#even just from seeing his diet go into disordered eating

[homicidalbrunette]

This clip has everything

- an hilarious bit of shade exchange about Queen of the Universe being cancelled and then about the Trixie and Katya show being cancelled and why

- a deep cut Ghost reference

- that Trixie motel season two is about them moving and renovating a new house

- How (as she says herself) she had to pack up her house, renovate a new one and move in all within a month while filming a reality tv show about it

- Doing all this while also doing all her other multiple projects

- During what we know now as when she was already spiralling, thus causing her to have a breakdown

- Katya going suddenly serious with a rather concerned and dubious opinion about this

[vanteguccir]

Body hurting | Harry Styles

Harry Styles x Y/N

Summary: Where the hate that Y/N has been receiving on social media gets her on a path that she couldn't come back alone from.

Warning: Eating disorder, dysmorphia, self-hatred, comparison. PLEASE read with caution!!

Author's note: That is my work, I DON'T authorize any plagiarism! | English isn't my first language, so I'm sorry if there's any grammar error.

༻✦༺ 　༻✧༺　༻✦༺

Y/N was home alone for the second week in a row, and to say that things were easy would be a big lie. Her days were always the same: Spending hours doing different physical exercises and other hours reading the most horrible comments from Harry's fans.

She could never say they were bad people, after all they loved and cared about Harry, but there was something within the fandom against her, and she wondered if it was because she wasn't famous or because she wasn't thin.

Her heart told her that she shouldn't worry about it, there were sweet people who defended her and always presented proof of how much happier Harry seemed to be when with her, but her mind screamed that it was option two.

Hours of sleep were lost with Y/N ​​in front of the mirror, without any clothes and with her hair tied up, her dark eyes with big bags underneath wandering over every part of her body while her brain made records of absolutely all the negative parts.

To say that she wasn't in agony every time she saw an old article about Harry's exes or comments comparing them all to her was an understatement, she could only feel disgusted with herself and her body, while all her past traumas came back with full strength.

With Harry away it made it easier for her to do her fasting and her long hours of physical exercise, in addition to going days without ingesting anything more than one or two leaves of pure lettuce, and lots of water. The feeling of the cold water running through her body and reaching her empty stomach was pleasurable, and all she could think about was how thin she only felt when her stomach was empty.

And without even realizing it, her best friend became her scale, and her greatest partner became her seamstress' measuring tape. Y/N had even printed out some images of the body models she dreamed of having every day, and pasted each one of them in different corners of the house, especially in the kitchen, with strong messages full of triggers that made her think twice before opening the refrigerator or cupboard.

It wasn't surprising that she had an exaggerated reaction when she was told that Harry would have a week without shows, and that in that week he would return home and, consequently, to her. Y/N wasn't prepared to see him again, or rather, she wasn't thin enough to do so. Her weak legs ran around the house, tearing off all the photos and messages stuck to doors and walls, storing them in a far away place, where he wouldn't find.

She tried to take a long shower and brush her teeth repeatedly to get rid of the smell that she got from the lack of food. And then she felt a little ready for what was to come.

It wasn't long before the sound of the key in the main door was heard and the doorknob turned, the tall, dark figure appearing in the doorway with a suitcase in one hand and a big smile on his face, his emerald green eyes searching for her.

Y/N smiled one of her best smiles and ran to meet him, careful not to throw her full weight against him. She couldn't help but feel uncomfortable as his large hands encircled her waist, the worry that he would feel the fat on her back regions running through her mind. But what she didn't notice was the confused look on Harry's face as his fingers felt how much smaller she was, and he wondered if she had started some kind of diet.

"I missed you so much, H." Y/N murmured against his shoulder.

"Not as much as I did, lovie. Every day, I just thought about having you with me, encouraging me and loving me, and then rewarding me." Y/N felt her body tense at the mention of the intimacy they both shared, the thought of him seeing her body, even though he had already seen it so many times that he had memorized every detail, made her fear.

"Why don't we take this suitcase to the bedroom and then see what we do?" She interrupted the moment, walking away with a fake smile and taking the suitcase from the taller man's hands, starting to climb the stairs, leaving a confused and worried Harry behind.

××××

Two days had passed, days full of lies on Y/N's part and worry on Harry's part. Y/N skipped breakfast, using the fact that Harry woke up after her as an excuse, saying that she had already eaten breakfast; At lunch she couldn't just lie or make some excuse, so she simply took a spoonful of the food that the brunette cooked with so much love, and spread it across the plate, trying to give the impression of having a full plate; At dinner she simply said that she wasn't hungry and that she lost the habit of eating dinner after Harry went on tour.

The days went on like this, Harry felt confused about the situation, but it didn't seem like he didn't believe it, so a debate raged between whether to bring up the subject or not.

Until one day. Harry woke up with the morning sun shining through the open curtain, which Y/N ​​opened every day, his body was warm from the duvet and Y/N's scent surrounded it, like Saturn's rings.

The man got up and did his routine, going to the bathroom, taking a quick shower and changing, ready to go down to meet his loved one, who was always waiting for him with a big smile, sitting at the kitchen counter with her cell phone in hand and a cup of coffee, which was just for him.

But today was different, as Harry went down the stairs a muffled sound became clearer, until his brain registered that the sound was of crying, with a frown the man quickened his pace and chased the sound, concern settling in his eyes.

It didn't take long for him to find Y/N in the fetal position on the main sofa in the room, the cell phone in her right hand while her left hand covered her mouth, trying futilely to stifle the sobs that broke from her throat.

Harry ran closer, kneeling on the floor in front of her seat on the sofa and placing his hands on the girl's knees, stroking them lightly.

"Y/N what happened? Who made you cry like this?" His green eyes migrated from her half-covered face and her cell phone.

"H-Harry-" Her voice broke as the taller man's name came out as a whimper.

"I'm here, baby!" He got closer, wrapping his hands around the smaller girl's shoulders, placing his forehead on the top of Y/N's head, breathing in her scent.

"Harry, I don't think I can do this anymore..." Y/N whispered.

"Do what, my love?"

"Us, Harry." The man moved quickly, astonished by his girl's response.

"Did I do something? It was one of those fake news that I'm cheating on you, wasn't it? Baby, I never-"

"No Harry, no. I know you would never do that! And you didn't do anything, I just..." She sighed and looked into his eyes, feeling guilty when she saw the pain in his emerald orbs. "Look at me, Harry, look at this." She pointed to his body, letting a loud sob out.

"What should I be seeing? Besides a beautiful woman."

Y/N laughed in disbelief, shaking her head and feeling a hint of anger start to rise, it was clear he would say something like that just to please her.

"Harry, I'm looking horrible. I don't have visible ribs or a protruding collarbone, I don't have a thigh gap or hip bones, I don't have thin wrists and I don't have well-marked cheekbones, I don't have pointy shoulders and I don't have a defined jaw... I don't have delicate hands or thin fingers, my waist isn't extremely thin and my breasts are too big. Harry, I'm not perfect and I can't give you what you need."

At this point Y/N was crying a desperate cry, with strong sobs that made her body shake and thick tears that ran down her face. Harry had tears welling up in his eyes as his hands balled into fists in anger at whoever had put these thoughts in his beloved's head.

"Y/N, who made you think like that? How can you deduce what I want?"

"Harry..." She closed her eyes tightly, her mind betraying her by bringing up images of Camille, the girl seemed to be kind, but Y/N couldn't help but feel jealous of her perfect body. "I'm not like them, I'm not like her!"

"Who? Baby, please-"

"I'm not like Camille or like Kendall or like Taylor, and I can't give you the pretty, thin image you need, the media hates me and I've lost count of how many times they've told you that you're blind from being with me, and I can't disagree with that."

Harry shook his head in denial, feeling angry at the media and everything they post and say with the intention of always offending someone.

Y/N continued to sob, and the force her body exerted with the act left her weak, the lack of food began to appear again and her eyes saw stars while her head swam. Harry grabbed her arms quickly, steadying her.

"Baby if you keep crying like that you're going to hurt yourself. Take a deep breath for me, hm? I'll get you a glass of water."

The brunette ran to the kitchen, starting to look for the decorated glass that he knew was the girl's favorite. While opening drawers and cabinets, his green eyes found a piece of paper glued to the front of the bottom shelf, where some industrialized sweets were kept. Harry took the paper and pulled it out, seeing a photo of a body exactly as described by Y/N and a note next to it, his eyes widened at the horrible mentions written there and he tried to get up quickly and return to the room, holding the paper firmly in your hands.

"Y/N what is this?" The brown-haired girl looked up quickly, her greatest fear happening right before her eyes. Her mouth opened but nothing came out. "Tell me something, when was the last time you ate anything?" She shook her head, ready to say it was the day before, but Harry interrupted her. "I mean a whole meal with a healthy amount."

Y/N remained silent, her eyes now fixed on the floor covered by the shag carpet, the older man took a deep breath, swallowing the lump that formed in his throat. He walked over to the smallest one and put the photo in his pants pocket, promising himself to look for others like it deep in the house.

"Y/N this is a serious situation, you can't keep something like this to yourself!" He couldn't help but feel frustration, he felt guilty for feeling like that because he knew that it wasn't Y/N's fault, but with the way that all of that came down, it just made his head confused and upset.

"Harry I'm fine, that was just-"

"Baby I bet you haven't eaten in days, do you think this is healthy, that this will get you somewhere other than a hospital bed? Letting this situation compromise you like this because of other people... That's not good for you. You don't need to have the same body as them, you don't need to have bones showing or a flat stomach to be magnificent. Those pants you're wearing were tight until a few weeks ago, and look at them now, they're baggy..."

Y/N kept her gaze down, her eyes were filling with uncontrollable tears that threatened to flow at any second again, her cheeks were heating up and the force she was exerting to contain the tears was starting to generate an unbearable headache. She knew Harry was right.

"I need you to look me in the eyes and tell me everything is okay. Just look into my eyes."

The girl slowly raised her head, her eyes focusing on Harry's beautiful green ones, which now held so much anguish and worry, a tear escaping from the corner of his right eye made her lower lip tremble. She opened her mouth to state that she was fine and that everything was going to get better, but her voice seemed to trail off for a second.

Her body hurt, her legs were wobbly and her arms were shaking slightly, she felt her head feel heavy. It was a horrible feeling, beyond normal.

"I-I... Harry, I think I need help."

She whispered, her tears flowing freely now with the weight of her words. Harry nodded vigorously, relieved that she understood that this situation was not normal, and promising himself that he would be by her side through the entire process, no matter how long it took.

And that night, after his girlfriend fell asleep, Harry cried.

[writingoddess1125]

hiii, could you do a Sanji x reader in which the reader has an eating disorder and Sanji's food is the only one that the reader eats and when Sanji discovers this he tries to take more care of the reader's diet?

(I love your writing, it's so good)

So this does hit very close to home for me and it both made me feel good and cry while writing this.

I did twist this a bit as well, but I hope it's still okay!

I also made this GN since this can happen to Anyone.

Warmth

⚠️Warning: ⚠️ Mention of ED, issues with food and body issues.

Please support me in Ko-Fi

"It's called Shio Ramen, it's a lighter form of ramen made with a much gentler broth. It's not as heavy as normal ramen and doesn't have as much oil" He said calmly, watching your eyes look over it.

You should have realized he had been watching you- from the very beginning you should have known that the Nosey Chef would catch onto you sooner rather then later.

You had always loved food, but you felt like it just.. didn't love you in return. Especially when it was used as a weapon by your loved ones.

From people pushing that 'You're just picky' or 'Just wanting to look a certain way' since you were young at your... aversions. It all starting with your family and the lack of control you felt over your life... it had been a way to control something- even if it was as small as food and how you wanted to look physically.

You had been on the brink of self destruction when the Strawhats arrived on your island home, of course their swirling of chaos following them-

Needing a Barber for their crew, so you jumped at the opportunity to join them; running away from the shackles of your home and the onces youd once called your family to new adventure and freedom.

However some shackles still remained..

It had some weeks, close to a month on board the Strawhat Ship before you even ate Sanji's food, passing your plate to Liffy who would eat it up or not showing up to meals at all-.

If you did he'd often making you bowls which you would take single spoonfuls of before not taking more- eating only when you were sure no one was around and what you had been used to, if you decided at all.

But as time passed, you did gradually eat more of his cooking- trusting him more as you wouldn't skin meal times or take single bites anymore, while it tasted good- you always felt that anxiety rise up eventually..

You should have known he would have seen this all.. noticed your actions and ways. Planning his next move-

Which took place on a sleepy late afternoon.

Sitting in your quarters you were trying to read a book Nami had let you borrow, but your mind just kept drifting off in a daze as you watched the sea pass you by- as well as the memories of the past invading and poking your mind.

A soft knock snapping you from your whirlpool of thoughts as you look up to see Sanji, calmly staring at you. His coat off and only in a button-down, his nice pants and freshly polished shoes a unlit cigarette placed perfectly on his lip as he smiled softly at you.

"Hey (Y/N)- follow me for a sec?" He asked, you of course nodding as you rose and followed behind your peer down the corner- being lead right to the kitchens.

Anxiety hitting your chest then as he motioned for you to seat on one of the island benches in the kitchen.

Sitting down you nervously look at the chef as he calmly walked around to the stoves on the otherside of the island countertop.

You assuming he was going to scold you for not eating or put you on blast...

"How do you like it on the ship so far?" He asked innocently as he began to grab a pot. There ge had you watch him as he cooked- You watched the ingredients he picked, how he washed his hands with every step asking what things were to your taste which he cleverly hid in casualy conversation...

It was actually fun to watch, the care and time he put into cooking and talking to you- Truthfully it had actually started to look delicious and smell good as well as you watched him pour a light broth over Fluffy noodles you'd watch him make by hand.

Not a word had to be said after that, Instead he sat next to you calmly with his own bowl and began to silently eat. Tears welling in your eyes as you grabbed the spoon and took a sip of the hot broth- Warmth filling your stomach and chest- finally that cold anxiety started to ease away as the soft flavors of the warm Shio Ramen filled your senses.. like a blanket beging placed over your shoulders... it was just what you needed... what you'd always needed.

"You want to try some?" He asked, getting a hesitant nod from you. He smiled softly, setting the already prepared bowl infront of you before making his own.

Sanji glanced at you and held out his handkerchief to you, At first confused before realizing salty tears were rolling down your cheeks. Accepting the gift you cleaned up your face and set back into eating, smiling softly to yourself as you did so.

It finally felt like... someone cared- And what more could you ask for?

Maybe a second helping?..

[moonstruckme]

Hi! I am absolutely in love with your writing! The way you portray our boys is just *chefs kiss*

Anywho, I was wondering if I could request poly!marauders x plus size reader? Maybe she is very confident until somebody picks on her and she starts becoming obsessed with dieting and stuff. (I'm struggling a lot with that rn) just a bunch of worry and comfort from our boys.

If you don't feel comfortable writing this or just the prompt I gave it's okay. Ily!♡

Hi, thanks for requesting my love! I'm really sorry you're struggling right now, I know how hard it can be and hope you're doing your best to take good care of yourself. You're beautiful just as you are <33

cw: size insecurity, behavior that hints at disordered eating

poly!marauders x plus size!reader ♡ 1.2k words

The worst part is, you know they weren’t even really trying to insult you. 

You smiled as best you could, said your thanks politely, and moved on. Moved on outwardly, that is. Inside, the words play over and over in your head, like a song on the radio that gets worse each time you listen to it. It wasn’t that they were vicious, or particularly clever, or even wrong. It’s just, you’re not used to people commenting on your body like that. 

You know you’re not skinny. So does everyone else. Neither of you typically feel the need to confer about it. Every now and again, some cruel busybody will say something, but that’s fairly easy to brush off. They’re insecure about their own looks, they have nothing better to do than fixate on strangers’ appearances, they’ve probably been on diet pills since they were twelve. You wish them well and mostly forget about it. But what’s worse is when someone comes to you with good intentions. The idea of being perceived as pitiful or wrong—really, having your physical form perceived at all—by someone who seems to want the best for you is what really hurts. That’s what makes you want to hide, to shrink yourself down until they can’t see you anymore. To become the invisible status quo. 

It’s why, over the last few days, anything skintight or remotely showy has been relegated to the back of your closet in favor of things that hide your figure. Why you’ve stopped drawing attention to yourself with colorful makeup and instead started focusing on your health. Well, your health as it presents itself externally. 

“Anyone else fancy a dessert?” Sirius muses as you sit reading on the couch, Remus reading the next book in the series beside you. 

“Um, no,” James says, holding up a hand of cards from the game he and Sirius have been playing, “you only want to go so you don’t have to stick around and lose.” 

“Whatever my other, subconscious motives may be,” Sirius says guilelessly, “I really feel like something chocolate. Don’t you, Moons?”

That’s always a safe bet. Remus looks up from his book, intrigued. “I could go for some chocolate.” 

Sirius grins. “What about you, gorgeous?”

That’s usually a safe bet too. But you shouldn’t. “Thanks, but I’m still full from dinner.” 

Sirius looks cheated, and Remus cocks his head at you. “Really? Didn’t seem like you ate much.” He’s not wrong. Remus had made the most incredible feta pasta, it was borderline heartbreaking to leave any on your plate. But you’re trying to practice restraint, and thankfully, James had happily taken care of your leftovers for you. “Did you have a late lunch or something?”

“Mhm.” 

James looks up, eyebrows furrow bemusedly behind his glasses. “No you didn’t, angel. You said you didn’t feel like lunch after we had breakfast together, remember?”

“Oh.” You nod. So what? You’d had a late breakfast, and a decently sized dinner, and why do you really need more than two meals anyway? Who made that rule? You’re a bit hungry, but your body just needs time to adjust to your new routine. It’s used to overindulging. And nothing about today means you deserve dessert. “Right.” 

Sirius wraps his fingers delicately around your ankle, smoothing a path up your shin with his palm. “Darling,” he says, and he looks distracted as he runs his fingers over the old scars on your knee, but you know him well enough to recognize when he’s keyed in, “did you eat anything today, other than breakfast and that little bit of dinner? Any snacks or anything?” 

You can’t help the little rush of pride that goes through you. “No.” 

Sirius doesn’t look proud. In fact, he’s frowning, as are Remus and James. You change tactics. “I’m not really hungry, though.” 

“No?” Sirius' voice is unsettlingly gentle. “Why don’t you want to have dessert tonight, pretty girl?”

“Because,” you say, beginning to feel defensive (though you’re not sure of what), “I don’t need it.” 

“It’s not about need, though,” James says, and why is it beginning to feel like you’re in an argument? “It’s about what you want. Do you want a little something sweet?”

“I…” Yes. The answer is yes, but do you want it more than you want to feel good about yourself? “I think what I want more is to prove to myself that I can go without it.” 

Remus’ scars shift as his face scrunches in concern. “Dove,” he says, and you can’t decide if his tone is more reprimand or pity. You don’t like either option. “Where is this coming from?” 

“I’m just…I’m trying something new,” you decide. “I want to lose a little weight, okay? Nothing crazy.” 

“But why?” James sets down his cards, looking completely befuddled. “Angel, you’re gorgeous. You can do whatever you want, but we love you just like you are.” 

“And,” Sirius adds before you can reply, “we love you most when you’re happy. I sort of thought,” he says, lowering his voice like he’s telling you a secret, “that our late-night treat runs made you happy. No?”

“They do.” You pull your legs up onto the couch, away from Sirius’ touch. “I just…I think it would make me happy to be a more normal size, too.” 

Remus looks gutted. “Honey, you…it’s your body, and you should do whatever feels right for you to be healthy, but…we love you like this,” he insists, ardent. “You’re beautiful, I mean it, and I hate the idea that you might want to change for…well, for anyone other than yourself.” 

You hesitate. You’re not actually sure who you’re doing this for. When had you become one of the people who want for you to be smaller so desperately? “You seriously don’t think I would look better if I were thinner?” You’ve never been one to put much stock into what any men think of your appearance, so you feel silly for asking, but you’re in a vulnerable state. And really, don’t all guys want a girl that looks like the love interests in the movies you all grew up with? 

James looks you in the eye, letting you see the earnestness in his as he says, “You’re absolutely lovely, right here, right now. We wouldn’t change a thing.” 

Your answering smile is oddly watery. Remus makes an awfully lovely cooing sound, leaning over to wrap an arm around your waist and paying no mind to the chub there as he pulls you into his side. “Don’t be upset, darling. You know what I bet will cheer you up?” He smiles as you look up at him questioningly, kissing between your brows. “Some chocolate. How would you feel about that?”

You let out a quiet little laugh. “Pretty good.” 

“Yes!” Sirius pumps his fist in the air, already abandoning his cards and standing up. “I knew you’d come through, gorgeous. Now I think the more pressing question is, do we want chocolate pastries or chocolate ice cream?”

“Ice cream, obviously,” James says. “Before it gets so cold out we don’t feel like it.” 

“Not all of us suffer from weather constraints,” Sirius argues. “I vote pastry.” 

“Why would you bring ice cream up if you didn’t want it? Think long and hard, Pads. Are you going to feel like a frozen dessert when you need three layers to go outside in a few weeks?”

Remus rolls his eyes at you as you follow them out the door, letting your boys continue their bickering all the way to the store.

[weebsinstash]

I've been having a lot of FOOD based ideas for Alastor recently, because cooking and eating in general can actually be VERY personal, intimate things, so here's a bunch of concepts all at once

- I keep thinking of ideas where Reader's hotel room is set up like a studio apartment and you have your own little kitchen in there and ideas stemming from that where Alastor likes to pop in and see what youre cooking and, semi occasionally give critique you didnt ask for but is sometimes actually super helpful

You know, I've had a whole "hotel having group meals" thing and I just picture there are specific nights or times where everyone has the option to gather for some home cooked food, but Alastor refuses to participate because Lucifer is the one cooking, so he's wandering the Hotel until he smells something absolutely delicious, and he finds you cooking in your room, and him visiting you starts becoming a regular thing. He just suddenly appears two feet behind you without warning, "SO! What's for eatin' tonight?" with his Cheshire grin while you give a startled shriek and he potentially has to keep you from spilling or breaking whatever you're holding

- I've been learning how to cook more things and, since it's, you know, LEARNING, I have to look up and double check a lot of stuff, which I use my cellphone for, and I can imagine Alastor HAAAAATING this. You're telling me you've got this intelligent, distinguished gentleman chef right next to you and his nosey ass peeks over your shoulder to see you Voogling "how to cook rice"???? You'd rather use that blasted device than ask your deer friend? He'd be kind of offended actually. Just one of those things that makes him click his tongue at you and pat your head like you're so pitifully helpless, how are you EVER going to be able to care for yourself if you overly rely on tech so much? Guess he'll just have to use this as an excuse to become a mentor to you--

- so, you know, I'm gonna come right out and say I have some, vaguely disordered eating habits, and I can just picture Alastor having some uh, feelings about if his dear Reader wasn't eating properly. Like, this is a Louisiana man from the deep south who's probably grown up on all kinds of soul food and delicious but soooo unhealthy meals where the focus is really more on if it fills your tummy and tastes good, so like... imagine he's been dining with you and getting closer to you and he pops in on you one day, "hey hon, what's for lunch today?" in his typical joking self and you're just like, "oh actually I'm on a diet so I'm fasting right now :)". Pandemonium.

Like literally, Alastor is deriving so much comfort and entertainment from your food and getting to spend time with you and even just chat with you while you cook even of he isn't hungry, and one day he hears your stomach growl and he asks you when you ate last and "oh I had a breakfast sandwich yesterday morning" and you act like that's totally normal that you're standing there borderline salivating from hunger and he can HEAR your tummy growling and you're just "oh my gosh I'm so happy I've been losing so much weight! This new diet is really working for me ^^"

- honestly I keep thinking of. Alastor with a BBW or just plus sized person in general and he loves how big and soft and cuddly you are and you bake all kinds of delicious treats and snacks to spoil him with and he gives you hugs like he did with Mimzy so you can really SQUEEZE his lanky scarecrow ass up against your plush body, BUT I also see him in this scenario personally detesting when you start dieting, because in this scenario you're basically becoming kind of orthorexic, fasting, limiting what foods you eat and how much, eating foods with very little caloric value in high amounts. He can't share meals with you anymore. You don't cook the foods he likes anymore. You're becoming obsessed with diet and exercise but you're not even consuming the right combination of nutrients to properly and healthily lose weight and build muscle so you're just, slowly becoming weaker and more malnourished like LITERALLY becoming significantly more unhealthy trying to diet than what you were doing before

I just picture it gets to the point where Alastor literally forces you to eat. I'm talking you're bound in a chair, he's sitting across from you, and there's a hearty meaty bowl of stew in his hands as he raises a spoonful up to your mouth. You're crying and whimpering over how this will make you gain weight and being forced to take bites and, something about this meat tastes a little unusual as Alastor starts talking about, "lovely ladies such as yourself need more iron in their diet to stay healthy"

- I know I keep thinking of Alastor cannibalism ideas in a horror context but I've also thought about Reader CONSENSUALLY engaging in cannibalism. Like. Alastor comes to visit you one day and he can tell something has happened to you. It's all over your face: dour expression, dead eyes, low voice, just more withdrawn. You're cooking some kind of meat in a way he would consider almost experimental, as if you're not used to preparing this dish before, dont know how to season or flavor it. I think he would be able to tell by the smell what it is but I like to picture he's in peaceful ignorance until you quietly set down a plate in front of him and one for yourself as you take a seat with him and you just, quietly glance from him and the food and start talking,

"I, uh... was drinking with a friend of mine, a male friend... JUST a friend, and, I, I thought he was really nice, and, funny, and, I caught him trying to put something in my drink, so," and you look up at Alastor after you finish chewing a bite,

"Does he taste overcooked to you?"

And Alastor just gets this BIG smile, ears twitching happily, so thrilled for multiple multiple reasons, "oh hon, he tastes DIVINE, you really outdid yourself❤️❤️❤️"

- I will say though an idea I keep coming back to actually involves Rosie! You've been cooking with Alastor for weeks and, one day he shows up with company! I think it would actually be quite flattering at first: Alastor brought a friend to eat with you? And she's like, an important person? So... you're friends then? He likes you enough to bring his buddies around and introduce you? And of course, Rosie is an absolute delight, loves your cooking, loves your jokes, adores you, tries to chatter and pry all kinds of juicy details and gossip out of you, just a friendly chatty Cathy

Unbeknownst to you, some of the meat Alastor occasionally provides has been different types of Sinner Demons and one day Rosie comes to stop by where you're staying and, you're absolutely hysterical, in a rage, and Rosie has to ask Alastor, "oh, what's wrong? What's with all the tears, hon?"

"She doesn't like eating Hector."

"But she LOVES eating Hector! She loves how all his cartilage and fat cooks down!"

"She :) may or may not have been aware she was eating Hector"

"ALASTOR >:("

But Rosie is also too attached with you at this point so, you know, they'll ""apologize"" for not informing you you've been eating like entire fucking people, but, they're not uh, they're not gonna stop coming around. Like can you picture they come to visit you days later like it's nothing and you don't come to the door and they "invite themselves in" (alastor may or may not have copied your key, not that he needs to but it's more formal than using his magic to break in) and your fridge and pantry have been completely cleared out of every single ingredient and cooked meal, like you couldn't trust a single fucking thing, not even the bouillon cubes, and they find all your lovingly cooked meals that the two cannibals loved to eat with you, rotting in a garbage can outside. Not that they're gonna dig shit out of the trash or anything but like imagine them BEING ANNOYED that you've wasted perfectly good food. Not just your money, but, sweetie, all your hard work :'(

- also, final one. Circling back to the "you cook in your hotel room but sometimes Lucifer serves group meals" idea, imagine Alastor eventually really does something to piss you off and, he's coming to join you for dinner and there's already other people there, the whole Hotel actually, INCLUDING Lucifer. And I just. Oooo I picture the jealousy, like EXTREME JEALOUSY where you're turning and asking Lucifer how to do certain things and teach you and you just seem so much more COMFORTABLE around the tiny devil over the cannibal and Alastor is grinding his teeth while you're talking, "Alastor doesn't like tea so, I guess you and I get to have all this sweet tea I made for ourselves" and Lucifer just, "oh gosh, I'd never pass up on something YOU made. I've been having a lot of fun teaching you stuff and cooking more! You could even call us," *looks DIRECTLY at Alastor* "best friends >:)"

ALASTOR GRINDING HIS TEETH TO DUST, stalking up to the two of you, twisting and snapping his neck to tower over Lucifer, "may I SPEAK with you PRIVATELY for a moment" and Lucifer just, "uhhhhhh, no? I'm helping her finish food for everyone" and then the little fallen angel turns his head towards you, "oh no, don't cut that like that, you might hurt yourself!" And he slides up next to you on a stool or uses his wings and, he's MUCH touchier than Alastor so the stag is like VISIBLY UPSET as Lucifer gently puts his own hands over yours, "here, place your fingers like this and cut in this motion--" AND WHAT'S THE WORST IS YOU DON'T SEEM TO MIND LUCIFER TOUCHING YOU, like. Alastor is about to start full blown tantruming on a room full of people. Charlie is inviting him to come and sit down while Husker knows the Radio Demon well enough to see he's about to pop a blood vessel and prompt excuses himself from the room to avoid what will surely become a physical altercation

God forbid, Lucifer says some shit like, "you know, your cooking reminds me a lot like my third wife's" and you're just "oh, you got married a third time???" And here's the Devil, SHAMELESSLY "oh, not yet ;)"

Yeah, I'd say a pretty big fight would break out after that

[buccini555]

— 𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫

♡ They ended up finding out you have an eating disorder when you ended up in the hospital

♡H e a d c a n o n s ! ୨୧ x r e a d e r !

♡ Request from a very special person! (It's a sensitive subject, so please be careful, okay?)

♡ 𝑭𝒕. Sanzu Haruchiyo, Inui Seishu, Rindou Haitani, Ran Haitani, Izana Kurokawa, Kakucho Hitto, Yuzuha Shiba and Akane Inui ₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ⑅₎ ⊹

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐳𝐮 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐲𝐨⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

It would be painful and worrying for Haruchiyo to see you in a hospital, once he found out the reason for such hospitalization, he would spend hours studying your disorder to find out how to help you, besides, he wouldn't force you to eat or anything like that, but he would encourage you to eat properly

When Sanzu went to visit you at the hospital, he was quite quiet, but as soon as he saw you, he gave a small smile, relieved that you were still by his side.

"I promise I'll take better care of you."

He said holding your hand, looking at you in the kindest way possible.

"You are important to me, I will be by your side no matter what happens, soon everything will be fine and you will come home!"

He took a small stuffed bunny out of the pocket of the coat he was wearing and placed it in your hand, making you smile.

"I love seeing that pretty happy face!" Sanzu spoke as soon as he noticed that you were starting to feel better with his presence.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚𝐈𝐧𝐮𝐢 𝐒𝐞𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐮⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

He would be extremely scared and worried at the same time, Inui already suspected your disorder, for that reason, he always encouraged you to eat properly and also tried to improve the way you saw yourself

As soon as he learned that you were hospitalized, he had a feeling that the reason for such hospitalization was caused by your restricted eating.

"We'll get through this together, I promise I'll take better care of you, it's going to be okay, got it, my sweetie?"

He said, smiling with teary eyes, Seishu was afraid of losing you.

"... And I also hope that you believe me when I say that you are perfect, none of the compliments that exist in this world would describe how perfect you are to me."

Placing a small kiss on your cheek, he held you close and was stroking your hair in silence, trying to make you as comfortable as possible and letting you know that you weren't alone in that moment and no matter how hard it was, Inui would be by your side until that everything gets better.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚𝐑𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐮 𝐇𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐢⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

Rindou didn't quite understand what you were going through, so he often ended up arguing with you about your diet, but as soon as he found out about your disorder, everything changed in his view

He quickly went to the hospital where you were hospitalized, as soon as he saw you, the blonde smiled relieved that you were okay.

"I-I'm so sorry..."

Rindou said with his voice trembling, you asked him the reason for such an apology, and in the midst of trying to hide the tears he explained.

"... I had no idea how you felt. I'll take better care of you! I'll do my best to make you feel better."

You had never seen Rindou open up like that, so you could see how worried he was, he spent a few minutes in total silence just watching you and stroking your face, Rindou would certainly take care of you with all the love and patience in the world.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚𝐑𝐚𝐧 𝐇𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐢⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

Ran had already noticed your disorder, even without having spoken directly about it, he always asked you to eat well

As soon as he got the news that you were in the hospital, he didn't hesitate and immediately went to visit you, he already knew the reason, so he tried to be as careful as possible at that moment.

"Don't ever scare me like that again my sunshine, I will always be here to take care of you and show you how amazing you are." Ran said a few words, before arriving at the hospital, he bought you flowers and handed them to you to at least bring some joy to that empty hospital room and also show some affection on his part, he didn't know how to act, but he was sure who would do their best to help you overcome your disorder.

Ran remained beside you in the room in silence, just giving you light caresses and comforting you as best he could.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚𝐈𝐳𝐚𝐧𝐚 𝐊𝐮𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

Izana always paid a lot of attention to you, he often noticed that your food was very limited, for that reason, he always convinced you to eat

When he found out you were in the hospital for your eating disorder, Izana realized the seriousness of the matter and immediately went to visit.

"... My princess/prince, I'm so worried about you! It's going to be okay, I'm going to make everything okay."

He hugged you, later gently holding your face and giving you a small kiss, Izana committed to helping you overcome your disorder, even though he wasn't sure how it would be to deal with such a fact, he would remain by your side, ensuring that you to feed yourself, but always being patient and respecting your limits.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚𝐊𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐨 𝐇𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐨⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

Kakucho had no idea what you were going through, he only realized how serious it was when you went to the hospital

As soon as he received the news, Kakucho dropped absolutely everything he was doing and went to visit you, when he learned the reason for such a trip to the hospital, he felt guilty for having let things get to this.

"... My love? Well I'm so sorry this happened, I'll take better care of you, I'll help you eat better and I'll also be here for anything you need."

Kakucho sat next to you, giving you a small kiss on the cheek and together handing you a small stuffed kitten he had bought, he didn't know much about eating disorders, but he was totally willing to learn about it to help you deal with it.

"I'm here... I'll always be here!"

He said, hugging you, he promised himself that that situation would never happen, as he would make you eat properly and healthily with all the love and patience possible.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚𝐘𝐮𝐳𝐮𝐡𝐚 𝐒𝐡𝐢𝐛𝐚⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

Yuzuha argued with you many times over your limited diet, her concern increased even more when she found out that you were in the hospital

She went to visit you, already knowing the reason for your stay to the hospital, Yuzuha was extremely anxious to see you, as soon as she saw you, she gave you a strong hug and thanked you for being well.

"I'll take better care of you, you'll get better soon, got it, my life?"

She said, still thinking of ways to help you with your disorder, Yuzuha didn't want to be strict or make you feel uncomfortable, so she thought of ways to help you in the kindest and most loving way possible, where you felt safe.

She was silent for a while, just stroking your face and keeping her company.

"... You're perfect for me." Said Yuzuha.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚𝐀𝐤𝐚𝐧𝐞 𝐈𝐧𝐮𝐢⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

Akane already suspected about her disorder, for that reason, she was always careful with your food

When she found out that you were in the hospital, Akane immediately went to visit you, taking you some flowers and a get well card, she was sad to see you that way, for that reason, she committed herself to helping you overcome your disorder.

"We're going to stick together and we're going to take care of each other, my sweetheart!"

Akane always tried to stay calm to calm you down, she hugged you, making you feel better.

Akane spent some time researching and studying how she could best help you, she would stay by your side, caring and looking out for your well-being.

[larissareadings]

It’s okay, love.

➤ pairing: Draco Malfoy x gryff!fem!reader (house barely mentioned).

Request: None

tw: eating disorder; mentions of bullying and anxiety attack.

Note: I’ve wrote this based on personal experiences and what I needed at the time. DO NOT read this if it’s not comfortable for you. If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, please reach out for help.

English is not my native language so I’m sorry if there is any mistakes. This is my first fic ever so it might not be so good. I hope you enjoy it though.

Summary: Y/N is a keeper at the Gryffindor (barely mentioned) team, who has been developing an eating disorder and Draco Malfoy seems to be only one who noticed it.

Y/N always had problems with her body image. At her early teens at Hogwarts she used to be mocked, mostly by Pansy Parkinson and her friends, because she was too thin. When Y/N turned 14, she started gaining weight since she was eating too much due to her increased anxiety, and then she was again being mocked, except now because she was getting fat, and everyone talked about it, even when they didn’t want to be mean, saying things like “you should get on a diet”. By 16, Y/N started focusing on her weight loss journey, she was finally gonna be health, delicate and beautiful as the other girls her age.

Some months later

It was right after the quidditch match between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw. They won, of course, since you’ve let too many quaffles go through the goal hoops. You’re a keeper at the Gryffindor team, and you’re good at it. When you’re not dizzy anyway.

“It happened again, didn’t it?”

you heard the familiar voice behind you. It sounded soft, which was not a usual thing. You closed your locker and turned around to face Malfoy. The others had already left the locker room, so now it was just you and him.

"It happened what again, Malfoy?" you asked him, trying to sound indifferent, when you were all, but that. He had some power over you, it was irritating actually, how nervous you would get when he was around.

Malfoy has been acting weird these past few months, he didn't tease you anymore. When his friends said anything about you, he would either just leave or just stare at you, but never laugh with them, never contribute to their bullying. He was the only one in the group who said nothing about your recent weight loss. The others did. Pansy would never loose the chance to say you finally learnt to shut your mouth.

You hated that he hadn't said anything, you worried you hadn't lost enough weight for him to notice, and you wanted him to see that you could be pretty too.

He looked in you up and down, checking you, before focusing on your eyes again and said "Dizziness."

You didn't understand why he was saying this, why he would notice you feeling dizzy. "Yeah.. just a little. I'm bit distract that's all". A few seconds went by where he said nothing, just stood there looking at you. Was that concern in his eyes? You couldn't tell. "Look, uhmm, I don't know where this is coming from, but I have to go. If you have any jokes to make about me being a bad keeper, or an ugly, fat bad keeper or whatever" you noticed him flinch at that, as if it had hurt him. "say it now or leave it for tomorrow 'cause I'm really tired and just wanna go to my bed"

He walked towards you, enough for him to talk low and look closely into your eyes, making you even more nervous, and said "You have to stop this, Y/N, it's making you sick."

"I don't know what you talking about"

Now he let out a breath in disbelief. "Oh, you don't know what I'm talking about? Let my clarify to you, then, It's a very simple concept, really, I thought you would know it by now." He was actually getting angry. "In order to live, people have to eat. It's the only way to get nutrients into your body. Really, Y/N, that's basics"

"I know about that. It's a good thing I eat, then, right?'' You said also angry now with his sudden aggressiveness.

"Do you though? 'Cause what I'm seeing-" he said gesturing to your body "is a girl fading away, a girl who plays with food at lunch instead of actually eating it, a girl who who used to be a great keeper, but now can't barely stand in a broom because is too weak to do so." He could feel his heart in his throat. He was so nervous, so scared you would fall off that broom. More than he could ever admit. He was keeping his worry to himself for months, hoping you would stop, hoping someone would intervene, but no one did. People just kept either praising your weight loss or humiliating you. But he couldn't stop himself anymore, if you had got hurt today, he would never forgive himself.

You felt your heart skip a beat at that. He was worried. Really worried. You didn't know how to react. You felt seen, someone saw what you were going through. But you also felt good, reassured. So you WERE thinner, and he noticed. “You know what? I don’t get it. Weren’t you and your friends the ones who said I was too heavy to play quidditch? that my weight would slow me down? that I would fall? that the broomstick couldn’t take it?” you now had tears in your cheeks. Your vision was blured by the tears and, God, you were so tired.

Malfoly’s heart might’ve actually broke in that moment. He was so angry at everyone who didn’t notice you hurting yourself, when he was actually the who drove you into it.

‘‘I am so tired.” you kept talking now, tears rolling down your face. “Why is it never enough? I’m tired. I’m thin, I’m ugly. I’m fat, I’m ugly too, and disggusting. I need a diet. I do a diet. and now fading away? OH well, just let me be happy for once.and I am happy now, ok? I’m finally beautiful.” You were talking so fast and you were feeling so weak. Malfoy saw that, so he immediately hold you in a hug, preventing you from falling. Your head were now in his chest, and you were trying to stop crying, trying to make your heart go back to it’s normal rhythm.

“It’s okay. It’s okay, love.” He said stroking your hair. “I’m sorry” he said almost inaudible.

After a few minutes you heart and breathing were finally stable again. You detached yourself from his harms, although his hands were still in both sides of your arms. You looked up to him with watery eyes. You hated crying in front of people. "I'm sorry" you said.

"It's okay." He said again, looking back at you. Taking his hesitant hand, like he was afraid to actually break you, to clean your cheeks from the tears. "I promise".

"Why are you doing this?" you were really confused. You had never seen Malfoy this gentle and.. scared?

He caressed you cheeks while looking from your eyes to your mouth. He then joined your foreheads and spoke really low, like a whisper. “I need you, Y/N.”

“what?” you said also in a whisper. you couldn't believe what you were hearing.

“I need you, and I need you to get better. This is making me crazy. I’m scared all the time. I’m scared you’re gonna fall off the stairs, or the broom. I’m scared of you getting hurt. Please.. just- just let me help, ok? Tell me what to do, and I’ll do it. Anything.”

“Can you.. uhmm. eat? with me, I mean” you asked detaching your heads to look in his eyes.

“Sure” He said immediately. “Is that all?”

“No.” you let out a breath in relief with his answer and smile a little. “But it may be a start. I think”

“Ok.” He returned your smile. “You should probably talk with someone else, though. Someone who could help more. A professor, maybe. I’ll go with you, if you want me to.”

“Yeah.. ok. Can we go to McGonagall, then? Not now, please. When I’m ready.”

“Of course. Anyone you want, love.” He said looking back at you before you hugging him again. Letting your head rest in his chest while he stroke your hair again. This felt like home to both of you. You were so scared, but he was hopeful. He would do anything for you to feel better.

This whole not eating thing made you so tired, but it was also so addictive. You didn’t know if you could ever get better, but maybe this was a start. Having someone to lean on, someone who cared.. it certainly helped.

[chicago-pd-is-weird]

Jay Halstead x Fem!Reader

TW: main theme of eating disorders, reader has a panic attack

Requested by: @sorry-i-spaced

You walked into the bullpen, settling down at your desk for the day. You'd gotten there fairly early, early enough to be the only one there, aside from Adam. Seeing as he'd been having issues at home, he seemed to spend more and more time at work. You nodded to him. "Hey Adam, good morning."

"Morning, (Y/N)," he responded, humming as he looked up from the computer. "You're in early."

You shrugged. "I could say the same thing about you." You shook your head, getting logged on to the computer and working on some reports you had in your desk tray.

A few moments later, Adam scoffed at something on his computer, making your eyes jump up to him. He looked to you. "You see these new dieting trends?"

You took in a short breath, but shook your head, trying to play it off as you looked back down. "No, I don't follow that stuff."

Anymore.

Sometimes you missed it, in a way. You didn't miss the suffering, the growl of your empty belly, or the feeling of eating only lettuce for lunch. But you missed feeling skinny. You missed being able to fit in a size 2 pant and an XS tshirt. You missed getting compliments, people asking if you'd lost weight, and bonding with people over it. It was so unhealthy, and yet, you'd made multiple 'friends' that way.

"It says here a juice clense and intermittent fasting can help you lose twenty pounds within a month. That's insane!" Adam laughed.

"Yeah," you mumbled, trying to seem as disinterested as possible. You remembered all of your therapy techniquies, trying to calm yourself down and tune Adam out. He dropped it for a while, just scoffing at his computer every now and then as he seemed to deep-dive on some articles. Obviously, he had too much time on his hands. You wished Voight was there to assign the man some work.

An hour or so later, the others started to pile in. Hailey arrived and so did Antonio, the two of them chatting about boxing or something of the like. You hadn't really been paying attention, until Adam spoke up again. "Hey, guys, look what we found earlier."

We? No, not we. You.

You huffed, trying not to let Adam get to you. It was just a touchy subject. It wasn't his fault, he didn't know, but it hurt you nevertheless. You just wanted the conversation to be over.

"Juice clense and fasting?" Antonio shook his head. "Nah, they got it all wrong. If you're going to diet, you have to go Keto."

"Antonio, that's so 2009," Adam mocked, rolling his eyes.

"Hey, Laura was on it for a while," he shrugged. "I think she lost a few pounds, but she gave it up after a while. It's hard to just cut out certain things."

"How about we cut out this conversation?" You growled from your desk, not looking up. "Bad for your health."

"Yo, (Y/N), what's your problem?" Adam asked, all three of them looking to you. "Not like we're actually doing it. Just talking."

"Yeah, well, some people do it. It's not funny, either." You looked up with the hardest glare you could muster, hoping your eyes weren't glossed over with tears.

Hailey, who hadn't truly joined the conversation until now, looked to Adam. "She's right, you shouldn't even be looking at that stuff at work. They're all gossip articles." She shrugged and moved to her own desk to get busy. Anotnio went to his own desk too, leaving Adam alone with your glare.

Jay walked in just a moment after, looking around at the silence in the bullpen, then sitting at his own desk. Kim and Kevin soon followed suit, walking in and chatting about some new trend on TikTok. You ignored everyone, just keeping your head down and finishing your case reports. Then, you went to the bathroom. When you came back, you could hear Adam talking to Hailey about you, wondering what was the issue.

Since you'd been dating Jay, Hailey had become like a sister to you. Hailey was practically ignoring Adam's asks. "Come on, Hailey, what's her problem today? She's been grumpy since she came in. Jay? Did you not satify her last night or something?"

"That's enough, Adam," Hailey huffed, shaking her head. "I don't know what's going on, but it's obviously none of our business if she didn't tell us. Drop it."

"Adam, dude, shut up for once in your life," Jay chimed in, shaking his head. "Just let it be. If you pissed her off, she'll come talk to you later."

"Dude, what did I do? All I wanted was to make conversation," Adam huffed. "Why did she come in so early anyways, huh? Did you piss her off first and she's taking it out on me?"

Jay stood from his desk. "Alright, shut up right now, Ruzek, or I'll lay you out in the middle of the bullpen."

Adam stood from his desk, huffing. "Yeah, I'd like to see you try, Halstead."

"Alright, that's enough," Antonio said, standing himself. "I'll lay the both of you out on your asses if you don't both sit down and shut up." He shook his head. "Ruzek, why don't you go check on this?" Finally, someone had found Ruzek something to do. You thanked your lucky stars Antonio was there. He had always stood up for you, even if you weren't close friends. Antonio handed Adam a paper with about twenty names. "Take Kevin with you."

Kevin looked up. "Hey, what did I do to deserve that?"

"Nothing," Anotnio said with a shrug. "It's not a punishment for you. Just go, now."

The two men looked at one another, then left together down the stairs. You sighed in soft relief, still standing against the doorway back into the bullpen. You looked at the four people left, nodding as Hailey met your gaze. You sat back down at your desk as if nothing had happened. You were relieved not only to have some peace and quiet, but to have the instigator removed. Adam wasn't a bad guy, but he was definitely still immature, being practically the youngest on the team. He didn't know how to pick up on social cues the way Hailey or Antonio did. It was his biggest downfall.

Some time later, Voight came into the office, having been at a ComStat meeting all morning. He looked around, seeing the silence, then hummed as he shoved his hands in his pockets. "So, I'm two officers down and the rest of you are silent? What's going on?"

Antonio looked up. "I sent them out to drop anchor on some streets we suspect trafficking patterns run through. Do we have a case?"

"No," Voight said, humming and looking to you, Jay, Hailey, and Kim. "What about the rest of you?"

"Finishing some reports, Sarge," Jay said, motioning to the stack on his desk.

"I'm helping with that," Hailey confirmed.

"Filing," Kim said from the filing cabinets near Antonio.

"I just finished my reports a few mintures ago," you said with a shrug. "If there's anything I can help with, let me know."

Voight hummed, then nodded and walked through to his office, motioning Antonio with him. The two shut the office door and talked, but they couldn't be heard behind the wood and glass encasing Voight's desk. You hummed and moved over to Jay's desk. "Need another hand?"

Jay hummed. "No, I think we've got it." Kim moved past the two of you to hit the restroom, leaving you and Jay and Hailey in the bullpen alone. "You okay?" Jay asked softly. "Listen, I know with this morning and everything, and I don't know what Ruzek did but-"

"It's fine," you cut him off with a soft sigh. You hadn't wanted conversation, you'd wanted work.

"It doesn't seem fine," Jay protested, putting a gentle hand on yours. "And about this morning-"

"You wouldn't understand," you mumbled, pulling your hand away. You didn't want to talk about the morning or about Adam. You just wanted to distract yourself.

Jay thought for a moment, ready to protest before realization washed over his face. "Oh... Did Adam say something about your body?"

"No, no, he..." You sighed. "It's fine. It's all fine, Jay."

"He was talking about some new diet fads or something," Hailey chimed in softly, meeting Jay's eyes and giving him a look.

Jay nodded to Hailey, then looked back to you. "You sure you don't want to talk about it?"

You shook your head and went back to your desk, trying to work on your therapy techniques again, then left your desk to go to the locker room without a word.

-

"(Y/N)," Jay said softly, a soft hand placed on your cheek. He ran his thumb over your cheekbone, which was fairly prominent. You pulled away slightly.

"S-Stop, you'll ruin my makeup."

"You don't need the makeup or the diet. You are beautiful."

"You'll never understand, Jay. Society just doesn't treat men the same way." You sighed wiping the tears from your eyes as you pulled on the pants. You'd been trying to get into the size 0 pants for as long as you could remember, and it was frustrating you that you couldn't get them completely on or buttoned.

"This isn't healthy for you, (Y/N). You don't need to be a size 0 to earn my love."

You let out a scream of frustration when you couldn't pull the pants up all the way. "Fuck! I'm just not losing enough weight!"

"(Y/N), please, please listen to me," Jay begged, walking over and prying your hands off the jeans. "This isn't healthy. You're not healthy. Please, stop trying to be like this. I love you, and I always will no matter what. You could be a size 100 and I would still love you."

You clung to the jeans like they were your life force, but when Jay finally got your hands off them, you hit his chest, then clung to him, sinking into his arms and to the ground. He knelt with you, holding you tightly to his chest, stroking your hair and rocking you slowly.

"I hate myself..." you mumbled. "I hate my body... I'm not skinny enough..."

"That's not true," Jay whispered in reply. "Your body doesn't define who you are... Running ten miles a day and starving yourself isn't healthy. If you don't stop, you won't have a body to hate, and I won't have anyone to give my love to."

You sobbed into his shoulder, still clenching fistfulls of his shirt. Finally, he coaxed you out of the state you were in, took the pants off you, and helped you into some sweatpants that were a size 4, which were big on you at that point. He picked you up with concerning ease and took you to the living room, settling you down and kissing your face. A bit later, he brought in some food he'd made, some chicken and gravy and biscuts with vegetables mixed in. Then, he sat beside you and handed you a small plateful. As much as he wanted to give you a normal or even large portion, he knew it wouldn't be right. He knew you had to start small. "Here," he said softly. 
"You don't have to eat all of it, but can you please at least eat a few bites?"

You sighed, but nodded. Jay had been so gentle with you and never really frustrated. He hadn't seen how bad it was until you'd started dating a few weeks back. It hurt him to see you like this, you could see it in his eyes, but you didn't know any different. High school had ruined you, and you'd been spiraling out of control since then. You took a bite of the delicious food Jay had made. You had to force yourself to do it, but the smile that came to his face when you did was more than enough to get you to take another. You loved him, truly, and wanted to get better, for him.

-

You sighed as you sat in the locker room, trying to keep yourself from crying too loudly. It had gotten to you. You now wore a size 8, and were in a generally healthy state. Sometimes you'd forget to eat or skip meals because you were working, but Jay always made sure to catch you if that happened.

You were terrified now, because the fight that morning had really hurt you and then you'd taken it out on Adam. It wasn't his fault, but he had triggered a fight or flight within you. You swallowed hard and tried to breathe, feeling a panic attack coming on. You moved to the wall shakily and sat down, just in case you passed out. You tried to control your breathing, breaking out into sobs.

-

"(Y/N), it's been forever since we had a night out. Come on, let me take you out to a fancy restaurant or something."

"Jay, I hate fancy restaurants." You rolled your eyes with a small huff. "What's wrong with having a night in?"

"We just go to work and come home. We never go out together."

"We go to Molly's all the time. More than I'd like to. I'm practically an alcoholic because of you, and it makes me gain more weight." You huffed and turned from the counter to look at him. "I never drank before I met you. Now we're there like every other night. Sometimes more."

"Well, yeah, because we never go anywhere or do anything. I can't be cooped up all the time."

You shrugged. "Then go out and do things. I don't see the problem."

"The problem is I'm not doing them with you. I want to do things with you, (Y/N)."

“And you know I hate going out. People look at me funny.”

“No they don’t!” Jay raised his voice at you. “And even if they were, you know I’m here for you! I’d never let anyone get away with hurting you!”

“Jay!” You yelled, huffing again. “I’m too fat to ever look good going out! I don’t want to go to some fancy restaurant and wear a dress! My makeup never looks right and I look dumb!” You slammed down the plate with your toast on it, shaking your head. “Forget this! I can't eat breakfast in peace even if I wanted to!” You grabbed your jacket, badge and keys, leaving from Jay’s apartment, despite his protests and apologies. You ignored him, then left for the district, the only other place you felt safe outside of your own apartment.

-

You tried to breathe deeply, but it was so hard. Between your fight with Jay and the ordeal with Adam, you just wanted to shrink into a ball and disappear. You sobbed, trying to keep yourself quiet as you spiraled into your own mind and thoughts.

Suddenly, there was a hand gripping your arm. "Breathe, breathe, (Y/N)," came a familiar woman's voice. You looked up, seeing Hailey through your tears. "Breathe in, as deep as you can. Come on, I've got you."

You breathed in as deeply as possible, but it wasn't deep enough. You breathed out, but back in fairly quickly, trying to catch that deep breath you desparately needed.

"Good, good," Hailey cooed. "Good, (Y/N), breathe."

With Hailey's help, you calmed down within a few minutes. You were able to breathe again, although your head was spinning. You looked up at Hailey, who simply held you by the shoulders now. You sniffled and nodded to her. "Thanks..." you mumbled.

"(Y/N), I've never seen you like this. What's going on? What happened this morning?"

You swallowed hard, getting up with her help and steadying yourself. You sighed, shaking your head. "Jay and I... We're just different. I don't like to be around people, you know? Not in public or at fancy places. I just want to be with him or my friends, like you. People I know won't judge me..." You shrugged.

"Judge you for what?"

Tears came back to your eyes as you wrapped your arms around yourself. "For... For my body..." you mumbled.

"What do you mean, (Y/N)? None of us would judge you based on how you look."

"I-I was really bad for a while... Before I met Jay, and before he helped me get into intelligence... Before I met you..." You sighed shakily, looking to Hailey. "I just... I had a really bad disorder..."

Hailey seemed to understand a bit, nodding. "We would never think of you as anything less than what you are: smart, confident, beautiful. I know Jay feels that way, and so does everyone else in the unit."

"It's all fake," you mumbled.

"Fake it until you make it," Hailey replied with a hike of her shoulders. "Maybe you can compromise with Jay on this. He wants to go out, you want to stay in, maybe there's some kind of middle ground."

"Like what?"

She hummed, thinking for a moment before nodding. "I'll tell Jay what I'm thinking, and you give it a chance, okay?"

You looked to Hailey, skeptical of whatever it was, but nodded. "Alright..."

"And about Adam?"

You sighed. "I was... I was stressed from this morning with Jay and on top of that, he was talking about diet culture and... Those were the types of articles I read about in tabloids in high school... You know, the fads? I didn't... I couldn't listen to that. After this morning, I-I just wanted to leave and be safe, and then I felt attacked again, like temptation to go back to that place... I don't know... It just hit somewhere too close to my soul." You sighed. "I'll apologize when I see him next, I-I just couldn't take his constant talking this morning."

"Hey, we all have a hard time tolerating him on a regular basis, let alone with you going through something like this. You don't have to apologize; you were only defending yourself."

You shrugged again. "I was still mean. I'll apologize and just tell him it bothers me."

"Okay," Hailey said with a small nod. "Alright. Do you need another minute?"

"No, I'm good." You stood, wiping your face and then taking a deep breath.

.

Adam and Kevin came back in after lunchtime. You hadn't moved from your desk for lunch but, like most days, Jay had left with Hailey to get lunch and come back with a to-go container with a small meal in it. Jay walked in and set it on your desk, then leaned down and gave you a small kiss to your temple before returning to his desk without a word. You nodded a small thanks as you looked up at him, then your eyes returned to your paperwork. You typically did this, either ate in the office or not at all. You used to leave the office to eat in your car, but as you gained relationship with the team, you became more comfortable eating lunch around them.

After Jay came in and everything was settled, everyone went back to their respective "busy work," seeing as there just wasn't a case to handle that day. Even Sergeant Voight looked bored, eyes glazed over as he stared at the computer in his office.

You looked up to Adam, waiting for the right time. He looked up and caught your eyes, you silently nodding to him and getting up, moving toward the interrogation rooms. As you moved into the viewing room, Adam was on your heels. "Hey, look, (Y/N), what happened this morning-"

You shushed him, shaking your head with a soft sigh. "I wanted to apologize. I was very rude toward you. It's just that... Things... Things like that bother me. Stuff about eating and diet culture and that kind of stuff... I just don't like it, okay?"

Adam's eyes softened a little as he looked at you. "(Y/N), I'm sorry, I had no idea."

"I was taking my anger out on you this morning, and it wasn't right, and I am very sorry, Adam. Look, you're a good guy and I shouldn't have been so rude to you, no matter what I felt."

Adam nodded and put a soft hand on your shoulder. "I'm sorry too, I didn't realize it was making you upset. I need to do better with that stuff. I shouldn't have been talking about it, and I won't again. I understand now that it's a touchy subject for you. I didn't mean to upset you. Again, I'm sorry."

You nodded and offered a small smile. "I'm glad it's all okay now."

"Me too." He pulled you into a short embrace, squeezing you softly. "And hey, for what it's worth, you look nice today."

You laughed, snorting a little at his remark. "Is that all, Ruzek?" You punched his shoulder. "Get out of here."

He chuckled and put his hands up, walking backwards and out the door, back toward the bullpen. You took the chance to use the bathroom before going back as well, sitting at your desk and finishing up your tasks while eating your lunch.

-

When the day came to a close, you stood and grabbed your jacket, looking to Jay as he approached your desk. "Hey," he said softly, low enough that the others wouldn't be able to hear. "Let's get out of here. We'll make a stop at your place, then I want to take you somewhere."

You sighed a little at the thought, glancing to Hailey who smiled and nodded at you, then looking back to Jay. His puppy-dog eyes pleaded you to say yes. You finally nodded. "Alright. You can follow me home. I'll just park and change, then I'll be back out to meet you."

"Perfect, I'll stop at my place on the way to grab a few things and meet you there." Jay smiled softly, glad you'd agreed to it.

.

When you got into Jay's truck outside your house, you hummed. "So, what is Hailey's crazy plan this time?"

Jay smiled and shook his head. "It's a surprise. I can't tell you yet."

You looked to him. "You're not taking me anywhere fancy, are you? Cause I dressed in sweats for a reason."

He laughed, looking over at you and grabbing your hand. "I would take you anywhere in sweats. You're beautiful no matter what."

You couldn't help but smile, bringing his hand up to your mouth and kissing his knuckles. Despite your disagreements, you loved Jay with your whole heart. No argument, despite how much it affected you, would ever change the love you held for him. He pulled your hand toward him as he drove, reciprocating the kiss to your knuckles. You smiled again, moving across the center console to lean against him. You just wanted to be close to him, and you hoped wherever he was taking you would allow you to do that.

You rode beside Jay in gentle silence for a while as he finally turned into a fast food place. You furrowed your eyebrows, sitting up in your seat and looking up at him. "A fast food place?"

"This isn't our final stop, just stay here a second." He got out of the truck, leaving you inside. Truthfully, you were fine with being in the truck as opposed to inside the store, but you missed Jay's warmth sitting beside you. In his place, you turned on the heater and let the vents circulate hot air into the car. You hummed at the warmth, closing your eyes and leaning your head back. Jay came back about ten minutes later, a bag in hand. He set it in the back set before getting in and kissing your cheek. "Alright, ready?"

"Yeah," you replied, still soaking in the heat. Jay rolled down his window, allowing you to keep the heat on while he stayed a bit cooler. You didn't mind, as it also circulated in some fresh air. It was nearly fall, so the nights were getting cooler, but not cold yet.

Some time later, you noticed Jay had taken you to the outskirts of the city. He parked his truck at a local park, away from the hustle and bustle. You furrowed your brow as he turned off the truck, the heat leaving you. You looked to him for an explanation, but he didn't say anything. He simply smiled as he got out, moving to your side to help you out (which you didn't need, but it wasn't unwelcomed). He then helped you up onto the bed of the truck, following. He had a goofy grin on his face as he laid out several pillows and blankets, enough for the both of you to be comfortable and warm. Then, he grabbed the food from the cab and laid it out, helping you to sit down. "Ta-da," he said with a small grin.

You couldn't help but smile at his smile, shaking your head. "A truck bed dinner and cuddling?"

"This way, we're alone and can eat and lay here in peace, together, but we're also not at home."

You hummed. "Hailey is a genius."

He laughed and nodded. "Yeah, she's pretty great for coming up with this one. And best part is, we can go anywhere, so I'll never get tired of being in the same place, but you'll always be comfortable."

You smiled again, this time wider. "Yeah, this is perfect."

"I'm glad you think so." He motioned to dinner. "Now eat, and then we can lay back and watch the stars."

You scooched over to be closer to him, leaning into his side as you ate, humming. "It's perfect, Jay."

He rubbed your back, kissing the top of your head. "Anything for you, beautiful."

[electraslight]

people often complain about how Ben seems to have gotten weaker and clumsier from uaf to omniverse, and I get that's an annoying writing decision, but id like to posit a theory.

Ben used to be an athlete, a star one at that, and he used to be a pretty physically fit and healthy guy, visibly being muscular while still having a smaller build. in omniverse, it seems all that muscle is pretty much gone, as he seems to have trouble carrying things, being balanced, and even doing routine workouts that he supposedly regularly did when he was younger. he's even kind of shrunk.

but the thing is: this is proven to extend to his aliens too.

back when Ben was physically fit, wildvine's entire power set was based on grip and strength, using his vines to swing on things or bring enemies or objects closer to him, which required strength.and now he just can't. just like Ben.

which kind of brings us to the question of why Ben is deteriorating in this fashion? he still leads a very active lifestyle, doesn't seem to have any diseases. why's he going so downhill? (the answer to this question writing wise is a different thing, I am trying to rationalize the world he lives in instead of the world the writers do). the answer probably lies in food. in ogs and uaf, Ben had a pretty diverse diet, at least by kid standards. he ate a lot of junk in ogs, but that's just because what else are you gonna eat on a road trip, and as previously stated, af/uaf Ben is an athlete, who seems to actually like a lot of vegetables, eats dinner with his family, only has fast food on patrol. around the time Gwen and Kevin left, though, things changed.

Ben has kind of an obsession with smoothies in omniverse. they're usually the only thing he's seen consuming besides the occasional chili fries, he thinks about them all the time, the comtumellia literally take the form of them. which, yes, flanderization, haha aketchi pancake think blah blah blah, but the thing is, that flanderization kind of recharacterizes his degredation.

Ben had to drop out in uaf, so now his full time job is working for the plumbers, in am environment where everyone expects him to be an ubermensch who never shows a single flaw, and when he messes up in a normal way, he's the stupidest motherfucker alive, even though he's got more experience than anyone combined. plus, he's got to go on patrol all day long, fight a universe ending threat, and then conk out at 3 and wake up at 5 to do it all again. no family dinners, no time to cram an apple in his bag for later, and the only quick easy and cheap thing for him is smoothies. junk food. quick energy boosts. and it seems like he can't stop thinking about them (although I acknowledge what a copout that was lol), can't stop thinking about food. and consuming only liquid processed baby food for all your meals and getting zero hours of sleep isn't good for your body, and the aliens you inhabit are reflections of your person, so you degrade,they degrade, making b grade villains a slog and lifting over 30 pounds even more of one.

not particularly going in an eating disorder direction with this? still tagged it that though just in case. just wanted to share something I don't rlly see people try to come up w an in universe explanation for. I'm personally leaning more toward an ARFID angle, but I'd be interested to see other's takes

[joels-shitty-puns]

The Key To Your Heart - Track 4

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x Musician!Reader

Gif by:@sh214

Series Summary: After writing your feelings for Pedro into a song, it gains a lot more popularity than expected. Ultimately it brings both criticism and support, with new possibilities around the corner.

*! New warnings will be listed first !*

Series Warnings: 18+ only (MDNI). Mentions of food, weight loss, weight gain, dieting, weighing, potential eating disorder, food guilt. Potential for puns/dad jokes (name of my blog, and the fic) should give that away. This is my first fic which should be its own warning, lol. Also some cursing. Mentions of masturbation (f) maybe more smut later idk. Sadness, reader is pretty depressed. Poor body image. Rude people. Bullying-ish and just lack of support? Anxiety. Age gap! Reader is in her mid 20's, Pedro is current age (48).

Other stuff: Reader is plus sized. AFAB. Inexperienced. Also has a dog, but you can pretend it is another creature probably. Further, in case it isn't clear, italics almost always are the reader's inner thoughts!

Word Count: ~2.3K

Series List: Here!

Miss last chapter? Here!

Hi there! To those of you who have read and are still with me, THANK YOU! I love you all. I'm sorry that my chapters are taking longer and longer. Work has been a bit more hectic lately and I also just had some serious writer's block with this chapter. That being said, it feels a little rough and I apologize if its awful lol. But either way, thanks for hanging in there with me and please let me know what you think! Your comments make me happy!

__________

You groaned, stepping out of bed and drifting towards the bathroom. Your face was sticky and your eyes stung from crying late into the night. It was silly, naive, and frankly stupid… but sometimes you can't control how hard emotions hit. Seeing that Pedro didn't actually watch your video was a let down - to put it mildly. Obviously he's a popular guy. A star. He has better things to do.

You should be grateful he even responded to your Instagram message before. Even though it hurts, surely he has more interesting things to do than message someone like you. Just because you wrote a song and he said he liked it doesn't mean he owes you anything more.

So after a fitful night's sleep, you were utterly exhausted; physically, mentally, and emotionally. Luckily, it was still your weekend and you could rest today. 

More like spend the day wallowing in your self pity… you think, disdainfully at yourself.

Looking in the mirror, you notice your puffy eyes. There's some new acne, and a mop of frizzy hair on your head. After using the toilet, you step on your bathroom scale before your shower; a morning routine you started during years of dieting. Another 3 pounds. Up again?!

You look in the mirror, pinching your stomach with a sigh. I guess I shouldn't have had those cookies yesterday…

The food guilt creeps up as you think of the goodies you've eaten recently. Cookies yesterday, fast food the day before. You were bitter that you weren't one of those people that could just magically eat whatever they wanted without gaining an ounce. 

But you aren't, and you should know better. 

Frustrated with your appearance, you begin your usual internal debate about how to fix it.

Maybe I should go back on the diet…

But the diet caused you so many problems. Remember the stomach issues? The hunger? The lack of joy? Binge eating on cheat days until you were sick?

But! I lost so much weight!

Yeah, until you started gaining weight…

Maybe I didn't cut enough. People said I looked so good. I was *almost* skinny.

Maybe people would like me more if I was skinny… Maybe Pedro would like me if I were skinny. There's no way he would be with me looking like this.

These were the debates that plagued you for months… years… a lifetime.

You showered, tears beginning to flow again as you tried to push out the thoughts. He was probably just busy, but either way you knew you didn't have a chance. 

Your friends were right. You were an obsessed fan. It was… concerning, as they said. They pitied you when you felt sad about your feelings. Just find someone you actually have a chance with, they pushed. Someone real.

But... he did message you. Maybe he didn't even know you had an interview yesterday? Maybe he watched it later. You were being utterly ridiculous. It didn't matter anyway.

But what you didn't know was that Pedro felt just as disappointed. He wanted to be the one on your list. The one you loved. He went to bed just as mopey as you did and woke up just the same.

_____

Having washed away your bad feelings as best as you could, you gave Skipper a kiss on his little forehead and made some coffee while scrolling Instagram. You were nervous to see what people had to say about your interview, but you had to face the music eventually.

As you could have predicted, people were running through the potential suspects (or prospects, that is) who have brown curly hair and brown eyes. Some supported you and loved your interview. Others criticized you for being too chicken to show yourself. 

You weren't used to this level of attention, and you really weren't sure you enjoyed it. But you were grateful to have your two lives kept separate, your true persona still shaded in privacy.

What you did not predict, was a notification popping up from Pedro, interrupting your scrolling. Forgetting to breathe, you immediately clicked on it. If the message were food from the oven, you would've burnt your hand the way you grabbed it so fast. 

Perhaps I should've been a little more chill about opening this so quickly... Oh well.

Pedro Pascal messaged you: "Hey! I watched your interview yesterday. You did fantastic. I know fame is new to you and you're nervous, but you're a natural."

Your heart swelled. He did watch it!! He must have just been busy during the live stream.

You replied: "Pedro! You watched it!?! Thank you so much. That really means a lot to me."

Pedro read your message immediately, but instead of sharing in your level of excitement, he was hit with a wave of confusion instead. She must just be trying to not hurt my feelings. She already knows I watched it.. unless she didn't even notice my name. Or she didn't care enough to look for it…?

He decided to play along with it anyway. "Absolutely, I did. I've had it marked on my calendar since the day it was announced a couple days ago and watched it as it was streamed live."

His response took you by surprise, and then made you angry. If he really watched it, he would know that they gave you a list of the people who watched it live. Why was he lying to you about it?

You started to plan out your response, maybe even send an accusatory comeback, but then you thought about it again.

Why would he lie about it? What would he gain by lying? He messaged you.

With this in mind, you instead chose to take a different approach. One better designed for fishing. One you had to be very careful about, so as not to reveal the fact that you looked for his name.

"Wait!? You watched it live? I didn't see you on the list. You're one of the few people I've spoken to who actually seem genuinely friendly and interested in having a conversation with me. I had sort of hoped you were listening."

There. That doesn't sound too revealing, right? Totally friendly…

Pedro opened your message and was met with both confusion, and something else he wasn't expecting. Hope. Did you look for his name??

Still, he wanted to address the confusion. "You didn't see me on the list? That's odd.. but I'm sure there were a lot of names to scan through. Maybe my name was just buried in that list."

You knew it wasn't buried. He was the only name you looked for. The only name you cared about seeing on that list, not that you'd admit that to him right now. But you also didn't want him to feel that insignificant either.

"There were a lot of names, I'll give you that. But I swear you weren't there. Were you logged into your account? Maybe your Internet crashed, or you missed part of it?"

Instantly he remembered the ten or so minutes that Oscar interrupted him. 

Oscar!

"Oh shit! That's it. Oscar barged into my house while I was watching it and I slammed my laptop closed."

"Oscar… Isaac? Wait, why did you slam your laptop closed?"

"Yeah, that's the one. And… I don't know. He just surprised me, I guess. It wasn't a planned visit."

Slamming your laptop closed is an odd reaction to your friend visiting, but okay, you thought.

"So you closed your laptop, and missed a few minutes. And that must have been the moment they pulled the list of viewers."

Pedro replied. "It must have. But I was there, more than happy to listen to what you had to say"

If my name had been on the list, would her answer have been different? When asked whether the man she loved was on the list and she said no, would my name have changed anything? Pedro wanted to ask you these questions. But he couldn't. Not only was he scared, but he also didn't want it to come off as some douchey comment that made you uncomfortable. He wanted to get to know you better, even if just as a friend, and he wouldn't let a silly little crush ruin that.

You sent a response that could be deemed as friendly or neutral, still cautious. "Thank you Pedro. I'm really glad you watched it."

He replied without hesitancy. "Of course. But, I am sorry that your guy wasn't on that list."

He sounds genuine. Not like he's fishing for information like everyone else on the internet. In turn, you decide to be playful with your response. Risky, but still not too revealing. "It's okay. It turns out that list wasn't as accurate as I once thought it was" you typed with a smirk.

"So maybe he was watching after all," Pedro answered.

"Maybe he was."

Pedro soon changed the subject, "I did enjoy hearing about your favorite things, though. You may know this already, but I love movies. Some of the ones you mentioned are a couple of my favorites as well. But as for your favorite books, I haven't read them, but I've been meaning to find a new book to read."

The fact that he was a reader made your heart flutter; the thought of him sitting with a book, his glasses perched on his nose, brow furrowed as he stroked his thumb over his lip in deep concentration. You were overjoyed at the thought of him reading *your* favorite book and potentially having someone to talk to about it. Before you knew it, you had frantically sent multiple excited messages.

You: "Oh! If you read any of my favorite books we HAVE to talk about them!"

Second message: "AGH the first book I mentioned is my favorite, out of all of them. The ending blew my mind. And the characters were just so amazing! Well except for that one guy.. but I won't spoil that…"

Third message: "But my favorite character has the greatest lines!!! Sometimes I like to quote it but nobody else gets it. And the way the author describes the settings is so magical, it makes you want to be there."

Pedro caught himself smiling at his phone, wrapped up in your excitement, as you were finally able to talk to someone about your favorite book. It was adorable how happy you seemed.

He started to type a reply when you sent another message. "Shoot… I'm sorry. I got a little too carried away…"

"Who told you that?"

Huh?

"Who told me what?" You asked.

"Who made you feel like you had to stop talking when you became excited about your interests?"

His question took you aback, but your mind struggled to pinpoint the answer to it. There's been so many people that have told you that over the years. People you assumed were friends. An old crush who didn't like multiple text messages at once. Classmates who would complain or make fun. It was routine.

"Oh. It's not a big deal. It's just something I've heard over the years. But I also know how I get and I don't want to be too much. I'm sorry. I don't want to monopolize the conversation too much either. But hey, you didn't mention, what are your favorite books?" You tried to change the topic.

Pedro felt that protective feeling bubble up in his chest again.

"Over the years!? There have been multiple occasions?" Pedro shook his head, even though you couldn't see through the text. "I'm sorry anyone ever made you feel that way or said anything to imply that your interests weren't worthy of being heard. Fuck them. They should be thankful that you shared your interests."

They should be grateful to hear your beautiful voice get so excited. To get to see your excitement and smile, Pedro thought to himself angrily. He hoped he could someday witness you getting excited over your interests in person too.

"Thank you Pedro. But really, it's okay. I know I get a little… obsessive and crazy, especially with sending multiple texts, so I don't blame them. Haha. :)" you tried to soften the mood.

"I don't want you to ever feel that way with me. I liked hearing you talk about your interests."

You began to type, but Pedro beat you to the punch.

"In fact… if you'd like to talk more," he gave you his phone number. "Feel free to text me, or you can call me too. I like talking on the phone, but I know not everyone does."

Holy shit. Is this real life? Did Pedro Pascal just give me his phone number? And ask me to call him?

Truthfully, your introverted self really didn't like talking on the phone. But the idea of talking to Pedro, hearing his voice on the other end of your phone was too much to handle.

What you didn't realize, was that Pedro wanted it just as bad.

Your fingers danced over your phone keyboard, trying to find the right words for a reply. What do you say when the love of your life (that you didn't think you would ever have a chance with) gives you his phone number?

Pedro watched anxiously as the three dot-dot-dots of typing appeared and disappeared over and over. His heart was racing, and he began to worry he may have overstepped this time. 

Why did you give her your number? She's going to think you like her!!! 

But you do like her, you idiot, Pedro berated himself.

He ran his hand down his face, waiting for your response in agonizing suspense. But instead of hearing the pop of a notification, his phone began to ring instead, an unknown number displayed on the home screen.

Wait… is that her? Is she CALLING me?!

He answered frantically, practically dropping his phone in the process. 

"Hello?"

"Hello? Pedro? It's me.."

You heard him give a breathless laugh before answering with a gentle "Hi."

_____

Thank you for reading!! Let me know your thoughts :) More will be coming soon. I know this is a painfully slow burn lol. Thanks for being patient.

Next chapter! Here

_____

Taglist: (Want in? Let me know!)

@pedrotonin @starcrossed02 @lightupsketchersperson @cartoon-garbage04 @tyferbebe @maryfanson @gwendibley84 @faithfullyyours2000 @brilliantopposite187 @hc-geralt-23 @jenniferpendragon

[chromations]

The one story that scares me the most away from substance use is Jimmy Page. It's not an easy topic to go by, yet I'm still hesitant to post this.

Finding out the pure severity of Jimmy's health between '75-'83, mainly talking about 1977. This whole topic makes me so sad, but I always keep looking.

More under cut, it's a long post unpacking that year. Feel free to add.

We all know he did heroin, starting in 1975, and that he's always been skinny and underweight. But it started amping up in '76, taking more with a noticeable weight loss.

That man was practically on the brink of death from 1977. Between constant shows, rarely eating save for a liquid diet, rarely sleeping, and his addictions... it's scary. He had a weight goal that'd been just about reached: between 125-130 Ibs at 5'11½". (And while an inaccurate measurement of health for those heavier, this falls into 17 on the BMI chart: severely underweight) He dropped a few waist sizes (men's 29 in '75, down to men's 26) and had refused to talk to Peter Clifton after he'd included wide shots of Jimmy in TSRTS and a single roll of his stomach, as it made his ass "too wide." The black dragon pants didn't fit anymore, and fell off during a show. You can see him in the black dragon suit plus a belt during the Oakland photos. Note that these pants had completely fit him without need of a belt two years prior. He ended up at around a men's 26 waist. He'd stopped eating completely for a few days in a row during some tours.

Safe to say, Jimmy was extremely weight conscious. I think he met the criteria for an eating disorder diagnosis, as well.

There's accounts of him having stage fright and anxiety. He'd show up to '77 tour shows completely exhausted, nodding off constantly. Peter Grant had ended up slapping him awake and giving him coke just so he wouldn't pass out.

Then, there's the Chicago '77 show. Jimmy, sick on stage. His eyes are bloodshot, he's had nothing but orange juice in the past 60 hours, along with no sleep in that time frame. Sick from smack and coke, along with all of the previous factors of being an anxious wreck. It's a wonder he got through the first 7 songs before having to sit down during Ten Years Gone, calling for a 5 minute break, and then canceling the show. He couldn't go on that night, just nearly crumpling to sit. This is the story that scared me the most.

Linked below, the show is recorded up until Robert announces the show is canceled.

https://youtu.be/YVCiBd1oodU?feature=shared

I remember reading this account from Dave Northover (Jones' personal assistant):

This is what shattered my heart, initially reading it. How harshly drugs shattered Jimmy's brain, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. There's also a quote from Jimmy in an interview from the year: "I'm not into solid foods very much. I can't remember when I last had a steak. A few tours ago. It's just that you don't want too much in your stomach when you're playing. And there are some places you can't eat after you come back from the gig." He then notes that the banana daiquiris that he'd been consuming all the time are the answer to any problems, "having that every day and nothing to eat at all."

Additionally, In that interview, Jimmy says that earlier on in Zeppelin, Jimmy "had really been eating" and that he'd tried on the clothes from when he was in school, only for it to be very loose. It worries me more to remember that Jimmy stopped school at the age of 16 and had always been underweight. High metabolism, illness prone, and bouts of glandular fever during his time with The Crusaders (still was a teenager), not improved one bit by his undereating.

It's hurtful to hear how, more often than not, the media will praise a celebrity for their skinny figure, even if they're extremely unhealthy with it. Jimmy Page is no exception, as people praised him for his figure during his age.

Heroin is no joke, and I wouldn't wish the addiction it so easily presents to anyone. Withdrawals and smack sickness is scary to even witness, completely altering the person it grips. People often note how jimmy was an asshole, especially in the late 70s, but when dealing with a heroin addiction, with what is basically an eating disorder, high anxiety, with the goal of living your music, the goal of pleasing the crowd, getting the job done, and most of all, surviving, the way you act isn't at the front of your mind. I'm sure Page was aware he was an asshole, but with what he was dealing with, it's not important. Instant gratification, reward, matters more. Not dying matters more. Getting the next hit matters more. His image mattered more.

No matter how much of an asshole he was, and some of the reprehensible things he'd committed earlier on, I wouldn't wish this upon anyone. You see the light leave his eyes as the years went on, you know that while he recovered, those were the darkest years of his life that we know, and there's a reason he'd rarely talk about it: Who would want to?

I've heard multiple people say that if we hadn't lost Bonham in '80, then within those few years, we would've lost Page. It's a wonder he was able to still go on in the early 80s.

Even comparing photos of him in 73, 75, and 77, you go from a "safer" underweight, to his ribs completely visible.

I'm glad we still have him around. This whole topic is not easy to go by, and while most anti drug campaigns don't sway me much, it's the slow / fast decent into all of this that gives me such a strong reaction.

I don't appreciate seeing the way it's so casually joked about amongst the online zeppelin areas. People do take it seriously, but there's always the insensitive ones.

(Adding on, since I accidentally posted this as a draft)

Many people blame page for the effects of his addiction: Sloppy guitar playing, distancing from the rest of the band, assholery behavior.

You can't fault an addict for falling addicted. You can fault them for starting it, maybe, and you can criticize them for all you want. Still, a heroin addiction isn't just as cigarettes. It's the easiest to fall addicted to, and one of the hardest to quit, especially when a physical dependency is grown. Withdrawal symptoms could start early, and extreme too. Most heroin addicts trying to quit will relapse within the first day or two, it's not easy as that.

Considering how unhelpful the help was at the time, quitting cold turkey at these points would probably worsen his condition for a while, considering how rail thin Jimmy had been. The people around him grew worried, grew mad, and I find myself wondering how he could still pick up the guitar and rail out the LA Forum 1977 show, producing banger shows through 77, yet the shoddiest shows as well.

There could be little done about treatment of eating disorders as well, due to medical knowledge and stigma around it. I'll sympathize with this part, having the experience of one: ED recovery on your own is rough. I don't know how jimmy got out of heroin and an ED, and I don't think the process of that should become business unless necessary.

If you find yourself falling into these vices, seek help. Nothing about this is normal: not the lifestyle, nor the pressures.

Jimmy's case will always haunt me. I'd wish this upon no one.

[danikamariewrites]

Could I request a Cassian x reader with an eating disorder hc? Totally understand if you’re not comfortable writing about ED’s though!

Helping with your ED

A/n: Hi Anton, thank you for requesting this. In the past I’ve kind of ignored ED requests (and i mean no harm by it). It’s because I wasn’t comfortable with it due to my own ED. I like to ignore it and think if I do it won’t exist to me, which is not the case at all. But I wanted to write this because writing fics like this is like therapy and I’m ok sharing this with you guys.

Warnings: EATING DISORDER if you are struggling with an ED and this is a triggering topic please do not read this headcanon. While this is mild and based off my experience the last thing I would want is for someone to be uncomfortable reading about this topic. If you are struggling know you are not alone and if you are comfortable I encourage you to reach out for help.

Your relationship with food has always been odd

It’s no ones fault, you’ve just been so on and off with food from a young age

You never thought you looked like the other girls your age. They always had flatter stomachs than you and seemed to be perfectly sculpted for fae standards

You’d go from eating healthy, back to the way you usually would, then you would have days where you would forget to eat

Like you genuinely forget to eat

For example you won’t eat until a task is done

There are days where work was just too much you couldn’t be bothered to eat

Other times you just feel bad about your body so your punishment is to not eat (THIS IS VERY UNHEALTHY DO NOT DO THIS)

None of this goes unnoticed by Cassian

He is all about a healthy balanced diet

Cassian is very gentle about his approach with food for you

You two have a long conversation about eating but you still struggle with seeing the way you eat as unhealthy

Cassian does everything in his power to help you

He consults Madja and reads what books are available on the subject in the library

Cass’s main goal starting out is helping you to remember to eat

You two meal prep together and he shows you what you should be eating. Cassian doesn’t want to overwhelm you and make you eat too much that you can’t eat at all

Cassian tries to get you on a schedule

It’s easy to stay on a schedule when Cassian is home because he eats with you

The only time you miss the “schedule” he set for you is when he goes away

When you realize that you’ve skipped meals you don’t get upset with yourself, you’re just exhausted

You hate this mentality that you’ve developed

As time goes on you find yourself eating more and more

Three meals and you’re ok with having sweet snacks to treat yourself in between

Cassian never sees you as a burden, he just wants you to feel comfortable in your body again

Even though things like this take time to heal you’re glad Cassian is here to hold your hand every step of the way

[klausysworld]

Heyy I love your work I was wondering if you could do a klaus one we’re the reader is a bit chubby and all of a sudden she started wearing long sleeve and oversized stuff and nobody rlly noticed until they had a party or smth and she wears a dress and when they see here there all rlly shocked cause they didn’t notice how she a lot or weight in like a span of 2-4 weeks and she hasn’t eaten for like 2 days before the party

This one-shot will contain triggering content around eating disorders including both anorexia and bulimia. Please don’t read this is you feel it may upset you or harm you mental health. I’ve had personal issues around this area and know it can be hard. Don’t hesitate to reach out 🤍

Too much or Not enough?

Y/n had struggled with weight as a child, and as a teenager. As a result she had a difficult relationship with food and clothes.

She was naturally a little curvier, but what some people saw as gorgeous another saw as an opportunity to poke fun. And so she grew up hating herself and those around her who would highlight her insecurities.

As she grew out of adolescence and into adulthood she lost a little weight. She went to the gym excessively and ate barely anything. It was unhealthy but in her eyes it was her best option.

She still had her curves but they were complimented more than they were judged but even when people said ‘good’ things about her body, she just saw it at mocking. She would have kept losing the weight but she ended up passing out at the gym and having the paramedics called. They told her she needed to keep a balanced diet and take care of herself and as much as she didn’t want to, the fear of being that embarrassed again haunted her.

So she ate some what regularly for a while but ended up with two fingers down her throat to get it all back out.

She would have carried on that way if it weren’t for the Mikaelsons.

She had ended up being wrapped into the supernatural world and suddenly there were so many other problems in her life that food was almost forgotten.

Between a temperamental pregnant Hayley, overly dramatic Rebekah, pissed off Elijah, furious Marcel, war raging Klaus, power-hungry witches, territorial werewolves and bloodthirsty vampires, Y/n didn’t have much time to focus on herself. Especially not after Hope was born.

The stress seemed to make her hungrier, she would go days without any food and then eating as much as she could to ‘keep herself going’.

She didn’t really realise she had put her weight back on, she assumed running around after everyone would have been enough exercise.

And when Klaus had shown interest in her, when he had kissed her and laid her heart out on his sleeve well she assumed she must have looked good. Someone like him wouldn’t go for who she used to be, right?

And so she gained a small amount of confidence until the supernatural communities began to calm down and it seemed people were more attentive.

Y/n was able to go out more, whether it was with Hayley, Rebekah, Davina or just by herself. And that’s how it circled back.

One or two comments on her figure from men made her wear baggier clothes. An awkward moment with Hayley and Rebekah when the girls went shopping and Rebekah unintentionally made a quip on y/n’s size. Apparently a dress that looked good on Hayley wouldn’t be nice on ‘someone like Y/n’. She had brushed it off and told Rebekah it was fine when the blonde began apologising but inside it was anything but fine.

Even if she hadn’t had any malicious intent or meant it in any offence, it tore up old wounds and brought back something much deeper rooted.

And then when things started to kick off again and Klaus payed y/n less and less attention or affection, she assumed it was because she was no longer attractive to him. Had she gained that much?

So she did what she knew would work.

She forced herself to the gym as often as she could for as long as she could. Drank as much water that was available to her and ate the bare minimum to keep her conscious. Throw up anyway meal that she did happen to consume and have a packet of gum handy incase she got too hungry.

It was even easier to do once Hope was around more, Y/n was often asked to look after the baby while the rest of them took on the new foes and unexpected family members.

When Klaus, Elijah and Marcel had announced there would be a party to celebrate the defeat of a common enemy, Y/n began to worry. The last time she had to dress of for one of those things she was much bigger than she had thought. Looking back on pictures of that evening persuaded her to gag and cough up to the point where she was only throwing up water and blood form how she had torn her throat inside.

Even Hope could sense the change in Y/n’s behaviour when she looked after her. But nobody else did, everyone was too busy to realise.

Klaus had barely looked at her let alone touched her to realise that she had done down 2 clothing sizes and yet was wearing t-shirts triple the size they would need to be. None of the girls payed enough attention to see the bags under Y/n’s eyes or to notice her absence each morning when she would struggle on a treadmill for hours on end. Only Hope, someone who wasn’t even a year old, would give Y/n the hug she so desperately needed.

———————————————————————

It was the day do the party, Y/n stared aimlessly at the dress she had chosen the week before. If she were honest she planned on not going at all, nobody would notice anyway. But then Rebekah came in all bubbly demanding that she know what colours people were wearing she they didn’t clash in photos.

Photos.

Y/n learned to despise them. “The camera adds 10 pounds” she was told by her mother when she was young and it was something she reminded herself every time a flash went off.

So she needed to make sure she looked okay.

She scrubbed her skin raw in the shower, shaved every last hair from her legs before moisturising them and the rest of her body. She avoided any full body length mirrors and focused on her face, covering every flaw possible. Her hair was pulled to be half up half down, leaving pieces to frame her face and still give her enough volume.

She managed to get the dress on that was now a little loose on her, which she should have been worried about but she couldn’t help but feel relieved. The zip went up effortlessly but even so, she didn’t want to step outside of that door. So she stayed on the edge of her bed, her nails licking at the material of her dress as she hoped the night would pass by without her.

She had no such luck when Hayley came knocking on the door

“Y/n? Are you okay? The party started a while ago” she called through the wall and Y/n pinched her own skin desperately

“I don’t think I’m gonna come down…I’ll just keep an eye on Hope” she replied

“Hope’s dressed up and downstairs with Klaus at the moment, you don’t need to watch her, come have fun!” She told her brightly and Y/n could feel herself getting hotter as the nerves poured in

“Parties aren’t really my scene” she responded softly “maybe next time okay?” She tried again but Hayley was getting persistent

“Oh come on, there’s music, drinks, food. Have you eaten yet? Come on we’ll go get something” she encouraged but that only made it worse. Y/n had made sure not to eat anything the last 2 days so that there was zero chance of any bloating and she wasn’t about to ruin that.

“I ate earlier” she lied and Hayley sighed

“Try make an appearance? If not for me then for Rebekah or Klaus” she asked and Y/n could have scoffed. As if either of them had cared less that she was there.

Well so she assumed.

Unfortunately for her she was proven wrong again when the door hand was twisted and pulled, a frustrated groan coming from the other side of the door when they realised it was locked

“Y/n?” Klaus questioned “come out” he ordered and she had the sudden urged to suffocate herself with a pillow.

“I’m going to sleep” she mumbled, though she was still dolled up and sat against the headboard but it wasn’t like he could see her.

“We can fix that, open the door and I’ll grab you a dress” he told her and she pinched the bridge of her nose

“I already have a dress” she muttered in defeat, Klaus wouldn’t walk away as easily as Hayley.

“Perfect. Put it on.” He grumbled “Rebekah needs you in the photo” he added and she nodded, of course they needed to keep their image up.

“I don’t want to be in the photo anyway” she murmured and he groaned

“Just do it” he complained and she reluctantly stood up.

She plodded her way to look in the mirror and yet despite the makeup on her face, she just looked tired. It didn’t matter anymore though, she looked bad in pictures either way, may as-well know it this time.

Just as Klaus was reader to break the handle off the door, it was clicked open and Y/n was looking up at him through glassy eyes.

Klaus’s expression dropped almost instantly when he looked at her. The dress was loose around her body in all areas, her arms thinner than usual making him frown and reach a hand out to grab ahold of her wrist. His eyes locked on hers and his lips parted in shock.

She assumed he was thinking she looked awful, was the dress too small again? Was she too big? She could feel her face heating and her eyes filling with tears. Her breathing grew more laboured and her hands began to ping at the fabric around her to make it seem baggier.

Klaus quickly pulled her into his room so nobody could look up the stairs and see them. He stroked her hair gently as he wrapped his arms around her in an attempt to stop any tears from falling.

“Sweetheart” he whispered quietly, guilt beginning to rise in him. People didn’t loose this much weight this fast. He knew he had been distant the last month but that was to keep her safe not to make her sick, was she I’ll and not told anybody? Or was this something much more?

He feared for the last one as he rubbed her back soothingly while small sniffs lift her and panicked apologies flooded form her lips.

“Why are you sorry my love?” He murmured gently.

“I just wanted to be pretty” she uttered and his heart ached for her. “I tried really hard” she whispered “it wasn’t enough”

“Y/n…” he murmured as his arms held her a little tighter “you’re always pretty, you’re beautiful and bright” he told her “don’t change anything about yourself for anyone else ever”

“I did it for me too” she mumbled and he nodded hesitantly

“Yeah but…this isn’t the way” he whispered and she sniffed

“It’s the only way that works” she argued

“Love, what have you been eating?” He asks and she frowns

“Why does that matter?”

“Because there’s a difference between eating healthily and not eating enough” he told her and she began to grow more upset at his tone

“I eat too much” she utters and he sighs, he placed both hands on her shoulders and looks down at her

“Nobody thinks that” he whispered, his eyes locked on hers as though it would make her listen better. “Not eating at all is as bad as eating too much, we can find a good balance” he persuaded

“I’ve tried balanced diets, it doesn’t work” she shakes her head frustrated

“I’ll find you a better one” he decided and she lets out a laugh

“Why because I suddenly matter enough? If you only just realised that I’ve lost the weight when we live in the same home then Im clearly not worth-“

“Stop” he whispered, a crack in his tone “do not do this to me and do not do this to yourself” he let out a breath “I wouldn’t ever want this to happen to you, I care about you. I was just leaving you out of all the darkness and the pain, you weren’t supposed to bring it to yourself” he snapped. His eyes were hard though he didn’t mean to appear so angry as tears freely flowed down Y/n’s face and a sob let her lips.

At the sound of her cries, Klaus’s bedroom door was opened rather suddenly. A concerned Elijah stepped inside, his eyes falling to Y/n and his brows furrowing as he noticed his brother trying to apologise. Then he noticed the differences from the last few times he had seen her and he picked up on what was happening pretty quickly.

He closed the door behind him and came forward, coaxing Y/n out of Klaus’s arms and into his own.

“Would you like a smoothie my dear? We’ve stocked the kitchen with fruits recently” Elijah murmured softly, his chin on top her head as he glanced to an upset Niklaus. Y/n frowned in confusion at the offer and at the calming affect Elijah seemed to have over everyone. He wasn’t really the hugging type but it was nice to experience one. She didn’t reply but he kept talking “how about I go and get you a smoothie while Niklaus helps you out of this dress? I’m sure you can wear one of his shirts for bed hm?” He lifted her chin up to look down at her. She blinked at him unsure as he tried to convince her further “I’ll bring Hope up as well?” He offered and she nodded slowly.

Elijah gave a look to Klaus and both brothers began to move. Elijah rushed off downstairs and Klaus grabbed one of his henleys. Y/n kept her eyes on the ground as Klaus’s fingers gently undid the dress

“I’m sorry my love” he whispered as he let the material drop down to the floor making goosebumps arise across her skin. His lips pressed to her shoulder softly before the warmth of his top was pulled over her head and her arms were pulled into the sleeves. His arms slid round her waist gently and his nose buried into her hair.

She kept quiet, eyes down as he unclipped her curls and let it all fall loosely around her face. Soft kisses planted their way up her face as Elijah returned with a smoothie and a straw.

Both brothers guided her to sit up on Klaus’s bed before sitting either side of her. Gently she was pulled into Klaus’s lap and the straw was brought to her lips

“The cup is only half full, the rest of it is in the fridge for tomorrow if you should want more” Elijah tells her with a reassuring smile

Klaus brushed his hands along her sides gently as she reluctantly drank what she was given. Both brothers continued to speak of random topics to keep the attention off of her as she took small sips as slowly leant back against Klaus’s chest.

15 minutes later Hayley came by and dropped Hope off, both she and Elijah left, leaving Klaus, Y/n and Hope to snuggle up together with the silent promise that at least Klaus and Elijah and most likely the rest of the Mikaelsons would be helping Y/n find a happier,healthier state of mind and body.

(I hope this was what was wanted, I didn’t go too deep into the topic and still wanted it to have a relatively happier/promising ending. If a darker message or ending was wanted then I would be okay with trying to write something similar for anyone out there. I understand the struggles with eating disorders and also with self harm and just mental health in general so feel free to message or request, anything at all :))

[gavisuntiedboot]

Blue raspberry (Gavi x Reader)

28 day writing prompt challenge - prompts are here

Day 11: Late night McDonald's run

Warning: mentions/ alluding to eating disorders! Mentions of being scared to eat certain foods! If you're not comfortable please don't read!

"Pablo, I'm here, but they won't let me come into the parking lot because they don't recognize my car, so you're going to need to come up to."

"I'm walking up to you right now. Pull over to the side."

You moved your car from in front of the barrier to wait as close as possible on the side of the road. Despite the fact that it was 9:15pm, there were still about a dozen fans waiting to see the players emerge, hoping to get photos and autographs. You saw Gavi's hooded figure emerge, and he looked for your car. You flashed your lights to notify him where you were, but you notified the fans as well. They ran over and swarmed him, making it almost impossible to get to you. He took a few pictures and signed a few shirts before security intervened, separating him from his loyal supporters.

He got into your car and threw his backpack over his shoulder into the back seat, sighing and sinking into the seat. There was a path for you drive between the fans, and so you left Camp Nou and the flashes of iPhones behind you.

"Great. Now my Ford is going to be all over Twitter. People will want to get pictures with Gavi's chauffer. I'll never have a moment of peace."

He let out a tired laugh and pulled his hood down, finally relaxing as you hit the road.

"First of all, you already stick out for driving this obnoxiously American car in the middle of Spain. And second, why didn't you just tell security you were here to pick me up?"

"Gavi, can you imagine if security just let random girls in if they said they were there to see you? You would have been kidnapped a long time ago."

You rarely ever picked up Gavi. Your relationship was still relatively new, and he didn't want you to be hounded by the press and by people on social media making unfounded and nasty comments. Plus, he usually had a ride. He often arrived and left with Pedri, who was all too happy to have some company on his way to work in the mornings. If not Pedri, then another member of the squad (or even a member of staff) was always happy to make sure he got to and from practice safely (and didn't get snatched by a random fan).

But today, he was just in the worst mindset. It was freezing in Barcelona, and he hated to practice in the cold. As usual, he was slipping and sliding around the field, even more than usual due to the rain of the previous night. He was cold and wet, and he was being constantly critiqued by the coaching staff because he was just not in top form today. To make matters worse, he was starving. He had been following Robert's "healthy diet" advice, but sometimes he got so fixated on not eating the wrong thing that he just forgot to eat altogether. He had finished some weight training and was ready to hit the shower and go home when he got the news from Pedri.

"The Adidas reps are coming over to get me fitted for some new boots. I wont be leaving until 10:30."

Gavi almost cried at the news that he was going to be held at the Camp so late. He was exhausted. He was cold. He wanted to see his girlfriend. And so he swallowed his pride and called you, asking you to rev up the gas-guzzler and pick him up, even if it meant being photographed together.

"Mi corazón, are you okay? You're giving off more distressed vibes than usual."

"Honestly, I don't know," he replied, turning to look at you. "I've just been feeling drained and down. Everything is irritating me and I just want to sit in bed and do nothing."

A moment of silence passed. You didn't know what to say. You understood how Pablo felt: it was hard living up to so much pressure and expectations, and even if it wasn't full-blown depression, it was enough to make you worried. You didn't want these feelings to start interfering with his day-to-day, because you knew that would just make him feel worse. You weren't a therapist, but you wanted to do whatever you could to provide him with a little bit of comfort.

"... do you want to go to McDonald's?"

"What?" He said, looking over at you with his eyebrows stitched together in confusion, like you had asked the question in a different language.

"Well I mean when I've had a shit day I usually find myself in the McDonald's drive-thru. Nothing makes me feel as good as a 9-piece nugget meal and an Oreo McFlurry. But if you just want to go home I can just take you home."

"I... don't even remember the last time I went to McDonald's."

"Are you being serious?"

"Yeah. I eat a lot at the club and have my macros tracked by the nutritionists there. And then usually I'm with the boys and Eric or someone else cooks. And I don't have a car, so it prevents me from coming here for a McChicken whenever I want."

You drove for a few more minutes before turning into the drive through.

"Welcome to McDonald's what can I get for you?"

You placed your order, going a little overboard and getting everything that looked somewhat appealing. You turned to Gavi.

"What do you want?"

"All that food was for you?!"

"Quickly."

"Um... maybe I just get a small fries. I don't want to ruin all the work I've done by pigging out."

You looked at Gavi with wide eyes. It was dawning on you how much he was actually worried about his eating habits for fear of being ridiculed by the club.

"For him can I get a large McChicken meal with a blue raspberry slushie and- M&Ms or Oreo?"

"What?"

"Hurry up Pablo or we'll be here all night. M&Ms or Oreo?"

"But I- fine. Oreo."

"And an Oreo McFlurry. That's all"

You left the speaker, waiting in line to pay, and you looked over at Pablo, whos cheeks were bright red. He was looking directly in front of him, avoiding eye contact with you.

"What's wrong Pablito? You just said you liked McChickens."

"I do amor, that's not the problem." He said, looking at you. You took his hand in yours and laced your fingers together.

"It's just been a long time since I let myself eat this kind of stuff. And I mean I know that one time will be fine but I just... I don't know how to not feel guilty for having fried food for the first time in like a year."

You brought his hand up to your lips and kissed it gently, rubbing the back of it with your thumb.

"Pablo, you guys just won the Spanish Supercup less than a month ago - and you were in top form might I add. I know it's hard to let yourself have simple pleasures, but you deserve to have things that make you happy every now and then. And plus, this meal is probably better for you than two beers."

He smiled widely, leaning over to give you a gentle kiss. You reciprocated, enjoying the feeling of his soft lips against yours until the car behind you honked, causing you both to swiftly pull away.

You moved to the window, pulling out your wallet to pay.

"Corazón, you don't have to pay for the food. I can get it."

"Oh my God Pablo Gavi?"

He had forgotten to pull his hood up, and now the man at the window looked ready to faint. Pablo panicked. He did not want to be photographed in this moment.

"Why don't you get something for him to sign for you?" You asked sweetly, and Gavi squeezed your arm, greatful for your quick thinking. The employee ran off to find something for Gavi to sign.

"I think my card fell in my bag. Pablito, can you open up my McDonald's app on my phone so I can get the reward points?"

The employee returned, hands shaking as he handed you a shirt and a Sharpie for Gavi. The app lit up Gavi's face and just before he gave you the phone, his eyes got wide.

"Bebe, why do you have 7,000 McDonald's points."

".... I'm sad often. Hurry up and sign the shirt."

You got your food and drove back to Pablo's house.

"It's your obligation as a passenger to eat fries out of the bag while they are hot, and occasionally feed some to me." You said playfully. He smirked at you, grabbing some fries and taking a bite.

"Fuck."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just forgot how good fat and salt are."

At Pablo's house, he tried to set the food on the table, but you stopped him, grabbing the bag and skipping over to the couch. You set the food out on the coffee table and dimmed the lights.

"Why do the lights have to be off for us to eat?" Pablo asked, sitting on the couch and putting one arm around you, pulling you close.

"Because it's more freeing. Don't look and hyper-analyze what you're eating, Pablo. Just eat until you're full."

You unwrapped the burger and handed it to Pablo, following quickly with your own food. You put on an episode of your favorite show, and you two just sat and ate and cuddled. After 5 or 6 episodes, the food was cleared, and you and Pablo had situated yourselves on the couch. He was laying in your arms, and you alternated between eating ice cream yourself and feeding him spoonfuls.

"Bebe, I have a question?"

"Yes mi amor?"

"How did you know I was going to like blue raspberry?"

"Because you have the taste buds of a 5 year old, just like me. Why? Did you like it?"

"I loved it. I'm going to go and buy myself one every time I score a goal."

"Can I get in on this deal? I also like slushies."

"Of course mi corazón. How else am I going to get to the McDonald's? You'll be driving."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: Hey y'all! Hope you enjoyed this one. Inspired by my own late night McDonald's run (which actually tragically ended w me spilling half the food on the floor). If you haven't had a blue raspberry slushie from McDonald's (and it's available where you are) go get one. I have met so many athletes who have this mentality around fast food, and so I wanted to give a little bit of a different perspective. Anyways, I've really been enjoying this prompt challenge. I hope you are too. Please leave any comments or feedback here or in my asks, and see y'all later!

[nyrasbloodyclover]

hypnotic (kai anderson x reader)

cw: breeding kink, eating disorder (it's really really bad), mommy issues, mentions of suicide, parental abuse, cults, kai is his own warning really, murder, overstimulation

a/n: if you're not into this pleaseeeee leaveeeeee i don't want tumblr to delete my blog again. also you can read this fic on ao3 if you'd like, link is in my pinned post. and if, by any chance, you relate to this i am so sorry.

What I wanted right now, was to get out of my house, go anywhere, just so I could stop listening to constant fighting and screaming from my parents. I couldn't bear it anymore. I had one year until college but it seemed impossible to survive that long. 

"Oh, look who locked herself in her room!" My mother bursted in and a pit started forming in my stomach. I didn't move. "When are you going to start being useful? You're in here all the time, you could start paying rent." 

Now, what was I supposed to say to that? If I told her that the reason I spent all my time in my room was because they wouldn't stop screaming at each other and I would just be their punching bag, she wouldn't listen and the situation would only get worse.

"Or maybe it's time for you to find a job. Now you're just living like a parasite." I stared. My mother was a very complex character. I think she would be capable of pulling Gone Girl on us. She has the mentality. Just saying.

My father on the other hand, he's weak. Or she made him weak. I don't remember the last time he stood up for himself. He's tired, I can see that clearly. I just wish they would get a divorce. It's so draining to wake up everyday and live in fear that your every move is going to be a mistake, something to criticize. 

I don't remember the last time I felt truly at peace, but I could afford myself distractions. That's how I ended up scrolling through Tumblr 12 hours per day and forgetting to eat because the skinny girls I came across were just so pretty. Food was my enemy. We couldn't stand each other. And the guilt simply because of eating was the worst feeling ever.

Empty is pretty. And I wanted to look pretty, so I starved. It was my sport. It still is. The joy of seeing my hipbones and ribs after some time was indescribable. I loved to lay awake at night and touch my bones, feel them as I tried to fall asleep. Of course, there were many times when I just couldn't take it anymore and I binged. I would regret it immediately and restrict even more.

"Alright. I'll find a job." I stared at her with empty eyes. I was dizzy, almost like I got drunk. She exited the room and slammed the doors behing her. I think I'm never going to fully understand her.

I stared at my ceiling, having no energy to move, even though I had unfinished assignments hanging above my head, screaming at me to do them, but I just wanted to sleep. School can wait. I think my red lipstick was smudged, but I had no energy to take it off. My hair was a mess, too. I tried to straighten it but my natural waves were too stubborn. I fell asleep.

A week passed. My life stayed the same except for my new job at the restaurant—The Butchery On Main.

The two sweet women who own it were kind enough to let me work even though they don't employ people under eighteen. I worked mostly after my school, until the closing. I didn't mind since I got to leave the house and get a break from my parents. 

People were nice, I took their orders, served their food. The restuarant was mostly empty during my shifts, but nonetheless it was almost hard, working with food. All those calories around me made me want to puke. And I wasn't much of a puker. I had the urge to binge. It was disgusting. But I wasn't going to throw all my work out of the window just like that. 

I had my diet coke and if I got hungry Ivy said that I could eat whatever I wanted, and I wanted cucumber. With pepper. They had those.

Today, I had much free time so I was just sitting at one of the tables and doing my homework while scrolling through Tumblr and eating freshly peeled cucumber with some seasoning on top. I was thriving. I was almost happy. It seemed impossible.

The door opened. A man walked in. He was dressed in black from head to toe and what stood out the most was his blue hair with grown out roots. He walked like he owned the building and everyone in it. I immediately stood up, while he was pulling out his chair, fixing my uniform. I let him read through the menu for a couple of seconds and then decided to approach.

"What would you like to order?" I smiled. I was nice. I am always nice. Why hasn't he looked at me yet? Why is he ignoring my presence? His head was bowed down until he raised it and I was met with black pools that stared at me, or rather through me. I felt dizzy and it wasn't the diet.

"Surprise me," he cocked his head, "I would love to see what you liberals like to eat the most. Maybe it'll make me change my political views."

"Al..right," I dragged on, "Is that all?"

"Yes," he replied.

"Everything will be done in a minute." I wanted to get away from him, as soon as possible. He was probably some Trump obsessed republican who's most likely to tell me to make him a sandwich. Which I am practically doing right now. But I couldn't deny it - He had a beautiful face. I wouldn't consider him that attractive if it weren't for his dead, piercing eyes that silently commanded you to obey every one of his rules. 

The food was ready. I had a feeling I would fall on my face next time I locked my eyes with his, which wasn't good. I didn't even know his name! Rachel, one of the cooks, handed me the best steak they had, house's special, "Who is it for?"

I didn't dare look at him. "The one with the blue hair. Just please don't stare. He's creeping me out."

Her eyes went wide, "That's Kai Anderson."

I looked at her blandly. The name didn't mean anything to me.

"You seriously need to watch more television."

"I'm fine, thanks. And if he's some menatlly deranged politician, then I'm not really missing out."

All the politics drained me, and don't get me wrong, I loved to be informed, but when I had to argue with someone about basic human rights, I'd rather not know anything.

I walked over to his table, and put the food on it. "I hope you're not vegan. Either way, enjoy your food." I kept my eyes everywhere, just not on him. He was so unsettling. I had to get away.

"I certainly will," he said and I walked away without a second glance. Jesus Christ, his mere presence was intense.

My shift ended in half an hour and that's when the restaurant was supposed to close. Ivy left early because of some family emergency, so she asked me to close and lock everything for her. I changed into my regular clothes—denim skirt and a white button down with my favorite black sweater, docs and a pair of knee socks. I untangled my hair and tried to brush it out with my fingers.

The tables were empty. Well, mostly. So-called Kai Anderson was still here, not even eating, just looking at some papers and flipping them over, for a while now.

I needed some extra balls to approach him and ask him to leave. Why did I accept to be the last one here? I could've been home by now, sleeping or watching a sitcom, but instead I'm stuck in this building with the strangest and the scariest man I've ever met. But then again, If I were home, my mother would be screaming at me. So I guess it's a win? Also I had to thank Kai for occupying my mind and not letting me think about food. I seriously needed to go to bed before I ended up eating something. Or worse- binging. I think I had less than 200 calories today which is a sign that I am slowly approaching danger zone. It isn't a diet anymore. I can't eat normally. I thought I could go back, but I guess my body won't let me. Or was it my mind?

"Miss?" Someone waved before my eyes.

"Yes? Sorry." Kai was standing beside the table that I occupied. 

"Are you closing soon?"

Should I lie? But then again, he isn't stupid. "Yes. Do you want to pay?"

"Oh no. I already did. I just wondered what occupied your mind that much." He had no idea.

"Nothing much. Just tired I guess. Can't seem to balance school and work."

"Ah. You see," he sat across me, "I don't believe you."

"Okay? I didn't try to be persuasive."

He smirked. Dear God, why was he so creepy but so hot at the same time?

"I still want to know what made you zone out for that long." Has he been staring at me the whole time?

"That's creepy. I don't even know you."

"What's that got to do with anything? I just asked you to tell me what's been botherung you. You looked fucking stressed."

"It really doesn't matter." I just wanted him to leave. 

"Wait. Here, I'll give you..." he reached into his  back pocket, "Fifty bucks if you tell me."

My lips curved. Come on, you can't blame me. Extra cash at my age isn't something you just don't accept.

"Ah! I knew it," he smiled, "Come on, doll, speak."

"It isn't anything interesting. My mom is just being a bitch, nothing unusual." I gave him the least I could and snatched the cash from his hand.

"She isn't letting you sleep over at your boyfriend's or something?" He laughed like I had the dumbest reason for not liking my mother.

"Not really. She just...Wants too much, I guess? And I'm not able to give her that." It felt weird saying that out loud. I think I never said it.

He stared at me for a second.

"I want to show you a trick." He put his right hand on the table. "Don't worry. It's something me and my older brother always used to do when we were little."

He reached with his pinky finger over to my hand. We locked fingers like we were making a pinky promise. 

"This is weird. And please hurry. My shift ends in fifteen minutes." 

"We have enough time. Okay, listen. Pinky power. Once the skin contact is made, no lies can be told and whatever we say, stays between us," he narrowed his black eyes, "Trust me, if you lie, I will know. Ready?"

When did I agree to this? Well, fuck it, I'll do it anyway.

"Do you love your family?" He asked, his expression serious.

"Yes." His mouth twitched.

"Do you like your family?"

"Absolutely not." I shook my head.

"Why is that?" 

How do I explain this to him without sounding like a total maniac? "My father is weak, he doesn't know how to stand up for himself. And my mother screams at me for merely existing. Her favorite hobby is emotionally draining me, then pulling my hair or slapping me because she feels like it. She regrets having me. I think she wants me to kill myself. It would be easier to have a dead daughter." My mind went blank. I felt nothing in that moment. Whatever he asked, I was going to tell him.

"Did you ever try to kill yourself?," he asked with a flat voice.

I thought for a second. Should I tell him the whole truth? He said he's going to know if I lie, but that doesn't mean...

"Don't think too much." His eyes went dark while I was literally choking under pressure of his gaze.

"No. I was never suicidal. I like living. But I..." words were stuck in my throat, "I...Sometimes, she would starve me. Saying I didn't deserve it. I had no money to buy something to eat. So I made a game out of it. I developed a disorder. It was the only thing I had some control over. I started it out of spite, but now it's real. It's worse than ever. But I don't want to stop."

His expression never changed. Not once. "Do you hate your mother for that?"

"You have no idea."

"I think I do have some idea about hating one of your parents. So, from experience, I need to ask you one more question."

I nodded. "Have you ever dreamt about killing her?"

I wanted to pull back from him, but his hand wouldn't let me. He pulled me even closer. "We can't break the contact," he gritted through his teeth.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry," I exhaled, "Yes. And no."

"Elaborate." 

The restuarant was silent. I couldn't even hear the sound of cars outside. Lights were practically out. 

"I...I wanted her dead. But I don't think I would be able to do it. I had a," I inhaled, "A fantasy about someone killing her while I watched. It's so fucked up, but I just couldn't help it. It brought me relief that she was gone and someone cared enough to get rid of her for me." 

I was scared to look at him. He was going to call the mental ward and lock me there. I was fucked. Why did I tell him all of that? 

I looked up.

He was smiling. It wasn't a sympathetic smile, or a sad smile, or anything similar to that. He was grinning like a maniac. He released my hand and I realized my eyes were filled with tears. I blinked them away. 

He shook his head with closed eyes, "You're perfect. Perfect."

My voice was low, weak. "What? How could you think that after what I just told you?"

"Don't ask too many questions. I have a solution for you because I know you're destined for greater things. Tell me, do you wish to never be under your mother's thumb again?"

"I mean, yes? That's going to be when I turn eighteen, so I have to be patient."

He laughed. "Oh, no, baby, no. She's never going to let you go. She'll suffocate you until there is nothing left but a shell. No matter the age or what the law says, you'll always be controlled. While she's alive, at least."

"What are you saying?"

"Do you want my help? Do you wish to be finally free?"

This was so fucked up. I never met this man in my life. Why was he offering me help?

"What's in it for you?"

He cocked his head, "I get to keep you by my side."

My mouth was dry. I was scared, but...excited. Thrill rushed down my body as this psychopath was staring at me, offering me a sick escape. I was supposed to say no. I was supposed to save my soul.

"Yes."

"Yes, what?"

"I want your help."

He looked so happy, it made me happy.

"Good. Then, we're leaving now." I was hypnotized by him. I just nodded, not asking where or why, my mother taught me I shouldn't get in the cars with strangers, especially men, but my mother was also the reason for many of my problems. I'll do something that'll piss her off.

I got into Kai's car and shut the door. I was okay with the fact that he might end up killing me.

He said nothing for the most of the ride, but I noticed him glancing over at my skirt that rose up to my thighs. I didn't bother pulling it down. I mean, I wore mini skirts for a reason, right?

I pretended not to notice as I looked at my reflection in the closed window. Hollow cheeks, red lipstick, pale face. I was obsessed. I always wanted to look like a corpse with make up. My face was perfect, lipstick untouched, mascara a little smudged, dark circles under my eyes from sleepless nights. 

"You know you could eat a burger." I looked at him. I almost wanted to hug him. His words made me feel proud, like I achieved something big. And I guess I did.

"Really? Do you know that you're the first person ever to tell me that?" I felt weird happiness in my chest. 

"Well, yeah. Why do you look so surprised? I didn't mean it as a compliment. You have a problem. I'm not even sure it's supposed to be a compliment." He frowned, not taking his eyes off the road.

"It doesn't matter if it's supposed to be a compliment or not. Thank you for saying it." I didn't give two fucks if he thought I was some anorexic lunatic that needed years of therapy. I was happy. And he wasn't my parent or my guardian to tell me what to do.

"Just think about it. What's the point of being so skinny? It's not even attractive."

"The point is in being clean. I don't want to see a pound of fat on my body. It's disgusting. And I am to do with my body as I please. I don't give a fuck if someone likes to eat like a fucking pig because It's not my body, and certainly not my problem." I was so angry. Who the fuck he thought he was?

"Just saying. You look sick. And I mean really, really sick."

"I am aware. Like I'm also aware that I'm fucked in the head. And that's the reason for all of this," I gestured over my figure. 

I could feel his anger. He didn't like that I disagreed with him and stood up for myself, even if I was wrong.

"We're here." He suddenly said, getting out of the car. I followed him into the house I guessed was his. The whole neighborhood was silent. Lights were off everywhere. 

We got into his house and I didn't even got to see it clearly because he practically dragged me into his basement and started changing. He put on a black leather coat while looking for something. His phone? He called someone.

"I'm expecting you'll be here in five? Well don't try to make up excuses. This is a perfect opportunity. I don't care— No, drag yourself and your pathetic wife here." He called two more people and I just stood in the middle of the room staring at him. 

"What's your adress?" Was he really doing that now? "You know what, never mind. I found it." I wasn't going to ask him how. He looked like the person who instead of Instagram browsed dark web. 

"Okay, let's go. They're here." I had to ask him because he said nothing about it. I had to be sure.

"Why are we going to my house?"

Beat. A moment. "To kill your mother, of course."

There were other people with us, but I couldn't see their faces because of the creepy clown masks. Kai had one too. I felt like I was drugged. I didn't know what happened to me. I suppose I had enough. I know Kai is not the answer for my problems, at least not all of them. He's going to get rid of her and then what? No. Stop thinking. 

I listened to my brain this time. It was late. My parents were probably asleep. Probably in separate beds. It's going to be easier for Kai and the others to do the job. They kept their mouths shut and I didn't blame them. I still wasn't sure if I was part of this sick cult or whatever it was. I read enough about them to recognize a cult leader when I see one. 

The car suddenly stopped. We were in front of my house.

"This played out so good, little lamb. I knew you were perfect." Kai's voice was muffled under that mask and his words made my heart flutter. He was so sick. "Don't just stand there, baby. Be a good host. Invite us in. Come on," he gestured with one gloved hand towards my house. I felt everyone's eyes on me as I turned my back and started walking towards the door. What did he mean by this playing out good? Did he plan this before? It certainly did not matter.

We got in, doors creaking, but not enough to wake anyone up. My father was downstairs, in the guestroom, but my Satanic mother was in their bedroom. I went first, up the stairs, one by one, they followed me, Kai first, then the rest of them. 

I showed them the doors. 

Kai got in and they followed him. I shut the door behind me. I felt like I was seeing things through someone else's eyes. I didn't feel guilt and I wasn't regretting my decision. I remember everything through a coat of blur. Knives, a lot of them. They killed her in her sleep. Stabbed her too many times, I lost count. Sheets were soaked with red and the room started smelling like iron too. Kai used her blood to draw some sign on the wall that was facing the bed. It looked like a smiley face, but I wasn't sure. The job was done. I was free. I was free of any charges, since I wasn't home when it happened. I was going to sleep in my bed and wake up in the morning, shocked, petrified, screaming for help, calling the police, my father is going to be terrified too, but relieved. He would never admit it thought. 

We were in the car again. Then in front of Kai's house. "Leave. I want some time alone with our newest member."

"Kai, no. You can't drag her into this. She's just a child—" A feminine voice scorned him under her mask.

"Don't tell me what to do, Winter. Now leave," he raised his voice and I flinched. "We have much to talk about." He took off his mask and smiled knowingly at me. I wasn't scared of him anymore, though I knew I should be. He killed my mother for Christ's sake! 

We went into his basement again. The lights were already on and I watched him as he took off his mask and black coat. His shirt was soaked with my mother's blood. 

"What did you want to talk about?" I cocked my head.

"You were so good. I knew you could do it. Next time, maybe you'll even be the one holding the knife. You didn't even flinch!" He paced through the room and laughed, like he was talking to himself.

"You didn't do this for me, did you?"

He stopped, then looked at me, "I already told you. This played out perfectly. And I've been watching for quite some time now," his eyes darkened "When I found out that the woman who's been talking shit about me over her social media had a daughter, I had to see if she was as bitchy as her mother." Oh, so he did this to save his reputation. Of course.

"And," I swallowed, "Is she?"

He didn't answer me. Instead he marched to the other side of the room and pushed me against the wall, slamming his lips on mine. I was out of breath, not being able to process everything. Oh my god, he was kissing me! This insane, sick in the head, narcissistic, 30-something, psychopath was kissing me and I opened my mouth to him like the whore I was. I wanted him to touch me. No, I needed his blood stained hands on me right now. 

I pulled one of his hands and put it on my chest as his tongue continued to explore my mouth. He took off my sweater and shirt. I was left in a black bra and skirt.

"Aren't you scared of being arrested for fucking a minor?"

"I commited far more monstrous crimes than fucking a seventeen year old and you know it, " he breathed into my mouth. Red lipstick was smudged over his lips. His hand that was on my chest slipped under my skirt and found my panties. 

"You know it," his fingers entered me with ease, "And yet, you're still so fucking wet for me." My mouth fell open as he buried his fingers deeper if that was even possible. I wasn't a virgin, but then again, I've never been with a man. I took my own virginity so that I didn't have to bother. 

"Kai—" I breathed. I needed more.

He sat on one of the chairs beside the circular table and pulled me onto his lap, his thigh between my legs. My clit was aching for some king of friction so I started rubbing myself against the rough fabric of his jeans. 

"Aren't you desperate?" He pushed me on the floor, between his legs, he pulled out his belt and unzipped his pants. His intentions were clear and I was happy to oblige, but I had to touch myself or I'd go insane. I started stroking his already hard dick and rubbing my clit at the same time. 

He noticed. And he wasn't happy about it. "I thought you were going to be patient. But I guess not." He took his belt and with one move he tied my hands behind my back while I was still kneeling in front of him.

"Please, I just need to—"

"Yes, yes, I know, but you have to deserve it. Am I right?"

I nodded hesitantly and he scooped up my hair in his fist and used it to pull my head down. I took him into my mouth as the wetness and ache grew between my legs. 

Kai continued to pull my head down until his tip hit the back of my throat and I gagged. He chuckled.

My eyes teared up as I sucked his dick like my life depended on it.

He grunted and raised his hips, so I knew he was close. And I knew he was going to either come in my mouth or...

He pulled out and finished on my tits, painting my chest with his cum. 

"You were so good," he said with his head tilted back and eyes closed. He let my hair fall down my back and over my face. Kai dressed and got up, then pulled me with him, still tied.

He slammed me on the desk and I was able to just lay there and let him do whatever he wanted to me. Not that I minded.

"I feel like I'm going to break you," he said as he traced my very visible ribs with the tips of his fingers. "Break every bone in your body." 

I could feel my stomach sinking in and his words made me even a bigger mess than I already was. "Do it, please, please," I cried out as my hips rose towards him. 

"Since you asked so nicely...And the skirt stays on. Do you know how much willpower it took me not to bury my hand under your skirt and make you beg for more while we were driving?" He pulled my skirt up and didn't even bother to take off the panties, he just ripped them. He towered over me as I layed on his table, feeling the cool air on my swollen clit. 

Kai's fingers went over my aching pussy and my back arched towards his touch. He did nothing for a split second and then came the first slap. I yelped as the burning spread between my legs, but I didn't tell him to stop. He slapped me even harder and I cried out, most ungodly sounds coming from my mouth.

"Don't worry, you can scream as loud as you'd like."

He slapped my dripping cunt once more and after that I was sure I was going to feel his hands on me days after. He didn't wait for me to recover from his brutality, instead he buried two fingers inside me and started scissoring, wanting to spread me even wider. I threw my head back as he added one more. He buried them knuckle deep inside me and began curling them.

"I feel like you're a big girl. You can take one more." He didn't wait for my agreement. His four fingers were inside, making my pussy burn with pleasure. I wasn't able to form words. He spat on me and started massaging my clit while almost his whole hand was thrusting in and out of me. I felt pressure deep in my lower stomach and started panting and moaning for him to continue, but he did exactly the opposite. 

My cunt was left empty without his fingers and I could almost cry. I just needed a bit more.

"Don't look so upset. I'm not finished with you." 

Kai untied me and took his belt. He spread my legs as wide as he could and started spanking my pussy with it. I screamed more in pain than surprise, "Kai, no, stop, please stop-"

The pain was unbearable, but it was just enough  for my clit to start pulsing more and that pressure in my belly to grow. I screamed in pain as he continued to hit me with no mercy. I could feel my walls clenching and my back arched as I came undone. Orgasm hit me and I came down from my high, but Kai didn't stop. 

He started rubbing my abused cunt, overstimulating it. He was deaf to my begging and crying. It was too much. There was no pleasure anymore, just pure pain, but he continued to massage it and after a couple of minutes I was shaking with another orgasm. I knew I was too sensitive, but when I tried to close my legs, he stopped me. Then I noticed his rock hard dick under his jeans and my heart dropped. I was going to pass out. He was going to use me, not caring for my pleasure anymore.

"Just hold still a little more, doll." He pulled his dick out and slammed himself inside me, making my eyes roll to the back of my head. Everything hurt, but he didn't care. His thrusts were fast and rough, I couldn't keep up. I could feel his orgasm building and he had no intention of pulling out. Kai continued to slam into me until he reached his peak. He filled me with his seed and when he finally pulled out I could feel it dripping from my pussy.

Kai helped me get up and as he was untying his belt, his hot breath was on my neck. "Welcome to the cult, baby."

[resident-gay-bitch]

My Barty Crouch Jr headcannons:

He’s a kleptomaniac - at least to some degree. I think he can’t help but steal things from the people he loves, like he’s just always taking their shit and he has little collections of his favorite people’s things hidden away in his room

He actually has a massive fucking heart and feels so deeply but he doesn’t let anyone know that because his father kept telling him it wasn’t manly to have emotions so he shuts them all up

Death eater or not - wizards or not - stuck in a war or not - no matter fucking what circumstance Barty would actually kill for those he loves. If someone he cares about comes crying about being hurt he would lash out and hurt them back and he would not hesitate to kill them if granted permission

He’s not the healthiest. He smokes compulsively, if he was alive now he’d also vape like it was his last resort.

His diet is basically energy drinks, chips, and plain pieces of bread. He really doesn’t eat much at all so he’s really skinny to the point where it’s concerning and borderline an eating disorder.

He’s never or will never love anyone to the extent that he loves Pandora. He looked at her one day and just decided she was his entire fucking world. She’s the only one he really opens up too, the only one who sees him cry (before his lover), the first person besides his mum who’s ever hugged him and held him and told him he’s worthy of being loved. He would go to the ends of the earth for her, and he really wishes he could just put her in his pocket and protect her from everything. They are the ultimate besties.

Barty falls for every single one of his friends. Some deeper than others. But he gets crushes on anyone that makes the time for him, listens to what he has to say, and genuinely enjoys his presence. There aren’t many that do, so he genuinely fucking clings.

That man would have the most random fucking tattoos ever. They’re mostly cool as shit. Like he’ll have big scary boy tattoos but then smushed in between scorpions and snakes and like demons with blood he’d just have a little ghost with love heart eyes or something. Most of the random ones are because they’re funny or because Pandora said she liked something so he just got a tattoo of it. He also has her name tattood on his chest.

He has had them most retched mullets in his days. He only gets rid of them when Pandora finally breaks and asks him to grow it out. He somehow still gets bitches with those atrocities though.

If he was alive now, he would definitely own a maid costume and would pull it out at the most random times. Regulus / Evan would fucking thirst over it so much.

Acts like a dom outside the bedroom, the most bottom man ever in the bedroom - but he’s cheeky about it

He just wants to be loved at the end of the day

Would 1000% have a dick piercing. Probably even more than one. He would also have a dick tattoo because he’s stupid

His favorite colours are pale forest greens and sky blues

Socks on at all times when he’s around other people or in active mode. The only time they come off is in the shower or bed, and only if he’s in bed alone. Man’s will be butt ass naked without a care but he will still be wearing his socks. He also only owns dumb socks

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SHARE SOME OF YOURS! come put them all in my ask box <3

I do have more but this is what I’m sharing for now :)))