#cause if we book it too late it's complicated for housing but if we book it too early i literally cannot get on that train/plane

[moinsbienquekaworu]

Got my CAS!! Finally!! Tonight it's Visa Time™ <3

[satansapostle6]

I Left The Light On And The Back Door Open For You | Robert Chase

From the moment he first saw Margot Lange from legal, Dr. Robert Chase knew he was in for a wild ride that he never wanted to end.

Warnings: Mature themes/language. Sexual content.

Chapter Two

Chapter Three: Legal Affairs

Robert Chase was extremely awkward at work whenever he saw Margot Lange, to understate things. Every time he saw her at Princeton Plainsboro, he did everything in his power not to run through the wall like the Kool-Aid Man. He tried everything to avoid her gaze, but it was a lost cause. Margot’s alluring dark hazel eyes were too much for him. Every time he looked at her, he wanted nothing more than to cave in and give her everything that she wanted, and more.

After all, she was the best sex he ever had, and possibly, the best sex House ever had. Chase had to admit Margot drove him crazy, with her tight black skirts and sleek Louboutins, but he just couldn’t quite get past the idea that she had also had sex with his boss, who he had a more complicated relationship with than he had with his own father. Chase had lost sleep over it, and allowed his dilemma to consume him. So much, it seemed, that even his coworkers had taken notice. Eric Foreman and Allison Cameron were both fed up with Chase’s mopey attitude as they worked.

They both watched him sip his lukewarm cup of coffee as he lazily flipped through the pages of a medical book, barely focused on looking for answers in the hopes of diagnosing a patient.

“What’s wrong with you?” Dr. Cameron asked, as Chase just looked up at her and sighed before going back to his work.

Dr. Foreman just looked over at her as he tried hide his amusement.

“He poked the office tiger,” he replied, which seemed to shock Cameron and aggravate Chase.

It was sad to watch, not only to House, and the other doctors, but even for James Wilson, who seemed to be heartbroken more often than happy. Dr. Wilson, as the head of oncology, rarely played a larger role in Chase’s work day than House’s designated confidante and occasional collaborator, but today, as Chase literally dragged his feet around the hospital, Dr. Wilson found that he had to intervene, no matter how awkward or uncomfortable. Wilson watched with an unpleasant grimace as Chase sat alone in the hospital cafeteria, picking at a sad salad with his fork.

Wilson sighed as he slowly approached the young doctor, having a seat across from him. Chase looked up at him, not understanding why his boss’s best and only friend had randomly decided to have lunch with him.

“Dr. Wilson,” Chase acknowledged him with a questioning look, not sure what else to do.

“Chase,” James Wilson said with concern. “What’s going on?”

“Excuse me?” Robert Chase asked.

“You seem… troubled,” Wilson provided.

Chase glanced down at his food, embarrassed as he realized his current predicament was showing on his face.

“Is something wrong?” Wilson asked him.

Chase tried to come up with the right answer to give him.

“Look, not to be rude or anything, but you seem distracted lately,” Dr. Wilson stated. “I know we don’t know each other well, but I sure as hell know what it’s like dealing with House. It’s gotta be hard working for him when you’re barely wanting to come in to work,” he offered kindly.

Chase studied him for a moment, looking into his soft brown eyes before determining that he seemed genuine in wanting to help.

“House kept something from me,” he said finally.

Dozens of possibilities as to what entered James Wilson’s mind.

“What, something about a patient?” he guessed.

“No. Something about Margot Lange,” Chase told him.

“The girl from legal? What about her?” Wilson inquired.

It took him a moment before he came up with a likely guess.

“House slept with Margot?” Wilson whispered. “How’d he manage to do that?!”

Chase gave him a strange look, prompting him to move past it.

“So… You… and Margot Lange?” Wilson concluded with uncertainty. “Huh.”

“Do you have any advice for me, or are you just collecting information?”

“Alright, alright, I’m sorry,” James apologized, trying to continue with the conversation. “Hmm. Well, does it make you think less of her?”

“What?” Chase demanded. “No! Of course not.”

“Well, do you want to pursue something serious with her?” Wilson responded.

“I don’t know,” Chase confessed. “I’m not sure if that’s what she wants.”

“Okay… And do you think she owed it to you, given what was happening between the two of you at the time, to tell you that something previously happened between her and House?” the oncologist prompted.

Chase had to think about it for a moment.

“Well… No…”

“Then, what’s the problem?” Wilson asked him.

Chase was stunned by the simple conclusion they’d arrived at.

“Oh,” he thought aloud.

He turned to look at Wilson, amazed by his insight.

“Thank you,” he remarked.

“You’re quite welcome,” Wilson smiled.

Chase observed him for a moment, seeing the bizarre longing in his eyes.

“You’d hook up with her too, wouldn’t you? Given the chance,” he deducted.

“Oh, God yes,” Wilson confirmed, before getting up and returning to his work.

Chase watched him leave, finally making up his mind.

*****

Dr. Chase sat alone in the office, watching through the glass doors as Margot quickly passed, relishing the sound of her heels clacking against the floor tiles. Nothing could make him forget the graceful way Margot walked, and the simultaneous calculated coolness and impulsive fun of who she was. She was truly impressive. She was beautiful and inspiring to him, no matter who she slept with. His annoyance toward House could never overshadow his admitted adoration for Margot.

Chase truthfully had no idea at all what Margot wanted with him, whether she wanted a spontaneous and heated fling, or a committed, full-fledged relationship, or something in between, but ultimately it didn’t matter. Both prospects seemed entirely promising, albeit in different aspects. Robert Chase was determined to let the whole Margot thing play out, even in spite of his colleagues, who mostly seemed noticeably less enthusiastic about the whole affair.

Allison Cameron, for one, seemed to be holding back pointed eye rolls every single time she was anywhere near Margot, even and especially when she was passing by. Dr. Cameron found that Dr. Chase was of course very professional and focused on his career as a medical professional, unless, of course, there happened to be what she could only describe to herself as ‘ass in heels’ walking by. When it came to Margot and other beautiful women, Chase and Foreman were both indistinguishable from House and all his crass barbarism.

Dr. Robert Chase was tending to a patient when he overheard a conversation definitely not meant for him, between his two colleagues.

“Foreman, can I ask you something?” Allison Cameron questioned.

Eric Foreman was somewhat surprised by the request, considering how out of the blue it was.

“What is it?” he replied.

“What do you think of Margot?” she asked him in turn.

“Margot who?” Foreman questioned.

“Margot Lange,” Cameron told him.

Foreman seemed confused about the nature of the question.

“Who? From legal?”

Cameron nodded. “Yeah.”

“I don’t know,” Foreman shrugged, “I don’t know her.”

“No, I know,” Cameron said quietly, “But… appearance wise?” she asked.

Chase did his best to focus on his patient’s vitals. Dr. Foreman gave her a strange look. “Is this because House and Wilson won’t stop drooling over her?”

Chase had to try not to make a face.

Cameron shrugged. “I guess. I just don’t see why this woman has to stop traffic.”

Foreman chuckled lightly. “I mean, I don’t stop my day when I see her like some people, but… Come on. She’s just a very attractive woman,” he said as politely as he could.

“There are other attractive female staff,” Dr. Cameron reasoned.

“Like who?”

She seemed surprised by the question.

“I don’t know. Cuddy?”

Foreman chuckled at the idea. “Come on. Dr. Cuddy is a very beautiful woman, but I don’t think it’s remotely the same thing.”

“Why not?” Cameron demanded.

“Well, Cuddy isn’t six feet tall in heels,” Foreman reasoned.

“She’s not six feet tall,” Cameron scoffed.

“She’s close to it,” Foreman pointed out. “Besides. Margot Lange just looks like a supermodel. There’s no avoiding it.”

“Apparently,” Cameron concluded.

Chase had no idea how Margot’s looks could be so polarizing, but he kept the thought to himself. Almost as if on cue, he thanked his patient for her patience just in time to hear a pair of heels clicking towards the room he was in. Cameron and Foreman both stepped aside politely, as Margot Lange entered the room with House behind her, seeming to live for whatever was going on between her and Chase.

“Look what the House dragged in,” House said with a dry and sarcastic smile before going on to somewhat verbally harass the patient.

Chase couldn’t help but admire Margot’s sleek black dress and lipstick that perfectly matched her red bottoms. He understood why others envied her. She smiled before turning to Chase, seeming to be in a relatively pleasant mood. It had been a couple of weeks before she and Chase had actually spoken.

“Hope I’m not interrupting,” Margot said, looking over at the patient.

“No, I was just wrapping up,” Chase said politely, finding himself feeling a bit out of place. “What, er… What brings you here?” he gulped, suddenly feeling a lump in his throat.

“I’m just here on business,” she replied almost theatrically, looking around the room and back at Foreman and Cameron.

She had a black folder in his hands, pulling out a sheet of paper.

“I just need your signature real quick. Real pressing stuff.”

Chase furrowed his brows as he took the folder from her, not recalling ever having any business with the legal department as of late. It took him roughly a fraction of a second to realize that there was, in fact, no legal document, and that all Margot was handing him was a piece of paper she’d written on herself in pen. The sheet of paper simply read:

‘Sushi tonight?

_ Yes _No

Panties?

_Yes _No’

Chase couldn’t help but smirk as he checked the boxes she’d made.

“Yes, and… no,” he smiled, before proudly signing his name to the response handing back the fake paperwork.

Margot pretended to check his work.

“Excellent,” she announced, taking back the folder and pen, “I’ll take this back to legal.”

She gave him one more sly smile and wave goodbye before she practically strutted out of the room, as Foreman turned to watch her leave. Chase smiled foolishly with his hands in his pockets, glancing down at his feet as he was fully aware of how taken he was with her. He looked up, horrified to see his coworkers just staring at him. Foreman just shook his head.

“Don’t look so smug, Casanova,” Cameron frowned, “We know there was no paperwork.”

Chase was dumbfounded as the two just looked at one another and left him.

-

Chapter Four

[bebepac]

Where Do We Go From Here?

I am participating in @choicesflashfics​ prompt  week 28  using: “I saw this  and it reminded me of you, and  “Sometimes forever doesn’t necessarily mean forever”  and past prompt  “I don’t regret it... but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a mistake.”  All used quotes will be in bold.

I am also participating in @aprilchallenge​ for  the over all theme Just want to be with you.

This is Part 8 of the Cordonian Arrangement.

The Book:  TRF The Series:  The Cordonian Arrangement Pairings: MC is widowed, Past Pairings Riley x Nico (Riley x M!OC) , Past Pairing of Liam x Riley Word Count: 2232 Warnings and Ratings: Mention of character death, grief.  Mention of pregnancy complications, profanity: / Teen Summary:  Riley and Liam try to deal with a very awkward situation.  

Original Post 04/14/23  at 2PM EST.

It was barely dawn and the sun was only creeping slightly through the windows. When she moved, his embrace tightened, pulling her back close to him, so that he could lean into her  to kiss her neck.  He sharply inhaled because her natural scent was so intoxicating to him.  He had missed sharing tender moments like this with her.

  Riley was still waking from her slumber but to her, it felt like a typical morning, that she had lived every day when waking in his arms was commonplace.  

She  moaned softly as he continued to gently dot kisses to the sensitive skin of her neck, her body responded naturally to his touch.

“Let’s stay in bed.  Don’t go…." she mumbled in her sleep. “Stay with me.”  

“Always.”  

His voice made her immediately  leave that place of pre woke slumber to soberingly wide awake, quickly pulling away from him.

“Liam….”  

Fully awake, all the memories of the last few months, and from last night flooded back to her in a wave.

Observing the shock and almost disappointment in her eyes, Liam knew, as she shielded her bare body from him with the bedsheet.  

Liam’s voice was heavy with discontentment as he spoke.

“That wasn’t intended for me, was it?”  Liam’s gaze was piercing, full of disappointment causing Riley to quickly break eye contact with him. She just couldn’t look him in the face right now, but she wanted to be honest with him; he deserved that.  

“No… I’m…. sorry….” She  murmured as she turned heading towards the door still draped in the sheet from the bed.

“Riley, we need to talk about this.  There’s a reason you came to me last night. It felt right for us to be together that way. We felt like us again!”  

“For a brief second, this morning, I forgot the horror that has been my life these last three months.  Last night, I was lonely… I wanted to feel…. connected to someone again. I didn’t  mean to give you the wrong idea, and for that Liam, I’m truly sorry."

“Do you regret what happened between us last night?”

“No… I don’t regret it… but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a mistake.  It was a mistake Liam.  We have way too much history for me to think that you would simply be okay with it. This is all my fault. I should have been clear with you what last night truly was….for me.”

“We made love last night Riley.”

“We… didn’t.  It was just sex, Liam.  I’m still in love with my husband.” She glanced down at the ring on her finger that she was still wearing. Nico's wedding band dangled from a gold chain around her neck.

“Your husband is dead.”  

Riley gasped in shock.  Liam immediately wanted to take the words back, but it was too late; the damage was done. Riley shook her head in disbelief.  

“Who are you?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like it came out, Riley. Forgive me, I didn’t mean it Riley. I promise you I didn’t.”

"Yes you did."

"I really didn't…"

“Get out of my house.”

“Riley….No… We’re supposed to take Angelo to the zoo together today.”  

“GET OUT OF MY HOUSE NOW!!!!”

"Riley please…."

She adamantly shook her head no.

"Nico was wrong about what you and I could be to each other. I need you to pack your stuff and leave now.."

“Riley, that's not fair for you to say that.  We’re still figuring all of this out.  This isn’t easy for either of us to navigate.”

“I need you to leave Liam.”

“Not like this. I’m not leaving you like this Riley.”  

“Fine, then I’ll leave.”

Riley left his room and locked herself in the master bedroom.  

After a few minutes she heard the sound of Liam’s rolling suitcase on the floor, it stopping in front of her bedroom door.

“I’m going to say goodbye to my son before I leave.”  

"You should do that."

"For what it's worth Riley, I'm really sorry."

“Goodbye Liam.”  

A few minutes later Liam was gone.  Riley took a deep breath finally unlocking  her door.

Ruby One

“I was sure you said you were here until Monday, how the hell did I fuck that up?”  Leo asked when he got on the plane clearly confused and hungover.

“That was the plan.”  

“Well what went wrong?”

Liam explained what happened with Riley.  

“You’re an absolute fool when it comes to Riley.  That woman is a walking red flag right now, and trust me I know a red flag when I see one.”

“What?”  

“It’s not her fault though, she lost her husband.  You ignored all the signs because you want her back, and Riley’s not there yet.  She can't be what you want her to be Liam…at least not right now. You have had a front seat to her grieving Nico.  

You know how hard this whole ordeal has been for her.  When I saw her last, she was still wearing her wedding ring, and his wedding band.  Did she take them off?”

“No.”

“That’s not a woman that’s ready to move on with you, no matter how much you want her to be ready.  She’s stuck in that place where she still desperately misses her husband, and wants him back.

She was probably lonely, and let's be honest horny, and you were there, and she sought comfort from you, in that way.  You had to know what you were getting into when she showed up at your door last night.  Liam, be honest with yourself.  It wasn’t the beginning of rekindling of your relationship with her, and you knew that, but you wanted her so much, that you didn’t care. You just wanted her, any way you could have her.”

“You’re right. I love her."

“Liam, you have to give her time. If the two of you are meant to be, she will come back to you.  But what you did, didn’t help the situation, you got mad with her and said something incredibly hurtful.  It was true, mind you, but hurtful. You do this to her, you know and you need to stop."

"Do what?"

"You impose all these things on her, expecting her to follow them, to be what you what, how you want it, when you want it. Then you get all surprised that she rebelled against you and ran, and put up every wall imaginable to keep you out, this not being the first time she’s reacted this way to you.  Does this sound familiar?"

"I'm acting just like father would….."

“You are little brother.”  

“Give her some space, and she’ll come back around.”  

“If she doesn’t?”

“It was just never meant to be, and if we’re being completely honest here,  you lost her over three years ago; it might be time to finally let her go.”

Liam was in a deep state of contemplation the rest of the way back to Cordonia. He decided it was time to listen to his own message that was given to him by the late Nico Karahalios. Liam pulled his own envelopes out of his desk drawer. He had given him two envelopes one said "If it's working" the other one said "If it's not working."

He picked up the "If it's not working" video and began watching.

"Hey Liam. I can honestly say… I’m not surprised.”

Nico smiled. "You thought it was going to be easy, didn't you?"

Nico began to laugh.

"You really did, didn't you?!!"

Nico abruptly stopped laughing. "I'm sorry. This is not helpful.”

"Damn right it's not." Liam thought.

“I’m sure that you were expecting more from me.”

Nico sat silently for a few moments.

"Like what exactly? Did you think this was the part where I am going to tell you how to win my wife's heart back? How to get her to fall in love with you again? I'm not going to do that. I can't do that. She's not going to do anything because you want her to do it. She does things on her own time. That woman has her own mind, and she's not afraid to use it. Liam, she's a different woman than the one that came here a week after you met her in New York. None of the same rules are going to apply.  You have to get to know her again as the woman she is now.  She’s been a lover and a confidant to me, she’s been a faithful wife, and a beautiful mother. How I won her then, I  can’t even take credit for that, I didn't win her, but instead she chose me. 

I think she chose me because I was patient with her.  I did what I said I was going to do.  If I told her, we were meeting at 6PM for dinner, I’d be knocking on her door at 5:50. She could always rely on me being there for her.   Comfort and stability allowed her to relax with me, because Riley is not a calm person. Her senses are always heightened, waiting for the other shoe to drop, because of all the hurt and loss she’s experienced in her life. I finally got her to relax with me…and then I died on her. I will never forget the look in her eyes when I told her I was dying. She was completely blindsided. The light after everything she’s endured that you see in her eyes so easily, disappeared. It broke my heart.”  

Nico shook his head.  

“Our marriage wasn’t perfect.  We had  our fair share of fights.  Our very first year of marriage was particularly tough.  We lived with my mother.  Can you imagine? Small house, with a newborn, while my cousins helped me build the house we were in now.  Our first really huge fight, after we moved in, Riley kicked me out of the house and locked me out.” 

Nico laughed.  

“From my house.  I slept in a tent in the yard for 3 days.  My cousins saw me, talked all this macho shit to me,  and so I got all ballsy and I went up to MY HOUSE.  MY HOUSE THAT I BUILT FOR MY WIFE…And insisted Riley let me back in.  You know what happened Liam?  Can you guess?”

Nico was silent for a few moments.  

“It was the equivalent of upsetting a bee hive. I spent a fourth night out in that damn tent. Day five, I left her alone. Day six, when I woke, she had brought me breakfast, and wanted to talk.  Was she still angry with me?  Yes,  but she had calmed down enough that she could talk to me without shutting down on me.  I hope you understand what I’m trying to tell you.

Riley put up with a lot to be in that arrangement with you, that experience changed her.  Now, yet again, she will be forever changed from losing me.  I don’t know if she’ll come around.  I hope she will, because I want her to be happy, Liam.  She’s had too much sadness in her life, to not be.  I wanted to be her forever, and sometimes, forever doesn’t necessarily mean forever.

So in closing,  whatever you did wrong… Make it right Liam.”  

Liam decided to take a page from Nico’s book.  He gave her space.  Finally after the most painful weeks of not speaking to Riley, he decided to send her a text.  Riley used to like a good meme in the past, so he decided to send her one.  

“I saw  this, and it reminded me of you. Just imagine they are butterflies, and I remember how you feel about butterflies.”

Later in the day he noticed she had seen the meme, but she hadn’t responded. He decided not to push and maybe Riley would respond on her own.  During the night  while Liam was sleeping she sent a meme back to him.

He took it as a sign she was ready to talk.  

He immediately called her and once she picked up he started speaking, not even waiting for her to say hello.

“Riley, I completely deserved the way you treated me that day.  I’m so sorry for what I said.  I never meant it, and I never meant to hurt you. Please forgive me.” 

“This isn’t Riley.  It’s Athena, we just got Riley to the hospital, she wanted me to call you.”  

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s the baby.  We’re really concerned.”    

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”  

Staff had the Ruby One prepped for departure within the hour.  Leo when hearing the news decided to go with him for support. Within three hours they  were at the hospital.

"What room is Riley Karahalios in? I need to see her."

"Are you family?" The receptionist questioned, and when he didn't respond she countered with "Only family is allowed back in this wing."

"He is family. He's the baby's father."

"He's right. I am the baby's father.”

She’s in room 224.”

Leo followed as Liam walked briskly down the hall at an accelerated pace.  

“She’s going to be fine. Her and the baby are going to be fine.  They have to be.”  

Athena and Mama K were sitting outside the room when he walked up.  Athena immediately stood.

“Athena, what happened to Riley?”

“She was having pains, and there was some bleeding.  We were really scared.  It’s stopped now.  They have her calm and she’s finally resting.”

Liam walked into the room, Riley was snoring, the beeps of the multiple monitors didn’t seem to be bothering her.   Taking her hand in her sleep and gently stroking it, Riley still did not wake.  So he sat there quietly holding her hand.

He softly whispered to her. “I’m here.”  

Riley woke up a short time later.  

“What are you doing here Liam?”  Her hand tensing slightly under his touch.

“Athena told me you wanted her to call me.”  

“No I didn’t….”

“Oh…”

“But I’m glad she did. I told her not to, because, I didn’t want to worry you.”  

Riley’s hand relaxed in his again, her free hand rubbing her stomach.  

“I thought I lost her, and I can’t lose both of them.  I can’t handle that. I’m such a mess right now. I’ve never felt this out of sorts in my life.  I’m sorry I got so angry with you. I get that this isn’t an easy situation for you either.”  

Liam could almost hear the words of the late Nico Karahalios in his ear.  “You have to get to know her as the woman she is now.” 

“It’s alright.  I know.  How about this?  Let’s just start over.  Let’s forget all the missteps on both our parts, and start at the very beginning. I’m Liam Rys,  it’s a pleasure to meet you….”  

“I’m Riley.   Riley Karahalios.”  

And that’s the woman, she is now.

[remellu]

NEED OF SHELTER WITH HOMELESS (GOFUNDME AND ADDITIONAL INFO BELLOW)

DISCLAIMER: You can skip to the gofundme before scrolling to read everything, as I do update on there, but since I don't use tumblr much and this is very urgent, I have additional stuff to say in this post after providing the link. Link: https://gofund.me/952d122a

As you can tell, I'm currently homeless and cannot access resources for shelter, as the homeless epidemic has caused it to get much harder to find shelter and transitional housing. I'm also someone who needs special accommodations as a disabled person, such as my medication and my cat being an emotional support animal, so that alone will make me less likely to be accepted.

I've been seeking a way to get housing way before I became homeless, as I knew the lease wasn't going to be renewed, but I couldn't do it on time. Currently I paid for my 1st and 2nd stay at the hotel I'm currently at. That's been 10 days, and currently I need to renew again by the 13th of February. This is the information for my first booking, which was cheaper than the second check in. 403 was the total including tax, but the second check in is 403 WITHOUT the tax.

Here's the proof of the second stay in for 5 days being higher than the last.

This hotel is literally the cheapest I could find with basic accomidations such as having a microwave and being able to refrigerate food, so I have to deal with the prices fluctuating a bit. It's not going to be the same each time I renew my stay at the hotel. But I don't expect it to reach the 500 USD range, it's going to be bellow that. The better approximate I guess is to get 480 USD for every 5 days of staying if feasible.

This is the current amount I got for the 3rd stay 66.11 is what I have left and the other two are donations that are still processing This isnt enough for the third hotel stay. (Due on the 13th) I would need around 500 USD (in case I need other needs like food/ set up the p.o. box) I'll appreciate any help!

Gofundme does not finish sending transactions on weekends, in fact it postpones it, so that may cause complications for the 3rd and 4th stay if the money comes in too late. I do have a kofi and paypal in case anyone wants to ensure the money comes in faster, I'll put that link for Kofi here: https://ko-fi.com/remellu If you don't have gofundme, I'll provide my Paypal directly as well: paypal.me/yummeiko

Here's a diagram for the 3rd and 4th visit and how transactions work on Gofundme can affect me being able to renew the stay. Especially for the 4th one.

I do not know how long I'm going to stay here, my homeless status is indefinite, I'll I can do is continue to work on finding resources for housing that will fit my financial situation while I try to stay in the hotel as much as possible. 10K USD is the amount asked because I know it may take a while to get things sorted, I may not need that amount, but if I don't and I reach it, I could always use it for deposits and so on as well as furnishing my apartment whenever I can get there. I apologize how lengthy this is. I do not use Tumblr often so if you want to get more frequent updates about what is being donated and my current status is, there's a few places you can follow me at. Twitter (Main): https://twitter.com/Remellu Instagram (main): https://www.instagram.com/remeiu/ Bluesky: https://bsky.app/profile/remellu.bsky.social I also posted a video in regards to the gofundme on both tiktok and youtube (i may also put these on both my instagrams if the length is allowed. Twitter also has it) Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@remeiu/video/7333364564697894186 Youtube: https://youtu.be/YWokYi2gl0g Again, I'll appreciate any help I will get, and I will also try to come back on this site to update this stuff as well, I'm just not good at remembering I have a tumblr. The best you can do if you can't donate is reblog or share on your other social media we are both on. Thank you in advance!

[wyvernest]

cregan stark x f! targaryen reader

next part | all chapters list

>>Queen Rhaenyra has sent you away from the brewing war to safety since your brother, Jacaerys, has secured the Pact of Ice and Fire. You have to honor it by marrying Lord Cregan Stark, Warden of the North.

cw: slow burn, fluff, eventual smut, angst, follows book events with slight deviations, im planning to let jacaerys live!! (i can't do this to my baby you can't make me do it) every chapter is about 2k wc

chapter cw: slightly fluffy, strong tension, a little angst?

a/n: guys be honest is the title card ugly. is it ugly yes or no

Queen Rhaenyra, your mother, has sent you away from the brewing war to safety and to strengthen the alliance with the North. Since your younger brother, Jacaerys, has secured the Pact of Ice and Fire, you have to honor it by marrying Lord Cregan Stark, Warden of the North.

“Don’t fret, he is a great man. You'll probably live better days than most of us down here.” Jace was struggling to sweeten the news, as he knew himself guilty. 

“Easy for you to say. What is Baela to think of this? You flew off to treat with a lord and returned as a wedded man!” You scream-whispered. 

Jacaerys did not want your queen mother to know of his secret union, but you both knew all too well that after the war they would all need to find out. Sooner or later, Rhaenyra needed to know that lord Cregan would have kept his oath even without a dragon and a Targaryen as trade.

You both fall silent as Rhaenyra approaches the oak table you are sitting at.

“Daughter.”

“Mother.”

“Your dragon is saddled. You may depart when you feel ready.” 

She cradles your face with a feather light touch of her hand, as loving as only a mother could. 

“I need you to stand strong. This was in all ways a good match. Suvion behaves best in the cold, of all our dragons. You'll be safer than in the free cities.”

Her eyes are glistening, her voice falters, and you know it's because of the memory of Lucerys.

“I will not be able to return after the war ends. I will remain there. Away from you. So, so far away.” You mumble, more to yourself, for you were aware there was no backing away. Yet, you still searched for some words of comfort, a new perspective that you might've missed, that could make it less hurtful.

“We will fly to see each other. No one else in the Seven Kingdoms can travel as fast as us.” Your brother lifts your spirits, sharing smiles with you and the Queen. “If the time is right and the odds are good you may, too, aid with fighting.”

“There is no need for such risks.” Rhaenyra retorts.

“Suvion is grown for his age, and for his hide he may go unnoticed in the northern gray skies. He is a good asset.” He insists, troubled with both his and your lack of implication in the ongoing war. 

“It will not come to that.” She raises her voice slightly, fear palpable in her tone, her words directed at fate itself rather than at you.

Alas, your brother was right, yet you did not dare mention it aloud. Should the chance come, you would not abandon your cause for mere safety in cowardice.

You throw Jacaerys a knowing look of understanding and complicity, before rising from your seat.

“I should make haste then. The northern armies will not arrive as late as I am now.” 

Having bid bittersweet farewells and been escorted to your dragon, you become aware of the future ahead. Married away, exiled, separated, same thing. It would happen to all noble women eventually, but you dared to hope the house of your betrothed would be closer to your kin.

Suvion, your dragon, stood before you, his strangled bellows mirroring your fear and hesitancy. Yet the sight of your ride never ceased to slap bravery into you. White as the winter sky, Jace was right. 

The thorns on his neck and back translucent-pale azure, straight, sharp long-horns like ever-growing icicles. The irony, you thought, how your dragon has always been an embodiment of your future betrothal to the northerner. Mayhaps with him by your side, you shan't feel so cast out and different.

Jace approaches the ledge, and clears the confusion evident on your face at the sight of him ready to leave;

“I'm coming with you.” He announces, mounting Vermax.

“You don't need to.”

“I must. Besides,” he pauses, looking behind momentarily and speaking quietly, “we can discuss war freely on the way there.”

Your dragons slip out of the cave and jump onto the clouds, and with barely two flaps of Suvion’s snowy wings, Dragonstone fades behind the sea mist and morning gloom.

The swift winds that brush your skin in flight are never to feel the same as today. They will never feel as damp and warm as they felt when you were home, with your own. 

“What am I to expect?” You break the silence as Suvion drifts closer. 

“We swore an oath of brotherhood, me and Cregan. If you trust me, you aren't to be mistreated in any way.” 

“What of his heart?”

“What of it?” 

“Is he kind? Is he gentle?”

“As gentle as a man can be while hunting in the Godswood.” Jace jests, as your two dragons twist their tails in the air causing your gasp to be cut short by the turbulence. “He doesn't strike me as ill tempered, sister. But I did not bed him, so I cannot vouch for any of his romantic gestures. We merely broke bread and hunted together.”

“That should be more than enough to tell if he were cruel.” You try to convince yourself.

“I wouldn't have sworn to give you any lesser man.”

“You didn't have much of a choice.”

“But I did. I could have suggested we wed his firstborn son to my firstborn daughter.”

Your eyes widen in shock of the realization, but he doesn't get to see your frustration before you voice it.

“Why didn't you?”

Jace takes his time weighing his words, the answer clear in his mind, though he wishes to express it properly.

“You are the most vulnerable. You and mother. The greens will undoubtedly seek vengeance after the assassination of Jaehaerys. The more you flew out on Suvion at Dragonstone, the more I feared they would unabashedly attack in some way.”

It was not rare that you wished yourself and your family the furthest you could go from the Iron Throne, but this is not what you had in mind. 

“We needed you safe, and I could not think of a better match for you. If I am wrong, I will go to war once I am king to take you back, sister. But you will flourish here.”

You trust your brother more than yourself, and although the idea of a crude husband washed away, the bitterness of never seeing him again until the war ended remains.

After 3 days you finally fly past The Neck, and the northern air is starting to bite at your skin. The winds grow harsher and sharper with every new mile crossed, and the clouds obscure vision more and more ahead. Your heart beats faster with every slight drop in altitude, your dragon yearning to come down from the long journey. Vermax is already far below and it doesn't do anything to calm your nerves. 

“Daor, Suvion. Vēzot!”  (No, Suvion. Up!)

“Are you afraid?” You hear Jacaerys yell from beneath the thin strip of fog. “We are almost there, get down and look at your lands!”

"Your lands."

It almost sounded like a jest. Only it wasn't.

After what feels like agonizing hours, a castle's silhouette appears far into the wastelands and forests. You lead Suvion beneath the cover of clouds, squinting your eyes. 

Winterfell.

Vermax is visibly disturbed, losing balance and twisting in the brisk air. Jacaerys commands him to land and you follow along. Suvion has grown quiet since the cold seeped into his bones. A tranquil, conserving silence.

You spot a host of men in your descent, which you can only hope is welcoming you both. Your dragon lands gracefully, a faint layer of snow blowing away from its icy wings as his hind claws grip the hard ground.

Before you can even caress Suvion's head and get off, Jacaerys is already down, friendly saluting the northerners before linking his forearm in a familiar greeting with one of them. 

Your attention is first drawn to the giant blade the man carries on his back, standing at a proud height of six feet. Dark, unruly strands of hair frame his face, rough features turn slightly gentle at the sight of you both. Pelts and wolf furs are draped over his broad shoulders, making appear even more intimidating. 

You remain behind, a lump in your throat and abandoned by all manners, surrounded by nothing but your thoughts. Twisted feelings claw at your guts.

He is rather handsome, closely resembling all the descriptions of the Stark men. Yet you're dragonfire, and he is as cold as ice. What a fitting pair, you thought bitterly. 

“My lady.” a deep voice laced with an almost irresistible accent startles you as you stuff your thoughts in the back of your mind. Lord Stark steadily approaches Suvion with no fear in his pace. You almost feel embarrassed, how such a beast doesn't spark the smallest reluctancy. Suvion undulates his head towards the stranger, at first cautious and tense, but soon after he calms again. 

“I'm sure you are more than capable of getting on and off easily, my lady. But accept my humble help nonetheless.” He speaks to you, his distinctive, warm timbre drips honey in your ears. His brows crease over his stern, gray eyes from looking up at you and into the gloomy skies, and your heart skips a couple beats. 

Draping your leather skirts and legs over the side of the saddle, you come down, giving him your hand as gently as one can while unmounting a wyvern.

Habit makes it so that you jump down still, but he isn't caught off guard by the sudden act as he quickly slides his other hand around your fur-clothed waist to catch you in your fall. It is then your turn to be surprised, as the sudden closeness allows you to breathe in the scent of him; something manly and deeply unique, along with the clear scent of fresh leather, wood and the northern aroma of pine needles.

Just as it is, you feel, for only a blink, that you have known him, and this place, for all your life.

But as fast as it came, the touch promptly leaves you in a weirdly longing ache, and despite the cold, the places he touched you burn with frustration. A frustration you do not quite register nor understand as well as you wished.

“My sister, daughter of Queen Rhaenyra of House Targaryen, and soon-to-be Lady Stark.” Jacaerys smiles widely, strict formalities seemingly out the window. His amiable attitude soothes your nerves. “Lord Cregan Stark of Winterfell, our most trusted ally.” His eyes dart between you, evidently expecting a look of approval.

“I am more than delighted, princess.” His tone is nothing more than reverential, with no romantic hand-kiss or smug look that you've dreamed of as a young girl. There it is, the cold of the North, so stoic and honourable. You haven't even figured out your first feelings for the lord, yet you yearn to see him want you. Think straight. 

“Likewise, my lord. I must express my gratitude for,” you pause for a mere moment, reminding yourself that it was Jace who brought this upon you; that Lord Stark did not ask for you in exchange for an army. “-your unwavering loyalty to our cause.” 

“We do not disregard our oaths, princess.” He retorts politely, although you sensed clear irritation in his tone. He's offended you even mentioned it, as if you did not account for his honor. Amazing. Great start.

“Shall we go inside?” Jacaerys suggests, almost crassly, to which Cregan merely nods to his men and presents you an arm to hook yours around. 

You obey, the butterflies in your stomach fluttering more wildly than a juvenile dragon on its first flight.

suvion means ice, get it cause-

TAGS!!! god i hope they work

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[lauvra]

The house was perpetually struck by singular blasts of wind this morning, distinctly not shaking but rather like it were being pelted and I laid my hand across Penny twice to check whether she was the cause of the bed shaking, then heard a helicopter and waited for the crash. I felt the strong foreshadowing that today would go awry in some spectacular fashion. Opening my eyes around 7:30AM, I immediately reached for my phone to check the news. Transport delays, halted trams and trains and a chemical factory fire in Melbourne's West. Reading the news report and residential cautions (keep car windows up, stay indoors, ensure AC vents are closed, fire expected to burn for days, lists of expected affected suburbs, we don't know what's in those chemicals) was like reading De Lilo's White Noise point by point. I screenshot the article to send my friend in Berlin, then didn't, remembering every time we caught up last he'd ask if I'd finished the book yet, and for some reason I've completed a dozen books in the meantime but not that final chapter. That's when I remembered I'd also woken up from a complicated dream. It was the second of its kind, and I hadn't written the first down, it seemed to relay fears from my subconscious I wasn't ready to confront. In my dream I fall asleep on the lounge in the living room. When I wake within the dream, the entire room looks different and my housemate's partner has redecorated. There are playful new cushions, curtains and furniture, and they're snuggled together on the couch adjacent. I say nothing, slam my bedroom door closed and fall asleep. I dream within the dream. I'm standing in an open public space, when dozens of vans pull up and people in blue-grey uniforms jump out holding weapons, yelling. They look over me. Someone says they're not looking for people like me. They announce themselves as I.C.E. and in the dream I criticize my own creativity. They start ripping down street-art murals by the brick. Someone says they're tearing down the work by international artists, for legal reasons. I wake from my dream within a dream, hearing a TV news segment blasting loudly from the living room. Kevin Rudd with his gentle, personable voice announces that people on visas are being removed from the country, for the safety of Australia's citizens. I look to the lounge where my housemate and his partner are still nestled, and there is an Indigenous woman and her son beside them with faces glued to the screen, horrified. I assume they're our neighbours. That's it. Being friends with an ex is difficult at times, but we consider each other family. I'm sure we're too close, but it's too late. When he entered into a relationship a couple of years ago, I felt unsettled around the person and turned inward worrying the problem was mine, that maybe I'd never be happy for him finding love, but realised through the events of that union that that wasn't what it was. When he met this partner, I liked them from the word Go. They're gentle, kind, ultra-creative, generous, sweet, funny, interesting, considerate and just all around lovely. Just like Jack. I'm so happy for him and for them, I see a forever union there. I'm temperamental, at times childish, stubborn and cherish my solitude. Living with anybody can be difficult, living with an ex even when they've long surpassed romantic affiliation and held a purely platonic position for 6+ years still has it's difficulties. When he buys them flowers out of no where, and asks for my input in-store it's hard not to consider the years together I was told flowers were a bad gift because they die. When they go on dates, and celebrate anniversaries, it's hard not to consider that we never did those things. Jack's my best mate, we've spoken about every deep resentment, mistake, dark thought or nuanced reflection under the sun, we have bore witness to one another's growth, trials and tribulations. I still worry when I have dreams that appear to imply a fear of being replaced. I realise it's a natural concern, and unwarranted here. What a complicated dream, though.

[wisdominfumbling]

Dealing with divorced parents

This subject is no joke to me, being a child of divorce has got to be one of the hardest things ever, it really gives you perspective and you learn stuff that other kids wouldnt know until they go to summer camp like packing your whole life into a medium sized bag.

From my experience as a child it was not bad, definitely weird and uncomfortable but not completely bad. I think it got worse as soon as I became a teenager and tuned into a bitch, now that im an adult I can admit that I was complicated, specially when it came to my relationship with my dad, I could be more than a handfull but on my side of the story, he´s a complicated person too, so it wasnt as easy as you would imagine, at the end i just had to learn how to read him correctly and figure out when to act wild and when to play by the book. Now that im 22, our relationship is definately better, we still argue but not as bad.

But there is a side on having divorced parents I had personally never experienced until I realized that it was my little sister´s version of divorced parents. A bad divorce.

The way you divorce your partner can mean everything when it comes to the kids. it is never easy but you can definately try to make the situation easier and more amicable, well this is not the part. My dad´s divorce with his ex wife was bad. He kinda ended up cheating so she will take the divorce, my uncle had just passed, I was acting complicated and he was developing and growing his own business (not easy at all).

Im not gonna lie, my dad is way different now than how he was in his late 20s early 30s, hes a better father now, even he recognizes it, so my sister is growing with the good part, im happy for her. But everything cant be perfect, if you have a good dad you gotta have a shitty mom and if you have a shitty dad you gotta have a good mom, well now you know which one she got. I know its been hard for her cause she has to kinda take a side at the end of the day and i know for a fact that she has to lie to each parent and you see them suffer in different ways, sometimes one more than the other. Or so you think, I always thought my mom had it worst cause she had to stay with me, care for me daily and handle my mess; But it was not until I moved in with my dad and started talking more in depth with him that I realized that he also suffered a lot from not living with me, there are things that he never got to experience with me, like driving me to school everyday and picking me up, having my friends over, waking up at night cause I had a fever or a nightmare, school prep the night before, doctor´s appointment, driving me to my friends houses, waking up at 4 am to pick me up from a party, etc.. And I know he hurts from that, fuck it, I hurt too he´s my dad.

And then there´s the part where you start blaming people, the mom, the dad, grandparents, relatives, bad friendship advice, myself just so you can justify in a way that the relationship between them didn´t work out. But its nobody´s fault, with time you end up realizing that it just didnt work out and at the end of the day it was for the better.

I have never liked having divorced parents but it happened and that is my life. I am destined to have two houses that would never completely feel like home, to have my life scattered in places, to explain that your parents are divorced after meeting someone new, to make one of your parents feel bad when you "pick" the other one to do something, to deal with steps and having to accept them even if you dont like them because they make your parents happy and you dont want to see them lonely. Definately not an easy task as a daughter, if im honest i think I got my fist grey hair cause of all of this, but if you´re reading this and you´re wondering.. yes I till believe in love and happy ever after, maybe I can tell you about it another time.

[ultramagicalternate]

ULTRAMagic Interlude: Shadowland Chapter 22

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Master Post

Gratiana was a bit confused when Torunn showed up at the house, telling her that Sten wanted to see her. Naturally she became fairly annoyed when Torunn brought up that she had told Sten everything. On one hand, it was a relief to know that it was not an arrest. On the other hand, this threw a massive wrench into her plans. Gratiana set her book down, got up, and rightfully slapped Torunn across the face. To be fair, she was expecting that.

Not wanting to be spotted, Gratiana led Torunn to a secret passageway in an alley near Hawk Street. It was dank and wet, with grime all over the place. Since the two needed to walk for a bit, Torunn took the opportunity to ask Gratiana about her skills and magic. Likewise, she talked about hers. The fact that her new leader was so eager to bury the hatchet baffled Gratiana. At the same time, she was not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

The door to the throne room was guarded by a goopy shadow construct, but it bowed once it saw Gratiana and opened the grinding door. “By the Source, Torunn. I keep forgetting how unbearable the mustiness of those tunnels are.” Gratiana took a deep breath of fresh air.

“You thought that was bad? We had livestock everywhere in my village back home. Summers were brutal when the fertilizer was ready…”

She gagged at the mere thought. “Torunn, please. I do not envy you in the slightest…”

Torunn laughed. “Alright, Sten, we’re here.”

“Very good. Gratiana, it is quite the occasion that you stand before me as an ally, given what Andelin has told me. Furthermore, I have been informed that you wish to duel for your honor?”

“Yes, your royal highness…” She turned to glare at Torunn. “Is there something about this that you wish to know?”

“No, because I hereby veto this duel…” This caused Gratiana to flare her nostrils at Torunn. “Now hold up, Lady Arlotti. I have a good reason for this…”

She relaxed. “And what would that be?”

“Dunja has informed me that Milosh still has a card up his sleeve, in the form of a secret stockpile of shadow constructs…”

“Gratiana, remember when Lia went over my head that one time?” Dunja inquired.

She thought about the incident in question. “Wait, she actually went through with setting up the delta plan?”

Dunja regretfully nodded. “Yup… Some of Sten’s spies within the cult have noticed Milosh going to check on them.”

“So the concern is that he might try to unleash them…”

“...during the demolition” Andelin continued. “A trivial threat, but they could complicate Barna’s plans greatly.”

Gratiana considered the ramifications of such an upset. “Fair enough, I’ll concede on this one.”

“We’re not trying to rain on your parade” Torunn assured. “It’s just that Barna may need more help than we initially thought.”

“Wait a second, Sten? What about my past actions with the cult?”

“I haven’t forgotten. Aside from what I’ve been told, it’s clear that you’re making an effort to right your wrongs. You can’t just tell me that multiple people and stations relevant to you just decided to give up. Someone in the upper echelons of the cult would have had to have orchestrated those.”

Dunja had a smug grin on her face as she looked directly at Gratiana. “Okay fine, Dunja: I was being a bit hypocritical for calling out your handwriting in regards to Albrecht.”

Sten gestured for a steward to hand a rolled up paper to Gratiana. “Aside from your recent actions, I am also fully aware of your secret acts of charity in the past. And since you have made it clear where your allegiance lies as of late, I have prepared your pardon.”

She was silent for a moment. “All of you are too nice…” Gratiana pointed out as she read, trying to hold back her tears. Dunja then gave her a hug.

Odo had been listening in from a side table and walked over. “All’s well that ends well, Gratiana. Given what Andelin has been telling me, I was hoping it’d come to this…”

“... agreed” Andelin said as she shuffled her deck. “Now if only Feuerland could have also gotten such a happy ending… Regardless, we’re all here now and that’s what matters. We can finally move on from all that cult nonsense.” Despite her positive outlook, something warranted a regretful sigh. “Too bad Lia’s still out there…”

“Yeah, I was going to ask about that. Who is this Lia individual?” This elicited groans from Gratiana and Dunja.

“Lia Alscher, or Lia the Proselytizer” Dunja answered. “She was the unofficial fourth blade, a role originally meant for Adriana Hawthorne… Andelin, what in blue blazes ever happened to Adriana? She’s not in your deck, is she?”

“Er, no… I just sent her off on a wild goose chase.”

“To where, exactly?” Gratiana questioned.

“Oh, The City of Mages to find an artifact I’m pretty sure doesn’t exist. Don’t worry, she’s still alive.”

Sten’s interest peaked. “Curiously, what were you planning to do with her, Dunja?”

“Well, she was a bookworm and a good writer. Milosh wanted her on board as a propagandist, but obviously Andelin took issue with that…”

She chuckled. “Punish me as you see fit, Dunja.”

“Right… Sten, what do you want to do about her? As much as I wanted her on board, I have no idea what she’d do if she was here” Dunja said with concern behind her words.

“Given that she never actually served Milosh, I see no reason to keep her away” Sten put forth. “Could you summon her back, Andelin?”

“Sure thing.” She got out a card and prepared to speak into it. “Adriana, drop what you’re doing and head to The Iron City to standby.”

“The Iron City?” Odo asked, wondering.

“The City of Mages is no walk in the park and she’s prone to getting lost. Milosh will probably be long dead by the time she makes it out of there, hehe.”

“Ah, I see. Anyways, back to Lia. Dunja?”

“Right…” She sighed. “So Lia became the spokesperson for the cult. She was good at it too. Young, gorgeous, charismatic, and a way with words. The issue was that me and Gratiana never approved this recruitment. I wanted Adriana as a replacement for Torunn, as she came off as quiet and obedient. Lia on the other hand was proactive and shrewd, so you can imagine my anxiety back then.”

Torunn shook her head. “It’s surreal to hear you talk about me like that, you know?” The two chuckled.

“As for where she is now? Well Milosh sent her out to find new recruits when Blood and Leif flew over Shadowland…”

Sten thought about that. “Hmm… and given the lack of new cult members, she either died or got caught up in something. Knowing our luck, it’s probably the latter.”

“Well that’s concerning,” Odo replied. “I may have to pull double duty at the market district for a while…”

The rest of the meeting consisted of discussing concerns over the demolition. As it went on, Gratiana was growing more and more convinced that her original plans for a duel at the same time was not a good idea. It was unfortunate as Dunja had truly inspired her. Afterwards, to make things easier for all of them, Sten had Gratiana stay in the castle until everything was ready. She was hesitant at first, but everyone insisted. Plus there was the fact that Sten wanted to know more about Feuerland. Yngvild also wished to get to know her better.

Back at Claudius’ home, Aureolus was showing The Fear all sorts of stuff and telling him all about Blood-Wraith in particular. Entities like him were very rare and hard to come by, fascinating the primordial. The fact that Blood-Wraith had inherited The Dragon of Old’s power, making him Leif’s successor, deepened The Fear’s interest even further. Of course Aureolus joked that his friend was The Worrywart of Old in response to this idea of succession. While they laughed at the irony, it could not hide the legitimate concern behind it.

“I am worried for him. He’s been through a lot since his birth. A little too much if you ask me” Aureolus asserted.

The Fear thought about something relating to Milosh for a moment. “Hm, I hope Valerie doesn’t end up causing trouble, given that she’s still out there. That’ll probably drive Blood crazy.”

“Agreed. Unfortunately I have a feeling she’s up to something. Ultimatum was hinting at it before I left. Either way, I’m hoping the stuff I’m learning will cheer Blood up. And taking care of Milosh will probably help him sleep well too.”

“Hey, Aureolus? Do you think I could also achieve ULTRAMagic some day?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know, Fear. Do you think you have the fortitude for it?”

“Hum… I’m not sure…”

“Then don’t worry about it for now. Don’t push yourself into it if you don’t feel up to it. It’ll come to you when you’re ready.”

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right…” The Fear got up, only for his stomach to growl. This made him chuckle. “Well I guess I’m The Hunger rather than The Fear right now.”

Aureolus laughed. “Well it is close to dinner time after all. Let’s go see what Claudius is cooking up.”

The smell of pasta, tomato sauce, and fresh bread was wafting through the air as Aureolus and The Fear entered the dining hall. Several people were waiting at the table, that being Barna, Weaver, Albrecht, and Gabriella. The aromas became even greater as the boys entered the kitchen. Claudius was going back and forth, tending to various foods. From how things appeared, he was adding the finishing touches.

“Ciao, ragazzi. Getting hungry, I take it?” Claudius asked as he dropped something into a saucepan.

“Definitely” The Fear replied. “Hey, what did you just add to that?”

“Sugar. It balances out the acidity of the tomato sauce, but just a pinch. We don’t want to go overboard.”

“Oh, fascinating. Need any help?”

“Actually yes. Could you boys get the bread out of the oven? Use the oven mitts as they’ll be hot.”

Aureolus got ready and pulled out a loaf on a tray, followed by The Fear. They smelled amazing as they put them on the counter. “I take it that it’s pasta tonight?” Aureolus asked.

“SÌ. Something compelled me to do some cooking today, like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I figured why not do a big dinner tonight? Again, it’s the strangest feeling…”

The Fear put two and two together for a second, then giggled. “Well actually, Mr. Alfieri, that was probably my doing.”

He looked at The Fear, then nodded. “Then you have my gratitude. Moltobene.”

Just as Claudius and the boys began bringing the food trolleys out, Dunja and Torunn entered the hall. “Hungry! That is the name of the game!” Torunn proclaimed.

“Ma, mom! There you are” Albrecht welcomed. “Hey, where’s Andelin?”

“At the castle with Gratiana” Dunja replied. “Sten’s probably having them write an entire set of history books on Feuerland at this point.”

“I trust you guys got the letter we sent out?” Torunn asked as they sat down.

Barna nodded and put away his papers. “Definitely. Quite the shake up I have to say. I’ll have to treat Gratiana to a drink later for all the help she’s provided.”

“We would have told you about it sooner,” Weaver put in. “She wanted to be sneaky and clever, however.”

“Speaking of which, a drink to you too, when we get the chance. Well done for talking some sense into her.”

Weaver chuckled. “Hey, all in a day’s work.”

“It’s a shame she couldn’t be here, but there’s always next time” Claudius remarked. “Alright, everyone, come and get your food. Buon appetito.”

Next: 

ULTRAMagic Alternate © 2022 William Ford II (ChaoticTempleKnight)

[fiftyohm]

Who is LBJ?

A person with compassion, Who was his mentor, FDR or JFK?

Before reading the book [1], we knew only a few facts about LBJ (Lyndon Baines Johnson); for example, he was catapulted to Presidency from VP on the death of JFK, the President; he and Robert, JFK's brother, had serious conflicts; he treated the widow Jackie fairly well; and he may not handle the Vietnam War as well as he liked, which had become his liability.

After reading [1], we learned that he actually was a person with compassion; he passed many important laws: 1964 Civil Rights, 1965 Voting Rights, Medicare and Medicaid (as Social Security amendment), and Immigration and Nationality Act 1965. He passed these important Democratic legislatures, not because he was VP of JFK, but, indeed, he was a protégé of FDR, who promoted New Deal, and LBJ himself worked whole life to promote Great Society. Most importantly, he did these because of, from what I can gather, compassion he had for common people, especially, the poor and blacks. He felt deeply for his servants (both poor and black) who had to walk a long way no bus, no restroom along the way, endured in-human treatment of the society to reach LBJ’s home.

According to [2], Franklin D. Roosevelt‚ was a great man and a shrewd politician, LBJ, the protégé, is at least shrewder. I cannot find the examples of LBJ’s shrewdness, but I found his dark side mentality (characters: fear of failure, and inadequacy), which is more intriguing (making him a real, tragic, vulnerable human being) than the simple facts people have known about him.

He had complicated indecisive nature, cannot declare the candidacy for the 1964 presidency until it was too late; because of his fear of failure (horror of making mistakes [2]). The fear has a lot to do with his father. His father had failed before which caused the whole family descended into poor.

He was graduated from Southwest Teacher’s College, and considered himself not smart enough (inadequate), like Kennedy’s cabinet members, full of Ivy League graduates.

With these dark side, hidden characters, it was natural he was struggling to manage relations with Robert F Kennedy. As a VP, he was ill-treated, ignored purposely by RFK (or un-intentionally by JFK); and right after he became President, everything was reversed, and it was RFK’s turn to have many sleepless nights. Before November 22, 1963, LBJ even lamented "Being VP like being a cut dog [1, p. 205]." In contrast, on December 29, 1963 he hosted a state dinner from Texas, the first social gathering after the death of JKF. In it (Texas White House Christmas Part), everything is Texas; Stetsons hats, 500 lbs of briskets, 300 lbs of spareribs, special barbecue, while at the background, Lady Bird, accompanying the guest, Erhard (German Chancellor), with Johnson behind, offered smiles, gifts, and hugs [1, p. 508]. What a drastic difference!

As a matter of fact, JFK and LBJ complement each other nicely. He has good sense of power; from observing people, from the mentors, also from practicing it (being a House representative and Senator); his success is a lot attributed to two mentors Roosevelt (a protégé to Roosevelt), House speaker Sam Rayburn. JFK proposed legislatures, and LBJ passed them, since he (LBJ) understood how Senate worked. He was a practical (hands-on) person, however, he lacked finesse that may be needed in complicated political matters, see Vietnam War (Liability) below.

He had self-destructive, self-indulged tendency; he resumed smoking right after his presidency. He consumed 3 packs a day, a true chain smoker.  It was sad, because he died at age of 64 (on January 22, 1973, 4 years and 2 days after completed his Presidency); it was really too young to die.

It is also important to mention that he had good family, wife and two daughters.

Great Society (Some failed, though)

During his presidency, he passed, promoted or supported important Democratic legislatures: 1964 Civil Rights, 1965 Voting Rights (first term), War on Poverty, Medicare and Medicaid (Social Security Amendments), 1965 Immigration and Nationality Act. These legislatures have long lasting effects on today’s US society.

He also signed 1965 Immigration and Nationality Act, Hart-Celler Act, into law, which abolished National Origins Formula which had been the basis of the U.S. immigration policies since 1920s. Senator Philip Hart and Congressman Emanuel Celler introduced a bill to repeal the . The bill received wide support from both northern Democratic and Republican members of Congress, but strong opposition mostly from Southern Democrats, the latter mostly voting Nay or Not Voting. LBJ, a Southern Democrat himself, supported the legislature [3].

Great Society seems a proper term to summarize his life-time democratic valued efforts (including War on Poverty), as compared to New Deal, which was championed by his mentor FDR.

Vietnam War (Liability)

Vietnam War, under his presidency, became worse . In Cuba crises, Johnson took hawkish stand, as opposed to the more dovish approach taken by his boss. It is no wonder that, in his rein, Vietnam war became worse.

References

[1] Robert A. Caro, The Years of Lyndon Johnson -- The Passage of Power, May 1, 2012

[2] Michael C. Janeway, “Lyndon Johnson’s Other Wars,” The Atlantic, September 1967 [3] Immigration and Nationality Act of 1965, Wikipedia.

[3] Immigration and Nationality Act of 1965, Wikipedia.

October 30, 2023

[maureenalipio]

What's going on lately... (Part 2)

As we go along with life, you will never run out of problems, heartbreaks, and disappointments. There was this book that I read in which the author says to never wish a life that has no problems. It's not always that you will only go through ups. You MUST have downs, with that said this will make you stronger like a rock that turns into a diamond. Avoiding problems will also take you to more problems and it would cause a lot in your mental health.

I've been through a heartbreak/huge disappointment recently to a specific bond with this person. I met this person at my first job, he was my leader. I had a huge crush on him and we got close to a point that I didn't realized I was too attached already. He is a good person a good friend. We had a lot of memories during the time that I was still working with him. Suddenly, I didn't notice that I was falling. At the time we were both struggling with our own lives, there was this one time, that I went by to his house because I didn't know what to do anymore, I was about to end my life. I thought about going to him maybe he could help me, and he showed up. I was struggling about my role as a trainer and having problems at home at the same time. He was there to lift me up though he was at his low point at that time as well, I really admired him for this. We always go out to eat and talk about everything we can talk about. I've known him as a person who doesn't go with this colleagues for outside shift shenanigans'. Until such day, his new team had grew into a circle of friends. His team calls me "Mimau" like Mommy Mau, and I felt considered and belonged. At my part I was also glad because I actually do not have an actual group of people at the office. I only go to work and focus on what I should do and the same goes for him, he opened up and said "Nilabas niyo ang kulit ko" and it was so good to hear. We had this like deal that we're here for each other and I felt safe whenever I was with him, like in a rainy day in my car at Antipolo City while eating ice cream and talk about our lives or going on an arcade at a mall at his place. He loved that place. I listened to his funny stories, wisdom, and rants, and I always loved that. The simple things we do, was really treasurable for me. I really loved the feeling of taking care of him, and it wasn't a big deal for me.

Until such time that things got quite complicated, I hear a lot of bad things about him that makes me wonder if it was really true. At that point as well, I was going through some symptoms of depression and anxiety due to what's happening on my workplace and family problems. Part of it about him as well, it really adds up to my anxiety that caused me to overthink. I was never an overthinker before, but it just so happens that I turned to be one. I left my job, and I still get in touch with him but I still hear a lot of things that I can't believe. I still try to give the benefit of the doubt and try to protect him still, and one thing that people always tell me, "Get over him". I reassessed all over the things we had, and asked myself why do I need to get over him, and I slowly came to realize that I was really attached to this person, and was all blinded and neglected all the warning signs from this person. I know for a fact that he also has his reason why things happen on his part, and I was just really disappointed because he made me believe that he was all different from anyone else. I really looked up to him. I was though inspired to this person. That's when I learned that to never expect and you must only believe them when they actually practiced what they preached. People ain't perfect you know, but the fact that they made you believe that they are like this and all that, it would lead you to HUGE disappointments. I also learned to care less than I used to, and I wanted to think of myself even more.

I came to decide, to cut him off for a moment. I wasn't angry at him at all. I just needed to remove the attachment that I had with this person. Which was a huge mistake for me to get attached. It was so hard for me because in a span of a year and a half, I was there for him and now I have to slowly delete the cycle in my mind of this person whom I still don't know if it's true if he really did cared for me. I poured out all my courage and strength to say all the things that I wanted and the last message he replied struck me the most, "Go take your time to redeem yourself". I felt like he didn't want me to go, but I feel like I must do this for me. I felt like this is not good anymore. It was so heartbreaking that even at work or even walking on a sunny day, I randomly cry. I isolated myself from people because I am slowly becoming a monster and a toxic person, I became this person who passes negative energy, and at that point people were avoiding me and worst I loss some people. I became the person who I said I am not going to be. There was also one instance at work that I requested to switch mentors during my training because the way my mentor coaches reminds me of him in which makes me distracted and never really learn the work that I needed to do, it gave me a lot of anxiety as well. I felt bad because he was a really good mentor but I need to focus since I am eager to get certified at this company because it supplies my health needs. The good thing was he really appreciated me for opening up and for being honest. Now we are close friends, and she's my "yosi buddy".

In a span of time, I still have this symptom of depression and anxiety. I felt like everything was useless and going to work and taking a shower or even waking up feels like a chore. I was also isolating myself and was so quiet that I wanted to hurt myself again. I've had a lot of intrusive thoughts that my body is shivering and having a hard time going to sleep. There was this time that I couldn't sleep for almost a week and my body and brain still works actively. Until such time that I decided to get myself checked because it's already affecting my physical health, funny enough that I took a major in psychology and it happens that I will be an outpatient to an institution that I've dreamt of applying for an on-the-job training back in college. I consulted with a psychiatrist and figured out that I had this depression that wasn't clearly treated and now Bipolar symptoms were also occurring. I really had high temper and low patience as I observed. I always burst out of the blue and sometimes I go through a dark state in which I have the potential to hurt myself again. I've been like this since 2017, but never really had the guts to seek help. In the Philippines, mental health isn't really treated as though it's also a medical condition. They see it as a hoax or "pag-iinarte". They see mental health conditions visible in which if the individual is already like talking to himself or dancing around in public naked all in dirt for example. My family is not really a believer in mental health problems, in fact one time in 2017, I was rushed to the emergency room because I was hyperventilating and trembling. The doctor on duty advised to consult with a psychiatrist. My parents mocked me and laughed at me as if I'm just acting up. At that point, I never really opened up to my parents till then. It was really hard for me because no one understands you, your friends were there to listen but they don't actually understood as well. Now that I have the guts and I didn't bothered anymore to what people might say or think because I know that this is for my own sake. I was also struck to this generation that mental health is finally acknowledged but sadly, due to scarcity of facilities and specialists, treatments are very expensive and limited here in the Philippines.

Now, I am taking medical prescriptions like mood stabilizers and anti-depressants which are very expensive and I've been helping myself by reading self-help books that actually calms my mind and I really learn a lot of things! I was also glad that I've tried to seek help to my current company I'm in about my current condition and they are here to give options to help me without getting anything out of your pocket. I am very grateful that I am in a better place, and I want to keep in mind that there are things that I couldn't control and I only want to focus and appreciate the things that I have right now. My friends, my mom, my brother, and my cats. Some things may go or must need to let go for the better and it will actually turn out as a huge lesson for us. I am still on the process of moving on and gaining strength, I go out with friends and family from time to time, go on me-time dates and eat at restaurants that are part of my bucket lists. Though I still get relapses and kind of miss the person, and I still have this hope to see him again soon, but surely by that time, I will make sure that I am stronger and already healed. I hope he does too on his silent battles.

One thing that people must know that mental health matters and it is something that also needs attention just as the same with any other medical conditions. You may see people who functions well but you wouldn't really know what they are actually going through. So to anyone as well that might need to seek professional help but hesitant because of what other people might say or think, do it if there's a chance. It's for your own good. Help yourself and speak now before it's too late. Also, for everyone who is lucky enough for not having to go through this, let me tell you this, everyone has their battles to deal with, be fuckin' nice.

[timothy-mark-brachmanis]

The Search for a Balanced Life

My story is complicated, or so it seems to me. Maybe everyone feels that way when asked to write about something so personal as a major event in their life that changed who they are. I feel like I have already lived 5 or 6 lives, its been packed full of experiences both great and devastating. I will try to decide what specifically to write about as I go.

I am going to attempt to tell the story of how I learned the importance of a balanced life, and now how I try to keep my life in control by remembering the past each day. Not in a negative way, but to be better.

I worked too much, studied too little, never slept enough and certainly did not get regular exercise. I was too busy to take calls from my parents and would many times be late picking up my children. I was not happy even though money was plentiful.

I really did try to please everyone and cause no harm. When I was young I engaged in volunteer community work, visiting the elderly and talking with them, helping with yard work, etc. I really enjoyed it. They had so many stories and when I saw their photos, they seemed so real, relevant, they were just older. I often sensed that they still felt as if they were the same age as in the photos, at the peak of their lives. It was a wonderful time for me too.

As I reached my late teens and early twenties, maybe due to financial constraints, I focused on work and business to be able to help my family, instead of what I really loved, which was Architecture, Philosophy and Psychology. I slowly stopped reading as many books each week, stopped going to the library daily, stopped drawing, stopped going catamaran sailing and surfing every day, and started working more hours and planning my next purchases, 5 years out. Over a period of years it seemed like I was just the outer form of the person I was before. It became a practice, even after funds were no problem.

I went into business for myself. I started with a small service business then moved into property development, one house at a time, by myself. It was good. I was making money and not too much stress. Opportunities arose where I was able to do more at a time and maybe due to my youth and inexperience I did not see how it can get to a point where you cannot manage it, due to time constraints and I became almost a slave to it. Your reputation grows as it grows and prestige and so does your ego. I think I believed that you can do it all. We all have limitations. I certainly did. I got away from who I was, I almost forgot who I was.

I donʼt want to dilute my story, I want to try to keep it accurate and try to tell it as it was, if that is possible. I think I had everything most people want or believe makes one happy. But I wasnʼt happy. I was too busy to even enjoy what I had. I felt like a slave to the business and I didnʼt have any time to do things for others anymore.

The business transactions grew larger, and so did the risks. Somehow along the way, in the blur, there was tax issues, litigation, shareholder issues, and economic downturns which took more of my time to deal with.

One day I came home and all was quiet, very quiet. My wife and 2 children werenʼt there. My wife had grown tired of me never being around, our relationship had weakened and she left. That was a turning point. I wanted my family, more than the business.

Extricating myself was very painful. There was no way out but through very painful loss. The costs were huge, but I think ultimately worth it. I had to pay the price. I lost it all and even lost freedom. But I do still have the life of experiences that have now shaped the way I live each day.

I gained a fresh perspective, remembered who I was originally and re established my core values. I try to have a balanced day now with enough rest, some work, nutritious food, family time, study every day and a little culture each day. Even a glass of cheap Cabernet Sauvignon sometimes.

I am happy to say that Iʼm trying to maintain a balanced life now and by balancing the above activities in each day, I donʼt seem to have enough time to do too much of any one thing, just the right amount, and not get into trouble.

I suppose that could really be the story of all of us, in our own way, trying to be bold and brave and live our lives and tell our story. Sometimes we need to be reminded to be balanced. It is a protection and helps us live a happy Long life.

[en-hale-archives]

Me with You ~~

pairing ⑅ bestfriend!Jake x fem!reader

genre ⑅ friends to lovers, fluff, slow dancing, suggestive/smut

words/read time ⑅ 3.9k/12-19 mins

warnings ⑅ 18+ content, light cussing

synopsis ⑅ Jake is back in his hometown to spend time with his closest friend. During some fun and frivolous dancing, things start to heat up...

author's note ⑅ I’m really proud of how this story turned out. I'm not a huge fan of second person, so I wrote in first, but if anyone asks, I can copy and post again in second person. It's more fluff than anything, but it does get a bit steamier towards the end, so I’m just going to go ahead and put a warning.

————✧————

When the back door finally slammed shut and the cacophony of barks faded down the street, I could finally let out my sigh of relief that I had been holding in since this morning. I tapped on my phone. How many days had we been watching Mrs. Chen’s pets? And just how was I able to put up with hours of barking, the smell of fresh turd lying across the lawn, and dog walks till dark? Including their rigorous feeding times and bathroom breaks -- I’m surprised I haven’t exploded yet.

I had so much planned the minute they left my house, but instead, the sudden silence felt all too relaxing and I laid my head against the cold countertop. I could finally stop stressing, stop thinking, and stop worrying about reprimanding for chewing on my shoes or peeing in the house or the continued barking that never ended. I was free. I felt like I could’ve stayed laid on the countertop forever, drowning in the evening sun. Who knew watching five dogs would take such a burden out of a person. Jake and I had taken on the job of dog sitting for Mrs. Chen while she visited some family in Tokyo. We both switched off every other day; some of the dogs at my house and the others at his; until we realized it would be easier if he just spent the few days at my house as we co-doggy sat. He got up bright and early to take them on their walks while I prepared their highly detailed and specific meals. Then from there, we spent the rest of the day making sure they didn’t run off somewhere or cause too much destruction in the house. But alas, Mrs. Chen came back early from her getaway and picked up Toby, Caleb, Khao, Sofia, and Pickle on her way home. Although I was exhausted from watching 3-foot dogs all day, the pay was amazing for me, and it would help tremendously for all the online classes I was going to be taking next semester.

The warmth of the sun cast a comforting trance over my heavy eyelids, and soon enough I was fast asleep, standing in the middle of the kitchen with the soft sound of nothing surrounding me.

By the time I had fluttered my eyes open, I had realized I was now seated in my dining chair and a large black jacket was placed over my shoulders. I sat up and let out a yawn, wincing at the bright light coming from the tv and shaking my now numb arm awake. I must have been sleeping for a while because the evening sun had turned to pitch of black. The moonlight beamed through the window and danced along with the sways of the large oak tree out front. I stood up and walked over to the refrigerator in which I grabbed two water bottles and some leftover pasta.

I was sure that Jake hadn’t eaten since lunch, seeing as he only ate if someone sat food in front of his face. I dragged my feet up the stairs until I heard the slamming of a book and the fast typing of a keyboard come from the living room. I turned and looked behind me. Jake had settled his things on the coffee table and floor, large books, folders, and several amounts of crumpled up pieces of paper found their way around Jake, himself slouched up against the edge of the couch. He had changed clothes since the last time I had seen him, he now wore a plain blue shirt with grey sweats, his eyebrows furrowed as he worked hard on whatever he was getting at.

“Oh yes, I was starving!” Propping himself up on the couch, he took the plate of pasta. I placed the waters on the coffee table and settled comfortably on the couch beside him.

“I can’t say that I’ve ever seen anybody sleep standing up before. Look,” Jake took his phone off the charger. “I got a picture.” He pushed the screen in my face, and of course, there was my unconscious body laying on the counter, mouth open and all. I playfully pushed it back his way as his face lit up with a smile I was all too familiar with.

“What are you doing down here so late, it’s almost 12 in the morning,” I asked. Jake’s smile disappeared when he was reminded of the work he had been doing seconds before.

He let out a large huff of air. “Trying to get some words on paper but instead it turned into a paper massacre,” he jokingly replied, “sorry for the mess.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I replied, taking a swig of water. I was going to ask if he wanted to watch a late-night movie, or pull an all-nighter and talk endlessly until the sun rose, but I could tell by each passing second that Jake was worried about this, and he wanted the time he had now over the summer to work on his music. I wished I was motivated to work on my own music, but unlike Jake, I wasn’t in a globally popular boy band. My complicated best friend for over 10 years had been working his butt off since middle school. It was his annual time to sit back and relax while he had the time to, but instead, he chose to use that time to help watch a bunch of dogs with his hometown bestie. God, I loved him.

Jake pulled himself off the couch and right back onto the floor, leaving the rest of the pasta to me. He picked up his pen again and started scribbling down words as quickly as he could, trying hard not to forget the lyrics that had floated into his head. Until he stopped, closing his eyes for just a split second, and let out a powerful sigh. Crumpling up the sheet, he stacks it on top of the others in frustration and started frantically tapping his pencil against the table.

“Maybe it’s best to just try again in the morning,” I advised, taking a small bite of the pasta that was left by my side.

“How come I’m having such a hard time with this?” He gazed up at me frantically for a clue, as if I had the answer to fix a problem as big and as important as his was. I looked at his doleful eyes and the bags that were starting to grow underneath them. I couldn’t help but think, because I made you sit up and watch a bunch of dogs with me.

“Do you want me to see if I could come up with something?”

“If you want. But, hold on, I think my thoughts are coming back up.” He quickly grabbed another piece of paper, his eyes narrowed in concentration.

I tried my best to keep occupied by watching videos on my phone, but I found myself suddenly bored out of my mind. I laid out on my back and picked up one of Jake’s folders. Briefly looking through it, I couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous at the amount of fan art and letters, praising him and the other members. Followed with that were just more and more engene stuff, full of nothing but kind words and heartfelt messages. Part of me wished that I was able to travel with Jake and see the world like he was. How fun would it be to meet people that praised you? And how cool would it be to see that you had fans? I couldn’t help but plaster on a huge smile as I skimmed through some of the notes until I finally came to one with familiar handwriting.

Remember Me were the words written on the top of the paper in bold and bright colors. But the message written underneath is what caught my attention:

To the person that makes me the luckiest guy in the world, this song is for you. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same, but please just remember me -- it was Jake’s handwriting.

I didn’t feel like I was breaking any crime reading his stuff until this moment, but curiosity killed the cat, and right now I didn’t mind being a feline. I checked to make sure Jake was still busy, and he was, almost like he had teleported into his own world. I quietly turned back to the sheet and started reading. It was about a girl, presumably his crush I’m sure. She was someone important to him, someone who made him love so much that it hurt. But this was far from a happy song, in fact, it was terribly heartbreaking. She didn’t understand his love, she wasn’t able to interpret it like he wanted her to. But he confesses that he was scared of what telling her would do, worried that she wouldn’t feel the same. So instead, it was like he was apologizing, and asking that she forgive him for not being brave enough to tell her, and if he did ever get the courage to, for her to remember him even if she wasn’t able to love him like he wanted her to.

The song ends like how the title began, and I find myself flabbergasted at the beautiful mixes of rhymes and metaphors that read like a poem. This was the first of Jake’s songs that made me feel this way, like I had just finished watching a tragedy movie with Ryan Renolds starring. I blink back the tears that I didn’t realize were forming. How come he never told me this? We never kept secrets from each other, like ever. It never mattered the subject or the severity, we had always promised that we would be open and honest with each other. I wish I would’ve known this sooner, maybe I could’ve saved him from feeling this way. And what girl could it possibly be? I knew for sure I was the only girl he was presumably close to; but was there someone else?

I glanced down at Jake, who was still in a focused state of mind with the pencil in his mouth and mumbling lyrics softly under his breath. I tried picturing my bubbly Jake writing these agonizing words and miserably failed.

Jake looked up at me as if he could feel my gaze on the back of his head. “I think I’ve found the chorus, but it’s the rest of the song I’m not able to get, and how come it’s so hard to find another word that rhymes with severe? Beer? Sphere? Revere? Appear? Gosh, rhyming sucks some serious ass!”

“This song is beautiful.”

Jake furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Huh?”

“This song I found in your folder.” I glanced back at it in my hand. “Remember Me.”

Jake’s gaze leaped from my eyes to the sheet, and I felt his body tense. “Where’d you get that from?”

“I was just going through one of your folders. Did you accidentally get it mixed up in your fan folder? Cause this is -”

“Did you read it?” He interrupted.

“Yeah, and it’s perfect.”

Jake glanced at me for a split second before turning back around, obviously uncomfortable. “I was watching one of those Kdramas you love so much and it inspired me. Could you help me rhyme with severe now?”

I knew Jake like the back of my hand, so I knew continuing on with this conversation would get him upset if he’s clearly avoiding it. But, I wasn’t going to just let him off that quickly. “Jake, come on, you can tell me anything. Who is this about?”

Jake looked back at me with a hint of something in his eyes, something I’ve never seen before, and something I wasn't able to decipher. “Nobody, I was just feeling really inspired, that's it.” His tone had switched from calm to agitated.

I give him my I’m-not-stupid look and he comes back with his own you’re-being-delusional stare. “It’s seriously nobody, truthfully and honestly.”

“Okay, okay I’ll back off.” I could tell he was starting to get defensive, and when he got like that, it took him at least a few hours before returning to normal. I watched Jake's Adam's apple move up and down, a way in which I could tell he knew I was not convinced in the slightest. “Well, sometimes we go through things that can remind us of situations like that, but not necessarily in that same exact context, you know? It has to be amplified for that audience appeal.”

“Okay...but have you ever felt this way before? Not exactly like how it’s written, but maybe somewhere along these lines?”

I thought I was going to get another vague answer, or worse, an aggravated one. But instead Jake looked down at his pencil as he tapped it along his wrist. “...maybe, but I think everyone can connect to the words in some way. I mean, everyone feels some kind of heartbreak in their life, right?” Jake's answer was still pretty vague, but at least I was able to get something out of him.

“Okay, but you know you can tell me anything, like, anything ever because you know that you’ll never actually have to feel this way, right?” I said, maybe too much in a hurry.

“Of course I know that.” He replied, giving one of his awkward grins.

“And if anyone has made you feel this way, then you know you can tell me that too cause there a sucker to lose out on a perfect person like you.” I teased in a sing-song way, poking his shoulder hard. Jake chuckled and poked me back.

A weird silence grew in the room, and Jake went back to trying to find rhyming words. I tried getting back on my phone, but I knew I needed to say something to let go of the tenseness in the air.

“Hey, crystal clear rhymes!”

He leaned his head back and looked up at me. “Nevermind, I give up for tonight.”

I could see the stress that played on his face. “Don’t worry, you’ll figure it out.”

“Yeah, but by the time I do, it’ll be too late.”

“What do you mean?”

Jake pulled his knees up to his chest and spoke. “This was going to go on our album comeback that needs to be finished in the next four months. By the time I think of something, it'll be too late and I’ll have to wait until the next four months. But by then, I'll have forgotten. This always happens and I have no idea how the hell to fix it.” I couldn’t tell if he wanted my help or just a bit of comfort.

“Did you try asking the other guys to see if they had any ideas?”

“Yeah, but they’re working on their own parts, I can’t ask them to do this too.”

“I’m sure they’d be willing to help if you asked,” I assured him.

“I know they would, but I just don’t want to. I always ask them for help, I thought being away from the studio and being back home would help my brainstorming abilities.” He gave a weary chuckle that almost sounded like a groan.

“Well, maybe tomorrow will come with better results.” I did my best to give him some motivation, but I could tell I was failing miserably at that too.

Jake watched as a car zoomed past the window, a low bass sounding off as it zoomed away. “I bet it’s easier to just listen to music than to try and come up with it. I remember when I would just blare NCT all day long and jam out in my room. It seemed so much easier back then to come up with stuff than it does now. I miss it.” He took a slight pause before continuing. “ Did you know that song you read was the easiest thing I have written in my life? I remember writing too. I just had this super weird feeling in my chest one day so I basically locked myself in my room and took maybe two hours and just wrote a bunch of words down and connected them to sound like a song. For once my mind had just gone blank and I couldn’t stop thinking and feeling that song, like I knew what it was supposed to sound like, I knew what the lyrics were supposed to mean. I just knew everything. And I miss that feeling, that feeling of like- '' He broke off his sentence when he looked back up to my eyes. It seemed like he was talking more to himself than to me. He swallowed hard and looked back at the pencil still in hand.

“Well, I'm sorry you don’t feel free anymore. I wish there was something I could do to make you feel like that again-”

“No, please don’t feel like that. It’s just something that had just recently started happening, something I really just can’t fix…” His voice gets softer and softer the more he spoke.

“Have you spoken to your manager about it?” I asked. “He’s super nice from what I understand. And he’ll probably have better answers than your friend who can barely play the piano, let alone produce an entire song.”

Jake laughed before I had the chance to. “ See, now you're underestimating yourself. Remember that song from freshman year? The one about-- what was his name, Josh?” Jake teased. I grabbed a pillow and slammed it into the back of his head. “Oh my gosh, I thought we promised we’d never bring it up again!”

Jake chuckled and laid his arm on the couch completely turning towards me. “How about we sneak out and go get ice cream and try to not wake up your mom in the process?”

I suddenly jumped to my feet when I have the perfect idea on how to cheer up the gloomy Mr. Shim. “Or, we could do something even better!”

“Urgh!” Jake groaned.

I grabbed my phone and hooked it up to the speaker. I was going to turn on his hit song Drunk-Dazed as a joke, but Jake needed this break from his career, so instead, I crunk up Beyonce as loud as it could go without disturbing my mom who slept upstairs. I turn back to Jake and reach out for his hands, already moving my hips to the music.

He shook his head and threw it back onto the couch as if throwing a temper tantrum. “I literally dance for a living.”

“Okay but this will be different, I promise.” I grabbed the piles of papers on the ground and threw them in the trash, I then pushed the coffee table near the wall and piled his folders and books neatly on top.

“Come on, cowboy!” I grabbed his hands and helped him up. He was reluctant to get up, but he threw one last groan before standing on his feet.

“This will get the brain juices flowing again!” I told him. I go back to my phone and switch it to one of my favorite Beyonce songs that she covered, At Last.

I sang dramatically to get Jake to smile, and luckily, it worked. I placed both my hands over his shoulders and swayed us back and forth, still miming the song as overly exaggerated as I could. Jake still couldn’t help but smile, and it didn’t take him long to join me in the rhythm and sway naturally with me. I learned at our middle school dance that Jake had perfect rhythm. He was able to impress the rest of the crowd when he busted out moves from BTS. Everyone was impressed, including me.

Now we were on a steady roll. I accidentally stepped on his feet a few times, but it was fine seeing as I was wearing foam flip-flops and he was barefooted. After a while, the song switched and played another of my favorites that didn’t match our style of dance, but we still moved slowly to the beat. Jake tried twirling me, but since I have two left feet, I almost ended up hitting the wall each time and Jake laughed loud at my clumsiness. The moonlight from the kitchen had now switched to the window in the living room. It gleamed through and glistened on Jake like a spotlight, just like the ones on the stage did for him. In a split second, I was reminded that he wouldn’t be here forever, just like he wasn’t here for the past year. I tried to not let it settle on my face that I was scared to see him go again, so I played up on the fun we were having now. Jake looked like he was at ease; finally, since he’d been here, he looked genuinely happy and I wasn’t going to ruin that.

After another handful of songs full of laughs and giggles, we were soon sweating and taking deeper breaths than normal. Each song was different from the one before, but it didn’t stop us from sticking to our style of dance. Even with the simplicity of the moves and the slowness of the steps, I had to take a minute to relax. I hooked my arms around his neck and rested my entire body on his. I could feel Jake’s own sweat seeping through his shirt, But I didn’t mind the wetness that was now attached to my cheek. I thought he would act awkward and ask for me to pull away, but instead, he gripped tighter on my hips and started slowly moving me side to side. I let out a long overdue sigh, trying my best to match the steady breathing of Jake’s with my own. It was actually therapeutic: hearing his heartbeat in one ear and the softness of the music in the other.

I tried to continue our steady breathing together, but his had picked up a bit, almost out of nowhere. I felt the heat of his breath on the nape of my neck, and it made my entire body tingle in a way it never had before. After this sudden feeling, I realized just how close we really were. His leg hair tickled my legs, I could feel the bone of his foot connecting to mine, I could feel his thin waist against mine as well. I felt like I needed to back up, but instead, I couldn’t and continued to sway softly against him. A few seconds later, Jake’s hands rose a little higher, planting themselves on my waist and tightening their grip as if they were trying to pull me closer than we already were.

The sensation hadn’t stopped though, it clung to my body like my damp shorts did on my thighs. Sooner or later I felt pressure on the lower part of my stomach and thought for sure that Jake was messing around and wasn’t feeling what I was, which indicated that I needed to pull back before this feeling became too much.

This is so embarrassing. I thought. How could I let myself feel like this? How was this in any way okay? I finally pulled back, the sensation becoming too unbearable, and glanced up at his face. His pupils were large in a way I hadn’t seen before. His mouth was slightly open and a drop of sweat slowly traced down his forehead, onto his nose. That pressure I was feeling on my stomach had now doubled in force, and Jake's face had switched from calm and subtle, to alarmed and panicked...

————✧————

(part 2 possibly...?)

Thank you guys so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! Please, leave any constructive criticism you have on helping improve my writing!

————✧————

None of the images are mine, They all belong to their rightful owners :)

[pyroclastic727]

Is Amity autistic?

In the Owl House fandom, we hear a lot about how Luz is written to be ADHD. Now I would like to present the flipside: Amity is coded as autistic.

Here’s the breakdown.

Amity is touch-averse. “BuT aMiTy ToUcHeS LuZ aLL tHe TiMe” nice try. The key to autistic touch-aversion is only being okay with touch when she initiates it. And that totally matches up with Amity. See, Amity is really happy when she initiates touch with Luz. She’s also cool with it when Luz holds her hand after standing near her for enough time that Amity can predict an incoming touch. That’s because Amity consents to that touch and expects it.

But when other people touch her? She doesn’t take kindly to that. When Luz initially bumped into her at Covention, she snapped at her and degraded her. Even when she bumped into Luz in Enchanting Grom Fright, her initial instinct was to snap at Luz, since she didn’t expect to be touched. When Hooty touched Amity’s face without consent, she flipped out and beat him up. Not even Lilith beat Hooty up when he wrapped her up in his mucus-filled tube, but Amity gave Hooty the injuries we all wanted to see him with, because he breached her boundaries without her consent. Even as late as the last episode, Amity fell over when her face got close to Luz’s on the bleachers, because she didn’t expect it.

Amity stims. Okay, this one took me a while to catch, since most of the time, Amity is very controlled with her actions. This symptom isn’t very intense; her senses aren’t understimulated too often, and she really only does it when she’s really excited.

Mainly, when Luz offered to carry her. While she adorably scrambled for words, she also flapped her hands against her legs. At first I thought it was just a cute thing she did, but there’s more to it. She was so excited to be held by Luz that it showed up in her hands flapping...a common stim. With Amity feeling more comfortable around her new friends than the old ones, I wouldn’t be surprised to see more stimming in the future.

Amity always has The Mask as her expression. You know, the one with her eyes half-lidded, eyebrows raised, mouth slightly downturned. I also call it the Resting Blight Face, for...reasons.

At first I thought it was just a way to hide her true emotions, since her parents are assholes. But even though Luz makes her feel accepted, she keeps doing it. It’s more like...you know that feeling when you’re thinking really hard, or uncomfortable, or ashamed, or even just relaxed, and you can’t think of which expression to wear quickly enough, so you put on an unreadable one to tide people over? Apparently most people don’t do that, since allistic people tend to have expressions for those feelings, ones that arise naturally.

Another symptom of autism is having hard-to-read expressions, or being less expressive. In Amity’s case, it’s the fact that she doesn’t see a need to have an expression in calmer moments, so she just uses her usual expression.   

Amity hyperfixates. This has several facets, so I’ll break this down.

She initially hyperfixated on school. And that’s how she became top student. Amity Blight is who you would mistake for a “gifted student.” But make no mistake...she is not gifted, and gifted is a bullshit label used to overexert people and force them to keep school as their special interest for their entire lives (and I may have a bit of a vendetta against it). Anyways, we already know she’s a perfectionist. My theory is that Amity originally was hyperfocused on school--the Abominations track, to be exact--and that’s part of how she got so good. Then, her focus shifted, but the school expected her to keep being top student. Cue the perfectionism; she was no longer able to focus on school like she wanted to, but everyone expected her to, so she got insecure about it.

She hyperfixates on Azura, just like Luz did. Yeah, she keeps it secret from the world, for most of the time. But she definitely likes Azura a lot. I mean, she started to reconsider her opinion on Luz when Luz offered her an Azura book. She destroyed her jock career because she tried to use an Azura move in real-life Grudgby. Her interest in Azura is long-lived, starting about the time that her interest in school would have expired (which would explain why she stayed closeted). And we can’t ignore the fact that she sees Azura in Luz and is definitely enjoying the parallels between herself and her fictional counterpart. (Which might not be a coincidence, but that’s an entirely different theory).

She hyperfixates on Luz. Yes, part of this is a crush. But a lot of us have watched Amity’s personality go from alpha bitch to cutest little bean in the Boiling Isles, all thanks to Luz’s influence. Lumity is not a rivals-to-lovers speedrun due to bad writing, it’s due to Amity hyperfixating. She’s already extremely introspective, going so far as to keep a diary where she analyzes and makes sense of herself. It’s not a stretch to say that she identified the faults that kept her from Luz and worked hard to change those off-screen. 

Amity keeps a journal. To me, this seems like masking. You see, Amity is what people would consider to be high-functioning, since she can pass for allistic. But in order to do this, she has to put in significant effort on her part. See, when she does something that makes it so she doesn’t pass, she just sees it as a problem (since she probably doesn’t know about autism, and she passes well enough that she would totally be undiagnosed). Then she tries to fix the problem, in order to keep being perfect. 

Amity has awkward body language. Thanks to the journal and other ways of masking, you don’t see this early on. But once she feels comfortable enough around Luz to let her guard down...she completely forgets boundaries. To review: in episodes 15-17, she throws herself at Luz, holds her formal rival’s hand for 24.71 seconds, blushes every time she sees Luz, and loudly declares her thirsty thoughts about Luz in uniform before literally running away. While some of this can be seen as normal gal pal things or crush things...you’d think a repressed wlw like Amity would try very hard not to touch Luz, so as to avoid being outed. Or at least she would do less of that stuff, so as to respect Luz’s boundaries the way she wants her boundaries to be respected. But that’s not the case, since she straight-up misses a lot of social cues. And since she feels comfortable around Luz, she doesn’t feel the pressure to be so paranoid about the cues, and can be her awkward self. From her point of view, she probably sees it as being freed from her parents’ judgment.

Amity takes things literally, sometimes. Now, this doesn’t happen all the time, since she isn’t heavily affected by this autistic trait. But when Luz says “I’m picking up what you’re putting down” and Amity says “I’m not putting down anything” and looks down...she not only missed the conclusion Luz drew from her words, but also assumed a literal meaning from her words. I can’t come up with many other instances of this, mostly because this doesn’t happen often. I would assume that Amity missed these a lot early on, and learned how to mask/identify them.

Amity is easily upset when things don’t go as planned. Let’s review these. In the library, she gets really mad at Luz when they end up stitched to a book, and it takes Luz’s sweet personality to get Amity to loosen up and laugh over it. When she goes to practice magic, and Luz steals her wand and uses it to get her siblings kidnapped, Amity locks Luz in a cage and assumes that she will get badly injured if she tries to fix the problems she caused. When Luz comes to her school, she panics and focus on how that doesn’t change anything. When she burns Willow’s mind, she appears absolutely terrified of being punished, flinching and bracing for impact when Luz finds her near the memories, constantly trying to distract Luz as they work together to save Willow, and hiding behind Luz when she confronts the Inner Willow. When Luz asks her to join her in Grudgby, Amity doesn’t initially agree, instead taking much more of the episode to come to terms with her involvement in it.

Amity likes predictability. She’s not attached to routines, but she does like being able to expect things. If she makes a plan for the day, she expects that day to adhere to that plan, and she doesn’t respond well when it changes. When Luz comes to her school, she focus on how that doesn’t change anything...not how that would ruin things or complicate things. Whenever she gets involved in Luz’s shenanigans, she either gets angry, scared, or takes a while to accept it. In a broader sense, she takes a while to accept that Luz and her shenanigans are a permanent fixture in her life--sixteen episodes, to be exact.

Finally, it would make for some excellent representation. An ADHD Dominican-American bisexual protagonist is pretty groundbreaking. But an ADHD Dominican-American bisexual protagonist girl who dates an autistic wlw witch girl from another dimension is exactly the kind of intersectional representation you’d expect to see from an unrestricted Owl House crew.

...Now, this might just be me hardcore projecting. I’m a little scared to post this because I don’t know how much of this is me reading into imaginary things, or trying to convince myself that Amity is like me. Feel free to debate/disprove me or support me in the comments. 

[ameliora-j]

before i fell // dm x reader

words: 2.8k

warnings: angst, talk of a breakup, mention of loss of virginity, mention of not eating, mention of not sleeping, pansy is kinda ooc and so is draco, the slytherins are assholes

a/n: i used a lot of olivia rodrigo lyrics bc i listened to SOUR while writing lol. lmk if i should add other warnings and happy reading babies!

you would be cliche and say that you fell in love the way that you fall asleep. slowly and then all at once. but you couldn’t because you didn’t. it wasn’t a john green novel and you weren’t hazel grace lancaster. falling in love wasn’t simple, and that description of it truly… didn’t describe anything. falling in love was more complicated than that. there were more layers to it than that. falling in love was rather… quick and unexpected. unexpected like snow in the middle of march. or rain when there’s not a cloud in sight. quick like waiting months for an event and finally when the time comes, it feels like you blinked and then it was over.

falling in love with draco malfoy was all of these things and more. falling in love with draco malfoy brought upon more layers than that. falling in love with draco malfoy brought pain. not just any kind of pain, no… horrible, heart wrenching, gut twisting pain. pain that began by bubbling itself in your chest right at the center of your heart, then slowly but surely worked it’s way outwards. encapsulating your entire body and making every inch of your body ache. pain like when you get attached to a character and the author kills them off. pain like when you finish your favorite book and you realize that you’re not truly in that universe and none of that actually happened. pain like when you’re two hours, fifteen minutes, and twelve seconds into avengers: infinity war and peter parker says “mr. stark, i don’t feel so good.” pain that you’ve never felt. pain that can’t be described. pain that you felt for days. pain.

you thought it was strange when the platinum blonde slytherin sought you out. he came to you one day while you sat silently at the black lake. you were alone, but only because you liked to be. you had friends of course, many actually, but you chose to be alone. the black lake was your place of solace. then along came draco. he sat beside you, a good distance away, but his presence was known. you looked to him for an explanation but he offered none. just smiled at you and turned to his notes, so you did the same. the second time he came, he sat closer, but still in silence. the third time is when he struck up conversation.

“yln, yeah?” he questioned.

“yn, actually. but yes, yn yln. and you’re draco malfoy?” you asked.

“i am,” he smirked at your knowledge of his name and then you returned to your studying. after that, the two of you talked every time he came and sat with you. short discussions about the weather or the potions assignment. you don’t know when, but soon they became longer. discussions of your day and your family. your interests and how you got your name. how you loved the rain and the stars and how you loved hogwarts, but you often missed home. draco knew you inside and out and you knew him—and before long, you called the tall, skinny blonde your boyfriend.

you walked the halls of hogwarts together, hand in hand. draco walked haughtily with a hard scowl and you with a bright smile. while you walked cheerfully and waved to your friends and to first years while draco glared at anyone who dared look at the two of you. he took you to parties in the slytherin common room and you wore his jersey proudly at quidditch games, even when he played against your house. he bought you lavish gifts at all of your trips to hogsmeade and he showered you in kisses, praise, and affection. you were whole heartedly smitten with the sole heir to the malfoy fortune.

it was one fateful day in the common room when your heart absolutely exploded. that was the day you knew that you fell in love with draco malfoy. you had been a thing for about two, going on three, months. you were sitting in the slytherin common room, reading in silence when he asked. you were pressed against his chest and he pressed a soft kiss to your head. “‘ve been meaning to ask you something,” he murmured gently. this caused you to close the book and turn your full attention to him. “want you to wear this,” he said, holding out a ring. “it’s the malfoy family crest.”

your stomach and your heart exploded into billions of butterflies and you launched yourself forward, straight into his chest. millions of emotions overcame you as you squeezed his neck as tight as possible. you nodded into his neck as a few stray tears fell. he kissed your head repeatedly as he slid the ring onto your finger before pressing his lips to your’s gently. you giggled excitedly as you stared down at the ring on your finger. “do you like it?” he asked you.

“i love it, dray. i love you. thank you s’much,” you confessed for the first time as you cuddled back into his chest. you don’t know what it was that made the blonde boy seek you out, but you’re glad he did. if only you knew the true nature of his intentions. but alas, you were oblivious.

it was the beginning of the school year, on the train to hogwarts. in the compartment of what was labeled as “the slytherin squad.” there sat theo nott, pansy parkinson, blaise zabini, and—your now boyfriend—draco malfoy.

they were all sitting around, taking the piss out of draco for all of his past failed relationships when it was brought up. “i’ll bet malfoy couldn’t get a girl to fall in love with him if he paid her,” theo spoke.

“i’ll take that bet,” draco countered.

“alright. but we get to pick the girl,” blaise decided.

“what?” pansy asked as theo began to look around the compartment. it was a few minutes before he found the victim. it was then that your fate was sealed. there, sitting in the back corner, head tucked deep into a copy of the fault in our stars, was you. you. awkward and quiet. you with seemingly no friends. poor little unsuspecting you.

“that one,” nott smirked evilly.

“what the weirdo?!” draco exclaimed incredulously. “no way!”

“so then you forfeit?” blaise asked, causing draco to release a frustrated exhale.

“alright i’ll do it,” he rolled his eyes.

“then we give you five months. make yn yln fall in love with you in five months and we’ll do your homework for the rest of the year,” theo posed.

“and if i don’t?” draco asked.

“and when you don’t… thennn,” blaise taunted as he searched for a deal that was fair.

“then we get two hundred galleons each and you have to apologize to potter for making his life hell,” theo smirked. draco scoffed at this and rolled his eyes, but nodded nonetheless.

“and what are my conditions?” he raised an eyebrow.

“she has to say it first. you can do anything you want or need to get her to say it, but you cannot say ‘i love you’ first,” blaise spoke.

“this doesn’t seem fair to yn,” pansy piped in.

“shut your mouth parkinson. no one asked your opinion,” theo growled with a roll of his eyes. but it was too late. there was absolutely nothing the girl could do to get the three to change their minds. she just had to sit idly by and watch draco malfoy break your heart as she said nothing. she wished that she could stop it, but their minds were made up. and the three of them were very stubborn.

it was a few days after draco gave you his ring when your bubble came crashing down. you were walking to meet draco at your spot at the black lake when blaise and theo intercepted you. you knew who they were, of course you did. they were your boyfriend’s best friends, however why they were currently speaking to you, you had no idea.

they told you it would be quick. that they just wanted to show you something in the slytherin common room and left little room for argument, so you had no choice but to follow them there. they sat you on the couch and began to discuss your relationship with draco. you were very confused and had no idea why you were here. “so… draco hasn’t told you?” blaise mocked a gasp of shock.

“no?” you raised a soft eyebrow as you stared on. this made theo smirk evilly as he pulled up a projector and pointed his wand at it. a picture appeared, it looked like a memory. “what’s this?” you asked before the boys urged you to ‘shh.’ you sunk further into the couch as you idly watched on.

you truly weren’t paying attention untill you heard the voice of your boyfriend. the words he spoke stung. you were soft. emotional. the way he spoke about you absolutely crushed you. it would crush anyone, but it shattered you especially. “she’s so fucking weird!” “i’ll take that bet.”

‘s all you were. all you ever were. just a stupid belt. another notch in his belt. it was that moment that draco had barged into the common room. but by then, it was already too late. the tears had already sprung to your eyes and you were preparing for a torrential downpour as you heard his voice. “i’m out!” he announced breathlessly. he froze in his run as his eyes fell on you and what was playing on the projector currently. “bunny…” he whispered softly as his hand touched your shoulder, but you quickly jerked away as if his hand had burned you on contact.

“don’t call me that. don’t touch me,” you demanded as the tears began to fall. “that’s all i was? a bet?” an involuntary whimper sounded from the depths of your throat. “i feel so stupid.” you shook your head.

“no, bunny please listen to me,” you didn’t allow the boy to finish as you wrapped your arms tightly around yourself.

“don’t call me that!” you demanded. “in fact don’t call me at all. don’t… don’t talk to me draco. ever again. i can’t believe i fell for your stupid joke. i feel so… i feel like an idiot,” you spoke. you shook your head, hastily wiping at your eyes untill you saw stars. it was then that you decided to walk away.

“YN STOP!” draco yelled. “LISTEN to me,” he demanded.

“NO!” you shouted as you turned to face him finally. “godric draco, i wish you would’ve thought this through before i went and fell in love with you,” you sniffled as you wiped your snot on your sweater sleeve.

“yn please just let me explain. please listen to me, please,” he begged.

“i feel like you betrayed me,” you shook your head. “i told you everything. you were my everything. draco i loved you. i actually loved you. i thought you loved me too but i guess you’re just a really good actor,” you sniffled once more. “i hate you draco. i really fucking hate you. i don’t want to hear your bullshit explanation because i know that you’ll never feel sorry for the way i’m hurting right now.”

“it was a bet!” draco shouted as you walked away, hand on the door knob. you scoffed as you muttered a sarcastic, ‘no shit.’ “that’s how it started yes, but then i got to know you. i figured out who you were. i learned that your favorite color is yfc and that you prefer night over day because you love the stars and that your favorite star is scorpius and you would name your son after that star one day. i learned that you love to read and you love when it storms but you're afraid of the thunder. you only dance when you’re drunk and you giggle when you’re nervous and i love that giggle. with everything in me i do. your favorite book is yfb and you choose to be alone but you let everyone be your friend. you’re gorgeous. inside and out and while it may have started as a bet, somewhere along the lines i fell in love with you so yn please. please don’t leave,” he whispered the last part as his voice came out broken.

you took a deep breath in before you began to speak. “you couldn’t have cared less about someone who loved you more. i’d say you broke my heart but you broke much more than that,” you shook your head as you furiously wiped at your eyes again. “i gave you my all draco. you were my first everything. i gave you my virginity for merlin’s sake. all to find out that i was just some stupid bet,” you scoffed.

“yn please believe me when i say that you’re so much more than that,” he begged again. “i came to tell them that they won. that i wanted out because i fell in love with you too!”

“it doesn’t matter if you don’t see me as a bet any longer. the fact is that you did. i’m worth so so much more than that.” your breaths were ragged as you spoke. “i really wish that you had thought this through before i went and fell in love with you.” you repeated with a small sniffle. “don’t you think i loved you too much to be used and discarded? don’t you think i loved you too much to think i deserve nothing?” you were openly sobbing at this point.

“yn please believe me when i tell you how sorry i am…” he spoke softly.

“don’t tell me you’re sorry. feel sorry for yourself. because someday i’ll be everything to somebody else,” with this you turned away from him. you hastily opened the door and practically ran out of the common room and away from him.

at that moment you decided to forget about it. draco, and the bet, and love, and everything. like in the vampire diaries, you decided to turn your emotions off. you laid in your dorm crying for hours before you made that decision, however. your dorm mates checked on you often, but you never offered more than merely a half hearted shrug, letting them know that you were still alive, but barely breathing. you skipped classes and meals. you were a mere shell of yourself. it was about two weeks before you could face draco again. and even then you couldn’t truly. you went into the great hall and found “the slytherin squad” sans draco.

pansy looked at you sympathetically while theo and blaise basked in the glow of their new victory. you pulled the ring off carelessly as you stopped in front of them, hair disheveled and uniform askew. you had dark bags under your eyes from the lack of sleep you’d gotten in the past fourteen days and your eyes were rimmed red with the weight of your emotions. “c’you just give this back to malfoy,” you murmured half-heartedly as you dropped the ring on the table in front of the three. just speaking his name brought you pain.

your shoulders were sunken in defeat and you were but a shell of your usual cheerful self. you don’t even know when the last time you saw daylight or had fresh air was. “wait yln,” pansy called hesitantly. you turned to face her, still staring down at your mary janes as you pulled and twisted your fingers untill you heard your knuckles pop. “you… you really love him, don’t you?”

you just shrugged your right shoulder as you used the heel of your palm to wipe the snot from your rapidly reddening nose. “i was just some stupid bet,” you replied as tears begin to spill rapidly over your waterline.

“if it’s any consolation… it was those two bozos’ idea,” pansy told you as she pointed to blaise and theo.

“doesn’t matter,” you murmured. “he’s still a traitor,” you answered as you walked away, forgetting all about the slytherin prince and his stupid friends. forgetting all about how he hit you with a train of his “love.” forgetting all about how for three months he was your everything. forgetting all about how he wrote to his mum about you and you wrote to your parents about him. forgetting all about draco malfoy. the platinum blonde boy with stormy grey eyes who had a long story buried beneath his haughty exterior. the boy who you called your first. your first kiss. your first time. your first love. forgetting all about the boy that made you fall in love just to tell you it was all a bet.

attempting to revert back to how you were before you fell.

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nani’s 100 followers celebration

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[chainofclovers]

Ted Lasso 2x10 thoughts

GOOD GOD.

“No Weddings and a Funeral” is like being hungover but also coming out of a hangover. Having a terrible cold but also feeling better and appreciating every breath that comes through your nose. Embarking on an organizational project and accidentally falling into a photo album and crying about the pictures and organizing almost nothing tangible but making a few things more clear in your brain.

So much of this episode is about the AWFUL POINTLESSNESS OF DECORUM. How loud is too loud when you’re drinking stolen wine and shrieking about sex in a church right before your father’s funeral? How should you feel--thirty years later, as an accommodating, anger-averse person--about having been too angry to attend the funeral for your father who killed himself? What expression should you make when you show up really late to a different funeral? Why must you wear uncomfortable shoes just because someone died? What happens in your mind between standing up to give a eulogy for a man you’re still angry with and choosing to Rick Roll your mom and everyone else as an act of complicated love, humiliatingly incomplete until someone else starts to sing? Should you worry about your therapist seeing your normally tidy flat in a full-on state of depression mess? Is it okay to be offended that your boyfriend is so uncomfortable about death that he can’t stop making morbid jokes? Should you care about other people caring that you’re crunching an apple in church or squealing with joy to be reunited with a friend you’ve not seen in awhile? Are you obligated to explain your behavior if your kid doesn’t understand how you could stay with someone unfaithful? How far behind the counter should you sink when your [undefined relationship person]’s mother has just let you know she can see your dick through your underwear? Is a funeral reception an okay place to find a hookup? Is a funeral reception a decent spot for a break-up? Is a funeral reception a good time for a love confession when you know the person you’re confessing to is happy with someone else? And who do you make eye contact with when you can’t look directly at the person asking you if you’re okay when there’s so, so much about you she doesn’t know yet? Even if--for this tiny little moment within a vast swath of many okay and not-okay moments--you’re honest when you tell her that you are?

I fucking adored this episode because it answers all these questions very simply: Show up. Show up for yourself. Show up for your friends. Try not to harm yourself. Try not to harm your friends.

I love that this episode is about the messiness of adulthood and the things we bring with us from childhood and that it takes place partially in Rebecca’s childhood bedroom, and in Ted’s childhood memories. Dwelling in those places (whether physically or mentally) isn’t an automatic recipe for regression, but it does get everyone closer to the things that made them who they are, to the unresolved and half-buried parts of them that still make them tick today.

Forever obsessed with every single detail about Rebecca’s childhood bedroom.

Forever obsessed with Deborah’s decision to Rick Roll herself every single morning of her life.

Forever obsessed with Rebecca’s decision to Rick Roll her father’s funeral as a way to not have to make up a single word about her father and to do something very vulnerable and kind for herself and her mother and everyone.

Forever obsessed with Ted’s decision to Rick Roll Rebecca Rick Rolling her father’s funeral.

Forever obsessed with an entire found family backing it up.

I love that it is Isaac’s leadership that ensures every single member of the team attends the service for Paul.

I am very, very interested in Jamie’s love confession to Keeley because I do think it will spark some reflection in Keeley but I do not think it’ll go the cliched love triangle route.

Each scene with Rebecca and Sam struck (for me, a human being sharing a subjective perspective on the internet) the tender-awkward-beautiful-stressful chord I was hoping it would. I think it’s wonderful that Sam is honest with Rebecca about how difficult it is to keep their relationship a secret, and I love that Rebecca has a million mostly-unarticulated reasons for why she’d much prefer the secret to continue. I like that Sassy, Keeley, and Nora respond to the revelation as friends; they might be tempering their judgments in part because they’ve all gathered to bury Rebecca’s dad, but I don’t think their reactions would’ve been that different even on a happier occasion.

While there are a million and one different reasons why a continued relationship between Rebecca and Sam could cause serious ethical problems, I really love that when people share big news on this show, the people who care about them generally react by trying to see why the person is doing what they’re doing. Doesn’t mean they shouldn’t also hold each other accountable, but in my book it’s OK that Keeley’s first reaction was to feel happy that her friend is having some fun.

Also everyone has been making weird judgment calls this season, and this episode felt like a moment of real breakthroughs in terms of people telling the truth about things that happened to them and leaving themselves open to honest responses from others.

September 13, 1991. It’s so tenderly, beautifully, overwhelmingly meaningful that there’s still so much Ted and Rebecca don’t know about the things they have in common in these parallel lives they’re leading. The scene between Sarah Niles and Jason Sudeikis is so beautifully acted, and so is the scene between Hannah Waddingham and Harriet Walter. The way they intertwine to communicate that Ted and Rebecca basically lost the ability to trust their fathers simultaneously, from an ocean away? In the hands of lesser storytellers, it would feel too perfect a mirroring, but here it feels heartbreakingly imperfect. All the things they still don’t know. All the questions they try to ask each other. All the things they don’t dare ask yet. And then the storytellers are holding a candle up to all of it and letting the audience bask in the glow of this connection even if Ted and Rebecca can’t fully understand it yet.

I am so proud that Rebecca and Deborah were able to embark on the beginnings of a conversation about the ways Deborah and Paul’s relationship might have resembled or not resembled Rebecca and Rupert’s. It feels possible that they could get to a point where Rebecca truly internalizes her mother’s pride that she broke a cycle by leaving Rupert, and could maybe even understand why her mother made the choices she made. I love that in the final scene, they’re still relying on their old mother-daughter conversational patterns—the frustrations, the snippy shorthand, the passive-aggression. Mothers and daughters!

I am also proud that Ted—albeit via a joke about Sharon charging him for the house call—indicates that he understands the value of Sharon’s work. He’s changed a lot, all in realistic ways for someone who loves learning and really does want to meet people where they are and appreciate them. I’m very moved that instead of putting himself in a real harmful situation by showing up to the funeral on time at any cost, he did what he needed to do to take care of himself and accept care from someone else. And then Sharon’s suggestion that he think about things he loved about his father? And the way he’s able to share a positive memory of Rebecca’s own father at a time when she really needed it? Gosh.

Awkward, undecorous transition from 1991 to present-day incoming...but SASSY! She’s just, like, a whirling dervish of loyal friendship and not giving a fuck and penis size discussions and being casually, delightfully cruel to Rupert, who so deserves it. Rebecca was going on a real face journey when Sassy goes off with Ted at the end, and I’m sort of *eyes emoji* about all of that, but I continue to feel like Sassy is the most imperfectly wonderful friend-from-the-past kind of person and I love everything she and Nora get to do in this episode.

Keeley saying “That baby is whack” might be my favorite line in the episode? Maybe the whole show? Not really but really.

FUCK YOU, RUPERT. Bex and Diane, y’all are fine. And I truly feel for Nate...whatever scheme he’s getting suckered into. Whatever insecurity Rupert is preying on. I want Nate to go to therapy, too.

I feel like it was an unpopular opinion at the time, but I loved Rebecca’s 2x1 revelation about vulnerability and fear of getting hurt and needing to let someone love her. Sassy doesn’t always word things in the most nuanced way, but I think there’s a real possibility that she did ask Rebecca to really consider what it means to feel either safe or unsafe with a person but to know that in either circumstance, that person could end up causing her pain. Standing in that closet with Sam, managing to make it clear that she’s not asking for a break because she knows he will hurt her but because she has to figure out how to be with a wonderful person who could cause her pain...the growth, man. Makes me emotional.

I emerged from this episode feeling, of course, stunned by all the amazing parallels and revelations and beautiful acting and Rick Rolls and just, everything. I also emerged feeling sad/raw/tender because messiness and decorum and growth and coping mechanisms and death and dramatic irony and not knowing things about people and not knowing what you don’t know...it’s a sad, raw, tender place to be.

To quote a guy who got a whole sitcom (lol) named after him, life is real hard.

[just-another-blog-of-fluff]

An Unfortunate Predicament

Warnings: tickling, fluff, maybe a little bit of reader crushing on a certain Asgardian

Word count: 2600

Honestly not sure where this came from, but I've dumped this silly idea out of my head and into this fic. Hopefully you find it amusing.

* * *

For the life of you, you don’t know how you ended up in this position.

Well, you do know how you got up here, at least. Tony had announced that he had a ropes course installed in the tower (for ‘additional training opportunities’ he insisted, although you all knew he just wanted an excuse to watch you all fall flat on your faces when you missed a step). Many of the Avengers were eager to try it out, especially Thor and Peter, who had giddily shoved their way to the front of the line to be the first to attempt the course.

You, on the other hand, had hung back from the group. You were afraid of heights, and while this ropes course wasn’t more than 6 or 7 feet off the ground, and there were soft rubbery mats underneath to break your fall should you slip, you couldn’t bring yourself to try it. Especially not in front of your teammates. No one knew about this little fear of yours, and you preferred to keep it that way to avoid being teased for being the only Avenger afraid of heights.

After a week or so, once the novelty had worn off for the rest of the team, you started to consider if maybe practicing on the course might help you to learn to get past this silly phobia. On a few occasions, you had casually made your way down to the gym where the ropes course was housed under the pretense of looking for someone, when really you were scoping it out to see if the room was unoccupied. Every time you tried, though, there was inevitably someone either practicing on the course or otherwise using some of the other gym equipment in the room. You much preferred that no one was there to witness you attempt it for the first time just in case you started to panic when you started to climb up that first rope ladder.

This morning, the other Avengers had disembarked on a mission before you had woken up for the day. This particular mission had no requirement for your talents, so you were able to stay behind and take a much-needed day to yourself. After lounging in bed for much of the morning, the notion crossed your mind that the gym would be completely and definitively empty for the afternoon.

And so, you made your way down to the gym and started slowly climbing up the ladder to the first platform. Once you reached the top and stood up, you looked down at the floor and felt your stomach drop just a bit. However, you steeled yourself and continued on across the swinging rope bridge in front of you. After a few obstacles, you had finally started to feel your fear start to ebb away as you became accustomed to the view. You started moving more quickly across the obstacles, now trying to see how fast you could get through the entire course.

Unfortunately, your rushing ended up being your downfall. You were crawling across a rope net to get to the next platform when suddenly you felt the net start to tip to the side. Normally, the purpose of the obstacle would have been to continue climbing upside down until you reached the other side. However, you had panicked at the sudden motion, stiffening as the net rolled over. Your leg slipped through one of the holes of the net, and somehow it twisted around your ankle enough to hold it in place while the rest of your body continued to flip over.

And now, here you were, hanging upside-down from this ropes course with your leg tangled in the net, blood rushing to your head as you tried to process what just happened. Your head was much closer to the ground now, at least, but it wasn’t quite close enough for you to reach the floor with your hands to try to gain leverage to untangle yourself. You tried to lift your upper body up in a sort of 180-degree sit-up to attempt to untangle your ankle from the net, but the rope was too taut for you to loosen it enough to pull your leg out. Frustrated, you relaxed your aching abdominal muscles and let yourself hang there, realizing with dread in the pit of your stomach that there was no one else in the compound to come help you escape.

Figuring you would have better luck getting yourself unhooked if you allowed yourself some time to rest, you let yourself just hang there and took a few deep breaths. Just as you were mustering up the strength to try again, a voice from the doorway caused you to jump in surprise.

“Well now. What an unfortunate predicament you’ve gotten yourself into.”

No. Oh no. Literally anyone else could have walked in and you’d have felt some relief, that someone was going to help you get down from this trap. Why did it have to be Loki?

“Shut up,” you muttered, folding your arms across your chest in an attempt to look annoyed despite your inverted position. “You could just help me down from here, you know.”

“I certainly could. But where would be the fun in that?” Loki strolled into the room, coming to a stop just a foot away from you. From this angle, you had to look down (or, rather, up) slightly to see his face, as your head hung at just about his shoulder level.

“What’s so fun about standing here and watching me hang upside-down?” you retorted. “Suppose I enjoy this?”

“If you did, you wouldn’t have just asked me to help you down, now would you?” Loki started to pace in a slow circle around you, forcing you to twist your neck and torso to be able to keep an eye on him. You knew better than to turn your back on the trickster by now. “Besides – if I recall, it was you who stole all of my books last week and hid them throughout the tower, hmm?”

You snickered at that. It was totally worth it to watch Loki storming around the tower, grumbling as he emptied drawers and crawled on the floor to look under furniture in hopes he would find his books. Honestly, you were surprised he hadn’t tried to prank you in return yet, but you had a feeling it was coming. Although, it seemed you had put yourself in just the position for him to exact his revenge without having to think of a prank.

“Oh yes, I’m sure you thought it was amusing then,” he growled, pacing back around in front of you and leaning down so his face was inches from yours as he glared at you. “You realize, I hope, that the others will not be back for at least another four hours?”

“What? I thought they were supposed to be home in an hour!” you exclaimed. Loki smirked.

“They are running a bit late. Ran into some minor complications during the mission. They should be leaving to head home in about an hour.”

You groaned at this revelation. You knew they were a three-hour plane ride away, and so if Loki was telling the truth, you would be dangling upside down for quite some time unless you convinced him to help you. Taking a deep breath, you swallowed your pride and started to plead.

“Loki… I’m sorry about your books, really. Please, could you help me get down?” you begged. His smirk only grew wider at this.

“You must be truly desperate, darling, to already be begging for me to help you,” he chuckled. You felt heat prickle in your cheeks, partially from embarrassment at having gotten yourself into this situation and partially from the unexpected thrill that rushed through your chest at the slow, smooth tone of his voice as he taunted you.

“If I admit it, will you finally help me get down?” you bartered, ready for this interaction to end so you could go hide in your room for the rest of the night in complete humiliation.

“Hmm. That certainly would help your case, but I’ll need a bit more than that,” he countered.

“Ugh, like what?” Loki thought for a moment, touching a finger to his chin.

“Admit that I am the superior prankster in the tower,” he demanded, “and that you never stood a chance against the all-mighty god of mischief. AND-“ he added, cutting you off as you opened your mouth to protest, “you have to say this to all of the Avengers when they return.”

“Ok, first of all, you know they’ll know you’re making me say it, so where’s the fun in it for you?” you quipped.

“I know. I also know how much embarrassment it will still cause you to have to say it out loud.” His smirk was practically wicked by this point.

“Alright, but suppose it does embarrass me that much - even if I agree to it, how do you know I won’t just go back on my word once you get me down?” you retorted.

“If you do, I will put you right back where I found you, and someone else will have to get you down,” he opposed. Your eyes widened, then narrowed indignantly.

“You wouldn’t.”

“We both know you know I would.”

“You are insufferable, you know that?” you muttered, pinching the bridge of your nose in frustration. “Fine. I’ll do it. Just get me down.”

“A wise decision,” he declared. Loki stepped underneath the net and inspected the rope wrapped around your ankle. He reached up and tugged on it a bit to test how much give it would provide. “The rope is wound too tightly for me to unwind it,” he observed.

“Well, can’t you get me down some other way then?”

“I think if I lift you up enough that your weight isn’t holding the rope taut, you should be able to slip out of it,” he suggested. You nodded, willing to try anything at this point. He reached up and grabbed hold of your waist just above your hips, causing you to jerk involuntarily and let out a high-pitched squeak. You felt your stomach drop again, the same way it had when you’d first climbed up onto the ropes course, when you saw Loki’s expression morph from confusion to pure mischief.

“Wh-what are you giving me that look for?” you asked hesitantly, reaching up absentmindedly to pull your shirt down where a sliver of skin had been showing.

“Because I just learned something new about you, and I don’t think I’m quite ready to help you down just yet,” he explained, his tone ominous.

“Don’t… you… dare,” you growled.

“Darling, I don’t believe you’re in a position to be making threats,” he retorted, starting to pace around you again.

“Loki! Get back here where I can see yOU!” Your voice pitched up an octave as you felt him tweak your side. “I swear to god, Loki, I will hold you down and beat you senselehehehess!” You lost your composure as you felt ten slender fingers gently scratching at your sides just below your ribcage.

“You don’t sound very threatening, love,” Loki teased, working his torturous fingers up between your lower ribs. You couldn’t respond coherently anymore, batting at his hands and twisting around violently trying to escape his touch. “Maybe you should try again, but this time with a bit more malice in your tone.”

“I will kihihihill you!” you shrieked, uncontrollable giggles spilling from your mouth as his fingers traveled to your belly, his thumbs digging into your sides. Being upside-down, in addition to not being able to see his face with him standing behind you, made you feel incredibly exposed. You reached down and grasped both of his wrists, tugging as hard as you could to pull his hands away from your ticklish torso to no avail.

Loki thankfully paced back around in front of you, continuing to tickle you with one hand as he walked. You realized this was actually probably worse than when he was behind you because now you could see his amused expression, and you knew he could see the flustered flushing of your face. You tried your hardest to shoot him a menacing glare, which only succeeded in drawing a laugh from him as he latched both hands onto your upper ribs and continued to tickle you with renewed vigor.

“OK! OK! WAIHIHIT LOKI! I CAHAHAN’T!” you pleaded as he slipped his thumbs under your arms, his fingers wrapped around the back of your uppermost ribs and digging into your skin in the most agonizing way. You were thrashing violently now trying to evade his fingers, not noticing the rope looped around your ankle slipping.

The next thing you knew, your ankle slid out of the rope net above you, and you came crashing to the floor. Or, rather, you came crashing down onto Loki, who then crashed to the floor under the impact.

Relieved that at least he was no longer tickling you, you gasped for breath and pushed yourself up onto your hands. You heart skipped when you realized that your nose was practically touching his, but the shock caused your muscles to freeze. For a moment, Loki didn’t move either, looking straight into your eyes.

You finally regained your composure, deciding to play it off as if you’d found a way to beat him at his own game to hide the fact that your heart was pounding in your throat at the close contact. You grinned wickedly down at him.

“Looks like I got myself down, didn’t I?” you quipped. “Guess I don’t have to lie and say you’re the best prankster after all.”

Loki narrowed his eyes at you for a moment, which should have been your cue to get up, but before you realized it he had grabbed your arms and flipped you so he was now hovering over you. You looked up at him, bewildered, as he smirked evilly back at you.

“Oh darling, that was a mistake.” You jolted as his fingers once again made contact with your ribcage, unable to control the hysterical laughter bubbling from your chest as he dug his fingertips into every ticklish spot he could find. You kicked and scrambled to try to scoot away from him without success, his hands darting rapidly between your sides, belly, underarms, ribs, back to your belly…

“ALRIGHT! W-WAIT! S-STOP! I’LL SAY IT!” you begged, your muscles so weak from laughter now you could no longer fight back, lying there on the floor as he drove you into madness. At long last, he finally released you, moving away to kneel on the floor beside you. “Jeez, Loki… that was… that was evil,” you huffed, still breathless from his malicious attack.

“Maybe next time you’ll know not to mess with the god of mischief,” he warned, offering you a hand to help you sit up. “After all – now I know your weakness.” You blushed furiously, wrapping your arms subconsciously around your ribs as he deviously wiggled his fingers at you. Ready to finally go hide in your room, you picked yourself off the ground and started walking toward the door. “Don’t forget! I expect to see you in the common room when the others arrive home this evening!” he called after you. You turned and shot him one last glare before leaving the room.

You couldn’t make any promises that you’d actually show up. And if that meant he would come find you and torment you some more… well, you supposed you maybe wouldn’t mind.

Read part 2