#debated erasing the second book entirely

[serunattorney]

Im right

[waitimcomingtoo]

SLUT!

chapter eight: dying to see how this one ends

series masterlist

Following the fight, Peter saw the back of a squad car for the first time. He was taken straight to the local police station while few officers stayed behind to get stories from witnesses in the gym.

At the station, Peter was put in a holding cell and given an ice pack for his busted knuckles. After half an hour of sitting alone, the door to the cell opened and Brad Davis was pushed inside. He had two tissues stuffed up his nose and a black eye forming on his right eye. The boys made eye contact but felt too defeated to fear the other.

“What are you doing here?” Peter asked when Brad plopped beside him on the bench.

“What do you think? The police showed up and one of the soccer girls showed them the video of me saying I slipped something in Y/n’s drink. I can’t believe it. Did you know that’s a felony?”

“Uh, yeah.” Peter said flatly. “You’re really not supposed to do that.”

“How was I supposed to know? I’ve never done it before.” Brad mumbled. “And I wouldn’t again.”

“Would you really never do it again?” Peter asked skeptically. Brad was quiet for a minute and stared off at the wall. Peter silently handed over his ice pack and Brad accepted it with a sarcastic smile. He put it on his black eye and sighed.

“I don’t know. I don’t know why I’m so angry all the time. Or why I let it ruin my friendship with Y/n. Have you ever wanted a girl so badly that you start to hate her?”

“No.” Peter said without hesitation.

“Oh.” Brad said and turned away from Peter.

Another 30 minutes went by and Peter was starting to spiral. He paced back and forth in the cell while chewing his nails.

“What’s taking them so long?” He whined.

“They’ll get you when they’re done booking you. Don’t freak out. It’s annoying.” Brad mumbled.

“Of course I’m freaking out. If I get convicted, I’m going to jail.”

“Relax. You’ll be fine. Assault is a misdemeanor. And I’m sure your scrawny ass is a first offender so you’ll get a fine at best.” Brad rolled his eyes.

“Woah. How’d you know that?” Peter stopped pacing and looking at Brad in surprise.

“I’ve been arrested for misdemeanors before. My dad just bails me out.”

“Which I’m sure he’ll do this time.” Peter rolled his eyes and sat back down.

“No. I called him when they brought me in but my mom answered.” Brad said as he looked at the ground.

“What did she say?” Peter wondered when he saw how distant Brad sounded. Brad turned his face away from Peter and rubbed the back of his neck.

“She said her best friend in college killed herself after a boy told everyone she gave him an STD. She said she couldn’t handle the bullying.” Brad said quietly. Peter stared at him for a minute and debated making him feel worse. There was a lesson to be learned here and Peter needed to know Brad understood the gravity of his actions.

“You could’ve done the same to Y/n, you know.” Peter said in a soft voice. He wasn’t being accusatory, just honest.

“She never would’ve done that.” Brad scoffed but Peter could tell he didn’t believe himself.

“How do you know?” Peter asked. “You didn’t know her. And you didn’t let anyone know her either. You told everyone who she was and they believed you. You erased her. She very well could have hurt herself to take her name back.”

“I didn’t think it was that bad for her. It was just a joke.” Brad said after a long beat of silence.

“To you. To you, “slut” was just a word. To her, it was her entire identity. All because of you.” Peter told him, feeling angry again. He wasn’t worried about protecting Brads feelings anymore. Now, he wanted him to take some accountability. Brad was quiet for a minute as he thought about the way he treated you the past few years.

“The first time I called her a slut, I didn’t realize how easy it would be to do it a second time.” Brad admitted.

“Me either.” Peter realized and pictured your face the time he called you a slut. He blinked back tears as he replayed the night he lost you. Brad noticed Peter was tearing up and felt himself get emotional. He cleared his throat and tried to choke it down but he couldn’t stop the tears that threatened his eyes.

“I didn’t think I’d end up like this. I didn’t think I’d be this guy.” Brad said quietly.

“You don’t have to be this guy forever. You can change.” Peter told him.

“How?” Brad shrugged helplessly. “She’s never gonna forgive me.”

“She might not. But you can still apologize. And then be better to the next girl.”

“What if I can’t be better? What if this is all I am?”

“I don’t think is all you are. Y/n told me you used to be a good friend.”

“She said that?” Brad asked in surprise.

“Yeah. So I know you can be better. You just have to try.” Peter told him. While Brad thought about the conversation, Peter heard footsteps approaching the cell. He looked up and saw May walking up with an officer.

“Hey, jailbird.” May said while a tight, very sarcastic smile.

“May?” Peter got up and walked over to her.

“Come on. They said I can take you home. Isn’t that nice? I get to take my nephew home from jail.” She said sarcastically as a the officer unlocked the cell. Peter got out and immediately hugged May.

“May, I’m so sorry. I can explain everything.”

“You don’t have to. She already told me what happened.” May said and pointed through a window into the station lobby. Peter could see you sitting in one of the waiting room chairs and blinked in surprise.

“She’s here?” He asked May in disbelief.

“Yeah. She’s the one that called me. The cops told me she got here right after you did. That’s your girlfriend right?” May asked. Peter felt his heart sink when he realized he had yet to tell May that you had broken up.

“What did she tell you?” Peter asked to change the topic.

“She said you stood up for her when the boys were calling her a slut. But why do I feel like that’s now the whole story?” May asked skeptically. Peter looked her in the eyes and sighed knowing he was about to disappoint her.

“Because it’s not the whole story. I called her a slut too.” Peter admitted.

“My nephew called a woman a slut? Is that how I raised you?” May asked and folded her arms.

“No. It’s not.”

“Then why did you do that? I thought she was your girlfriend?”

“Because I was angry. And I wanted to hurt her the way she hurt me.”

“Hm. I see. And did you feel better after you called her that?” May asked him.

“No.” Peter sighed. “I felt worse.”

“I thought so. Go apologize. Now.” May turned him around and pushed him in your direction. Peter wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans before going out into the waiting room. When you saw him coming towards you, you stood up and nervously folded your arms.

“Hey.” He smiled weakly.

“Hi, Peter.” You nodded curtly.

“What are you doing here?” He asked you.

“I had to talk to the police to give my statement about Brads party.“ You explained and left out the party about wanting to make sure he was okay.

“My aunt said you told her what happened. Thank you for that. I don’t know how I would’ve explained to her what happened.”

“You’re welcome. And I should be thanking you too. You beat the shit out of Brad for me. I would’ve done it myself but I’m a little more of a kicker.” You halfheartedly joked, making Peter relax a little.

“You don’t have to thank me. I should’ve done it the first time I heard him call you a slut.” Peter replied. You shrugged in agreement as Peter thought back to that night at the party.

“And you should’ve beat me up when I called you one.” He added as he stared at the floor.

“Yeah. Maybe I should’ve.” You laughed softly. An awkward silence settled between you and neither of you knew what to say. Luckily, it didn’t last long as May came out into the waiting room and stood beside Peter.

“Ready to go home?” She asked him.

“I guess I don’t have any other choice since I am definitely not allowed back on campus.” Peter sighed.

“Actually, they were going to expel you but since I saw Brad throw the first punch, they lowered it to just a suspicion.“ You told him. Peter looked at you curiously and you smiled timidly.

“But Brad didn’t-“ Peter began.

“A lot of people saw him start the fight.” You shrugged. “The school understood that you were just acting in self defense. So don’t worry. Your scholarship is okay.”

“You covered for me?” Peter whispered in disbelief.

“Yeah, well. You covered me first.” You shrugged and avoided eye contact. Peter broke into a smile and you finally looked into his eyes to smile as well. The moment was interrupted by Brad shouting from his holding cell.

“Y/n!” He called to you. You gave Peter a confused look before motioning for him to follow you to where Brad was.

“What do you want?” You asked him.

“I wanted to tell you that I’m so sorry. About all of it.” Brad told you. You looked at Peter skeptically before looking back at Brad.

“You’re sorry?” You doubted.

“I am. I never meant for it to go this far. I don’t expect you to ever forgive me but I just need you to know how sorry I am.” Brad apologized. You smiled at the unexpected apology and nodded your head.

“I appreciate the apology, Brad. That’s not something I ever thought I’d hear from you.” You told him. Peter smiled as he watched the interaction and hoped what he had said to Brad is what inspired him to try to be better.

“Now that we’re cool, do you think you could tell them I didn’t actually slip something in your drink?” Brad asked. “I’ll get kicked out of school if they convict me and my parents already said they’re not bailing me out.”

Your smile dropped when you realized the apology was just a way to gain your trust so he could ask for a favor. He didn’t actually care and he definitely hadn’t changed. Peter shut his eyes in disappointment and hung his head in shame. He thought his conversation with Brad would’ve had some effect on him but it clearly didn’t.

“Oh. You want me to tell the police that you didn’t do something that we both know you actually did do?”

“Yes. Please?” Brad pleaded as he rested his cheek against one of the bars.

“Oh. I get it. Kinda like how you told people that I did things we both know I didn’t do?” You asked and tilted your head to the side. Peter folded his lips to hold back his laughter when he realized what you were doing. Unfortunately for Brad, he hadn’t caught on yet.

“Yeah. Like that.” Brad nodded eagerly. You laughed warmly and nudged Peter, prompting him to laugh as well. Brad was a little confused but laughed as well and assumed you were going to take his side. Your laughter came to an abrupt halt as you faced Brad.

“No.” You stated.

“What? But you have to. I could go to jail.” Brad said and shook the bars angrily.

“And I hope you do.” You said simply.

“What? Come on. Don’t do this to me. Peter already got his revenge.”

“That’s right. He did. But I didn’t.” You reminded him. “And personally, I think there are enough pathetic, predatory losers in New York. Serving some time might knock those worrisome traits of yours loose.”

“You need to really think about this. If I go to jail, I could lose everything.” Brad whispered harshly.

“I lost everything.” You shrugged. “My friends, my dignity, my name. Now it’s your turn.”

“Don’t do this. I’ll get kicked out of school. And it’s impossible to get a job when you have a conviction. Especially for something like this. You have to help me. This will ruin my reputation.”

“At least your reputation will be accurate. Mine never was.” You replied as you looked him right in the eyes. Brads face crumbled and he found himself at a loss for words.

“Goodbye, Brad.” You smiled tightly and walked away. Peter followed after you and joined up with May back in the waiting room.

“Would you like me to drive you back to campus?” May offered as you all walked out of the station together.

“Thank you. But I think I’m gonna wander around the city for a bit. Campus is a little…hostile right now. I think I want to avoid all the attention for a little bit.”

“Well you are welcome to join us for dinner if you’d like.” She smiled kindly.

“I don’t think she wants to do that, May.” Peter mumbled. You made eye contact with him and exchanged polite smiles.

“Thank you again, but I think it’s for the best if I don’t. I would like to talk, though.” You said to Peter.

“Yeah. Of course.” Peter nodded. May got into the car to give the two of you some privacy. You and Peter stood facing each other but didn’t make eye contact. Peter didn’t know what to say, so he got straight to the point.

“Look, I can’t tell you how sorry I am that I called you a slut. And that I didn’t believe you at the party. There is no excuse for what I said and did. I was angry so I called you exactly what I knew would hurt you. I guess that I’m not as good of a guy as either of us thought. You deserve a gentleman. And I’m sorry I couldn’t be that for you.”

“It’s not okay that you called me that. But I forgive you.” You told him.

“You do?” Peter smiled in surprise.

“I do. If you hadn’t gotten Brad and his friends to admit what they had done, I never would’ve gotten my name back. I had people I’ve never even seen before apologizing to me. So if you can risk your scholarship to get my reputation back, I can forgive you.”

“I’d do anything for you.” He told you as he stared into your eyes. You could see how guilty he felt when you looked into his eyes but you couldn’t get him using that word out of his head.

“Where do we go from here?” He asked after a beat of silence. You put a smile on your face and patted Peters shoulders.

“From here, you’re gonna go eat dinner with your aunt. I’m gonna go get some food with my friends, since I actually have them now. And we’re gonna see each other on Thursday in class.”

“Oh. Right. Okay. I’ll see you in class then.” Peter smiled tightly and hoped it didn’t let his disappointment show. He started walking to his car when he heard your voice again.

“Hey Peter?” You called and he turned around.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for getting your knuckles bloody for me.” You smiled at him.

“Anytime.” He smiled back. He got into the passenger seat of Mays car and waited until he couldn’t see you in the side view mirror before breaking down. May rubbed his back and said nothing as Peter cried in his hands.

“I love her. And I ruined it. I fucked it all up.” He cried.

“You don’t know that.” May said kindly. “You might still get a chance to make things right.”

“I don’t think so. She just wants to be friends.“

“I’m sorry, honey.”

“It’s okay. She could’ve written me out of her life entirely. At least we get to be friends now.” Peter said as he wiped his face. May frowned and cupped his chin.

“Let’s go home, honey.” May said. “It’ll be better in the morning.

In the morning, Peter woke up to an email confirming his suspension. He was allowed to return to campus a week later and when he did, he had everyone’s eyes on him. He kept his head down and made his way to the chemistry class he had with you. You exchanged friendly smiles with each other but that was it. Your relationship stayed in a sorta friends but sorta strangers area until the end of the semester. With one week until finals, you finally talked again.

“Hey.” You said as you caught up to him after class. Peter looked around the hallway for who you might be talking to and found no one.

“Me?” He asked.

“Yeah, you. I wanted to show you something.” You smiled coyly and handed him the test you had just gotten back in class. Peter saw a big “96” written on the top in red ink, your highest score yet.

“Woah, 96? That’s really awesome. Great job. I knew you could do it.” Peter smiled proudly and handed it back to you.

“Thank you. I never thought I’d actually pass this class. Turns out I just needed a tutor.” You said with a small shrug. Peter smiled fondly at you and nodded his head. He didn’t know why you were suddenly talking to him, but he didn’t mind it.

“You were always smart.” He insisted. “You just needed someone to explain it in a new way. I’m proud of you. That should go up on the tiny fridge in your dorm.”

“If I had a magnet or even knew where to get one, I would.” You joked. Peter laughed before a comfortable silence settled between you. You looked at each other for a moment before you took a deep breath and looked down at the test.

“So, uh, we have our final coming up soon so I was wondering if you were free to study together sometime? Maybe in the library?” You asked him.

“Oh, sure. I can definitely help you.” He nodded enthusiastically.

“Great, thanks. And maybe we can get some food after.” You suggested.

“Yeah. Totally.” He agreed.

“Like a date.” You added. Peters eyes lit up as he processed what you had said.

“You want to go on a date? With me?”

“I’ve been thinking.” You began. “You were the first person at this school who took the time to get to know me. And in that time, I got to know you too. I know you’re not a mean person. I know you aren’t like the guys who used to make fun of me. And I know I’ve said plenty of things in moments of anger that I wished I could take back. So I have a proposition for you.”

“Which is?” Peter wondered.

“If you ever call me that word again, we’re done for good. No second chances. But since I believe you’re sorry and wouldn’t do it again, I would like to give us another shot. What do you think?”

“I would also like that very much please.” Peter said immediately. You laughed at his quick answer and held out your hand. Peter took it and you walked down the hallway together. He walked you to your next class, just like old times, and stopped outside the door. You were about to say goodbye when he pulled you into a hug. You melted into his arms and hugged him back, closing all the distance that had grown between you.

“Thank you for giving me a second chance.” He said for just you to hear.

“I had too. I missed you too much for that to have been our end.”

“I missed you too.” He said as he pulled out of the hug but kept his arms around you. You looked into his eyes for a minute and smiled softly.

“For the record, I loved you too.” You told him. Peter gasped a little before breaking into a cool and collected smile.

“For the record, I was all in from the moment you borrowed my pen. Not that it’s a competition or anything.” He shrugged, making you laugh a little.

“You know, I still have that pen. It’s really good, too. Is that your thing? You give helpless girls pens and hope they’ll fall in love with you?” You teased him.

“That’s exactly what I do. You’re just the first it’s ever worked on.” He humored you.

“Oh yeah? And just how many girls have you given pens too?a rough estimate would be nice. I’d like to know who my competition is.”

“Oh, jeez. That’s hard to say. It’s gotta be hundreds of girls. Maybe even thousands. I’ve given a pen to more girls than you could ever imagine.“

“Wow. Thats a lot of girls to give pens too. I didn’t realize you were such a busy boy. Are you some kind of slut or something?” You asked with a slight gasp to poke fun at the reputation that used to weigh you down.

“I think I might be actually, yeah.” He sighed and shrugged his shoulder.

“I see.” You chuckled. “That must be why we get along so well.

“Wait, why?” Peter wondered and no longer followed the joke.

“Because.” You playfully rolled your eyes. “Takes one to know one.”

THE END

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[graysoncritic]

A (Negative) Review of Tom Taylor's Nightwing Run - What Went Wrong? Dick's Characterization

Introduction Who is Dick Grayson? What Went Wrong? Dick's Characterization What Went Wrong? Barbara Gordon What Went Wrong? Bludhaven (Part 1, Part 2) What Went Wrong? Melinda Lin Grayson What Went Wrong? Bea Bennett What Went Wrong? Villains Conclusion Bibliography

In the previous section, we explored not only who Dick Grayson is and why he is so beloved by his friends, but why many people — including Taylor and others at DC — have a hard time  understanding his character. By reducing Dick to a hero who is “good” and transforming into an “everyman” that anyone can project themselves onto, Taylor fundamentally removes that which makes Dick special, transforming him into a different character.

But there are other ways in which Taylor and DC mischaracterize Dick by erasing his history and transforming into a more “palatable” mainstream hero. That is what I wish to explore in more detail now. 

Let’s begin by examining how Taylor’s framing Dick’s story in Nightwing (and that of the Titans in Titans) as a coming-of-age tale contributes to a grand erasure of Dick Grayson’s greatness.

In Taylor’s run, Dick is treated as if he were a new superhero. However, even if this run (not the entire title that started in 2016 with Rebirth, but just Taylor’s run) were to become a new stand-in for the 1996 Nightwing solo in which Dick arrives in Bludhaven for the very first time, Dick Grayson should not be portrayed as someone new to vigilantism. Even if one were to generously interpret Taylor’s Dick as being only twenty-two years old after starting as Robin at twelve years of age and only recently having become Nightwing, Dick would still have a decade of experience doing detective and hero work. It is notable that most of that decade was spent with him leading the Titans, serving as Batman’s partner and second-in-command, and mentoring numerous young heroes.

(Wolfram, Amy, writer. Kerschl, Karl, illustrator. In the Beginning… Part Three. Teen Titans: Year One no. 03, e-book ed. DC Comics, 2008. pp. 09)

One of Dick’s core traits is that he is a natural, if at times reluctant, leader. Many key moments in his character history are defined by Dick feeling the weight of the responsibilities placed upon him and having to push through his personal reservations for the sake of others. 

Dick was the first child hero. He was the first sidekick. Out of universe and in universe. (In the introduction to  Dick Grayson, Boy Wonder: Scholars and Creators on 75 years of Robin, Nightwing, and Batman, Kristen L. Geaman mentions that some argue Mister America from Action Comics #2 is, in fact, the first side-kick. However, this claim is debated since Mister America played more of a comedic and “Watsonian” role [as Dick Grayson Fan C suggested], and Dick was the one who popularized the formula of the role.) He was the proof that the concept of a sidekick — a partner — could work. Proof that kids could be trained into this life. Proof that they did not need powers in order to be a hero. That is one of the reasons why, in-universe, he is admired by so many characters – because he is the trailblazer who opened the doors for every young hero and side-kick that came after him. Dick’s history is also why he has so many connections — it is because he was the one who opened the doors for everyone else, mentored so many people, and partnered with those who were his age and those who were much older that he gained so much respect in the superhero community. 

And yet, that history is called into question in Taylor’s narrative when he frames Dick as a young, new hero who is just beginning to assess what he wants to do with his life. Not only is it bad storytelling to portray Dick’s connections without factoring in the experience tied into them, it also demonstrates a fundamental lack of understanding of who Dick is, what he represents, and why he’s been so beloved for over 80 years.

This lack of appreciation and of respect towards Dick is extended to the other Titans in Taylor’s Titans (2023) run. As he himself pointed out, the first arc is called Out of the Shadows because, in his words, the Titans are “stepping out of the shadows of the Justice League.”

(Taylor, Tom [TomTaylorMade]. Twitter, 22 June 2023, https://twitter.com/jesswchen/status/1636971185782259716?s=20.)

And yet, to its fans, the Titans were never in the Justice League’s shadows. They were not inferior or subordinate to the Justice League, even if they may be less known. In-universe, the Titans may have modeled themselves after the Justice League and they may be allies, but the Titans are still an independent entity. From their very inception they defined themselves in contrast with how the Justice League operates. 

In fact, in JLA/Titans #02, Dick himself draws this distinction when arguing with Bruce and calling him out on his condescending behavior towards the Titans.

(Grayson, Devin; Jimenez, Phil, writers. Jimenez, Phil; Brown, Eliot R., illustrator. The Generation Gap. JLA/Titans no. 02, e-book ed. DC Comics, 1998. pp. 23)

Trying to repackage Dick and the Titans as newbie heroes who are only now experiencing independence demonstrates a lack of understanding of their history and who the Titans are meant to be. The Dark Crisis and The Dawn of the DCU attempt to frame Dick’s Nightwing series and Titans as coming-of-age tales, where only now the characters are stepping into adulthood. Taylor’s writing goes a step further and portrays them as making rookie mistakes, coming across as newbies, and as a result, erasing all of the rich history that have built these characters into who they are today.

As I mentioned above, even if we generously interpreted that Dick never lived in Bludhaven before, Dick should still have plenty of experience being a hero and living on his own. The moment in which he transitions from Robin to Nightwing (willingly or unwillingly depending on your preferred Nightwing origin story) is Dick’s coming-of-age moment. By the time he comes to Bludhaven, Dick already knows who he is, what he wants, and he knows how to care for himself. By the time Dick comes to Bludhaven, his internal struggles are not that of a young adult who just left the nest and does not yet feel like an adult, but rather that of an adult who knows his own abilities and is confident in who he is. 

And yet, in Nightwing #84, the first issue in Nightwing: Fear State, Taylor has Dick pondering on the responsibilities of taking care of Bludhaven. Right on the first page, he says “Fighting an entire corrupt system? Saving a whole city? There’s no training for that.” 

(Taylor, Tom, writer. Rodriguez, Robbi, illustrator.  Fear State Part 1 of 3. Nightwing: Rebirth. 84, e-book ed. DC Comics, 2021. pp 03)

Except even the most basic knowledge of Dick’s character shows that he was, in fact, trained to save an entire system and to fight a corrupt system — he was trained to care for Gotham and to take out the corrupt systems that prevail in that city. Not only that, Dick has also been Batman, at which point he was also Gotham’s main protector. 

This mistake becomes even more outrageous when one considers that, though Taylor’s run is at times treated as a soft-reboot, Dick is still shown to have lived in Bludhaven while operating as Nightwing. This means that that generous interpretation I’ve been alluding to is not, in fact, compatible with the story as it is written. It is a falsehood, and therefore cannot be used to excuse the “new-in-town” approach Taylor uses when writing Dick. 

Dick’s apparent inexperience and, frankly, incompetence, is further highlighted by the amount of times Dick is saved by others, or the amount of times when he is dependent on others to do the work for him. These instances include, but are not limited to:

The people of Bludhaven answering Nightwing’s call when Heartless sets the tent city on fire in #81

(Taylor, Tom, writer. Redondo, Bruno, illustrator Leaping into the Light Part 4. Nightwing: Rebirth. 81, e-book ed. DC Comics, 2021. pp 13)

Dick being knocked out with a single blow and then unmasked during his first attempt to investigate Melinda also in issues #81

(Taylor, Tom, writer. Redondo, Bruno, illustrator Leaping into the Light Part 4. Nightwing: Rebirth. 81, e-book ed. DC Comics, 2021. pp 20 - 21)

Babs calling people to Dick’s rescue rather than trusting he could get out of it on his own in #82.

(Taylor, Tom, writer. Redondo, Bruno, illustrator. Leaping into the Light Part 5. Nightwing: Rebirth. 82, e-book ed. DC Comics, 2021. pp 03)

(Taylor, Tom, writer. Redondo, Bruno, illustrator. The Battle for Bludhaven’s Heart Part Four. Nightwing: Rebirth. 95, e-book ed. DC Comics, 2022. pp 24 - 25)

In #90, when his building blew up and Wally came to save him, then proceeded to force him to rest away from Bludhaven instead of letting him take action.

(Taylor, Tom, writer. Redondo, Bruno, illustrator Get Grayson Act Three. Nightwing: Rebirth. 90, e-book ed. DC Comics, 2022. pp 15)

And needing Babs’ help during a car chase in #106,

(Taylor, Tom, writer. Byrne, Stephen. The Crew of the Crossed Part One. Nightwing: Rebirth. 106, e-book ed. DC Comics, 2023. pp 16)

Which greatly contrasts how, in #113 of the Nightwing (1996), Dick handles a similar situation while simultaneously mentoring Rose Wilson.

(Grayson, Devin, writer. Chian, Cliff, illustrator The Scorpion and the Frog. Nightwing no 113, e-book ed. DC Comics, 2005. pp. 19)

The thesis of Taylor’s run is that people need to rely on one another — we have to be each other’s safety net. And while that is an interesting theme to explore and one that certainly speaks to Dick’s history of doing things on his own out of fear of putting others in danger, Dick should still, more times than not, be able to do things by himself. After all, this is not an ensemble piece — this is Nightwing’s story and as his fans, we want to read about him. Cameos are fine. They can be fun, in fact. But cameos are different from Dick constantly struggling and needing help whenever he faces a challenge – the former portrays Dick as someone with powerful connections that deeply love him; the latter portrays Dick as being incapable of doing things without someone holding his hand.

This is another thing that Waid understands about Dick and portrays it clearly in World’s Finest. When Kara explains to Clark what first attracted her to Dick, she emphasizes how, despite the fact he had no powers, he could still save himself. 

(Waid, Mark, writer. Lupacchino, Emanuela, illustrator. Scream of the Chaos Monkey. Batman/Superman: World’s Finest no. 12, e-book ed. DC Comics, 2023. pp. 06 - 07)

Being not just competent, but exceeding even the highest expectations is at the core of Dick’s character. And, as was pointed out in the previous section, it also serves to feed into his toxic perfectionism — he is one of the top tier heroes, therefore people expect excellence from him. Dick does not want to fail those who put their trust in him, and so he demands perfection of himself to the point of self-destruction.

Beyond that, we cannot give Taylor credit for trying to tell a story about Dick growing out of his perfectionist bad habits by learning to rely on others. After all, if Dick is constantly asking for help, then he is not resisting help. And that removes his chance for growth. A character arc requires development and change, which means one cannot start at the endpoint. Therefore, it cannot be claimed that Taylor’s intentions are for Dick to learn to rely on others, for he has been doing so without hesitation since the beginning. 

As a result, the story is not about Dick being Bludhaven’s safety net while learning that he also has a safety net of his own, but rather about Dick always relying on his safety net, always knowing it was there, and having them also shoulder the responsibilities he took when he named himself Bludhaven’s protector. There is no room for Dick to grow because he is already at the end of his journey. And there is no room for Dick to be the hero of his story because others are constantly coming to his rescue when things get too difficult.

Once more, I must clarify that I’m not saying that Dick is not loved, or that Dick is not important to many people. I’m simply stating that the way his relationships are built gives him very little room to rely on them. He is their safety net but he doesn’t trust them to be his safety net. Exploring this requires going into the nuances of each relationship, where conflicts are created, and where people hurt the other in the heat of an argument. It would mean dealing with the messiness of complex human emotions, forcing characters and the audience to sit with uncomfortable feelings as we get to the root of Dick’s perfectionism and his fears.  

In June of 2022 a reader on Twitter asked Taylor about his decision to have Dick constantly falling, for, as they pointed out, this makes Dick look incompetent.

(Jonathan [@Nightwingdagoat]. Twitter, 21 June 2022, https://twitter.com/Nightwingdagoat/status/1539267708310765568)

Taylor responded by saying that these instances were Redondo’s call, and that it was their attempt to humanize Dick.

(Tom Taylor [@TomTaylorMade]. Twitter, 21 June 2022, https://twitter.com/Nightwingdagoat/status/1539267708310765568)

In fairness to Taylor, the following criticism will then be directed primarily at Redondo who believed these instances were the best way to “remind people that Nightwing is human.” That being said, as Taylor appears to support such a position, and as he has written numerous incidents where Dick is conveniently knocked over by others, I do believe this can be directed at him as well. 

Simply put, to have a character constantly fall is a superficial and lazy way to humanize said character. Casual falls like this, after all, are not failures. They contribute little to the story and have very little consequence.  

Nothing happens once Dick falls. The bad guy doesn’t get away, the innocent civilian is not hurt, the crucial piece of evidence needed to crack the case is not destroyed. There are no lasting consequences for Dick to deal with, no conflict that can arise from these falls, no tension to make Dick’s future success more emotionally effective. Furthermore, these falls are completely out of Dick’s control, taking away any responsibility he might have for his mistakes. 

If the flaws that are meant to “humanize” Dick are falls which he bears no agency over, then he, the good guy, has no responsibility over his own “failures.” Said “failures” also end up having no consequences to the plot, which gives Dick no crisis to respond to (furthering his passivity), and this robs Dick of character development opportunities. 

It creates a stasis in the story where the only conflicts Dick faces are the ones against really bad guys that always – always – lose to Dick and his connections, and ones which do not ask for moments of introspection.

Despite almost never falling in The Untouchable, Dick is far more human there than in Taylor’s and Redondo’s run. This is because Dick is forced to face the consequences of his “failure” to capture the Judge twice in the past. Dick is constantly thinking about the Judge’s victims, forcing himself to carry their lives on his shoulder. He pushes himself to toxic lengths. Whenever the Judge escapes his grasp, the conflict evolves, the stakes are raised, and the tension builds. Dick’s desperation becomes visceral to the reader, and that is what humanizes him to the reader. Similarly, the emotional pay-off of the climactic battle in the end grows with each obstacle Dick faces.

(Humphries, Sam, writer. Chang, Bernard, illustrator The Untouchable: Chapter Four: Infiltration. Nightwing: Rebirth no. 38, e-book ed. DC Comics, 2018. pp. 09)

But Dick’s newbie incompetence is not the only way Taylor mischaracterizes Dick. It is by combining the lighthearted tone of his story, his depiction of Dick as a blank canvas “good guy,” his avoidance of conflict, and his attempts at answering difficult real-world problems that Taylor ends up creating a version of Dick Grayson that is utterly self-absorbed and lacking in foresight.

Telling and not showing is an immense problem in Taylor’s writing. There’s a difference between how a writer attempts to portray a character and how, given their actions in the context of the narrative created, the story shows them to be the complete opposite. In such cases, the story triumphs over the writer. This is why I claim that, though Taylor tells the reader that Dick is caring, intelligent, and a hard worker, he actually shows Dick as as selfish, incompetent, and naive.  

Take, as an example, how Taylor sidelines the Heartless storyline in favor of slice-of-life scenes. If Heartless was not there, perhaps those sweet moments could be just that. However, as in the world of the story there is currently a serial killed running around free, making orphans out of the youth Dick vowed to protect, the fact that Dick is not constantly working to catch Heartless is not only out of character, it makes it so it seems he doesn't care what happens to the people of Bludhaven (And now also Gotham, given #111, which was released as this essay was being edited). Rather than stopping crime and bringing justice to Heartless’ victims, Dick would rather spend his nights in his apartment, enjoying a relaxing evening with his girlfriend and his dog. 

Please do not take this to mean that I consider a slice-of-life story to be inferior to other genres. My reason for highlighting this is not to undermine the value of slice-of-life, but rather to argue that such scenes do not live in isolation. They exist within the context of a larger narrative, and what would be sweet in a sitcom-style story comes across as something entirely different when other characters are facing life-and-death stakes. It does not matter how much the writer tells us that these characters are caring and compassionate — their lack of action and urgency portrays them as self-centered. 

Just as Taylor attempts to write the big climatic moments without properly building the momentum necessary to make them impactful, he similarly forgoes the work required to win the reader’s trust, and instead expects his audience to simply accept that important plot and character developments are happening off-screen. Rather than letting the audience experience the intrigue and devastation of the Heartless mystery by showing us how the horrors of these murders motivate Dick to continuously search for this cruel killer, Taylor instead advances these elements off-screen, opting instead to tell the reader they’ve occurred.

That is not to say that writers cannot streamline plots. They absolutely can and, in some cases, they absolutely should. However, streamlining a subplot is a far more complicated matter than just telling the reader said events happened off-screen and expecting them to simply accept it. 

While it is impossible to provide a precise checklist with the step-by-step guidelines on how to properly streamline a subplot, I believe one of the factors one must consider is whether that plot should be streamlined or not. Personally, I believe that Dick investigating the character who was meant to be this run’s main villain is too big and too important of a story to be played off offscreen.

Dick has hardly spent any time attempting to apprehend Heartless. Instead, as time of writing, his investigation of Heartless has practically nonexistent. Instead, after not focusing on him for the majority of the run, we are simply told by Dick and Babs that they’ve been keeping an eye on Heartless, even if their investigation is never shown to us. 

(Taylor, Tom, writer. Basri, Sami Nightwing. Nightwing: Rebirth. 111, e-book ed. DC Comics, 2023. pp 09)

If we, as readers, are to believe that Dick is the selfless detective and hero — the Heart of the DCU — that Taylor tell us he is, then finding and apprehending Heartless should be one of his top priorities. If Heartless was meant to be Nightwing’s big nemesis, then their confrontation should always be a source of great tension and conflict. Such importance would be demonstrated by showing Dick working towards stopping him at every moment he has free. But either those moments are not happening at all, or they are happening off-screen.

Having such an important conflict and such a crucial antagonistic dynamic develop does nothing to enrich the plot — in fact, it only detracts from them, for because we do not get to witness this relationship grow and we are only told that it is happening, the pay off that must come when Nightwing and Heartless finally have a big confrontation will be cheapened as a result. 

Heartless' actions are so brutal and create such urgency that not prioritizing Heartless' arrest makes it seem like Dick doesn't care about his victims. Batman doesn't wait around when the Joker breaks out of Arkham – he hunts the Joker down. Similarly, Dick didn't wait around on the Judge – he hunted him down. 

For Heartless to be the Big Bad, Dick should have put him in jail already and Heartless should have escaped. DIck should have faced him multiple times. He should have been Dick's priority because of how cruel and urgent his actions are.

Finally, there are three particular moments that I wish to discuss to illustrate how ambivalent Taylor is when it comes to Dick’s characterization, choosing to prioritize online discourse over who Dick Grayson’s established history and personality. 

The first one comes from a throwaway line. And yet, because this was a throwaway line that demonstrated how little thought Taylor gives to his main character. 

When Tim makes his first appearance in Taylor’s run in #80, Dick’s narration says that many would consider Tim to be the best Robin, and that he “totally gets it.”

(Taylor, Tom, writer. Redondo, Bruno, illustrator.  Leaping into the Light Part Three. Nightwing: Rebirth. 80, e-book ed. DC Comics, 2021. pp 09)

“Who is the best Robin” is a discourse that I, admittedly, care very little for. It serves no purpose other than to get fans to fight one another, bashing each other’s favorite characters in order to prop up their own. When posed on social media, this question becomes a thinly veiled attempt to generate high engagement. In reality, when people discuss “who is the best Robin,” they are, most often than not, truly arguing about who is their favorite Robin. But the question is framed in a way to be purposefully divisive, creating conflict within the fan community. The fact that DC plays into that divisiveness that requires their characters to be brought down so others can be lifted up for marketing material is concerning, but the fact that writers such as Taylor are letting that fan perception bleed into in-universe narration is nothing less than lazy writing that prioritizes online leaning into buzz over good storytelling.  

Naturally, as a Dick Grayson fan my opinion is that Tim is not the best Robin. Dick is. But my problem is not that Taylor said that Tim was the better Robin, but that I think Dick would never concede to the existence of a “best Robin.” In fact, not only do I believe that it is out of character for Dick to believe that one Robin can be defined as the best Robin, I would argue that Dick would be offended that such a question could be asked.

Dick, more than any of the other Robins, understands the purpose of a Robin, as he was the one who created the mantle. By seeing so many others inherit his family’s colors and his mother’s name for him, he also understands better than anyone that each person who becomes Robin has their purpose in their own unique way. Dick would understand how each of them made the Robin mantle unique, how they added to its mythos in their own way, and how all of their contributions are equally valid and equally important. He would never single out one of them as the best because he knows that Robin is about an ideal of justice by bringing light into the darkness. Most importantly, understanding how many Robins tied their self-worth to the mantle, Dick would never want others to feel as if they fell short of some arbitrary measure by proclaiming they are not “the best.” Dick would be against that measure, against the very idea of ranking Robins, as if they were interchangeable, as if they each didn’t make relevant contributions. He would hate the idea of the mantle he created in honor of his parents being used to judge and measure the worth of those he loves. Dick would argue that there can never be a "best Robin" because Robin is always about being your best self in the service of those who need your help, and you can't quantify that.

The concept of a “Best Robin” is a marketing strategy and a fan-oriented discourse that Taylor casually imposed into the narrative without considering whether his protagonist would adhere to such ideas. He prioritized internet discourse over characterization, and while the former may be immediately fulfilling as the page is cropped and shared a few thousand times in the first few days after publication, only the latter will leave an impression that will last decades. Taylor is embodying a current DC Comics trend to favor the former over the latter. As scholar Steve Baxi said in his review of Leaping into the Light, that page “doesn’t feel like Dick Grayson appreciating his brother, it feels like Dick Grayson saying what the audience wants to hear.” (Baxi, Steve, “TRADE COLLECTION REVIEW: Nightwing Vol. 1 - Leaping Into The Light” Comics Bookcase, August 2021)

Although they share similar problems, unlike the “Tim is the best Robin” throwaway narration, the second example I wish to discuss in detail became a big plot point in the beginning of Taylor’s run. I’m referring to the choice of having Dick become a billionaire due to the inheritance Alfred left to him.

To be more clear, my problem is not with the fact that Taylor made Dick into a billionaire (after all, Dick inheriting wealth from his parents is not a novel concept), but rather with Dick’s musings on the subject. (Dick’s financial situation is inconsistent across the years. While some like Dixon and Wolfman allude to him having a trust fund his parents set aside and that remained untouched until Dick’s adulthood, other writers like Humphrey who portray him as more middle class and sometimes struggling financially. Then there are the numerous times in which Dick was left homeless, implying that he did not have a safety fund to go to when tragedy struck.) On #79, Dick says, without a hint of irony, that he always thought that Bruce could do more to help Gotham with Bruce Wayne’s money than he does as Batman. 

(Taylor, Tom. writer, Redondo, Bruno, illustrator Leaping into the Light Part Two. Nightwing: Rebirth. 79, e-book ed. DC Comics, 2021. pp 07)

This is a popular online discourse that reveals lack of knowledge about Batman and a naive understanding of how corrupt systems function. I understand we are currently very critical (and rightly so) of billionaires and the hoarding of wealth. I understand that this leads many — media critics and everyday fans — to analyzing how wealth is portrayed in the stories that resonate within our culture. But anyone who claims that Bruce has not used his wealth for the benefit of Gotham outside of funding his Batman endeavors has not engaged properly with Batman media. I’m not going to go into the merits of how Bruce’s wealth should or should not be portrayed and how DC has currently been handling this issue (that is the subject for an entirely different essay that is not relevant to this discussion), but I will say that Bruce has, canonically, used a lot of his money to fund safety net programs in Gotham, to invest in small businesses and on individuals, and in trying to make the city more affordable and kinder to those with less. 

Twitter user Ashley|TheBatFamily 🦇 (@TheBat_Family) created a comprehensive Twitter thread of examples. These are but some of the ones that stood out to me and that feel most relevant to this essay:

In Cataclysm, Bruce attempted to lobby the US government to offer aid to Gotham after the earthquake; 

Bruce used his money to rebuild the city during No Man’s Land;

Bruce invested in the people who were ready to start new businesses so Gotham could offer jobs to its people and rebuild itself without being fully dependent on others;

Bruce created scholarships so more people could attend university;

Bruce funds Leslie’s free clinic as well as other hospitals around Gotham;

Bruce invested on low-income housing developments in Gotham by working with local firms, providing accommodations to local residents so no one would be displaced;

Bruce expanded and modernized Gotham’s public transportation system;

Bruce ensured all Wayne properties were secured against earthquakes (which led to those residences being the only ones standing during NML);

Bruce funds libraries and museums;

Bruce funds green efforts not just in Gotham, but in other places by buying land and making them nature preserves;

Bruce funds orphanages and provided them resources (from educational supplies to toys for the children);

Bruce provided support for immigrants;

Bruce funds appeals for wrongful convictions;

Bruce provides employment for former convicts;

(Ashley [TheBat_Family]. Twitter, 13 October 2020, https://twitter.com/TheBat_Family/status/1316006509923520512.)

In short, Bruce Wayne has done everything and more that Dick claimed he wished to do for Bludhaven. There’s nothing novel about the idea. Batman narratives don’t put as much focus on these endeavors and do not place as much emphasis on Bruce’s philanthropy simply because they Batman stories are, at their core, detective stories first and foremost. Their focus is on investigation and crime solving (Though I would argue that Cataclysm and No Man’s Land put a lot of focus on issues of wealth, class, and examine Bruce’s financial responsibility towards the city).

But just because these examples are not the focus of the stories in which they are present, it does not mean that they do not exist. Neither does it mean that Batman stories do not engage with themes of wealth and class inequality, as well as systemic corruption. In fact, I would argue that many of the best ones know how to use Bruce’s privileged status to explore these issues. The Court of Owls by Scott Snyder, for example, brilliantly uses the Court and the Talons to engage with these themes. (An essay analyzing the Court of Owls through such a lens would be a fascinating study, especially when exploring the parallels and foils between the Court and the Talons, and Bruce and Dick. Alas, this is not the place for it.)

Dick, who not only has always been characterized as knowing Bruce better than most people,  but who was also raised by Bruce, would know about every single one of the examples listed above. Dick, of all people, had a front row seat to all the ways in which Bruce helped Gotham with his wealth, both in examples that were covered by the press, and the ones Bruce did secretly without taking credit. Dick attended countless fundraising events, press briefs, boardroom meetings. But most importantly, Dick would have witnessed with his very own eyes that lack of funding is not at the root of Gotham’s problems.  The problem in Gotham is not lack of money or safety nets, but rather, it is that its systems are so corrupt that pumping more funds into it will do nothing to help those in need. Instead, it will only further enrich those who are already in power. That’s why in this comic book world with comic book conventions and comic book logic, Batman is needed. Batman is a disruption to the system, forcing it to change, dismantling it from both the outside and the inside. In Dixon and Grayson’s Nightwing runs, Dick’s understanding of systematic problems can be observed in his motivation to become a police officer, as he joins the force with the goal to weed out the corruption and dismantle the system from within. Money alone cannot save a city if the foundation was purposefully designed to favor those on the top by taking from those at the bottom.

(Dixon, Chuck, writer. McCarthy, Trevor, illustrator The Threshold. Nightwing. 60, e-book ed. DC Comics, 2001. pp 22)

But of course, Taylor never takes a moment to wonder how being raised by Bruce Wayne would influence Dick’s perspective on this matter. Instead, he once more takes a popular online discourse and makes Dick say it out without considering characterization. A more in-character and canonically accurate approach to such a story moment would have Dick comment on all the ways Bruce used his money behind the scenes to help Gotham, and how he wishes to do the same for Bludhaven. A single line change would have demonstrated Taylor's willingness to engage with Dick’s character history rather than just copying the hot takes he sees on social media. 

Not only that, this change in dialogue would also establish Bruce and Dick’s closeness as it would show that not only is Bruce a source of inspiration for Dick, but that Dick is one of the few people who have seen this side of Bruce. That would have also made the hug between Bruce and Dick in the #100 more emotionally effective and thematically cohesive, especially as they are in front of Alfred’s grave.

(Taylor, Tom, writer. Redondo, Bruno, illustrator Power Vacuum: Part Four: The Leap. Nightwing: Rebirth. 100, e-book ed. DC Comics, 2023. pp 44)

The truth is that Dick's Haven project engaged with issues homelessness only in the most shallow of manners. Rather than discussing the realities of this matter, it simply used it as a backdrop. It is an appropriation of hardships by someone who is unwilling to engage with the difficulties brought upon by said hardships. It is substance-less writing masquerading as social consciousness.

The third example I wish to cite which demonstrates Taylor’s lack of consideration for Dick’s character or his backstory comes when Haley is taken in #87. Dick’s internal monologue reads that “The last thing I’d want is for anyone to be threatened because they’re close to Dick Grayson,” referring to the fact that he is now a public figure thanks to the press conference he gave about his plans for Bludhaven. 

(Taylor, Tom, writer. Redondo, Bruno, illustrator Get Grayson. Nightwing: Rebirth. 87, e-book ed. DC Comics, 2021. pp 09)

The idea that Dick Grayson, billionaire Bruce Wayne’s first child, was unaware of the dangers faced by those associated with a public figure is laughable. The idea that the first Robin, who was often taken hostage by villains who wished to get to Batman (so much so that Frank Miller famously nicknamed him “Boy Hostage”), did not understand the threat posed to those who are close to powerful figures is insulting. After well over a decade as a superhero, and after well over a decade of being associated with a wealthy public figure, Dick should know better than most how such ties can put loved ones at risk. 

In-universe, this line makes Dick appear so self-centered that he does not take into consideration how his actions affect his loved ones. It makes him appear dense, unable to think through his actions and strategize contingency plans and safety precautions before taking such a giant risk. 

Out of universe, this betrays a lazy way of storytelling, with Taylor going for low-hanging fruits without thinking of how that might affect the characterization of his protagonist. Out of universe, a collection of throwaway, thoughtless lines like this demonstrates just how uninterested Taylor is in giving even the slightest consideration to who Dick Grayson is meant to be, instead putting his focus on the gimmick that will get him noticed on social media.

[the12thnightproject]

Chapter 33: Paper Prince. Katsu’s investigation sends her to the last place Mitsuhide wants her to go, with the last person he would want her to be with.

Mitsuhide x OC; Hideyoshi x MC (Mai)

All Chapters Archived on Ao3 

Logline - With Mai, Hideyoshi, and Aki missing, Mitsuhide and Katsuko reluctantly team up. Disguised as a merchant and his concubine, can they outsmart the man known as the God of Deceit?

Have lockpick, will travel…

Francisco was not home, and his building locked and closed up as if he expected to be gone for a while.  Another opportunity to put the lock picks to good use.  Now that I understood the trick to it all, it took me mere seconds to open the lock. No wonder these locks are not used very often - they're terrible.

It took only a few more minutes to break into the desk and retrieve my money. After considering the matter further, I also confirmed there were no false bottoms and hidden drawers in his desk. Though Francisco said he didn’t have any information that could help me find Aki now, I also wanted to find out who Aki had been in the past.  Aki then, the Aki my mother knew, he too was someone I needed to know, even if it was just the memory of who he used to be.

All I found was one more drawing. Francisco could have become an artist if he had not gone into a time traveling career. He’d sketched a large group of people sitting in a room full of books. I recognized Aki and my mother, but the others... wait... was that a toddler Sasuke? The serious expression seemed familiar, even if the mochi patterned onesie did not. I debated taking this with me too - when I found Sasuke again he'd be sure to find it amusing - but these were Francisco's memories and I couldn't steal them.

Another thing I couldn’t find? Tea. So with a pot of terrible coffee at my side, I picked up my old life, and after too many weeks, I settled down to finally, finally, finish decoding and reading Aki's letter. Cloud city moment… Sasuke… bank numbers. I skimmed past the old news, trying to find the point where I'd stopped.

However, just as Francisco has his reasons, I am requesting that you stay here. There is an important mission, a vital one that could mean the difference between the future of your timeline, of all timelines, and chaos. There is a young boy by the name of Hikosane. That is all I know about him in this timeline. Soon after you arrived in this era, a cataclysmic event splintered the timeline, and Hikosane (or sometimes Hiko) was sent onto very different paths. It is vital that this boy survives past his tenth birthday.

Hiko? Sho’s brother Hiko? It was not an uncommon name – there were probably dozens of Hikos scattered across the land. I read further, but Aki was not of any help.

Who is he? Unfortunately, that depends upon the timeline.

Great. I suppose I could proceed upon the fact that the Hiko I knew was about the correct age, and that he’d already nearly been killed. Why was he important, though? Was he someone special to the future? Someone’s father or grandfather? Oooh, what if he was my great, great x20 grandfather?

WHO is he, you are probably asking me now. As I once told Master Mikumo, he’s not anyone specific, but he is the butterfly. In every timeline, he will do something important to protect the future. It might be as simple as giving a warlord a mouthful of water at the right moment. Or it might be as complicated as growing up to be an important Daimyo himself. The event that threw his alternates onto different paths, didn’t erase his importance to the future… only his role.

Therefore, in every timeline, Iekane is trying to kill him. I once told you that I thought Iekane’s antipathy to you was simple jealousy.  That was not a lie, but it was not the entire story. And it is not a story that I am able to share.

Thanks Aki.

Katsuko, I am certain you believe I have given you few choices in this era, but in this, I have no other recourse but to tell you that what you do next is your decision. You may choose to reject everything I have told you, but I hope you do not. More than that, I hope that you never have to read this letter and that I have managed to give you this information in person. But if I have not, know that I am proud of you, and the life you have made for yourself here.

Aki

The sun was already at its highpoint when I finally put the decoded letter down. Not because it had been that difficult to decode, but because I'd had a hard time believing everything he had told me in his typical far too cryptic Aki way.

Of course because either he was in a hurry, or because he didn’t want to segue into science, Aki didn’t bother wasting time (time which he clearly had a lot of given due to the whole time travel thing) explaining. Why? How did he know these things, or how he knew that Hiko was important to the future? Why was Iekane trying to kill him?

Iekane.

There he was again. All roads led back to him.

Gunshot? Shojumaru and I both immediately alerted and looked around. There … a man, just in profile, slipping around the corner of the restaurant. The profile was enough though – it was Iekane.

Was I imagining that, inserting a memory of him at the scene because Aki's letter had suggested it to me?

I am not careless – I was pushed.

“It won’t matter if he runs.” Iekane made a fist, and I rolled away from the punch before it connected. “No matter how many timelines you try to save in him, we’ll always be waiting for you.”

Those, those were not my memories, and yet, they were clearer than the memory of the accident. What was happening to me?

“Hikosane – on the count of three, Okatsu will throw her knife behind and to the left of the snake. As soon as it turns to look at the knife, you are to roll to the right.”

My fingers were becoming numb, but there was no way I was going to let the boy or the branch slip away from me. Mentally, I chanted instructions to myself. Don’t let go of the branch…. Don’t let go of the boy… keep your mouth closed when you’re underwater. The last one was a difficult mantra to follow when all I wanted to do was cough up the water that I’d already swallowed.

I rubbed my eyes, hoping to find a path through these familiar-unfamiliar images. Was this the Hiko I would or had saved?

Should I retrieve Hiko and keep him with me? I couldn’t watch over him every minute of the day, and at some point Motonari would return. If he found me with Hiko, then he’d probably kill me on the spot.

Could I take Hiko to the Mountain for safety? Would he go with me if I asked?

What if he was the wrong Hiko?

Cursing Aki for giving me so few identifying details, I wondered if I should find Iekane and take care of him before he could get to Hiko?  It seemed that he was the key to finding Aki. And possibly finding the right Hiko.

And to find out where Iekane was, I'd have to go back to the last place I had gotten any word about him - de Sousa's.

Thankfully my breaking and entering skills were far better these days, thanks to... Mitsuhide.

That decided, I went through Francisco's office looking for tools that might help me next. An extra dagger, a few small trinkets that could be traded for food or other weapons, and some loose coins I found in the desk. What wasn’t in the office, and still missing, was my bravado. I hopefully hadn't left that at Mitsuhide's. I was going to need that the most.

What, or who, I wasn't going to need was Kyubei, but he was waiting outside Francisco's when I left the building. He was leaning against the wall of a restaurant, his expression as inscrutable as always. "Did he ask you to follow me, or is this a side gig?"

"He asked, but I would have followed you anyway. He only wishes to assure himself that you are safe, and know where to find you if he-" Kyubei paused, seemed to be choosing his wording, "Realizes he made a mistake letting you go."

"I am sure he didn’t say all that." While I had seen Mitsuhide beat himself up over imagined mistakes, this, my voluntary exit from his life, wasn’t the kind of thing that would torture him. Not unless my leaving eventually affected the Oda as a whole.

"No. He only said he wanted to make sure of your direction in case he located Aki." Kyubei handed me some coins. "I was paraphrasing."

Was this money from Mitsuhide… or Kyubei? Knowing that he would not take them back, even if I refused them, I put them in my coin purse. "Thank you. I haven't found him, although I have more information that suggests the person involved in his disappearance is one of Aki's old couriers. I’m going to follow that thread next."

When Kyubei relayed that to Mitsuhide, as I knew he would, Mitsuhide would understand who I meant.

"I wish you a good journey then." Kyubei bowed and there seemed to be a few more unsaid words in that bow. Then he walked away. I watched until he disappeared from view. He was totally going to double back and follow me - but it was always nice to have back-up.

Not wanting to have to sneak into de Sousa’s house in daylight, I decided to check up on my horse. I had hoped that Francisco might have managed to stop by and pet her, but given her mood when I arrived at the posting inn where I’d been boarding her, such visits had been few or not at all. To say she was annoyed at being cooped up for weeks would be an understatement. It took me most of the rest of the afternoon to ride the sulks out of her, and she nearly bit a chunk out of my shoulder in the process. Nor was she pleased that when the ride ended, I reluctantly returned her to the inn.

It was faster to walk to de Sousa’s, and had I brought her with me, I would have had to find a place to hide her.

As before, the lights on the second floor were bright, and I could see the shadows of men and women walking past. Another dinner or banquet? He certainly had an active social calendar.

After careful consideration of my options, I took the oilskin that I used when I was delivering messages, wrapped it around a blank piece of paper, and walked in the machiya as if I were simply making a delivery (it’s not as if I hadn’t delivered hundreds of messages in the past). Once inside the door, it was simple enough to peel off into the office unnoticed.

Good to know that several weeks with Mitsuhide had not dimmed my ability to blend into the scenery as if I were invisible.

It was quiet. No rain this ti—no. I refused to reminisce about the last time I'd been in here. The time when Mitsuhide had nearly desk-a-doned me to cover up our search. You are indeed remembering it. After mentally slapping myself in the face, I made my way to the desk that I totally wasn’t reminiscing about, and opened the (still unlocked) drawer.

It seemed that de Sousa never had discovered that Mitsuhide and I had gone through his desk. Having pinpointed the date of de Sousa's betrayal previously, it was a simple task to go through the subsequent correspondence in search of any clues to Iekane's current whereabouts.

Again, I flipped past personal looking missives, random business lists… there fewer letters to go through, and nothing at all from Portugal. Ok, that did make sense, as it wasn’t as if the big Portuguese ships were docking even on a monthly basis. He probably heard from Europe no more than one or two times a year.

At last, I found correspondence from Iekane himself. Unfortunately, it had limited information and was, in itself simply asking for where de Sousa would like balance of the funds delivered and noting that he had received the weapons, they met with approval, and would de Sousa be interested in a business proposition?

It was typical of Iekane’s half-lies and insinuations, and I got the impression he was feeling out de Sousa as to how far and how much he'd be willing to deal. I got it. The Nanban merchant had already reneged on a contract with Nobunaga, but that took little effort. He'd then slipped further into crime by looking the other way when Motonari had taken Hideyoshi and Mai prisoners (maybe he hadn’t even known about that, or at least refused to know). Perhaps he had convinced himself that he'd done nothing to cause their disappearance.

So here was Iekane asking, nudging, him further down the path of evil. Offering more business propositions… gauging interest.  

Unfortunately, this missive neither spelled out what he wanted de Sousa to do, nor gave any specific clues as to where he was currently located.

Ugh.

Frustrated, I started to reorganize the correspondence and --

Oh you've got to be kidding me.

Lying on top, (on top!) of the desk was another letter. It must have recently arrived. Clearly de Sousa was not an evil genius... no, just a man tempted down the slope into money and power who had not yet learned to lock his evil plans in a drawer! I’d given him too much credit and not even bothered to look on top of the desk.

If Mitsuhide had been here, he would have teased me for not thinking about that first… or, just waved the letter at me with a smug grin.

Cursing myself for the delay, I opened the letter, it was longer, but from context, de Sousa must have previously responded to Iekane’s feeler letter and professed himself willing to help. Iekane's response?  As long as you can supply muskets, I expect this to be a long and profitable partnership. Before the first snow falls, a representative from Ashikaga Yoshiaki will deliver a partial payment of silver for the next shipment of weapons.

Yoshiaki? The deposed Shogun? Where had I last heard his named mentioned? I attempted the twin memory tasks of putting everything back where I had found it, while I tried to recall exactly who had mentioned him before. Because the name had come up over the summer.

But standing around the office wouldn’t help me remember things, and it would increase the danger of discovery, so I gave the room one last double check, then slipped out, leaving the town house just as stealthily as I had entered it. Right on time, too. The current party seemed to be breaking up, as I heard the thumping of footsteps from the top floor.

Sticking close to the shadow of the building, I turned to make my way back toward the center of the city. Just as I reached the corner, I paused. What if that letter from Iekane had been delivered by a messenger who stayed for dinner? After all, the letter had been on top of the desk, which indicated a recent arrival. For that matter, what if it had been delivered by lekane himself?

Ok, that last bit was unlikely. If Iekane brought the letter in person, well, then he would have had no need to write it down. Even so, it was worth watching those who departed the building. I couldn't follow all of them, but it was worth making a note of who was there and checking them out later. Ducking behind an ornamental shrub, I crouched lower and smaller to observe the guests.

Tadayo, the fabric merchant, ok, he was a possible messenger, given his prior connection with Motonari. A trader who was also a member of the Kaigoshu. I couldn’t figure an obvious interest there. If I recalled correctly, his primary business was exporting local ceramics in trade for Chinese and Indian art. Then a tall graceful man who I had no problem identifying, as there was no mistaking the elegant profile of Yoshimoto.

“I've little experience with him, though I once saw him conversing with an agent of Yoshiaki, which does not speak well of him.” Yoshimoto folded up the handkerchief as neatly, more neatly in fact, than it had been and picked up another.

Ah ha! Yoshimoto was the one who mentioned seeing ‘Shojumaru’ with Yoshiaki.

Congratulations Yoshimoto… you’ve just become a person of interest.

While I watched from my stakeout shrub, Yoshimoto climbed into a waiting palanquin. Had he even left Sakai in the past month? Either way, it was likely that he was at the same inn as before.

By the time Yoshimoto drifted into his room, I was waiting there for him. Not to be mistaken for an intruder (ok, I was an intruder, but not one with nefarious intentions), I had left a few lanterns burning. As intended, he saw me as soon as he entered, and without appearing to be startled, he simply bowed. "Katsu, you're looking well. I'd heard you'd been in an accident, but when I inquired if I could stop by, Mitsuhide said you were too ill."

Really? Mitsuhide hadn't mentioned that. So much had happened since the accident that it felt like it had occurred a year ago, instead of merely weeks. "There were a few days where I would not have been suitable for visitors." And I doubted that even Yoshimoto’s benign affection for me would have survived if I had thrown up on him. "Anyway, I've recovered."

Without acknowledging that I had broken into his rooms (after all this breaking and entering I'd been doing, the color of my parachute was probably larceny), Yoshimoto treated me like an invited guest, offering me sake, then when I turned that down, called for a tea maid to come and make us a fresh pot.

In the meanwhile, he, without any modesty, changed into his night kimono, pressing the tea maid into service as a valet of sorts. I allowed Yoshimoto the time. While it was true I wanted answers to my questions, it seemed impolite to interrogate him while he was changing clothes. Plus, even though I was getting used to Yoshimoto’s casual indifference to nudity, the naked Yoshimoto was a bit distracting.  

Finally once the (slightly overcome) tea maid had departed (after receiving an elegant kiss on the back of her hand), Yoshimoto settled in. He didn’t exactly say, 'to what do I owe the honor of your call' but instead, with a graceful wave Yoshimoto indicated that I had the floor.

"Yoshiaki." Would Yoshimoto look guilty if he heard the name?

To the contrary, he simply closed his eyes for a moment, but when they reopened, he looked like he was in pain. "What have you discovered?"

"As far as I know, you're the last person who has seen him, or at least the last person I'm aware has seen him." Well aside from Motonari and - "wait, did you know that Shojumaru is Motonari Mouri?" Yoshimoto could have saved us a lot of time had he mentioned that before, and I finally felt a belated wave of sympathy for Mitsuhide, for if I had given up Kennyo's name in the early summer, I likely would have saved him some time as well.

"I did not. I only saw the man in passing as I was leaving." Yoshimoto pulled the tie out of his hair, and rubbed his scalp. His fine dark hair flew everywhere, puffing out, creating a nimbus in the lantern light. "In retrospect, it makes much sense... and I wish I had stayed to learn that. Yoshiaki meeting with someone with access to an army and a navy has far more ramifications than if he were meeting with a merchant. What else have you learned?"

To his credit, Yoshimoto dropped the lazy attitude and gave me his full attention.

Though I didn’t want to waste the time, I went ahead and summarized what had occurred over the past month. The rescue of Mai and Hideyoshi was a tangent to this and possibly not as important to someone tied to Kasugayama, but it had been the hoarding of information that had left both Yoshimoto and Mitsuhide with missing puzzle pieces, "Iekane was brokering a deal between Yoshiaki and de Sousa for more weapons. Personally, I'm interested in finding Iekane, and it seems if I am to do that, I need to find Yoshiaki.” Luckily Yoshimoto was already aware of the time travel aspect, or this would be a much longer conversation. “Do you know where he is?" I left unspoken a question of why Yoshimoto knew.

Yoshimoto rubbed his arm, almost as if he were reaching for a phantom limb. "I do. He wishes for the Imagawa to join him. I have been able to hold off my vassals by pointing out that alone, with our limited resources, such a campaign would lead to the slaughter of what little remains of our clan, but clearly the situation has changed."

"Is this a fight you wish to join?" Was I even now sitting down with an enemy of the Oda? Sure, I had always known that Sasuke worked for Kenshin, but I had never got the sense that his personal interest was to prolong the wars. Then again that had all been easier before I got to know the Oda better. Aki had always struck me as a lawful neutral (a clarification that was rapidly being reassessed to chaotic neutral), and I had figured that the information we were collecting was in the service of trying to help people out of the way of danger.

"In truth, what I wish to do and what I must do are on opposite sides of my being." Yoshimoto looked out the window, where the waning moon bathed him in an unearthly glow – it was as if he was fading in front of me. "If my vassals desire this battle, I am powerless to stop them, and my only chance is to join them to mitigate the loss of life." He looked back at me, "I imagine though, that the information you seek is only Yoshiaki’s direction."

I nodded, whatever emotion Yoshimoto was feeling, it was so thick it clogged the air in the room, invading my throat.

"You won't get anywhere near him. Though he has no army, he does have a large contingent of personal guards, and he is the guest of a daimyo who will protect his life and privacy." Yoshimoto sighed, and before I could point out that I didn’t need to get to Yoshiaki, only Iekane, he said, "I will take you there.”

@selenacosmic @lorei-writes @bestbryn @lyds323 @akitsuneswife @tele86

[thesilverlady]

Judging by how Ryan love to show his feminist ideals by making female characters go through unspeakable amount of non-canon abuse and violence. And the only way for Rhaenyra's story to be a progressive/feminist tale is by making her get abused by the men around her. I am going to assume it's wouldn't be that far for Ryan to change Rhae's death and makes her gets raped in 4k scene by aegon (who should be disabled but we know Ryan loves to ignore source material) like show Rhaenyra's got zero respect from the writers. Like even her relationship with Daemon which wasn't healthy in the book to begin with , is now not really about her but because Daemon got the hots for Viserys (some leaks implies it for Aemma) he started projecting into her and entered a relationship with her bc it's the closest he can get to Visussy 🤓 f&b was already bad for me personally but Ryan is such a talented mf he managed to come up with much worse

*sorry for the rant I don't really ship daemrya but I really hate watching a female character get non-canon abuse just for the writers to prove a point about a male character *

Edit: My answer became very negative so for the pookies who want to avoid discourse and negativity pls scroll past ♥

it's alright! no need to apologize! 🫶

tbh with you I do enjoy daemyra very much in the book but I fully acknowledge their dynamic has its toxicity (tbf it's super rare to find a wholesome, sweet, "healthy" asoiaf couple and I probably wouldn't even get that hooked compared to how I get with the dark ones)

That being said, the couple lost me already by s1 ep4, so it terms of shipping I've given up waiting anything from them

Now about the writing, hotd has been misogynistic from the start so I'm not exactly waiting for a transformation to happen in s2.

in s1 Alicent’s character was rewritten - in such a way that the new version of her doesn't even experience a moment of happiness or a second of having autonomy or power. She's always someone's punching bag while also her being hypocritical and nasty to Rhaenyra

Laena's way of death was completely unnecessary and brutal, similiar to Aemma's. And the fact they made getting burnt alive being "a dragon rider's death" already gave a hint about how Rhaenyra's death will be seen if it follows canon.

asoiaf established how brutal dragon fire is when Rhaegal bathed Quentyn after he tried to tame Viserion. It's not "honorable" as hotd tries to make it be, it's torturous. And my concern with Rhaenyra's death is that it won't be seen for its brutality.

To continue Baela & Rhaena were barely given any lines, their role as kids was getting dismissed but their dad and as adults they were just standing silently - you'd think they were background characters.

Mysaria's character was brushed off by erasing the child loss she went through due to Viserys - which debatably worked as a trigger for the events she also did in the plot.

Rhaenys was downright written as an idiot who was envious of Rhaenyra and instead of supporting her, she was trying to "humble" her by being an asshole. When she got the opportunity to destroy the greens during the coronation she walked away because.... *check notes" she made eye contact with alicent and the power of motherhood won? her granddaughters being engaged wasn't enough for her to act I guess.

Then there's Helaena, who while she did have an extremely tiny role in the book, it doesn't justify making her extra passive. I've talked about this before but making her having "dragon dreams" is useless and a waste of time and it's also a great excuse to have her be dismissed and ignored.

Helaena in the book was said to be pleasant, motherly, patient and calm. I won't mention the leaks I've read about b&c but if they're true they paint her in a very weird light.

Rhaenyra deserves an entire post of her own. If alicent was the punching bad Rhaenyra is the bing bong boll being tosses from one person to another each second.

So yeah, the issue isn't about shipping or even which teams anyone sides with. The writing is atrocious to all the female characters, and what's the cherry on top is the showrunners constantly patting themselves in the back for being "feminist" and GA falls for it!

I'm so burnt out 😩 This is why I've decided to attempt turn off the media analysis for the show 'cause it's like kicking a dead horse. My goal for this season is to try to vent less and enjoy whatever I can put of context without thinking too hard about it.

[yuridovewing]

My least favorite retcons include:

- whatever the hell they did to Ravenpaw in Redtail’s Debt, Redtail’s Debt as a whole

- them making Onestar, Morningflower, and Ashfoot siblings, while also confirming that Heathertail is his daughter

- the whole Hollowflight/Ivypool friendship being erased

- Sorreltail’s entire death??

- Fernsong being retroactively confirmed to have actually raised the kits when there was no mention of it/scene of him doing so in the actual books

- Goldenflower being made to be around Bluestar’s age is uncomfortable given the fact that Frostfur was left behind with the other elders despite being Bluestar’s apprentice

- Making Bluestar much younger than it’s implied she was in the main series, thinking of the line where it says something akin to “most of these cats never lived under a leader besides Bluestar”

And not necessary retcons but Frostfur and Brindleface being sisters is so bad. Lionheart being Frostfur’s mate is bad since it retroactively makes TigerDove distantly related. Hawkwing and Pebbleshine being cousins, hell just the amount of inbreeding in SkyClan despite being made up of unrelated rogues, kittypets, etc.

NO CAUSE YOURE SO RIGHT!!! no real opinion on ravenpaw’s change cause i haven’t read redtails debt, but i did hear that they just completely forgot that its a critical detail that redtail didnt kill oakheart. which is just so funny to me. good job everybody

honestly i just get the vibe that they made onestar and ashfoot siblings just to piss off the fandom. cause like theres no way in hell that they’re unaware of the incest at this point. like. idk this is on the same level to me as “omg lets make pebblehawk first cousins!”

SORRELTAIL OH MY GOD people forget that was actually a retcon. she was perfectly fine in the last hope, vicky just really really hated her and wanted her in the dirt (you may think im being hyperbolic but, like, no, vicky actually ranted about how “boring” she was when a fan asked how she felt about her parents and kids’ deaths and said ‘she isnt miserable enough shes too happy and thats stupid”. it literally is in there cause vicky put her through hell and back and couldnt get enough of that. and people think the misogyny in this series is up for debate.)

ohhhhh my god all the tpb age retcons are so frustrating. its worse cause like, why do snowfur and leopardfoot and all these cats give birth the second theyre out the warriors den? why is bluestar only about a year older than her nephew?? ive ranted about the shadowclan elders all being retconned to be super young actually, but its everywhere. (in razorverse i try to fix this by making snowfur and leopardfoot have whitekit and tigerkit wayyyyyyy later. like when theyre 4 instead of 1.)

-honestly 9/10 of the time, a family tree retcon is gonna be awful. who asked for spottedleaf to be tigerstar’s aunt. which deranged individual keeps insisting that whitestorm is ashfur and fernclouds dad.

adderswift isnt real. lets go get some ice cream

[faroreswinds]

So I just skimmed Good Omens Season 2. Some spoilers below in case anyone who follows me cares about Good Omens.

It's a bit of a train of messy thoughts than anything structured.

It's interesting that God is entirely absent. She was the narrator throughout season 1, but was never really an antagonistic force. Rather, she was a force who simply had an agenda that not even her own angels understood. She had a Plan. And it was working. She's fucking God, after all.

Her absence here is therefore very notable. There are moments in the season that really make God seem less mysterious and more sinister. If the story extends from S1 properly, though, it would be more in line for God if she knew that Aziraphale would intervene. Again, she's God. She already knows what will happen. But we can't be sure, because they removed her voice.

Of course, God in the Bible can be quite wrathful. But any Christian worth their salt knows that the Bible stories are mostly a load of nonsense, and are really just tales to teach lessons.

I disagree with some of the discourse I read about S2. Lots of fans seem to think Aziraphale has "religious trauma", I take I entirely disagree with. Aziraphale represents what Heaven should be. And he believes, truly, that Heaven should be good.

However, he's not stupid. He's naive. But that's not stupidety. He knows Heaven can be cruel and at odds with the image it thinks it projects and what it does project. He literally starts the season avoiding angels in general.

So when he goes with Metatron, and hears about the Second Coming, we see his face for a moment. He knows that the Second Coming is not going to be a good thing.

I believe that also plays into his decision to walk into the elevator. He not only believes he can do good, truly, for humanity and for Crowley, but I think he will seek to thwart or find ways to stop the Second Coming from the inside.

He doesn't want the world to end. He's not about just killing people because of God's supposed Will. He would have to be pretty brainwashed to go along with whatever Heaven tells him to do without attempting to change it even a little bit.

I don't think he's suspicious of Metatron yet. He does truly believe in Heaven's goodness and thinks he can finally go the greatest good in his new position. That's where his naiveté lies. But I don't think he's going to be a complete puppet in season 3.

I would be shocked if he was.

Anyways, some little trivia on the Metadron for anyone. His inclusion is quite interesting.

The Bible itself does not mention him. He's mentioned the books of Enoch, which are not considered religious texts in Christianity. He is also mentioned in the Talmud, another text unimportant to Christians but an important text for Judaism.

An interesting choice, considering Good Omens plays upon Christianity moreso than the other Abrahamic religions. But according to Christianity, this angel doesn't exist.

So who is this guy? Well, according to the texts that DO mention him, he is the second most powerful being in the universe, second only to God. He was once a man named Enoch, who ascended into Heaven without dying and became an angel. He was given a throne next to God's. He is God's scribe, and one of the few angels who is allowed to look upon the Almighty.

He is also thought to guard the Tree of Life, and to write down the good deeds of the people on earth in the Book of Life.

I bring up the Book of Life because the show did. They only mention it a few times, but they say that Aziraphale could be erased from the Book of Life if they find he was involved with the runaway Gabriel. This, in turn, would erase him from existence. Forever.

Now the Book of Life does appear in the Bible. And it does record the names of those who who had done good deeds. But it seems to have some debate if one can be erased from the Book once one's name is in it. Some texts say you can't have your name erased. Other texts might imply that it's possible.

I'm not an expert enough to claim what is supposed to be true.

In the show, erasing one's name is a possibility. And it's not just the humans who have their names in the book, but the angels as well (and most likely demons too). Your existence relies on being written in the book. So it functions a little differently than the religious texts state it does.

Although, if it's true that everyone existing needs to have their name in the Book of Life... then why didn't the Heavenly beings just erase the Demons from it? Would have won their war in seconds. Kinda feel like this inclusion wasn't exactly thought through. Unless it was all a trick from the beginning? After all, Crowley didn't believe it was real (and he was a pretty high-ranking angel before he fell, at least a Throne or Dominion, or above. Thrones rank the third highest types of angels and Dominion's the fourth, btw, so that's pretty dang high).

Idk. Hopefully, S3 will clear that bit up.

If Neil and Terry's ranking is anything similar to the rankings as presented in the Bible, then Michael and the other archangels are ranked actually quite low. Second from the lowest, in fact. Angels are the lowest, then the archangels above them.

This would mean that Crowley outranked Michael and the others by a lot.

Of course, I don't think Neil and Terry used the Bible's hierarchy. There are a lot more ranks (at least 38), and the inclusion of Metadron makes things spicy.

Metadron is classified as an archangel. But he's also supposed to be the highest ranking angel in existence. Not to mention he's not a Christian angel. The other religions have their own rankings for their angels. So I don't think they went with this model.

Anyways. I'm surprised some people were bothered by the kiss. I thought it made sense. Of all the demons and angels, Crowley and Aziraphale are the most human. They do human things and enjoy human pleasures. They laugh, use sarcasm, eat, love. And come on, S1 they were clearly in love. Even if they hadn't realized. Even Neil said it was a love story years ago, so Crowley kissing Aziraphale is most certainly not out of left field.

They may be played by men and use male pronouns, but canonically, they are sexless and immortal beings. Who have spent the past 6000 years playing footsie with each other and having their hearts flutter whenever one does something a little good, or the other do something a little bit naughty.

It's really a shame that this is more of a backstory season meant to set up the real story of S3. I hope they bring God back.

I'm curious how Metadron will play into all of this. He's an oddity.

First of all, he's the only angel to wear black. The rest wear white and gold, but him? Entirely black.

Second, he's the only angel who seems to be aware of how to seem human, besides Aziraphale of course. The other angels are entirely oblivious to the ways of humanity, but this dude strolled in and ordered a coffee. He knows what reading is. He knows stuff.

He presents himself as a kindly old man, but he's also clearly not one. He has ulterior motives. But unlike the other angels, who couldn't hide their intentions if they tried, this guy expertly presented a false facade with ease.

There's no doubt that he is a superior being to all of them.

He does briefly appear in Season 1, when Aziraphale tries to speak to God. Interestingly, Aziraphale seems confused at who the Metadron is, as if he never heard of him before. And while a few online sources claim the Metadron is God (since he is the Voice of the Almighty), I don't really believe them to be the same (and neither did Aziraphale).

Oh, and if you are wondering what rank Aziraphale is, he's a Principality. The third lowest ranking angel. He's actually supposed to be a higher rank than Michael but isn't treated as such, which is why I don't think Neil and Terry went with the Biblical rankings.

It's really a shame season 3 won't be around for a while. I'm curious where they will go from here.

[snowywrites]

Monika x Fem!reader

summary: fluffy fic of Monika and the reader on the reader's birthday.

word count: 2.4k

As far as birthdays go, this one wasn't really anything too special. Well, maybe you're being a little too cynical. After all, last year you hadn't really gotten to spend your birthday with any friends- you'd been preoccupied with getting home to watch the newest season of your favorite anime.

This year, however, Sayori had managed to get you into the Literature Club, and it had, not to be dramatic, changed your life. For better or worse, that was yet to be seen.

"Y/N, is everything okay?" Sayori asks expectantly, bright blue eyes examining you with bewilderment.

You focus back on the present, giving your friend a reassuring smile. "Yeah, sorry! Everything's great." And you aren't lying; today for the club meeting, Natsuki had brought cupcakes for everyone to share, Sayori had actually not realized what day it was and so gave you a 'birthday hug,' Yuri had given you a copy of one of her favorite horror novels as a gift, even signed by the author, and yet...

You can't help but give a very small sigh. "I just kind of miss Monika, I guess."

Sayori, Natsuki, and Yuri all exchange glances in their respective chairs at one of the club tables. They then all focus on you with varying expressions: Sayori with mischief, Natsuki with exasperation, and Yuri with knowing amusement.

"What? Don't look at me like that!" You squeak defensively, feeling your face begin to heat up at what they were implying. "I only meant that it's- it's weird being at a meeting without our club president! T-That's all." Not that this could be called a meeting per se- more like a celebration between friends.

Sayori giggles at your reaction, and you hear Yuri whisper to Natsuki, "The lady doth protest too much," which elicits a snort of laughter from the pink-haired tsundere.

You groan, standing up abruptly from your seat and smoothing down your school uniform a bit, self-conscious all of a sudden. As your embarrassment dies down though, you feel a wave of affection for your fellow club members. As much as they tend to tease you about your little crush on Monika, they had made your birthday really special this year, and you were grateful. "Anyway, thank you guys again for everything! I had a lot of fun," you say earnestly, deciding it was probably time to wrap up and head home.

Sayori bounces up to join you, and you bid your farewells to Natsuki and Yuri, gathering up your things and heading out of the classroom.

Sayori glances back to make sure that Natsuki and Yuri are in fact walking away, and then she reaches out to stop you. "Uhm, Y/N...?"

You pause to look at her expectantly, unsure of why she's much less energetic now than she was a few minutes ago. "Yes?"

"I-I was actually supposed to tell you something," your best friend begins, uncharacteristically quiet. You wonder briefly why she hadn't mentioned this before... maybe she had been debating on whether or not she actually wanted to tell you whatever it is, considering how the words are practically being dragged from her at this point. "Ah, well, Monika asked me to, that is. The reason she couldn't come to the Literature Club today was because she was stuck at a meeting with the student council, but..." Sayori exhales in what could be a sigh. "She did still wanna see you for your birthday, so she hoped you could stop by there and wait for her."

You stand there in the mostly empty hall of the school, puzzled at why this news would bring such a reaction from your friend- especially when it makes you feel so fluttery inside. "Oh!" You try not to let it show, but you're fairly certain you're lighting up like a Christmas tree. "I see. Thank you for telling me, Sayori!"

As you turn to leave, you feel Sayori reach out to touch your shoulder, but she retracts her hand quickly. When you look back at her, she's her old self, giving you a big smile. "Yeah, I guess you're gonna go see her, huh? Well, I'll catch you later, Y/N!"

Before you can respond, Sayori dashes off, forgetting to wish you a happy birthday.

Well, that was weird. Then again, Sayori's been pretty off lately whenever you and Monika are involved.

The thought of the brunette is enough to make you forget all about whatever might be troubling your best friend, and you make your way through the school to the student council room with a giddy spring in your step. They must not be out yet since the halls are pretty deserted still.

You risk taking a peek through the little glass window on the door, and your hunch is confirmed. Students belonging to the council are all sitting in a circle of chairs, discussing... well, school-related business stuff. You aren't really sure what they do, exactly.

You catch sight of Monika at the head of them, naturally because she is the president, but you aren't expecting to see her with such an expression.

Usually, Monika seems to you warm, open, patient, and friendly... but here, she looks... not even bored, but more like she's utterly apathetic towards all the conversations going on around her. You've never seen her so uncaring, to the point where she seems almost irritated by the presence of everyone in the room with her.

Maybe she's having a bad day? The thought makes you a bit sad, and you find yourself wondering if she would even want to see you. Do the others in the council even realize she's so unlike herself?

As if to answer your silent question, one of the other students turns to Monika to say something, and when they do, the familiar expression you're used to your club president wearing slips back with ease onto her face. She listens attentively to whatever it is she's being told, and then she smiles and nods, commenting something you can't hear in return.

You watch the exchange, too fascinated to stop watching even if you do worry someone might notice you peeking inside for such a long minute. As soon as the student turns away from her, Monika is once again the picture of discontentment; you even notice her tapping her nails listlessly against the surface of the table they're all seated at.

The sound of the doorknob rattling causes you to leap backwards in shock, stumbling slightly over your own two feet. The meeting must be over, because someone is stepping out, and then another, and then you're hurriedly dodging out of the path of the entire student body as they file out, talking and laughing with one another as they head down the hall, eventually leaving you alone.

"Y/N?"

Looking away from their retreating figures, you face Monika and find her as she always is with you- curious emerald eyes and a friendly air about her. "Ah- hello," you greet her, trying not to sound as awkward as you feel about your... let's be honest, spying.

"I wasn't really sure that you'd show!" She exclaims, startling you with a sudden hug.

You've actually never gotten a hug from Monika, although you have a ton of hugs to compare hers to- Sayori throws herself at you pretty much daily, and hers tend to be suffocating, always too tight and lasting a bit too long.

From Monika, though? Her hug, despite making your head spin and your heart skip a beat, makes you feel so safe, secure... she's so warm and you can't help but be enamored with whatever perfume she uses.

Unfortunately, you're too stunned to return the embrace in time before Monika pulls back from you, and you could swear she has a faint blush on her cheeks. She doesn't apologize for her impromptu action, though, and you're glad for that.

"Why wouldn't I?" You ask, dumbstruck.

She studies you for a few seconds, and you get the idea that she's trying to detect if you're being serious or not. Eventually she says, "Oh, nevermind that! I am glad to see you, though. I have something I wanted to give you."

'Please refrain from saying something really stupid and cheesy like, 'the best gift you could give me is just getting to see you on my birthday,' you think to yourself. "A gift? You really didn't have to- or, I mean, you shouldn't have-! Not that I don't appreciate it, though...!" You don't typically struggle so much with your words, but you're still a little off your game after the lovely hug. It's like your mind is foggy, your tongue is twisted, and you simply can't think straight. Which isn't really new when you're around Monika, but today it's impacting you even more than normal. Maybe because you two are all alone for once, not surrounded by Sayori, Yuri, or Natsuki, or even any other students for that matter.

Monika gives a soft laugh. "I wanted to. Technically it's two somethings rather than one," she admits.

You find your mind racing as it tries to go over the potential possibilities. A book like Yuri? That would be very fitting, since you'd befriended Monika through the Literature Club.

You watch as she takes a gift box out of her bookbag, offering it to you with a sweet, "Happy birthday, Y/N."

God, you're definitely blushing. Like, fierce blushing. Either that or the school suddenly decided to turn fifty heaters on all at once. 'Geez, pull yourself together!! Act normal!' You internally berate yourself. If there had been any doubt before, it was all erased in this one instant- you were head over heels for your club president.

"Awh, thank you! It's nice of you." You accept the gift, examining it momentarily. As expected of the class star Monika, the box itself is wrapped perfectly. It's even your favorite color, with a matching ribbon tying it shut. Whether or not you're a sentimental person, you recognize that this is the sort of memento that could easily be kept for a long, long time. You glance back to your friend. "May I open it now?"

Monika nods. "Please do!"

You feel her gaze on you as you carefully untie the ribbon and open up the gift box to see what's inside.

She was right, it is more than one thing. They sort of go together though, you realize as you lift one of the presents up to admire it.

In your hand is a necklace. The chain is a light silver, and the pendant contains a pretty stone in the shape of a heart. The stone shimmers slightly as it reflects the light of the school hall.

"It's so pretty...!" You breathe.

"I'm glad, I thought it was pretty too," Monika says. She sounds calm, but when you glance at her you think she's ecstatic, but the expression is gone as soon as you blink, leaving you to wonder if it had been your imagination playing tricks on you. "It's your birthstone, did you notice?"

You hadn't noticed until she'd pointed it out, but it was indeed your birthstone. Monika is just... so very thoughtful. It's really no wonder she's so popular. "Thank you so much!!" You chirp, still somewhat surprised that she would go so far just for a birthday gift for you. You hadn't known her personally for very long, after all.

You set the necklace back down inside the box to bring out the other gift, another accessory- it's the same color as your birthstone necklace, but it actually reminds you of something else.

Yes, it's a big bow similar to Monika's own. If you were to wear it, it could even look like she and you were matching. You could just be reading too much into things, though...

"I.. love them. So much." You have an overwhelming urge to put your thoughts onto paper in order to give Monika the proper thanks that she deserves for being possibly the most generous person in existence, and because you feel like you're failing miserably at voicing just how touched you really are by these gifts. "I almost want to get you something in return...!"

Monika shakes her head in amusement. "It's your birthday, not mine." A contemplative finger rests on her chin as she adds, "Although... there is something you could do for me. If you wouldn't mind, of course."

Perplexed, you respond without giving yourself a chance to think about it. "Anything!"

You're rewarded with an affectionate smile from Monika, but it seems as though she was expecting that to be your answer.

She extends a hand for the gift box that you've already set both the bow and necklace back in, inquiring, "May I?"

Wordlessly, your intrigue piqued, you hand it back to her. She takes the bow out first, stepping closer to you.

It's not foolish of you to have been anticipating a kiss- even now you could very easily initiate one if you so chose, because of how terrifyingly close Monika is to you as she gently pulls your hair back for you, tying it back with the Y/FC bow and even brushing a stray lock of hair from your face after she does so.

While you're struggling to recover from your short-circuiting, Monika takes the necklace and places it around your neck. The brush of her fingers sends sparks of static against your skin, and you feel as if time is standing completely still, and it's just you and her in this world.

The faint click of the necklace as it clasps shut is what brings you back to reality, and all too soon Monika is stepping away from you again, still close but at a much more reasonable distance away.

She appraises your appearance and then smiles softly. "As I thought."

Is she being mysterious on purpose or does being around her just happen to kill your brain cells? "E-Eh?"

"You look lovely, Y/N."

The compliment makes you want to bury your face in your hands in the futile hopes of hiding your blush, but by now it's probably too late for that.

You stutter out your thanks, desperately trying to mend your scattered thoughts, and she once again wishes you a happy birthday, reminding you as well to bring your poetry assignment to the club meeting tomorrow.

As she's leaving, you realize you never got the chance to ask about the strange behavior she'd exhibited during the meeting with the other students.

[dynyamight]

meet cute number 47 is interesting!

send me a writting ask

47. Texting the incorrect number but continuing the conversation.

“You got all that, right?” Shinsou asks, readjusting his stance, so others can leave their classroom door easily.

Midoriya hums absentmindedly. He’s still quickly jotting down the last few digits onto his planner. “And, you said tomorrow morning, around 7? At the library?”

“Yeah,” Shinsou shrugs, “Or anytime really. The deadline isn’t until next month, you know.”

“I kinda just want to get it done, as soon as possible.”

Shinsou breathes out a snort. “Figured you’d say that much. Just make sure you got my number. Repeat it, if you need to.”

“No time.” Midoriya drops his bag to the side, shoving his now closed notebook inside. “Thank you! I’ll text you later tonight!” He offers hurriedly, before taking off down the campus halls.

Shinsou’s warning falls deaf to his rushed mind.

He has to run the entire way, in order to graciously catch the last bus for the hour. Sweaty and flushed, Midoriya slumps into his seat in relief. Fortunately, he was able to cop a seat for himself, settling by the window and his backpack right next to him.

Staring out, Midoriya tries to remind himself of the rest of his priorities he needed to do.

He still needed to start on Doctor Chiyo’s online Physiology exam, and gather his notes for the open book portion. It was a bit bothersome to handle tests online, but if the rest of class prefers it, there’s nothing Midoriya can do about it.

Speaking of which, Ochako had requested for copies of those exact same notes, since apparently she barely writes anything during lectures. He wants to suggest to her to just simply take better notes, but alas, he will gladly help her out.

And, finally, Midoriya has to collect reliable, approved research articles for his and Shinsou’s debate, in their argumentative project in Communications. Being assigned “PRO SOCIAL MEDIA INFLUENCE”, while being the most uninvolved people on the internet, Midoriya and Shinsou had a lot of work to do.

Not to mention it was already 18:00 by the time he reached the school’s dormitories. And yet, he needed to shower, make dinner, water his plants, and watch the newest episode of his favorite drama, airing tonight.

University was eating him alive.

Thankfully, he’s able to complete half of his list.

He finishes the exam with a 98%, and quickly snaps the pages of his notes over to Ochako and Iida, making sure to highlight the main topics questioned in the exam. Ochako sends a ‘thank you’ gif, and Iida texts a long, yet endearing message of gratitude.

Midoriya doesn’t have time to shower, instead blasting the TV volume loud, as he waters his indoor plants at the same time. He overwaters them a little bit, busy glancing back at the screen for too long. But, at least he’s able to watch the episode. He pouts when it ends on a cliffhanger, almost drowning his bonsai tree in frustration.

He’s only able to warm up a plate of leftovers, and read through only one research article, by the time it’s already blinking 21:30 on his phone. Sighing, Midoriya closes his laptop and grabs his cell phone instead.

An all nighter wasn’t preferable. But, if Shinsou is working overtime at his late night job, Midoriya supposes he can stay up and keep looking through more articles, until he has at least the required ten.

Flipping open his planner, Midoriya inputs Shinsou’s number into his phone. He adds his name, a contact photo of him sleeping, and finally taps a quick message.

(21:38) < You working?

When Shinsou doesn’t respond right away, Midoriya simply sets aside his phone on his desk. Stretching his arms, he sighs in defeat, now expecting Shinsou to be stuck at work.

He’s never worked at a restaurant, but he bets Friday nights can get pretty busy. And, Shinsou always complains that group outings and dates tend to stay over, even after the place is supposed to close. And, Midoriya trusts his word.

So, by the time his phone dings, Midoriya has been clicking through more articles on social media, bookmarking a few to go over later, as he went.

He lifts his phone, and with a bright screen, a message stares back at him.

shinsou hitoshi (21:58) > Who’s this

Oh, he did forget to specify. But, Midoriya smiles, having a small prank in mind. There was no harm in teasing his friends, let alone Shinsou, who definitely needed a good laugh, now and then.

(21:58) < It's the cutie from your communications class ;)

shinsou hitoshi (21:58) > So, no one

(21:59) < Haha! I guess you’re right about that

(21:59) < Anyways, it’s Izuku! You still working late, Hitoshi?

shinsou hitoshi (21:59) > This ain’t Hitoshi

Midoriya's face drops, blinking. Oh god, did he mistype the number?

(21:38) < Wait, you’re not???

Another text pops up, shortly after.

shinsou hitoshi (22:02) > You got the wrong number

Embarrassment burning his entire face red, Midoriya wishes he could delete himself from the world.

(22:03) < I’m so so so so sorry!

(22:03) < God, I thought I wrote down my friend’s number right

(22:03) < But, I was in this stupid rush to get on the bus that I didn’t make sure

(22:04) < And, listen, if I had missed that bus, I would’ve had to wait

(22:04) < Not like a few minutes wait

(22:04) < Like, a whole two hours wait!

shinsou hitoshi (22:05) > I didn’t ask

Deleting the conversation, Midoriya erases the new contact completely. And instead, he looks back to his planner, and retypes the numbers in his phone onto a new conversation.

Hopefully, he has typed the correct series of digits.

(22:07) < Hey, Hitoshi! It’s Izuku

unknown (22:08) > ...

unknown (22:08) > What the actual fuck

unknown (22:08) > You've still got the wrong number, you goddamn idiot

Slamming his phone onto his desk, Midoriya grabs a pillow off his bed and shoves it in his face. The temptation to scream sounds awfully pleasant, but it’s too late at night to do so. His dorm neighbors would definitely wonder what the hell is wrong with him.

What’s wrong? Oh, he has completely done one of the most dreaded imaginary scenarios in his head; text a complete stranger. Twice.

What was he supposed to do now? Never text back? Delete it? Block it?

How is he supposed to contact Shinsou now?

His phone dings again.

Lifting the pillow off his face slightly, Midoriya eyes his phone warily from his swivel chair.

That definitely wasn’t supposed to happen. Another text from the same stranger sounds a bit unheard of.

After a seconds-long hesitation, Midoriya lifts his phone and opens it once more.

unknown (22:13) > Double check next time

unknown (22:13) > You can fucking wait the two hours, dumbass

Midoriya grows a little irked. He has a bad feeling that his stranger isn’t too friendly, to say that least.

There was literally no reason to text back something so rude.

(22:14) < Well, that wasn’t nice

unknown (22:15) > Wasn’t trying to be

(22:15) < ..Are you always like this?

unknown (22:16) > Pretty much

(22:16) < That’s sad

unknown (22:17) > What’s fucking sad is that I was woken up from my sleep

unknown (22:17) > Because a damn moron didn’t write down the right number

Midoriya winces. He hadn’t even thought about the other person’s predicament, let alone if he had interrupted anything.

(22:20) > I really didn’t mean to do that, I’m sorry :(

unknown (22:22) > Yeah whatever

(22:24) > You should try to go back to sleep, then

unknown (22:25) > I was

unknown (22:25) > But the same moron from before keeps texting me

(22:27) > Who?

(22:33) > Oh.

(22:33) > It’s me, huh?

unknown (22:34) > No shit

(22:35) > Right, of course. My bad!

(22:35) > I’m going to just stop now

unknown (22:36) > Thanks

(22:36) > For the umpteenth time, sorry! ><

(22:37) > Okay, Okay! I’m stopping now, for real

Midoriya desperately needs to call it a night.

After going through his nightly routine, he slips under his bedsheets, exhausted. He sets an alarm for 5:00 on his phone, hoping Shinsou will show up at the library, regardless of the missing confirmation text on Midoriya’s end.

He keeps his phone on awhile longer, swiping through his professors’ emails, before a surprising text notification pops in front of him.

unknown (23:01) > FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

(23:02) > …

(23:02) > What was that for??

unknown (23:04) > I CAN’T SLEEP

unknown (23:04) > GOD, I CAN’T GO BACK TO FUCKING SLEEP

unknown (23:05) > AND IT’S YOUR FAULT

(23:06) > What do you expect me to do????

unknown (23:07) > HAHAHAHA OH DON’T WORRY

unknown (23:07) > IF I CAN’T SLEEP, NEITHER CAN YOU

unknown (23:08) > AND IF YOU TURN YOUR PHONE OFF I WILL SEND HELLFIRE

(23:09) > Wait

(23:09) > No, please

(23:09) > My alarm is on my phone, I need it on

(23:10) > I need to go to an important meeting for a group project at 7:00!

unknown (23:10) > Aw, really? :0?!

(23:11) > Yeah! I really do!

unknown (23:11) > Sike. I don’t fucking care

unknown (23:12) > Hope you eat shit tomorrow

(23:13) > ..Why are you like this?

(23:13) > I could literally be a twelve year old, for all you know

unknown (23:14) > I doubt fucking twelve years do group projects

unknown (23:15) > But whether you’re a damn infant, or grown adult, I hate you

(23:16) > I wouldn’t say I hate you. That’s too harsh

(23:16) > But, wow, you are very unlikable :/

unknown (23:17) > That’s the fucking nicest thing anyone has said about me

(23:18) > It wasn’t supposed

(23:19) > Nevermind.

(23:19) > Do you have any friends? Just might as well ask

unknown (23:21) > Surprisingly yeah

(23:22) > Oh, so you also agree. That it’s a surprise

(23:22) > At least you’re self aware :0

unknown (23:23) > Yeah, they are annoying as hell

unknown (23:24) > But, also pretty good people, I guess

(23:25) > Pretty good or pretty dumb?

unknown (23:26) > SHUT IT

unknown (23:27) > Only I can make fun of them

unknown (23:27) > You. Don’t.

(23:28) > You’re right, I shouldn’t have said that

(23:29) > I’m sorry :(

unknown (23:30) > You like apologizing, huh

(23:29) > There’s a lot to apologize for tonight

unknown (23:30) > Still, you don’t have to say it every damn minute

(23:32) > You probably don’t ever apologize

unknown (23:33) > Fuck no

(23:35) > Right, of course

(23:36) > Well, you know what I need to do tomorrow

unknown (23:37) > Unfortunately

(23:38) > What about you?

unknown (23:39) > I’m covering a shift at my shit job at the ass crack of dawn

(23:40) > Unnecessary visual, but I digress

(23:40) > Uh, where do you work?

unknown (23:42) > No. I don’t even know your damn name

(23:43) > I told you?? It was in my first text

unknown (23:44) > Yeah, I ain’t scrolling

(23:48) > Well, it’s Izuku. Midoriya Izuku :)

unknown (23:49) > Great. I still ain’t giving you mine

(23:50) > ?? Is there anything I can know about you??

(23:50) > You know more about me, than I do about you

unknown (23:51) > You know I hate you

unknown (23:51) > That’s plenty

(23:52) > But, I have been staying up for you :(

unknown (23:53) > Because it’s your fault I can’t sleep

(23:54) > You aren’t feeling sleepy yet?

unknown (23:56) > ..Are you

(23:57) > I asked you first

unknown (23:58) > I asked you second

(23:59) > That

(23:59) > Look, it’s almost midnight

(24:00) > Oh, now, it’s actually midnight

unknown (00:01) > I have fucking eyes. I can see the time

(00:02) > And we BOTH have places to be tomorrow

(00:02) > So, let’s just sleep. Call a truce, please

unknown (00:03) > What about my petty retribution

(00:04) > PLEASE LET ME SLEEP

unknown (00:10) > FUCK

unknown (00:10) > FINE

unknown (00:11) > I STILL CAN’T SLEEP BUT WHATEVER

unknown (00:12) > HOPE YOU FUCKING OVERSLEEP TOMORROW

The rest of the night, Midoriya hears his phone go off, but he doesn’t bother to open the messages. Fortunately for him, the time staying awake quickly catches up to his body, the moment he shuts his eyes. And, in an instant, he falls asleep, heavy.

However, he’s jolted awake by the ringing of his phone, the tone alerting him of an incoming phone call. Banging his head on the headboard, Midoriya blindly grabs and answers his phone. “Uh, H-Hello?” He blurts quickly.

“Tch.” A low voice emits, “You owe me, Deku.”

Click. The phone call ends.

Confused, Midoriya hurriedly rubs his eyes open. Running his messy curls through his fingers, he lifts his bangs up, in order to correctly look at the time.

The time was 5:10. And, his 5:00 alarm had been off the entire time.

And, instead, that same unknown number from last night was his saving grace.

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

#3: “I've done more for the entire comic book industry than anyone in 30 years!”

While he's not exactly as famous as Stan Lee or Jack Kirby, Mark Millar is a well known name in the comic book community. He's worked for both DC and Marvel, as well as some third party companies. He's written iconic stories that have taken the superhero genre and comic book medium to a darker level with stories like Civil War, Old Man Logan, and Superman: Red Son (their quality may vary, but the problems they had were buffed out when they were given film adaptations). He's also the creator of several original characters like the Secret Service and Kick-Ass. Then again, he was also behind Trouble (and a lot of other bad comics), but nobody's perfect.

Whether you like him or not, this is a man who's been writing for comic books since he was in high school, so it's safe to say, he knows a lot about the medium. But Astruc just has to be the one to say he knows more when Millar proposed the idea that all unique superpowers may have been thought of.

Yes. He really had the gall to say that his show is that groundbreaking to an experienced comic book writer.

Now, we could debate what kind of superpower or creative idea could be seen as “unique” or “original” for hours, but that's not the point I am trying to make. But I have an idea on how to rebut this argument. Astruc claims that his show has created more unique superpowers than the entire comic book industry in the past three decades? I'm going to show how the superpowers aren’t as original as he thinks they are by listing off examples from the past two decades.

Ladybug's Lucky Charm – The Tornado of Creation from Lego Ninjago: Masters of Spinjitsu (2011), the result of the Ninja combing their powers, which uses the area around it to create a new object or weapon to take down whatever threat they face (like turning random debris or rubble to create a giant slingshot. Yes, that really happened).

Cat Noir's Cataclysm – Kitazaki/Dragon Orphnoch Kamen Rider 555 (2003) has the power to turn anything he touches into ash.

Rena Rouge's Mirage – Neopolitan and Emerald's Semblances from RWBY (First used in 2014 and 2015 respectively). Neopolitan can use her Semblance to create illusions that shatter like glass when touched, while Emerald can induce hallucinations for a single person at a time.

Carapace's Shelter – Steven Universe (2013) can use his shield or bubble to defend himself and others against enemies.

Queen Bee's Venom – Ty Lee from Avatar: The Last Airbender (2006) uses chi-blocking attacks to paralyze her opponents, as well as prevent them from using their bending powers.

Viperion's Second Chance – Tracer from Overwatch (2016) can use her Recall to briefly jump back in time, reloading her weapons and healing any injuries she has.

Pegasus' Voyage – Cisco Ramon/Vibe from The Flash (first used in 2016, though the comic version first appeared in 2011) can create small portals called “breaches” to travel through.

Ryuko's Wind, Water and Lightning Dragon – Laxus and Juvia from Fairy Tail (both first showed their powers around 2010 in the anime) can transform into electricity and water respectively.

Bunnyx's Burrow – Professor Paradox from Ben 10: Alien Force (2008) has the ability to travel through time and create portals to other dimensions.

King Monkey's Uproar – Cicada, a villain from The Flash TV series (first appeared in 2018, with powers that differ from his comic book debut in 2001) has a dagger with the power to nullify the powers of other Metahumans.

Multimouse's Multitude – Slapback from the Ben 10 reboot (first appeared in February 2019, eight months before the debut of Multimouse) has the power to duplicate himself, with the clones becoming smaller and more dense in the process.

Hawkmoth's Akumatization – The Sorcerer from Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja (2012) uses his “stank” to transform innocent people into monsters. In addition, he usually uses it on people who are feeling negative emotions (and unlike Hawkmoth, he has Tim Curry voicing him)

Mayura's Amokization – Daiki Kaito/Kamen Rider Diend from Kamen Rider Decade (2009) has the power to summon other Kamen Riders to fight for him.

Hell, I can keep this up with every akumatized villain too, but then this post would take forever to finish.

The point I'm making is that except for Miracolonizer's Liberation (the power to free someone from any restrictions to let them reach their full potential, only it's used by a villain to erase any morals the victim has that keep them in line instead, basically driving them crazy), basically every power seen in Miraculous Ladybug has been used before.

The problem isn't that the powers featured aren't original. What makes a certain superhero or superpower interesting is the way it is used. The Black Canary from Arrow had a sonic device that allowed her to emit her trademark sonic scream instead of it being a natural superpower. Does that mean that Marc Guggenheim invented that power?

Of course it doesn't. So why would Astruc think just because he placed an interesting spin on some preexisting superpowers, that means he “invented more unique superpowers than the entire industry”? That is an incredibly egotistical way to think for a show that's only been on the air for three seasons. And I think it's pretty clear this show isn't exactly Avatar.

But if you really want to watch something with “unique” superpowers, watch Ultimate Muscle. A character in that show has the power to literally transform into a giant shoe. Yeah.

[itsclydebitches]

A weird defence I've seen of RWBY's conflicts has been that it's good writing simply by the virtue that people can disagree on what's the right thing to do in said conflict. Which doesn't work when one decision is being presented as the only valid choice while every other option is either not addressed or demonized. This isn't a story leaving a nuanced set of stances to explore, it's a guy on stage signalling the crowd to boo whenever someone goes against the Protag's decision.

Real quick, I want to talk about RWBY by not talking about RWBY. I’ve seen this argument a lot too and the tl;dr is that just because your audience debates the right action in a conflict  — something that is inevitable given how subjective media is  — doesn’t mean the story encouraged that reflection in any way. As you say, RWBY pretends that those disagreements don’t exist and that This Is The One (1) Right Answer... which entirely defeats the purpose of a morally nuanced situation in the first place. That lack is bad writing because it demonstrates the author’s inability to provide an accurate picture of the conflict while still ensuring we come out of it liking the parties involved. The conflict was too complex for them to manage alongside equally complex characterization, so they just pretended it was far simpler than it actually was. That’s not something to praise. 

But to get to the not RWBY part. I’ve mentioned this a couple times before, but one of the scenes that I think manages these sorts of conflicts really well is the funeral fight in The Haunting of Hill House, episodes 6, “Two Storms.” So warning from here on out for spoilers. Sometimes, the best way to see what’s not working well in one show is to look at another show that does (basically) the same thing successfully and compare the two. 

Normally I’d include screenshots, but Netflix doesn’t allow that :/ So I’m forced to rely on bullet points. 

The basic premise is that the Crain family has assembled in daughter Shirley’s funeral home, the night before they bury their sister, Nell. A lot of secrets are about to come to light. 

The scene kicks off when their father, Hugh, relays the call he got from the housekeeper the night of Nell’s death. She had committed suicide in the family’s childhood home. 

Though everyone knew how she’d died, son Steven is distraught at hearing the details and reveals that a few weeks prior Nell crashed a book signing of his. This shocks the others given that this was very unusual behavior for Nell. 

Shirley likewise reveals that she got a call from Nell who’d been worried about their brother, Luke, but hadn’t spoken to her the night of her death. The implication is that no one did. They’ll never know what was going through her head the night she died. 

Hugh reveals that she did call him. “I talked to her.” 

Stunned by this news, his children demand to know what was discussed and Hugh is clearly reluctant to continue. However, he eventually says that Nell wasn’t just worried about Luke, but also the “Bent Neck Lady,” a specter from her childhood.

The viewer knows that ghosts are real in this show. The kids don’t. Or rather, they all experienced supernatural occurrences in their childhood, are still experiencing them now, but only some of them are willing to admit they’re real. Steven is the diehard skeptic of the bunch and starts yelling at his father, accusing him of aiding Nell’s delusions and ignoring a family history of mental illness. In particular, he declares that this “makes you culpable [in her death].” 

Steven continues to accuse Hugh of “holding back information” about Nell and Hugh shoots back that “If I held back anything it was to protect you kids.” The viewer understands Hugh’s dilemma: the only reason he keeps things to himself is because Steven and the others refuse to believe the truth, with an added dose of this supernatural stuff being very dangerous. Steven asks, “Why do I need protection from the truth?” 

Before their fight can go any further, Shirley tells Steven, “You might want to check yourself before you start talking about the truth.” He published an autobiographical book about their childhood trauma and notably capitalized on a supernatural angle he doesn’t believe in. Shirley calls it “blood money.” 

As the argument about the ethics of his book rages, Shirley defends herself primarily with how everyone else thinks this is “blood money” too. No one took a cut when Steven offered one, proving how despicable they all think it is. 

Meanwhile, sister Theo has been getting heat for being drunk (a coping mechanism for her own supernatural troubles) and Shirley eventually pushes her far enough that she admits she did take Steven’s money and used it to get her degree. “It’s good, fucking money.” Suddenly, Steven has someone in his corner and Shirley’s main defense has crumbled. 

Shirley is furious that Theo had this secret income but was still living with her and her husband. Theo reminds her that she offered to pay rent, but Shirley isn’t interested in hearing that. She demands that Theo move out immediately and uses this betrayal as the new way to protect herself. She’s the victim here. 

Steven, sensing another secret in the works, cautions Shirley to “get off your high horse before you fall off.” 

Shirley maintains her position until her husband blurts that they also took Steven’s money. Shirley hasn’t been running the funeral home well and they would have sunk without it. 

Despite being the punching bag for the second half of this fight, Shirley is offered both reassurance and dignity. Her husband emphasizes that the only reason they’re struggling is because Shirley is a good person. She does too much work pro bono. Shirley also delivers the line, “Do you have any idea how much you’ve humiliated me?” calling into question the husband’s choice to admit this now, purely as a way to prove her wrong. 

Shirley leaves to get some distance and discovers that someone — something — has put buttons over Nell’s eyes. The shock of this keeps the fight from continuing and, as plot intervenes, gives the characters the space needed to eventually start healing and forgiving one another, notably by sitting with the various truths they all now have to grapple with. 

Phew! A long summary, but I’ve put this much detail in to highlight the nuance of the scene. Obviously RWBY would differ in many ways  — less cursing, for one  — but the core elements of any morally complex scene should be the same. The important takeaways here are that no one in the Crain family are “pure” or “evil” and everyone gets their chance to be both right and wrong. Hugh is right that Steven won’t listen to him and wrong in that he didn’t do enough to help his kids. We get Steven and Hugh’s frustration, their understanding of the world at odds with one another. Steven is wrong to put everything on his father and justified in starting his writing career with their story. We watch the scene move from “Steven is Wrong and everyone agrees” to “Oh shit nm, more and more of the family are revealing that they benefited from his money, complicating how “wrong” he actually is.” Shirley is right to point out that Theo is getting drunk during their sister’s funeral and Theo is right to point out that being drunk doesn’t erase having a good point. Theo is allowed to scream at the group and then immediately be offered help when she falls. Shirley pretends she’s better than all of them and is slowly, horrifyingly proven wrong, but is then still extended compassion and is allowed to point out how horribly they’ve just treated her. The husband is right about the money, wrong about keeping it a secret/revealing it the way he did, right in how he tries to diffuse the other fights, and VERY wrong by getting caught kissing Theo down in the storeroom! 

The scene twists and turns in a way that highlights everyone’s points and their flaws, the moments when their perspective should be upheld and questioned. The end result is a scene that has space for the audience to debate everyone’s choices without imposing the single view of This Person Is Obviously Wrong/Right and If You Think Otherwise You’re Not Watching The Show Correctly. The show itself acknowledges the complexity and nuance of these problems. It asks, “Hugh should have tried harder, but what more can he do when his kids literally don’t believe this stuff exists? Was Steven really justified in writing a book about their collective experiences? What does it mean that something his family sees as capitalizing on their trauma also helped them keep businesses and schooling afloat? Was it okay for Shirley’s husband to keep that money a secret, even if it helped them? How might he have told her in a less cruel manner? What about Shirley’s life has led to her intense need to be on that ‘high horse’?” 

And of course: “Who is really responsible for Nell’s death?” By this point the viewer already knows that there is no “really” here. This is too complicated a tragedy to lay the blame at any one person’s feet. Everyone in this room has moments of justified accusations and moments of chastisement because they’re well written, well rounded characters who are neither saints nor devils. The length of the scene (done in a single shot!) emphasizes that if you just wait long enough, even the most perfect looking person will eventually have a skeleton pulled from their closet. No one is above mistakes. 

RWBY has NONE of that. Zip. Nada. Nothing. RWBY gave us a scenario with many of the same, core themes  — secret keeping, secrets unwillingly revealed, blaming others for your mistakes, hurtful actions with helpful consequences, questioning who is responsible for a tragic death  — and instead of even attempting to give us some of the above nuance, RWBY said only that Ruby was right, Ozpin was wrong, and demanding that the audience ignore the nuance they could already see in order to accept the canon. 

RWBY’s scene asks the audience to play dumb and look at the world as a Black and White place, despite the show simultaneously insisting that “the world isn’t a fairy tale” and is, in fact, filled with shades of gray. 

Just not any shades of gray that mess with that dichotomy that now drives the story.  

That’s not good writing. It’s oblivious and contradictory writing that makes the audience frustrated. Not satisfied, surprised, contemplative, or curious. Just frustrated. 

[lydia-yougowith-stiles]

My Top Ships of 2020

It’s FINALLY here!! The list of my top ships of 2020. What a year it was and I can’t believe it’s already January 8th as I’m writing this. Just like I mentioned with my 2020 TV Wrap Up, a lot of these ships helped me escape during 2020. I can’t wait to see where they’re headed for 2021. I have also started watching a few things in December, but I will be saving those ships for my 2021 list. (You’ll notice I have already expanded this list from last year.) Last year, I debated about including an Honorable Mentions sections. This year I will be including it because I wanted to still talk about these ships, but found it hard to rank them with the others. Without further ado here we go!  

Oh! One last thing. Compared to previous years Bellarke has not made it on this list. J. Roth did us dirty with this last season of the 100 and I will pretend it didn’t exist. 

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

~ Anne with an E: Jerry and Diana

These two were SOOO CUTE until Diana started acting rude and left our perfect boy Jerry. Watching this last season back, I grew not to like this couple as much as I did the first time. This most definitely had to do with the fact that I knew the outcome AND I could see Diana using him more earlier. She wanted to experience something different and rebel and Jerry was there. But they were so cute as they walked home together and shared books. I’m also really proud of Anne for sticking by Jerry when she found out the truth about their relationship. (As you probably already know I love Jerry so much and don’t want any harm to come for him, so this was a tough one, but yes I’m still including it.) 

~Umbrella Academy: Klaus and Dave

I started watching Umbrella Academy this year, so I was lucky to not just experience the first season, but also the second. I instantly fell in love with Klaus and Dave and we barely got any scenes with them. (That’s my main reason for making them an honorable mention rather than a permanent spot on this list.) I wish we had more scenes with them in love. We do get some great moments in scene two with a younger Dave, which highlights Klaus�� love for him, but it’s not the same. I really love how much Dave changed Klaus. I would argue they’re my favorite romantic relationship on the show. 

~Walking Dead World Beyond: Hope and Elton

Here’s my classic shipping people together who weren’t technically romantic (but honestly those often make the best and most satisfying ships if the writers open their eyes to the chemistry that is on screen...but I digress). While they technically weren’t “romantic” you could tell that Elton grew to have a crush on Hope as the season went on. There was definitely a lot going on between their characters as Hope ***I’m going to try and avoid a spoiler here*** was one of the last people to see Elton’s mom. I think there’s potential for these two down the road and as there are only 2 seasons slotted for Walking Dead World Beyond, I can only hope this is the path the writers take. 

~Violetta: Angie and Pablo

Okay, so even if you have not heard of the Disney Channel telenovela “Violetta” or seen many of my posts, can you just appreciate the chemistry in the above moment between these two people! For a good amount of season 1 of the show, Angie and Pablo were the couple for me and I was ESTATIC when they finally got together. I anticipated it wouldn’t be for long because of slight spoilers and more intuition, but god were they beautiful together. Friends to lovers to the extreme. Screw Herman! Now as I’m slowing watching season 3, I know these two won’t be OTP, but I can savor in this moment and remember the good times. 

17. Violetta: Violetta and Leon

Two back to back Violetta appreciation posts. This show took up my entire 2020 from awaiting for season 2 (and 3) on Disney Plus, as well as watching the 80 episodes (a piece!). Currently, I’m trying to get back into wanting to watch season 3 (as other shows took precedent). With the amount of Violetta I watched, I couldn’t leave Violetta and Leon off this list. They were the favored ship of the show (and one of the most central). In season 1 it took me a little time to like them together, but by episode 35 I could feel the mutual attraction. I remember the moment of them singing/playing piano together. I knew they’d be endgame. My main complaint is that when these two are a part they are SUPER ANNOYING! Like they (specifically I’m thinking of Leon) say rude things about the other person and I’m like how could you be okay to get back together? Their best moments are definitely in season 2, whether singing to the other person or imagining singing to them. Definitely at the end of the season when they’re in Spain. I still have to watch the end of their love story, so I hope it’s satisfying.

16. High School Musical the Musical the Series: Nini and Ricky 

So I added this ship onto my list long before I knew about any real-life/personal drama that was happening among the cast. I considered taking it off the list, but as I am discussing the fictional characters I decided to leave it. High School Musical the Musical the Series was a very early 2020 watch. I liked the show more than I was expecting and was upset to hear that season 2 wouldn’t include a performance of High School Musical 2. (I mean, Beauty and the Beast...really?) This was one of those extremely rare times where I actually liked a ship that was the main ship. Usually, I favor the other part of the love triangle or the underappreciated part. I was both shocked and happy when Ricky and Nini kissed in the finale and got together. Of course the final episode ended with some hurtles for season 2 (which now I guess there will be even more), but it was good to see them together and happy. 

15. Legacies: Hope and Josie

With all of these shows ending earlier than they should have due to COVID, I feel like I’m going to sound like a broken record when I say I don’t remember a lot of what happened in this last season. (I guess for 2021 I’ll have to take more thorough notes, but then again you can see which ships I like more.) With Hope and Josie, season 2 was a bit of a rough road. I mean, what do you expect when you erase yourself from existence for the greater good, which means that your boyfriend hooks up with your friend/eventual lover? (Yes, I added in that second part.) Josie and Landon felt very awkward in the beginning of this season when they were in “love” and forgot about Hope. (I rarely heard anyone say they liked them together.) It got more awkward when Hope came back in the picture and had to watch them together. Then we had that spill with Josie being evil (which I was surprised they tackled so early on in the show. Feels like a later plot to explore). Due to all these hurtles, there were less opportunities for my OTP of Legacies. The best moment we got was in the above photo when Hope went into Josie’s subconscious and was speaking to Josie as a fictional pig the whole time. We will never forget how the “pig” suggested Hope kiss her awake. Come on Julie! Give us what we want! 

14. Single Parents: Will and Angie

Will and Angie were far down on my Top Ships last year. Another friends to lovers, you could just feel the chemistry between these two and that was strengthened in season 2. (I just loved some couples more this year I guess.) Last year, they couldn’t really act on too much romance between these two because of Poppy and Douglas’ relationship, but as those two had some drama this season, Will and Angie had a greater chance of getting together. We watched moments where the two pretended to be a couple (for the sake of Will’s parents) and eventually Will came to the realization of his feelings for Angie. In a classic season 2 plot device of a sitcom, Angie decided to go with her real-life husband/Graham’s dad at the end of the season. But you could see she also had feelings for Will and they HAVE to act on those next season. I can’t remember if the show got a third season, and I will be crushed if they didn’t. Previously, they’ve been mid-season starts so I feel hopeful.  

13. Emma: Emma and Knightley

The last movie I watched in movie theaters was Emma. While it makes me sad that I haven’t been able to go back since, this film was a great one to hold this memory. As an avid Jane Austen fan (and period drama as you will continue to notice), I LOVED this Emma and Knightley pairing. This couple is one of my favorites of the Austen heroines and heroes and I have many favorite reincarnations from Romola Garai and Johnny Lee Miller to Joanna Sotomura and Brent Bailey in Emma Approved (still so sad those two broke up). So it was very hard to live up to what I’ve watched and liked before. Anya Taylor-Joy and Johnny Flynn did not disappoint and will be one of the combos I think of when I re-visit the novel. I love how we didn’t focus on their crazy age difference and really highlighted on their relationship as family friends and going back a long time. I specifically like the decision to bring in some early nods to Knightley admitting his feelings for Emma and then not doing so because of the presence of Frank Churchill. Just talking about all of this makes me want to re-watch the movie all over again. :) **If you’re a fan of this combo or Emma/Knightley in general that you have to watch this video. It is amazing! 

12. Avatar The Last Airbender: Zuko and Katara

Another binge from 2020. I watched Avatar the Last Airbender in the summer and was amazed by the story-telling and how deep they could get for a kid’s program. Despite, being in MS/HS when the show originally aired, I hadn’t watched it before. So many people had told me to do and then with the help of Netflix, I felt the pull to do so during quarantine. When I headed into the show, I thought Zuko and Katara eventually got together. Mainly, because I know the fandom and love for them is so strong. I instantly felt this too. There were so many great parallels between there characters. (I mean clearly we have the whole water and fire dynamic.) Even when these two weren’t in scenes together I was thinking about how well they’d work together. So needless to say I was disappointed when they didn’t get to be endgame. We did a lot of great moments at the end of season two and definitely with season three. The Last Agni Kai scene will forever give me chills and represent how deep Zutara is. The evidence is all right there. Such a great ship. 

11. Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist: Zoey and Max

Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist was one of my favorite watches of 2020 and such a feel good show for a moment with a lot of uncertainty. (I highly recommend if you haven’t watched it. Season 2 just started on NBC this week.) For a while I felt very on the fence if I shipped Zoey more with Simon or Max. As you can notice friends to lovers has been a common thread with my posts (although I LOVE a good enemies to lovers) and Max was that 100%. Plus, he’s played by Skylar Astin so what’s not to love. Despite, all of that I felt both of the men in Zoey’s life had potential and I could be happy if she ended up with either one. By episode 6 I was leaning towards Max (if I’m remembering correctly this would be the “When I Wake Up” number with the scooter) and then by episode 8 I was all in! I mean she sang “I’m Yours” to him. (Episode 8 was one of my favorites for the whole season. She did a fantastic job singing and I loved the twist of events. Also, Max being there for her was adorable. The “Pressure” song in the conference room OMG, get me a Max!) The only thing that upset me about their relationship and Max’s character was how sudden his emotions were. It became all or nothing and it felt like too much. He shouldn’t have given Zoey an ultimatum like that. Once he went to work upstairs, I grew to not like this character. Luckily by the last episode I saw some of the old Max again. We’ll see what happens with this new season. 

10. Julie and the Phantoms: Julie and Luke

Julie and the Phantoms: I cannot talk highly enough of this show. It is amazing and everyone needs to be watching it. Of course, it was created by Kenny Ortega so need I say more...but there is so much more to appreciate too. The actors are fantastic and I love the characters they portray! I also can’t stop listening to the music. But this moment is for Julie and Luke, sorry, I should stop promoting the show :) It was very obvious that two members of the band should fall in love and with Julie and Luke both writing their own music and being passionate about their craft it became a no-brainer that they should end up catching feelings for one another. Of course, there’s the major hurtle that he’s a ghost, but we can figure that out in season 2. Luke is obviously the better pick for Julie (Nick who?). They are just so adorable together and I can’t get over that moment when he talks to her at school by her locker and she pretends to talk on her phone. The way they look at each other says it all. (Such great acting!) Then there’s Edge of Great and Luke’s guitar solo. OH! They’re so meant for each other. While no season 2 announcement has been realized yet, there’s no way this show does not get renewed. 

9. The 100: Murphy and Emori

Okay, so I know this sounds hypocritical that I said I won’t think the last season of the 100 exists and here are Murphy and Emori. But in my defense they are the best part of this season and my love for them as a couple really came to a head this season. Murphy had so much character growth and I was fearing for his life almost every episode. Same went for Emori especially after her accident I didn’t feel positive. These two (along with Raven) were the shining beacon in a very disappointing and confusing season. I love how close they are and how strong they make each other. They have been through so much and it was nice to see them so happy (despite everything going on). You just knew they’d always have each other’s backs no matter what. 

8. Violetta: Fran and Diego

I feel like I would do anything for this ship and I have so many more episodes of season 3 to go. (So that’s saying something.) Another Violetta ship, but arguably the best and one that I know is endgame because I grew so obsessed that I started searching for spoilers early on. (That’s how you know it’s bad. Especially when you’re watching YouTube videos without subtitles, so you have no idea what they’re saying, but they look happy and therefore you are happy.) Fran and Diego only got together in the third and finale season of Violetta. Previously, they were a part of different romances (Diego a major one with Violetta), but at the start of this season they are put together in a lot of situations and quickly grow a strong relationship. You can feel the chemistry instantly! They just fit each other so well. Their singing voices together-OMG! While it took FOREVER for their relationship to be public knowledge, I really haven’t had any other problems with them together. (And with 80 episodes it could easily be the case.) A positive of having more than 30 episodes to go: I have more opportunity to fall even more in love with these two. 

7. Sanditon: Esther and Babington

I LOVE THESE TWO SO MUCH! I watched Sanditon so long ago that my memory could get fuzzy, but one thing that stands out clearly is how great it was watching Esther and Babington get together. When thinking about this show people will probably immediately think of Sidney and Charlotte and while they are great and the central couple of the series, these two have my heart. Esther has SO MUCH character growth and development and Babington is a big influence on that. He helps her to see that she can be so much more than what she currently is doing and gets her away from her brother and that lifestyle. For a bit it was touch and go and I wasn’t sure if the two would be endgame, but luckily they were. It appeared to be a marriage out of friendship/necessity. Babington is fine with loving Esther more and hoping she’ll grow to love him. This quickly changes with a scene where we see the two looking very much in love. While this show only used Jane Austen’s unfinished novel as a stepping stone and became a lot more modern (than most fans liked), I thought it did a nice job with several aspects. The main one being Esther’s character. It is a show that I will definitely be re-watching and will always be upset that it did not get a second season. 

6. Legends of Tomorrow: Ava and Sara

A great ship since Ava was introduced. These two balance each other out so well and are one of the most constant ships on the show. (As the Waverider’s doors continue to be revolving in recent seasons.) Each season we watch their relationship deepen and I truly felt that with this most recent season of Legends. Now this might sound super ironic, because from what I can remember (remember 2020 brain, it’s been a while since watching), Sara was off the Waverider a lot, leaving Ava in charge. Sara was away for so many episodes that I started to question (and do a lot of Google searching) if she was leaving the show. Despite the two being a part, I feel we got to know Ava’s character more. She has definitely grown since we first met her all those seasons ago. Due to this development, I felt this couple deserved this spot on the list. When we got to the end of last season ***SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS*** and it looked like Sara (and actually all the Legends) might die, my heart broke for them. Ava and Sara deserve the world. And with the way the finale ended it’s going to be some time till they get it. Once again, Legends is the best CW Superhero show (I said it) and everyone should be watching it.

5. The Spanish Princess: Mary Tudor and Charlie Brandon 

This ship is so underappreciated and deserves to be talked about more!!! (Another common thread in many of these entries.) I have searched for Tumblr posts and YouTube videos and have only found a few dedicated to this couple. There needs to be more!! As the second season of the Spanish Princess dragged for me a bit, once Mary Tudor and Charlie Brandon got more screen time and a plot-line I was instantly sucked in. They nicely balanced the falling out of love of Katherine and Harry. There should have been more scenes with Mary and Charlie. Right away, you could feel some sort of chemistry, but Mary had to be married to the King of France. Then the King dies and she’s promised to pick a marriage of love for her second marriage. Knowing her brother and expecting that she will be married off again she marries the messenger come to get her from France, Charlie Brandon. Super intrigued by their story I looked up the history of the real Mary and Charlie Brandon and their story matches very closely. They got married despite the King’s rules and had many children together. It seems to be a marriage of love like she wanted. This couple will forever be one of my favorites. 

They are also one of my major reasons for wanting to watch the Tudors. While they completely change the Mary and Charles romance (Firstly by naming her Margaret), at least it was very easy to watch. As Charles Brandon is played by the beautiful Henry Cavill. 

4. The Outpost: Talon and Garret

Speaking of underappreciated ships (and TV shows), I present Talon and Garret from CW’s The Outpost. It was SO HARD for me to find a picture from the third (and latest season) of them to put with this post. It’s even hard to watch any scenes of the show on YouTube. Talon and Garret FINALLY got together this season and it was ABOUT TIME! Since season 1 you have felt the tension between these two, but there were always obstacles and people in between them. There seemed to be potential in the first season and by the start of third I was not holding out hope anymore that they would be together. So, it was such a joyous occasion when they became endgame (is that too soon to say? I have no idea if there’s another season on the horizon). This couple solidified my love for a WARRIOR romance. One where, despite being two different genders (and for this show species), both partners are equal in strength and fighting ability. (Well, Talon could take Garret, but they are such a powerful duo!) I now want to read and watch more romances/ships with this trope. [Please let me know if you have any suggestions.] Just talking about them, I can’t help but smile (almost as big as Garret when he saw Talon again before she left for another mission). At the end of the season they might have tried to make it seem like they would pick other partners and I’m so glad they didn’t. You seriously need to watch this show if any of the above sounded appealing/you like high fantasy and maybe a little CGI cheesiest. 

3. The Society: Grizz and Sam

It breaks my heart talking about this ship ever since Netflix released that they were taking back the second season renewal of The Society. I started watching the Society during quarantine (shocking I know), but I do remember a lot from my time watching (more shocking, right?). Hands down the best couple from this show was Grizz and Sam. They weren’t introduced right away and again I might have cheated when I suspected the two might get together, so I looked up some spoilers. (Honestly, that’s the best sign of a ship in my book. If I can’t wait and need to look up spoilers then your show has a good thing going.) Individually Grizz and Sam were my favorite characters and then pairing them together I was dead. So many amazing moments with them. Naturally we didn’t get enough and I will continue to watch fan videos (because there are so many). They are precious and I’m so glad we got some closure at the end of the season because if we didn’t this cancellation would have been even harder. 

2. Nancy Drew: Nancy and Ace

Okay, I’ll try to keep this brief because I know I’ve talked about this couple A LOT on this page in 2020 (but that might be difficult FYI). From an honorable mention thought last year to #2 this year-THAT’S HUGE! But they deserve it, even if they haven’t officially become a couple on the show...well not yet. Early on in the first season I felt a pull between these two characters, which is super ironic seeing as how they had few scenes together and were a part of two different romances. (I mean Nancy had two different love interests.) I thought I was just imagining things (as I do often pair people who barely share plots), but then episode 14 happened and I was sold. Then I came onto Tumblr and discovered the amount of people that felt it too and knew we had something. Shout out to all the other blogs that mention Nace or are made just to honor this amazing duo. I know they will be endgame too and value all your posts that I’m constantly liking and looking for. 

Again, there’s so much I could talk about, but I’ll focus on how much they trust and listen to one another. (I mean Ace drank that stuff because he trusted Nancy!!!) I love how they get paired up on cases and go into investigator mode. They speak SO CLOSE to one another and just all the looks! If we don’t get more moments in the second season I don’t know how I’ll survive. They are just so perfect and I could easily see them become number 1 next year. I cannot wait for the start of season 2 on Jan. 20th!! For now I’ll fast forward through old episodes and watch my favorite moments. Like these:

AND NUMBER ONE.... DRUM ROLL PLEASE...

1. Anne with an E: Anne and Gilbert

Now I know what you’re thinking...’Stephanie, didn’t you pick Shirbert last year too?’ Why, yes that is true. But back then I had only watched seasons 1 and 2 with some spoiler videos of season 3. The release hadn’t come to Netflix yet. Since then, I have watched the last season (and the show as a whole multiple times). It’s just so good and watching the growth of the characters (not only Shirbert) means so much more when you can watch the episodes back to back. But we’re here for Shirbert and how we watched them rise. Yes, it departed from the novel, but I love the twists and turns it took getting to endgame. So many looks and unspoken feelings. I thought it was great how Anne discovered her feelings. I hated Winifred, but understood her purpose. Anne and Gilbert will always be one of my top OTPs no matter which adaptation. Of course, the book will always be the tops, but so many great representations of it have been done on screen. Ultimate enemies to friends to lovers. I hope to one day create characters that could be so strong and beloved. 

[captainsimagines]

Titanic || H.S

Part Six || “The Heart of the Ocean”

Disclaimer: I do not own the pictures I use for title cards. Obviously. 

Warnings: This book contains mature themes and discussions, such as gun violence, emotional and physical abuse, attempted suicide, mentions of blood, character deaths, heavy sexual content, and reference to the real maritime disaster of the 1912 cruise liner Titanic.

A/N: Sorry for a late update. I do plan on finishing this series lmao, enjoy! 

“Did you… did you break something on the ship? ‘Cause if you did I’m sorry but I’m for sure going to pretend that I don’t know you.”

     The cold wind seemed to nip at your skin harsher than when you were standing over the railing, and perhaps it was because a major red blush was currently tainting your cheeks. A negative one - not pleasurable.

Either you could brush this whole incident off like it hadn’t happened, or you could come up with your best excuse as to why you were so flustered. You knew what the crew was currently wondering, as was your disturbed fiance and his friendly detective, George. For the slightest instant you imagined what Cal would do or say if you revealed the truth of your midnight endeavor, but you quickly erased the images as they were all so tempting to make you climb back over the railing. 

All this time your savior was being dragged onto his two feet, being thrown from crew member to crew member in such a rough manner that it made you uncomfortable. The air was causing a sort of fogginess to your hearing, but you quickly snapped out of it when Cal began insulting him. 

“What makes you think you could put your hands on my fiance?” Cal questioned, stepping towards Harry and grabbing his chin to raise his face. You held the itchy blanket tighter against your shoulders as you stepped forward. “Answer me, you filth!”

“Cal, stop! Stop it!” you begged, quickly transitioning from a tone of hysteria to one of more confidence. “It was an accident!”

Cal stumbled a bit on his heels, wondering if he had processed your proclamation correctly. As did Harry. 

Harry had not spoken during this entire ordeal for the simple truth that if he did, he would be entirely ignored. There was no way to reason with these people, he thought, as it was your word against his. And he had almost wholeheartedly believed you would go along with the ‘assault mishap’, but your sudden intrusion between his body and Cal’s made him rethink this entire night. Harry remembered your expression of pain and loneliness from when you were contemplating jumping - how wretched and unhappy you seemed to be. And for someone to have that look on their face in what could have been their last moments of life, then they had to be good at heart as well. 

Cal cleared his throat, “An accident?”

You forced yourself to giggle as you looked between both confused men. “Yes! Oh my, it’s stupid really.” 

Harry waited patiently, hands handcuffed behind him and with a smug expression on his face. Anything you could possibly invent at this very moment was sure to be impressive. 

“I wasn’t very hungry earlier so I decided to take a stroll on deck. The night was so beautiful and the stars were reflecting off the water! So, I leaned over and I slipped!”

Cal blinked somewhat rapidly, looking between you and Harry. 

“I leaned far over to see the stars and those- uh-uh-”

You knew the word. Of course, you knew the word. But you still milked the lie and mimed the movement of the propellers - this way Cal would honestly believe you were stupid enough to lean over the railing. 

Cal looked up to the sky, annoyed by your ignorance. “Propellers?”

Your voice raised an octave, “Yes!”

Cal shut his eyes at your sudden high voice but maintained his perfect posture.  

Your savior was watching you this whole time, that smirk growing and growing as you continued talking. He was enjoying every second of this, even with a prospective charge of attempted sexual assault in his future. But with your toying of vocabulary and puppy-dog facial expressions, that charge might definitely be removed from the table now.

“I was leaning far over to see the propellers and I slipped! I would have gone overboard but Mr. Styles here saved me. He was only a few feet away enjoying a nightly cigarette.” 

Harry wanted to click his tongue and walk away, but the officer was still squeezing his hands together. It was as if everyone was waiting for Cal’s approval. 

“She wanted to see the propellers! Oh my, she wanted to see the propellers!” Cal laughed, an approval to your story that prompted everyone else to agree with it, too. 

The officer pulled Harry back to whisper in his ear. “Was that the way of it?”

Everyone turned their heads to Harry, who immediately looked to you. You practically pleaded with your eyes for him to agree.

Harry sighed and slightly smiled, “Yeah. That was pretty much it.”

The officer released Harry hands from the handcuffs and made his way over to George for his compensation. Cal’s drinking buddies all rejoiced in the happy accident, patting him on the back as if to say, ‘See! No nonsense was committed! Nothing to worry about!’

“The boy is a hero, then!” one exclaimed, walking over to Harry and shaking his hand. Cal paid no mind, and instead grabbed you by your shoulders and began rubbing your arms up and down. 

“Look at you! You must be freezing! Let’s get you inside.”

Cal turned you around to leave, but you gave one last look over your shoulder at Harry, thanking him quietly under your breath. 

The officer chuckled towards Cal, stopping him with a look of amusement. “Perhaps a little something for the boy?”

Cal raised an eyebrow, looking from the officer, to you, to Harry. “Right, George. I think a twenty should do it.”

Although it confused you to admit any form of love connection between you and Cal, you still pulled him back for such an absurd number. “Oh, is that the going rate for saving the woman you love?”

Cal pursed his lips and smiled at you, enjoying your attitude for once. “My fiance is displeased.”

Everyone shared a round of chuckles. 

“What to do?” Cal pondered. “Oh, I know.”

Cal shoved his thumbs into the tiny pockets of his vest, slowly walking up to Harry while looking at him from top to bottom. He was enjoying this, Harry could tell. Although he somewhat believed the wild story you told, Cal was not one to be taken as a fool. He had heard you speak freely before on a variety of topics, with such an advanced vocabulary and lovely hardened look of determination to always get your word in. Cal knew you weren’t stupid, no, but he would not have made sense of a possible meet-cute situation with a third-class passenger. He believed he knew you better than that - you would not dare stoop so low. And at this moment, with a frightened young man’s future practically in Cal’s hands, he decided to flip a switch and have a little fun for once. 

“Perhaps, you would enjoy joining us for dinner tomorrow night? To regale our group with your heroic tale!” 

Harry squinted his eyes at Cal. Everyone remained quiet, no silent laughs were heard, and Harry realized that he may actually be serious. He looked over at you, watching as you trembled underneath that sad excuse of a blanket, skin blotchy from dry tears but still so elegant. Your hair moved ever so slightly with the tiny burst of winds, and your lips were murmuring quick pleas. 

“Sure, I would love to.”

Cal lightly nodded, turning back to you and guiding you away from your temporary guardian angel. 

Harry watched as you slightly recoiled from the hugs Cal tried to give, but then watched the instance of submission, and wanted to run up to you and guide you instead. As your midnight savior, it only seemed right to pursue that role. But the third class would not be suitable for you, and Harry’s wild hero fantasies were quickly squashed. 

Instead, Harry motioned toward George. “Could you lend me a smoke?”

George looked from Cal to Harry, debating on whether to engage with him or not. But he took out his own pack of smokes anyway, lifting the box for Harry. Harry took one and left it dangling between his incisors for a few seconds, watching George watch him. 

“I find it interesting,” George spoke, tucking his smokes back into his coat pocket. “That you were so quick to remove your jacket as the young lady slipped so suddenly.”

Harry shifted his weight, “I had removed it before she slipped.”

“And where were you standing?” George asked, walking to the railing. “Here?”

Harry only stared as George walked over to the other side of the railing. “Or here?”

George grinned, almost as if a lightbulb came on above his balding head. “Or…”

And he walked over to the lonely bench that had Harry’s drawing book, pencil pouch, and solitary pack of smokes. “Here.”

Harry shifted his weight once again, trying to seem more confident in his face than in his worried body. “Like I said, I removed the coat before she slipped and made my way over as she yelled for help.”

George raised his chin up high, judging Harry with every sudden movement. 

“Perhaps,” George said. “But a sudden slip from leaning would have resulted in her flipping over the railing, and her arms would have been backwards so how could she grab-”

“I would really love to stay and chat and ponder all kinds of possibilities but the rats in third-class need feeding,” Harry announced, grabbing his stuff and giving George a short wave goodbye. 

It wasn’t until he was around the corner and down the stairs that Harry could choke out the sob that was scratching at his throat this whole time. 

He really saved you. 

He really fucking succeeded in doing that. 

He stumbled down to third-class swallowing the massive lump in his throat and blinking away the stinging tears, ready to scarf down whatever food was left at the buffet. 

          “What have you done!?”

You flinched from the volume of your mother’s voice, practically cowering at the edge of your bed as she, Cal, and George walked through your messy stay room. Flower vases shattered, jewelry pinched and pulled from their stands, buttons from your evening gown on the floor, and perfume bottles shattered, their smell intermingling with the expensive fabric of the carpet and wallpaper. 

 “Look at me! What have you done?”

Before you could speak, Cal shushed your own mother and held his own hand up. Your mother blinked rapidly, looking from Cal and back to you, a look of absolute astonishment tainting her pale face. But was she going to respond to that disrespect? She never did and you didn’t count on her starting any time soon. 

“This night has been…” Cal muttered, loud enough for only the four of you to hear. “Peculiar.” 

He picked up the tossed chair by your make-up table, gently turning it back up and messed around with whatever trinkets were in his immediate reach. 

“I’m sure she has a valid explanation for such…” he paused. “Clutter.”

All you wanted to do was open the blankets and hoped they swallowed you whole. This whole situation was beyond embarrassing. Yes, you destroyed parts of your stay room and had no reasonable explanation for it other than ‘jumping into the ocean and ultimately not having to worry about it’. But all eyes were eating away at your awkward demeanor. You sat with your hands intertwined in your shaking lap, staring at little diamond designs in the soiled carpet. 

Cal’s voice rang through your ears again, “Well?”

You looked up and decided to look at George first, the least threatening one of the group. He seemed to be giving you a wholesome look of sympathy, as if he knew Cal was going to handle this whole situation in the worst way possible later. 

“I’ve been really anxious lately.”

“Oh, well, we haven’t noticed!” Your mother’s voice dripped with heavy sarcasm. Instead of collapsing deeper within yourself, you quickly turned your head in her direction, a look of solid outrage etched across your face. You had had such a difficult night, what with wanting to commit suicide and almost falling into the freezing ocean all within the last hour, that a look of pure anger toward your mother was enough to tell her non-verbally that you would indeed fight her if provoked. 

“No, I haven’t. Excuse me for having a breakdown.”

“Yes, excuse you. Now we’ll have to bring the waiting staff up here to clean up your little breakdown, and God knows they’ll gossip about it until the end of time,” Cal groaned, rubbing his temples. 

You shook your heavy head, wanting to say anything to have them leave you in peace. “I’ll clean it. I will simply ask for more towels and an empty box to put the broken items.”

Your mother scoffed, “You? Clean it? How absurd of a-”

“Would you rather I ask four or five servants to help and rant about my day to them?”

Cal stuttered in his stance, surprised by such an outburst. George, poor George, was used to this but still had a tiny smirk on this face. He decided to take his exit and slip out of the room. 

“I will clean it.”

Your mother simply marched from your room. Cal stood silent for a moment, looked at you, and gave you a small smile. 

“Don’t forget to scrub the carpets.”

And with that, he exited as well. Once the door shut and it was quiet for more than ten seconds, you collapsed onto the rug beneath you, your breath unsteady and chest tight. 

          It was as if he walked through the hallways completely lightheaded, still bouncing on the adrenaline spike from almost falling off the ship earlier. The combination of slipping, catching you, and watching your face contort with such a frightened expression was enough to increase the pressure in the middle of his chest. All he could do now was travel through his third-class lounging and take his mind elsewhere. 

Through the happy commotion and drunk third-class passengers, Harry could faintly hear the sound of the band underneath his feet. Dreamy eyes watched him pass by, hungry for a word or two with the confused boy, and drunk pushes from side to side to accompany such a late night. Harry didn’t know if he was heading to his own room or down the stairs for his snack, the music now beginning to become hazy in his ears. 

Without even comprehending the movement of his quick feet, he found himself in line for the last of the dinner soup and freshly baked bread. Once he got his meal, he sat at one of the empty tables and drank his soup, watching everyone lean on each other in sleepy states and finishing their own meals. There were families of all sizes, singles enjoying their time alone, and couples leaning over the railing outside watching the waves swim by. A part of Harry wanted to warn them about leaning over too far, that it was so simple for a sweaty palm to lose its grip, that the water was just so cold that it may just be better to be shot point blank. 

Harry ran a hand through his hair and quickly finished his meal, grabbing his untouched piece of bread and picking at it as he walked back to his cabin. He shoved his sketchbook underneath his armpit like he always did, walking slowly and absentmindedly back to his cabin, small pieces of bread in between his teeth every once in a while. His mind wasn’t entirely absent, obviously, but he still only saw flashes of the dark abyss below your dangling body. A shiver ran up his spine and he was hit was the sudden need to see you - you couldn’t be around the ship’s railings without him. 

Stop. You’re being ridiculous. She’s probably all cozied up with her rich fiance in that massive bed and far, far away from the water-

“Woah, where have you been all night? I had to eat dinner with our roommates, who have no manners by the way-”

Harry just now registered that Drake was steadying his shoulders and speaking to him. He snapped out of his dazed state, wondering just how many of his third-class mates he had ignored as he walked. 

“Drake, I gotta talk to someone. Now.”

“Did you… did you break something on the ship? ‘Cause if you did, I’m sorry but I’m for sure going to pretend that I don’t know you.”

Harry rolled his eyes and continued walking to their cabin, glancing over his shoulder once in a while to make sure his only confidant was still following him. Once they entered their room, Harry locked the door and checked if their roommates weren’t hidden in any crevice of their very tiny room. 

“Spill. I’m curious now.”

Harry breathed slowly, holding in his large breaths and exhaling deeply. This intrigued Drake, who was leaning on the bed post of his roommate with his arms crossed, an amused expression painted across his face. Harry sat on his own bed, hands covering his mouth. But once he could control his rapid breathing, Harry set his hands in his lap and looked up at Drake. 

“I did something good.”

“Oh, thank God! You had me there-”

“And I did something bad.”

“- Fucking Christ, man.”

Drake lowered his head as if to protect against the bad blow, but nonetheless curious to what horrible act Harry committed.

“I saved a woman from falling over the side of the ship.”

“Man that’s-!”

“She was trying to commit suicide.”

“...Man, that’s-”

“I convinced her to come back over the railing-”

Drake interrupted yet again, “She was already over the railing?”

 “And then she slipped and I almost went over, too.”

This time Drake let Harry finish.

“I saw her face. I had convinced her to come over the railing, and she was just this broken soul who didn’t want help. It’s like she didn’t even know the concept of receiving help.”

Harry sighed, running his hand through his hair repeatedly. “Then it was like we were joking with each other, only for a second. She wanted to come back over. Then she slipped and I swear Drake, I saw the regret in her face.”

Drake shifted uncomfortably. The subject matter was too intense, but Drake would have done the same thing. An opportunity to be there for someone else - well, that was Drake’s perfect cup of tea. 

“But you saved her. And saved yourself, luckily, in the process.”

“That’s not the worst part, Drake.”

“You gotta tell me, because right now I’m blank.”

Harry groaned and lay back onto his pillow. “Pretty sure she was fucking royalty.”

Drake’s eyes widened and he puckered his lips in silent astonishment. He didn’t say anything, opting to let Harry continue talking. 

“She had the clothes for it. She was wearing make-up, this dark and glossy red lipstick. And although I could smell the sea below us, I could still smell her fruity perfume.”

Neither man knew what to make of this encounter. For Drake, he was the listener and was to provide some form of broken advice. Because from what he heard so far, there wasn’t any worry unless the woman complained about Harry to someone else. For Harry, all he wanted to do was tell someone about this - he wasn’t craving advice or words of encouragement. He simply needed to tell someone that he saved a life and almost lost his own in the process. At this moment, no matter how much he respected Drake, he really wanted to speak to his mother. 

“After I pulled her back over, we tumbled onto the dock. It was like my ears didn’t register her loud screams as I was pulling her back up because next thing I know, I’m being pulled from on top of her.”

“Fuck, Harry please tell me-”

“She wasn’t wearing a night coat and I wasn’t wearing one either. By pulling her up, her dress had ripped to the middle of her thigh.”

Drake now groaned non-stop and he climbed to his top bunk, slamming himself face first into his own pillow. 

“Then her fiance came out.”

By now, Drake was involuntarily laughing. Loud laughs that shook his whole body, a response to the amazing events that transpired. The pure lack of luck Harry had was too much not to ‘involuntarily’ laugh at it. 

“But she lied. She told them she was leaning over and I simply caught her. She made herself look stupid just to save my ass.”

“Obviously she didn’t want to just announce she almost killed herself,” Drake replied. But still, Drake stared at the ceiling, fingers tapping the top of his other hand. A first-class passenger taking the blame for something major? Unlikely. Unheard of. Unbelievable. 

“Why do you think she saved your ass?”

Harry sighed softly, a small smile forming on his face. “I think it’s because I’m the only one who wanted to pull her back over. No one else came. No one else was around.”

Drake nodded even though Harry couldn’t see him, “I don’t really know what to say, Harry.”

So Harry ranted the rest of the night, subconsciously thinking about possibly seeing you again. Would you look happy and well recovered? Would you nod to him in silent agreement, like a nonverbal statement of truce? Or would ignore him entirely, thank him for what he did, uninviting him from that dinner your fiance mentioned?

“Oh my God!” Harry yelled, hands accidentally tugging some of his hair from their roots. 

Drake’s sleepy eyes flew open and he sat up straight, watching as Harry began pacing around the small room.  “Wha-What?”

“Her fiance invited me to dinner tomorrow night. First-class dinner. I don’t- I said ‘yes’!”

“Why in the world would you say ‘yes’?”

“I panicked! What was I supposed to say to an offer like that after what just happened?”

 “Uh, ‘no’!”

Harry collapsed on his bed, pulling the blanket over his head and shutting his eyes tightly. Drake was somewhat wide awake now, completely amazed at both Harry’s bravery and stupidity combined. 

“We’ll deal with this tomorrow,” Drake started. “For now, we sleep and hope she doesn’t change her story.”

Harry agreed with that logic, no matter how much his mind told him to think of a backup plan. But now wasn’t the time, not when his thoughts were scattered. All he knew for sure was that he would see you again, and he had no idea what he would ultimately say. 

           You absentmindedly pulled stray hair from your hairbrush, rolling the strands and tossing them into the can beside your make-up table. You had cleaned the room the best you could and used so many towels that the staff would definitely wonder what happened this night, but you couldn’t care less. The floor was clean, your bed was made, and only the smell of the perfume you broke lingered in the air. 

You didn’t hear the door to your stay room open as you continued to get ready for bed. You gasped at the sight of Cal, hand instinctively clutching your chest. He chuckled at your reaction, walking slowly to where you were seated. 

“I did not think tonight was going to have so much excitement.”

You gave him a small smile, eyes trained on him through your mirror. “It’s late, Cal. Perhaps we should go to bed.”

“Are you inviting me?”

You cringed inwardly but still kept a steady posture. You shook your head and chuckled nicely at his statement, hands going back to work on your hairbrush. 

“I was hoping to save this for the engagement galla next week,” Cal continued, sweeping the jewelry on your desk to the side and taking the hairbrush from your hand. You accepted the small defeat, hands now resting on your thighs.

“But I think now is the proper time.”

Cal opened a velvet blue box in front of you, a heart-shaped diamond that could fill the palm of your hand inside. 

“Oh my,” you gasped, looking up toward Cal for an explanation. “Cal, this is too much.”

“Nonsense,” he chuckled and picked up the necklace, unclipping the back and bringing it toward your neck. You pulled your hair back and let him clip it on. 

“Look at you.”

And you did. It was heavy, the dark blue tint looking more like a horrid bruise in the middle of your sternum, and you wanted it off immediately. It was beautiful, you thought, but it was not yours. 

“Cal, it’s overwhelming,” you said, somehow trying to convey the very uncomfortable feeling you were being drowned by. But Cal just smiled behind you, kneeling down beside you and looking into your eyes and back to the necklace. You cupped the heart in your hand. 

“It was worn by Louis the XVI, his crown. It was made for royalty,” Cal spoke, now watching you as you held it tightly. “We are royalty. ‘Au coeur de l'océan’, they call it.”

“The heart of the ocean,” you translated at the same time Cal did, a look of shock on his face. You wanted to roll your eyes, disbelief overriding your senses at the fact he assumed you didn’t know French. As if you hadn’t studied it since the age of three. 

“It’s yours now.”

You looked at Cal without the help of the mirror, staring at his dark eyes and trying to read them. He leaned his cheek on his left hand and he gave you a small smile. 

“Oh, open your heart to me, Sweetpea,” he practically begged, waiting only a few more seconds before sighing and unclipping the necklace from your neck. You actually pondered his request, wondering if opening your heart for this man would truly be as bad as you assumed it would be. But all you could do was give him a gentle nod - not one of acceptance, but a promise to at least think about it. He left you alone after saying goodnight, still sitting in front of the mirror, furrowed eyebrows straining your forehead and giving you a headache. 

Because as you thought about succumbing to a possibly loveless marriage with Cal, the soft face of the boy from earlier crept back into your mind, poking and prodding at any common sense left inside the padded confines of your skull.

- xxMoni

[beholdme]

All the Many Shades of Gerry - Chapter 9

Chapters: 9/19

Fandom: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Martin Blackwood/Gerard Keay, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist

Characters: Martin Blackwood, Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay, Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), Sasha James, Gertrude Robinson, Elias Bouchard

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Library AU, Librarian Jon, Artist Gerry, Trans Male Character, Trans Martin Blackwood, Canon Asexual Character, Asexual Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist, Ace Subtype - Sex Positive, Polyamory, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Romantic Fluff, Falling In Love, Boys in Skirts, Kissing, Demisexual Gerard Keay, Minor Character Death, Past Character Death, Canon-Typical Child Neglect, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Flirting, Minor Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist/Tim Stoker, Adventures in Hair Dying, Happy Ending, Banter, Gerry has a lot of sass, Gerard Keay is Morticia Adams, Jon is a very grumpy Librarian, Martin adores them anyway.

Summary: In which Gerry is a kaleidoscope and Jon and Martin can’t help falling in love with him.

He happens to love them back.

Find it on Ao3

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8]

On a Tuesday in the middle of November, not long after Gerry's 28th birthday, the three of them eat dinner at Gerry's flat, as they often do these days. Jon cooks for them and after, Martin and Gerry wash the dishes and debate the book they both just finished reading.

Jon has been twitchy all evening, so they leave him to read his own book in peace.

He wanders in at one point, leaning against the counter. "Gerry, do you know what day it is?"

Gerry looks over at him in such a way as to indicate that he really doesn't.

"Our six-month anniversary?" He tries.

"No," Martin pipes up, "That's not for weeks yet."

Jon and Gerry both look at him askance. "What? Your boyfriend starts dating another man, you remember the date. I can't believe you two don't know." Martin says as if that about covers it.

"Nevermind that." Jon snaps, and even with his previous moodiness, the others are taken aback at his blunt words and even harsher tone.

"Something wrong, Jon?" Gerry asks quietly, leaning against the opposite counter to Jon and crossing his arms. His tone suggests what he actually wanted to say was 'Do we have a problem here, bitch?' but he manages to reign the actual words in.

"I want to know why you left without saying goodbye." Jon's words are filled with a multitude of frustrations, none of which are actually conveyed in his limited words.

"Yesterday?" Gerry asks, incredulous. "You were asleep!"

"No! Not yesterday." Jon snaps back. "When we were younger. It's been ten years today since you disappeared off the face of the planet."

"Oh," Gerry responds quietly, his defensive posture dropping. He leans his hands back on the table behind him, bringing his shoulders up around his ears. It’s a rare display of confident, edgy Gerry trying to shrink himself.

"I thought we were, you know. Together. Then one day you were just gone! As if you had never existed. Your mother wouldn't tell me anything at all, just sat there smirking at me, said that you were gone and she didn't know when you were coming back, or if you were ever coming back. Which you never did, actually." Jon has been pacing, his voice rising with each new word until the final words are shouted accusatorily into the space between them.

Gerry knew Jon had wanted to talk about this since the day he walked in the library and back into his life. He had waited, been patient, and Gerry had put it off in the hopes that he would never have to choke the words out. Now, that patience was obviously over, and he knew he owed Jon this explanation.

"We were together Jon. I loved you."

"So why? What did I do so wrong, that I got to wake up one day and find you gone ?" Jon's voice has become desperate, and they can all hear the tears that he is trying to hold back.

"Don't say that. You didn't do anything wrong. We weren't perfect, but we were always so good together. I... I had to get out of there. And I couldn't leave any clues behind, so I couldn't tell you anything, because it wouldn't have been safe for either of us." Gerry reaches towards Jon to soothe him, but he flinches away and Gerry doesn't pursue him.

"I don't understand." The tears have come, and Gerry desperately tries to hold back his own when he sees them.

Martin had up until that point been standing resolutely in the corner, trying not to interfere in their pre-Martin argument. At the advent of tears, Martin moves to stand at Jon's back, gripping his shoulder for comfort. Gerry looks bereft and Martin holds out a hand to get him to come closer as well. They huddle all together, both Jon and Gerry taking comfort in Martin's steadiness.

Gerry leans into Jon, sliding his hand around his neck and pressing their foreheads together. "I'm so sorry, love. I've never forgiven myself for just disappearing on you. I thought about you every day."

"I love you," Jon whispers as Martin rocks them both gently. "But I need to know."

"I love you too." Gerry shuts his eyes and wishes more than ever to erase his shitty legacy of pain and blood.

*

Martin drags them to bed and offers to leave them alone to their talk.

"Please stay," Gerry says, grasping his hand. "You both need to know, and I don't want to have to talk through this twice."

So they all pile into Gerry's bed together, sitting in a vague circle like teenagers at a slumber party.

As Gerry starts to talk, Martin drags him over toward him and begins braiding his dark blue hair. It's both an offer of physical comfort and affection (easily Gerry's main love language) and a simple way of letting him off the hook for eye contact.

With Jon staring at him quite intently, Martin doesn't think he needs any further pressure.

"Jon, you-" He starts and then halts abruptly. Jon reaches over and grasps his hand, attempting to further ground him. "You remember my mother. I know you saw how, how just off she was. Manipulative and controlling. By turns demanding and completely uninterested in me. One day I would be free to run wild for weeks at a time, the next she would have a meltdown if I wasn't exactly where she wanted me, every second of the day and night." Gerry blows a breath out, shuddering at the memory of a particularly bad incident with a vase that had left him needing several stitches over his left eye.

"Well, she wasn't always like that. I remember her being a pretty good mom when I was young, if distant. She was always far more interested in being a wife than a mother, and she loved the way my father adored her.

“When I was 7, my father was blinded in an accident at work. I remember the day the phone call came. She spoke very calmly to the hospital, before hanging up the phone and shattering every picture frame in the house." Martin is finished with Gerry's hair and simply leans into him, offering silent comfort. "He coped okay with his new disability actually, and I liked helping him learn the world again with no sight. My mother never recovered from her initial breakdown though. She was angry and petulant that she needed to help and support him for the first time in their entire relationship and became more and more unhinged over the course of a year.

"One day I came home from school to find a puddle of blood soaked into the floor of the living room. She said there had been an accident and my father wasn't coming back. She hit me for the first time when I cried. She told me that I was a man now, and tears were for useless girls and disgusting… Well, you get the picture."

Gerry pauses and glances between them. A few tears have started to run down his face, but he doesn't seem to even notice them.

"We moved a few days later, and that was all I ever knew about my father's death until I was eighteen, almost ten years later. I'll spare you the horrid details, but as I'm sure you've already guessed, she murdered him. She explained very, very graphically what she had done with the body, and that she would never be caught, no one would ever think to blame her, even if anyone could ever prove that he was dead at all."

The words hang heavy in the air between the three of them. Gerry feels the comfort of their touches, but can hardly stand the affection anymore. He gets up off the bed and goes to look out the bedroom window, arms crossed and posture hard.

"Then she looked me right in the eye. And she told me that was exactly what would happen to Jon if she ever caught me with him again."

Dead, cold silence fills the room.

Gerry turns back around to find them both watching him. "So, I packed whatever I could fit into my duffle bag, and I got the hell out of dodge. I ran. I ran because I couldn't close my eyes at night with seeing your face white and cold and covered in blood and," he breaks off and takes a shuddering breath, covering his eyes and sinking to his knees. "And I couldn't stand that she would hurt you because of me. That all your light and potential would be ripped away from you in blood and pain and nothing I felt for you could make even the risk of that worthwhile."

He lifts his head to look up at them, where they’ve moved to the side of the bed towards him. “And do you want to know what the worst part is, actually? I can’t get over the idea that even though I haven’t seen Mary Keay in 10 years, the ghost of her demons lives inside of me. That I'm really just… Her. That one day my mind will snap and I'll be a danger to you both and I'll be the one hurting you, just like she hurt him. And then I'll just be the same monster who has always haunted my dreams."

Martin and Jon exchange a heavy look. They can scarcely believe that Gerry had endured so much and yet is still… Gerry. Happy, flirtatious, loving Gerry. Gerry, who fills their lives with colour and spontaneity, always showing up when they least expected him, pushing himself into their gravity and asking for space in their lives.

Despite the rather violent nature of Gerry's confession, it doesn't change anything for either of them. Things are not yet settled between them, but they curl around Gerry on the floor and they cry together over shattered innocence and sacrificed futures, and Jon promises himself that he will never let Mary Keay come between him and Gerry ever again.

[f00pyf00p]

Skateboard Go Zoom

Rating: General Relationships: Romantic Analogical Warnings: Foster System, Mentions of TERFs Word count: 4029 Summary: The poor victim Ms. Williams had preyed on began to stutter an answer. Virgil tried to pay attention, he really did, but the sun had decided to come out from behind a cloud at that exact moment and the light hit Logan in the face and suddenly Virgil was much more interested in watching Logan blink against it.His eyelashes always seemed golden tipped in the light. Other Notes: Analogical Week Day 5: Vocab card/Skateboard @analogicalweek

Read on AO3

Their town's skatepark was small. People trickled in and out of it, but there were never more than four people looking to use it at a time (unless of course, a group of high schoolers came together), and anyone stopping to watch only ever hung around for about a minute before continuing on their way.

The park consisted of a smaller-sized bowl, a short flat rail Virgil only ever used to practice hippie jumps, and a couple of quarter pipe ramps facing one another. There were several graffiti designs, a couple that Virgil had done himself, but generally, the park was well maintained.

Virgil absolutely loved it.

It was a rare afternoon to find the park devoid of Virgil. When he couldn’t be in the bowl, Virgil was manualing from quarter to quarter or practicing whatever newest trick he was working on off to the side. At the moment, that was an early grab finger flip. It was a move where he was supposed to squat down, grab the nose of his board with his hand, then lift up, while jumping, and flip the board so he landed flat on it and continued rolling.

At the moment, Virgil kept pulling up on the nose before he hopped and ending up not doing much of anything- besides tripping over the damn thing. He had gotten it a few times though; it was a work in process.

But of course, Virgil could only go to the park in the afternoons. Right now it was morning. Which meant he was in the worst possible place on earth, in the worst possible class, with the worst possible person sitting next to him.

“8 is to the power of 4x+2,” Ms. Williams said loudly. “And it's equal to 64. So, what do we do to solve for x?”

The worst person Virgil could possibly be sitting next to’s hand shot into the air.

Ms. Williams sighed. “Anyone besides Logan?”

The class was silent. Logan’s hand slowly stuttered back to his side and he looked down at his paper.

Virgil peeked over at it and found all the practice problems Ms. Williams had said they would be doing together already finished, answers neatly circled and not an eraser mark on the damn thing.

Which was impressive because Ms. Williams had only handed them out about five minutes ago.

“Sally? Do you know where to start?”

The poor victim Ms. Williams had preyed on began to stutter an answer. Virgil tried to pay attention, he really did, but the sun had decided to come out from behind a cloud at that exact moment and the light hit Logan in the face and suddenly Virgil was much more interested in watching Logan blink against it.

His eyelashes always seemed golden tipped in the light.

Okay, freak. Virgil scolded himself. You’re in math class, not theater.

He had just managed to pull his attention back to the whiteboard in front of them when Logan had the fucking audacity to brush his hair back with his hand and then all Virgil’s useless brain could think about what it would feel like?

Was it soft? It certainly looked soft. He could imagine running his fingers through the black roots before wrapping his arms around Logan’s neck and-

Stop it.

Virgil’s brain decided not to listen to his request and began to wonder on repeat if Logan’s lips would be squishy and delicate, or more commanding.

He glanced over at Logan and found the boy watching him. They met eyes and almost instantaneously, both Logan and Virgil looked away. At this point, Virgil was sure he looked like a tomato, and it was very small comfort to know that Logan’s face had darkened as well.

It took a moment for Virgil to gather himself, but he forced his attention back to the board and concentrated on each one of the practice questions Ms. Williams had assigned them. They ended up finishing a little early, so Ms. Williams passed out their homework as well.

Virgil, apparently, had not learned his lessons from the earlier eye contact and spent the entirety of math glancing over at Logan. Logan (of course) had already finished his homework and was leafing through what appeared to be a psychology book with notes all over the margins and Virgil watched as he reached over and highlighted a certain section.

God, he was adorable.

Logan glanced over at him again and again, both boys looked away instantly. Cursing himself, Virgil made a quiet vow that he wouldn’t look at Logan for the rest of the period- a vow that he broke not even a full minute later.

Math was a very stressful period.

Somehow, Virgil managed to finish all homework problems just as the bell rang and he shoved the papers into his bag before practically running out of the room.

He didn’t notice the wide pair of brown eyes that followed him out the door.

__

The skatepark was a little busier than normal- meaning that every piece of equipment was currently in use- but that simply gave Virgil the time to practice the early grab finger flip, a trick that continued to elude him like the annoying thing it was.

Rolling rolling… now jump and snatch! Flip and land it!

Virgil grinned as he put his foot down and came to a stop. That was the fourth time in a row he had gotten the trick down, and while it wasn’t nearly close to perfection, he was very happy with it.

He was about to do a 180 hippie jump over the rail when out of the corner of his eyes, he spotted a young African-American boy crouched over a book. His right hand held a pencil that he was diligently using to underline an area in the gigantic book he held and he followed that by a little scribble of notes off to the side

Virgil would’ve recognized that face anywhere.

Logan?

No no no no no no no noooo…

What is he doing here?

I want to talk to him.

No. Talking is bad. We don’t do that here.

Just go up and say “Hi. It’s Virgil from math class.”

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Okay, what about an excuse? “Hi, it’s Virgil from math class. Sorry to bother you, but I’m struggling with question 3 on the homework-”

NO. That’s weird. And creepy.

Okay, what if we just wave to him. Waving is normal.

No, it's not.

Well, it's also weird if you don’t acknowledge him.

Shut uppppp.

Virgil swallowed. He shook his head wildly before facing the rail again and riding right for it.

As soon as the rail got close enough, Virgil jumped up and off of his board, and spun his body 180 degrees so rather than facing the beautiful boy on the bench, he looked over at the bowl. His landing was perfect, as expected of him.

He wondered if Logan was watching.

Virgil did another kickflip and then almost stopped to bash his head against the wall.

Riding was for him. For the adrenaline when soaring through the bowl, for the wind in his face, for the achievement when he finally mastered a new trick. Not for showing off to hot boys.

He wondered if Logan would be impressed by a flamingo.

Pull yourself together, Casey.

For the next couple of hours, Virgil did his best to forget about the boy taking notes in his book and concentrated on enjoying himself. He managed to get a number of different turns in the bowl, where he could enjoy doing a couple of bonelesses- a trick where he grabs the board, flips it up in front of him, and jumps off of his front foot, then turns the board and aims his front foot so it lands on the board. He got a couple of cheers each time he did one of those.

Later that night, when most people had cleared out, Logan and Virgil remained. Logan still hadn’t looked up from that stupid book, but Virgil had once watched Logan forget to go to lunch because he was engulfed in reading, so that wasn’t very surprising.

Virgil was back to working on his early grab finger flip when Logan’s black glasses slid down his nose. In one movement, Logan shoved his glasses back up, made a note in his book, and stuck the end of his pencil into his mouth.

Virgil tripped over the tail of his board and sent it riding solo, straight into Logan’s foot.

Logan glanced down at it

This was it. This was the end. Virgil was going to die, right here, and Logan would forever remember him as the terrible skateboarder who sent boards flying into people’s feet like a complete newb.

For some obnoxious reason, however, Virgil kept breathing and his heart kept beating- admittedly at a mile a minute. His hands became clammy as Logan looked over at him, back down at the board, and said;

“Do I… do I kick it back to you? I don’t want to break it.”

Holy shit, they were talking.

It took a few seconds for Virgil to realize Logan needed an answer and that they had in fact, been standing in silence for the past 30 seconds.

“Oh! Yeah! Sure!” Virgil debated slapping himself in the face. “It’s durable, trust me. I’ve wiped out on it loads of times.”

At this point, Virgil was pretty sure his face was brighter than the sun and he was more than ready to find a ditch to curl up and die in.

Logan put his foot on the tail of the nose of the board and before Virgil would warn him that it was too far to the left, Logan pushed and the board took off.

It rode straight for Virgil for about three seconds before promptly turning and heading off on its own adventure to the right.

Logan's entire face went a warm brown and he instantly leaped to his feet and went to grab the board. Virgil didn’t really notice and the two of them made it there at the same time, barely a couple of feet apart.

Virgil kicked his board up so the tail landed in his hand.

“I um- Sorry,” Logan said. “I mean to push it towards you.”

Virgil waved a hand to say “no problem” mostly because his tongue had stopped working in his mouth and he was pretty sure if he said it aloud it would be a garble of complete gibberish. He tried to come up with something to say- something to get this beautiful, beautiful boy to keep talking to him- but nothing was coming to mind and he was going to miss the one opportunity he had and then he would die alone and sad-

“You’re skateboard tricks are cool.” Logan scratched the back of his neck and Virgil’s heart stuttered to a halt. “I saw a couple of them while I was working. You’re very impressive.”

It was all Virgil could do not to squeal.

“Thank you.” Somehow, he found it within himself to keep his voice steady.

He still needed to say something else.

What else could he say?

Ummmm…

“I could teach you if you want.”

What?! NO!

It’s fine, it’s fine. He’ll just say no thanks and then I can go spend the rest of my life cringing at this moment.

“If you really wouldn’t mind, I do think I would enjoy acquiring a new skill.” Logan looked up and met Virgil’s eyes. “It sounds… fun.”

What?

Virgil blinked.

Logan. The most beautiful person on the planet. Wanted to hang out. With him?

Him?!

The sun might as well have just set in the east. Virgil closed and opened his mouth several times before he finally figured out that using his vocal cords was helpful in human communication and said;

“Y-yeah. Sure.” Virgil licked his lips. “I can go over the really basic stuff now if you want.”

“Satisfactory.”

“Right. Okay. Then um…” Virgil dropped his board onto the floor in front of them and took a couple of steps back. “So there are two basic stances. There’s regular, where you have your left foot in the front, and then right back, and goofy, which is opposite. You’re- Are you right-handed?”

Logan nodded.

“Okay. Then I’d go regular. That’s usually most comfortable for right-handed people.”

Logan nodded again and before Virgil could give any more instructions stepped onto the board. Almost instantly, the board titled forward and Logan went stumbling off it, right into Virgil.

Virgil caught his shoulders with both hands. “Right. So don’t do that.”

A half-smile appeared on Logan’s face and Virgil’s heart did a somersault. He managed to keep his breathing steady and let go of Logan in turn by reaching for the board and pulling it back over to them.

“So instead of… whatever you just did, you’re going to put your left foot near the nose- or um, the front of the board- a little after the bolt. And then your right foot should be shoulder-width apart at a slight angle. On the tail.”

Logan stepped up again, this time more cautiously. He glanced over at Virgil, who smiled encouragingly, and then slowly placed his feet precisely where Virgil had told him.

A more real, fond smile appeared on Virgil’s face. This guy and following directions…

“Right. Now bend your knees a little for better balance just use your right foot to shove you forward.”

Logan did both at once. The board rolled- a lot slower than Virgil could remember ever going and he stopped after a few feet, but when Logan looked back his entire face had lit up like a child’s on Christmas morning.

Virgil couldn’t help but smile back.

__

Skateboard lessons became a daily thing. Every day, after school Virgil and Logan would go to the skatepark (separately) and Virgil would spend the first two hours dicking around and doing tricks while Logan would read some random stupidly heavy nonfiction book. Once people had cleared out, Virgil and Logan would begin their “lesson” which started off as simple instructions but quickly devolved into actually talking.

The first time the talking happened, Virgil had been questioning Logan about being home on time.

“It’s getting dark.” Virgil glanced at the sun falling behind them and then back at Logan, who was trying (and failing) to do an ollie (a very fundamental skateboard jump). “Do you need to worry about going home?”

Logan jumped up and the skateboard hit the floor with an ugly crash. “I like being out of the house.”

“You need to make sure you’re comfortable popping the board up,” Virgil advised. He paused. “Your parents won’t mind?”

Logan shrugged. “My parents died when I was a baby and I currently reside in a house with eight other foster kids. They’ll barely notice.” He placed both feet on the board and leaned down, so the nose of the board was up in the air and his back foot firmly planted the tail on the ground. “I’ve got the popping down. I can’t do the jumping part.”

Virgil hadn’t been quite sure what to say. In the end, they had just carried on with the lesson.

The next time it happened, Logan had mentioned how the term “ssri” kept showing up in his newest psychology book and he wasn’t quite sure what it meant.

“I mean, I’m aware it's a type of medication,” Logan informed him as he tried (and failed) to perform the ollie again. “But it seems to be a category and I don’t know for what.”

“Oh its selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors,” Virgil said calmly. “I take Celexa, so I’ve had that term thrown in my face a lot.”

Logan blinked at him. “Celexa is prescribed for depression.”

Virgil met his eyes, licked his lips, and then sheepishly looked down at the floor. “Yeah. I guess so.”

“I um…” Logan shoved his glasses up his nose. “I think you’re very strong. I don’t know what it's like, but simply reading about it suggests that you’re incredibly strong. And if…” his voice trailed off. “If you ever want to talk to anyone, I’m open.”

Virgil had never appreciated anyone more than he appreciated Logan at that moment.

Skateboarding after that became more limited. Not because either one was no longer interested- but because conversation would take up quite quickly and figuring out how to ollie suddenly wasn’t the priority.

“You read all of Twilight!?” Virgil gaped at him from his spot beside Logan on the bench. “How!? You’re Mr. Read Long Boring Nonfiction books!”

“I read fiction too!” Logan was half-smiling again. “But, I didn’t read Twilight to enjoy the story so much as to critique it. It’s the same reason I read the 50 Shades of Grey series and watched The Kissing Booth.”

Virgil stared at him open-mouthed.

“I have a notebook- well, a series of notebooks really- dedicated to ripping apart literature. I’ll react to each chapter or each arc of the movie and put downtimes and chapter so I can go back to it, and then write what went wrong plotwise, characterwise, setting-wise, etc.” Logan’s smile turned into a full one at the look on Virgil’s face. “It’s really quite enjoyable.”

“Do you have them on good works as well?”

“Certainly! I have an entire notebook simply on where Harry Potter went wrong. Admittedly, I made it after J.K. came as a TERF in a bit of a rage but it is quite detailed.”

“I’ll need to read that,” Virgil said sincerely. “I’m pissed at her as well.”

Logan shoved his glasses up his nose and wiped his hands on his pants. “Yeah?”

“Oh yes. Look- here.” Virgil got up to his feet and offered Logan a hand. When Logan grasped it, butterflies exploded in his stomach and those butterflies flew all the faster when Logan didn’t drop his hand after.

Virgil swallowed and used the connection to pull Logan toward the two quarter ramps facing one another. There on the side in big red and gold bubble letters were the words “Fuck JK Rowling.”

“I wasn’t very imaginative,” Virgil admitted. “I was just kind of… mad and I figured this would make me feel better.”

“Did it?”

“A little.” He paused. “Not really.”

Logan’s shoulders had turned in on itself. It was the very first time Virgil had seen Logan without perfect posture and it didn’t sit right with him.

“Did ripping it apart in your notebook help you?”

“No.” Logan looked at the floor. “Why were you mad at JK?”

“Because she doesn’t support Trans people?”

“Do you?” Logan's voice was small and suddenly Virgil understood exactly why he had been acting off.

“Yes. Virgil looked at his friend until Logan met his eyes. “Yes. I do.”

Logan bit his bottom lip. “So if I told you that I was trans…”

“I’d thank you for trusting me and promise not to tell anyone without your permission. And then nothing would change.”

The responding smile was brighter than anything Logan had ever given him in the past.

There were lighter conversations as well. Somehow, Logan dragged it out of Virgil that he liked spiders and stuffed animals, and the next week, Logan had sheepishly given him a stuffed spider “in payment for the lessons.” Virgil had told him it was unnecessary, but Logan said if he liked it it was his and that was that.

“I mean, Marvel movies are better, obviously-”

“Obviously,” Logan agreed.

“But DC comics are pretty good.”

“As long as you don’t count Superman, I’ll agree with you.”

Virgil gave his friend an amused look. “What’s wrong with Superman?”

“He’s-” Logan grimaced. “Everything about him is just so… flames. On the side of my face. See-Seething fire.”

“You’re going to have to elaborate.”

“He has no flaws. He can fly faster than a bullet, he has superhuman strength, x-ray vision, lasers come out of his eyes, he can heal very quickly, he has superhuman breath, superhuman stamina, he’s invulnerable and he has superhuman vision! And these are merely the ones I can recall off the top of my head!” Logan's hands flapped around him and each word was aggressively punctuated.

A coy smile appeared on Virgil’s face. He loved watching Logan get passionate about something. It was fairly easy to set him off and once you did, it was a bit like watching an interesting nature documentary.

“If he had moral struggles he might be somewhat compelling, but he doesn’t even have that. It’s all truth, justice, and the American way.” His tone had adopted a somewhat mocking edge to it, especially as he said “the American way.” “He’s a horrible character.”

“What about Kryptonite?”

Virgil admittedly had only said that to see Logan’s head explode and explode it did.

“Kryptonite is the most bullshit thing in the entirety of literature and I’m including sparkling vampires.”

Virgil burst out laughing. For a moment, Logan simply blinked at him, face going a very warm brown before a large smile broke out over his face and he joined in.

__

“I did it!”

Virgil had been taking a drink from the sprite they had grabbed earlier and it took a moment for him to realize exactly what Logan was talking about. He smiled.

“An ollie?”

“Yes!” Logan’s excitement was contagious enough that Virgil felt his heart rate pick up- although that might’ve been because of the adorable grin on the boy's face. “Hold on.”

He went to do it again and ended up tripping over himself. The grin faded into a pout. “I had gotten this,” Logan muttered. “Hold on.”

He placed his back foot in the middle of the tail and his front foot in the middle of the deck, slightly closer to the top bolts. In the same movement, Logan snapped the tail on the ground so the board was going up at an incline and jumped. Virgil watched with no small amount of pride as Logan rolled his foot up to the nose of the board, forcing it back to the ground, and landed perfectly so each foot covered the bolts.

“There!” That adorable smile re-lit up his face and it grew all the more when Logan saw Virgil nodding. “I got it!”

“Well done!” Virgil beamed back at him. “Having taught you, I take 50% of the credit.”

Logan nodded (which had not been the reaction Virgil had expected) and jumped off of the board. Before Virgil could really react, black arms looped around Virgil’s head, and Logan crushed Virgil into the tightest hug Virgil had ever experienced.

Virgil froze. Slowly, he reached his arms around and reciprocated it, even if all he could think about was how close Logan was at the moment, how he could feel his breath on his neck, the bones of his back, and the plastic of his binder.

He wondered if he wasn’t hugging Logan close enough. Or maybe too close. Or maybe-

It’s a hug. Calm down.

But what if he was hugging wrong?

Then Logan pulled back, and it was far too soon and all Virgil wanted to do was pull him back into his arms, and god he looked adorable smiling at him, still elated from being able to get that trick down and-

“Can I kiss you?”

Virgil hadn’t even realized the words had come out of his mouth until Logan’s smile fell slightly.

Fuck, fuck fuck-

The smile came back full force.

“Yes,” Logan said simply.

Virgil leaned forward and their lips met and it was like fireworks had burst between them. Every part of Virgil’s body tingled and he wasn’t thinking about whether he was doing it wrong but the feel of Logan’s mouth against his and how silky Logan’s hair was to the touch.

They broke apart and Virgil just stared at him, stared at this beautiful, beautiful boy, and was suddenly really glad for the moment months ago when he had failed to land an early grab finger flip and sent the board rolling into the boy on the bench.

[letterboxd]

How I Letterboxd #13: Erika Amaral.

Film sociologist Erika Amaral on the blossoming of Brazil’s women filmmakers, the joys of queuing for the movies, the on-fire Brazilian Letterboxd community, and the sentimental attachment of her entire nation to A Dog’s Will.

“It is hard to produce art without institutional support and it is very complicated to produce art during this tragic pandemic.” —Erika Amaral

In the wide world outside of English-language Letterboxd, Brazil occupies a particularly fervent corner. Sāo Paulo-based feminist film theorist Erika Amaral has connected with many other local film lovers through her Letterboxd profile, and for anyone with an interest in Cinema Brasileiro, her lists are an excelente place to start.

From her personal introduction to Brazilian film history, to her own attempts to fill gaps in her Latin American cinematic knowledge, Erika’s well-curated selections are a handy primer on the cinema of the fifth-largest country in the world, and its neighbors. These lists sit alongside her finely judged academic deep-dives into filmmakers such as Luis Buñuel, Glauber Rocha and Sarah Bernhardt.

Endlessly fascinated by how “the history of cinema is all intertwined”, Erika has also written on Jia Zhangke for Rosebud Club, is an Ana Carolina stan, enjoys collecting films directed by women featuring mirrors and women, and, like all of us, watched many remarkable movies during quarantine.

Suzana Amaral (left, rear) with cast and crew on the set of her film ‘A Hora da Estrela’ (Hour of the Star, 1985).

Olá, Erika. Please give our readers a brief introduction to your brilliant Introduction to Brazilian Film History list. I’m so happy to see this list getting popular! I’m a sociologist interested in film and gender studies. It’s been four years since I started studying Brazilian film history but my passion for film is much older. I tried to combine those two aspects in this list; films that are meaningful to me, historically relevant films, and historically relevant films erased from film-history books, for instance, those directed by women. The main purpose of my list is to highlight Brazilian women filmmakers’ fundamental contributions to Brazilian cinema.

I listed some absolute classics such as Hour of the Star by the late director Suzana Amaral, and other obscure gems such as The Interview, by Helena Solberg, which is a short feature released in 1966 alongside the development of Cinema Novo. Solberg’s work was hidden for decades. No-one knew about it. In Brazil, especially in the field of film studies and feminist theories, we are experiencing the blossoming of public debates, books being released, and film festivals that look specifically into films such as Solbergs’s and [those of] many other women directors, including Adélia Sampaio, the first Black female director to release a feature film in Brazil in 1984, Amor Maldito. We need these debates on Letterboxd as well, so I wrote this list in English.

As a representative of the passionate Brazilian community on Letterboxd, can you provide some insight into the site’s popularity where you live, especially for those of us who have not learned Brazilian Portuguese? I feel at home using Letterboxd. Everywhere I see Brazilian members posting reviews in both Portuguese and English. It’s a passionate community. It’s directly related to Twitter where Brazilian cinephiles are so active and productive, always sharing film memes (and even Letterboxd memes). Many content creators are using both Letterboxd and Twitter to showcase their podcasts, classes and film clubs. I once started a talk at a university for film students mentioning that my Masters research project came into life when I watched Amélia, showing my mind-blown Letterboxd review in the presentation. I follow many of those students now and it is so good to be connected. Brazilian Film Twitter and [the] Brazilian Letterboxd community are on fire!

Alexandre Rodrigues as Buscapé in ‘City of God’ (2002), directed by Fernando Meirelles and Kátia Lund.

When uninitiated cinephiles think about Brazilian cinema, City of God is most likely top of the list. It’s the only Brazilian film to be nominated for Best Director at the Academy Awards (despite co-director Kátia Lund being shut out!) and it’s the only Brazilian film in IMDb’s Top 250. After nearly 20 years, is it fair for City of God to represent Brazil? Of course, it is fair for City of God to represent Brazil! The only problem is if we think all Brazilian cinema is exclusively City of God. The film is entertaining, well-directed, has a great cast, but it has some flaws—for example, the aestheticization of violence and misery in Brazil, which scholar Ivana Bentes calls the “cosmetics of hunger”. Even so, it is a great film and it captivated Brazilian and international audiences. We shouldn’t limit any country to only one or two films.

If you enjoy City of God, check my list for Brazilian films directed by women in this period, which we call “Cinema da Retomada”—the renaissance of Brazilian cinema after the economic problems [that] hampered the film industry in the 1990s.

Selton Mello and Matheus Nachtergaele in beloved Brazilian comedy ‘O Auto da Compadecida’ (A Dog’s Will, 2000).

Several Brazilian films have stunningly high ratings on Letterboxd, giving them a place on many of our official lists. This includes A Dog’s Will, which is in the top ten of our all-time Top 250. On Letterboxd, A Dog’s Will reviews are cleanly divided into two camps: Brazilians (who absolutely love it) and everyone else (who fail to understand its popularity). What drives this home-team spirit? People truly love A Dog’s Will! It’s funny, has a fantastic rhythm, and it references many aspects of Brazilian culture, especially regarding north-eastern Brazilian culture. It was shown both as a film and as a miniseries infinite times on the largest and most popular television channel in Brazil. I can’t help mentioning that A Dog’s Will portrays Jesus Christ as a black man and Fernanda Montenegro as Brazil’s patron saint, Nossa Senhora Aparecida. It’s a brilliant moment for Matheus Nachtergaele, one of the greatest Brazilian actors ever.

Can you offer us a ‘Gringo’s Guide to A Dog’s Will’? I love the idea of a ‘Gringo’s Guide to A Dog’s Will’! You need to have good subtitles. The beauty of A Dog’s Will is that it is regional but it was made to be understandable to all of Brazil. You are going to need subtitles that [cover] the expressions, slang and proverbs—not mere translations. I would recommend watching some other films from north-eastern Brazil; Land of São Saruê, Love for Sale and Ó Paí Ó: Look at This. This can help you understand other social and cultural dimensions of Brazil beyond, for instance, City of God. A Dog’s Will is a movie that we would watch on a lazy Sunday afternoon with the family, so we have a strong sentimental attachment to it.

Leonardo Villar bears the weight of a cross in ‘The Given Word’ (1964).

Religion plays an important role in Brazilian cinema—for example, one of the few Brazilian films to win the Palme d’Or is the masterful The Given Word. Is this connection a part of what makes Brazilian cinema so potent for the local community? Religious symbolism and religious beliefs are extremely significant in Brazilian cinema. Its presence in cinema seems to address our daily challenges, rituals, history, but not always apologetically—as you can see in the despair of Zé do Burro in The Given Word. Religion does not seem to help him. There’s nowhere to run. The spiritual belief, as well as the cross itself, is a weight on his shoulders.

So you see, religion in Brazilian cinema is so potent because we can think beyond it, we can understand how people relate to their beliefs and how sometimes religion can fail a person. That’s what happens when a priest falls in love with a local girl (The Priest and the Girl), when a curse falls upon a man who turns against his people (The Turning Wind), when we teach fear and sin to young girls (Heart and Guts), when religion becomes a determining way of life that does not pay back efforts (Divine Love), when we accept the possibility of going against religious institutions (José Mojica Marin’s, AKA Coffin Joe, films).

We have all these movies fascinated by religion and how it creates meaning in our society. This is just from Christianity, because if we think of African and Indigenous heritage, we have another whole dimension of films to reflect upon, such as Noirblue and the documentary Ex-Pajé.

We have some Brazilian films in our Official Top 100 by Women Directors list, including The Second Mother, which sits in the top five with City of God. Who are some overlooked female Brazilian filmmakers that you want to celebrate and put on our map? Undoubtedly Juliana Rojas and Gabriela Amaral Almeida. They’re both on the horror scene and their work is astonishing. I strongly recommend Hard Labor and Rojas’ latest film Good Manners (if you are into werewolves). I can’t even pick one for Almeida—The Father’s Shadow and Friendly Beast are awesome. Beatriz Seigner’s The Silences—filmed in the frontier between Brazil, Colombia, and Peru—is really impactful. Glenda Nicácio’s films, co-directed with Ary Rosa, are among my favorite recent Brazilian films. Watch To the End immediately!

Eduardo Coutinho’s ‘Twenty Years Later’ (1984).

Brazilian documentarian Eduardo Coutinho has not one, not two, but three of his films in the Official Top 100 Documentaries list, including the all-time number one Twenty Years Later. Can you describe Coutinho’s significance in Brazil? Coutinho is a monument! Coutinho is an institution! Coutinho is everything. His works are of strong political importance, as you can see in Twenty Years Later. A movie he was making in 1964 was interrupted by the dictatorship installed in Brazil, and the main actor and activist, João Pedro Teixeira, was murdered, then his wife Elizabeth Teixeira had to flee and change her identity.

The documentary follows Coutinho and his crew looking for the actors from his movie from twenty years before. Later, his works developed many different tones and formats as you can see in Playing, an experimental portrayal of real women and their personal experiences side-by-side with actresses representing their real-life events as if in a play. Playing was one of the mandatory films to be analyzed for [my] Film School entrance exam, so I had to watch it a million times in 2017. His works are profound studies on Brazilian people and culture—piercing, but also delicate.

Contemporary documentaries are also doing well; Petra Costa’s latest, The Edge of Democracy, was nominated for an Oscar, and Emicida: AmarElo – It’s All for Yesterday was briefly Letterboxd’s highest-rated film late last year. How are these docs tapping into the zeitgeist? Those are both very different films. Emicida is part of a strong and structured movement against racism, against the marginalization of Black people, against limiting the access to art and culture to certain social groups, which is a common practice in the history of this country. Petra Costa’s documentary is another form of reflection on contemporary politics but in a melancholic tone since, recently in Brazil, we have been facing political storms such as the impeachment of ex-president Dilma Roussef, the imprisonment of ex-president Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva (who has recently been declared not guilty), and rising far-right politicians. Not to mention another of our losses, the still-unsolved killing of Marielle Franco, a Black and lesbian political representative. These films have helped us face these difficulties and try to gather some hope for the future.

Bárbara Colen (center) and villagers in ‘Bacurau’ (2019).

How has Brazil’s cinema industry been affected by the one-two punch of the pandemic on top of ongoing social and political issues? And, can you talk a bit about how the acclaimed Cannes-winner Bacurau shocked the nation two years ago, and in what ways the film confronted these problems? This question is challenging because there’s so much happening. At this moment, we have 428,000 deaths [from] Covid and we are still mourning the Jacarézinho favela massacre in Rio de Janeiro. We have very troubled political representatives that are not fighting Covid in an adequate way to say the least, and we have had major cut downs in the cultural sector since, in Brazil, a lot of artistic and cultural projects are developed with governmental incentives. It is hard to produce art without institutional support and it is very complicated to produce art during this tragic pandemic.

Right before this chaos, we had Bacurau. Actually, I have a pleasant anecdote about my experience with Bacurau. Everybody was talking about how it was going to premiere at a special event with the presence of its directors. We had some expectations regarding the premiere because it was going to be free of charge and it would take place at the heart of São Paulo, the Avenida Paulista, in an immense theater.

We arrived at 1pm to form a line and people were there already. I discovered through Twitter that the first boy in line was hungry so I gave him a banana. I had brought a lot of snacks. The line was part of the event, and it got so long you couldn’t believe it. It was great to see so many friends and people gathered to see a movie—and such an important movie! There weren’t enough seats for everyone but they exhibited the film in two different rooms so more people could enjoy it.

I love everything about that day and I think it helps me to have some perspective on cinema, culture, politics and what we can accomplish by working collectively—people uniting to fight dirty politicians, people joining forces to fight social menaces, generosity, empathy, fight for justice and the power of the masses.

The life of 17th-century nun Sor Juana Inés de la Cruz is explored in María Luisa Bemberg’s ‘Yo, la Peor de Todas’ (I, the Worst of All, 1990).

Would you like to highlight some films from your neighboring countries? I have been watching some fascinating films from South America. Bolivian filmmaker Jorge Sanjinés has an extensive filmography and his films were the first to portray characters speaking Aymara. I really like his Ukamau. I also love Argentine director María Luisa Bemberg’s films, such as I, the Worst of All. I’m currently studying Jayro Bustamante’s La Llorona, from Guatemala. I have no words to say how incendiary this film is. You’ll have to watch it for yourself!

Who are three Brazilian members that you recommend we all follow? Firstly, I recommend you follow my beautiful partner in crime and cinema, Pedro Britto. Secondly, a fantastic painter and avid researcher of Maya Deren and Agnès Varda, my adored friend Tainah Negreiros. Finally, I recommend you follow Gustavo Menezes, who is the author of many excellent lists [about] Brazilian cinema. He’s also the co-founder of a streaming platform called Cinelimite, which everyone should take a look at.

Related content

Silvia’s Cinema Novo list

Gabriela’s Cinema Brasileiro master list

Serge’s list of films that have won the Grande Otelo (Grande Prêmio de Cinema Brasileiro for Best Film)

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