#endgame feels

[darsynia]

Goodnight, Farewell, and Amen | Oneshot

(Tony Stark/Stephen Strange Angst)

TBH I'm too wrung out by this to make a graphic. Yes, the title is referencing the finale of M*A*S*H*.

Summary: In a world where your Soulmate's final words spoken to you are written on your body, Tony Stark's aren't the typical goodbye. When he finally understands what they mean, he and his soulmate are out of time.

Notes: This is for my @avengersbingo square, Soulmate AU

I first saw the concept of Soulmate words being the last words your soulmate says to you in a story by JazzJo for the West Wing fandom, all the madness in my soul, which is achingly beautiful. This story uses the trope a completely different way, but please read hers.

Warnings: Canonical character death, Angst

Length: 1,719

Tags (guessing!): @starryeyes2000 @deepbatched @cabinofcontentment @chickensarentcheap @themaradaniels @starksbf

Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen

If I tell you what happens, it won’t happen.

Tony has read those words on his skin over and over so often that he feels like they are indeed etched on his soul, not just his upper thigh. They’re the last words his soulmate will ever speak to him, and sure, he’s grateful they’re not the typical goodbye that seventy percent of the world bears on their bodies somewhere. The problem is, he can’t tell if there’s a hint in there, some kind of prophecy he could follow.

There’s a whole branch of psychology devoted to that, the deciphering of fate, the question of whether you’ve already lost the battle to prevent your death or your soulmate’s (or perhaps equally painfully, your separation, never to talk to each other again) once the words are spoken. Tony’s been haunted since his parents’ deaths by their final words to each other, confused call-outs during a traumatic moment. They’d expected those phrases would be spoken at the end of a long life, perhaps in hospice care-- but no, it was on the side of a road in misery, with no help and no hope.

After their deaths, Tony had wasted some of his inheritance on private investigators, trying to find the person he’d met when visiting his dad at an office building he no longer remembers. That person (oddly dressed, accent unplaceable) had told an eight year old Tony Stark that he would only know his soulmate for less than twenty-four hours. He’d loved that, something unique and different-- but when he’d excitedly told his mother, she’d gotten so angry that he was never allowed to go to that building ever again.

Now decades later, he’s got the arc reactor, Pepper, a host of superheroic friends, and the knowledge of life on other planets. Tony has figured out that the place he’d been banished from was SHIELD, and he imagines his mother was angry about the idea that her son would grow up a womanizer like his father. She’d probably thought that the prophecy was a jibe towards her, rather than a real prediction, but at seventeen, nineteen, all the way up to twenty-one when he’d taken over the company, Tony had wanted to find that person and know the answer for himself.

He’d never found them, but the strangeness of his soulmate’s last words has sat with him for years. Tony had done just as his mother had feared, pretending he was searching for his soulmate by spending night-long chunks of time with countless women. Plenty of them had tried to play it up during their morning farewell, so often that he’d learned to leave them satiated and sleeping, with no chance to speak those words as some sort of lasting incantation.

Pepper’s own words are mysterious enough, in a way the two of them don’t address (‘It’s been a wonderful second life, Darling’ is… nothing he can imagine ever saying). It seems possible that they are each other’s hearts but not souls. After a life as exciting as theirs, that’s okay.

They plan their wedding as they watch friends and loved ones make choices about their future in no small part weighed down by the lettering on their bodies. Then a man walks out of a golden, sparking circle and changes Tony’s life forever.

Stephen Strange’s interruption is actually a ‘saved by the bell’ moment, as Tony had been in the middle of trying to remove his foot from halfway down his throat, regarding Pepper, his arc reactor, and pregnancy. Strange clearly takes an instant dislike to him, probably on reputation, and Tony leans in. He’s heard enough comparisons made between the two of them (intellect, snark-ability, goatee style) that he’d be offended if there wasn’t at least a slight feeling of rivalry there.

That doesn’t mean they aren’t on the same side, though, and when the chips are down and Strange is in peril, Tony follows behind to save him. It’s the right thing for that moment, even if it’s not the right thing for Pepper or Peter. After almost fifty years on this Earth, Tony’s learned that there’s almost never an action that’s unequivocally good for everyone involved.

Tony’s reminded of that as he’s forced to watch Strange bargain the Time Stone for his life-- the exact thing he’d said he wouldn’t do. The reasoning is clear, but as Tony feels the magic reversing his deathblow, it’s confusing, maddening, even heartbreaking.

Their fight is over, both the physical one and the ongoing argument that’s sparked between himself and Strange since they’d met barely hours before. Strange retreats into a mental world of his own as the rest of them stand stunned and silent-- and then… dust.

The words that haunt the next five years of Tony’s life belong to Peter and Stephen.

I don’t want to go.

There was no other way.

One represents a failure of Tony’s past, the other a potential failure in the future-- because he knows Strange had firmly believed his promise about sacrificing their lives for the greater good. If there had been another way, he wouldn’t have given up the Time Stone. Stephen Strange had seen a need for Tony’s life to continue instead of his own, but he’d offered no blueprint, no contingency plan.

That kind of trust is staggering, and Tony’s not sure he’s worthy of it.

He builds a life. In Peter and Stephen’s honor, Tony keeps his eye on two roles in particular: father figure and friend. He’s pretty sure he’s shitty at both, but the next years give him practice at being a father and a partner, at least, and he does okay without the requisite explosions in his wake.

What’s always there is the desire to make something of Stephen Strange’s sacrifice. That’s what draws him to the Avengers compound after sending Steve, Natasha, and Scott away. It’s what throws him back in time, what forces him to think on his feet-- because he can do it. He can bring the infuriating sorcerer back, along with everyone else. That’s the reason he’s alive, and consequently the reason everyone else isn’t. Because Tony’s read up on the man. He’s gone and spoken to people. Stephen Strange had been a lot like him: an arrogant man glorying in his niche until a devastating injury forced him into a new life. He had been a doctor, and over and over again, Tony’s heard the same thing from the people who knew him:

Stephen Strange was all about preserving life. He wouldn’t let half of the universe die just to save one man. Not unless it was the path to saving everyone.

It’s maybe a lot to live up to, now that Tony’s standing next to a compound in ruins, staring down another fight with Thanos.

Tony’s riding high, after seeing so many people brought back to life. He’s hugged Peter and fought next to Pepper, watched everyone work together to keep Thanos at bay as they work to send the Stones out of his reach. He sees Strange and lands nearby; there are years of Things To Say crowding his throat, but the most important one comes first.

“You said one out of fourteen million we win, yeah?” Strange’s expression is full of dread, and Tony almost falters, but he can’t. He can’t. “Tell me this is it.”

“If I tell you what happens, it won’t happen,” Stephen says.

Tony’s bluster drops away. There’s no mistaking those words. Strange isn’t acting like anything momentous occurred, but something deep inside Tony is screaming that there’s one more thing to say. Probably the last thing. He wishes there was time to make it mean more, maybe even make it absurd, or at least make it memorable, but there isn’t.

He’s not that much of a dick anyway, Tony decides. “You better be right,” he says-- and there it is. Stephen freezes, recognition and understanding flushing his face. 

The following moment is short, but somehow it’s still a decent percentage of the time they’ve gotten to spend together. As Tony takes off to continue fighting, seven words reverberate in his head.

One of us is going to die. One of us is going to die.

The weight of that knowledge is almost enough to negate his repulsors, and the longer Tony battles with it dragging him down, the more he understands the shape it’s going to take.

The fact is, Stephen Strange has already died for him.

He’d died without knowing what Tony has feared since he was eight, that the soothsayer was right. Tony has already spent less than a day with his soulmate. If Howard Stark hadn’t interrupted the conversation right after that revelation, would he have learned a second, more triumphant secret? Would Tony have known since he was a child that he’d bring his soulmate back to life? What that would have done to his confidence, over the years?

He’s forced to compartmentalize all of this as he keeps fighting, and whether finding his soulmate has anything to do with it or not, Tony’s on his face in the dirt when the worst happens: Thanos is wearing the gauntlet again. Morgan’s face swims in front of his eyes, and Tony looks around to see who’s left to make a last great stand with him. That’s when he catches Stephen’s eye.

There’s a whole unlived lifetime in that look, in the seconds it takes for Strange to give Tony a single, miserable, hopeful signal.

This is the one.

‘I know what to do,’ Tony can’t say. ‘I owe you one,’ goes unsaid, too. When the time comes, when he’s picking what to say before the snap that saves his wife, his daughter, his soulmate, and the rest of the universe, Tony hopes they each understand what he says in their own context.

For Pepper, it’s an apology. He never could stop.

For Morgan, it’s an attempt to be her hero, one last time.

For Stephen, it’s about inevitability. He was the guardian of the Time Stone, and that’s the one thing the two of them never had: time. Without those roles, they never would have met. Without their deaths, the world would be a different place entirely.

He hopes they’ll remember him.

“I’m sorry, Pep.”

[ikpwecanfly]

Something I haven't seen discussed yet is not only did buck and Tommy kiss, but they JUST kissed. Tommy kissed him once, just communicating that "okay is this what you want us to do?" And then he set up a real romantic date where he's going to pick buck up at 8 and everything.

Buck who has a shit load of trauma from partners wanting him for nothing more than his body. From always having to be the person adding the romance into every relationship to convince people there's more to him then sex.

Baby boy just got asked on a wholesome date and got promised romantic helicopter flying lessons and he won't even have to drive and goddddvdhebusjabsjsjdnxns

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

yall know the "after first kiss" meme

there are three types of pairing

the meme:

[leopah]

Do you remember me?

[televised-eyes]

when i find myself in times of trouble

neil gaiman comes to me

speaking words of wisdom

“the invisible and unbreakable [line] that joins crowley and aziraphale”

[jeonthoughts]

me when s5 comes out and mike says "so, el, that painting you commissioned....."

[romainlettusdinnerparty]

HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO BIRTHDAY GATE CODED

[theaviatorthatcouldnotfly]

events from the trailer that may take place on the same day (based on clothing)

starting strong with the music room scene and the gathering scene on the same day! the double denim is here! clearly doesn’t mesh well with the homophobic music room though…

horny hallway wilmon and neon party likely taking place on the same day- plain white shirts- and i’d even go as far as to say that this was them after the music room argument (with the hallway being them making up)?

blue jacket with green underneath in both so we’re very likely in for hammock wilmon and “inhale exhale” wille in the same ep 👀

based on the light grey jacket and brown shirt, simon is sad on the bus in the same ep where he and wille discuss how the monarchy makes wille feel. did that very conversation cause simon’s sadness? we’ll have to wait and see!

and possibly my favorite- wille is Horny for simon, yells at august during the royal court meeting, and gets the “you’re going to be king you can’t have any more scandals!!” talk from kristina all in one day! fun times!!

[beescake]

PLEASE PLEASE MEGADUMP THE ARASOL!!! PLEAAASEE MR BEESCAKE I AM ON MY KNEES BEGGING YOU

HFHGHD GLADLY aaa i’ve been adding notes to it here and there for months but just hesitant to post it bcs im 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂

also this is just my own takeaway of the events, it doesn’t necessarily comply to the Ultimate Truth of Canon-Alignment or represent the actual facts of what hussie intended! v sentimental smh but hopefully its still interesting to read

i love when characters inform each other by proximity, it's one of my fave things to see in media :') it feels even more significant when two characters deliberately choose to stick together, so that when one operates, you can tell the other is similarly aligned in associative solidarity.

sollux is a keystone of this trope — whoever he aligns with is a wordless statement, a nod of approval. this stood out to me bcs the main four humans were alr friends by default, but once you reach hivebent you realize the trolls can actively choose who they want to hang out with.

and as we all know, after assessing every troll's biases/loyalties, sollux is the only one who maintains his selective preference for innately Good 👍 people.

aradia is such a beautiful character honestly, she evokes such incredible feelings in me. she might not have been consistently written with care but the best parts of her character are truly stunning. i think it's easy to remember sollux as the self-sacrificing one bc he's so open about it (and his friends frequently react to his Moments) but when you compare him to aradia, it's always struck me

how much more. raw it is

to be so alone as an agent of time, having to orchestrate immeasurably harrowing events nobody understands or gives a fuck about

with your role painted in the story as one who must tend to the needs of the narrative, responsible to match every next note

because when you're given the capabilities, it becomes your duty to carry it out.

it becomes expected of you to keep experimenting and arranging the machinations to work for everyone, dusting off hundreds of necessary failures to keep going

and having to be so unwavering in your drive knowing miserably that there's no one who can help you but yourself.

or alternatively: to make things fun! so other people won't think twice about letting you go off on your own.

sure she's had some very good buds, notably thanks to Team Charge v Team Scourge antics.

and yet, at the end of the day, the one friend that kept choosing her time and time again was the friend with the highest standards.

i can see why people like to define arasol as moirails/matesprits but surprisingly i find the nondescript, unlabeled aspect of their relationship more straightforward to understand.

there's no shortage of people who would accommodate sollux. most of the surviving trolls are his oldest friends bcs he’d chosen them well. his transparency with his feelings had built him strong friendships that won’t falter or break, regardless of how much of a dick he can be. they’ve already seen and accepted him at his worst, and they still like him for who he is.

contrast that with aradia, who'd been so approachable, friendly and reliable in her exchanges it was super fun to talk to her. but the moment she became depressed, all her connections broke down.

her friends became hesitant to interact with her (until she became god tier, “happy” and amicable again) because her gloom and resignation didn’t serve them. she dealt with it alone.

there’s def something of note here abt the disparity between the way male & female characters are written+perceived in homestuck (esp parallel arasol with davejade) but i won’t go into that lmaoo

with this in mind i like to think of sollux as a gift to her, a loyal companion given to complement and commend her resolve. she's capable of doing so much alone but hussie took the time to build her and sollux's relationship as one of a unit; a set.

the ambiguity of their status does complicate things, but i do believe it makes sense with their characters. aradia's relationship with romance is a rocky one, the dubious stringalong equius had with her is a pointed reminder that her feelings of attraction are ultimately controlled by the author writing her.

unlike the other trolls who can openly address and own up to their crushes, aradia had romantic emotions forced upon her (especially when hussie implies 'she kissed equius back on her own volition'). and it seems like her character is so intrinsically neutral abt attraction that even when forced by the almighty powers above, she's unable to retain it wholly.

however, looking back to pre-game when she could actually "choose" her own feelings, she did have a crush on sollux.

their soft spots for each other were so obvious to the point where other people could see it.

taunting aside, when vriska comments on their unit as bf/gf it actually informs the audience that arasol's relationship is romantic in nature despite not aligning with the quadrant system.

even while dead, aradia could still describe her care for sollux, expressing that she would like to see him happy. if they had more time to explore their relationship on alternia, it's possible they could've settled in a quadrant once they grew older.

but going back to the lack of labels, their dynamic was affected once more when aradia became god tier.

to me, her ascension was both the perfect culmination and possible closure of her character. it's the light at the end of her journey toiling through countless of timelines where she had to actively assess and participate. that's why it's cool to see her being silly and having fun giving guidance, passively exploring and watching other people do their parts.

and yet the joy of her freedom makes it hard to explore further introspection. if we take her by her word, she'd already come to terms with the hurt she's been through and forgiven those involved.

i can't help feeling attuned to how impersonal and detached it can be, to devote and meld your identity so completely with your designated position as Maid of Time until you've become hard for your old friends (and even some readers!) to personally connect to.

idk post-canon but i assume there’s some degree of similarity to be bridged here with aradia's god tier and how the hs2 humans' Ultimate forms was described as a consolidation of all their possibilities. since aradia's classpect is inherently of service to Time, going god-tier may have elevated her beyond personhood with the "game construct" possessing her entirely. sollux doesn't realize the extent of it bcs he's still mortal, but a part of him may have subconsciously understood this.

i think there is a core aspect to aradia that was lost to the dehumanizing glory of god tier — a core aspect that may have contained an element of why sollux enjoyed talking to her in the first place.

to him, aradia hadn't just been a nice girl, she was a cool girl. despite not having much in common, he's still willing to chill next to her so she's not alone while she does what needs to get done.

back on alternia, they held a mutual and equal-level regard for each other that could've definitely settled into something permanent. but now, he's placed himself in a position where he can be kept around or left behind at will. the parameters of the relationship are largely in aradia's court, so any label she suggests to identify their relationship with he's likely to accept.

but that's why it's so difficult to label it. because god tier aradia may not necessarily Want quadrants or relationship labels. rather than the initial romantic attachment, their commitment to each other had evolved into one fundamentally of companionship.

no label? ok fine. no matter what, he still thinks she's a good soul worth latching on to. the best, actually. aradia > everyone else.

even if it gets stilted at times. there's an unexpected struggle to connect when sollux's go-to default for talking points is his feelings about things, and aradia may not want to talk about emotions all the time.

not to mention god tier aradia became an observer, especially of chaos. but sollux's avoidance of involvement comes partially from his innate pressure to get involved if something goes wrong. and he can't always tell when something goes wrong, because aradia doesn't mind if things go wrong anymore.

it's a non-negotiable preference that causes them to take the occasional time apart, a new boundary that wouldn't have existed before the game and aradia's god tier.

but just like how his friends tolerated his moods, sollux accepts aradia as she is. with no quadrants, their connection doesn't break down because there's no implicit romantic expectations to be disappointed by or resentful over.

sometimes when i see hs content that deliberately distances sollux from aradia, i assume this is the dissonance people might have felt. people might find it "easier" to be cynical about them bcs of this strange tension.

but idc lmao. grab that shit by the neck

lack of easy resolutions and cleanly tied ribbons is pretty standard of homestuck and imo it doesn't make arasol's dynamic any less incredible. with the right affection and consideration, there's still so much potential to develop the nuance of their relationship outside of the popular quadrant-based depictions.

hs has a lot of really great character compatibilities but the way aradia and sollux are in their own special orbit is why i can write this much about them in the first place. it's that frail innocence between first loves that makes it so sweet to me, two kids who grew up too fast playing guesswork without being clear where they're going.

ultimately i do think you're meant to feel a little tragedy for just how much they care for each other, even if they can't quite establish it in simple terms.

maybe they keep taking breaks to progress their own paths. maybe they remain as anchor partners while seeing other people. but even if you decide to separate them, they're still (awkwardly) texting each other updates all the while. and when they reunite it feels like coming home.

and well. more than anything, i like to believe that they do want to be exclusive.

they're just afraid. after all, they're still learning how to love, beyond the projections of the foursquare quadrant system they had inadvertently distanced themselves from since young.

they might not have everything figured out, but they'll get there eventually if you just hold them together and write them there.

optional post-canon segment:

one of the limitations of main hs is that (monogamous) relationships are often written as the go-to solution to wrap up character growth; it's an easy "patch" to imagine characters getting their happy ending because they have a partner, and those who don't end up with someone don't get that closure (most notably jade).

hs2 reaffirms this by suggesting that aradia's character cannot progress without letting sollux go, because happily settling in a relationship automatically locks your potential.

that pathetic panel of sollux staring emptily into the sky is still my fave hs2 spoiler ngl i find the impact of their parting so emotionally provoking precisely bcs they were written in original hs to be each other's forever, coming back together again and again

but now, they're subject to the decisions of the post-canon authors who might choose to deviate from that.

it's not new for them to part, but now there's an underlying worry that her dropping him off this time might be the last time. while i think the prospect of shattering their stability to make them grow separately sounds fun on paper, no amount of me desperately hoping for a good execution is gonna guarantee it

idk. i guess prediction-wise im expecting sollux in classic dramatic-hs2 fashion to tell dave to back off aradia LMAO. otherwise it's just gon be sollux and karkat pathetically watching aradia and dave from a distance swimming in their unresolved feelings for narratively-powerful time players smh obvs it sounds corny as hell but who knows its still plausible

srsly tho i hope they take the opportunity to develop arasol's relationship in a fresh direction that doesn't hurt me too badly...... and i hope they force sollux out of his comfort zone. i like watching him struggle :-)

[gayofthefae]

The meme distracted from it and the rewatches desensitized it but Will canonically said

"I feel like being gay makes me a mistake, broken, like I need to fix myself...until I remember that being gay means I get to love you"

[shaynesthetic]

We are the Dead Boy Detectives Agency. He's the Brains, I'm the Brawn.

[purgatory-jar]

Who's excited for tonight's episode???? I am!!!

A lil bit of buck/tommy as a good luck charm for tonight!

*

Want something like this? Commission me here: x

[ircn-dad]

do you also think tony told peter to hold him while they were hugging in endgame because the last time they hugged, peter tried to cling to him, but no matter what he failed to hold onto him and fell to the ground, or are you normal

[jancysmixtape]

I don’t understand how anyone can say Wednesday didn’t like Tyler. She chose to go to the dance with him, she INITIATED their first kiss and SMILED at him. Then even after finding out he was the Hyde, she still said he was her type. It’s canon that she liked him. 😭

[dovelywind]

ꕥ| Rocket Raccoon & Nebula — GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY

[a2zillustration]

You know, the thing.

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