#cuz real leather is for animals

[sydneyhasdepression33]

She Keeps Me Up (Nickelback)

Summary: You are Rhys's little sister (only by like 7-8 years), and you and Cassian have been flirting with each other for the last few months. You want it to go further but he's your brother's best friend and he probably only sees you as a sister anyway. Little do you know, Cassian can't stop picturing you in not-so-innocent scenarios.

Word Count:  2.5K

Warnings: SMUT, 18+, might be some cringe happening so I apologize, dirty talk, oral (female receiving), light choking, and idk other interesting things. 

A/N: First time posting on here! Idc if you don't like this cuz I do lol. Anyway, enjoy Cassian ;)

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The sweat is pouring down your face and neck, despite the cold, snowy night air around you. You’ve been out here for hours with a sword in your hands, running through the training drills you’ve seen the males do every day. Up, over, down, up, side, in, down, repeat. 

You are so focused on getting the movements right, you don't hear the footsteps approaching. “Well, look who I found,” says a low voice behind you. 

Your heart races as you spin on your heel, holding your weapon level with the stranger's midsection. As you take him in, you recognize the winged male before you. “For the love of the Mother Cassian! You fucking scared me.” You say without lowering your sword. 

Cassian chuckles, looking you up and down. You are wearing leather training gear, with your raven hair tied back in an elaborate braid. Your wings are nowhere in sight, and the moon is reflecting off your sapphire eyes. 

You two stay like this for a few seconds, him standing in front of you as you keep your blade trained on him. You're the first to speak. “What are you doing out here Cas?” you lower the Illyrian sword, sheathing it at your hip, then cross your arms as you glare at him.  

His gaze is piercing, but you’ve seen it so many times that you're unfazed by it. “I was looking for you. Rhys noticed that you weren’t in your room, and sent me out to find you.” He grins. “But I never thought I’d find you with a sword in your hand, going through the moves better than any of the males your age.” he steps towards you, so you take a step back with a small smile on your face. 

“Well, you’ve found me, but I’m not going home till I get this down pat.”  You say as you reach for your sword. Cassian takes another step forwards, so you take another one backward. 

“I don’t think so, y/n. You can finish up tomorrow morning in town where the animals of these forests can’t get you.” He smirks, but you see a glint of something other than his usual arrogance in his eyes. Is that actual concern? 

Deciding you don’t want to play fair, you take a step closer to close the distance between the two of you. You can see his breath coming out in clouds and the damn smirk that’s still on his gorgeous face. You stand on your toes so you’re close to his face and whisper, “I’ll go with you, but only if you can catch me.” without giving him time to register what you said, you take off into the dark woods.

Cauldron boil him alive. Cassian knew you’d be in the forest, you always were, but he never thought that he would find you looking like a warrior goddess in those oh-so-tight leathers, wielding a real Illyrian sword like it was nothing. Mother above, you were beautiful. He almost didn't want to disturb you, but Rhys had been worried, so he’d bring you back to the house. Then you closed the space between the two of you, and he started to come up with other ideas that should not be going through his head. Gods, he wanted you so bad. But you were Rhys’ sister so it could never happen. That Rhysand would know about, anyway. He was about to cross the line when you turned the other way and disappeared. 

“Fuck!” Cassian exclaimed. He scanned the dark woods around him, but you were gone. Looking up at the stars, he started to laugh. You want to play? Then game on. 

You're running through the thick trees. You can hear Cassian laughing in the distance and smile to yourself. You know he's not going to go down without a fight, so you pick up your pace, looking around and keeping your senses on high alert for animals and Illyrians alike. You reach a tall tree just outside of a cave and decide to trick him further. 

You summon your wings as you run toward the cave. You only go in a few steps and then fly out and up a tree. Putting your wings away, you perch on a branch, waiting for Cassian to find your tacks and enter the cave. 

You're not sure why you have to constantly tease him, that's just how your relationship has always been. But the last few months have felt different. They have felt like you're not just throwing words back and forth anymore. The tension you feel when he walks in a room, the way your stomach lurches when he hits you with his signature lopsided grin, or how when he looks at you it seems to light you on fire.

 Oh how you’ve wished to cross the line of friends and be more, but how could he feel the same? He’s your brother's best friend and has known you your whole life. He probably only thinks of you as Rhysands annoying younger sister. He was sent out here to fetch you after all. 

A snapping sound from the ground brings you back to the present. You assume it’s Cassian, having followed your footprints. But the creature you see is not your handsome Illyrian. 

Your heart beats faster when you see the sheer size of the beast. It’s covered in fur, with a tail and a massive body. Its head is about the size of a boulder, and with the light from the moon, you can see long talon-like teeth protruding from its mouth. It's sniffing at your footprints in the snow leading into the cave. It disappears from sight as you slowly make your way down the tree where you were hiding. 

You have to find Cassian. And as if the Mother herself was listening, you catch a glimpse of his wings out of the corner of your eye. You quietly make your way to him. He has his back to you, so you sneak up and put your hand over his mouth so he won't make a sound. 

Cassian freezes. Then in a blur of movement, you're pinned to the snowy forest floor with Cas on top of you. 

Cassian's heart is racing as he pins the person down. He's been on edge since he saw very large animal tracks heading in the same direction as yours. He was almost frantic scouring the trees for you. But as he looks at who he has pinned, he heaves a sigh of relief. You are not being eaten alive. 

Your eyes are dilated as you look up at him, smiling slightly. 

“We have to get out of here,” Cassian whispers. You nod your head as he gets off of you. But you're pulling him back down so he's flush against your chest.

Cassian looks at you with questioning eyes but you answer with a searing kiss.

You’re not entirely sure what came over you. Him pinning you down and looking at you the way he was. You had no words to describe what you felt at that moment. You just kissed him.

His mouth was hot and his lips chapped from the cold air. At first, you thought he was going to pull away and look at you like you were crazy, so you started to pull away yourself. But before you could fully detach your lips, his mouth came down hard on yours. There was heat and passion in the kiss. A hunger you thought he didn’t feel, but with the fierceness, he slid his hands up your shirt and groaned into your mouth which made you realize that you were not the only one who was desperate for the other. 

You broke the kiss reluctantly, looking into his dark eyes. “We should probably go back before that creature I saw gets us.” you manage to say between your pants. Cassian simply nods and you are up in the sky. 

Cassian always prided himself on being able to keep his composure, but flying back to Windhaven with you in his arms, kissing his neck, and winding your fingers through his unbound hair was going to shatter him. He lands hard on the doorstep, letting you stand on your own. He pushes the door open to find the house empty. 

You walk over to the kitchen table, where a note is placed. You turn to face him, reading what is on the paper. “Rhysand had to go back to Valaris, so we have the house to ourselves.” The smile you gave him was pure sin. 

Cassian didn’t have control over his own body when it closed the distance and connected your lips to his. His hands went straight to your waist to pull you closer, as yours wound through his wind-swept hair. The noises that came from your mouth had Cas wrapping your legs around him and moving to the closest bedroom. 

What Cassian would never be able to forget was how much he loved it when you said “What’s wrong with right here on the counter?” His knees almost gave out. He set you on the edge of the counter while sliding his hands up your training shirt to take it off. You were just as eager as you undid the laces of his pants, making him lean into your touch and groan. 

He was big. You’ve been with males before, but never one who compared to Cassian. He was working on your tight pants as you started kissing his neck, leaving marks along his jaw and shoulder. He tasted like night air and sweat, and Mother was it sexy. Keeping your hand in his unbound pants, you moved to get closer, but he held you still.

“You keep doing that love, and this will be over far sooner than I want it to be,” Cassian growled in your ear, making a surge of heat go straight to your core. 

Cassian pulled down your leggings and sucked in a deep breath, and you remembered that you had nothing on underneath them. What can you say, it's more comfortable to train with just the leggings. Next thing you know, you're laying flat on your back and Cassian has his head between your legs, looking you dead in the eye. 

“If you want me to stop, I will.'' The look on his face is one of the most serious you’ve seen. You nod your head.

“I don’t want you to stop Cass.” You reply with a shaky breath. 

He smirks and dives in. 

He licks your slit and feels you shiver and gasp at the action. So he does it again, and again. You taste so good, he’ll never be able to get enough of you, and by the way you’re moaning and gripping his hair, you’re loving this. His hands move up your thighs to your hips and squeeze. At the same time, he bit down on her clit. 

“Cassian!” you cry out. Your voice was music to his ears, encouraging him to go faster. He added a finger to tease your entrance, and without warning plunged in.

His finger hit a spot in you that you didn’t know existed. Arching your back off the counter as he ate you out like a starved male, you threaded your fingers threw his hair and pulled him away from you. He looked up at you with a question in his eyes. Do you want to stop? 

“I want you inside me, now Cass.” That was all you said. 

Cassian hauled you up and took you to your bedroom. The whole way there you were stripping both of your remaining clothes, leaving a trail down the hall and up the stairs. Cassian's lips leave open-mouthed kisses on any bare skin he can reach and your combing your fingers through his hair, loving the feeling of him underneath you. 

Next thing you know, your back hits your massive Illyrian bed, and a massive Illyrian is on top of you, staring down at you with dark hungry eyes. His mouth connects with yours and you wrap your legs around his waist, being careful of his wings. You groan into him at the feeling of his hard cock pressed against your entrance. Cassian takes the opportunity to slip his tongue in your mouth. Not wanting to be outdone, you trace your hand over where his wing connects to his muscular back. He growls and bites down on your bottom lip then goes to bite down on where your shoulder and neck join. 

“Cassian, if you're going to fuck me, fuck me already.” You said and his teeth grazed the top of your breast.

“Needy are we?” He takes his lips off my skin. You’re about to protest, but all that comes out is a loud moan as Cassian lines up with your entrance and thrusts in. 

“Mmmh love you feel so good wrapped around me and moaning under me.” His words are dripping with lust as he starts to pick up his pace and devour your lips. 

Your skin is on fire and you feel a tell-tale knot forming in your lower stomach. It’s almost too much when you run your nails down his back and he moans as you brush against his wings. You feel his cock twitch inside you, so you wrap your legs around his waist and full-on caress the leathery membrane. 

Cassian stops his movements, and in a split second his large hand is wrapped around your throat, not stopping air flow, but it's enough pressure that you stop touching his wings. “Think you can top from down there?” he growls getting closer to your ear. “I don’t think so love.” his thrusts become punishingly fast and hard. 

The whole bed is shaking as you tilt your head back, Cassian's hand still holding you down by your throat. You smile at the feeling, but it’s soon replaced with a scream that sounds like the Illyrian's name when he uses his free hand to play with your clit. 

“Cas- I’m so close, pleas-” 

You fall, no hurl, over the edge when Cass whispers “Cum for me beautiful, let me see you come undone.” and come undone is exactly what you do. 

Your vision is spattered with stars as wave after wave of pleasure comes crashing down on you. Cassian isn’t far behind you. Two sloppy thrusts later and the male is practically roaring as his release hits him. 

He falls to his side beside you, both of you are breathing heavily and are covered in a sheen of sweat. You look over at him, expecting him to get up and head to his part of the house, but he doesn’t. Instead, he gets up and goes to get a wet cloth and cleans you both up.

“Cass,” you start, but he silences you with a kiss.

“We’ll talk in the morning. Right now I just want to fall asleep with you. Okay?” The look in his eyes melts your heart. How could you say no to him?

“Okay,” you reply and snuggle closer to his warm chest.

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Thanks for reading!

[daffodilhorizon]

I've always been real confused about the "vegans are destroying the environment with polyester" thing cuz animal products are far worse???????????????????????????????????? this is just another case of "let's just make up shit and blame vegans regardless of the science" huh also there's literally no study saying vegans are consuming more polyester than carnists, but it IS clear that carnists are the only ones consuming wool, leather, and silk which are far fucking worse for the enviroment lmao

[ice-o-fon]

Okay so I’ve been seeing people redesigning the tmnt boys, and I wanted to put my own spin on it.

(These are just my extremely altered versions of the turtle boys)

So here they are!

I thought that it’d be cool if each turtles respective colour was gained through their actual species. And yes I’m aware none of them are green anymore, which is something I also thought was weird but another part of me really digger the idea of pushing the limits of these redesigns. So.

A bit of origin of these turtles

Basically splinter was a loyal member of the Hamato clan, however after falling in love with Tang Shen. He moved to New York with her and they had a child, (ya know her, ya love her) Karai. But life in New York can be extremely hard, and so in order to make some more cash on the side, splinter decided to take on underground fights. One day he looses a guy a lot of money and said guy basically kidnapped splinter. And the rest is kinda based mainly off the the rise origins.

Splinter is given to the foot clan by this guy, who at the time said foot clan is experimenting on animals. Trying to make them into mutants, they use splinters dna in this and produce the turtles. But in the same night, a fire is started which causes splinter to both get accidentally mutated into a rat and also allows him to escape with the turtles. As he felt personally responsible for their existence.

However, when it came time to return home to Tang Shen, he couldn’t do it. Being a rat and all. So he went and hid away in the sewers, as ya do. And decided to raise his turtle children in hopes that one day they’d be able to track down the foot clan and find a cure for his mutation.

Here’s some info one the boys too

Leo

Leo is a leather back sea turtle, he is the eldest (according to himself). He remains as flamboyant as he is in rise, but is definitely got a sprinkle of the 2012 Leo too. He tends to listen to splinter the most out of his brothers, as he’s splinters favourite he feels a constant need to live up to that standard. Becoming a little egotistical in the process of this.

Being a leatherback turtle he often just swims around. He is one of the better skilled fighters/strategists of his brothers and takes that with pride (he ends up being a bit of a jerk), but also tends to laze about when splinters not around. He is not the leader of the group as the group doesn’t really have a leader and takes on whatever roles fit best for each mission. He’s still heavy into sci-fi and comic books.

Raph

Raph is an albino forest turtle, due to his albinism he has rather bad eyesight. Donnie made him some glasses for it but most the time he doesn’t wear them. Raph tends to be the best in terms of leadership, but strategical thinking is often left to Leo. He is the one who encourages his brothers to keep training, often butting heads with Leo.

Raph is not as quick to anger as he is in 2012 but he still is more susceptible to it compared to his brothers. Although, he is always there for them when they need him. Being a heavy emotional support for his family (in the big brother tuff love kinda way). He’s also got all the sass of the original Raph too.

Mikey

Mikey is a western swamp tortoise, however all his family keeps telling him he’s a turtle. They’re scared his world will be crushed if they find out he’s not a turtle. Why did I make him a western swamp tortoise? Because i love those little guys and their faces are just so Mikey. He’s the most artistic of the group and is extremely into the old masters (painters). He often forces his family to help him with poses for his paintings.

He is just as energetic as all Mikey’s are. He still has ADHD (like in rise, cuz it’s good rep). Mikey is often the one sent in to get info out of people, he’s a real sweet talker. Like Raph he’s also an emotional crutch for the family, being somewhat of a therapist to his brothers and father.

Mikey’s little bag holds his art supplies

Donnie

I really liked that Donnie was a soft shelled turtle in Rise so I kept him like that cuz don’t change what ain’t broken. Donnie’s practically just rise Donnie for the most part. However, like in 2012 he’s less cynical then rises Donnie. Plus less of a god complex, he still believes he’s the best but doesn’t say it as much as rises Donnie. He maintains his autism form rise Donnie.

Donnie mostly works on new gear for his brothers and himself to make things easier. Leo often points blame at Donnie whenever he’s called lazy because Donnie apparently “set a bad example with all his automatic machines”. Donnie always points out flaws in Leo’s logic, but still loves his brother dearly. And always pops in with a sarcastic remark when needed.

Donnie’s headphone things were def not inspired by the cat earphones.

[the-actual-last-quincy]

actually i have a second question - what does his house look like and does he flaunt his wealth at all (cuz like his parents clearly looked opulent as shit)

Unprompted ask|| always accepting|| @jaegersol

I've written a little bit about this before, although the new anime has rendered some of my headcanon null and void, so I need to update it a bit.

The best way to describe the Ishida household is opulent but bland. It's clear from the anime that Ryuken and Uryuu are currently residing in the old Ishida family home (I'd headcanoned before that they didn't) but I still feel that personalisation and making the house homey, wouldn't be high on Ryuken's agenda. He keeps the place clean (although there's always going to be a pervading smell of tabacco smoke throughout. Even though Ryuken smokes outside that scent lingers.) and he enjoys good furnishings (he's kept a lot of the fancier art and stuff his parents had) but there's no real personality to it. It's what I like to call, rich person generic - the kind of thing you'd see in good housekeeping and clearly cost a fortune, but with no personal touches. Even the colours of the walls are kind of meh, the anime clearly shows there's a lot of beige, brown and cream going on there. You could walk into that house and have no clue who it actually belonged to.

The only exception to this are the bedrooms. This is where the real personality comes out. Ryuken prefers cold colours (blues, whites, purples) and colours his personal space accordingly. He also keeps most of his photos and other mementos here. He has a wardrobe with photo albums and Uryuu's baby book in a box shoved at the back of it. His wedding album is in this box as well as a few older photos inherited from his parents. He has a couple of posed family portraits on the walls in his bedroom, and it's also where he keeps his personal books (think fiction and other books that interest him beyond his career) and other small trinkets. It's probably his favourite space in the house.

He also has a home office but that's more geared towards work and shares a lot of the same generic traits as the rest of the house but does have some small personalizations. He has a photo of Kanae on the desk and, again, the books here are more personal than the ones kept in the library. The furniture here is also a little shabbier than in the rest of the house and chosen for comfort in mind. The desk is ornate but the chair behind it old and losing some of its leather. It sure is comfortable though.

So, circling back to the question, I guess he does flaunt his wealth in way, but it's not in a conspicuous way and he'd be insulted if you suggested that he did.

[glitt3r-litt3r]

headcanons of eddie munson w a sunshiney and joyful gf?? ^_^

sorry if i word this weird but, can u do it in an au where vecna doesn't exist?? 😭 like hawkins is just a normal town,,, vol.2 has destroyed me lolol

I sure can do this for you babes. I am genuinely so miserable gonna think about sunshine girlfriend now thanks :)

Headcannons for the request above xxx

*Okay so they started dating because she's a total sweetheart and when she moved to Hawkins she saw him hanging out with Dustin and she was like awww he's sweet

He calls her honey cuz he genuinely can't think of anything that could be so sweet

"my honey bunny" and it makes her blush every time

Every time he says something pessimistic she makes him put a quarter in the grumpy jar and the jar has a picture of his face on it

they use the grumpy money to buy ice cream and little gifts for each other

She wears a lot of colors, like primary color block is her main thing so Eddie can literally spot her anywhere because she's so bright

she doesn't get sad often but when she does it's usually about her feeling bad about herself or feeling like she's not good enough

Eddie nips that in the bud reminding her he doesn't know anyone as kind as her

she leaves flowers she picked on the side of road in his locker sometimes

he feeds her in the mornings when she's super tired and he makes sure to wipe off the crumbs

despite being a big softy she loves horror movies and has to reassure Eddie that they aren't real /"walk with me to the bathroom? its dark" he says she laughs and holds his hands all the way there

Eddie is so so so soft around her it's actually gross

she was the first person besides Wayne to tell him how proud she was of him and he said thank you and then cried in the bathroom

they have matching underwear because it's comfy but there's a little smiley face on the butt

when she's excited she talks super fast and like really close to his face and he just lets her

neither of them can sit still

when she misses him she cuddles a stuffed animal with his shirt on it her "Eddie bear" and gets really embarrassed when someone sees it

the first time they kissed she pulled back and laughed and he thought she was laughing at him but in reality she was just so happy to be kissed it made her giggle

she wears his leather jacket sometimes and it looks so cool mixed with all her colors

I picture her in the school cafeteria sitting next to him as he rants about how terrible everyone is and she's reading and just stroking his hand under the table "let it out"

there's only one picture of her smiling and Eddie keeps it in his wallet and shows anyone who cares and a couple people who don't

"isn't my girl just the cutest?"

picnics! nighttimewalks! lake days!

they are in love and live happily ever after

[pugwitharug]

The Griefers Playing Minecraft

I decided to make a little sequel to this post after wandering around for like an hour looking for cacti (spoiler: I didn't find any) and I wanted to experience the lovelies once again. It's gonna have the same basic beginnings as the first post but I don't feel like writing it all out. I'm lazy and tired deal with it

🐇Tulsi Ain🐇

Redstone specialist. She makes every type of farm, all the grinders, and it's all so efficient. She makes me jealous cuz I can't do shit

She steals everything from the villagers lol, but she levels up the traders to their highest level. She probably traps them in boxes or something so she doesn't have to track them down all the time

She has these huge farms of animals, mainly cows, so she can get leather to make books, to make bookshelves, to make an effective enchanting table. She puts so many enchantments on her tools

She named a diamond enchanted sword Zenith...........my darling...............

She tries to capture the bunnies and make a little bunny pen. She gets mad when they keep jumping away. Slippery little fuckers

In terms of a house, she leans more to stone. Polished stone and bricks with cobblestone and mossy bricks dotted around as accents. Of course, everything is redstoned and automated

She spends a lot more time on Minecraft than she'd like to admit, but she likes it and it's fun shut up

I feel like she wouldn't mind being on some sort of roleplaying server, or somewhere she can have a job like a blacksmith and get paid in ores and live a life in a nice little village

She makes a skin that looks like her.......with the wittle bunny ears.........and her apron with a little oil stain on it, just like her real life one..................

She would make tutorials on YouTube for redstone and how to make the farms and stuff. She wants to help people learn

Baby bunny I love her so much

🗡️Elowen de Bhaldraithe🗡️

She loves fighting the monsters! She likes jumping into dark caves or the Nether or the End and just beating the shit out of all of them

She's not that good at fighting at first but shhhh no one else must know

Crossbow is her main long range weapon, it packs more of a punch than a normal bow, along with the magic arrows. Other than that, she uses an iron sword cuz it looks most like her real life swords

She defends villages from pillagers and takes over their outpost when they're all dead. Actually she just defends a village in general. Not for the villagers but for the XP and stuff. Definitely not for the villagers /src

If she does make a house of her own, which she probably won't, she'd use dark oak and spruce. Nice comfy and dark feeling, just like her :3

She tames wolves and brings them along on her journeys. She takes great care to make sure they're healthy and safe. She's sad for a week when one of them dies but will deny any relation to the stupid game you showed her

You know she's a softie at heart of course :3

She wanders around looking for loot--she fishes a lot to feed the dolphins to guide her, she looks for ruined Nether portals, she looks for the spooky mansions cuz sometimes they have loot, anything you can think of

(btw have they gotten rid of the jungle temple things cuz I haven't seen one in years and idk if it's bad luck or if they're just gone)

If she got invited to be like a town protector or a mercenary or something on a roleplay server by Tulsi or Lucan, she'll join, but she still prefers to play by herself

She'll get really focused on it and if you come in and ask her a question she'll jump and fall off the cliff face she was trying to navigate. She throws the phone at you and you don't even know what you did wrong

*sighs* cat wifey......I love her

🐯Lucan de Bhaldraithe🐯

He likes building! He likes making cool things! I like to think he has a secret eye for design so he doesn't need to look at too many tutorials to make things look cool

He audibly gasps whenever he sees a cute mob. Pandas, polar bears, foxes, the itty bitty kibby cats, bees

Listen, he's not a cottagecore kinda guy, but.....he will make a house in a flower field near a beehive because he thinks it's cool

He might try to make a little town in creative mode first and make sure it has all the supplies he needs so he can switch it to survival and live in comfort :3

He'd also play on the same roleplay server as Tulsi! He'd probably be an architect and get paid big bucks (aka stacks of emeralds) to make new buildings for people with new roles

He doesn't understand potions or redstone lol. It just doesn't click with him. He's a smart guy in general don't get me wrong but he just doesn't understand it

Ooooh and banners! He likes making cool banners and hanging them on the outside of houses and using them as waypoints and stuff. Those he does have to follow a few tutorials tho cuz it can be confusing with the layering and stuff

He loves taming animals and will not hide his sadness like Elowen does when one of his wolves dies

He'd also like the allays but when he frees them he just gives them a random item so they don't fly off and it's like...a piece of andesite and he can't figure out how to give them a new item so it never gets to do its job

He loves that you introduced him to this game cuz now he associates it with you, who he also loves! He's such a puppy please I love him--

🐮Balsam Taureau🐮

(that's not an actual last name it's just 'bull' in French)

(please give him a last name I am BEGGING)

Anyways, he's not the best at what you would consider the essentials at Minecraft. He can't make cool buildings like Lucan without a strict tutorial, he doesn't understand redstone like Tulsi does, and he gets shit on by hostile mobs cuz he tends to just run headfirst towards them (blame the bull instincts)

But you know what he is good at? Farming

He has these big sprawling farms that spread out across the plains, or he has the cool terrace farms, either way they're really cool

He grows a lot of crops and he knows all of the most efficient layouts for all the crops cuz he is the Plant Dad and that is canon

He also keeps a bunch of livestock and somehow has the best luck with the chicken eggs (even though he keeps accidentally hitting the chickens with them lol)

He tames horses and names them after the people who are important to him... white and black one named Sage....a ginger one named Lucan.....a brown one named Tulsi......he loves them all and I love him

He doesn't go mining often enough to find rare ores cuz he spends most of his time checking on his crops, so all of his tools are iron

He also won't admit it but he doesn't like going into caves.....he enters one, hears a cave noise, stops, and turns right the fuck around XD he's not about to deal with that

Really the only way he gets rare stuff is by getting paid in the server. He doesn't wanna venture out too far

Your honor he's a Good Boi who just wants to tend to his crops leave him be

[transgenderer]

okay so afaik leather has prety minimal effects cuz its a meat byproduct but i wonder if faux fur is worse for the environment (per-yard) than real fur, like ignoring the animal suffering. i think probably not! real fur is really expensive, presumably that corresponds to a lot of resources, yknow, human labor, food, land, etc

[the-firebird69]

This is his idea and the building that's next to faneuil Hall looks like this and he's seen it on the outside and it looks like a continuation of it and it is and if that was closed up it was some sort of business area for paperwork but it's not it was just closed and it can easily be made into this. It has columns you can just cover them and put arches and a ceiling and I'm sure bostonians would approve it and you do it in a Boston style. Which is very similar to this this is almost lost in style and it wouldn't do it in practice but I would do something like this. So kind of inlay, and you said that phrase that last phrase he did and it is an inlay yes and it's hard to tell but that's what they do a lot of up there is the inlay metal pan and it's worth a lot of money it costs a lot to put in there's a lot of people that do it and we're going to go ahead and try and get a permit I'm going to tell them that we want to put a beer hall at faneuil Hall until the place is open and it's going to be a tent and we call it the the beer hall and that's what's going to be called and the building room itself would be called the German word and beer hall underneath it and they will love it as a German word is beer tent and people like that kind of stuff and Boston especially people like teddoyle. He said he'd say you know Marie that building is a tent and she'd say back laughing no it is not dead said that's exactly what it says on the sign. She says no it says beer Hall it says the word above it means beer tent maybe we should go in there and see if they have any circus animals or performers. So they're going to laugh because they're going to try to go to that and we're going to do that everywhere so they might have a chance to do it. ... Is it as good and someone has to do this and put Stewie in it and the family Guy and Mac and Stan and they're arguing whether it's be called beer hole or beer tent and it started with Stan versus family Guy and family Guy was saying beer tent and Stewie was saying beer Hall, so Stewie said wait because family Guy was getting bulky too I'm going to get a double got Mac and Mac said beer hole and family Guy said beer tent it said wait a minute let me go get a double and family Guy got Stan and arguing beer Hall and beer tent and then wait a minute beer Hall after 10: tent and so they start talking and sat down and family Guy came back in I was trying to say beer tent... And Stewie is pretty big same height like six seven and he went ugh real loud. And then everybody is drinking and getting louder. You should see what's going on people trying to make the cartoon and have this animation cartoon system it doesn't work that good so we have devised one that you can actually be the character and it takes like minutes cuz you just feel yourself and you put other characters in doing similar stuff and some people are doing it in an hour and it comes out awesome and it's like 50,000 versions already of beer hall versus beer tent it's going to run a contest. Lifetime supply of our beer but draft beer and in the format they want and they can get the beer regular beer when they are out and then stuff at bars and eateries and package wherever they are with a special card for free it just goes on the card and any format but we'll send the beer to their house once a week a good amount of the draft and everyone is going nuts and they're trying to send it in now were going to make it into a commercial

But he wants to add to it and have the people who do the voices outside in Bostonian suits with Bostonian leather shoes and ties talking about the beer at the beer hall gently and in a Boston Way and Boston accents... And then going to the commercial as they walk in and it goes to clicks to another scene and shows you that people getting cartoonized just not the ones who are the actual cartoon people so this is great he said that's awesome so but the first few they said they want to do a human version and he accepts us a great idea he says and it's a better idea than his although the family Guy show might do it and will give them some money for running the beer it'll be a break from Duff and they say no way and Duff fear is more Simpson stuff and they said that's why oh it look like his.... They're going to go ahead and do it they say and try and take it over. There's a lot of deals coming up like this I got in a beer hall and it is a wonderful thing wonderful thing and we're going to open a whole bunch of them.... He wants to make like a Bavarian hotel attached to the ones where it would fit called Beer Haus.... So we're opening these beer halls in the form of tents everywhere like right now and we're going to put them in our circuses they already are we here and they actually are but we're changing the beer over is so damn cheap a can of beer is like 75 cents a lot of people just give a dollar

Thor Freya

Max and morlock will compete in Boston to occupy the space of the beer hall to meet and talk smack and plans and stuff and usually against each other and we're hoping they don't get access out and try and hit the barrels they say no no we won't do that that's sacrilege you might drink it outside said Aaron you're already bowing he says whatever I have to do okay go to the beer tent beer Hall stewy is saying I got you.

[theliterateape]

[Archived But Fresh] Humans are Scum

By Dave Belden

The following was originally written and performed for BUGHOUSE! on August 5, 2019. Dave’s topic was “People: Inherently Good or Scum?” Dave’s argument won over Lauren Reed’s Humans are Inherently Good. You can listen to the live event on our podcast here. 

I cannot express how excited I am. Because over the past couple weeks since I was assigned this topic, I’ve been overwhelmed by this deep, dark despair. But in the next few minutes, I get to unload it all onto you, and then I can resume the carefree complacency to which I’ve grown accustomed.

You. People. Suck.

 It’s true and you all know it and here are seven reasons why: 

#7   We are selfish, gaping mouths who consume and exploit all the resources we can extract.
 

#6   War, genocide, murder — basically anything involving the unnecessary deaths of our fellow humans. Some will quibble with the term “unnecessary;” those who see certain wars as having been beneficial to those of us who survived. But I’d argue that each and every war since the beginning of time could have been avoided, if only we weren’t such selfish, gaping mouths who consume and exploit all the resources we can extract. 

#5   Rape, torture, mutilation. These might seem the same as war, genocide, and murder, except that rape, torture, and mutilation typically leave the victims alive. This is so we can all be reminded of the psychological terror we’re inflicting on the weaker person, culture, race, or even the countless other species with whom we “share” our planet. 

#4   The saxophone.

#3   Guns. I was going to talk a lot about guns, but then we had these shootings over the weekend and They who know better suggested it was “too soon” to talk about guns. How we created them in order to aid and abet all the war, genocide, murder, rape, torture, and mutilation I’ve already mentioned and I’ll go ahead and lump in other great technologies like nuclear weapons, conventional weapons, chemical weapons, biological weapons — hell cyber weapons are pretty awful.  

They who know better like to say it’s for “defense” or “protection” or “in case someone else with weapons attacks us first” but of course they’d say that because guns are also fun and exciting and loud and powerful and psychologically manipulative and fuck you I like how it smells when I’m oiling my Glock. I don’t know if you actually oil a Glock. I don’t know guns, really. I do know bullies. Anyway, it’s too soon, so I’ll just skip to…

#2   Money. Another, frankly brilliant human invention that allows us to control resources, control people, control armies, control plumbers and politicians and employees. And it’s brilliant because money doesn’t exist, we just all agree that it exists. It’s this nice, clean medium that allows us to exchange resources without getting our hands dirty, or having to think about the strip mining, or the oil extraction, or over-farming, or exploitation of people who don’t understand money, I mean fuck them if they can’t figure out interest rates and inflation and mortgage-backed securities or why they can no longer live where they grew up because it’s now too expensive, yeah life sucks too bad, hey check out my new car it’s awesome yeah leather injection turbo horsepower I got the navigation package too even though I use my phone cuz I’m worth it. And that brings us to…

#1   We choose to live this way. We humans, all of us, choose to be awful. Even those of us who believe we’re virtuous and charitable and kind and woke and enlightened.

a. We overpopulate this little planet. We strip its soil, trees, fresh water, minerals, oil, gas, fish, cows, pigs, and chickens. b. We don’t have to kill and maim our neighbors, or enslave them, or place a value on them and call it a minimum wage or a tip or a salary. c. We don’t have to buy up all the land and call it real estate and tell the humans or animals who lived there previously that they’re no longer welcome, thanks bye. d. We don’t have to allow fewer and fewer wealthy humans to control more and more of the power and land and money. e. We know better. We’re taught what’s right and wrong, what’s good and bad, by our religions and our schools and the humans who came before us. f. We know, in our souls, that we’re worth just as much or just as little as everyone else on this planet, and we know in our souls that we shouldn’t even be thinking about the value of others, but we’ve become so accustomed to assessing worth and value and what we can get out of a transaction that we conveniently and antiseptically forget that we’re often assessing people who are less capable of defending themselves. We do this through middlemen and corporations and the They who provide us with the separation we need so we’re not reminded of where our meat comes from, what chemicals are sprayed on our crops (oh, it’s too bad about the bees and butterflies and birds and babies), and how the fruit-pickers are treated, and gosh if only They could stop going to war. If only They would listen to me. If only They wouldn’t cut me off in traffic and make me mad. If only They could choose to live better.

We choose to suck. We know we could do better, but we don’t. And that’s why humans are scum.

[thedarkmistress16]

tell us about your ocs!!! 😌

Aha well, my main three are pretty similar to each other since they're opposites. Basically there's evil me, my ideal crush, and his inversion. I don't count myself as an OC since I'm real (though I suppose technically I am so you can say I'm in denial), and over time the characters have developed into more than one defining trait. Very uncreative and self-indulgent cringe ahead, be warned.

Selene Maiden

Used to be a mere stand in for OC self-insert to face off against in sword fights, who later became a woman with more complications than morality. Heavily skilled in blade and gun weaponry from assassain work, preferring katanas and rifles. Best in stealth and infiltration missions for her flexibility and sultriness. Emotionally unavailable partly due to early experiences with unsavory characters. Learned to fend for herself from having to grow up in the streets, further leading to trust issues and lack of genuine bonds with others.

TL;DR, Deadpool crossed with Fujiko Mine in Gotham except not insane with a sprinkling of traumatic past ooh mysterious

Aiden Callings

Originally Selene's equivalent with dual pistols and espionage background, later changed to a more straightforward character. With a well-endowned upbringing, he graduated from private insitutions and took up his family business. His stronger interest, however, is hacking, and loves indulging himself in code during work hours whenever he can get away with it. Attends social functions and the gym out of keeping up appearances and membership obligation, respectively. Has a string of past relationships, but secretly a romantic at heart, desiring a deep connection with someone. Will absolutely catch hands if necessary but may need a hospital from the excessive goading he initiates.

TL;DR, Tony Stark tech vibes, Bruce Wayne persona/front with mild bad boy tendencies and leather asthetic just a lonely rich boy looking for love pretty boring ngl lol

Andrew Collins

A literal blank canvas for the longest time, before slowly morphing into his own. A modest and simple lifestyle with tightly-knit relationships comprising of family and friends. This and his love for animals inspired him to become a veterinarian. Often takes in strays or wounded animals when he can, and even ended up adopting a lost golden retriever who became loyal ever since. Dabbled in various interests at a young age, but kept up with guitar and fitness. Adamantly denies having any engagement with cheesy romance films and novels. Would ideally live in a rustic lodge and keep to himself, but isn't opposed to dating.

TL;DR just your reg, old, neighborly, down-to-earth cottagecore disney prince

welp there ya go I used these pics cuz fiddling with cas really helped shape their personalities, but of course the outfits and hair aren't entirely accurate with my vision- it's merely a reference. I'm most proud of Selene's transformation (gorgeous) and I still need to do more work on Andrew I'm still on the fence about him.

[realhankmccoy]

Q: how bad of a person do you have to be to spend your time arguing against charity, kindness and niceness, given the state of the world and its real (re-Al-it-y) problems in 2022?

A: pretty darned diddly bad, neighboroony. If you’re playing say, grade school armchair ‘philosopher’ and feeling, like Ayn Rand or Nietzsche, that altruism is the appropriate problem to tackle, at least we can be grateful you haven’t gotten so dumb yet as to declare it the great problem of our time. As for the people who argue against love and kindness, I think only a portion of them literally spend their time kicking puppies and other dogs. In America, Americans usually have learned to go totally Flipper for domestic animals. Household pets … poof, instaFlipper the human goes.

What Americans like to do is scream and rage out on other humans. Gives em a boner or something, or gives their Twitler lives meaning. That’s all fine, but guys like me are just not into you, and so are many other strangers you may rage out on. Oh what, you can flawless and painlessly, even enthusiastically turn into Flipper for every clerk and passersby at the shopping mall buying your leather (aka yr man makeup) but you’d never reduce yourself to a even a dauphin for any friend, huh? Is that intelligence? Well my tool of capitalism, enjoy your commodity-based lifestyle as a systemic component of what composes the American system, but don’t think I’m about to think ‘oh gee, that one sure was a keeper, he was intelligent and nice’ cuz I think neither.

also, if you make overtures and symphonies to prove you are nice 100 times and they still don’t believe it, it is time to say fuck em and realize that you are dealing with a spoiled bully boy ingrate who there is no pleasing, as the American usually takes everything for granted and always just wants to take a little more like the bloody Andrew Jackson did. Gross.

[ringos-riddles]

mod pluto here! we have another batch! one that took seven days to post XD

Dan

he's a real soft and considerate lad. he is very patient with everyone, like a patience of a king, and never rushes anyone in a hurry. dan can probably wait a long time to let you finish what you're doing so you won't be stressed XD

he's a a bit of a doormat (well, perhaps a total doormat) he just does what everyone says, which poses a problem :(

dan can speak sign language while he talks to people, so other people sort of learn simply from watching him. it helps them understand it a little better, which is a good thing!

he really loves talking about music and the importance of understanding and accepting your friends - though, he's not a fan of huge gatherings. he's much happier in a small group ^^

when problems arise, he likes to gain as many angles of the situations as he can and take each one into consideration before thinking of a definite solution. and dan's quite good at mind puzzles on top of that! (really helps that he played a lot of professor layton growing up, which also implies he's a fan of tea and being a gentleman)

he's married to cl and works with her in the animal rescue shelter as an animal groomer; making sure that the animals are comfortable and cleaning them up. he loves to help out all animals in need :D

as for relationships, i'd like to think that he and todd would become instant friends the moment dan shows that he can use sign language. they constantly have conversations to what topic they are interested in whenever one of them is on break and todd is glad to meet dan cuz he's so nice :) besides that, dan's pretty much friendly with everyone. also! since he and cl work with animals, they are good friends with mark too

Christi

initially a bit of a socially awkward recluse due to not being close around the main part of the neighborhood, christi is absolutely delighted to make new friends from the main area when ringo's riddles lead the lads to her eclectic personal library and treehouse!

she's actually quite familiar with the bakery and patryck's coffee shop, and can often be seen there writing or sketching something in the latter - either in a laptop, notebook, and sketchbook. anything goes as long it's in her leather side-bag!

however, her true eccentricities as an author-illustrator (and amateur theologian) really come to light once you pay her a visit to her home. no, not the cottage; that's the personal library (to which anybody can go now) her home is a tree and the treehouse up top! :000

she'll probably become part of the book club that happens every month. christi might thrive there with her love of books!

christi herself is an optimist and a believer in the extraordinary in the ordinary - be it little miracles, acts of kindness, making childhood dreams come true and all those sorts! she will eventually give it a try. because after all, adventure it out there!! and as a fellow had once said before her; "those who do not believe in magic will never find it."

her little library is always open to visitors! and you can hang your coat in the large old wardrobe and relax. (just... be careful if you decide to play hide-and-seek and go in there. there's not really a back of it. word has been spreading around that you may find a forest beyond it and a lamppost in said woods, but who's to say?)

(also, she's bound to make a lot of references *wink wink* XD)

CL

cl has a very firm and voice when she speaks and will stand up for dan once he shows his doormat tendencies. she is not going to let this happen to her husband or anyone for that matter if it meant not protecting them.

she teaches people the importance of being kind while also being unyielding in your boundaries and standing up for yourself. it's important that you gotta make a line for yourself that anyone shouldn't cross and that's good! :)

she and dan are married and live in a nice, double-wide trailer

as mentioned, she rescues animals. it's her passion job! sometimes. she and the rest of the people who worked in animal-based careers meet up in a club at someone's house to whoever hosts (that usually goes to tord's) to share their experiences and ridiculous stories. what? even though she loves her job doesn't mean it's easy to take care of animals who keep being so troublesome.

when she and dan are not working, they tend to be those people who show off cool animals to everyone XD they rescued this snake a while back and kept it as a pet, and that's the one who they usually let others admire. they foster some reptiles they saved in their trailer until they can be properly released back to the wild.

occasionally, they'd be called to the zoo to handle exotic animals and allow kids to interact and explain awesome facts about them.

cl has a great friendship with edd and tord; having a sweet platonic bond with edd while she and tord feel more like they are brother and sister.

this is their work uniforms!

courtesy of my friend dan! :D

[themakeupbrush]

plastic certainly is a huge environmental problem, but leather is even more unsustainable cuz it contributes to water pollution. and it's inhumane not just cuz animals die, but also cuz workers who make leather are exploited and are at high risk of injury/illness in their job. i'd say it's probably best to just buy second-hand leather if you're against faux leather. also i'm mainly taking issue with the industry, not leather alone, just fyi. thoughts?

They both contribute to water pollution and exploit workers though. I agree that in general, buying second-hand is always better, especially when it comes to animal products. In that sense, I prefer leather because it typically holds up better for reuse. Right now, I think the answer depends on personal priorities and ethics, but my real point was leather, as well as many other animal-derived substances, shouldn't be demonized because their alternatives are just different, not necessarily better.

Side note: I really don't understand the objection to wearing vintage furs. So many people are selling their great-grandmothers' precious fur coats because they can't wear them due to public opinion. Those animals died like a hundred years ago, no additional suffering is caused by multiple generations wearing it.

Also as @wrenling mentioned, if you are going to buy leather, you can try to support your local indigenous community most likely have sustainable methods and could really use support.

[strabius-berry]

testing out my laptop with some ms paint sketches of my headcanons for Beelzebub and Asmodeus’ true demon forms. Both designs lean more into their symbolic animal/insect, Beel being a housefly and Asmo being a scorpion.

Have you ever seen a close up of a scorpion’s mouth? Or better yet, a video of how they eat? As you can see, they have pincers in their mouths that they use to hold their prey in their mouths while they suck up the juices. Nightmarish. So of course i had to give Asmo such a mouth. How he uses it is entirely up to you. ;)

For Beel, I decided to not go with an anatomically correct housefly mouth since they’re basically silly straws that slurp their nutrients up, which would be too slow a process for someone like Beel who would want to eat as fast as possible with no hindrance. So he gets: no lips. Nothing but teeth, as well as an jaw that can unhinge to take in larger portions of food/prey. I also tried giving him massive compound eyes, but they looked silly on him, so instead they’re like lens that provide the same sight as a housefly, but his real eyes are underneath, sunken in by his own sin that also caused his abdominal walls to sink in.

i hope to keep up practicing to use my new laptop stylus, but until i can solve the issue of art programs not working properly, i can only do so on ms paint. in the mean time i’d like to sketch out more of my headcanons for the other brothers and their true demon forms. Cuz i need me a giant monster, that horns+wings+leather getup is not good enough. XD

[anothertimdrakestan]

Ranking My Thoughts On The Batboys/YJ Boys Flirting Skills (lol)

req: "Rank the BatBoys and Young Justice Boys on their flirting skills pretty please?"

HAAHAH YES ALRIGHT omg i love this ask

in no particular order,

Dick Grayson 8/10, i think of dick's flirting style is immaculate but he's kinda a flirtatious person in general so i knocked him down a point bc anyone he's flirting with will think it's just regular for him when he's really trying to put on the moves. The other point was knocked off because there's no chance in hell his brothers wouldn't interrupt his flirting as adorable as it is, 8/10.

Bart Allen 4.5/10, this is harsh, but it's bart. i mean his freakin name is bartholew and he's from the future. his version of flirting is probably blushing and giving you the nearest object to him then running away. we love him for it, but he's not smooth.

Jason Todd 9/10, god this man is smooth. i give him lots of points because i think his flirting strategies are immaculate and that he's less of a flirt than Dick so when he is flirting you know and it's fucking hot. -1 for Kory and Roy harassing the shit outta people hes crushing on.

Conner Kent 10/10, THIS IS NOT YOUNG JUSTICE ANIMATED CONNER KENT THIS IS THE HOT CONFIDENT SEXY STUDDED LEATHER JACKET DADDY LEX'S MONEY CONNER KENT THATS ALL I NEED TO SAY

Tim Drake 2/10, tim does not have the fucking time of day to be flirting and cutesy, he's a fucking business man and vigilante and depressed teen. the people tim dates either have been friends with him for a damn good while or put the moves on him and i stand by that.

Gar Logan 7/10, mf is smooth as hell but -2 because he's green and a movie star so like getting your average like coffee shop gorl would be a little difficult but other than that mans has game cuz he's dorky enough to be cute but confident and flirtatious too. 7/10 because he's one point below Dick.

Damian Wayne -1/10, this poor boi is so fucked up emotionally lets be real. he probably doesn't know he has feeling for someone until like 4 years into knowing them and then he would do the opposite of flirting. basically, it take special person (cough ris or jon cough) but him falling for them/getting them to fall for him is NOT flirting period.

Terry McGinnis 8/10, very comparable to Dick, fun and flirtatious and outgoing but i just don't think he has that jason todd swag yk? so 8/10 but he'd be like 8.2 because his smile is *chefs kiss*

Wally West 10/10, i cite both the Jinx episode of teen titans and his entire run on young justice GODDAMN mans is a flirt machine. he fucking invented flirting. all i'm saying is m'gann did not know what she was doing when she went with conner. end of story.

Jaime Reyes 5/10, he has more game than bart but that's about it. -3 for visible discomfort caused by the scarab, -1 for bart lmao, and -1 because he's a quiet little bean and though he could flirt like with a girl he's really really into he doesn't have that "pick you up off the street" mentality at ALL.

i feel like i'm forgetting character but this is my list however i am open to and interested in differing opinions lolz lemme know how i did!

thank you for the req!!! ily

[written-beyond-the-grave]

Elija Mikaelsaon Dating a Black S/O Headcanons

Did anyone ask? No, did I deliver? Yes.

- Alright, so Elijah and the Mikaelson’s have been alive for a while. Never got a specific date, but we have vikings. And as Elijah has been alive for a minute, he’s had flings, situationships, lovers, and at some point out knight in shinning armor was probably a fuck boy… don’t @ me.

- What I’m trying to say is man probably did it all, Asian, Latinx, Caucasian and African American and maybe even African and Caribbean… Maybe even fucked around with his sexuality for a second because he got it like that and the writers were too pussy to put this shit on

- Tbh probably the originals tried all the genders and non-genders, change my mind. But elijah strikes me as a free for all who loves something refreshing that’ll take him out of Klaus’s bullshit for a minute

- But here’s were this shit gets spicey… Elijah… with a black s/o….. Just hear me out poc who been waiting for someone to give them good fucking food on poc x tvd/ the originals, I got y’all… unless college comes back.

- OK so, I feel like if you’re rocking with Elijah he’d dress you up and ice you out because he can. Nothing under $5,000 for his s/o… We talking furs, diamond, real leather, snake skin, hell even a whole ass snake if you wanna be on your Bruce Wayne shit一 better yet, your T’challa shit with a whole ass panther (black panther ain��t real soooo y’all can get a black puma and call that bitch a panther lmfaoooooo)

- He’s asking you to a dinner date and then you say you’re ready…. Wearing pretty little things…. Missguided… honey. (Nah ain’t shit wrong wit those brands, they be having bangers tbh and sales like a bitch) Let him upgrade youuuuuuu. You only wear Givenchy, Yves Saint Laurent, Burberry, Balmain, etc. Try walking out there looking a damn mess and distasteful… just try it sis 

- Speaking of which… my mans got you with hair too! Fuck you mean ?1?! 

- He had a black s/o in the past, even though her hair had loose curls… we won’t discredit her. He has some knowledge on how curl hair works, and if he’s lacking, he as a whole library and might fuck around and ask Bonnie in exchange for some witchy ingrdients (im cdfuuuuuu)

- Name, braids, twists, locs, finger waves. Wanna shave bald??? He’s for it, let him get you his barber. Fuck it, he’ll get you Marcel’s barber. Lined up and all that shit, throw in a fade too

- And coming in for wash day, he’s sitting behind you days in advance helping you take down your hair after a month or two. Grey sweatpants, scissors in hand, spray bottle to the side with Netflix as background music…. Fuck with it. You’re all tired after doing like 8 and he tells you to take it easy, with vamp speed and the deterixty of those fingers…. *chefs kiss*

- He sets up a lil wash day station for you, or if he’s on the clock just books a whole salon for you alone already paid for. But if he’s doing the work, best believe he spent the coinssss COINS for the organic shampoo shit you have the refrigerator and the deep conditioner, AND THE FUCKING LEAVE IN. He’s keeping your shit moisturized in the winter. His big hands and gentle fingers helping detangle your hair, you in a fluffy robe, enjoying being loved on….

- Y’all didn't even get me started on him doing twists… or plaits, or the bantu knots, the concentration on his face

- IDK why I gotta say this… nails done too, he loves the feel of your nails gliding on his scalp and down on his back when he’s giving you those slow strokes. 

- This doesn’t have to do with anything, but the fact that the originals were set in New Orleans which is mostly BLACK BLACK BLACK BLAAACCCKKKKK and I saw like 3 black people in that bitch, ong….. Julie Pleck, you basic bitch

- Anyways, I feel like Elijah in a trench coat coming to pick you up from work would be such a vibe and a mood. Like, he knows when you get off and you might just take public transportation or something to have some sort of independence. But he shows up after work when you’re leaving with some friends from work…. Nigga shows up in a dark blue cadillac, trenchcoat with the collar up, leather gloves… and a fresh cut

- Who tf let him out the house??

- And ik you’re friends trifling too asking who is he, a damn fine tall glass of milké

- And he’s just leaning against the door waiting for you and once he sees you, he waits for you expectedly and kisses your forehead in greeting and gets the door for you

- Speaking of driving, Elijah be too damn serious, and that’s were you come in. 

- I need him and the Miakelson’s at a cookout doing line dancing, the electric slide, cupid shuffle (and give Rebekak some goddamn friends shit, she everyone stay chasing love and shit but have 0 friends and boundaries, they drag family though the mud) 

- Like I need him out his suit and in some dark jeans, a solid white v-neck, rolex on his wrist, and white air forces

- Sitting there, kinda out of place until he settles in. Like I deadass see him asking where the tables are at the cookout and like… you break it to him he’s gonna have to do the table legs for that shit

- And the plastic cutlery! LMFAOOOOO his soul is slightly quaking

- And its finna be a whole ass test when an uncle comes up and grabs him by the shoulder in a greeting and tries to fill in the seat for spades or even worse…. Dominoes…. That’s it. It’s over. Elijah been alive for too long and knows every play in the book and can bluff his ass off

- But if we talking dominoes… we gon have the boondocks animation version of a nigga moments cuz y’all fights will be started, money will be lost…. To Elijah. In the end he gives it back bc he’s a good sport and bc humiliation is a greater victory 

- Lmfaoooo and the quiet drive back, you’re exhausted but the music station is playing throwbacks and Usher’s climax comes on and bitch… the high notes, the lamp posts that give you both a glimpse of each other’s side profiles. And for once Elijah is relaxed and coming down from his amusement. No one is trying to kill him or his siblings, and good food albeit greasy in his stomach.

- Dare he say he felt human for a moment

- You staring out the window and softly singing along enjoying what the day was, Elijah loving the ambiance created. Mmmmmm such a mood

- THAT BEING SAID imagine you and Elijah on a long drive and “I Mean It” by G- Eazy comes on and you start singing along bc data is expensive over long ass drives and being stuck in traffic. And Elijah is giving you a bemused look, you in all your glorious wonder and you just make the lyrics more dramatic ashit trying to be a heartbreaker and all that. But, the true heart breaker is Elijah

- He comes in on the verse and gives you all eye contact, lips completely sync but your can kinda hear his voice keep the tempo…. Bitch this makes me feel some type of way… and as he’s going on he grabs your face and tilts your chin up OOOOUUUU gets up all close and personal and finishes the lyrics which is perfectly timed with when the light turns green and turns back like nothing just happened. There yo are aping like a fish bc tbh if anyone could rap it’d probably be Kol, he’s like the emnemin mixed with busta rhymes type, but tone it down….

- Bitch imma go fantasize rapping Elijah, y’all been slept

- And for those asking yes, I do write for black readers, mor specifically female but I can try male