#could not make myself care for new baby characters when they Massacred My Boys………

[ginalinettiofficial]

i am. still just so glad i got out of teen wolf when the cast started falling apart. like season three was such a shitshow from day one and made me INSANE as it was airing and i just could not continue to watch for season four after they killed off or wrote off essentially half the cast and killed all the found family potential and i will admit!!! that seeing crystal reed herself on a new teen wolf story DID tempt me!!!! i am only human!!!! i am not immune to allison argent!!!! but truly i know myself and i know that the show died a horrible death for me over the course of s3 and there’s a lot of good reasons i stopped watching it and those reasons will sustain me through my decision to not watch this new movie

all that said. @ my loyal six followers. please do not be alarmed if i end up temporarily in a teen wolf revival moment. i am not immune to allison argent and the nostalgia of it all DOES make me want to go back and reread all the old classic pack fics from before davis decided to start killing kids left and right !!! i am not immune to the powerful energy of sterek writers, nor to the call of pack-fics!!!!

[tomorrowsdrama]

2020 Year in Thirst Pt. 2

Sometimes, I will watch a drama for the plot/premise/substance and be rewarded with a surprise hottie, and it’s the best feeling ever!  It’s like finding money in your pocket that you didn’t know about.  The following list of dramas can be described as:

Came for the plot, was rewarded with a surprising side of thirst

1. Flower of Evil

Brief Summary: Lee Jun Ki plays Baek Hee Sung and Moon Chae Won plays Cha Ji Won, his wife who is also a detective.  What Ji Won doesn’t know is that her husband, Hee Sung, is actually Hyun Soo, a man on the run from a murder that he did not commit and also a suspected accomplice to a series of murders committed by his father in the past.  Oh yeah, his dad secretly tried to groom him into being his protege/murder partner.  Because of how he was raised, HS believes that he has no emotions and is simply putting on an act as the perfect husband and father.  His “parents” are in on the ruse and are actually the ones who forced him into assuming their comatose son’s identity.  Anyway, of course things from the past start to catch up with HS and his wife is somehow assigned to investigating his old murder case.  She of course feels betrayed, but also conflicted as she discovers her husband is not who he said he was and a prime murder suspect.  Things get even more complicated as the real murderer re-appears with fabulous long hair and tries to frame HS for the murders.  In between all of this are delicious make outs between the couple and at least one instance where they banged so hard, HS was wiped out the next morning.

Surprise Thirst Factor: I checked out this drama fully expecting to drop it because the promos were so misleading and unappealing. But boy was I in for a pleasant surprise!  Not only was the drama super addicting, it also had some nice eye candy in the form of Lee Jun Ki being a completely unrealistic house husband who satisfies in the housework (The man cooks and does the laundry!), childcare, and bedroom and Kim Ji Hoon’s glorious mane of beauty making viewers have a moral crisis over lusting after a homicidal maniac (who turned out to be a real loser without murder daddy around to clean up his mess.  It’s ok, we’ll always have his hair).

Yes, work that hair honey.  It’s the only good thing you’ve got going on for you (the character, not Kim Ji Hoon)

The chemistry between Lee Jun Ki and Moon Chae Won was fire and the make out scenes were soo believable.  Like yes, these two beautiful people are really into being married to each other and understandably want to make out all the time. 

He’s the primary caretaker for their daughter and it’s just *swoons.*  Not all thirst traps come in the form of sexy abs (although I would not mind if he wanted to flash some).

2. Six Flying Dragons

Brief Summary: The story of young Yi Bang Won (who later becomes King Taejong) and the founding of the Joseon Dynasty.  As short as it sounds, that really is an accurate summary of the drama haha.

Surprise Thirst Factor: I started watching this drama because I heard it was a great sageuk and I’m a big fan of Yoo Ah In.  Even though I’m a fan of his acting, Yoo Ah In doesn’t necessarily get my hormones raging so I wasn’t expecting to be so thirsty while watching Six Flying Dragons.  But then.  BUT THEN.  Byun Yo Han showed up in all his scruffy tortured deadly killer glory and my hormones woke up and said hi, hello, who are you, what’s your name, what’s your sign, can I get your number?  The deadlier and more tortured his character got, the sexier he became to me.  Sorry Yoo Ah In, you’ll always be my acting boo, but Byun Yo Han’s got my thirst.  Byun Yo Han looks so good when he's sad and/or covered in blood, it makes me feel like a sadist for thinking that I wouldn’t mind if the drama made his character cry some more.

3. Ever Night S1

Brief Summary: As a child, Ning Que witnessed his entire household get massacred because of a prophecy that the child of Hades will be born from the house and bring about the Eternal Night.  Somehow, he managed to escape and was the lone survivor.  He finds a baby buried in a pile of dead bodies as he’s fleeing and names her Sang Sang.  The two orphans grow up inseparable from each other and do whatever it takes to survive in the harsh, cruel world.  Ning Que earns money by becoming a deadly mercenary and Sang Sang takes care of the household affairs.  At one point, Ning Que becomes a disciple of the powerful Fu Zi and somehow gets entangled in the struggles between the Holy Sect and Demon Sect.  A bunch of beautiful women fall for Ning Que, and the drama tries its hardest to convince us that he has chemistry with and reciprocates the feelings of one of them (i.e. Mo Shan Shan), but anybody who was even half paying attention knows that the only one for Ning Que is Sang Sang.  They are the OTP of all OTPs and take “ride or die” to a whole other level. Oh also, their height difference is the stuff manga dreams are made of. Ning Que is a “good guy” but also not a “good guy” in the sense that he is not above doing whatever it takes to seek revenge and is only out for himself and Sang Sang (and later, his older brothers and sisters from the academy).

Surprise Thirst Factor: Chen Feiyu is an attractive person but I could not in good conscience thirst after him because he was literally born in the year 2000.  It did not help that he was only 18 when he filmed Ever Night and looked every bit his age.  My thirst may have no shame, but it does have its own set of principles and one of those principles is thou shalt not lust after those born in the new millennium!  Luckily for me, Second Brother is played by Dylan Kuo who is a beautiful, elegant, tall man

and Brother Chao is exactly the type of rugged and manly that I am into.  

(you don’t have to be)

who looks better when wet

AHEM. Yeah.

Sixth Brother is also not so bad with his scanty pounding work attire,

4. Novoland: Eagle Flag

Brief Summary:  Asule is the prince of a tribe in the grasslands who is held as a royal guest (i.e. hostage) in the Eastland Empire.  There he meets his two future best friends, Yu Ran, a free spirited princess who is descended from a race of bird people, and Ji Ye, an emo neglected/shunned son of a concubine who is probably the best fighter in the empire.  Ji Ye loves Yu Ran who is a ball of sunshine to his Johnny Raincloud dark emo self.  Yu Ran loves Ji Ye back.  Asule loves both his friends and will do anything to protect them.  The world decides to fuck over best friends Asule, Ji Ye, and Yu Ran for no reason as they try their best to just live a peaceful life away from all the political scheming and fighting.

Surprise Thirst-worthiness: I was completely content with enjoying Eagle Flag purely for its story and substance.  It’s seriously a wonderful, yet heartbreaking drama and the scale of the production is amazing.  No cheap $10 costumes here.  Also, the direction is beautiful/artistic and not the run of mill “let’s shoot it and complete it as fast as we can.”  The two main actors were cute, but not really my type.  Then the drama decided to give Ji Ye the “Sexy Bloody Tormented Killer Makeover” and all of a sudden your girl was rushing to MDL to check Chen Ruo Xuan’s birthday and calculating his age.  I am simple, predictable, and consistent when it comes to my thirst and give a character some scruff, long hair, angst, and some bloodlust and I’m all yours.  I am literally:

Is it wrong that when Ji Ye showed up looking like this ready to kill his mother’s torturer

I thought, yes, can we have him kill another? 

5. Run On

Brief Summary: Im Siwan plays Ki Seon Geom, a national track runner from a rich family who is a bit of an oddball and marches to his own beat.  Although his words can sometimes be construed as rude since he has no filter, they are also completely honest and have no hidden meaning.  He also has his own personal code that he lives by and he will stick to it no matter how negatively it may impact himself.  He meets Oh Mi Joo, a translator with her own strange quirks and sparks fly as Mi Joo is assigned to be his interpreter.  

Surprise Thirst-worthiness: I kind of watched this drama by accident.  I had read about Im Siwan starring in a new drama but nothing I saw from the description or promos for Run On appealed to me.  Nor did it give me any information about what the drama would be about.  Then one day, I just happened to be browsing Netflix for something to play in the  background and decided on Run on since I thought I wouldn’t be that invested.  What a happy accident that turned out to be because I’m so in love with this drama right now.  This is a case where the thirst does not stem from the character’s physical appearance, but from the intensity/charisma the actor brings to the character and the character himself.  Ki Seon Geom is so odd, but so appealing at the same time and Im Siwan is so magnetic in the role.  Prior to Run On, Im Siwan wasn’t really my type physically.  In fact, I always scratched my head whenever people called him handsome in dramas (I know, I know, forgive me).  So color me shocked when I found myself swooning all over Im Siwan in the second episode of Run On.  Now, it’s like I have “Im Siwan is attractive” glasses on and he looks attractive in everything to me.  I want to gobble up all the dramas he’s been in.

[cosmic-navel-gazin]

In which I chronicle my Legacy of Kain journey and bridge it with your boy Adam Warlock! (Part 5 of many, and MASSIVE, I MEAN, HUMOUNGOUS SPOILERS for Soul Reaver 2 and the 1970’s Warlock)

Awwwwwwwww yeah we are going there, these compositions are most definitely on purpose.

This is where I realize that my true purpose in this world is to draw and talk about obscure or forgotten works of fiction, and I embrace this destiny. 

Ladies and gents, laughing times are over (not really though), sh*t gets very real again.

I guess it’s a bit late for this but if you have even the slightest interest in checking any of these properties out, do yourself a favor and go experience them first hand. If you just want to see me lose my mind and don’t really care about spoilers then please, proceed.

You know, when I started this little crossover of sorts, I was just having a laugh you know? It was just a cute little thing, I’ll write this one post and maybe I’ll get enough material for a second one and that’s it. THIS IS THE SEVENTH POST (even though it says Part 5). 

Never, and I do mean never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be here one day, talking about having your past and your time-travelling-future selves meet and clash, of seeing your sanctimonious attitude and overall the worst about yourself personified and given free reign to go on bloodthirsty crusades showing off how much of a hypocrite you’ve bee- but wait, I am getting a bit ahead of myself. 

I’ll get there I promise, let’s go back a bit.

Where we last left off, we managed to travel back to an even more distant past than we’ve been before. To the time of the great Vampire Purge, so that Raziel can meet this infamous ancient vampire who knows all the lore and might have the answers we seek on what exactly is causing the corruption of our world.

As we step out into this era of History we notice the fields covered with the Sarafan Order banners, and the impaled corpses and chopped-off heads of vampires. No different no doubt from the kindness vampires showed mankind later when they gained the upper hand during Kain’s 1.000 year old reign. Raziel seems a bit distraught by the sight since he assumed the Sarafan to be virtuous and heroic:

“For all the butchery of Moebius’s crusade, this massacre was somehow more chilling. The killing fields of the Sarafan betrayed a kind of orderly ruthlessness, the cold-blooded righteousness of the true believer.”

“Here at last in the flesh, I beheld my former brothers-in-arms, the warrior-priests of the Sarafan order; their lives devoted solely to the annihilation of the vampire plague. And while I confess I felt a twinge of longing, a pang of grief for what I had believed was my lost virtue, I regarded them now with none of the reverence I formally felt. For I had seen the human face of the vampires, and now I beheld the monstrousness of these men.”

While on the topic of genocidal holy wars, my boy Adam here had a bit of a run with a similar pious little group that goes by the name of Universal Church of Truth, who were going about doing a bit of cleaning throughout the galaxy:

Things don’t go so well:

Interestingly enough, I’ve learned of a deleted cutscene for Soul Reaver 2 that plays out very similarly to Adam’s first encounter with this “holy” order. There was this minor female vampire character that was being hunted down and would be executed by vampire hunters right in front of Raziel.

This scene was probably removed because they knew that almost 20 years later there would be some asshole on the internet trying to compare their games to obscure marvel comics of the 70’s.

But yeah bummer for Adam here, we’re a couple of pages in and he’s already failed to save someone. However, through the power of the Soul Gem, he’s able to retain her soul for a brief moment, letting us know more about these holy inquisitors:

Some of these methods don’t seem that far off from the Sarafan, especially on the twisting of good intentions part, but on a galactic scale:

Aye, a great bunch o’ fellas all around, if you submit and “fit in”:

Damn.

Hush Adam, I’ll get back to your predicament give me a moment. I just want the good people at home to keep both this church and the Magus, the god they worship in mind for later.

Now, back to the game. In the Sarafan Stronghold during the first hour of gameplay, Raziel made comments on the vampire he’s currently seeking while looking at some stained glass depictions:

“So this was the legendary Janos Audron - reputed to have been the most ancient and diabolical vampire to have ever existed. According to folklore, he lived high in the cliffs of Nosgoth’s northern mountains, and preyed mercilessly on the defenseless villagers below. His reign of terror ended when the Sarafan finally hunted him down and tore his throbbing heart from his still-living body. (…) But I wondered - could Janos Audron truly have been as monstrous as depicted here? Or was this merely artistic licence by the Sarafan, who sought to lionize themselves by demonizing their darkest enemy?

Keep these stained glass images in mind, they’ll also be important shortly. Neetheless to say, the hype was very real to meet this Janos Audron.

And as I kept hearing about this gentleman, I thought: “I really love this cast of pricks, where everyone speaks in half truths and is hiding something and has some hidden agenda, but you know, I kind of wish there was some slim ray of hope, of goodness and honor, just some good old plain chivalry and honesty. Maybe this Janos lad won’t be as bad as he was depicted back in the Sarafan Stronghold.” 

It took us a while but we’re finally make it to his retreat.

I really love the entire segment, the hopelessness and feeling of dread while making your way through this place, probably my favourite puzzle area of the game.  I also really love the music and architecture here.

When we do make it to the top, BOY OH BOY were my prayers answered!

Lo and behold, enter Raziel’s new daddy/mentor figure, my man JANOS AUDRON! Proabably the one decent and kind creature I’ve seen yet in these games (if you don’t count helpless human npcs who are just trying to live their lives but are caught in all these wars, slaughter and destruction).

FINALLY an understanding, moderate, compassionate man in the midst of all the lies and deception. I love him! Oh and he has what seems to be a Romanian accent. Maybe a nod to the granddaddy of all vampires: Dracula? I think his design is cool as well, so that helps.

Before we go into huge lore dumps and while on the topic of having a brief father/mentor figure for your protagonist when he’s utterly lost, alone and confused, I thought I’d bridge it with Adam’s own once foster parent, the High Evolutionary:

From the few minutes you get to know these dads they’re very different characters with different backstories and motivations. Janos is this sad lonely old man, the last of the ancient vampires and one who has been keeping himself alive solely for his sense of duty. 

While the High Evolutionary was once a man called Herbert Wyndham who performed an experiment that evolved him into a godlike being. This experience proved to be such an assault on his senses and perceptions that he chose to encase himself in this armour. Like the name suggests he is obsessed with genetic manipulation and tampering of various kinds, it is his life’s ambition. 

Despite his somewhat villainous appearance, he’s never portrayed as such from what little I’ve read, he’s just…a bit creepy. Like, he takes Adam in and is super stoked about adopting him, but he also values him not so much as a person per se as you and me would, but more as one would value an impressivly carved piece of work:

I don’t know, maybe it’s his metal face that doesn’t emote much; his sometimes questionable morality; maybe it’s the fact that Adam was 5 years old at this point, a baby boy, and this pink armoured deity is super hyped about him; there’s something a bit unsettling about this guy. Have some more dubious quotes I’ve stumbled upon:

All in all, I think he did care about him, in his own strange way:

Anyway, what’s important is that these adoptive dads serve a somewhat similar purpose, and that is to push/urge our ”“”“"heroes”“”“” (I say with many quotation marks) into a more benevolant role: to guide them in their messianic mission and save a corrupted world. Basically there to provide a chance for them to be good boys. Up until now their track record leaves much to be desired, and they’ve been quite lost on what they’re supposed to be and do.

Raziel:

“So it’s all true, then - what Kain and Vorador have told me - I really am some kind of unholy vampire messiah…”

Janos:

“Unholy? -no. Messiah… perhaps.”

Raziel:

“I don’t like that word - it smells of martyrdom.”

Janos:

“Raziel, your role in this world’s destiny is more crucial - and more benevolent - than you’ve allowed yourself to believe. Your journey will not be easy - dark powers are allied against you.”

Oh and both dads give their sons their toys (Soul Reaver and Soul Gem):

Back to the meeting with Janos, we finally learn tons of things, both new and others that have been hinted at throughout, namely:

Janos has been living a life of a recluse, alone, on top of the Aerie;

Janos knows of Raziel (some old legend I think) and has been waiting for him to hand him over the Soul Reaver, saying it is the key to save Nosgoth;

The Pillars of Nosgoth were erected by the ancient vampires and they were the rightful guardians. Janos was called to be th 10th guardian, the Keeper of the Reaver;

Over time this ancient race started to die out, with their history slowly being forgotten;

Humanity prospered and since the Pillars choose their guardians from birth and vampires were no longer born, humans were called to be their guardians but were “wholly ignorant of their true purpose.”

The Circle of human guardians is led to believe (by whom we do not yet know) that vampires are a cancer in the world. Janos warns that “with their vampire purge, the members of the Circle have assaulted the very architects of the Pillars they are sworn to protect (…) With every vampire they kill, the humans are slitting their own throats.”

Janos being a cool level-headed guy here when Raziel says he must hate mankind for all the suffering they’ve brought to him:

“They fear what they don’t understand; and they despise what they fear. But no - I do not hate them.”

I find it funny how Raziel asks if humanity should be forgiven for trying to exterminate the vampire kind and doesn’t realize that: one, he himself was exterminating vampires just a couple of moments ago back in SR1; and two, how he is just like how Janos describes humanity to be:

“They don’t understand what they’re doing. They are simply unenlightened… and vulnerable to manipulation.”

Again, this last line, completely unlike a certain blue shambling corpse I know. Not like him AT ALL.

Then, as they head inside, we learn something odd as Janos presents Raziel with the Reaver. You see, the two times Raziel has been close to the Soul Reaver still in its physical form, reality started to bend and distort (I show it off in this previous post). 

When we met Kain and decided not to kill him, he explained that when: “two incarnations of the blade meet in time and space, a paradox is  created, a temporal distortion powerful enough to derail history”

This distortion, or sense of displacement however, is nowhere to be found now when Janos presents the blade to him. Raziel feels nothing and says that “this nothingness is somehow worse…” and to get it away from him.

We learn the Reaver was forged by the same ancient vampire race that erected the Pillars (which we’ve seen hinted at when we explored the land and came accross all sorts of old murals).

But now THIS is when the game first impales me through the heart.

Me and Janos are interrupted by the Sarafan warriors who arrive carrying Moebius’ Staff (which disables vampires to the point of being barely able to move at all).

And of course! OF COURSE! Of course the moment my boy Raziel finds a truly positive influence in his life to guide and enlinghten him, and that was willing to put himself in danger in order to save him… he is axed! HEART RIPPED FROM HIS CHEST!

And by whom you ask? Who would do such a deed and kill my last ray of hope?

WHY, ME! 

TWICE!

“Me” because I was the one to open an entrance to Janos’ up until then impenetrable retreat, and literally me: human Raziel of the Sarafan that lived during this time period and was head inquisitor!

A bit different from what was depicted back at the Sarafan Stronghold, we found several centuries later (putting the same image here again so you don’t have to scroll up to compare, am I swell or what?):

The Sarafan escape with Janos’ heart and the Reaver, while wraith Raziel has a final moment with Janos. 

This part destroys me:

Raziel:

“Forgive me; I’m sorry… I failed you.”

Janos: (gently)

“No, Raziel. Perhaps this was my true purpose - simply to save your life this once.”

Raziel: (distraught)

“While I have taken yours…”

That last bit is probably my favourite line-read in the entire series so far (which is the most impossible thing to choose since there are so many great ones). But I think it’s the overwhelming sadness in Raziel’s voice that makes it memorable, you’ve never seen him feel like this for another creature.

Breaks my stone hardened heart every time I listen to it. And here’s why I think it’s an effective emotional scene, even though we only get a few minutes with Janos before he is murdered - it is because of contrast. Up until now everyone you meet is some degree of a bad or manipulative person, and you don’t really have a true friend or someone to confide in, there’s no one that really brings out the best in Raziel and it sucks because there is potential there.  So when you introduce the apparently only decent and noble person in this god forsaken land and you’re so used to by now suspect and mistrust everyone, it is impactful because he was truth and honesty in a sea of deception and moral relativism. He was my light in the midst of the fog and the one who saw good in me. And right when you’re finally relaxing and getting confortable the game pulls the rug from under you.

Now, while on the topic of having your past and future meet, there was a little something about the meeting between Adam and the Universal Church of Truth that I’ve been saving up until now. If you remember, Adam was interrogating the young woman who was killed by the inquisitors about the church and the god they worship. When suddenly:

Good news is, Adam must’ve taken a left turn somewhere and ended up on the set for “Monty Python’s Life of Brian”, where he learned some latin:

This helped him quickly figure out the Magus’ identity:

Learn your dead tongues kids, you never know when it might come in handy when meeting your time travelling, thousands of years old future-self:

So as you can se, we have a similar self-discovery journey going on but reversed in a way. In Raziel’s case you play as his future self, who time travels back in time, meets his past self and sees what a hypocrite he’s been his entire life. In Adam’s case you follow his present self, who meets the Magus (his future self), who has travelled back in time 5.000 years, in which time he has built his empire. Meeting and confronting said empire/future self, leads Adam to see what a hypocrite he’s been his entire life. You see, both Adam and Raziel have always been their own worst enemy (their own shortcomings and character flaws). So it would be only natural that we get embodiments of the worst in them: Raziel, the human Sarafan Warrior and the Magus, their past and future selves respectively.

Oof, this was a long one, and I’ve reach the character limit. In the next post I’ll elaborate more on their characters and different selves; and we go through the roller-coaster of emotions that is the endgame for both these stories.

Look foward to me losing my mind even further while I go into time travelling, paradox shenanigans… oh, and look foward to happier times with COSMIC SUICIDE! See you in the near future.

[poormeowmeowcollector]

A Wild Game Of Survival

Pairing: Dark Loki x Female Reader, Loki/Sigyn

Warnings: Major Character Death, Violence, Language, Dark, Loki (he is a warning). Each chapter will have individual warnings.

Summary: In a world where everyone is immortal until they meet their soulmates, I expect to have a nice life with them and I was so wrong.

Notes: yes, it has first person narration. It's an old one.

Chapter 6: The Story Behind The Beast

Warnings: Christians, violence, cursing, death, plague, grief.

Summary: and this is how the walls break

Notes: this is not the darkest chapter, but is the saddest. Please grab your water, blanket and tissues before reading it.

First chapter Previous chapter AO3 next chapter

He agreed on getting some breakfast before he left. And that was the last goodbye.

When I woke up, not many hours after, Loki was awake and still staring. Did he even move? Probably not.

"Were you up all night?" I hid a yawn as I asked. Loki nodded a yes, still not moving. I sighed and got up, my stomach asking for muffins.

"I'm gonna get some breakfast, do you want something?" I looked at him as I put on my boots and checked at the cash I had. I had to get some money later today, but they were enough for breakfast. He made a tutting sound of no. I hummed an ok and left, deciding to let him on his thoughts.

~~~

"What is that?"

He got out of his bubble when I threw a paper bag of muffins in his stomach.

"Muffins. It only had raisins," I shrugged. He took out one and sniffed it before putting it back and leaving the bag beside him.

"What?" I eyed him. I guess that he's a killer but everyone likes muffins, even if they are with raisins.

"Lactose intolerant, can't eat them," I made an oh sound on this information. He didn't consider this as a poisoning attempt, did he?

"Anyway," I swallowed a bite and left my bag aside. It was kind of a dick move to eat in front of him. "What were you thinking about?" I asked, my eyes pinned on him.

"The answer," He said plainly. I swallowed thickly. Would he attack after he had it?

"Did you… did you get closer?" I tried to hide my anxiety.

"I think I have it," He sat back. Relaxed. He was probably about to murder me and he was relaxed. I felt my heart beating faster.

"And… What is it?" I basically stuttered, panic creeping out.

"It's a big answer," He tried to avoid it. It was about my safety, my life. I deserved to know if he would kill me.

"I have all day," I crossed my hands, holding myself from panicking.

"So… I was not always like that. Once, I was just a farmer's boy in a small village in Norway. And it was a simple life. Some farming, more hunting, even more raiding… Nice and simple and I liked it, even if it was hard and boring.

"And, my seiðr helped. I was well respected since I was a baby, I was considered a gift from the Gods. But, I had a big brother and he stopped all this from making me a narcissistic dick." I scoffed a bit.

"Got some bad news for you,"

"Shut up," He spat and cleared his throat.

"So… I was in a raid, basically a massacre. A man had me on the ground, too weak to fight back and with a sword about to slit my throat. And he got sliced in half by an axe. And behind him was a woman. She looked like you, you are almost a clone of her. She was with her armour and bloody and dirty, I didn't look better, but she was just stunning in my eyes. We fought together for the rest of the raid, and claimed each other on the boat home. She was from the village next to mine, a friendly one." His eyes got dreamy just by talking about that woman. I guessed she was the first soulmate.

"Her name?"

"Sigyn. Like in the mythos. We found out we were soulmates, we married and we had twins, Narfi and Vali. Good boys, but impossible to keep them out of trouble. But we were a happy family." His nostalgic look didn't change when he talked about the boys. I smiled at him, it was good to know he knew love.

"But, the Christians came. They thought of us as barbarians and Pagans for believing in the Tradition. I saw some men and women I knew getting burnt in the stake for believing in the Gods. It was frightening, but we were the wildlings." His nostalgic smile faded and got replaced with disgust. I completely understood it.

"They came to me and made me an offer. I had to abandon my belief in the Tradition and get baptized and me and my family would live. The boys were still babies and Sigyn was weak from the birth, I couldn't risk moving away or denying. And I agreed. I stopped the raids, became a hunter and they named me Luke. Hel, I was even going to the church every Sunday… But I still raised my boys as my father raised me, I didn't want them to change into this, just because I had to pretend to be a changed man." His disgust grew bigger. I nodded and waited for him to finish.

"I had to hide my magic to protect myself and my family, practising my belief and my power in secret. I hated hiding, especially since I was used to being proud of who I am. But I had no choice.

"Some more Christians came and brought this terrible disease, smallpox. I got sick, very sick. The best doctors, Norse and Christians, told me the same thing. "Pray for a fast death," I told Sigyn to take the kids, they were six, and go to her mother's house. I didn't want them to get sick or see me dying so terribly. And, when they left me alone and I gathered all the strength I had left, I healed me, with magic. They called it a miracle. And my family returned."

"Someone spoke of magic. Of a green light coming out of the hut as I healed. They suspected Sigyn and she was arrested for witchcraft. She didn't tell them I was the witch, and she died in the stake, along with my kids. I had to watch it. They forced me to watch my family burn…" His voice broke and tears fell from his eyes. I moved closer and grabbed his shoulder, making him turn to face me and wipe them away. Then, something odd lit up in his eyes.

"I was mad with anger after this. Since they came, I did everything I could to protect them. Everything. And they murdered them. I took Sigyn's axe and slayed the old bitch who accused her. Then, I fueled my magic with rage and burnt down the village. I didn't care if it was Christians or my own people, they were all traitors, all killers. They took my life away from me, and I did the same. The villages around saw the green flames. They said it was the wrath of a powerful God. Some knew I was a witch. So, they created the God Loki. I didn't give a shit about being a God, but I didn't say anything." His eyes glowed for a moment as he spoke, his whole body tight with the memory. The lamp near us broke, I didn't need to wonder why. He breathed down and managed to collect himself before he went on.

"After this, I was easy on losing control because of my anger. I even killed my next soulmate because of this, in an accident. I don't even remember what happened, I only remember the anger. People grew scared of me, I was a monster. I couldn't live there anymore. I started wandering around Europe, and soon, around the Earth. It took me a lot of time to take control again, but I did. And, my soulmates were different. They didn't look like her, or they reminded me of her. They were bringing back the pain, the anger, the sentiment. Once, I was sharing a bed with one and I remembered the smell of my family. I ran to the bathroom and cried so hard I vomited. I couldn't live with soulmates anymore, so I was getting rid of them, of the sentiment. And the killing began." He was still whimpering, fighting back his tears. I cupped his head and moved my hand along his hair, hoping he would be soothed down.

"It had become a habit. And easy. I needed ten minutes to get done with the next one and then I was free again. And I was easy on finding them. They reminded me of that smell. But, you were different. You had your magic, like me, and you fought back. I used to hate you for that, but now I admire you. And, everyone had small traits of Sigyn, enough to bring back the memories, the smell. You have traits of all three of them, but you don't bring back the smell. Just the feeling of family… I hated you for that too, it was foreign to me. But you made it familiar, with your kindness last night…" He held himself longer, but I started tearing up. He moved his cold hand and wiped them away, a soft smile on his face.

"And, I started thinking. I didn't sleep, because of the thoughts. Killing will never bring my family back, it will only make them disappointed. And you made me realize that, with your questions. I gain nothing from murdering, I only lose them. And I have to go back to them, I don't belong in this era. I belong with the dead, with my family. I was turned into a corpse that made more corpses just to prove itself that it's still alive. So, I won't hunt you down again. I will leave. I will let you live your life, with someone you deserve to. I will go back home and wait until I can go with my family again. I will let the Norns guide me to them," His voice was breaking, he was barely holding himself together now.

"This is it? Good-bye?" I cried out, unable to stop my tears. He nodded a yes, then he hugged me.

"I just want you to know that I thank you. I thank you so much for bringing light to my way, for helping me out. I owe you so much, my dear. So much… I will see them again because of you, I am alive again because of you." He let himself cry, his hands tangled around me and his face hiding in my shoulder. I weeped too, holding him tight.

I lost track of how long we stayed like this. But he let go, let me wipe away his tears and smiled at me before he blew a kiss on my forehead.

"Promise me to keep contact," I smiled. He grinned and nodded.

"Thank you, my love," He whispered. I cried again and he wiped it away, shushing the pain away.

[blookmallow]

and finally, the conclusion of the dark brotherhood questline 

i have been through so much and lost so much but i gained the one thing that matters most of all.....  cicero’s heart 

-----

well

these aren’t the real emperor’s clothes but i have this still,

i put it on the dawnstar sanctuary mannequin with the jester hat lmao

:( my favorite guard friend who hangs out around the shops in the mornings with me is onto me 

hes not hostile or reporting me to the jarl or anything at least tho 

Dont woRRY About It

i did have guards after me for a while (i had. several just go ‘ok ill let you off this time :)’ bc. i. asked nicely. after attempting to assassinate the emperor of skyrim) but eventually just paid my bounty and they were like ok you’re good and now apparently everyone has completely forgotten That Time I Tried To Murder The Fucking Emperor 

anyway after the fucking massacre that happened at the sanctuary i was absolutely Out For Blood

i mean like....... i realize maro is completely justified here. we are in fact a league of assassins guilty of murdering A Lot of people, we very much did make a real attempt on the emperor’s life (and killed his double, who was less important but still like, an innocent guy, presumably)(or even if it was like that death note thing where its actually a criminal on death row anyway, like, we clearly didnt know that) and i did personally murder maro’s son and ruin his reputation, so. like. we are the bad guys in this situation no matter how you look at it lmao but STILL THOSE WERE MY FRIENDS, FUCKER

so i decided to murder him out of pure spite, but. uh

I DONT REMEMBER WHAT I DID TO CAUSE THIS BUT I ACTUALLY GOT THE SOLITUDE GUARDS TO MURDER HIM FOR ME LMAO I DIDNT EVEN HAVE TO DO ANYTHING

im trying to remember what the fuck even happened here im clearly. underwater, i think maybe i like. confronted him and he got hostile but i jumped off the pier and the guards were like “woah that guy’s losing it” and intervened but he fought them too or something ??? ??  I DONT KNOW BUT THE GUARDS KILLED HIM FOR ME :’) thanks guys 

then after everything we still kept the contract, and... the new plan.... was for me to sneak onto the emperor’s ship before he leaves skyrim and kill him there.... WHICH I COULD HAVE FUCKING. DONE IN THE FIRST PLACE. THIS IS SO MUCH EASIER THAN... KILLING SOME OFFICIAL’S SON AND PLANTING FALSE EVIDENCE AND TRACKING DOWN THE GOURMET AND MURDERING HIM AND IMPERSONATING HIM TO TRY TO POISON THE EMPEROR AND IMPLICATING A RANDOM CHEF WHO HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT AND

EVERYONE IS DEAD!!!!! WE COULD HAVE AVOIDED ABSOLUTELY ALL OF THIS. WAS ASTRID GETTING ME ALL MIXED UP IN THIS WILD GOOSE CHASE ON PURPOSE FROM THE BEGINNING ?? ? ? SORRY!!! IM ANGRY

i got all the way here without anyone even seeing me (i used a couple invisibility potions for the really tricky spots, but still) i could absolutely have just done this and avoided the entire everything. god 

anyway i again dont really understand the politics of skyrim but. the real emperor was expecting me to find him one way or another. he had already accepted his death and made peace with it. it was. actually kind of sad. i dont know enough to say whether he was actually a decent guy or not but he seemed like he was. i couldnt bring myself to steal his clothes so i still just have the duplicate emperor’s clothes but it looks the same anyway

i took a war axe from one of his displays though. i dont remember if i already mentioned my ongoing tradition of always taking something from my victims and enchanting them later to mark who it belonged to, but thats a thing ive been doing. little murder scrapbook

im not really sure how murdering the emperor counts as “serving the empire” but sure ok 

i also killed this guy lmao the emperor’s last wish was for me to kill whoever it was that betrayed him and i dont like this dude in the first place so i was like yea you got it 

i built a memorial with the weapons rack in my room in the dawnstar sanctuary

enchanted special weapons for each of our fallen members (left to right it’s astrid, arnbjorn, festus, gabriella, and veezara) (i also later added another dagger for lis bc i had one space left) 

theres also gemstones on the floor beneath each weapon but they keep sliding out of place :’ | 

ANGEL DARLING SONG OF MY HEART LIGHT OF MY LIFE YOU’RE ALIVE

you can see the game autosaving in the corner bc i had Just come out of the sanctuary lmao thats how lightning fast i reacted to this 

[sobbing] baby boy.... baby.... i was SO WORRIED

i murdered the fucking emperor of skyrim bc i was so desperate to continue this questline to see if cicero would come back I DID ALL OF THIS FOR YOU.....

(he pranked me and pretended he was gonna kill me at first. i almost lost it thinking he STILL wouldnt forgive me but it was ok :’) u got me, ) 

sniffs...... best friends forever........ this is the best possible outcome this is all ive ever wanted it was all worth it for this 

we got our window back!!!!! also ft cicero subtitle photobombing me with his boundless enthusiasm for murder but i forgive him 

oof we also have... a bunch of torture victims hanging around now too :’ ) oh

i kinda feel bad about them but there doesnt seem to be an option to let them go, 

i mean i could just kill them all i guess. i killed one guy to see if i could. you Can. his body is still there. nobody seemed to care that i killed him

I TURNED AROUND AFTER NAZIR SAID THAT AND CICERO’S JUST. LOOKING AT ME LIKE THIS,

i fuckign love this cute little shit. what the fuck. this is such justice too everyone was so rude to him, everyone made fun of him and talked down to him, everyone wanted him dead after he went after astrid, but she sold us out and got everyone killed, he was RIGHT, and now hes the right-hand-man to the Listener who is now ALSO the leader of the brotherhood. he’s basically second in command to the entire organization now and nobody can do a goddamn thing about it bc they all KNOW not to fuck with me now 

i also realized hes taller than me and i dont like it, :’)

im still deciding medea’s taller than him anyway i dont care. she would be taller than the character model is allowing for

he likes to randomly start singing/humming really off key/dancing around its SO cute.... im lov him...............

darling..... calm down, :’) 

hes so completely devoted to me now im in pain

i realized i could tell him to go to sleep and he actually did it the absolute madman 

he gets up if you try to sleep beside him though

i mean. not that i tried that or anything

he stands SO close to me all the time.... i turn around and hes right there beaming adoringly at me. i cant do this 

he kept saying mother needed some flowers so i took him out to collect some nightshade for her n dropped them around her feet 

“whats the point of thievery lol like..... just kill them?????? stupid” 

having cicero constantly two feet behind me jus making cute comments and/or half singing The Weirdest Shit I Have Ever Heard is absolutely delightful 

ur so cute when you’re threatening people

he also hates the forsworn see we’re in sync

I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU ALONE AGAIN

me, the leader of the brotherhood, in full brotherhood armor, with cicero following right behind me giggling to himself about murder:

[elenajohansenreads]

Books I Read in 2019

#166 - Ice Massacre, by Tiana Warner

The Reading Frenzy’s Holly Jolly Readathon -- A book with a wintery word in the title

Rating: 1/5 stars

Another hugely hyped book that was a vast disappointment to me. The concept is cool, I'll give it that, or I wouldn't have picked it up in the first place. But the world-building is thin, the plot full of gaping holes, the characters mostly without personality, and the action is jaw-grindingly constant to the point where it leaves no room for character development or better world-building. And calling this a sapphic love story is just laughable. Literally the last thing in the book is the main character realizing she's in love with her childhood best friend who's also a girl who's also a mermaid--but they spend most of the books at odds with each other because of misunderstandings, because of the fact that they're both supposed to want to kill each other, and because they can't truly trust each other for most of the story. Eventually there's a small measure of devotion, but there's no romance to speak of. Everyone's too busy fighting, and I do mean everyone. But okay, if it's setup for the future installments, I could give that a pass. What I can't forgive is the insanely stupid logic of this thin, nonsensical world-building. First, the simple idea of the merpeople's "allure"--their hypnotizing magic--being effective against the opposite gender only is heteronormative in the extreme. My bisexual self is plenty attracted to women, so for most of the book I felt like it should work on me just fine. (And I can't even address the issues of trans or nonbinary characters, because there aren't any.) When it eventually became obvious that allure working on everyone would break the plot (the two friends can't fall in love with each other if magic is involved because then it's fake, also then the entire idea of sending girls out instead of boys to fight is a moot point and there's no story) I threw my hands up in the air and said to myself, "I'll accept it but I don't think it's good." Second, that leads to another problem; if the merpeople sent their women to fight because the human warriors had always been male before, when they discover the new ship of warriors are female, shouldn't they send their men instead? Oh, wait, they're all lampshaded to be fighting somewhere else entirely, in a different ocean. Except...are they all really gone? Because if they are, then who's making babies? We know there are babies because the crazy girl kills an infant. Which, by the way, is a war crime if you consider the mermaid "people," because clearly an infant is a noncombatant. So that's fun. (Also she ends up murdering a crewmate, but that's not tied to any of my complaints, actually, which almost surprises me. It was terrible but it actually sort of made sense at the time that it would happen the way it did.) But really, why keep sending the mermaids to kill the girls when mermen would have the advantage? Third, the structure of the Massacre itself. Would you have me believe that a group of twenty girls who have been training together for five years can't put aside petty high-school-style drama long enough to not get each other killed? Do you mean to tell me that the position of captain is assigned by their trainer, with a list of captains to follow in case of death or incapacitation, and it never once occurred to anyone organizing this thing that that's a recipe for constant mutiny? Do you seriously expect me to believe no adults went with them for supervision? That no adult women could have been trained alongside them to sail the ship, if not to actually fight? That no adult woman on the entire island was capable or available to be their captain and keep all those little shits in line? Weren't those people fishermen before the mermaids invaded, and that's why they're being starved out now? Sure, in modern military we train people about their age for combat, but we don't send them out on their own without superior officers, older and more experienced and hopefully with a little more wisdom! And if the problem is that they can't send the men who have survived their Massacres because now we send women because of the allure, then why were they ever sending men in the first place? Why did it take so long to decide to train girls instead? (The story's answer: unquestioned patriarchy. Girls aren't warriors. Because.) Fourth: no one has much of a personality, they're too busy getting killed. Of the twenty girls who set sail, I believe only seven or eight survive. They are mostly names on a page who die. Even some of the survivors, I couldn't tell you anything about, be it their physical appearance or their demeanor. They are mermaid fodder, some are there to be Captain Crazypants' cronies, they are faceless and interchangeable in death. Back to the "romance" for a second: I don't read Meela's constant distaste for her compatriots talking about boys or their boyfriends as her actually being in love with her female mermaid childhood best friend. That early, it doesn't even seem to allow for the possibility. It was far easier for me to read Meela as ace and/or aro--she seems completely uninterested in romance with the guy back home who's in love with her, and she says outright at one point that she can't imagine kissing him or having kids with him. Yes, it's all coded, but to me that's all code for aro-ace, possibly even to the point of sex-repulsed ace. The depth of her aceness would be open to interpretation, but nothing about her characterization for most of the book, such as it is, says to me, "no, she doesn't like Tanuu or boys in general but she's got confused feelings for girls she doesn't understand." She just doesn't seem to think romantic love or sex is important. So throwing it out there at the very end that she thinks she's in love with Lysi doesn't ring true to me at all, even though I could see it coming from the structure. Final problem: the plot takes a completely unexpected and illogical turn at the last second. The whole book has been about the Massacre, and then when it's almost over, our main character sacrifices herself (kind of) and gets captured by the mer-king (sort of) who agrees to let her and the few remaining crew go home so she can find a MacGuffin that's apparently a legend of their home island...that none of them have ever heard of. So if they don't know their own legends, how does the mer-king? There's no foreshadowing for this (or if there is it's so subtle as to be invisible), it makes no sense with the rest of the book, narratively speaking it's a deus ex machina to get them home when they're basically doomed otherwise. And obviously it's setting up the next book. But I don't care. I don't care because this one is so bad I don't want to read any more.

[science-lings]

Could you make a 2nd part for the magic Peter AU, please?

It’s a little longer than I planned...

Peter woke up in a place so unlike anywhere he had ever been that he immediately sat up in shock. The bed felt like sleeping on a cloud with a blanket softer than anything he had ever felt. To his back were a dozen soft pillows that matched the dark red colors of the room. The similarly toned wooden frame of the bed was crowded with beautifully detailed carvings of dragons and scenery. There were even gemstones fitted into the eyes of the large central mythical creatures on the headboard.

Peter recognized the pressure and dulled pain in his shoulder from the wound he got however long ago. He looked down at the pristine bandage that was under a tunic that Peter knew didn’t belong to him. First of all, it was made of soft, fine linen was a lighter red than most of the room and had gold embroidery around the sleeves and collar and there was an image of a dragon within an empty upside-down triangle which was inside of an empty circle. The strange design looked a lot like a family crest but it wasn’t one that he immediately recognized. Secondly, the tunic was too big for him. Perhaps it was to not irritate the wound. Peter didn’t want to think about it.

Before he could awkwardly get out of bed and wander around like a lost puppy, the big wooden door opened. Normally Peter was a little skittish around the non-magic folk but his extra sense didn’t seem to be warning him of any danger so he assumed that he was safe. Relatively.

“Oh! You’re awake! Well, that’s wonderful!” The man that came in was older and had the appearance of a butler or aging servant, but even more important, he was carrying a tray of food. He had a strong accent and a kind look to him that made Peter feel at ease even if he didn’t know where he was. “Have you been awake for very long?” The man asked.

“Uh, no. I just woke up.” Peter assured. “Could you tell me where I am or what happened?” He asked as the man set down the tray on the nightstand next to the bed.

“I do suppose you were unconscious when you arrived… You’re in the Castle of Lord Stark. The man himself saved you the day before last however this isn’t exactly out of character for my master. He has done similar things twice before, I guess I can’t stop him from helping the children in need.” The man rambled on and Peter didn’t plan to interrupt. In some sense it was comforting, being accepted so quickly by someone he didn’t even know the name of.

“I guess I’ll have to thank him when I see him then.” Peter smiled.

“It won’t be too long now, he was just waiting for you to wake up. He was worried when it took so long. Oh, I apologize, I forgot to introduce myself. I am called Edwin Jarvis, I have worked for Lord Stark since he was a wee baby. I knew his father-”

“I’m not sure he wants to hear all that Jarvis.” Lord Stark stood in the doorway, his voice was more teasing to his servant than genuinely annoyed at him. He looked just as royal as he did when he saved Peter, in silk robes and golden jewelry. Although after the last time they had met, Peter knew that this man was more than a stylistic figure.

“Well I apologize then sir, I guess I’ll leave you to your new ward.” Jarvis nodded.

“I will need you to supervise Harley and Riri, I think they wanted to spar…”

“Goodness, I do feel like your priorities are in order, sir…” Jarvis left the room in a little more of a hurry.

“How are you feeling kid? Is your shoulder bothering you?” Lord Stark asked obviously concerned.

“No, I heal fast anyway, especially when I’m sleeping.” Peter smiled. “I can’t remember if I thanked you while I was delirious in my exhaustion but I would genuinely like to thank you. I don't know what would’ve happened to me if you weren’t there.”  

“I appreciate it but you don’t need to thank me. I mean you can if you want, I am awfully kind…” Lord Stark said dramatically in a way that made Peter have to hold back a laugh. Stark cracked a smile in reaction to Peter.

“Well you are, I exhausted my magic trying to get away from those bandits… I would’ve just passed out in a puddle of my own blood after going through like the worst week of my life.”

“I only saw one bandit, what even happened before I got there?” Anthony raised an eyebrow. In between bites of food, Peter explained what he remembered.

“Well there were a lot more but you found me pretty far from their camp. I was trying to escape them. They wanted to sell me as a slave. I took a couple dozen of them out but got hurt on the way out and exhausted my magic near the end…” Peters' voice got quiet and reverent as he continued.

“I was captured by them after I escaped my village. The spell hiding us wasn’t impenetrable and we were massacred without warning. I didn’t see any other survivors, I only made it out because of my extra connection with magic. I’m not like most magic people, both of my parents are part of strong magical families and I guess together it made me different. I made it out but I was weak from using all of my energy and got captured by the bandits. They were going to turn me in for profit from the king but they decided that they would’ve gotten more money from selling me as a slave.”

Tony listened the whole time with a respectful solemn expression. He had sat on the bed and patiently let Peter ramble in between bites of food. He stole a grape or two but Peter knew he wasn’t going to eat all of the food anyway.

Peter could recognize subtle differences between the food he was used to and what he was being given. Jarvis gave him food that had more meat and different spices then he was used to and Peter was more used to lots of herbs and fresh produce. Both were really good in their own ways.

“I’m sorry that all that happened to you. But I can promise you that you’re safe now.” Tony said softly.

“You can’t promise that.” Peter retorted.

“But I can try.”

“That’s good enough for me.” Peter smiled.

***

“You’ll really like Harley, and Riri too if I’m honest… How do you feel about babies? My wife had our kid about a year ago and she’s just the cutest child I have ever encountered…” Anthony talked as they strolled through the exquisite halls on their way to the training area where he knew Harley and Riri would be. “Her grandma Margret is taking care of her now, I think she likes my baby more than she likes me.” Peter snickered in response.

His eyes caught on a spot on the wall with portraits of Lord Starks ward. The far left one was of a dark-skinned girl with curly hair carefully braided behind her back, she wore a gold and red gown and a slight smirk. Next in line was a pale woman with light red hair and a turquoise dress holding a bundle of gold, barely revealing a sleeping baby. Peter assumed that it was Lord Starks wife. Next to her was the painting of an elderly woman with immaculate white-streaked hair and a sharp expression.

Next in line was Lord Stark himself, looking a little less lively than he did in real life. His dark eyes were more piercing than warm like they were in the flesh. Next to him was a teenage boy with a mop of blonde hair just barely short enough to keep his bright blue eyes in view. Out of everyone, he seemed the most lively rather than trying to look all serious and royal like the rest of the family. He wore gold armor that somehow managed to look just as formal as the rest of the portraits. He wore a shining cape that was bright red on the outside and blue on the inside.

“If you decide to stay with us, I’ll have one done of you too.” The nobleman offered as they continued to stroll.

“So this isn’t a temporary thing? You’re completely willing to harbor me here? You know that if the king finds out, we’re all screwed…” Peter avoided Anthony's gaze.

“Well, Harley is technically a criminal and because of her skin, Riri has been shunned by most nobles. I did the complete opposite of what my father wanted me to do, the king sees me as a wildcard, but I think we'll be okay. Besides, I think you’re underestimating us.” Lord Stark grinned. “We may not have magic but we’re all pretty special in out own ways.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt that.” They made it to the entrance of the courtyard where the teenagers from the paintings were quickfire sparing with swords. Peter could barely keep up with what was going on, blades were flying with such speed that all of the fighting seemed like just a confusing blur.

Riri, the one in the slimmer red armor, knocked Harley, the one in bulkier dark armor, off of his feet while he was distracted noticing Peter. Both swords-people took off their protective helmets and looked towards the newcomers. Harley hopped up and grinned as he bounded towards them like a golden retriever puppy.

“Hey wizard boy, did you decide to sleep in?” Harley stopped and leaned on his sword.

“Maybe a little.” Peter shrugged.

“Little Peter here’s had a rough week so we’re going to be extra nice okay?” Anthony glared at his other adopted kids. Everyone, even Peter, rolled their eyes.

“So… you have magic right? What can you do with it?” Harley asked as he caught his breath.

“Magic is practically limitless. I mean, there are limits, like energy consumption, but basically, anything is possible, I guess.” Peter stammered a bit. He wasn’t used to being so open about something he would usually be killed for.

“Sir,” Jarvis came into the room, “I’m afraid we have an issue.” Peter was almost relieved to exit the conversation. Jarvis didn’t look very concerned.

“Is Hammer mad that we’re better than him again, he loves to send his army over for a nice chat…” Tony shrugged.

“Well, if you need a reason to show off…” Jarvis sighed.

“Wonderful, Children, to your steeds! Peter, are you in any shape to fight?”

“You guys did want to see some magic right?” Peter smiled.

“Take him to the stables, let him ride the new one. The white one.” Lord Stark said as Harley rushed out of the room and Riri picked up his black helmet and followed. “I guess I forget to tell you something important. It’ll be more fun to show you anyway.”

“What the hell does that mean-”

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Peter rode the horse slowly out of the stables. The horse was beautiful, a long white mane and light eyes. Straps of gold was wrapped around her and she almost looked like a unicorn without the horn, with just as much delicacy and royalty as the magical creature. Everything from the saddle to the reigns were exquisite and gold, worthy of a king rather than a lord. Peter felt powerful when he rode her. However, this feeling would be insignificant when the Starks came out on their steeds.

They didn’t have horses, not even lions or wolves. Their steeds blotted out the sun which made Peter look up in awe. Suddenly the Stark family crest was not just symbolism. Three massive dragons landed in the field in front of him. A deep red one that held Riri in her cloth and armor, A black one with somehow elegant spikes held Harley with his matching armor, and flashiest of all, a gold and red dragon that held the Lord himself. He had a smirk meant especially for Peter.

Each dragon was a different size and shape but they all had a magnificence to them. Curling thorns and golden eyes, wings larger than the length of a building. Tony’s and Riri’s had long sharp snouts, Harleys seemed a little more short and round but still had a dangerous presence.

Peter had to calm down his spooked horse but with a flash of golden from his eyes, the horse obeyed.

“I don’t know why I expected anything less…” Peter smiled as he rode nearer to them.

“We’ll give you a head start, we have places to be.” Harley laughed. Peter decided that he wanted to impress them just as much as they did him. He smiled and with only a magical prompting, his horse started to sprint. Peter closed his eyes and lifted his hands at his sides. Golden magic rippled off of his form and light apparated on the sides of the horse. With a bright flash, the light became strong feathered wings. Peter shot into the air with his modified steed and he opened his brightly glowing eyes that matched his radiant smile.

Moments later he was joined in the sky with a squadron of dragons and their royal riders. Surprisingly enough, they looked impressed. Peter closed his eyes again and with a few more wisps of gold magic, his simple tunic turned into the robes he saw when the mages went for combat. Dramatic but surprisingly easy to move around it. A dramatic cloak with an optional hood, plenty of sacred jewelry, delicate golden face paint, the works. Sure, he was a little tired from just conjuring up everything but he wasn’t going to show it.

“Gods we are dramatic…” Lord Anthony sighed. His kids all grinned.

“It’s too bad we can’t go for a recreational flight…” Riri sighed.

“We’ll have plenty of time for that… after we teach ‘Lord’ Hammer not to bug us.” Harley pointed out.

“So… who’s ready for a dramatic entrance?” Anthony smiled.

[fragmentedshards]

The Final Curtain, Chapter Seven

Nocturne

-

Self-reflection.

Mei Rin never underwent the process of self-reflection unless the situation was a dire one. She had briefly reflected on who she was becoming the first time she assassinated someone, but by the time Sebastian had appeared to recruit her she was almost immune to the flickers of integrity in her soul. Working to protect the Phantomhive manor and the young master, she never committed any tasks that called her integrity into question. She, as well as Bard and Finny, prevented threats from harming the young master, and that was that.

Then the circus performers came.

They had materialized in the middle of the night with the obvious purpose of attacking the manor and the young earl. The servants eliminated the ragtag band using every manner at their disposal, and never gave a fully conscious second thought until after the fact. The members of the Noah's Ark Circus had all been so young, they could not have been acting on their own; they must have been working for someone.

Mei Rin had felt her first twang of a guilty heartstring in a long time when she heard the grieving cry of the one called Peter, when she had shot the one called Wendy. She had pushed those little thoughts aside, continuing to protect the Phantomhive manor with every bit of her being. But the feelings continued, until the day she stumbled upon the files for the Noah's Ark Circus case when cleaning the earl's study. The performers had been working for someone; their benefactor and, for all intents and purposes, father. They had acted out of protection for their assumed family, just as she, Bard, and Finny had protected their own "family" that fateful evening.

Then came the fire.

Several cases for the Queen later, after Sebastian and the young master had investigated all manner of murders and kidnappings and deceit, acquiring Pluto in the process, the fire had struck London. It was, physically, the work of Pluto, being controlled - Mei Rin knew now - by an angel of massacre. The earl had convinced her and the other servants that Pluto was out of his mind, succumbing to the beast inside of himself, and urged them to shoot; to put him out of his misery. And they did. And Mei Rin's guilt gushed within every vein. In her own mind, no matter what logic the others applied, she had murdered a friend - in a way, a family member - and thus, her integrity was abolished for good.

These musings and memories flooded Mei Rin's mind as she stood before the mirror in her room in the servants' quarters, preparing to meet Sebastian in the garden. She had spent the evening helping Paula take care of the Abberline baby, and with her tasks as well as Sebastian's completed for the night, it was time for the second wave of discussion.

She did not look forward to it.

All the nervousness that would have filled her with anticipation for meeting Sebastian at any other time did not exist now. Instead, Mei Rin felt a numb anger. She had

wholeheartedly forgiven Sebastian for his fooling her and the other servants, but the thought of everything that had come to light about the young master left her disillusioned about what she had so long perceived as an idyllic life. She could not protect the boy who had given her so much. Mei Rin stared expressionless at her reflection in the full-length mirror, then slowly reached up to her face and removed her eyeglasses, placing them in a drawer in her nightstand.

With a last glance at herself, she turned on her heel and lethargically exited her room, making her way to the Phantomhive gardens.

~

Sebastian was waiting when Mei Rin arrived. How long he had waited, she could not tell. He saw her approaching, regarding her almost kindly. When she reached him, he gave a nod of the head by way of greeting, to which she only stared.

"Mei Rin, whatever happened to your glasses?" Sebastian inquired, noticing the maid's distinctly bright, cat-like eyes. "True, I don't suppose you need to disguise your astounding eyesight anymore..."

Mei Rin shook her head. "I don't deserve them, I don't," she stated, her voice rendered monotone. "I was supposed to protect the young master, and I failed. I don't deserve that gift from him."

The butler watched her speak. "In fact, your job, as well as Bard and Finny's job, was to protect the Phantomhive Manor; I was tasked with protecting the young master's life." he placed a hand on the maid's shoulder. "You failed at nothing."

"Are you so sure?" Mei Rin unenthusiastically jerked her shoulder away. "Did you forget the utter destruction of the manor after Pluto's fire?"

"If all had gone according to plan, the state of the manor would have meant nothing," Sebastian continued. "The young master had achieved his revenge; I should have taken his soul.

If I had not lost my arm - and, with it, the contract seal - the young master would be long dead, and the condition of the Phatomhive estate would be inconsequential to all."

"And what would have become of us?" Mei Rin demanded, glaring at the butler. "Finny, Bard and myself - why, even Tanaka! What would we have done, without the young master and the estate, without even you to guide us?"

"Do you really believe I would not have provided for each of you?" Sebastian countered, audibly disgruntled.

"To be frank, Mister Sebastian," Mei Rin's voice was frighteningly calm. "I believe you would not have given any of us a second thought after consuming the young master's soul."

Sebastian was speechless. He realized, confounded, that the maid was right even though she was wrong. He had made preparations to give each of them new employment following the desecration of the manor, but it was true: he would never think of them again beyond that. They had been meaningless to him. Had been. He stared at her guiltily, wondering how and why he managed to get into this situation. She glared back, unmoving. At length, he lowered his head in admittance.

"Since the young master made the choice to reveal the truth to everyone and continue running Funtom, and we traveled back to the estate, I have thought in detail about humans," the butler confessed. "Demons think of humans primarily as food, you see, and that is still correct in that the devouring of human souls remains the source of sustenance for a demon. But viewing the human race as only food is, in fact, a misjudgment. I see now, in hindsight and in the moment, how strong and complex humans really are. You fight with everything you have to protect what you deem important. You fully comprehend your mortality, and though you may fear death you accept it - most humans, at least. Mortality is not a matter presented to demons very often; we have no reason to dwell on it. Living with that shadow over your every action... many demons view that as incredibly naive. I see now that to still regard humans in that light is to remain in ignorance."

Mei Rin watched Sebastian closely throughout his soliloquy. When she assumed he had finished, she kept her eyes on him a moment longer before exhaling sharply through her nose and looking away. "Mortality brings different meanings to different people. Growing to respect the human race as a whole is an improvement to your character, but keep in mind that not all humans are the same."

"Just as I hope you will keep in mind, Mei Rin," the butler replied coolly, "That not all demons are the same."

The maid glanced at him, but said nothing.

They walked silently throughout the garden for several minutes before Sebastian decided to speak again. "I suppose the best use of our meeting tonight would be to examine our respective feelings regarding one another," he began, but another scoff from Mei Rin made him stop short.

"Is that really the wisest use of our time?" she questioned. "I feel a certain way and you are immune to feeling. How does that warrant an examination?"

"Today I have been noticing unfamiliar stirrings within myself," the butler answered, matter-of-factly. "Well... I suppose unfamiliar is not the correct word. I was human once, and I experienced sensations similar to these current stirrings. I have been subject to them before today as well, but they were not nearly as strong. I believe it is safe to say that, due to the abundance of unprecedented activity in the recent past, my emotions are returning to me. I am, if you will, learning to feel again."

This caught Mei Rin's attention. Her eyes widened at Sebastian in curiousity. "Learning to feel again? That's an interesting notion. I wonder if it will change your disposition."

Sebastian sighed in amusement. "I have been this way for nearly a millennium. I can hardly remember what it was like to be human, or what sort of human I was. I have no way of knowing how my newfound humanity will affect me now." he paused, then chuckled softly.

"The only thing I know that remained in me from my humanity is my love of cats."

The maid allowed herself to laugh along at this remark. "I expect this will be a journey for all of us, then. It never occurred to me that you might have to make adjustments as well. I wish you luck, Mr. Sebastian."

"I confess I do not believe in luck, Mei Rin," Sebastian fixed her with his crimson eyes, and he began looking more familiar to her. She found this comforting, somehow. "Especially in this situation, after all; I will have you and the others to instruct me."

He smiled kindly at her, an expression which she gladly returned. And with that, Mei Rin slowly felt her resentment - both towards herself and towards the black-clad butler - fade away.

[drinkupthesunrise]

Star Wars Rare Pairs Exchange Letter 2018

Hey! While I’m pretty sure I will love WHATEVER you make me, if you are in need / want of some advice, the following may be of interest to you:

In general, I like: pining, unrequited love that turns out not to be unrequited, people being friends & in love with each other generally, found family, ridiculous references, fic that explores what characters mean to each other in a greater context, alt!timeline shit (ie, what would happen if a character had made x choice instead of y), complicated relationships, baby/kid!fic, hurt/comfort.

Things I do not want: character bashing, unnecessary character death (ymmv here it’s Star Wars, characters die, I accept that, but please don’t kill anyone off in the pairings, canonical deaths are fine), gratuitous / explicit violence, mundane!AUs (coffee!shop, high school/college, etc), dubcon/noncon in any form, cheating, first person POV.

General links that might be useful to you: my ao3 works, my fic writing tag, my ficlet tag, and my general star wars tag. 

General note: I like characters, and relationships, best when they’re situated in a world that feels real, and that means having other characters around them, and the relationships between them. While the pairings below should definitely be the focus of any fic, please feel free to slip in other things that you think I might like. I think what’s below should give you an idea of that, hopefully :D. For instance, I adore Wedge’s relationship / friendship with the rest of the Fab Four / his pilots in general, and I find the Han / Luke / Leia dynamic endlessly fascinating (both platonically and romantically on all sides), I’m always up for guest appearances from anyone from any point in canon.

Wedge Antilles/Luke Skywalker

Would happily take anything, but specific loves include stuff with them founding Rogue Squadron and that early part of their relationship, where they’re a little unsure and unfamiliar but still utterly trusting of each other? Or in the aftermath of Endor where Luke’s off founding the Jedi Order and Wedge is off fighting the Imperial Remnant and they’re trying to work out if they could have a relationship in all of that? I really love these two, the relationship between them really is one of my all-time faves.

I am also desperate for pre-and-post-TLJ era fic for them. What does Wedge make of Luke’s choices and decisions? Did Wedge go with him to Ahch-To? If Wedge is present, how does that affect the choices Luke makes?

I would also sell my soul for Jedi Academy-era fic in which Wedge is a teacher at Luke’s Jedi Academy, either with them in an established relationship and founding the school, or where Wedge gets involved somehow and slowly realises, oh, actually, Luke is very attractive and there is a lot of pining, and Luke is off having the same realisations about Wedge.

Wedge Antilles/Mara Jade/Luke Skywalker

In which Wedge Antilles and Mara Jade have precisely one thing in common: they both think that Luke Skywalker is endearing and also kinda useless, and would do anything for him. Which includes teaming up to save Luke when he gets into yet more trouble (insert situation of choice here) despite the fact that Mara is really not very convinced by this short fly-boy with floppy hair who cannot act, and Wedge is not really over the fact that Mara wanted to kill Luke. Bonus points for them discovering that they have far more in common than they think, and for Talon Karrde & Booster Terrik background shenanigans.

(I’d be okay with platonic!wedge&mara, if you can’t get that bit to work, but I would like Wedge and Mara to both be in love with Luke - or on their way there - and for Luke to love them both back.)

Wedge Antilles/Leia Organa

I think Wedge and Leia are very alike, in some ways - both soldiers with a sense of duty that goes far beyond themselves, who’d sacrifice their personal lives for their ideals every time. So anything that builds on that, really; either early Alliance / Rebellion (pre / post Yavin), with Leia still trying to sort out her feelings for Han / Luke and working them out with the person who is the mid-ground between the two (fight me on this Wedge is Han’s smuggling no-good self crossed with Luke’s idealism and good!man nature), or possibly after the Jedi Temple Massacre, or post TLJ, where they are the last two left standing and seek solace in each other?

Also! If you have read the 2013 Marvel Star Wars comic (the Wood/D’Anda one), you should know I was so very very very weak for Leia as Squadron Commander and Wedge as her second, and I cannot believe that was an actual thing that happened in Legends okay??

Wedge Antilles/Han Solo

Okay I can hear you probably going ‘huh what’ and I submit to you these quotes from the X-Wing books, and actually the entirety of Solo Command as a book. Essentially, Corellians giving each other shit. But no seriously in Solo Command there’s a real easiness and willingness to tease and I’d be really interested as to how they got there, and if it ever was anything more.

Also, in new canon – I’ve always figured that Wedge and Han might have a bit of antagonistic start to their relationship, Wedge is much more of a believer and very willing to die for the cause – how does he react when he finds out what Han did in Solo? Aiding Enfys Nest? Does that change his feelings?

Wedge Antilles/Leia Organa/Han Solo

Okay so Wedge spends an astonishing amount of time in the X-Wing books putting Han and Leia’s relationship back together (only for The Courtship of Princess Leia to happen, poor guy.) Like. He’s really invested in it. And also half in love with both of them it seems.

But, what I really want … is new canon, in which during the Aftermath trilogy Wedge ends up staying with Leia, and sort of never leaves, and even when Han comes back he’s still there, and then he helps out when Ben is born, because Wedge is very good with babies and this is a very important fact, and slowly Han and Leia realise, oh, wait, we never want him to leave.

I would also be very happy with drunken hook-ups, or Han and Leia accidentally propositioning Wedge.

Wedge Antilles/Biggs Darklighter

They must have known each other on Yavin, so it’s not inconceivable that they might have met and, y’know, got it on. So quick and dirty introductions, or possibly even something set later, after the Death Star battle, where Biggs!lives and the two pilots who didn’t get that shot off try and find solace in each other.

Wedge Antilles/Bodhi Rook

So – well, Wedge was at the Imperial Academy for a time, as was Bodhi, and although it’s unlikely they were in classes together, I think that their paths could have crossed; what’s it like when they see each other on Yavin all those years later? If Bodhi is the only survivor of the Rogue One team, and Wedge is the only survivor of the original pilots (Luke is too new, really) do they find solace in each other? Do they only really catch up after the war with each other, and suddenly realise that no one else is quite going to understand their grief? (I am heavily into Wedge Antilles has a case of survivor’s guilt the size of a Star Destroyer this ship only compounds my feelings).

Wedge Antilles/Lando Calrissian

They took down a Death Star together, that’s a start. I think the other thing about these two is they’re both very set on keeping their people safe – Wedge with his pilots, Lando with the people of Cloud City, and they have principles and lines they won’t cross but they’ll go through hell and back to try and save as many as they can. So maybe something about that?

Wedge Antilles/Col "Fake Wedge" Takbright

I can’t believe Jason Fry made ‘fake wedge’ an actual thing, but IT HAPPENED, and so we should all take advantage of this glorious fact by making them kiss or something, I dunno, fill in the blanks.

On a semi-serious note, I actually really like the care between them at the end of that story, how Col takes one look at about-to-succumb-to-the-worst-survivor’s-guilt-wedge and just, doesn’t stand for it. And so I would LOVE fic about all the times that Col keeps digging Wedge out of despair. Maybe about how Col turns into Wedge’s most erstwhile defender, and Wedge keeps asking why Col keeps putting himself on the line for him, and realisations about how maybe what’s between them has developed into something more.

Wedge Antilles/Mon Mothma

This was mostly crack, until I incepted myself with last year’s rare pairs letter, and now I have very serious feelings about it and I want them to be in love. And have really good sex.

I think they are both serious impassioned people who want to do what is right, only Wedge is brash and daring and Mon is tempered by experience / diplomacy. So maybe something where Wedge does something reckless and Mon has to take him to task for it? Or Wedge trying to lure Mon out of her seriousness, but also he is a very serious person himself but seriously, Chancellor, you have been at your desk for twenty hours please come to the mess. Love letters – they write letters after the war and slowly fall in love?

Fucked-up power dynamics are also very much a feature: Mon is ultimately Wedge’s commander in chief, his life is in her hands, etc. I like the power play, I like it a lot.

Wedge Antilles/Amilyn Holdo

There’s something about the way Amilyn reacts to flyboys doing stupid things, like she has seen it all before. Maybe she has? I feel these two would have really good banter and a very sparky relationship, lots of challenging each other. But also mutual respect, possibly found later – they are both very good at their jobs.

I’d love fic set post-Rebellion era, where they’re both trying to find their footing in the new Galaxy, or maybe fic set around TLJ – what if Wedge is with the Resistance? Does he conflict with Amilyn over her command decisions? (I think Amilyn should still have charge of the Resistance, don’t make Wedge outrank her.) Can he mediate the conflict between her and Poe? What if Wedge is with the Republic and brings a fleet to save the day?

Wes Janson/Derek “Hobbie” Klivian

So Wes and Hobbie are like the ultimate wingpair / brothers-in-arms, they are two peas in a pod, and I love them. I like slow realisation of feelings, the dragging out of the relationship over the years, perhaps one of them pining away whilst the other one wakes up one day and is like ‘oh, it’s you, you’ve been here all along and I never noticed.’ But also! Comic shenanigans, prank wars between them, practical jokes, truth or dare - I’m easy to please, honestly.

Jagged Fel/Jaina Solo/Zekk

Okay, for those who didn’t go and read all of Legends… Jagged Fel is Wedge Antilles’ nephew, Jaina Solo was Han and Leia’s daughter, and Zekk was one of Luke’s students. There was a bit of a love triangle going on. However, in many points, it was less of a love triangle, and more… well. They should have all banged.

Key moments include that time Jaina and Zekk were in a hive mind, and got slightly confused over whose memories were whose, leading to this conversation:

Our boyfriend means business, Zekk observed.

Don’t know that it’s him. And it’s old boyfriend.

Right. We’re so over him.

We?

And also the bit in Legacy of the Force: Invincible, where after Jag and Zekk help pull Jaina out of a sticky situation, she, in a state of confusion due to her banged up head, asks them to both to bunk with her.

So, basically, I want poly shenanigans – fic after the proposed quarters sharing would be great (what if Jag and Zekk took her seriously and had already moved everything about by the time she came round???), messy relationship rebuilding after the Dark Nest fiasco, something where Zekk steps in as Jaina and Jag’s relationship starts to fall apart post NJO? I dunno. But I want them all to kiss.

Plourr Ilo/Evaan Verlaine

They are both kickass lady pilots, and they are both very gay, sooooooooo… it is a crime that they do not exist in the same canon. I want shenanigans. I want an encounter where one or both is undercover and they don’t realise the other is a rebellion / new republic pilot until after everything. I want them on different squadrons trying to one up each other.

[pamphletstoinspire]

7 Surprising Things the Characters of the Christmas Story Taught Me About Myself

Written By - Ruth Baker

If you were to walk through the narrative of the Nativity story, you’d know it pretty well, right? That’s not a trick question, because I agree, we all know it very well. But what if the reason why we know it so well isn’t just because we’ve heard it year in, year out since we were babies? What if it was for another, deeper reason?

What if each of the main players of the Nativity story magnified certain characteristics of our heart? What if in the Nativity story, we found ourselves at our deepest level, in the hearts of those we read about?

When I approach each one of the main characters from the Christmas story, I see that they correspond directly to something in my heart. I think that’s the same for all of us. They were ordinary people thrown into extraordinary situations. How they responded shows us the truth of their hearts, and it shows us ours, too.

To explain this, I’m going to approach the stable from the outside in, counting down through seven people of the Nativity story who have taught me something deep about myself.

7. Herod: The Part of Me That Doesn’t Want Another King

Herod is the part of me that does not want another king, that does not want to bow down before anything else that is not myself. This part of me is completely ruled by my fear, the fear that I am not enough. This fear distills itself into pride, to prove that I am enough by myself, rather than enough when completed by Christ. Herod is the part of me that will defend my own kingdom no matter the cost, (Matt 2:16) the part of me that ignores the desire of my heart to worship the God who created me, and instead turns to other idols and addictions to appease my ego. It is the part of me that despises the call to “be like little children”. It is the part of me that wants power, unchecked.

6. Herod’s Advisors: My Knowledge of God That I Ignore

Matthew’s Gospel (Matt 2:3) tells us that “the whole of Jerusalem”- not just Herod- was perturbed by the news that there was to be an infant King of the Jews. Herod gathered chief priests and the scribes of the people around him. They were able to tell him exactly of the prophecy of the leader of Judah. They had knowledge of God and of the child that would be born. But where were they when Herod commanded all boys aged two and under to be massacred? Did they try to stay his hand? Herod’s advisors are the part of my heart that has knowledge of God, but does not follow that up with love, simply ignoring it, or worse still, lets evil reign. It is the part of my heart that is completely ruled by fear, and does nothing to abate others’ suffering or fear. Perhaps that is why Jesus tells us so many times in the Gospels to “be not afraid”, because He knows how much sin stems from fear.

5. The Three Kings: My Deepest Desires

When I think of the Three Kings, sometimes called the Wise Men, of the gospels and tradition, I think of a rich sense of adventure. These men and their journey are the part of my heart that knows I am made for more and that yearns for an adventure to find that.

Though they were strangers from a far off unnamed land, they were not content until they had followed their deepest longings to find the infant king of the Jews (Matt 2:2). How far beyond themselves they must have gone! Beyond their own countries, their own cultures, presumably their own religion. But something in them was stirred and they could not ignore it. How often do we feel an awakening in our hearts, an unquenchable desire for more, for something beyond us? We know that we are made for more than what we have- this is why we keep searching for more in ourselves. As C.S Lewis wrote: “If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.” (From Mere Christianity)

The Wise Men recognised this, and we recognise it in ourselves, in the desires of our heart that cannot fully be quenched. Indeed, the meaning of the verb “desire” relates to the stars themselves. Like the Wise Men, we will follow that star, that desire, where ever it takes us. Perhaps too the Wise Men represent the true moments of joy in our lives, the times when we recognise how close God is to us, when God takes us on an adventure beyond our wildest dreams, when God shows us what we are longing for, and allows us to kneel close before Him.

4. The Shepherds: My Poverty

If the Three Kings are the rich, high-spirited sense of adventure in my heart, then the shepherds are the poorer side of that desire. The shepherds represent the poverty of my heart. “In the countryside close by there were shepherds who lived in the fields and took it in turns to watch their flocks during the night”. (Luke 2:8). Let us consider again who the shepherds were. Most likely poor, perhaps not able to feed their children, slave to the drudgery of whatever work they could find. They lived in a land occupied by a brutal, hostile conqueror. Their beliefs and customs were barely tolerated. They were an oppressed people, no stranger to violence and injustice and the rigours of the natural and animal world that they watched over. No strangers to the night, to shadowy dealings in the darkness.

Yet at the same time, they knew how to care, how to go after the lost lamb, how to keep their flock together, and safe from the prey that would be out to kill their sheep. The shepherds were the ones that “hurried” to the manger after the angels had visited them. They were the ones to tell Mary and Joseph what they had heard about the saviour that had been born, “astonishing” everyone who heard them with what they had to say. Truly, they were the epitome of the Beatitudes: the meek who inherit the earth, the ones that hunger and thirst for righteousness.

The shepherds are the part of me that recognises my poverty, that my heart is occupied by sin, that I can be a slave to the brutality of other’s sin that trespasses on the sacred land of my heart. It is the part of me that longs to return home, to receive the grace that calls me out of the shadows of the night and into the warmth of the stable. It is the part of me that throws down all I have (not much), that takes up my best self, my desires, all the times I try so hard to do what is right. It is the part of me that takes a chance on hope, that hurries out into the night to search for my God. It is the part of me that knows and trusts that God can fill up my emptiness with something the world cannot give. It is the part of me that knows, eventually, my poverty does not matter: the joy of meeting God is a richness beyond anything I could ever hope to possess.

3. Joseph: Courage and Strength

I think the worst times in life are the times when something so terrible has happened that it feels as though the earth has been ripped from beneath you and the map of your life (which you could see so clearly ahead of you) has been torn up. It is a disorientating place to be, besides whatever other suffering you may be experiencing. I wonder if this is how Joseph felt when he heard the news of Mary’s pregnancy. Reassurances from an angel aside, courage and strength was required for probably longer than we give St Joseph credit for. Perhaps it was a daily learning to re-calibrate his will to the will of the Father.

Joseph is the part of my heart that says yes, God, I will trust in You, and I will take on what is not my own, and I will exercise true love in putting what is best for the other person above what I want. Joseph is the part of my heart that accepts that God’s plan is better than my own, the part of my heart that acknowledges that even when I feel like a stranger in my own life, I can still trust that God has my life in His caring hands.

Joseph is the part of my heart that does what is right, simply because it is right, but that exercises that rightness with love and care. He is the part of my heart that is foster-parent to the plans of my life that come from God and not from me, but which I do not bulk from, knowing that fear is not of God and that I do not need to be afraid of what God’s gives me.

2. Mary: My Heart at My Most Deepest and Purest

Mary is the part of me that sits in peace before the Father, knowing that I don’t need to hide anything before Him. She is the part of my heart that is openly trusts in God, knowing that He is good and that whatever He asks of me is good. She is the part of my heart that knows God is God and I am not. But she is also the part of my heart that knows I am not defined by that “not”. She is the part of my heart that knows I am defined by my place as a son or daughter of the King, that I am “clothed with strength and dignity” (Proverbs 31:25) and that all my actions and choices in life come through that definition.

She is the part of my heart that knows God’s gift of free will, and she is the part of my heart that knows that in trustful obedience we discover our true selves and true happiness.

1. Christ: The Desire of My Heart

Each of these characters, in varying different ways and depths, had direct encounters with the child in the manger. Gathered around Him at the stable, He poses us the biggest challenge of our lives: dare we get to know Him, dare we respond to who He is? Dare we listen to His calling in the quietest chambers of our heart, where nothing else dares to tread? Most of all, dare we still ourselves enough to sit in His presence and feel His peace?

We are all asked this. Each character had their own free will to choose how they would respond. We are not called to chop ourselves up to get through the narrow door of the stable. We are merely asked to lay our baggage down outside. There is room for each one of our characters, whether we respond with the zeal of high adventure, or the haphazard exhausted scrabble of one who makes it just in time. There is room for us whether we cast our crowns down from the moment we first hear of Him, or whether we fling them off as we catch His mother’s eye as we approach her Child. The important thing is to come to the manager with an open heart. God will do the rest.

Click below to see story with related images:

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/7-surprising-things-characters-christmas-story-taught-harold-baines/?published=t

[oadara]

It seems to be the new trend among antis, that Dany fans don't see her faults. Is it so hard to believe that someone can see that Dany isn't perfect and still love her so fiercely? No, my dears the problem with Dany is that there can never be a balanced discussion on her. Haters only tend to point out her faults, which causes a knee jerk reaction from her fans to defend her.

Hi anon, 

The most bizarre thing about people who hate her character is that they discuss her fault constantly. Go to any discussion board and the overwhelming majority of topics on Dany are about one or another of her faults in comparison to positive discussion of her character. 

I’ve discussed Dany’s faults ad nauseum, before the hullabaloo about the season 7 leaks, that was what the majority of my asks where about. So, it’s not like fans of Dany don’t talk about her faults, it’s that we are tired that that is almost all we talk about when she comes up in a discussion. 

To further the problem, almost all the people who hate the character are constantly either twisting her actions to show her actions in a more negative light then they are or misrepresent her storyline. This of course makes fans of Dany’s character defensive, because she’s accused of doing things she doesn’t even do, so we can never have an honest debate. 

Take for example her decision to have the wine seller daughter’s tortured. I’m going to quote myself now because I’ve already discussed this:

While I don’t condone torture in general especially in our world, in the world of ASOIAF it’s common practice among rulers and leaders. We see Jon for example locking the Karstark in the ice cell at the Wall to torture him with the cold or not caring about the Qhorin turturing the Wildling for information or forcing Gilly to give up her baby and switch her little boy with that of Mance’s.

The events of Meereen are muddled but we do know that at the establishment of the wine seller where his daughters worked, 9 people where massacred by the Harpy, including some of Dany’s Unsullied, presumably with the assistance of the wine seller and his daughters.

At first Dany doesn’t want them to be tortured but when she remembers what happened, to her butchered Unsullied and that one of them was Missandei’s brother, she acquiesces to the Shavepate’s request to have the women questioned sharply.

Was is it a shinny moment for Dany? No, of course not. She shouldn’t have allowed the Shavepate to question the women harshly in front of their father in order to get the information they were looking for. But at the time Dany’s people were being butchered by the Harpy and she was desperate to make the killings stop.

In addition to this somehow the fandom came to believe that the wine seller’s daughters were little girls, but there is no evidence of that in the books, in fact this is all the information we have about them:

Your servants have arrested the owner of the wineshop and his daughters. They plead their ignorance and beg for mercy.” They all plead ignorance and beg for mercy. “Give them to the Shavepate. Skahaz, keep each apart from the others and put them to the question.”

“It will be done, Your Worship. Would you have me question them sweetly, or sharply?”

“Sweetly, to begin. Hear what tales they tell and what names they give you. It may be they had no part in this.” She hesitated.

“Nine, the noble Reznak said. Who else?”

“Three freedmen, murdered in their homes,” the Shavepate said. “A moneylender, a cobbler, and the harpist Rylona Rhee. They cut her fingers off before they killed her.” The queen flinched.

Rylona Rhee had played the harp as sweetly as the Maiden. When she had been a slave in Yunkai, she had played for every highborn family in the city. In Meereen she had become a leader amongst the Yunkish freedmen, their voice in Dany’s councils. “We have no captives but this wineseller?”

“None, this one grieves to confess. We beg your pardon.” Mercy, thought Dany. They will have the dragon’s mercy.

“Skahaz, I have changed my mind. Question the man sharply.”

“I could. Or I could question the daughters sharply whilst the father looks on. That will wring some names from him.” “Do as you think best, but bring me names.” Her fury was a fire in her belly. “I will have no more Unsullied slaughtered..“

I mean to some, Dany practically had infants tortured. I wonder if they came to the conclusion because they are referred to as daughters and the urge to infantilize women is so strong in our society. 

Fans of Dany are quite aware of her faults and it’s the reason we love the character so much, because she feels real to us. She makes mistakes teenagers make, her impulsiveness, her anger, was experienced by most of us when we were that age. Not at that scale of course, none of us were conquering continents but we know what it feels like to be so angry at an injustice you just want shit to burn. 

She’ll grow out of it, like we did, and be a better person for it. She is someone who genuinely cares about the people who have been forgotten and neglected by society and is willing to do something about it. Unlike most. 

TTFN

[lizzy-matthews]

S2 Chapter 1

Here’s my next story I’m posting. Again, it doesn’t have a title, and it’s completely different than the story I posted yesterday, but I hope you like it!

Edit: I gave it a sort of title, and I also changed Cameron’s name to Jackson, since some people were giving me grief about having both main male character’s in the two stories I posted be named Cameron...

My dad was a scientist, with a lab in our basement. I never really knew what he did, specifically, until one day, when he told me to get my younger brother and meet him down in the lab. I was seventeen, and my brother was fourteen.

Upon entering the lab, I was amazed by all the test tubes and wires and lots of other stuff I'd never seen or even heard of before. My dad was down there with his friend and partner, Mr. Reed, whose two sons were there as well.

"Good, you're here," my dad said. "I need you two to sit in these chairs next to Jackson and Kyle." Jackson and Kyle, Dad's friend's sons, were sitting in two 'chairs' that looked more like electric chairs or something. They were tied down and everything.

"Um, Dad? What exactly are we doing?" I asked nervously as Mr. Reed strapped down Chris, my brother.

"We've got a breakthrough! We're on the verge of a scientific revolution, and we need human test subjects," he replied crazily. My dad had never really seemed to care much for us, but to risk our lives on some stupid project of his?

"You need human test dummies, so you two both decided to use your own kids?" I answered angrily. I didn't like being used for science against my will, but he was my dad, and I wasn't yet eighteen, so I legally had to do what he said.

"Oh, come on, Lexi. Don't you trust me?" I turned my head away in answer. "Well whether or not you trust me, you're going to do this, and I promise not to hurt you."

I tuned out whatever else he said to me. I wasn't in the mood to hear one of his speeches about how this was all for 'the greater good.'

Suddenly, there was a needle in my arm, injecting who knows what. A bright light flashed across my vision, and I was afraid I had been completely drained of all my blood, then everything went dark.

When I woke up, my dad was over me, shining a flashlight in my eyes.

"She's up!" My dad yelled across to Mr. Reed. "How do you feel? Do you feel any pain, or discomfort in any way?"

"No, I feel fine, why? What were you injecting in me?" I asked, sitting up. Somehow I had been released from the chair and was collapsed on the floor.

"We injected in all of you a serum that is supposed to enhance the human senses and abilities. In a way, you were supposed to receive some kind of, uh, superpower."

I looked around the room and noticed that Jackson, Kyle, and Chris were no longer in the room. "Where are the others?" I asked. "And do they have any superpowers?"

"The others went upstairs to the kitchen. They didn't have quite the same reaction as you, but they do feel weak, so we sent them to get nourishment while we waited for you to awaken. As for the powers, yes. They all seem to have some sort of new ability. We haven't quite figured out exactly what those powers are, but we want to make sure you're all safe before we get into that."

I walked up the stairs--slowly, because I was still sore all over--and found the boys in the kitchen eating chips.

"Aren't you supposed to be getting nourishment? Chips don't provide any nutritional value," I said obnoxiously to them.

They all looked up, and Jackson awkwardly stood up.

"Are you okay?" He asked. He looked genuinely worried for me, and I was a little surprised.

Jackson was the same age as me, and Kyle was a year younger. We'd all known each other since we were babies. There had never been anything romantic between Jackson and I, but he always seemed to like me at least a little. I still wasn't sure how I felt about him, though.

"Yeah, I'm fine. A little dizzy, I guess." I answered.

"You should sit down," Jackson answered back, holding the chair out for me. I decided to just sit down. His hand brushed over mine before he sat down himself.

"Ow!" Jackson yelled as he touched me.

"What?" I asked, a little scared.

"You're burning hot! Don't you feel it?" He looked really scared.

I shook my head no. I was afraid that this was some side effect of the radiation my dad blasted into us, but it wasn't affecting me at all, just Jackson.

Chris walked over and put his hand on my forehead, to check for himself. He pulled away almost as fast as Jackson had.

"Didn't I tell you she was burning up?" Jackson asked.

Chris looked extremely confused. "No," he replied. I felt so relieved for a moment that Jackson had just imagined it until Chris continued. "She felt freezing cold to me. I pulled away from fear of getting frostbite."

I looked between the two of them, trying to see if they were joking in any sort of way. I was disappointed. I looked down at my hands, thinking maybe there was something wrong with me.

My thoughts were interrupted when Jackson started floating out of his chair.

"Whoa, what's happening to me?" He asked. I stood up and immediately grabbed one of his hands, trying to pull him down, but my hand went right through him.

Instinctively, I ran downstairs to get my dad's help. I explained the situation to him and he came running, but only after he had touched me on the shoulder and felt what he explained as 'piercing' cold.

When we arrived back in the kitchen, Jackson was sitting in his chair, staring off into space dazedly.

"How did you get back down?" I asked him. I had been about to put my hand on his shoulder comfortingly, but jerked my hand away just in time.

He didn't move, or blink, or anything, but answered softly, "I don't know."

"I think I did it." Kyle blurted out. We all looked at him curiously. "I saw him dangling up there and I kind of said in my mind that I wanted him to come down, and he did, but it looked like he was struggling."

"Interesting. You all seem to have gained some kind of power. Lexi is changing her body to extreme temperatures, Jackson is flying and becoming intangible, and Kyle seems to have a sort of telepathy," my dad said, looking around at all of us.

"Jackson was also kind of going invisible," Chris said, "there were some moments when he was sort of fading."

"Hmm. Interesting," my dad said, rubbing his hand on his chin. "Chris, have you been experiencing any sort of phenomenon?"

He shook his head no, looking a little disappointed.

"Well that could be expected. You are the youngest, and it may take longer for your power to sink in. We'll see." My dad then turned around and went back into the basement.

Jackson and I looked at each other wordlessly and followed my dad back downstairs, leaving our two siblings in the kitchen nervously chatting about the crazy day.

As soon as I stepped foot at the bottom of the stairs, my dad jumped out and grabbed me by the shoulders. He seemed to be wearing some sort of heat-resistant gloves, so he wasn't affected by my temperature, hot or cold. I gasped in surprise, and felt Jackson tense up behind me.

"I need you two to take care of the young ones, understand? Make sure they don't get into too much trouble."

"What?" I asked, still in shock from him jumping out of nowhere.

"The government is going to come in a matter of days to take all my research. I can feel it in my bones. I need you four to get out of here as soon as possible. You'll need to travel light. I'd say one school backpack for each of you, that way you could look like you're actually going to school, not fugitives of the law." He was ranting on and on, and I had a hard time following.

"What? We're leaving? Where are we going to go? And why is it so bad if the government finds us?" I asked, barely even thinking about what any of this meant.

"If the government finds any of you four, they'll try to dissect you and recreate my formula. I'm in the process of destroying all that's left of my work now. You'll be all the evidence that's left."

"Why did you make us like this?" I was almost crying in fear now.

"You are the trophies of my work. I know you will use this for good, but I fear that the government would use it for warfare. They could wipe out an entire city's worth of people with just one dose of the formula. I had to use the formula on someone before they came for me. It couldn't be me because they would expect me to use it on myself. They'd never expect me to risk my own kids' lives."

"What about school?" I asked. I'd always gotten amazing grades, and I didn't really wan to spoil that.

"I know this is the last thing you want to hear, but you're not going to be able to go to school anymore. I've already called in and said I would be homeschooling you all from now on. This'll be hardest for Chris, considering he's only a freshman in high school. He's gotten barely any education compared to what you need for most jobs, but I have to keep you guys safe, no matter what it takes."

"Okay, so back to my other question, where do we go?"

"I set up a bank account in your name, Lexi, knowing this day would come. It's got enough money for the four of you to live leisurely for a few years. Not entirely at the top of the line, but enough for a room or two a night at a somewhat cheap hotel. I don't care where you go, as long as you don't expose my secrets with the Feds. I'm sure by the time you're all settling in, you'll find some use for your powers that doesn't involve massacring millions of people. I'm sorry I didn't have time to plan this out in more detail for you. I never thought they would find me so soon. Oh, one last thing, I don't think you should stay in the same place for too long. People might start getting curious about four kids living together in a hotel. I'm sorry to dump all this on you at once, but I know you can handle it."

I felt tears starting to form in my eyes. "We can't just leave you. They'll kill you!"

In answer, he turned around and said, "you should start packing. You've got a busy day of traveling tomorrow."

Then the tears started really coming out. Jackson put his arm around me and led me back up the stairs. I curled up in the couch while he told Chris and Kyle the news.

So I actually have a lot more of this story written, and I may post the rest of it. Especially if anyone’s interested in reading more.

Sorry if this was no good, it’s a work in progress...