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astra-ravana · 3 months ago

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The Perfect Tarot Deck

Finding the perfect tarot deck is a deeply personal journey. With thousands of decks available, choosing one that aligns with your energy, intuition, and reading style can make all the difference in your tarot practice. This guide explores different types of tarot decks, where to find them, and how to determine if a deck resonates with your energy.

Understanding the Different Types of Tarot Decks

Before choosing a deck, it’s important to understand the different types available.

Traditional tarot decks

Most tarot decks follow one of these three classic systems:

• Rider-Waite-Smith (RWS) – The most widely used tarot system, featuring detailed imagery that makes intuitive readings easier. Ideal for beginners.

• Thoth Tarot – Created by Aleister Crowley, this deck has esoteric symbolism, astrology, and Kabbalistic influences. Best for those with advanced occult interests.

• Marseille Tarot – A historic tarot deck with simple, pip-style Minor Arcana (like playing cards). Ideal for traditionalists and those interested in historical divination.

Themed and Artistic Decks

Many tarot decks incorporate different themes and artistic styles:

• Fantasy, Mythology, and Folklore – E.g., The Tarot of the Divine, which uses myths from around the world.

• Gothic, Dark, or Occult – E.g., The Deviant Moon Tarot, perfect for shadow work.

• Nature & Animal-Based Decks – E.g., The Wild Unknown Tarot, focused on nature’s wisdom.

• Pop Culture & Modern Decks – E.g., The Modern Witch Tarot, a contemporary take on the RWS deck.

Oracle Decks vs. Tarot Decks

Tarot decks always follow a structured 78-card system. Oracle decks have flexible structures and meanings, great for freeform divination but not interchangeable with tarot. If you’re new, sticking to a tarot deck based on the RWS system is a good idea before branching into alternative styles.

Where to Find Your Perfect Deck

Once you have an idea of what kind of deck you want, you’ll need to find the right place to get it.

Online Marketplaces & Specialty Stores

• Amazon, Etsy, & Bookstores (Barnes & Noble, Waterstones, etc.) – Great for mass-market decks with reviews to help you decide.

• Independent Creators & Publishers – Many artists sell decks directly on Kickstarter, Instagram, or their own websites.

• Metaphysical & Occult Shops – Shopping in-person allows you to physically handle a deck before buying.

Secondhand & Gifted Decks

• Buying Used Decks – Some believe secondhand decks carry previous owners' energies, but cleansing them can refresh their energy.

• Receiving as a Gift – A common superstition says your first deck should be gifted, but this is not a rule. Buy your own if it feels right.

DIY & Printable Decks

• Make Your Own – Some practitioners create their own decks by hand or digitally print custom images.

• Printable Decks – Some artists offer PDF tarot decks for purchase and printing at home.

How to Tell If a Tarot Deck Resonates with Your Energy

Once you have a deck in mind, you’ll want to check if it aligns with your energy and intuition.

First Impressions Matter

• Look at the imagery – Do the colors, symbols, and style speak to you emotionally?

• Hold the deck (if possible) – If shopping in person, feel the deck in your hands. Does it give you a strong reaction?

The Deck Interview Spread

Before fully committing to a deck, try a short reading to understand its personality. Use this 5-card spread:

• What is your personality?

• What kind of readings will we do best together?

• What can you teach me?

• How should I best work with you?

• What is our long-term potential?

If the responses feel clear and meaningful, the deck likely resonates with you.

Physical & Energetic Sensations

Some people feel a tingling or warmth when holding a deck that connects with them.

If a deck makes you feel uneasy or drained, it might not be a good fit.

Try a Simple One-Card Pull

Ask, “What do I need to know about working with you?” and pull a card. If the message is clear and insightful, it’s a good match. If it feels confusing or off-putting, you may need more time with the deck—or it might not be the right one for you.

What to Do If Your Deck Doesn’t Feel Right

Sometimes, a deck doesn’t resonate immediately. Here’s what you can do:

• Cleanse and Reset the Deck

• Smoke cleansing (sage, palo santo, or incense).

• Moonlight charging (place the deck under the full moon).

• Crystal cleansing (place with selenite or clear quartz).

• Knocking the deck (tap it three times to reset energy).

Give It Time

Some decks require time to bond with. Spend a week shuffling and pulling daily cards before deciding.

Trade or Rehome the Deck

If it still doesn’t click, consider trading it with another reader or gifting it to someone who might connect with it better.

Finding the perfect tarot deck is a journey of intuition and self-discovery. The best deck for you is the one that feels right in your hands, speaks to your intuition, and makes readings feel natural. Whether you’re drawn to a traditional Rider-Waite-Smith deck, an artistic indie creation, or a secondhand find, trust your instincts and let your deck choose you as much as you choose it.

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loufr6 · 7 days ago

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i’m opening up a few affordable services because i’m hoping to expand my spiritual practices and make a little money from what i love. all payments are through paypal only ♡ feel free to dm me if you have a specific request that isn’t listed below.

here’s what i currently offer:

— mini tarot reading: 4€

a short and focused tarot reading answering one question, or giving insight on one area of your life. clear, intuitive, and personal.

— full tarot reading: 8€

a deeper, more detailed and structured reading. useful for multiple questions or a broader perspective on your current situation.

— human design analysis: 5€

i’ll help you understand the core elements of your human design chart (type, profile, key channels, defined/undefined centers) in a simple and practical way.

— natal chart analysis: 5€

a personal interpretation of your birth chart based on the planets, signs and houses. you’ll receive a breakdown of key placements and how they influence you.

— custom subliminal (7-30€) depending on length and detail)

i create personalized subliminals based on your intention, needs and style. for examples, see my subliminal youtube channel: Louu.w

— moon oracle reading: 4€

a message from the moon oracle deck to guide you in your current emotional or spiritual path.

— crystal oracle reading: 3€

find out which crystal can support you in healing or solving a current challenge.

*.゜｡:+.゜｡*

send me a message if you’re interested or have questions ♡ i’m happy to chat before you order.

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edensvessel · 5 months ago

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My ko-fi shop is open! Please do consider buying something or just supporting me, as I am in an extremely tight spot financially right now.

What I offer:

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀6-card tarot spread

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀deity communication packages ( mini, regular )

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀custom prayer writing

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀energy scans to check out if your wards and protections are holding up

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀custom readings

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀love readings for those 18 and over ( I have my own spread, but you may also purchase a custom reading if you have your own spread in mind! )

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀advice spread for when you are stuck

More information about my readings under the cut.

What I do not do:

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀love readings for those under 18

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀career readings

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀nsfw readings

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀deity ID ( I'm still a bit rusty! )

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀necromancy readings ( ancestors, etc )

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀readings over voice chats/video calls

What I can do:

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀love readings for those 18 and over

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀past life spreads

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀relationship readings ( friendships, etc )

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀advice readings

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀comfort readings

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀callout readings

Tools:

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀tarot ( I have quite a few decks but I primarily use the Light Visions deck and the Solar Kingdom deck )

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀oracle ( 3 decks )

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀cartomancy

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀pendulum

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀shufflemancy

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀bibliomancy

Entities I am willing to do:

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀hellenic pantheon

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀kemetic pantheon

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀from the norse pantheon I am only willing to do Loki

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀infernal divine

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀from angels I am only willing to do Michael, Gabriel, Zadkiel, Raphael, Uriel, Cassiel, and Asariel

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀hindu pantheon

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀pre-islamic arab pantheon

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀djinn

I post all my reviews on my ko-fi if you'd like to see them before purchasing! All of my readings have "pay what you want" enabled. You may pay upfront or after receiving the reading, it is your choice. Though, for some of the readings, I need you to reach out before purchasing just so we can communicate some things and figure out a price!

Entities I am not willing to do:

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀fae

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀draconic entities

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀islamic angels

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀closed pantheons not listed above

⠀ ⠀⠀୨୧⠀ ⠀⠀spirits including ancestors

If you cannot buy a reading, please do consider donating at the very least or spreading by word of mouth. Thank you!

Xaire ♡

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windvexer · 2 years ago

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Cartomancy After 101: Developing your own sets of card meanings that you swap out depending on your needs [concepts & tips]

My hypothesis for this post is that most forms of cartomancy heavily rely on the context of the question or situation being read on.

As context shifts, so do the specific interpretations that readers pluck out of a pool of general meaning.

By leaning into the idea of context and building extremely contextual meaning sets, readers can elevate their skills and more reliably produce very specific readings within contexts they have studied and prepared for.

This is going to be a long one, so I'm making sections for readability.

1. Cartomancy Relies On Context

Most "little white books" that come with tarot and oracle decks, and cartomancy websites and published resources, divide card meanings into the general and contextual.

E.g., a tarot card's general meaning usually includes key words such as heartbreak, betrayal, and backstabbing. Then, contextual meanings might be provided:

Interpersonal relationships: Is a relationship about to end?

Business: Make sure any new business deals won't screw you over.

Spiritual: How can you use your spirituality to help with heartbreak?

While these contextual meanings stem from the base source of the card, they aren't interchangeable. Imagine if a querent asks you about their small business, and you reply, "well, have you tried using your spirituality to deal with interpersonal heartbreak?"

Therefore, a major role of the reader is defining the appropriate context of a question.

In order to practice their skills, many diviners offer to do "blind" readings for others. This means that the reader doesn't want any background information about the question at all - but even so, a reader may still ask for the context of a question.

E.g., a reader may say, "don't even tell me your actual question, but just tell me what kind of question it is - if it's about employment, a relationship, etc. Otherwise I won't know how to frame the answer."

[I don't mean to say that all readers always require context in this manner. Many readers do not, especially very practiced ones. But I don't think that means that context is irrelevant, even to very experienced readers who can obtain context on their own.]

2. Developing Meanings for a Specific Context Results in More Specific Readings

The Complete Lenormand Oracle Handbook by Caitlín Matthews begins by introducing the typical meanings of Lenormand cards. Later, she provides a custom set of meanings she personally developed related to her years spent in live theater.

Because of her time spent performing readings for theater workers, and about theater, she had developed a complex and unique system of meaning for Lenormand which, for the purposes of reading about live theater, was immensely more accurate and specific than the general Lenormand system.

While the general meanings of Lenormand informed her custom system, the custom system was not interchangeable with general meanings and was only applicable to a specific context and its related themes.

I discovered the same phenomenon by accident years ago, when I was frustrated with how general and nonspecific my readings had become.

I wanted to be able to use tarot to read accurately for everyday situations. So, over the course of several months, I worked with my primary divinatory ally to develop my own set of notes for the tarot, specifically for reading everyday, mundane situations.

The meanings given for the cards don't work very well at all for mystical, spiritual, or meditative self-exploratory readings. The meanings are things like, "you're the only one putting energy into this relationship," or, "don't go to the party if you didn't receive an invitation."

I use this set of meanings when I want very plain and straightforward readings on everyday situations, which it's very good at. I got what I wanted: accurate and specific readings on day-to-day questions with the tarot.

The meaning set fails at every other kind of question.

Recently, in my ongoing experiments with a custom oracle mashup of playing cards and tarot, I decided I wanted a meaning set that was useful for troubleshooting creative writing projects.

This deck has general meanings like, air/movement/exchange, water/observation/stagnant, and earth/categories/planning.

I developed contextual meanings like, "the dialogue in this scene is doing what it needs to do," "the character's motivations aren't clearly explained," and "the external goals of the character don't match what's already been explained about them."

By focusing on a specific context, readers can get very good at reading certain types of questions.

3. Exploring Specific Contexts Improves Overall Reading Ability in Any Context

By taking the general meanings of a card and developing them in new, unique ways that are still true to that card's roots, you create a huge learning opportunity to connect more deeply with that card.

Not only can you explore the unique evolutions of each card as it intersects with your interests and life, but your understanding of the deck as a whole can evolve.

When I was working with my original set of "everyday" meanings for the tarot, I discovered that many times I developed card meanings that really overlapped each other, making some cards redundant. When I decided to sort this out, my understanding of - and relationship to - tarot rapidly changed. I'm at a new level of understanding that I hadn't been able to achieve just by using general meanings for the 15 or so years of reading I had been doing before that.

The elements are currently a major part in my practice of witchcraft. As silly or abstract as it may seem, exploring how an oracle card that generally means water/observation/stagnant could apply to a specific type of fiction writing deepened my relationship not only with that experimental deck, but also to my craft as a whole.

As I've explored custom meaning sets in general, my ability to rapidly link abstract symbols has improved. Even if a specific meaning set doesn't apply, just having explored that makes my readings stronger.

For example, if I draw a card and I don't know how to apply it to a certain situation, having different sets of meaning floating around in my head is a little like having three or four helpful aunties shouting suggestions. None of them may be completely accurate, but it's a far better starting place than having no aunties at all.

By investing in very specific sets of meaning that only apply to certain contexts, readers can gain insight and skills that assist them in all types of readings throughout all contexts.

4. Sundry Suggestions for Those Convinced

Here are a handful of tips and tricks I've collected throughout the years. Take or leave them as you desire.

Choose very specific contexts. The more specific, the better!

Well, I'm sure this one is more down to personal preference, but don't be afraid to choose extremely specific contexts.

In my examples above about the creative fiction meaning set, the context wasn't "literary analysis" or "creative writing." The context was, "troubleshooting commercial fiction manuscripts and outlines to be more in line with modern commercial standards."

That isn't great at brainstorming, coming up with story ideas, dealing with literary fiction, grappling with major artistic themes, etc. It does one thing great: helping you workshop a commercial manuscript that you'd like to send to a publisher.

Put thought into what deck(s) you're using.

Even when using general meanings, many readers identify that certain decks are just better at certain kinds of readings. If you have multiple decks, try swapping them out as you experiment and see which ones work best.

Develop not only individual cards, but the deck as a whole.

Depending on your preferences, you may find value in not only developing individual cards, but also groupings of cards.

By taking entire sections of cards (say, all of the wands cards) and linking them to an important concept within your context (say, the behaviors of all the dogs you train), you can make large leaps of progress.

The same could be done for all the kings cards (your mentors in the dog training world), all the #3 cards (they're all going to relate to, say, small change or progress), and you can end up quickly mashing up new meaning sets:

Today's dog training business reading suggests that a Youtuber who's information you rely on is going to release a video about the importance of small behavioral changes.

Assigning broad meanings to different sections of cards is a good way to start exploring specific contexts.

Let card meanings evolve as you explore.

As you take notes, there's no need to settle one one meaning for the card as it is and then avoid changing it.

If your original idea for a card is "stubborn dogs who are not motivated by treats," and you perform multiple readings on it where the card only really makes sense if it means, "this dog will show up super tired and just want to nap," then it's fine to modify notes as you go.

I find that over time, modifications actually end up being multiple possible interpretations, once again deepening my understanding of the card as a whole (this card refers to difficulty inspiring action and engagement).

Often, card meanings come to me very vaguely and are practically stand-ins until I can figure something out for them.

Be mindful of spreads.

I can apply some meaning sets to literally any spread and it'll come out just fine.

Other meaning sets I have don't play great with tons of spreads, and may only work well with small spreads, using signifiers, and so forth.

There's no need to avoid highly contradictory meanings.

If you've got two ideas for a card (the dog is well-adjusted and friendly, or, he's very reactive and dangerous) and you aren't sure which fits, keep both meanings and use a combination of readings and real-world verification to experiment.

Your unique context sets don't need to be congruent with each other.

While I believe it's a good idea to seek fidelity to the original/general meanings of a card, this doesn't imply that the unique contexts you develop have to coincide with each other.

Maybe you have a meaning set specifically for energy work, and a separate one for religious spirit work.

In your energy working set, the wands cards could always relate to fire energy and only ever refer to a spirit if drawn in conjunction with a court card.

But, in your religious spirit work set, the 4/wands might always refer to the spirit of a home, regardless of elemental alignment.

The meanings you develop for one context don't need to adhere to the rules you create for other contexts.

Playing card decks can really simplify the process.

Tarot cards, with their intrusive little pictures, can often impose their own meanings on a context whether you like it or not. Even if horrendous betrayal makes zero sense for your context, sometimes it's impossible to get those ideas of the 3/Swords out of our heads.

If you're finding tarot to be too confining, try experimenting with playing card decks. They're smaller, draw less attention, and most importantly, do away with the art that can anchor our minds to the wrong concepts.

(Split the difference by working with a tarot deck that just uses suit symbols for the pips, but has full art for the major arcana.)

5. Hey! Thanks for reading.

I hope you're having a good day ^-^

#divination #tarot #cartomancy #witchcraft #witchblr #beyond 101 #psychism #readings

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aesethewitch · 1 year ago

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What's this?? An early-access look at my custom oracle deck??? Why, yes! All supporters (one-time tippers or commissioners within the last 30 days and monthly supporters) get to see this post a full week early! Take a peek into my process and get a behind-the-scenes look at the meanings of the cards I've made so far!

The deck is still a work in progress, but I've been using it for readings, and I'm very proud of it!!

#aese speaks #divination #oracle #oracle cards #custom oracle deck #oracle deck #homemade oracle deck #tarotblr #divination community #witchblr #witchcraft #witch community #hello tag readers. this post will be live for everyone eventually #special and exclusive for my lovely supporters first #(:

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cartomanc3r · 1 year ago

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free custom tarot/oracle readings!

i am looking to practice my tarot and oracle reading/ build my intuition so i will be doing free readings!

message me one question and specify if you would like an oracle or tarot reading. i will send a picture of the decks i have and pick what resonates

i work a lot so i will try my best to get them out asap but please be patient with me 🤍

#tarot reading #tarot cards #oracle #oracle reading #tarotblr #tarotcommunity #free tarot #daily tarot #tarot deck

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fkartcreations · 3 months ago

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🔮 FkartCreations – Custom Tarot, Oracle & Lenormand Decks 🎨

#youtube #tarot #custom tarot #tarotreaders #tarot reader #tarot readers of tumblr #tarot community #tarot commissions #lenormand #lenormand cards #oracle cards #oracle deck #oracle #tarot spreads #tarot collection #tarot collab #custom cards #art commisions

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hwsforeignrelations · 9 months ago

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A Fogged Up Plan

Summary: For three weeks, the Kingdom of Spades’ royals have been held captive in Diamond’s Fort Shellac. After one weevily meal too many, they hatch a plan to escape.

Made for @usuknetwork's USUKUSTwicePer zine: Cards, With Spades to Start. Read the full collection here (hehe I also designed the cover, please show everyone some love!!)

AO3 Link // Words: 3,812

Five moons before Queen Arthur Kirkland’s coronation, the isolated swamps of Southern Spades were inhabited by an insect known as PB Cup.

Previously known but unstudied, a small population found itself in the hold of a cargo ship en route towards the Kingdom of Diamonds.

Once docked, it is rumored that a seawoman unloading barrels and crates of imports carried the insects to her town on the outskirts of the port, where the red buzzers settled onto a Camellia sinensis farm. There, the small population decimated the crops. When customers purchased the expensive processed leaves in tea, it tasted of woody, bitter peanuts.

Diamond’s PB Cup population quickly spiraled into millions and one of the kingdom’s primary exports, tea, crashed.

With it, Diamond’s economic influence sank to match the impoverished Kingdom of Clubs.

Through no fault of his own, Queen Arthur inherited one of the world’s worst foreign affair conflicts in history as the Diamond government demanded compensation for their introduction of the bug to their crops, and Spades denied any responsibility for the lack of preparedness on the part of Diamond’s farming protection or economic infrastructure.

Thus a war broke out between the two kingdoms. Luckily, the Queen of Diamonds, Francis Bonnefoy, and Queen Arthur Kirkland had fluttered in similar social circles on opposing navy forces, during earlier military careers, before Oracle selected them for positions of royalty.

Due to their previously-held relationship, the conflicting countries maintained (albeit strained) contact.

However, twenty years later, the strung out conflict saw no resolution in sight. Neither party would budge. In the last two decades, Diamonds had mostly recovered, converting and subsidizing previously small industries to make up greater lumps of their exports.

Diamond GDP had mostly recovered, and the occasional skirmishes along the Spades-Diamond borders had lost their impact to both sides' citizens.

Mentions often paralleled this tone:

“Hey mom, Junior’s little league game’s canceled. Queen Arthur just announced Diamond shots fired near the field.”

“Gee, I’m in absolute shock. Let’s order a Continental basket for the other team. I know those sweet kids were looking forward to a Spadian roast but it can’t be helped.”

“Yes, ma.”

“Our government should really step off their high horse- it’s practically a soap opera! ‘You sent our kingdom into a depression!’, ‘No, your lack of planning sunk your economy!’ Honestly. Time for Gen. Jones to call it cuts… bring the phone while you're up, let’s reserve that basket before we forget.”

“Yes, ma.”

And so you see, neither kingdom withheld reservations to mock the ongoing conflict. So far in, it was nothing more than a contest of resolve between two too-proud kingdoms.

Bi-annual tea shortages, sport game cancellations, flight and ship delays, internal division among governments… but neither party appeared to be dismounting their positions, and as the conflict neared its twentieth anniversary Spades-Diamond tension surged.

Unbeknownst to regular citizens, the jack, queen, and king of Spades had disappeared from the castle three weeks prior.

♠️ - ♠️ - ♠️ - ♠️ - ♠️ - ♠️ - ♠️ - ♠️ - ♠️ - ♠️ - ♠️

Drop-drop-drop sounded a mysteriously originating source of water, droplets plopping onto a moist stone ground.

The Jack of Spades, dressed in creased gold, purple, and blue fabrics cast his eyes towards his hands where he organized a cheap deck of playing cards.

The action demonstrated disinterest to anyone unattuned to Yao’s discreet mannerisms, but the way his fingers twitched to swipe brown hair behind his ear was telling.

“...I beg your pardon?”

Drop-drop-drop.

Army General Alfred Jones raised thin eyebrows above round glasses in a look that read “everyone in this dungeon heard me loud and clear”, but continued in a patronizingly careful tone.

“You need a command like brown bananas to banana bread, or day-old rice to fried rice. Something that suits your past-prime station, y’know?”

Drop.

Arthur Kirkland’s forehead actually twitched but his expression remained unaffected. “Well done, dear. I’ll be the first to admit, never in a million years would I imagine you capable of something so complicated as a simile”.

“Har har, Your Majesty,” Alfred reached across the cramped cell to knock his knuckles against the wrought iron bars.

Drop-drip.

“When I met you, 200-odd years ago, those magic bones would have no problemo melting, or-or slicing through these bars like butter.”

“-OH be silent for once, blathering-”

“And now look at you!” Alfred flung his hand in the general direction of his husband, himself melted on the floor, head balanced on a rock. “A washed-up seadog, no good for nothing but a semi-ok fuck. What the hell happened to you, man? You used to bring dragons to their knees. Now some Diamond-fired metal’s too much? Y’all know their quality’s shit,” he yawned.

“Retirement might be on the horizon, sweetheart. But no offense.”

Drop-drip-drop. Drip.

Yao didn’t even blink when hands lept for King Alfred’s throat.

“Gah-!” Vague choking escaped Alfred’s mouth while his oily hair tossed wildly and his cheeks went red from the loss of air.

Drop-drop-drip.

“Worthless excuse for a leader, I’d sew your thin lips shut before these stinking walls hear another lie from them. Seadog I am- and proud, too!” Arthur gave one last throttle before throwing Alfred aside in disgust.

It could have been his breath, too. They hadn’t exactly been given a toothbrush. Three weeks into captivity and their last frigid bucket shower was over four days ago.

At least they had a toilet, even if it was awfully cold when you sat. Stars above, Alfred wanted out.

Patience, Alfred reminded himself. That voice in his head sounded suspiciously like a certain magical queen, and the king ignored his own internal voice which insisted self-restraint would never be his specialty.

Drop-drop-drop.

The queen had retreated to the opposite wall to collect his composure, Alfred’s own ragged breathing filling the chamber and he coughed, once, before resuming his idle splay on the floor.

Arthur ascertained the damage choking his spouse had cost his nails.

“As for the jab at my sexual performance, love, I think everyone in this room can deny that claim with absolute confidence. Isn’t that right, Edison?”

Drop-drop-drop.

“H-huh?” Their guard startled at his post, not expecting to be addressed by name. His feet kicked at the ground, “Um. I-I guess rumors do get around.” Arthur turned smugly towards the army general and received a playful scoff for his troubles.

The jack spoke up, unimpressed by the exchange, “Do be mindful of others nearby who may not be so invested in his co-workers’ thrilling sexual escapades, please and thank yo-”

“Chow time!” Interrupted another guard, sliding three portions of beige sludge through a small slit in the bars, accompanied by biscuit.

All three groaned.

“C’mon! I get the prisoner thing, but is this,” the queen knocked his biscuit against the bars and three weevils fell out, “really necessary?” said Alfred.

The guards shrugged with indifference and Yao dipped the corner of his flour ball in their water, softening it enough to break off a piece and chew. He paused, fiddled the bite with his tongue, then pulled a long, curled hair out from his teeth.

Both guards had left for a smoke break.

With stony resolve, Yao declared, “We’re getting out of here tonight.”

“Fiunwwy!” said the king through his porridge.

“Ditto,” Arthur scowled. “And, these meals aren’t so bad. Navy ships serve far worse.”

“Ugg. That doesn’t make you look good, Admiral.” Alfred took a small handful of his food and fed it to a cluster of shadows in the corner of their chamber.

Gotta keep his slimy friend nourished, Alfred smiled as the shadows accepted the grub.

Meal finished, Arthur tossed his tray through the bars and sat against the wall, joining Yao where the jack dealt out three piles of playing cards. His technique was quick and clean, and Arthur would never admit to admiring the show.

Not even magic could put on that performance.

Envy forced him to deign his husband with a response. “Do us all a favor and shut your trap.”

Alfred clutched at imaginary pearls and Arthur smirked. “And finish your plate. Besides, army rations hardly pass as food, General Jones.”

Cramming the rest into his mouth with hardly a gag, Alfred discarded the plate and crawled towards the pair. He added an ass wiggle while Yao’s attention was elsewhere. The queen’s ears glowed red and he sneered at Alfred, disapproving of his husband dangling treats with no ability to give in the confined space.

Alfred laughed to himself. The queen was afflicted with an unfortunately high libido. Something which Alfred eagerly satisfied, even if his own needs paled in comparison. However…

Restricted to the meager dimensions of their cell with the observant jack… well, all jokes aside, the king looked with a mixture of trepidation and delight at the demolishment of his ass the moment they found a private space.

They were lucky enough to acquire the deck of cards and spent their time playing every game under the sun- and some new. With Arthur’s unmet sexual needs and most forms of exercise impossible, stir-crazy was an insufficient descriptor for the kinetic energy burning through them.

Cards helped starve off frustration, and offered an iota of normalcy.

Their favorite guard, Edison, returned from his break and all three royals exchanged glances. Alfred straightened up and humm-ed, “Did I ever tell y’all ‘bout that time Major Maisie single-handedly rallied the marines through Norbrandy?”

Yao and Arthur, having heard Alfred’s stories a million times, shook their heads. Alfred laid down a Four of Clubs and dove into his narrative, smiling behind his cards as Edison’s head tilted to hear their conversation better.

“Soulda heard from the boys direct-like. Said she flew in like a cannon. Fort Potomac was occupied by Hearts. Maisie rode in under the shield of fog, took one look at the opaque path ‘round the hill, and led her advance in the dead of night. Bombarded out of nowhere, King Kiku’s soldiers resisted heroically. But,”

“Potomac was conquered by dawn, with only five Spadian casualties.”

Arthur inspected his nails, ignoring the swell of power growing in his breast. “Impressive, I’m sure. What were the odds?”

As an ex-citizen of Spades (likely hired by Diamond forces for better wages than Spades’ less impressive salary), Edison’s vague admiration for his home-kingdom’s success fed the royals’ power. Having been away from the appraisal of most Spadian citizens for a month now, the ignorant guard was their only supplyant.

“Four Hearts soldiers to every one of ours.”

Alfred shivered in excitement when that number reached Edison’s ears and their unknowingly-benevolent guard emitted a burst of patriotism.

“Capital.” The queen spun a card onto the pile.

Yao delivered Arthur a sharp look. Sarcasm was fine, but not when a deaf person could hear it.

“500 points”, Yao announced in a tone which attempted neutrality but failed, tossing the last trick towards himself.

Arthur and Alfred groaned in unison, scratching one more check to the scoreboard on the stone wall. The box under “姚” had comically more checks than the “Al” and “K” beside it.

Alfred thought dreamily of their own castle’s gameroom, which displayed a point board of less comparatively devastating results.

The king’s husband stared hard at their score board, then exchanged with Alfred a look he recognized as offense. Eyebrows drawn to etch little wrinkles above his nose and the tiniest sneer curling the right side of his mouth.

The admiral’s tisk made Alfred break out into pearls of laughter and Yao allowed his own expression to revel in the satisfaction of besting his co-workers.

It was these shared moments which reminded Alfred of Oracle’s excellent match-making.

Drip.

Behind them, soldiers shuffled their shoes into the floor and small movements clinked metal armor.

Probably jealous they weren’t in on the joke, heh.

Yao caught his eye, subtly jutted his chin towards their window. A few miles off an oncoming fog made itself known. Alfred nodded, canines flashing in his grin.

It was go time.

♠️ - ♠️ - ♠️ - ♠️ - ♠️ - ♠️ - ♠️ - ♠️ - ♠️ - ♠️ - ♠️

That night, all men finished their trays of food, persevering through the mealy texture.

Finally, after three weeks of drawing on Edison’s flaky Spadian patriotism, Yao, Arthur, and Alfred felt strong enough to fuel their escape.

But that had been true for three nights now. There was something else they needed to ensure a successful breakout from Fort Shellac. They knew it was only a matter of time, in Diamond’s chilly forest climate, for moisture to collect in the air. All they had to do was intensify the natural way of things.

In the ancient and clammy foundation of their prison, fog poured in through the bars and it only took slight encouragement from Arthur for a Féth fíada to emerge.

“Maisie’s a mage as well as a scientist, no?” asked Yao as the mist grew thicker.

Alfred nodded proudly, cupping something close to his chest so he wouldn’t lose it in his blindness. “Made her own fog machine and bribed some fairies to superpower it- resourceful as always.”

Their security was starting to notice the clouds curling at their metal feet and muttered in distress while their prisoners whispered and waited.

Moonlight cast its reflection on the fog, and as the minutes passed the damp room filled with blue hues.

Drop.

“H-hey!” Edison finally addressed them, kicking spastically at the vapor as though it could be intimidated by violence. He pointed an accusatory finger at Arthur, who played a game of Patience against the tilted wall, “You’ve something to do with this, necromancer?”

Drop-drop-drop.

The Queen of Spades didn’t respond, pulling an ace from the stockpile and whipping it at his captor.

It bounced off Edison’s helmet.

“What on Earth?” The guards watched in horror as the fog swallowed up their legs and began on their chests. “Find the director,” one snapped. Edison didn’t waste a moment, keys clanging in his grip as he scrambled to the exit.

His hurried footsteps echoed through the stairway while silence enveloped the prison. Yao could smell anxiety pouring from the invisible guards, the gentle clinking of their metal armor interrupting an otherwise soundless environment.

Suddenly the cast iron bars screamed, brute force bending and tearing through the metalwork. “Merde!” cursed a Diamond accent.

“That’s a lad,” complemented Arthur, patting his husband’s back while the King of Spades huffed another breath before finishing the job, ripping the door out of its hole with one last ear-splitting jerk.

With inhuman speed Alfred was gone in the fog. Before the unfortunate Diamond soldiers realized, their prisoner smashed them apart so they couldn’t see the other.

“Heh- happy to help.” Alfred smothered the unnamed guard’s mouth, delivering a fist into the armored abdomen. The force was enough to penetrate the protective metal and padded fabric and the body slumped instantly, held up by Alfred’s hand gripping his face.

Yao stepped over the raw metal of their prison door and into the face of Alfred’s catch. The Jack of Spades reached into the guard’s fauld and produced a string, on which he pulled and produced a small sheet of inscribed metal. In complete blindness Yao skimmed his finger beds along the sheet, memorizing the meaning of the indents, before stepping back and handling it the the Queen, who confirmed his interpretation with a hum.

“Thank Oracle for y’all’s Diamindortic, couldn’t read it even if I could see an inch from my face,” Alfred said, dropping the unconscious body and listening with satisfaction as it crashed into the floor.

Dusting off his hands, the cluster of shadows from their cell made itself known against Alfred’s prosthetic leg, oozing up the complicated gears and bolts. It chirped.

“Butters would like some gravity, Arthur,” Alfred said, taking “Butters” from his thigh and flailing in the air before locating the queen’s outstretched hand.

Butters slid the languid journey onto Arthur’s palm and waited patiently for the kiss which Arthur pressed to its head. “Erg. Revulsion doesn’t scratch the surface of your pet’s chosen skin.”

“Yeah, I know. But the mucus keeps ‘im healthy!

A large silhouette, barely discernible in the air, expanded before the three Spadian royals. It stopped growing at around six feet tall and sneezed when Yao touched its nose, approximately the size of a bocce ball.

“What a fine boy,” the jack complimented Butters’ chosen form, petting what felt like an enormous panda.

Yao felt the round ears under his hands and the strength behind the bones of its face. The doublecoat swallowed his fingers when the jack adoringly brushed them under Alfred’s pet’s ears. Beneath Butters’ muzzle were thick canines, and from the animals’ stomping Yao sensed hoofs rather than paws.

“Excellent form, bao.”

Butters wiggled at the praise.

With reluctance Yao released Butters from his coddling and stepped back, allowing the king’s approach towards his service animal.

Steps hurried down the staircase towards them, the sound bouncing off the walls like a stampede of metal-wearing bison.

“Time to go,” Arthur said, dragging a sword off an unconscious guard and advancing towards the stairwell, blade tip forward-facing. Yao chose a barbed mace from his own casualty and wasted no time in singing it through the air.

Alfred cringed against Butters’ neck after mounting, listening with unwanted familiarity to the shrieks and groans of wounded men and women. He had blown off many faces in his long career, but avoided violence when he could.

Right now they could not, and Alfred didn’t bother looking away when he held out two fingers and punctured a soldier through the neck as he and Butters rounded the last turn.

Ignoring any pain emitting from the base of his amputated leg, Alfred ushered Butters onward, the overgrown puppy smashing a recovering enemy back into the stone as they ascended the stairs behind his queen and jack.

Arthur’s weapon, guided under the experienced swordsmanship of a centuries-old navy admiral, sliced through Diamond flesh like butter. The queen was momentarily distracted by Yao’s comment and jammed the mental length through a ribcage up to the hilt.

The soldier’s scream was cut off as blood pooled up her throat and over her teeth, and when yanking went nowhere Arthur pressed one foot against the woman’s side and pushed, orange blood spurting all over him as the body crashed, limp and lifeless.

“Somehow,” panted Yao mid-run, “I didn’t expect so much blood.”

“We didn’t correctly anticipate enemy numbers,” Arthur nodded. “Either our previous estimations of Fort Shellac were off by hundreds, or Diamonds has since fortified its defense.”

“Fucking Francis,” Arthur grumbled to himself, sweat pouring down from his hairline and mixing with the Diamond blood on his cheek.

In Alfred’s marital opinion, his husband looked actually terrifying- and handsome as heck.

“You better not be,” Alfred laughed. In front of him, Yao groaned in a mix of exasperation and disgust.

“Spare me,” the jack pleaded.

Two pairs of feet and one set of hoofs ran along the fort’s main floor, evading who they could and decommissioning any who they couldn’t with little regard for the permanentness of the blow.

With poor Edison’s admiration for Spades to blame, amassed over weeks of captivity, the three royals utilized their inhumane strength without restraint, bulldozing through room after room, leaving behind a trail of massacred soldiers, heads and limbs and organs soaking the stone floor with orange and yellow blood. Like a line of sheets hung out to dry whipped up by a hurricane, screams tore and ripped themselves out from the throats of the wounded and dying.

“And that’s why we don’t wear white to the wedding,” Alfred joked at a guard’s white armor soaked through with orange “wine”. General Jones maintained a light mood with breathless chatter and the queen and jack responded in kind.

Anyone watching might express disgust at their attitude, might expect more from such experienced political figures.

The seasoned monarchs had no reason for suppressing resentment, for the trust broken and their own time wasted and negligent treatment, and did not benefit by acknowledging the graveness of their actions in the moment.

Kidnapping a suit’s royalty was a serious crime, war or no war. It would spell out a dreadful escalation back home. The Spadian monarchs were no wet-behind-the-ear politicians- they were representatives of an empire, with a responsibility to their kingdom above all else.

King Rajesh and Queen Francis would regret their decision, and the first part of Spades’ retribution began with the public condemnation which would befall Diamond royalty when the media caught wind of Fort Shellac’s heavy casualties.

Finally, Yao caught sight of sunlight streaming in through the squares of the portcullis. "सृष्टि डायमंड्स के साम्राज्य और इसे बनाए रखने वाले सभी लोगों को अच्छे अवसर प्रदान करे।, “ said the jack without much relish, quoting from the metal sheet’s engravings.

Only four women stood guard and they jumped in surprise at the correct spell, frozen with disbelief as the gate lifted.

The moment they advanced, the three royals were gone. Beneath them Butters galloped past, encouraged by Arhur’s remaining strength. They rode mile after mile, thoroughly exhausted by their massive expense of magical energy in so short a time.

The Clock gave them inhumane tolerance, but it would never be enough to keep the strain off their bodies in a fight like that.

Eventually, Butters’ pace petered until he came to a complete stop on a road.

Arthur and Alfred had passed out against the soft fur off Butters’ back, too exhausted to stay awake.

The weight of Yao’s eyelids threatened him with the same fate, but sleep wasn’t an option until they were with Spadian authorities.

Thankfully, Spades and Diamonds shared a long boarder and Yao only had to encourage Butters for another hour before a Spadian soldier’s blue armor could be spotted up the road.

She saw them immediately and grabbed her sidearm as she walked up. “Identify yourselves,” she demanded.

Without the energy to even speak, Yao peeled Alfred’s head from between Butters’ ears and used his sleeve to wipe the grime and caked blood from his face.

She recognized her army general immediately, even beneath the thickly remaining dirt, and dropped her weapon to fall to attention.

“Y-your majesties! My deepest, sincerest apologies, I didn’t recognize-,” She stumbled over her words, clearly struggling to find the next course of action.

“It’s fine,” waved aside the jack, feeling himself losing against consciousness. The woman before him might be a fresh recruit but he could care less. The sparkling spade over her breast was all that mattered.

“Just lead him to the nearest lookout,” Yao pointed to Butters. “Don’t bother waking us up,” Yao said before he slumped like a deck of cards with his king and queen, dead to the world.

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