Comics
Jason: let's go for a drink!
Tim: Jason, I'm sixteen
Jason: I can find a place!
Gotham Knights
Tim: I wouldn't know about the Iceberg Lounge, Batman never took me
Jason: if you wanted a fake ID Tim, all you had to do was ask
Tim is going to turn 21 and Jason is going to climb through his window like "time for you to get black-out drunk Timmy, I have bets on if you decide 'fuck it' and take over the League"
Tim: ...of Shadows or the Justice one?
Jason, carrying four bottles of vodka: at this point I'm not picky
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Tim's Ao3 AU
just got the image of tim writing red hood x oc fanfic but the oc is basically tim/red robin and each time the A/N is like
"sorry no beta im mid-shoot out with some gang leaders atm"
and the content ranges from super fluffy to the most degenerative porn wanting to lick his skull and the authors notes are like
"heey sorry for the slow update i got shot again and im forced on bed rest but now i have an excuse to work on the next chapters!!"
now i want a fic where its like
it gets more and more outrageous, and the comments are just people debating whether its real or not and then there's 1 comment.
that comment is like.
"Pick Up Your Phone, Now. -D"
and tims like
"::) im in trouble::)"
theres one person dissing out the red hood and how he's so terrible and will never actually deserve someone loving him and tim replies with
"Loompa Roompa might malfunction for a while"
and the person is like *how the fuck do you know the name of my roombah what the hell is this why it's been turning on and off at night what the fuck*"
tims username is pretty bird or somth bcs thats what jason called him at least once before and hes like yes i can be pretty and a bird i can be whatever you want me to be
(totes not because thats what jason always calls tim in my head no no)
dick just really, really wants answers but also is deeply, deeply concerned
"tim you had a 20k fic of red hood lovingly taking care of you and hugging you like you'd never been hugged before. are you like, okay?"
"you.. you read all of that?"
"that's besides the point. now answer the question"
"i dont know how to feel about this"
"how do you think i feel? i didnt need to know about any of it"
"and yet you do. curiosity killed the cat, dick."
"alright i wont bother you if you promise to talk with dinah or some jl approved therapist about... the hugging touch starved things. if you dont tho ill just send jason your ao3 account babs said he has one so he can see all your shit'
"i think i would feel better if you just stabbed me"
dick makes a lemon bitten face.
"..."
"..."
"you saw that too, huh."
"yep."
"i dont have a kink for being stabbed. i have a jason fetish. just him and whatever he decides to do to me so dont worry i wont be out getting stabbed by randos"
"I'm glad but also i wanna circle back to the jason fetish part i feel like thats something i should worry about"
20k fanfic where tim just rants about jasons soft hoodie
jason, meanwhile, he sees someone w the username idk PrettyBirdRedHoos in his comments and hes concerned someone figured out he was robin but goes to look and this persons bookmarks are all just fics written by a 'PrettyBird" user and all of them are red hood/oc, and some of them is like; piercing kink, some of them are 20k fics where the oc falls asleep wearing their hoodie, one of them is a very specific scenario where the red hood 'playfully attacks' the OC on top of a tall building and they fuck nasty and jay is like
this. is too detailed. to be a coincidence innit.
and the comments are just people debating how real these scenarios are and every single person that disses RH has something hacked or exposed and jays like 'ah. well, timmy certainly has a hobby."
he could tell him that he knows.
he could also choose to be an absolute tease. forget a hoodie there, wear some bootyshorts here, not wear a binder while wearing a tank-top here, spit out a specific phrase tims used in a fic before just to keep him on his toes. it's fun watching him squirm.
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"You," Pariah Dark began, pointing at Clockwork. "Have your claimed." Clockwork nodded, staring at the Ghost King as Pariah pointed to himself. "So, I believe it is only fair I get to have one as well."
"I suppose that is true." Clockwork agreed as a knowing smile appeared on his face. Though he isn't going to say anything, yet. "Do you already have one, or are you still looking?"
Pariah silently reached behind his head, pulling out a small boy-who looked confused more than anything- as he held the child up before the Master of Time. "This is Billy. He is my claimed, I found him on the street." Pariah preened, a smug and self-satisfied smile on his face.
Clockwork could barely stop the snicker that threatened to turn into full out laughter. "This is your choice?" He coughed, clearing his throat. "Of all the choices, he is who you choose to claim?"
"Yes." Pariah answered immediately with full, overwhelming certainty.
"Oh my dear, dear king," The Master of Time purred, leaning against his staff as he stared with half lidded eyes. "Can you not see the boy to have already been claimed? I don't believe such a thing could have escaped your notice or," He tilted his head slightly. "Have you chosen to ignore it and act as if it wasn't there in the first place?"
Pariah's silence was very, very telling. To those that had known him well and could decipher it at the very least and Clockwork, being one of those few, knew well that this specific silence was a guilty admittance more than anything else.
He floated over to Pariah's side, resting his arm on the King's shoulder as he looked him in the eye. "Oh, my liege, you haven't changed one bit it seems. Still so stubborn as you always were, even in our ghostling years." He leaned close to the King's ear, dropping his voice to a whisper. "How lucky for you then, that I just so happen to be so entranced with that trait of yours..." He leaned back as quickly as he leaned in, gaze still locked with the king.
Pariah stared back with a very, very pointed gaze, the tips of his hair already igniting in green embers, and, after a few moments, he opened his mouth to speak-
"Can you guys get a room already?" The boy, Billy, interrupted before the King could speak, giving the ancient ghost pause. "I'm still here you know!"
Pariah blinked down at the boy with a face so bewildered, that Clockwork hadn't seen it in eons. Not many had the gall to interrupt him as the boy had done and oh, oh did it fill the Master of Time with such delight to see it.
Billy stared at the king with a face that spoke volumes of how done he was with the situation at hand and, as Pariah's shifted into one as if he had swallowed something sour.
Clockwork cackled.
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