#do not yet have the brain power for bigger critical thinking

[rainbowsuitcase]

Takes that made me log off TikTok tonight and finally go to sleep:

1. It's not okay to ship Clint and Natasha because Clint is married with kids

2. It's not okay to ship Steve and Bucky because they're literally brothers

3. If the ship doesn’t work in canon, it’s not a good ship

[flowery-laser-blasts]

What’s your theory on why Shego specified no cloning in her contract. Like on one hand it’s basic sense and on the other hand you have to wonder what could have happened to make it something she needs in writing.

OH I'VE BEEN WANTING TO TACKLE THIS ONE FOR A WHILE NOW BUT I KEPT ON FORGETTING TO WRITE IT DOWN! HERE GOES!

Shego's zero tollerance to cloning has to do with 2 factors:

1. Individuality (I'm not sure if I'm using the right word here but bare with me for now, I still got a cold and my brain power is at a low) 2. The Wegos 1. Individuality / who's the original? Looking at the Mauler Twins from the tv show Invincible as an example, it's very easy to see why Shego does NOT want to be cloned. It's very difficult to convince an identical clone that they're a clone; you share memories, physical attributes, character, etc. It's literally duplicating another being. She's head strong. Let's say that memories don't apply but character or ego, remains, that way Shego's clone would STILL keep her foot down pledging that she's the original even if gaps are missing "It's a stupid side effect of that stupid cloning machine of Dr. D!" could be an explanation the clone would give. Shego has a very dominant and strong personality so she would brush that off. Even in the SiT:Past episode. When Shego meets her future self, she dismisses the Supreme One as a 'clone' at first glance and doesn't even bother to listen to her right away. Only after a few minutes Shego comes around and follows the Supreme One's instructions: Shego doesn't want to listen to her future self because from her point of view; She (The Supreme one) is not her (Shego) and thus lesser in opinion. Having that said, if you put a few Shego clones in one room, you'd get an all on fight. She can dish out snarky remarks but hates receiving critique; and as one knows, you're your own worst critic. "Uhm... Obviously, you're the clone. I mean, look at your hair." "What? What's wrong with my hair?" "It's obviously synthetic" "Oh I show you synthetic! When I smear your cakey make up all over the floor!" Chaos would errupt and there might be a big chance that all the clones at one point might turn against Drakken for creating this mess in the first place; because all of them would agree that this wouldn't have happened if Drakken just respected the NO CLONING clause! But I hear you thinking: "That doesn't matter because Drakken wanted to improve the (Kim) clones, remember? He said "My Kim clone will be engineered with the lightning fast reflexes of a king cobra…the invincible strength of a rogue elephant… and that killer instinct of… Commodore Puddles" so character or memories wouldn't play a part in it. Shego's clone would be obedient and a killing machine!" YOU'RE WRONG; THIS AN EVEN BIGGER INSULT TO INJURY. IMAGINE YOUR BOYFRI-- BOSS TELLING YOU: "Yeah I want to make a copy of you but it has no mind of it's own and it is way stronger and more powerful than you could be to take down a teenager. Oh, while I'm at it; a lot of yous! That way I have an army." Uhm, HELLO? That's just asking to be beaten up! NO one is better than the original!

2. The Wegos The Wegos have no cloning power but duplication. They can cause a lot of trouble within a short amount of time. I imagine that sometimes the Wegos used their powers to cause mischief; Use their duplications to get out of superhero meetings or bedtime. I have not yet 100% figured out whether the Wego duplications are controlled by a hivemind of the original or if they can act individually upon creation. Again, looking at for example Duplikate from Invincible or Splinter from The Boys they both are superheroes that seem to be sharing a hivemind with the original. If the original is destroyed so are the duplicates. I also have a headcanon (but not entirely worked out and it might stray from the canon) that the Wegos are actually 1 person. Being the youngest, he used his duplication power to keep up a permanent twin so he wouldn't be lonely and overseen by his older siblings. But going back to it: There could be a chance that in her hero days, Shego has seen Wegos injured and may have had some troubles being unable to find the original ones (only finding out after the duplicates disappeared). It is one thing to see your little brother hurt, let alone a whole legion of little brothers. It might've been a scary sight to maybe also see her 'brother' get killed multiple times, even if it was just a dobbleganger.

So that's my take on the whole no cloning thing. :) Hope this answers your question!

[fridayincarnate]

Tell me about Hux and Cardinal?

HUX AND CARDINAL

I'm so glad you asked. I suspect that the only reason they're not a bigger ship is that Cardinal is a book character who hasn't shown up onscreen. (Yet.)

The dynamic Brendol creates between Hux and Cardinal echoes the one Snoke later creates between Hux and Kylo, and it goes back WAY further. I'm convinced this is deliberate both on the author's part and in-universe on Snoke's part.

Cardinal is one of the first stormtroopers recruited into the First Order when he and Hux are both children. Hux's father gives Cardinal all the praise he denies Hux, which is a really sore spot for Hux because Cardinal embodies the idealized physical masculinity that Brendol constantly berates Hux for lacking (too weak, too skinny). But Cardinal is trained to obey Hux's orders even though Hux is younger and Cardinal sees him as "spoiled" and "soft." Despite all the praise Brendol showers upon Cardinal, Hux gets the real power. It's a real brains/brawn dichotomy that makes each feel inferior to the other's strengths. But this works out great for Brendol, for a while - better that they're both focused on earning his approval than realizing how well they complement each other.

Sound familiar?

I also think it's very likely Cardinal was Hux's first crush. I have no evidence for this whatsoever. But their closeness and enmity could be the start of a pattern that Hux later repeats with Kylo. Plus, a side effect of Brendol criticizing Hux's physique and praising Cardinal is that Hux would have been... very aware of Cardinal's physique. Prime gay awakening "do I want to be him, or do I just want him?" material.

The fraught power dynamics between them are interesting in a way that's quite different from Kylux, though.

By the time of the Phasma novel, Hux outranks Cardinal significantly. Also consider this unsettling passage that shows the effect of Cardinal's conditioning on his opinion of Hux:

He's clearly reciting propaganda here, but how deeply ingrained is it? Is he just repeating lines back to himself or does he fully believe all of this? Depending on how literally you take this passage, this pairing could get quite twisted and dark.

Yet even here, Cardinal displays an undercurrent of resentment towards Hux. And while Hux sees Cardinal as an obedient subordinate, I don't think he's outgrown his envy and the sense that he didn't measure up to Cardinal. This in no way neutralizes the power Hux holds over him, but the duality of their relationship is fertile ground for exploration. Their history and present are inextricably intertwined. No one knows Hux quite like Cardinal does.

By the way, that's from the infamous robe scene, in which Hux drapes himself across his furniture in a robe and gives off a vaguely slutty vibe. For an audience of one. Cardinal. I'm just saying.

I could go on, lol, but I'll cap it here for now.

Thanks so much for asking! It's such a rarepair (fewer than twenty fics on AO3! what!) and I'm determined to change that lmfao. Literally ask any time and I will keep going, hahaha, and it'd absolutely make my day to see other people talking about these two.

[shadowthief78]

Just finished reading my copy of Iron Widow that i got from idk where, thoughts below the cut. Spoilers, obviously!

also everything is my opinion, etc, leave me alone.

What I liked:

The Four Symbols used as chrysalises. Chrysali? Giant battle mechas? Cool idea, it's always just such a good quad group.

Yellow Dragon, nuff said. That's my fav of the four, special place in my heart for it

I thought that a lot of the themes regarding sexism were a little heavy handed but very clear and pointed out a lot of flaws that exist in real life, which makes sense bc this book was marketed as Young Adult. Still think that Wu Zetian (the PoV character) didn't really need to spell everything out but I can undersand why.

This bit that single-handedly made Yizhi my favorite character:

What I didn't like:

I wish that the book wasn't part of a series, just because I have been going through a standalone phase for the past few years. I liked it enough to read and have a decent time but not really enough to wait for and read a sequel.

I think the protagonist, Wu Zetian, has a motivation that can be hard to follow sometimes and her methods are something that I wouldn't do

I'm super biased and this really isn't substansive criticism at all but I think that poetry should've been a bigger focus. Like, in ancient China, poetry was a hugely gendered subject and Wu Zetian (the real empress, who really lived, not the character) was a huge influence becaus of both her position as empress that allowed her to be a patron and author of poems which was considered a male area in irl ancient China. Seriously, ancient Chiense poems by female poets are notoriously rare, especially when compared with male poets. The only reaon why there are, numerically, "lots" of poems by female authors is because China has a history of poetry that spans thousands and thousands of years and there are just a metric shit TON of poems. Not to mention her role in changing the civil service exams and massively expanding them, which (while debatable on specifics), made Confucian classics and poetry a major area of study for anyone wanting to have a government job, aka literally ALL noble sons. Though, to be fair, Wu Zetian the character hasn't really reached that level of power and influence (yet). This bullet point was just an excuse for me to ramble about Chinese poetry.

Some of the pacing felt a little weird, still unsure about a few characterizations, and maybe I'm blind and overlooked everything (a very distinct possibility because I'm literally so bad at recognising stuff like this) but some of the plot twists were a little sudden and felt, in my opinion, a little contrived. It's also possible I just don't have the brain for politics and power struggles like what goes on in the book

Overall Thoughts:

I think I would have liked this book better when I was younger, like middle school age. I personally thought this book was catered to the younger end of the YA spectrum, which is probably just me being not the target audience. Or maybe i'm misremembering who I was and my maturity level back then, it's been a few years.

I did see a few people describing it with tropes (no threesome, but throuple!! etc) and i think that kind of made me like the story less. Both because I knew what was going to happen and because I dislike that practice because it tends to disincentivise characterization and emotional attachment to characters in favor of "omg enemies to lovers!!" which I thought kind of happened, I didn't really emotionally connect with any of the characters beyond thinking Yizhi is kind of cute and also pretty funny. This is also criticism of the publishing industry and the need to be an author AND a marketing director so not a criticism of the book itself but the culture surrounding it.

I have no big complaints in regards to the technical skill or themes conveyed, but I also didn't love the book enough to really super want to seek out a sequel. I had a nice time reading, no regrets, solid 5/10.

[knowlessman]

Transcending history and the world, a tale of souls and quirks, eternally retold (bnha) s4e6-9 (nice)

"so many heroes at this meeting. what is this?" we've had first dodgeball arc, but what about - shot

so I guess bubble girl breathes through her boobs or something? (tbh we might have seen her power earlier, I forget)

(Centipeder is onscreen) …the sheer incongruity. the sheer dapperness. they look like fuckin Mr Mistoffelees. if mr mistoffelees had an entire bug for a head

"a drug that destroys quirks!" "destroys" is a pretty strong word -- "it damaged his mutant genes" …huh. so enough of it might remove a quirk for good. -- "human cells and blood were inside!" aye, gettin closer to that one x-men movie again.

a kid's toy robot, a pokemon, and teenage two-eyed Pleakley

"my Foresight requires a 24-hour interval between activations" it's a one-a-day power and you spent it on interviewing an intern. -- clairvoyance abilities just suck, when they aren't just cryptic prophecies or used solely for their owner's amusement. When they're on a character who actually has screentime, the lengths writers have to go to in order to write around them, and all the fine print they have to tell you so that you don't immediately go "but this character can just solve the entire plot at-will, why aren't they doing that?" just get tiresome and distracting; the excuses pull you right out of the fun.

another after-credits scene. you're killin me here -- "don't let her feel like running away" pfft. no pressure, huh? just decide what someone feels for them.

"heroes don't cry!" "nah, heroes cry when they need to" …zuko, I don't even fully know how abusive your dad is yet. how are you the only level-headed character in this show (barring maybe yaoyorozu, off the top of my head); like, the only one with actually-good advice. how are YOU of all people the Uncle Iroh

k, so the naysayer's name is Rock Lock; thanks, subtitles. I like him, but I have a feeling he's gonna get hisself killed or retired because he dared to criticize the protagonist and disagree with good guys whose names we already know. -- [writes up a rant about shaun of the dead and vilifying naysayers even when they have a point, then looks up stuff about the character I'm thinking of and apparently forgot how much bad karma they'd piled onto that character. …now I'm just annoyed that they also made the only character in that with a functioning brain an actual asshole. it's like watching bakugo have a bright idea.] -- I also like that Rock Lock's power reminds me of the glitched Immovable Rod paintbrushes from Oblivion

!!!!!

does mirio have so much costume because it locks in place so he can just phase back into it? that'd at least combo with his power instead of make an even bigger fool out of him than the school uniform does -- "it's made out of his own hair" so what you're telling me is that they could've made a custom school uniform that wouldn't phase off him, and didn't. …also for some reason he still has that visor that he can't phase with.

(tamaki's flashbacks) turns out if you give Tintin a jacket and a ponytail, suddenly he's Edward Elric. -- "you keep calling me the sun, but you're the suneater." gay. <3

Team Trash (three of the eight bullets of whatever, idk) are pretty cool for a one-off (?) villain team. got backstories and all that, and they don't even have a token queer knife-licker.

I thought Sato was just Choji from Naruto, but it turns out that's Fat Gum.

[mangojanitorial]

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What are floor cleaning companies?

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Deciding your Requirements

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Then again, on the off chance that your workplaces require further developed or concentrated cleaning, a house cleaner administration will probably not do the trick. Thus, while moving toward expected business cleaners, it's generally useful to have a rundown of errands that you need tended to. Business cleaners will generally offer the accompanying types of assistance:

General cleaning errands (restrooms, break rooms, floors, windows, and so forth.) Trash expulsion Reusing evacuation Steam cleaning Essential fixes or gear substitution Floor stripping and waxing Power washing Post-development cleanup administrations Capacity cleaning As may be obvious, employing business cleaning organizations may be the most ideal choice for bigger business properties. Preferably, you ought to have the option to find an expert cleaning organization that can redo their administrations to meet your particular requirements so you can breathe a sigh of relief knowing your workplaces or business property will be perfect and very much kept up with.

[furiousgoldfish]

Learning more about trauma recovery, I realized that even if we all have similar cptsd symptoms (emotional flashbacks, inner shame and guilt, abandonment issues, fear of other's negative reactions to us, fight/flight/freeze/fawn response, highly anxious behaviour, perfectionism, catastrophizing, chronic exhaustion and pain, panic attacks, struggle expressing anger, dissociation, grief, negative thinking, fear of the future, hopelessness, suicidal ideation) it's usually one or two of them that are specifically strong and tako a hold of someone's entire personality. For instance, someone will try to find a way out of fear by constantly doing more and more and try to always be perfect, another one will freeze and do nothing in a stressful situation; some will avoid people altogether, some will run from one painful relationship to another. Some might find their inner critic so powerful they get unable to do anything due to the constant shame and berating from inside of their head, and some will sink into dissociation and numbness in order to withstand being alive.

For me, it was the inner catastrophizer that was so loud, overbearing, and impossible to fight; I hadn't recognized it as a trauma symptom because I believed every bit of it was true. My imagined catastrophe was dying from lack of resources, or being tortured to death. Both felt like a very likely scenarios to happen because I do live in poverty, with minimal resources, and I've already experienced torture so it seemed like it's highly possible for it to happen again. I couldn't see that I've survived years on my own, without any help, and that I've became more resourceful than most people, or that I had saved myself from torture and kept myself safe. Every single time a minor stress would appear, I would spiral into wild scenarios of myself homeless, dying, or in unbearable pain. It would trigger a nervous breakdown, lots of flashbacks, panic attacks, and bring me to such highly anxious state I wouldn't be able to move for days. I didn't see a way out of this, I believed I was brainwashed to experience this over and over again, and panicked severely when it started getting worse.

It was only when I found out about other survivors having the exact same imagined catastrophy, I was able to see it was fake. People with jobs, friends, family, loved ones, resources and safety, were having the exact same fear of dying homeless. Circumstances don't matter to the catastrophizer, it will find a path to your worst, most painful scenario even if it's next to impossible for it to happen.

Reading the 'Complex PTSD' book, I learned that these catastrophic thoughts can and should be de-escalated and stopped in their tracks by a stream of logical, factual thoughts that challenge the unlikeliness and fakeness of the imaginary disaster. I trained my mind to do it immediately, unspeakably relieved to know it's something I can do on my own, it's do-able, it's progress I can make just by arguing with my own thoughts!

Ever since that day, I haven't allowed myself to spiral into a catastrophic thoughts once, and it's done wonders for my recovery. It was like dragging myself from the bottom of the pit to a place where I could breathe again. I only now acknowledge how extremely damaging it was on my body to be broken down like that regularly, how impossible it was to live always followed by that terror, how unreasonable it was to expect from myself to endure it. I still break down a lot, but from grief, which is healthy for me to break down about, and it doesn't throw me into a paralyzing pit of terror.

I also need to acknowledge that this is not something I'd be able to do at the beginning of the recovery; at the start I had every single symptom screaming in my face, it was all I could do to stay alive thru it all. Over the course of several years, a lot of the symptoms quieted down on their own, just because I was getting used to life in a non-abusive environment. The catastrophizer was one that kept getting bigger and more stressful as others got smaller and more manageable.

I believe most of my symptoms died down because I was allowing myself to seek out a comfort zone; giving myself a place to feel safe and not triggered by whatever, gave me a lot of peace, a refuge to hide in. After finding a little peace of the world I was safe in, this world began to expand, until I saw a way to have a life in it. It has its limits, of course, and if I try doing certain things I will absolutely get triggered and my well-being will be obliterated. But I'm not looking for a life where I can do everything. Only to stay alive, and to not be in terror. It's a humble yet very complicated desire for a traumatized person to have.

I no longer have to actively stop my catastrophic thoughts; my brain now does it for me. If I start spiraling, a voice in my head will go 'Wait a minute, that doesn't sounds realistic, isn't it more likely x will happen and it will be okay? Come on, you don't have to be terrified about this, because it's not real. It will be okay, and here's every single instance where a similar event went well for you. You will pull thru this one, and even if you don't, the consequence won't be death, or torture, or everyone alive hating you. At worst you will feel slightly bad, so it's okay to feel good now. You've done a lot to get this far. All will be well.'

And that is a very pleasant inner voice to have, and I am grateful for it. I wish so badly that I had this earlier in life, but I guess looking at my parents, there was no way.

What is your worst reoccurring symptom that stops you from progressing in your recovery? If you feel like you're at the stage where you can recognize it and talk about it, it would be beneficial for everyone recovering to read more experiences.

[pathetic-midgardian]

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness spoilers ❗🛑

As a Doctor Strange fan it makes me sad that every critic and analysis of the marvel fans is about every easter egg and cameo and references and how it ties into the next projects and yeah sure, that's what we do with every marvel movie/serie but- like still there's always the character fans who flood the internet with pictures and comments, metas, analysis about the character's arc. And even tho I know Doctor Strange has a little fanbase I thought he would become more of a favorite with this movie yet everyone's talking about the director and everything else than Stephen 🙄 so here are my favorite things of the movie about STEPHEN STRANGE because it's his movie!

Doctor Strange (2016) ends with Stephen keeping the broken watch as a reminder of his choice to serve the mystic arts. The Ancient One taught him that "it isn't about him" so he renounced to his old life as a neurosurgeon because there are other ways to safe lifes. He chose to use magic not to fix his hands (his life) but to help protect the world from bigger threats.

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022) ends with Stephen fixing the watch ⌚ because he's now facing his fears, he used it before broken as a reminder of Christine and his love for her, but he was scared and he knew he wasn't good for her (the new life style is dangerous) so he stood away from her to protect her. Then the 5 years passed and he comes back to find she's engaged. So fixing and stopping using the watch is a way to give closure to that part of his life (he knows now that they don't end up together in any universe).

I am so glad we got Donna Strange crumbs, with all the America and Wanda things going on they had some brain left to remember this was a Stephen movie. I would have preferred a flashback something we could see. But ok 😐

Christine's line "face your fears Doctor Strange" !?!? hello!? *chef's kiss* because you know the fact Stephen's lost almost every person he's cared about in his life and that's why he chooses to put his asshole personality as a protector barrier because he's afraid of loving and be loved because he knows how it always ends 💔 (his parents, Donna, Víctor, Christine, TAO, Mordo, Peter Parker)

Speaking of Peter, he remembers he helped Spiderman to return his variants to their universes but he doesn't remember he is Peter :( so he decides to adopt the next teen he meets lol

We are past typical orange magic shields! I was getting bored and frustrated 🥴 THANKS for the magic 🪄✨ variations in this movie: turns water into red wine, the thing he did to see the monster, then some green magic not time stone related, also Defender Strange using white/blueish magic, Defender Stranger absorbing Américas power, the thing he did with some monster hands to remote control them and kill Gargantos, I love how he and Wong team up so coordinated. Sinister Strange purple's magic, also that Stephen and our Stephen using the darkhold magic (red), dreamwalking on his variant's dead body while also controlling the souls of the dammed to create a cloak and fly but also those looked like vampire wings ?! NEAT.

He's so extra 🤲🏼

Scarf cloakie!

Don't like the CGI of the third eye 👁️

838 Stephen's suit and cloak 🥵

"I love you in every universe" 😭💔

Would have loved to see him not only having dreams of another universes but nightmares about Dormammu/IW/Endgame

You remember the scene where he freaks out he killed a Kaecillius (Dormammu)'s zealot?! he said he was never taking a life again so I wanted to see him haunted by how he had to proceed the only way the could win but by letting Tony die, sure he didn't kill him but I think he feels guilty

Even if you don't ship Ironstrange c'mon he saw 14M possibilities of the IW/EG in his universe and even if every scenario lasted 5 minutes that's more than a lifetime of knowing Peter and Tony, you cannot convince me they didn't get to be at least very good awesome-facial-hair bros 💔 Tony's sacrifice hurt as much as casting the spell to forget Peter, and as much as losing Christine or Donna 😭

So I'm mad none of what he's done for the world is mentioned here :(

I love that he basically didn't care what Wanda did in Westview, he was like "yeah not here about Westview idc, honestly? would've done the same lol you're past that now you did the right thing by freeing those people ... but I do care someone's trying to kill my newly adopted child"

CLEA 💜 please step on me

"Face your fears Doctor Strange" / "Unless you're afraid" ✨ 100/10

[impalementation]

spike, angel, buffy & romanticism: part 3

part 1: “When you kiss me I want to die”: Angel and the high school seasons

part 2: “Love isn’t brains, children”: Enter Spike as the id

* 

“Something effulgent”: Season five and the construction of Spike the romantic

Prior to becoming a romantic interest, Spike is everything I discussed in the last section. He is an id and a mirror for Buffy, he’s prone to both romantic exaggeration and cutting realism, and his liminality suggests ambiguity. But outside of “Lovers Walk”, the writing doesn’t actually delve too deeply into Spike’s nature as a romantic. If you stopped the canon at “Restless”, you’d probably think that Spike’s love for Drusilla was intriguing, but that the show hadn’t really gone anywhere with the implications of it, and for all you knew, that might not be an important part of his character anymore. So one of the most interesting things about season five to me, is that in this season in which the writers first consciously, deliberately decide to explore the sexual and romantic tension between Spike and Buffy, they also emphasize Spike’s romanticism more than ever. The choice to define Spike by his romanticism is a choice that follows naturally from everything established about his character, but it was also not an inevitable choice. Therefore, it’s a choice worth looking at in some detail.

Consider everything that “Fool For Love” establishes about Spike, especially the things that contradict what was supposedly canon at the time. It makes Drusilla his sire instead of Angel, meaning that he is sired by a romantic connection, and as a direct result of heartbreak. It makes him a poet living in the middle of the Victorian era, an age at odds with his previous ages of “barely 200” and “126”. Meaning that the writing specifically decides to ignore its canon in order to associate him with an era in which passions would have been repressed (rather than the Romantic era of the early 1800’s or the modern energy of the early 1900’s). Moreover, the episode reveals his entire aesthetic and personality to essentially be a construct. But most tellingly of all, it reveals him to be an idealist. Spike is not just a performance artist; he yearns for the “effulgent”, for something “glowing and glistening” that the “vulgarians” of the world don’t understand. In other words, he yearns for something bigger and more beautiful than life: something romantic. Later, he chases after “death, glory, and sod all else.” Spike may be a “fool for love”, who has a romantic view of romantic love specifically, but the episode is very clear about the fact that he is also a romantic more generally. When Drusilla turns him, she doesn’t tempt him by telling him she’ll love him forever. She tempts him by offering him “something…effulgent”. (Which, in typical Spike form, the episode immediately undercuts by having him say “ow” instead of swooning romantically). The fact that “Fool For Love”, Spike’s major backstory episode, is so determined to paint him as a romantic--and in particular, a disappointed, frustrated romantic--that it is willing to contradict canon to do so, tells you that this choice was important for framing Spike and his new, ongoing thematic role.

I’ve talked in the past about how season five is all about the tension between the mythical and the mortal--between big, grand, sweeping narratives, and the reality of being human. Buffy is the Slayer, but she’s also just a girl who loses her mother. Dawn is the key, but she’s also just a confused and hormonal fourteen-year-old. Willow is a powerful witch, but she also just wants her girlfriend to be okay. Glory is a god, but she’s also a human man named Ben, and finds herself increasingly weakened by his emotions. And Spike embodies this tension perfectly. He’s a soulless vampire with a lifetime of bloodshed behind him, but he’s also this silly, human man who wants to love and be loved. He wants big, grand things, but every time they are frustrated by a Victorian society, a rejection, a chip, a pratfall, or dying with an “ow”. Furthermore, his season five storyline is all about the tension between loving in an exalted, yet often selfish way, versus loving in a “real” or selfless way. 

There was a fascinating piece a ways back that discussed how Spike’s attempts to woo Buffy in season five almost perfectly match the romantic narratives of Courtly Love. In the words of the author:

The term "Courtly Love" is used to describe a certain kind of relationship common in romantic medieval literature. The Knight/Lover finds himself desperately and piteously enamored of a divinely beautiful but unobtainable woman. After a period of distressed introspection, he offers himself as her faithful servant and goes forth to perform brave deeds in her honor. His desire to impress her and to be found worthy of her gradually transforms and ennobles him; his sufferings -- inner turmoil, doubts as to the lady's care of him, as well as physical travails -- ultimately lends him wisdom, patience, and virtue and his acts themselves worldly renown.

You can see for yourself how well that description fits Spike’s arc. He fixates on the torturous, abject nature of his love, and has it in his head that he can perform deeds and demonstrate virtue, and this will prove to Buffy that he is worthy of her. But despite Spike’s gradual ennobling over the course of the season, I think it would be a mistake to see the season as using the Courtly Love narrative uncritically, or even just ironically. The same way it would be a mistake to see season two as using the Gothic uncritically. Spike is as much Don Quixote as he is Lancelot. He is a character that deliberately tries to act out romantic tropes, giving the writing an opportunity to satirize those tropes, including the tropes of chivalric romance. In particular, the writing criticizes Spike’s (very chivalric) fixation on love as a personal agony, something that is more about pain--and specifically, his pain--than building a real relationship. Over and over in season five, he is forced to abandon these sorts of flattering romantic mindsets in favor of a more complicated reality. 

So at first, Spike’s “deeds” tend to be shallow and vaguely transactional. He tries to help Buffy in “Checkpoint” even though she doesn’t want it (and insults her when she doesn’t appreciate it), he asks “what the hell does it take?” when Buffy is unimpressed by him not feeding on “bleeding disaster victims” in “Triangle”, he rants bitterly at a mannequin when Buffy fails to be grateful to him for taking her to Riley in “Into the Woods”, and he is angry and confused when Buffy is unmoved by his offer to stake Drusilla in “Crush”. While these attempts to symbolically reject his evilness are startling for a soulless vampire, and although Spike certainly feels like he is fundamentally altering himself for Buffy’s sake, none of it is based on understanding or supporting Buffy in a way that she would actually find substantial. Moreover, he lashes out when his gestures fail to win her attention or affection. He has an idea in his head of how their romantic scenes should play out, and reacts petulantly when reality fails to live up to it. 

But these incidents of self-interested narrativizing are also continuously contrasted with scenes in which Spike reacts with real generosity, or is surprised when he realizes he’s touched something emotionally genuine. When Buffy seeks him out in “Checkpoint��, his mannerisms instantly change when he realizes she actually needs real help (“You’re the only one strong enough to protect them”), rather than the performed help he offered at the beginning of the episode. At the end of “Fool For Love” he’s struck dumb by Buffy’s grief, and his antagonistic posturing all evening melts away. He abandons his romantic vision of their erotic, life-and-death rivalry in favor of real, awkward emotional intimacy. In “Forever” he tries to anonymously leave flowers for Joyce, and reacts angrily when he’s denied—but this time not because he wanted something from Buffy. Simply because he wanted to do something meaningful. 

This contradictory behavior comes to a head in “Intervention”, the episode in which Spike finally begins to understand the difference between real and transactional generosity. Up until that point, Spike has been reacting both selfishly and unselfishly, but he hasn’t been able to truly distinguish between them, which is why he keeps repeating the same mistakes. Although he touches something real at the end of “Fool For Love”, for instance, he goes on to rifle through Buffy’s intimates in the very next episode. And so “Intervention” has Spike go to extremes of fakeness and reality. He gives up on having the real Buffy, and seeks out an artificial substitute that lets him live out his cheesiest romance novel scripts. It’s important that the Buffybot isn’t just a sexbot, even if he does have sex with her. She’s a bot he plays out romantic scenarios with the way he played them with Harmony in “Crush”, allowing him to almost literally live within a fiction. But then he “gives up” on having Buffy in a way that’s actually real, by offering up his life. He lets himself be tortured, and potentially killed, for no other reason than that to do otherwise would cause Buffy pain. The focus is on her pain, not his. For the first time, he acts like the Knight he’s been trying to be all along. He performs a grand, heroic deed that causes the object of his affection to see him in a different light, and even grant him a kiss. Yet ironically, as part of learning the difference between real and fake, he ceases to press for Buffy’s reciprocation. Through the end of season five, Spike continues to act the selfless Knight, assisting Buffy in her heroism without asking for anything in return. Which culminates in his declaration that he knows Buffy “will never love him”, even after he’s promised her the deed of protecting Dawn, and even though she allows a kind of intimacy by letting him back in her house. He proves that he sees those gestures for what they are, rather than in a transactional light. The irony of the way Spike fulfills the narrative of chivalric romance, is that his ennobling involves letting aspects of that narrative go. 

In a Courtly Love narrative, the object of the Knight’s affection is fundamentally pedestalized. The Knight himself might be flawed, but the woman he pines after is not. She is “divinely beautiful” and “unobtainable”, something above him and almost more than human. This is why it’s so comic that in Don Quixote, which was a direct satire of chivalric romance, Alonso Quixano’s “lady love” is a vulgar peasant farmgirl who has no idea who he is. (Think of the way Spike asks if Buffy is tough in “School Hard” or threatens to “take her apart” despite “how brilliant she is” in “The Initiative”, followed by scenes where Buffy is acting like the teenage girl she is. Or how Giles in “Checkpoint” says that Buffy has “acquired a remarkable focus” before cutting to Buffy yawning.). Although it’s true that Buffy is beautiful, and supernatural, and profoundly moral, she is also very human, and the writing is very concerned with that humanity. Season five in particular, as I’ve mentioned, is preoccupied with the duality of Buffy’s mythic and mortal nature. Thus it becomes significant that Buffy is assigned such a heightened role in Spike’s chivalric narrative. Just Spike is at once Lancelot and Don Quixote, Buffy is at once Achilles, Dulcinea, and a coming-of-age protagonist. 

And part of the “lesson” of Spike’s arc is for him to see both sides of the roles they embody. One of my favorite things about the scene in Buffy’s house in “The Gift” is how adroitly it conveys the dualities of both Buffy and Spike with simple, but poetic imagery and language. Buffy stands above Spike on her steps, conveying her elevated role, and Spike honors the way her heroic status has inspired him by physically looking up to her as he explains that he expects nothing from her. But by expecting nothing from her, and promising to protect her sister, he also honors the fact that she is a real person with no obligation to him, and a younger sister she cares about more than anything. He also honors his own duality by at once making Knightly promises, and acknowledging that he sees through his former delusions: “I know that I’m a monster, but you treat me like a man.” In “Fool For Love” he tried to acknowledge the same duality of realism and romance, by declaring to Cecily that “I know I’m a bad poet, but I’m a good man.” But at the time, he was an innocent, whose desire to be seen, and whose romantic avoidance of “dark, ugly things”, left him unprepared to understand how Cecily really saw him (similar to Spike’s insistence in “Crush” that what he and Buffy have “isn’t pretty, but it’s real” just before Buffy locks him out). Spike is a character defined simultaneously by continuous disillusionment and dogged aspiration, which is why he makes perfect sense as a character to embody a season torn between the pain of being human, and the wonder of the gift of love.

Fittingly, the season ends with Spike’s most devastating loss of innocence of all. He fails to be the hero for Buffy or Dawn (note that Knightly language he uses on the tower: “I made a promise to a lady”), and he loses the woman he loves. He may have become more virtuous, but unlike in a chivalric romance, that virtue wins him neither Buffy, nor something flattering like “world reknown.” The climax of the “The Gift” is full of romance—a god, a troll hammer, a damsel on a tower, a heroic self-sacrifice, a vampire transformed into a Knight—but the end result is that Buffy is dead, in part because he wasn’t good enough, and all that he and the Scoobies can do is grieve. Stories got Spike nothing, even when reality finally lived up to them. It is a swan song to the myths of childhood, and on the other side of Glory’s portal, Spike and the other characters will have to confront a world where those myths have been left behind.

part 4: “But I can’t fool myself. Or Spike, for some reason.”: Buffy and Spike as a blended self

[ava-of-shenanigans]

Hey, I saw you deleted your comments off my post about Seward and I just wanted to let you know that I did value and appreciate your input.

I know I didn’t reply but to be completely honest I was in the car on a road trip irl and really tired and couldn’t figure out how to respond to something so clearly heartfelt and thought-out. My body wanted me to just write “k thx 👍” and be done but I knew in my brain that it deserved a thoughtful reply and so I decided to wait until I had more energy.

But then I went to reply just now and ✨lo and behold✨ it was gone. So I just wanted to let you know you’re not cringe, (in case that’s why you did it, I know there’s other reasons you might have) and to reply to you now (which is actually better since asks don’t have a character limit and I’m incapable of saying things concisely.)

Medical malpractice, especially in psych, is a huge and horrible problem that is bigger than any one person (or fictional character) and I’m really, really sorry that it happened to you. I’ve been incredibly lucky to have had nothing but positive experiences in my trips in and out of the psych system. But I’m rich and I’m white and my mom is a doctor and I know that my experiences are not the majority.

I want you to know that I don’t respect Seward as a character, and I don’t think he’s kind, and I don’t condone his actions. I think you’re right in saying that he’s not like “prevented from being the good kind cinnamon roll that he really is” by his contemporaries, and that he’d be a morally gray character in any context.

But at the same time, I personally really relate to him. (I think that was evident enough from my original post lol.) I relate to feeling like you’re broken, and going to lengths to clinically understand yourself. I relate to feeling like you must be mad. I relate to feeling like there’s something wrong with you that nobody can see, and wanting them so badly to see it but at the same time never wanting anyone to know. I relate to being put in positions of power, to being “gifted,” to being “attractive,” and to feeling like you’re not the right person to be doing this.

I even relate to the bad parts of him - the low empathy, the way he takes out his disappointment about Lucy’s proposal out by intentionally inducing distress in Renfield, and then writing so clinically about it later. I fear and hate those parts of myself, and reading about Seward doesn’t make me more likely to indulge them. On the contrary, it makes me look at them more critically. It makes me say, “oh look, I’m not uniquely horrible for having this thing inside of me. There are other people like me, and here’s an example of what not to do about it.” If I were to continue to bury it and beat myself up about it in secret, it would be a lot easier and feel a lot better when I get the opportunity to let it out. But knowing that I’m not alone holds me accountable.

And yet I don’t want that projection to be a rose-tinted lens. I did think that Seward was…a lot kinder than he evidently turns out to be. And that’s because, (to be completely objective godIhatesayinggoodthingsaboutmyself,) I’m a fairly kind person, and I relate to his position being in authority over people he knows he’s not that different from. But I try to be critical of myself while still liking myself, and that absolutely carries over into how I read books.

I understand not being able to like Seward because of personal trauma. But I want you to know that I’m not trying to undermine what Renfield and you and everyone who’s gone through medical abuse at the hands of someone like Seward has experienced just because I like the man and I think he’s autistic. He sucks and I’m extremely critical of him and I cannot WAIT to cyberbully the everliving shit out of him, and I’m grateful to you for letting me know that he’s not as good as I thought he was. I have trouble changing my internalized perceptions even in the face of evidence, and otherwise I might have been as convinced of his kindness as he evidently is that vampires aren’t real.

Along that vein, it does sounds like he gets worse. But it also sounds like I’m only going to relate to him more.

I don’t think there’s more I can say without rambling or repeating myself, but thank you for letting me know about the “mad doctor” notes and the trope subversion. I’ve tried writing this sentence several times with some bullshit about how it’s going to “enhance my reading experience” or “deepen my understanding” but the truth is that nothing can convey my feelings on the matter better than the following:

👀👀👀 HEWWO??? 😳😳😳 sLURPSLURP 😋😋😋😋 *rubs my little handses together* OOOHOHOHO CANNOT W A I T heehehehehe thankyou thankyou >:) EXCITED!!!!

Anyway. Sorry for writing a fucking essay. And for being generally pretentious, and if it’s genuinely morally wrong for me to like a character who represents something so shitty about the real world. But!!! Now I have more to be embarrassed about for putting this in your inbox than you do for putting your thoughts in my comments!!! And genuinely, I love reading and literature and literary analysis so if you answer this with something equally wrong guarantee I will read and enjoy it.

So Um. Ya.

Yeah thank you for this!

A lot of the discussion I have with people online feel like complete miscommunications where I feel like I’m not coming across clearly and like I’m misinterpreting/misunderstanding what the other person is saying somehow, so this was really nice.

/gen

[crystalelemental]

Sync Grid Analysis - Liza, Drake, Noland, and Expansions

Oh my god, Liza, what did they do to you?

Here are the things Liza got that actually matter: Syncho Healing, Healthy Healing, Natural Remedy, Quick Cure, MPRs.  Sure, she got On a Roll 2 on Psychic, so have fun with that 30% chance, and Furious Brain for...some reason?  Oh, and Ground Guard.  That’ll help.  Look, the healing is nice, but Gradual Healing can often be insufficient for a frontline support that needs to tank but isn’t tanky.  You know.  Like Liza isn’t.  Her HP pool isn’t even that big, she’s not gaining a ton of HP back per action.  Syncho Healing would be great, if nothing else, as long as she had EX and a reason to take sync.  But no, that went to Drake.  So it kinda just sits there.  Natural Remedy and Quick Cure are the dream combo for status problems, so I’ll grant benefit there.  But like...the benefit of a support is meant to be one-gauge spam, especially since Liza didn’t get the ability to buff speed.  Why tech into her spamming a 3-gauge move?  It’s not going to do anything.  I know this is harsh, but this turned out notably worse than Roxanne.  The healing is something, but Gradual Healing is not enough for her to really sustain.  I legitimately think Endure was a better effect, to at least guarantee three actions in CS to actually cap stats.  Liza’s just as likely as ever to drop in two moves.  To say nothing of Roxanne getting a fourth stat to buff, while Liza remains at only 3.  I hate to say it.  But I’m having some trouble with this.  Granted, she was Roxanne tier to begin with, she won’t be bad, but this is very much not a good grid.

Noland got Inertia, Berserker on X Atk, and Adrenaline.  Congrats, you got what you needed.  They also gave him critical eye on trainer move.  So that’s some nice self-sufficiency.  Oh, and Defense Crush 2, and Staggering 1.  Those are weird but nice I guess.  Noland’s fine.  He’s got Bugsy and Kahili syndrome.  Moves are terrible, sync can be really good, but he didn’t get EX so you have to suffer through that.

Drake got his EX.  Okay, sure, fine.  Coulda been Liza, but fine.  Stalwart and Unbending are nice defensive tools for Gauntlet.  Hostile Environment is a good paralysis rate.  Sync Regen is...fine.  Lithe is actually great anti-Cresselia tech, like that one.  Quick Tempo isn’t bad given how slow he is.  And...Team Sharp Entry.  Sure.  Give him Team Sharp Entry, but don’t let Liza have nice things.  Yes I am bitter.  Yet despite that bitterness, I feel like Drake’s pretty firmly in “fine but not great” territory.  He has to consume sync to get any healing, so his major issue isn’t really solved.  That said...EX Support.  This is pretty huge.  So there’s reason to use it.  Unlike Liza’s Synchro Healing.  God I’m so bitter.

Zinnia gets a slight grid expansion with her mega evolution, because fairness.  It involves two more sync damage nodes, because they know the unending disaster that is her move choices.  No immunity to debuffs means Dauntless Draco Meteor still required.  I don’t think it’ll do that much, but hey, go for it.  Wait.  Wait, no way.  Oh my god.  They nerfed her sync damage!  It’s 250 now!  They nerfed her sync damage for getting mega evolution, but didn’t nerf Giovanni’s.  Holy shit they must absolutely hate her.  Oh but they gave her new passives!  On entry, she resets stat debuffs, so this officially makes her Trainer Move REALLY GOOD, which is a huge relief.  And...MGR2.  Sure.  Fine.

Now the big one.  I called it, Cynthia is the first recipient of sync grid expansions.  And it’s...fine.  I’ll admit, maybe I expected too much, but it’s...it’s not my favorite.  Look, Cynthia was an Anni Steven type, and that’s fine.  Her big money was in Earthquake damage rather than sync damage, and in the era of Gauntlet, I think that’s frankly a good trade.  Cynthia’s problem isn’t lack of power for CS.  I mean, it kinda was, but the bigger hurdle was that she’s just kind of terrible in Gauntlet.  Her sync doesn’t do much of anything, and her move damage is only alright, and requires Sandstorm, which doesn’t last long enough in that drawn out fight.  With that in mind, what Cynthia really needed was either a means of helping to provide her own Sandstorm, or offensive power that matters a lot and isn’t Sandstorm dependent.  And what did they give her?

Fierce Entry 1, literally worthless.  Superduper Effective 5, which may as well be worthless for what she really needed, since there are no Gauntlet stages weak to Ground, but there is Cresselia who’s effectively immune, so...that’ll help.  Haymaker and Sand Blaster 5 are a means of drastically increasing her sync damage.  Which isn’t really what she wanted.  It’s fine, it’s a nice 150% buff to that damage.  But her sync was laughably bad, and I don’t think suddenly shifting gears to focus on it was a good call.  I’d also like to point out that her energy cost is 11.  Cynthia’s grid, assuming you want Ramming Speed and Surging Sand 3 for move damage, can get you that 11 energy...but you miss three of her four sync damage tiles.  This kind of upgrade?  It requires a complete overhaul of her kit.  You effectively need to give up the extra Surging Sand 3 to really conserve enough energy to make the sync nuke full power.  Which, sadly, means giving up the more synergistic tile.  Ramming Speed is great without Sand, I will definitely grant that as a boon.  But it also means in teambuilding, you need to be on top of your game, because either you use a Sandstorm early just so she can buff herself, or you’re packing a teammate who handles the needed speed buffs fast enough for it to matter.  And to be brutally honest?  I don’t think Ingo does.  +1 speed each time he attacks only under Sandstorm is incredibly slow ramping for a needed move damage multiplier.

I will be the first to say perhaps I expected too much.  But this is...really tame for a first attempt, and it’s going to come back to bite her.  I feel like it won’t be long before better expansions come out, and Cynthia once again starts to feel underwhelming, only for it to be too late to really do anything about it.

[bigskydreaming]

And another thing, he said as if its ever just ONE more thing, hahahaha look, fuck you numbers, I’m not about to be limited by the likes of YOU.

Anyway.

Anyone else think its kinda weird that in all the many years of “Dick not so secretly resented Jason because Bruce adopted him and made him Robin and that’s why they were never close” fics.......there seem to be a big whopping zero that take the fix-it approach: 

“What if Bruce had been aware of the tension between the two because he’s not actually a Dumb Dumb McStupidhead and thought to himself, gee, if only there was something I, the parent, had the power to do about this resentment from one brother based on something I, the parent, did for the other brother who never did anything because he is not the parent and also he did nothing wrong? What if given that I and my actions are the actual problem here, I, the parent, he who holdeth both the actual power in this family as the parent and the power as the problem-causer, to address the problem.....like what if I got off my ‘matches with Batman’ butt and.....did...something? About it?”

Like.....oh I don’t know, just spitballing here....maybe explaining to Jason just what it was Dick was resentful about when it came to Robin and that Jason wasn’t the one Dick was actually mad at, which more than likely would have prompted the extremely empathetic at this age Jason to take Dick’s side and be like wtf, you gotta fix this B. 

Or maybe like, going to Dick and expressing how sorry he is that he didn’t consider how Dick would feel about any of this and that he’s let it go unaddressed for so long since then, which more than likely would have NOT resulted in Dick continuing to hold a grudge against an innocent third party but rather be like thank you this is literally all I ever wanted, a fucking acknowledgment that you’d hurt me and that my being hurt mattered to you? 

Or if the problem is more Dick being resentful that Bruce adopted Jason and not him, maybe Bruce explaining this to Jason and that Jason wasn’t the one Dick was actually mad at, which again, more than likely would have prompted the extremely empathetic Jason to go umm, wtf are you talking to me about this for then, if you think he’s upset about that why the fuck aren’t you going to talk to him about it and tell him all this stuff about regretting not adopting him before now and sparing him this hurt instead? Like what are you waiting for old man, your fucking helicopter to come pick you up? NOW. Go NOW. You’re not getting any younger, geez Louise, why are old people so dumb.

Or maybe like.....Bruce going to Dick and expressing how sorry he is that he didn’t consider how Dick would feel about.....look, you see where I’m going with this, right? You get it? Its not actually all that tricky to grasp?

Or hell, maybe even just in a fic where Jason nurses his own resentment over the fact that he’s heard so much about Dick and looked forward to meeting him and yet months and months go by since Jason’s adoption and in all that time his alleged big brother apparently can’t even be bothered to come introduce himself, RIP Jason’s feelings, guess he can’t possibly matter all that much to the guy, way to welcome him to the family......

I mean, its not like THAT thought neeeeeeever comes up in fic, so its like, hmmm, counterpoint, but where are all the fics that take the angle of rather than let Jason think he doesn’t matter to his predecessor and let Dick take all the blame for this impression when there’s LITERALLY nothing Dick could do about it since he found out about Jason from the freaking newspaper months after the adoption and only after Jason debuted as Robin.....maybe Bruce, could again, just like....start a conversation. And be like Jason I seem to have inadvertently given you the wrong impression here, but trust me, Dick not coming to meet you before now had nothing whatsoever to do with you and was purely because I never actually told him about you.

Again, cut to Jason, the actual brains of the family at this point in time, staring at Bruce with his mouth hanging open:

“Wait, so you’re telling me that after the two of you had this big fight and you haven’t seen him in like eighteen months, AND after his eighteenth birthday came and went without you bothering to even call him and let him know you still wanted him in your life despite him no longer legally being your ward, AND after you went and took me in and adopted me......you never at any point picked up the phone and said hey kid that I raised and consider family and still want to be part of my family no matter how long its been since we talked......I just thought you should know, given that we’re still family and all, that our family is now bigger, because that’s information that is kinda key to give to people you consider family, as NOT keeping them in that loop could kinda sorta maaaaaaybe give them the impression that you DON’T think of them that way or else you would have thought this was relevant information for them to have?”

Bruce: I’m not sure I see where you’re going with this.

Jason: How are you this dumb. No but seriously. HOW. 

Anywho, cut to me, twiddling my thumbs here all super casual like.....

But HMMM, isn’t it WEIRD how fandom, which is totally better than canon, and definitely does not have patience for that unnecessary family angst porn DC is so obsessed with and just wants these goshdarn idiots to be a FAMILY, like......neeeeeeeeever utilizes the transformative power of fanfic and their much more reliable takes on Good Parent Bruce Wayne to like....have Bruce....do something about the problems between past Dick and Jason? In any of these fics? And instead has him just....let the opportunities to make things better for them, AND HIMSELF in the process, just like.....sail away into the rear view mirror, waving a hand at them as they pass, content to let things fester and worsen until cut to after Jason’s return, like.....oh gee, really wish something could have been done about the relationship between Dick and Jason way back when, maybe Jason could have benefited from another close relationship in his life then and maybe Dick might not be as bad off now if he wasn’t burdened with unnecessary guilt over having had human emotions when he was a teenager?

So so SO weird that this angle never comes up or gets tackled in ANY fics that emphasize Dick’s alleged history of being an asshole to Jason and the reason they were never close or barely knew each other. I mean, its such an EASY and OBVIOUS fix to all that, don’t you think?

Unless, of course.....in the fics that make an emphasis of this fandom created dynamic.....its not actually considered a problem to fix at all.

But rather, this manufactured dynamic IS the fix, to what they see as the ACTUAL problem......any kind of real or explored focus on what Bruce actually DID and didn’t do, that caused the resentment they’re all too happy to show Dick nursing, but seem keeeeeeeeenly deft in avoiding any exploration of him FEELING. Except of course when it comes to a reason for him to feel even guiltier BECAUSE of it.

Its almost like we would have had a ton more variety in how fics depict the early years between Dick and Jason, perks of this oh so easily arrived at fix-it angle.....unless those fics were always doing exactly what they intended by keeping every one in the comments sections so busy commenting on what a jerk Dick was in that chapter or in the older events that chapter mentioned, that they just so happen to never really spend much time considering Bruce’s inciting choices back then to be AS worthy of comment or criticism.

Idk you guys, I just happen to find it kinda hilar in that ‘what a weird coeenkeedink kinda way’ that so many of the things a lot of fandom are EXTREMELY loud about holding against Dick (whether Dick did or not actually do those things in the first place)....just so happen to be the very things that most of these same people REFUSE to ever hold Bruce accountable for, or admit that he actually did.

Y’know, like how Bruce never actually fired Dick as Robin, that was just a retcon (when there’s literally been more versions of events where Dick WAS fired than WASN’T at this point).....but meanwhile, Dick very much definitely did FIRE Tim, that was exactly how that went down.

Or how similarly, Bruce neeeeeever actually kicked Dick out, let alone made him give back his keys, but Dick DEFINITELY kicked Tim out of house and Gotham.....even though Dick literally did none of that and in fact was living at the penthouse the whole time he was Batman, meaning Wayne Manor was perfectly available to be Tim’s home base the whole time, if he’d wanted it. 

Or how Bruce has never lifted a finger at his eldest, or thrown any kind of a temper tantrum, because he is a good person who would obviously never ever do that, BUT if the son he spent the longest time raising just so HAPPENS to end up with a reputation of having a hair-trigger temper, going off at the drop of a hat, blowing things all out of proportion and lashing out physically whenever he’s overwhelmed emotionally.....well, that certainly has nothing to do with Bruce or anything he’s ever done, lol why would it, BUT its definitely something that needs to be commented on time and time again because it very much did happen all these times in canon, whereas all these times you’re talking about with Bruce are very clearly out of character writing because see, Bruce just isn’t like that, uh doy.

Or how Bruce definitely wasn’t being problematic as hell when it came to his non-interactions with Dick back when Jason was living with him, but Dick’s non-interactions with Jason are 10000x more worthy of comment and criticism. And Dick’s responsibilities towards the emotional wellbeing of the kid he didn’t pick to be his family and wasn’t even actually legally family with at the time, let alone actually obligated to, are definitely the same as Bruce’s responsibilities to the emotional wellbeing of both the kids he did actually pick to be his family and did actually make obligations to. Thus the one is definitely more deserving of a call-out post than the other....wait, what? Dammit, I was SURE my math checked out on that one this time. Well fuck a duck, now I am THOROUGHLY flummoxed by all this.

Yup.....

Just really funny in that lmao ‘actually not at all sorta’ way, how its the extremely PRECISE things that so many fans absolutely REFUSE to acknowledge Bruce ever doing, that they just can’t help but ‘expose’ as a mere retcon, bad writing, ooc behavior, writers just ‘not getting who Bruce Wayne is,’ etc, etc, whenever it does get brought up by other people....

It just so happens to be these very specific things that come up time and time again as the things people just WILL NOT LET GO when it comes to Dick doing them.....even when.....in most cases he didn’t even actually do them! Not because they were ‘mere retcons’ or just ‘bad writing’ or ‘ooc behavior’ or ‘writers just not getting who Dick Grayson is’....but because they literally. Did not. Happen. Until fandom for some reason - ‘despite’ HATING canon for having Bruce do THESE VERY SAME THINGS - put their own interpretative or transformative spin on things and MADE those things happen in such huge numbers that a lot of new fans coming into fandom by way of fics honestly believe that THESE are the canon moments and its the ones attributed to Bruce that are just fans of other characters having their sour grapes moments.

I mean....

You gotta laugh.

Anyway. So I mean, unless I’m just totally reading the room wrong, I’d have to hazard a guess that the only real reason we NEVER see fics addressing things the way I outlined in my earliest examples at the start of this post.....is that a whole lot of fandom just kinda decided over the years that it was just waaaaaay easier to just redirect peoples’ ire at other characters, away from Bruce, than it was to go to the trouble of like....actually ADDRESSING Bruce’s pesky little canon mistakes.

Cuz see....writing a happier, more united Batfam in the years before Jason’s death is only a fix-it fic if the problem you’re fixing is the family’s relationships.....and not ‘Bruce acknowledging - let alone taking ownership of - his mistakes.’ If the latter is the REAL problem, well a more ‘together’ family isn’t something you actually need at all....you just need someone else to pin its divisiness on.

But I digress.

Aaaaaanyway.....now standard stock disclaimer that as I’ve always always always said....I don’t actually hate Bruce nor do I have anything whatsoever against Good Dad Bruce.....my issues are always just with peoples’ approach to his canon mistakes or poor writing being to double down on the problem but just make it someone else’s. And that one little thing where the Smartest Man In The World can come up with a way to fight Doomsday with a paper clip and some chewing gum, but goshdarnnit if he’s not completely helpless and powerless when it comes to fixing his own mistakes or interceding in his childrens’ emotional problems. 

(As in by just y’know, parenting them. Sitting them down for a conversation. No, bugging their apartments and calling that his love language doesn’t count.)

Also, an Honorable Mention Pet Peeve goes out to all the fans who love to dismiss Dick Grayson stans raising this issue because ‘this sort of thing happens with all the characters’ when lololololol, no, it really actually does not. Given the weeeeeeeird similarities and parallels in the very specific things we tend to gripe about Bruce doing in canon and others tend to gripe about Dick doing in fanon, like, I’d actually think some of you would be a bit more empathetic about how much it sucks seeing your fave character condemned for stuff like this, given the lengths you go to when avoiding acknowledging Bruce doing it. But then again, that would defeat the point of attributing all that to a Bruce scapegoat instead of a Bruce in the first place, so I mean, I guess not actually.

But whatevs. I guess I’m just not able to grasp the nuances of how people criticizing or even fixating on some of Bruce’s worse actions in canon gains the ire of fans who are like, I am just here rolling my eyes at you guys for being so addicted to your shitty misery porn that you like, just loooooove going with the takes where Bruce is just the worst person ever and a totally shitty dad....

While meanwhile.....many of those exact same fans.....

Two seconds later: Now if you don’t mind, we have to get back to making up scenarios and bad faith interpretations that paint Dick as being just the worst person ever and a totally shitty brother or son. But in a not-that-we’re-addicted-to-shitty-misery-porn kinda way or whatever, because we’re obvs SO not, that’s YOU guys, this is totally different. We don’t LIKE doing this, we’re only doing it because we HAVE to. It has nothing to do with us not actually minding the writing or the content of what’s being written whatsoever, we just don’t like that it makes Bruce look bad, and as long as you keep fixating on how it makes Bruce look like, duh, what other choice do we have but to make someone else look worse instead? When you think about it, this is all your fault, really.

Anyway. You just gotta love the takeaway.

Us: Griping about something Bruce does in canon and how the writers portrayed it and any resulting followup.

Others in Fandom: manufactures a parallel scenario with Bad Brother/Son Dick Grayson out of a single out of context panel, tinfoil and some dental floss.

Fandom: These two situations are the same.

Us: Okay but see they’re really fucking not tho, is the thing....

[drabbles-of-writing]

Reverse Au! Dump

Don’t mind my idea dumping here. Brain decided to have fun while I was at work and I have too many wips as it is, so… Thought I’d ask before I dumped, experience. Used morningmark’s comics as a base, so if you want reference. Now this isn’t all that well compiled, but here it goes.

~

Magic in the Other World is varied as it is crazy. So many styles over the generations and not a lot of organization. There are some that try to categorize it all, but that works as well as you’d expect. Some were lost, some erased, some weren’t passed down/recorded because “the power is all mine! Ahahaha!” It took a lot of time and collaboration, but eventually a sort of system was installed to help out. Still a lot of work to do, but its a step forward. Nowadays the term Wild Magic is generally reserved for those that aren’t all that well documented and understood.

Some Magics are very powerful and desirable, but also tend to be very high risk/high reward, kinda pass/fail, pretty literally Do or Die most times. So not a lot of people can use those or are even willing to. Story says this one guy named Odin hung himself on a massive tree by his own spear for nine days, no food water or rest in constant pain before he could unlock the secret of Runes. But it’s also said he gouged out his own eye to drink from the Well of Wisdom so… 

There are lots of different ways to channel magic too: wands, staves, jewelry, certain gems, familiars, potions, enchanted armaments, chants, scripts, etc. Each tool has its own advantages and disadvantages and play into a Witches’ style. Every Witch has at least two methods of spellcasting. Only children have one. Haven’t thought of how Luz gets her Palisman though. Maybe its one of those magic Artifacts like Dr. Strange’s cloak, Elder Wand, Thor’s hammer, or a Green Lantern’s Ring. Something that can’t be recreated because the secret is lost, materials no longer exist, too hard/dangerous to make, accident that can’t be recreated, etc. Happens more often than people like.

Camilla is sometimes called the Blue Witch. She’s a healer by heart and trade, but push her and she will become a one Witch Battleship. Bismark who? Aaaaand she just deleted a whole battalion. And the fortress behind them. Hide me. There are the very rare occasions, like count on one hand rare, when someone near and dear to her heart is in trouble that she takes up her other job. She’s especially terrifying when she decides to torture, those who know how to heal the body know best how to break it. Many shades of Blue, some are very close to Black. She doesn’t necessarily hate Humans exactly, but doesn’t have the highest of regard from past experiences.

Luz has training and is a proficient Witch for her age. Camilla and her father were adamant about having a general knowledge/skillset alongside her specialized skill. Jack of all trades and a master of none, still better than a master of one. She has gone through the system for her magic with varying success. Oracle magic? Zero talent. Bard classes? She can play an instrument, but can’t sing at the same time. When she does sing she tires too hard and messes up. It’s only when she doesn’t try, like absently singing along with a song or playing by her heart, that she’s good at it. Beasts? Can use them, but would rather play with them. Bleeding heart and all that. She does have a good handle on healing magic partly due to Camilla drilling necessary skills into her and partly osmosis. Her father arranged for some CQC lessons from an old friend of his which the girl loved. You get the idea. It wasn’t until she discovered Glyphs that she found her niche and her skills took off. Glyphs are one of those ‘eccentric’ or 'archaic’ styles since they haven’t been used in so long after being lost and are barely understood. She still has a long way to go, but she is on her way.

Luz never really had much in the way of friends, partly cuz of high profile parents which leads to certain pressures and a target on her head, partly because of her magic style and personality, and partly because of the trouble been going on. Luz grew up her whole life with this tension of a group of anarchists trying to burn society that’s just trying to do the right thing. The anarchists started small, but have been a growing problem the past few decades with talk how to 'reshape the world’ in not a good way. Anyone with critical thinking skills can tell this is a bad idea, but they are too brainwashed to notice. They harass anyone who doesn’t follow their rhetoric and attack anyone who even questions them. Luz’s parents put a real kink in a lot of their plans for years, which makes Luz guilty by association. 

Luz got caught in one of those sudden larger scuffles and was accidentally chucked/blown through a portal created by an attempted tactical retreat that went off course. Hence why she can’t go home because she hasn’t learned how to do portals yet. Those are high level anyway so how did these guys pull it off so easily? Luz has a hard time blending in obviously. Learning how to use a phone was a fun endeavor. Internet was a trip. Luz is amazed how these people can do all this cool stuff without magic. Keep a low profile sure, she can pass off as a weird out of town kid. Keep the beanie on, underperform in gym and stuff because some things don’t change, like genetics. Someone sharp eyed will see discrepancies. The Beanie has a small Glamor spell built in that covers her witchy traits but she forgot the ears which is why it sits like it does. Luz can erase memories in case she has an accident, but it’s less of a 'remove my face from this picture with a scalpel’, and more of a 'lemme just hack off the past hour or three from your brain with an axe.’ If she tries to take any more then she starts burning into some more dangerous territory and those Wiped are groggy and disoriented for a while after already. Then the magic attacks start happening and her heroic instinct/anti-bystander complex kicks in and there goes that. It runs in the family so Camilla isn’t surprised in the slightest when she finds out.

“Oh titan, why did you curse me with another me?” “I’m right here Mami!”

Eda has a shack very akin to Grunkle Stan. Lots of junk that Lilith can’t believe that people are dumb enough to buy. She’s also involved in some not so legal dealings on the side. Well, Eda isn’t actually hurting anybody and the tax dollars she should be paying would only go towards some politicians’ next yacht or another pointless overseas 'investment’ instead of where it’s supposed to go so. Eda does give some good intel on occasion and a place to vent so Lillith overlooks her. Lil’s more of the secret police for witches and a petty crook isn’t part of her job anyway. Eda understands Luz’s predicament and is willing to help. The cover story is that Camilla work in hospitals and has to work crazy hours while her dad passed away so is living with Eda for a while. King is that kind of critter that grew up weird and acts like ten different animals all the time.

Gus is the nerdy kid who infodumps on everybody, even if they’re not listening. Loves anything fantasy/sci-fi related and plays Minecraft too. A good kid at heart, but needs some social skills. Keep him away from anything more sugary than tea. Luz learned a lot listening to him. Not all of it is entirely useful, but still. Some of his ramblings give her some good ideas for magic and stuff, like putting Glyphs on cards.

The Blights are the cool rich kids obviously, and have some discipline and social issues. Big family name makes them intimidating for normies and a meal ticket for the unsavory. These kids need real friends. They decided to act out to get some attention from the parents who then decided to ignore them. “If you’re going to act like a child tantrum, get treated like one.” Ed is perfect for Drama classes, if he were allowed to partake. Can’t decide what Em is great at, hacking perhaps? Amity’s car is an inheritance from the only family to treat her as such Twins aside, even if she’s too young to remember it. She only remembers that she has feelings surrounding the car. All three of them were pretty impressed with Luz for standing up to them, calling them out on their shit, and not giving a crap about their family name. Being treated like a normal person is pretty weird. Can we get her to do that again?

Amity tried dating Boscha once, didn’t work out very well. Boscha is still hurting over Amity’s comment of “I’d rather go date the new weird kid (Luz) than go back to you.” It’s one of the reasons she goes after Luz. She has that kind of Bud personality from Spider Man, feels lesser and so acts out so much. 

“Wow, this new Witch is amazing. Not as cool as the original Witch.”

“What is it with the Witch with you?”

“Oh, she’s a hero. Looks out for the city and the little guy. She inspires me. Makes me want to be a bigger person. *sees Luz* What’s up Luz-er?”

~

And that’s what I got right now. I know there was more, but it’s lost to the void right now. Might come back later, maybe not. Lemme know what you think.

............

DAMN you weren’t lying when you said you had an info-dump this is *chefs kiss* you got me intrigued now

[marvelfic-writer]

Chapter 1 - Don’t let them see through

*This is my first fic, criticism is welcomed! :)

1k+

You had told the team you were going on a weekend getaway, which in all fairness you needed after the last mission - You were about to save Nat from Hydra agents and you got stabbed, and almost bled to death in the arms of the woman you love the most. You needed time to heal and regain your composure, which in the meantime Hydra used that against you and kidnapped you before you could even step foot into the beach house Tony rented out for you for the weekend.

You woke up to complete darkness and the smell of burlap, and they proved your suspicions when they jerked the sack off your head. You observed at least 4 men in front of you and 3 behind, guns drawn ready to shoot if you tried anything.

You took in the room and saw the big red Hydra symbol plastered on the wall, you smirked and looked at the man you knew was in charge, “That is literally the worst paint job I have ever seen, you think with all the money y’all have you could get a better painter” You laughed under your breath when you saw the spark grow a little bigger behind his eyes, which you regretted as soon as they snapped your head back, having a tight hold on your hair. You saw the main agent grab a knife off the table and got so close to you that you could smell the coffee in his hot breath, “I am in control here, and I do not like sarcasm. One more “joke” and I will cut into you and make you bleed a slow, painful death” You felt a small twinge of fear, but didnt want to show it so you just clenched your jaw and nodded.

When he was content with your compliance, he patted your cheek. “Time to start T7162” With that he left the room and felt hands on your shoulders bringing you down so you laid with your back flat against the chair.

They put something resembling a helmet on you, you tried to squirm but the harder you resisted, the harder they pushed on your ribs. Once they got the helmet on, they tightened your restraints and backed away and before you could figure out why, a burst of electricity flowed through your body. You tried to hide the agony of the pain, but after the 5th time you could only hold so much in. You felt your body growing weaker and your memories were fading, a whole year of memories with each surge.

Once you were obedient enough, they stabbed a syringe in your neck and you blacked out. When you woke up you had no recollection of the last 7 years as you sat in front of a metal table, restrained to the floor so you couldn’t get away.

They slid a manilla folder in front of you and the agent tapped his finger on the folder - all while holding back laughter “ You are going on a mission as our first brainwashed avenger, this experiment was the beginning of our total control of S.H.I.E.L.D and all that it stands for.” He slid back in his chair and pushed the folder towards you, bobbing his head as a sign for you to open it. “ We will tell you how to act, your relationship with each member, and what you must do.” You slowly reached your shackled hands to the folder, opening it to reveal a picture of the so-called “Avengers”. “ You are, excuse me, were, important to them, so you already have their trust, it’s up to you to act like the old y/n normally would and complete the mission”

You nodded as you flipped through the sensitive information of the team, but once you reached a certain picture, your breath hitched and your heartbeat raised a few beats when you laid your eyes on the folder titled “The Black Widow”, but for the life of you could not form a coherent sentence to figure out why.

You saw the red sunburnt hair; how the few wisps of hair framed her beautiful face, allowing for the green emerald eyes to be the main focal point. For the slightest second you felt a sense of warmness turn over in your stomach, but you snapped back to reality when the agent slammed his fist on the table, stood up and walked over to you with a taser.

Once you regain your composure, the agent continued, “You are to study these files and find their strengths and weaknesses over these next few hours, and by tomorrow morning you will be back at the compound to complete your mission” The agent's voice was like styrofoam rubbing together and it made you physically shudder and it felt like your brain was melting, but you nodded in compliance feeling a smidge of guilt, but unsure why you were feeling it.

Although the scent of baked sugar cookies and lavender makes your mind go fuzzy, you shake your head from the comforting smell and get back to what you were here to do. As you were making your way to Natasha’s room, following the map they made you memorize, you ran straight into someone and his broad chest made you stumble back, but you quickly regained your straight posture and looked up to see a warm smile plastered across his face. All you could smell was the aftershave and cologne which again, made your brain foggy, but you were quickly grabbed from your thoughts by his strong voice. “Hey y/n, I didn’t know you were back yet! How was your getaway?” You only recognized the face from the folder, this is Captain America. When you didn’t answer the peppy way you would, rambling on and on about the details of your trip, Steve slightly raised his eyebrows in a silent way of reassuring you that it was okay to speak. Once you went through the information stored in your brain - Super Soldier… Shield… Hand to hand Combat... you started pulling stuff from your ass. “Oh it was delightful, the beach has always been my safe place so it was good to get my bearings!” You sounded like a totally different person than your mind was thinking you were, but you knew that if you could win the Captain over, your mission would be a breeze. He studied you for a minute, narrowing his eyes and slightly cocking his head to the side, “Okay, well, I’m glad your trip was refreshing and I’m glad you're back” With a pat on the back, you headed on your way, trying to remember the map as the meeting with Steve made you lose your train of thought.

Once you got to the door that you were sure was The Black Widows, no, Natasha, you knocked and waited for the door to open. You stood there for a while before bringing your hand up to knock again when the door swung open revealing The Scarlet Witch, you furrowed your brows picking the information for her… Red magic….Can move things with powers… but you only got so far when the red head pulled you into a hug. You immediately tensed under her touch and you used this distraction to dig further into your mind… Can read minds.

Once you remembered that you blocked your brain from her powers and pulled her into a tight hug, trying to act normal,but you didn’t know y/n’s normal. “ Okay you are about to break my ribs” She pulled away with a slight smile, “Didn’t know you’d miss me that much” You registered that as a joke, but didn’t really find it funny so you forced a laugh, even one that you cringed at. Her face contorted into slight confusion, now her brows furrowed and you could feel her trying to pick your mind. “ Wanda, you gotta stop reading my thoughts” You said this jokingly which earned you a laugh from the Scarlet Witch, with that you started to walk away to the next door.

She didn’t see through me… right?

[greatteachergojou]

JJK chapter 144 thoughts/review/analysis

Lots of thoughts...

- I LOVE YUTA. He’s an absolute badass but also still the same old cinnamon roll. Truly a senpai deserving of Megumi’s respect. I love how he looks after his all his classmates and kouhais. Look at my cinnamon roll.

- Yuji is back on his feet again. GOOD. My boy always finds strength to get back on his feet.

- Yuji’s request to Yuta to kill him if Sukuna takes over again has me worrying... (also, Yuta accepting his request so casually😅 It’s cool tho that both Yuji and Yuta have so much faith in his abilities. And ma man Yuta is still so humble.)

- They’ve got so much to deal with rn. The culling game, retrieving the prison realm, finding a way to unseal Gojo, the Brain in general... and Tengen - we don’t know where he stands...

- But I’m looking forward to the students working together again. Especially since Yuta is finally back. We lost Gojo but at least we have Yuta and Tsukumo on our side. Things don’t look too dark.

- Tsukumo not vibing with the higher ups either, I see 😂 Good, good.

- Yuji asking about Nobara’s condition while they were in the middle of discussing their plan on what to do next just goes to show how much it’s weigthing on him...

- Ok now, EVERYONE PLS CALM DOWN. I’m sure Nobara is alive - for now at least. We don’t know what her status was (or how much Yuji knew about her status) before Yuji left but she surely was alive/not dead yet at that time. Megumi would have said she died if that was the case. There’s no reason to hold this kind of fact from Yuji. It just doesn’t make sense to withhold this kind of irreversible information from him. It wouldn’t spare him from anything if she’s really already dead. It’d just unnecessarily keep him in a state of pointless hope. I think it’s really just that she’s still in critical condition. There’s no real change in her condition so he didn’t say anything. Also, I trust that Gege is a good enough writer to not play us with fake hope just to come back dozens of chapters later to be like “oh, btw she actually already died”. And I mean, Nobara is one of the main three characters. It’s too early for her to go (even for a ruthless series like JJK).

^ Yuji’s reaction to that looks quite devastating nonetheless. But I think the reaction would be much bigger if she was dead. Him tightening his fist and saying “I get it“ (or “I see/understand“ in the other TL) points to a lot of tension but also to him still holding on to the little bit of hope he has been holding on to. It was a sad expression at first but then he tightens his fist and the last panel to this shows a change of his expression from sad/devasted to one with a glimpse of... determination?(- he doesn’t look as shaken as before is what I mean). And just his overall demeanor after that doesn’t imply that he just learned of Nobara’s death. I’m sure she’ll survive and be as badass as ever and with cool eyepatch or something. Girls with battlescars FTW!

- Listen Gege, you didn’t have to go that far to change Maki’s hairstyle...

- So I take it that Maki is pretty much all good now? I was a little worried because the expression in her eye doesn’t show the same energy/detemination as before (or is it just me?). Also, to hell with the Zenin clan ppl. Maki on deathbed? Haha. She’s ready to kick you guys’ asses anytime.

^ Yuta rushing to Maki’s side all concerned is really cute

^ I’m so happy for you, Choso. And sorry that you (and your burst of happiness) got ignored by everyone right after and Yuji also just turned around and went ahead with his bro Megumi lol.

^ Damn, those bloodstains gave me major chills.

^ “That’s when everything began to get distorted” - I feel like there’s much more to it then we think...

- And what’s up with Tsukumo? Why’d she get rejected? What does Tengen not interfering with the outside world have to do with the Six Eyes? (Did he not interfere because Gojo was powerful enough to take care of things outside or is there some other history between them?)

^ We finally get to meet Tengen and THIS IS HOW HE LOOKS LIKE??? JJK character face reveals tend to have me 🤣 Tengen-sama... I always pictured him like some sorta old, wrinkled but badass looking gramps or some other creature. Definitely anything but this xD (Just like how I never expected Gojo to look prettier than any shojo protagonist lol)

[will-o-the-witch]

Heyaaa I hope you’re doing good! Not really a question I’m just pondering right now and want to share! So I’ve been seeing a ton of spiders recently all different kinds small bb jumping spiders ,normal house spiders, daddy long legs you know the deal😅 but anywayssss I’ve been becoming increasingly curious about deities and their signs they send you so to speak and I’ve been trying to figure out if there’s any deities that like to send spiders, can’t really find anything on that... I’ve looked up what spiders mean as a sign from the universe? Didn’t really get much from that search. Buttt you never know maybe it’s just bc it’s hot asf outside😂😂 but there is just a big gut feeling that’s telling me it’s not a coincidence, and my critical brain is always looking for proof and my mind is like u can’t put a stamp of approval on this being a sign bc do you really know if this is a sign? Do signs even exist? I have this mentality of “I believe in everything yet that makes me believe in nothing” (hope that makes sense) and I really have been searching for that something that gives me faith like a god(s) for example, but it’s so hard to like know if you want to believe in something or if you do believe in something, you get where I’m coming from? Idk I guess that’s what faith is, I think partly why it’s been so hard for me to find something that gives me faith is my Christian upbringing like believing in a god kinda shook me the wrong way for a while bc of the religious trauma, but there has to be something bigger then us? Something on the “other side”. idk the way many books, articles and the personal experiences many witches share about them working with the gods seem wonderful but aghdhfnjfkg I think I’m just searching for a experience to happen that makes me fully believe but I know that those things don’t happen on their own and faith is a key ingredient to it all.... sorry for the rambling rant just wanted to get it off my minddddd and I like your account and what you have to say☺️☺️✌️✌️

Howdy hey! I actually think you will always be better than anybody else at interpreting your own signs. :) Your gut is the most powerful tool you'll ever have and you're born with it. I think it's possible to check in with your gut too, like deep down we know if something is wishful thinking and being aware of that possibility (and being willing to accept it, should it be the case) is one of the most helpful and mature things we can do as a witch. And on the other side of that coin, if it's telling you someting is a sign, then there's no harm in diving deeper! The Divine, by nature, is always going to be nebulous and difficult to comprehend (let alone prove) what's going on with it. Take the pressure off of yourself to get it exactly right; your job as a human is to simply perceive what you perceive and apply it in a healthy way to your life. Like you said, faith is a key ingredient; faith is a verb, it's relinquishing the need to fully understand and control everything and putting trust in the process, whatever that process is. Ecstatic experiences can and do happen for sure, but there is something magical and powerful about just simple, everyday faith as well. :) As for spiders... I know there's deities out there but nothing is coming to mind right away? Maybe Athena as the weaver? Or something about spider folklore? Do some research and follow your gut on that as well. :)