#even if she doesnt remember ever wanting it
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The thing driving me so insane about Loid and Yor communicating so openly is that this is how a couple in an actual relationship would address the problems they're having
She's asking him to rely on her, saying that he doesn't need to put up appearances all the time, that she knows he's capable but she's here to help and wants to, that he doesn't need to be perfect.
They're in a fake marriage. Loid has repeatedly told her she doesn't have to do anything but be around for specific events, but Yor still genuinely took up the role of Anya's mom and has been actively working to be a good mother to her fake husband's daughter this entire time, and now she's gently pushing back on Loid about not helping him either.
They aren't in love yet, or at least aren't aware of any developing feelings, but Yor is still reaching out to Loid in a way that someone in a real committed relationship would to their partner. She doesn't need to!! She's completely in her right to not help him, to not care!! He has given her the explicit permission of it multiple times!! But she cares about him, Anya, and Bond, this little family they've created. She wants him to lean on her like she does on him
#spy x family#sxf manga spoilers#twiyor#loidyor#whether you ship loidyor romantically or as qpps the writing of their relationship has been the best fake marriage i've ever seen hands down#she! cares! for! him! & want to help! & he's even realizing that he wishes he could lean on her more but cant! AHHH#but legit this was such healthy communication in this chapter that its like do either of you remember this is fake? that youre basically#roommates co-parenting a child who pretend to be married for your own respective safety? yor is an assassin. having a distant relationship#to her fake husband would only make that all easier for her but SHE DOESNT WANT THAT SHE WANTS TO BE CLOSER TO HIM!! BC SHE CARES ABOUT HIM#& APPRECIATES ALL HE DOES FOR HER!!! AND HES FINALLY REALIZING HOW MUCH HER HAPPINESS MEANS TO HIM TOO!! AHHHH#i'm being so normal about this#tc posts
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i get the frustration with so many villains now getting treatment like “oh they had a sucky childhood so actually you need to feel bad for them and not hold them accountable for their actions” but the counter of “this person was born evil and cant ever grow and its pathetic to assume that they can, also people cant be redeemed no matter what and this is fantastic writing actually” is so exhausting.
#like... no one is born grinning maliciously with a knife out the womb. no one starts out that way#and anything thats ever tried to portray a character that way at birth has only ever been ironically funny#idk its annoying when people are like ''actually its more interesting that the character doesnt have a motive for killing people''#like. coming off of bullet train rn but even ''this character otherwise has a perfect life but they accidentally killed and now theyre#fascinated with all the ways people can die'' is more interesting than ''idk thats just how they are *shrugs*''#like yes someone can have the perfect upbringing and social life and still turn out to be sadistic but you can still work with that#as opposed to ''they were born evil thats just how they were always gonna be SORRY''#like. idk go into that ''perfect social life and family''. what did that family value? what were the friends like?#what did that person experience outside of those things? what did they consume?#did their social standing actually breed some sort of entitlement to them? do they perhaps freak out if something doesnt go their way?#are they insecure deep down? does that drive them to it? are they a perfectionist? do they assume peoples feelings?#i remember reading this wc fancomic that explained why a character was evil and like her mom died#and the attention from her mothers death made her obsessed with being fawned over so she started medical abuse#and letting her patients die so that people would fawn over her the same way every time#and the op was like ''HEY before you yell at me shes NOT evil bc her mom died ok she was gonna turn out evil no matter what''#like... no no go into the emotional vulnerability implied there. go into the morbid introduction to slow death at a young age#go into the potential desensitization go into that. youre already willing to make her multifauceted and with positive traits#why are you afraid of implying shes even SOMEWHAT sympathetic and just want to say she was gonna do that regardless#and i fault the atmosphere around this stuff most of all like we should never have implied that giving a villain a reason to be evil#was stupid woobifying bullshit that was out of touch with reality#echoed voice
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red vs blue restoration blew such huge chunks im actually mad. like completely enraged. and i wouldnt have it any other way. rest in peace you son of a bitch
#like under the conditions it was made. i can understand why it is the way it is.#but i would genuinely be hard pressed to imagine a way it couldve been worse.#they brought tex back. which is like the number one thing they should have never done under any circumstance. leave the poor woman ALONEEEE#wash had absolutely nothing to do except act like an idiot for no reason and Be Crazy. leave him alone too#carolina showed up just to immediately get her shit kicked in. she doesnt even say a single word to tex so what was the point#and i fucking love tucker so im biased but WHAT!!!!! HOW DO YOU DECIDE TO DO META TUCKER AND FUMBLE HIM THAT HARD!!!!#tucker doesnt get a single line reflecting on Literally Being Tortured for (from his perspective) TEN YEARS????#not a single genuine emotional moment for him???? just gets up and says ''oww that sucked. bow chicka bow wow haha am i right fellas''#the blues got shafted so fucking hard. they barely interact with each other. they get no resolution at all.#wash and tucker didnt even talk. i dont think they were ever even in the same frame. if you wanted me to kill myself you couldve just said#also i havent watched s15-17 since they released and i didnt bother with rvb0 but when did doc die. huh#carolina said something about ''what happened on chorus'' and HUH? did i just miss that completely. what the fuck#also where is donut. he wasnt even in this. im assuming something happened to him that i just dont remember during/after s18 but i miss him#sorry for being so mean lmfao i dont usually like complaining so much but man...........#they didnt even make grimmons canon. smh my head#anyway rvb ended after s13 ❤️ yayyy
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ughh
#i wish my mum would understand that this is my last summer break with my parents#which means if im ever going to go to the us its now#cuz im not going to go to that country by myself at least not for a long time#and that i want to see my friends especially 2 of them#like these guys have been my best friends for years i love them i want to see them#she doesn't understand of course cuz she's always had lots of friends and she always sees them all regularly#but this is my last chance#she acts like theres going to be nothing to do there for her#like dude the us is a huge holiday destination theres tons to do there#oh ok now shes complaining about my cat#respectfully.shut up#ALSO back to the us thing shes always wanted to go!#i remember her always talking about cities she wanted to go to there and we'd literally be going to those cities#but now that i want to go there. noooo its too farr its too dangerouss its too boring#you can stay home idc i want to see my friends#my dad wants to see his friends#ITS NOT LIKE SHE DOESNT HAVE FRIENDS THERE EITHER SHE DOES#SHE LITERALLY HAS SO MANY FRIENDS THERE#shut up mars#tbh i just wish i knew if we were going or not#so i don't plan and plan and plan and gets my hopes up for nothing#i understand her not wanting to be there i too am terrified of the fucking laws there#and the racism.especially#but the states we'd be going to are progressive states#and we'd be with local friends pretty much the whole time#we wouldn't even be in the us the whole time we'd be in canada for a good chunk of it
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Thinks Abt new horizons
#why is she like that#why did they stop supporting the game even tho it still feels incomplete lmao#sometimes i get so mad idk sad? im like damn i want this to b my favorite game ever but theres so much tedious stupid shit#that literally doesnt have to be that way#ive been so turbo autism for animal crossing for as long as i can remember and its like man man is this how the franchise is now#shitty cash grab gacha game and incomplete low priority instalments
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I love making new dark urge playthroughs and thinking of so much story for who the guardian appears as and this whole life they’ll not remember and-
#delver had a HUSBAND#IM JUST STARTING ON SOLITUDE BUT THEY GOT THEIR BESTIE A LIL KILLED OOPSIES#NOCTIS’S GUARDIAN WAS A CLASSMATE. A HOMOEROTIC WIZARD RIVAL#DELVER HAD A HUSBAND!!! THEY GOT TATTOOS AND SCARS TOGETHER!!!! BOTH THEIR HAIR IS STAINED AT THE ENDS WITH THE SAME RED!!! HE DOESNT EVEN A#LITTLE BIT REMEMBER WHY THE RITUAL OF IT IS SO IMPORTANT BUT HE HOLDS TO IT NONETHELESS!!!!#bg3 posting#ANYMEOW somethin somethin solitude and solace both aimin 2 be clerics. and then oopsies :P durge stuffs. and ummmm. they never quite got#over the lonely feeling. I love giving my dark urges names that they choose as soon as they hop out of the pod.#damsel picked hers a ways later tho. she thought it was funny. in my heart gortash thinks it’s MUCH LESS funny. sometimes what used to be an#act is what carries through you in spite of everything. and the people you knew wonder how much of an act it really was. and neither of you#will ever have the answer.#pointy tho. that was always his name. he WAS big scary evil. but um. now big softy <3 something something claws grown and refined for#ripping flesh and tendons turning solely to use in making little oragami stars. do u see it. he’s so sillies to me and I love him. he#absolutey woke everyone up SOBBING after ****** by the way. that guy WAS built for this shit but he soooo doesn’t wanna be. he wants to go#home (please do not send him home he’d get eaten alive now just hold him soso soft)
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#officially we wont know how things will shake down until next week#but unofficially?? i think i already know. i cant explain how but. i think i know already which direction its gonna go#and its not like i havent been preparing for this for years but . man.#i genuinely dont know how im gonna do this guys. im being so fr.#im just starting to get my feet back under me from losing my friend like that and now im gonna get bowled over again#and its gonna be so much worse. and i dont know how im gonna get a job or fix my fucked gpa or even finish out the semester#im going home in a few weeks and my siblings and i are gonna put pink in our hair for october#and ofc by the time we do that we'll know. one way or another. and thatll be that.#nothing i can do about it. nothing i can do to stop it or make it better.#my brothers are still so fucking young man. my youngest brother doesnt even remember a time when it wasnt like this.#he's only ever known this version of her thats sick and exhausted and hollowed out like she isnt even there most of the time#and man. idk.#really i am so close to snapping and dropping out of school and this might just be what finally breaks the thread. i am being so fr.#winter speaks#personal#and theres so many projects that i want to do but i Know that i wont be able to do any of them for a while once it hits#and just. hhh. hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
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DESPITE EVERYTHING I did have a blast watching you play Pain Simulator 2021 <3 Personally <3 Excited for next time! It's only uphill from here!!!
Also some other stuff I wanted to follow up on from the stream (if I'm forgetting something. Well. We get there when we get there):
Omoinotake - Moratorium is the music video I meant... IDK if it fits as a song It's Not About That but literally every other frame is a pose I want to draw AraSawa in... (also the "take" in Omoinotake is the same kanji as Jo and I'm prrrrretty sure this is the theme for a thing where a patriarch falls in love with a subordinate so Lol)
HOSTESS HEAT ACTION GIF LOCATED
You see what I mean. Look at how far he has to bend down to headbutt Kiryu. He's probably standing on SOMETHING I don't think he's this tall normally but my man lookin' Large...
At any rate... enjoy your rice balls <3
LMAO I HOPE IT WASNT TOO TRAGIC TO WATCH at some point when i encounter a 'dead run' i just gotta switch it up to chatting more which. I Think I Tried but w/e POINT IS NEXT RUN'LL BE BETTER. DEF MODIFYING MY NOTES AS WE SPEAK
AND I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN BOUT THE MUSIC VIDEO i see the vision 1000%.......
GIF SPOTTED YAAAAA rbing it right after posting this. need to have it easy access..
WHY IS HE SO FUCKIN TAALLLLL ACTUAL dbz broly height thats fucked up (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)
#snap chats#the rice balls were MAD good... btw..#Awful so my mom's a dysfunctional adult and doesnt eat unless my brother makes food for her#she was spoiled with servants growin up PLUS my dad always being happy to cook for her. she never even says thank you..#LIKE SHE /CAN/ COOK BUT SHES JUST TOO ASSED TO DO IT EVER anyway. point is.#i remember one time we were all eating dinner and my bro was urging my mom to eat more and she was all#'if i just had rice and soy sauce id be ok' and. not to say shes right. but fried riceballs brushed with soy sauce.... MADDD delicious...#i wouldnt want to live off that but def a nice thing to have once in a while.. hehe..#im rambling ok BYE TY FOR WRITING IN
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i mean i do not personally relate to sweet nothing being about mothers in general like....at all lol. my mother uses any and every vulnerability of mine against me eventually so i cant super relate to the softness and comfort of having a mom to run home to. but its just so andrea swift it makes me wanna die
#as an example back in 2017? 2018?#i mentioned off handedly to my mom i was trying to get taylor tickets and had to like plan for the presale or whatever#and of course she just kinda went oh uh huh. okay. bc she doesnt think anything about me is interesting unless it serves her#but then a few weeks later when we were fighting about something or other she was like 'you need to spend less time getting taylor swift#concert tickets and more time focusing on getting a job and getting through school'#as if those are mutually exclusive or even related. and thats the thing she never listens and totally ignores me#but somehow she remembers my hobbies or my likes when shes fucking angry and wants to use it against me#and this is what she does with just my hobbies imagine the shit she has done when ive been vulnerable about#my emotions or issues in my life lol. like she would absolutely tell jake anything i said about him. not that i would ever go#to her for relationship advice but everything has to be 10000% perfect when i talk to her about my relationship#or else she will be like oh this is happening because youre such a bitch to everyone or because you dont do blah blah blah#anyway so cannnot relate lol but id like this song to be about andrea#sweet nothing#midnights#ts#op
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god the ending to tropical rouge makes me cry so much
#tara says stuff#precure#tropical rouge precure#pretty cure#BC LIKE....#manatsu is such an overwhelming positive character and shes never ever broken down before#but when laura is going to leave#she openly screams and sobs and cries and it GETS ME#she wants to support her friend so bad but she doesnt want to see her go#bc she loves her so so much#they all do. and laura loves them all too#and that bond and that shared love is why theyre able to remember each other even if they lose their memories#just. god#i love tropical rouge so much
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ya FUCKED UP
#body horror /#lucy watches junji ito#disgusting i love it what the fuck#i dont remember this story but its Great#how did this never come out until now. they mentioned the mom spending a bunch of money on her teeth and stuff#bc she wanted her to be a model. so like. someone would have Noticed at least that she had like 20 layers of teeth in there#even if the sister just hid her curse for this long#but how did no one ever figure out she doesnt have... organs...
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#my mom didnt book my parent teacher meetings#they are on monday#im literally going to never have another one of these and ive literally no t had a parent show up to them in my memory ever#like i specifially told her how important it was to me#and she forgot and i know there are reason why she forgot#i know that shes got long covid and adhd#but that doesnt change the fact this was my last chance to feel like a normal student#im on my own#its always back to this#its like i dont even have a full parent only a fraction of one#im just always forgotten#she did this with her other kids whats the point in remembering#she knows nothing about my life in school she remembers nothings that i tell her#and i had a lot of trauma happen in school these last two years and i just wanted to feel like someone was actually checking in on me#but im always forgotten#i was given up with from the get go#i feel like i am the only one whos looking out for me
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mothers are so 😶
#garden hotspot#mother ment#she. . .ajskdmsnfnfnem#fucking lies and gaslights me into believing i said and did things i didnt do ABOUT MY HEALTH the moment she gets home lol#and rhen proceeds to have me help with groceries that 'may not be gf i didnt check'#my mother in christ you are the one who forced me to be gf to begin with and then wss pissed i continued it bc i felt better#and its now been 6 years why are you acting like you can forget. how do you forget. i dont understand.#she also offered me dried fruit and i was like 'yeah just dont put it next to your nuts' bc she gets nuts im very allergic to#like hives allergic to. she feeds them to my bird also.#and she got upset with me and complained we have no cabinet space and said it'd be under or on top of them#then i dont want them????? i can just buy myself food??? maam????#this is part of why even when im usually in pain/sick i still go to work so i wont have to deal with her. either of them tbh.#havent gotten a single text from work tho im taking that as a good sign#anyways. fuck mothers. i hate thst i was forced to move back in with them bc they became the lesser of 2 evils every damn day#* into believing i should say that part of me believes her bc i cant remember anything ever but another part of me doesnt#does this make sens e??? idk
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really horribly anxious this morning and can't seem to shake it off :-(
#struggling not to dissociate. just don't really know what I'm going to do with all this i think thats where its coming from#+ exacerbated by so much recent disappointment. its hard not to direct that towards myself even when im not really at fault#not to mention disappointment in other people. which is really just more self disappointment for having expectations in the first place#which are unfeasible/not communicated. i just feel so unreal and unreachable. kind of just incompatible with the world i think#and i dont remember how to weave myself back into it again.im not sure ive ever really known how. immiscibility innit#its ok. going to try and start meditating daily again. and negotiate better boundaries for myself. it might help to journal it out#not on here i mean in a physical journal. i can't hold this exclusively in my head or I'll want to start harming again ik its a trigger#its all okay tho sorry this sounds more dramatic than it actually is. my flatmates gone out so at least i can cry while doing chores#she was dressed up nice and came to say goodbye when she left which she doesnt normally do so i dont think she'll be back for a while#hope she has a good time whatever shes up to. probably shouldve asked in hindsight but im too anxious to be able to talk today#and selfishly it would make me feel worse trying not to compare myself to how much more meshed with reality she is she makes it look easy#she only wanted me to do her suncream but i started trembling rly badly after. just cant physically be around other people right now#well at least i didnt cry in front of her so thats something. okay. ive made a list of tasks so im going to pick them off one at a time#i shouldnt have to think too much about them. and hopefully by the time im done ill feel much calmer#and then maybe i can play a game or smth. but if not i wont be hard on myself ill just go lie down and listen to music instead#man it is a shame about this festival though but it is what it is. therell be other days. i guess im not really a weekend person hey#ah itll all pass its all good. im always okay again eventually however temporarily. i dont need anything other than that#.diaries
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Oh yeah I remember now! The thing I was supposed to post that I forgot! It was about my dead OC. Turns out I DO have a dead OC, it's Seph's older sister. I'm thinking bout her now and the more I do the more I realize how tragic her life is so now obviously I gotta expand on that. As a treat for the other OCs that'd be affected by the death (something that past Aria forgot to do so I'm taking up the mantle for that).
#aria rants#gotta search up terminal illnesses too. cuz sera (her name is seraphina!) died young due to an illness (died at around 18)#i think its tragic in the way that she didnt get to rlly live out her life fully. she went about living her life as best as she can#in the short amount of time she has. she rlly wanted a younger brother too so having seph was the best thing ever for her#but she didnt even get to spend much time with him anyway (seph was 4 years old when sera died) and seph doesnt even#remember the time he spent with her too cuz he was way too young for it. then theres the parents that went and neglected#seph after sera's death. every part of the house has remnants of sera everywhere cuz the parents couldnt move on#sera's ghost haunting the house long after she died all because of their parents that couldnt let go while practically treating#seph as the ghost... and then theres also alec who was around 11 when sera was 18. sera who adored alec as a lil brother#before seph came. and even after seph was born she still liked being around alec and is always visiting their house while#carrying seph. and then theres alec dragging ray along with him whenever sera visits so she ended up gaining another lil brother#in the form of alec's childhood best friend. sera created a small lil circle to make herself as happy as possible before she died#but even then that wasnt rlly enough. she had so much she wanted to do and dreams she wanted to fulfill but all of that#just vanished... thinkin bout how all the ppl sera gotten close to in the short years she's been alive felt after her death#thinkin bout how sera felt as the days passed by and her illness grew worse. what she thought as her death neared
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Rebecca gales has bpd she told me herself
#rebecca gales#the letter#the letter visual novel#listen im new here im not exactly a knowledgeable cookie here about bpd but the more i learn the more im like. inch resting#cuz for starters its like idk if it all applies to me but i find a lot of it very relatable#but when i think about rebecca i think it definitely applies and makes a lot of sense just like the way she feels emotions#shes got so much complex feelings about the people she loves shes very caring and loving#to the point where they feel its too much to handle alsjks like i love how cute she is with isabella when shes worried#she squishes belles face to check for injuries and she pulls isabella into her lap and pets her hair and sings for her#and always gets her food and worries herself into the ground to make sure isabella takes care of herself#and then with ashton hes definitely her favorite person she sees him like a prince charming and remembers everything about their#relationship like her way of showing love is definitely by remembering things and paying attention to how people feel and what they want#and then zach even though they arent as close she still helped him with his movie and she defends him when his movie gets hate#like in such an angry way he tries to brush it off but shes like NO NOBODY GETS TO TALK TO YOU LIKE THAT#and same when luke is shitty to him and tries to steal his camera rebecca lets that guy have it#and with luke even though she does hate him shes the only character who makes him see the good in himself#and she lets him know that hes fully capable of changing and being a good father and person#shes just so loving but at the same time so easily has a split where she cant stand anyone either#she thinks isabella is obnoxiously immature and is jealous as fuck of her and she is very quick to fight with ash#because he just doesnt show his love for her like she does for him and thats just such a problem like#that feeling that youll always love someone way more than anyone will ever love you and it makes her really upset#and like sometimes her feelings just get bitter so quick and at inappropriate times like when shes mad at isabella while shes fucking#in a literal coma because ashton is in love with her and not rebecca and shes just so like wrapped up in her own feelings there that she#completely disregards the entire situation and ashtons grief because she cant think about anything else she just cant help it#so yeah i think its just the way she feels emotions very strongly and switches between them very quickly that makes me think hm maybe#something is going on here 🤨 and i just love it i love her i love how shes just a character whos just like#got all these complicated feelings but shes still loved and gets to slay penis and simply exist as a complex person
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