#currently thinking

[lover-praxis]

quick thoughts on "grand unified theory of female pain" bc i promised myself to read critically and actually write down the thoughts i have about content i consume.

felt really seen by it. i am not a melodramatic person, but i am, and i always have been. my ex-boyfriend disdained me for crying over books we read in ap english lit. i spent a lot of high school crying over everything, every piece of media, often to the point where i'd make myself nauseous. i still do this, occasionally. i hurt, and i feel the hurt, and maybe i even revel in it.

on the flipside, i'm about to hit my 20s, and my therapist keeps having to remind me that i've been through a lot, so i should show myself some grace. i've stopped languishing in my wounds but overshot, to the point where i now refuse to process any trauma in the hopes of just being able to move on.

re: art. i haven't written any poetry since november. i've done some writing, some fanfic, some journaling. i've done a lot of work with choreography--fitting, since words seem to have failed me. fitting, too, that my last poem that i wrote and performed felt like a desperate cry for attention, that same feeling of look at my ribs, can you not see that i am struggling, that i am in so much pain? in the end, i don't think my pain was seen.

also, maybe another flipside, i've been saying i'm in my rom-com era this summer, and i mean it. i'm tired of being the girl you fuck but not the girl you date. i'm tired of "falling in love" with every boy but never really loving them. i like the fall; i struggle with the love, despite how much i want it. there's the wounds, in the way. my blood that i can't love, so how could anybody? that mental, emotional, physical, spiritual block.

so. finding a balance between acknowledging my pain and loving through it? there's a strategy i think i've developed, of feeding my pain to some beast inside of me, a thing i think of as separate but inextricably linked to who i am. last week, the homily went that if we, hasty humans, try to pull out the weeds that the devil has sown in our hearts, we will pull out the good wheat too, so we should wait for god to weed us, in his own time. in the meantime, then, what do i do with the beast?

in the meantime, listening to fiona apple and taylor swift and halsey and women who have been mocked for writing and making music about their wounds. if i can do that without shame, maybe i can start to learn to be unashamed of my own state of woundedness. i think that shame is the worst enemy of all.

[urproblematicfav-arsonk]

im bored does anyone wanna talk about how Glenn and Willy are actually extremely similar. no???? too bad bitch anyway,,,,

They literally have the exact same parenting style. Which is that they do not want to be parents at all lol. Either because its too hard or annoying or because it's limiting their careers and so they abandon their children and essential force them to raise themselves. I fully believe that Nick had more then a few "making pasta" moments like kid Ron did.

They both have dead wives that before their deaths they more then likely pushed most if not all of the parenting onto. Willy clearly hates kids and doesn't want to deal with Ron and Glenn has absolutely no parenting skills whatsoever and is incredibly immature.

Both of their children grew up with extreme fear about their fathers. Ron grew up terrified because of the constant abuse and gaslighting he dealt with and Nick grew up thinking that if he wasn't the most agreeable, fun and complicit version of himself that his dad would just straight up leave him, resulting in him hurting himself repeatedly for attention. Both of them knew that this was how their children felt and did not change.

They are both comfortable with and prone to acts of violence/murder and often find it funny when others are suffering or in pain because of them.

They both gaslight and manipulate to get their way and truly don't care about how it effects others as long as they get what they want.

They are both incredibly selfish and apathetic to others. They both don't really have friends seemingly just because they suck to be around.

They both had absent/addict fathers.

They are both canonically hot(this is nothing but I felt like bringing it up).

They both don't like kids despite having children.

They both were in isolation prisons for extreme amounts of time that kinda drove them insane and fucked up their charisma stats.

They both did deez nutz jokes because they are both fucking stupid idiot losers.

Anyway thats all I can think of rn but there's definitely more here. Friendly reminder that Glenn/Willy is objectively the fucking funniest ship and Freddy if you're reading this make it canon come on I wanna see that weird flirting/chemistry thing you have with Anthony but through the some of the worst characters in the show

[p2harmony]

btw hwang intak exists

[oh-katsuki]

letting urself be silly is such a slippery slope. like one minute ur just goofing around and the next you realize that you’re actually mentally ill but you’ve already ridden the silly train too far to get off. now u gotta go to the end of the line.

[etherealspacejelly]

me when the disability disables me: oh what the fuck? this sucks. what the hell man!

[musecalliope]

[ufolvr]

Robot characters who are given names like SL-308-62 but instead of their human friend going Well let's call you Sally for short, they instead ask the other if they Like their current name.

"Do you like your serial number?" they ask. "Yes, quite. It reminds me of who I am" the robot replies. "I have heard others like me go by different names after some time, and maybe one day I'll choose one for myself, too. But right now that is my full name, yes" they continue.

Because it's not your decision to make whether or not the robot will receive a new name. It should be theirs only. What's the difference? One is more complex and the other is simplified. They were both given by strangers instead of themselves.

"62 will do," they conclude. "It's my model number - there will be no other 62 after me."

[wearenotjustnumbers2]

Reminder that Palestinians in Gaza are being deliberately starved by Israel. Families in gaza are boiling plant leaves and eating them. They're also eating animals and birds food to stay alive. There are reported cases of kids and infants who died out of hunger and/ or cold. Starving people is part of genocide too. Remember how fast medicine was provided for the Israeli hostages, while Palestinians are starving for food and water and getting operations and amputations performed with no medication or anesthesia whatsoever.

[insecuregodcomplex]

curious with USAmericans in mind but feel free to answer regardless: what’s ur go to supermarket chain

[acidgirl]

[jeanivere]

arthur morgan tiddies and tummy thats all im gonna say

[urproblematicfav-arsonk]

My fav part in Stayed Gone is when Al is bullying him, Vox tries to physically block Al's radio

And then the next scene it shows that Vox didn't block shit and just recreated Alastor's radio on his TVs to rp himself doing literally anything to effect the situation meanwhile, in reality, nothing has actually changed.

Which is??? Honestly???? So embarrassing for him. Why do you have Al's radio room saved like a fucking screensaver you absolute gay loser

[daisychains111]

Thalia doesn’t keep many things in the hundreds of years she’s been alive. 

But long ago, there were people, their names all but distant memories, who mattered in her 1st lifetime. It’s their things that stay hidden in her bag, reminding her of her mortal life. 

A blue hoodie, worn almost threadbare. The scent of its original owner, long since leached from the fabric. But if she closes her eyes, she can almost see the blue eyes of her first and only love. 

A pair of glasses. Frames cracked and crooked. A reminder of a brother she never got to truly know. 

A baseball cap. It’s magic long faded, branded with a forgotten logo. Memories of a blonde girl laughing hidden deep within. 

A letter. Ink fading, paper yellow. The last words of a dying friend. Words that wish her well, words that wished her well in a world they had fought side by side to save. 

Thalia doesn’t keep a lot of things, but even after all this time, Luke, Jason, Annabeth, and Percy will stay with her forever. The memories of her first family to remind her why life is so beautiful.

[ducktalk]

[noodles-and-tea]

Returning home

[blondie-drawings]

can't stop thinking about those skeleton lesbians (pt 1)