#day 4 i'm gonna make something that i've been planning on making for a while

[ginaporterr]

skipping day 3 simply because i cannot choose 🙏

[hugshughes]

betty C. Bedard

Connor Bedard x fem!reader

synopsis - senior year starts, and Connor tries to fix everything after you were left torn to shreds after rumors all summer spread through your small town that Connor had a fling with someone all summer. a fling that supposedly began not long after the messy and unclear "end" of your relationship with him.

wc - 5k

contains - based off of Betty so... <\3. but not that bad because it's less James (Connor) being a douche and more teenagers love to spread rumors and misinformation!!!! crying, sadness, anger, shouting :( but also!!!! touching, hugging, kissing, making out a little bit. reader is 17, and her birthday isn't exactly clear but it's in september. Connor is a jealous teenage boy, and reader is a jealous teenage girl <\3. OH also my high school was 4 periods with over 2000 students and home room was just first period??? i know others are obvi different but that's just what im going off of!

an - hai!!! me when i cut lyrics like this when they don't exactly match how im writing the fic >_< i missed u people. i'm very genuinely sorry i've been gone but i genuinely have had one of the best summers of my life. IM SORRY A CHORUS GOT CUT IT WAS GONNA MAKE THIS HAVE TOO MUCH FILLER OKAY I DID THIS FOR US.

-

betty, i won't make assumptions, about why you switched your homeroom. but, i think it's 'cause of me.

Second day of senior year, you prayed it would be better than the first.

Yesterday, August 27th, you'd walked into homeroom, and your heart had dropped. Connor sat at a table in the back, laughing at something with his friends. Your Connor. You couldn't even call him that anymore. He wasn't yours. Apparently, he was another girl's, now. A girl from your town's rival school, Augustine, or something.

You sat through first period financial literacy with a weight in your chest. You sat at the very front table with a few friends, trying to smile and converse with them. They could tell something was wrong, and when your teacher said Connor's name during attendance they'd realized what.

You went to second period, feeling a bit better. Then, during lunch, you sped to the guidance office, begging your counselor to change your schedule. She was skeptical, having a feeling it had to do with something social, which she didn't believe called for a change. But when she noticed the tears that welled up in your eyes, she just smiled and clicked her mouse a few times, handing you a brand new paper for the classes you'd start the next morning.

To say Connor Bedard noticed you when you came into homeroom yesterday was the understatement of the year. The boy's smile dropped, his eyes locked on your figure as you shrugged your backpack off, smiling at your friend you sat next to. Yes, this class would be his chance to reconnect with you, fix and explain everything.

He walked into day 2 with a plan, a plan to somehow talk to you in first. He sat in the same seat he had yesterday, talking with his friends while his eyes never left your chair. He waited, and waited, and waited for you to walk in. You never did, you were in another classroom, first period AP Spanish, laughing with your best friend as you did icebreakers.

When the bell rang, he stopped the girl you sat next to the day before, awkwardly calling her name. He asked her where you were, and your friend faked confusion while she fought off laughter.

"Oh, she had her schedule switched, she has like Spanish now I think."

He nodded, mumbling a thank you as he swiftly exited the classroom, his friends shouting at him from the doorway.

As the school day went on, your day got significantly better while Connor's did the opposite. He got in his car after the final bell had rung, sitting in silence for just a minute before his friends piled in. Of course they'd all lived in your neighborhood, it being the most common one for your high school.

betty, one time, i was ridin' on my skateboard. when i passed your house, it's like i couldn't breathe.

He dropped them off at their respective homes, turning down your street to exit the neighborhood. He slowed down as he passed your house, your car was already in the driveway, you must've just got home. Last year Connor drove you to and from school almost every day, he missed that.

You two had broken up, if you could even call it that, in late May. The two of you were arguing about something both of you would now call dumb and you'd stupidly blocked his number after an angry phone call. Connor took that as you ending it, you took it as you were sick of arguing and couldn't speak to him in the moment. You were an emotional wreck when Connor had started ignoring you, still believing it was just all stupid misplaced emotions that needed to be talked through. You let him give you the silent treatment, knowing you were both still very upset.

About two weeks later, still nothing was resolved. School had been over for about a week, but you were miserable. Everything went to shit when you were tapping through Snapchat stories one night. One of your mutuals from school had posted a photo of her and her boyfriend, Connor, and another girl sitting next to each other on a bed in the background. They weren't cuddling, but their thighs were touching while they both looked at something on Connor's phone so basically your life was ruined.

You had over a dozen girls send you the story, asking what the fuck had happened. You had to tell them and yourself that you were broken up.

you heard the rumors from inez, you can't believe a word she says most times. but this time it was true.

It was extremely embarrassing for you once people that you barely even knew were telling others your business.

Connor knew he was royally fucked whenever a random girl he knew you were friends with had come up to him at a party during the summer and asked him about Augustine.

"Is she your new girlfriend?"

"What? No. I don't have a girlfriend."

"That's not what she thinks."

He almost asked who, but he knew who she was talking about. You. Everything was you. He couldn't get you out of his mind no matter how hard he had tried.

the worst thing that i ever did, was what i did to you.

Augustine didn't mean anything to him. His friend had tried to set him up with her because of how sad he'd been. But, he didn't have eyes for anyone but you, so she was just a friend of his.

All summer, he'd tried to find ways that put you two in the same place at the same time. Your town's annual Fourth of July fireworks? You were at the beach with family. Your mutual friend's huge 17th birthday bash? You were at young life camp with friends. The one time it could've worked was when you hosted a party, it was an open invite, but of course, it was the weekend Connor had his biggest hockey camp of the summer. It's like the universe wanted him miserable.

but if i just showed up at your party, would you have me?

You tried to erase Connor from your mind, but it was too hard. Living in a town where everything reminded you of the blonde boy sucked. And even if you were gone, you couldn't get away from him online, either. He was the guy to be watching for next year's NHL Draft. He was amazing, but he was also a very young and socially dumb boy.

You and Connor had gotten together towards the end of freshman year. It'd been about a month since your two year anniversary when the whole miscommunication and breakup took place. He was your first boyfriend, and you were his first girlfriend. Everyone at school knew about you two, even the people who didn't know you at all. It wasn't because you two were grossly comfortable with PDA at 8 am on a Wednesday.

You two weren't at all comfortable with your relationship being too on display to anyone, but the small and subtle things that made people silently root for the two. People saw just how you looked at each other, and how your moods changed with and without each other. They watched you two together at every event. Saw you as the loudest girl in the student section at hockey games. It was just sweet.

would you want me?

Connor was fucked. Although he couldn't confirm it, he was convinced your disappearance from first period was due to his presence. You changed your schedule to get away from him, that's how much he'd hurt you.

would you tell me to go fuck myself?

He wondered what you'd do if he just showed up at your house, or came up and asked to talk to you at school. Would you tell him to fuck off? Would you agree to talk, and listen to his apologies?

or lead me to the garden? in the garden, would you trust me, if i told you it was just a summer fling?

Connor had to speak with you, he couldn't contain himself any longer. When the final bell rang he sat in his car and waited for his friends, driving them home, through your neighborhood once again. He passed your house, only your car was in the driveway. He parked on the street, closing his car door gently behind him as he trekked up your driveway and to the front door.

He knocked softly, stepping back a few feet to wait. After thirty seconds the door opened a third of the way, your body coming into view. You were already in comfy clothes, you hated when your outside clothes touched your bed, Connor remembered. Your eyes widened, your brain sending panic signals through your body, your limbs freezing up.

"Oh my God. Uh, hi?"

You had no clue why Connor would be standing awkwardly on your front porch at 2:38 pm on a Tuesday.

"Hey. You can tell me to fuck right off and I will but, can we like, talk?"

i'm only seventeen, i don't know anythin'. but, i know i miss you.

You blinked a few times, the words taking a moment to register. Connor wanted to talk to you? About what? Did he need real closure after all the dumb shit that happened between you?

"Oh, yeah, sure. Come in."

You led him to your room, you weren't sure why you didn't just go to the living room, silently cursing yourself halfway up the stairs. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Was it clean? Were there clothes on the floor? You were now mortified by the idea of Connor seeing a bra on your bedroom floor, something that wouldn't have crossed your mind five months ago.

Your room was fine, only some socks and a sweatshirt on the ground. You sat in the cushy chair in your corner, pulling your knees to your chest. Connor sat cautiously on the end of your bed, he was always the one person you'd let wear outside clothes on your bed because you didn't care as long as he was laying with you.

It was eerily silent for a few moments before Connor spoke up, your head snapping to him.

"Um, I've been wanting to talk for a really long time, seriously."

You nodded, your eyes leaving his, the air too tense.

"Me too."

Connor's eyes widened at that, seriously? You wanted to talk to him? That was what he'd been hoping for months.

"I can't really think of a better way to say this but, uh. I miss you, a fuckin' lot. And I know I royally fucked up but I really just want you in my life. I hate the tension and the fuckin' like, uncertainty between us."

What? You were so confused. He missed you? But you had people all damn summer nothing but happy to fill you in on all of the Connor and Augustine news. Connor took your silence as you expecting more from him, so he filled it.

"And I know that everything that happened was because I was being a jealous asshole. I'm really sorry and I will show you that."

betty, i know where it all went wrong. your favorite song was playing from, the far side of the gym.

Ah, yes, the fight that ruined it all. See, in May, Connor and the Regina Pats were fighting through the playoffs, and he had one of the biggest games of the season on the night of prom. It was your first prom, and you'd been so excited to go with your boyfriend, so you can imagine the disappointment when he told you he wasn't going to be able to make it. You were crushed, to say the least, and sulked the entire time.

i was nowhere to be found, i hate the crowds, you know that.

The only few minutes you had fun the whole night was when a group of your friends had gotten you to dance after hours of begging, and a photo was taken of you with an arm innocently and extremely appropriately around a guy friend of yours' shoulders. It was platonic, even another girl friend of yours was on the other side of him and had her arm over yours.

It was really not a big deal, but Connor had seen it and was extremely jealous, and felt guilty. He was envious but also beating himself up over not being there.

plus, i saw you dance with him.

"Connor, that wasn't all your fault. I was a crazy bitch and blocked you, even if it was for like forty minutes. I shouldn't have done that, it was stupid. All of it."

He nodded, both of you unsure of what to say next.

you heard the rumors from inez. you can't believe a word she says, most times. but this time, it was true.

"And, I don't know if you care or not. But, I know all sorts of people have been saying stuff about me and Augustine. I promise you that I hung out with her that one time with Adam and hated it. I told her that and we were just kind of friends I guess. I only saw her one other time all summer. I wasn't already moving on from you, 'm still not."

He'd be the death of you, you were sure of it. Did he know how badly you needed to hear that? Even if you were skeptical if it was true when it first came from his mouth, the moment of silent eye contact between you two spoke volumes. He wouldn't lie to you, he was the most honest person you ever knew.

"I think it's stupid for us not to be friends, Connor. We were best friends before and while we dated. I miss that with you."

the worst thing that i ever did, was what i did to you.

You also missed kissing him, and cuddling, and whispering sweet nothings, and holding hands under the table at dinner.

You might as well have dangled Connor's heart on a string in front of him then decided to stomp on it. Friends. That would have to be how it was, he knew he couldn't have none of you, and some of you would always be better than none of you.

"That'd be really good."

You both smiled, although in your minds you both wanted more, you were too scared to say it. You stood up, Connor right after. You just looked at him close up for the first time in a while and sighed happily. You hugged him without caution, arms around his waist and face in his chest. His came around your shoulders, squeezing tightly if only for a few seconds before you let go of what had to be a friendly hug.

You both walked downstairs, Connor opening the front door and stepping onto your porch.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Connie."

"Yeah, okay."

You shut the door with a smile, immediately freaking out as Connor did the same on the other side. You had no desire to be only friends with Connor, but it was the safest route to having him in your life without getting hurt.

i was walkin' home on broken cobblestones.

Connor sat in his car, staring through the windshield. A thousand thoughts raced through his mind. He finally had his favorite girl back in his life, but not the way he wanted. That would have to be enough though, some of you would always be better than none of you.

He snapped back into it when he realized he'd been parked outside your house for multiple minutes and drove off. He went home and then later to hockey practice, and you never left his mind.

just thinkin' of you when she pulled up, like a figment of my worst intentions.

The next day at school you smiled at Connor in the hallway. He was teased for the rest of the day by his friends at the blush he possessed after it happened.

For the next month or so, you two danced around each other. You talked often and hung out together in group settings. At school, you'd talk and laugh, all of your friends demanding they could tell you were still in love. The both of you would insist that you were now just friends and happy about it, even though both of you were yearning to be so much more than that.

she said, "james get in, let's drive." those days turned into nights. slept next to her,

Your birthday was approaching, your 18th. You insisted you wanted something small, a dinner party with your favorite people. You'd invited over a dozen of your friends, receiving RSVPs of yes from all of them. There was still one more blonde boy you wanted to ask, though.

When the final bell rang, you ran out of school like every other teen with a car. Instead of going to yours, you found yourself walking up to Connor's black jeep, one you were oh so familiar with. He was on his phone but noticed you immediately as you were walking up.

He rolled his window down, a grin gracing his face.

"Hey, what's up?"

You lent your elbow against the window sill, resting your cheek against your hand.

"So, my birthday's on Saturday, and I'd really like if you came. It's just a small dinner party at my house, nothing crazy. You might be the only guy attending but I'd love if you could make it. I totally get if you can't though, it's a bit short notice."

Connor's eyebrows raised in shock. You wanted him at your birthday? This felt more intimate between the two of you than any other moment in the past couple weeks. Connor wasn't gonna let you down like he had at prom.

"I'll be there. Can't wait."

Connor wished he didn't love how your eyes instantly brightened, the corners crinkling to match the grin on your face.

"Great, awesome. I'll see you there Connie."

You brushed your hand over his shoulder as you said bye and turned to trek to your parking spot.

"Yeah, bye. I lo-"

I love you. Connor cut himself off before he could say he loved you. Holy shit, why did he almost say he loved you? He prayed you couldn't hear it, the way you kept walking didn't make it look like you did, but he couldn't see your face.

Your jaw dropped, hearing the first two syllables out of his mouth before he caught himself. Oh my God, Connor almost just told you he loved you. You kept on to your car, waiting until you were alone to freak out. Of course, you'd said it all the time while dating, but he hadn't told you that in months, you assumed he didn't feel that way about you anymore.

Connor had told you he couldn't wait for your party, and it was the truth. He had never been a patient boy, and waiting to see you all day on Saturday had him fidgety. He was wearing jeans and a navy Ralph Lauren quarter-zip, a white t-shirt peeking out from the unzipped section. He was wearing his cleanest sneakers and held a small gift bag in one hand, flowers in the other.

betty, i'm here on your doorstep. and, I planned it out for weeks.

He knocked on your door at 7:02, having been sitting in his car outside your house since 6:57, telling himself he could do this. You opened the door quickly, a gorgeous smile on your face. Your eyes widened when you saw what was in Connor's hands, wrapping your arms around his neck in what was too close to be a friendly hug. He wrapped his arms around you, careful to not dishevel the flowers.

"Hey, Connor. Thanks for coming."

"Wouldn't miss it. Happy birthday."

You pulled away after what felt like not long enough, leading Connor inside. He handed you the flowers, a moment of tension between you. Your mother greeted him, hugging him and taking the flowers from you to put in a vase.

Connor was first to arrive, followed shortly by your best friend, who silently made fun of you for how flustered you were. Everyone was in your house by 7:18, and you talked and mingled until around 8 when you decided it was time to eat. You sat next to Connor at your big dining table, earning a few teasing looks from your girl friends.

Dinner lasted a while, everyone talking and laughing. A little over an hour passed by before your mom came through the entrance of the room, holding a stand with a cake, 18 golden candles stuck in the pink and white frosting. Everyone sang as you awkwardly laughed. You closed your eyes and wished for Connor, he was all you could think of. You blew your candles out and everyone cheered, clapping and laughing.

You hung out for a while with everyone, another hour and a half passing before people's curfews started falling. Of course, Connor was the last person there, he'd always been the last one there when everyone else had gone.

but, it's finally sinkin' in.

You two sat on the couch, still awfully close even though everyone else was gone.

"You gonna open your gifts?"

You turned and looked at the small pile of boxes and bags, shrugging.

"My mom always said it was rude to open gifts in front of my guests."

"Am I just a guest to you?"

You laughed, shaking your head. You stood and grabbed all the gifts, laying them on your coffee table before you began opening things. Every gift was thoughtful and sweet, you left things in specific piles so you knew what to thank people for later. Connor's gift was last, and his stomach twisted when you grabbed the bag.

betty, right now is the last time, i can dream about what happens when, you see my face again.

Shit, this was when he was gonna tell you everything. You pulled at the neatly placed tissue paper, you could tell Mrs. Bedard had helped Connor out. The first piece came out and you saw the envelope sitting on the side of the bag. You grabbed it and Connor gently grabbed your wrist.

the only thing i wanna do,

"Can you read it after? I wanna see your reaction before."

"Okay."

Your eyebrows scrunched, but you didn't think too much of it. You pulled out the next piece of tissue paper and your jaw dropped. A small teal box sat wrapped in a bow. The color was unmistakable, the bow too. You looked up at Connor with wide eyes, already feeling tears prick your waterline.

"Connor you didn't."

is make it up to you.

"You don't even know what I did. Look at it."

You grabbed the box, pulling it out and gently untying the bow. You slip the lid off the box, your assumption proved correct, a beautiful white gold necklace lying pretty and perfect in the box. Two heart-shaped white gold pendants hung down, shiny and polished to perfection. Your eyes watered, no one had ever done something so kind for you.

"Connor, I can't even accept this. 'S too much."

"Well I'm not gonna wear it, and I'm not returning it either."

You lightly examined the necklace, light reflecting on the second heart causing something to catch your eye. You held the box closer to your face, squinting for just a second before your eyes widened. There was a small 98 engraved in the heart, your jaw dropping slightly.

so i showed up at your party. yeah, i showed up at your party.

"I've had it since June. I'd tried to order it for our two years but it took forever to ship."

You couldn't help but set the small box down and throw your arms around Connor, a huff of surprise leaving him at the impact. His arms wrapped around you, squeezing tightly.

"I love it, I love you."

You took a leap of faith as you pulled back just slightly and kissed your ex-boyfriend. His arms around you tightened, kissing back immediately. Your hands held his face as you kissed fervently. You were practically pulled into Connor's lap by the time you pulled away to catch your breath, chest heaving as you stared at each other. Connor grinned, extremely happy his girl was back in his arms.

yeah, i showed up at your party.

"I love you."

You giggled and leaned your forehead against his shoulder, still taking in what had just happened.

"Missed you so much."

You turned your head and left a kiss on his neck in response, your boy was back in your arms.

"Missed you more. You don't even know."

"I do know, all summer fuckin' sucked."

"Yeah! And your ass had dating rumors two weeks after we 'broke up'!"

"The key word there is rumors."

You both laughed, Connor kissing you again. You both smiled and giggled into the kiss, tingles running through your bodies.

"Hey, sweetheart! Did everyone leave?"

Your mom had gone upstairs to bed after cake, you thought she'd be asleep by now. You shushed Connor's giggling, pushing yourself off his lap and pulling him up with you.

will you have me?

"Almost mom! Connor's still here, he's leaving soon!"

"Alright, well goodnight you two!"

You both called goodnight to her, turning and smiling at each other.

"I guess that was you demanding I leave."

You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him down and pecking him a few times.

"Shut up! If I had only said that you were still here she'd probably be down here in her pajamas making sure we aren't getting at it on my couch."

Connor just laughed, kissing you again. You two sat back down and just sat together for a while. You both had missed just existing together so much. It was nearing midnight when Connor told you he had to go.

"I have practice at like 6 tomorrow."

"Connor! You're only gonna get like five hours of sleep. Go home."

He stood up, pulling you with him. You walked him out, very quietly opening the front door. Connor's arms wrapped around you again as you stood on the front porch of your home. You laid your head in the curve of his neck with your arms wrapped around his shoulders. You stood in silence for a few moments, before you interrupted the quiet.

"You know what I wished for?"

"No. What'd you wish for?"

"You."

will you kiss me on the porch, in front of all your stupid friends?

He grinned, kissing you sweetly. He held your face as your hands gripped at his quarter-zip. After a few moments, you pulled away, giggly and drunk in love. You didn't know but your Ring Doorbell was catching the whole thing on camera.

You two stood on your porch talking until ten after midnight when you cursed at yourself and insisted Connor needed to go get some rest.

"Walk me to my car?"

"Fine, princess."

if you kiss me, will it be just like i dreamed it?

He failed to fight his laughter as he told you to shut up. You held hands as you walked down your driveway, Connor's jeep parked on the side of the road.

Connor leaned you back against the driver's door and kissed you real good. You almost forgot it was nearing 12:20 am and you were in the middle of your street making out with your technically still ex-boyfriend.

will it patch your broken wings? i'm only seventeen, i don't know anything. but i know i miss you.

You snapped back to reality and pulled away from Connor.

"You need to stop kissing me while I'm trying to get you to go home."

He climbed into his jeep, rolling down the window and leaning his arms against the window frame. As much as you wanted him to go home and get some sleep, you also loved and missed him too much to give up this moment.

"You love it, though."

standin' in your cardigan.

You rolled your eyes and sighed playfully, tilting your head and giving him a smile.

"Might be a crazy question but are we together now?"

"We were never broken up in my mind."

"Cut the poetic shit Bedard. Am I your girlfriend or not?"

He laughed, that was his girl.

"You wanna be?"

You gave him a legitimate eye roll that time, he just laughed again.

"Yes, you're my girlfriend and I'm your boyfriend."

"Perfect, awesome. Have an amazing night. I will text you tomorrow morning whenever I wake up. Which is not gonna be around 5:30 like you."

He groaned thinking of morning practice but was back to smiling at you in less than a moment. You leaned forward, kissing him one more time.

kissin' in my car again. stopped at a streetlight.

You pulled back with a sleepy smile, your whole heart content.

"I love you, Connor."

"I love you."

“Drive safe.”

Connor watched you all the way up the driveway and into your house, waiting a few extra seconds for you to lock the door before he sped home.

Once you closed and locked the door, you were smiling and giggling to yourself. You put on your new necklace and cleaned up from your party.

The two of you slept soundly, you knowing you finally had your person back, and wouldn't lose him again anytime soon. Connor would've been okay with 20 minutes of sleep if that's how long you kept him. His girl was finally his again, and he wasn't going to lose her again.

[theglamorousferal]

Persephone's Binding Part 7

Hardcover/Anger Management ship Sacrificial Bride au

AO3 Prompt Part 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

As he slid into the booth Jason was glad he had taken Danny's advice on wearing "Mid 2000's American chic". Clad in dark wash jeans, a red Henley shirt and his leather jacket he waited for Danny to come back with their order of "Nasty Burgers". He wasn't particularly excited about the name, but after sparring for four hours he was starving.

"One Double Nasty Burger with Nasty Fries and a chocolate milkshake for you and the rest is for me!" Danny returned to the table with his arms stretched longer than should be possible with four trays of food. He placed one in front of Jason and kept the others for himself. Jason raised an eyebrow at him. "What?"

"You sure you can eat all that?"

Danny smirked, grabbed a fist full of fries and declared "Watch me," and shoved his whole hand into his mouth in an almost cartoon logic sort of way.

Jason gaped for a moment before he chuckled to himself and picked up his burger. It looked like a regular burger, so he took a bite and - dammit it's delicious! He finished his bite and reached for the fries - eh, pretty mid.

"You were right about the burgers, this is delicious. However, once we figure out if or when we can contact my home dimension I am taking you to Batburger and your are gonna try the Jokerized fries." Jason finished his statement gesticulating with a fry before he popped it into his mouth.

"As long as your paying." Danny said, himself gesticulating with a fry. "I mean, flying around and doing ghostly shit is pretty taxing, so I'm always down for food, especially of the high calorie kind."

"Fair enough." They lapsed into a comfortable quiet for a while. Danny quickly worked his way through four Double Nasties, three large fries and two milkshakes.

Jason remembered something he had seen at the training grounds. "So I know we can't use projectiles on each other, but I noticed targets at the grounds. Any chance we can spend the afternoon practicing our aim?" Danny raised an eyebrow at him and Jason rolled his eyes. "Fine. Do you want to spend the afternoon trying to one-up each other?"

"Sounds like a plan, dude." Danny took a long slurp of one of his milkshakes. "So, what do you think of my sister?" he asked, narrowing his eyes.

Jason startled at the shift in topic and blinked. Am I about to get a shovel talk? I should probably be serious then. "I think she is very kind and genuine in her care of things. I think she's acting as Atlas and I think it's been that way for longer than she's been Regent. I think she probably should take one if not multiple days off." He brushed the salt from his fingers onto his jeans and licked his lips before speaking again. "I haven't really been able to have a real conversation with her yet. Mostly we've kinda just given each other a summary of our lives and a brief discussion about books after our discussion in the library last night. I've interacted with you more than I have her, but from what I've seen of both of you so far, I'm impressed."

Danny looked at him, his green eyes intense, as if scrutinizing his very soul. He very well might be doing that actually. Jason did not flinch at the inspection, everything he had said was genuine.

"Hmm." Danny took a loud slurp, finishing off that milkshake. He set it aside and grabbed the other. "Do you find her attractive?"

Jason did not waver as he responded. "Just because I do doesn't mean anything without her approval." Danny narrowed his eyes further and took a sip so long Jason wondered if he had to breathe.

Jason sighed. "Fine, I may try and make myself a bit more aesthetically pleasing to her to try and catch her attention besides that I am a person in need and would gladly take pointers if you aren't completely against me attempting to woo her."

Danny smirked. "I knew it! Ha, take that Johnny!" He whipped out a clunky looking device and sent off a message in a group chat. He then leveled Jason with a look. "K, so, I may be new to the whole 'reading souls' thing, but when I took a look as you were talking nothing looked off and I've enjoyed hanging out with you so far today so I'm going to help you." As Jason perked up, Danny held out a hand. "I'm just gonna say this right now; I am not a miracle worker. I'm going off of evidence from past crushes and boyfriends here and it's been years since her last one. She's been a bit too busy for romance with all the training and then everything that happened.

"Anyway, you're on the right track with the biker aesthetic if this is more like your every day clothes. If you had a bike to go with it then we can likely get your foot in the door. I mean, you've already got a leg up on her last boyfriend with talking to her about books." Danny paused in eating his fries. "You know what? Let's rain check on the target practice, I'm gonna take you someplace we can get you a ride. We'll kill three birds with one stone, you get more of the biker aesthetic, maybe you can get Jazz to go on a ride with you, and you can move around the Zone without needing one of us to guide you!" Danny shot off another message to his group chat and then promptly finished off the last of his fries. "Come on, let's head over!"

Jason gathered all the trash and dumped it away as he followed Danny out of the restaurant. Danny grabbed Jason by the shoulders and flew off from Amity and towards a segment of floating land that looked like a winding road.

"It's gonna take a bit to get there at normal person speeds. Mind if I speed this up a bit?" Danny looked down at Jason.

"Go for it, I'm used to flying with the Supers and they can move at light speed."

Danny looked at him shocked for a moment. "Man, your dimension sounds so cool!" At the last word Danny's entire being seemed to flicker brighter and the freckles on his face spun around and were shaped like stars. He cleared his throat, embarrassed for a moment. "I can't go nearly that fast, but my top speed should get us there in five instead of thirty minutes." With that he took off.

Soon enough, Jason saw quickly approaching what appeared to be a brownstone not unlike those from any major US city with an apartment above two businesses. A garage and a stylist's from the look of it. Standing in front of the place was a couple, a blonde and very pale man in a mechanic's jumpsuit covered in various stains, and a very pale woman with green hair and bright red leather jacket and skirt.

"Hey Phantom, so this is the poor schmuck?" The blonde asked after Danny placed Jason back on his feet.

"Hey Johnny, yeah, this is Jason. Poor guy got sacrificed to Jazz of all people." Danny replied with all the air of a younger sibling. "Anyway, I'm pretty sure he left his bike in his home dimension, mind hooking him up with a ride? I don't want to have to carry him everywhere and I doubt a ghostly horse is gonna do it for him." He stuck his thumb out, pointing at Jason behind him.

Johnny seemed to be sizing him up, his arms crossed before he eventually nodded. "Fine, but it's going on your bill." He turned to head into his shop. "See ya later Kitty, I got a big project apparently." He kissed the woman before he walked into the garage.

Jason made to follow, but Kitty stopped him. "If you ever need some styling you come to me okay kid? And if you make the Queen cry, I can make men vanish with a kiss." She patted him on the shoulder before sauntering back into her shop.

"Yeah, Kitty got close with Jazz after a fight she had with Johnny one time. It's kind of weird because when Jazz was dating Johnny, he was trying to get it so Kitty could possess her to exist in the Living Realm. It was a whole thing, but it's behind us at this point." Jason blinked at Danny's back as he floated his way into the garage. Okay then, just casually drop horrifying lore why don't you? Jason followed him inside.

Danny was floating over Johnny's shoulder as the man was drawing up basic schematics.

"Standard Court specs?" Johnny asked the floating High Prince.

"For liminal humans for now yeah. We haven't had the chance to bring him to get a full scan done to find his classification yet."

"Hmm. Okay, hey Sacrifice, get over here, do you like low riding or tight riding?" Jason joined them at the table and they spent the next few hours planning out Jason's ecto-bike. "Looks good, it's gonna take me a bit, but I can get it to you in a week, two tops if I can't get one of the parts. I'll hold off on the engine until we know what your classification is, if you produce your own ecto then we'll need a sample for it." At Jason's hesitation he continued. "It just means that it'll be more self-sustaining and you can summon it to your will. It'll lock-on to your ecto-signature."

"Cool, do you think it'd work in my home dimension? Or will I have to leave this beauty here if or when I leave?"

"Possibly? I mean, at the very least you are death-touched and that kinda manifests ectoplasm in universes. It depends on how much ambient ecto there is around. It doesn't run on gas, it runs on ectoplasm." Danny butted in. "Either way, it'll be good to have here, and who knows, if you have to leave it, maybe you can still come visit?"

"Yeah kid, I'd like that." Jason replied.

Danny smiled. "Cool, well, we gotta head back for dinner. Lunch Lady is making baked Mac and Cheese tonight and I am not missing getting the corner servings."

"See ya around Johnny! Thanks for this by the way."

Johnny waved him off. "Eh it's no big deal, I make all the rides of the Royal Family. You being sacrificed means you're probably bound to this craziness for eternity." Johnny looked at him seriously for a moment. "Do better for her than I did, K? I know that won't take much, but she's been through Hell and back and she deserves someone to take care of her for once."

Jason nodded back, determination set on his face. "If she lets me, I will."

[simonnebethel]

Writeblr Introduction

Just learned what a writeblr intro is so I'm gonna make one before I go to bed lol

I've already done something like this a few days ago but that was when I had no clue what I was doing lmao, so might as well make a more in depth one

About me:

19, she/her, bi

American

I write mostly fantasy and urban fantasy, and honestly i dont think i've ever written a story that was non-fantasy lol

Started writing when I was 10, but it was mostly Warrior Cats fanfiction on Wattpad lol. I went through a writing slump for most of highschool but last year I decided to get back into it since I'm not doing anything else lol

I like to read fantasy and classic lit, also anything with vampires. I also have a soft spot for slowburn romances where the main characters dont kiss until, like, the 4th book heehee

In love with anything gothic, vampire, and wlw 👩‍❤‍💋‍👩

I think one of my more niche interests is any early 2000s fantasy/sci-fi movie with a nu-metal/rock/alternative soundtrack like Queen of the Damned and The Crow. They are just...*chefs kiss*

My current stories:

A Chant for Blood (Formerly known as Account of Calamity)

Account of Calamity is a gothic victorian fantasy about a Grand Marshal, Karliah Helisende, and a blood-drinking fiend, Yorick Gwynplaine, who work together to investigate the mysterious portals that spawn dangerous creatures into the city of Isarnan, all the while Karliah is being haunted by the mysterious ancient temple that watches over her every move.

I'm currently working on the second draft, and I may start looking for beta readers once I'm finished, although I know I'm not far from finished with this novel. I also plan to make it a 4 or 5 book series, and slowly add a slowburn romance.

12/30/24 - Second draft has been finished!!

Looking for beta readers! Look here!

Our Demonic Hearts - The Craven Pact Series #1

Our Demonic Hearts is a urban fantasy about a cambion woman, Ana Kravens, haunted by her past. Taking place in a small Mississippi town, a man she went through a traumatic incident with, Beau Motloe, shows up on her doorstep one day with a deal; help him find his missing mother, and he'll give back the memories she lost during the traumatic incident. Her father, a demonic creature of unknown origin, wants nothing more than the Motloes dead, claiming that they were the very reason his daughter was almost killed 6 years ago. Ana goes against her father's wishes and accepts Beau's deal, suspecting that her father isn't telling the whole truth about that fatal night.

It is completed and available on Wattpad and Royal Road!! It was just a small project I had done for Nanowrimo, and has been edited at least once before being published. However, I plan to make it a trilogy and maybe have some spin-offs. This story is fairly new, but most of the characters are at least 5 years old and I love them very much <3

What I plan for 2024:

Finish the second draft of Account of Calamity and look for beta readers(In the beta reader phase!)

Start the second novel of The Craven Pact Series

Write a short story/novella or two taking place within the Account of Calamity universe. My brain is currently exploding with ideas rn(2 are in the drafting process currently!)

Write a short story about Ana Kraven's mom and how she met Marchosias, Ana's father.

Plan something for Nano?? Idk where I'll be in November lol

I'm interested in following other writers and reading everybody's stories! I would also be interested in a beta read/beta swap ^^

Other sites I'm on:

Wattpad: LillithOfBees

Royal Road: SimonneBethel

Nanowrimo: BeeWitch

18+ Writing discord!!!

[osarina]

Hellooo,

So, it's not really a request, just kinda? Idk, i just want to share this little idea with you and you can do with this anything you want!!

So reader and adazai are dating for a while rn and they are happy and all and dazai decides that he wants to propose reader. He has the ring and all planned out. But before he could, reader is sent to a mission and dazai be like: "okay, i'm gonna wait til she is back."

The only problem is that she isn't back in a good shape :') Something went wrong on the mission, there were stronger ppl than reader and the ada obviously didn't know abt it (let's just say that ranpo didn't know abt it too for the plot, okay? :')) and they all freak out and everything. Reader is sent to a hospital (yes, yosano's ability doesn't work on her. No i don't know why and how. It's just ✨plot amour✨)

But anyway, reader gets better and wakes up from her coma. But! She lost her memory. So when she finally wakes up and dazai is holding her hand while half asleep and the others are here too and when they notice that she is awake she just be like: "Huh??? Who are you all??"

And dazai of course heartbroken. The love of his live, his reason to live, his soon-to-be fincée doesn't remember him?? That's the end of the world. But ofc he doesn't show it that his world crumbled over, instead he tries to win over reader's heart again. And it's all fluffy through reader's recovery. Ooooo and i have this very very very cute scene in front of me.

Imagine: Dazai and reader are sitting on a rooftop, it's after some time when reader finally remembers her name, age, family, job etc (expect dazai, we love angst :p) so the basic things and there's a moment when she says that: "My mind may not remember you, but my heart could never forget."

And it's just shows that how domestic are they really that even if tragedies try to force them away from each other, their heart, their soul will always find the way back bc you only find true love once. And the right person (or people) will always came to you (i'm delulu.)

But let's not forget abt dazai and his self-blaming tendencies. My man here would be so crushed that he couldn't save his beloved. So maybe, at first, he wouldn't try to make remember their relationship. After all, if the only person he loved romentically forgets about him then that must be fate, no? A reminder that he doesn't qualified to be called human, so ofc he shouldn't enjoy such a human things as love. That he should cherish the time that you two spent together but should never reach out for you. After all, he might get his dirt on your freshly started new life. And he also wasn't sure that you would even want him with all his mistakes, inperfections and that ugly, broken soul of him.

So i think reader has to make some moves first too. Just from instinct. Bc loving him is like a second nature to her. But aftet reader defeats dazai's self-sabotaging attempts, the cutesy recovery would start <33

OH MY GOD I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. Someone should check this out bc my love for him is starting to get a little unhealthy 💀

Anywayyyy i wish you the loveliest, most beautiful day ever bc you deserve it. And again, feel free to ignore this rant, no pressure <333 i'm just so down bad for him, ughhh. I want to squeeze him so bad <33

Also, if it's not a big problem, can i be 🍄 anon? If it's taken then 🎶 anon?

Much, much love!!!

(Pls ignore the spelling and grammar mistakes, i'm running on 4 hours of sleep each day this week and english is my 2nd language)

AHHHHHHHH NONNIE UR SO IN MY BRAIN I'VE BEEN DYING TO WRITE AN AMNESIA FIC FOR DAZAI. the way i was going about it, i was thinking maybe we could do an ability user that targets reader and their ability causes reader to completely lose memory of the most important person in their life ... except this was going to be set pre-relationship but they were both sooooo clearly in love with each other but neither wanted to make the first move. so reader would come into work like usual and nothing seems wrong until she sees dazai and she's like ??? who are you and dazai is just CRUSHED and the whole fic is set around him trying to hunt down this ability user to make reader's memories come back but it's like they've vanished off the face of earth. eventually he comes back to the office when he gives up because he literally CAN'T find this ability user and then we follow reader re-falling in love w dazai and dazai self sabotaging because he's dazai

I WISH YOU THE MOST LOVELY BEAUTIFUL DAY EVER NONNIE I ADORE YOU

[tokiko220]

Noone talks about The Drummer and the princess movie enough and ESPECIALLY not about the people behind it. It puzzles me to this day.

Warning, extremely long post but i really wanna archive all this.

For those who don't know, in 2018 Angels Pictures released a teaser trailer( CZ EN) for this movie and it obviously looked shit for a movie made after 2000 ESPECIALLY when people were claiming it cost 80 million CZK to make (3.5 mil USD-ish) which is an insane amount of money for a czech production. Plus in the czech trailer they have an uber popular czech singer Karel Gott appear revealing he's voicing in it, they even have a super low res photo with him from the studio.

(honestly i'm pretty convinced they met him once for the recording of the trailer lines)

So allegedly 80 mil CZK 3D animated movie with a bunch of celebrities voicing in it! Wowza! Why does it look so shit? EDIT: CORRECTION! After going through some more documents this is in fact and estimate of how much they think the movie is going to cost- they seem very upset people get that wrong. But honestly I don't think anyone actually thought they spent that much money on it.

Immediatelly bunch of czech news websites started rolling out articles about it because obviously, it was ridiculous. It looked ass the trailer is pretty cringy and they have all that stupid self congratulatory bs about giving 4% of ticket sales to kids because its made for kids. With love♡ People are ridiculing the hell out of it, obviously, but then a rumour starts that it's a all a publicity stunt. Obviously noone would make something that looks this bad in the year of our lord 2018! Angels Pictures don't hesistate and start nodding their heads aggressivelly. They pat themselves on the back for coming up with this new cool marketing strategy they dubbed "The Spites and Envy Promo."

They post this stupid, self congratulatory post talking about how they actually intentionally made the teaser bad, saying they modified it with "minor technical imperfections" (MINOR??????? IMPERFECTIONS????). According to this interview some guy named Jeremy came up with this genius and "innovative" plot. But if you read the interview (in czech unfortunately) you'll also find out the teaser probably looks so bad because no, there isn't actually really a movie at this point! Which is insane, given they released the teaser in September and promised a winter release! They apparently work by recording the dub first and then animating for it. In the interview he says they have about 20% of that done. But whatever, they keep insisting it's all part of the plan dude! The movie is going to release in like 28 countries and it's gonna be huge. (if you speak czech i totally recommend reading that interview it is enlightening lmao) I don't need to tell you I think the "spite and envy" promo is a bunch of boloney because if you're looking to drum up views and popularity through controversy you don't turn off your youtube comments about it.

Back in 2018 I was having a riot following this and despite being convinced it is not going to come out, I was posed to see it day 1 in the theatre if indeed it did come out (afterall, they're giving 4% of ticket sales to kids ♡) They continued to flaunt their genius marketing strategy and even bragged their teaser became the most watched czech animated movie trailer on youtube! Which while true, it doesn't really mean anything, because they second most watched actually came out and made money, while The Drummer and The Princess entirely missed their initial release date with no explanation why! On their website the release year kept shiftin ever forward and in 2019 they added the "RIP Karel Gott" to the trailer, so I know you're out there GIVE ME MY MOVIE!

Spoiler alert, it's 2024 and we still don't have the damn movie! But ever since then I've been completely fascinated with these guys, so let me bring you towards the about us section of their website, because it's frankly hilarious. Meet Angels Pictures!

Starting with Alex Pieter you'll notice he proudly states he's the author of the "project" The drummer and the princess. The second thing he mentions is that he's a member of MENSA and makes sure to explain it is an association of people with high IQ because you wouldn't know anything about that. Underneath that he lists a bunch of things he did which really just reads like when you put literally ANYTHING you think is relevant and makes you look good on your CV, like that he cooperated with big names like Vin Diesel or Catherine Zeta-Jones or Gerard Depardieu. Generaly a bunch of jargon to try and make him look super cool.

There's also this guy but he's considerably less funny and really jsut looks like your regular marketing guy. He's not even in MENSA.

Back then I was still wondering whether this was all an elaborate joke, and I may even believe it if these two guys didn't sound like the most start up "trust me bro" marketing guys. That really marks the end of The Dummer and The Princess, but I'm not done with Angels Pictures quite yet! You see, I thought they got me all excited for this movie and then dipped but no, they were planning something even cooler.

A video game.

Honestly, you need to see it to believe it.

After seeing this, I genuinely started doubting myself again. Like this has got to be a joke right?? What in the mother of all asset flips...

It was supposed to be a VR experience (but also non VR) about .. uh.. well....... Flying aroung?? And there will be vampires.. and dragons?? Whatever they found on the asset store I assume. But not in the base game! You see, the clever MENSA head over at Angels Pictures came up with this new game monetization model called "Modular System". You buy the base game called "The Radix" and then you can buy additional packs such as "Oh, Look!" which adds interesting sights to this flying simulator (making me wonder what the base game even does have). Then we have "Vampires" which I supposed adds the Italian Vampire Palmira who does not believe in wearing pants. Also a bunch of other "modules" that add things to "duel with for treasures". Yay.

Those with a keen eye might notice this isn't actually entirely their idea, this has basically been The Sims 4 monetization scheme since literally forever, but as much as I hate to admit it, at least the sims actually like.... You know.. Gives you something? And isn't an asset flip. And ... exists. Oh yeah, spoiler alert, the No*1 game with the funniest flying object (whatever that means) never did come out, I know, we're all shocked an crushed about it. The actual website for the game went down (which is why I'm making this actually, everday I fear all of this will dissappear) but there's still stuff about the game on their company website such as;

The release Timeline. Lofty goals, per usual. I don't need to tell you none of that happened because if it did I wouldn't be writing this and I would instead be playing Magic Carpet game swith the Vampire and Space module.

Continuing the scroll we can find that they claim to be a studio of "roughly" (???) 30 artists.

Ah yes, nothing is quite as innovative as a VR asset flip game that gives vague description of what it's actually going to be about. Reminds me Dream World.

I don't know what kind of artists they are but whoever made that purple green logo should be fired promptly. Also as you can see they are still bragging about the huge success their marketing campaign was and using it to seem credible- never mentioning that the damn movie never came out. The kids are still waiting for their 4% (which btw they never quite mentioned what charities they are planning to give that to.)

Now let's check out Alex's updated profile for the game;

He's really come to his own since The Drummer and the princess. He's still a member of MENSA, a global association of people with high IQs, but I think it's adorable he updated his photo to be a picture of him holding a controller like he's a gamer girl on instagram. He's just like you, fellow gamers. He's a 3D artist now and an IT specialist and programmer! Is there something this handsome devil can't do?! though despite his newly acquired 3D art skills, the game somehow manages to look worse than the movie trailer.

I also wanna point to this, purely because I wanna archive it. "A game that simply isn't on the market" yeah but what is it ABOUT Alex???? It's honestly a hilarious read and a look into "the sicks brains on their team."

After all of that, what's the conclusion?? I dunno! I think these guys really missed their calling as MMORPG Fundraiser scammers, I think they really would have popped off with that. My theory currently is they try to set up these projects and websites and try to make themselves look as credible as possible to get investors for their stuff?? But I also cannot imagine it ever actually worked out? And obviously they never delivered on anything they promised so I just don't know! Besides they actually did work with Karel Gott and that's nothign to scoff at! I wish I could find out whether it was because they have an in with him or whether they paid him (if so, with what money? I can't imagine getting someone of his caliber to voice for you is cheap).

That marks the end of this insanely long rambling about this thing I've been obsessed with for years now and really wanted to archive in some limited way. Now I'm just waiting for them to come up with some new project that involves AI.

[captainlunaxmen]

Be My Queen

Chapter 1

Eddie Munson x Reader x Steve Harrington

This is a repost since the old blog doesn't work anymore. 🥰

Chapter summary: When Vecna takes Nancy to show her his plan, he takes y/n as well to show her he already knows her or some version of her. For the gang, then it's time to come up with a good plan, and a trip to the War Zone is due.

Chapter warnings: spoiler season 4, blood, non-con touching, violence, Jason being an asshole.

What the hell is happening?

One minute, I hear Steve's panicked voice calling Nancy, and the next I'm in... a laboratory?

My friends and I finally got back from the UpsideDown after being stuck there, and now I'm trapped again... it's terrifying.

I look around, trying to calm down by taking a big deep breath. The walls are clean and white, just like a hospital. A shiver runs down my spine when I notice a girl walking out of a room with papers in her hands.

What the fuck?

She looks exactly like me... how?

I decide to follow her, seeing that I have no other option.

As I follow her... me... I see some other people, who look like doctors and nurses. Some of them are followed by kids. Shaved head, all of them.

I quickly take a closer look and notice they have a number tattooed on their arm.

Could it be where El lived?

Oh fuck. I'm in Hawkins' Lab. Why? Why is there a girl who looks exactly like me?

I keep following her around, but before I could follow her into a room I hear a voice calling my name.

I turn around finding a blonde man, looking directly at me.

"Yes?"

I turn around after my "clone" answered him. Her demeanour changes right away when her eyes spot the man. From calm, almost bored to nervous, on edge.

"I've been looking everywhere for you, love." the blonde man says with a sweet, yet intimidating tone.

"I... I was fixing some things... for today's tests." The girl tells him in a small voice.

As the man walks towards her, I notice the girl taking a small step back, but stops, almost holding back.

"You always work so hard. You should rest for a while" he's now in front of her and she doesn't look comfortable.

"I don't mind it, Henry, I'm not even tired," she says letting out a nervous chuckle.

"Take a break, c'mon. Ten minutes won't hurt anyone" the man named Henry insists, moving his hand to caress her arm so slightly.

"Maybe later. I have to drop off these files and check on the kids" she explains calmly.

"What about I check on the kids so we can have some... alone time?" He asks, inching closer and closer to the girl, who looks around the corridor to probably check if someone's coming.

"I don't think it's a good idea," she says, trying to remain calm "Brenner asked me to personally check on the kids."

Henry just looks at her, almost admiring her.

"Then give me a kiss so I can go on with my day without missing you too much"

He doesn't give her time to respond, his lips are already on hers, moving the hand that was caressing her arm to her hips holding her.

The girl's eyes are open, she doesn't exactly kiss him back, she just lets him and he doesn't seem to notice it.

"I'll see you later, love," he says after pulling away.

"Bye," she says and quickly walks into a room, I follow her just as quickly, however when I enter the room I find "me" attending to the same blonde man, Henry.

He looks bad, like he was beaten up or something, the girl's checking his head.

"Do you feel nauseous, dizzy, or..?" She asks.

"No.. just a little stunned" he answers, holding his head.

"That's good... at least a bit."

They stay silent for a moment, the girl looks at him with sorrow, I think, someone must've put this Henry through something really bad for her to feel sorry for a man she was quite intimidated by.

"I'm sorry, Henry," she says.

"Don't be." He replies looking up at her and grabbing her hand, the action makes her tense immediately, still he doesn't notice it, instead, he goes on "It was not your fault and you don't need to worry about me, angel, I'm gonna get us out of here."

"What?" She's confused.

"Eleven has a huge power. Her powers have the potential to become something great... she could help me build a new world. A world for us. Then we could finally be together" he explains and now the girl looks alarmed.

"What are you talking about?" She asks.

"Don't think about it, my love, I'll fix everything soon?" he tells her and kiss her hand.

What the hell is going on here?

I feel myself shaking, and breathing becomes hard so I turn around to get out of the room.

As I walk through the door I'm back in the corridor, but now the walls aren't white and clean... they're covered in blood.

I look around, on the ground laying with broken limbs and bleeding eyes there are the same people I saw walking earlier... the children too... all dead.

I feel myself getting sick when a scream catches my attention.

"Stop!" It's the girl again.

I run towards her voice and enter a wide room, a rainbow fantasy on the walls, lots of kids' toys on the floor... there's blood on them too, the children's. I see them laying on the ground blood all over them.

Fuck.

"Please, Henry, you need to stop" I turn to see the girl standing in front of a mad Henry.

He takes a step toward her and she takes a big step back. I don't think she cares anymore if he feels hurt by her actions or not.

"Why are you scared, my angel?" He asks, he doesn't realise she doesn't feel the same and he doesn't realise what he did wrong. It makes me sick.

"You... fuck... look at what you did! They're... they're kids.." she tells him in between sobs.

Suddenly he walks to her cupping her face in his hands, preventing her from moving away. She still tries though.

"Don't you understand? Don't you understand why I'm doing this?" He asks her, rather harshly.

"What's there to understand? You... you fucking kill them" she replies, voice breaking at the end.

Before he could answer her there was a noise coming from near the wall.

I look back seeing a boy standing up.

Henry's eyes darken as he notices him, he lets go of the girl and turns his attention to the boy.

"No, please... Henry... please" she tries to stop him, trying to stop his arm from slowly raising. "Please... fuck... don't!"

Henry nods towards the door and the girl flies across the room hitting the doors and Henry goes back to killing the boy.

He lifts him into the air and using his power he breaks his bones and his eyes.

The boy looked so young...

As soon as Henry killed the poor thing he looks for the girl, but she's nowhere to be seen.

She must've escaped while he was distracted.

I want to do just that so I run out of the room.

When I go to open the door I find myself face to face with Eddie's worried face.

"Oh, Jesus!" He lets out a sigh of relief.

"Fucking thank god" Steve exclaims.

"What... what happened?" I ask sitting up.

"We thought Vecna took you and Nancy," Dustin says from beside me so I look at him, caressing his arm to assure him I was okay.

I look at the others, all with worried faces. Nancy's beside Robin who got an arm around her reassuringly.

"Did he let you go too?" She asks and I nod "did he show you what he showed me?"

"I... I don't know"

-----------

We all moved to Max's trailer where Nancy started telling us about what Vecna showed her.

His plan of bringing a sort of army to Hawkins, to let the UpsideDown expand completely into our world through some gates.

They keep talking, but I can't pay attention, I hear them, but I can't listen.

I'm too focused on whatever the fuck he showed me.

"I was there" I suddenly say from my place on the ground, head in my head thinking.

"So was I. It was... so real I- " Nancy starts, but I interrupt her.

"No. Not that. I mean, I was there, at the lab. Or some copy of me, a clone or... I don't know." I take a deep breath "this... Vecna, one... Henry, he was, like, in love with this girl, or better, obsessed with her. Delusional. I saw... I saw him killing a little kid... the same way Eddie described... with no sign of regret or even sorrow."

"What... what if he just showed those things to scare you?" Steve suggests, evidently trying not to think of the worst.

"He didn't. I... I don't know what the hell was that, but I know it was very much real... and it's freaking me the fuck out, okay? I don't want to believe it, but... there's no denying it." I tell him. "For some reason, I, or another girl who looks exactly like me, was there and he feels like he found her again."

"Why doing all this just for... a girl though?" Robin asks "don't get me wrong, you're a wonderful girl, I'd gladly do that too. But why be so obsessed?"

"He needs a queen" Dustin answers her like it was obvious.

"Fuck..." I mutter hiding my head in my hands once again.

"Shit...Try 'em again. Try 'em again" Steve tells Max, who immediately goes to the phone.

We've been trying to contact El, Will and Mike, with no results.

"Anything?" Dustin asks.

"No. Rang a few times, then went to a busy signal." Max answers.

"Maybe you punched it wrong. Try again" Steve says.

"I didn't punch it in wrong" Max replies, rightly annoyed.

"Well, I don't know" Steve tries.

"I think she knows how to use a phone" Dustin defends Max, who's trying once again.

"I'm just saying, she could've typed it in wrong." Steve insists.

Max hangs up the phone again "same shit"

"How is that possible?" Lucas asks confused.

"I told you, Joyce has this telemarketer job. She's always on the phone. Mike won't stop whining about it." Dustin explains.

"That can't be three days straight busy, Dustin," I say.

"Yeah, something must be wrong" Max agrees with me.

"They're right. It can't be just a coincidence. It can't be" Nancy to agree."Whatever is happening in Lenora is connected to all of this. I'm sure of it. But Vecna can't hurt them nor take Y/n. Not if he's dead. We have to go back in there. Back to the Upside Down."

"Whoa. No, no, no. What?" Steve complains.

"Nope." Eddie too shakes his head.

"She's right," I say standing next to Nancy. "I don't know about you, but I don't exactly like the idea of being some teen-killing monster's mistress or whatever. So we either kill the bastard or... we kill the bastard" I say matter-of-factly

"We barely made it out of there in one piece" Steve points out.

"Yeah. That's because we weren't prepared, Steve." I tell him. "We just need a plan"

"A good one. Then we'll go through the gate, we'll find his lair, and we'll kill him" Nancy supports me.

"Or he'll kill us" Steve replies, agitated "the only reason you survived is that he wanted you to. He's not scared of us."

"And for good reason" Robin finally speaks "we were wrong about Vecna. Henry. One. Sorry, what are we calling him now?" She asks.

"One" Dustin and Lucas choose.

"Vecna," says Erica.

"Henry," Nancy says.

"Piece of shit?" I suggest, noticing a nod from Eddie.

"Right. We've learned something new about Vecna/Henry/one... uh... piece of shit. He's a number like Eleven, only a sick, evil, male, child-murdering version of her with really bad skin. But my... my point is, he's super powerful. He could turn us inside out with a snap of his fingers. It's not a fair fight."

"Then why fight fair?" Dustin asks, simply "you're right. He's like Eleven. But that gives us an upper hand. We know Eleven's strengths and weaknesses" he explains.

Genius.

"Weaknesses?" Erica's quite confused now.

"There is one thing we can use," I say.

"Exactly, when El remote-travels, she goes into this sort of trance-like state. I bet the same is true for Vecna" Dustin keeps talking.

"That would explain what he was doing in that attic" Lucas points out.

"Exactly. When he attacks his next victim, I'll bet you he's back in that attic, physical body defenceless." He declares.

"Defenseless? What about the army of bats?" Steve rhetorically asks, pointing at his injured neck.

"Right, true. We'll have to find a way past them. Distract them somehow." Dustin answers.

"And, uh, how do we do that, exactly?" Eddie asks, about to stand up.

"No idea" Dustin replies and Eddie sits back down defeated. "But once they're gone, he doesn't stand a chance. It'll be like slaying sleeping Dracula in his coffin"

"That sounds good in theory, but there is no pattern in Vecna's killings. I mean, at least not one that I can decipher." Robin notes. "We don't know when he's going to attack next. We don't even know who he's going to attack"

"We don't need another victim," I say, looking down.

"What are you talking about?" Nancy asks, worry clear in her voice.

"I can be the bait."

"No," Steve and Eddie say at the same time.

"I will" Max speaks up. "I can still feel him. I survived before I can do it again"

"No." I firmly say "we don't know if the music thing will work again. He will kill you if he gets another chance. But he will not kill me"

"We... we don't know that Y/n" Steve walks in front of me.

"Yes, we do! You didn't see what I saw. How he was with her. He looked at her like she was the reason the sun goes up every morning." I look him in the eyes, and my voice gets softer "he won't kill me, Steve"

"Are you sure about this?" Lucas asks.

"Positive," I say letting out a big sigh "just... please kill him"

"We need supplies" Nancy declares.

-----------

After stealing an RV we head to the War Zone that, according to Eddie, has everything we might need for killing things.

The plan is to buy weapons and then find an open space to get ready and be away from unwanted attention.

I sit in the back with Dustin while the others are scattered around and Steve's driving.

"Are you worried?" Dustin suddenly asks.

I look up at him, then I look around to avoid his worried stare and find Eddie's, instead. I smile at him, to let him know everything is alright.

"Scared shitless" I then say to Dustin.

"You don't have to do this. You can back down and we can think of a new plan together" Dustin tells me, he tries to both reassure me and make me change my mind.

"I know, I know. But the only other valid option is for Max to be the bait and, in all honesty, that scares me even more" As I speak I play with my fingers and when I sense someone's presence with us I look up seeing Eddie.

"Hi" he softly says.

"Hey" I reply.

"I'll leave you two" Dustin smiles at us and gets up to join Lucas and Max.

"You okay?" He asks and I softly laugh. "Stupid question, I know. I'm sorry"

"Nah, don't worry about it. You can ask all the stupid questions you want" I smile at him.

"I wish you wouldn't have to do this" he gently holds my hand.

"Me too. But better me than Max, or anyone else" I say laying my head on his shoulder, I always found comfort in this. We've been friends since I started driving the kids back and forth when they had Hellfire, so we got closer. Sometimes I feel like there's more, but whenever anything could happen he backs down so I'm never sure how he feels.

"It would be better to send Harrington. Maybe he could distract him with his hair, make good use of it for once" he jokes.

"Don't be mean," I say with a chuckle. He always knows how to cheer me up. "He might give him lessons on how to style it properly" I joke too.

I look at Steve driving.

Steve...

Steve, on the other hand, I met him when he and Nancy started dating, so of course he was always in the way. I didn't mind it honestly, he turned out to be not that much of a dick. Then he just got better, especially thanks to Dustin's friendship, but here things get complicated. When he worked at Scoops Ahoy with Robin he always flirted with me as I went to visit Robin during my breaks at the music store at Starcourt, at first I thought he was his way of joking. The moment I realised he wasn't joking I also realised I didn't mind it at all. I wanted him to flirt and I wanted to flirt back.

So... I realised I like, have some sort of feeling for two guys... at the same time.

Complicated.

"We're here" Steve announces parking the van in a secluded area to keep Eddie, Dustin and Lucas away from the people of Hawkins.

-----------

The store is huge.

"So much for avoiding angry hicks" Robin comments.

"Let's be... fast" Nancy suggests and we all agree.

Nancy and I go check out the shotguns they sell.

"How much?" Nancy asks the seller.

"$120.99, but I'll throw in 20 rounds of buckshot for ya," he tells us and I just nod at Nancy.

"Not bad," I whisper to her and she agrees.

While we keep looking Nancy hands me the weapon, but then I hear a familiar voice.

"Hey, can I see this real pretty .357, please?"

"Oh shit" I comment and Nancy quickly looks behind me and turns around just as quickly.

"You go. I got this" I tell her.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, just try to warn the other to keep an eye out for his goons. They must be around here too" I nod and she walks away, but that must've caught Jason's eyes because he then speaks directly at me.

"Look at that... What are you doing here?" He asks.

"Oh you know" I start turning around to face him, "they say there's a killer on the loose... gotta be prepared."

"Aren't you the freak's bitch?" He harshly asks.

"It's really sad you can't recognise what a friend looks like" I mock him, keeping a serious expression.

I see his jaw clenching hard, my words hit the target. He relaxes his face and takes a breath and just looks at me, in a way that makes a shiver run down my spine.

"It's a real pity" he then says.

"Yeah, it is. It means you never had an actual friend in your life" I say with a fake pout on my face.

He just laughs humourless.

"No, babe. A real pity is how you ruined yourself by hanging out with the freak" he walks closer.

"Oh no... you think I ruined myself?" I ask with fake shock, then I just smile "thank god. If having good friends instead of assholes like you ruined me... glad to be ruined, sir"

"You were really pretty, you know. I mean, you kind of still are... I'd gladly help you find the right way back." He... flirts..?

Oh now I'm gonna get sick

"Wow... your girlfriend died not long ago and you're already harassing another girl... just wow." I laugh sarcastically "see? That's what makes Eddie so much better than you"

"What would your father say, uh? I don't think Hopper would be happy about it" he suddenly says.

Oh... he didn't just mention my father, did he?

Now it's my turn to clench my jaw, he notices and smiles proudly.

"You wash that fucking mouth before talking about my father because you. Know. Shit." I tell him, walking up to him.

"Want my advice?" He asks completely ignoring me.

"No"

"Shotguns are not good for much of anything past killing small birds," he tells me, eyes focused on mine "I mean, they got power, sure, but not much range. And that's just gonna force you into close-range combat, then someone can easily redirect it by grabbing that barrel, like this.."

He suddenly moves to grab the barrel, but I'm faster, stepping back and moving the shotgun out of his reach earning a surprised expression from him.

"Keep talking about shit you clearly know nothing about and I might just show you what my father would say" I warn him and walk away.

I go pay for the stuff I got and reunite with the others as we walk back to the van.

"Remind me, please, not to make you angry?" Robin tells me with a proud smirk.

"You could never"

"That was... I gotta say... quite hot" Steve tells me pleasantly surprised.

I just wink at him, and we all hurry to get in the vehicle and just rush off before anyone could see us.

We quickly rush into the RV.

"What happened?" Lucas immediately asks.

"We gotta go" Steve cuts him off.

"Your old friends are here" Erica informs her brother.

Steve starts the vehicle, immediately driving away as soon as the last of us get in.

I move to the back with Dustin and Lucas.

"So.." Dustin starts.

I look at him, waiting for him to continue.

"Yes?" I urge him on.

"When are you gonna talk to them?" He asks.

"To who?" Lucas asks, suddenly interested.

"Eddie and Steve" Dustin immediately answers and I roll my eyes "C'mon! It's clear as the day you feel something for them, the both of them and they feel the same."

"It's more complicated than you think, Dusty," I tell him softly.

"It's not." Lucas interjects "I mean, Eddie kept worrying about you the whole time you all were in there. I mean very worried. Very."

"Yeah. And you didn't see the look Steve had when you volunteered to bait Vecna" Dustin adds.

"Yeah... I told you. Complicated" I tell them to drop the subject, so I just lean my head back and try to think of something else.

I have no idea what will happen.

I keep thinking about how this is real. I was there. I saw myself there in that lab, with Vecna, Henry or whoever the fuck he is. How is that possible? Is it some kind of trap?

What scares me the most is that I have this feeling it's not a trap. It's all true.

[yellowhollyhock]

because I'm the shield

I was trying to write a little scene between rise Raph and Mikey since his overprotectiveness is something they've argued about. But that's turning out slower than I expected and will have to be for another time--maybe will fit a different prompt when it's done, who knows.

I've been rewatching some of 2003 season 4 and having feelings about shield Raph.

Fight scenes do show a lot of him throwing himself between his brothers and physical harm. But season 4, with the family relationships strained, highlights something else, which is Raph shielding his brothers from Master Splinter and each other. Especially Leo.

I learned from the tmnt fandom that sai is meant to defend against sword. And that's so fitting for these two.

Raph defending his brothers from Master Splinter mostly looks like being the loudest and most openly rebellious to draw attention away from (honestly mostly Leo and Donnie) blatantly doing what they're not supposed to do (like traveling to an alternate dimension without telling anyone or fighting the Foot alone. Seriously they call him and Mikey the impulsive ones??). And Splinter isn't a danger to the turtles, he is very loving in 03, but his opinion matters to them and Raph makes himself the squeaky wheel so the others can stay squeaky clean.

But about Leo. Two things going on season 4: Raph is (trying to) protect Leo from his own inner thoughts, verbally replying to his anxieties with positives or neutrals; and Raph is on guard to keep Leo off Don and Mikey's case.

I just watched Aliens Among Us and found it especially sweet when they're all on the roof to watch the President how Raph and Leo interact. Leo is upset with Don and Mikey for fooling around, and says out loud that by even coming to watch they 'may as well ask to be dissected.' (Because it's gonna be a Bishop episode so Leo obviously has to foreshadow that. They just had Bad Day, they will not watch as the various enemies their memories pulled from do in fact torment them.) Anyway, it's the way he keeps a pretty calm, almost lighthearted tone while he talks Leo down from his catastraphizing, drawing attention away from his other brothers who were getting yelled at in the process. And this is just an example of how Raph acts this season.

side note, I adore how these two specifically could be talking about their favorite flavor of potato chips and look like they're plotting a murder. This is a picture of Raph getting as close as he can to physically beating up Leo's inner demons.

Another small moment in this episode that I loved: Raph grabbing Leo by the shoulder with, "Whoa, where are you going? Don't you think we need a plan?" and Leo's plan is 'take out every alien we see.' This is not a Leo at the top of his game, in spite of what he told Splinter last episode about 'doing whatever it takes to protect this family.' Raph knows it. He and Leo have different strengths and different approaches, but he knows a healthy Leo would be analyzing the situation, briefing them all on what they should most likely be prepared for and what information they lack that everyone should keep an eye out for. Leo is an analyst, that's one of his greatest strengths. And he's not doing that.

it's literally like 'hey bro are you okay? you've barely picked apart the enemy's battle strategy or lurked in the shadows.' Leo isn't doing the things he loves and Raph notices.

Also speaking of Bad Day. Here's a picture of Raph telling Donny it's not his fault.

Again he looks like he's plotting murder but he is actually speaking in the softest sweetest voice to his stressed out little brother. This is a turtle who just watched his best friends get blown up by people who were looking for him and his family.

That is all ❤️

[frecklystars]

I have no idea if I should come back online or not. I've been offline since. my god, what. fucking April? May?? My queue only has like 10 posts so I should refill that but tbh I don't see a point if I don't really feel anything. I am just a husk, I can't enjoy anything, I am just so numb all the fucking time. I have been doing so bad and nothing is helping and I am so fucking miserable when I can't self ship. I'm in pain all the time and I need my F/Os to help me get through the day but that's so hard when I look at them and watch the movies and feel absolutely nothing. I tried watching a bunch of ryan interviews/movies/shows for the last couple of weeks and there is just. nothing

September is my bday month and every year I try really hard to be extra gentle with myself. and I originally planned to stay offline for the entire month bc I just, I don't wanna fucking be here. I hate being on this hellsite. I hate feeling pressured to get back to so many people when my energy is so low. I don't find any joy scrolling through my dashboard. I don't find joy in making edits or drawing anymore. I don't enjoy my time on here anymore bc I cannot find joy in self shipping anymore. But I don't go a day without going into fight or flight mode, or having a nightmare or a flashback, or stress vomiting, there is always something, and my Ryan F/Os were really helping me get through it for at least a year, but now it's like... the last 4 months I've just felt nothing and I feel so utterly miserable

I can't afford a cptsd therapist anymore but I try to see my regular therapist once a month if I can afford it, and she said it's best for me to try to get back online at least once in a while, bc I'm just... rotting in my room and then going to work at both of my jobs and then coming home and missing my F/Os, unable to cope with triggers since I'm not able to self ship, and just rotting again. My sleep schedule is so fucked up bc of my nightmares/panic attacks I've had every night for nearly two years. I get zero to three hours of sleep every night for the last two years. I'm exhausted all the time and! it makes sense that I'm doing poorly bc your brain makes serotonin when you're sleeping! and if I'm literally never sleeping then ofc I'm not gonna have the stupid happy chemical in my stupid brain. and I'm not eating every day since I am trying so hard to save money, and skipping meals is obviously bad for your brain too, and I'm not socializing as regularly bc I'm so goddamn depressed. so my therapist said I should try to be online again even if it's just once a week, just to make F/O edits or something. fake it til you make it, try to build that habit again. but that feels so hard! I am so numb here! and I have so many bad memories associated with the abuse I've endured that I can't log into this hellsite without just feeling so fucking awful.

I am so tired of living in fight or flight mode and getting shaky from adrenaline rushes all the time and i'm so tired of not feeling like I can trust the people around me because of how much bullshit I've had to go through in the last two years of people purposefully being kind to me in order to betray my trust and manipulate me. I really wish I could publicly talk about what happened to me. I really wish I could publicly tell you all every single little thing that I have been put through in the last 2 years. I wish I could tell you who's doing it and I wish I could post everything... obviously not for witch hunt purposes, but just so people can know what's going on and idk help me, send me support, tell me "hey it's gonna be okay" literally anything, or at the very least just so I can warn you how fucked up a group of people are and say "hey don't interact with these people I've had to actually call the police on them bc they're Fucking Insane". but I refuse to talk about my situation publicly because it won't do anything but cause drama, it will make things worse in the long run, so I stay in my own lane, I just fucking sit here, I never talk bad about anybody anywhere even in private, I never name drop, I am just trying so hard to exist and stay in my corner.

I've been so paranoid for 4 months now bc of all of the stalking I've been put thru in the last two years. I don't trust people, and it bled into self shipping so I feel like I can't trust my F/Os. I know F/Os aren't real yeah yeah I know they're fictional, but idk how else to explain it. Think of the worst possible thing someone can do to you. anything you can think of; I have been thru it. online abuse and offline abuse. my F/Os got tied into that. I was conditioned to believe that these things that were happening to me would be my F/O's desires as well. that they'd want to abuse me the same way because they love me. that I am their "most special person" and that they'd feel an "urge to hurt me". especially if I was in a skirt. especially if I looked scared. blah blah blah all this shit I was told for months and months. endured in real time and then told my F/Os would want to do the same exact thing to me because they love me. that I am only loved through violence and manipulation. because of all of this I've been put through, I genuinely believe I am only capable of being loved if it's through violence whether this is IRL or with F/Os, and anyone who is being kind to me is secretly out to get me. this is such an awful way to live and I don't know how to stop thinking like this. I don't know how to shake it off. I'm so tired.

I want to stop having an immediate stress reaction, my brain spiking my blood with adrenaline saying "you're in danger!! you're gonna die!! you're gonna die!! you need to run!!" every time I see a stupid fictional robot, or certain clothes, or colors, or. whatever. I am so sick of it. It is exhausting dealing with so much stress and anxiety every single day!! every second that you're alive!! I cannot put into words how fucking terrible it feels!!! it isn't just a "eh this happens every once in a while if I just see my trigger" thing, it's a "I feel this every goddamn second that I am awake and even when I am asleep bc I'm having nightmares about it" !!! it's hard!! it sucks! it's hard!! I can't function if I don't have my F/Os and I don't have my F/Os anymore, not in the same way. I don't feel anything for my Ryan F/Os at all right now. Barbie doesn't make me feel safe anymore bc I don't feel anything when I look at her. I can't look at pink and think "ooh barbie pink" and try to get over that trigger. I just see pink and feel tense and like I wanna throw up. I don't see Barbie as a protector anymore bc I'm so numb. I don't see Barbie as a girl's girl who would look out for me, I see her as a potential abuser. I hate this. I miss her so bad. I miss feeling safe with F/Os. I am trying really hard to get that Ryan/Barbie hyperfixation train going again but I don't know how to do that when I am so miserable. I don't know where to start. am I supposed to fake it til I make it? draw and edit and listen to music and just try?? or do I just?? watch the movies? it's not working. but even if it's not working do I just keep doing it anyways? it's like there's a brick wall in front of me and anything throwing love/joy in my direction just hits the wall and I can't absorb it.

So anyway I'm sorry to rant. I've only slept 6 hours total in the last 7 days so my brain is like. suffocating. i'm probably almost done talking. being offline hasn't helped me feel better. I think isolating myself is, uh. not good. but I really don't have the energy for dms. I can try to answer maybe like... 3 asks a week if I push myself. I feel so bad that so so so so so many people reach out to me and I just don't answer. I don't do it on purpose I just genuinely have zero energy, or if someone sends a nice ask, in the back of my head I'm always thinking "nope this is a trap. I shouldn't engage with this" and like, what if it's not a trap? what if it's genuinely just someone trying to be nice to me? I don't trust it. i hate walking on eggshells. i hate that someone can send me "hi keri have a nice day :)" and my brain is like "ah this person is spending one whole entire year pretending to be my friend so they can betray me. they're secretly on the side of [abuser] so they can try to hurt me. don't trust!!!" like. hello. i hate that i've had experiences like that, so now any person who contacts me is automatically a "possible threat" ??? it is exhausting living like that. it's hurting me. i don't think this way on purpose! i am not trying to feed/fuel these thoughts. i have a literal stress disorder. this is part of the stupid complex post traumatic stress disorder. i am! stressed! to the point of this hurting me and i am unable to function! and! idk how to fix it. it's like someone planted poisonous seeds in my brain for 2 years that have sprouted into ugly huge trees and I can't cut them down. because the bark is too strong. or something. and now there's just poison in my head that I don't know how to get rid of.

ok sorry for rambling, I don't know if I am coming back online or not. I am supposed to! I should! I really should! but I really genuinely hate this hellsite after everything i've been put through. i never enjoy my time here anymore. but also my birthday is coming up and I deserve to enjoy my birthday. I want to enjoy it. I want to get better so bad, and if being online and making edits and drawing pictures is supposed to help with that then I will try. at least a little. I want to enjoy my birthday so bad dude. i hate my birthday, I have hated my birthday for years, but this year I am so... hurt, I feel like an open bleeding wound that cannot heal, and I want to be so gentle to myself this year. I want to eat apple pie at a diner and wear my drive scorpion jacket even if im numb the whole time. I want to go to the movies and bring my barbies with me even if im numb the whole time. I want to go rock climbing. I want to eat soft serve ice cream and not feel guilty. I want to learn how to watercolor paint even if i'm gonna suck at it at first. I have 3 F/O anniversaries coming up. K on the 1st, Driver on the 18th, Lars on the 26th. I should enjoy these days. I am not looking forward to any of it. I am just. numb. but I need to try. I cannot just sit here and tell myself it's hopeless. but then again I don't have energy to do anything other than that. but whatever, I will try even if it's just, like, one single day this month where I post art or answer one (1) ask. like literally anything I will push myself to do anything I want to get better SO bad

I'm gonna fill up my queue now, I'm sorry if it seemed messy the last month, I haven't checked it. I used to always organize my queue every day to post certain amounts on certain days, time it accordingly, make everything look all nice and pretty, but I haven't done that. I don't even know if ppl notice that kind of thing or not, I think it just makes me feel better personally when I know my blog is organized. I want to try to answer one or two inbox messages every once in a while. if I don't get to your asks or dms, I'm sorry, it is nothing personal I swear to god I literally am just a zombie right now barely alive and I am trying so hard to just. survive 😭

I love u. I'm sorry my tone in this whole thing comes off very bitter, I am genuinely just fighting to stay alive one day at a time for years and years and years and the cptsd made everything so unbearable and i feel like every single second im alive is such a struggle. I hate being so negative all the time I promise I am clawing my way out of hell to try to fix it even though it hurts the whole time. i want to get better not just for myself but also because i feel so bad that i make vent posts so often. i miss self shipping. im gonna stop here or im gonna spiral even worse. goodnight/goodbye ill touch base later

[winterfergerart]

So I'm gonna make a personal kind of post here. TW for death in the family and my own post-covid symptoms.

Last year my grandfather died. He was the man who raised me, so he was more like a father than a grandfather. As he was getting close to death I was asking my family if there was going to be an inheritance which, I specifically said at the time, I need to know so that I can know what to do about my SSI disability and plan ahead.

People just said I'd get a 'tidy sum' or 'deferred comp' at best. No steady numbers. So without knowing what I'd be getting I had no way to prepare. I think they just thought I was being greedy and wanted to know selfishly. Not that I needed regular medical coverage.

He died without having said anything about being proud of me, but the family found a box of all my pictures growing up in his closet. Other people too, but mostly me, and I didn't know what to do with that because he never really said that he was proud of me or anything.

Because of that his death hit me really hard. Like, the entire span of his slow decline, from the year before to the day he died, I kind of withdrew from a bunch of my friends. Years ago someone put it in my head that wanting help when you're troubled is manipulative so I took it to heart. I pulled away from a bunch of people that made me happy because I didn't want to stress them out with my problems. I pulled back from my hobbies 'cause I didn't trust myself to engage anymore. I was hurting too much.

After he passed, other than a few people, I was all alone.

I received notification concerning my inheritance in December and I filled out the paperwork in early January, specifically requesting that I be given some time to prepare before receiving payments. They didn't listen. So I had to get off SSI, lost my insurance, had to loosely plan to buy some. It's not a lot of money, but it is too much to recieve public assistance.

But I thought, maybe I can do something that makes me less dependent on the government now. I can get married. Maybe I can go back to school. Maybe I can start a small jewelry and miniatures business. Maybe I can invest. Maybe I can start volunteering at domestic violence shelters.

Then two months ago, I caught Covid for the first time in 4 years.

The S.O.? Oh he was fine. It seemed like a bad cold. But me, first it was the fever, and then my lungs deteriorated for two weeks. Doctor round one? "It's a Covid cough, it's expected." Doctor round two? "Yeah, Covid cough can go on for a while. Here's sudafed and cough pills."

It took my blood oxygen to drop into dangerous levels (90%) for anyone to take me seriously. And despite that doctor trying so hard and giving me great meds, I just had a massive relapse and today I'm struggling to breathe again. I'm sitting here crying and coughing up chunks of god knows what. All this being paid out of pocket, because I don't have insurance and no one listened to me. About the inheritance, about the deferred comp, about the insurance, about how badly my lungs were doing post-Covid.

I had been exercising every single day for two years. I was actually starting to lose weight. I was so proud of myself. Now that's all been set back. I was gonna get married. But SSI is holding me in this sort of limbo where I'm not covered but I'm also not free.

I miss my support system. I've loosely tried to reach out but I've not been very good at it because I always sucked at social anyway. I'm sorry that I threw it away while it felt like I could only radiate badness and loss. If any of you are still out there I miss you and I'm sorry I abandoned you. I thought I was doing us both favors and we'd be better off without each other. So I'm throwing it out there that either I'd love to hear from you again, if you're still watching this account, or please just know I'm sorry I let you down.

PS. I don't want money. I just want to see a bright spot again when every time I get ahead I get knocked back.

[hvllowheart]

hi! regarding your last post about abandoning projects, do you have any advice for overcoming that?

I do!

1. Write something you're passionate about.

Now, I get that everyone constantly says that, and you'll think, "that tells me absolutely nothing" bc passion can only get you so far and usually fluctuates a lot. It's something I've started to realize happens to me. One day I wake up and have a new idea I love and think "wow this is gonna be a piece of cake to finish" despite me knowing it's going to entail a lot of planning and once I get the inital idea out of the way and get to that planning stage my attention for the project... dies.

What I mean with that is to write something you're passionate about is that you shouldn't write something into the project you feel like others will like. Or if it's a project with tropes in it, that you have to follow those to the T.

If an idea is boring, don't write it.

If you have a cool idea that might not fit the vibe entirely, write it down. Keep it in mind for later when it could fit the vibe better.

Incorporate as many things you love as you like and then worry about how the broader plot can shape around them.

2. Don't write in order of what's supposed to happen.

I know it'll make you feel better to feel like you have a clear point A to B but truth is, some parts are going to be extremely boring to write. You won't want to write all about the logistics of a scene happening right that moment or the spicy dialogue that carries the scene bc you're way more focused on another detail that drew you to write a particular scene.

In those cases, I usually just put whatever is supposed to happen in brackets [insert car chase here] and move on the bits I'm excited to get to. You might wake up a couple of days later thinking you want to revisit that car chase scene and write it all in one go now that you've stopped obsessing over a different scene you cared for before.

3. Make the experience more fun for yourself.

If you feel like you're burning out and losing steam from writing and planning the project, take a step back and do something else.

If I still feel like doing something with the project that isn't necessarily write it, I tend to end up making edits or a playlist or looking for inspiration pictures that might give me an idea of a new setting or what a character will look like. And that's what usually keeps my brain working and thinking about the plot.

As soon as another idea pops into my head bc of the space I took not writing the projects itself, I write it down and get reinspired to work on it.

4. Look for inspiration.

As mentioned in 3., I can't recommend enough to look for inspiration in pictures or boards on pinterest or a song or a quote you really love. Trust me, seeing a cool picture or reading a quote that immediately makes you think of a specific character makes you itch to get back to writing.

It also allows your writing to grow when you take the time to look for inspiration. Writing everything in one go might make you feel productive but the quality could potentially decline the longer you're at it and when you come back to it you'll ask yourself what the hell you were on writing some of the stuff. So taking that time, finding new locations/side characters/some dialogue snippets you could incorporate, will make you feel excited to actually see those ideas and inspirations become part of your project.

5. Take breaks.

This is another one of those things you always hear and think, "that's what leads me to abandon it in the first place??" and while I agree (been there) It's also important not to get burned out by the project.

The breaks shouldn't span entire weeks, of course, but don't beat yourself up when you can't get to the project for a couple of days bc of life happening or something else being more interesting.

Taking those breaks ensures you not only build anticipation, but it also let's the project breathe and allows you the space, to again, think of the broader plot or a specific scene that could be cool to incorporate.

6. Find someone to talk about the project with.

In our day and age, we're lucky to have such big writer communities. Chances are, someone out there will get aboslute brain rot from the project you're working on. Talking to people like that will not only allow you to have someone to bounce ideas off of, but it'll also keep you focused and in a way, hold you accountable to actually see it get to a point you can and want to share more.

Starting up a WIP blog, like the one I and many others have, or a writerblr blog will attract people to the idea and have them reach out to ask questions that again keep you thinking about fun parts of the project and develope the idea.

I have a friend I constantly talk to about every idea he and I get. Not all of them ever see the light of day, but we talk about them, send ideas we think could be cool, and write small snippets of scenes bc we are excited about the project. That not only gets you to a starting point, but also makes the planning way smoother and means you're getting instant feedback.

And that's what usually gets you to write more instead of watching your project collect dust in the drafts.

7. Write every single idea down.

This is also something everyone says, but it's true. Chances are, you forget the idea and kick yourself for it later or you think it won't be as good as you imagine it and then you have a missing scene you don't know what to do with where that idea could have fit.

Sometimes, usually just before bed for me, I get ideas, and since I have my phone close by, I just open the notes app, write down the snippet of a conversation I just thought of or a cool detail I'll add when I get back to the file and BOOM I have the next plot point figured out without actively forcing myself to sit in front of the computer and thinking "what is supposed to happen now??"

Even if the idea is silly or seems wack, I can't recommend writing it down enough. You'll thank yourself for it and in a way train yourself into passively thinking about what could happen next.

I have a dedicated page in my files just for random ideas I got in the middle of the night and while some will not make it into the draft itself, it's still fun to think about them or even write a short scene involving the idea just to see where it goes. Maybe it'll inspire you to take your project into a new exciting direction, too!

8. Don't obsess over word counts/progress made.

It's a recent shift I've noticed, where people obsessively focus on how long a scene/chapter is. Like one being 5k long means it's somehow better than a scene that's only a couple hundred words long, but concise and has the kind of structure that keeps you engaged.

If you feel like a scene is done and you're happy with it, even if it's short, leave it. Maybe you'll come back to it and add more, but maybe you'll realize it's perfect the way it is and doesn't need unnecessary details added.

9. Don't get lost in the details.

This is something I've neen prone to do. Obsessing over a single detail or scene to the point that working on it becomes exhausting because I couldn't move on.

It's what kills your drive to write on the project fairly quickly and relates to the point I made to just put whatever is supposed to happen in brackets to revisit later.

The details are usually what make the story feel personalized, but it's also so easy to get lost in them. Writing the broader scene down and revisiting it sometime later to add those details is going to keep you writing and engaged with what you want to make the project into.

10. It's YOUR project, don't forget that.

Sometimes I've started things I thought were fics or stories I'd love to explore only to realize I'm not the best writer for those or that the writing part just isn't as fun as I hoped it could be.

You need to be aware of when to cut your losses. If the project starts to feel more like a drag than what you initially started with, scrap it OR, and this is something I've started to seriously do, is to rewrite/re-plot it from the beginning.

It is time-consuming, but you'll feel better for it in the long run if you take the bits you like and forget the ones you don't and build the project anew. It's tedious but really rewarding once you manage to get to the parts that were there before discouraging you from finishing the project in the first place. And the most important thing is that you're happy with your project.

♡

Of course, what works for me might not work for others, but those are some of the broader things I can recommend you try :) I hope I was able to help a little!

[spinnysocks]

incorrect lion guard as snapcube quotes

if you haven't watched snapcube then i'm sorry if this is really out of context LMAO but that's kinda the point :)

Makucha: See ya, cheetah!

Fuli: Huh? He's faster than Fuli. He's faster than Fuli. What?

Janja, annoyed: What is it this time Ushari?

Ushari: Janja, you found my You're A Bitch Degree!

Janja, after one of Scar's meetings: ...Something just happened.

Nduli: When was the last time you washed your paws? I haven't washed mine in four days. I've also been eating rocks-

Tamka: Rocks?! Nuh uh uh, that's not food!

Nduli: What about grass-

*Butterfly lands on Tamka's nose* Tamka: This is food Nduli!

Nduli: It's beautiful, I love your new hat! I'm gonna name him.. Mwamba!

*Butterfly starts flying away*

Tamka: You scared it away! :(

Nduli: Bye Mwamba! :)

Tamka: Bye Mwamba..

Janja: Hey, you know what this place looks like? Looks like the Pridelands! *starts singing Tonight We Strike*

Janja, to the skinks: Are you in on this conspiracy to?!

Shupavu: Everything is a conspiracy, haven't you ever seen the Circle of Life?

Janja: Wh-What?!

*waiting for Scar's meeting*

Reirei: Are we just doing this now? A bunch of assholes standing in a line? Congratulations!

Janja: Ah fuck, she got us there guys. Well.............

Ushari, while Janja's Clan are hysterically laughing: Alright, I think we need to figure out what we're going to do about this-

Kenge: It's not important that we lost! Look at who's responsible! *points at Janja*

Janja, pointing up: I'll point at you also.

Kenge: I'm not the sky, hyena.

Janja: We're doing Nne's plan? We're all agreeing that Nne came up with this right?

Cheezi: Yeah... 2, 3, 4, 5, 6- Here we go! :D

Janja to Reirei: Sorry that sounded like I wanted to kill you, I didn't mean that. *whispering to everyone else* I do wanna kill her don't fucking tell- I don't wanna kill you, don't worry! I wanna kill her so fucking bad! I didn't say anything to them just now. You know what I said! I-I gotta go, uh, think about some stuff!-

*Battle for the Pridelands in a nutshell*

Scar: Heyyyyy~ What's uppppp?~ It's meeeeeeeee~

Kion: STOP! >:(

Scar: I don't know how to impress upon you that you cannot defeat me.

The Guard: Kion!

Scar: Oh, your friends are here!

The Guard: We're here to help you!

Scar: It's really cute that you're going to defeat me with the power of friendship and all, but then again I am Scar from the Lion King, so-

Kion: You didn't let me finish, Scar!

Scar: Mhm, go ahead.

Kion: I have-

Scar: Yes, yes, yes, yes. I don't care. I do not care! You don't understand. I came back here to destroy the Pridelands. This means nothing to me! Alright? You mean nothing to me! You and your little friends are fucking annoying! This is why I stayed down in lion hell. This is why I punish Pridelanders. I'm the good guy! Do you not realise? I am the good guy here! I am the true King of the Pridelands! Mufasa goes up and he plays with all his little friends like "Oh look, are you watching over the Pridelands?" Yeah, whatever. Fuck everybody.

Kion: Ah!

Scar: I get to kill people! I get to command my army all day! It's great, give me the Pridelands! You don't get it. You watch your stupid little privileges. Fuck you. Idiot.

*The Guard yells*

Scar: Go to hell! *makes the volcano erupt* Look, I can do this! Anytime I want! This is nothing to me! You are nothing to me! I hate you! I HATE YOU! THIS IS MY BIG FUCKING VOLCANO!

Bunga: Oh my god, he's fucking losing it entirely!

Chungu & Cheezi: All around me are familiar faces, work out places, worn out places- IS THAT WHAT A HOUSE LOOKS LIKE? Oh my stars! This place is amazing! Where am I, the Pridelands?...... Worn out places~ (thanks to @devilsrecreation for that one 😭)

feel free to reblog with additions, there's too many quotes to put in here </3

[genericpuff]

Winter is Coming - Rekindled schedule adjustment and plans for next year!

So it's that time of year now when conventions, markets, and expos for next year are rolling out their submission periods. So far I've gotten accepted to attend the Atlantic Entertainment Expo again (both venues so two shows), MiraCon, and I'm gonna be attending not one, not two, but THREE tattoo expos ! Which is definitely a lot, but I'm excited, it's gonna be good publicity and good money :' ) I'm also gonna be applying to HalCon, Geekquinox, and Animaritimes again, I didn't get in on HalCon this year and didn't find out about Geekquinox until submissions were done (and I only got in on Animaritimes at the last minute when they were looking for people to fill in) but if I do get into any (or all) of those, I'll have to play the fun game of "make sure none of these events land on the same weekend" LMAO

All that's to say, it's gonna be busy next year! (and all of those are the ones I actually decided to apply to, there are ones I did this past year that I'm not planning on doing again because they just didn't turn out to be as good as I had hoped). Thankfully, none of this is starting up until spring, so I'm gonna enjoy the winter off and get to work on new stuff to sell. I'm really eager to get through the rest of [AFTERBIRTH], it's still got quite some time until it's done but my plan is to pitch Thread of Fate to publishers once [AFTERBIRTH] is finished - and if it's not able to get in with those publishers, then I'm gonna pursue other means in getting it published, either digitally or traditionally. Time Gate is a series I've been working on for well over a decade of my life, and it's not something I want to keep throwing to the wolves of free-to-read platforms like WT. As much as I love being able to offer it for free, I want it to be taken more seriously than being just another free to read comic and that starts with me and how I choose to distribute it.

Right now working on all these things is sort of limiting due to the fact that I'm stuck on my iPad, but I'm making it work as best I can and I'm hoping to have the new PC setup going by the end of the year running with a new tablet (currently shopping around between an XP-pen and Huion, I don't want to get a Kamvas 22 Plus again if it's gonna shit the bed in 2 years like this one did, apparently this is a common problem from what I've seen :/)

So yeah, with all that in mind, I'm planning on adjusting Rekindled's update schedule. While I did initially want to offer a poll for y'all to choose between "shorter updates once a week" and "full updates once every 2 weeks", frankly I'm erring more towards the "every two weeks" one because it'll give me more actual time and room to work on everything else. Not to mention (and I'm sure you've all noticed by now) that I have a very specific way that I structure many of these episodes so making them shorter would sort of ruin that rhythm. I don't want to be sacrificing the comic's quality, pacing, or narrative progression for a schedule adjustment.

This isn't going to be an immediate change, I'm thinking of doing this sometime in December so that y'all can have a decent amount of heads up before the switch. I know it's gonna be a little painful to go to a slower release schedule but ultimately I think it's the best way to go so that I can balance all of the projects I have going on without sacrificing quality. Rekindled may be a free to read non-profit project, but I still hold myself to high standards and I want to do my best to deliver on those standards !

Thank you all so much for your patience and support. It seriously blows me away to see all of the wonderful comments, asks, and support for what I do here every day. I'm gonna do my best as well to respond to asks in my inbox as they come in, but please just know I get a LOT of them on a regular basis, it's sort of a Hydra situation where I respond to 1 or 2 and then get 4 more LOL That said, rest assured that I do read and appreciate each and every one of them <3 That also includes essay posts about LO, with LO returning in November I'll surely have more stuff to say about it so I'm gonna try and keep up as best I can :' )

On a final note, we're coming up to the one year anniversary of when I started posting actual episodes of Rekindled!! I'm so excited for this, I can't believe it's been a year!! And I have so much awesome stuff planned for the story that we're gonna see throughout the next year, I can't wait! Thanks so much for being a part of this project with me, I couldn't have asked for a better audience <3

(P.S. everything I have lined up for next year is lining up with the dry period for FF XIV between Endwalker and Dawntrail so I won't have distractions until the summer LMAOO)

[ahgasegotarmy116]

Still With You | A Jeon Jungkook Series | Chapter 4

Summary: You go out with Jimin to a cute cafe called Bora before you meet up with Jungkook Pairing: Luna (reader) x Jungkook and Jimin, f2l love triangle Word Count: 4.4k~ a/n: I haven't updated this story in a while and idk why lol I've had it finished for a while but I guess here you go lmao. Hope you enjoy! Start from the beginning

Today has been nothing short of exhausting, both mentally and physically. Grey is coming in later today and Sunghoon had to leave early so I've been on my own for most of the day.

Unfortunately my uncle has left me with the task of deep cleaning the store tonight so that alone has been keeping me busy as well as the heavier than usual traffic that's been coming through today. 

Grey should be here in an hour though so I just need to pull through until then. I haven't been able to take a break yet today so I'm definitely gonna take a longer one when she finally shows up. The customers today haven't been too bad but just their existence is putting me in a bad mood, worse than most days and I'm not exactly sure why.

"I really need to get a new job" I say under my breath. "What kind of job are you looking for Noona?" I hear right behind me. I jump at the unexpected response and turn around to figure out who the voice belongs to. "Jimin you scared me!" I say while punching him in the shoulder not realizing I had done so until I see his reaction. 

"Oh my gosh I'm sorry I didn't mean to!" I say with a slightly panicked expression. "It's okay Noona I deserved it" he responds while rubbing his shoulder at the point of contact. "Are you sure you're okay? It was kind of an automatic response" I say giving him a once over. "I'm fine don't worry about it" he responds while getting ahold of my hand. 

I jolt slightly at the unexpected contact and look up at him with a questioning gaze. "Just make it up to me when we hang out later tonight okay?" he says with a slightly flirtatious tone. "Oh um okay? How should I do that?" I ask, curious as to what he might be implying. "I'm sure you'll figure something out" he says while letting go of my hand.

"So um" I pause clearing my throat, getting rid of the slightly flustered tone to my whole demeanor. "What are you doing here?" I question while walking back behind the counter.

"I just wanted to check in again and make sure that we are still on for tonight" he says following me to the opposite side. "Oh tonight, yeah I should be fine to hang out tonight" I respond trying to get the words out before I get a chance to trip over them. 

"Okay great! So is eight thirty still okay?" he questions. "Yes eight thirty should be fine" I confirm. "So I'll see you then!" he says excitement clearly written all over his face. "Yeah but, did you need anything else?" I question trying to figure out the reason behind his extra visit today. "Nope I just wanted to confirm our plans for tonight" he says leaning his body up against the counter. 

"You could've just texted me" I say shaking my head at his eagerness. "I know but I just wanted to see you before then" he says with a slight pout. "Okay well you've seen me, but I really have to get back to work now. I'll see you tonight okay?" I say hoping he'll take a hint and start to head out. "Okay Noona see you tonight" he says and makes his way out with a slight smile.

Just as he's leaving Grey finally makes her way into the store as well. "Wasn't that Jimin?" she questions immediately after walking up to the counter. "Nice to see you too Grey" I say rolling my eyes at her. "Yeah yeah whatever now can you please tell me what he was doing here? I thought he wasn't supposed to come until later on tonight" she says slightly confused. 

"I guess he just wanted to come by and confirm our plans in person" I say while waving it off hoping to change the subject. "He could've just texted you" she responds. "That's exactly what I said but he just said that he wanted to see me before then" I say still trying to make sense of it all. 

"He just seems oddly clingy already and I'm not exactly sure how I feel about it" I respond honestly. "Well I'm glad we're on the same page. I just hope tonight you can set some boundaries with him. Even Jungkook doesn't show up everyday and he's your best friend" she says making sense of the steps I should take.

"Okay but what am I supposed to say? 'Hey it's nice of you to come by to see me but I don't really want you to do it all the time.' Isn't that a bit harsh?" I question trying to figure out what I should say. "I mean not really, you've gotta protect yourself you know. You don't want this to turn into something unhealthy" she warns. 

"You mean like a stalker? I don't think he's like that" I say hoping to throw away her doubts about him along with mine. "Yeah maybe you're right, but just be careful alright? I don't want to have to call the police and have them looking for you because you never came back tonight" she warns. 

"Okay I got it. I'll make sure to bring my pepper spray with me and stay somewhere well lit. Will that make you happy?" I say hoping to switch topics.

"Yeah I guess, just don't get murdered. Lord knows your uncle would have my head if something were to happen to you" she says while heading back into the break room to put her stuff away and grab her vest and name tag.

Once she comes back I get up to switch places with her so I can take my well earned breaks. "Where are you going?" she asks as she watches me take off my vest.

"Sunghoon had to leave early so I haven't had a chance to take a break yet. I'm gonna take my first and second break together okay? I'll stay back there in case you need me, but try not to need me" I say waving as I head off. 

"Yeah whatever" is all I hear in response as the back door cuts off anything else she might've said. Laying down on the sofa we have back there I stretch out my whole body already feeling the soreness in my back from going between helping customers and cleaning the shelves.

I check my phone for the first time in a few hours and see that I have a few messages from Jungkook.

Hey Luna Noona I can't wait for tonight!

I still have no idea what you're planning but I'm expecting something epic!

Your shift ends at ten right? Or was it ten thirty? I don't remember.

Either way I'll be there at ten!  he finishes.

My shift ends at ten thirty so you can just come then. No need to come early I respond smiling at his excitement. Why are people suddenly so excited to spend time with me?

And don't call me that! I add in protest.

See you at ten Luna Noona ;)  he ends, responding right away.

I roll my eyes in response and lock my phone. I still haven't totally processed everything that happed between Jungkook and I the other night. Well more like avoided the topic all together, filling my days and nights since then with nonsensical topics. 

Avoidance is my first line of defense and although it's not the best way to deal with things, it really is the only way I can keep myself together these days.

I hope things go well tonight with both Jungkook and Jimin, I've just gotta remember to not overthink it. Just take a deep breath and be my normal chill carefree self and things will be fine. 

I scroll through my social media and see that I have a follow request from none other than Jimin. I guess I'll accept it before I meet up with him. I don't want to give him something to pout over.

After accepting the request and following him back I see that he immediately accepts my request as well as goes to like some of my recent posts, clearly showing me that he's going through my account.

'You look so cute Noona' he comments on my most recent one of a picture of Grey and I.

I like his comment and lock my phone ignoring the rest of his efforts to contact me. I need to show him that I've got stuff to take care of and I can't talk to him all day. Hopefully if I ignore him until my next break he'll back off a bit. Then again I still don't know him so who knows. 

I close my eyes for what I think is a few minutes and am suddenly woken up by my alarm signaling the end of my breaks. I sigh and straighten myself out and make moves to head back into the store and to my delight it is completely empty. 

"How is it when I'm by myself there are a shit ton of customers but once you get there they magically disappear?" I complain after casing the joint. "Don't know don't care" she says, continuing to scroll through her phone. 

"Lover boy requested to follow me" she says nonchalantly still engrossed in whatever she's looking at. "Really?" I say in confusion. "But he hasn't ever spoken to you before right?" I question. "Well yes and no" she says putting down her phone. 

"Meaning?" I question, intrigued as to what sort of interaction they've had. "Well he came around the other day when you had the day off asking for you" she says resting her arm on the counter and propping her head on top of her hand. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask. "Well he told me he would text you or something, but guessing by your reaction he didn't" she says starting to get tired of the conversation. "Yeah well I guess he forgot. Next time tell me if he shows up okay?" I implore starting to get a weird feeling about all of this.

~~~~

As the day slowly turns to night I get a text from Jimin letting me know he's on his way. "Do I look okay?" I ask starting to get a bit anxious. "Yeah you look fine" she says not even bothering to look up from her phone. 

"Grey you didn't even look at me" I say rolling my eyes at her. "Dude I've been with you for hours, I know what you look like" she says looking up at me for a second. "Although you might wanna go look in the mirror and brush your hair or something" she says going back to what she was doing before. 

"Why didn't you tell me that before?" I question, running into the back to freshen up my appearance a bit more. "You didn't ask until now" she yells after me.

I quickly brush my hair like she said and put on a fresh layer of lip gloss and a light sprits of perfume before I head back out and in the process I hear the door open signaling a new customer coming in. 

"Welcome" she greets, uninterested in the newcomer. "Hi um is Luna here?" I hear Jimin ask, sounding a bit shy. "Yeah she's in the back but she should be coming out soon if you wanna wait" she informs him. "Okay thanks, just let her know I'll be waiting outside" he says and I hear his voice fade and hear the bell again signaling his departure.

I peek out from behind the door and motion to Grey nonverbally asking about my appearance yet again. She nods her head and I stand up straight and head out only to hear her say "See you at nine alright, I've still gotta take my last break too". I simply make an okay sign with my hands and walk out. 

I'm greeted with the sight of Jimin taking in the surrounding stores and people that are passing through the area, clearly lost in thought still not aware of my presence. "Sorry I kept you waiting" is all I say to catch his attention. "Noona! Ready to go?" he says while holding his hand out to me, which I in turn take it and let him lead the way.

"So where are we going?" I ask curious as to what he has in mind. "It's this new café called 'Bora' the interior is purple and they have a lot of cute purple themed drinks! I thought it might be a cool place to hang out together. Plus the vibes there are really chill and you seem to radiate chill energy" he says looking over to me and slightly swinging our interlocked hands. 

"Purple is actually my favorite color" I say surprised that I haven't heard about it yet. "I was hoping you would say that! I remember the first day that I met you you were wearing a cute purple shirt with two different purple earrings" he says laughing to himself while recalling the memory. 

"Wait really? Why didn't you tell me?" I say slightly embarrassed at my slip up. "Well I wan't sure if you had done it on purpose, plus it looked really good on you!" he says smiling at me while starting to take smaller strides. Realizing that he might be dragging me along since our height difference is very apparent and in turn makes my legs a lot shorter than his. Once we fall into step we walk in comfortable silence until we reach Bora.

Opening the door we're met by a dark purple interior that is accompanied by a brilliant neon sign spelling out the location's namesake in an equally stunning shade of purple. 

"This place is amazing! How did you find it?" I say scanning the room and taking everything in. "I saw that it just opened a few weeks ago on SNS and I forgot about it until I started to wrack my brain for places you might like to go" he says while shyly rubbing the back of his neck. He's actually quite adorable now that I think about it, with those lips that seem to be in a constant pout supporting my observation. 

"Did you wanna go up and order or should I pick something out for you while you find us a seat?" he questions making eye contact with me for the first time since we set foot inside. Seeing his face in this lighting I can't help but notice his more chiseled features and I again am reminded of our height difference since I'm having to look up at him. 

Breathe Luna it's okay it's just Jimin, just be yourself. "Surprise me" I say while settling on giving him a slight smile. "Okay I'll be right back why don't you go look over in that section and I'll meet you there" he says while pointing me towards the seating area and gently ghosting his hand on the small of my back and quickly makes his way further into the building to what I assume is the counter to order.

Shaking off the slight chill I got from the unexpected contact I make my way over to a booth near a window so we can enjoy the city lights. Even though this might not be the best part of town the lights at night are still beautiful. I get lost in thought and start humming along to the music that's playing in the background. 

"Boo" I hear right next to my ear making my whole body tense up. "Don't DO that!" I scold turning towards him seeing a huge smile on his face. "I'm sorry Noona I couldn't help it" he admits trying to hold back his laughter. 

"Well please refrain from doing that, my heart can only take so much" I say clutching my chest in a teasing manner. "Okay okay I promise I won't do that again...tonight" he says, teasing me right back. "I swear I can never catch a break these days. Now are you gonna tell me what kind of drinks you got or are you just gonna let them melt" I say nodding towards the tray he just placed down. 

"Oh yeah my bad. This one is called 'Bora' after the café itself and its a purple slush with passion fruit, dragon fruit, and blue raspberry flavoring. While this one is called 'Nabi' which is iced butterfly pea flower tea with raspberry and pomegranate. I wasn't sure if you were the coffee or tea type of person but I figured you might not want to drink something with caffeine this late at night" he explains cutely hoping he picked out at least one item I might enjoy. 

"They both look amazing! Do you think I could take the slush? It looks so good!" I implore. "Sure go right ahead, I also got us a slice of Purple Ube cake to share. I hope you don't mind" he says nervously again.

He's really trying to not mess this up, it's so endearing seeing how much effort he's putting into this. "That's perfect, thank you!" I say while grabbing a fork and taking the first bite.

"Mmm this is amazing!" I say savoring the mild but sweet flavors. I look up at him and see that he's just looking at me with puppy eyes clearly enjoying my reactions. "What?" I laugh nervously while grabbing a napkin and wiping off the corners of my mouth hoping I don't have anything on my face. 

"Nothing, you're just really cute Noona" he says and picks up his fork and takes a bite of the cake right after I do. I clear my throat moving past the compliment trying not to acknowledge it. 

"So back in the store earlier you said you needed to get a new job. Do you have something in mind?" he says clearly understanding the need to change the subject. "Oh um not really I've just been pretty sick of my job honestly since I first started but I can seem to find anything better to do and I hate being the new girl" I say feeling defeated. 

"That's understandable, it can be nerve racking breaking into a new industry especially when you've become almost comfortable in your current job" he responds. "Well it's not so much that. It's more like the irritating feeling being a helpless idiot until I finally get used to everything. I hate asking for help" I admit honestly. 

"Yeah I can tell, you seem very independent so I can see why that could make you uncomfortable. I assure you though that if you find a company that values their employees then I'm sure that you coworkers would be more than happy to help you learn the ropes. Everyone is new at some point in their lives" he responds with a warm smile.

I feel almost lighter after talking about some of the things that have been weighing on my mind that I almost forget that I have to go back to work. 

We're startled out of our conversation by my alarm and I can't help but feel a bit disappointed that we have to wrap this up so soon. "Well that's my alarm reminding me to start walking back. Thank you so much! I had a really good time" I say with a genuine smile on my face. 

"I did too! Thanks for giving me a chance to get to know you better. Here let me walk you back to the store" he says getting up and stretching his hand out towards me. "Thank you, I would really appreciate it" I respond while hesitantly accepting his outstretched hand. 

"Of course, what kind of man would I be if I didn't make sure you got back alright. Plus this gives us a chance to spend a little more time together" he says while leading us though the café to the exit. Once we're outside we're hit with a sudden breeze and I bring my hands up and hug myself as a pitiful excuse for generating warmth.

I suddenly feel myself being wrapped in a blanket of warmth and realize that he's draped his jacket over my shoulders. 

"You don't have to do that, it's my fault for not bringing a coat. Here take it back you're gonna get cold too" I say while trying to take the jacket off my shoulders but am soon stopped by him placing both hands on my shoulders trapping the jacket underneath his hands to make sure I can't remove it. 

"It's alright Noona I really don't mind, plus I'm wearing a hoodie as well so I don't really feel cold at the moment. It's not too long of a walk anyways so go ahead and use it for now" he says and goes back to stand next to me and entwines our fingers together and leads me back to the store. 

Once we get closer he stops just short of it which in turn stops me as well. "What is it?" I ask giving him a questioning look. "I just wanted to let you know that I had a really nice time tonight and I would love to do it again. Maybe we could spend some time together on one of your days off?" he asks hopeful for my acceptance of his proposition.

"Sure I'd love that!" I say looking up at him. I see him glance down at my lips and back to my eyes before slowly leaning in. I stop him tentatively with a gentle hand placed on his chest.

"Jimin" I say, feeling breathless at the change in atmosphere. "Yes Noona?" he questions resting his forehead against mine. "I don't think this is a good idea" I say wracking my brain for the best way to go about shutting this down. 

"Oh, okay" he says while leaning back and resuming his previous up right posture. "It's just that, I really think we should get to know each other better" I say hoping he won't take it in the wrong way. "It's okay I understand, I agree let's take things slow" he says with an understanding smile. "I'll text you tomorrow?" he suggests. I nod my head in approval and give him a quick hug goodbye. 

I turn around and cross the street and head back inside seeing Grey in the same position I had left her in, uninterested with the world around her and scrolling through her phone. "I'm back!" I say alerting her to my presence so she doesn't think I'm just another customer. 

"Oh hey" she says looking up from her phone briefly, "How did it go?". I go to respond but she stops me before I can even continue, "The short version Luna" she says aware of my tendency to ramble. "Alright the short version, let me just put my stuff away" I say making my way to the back room.

"Whose jacket is that?" she asks but clearly knows the answer. "Oh shit! It's Jimin's, he let me borrow it on our way back since it's pretty cold out there. Do you think he's still out there?" I question rushing towards the front door before I can hear her answer. 

I look around up and down the street trying to see if I can spot him but unfortunately it looks like he's left already. I walk back into the store defeated but knowing that he'll probably just use this as another excuse to come see me again, which I can't help but smile at. 

"I guess I'll just text him in the morning" I say shrugging my shoulders putting it back in my locker and putting on some perfume. "Why did you take it off?" she questions raising an eyebrow at me. "Well I'm hanging out with Jungkook tonight and you know how he gets when other guys are around me" is say feeling a bit conflicted. 

"That's true. He would probably give you his hoodie and hug you until the other guy's sent is gone" she says laughing at Jungkook's clingy side. "Exactly so I don't want to give him something to pout about. Plus the possibility of another guy in my life is not something I would like to discuss tonight" I finish. "Sounds like a good idea" she says and asks me again to tell her what happened between Yeonjun and I.

I give her the short version like she had asked for and I am a bit confused at her reaction or lack there of. "Hey! Why are you acting like that? I thought you would be teasing me and telling me how stupid I was or something like that" I pout clearly not satisfied while her stoic attitude. 

"Oh sorry I was just expecting it to go horribly so I'm just surprised that's all. I'm happy for you, it sounds like you had fun" she says and goes back to her phone. "Why did you think it was gonna be bad?" I question even more confused. 

"Well he was just giving off kinda weird vibes from the beginning but I'm glad we just misjudged him. He sounds like a nice guy. Now can we change the subject? Or better yet why don't you go restock the fridge" she says and then turns around to refill the items behind the counter even though they're fully stocked for the most part. 

Confused by her sudden change I decide to just go and do as she had suggested and head back into the big fridge and after restocking everything in there I start to go up and down the aisles cleaning up the shelves and making sure everything looks perfect. I check my phone and start counting down the minutes until Jungkook gets here, eager to escape from this sudden weirdness that has settled between Grey and I.

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[reincarnatedintospace]

my current wriothesley observations so far...

*contains spoilers for 4.1 archon quests and wriothesley's story quest.* i am really enjoying wriothesley so much, so here's some observations i've made so far about him. i'll add/edit as i unlock more of his voice lines and story... everything said below is said with love. just because he's an awesome character doesn't mean he also doesn't have flaws and isn't still human.

this man read the 4-hour work week and said bet. he grinded his way to the top, created and documented several robust processes that would run on it's own and then kicked his feet up and watched the mora roll in. he literally gamed the system. (use the prisoners for free manpower and reap the benefits. sounds a little familar.)

he was an angry ass young man. all the shit he'd seen and been put through and (i assume) no one came to his and his siblings aid. so he took matters into his own hands because he didn't believe anyone else would do anything. he's worked hard since becoming Duke to temper that anger. it still comes out when something really gets to him, which is very evident on his character trailer and his end scene in his story quest.

this asshole literally drops people out the airlock into the literal ocean for getting on his bad side '...most people know better than to raise a real stink, while as for those who don’t… there are places where they can go. Just as flowing water can cleanse itself, so can a functioning society get rid of its rot.' - Character Story 2. those bodies are gonna show up Dexter style one day, my man.

he's not lazy, he's efficient, and values his own time.

he likes to play. this idiot enjoys being strategic and gets a kick out of outsmarting people. he's out there roaming around meropide observing everything he can so if anything comes up he's already got a 10-step plan in place to manourve everyone to his liking

he'd be very good at chess (what else is there to do in a prison but play board games? and workout)

wriothesley priotirizes consent and trust. "I am honoured to win your trust."

in saying that, it also feels like he still has some insecurities and doubts, feeling the need to be worthy of someone's trust and earn it in a way that seems like he needs to do something of value to be trusted and valued in return.

his tea obsession is funny. i know this is a game and it isn't all that deep. (i'll make it deep gdi) but it feels like there's something there, a story behind that. either a direct opposition to something he hated as a child, or a need to keep people around him. or something else.

he took up boxing to protect himself and others. no longer was he going to let anyone hurt him again. ever.

he's manipulative, in a 'i'm going to protect you because i know what's up and i enjoy the reactions when i reveal the truth/plot i'm only privy to'

i have so many thoughts so i might part 2 this.

[gareleia]

THE KNITTING SAGA BUT MAKE IT SAD

update: my co-writer friend FINALLY got a tumblr account, so I can tag them now!!

previously: part 1 part 2

next: part 4 part 5

lets talk about relationships, shall we. i'm gonna focus on Athena & Telemachus this time, but Hermes will have his turn later

let's be real, Athena is a hardass. sure, she cares, but she's so emotionally constipated that it really doesn't show that much. especially before she goes through that character development arc after her break up with Odysseus in My Goodbye

(and what a crisis that is)

(because her masterpiece??? failed her??? but she trusted him??? she made him much as in her image as possible??? he was supposed to be perfect???)

(and if he's not perfect, then she failed,,, and she can't fail, she doesn't fail,,, she's a goddess,,, war strategy is her domain, surely there is no way her plan could be flawed,,,)

(what even is the point of her if she's not perfect)

so yeah, she's a hardass. even on baby Telemachus who'd never held a sword before - especially on baby Telemachus, because he's the son of her favored Champion. he may be waaay younger than any of her previous pupils, but she's expecting him to shine just as bright.

Athena, on the first day: let's get down to business! make your father proud! you won't have a weakness! by the time we're done! you're the saddest pupil that I've had! and you haven't got a clue! but I will make a man outta you! Telemachus, a literal toddler, holding a wooden sword as big as himself: ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶

and for years to come she trains him relentlessly. she's honestly trying to be nice about it, too. it's just that Athena doesn't do soft or gentle, her default is a neutral face of displeasure, and her idea of encouragement is saying 'you're not as bad as you used to be', or something along these lines.

Telemachus: *succeeds at something* Athena: *raises an eyebrow in a slightly different manner than usually* Telemachus: *le gasp* could it b-be? am I doing a good job??? Athena: it's… acceptable, for your age.

she never once tells him she is proud of him. because surely he already knows. he doesn't need to hear it. his father didn't, after all (ody so fucking did)

and this goes on until Telemachus reaches double digits. then My Goodbye happens, and Athena has Feelings™. she's having an existential crisis, and has to confront the fact that she had done something wrong while training Odysseus, and she can't understand what. which is terrifying, because what if she makes a mistake like that with Telemachus. will he fail her too?

will she have to leave him too, so she doesn't watch him die horribly in a tragedy that could've been prevented if only she had made him see-

so Athena doubles down and starts demanding more and more from Telemachus. the praise goes from sparse to non-existent, and nothing he does seems to be enough anymore. she goes from tough love to borderline verbal abuse, thinking that it's the only way to keep him safe and prepare him for the future.

and Telemachus endures. he has to, because he doesn't want his mother to worry. doesn't want to appear weak. Odysseus had done it, so it's only fair his son should too. and when his dad comes home, he'll be sooo impressed. he can do it!

except…. not really. it's been a losing battle since the beginning, and deep down he knows it. he can't win with Athena, not on his own.

???: if you want to impress her, you'll need the blessing of a certain god! divine intervention! someone who's not afraid to- telemachus: aeolus, what are doing in my closet?!

so anyway, Aeolus and the winions start helping him via winds and stuff, and Telemachus actually starts exceeding everyone's expectations. it's not that he'd been bad before, but he's soft, and not quite strong enough physically to make up for his gentle constitution

everyone is cheering him on. he's the talk of the palace! his mom is so proud! the suitors start sizing him up with consideration instead of dismissing him outright! (and tele, baby, that's not a good thing! ಠ_ಠ). Athena seems pleased for the first time in ages!! but he knows that it's all a lie, and it's killing him.

cause he's a good, honest boye, and he wants to succeed on his own merit, not because of cheating and lying to everyone he loves. that's vile and dishonorable.

que some very important island-wide competition that everyone is expecting him to join and win. maybe it's even his duty as a prince. like, a right of passage from complete boyhood to adolescence.

and there's,,, a lot of pressure on Telemachus to suceed. everyone and their mother are telling him that of course he's got this, he's a prodigy! def his father's son! nobody doubts his incoming victory! he's got this! he definitely won't disappoint them!

random noble: we'll be cheering you on, young prince! truly, we are blessed by the gods to have such a talented successor to the throne! we'll watch with keen eyes as you triumph over your foes and bring even more honor to your family! b(￣▽￣*) telemachus, eye twitching: y-yeah… thank you… (ㆆ _ ㆆ)

so, the night before the competition Telemachus can barely sleep, he's so wrecked by guilt and nerves. he keeps thinking - what would his father do in this situation? all the stories he'd ever heard of Odysseus always painted him as some kind of invincible, righteous, all-capable genius. so the idea of his dad ever grappling with guilt and feelings of inadequacy is just laughable. (oh, if only he knew)

so, he goes to his mom for advice. because Penelope is awesome. but he can't bring himself to admit that's he's cheating - what if she's ashamed of him? he brought dishonor to his father's name, and if anyone knows - will he get exiled?

so yeah, he basically has a panic attack and cries for like, half an hour straight.

telemachus, bawling: if I lose tomorrow, will you hate me? will dad hate me? I can't do anything right and I'm a failure and a horrible person and- just- what do I do, mother? penelope, holding him: oh, love. sometimes you're so similar to your father I wonder if the gods haven't returned him to me in spirit through you.

because no matter what everyone else says, Penelope knows the truth - Odysseus always followed his heart. oh, how he may have tried to forget he had one, to only ever use his head. but a heart he did have - does have, they have to believe that - and it's a bright and gentle one. he may have been hardened by years of pain and struggle in a way that Telemachus hadn't been yet (and Penelope's heart breaks from knowledge that her son will be, one day). but deep down, at ther cores, Odysseus and Telemachus are strikingly similar. and she loves them all the more for it.

and so, with his mother's blessing, the young prince does just as she told him to: follows his heart. he thanks Aeolus for their help, and asks them to stop giving it from now on. either he'll suceed on his own merit, or he'll wear his failure as a badge of honor and an incentive to do better.

and he loses. badly.

and the world,,, doesn't end? sure, the suitors sneer and jeer, but there's a surprising lack of disowning and exile going around. and the nobles tone it down significantly with undeserved adoration, which is definitely a plus, as far as he's concerned.

the only thing is. Athena.

oh boy.

because she's not stupid. Telemachus may have gotten away with cheating so far, but now he'll have to answer to her why he had flunked so badly, and she won't buy his go-to excuse of 'I got nervous!'

athena, expression unreadable: so. care to explain yourself, my stupid pupil? telemachus: w-well, you see… ha-ha… it's, uh… a funny story… athena: you threw away your best advantage! you've had a god perfectly willing to assist you and yet you still somehow managed to lose! telemachus: wait, what-

so yeah, Athena knew all along.

athena, mildly insulted: how stupid do you think I am, boy? telemachus: but! but! but!.. you never said anything! didn't even scold me for cheating! athena, even more insulted: child, I am the goddess of war strategy, where did you get the idea that I ever play fair and straightforward? leave that to ares, the simple-minded fool!

to clarify, she's not upset at him for cheating. she's upset that he stopped doing so. so she throws some choice words at him, implying he lacks both talent and intelligence

and Telemachus defends himself by saying that he'd rather fail on his own merit, than abandon his principles and win by lying and dishonoring his family. in response, she calls him naive.

he tries to implore to her connection to his father by saying that he was just trying to do what's right. he was following his heart, just as Odysseus had always strived to. and he's training to fight for his loved ones, not for glory of being known.

it's a one hit K.O., because it reminds Athena of her recent break-up with Odysseus. of everything they spat at each other during My Goodbye. of anger, of hurt, of disappointment, of betrayal, of I loved you and you failed me, of I loved you and I failed you, of good riddance! and y̶͈̔o̴̘̖͆u̶̻̱͆͒'̸̫̩̌̉r̷̼͝e̴̩̒ ̴͎̻̈́̎ȧ̸̦l̵̗͙͌̐o̸͚͕̚n̷̟̯͠e̵̳̩͠

and is their whole line just cursed? is this their way of punishing her for something? why do they both hurt her so? is it her fault?

telemachus: athena? are… are you okay? (‘-’*) athena, coming off MG flashbacks: well, obviously, boy, why would you even ask that (ಥ﹏ಥ)

Telemachus just hugs her, because she obviously needs it. and she melts into it like never before.

because she wasn't made for empathy or kindness. she's been born to be ruthless and cold. she's not supposed to love and be loved care about anything but winning. it doesn't come natural to Athena, until recently she had truly thought herself unable to, and yet-

yet here, right in front of her, is a boy who loves for the both of them. loves the whole world - sincerely, selflessly. a truly kind and caring soul (the nobles even joke that his true father is Polites).

she can't love.

but maybe… maybe he will teach her.

maybe he already did.

or maybe she always could.

she forgets sometimes, that her fingers know not only the roughness of swords and spears, but also the gentle softness of weaved silk. creation goes hand in hand with destruction, and she can bind countless threads together without breaking them.

and what are humans, if not strings, waiting to be cut by the fates?

also, if Telemachus can teach the goddess of cold cynicism and detached cruelty kindness of all things, then she can teach him swordplay.

yes, it's a threat.