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[quickestgold]

Still Alive: Dr. Jack Abbot x Reader

Part 2 of Still Life

Synopsis: Delivery complications during the birth of your son leave Jack caught between grief and hope, life and loss. In the stillness that follows, those who witnessed it begin to confront their own silent trauma, navigating recovery, healing and bonding with a newborn.

Warnings: Angst, but also comfort this time; Very graphic descriptions of a traumatic birth, massive blood loss, life support, mentions of maternal death stats, abortion, overall pretty heavy, please take care!!

Word count: 3.4k+

A/n: Can you tell I'm incredibly passionate about reproductive health and bodily autonomy!! This turned a bit political... whoops!

Also, you guys basically held me at gunpoint to write this lmfao… hope you like it!! name and shame special mentions: @florenceivy @bungurus @happyfox43 @pearlofthepitt @angrytimemachineduck @pear-1206 @yousigned-upforthis @blushinginapril @theblackestvalkyrie @csigeoblue @xxemmarldxx @travelingmypassion <3

“You did so good, my love." Jack whispers. "So fucking good.” He wraps a blanket around you both, trying to shield you from the cold, from the storm, from everything.

The placenta came out whole. That should’ve been the end of it.

The start of your little family.

Robby watches the three of you fondly, though his movements stay clinical and focused.

Jack, now fully stepping into the role of husband and father, lets him take charge.

With a calm, gentle bedside manner, Robby cleans you as gently as he can with the supplies he has available, assessing the extent of your perineal tear and preparing to suture.

The aftermath of the miracle of life, raw, exposed, brutal.

You don‘t feel any of it. The world rests on your chest, a warm, perfect weight. Your baby’s tiny breaths brush against your flushed, clammy skin.

For a few peaceful seconds, the three of you breathe in perfect harmony. A beautiful rhythm that creates an unbreakable bond between you.

Your souls tied together by invisible strings.

The emotions, the hormones and the love are overwhelming.

But bliss never lingers. Never long enough.

The surgical blanket between your legs suddenly turns dark.

Then comes the gush.

A wave of blood pours out of your body. And it keeps coming.

To much. Too fast.

Robby reacts instantly, but he can‘t keep up.

Jack’s eyes grow wide, his face goes pale.

Primary postpartum hemorrhage.

You’re not supposed to die giving birth. Not here. Not now.

Not with Jack watching.

But you‘ve seen this before. Too many times.

Women bleeding out on tables.

Partners gripping their hands, helpless, as the world stops making sense.

The devastating truth is, maternal death rates in the U.S. are shockingly high and for women of color, the risk is even two to three times higher.

It‘s bias, delayed care, systemic neglect.

It's a lack of research, a lack of funding.

A deep, persistent lack of interest in women‘s health.

Our pain sidelined.

Ignored.

Normalized.

The system continues to fail women and people with a uterus.

Jack knows that. Robby does too.

That’s why the moment the bleeding starts, they don’t waste time. They’ve seen how fast a name turns into a number.

How a tragedy turns into a statistic, that ultimately changes nothing.

Robby calls out for Jack to assist, before starting a uterine massage to stimulate contraction.

Jack’s eyes flicker to Robby’s, his hand deep inside you. That part doesn’t register until later.

You don‘t respond to the pain. Not a good sign.

You‘re going into shock.

Robby‘s gloves are soaked. Your blood literally on his hands. The massage isn‘t working. Not fast enough anyway.

Robby shouts orders at Dana, voice trembling, then turns to Jack. “Start the IV.“

Jack's trained for this. But he hesitates.

Frozen.

Jack never freezes.

Always calm and collected, even during the most chaotic, traumatizing cases.

Robby knows the feeling. There have been one or two instances where time stood still for him too. Where his body was suddenly not his own, even though others counted on him.

He needs Jack, now.

You need him.

Robby is only thinking in units, how many you‘ve lost, how many you need.

This isn’t a slow bleed. This is the kind that kills people.

Fast.

“Jack!” Still no answer. “Dr. Abbot!“ Robby‘s desperate yell finally snaps Jack back into professional mode.

He moves. Slides out from under you, gently guiding you onto your back, cradling your head.

He rushes to switch out with Robby, now massaging your uterus with one hand, the other pressing firmly on your abdomen.

Robby swiftly takes your boy from your arms, leaving you dazed and confused.

“It‘s okay, he‘s okay.“ Robby’s eyes lock with yours for a second. “We need to stop the bleeding.“

You don‘t hear any of it, your world being ripped from you.

Robby passes the baby through the elevator door to Dana, who cradles him close, rocking gently.

Jack returns to your side, settling at your head again, cupping your face.

Robby works quickly. He inserts a Bakri balloon through your cervix, inflating it with sterile fluid to put pressure on the uterine wall.

You don‘t see any of it.

The world just... stops.

It’s been a week since Jack and Robby fought to save your life.

A week since you bled out on the cold elevator floor.

A week since you took your last breath on your own.

Jack hasn‘t left your bedside, except maybe the odd trip to the bathroom, but otherwise he's been still.

The image of a tube down your throat forever burnt into his mind. Your exhausted body hooked up to machines that he knows keep you alive. That breathe for you now.

As a doctor, Jack knows the truth: one flipped switch and you’d be gone.

But as a partner, as a new father, he clings to the hope that you‘ll come back.

Jack feels paralyzed, fear, guilt and helplessness weighing him down.

The life you have built together is on hold, a deep stillness filling the air.

All he can do is wait for something to change. Either one way or the other. But in this moment, time seems to stand still.

It’s also been a week since your son was born.

Sometimes, Jack has to remind himself of that. That there's a whole new life now, suddenly depending on him.

But ridden with guilt, he finds himself unable to care for your boy in this time of crisis.

Dana brings the baby in sometimes, places him gently on your chest. Skin-to-skin. For the baby and the mom.

Those are the rare moments Jack lets himself feel it. The love. The dream.

A glimpse of what was supposed to be.

Until the sadness floods back in.

He failed you. As a husband. As a doctor.

How could he not save you?

“She‘s so still.“ Jack says under his breath.

“She‘s still alive, Jack.“ Robby‘s voice is kind but firm. He sits across from him on the other side of your bed, watching Jack carefully. “She needs you to believe in that.“

Jack just stares at you. “We‘ve both seen how most of these go“

“I know.“ Robby looks at you then your boy resting calmly on your chest. “But we‘re not there yet."

Robby picks up your son's tiny hand. Instinctively, those small fingers wrap around Robby’s.

“He has your smile“, Robby laughs softly.

Jack‘s frown lines soften. “And her eyes.“

The realization makes Jack smile. Robby gives him a nod, as if he just proved his point.

“Add some silver to those curls, a bit of unhealthy cynicism and a dash of existential dread… voilá!“

That earns a chuckle.

Jack rolls his eyes. “We both know I’m the healthy one.”

“Healthy is a stretch, brother.“ Robby raises an eyebrow. “I have talked you off a ledge or two.“

Jack snorts. "Ditto. Why did I even give you my therapist‘s number if you‘re not gonna use it.“

“What makes you think I haven‘t.“ A smile tugs at Robby‘s lips.

“Get out.“ Jack stares. “Have you?“

“Yes, actually“, Robby’s tone turns proud.

“When?"

He doesn’t need to answer. Jack already knows.

They both look at you.

The irony isn't lost on Jack. He is the one that hasn‘t made an appointment since it happened. Too afraid to leave your side.

When he thought about losing you before - and he has, of course, he‘s seen too much loss, too much death - he always knew he would find himself on a roof not soon after.

But now. Now another life depends on him. Regardless of whether you leave them.

“You know what happened isn‘t your fault, right?“ Jack puts the question out there, though he knows the answer.

Robby just shakes his head. And in that moment Jack realizes the guilt that‘s weighing on Robby too.

He wants to shake him, tell him he couldn’t have done more. But he also understands. Somehow, sharing the guilt makes it all a little more bearable.

“She wants you to be godfather.“ Jack says before he can overthink it. “I do too, in case that‘s not obvious.“

Robby‘s eyes widen in surprise, too stunned to speak.

“I know, I know, first the baby‘s name, now this.“ Jack furrows his brows. “If I didn‘t know any better I‘d be jealous…“

Back in his body, Robby finds his voice. “When you say it like that, he kind of does have my nose…“

“Careful, fruitcake-“

“I swear to god, Abbot, if you call me that again-“

A soft cry cuts through the banter.

Both men go still.

Jack stares at his son.

The frown lines on Jack‘s face, suddenly deep as ever. Jack realizes that he hasn‘t actually held his boy. Not really, apart from the few short moments when he places him on your chest.

And certainly not like a father should.

Whereas Robby has visited the NICU after every shift, occasionally even during his breaks. Checking, caring, guarding.

He's ready to hold him if Jack is not.

Robby's seen it many times. How deeply partners are affected by birth trauma too. It‘s the kind of silent pain that eats away at people.

The guilt, the helplessness. The shame, for even feeling this way, when it didn‘t physically happen to them.

The scars cut deep, even if they aren‘t the ones that carry them.

Their partners are the ones fighting for their lives, so surely they have no right to feel so broken. They have to be strong for the both of them. To hold the family together.

But as doctors, they know that‘s not how it works.

And yet no one speaks of it.

So they suffer in silence.

And even though Jack has all of the practical and theoretical knowledge, he still falls victim to it.

Robby doesn‘t push, he‘s just there.

Still.

But this time, Jack moves first. He reaches for his boy, lifts him into his arms. Holds him against his chest.

The crying fades. Jack’s doesn’t.

Tears fall down his cheeks as he rocks the baby gently.

“We‘ll be okay." He whispers into his son’s soft curls. "You, me and your mommy.“ He exhales, eyes shut. “She loves you so much. And I know she can‘t wait to meet you."

Jack has felt lost since the moment your eyes closed. But now... he finds you again.

In your baby’s eyes.

And he can‘t help but feel a wave of love wash over him.

You made this tiny human together. And he‘s every bit as beautiful as you‘d expect.

All the pain, the sadness and the fear briefly stop for a moment of peace.

Jack stays like this for what feels like hours. Robby was called away for a critical case at some point, though Jack didn't really notice when he left.

He doesn‘t notice Dana standing in the doorway either, until she raises her voice slightly to speak. “You‘re a natural, Jack.“

Her words are kind and affirmative and just what Jack needs.

Dana is perceptive like that. Always knows what to say to make others feel better even when her own life is falling apart.

Even in times of deep crisis, she is the first to step up and help.

And that‘s what she did for you.

When Jack and Robby were working on you, desperately trying to stop you from bleeding out, her helping hands were a safe haven for your boy.

But it also affected her. She was used to compartmentalizing, but seeing her colleague, her friend, on the floor, pale, not breathing and still, left a scar.

And she too feels like this is something she can‘t speak of. Because again, what right does she have.

So she carries it with her. Silently.

She feels it every time she comes into your room to brush your hair. When she moisturizes your face and hands. When she strokes her thumb over your frown line.

She tells you about her day and your boy‘s.

Jack is there too of course.

He never leaves.

It‘s the only time when Jack allows himself to rest his eyes for a bit, a deep trust that Dana's watching over you.

“Want me to take him up to the NICU?“ Dana offers gently.

“Thank you." Jack contemplates for a moment before shaking his head. "I‘ve got it.“

He moves to stand, his eyes flickering to you then back to Dana.

“I‘ve got her“, she assures him with a warm smile, taking a seat next to you.

As he moves towards the door, Dana suddenly stops him. “What the hell did you to her hair, Abbot?“

Jack just shrugs innocently.

Dana scoffs, lightly cursing under her breath. "Men."

Jack returns a small smile, leaving your room for the first time in a week, cradling his newborn.

Like many times before, Robby spends his break in your room.

Dana has just finished your beauty routine. Fixing the mess on your head that Jack clumsily left.

Robby watches the two of you fondly. There are no words needed. Just a silent appreciation of the people in his life. In yours.

He thinks back to when he picked up the phone to call the therapist Jack recommended. He was sobbing, hands shaking, voice trembling, breathing unsteady. Just minutes earlier, he had put you on life support. No time to process.

And of course, it brought everything back. The memory of taking Dr. Adamson, his mentor, his friend, off ECMO. The grief still raw.

So Robby dialed the number and made an appointment. A tiny win in itself. Although, he'd later realize wasn't so small after all.

The therapist was nice enough. Though Robby felt like he was being assessed. Because, of course, he was.

Doctors make the worst patients. Especially, in therapy.

They know too much, often feel they're above being treated. Above being helped.

Physician heal thyself.

Collins' words echo in his mind.

Robby remembers when Heather told him about the miscarriage.

His heart broke for her.

Though he wasn't the father, so was it his place to feel devastated?

Or when she told him she had an abortion, long after they broke up. He wanted to cry. Not because he didn't respect her decision. It's her body and he would have supported her no matter what.

No. Because she was scared and alone. Felt like she couldn't come to him and tell him. To share the weight of her choice.

He believes he failed her.

Like he failed you.

He should probably make another appointment.

There've been a few breakthroughs in the couple of sessions he's attended. His therapist made him start a journal. Write down all the things that plague his mind.

So he does. The words practically pouring out of him.

Robby writes about how partners are mostly an afterthought when it comes to birth trauma.

How they're expected to be strong, to support, to hold down the fort and to move on.

How there are little to no resources for families and loved ones.

How there's no funding, no research and too much stigma.

How much it would help people feel less alone if they could actually talk about it.

How birth trauma doesn't begin and end with the person giving birth.

And mostly he thinks about you in this bed, still, unconscious, far away. How it’s simply to much to bear alone. But he cannot bring himself to translate those thoughts onto paper.

Not when there‘s still hope.

The monitors beep. A sudden change. Something is different.

Your eyes flutter, your muscles twitch, the sound of faint gags fill the room.

Robby rushes to your side, quickly assessing if you're ready to breathe on your own.

You pass the criteria, so he orders Dana to prep for extubation, attempting to calm you down.

You try to inhale, but it’s wrong. Your throat is on fire. Your jaw tight.

A hand finds yours. Dana. "You're okay, honey. You're okay."

But something’s in your throat, a deep panic tears through your chest and you choke, eyes widening.

Someone else is speaking, pleading. "I know, I know it hurts. We’re getting it out. Hang on for me.” The voice is too familiar, but you can‘t place it.

You gag, something slick is pulled from deep inside you. It feels like you're being sliced open.

The second the sharp object leaves your throat, you gasp like you're taking your first breath. Like you've drowned and you're coming up for air.

You cough and cough, terrified and breathless. Eyes heavy.

Then you hear his voice. Again. Clearer this time.

Your eyes flutter open, focusing, trying to find something to hold onto. That makes sense. Anything.

"My love."

Jack.

Jack steps closer, cradling your head, his other palm resting gently on your chest. "You're still here." He says it like he's convincing himself.

Your eyes soften, your breathing steadies. You barely take in your surroundings, your only focus is Jack.

"You're okay." He's clinging to your face now. "God, I missed those eyes."

Your thoughts clear. Memories start flooding back.

Michael. But the words don‘t leave your throat.

Jack studies your face, patiently.

You try again. A whisper.

"Michael."

"I'm here", Robby answers, though you swear he's made that joke before.

You attempt to shake your head, though it's more of a twitch.

"I know you're not talking about me." Robby admits, gesturing to someone in the doorway.

The you hear it. Tiny cooing filling the air.

Your sweet baby.

A fragile sob escapes your lips. You look at Jack, who helps you sit up just enough.

Every muscle aches, every joint throbs, every scar burns, but a sudden energy surges through you. You lift your arms just enough for Dana to place your boy into your waiting arms. Like you found the missing piece of the puzzle. Like you're finally where you belong.

Jack wraps his arm around your shoulders, his other hand steadying yours as you cradle your boy.

"He has your smile", you whisper lovingly, gazing up at your partner.

Robby and Jack share a look and you wonder what that's about. Though it looks like Robby feels very much validated.

"All I see is you", Jack counters, adoration and devotion in his gaze. Jack leans in to press his forehead to yours, your lips quickly finding his in a gentle, needed kiss.

When you pull apart, you turn to Robby and Dana.

"You were there..."

They look at you, unsure where you're going.

“It matters”, you continue. “All of it. So don’t… don’t carry this alone.”

A beat. The room goes quiet.

"You nearly died and you're worried about us?" Dana chokes.

“I want Mikey to know… that the people who brought him into this world are the ones who stood still for us when everything else stopped.”

You take a breath.

“Will you be his godparents?”

Dana nods fast, like she’s trying to keep tears from falling.

Robby stands there, arms crossed, head bowed. Evidently moved by your question, but there's something else.

You groan, narrowing your eyes. "Jack already asked you, didn't he?"

Robby hesitates, scratching his neck and looking anywhere but at you. There's no way to talk himself out of that one, so he confesses.

You drop your head back onto the pillow with a theatrical sigh, then shoot Jack a look. He raises his hands in mock-surrender, a genuine smile growing on his lips.

You turn back to Robby, expectantly.

"Of course", he smiles. "I'd be honored."

"I don't know if I should be glad or offended you didn't ruin the surprise for me too", Dana deadpans, turning to Jack.

Jack scrambles to change the subject. "You know... Robby went to see my therapist."

"You what?" You blink. “Oh my God… I called it. Group therapy is happening.”

Robby tries not to look too smug.

You turn to Jack, still grinning. “Does that make him the stable one now?”

Jack groans, “Don't start.”

There's a refreshing lightness in the air, that none of you have felt for a while.

You know the road to recovery is long and that healing is a process. You'll grieve the time you've missed with your son. The milestones you weren't there for.

But the people in this very room were with you during the worst time of your life and you know you’ll make it through this too.

Together.

You hold your son closer. And Jack holds you.

In that moment, you realize that trauma is shared and that naming it is a kind of healing.

Ok I need to stop, this story already got away from me, didn‘t intend for it to be so long but here we are. Please lmk what you think <3

[caffeinewitchcraft]

I don't think it's talked about enough how truly buck wild our level/speed of communication is. We didn't have this 100 years ago! And even then it's only been in the last 20-30 we really embraced technology and our global stage.

Our communities are still experiencing huge upheavals around this and we don't acknowledge it because of all the benefits being wired in brings. You can find jobs and resources and entertainment, sure, but you also have to have accounts here, here and here to access healthcare or a rent portal or TV.

On one end we have an elderly class that is overwhelmed. They learned complex systems already! Taxes, licensing, registration. They know where the offices are - right down the street. Why the change? "Because this site simplifies it." Does it? Does it really? Is it really more simple when someone has to have reliable access to a computer, the wherewithal to make/check an email, and the ability to navigate ten different sites to access the one they want? Why can't they go meet their doctor in person when that's the way it's been since they were children? Why did they learn to make eye contact and shake hands if not for this?

On the other, we have a younger generation that has been tasked with absorbing a huge amount of information since day one. Their brains have to work differently because the tools given to them are different than the ones older generations received. Of course they can find a primary care physician. The site operates like the one they were forced to learn in high school to turn in assignments! And why should they know how to do taxes or balance a checkbook? They were tasked with learning how to navigate the internet - they know where the information is. In a sea of "right now" demands and "this shouldn't take long because you can Google it" assignments, they have to be selective in what takes their attention.

We are currently between a time of "trust the process" and "immediately." So many people feel unheard or ignored because of this. The elderly feel isolated, helpless, and stonewalled. The youth feel anxious, mocked, and bullied.

The world changed and it happened invisibly.

[ivesambrose]

Your 2025,

Happy New Year my loves 🤎

Frost & Fortune | 2025 Readings ✨

Services Offered

Client Love

Thank you for the tip 🎀

Picture 1

your central theme for this year deals with self expression, creativity, romance, children or your inner child as well as your health. You'll be refining your daily routine and approach your life with more structure and purpose instead of spontaneously doing what you want. A lot of you may have struggled with creative burn out or procrastination in the previous year but you'll be pushed out of your comfort zone when it comes to that. I see that some of you will sit down with yourself and really ask, "will a much younger and naive and vulnerable version of me truly look up to me or be happy with what I've become and who I am as a person?" In this question you'll find your answers and the changes you need to make. You might be a bit critical of yourself initially but understand that constrictive criticism towards yourself and making and effort afterwards is also a healthy thing to do. Some of you might even turn a turn a possible passion into a part of your daily life this can be getting a job that you're truly happy about it something that lets you fit in what you want to do into your daily routine efficiently. You might face situations that will test your resilience. You'll learn how to not emotionally lash out in situations. Keep your cool and decorum and navigate accordingly. You'll also learn how to pick your battles carefully. relationships will be significant focus. You'll learn who to associate with, who not to, how to show up for yourself and the significant people in your life. How to establish boundaries between you and the ones you consider acquaintances as well. Not everyone is your friend and shouldn't be. Some of you might be interacting with a lot of people possibly for career related purposes. Learn when to unwind, detach and take time solely for yourself. Don't fall into the trap of people pleasing. Certain relationships might be deepening too. Some of you might change homes or completely renovate your existing home. Some of you might be asserting your independence within your family as well. Others of you might be leaving your home/parents home and venturing off by yourselves learning how to navigate the world on your own and finding your voice. Your immediate environment will also play a prominent role in your life this year. Also expect a lot of short trips, learning and networking. Start of year: Focus on grounding yourself and building a solid foundation. It's okay to take things slow you're not running a marathon. Bring your focus on long term plans, establishing security at the same time enjoying life's pleasures.

Middle of year: Refine, work with diligence, keep a tracker or planner/journal, health(mind and body) will be primary focus.

End of year: Step into the spotlight and celebrate your growth. Look back at yourself with pride.

Picture 2

Your most transformative year yet. Central theme of destiny and finding one's soul's purpose. You'll be stepping out of your comfort zone regardless of the type of comfort it brought you and venture out into the unknown. The change will be profound and unlike anything you've experienced but it has been a long time coming. This will transform you into the person you're meant to be. Don't be scared. You have wanted this. Financial matters, inheritances, joint ventures might also play a role in your growth. Intuition will be at an all time high be sure to listen to what your instincts are telling you before being persuaded by the masses. You'll also be making a lot of meaningful connections this year. You'll finally be taking off a mask and freeing yourself from a cage you had put yourself in or felt you were in. You'll be honing your existing skills and learning new ones and will be manifesting opportunities extensively for yourself. All you need is blind faith. You'll be pushed to trust the unseen and the unknown. Put logic aside when it comes to your dreams and goals and other pursuits this year. Things will only make sense by the end of it. You'll be stepping into a more leadership role this year. People will be inspired by your confidence as well as charisma. There may even be a drastic change in your overall appearance or the way you talk and present yourself. Some of you might be moving away states or countries. It will be because it's time for you to pursue your dreams fearlessly. It's not about chasing them anymore, it's about making them a part of your reality so that it becomes normal and not something out of reach. A lot of people will be enamored by you and you might end up becoming their muse. You might also feel deeply connected to your spiritual side as well and have related experiences. Many experiences, places, people and even your dreams will inspire you immensely. Lot of deja vu moments as well. Again, trust in your gut feeling about places and people. You'll feel deeply connected to something this year, it will feel like home somehow or a part of you. This year is about finding the lost pieces of yourself and building cathedrals within your soul. You have immense power. Trust it. Start of year: A focus on building meaningful partnerships. Forging new ones too. (Professional, romantic or personal) Collaborations and commitments as well.

Middle of year: Communication, learning, trips, networking, ideas and recognition. Collecting and making a lot of memories. Lot of mental stimulation.

End of year: Significant development in your professional life, building a legacy, fame, reputation and taking note of your personal achievements.

Picture 3

Your central theme is personal growth through higher learning, expansion of ideas and unconventional approaches to life. This year is big on exploration as well as travel for you. You may have been following the norms or what's expected from you for a long time or because that was the only thing that was available to you so haven't yet gotten the chance to step out of the box but this will be changing now. This year also emphasizes focused determination and victory. All your obstacles will be overcome with sheer discipline. Remember where your awareness and focus goes, energy flows. Things will also gain momentum this year compared to the previous one so don't be surprised if things start coming through all at once after a period of stagnation. This is a good year for your creative pursuits as well as love. If you're a lover girl/lover boy, congratulations! Please romanticize your life even further actually. I feel as though you'll find someone or friends and people who are just as willing to pour into you and give as much as you do. You'll be learning to receive and nurture this year. Some of you might also be going for higher education which in itself is a huge achievement, please be proud of you and your academic achievements. You'll be very proficient in problem solving and finding clarity too. Your head will feel less like an entanglement of sizzling wires. you will be attracting individuals who balance out your energy and propell you forward as well. A lot of exchange of ideas and experiences. You may also want to build a community or become a part of one. A lot of you will be finding new hobbies as well and actually be sticking to them. Deep transformation is also unavoidable. Certain hidden aspects or information might come up but it will bring you more clarity than trauma. You will learn how to make proper financial investments or receive money from unknown or unconventional resources. You'll also feel like a version of you has died and is long gone but a new one blooms and makes sure those around you bloom as well. I feel a lot of you will make sure you turn your life into art/a cinematic experience this year no matter what. Start of year: You'll be cautious and communicative, pursuing knowledge and expanding your network. Let your voice be heard, let your ideas be known. New conversations, contracts, opportunities etc.

Middle of year: Noticeable and visible progress in every area of your life. Enjoy your journey.

End of year: A more balanced and harmonious energy, a focus on relationships as well as making yourself and your surroundings more beautiful.

[nasa]

Setting Sail to Travel Through Space: 5 Things to Know about our New Mission

Our Advanced Composite Solar Sail System will launch aboard Rocket Lab’s Electron rocket from the company’s Launch Complex 1 in Māhia, New Zealand no earlier than April 23, at 6 p.m. EDT. This mission will demonstrate the use of innovative materials and structures to deploy a next-generation solar sail from a CubeSat in low Earth orbit.

Here are five things to know about this upcoming mission:

1. Sailing on Sunshine

Solar sails use the pressure of sunlight for propulsion much like sailboats harness the wind, eliminating the need for rocket fuel after the spacecraft has launched. If all goes according to plan, this technology demonstration will help us test how the solar sail shape and design work in different orbits.

2. Small Package, Big Impact

The Advanced Composite Solar Sail System spacecraft is a CubeSat the size of a microwave, but when the package inside is fully unfurled, it will measure about 860 square feet (80 square meters) which is about the size of six parking spots. Once fully deployed, it will be the biggest, functional solar sail system – capable of controlled propulsion maneuvers – to be tested in space.

3. Second NASA Solar Sail in Space

If successful, the Advanced Composite Solar Sail System will be  the second NASA solar sail to deploy in space, and not only will it be much larger, but this system will also test navigation capabilities to change the spacecraft’s orbit. This will help us gather data for future missions with even larger sails.

4. BOOM: Stronger, Lighter Booms

Just like a sailboat mast supports its cloth sails, a solar sail has support beams called booms that provide structure. The Advanced Composite Solar Sail System mission’s primary objective is to deploy a new type of boom. These booms are made from flexible polymer and carbon fiber materials that are stiffer and 75% lighter than previous boom designs. They can also be flattened and rolled like a tape measure. Two booms spanning the diagonal of the square (23 feet or about 7 meters in length) could be rolled up and fit into the palm of your hand!

5. It’s a bird...it’s a plane...it’s our solar sail!

About one to two months after launch, the Advanced Composite Solar Sail System spacecraft will deploy its booms and unfurl its solar sail. Because of its large size and reflective material, the spacecraft may be visible from Earth with the naked eye if the lighting conditions and orientation are just right!

To learn more about this mission that will inform future space travel and expand our understanding of our Sun and solar system, visit https://www.nasa.gov/mission/acs3/.

Make sure to follow us on Tumblr for your regular dose of space!

[bokutoko]

KITA BF HEADCANONS ౨ৎ

cw: ts!kita x f!reader (mentions of baby fever/him wanting a family with reader), use of “sweetheart"

- he is the epitome of a gentleman. he’s not just a ‘nice guy’—he’s a good man. not only is he opening doors to places for you, he’s also holding it open for the elderly couple that walks in right behind you both. he makes sure you walk with him on the side of the sidewalk furthest from the road, and he makes sure the family of six kids crosses the street safely. he always pays for your food, and if he finds a homeless person asking for spare change, he makes sure to buy an extra side for them to eat. he’s not only good to you, but to everyone he comes across.

- his favorite place to kiss is your temple. on the softest/weakest part of the human skull, he loves to press soft, chaste kisses against it when you’re still half asleep in bed, when you return home from work all exhausted and/or cranky, when you sit outside with him and watch the sunset together.

- his granny adores you. she loves to come over and cook with you (she has shared all of kita’s favorite recipes with you), chat with you over tea, and offer life advice (both solicited and unsolicited). she tells kita how lucky he is and how he better be good to you. as if he needs to be told that!

- imagine him coming home one evening, sweaty and cheeks slightly pink from the sun after a long summer day outside. you’ve surprised him by coming over and making his favorite meal. you’re standing by the stove, and you turn around to see him gazing at you with soft eyes and a gentle smile. “what’s all this?” he’d ask with even pinker cheeks as you tell him to not worry about anything other than freshening up before supper. (oh god lemme stop here bc now i want to write a fic abt this…)

- his primary love languages are acts of service and words of affirmation. he loves to do things for you to make your life easier. oh, you’ve been wanting to get into gardening? he’s building you a planter box and buying soil and seeds of your favorite flowers/veggies/fruits. feeling sad that all your plants died? he’s telling you that everything’s okay, and that sometimes, no matter how much love you give, sometimes, it just isn’t enough. “plants sure are finicky. i'll help ya plant some more.”

- he is the personification of “soft, gentle love.” even during times that you may be acting high-strung/stressed/overwhelmed about things, he is the one calming you down with his calm, patient demeanor. he doesn’t raise his voice/yell, he doesn’t say things in the heat of anger. he just says, “take a deep breath for me, sweetheart. we’ll get through this.”

- he uses his granny’s engagement ring to propose to you (wrote abt this here & here). he is a man looking to marry! and it’s not the biggest ring, but it had been passed down through his family, and it's perfect—you don’t need an expensive, shiny rock on your finger in order to love him.

- he has such a big heart. he genuinely has so much love to give to others, and he’s so lucky to be able to share it with you.

bonus:

- once one of the miya twins (osamu) has a baby, he gets baby fever… severely. he can’t help but to want little ones with your eyes and big smile giggling and waddling around the farm.

a/n: kita… i love u…

masterlist | navigation

please do not copy, alter, or repost my work. ©bokutoko 2025.

[fantastic-nonsense]

An Explanation of DC's Multiple Universal Reboots and How to Navigate DCU Canon

This is an expansion of a shorter explanation I gave on my Batfam Starter Recs reading list. I figured it might be helpful to have it as a standalone explanation for new comic readers learning how to navigate DC's various attempts to deal with the concept of canon.

The Multiverse is a storytelling device within DC Comics that explains how most of the comics DC has published are tied together or are separate from each other. There exists a "main" universe, where most of DC's published comics collectively take place, and then several alternate universes where things happened differently than they did in the main universe. The multiverse allows writers to explore various concepts like "what if the Jack the Ripper murders happened in Victorian-era Gotham?" and "what if DC's women were the primary heroes of their universe and fought in World War II?" without affecting anything going on in the main universe.

DC Comics canon works in three "mainline" universes:

the pre-Crisis universe (everything published from the beginning of DC Comics until the Crisis on Infinite Earths event in 1986)

the post-Crisis universe (everything published between 1986 and 2011)

the post-Flashpoint universe (everything published from 2011-now)

In the 1980s, management at DC decided that continuity had become too outdated, convoluted, and contradictory to tell coherent stories within a shared universe as more stories were told, new characters were introduced, and new context to prior stories was added. The company had previously attempted to solve this problem in the 1960s by publishing "Flash of Two Worlds," assigning existing stories to two different universes (Earth-One and Earth-Two), and creating a smattering of other alternate universes (Earth-Three was the home of the Crime Syndicate, evil AU versions of the Justice League, for example), but found that this did not actually solve the issue.

So. They decided to do a total universal reboot. That reboot was initiated by the company-wide crossover event known as Crisis on Infinite Earths, published from 1985 to 1986.

COIE effectively rebooted the entire internal DC Universe from the dawn of time onward. A new universal history now existed: the vast majority of characters/character history, history, and events from the varying alternate timelines that existed in the previous universe were retold, retooled, condensed, and/or thrown out in favor of a new, theoretically streamlined single reality. From 1986-2011, DC Comics mainline continuity was published in this shared universe, which industry professionals and fans alike called the 'post-Crisis' universe; in-universe, we refer to this primary version of DC's continuity "New Earth" (or occasionally, Earth-0).

For a wide variety of reasons that I won't get into here, DC completely rebooted their universe again in 2011 following the Flashpoint event comic. This new primary universe—interchangeably called the New 52 universe, post-Flashpoint universe, or Prime Earth, depending on the conversation—once again drastically changed many characters’ histories, personalities, and relationships with each other (sometimes for the better, most of the time for the worse). This is the current universe for DC's main comic line.

Within these three overarching iterations of the DCU, there were several events aimed to clean up, refresh, or reorganize various continuity problems. You may hear people refer to "post-Zero Hour" continuity, for example, to describe post-Crisis events/character histories that were revamped after Zero Hour: Crisis in Time! was published in 1994. "post-Rebirth" continuity, another common descriptor, refers to the reorganization of the post-Flashpoint/Prime Earth universe that happened after the Rebirth event in 2016.

GENERALLY SPEAKING, these are the most common ones you'll hear about:

Pre-Crisis Universe (1937-1986): "Flash of Two Worlds" (1961)

Post-Crisis Universe (1986-2011): pre/post-Zero Hour (1994-2005), post-Infinite Crisis and One Year Later (2005-2008), & post-Final Crisis (2008-2011)

Post-Flashpoint Universe (2011-present): The New 52 (comics written from 2011-2015), Convergence/DCYou (the first attempt to fix New 52 continuity, lasted from 2014-2016), pre/post-Rebirth (2016-2021)—and within Rebirth continuity there were two events, Dark Knights: Metal and its sequel, Death Metal, that did some minor universal revamps (2018-2021)—and post-Death Metal continuity, also known as Infinite Frontier (2021-present). Dark Crisis (2022) also exists but didn't really change the multiversal lore status quo, just simplified the explanation.

Other important universal lore-related things to note about these events:

Prior to Crisis on Infinite Earths, the DCU was an "infinite multiverse." There were no limits on the number of alternate universes that existed and no in-depth explanation for how they were connected or unconnected to the DCU's main timeline.

COIE destroyed the infinite multiverse and condensed everything into one, single universe. Between 1986 and 2005, there were technically no acknowledged alternate universes beyond the "antimatter universe."

"Hypertime" was created by Mark Waid and Alex Ross in 1999 as a way to get around this rule and eventually became the "go-to" way of explaining and fixing various continuity errors. Hypertime is a network of alternate timeline "echoes" that branch off from the main DCU timeline and occasionally overlap with each other, causing alterations in reality.

Since there could only be one timeline, continuity discrepencies were often "fixed" by explaining that one version of events happened in a previous, now destroyed timeline (that characters may or may not remember). Characters could cross from one timeline to another if needed, but any changes resulting from time travelers messing with events caused the destruction of their orginal timeline.

The "Elseworlds" imprint was another method of writing alternate universe stories without explicitly acknowledging the multiverse existed. DC officially just called these books "non-canon" stories without trying to explain how they existed in relation to the main universe. Most if not all of these stories are now considered part of the multiverse.

The infinite multiverse was briefly restored after Infinite Crisis in 2005 and then merged into a single 52-universe multiverse the year afterwards in 52. This new, limited multiverse was explained as there being an "original" Earth (Earth-0) with each successive universe being further and further removed from that one.

The initial post-Flashpoint/New 52 explanation of the multiverse was that there was a limited 52-universe multiverse. That explanation was somewhat overwritten after Rebirth and fully retconned after Death Metal.

Death Metal introduced the concept of the "omniverse," a multiverse of infinite multiverses. Yes, this is dumb. Yes, we generally ignore it and it has now been fully retconned.

The "Dark Multiverse" (a temporary "dark negative counterpart" of each Multiverse reality created by the fears of a universe's people) is theoretically a thing that exists. No, no one else really understands it either and the concept is generally restricted to the two Metal events.

Since Dark Crisis, the DCU is once again a single infinite multiverse in the vein of late pre-Crisis continuity. Every universe and continuity exists, and some are closer to the mainline reality than others.

Right now, the main DCU is once again a singular multiverse with an infinite number of universes. Technically, every version of "mainline universe" history throughout the existence of the multiverse is now considered to have occurred and is remembered by the inhabitants of Prime Earth. In practice, this means that "everything is nebulously canon or non-canon until explicitly acknowledged by a writer to have definitively happened and/or be something that a character remembers happening to them."

Unfortunately, not a lot of writers are doing much with that concept right now outside of picking and choosing their favorite parts of mainline canon to focus on and/or re-canonize, but it at least presents a path forward where a lot of the continuity and characterization issues created by the New 52 reboot are able to be properly addressed.

I hope this explanation was helpful for people, and I'm happy to try and field any further questions as well!

[e-vay]

A Guide to My AU ("Evay AU")

Hello! I make art for anything and everything I love, but if you follow me you'll find that a large amount of my content is centered around my own Sonic AU. I thought I'd make a handy little guide for those of you who are new and just learning about my AU or for those of you who have been following me but might want a refresher.

★This guide is a living document that will be continuously amended as I make changes and additions to my stories. ★

♡♡♡♡♡♡

OVERALL PREMISE

My AU centers around Sonic & Friends through adulthood as they navigate relationships, careers, marriage and family. The primary genres are "slice of life" and "romantic comedy" with some action/drama interspersed throughout. My AU mostly follows the video game canon and the IDW canon with some elements from Sonic Boom and Sonic X tossed in and then I created my own characters and stories to fill in the gaps. My AU DOES NOT include the Sonic Cinematic Universe, Archie comics/characters, Fleetway comics/characters, Sonic Prime, SatAM, the OVA, Sonic Underground, the 1992 Manga, etc.

SPECIAL NOTES

In my AU, I depict "Classic" versions of the Sonic cast as their younger selves with their "Modern/Boom" versions being older.

Although my canon does not include Archie/SatAM, I do refer to Sonic characters' classification as "Mobians" and the planet they are on is referred to as Earth/Mobius interchangeably. I credit this as simply "cultural variation" between humans and Sonic characters but they all originate from the same planet.

MOST IMPORTANTLY please remember this is a fanmade AU. Nothing I say, write or draw influences the Sonic franchise or canon in any way. I'm just here to have fun and I hope you enjoy the ride!

KEY

For the timeline below, Canon Sonic characters will be highlighted in blue and my original characters will be highlighted in pink.

If there is a comic or written fic that corresponds with an element of the timeline, I will include it as a hyperlink.

ABRIDGED TIMELINE

Project Shadow is created and suspended.

Domino and Phlox meet. Sonic is conceived.

Domino raises Sonic to approx. toddler age until she loses her life in a flash flood. Sonic is left alone to fend for himself and eventually represses his memories of Domino to cope with the trauma.

Clay Rose and Lulu Petula meet. Together, they have Amy and she lives with her parents until her fortune cards lead her to meeting Sonic.

Majority of the game/IDW canon takes place.

CC (originally labeled as "Code Compiler") is a spherical/ovoid robot created (August 26) by an independent inventor (no relation to the Robotniks) to assist with production. CC's intelligence rapidly evolves and she gains sentience much to her creator's dismay. After a struggle, the inventor powers her off and the workshop falls into disrepair. The building is marked condemned and CC's chassis remains hidden within the rubble.

Sonic and Phlox run into each other on several occasions. Neither realize they are related.

Amy begins her pursuit of archaeological studies.

A mystery woman going by the name "Light" (who is secretly Aurora from the future) appears and warns Sonic & Team of an oncoming threat that is hellbent on killing Shadow before wreaking havoc on the planet. Light claims she was sent here with the task of protecting Shadow but is not forthcoming with any other information about herself or her 'previous team'. Light & the Team work together to fight off 'the threat' and along the way Shadow develops a romantic interest in Light who also has strong feelings and an allegiance to him for reasons he does not know. Upon defeating the villain, Light must return to where she came from. Shadow tries to discourage her and even asks to accompany her, but she insists that if she stays any longer, she risks causing catastrophic damage. She departs and Shadow vows to find her again.

Rouge and Omega join Shadow in his search to find Light. After combing the globe with no luck, their quest takes them off-world and they go on an interplanetary journey. The three become mercenaries to fund their space expedition.

Knuckles bulks up! His goal of spending time away from Angel Island did him some good!

Sonic and Amy begin a romantic relationship.

Sonic moves in with Amy.

Tails establishes Yellow Sky Industries, a company where he can begin sharing his gadgetry with the world as well as partner up with other innovators to put their genius to good use.

Stone establishes The Mean Bean coffee shop. Much to his delight, Eggman frequents this cafe but is unaware of Stone's affection.

Sonic and Amy get engaged. Upon hearing the news and growing homesick, Rouge and Omega return home, leaving Shadow to continue his journey on his own. While attending the wedding festivities, Knuckles and Rouge rekindle their budding romance.

During one of Eggman's many failed attempts at world domination, he falls victim to a near-fatal accident of his own making. Sonic rescues him, but Eggman loses his right hand in the process. Eggman is forced to reconsider his health and kickstarts some moral dilemmas for him. His attempts at world domination begin to dwindle.

Cream departs home to pursue humanitarian/Mobianitarian(?) efforts

Rouge uses her mercenary wealth to develop her own mining and jewelry business (she does not give up thievery). Knuckles is initially hired on as head excavator, but this job is only temporary until he secures enough money to fund a dream project of his.

With his own money and with the support of Yellow Sky Industries and his friends' investments, Knuckles develops the Young Heroes Program - a nonprofit youth organization. He works full time as a trainer at the program to help empower kids and strengthen the community. Sonic assists YH as needed, but is not a full-time volunteer.

Sonic and Amy decide to start a family. Aurora is conceived.

Rouge and Knuckles get married.

In one last ditch effort to regain Sonic's attention and to encourage Sage to follow in her father's footsteps**(See note), Eggman kidnaps Amy. This triggers her to go into labor early and Aurora is born (March 13). This is the nail in the coffin as far as Eggman's villainous efforts go and he makes an unspoken agreement with Sonic to 'retire' from villainy. He still plans to regularly annoy them by inserting himself into their lives. (**Note: This comic was made before Sage was introduced to the game canon. In retrospect, Sage would have been a part of this story and part of the reason Eggman decided to kidnap Amy, no matter how much Sage discouraged him. Sage instantly bonds with Aurora and vows to be her lifelong friend.)

Amy takes on a second job as an interior designer to support her family while Sonic becomes a stay-at-home dad and focuses most of his time and attention on raising Aurora.

Once Aurora is old enough, she begins attending the YH program. This is the closest Sonic will allow her to participating in any adventures.

Ruff Hyena is born (January 29).

As a defense mechanism against constant bullying from her peers, Aurora’s light powers begin to manifest.

In addition to attending the Young Heroes Program, Aurora begins a mentorship with her Uncle Tails for optics/physics lessons in order to better understand her powers.

Eggman and Stone begin dating.

Aurora begins to experience premonitions in the form of dreams. Amy does her best to help Aurora hone this skill, but without much success.

Tumble Hyena is born (January 30). Ruff and Tumble are abandoned and left to fend on their own before ending up in the foster care system. They remain there for many years.

Aurora develops a crush on a boy named Kyle and they go on a few “playdates”. Aurora invites Kyle over to the house to meet her parents and Sonic does not handle it well. After an argument, Aurora and Kyle agree to not hang out together anymore.

Knuckles and Rouge adopt Ruff and Tumble.

Aurora ages out of the Young Heroes Program. Sonic discourages her from venturing out on her own and convinces her to work for YH instead.

After receiving a heartfelt message from Rouge, Shadow resigns from his quest and returns to Earth. He decides his new mission will be to get to better know the world Maria had always spoken so highly about.

Feeling “stuck” in her life, Aurora broaches the topic of moving out to be on her own. Sonic talks her out of it.

While reconnecting with The Team, Shadow is introduced to Aurora. He instantly recognizes her as the woman he’s spent the last several decades looking for, but doesn’t understand how that’s possible and she is adamant they have never met before. While telling Sonic and Amy of his world travel plans, Aurora offers to be his guide around town as she knows every inch of it. Shadow takes her up on her offer and the two quickly develop a friendship.

Shadow decides it doesn’t matter if Aurora is the Light he formerly met or not. He asks her on a date. Remembering how badly things went the last time one of Aurora’s “boyfriends” and Sonic interacted, she accepts Shadow’s courtship but only if they can keep it a secret for now. Shadow is wary of this, but agrees to her terms.

Keeping secrets from her parents begins to take a toll on Aurora, to the point she is getting sick. She tells Shadow she can’t keep lying to her family, so she tells him they shouldn’t see each other anymore. In hopes to “fix” the situation, Shadow meets with Sonic and Amy to ask their permission to date Aurora. This immediately escalates into a battle between Sonic and Shadow. Aurora intercepts the fight and, heartbroken, she tells Sonic that as much as she wants his blessing, she doesn’t need it, and is going to continue to date Shadow. Sonic, Amy and Aurora have a heart-to-heart to try and reconcile things, but Sonic makes it clear that though Aurora is a grown up and can technically date whoever she wants, she has to follow certain rules while she’s still living in their house.

Tails purchases an abandoned factory to expand Yellow Sky Industries. There, he finds the deactivated CC. He powers her on but she is severely traumatized and significantly damaged. He repairs her and after understanding how advanced her intelligence is, he offers her a job as his lab assistant.

CC quickly develops romantic feelings for Tails.

Knuckles, Rouge, Ruff and Tumble legally change their last names to “Motley”

In her pursuit to become “Mobian,” CC fabricates herself a Mobian-like body.

As Shadow and Aurora’s relationship progresses, they begin to explore more of the world together.

Tails and CC host a charity banquet. Things go awry.

Aurora gets her first apartment. She also begins a singing career.

Tails and CC officially begin a romantic relationship.

Aurora begins to have recurring premonitions about Shadow being in danger. She puts her musical tour on pause to stay vigilant.

A dangerous, mysterious entity appears and attacks The Team, severely wounding several members and nearly killing Shadow. Before the threat can be defeated, it retreats by escaping via time travel where it plans to successfully kill Shadow. With most of The Team out of commission or fearful of altering the timeline, Aurora travels back in time to save Past Shadow and the rest of her family. To protect her identity, she goes by the name “Light.”

Sonic and Shadow reconcile their differences. Sonic becomes noticeably more accepting of Shadow and Aurora’s relationship.

Shadow and Aurora get engaged and move in together.

Aurora continues her musical career.

Shadow and Aurora get married.

Ruff ages out of the Young Heroes Program and in the hopes to follow in Knuckles’ footsteps, he becomes a crime fighter. When Tumble isn’t helping his brother fight crime, he’s working on his own mechs.

Eggman and Stone digitally uploadt heir consciousness to Cyberspace so they can live indefinitely.

Shadow and Aurora decide to start a family. They have their first litter of triplets: Piper, Zane and Nova (November 12).

Shadow and Aurora have a second litter of twins: Aster and Blitz (April 8). At this time, Shadow uses the wealth he’s amassed to construct a large house that can accommodate their growing family.

Shadow and Aurora have a third litter of triplets: Cinder, Diamond and Boon (February 18).

Sonic and Amy return to a life of world traveling.

In addition to attending the Young Heroes Program, Shadow trains all of his children in how to best use their powers for the greater good of the planet.

During a fight, Cinder critically wounds Diamond with his “Stellar Tantrum” power. Boon uses his powers of healing to restore Diamond to full health without any scarring, but Cinder never forgives himself. He becomes withdrawn and distances himself from his family members from this point on.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

You can learn more about my AU by looking through My Art tag, referencing "My (Major) Comics" Directory, or by looking through My AU tag.

[abloginablog]

UPDATED- Feb 21st!!!

I completely understand that he is quite handsome, and the edits really are impressive. However, it's important to remember that he initiated this, to spark a meaningful conversation. His primary concern right now is navigating a system that seeks to use him as an example. He's not focused on dating; his life is literally on the line.

Let’s not allow his sacrifice to be in vain. Thank you to everyone who showed up in New York and for keeping the dialogue alive about U.S. healthcare and its impacts on those who aren't part of the 1%. Your support is invaluable.

THEY CHANGED THE COURT DATE IN HOPES OF THE HYSTERIA DYING DOWN! Feb 21st !!!

Today is the deadline for trial prep and Luigi appears on the 21st.

[haru-natsuka]

The Unending Daze Side Story 3 (Malleus Draconia x Wife Reader)

>> Trailer <<

"My darling wife, the joy you have brought me throughout the years is without compare. Our children are fortunate to have been gifted with such a loving and caring mother as you,"

Malleus spoke with affection, his voice like honeyed words that melted the hearts of everyone that heard it. He leaned down to kiss your forehead, his warm breath brushing against your skin.

But just as you were getting used to this blissful scene, your old friend, Ace arrived in an unexpected turn of events. He claimed that he was your husband, which left you perplexed and bewildered.

"Wait a minute, that's not right! I'm your real husband! He's just trying to manipulate you with a dream. Wake up, now! Our children need you! I need you, Y/N!"

You were unsure how to proceed, caught in the middle of a confusing situation. In this situation, you feel conflicted and uncertain about whether your old friend or your darling husband had spoken the truth.

>> HEAD TO CHAPTER LIST

>> SIDE STORY 3 [END] <<

You stood there, overwhelmed by the abundance of choices before you. The bakery was like a three-tiered bakery, with the aroma of freshly baked goods filling the air. It was no wonder that the place was teeming with customers from all level.

You recalled Lilia's story that this particular bakery had been established hundred years ago by the Clover family. No wonder their food were not like others. The scent that wafted over you felt somehow nostalgic, as if reminiscing about happy memories. So weird.

It was the start of the new year, and you and Malleus had carefully laid out plans to travel to the Queendom of Roses. The purpose of this journey was to expose your future heirs to new experiences and a different cultural background, which would play a crucial role in their upbringing as princes.

Malleus believed that this experience would be invaluable for their development, as it would foster an understanding and appreciation for diverse perspectives. He wanted his sons to grow into well-rounded individuals, able to navigate the complexities of the world with wisdom and compassion.

You had been intrigued by Malleus's decision to travel to the Queendom of Roses. There were, after all, other continents that were closer to the castle, but Malleus had insisted on this destination. You did not question his decision, as your primary focus was on the growth and development of your children. A change of scenery would surely be beneficial for them, given that they had spent most of their lives in the Briar Valley.

"Mama! Mama! That cake looks so good! And that one, and that other one as well! Can't we just buy everything and all those pastries?" Your eldest child, Levan tugged enthusiastically at your hand, his eyes wide with excitement. He pointed at the various cakes and pastries on display.

Levan clearly had a soft spot for sweets, just like any child his age would. He then remembered the taste of the tarte that Lilia had once brought back and quickly added, "We should buy something for Uncle Lilia and Uncle Sebek too!"

Malleus, who was holding his youngest son in his arms, chuckled softly, his eyes softening as he watched his eldest son playfully tug at your hand. He knew that Levan had a sweet tooth just like any child his age, and he found it endearing. With a warm smile, Malleus gently intervened.

"Levan, my boy, don't tug so hard on mama's hand. Be gentle, alright?"

He then added, his voice tinged with a hint of amusement, "But I agree, my love. We should definitely get a few things for Lilia and Sebek"

If this took place years ago, he might bestow a severe punishment his chid as he clearly had taken your attention from him. Malleus initially desired nothing more than your undivided attention focused solely on him.

As time had passed, Malleus gradually learned that sharing your attention with your children was a part of the natural order of things. The possessive gaze he once harbored for you had softened, and now he found himself enjoying the sight of your tender affection towards the children that he and you had created together.

'Our little bundle of joy'

Malleus realized that he had no need for your undivided attention, for he knew wholeheartedly that you would always be his. Even if your focus was divided among your children, your love and devotion would never waver, and that knowledge brought him a profound sense of contentment. He only did discover this from multiple experiments he put on you.

"I want cake too mama, looks so delicious. Can we take some back home?" Your youngest son, Marcellus, shyly peeked at you from his father's broad shoulder, his eyes gleaming with excitement as he saw the delicious cakes and pastries on display. Unable to contain his excitement, he pleaded with you.

Your tone was gentle yet firm as you replied to your young son, "Sure, dear. We could get all the cakes if you really want, but it would be even more enjoyable if we share and keep it to a minimum, alright? We'll take one slice each and share it together. How does that sound, my love?"

You knew all too well that your husband had a history of stomach aches from indulging in an entire cake by himself, and you wanted to avoid a repetition of that unfortunate event. Malleus couldn't help but smile warmly at your response. He knew that if it were up to you, you would buy all the cakes on display, but he appreciated your consideration for his past experience.

"My dearest wife, I am well aware of your propensity to dote on our children, and I must express my profound appreciation for that. You truly are the epitome of sweetness, catering perfectly to my own discerning palate." Malleus couldn't resist commenting on your tendency to spoil your children, as his tone was one laced with gratitude and affection.

"You act like you dont do the same, Malleus. Do you think I dont know about all those toys and gargoyles decorating their rooms are from you, dear? And I know you will do the same for our baby girl too" You changed the focus to the small baby sleeping soundly in your arms. A bundle of emerald blanket was wrapped around her form. That tiny horns of her was still small and the end was not sharp like your husband as it more round as she it would grow later when she got older.

Malleus chuckled softly, his eyes glimmering with affection as he leaned closer to you. "Ah, you've caught me in the act, my dearest. I must confess that those toys and gargoyles indeed originated from me. And of course, I will certainly shower our baby girl with just as much adoration. After all, she takes after her sweet mommy" He gently caressed his baby girl's cheek and poked gently at her chubby side, his touch tender as he made sure not to wake her.

Malleus chuckled softly as he looked at your two little boys, who were eagerly exploring the bakery. "Ah, I remember those days all too well. Little Levan and Marcellus were so small and cute, and now they're wreaking havoc everywhere they go. It seems like they inherited my mischievous streak, my love."

He shook his head with a mixture of amusement and mild exasperation. "But I can't deny, they keep things exciting around here."

"They were just following your steps. We should be grateful at least they don't covered the castle with frost"

Malleus chuckled heartily upon hearing your comment about your sons following his footsteps. "You're right, my love. I suppose we should count our blessings that they haven't decided to frost over the entire castle. Though knowing them, it might be a matter of time..."

He responded to your question with a raised eyebrow. "Ah, so Lilia told you about the icing incident, did he? Trust him to unearth my most embarrassing moments."

"He even showed me the picture books. You used to be so cute too when you were a child too."

Malleus grumbled playfully at your words. "I see Lilia has left no stone unturned in his quest to embarrass me. Of course, he would have photographic evidence of my most cringeworthy moments as a child."

He couldn't help but soften a bit upon hearing your comment about his childhood cuteness. "Well, I suppose I was indeed rather endearing in my youthful years. But let's keep that between us, my love. I want to be perfect father to our children."

"How can a perfect man like yours exist? I'm just lucky to be your wife" Malleus listened to your words with a mixture of gratitude and a tinge of guilt. While he appreciated your praise, he was keenly aware of the dark chapters from his past. His possessive side made him killed your love one, that red head, those children. He destroyed all of the things that you love and even the pendant.

Malleus' thoughts delved into the darkest corners of his mind as he pondered his past actions. He could not shake off the memory of contemplating the murder of Marcellus, his own son as he dislike the idea of having the same sequence of child that you have with that man. 2 boys and a girl. A male heir is necessity so it would be preferable to have a girl as the second child. It was as if the fate was mocking at him and testing his patient.

The image of the baby boy, with your features, had been the only thing that halted his impulse. However, as Marcellus grew, his affection for the child began to develop. The sound of the boy's first word, "Papa", had been a turning point, making it impossible for him to harbor such sinister intentions.

Malleus became a more gentle father as he experienced the blissful moment. He became softer and more matured in taking care of everyone he loves but he still could not cure the possessiveness he had over you. He even feeling regret of his past action, not in killing Ace but in killing the that red hair children in the process too.

As the royal family finished with their shopping, people nearby could not help but express their awe and fear. The Briar Valley royalty was known far and wide for their magnifying presence, immense magical prowess, symbolized by the iconic horns on all five members of the fae family.

You caught a glimpse of red hair out of the corner of your eye, and for a brief moment, it seemed familiar. However, amidst the joyous family time you were having with your children and husband, you opted to dismiss the fleeting thought and fully immerse yourself in the present moment with your loved ones.

Malleus noticed the encounter and he could not help but smile in sense of accomplishment. He looked at his side and saw you with one hand, held your baby girl in your arms and in the middle between you two was Levan happily tug his parents hand. Marcellus in his other arms. He had acquired a happy family of his own.

At the end, you were really his...

[END]

SIDE STORY 2 <<

[lu-is-not-ok]

A Narcissistic reading of Hong Lu

Yup, I'm actually doing this.

To lay down some facts first: I have NPD, alongside a bunch of other things that coalesce into a nuclear concoction strong enough to kill every dark empath in a five mile radius. If I find you ableisting it up, I give myself the permission to smite you. This is a threat and a warning.

Now, let's talk about Hong Lu. Because as it turns out, he might just be the most difficult literacy check in Limbus Company according to what I've seen.

I could just say "I'm a narcissist and Hong Lu is just like me fr fr so he's a narcissist too" and end the post, but honestly, where's the fun in that? There are, legitimately, things I want to yap about, so I'm going to yap about them, and no chucklefucks can stop me.

So, to start this off, let's make one thing clear.

Hong Lu is not only a good actor, but also a skilled liar. The way he navigates conversations and the methods he uses are just as important to analyze as the actual words he says, if not more so. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that trying to understand him based Only on what he says and not how he uses the things he says would result in an understanding that's not only incomplete, but potentially outright wrong.

Now, this isn't really tied to why I think Hong Lu could be very reasonably read as having NPD, at least not directly. Narcissists aren't inherently evil liar manipulators, and if that's what you take away from this post, that's more of a you problem (and you can go ahead and block me considering I'm one of the evil liar manipulator narcissists according to you).

However, there is a reason why I have to bring it up. And it's because almost all of Hong Lu's narcissistic traits become a lot more obvious once you look at the exact ways he takes control of conversations.

With that out of the way, what exactly are we even looking for?

NPD, in my experience, primarily affects one's sense of self-worth and self-esteem. I personally found that the analogy of a pendulum makes the most sense to me - a narcissist's sense of self-worth can swing between massive highs and massive lows, almost never staying in a middle "balanced" position, with even the tiniest things being able to throw it to one side or another.

The ways this can present outwardly are. Quite frankly, way too fucking many to count. But there are some common threads we can keep in mind:

High sensitivity to criticism

Need for an external source of validation

Tendency to seek out ways to make oneself feel more special, important, or powerful

So, does Hong Lu fit those criteria?

Well. Yeah. This post wouldn't exist if he didn't.

Let's talk about the first point, high sensitivity to criticism. And, immediately, I would like everyone to remember Hell's Chicken, specifically the scene where Meursault begins to verbally roast his team's dish, and in the process laying down a verbal smackdown on everyone involved. That scene ended like this.

Curious, isn't it? The moment Meursault was about to start criticising Hong Lu, he just jumps in and distracts Meursault with a change of topic - something even Dante's narration points out.

Mind you, this isn't an isolated event. This is just the most obvious example of Hong Lu exhibiting this kind of behavior.

Don't believe me? Just look at these.

These are all examples of Hong Lu either backpedaling, changing the subject, or otherwise trying to avoid the acknowledgement of something that criticizes his status, thought process, or (in the last example) which would reveal an emotional vulnerability.

This is a fairly consistent pattern for him, and that's not even getting into the fact that the line he says when hovering over him before a skill check he has a Very Low chance at succeeding in has him suddenly try to excuse himself and leave.

Hong Lu is absolutely highly sensitive to criticism, it's just that his primary emotional reactions aren't ones we're privy to. Instead, what we get to see is how he acts to try and minimize the impact of those criticisms, if not outright find ways to never let them leave someone's mouth in the first place.

Next up - need for external validation.

This one doesn't have as many examples as the previous point, as Hong Lu is a generally closed off person who keeps a certain level of distance from most other Sinners. However, that doesn't mean I don't have any.

One such example comes from Canto 4, where soon after acting out his part in the play, Hong Lu seeks validation from Yi Sang.

Then there's this moment in Canto 6, where Hong Lu, once again, seeks validation for something he's done.

And then there's also these lines from Hong Lu's various Identities.

Aaaand then there's these base Identity voice lines, which, if you ask me, feel a bit like fishing for compliments.

This point is a lot harder to say is a definitive one, mainly due to Hong Lu's more closed off projected personality. That being said, the fact that one can find examples of it despite that is pretty notable.

And for the final one - trying to make oneself feel more special, important, or powerful.

This is one that's a bit harder to provide exact examples for, as again, Hong Lu isn't someone who talks about how he feels often, and when he does it's not always exactly trustworthy. He's not like Rodya, who while still putting on a facade, is pretty open and easy to read about how she actually feels.

But, there's still some non-mutually exclusive interpretations I want to posit here. Two, in fact.

One - I believe that for Hong Lu, the thing he sees as power is control.

See, avoiding criticism isn't the only time Hong Lu steers conversations. In fact, it's something he does All The Time. He's often the one asking questions to get the group moving, trying to gather information that might be relevant to him, and generally taking over the direction a conversation is going in. Chances are, if Hong Lu speaks up, it's likely to alter the conversation he joins in noticeable ways.

This, I think, is one of the ways Hong Lu makes himself feel more powerful. After all, it's not that hard to guess from what little bits of his background we have that Hong Lu lacked agency for most of his life. So, wouldn't it make sense for him that having that agency, that being able to be socially in control, would be the exact kind of thing that would boost his self-esteem?

In fact, the only times we see him rendered completely speechless, seemingly stripped of that confidence in conversations he usually exhibits, are in Canto 7 - specifically in scenes where he's Not In Control of what the others are talking about. Those scenes being when the other Sinners start shit-talking Xichun in front of him, and when Xichun actively tries to bother Hong Lu by alluding to the way he's been treated back at home.

Extremely confident until something external happens that utterly strips him of that confidence... sounds familiar, doesn't it?

Then, there's the second interpretation.

See, with NPD, there are two ways a narcissist can try to make themself feel more deserving of attention. One is the one most probably think of when they think about narcissists - setting out to fulfill extremely high goals to feel amazing when one reached them and then feeling utterly crushed in the case one doesn't. This would be someone like Rodya.

However, there is also another way, one which I personally have much more experience with - to undersell. To set extremely low expectations, so that it's as hard as possible to fail reaching them, and to feel way better upon surpassing them than one would with higher, more "regular" expectations.

This, to me, is exactly the kind of narcissist Hong Lu is. Think about it. He's constantly putting out this image of an extremely sheltered person that barely understands the outside world, with notable moments where it's made clear he's Just Making Shit Up at points. Wouldn't making one seem unable to do anything, only to then proceed to do things you've led people to not expect of you, make it feel like you're much more exceptional than you really are?

The underselling goes the other way too. When the other Sinners point out something odd about Hong Lu in a more positive way, he's often quick to point out how it's Nothing compared to what his Family expected of him. Wouldn't that make one feel exceptional, to make it seem like whatever effort you're putting in to do well is but a fraction of what else you can do? That you don't even have to try to be able to be special?

...So, there. That's all the analysis and interpretation I find important to do to get my point across.

Just to make it clear, I don't think that the only thing wrong with Hong Lu is the narcissism. There's definitely a lot more shit going on in that head of his. But, I'll be honest, the NPD reading felt so obvious to me that it genuinely took me by surprise that other people don't see it.

Though... maybe I shouldn't be shocked. Some fuckers out there still think Faust is a narcissist when she's literally just autistic.

[enwoso]

welcome to the world | alessia russo

-> three moments during pregnancy, and one which means the most.

navigation

one

you and alessia had been best friends since the two of you met all the way back on the first day of primary school when you were both were just four years old. alessia was older by two months and was something she loved to use to her advantage.

"y/n i'm older so i know what's best!"

"less! you use that same excuse every time!"

the two of you being polar opposites in school, alessia being the more confident one, who loved football with her entire heart while you were definitely the more introverted one who swore you were allergic to any form of athletic activity. you instead loved having a book in your hands, escaping to another world within the story from the book.

but that's what made you too the bestest of friends and that was something neither of you would change, ever.

you had gone through school together, knowing every aspect of alessia's life and in turn she knew every aspect of your life. and the older you got the more your family's began to become more and more closer.

like when you two were little, you would sit and pick the daisies from the grass on the field making a daisy chain to give to alessia while she would run around the field with a ball at her feet a big toothy grin on her face as she did so.

as alessia got older she made sure you were at every one of her football matches and you proudly did, alessia always making sure to make the point that she played a lot better when you were standing there watching her, even if you didn't have clue what was happening.

you had to there, you were her lucky charm.

so to your families it wasn't the least bit surprising when you both began to start dating when you were 17, however you held off telling them until just a few months before alessia moved to go to university in america.

there reactions being very far from what you both imagined it being a simple — “we knew all along" with a smile and a shrug of the shoulders leaving you and alessia more confused then what your parents were.

now the both of you were 24, having been together now for seven years. alessia had came back to england having made her break through into the lionesses senior squad and was now playing for arsenal after just having the summer of her life, even if england were unable to win the world cup, you know that just making a final was a huge achievement alone.

you on the other hand had graduated from university having gotten your dream job and you couldn't be anymore prouder of your girlfriend — life with her by your side was amazing and was just about to get a whole lot better.

you were finally pregnant.

after a few failed rounds of ivf, you and less decided this would be your last try before you stopped trying for a while in order to give your body a rest however you were now stood in your bathroom shaky hands holding a positive test a huge grin taking over your face.

you had been feeling horrible for the past few days, thinking you had just gotten a tummy ache but now it all made sense there was going to be a little human growing inside of you.

alessia being at the arsenal training ground as it was the beginning of the wsl season in just a few days time, this gave you a few hours to set up a little something in a way to surprise her.

alessia was due to be home in the next ten minutes so buzzing with excitement you found a sticky note and wrote 'hello mama!' on the note and placed it next to the pregnancy test

stepping back and looking down at your stomach and admiring it, it beginning to settle in that you were about to have a baby with the girl of your dreams. thoughts of alessia with a baby over run your mind but you were soon took out of that track of through by the sound of the front door shutting.

"baby i'm home!" she called out hearing her drop her keys on the side table and her bag hitting the floor as you came over to the door a giggle slipping from you as you watched her tussle with her trainers to try and get them off.

"hi love" you smiled as she engulfed you in a hug, "how was training?" you asked as the blonde moved her head into your neck, inhaling your perfume. "good but i missed you" she mumbled into your neck as you kissed her forehead.

you hummed, "i've missed you too but i've actually got something to show you" alessia's head rising from your neck, confusion knitting over her face. "show me?" she repeated hesitantly.

you nodded, "close your eyes" alessia looking at you apprehensively, "should i be scared?" the blonde asked, a nervous smile on her face. "no! no i actually think you'll really like it — just close your eyes and trust me!" you said as the blonde finally shut her eyes, you grabbing her hands and leading her to the kitchen.

"okay.. open them!" you say standing to the side as the room is filled with silence, you waiting for alessia who is looking at the little display as you waited for her to piece everything together.

"no way- really!" alessia gasped turning to you a wide smile not so dissimilar to the one you had on your face a few hours ago. you nodded as a squeal came from the blonde as she wrapped her arms around you, twirling you around attacking you with kisses.

placing you back on the ground, her hands staying on your waist as they travelled to your stomach. making sure she's gentle both hands rest on your stomach where your little human will live for the next nine months.

"this is the best thing that has ever happened to me!" alessia mumbled before placing her lips on yours, a slow and loving kiss taking place as your hands came to cup on her cheeks as alessia's hands stayed put on your tummy.

"i love you!"

"i love you too lessi."

two

it was a rainy sunday afternoon and alessia had just gotten home from playing at meadow park, a solid win and even bagging a goal, it was all a good feeling but nothing beat being tucked up next to you as you watched tv.

you lying with alessia on the couch, her head resting on your shoulder as your legs draped over the blondes, tangling themselves within hers as she played with the rings on your fingers.

“where you going?” the blonde asked a pout on her face as you made a sudden movement to get up, looking back at the blonde with a smile, “just to get a drink?”

before you had a chance to even move any further off the couch, alessia had sprung to her feet. “i’ll get it” the blonde sweetly said, pecking your lips quickly before rushing into the kitchen, not before stopping and yelling asking what it was you actually wanted.

“just a water love!” you yelled back, hearing her open the fridge as you smiled to yourself. ever since you found out you were pregnant alessia had been amazing.

helping you whenever your morning sickness struck, giving you your weird cravings whenever you wanted, being patient with you whenever you weren’t in the best of mood because you were tired or just weren’t have the best of days, you could already tell that she was going to be an amazing mother and the little human inside you was only about the size of a peach.

"oh my god!" you gasped as alessia almost ran back in the living room.

"what's wrong?" she frantically asked confusion hitting her as she wondered why there was a big cheesy grin on your face.

"little one just kicked!" you said watching intensely at you bump to see if it would happen again. "is it not a little early for kicking?" alessia asked as you shook your head. you were just hitting the fourth and a half month mark.

you midwife had told you to keep an eye out for any movement as it would begin to happen but it would all depend on the little one growing inside as some baby's were very active inside the womb whilst other weren't.

"no, she said it would be around about now" you explained as alessia nodded, you hands going over your bump trying to feel for any movement.

"pass your hands" you told alessia as she placed your water bottle down on the coffee table at the side of the couch before handing you her hands.

you moved you top up a little more to reveal your bump which was huge but was definitely getting bigger by the day. moving your girlfriends hands around you bump hoping for her to feel your little one's movement.

"can you feel there little kicks!" you looked towards alessia, a little “wow” escaping her as she felt the little kicks as she sat in awe.

"powerful little kicks" you whispered still loud enough for the blonde to hear you as she hummed in argreement her hands still holding your bump.

"gonna be a footballer just like there mama" alessia said smugly as you shook your head in amusement. looking at the blonde, leaning forwards to plant a kiss to her cheek, as she moved the kiss landing on her lips.

three

you were back at wembley for the first time since you had found out you were pregnant, the england girls were set to face the netherlands in the uefa nations league match in hopes of securing qualification for the the olympics next year.

you were nearing six months into your pregnancy, your body was changing massively and you had your 21 week scan telling you the gender of your baby a few weeks ago and with each ultrasound you were falling more and more in love with your little one and you couldn't wait to meet them.

watching as alessia would sit in the room with you, eyes in awh of the tiny human growing in your belly. listening intensively as the heartbeat would fill the small room in the hospital.

however as the weeks were passing, alessia was growing more and more protective of you. not allowing you to pick up anything heavier than an empty bottle or allowing you to stand in your feet for too long meaning she had been taking on the roll of cooking for the past few weeks but secretly you didn't mind that as you loved her cooking.

you were meeting with alessia's mum, dad and brothers at the match, alessia having left earlier this morning to do her usual pre match routine however every half an hour there was another message asking if you were okay - the blonde had been a little wary about you coming to the match but you had assured her that you would be perfectly fine.

walking in the entrance to wembley it was quiet for now fans still not allowed to enter for another thirty minutes. seeing alessia's family in the reception area all with england jerseys on, russo and the number 23 plastered on the back. yourself with the blue england away shirt on with your girlfriends name proudly on your back.

"hi honey, how are you, and the little one?" carol asked, engulfing you in a hug, she had been amazing to you since you had found out along with your own mum - the both of them giving you plenty of advice and tips on how to deal with pregnancy symptoms.

"i'm feeling good today, happy to be out the house!" you beamed it being to longest you had been out without the urgency of needing to go home.

"and little one is very happy and healthy in there" you smiled, "this is from the scan a few weeks ago- look!" you said getting the latest scan photos up on your phone.

"going to be such a beautiful baby" carol pouted, nudging her husband and alessia's two brothers to come and look at the scan photos.

"can't wait for me to pass on all my football secrets!" gio said as you shook your head at the younger russo's childishness. "i think less will beat you to that" you chuckled as giorgio shook his head rolling his eyes at your comment.

"and who do you think she learned them off, hmm?" gio said with a smug grin as it was your turn to roll your eyes, "your dad?" you teased as he scoffed beginning to walk away in a pretend huff.

"giorgio!"

you had all made your way to the family box, gio coming out of his little huff but not before alessia had made it her mission to find you before she began her warm ups.

"are you sure your okay? you haven't got any p-" alessia began before you cut her off. "lessi, i promise you i'm fine plus your mum and dad are here so i'm not alone okay" you said placing your hands on her shoulders squeezing them a few times as the blonde nodded a few times letting out a big sigh her body relaxing a little.

"now you go out there and play the game that you love!" you smiled as she sighed loosening herself up before placing a sweet kiss on your lips.

"i love you" she whispered as you lips lingered and you hummed repeating the three word back to the blonde before pushing her in the direction of the rest of her teammates.

"come on less, she's not made of glass, she's isn't gonna break in the next ninety minutes!" hearing a thick manchester accent of non other than ella. turning your head to wave at the girl before turning to your girlfriend who had a light scowl on her face in the direction of her bestfriend.

"go on!" you nodded your head in the direction of her other teammates, as the blonde began to walk away not before kissing your goodbye on the cheek. watching as she walked off towards her friends not missing the fact she tripped on the carpeted floor, shaking your head in amusement.

"typical"

it had been a tight game between the dutch, the current score being 2-2, lauren just equalising for england. it was all to play for and england desperately needed the three points in order to put them in a good place for qualification.

alessia had been substituted in the 68' minute having been brought offf from fran kirby.

england managed to pull the win with ella scoring in stoppage time meaning england secured the three points putting them in with a chance of qualifying for the next round of the nations league.

the girls walking around, stopping and signing shirts, books, you name it while also taking photos with the fans. walking around wembley waving and thanking the fans who took the time to come and watch them play.

alessia finally gets to where the box is, looking up trying to find you and soon enough she does giving you a wave as you blow her a kiss back. as she caught it holding it close to her chest.

you were now waiting in reception for your blonde lover to emerge from the changing room, a few of the england girls coming out, waiting in the reception area to board the bus.

mary, beth and lucy being the first of girls to come out all showered, wet hair in low buns and wash bags hid under their arms with big grins all over there faces, there being a hint of surprise in their faces when they find a sight of you.

"hey y/n! how's you and the little one?" beth asked as you sat scrolling through your phone. a smile appearing on your face, sliding you phone into your pocket.

"yeah i'm good, tired and little one kicking my ribs like no tomorrow!" you sighed leaning back in the chair that you were sat on, as the three girls joined you.

"less been teaching them football tricks already?" lucy joked as you all began to laugh before getting into the conversation of how long the blonde was going to take to get ready - knowing she loved her skin and hair routines too much as you found yourself spending a lot of your time waiting for her to get ready on a mornings.

"do you know the gender yet?" mary asks as the topic changed again, "i think it'll be a girl!" the manchester girl appeared beside you as you rolled your eyes nudging her slightly as she sat down next to you.

"and then you can call it ella!" she cheekily smiled as you shook your head along with a few weird looks from the other girls.

“you can take that up with less, yeah!” you say softly, patting ella on the back as you give her a look that tells the midfielder that the answer is a definite no.

"what! just saying ella is a great name" she was the one to now roll her eyes as you chuckled shaking your head, "we did find out the gender-" you began smiling as the debate began of what you and alessia were having.

"so what's the gender then?" lucy asked the debate stopping as they had ran out of points to back up why one thought it was a girl and why one thought it was a boy.

"you'll find out in good time!" you smiled as the four began to all talk at once crowding you but luckily your saviour came to your rescue who was in the form of a tall blonde wearing a tracksuit and a massive wash bag hanging tiredly under her arm.

her blonde hair which was still wet, racked back into a low bun at the back of her head. her tired movements getting closer to you, "woah, don't crowd the pregnant lady!" she yelled walking closer to you, standing behind you as she shooed the girls away. resting her hands on your shoulders as you looked up at her with a smile, as she leaned down to place a quick kiss on your lips.

"well we wouldn't have to if she would just tell us if your having a girl or boy!" beth complained as the other three joined in with their complaints.

"we might as well tell them all together" alessia said as she began to gather the rest of the girls around in a huddle, you and less being in the center,

"what's this about russo?" georgia asked as a few others asked the same.

"well we had planned to tell you all in a different way but some are clearly too impatient. but we did find out the gender of our baby the other day and we are having a little... girl!" alessia explained leaving a few pauses just for dramatic effect as the rest of the girls cheered at the gender.

"told you mary! you owe me tenner now!"

four

you were now officially nine months pregnant and if you were being honest you were over it, you wanted nothing more than for the little one to be born for many reasons, one being so you could finally meet your little baby and two so you could get back to doing things without feeling tired after two minutes or needing to go and pee every ten minutes.

alessia with a lot of convincing had gone to training after ensuring that you were going to be okay for a few hours by your self expect you were not going to be by yourself as she had sent her mum to keep you company for the duration she was away.

not that you minded as it meant it kept your mind of the contractions you were having every few hours that had been progressively closer together since yesterday.

you knew it was going to be any time now, your hospital bag sat at the bottom of the stairs which alessia had made sure to pack and then unpack it to then repack it to make sure you had everything you and the new baby would need.

you were currently stood at the kitchen counter folding some clothes of your own while carol insisted on making you lunch, "lessi said that the.. oh" you stopped feeling another contraction wave over you this being a much more intense one that the previous ones you had been having in the past few hours.

"honey, are you okay? do you want me to call alessia?" carol asked as you hummed, leaning over on the kitchen counter trying to steady your breathing.

"okay, just keep breathing, in through your nose and breathe out through your mouth” carol soothed as she picked up her phone from the kitchen counter and pressing on the blondes contact who answered before the call even have a chance to get to the third ring.

"mum? what's wrong? is y/n-" alessia blurted out in a panic before the older women even had a chance to say hello.

"alessia! y/n is fine, but her contractions are getting slowly worse and she's going to want you here to comfort her" carol explained as a sigh of relief was heard from the other line.

"tell her i'm leaving now i'll be twenty minutes max!" alessia said in a hurry as it could be heard of her rushing around, many sounds of doors opening and closing.

"alessia, please don't panic. she's okay and if anything changes i'll call you as soon as i can" carol calmly said as the blonde on the other line hummed along rustling still heard.

"okay mum, i won't be long!" alessia quickly said before saying bye and ending the call. carol puts her phone down, you still in the same position controlling your breathing.

"she's on her way. do you have a yoga ball?" carol asked as you gave her a look wondering why on earth she would need one of them right now - pain fogging your brain for a moment.

"it's for you to bounce on, it'll help you stay upright and active" carol explained further as a knowing look came across your face - it slowly coming back to you remembering the midwife telling you about a range of exercises to do on it but admittedly you were a lot more focused on the sound of your baby's heart beat than the midwife's words.

"oh.. um i think there's one in spare room upstairs, less put it in there somewhere" you paused every few words your voice shaky as with each contraction you tried to steady your breathing - in through your nose and breathe out you were repeating to yourself.

carol telling you she would go and get it for you but not before asking you a few times if you would be okay left alone for a few minutes, you nodding and the older omens coming back a few minutes later with a bright green yoga ball.

helping you into the living room, as you lent forwards thinking it would help with the pain but really it did nothing. carol placed the bright green ball in the middle of the room and helping you find a rhythm to follow as you bounced up and down on the green ball.

it admittedly helping to reduce the intensity of the pain from the contractions as you were able to fall back into conversation with the older women but just as you did your blonde lover burst through the door with a sudden urgency.

"y/n, oh thank goodness your okay!" the blonde said out of breathe as she held her hand on her chest, as she stood in the doorway of the living room. a small laugh leaving your lips as you shared a look with her mum.

"have you ran back from coloney or something? why are you so out of breathe?" you asked a small chuckle coming from her mum but nothing from alessia as she wasn't impressed with your joke.

"sorry for being concerned for my pregnant girlfriend, but i did run to tell jonas where i was going before running to my car!" the blonde rolled her eyes before going into the kitchen to get a drink.

"sometimes you would think it was her with the pregnancy hormones" you joked to carol who laughed slightly along with you.

"i can hear you, you know!" alessia yelled from the kitchen as you laughed a little more with the older women.

an hour had passed and gradually your contractions were getting worse, carol had gone back home and told alessia to call her when you were in labour and she would be straight there with you both.

you were getting yourself a bottle of water from the fridge when you felt a popping sensation, a groan coming from you as you lent on the counter as another contraction came along.

"baby?" alessia called out from the living room, "love are you okay?" she asked again after not getting an answer, you hummed letting the last of your contraction hit.

shaking your head as another hit soon after, "n-no- i think my waters just broke" you whispered feeling slightly embarrassed as the feeling of warm liquid rushed down your legs

"breathe, love. let's get you changed and then we'll head to the hospital" alessia said softly taking your hand and leading you to get a change of clothes.

within half an hour you were changed, hospital bag in hand and being lead down the corridor to the maternity ward by a nurse.

"your midwife will be here in a few minutes to do some checks" the nurse smiled as she lead you both to a private room. you nodded your head your contractions were still very much present and very often. "thank you" alessia spoke for you as she helped you over to the bed.

like the nurse said the midwife came through the door, a few trolleys of medical equipment following her through the door as she began doing your checks and telling you how far you were dilated - 5cm.

“we can give you your epidural now, and then in about an hour or so you’ll probably be ready to start pushing” the midwife explained as both you and alessia nodded along.

“i’ll have the epidural” you said immediately after the midwife had stopped talking, the women nodding and letting you know she would be back in a couple of seconds

"i can't believe that we are going to meet our little girl soon!" alessia whispered kissing the top of you head as you got comfy in hospital bed, a smile creeping on your face it not lasting long as another contraction hit you as your face scrunched up with the sudden pain.

_

"that's it y/n, one more push and the head will be out" the midwife encouraged as you face was pooled with sweat and tears, alessia holding your hand as you squeezed the living day lights out of it.

"you doing so good love!" alessia encouraged, kissing your head as you groaned again, the midwife urging you to push again.

a few more pushes and baby's head had officially been delivered, only a few more were needed to get the rest of the baby out.

"keep pushing, baby's nearly here!" the midwife told you as you hear alessia urging you on with words of encouragement stroking your hair out of your face and within seconds of your last push, you hear a baby cry.

your swear your heart stopped for a second, looking up to alessia who was grinning from ear to ear. "you did it!" she whispered into the side of your face as tears fell down your face and your baby was passed to you on your chest.

"congratulations, you've given birth to a beautiful baby girl!" the midwife smiled as you handed you your baby, as you pushed the towel from covering your little girls face. her little cries stopping as soon as she heard yours and alessia's voices.

"she beautiful" alessia said, stroking the side of her small face, you silently nodding as you both sat admiring your little girl. excitement coursing through you as after a long, tiring nine months your little girl was here.

"welcome to the real world, little one"

liked by giorgiorusso_ and 1,042,106 others

alessia 23/05/24 ☁️

when two became three. me and mummy love you so much our little love🤍

comments -

leahwilliamson my heart🥹 congratulations i can’t wait to meet the little one🤍

31m 129 likes     reply

giorgiorusso_ next in line for me to pass on my football knowledge to!

1h 230 likes     reply

-> alessia in your dreams gio.

yourusername omg your milf era is beginning!

1h 360 likes     reply

-> alessia your my favourite milf<3 forever proud of you

ellatoone oh gosh they grow up so fast🥹

1h 207 likes     reply

-> yourusername your literally younger than us tooney?

[divinesangel]

— 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐠𝐧𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐞

pm me for an affordable, in-depth personal reading!

— 𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐚 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞!

— 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏

it seems that you will recognize this person due to the strong feelings you will have for them.

i feel that your connection will be almost instant, and there will be no doubt in your mind or heart that this person is the right one. being with your soulmate, you will likely feel a lot of excitement and eagerness to always be with them, and i believe this is another sign you will experience that will make you realize that they truly are the one. you will always want to be together, making many plans and probably start envisioning the future with them.

you might have many thoughts about this person or find yourself constantly imagining various scenarios where they are present.

i feel that at first, this will cause you to feel insecure, in the sense that you might feel you are being too intense or doing too much, but gradually, you will realize that these strong feelings have not come to you for nothing. everything will have its reason, and you will come to understand that.

at the same time, i feel that this person will be putting in a lot of effort into your relationship, which will make you feel much more secure, and this will lead you to realize that this person is taking things very seriously with you and that perhaps this is the person who will always be there for you. i see that they will give you that comforting feeling that your heart needs, and thanks to this person, you can become quite emotionally stable. i feel that they will always praise you and boost your self-esteem a lot.

— 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟐

you will come to know who your soulmate is because you will undergo a profound transformation in your life. most likely, you will meet this person when you are going through a challenging time and are on the brink of overcoming it. i sense that meeting this individual will leave a significant impact on your life because you will feel like you've never encountered anyone quite like them before. i believe you will recognize that this person is the one for you because of the sense of security they will provide.

perhaps in the past, you've dealt with individuals who played games with your mind, who didn't take things seriously. however, with this person, it will be entirely different. i see clarity from the very beginning, and they will assure you of their commitment, offering you the security you crave. some may view your soulmate as traditional, but they will bring stability and a sense of a promising future into your life. yet, i sense that there may be moments where you feel disillusioned or hopeless due to past experiences. consequently, you may need some time and patience to navigate these feelings.

i feel that this person may not always understand everything unless you explain it to them. however, beyond that, i believe the primary reason this person will feel right for you is because they will choose you and only you. they will not leave you questioning whether they are open to other possibilities or unsure about the future.

— 𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟑

you are going to recognize your soulmate because of how they will help you heal. i feel that you may meet this person during a time in your life when you will be going through a lot of changes that may leave you feeling very empty. these changes are going to be significant, perhaps almost like a turning point in your life, and i sense that they may involve major transitions such as moving homes, changing countries, or similar things. i feel that they will be very substantial changes that will alter the course of your life in another direction.

during these moments, i sense that you may feel like you are alone in the world or as if you truly have no one to support you. there may be people in your life trying to say words to make you feel better, but when it comes down to it, there is no one there for you to comfort and uplift you. it is because of this that you will meet your soulmate, who will make you feel like all those obstacles and pain fade away quickly. you will recognize them because in those moments of vulnerability and sadness, they will be there for you and make you feel incredibly warm.

the type of companionship they will provide will feel like something you've been needing for a long time, and the good thing about it is that despite being there for you, they will not be too intrusive. they will always give you your space and time to reflect and process your feelings. so, it will be like a balance. i feel that this person is going to help you a lot, whether consciously or not. i feel that they will come into your life almost as if by destiny, and that it will be very important for you to accept them and let them into your life.

it may be that during this period, when feeling like nothing is going right and needing more time for yourself, you start to reject people trying to enter your life, or maybe you don't trust others too much. this is quite understandable as it protects you from anyone who may not have good intentions, but at the same time, your spiritual guides advise you to be careful not to go to extremes.

𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐢 𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭

hi! it's daphne here.

i'm currently offering personal readings for €5 ($5.43) so don't hesitate to send me a private message if you're interested!

thank you for being here!

[earthcrumbs]

LILITH SIGNS AND YOUR SHADOW SIDE

Lilith represents your shadow side. Your Shadow side is home to one of your most primary fears… a fear that has considerable amounts of power over how you navigate life (your choices, your actions etc.) Our lack of awareness over this shadow side is what keeps us trapped in cycles of self-defeating behaviours.

Each Signs Shadow Side/ Primary Fear

ARIES = fear of unworthyness

TAURUS = fear of scarcity

GEMINI = fear of rejection

CANCER = fear of abandonment

LEO = fear of change

VIRGO = fear of failure

LIBRA = fear of loneliness

SCORPIO = fear of loss

SAGITTARIUS = fear of meaninglessness

CAPRICORN = fear of neglect

AQUARIUS = fear of powerlessness

PISCES = fear of vulnerability

But shadows cannot exist with without light . Lilith has two sides: a dark side and a light side. If we are able to come to terms with and heal our shadow side, a transmutation to our light side will occur.

When our shadow side is brought into the light, we gain clarity over what hold us back like the unconscious fears behind our responses. It enables us to make effective change which brings us closer to our most aligned self. Black moon Lilith gives us what we need to heal

[lowkeyerror]

The Family Business Ch.2

WandaNat x Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Ch Notes: No warnings for this chapter, Krolik=Bunny, Sestra=Sister

Summary: Wanda was sent away on important business, by the time she comes back you're all grown up and a part of the family company. Wanda doesn't come back home empty handed in fact she returns with a brand new wife.

An: Ok someone asked me for Ch.2 early and I had to deliver. Next Ch.3 will be up on Monday. Stay tuned and hope you enjoy.

Series Masterlist | Masterlist

True to their word, the Maximoff’s provided you with a roof over your head and protection wherever you went. You never worried about your mother again and you saw your father whenever his schedule permitted. However, your primary residence was with the Maximoff’s. They were just as kind as they had always been.

Dragos and Flora paid for anything you could ever want or need. They paid for your tuition at NYU, though you tried to argue against it. You double majored in software engineering and physics. Without the constant insecurities that your parents piled on you, you were able to reach new academic heights.

Wanda had gone off right before her college graduation, Dragos said she was doing important work internationally. He didn’t know when she would be returning. There was a small part of you that hated that the woman didn’t come to your graduation, but a card from her in the mail was enough to make you smile.

Once you had your degrees you weighed your options. After multiple boring interviews and under stimulating work you finally asked Dragos if there was anything you could do in the family business. Pietro wasn’t thrilled about you wanting to be involved, but once he saw you at work, he knew you’d fit right in.

The crime was fronted by a legitimate business that Dragos owned. Which meant that you got to work out of one the tallest office buildings in New York. Your standing with the family also afforded you a desk pretty high up. When you weren’t hacking into competitors’ systems or running field operations, you did simple accounting for the company. It was easier that way, as the numbers for both the true business and the under-cover business were vetted by you.

“Y/n, come on a delivery with me?” Pietro pops his head into your office space.

“What kind of delivery?”

He smirks, “Special.”

You quickly grab your jacket and follow him out of your office. As you navigate to the bottom floor the two of you make small talk.

“So, when are you going to stop playing around and ask Monica out?”

Pietro rolls his eyes, “When you date someone for more than 2 outings.”

You feign a pained look, “Ouch, that one hurts Piet.”

“The truth often does.”

Once you both are out of the building and into the car your demeanor changes a bit, “So who are these going to?”

“Mr. H.”

You groan, “That guy’s sketchy, I don't like him.”

Pietro laughs, “I’m sure a lot of people feel the same way about us. “

“Whatever,” you mumble, scrolling through your phone.

The rest of the ride is quiet, until you pull up to the drop of location. “So, I’m going in and dropping the stuff off. You’re going to wait for me in the driver's seat.”

“Why the driver’s seat?”

He blinks at you, “In case we need to get away faster, you'll already be in here. Keep the car running, this should be quick.”

While Pietro goes in to handle the business, you let your mind spiral into thoughts about Wanda. You miss her and feel like it has been too long. Dragos said that she ended up staying in Russia for awhile before heading to their home country of Sokovia. Apparently, while he ran the business here, she ran the operations over there.

You weren’t surprised that Wanda was trusted with such an important role, she always had leadership qualities. For a long while you thought you wanted to be just like her. Instead, you realized that the older woman had been someone you were interested in. Wanda had nearly a decade on you in age, but how could you not like her as a young queer girl.

Sometimes you could still feel her hand delicately grazing your torso as she patched up the wounds your mother inflicted. For awhile in the Maximoff’s home everyone treated you as if you would break into a million pieces. Maybe Wanda did too, but it was different with her.

She wasn’t just careful with you because she was scared, you’d break, but she truly believed that you deserved the care. Even when you began training with her, she treated you delicately. You wanted to learn how to protect yourself and she stepped right in and became the perfect teacher. You also began going to the gym with Pietro at least once a week. You weren’t trying to be buff, but just in shape enough to defend yourself if you needed.

Even though your outward appearance changed to be stronger. You felt as though Wanda saw right through that into your deepest insecurities and tended to them accordingly.

Your daydreaming is cut short by Pietro busting out of the warehouse where the drop was supposed to take place, with the goods still in his hand.

“DRIVE! DRIVE! DRIVE!”

He jumps into the passenger seat, and you hit the gas. Pietro is talking to you, but your adrenaline is kicking in. Your fieldwork doesn’t really get this exciting without a debrief. Getaway driver is definitely a new change in speed.

Your eyes focus solely on the road, ignoring what the man is saying as his chest heaves up and down. A quick glance in the rearview mirror tells you that they are following you. While you are curious about what happened, those questions can be answered later. 

Pietro is actually mildly impressed with your driving skills. Your sharp turns and redirections are top notch in his opinion. Though you are doing great the guys are still tailing you.

You think for a moment, trying to remember the nearest parking garage. You realize that it’s behind you and brake hard, you weave through oncoming traffic to try to get to the parking garage.

“Get ready to hop out,” you say to Pietro parking the car. Once you do the blonde starts running on foot and you call after him. He stops in his tracks frantic until he sees you breaking into another car. When you get in you drive normally out of the parking structure and straight back to the office.

“Jesus Christ, Y/n I didn’t know you could drive like that?”

Pietro grabs the wooden box from his lap before walking to the elevator. He wipes his hands on his jeans and proceeds as though it was a just another day.

“So, what the fuck happened?”

He raises an eyebrow, “You weren’t listening in the car?”

“Duh, I was a little preoccupied with the whole driving for my life thing.”

“I guess you'll hear it when I tell Papa then.”

The two of you are definitely headed to the top floor of the building to inform Dragos of what has transpired. Pietro is never one for knocking and simply barges into the man’s office.

“Papa, do you have a- Sestra?”

Pietro’s sentence dies in his throat as he gets a glimpse of his older sister. He wastes no time sitting in the wooden box on a couch nearby and scooping up the redhead in a tight hug. You could hear them exchanging more words in their mother language. It’s an unexpectedly tender moment as Pietro tries to keep things on the light side.

Somewhere in the hug Wanda’s eyes land on you and they widen slightly. She untangles herself from her brother to get a good look at you. She’s older, as expected, but age had been more than kind to her. Wanda looks as elegant as ever, an air of distinguish surrounds her.

The way she looks at you makes you feel like a teenager again. You do your best not to squirm under her gaze. When a smile placed itself on her lips, you feel relief washing over you. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, she pulls you in to a big hug.

Her hands rise to hold your face, pulling back just slightly. She wants to get a good look at you. The softness of her hands causes you to blush.

“You’ve grown up on me little krolik.”

She releases the hold, and you speak, “You’ve been gone a long time, Wanda.”

There it is, in your voice for the first time in years; That fragile tone that you had only ever allowed Wanda to hear. You hope it didn't sound as desperate to everyone else in the room and it didn't. But Wanda picked up on it instantly.

“I have, but now I'm back; permanently,” Wanda says, keeping her eyes on you.

“And she brought a friend,” Dragos interjects, and you watch Wanda roll her eyes.

“She’s more than a friend Papa, she’s my wife and she’s sitting right here. I expect you to treat her kindly.”

Wanda is married and to a woman. Your mind scrambles to piece together what had happened in the years that she was gone for this to be the case. It is hard for you to digest what the woman had said. Your breathing becomes a little shallow, but no one takes notice.

Finally, you take notice of the other woman in the room, sitting in the chair next to the one Wanda had just been sitting in. Your mouth dries at the sight of her. The woman is stunning. Her auburn hair is a few shades darker than Wanda’s. She has a button nose, soft pink lips and piercing green eyes. You couldn't be mad at Wanda for marrying such a beautiful woman.

“Sestra, you’re married?” Pietro exclaims, looking between the two women dramatically.

“Yes; Y/n, Pietro, this is my wife, Natasha Romanoff.”

Your eyes linger on the woman even when Dragos claps his hands together to get the attention of the room, “Piet you were saying something important. I see that Mr. H didn't get his package.”

Any further pleasantries would have to wait.

“Papa it was a bad deal. They tried short me on our exchange, so I told them they could either bring me the rest of what they owe, or I’d be walking. They planned to take the package from me, so I ran immediately to the car. Of course they chased after me, but thanks to need for speed over here we got away.”

Dragos pinches the bridge of his nose lightly, “Don’t I always say being back up?”

Pietro answers back, “I took Y/n.”

This causes Natasha to chuckle a bit.

Your eyes narrow at her, “Something funny?”

She doesn’t back down, “Well from the way Wanda described you, you don't necessarily scream back up.”

Your jaw clenches slightly and you steal a quick glance at Wanda, “Wanda hasn’t seen me in over 5 years. I’m not that fragile little kid anymore.”

Dragos nods proudly, “Y/n is the biggest asset we have in this organization. She’s by far the glue that holds this all together and I will not tolerate any disrespect thrown her way.” The final part of his sentence carries a lot of weight to it, it’s a verbal warning.

Wanda clears her throat, “Hammerhead is a loyal customer, why would he try to cheat us?”

“He could have a new dealer,” you speak up. “Someone who might be charging less for similar goods.”

“You think someone is dumb enough to try to undercut us?” Pietro questions.

You speak candidly, “I think that people in this city can be greedy, and greed blinds all good sense.”

Dragos clearly agrees, “We need eyes and ears on the streets listening to anything about dealers that aren't us. I need a meeting with Hammerhead to make sure he’s got that big ugly head of his on straight. Y/n if I can't sell this, I'm going to have see a profit of this quantity somewhere else on the sheets.”

“Let Natasha and I come with you to your meeting Papa. I want you to see what we're capable of.”

“Papa, is this woman going to be joining our group?” Pietro asks.

You turn your attention to Dragos, curious of what the man has to say. There is an unbridled shine in Wanda’s eyes and a small upturn of Natasha’s lip. They seem to think that the man would say yes immediately.

Instead, he heavily sighs, “For now Ms. Romanoff is simply Wanda’s… wife. There is a chance that she’ll be given access to join. However, her involvement isn’t guaranteed. So just to be clear, she’s not going to be sitting in on the meeting.”

Wanda wants to fight back, you can tell, but she refrains. The playfulness of her features dissipates as she responds, “Is she at least allowed to stay and watch them work?”

“Y/n do you mind if Ms. Romanoff shadows you for the rest of the day?” You know what Dragos was actually asking of you. He wants you to vet her.

Your eyes land on the woman, staring at her intensely, “Sure.”

She squirms in her seat which makes you smile a bit.

“Pietro,” Dragos starts.

“Eyes & ears I’ve got it Papa,” he’s out of the door fast, setting the plan in motion.

Dragos presses a small button on his desk, “Kate can you set up a meeting between Hammerhead & I. It needs to be as soon as possible. Make it clear that if I’m kept waiting, there will be extra fees to pay. Ones that can't be bought by money.”

“No problem Mr. Maximoff. Should I have Clint get the car ready?” She responds over the intercom.

“That’ll be great, thank you Kate.”

Now it is Wanda who claps her hands, “So I guess it’s time to get to work. Which mean it’s time to say goodbye to my beautiful wife and my little krolik.”

Natasha stands from her seat and places a gentle kiss on Wanda’s lips. “Be safe,” she murmurs, not quite ready to part from her wife.

“I’ll be fine Nat, it’s just business as usual.”

Something about the two women in the same line of sight together made you feel weird. You had seen beautiful couples before, but you seem to be a little mesmerized by the sight of Natasha and Wanda. For now, you would say that it was just the shock of seeing Wanda after all these years and being blindsided by the news of her marriage.

“Have you changed too much to give me a hug before you go?”

The teasing tone in Wanda’s voice makes you roll your eyes. You walk over to her nonetheless, “I hugged you earlier, you know.”

Wanda doesn’t hesitate to pull you into another hug. “I know, but maybe two is too much for the new Y/n.”

You look up at her, maybe for a second too long, and you can’t help yourself, “Don’t worry, part of me is still your little krolik.”

A slight blush paints over her features as she smiles at you, “Good, keep my wife safe, ok?”

Your eyes cut to Natasha, “Of course, I’ll leave you guys to it.”

You walk out of the office with Wanda’s wife trailing closely behind you.  

“So, are you going to show me what makes you the glue?”

Her words make smile tug on the edge of your lips, “If you’re lucky.”

[ddarker-dreams]

mini love report — blade

relationship health diagnosis — 65%*

symptom one — fiercely protective

someone could accidentally bump into you and he'd be willing to kill them. they'd better hope it was on accident, or they'll receive a visit later that night, regardless of your de-escalation. ever since his flesh merged with an abomination, he's held nothing sacred. orders are wordlessly received and executed. so when you stumbled along, knocking him off his equilibrium in the process, he had to latch onto something. you ended up being that 'something.'

he isn't confident in his abilities as a romantic partner. he considers himself unsightly, a blight upon the universe itself. then there's you... doing whatever it is you do... like complimenting a house plant that's been growing well recently. how did he ever catch your attention? it's baffling. nonetheless, this self-perceived gap in value has him eager to prove his worth the one way he can — bloodshed.

kafka's taken to calling him your guard dog, much to his chagrin (he doesn't deny the claim). despite how it reduces him to little more than a weapon, he prides himself on his ability to keep you safe. he won't ever come outright and admit it, though; he knows it'd sadden you.

symptom two — OMS (old man syndrome)

two pop references in a single sentence is enough to make your elderly bf stare at you as if you've spoken another language. go easy on him, he isn't hip with the times. it isn't that he's ignorant to technology, he navigates it just fine. the social media aspect and the trends that come with it are another story. he's never cared for it. should silver wolf broach the topic in his vicinity, he tunes her out.

you, however, have been given the rare privilege of never being ignored. not even if you're explaining why you enjoy a game where you've indebted to a raccoon. you might think he's uninterested, given his poker face, but don't be fooled. he's quietly absorbing your every word. one night, you'll find a plush raccoon sitting on your bed. you have to give him points for effort.

symptom three — acquiescent

blade will do just about anything you ask. he defaults to your preferences on everything from activities together to your meals. for the longest time, you mistook this for apathy on his part. why doesn't he take the initiative to plan your dates? are you boring him? what if he's going along but not enjoying himself? these doubts are a permanent fixture on your mind. voicing these concerns will be one of the few times you've ever caught him off guard. he thought he was amassing Boyfriend Points (he didn't word it this way, but the interpretation is accurate enough). the news that his boyfriend point currency is in the negative comes as a surprise (once again, not his wording).

you won't receive an in-depth monologue detailing his feelings. perhaps that's for the best, since if that was the reaction you received, you'd think he was replaced by a doppelganger. instead, he tells you that he prioritizes your happiness above all else. you look back on it as a sweet moment. the remarkably candid confession stuns you into silence. it seems so obvious in retrospect. in your defense, your intergalactically wanted boyfriend is notoriously difficult to read.

primary area of concern

some moral gymnastics are required. there's no way you haven't seen the wanted posters — he won't sugarcoat the truth either. he's a stellaron hunter responsible for innumerable crimes. the same coarse hands that hold your face when he leans down to kiss you have ended lives. your views on the value of life are bound to diverge. it wouldn't be a passionate debate either, you're not changing his mind on the subject. the only life he values is yours and that's that.

additionally, there's the issue of encroaching madness. minor detail. you're an odd ingredient in the mara mix. there are occasions when you pacify it... but there are also instances where you ignite it. in the event of the latter, he absolutely refuses to be around you. fear is an emotion long lost to him, yet its faint echoes reverberate throughout at the thought of hurting you. you'll get updates from an unknown number (thanks kafka). nonetheless, that doesn't change the fact that your boyfriend will be radio silent for periods lasting from weeks to months.

prognosis

it's complicated. blade treats you like you're a doll made of porcelain, handling you with the utmost care. that doesn't the carnage he's left (and will continue to leave) in his wake. you bring out a tender side in him that withers the instant he leaves your side. his involvement in your life would be far from traditional, he isn't the type you bring him to meet your parents. still, whatever part you want from him, he'll give. whether it be his heart in a literal or a metaphorical sense.

he's loyal to a fault and would have a difficult time should you ever call the relationship quits. you'd have this faint feeling of eyes following you when you're out and about. additionally, when you get back in the dating scene, you'll find yourself frequently stood up. it'd be wise to handle his affection with care.

*the universe has tried (and failed) to wrench you apart (0-20) your friends are praying that you'll break up (21-40) 'well it could/has be worse' bargaining mindset (41-60) a lil messiness as a treat (61-80) pure and wholesome (81-100)

[fernwehreader]

Religious Symbolism in Gwynriel's Book

I saw an opinion yesterday about how Gwynriel’s book will include beautiful religious imagery (I believe the original post is from @winterinvelaris), and I’ve not been able to stop thinking about it all day.  So, here we are with another overly lengthy ACOTAR analysis, lol.  

But I really love this idea and agree that this is likely some of what we’ll encounter in an ACOTAR 5/Gwynriel book, and I’d love to share what’s on my mind as I consider this.  [Somewhat related, I have thoughts on this as it connects to SJM’s “Guilty As Sin” instagram story from April 2024 - but I think I’m going to save that for a separate post. 🙂]

So, SJM’s academic minor at Hamilton College was in religious studies, and we know through her writing that she is well-versed when it comes to religion and mythology.  We’ve already seen some religious imagery as it pertains to Azriel and Gwyn, and I’m of the mind that we’re going to see this further explored through their novel given the groundwork SJM has laid in addition to her own interest and understanding of religious studies.  My thoughts mostly center around Azriel (which is unsurprising given my belief he’ll be the primary lead of the next novel), but I do relate some of this back to Gwyn and the priestesses, too.

What’s in a name? 

Azriel’s name (Azrael) alone has religious significance in both Judaism and Islam, known as the Angel of Death.  Azrael in Hebrew means “whom God helps.”  And, according to an EBSCOhost article (linked at the end): 

“He plays a crucial role in facilitating the transition of souls from life to death . . . In Judaism, Azrael is depicted as a formidable angel who carries out God’s orders, sometimes portrayed as a compassionate being who comforts those grieving the loss of a loved one.  In Islamic tradition, he . . . is described as one of the four archangels, tasked with separating souls from their bodies at death. . . . Azrael’s role extends beyond just death; he is believed to assist individuals during significant life transitions, providing support and solace to those navigating change.”

OK – so, obviously there is a lot here to unpack and this would be worthy of an analysis post on its own.  But clearly our Azriel’s name wasn’t just chosen based on vibes.  SJM would have been intentional about this choice many years ago, particularly as a religious studies student.  I’m also quite interested in the last part of the above quote and if it may have any relevance to Gwyn and how we find her after the Blood Rite. During the Rite, Gwyn told her sisters she "was tired" of living in the Library and seemed ready to move forward. Yet, at the end of ACOSF, Nesta tells us that Gwyn "returned to living in the library" after the Rite. So, perhaps Azriel and Gwyn may help each other through their healing journeys together, as they "navigate change" during their "significant life transitions."

Azriel’s inner struggles . . . of which there are many.

While I certainly can’t know for sure whether SJM intended for this parallel, Azriel’s sacrificial tendencies stand out to me first and foremost in terms of religious symbolism.  He silently bears pain for the good of others, for his family, for his own sense of self-worth, etc.  Do I think we are meant to look at Azriel as a Christ-like figure?  No, I don’t.  But the theme of sacrifice can certainly be rooted in religious ideas and imagery.  There is a sense of self-imposed martyrdom that seems to be at the core of Azriel’s inner struggles.

Additionally, a book centered on Azriel would almost certainly include a religious or spiritual exploration of inner transformation and finally confronting difficult emotions and truths within himself – ironic for the character who wields a blade named Truth-Teller.  Although we are meant to largely associate the idea of “Truth” with Morrigan, I often think about Azriel instead.  His role as spymaster is filled with symbolism.  He carries the weight of others' truths – but not his own.  He’s a vessel for everyone else’s confessions, and yet he rarely voices his own.

As part of this, we begin to see that Azriel has an ingrained belief that joy, love, and belonging are luxuries afforded to others, not to him.  It’s heartbreaking in ACOSF when Cassian and Azriel discuss children after finding out they will soon be uncles.  Cassian asks: 

“Do you want a child?” “It doesn’t matter what I want.”  Distant words – ones that prevented Cassian from prying further.

This reveals the depth of Azriel’s emotional repression and his disconnection – you could argue a denial of his own truth.  This does not sound like someone who is being truthful here with either Cassian or with himself.  So the next logical question is WHY?  Why does it not matter what Azriel wants?  This seems to indicate that YES, he does want a child or a family of his own.  But he has repressed this notion, this truth – perhaps as part of that self-imposed martyrdom.  

Of course, readers are well aware of his 500+ years of longing for Mor.  But the conversation above with Cassian pulls back more of the curtain and allows us to glimpse more of Azriel as we’re led into his primary POV novel.  He is ripe for a spiritual transformation based on these notions of truth and emotional repression.  A religious or spiritual arc for him would address this head-on . . . otherwise, why else would SJM be keying the reader into these glimpses of Azriel?  Because we are meant to see how Azriel grows from this.  Religious themes of transformation often include steps such as confession, forgiveness, acceptance, and rebirth.  Azriel certainly seems like he could benefit from such a journey and needs to work through these steps.  And who better to walk beside him on that journey than a literal priestess? 🙂    

Gwyn, The Priestesses, and the Library . . . SANCTUARY!  FORGIVENESS!

Religious imagery is already present as a natural part of Gwyn’s identity as a priestess – a religious term in and of itself.  But, from the moment we meet Gwyn, she allows the reader a closer glimpse of the priestess world.  While we already had some exposure to the nature of priestesses in Prythian due to Ianthe and earlier scenes in the House of Wind or with Clotho, Gwyn gives us our firmest understanding yet.  

We learn the full extent to which The Library, the space in which Gwyn lives and works (and doesn’t leave!), functions as a holy space.  And there is a specific word that keeps popping up in reference to it.

Nesta narrates in ACOSF that the Library:

“was their sanctuary, gifted to them by Rhysand.” 

Later, Cassian uses the same terminology:

“A sanctuary for females who’d endured such unspeakable horrors.”

Again, given SJM’s religious studies background, I do find the repeated use of the word “sanctuary” to be intentional instead of phrasing it more casually (“safe space,” for example).  So, this tells me that it’s worth examining more closely.

 Britannica defines “sanctuary” as a religious term which includes three descriptions:

A sacred place . . . where the divine or sacred was believed to be especially present

Through Gwyn we learn that the priestesses worship The Mother in this space, and we even get to see Gwyn sing at one of these services.  The Library is indeed a sacred place for Gwyn where she gets to bask in her love of music, and she is thrilled when she gets to share that experience with Nesta. 

Reserved for special religious functions, and a state of purity was required of participants

Hold this thought for now  . . . I’m going to come back to this when I do my analysis post on “Guilty As Sin.”

It became a place of asylum for criminals

I want to focus on this last description the most.  In this historical context, we often hear the phrase “seeking sanctuary” or “seeking asylum” as it pertains to fugitives or criminals.

While Azriel may not be a criminal in the eyes of the Night Court, he for sure seems to be a male at war with himself.  He tortures.  He kills.  He lies.  He bears secrets and pain few others could begin to understand.  Although as close readers we understand Azriel on a more nuanced level, through a moral and spiritual lens, he appears to be a contrast to “purity” – and I think it’s safe to argue that Azriel likely also views himself this way (hence, the immense display of self-hatred we see on display when he interacts with Elain and Rhys in his bonus chapter, when he looks at his hands, when he tells Cassian it doesn’t matter if he wants a child, etc.).  

So, why do I bring this up?  Well, what does Azriel do after those moments with Elain and Rhys in his bonus chapter?  He seeks sanctuary.  He flees away from his perceived danger and immediately interacts with a literal priestess.  The next day, he walks into the Library – the priestesses’ literal sanctuary and place of sacred refuge and worship and talks with the head priestess.

I do find it interesting that we get this exact phrasing regarding Azriel earlier in the series in ACOMAF.  Before the Inner Circle goes out to dinner, Feyre notes:

“I assumed Azriel was nearby, seeking sanctuary in the shadows.” 

This seems notable to me.  In the book where we first meet him, we get this very specific literary allusion to a religious practice.  Then, multiple books later, what is the place that SJM is hammering over our heads as a literal sanctuary?  The Library!

I think we’d be unwise to discount the important role that the priestesses and/or the physical Library space may serve in Azriel’s book.  Not only for the reasons above, but for what Cassian also tells us in ACOSF.  When thinking about the Library, Cassian

“wondered if Azriel’s mother had ever considered coming here, or if he’d ever pushed her to.” 

Again, my favorite question immediately follows this: SO WHAT?  Why bother mentioning this?  My money is on the fact that we will not only (finally!) meet Azriel’s mother, but the Library and the priestesses will have some part to play in her introduction . . . and, once more, this is just one more way in which Azriel and Gwyn can find connection with each other and walk together on their healing journeys.  

Lastly, relating to all this, there is also the notion that seeking asylum historically in Catholic churches was two-fold: it offered physical protection, but individuals could also choose to seek absolution or confession of sins, which then ultimately led to forgiveness.  Azriel seems to carry his burdens and self-loathing like penance, with no hope for absolution.  So, I’ll be curious to see how this may play out.

Will Azriel seek forgiveness at all in his book?  Is all of this foreshadowing?  Of course we won’t know until ACOTAR 5 is released.  But I can’t help but wonder how important the literal, physical Library space (and perhaps Clotho) will be to Azriel as he embarks on this spiritual path as part of his story . .  . in addition to Gwyn’s role in all of this.  Perhaps Gwyn will embody a more symbolic representation of this by becoming Azriel’s place of spiritual asylum and emotional rebirth.  

At the end of the day . . .

Ultimately, we will see how much SJM may lean into religious imagery in the next book.  But as someone who loves analyzing literature and looking for literary patterns, I find the religious juxtaposition between Azriel and Gwyn to be beautiful, fascinating, and ripe for such rich storytelling and symbolism: the fallen angel/sinner and the priestess.  Both come to the table with their unique traumas and wounds to somehow meet in the middle and heal together.  I find the possibility of that spiritual connection to be quite exciting and different from other romantic pairings SJM has explored so far.  We shall see!

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*link to EBSCO article

*link to Britannica article