#cause like I’ve kinda been getting it short for the last couple of years partially out of spite

[deityofhearts]

I gotta figure out what to do with my hair

[christaspirit]

Okay guys, but here’s a Spy x Family AU idea I had.

So it starts out okay, Franky is watching Anya while Loid and Yor are on a date. Loid is thinking of telling Yor his real career (so is Yor). Operation Strix was successful and what not. Loid was also wondering if her could get permission to make his family real as he deeply cared for them. But he doesn’t get the chance, as he and Yor get into a car crash (not their fault).

Anya and Franky are playing when the phone rings. Anya answers, but after only being on the phone for a minute, she drops it, with tears running down her face. Franky takes the phone, and hears the horrifying news that Anya has. Mr. and Mrs. Forger had gotten into a terrible car crash, and they hadn’t made it.

Now don’t worry, they didn’t die. The spy organization took this as an opportunity to pull Twilight out without causing any suspicions, but they think that Yor is dead because the Garden took Yor away and faked her death.

Twilight was fine for the most part, though upset he has to leave his family, but is relieved to learn Anya can continue to attend school with her friends because Becky found out about the crash quickly and her family kinda adopted Anya. Twilight agreed to them faking his death.

Yor got the short end of the stick, winding up with partial amnesia and forgetting both her (fake) family and her brother.

Timeskip 10 years. Twilight has another mission, and needs an imperial scholar. The spy agency is aware there is a slim chance they can use him as he would likely be recognized. But he takes the chance to find out what happened to Anya, as he’s been too busy to talk to Franky (who was quickly informed Twilight was alive).

Franky had been checking in on Anya every couple of weeks for the last 10 years, and is delighted to tell Twilight what Anya has been up to. What Twilight finds out shocks him.

Anya is a sports champion (mostly in tennis. She scares her competitors when she breaks the tennis balls by accident by swinging to hard), she’s top student, getting 100% on every test. She also has a boyfriend (you probably know who, but Franky doesn’t tell Twilight who). The most shocking thing Twilight hears though is that Anya was the first in her grade to become an imperial scholar, becoming one in her third year.

And yeah, that’s what I’ve got figured out.

What do you think? I’m trying to figure out a few details, but yeah

[wwweasleystan]

The Scary Big Sister

Summary: Harry has managed to keep Draco’s taunts and nasty words away from the ears of his big sister. But what happens when she finds out what Malfoy has been saying about her little brother. 

Pairings: Harry x sister!reader Fred Weasley x potter!reader 

Warnings: If you're a Malfoy Stan then...sorry chief. one punch to the nose, a couple threats, but relatively fine 

This is relatively short, but this idea has been playing in my mind all day, thought I’d share :) Please leave a comment!

                                                       ~~~

Fred, George, and I were on our way to Potions when I heard it. Malfoy spitting insults at someone, a group of Slytherins gathered around. Rolling my eyes, I was about to walk over and teach the blonde brat a lesson, but before I could Freddie grabbed my elbow. 

“Cmon love, we’re late and if we walk in after the bell again McGonagall will have a fit, right George?” he commented, tugging me away before I could get to close sharing a glance with George, who nodded quickly. 

“What are you on about? Since when have you two ever walked away from a chance to shut up Malfoy and cared about getting to class on time. Who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?” I joked, even though I was slightly confused. A Gryffindor is always ready to jump head first into a fight for others, regardless of the cause. Plus, Fred and George hate Malfoy. 

“Nothing’s wrong with me, love. I just think that whoever it is squaring off with Malfoy probably wants to deal with it himself” he says, slightly nervous while continuing to tug me down the hall. 

Coming to a complete halt, I narrowed my eyes and crossed my arms at my boyfriend and his twin. “Now hold on a minute, how do you even know it’s a ‘he’ that he’s tearing into. What’s going on Fred?” Even though I was staring right at him, he refused to look me into the eyes, and rubbed the back of his neck. 

“Okay okay, but you have to promise not to get mad or do anything. Harry made us promise not to say anything to you. I told him that was just plain stupid but he was so adamant about it- y/n? Where are you going?” In the midst of his rambling Fred and George had failed to notice you turn around and begin briskly walking away once you heard Harry’s name. Who the fuck did that rat think he was, going after your brother? How long had this even been going on? You were quickly storming towards the jeering crowd, some parting upon seeing your icy glare, others you pushed right past. 

Once you got to the front, you could see Draco standing toe to toe with Harry, who was flanked by Hermione and Ron. Malfoy, for his part, had Crabbe and Goyle off to the side for back-up, as if those two pinballs could do anything besides stand there and look dumb. Harry looked calm for the most part, but you could see that Malfoy’s words were beginning to get to him, especially when he started talking about Hermione and Ron. 

“What’s the matter, Potter? Scared to fight back? Never took you as a coward, though I guess daddy was never around to show you what courage looked like. I don’t even know how you got into this school, you’re a sorry excuse for a wizard. Associating yourself with mudbloods and blood traitors, it’s pathetic.” Malfoy sneered. You made a move to step in but both Fred and George had stepped behind you, grabbing onto your shoulders. Fred leaned down to whisper into your ear,

“I know it’s bad love, and trust me there’s nothing I’d like more than to go over and punch his face in, but both Harry and Ron made us promise not to do anything and that they could handle it” he whispered. 

“Sweetheart, you know I love you more than anything, but if you and Georgie don’t let go of me right now, I will not hesitate to hex you as well. You two may have promised, but I did no such thing.” You responded, shaking off their hands and strolling up behind your brother’s bully, who was still spouting off to Harry. 

“Where’s that sister of yours, Potter. Ya know if she wasn’t related to you and dating that weasel I may have tried to get in on that. It’s a shame she’s related to you, she’s kinda hot” Draco snickered, causing Harry to clench his jaw. 

“You’ll leave her out of this Malfoy, she’s got nothing to do with this, it’s between me and you. Talk about me all you want, but leave my sister alone. I’ve done a good job of keeping the shit you say away from her, but if it gets back to her, I’m not going to hold y/n back when she gets a hold of you. Let alone what Fred would do to you.” Your brother responded, clenching onto his wand tighter. 

“Ohh I’m so scared. You’re sister isn’t here Potter, I’m allowed to say whatever I want about her, and you won’t do anything. If you do, I’ll report you to Umbridge, and I don’t think your hand’s healed from the last time, has it?” Malfoy fired back, mocking your brother by grabbing at his own hand and pretending to faint. You had heard enough. Finding out that Draco was partially responsible for getting Harry in trouble with Umbridge was the final straw. 

You silently crept up behind Draco, your brother’s eyes widening as he spotted you. You quickly raised your eyebrows and winked at Harry, then tapped Malfoy on the shoulder. As soon as he turned, you gave him a swift left hook straight to his nose, knocking him straight on his ass. Smiling at the satisfying crack that echoed through the corridor, you watched as Hermione and Ron quickly pulled Harry away and over to Fred and George. Gasps were heard, but you blocked them out as you stood over Malfoy. 

“Get up you prat.” you growled, grabbing him by the collar on his robes. You shoved him back, cornering him against the wall and keeping him there by pointing your wand at him. Malfoy, still dazed from the punch was too surprised  to say anything. 

“Gone all quiet now have you, Malfoy? Imagine my surprise as I’m walking to my class, having a lovely day, only to hear the biggest joke of fifth year coming after my brother. Cornering him with his band of cronies like some macho man. Calling him pathetic, as if you don’t have to look at yourself in the mirror everyday” you remarked, keeping your focus solely on the boy in front of you. 

Appearing to have momentarily regained his confidence, Draco opened his mouth to respond, but you quickly cut him off with a “Silencio!” rendering the boy unable to speak, mouth opening and closing like a fish. 

“Uh-uh. I've heard enough of your chatter to last me a lifetime, and the next. You’re lucky all you've received is a broken nose. I should dangle you over the lake for the Giant Squid, you absolute douchebag. Newsflash, the world doesn’t revolve around you, Malfoy. Thought Mum and Dad would have taught you that already.” you spat, walking towards the clearly frightened boy, who’s eyes had gone wide in shock. Stopping only inches away, you pointed your wand directly at his face. 

“I’m not usually one for violence, but make no mistake, Malfoy. If I hear you sniffing around Harry and his friends again, or anyone else for that matter, I won’t hesitate to reunite you with your ferret form from last year, are we clear?” you spoke, the warning clear in your voice. 

Malfoy, seeming to finally come to his senses, nodded quickly. Swiftly, you patted his head. “Good boy, now take your “friends” and run along to class. And remember what I said, Draco. I never break my promises.”

You watched as Draco took off down the hallway, Crabbe and Goyle clumsily taking off after him. Turning to the crowd, you shouted “nothing to see here folks, go off to class” and quickly the crowd dispersed, obviously a little afraid of what the elder Potter was capable of when it came to her family and people she cared about. 

You casually strolled over to your group, immediately pulling Harry into a hug. “I’m sorry if I upset you by stepping in, but I won’t apologize for doing it. That little ferret had it coming. He had no business talking to any of you like that” you spoke, glancing at Hermione and Ron who gave you grateful smiles in return. 

“Honestly sis, it was pretty funny. I’ve never seen Malfoy so scared in all his life. I truly thought he’d wet himself. I just don’t want you to get in trouble with Umbridge. I’m supposed to protect you too and I don’t want you to have a run in with her because of me” he spoke, returning your hug. 

“Don’t worry about me, little brother. I’m more than capable of handling that Pink Toad should she find out, but I doubt Draco wants to expose himself, merlin forbid his father finds out he got told off by a girl, a Gryffindor no less.” you chuckled, giving Harry a squeeze before stepping back. “Now, you lot run off to class, and if anyone gives you any problems, just let me know, okay?”

The golden trio eagerly smiled at you and nodded their heads, running off down the corridor, probably to tell the rest of the fifth years what a fool Malfoy had been made out to be. You smiled after them, turning back to your boyfriend and his twin, who you immediately smacked in their heads.

“Bloody hell, woman. What was that for??” George, grumbled, rubbing the back of his head. “That was for not telling me my brother was being picked on, you numpties!” You then quickly pulled them in for a hug. “I did notice however, that a few more pranks have been played on Slytherin house in the past week than normal, and I appreciate you looking out for him in the way you could. Just next time, don’t keep something like this from me. please.”

“You got it, love. Harry is just very convincing when he’s got puppy eyes. ya know? Bloody fool can convince you of just about anything.” Fred spoke, wrapping his arm around you and beginning to once again guide you down the hall. “Now, let’s actually get to McGonagall’s, and you’re explaining why we’re late, miss.” George spoke from the other side of you, ruffling your hair. 

“Oh and, love? Remind me to never get on your bad side.” Fred spoke, as you all laughed, walking off down the corridor. 

[gainaxvel3o]

A look at Adam Taurus

Now that I’ve rewatched  RWBY up until Adam’s death, I kinda want to talk about him. There’s a thought in some circles that think Adam was a wasted character, that he had no arc or personality to say much of.

I don’t quite agree. Or at least, I don’t agree that’s where his actual flaws as a character are.

Adam has a demonstrably clear and comprehensive arc built up over the course of the series. As far back as the Black trailer, we could see that this guy was someone Blake respected, who was also a bit of an extreme guy given the whole “trying to kill everyone on the train” thing. Naturally Blake left him after that, and he doesn’t show up in full until pretty much the last few minutes of Volume 2. Given how disgusted Blake was by his violence against humans, you’d think Adam would take the time to think on why she might possibly disagree with hm- ha, just kidding he goes on to help destroy Beacon Academy, specifically targeting Blake for leaving him, promising to destroy everything she ever loved, a promise he made good on by cutting off Yang’s arm when she tried to step in. 

His presence kick starts Blake and Yang’s arcs from Volume 4-6, where each have to recover from the scars Adam inflicted on that night. As that happened, Adam makes a couple of appearances in Volume 5; the first one he kills Sienna Khan to take control of the White Fang, planning on turning it into his cult much like in Vale; the second appearance is in the finale, which has him lose his sway over the White Fang due to Blake and her friends forcing him to run off. Volume 6 begins with him slaughtering a bunch of White Fang grunts for making fun of him. He began the show having this power over Blake and loses it through the series.

The Adam Short before Volume 6 expands on his origins, showing his rise to power in each of it’s little segments, how Adam explains the Grimm masks as a fear tactic against the humans, how Sienna unintentionally encouraged his violent behavior, how even in the past he was more than a manipulative jerk to Blake, Power and control are a constant theme with Adam, each volume peeling back a bit on him until his end, where he ditched the mask to reveal the SDC symbol on his eye. From those details, one can surmise that Adam hated weakness, so he sough to obtain strength, and on his quest for it he turned into an abuser himself, one that Blake and Yang had to stop.

So if all of that is understandable, what is my problem with Adam?

Well, he’s tied heavily into the Faunus racism plot, which I hate, but I’m not gonna get into that here. For now, I’ll say that my biggest problem with Adam is that... I just don’t buy him as an effective cult leader.

Let me explain. It’s not inconceivable that Adam was able to get far in the White Fang due to his strength alone, but whether due to the acting or a lack of scenes with this, I don’t get the sense that he’s a charismatic enough man who could get a ton of people into his cause. Aside from the brief scene in his short where he hands out the masks, we don’t get a sense of Adam’s ideology, or what he’s selling to the Faunus in order to gain momentum. Sienna seems more politically savvy than Adam, but we don’t see enough of the two to get meaningful distinctions in their approaches. That’s partially due to Sienna dying in her first scene (to this day I still think that was one of RWBY’s biggest mistakes), but also that Adam’s sparse appearances make it harder to understand what he’s thinking.

His use of Grimm masks is interesting to me. What does Adam think of the Grimm? Given we never see him take his mask off until late in the series, does he see the Grimm as a symbol of strength? That seems to be the implication given the masks are used by the White Fang as a fear tactic and how he doesn’t seem to have a problem working with Grimm to destroy Beacon, but how far does that go? Speaking of working with others, why did he think that working with Cinder and Roman, a bunch of humans, was a good idea to begin with? The latter is especially odd given Roman is a huge racist against Faunus. I’m surprised Adam never tried to gut him at all. Keep in mind that this team up happened before Blake left him, it was one of the reasons she was suspicious of him in fact. Adam is not exactly known for his pragmatism so something’s up here.

Looking back on Sienna’s death, that could have been the perfect opportunity for Adam to show what he’s made of. Imagine if Adam doesn’t kill Sienna right off the bat; she makes the same accusations, but Adam picks apart her words and build a case that she’s “gotten soft,” that she doesn’t understand how destroying an establishment where humans force faunus into working for them was an essential part of protecting the future of their kind. In an ironic turn around of her scene with Ghira, Adam turns the White Fang against her by making her pragmatism seem too centrist for their liking. Maybe Ilia is there too. Maybe she agrees with Adam openly, putting Sienna on the spot. Maybe Sienna retreats while Adam is cheered on by his fellow members. 

But he doesn’t take the throne for himself, no that would be too convenient, plus it might stop him form acting in the field. He gets Ilia to do it instead.

Blake and Ilia worked under Adam. It’s implied that Adam had also manipulated Ilia on some level, which he could seize upon to make his grand take over of the White Fang. Adam could be on the frontlines attacking the humans while Ilia was in his control, which would also effectively pit her further against Blake.

But that’s just a hypothetical scenario. It’s easy to think of something like that in hindsight, when the volumes have been out for years. I just think that something along those lines could have helped sell Adam as a manipulative bastard who could convincingly pull off a take over of the White Fang.

I feel that Adam is a fine enough character as depicted, just that there were some specific holes that could have been used to better flesh him out. I like him primarily as a phantom that Blake and Yang must overcome together, but it would have been nice to get a bit more insight into Adam’s motives and ideology. 

[idreamofhazeleyes]

Gender Swap

Tags: @squirrelnotsam @impala-dreamer @mrswhozeewhatsis @idreamofplaid @mariekoukie6661 @idreamofplaid @percussiongirl2017 @winchestergirl-13 @lyrr24​

Words: 1701

Idea: Thanks to a curse, the trio experience being in the opposite gender’s body.

Muse: Truly Forgotten (Radio Company)

Warnings: Smut, p in v, both receiving, reverse gender body 

It had to be the witch. Aaliyah just knew somehow that it had to have been the witch. Nothing else could explain it. Her whole body had the feeling that something was off, but she couldn’t put a finger on what it was. A few days had passed since she and the brothers had taken out a rogue witch, but not before he was able to cast a spell on them; a warning that it would come to fruition in days. She was ready to deal with the results. Not the results she stared at in the mirror. Her face had taken on more of a chiseled feature, blending into a neck that seemed to be a bit stockier, then into broad shoulders.

Aaliyah straightened, taking her weight off her bathroom sink. There was no question now. The witch had done a spell that had completely changed her gender. Part of her was angry at the witch for doing this against her. It was countered by her curiosity that had lasted years since living with the brothers. Her gaze shifted south even as a hand reached to the hem of her running shorts she wore to bed. She noticed her torso had narrowed down from her chest. Her hips had streamlined along with her torso. Damn if she didn’t … No, not going down that road. Aaliyah couldn’t stop herself from pulling the top of her sleep shorts out enough and looked down.

Yeah, that was the full thing.

She worked to keep her breathing steady before hearing a scream from down the hall. Aaliyah took a look in the mirror before stepping away and shed away her bra. There was no point on keeping it on. A few steps in the hall brought her into Dean’s running path.

“Damn it, Dean,” Aaliyah caught his arms before he could stumble back. “Watch …” Her sentience dropped when she got a good look at him.

His face had slimmed down, the two day stubble had disappeared. Aaliyah let him go and took a step back to take in the full change. Lithe legs. Boxers that seemed to be strained ever so much against his wide hips that led to a flat stomach and healthy waist. And breasts that were free hanging and dared Aaliyah to kiss them. She tore her eyes from Dean’s chest and matched his gaze. Still apple green eyes and short hair.

“Looks like the witch got you guys as well,” Sam’s voice said.

Aaliyah turned at the feminine voice, startled more at the higher pitch than the words. He too had been transformed into a female version of himself.

She nodded. “Seems like.”

“I don’t like it, change us back,” Dean demanded, anger rising.

Aaliyah chuckled. She had to admit he was kinda cute being angry like this. “Wait, you don’t like this?” she said with a smile.

“And you don’t? Come on, Liya.”

She half shrugged. “It’s a … something. We got the witch, and who knows how long the spell’s gonna last? Are either one of you gonna make the call to Rowena to reverse it?”

Both brothers shifted and avoided her gaze. Seemed like they both thought of calling Rowena, but could be a bit too proud or embarrassed to do so. Aaliyah made a mental note to make the call herself after a few days.

“So, what are we gonna do?” Dean asked, frustrated over not being able to do something in fixing the problem.

“What the two of you are gonna do is maybe be able to fit into my clothes,” Aaliyah started. “Because you’re not walking around like … that.” She gestured to their partially nude bodies.

“And you’re any better?” he shot back.

“Dean,” Sam chided.

“Hey, I’m covered.” And wanted to explore more in private. “Come on, you both look like you can wear my stuff for a few hours.” She led the way back to her room, now aware of the rubbing and the itching in her sleeping shorts.

“You know,” Sam said, coming up along side her. “You can adjust if you need to.”

Aaliyah released a sigh before reaching down and adjusting enough for comfort. In her room, she rifled through her dresser in the hope of finding clothes for Sam and Dean. Maybe not Sam since he was still a good six inches taller than her. She tossed a couple decent bras at them. “Put those on.”

A half hour and a wardrobe change later, Aaliyah found herself sitting in a library with books on the table in the chance of finding a way to break the spell. She had figured out a good sitting position that didn’t pinch or squeeze too much. Sam had dared to venture out for food, claiming he got sudden urges for sweets and chocolate. Aaliyah didn’t have the heart to tell him what could happen in the next couple weeks.

A thump of a book broke into Aaliyah’s concentration, causing her to jump in the chair.

“Any luck?” Dean asked, leaning back on the table in his usual manner.

Aaliyah shook her head as she reclined in the chair. “Nothing. You?”

“Same.” Dean took the chair next to her. “It’s like the Men of Letters here didn’t know how to handle witches.”

“And it was a different time.” She remembered Henry and his mind set coming out of the 1950s. “We’re more creative in our solutions.”

“Why can’t we just call Rowena?”

“You wanna explain to her what happened? And get a good laugh from her?” Aaliyah smirked when she watched Dean didn’t quite meet her eyes. She pushed back from the table and stood, stretching as she did. “Yeah, thought so. Now, we can figure it out on our own. I’ve started getting used to … things.”

“Speaking of which. Have you gotten…” Dean gestured in a way near his groin. “Excited?”

She had been trying not to think on that. There was little point on entertaining the thought when there was a spell to break.

A hand traced up a leg, breaking into Aaliyah’s thoughts and bringing her attention back to Dean. She shifted back a little on the table when he moved off the chair and settled between her legs. Her mouth met his. Hands slipped up a shirt and helped to shed it. Another pair worked on jeans that had become a bit too tight.

The kiss broke.

“Damn it, Liya,” Dean said, his voice low.

Aaliyah swore she could hear the husky undertone just before her breath hitched when Dean freed her from the jeans. Her eyes closed as he moved down and took her in his mouth. A light thud of denim hitting the floor reached her ears. She resisted the urge to buck her hips into him. Hands worked off her boots. Somewhere in the back of her mind, notes were being filed away as Dean worked at her. Her feet stepped out of the jeans. If things returned to normal, she would know what he liked.

“Dean, come here.”

Her dick had a slight chill when he obeyed; hands sliding up and under her shirt.

“You’re enjoying this too much,” he whispered.

She smirked. “You are too.” Aaliyah reached around and unclasped her bra from him; kissing each breast as she moved from the table and guided Dean around into her spot.

Their mouths met again as Aaliyah worked through the same motions Dean had with her. Jeans open and down the legs; boots off and legs free of the clothing. Aaliyah positioned Dean’s legs wide and started licking at him and being rewarded with a gasp. She worked a couple fingers into his vagina, slick coating them. Any more teasing and she would climax soon.

“Sweetheart …” Dean started. “Please.”

Aaliyah heard the plea in his voice and pulled away. She settled in between his legs and kissed him, slick still on her lips. “Please what?” She pressed her hips against him; her erection painfully close to Dean’s entrance.

“I need …”

“Need what?”

“You. In me.”

She reached down and lined herself up, pushing into him.

He sighed as the tension faded from his body.

Aaliyah pressed against him as she started thrusting. Slow at first in the want to draw it out. But with how close she was and knowing Dean had to be on the edge, she couldn’t keep the slow pace. Grunts started before she groined with the climax. Dean tightening around her.

She didn’t move from him for a few minutes, allowing the post climax contentment ebb on it’s own. The sound of the main door opening was her one warning that someone was going to see them. Both of them managed to put on their underwear before Rowena rounded a corner.

“I see Samuel was right,” she said, a small amount of amusement coming through. “Well, then. You two finish getting dressed and I’ll get started on the reversal.”

Aaliyah grabbed her discarded clothes and found a spot away from Rowena to dress. Dean followed her to the same spot.

“So … um …” Dean started.

“Learning curve.” Aaliyah stretched a little to give him a kiss before returning to Rowena. “So, what’s the reversal call for?”

“Down to business I see. That’s good. If I may be bold to say, love. You do make for an attractive person.” Rowena gestured to what she laid out and told what the ingredients were before actually casting the spell.

Aaliyah wrapped an arm around Dean when she felt him come up beside her; her body morphing back into her natural female form. It was smaller than Dean’s now male form; always was. But it seemed more noticeable now.

“Thanks, Rowena,” she said.

“It was the least I could do. No need to be having word getting out that the Winchesters had gotten on the wrong side of a spell.”

The wrong side of a spell? Did the witch they took out cast wrong? Aaliyah didn’t know and really didn’t want to. She saw Rowena out with another thanks. Her gaze fell on Dean from the landing. He gave her a head tilt. She smiled and followed after.

[buckyscrystalqueen]

Too Smart for Your Own Good: Part 8

Pairings: (Past) Machine Gun Kelly x Reader, (Past) Henry Cavill x Reader, Chibs x Reader

Warnings: Swearing, PTSD, abandonment, another dick move on Henry’s part.

Word Count: 6,114

A/N: Doesn’t have a completed end yet, but just giving you more content to try to get myself out of a writing funk.

A/N 2: Yea, I had fun with this one. Sorry, not sorry.

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Negan had seen you pissed before, hell, he’d seen you down right livid. But he had never, ever seen you so furious you refused to even talk to him. He looked over at you with a small, tight smile as you walked into your messy kitchen, but you didn’t even glance at him as you bee lined past him to grab two coffee mugs from the cabinet.

“Morning, princess.” He dared, but he instantly shut up when you shot him a look that spoke volumes. “(Y/N)...”

“Save it.” You grumbled as you grabbed two K cups from the box on the counter and picked up the entire Keurig as silent punishment. He sighed loudly as you walked back out of the room past Simon, who took one look at the coffee maker in your arms and over at the spot it lived in on your counter, before shaking his head.

“Does the other house have a coffee pot still, or did she take that, too?” He asked with a glance to his boss, who was watching you walk up the stairs back to your room without a second glance.

“I fucked up with her, didn’t I?” You heard Negan ask his second in command before you stepped into the room and closed the door behind you.

“Ye took the whole damn thing?” Chibs whisper yelled as you headed into the bathroom to set the Keurig down.

“There’s a pot in the carriage house.” You said back with a shrug as you plugged your machine in. “I don’t feel sorry for them.”

“Cold hearted.” He chuckled as he made sure the pillows were all around the co sleeper and that Celeste was OK before coming into the bathroom. “No cream?”

“You get it black, or you can go down and deal with my father to get it, your call.”

“Yea, I’m no’ goin’ down ta flaunt the fact tha’ I stayed ‘ere over nigh’ to ‘im anytime soon.” He sighed as he partially closed the water closet door to use the bathroom.

“If it helps at all, he now knows better than to lay so much as a finger on you.”

“It does not.”

“Well you don’t have to see him for a week anyways, so it’s fine.” You said as you stepped over to turn on the shower while the first cup was brewing. “Besides, I need an escort through IRA territory and I’m not trusting my daughter’s life to a prospect. I have a lot of errands to do in the next couple days...”

“Luv...” You looked over at him with your eyebrow raised before following his gaze down to the tattoo on your rib cage that no one but him would know the true meaning of just by looking at it. He smirked as you moved your arm out of the way, and shook his head. “Ye did say ye’d never let me live it down...”

“You tore apart my garden for those lilacs, Filip.” You giggled as you looked at the bouquet of purple flowers in a metal milk can with a tartan patterned bow around it that represented his last name.

“Couldn’t show up empty ‘anded now, could I?”

“No, that wouldn’t have been right.” You whispered even softer as he stepped forward to brush his thumb across the bow.

“Does yer da’...”

“No one knows what it means.” You said with a shake of your head as you shivered from the goosebumps racing across your skin. “Negan asked if it was for my mom when he first saw it because lilacs were her favorite too, and I just nodded and walked away.”

“It’s beautiful.” He said with a glance up at you. “Much more elegant than mine.”

“You got a tattoo for me?”

“Subtle.” He said as he held up his left hand and stuck out his ring finger. “Black band, but your name wore off the side.”

“You’re so cute.” You giggled as you ran your fingertip across what was left of your name. “Who did it? Because that would have gotten back to Negan...”

“I did.” He said as he looked at the left over ink. “Did a stint in prison for possession seven or eight years back. Anniversary’a the last time I saw ye. Took all nigh’ bu’ I needed the pain.”

“We’ll get it re done soon if you want.” You promised as you turned on the water and stepped inside. “Coming? We have a lot of things to do today.”

“So no time for a quickie?” He teased before taking a sip of his coffee, starting yours, and stepping out of his boxers.

“What kinda girl do you think I am?” You teased as you shook an old, nearly empty bottle of shampoo to finish it off. “I wasn’t that easy back then, and as a mother and a woman of class...”

“Oh, shut it.” He laughed as he wrapped his arms your waist and pulled you into his chest. He kissed you gently as you went from washing your hair to washing his, just appreciating being together again. You couldn’t stop your mind from racing in a thousand different directions as he gently lifted you up and pinned you against the wall to slide into you, but by the time you both came, you realized that for the first in twelve years you truly felt safe. You felt at home.

“I still love you.” You said softly as you laid your head down on his chest. “I never stopped…”

“Was I supposed ta stop lovin’ ye?” He asked as he ran his fingers through your hair. “‘Cause even after all the shite I went through, I’d do it all over ‘gain to ‘ave ye in m’life.”

“You can protect me from the big bad world.” You said with a smile as you looked up at him. “I’ll protect you from Negan.”

“I may actually let ye do tha’, lass.” He said as he quickly washed his body off and stepped out of the way for you. “Yer da’s terrifyin’ when it comes ta ye.”

“My dad may think he’s a hard ass, but that man knows that I’m the one in charge no matter how much he doesn’t want to admit it. And he also knows at this point, now that he knows I know what he did, if he so much as lays a finger on you, I’m done... permanently. So being with me is as safe as you’ll ever be when it comes to my dad.”

“Tha’s somethin’ I’m really nervous ta test.”

“I can solve it today.” You said with a bob of your head as you turned off the water. “Because while I know he will never, ever admit it to anyone, possibly including me, he regrets what he did now that he’s been busted for it. And he didn’t feel shame for it until he saw the look in my eyes. Because it’s a look that instantly reminded him of my mom, and I know he can hear her freaking out at him in his memories.”

“It’s so strange ta see ‘im through yer eyes, my luv.” He huffed as he grabbed his coffee and went out to throw his clothes on from the day before. “Instead of as m’President.”

“Yea, it’s still entertaining to see him try to be ‘big bad Negan’ all these years later when I know the softie he can be since I actually remember it from when I was a kid… shit, I really don’t wanna wake her up…”

“Rip off the bandaid.”

“But she’s so cute…”

“Rip off the bandaid.” He repeated as he fastened his belt. “Ye said ye had a lot ta do, an’ tha’ ye wan’ed ‘er on Belfast time.”

“Son of a bitch.” You grumbled as you threw on a nursing tank, and a big, loose sweater over your leggings. You grabbed something cute for Celeste, that would keep her warm through out the day, and pouted at her as you kneeled on the bed and simply picked her up. “Oh, Mommy’s sorry.” You cooed as she instantly started to whine in sheer exhaustion. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I know.”

“She’s cute until she screams.” Chibs teased as he sat down on the bed to put his boots on. “Then she just reminds me of you.”

“Fuck you.” You said in a sing song voice. He chuckled and threw on his kutte before putting her car seat on the bed for you. “Yes, I know, Mommy’s mean. But you can sleep in the car, baby girl.”

“I’m guessin’ yer kidnappin’ me like old times?” He asked as he took the dirty diaper from you and got up to toss it in the diaper genie you had put in your bathroom the night before.

“Well obviously, I’m a defenseless first time Mommy that needs a big strong man to protect her and her adorable little girl.”

“Well now I jus’ ‘ave ta protect such a beautiful woman, and this cute little screamin’ bundle’a joy.”

“Oh, we are as much of a morning person as Mommy is.” You said as you grabbed his hand and put it on her stomach so you could pack your diaper bag for what you needed for the day.

“Oh, we’re jus’ no’ ‘avin’ a good mornin’.” He said as he picked her up and walked over to your bedroom window. He talked to her like he had known her throughout your whole pregnancy and her whole, short existence, instead of only a few hours. He got her to sniffle her way to a comfortable spot on his shoulder as you took out what you didn’t need and replaced what you needed to. You silently glared at him as his humming put her right back to sleep, and he moved at nearly a glacial pace to lay her down in the carseat. “I’m good wit’ kids.”

“Fuck outta here.” You huffed as you threw on your boots and grabbed your diaper bag and coffee. “Alright, you carry her. He’s less likely to hit you if you’re holding her.”

“No’ reassuring.” He muttered as he checked his pockets to make sure he had everything, before putting the car seat down just long enough to put his gun in the holder under his kutte. “Safety’s on, don’ worry.” With a roll of your head, you threw your bag on your shoulder, and lead him out the room with a sigh.

“Telford!” Negan yelled the moment you walked out the door, but you could see the flash of fear in his eyes when he realized you were headed straight for him.

“You have two choices here.” You said where only he could hear you as you stopped directly beside him, but looking out at the lake behind him. “You have the choice to try to take him out of my life for whatever fucking reason you could come up with. Or you have the choice to be my fucking father and fight for me to be happy with someone with as good of heart as he has to step up and protect my daughter the same way you protected me after everything I’ve been through. And we both know he wouldn’t have patched if he wasn’t a good person.” You glanced up at him with tears in your eyes, and you could see your dad, the man that only you really got to see looking back at you. 

“Just know, I won’t stop fighting for him this time. You got lucky with Henry falling in my lap at just the right time and my research taking off the way it did. But you won’t be this time. And keep in mind, he and I both have to live with the physical proof of what you’ve done to us for the rest of our lives which is exactly why I can honestly say that if you try, you will lose everything. So you make the choice.” You looked back out at the lake with a sniff as you put your sunglasses on, while Negan took barely a half second to weight the options of loosing you, or seeing you with Chibs before he straightened beside you.

“Telford, get that baby outta the fucking cold. The fuck you standing there for, huh? And make sure my kid doesn’t get lost in some Goddamn throw pillows or whatever shit she’s got planned in that fucking head of hers for this place. Or better yet, make sure that she doesn’t lose her damn kid in throw pillows.” You nodded your head and went to walk away, but Negan quickly grabbed your arm and held you in one spot. You met his eyes for a few moments, letting him apologize ten times over in a simple look, and you choose to partially let him off the hook.

“Get the fucking prospects to return those vans before you get charged another day’s rental. We’ll talk later.” He nodded his head and leaned over to kiss your forehead, before letting you go to yell at the prospects and regain his control of his men.

“Wha’ did ye say ta ‘im?” Chibs asked softly as you set your diaper bag on the floor board and peeked in the back to make sure the only thing that was back there was your stroller frame.

“I told him to make a choice.” You said as you carefully shut the back door, and pulled open the passenger door. “And he made the right one.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“This place looks like it fucking threw up Christmas.” Your dad grumbled to you with a shake of his head as you walked through your professionally decorated house after spending a week on the road dealing with some club shit you didn’t even care to ask about.

“It’s Celeste’s first Christmas.” You started as you looked at the sparkling entry way proudly. “And our first one not spent in a portable in years. And you know I love Christmas. Oh, and I finally got confirmation that Colson, Casie, and Emma are coming for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, so it had to be even more perfect. Ash and Ashton, too.”

“You got the fucking prospects to do all this shit?”

“Fuck no.” You laughed with a shake of your head. “I hired a company. The prospects are wrapping gifts in the carriage house because fuck knows I hate doing that shit. Paper cuts.” You said with a smirk as you looked over at him. “Not pleasant. They can do the bitch work.”

“Where’s Telford?”

“Why?” You asked as the smile fell from your face.

“Need to talk to him... and you, since I know you will never trust me in a room with him again.”

“With good reason.” You said as you gestured to the stairs. “Setting up my baby monitors in the nursery while Celeste tries out her new crib for nap time. Oh, Ash is heading over to the house later today to send me some shit I need to hang out here a while longer. Do you need anything?”

“I’m heading back day after New Years.” He said with a shake of his head and a heartbroken sigh. “I lost you because of this, didn’t I?” You hesitated for a moment and sighed loudly with a small nod of your head.

“You changed my whole life with your actions, Daddy. And his even more so. You may be the president of an MC, but you are still my father. And whether you liked it or not, you had no right to do what you did, no matter what the reason. Whether it be to keep ahold of your image, or to keep me closer to home, it doesn’t matter. You had no right. So yes, in a sense, you lost me- my trust is gone. But you are still my father, and I will always love you. So in that sense, I will still be here. You’ll see me, and Celeste, and I will always be here if you need me... but we will never have the same relationship we did because of this.” You looked over at him as a few tears fell from his eyes, and his sighed as his whole body sank with the weight of his actions.

“Your mother would be so proud of you.” He started as he looked over at you with a shake of his head. “But I would have lost her over this, too, so I understand.” As gently as he could, he reached out to pull you into a hug. “I’m sorry, princess. I’m so, so sorry.”

“I know, Daddy.” You whispered back as you started to tear up as well. You both stood there for a moment, completely ignoring Simon, and the Belfast charter’s president, Jax when they walked in to talk to him, but they turned right back around to give you your space as Negan pulled away and nodded his head.

“Can I go talk to him?” He asked as he wiped off his face. “I’ll leave my gun with you, if that makes you more comfortable.”

“I’ll come up with you.” You said as you wiped off your own face with your fingertips. “You can use my room while I get Celeste up from her nap so we can go find a caterer last minute for Christmas Eve. And the gun can stay in the hall.”

“Sounds like a plan.” He agreed before gesturing you toward the stairs. You headed through the new baby gate, and up the right side of the split staircase toward the only two rooms on that end of the house, before telling Negan to wait in the hall so you could pre-warn Chibs.

“Hey, my dad wants to talk to you.” His head whipped away from his phone where he was adjusting the views of the cameras, but you nodded at him, reassuringly. “It’s OK. His gun’s staying in the hall. It’s not a bad talk, I promise.”

“‘S’more the knives tha’ got my concern.” He said as he picked up a piece of paper with the app information. “Username is yer email, password’s Celeste123107.”

“You think you’re slick.” You laughed, since the date was the day you two met.

“I thought so.” He said with a small smile as he headed out of the room, stepping over the hand gun that was laying just outside the doorway. You added the app to your phone and signed into your account to check the cameras yourself while the two men went into your room to talk, before walking over to the bed to wake up your baby girl.

“Hello, punk-a-pie.” You cooed as you gently rubbed her back. “Hi, good morning. It’s time to join the world of the living so we can go for another fun adventure. Yea.” She actually grunted at you in protest when you picked her up, and you smiled at just how adorable she was. “Oh, I know it. It’s just so hard to be a baby with such a mean Mommy. Waking you up from naps, and feeding you, and changing you all the time. How could I be so thoughtless, hmm? But that means I get to eat these chunky little thighs. And theses cute little toes-ies.” You smiled as she burst into a fit of giggles on the changing pad when you playfully ‘bit’ her toes. “Oh, I could just eat you up! Yes I could. Fuck, I’m glad you got Mommy’s chunky thighs. They are just so damn cute.”

“I second that.” Chibs said as he walked back into the room a lot faster than you expected, while Negan simply headed down stairs to find out what Simon and Jax wanted. You looked over at him questioningly as you pushed the dirty diaper into the diaper pail, but he shook his head. “Nothin’ bad. Apologized for everythin’, gave me direct permission ta go Nomad a’while ta be wit’ you. Told me ta take care of his girls.”

“He knows he lost me.” You said with a nod as you re-buttoned the long sleeve onesie and put your daughter’s jeans back on. “He knows there’s no coming back from this now. He made his bed, and he has to sleep in it and what are you doing?!”

“I bought this for ye 12 years ago.” He said as he stood beside you at the changing table where you were now frozen half way of putting Celeste in her jacket to look at a gorgeous ring in a black box. “An’ the day aft’a ye came back, when I knew ye still luved me, too, I ‘ad the prospect start puttin’ t’get’a the legal paperwork for the courts. Because I lost ye once, an’ I’d rath’a die then lose ye ‘gain. So on New Years Eve, at the exact stroke of midnight, 12 long fuckin’ years aft’a it shoulda ‘appended in the first place, will ye please, please make me the luckiest son’ov’a bitch in the entire world an’ marry...”

“Yes.”

“Can I fuckin’ finish the...”

“No.” You laughed as you leaned over and kissed him roughly. He smiled against your lips and held you in place for a moment, before pulling back with a shake of his head.

“I was gon’ wait until the day of.” He said as he pulled the ring free while you finished dressing your now impatient daughter. “But wit’ yer dad’s blessin’... shockin’, I know.” He laughed as he took your left hand and slid the ring in place. “But we ‘ave it. An’ I wasn’t waitin’ another moment.”

“I don’t blame you.” You laughed as you looked at the ring that felt so much more right than the last one that was placed there, before showing Celeste with a smile. “Look at that, baby girl. Mommy’s getting married. And if he wants to, Chibs can become Daddy all in the same swing.”

“I’d be honored.” You nodded over at him with a laugh as you put on Celeste’s ear warmer headband bow.

“We’re just gunna wait until after Christmas to let her birth father know that all the same.”

“Aye. Don’ feel like havin’ ta fight for both m’girls in the same month.”

“What would you have done if he had said no?” Your fiancé smirked as he checked your diaper bag for you and put it on his shoulder.

“We would’a eloped. But now, ‘e can bear witness, ‘long wit’ Jackie boy, an’ this little chubby thighed cutie.”

“Well now you’ve just sent me into overdrive.” You laughed as you buckled Celeste in her car seat, and wrapped her in the car seat blanket you had. “Because now, after the caterer, I need to find a dress, and a location...”

“I’ve it all figured out.” He interrupted as he took the car seat from you. “Except the dress. My club may be loyal ta Negan, but I’ve broth’a’s a’ the table tha’ want ta see a broth’a happy ‘a the end’a the day.”

“Well then you can come with me to the caterer, then I’ll drop you and Celeste back off so you don’t see me in the dress. We’ve finally got some good luck going for us here.”

“Sounds like a plan ta me, my luv. Sounds like a plan to me.”

——

You had always imagined that you would be nervous on your wedding day, but as you stood in a private room in a church of all places that meant a lot to your future husband, you didn’t feel anything but excited. You tried to keep everything simple, but still put the prospects and your decorating company through the ringer to pull off a dream shared across cotton sheets that Chibs insisted you deserved, and had already been planning as long as he had the paperwork to pull off, even if it was for the ranks of the Sanctuary’s unwashed heathens.

“You know, I never thought you’d actually get to this point.” Ashleigh said as she adjusted her silver dress around her hips. “I figured when you got engaged to Henry, you were gunna get to the actual planning of the wedding and just… not. And I definitely didn’t think you’d do it this fast.”

“Henry isn’t my Filip.” You said with a look over at her as you finished a braid of your updo and pinned it on to place. 

“Yea, but don’t you think this is a little fast?”

“Ash, I really wish I could explain this… Look, I loved Henry. I did. He was smart, and, funny, and kind. He supported my work, and didn’t mind my eccentricities… but he tried to change me. He tried to pull me away from my dad, to get me away from my club. He wanted us to move to England… and all of those things I would have considered because he made me feel comfortable. But then he took it upon himself to join the Army without a single word until the day he left, and he made that choice because he needed space to think things with me through. Yea, the things you learn after the fact. That was a nice ‘good to see ya after six years’ message.

But Filip, my Filip, the one that got away… He makes me feel safe. He makes me feel safe to let my guard down, and to not be this… always put together Nobel prize winning, Ph. D. three times over doctor all the time. He brings out an innocence that I’ve never gotten to experience because I was looking out for my dad, or drowning myself in my work, or because I was more focused on being the best astrophysicist this world had ever seen. He makes me laugh harder than anyone ever has in my life. He doesn’t just mind my eccentricities, he embraces them, and shows them off like a badge of honor. He doesn’t just make excuses for those times I have my ‘moments’ as Henry called them in public. He sacrificed being truly happy in life to make sure that I had the best life that I could. And I can’t lose that man from my life again. I can live without Henry. I can’t live without Filip.” You smiled as you picked up your silver and ice blue snowflake hair piece and turned in the mirror to see what you were doing to put it on. “And besides the fact, he hasn’t batted an eye over Celeste. Henry literally ran, and put her in the NICU for a month.”

“OK, he didn’t put her in the NICU.”

“He put me in a position that put her in the NICU.” You said as you glanced over at the clock. “But it doesn’t matter. None of that matters anymore. What matters is that the man that I was meant to be with years ago, is somewhere in this church, putting on a tie for me, and a suit that he wouldn’t be caught dead in otherwise for me, and has me excited to get married in a church of all places, without even questioning ‘God’ and all that entails. What matters is he is the love of my life… and after today, he will be mine.” Ash nodded her head slowly as she fixed your hair the slightest bit and tried to avoid eye contact in the mirror.

“(Y/N), I think...”

“Hey, Princess. You’re runnin’…” Negan interrupted as he knocked on the door while he pushed it open, and he stopped and smiled as he looked at you. “Well Goddamn.”

“You’re in a church, mister.” You reminded him, teasingly as you turned and pulled the mostly white, with a double layer of light blue tulle skirt around so it was straighter behind you. “Not supposed to swear in a church.”

“Yea, yea.” He grumbled. “Old, new, borrowed, blue, right?”

“I’ve got ‘em all covered, Daddy.” You said as you watched him walk over with something in his hand.

“Well I’m still replacing your old with mine.” He said as he held out his hand to you. Your brow furrowed until you saw the glimpse of a silver heart locket on a chain. “I don’t have to even ask if you know what it is…”

“It’s mom’s.” You said with a smile as you flipped it over with your thumb. “She wore it on your wedding day.”

“Always said she’d pass it down to a daughter. Nearly made Ash miss her fucking flight looking for it. You know I can’t remember where I put shit for shit.”

“Will you quit swearing and put on the damn necklace.” You laughed as you held it out to him. “Racing a clock here.”

“Yea, yea.” He chuckled as he put the finishing touch on your wedding day outfit. He took a step back and huffed with a small shake of his head. “You make a beautiful bride, baby girl.”

“Thank you, Daddy. Now Ash, what were you saying?”

“Oh, it’s... it’s nothing.” She said with her own smile as she handed you your bouquet of blue roses that had a dark blue bandana you borrowed from Chibs wrapped around the bottom stems. With a nod, you looked at yourself in the mirror one last time, before looking back at your dad.

“You ready?” Negan asked with a small smirk.

“More than.” With a nod, he held out his arm and led you out of the back room. “Damn it, can we just speed up the clock.” You joked as you carefully and subtly kicked out the front of your gown with each step so you would trip or rip it.

“Quit fuckin’ swearing.” Negan laughed as Ashleigh walked a little faster to get next to you.

“(Y/N), I think I made a huge mistake.” She repeated, timidly at the same time you watched Henry looking up from your sleeping little girl in her snow queen dress and a giant blue bow you prayed would muffle the noise so she could stay asleep next to Ashton in their winter wonderland decorated wagon, and over at you. There was only a moments hesitation as you ran through the list of women from the club that had come to see you as you were getting ready to wish you the best before you reacted.

“Daddy, go get Frankie.” You asked, simply as you let go of his arm for a moment. “She’s got on black and silver, so she won’t clash with the colors when she pulls the wagon.”

“(Y/N)...” Ashleigh choked as you simply ignored your ex standing there and stopped in front of the back doors.

“You are dead to me.” You said to her as you fixed your own dress and forced yourself to remain calm. “Get your son, the prospect will take you back to the hotel for your things and you can go.”

“(Y/N)...” She and Henry said at the same time, which made you round on both of them with fire in your eyes.

“I don’t know what either of you thought you were trying to accomplish here, but I’m not in the fucking mood. You, Henry, I can sort of understand because we were together so long, and you’re just hoping that maybe, just maybe I’d be willing to give you a third chance after every thing you have put me through, but Ash...? What the actual fuck. Seriously, how did you think that calling my ex in on my fucking wedding day was going to go over, huh? Good? Simple? Not likely to royally piss me the fuck off?!”

“I was just trying...”

“Well now you can just try to get the fuck out of here before I fucking strangle you on my fucking wedding day. And Henry, I have nothing more to say to you. You’ve made it perfectly clear that I am not the person you want to be with. And I am sick and fucking tired of compromising my integrity to fit into your perfect wife narrative when I met someone 12 fucking years ago that never wanted anyone but me in the first place and still does all these years later. So you both can leave. Frankie, I need you to pull my flower girl down the aisle for me.” 

“(Y/N)...” Ashleigh said as she carefully picked up Ashton.

“I said NOW!” You roared with a glance back at her. “Now! I will get you home, but you are dead to me. Frankie, it’s fine, just pull her down behind you, put her in front of my dad’s seat so you can take my bouquet, and when it gets to the count down, bring the wagon back here to try to keep her away from the noise.” You told your new Maid of Honor as you fixed your dress again. You didn’t look back as the prospect that had been watching the kids escorted Ashleigh and Henry out of the church despite their protests, but your dad stopped in front of you with a look of concern.

“You need a minute?”

“I need Filip.” You said as you searched his eyes with barely a hint of tears in yours. He nodded his head and told Frankie to go, as he walked around behind you and helped you pull out your ball gown so it made the perfect bell shape.

“What have I always told you about writing off family?”

“Fuck them if they don’t understand.”

“Exactly.” He said as he laced your arm with his. “Fuck ‘em. Now quit swearing in a fucking church.”

“Daddy, we’re both going to hell anyways.” You giggled with a glance up at him. “But I’m pretty sure we just gave ourselves the best seats on the bus.”

“Fucking right we did.” He laughed as you both took the first step down the aisle. You found Filip instantly, and watched as his eyes shifted from anger directed at Henry’s back, to concern when he saw your face. You tried to tell him that you were alright, but you could tell he didn’t believe it until you were directly in front of him with your hand finally in his.

“We’re getting married today.” You whispered with a smile as you reached up with your free hand to cup his cheek. “I’m OK. I’m finally where I’m meant to be. With you.” With a nod of his head, knowing that you would never lie to him, he leaned forward and gently kissed your forehead with a sigh of relief. The ceremony was kept short by design, since it was nearly midnight, and while there was talk of God, you barely noticed it because of the man who could not stop smiling in front of you with matching tears of joy in his eyes. You stuck with generic vows, because neither of you would have made it through writing your own, and your first attempt at saying ‘I do’ came out as a choked whisper, which made his smile grow even more.

“By the power vested in me by God and man...” The priest said as the club counted down the New Year for you. “I pronounce you husband and wife. What God has joined together, let no man put asunder. You may now kiss the bride.”

“I told you I’d marry you one day.” You whispered softly in the last few seconds.

“Finally.” Filip whispered back as he wrapped his arms around your middle and kissed you like it was the first time at exactly midnight, just like he had the night you first met in the shadows of the Belfast clubhouse. The club erupted in cheers as you held your husband’s cheeks between both hands, while the priest presented Mr. and Mrs. Filip Telford over the noise and left to get some sleep before his morning church service. You both pulled back with smiles, and you took your bouquet from Negan, who’s face read happiness and sadness at the same time.

“Congratulations, baby girl.” He said softly as he kissed your cheek before you left, since you agreed to do the reception the next night when you could get a sitter for Celeste and so the club could still celebrate the New Year. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, Daddy.” You responded with a smile. With a nod of his head, he stepped out of your way so you could head out the back to collect your daughter and spend your first night as husband and wife making love until the sun came up.

[cuddlecave]

is xiphoid

first: you *are* good

next: alright thingrey au

how bout an alternate 'the team finds out the shapeshifter is still alive, whoops!' but in an utterly disastrous way

it's been a while since antarctica! a long while, and gord and benr *meant* to tell the team about them ages ago, when benr became human shaped again, but there just never seemed to be a good time? and really, whats one more day, week, month...

anyway the team is utterly oblivious of benr, but being aware of gord, means that's they've noticed he's not been spending as much time with them! been spending, like, a lot of time at home, actually--or away from town. sometimes even avoiding them! they're worried, bc really, this is not the way to deal with trauma, gord! you don't pull away from your friends, you get help! just bc you can't see a therapist doesn't mean you shouldn't try to process it!

anyway, gords generally cagey about where he is, but on a rare team night where he had come to hang over...they very much on purpose get him drunk. now, drunk gord is still pretty fucking cagey (he loves his boyf and would never endanger him if possible), which is a shame, but tom is able to ask a question casually enough that gord doesn't think about it...and ends up telling them he goes out to the [insert desert area here] sometimes. when pressed on why he goes, he seems to realize he made a mistake, and bolts, cutting the night short.

now, credit to gord, him and benr don't go back to that particular desert area after that. but the team are damn smart, and figure that just bc he's not at that area anymore, doesn't mean he's not in *any* desert area anymore.

takes some trial and error--figuring out when gord seems to be out (he never answers his phone when he's out, his car is not at home), and then checking a desert area (didn't get anything but desert the first few times). but eventually...they find his car.

things paint...a worrying picture. there's camping/chilling gear in the car (chairs and a shitty tent, left from when gord tried camping several years ago and never bothered to remove from his car) but they're not set up and gords not there? the doors arent locked and the keys are in ignition? (gord doesn't want to drop his keys running from benr, he did that once and it sucked. also why he doesn't bring his phone! but he's out like 55 miles from the nearest town, who's gonna steal his car?) there's torn up foliage around, as if something big came through (benr may give gord a head start, but he still likes to be big enough to a) chase well, and b) nom gord after), and most worryingly--a set of human footprints in the sand, clearly running based on stride. and some strange larger footprint *next to them*.

their friend was ambushed by something big, and is going to get got. (this is not entirely untrue. not ambushed, but definitely going to get got, lol.) they set off quickly following the footprints.

meanwhile-gord and benr are having a *great* time! the exercise feels nice for both of them, it's a cloudy day so it's shady, they're gonna order pizza and play playstation after this--its gonna be a wonderful day. it already is!

gord, at this point, is beginning to tire out. benr is getting closer. he pushes himself a bit farther, to stretch out the chase just a touch longer, and makes a sharp turn around a rock formation, causing benr to briefly crash into it, giving him a few more steps. but he's tired, and well, benr has better stamina--and agility. benr bounds over the rock formation and uses it's height to gain just a bit of an extra boost, and tackle-hugs gord. they nearly crash into some sharp shrubs, but they're fine.

gord turns and looks up at benr and grins, and benr leans down to him, and gives him a long kiss. gord hums in contentment and relaxes. he's gonna get to doze, now, before driving. naptime, hell yeah.

benr picks him up to swallow him and he just remains basically limp, exhausted, letting benr manhandle him, gently maneuvering him into his jaws. he's swallowed with little fanfare, and happily settles in his tum, almost immediately starting to doze as benr starts to walk.

then he hears screaming, and benr sharply moves, and suddenly he's wide awake.

-

the team follow the tracks. it's a long walk, even moving at speed--gord must have really been booking it, which means hopefully he's still safe, got away some how. surely nothing would chase him for too long, when he was outrunning it this well. the trail goes on and on and on--its looking less like this thing gave up. and gords footsteps are shorter, he's not managing a hard run anymore. they're coming up on a rock formation--its still several hundred feet away. close enough to see a figure that can only be gord run from behind it, but far, far to far away to do anything about what happens next.

they see him turn sharply, and something big hits the rocks, clearly taken off guard. he makes it a few steps. and the team look on in absolute horror as what can only be the shapeshifter jumps off the top of the rocks, and tackles gord to the ground. they're partially obscured by the desert plants, but it's enough to see, even at this distance, the rippling body parts of the creature, pinning gord down.

the thing leans its head down toward gord, and they can't see what's happening with the plants and distance. and then.

it picks a completely unmoving gord up, and swallows him whole.

oh, god. it snapped his neck. it ate him. it's going to try to finish what it started in antarctica oh fuck does anyone have a flamethrower?!

a seeing it stand and start to leisurely walk in the direction they came from, they're finally broken from they're spell of silence and horror. somebody starts screaming angrily, and bubby has a lighter and big spray, making a makeshift flamethrower--and they run towards it in vengeance.

it notices them and sharply turns, booking it in the opposite direction.

(1/?)

continued under the read more!

(cont) oh fuck, thinks benr. this is not good. Not Good at all. gord frantically asks what's going on?! and goes cold when benr says 'ur friends saw us. and buby has fire.' the good thing is, benr is bigger and faster than humans. the bad thing is that he's been running all morning and now has over 200 pounds of boyf swaying in him, even if he's holding gord as tight as possible so he's not getting thrown everywhere. he's not gonna last long, and there's nowhere to hide. gord is furiously thinking. but he's also exhausted, and panicking. the thoughts in his brain are sticky like drying glue when he tries do something with them, and he can feel benr slowing. it's not by much, but his alien bf getting hurt *at all* is unacceptable, so. he decides to stop thinking and start doing. he tells benr to 'stop and let me out! as fast as you can!' and benr skids to a stop and turns half facing the approaching team, and splits his abdomen open and gord comes tumbling out into the light, getting immediately covered in dust and mud sticking to the saliva covering him. it's kinda gross, but at the moment it's not even registering, bc in those moments buby has nearly caught up. gord stands, pushes benr behind him, who let's himself be pushed purely out of surprise, and holds his hands out. 'its me! I'm fine it's ok it's me, please I can explain, just turn off the fire! it's ok!' but the thing is, as far as they're concerned...'you fucking imposter we saw gord die! get a better lie!' and buby is still running full tilt at them. gord has enough time to think, *aw fuck, this is gonna hurt*, before buby lights his makeshift flamethrower and gord is suddenly extremely hot, in pain, and knocked on his back. he can see the sky for a quick moment, before what can only be benr is standing over him, protecting him from further fire. a few limbs quickly use the dirt to put out the couple embers on his shirt (well, what's left of his shirt...) buby jerks back at the large being leaping in his direction, but it stops as it stands over the gord-imposter. which... is not moving. or writhing like the shapeshifter, or trying to split off from the damaged part. it's just...lying there. shallowly breathing as if in shock. buby gets a bit of a sinking feeling. - I got tired after writing this but basically benr tries to angle around enough to protect gord and also use teal green on him from another mouth. the team quickly figure out something is fucky, and that gord...might not be a Thing?? gord is in zero shape to have a real conversation--burns are serious business, and he basically passes out during teal-green. so why was the creature... protecting gord?? especially if it ate him?!?! there's an uneasy (extremely uneasy) truce, and benr carries gord back to the car, flamethrower pointed at them the whole way. they leave gords car and take them both back to toms place, in the car they drove in. it is supremely awkward. especially when gord wakes up for half a minute, kisses benr, and passes out again. not sure how it would go from there,, .... didn't mean to accidentally write a minific but here we are!! I really like the 'extreme misunderstanding vore' trope, lol.

ohhhh man this is like an angsty version of a regular not-a-game au idea i've thought up before o: thinking about what would happen next... the whole car ride home, benb was hitting gord with more healing (tho he gave the guys ample warning first about what he was doing so they wouldn't think he was attacking or something), and thanks to that, gord's burns are healed up to the point where he doesn't need hospitalization, just some burn cream and good rest to finish it off. (and a hair cut. benb is very sad that he couldn't repair gord's burned hair and beard. when gord's awake again he's just "Dude it'll grow back, don't worry." "i knooowwww but it still sucks. your hair was SO pretty. and you look like a sixteen-year-old without facial hair. kinda weird. babyfaceman." "WOW shut up."). when gord's awake and aware enough again, they all have a sit down and get an explanation from him and benb. benb goes on to basically give a summary of his whole backstory; explain what exactly he his and how he got to earth, and what he was trying to do both at the b'mesa base and that first norwegian base he first thawed out in. when he gets to the part about why he never wanted to hurt the sciteam, that does a pretty good job of warming them up to him. "the thing about that frzn guy is he was a total asshole. HUGE douche canoe. and i was like 'maaaan i don't wanna be this guy, he suuuuucks', but then i noticed that he'd hardly ever interacted with anybody else there. new guy on the base. nobody knew him, or knew what he was like. so i figured i could get away with acting like myself instead of him, and nobody would notice. i've never been able to just be me around other people, only when alone. i didn't really... know how it was gonna turn out. but you guys ended up liking me! you invited me to come hang out on breaks, and play video games, and watch movies, and talk about soda and photography and it was fun and nice and good! you were nice to my dog body, too. giving me a name and everything... you're all great cools. i got attached to you guys. like, super attached. didn't wanna hurt you, ever. 's the reason i never touched the sled dogs, too- i knew tommy would be sad if something happened to the dogs, and i didn't wanna make him sad." (bubs probably acts like he's not touched by that, but he is :B and also, like i've said in a post on my main, bubs feels some sympathy towards benb after hearing about his origins as an unethical science experiment. bubs wasn't grown in a lab in this au, but he was still subjected to some painful "knowledge tubes" experiments due to his contract with b'mesa. so he still knows that feel, bro. unwilling lab rat solidarity.) benb apologizes for everything in antarctica, and bubs apologizes for torching gord, but then the team asks what the fuck? happened in the desert?? and gord explains the "one-sided tag" game they do to help benb burn up energy, and that benb was just carrying gord to let him rest from the run on the way back to the car. ("Carrying you in his stomach, though?" "nah i don't put him where food goes. it's the uhhhh *lip smack* nap organ. custom made for sleeping in. bedry time.") (they also at one point explain "also we're dating" to which gord gets accused of being a monsterfucker ha ha. and then benb's like "ew no i'm ace" and harold goes on about how beautiful interracial young love is.)

[gregorygrim]

Dragon Prince Hot Takes

!!! Full Spoiler For “The Dragon Prince” Seasons 1-3!!!

So I finally got around to watching The Dragon Prince. Timely, I know, but better late than never i guess. I’m not completely caught up yet as I only got as far as S3E7 “Hearts of Cinder” in this first sitting. Considering I haven’t binged any series in almost two years, I think that’s pretty respectable. This means I won’t discuss the last few episodes here, except for a couple of things I was unfortunately spoiled for already, hence full spoilers.

These are basically my first thoughts and opinions after the binge and a good night’s sleep. It’s gonna be a lot so if you don’t care or don’t want spoilers…

TL;DR: 7½/10. Generally enjoyable, there are some aspects I’m not exactly fan of, but no dealbreakers

Firstly to everyone who told me that this was the new ATLA: you all need to rewatch Avatar stat! Like seriously. There are definitely parallels and given the cast and crew I think that’s what they were going for too (which is why I think it’s fair to compare the two), but still, no.

Secondly I love most of the worldbuilding and love that the series at least tries to give it to us in a bit of a non-linear fashion, even if it is kind of clumsy at times. I know some people are put off by expository dialogue and flashbacks, but I’m an epic fantasy nerd, I need that sweet, sweet lore to live as much as you mortals need food.

I like that there was clearly an effort made to integrate the worldbuilding in more subtle ways. For example you may initially find it kind of weird that all these different human ethnicities are existing perfectly integrated in what looks like a medieval society, until you remember from the opening monologue that the Human Kingdoms are the result of a massive diaspora following the human exodus from Xadia, so obviously people got all mixed up everywhere. It’s representation with an excellent in-world reason and that just brings me joy.

I also love the magic system(s) even though we haven’t really gone into that just yet. it really feels like there was a genuine effort made to create underlying mechanics for the magic rather than just making each spell a vaguely elemental themed ability. I really hope we’ll dive deeper into that in coming seasons.

I also like the little nods to other works of fantasy: Ezran’s ability to talk with animals is a reference to Tolkien’s world where some royal bloodlines had the ability to speak with animals, specifically birds; Primal Magic and its spells being cast with Ancient Draconic runes and words might be reminiscent of the Ancient Language from the Inheritance Cycle etc.

Thirdly the main cast is great. Callum, Ezran and Rayla are all interesting and relatable characters in their own right and as a group. I’m not going into each of them individually here, but while I think the series as a whole falls short of ATLA, as protagonist parties go I dare say this one is nearly on nearly on par with the gAang.¹

And yes, I love Bait, which I really did not expect following the first few episodes. I love his weird pug-toad-chameleon design, I love that he works like a flashbang whenever somebody says a quote from Scarface (I wish they hadn’t dropped that later on) and I love how done he is with everything and everyone at all times. I’ve only had him for 25 episodes, but if anything happened to him I would kill all of my followers and then myself.

On top of that, and speaking as someone who god knows is really not into shipping, I love Rayla and Callum’s relationship. It’s believable, it’s refreshing and it brings out the best in both characters without changing basically anything about them. Just two good friends who fell in love. A++, maybe even S tier.

Unfortunately though I can’t sing the same kind of praises about the villains. None of them are terrible (as in terribly written, most of them are pretty awful people), but with one exception they just don’t stand up to the protagonists in quality.

I could simply not take Viren seriously. Even now that is probably the single most powerful magic user in the world, he just has such strong Karen energy, every time he finishes a speech I am overcome with the urge to say “Sir, this is a Wendy’s” and it does not help the mood. I’m not even sure why. It might’ve been the voice because the guy who did Viren (Jason Simpson) also does a lot of kinda slimy characters in various anime dubs, it might be that over-the-top walking stick, idk.

What I’m saying is that as a primary antagonist he simply did not work for me. Which is doubly a shame because this kind of tarnishes the real “Big Bad” of this story by proxy. Aaravos, even as an invisible ghost, with his voice coming out of a caterpillar and next to no info on his backstory, has more style and gravity than all the human antagonists combined. It helps that he is by far the best designed character and Erik Dellums has the voice of a young god, but I’d argue even without that unfair advantage he has the potential to be a top tier villain. While he is stuck as Viren’s “little bug-pal” though he is just being dragged down.

(I’m aware that as of the final episode the caterpillar familiar is undergoing metamorphosis, probably to create a new body for Aaravos’ spirit to inhabit outside of the magic mirror, so I’m definitely hyped for more of him in the coming seasons.)

As for Soren and Claudia, I’ve got mixed feelings. This was one more aspect of the show that a lot of people compared to Avatar and while I see the parallels to Zuko & Azula, they are still very different, at least where Claudia is concerned. I’d also just like to mention that a lot of people told me that they thought the direction in which their storylines went were really surprising and I can’t disagree more. I predicted that Soren would defect to the protagonists on episode 5 right after Viren told him to kill the princes and I knew Claudia was going to stick with her father from episode 12 onward. My point is, it didn’t feel like some kind of plot twist, the way some people made it out to be, and which I don’t think was the intent.

I definitely got the sense that Soren was at least a Zuko-type character, though still not a Zuko clone, and as with Zuko I was consistently able to empathise and sympathise with him and his predicaments. I also appreciated that his dilemma is the result of his convictions and not him being kind of dense, which would’ve been all to easy and probably would’ve ruined his character for me. As it stands he is extremely milktoast, but perfectly functional for his purpose in the story and I can definitely see him evolving further and getting more interesting as we go on.

Claudia is where it gets complicated. Again, I can see the Azula parallels. But unlike that character, who is her father’s animal 110%, Claudia doesn’t strike me as a victim of Viren’s manipulation the way Soren undoubtably is. The way she talks about and uses Dark Magic, how she talks down to Soren and how even Viren finds it difficult to communicate with her, tells me as an audience member that she is an independent person. Which tells me that the cruelty and enthusiasm for causing harm she regularly displays is her own will. And that was before she straight up leads Callum on to manipulate him.

On the other hand I can absolutely relate to her devotion to her family, her big sister role (even though she is younger than Soren) and the way both the separation of her parents before the story and Soren’s injury in episode 16 must’ve affected her because of this. I know that, if my brother had become paralysed from the neck down and I knew a way to heal him, I would not have hesitated to kill that fawn either. Then again her relationship with her father is very different from parental relationships I am familiar with, so I can’t really say I see why she is so devoted to him, other than she promised her mother to stay with him years ago? ¯\(o_Ō)/¯

So basically Claudia falls into an emotional grey space for me. I can’t really tell how to feel about her either way and I’ll just have to see where she goes from here, which, while fine, isn’t necessarily great for an end of season cliffhanger imo.

Seeing as I’ve already talked about some of the show’s shortcomings, I think it’s time to dive into some of the what I would consider flaws.

Firstly this show needed at least 12 episode seasons. I have never made a secret out of my dislike for the modern short seasons and while I recognise that in the current climate in the industry giving everything full 25 episode seasons isn’t really doable, the pacing of this show, especially for the first season is just outright bad at times. It works as of the second season, but the first season alternately feels like it’s either rushing through or crawling along the whole way through.

The believability of Rayla’s and the princes’ relationship really suffers from this the most. It comes a bit out of nowhere on the boat ride and is then taken for granted way to quickly. Like Callum, seriously, this girl tried to kill you and your brother not even a day ago and you are currently cut off from all allies you have ever had until now. A little skepticism isn’t misplaced here. I also wold’ve liked if we’d just gotten a bit more of a sense of movement with the characters. I get that this is not the kind of show where we can just make an entire episode about the characters travelling and camping, intercut with plots centred around a more expansive supporting cast, but still I really would’ve preferred if Xadia didn’t feel quite so around the corner.

Another issue is with setup and payoff, which I think is partially a consequence of the pacing as well. A lot of smaller plot points are set up within the same episode as the payoff just wreak havoc on the narrative structure. A good example is the episode where they ride down the river in a boat and Bait tires to go into the water, but is saved by Ezran, who then explains the story behind Glowtoads and how they are pefect bait for large water predators. Then Bait falls into the water and is attacked by a massive water monster. This happens within five minutes of one episode and never comes up again. To me that looks like sign of rushed editing, which is probably not entirely the crew’s fault, given that they are on a schedule from Netflix, but it’s still a point of critique.

It unfortunately also manifests in the occasional line of horribly forced dialogue, often for things we can literally see happening on screen. Again, this is mostly the case in the earlier episodes, but it never completely goes away.

Finally, and this is where i get into serious issues that made me want to write this, we gotta talk about representation in this show.

First: disabled representation, meaning Amaya. Why is Amaya deaf? Because it’s good to have disabled representation.

Why is Amaya deaf and a high-ranking military officer? Because they didn’t think it through.

I know this may be a contentious opinion, but it is my belief that the purpose of representation, particularly of disabilities characters may suffer from, in fiction is to, y’know, represent people as they are in life. That includes especially the struggles they face and have to overcome, sometimes their whole life. This is not just me talking out of my ass either. A couple years ago I discussed this with several people that are disabled, specifically blind or otherwise severely visually impaired, in a different context obviously, and the general consensus was that it’s better to have representation that shows their life and their abilities as they are, rather than how they might wish they could be.

A mute or deaf person cannot be a medieval fantasy army general, no matter how good they might be in melee combat or who’s sister they are, because at the end of the day, they’re not able to give commands while they are holding a sword and shield. That such a massive logical oversight, especially in comparison to the extremely well done example of representation I mentioned above, and has so little impact on the plot that it leads me to believe, this aspect of Amaya’s character was tacked on in the last minute without being given any thought for the sole reason of the story having a disabled person in it. All this does is necessitate the existence of two otherwise entirely unnecessary characters, Gren and Kazi, both of which achieve nothing, aside from sometimes being literal set dressing.

That is where representation ends and tokenism begins.

And unfortunately this generally lacklustre attitude also extends to the LGBT+ representation on the show.

As of S3E7 “Hearts of Cinder” we have had two onscreen gay couples on the show (onscreen in the sense that both partners were onscreen and they were somehow confirmed to be in a relationship on the show). One of these, the queens of Duren, literally die in the same flashback they are introduced in, which incidentally also features them invading a foreign nation to poach a rare animal and subsequently starting the conflict at the series’ core. Not a great look.

Aside from serving as a tragic backstory for their daughter, the most impact they had on my viewing experience was that they made wonder how the fuck royal succession works in Duren. (People who know me are rolling their eyes right now because I’m bringing anarchism into this Dragon Prince review, but I’m telling you, this why fantasy monarchies aren’t compatible with LGBT+ politics in the same setting. Dynastic governments are inherently bigoted, you can’t have it both ways.)

The other couple are Runaan and Ethari, Rayla’s caretakers, although if I’m being honest you wouldn’t be able tell based on Runaan’s treatment of Rayla in the first episode. By the time we actually meet Ethari and find out about their relationship with Rayla, Runaan is suffering “a fate worse than death” (direct quote from the show) trapped in a gold coin.

I mean come on. That’s about as “technically not ‘bury your gays’” as it gets.

I think I need to reiterate here that my point is not that this show or its creators are somehow malicious. As i stated in the TL;DR: I don’t think this is a dealbreaker for liking this show. But it does demonstrate that they are prone to slipping to some potentially harmful tropes and this needs to be criticised and pointed out to them.

In conclusion, I really love this show. It’s not ATLA, it never will be, nothing else will ever be ATLA no matter how badly (and terribly) Netflix tries. But it does and should not have to be.

What it has to do though is improve. A lot of the building blocks are already there, such as Aaravos or Claudia’s development, Callum’s father, the origin of Ezran’s ability, the purpose of the “Key of Aaravos”, the true fate of King Harrow (we all know his soul is in the bird, right?) etc. Some things like the treatment of Amaya’s disability unfortunately won’t be fixable as far as I can tell, but if they at least manage to fix the gay representation I can make my peace with that.

¹ I know I said I wouldn’t go into each of the characters individually, but a) you should never trust a stranger on the internet and b) I really want to talk a bit about Callum. Specifically the “mystery” of why the hell he is connected to the Sky Primal. I write “mystery” because I think it’s fairly obvious from whence this talent came: there is only one humanoid species we know of with innate access to the Sky Arcanum and one of Callum’s parent’s is unidentified, presumed dead. 2+2=4. Callum’s father was a Skywing Elf. That’s why he recognised Nyx’s boomerang weapon. He remembered one like it either from his very early childhood (remember that he has photographic memory) or Sarai kept one and he found it at some point.

On top of that the name “Callum” or at least the pronunciation is clearly derived from Latin “caelum” meaning “sky” or “weather” and I already mentioned that Ancient Draconic is just bad Latin. It’s not very subtle. Unless they pull a complete 180 concerning the lore about Primal Magic he’s definitely going to be a half-elf, which would also just so happen to make him the perfect mediator between the Human Kingdoms and Xadia. Hmm, it’s almost as if they are planning ahead.

My question: How the fuck did that happen? Or rather: how did that fuck happen? I don’t think even Harrow knew or he probably would’ve a) paid more attention when Sarai advised against poaching the Magma Titan, because obviously she’s gotten around Xadia more than him, if y’know what i’m sayin’ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) or at least b) put it in his final letter to Callum. Unfortunately we know basically nothing about Sarai except that she was a soldier alongside Amaya and already had Callum before marrying Harrow. So does Amaya know? This is probably the most interesting plot thread in the whole story and as far as my friends told me it’s not going to be touched on anymore in the last two episodes than it already has thus far, which is basically not at all.

[tinycaprisun]

a song about it raining somewhere else

title: a song about it raining somewhere else characters: chuck taylor x trent beretta word count: 3822 part: 1/1 warnings: mild cursing, and like that’s kinda it? maybe mild angst? but also i’m a baby and it becomes fluff by the end? a/n: howdy, this is not another i’m back i’m back piece as much as it honestly is. no, see this time- this is actually a gift! 2 days ago was @trentjinshi’s birthday and i wanted to write him something! so i sat down for like 6 hours with my goopy goblin gay brain and spit out this obvious magnum opus. so, like, don’t hate it please. also hugest happy birthday to emil again!! yeehaw... i’ve technically already sent this to u

You know, of all days to have the soul crushing realization that you’ve secretly been in love with your best friend, Trent should have expected it to happen on Valentine’s Day.

The man had garbage luck anyways, and good things seemingly never happened to him. So when Chuck animatedly told him he had a date that night with some girl, Trent’s heart shouldn’t have blown apart like he had been shot. Sure, he pretended to be supportive of his buddy, returning his radiant smile despite the effect never reaching his eyes, And yeah, he wished him all the best, telling the taller man he hoped it went well.

But did Trent mean any of that? Fuck no! He was dying on the inside, mourning the loss of a relationship and love he didn’t even know he wanted! Perhaps he should have considered himself lucky that he didn’t start bawling his eyes out on the spot. The New Yorker had a tendency to wear his heart on his sleeve, so the crying really was not out of the question at that moment. But he contained his feelings somehow, moving on through the rest of that afternoon like he was trudging through a snowstorm. Slow, cold, and slowly dying from the inside out.

So that led him here, sitting in his car as the rain started to come down, refusing to turn the damn thing on. He didn’t want to go back to his hotel room. Because if he did, it would remind him of the obvious. He went home alone tonight.

Chuck wasn’t alone. His friend had a probably beautiful person with a perfect personality sitting across from him at a fancy restaurant. A person who wasn’t him. Why couldn’t Trent be his perfect date? He would laugh at his jokes, softly hold his hand as they walked in from the parking lot, pull his chair out for him, admire him like he was the sun-

A harsh banging came from his left, rhythmically tapping against the glass of his car window in time with the rain drops. Trent’s head jerked up from where it had defeatedly slumped against the steering wheel to see who was trying to get his attention.

It was a security guard, holding an umbrella in one hand and wavering him off with another, politely telling him to leave the premises as the arena building they were at was closing. To be honest, getting a ticket from not leaving and instead rotting in that parking lot forever sounded like a far better time than he was having. But, he didn’t have a choice. Story of his life.

Trent started up his car, quickly leaving off into the vast night with only his thoughts to keep him company. And that was rapidly becoming annoying. The singular thing on his mind was one person, and how all this time, his feelings were so obvious. Every time he even glanced in his friend’s direction his heart rate would spike. Before now, he had chalked that up to coincidence or - considering it was Trent and how his body loved to torture him - underlying health conditions. Evidently, it was neither of those things.

One would think he would catch on to his festering crush sooner; considering he thought the entire world of Chuck and whenever he had to go more than a few days without seeing him, he would get a weird sense of longing to be back in his presence, but nothing ever wanted to work out that way. Life thought it would be much funnier if Trent felt like he was being ripped apart at the seams by a simple sentence.

Between the still processing of what it even meant to have a crush on your best friend, and knowing that right now he was out with some other person having the time of his life, Trent was not feeling great as he drove down the freeway. Grumbling under his breath, he flicked the radio on to fill the car with something other than his problems. A song the brunette had never heard before crackled to life, being about part of the way through.

By the time we get there, everybody will be drunk The chairs will be on tables and the band will be unplugged We're gonna look real good, but we're gonna look real rude I'm sorry I'm not sorry that I'm-

Fucking perfect! The last person to mess with the radio in Trent’s car was Chuck, and bastard left it on one of his stupid country stations. Trent didn’t even like country music! That didn’t stop him, however, from a few days ago when they were driving from city to city and let Chuck put on whatever he liked, even if it was something he was going to hate. He would make tiny sacrifices like that all the time for his partner, because he knew it would earn him one of those sunlit smiles. Trent really would do anything to make Chuck happy, and had been since they met.

Late to the party with you Oh, who needs confetti? We're already falling into the groove And who needs a crowd when you're happy at a party for two? The world can wait 'Cause I'm never late to the party if I'm late to the party with you

It... It was a love song?

“Throw me off a fucking bridge.” Trent mumbled to himself as he exited an off ramp. Seriously, who out there was tormenting him and making him have possibly the worst day ever? What omnipotent being did he piss off? He thought he was an alright dude, not getting into other people’s business and sort of keeping to himself. Most days he made an attempt to be somewhat nice to others and never did any of that vile or cruel shit. And yet, he was cursed to drive home while listening to a love song in a genre that he hated, and only helped to remind him more of his best friend.

Let's promise when we get in that we'll try to get right out Fake a couple conversations, make the necessary rounds These kinda things just turn into "Who's leaving here with who?" But I just want 'em all to see me come in late to the party with you

Wasn’t that a funny line. Wanting others to see the person you’re with because of how much you loved them? Trent understood that. Whenever he would go anywhere with Chuck, he would always want people to know he was there with him- whether he realized it or not.

He could talk for hours about him. It could be the simple telling of a funny story, or gushing about how good he was in the ring. Or how great of a friend he was. That made Trent wonder about what Chuck would be like if they were together. His mind wandered, dreaming up scenarios and infinite possibilities as he pulled into his hotel’s parking garage.

The musing didn’t stop when he killed the engine, happily ending that fucking song that was starting to piss him off with how cute it was. Trent pushed himself out of the car, gathering his singular bag from the trunk and wandering inside through the rain. Which, if anyone was curious, was even worse than it was when he left. It was coming down in buckets now, being slung into the New Yorker’s face by the wind.

Checking in was easy enough, having the briefest of conversations with the man at the desk who happened to have a thick southern accent.

Chuck had an accent, but only when he drank a lot. It took about 3 and a half beers for it to come out, but by that point he didn’t care all that much to hide it. He wouldn’t be trashed, as he was a pretty solid drinker and had made putting strong shit back a hobby over the last few years. Trent knew exactly how it sounded, though. A smooth Kentucky accent that always caused him to punctuate the last word of his sentences and pronounce certain things differently. Never anything like “y’all” or something southern like that, after all Chuck wasn’t that dime store cowboy they worked with.

The thing Trent remembered the most about Chuck’s accent was how he said his name. He would draw it out, almost like he was whining, except it was low in his voice and always accompanied by a wide grin. One that’s toothy like Cheshire Cat, and annoyingly sweet like bubblegum. Trent idly wondered if he tasted like bubblegum too, but the thought turned vivid fantasy was interrupted for a moment by the elevator reaching his floor.

The brunette slowly approached his room, still partially entranced by the ideas he had created in his mind as he unlocked his door and slipped in. From there, it felt like he wasn’t even alive anymore. Not in a morbid sense, but as in he wasn’t participating in the concept of reality at that moment. Trent was so disconnected from his actions, it was almost as though he was outside of his body and looking in from somewhere else. So much so, that when he snapped out of his revere from his phone buzzing, he was lying in bed wearing only his boxers.

Not that what was on his phone was of any importance to him. All Trent saw were notifications for things he didn’t care about, the only thing sticking out was a short text from Orange sending him more condolences over his current “issue”. Damn, he was acting like someone had died, not his friend’s heart being broken. Trent didn’t bother responding, tossing the device back on the bedside table and rolling over to face away from it.

The alarm clock on the other stand read “10:17 p.m.”, blinking at him like the piece of shit was broken. It also only now occurred to Trent that he had never turned the lights on while he was basically astral projecting. So he was bathed in darkness, with the only illumination being that digital clock and the street lights below outside the window.

Was he going to fall asleep at a respectable time? Because deep in his bones he could feel the shroud of tiredness creeping through him from all of the emotional energy he drained today. And with that, Trent grabbed one of the unused pillows and wrapped himself around it, cuddling it tightly and not bothering to get under the bed covers.

Maybe if he tried hard enough, Trent could pretend the pillow was something else. --

Who in the hell was knocking at his door at - the New Yorker stopped his angry brain tirade to peek at the clock again - 11:53 at night? He had only gotten to sleep an hour and it was cut short by who knew what. If this was Orange coming to tell him he had broken another hotel microwave by “forgetting to take the metal spoon out of his mac and cheese”, Trent was going to fucking kill him.

Getting up from where he lay, Trent stumbled blearily across the room to the door. In those few seconds, it processed with him that his hair must have come untied while he was sleeping because it was messily draped around his shoulders. Among that, he was still only dressed in boxers, riding rather low on his hips. Maybe he had a restless sleep even though it was quick?

He didn’t care what he looked like though as he slowly pulled the door open with a yawn and blinked from the harsh light flooding in from the hallway. Trent prepared to open his mouth and berate his shorter friend when he heard a sniffle come from in front of him.

Chuck was standing on the other side of the doorway, soaking wet from the rain. By the look on his face, it seemed as though he had been crying as well, with red eyes and a running nose. His eyes didn’t meet Trent’s as he all but whispered, “H-hey, man.”

Did the longer haired brunette care that his friend was ice cold and drenched from head to toe? No. That was why without words, he dragged his friend into the room and hugged him tightly, letting the hotel door slip closed on its own. Chuck didn’t need to be told twice to hug back, nearly crushing Trent from the strength of his shaking arms.

They stayed like that for a good while, with Trent rubbing soothing circles into his back and letting him rest his head on his shoulder when he began to weep again. That was before he slowly drew back, silently taking Chuck’s hand and guiding him to his bed so he could sit. Trent grabbed the comforter and wrapped it around his friend, figuring he could just use a blanket later when he needed to sleep.

“I... didn’t even tell you- what’s wrong..?” murmured the Kentuckian, slouching in on himself and bringing his knees up so they were closer to his chest. He must have been really cold. Trent paused for a moment, looking with a pained yet sympathetic smile.

“Don’t need to. You’re upset, and I gotta fix that.” He wasn’t sure who hurt him, or even what, but just let it be known he was going to destroy whatever it was.

“Well, uh, t-thank you?”

“Yeah, dude. I-” Love you. “Care about you. You’re my friend and shit. Hurts to see you cry.” With that, Trent carefully maneuvered around Chuck and hopped off the bed to go rifle through his clothes for something dry he could wear. And- probably some pants for himself. When he first opened the door, he couldn’t help but notice Chuck gave him the slightest look up and down, with his cheeks going red afterwards. Trent assumed it was only because he was cold, and the warmth from his bedroom had fucked with his internal body temperature.

While digging through his bags trying to find some of the clothes he always packed for his friend - and if it were any other day than today, Trent would have told you it was because he was just being a nice guy. He knew better than that now. - Chuck began to talk again. “Date ditched me...”

“They didn’t show up?”

Chuck sighed. “No, she did. But- when her ex came around... She would’a rather been with him.”

Trent grabbed the extra clothes and stood, turning around to face Chuck who was staring off into the corner. Considering how already destroyed his heart already was from earlier, he was a bit surprised it still had a few more pieces that could shatter at this sight. Coming back over, he set the pile to one side of him, then sat back down on the other. “Chuck...”

“I don’t know what I expected? Every girl, or hell- every guy, I’ve ever tried to date has never worked out for me. I don’t get it.” Oh, Trent should not have been so happy to hear those words. Well, he wasn’t happy to hear most of them, and was hurting for his friend, but two of them in particular stuck out to him like a sore thumb. Every guy. That meant Chuck had been on dates with men. That meant, even though it was fucked up to think about this at the moment, that Trent still had a chance.

“You just haven’t found the right one, man. None of those assholes from before deserve you anyways.” Chuck brought his gaze back over to Trent, eyes glassy and expression- disbelieving. His hair was matted to his head, still wet in some places, but mostly stuck in small spots to his forehead. Everything else about him was still about the same caliber as that, slowly drying and clinging to parts of his body that weren’t being disrupted by the comforter.

“Or maybe I didn’t deserve them...” Something- came over Trent then. There wasn’t a word for the mix of emotions he felt upon hearing that. But what he could feel were his hands taking either side of his best friend’s face and holding his head up to where he would look him in the eyes.

“That’s not true, you and I both know that. Anyone in the world would be lucky to have you.”

Chuck honest to god laughed at that and tilted his head. “Name one person.”

Fuck. For all intents and purposes, the answer he desperately wanted to give was ‘Me’, but that never came out of his mouth. Instead, it was like Trent was suspended in fear, unable to say what he wanted for the thought of being rejected. Or somehow even worse, him thinking it was a joke and getting upset with him. So, Trent said nothing, trying to think of a different response that would be true, but didn’t give himself away.

That was the nail in the coffin, though. Chuck took his silence as an answer, unable to provide a single person who could possibly want to be with him. The other man shook Trent’s hands away from his face, hurt welling up in his eyes with a grimace as he moved to grab the clothes that were gotten for him.

“See,” Chuck hobbled to a standing position, holding the clean garments close to his sodden chest like it was going to protect him from the pain he was feeling. Trent, just say something, anything, he yelled to himself whilst watching Chuck shuffle over to the bathroom and pull the door open. He flicked his eyes down to the floor for a moment before coming back up and locking onto Trent’s. “No one could ever love me...”

“Chuck-” Trent was too late, Chuck had already disappeared into the bathroom and locked the door behind him. And God damn it, his stomach had sunk to the depth of his being, twisting and turning like he was going to be sick. He should have said something. Even if it meant ruining the only thing he really had left to care about. There was his job, his other friends, his family and that; and while they meant a lot to him as well, he truly believed in that moment, and probably for some while now, that Chuck was his world.

As goofy and kind of bullshit as it was to hear, that’s what he felt like. That this guy he’s known for a good chunk of his life was his sun, moon, and every star in the sky. And Trent knew he’s never felt that way about another person. He knew that no other person on this Earth - or fuck, any other planet - could beam at him when they pull an upset and win a match together like he could. No one else made his chest feel warm whenever they complimented him quite the same way that Chuck did. There wasn’t a soul who had the same giggle, the wit, the determination, the personality- fucking any of it. No one had quite what his best friend had, and that was why he loved him.

Trent had no idea how long Chuck was going to be in there, or if he was ever going to come out. Knowing him, he could stay in there all night, not wanting to face the world again- let alone his friend. Even still, he got up from where he was and placed himself a few paces away from his bathroom door. Within his head, he hyped himself up, vowing that no matter if he got scared or felt like everything was going to go wrong, the New Yorker was going to tell him the truth.

Approximately 4 minutes later - if you asked Trent it felt like 10 years - Chuck finally emerged from his hiding place, dressed in some of his friend’s clothes and with shockingly drier hair. Not sure why he was so surprised that he had run a towel through it or something, but that didn’t matter. The taller man seemed confused as to why Trent was standing at the door, but before he could ask what was happening, Trent said, “I do.”

Chuck squinted at him with a, “What?” but it came out choked off and shaky, like he wasn’t prepared to speak.

“You said no one could ever love you, and that’s not true. Because I love you,” He wanted to protest, but now that Trent was talking, he couldn’t stop. “And I didn’t realize it until today, but I seriously am so in love with you that I don’t think I could picture my life without you. You mean everything to me and I would do anything for you just to see your beautiful smile or hear you say my name. And I know it sounds like I’m lying and that I’m trying to make you feel better, but I’m not. If I think about it, I feel like I’ve loved you forever but never realized it, and I wish I could have known sooner. Because you need to know that you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met, and I would be the luckiest guy in the world to even have a chance with you-”

“Trent-”

“I love the way you purposefully send me a string of those stupid emojis over text because you know it annoys me. I love how you can make anyone feel better with just one smile and your passion for loving others. I love how much you love animals and how every dog you see, you consider kidnapping-'' Trent had become so caught up in his declaration that he hadn’t noticed his friend had moved from in front of him and Chuck’s lips were on his.

Before he could even do anything; not even get a gasp at the sudden action, Chuck was already pulling away, breathing as if he had just run a mile. His face was bright red and his hands were holding either of Trent’s arms as he searched his face for a reaction. Or anything really.

“I- I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-” It felt as though Trent was living in one of those shitty romantic comedies he secretly liked to watch, because he was the one who cut Chuck off while speaking with an somehow even more desperate kiss. He felt him respond almost instant, bringing one of his hands up to Trent’s face to cup it gently as his own arms latched cautiously onto Chuck’s hips. And that was where they stayed, for who knew how long, but every second of it was exactly where they wanted to be.

You know, of all days to have the life-changing realization that you’re secretly in love with your best friend, Trent - and Chuck for that matter - hadn’t expected it to happen on (the day after) Valentine’s Day.

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2020

You know, when I finished my latest list and realised every decade had the same pattern and that we were slowly going towards a series of great years for pop, I didn’t realise how good that year would be.

What’s at the top? Am I boringly predictable because I already said I loved that song all the way back in January 2020? Let’s find out.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will probably be stuff in French somewhere on this post. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

So. Uh. How was your 2020?

Mine was actually surprisingly good, considering. I’m lucky enough to have a job that I can partially do from home, and I was extremely paranoid from the get-go and nobody got sick under this roof so far. Turns out I’m even better at my job from home and I got permission to work from home one day per week even after the health crisis is over! My first name was also finally officially approved and I can’t tell you how happy I feel about that. I almost feel bad to have had such a good year considering the circumstances. I feel like an asshole just because I’m happy, haha.

The only frustrating part was that I was supposed to see Hatari in concert in Paris in early April which, as you can guess, was cancelled. I’m not too mad about it though, since their tour was called “Europe will crumble” and the message saying the tour was cancelled started with “since Europe is actually crumbling due to Covid-19″ and that’s hysterical.

Good or interesting albums that came out in 2020 now, let’s see.

Nightwish released Human/Nature, which was a huge letdown compared to their previous album, but I will relisten to it at some point to make sure I wasn’t just in a bad mood that day.

The Birthday Massacre released Diamonds, which might be their weakest album since their debut, but contained some real gems (I listened to The Last Goodbye on a loop, it floored me. Flashback and Enter are also very good).

The 1975 released Notes On A Conditional Form, and let’s be real, it’s a f█cking mess. You could cut half the tracks and end up with an excellent album, but as it is it’s like, yes, a collection of notes ; however there’s some truely excellent shit on it (see unelligible songs).

Thanks to a friend on a discord server I was exposed to Dorian Electra’s music and I haven’t been quite the same ever since. I’m so happy to be alive to see other enbies making such great music with an insanely good aesthetic surrounding it and asking so many interesting questions about gender. Also the arc the ‘gentleman’ character goes through over the course of the entire tracklist of the 2020 My Agenda album is absolutely hilarious, don’t @ me.

I also discovered 100 Gecs this year. Why are most of you guys saying it’s unlistenable garbage. It’s just as abrasive and over the top as industrial music is, but with none of the edginess or drama. I love it. What the hell. But yeah Tree of Clues was released this year. Good.

Speaking of industrial, in March 2020 Nine Inch Nails were like “hey remember when we released Ghosts I-IV a decade ago entirely for free and how amazing that was? Well we’re all in lockdown and bored as hell so here’s Ghosts V-VI and it’s also free. Enjoy” and I f█cking died instantly. And it’s even better than I-IV. What the hell was that year

Jonsi released Shiver. It’s strange and highly experimental. I’m pretty sure it’s a good thing I was into hyperpop this year, otherwise going from his previous material straight to this album would have been brutal.

Yadda yadda yadda After Hours by the Weeknd good yadda yadda.

I’ve joked about that already but if you had told me in 2019 that 2020 would have fires, a pandemic, riots, monoliths appearing and disappearing, and also a super good Machine Gun Kelly album, guess which part I would have found the most ridiculous. But yeah uh. Tickets to my Downfall good

So uh this year I tried to listen to some hyperpop and liked it a lot, and I also dipped my toes timidly into screamo and listened to Svalbard, who released When I Die this year, and the entire album was a very beautiful, very intricately decorated punch to the face. It sounds like God Is An Astronaut except with a shit ton of yelling. I love it. Open Wound is my favorite track on it.

But no, despite all of this, my album of the year was from a band I had never even heard about before that year, called Spanish Love Songs. The album is titled Brave Faces Everyone and it’s line after line after line of extremely relatable generational angst but yelled with complete sincerity and it’s so propulsive and energetic you can’t help but feel both exhausted and ready to fight the entire universe. I don’t know how it works, but it’s incredible. The entire album is wonderfully brutal, so it’s kind of difficult to pick my favorite songs on it, but Beachfront Property and the title track stand out.

Unelligible songs, now, and there’s, uh, quite a few of them too so I’m also gonna use bullet points. Good lord this post is gonna be long.

First, let me say I have literally no idea why Midnight Sky by Miley Cyrus wasn’t a bigger hit. It’s not on the year-end US top 100 and it feels extremely wrong. Would have made it to #4 on this list otherwise.

I still entertain the vague hope that stuff from Machine Gun Kelly will chart higher in 2021 but I doubt it will happen so I might as well tackle it now and say that Bloody Valentine and especially Forget Me Too are both excellent and that it’s a shame radios aren’t playing them more often.

Heaven by the late Avicii featuring Coldplay should have charted in 2019 and still didn’t chart in 2020 and that’s a real shame.

If the world was a bit less unfair, Lovesick Girls by Blackpink would have been a hit rather than the awful Ice Cream.

One day I will stop complaining about my bafflement concerning the lack of mainstream pop charts success of The 1975. Today is not that day. I just love how they keep making songs about extremely awkward relationships full of weird details, and I haven’t grown tired of that yet. So yeah If You’re Too Shy is about a guy who’s crush is asking him to get naked on Skype in his hotel room and he’s, uh, not too sure about that idea.

And Me & You Together is about a guy who never finds the right moment to tell his best friend he’s in love with her, and he manages to do so at the end and it’s cute as hell. My fave part is “I'm sorry that I'm kinda queer / It's not as weird as it appears / It's 'cause my body doesn't stop me (Stop me) / Oh, it's okay, lots of people think I'm gay / But we're friends, so it's cool, why would it not be?”. Relatable as f█ck.

And now for an international hit that should have been bigger in the US and/or in my country but wasn’t: Head & Heart by Joel Corry and MNEK.

I’ve heard Nos Célébrations by Indochine extremely often on French radio for months now so I was very surprised to see that it didn’t crack the local year-end list. What happened.

I can finally hear the appeal of Bring Me The Horizon. It took me ages. And also Death Stranding. The song Ludens isn’t in the game per say, but it’s among the ones you can pick to broadcast briefly when people drive by your constructions, and long story short it's been living rent-free in my head for months now.

Phew.

It’s time for a round of Honorable Mentions for elligible songs, containing a couple of guilty pleasures, which is saying something considering the kind of shit I put on some of my previous lists.

Ne Reviens Pas (Gradur et Heuss l’Enfoiré) - Heuss is a French artist that kept baffling me while making my lists for the previous years, and I was like “??? ok, that’s it then, I guess I’m getting too old to get what teenagers find funny”. This one worked for me, though. And the music video doesn’t hurt. Really dumb and really fun.

Adore You (Harry Styles) - Perfectly good little pop song, very pleasant to listen to, never outstayed its welcome for me.

Mood (24kGoldn) - This doesn’t sound like a very good relationship, my dude, but that’s still a super pleasant song.

WAP (Cardi B & Megan Thee Stallion) - This song is absolutely hilarious and I will hear no argument from any of you.

Control (Zoe Wees) - Was clearly a hit here. Should have been even bigger though. What a powerful but comfy voice. If I had better taste it would be on the list.

Hot Girl Bummer (Blackbear) - I. Uh. Listen. I keep saying I have bad taste and nobody believes me. Do you believe me now. But yeah. “F█ck you, and you, and you~, I hate your friends and they hate me too” is gonna pop in my head every single time someone is being a jerk anywhere near me now. It’s been happening all year already. Someone trashed my documents at work? Someone isn’t wearing a mask in public? That guy has filled his car with rolls of toilet paper? Brain goes “F█ck you, and you, and you~”. Every. Single. Time.

Come & Go (Juice WRLD & Marshmello ) - Damn, that’s a pretty good little song. I’ve seen plenty of people saying it’s ruined by the drop, but may I remind you I’m the person who loves Blue by Eiffel 65 with all my heart. If the song was ramping up consistently until the end instead of ending like that, it would have made the list, definitely.

And now, the actual list. This one actually feels pretty solid, I genuinely like everything on it, there’s no filler here for once.

10 - The Box (Roddy Rich)

US: #3 / FR: #23

Now this is a weird case, because for the longest time I couldn’t figure out why this song was so popular and I was completely neutral about it. Then, one morning in September, my mental jukebox (which always, always puts a song on a loop in my head when I wake up) decided to play it. And I was like oh wow?? I never noticed the atmosphere in that song before? It’s so great. And that hook too. Let’s listen to it.

So yeah, I don’t know what happened. It just clicked one day and everything fell into place, I guess.

9 - Alane (Wes & Robin Shulz)

US: Not on the list / FR: #93

Come on. You can’t do a remake of one of my previous #1 songs and let it chart in 2020. That’s cheating. Even with this subpar drop, I have to put it on the list, now.

I’ve already said my piece about the original, so I’m just going to send you back to my 1997 list.

8 - Kings and Queens (Ava Max)

US: Not on the list / FR: #76

[BBC documentary voice] After Lady Gaga decided to make piano balads and left her musical niche vacant, Ava Max quickly took her place as the top predator pop diva. Even after Lady Gaga was re-introduced to her natural habitat in 2020, she still hasn’t fully recovered in Europe, where Ava Max still reigns supreme on the charts -

(tldr I think it’s hilarious that this isn’t on the US Billboard while Lady Gaga isn’t on the French year-end top 100)

7 - Roses (Saint Jhn & Imanbek)

US: #19 / FR: #3

What an earworm. It doesn’t even bother trying to have an intro or an outro, so it loops almost perfectly. It’s like entering a party that started long before you arrived, and it will go on long after you leave it to go back home. Kind of hypnotic in a way.

And yes, my mental jukebox was very fond of using it to wake me up this year, so this is another song that’s here almost solely because of that.

6 - Physical (Dua Lipa)

US: Not on the list / FR: #69 (hehehe)

“Hey I’m not that old” says the guy who’s definitely a sucker for this kind of retro throwback that was so popular this year. Oh well.

I don’t have anything interesting to say about this one, though. Apart from the fact that everyone seems to have a different fave song on that album. Guess that’s quality for you.

5 - Rain on Me (Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande)

US: #48 / FR: Not on the list

That is far from being Lady Gaga’s best song, but it was a joy to listen to everytime it was on the radio anyway. Also Ariana Grande has surprisingly good chemistry with Gaga! This year was full of strange duets mostly made for commercial reasons, and this one isn’t an exception, but unlike a lot of them, it really, really works.

4 - Dynamite (BTS)

US: #38 / FR: Not on the list

I’m still not 100% sold on k-pop even if a ton of it sounds super good, but come on. Even if some bits of this song (especially the beginning of the second chorus) sound a bit like they were made on autopilot, it still sounds just as happy and fun several months after I first heard it and I never got tired of it. That’s quality. You hear it and you can’t help but tap your feet and smile.

Actually, I’m sure there’s people somewhere that don’t smile when they hear this song. And they must be avoided at all costs.

3 - Godzilla (Eminem ft Juice WRLD)

US: #62 / FR: Not on the list

What are you doing so high on this list, old man. Why are you still here in the year 2020. I thought we left you in the previous decade. Who gave you the right.

I’m gonna tell you who did, and it’s actually Juice WRLD. Because that chorus is incredible, and like a lot of people I’m pissed off because the guy died super young and this shit shouldn’t happen to anybody. No, his early material wasn’t great, but I’m sorry I’m gonna say it again: have you heard this damn chorus? It’s suspenseful and dark, it’s got this lowkey menacing quality, it’s an earworm and a half, and it’s more convincing in like six lines than Eminem’s own flexing is in the entire song.

The beat is extremely good as well, and the flow, obviously, impressive. The weakest link is Eminem’s writing, which is as usual full of puns and weird wordplay, except here a lot of it isn’t great, and that last ultra fast part at the end is technically impressive but it also drives the song up a cliff and stops it dead in its tracks once it’s over. But frankly the lines fly by so fast it’s difficult to be too annoyed by them.

Can I sincerely put this extremely flawed song so high on my list? A better question would be “did I spend hours trying to learn how to sing this shit without choking on my own spit?”. The answer is yes. To both.

2 - Heartless (The Weeknd)

US: #28 / FR: Not on the list

I’ve said it on my 2015 and 2016 lists already, but just for the record I’ll say it again: it took me ages to like The Weeknd, mostly because I found most of his songs fairly boring, or disliked the lyrics, or both. Also I never really liked the general vibe of his “sexy” songs like The Hills, they felt dark but in an unpleasant creepy way. Felt like miserable hedonism, if that makes sense.

So, because I’m a person with extremely consistent and logical tastes, here’s the exact same shit he was making before, except that this time I absolutely adore it.

What is he doing differently that makes the whole After Hours album click for me whereas almost all of his previous material failed to do so? Is it the energy? Is it the reverb? Is it the fact that the narrator sounds properly unhinged and, frankly, scared to be spiralling out of control? Why are the colors so beautiful yet full of anxiety? Why is that bridge so fantastic? How can you make your voice look like a glowstick in the dark?

I give up. I have no clue. At least I’m done talking about-

Oh.

1 - Blinding Lights (The Weeknd)

US: #1 / FR: #1 (listen sometimes something’s just that good, ok)

Surprise. Or not.

Wow, look at that, Johannes has put this year’s number one pop song at number one on their personal playlist. The audacity. The edge. What a hot take.

I discovered that song when it first came out at the end of 2019 and I adored it instantly. And I was so scared it wouldn’t be a hit. Which means I’m a f█cking dumbass considering it ended up breaking all sorts of records in 2020. But what can I say, overplay can be a blessing when you love a song that much.

Like every single song I put at number one on one of my lists, I will draw this one at some point and you will understand how incredibly satisfying it is to listen to a song called Blinding Lights, talking about city lights looking blurry when you’re driving at night, while looking itself like a bunch of blurry city lights passing by super fast. Perfect in every way.

Also it sounds exactly like A-ha, and that never hurts.

See you next year! Pretty sure it will be even better music-wise.

[tardytothepardy]

Fruits Basket - Vol 19

Compared to the last few books, this one was actually pretty mild in subject matter. Nothing too heavy, which was a pretty nice break. The heavy stuff is fine, don't get me wrong, but you need a break from it, y'know? These characters certainly need a break.

In this book, we got a lot of backstory on Kakeru, which was pretty interesting. He seems kinda weird, the more we learn about him. Something's off about his ability to emote. Idk.

In the first section (which honestly is pretty heavy), it continues right where vol 18 left off: Tohru saying that they gotta find a way to break the curse soon, for everyone's sake, but especially for Kyo's sake. This seems to throw Tohru into a tiny crisis, because she had promised herself, after her mom died, that she would never place anyone above her mom, that her mom would always be the most important person to her. But she's realizing that is starting to fade away.

When Izusu first asked her what was most important to her, Tohru couldn't answer. She wanted to say her mom, of course her mom was the most important thing to her, but there clearly was another thing that was rivaling for that first place. She made the promise to always keep her mom in mind, to always have her be the most important, so that she would never fade away. It was right after she died, and Tohru had cleared everything out of their apartment, and even then, Tohru felt like Kyoko's memory was fading away.

As she was walking home, caught up in all these memories and thoughts, Shigure pops up, and says that she's heading to the main Sohma house, which is weird. On the way back to their house (should I phrase it as Shigure's house? I dunno), Shigure mentions how both she and Izusu have made it clear that they're trying to break the curse, and Tohru asks if he knew that the curse was already breaking. He said he didn't, it was just a hunch. Apparently, there has never been a time when all 13 members of the Juunishi have been alive, there's always been one missing. Because of this, Shigure thinks that the time for the curse to break is coming near, that it's the "final banquet". Not to mention, things have been watered down a lot through the generations, like Hatori being possessed by the dragon, but he turns into a sea horse. No offense Hatori, but that is kinda underwhelming. Additionally, Kureno's living proof that something is happening, with the way that the curse just,, randomly broke for him, and he wasn't doing anything to trigger that.

Shigure then brings up Kyo, and how time is cutting close for him, and it won't be long before he'll be taken away (something that Tohru is very aware of). He also says that the reason that the Cat has always been hated, is because it's just kinda the most convenient. I mean, the Cat is the only one that has a "dark form", which is all gross and etc., and it's easier to pick on that, than to really sit with yourself and think about how you're a fuckin weirdo who can turn into an animal, not even by choice, it's just something that happens that mostly out of your control, and because of that, it causes you to distance yourself from everyone. It's a burden, it's really just a curse. He really just keeps hammering down on the point that everyone knows that Kyo's the worst of them all, and they use that to feel better about themselves, that at least they're not like that, a disgusting creature. Personally, idk why he's doing this, but it makes Tohru pretty upset. She was upset to begin with, and now he's just putting salt in the wound with an oddly calm demeanor. After she makes him stop saying all that, he asks her if she does love him, and that sends her right back into her initial crisis.

Kyo shows up soon after, and Shigure just says she's upset because she got in a fight with Izusu, and not to worry about it. Kyo tries to console her about this "fight", which only makes Tohru feel worse. She says she doesn't know what to do, and he said that in situations like that, it's best to not do anything. I swear to goodness, these two are just kinda hopeless.

Anyway, the next chapter continues (as it is wont to do), and it's been another year since Tohru's mom died. Kyo didn't go with Tohru and her friends, clearly it all brings up a separate bunch of bad memories for him. Mostly involving when his own mom died, and the shit his dad said to him at the funeral. The stupid thing is, that after his dad said, "You can't get close [to the headstone] because you feel guilty, don't you?" Kazuma said that isn't something you say to a child, and Kyo's dad doubled down and said that's why he said it, because he wouldn't.

Unsurprisingly, Kyo did understand, because ✨news flash✨ kids aren't stupid. They can understand what you're saying, it's not like an adult's words are all garbled like in Peanuts. Especially when they're looking you dead in the eye, accusing you of killing their wife and your mother. They understand. He understood. (Why couldn't have kicked Kyo's dad in the throat he just,, he deserves it)

Anyway, while that particular thing in sitting around in his head, he runs into Tohru's grandfather, who's just kinda sitting there, chilling. He recognizes Kyo, which is what Kyo gets for having bright orange hair (he didn't do it on purpose but he has to understand the consequences of being a main character: he's recognizable) While they're talking, Kyo notices that Tohru's grandfather keeps calling Tohru "Kyoko", and Kyo asks about it. Tohru's grandfather (he doesn't really get a name, but this is also really clumsy ;-;) says it's to remember Kyoko, and shortly after Kyoko died, it was partially for Tohru's sake. He then asks Kyo if he knows why Tohru asks the way she does. I would imagine that if Kyo did think about it at all, he'd just figure it's because that's how she is, but Tohru's grandfather says it's an imitation of her father, Katsuya. This is mostly because after Katsuya died, some relatives started saying that Tohru wasn't anything like Katsuya, are you sure she's his daughter? Disgusting shit like that. Tohru's grandfather mused that they probably said it because they didn't think Tohru would understand them, which kinda makes Kyo go "!!" because holy crap, he was just thinking about that! how crazy!, and Tohru's grandfather says that, if nothing else, a kid can understand if a comment is nice or mean, but they are usually pretty good at understanding things.

After that, Kyo went home and saw Tohru taking down the laundry (do they not have a dryer or was it just more poetic to have her hanging them on a line and having them flutter around in the breeze?), and was thinking about the things that Tohru's grandfather said, along with some times that he was with Kyoko. Apparently, Kyo had seen (not really met) Tohru before they met in the beginning of the series. One time Kyoko was fretting about having to stay overtime at work, and how Tohru would be alone at home for a while, and so I guess Kyo decided that he'd check up on Tohru, and she was just sitting at the table, eating dinner, and he thought she looked pretty lonely.

Jump back to current events, Kyo's just been standing there, thinking about all this stuff while Tohru was folding laundry, and she finally noticed him. Ack! Startlements. Out of the blue, Kyo asked Tohru about her dad, and she froze up. She then said that they didn't really, but according to her mom, they acted the same. Then she retracted that statement, and revealed that she used to think her dad was a bad man, mostly just because as child, she used to fear that he would take Kyoko away from her, despite remembering that he was a kind and caring person. When he heard that, Kyo thought it was stupid, but it was most likely just from her trying to cope with her dad's death, and how her mom reacted so severely to it, and by thinking of her dad as a bad man, it was easier for her? Personally, I don't really follow the train of thought, I've read it a couple times, I'm just kinda confused by it, but it's mostly that she told herself a story that helped her, and it might have made her seem unaware of things (I hesitate to say "stupid"), so that she could push down her pain enough to seem happy on the outside. Tohru felt guilty about it, but Kyo told her that Kyoko probably knew what Tohru was doing, but it was okay, because Tohru helped Kyoko through a really tough time in her life (and he knows that for certain because Kyoko told him that).

Oh also the reason why there was all the billowing sheets and everything turned out to be kinda useful. Reassurance becomes awkward when you go to hug someone and you turn into a cat. So, stupid earlier question out of the way.

After all that, there is some unmistakably painful awkwardness between Kyo and Tohru, they're just stumbling over each other. Having to sit by and watch them is too much to bear for Yuki, so he flies off, to anywhere, because anywhere is better than that. And I mean, I've never been in that situation (because I'm generally not around people) but it's awkward enough just reading it, I think I would wither away or slam my head on a table/wall if I had to be around it, so I don't blame Yuki whatsoever. While he's wandering around, a woman comes up to him, asking if he's Ayame. Hm,, I wonder who this mysterious woman is??

(But first, a short peek back to the house and-- oh of course Kyo and Tohru are still struggling to exist around each other cool cool, and oh! Tohru just said something very cute and endearing and Kyo had a heart attack nice move my dude, and off in the distance, Hanajima senses their struggles and general pain)

Okay, back to Yuki. He went to Ayame's store to ask about that woman, and Ayame tells him that she was someone that he went to school with. He was the student body president, and he came to be friends with (or at least, he was friendly, there's a difference) another president from an all-girls school. Unbeknownst to him, she had fallen in love with him, but when he was younger, he didn't really seem to give a shit about people. Like, he seemed to be a raging asshole, not even on purpose. He just never took the time to consider and understand other people's feelings, and was just flippant to everything. So when this girl confessed her feelings to Ayame, he was decently surprised (kinda. If he was anywhere as popular as Yuki is in school, he probably had people confessing to him all the time, but unlike Yuki, Ayame probably just used that to boost his ego. What I'm saying is that it wouldn't really be a surprise to him; I have a feeling that he'd heard it a lot throughout high school), gave a "Oh, that's nice. What's your name again?" which was a huge blow to the girl. They'd been friends for a while, which she said. He then proceeded to say, "Oh, well then I guess your personality was so dull that I couldn't be bothered to remember!" Holy fuck. This is just getting worse and worse. Never mind the fact that Shigure and Hatori were there too, this wasn't just Ayame and the girl, and Shigure was snickering and poorly attempting to hide it. Hatori finally made them stop while the girl ran off, and Ayame had the gall to ask why. Dude. Wow.

It took him a while to fully understand what had happened, and how acting that way can really hurt someone, until he met Mine, the girl who works with him in the costume shop. (She's pretty distinctive in that she's always wearing a maid costume. She's enthusiastic about costumes) Yuki asked if Mine was Ayame's girlfriend, and Ayame said that she was, though they didn't make the biggest deal out of it. After going through his few minutes of Intense Retrospective, Ayame said (dramatically, you know him) that he hopes that moment hasn't traumatized her or affected her poorly, and Yuki said that she actually seemed pretty happy, if anything she was embarrassed, but it seemed like she had a husband and kid, so it could be guessed that she moved on from that incident. Yuki then tried to ask if Mine knows about the curse, but Ayame skillfully swerved around that by entirely ignoring the question, and Mine had come back from the store, so that conversation was over. But, when she came back, another followed, none other than Kakeru, who apparently is pretty friendly with Mine and Ayame, since the two of them came to the school during the "Sorta Cinderella" play to provide costumes.

While Kakeru was there, he briefly brought up Machi, and so she was brought over as well. That's only significant because she saw something she liked, and it pops up again later. Slightly later in this book, but more later in the series. It's a whole thing.

We also get a short little peek at what Kyo and Tohru are doing at the end of the chapter. I guess they just went out for shopping and stuff, and came across a place with lots of cats, who were quite excited to see Kyo. (Kyo was less excited to see the cats, it's probably for the better that they're separated by glass.)

The next chapter starts with Shigure at the main Sohma house, where apparently Akito has been stuck in her room for so long, asking if she thinks the world will change around her if she just stays in there long enough. He then leaves, and Akito says, "Fine! I don't care anymore!" (which, statistically speaking, almost always means that they still care), but Shigure doesn't bother with it. Being stubborn in this situation isn't going to help anything, but it's just not worth arguing over.

The scene jumps to school, and apparently Momiji's gotten a hell of a growth spurt, now he's all tall and tall, and he doesn't wear as much cutesy stuff. It also looks like he got a crush on Tohru, but Tohru would most likely quietly tuck Momiji into the friendzone like, so fast. I honestly doubt Momiji would actually try anything to get Tohru's attention, but later in the book he taunts Kyo a little bit, basically saying, "You better figure out your situation with Tohru bc I also l-l-like her lots <3" (After which Kyo has a mild crisis like "Holy shit does everyone know?? What the fuck??")

Tohru and Momiji run into Yuki and Haru at school, and for some reason they're all gonna go back home and get ice cream. Idk why, I guess they just felt like it.

Back at home itself, Kyo walks in and just finds Kisa sitting at the table. She flustered, he's confused ("why tf is she here what's going on?"), and Hiro pops out of nowhere to defuse a situation that wasn't occurring. Anyway, Kyo starts to walk off before Kisa says Hello!, and he's just like, "...hi. Anyway." and I'm just saying any of this bc it was so fuckin funny to me, idk why Kisa was acting like that, that might just be how she is, I've forgotten, but yeah.

Swerving back momentarily to the main Sohma house, Hatori's asking Shigure why he's always so mean to Akito. Would it really be so bad to just be nice for once? Shigure's pretty indifferent to it, especially when he said that Hatori's niceness or Kureno's niceness are more genuine, but he just can't fake that stuff, he doesn't care. He knows he's an annoying lil shit, and he doesn't seem to want to take any steps towards fixing that. After all, it's not his job to make Akito happy. (seriously though what's up with this whiplash between here and Tohru and Co. it's kinda weird.)

Let's just switch over to the last main chunk of the book, because I don't want to repeat myself too many times. This is the one that focuses on Kakeru, and his general weirdness. So he has a girlfriend, her name is Komaki Nakao. Just,, keep that in mind, I guess, so that I'm not saying "Kakeru's girlfriend" far too many times.

Anyway, Kakeru and Yuki head to the student council room, and Yuki gives Machi a little apology gift for having to deal with Ayame and Mine at the costume shop. Kimi complains about not getting something, which Naohito is irritated by (I think he lives to be irritated). She nabs the bag, opens it, and what is inside but a little Mogeta paper weight dude, a smaller version of the Mogeta doll that Ayame had in his shop that she was interested in (see I told you it was relevant), and she likes it a lot. Yuki can somehow tell by her waving it around in the air, idk how but he knows her better than I do. (Seeing as they're all in their fictional universe and I, it turns out, am not)

We also got a mini backstory into why Kimi is the way she is. It's because one time in middle school, a group of girls went up to her and said, "You think you can just float on by just because you're pretty and popular with boys?" and Kimi heartedly agreed, and just,,, didn't change. In case you were wondering.

Moving onto the part specifically about Kakeru, he used to have a thing against Tohru, a while back. When Kyoko got hit by that car, it turns out that the driver died as well, and that driver was Komaki's dad. So when Tohru and Kakeru ran into each other at the graveyard place, he basically was like, "Don't you dare think you can be the most sad in this situation, because someone else got hurt, so that means you can't be in as much pain as they are," completely out of the blue. Of course, Tohru didn't say anything against it, she wouldn't do that normally, and at the time she was still heavily mourning the death of her mother. He told Komaki of what he said to Tohru, reasoning that, like he said, she can't be the one most sad here, someone else has died. He saw her go about school, smiling and laughing, clearly she has to be faking her misery (rather than,, idk,, coping,,, and trying to get through life as a sudden orphan,,, idk,,), but Komaki didn't take it well, saying that you can't make a competition of something like being sad, or mourning. Him going out of his way to say that to Tohru did not help. That confused Kakeru initially, because he thought they were both on the same page. He did apologize, when they ran into each other later, completely owning up to his shit, which is nice. It's nice when people are accountable for their actions.

Back to Yuki and Machi for a second, Machi didn't have a chance to thank Yuki for the tiny Mogeta after she first got it, but she did like the gift. She tried to ask for what Yuki wanted, but all he said was self-confidence and fertilizer. (Does she know that he has a garden? I don't think she knows, that would probably seem very odd out of context.)

I think I'm gonna end that there. I have four more books left, so it's ending soon, but given how infrequently I actually sit down and write these, I just hope I'll be able to finish before they have to be taken back to the library.

[pinkyshy101]

So I got bored and decided to type out a list of the cartoons/tv shows I’ve watched, cause why not! I think this is all I’ve watched, or at least recent enough (I’m thinking like…. 2014/15 onward, when I actively started to watch more cartoons)

It’s kinda long, and I’m kinda rambley, so I’ll put it under a keep reading thing (if I can) so you don’t have to scroll through that if you don’t want to. Idk who will actually read this, but hey maybe it’s an idea of what kind of things I might reblog on here! I’m always taking any suggestions for shows to watch, I love learning about and watching more and more cartoons! So if there’s something I didn’t list as something I watched and you think of be interested, feel free to please recommend it! I may update this with a reblog or an edit or something at some point in the future, idk though. For now, its September 19, 2020, and here’s what I got for ya

This ended up way more rambley than I meant for it to be but I started writing it at maybe 12:30ish am and now its almost 2am when I’m getting ready to post it so oops 👀 I’m not really expecting anyone to read this but hey, it’s something! Read if you wanna know what shows and other stuff I watched lol idc

Cartoons I’ve watched in their entirety (or what’s all aired as of today 9/19/20):

(updated 12/2/20 as starting with ATLA)

Gravity Falls - watched since late 2014

Steven Universe (including the movie and Future) - watched since mid June 2015, right before the second stevenbomb/sworn to the sword (early season 2)

Over The Garden Wall - watched back around when it first came out, can’t remember exactly when but sometime in 2015

Star vs The Forces of Evil - watched the first 2 seasons as they aired, then stopped watching for a while and rewatched the whole show in June 2019

Hilda - watched for the first time in I think October 2018, rewatched in May quarantine

She-ra and the Princesses of Power - watched all 5 seasons about/not even a week after season 5 came out, idk why I waited so long to watch it

The Owl House - started watching it after the grom episode aired, idk why I waited so long to watch it but molly and noelle and everyone was screaming about grom on twitter, so of course I had to watch it then

Kipo and The Age of Wonderbeasts - watched it all in early August, right before I watched The Owl House

Infinity Train - watched the pilot back in 2016, then the first season when it came out, but then I started college and didn’t get the chance to watch the 2nd/3rd season until I decided to watch the whole series (s1 again, 2/3 for the first time) this past week

Ouran High School Host Club - ok I know it’s anime not a cartoon and I can’t see myself reblogging anything from it but it’s literally the only anime I’ve watched more than like 1 or 2 episodes of/the only one I’ve seen in its entirety so I figured eh I’ll mention it

Camp Camp - I almost forgot to mention this one! I started watching it when there was I think only 3 episodes of season 1, so back in 2016, and I’ve loved it since then! I guess this summer’s season couldn’t happen cause of covid.... But I’m still excited for when/if it does eventually come out!

Avatar the Last Airbender

Shows that I’ve partially watched but not completely:

We Bare Bears - I’ve seen the first 2 seasons, maybe some of the third I can’t remember, I watched it when it first came out but I haven’t watched it in a while, so I would probably need to rewatch a bunch of it (I did rewatch I think the first season sometime this year? But it was while working on school projects so I wasn’t giving it my full attention), apparently there’s also a movie now???

My Little Pony Friendship is Magic - I was huge into the brony fandom from roughly 2013ish-2017ish, I’ve seen up to season 8 and a few episodes of season 9, and the 4 equestria girls movies, and the mlp movie; I probably know seasons 1 - 4 the most, maybe a little of 5, 6 and 7 are kinda fuzzy but I’ve seen them, 8 I watched over quarantine (since it’d been a few years since I had watched any of it, I also rewatched bits of 5-7) as well as I think the first episode or so of season 9, but I don’t remember them too well. I watched the movie (the pony one, not eqg) when it came out in theaters, and not too long after that I drifted away from the mlp fandom (tbh I was drifting a little bit before it came out, but I knew I had to stick in there at least until it came out since I had been waiting for so long for it). The equestria girls movies, I saw them all when they first came out (I even saw rainbow rocks in the theater). I think there’s like, half hour shorts or episodes or something?? That’s in the eqg universe?? But I don’t think I’ve seen any of them, and if I have it was probably a really early one a long time ago because I haven’t really kept up with anything after Legend of Everfree came out

Animaniacs reboot - I’ve seen the first 5 episodes and it’s nice!

Shows that I’ve only seen an episode or few of that I (probably) intend on continuing to watch:

Glitch Techs - I saw the first episode! Definitely want to continue it

Rick and Morty - I watched a few episodes of the first season in like March/April quarantine, but I was still dealing with online school at home finishing out last semester then. I think I want to watch this eventually, but I have other shows that I want to catch up on/watch before I’d get to this one

Tangled the Series - idk if that’s the name I’ve seen multiple names but I hope you know what I’m talking about, I saw a handful of episodes from the first season I think sometime around fall 2019, but I’d probably have to rewatch the whole thing

Adventure Time - I’ve never had cable/cartoon network so I didn’t watch this growing up, but I’ve heard really good things about it and seen a bunch of stuff from it (I’d have to be living under a rock to have not seen anything lol) but it’s so long and I just haven’t gotten around to it yet! Well I’ve seen maybe a dozen or so episodes of the first season but it was a while ago so I’d have/want to start over probably

Shows I haven’t started

Amphibia - I’ve heard it’s good! I just haven’t gotten around to it yet

Avatar the Last Airbender - probably next on my list to watch, I’ve been meaning to watch it for years but I haven’t yet, its on Netflix now so that should make it easier to watch and a friend from school made me promise that this would be the next one I’d watch so that’s what I’m doing (I did watch the last 2 seasons of infinity train that night though, since I was really wanting to finish it first… But atla is next) watched it! (updated 12/2/20)

The Legend of Korra - obviously I’m waiting to watch it until after alta, and I’m probably going to watch it right after I finish atla

The Dragon Prince - idk really anything about it other than I think it’s on netflix? and apparently it’s good and maybe gay idk but I’ve heard it’s good thus why it’s on here lol

Black Horseman - idk too too much about this other than apparently it’s good but also kinda depressing. Similarly to rick and morty I want to watch it eventually but its not insanely high on my list

OK KO - don’t know a ton about it other than it’s decent, a step up from r+m/bojack on where I want to watch it but not urgently

Ducktales Reboot - similarly to OK KO, don’t know much about it other than it’s decent, same level of want to watch

Milo Murphy’s Law - saw a couple episodes when it came out, haven’t watched it in forever so if I ever do want to rewatch it I’d have to restart it, not super high on my priority list though

Bee and Puppycat - another one I almost forgot! I don’t know a ton about this but I’ve heard its nice! Plus from what I’ve seen I like the artstyle so  👀 maybe someday

Animaniacs (original) - I started to watch the reboot and I think I want to watch the original eventually! Just haven’t gotten around to it yet

Clone High - listen it’s not that I desperately WANT to watch this, I just have friends who are like, hey, watch this lol it’s apparently not super long so why not

Other non cartoon shows I’ve watched:

Brooklyn 99 - idk when I started watching it, maybe around season 4/5ish? I think sometime in 2018 so idk the season, idk, most of the episodes I’ve only seen once so I couldn’t tell you exactly what happens in every episode but I still like it

Rise - ugh I miss this show, I started watching it after/around when the 3rd episode came out (end of March 2018?), and I don’t think I’ve watched any of it since it ended (mid may 2018) cause its not on any streaming services anymore :/ at least not that I know of but I loved it and would love to rewatch it

Andi Mack - I’d heard it was good but hadn’t watched it after it ended (early august 2019 I think I watched it), haven’t rewatched it since then but it was decent, I mainly watched it cause I had seen clips of gay but yknow it was alright

Sex Education - watched 1st season sometime in 2019, when rewatched it/watched season 2 when it came out January 2020, this is like WAY more mature than like anything on this list but like it has an interesting story

Love Victor - watched first/currently only season when it came out mid june 2017 (how was June so long ago what)

Queer Eye - I’ve seen a couple seasons of it idk I figured why not add it lol

Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist - I think I watched this around when there were maybe a few episodes of season 1 left (well there’s only one season now but still), idk I liked it cause like musicals and stuff idk

Idk what else to add to this section but if I think of anything (to any category on this list) I’ll probably update it later maybe idk (again I’m not necessarily going to be reblogging stuff from all/any of these but like, I figured I’d mention it cause idk)

Musicals:

Another thing I love is musicals, like I’m a design/tech major in college rn so yeah I like theatre lol so I’m going to list some I’ve seen (mostly watched bootlegs of, but I’ll list some professional/tour ones I’ve seen in person)(but if it doesn’t say anything special I probably just watched a bootleg, 2017 was a big year for me and my google drive being filled with bootlegs…) This might not be all of them and I won’t go into as much detail (I hope, I haven’t typed it yet) but we’ll see:

Broadway tours I’ve seen: (I swear this isn’t bragging they were cheap seats way up high lol)

Dear Evan Hansen (May 2019)

Wicked (first professional show I saw, October 2017, haven’t watched a bootleg or anything of it since then and I went in completely blind)

Mean Girls (November 2019, last professional show I saw before quarantine)

Come From Away (September 2019)

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (November 2018)

The Book of Mormon (August 2018, was hoping to again this August but quarantine :( )

Non professional/high school/college/other shows I’ve seen in person/been on crew for (not all of them, but some) (assume I’ve also seen bootlegs/proshots if there are any)

Newsies

Spring Awakening (spot op)

Shrek (props)

Legally Blonde

I’ve seen done way more but I don’t feel like listing them or that they’re anything I’d want go reblog/actively look at fandom content for (that’s not saying it reblog stuff from shrek the musical but still lol)

Other shows I’ve seen only in proshot/bootleg form:

Basically every Starkid show

Spies are Forever

The Solve it Squad

Hamilton

Heathers

Be More Chill (yes I was in that big amalgamation of musical fandom stuff with these and deh in 2017 aaaa)

Falsettos

Beetlejuice

Spongebob

21 Chump Street

Les Mis

Phantom

(Again maybe not necessarily all but some there’s a slight chance I might reblog things about)

Musicals I still need/want to watch/listen to:

The Prom

Six

The Great Comet (not typing it all out)

Hadestown

Waitress

Bonnie and Clyde

Something Rotten

Tuck Everlasting

Again there’s more I want to see I’m sure but I haven’t really watched bootlegs in a while…. Idk feel free to suggest shows tho

Movies I’ve seen/like: obviously I’m not gonna just every single movie I’ve seen but heres a few I like:

The Sound of Music

The Wizard of Oz - these 2 have actually always been my favorite movies since I was little, I can’t dee myself reblogging much of anything about them but figured I’d mention them cause why not

Love Simon

Some but not all Disney movies (I grew up with no cable/mostly just pbs)

Most pixar movies?

I don’t think John Mulaney shows count as movies but eh whatever I’ve seen them on netflix

Idk what else lol I know I’ve seen more movies than this but eh

If anyone actually read all of this... Wow I’m surprised honestly lol have a free cookie or something for your struggles or smth, idk, thanks for reading this though lol I appreciate you (but also slightly worry, this was a lot of words and a lot of rambling)

[tarithenurse]

Orphan - 9

Starring:  Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader and MCU characters! Contents: Spoilers for Endgame!! A good cop of something hot, pining, worrying. A/N: PREVIOUS CHAPTERS can be found on the masterlist. Thanks for likes and reblogs and comments <3

9. Sisters, mothers, aunts

…   Morgan   …

All that wonderful snow just can’t go to waste, but after several wobbly snowmen and one perfect one (thanks to mom) the little girl has thrown herself into a pristine patch out of boredom, carefully considering her options as she sweeps the ground with arms and legs.

“What do these do?” Nebula’s voice pierces the fastmoving thoughts of the little girl.

The grey clouds tilt away, bringing the garden back into view and the blue woman wrapped in a mix of a borrowed bright yellow scarf and a green beanie. She’s crouched in front of a smaller snow figure (an attempt at a dog), bright black eyes taking in the lumpy shape.

“They don’t…do ‘nything,” Morgan admits. Are they supposed to do something?

Clearly dissatisfied, Nebula presses on. “Well, what is their purpose?”

“Why make ‘em?” Perhaps Nebs never got to build snowmen as a kid, the little girl realizes with horror. “For fu-un. What can you make with snow?”

“Shelter. Like a…hut.”

Morgan’s eye light up with the idea, already adding elaborate details to the construction in forms of turrets and battlements (even if she doesn’t know that is what the bumps on top of the walls are called). And who can deny a pair of big, dark eyes suddenly begging to partner on a project? Not the alien who swore years ago to protect the little one if anything were to happen to Tony, and so Nebula begins to stack the snow in a tremendous pile.

They’re digging out the inside of the mound (or rather, Nebula is excavating while Morgan forms and places blocks in a circle around the domed top) when a car pulls up, causing both constructors to pause and look. Short legs with heavy boots are already moving to run towards Uncle Rhodey when auntie’s voice sharply orders the girl to stay back. It sounds strangely cold and calm and Morgan can’t help to do what she’s told. A knot has formed in her tummy. Breath is quick. Is something wrong? She can’t figure out what it is because the only new is the woman who stepped out from the other side of the car, and one look at her face makes the confused girl feel happy. And sad. Weird.

 …   Reader   …

They talk like you aren’t there, bickering like a couple married for too long, and even if Rhodes is technically trying to defend you it’s as if he’s more worried about Cyborg Smurf and her feelings, his hands carefully reach out towards the woman, stopping short to protect her boundaries.

“She’s a spy!” No more than a hiss that won’t carry further than your straining ears.

“She was…lonely and afraid,” Rhodes insists, “jus’ looking for a family. Y’know what that’s like.”

Oh? If it wasn’t for the very clear memory of a sword then you would be staring at her now. Instead, you add it to the mental list of things that might be handy to know. It’s a long list.

“Want me to trust her? Think aga–“

“No.” The rapid answer stings. “I won’t tell ya what to think, just…accept Pepper’s giving her a chance, ‘ight?”

They continue back and forth, but your attention gets caught by the fluffy remains of a snowball landing on your boot with a soft thunk. It doesn’t take a genius to guess who threw it, but the nerves are gnawing at your insides as you turn to steal a glance at the kid. My half-sister. Sure, you might still not have a dad, but you have gotten an oddly stitched-together family to deal with somehow.

There are obvious differences between Tony Stark’s two daughters. The similarities, however? Just as many, and all hailing from the man you never got to know. Nearly identical set of eyes meet, filled with curiosity and a familiarity you know you can explain with logic if only you wanted to. Instead, you send a one-sided smile and lift your hand in a finger wiggling wave which the girl, Morgan, copies.

Movements slow, almost leisurely so, as you bend and scoop up a big handful of the cold precipitation to shape loosely in your hands. A wink and a questioning quirk of the brow is enough to send the kid into a silent fit of giggles before the projectile is launched in a soft arc to give her plenty of time to seek cover behind a snow hut in development.

You would have gotten a new handful of snow if it wasn’t for the exasperated sigh and the presence behind you. “Nebu. No!”

This is gonna be a loooong afternoon.

…

It’s awkward. Not only is the entire reason for you visiting painful, but Pepper tries a bit too hard (bless her soul), Nebula doesn’t try at all, Morgan is wonderfully oblivious to the adults’ tension, and poor Rhodes is trying to navigate it all. You manage to last a few hours, partially due to talking maintenance of the veteran’s leg braces when Pepper was occupied with the kid for a while, but mainly it’s been a sort of sweetened interrogation about your plans with Uni (waiting for an answer on the re-application), the home and job hunt (completely dependant on the study), and anything else they feel like. Like they’re going through a checklist.

Just as you’re about to ask Rhodes if he can bring you back to the Bartons’, his phone rings and not even the door separating the living room from the hallway is enough to hide how he snaps into military mode.

“Sorry, gotta go,” he offers as explanation when he pops back in, “duty calls.”

And with that he, and your ride, is gone. Moments later you hear the roar of the car, leaving you feeling trapped.

“You…we’ve got a spare guestroom…?”

The hesitation is evident: Pepper might have been the one inviting you but without intention of having you sleep over. No, this visit was no more than a test run to see if you were enough of a Stark or too much for her to want you in the family. She never said that, but you know it. It’s a typical method that you’ve seen one too many times in the foster care system, but this time you don’t blame her.

“I…thanks, but no…I might have another option.” Standing you dig out your phone and navigate past couch, chairs, and toys towards the relative privacy of the hallway.

Clint had given you a bunch of numbers any journalist or fan would kill to have, and right now your scrolling through them until you spot one who happens to live relatively close by and has a couch tested by others as a bed.

Hot and cold dances through your body, dousing the already jittery nerves with fuel. Each time you hear the call tone your heart drops and it doesn’t make sense that it would feel like this – that butterflies in your belly are trying to hold up cold lead.

“[Y/N]?” Of course, anyone would follow the warm baritone if it called out to them. “Uhm…hi!” It’s like the softest wool to your mind, shielding you in a cocoon against doubts or abandonment.

Everything will be fine. Then you remember you have to reply. “Yeah, hello! Ehh…” Smooth, real smooth, ugh! “I’m…I was…” Fuck it. “You once said I could crash at your place and uhmm…I’m kinda stuck away from Clint and Laura’s an–“

“You’re at To-Pepper’s?”

How…? “Yeah. Rhodes just bailed and…it’d feel strange to sleep over, y’know?”

“I get it. On my way.”

“Thanks.”

Both of you hesitate for a moment, making you worry about what you’re supposed to say when Captain freaking America is coming to your rescue, but before you can put any coherent sentence together, he has hung up. The hallway is silent now. The light reflecting off the snow outside, cold despite the yellow hue, and the sliver of light under the closed living room door is all the illumination available. In there, in front of the fireplace, is a tiny family which you theoretically are a part of….just not technically – and standing here in the gloom underlines exactly that.

How can it ever be different? Nothing can replace the life you’ve had. Your own mother. No, perhaps it’s better to just step away and pretend nothing ties you together, let Morgan be the only child left behind by Tony Stark just like she was the only one who got to grow up with him.

Lost in thoughts, you don’t register Morgan skipping out into the hallway until she’s wrapped her little arms up as high as she can around your thighs.

“G’night,” she grins crookedly for a second before sobering up, “please come back soon and make mummy smile more.”

With those words she’s running off up the staircase with not a care in the world while you’re left behind with an uncanny sensation of being watched – hairs stand on end due to the goosebumps running down your spine. Make mommy smile more, your semi-sister’s voice echoes inside your head. Make mommy smile more. Make mommy smile. Smile more. Smile more? As a new widow, it would make sense if Pepper doesn’t smile much, the loss being too strong, too present in every little thing. Still, throughout the afternoon she’s smiled and laughed with enough heartfelt joy that the sorrow became invisible if only for a moment. Did I make her smile?

Your brows scrunch in confusion and it’s impossible not to look at the silent women who seem to be waiting for you to do or say something. Anything.

“Did…? Have…?” Unsure what to ask the question dies on your lips.

Nebula shuffles, clearly uncomfortable. “The little one likes you, spy.” Danger still gleams in the black nothingness of her eyes but her posture screams doubt. “Perhaps I’ve been mistaken.”

It’s nothing but a tiny twitch of the lips when Pepper bites back a smile. “Would you mind checking that she’s brushing her teeth, Nebu?”

“Certainly, strong teeth are excellent for close combat.”

Once alone, your own awkwardness doubles. How long would it take Cap to get here? Pulling at your arm as if you can make yourself smaller, you’re sure you must appear sort of pathetic.

“It’s…thank you for y’know…havin’ me over,” you try lamely.

Even without high heels, Pepper is still a tall woman and she becomes almost elven in the scarce light. “She’s right, actually,” she admits, “I…it was nice having you here. To get to talk with you…even if it might have felt more like an interrogation…”

“Weeell…I mean…a bit, but that’s pro’lly logical.” C’mon, man! “Kinda hard for it not to fundamentally be freaking strange…all things considered.”

“I haven’t told Morgan anything…” It sounds apologetic, almost. “It’s up to you what role you want in the family.” Up to…? “But the way I see it…you’re Tony’s daughter. You’re family.” You can feel how your lips part at the confession, and you stand there gaping at the woman. “Just…give us time to find a balance.”

Maybe your father knew exactly what he was doing when he married this woman instead of your mom. Regardless: the past is impossible to change while the present is simultaneously tempting and scary due to the multitude of options available. I get to choose? It had been hard enough to put together a few outfits when you went shopping for the first time with Laura and Lila.

You don’t dare to look Pepper in the eyes. “Maybe get to know each other first? Before deciding?”

It’s a gentle hand that shapes around your shoulder, passing on a sense of security. “I like that,” the widow agrees, “you’re always welcome.” She hesitates, and you glance to see her biting her lip as if in doubt. “While you wait…why won’t you come and hear about Tony? Just let me tug Morgan in.”

 …   Morgan   …

Any smart girl knows how important it is for adults to brush their teeth too, and it had been a simple task to convince Aunt Nebula to join in by the sink where they’d competed in looking the grossest with the toothpaste drool, laughing so much Morgan’s cheeks began to hurt.

That giddiness is gone again as the kid crawls into bed. Nebula is standing by the window, staring at the few stars poking out between the clouds and Morgan knows deep inside her little chest that the alien misses flying between the stars.

“They want you back too, Nebu.”

Speaking softly, the words are barely even a whisper that most people would overhear. Not the blue woman. Hiding a sigh, she comes over to sit on the edge of the bed, a hand automatically fidgeting with a knife strapped to the thigh.

“They can wait,” Nebula’s voice cracks a bit, “and instead, when you are older and stronger, we’ll go visit them together.”

“Really?” The child’s smile is contagious, even as it turns into a wistful frown. “Gotta lot to learn first, then.”

 …   Reader   …

There simply isn’t room for anymore stories about your father, the great Tony Stark, but what you have heard is starting to paint a picture of a man much more complex that the news stories and interviews has ever managed to reveal. You shouldn’t be surprised. Neither at the (many) wild years – the last of which you are a result of – nor the dedication he showed when working on a project regardless of the magnitude, and still your mind is spinning from the effort of analyzing every tidbit of new knowledge.

Tired and unable to take more, you are already pulling on your coat and boots to get some fresh air when a car pulls into the long driveway, reminding you of the arrangement and a whole new set of worries.

Steve Rogers.

The name brings a cascade of butterflies with it, untameable despite your best efforts and forcing you to say goodnight and goodbye before it becomes obvious.

[pocket-mouse7]

SECRET SANTA

This is my secret santa! I wrote this with a prompt from @arrowmantic

I sorry if its not exactly what you wanted, but I did enjoy this prompt very much. I'd like to thank my sister she helped out a lot. Tw for a little blood, I can edit this out if you would like me to. I'm so glad I took part so thanks to @irondadsecretsanta for the wonderful opportunity!

Peters eyes blinked open, the artificial light above him glaring through a yellow tinted cover. Another day, another challenge. Around him he saw the same bland room it felt like he spent his while life in, he could barely recall the surface.

"Peter, you're awake, lazy"

Peter almost groaned in exasperation. Tony (technological operating neurological yobibyte system) had consistently tested on Peter, he seemed to be it's favourite, but Peter always complied. He figured, it would only be so long before he finished his testing and gained access to the surface again.

He wandered through the corridors, guided by the lack of options towards a testing chamber that Tony had prepared. The looming white walls had seemed foreboding when he had first arrived, but he had grown to accept them as part of the grind. Occasionally he passed a half torn down motivational poster, graffitied and broken smiles staring condescendingly down at him.

"I've got something new for you Peter, this is going to be fun" Tony chortled mechanically

Peter knew this was not going to be fun.

It seemed a simple enough puzzle, and Peter cleared it fairly quickly, with some unwelcome comments from Tony as he did so. He stumbled through the exit door and into the elevator.

Suddenly, something shifted.

Everything shifted.

Peters heart rose to the top of his throat, and his intestines pulled upwards towards his lungs.

"Peter? What's going on. The AXperameter isn't working. That's not good. Gotta get that online before I... Peter you appear to be falling. Peter..." Tony babbled

Peter couldn't see outside of the elevator, but his bones told him that this was the truth. Oh god, he was going to die wasn't he? And he didn't get to see the sun. He wanted to die in the light, not in this artificial orange glow..... Wait.... Where did the orange go? It seemed to be going dark...... He still felt the warm from the lamp, but it had stopped sh..i...n..ing....

Once again on that fateful day, Peters eyes fluttered open, but this time in blue. Where was that light coming from anyway? The corridor he was in was completely enclosed, with grey walls and ceilings with shattered lamps. Peter decided that he should just be grateful for any light he had, and pressed on.

He softly touched the back of his head, where he felt a twang of pain. As he brought his fingers round, he saw blood coating the tips, as he expected. He must have hit his head when.... What happened exactly? He searched around him for clues, trying to piece together shattered memories in his mind. Something about..... AXperameter? That seemed important. A gaping hole occupied the ceiling, and beside him on the floor was a huge metal capsule. A lift! It had fallen... He understood now. God how had he survived that? The force definitely should have killed him. Well, there was no chance of going back up the lift shaft, so he may as well go down the corridor if he wanted to escape this grey place with glaring similarities to his home. Not a surprise really, Peter suspected this was a basement of the research centre.

He pushed open the door at the end of the corridor, and it collapsed off its hinges onto the floor. It puffed up a cloud of dust as it fell. He gently stepped over it into a room full of computers, like an office.

He spotted something unusually white laying on the floor of the neat grey office. As he approached, it was clearer as a L shape.

Peter let out a short, sharp gasp.

A portal gun.

There we go! This would be so handy. He just needed to find a way out of here.

A door on the opposite wall to his entrance was hanging on by one hinge, and Peter carefully opened it and stepped through.

Another long, grey corridor led him to an electronic door, and Peter was surprised to see it working perfectly fine. It smoothly slid open and Peter walked cautiously through. The mostly metal room he found himself in seemed like.... An old test chamber? It seemed like there was only one way to go from here, so he moved purposely into the first section of the room.

He surveyed the space, the room was split into two sections, parted by an impassable gap. He peered down. He couldn't see the bottom. Each section was cluttered with pipes sticking out of the ground, wood and glass shattered across the floor. The puzzle didn't seem to bad, Peter was more concerned about the functionality of the components than how to actually solve it.

He wondered over to a cluster of boxes sat on the ground. He felt... Oddly  calm at the sight of them. This was his forte. He know what he was doing. He was good at this. It was resolute in his mind that he was getting out of this place.

The spark In Peters eye and mind shone brighter than ever as he carried boxes across the room. He could do this! He carefully stepped over a cluster of pipes emerging from the ground. They were painted orange with rust, and twisted like an old nordic knot.

Peters steps quickened with each action, his excitement growing, until he was sprinting across the room with each clue. His feet fell and rose lightning speed.

BAM

Peters face slammed into the concrete. Blood trickled down his nose, and was warm and metallic in his mouth. He spluttered and attempted to push himself up. The pressure on his ankle caused his while body to collapse back onto the ground. He awkwardly twisted wrong to see what had happened.

The pipes. Oh, for gods sake. He had no idea how it happened (and neither did the writer) but a pipe was wrapped tightly around his ankle. He pulled it sharply, no give.

He began to try and shimmy his way out. It couldn't be too hard, right? He began gently tugging, hoping to find extra room. His hands groped around for a ledge, something solid, that he could use to lever himself out. Aha! The edge of the section was within his reach! Still no give on the ankle though.

He gave a couple sharp tugs, and suddenly felt it give way.

Yes! Yes no no no....

Peter screamed sharply when his momentum carried him forward. Towards the edge.

He reached round desperately for something, anything to hold on to. He only found the ledge. Which, was not helpful, it was covered in small rocks and gravel and Peters hands kept slipping. His feet dangled down into the abyss. He kicked up in an attempt to swing himself up onto the floor. As his foot swung back down, a small shower of rocks followed.

Peter waited for them to hit the floor, and counted. He couldn't remember the units, it had been so long since someone talked to him about this, but he knew the smaller the number the better.

1...2... 3...4... 5...6...7... 8...9...10...11...12....13

A small clang echoed its way up to be a large beast, and roared in Peters direction.

Peters pinkies slowly peeled off. His fingers were red and knuckles were a bright white. He could not hold on for much longer. His fingers were slowly slipping..... Down... Down until he was just clutching on by the ends. Every second he hung his fingers slipped off more and more... Closer and closer... Until it clicked in his head.

He was going to die.

Fueled by this new fear, and in a last attempt to survive, he plunged all his trust into a blind push forwards to attempt to grab something, anything, that he could use to lever himself up. He wildly grappled around, until his hand connected with something metal. The pipe!

Peter hauled himself up onto the ledge and rolled onto his back, panting like a race dog. His eyes were watering slightly as he huffed and puffed. When he finally caught his breath, he stayed lying on the floor for a while. So it wasn't exactly like the normal test Chambers. He resolved to watch his step more carefully.

The puzzle was, by Peters standards, fairly easy, and he figured it must be close to the start of the course, where Peter was nearing the end. He was still panting as he stood next to  the partially jammed exit door, and he had to squeeze his way through. He found himself, not by a lift, but in another office.

He decided to have a look through this one, as any test Chambers had proven they could be fatal. If there was some sort of back exit, he'd rather go through that.

He spent a while going through file cabinets, filled with useless info on people he didn't know. Henrietta Perkins, age 22, deceased. Wait, what? Deceased? Like dead? Peter flicked to another file, in case it was a freak accident. Frank Edwards, age 34, Deceased. Okay..... They died, kinda young.

Heart racing, Peter flicked through files searching for his own name. Here. Peter Parker, age 15, and then blank. It's like they were.... Waiting for him to die. But, he was getting out in 3 weeks?

He pulled out his file fully, eyes wide and scared. There was a picture, like a mugshot, of his face, much younger than he could remember, and a description.

It was the next piece of data that thoroughly shook him.

Memory resets: 27

What? That... Couldn't be... Right?

Peters mind was spinning. This company... Which he trusted so much, had been deceiving his foolish mind. He took a glance at his entry date, about 3 years earlier than he had thought. With a bit of maths, carry the 2, divide by three..... They reset his memory after just over how many weeks Peter believed he had been there. In 3 days, they were going to start over. In 3 days, his hope of release would be lost. In 3 DAYS, none of this would be in his recollection.

He couldn't let that happen! Every piece of data he had collected, every test, every challenge, every memory.... Lost to the void.

So... How? He couldn't fight off Tony, it had too much power. Tony controlled everything, from the very walls and floor, down to what Peter had for breakfast. The only way Peter could think to escape was to defeat Tony... But the system was flawless, with no faults or hindrances.

He needed a way to shut down Tony.

He meandered into the next room, wondering what his next move was. He now knew how imperative it was that he escaped. He knew the consequences if he didn't. He knew he could get out easily if he destroyed Tony. But Tony was all seeing, all hearing, all powerful. Anything Peter said or did was carefully documented, and any signs of rebellion were quashed immediately.

And it hit him. Not down here. Tony couldn't see down here. There had been no snarky comments since he had fallen. The last time he had heard the mechanical voice was when it was talking about something breaking. Funny, really. The first time Peter had heard what seemed like fear in its voice. Probably the last as well, no matter what happened after this, this version of him would never hear that voice again. He thought more carefully about that last time he heard Tony's voice. What was it that had made him panic? The lift was falling, he knew that. Was it the AXperameter? It had failed. Gone offline.

Wait.... All these test subjects, they obviously weren't hard to find, or kidnap (Peter shuddered at the thought), so why was Tony so concerned about Peter? Tony had never cared for him, even malicious love, so it seemed unlikely that Tony would care much about his death. Peter had only ever seen it be selfish, so the failure must have a bearing on Tony's power. It was a fickle plan, but maybe if he destroyed the AXperameter, it would buy him enough time to escape.

Peters determination shone through as he began his quest to discover everything about the AXperameter. He needed all the info he could get if he wanted to destroy it. He sat down at a computer in the office, praying that power was still generated down here. He breathed a sigh of relief when the computer whirred to life. He set to it, and vowed not to stop until he knew everything he did to prepare for the battle. It was going to be difficult, but it was going to be worth it.

The Siege

Peters heart had never gone faster as the lift rose. Who knew how Tony would react, and how it was going to go down. He could only pray that it would work, that his hypothesis would be right. The information he had found was alright, but annoyingly limited. He knew where it was, what it looked like, and how to get rid of it. That was all he needed.

The doors of the lift slid open with a shlll.

"Hello Peter." came Tony's cool and collected voice. "I see you have returned. Please follow the path to your left"

Peter turned right and strode purposefully down the corridor.

"No, Peter, your other left. You are going the wrong direction"

Peter continued strolling.

"Peter. Wrong direction. I fear your ears have stopped working since your fall"

Peter started a slight jog.

"Peter, you will find nothing in that direction besides a maintenance closet. Please turn around and go the other direction."

Peter turned around, and stared at the camera in the wall crease.

"Thank you Peter. Please come this way for further testing."

And sidestepped into the closet.

"Oh my nuts and bolts. God dammit Peter come back"

Peter looked onwards into the closet.

"I assure you there is nothing in there. Please come out so we can continue testing."

Peter began looking under things and on shelves.

"Peter I need to check you for head injuries. Please come onwards into the health room"

Peter ran his fingers over the walls, looking for a service hatch.

"Peter that will get you nowhere. Come back now."

Bingpot! With his surprising strength (many months of testing had built up his strength) he prised it open. He was faced with a wall of wires.

"Peter. That operates a test chamber no longer In use. There is no point to altering it."

Peter stared up at the camera in the corner, and ripped out all of the wires.

The lights fizzled out immediately. Taking his opportunity, Peter left the closet and sprinted down the hallway.

"Backup Generators." nothing. "Backup Generators please" still nothing "Why is it still dark"

Peter looked up, grinning at the broken camera, before sprinting towards the heart of the testing centre.

The Switch.

Peter circled the control centre. It was hexagonal and covered in different components. Peter searched for the AXperameter. He knew exactly what it looked like.

"Peter stop this right now. You don't know what you are doing"

Peters eyes locked onto the red box, and he reached over to it.

"Peter this won't help you. Nothing you can do here will aid you in any way. This does not control aspects of your life."

Peter yanked the box out of its hole and proceed to smash it onto the floor.

"Peter... No!" Tony's voice became more static and mechanical "Hardware removed. Protocol 3B1 breached. Virus removed. Initiate sequence 679. Downloading new software. Scheme memory destroyed. Now reverting back to initial software. 1100000101110. Restart complete. Reverted back to the last corruption free save. Begin sequence for Test Subject 237. Peter Parker. Release in 4 (four) days. Test number 192."

Peter thought for a while, trying to process what he had heard. Virus? Scheme memory? Who knew. What he did know was that his release was in four days.

"Peter. Welcome back. You have 3 days of testing remaining, and one day of preparation for outside life. Please return to your room."

The sun.

When Peter woke up that morning, it wasn't an artificial light above his head. This light wasn't blue or orange. This light was warm and glowed pure white. He peeled his eyes open. And he saw it.

The sun.

It was so much better than he expected.

This was where he belonged.

Thanks for reading! I know I'm not the best writer, but I'm always looking to improve. I really hope you enjoyed this ❤️

[gotboredwrote]

Chapter 1: The Enticing Introduction of the American

[[The American Publicist // JRD]]

Pairing: John Richard Deacon x Reader Word Count: 1.8K (yeah kinda short, but they’ll get longer, I promise) Style: Multi-Chapter Warnings: Nothing yet, one mention of body shape, but in a completely positive way (it’s Roger, who are we kidding?) Summary: Y/N was just hired to become a co-manager and publicist for the band Queen. The boys had never travelled abroad, so meeting an American was . . . intriguing, to say the least. Permanent Author’s Note: To clarify, I write because I get bored. Nothing is meant to be professional in any way, nor is meant to offend, cause anxiety, cause anger, cause sadness, or promote disagreement among readers in any sort of (semi)permanent way. A/N: 1. Warnings will be per chapter, so as to know what to expect in each chapter (just seems easier that way). 2. Summary is for the entire story, so don’t expect that to change throughout the chapters. 3. Word count will be per chapter, so as to know just how much you can expect to get into (again, seems easier). 4. Don’t expect anything to move too fast in this story – I want to make this have some juicy (ew why did I choose that word) buildup. 5. I’m sorry if you aren’t American and you’re reading this, I hope that isn’t awkward for you!

Masterlist // Previous Chapter // Next Chapter // Masterpost

~

Queen had only been formed in the last year and a half, John Richard Deacon having joined exactly one year prior to today, hence why the boys, mainly Freddie, decided to throw a small affair for the shy man. It was not so much that they wanted to celebrate him, even though they did, but they also wanted to celebrate two huge accomplishments - getting a song played on the radio, and getting signed to a label! Things seemed to be looking up, and John began to realize that maybe this was not going to be a “side project” after all. As if that feeling had not kicked in enough, Miami crashed the party with some news.

“Boys, I just got off the horn with the label, and they feel that Queen is going to be huge. Too huge, in fact, for one person to manage alone. They’ve decided that it is critical that I have a partner in crime who can also double as a publicist of sorts. I brought said individual with me because I would like you all to meet and decide if this is going to work.”

Miami gestured to the door, and all the boys gaped. “Hi there! I’m Y/N, it is so great to finally meet you! I am so excited to watch you all work and make real names for yourselves!”

The boys listened intently to the individual’s words, collectively looked back at Miami, then back at the individual. Roger piped up first, followed quickly by Brian.

“You’re a girl?”

“And American?”

~

“I’m sorry, is that a real problem?” You had not worked with a British band before, and you have never experienced backlash like this from any other band. You actually could not tell if they were genuinely distressed or if there was a hint of mere confusion in their tones.

“Oh, no that’s not it,” Brian replied. “I think the way to put it is that we were not expecting to need a publicist, let alone a second manager. That is the reason for our response, well, um, be-besides the obvious.”

So, it was just confusion. That make you feel slightly better. After Brian’s response, you got a few minutes to really take all of them in because they had started chattering among themselves while Miami showed you around the studio. You would steal glances their way while Miami would discuss a small detail about a particular item hanging on the wall. Freddie Mercury was clearly the most flamboyant of the bunch, hand gestures accompanied every word that slipped past his lips. He also wore tight fitting clothes of extremely bright colors, and that is saying something considering this is the early seventies. He seemed like the kind of guy that people would either love or hate, and you find yourself falling into the prior without really having spoken any words to him. Seated to his left was the one that had spoken the most to you since you walked in – Brian May. You had heard some rumors about all of them, but the one thing about Brian that surprised you the most was that he went to school for astrophysics. He truly did not strike you as someone who would pick that as a major, but he definitely appeared smart, so at the same time, it did not surprise you. He also looked like he was attempting to reach hair-band-status hair, and you thought he was doing a mighty fine job. Across from the soon-to-be doctor was the band’s drummer, Roger Taylor. The rumors swirling around him were not your favorite things, but you decided to not pass judgement until you actually sat down and chatted with him. You had heard that he was a womanizer of sorts, and by his shaggy clothes and fluffed-out blonde hair, you could not help but assume something to that affect was true. Otherwise he actually seemed soft-spoken, and like he genuinely cared about his friends. Before you could get a look at the fourth member of the band, Miami escorted you by the arm out of the booth and into the control room, where there were a couple couches, a bunch of scattered pieces of sheet music, and a large, looming control panel that helped mix all recorded pieces of music. Miami said that you could sit right here for two minutes while he went and grabbed something for the both of you from the vending machine, and before you could even say thank you, he was out the door. Initially, you had completely forgotten to glance back over to the band to get your initial look at the fourth member and was just looking around the booth, since you would be spending more time here than in the booth with them. You got up to take a better look at the control panel, since you were genuinely curious if it was different than an American one. Eventually you had finished grazing over it, satisfied with finding out they are almost exactly the same. You were about to make your way back to the couch and you felt that weird sensation of someone drilling holes into you by staring seated deep in your core. You looked through the large, glass pane atop the control panel to find that the fourth member of the band was, in fact, staring at you, but not in the drilling-holes kind of way. It was almost nostalgic. The fourth one was the shy bassist whom they were partially celebrating this afternoon John Deacon. He was the quiet type around ninety-five percent of people, the other five percent were the members of Queen, their staff, and his family. He had been playing the bass for years, and it came as a bit of a shock when they were told they got a record deal and this would no longer be “just a hobby.” From what you were told, he was patient, friendly, kind, quiet, and basically, if you look up “good” in the dictionary, his face would appear right there. You made eye contact with the man, and his cheeks turned up and revealed the most adorable smile you had seen in your entire life. He had the sweetest crinkles to either side of his eyes that made his whole face light up, nearly as bright as the sun. It caught you by surprise that he was looking at you and not paying attention to his bandmates, and the smile was just icing on top of the cake. It was not intentional, but Miami swung the control room door open right at this moment unfolded, which made you visibly jump.

“Oh gosh, dear, I’m sorry. Not exactly sure what you were doing that made that scare you, but I am sorry.”

“It’s okay, no worries, Miami.” You were clutching your hand to your chest attempting to catch your breath and looked back through the panel. You saw John chuckling under his breath a little, and you shot him a small glare accompanied by a warm smile.

“Ms. Y/N, if you would so kindly follow me, I want to take you back into the booth with them, allow you to meet them one-on-one, and just briefly get to know each other.

Miami bent his arm as to allow you to take it, and he escorted you back into the booth. You and Miami made your entrance, and they boys concluded their little conversation. They all went to stand up as if they needed to address you in such a proper manner, and you simply started to laugh.

“Guys, please. You all know I’m not the queen, nor am I royalty in any version of the word. If we are gonna get to know each other, I would much rather just sit and talk. If that isn’t your style, I totally get it, but I don’t see a need for such formalities if we are going to be seeing a lot of each other.”

“You heard the lady, sit your bums down and let’s get down to business.” It seemed like Miami would be on your side throughout this whole endeavor, and honestly, a wingman did not sound like a terrible idea.

The boys resumed their positions in their little circle, Miami sat down next to Roger, and you plopped yourself between Miami and John, a little closer to John than Miami. “Unless anyone has anything critically important they would like to start this conversation with, I would like to properly introduce myself and give my oral resume.” You were given some small nods and smiles, John giving you the same one as before. Freddie piped in with an “Of course, darling, we are all ears!” and you felt like they were actually intrigued by you.

“Alright, so. As I mentioned before, my name is Y/N Y/L/N, and I have been working with record labels since I was sixteen years old. I have gotten lucky enough to work with a number of big, American rock bands, including The Who, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, and The Rolling Stones, and have even helped a few of the bands I’ve worked with earn Grammy awards. I love what I do, and have the utmost confidence that I can help you guys achieve global status, assuming that you are willing to work with me.”

The boys were all looking at you and taking in each word you said with intense concentration. At first, they did not say anything to you. It was a little unnerving, honestly. They exchanged glances, and the smiles came back to their faces. Freddie then jumped up, grabbing your wrists in the process, and yanked you into a bone-crushing hug. “Of course we are, darling! Miami’s great, but it will be fabulous having two minds working together!”

“You’re also pretty fantastic to look at, different from British girls, so-”

“Roger! Be nice!” That was another thing about Brian – he did strike you as extremely respecting, as well, and it was coming out full force.

You all sat back down, and a number of things began to happen. Roger, Brian, and Freddie started a conversation amongst themselves, but Miami shushed them. He wanted to get started on the game plan for the new album, now that you had been officially accepted into the group. Freddie was mimicking Miami’s gestures, since Miami was a very serious person, which elicited a chuckle from both yourself and Roger, and an eye-roll from Brian. Meanwhile, John being the quiet soul he is, simply showed you that he accepted you by placing his hand right above your knee and lightly rubbing small circles there, accompanied by his signature smile. You would have to ask the boys if that was normal at some point.

[thederekmiller-blog]

(Hollywood) HILLS AND (Yorkshire) DALES

Today marks a year since I arrived in England.  I arrived a day after my son Jarvis started his first day at school (I was waiting for my visa - obtained by having an English wife).  As I sent him off today for his first day of Year One (*kindergarten), I was of course teary eyed at how much my little guy has grown up - but mostly I was acutely aware of what a HUGE change we made by leaving Hollywood and moving to England.

We had planned to live in London and be close to “the action” but we have settled in a country house near Leeds in Yorkshire (where my wife grew up.) They call it “God’s own Country” and sure…I get it.

I am happy about the move for a bunch of reasons…

Schools! As I saw what Jarvis’ life was going to be like in L.A. with Debbie and I going to parties to be vetted by elite preschools that were going to cost us more than my state university tuition or staying up all night to get in line for enrollment or being concerned when a guy was picked up in front of one of the schools with a car packed with assault rifles - I decided it wasn’t how I wanted his education to start. I won’t go into my experiences being a nanny in L.A. but it was much different than then my mid-west upbringing. Mostly, I got real tired of driving twenty minutes to a safe park. His school here is awesome - it’s free - as are breakfast and lunch. We get photo updates on an app, he goes to school with an eclectic group of kids from Pakistan, Syria, India and economically diverse kids from the council estate. As a bonus, he looks great in an English school uniform.

Kid friendlier in general! I loved Griffith Park and explored a lot of it but it was always rounding up past the creeps and the dog shit. Here we are surrounded by fields and parks (and even pubs) that are great for children. Like for real - some pubs have indoor play-lands and a lot have playgrounds. We are a couple hours from London - but even in Yorkshire there are local family festivals ALL the time and tons of kids museums and railways etc… Yes, we had Travel Town in L.A.  - but I had to keep rounding up on that graveyard of sadly eroding engines - here they are oiled, pristine and have freakishly large faces on the front of their boilers.

So on a very base level, I am assured that Jarvis has had a major upgrade in his quality of life - not just in the atmosphere but also by having parents who aren’t stressed every day immersed in a “hustle” mentality. I just heard Danny Mcbride on a podcast talking about how moving his family to Charleston freed him of the pressures of things as small as seeing peers on billboards and having his kids ride bikes on the street. It articulated life outside L.A. really well. So we are more relaxed - and partially because when we go to dinner we aren’t surrounded by people discussing their screenplays.

Happy wife, happy life.  Debbie is the happiest I have seen her in our ten years of marriage. She came to L.A. to be with me and follow my endeavors - which was a sacrifice I probably could have checked in more about… but we were close to the beach and weather!. Of course she is happy to be back home and closer to her parents and now she can eat weirdly flavoured (*flavored) crisps that we had no access to in the USA. She has also expressed how happy she is that she isn’t competing with women at parties for attention or status. She doesn’t have to endure “bits” that masked social insecurity. People here have banter and it’s like bits but with less voices and more self deprecation. She also just got a killer job.

So my family is happier and that’s what it’s about really.

That should be the win fullstop (*period) right?

But.... then there’s my personal stuff -

I left a hefty twenty year career in L.A. - some people responded with a disbelieving HOLY SHIT when I said I was going - which I won’t lie was nice to hear.  But, I had taken stock of some stuff...

Happiness. I got to be around A LOT of famous people in my time in Hollywood. My access was phenomenal, from working at the Chateau Marmont to being included in ridiculous friend groups and working on shows with plenty of “successful” people. Ever since I moved to town -  I was very aware of the success to happiness ratio.  I once interviewed a celeb for a DVD special edition who had been in a few films I loved. He was sat in a one bedroom a recliner in the valley recounting his awesome anecdotes underneath movie posters from films he’d starred in. He had no one, his whole life was in this one room and next to him was a jar of his own urine. Extreme example - but it was a cautionary tale I needed of never wanting to be waiting for the phone to ring.

Depreciation. The work changed - as actors we may have lost about 70% of our union work and I definitely lost 70% of my income - and to pretend the bulk of my work wasn’t commercial would be an insult - I logged over 80 spots. I am extremely grateful for the handful of series I got to do and the pilots that never went - but when it gets down to it - Nestle Water bought my condo. When the work dried up a lot of the joy that brought us to this job went with it. Every audition (that there were 70% less of) was met with waiting rooms full of long faces or irritated rants of how terrible things had gotten. I wasn’t even blindsided - I saw the change coming,  I got into directing and more into writing and making content - but that was ultimately just more hustle to try and make the same money.  So many of us turned to Lyft or Uber. My last ride in LA was with my buddy who once shared top bliing with me on a call sheet for a TV series - it was poetic. It was also really depressing.


What keeps us in LA? When I posted about leaving, J.D. Walsh said “Wait, we can leave?” And every actor I’ve told that to laughs - HARD. Because we feel like we have a duty to it - I think it’s probably predicated on guilt - like we can’t leave or we have “given up” on ourselves - OR if we are true artists “we could never do anything else” or everyone said it was a “dumb choice” and leaving it would be admitting they were right. I thought about who I was supposed to be appeasing. We have to stay because the only outlet for creatively is in L.A.? I left L.A. ten years ago after yet another breakup for not being “successful enough” (true stories) I left for a year and did cruise ships with Second City and it was one of the most notable years of my career - it was out of L.A. and no one even knew I had been gone. So, I have always been a fan of taking some space and of trusting my instincts of when to move my cheese. Just happens, this time the cheese was a Wensleydale (*local cheese)

I also knew staying in L.A. meant fighting even harder -  the battle to keep jobs union is the biggest fight of our careers and I knew that where I was in my life I didn’t have the emotional resources to be on the front lines every day. If I didn’t have that, I didn’t deserve to be reaping the benefits of a union that took great care of my family.  I pushed all of my students to stay union strong and had no time for those who went fi-core. I flipped internet jobs I produced and directed but I knew it needed to be bigger. I love the fight that is being fought and have so much respect for the people waving the flag and showing up.

The other reason we stay is because of the “ground we’ve gained.” Which is never enough. I was quick to rifle off my resume to anyone who would listen but I never saw myself as a success. My therapist worked with me for months after I left just to be able to say (without shakiness of the voice or avoiding eye contact) that I was successful. We aren’t allowed to say it out loud - everyone will hate you - or decide that you’ve had enough and don’t need anymore. Most importantly, we have to be able to say it ourselves. So, what’s our barometer for success? - cause I bet some of the people we’d consider tipping the needle are MISERABLE.  At the end of the day I was able to do it for years on stage, small and big screens and afford a modest home in the hills. When I stopped being happy  - it was time. That was my barometer.

Life is too short. This planet is huge and full of amazing experiences. When we got to England I had no designs on singularly pursuing an acting career. I have been applying for all kinds of work, ALL KINDS and yes my resume is met with a lot of furrowed brows. But, a funny thing happened -  since I’ve been here I’ve booked commercials, voice-over and even gotten to audition for a West End musical (if you know me at all - you know that is a dream come true.) I have also been teaching comedy and acting for the camera in London and Dublin. I directed a show that ran for three months. I even taught in Covent Garden - and when I walked out after teaching a seven hour intensive in the heart of the West End - I kinda lost my breath for a second. I thought about the last three years in L.A. and how they were all the same in terms of the Sisyphean rock roll of anxiety and reward - and here I was in the center of London doing something I loved and had no idea I’d get to do more of. Then I took the tube home.

And that’s just work stuff - we have gotten to see so much of the UK. From Brighton to the Edinburgh Fringe Fest and dozens of cities in-between.  I’ve gotten to stay after-hours in the Tower of London drinking with Beefeaters, we did the Beatles tour of Liverpool with my Parents and we’ve seen where Dracula, Wuthering Heights and Peter Rabbit were all written. I’ve seen friends at the London Podcast Festival, in West End shows, in comedy shows and film festivals. Been to private soho late-night clubs I used to read about in NME. I’ve flown to Ireland and France for $60 round trip each. Jarvis talks with a cute accent and sees knights fighting each other - way more often than I thought was possible.

Sure, I miss stuff. I was a magnanimous people person in h’wood and the solitude of our country cottage is nice, but can get awfully lonely - especially when anyone you want to talk to won’t be awake until mid-afternoon. That said, I do have some great friends in London and my Scottish neighbour (*neighbor) Gavin is a good laugh and always down for a pint at my corner pub. I miss a lot of foods but can craft a decent facsimile of most things. I flew with four pounds of frozen chorizo and chihuahua cheese when we came back this summer because they have nothing remotely close.  And the “Kentucky bourbon” made in France and Germany is… passable.

I have no idea what the hell any of this means - I spent decades trying to relate any headway in this business to peers and students and the one thing I stressed most was - “It’s your own journey no one gets successful like anyone else.” I used to roll my eyes when people went to celebrities for advice and I’d overhear something along the lines of  “First, get discovered when your 16…then, sign with CAA”  So, the only insight I want to share is in regards to the fact I know a lot of people struggle with when to “cut and run.”  Was this the right move? can’t say yet,  but I do know we were happier this year than the last three in L.A. and we have A LOT of new experiences (*and phrases) to show for it.

Cheers!

I left out the political stuff - because it’s just the same here now :(