#don’t actually commit arson guys

[accidentcache]

Touya would def be down to arson with you on your period. It makes him feel better

it keeps him out of the dog house for saying stupid shit

[cranberry-queen]

Tips from a Beta Reading Writer

This one's for the scenes with multiple characters, and you're not sure how to keep everyone involved.

Writing group scenes is chaos. Someone’s talking, someone’s interrupting, someone’s zoning out thinking about breadsticks. And if you’re not careful, half your cast fades into the background like NPCs in a video game. I used to struggle with this so much—my characters would just exist in the scene without actually affecting it. But here’s what I've learned and have started implementing:

✨ Give everyone a job in the scene ✨

Not their literal job—like, not everyone needs to be solving a crime or casting spells. I mean: Why are they in this moment? What’s their role in the conversation?

My favourite examples are:

The Driver: Moves the convo forward. They have an agenda, they’re pushing the action.

The Instigator: Pokes the bear. Asks the messy questions. Stirring the pot like a chef on a mission.

The Voice of Reason: "Guys, maybe we don’t commit arson today?"

The Distracted One: Completely in their own world. Tuning out, doodling on a napkin, thinking about their ex.

The Observer: Not saying much, but noticing everything. (Quiet characters still have presence!)

The Wild Card: Who knows what they’ll do? Certainly not them. Probably about to make things worse.

If a character has no function, they’ll disappear. Give them something—even if it’s just a side comment, a reaction, or stealing fries off someone’s plate. Keep them interesting, and your readers will stay interested too.

[reiding-writing]

hi hi!! i love your writing! if you’re interested, i think it’d be cute to see something with spencer & fem!reader (cold!reader or otherwise, up to you) where the team is stuck working a case on christmas. could be kinda angsty or fluffy, i just love a fluffy ending

no worries if not! all the love!! 💚

JUST ANOTHER DAY — SPENCER REID!

you and the team get caught in texas over christmas.

s5!spencer reid x cold!reader 1.0k fluff? cold!reader masterlist.

main masterlist.

a/n — trying to put out as many christmas themed fics in the next two weeks as i can—

It doesn’t feel like Christmas, despite all of the decorated trees and flickering fairy lights that line the Austin streets.

A lack of snow? sure. A generally high temperature with sunny skies? Well, obviously.

But of all the serial crimes someone had to commit over the Christmas period, arson was probably the most ironic.

“It’s almost funny,”

“It’s pathetic,” You cut JJ off with a roll of your eyes, crossing one leg over the other in the office chair you were inhabiting. “Arsonists are idiotic cowards, Christmas or not,”

JJ raised her eyebrows at your sharp tone, but she didn’t push. Instead, she gave a small shrug and leaned back in her chair, flipping through a file. “I think Garcia would say they’re more like... Grinches.”

You scoffed. “The Grinch had an actual motive. These guys just want attention.”

Spencer glanced up from the pile of maps and data he was poring over at the conference table. His brow furrowed slightly, but the corner of his mouth twitched upward in something that wasn’t quite a smile. “Technically, the Grinch’s motive was rooted in deep-seated emotional trauma from early childhood neglect and social isolation—”

“Thank you, Doctor Christmas,” you interjected, though there wasn’t much heat behind your words.

His brow furrowed slightly, as if he were trying to solve a puzzle. You’d been sharp all day—more than usual—and he was silently cataloging every detail of your demeanor, trying to understand what might have set you off.

“Statistically speaking, arsonists often escalate during the holidays,” Spencer offered cautiously. His tone was measured, but there was a note of hesitance, as if he were wary of setting you off further. “It’s a time when a lot of people feel isolated or resentful, which can fuel the compulsion.”

“Yeah, well, maybe they should try therapy instead of lighting up someone’s livelihood,” you muttered, not bothering to look up.

Morgan, sitting across from you, exchanged a glance with JJ, then leaned back in his chair. “You’re extra spicy today, Ice Queen. Everything okay?”

“I’m fine,” you replied a little too quickly, flipping a page in the file.

But you weren’t fine. Everyone could tell, especially Spencer. He tilted his head slightly, studying the way your shoulders were tensed, your jaw tight. You were usually sarcastic and a little standoffish, but this was different.

“Maybe you just need a break,” Spencer suggested gently. “We could grab coffee?”

Your eyes flicked up to meet his, the suggestion catching you off guard. For a moment, your steely exterior faltered. There was something in his gaze—warmth, concern, understanding—that made you feel seen in a way you weren’t sure you were ready for.

“I don’t need a break,” you said, voice softening slightly despite yourself. “I’ll be fine.”

The room fell quiet after that, the team respectfully giving you space. Spencer, however, stayed attentive, his mind already whirring with possibilities. You weren’t fine—and he was determined to figure out why.

—

It wasn’t until much later, when the team gathered around a small table in the precinct’s breakroom for a makeshift Christmas dinner, that Spencer finally got his chance. He sat beside you, close enough that his knee brushed yours, grounding you with his quiet presence.

“You’re not really mad about the case,” he said softly, his voice just loud enough for you to hear.

You glanced at him, startled, but his expression was open and kind, not accusing. “What makes you say that?”

“You’re not a big fan of Christmas, are you?” he asked, ignoring your deflection. “Or maybe... you don’t have the best memories of it.”

You opened your mouth to respond, to brush him off like you had the others, but the words didn’t come. Instead, you sighed, your shoulders shrugging exasperatedly. “It’s just another day, isn’t it?”

Spencer nodded, as though he’d already suspected as much. “I suppose so,” he said gently. “I never really enjoyed Christmas much when I was younger, with… my mom and all,”

You hum softly at his response.

His understanding took you off guard. You weren’t used to people digging into the grit behind the surface, and you certainly weren’t used to them doing it with such care. “Spend most of mine alone,” you asked, deflecting the attention. “Just wish I was actually in my own apartment,”

“I know what you mean,” he agreed. “I spend mine very similarly most years, when I can’t fly to Vegas anyway,”

Spencer lets out a soft breath. “I still enjoy it though,” He tilts his head slightly at you, like his opinion is somehow controversial.

“But not because of the traditions or the decorations. I like the idea of it—the chance to appreciate the people who matter, to make memories, even if they’re small.” His gaze softened as he looked at you. “I think that’s something worth holding on to, no matter what’s happened in the past.”

His words lingered in the air between you, warm and unexpected. For the first time all day, the tension in your chest began to ease.

“Yeah, maybe,” you murmured, absently biting on your cheek as you seem to deliberate.

Spencer smiled back, a flicker of relief in his eyes. “You should try the cookies Garcia brought,” he said, changing the subject with an almost boyish awkwardness. “They’re... very festive.”

You raise an eyebrow. Festive sounded about right if it was coming from Garcia. “Sounds like her,”

As the conversation shifted to lighter topics, the weight on your shoulders felt a little less heavy. Spencer didn’t press you further, but the way he stayed close, quietly attuned to your mood, said more than words ever could.

Maybe Christmas didn’t have to feel like Christmas. ‘Just another day’ didn’t seem so bad.

[kxsagi]

OUGHHHH MAY FIRST CAME 😈 at least here in Poland. You can ignore this if it’s something you don’t wanna write btw!!!

Can I request BL men that are already pro players, and they’re dating a reader that has chronic pain and uses mobility aids because of it? And the media is super weird ab it cause how dare a pro athlete date a disabled person. Maybe he comforts her because she stumbled upon a weird ass article or a hate comment idk.

Uhhh ness shidou bachira and whoever u want 🙇‍♀️ I love you and your writing I hope you have a good day!

SORRY if this is too specific. Shout out to my fellow disabled girlies 😔✊

“𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐚 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐝”

a/n: NOOO I LOVE THIS, I LOVE YOU AND YOUR COMMENTS AND I AM SO HAPPY I GET TO WRITE THIS FOR YOU

ft. ness alexis, shidou ryusei, bachira meguru, kaiser michael, itoshi sae, itoshi rin, isagi yoichi

ness alexis

ness is literally the definition of a gentle boyfriend, so the moment he sees that one trashy gossip headline – “Pro Athlete Seen With Disabled Girlfriend: Fans Concerned?” – his jaw drops like someone just slapped him. 

“concerned for what?” he whispers like he’s in a horror movie. 

you find it first, though. you're just scrolling while curled up on the couch, using your heating pad, when you freeze mid-scroll and go, “hey, do you wanna see something funny, but soul-destroying?” 

ness peers at your phone and immediately climbs onto the couch to wrap himself around you like a human blanket. “do not let stupid people ruin your mood. you are my favorite person. also, what is this site even called? ‘goalz4gossip’? this looks like it was made by a 12-year-old with an ipad and rage issues.” 

he goes on a small rant in german under his breath and then kisses your forehead 400 times. 

“you’re literally the strongest person i know. the media can go date each other if they’re so pressed about us.” 

shidou ryusei

shidou finds a comment that says, “how is she even keeping up with a guy like him? she uses a cane 💀” and immediately screenshots it. 

not because he agrees, but because he wants to roast it on his private story. 

his post is just a screenshot with the caption: “buddy she keeps up with me just fine, she made me cry last week for stealing her fries. sit down.” 

shidou doesn’t sugarcoat stuff, but he’s aggressively supportive. like, if someone tries to come at you sideways in public, he’ll bark at them. 

literally bark. 

“you okay, babe?” he says when you look a little too quiet after seeing one of those backhanded articles. 

you shrug and say, “i’m fine,” but he doesn’t let it go. he walks over, squats in front of you, rests his chin on your lap and goes, “wanna egg their office building? or better yet, light it on fire and commit arson together?” 

instead of actually committing a felony, he picks you up bridal-style and plops you into bed. “you’re hot, you’re smarter than me, and you walk cooler than 99% of the population. who cares what some sweaty journalist thinks?” 

he also gets you custom accessories for your mobility aids with little flames or skulls ‘cause you’re metal like that. 

bachira meguru

bachira is completely unbothered by the hate. but super bothered when it makes you upset. 

like you’re sitting in the park one day and overhear someone whisper “is that her? the one with the crutches?” and he notices how you instinctively stiffen. 

he grabs your hand instantly, leans into your ear and whispers, “they’re just jealous you’ve got me wrapped around your finger.” 

always trying to turn the moment silly so you smile again. 

later, when you’re spiraling a bit in your room reading too many mean reddit comments, he flops beside you dramatically. 

“stop. too much screen. i’m gonna fart on your phone.” 

you shove him away laughing, but he tugs you close with a pout. 

“you know… they don’t get to have you. i do. and i think your pain doesn’t make you less, it just makes you stronger and cooler. like a character in an anime who gets up anyway, no matter what.” 

then he insists on decorating your mobility aids with googly eyes and doodle stickers cause “it’s armor now. i’m your sidekick. beep beep.” 

michael kaiser

he acts unbothered in public, but he absolutely loses it behind the scenes when he sees an article titled, “Can a Pro Like Kaiser Settle for Someone Like Her?” 

“settle for– oh okay. okay. no one tell my manager i’m about to commit slander with a side of defamation.” 

you find him aggressively typing in a notes app. “dear anonymous hater from 'SoccerDailyBuzz': how does it feel knowing you could never even get a date with her, much less someone who calls you ‘baby’ while making espresso at 6 AM?” 

turns his anger into sarcasm but also kisses your shoulder after every sentence to calm himself down. 

“i didn’t fall in love with your pain, but i fell in love with the way you live through it. your stubbornness, your fire, the way you still make fun of me even when you’re hurting. that’s what makes you beautiful, you know? wait, that sounds so cheesy.” 

he makes a point to show you off even more. red carpet? he’s holding your hand the whole way, mobility aid and all. interview? he’s saying “my girlfriend is the strongest person i know” before anyone even asks. 

he sees your worth so clearly. and he makes damn sure everyone else does, too. 

itoshi sae

sae’s already got a reputation for being cold and unbothered, so people are shocked when he’s openly soft around you. 

he doesn’t do PDA or gush about you on TV, but the way he always slows his pace to walk beside you, carries your bag without a word, and makes sure you’re seated comfortably before interviews, it’s noticed. and, of course, dissected. 

you show him a headline that says, “What’s Sae Itoshi Doing With Someone Who Can’t Even Keep Up?” 

and he reads it with a completely neutral expression, then tosses your phone face-down on the table and goes, “well, that’s funny. you seem to keep up just fine when you’re lecturing me at 2 AM about leaving the stove on.” 

you burst out laughing, but he looks at you with the tiniest furrow in his brow. “does it bother you?” he asks quietly. 

you admit it hurts a little. and he just nods, slides over, and presses his forehead to yours. 

“they don’t get to know you. they don’t see how hard you fight. how much you endure. they don’t see you the way i do. and that’s their loss.” 

next time you two are seen in public, he’s the one walking with your cane slung over his shoulder like a sword. the caption on the paparazzi pic reads: “new accessory or relationship statement?” yes. yes to both.

itoshi rin

rin already hates the media, so this gives him another reason to despise them. 

when someone tweets, “idk i just think it’s weird for a high-performing athlete to date someone who can’t even do sports,” he literally glares at your phone like it personally insulted him. 

“what the hell does that even mean. i can’t do ballet, but i’m not out here judging people who can.” 

he’s blunt, but he’s furious on your behalf. he’s also the type to go down the rabbit hole of comments and get angrier by the second. 

when you try to downplay it – “it’s fine, i’m used to it” – he looks at you like you just said gravity isn’t real. 

“don’t do that. don’t act like you have to take it just because people are cruel. they’re wrong.” 

then, more softly: “you’re… more than what your body lets you do. and i fell in love with you, not your physical stats.” 

rin shows his love by doing things for you. adjusting your seat. finding the best accessible routes. learning how to help without hovering. 

someone once asked him in an interview, “how does your girlfriend feel about not being able to travel as easily to your matches?” 

rin deadpans: “she’s the reason i win. so unless you’d like to speak directly to my motivation, maybe pick a better question next time.” 

isagi yoichi

isagi is the type who genuinely doesn’t understand how people can be so heartless. 

like he reads one awful comment and goes, “... do they think you’re not allowed to be loved?” with genuine confusion in his voice. 

he’s devastated that you saw it. “you shouldn’t have to read stuff like that. i promise i’ll protect you from it all.” 

you shrug and tell him you’re used to it, and he immediately goes into ‘motivational team captain’ mode. 

“you being used to it doesn’t mean you have to accept it. people suck. you’re brilliant, and funny, and beautiful, and strong in a way most people will never understand. and you don’t have to prove your worth to anyone.” 

he holds your hand tighter when you’re out in public. makes a habit of stopping to adjust your pace so you’re never rushed. 

also, he subtly drags anyone who says anything ableist during interviews. 

“a lot of people think strength is just about running or scoring goals, but i’ve learned from my partner that real strength is showing up every day, even when your body fights you. that’s the kind of strength i look up to.” 

cue the internet sobbing. cue you sobbing. cue him also sobbing because he made you cry and didn’t mean to. 

© 𝐤𝐱𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐢

[millyondollarbaby]

🕯️ YANDERE BLOG RULES 🕯️

by MillyonDollarBaby | The Church of Devotion, not Delusion(Okay maybe a little)

Welcome to my yandere sanctuary. This is not your average toxicity hub—this is heightened, romantic, obsessive fantasy vault with a velvet blade and a bleeding heart. That said, here’s how we do things in my temple:

❌ NO CHEATING

If your little man is cheating, he’s not yandere—he’s just trash. A true yandere is obsessed, loyal, faithful, and pathologically unable to love anyone but you. You are his first, last, and only. If you breathe near someone else, he panics. If he breathes near someone else, he cries and self-flagellates. Cheating doesn't happen here. Don’t ask.

💸 NO BROKE ENERGY

We are not romanticizing broke, crusty men who live in the walls and ask for a ride. This is a manifestation-positive zone. We do feral abundance. Obsession and luxury are not mutually exclusive. Your yandere should be able to fund your business, buy you land, and cry on a private jet.

🚫 NO CEST / NO EXTREME DARK CONTENT

This blog does not entertain incest, MAP themes, or any other revolting shit. And I do not write about EDs, SH, depression, or trauma porn. This is not that space. I’m here to feed the girlies who want a fantasy—not relive their worst moments.

⚖️ AGE GAPS: YES, WITH BOUNDARIES

Will I write about age gaps? Yes. But never involving characters younger than 16. Ever. Think older reclusive heir falls for the radiant, chaotic rich girl-in-training. Not creepy adult preying on a child. Let's be for real.

💕 HEALTHY YANDERE ONLY (Heightened, Not Hollow)

We do love-based obsession here. Not the "I’ll chain you up because I hate women" mess. If there isn’t adoration, worship, pathetic devotion, and willingness to slit his own throat because you didn’t text back—I don’t want it. Control without love? Boring. Toxic masculinity? Tired. Give me the guy who will kiss your feet and say, “I’ll die if you don’t marry me.”

This is the altar of unhinged, yet sacred love. We’re feeding the hoes well.

🖋️ REQUESTS I write for characters who fit the vibe:

Obsessive

Worshipful

Emotionally intense If you request something bland, generic, or emotionally flat, I will politely ignore it and go back to writing about someone whispering marriage proposals while sobbing into your laundry.

I’m not a vending machine. Requests are not guaranteed. But if you offer a soul, a lock of hair, or a particularly feral idea, you may be blessed.

🧼 SAFE, SOFT DARKNESS

This blog is for heightened fantasy yandere, meaning:

Yes, he’s insane

Yes, he’d commit arson for you

But you are always safe in the fantasy There’s a difference between dark love and real-life danger. This space is for safe obsession, not romanticizing actual abuse.

✨ MANIFESTATION-FRIENDLY UNIVERSE

This is a high-frequency blog. We love our yanderes rich, romantic, possessive, and deeply obsessed. No scrubs. No emotionally constipated men. No trauma-dumping. Only:

“I built you a house in the woods”

“Everyone thinks I’m quiet but you’re the reason I breathe”

“If you die, I die” type beat

[suzukiblu]

WIP excerpt for Jan behind the cut; "Superboys Switch". (( chrono || non-chrono ))

Maybe even the same age, he thinks, and then forces himself not to think about it.

( they’re less than a day old, and they look THIS old. how many years is that? how much of a childhood did they lose? how much– )

Jon forces himself not to think about it.

“I really don’t think not committing murder is being a stick in the mud,” he says, and the kid snorts and then floats up a couple feet into the air, half-tucking their feet under themself as they do. Jon–frowns, for a second. That looks . . . something about how they’re flying looks a little off, for some reason. Like–different from how it looks when Dad and Aunt Kara do it, and different from how it feels when he does it. 

Then again, the kid’s two seconds into flying, so it’s kind of ridiculous of him to assume they’d do it exactly right straight off the bat. 

“Being a stick in the mud is just, like, a vibe, dude,” the kid informs him matter-of-factly, then floats over towards Jay and peers over his shoulder at the screen, then immediately looks bored by whatever’s on it and looks around the lab instead. They still sound nothing like Jon would expect someone made in a lab to sound, and his gut twists a little. 

But also, whatever’s on that screen already made Damian suggest committing multiple murders, and the kid just looks bored about it, one way or the other, so . . . 

So Jon doesn’t know how he feels about that, exactly. A kid who doesn’t sound like they came from a lab and doesn’t act like they came from a lab, but also doesn’t seem even slightly concerned by whatever made Damian seriously consider committing murder again and did not make Jay dissuade him from said consideration. 

It definitely makes him want to get said kid the hell out of this miserable excuse for a basement, though. 

“Just–you guys figure out the theoretical arson, I’ll figure out what to do about the staff, alright?” he says, sighing again. He can probably toss them all in a transport vehicle or two and then just carry those straight to the police while Damian and Jay watch the kid, he figures. Which isn’t great for a “you should send these people to jail” thing, admittedly, so maybe he should actually call the League and see who’s available to help Jay strip the data for damning evidence while removing any damning DNA or anything like that. Or, like, whatever they need right now. 

“I still consider what to do about the staff a fairly simple equation,” Damian mutters under his breath as the kid turns upside-down in the air behind him and peers at the heavy hood of his cape and the sword slung across his back. It’s a sakabato–a reverse blade katana, he means–and the reason that Jon is under pain of kryptonite not allowed to tell Batman anything about anime, like . . . literally ever. It just looks like a normal katana visually, though, especially when it’s sheathed, so he’s not sure why the kid looks so puzzled about– 

“Why’s your sword sharpened on the wrong side?” the kid asks, frowning in bemusement, and Damian pauses. 

Jon pauses, because Damian’s sakabato sheath is lead-lined. Mostly so he has a quick supply of lead in emergencies these days and less because he doesn’t want Jon to know what’s in it, but it’s definitely still lead-lined. There’s no way the kid could’ve seen through it, so how . . . ? 

“It allows the weapon to be used nonlethally,” Damian replies, watching the kid with a neutral expression that screams “suspicion” on a Bat. “As well as making the decision to slay a foe a more deliberate choice, as the weapon must be wielded backwards to cut.” 

“Doesn’t that mean the sharp side’s always pointing towards you?” the kid says, wrinkling their nose. “And like, isn’t it way harder using it backwards, if you gotta?” 

“Yes,” Damian says. “That is the point. The weapon is a handicap meant to keep me from inflicting a mortal wound any way but deliberately, and also to make that wound harder to inflict even once I choose to.” 

“. . . that is so badass, oh my god,” the kid mutters under their breath. 

Jon is still concerned about how the kid found out about Damian’s sword being a sakabato, since if Cadmus had told him he’d think they’d have at least had theories for why it was a thing, but also is now significantly less optimistic about his chances of ending up the kid’s favorite. 

Yeah, he should’ve absolutely told Batman about anime when he was still young enough to get away with it being an “accidental” slip of the tongue and embarrassed Damian out of ever using the damn thing in the field. Like, ever.

[troywagner]

Did you guys actually commit arson in that one entry when the hotel was burning down on tv???

Yeah don’t tell the cops bro

[tea-and-secrets]

i’m thinking of making a simple ttrpg based off an incredibly funny situation me and my friends got in

so i always carry my bag of dice around, and after everyone finishes eating during lunch hour, me and my friends like to “play dice”, which is just what we call it when we play extremely simplified dnd. only three of us actually genuinely know how to play dnd 5e and none of us want to take the time to explain it, so we just roll the d20 for every action.

well. a ‘friend’ who normally doesn’t participate decided to join today and exclusively decided to invent various chain restaurants in an attempt to be memey and also form a restaurant monopoly. “mcdonald’s quick tavern”, “sub of way”, “wendolyn d’s” etc. and all other three players (i was the “dm”) immediately dedicated the rest of the session to trying to ruin her life.

to be completely clear, ‘friend’ is sort of an asshole who never stops making dick jokes. last time we played dice before this, when my friend was DMing, she rolled to “stroke her meat” (none of us were exactly pleased). all of us are extremely tired of it but we don’t want to kick her out. so “ruining her life” in-game ranged from setting her restaurants on fire to killing her outright. unfortunately she had absolutely insane luck, which is how she rolled high enough to create the restaurants in the first place. she always rolled high and everyone else almost always rolled too low to kill her. after she attempted to assassinate two of the players, one of them managed to kill her. everyone cheered.

i proceeded to draw fan art of this, and captioned the art “3 CRIMINALS VS. 1 CEO” and now i actually kind of want to make this a kind of game we could run? i think it’d be fun considering the interests of our friend group

the general idea is that you need a minimum of three players: two criminals, one ceo. you can raise the number of players as much as you want; there should be roughly 2-4 criminals for one ceo. the goal for both teams is to destroy the others. in more rp terms, the general premise is that you are one of two people: a ceo who’s flattened countless people to achieve your fortune, or a random guy with a huge grudge against said ceo, for any reason. go try and fuck em up!

some mechanics:

all players would have “reputation” stats. all criminals start with a reputation of 1, while ceos start at 3. the higher the reputation, the more genuine publicity you have- which makes it harder to commit crimes. if a ceo reaches a high enough reputation, i think maybe 7, then the crimes committed to establish their famous brand will become public, shattering their reputation and ruining their career. if a criminal reaches a 3 reputation, however, they’ve got enough publicity to get caught. both parties must work to maintain their reputation, but criminals have to work harder. each party can work to increase the other’s reputation through media like journalism, and decrease their own reputation by laying low after doing something big or hiding their identity when doing unlawful actions (like arson.)

the criminals can work to eliminate the ceo by any means possible. they can go the route of exposing the ceo’s crimes, but they could ALSO do the much more fun route of committing ✨crimes✨. however, the more crimes and less thought put into them, the likelier it is that their reputation will increase; as such, it’s ideal for them to cover their tracks or at least put on a mask. unless they do something REALLY drastic, i think the ceo would have to actively pursue targeting the criminals via journalism, but if the criminals didn’t, say, put on a mask or wait until night to burn down the wendy’s, it would be MUCH easier to track them down, have a paper published about the innocent wendy’s being burnt down, and wait for them to be arrested.

the criminals have a resource limit. since action would be turn-based, i think that there would be two “levels” of crimes, organized by how much energy they would take. maybe it’d be good to utilize a sort of spell slot reminiscent system for this? like you start with 2 big crimes and 3 small crimes, and you get 1 small crime every other turn and 1 big crime every 3 turns.

you can get dnd style advantages by being very organized and disadvantages by being relentlessly pursued by the other team. for example, if every criminal has spent the last three turns making attempts on the ceo’s life, i’d say it’d be fair to give the ceo disadvantage on PR- they’re being fucking hunted, that’d fuck up anyone’s mental health. on the other hand, if a ceo spends 4 turns compiling evidence to paint a very convincing picture of a criminal as, well, a criminal, i’d say they get advantage for their paper to succeed in getting the criminal arrested.

the game ends either when a ceo has their reputation shattered and their livelihood destroyed, or the criminals are all jailed. i know it’s a little biased towards the criminals but like. actually i don’t really have an excuse for that. i do think it could be fun playing as a ceo as well though.

.

[phosphorus-12]

Grougal: Wakey Wakey Eggs and Bakey! Qilby: But I'm a vegan. Grougal: Wakey Wakey Vegetables and Sadness.

Qilby: You’re overthinking this. Yugo: You don’t know the appropriate level of thinking, Qilby. What if I’m underthinking?

Qilby: Let’s write Efrim a friendly note, shall we? Dear… Incompetent… Dumbass…

Yugo: Sometimes I drink milk straight from the container. Grougal: The cow?? Chibi: What? Adamai: Grougal, W H Y?

Qilby: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat? Mina >:O language Yugo: Yeah watch your fucking language Chibi: Okay, who taught Yugo the fuck word?! Adamai: 'The fuck word'. Mina: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time Glip: Oh my god they censored it Qilby: Say fuck, Mina. Efrim: Do it, Mina. Say fuck.

Efrim: The saying “it is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission” no longer applies to Yugo.

Adamai: We should normalize not loving family members. Yugo: You can just say: “I hate my dumb fuck brother, Qilby” or whatever. Talk like a normal person!

Chibi: We might have gotten into a bar room brawl back in the city. Mina: Well, that was entirely predictable. Chibi: One of them punched a gang member. Mina: Qilby? Chibi: Yugo, actually. Mina: Oh, that was going to be my second guess.

Baby Grougal after being born: I woke up and chose VIOLENCE. I WILL COMMIT ARSON AND BURN EVERYTHING TO THE GROUND!!! I AM ANGRY- Yugo: Awwww, you’re so adorable! Give me a hug~ Grougal: Wh-What? nO, yOURE SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED OF ME! TREMBLE BEFORE MY WRATH- Adamai, recording: This is so cute.

Qilby: Why is it so hard for you to believe me?! Glip: … Qilby: Oh, right. The lying.

Balthazar: I hate you sometimes. Qilby: Well according to this picture Mina drew of us holding hands that's not true. Balthazar: Qilby, you drew that. Qilby: It doesn't matter.

Grougal: This should be illegal! Chibi: It is.

Phaeris is casually searching around the room Adamai: Hey Phaeris, what’re you looking for? Phaeris: My will to live. Mina walks into the room Phaeris: Oh, there it is.

Nora: No more making fun of me when I misuse dated cultural references, alright? Are we cowabunga on this? Yugo, sighing: Fine. We're cowabunga.

Nora: Made you all playlists! Nora: Efrim, yours has only heavy metal, and is dark like your soul. Nora: Chibi, yours has sad songs and blues to pair with your crippling depression. Nora: And Shinonome has the ABBA Gold album.

Nora: CHARACTER. FLAWS. ARE. FUCKING. IMPORTANT. Yugo: Me when someone tells me to stop eating mayo packets like they’re gogurt tubes.

Kidnapper: I have your father. Yugo: What? I don't have a father… Kidnapper: Then who just called me a lowlife bitch and spit in my face? Yugo: Oh my god, you have my brother Qilby.

Shinonome: Hi, could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire?? Balthazar: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔 Chibi: Why were you microwaving a lemon??? Balthazar: I read boiling lemons helps cover up up bad smells (I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges) but I didn't own any pots. Adamai: Did you burn an orange too? How??? Balthazar: Microwave for 40 minutes. 😔

Yugo: You don't think I can fight because of my height! Chibi: I don't think you can fight because you're in a wedding dress. For what it's worth, I don't think Qilby can fight in that dress either. Qilby: Perhaps not. But I would make a radiant bride.

Chibi: I'm trying to juggle family life and work life but I can't seem to find a balance. What do you suggest I do to keep everyone happy? Yugo, deadpan: Quit your job, kill your family.

Efrim: Five little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and… Grougal: Was diagnosed with mesothelioma. Efrim: Mamma called the doctor and the doctor said… Qilby: You might be entitled to financial compensation if he or a loved one dies.

[anna-the-undertaker]

Im playing with an incorrect quote generator and I'm sharing them here. They are cracking me tf up.

Belphie: So I can either do something dumb that could very well get me injured or I can listen to MC and not do the thing, Belphie: Well there’s a clear right answer here. Belphie: *proceeds to throw five packs of mentos into a barrel full of diet coke*

Satan: I woke up and chose VIOLENCE. I WILL COMMIT ARSON AND BURN EVERYTHING TO THE GROUND!!! I AM ANGRY- MC: Awwww, you’re so adorable! Give me a hug~ Satan: Wh-What? nO, yOURE SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED OF ME! TREMBLE BEFORE MY WRATH- Lucifer, recording: This is so cute.

Beel: sSSSHIT- I BURNT MY LIP- Belphie: …Why the fuck would you even drink coffee with a METAL STRAW in the FIRST PLACE?? Beel: BECAUSE WE WERE OUT OF THE PLASTIC ONES!

Barbatos: Look, Satan, if you can fit your head down the gun’s barrel, you can assume it doesn’t have a non-lethal setting.

MC: Yes, I'm adopting Satan and you cowards can't tell me no!

Lucifer: *running towards Beel with open arms* Beel: *moves out of the way* Lucifer: Hey, why'd you move?! Beel: I thought you were going to attack me. Lucifer: I was going to hug you! Beel: Why would you hug me? Lucifer: WHY WOULD I ATTACK YOU!?

Levi: The best way to gain someone's undying loyalty is by saving them from a perilous situation. Barbatos: So you're just gonna wait until MC is in danger and save them? Levi: Of course not, I'm going to create a situation that puts them in danger and then save them. Barbatos: … Barbatos: You're insane.

MC: We’re going to defeat you with the power of friendship. Belphie: We’re not friends. MC, holding an axe: We’re going to defeat you with the power of incredible violence.

Lucifer: You’re starting to look like me more and more every day— Satan: *Bursts into tears* Lucifer: Why are you crying? Satan: You’re ugly! I don’t want to look like you! *sobs*

*Satan and Mammon are texting* Satan: Who are you? Someone changed the names in my phone. Mammon: What did they change my name to? Satan: Chosen One. Mammon: Don’t change it back. Satan: BUT WHO ARE YOU?!?! Mammon: I’m the chosen one.

Mammon: "What are you into?" is such a broad question, like do I reply with a TV series or choking?

Belphie: Sorry I can’t be emotionally vulnerable with you it’d ruin the mystery.

Asmo: I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say ‘wow’ that many times during their first session with a client, but here we are.

Mammon: What happened to your nose? Satan: I used it to break some guy's fist.

Mammon: Would it be discrimination to only hire employees at my doughnut shop who have the same name? MC: Legally, I don't believe that breaches any discrimination laws. Morally though… I don't know. Mammon: I believe god is on my side when it comes to Duncans' Doughnuts.

Mammon: Would anyone know any good vendors for professional-quality brass knuckles? Asmo: I know you’re serious, but you say the scariest shit sometimes.

Mammon: look Levi, I'm not slut shaming you but… Mammon: Actually yeah, I'm TOTALLY slut shaming you.

Lucifer: I am the left brain, I am the left brain. "I work really hard until my inevitable death" brain. You've got a job to do, you better do it right and the right way is with the left brain's might. Mammon: I LIKE OREOS AND PUSSY-

Satan: My expectations were low but holy fuck.

MC: *Texts a selfie to the group chat* Hey besties!! Mammon: *Texts a selfie clearly parodying MC's* hey besties !!1! MC: I literally hate you so much.

Satan: What's this? MC, hugging Satan: Affection! Satan: Disgusting. Satan: …Do it again.

Lucifer: I am going to need you to swear- Diavolo: Fuck. Lucifer: Lucifer: …swear as in promise.

Mammon: Pardon me, but it sounds like you’re questioning my authority! Lucifer: Not at all, Mammon. Merely your primitive methods.

MC: *cocks gun* Go to Bed. This is no longer a request, This is now a Threat.

Levi: Wait a minute, how did this happen? We're smarter than this! Beel: Apparently, we're not.

Mammon: *Reading a letter* Satan: Well, what does it say? Mammon: It’s a confession letter. It turns out MC killed my pet rock.

Diavolo: Not to be nsfw but I want someone to hold me while I sleep.

MC: Who else is hiding in the laundry room trying to listen to Diavolo and Lucifer's convo? Asmo: Me. I'm in the laundry basket. Belphie: I'm in the washing machine. Barbatos: I'm in the closet. Asmo: We accept you Barbatos. <3 Barbatos: No I'm literally in the closet. Asmo: Love is love. <3

Belphie (brainstorming ideas for pranking Lucifer): How much would a serial killer mask possibly cost? MC: Well it’s hard to find a high-quality one made out of leather or silicone, but if you did find a good one like that it’d be a couple thousands of dollars. I can try to hook you up with one but I don’t know if I’d be very successful. Belphie: Huh, that’s pretty interesting actually- Wait, how the hell do you know that? MC: …I am very passionate about Halloween, Belphie.

Diavolo: I don't know, it's not my cup of tea. Satan: Well then whose is it? Diavolo, staring at a cup of tea: I don't know!

MC: What’s something you guys are better than Lucifer at? Mammon: Mario Kart. Satan: Yeah, video games. Levi: Emotional vulnerability.

Mammon: Can we talk about that mass email you sent? MC: Why? It was important. Mammon: All it says is, "I'm back on my shit". Diavolo, shrugging: The people need to know.

Mammon: Can you pass the salt? Asmo: Can you pass away? Mammon: Too much salt.

*talking on the phone* Mammon: Remember how I said that MC and I were gonna have a calm night out for once? Lucifer: Yeah… Mammon: Well, we’re in jail. Lucifer: *hangs up*

MC: Go to hell! Lucifer: Where do you think I come from?

MC: I see the red flags, I acknowledge that they're there, and then I completely ignore them.

Satan: We need a distraction. Lucifer: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises? Diavolo, whispering: My time has come.

Mammon: I don’t know, this plan seems complicated. Lucifer: You once said that about an orange. Mammon: They don’t make sense. Apples, you eat their clothes but oranges you don’t.

Diavolo: Mammon and I were crossing the street, and this man drove by and honked at us. Asmo: What did you do? Diavolo: They chased him to the next red light, and reached into his window, and- Mammon: *walking in* Who wants a steering wheel?

[emilsgrippers]

silly fun fact Katie and Sadie, despite being inseparable best friends who are always together, do not have the same crime lists.

Katie has actually committed more crimes than Sadie.

K: Trespassing on a Nuke site, Distracted Driving & destruction of property.

S: Trespassing on a Nuke site.

With that, here’s some more TD characters crimes/bad things theyve done or committed (saying bad things just incase I’m a moron and some of these aren’t crimes they’re just..bad things but what do I know)

(Note: I’m taking most of these from an old video of someone else who analyzed TD characters. “When did ___ do ___?” I have no idea don’t ask ..sorry^_^”

Geoff: Trespassing on a nuke site, extortion(with a weapon), attempted man-slaughter, public nudity, animal cruelty, negligence

Bridgette: Aggravated assault, Trespassing on sacred grounds, negligence, animal cruelty, destruction of property, arson, threat of bodily harm

(Funfact: all of Bridgette’s aggravated assault is from TDA, and it’s all against Geoff. From tackling him, pushing him to the ground, and knocking him out with her surfboard)

Courtney: Aggravated assault, trespassing on sacred grounds, distracted driving, theft, threat of harm, property damage, grand larceny, bribery, extortion, fabrication, battery, fraud, abuse, attempted murder, blackmail, attempted poisoning, treason, defamation, animal cruelty, conspiracy, aiding and abetting, reckless endangerment.

Trent: Public nudity, Trespassing on a nuke site, aggravated assault, threat of bodily harm

Eva: Aggravated assault, Murder of an endangered species, treating death or bodily harm, extortion, trespassing on a nuke site.

Alejandro: Faking disability, animal abuse, threat of bodily harm, trespassing on sacred grounds, negligence, aggravated assault, distracted driving, sabotage, battery, reckless endangerment, fabrication, fraud, theft, attempted murder.

Sierra: Stalking, s*xual assault, s*xual harassment, aggravated assault, theft, negligence, arson, animal abuse.

If this gets 15 likes I’ll make a part 2 :3 times are rough I need likes guys

[frizzle-mcshizzle]

the first 4 kotlc books summarized in the most unhinged way possible, because it’s been like 6 years since i’ve actually read them

Keeper: You’re an elf Sophie, you have to live with your new guardians who have a pet t. rex, have fun being an outcast at school, secret messages from your creators?!? actually you where dumb and went near fire and now your guardians don’t want you :(. oh no child kidnapping!! girls first time almost dying in elf land!! she gets to stay in elf land and gets adopted happy ending YAY!!!

Exile: girl finds a magic HORSE, girl goes to prison to vist a ✨psychopath✨ and make him go 🔥insane🔥 because that’s a job for a 12yo!?! oh no she accidentally causes a man to go insane from guilt (his children hate her now) oh no she’s allergic to MIRRORS, time to go on a field trip on your magic horse and meet a old man in a cave, oh no the bad guys attack!!!, SHE CAN TELEPORT?!?, fixes the man she broke though the power of happiness and 💕 love 💕 the last non cliffhanger of the entire series 

(12 year old girl attacked by 5000 year old man happens sometime in these two books)

Everblaze: time to fix the psychopath you made go insane, oh no, he committed arson and killed somebody important!!! ogre king puts the fun in funeral by announcing his intention to commit mass gnomeocide and the girl commits WAR CRIMES FOR THE FIRST TIME (she should have known better you can’t even blame this on lack of elf lessons), your best friend is tricked into to making a torture device just👏 for👏 you!! the council is making you wear it as a punishment!! your dead adoptive sister was killed by her fiancé!?!, oh no your new dad is trying to kill him, you 🔥destroy🔥your torture device and plan to join a rebel organization, you are 13 years old, this is the start of the series cliffhangers 

Neverseen: children join rebel organization by following a old man through paris, ✨surprise✨ a mother stowed away with them (she knocks the man on his ass), boys fight over girl and end up being forced to basically kiss through their magic breathing tube for a unknown amount of time, T R E E H O U S E S!!!!, children meet the leaders (that they definitely don’t already know under different names), 🦄ALICORN SEX SCENE!!!🦄 the rebel leaders take the kids on a field trip! (it’s a prison brake), OH NO!! one of the hot boys™️ get stabbed by B U G, family puke party while he gets better, the children go to prison school for the man who they failed to prison brake!! Girl set herself on 🔥FIRE🔥 (don’t tell her parents), they meet twins!! one was bansihed for property damage and not because there’s society has no ability to teach overpowered middle schoolers hot boys™️ big brother comes to visit!! they go on ANOTHER field trip and this time Commit MORE WAR CRIMES, oh no!!! the big brother is actually evil!! oh no!! Tree lady activates tree power to save the other tree people!! 

part two

[mikasa-imadebiscults]

Can I get a dadzawa comfort fic where the readers mom was a villian and dad was actually good and they recently had to fight there mom when they escaped police and after beating her reader has a meltdown in the dorm commen area in the middle of the night

🍁

(Hello, 🍁 Anon!! I really hope you enjoy this, I’m kinda proud of this fanfic)

A Good Person..

(Warning: This is PLATONIC, swearing, and mentions of injuries)

The school day went by painfully slow, seconds felt like minutes and minutes felt like hours. You were in English class, tapping your pencil against the desk lightly as you listened to Present Mic teach about todays grammar lessons until Principal Nezu’s voice came on the intercom.

“Y/N L/N, please report to my office, I repeat, Y/N L/N please report to my office. Thank you.”

You were confused by this, why would Principal Nezu want to speak with you out of all people? You put your pencil down and got up from your desk, your fellow classmates giving you confused and concerned looks as you walked by.

You arrived at the Principal’s office and knocked on the door, opening it when you heard Nezu’s voice give you permission to come on in.

When you walked in you saw a couple police officers standing in the office while Principal Nezu was sitting down on his chair. “Have a seat, L/N.” Nezu calmly said, gesturing to the chair in front of him.

A man with short hair stepped closer to you, “My name is Detective Tsukauchi, we found out what happened to your mother.” He said, looking at you with empathetic dark eyes.

“Is everything alright? Is she okay?” You questioned, concern lacing your voice as you saw the detective’s facial expression. You hadn’t seen your mother in a few months now, you and your father were scared for her well-being so you guys filed a missing person report.

“Well I’m very sorry to inform you but it turns out that your mother is a villain. She committed about twenty counts of murder, six counts of arson, and possession and use of illegal Quirk enhancing drugs.” Tsukauchi explained.

“No..no this can’t be..” You mutter, struggling to find the right words to say.

“I know that this is most likely going to impact your mental health terribly, so I grant you permission to take a couple weeks off of school if you desire. I will inform your teachers of the situation so they are not left in the dark.” Nezu informed.

You felt tears start to build up in your eyes but you denied them to fall. You couldn’t believe it. “Thank you Principal Nezu, I think I really need that break. Is there anything else I need to know?”

....

You left Nezu’s office, it’s been about two hours. The police interrogated you, asking a few questions about your family history before allowing you to leave. The school day still hasn’t ended but you really didn’t have the energy to finish up the day so you just went back to the dorms, not even bothering to retrieve your backpack.

As you were walking outside to your dorm, you felt a strangely familiar presence nearby. Thinking that it was just paranoia, you decide to ignore it.

All of a sudden, you hear a voice from behind you, “Y/N.”

Your eyes widened at the voice, turning around quickly you saw her. You saw your mother. She looked disappointed in you, disappointed and disgusted at the looks of a future hero.

“Why mother, why would you do this?!” You exclaimed, tears threatened to fall from your eyes.

“You don’t need to know, but I need to get rid of you. You’re way too dangerous so I’m not sorry for what I’m about to do.”

Before you even had time to process a little of what she had just said, she sprinted towards you preparing for an attack. No matter who she was to you, you’re forced to fight her here and now.

You managed to swiftly dodge her attack and use your Quirk to knock her off balance and throw her off. Without any hesitation, you ran towards her at the fastest speed you’ve ever ran before and hit her hard on her neck, causing a brief loud cracking noise to fill the air and your mother to instantly lose consciousness.

You see your mother on the ground, questions started racing through your head, why in the world would she do this to you? Those questions running through your head stops when you heard the sounds of sirens. Looking behind you, you saw police cars coming to the scene.

Most likely a bystander walking by witnessed what was happening and contacted the authorities. You huff in annoyance, you were already so so tired you didn’t want to deal with the lectures that the police are gonna give you for fighting without a Heroes License.

....

You had finally arrived at your dorm room. After that shit show that happened and the long lecture from the police, you were exhausted. You take your phone from your back pocket and place it on your bedside table, you decide to take a nap for a few hours to relieve the fatigue feeling you felt.

As soon as you closed your eyes you heard your phone ring, “God dammit, can’t catch a break today.” You look at the number and it was your father.

“Hello?”

“I’ve heard about the fight between you and your mother. As you already know, the police took her to the hospital so they could treat her wounds.” He took a deep breath in before speaking once more, “I received intel that you hit her so hard that she unfortunately is now paralyzed from the spinal injury.”

What? No way in hell. This is a dream, right? This isn’t happening you are just asleep having a god awful nightmare.

“O-oh..I..see. I got to go now, bye.” You barely managed to say as your throat began to tense up. You end the call and place your phone on the bed, getting up to go to the kitchen so that you can get a drink to help with your tensed up throat.

You went to the dorm room kitchen and got a glass of water, bringing the glass up to your lips to take a sip you began to think-

How could you do this to her? Couldn’t you just have controlled yourself and gone a lot more gentle? What was fucking wrong with you? You are a terrible person. You aren’t a hero. You aren’t a human being anymore. You are a monster.

*BANG!!* The glass you were holding slipped out of your hand and shattered all over the ground, but the loud intrusive thoughts were consuming your mind. It consumed your mind so much that you didn’t even notice your homeroom teacher standing nearby.

Warm tears flooded your vision before rolling down your cheeks, your legs became more and more wobbly by the second.

“L/N-” Aizawa cut himself off as he ran towards you, catching you before you fell on the shattered glass. He walked you to the common room couches and sat you down.

“Nezu informed me of the situation with your mother so I came to check up on you. Don’t worry about making up any assignments, right now just focus on getting better.” He said, putting his hand on your shoulder.

You couldn’t say anything so you got up from the light green couch and hugged your teacher tightly, which caught him by surprise but he returned the gesture.

“I’m the whole reason why she’s paralyzed. I should’ve just ran from the fight and went to a Pro Hero but instead I seriously injured her. I seriously injured my own mother. I’m a monster.” You confess, you couldn’t even hold your own thoughts in anymore.

Aizawa’s face softened as he heard your words, “L/N, you are not a monster. You are a human being, you make mistakes and that’s normal. Take all of those mistakes and learn from them to grow stronger.”

There was silence for a minute, the only noises existing in the large room were the sounds of you sniffing and sobbing, until Aizawa spoke up.

“Listen I’m here problem child, don’t ever feel like you have to go through this alone. You have your classmates, your father, and me here if you ever need to talk.”

You wanted to say something, but couldn’t. All you could do at the moment was cry until there were no tears left. You are glad Aizawa actually comforted you instead of just saying to just calm down so you are grateful for him. Grateful that a caring and thoughtful person like Mr Aizawa is your teacher.

Masterlist

[galaxywrites]

ㅤㅤ ㅤ incorrect quotes from my freed revenants au!

ㅤㅤ ㅤsome may be nsfw! just a warning!! color-coded.

──────────────────────────────

Kabal: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?

Kabal: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies.

Jade: Socks are Feetie Heaties.

Liu Kang: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties.

Stryker: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies.

Kitana: Stamps are Lickie Stickies.

Tomàš: I hate you guys so much.

-

Jade: You know, there’s something weird going on with your face?

Tomàš: What?

Jade: You’re smiling! I didn’t know you could do that

-

Tomàš: Be careful, I thrive on negative attention.

-

Tomàš: Well, has Jade been wrong before?

Kitana: How wide are we willing to open this up?

-

Stryker: Liu Kang, can I ask you a question?

Liu Kang: You just did.

Stryker: Okay, can I ask you two questions?

Liu Kang: You just did.

Stryker, frustrated: OKAY, CAN I ASK YOU FOUR QUESTIONS?!

Liu Kang: You just did.

Stryker: When?!

Liu Kang: Just now.

-

Kabal: I have a bad feeling about this...

Tomàš: What do you mean?

Kabal: Don't you ever get that little voice in your head that tells you if you're going to get into trouble?

Tomàš: No?

Liu Kang: That actually explains so much.

-

Kabal: I couldn't do this without you, Tomàš.

Tomàš: Sure you could. Not as stylishly, of course.

-

Tomàš: The path to inner peace begins with four words… not my fucking problem.

-

Kabal: Get in, loser, we’re committing vehicular manslaughter!

-

Liu Kang: Might I make a suggestion you possibly won’t like?

Tomàš: Do you make any other kind?

-

Kitana: What are you two arguing about this time?

Stryker: He's always using common phrases incorrectly!

Tomàš: Cry me a table, Kurtis.

-

Tomàš: We wouldn’t last two minutes without Nightwolf.

Tomàš:

Tomàš: Don't tell him I said that.

-

Tomàš: I love saying 'fuck me' because it can either be sexual or self-loathing and those are two things that describe me perfectly.

-

Tomàš: Fight me!

Kitana, standing behind him and holding her fans: *mouths* Do not.

-

Kabal: Yesterday, I overheard Nightwolf saying “Are you sure this is a good idea?” and Tomàš replying “Trust me,” and I have never moved from one room to another so quickly in my life.

-

Stryker: *falls down the stairs*

Kitana: Are you okay?

Liu Kang: Stop falling down the stairs!

Tomàš: How’d the ground taste?

-

Kabal: Why cant trees give off something important like wifi??

Stryker: So fuck oxygen, I guess.

-

Tomàš: Are you a masochist or a sadist?

Kung Lao, deadpan: I’m a Taurus.

-

Kabal: An apple a day keeps the doctor away!

Tomàš: An apple a day can keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough.

-

*During a game of Hangman*

Tomàš: Nope, there’s no Q. You lose.

Stryker: Are you kidding me?! You can still add something!

Tomàš: I already added a belt, four earrings and an extra arm! YOU LOSE!

-

Jade: Can you pass the salt?

Tomàš: Can you pass away?

Jade: Too much salt.

-

Kung Lao: Am I in trouble?

Liu Kang: Take a guess.

Kung Lao: No?

Liu Kang: Take another guess.

-

Kabal, trying to comfort Tomàš: What's the problem? Anxiety? Low self-esteem? Obsessive thoughts of random arson? I've been there.

-

Stryker: Why would you think any of this was a good idea?!

Tomàš: Probably because I’m a trained assassin with a long history of violence.

Stryker: Oh...

Jade, from across the room: I don’t understand how you keep forgetting that.

-

Tomàš: Can you recommend a book that'll make me cry?

Kabal: General Mathematics 8th Grade Edition.

-

Nightwolf: You three, explain right now.

Tomàš: It was Kabal.

Jade: It was Kabal.

Liu Kang: It was Kabal.

Kabal:

Kabal: …fuck.

-

Tomàš: Wait a minute, how did this happen? We're smarter than this!

Enenra: Apparently, we're not!

-

Kung Lao: Truth or dare?

Tomàš: Truth.

Kung Lao: How many hours have you slept this week?

Tomàš:

Tomàš: Dare.

Kung Lao: Go to sleep.

Tomàš: I don't like this game.

-

Nightwolf: I'm going to ask you to be respectful.

Tomàš: I will politely decline.

-

Liu Kang: Did you buy eggs like I asked?

Tomàš: Even better!

Liu Kang: What the fuck did you-

Tomàš: *holding up a chicken* Her name is Fluffy.

-

Liu Kang: Hey, are you free?

Kung Lao: No, I’m expensive.

-

Stryker: Want to hear a hard riddle?

Kung Lao: Sure.

Stryker: A rooster laid an egg on a roof. Which way did it roll?

Kung Lao: ...down?

Stryker: N-

Tomàš: Who cares about which way it rolled, it would be scrambled eggs by then.

Stryker:

Stryker: No, it's that roosters don't lay eggs... Jesus Christ...

-

Stryker: Do you take constructive criticism?

Kabal: No, only cash or credit.

-

Jade: Just be yourself. Say something nice.

Tomàš: Which one? I can't do both.

-

Nightwolf: One time I went to hand Jade a bowl of soup. I wanted to say “Careful, it’s hot!”, and “Here’s your soup!”, so instead I blurted out “Careful it’s soup.”

-

Tomàš: You're right.

Jade: That's... That's an unusual phrase for you. Did you just learn it?

-

Stryker: Anyone else feel good when their brain releases a bunch of endorphins?

Jade: Can't relate.

Tomàš: Why would my brain release a bunch of dolphins?

-

Tomàš: Liu Kang! Kabal got that thing on the control panel working!

Liu Kang: Wow! That looks pretty impressive.

Tomàš: Yeah!

Liu Kang: Any idea what it does?

Tomàš: Not a clue.

-

Tomàš: Where is my fucking mask?

Kabal: Tomàš, guests are around, can you say it a little nicer?

Tomàš: May I ascertain the whereabouts of my FUCKING MASK?!

-

Liu Kang: I don’t think we can mansplain, manipulate, or malewife our way out of it this time.

Kitana: *cracks knuckles* Manslaughter it is!

-

Tomàš: I wouldn’t wish that upon my worse enemy!

Tomàš: Unless of course. . We’re talking about our enemy, Quan Chi. Fuck you Quan Chi, you know what you did!

-

Tomàš: Tired of just deserving better. Gonna start taking it by force.

-

Stryker: Wow, Kano really hates us.

Kabal: Yes, perhaps he's homophobic.

Stryker: But we’re not gay, Kabal.

Kabal:

Stryker:

Kabal: We’re not?

-

Tomàš: Is having a penis fun?

Kabal: It has its ups and downs.

Stryker: Sometimes it’s a little hard.

Kung Lao: It’s a pain in the ass.

Jade: Oh, Jesus, fuck, guys, come on.

-

Kitana: What does 'take out' mean?

Liu Kang: Food.

Stryker: Dating

Tomàš: Murder

Kabal: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD.

-

Nightwolf: Good responses for being stabbed with a knife?

Stryker: Rude.

Kabal: That’s fair.

Tomàš: Not again.

Jade: Are you going to want this back?

-

Nightwolf: What do you think Kabal will do for a distraction?

Stryker: He’ll probably, like, make a noise or throw a rock. That’s what I would do.

*Building explodes and several car alarms go off*

Stryker: ... or he could do that.

-

Kitana, carefully running a brush through Tomàš' hair: Did no one teach you how to manage your hair properly?

Tomàš, shrugging: The Lin Kuei elders just said brush it with your fingers, it'll be fine.

Tomàš: When Cyrax joined, he used to do it. But I haven't seen him here in the Netherrealm, so I just assumed his soul didn't end up here.

Kitana: ... We need to teach you a proper hair routine.

Tomàš: Say what now?

-

Tomàš: Did you just call me a shrimp, you asshole?! I'm still growing, dammit!

Enenra: You stopped growing when you were fourteen!

-

Enenra: What’s sexting?

Tomàš: I'm not having this conversation with you.

-

Stryker: Are you okay?

Kabal, crying: Yeah, it was just the onions.

Stryker: *Picks up an onion* What the fuck did you say to Kabal?

-

Kitana: There are no friends when playing board games. I am here to win.

-

Kitana: I am going to need you to swear-

Kabal: Fuck.

Kitana:

Kitana: ...swear as in promise.

-

Stryker: The Ocean is a soup.

Tomàš:

Tomàš: Do elaborate.

Stryker: What are needed for something to be a soup?

Tomàš: Erm... Water, salt, some form of vegetation, and personally I prefer some meat in mine.

Stryker: *Tilts head*

Tomàš: The Ocean is a Soup.

Stryker: The Ocean is a Soup.

-

Nightwolf: I swear to god I'm the only one here with a braincell.

Stryker, Liu Kang, Kabal, and Kitana: ALL HAIL the keeper of the sacred braincell!

-

*Everyone is playing a board game together*

Kabal: I will put 'A' down to make 'A'.

Tomàš: I will add onto your 'A' to make 'AT'.

Kung Lao: I will add onto your 'AT' to make 'RAT'.

Kitana: I will add onto your 'RAT' to make 'BIOSTRATAGRAPHIC'.

Kung Lao: *flips the board*

-

Kabal: *banging a pen on the table out of frustration*

Stryker: Stop that. How would YOU feel if I banged you on the table?

Kabal: I—

Kabal: I don’t know the correct answer to that question.

-

Kitana: Don't break someone's heart, they only have one.

Tomàš: Break one of their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

[imajinacxic888]

Just watched the 7th episode of AthaAllAlong so...

Last time it was fun to say what was on my mind the first time so this time i took notes as the episode progresed

(still clueless about how to pirate screenshots so you have to still bear with me)

Right of the bat super homosexual the title of the episode ngl

IS LILIAN A QUEEN (YASSSSSS)

WHERE IS RIO INDEED (BILLY IN MY MIND: WHERE IS YOU HOE AT?)

YOUR MOTHERS EX?

Billy I respect your point of view regarding Wanda but please you are the literal embodiment of her reasons to do everything

ASK A STRAIGHT LADY HELLO!?????

The castle is so pretty

BILLY QUESTIONING HER AND HER LOOK, SHE IS SO HURT BY HIM DOUBTING HER

Their outfits are so fucking gorgeous it should be illegal

“She’s based on me you know” for the gay allegations? (“prove it” Billy don’t be like that)

Billy is a terrible protagonist of a horror movie

Do nobody ever check all of their surroundings when entering a fricking gorgeous goth castle?

Not the evil queen laugh

I knew you two would survive

Five-minutes-ago-lilia would commit arson for you and then forget you ever existed

Ohhhhhhhhh- now it makes sense

Subway-station?

Oh, five-minutes-ago lilia was ten-minutes-after lilia yep that checks out

Goddamit Lilia I like you too much for this to be the end

Omg their outfits are so cute

“Teenager” “Omg she used his full name” I’m dying

My mind is also loud all the time

“this is so offensive” “be culturally offended later” actually the best time to be culturally offended is when sharing anecdotes so yes get offended later

We are going to be just as exhasperated as Jen by the time this episode ends with how much we are going back to this fucking tunnels

“I’m the queer-ent” guys this show is the peak of television I’m telling you-

God-like-nun is the best (goddamit not the Victorian era common fever)

All the gaps finally make sense

The salem seven walk so fucking funny I cannot take them seriously

“my coven” seriously? Right after half of it is dead ?

Not fucking alice man

Jen having all the power we know she had

Not Agatha- when billy- Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhaaaa- Thanks so fucking ahhhhh (is her card in the same position as if she was holding a baby or is it just me?)

Oh so Billy is a fucking butterfly

YESSSSSSSSSSSS queen I knew you will appear in this episode

Oh noo what a shame she was death all along, who would have thought (HOLY FUCKING SHIT SHE IS GORGEOUS IN HER DEATH FORM)

How all of them look at Agatha for confirmation (I like the bad boys!????? Oh THEY FUCKING-)

I adore this amazing shots

Welp the creepy coven is dead and also my last comfort character in this series

Oh so time in a bottle hitting right in the feels

[youling-the-ghost]

sfth incorrect quotes pt.7 because I haven't made these in *checks notes* ALMOST A WEEK?!?!

Sam: My hands are cold. Luke: Here, let me hold them. Sam: My lips are cold too. Luke: *covers Sam's mouth with his hand* Luke: I wasn’t that drunk. AJ: You colored my face with a highlighter because you said I was important. Luke: BECAUSE YOU ARE! Tom: Mint is just cold spicy. The Squad: ... Sam: What the actual fuck is wrong with you.

Tom: Do you think different paints have different tastes? Luke: They do. AJ: ...Why did you say that with such certainty? Luke: Don’t say a word. Sam: Fergalicious. Luke: Sam, I said no words. Sam: Oh, I see how it works. Two weeks ago, we’re playing Scrabble, it’s not a word, now suddenly it is a word because it’s convenient for you. Sam, to the Squad: The real secret to immortality? Not dying. You want to be immortal? Okay, that’s easy. Just don’t die. That’s it. Refuse to die. There you go. AJ: But how- Sam, ignoring him: "But how", you may ask. Well, easy. Just don’t do it. Refuse to. Say "no thanks". Luke: Am I a boy? Am I a girl? It doesn't matter. I'm going to burn your house down. (yes I'm continuing with the "Luke is an arsonist" bit) Sam: Look, Tom, it's the third time this week you had a mental breakdown and its Monday. Luke: Fight me! AJ: Ha, look at your size! What are you gonna do, kick my ankle? *Later* Tom: Why is AJ crying? Sam: Luke kicked him really hard on the ankle. Police Officer: You have the right to remain silent. AJ: I choose to waive that right! AJ: *screams* Tom: Dude, I will never forgive Craigslist for banning me after I wrote a post seeking a sworn nemesis. Whoever reported that is obviously my nemesis but I was so pissed. Sam: Hey! Tom: What do you want? Sam: Remember what we were talking about yesterday? Tom: Nope. Tom: Be kind. Everyone is fighting their own battles. Luke: Why would I be kind? I will be brutal and relentless and ride into battle by their side! AJ & Luke: *"accidentally" set the kitchen on fire* AJ: We need an adult! Luke: AJ, you are an adult! AJ: We need an adultier adult! Get Tom! Tom: Sam, keep an eye on Luke today. He's going to say something to the wrong person and get punched. Sam: Sure, I'd love to see Luke getting punched. Tom: Try again. Sam, sighing: I will try to stop Luke from getting punched. AJ: So are you gonna explain how the hell you crashed my car? Luke: Well we were driving and there was a deer in the road, so I said "Sam, deer!" AJ: ...And what did Sam do? Luke: ...He said "Yes, Honey?" (when gay chicken goes too far, but not in the way you were expecting) Sam: Why does my arm shake and turn bright red when I’m eating dirt? Tom: Tom: Why are you eating dirt? Sam: Did I ask you if I should eat dirt? No, so answer my question. Luke: I hate Sam. Tom: Don’t say hate. That is a mean word. Luke: Fine, I LOATHE Sam. ("Sam is full of shit." - Luke Manning, Discord Q&A, 2024) Sam: There is no i in happyness... Tom: There is if you fucking spell it right. Luke: watching their house burn down Luke: Luke: *starts filming* Waddup, guys, welcome to my vlog, today's topic: how to get away with accidentally committing arson because you forgot Spaghetti O's cans are metal and thus non-microwavable! Step one: deny everything. (I'm determined to make arsonist!Luke a reccuring joke) Tom: Go ahead, Sam. Let it out, cry. If you don't, your tear ducts will get blocked up, and then when you get old, you won't be able to cry. AJ: Just when we thought it was safe to let you back into the conversation. Sam: All right, AJ, that’s it, you’re grounded! I found a rap album hiding under your bed and it was the clean version. I didn’t raise you to be such a nerd! AJ: I’m not even your kid- ("I get my motherfricking baby back, baby back-") Sam: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl. Luke: Okay. Sam: And make out during the scary parts. Luke: Th- Luke: The scary parts. Luke: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl. Sam: You guys worried about Tom? AJ: Totally! Luke: Yeah, he called me in the middle of the night and just yelled, "what do I do, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?" Sam: And what'd you say? Luke: "I dunno, I dunno, I dunno, I dunno." AJ: Sam: He's lucky to have you as a friend. Some guy, to Luke: Look at you! All cute and small! I could just eat you up! Luke: *proceeds to kick them in the shin and run away* Sam, walking past: Rule number 1, don't call Luke cute or small.