#depression!!!!

[boxboxlewis]

Daniel's phone buzzes with an incoming call from George 🇬🇧🇬🇧. Daniel declines it.

George calls again.

George calls again.

On the eighth call, Daniel picks up, so that he can say "Ok what the fuck please stop." George invites himself round to Daniel's apartment.

"Look, I don't really—" Daniel begins.

"I'll pick some food up on the way," George says, "text me if you think of anything particular you fancy. And we can watch a film."

"I don't—"

"I'm working my way through Sight and Sound's list of the top 100 movies. I'm on 35. Well, joint 35. It's Psycho, which you've probably seen before but I haven't. I know about the twist, though... Bruce Willis is dead the whole time." George laughs at his own joke.

"George—"

"Eight o'clock, ok? Don't worry, it'll be great."

George hangs up.

Daniel makes an effort to tidy the place up a bit. He has a housekeeper in every week so it's not a total cesspit, but he moves all the dirty clothes from the floor into the laundry hamper, and puts the protein bar wrappers in the bin. He takes a shower and brushes his teeth, too, for the first time in... several days. Opens the doors to the balcony to let some fresh air in.

He puts on clean clothes and deodorant and curl cream, which makes him think of something his sister told him about, ages ago. He texts her, hey what's that thing called where people dress up as characters or whatever? She replies right away. Oh NOW your phone works, cunt? And then, Glad you're alive at least love you here if you want to talk x, and then, Cosplaying.

Right. Daniel is cosplaying as a human being. He chats a bit more with Michelle, then really goes for it and texts his mum to say he's fine, really, she doesn't have to worry.

Enough productivity for one day. He sprawls out on the sofa and puts on an old UFC bout and turns his brain off completely.

By the time George texts to say he's arrived, Daniel is half-asleep, and the reminder that there's going to be another person in his flat, a person he'll have to talk to and pretend to be fine in front of, is a real jolt. He doesn't have time to get too worked up, though, before George is there in Daniel's apartment, holding a bag of takeaway food and looking tanned and golden and rich and happy: the way Daniel used to feel. The way Daniel thought he was, on some important, cellular level, and always would be.

Daniel says, "Hey," and can feel himself start to tear up.

"Blimey," George says, "all right, it's all right—" He drops the food onto an entry table and steps forward and wraps Daniel in a hug, arms warm and secure and solid enough that Daniel feels like maybe he can let go a little bit without falling entirely apart. It's such a relief that he starts bawling: can't help it, can't stop himself, just sobs noisily and without dignity into George's neck while George pats his back and tells him it's going to be ok.

Once his sobs have settled down into the occasional hiccuping gasp he pulls back and says, "Uh, I'm—jesus, I didn't—I don't know what that was—"

George clasps his shoulder and shakes it a bit, in an affectionate but worryingly Christian-Hornerish sort of way. "Listen, mate, you're fine," he says earnestly, "I get that reaction all the time. People see this"—he gestures to himself—"and they're overwhelmed. And you know, I get it."

It's a dumb joke. Daniel laughs anyway, sniffily. "Yeah," he says. "Thanks, George. Uh, you want to come in?"

George smiles at him. "Yeah, mate, I really do." He picks up the bag of food. "Lead the way."

[icarianiscariot]

awake past midnight? u know what time it is <3

[idsb]

Started 2023 on the highest high I’ve felt in years and it crashed and burned so fast, I could just taste finally feeling good again and getting my shit together and being happy and now all I want to do is sleep lol

[leroleroart]

Depression comic

[closingremarks]

[chrismcshell]

northern hemisphere babes we made it to the longest night of the year. we made it. for the next 6 months, every day will give us a little more daylight than the last. let's go. take my hand. climb out of the darkness with me

[calamitys-child]

What's everyone's favourite flowers that aren't like. The normal ones. Like everyone's a fan of roses and sunflowers what's a more niche one. One you don't get in gift sets. Mine's sweet peas

[vibratome]

[knightofleo]

A former stray very happy to be inside

[lexapro-princess]

[ionomycin]

temple at the end of the road

[madpunks]

we are so ableist about memory. people with good memory take for granted the fact that they can recall as much as they can, and use that to taunt, guilt and threaten people with memory issues. many neurotypes and mental illnesses cause memory lapses. traumatic brain injuries can cause memory lapses. brain cancer can cause memory lapses.

even if your memory is good, it's not right to guilt someone because they can't remember something. trust me, people with memory problems are desperately trying to remember: it's just that we literally can't. it is a very literal "i can't remember".

[stil-lindigo]

lead balloon (the tumblr post that saved me)

if this comic resonated with you, it would mean the world to me if you donated to this palestinian family's escape fund.

--

no creative notes because this isn't that kind of comic.

I know I don’t owe any of you anything but I still felt compelled to write about my long term absence. And I feel far enough away from the dangerous spot I was in to be able to make this comic. I have a therapist now, and she agreed that making this could be a very cathartic gesture, and the start of properly leaving these thoughts behind me. I am still, at seemingly random times, blindsided by fleeting desires to kill myself. They’re always passing urges, but it’s disarming, and uncomfortable. I worry sometimes that my brain’s spent so long thinking only about suicide that it’s forgotten how to think about anything else. Like, now that I've opened that door for myself, I'll never be able to fully shut it again. But I’m trying my best to encourage my mind in other directions. We'll see how that goes.

I am still donating all proceeds from my store to Palestinian causes. So far, I've donated over $15K, not including donations coming from my own pocket or the fundraising streams which jointly raised around $10K. In the time since I made my initial post about where this money would be going, the focus has shifted from aid organisations to directly donating to escape funds.

If you'd like to do the same, you can look at Operation Olive Branch, which hosts hundreds of Palestinian escape funds or donate to Safebow, which has helped facilitate the safe crossing and securing of important medical procedures for over 150 at-risk palestinians since the beginning of the genocide.

[happyherringbonkpickle]

[zenathered]

I just found out the most hilariously amazing thing.

[marielle-heller]

it really is crazyyyyy how much January they managed to fit into this January