. Though he was visibly caught off guard, he delicately encircled her with his arms, one hand finding her uninjured shoulder again before he lightly squeezed, his voice laced with concern, “Adrienne?... What’s Wrong? What Happened To You?”

The only response he received from the girl in his arms was a muffled sob and he frowned, moving his hand from her shoulder to her face. He used his index finger to tilt her head back, allowing him to see her tear stained face, and as her bottom lip twitched and another tear rolled down her cheek, he frowned; normally she was such a strong, upbeat person. To see her this way was heartbreaking.

The skeleton lowered his voice even further, reducing it to a whisper, “Adrienne, Please… Tell Me What Happened. I Want To Help You.” Her lip twitched again and she sniffled, reaching up to wipe her tears away with her sleeve, “I just… Papy… I just wanted to go outside... I just wanted some fresh air… I didn’t mean for this to happen.” Still frowning, Papyrus gently ran his fingers through her hair and tilted his head, his voice remaining low, “What Do You Mean?... Did Sans Do This To You?” Upon hearing the name of the older skeleton brother, Adrienne tightened her grip on Papyrus, her voice beginning to waver as more tears rolled down her face, gathering at her jaw and dripping down onto her shirt, “Papy… I was so stupid. I made him mad at me. I upset Sans.”

Papyrus’ frown deepened; he knew how his brother could be whenever he had one of his episodes, and never in a million years would he wish for anyone to become the recipient of Sans' delirium. The skeleton sighed as he gently stroked the teen’s hair, “It’ll Be Ok, I Promise. You May Stay Here Tonight If You’d Like, And I’ll Be Sure To Speak With Him About This. Do You Think You Could Tell Me Everything, Though? I Can’t Be Of Any Help To You If I Don’t Know All The Details.” With a heavy heart, she slowly nodded and looked up, meeting his gaze, “I… I went outside today... by myself. I went into town, and I went to Grillby’s. It smelled like food in there, and I was so hungry… I thought I’d find something to eat. I kept myself as covered as possible, but I was caught and got grabbed by Grillby,” she paused, visibly ashamed as she gestured to her neck, “…I got burned.”

The skeleton made a soft sound in understanding and nodded, silently asking her to continue, which she did, “Someone else grabbed my hair and I had to cut it to get away from them. Then when I opened the door and went to run outside, I ran face first into Sans. He told everyone there not to mess with me, that I wasn’t free game because I belonged to him. Then he marked me. Right there, with everyone watching. He was a little flirty afterward and he seemed happy enough, so I thought everything was ok, but when we got here, he… he had an episode.”

Papyrus didn’t know what to make of everything he’d just been told; on one hand, she suffered numerous injuries and nearly died, and on the other hand, she was marked by Sans.

Normally whenever a monster marked someone, it meant that they saw that person as their mate and that they wanted to claim them as their own. That they loved that person with every fiber of their body and soul. Being marked also served as a way to protect someone from other monsters, but there had been cases of a mark not being enough to guarantee the safety of a monster's mate.

Being marked was not only a big deal, but it was also something that every self respecting monster knew should be done in private. The fact that Sans marked her in the first place was absolutely astounding, but the fact that he had the absolute nerve to take something that was meant to be special, shared between mates and no one else, and turned it into some obscene gesture that he performed in front of a crowd, undoubtedly humiliating Adrienne in the process… It was unacceptable.

He needed to speak to Sans, and he needed to do it now.

Releasing a deep sigh, Papyrus lifted a hand to idly rub the back of his neck, “I See… I Cannot Apologize Enough On My Brother’s Behalf. I’ll See If I Can Get Anything Out Of Him That Would Explain Why He’d Behave This Way. Hopefully… Hopefully He Doesn’t Clam Up, Like He Seems To Always End Up Doing. Will You Be Alright Here While I’m Away? I Don’t Want To Leave You Alone If You’re Still Feeling A Little Too Overwhelmed And Freaked Out By Everything.” The teen sniffled, absentmindedly wiping her face with her sleeve again as she nodded, “Uh huh… I think so.” Catching the slight uncertainty in her voice, he offered her a reassuring smile, “I’ll Try To Be Back As Soon As Possible, Alright? How About You Pick Out Some Puzzles For Us To Work On When I Return? A Few Good Puzzles Always Help Me Feel Better Whenever I’m A Bit Rattled, So I’m Confident They’ll Do The Same For You, Too!” Adrienne couldn’t help the small smile that curled her lips upward at how eager he was to help her, and she nodded again, “Ok, Pap… that sounds good to me. When you get back, do you think maybe you could help me fix my bandages a little? Some of them are still too loose and I dunno if I missed any little spots anywhere.” Perking up at the request, Papyrus beamed, gently unwrapping his arms from around her and ruffling her hair, “Yes, Of Course! The Great Papyrus Would Be Happy To Assist You, Adrienne!” Letting go of the skeleton, Adrienne smiled up at him; he was such a sweet guy, and despite their circumstances, he was always so optimistic. He still maintained a sense of morality as well, unlike the other monsters. She honestly wasn’t sure what she’d do without him at times.

Reluctantly parting from his small human friend, Papyrus slipped out of the room, carefully closing the door behind himself. Once he was gone, Adrienne sighed, climbing out of his bed and making her way over to a shelf. As she looked over the various boxes and puzzle books, she came to the conclusion that it probably didn’t matter which one she chose; as long as it’d keep her and that goofball busy for a while, it was good enough for her. As she reached out to grab a thick puzzle book, she winced. Her free hand moved to gingerly touch the bandage on her shoulder; at the twinge of pain, her mind drifted to Sans. After earlier, she should’ve learned her lesson and given up on disobeying the very specific rules that her friends had established. She was a curious being by nature though, and she’d be damned if she had to go on without receiving any answers.

Her curiosity and desire to know why Sans would mark her grew even stronger. She grabbed the puzzle book and dropped it on Papyrus’ bed, before peeking out of the room and glancing around the hall. Against her better judgement, she began to search for the pair of brothers. The most logical place Sans would be at this time of night would be in his room, or downstairs on the living room sofa. If those two places weren’t it, then she’d have to check the basement. No biggie. As she tiptoed down the empty hallway, she briefly paused to look over the railing and down into the living room, and found that Sans was nowhere in sight. On her way toward the stairs, she caught the sound of a mumbled conversation through Sans’ closed bedroom door and froze; she knew better than to go into his room without knocking, so she opted to stay in the hall and eavesdrop, rather than barge in on whatever he and Papyrus were talking about at the moment.

Inside the closed off room, Sans rolled his eye light, trying his best to brush off the lecture he was receiving from his younger brother. It’s not like he did anything to Papyrus personally, so he didn’t understand why Pap thought he needed to get involved. Not in the slightest. Completely exasperated with Sans’ stubbornness, Papyrus pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a deep sigh, “Sans, Honestly. You Didn’t Have To Take It That Far. The Poor Girl’s Probably Traumatized And Too Ashamed To Ever Want To Leave The House Again.” Sans grunted, flopping down onto his back on his old, worn mattress, “Remind me how that’s a bad thing again, Pap. So far, I’m not seein’ any problems with it.” The taller of the two inhaled deeply, briefly closing his sockets as he tried to gather his thoughts, “Sans… Brother. I Love You, But What You Did Today Wasn’t Ok. I Don’t Understand Why You’re So Calm And Casual About It.” Gaining a very clearly agitated edge, Sans practically growled, “It’s really fuckin’ simple. If she’s too ashamed ta leave the house, then good! At least she’ll stay put then and save me a lot a’ trouble in the future.”

Not even remotely threatened by his older brother’s tone of voice, Papyrus snapped, suddenly shouting, “LANGUAGE, SANS. MAYBE SHE DIDN’T LISTEN TO YOU, BUT THAT’S NO REASON TO TREAT HER THIS WAY. IT IS MOST CERTAINLY NOT A VALID REASON TO GO AND PUBLICLY HUMILIATE HER, THEN COME HOME AND SCARE HER HALF TO DEATH, EITHER. YOU ALSO BROKE THE COFFEE TABLE, SANS. SOME OF US HAVE TO PAY FOR THINGS LIKE THAT, YOU KNOW!”

From her spot in the hallway, Adrienne flinched, her eyes widening. Not once had she ever seen Papyrus so upset that he shouted like this. This was a whole new experience, and she could already say that it was both surprising and terrifying all at once.

The shorter of the two let out an exaggerated groan, beginning to absentmindedly tap the tips of his phalanges on the bed as he stared up at the ceiling, “As far as the table goes, I’ll replace the damn thing if it really means that much ta you. What am I supposed ta do about the kid though? If I really scared her as much as you’re sayin’ I did, then she won’t want anythin’ ta do with me. It’s not like I can just walk up to her and go, ‘hey, you know that day when I got mad at you? I’m sorry and I won’t do it again.’” Papyrus hummed, crossing his arms over his chest, “Well… A Sincere Apology Is Only Half Of What I Think You Owe Her.” “Yeah? And what’s the other half?” “To Be Completely Blunt About It, She Knows What It Means To Be Marked.”

The older skeleton brother nearly choked on air, his cheekbones dusting a soft shade of blue, “What the hell?… Ok, then… What about it? Everyone probably knows what it means.” “What I’m Saying Is That She Knows Monsters Wouldn’t Mark Anyone Unless That Person Was Tremendously Important To Them, And Unless They Saw Them As Their Mate. Not Only Is There That, But She Told Me That You Were Somewhat Flirtatious Toward Her After The Incident Today At Grillby’s. You’re Sending Some Incredibly Mixed Signals, Sans. She More Than Likely Was Under The Impression That You Have Some Very Strong Feelings For Her, But Then You Came Home And Basically Told Her To Get Lost Before Throwing Her At The Coffee Table. She Has No Idea Where She Stands Right Now. The Other Half Of What You Need To Do Is Be Honest With Her. Tell Her If You Feel Something For Her, Or Tell Her If You Don’t. Just Make It Clear To Her So She Knows What She Is To You.”

Bolting upright into a sitting position, Sans stared up at his younger brother in disbelief, “So you’re suggestin’ that I go confess my love ta her or somethin’? Is that what you’re tryna tell me right now, Papyrus?” “If You Love Her, Then Yes, That Is Exactly What I’m Trying To Tell You.” Pressing his index and middle finger to one of his temples, the older of the two narrowed his sockets, grumbling under his breath, “Ya gotta be fuckin’ kiddin’ me… this is so stupid…” Taking a seat on the edge of the bed beside Sans, Papyrus arched a brow bone and tilted his head, “Language, Brother… All Of This Might Seem Stupid To You, Maybe, But It’s A Big Deal And It Needs To Be Addressed. If You Really See Her As Your Mate, She Needs To Know. And Hey, It’s Alright To Feel Embarrassed About This Sort Of Thing. It’s Completely Natural. For Starters, Maybe You Could Try To Help Me Better Understand Your Reasons For Marking Her? I’m All Ears! In A... Manner Of Speaking.”

Sans snuck an uncertain glance up at him and let out a deep sigh, leaning forward to cover both eyes with his hands, “...Don’t make me talk about this right now, Pap. Please. I can’t do it. I just can’t, what if I-” Papyrus was quick to wrap his arms around his older brother, lightly squeezing his shoulder, “Sans, No. Stop. You’re Overthinking Again. Take A Deep Breath And Try To Relax. It’s Just Me Here, And If You Preferred That I Don’t Tell Her What You Say, Then I Won’t. You Have My Word. Just Trust Me… That’s All I’m Asking Of You Right Now. Please, Just Trust Me.”

[darisu-chan]

burnin' up

Welcome to another IR Month!

Today, I bring you this one-shot which is the opposite of keeping cool. Just what we need for this summer day.

Hope you guys enjoy it!

You can also read it here.

Prompt: keep your cool

Summary:When it is hot out, the best solution is to go to the beach and swim to keep cool…right?

It is terribly hot this summer.

Not that other summers haven’t been as hot, or even hotter than this. But for some reason, Ichigo feels the heat way more this year. He can’t quite put his finger on it. He just knows it is too hot and nothing he has tried so far has been able to cool him down. And, look, he was born in summer. He is used to the flames, the scorching heat, the shinning sun on his back. He does prefer sunny days to the rain, it’s true. And yet, this year the heat has been excruciating. Ice cream, ice cubes, fans. Nothing has seemed to work. At this point, he’s not sure there is anything out there that will make the heat go away.

If he’s this bothered, just imagine Rukia.

She is miserable.

Honestly, Ichigo wouldn’t have expected it to be any different. She was born in the middle of winter, and her zanpakutō is a snow one, a literal Snow White. Of course Rukia has never done great in the summer. But especially not this one. Summers in Karakura can be a pain in the ass, but Ichigo reiterates this summer in particular has been the worst so far. So, Rukia’s been a mess. Red hot cheeks, sweat running down her neck, short skirts, lethargy. It is obvious how uncomfortable she is. And, well, Ichigo feels for her. He doesn’t do the greatest in winter, so he can sympathize with her current state. He wants to do something for her. She had taken a few weeks off to visit him after all, and Ichigo can’t help but blame himself for her current state. If she had stayed in the Soul Society, maybe she wouldn’t feel like this. But no. He can’t afford to think in this way. So, instead, he looks for solutions until he finds one.

The beach.

It is so obvious he wants to slap himself.

Of course they should go to the beach!

It would still be hot, sure, however the ocean water and the breeze are always cool. Thank you, Pacific Ocean for your cold water! Besides, it is the only place where wearing little clothing is socially acceptable. Not to mention the cold drinks, ice popsicles, and other such delicacies that are sold on the beach. And the fact that going on a trip is always a welcome change in the routine. Ichigo’s not sure Rukia has gone many times to the beach, least of all to enjoy herself without worrying about the fate of the world.

So, it is decided that they will go.

“The beach?” Rukia mutters out loud once he tells her the news.

“Yep. The beach.” He simply answers and he can’t help the grin that forms on his mouth.

“What spurred this decision?” She questions him, clearly confused.

“Oh, I know what spurred this decision!” Old goat chin interjects from behind him, but Ichigo ignores him.

“I think it’d be better to enjoy the beach than being stuck here in this heat.”

Rukia stops and thinks for a moment, remembering the terrible heat she’s felt with no respite. She immediately nods her head.

“Agreed.”

That Monday, they decide, will be the day they go to the beach. They believe it will be less crowded than on a weekend, but given it is summer after all, it is a give or take. So for three days they prepare for the event, getting everything they will need: towels, a picnic basket, water bottles, swimsuits, backpacks, flip flops, sunscreen, and the like. For a moment, Ichigo stops and wonders if Rukia even knows how to swim ─ she flicks his forehead while rolling her eyes, “Tawake! Of course I know how to swim!” ─ All the while, he ignores Karin’s snide remarks, Yuzu’s smiles and his father’s perverted comments.

The night before they leave, Isshin even sits him down on his room, with a serious look on his face, which makes all the hair in Ichigo’s body stand on end.

“Now, son, I understand this is your first trip with Rukia with just the two of you, alone. So there are some things that, as a man, you need to know.”

Ichigo’s face starts burning as he stands up and sprints away from his father. Oh, hell no! He is not about to receive the talk when he’s already twenty one! And, yes, he’s pretty much aware this will be the first time he’s going to be alone with Rukia for a few days ever since their relationship changed. But it’s not like he’s planning on doing anything perverted! His intentions are pure, damnit! Yet, a little voice in his head wonders if this trip will make things change once more. When it comes to Rukia, he never knows how things are going to go. It is highly probable they will keep their hands to themselves. However, there is a teeny tiny possibility that they will cross uncharted territory. And, not gonna lie, that frightens Ichigo. Not because he doesn’t want to. But he is scared about the repercussion such a change might bring to their relationship. They have just been able to navigate this thing between them, he doesn’t want anything to ruin it! Particularly not such an adult thing to do. So, he puts those thoughts aside and goes to sleep. He tries to think about waves, sand, fish, beach balls, and definitely not in a scathingly clothed Rukia.

The next morning, Ichigo wakes up feeling refreshed and with a new outlook. He decides he is just going to enjoy this experience, whatever happens, with no expectations. When he meets Rukia in the kitchen, she is positively beaming. She is wearing a baby blue dress with a bow in the front. On her head rests a straw hat with a matching blue ribbon and her feet sport white sandals. She looks radiant. Ichigo has to look away for a moment, less he be forever blinded by her brilliance.

“Ready?”

“Yes!” She exclaims and off they go.

The trip to the beach is quiet. His old man had lent them his van and Ichigo is trying to focus on driving carefully. Though both are technically speaking not alive, that doesn’t mean their physical bodies can’t get hurt. Besides, he doesn’t want Isshin complaining about scratches on his car. Meanwhile, Rukia can’t stop staring outside the passenger seat window. From the corner of his eye, he can see the way her eyes light up the whole way. It is endearing how she manages to find magic in the most mundane of things. The road, cars, random buildings and establishments they pass by, the people. It doesn’t matter how many times she’s visited the human world, things will always be new for Rukia. Ichigo even spies her taking a picture here and there. It makes him feel happy. Happy that he can give him this. More memories. More life.

They make it to the beach by noon.

As expected, there are a lot of tourists there, but not as many as one would have expected. Neither desolate nor filled to the brim. Just the right amount of people. Rukia’s eyes turn ocean blue the moment they land on the golden sands of the beach. She squeals with unbridled joy and is about to sprint to the water when Ichigo stops her.

“We still gotta check in on the hotel.”

He had rented them a room. Nothing too fancy, he is a college student after all. But just enough to be comfortable. Ichigo goes through the usual motions. Gets their card on the lobby, and walks through the floors until they find their room. It is medium-sized with blue walls covered with paintings featuring boats and mermaids. There is just one bathroom, a mini fridge, an old TV. As it had been stated, nothing too fancy. But here is where Ichigo faces his first real problem. There is just one bed. He starts sweating the moment he realizes this, and wonders if he hadn’t specified he wanted two individual beds when he had made the reservations. Instead, there is a single queen sized bed in the room. Rukia doesn’t seem to care as she walks around the room, and opens the balcony to stare at the ocean. Internally, Ichigo screams. He hopes she is not thinking he is sleazy and that he had planned all of this trip with one purpose only. He tries to calm himself. Rukia knows him. She must know he’s not that kind of guy. And it’s not like they have never shared a room or even a bed before, for that matter. It’s just this will be the first time they will be alone. Completely alone with no one to interrupt them. Hopefully, not even Hollows.

While he is having a mental breakdown, Rukia is enjoying the cool breeze coming from the balcony. She opens all the windows and dances around the room. She opens the closet and the drawers. She discovers hangers and a notepad there. Then, she goes into the bathroom and she’s pleased to find a bathtub. Later tonight, she plans on taking a bubble bath to de-stress. Once her exploring is over, Ichigo has calmed down. Rukia is all smiles, with not a hint of displeasure in her face. She either hasn’t noticed the bed or hasn’t cared to think about the implications of it right now. He is grateful for that.

“Do you wanna go to the beach now?” He asks in case the literal elephant in the room is addressed.

Rukia nods enthusiastically. “Yes!”

They go downstairs and walk towards the beach while Rukia asks him a million of questions. Ichigo tries to answer all of them as best as he can. They talk about the peculiar birds she sees ─ “Those are called seagulls.” ─, the people, about volleyball and other beach activities, about the food, and even about Ichigo’s experiences at the beach. Finally, they find a spot under two umbrellas, and they set their towels down.

“We should put on sunscreen.” He says.

Rukia nods and reaches to the hem of her dress. She pulls it up to remove it, revealing inch by inch of creamy white skin. Ichigo’s first thought is that she will need to reapply sunscreen every two hours at least or she’s definitely going to get sunburned. His next thought is, wow, that’s too much skin! By all means, Rukia’s bikini is an average bikini as far as swimsuits go. The top doesn’t reveal too much cleavage and the bottom part covers everything that it should cover. But, man, he has never seen that much of her skin! Alright, that’s not exactly true. Though it’s not like anybody needs to know that! Still, this is new.

Rukia’s bikini is a deep violet, which matches her eyes. It has white polka dots, and the design is visually pleasing. Ichigo wonders where she had even gotten it. Had Urahara given it to her? He hopes not or he is going to kill the man. But regardless of where she got it, he can appreciate what it does to her figure. The top frames her breasts nicely. They look round and soft in it. Ready to be admired. Though small, Rukia has her own curves that he now gets to marvel at with no barriers. Small waist, small but rounded hips. Toned legs. He really doesn’t dare look at her behind, because he does have an inkling of what is awaiting him there, and he isn’t sure he is going to survive the view.

Ichigo feels in flames. Like he is burning and, by the end of this experience, there will be nothing left of him but ashes and bones.

“Ichigo, can you put sunscreen on my back? I don’t think I can reach all the way.”

Yep.

He is going to self-combust any moment now.

In hindsight, maybe this was a terrible idea. Because although his original intentions were pure, his mind is taking him to other places. Places that perhaps should remain unexplored. And, it’s been about a year since they first kissed. Six months since their relationship fundamentally changed. He never thought there would come a time in which he would be able to say Rukia was his. He has always been hers, but now she is his. Forever, they believe. But even that sounds simpler than advancing to the next level. His soul is hers. All hers. And his body wants to be hers as well. However, Ichigo isn’t sure she wants to be his in that way. Not yet at least. And, fuck, he is a man now. A man with his own curiosity and needs. A man madly in love with her. Can he be blamed for finding her the most gorgeous woman he has ever met? Can he be admonished for wanting her all to himself? Still, he shouldn’t objectify her. Shouldn’t make her think he sees her as a walking piece of meat. Rukia is much more than that. She is his person. The other piece of his soul. Even if he finds her irresistible.

No, Ichigo.

This trip is to keep cool and have fun. So keep it in your pants.

“Are you just going to stand there or are you going to help me?”

Rukia suddenly questions and breaks him out from his internal conflict.

“Uh… sure.” He stammers like a high school boy and his cheeks redden.

She turns to look at him coyly.

“Come on, I don’t bite.”

Ichigo is not so sure about that.

This is going to be a long, long trip.

[volterran-wine]

Literally how does Bella's gift pick and choose which ability it will block? Cause if it blocks mental gifts, like Edward's, Aro's, Jane's, it should be blocking Alice too. And if it blocks physical gifts, like Kate's, it should be blocking Jasper's as well. If it blocks enemy/danger, like Aro, Jane, Kate, it would mean Edward is also a threat.

I know it isn't Volturi related, but we can pretend it is by saying Aro would definitely find a way by bypass the block.

Greetings friend, always happy to see a familiar face in my inbox; and with such a complicated question to boot. I have given it my all... and this is the closest thing to a comprehensible answer I can do.

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐕𝐨𝐥𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐢 & 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐦

The truth is; it makes absolutely no sense. Because Bella's gift should be blocking both Jasper's and Alice's gifts... Sadly I think this is another typical Smeyer plothole she decided to simply ignore, which really is not abnormal when it comes to her. But! In true Volterran-Wine fashion I will try to make sense of it, or at the very least figure out how Aro would bypass it.

In canon Bella's gift is described as being born because she wants to protect her innermost thoughts at whatever cost. Bella in fact has very little control over her own gift until the very end of the last book, up until that point she can only shield herself. And I think that's also where the answer may lie; she has very little control over what she is doing. Her gift for the most part is her intuition and reflexes picking up on gifts that are trying to influence or harm her, it catches some of them; but not all. I think this could be potential blindspot. Perhaps she has a certain limit of how many people she can protect? Perhaps she can only shield them for a certain amount of time? Who knows.

And anyone who has visited my blog know how I feel about gifts; I think they all have drawbacks and pains that come along with them. I'm sure Bella might have those weaknesses as well but we don't see enough of her as a vampire to really figure that out. I cannot imagine constantly shielding an entire family to be healthy in the long run.

𝐍𝐨𝐰 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐕𝐨𝐥𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐢 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐁𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚?

A Counter Gift. I think Aro will be on the lookout for a gifted human or vampire who can tear apart a psychic shield like Bella. The fact that Jasper and Alice can affect her (even if it is just coincidence) is only proof that she is not omnipotent. Heck, her own child is able to penetrate her shield...

Manipulation. Just because Bella can protect her mind from attacks does not mean she cannot be manipulated and goaded. I personally believe Aro to be an exceptionally intelligent and cunning man, he will find a way to keep her out of The Volturi's business somehow; Aro is way too old to be brought down by an eighteen year old with no sense of self preservation.

Brute force. Her shield is not a physical one at all, the only thing you truly need to get rid of Bella is one small window of opportunity where she is vulnerable and she can be dealt with. However, I imagine this measure will only be utilised if The Volturi come into another conflict with Bella & co.

[seikyoko]

Johnny Gill appreciation post

There’s plenty of issues I have with DGM Hallow, people other than me have talked about it and honestly I don’t feel like rereading the manga AND rewatching Hallow to explain all my dissatisfaction with it, but whatever, they wanted to make it short enough for it to be 14 episodes, it’s difficult to make it 100% faithful, whatever, I understand, even though I’m sad the zombie arc and the funny part of the phantom G arc were not in here, I understand, I’m not going to nitpick even the little things.

BUT WHY THE HELL would they on purpose take out the Johnny content in such an outrageous manner? like at the very beginning, where Johnny is the one who notice that polite speech doesn’t suit “Allen” and that when he doesn’t pay attention, he slip to more casual speech. It was instead replaced by.. Lavi, and while yeah good to give more Lavi content,

It was annoying to steal another character’s very rare screentime, and besides, it was impossible for Lavi to do this interaction, even if Johnny didn’t in the manga. Look, that happened after the 14th reveal, Bookman forbade him from getting too involved with “Allen”, because it was going to be his downfall if he involved himself that much in the war, and Lavi heeded his advice, you never see Lavi & “Allen” interacting again after the 14th reveal (though with the recent events of “Allen” going to the campbell mansion and is going to meet bookman and everything even if Lavi’s not with bookman that’s probably going to change), and that interaction was way more important than “woah bro no need to be so formal” with the mana mask revelation and Red’s actual personality and everything, and you know it’s relevant to that because it happens in the same episode, and in the manga very few chapters after.

And also the whole “the regret won’t let me die in peace” between Johnny & Kanda, instead.. happens between Marie & Kanda & Lenalee, and the anime scene absolutely sucks, the sacrifice Kanda is making doesn’t really hit you and it comes off as the dbz “past evil dude/asshole is now helping the protagonist”.

Look, he got better after the alma karma arc, and he love and trusts Lenalee & Marie a lot, but I find it kinda weird Kanda would volunteer such personal information on his feelings that easily with virtually no reason to (though I’m no Kanda expert), the interaction is just Lenalee who wasn’t involved in the Alma arc weirdly insisting on prying, after Kanda already accepted the innocence and can’t take it back anymore and Kanda pouring his heart out just like that , which, weird, because when Lenalee say “don’t you were already trapped in the order more than all of us and the order harmed you so much”, his reaction is to change the subject by successfully picking a fight with most people on the room (like Komui and Bak at least) by drinking it out of Lenalee’s hands.

It doesn’t even work as real Lenalee screentime because you can tell she was a mouthpiece to make Kanda say it before Hallow end/say it to someone other than Johnny, it wasn’t a real Kanda & Lenalee interaction

In the manga it was after Johnny and Kanda (who already bonded and came to care about each other quite a lot during their roadtrip/travelling around), who are both people who are pretty much risking everything to find and help “Allen”,  exited the pub and Johnny showed that he was a ride or die friend, reminding Kanda of Alma, likely the first time he thought of his past without feeling pain (like “Allen” comparing the orphanage director to Mana), then Johnny ask why Kanda did it, whether Kanda even answered or not, it was going to be nowhere as personal as how it ended up being, then that akuma snatched Johnny, and it very much stated “it’s Kanda yuu” at the beginning, showing that it was a speech personally aimed at Kanda, rather than a generic exorcist, saying that he was an absolute fool to come back, that he had very very little left to live, and he should’ve spent his last moments in peace, and that he chose hell, and he doesn’t go “what are you talking about ?” or deny it, showing that yeah, he does have little left to live and he most probably did choose hell.

Then Johnny goes “really Kanda... why ?” then go silent, so Johnny wasn’t going to badger him on it, then Kanda goes on to say his reasons (and yeah Johnny works better because he have more informations about the Alma thing than Lenalee had, since Kanda most likely almost never talked about it, and the scientists there were probably more informed than the exorcists after the facts and Kanda most likely didn’t tell her much, if anything really, I mean the dude can’t even stand when you say his first name just because it reminds him of that time, and Johnny did witness Kanda stab “Allen” and the whole shitshow, he’s more involved I mean).

AND THE “I was about to say sorry and then I stopped myself, thank you kanda, thank you, than..” WAS SO TOUCHING

end rant about “the manga is better !!”

And they’re not only making these moments worse, but they’re shooting themselves on the foot, because Johnny is a vital character to the “searching for Allen Walker” arc. and they keep down playing his worth as a character and his bond with “Allen”.

Johnny dropped everything for “Allen”, he loved his job as a scientist and everyone in the order, and the whole thing was risky as hell, and he did it anyway (he had no guarantee of quitting the order safely, and he wouldn’t have without Kanda, he had no guarantee of finding “Allen”, he had no guarantee the Noah or the 14th wouldn’t kill him immediately and when he first decided it he didn’t know Kanda would be around so doubly gutsy), and the love is very clearly mutual with how badly “Allen” freaked out at thinking Nea killed Johnny and that heart warming hug when he exited the wheat field and how desperately he wanted Johnny to be okay when the earl attacked and Nea took over, and you can tell it’s because Johnny mattered to him a lot instead of a general kindness thing because, really, the whole TOWN/CITY was in danger from the Millenium earl being around and homicidal, and last but certainly not least, JOHNNY’S DECLARATION OF FRIENDSHIP which really mattered to “Allen” (It was the most flustered he’s ever been in the whole manga).

And it mattered in the end ! it changed everything ! Kanda wouldn’t have found “Allen” without Johnny’s plan. and “Allen” would be literally dead, erased, not from this world anymore if it wasn’t for Johnny.

Look, unlike all the other times Nea took over, the last one was pretty bad, in fact it should have been impossible for Allen Walker to ever open his eyes again, his soul was done for, he was technically dead.

But the power of people’s bond is probably the most powerful thing in DGM verse, so powerful that it can even do the impossible, like bringing back the dead.

Cross, Tyki and Link weren’t going to do that because of their allegiances, Road can’t maintain her form, even if Mana was going to choose “Allen” over Nea, he is very much amnesic, it wouldn’t have occured to Kanda and most of the order to try that, because it was very obviously the 14th, and Kanda doesn’t even call “Allen” by his name anyway, they’d have jumped straight to trying to defeat him or try another method to bring “Allen” back, if Apocryphos could still bring him back his way, he’d have merged with “Allen” and “Allen” as we know him would be no more.

Yeah, pretty sure “Allen” would be no more, and it wasn’t a case of right place/right moment or anything, it was because Johnny and “Allen” loved each other (platonically, I shouldn’t have to precise that but here we are) and it shook reality in ways usually only the earl take advantage of.

Also you imagine the amount of mental badassness it would take to take your friend, and physically try to carry him away while he’s the target of the earl who is looking extremely deranged and is being really violent ? 

Also he prevents Kanda from using violence against “Allen” who was in pretty bad shape, and that with Tiedoll’s speech help him find the guts to face “Allen” eye to eye and a lot of what ensued after

Don’t ever underestimate Johnny’s importance to the story.

Yet here he’ll always be a barely relevant side character to the anime (well at least Hallow I refuse to watch the 2006 anime and check if his earlier moments were done justice), and for what reason ? because he’s not good-looking/hot, and because he’s not physically powerful or badass in a conventional way.

That’s.. the end to my salt I think