#edit: realized i wrote who's instead of whose

[walrus150915]

"Ballister..."

"Whose goddamn white baby is that"

[poutysprouty]

Stalker!Gojo

“I’m imagining them sneaking inside trying to take an article of clothing only to find their clothes in the closet.” — In which reader is just as obsessed with Gojo as Gojo is with her.

warnings: 18+ MDNI. Stalking, NSFW, mentions of panty stealing, broken beds, and male masturbation.

a/n: I was watching a video on Tiktok about stalking your stalker right back & the above quote was one of the comments. I got inspired and ran to write this! This is my first time writing something like this so please go easy on me. Very much NOT edited I wrote it & then posted it.

Stalker!Gojo who first saw you at the local library. If anyone were to ask him about it, he’d say it was love at first sight! You were so pretty, so precious, your voice so melodic, making his heart race. He wouldn’t mention the fact that he hadn’t even spoken to you—no, he had been hiding in the shelves a few feet away while you were chatting with your friend over one of your latest reads.

Stalker!Gojo who, from that moment on, makes it his mission to find out everything about you—ignoring the fact that he was stalking you instead of actually approaching you.

Stalker!Gojo who rationalizes his actions by telling himself he was too nervous to approach you. You were so pretty, so perfect, that he knew he’d be a stuttering mess and probably ruin any chance he had with you.

Stalker!Gojo who stopped caring entirely the moment he caught a glimpse of you through your bedroom window, your matching lacy bra and panties causing all of his blood to rush straight south.

Stalker!Gojo who swears to himself that he was only driving by on his way to the store to get milk when he saw it. He conveniently ignored the fact that driving past your home on the way to the store took him twice as long as his old route.

Stalker!Gojo who couldn't stop himself from pulling over and parking across the street to deal with his little big issue.

Stalker!Gojo whose thoughts are flooded with the image of you on your knees for him, his hands replaced by yours in his mind as he works himself closer and closer to climax.

Stalker!Gojo who cums way faster & harder than he has in his entire life, making a mess all over his expensive leather seats. But he couldn’t care less—not when you were now completely nude, slipping on what looked like an entirely too flimsy pair of pajamas.

Stalker!Gojo who quickly drove off before you could see him. And before he did something he’d regret later—like march up to your front door, break the damn thing off of its hinges, and fuck you on the closest surface.

Stalker!Gojo who spends the rest of the night fucking his hand, wishing it was you, and ending up shooting blanks before the night is over.

Stalker!Gojo who continues watching protecting you for the next few months, content with his routine.

Stalker!Gojo who recently started dropping by your house when he knew you were gone, picking the lock on your front door so he could slip into your bedroom and steal a pair of your used panties.

Stalker!Gojo who always returned the panties he borrowed when he came to take a new pair. The old pair was always freshly washed—even if he so badly wanted to return them covered in his own cum.

Stalker!Gojo who, one day, realizes that you had moved your laundry basket into the closet. He thinks it’s odd—you’ve never moved it before.

Stalker!Gojo who is shocked as hell when he opens the closet door to see not just your laundry basket, but some of his own clothes hanging up. Clothes that he thought were missing for weeks now.

Stalker!Gojo who whips around when he hears a throat clearing behind him, seeing you standing in the doorway. That cute little smirk on your face is not helping the issue that is currently rising in his pants.

Stalker!Gojo who freezes when you step closer to him, so close he can feel the heat radiating off of your body. He gulps when you trail a finger along his arm.

Stalker!Gojo who nearly crumbles to his feet when you speak. “I wasn’t expecting to run into you here today. But since you’re here….”

Stalker!Gojo who can’t fucking believe his luck when you drop to your knees in front of him, hands reaching out to undo the buckle of his belt.

Stalker!Gojo who realizes, several hours later while the two of you are resting in your (now broken) bed with you curled up against his bare chest, that you had been stalking him, too.

Stalker!Gojo who knows for a fact that he is never letting you go after this.

[jgroffdaily]

Eight years ago, Jonathan Groff’s friend Ted Chapin took him to see Natasha, Pierre & The Great Comet of 1812 and then to dinner at Orso. There, Chapin, who was producing the “Lyrics and Lyricists” series at the 92nd Street Y at the time, asked if Groff might like to perform in an upcoming edition featuring the songs of Bobby Darin.

The question led Groff down a YouTube rabbit hole, as he watched clip after clip of the genre-busting singer-songwriter. Growing up in Pennsylvania, Groff had heard Darin’s hits, like “Mack the Knife” and “Splish Splash,” but he hadn’t realized they came from the same voice—and wasn’t convinced he’d be able to embody his energy and versatility.

“I was completely taken by Bobby’s primal ferocity, even on these old black and white clips of him performing,” Groff tells Vogue. “There was a real presence and passion. This wasn’t just a rock and roll guy, or a crooner singing songs. There was real connection in his performance style.”

When he eventually decided to move ahead with the concert, Groff began fleshing out his own primal connection to Darin. Inspired by Natasha’s immersiveness, and high off the club atmosphere of Here Lies Love at the Public Theater, he contacted the latter’s director, Alex Timbers, and got to work on what would eventually become Just in Time, which celebrated its opening on Broadway on Wednesday night at the Circle in the Square Theater.

To aid his transformation, Groff—who won a Tony for last season’s brilliant and wildly popular revival of Merrily We Roll Along—quickly learned to play both the drums and piano, and took 10 weeks of dance lessons with choreographer Shannon Lewis, whose work makes its Broadway debut with the show. But unlike the average bio-jukebox, Just in Time doesn’t require Groff to shed his unique charm. Instead, he introduces himself as the performer we know and love, then taps in and out of the Darin character.

“I knew I wanted to start the show as myself, and break the fourth wall with the audience to create that connection that Bobby was really famous for—the vibe that we’re all here today, in this present moment, and anything can happen,” Groff says. “I’m trying to evoke this real love affair between performer and audience, and that’s where the conceit of the show came from and continues to live.”

Groff’s longing to evoke the golden age of the Copacabana (Darin’s favorite) came true at Wednesday night’s performance. His best friend Lea Michele was front and center at the cabaret tables on the floor of the intimate theater—renovated to look like a luxe nightclub—before dancing with Groff during his curtain call. Around her were his Merrily co-stars Daniel Radcliffe, Lindsay Mendez, and Katie Rose Clarke, along with his old Hamilton castmates Lin-Manuel Miranda and Philippa Soo. The after-party, at Guastavino’s on the Upper East Side, was attended by LaChanze, Grey Henson, and Kevin Cahoon, who danced the night away to a live band with Donna Murphy.

Groff’s longing to evoke the golden age of the Copacabana (Darin’s favorite) came true at Wednesday night’s performance. His best friend Lea Michele was front and center at the cabaret tables on the floor of the intimate theater—renovated to look like a luxe nightclub—before dancing with Groff during his curtain call. Around her were his Merrily co-stars Daniel Radcliffe, Lindsay Mendez, and Katie Rose Clarke, along with his old Hamilton castmates Lin-Manuel Miranda and Philippa Soo. The after-party, at Guastavino’s on the Upper East Side, was attended by LaChanze, Grey Henson, and Kevin Cahoon, who danced the night away to a live band with Donna Murphy.

Excerpts from the interview:

What have you noticed about the songs Bobby wrote?

They’re really autobiographical. With “Splish Splash,” he was trying anything he could do to get a hit, and this rock and roll thing was what was slapping at the time. The legend goes that he was at this famous DJ Murray the K’s house, and Murray’s mom called and said, “I’ve got a song title for Bobby, if he can write it: ‘Splish splash, take a bath,’” and Bobby apparently wrote that novelty song in 15 minutes. He wrote a lot of jingles early on in his career, and he was almost like a savant. He could sit at the piano and just think of songs. He wrote this song “Things,” which is this bouncy, jaunty song about the dissolution of his relationship with Sandra Dee. He wrote “18 Yellow Roses,” which gestures at his future folk era, but he literally sent 18 yellow roses every day to Sandra Dee’s mom to get her on his side before he then transitioned to sending them every day to Sandra. He wrote the song “Rainin’” after he’d had this family secret revealed. [In his 30s, Darin learned that the woman he’d long believed to be his siter was actually his mother, and that he’d actually been raised by his grandmother.] He was always playing with dark, intense themes with rhythmic upbeat music, like his arrangement for “Mack the Knife.” That juxtaposition makes it feel quite dangerous and special. And then [1967’s Songs From Big Sur] doesn’t even sound like anything he’d previously done. It was like him doing Cowboy Carter—he really, genuinely genre-flipped. You really feel a lot of his self-expression and changing relationship to culture in the music that he wrote.

I feel like artists don’t really release covers that much anymore. Do you think we’re missing something from that?

That’s interesting. I feel like the first one I think of is Adele’s cover of Bob Dylan’s “Make You Feel My Love,” but you’re right. What I love about Bobby is that he really wanted to look back, and really wanted to be a legend. He wanted to be great. So he was saying, let me go swim around in the greatness that came before me, and the show highlights part of his impulse for doing that. And I do think that that’s the Lady Gaga energy of going with Tony Bennett and singing standards with him. I’m thinking about the Renaissance tour, when those four women came out and covered the Diana Ross song “Love Hangover,” or how Beyoncé has nodded to Etta James. The greats do study the greats, and make it their own, like Barbra Streisand’s Kennedy Center tribute, when Beyoncé sings “The Way We Were.” It’s always so moving to me when modern artists do that. Look at Sabrina Carpenter, who was just in that truck with Dolly Parton. There is still that energy in the air, a little bit, for the greats. It’s what we’re hoping to do with Bobby Darin. The impetus wasn’t doing a biomusical that feels like a museum piece. We want it to feel current and present, not like a dusty lookback. Gracie Lawrence is playing the role of Connie Francis, and it’s actually a perfect example of the tone of the show. Connie had this iconic voice, and Gracie’s not doing an impression, but she’s honoring her through nods in her performance, while bringing her own unique talent that is quite timeless and quite old-school, ultimately. That’s the kind of razor’s edge we’ve been riding in the development of the show.

[lovckett]

I've been really enjoying your fanfic fractured continuity and because I'm a nosey af guy (and because I'm a weirdo who likes asking these things of fanfic authors whose stories I like) what's your writing process? Even though the whole thing in your fic is that things are repeating, each chapter still feels fresh and new.

hi hi hello !!! and im glad to know you've been enjoying my work (: my apologies in advance for the long rant !

for my writing process : to provide context , i use one document in google docs and have a multitude of seperate tabs !!!

each tab is a different fic i'm currently working on — the tabs labeled " NOTES " are where i put my messy drafts and ideas , which is what i do before writing the actual story !! for these , i usually just word spam and i do not put much care into making it intricate ; my main goal is to get the idea across .

i start each chapter by writing the " core " plot of that specific chapter first ...

and then i surround those " core plots " with more detail after i manage to haphazardly get my idea down !!

my goal for each chapter i write is around 7k words — i do not strictly stay in my drafts before writing the official thing . after i get a giant chunk of things jotted down , i switch over to my official story tab , and i rinse and repeat until i reach my goal !!!

and i am aware my story is tagged as not-beta-read — this is because i'm usually too tired to reread the story AGAIN , so i usually just make minor edits to already existing chapters on ao3 when i feel like it and when i have the time to (: . sometimes , while i edit , i will add more details that i did not add before [ like with the comm-messages in the beginning ] !!!

for how each chapter is fresh and new : before i started writing this , i actually thought about how i would go about the concept of writing repeated-time-loops for a while without it being boring to read and tedious to write .

my first choice was just to write orion going through a multitude of repeated time loops as short excerpts before something happens where orion realizes fully what's going on , and then the main " plot " being orion and his friends going through silly loops like the fic i was inspired from !!! but the idea of doing that felt a little boring and unoriginal to me , because it would eventually just devolve into a bunch of short multi-one-shot-amalgamation .

so i decided , what if i actually wrote out orion's first experiences with time loops in full detail ? and , cue the fanfare , fractured continuity has been born !!!

for repeated time loop fics , i do not think the concept of how a character would feel during those first few loops is very well-explored , which is probably partially why each of my chapters feel so new — i make an active effort to explore those hypothetical feelings , which is especially fun with a character like orion pax !!!

the actual main reason for the lack of repetitiveness is because uhm . well . this feels a little silly to say but i get bored easily and i tend to find ways to sidestep or shortcut through as many things as i can that i have already written about ( this is why in his second loop , orion Awoke directly before meeting alpha trion instead of all the way in the beginning !!! i excuse this as that sometimes Awakening times can differentiate and do not happen at the same time constantly . )

NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT : and i apologize for my messiness and ranting again , i am walking home while typing this out ( do not copy me ) ( this is an unsafe practice ) — the flexibility that the Infinite Time Loops Concept gives me is probably another factor toward this !!! i can give perfectly reasonable explanations for plotholes ive accidentally created and they will make legitimate sense without making it feel as though i am slapping tape over it all !!!

i do not think i have anything further to say . i hope my explanation is at least somewhat tangible !!

[goldenlinesims]

A few things about SBL - Gen 1 before we move on to the Jang women's story or… Director's Cut of SBL - Season 1

. First of all: I only started this gameplay because my original gameplay that I intended to post on tumblr every week turned to dust when both saves I used (the one for the game itself and the one I use for extra scenes) got corrupted after one of the game updates. Rest in peace, NSB. . I picked up Struck By Love Legacy after getting hooked on @pamsimmer's gameplay, whose writing I'm a big fan of. After finishing the second generation(?), I decided I wanted to try the challenge too. . I decided that I was going to have a more scripted gameplay experience instead of just embracing the chaos of the game and seeing what happens. Currently, Generation 2 has a five-page script written by hand in my personal planner. . All my gameplay is edited using Photopea and Canva - and you can see the exact moment I start using Canva pro and when I stop using it ASJOIDJLDH I'M SO SORRY. . When I started planning Somi's generation, the first thing I knew for sure was that I would use Seventeen's song 2 Minus 1 as the post-divorce montage. I'm a multifandom kpoper, so I couldn't help myself and just make associations. After a while, I decided that the entire "soundtrack" for generation 1 would be Seventeen songs. . I created Somi as if she were Korean. The whole background is made as if she and Beau and everyone else were from a coastal city, sometimes I think of it as Jeju. I know that Tomarang is mostly inspired by Indonesia, Malaysia, Thailand and other countries, but I didn't want to use Mt. Komorebi as a starting point because I see it as a Japanese world. So I wrote in my lore that part of Tomarang is like South Korea - or Jeju Island. . I struggled a lot to accept that Beau and Somi wouldn't be endgame. I thought about making them go to couples therapy and then the two of them getting together. But then two things happened: thanks to one of my mods that I have no idea what it was, as soon as Beau met Evelyn, I got the notification that "Beau has chemistry with Evelyn", and that never happened with Somi. And then I realized that even using the soulmates mod, he and Somi never imprinted on each other. So I took it as a sign that it really wasn't meant to be. Not ironically, when Somi went on her first date with James and I had her interact with him for a few seconds, the soulmates mod notified. Yep. It was definitely a sign. . Somi and all her children have names of K-pop idols, even Suho, who is just the stage name of one of the EXO members. . I introduced very few korean pronouns in the dialogues because I myself am terrible at remembering how the hierarchy works, but I made sure to write them when it comes to the Yun family because they are more traditional. . Speaking of which, the Yun family is so traditional that Jeonghwa is called Kwon and not Yun like everyone else because in Korean tradition only children have their husband's surname. . I got too attached to Somi's core and wanted to explore the Mom Squad more. Maybe one day. And shout out to one of my besties, the creator of Alex Moon-Lee. If it weren't for her, this account wouldn't even exist. . If you read all this yapping, thank you very much. And I hope you had fun and we'll see you next season. Bye!

[gradstudentdrone]

When grief hits unexpectedly

I am at a conference this week, where a book that I co-wrote was a finalist for an award and got an honourable mention. The book itself took forever to write, for a variety of different reasons - being on the job market, getting pregnant, new immigration policies, getting pregnant again, COVID...the list goes on. And the review process was rocky in that the Press sent the book to five reviewers, one of whom was somewhat hostile in that the reviewer thought my co-authors and I were being too critical of Canada's immigration policies (lol, ok, bro).

So it was great to get the book recognized and fun to celebrate and have dinner with friends in a cute restaurant.

Yet as I sit here today, trying to plan my day for the conference, I feel a wave of loss hitting me, a wave so torrential that I have to stamp it down - hard - because it would be difficult for me to get on with my day (and get on with my professional obligations during this conference) if I ride the wave out.

Because you know who would've been thrilled about the book getting recognized, who would brag about it to everyone (in an embarrassing dad way)? My dad.

Sometimes, I feel that my dad was too extra. Some examples?

A few months ago, he went to a reunion of his classmates at the University of the Philippines College of Law. One of his classmates held a prominent position in the Department of Labour, and my dad gave him a copy of my other book, on migrant domestic workers' activism. His friend politely thanked him for the book and mentioned that he would read it, and have people in his department read it too.

When said book first received a book contract, and won a 'best dissertation award/First Book Prize,' my dad emailed a newspaper columnist whose writings he followed and told them about my work (!), even sending excerpts. The columnist responded kindly and said they'd look at my work.

When planning my wedding with MOTL, and we were figuring out what giveaways to give, my dad - in utter seriousness - said that we should buy every single guest a copy of the first book I co-edited. I, of course, said no.

In all of these instances, I did what children always do: I shake my head, I internally groan, and I say, "papa, please don't." I felt embarrassed because I didn't want such a huge fuss to be made. In truth, I also wanted my dad to calm down. I'm proud, too, about my accomplishments, but can we not celebrate quietly?

Now, I realize in retrospect that part of my dad's excitement stemmed from seeing me do things that, in a different life, he might have done. You see, in his twenties, my dad received a full scholarship to do his PhD in Political Science at Harvard. Being a kid from the Philippines, this was a big deal. But because of the fact that he was already with my mom, and also because he truly loved the study and practice of law, he opted instead to be a lawyer. This was a career he loved - almost to the exclusion of everything else - and so it was the right choice for him.

But I do think seeing me do graduate work in Political Science, and then eventually become a professor in this field, was exciting for my dad. My dad was a beautiful writer, was an intensely philosophical and thoughtful, and had always told me that one of his dreams for the future was to translate works of Political Theory in Tagalog. So my journey now resembled what his journey might have been.

Anyway, here is a picture of my dad, front and centre, at my book launch last November. Now, more than ever, I am feeling the intensity of my loss.

[optiwashere]

Saturday Mind Soup + Random Fandom Ravings

Not a new music kinda day for me. Instead, I'm about to get ready to do sadly normal adult things instead of writing.

But!

I did write over the course of the week. Here's what I've been working on the past few days. I also have a question at the end that I'd love to hear your answer to, just out of sheer curiosity.

I can now just fucking call it Nightsongs lmao. I edited down two of the chapters (they were legitimately bloated) but also bulked up the second chapter a bit, so six of one half-dozen of the other.

Chapter [redacted+1] is still in the works, but I have enough buffer time to work on it that I'm not worried. It's just... a lot, emotionally.

Wrote some silly rat fluff that, of course, turned into a fic about comfort in its own way. I am far too obvious.

I'm writing a second chapter for Blades in the Night because I like the idea too much to let it sit. It's going to sit in a sorta... "complete, but open for more" status basically forever at this rate. Also, it's an excuse for smut.

Everything else has been kinda blahhhhh in my head. I have a couple ideas that I rattle around, but nothing sticks on the page. It all ends up being unreadable gunk. This annoys me because I want to write these ideas, but I get a strange block about them.

Since the rant got longer than I expected, my question was: If you read other Shadowheart/OC writers, who are your favorites? I could use the recs, because I feel like I know a handful and that's all.

I think the last bullet of my working on list is related to the "era" of fandom we're in. The fandom hype is slowing down, at least the non-Astarion fandom. Additionally, people's headcanons are starting to solidify and fanon is coalescing around... something? I really don't know what, and it's weird being completely in the dark about it.

Either way, I find myself in that space where I'm suddenly and weirdly discomfited by it all. I worry about my characterization more than usual and dedicate less time to writing than I want to because of it.

To add onto that surreal feeling, there's the realization that I don't really... know anyone in the Shadowheart/OC sphere. Is it even a corner of fandom that exists? Are there "big" Shadowheart/OC writers? There's a fair amount of fanart, but the "big" fanartists have chosen their corners which is going to cause a certain element to form around them that will be interesting to see in the future.

I could name a few writers in my general corner whose fics are very popular, but I never hear from them or see them around. I have to assume they're not very active elsewhere. IDK, it's all so bizarre and makes the fairly popular category of Shadowheart/OC feel empty. I forgot how hollow fandom spaces feel when you ignore the corner that overshadows everything else.

Every week or so, I try to find writers whose works aren't getting a ton of comments/reach and read them, commenting on the ones that I enjoy. I'm always hopeful that I'll find a rapport with those people, but it doesn't always work out that way. There's a couple people here that I know follow me from those sorts of comments, so feel free to say hello! This is mostly a weird rant.

The feelings will pass. They always do. In the moment, however, they cause blocks that don't need to be there.

[queen-of-obsessing]

My Top 10 Ultimate Merthur-Coded Songs 

#1. A Thousand Years - Christina Perri

I mean. Is an explanation really needed? She's literally singing about loving someone for an extensive amount of time. You know who also loved someone for a really long time? Merlin.

#2. Soarele si Luna - Pasha Parfeni

It literally means "the sun and the moon" in Romanian. The lyrics are "the sun and the moon will hold our wedding crown". It's a magical sounding, wedding song. Literally could be performed by the Druids at their wedding. ☀️🌑

#3. Still Falling For You - Ellie Goulding

"Fire and ice, this love is like fire and ice", "this love's never growing old, you make it new" ("you'd get bored" - merlin), "this love is like rolling the dice" (see 5x12). Need I say more? Ellie Goulding wrote this song for them.

#4. Beauty and the Beast - Emma Thompson

Who's the beauty, who's the beast? We'll never know. Either way this song perfectly encapsulates their relationship. Growing past prejudices? Realizing you were wrong? Barely even friends (then somebody bends)? Perfection. Also my brain likes to pretend it's Hunith singing instead of Emma Thompson.

#5. golden hour - JVKE

It's giving Arthur admiring Merlin's magic. His eyes literally go gold! It's his golden hour! HE SLOWS DOWN TIME!

#6. Written All Over Your Face - Louis Tomlinson

Nicknamed the "married Merthur song" because it literally sounds like Arthur in the doghouse. Like he did something shitty and now Merlin's mad at him, but not saying that he's mad at him so Arthur's like "babe, it's written all over your face??" Also the lines "a hurricane behind the door, so I've come ready for a war" and "once you figure out what we're fighting for, I'll be ready to talk".

#7. you were there for me - Henry Moodie

Pretty self explanatory. It's 100% Arthur's POV. "You were there through the heartbreaks, you were there when I lost faith, be aware i would do the same". It reminds me of 4x13 when he completely lost faith so Merlin did the sword in the stone thing to reinspire him.

#8. Superstitious - Big Time Rush

So much happening here, but this entire album is Merthur coded. This one is also Arthur POV. "i ain't superstitious but you're throwing down the magic on me" "we can run away for the hell of it" (see: the picnic and how he wants to live with merlin on a farm)

#9. Labyrinth - Taylor Swift

no idea whose POV this is - could honestly be both, but i'm tending to lean toward Merlin's. "it could only hurt this much right now" (everytime he watched someone he loves die) "i'll be getting over you my whole life" (...) "lost in the labyrinth of my mind" "you would break your back to make me break a smile" when freya died and arthur made him laugh :') "you know how much i hate that everyone expects me to just bounce back" very merlin core

#10. Neon Grave - Dayseeker

Arthur's death song if you want to cry yourself to sleep :^) this entire album is Merlin coping with Arthur's death fr literally made an edit with it, it's that perfect

[nomiqbomi]

Updated designs for Fophid and Lepignito commissioned by my friend @plus-sizedscribe! Plus a new middle form, Impodster, and 4 distinct formes that Lepignito can take, based on the environment it evolves in.

More info under the tab!

Fophid are timid creatures with many predators. Their carapace has evolved to blend in perfectly with an arboreal environment. When provoked, it wields the branch-like appendage on its abdomen like a lance. It has no venom, it's quite sharp!

Impodster attaches itself firmly to tree limbs, disguising itself as a small branch. Once it has done this, it is impossible to detach until it evolves. (It would be much easier to take the entire branch with it!) It does not budge, even after being discovered. Individuals who have camouflaged themselves poorly can often be found with leaves full of holes, made by bird Pokemon that attempted to carry them away.

When Impodster evolves into Lepignito, it takes on a perfect likeness of its immediate environment. Four unique patternings, based the biomes it occurs in naturally, have been officially recorded; however, it is believed that new patterns could be created by evolving the pokemon in a unique environment.

Even when their immediate environment does not match the markings on their wings, they somehow still manage to obscure themselves from view. Many theories have been pose as to how they are able to do this, but none have been proven, as this behavior is quite difficult to observe.

It prefers to sit motionlessly and evade detection, but when provoked, it uses its stealth to confound opponents and catch them unawares. Once the opponent has become disoriented, it flies off into the shadows, never to be seen again.

---

The line is based on the Peppered Moth, which are a famous example of natural selection that has actually been observed and recorded in real-time. The moth originally evolved to camouflage against lightly-colored trees, but a melanic mutation became more genetically favorable during the industrial revolution, when the trees became blackened with soot. After environmental standards were introduced, the white variant became common again. Today both variations can be found, and they are often mistaken for different species!

Plussized-Scribe helped conceptually with the variations/typing, with his own rom-hack in mind. I may add more variations for my own fan project.

I had originally designed Fophid to camouflage with the forest floor, but during my redesign I found out that the peppered caterpillar camouflages itself as a tree branch. I thought that was neat, to I went with that angle instead.

I also added a middle form to make it a better counterpart for the Pareyeva line who use the opposite form of self defense!

Edit: @plus-sizedscribe wrote some really great Pokedex entries for his hack that he allowed me to share here as well:

"Unlike Sewaddle, the leafy bits Fophid sport are not fashion statements, but specialized organs for camouflage. In autumn, their bodies release chemicals to redden the organs and match the foliage.

The base of the headcrest pulls double duty as a third mandible. Thus, Fophid can chew better while also maintaining camouflage, as the shaking of the crest resembles a leaf trembling in the breeze."

"Having secured themselves on a sturdy tree trunk, Impodster steadfastly await evolution. Very little can dislodge these Pokémon, which are nearly helpless if they happen to end up on the ground.

Impodster with poor camouflage are often found with leaves full of holes. These are made by naïve bird Pokémon attempting to carry them away, only to realize they picked almost the worst prey they could."

"Some people claim to have fallen for a person who always wore a long coat, only for their lover to turn out to be a Lepignito. The veracity of these bizarre anecdotes is suspect, to say the least.

Lepignito live in trees whose bark match their wing patterns. They boast different patterns to blend in with the available types of trees in the regions they inhabit. At least 25 different varieties are known."

[thebigoblin]

Everything

I'm supposed to be studying for my exams, instead I wrote this. I had to do 2 chapters! (short ones, would barely take me an hour, but still!) This might be the first installment of a series. Idk, my muse is unpredictable.

Anyways... here ya go, my fellow sterek lovers <3

PS: won't be putting this on AO3 yet, I'm not opening that again till my last exam is over. Now on AO3 after some minor edits! And wowza i did not realize this thing was more 2k words lmao. I was thinking this a lil ficlet oof.

One should never fuck with a genie, otherwise they fuck with you.

How does Stiles know this? Because he's an idiot. An idiot who rubbed the lamp even after Lydia told him not to, and asked for a wish he really wishes he hadn't. And the worst part of it all?

He's all alone now.

*

He wakes up floating in the air. He screams, because he can see the forest floor below him, and he's definitely gonna fall so he needs to brace himself—

"Where the hell are my legs?!"

"Gone," the genie giggles. She's blue in hue, white jewels around her white eyes, and she has her teal long hair in knots the same way Stiles' stomach is now. Stiles gulps. She laughs. "You wished for this, Stiles."

And with that, she's gone.

Stiles doesn't fall, but he wishes he had. Especially when he sees his dad trudging through the forest with K9 dogs, unaware of his existence even though he shouts, cries, and yearns.

His dad looks up, but never at him. He tries to touch his dad, make him aware of his existence, but all his dad does is look terrified of something Stiles doesn't know of and unaware of Stiles' mere existence.

Finally, his dad leaves, muttering, "Stupid teenagers and stupid games."

Stiles follows, because that's the only thing he can do right now.

*

Turns out, this isn't 2013, and this isn't post senior year. He's in 2011, and this is the morning after Stiles and Scott had found Laura's body and Scott had gotten bitten. Except, in this freaky world, Stiles doesn't exist.

Why would Scott even go to the forest at night if Stiles didn't force him? Scott's said it himself, that if it wasn't for him Scott never would have had to endure the life he has. He could have been normal. If only Stiles wasn't there.

And in this world, Stiles wasn't.

He gets the answer the same time Melissa gets it, her mascara smudged, wedding ring on her finger, matching his dad's, both of them sitting on the couch of Stiles' childhood home.

"We haven't located him yet," his dad is saying, voice tinged with regret and fury. "That kid. What could have been so important that he went to the forest in the middle of the night? And after I told him about the body!"

So Laura is still dead, huh. He wonders why even this world is taking from Derek, but that's forgotten when Melissa says this —

"Did you ask Jackson? He knows everything that Scott does. He must know where our son is!"

Jackson and Scott are friends in this world? What even? Stiles had always believed that he was the only thing keep Scott from being cool and popular, and now he knows this to be true. If Stiles never existed, then Scott would have had a much better childhood. And much cooler people to hand out with.

"I did. He says Scott was terrified of the killer and had wanted Jackson to come over for a sleepover, but Lydia didn't let him." At least those two are still together. "And that was the last thing Jackson and Scott talked about."

Melissa looks up, staring straight at his dad. "And?"

His dad never beats around the bush. As a cop, it's much better to be blunt than to dance around the truth, and right here, right now, he's a cop delivering a bad news to a woman whose child is missing.

"And Scott had a fight with Lydia over that, apparently, and he went to cool down at his favorite spot in town." His dad pauses, and Stiles' stomach drops out.

"Where, John. Where?"

He says in sync with his dad, "In the preserve." And then in sync with Melissa, "Damn it Scott!"

*

Scott comes home in the evening, unscratched and alive, and it seems like he hasn't been bitten, and Stiles is glad for a moment, but then he sees things. Like Scott scrunching his face on the second floor when the main door opens and shuts, Melissa leaving for work, her worries for her son soothed. Like Scott laughing at seemingly nothing, but then Stiles goes down and sees that his dad's watching a rom-com in the living room. And most damning of all, the next day, Scott does the thing with the pen. He gives it to Allison right as she enters the class, like he heard she forgot hers — even with multiple walls and a good amount of distance between where that conversation happened and where Scott was sitting in the class.

And then Stiles realizes, he never had anything to do with this. It was Scott's destiny to become a werewolf, and it doesn't matter if Stiles is there or not. It's Scott's destiny.

"His destiny was always to become a True Alpha."

He's in his not-bedroom, sitting on Scott's bed, contemplating his original wish. He was upset at the time; Scott had reinforced his belief of Stiles ruining his life, and he'd just found out about the genie lamp Lydia ordered from... somewhere. It was like fate, him wishing to never exist, so that the people in his life could have a better life without him.

He's contemplating whether or not that wish was even warranted, and what are all the implications of him never existing in this world, what else changes, and if it doesn't really; that's when the genie decides to come back, a somber look on her face.

"He wasn't."

She scares the shit out of him, her hand on his knee, comforting but cold. He shrieks, and she gives a little smile, shakes her head. Repeats, "He wasn't meant to be an Alpha."

And Stiles tells her everything.

"Me being there... it doesn't matter. He became a werewolf in this world, because it was destiny." And, "I don't impact the people around me." And, "Nobody would miss me. Nobody. I'm just a nuisance. It's great for them that I don't exist in this world."

The genie looks at him sadly. "No, Stiles," she cups his cheeks, and he lets him, lets her wipe his tears with her thumb. It's comforting, like his mother's voice or her laugh. "That's not true. You matter. You matter in ways you don't even realize."

"Do I, really? Do I?"

"Yes. Scott was never meant to be a True Alpha, but you know who is? This person." She snaps her fingers, and they're in the charred remains of the Hale House suddenly, sitting on its burnt floor. Stiles' heartbeat quickens, and he sees him then — sad, angry, and terrified, all at once, all of it in his eyebrows, his face a marble statue carved out of a constant state of paranoia.

"Derek."

"Derek Hale," the genie agrees.

"He was...? But he gave up his powers. To save Cora. And then—"

"And then Derek's power weakened. It didn't vanish. For any other Alpha, the spark would have been depleted completely, but not for Derek."

"Not for Derek?"

"Not for the greatest Alpha to walk this land since the very first Alpha that ever existed." Stiles is too stunned to speak. All he can do is look at the Derek sitting in the corner of the destroyed living room, gripping a folded photo in his hands, looking so young yet so old. Wracked with guilt and pain, so much pain.

The genie continues.

"He is Destiny's Child. The Seed of Power, The Bloom of Prosperity. He is The Phoenix, risen from flames of blood and death and betrayal. He is the True Alpha, and for him, the power would have come back."

"Then why didn't it?" His head is spinning with all the titles, his mind hysterical over them. But he's sitting with a genie in a world that isn't his own, his legs turned to a single tail like a mermaid floating in air, and he believes now.

"Because where there is light, there is darkness. Deaton used nefarious ways to steal that Alpha Spark from Derek, and with Julia's sacrifices, the Nemeton was a powerful conduit for his malpractices of magic."

"And he gave that to Scott. But why?"

"Stiles... Derek is Power. And you? You are Knowledge. You know why."

"Seed of Knowledge... He's the brawns and I'm the brains? Geez, you make it sound like we're the two sides of the same coin." The genie just looks at him, her white eyes sparkling. He decides to not focus on that, instead thinking of an answer to his own question. And then he gets it. "Having power is great... but controlling it is even better."

"One makes you accountable, the other makes you the master."

Stiles has to admit, "Deaton is smart. Shit, does this mean Scott was manipulated all this time?"

"Perhaps. But right now, I want you to focus on this: What is your destiny? You said it youself, you're the two sides to the same coin. You, my child, were correct."

"Like I always am?"

"Like you always are," she agrees, and then they're shuffling through scenes of Stiles' life like it's a goddamn movie.

Every scene is Stiles saving Derek. Or being there for Derek. Being Pack.

When Stiles spent nearly a whole day with a dying Derek in his Jeep, and almost chopped off his arm save him.

When he let Derek lay low in his own room.

The pool.

After Boyd's death.

The time he spent the whole day at Derek's loft, deliberate and silent, a shoulder to lean on, the day of the fire's anniversary.

And on and on and on.

"That's you two, existing, side by side. Now look at this."

She shows him this world's Derek. His fate.

Derek dies by Kate's bullet, untrusting of Scott to go ask for help, and too stubborn to not haul ass into the Argent's mansion to go look for the bullet himself. Unfortunately for him, Grandpa Crazy was there, too, enjoying his meal. And then later...

"I don't- I can't- Not him, please, He can't die, I—"

They're back in his not-bedroom.

"Why would you show me that?! Why the hell would you—"

"Because you matter. Humans interact every day, and maybe sometimes those interactions mean nothing. But you and him? Each one of your interactions does mean something. Your Destiny is intertwined. You are the brain to his brawns, the brawns to his brains. You're strengths of each other in a way that Ares himself envies, that Apollo sings of, that Eros prides himself on."

"What are you saying?" This is getting too much for him, now. It's one thing to be there for each other, for him to mean something in someone's life, in Derek's life... but this? Too much.

The genie smiles, teeth and all. She has vampiric teeth, except all her teeth are long-fanged. "You are each other's."

Stiles pauses. Thinks through everything that has happened between him and Derek. They're friends. Derek is a beta and he's still the annoying human, and they're always circling each other, joking and ribbing and fighting and slamming each other into surfaces. Well, the last part Derek does to him.

They're close.

They're not in love.

"Not yet,"

"Don't tell me you can fucking mind-read." He only gets a smile in return, the full-fanged one. "Okay... moving on. What do you mean not yet? And you didn't actually complete your sentence. We are each other's what?"

"You are each other's everything." The words echo all around him, inside his skin, in his bones. They hold a weight, bearing down on his chest, arms around his body, like a tight, vicious grip, and the genie repeats, "Everything."

And that's the last thing he hears out of the genie before waking up on the preserve floor, Derek staring down at him, his eyes flashing red.

Stiles blinks up at him.

"Stiles, what did you do?"

He gulps.

"Technically, I didn't do anything,"

"Stiles!"

[makeste]

“but I thought about how I needed to say this”

a.k.a. yet another meta dissection of The Apology. I actually wrote most of this up on Friday night based on the original Japanese (@pikahlua​ has an excellent translation up here, and I also used @hanashimas’ translations as a reference as well), but I wanted to wait until the official release, though that turned out to be a mixed bag to say the least lol.

I would also recommend reading @pikahlua​ and @class1akids​’ breakdowns of this scene (here and here, respectively), because they are excellent, and because if any scene deserves to have as many meta breakdowns written about it as possible, it’s this one.

anyway so here goes.

Caleb did a more accurate job with this than the fanscan, even if he did try his best to take us out of the seriousness of the moment by throwing in that swiss cheese line lol. anyway so there are two things I want to talk about here. the first is the line about Izuku not remembering, which I thought was a nice touch. of course he doesn’t remember what Kacchan said back then. he wasn’t exactly in the soundest emotional state after seeing one of the people he cares about most taking a near-fatal blow that was meant for him. I’d be shocked if he remembers anything about the aftermath (including the way he flew into a mindless rage afterwards) right up until the point when he entered the OFA Interstellar Party Void with Tomura. anyway, so I thought that was a nice callback.

and speaking of emotional states, the other thing I wanted to talk about is the part that Caleb got right which the fan scanlation didn’t. “but I had more to say.” in other words, “stop trying to win on your own” wasn’t just a one-liner; it was meant to be the beginning of a much longer speech. “there were other things that I needed to say.”

like, can we just stop and talk about that for a second. because basically what this means is that in that instant, when Kacchan pushed Deku out of the way and got impaled, his one and only thought was that he needed to apologize to Deku. his life was presumably flashing before his eyes, he had no idea if he was going to survive or not, and the only thing on his mind was how urgently he needed to make things right with his former childhood friend.

moving on!

so I have a confession to make, which is that I am relieved to see Katsuki describing this as the reason why he bullied Deku, as opposed to Horikoshi trying to retcon it into some sort of “secretly he was just trying to protect him and keep him out of harm’s way because he was worried” thing, which ngl would not have gelled very well with me. the thing is that I’m really not a fan of the whole “Kacchan Did Nothing Wrong” mentality that some fans seem to have. like, I have seen all sorts of convoluted attempts to find excuses for Katsuki’s shitty behavior, but in my view those attempts undermine what I love about his character in the first place. Katsuki is such a great character specifically because he is not perfect. his redemption arc is so compelling because he was such a giant asshole at the start. he was completely at fault, and he acknowledges this, and takes full responsibility for it. and that is fucking fantastic.

his arc is so great because it doesn’t rely on garnering sympathy by giving him a Tragic Past, or by trying to foist the blame for his behavior over on someone else. it’s an arc that acknowledges that redemption isn’t something you achieve by making people feel sorry for you; it’s something you have to earn by actively working to change and do better. and by forgoing the “misunderstood/tragic past” route, Horikoshi is making a statement that anyone can go down the wrong path, but that more importantly, anyone can also choose at any time to turn away from said path. there is only one requirement for doing so, and that is realizing that you’ve done wrong, and deciding that you want to change.

anyway, so in chapter 284 Kacchan of course had that whole speech about Deku not taking himself into account, and mentioned how that made him want to keep his distance. and a good chunk of fandom took this to mean that Katsuki’s bullying was actually a misguided response to Deku’s reckless tendencies -- sort of an “if I show him how weak and powerless he really is, I can get him to accept the reality that he’s quirkless, and that being a hero will just get him hurt or killed” type of thing. and I won’t lie, for a good while I was wondering myself if Horikoshi was really going to go down that route. and like I said, I am honestly relieved that he didn’t. not only for the reasons stated in the previous paragraph, but also because the message that would have sent -- that there are certain circumstances in which bullying can almost be excused because the bully had Good Intentions and was just trying to save the other person from themselves, and so it Wasn’t That Bad, Actually -- is all kinds of fucked up to say the least. so yeah, I’m glad we ended up steering well clear of that.

(ETA: this post was long enough already so I edited out the 3 additional paragraphs I originally wrote analyzing the dialogue from 284. but just to be clear, I’m not trying to imply that Kacchan worrying about Deku’s recklessness is a retconned thing that Horikoshi only threw into the story recently, because there are multiple instances throughout the story where he clearly is worried and in total denial of it. but I firmly believe those feelings are not what led to the bullying. they’re two separate things. Kacchan worrying about Deku is what prompts him to yell at him in chapter 1 when Deku comes to save him. but it’s not what incited him to burn his notebook and taunt him earlier in that same chapter. that action had a much meaner and more selfish motivation behind it, and I’m glad Horikoshi didn’t try to change it up last minute, because it wouldn’t have felt right.)

thankfully as of this chapter I think we can safely cross that out as a possibility, as we’re given the true explanation straight from Katsuki himself. and the truth is that he bullied Deku out of insecurity and jealousy and fear and intolerance. there was nothing noble about it. there were no good intentions concealed in his actions. there are no justifications given, no excuses offered, and no mitigating circumstances to be considered, other than the fact (which neither he nor Horikoshi bring up) that he was and is still a child, and that children make mistakes.

it’s an explanation that challenges many of fandom’s ideas on who is and isn’t eligible to be redeemed. there is no Ozai in Katsuki’s backstory. there’s no great tragedy that he spent a lifetime trying to rise above. the only villain in Katsuki’s story is Katsuki himself. the only darkness that he has to overcome is his own. and it’s challenging, because I think many people believe the only way someone can be redeemed for doing bad things is if bad things happen to them in return. but what Horikoshi is saying here is that that’s not the case. bad doesn’t erase bad. and the one and only way to truly earn redemption is by doing good.

and that’s what makes this such a phenomenal scene for me. by not shying away from Katsuki’s flaws and failings, and having him take full responsibility for them, Horikoshi keeps the apology from being self-serving, and underscores the true depth of Katsuki’s character development. the level of self-awareness he has here is something most people can only dream of. which is very fitting, as that’s perhaps the most important takeaway from his character arc -- that it’s only by acknowledging your own weaknesses and flaws that you can learn to overcome them and reach your full potential.

one last thing to point out here, which is that in the panel where Katsuki finally acknowledges his terrible treatment of Deku, Deku is not even visible. instead, Horikoshi drew the panel from a perspective that makes it appear that Katsuki is addressing this particular line not just to Deku, but to all of his classmates.

again, he shows him taking full responsibility and admitting his wrongdoings in front of the people whose opinions and approval he cares about most. and just to clarify in case there’s any confusion from Caleb’s translation, Kacchan’s wording makes it very clear that he wasn’t just “mean” to Deku, but that he full-on bullied him (he uses the same verb -- “ijimeru” (苛める) -- that he did back in chapter 284). there’s no attempt to downplay his actions here.

moving on now, this chapter also reaffirmed another thing about Deku and Kacchan’s relationship which I was glad to see revisited -- Kacchan’s unwavering belief in Deku’s ability. this is one of those paradoxical things about their relationship which I’ve always been fascinated by, but which is also kind of hard to explain, because I don’t want it to come off like I’m trying to put a positive spin on something which was unequivocally awful. like, please don’t think I’m trying to say that Katsuki’s bullying of Deku was in any way a good thing. but that being said, there’s also a strange irony at play here, which is that Katsuki’s jealousy and insecurity also betray the fact that even at his very worst, he never once underestimated Deku. he has always believed in Deku’s strength, even when that strength pissed him off and made him afraid and uneasy.

no one else -- not All Might, or even Deku’s own mom -- believed from the get-go that Deku could become a hero. but Katsuki never once counted him out, even when he was calling him a pebble in his shoe. he confesses here that even though he “tried to act superior by rejecting [Deku]”, in truth he was never able to shake the feeling that Deku was above him. long before he ever understood the concept of “win to save”, he knew instinctively that there was a strength in Deku’s heart that couldn’t be measured, and which had the potential to surpass even his own strength. and I’ve always felt that this was so important, because it’s the one aspect of their early relationship that hinted that on some level, however subconscious, Katsuki held the same type of faith in Deku that Deku always held in him. it was one of the few things that hinted at there being a possible path towards reconciliation one day. and it paved the way for the most important shift in their relationship to date, when Katsuki finally realized who Deku got his quirk from, and responded not with resentment or spite, but with acceptance.

moving on, I also really love the way we see them portrayed at the different stages of their childhood throughout this speech, and how it perfectly lines up with the dialogue. from small children (when Katsuki talks about his insecurities first manifesting), to middle schoolers (when he talks about the bullying), to high schoolers (when he talks about the past year and everything he’s learned at U.A.). Horikoshi really didn’t have to go that hard, but he did, and that’s why we love him.

and then we finally get to That Part.

where do I even start with this there are so many things omg.

the bow. this is the one and only time Katsuki has ever bowed to anyone of his own volition as far as I recall. and this absolutely is a bow, just to be clear, even though his form is straight-up garbage (very Kacchan-esque, with his feet and arms spaced apart because he’s still a punk after all). this is Kacchan showing more humility and respect than he’s ever shown to anyone else in his entire life.

regarding “Izuku”, I actually have mixed feelings about this to tell the truth. I think it was a good call here because it was incredibly effective in setting the tone and showing just how serious Kacchan is. however if he continues to use “Izuku” rather than “Deku” from here on out, that would give the impression in hindsight that all his past usage of “Deku” really was meant as an insult, which would undermine some of my favorite scenes. I would really like to believe that since DvK2 or thereabouts, Kacchan has (mostly) been using “Deku (affectionate)” rather than “Deku (useless loser)”, lol. but if he switches to the “nicer” name on a permanent basis following his apology, it implies that the previous nickname was indeed being used cruelly. and so honestly I hope this was just a one-time thing, because I do think that in Katsuki’s mind, the name “Deku” hasn’t been meant as a slight to him for a long time now.

“my truth/this is what I truly feel” -- the word Katsuki uses in Japanese is honne (本音), and if you’re familiar with the concept of honne/tatemae, that’s the same “honne” he’s talking about here. it means that he’s casting aside all of his walls and facades and expressing what he truly feels. and of course, one of the fascinating things about Katsuki’s character is that he’s the exact opposite of most people in that he chooses to put his meanness on full display to the public, and ironically it’s the kindest parts of himself which he tends to keep the most carefully guarded and hidden away. this also means that while his rage and anger are very often insincere and put on just for show, those relatively few occasions where he lets his humanity truly shine through are pretty much 100% genuine, as is the case with this one here.

and Deku’s face says it all when it comes to how powerful those moments can be as a result.

and this, right here, is why it wasn’t enough for Katsuki to atone solely through his actions, and why he needed to actually say the words as well. it’s not that the words are more important; obviously the actions are far and away the most important part, and carry far more meaning. but the reason why Katsuki needed to say the words as well is simply because Izuku needed to hear them. needed to, and deserved to, because this is one of the most important people in the world to him.

and so he deserves to know that the relationship isn’t just one-sided, and that he is just as important to Kacchan as Kacchan is to him. he deserves to know that Kacchan understands how horribly he treated him, and that he’s sorry for it. and he deserves to know that Kacchan, without any expectation of it changing their relationship -- meaning that he will continue to feel this way regardless of what Izuku says or does from here on out -- cares about him. now more than ever, with AFO out there doing everything in his power to make Izuku feel as alone as possible, this is something that he really, really needed to hear.

so this part has some interesting wordplay which neither Caleb’s translation nor the fan scanlation was really able to get across. basically, in the Japanese version, when Katsuki talks about “those ideals”, Horikoshi uses the kanji for “ideal”, but pronounces it as “All Might.” obviously the meaning of this isn’t too hard to decipher, as we all know how much both boys admire All Might. to them, he absolutely is synonymous with the Ideal. so this is a way of showing that respect they both have towards him, even as Katsuki goes on to point out the one fatal flaw that All Might was never able to overcome.

and speaking of interesting wording, as others have noted, at this point in his speech Katsuki switches from “temee” (which he was using earlier during the “your strengths and my weaknesses” part) to “omae” (“omae” being a less insulting word for “you”, though still very manly and tough-sounding), which is definitely a big deal. though fwiw this is not the first time he’s used “omae” for Deku (he switches to it briefly right after DvK2, when he tells Deku “you had the strongest guy lay the groundwork for you -- don’t lose”, and then later when they’re walking back to the dorms and he says he’ll learn and get stronger by watching everyone around him just like Deku did). it’s definitely a good choice on Horikoshi’s part though, as it makes this last part of the speech sound more earnest and sincere.

just a quick note, he does indeed use a plural pronoun here, as in “the obstacles that you can’t overcome, we will overcome.” but as @pikahlua​ pointed out, the “we” here is ambiguous -- it could either mean “we” as in class 1-A -- “we will overcome them for you” -- OR it could mean “we” as in all of them -- class 1-A and Deku. “we will overcome them together.” idk about you, but I know which one gets my vote.

anyway, and so this is the line that finally wins Deku over and allows him to let go of his fears, however briefly. what I love about this is Kacchan’s utter conviction. one thing that Caleb’s translation doesn’t quite get across is Kacchan’s use of the word morenaku -- “without exception” -- when he talks about how they’re going to save everyone and win. it echoes that same sentiment he showed back during the Joint Training arc -- that it’s not a perfect victory unless they save everyone. every last person. and he explicitly lists Deku among their number, just so there can be no doubt.

and Deku’s response to this (or at least his thoughts, since he’s not really able to get many words out) pretty much brings everything full circle here.

he acknowledges that everyone else has gotten ahead of him. which is especially meaningful given who he’s standing directly across from. because for most of the series, as we all well know, it’s been Kacchan who was woefully lagging behind Deku in the character growth department. but now Deku himself is acknowledging that not only has Kacchan finally caught up at last, but that he and the others have surpassed him. which is only temporary, I should add, as I have zero doubt that Deku will catch up again soon. but the fact remains that just as Deku’s rapid increase in strength and skill left Kacchan scrambling to keep up earlier in the series, Kacchan’s extraordinary character development has now left Deku in that same position. as All Might once put it, “when he’s starting at level one, and you’re already at level 50, it’s only natural that you’ll be growing at different rates.”

and what’s so wonderful about this though is that the two of them are finally approaching that point where they’ve both caught up to each other and are finally starting to level out. Deku is a full-on badass, and Kacchan is out here talk-no-jutsuing with the best of them. the two of them have been chasing and chasing after each other this entire time, and now they’re finally just about ready to meet in the middle at long last, with each of them fully embodying both of those two crucial aspects -- win, and save.

just about. because Deku still needs some help catching up. but seeing as help has already been offered -- and accepted -- I can’t imagine it will be very long now, and I can’t wait to see him finally overcoming those fears and doubts with his friends by his side. it’s going to be such a powerful moment.

and last but not least,

or, as I prefer,

you had one job, Caleb. flkjsdlk.

but at least this provides a good opportunity to note that unlike the “we’ll help you handle it” line earlier in the speech, here the phrasing is left up to interpretation, as he doesn’t use a pronoun. so it could be “we know”, or, as the fan scanlation put it, “I know.” or it could be both. regardless, it’s good stuff.

anyway, and so Deku passes out, and in the process Horikoshi gives us one last parting metaphor, just in case anyone still thinks Kacchan is all talk because they haven’t been paying attention for the past 322 chapters (more likely than you think). once again, Katsuki’s actions speak louder than his words (even his nice words) ever could: he is literally there to catch Deku when he falls.

so that’s it! my sincere thanks to anyone who actually read through all of my endless ramblings about this scene which I have been waiting for since day one. props to Horikoshi for taking on an impossibly difficult task, and pulling it off with all of the emotion and care and nuance that I’ve come to expect from his writing. imo he delivered on every single level with the exception of the aftermath, which I don’t consider to have actually happened yet. Deku’s part of this is definitely a “to be continued.” but yeah, as far as Kacchan’s part goes, 10/10. so fucking proud of this kid.

[shriekshrike]

oka okay okay so we have 2 weeks to ruminate right but all EYE will be doing is praying to whatever listens to dykes pray that the bells r gonna rip shit bc these fuckers r BRUTAL

mostly thinkin abt my witches n orym bc I'm Like That

witches bc cmon. imogen already didnt rlly like dusk bc of a lil green eyed monster ('are you staring because you're jealous?') and laudna because. god. ok ive had this happen to me not quite to this extent but found out that a person who like. is so. wonderful to u. is also. not. Great. and a liar and manipulator. so ure stuck in that awful limbo of nothing they say can be trusted....what does that mean for me. o u c h. also bonus: imogen is gonna wreck shit bc laudna's involved as are her feelings so uh. *tugs on collar* y i k e s dusk. also! wouldnt be surprised if imogen feels a bit responsible bc she didnt say anything to anyone when she figured it out. hmmmmm delicious (edit 9.09 AM: i realized that i wrote laudna instead of dusk when i said imogen already doesn't like [BLANK] didnt mean that, imogen wuvs laudna anyway)

orym. bc he - and there is literal proof of this - has lost. a lot and he gets attached quick and tightly. like there r times in exu and in cr3 where we get to c orym b SUPER playful and it is truly a delish opp BUT one of the first times we...rlly see him get Real Playful (and this is a reach, but im leaning across the table, but i'll bet actual money that the spar w dusk? was the same way he would blow off steam and play w will food for thought 🥹) is when he spars with dusk!! he even says it 'i havent gotten to let loose like that in a while!' and then when dusk (in the process of being rejected which did have me ahootin n ahollerin simply for the context) says 'u wanna talk abt it?' and orym goes "raincheck" like. yoinks. orym only talked abt will once with chet and it was on watch w no one awake (also worth noting: orym is so severely and fiercely protective of the ppl who r his esp in light of what his job was and how he lost will like....dusk....whomever u r...ur ass is grass and not in a fun way)

fearne. my beloved. my darling. who felt so not alone. who said 'we are practically siblings' who trusted dusk beyond a shadow of a doubt. and dusk who made fearne feel not so alone in all this. who lended juuuuust enough comfort and familiarity for fearne to latch onto, the girl who lived her whole life without her parents, missing them like a mirage, more memory than reality. the girl who saw a woman with the same face, the same eyes and hair and legs. the girl who said '90 years' when her mother said '6 years'. the girl who watches, in horror, as the person she'd come to care for as a SIBLING as someone who UNDERSTOOD HER, transform before her eyes, grab her mother and her arms, whose mother says, horrified and scared 'you led them straight to us' and fearne says back 'i'm sorry but who?'

anyway maybe ill also do the rest of the party bc i have Thoughts abt chet n ash n fcg but for rn....im schleepy

[synchronousemma]

1st July: Emma is rebuffed

Read the post and comment on WordPress

Read: Vol. 3, ch. 9 [45]; pp. 256–257 (“and the following morning” to “‘in want of any thing’”).

Context

Emma invites Jane Fairfax to take a drive with her and is refused; she sends some arrow-root, which is sent back.

We know that this occurs “the following morning” (p. 256) after Emma’s first invitation to Jane.

For “arrow-root,” Jane Austen’s original manuscript had “arra-root.” Austen wrote to her sister Cassandra on November 26, 1815: “The Printers continue to supply me very well, I am advanced in vol.3. to my arra-root, upon which peculiar style of spelling, there is a modest qu:ry? [query] in the Margin” (Le Faye, p. 300, qtd. in Sutherland, p. 301). Kathyrn Sutherland writes that “The printed text’s correction to ‘arrow-root’ represents gain and loss—the regularized spelling and so immediate intelligibility, but the loss (now that we know it) of a rare clue to Austen’s own pronunciation. It is important to resist the assumption, however, that she was a consistent misspeller; some of her seemingly idiosyncratic forms were in fact permissible eighteenth-century variants” (pp. 301–2; see also Gilson pp. 64–5; van Ostade p. 130).

Readings and Interpretations

Repent at Leisure

Edgar Shannon Jr., whose reading of Emma is a conventional one according to which Emma must repent of her character flaws and wrongdoings to be morally redeemed by the end of the novel, writes of this incident as evidence that Emma’s “repentance” has begun:

The visit to Miss Bates produces […] evidence of Emma’s sincere alteration. “Her heart had been long growing kinder towards Jane” [vol. 3, ch. 8 [44]; p. 249]; and after Miss Bates’s account of her niece’s ill health, Emma invites Jane to spend the day at Hartfield, to go for an airing in the Woodhouse carriage, and to accept, from the Hartfield stores, some fine arrow-root. When Jane refuses the invitations and returns the arrow-root, Emma learns that a few days of attention cannot compensate several months of neglect; she understands that her former merits the present rebuff. Yet she has “the consolation of knowing her intentions were good” [vol. 3, ch. 9 [45]; p. 257]. (pp. 641–2)

Whatever its motive, Emma’s newfound focus on Jane ends up necessitating ego-saving measures: her reflection (upon learning that Mmes. Elton, Perry, and Cole had been admitted to see Jane) that she “did not want to be classed with the Mrs. Eltons, the Mrs. Perrys, and the Mrs. Coles, who would force themselves anywhere” (p. 256) seems a way of avoiding the realization that she in particular is not welcome. We may also wonder whether Jane’s message (“‘Miss Fairfax’s compliments and thanks, but is quite unequal to any exercise’”) truly represents “tremulous inequality,” or whether it is instead deliberately terse. Helen Dry points out that this sentence must be FID focalized through Emma, due to the hidden dative phrase “for Emma” implied in “impossible to quarrel” (p. 94).

Discussion Questions

Is Emma’s charity regarding the arrow-root an instance of good household management and genuine repentance, or is Emma (as Susan Korba suggests) only interested in Jane now that she (Jane) has been humbled?

Bibliography

Austen, Jane. Emma (Norton Critical Edition). 3rd ed. Ed. Stephen M. Parrish. New York: W. W. Norton & Company, [1815] 2000.

Gilson, David. “Jane Austen’s Text: A Survey of Editions.” The Review of English Studies 53.209 (February 2002), pp. 61–85.

Korba, Susan M. “‘Improper and Dangerous Distinctions’: Female Relationships and Erotic Domination in Emma,” Studies in the Novel 29.2 (1997), pp. 139–63.

Le Faye, Deirdre, ed. Jane Austen’s Letters. New York: Oxford University Press (1995).

Shannon, Edgar F. “Emma: Character and Construction.” PMLA 71.4 (September 1956), pp.

Sutherland, Kathryn. Jane Austen’s Textual Lives: From Aeschylus to Bollywood. Oxford: Oxford University Press (2005).

Van Ostade, Ingrid Tieken-Boon. In Search of Jane Austen: The Language of the Letters. Oxford: Oxford University Press (2014).

[homosociallyyours]

Tell me more about Larry Tennessee AU and Baby I Can Love You Better pleeeeeease 😘

Thank you for asking!!

Baby I Can Love You Better: This was meant to be my Big Bang fic for 2022, and though I started working on it pretty early for me, I had taken on too much and just couldn't finish :( There's BEAUTIFUL art by @haztobegood that I am excited to share once I manage to write the last ~2k and finish editing.

This fic is set in the queer two-step scene. Harry is an au pair from the UK whose friend Niall has just started bringing her to a regular women's two step night where she meets Louis, a local who's just returned from a couple years away getting her master's degree. Harry wins VIP passes to an upcoming dance event weekend, and spends the next few months getting more comfortable in the dance scene and getting to know Louis, who she definitely starts crushing on. The problem is that Louis only seems to be interested in a casual hookup (which H doesn't want) AND sleeping with her cute, fun ex. It works out though :) Here's a snippet from the last chapter behind the cut:

“Oh good, looks like you’ve just gotten here too,” Louis said from behind her. Her cheeks were ruddy from being outdoors and Harry wondered if they’d been on the same train and just not realized it. “My dumb ass wasn’t paying attention and got off a stop too late, but I decided to walk instead of waiting for the next train-- no way would it be worth piling in with a bunch of Friday evening commuters for just a few extra blocks, right?” 

Harry took in Louis’ luggage and attire-- she wore jeans and a plaid shirt, puffy vest layered over it, and her only bag was a duffle that didn’t look to be overstuffed. Harry had thought she was packing light with her small rolling suitcase and garment bag, but Louis definitely had her beat. Harry probably would’ve waited the few minutes and braved a packed train to save herself the extra walk. 

“As long as you’re not too tired to get to the welcome events tonight, there’s no wrong way to get here, right?” Harry draped her garment bag over the handle of her suitcase and took her jacket off, checking behind herself quickly to make sure there wasn’t much of a line at the welcome table. When she turned back, she caught Louis’ eyes on her cleavage and couldn’t help the surprised laugh that fell from her lips. 

Louis threw a hand over her eyes, laughing along with Harry. “Shit, sorry, H! I really was going to tell you that you looked nice just now-- didn’t mean to get caught gawking at your chest.” “Thanks. I get it, though. I’ve definitely gotten distracted by cleavage before and been caught in the act of it, so you’re not alone.” Harry glanced down at herself, mentally high-fiving her past self for choosing her trusty purple sweetheart neckline dress with its plunging dip that really did make her cleavage look lethal

Larry Tennessee AU: ok, this was one of the very first fics I started in this fandom, and I actually wrote around 10k of it before I abandoned it. The premise is that Louis and Harry are both from Tennessee and end up on an X-Factor-like competition show that's looking for a country music act specifically.

Louis is from a more rural part of Tennessee, not far from Pigeon Forge. He's 18 and the competition is a chance for him to escape a small life in a small town. Harry is a little younger in age (17) but definitely less mature. He's from Knoxville, goes to a private school, and lives in a nice suburb in a big house. They meet in the Nashville hotel where they're staying for the competition and then there's a slow build of their friendship that leads to the two of them eventually getting together.

Here's why I left it: There's a subplot with one of the people who's working with the contestants grooming Harry. He gets moved off of the show, but comes back later as a threat to Harry and Louis before being exposed/fired/actually facing consequences. I quickly realized that writing that in this fandom would likely make me persona non grata. Now I would probably do it anyway, BUT when I read the fic over it just feels like something written by someone totally new to the fandom.

Also it's a looooong story! that 10k took me to them starting the contest! Anyway, here's a snip from the very beginning:

The radio fuzzed out as Louis turned onto the road to his house, and he fiddled with the dial on the old truck’s radio, trying to bring back the signal so he could hear the rest of the song. A tiny bump and it came back, the static clearing and Randy Travis’ voice coming back through. He smiled as he sang along, “as long as old men, sit and talk about the weather…” enjoying the breeze as it blew through his open windows. As the truck bumped along his driveway, he saw that Lottie was sitting outside in a lawn chair, facing toward the sun. Laughing, he honked the horn, watching her startle and then turn to flip him off. He returned the gesture as he parked, yelling to her when as he jumped out, “No need to be unladylike, Lottie, what would Mama say?” 

“Don’ matter what Mama’d say,” Lottie said, her glare hidden behind her sunglasses. “She’s workin’ late tonight anyway.” 

Louis flung himself into the chair next to hers and picked up her Coca-Cola, taking a long drink from the can. “Damn, wish you’d sent me a text or somethin’--I’d’ve picked up McDonald’s from in town.” Lottie shrugged. 

“We’ve got stuff for sandwiches. Mama said to make that,” she said, settling back into her chair. “And it’s your turn cookin tonight.” 

“Yeah, don’t I know it,” Louis said, looking at their trailer. “Hey, did the mail come yet?” 

“Didn’t check it,” Lottie said. Louis could see her eyes closing behind her sunglasses, so he kicked at the leg of her chair when he got up. 

“Don’t stay out to long now,” he said. “You’ll end up being Lottie the Lobster again like you did that one time last year.” He laughed as he started the walk down the drive to the mailboxes they shared with their neighbors, ignoring it when Lottie tossed her emptied coke can in his direction in protest.

[onedivinemisfit]

2021 Creator Self-Love Extravaganza!

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 favorite works (fics, art, edits, etc.) you’ve created this year and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you’ve brought into the world in 2021. If you don’t have five published works, that’s fine! Include ideas/drafts/whatever you like that you’ve worked on/thought about, and talk a little about them instead! Remember, this is all about self-love and positive enthusiasm, so fuck the rules if you need to. Have fun, and tag as many fellow creators as you like so they can share the love! <3

Tagged by @bubblesthemonsterartist

Weirdly enough I am less reflected over this year than I was the one previous. In 2020, I had goals. In 2021, I just DRUMMED ON as long as my inspiration would let me! I indulged, I think, for the most part. 😂 However, looking back, I daresay I am proud. I have experimented more than I realized, and my pieces look rather good for it~

Year total: 184 artworks, 1 gif

1. Obiyuki Almost Kiss This would be one of many artworks I would scream into Joanna’s dms about; one of those THIS HAS TO BE GOOD OKAY-type artwork. The Concubine!AU means a lot to me, and the fic she and Jen wrote even moreso. This artwork was the first time where I applied 3D models during the sketching stage, and a perspective grid for… well, that’s rather self-explanatory yes?

2. “When doth mine husband return to me?” The first in what would be a series of “Annie says she’s gonna sketch, then 30 hours later has to admit she lied”. LOL. One of many redraws this year, I tested new ways of both coloring and shading with this one - not to mention the lineless background that I was mighty proud of, for being entirely made up on the spot. I feel like this artwork marked the spot where I got more into harmonizing colors, while also playing with stronger contrasts.

3. Miss me when the ships sail West Omigosh this one. I made a couple comics this year and this is my fave. Again, lots of focus on vibrant colors - I find my style benefits from sacrificing some realism in favor of impressionistic, striking scenery. Comics are also challenging, bc you know that in order to tell the story well, you have to choose the right panels, and I have never been good at minimalism. This was also my first venture into chromatic aberration! Which has quickly become a favorite!

4. Now and then, forever the same While this artwork isn’t really impressive in its own right - it was a quick sketch, where color setting and atmosphere was the most important, to instantly tell a story. But. BUT. I made a gif! For the first time in ten whole years, I went back to try and animate something. It was a lot of work, ngl, but it really paid off in the end, wow.

5. Wheel of Fortune Ngl, that whole week went by in a flurry. I made seven pieces from scratch in exactly 7x24 days. THAT is a record in its own right. This one was perhaps my favorite of the lot, for it came to me so naturally. And it felt like I applied all the news tricks I’d learned this year into a single piece, and best of all, I got to try one of my favorite palettes!

BONUS: Ladies of the Witcher AU Just because I can, and because I wouldn’t forgive myself if I didn’t! These aren’t even about quality or detailwork, but the fact that I still remain so proud of these designs. Eleven actually badass-looking girls and women, none who can be mistaken for one another, and whose energy is entirely her own.

If I can preserve even half of the subconscious energy I’ve channeled towards art this year, for next year, I will be overjoyed! Here’s to hoping~

Tagging: hmmmm, my darling @jaqdaw-art, @nokaru, @qob-vrisk and @ccprovolomies if any of you feel ever so inclined 😘

[niennandil-me-writes]

Fragments of a Cybernetic Mind: Chapter 1 - A New Case

Summary Half a year has passed since the events of Christmas of 2064. The world is slowly adjusting to sentient ROMs. But Turing is distracted from their task as ROM-kind's leader and ambassador by another obligation they carry. They want to deliver Leon Dekker’s last words to his daughter. But first, they’ll have to find her, which doesn’t prove easy. They ask their journalist friend for help, who seems less than thrilled.

Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 (final) Epilogue

CN: panic attacks, trauma

There’s days where the words just flow. Mornings where I sit down with a cup of instant noodles and a Hassy, and before I even know it, it’s evening, and I’ve met my word count four times over. A couple weeks ago Turing had to physically force me to move away from my laptop to have a small snack, and as soon as I’d gulped down the sandwich, I was back at it, hammering at the keyboard which is slowly dying under my rapid typing.

There’s something magical about words. A rhythm in the sentences. Narratives behind the paragraphs. As a child, I always wanted to become an author, until I joined my school’s journalism club, and discovered my true passion: Beauty not in pretty lies, but in a well-spoken truth revealed to a large audience whose eyes I can open. 

And now, after years of taking on any gig I could come by, compromising my integrity, being paid in exposure, I finally have my hands on something truly important. After the first exposé I wrote for OK Today, I got about 10 offers from big name publishers who are begging for the full story, 50 more from smaller houses. I rejected half of them, knowing that they’d be more interested in flashy theatrics or drama than the truth, and then discussed the rest of the offers with my friends, until I ended up signing a contract with one of them, sending them the newest chapters of the book as I’m writing them. They’re happy. For now.

Today the words don’t flow. Their consistency is closer to the sludge in the kitchen sink of my old flat. I write a sentence, delete it, rewrite it, delete it, write the first sentence again, and so it goes on forever and ever. I shift sentences from place to place, only to realize it destroys the entire structure of narrative, like trying to move around a load-bearing pillar while the roof crumbles. 

It’s been like this for a week. Old Hassy cans on my desk, which I have moved around five times so far, hoping a change in perspective would get the creative juices flowing. Instead it just left a couple marks on the floor from the desk’s legs.

My head is in my hands. I have a migraine. I delete the last sentence. Open my mails. Look through the mesh. Back to the writing. I paste the sentence in again.

There’s a knock on the door. I turn around. “Come in.”

The door hesitantly swings open, revealing the small blue ROM I’m sharing my new living spaces with. Their round head barely reaches the doorknob, which they keep holding with their finger digits as they enter the room. “I hope I am not intruding.”

“No, it’s fine, I need a break anyways.” Not entirely true. There’s an itch in my brain at being unable to finish the section I’m working on, but it’s not like I would get it done anyways. 

“How is the work coming along?” Turing asks, laying their little metal finger into a wound they no doubt don’t even realize is there.

I grit my teeth. “Good. Great, really.” I tap my leg. “Actually, you could help me find some synonyms later, I’m running out of ways to say ‘controlling the media’.”

Turing steps closer. “I thought you finished that chapter two weeks ago?”

“Just editing it a bit,” I explain. “I felt it wasn’t really cohesive so far. I want a tight narrative.”

“Well, you are the journalist, so you should know how to do that.” Turing smiles up at me, and I can’t help but join into the smile. There’s something contagious about this little robot’s joy. 

Then their look becomes contemplative. Distant.

“What is it, little guy?” I ask. “You need anything?”

“Well, there is something I wanted to ask your help with...”

“Well, spit it out, what do you need my help with this time?” I tease. “Some other friend of you go missing?”

“No, it’s not quite as serious as that.” They look anywhere but at my face. “And you know I am very grateful for your help in that matter. I am sure everyone is. All of ROM-kind...”

They seem somber in a way that goes far beyond their usual formality. It’s starting to worry me. “It’s alright. Anyone would have done that...”

“But not anyone could have,” Turing insists. “Your role in this went far beyond just helping me. You are a skilled journalist. You know how to pry, how to retrieve information hidden to most casual observers. Which is why, even though I hate to burden you with this while you are still in the middle of your writing work - work that is integral to our quest to get the newly sentient ROMs accepted in society and to inform the public about the transgressions of Parallax – I have to say, you are the only person I would trust with this endeavor.”

As much as I enjoy them stroking my ego, I interrupt them: “Turing, you’re rambling again. Which endeavor?”

“It is true that I am looking for a specific person again. Someone who isn’t easy to find and who many people have no doubt done their best to make unfindable. This search, however, will not get us in any danger even close to our last adventure at Christmas. And we don’t have any actual time limit.”

I am noticing they haven’t mentioned a name yet. Though I can guess who it might be. “Who are we looking for, Turing?”

“Well...” They shuffle around. “I just want to stress again that I wouldn’t be asking this of you if I hadn’t already exhausted most of my other options. I have talked to TOMCAT and Lexi, and both – “

“Turing, I swear to god, if you don’t tell me right now, I’m assuming you want me to hunt down Fairlight.” Wouldn’t be my first guess, though.

“It’s not that.” They sigh, still a weird sight to behold from a ROM. Then they finally spit it out: “I want to find Dekker’s daughter.”

Silence falls in the room, broken only by the rumbling of my laptop’s ventilation. 

“Why?” I finally ask.

“Do you remember what he said before he died?” Turing’s voice is faster now, nervous.

I force a laugh that comes out dry. “He said a lot of things. Mainly what he wants to do with my entrails.” I cross my arms. Despite the summer heat, I’ve got goosebumps.

“I mean his last words. Right before he died.”

“Turing, I don’t – “

“He said he wanted to tell his daughter he’s sorry,” Turing interrupts me. “And I feel like it is my duty to pass on those words.”

I turn towards my desk, so I don’t have to face them. I bite my tongue. Why is my heart racing? It’s been months. And he’s dead. Deader than he was back then.

“I tried finding her on the mesh,” Turing explains without noticing my state. “But of course, his wife didn’t keep the same name, so even if they are somewhere, we wouldn’t find them under his name. And even when I searched more diligently, it was no use. It’s like Lexi said, all his records about him and his past are heavily redacted and/or classified. Lexi could get me some more access under the table, so to speak, but still, nothing. I retrieved some of his hardware and with TOMCAT’s help was able to search his memory data for clues, and it was they who suggested – “

“Wait, hang on a second,” I interrupt. “You’ve looked through his memories?”

“I felt it was the best way – “

“How? You said something about hardware?”

Turing shrinks together. “Lexi was – I was able to retrieve some of his undamaged memory disks that were stored in the police precinct as evidence. Don’t worry, they don’t need them right now, and they have all the data - ”

“Where are they?”

Turing falls silent.

“Turing, are you telling me you kept his – you kept a part of Leon Dekker’s – the man who tried to murder me for his own fun – you kept this guy’s brain in our house?”

“I only have some of the data!” Turing tries to assure me. “The disks are at TOMCAT’s. They are still working their way through them, trying to extract as much as possible while circumventing the damage done to them.”

“Okay.” I breathe in. I breathe out. I still feel sick. “Okay.” I stare down at my laptop. “I’m sorry, Turing. I...” I close my eyes. I’m in the server room again. The smell of ozone. The buzz of electricity. Breathing. Breathe in. Breathe out. The taste of blood on my tongue.

I open my eyes. Stare at my laptop’s screen. The opened writing document. The empty page where one of the last chapters should be. I hold my head in my hands. Run my fingers through my hair. A bird is singing outside.

Turing is saying my name. They have been for a while, I realize. “Is everything alright?” Their voice is heavy with worry. “Should I call your therapist? A doctor? Lexi?”

“No, it’s...” It isn’t alright. “Can you make me some hot chocolate, please?”

Turing nods and is about to vanish out the door.

“And Turing!” I call after them. They stop, turn around, face screen still all worry. “I’ll help you find her.”

A grin spreads over their screen. “Thank you, it is much appreciated.”

I smile as well. Truly contagious.