#difficulty eating

[savebatsartedition]

Whumptober 2024 Day 26:

Summary:

Davy feels guilty for not getting them a gig. Prompt: NIGHTMARES | Breakfast Table | “I'm haunted by the lies that I have loved, the actions I have hated.”

Notes:

Yeah. I not-so-suddenly had an interesting Davy headcannon for how he gets the Monkees some of their gigs. (Tbh, this doesn’t feel all that out of the realm of cannon for this show, and I dunno how to feel about that lol.) This is about the TV characters only, which is probably pretty obvious from the plot and context but still, thought I should mention that. XD Content Warnings: All but directly stated (except for here, where it is) sexual and romantic contact in exchange for favors/jobs (and hesitancy about it), struggling to make ends meet when it comes to food and jobs, difficulties with eating, misplaced guilt, lies, almost crying Words: 2,844

(Fic also under the cut.)

This whole thing was an absolute nightmare.

Davy was sitting at their pathetic excuse of a breakfast table, but he couldn’t bring himself to eat. (Not that he and the guys had much food anyway.) He hadn’t been able to woo the last girl into hiring them despite having gone much further than he should have been comfortable with for nothing in return, and he felt guilty for using food that was bought with money that he wasn’t even able to secure him and the guys more of. (The inside of her mouth hadn’t really been all that nutritious either.)

Worse, as he realized with a small start, this wasn’t even the first time he’d felt this way.

Ever since he had gotten to America (and, critically, ever since he'd been cut off from his rich family and their funds), he'd been struggling. Thankfully, Davy had always been good at making connections, especially with girls, and especially since the popularity of the Beatles had thrown the popularity of long-haired British boys like him up into the stratosphere. At first, he hadn’t really liked to use it to his advantage, but by the time he had realized that he had no money for rent, a pair of broken maracas as his sorry excuse for background music, and whatever was left in his suitcase after he’d left it out on the street for an hour too long, he’d had to throw his worries out the window.

At first, it had been pretty fun, groovy even. (Oh dear, if only the him he’d been back then had known how such thoughts would circle back around.)  But, as he had realized as the days had begun to drag on and on, for some reason, no matter how many girls let him sleep the night, none of them had ever seemed to want him to really live with them. Maybe these California girls were a bit more aware of the struggles of a musician than they would have been if they had lived elsewhere, maybe they were discouraged from something serious by their rich fathers (they always seemed to see the desperation in his eyes), maybe the girls themselves could tell he was trouble. …or maybe they had just wanted to use what was offered before throwing it away again.

It really hadn’t been that big of a deal. He had hardly run into the same girl more than twice, to be honest, he hadn’t known anyone at all. Not even a little, really.

Unless you counted his numerous ”dates“ as something more than a physical connection, that way, he might have known them. Maybe even very well. (He could almost hear his grandfather now, scolding Davy with a growl on his face, for following those horrible hippy kids.) If you did that, Davy would have been assumed to be absolutely rolling in funds from gifts for the sheer amount of friendships he had. 

The problem with that reading, as he had already known, being that those girls weren't exactly friends. Hell. Most of them were hardly acquaintances, and he had still agreed to woo them.

Because what other choice had he had?

Clearly, even with his uncanny ability to connect with girls (and, interestingly, the occasional guy), he'd been really struggling to make it. Really really struggling, if his actions hadn’t given all of the desperation away already. At least, he’d been struggling until he’d met them. Until he’d managed to wander his way into a practice session on the beach, and until he’d managed to weasel in way in with one of them.

From that moment on, he’d started to process what he had been missing.

He’d had lots of “dates” in his year or so in the “colony” (as his grandfather would have liked to call it), but only now, after finally managing to make three real friends, he was finally realizing how much he had missed connections. Real connections. Connections that were more than making eyes at parties and on beachfronts, connections that were more than sneaking into the movies with someone he didn’t know the last name of (but still spending the entire run of the film snogging), connections that were more than half meant promises and never seeing each other again. It was only now, that he was truly among a group of people who understood him, that it set in how seriously he had been struggling.

And, yeah, for a little while, it had been okay. The four of them, him, Peter, Mike, and Micky, had done pretty good off of their few party gigs, and besides the odd jobs they worked to make ends meet had been almost fun. (After all, Davy didn’t really mind taking care of horses, he’d quite liked his own, back in England, back when he could afford the expenses and the land.) For a while, they had met the rent payments, managed their other expenses fairly well, and even splurged a bit on new instruments from time to time. All in all, they had felt pretty well off. Hell, they’d lived in a multistory apartment near the sea, how much better could it get for a struggling band? 

Though, admittedly, it had been a far cry from the life that he had known back with his wealthy family back in Manchester, he had been happy. He was happy he had a safe place to stay that wasn’t some-girl’s bed while her parents were still asleep. Happy he had food to eat that wasn’t movie theater popcorn or roller rink pizza or part of an especially kind girl’s breakfast that she managed to smuggle up the stairs after it was all over. Happy that he had friends, and happy that they could play music together.

But, as all things did, things had started to go a little bit wrong.

None of them wanted quite to blame each other, but it had become increasingly obvious that things were slipping. Though Davy was pretty sure each man blamed themselves, Davy couldn’t help but see himself as the problem the most. After all, he had joined the band the most recently, and what did he have to offer to their sound? Four maracas? A tambourine? A singing voice that worked just as well as anybody else’s?

He knew he shouldn’t think it (he should focus on fixing it), but he did. This was his fault, he just knew it.

At first, not thinking about how he’d been living before all of this had begun (he still hadn’t quite told the guys exactly how he’d made it by before he’d met them), he’d tried just ramping up the other stuff. Offering to take care of horses for lower wages than the competitors, working shifts for newspaper boys who needed a break, putting even more into his playing in the few gigs that the struggling band could manage to get…

And that’s when he realized what the band needed.

Of course, it wasn’t exactly a shock of a realization or anything like that. In fact, it should have been pretty obvious from the start. They were musicians, they felt their best when they played (even if the groups on the street liked to spit and laugh as they practiced), and they got their money best when they could use their tunes to woo an audience. They needed gigs, and what better way to get gigs than wooing people into your sound and figure?

So, as Davy had reasoned with himself when he’d taken that first deep breath and begun it all over again, in a way, playing wasn’t so much different from dating. It made sense. To do well with the ladies, one had to be charismatic. To be a musician, at least one in a little rock group like his, one had to be even more so. In a way, a gig was no different than a date. You were selling yourself as the best person you could be, paying attention to the mood of the room, and following along with something that would make it better, more intimate, more likely to get you what you wanted, and, more importantly, more likely to get your chosen onlookers what they wanted.

Or so he told himself.

Of course, it wasn’t that Davy didn’t like going on dates. He did. Honestly, who didn’t? It was a good way to get on with the girls, and one of the best ways to look around the town, not to mention a good excuse to indulge in such treats as ice cream or movie theaters. (Without dates, it was unlikely Davy or the others would have the time or money to do either without feeling bad about it afterwards.)

Even back in England, where his family had had much more control over how he lived his life (how he cut his hair, who he spent his time with, what kinds of music lessons he would take), Davy had enjoyed a little jaunt with a pretty birdie from time to time. Who could blame him? He liked the girls, and he liked the company, and life would have been much less bearable without the connection that such things allowed him to make.

To make it through it, he told himself that this was for fun, that the fact that the rich girls he pursued just picked his band for their parties out of pure coincidence. That they listened with such glee because they liked the Monkee sound, and not because they liked him, and watching him sweat and gasp as he sang. 

Lord knew they liked that side of him when he wasn’t singing.

(Maybe it would have been more accurate if he told himself that such things were not exactly what he was after.)

Yeah, things got a little bit too transactional from time to time. (All the time.) Or maybe it didn’t. Davy swore he couldn’t tell the difference (he could), and if none of the other guys bugged him about it, so he wasn’t going to bring it up. They had been thankful for more gigs to play, and he had been right alongside his fellow Monkees in that sentiment. I mean, who doesn't like a little jam session from time to time? Especially if it put food on the table and kept the lights on when you needed to practice.

Until, as it always seemed to, things had gotten worse. Again. Lately, the gigs hadn't been coming. (And when gigs gained by taking girls out on the town didn’t pan out, it was an overall loss of money.)

Davy tried not to blame himself, he really did. He tried not to feel guilty for the thing that he knew was n̶o̶t̶ his fault, but it was a bit hard. After all, there was no way he wasn’t doing something wrong. When had the girls decided that an awkward night’s stay (and even worse family breakfast after the fact), was enough for all his troubles to court them? Sometimes, they wouldn’t even listen to him when he tried to bring up his band and their situation, they’d just reach over, kiss the words out of his throat, and watch as he floated away into something that wasn’t him. (Or at least, shouldn’t have been him.)

And damn if he had to admit it, but he was hungry. There were only so many nights you could go only tasting the flavor of some girl’s mouth on your tongue.

(And there was no way he was eating a piece of the band’s meager rations, not since his most recent attempt had ended in nothing more than her mouth on his, and hands reaching places that Davy tried to pretend that he had been completely alright with.)

“Hey Davy,” Peter was suddenly saying, “you look a little worried. Your plate is full.”

Davy looked up, pulled out of his trance as the images of his fellow bandmates swam into focus. Peter was midway through chewing a slice of buttered bread, Micky was taping his knife and fork on his (already cleared) plate as if they were already practicing, and Mike was choking down a cup of coffee like it was the only thing that was going to get him through the day. All of them were staring at him.

Davy brought his knees together, feeling suddenly very small.

What could he tell them?

Certainly not the truth.

“I’m fine,” he lied, aware that his fellow musicians were far too in tune with him to miss the imperfections in his perfect tone, “Just thinking about a date I want to go on,”

“You’re always thinking about those girls, aren’t you,” Micky said, almost casually. (Davy wished it was less obvious to him when his friends meant more with their words than they let on.)

“Oh you know me,” Davy joked, “Always falling in love at first sight, I’m still thinking about her…” he trailed off, putting on an expression of love that he knew was not the least bit convincing.

Mike raised one eyebrow, but he didn’t say anything (yet), simply finished off his coffee and placed the cup with a clink back onto the table. Davy looked back at him, trying to seem genuine in his puppy love for a girl that he did not know the name of (but curiously knew the way into the bedroom of). He didn’t want to talk about this, not now.

Davy looked down at his plate. There wasn’t a bite taken out of a single piece of food. His stomach rumbled and he tried to ignore it. He hadn’t done well enough. He didn’t deserve all this stuff, let someone else have it.

“I’m not really hungry,” he said, though it wasn’t true, “I think I’ll wait until tonight’s date to get myself something,” he moved to stand, but stopped when Mike reached out and grabbed his arm. 

“And I think you should take a break from all those dates, shotgun,” the guitarist said, narrowing his eyes, “I think you’re tiring yourself out,”

“Me!?” Davy protested, even though he’d missed nearly all of his nights for the past two weeks, “You must be joking! When have I seemed tired in any of our gigs recently?!”

Peter looked slightly confused. “We haven’t had any gigs recently, Davy,”

“Exactly,” Davy said, giving Peter finger guns across the table, “And I really think this girl could be interested in paying us for one if I take her out one more time. She’s got really good taste, intelligent and all that,”

Micky laid his silverware back down on the table, giving Davy a look that told the shorter man that he knew exactly what was up. (Though he laughed good naturedly anyway.) “I think you’re spending too much time with all those girls, Davy,” he said, “You should take a break, even think that maybe one of us wants a chance out of the town one of these nights?”

Davy didn’t really have anything to say to that, so he just shrugged. He felt bad shrugging, but he felt worse dragging any of them into this. This was his burden to bear, to be the one man force behind the advertising in the town, to be the one the girls thought of first when they thought of an attractive band to pull up on the stage for their birthday bash. It should have been no one else’s job, he couldn’t let it be.

“Yes,” Mike decided, waving Davy back to his seat, “We need our tamborine player to be well rested for our next big job, and-” he reached over to push Davy’s plate closer to him, “-we need him to eat up,”

Davy looked down at his plate. His stomach hurt almost as badly as his throat did. (Was he really going to cry? Now?) He wanted to eat so badly, but he told himself he couldn’t. He just couldn’t. It was all his fault that there was only so much to spare for breakfast, the others should have had his portion already. The others should have already pushed him away, blamed him already, sent him back out on the street so he could do the very thing he did now, without all the music attached.

“Come on Davy,” Micky was saying, “I need my percussion section, right?”

Davy felt the corners of his eyes sting slightly, and he hunched over his plate to hide the tears. This was all his fault, why couldn’t they see that? He deserved what he got, and if that was just the inside of some jane’s mouth, that was all he should have.

Still, he made himself eat.

Maybe they wouldn’t notice him slipping away later if he did this for them now. Maybe they wouldn’t notice this time, and he was sure of it, this time he’d even get them a job. He believed it. He had to believe it, because if he didn’t, it would have been all for nothing.

And he couldn’t have that.

[eldritchbean-shapeshifter]

Ugh I have a therapy appointment tomorrow and I'm so nervous T﹏T

I recently came to the realization that I wanna get top surgery (for both my gender and nonhuman identities) but I don't know how to talk about it.

I haven't told my parents about this yet. I'm really nervous when it comes to talking to them about stuff. They have been really great and accepting of my gender and nonhuman identities, but it's really awkward to talk about it with them. They are trying their best but they have a tendency to accidentally make me feel uncomfortable or ignored.

My parents love me a lot but we have verrry different opinions on things and they grew up in..... difficult times...... and it tends to show. They are trying so hard but they can't understand my situation and don't know what to do or say. despite their best efforts I feel like I can't really talk to them about anything.

The only person I've told is my oldest sibling. They were super great and supportive (and it helps that they are the one that gets this the most. They have their top surgery scheduled this Fall, and I'm really excited for them!!!) They were actually the one who helped me discover this, and they helped me process things when I first accepted that this is what I want.

The problem here is that a lot of places require a letter from a therapist/doctor, and I don't know what to do. I haven't even told my therapist about my nonhumanity yet. I really wanna be able to talk about it, but I'm scared. I really like my therapist and I don't wanna risk ruining things. I have only mentioned having body dysphoria to her once and that was really scary.

Do I try and talk about it tomorrow....??? Or should I continue to focus on the more immediate problems?

I've been having a lot of trouble eating lately. My autism has been causing a lot of problems in that most food sounds gross and inedible to me right now. That's what my therapist, my mom, and I have been talking about lately. Plus I've also had a really hard time getting myself to bed. The other night my dad found me still up and awake past 3 am. I am usually up past 1 or 2, and it's been taking a lot out of me.

I don't know what to do. I want to be open about my nonhumanity, and I really wanna be able to get the affirming care. But I'm really scared to admit it to others.

[sharkwhale]

Yes!!!

And furthermore, Dysphagia is often just a symptom or sign—the first one, even—of other conditions of the throat/esophagus.

It can also have a very slow progression (like months or years slow) that can seem to feel the same for a while before suddenly getting just a bit worse… again… and again… and again… over and over. So if you’re like me from a few years ago, and feel at this time like you’re “managing it” whenever your food sticks by, say:

Drinking water

Tilting your head back

Stretching

Getting up to walk around

…well, you might be managing it right now, but…

…managing is not the same as treatment, and untreated problems tend to get worse.

Since this problem is happening to a VERY IMPORTANT part of your body, it’s a very important problem to address. So PLEASE talk to your doctor about treating it.

Take it from someone who just got diagnosed with Achalasia this week, after years of dealing with swallowing problems which kept gradually worsening despite every attempted “management strategy”, diet change, and acid reflux treatment—you DON’T want to be like me and keep waiting around to get better treatment for an essential part of your body. It took me until the point of becoming underweight and stuck eating a miserably restrictive puréed-food diet to recognize how much I needed better treatment. It SUCKS to be at this point, so PLEASE take care of yourself so you don’t potentially end up in an equally sucky situation.

TLDR: If you can’t swallow food or drink normally, TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT TREATING THAT. Swallowing is an important function of your body, essential to your health and survival—if you aren’t able to eat/drink properly, your whole body can suffer.

hello world!!!

I want to talk to you about swallowing (not in a sexual light)

swallowing is supposed to be:

efortless

automatic

painless

and should happen without conscious thought

choking is supposed to be infrequent

if that does not sound like your swallowing experience you are probably part of the 5-15% of the population that has dysphagia. if your swallowing is bothering you then you can (and should) bring up your concerns to a doctor

swallowing is not supposed to be difficult!

[lindaghill]

One-Liner Wednesday - Twice the bang for the buck

Dental surgeons should also advertise as weight-loss specialists. If you would like to participate in this prompt, feel free to use the “One-Liner Wednesday” title in your post, and if you do, you can ping back here to help your blog get more exposure. To execute a pingback, just copy the URL in the address bar on this post, and paste it somewhere in the body of your post. Your link will show up…

[mistxmood]

this is the funniest outcome ever

[Image description: digital art of Bill Cipher, tangled up in electrical wires. He has a nervous expression, as he holds up a ripped wire and says: "Oops!" There's a glitchy effect behind him. End ID.]

[im-a-heartstomper]

my least favorite thing about breakups so far

so I experienced my first ever breakup 2 days ago and instead of whining about how much I want her back I'm gonna talk about how weird this is for me. I had dinner about half an hour after it happened and I ate completely fine. And it was pizza and I'm normally a little nauseous after pizza but oh my god. If I didn't have the inability to throw up unless I have the fucking stomach flu I would've thrown it up seconds after eating. The next day, AKA yesterday I did not eat until dinner. Which I regret because I was STILL NAUSEOUS SOMEHOW? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW BAD PUKE TASTES COMING UP IF YOU HAVEN'T EATEN ANYTHING ALL DAY? UGH IT'S SO BAD. and then I ate dinner and I felt nauseous the whole damn time and then I had some ice cream after and I was so nauseous. It got to the point where I had to say something. So I took medicine and it did not go away. I swear, it was nothing like this beforehand. Okay and I just had breakfast and I'm in the car and I feel like everything I just consumed is going to FORCEFULLY POUR OUT OF ME. How is this worse than the breakup itself. Okay I don't know if the breakup is causing this but if it is I'm honestly just gonna end everything (NOT REALLY) because if I have to live with eating like this for as long as it takes me to recover then honestly that's it for me. This is gonna take so long to recover from man I knew her for like 3 years and then one day she just up and FUCKIN LEAVES. If this shit doesn't go away soon that's honestly it for me. I CANNOT EAT OR LIVE LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!

[starcurtain]

Some Notes on Mydei's Characterization (Part 1)

I'm already tired of seeing Mydei slander (if I have to read "He's a brawn over brains berserker who just cares about fighting" one more time, I might actually die), so I thought I'd put together some quick notes on what canon has to say about Mydei's character. Please note this post contains only my own interpretations of canon material; not everyone will interpret scenes in the same manner.

Starting with some of the most off-base stuff I've seen first:

1. Being Capable of Violence is Not the Same as Being Violent

Mydei's trailer and his role in the story both confirm that he is capable of extreme acts of violence. When it comes to battle, multiple people--Eurypon and Phainon, for example--refer to Mydei specifically as a "beast," rather than a person. In his character stories, we're told that he was such a ferocious predator in the Sea of Souls that even monsters stopped coming near him, and in another of his character stories, he's described as tearing the throat out of an opposing enemy who had an army a thousand men strong. It is a basic and unavoidable fact of Mydei's character that he is capable not only of killing but of killing in egregiously brutal ways, literally tearing his enemies apart with his bare hands.

Mydei will fight, he will cause harm, and he will kill--whenever it is necessary to do so.

But there is an extreme world of difference between being capable of violence and actually being a violent person, and Mydei has shown, in both word and deed, that he is an inherently gentle character who, if given the option, would prefer to choose the path of least harm.

Over and over, the devs hit us players with the idea that Mydei's actual nature is one that abhors needless violence. We see this from his first character story, where Mydei--despite being thrown into the Sea of Souls as an infant, despite fighting every single day of his childhood just to survive--is described as saving drowning fishermen with no reward. Even the author of the legend points out the incongruity of this choice, saying "Why would a Kremnoan ever bother to save others?"

Remember that this is a Mydei who has had literally no human contact. He has no frame of reference for even the concept of generosity. If we take his story seriously, then despite being effectively feral at this point in time, his innate reaction to seeing others in danger was simply to provide aid. Even when his own survival was the only thing he had experience with, he still chose to selflessly save others, with no motivation other than the fact that benevolence appears to be his core nature.

Reinforcing this idea that Mydei is an inherently gentle person, there's the memory in Castrum Kremnos where an unknown someone asks Mydei what his dream is, with the only acceptable options being different combat roles. But Mydei's answers are charmingly abstract instead--young Mydei doesn't want to be a soldier and bring harm to others, he wants to be a wanderer or even a "beam of light."

(Saw some interesting talk linking this "beam of light" with Kephale recently too. I'm very interested to see whether the upcoming patches will tie these connections together or if we're all just reading too much into things lolol.)

3.0's plot hammered this home as well, with Mydei continually disputing Aglaea's mission requests; Aglaea says that sending too many Chrysos Heirs to fight Nikador would be a waste (in case they end up dying), to which Mydei responds that there's no point in needlessly risking people's lives.

Even the 3.0 side quests repeat this message, with one Kremnoan NPC, Aelius, noting that an assassin tried to murder him on his first day in Okhema. Instead of responding with force, as might be justified by the severity of the crime, Mydei--brand-new to Okhema and their ways himself!--still chose diplomacy, and went to the Council of Okhema to legally ensure the Kremnoan people's safety, instead of directly seeking vengeance.

Even a small scene in Kremnos's ruins gives the devs an opportunity to show that Mydei prefers to exhibit aggression only when threatened first: As the Trailblazer and Co. wander through the Soul-Forging Zone, the group meets a half-crazed titankin. Obviously it poses a danger and could become a more serious threat in an instant, but Mydei doesn't offer it any resistance. It isn't violent with him, so he has no reason or motivation to be violent with it... as opposed to Phainon, whose first reaction is immediately to attack.

(If you choose to kill it, by the way, Mydei scolds Phainon and the Trailblazer, effectively calling them bloodthirsty executioners...)

When Krateros attempts to manipulate Mydei using Mydei's mother's wishes, urging him to continue the cycle of domination in Kremnos, Mydei stops him cold by pointing out that (like Mydei who inherited her beliefs) he knows Gorgo was opposed to violence for violence's sake:

Then, of course, there's the entire deal about refusing the crown of Kremnos, breaking his people's endless cycle of violent lives and even more violent deaths and repeatedly refusing Nikador's power because Mydei had no desire to become Strife. Despite revering his people's god for what Nikador was supposed to be--the guardian who sacrificed everything to protect Amphoreus--the game repeatedly tells us that Mydei sees Kremnos's cultural tradition of conquest as a meaningless waste of life, glorifying cruelty for no reason and bringing nothing but harm to the Kremnoans and Amphoreus as a whole.

Mydei fought hard to not become the demigod of Strife. At every turn, he was pressured and manipulated by others against his expressly stated wishes, and ultimately was left with no choice but to accept the destiny forced upon him despite clearly longing for a different, gentler life. Although I'll talk more about this later, the fact that Mydei even went so far as to change his name among the Chrysos Heirs shows us just how intensely he was trying to separate himself from his own past and from Kremnos's bloody history. Mydei wanted to be a person, yet in the end, he was forced back into being a beast, into becoming the symbol of violence, the very thing that took everything good from his life.

(This isn't a shipping post, but Phainon's efforts to take on Nikador's coreflame can be read to at least some extent as a rescue attempt--despite himself believing that Mydei was the better fit for Strife, Phainon saw how sincerely Mydei did not want to take the coreflame trial, and at least in small part, Phainon did take on the trial to spare Mydei from that inevitability. Personally, I think this failure will eventually be one of the linchpins that brings Amphoreus crumbling down, because Phainon was supposed to be everyone's hero, but just like Cyrene, he failed to save Mydei.)

I've seen some people debating this idea that Mydei is not a violent person by pointing out that Phainon calls him "reckless when he gets the urge to kill." In 3.0, Phainon implies that Mydei could even hurt other people with his recklessness in battle. But... we have never seen Mydei ever bring any harm in battle to someone he didn't intend to hurt. No one innocent ever gets injured in-game by Mydei (at least so far...), and we have no indications at any point that Mydei would intentionally endanger others out of recklessness. In fact, even in their first scene, it's Mydei who scolds Phainon for being careless during battle.

For example, Mydei's first reaction to confronting Nikador was to immediately remove Phainon and the Trailblazer from the fight so that they wouldn't come to harm. Even inside the coreflame trial, while the power of Strife was driving Phainon mad, Mydei was still level-headed enough to rally the Trailblazer and Dan Heng and get Phainon out safe. Mydei was still rational enough to even recognize the Okhemans inside the illusion and say "This isn't who these people really are; they're being twisted by Nikador."

Is this really the behavior of a reckless person who loses his sense of reason in battle?

To be honest, players should take most of what Phainon actually says about Mydei with a grain of salt. Phainon, especially during 3.0, doesn't actually know Mydei's whole story (for one, he has a foot in mouth moment in 3.0 where he tells Mydei to make more friends, only to then find out in 3.1 that Mydei had more friends; they just all died), and we know that Phainon often exaggerates Mydei in many ways when talking to others. Mydei may be reckless in battle--but his recklessness almost certainly centers on himself, being willing to risk his own life, rather than others'. This is echoed again in his "Keeping Up With Star Rail" video, where Phainon comments on Mydei's complete lack of self-defense once he enters battle. While Phainon might think Mydei's lack of attention to his own pain is worth calling out, it isn't a sign that Mydei is genuinely a mindless berserker.

I've also seen people debating this point by saying that Mydei appears to go "crazy" in battle and starts grinning when he gets a battle high. But as for Mydei's smiling in battle, we really only see it three times: 1) When Phainon first returns to Okhema, 2) When Mydei finally engages in solo combat with Nikador, and 3) When engaged in solo combat after all his allies in the coreflame trial already "died."

Again, this isn't a shipping post, so write the first smile for Phainon off as you choose--maybe Mydei's just excited to have the opportunity to flex in front of his "rival." The other two smiles are admittedly a bit unhinged, but I'd argue that neither of these moments represents actual enjoyment of battle. Instead, both of these smiles occur only inside the overwhelming pall of Nikador's power, which we're told canonically infects the mind with a desire for bloodshed. More importantly, both of these instances also take place when Mydei is only fighting titankin, not human opponents, and only after Mydei has been left entirely alone, when he is certain that the only person at risk in the fight is himself. When Mydei can confirm that there's no one left to defend (or left for him to lose!), then and only then does he give in to Nikador's violence for violence's sake and engage in battle whole-heartedly.

tl;dr: Mydei was the crowned leader of a culture that glorified cruelty, death, and mindless brutality. He was forced into a life of violence where he had to fight tooth and nail for survival from virtually the moment of his birth. Everyone he ever loved died worshiping a god that used their souls as nothing but fodder for further meaningless destruction. Yet Mydei was doing everything he could to rise above that life, and to help others also rise above that life. Of course he fights when he must, but reveling in it? I don't really see the evidence.

My man did not tear down a dynasty, breaking a thousand years' cycle of pointless strife, to get hit with the "He's a battle junkie" allegations. I swear to god I will bite the next person who says it--

2. His Reputation as Quick-Tempered is a Front

While it's typically not Mydei's fans going around saying Mydei's just another "battle-obsessed manly man," there is a different stereotype I actually do see being perpetrated by self-proclaimed Mydei fans: It seems to be a common trend in fanfics and fanarts to write Mydei with a strong temper, showing him becoming very aggressive when annoyed and suggesting that his first resort in difficult situations is brute force.

To be fair, I think this is influenced by a number of factors, not the least of which is the game itself playing with this idea as a joke. In Mydei's "Keeping Up With Star Rail" video, Phainon playfully reduces Mydei to the quick-tempered brute stereotype, saying things like:

Phainon also brings this up at other points, such as suggesting that Mydei would only need one try to solve the puzzle in Janusopolis because his method of solving it would be... to just punch his way through.

But again, please take the things Phainon says about Mydei with a grain of salt. Roasting your friends for fun is simply a given, and I think that Phainon's comments about Mydei are meant to be understood as playful banter about his "rival," not serious analysis of Mydei's temperament (which really doesn't align with the stereotype of a hot-head at all).

Complicating this whole situation is the English voiceover, where it is clear the voice director encouraged Mydei's English VA to portray Mydei as particularly gruff and worked up in many of his lines. I have nothing against the English VA at all, but the voice direction of the English version clearly missed the mark on Mydei's character and went for a more aggressive vibe than any of the game's other languages. (The whole thing reminds of me Ray Chase not being given proper direction on Neuvillette's character at first and dramatically changing his voice acting over the course of Fontaine's patches.) I don't mean that English Mydei is never gentle, but that many of the lines are delivered with a level of vitriol that is not suited to the scene at all nor present in other languages. (Compare this line delivery in English with the same line in Chinese, for just one example.) The English interpretation of the character is strongly colored by this strange directing decision ("Mydei should be actively angry in many of his scenes"), unfortunately.

Complicating the whole situation even further is fandom's habit of reducing characters to flat caricatures because making funny meme art and exaggerating character traits for comedic effect is so common. (And enjoyable, don't get me wrong lol.) There is a well-loved relationship dynamic of "the grumpy one with the sunshine one," and I think unfortunately Mydei and Phainon are getting this treatment in fandom quite a bit: Phainon is depicted as the exuberant, happy puppy, while Mydei is the angry, bristling cat. It just makes sense when we consider cliches, right? The muscle-bound warrior dude will obviously be a cranky, easily angered hot-head, no? To a certain extent, I understand why fans jump to that conclusion and take that route in their fanworks; it's definitely easier to depict the characters with these kinds of shorthand tropes than to encompass their complicated personalities in every art or fic.

But the problem is... in-game Mydei is really not much like fanon Mydei, at least where tempers are concerned.

Repeatedly, the game tells us that Mydei keeps a level head even in situations of extreme pressure, and that he prefers to use communication, rather than force, to try to resolve the conflicts he encounters. Going back to some examples I've already mentioned: In the ruins of Kremnos, he's the first to suggest communicating with the titankin and the first to suggest that there's no reason to use violence against them. In 3.0, a scene lots of people say shows Mydei's "bloodlust," where he confronts Nikador and claims he has an intent to kill, actually starts with the line: "All that anger and regret I feel right now, I've learned to control them".

In Okhema, when the Kremnoans were facing assassination attempts, Mydei handled the situation legally, within the confines of Okhema's clearly ridiculous bureaucracy, to ensure that the Kremnoan people would be able to live within the city. In 3.1, when Krateros wants to lose the Okheman guards that are trailing them, Mydei defers to Krateros's lead, asking him if they should use force on the guards and only complying when he says yes.

In fanarts, it's common to draw Phainon doing something silly, with a 💢grumpy Mydei💢 barely tolerating it. But... in game, Mydei actually tends to weather Phainon's teasing without that much issue, often playing along readily and teasing back or simply not rising to the bait at all, sometimes giving him a flat response that actually irritates Phainon instead.

Even when Phainon lobbies some of his snappiest jests (the line about Mydei not being able to write comes to mind), Mydei's strongest reaction is usually "Why are you stupid?" and then he moves on. He's not out here roaring like an angry lion or flipping a table every time someone is a bit obnoxious in his general vicinity. Mydei's mostly chill with the silliness, guys. He's sometimes silly back.

And even in the moments where he should be his angriest, such as the day he avenged his mother by killing his father, Mydei tends to respond to pressure and even cruel provocation with level-headed answers, coldly telling Eurypon just how pointless the entire crown of Kremnos was. Krateros insults Mydei specifically for choosing communication as his conflict resolution strategy. Like, how did people decide Mydei would be an easily provoked hot-head when his own mentor insults him for trying to solve Kremnos's problems using words instead of action?

Perhaps one of the only occasions in the game where we actually see Mydei genuinely lash out in anger is the moment with Tribbie, where she tells him not to worry for Phainon. Mydei responds harshly--but then immediately walks his words back, explicitly notes that his single sharp answer was rude, and apologizes.

But what I haven't seen anyone discuss is that fact that Mydei had every right to be angry at Tribbie here. In the prior scene, Aglaea literally belittled and pressured him into taking on the Strife coreflame following Phainon's failure, and Mydei knew in this scene that Tribbie was fully aware of Aglaea's plan to manipulate Mydei using Phainon.

Again, not a shipping post, but Tribbie daring to go "Aw, don't be worried" rightttt after that concern for his friend was weaponized against Mydei to deny him his agency? A direct slap in the face. Aglaea--with Tribbie as her willing accomplice--knowingly put Phainon's very life at risk to entrap Mydei and force him to take on a role he was rejecting with every fiber of his being. After deliberately using Phainon--and Mydei's concern for Phainon!--as a tool, for Tribbie to have the audacity to say "You shouldn't worry about him" was actually pretty vile.

And yet it's Mydei who apologizes. It's Mydei who reins in any hint of frustration and tries to approach the situation politely, as if the person he is talking to hadn't literally just doomed him to an entire future of misery by using the safety of one of his only remaining friends as leverage. The achievement you get just before this moment, "Sing, O Goddess, of His Rage," suggests that Mydei truly is rightfully furious about this situation--but in the end, Mydei still forgives both Tribbie and Aglaea without hesitation, because he knows the importance of the Flame-Chase Journey and of following the prophecy at all cost.

Does this really strike us as someone who flies off the handle at minor annoyances, someone who is brash or easily riled up, someone who resorts to punching his way through all his problems?

Despite appearances, I think it would be more accurate to say that Mydei's temper runs pretty even and that he is actually difficult to provoke to genuine anger. There are times where we see him truly furious (when he confronts Nikador about the honorless scheme to attack Okhema, when he confronts his father, etc.), but in every situation where Mydei is angry, it's because the anger is absolutely justified, because something truly unforgivable is happening to him or those he's sworn to protect.

Mydei's suffered just about every manner of injustice it is possible for a person to suffer, and yet he soldiers on without making his suffering other people's concern. He apologizes for even minor outbursts, despite his feelings of outrage clearly being righteous. In some cases, we might even read him as a little passive aggressive instead--the fact that Phainon's food is nasty whenever he really annoys Mydei and yet he has no idea why the food is bad is a hilarious hint that Mydei's definitely more of a "revenge is a dish best served cold" kind of person than a hot-head.

So what about that moment early on, where Mydei uses the threat of violence to silence Verax Leo?

Well, no Verax Leos were harmed, so? Ha, being serious, I actually think this moment should be better understood as the player's first real insight into Mydei's character, separate from Phainon's colorful commentary.

This moment tells us one thing really clearly about Mydei: He's self-aware. Mydei knows the Verax Leos are literally cowardly lions, and he knows they think he's scary. He's aware of his own reputation as a "beast," and he isn't above utilizing that reputation to achieve a goal if doing so will produce a greater good for others. Without even needing to resort to any actual attack, Mydei is able to silence the Verax Leo's rumor-mongering using just the threat of his capacity for violence.

This suggests to the player that Mydei is actually discerning, straight to the point but intelligent enough to tailor his actions to the level of response that is appropriate for a given situation. He's not a "go in fists blazing right from the start" kind of guy when that's not what's needed. He could easily just punch the lion off the wall--but he doesn't. He lets his words doing the threatening, instead of his fists. (The fact that this particular Verax Leo was apparently helping to slander Kremnoans the week before and still lived to spread rumors about March tells us how disinclined Mydei is to solve his daily problems with actual violence.)

The takeaway is that Mydei's angry reputation among Okhemans, but hell, also among players(!), is largely fueled by stereotypes more than by any real actions on Mydei's part. People expect him to a quick-tempered brute, so that's what they see, even when Mydei's real actions don't lend themselves to that cliche much.

Yet Mydei is also self-aware enough to know that same crude reputation is a powerful tool. It benefits him for certain groups to be very afraid of him, and this leads to an interesting conflict in the character: On the one hand, Mydei wants to distance himself from Kremnos's violence. He renames himself, swears allegiance to Aglaea's cause of hope, and spends his free time in Okhema doing gentle things like taking part in cooking competitions, playing house with kids, and judging drama festivals. More on this in a bit, but I think it's very interesting that not a single one of his marketing or promotional materials--nor any of his scenes in the game itself--show him willingly spending his free time on martial pursuits. (The animation they gave us was Mydei playing with children, not sparring with Phainon or even training with his dedicated warrior brothers-in-arms.) Mydei clearly wants to be seen and relate to others as a person separate from his bloodstained past.

On the other hand, his reputation as a terrifying warrior is one of the only things allowing him to live his current life. It's only as the to-be "blood-crowned" king of Kremnos that the Kremnoans willingly follow him and respect what he has to say. His ability to decide their futures hinges on them continuing to perceive him as Mydeimos, their undying lion of conquest. His only use to Aglaea and the Flame-Chase Journey is as the future manifestation of Strife or as an expendable resource that can be thrown single-handedly at enemies because he's the only one that can take their punishment and keep kicking. His place in Okhema is only secure so long as the Okhemans continue to fear his might, their discrimination kept at bay only by the knowledge that none of them can come close to defeating the Kremnoans if it came to blows. His reputation in Okhema is secure only so long as he can continue to cow the Verax Leos into silence with threats of retaliation.

Mydei doesn't have any attachment to his image as a monster--and yet his situation will not allow him to let it go. As much as he would like to live a different life, the view that others have of him--that he is an angry, savage person who is barely restraining an innate violent nature--is a shield locked in his hand, protecting him and making it possible to keep going--even when all he really wants to do is stop.

So, long story longer: I don't think Mydei has an especially hot temper at all; he's lived an incredibly hard life and had every one of his hopes and dreams systemically stripped away from him. He's under constant and immense pressure and feels entirely alone in bearing his burdens. His frustration occasionally bubbling to the surface--for which he apologizes--is not only justified but honestly still shockingly under-stated. If I was in his situation, a whole lot more heads would have rolled.

And now, a few less important notes to round this post out because I can already tell I'm going to hit tumblr's image limit before I run out of things to say about Mydei, so:

3. He's Not a Dumb Jock or Actually that Fitness Obsessed

This one is kind of annoying because Mydei's marketing materials like to play with the "dumb jock" trope as a joke. As mentioned before, we have Phainon's humorous "If you want wisdom, he's got might" line, Mydei being terrible at math (to the point even the Trailblazer assumes they'd be better at math than Mydei), the implication that Mydei is so straightforward he would miss deceptions from those speaking in ill faith (like during the Verax Leo's riddles), and of course, the overwhelmingly common stereotype of gym bros caring more about their muscles than their brains...

But the game also goes out of its way, repeatedly, to emphasize that just as Mydei doesn't fit the stereotype of the savage warrior, he also doesn't fit the stereotype of brawn over brains, of focusing more on physical prowess than thought.

Mydei being bad at math is played for laughs, sure, but in the same breath we're also told that he's a better student of history than Phainon is (which loops back into ironic when you remember that Phainon loves history and clearly wants to be good at it).

Mydei is one of the game's only confirmed bilingual characters outside of the Genius Society, despite the fact that, if his backstory is to be believed, he would have spent the most formative years of his childhood entirely language-less, and even after leaving the Sea of Souls, would likely not have attended any form of formal schooling until he went to the Grove as an adult. He's capable not only of speaking and reading in multiple languages, but also of translating even archaic variations of his native tongue, enough so that (according to his marketing), being an archaic Kremnoan language mentor is one of his official titles.

He's also one of the characters most strongly associated with reading in the entire game, via the library, his canonically stated ability to interpret poetry, his character stories all being texts... All the other characters associated as strongly with reading as Mydei in the game are regarded as "nerds": Ratio, Dan Heng, Pela... Somehow critical portions of Mydei's character can be oriented around literature and he still gets hit with the dumb jock label???

He's also an accomplished military strategist capable of commanding the respect of seasoned veterans as well as waging effective war campaigns against enemy nations with a marginal, aging army and virtually no resources... He's capable of playing Aglaea's and Okhema's political games, despite having obvious disdain for such things... In fact, in Mydei's goodbye to Aglaea, he speaks to her as one nation's leader to another, remarking on how he's learned valuable lessons in managing his people from her, and specifically highlighting that her trait he most admires--what is missing from his own people's history--is her ability to instill genuine hope in others.

But yeah, Mydei is dumb muscle because it's funny, I guess.

What makes the whole "jock" thing loop around into doubly ironic (and also sad) is that although Mydei's character does involve a strong emphasis on health and fitness, the way it's framed in his marketing versus his actual in-game character is extremely different. Mydei's marketing is all about combat, how he's a "fitness ambassador," and "performance enhancers aren't in the Kremnoan language."

But in game Mydei...?

He doesn't have anything particularly unique to teach Phainon. There isn't any special "extreme Mydei training regimen" above what the other Kremnoan soldiers do, a fact we can confirm with the bath NPC Peleus, who tells us that Mydei has taught him his training regimen, and it's just the "Kremnoan traditional exercises" (the high-altitude shuttle run, firewalking, etc.). This idea that Mydei isn't devoting himself to constantly improving his ~super special combat capability~ is also reiterated in Mydei's marketing when someone tries to scam Okhemans by selling a secret "Mydei combat move" and Mydei is just like "There's no such thing..."

Yes, this is me telling you that the fanon thing where Mydei is all about hitting the arena to beat the crap out of challengers every single day is probably not that lore accurate. Yes, of course Mydei spars and keeps up with his strict exercise routine, but combat training doesn't actually seem to be his favorite hobby. In the game, Phainon is definitely worked up about wanting to spar and practice together, but Mydei's attitude to the idea of training with Phainon seems closer to "Please... be more chill..."

Just as an example, at possibly the most plot relevant time ever to suggest a spirit-raising spar with his "bro," the ideas that instead come to Mydei's mind for working out Phainon's disappointment are...

All gentle socializing.

In fact, although Mydei's marketing hyper-emphasized the "fitness" shtick, we never actually see Mydei sparring or training with anyone in any of his mainstream marketing materials or in game. (I'd say we don't even see him fitness training at all, but hey, they did add one chat sticker where he has a weight lol.)

Although we're informed repeatedly that Mydei's a fitness junkie, what his marketing and in-game free time scenes actually show us are, uhhhh *checks notes* sleeping in, taking long baths, eating pancakes, singing around the campfire with his band of bros, people watching, and babysitting? It's the life he truly deserves.

Again, this isn't to say Mydei doesn't train (obviously you don't look like that without putting in massive effort!), but both promotional materials and the scenes chosen for characters in game are deliberately designed to highlight the most integral aspects of characters' personalities. Mydei surely is exercising hard to keep up his health off-screen--but by de-emphasizing that in what the game actually visually shows us players, the only obvious conclusion is that other things (food, playing with children, spending time with comrades) are much more important to Mydei than just getting swole. Out of the "warrior" type characters we have in Star Rail, Mydei is one of the least pumped up about sparring that we've seen. From what we're actually given in game, Yanqing is infinitely more gung-ho about combat training than Mydei is.

In fact, rather than exercise itself, I'd say more of Mydei's "fitness" focus in game comes from his connection to food, and--perhaps this is me reading into things a bit too much (but that's my job, you know)--I'd argue that Mydei's repeated emphasis on eating healthy is actually a thinly-veiled trauma response to his childhood experiences with starvation.

We're told that, in the Sea of Souls, he fed on the raw flesh and bone of the abyssal monsters he fought--literally eat or be eaten--and could really only hold off the feeling of starving on the rare times that the tides were low and he could catch live shrimp instead. He also closely associates the Kremnoan Detachment, his only refuge, with the notion of comfort food.

And every time food is discussed, he's quick to tell others, even the Trailblazer, exactly what to add in order to make sure they're not only full but also eating a balanced meal that will keep them hale and whole. More than a gym bro, I think Mydei missed his calling as a nutritionist.

Long story longer, Mydei has never had a time where he could go without fighting. For virtually all of his life, at least until he reached Okhema, fighting was all he ever knew. Would he even really need much extra fitness training when his entire existence is a constant stream of battles, of pushing his body to its limits over and over again? He's been "working out" since he was literally an infant, with no down time, and even in relatively peaceful Okhema, a Chrysos Heir's duty to battle never ends.

This is just my personal take on it, but I'm inclined to think that when he finds rare moments of peace, Mydei would probably prefer to do things other than fight, especially if it's something that allows him to provide for himself and others, helping his friends stay well, such as through cooking.

I think the in-game material does a great job of emphasizing that Mydei's definition of "fitness" doesn't necessarily focus foremost on being a gym bro/jock who hits the training field every five minutes--his definition of "health" and "wellness" have a lot to do with nourishing the spirit at the same time.

4. Mydei is Significantly Less Impulsive than Phainon

Okay, I can hear you--if Mydei's not a brute, and he's not a fiery temper, and he's not much of an actual gym bro, what is he?

Well, unfortunately I'm just here to tell you another thing he's not: He's not actually that proactive of a rival either.

Aglaea is quick to call Mydei and Phainon "impulsive youths," putting them on the same level in terms of childishness, but actuallyyy...

Despite the fact that Phainon likes to claim Mydei "taunts him every time they meet", every single actual competition we've ever seen between Mydei and Phainon was initiated 100% by Phainon, with Mydei just sort of getting swept up in Phainon's antics.

In their joint lightcone, it's Phainon who calls for the contest of speed. In Kremnos, it's Phainon who proposes the titankin killing competition. After the coreflame trial, it's Phainon who demands the hot bath challenge (and then lies and blames Mydei lol), and it's even Phainon who turns taking home the other affected bath patrons into a competition too, one in which Mydei flat out claims he wasn't even competing:

We're given several hints, particularly throughout 3.0, that Mydei and Phainon's prior missions were largely characterized by Phainon coming up with ridiculous plans, and Mydei mostly going "Welp, that sounds like it's going to get us killed, but okay I guess."

While Phainon is ready to go "Fuck it, we ball" and fight a titan to the death all by himself, Mydei spends the entire first part of 3.0 going "Hey, so, like, fighting Nikador without an army is a really dumbass decision, and we should probably not be attempting this."

(This moment is kind of less funny in retrospect when you rewatch it with the knowledge that Mydei knew they couldn't handle the fight, but Phainon was like "No, we totally got this, trust me bro!" Spoiler Alert: They did not have it. Literally all of Mydei's deaths in 3.0 happened because of his crippling inability to say no to Phainon. But this is not a shipping post. I promise.)

Anyway, in one of the only examples we have of Mydei possibly being impulsive on his own, the note from the bath manager that reports someone charging into the baths to ask who the strongest warrior in Okhema is, the actual implication is that Mydei had no idea how poorly the Okhemans would take that (nor their obsession with debate which would be sparked), and his faux pas comes less from being immature and more from the cultural discrepancy between Okhema and Kremnos, as the Kremnoan in the note finds Mydei's behavior perfectly normal.

In fact, instead of being an unruly youth, Mydei is criticized by other characters several times in the story specifically for choosing to hold back and think things through before committing himself to a decision. If anything, he's closer to indecisive (or at least slow to decide) than he is to impulsive.

Now, don't get me wrong. The game tells us repeatedly that Mydei does get competitive as hell once Phainon actually manages to convince him to join in on the shenanigans. Of course Mydei likes to win. But the notion that Mydei is Phainon's equally impulsive rival, actively issuing his own challenges, goading his frenemy into new contests, and particularly motivated to keep one-upping Phainon? It's really more of an informed trait and a fandom cliche (red and blue rivals, the people cannot resist) than anything actually shown in the game.

At the risk of perhaps inserting too much of my own interpretation here, I'm inclined to say that Mydei's willingness to engage in Phainon's dumb competitions is less brash rivalry and much closer to "Guy who never had the chance to be an impulsive youth cautiously allowing himself the privilege of feeling carefree for ten minutes or so."

It's not that Mydei is actually that driven to assert his dominance or is particularly impetuous when left to his own devices--it's that he never before had a long enough period of peace where he was safe enough to act childish. If he ever had competitions in his past, they almost certainly would have been like "Who can murder the most enemy soldiers with their bare hands today?" In Okhema, Mydei can participate in sauna-offs.

Mydei isn't as (deliberately performatively) silly as Phainon. He's nowhere near as impulsive as Phainon is. He's not really that fixated on being a rival. But he is a pretty great partner in crime. He does allow himself to be drawn into Phainon's schemes over and over, because well... they're obviously fun for him. He gets into the competitions once they're motion, even if he complains about them at the start. Mydei's life has been criminally devoid of light-hearted joys and normalcy, and being led into trouble that doesn't result in people literally dying on him--harmless trouble--is probably an extreme novelty for Mydei. Basically what I'm saying is, he isn't going to propose the Jackass competition, but he is going to fold like paper the moment said competition is suggested.

Case in point: In 3.0, there's a second where you can actually hear him regretting his life choices, trying so hard to convince himself that he is above Phainon's weird antics, but... in the end, he can't help himself. When Phainon starts LARPing with the Trailblazer during the titankin competition, Mydei's first reaction is essentially "Oh my god, this is so cringe," but just two lines later... look who joins the LARPing.

This nerddddd.

When left alone, Mydei withdraws from the world. Trailblazer typically finds him locked in silent contemplation, rejecting visitors, up on his own private corner of the rooftops. On his own, Mydei is significantly less likely to seek out trouble, cause public disturbances, or become a (usually accidental) nuisance compared to half the other Chrysos Heirs.

But when the company around him makes him feel comfortable, he is willing to engage with life in the childish ways he was never free to before. His "rivalry" with Phainon is better understood not as a macho dude-bro need to assert superiority, but as just one of the most obvious manifestations of Mydei's desire to experience the life he never got to live, to let himself be the kind of person who can just do silly things and cause dumb messes.

Mydei isn't a particularly impulsive person--but sometimes he lets himself try it out. As a treat.

Okay, last note for now:

5. Mind Your Manners

While it might be tempting to see Phainon and Mydei's competitions as the peak of Mydei's comedic contribution in the story, I think the actual funniest aspect of Mydei's character is the game's running gag about his manners.

Yes, Castrum Kremnos is a savage nation that revels in death and is rumored to drink the blood of their enemies--but they still keep it classy, damn it! Sure Mydei might have grown up as a half-feral sea beast and then a homeless, wandering exile subsisting off the land, but sometimes he literally can't help it--the aristocracy just jumps right out of him.

No, I'm not joking. Mydei really does have the prim and proper manners of a blue-blooded royal.

We see this from his first appearance in the game. A character's first scene is generally their establishing moment, the devs' chance to give players a strong starting impression--which makes it so telling that one of the first things out of Mydei's mouth is a insult to Phainon's manners.

This is a direct and pointed critique, suggesting Phainon has neglected his duties as a host by relying on his "guests" as back up in the battle. In the context of Amphoreus's historical inspirations, this is actually a very serious scolding: hospitality was a big, big deal in ancient Greece, and the idea of forcing foreign guests into serving you before affording them proper welcome and rest, let alone actively endangering them, would literally be considered an affront to the gods.

With this one short line, the devs are impressing the extreme difference in social status between Mydei and Phainon: Phainon is effectively a "country bumpkin," a member of a lower class who doesn't know how to (or perhaps just doesn't care to?) properly practice the civil gestures of the upper rungs of Amphorean society. Mydei, on the other hand, not only knows the proper rituals of etiquette but expects those rituals to be upheld by others. He's basically calling Phainon a mannerless peasant in one of his first lines of dialogue, which is why Phainon gets so grumpy for the rest of the conversation lol.

We see Mydei's inclination towards proper decorum in several other places as well. As a prince, he's entitled to respect and deference, and while we might be inclined to say "Mydei isn't the type to enforce his royal status over others," the game itself shows us that... Mydei kind of does expect people to treat him differently.

Just as one small starting example, I know it's somewhat popular to have Mydei deny his royal status in fanfics, such as telling people not to call him by his titles or acting as if he has no connection to the upper class, but this doesn't actually happen in the game. Mydei introduces himself to the Trailblazer from the start as Castrum Kremnos's crown prince, consistently thinks of himself (such as in mission journal text) as a prince, and is largely referred to as "the crown prince" or "your highness" by everyone outside the Chrysos Heirs, including all of the Okhemans:

In fact, I'd go so far as to argue that Mydei takes his role as a prince very seriously and does not remotely deny the responsibility he bears toward his people. It's important to him to fulfill his duty to the Kremnoans, so rather than downplaying his role as their prince, he seems to acknowledge it freely, working to serve as a principled leader as best he can.

In short, Mydei is aware of his status--and he expects everyone else will be aware of it too.

I don't mean this in a bad way at all; he's not rude or pompous about it--rather, I think this is a subconscious aspect of his character. Mydei has spent many of his formative years with his people putting him on a ridiculously tall pedestal. He's spent at least a decade as the leader of a group that basically worships the ground he walks on; the Kremnoans obviously aggressively follow the social protocols of their very traditional culture, which seems to include somewhat blind adoration of their kings. Even if Mydei wanted the Kremnoans to treat him as "just another one of the people," there's almost zero chance they would do so. It would likely go against their nature to even ask that of them. Ergo, Mydei's almost certainly spent his entire adult life as the recipient of his people's extreme respect--and their strict adherence to proper social protocols around their prince.

Because of this, Mydei does have specific (if likely subconscious) expectations for "how people will behave around me," and we players get to see several humorous moments where other characters in the story violate Mydei's understanding of how princes should be treated:

In a particularly infamous memory crystal, we see one of Phainon and Mydei's early interactions, with Phainon inserting himself in Mydei's presence and starting up a conversation Mydei obviously did not expect. This is such a faux pas that only someone like Phainon could have had the audacity to thoughtlessly do it; he basically hop-skip-jumped about twelve rungs on the social ladder to waylay a royal without seeking an audience--and Mydei is clearly taken aback to be approached so casually and without preamble. Although Mydei doesn't actually say it (because doing so would be rude, of course), Phainon himself awkwardly ends up acknowledging that Mydei is trying hard to end their conversation:

It's not because Mydei dislikes Phainon already, but because the act of walking up on a stranger--especially a stranger who is a prince!--and assuming such a degree of familiarity as to comment on his body of all things would be so beyond the pale of appropriate social behavior that even Mydei hardly seems to know how to respond at first.

We see this same completely (or perhaps willfully) oblivious to social protocol behavior from Phainon numerous times throughout the 3.0 and 3.1 quests, and Mydei's affronted reactions are always pretty priceless. You can almost hear him thinking "The audacity!"

The exact same face my conservative grandma makes when I accidentally drop an F bomb in front of her.

Blatantly asking a prince to praise you? Scandalous.

But Phainon isn't the only person who can provoke these offended responses from Mydei while pushing the prince's boundaries with bad manners. Trailblazer hilariously earns themself a few critiques about their lack of courtesy too:

And even Aglaea triggers a haughty response???

(Sure, we could give Mydei the benefit of the doubt here and say he's talking about himself and Phainon, but honestly? I think this English translation at least could lend itself to a different take as well: Bro got so embarrassed over being caught acting a fool that THE ROYAL "WE" just burst straight out of him lmaoooo.)

In another humorous example, in the animation where Mydei plays with children, the "princess" in the play criticizes Mydei for not being very good at princely behaviors like Okheman waltzing, which immediately results in... Mydei seeking dance lessons from Tribbie so he can improve himself. Princes can't be caught slacking!

(But hilariously enough, as a sidenote, Mydei's dance ability seems to be another case of culture gap: One of the other children in Okhema, the one who was taught about Kremnoan traditions by Mydei, is actually quick to inform us that Mydei may not be familiar with Okheman dances--but he does know all about Anastenaria dancing!)

(Mydei might not fit the standards for an Okheman prince, but he's killing it as a Kremnoan one!)

Anyway, being serious again: Although it's quite funny the dev team insists so much that Mydei, despite being prince of a nation of savage warriors, is nonetheless a prince, with all the trappings of prim and proper etiquette, I think it also says a lot about Mydei's character that he does try to follow social protocols so closely. He apologizes for rudeness. He minds how he speaks to others. He is precise and forthright and always honors his word. Hell, he even politely makes prior arrangements if he knows he's going to be late to an event.

Mydei is self-aware enough to know his status. He knows the weight of that status, and he knows what his status means to his people. He takes the responsibility seriously and bears the role to the best of his ability, striving to meet the Kremnoans' expectations of a "crown prince" even as he can't bring himself to truly align with their core beliefs. He is trying his best to carry himself as a leader should, complete with his commitment to honor the traditional expectations and social class systems of both Kremnos and Okhema.

Despite his rough start in life, Mydei has accepted his people's intense respect and adapted himself to become someone worthy of commanding that respect. Social graces may not have come naturally to him after a childhood completely outside of humanity's reach, but Mydei nevertheless has worked hard to become a cultured person who embodies the demeanor and decorum of a sole surviving prince.

Although it's played for laughs, it's also played quite straight throughout Amphoreus's story: Manners matter to Mydei--both in himself and in others.

Anyway, since I still have more notes I jotted down about Mydei's characterization, here is some other stuff:

Part 2, over here ->

[beautifulelephantsealsunrise]

congrats little buddy that’s the worst anyone’s ever done it 💖

[harzilla]

Honestly can I admit I've been sitting on writing a full God!Yuu fic? I keep trying to turn game mechanics into God skills. I just wanna throw this out there. Sorta a ficlet? It's mostly my kind of stream of thoughts.

Imagine the guys are absolutely clueless that the "magicless" human is a god. Like a trickster god and whatever little thing that follows their amusement and they notice a weird little blip of magic one day and decides to follow where it leads.

they immediately shift into a vessel that fits the world and when Grim busts open the coffin the god realizes it's his magic they noticed. Oh? Interesting....

The dark mirror can't read their soul because the mirror is tuned into the souls of those born in Twisted Wonderland. The body? Yes. Their actual being? No. So for the first time the mirror calls a colorless empty soul since it's creation.

The god soon realizes they're in a school of humanoid mages and they can sense the different flows of magic from everybody. Allowing them to be able easily analyze what kind of magic it is, ties into the world/nature(aero, water, fire) and emotions(void/light)the self.

Our God realizes that things could get boring fast if they push their powers around and they decide to handicap themselves by only using intentional power to prevent somebody from dying. They're not particularly interested in seeing a bunch of kids die. Mortal lives are fleeting but full of fascinating things.

It turns out that Twisted Wonderland is very interesting if you're willing to see where things lead. But, they can still interfere if they do it within the limitations of a magicless mortal, right?

They also can also pick up on the emotions of mortals and the drips of blot they see are literal buildup of negative emotions starting to manifest in a physical world, very nasty little thing. But only they can see it at this point. They stick by Ace and Deuce because they know that the two will lead them to Riddle. The only one dripping blot at this point within their line of sense. They work with Ace and Deuce, so it's only natural they follow because they helped make the tart, right? They know they can only allow the overblot to happen because they limited their powers but the rancid magic wafting off Riddle makes them unhappy. Diving into Riddle's mind they gently pull through his memories and pull the threads of his thoughts in the right direction. Weakening the link to the overblot and allows Riddle's own mind to push forward and ask the question he needed to hear. This Allows Riddle to hit a breakthrough the overwhelmingly destructive negative feelings. It severes the link to the overblot completely, killing the overblot and allowing Riddle to live.

Riddle awakens and now our God slips back into the magicless human act. They know something is off and they're going to follow along because they want to see just what is causing the world to flow in the direction it's going.

The sticker system is them giving the guys blessing. Our God likes interesting things and the entire rewardable cast is their kind of fun. These stickers kind of create a pavlova effect where they feel positive energy/feelings when around the prefect. The emotions trigger the blessings they received that it boosts their magic. Thus the higher the friendship the higher the magic output

Honey? Candies? All the treats? More blessings. Increased lessons is the god blessing them with more lessons by tweaking the flow of time. They can't perceive the change unless the god wants them to.

They enjoy learning new things about everybody and seeing their progress. They like studying the different dynamics between everybody and are always curious about what's running through their head. A bunch of hormonal teenagers with way to much power at their fingertips always attracts trouble. But also they find them all endearing in their own weird ways.

Of course our god sometimes creates it's own trouble, oh my it seems the tsums felt the gods power somehow and they showed up at specifically Ramshackle? oh my how odd? The God permits it because, well it's interesting and the tsums are harmless if not as chaotic as their counterparts. Just the right kind of mischief they're looking for. Of course maybe our god might have felt a tiny bit bored, saw this adorable magical creatures by staring out into the infinite void of space, magic, and existence and was all "Visit this world please? 🥺"

I just have so many ideas for this I honestly feel like I should try to make a long fic of this idea. But I just want you to think about the absolute crisis all of them go through when they're revealed to be a god that has just let the guys do everything that has happened throughout the entire plot and events because they're amused?

But oh what fun they can have now! Now that they can mess with the guys openly. Only the ones they permit can tell anything is happening.

Pay backs fun now isn't it?

[mewvore]

I beg of thee, o voluptuous one, may we have a tummy pic, please and thank you? :3

There ya go

[alkatart]

Using my most favoritest boytoy pretty boy guinea pig to practice drawing body hair cause apparently the only way I can get my brain to do studies is by making it blorbos. Also some different body type Roys to help flesh out my headcanon for his post canon weight gain

[atinycelery]

Guys, water is wet-

[justablah56]

they can have 1 (one) cute drawing on this sketch page full of angst, as a treat <3

and bonus. this.

[lunewolf13]

Steph and Cass decide to use Alfred's kitchen:

Steph: Do you ever just wonder, 'am I good enough?'

Cass: No.

Steph: That's the spirit! Now let's see how well you can cook!

Cass: Badly.

Steph: It's just waffles! How bad could you be?

Twenty minutes later, after turning off the smoke detector and opening the windows:

Steph, cutting into the 'waffle': I mean, a little burnt never hurt anyone.

That was an understatement. Really, it was impressive that she managed to make a charred waffle. How did it even happen?? Steph was right here the entire time!

As she's about to sacrifice herself and take a bite, Cass takes her wrist.

Cass: Don't eat. You'll die.

...Yeah. She probably would.

Steph: Batburger?

Cass nodded: Batburger.

Steph should've believed Tim when he said Cass has a permanent ban from Alfred's kitchen. No one's perfect.

[mushed-kid]

take two

[dandelion-wings]

I've been trying not to start more WIPs without finishing old ones first, but I've also been in a severe writing slump this month and grasping at anything that excites me to try and get out of it, AND I was trapped at the barn for five and a half hours yesterday, re-read In Good Faith, and started thinking, "what if Jean's turn?" And that excites me. So IDK if this will go anywhere, but:

When the Hydrogunner hits them both, Jean understands the Cincin Mage's maneuver, and what's going to happen next. The Cryo Cincins are swarming towards them; the Electrohammer, a dozen feet away, is surrounded by crackling violet and limbering up for a charge. The Operative is still at her back. If she moves out of all those lines of fire, Amber will take at least one of those hits, and she's not sure that Amber will still be standing afterwards if she does.

Jean may not be, either. The Operative was truly clever in her ambush. But she can't let her Outrider go down.

"Amber, get clear!" she shouts. All their enemies are moving; the Operative is at her back, closest to Amber, so that's who she turns to parry. "Go for help!"

"Wait! I can-"

"*That's an order!*"

The Operative is flung back by her Gale Blade, hitting the ground hard enough that she doesn't immediately spring up. Good. There's a flash of red, Amber at least moving. Then the Cincins hit.

Jean tenses hard against the ice encasing her, trying to crack enough of it to break free. The Electrohammer gets there first. Broken spears of ice sinks into her flesh, and she can feel bones break, too; he'd hit her in the legs. She crashes to the ground, her left leg agonizingly unable to bear her weight.

Her Vision has recouped itself from the fight with the riftwolves. She can heal-

A flash of red beside her. She says "Amber," panicked, and then it solidifies into a black-cloaked figure. With a flick of his knife, he slashes through her coat, her side, and at the bottom her belt, ripping it, and her Vision, from her waist.

He tosses it to the Operative, who's holding her side as she stalks up to where Jean lies.

"Well, Acting Grand Master," she says. The Cincin Mage steps up on Jean's other side, Hydrogunner and Electrohammer at her back. "A pleasure to meet you at last. My informant wasn't joking about your prowess. Nor your weaknesses."

At that, Jean glances quickly around. The one, thin relief she has, as the Electrohammer reaches down to jerk her up by her cape around her neck, is that she sees no sign of Amber. At least her Outrider has gotten away.