#even though i will ve teaching college

[simple-and-cozy-life]

I've been so stressed from the changes happening in my life that I forgot that, even though this is going to suck, God is going to get me through this transitional time. Eventually, I will have the stability that I need and I will have a family.

Life will persist and so must I.

[brrbrina]

Just want to request prompt #16, maybe where the reader was super busy and tired and wasn’t able to do any of the chores. However Joe also had a long day but he wanted to do the chores for the reader to take off some stress from her. Something like that filled with fluff 😚❤️

warnings: none

You came home extremely tired from work, ever since you were tiny you dreamt of a flower shop. After you went away to college and came back you earned a little money you decided to open it, later on your journey you met Joe, he was there picking lilies for his mom on Mother´s day and he kept showing up every week until he ran out of excuses to give flowers for his mom

"You know I can physically see you thinking of something to say when you order these flowers right?" you said looking at him and you saw his eyes smile for the first time "Well, I love giving my mom flowers is that a bad thing?" "No it isn´t, that´s actually really sweet," you said on the other side of the counter "How can I help you today Joe?" you said smiling "Can I have your number? I would love to take you out on a date?" he said hopping you didn´t had a boyfriend -which you didn't- but to him it was impossible, you were gorgeous and the times you had talked you were as sweet as pie.

It´s safe to say you went on a date with him, and three years later you had your first and only child -until now - a little baby boy with the biggest blue eyes ever, he looked exactly like his dad you were crying tears of joy when you saw him for the first time.

Joe was an excellent father, boyfriend and above all he was an impeccable man, he loved spending his nights in and taking care of you and your little one, even though you didn´t plan on having a kid so soon, it happened and you were sure you were made to be his mom and he was made to be your son. And Joe loved it, he loved the fact that he could teach him the same things his dad reached him, but deep down he was born to be a girl dad, there wasn´t a single day where he didn't wonder about his life having a little girl

"We´ve talked about this before Joe, Jack is still so little and I´m focused on the flower shop, the off-season it´s the only time you are here 24/7 and I don´t blame you it´s your job but you have to understand that I have my dreams as well" you said putting the dishwasher on, as much as you loved being a mom, it wasn´t in your plans soon, "I have told you a hundred times I make enough money for us, you can stay here and watch our children, and, " Joe said but you stopped him, it was getting in your nerves he couldn´t take a no for an answer "This isn´t about me needing your money, you had a dream when you were a kid and you worked hard for it, you got it, and you´re living your dream, this is about me and what I need to do because I owe myself this, and I´m not ready to be a mom again, the last pregnancy was on the season and I hated being alone, I can do this again, you said walking out of the kitchen going upstairs to take a shower, you had been working all day and the last thing you wanted was to take out your anger on him.

When you came out of the shower and made your way to your bed you saw that Joe wasn´t there, he knew he had done wrong so he gave you space, and as much as you would love for him to come back to you you saw him sleeping with Jack on his bed, the bed was so tiny and Joe was so big it made you giggle.

The next morning he left for practice and he dropped Jack off at school, it was a weird feeling because you didn´t want him near you, you just wanted to be alone, you loved your kid, but being a mom can be an exhausting job.

A few hours had passed and the doorbell on the flower shop was ranged "Can I get a big bouquet of peonies?" he was standing there, with your favorite matcha latte and his sorry eyes, "Sure, do you want to write a note?" you said not making eye contact with him "Yes I want to write I´m sorry, I´m the world´s worst boyfriend please" he said trying to make you look at him, "Joe" you said but he interrupted "I´m sorry, I know I went too far, this is your dream and you´re pretty good at it, to be honest" and you punched him on the arm as he laughed "C´mon let´s go pick up Jack" you said telling the girls on the flower shop you were leaving, you rarely did this but there wasn´t any jobe due that day and you needed your family.

Later that day you were on the couch watching Cars with Jack and while you were falling asleep you heard Joe whisper "I forgot to add in the note that you´re the hottest MILF ever" he said kissing your ear but you decided to just close your eyes and go to sleep.

a/n: I know this isn´t exactly what you asked for but i got carried away writing this one and tbh i´m falling asleep writing this lol BUT I loved writing this, hopefully, i´ll get out of my writers block and give you the last chapter of fwd series :)

[revenancy]

REVENANCY — a writeblr (re)intro

'sup.

→ I'm Riel. 26 going on "wait, I'm not already 27? I thought I was 28." Queer. Neurodivergent. Agender. Any pronouns work for me, though I'm especially fond of ve/vis/ver.

→ I grew up on YA and adult fantasy novels, and as an adult, there's nothing I love more than to sit down and write on my own silly little YA and adult fantasy novels. I would love to be published some day, trad or selfpub. If I can reach one person in the same way my favorite authors have reached me, that's a success.

→ I have too many projects to count. I mean that entirely literally. Here are a couple that I love and I'm trying to write or revise at some point in the next year:

UNCHOSEN: When the Chosen dies, her twin sister is forced to fake her own death and take her place to prevent their home from falling into chaos.

THE GARDEN OF EARTHLY DELIGHTS: A disowned crown prince ekes out an existence teaching his half-siblings. A journeyman political assassin is caught breaking down the bodies. Navigating the court alone is hard – but together, it's deadly.

BEARSKIN: When a hunter kills an ancient snow bear, her brother is stolen as payment for her crime. She treks across the snow to bring him home, but the Prince of Always Night, enigmatic Winter himself, won't let him go unless she plays his game. Curses, after all, must be paid out.

SALT & SILVER: A College alchemist and a guardsman in a little frontier town track down a necromancer who's trying to wake the ghost of a forgotten god – but that's what he's counting on.

→ I'm looking for new (or old) writeblrs to follow – my old account got completely destroyed, so this is a hard reset for me, and I'd like to find some more people to interact with!

→ I follow back, and I love tag games and ask games, even if I don't always have the energy to keep up with them. I also love all of y'all's projects, even if I don't always have the energy. Neurodivergence and a full time job are great, y'all.

Much love!

[imagine-silk]

AtSV; Modern!College!Miguel and Peter w/ a exchange student who speaks little English

》 This kind of relies on you being a man because you will be living with him

Miguel

Was more than a little annoyed because they chose him for speaking Spanish. You spoke Brazilian Portuguese. "Olá, estou muito animado para conhecê-lo."

When you get there he hears you and immediately goes for a transfer. B-lines for the office with you and shows them the problem.

"We don't speak the same language. Look." He turned to you who had no idea why you were there. "¿Me entiendes?" You furrowed your brow at him saying unknown words. "O que você está dizendo?"

Unfortunately, the program was just starting and no one but the teacher spoke Portuguese. Everyone else spoke enough English to get by but you didn't.

He takes you to his classes and uses a translator to talk to you. He says if you're surrounded by the language you will learn it. And as much as it pains him that means he needs to speak English at home.

You can sense his frustration with you and it off puts you to the point you get a translation app too and try to walk around by yourself. But then he had to save you from a fight you accidentally found yourself in. How you did that you don't know.

He tells you it's not personal, he hates that they gave him a task he's not qualified for and doesn't have the time to learn the qualifications. "It going fine. Trying is something even you are upset." You say trying to assure him, and it works.

He becomes a lot less uptight about you in general and actually goes out of his way to help you, something Jess and Lyla will point out.

He doesn't learn Portuguese, he already knows a Latin language and he just doesn't have the time. But he will always have some sort of translator on him to make up for it.

You both get withdrawls from speaking English all the time so you agreed to speak your language at home and just deal. If you need the other to for sure know what your saying then you speak English.

Teachers both love and hate you. Miguel is one of the best students and he's helping another student therefore furthering the message, but also they can't use him as an example or use him as a TA because he has to walk around a new kid.

The more you learn English the easier your life gets, you still want to speak your language but you do that on your own. But well passed the exit point Miguel doesn't sign off on being your chauffeur. You both know why, you just don't want to say the quiet part out loud.

Peter

He doesn't know how he got chosen to take care of you, he's not known for being responsible. But he doesn't say no.

Even though he was in charge of helping you through daily life he didn't think the language barrier would be as difficult as it was. Turkish was more than a little different.

"Merhaba ve benimle yaşamayı kabul ettiğiniz için teşekkür ederim." He blinks a few times before you realize he didn't understand you. "You are not translate?" "No. We're you supposed to have one?" He's genuinely confused rather than annoyed. You tell him you thought you would but rereading your transfer papers it didn't say you would be supplied with one.

You apologize for your broken English and he brushes it off. It wasn't your fault.

Without any thought he takes up learning it. Seriously, he shows up that night with books, a few academic and a few for children. "I know less than a kid so it's a good place to start."

You will teach each other your respective languages. You told him he didn't need to learn Turkish but he insisted he did, if not to make you more comfortable then to talk shit in front of people.

He's better at academics than he'll have anyone know so it doesn't take long for him to get the basics down and a few key phrases. "Yiyecek almaya gitmek ister misin? Açlıktan ölüyorum." His accent is halfway there because he hears yours.

Constantly speaks to you in Turkish for various reasons. One; to keep it fresh in his mind and make you comfortable while you learn English. Two; to show off he knows another language. Three; to low-key keep you to himself. It's not possessive it's just a quiet 'we have a thing you will never understand' so it's more like bragging.

Will talk about classes, social cues, people to know and stay away from, how the freshmen are adorable, and how much he doesn't like Jess. You can find a safe place with him while you're getting things in order. You can count on him to help you. Who wouldn't find that incredibly sexy?

[snsech]

｡˚₍ ✉️ ₎ ; MICAH !! ━━━━━ ━━

• micah used to be into urbex as much as prairie was, but it' s not really their thing anymore. they continue giving her tips when they come across any, though, and prairie' s very happy that they still support her endeavors.

• they have a matching tattoos with their twin ; each have a fox on their arm, along with a sun (for prairie) and a moon (for micah). surprisingly, the idea came from them.

• they were very, very bad at confrontations growing up, which is why they never said anything when prairie’ s behavior was bothering them. it hit its boiling point when they were both in high school, as micah had grown furious to prairie’ s constant attempts at putting herself in danger for the sake of the thrills. the two stopped talking for a while before reconciling, and they now made a vow to be honest with each other.

• … it’ s rather unfortunate, then, that micah has hidden many parts of their life to prairie.

• she has no idea they dropped off of college when vivian got sick, nor does she know that they’ ve been struggling financially. micah says to themself that it’ s because she’ s enjoying herself and doesn’ t want to bother her, but the truth is that they’ re feeling… ashamed of not succeeding as well as prairie is. they don’ t want to risk disappointing her.

• of course, their worries are unfounded - prairie doesn’ t care about that in the slightest so long as micah is having fun. who cares if they haven’ t figured out what they wanted to do yet ? none of that matters. micah just has… to see it for themself.

• micah had never been interested by anyone before, so when prairie saw how they were looking at reese, she immediately made it her mission to help them flirt with him - much to micah' s dismay. they' d be lying if they said that didn' t encourage them to pursue him actively, though…

• they' re a very fast reader ! it' s amazing. to think i can' t even finish one page because i get stuck on the same sentence for… hours…

• i like to think that - when things settle down - micah teaches reese about all the famous and less-famous artists and movements they' ve learned about… ! they' re good at teaching. being with him might even encourage them to share what they' ve drawn and painted themself~

• micah has gotten a little… anxious about getting sick or ill, since they were there for most of vivian' s illness.

[tobesolonely]

kindergarten teachers

summary: teacher!harry and coworker y/n have a hard time coming to terms with their feelings for each other

a/n: ahhh she’s finally done! i’ve been working on this fic for sooo long and i hope u all like it! big thanks to @queencharry​ for helping me when i got stuck and beta reading, and @behindthatbabyface​ for beta reading as well and giving me feedback!! i appreciate u both <3 enjoy ~11.3k words of some mutual pining and teacher!h interacting with lil kindergarteners 🥺also i am sorry if theres any major grammar mistakes (as always) or crazy typos, i always miss some things when i go back and proofread that im sure i’ll catch later! thank u

warnings: smut, mentions of alcohol 

talk to me about harry and y/n! let me know your thoughts!!

my ko-fi! thank you :)

From the time you were very young, you knew you wanted to be a teacher. One of your earliest childhood memories was going to school dressed up as one for career day. Your usually untamed hair was pulled back into a sleek bun (courtesy of your mother), and you donned a funky baby-pink sweater. For bottoms, you wore the closest thing to a pencil skirt you had in your five-year-old wardrobe. When you look back on the photographs your mother took of you that day, you did not resemble a teacher in any way. You were sure if you had not done your Career Day presentation in front of the whole class, no one would have even known who you were dressed up as.

Once you moved onto college and declared Education as a major, that was when people really started to let you hear their opinions on the career path you wanted to pursue. It seemed like whenever you went home for a holiday, relatives were always in your ear saying, “You know teachers don’t make a lot of money, right? Have you ever considered something in the sciences?”. You always responded, “I know, but what would the world do without teachers?”.

Eventually, you finished your undergraduate career, successfully completed student teaching with the highest praise from your superiors and colleagues, obtained your teaching credentials, and even went back to school to get your Master’s degree. So, it was much to everyone’s surprise when you settled on being a Kindergarten teacher. People assumed that because you completed so much schooling, you wanted to be a university professor. However, the thought never even crossed your mind. You always thought Kindergarten teachers were the most impressionable people out there and knew you wanted to be one.

To you, there was no greater responsibility than that of a Kindergarten teacher. It was your responsibility to teach your students reading, writing, art, and music at the most basic level. You showed them how to play with others, how to be kind, and give them the tools necessary to succeed once they leave your classroom. You were the first teacher your students ever had, so you needed to make them fall in love with school instead of hate it, considering they’d have to stick to it until they were at least eighteen. 

You’ve been a credentialed Kindergarten teacher for the last three years, and you’ve loved every moment of it. You were one of the younger teachers at school, but you never felt left out. Your colleagues were amazing people who often shared tips and tricks they wish they knew when they first started teaching.

Now, you were groggily unlocking the door to your classroom, feeling those first-day-of-school jitters you always felt. You knew kindergarteners weren’t there to harshly critique you. Still, you wanted them to go home and tell their parents about how excited they were to have you as a teacher, not run home in tears. That never happened, of course, but you didn’t want to take any chances. You drop your keys and mutter a quiet, “Shit!” setting your travel mug filled with coffee on the ground and readjust the box of donuts you had for your kids on your hip. As you reach for your keys, you hear a deep voice ask if you need help. You quickly turn around, eyes wide from being startled.

“Oh! You scared me,” you place your free hand over your chest. “But yeah, actually, that’d be great. I’m struggling to get my door open.” The man nods, his own keys he wore around his neck jangling as he retrieves first your keys, then your coffee mug.

“I’m Harry– Mr. Styles, if you want,” he holds your keys out for you to take, your coffee mug still in his large hands. “Uh, I’m the new Kindergarten teacher.” You give him a confused look and trade the box of donuts in your arms for your keys, opening the door. “The last one, Mrs. Brown, I think it was, I guess she decided a few weeks back that she wanted to retire.” You get your door open and walk inside your classroom, turning on the lights. It was a little stuffy, considering you hadn’t been there to open any windows in about a month.

“Oh, that’s right! Welcome,” you give him a warm smile. “I’m Y/N– Miss Y/L/N if you want.” A slight blush appears on his cheeks. “We’re gonna be working together then, it seems. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Mrs. Brown, but it’ll be nice to collaborate with someone closer to my age, you know?” Harry nods, and you realize he still had your coffee mug and box of donuts in his hands. “You can just set that on my desk, thanks for helping out. Would you like a donut?”

“Um, I- it’s okay,” he stammers, setting the items down. “Sorry, it’s just that I’ll probably crash if I have a donut first thing in the mornin’.” You smile at him and move to open all your windows and the back door, wanting the stuffy classroom to air out a bit before the children got here. 

“I totally get that,” you giggle, walking back over to your desk. “Are you excited about the first day? I always get a little nervous. I also talk a lot when I’m nervous, I’m sure you caught onto that.” 

For the first time that morning, Harry laughs. “Yeah, I’m nervous, too. ’ve never taught in the States before, so this is a bit new to me.” He’s playing with the keys hanging from his lanyard. 

“I noticed you had an accent, but I didn’t know if it was weird to ask about it. What brings you to California?” You open the box of donuts and take one out, wanting to eat it before it gets cold, and the glaze hardens.

“Uh, I went to University here, but when I graduated, I decided to go back home and teach for a couple of years. I really missed being here though and wanted to come back, so I got my credentials, and uh, here I am,” he tells you with a grin, and you notice he has deep dimples. 

“Well, we’re glad you’re here,” you tell him earnestly. “The kids are just gonna love your accent, too!” you joke and Harry laughs for the second time that day. 

“If all else fails, ’m hopin’ to charm everyone over with my accent,” he stares at you for a moment before speaking again. “Well, I better finish getting situated. It’s fifteen til, and I reckon the children will be arriving soon, yeah?” He asks. You nod. 

“Best to be waiting at parent drop-off too, there are always a few parents that are just as nervous as their babies, if not more, and could use a quick pep talk.”

“Thanks for lettin’ me know. I was thinking about standing out there anyway, just to make a good first impression.” You take another bite of your donut, giving him a thumbs up. 

“You’ve got this, Harry. I know you’re not completely clueless since you’ve taught before, but I know the first day can be a little intimidating. You know where I am if you need anything.” He gives you a grateful smile, quietly thanking you before turning to walk out the door. You’re left thinking about your new coworker, only being pulled from your thoughts of him when the first bell rings.

“Good morning everyone, my name is Miss Y/L/N. Are you all excited to get this school year started?” A chorus of high-pitched yeses fills the room, and you smile warmly at your class. “I’m so excited that you’re all here! I have a little surprise for each of you!” You grab the box of donuts and walk back to the rug in the center of the room that the children usually sat on for storytime. Little gasps fill your ears, and they all say, “Donuts!” and “Yummy!”. You smile at the kids again, already feeling overwhelmed with how adorable they were. 

“We all get a donut?” one little girl asks, her eyes wide. You nod at her.

“Of course! Everyone will get a donut, sweetie.” You move to get the plastic food gloves you kept so you can safely hand out a donut to everyone. “Okay guys, I’m going to pass a stack of napkins around the room. Take one and pass the stack to the person sitting next to you. Does that make sense?” All the students nod their heads in confirmation, so you grab a stack and hand them to the child sitting closest to you. “Once the last person has their napkin, let me know, and then it’ll be donut time!” You say this over-enthusiastically, and the children squirm in their seats in excitement.

As you go around handing out donuts to each of your students, you learn their names and ask them to tell you one fun fact about them. Most children say things like, “I have a brother/sister!” or “I can run really fast!”, and you find it absolutely adorable. One thing you loved the most about teaching five-year-olds was their ability to think everything was cool. It was comforting to know that no matter what you did, they’d find you cool, and your first-day jitters quickly dissipated. As the children eat their donuts, you read them a story, putting on different voices for all the various characters. You show them how to raise their hand when they have something they’d like to share and remind them to use their “listening ears” when you or one of their classmates are speaking.

When it’s time for recess, you show them how to line up quietly at the door, and assign a line leader and a hall monitor. You remind the children that they will all get a turn at these tasks eventually because it’ll switch every week, and not to worry. As you’re walking down the hall backward (one of your teachers walks that you’d finally perfected), you hear Harry’s voice.

“Okay Room Ten, we’re gonna go out to the playground now, where you all will get to play every recess and lunch. That sounds like fun, doesn’t it?” He asks them, and you hear little voices chattering out to him in excitement. You can’t help but peek into his classroom as you walked by, as his door was open. He didn’t see you because he was busy organizing his class into a straight line, so you keep going. Your class, who, much to your surprise, was walking very quietly, got loud once they saw the Kindergarten play area had a slide and monkey bars.

“We get to play on this?” one of your students, Destiny, questions. 

“Yup! This is a pretty cool play area, isn’t it?” They nod and stare at you, waiting for direction. “Oh, you can all go play and run around, get some of that energy out. When the bell rings, though, I want you to listen to the yard teachers because they’re gonna help get you all lined back up so we can go back inside. Deal?” The children give you nods and thumbs up, and you grin at them, telling them to have fun and be nice to one another. As you’re turning to go to the teacher’s lounge to refill your mug of coffee, you see Harry walking down the hallway with his class, and decide to wait for him. He gives his class the same spiel you gave yours and tells them to “Treat each other with kindness” before noticing you waiting for him.

“Hey,” he gives you a grin, looking far more relaxed than he did when you saw him earlier that morning. “How’s it going so far?”

“It’s great,” you reply, leading him in the direction of the teacher’s lounge. “They’re all adorable.”

“Yeah, don’t know what I was so nervous fo’. They’re great. Also, you’re right,” Harry has an amused look on his face. “The first thirty minutes of ’em bein’ there was just them askin’ me to say things because they think I sound funny.” 

“I told you!” you exclaim, laughing at him. “A British accent is definitely not something we hear every day, not here at least.”

“I figured,” he replies, and silence falls between you. “Where are we going, by the way?”

You stop in front of a blue door and sift through the keys on your lanyard, finally finding the one you were looking for. “Teacher’s lounge. Have you had the chance to check it out yet?” He shakes his head, and you pull open the door after having unlocked it. “After you.” He shakes his head and steps back, signaling you go ahead of him. You quirk an eyebrow at him, and he gives you a defensive look.

“What? ‘M a gentleman. Ladies first,” he insists, holding the door open. You walk inside the room, trying to refrain from rolling your eyes. There aren’t many teachers in the lounge. You figure they all must be in their classrooms, trying to do some last-minute organization and lesson planning amidst the first day of school chaos. However, a few colleagues that you’re rather fond of are in the room, so you take it upon yourself to introduce them to Harry.

“Hello everyone, I hope you’re all having a relaxing morning!” They chuckle lightly at your sarcasm. “I’d like you all to meet Mr. Harry Styles. He’s the new Kindergarten teacher that took Mrs. Brown’s place.” A look of realization washes over all three teachers’ faces, and they warmly greet him. Harry goes around, shaking each of their hands, voice dripping with charm.

“Lovely to meet you all. Looking forward to collaborating,” he tells them quietly. They begin engaging in polite conversation, so you leave Harry’s side, walking over to the coffee station to get what you came for before recess was over. He joins you shortly after, grabbing a disposable cup. “They were a nice bunch.” He mutters, pouring the steaming coffee into his cup. You hum in agreement.

“Everyone here is nice. The lounge is usually much more crowded than this. Everyone else must be in their rooms,” you flick your wrist up to check the time. “We got some time to sit down and breathe for a bit if you’d like? Unless you wanted to get back to your room.”

“‘M in no rush, trust me,” he tells you, flashing you a small smile. “Let’s take a seat.” Harry walks over to an unoccupied couch and sits down slowly, taking care not to spill his coffee. 

“You didn’t want a lid?” you question when you see him struggling. He shrugs.

“Not necessary. Jus’ some extra plastic,” you hum and look down at your lap. You were quickly learning that Harry was not a big talker, and he liked to get his point across in as few words as possible. Him being a Kindergarten teacher contradicted heavily with his rather bashful demeanor, but that just made him all the more endearing to you.

“Do you live nearby, or is your commute long?” you ask him after a few moments of silence. As soon as you ask the question, you internally cringe, feeling like it was too invasive. If Harry thought the question was weird, he doesn’t show it.

“I live in town. I actually walked here today, believe it or not,” he tells you with a chuckle. “Was such a beautiful morning that I figured I should.” Every time you think Harry can’t possibly get any more captivating, he does, and you find yourself biting back a smile.

“How long is your walk?” You cross your legs and then uncross them, a nervous habit that you had. Harry takes a sip of coffee, mulling your question over.

“I’d say it took me about twenty minutes. I was walkin’ at a pretty leisurely pace, though,” Harry shrugs. “How about you? Do you live nearby?”

“I also live in town, but I’m way too lazy to walk, so props to you,” you smile. “The best thing about living around here is seeing your kids out in public. It’s the cutest thing.” Harry smiles, not saying anything else. A silence falls over the two of you again but instead of feeling the need to fill it, you just sit beside him, drinking your coffee. Your mind wanders off to what you were going to do for the rest of the school day, if you had enough groceries in your apartment for dinner or if you should go grocery shopping after work, and if you remembered to pay your bills on time. The bell rings to signify the end of recess, and you jump slightly.

“Ready to go back?” Harry asks, standing up and walking back over to the coffee station. “Think’m gonna get a bit more.” You go to stand by the door, waiting for him to pour another cup of coffee. He quickly rejoins you, and the coffee sloshes a bit, some getting on his hand, but he doesn’t seem to notice. “Hope those lil’ buggers got some of their energy out.”

“Right! Mine was even more hyper than they probably would’ve been ’cause I gave them those donuts this morning,” you laugh. “So, for my sake, I hope so too.” When you and Harry arrive back at the Kindergarten play area, your classes are already lined up quietly awaiting instruction, thanks to the yard teachers. You and Harry both thank them and move to stand in front of your kids. 

“Miss Y/L/N,” one of your children calls out from the back of the line. “Can we get more donuts when we go back inside?” You see Harry smile out of the corner of your eye as he’s giving instruction to his class.

“There are no more donuts, you guys ate them all! I have something even cooler than donuts planned for us, though, okay? Now, remember what I told you all about walking quietly, right? Mr. Line Leader, how does your line look? Do you think we’re all set to go back inside?” The child you appointed line leader turns around to look at everyone, occasionally shushing some people. After a few moments, he turns back to you, giving you a thumbs up. 

Harry moves to stand beside you, leaning down to whisper in your ear. “Wanna eat lunch together and do some planning? I feel like it would be a good idea for us to be teachin’ the same things, more or less.” Your body feels warm all over, and you just look at him and nod, not trusting yourself to speak. Harry smiles and places a hand on your shoulder. At a normal volume, he says, “See you then, Miss Y/L/N.” 

Upon entering Harry’s room, you’re immediately met with the scent of vanilla and the loud hum of the air conditioning. It was bright, adorably decorated, and surprisingly decluttered. It was the polar opposite of your room, and you found it very welcoming and comforting. “Nice set-up you’ve got going on in here,” you tell him. He jumps in his seat at his desk, not having heard you come in.

“Fucks sake,” he mumbles, face going red. “You scared me. Thanks, though. My sister helped me decorate, I don’t really have an eye for this type of stuff.” He rubs the back of his neck, sheepishly. 

“Well, if you ever need any help decorating for back to school and your sister isn’t around, I’d be more than happy to help.” Harry smiles and suddenly gets up from his chair, offering it to you.

“Please, take my seat. I’ll just sit in one of the kids’ chairs,” he rolls it towards you, and you shake your head, about to object, but he interrupts you. “It’s okay, Y/N. Their chairs aren’t that bad.” You take the seat Harry was just in, mumbling a quiet thank you. He hums and pulls a tiny chair up beside you, legs scraping loudly across the floor. When he sits down in it, you can’t but burst out laughing.

“Harry, that chair is so tiny! Are you sure you don’t want me to sit there instead? You look so uncomfortable,” you tell him in between laughs. “This is your classroom, after all, I’m just a guest.” Harry shakes his head, cheeks flushed.

“It’s okay, Y/N, really. ‘M perfectly comfortable in this lil’ miniature chair,” he looks at the lunch bag you sat on his desk. “What’s for lunch?” You reach for your sack and unzip it, pulling out a pre-packaged salad from Trader Joe’s.

“I’m very lazy when it comes to packing my lunches,” you admit sheepishly, pulling out a fork. “How about you? Did you eat already?”

“Oh yeah, I had a green smoothie. Not a big lunch guy,” he replies calmly. “Wanna get started with planning? I think we only have about thirty minutes left.” He looks down at his watch to confirm the time. Harry opens his planner, and you see pages filled with his neat, blocky scrawl. He jumps right into talking about the ideas he had in mind, excitement filling his voice that you haven’t yet heard. 

The passion and enthusiasm he has for teaching are evident through the way he tells you about the activities he has planned, new materials and teaching methods he wants to try implementing, and things he’s tried before that didn’t work out the way he wanted them to. He asks you for your advice and listens intently when you speak, jotting down notes.

You find yourself having to mentally remind yourself not to stare at him. He was a handsome man– there was no denying that. He had curly brown hair, soft and wild-looking, the most beautiful green eyes you’d ever seen, and arms covered in tattoos. You also noticed he had the tiniest cross on his left hand. You wanted to ask him about it, but you figured that was a conversation for another time. 

“Y/N? Did you hear what I just said,” Harry asks, giving you a concerned look. “Are you alright? I think you just zoned out for a couple minutes or somethin’.” You nod quickly, feeling your palms growing sweaty.

“Oh yeah, sorry, I was just thinking about something I have to do later. What did you just say?” You play off how you were just wholly drooling over your new coworker, feeling scrutinized under his piercing gaze.

“Jus’ got an email from the principal. Said we have a faculty meetin’ after school at three. Wanna go together?” He asks. You know Harry’s asking you to accompany him primarily because you’re the only person he really knows so far. However, it still makes you feel warm and special. “He said we’re gonna go over some planning for the Fall Festival. What’s that?”

“Oh, it’s just the back-to-school festival. It’s adorable,” you explain. “It’s like a mini carnival that we have right here on the playground. Every year they have teachers host booths. It’s a great way to get to meet your kids’ parents and bond with the other faculty.” Harry nods, standing up from the tiny chair right as the bell signifying the end of lunch rings.

“That sounds lovely,” he chirps, smiling down at you. “We’re gonna have the best booth out of everyone Y/N, trust me.” He jokes, the corner of his eyes crinkling. This was the most Harry had talked since you met him that morning and you were enjoying witnessing him open up to you more and more with each conversation shared.

“It is,” you stand up as well, gathering your trash and empty lunch pail. “Thanks for having me, Harry. Next time we can meet in my room. I wouldn’t mind making this a daily thing.” As soon as the words came out of your mouth, you physically wince, figuring Harry had to think you were obsessed with him at this point. He looks down, the corners of his mouth upturned when he makes eye contact with you again.

“I’d like that, Y/N. I’ll actually start bringin’ a proper lunch, so you’re not the only one eating,” you smile. “I’ll meet you in your room after school?” You nod in confirmation, walking out the door in front of him. 

“See ya later.”

“Did everyone have a good day today?” You ask your class, walking backward to the dismissal gate. You’re met with a chorus of cheerful sounding ‘yeses,’ and you place your hand over your heart in a dramatic fashion. “That makes me so happy, everyone! You’re all incredible little people, and I think we’re gonna have a fantastic year. What do you guys think?” The children chatter excitedly, glad to have made it through their first day of school and see their parents on the other side of the gate eagerly awaiting them, cell phones snapping pictures. 

Harry’s already at the gate, waiting for the bell to ring so he can dismiss his class. He’s walking down the line asking each of the children if they see who they’re supposed to go home with, crouching down to their height so they can point them out to him. Some children in his class look a little upset because they don’t see their parents yet. Harry quickly consoles them, telling them they can all play a fun game together while they wait for their ‘Mummies and Daddies.’

You do the same with your kids, and by the time the bell rings and you finish dismissing the ones who saw someone there to pick them up, there was one child from your class who was still waiting and two from Harry’s. He walks over to you, one of their tiny hands in each of his. The boy looks unbothered, but the girl was beginning to cry.

“Hey, Ava, should we ask Miss Y/L/N and her friend if they want to play iSpy with us? The more, the merrier, isn’t that right?” He looks down at her, and she nods, looking down. You figure she’s one of his more shy students he was telling you about earlier.

“Hi, sweetie! I’m Miss Y/L/N, are you waiting for your mom or dad?” She nods, biting her lip. You turn and gesture to your one student who was waiting as well. “Well, so is she! Don’t worry, they’ll be here.”

“I’m Matthew,” the little boy holding Harry’s other hand informs you, shifting from foot to foot. You give him a big smile.

“Hello, Matthew! I love your Spiderman shirt; he’s just the coolest. Jade, do you want to introduce yourself to Mr. Styles, Ava, and Matthew? Remember when we learned about introductions today in class? When you got to introduce yourself to all your classmates?”

Jade nods, a big, toothy grin on her face. “Hi! My name is Jade, and I am five-years-old but my birthday is September 19th, so I’m actually almost six-years-old,” she tells them matter-of-factly. “It’s very nice to meet you!” She adds, remembering the script you gave them earlier. Harry looks down at her, an impressed look on his face.

“Well, it is very lovely to meet you too, Jade! Do we all know how to play iSpy?” Jade and Matthew shout in excitement, but Ava just grips tighter onto Harry’s hand. He looks down at her again. “Do y’ want Miss Y/L/N and I to show you how to play, Ava?” His voice is very quiet, slow, and soothing. She nods, letting go of his hand.

“Well Ava,” you say, looking around for something to start the game out with. “I would say, “I spy with my little eye something green. Then you, Mr. Styles, Matthew, and Jade, would have to look around and name out everything that’s green. If you name something and it’s not it, then I will tell you nope, and you can try again, but if you figure it out, then you’re the winner! Does that make sense?”

She nods, and you see a gleam of excitement in her eyes. “Can I go first?” She asks quietly. You tell her, yes, and she looks around quickly, trying to find something to say. “I spy with my little eye something blue!” She has a triumphant smile on her face, and even though you immediately know she’s talking about the sky and you’re sure Harry does too, you both decide to take a step back and let the children take the game into their own hands.

“Y’know, that lil’ introduction Jade gave was really somethin’. I didn’t even think about teachin’ my kids that. Think I’ll try that out tomorrow,” Harry whispers, craning his neck slightly to be at your ear. You shiver at the feeling of his warm breath against your skin. 

“Yeah, I feel like that’s always a good first day of school activity for them to do. A lot of them have never really been exposed to people outside of their immediate family, so they’re not too sure how to talk to others.” Harry hums, standing back up straight.

“Mr. Styles,” Matthew calls, running over to Harry. “My mommy is here. Can I go now?” Harry nods, telling Matthew to wait for him so he can say hi to his mother. You watch as he walks away, overhearing as he tells the boy’s mother what a great job he did today and how he’s so excited to go through this school year with him in his class. Ten minutes later, Jade and Ava are gone as well, and Harry locks the dismissal gate. 

“I forgot how exhausting the first day could be,” he tells you, letting out a quiet sigh. “Ready to go to that meeting, though? It’s just about three.” You check your watch and see the time read at 2:57 PM.

“Yeah, just let me grab my bag, and we can head over there. I’m really hoping this won’t take too long; I was planning on going grocery shopping after this,” you walk down the hall towards your classroom and feel Harry’s gaze on you.

“Where do you like to go grocery shopping?” he asks after a few moments of silence. “I need to pick up some groceries this week, too. ’ve been eatin’ takeout for the past week, and I’m starting to feel like shit.” You laugh, unlocking your door. Harry stands outside, holding it open while you grab your purse and lunch bag.

“Honestly, I don’t have a preference. I switch it up a lot,” you shrug, making sure all the windows are closed before walking out. “Was there something, in particular, you were looking for?”

“Uh,” Harry scratches the back of his head. “No? Maybe you could text me a list of all your favorite stores, though. Jus’ so I won’t forget.”

You quirk an eyebrow at him, ignoring how fast your heart was beating. “Are you asking for my number, Mr. Styles?”

“I guess I am,” he replies nonchalantly. “We’re gonna be workin’ together a lot. Might as well have your number– if that’s okay, I mean.” He looks down at you.

“Yeah, remind me after the meeting,” you tell him, trying your hardest to play it cool. “Don’t let me forget.”

“Trust me, I won’t.”

“So Y/N and Harry, you two will be in charge of the pumpkin decorating booth? Is that right?” The principal looks down at his notes and then shifts his gaze between the both of you. You both nod.

“Yeah, I’m excited! I think it’ll be a lot of fun,” you reply excitedly. “We can go to the craft store and get a bunch of paints, but where do you think the best place to get the pumpkins would be?” You pull out your planner, ready to jot down any suggestions.

“You two could try going to a pumpkin patch? They’re starting to pop-up around town,” one teacher suggests. “I’m sure if you purchased a bunch and told them it was for a school event, we could get some kind of deal.” The rest of the faculty buzzes in agreement.

“Y/N and Harry, could you get to a pumpkin patch sometimes this week and see if they can give us an estimate of how much it would cost? Then I could let the PTA know.” You and Harry confirm that it will be possible to do sometime this week, and the meeting continues on.

By the time you’re finally free to leave the meeting, it’s already growing dark outside. Harry’s hands are shoved in his pockets, and he’s looking down at his feet. “So–”

“Do you want–”

You both stop, laughing awkwardly. “You go first.” you tighten the grip on your purse.

“Uh, I was jus’ gonna ask if I could get your number now. Yanno, so we can plan when we’re gonna go get all the stuff for our booth? And you still gotta tell me what your favorite grocery stores are,” he has a playful look in his eyes. For the thousandth time that day, your hands become clammy. There was just something about every interaction you had with him that made you so nervous. 

“Oh yeah,” you answer coolly, digging in your purse for your phone. “Just text your number, so I have it.” You hand him his phone, and he stops dead in his tracks, a look of concentration on his face. 

“I can’t walk and be on the phone at the same time,” he mutters when he looks back up and realizes you were watching him the whole time. “I don’t know how people do it.” He hands you back your phone. “What were y’ gonna ask me?”

“I was just um, I was gonna ask if you wanted me to give you a ride home? I mean, since you walked to work today and it’ll be dark soon,” talking to Harry made you feel like a nervous school girl interacting with her first crush, and you hated that feeling.

“I couldn’t ask you to do that–”

“It’s no bother, really,” you cut him off, and you realize you sound a little eager, but at that point, you didn’t even care. “I’m sure we don’t live too far from each other.” Harry looks slightly unsure but nods, and you let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding.

“If you’re sure, Y/N. I appreciate it, I owe you one,” he’s following behind you to the teacher parking lot. You silently pray your car isn’t messy inside like it usually is as you approach it. You decide to pick up your pace and walk ahead of him, telling yourself if the passenger side was messy, you’d just quickly throw everything in the back. “Heyyyy, why’re you walkin’ so fast? Are you sure you’ve got the time to take me home?” He takes a few big strides and quickly catches up with your hurried, tiny ones.

“Yeah, of course, I have time,” you respond, unlocking your car as you approach it. “If it’s messy, then just ignore it.” you preface, honestly not remembering the state in which you left your car this morning when you walked into work.

“Don’t worry about it. You should see mine,” Harry jokes, and it immediately puts you at ease. As you’re about to open your door, Harry quickly rushes to your side, opening it himself. “Let me.” 

His hand rests over yours, and you quickly pull it away, your body heating up. “Harry, I’m already right here. I can open my own car door.” 

“I know you can. But I’m a gentle—“ 

“You’re a gentleman, I know,” you playfully roll your eyes and take a step back, allowing Harry to open your car door all the way. You couldn’t lie and say you weren’t flattered and honestly a little bit turned on. He flashes you a smile as you situate yourself behind the wheel of the car and makes sure you’re all the way in before slamming it shut. You see him lightly jog around to the passenger side, and soon enough, he’s beside you, your car immediately starting to smell like his cologne. 

“What music do you like to listen to?” Harry asks, pulling his phone out of his pocket. 

“You ask me a lot of random questions, Harry,” you reply, looking behind you as you slowly back out. 

“Is it a crime to wanna get to know my new coworker?” you can hear a smile in his voice. “C’mon. What’s your favorite music to listen to?” 

You shrug, looking both ways before exiting the parking lot. “Where do you live?” 

“I don’t know my address yet. Just take a left at this light coming up. Favorite music?” Out of the corner of his eye, you see him scrolling through his music library. 

“You don’t know your address yet?” 

“No. I’ll play something random,” he says, tapping his hand on his knee. “You can take a right at that stop sign up there.” You put on your blinker and glance over your shoulder before switching lanes. Harry quickly pairs his phone with your Bluetooth, and a song you’re unfamiliar with blares through your speakers. Neither one of you says anything else, only speaking to each other when he’s giving you directions to his house, and you’re confirming what he said.

After two more songs, Harry says, “S’right up here.” He’s led you to a beautiful apartment complex— one you were looking at when you were moving out of your parent’s home but just couldn’t afford as a new graduate. You expertly parallel park and then turn the car off, a silence falling between the two of you.

“This is a nice complex,” you tell him after a moment. “Really close to school. I see why you opted to walk to work today.” 

“Mhm,” he hums. His seatbelt is still fastened. “I understand if you’re busy, but did you wanna come in?” You raise an eyebrow at him, and he quickly backtracks. “I mean— it’s just— remember the activity you taught your kids today? About introductions? Jus’ wanted to know if you could walk me through it, that’s all.” 

“Oh. Well yeah, I can hang out for a bit.” You unbuckle your seatbelt and reach in the backseat for your purse that you threw haphazardly over your shoulder earlier. 

“Will your boyfriend be okay with you coming in, though?” He’s chewing on the inside of his cheek.

“What makes you think I have a boyfriend?” You’re slightly taken aback and oddly flattered that he thought you were in a relationship.

“I dunno,” his face grows red. “You got all weird when I opened doors for ya. Figured you had a boyfriend.”

“I don’t.”

“Cool.” More silence falls, this time an awkward one.

“Should we go inside now?” you unlock the doors, quickly getting out of the car. Harry follows behind you and waits for you to walk onto the sidewalk before going up the walkway.

“How close do you live to me?” Harry asks, punching in his gate code. He pulls the gate open and gestures for you to go ahead of him. You decide not to comment on it this time.

“A couple blocks away. I could probably walk over here if I was in the mood to,” Harry shuts the gate behind you and walks over to the first set of stairs, taking them two at a time. “I was interested in this complex when I was moving out of my parents’ but I settled on something else.” He hums, stopping in front of the first door at the top of the stairs. There’s a brown ‘Welcome!’ mat outside his door, along with a few potted plants.

“Here we are,” he looks over his shoulder as if he’s checking if you’re still there. “Excuse the boxes. ‘M not done unpacking yet.” He pushes open the door and steps in, quickly turning on the light. You’re met with the same sweet scent of vanilla that’s in his classroom. Considering he was in the process of unpacking, his apartment was reasonably tidy.

“It looks good in here,” your heart felt like it was going to beat out of your chest. You were in your coworker’s house that you just met that day, and you could already feel yourself developing a crush on him. There was obviously no way you’d let this relationship progress past anything strictly professional, but that didn’t mean you weren’t allowed to admire his beauty.

“Thanks,” he gives you a smile, relief washing over his face. “You can set your bag down if you want. Take a seat, make yourself at home.” He leaves the room, and you hear him rattling around in the kitchen. “Can I get you anything to drink? Wine? Coffee? Tea?”

“Coffee sounds great,” you reply. You set your purse down on his coffee table and sit on the edge of his couch, inspecting his living room closer. There were two books on the table, both flipped upside down as a way to mark his page. There were a few more plants inside, similar to the ones in front of his door. There was a framed picture of him with two beautiful women you assumed to be his mother and sister. Harry comes back into the room a few minutes later, two steaming cups of black coffee in hand.

“Here you are, Miss Y/L/N,” he puts on an exaggerated posh accent, and you giggle.

“Why thank you, Mr. Styles,” you respond in the same voice. “Do you have cream and sugar?”

He wrinkles his nose. “I think I might have sugar. Is oat milk, okay? I don’t have cream.” He goes back to his kitchen to retrieve the items before you can tell him it’s okay, and you’ll just drink it black. You thank him, pouring the tiniest splash of oat milk into your coffee. You can feel his eyes on you as you add a bit of sugar, stir, taste, and then add some more.

“So,” you begin after your coffee is made to your liking. “What did you think about your first day? You can be honest since we’re not on campus anymore.” Harry laughs, looking down at his fingernails.

“Uh,” he starts. You notice he says, ‘uh’ a lot. “It was terrific. Not so sure I would’ve felt the same way if I didn’t have you to help me through it.” 

“We’re partners in crime now, Harry. We’re the two Kindergarten teachers, and you’re the only other person there my age? We’ve definitely gotta stick together,” you give him a big smile. He doesn’t smile back but looks a bit troubled instead. You wait for him to speak, coming to accept that long pauses were just a thing when having a conversation with Harry.

“Y’know how I assumed you had a boyfriend earlier? I thought after I’d said that–– rather I hoped after I said that you’d be like,” he clears his throat. “‘Why, no! I don’t have a boyfriend. Do you have a girlfriend?’” He put on the worst American accent you’d ever heard to imitate your voice, causing you to laugh. “To which I would’ve replied with a simple ‘no.’” 

Now it’s your turn to leave Harry wondering what you’re thinking for the first time all day. You can feel his eyes on you as you look at his couch cushions, noticing a bit of crumbs that you hadn’t seen before. “Are you flirting with me?”

“I think you’re beautiful.”

“You don’t even know me. We just met today.”

“Does that mean I can’t think you’re beautiful?”

You bite your lip, feeling yourself starting to grow a bit turned on by his forwardness. There was a part of you that would risk it all for just one night in bed with Harry because you just found him that attractive. The rational, adult side of you was screaming, ‘Don’t mix business with pleasure!’. By now, you had both moved closer on the couch to one another, knees nearly touching. “I think you’re beautiful, too.” He grins, setting his coffee cup down. You do the same.

“Would it be crazy of me to tell you that I really wanna kiss you right now?” His face is mere inches from yours, so close that you could smell the coffee on his breath. You shake your head.

“No. I really wanna kiss you too.”

“C’ mere, then.” 

Harry leans forward a bit more until his lips are ghosting over yours. You pull at the collar of his shirt, bringing his already close body even closer to yours. His lips are softer than they look, and he’s a better kisser than you thought he’d be, too. He brings his hands up to tangle them in your hair, and that’s when you abruptly pull away, not wanting things to go too far. “We shouldn’t…” He looks at you with sad eyes, but he nods, understanding what you mean.

“Probably not the best idea?” his response comes out as more of a question than a statement, but you nod in agreement anyway.

“Definitely not. I’m um–– I’m actually gonna go,” you stand up, slinging your purse over your shoulder. “Thanks for the coffee, Harry. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah, see––”

You’re out the door, rushing down the stairs before he can even finish his sentence.

The rest of the school week goes on without either one of you mentioning it. It’s a little awkward for a couple of days, but by the time Friday rolls around, both of you decide the best course of action to take regarding the kiss would be to act like it never happened. 

You’re in your room at lunch hanging up your kids’ artwork they made during their ‘Free Time’ this morning, having declined Harry’s lunch invitation for the fourth time that week. You decided to pretend to be busy with work so you wouldn’t be too tempted to go into his room. To most people, you’re sure it looked like you were avoiding him–– and maybe you were. However, you were trying to get over this crush on him in the best way that you knew how.

“Need some help?”

You jump, nearly falling backward off the stepstool you were on. “Holy shit, Harry! You scared the hell out of me!” You feel your body getting warm, and you quickly look away, not wanting him to see how flustered you were.

“Sorry, you weren’t answering my texts, so I decided to come see what you were up to,” he walks over to where you were standing and hands you a piece of art, smiling at it before handing it to you. “You’ve got some artists in your class.”

“Mhm,” you hum, not looking him in the eyes. You hear him let out a quiet sigh.

“Still able to go see about getting those pumpkins ordered after work?”

You had completely forgotten that you and Harry decided today would be the day you’d go get the pumpkin situated figured out for your booth. For a second, you consider making an excuse to get out of it, but you decide against it. This was something that both of you were asked to do, not just him, and you didn’t want the fact that you let your attraction to him cloud your judgment getting in the way of your professional responsibilities.

“Yeah, that works.”

He doesn’t say anything, and even though you’re not looking at him, you can see the gears in his head turning. “Should we talk––” 

You’re quite literally saved by the bell, the end of lunch interrupting where you knew he was about to lead the conversation. “I’ll see you after school? Did you walk here again? I can drive.” Harry nods slowly.

“Uh, yeah. he replies. “I walked. Uh, ’m gonna go get my kids. See you after school then?”

“Yup!” you respond, fake enthusiasm in your voice. Harry gives you one more look before walking out of your room. You wait until he’s all the way down the hall before following behind him to bring your class back inside. You knew you were the one making things awkward between you and Harry. However, the realistic part of you knew getting involved with your coworker was one of the worst ideas you’d ever had in your life. For now, you’d just tell yourself that you were probably more into Harry than he was into you and pray that would be enough to make you get over your crush.

“I haven’t been to a pumpkin patch since I was a kid.” Harry stuffs his hands farther into his pockets while yours are tightly hugging your chest. You hum, not saying anything. The car ride there was a little awkward, and you were glad it was so short. You could tell there was a lot Harry wanted to say, but you were glad he wasn’t saying it. You keep seeing him glance at you, but you pretend not to notice.

“What size pumpkins should we ask for? Small ones, huh?” Harry nods, looking around in childlike awe. There was a small petting zoo, booths selling warm drinks and kettle corn, and an obscene amount of children.

You walk around together for a moment before encountering a friendly-looking employee who looked like he could help you out. Harry takes over, explaining the situation, and why you need to order one hundred tiny pumpkins. While you’re waiting for the employee to ask the owner if that would even be possible, Harry turns to face you.

“Y/N? Can we talk about what happened on Monday?” you’re about to tell him that you’d rather not, but he continues. “I felt something during that kiss, Y/N. I’m not sure if you felt it too, but I don’t want things to be awkward between us. We have to get through an entire school year working side-by-side, and if you’re not interested, then I respect that one hundred percent, but I just want––”

“So the owner said that is possible!” The employee that was helping you out comes back with a form and clipboard in their hand. “Can you just fill out some information and let us know what time you need it tomorrow? The owner said he could get it delivered and give you guys a discount since you’re ordering so much.”

“That’s great!” you exclaim, taking the form from him. You were glad to have been saved from your conversation with Harry. You quickly go through and fill out everything you can, telling them they can bill your school’s PTA. 

The walk back to your car is silent. You’re replaying what Harry was saying to you over in your head, thinking about what he was going to say before he was interrupted. He opens your car door like he’s been doing, but he doesn’t make eye contact with you or say a word as he slides into the passenger seat.

“Y’can just drop me off,” Harry says quietly. He leans your seat back and closes his eyes. You wait to see if he’ll connect his phone, but he doesn’t, so you turn on the radio at a volume so low it almost can’t be heard. It takes everything in you not to speed back to his place. You just wanted him out of your car. You had such strong feelings for him that it physically hurt, and restraining yourself from telling him how you really felt was growing harder and harder.

“We’re here.” your voice is a little hoarse from not saying anything. Harry slowly opens his eyes and unbuckles his seatbelt, opening the door.

“Right. Thanks for the ride. What time do we need to be at school to set up our booth by?”

“Four. I can pick you up if you want?”

“Yeah. See you tomorrow, Y/N.” He closes the door and walks up to his gate without looking back at you once.

“Hi Miss Y/L/N! Hi Mr. Styles!”

Groups of your students had been coming up to you excitedly all evening. It made you happy to see that the Kindergarten classes were no longer divided. They were starting to hang out with one another. Their parents tell you how their children thought it was just the coolest thing to be on school grounds on a Saturday, and how even though it was only a week into the school year, they were having the best time. It was comments like this that made you fall in love with your job all over again.

Things between you and Harry were going well. It wasn’t awkward, but you think it was because you were both too busy helping children paint their pumpkins. You were glad that Harry didn’t take the bit of downtime the two of you had when no one was at your booth trying to talk about the kiss and instead talked about other random things instead. You find out he loves baking (specifically, bread), he has an obsession with old music, and has about fifty tattoos. He talks to his mom on the phone every day, and he is extremely close to his sister. You tell him about your parents’, your undergraduate experience, your hobbies, and you finally tell him what music you like to listen to.

The festival quickly comes to an end, and you find yourself sad once you and Harry are done cleaning up your booth, knowing that you were just going to drop him off at his apartment and go back to yours to spend another Saturday night alone. You get to his complex almost too quickly, and you almost want to keep going and pretend you accidentally missed it just to be with him a bit longer. Instead, you park.

“D’ya wanna come inside?” He blurts out. Even in the darkness of your car, you can tell his face is flushed. “I mean if you haven’t got plans. I know it’s a Saturday night, so I understand if––”

“Nope, I don’t have plans. I’d love to.” Your hands are shaky as you unbuckle your seatbelt. He quickly gets out of your car and runs around to your side, opening the door for you before you can do it yourself. You almost don’t even notice since it was becoming such a habit.

“I picked up this new bottle of wine a couple days ago that’ve been wanting to pop open. Think we deserve a glass or two after such a long week, hmm?” You wordlessly nod, wholly mesmerized with just how good Harry looked after such a long day of work. His curls fell perfectly across his forehead, his eyes were sparkling and full of excitement. 

“A glass of wine sounds great,” you reply with a chuckle. “I’m ready to drink a whole bottle by the end of the week if I’m being honest.” Harry laughs, quickly punching in his gate code. You could see his hands shaking a little bit, but you decide not to comment on it. He takes the stairs up to his apartment two at a time like he did last time you were there, but this time there’s an urgency and clumsiness to his actions that you haven’t seen before. He jams the key in his lock, quickly shoving the door open.

His apartment is a little messier than it was when you were in it at the beginning of the week, but it’s nothing disgusting. He runs his fingers through his curls, moving aside papers that were scattered along the length of the couch. “Sorry, I was doin’ some planning. Make yourself comfortable.” He disappears to the kitchen, and moments later, you hear the pop of a wine cork and the smooth sound of him pouring the alcohol into glasses.

He emerges from his kitchen, handing you a generously poured glass of wine. “Thanks, Harry,” you tell him before taking a big sip. It was sweet, and while you usually preferred a more dry wine, it was still delicious. 

“Cheers to the end of a successful first week,” he holds up his glass, and you smile, clinking yours with his. “Thanks for helpin’ me get through it, Y/N. Couldn’t have done it without you.” You give him a timid smile.

“Stop, Harry. You’re a great teacher. I can see your kids love you already,” you take another sip of wine. “I kinda do too. I mean–– that came out wrong. I don’t love you, but I do think I like you.” You didn’t know what came over you at that moment, but something told you now was the time to lay it all out on the table with Harry. He sets his glass of wine down, the biggest smile on his face.

“Really? I thought you weren’t interested. Was kinda startin’ to feel like you hate me,” he sounds a little sad. You shake your head.

“Quite the opposite, actually. I’m really into you,” you didn’t even realize how you’d inched your way towards Harry. “I’ve been trying not to think about how we kissed because we shouldn’t, you know? We’re coworkers. I’ve been trying not to think about it all week, though, and I just can’t get you out of my mind.” He stares intensely into your eyes, chewing on the inside of his cheek like he usually does when he’s thinking.

“Can I kiss you, Y/N?” he finally asks. You’re in the same position as you were last time, being mere inches away from the other’s lips. Only this time, you smell the wine on his breath, not coffee. You nod quickly, and Harry cups your face in his hands, hungrily pressing his lips against yours.

“You can do more than kiss me, actually,” you tell him breathlessly. “You can do whatever you want with me.”

Harry raises an eyebrow, a shocked look on his face. “When you say anything…” he trails off.

“I want you to fuck me, Harry,” you tell him bluntly. “Please. Been wanting that all week.” He licks his lips, looking at you in a way he hasn’t yet before. 

“I can definitely do that,” he replies, resting his hand on your thigh. His large hand is dangerously close to your pussy, and you can already feel yourself growing wet. “Let’s get all these clothes off you then, huh?” 

You stand up and quickly start removing your clothes. First, your blouse comes off, and that’s quickly followed by your bra. Harry’s leaning back on the couch, arms resting behind his head. “Enjoying the show?” you ask, quickly pulling down your jeans and underwear. You’re completely naked in front of him in thirty seconds flat, and you reckon that’s the fastest you’ve ever undressed for anything. 

“Very much so,” he mumbles, palming himself over his khakis. “C’ mere, Y/N.” he pats his lap, and you move to sit in it, now straddling him. He softly presses his lips against yours, the hunger that was there just a moment ago completely dissipated. This was a much more hesitant kiss, more gentle and tender. “You’re really beautiful, Y/N.”

You giggle. “I know. You’ve told me that before.”

“I want you to know how much I mean it.”

“I know you do.”

Harry nods. “Can I have a taste of ya now?” you notice that his accent sounds a bit thicker than usual, voice a tad gruffer. You nod, swallowing thickly. Climbing off Harry, you lay back on the couch, situating yourself, so it’s a little more comfortable. He looks into your eyes, placing his hands on your knees. “Is this okay, Y/N?” You nod again, and he removes his hands.

“What’s wrong?” your voice has a hint of desperation in it, but after a week of extreme sexual tension, you wanted nothing more than to cum by the hands of this man.

“Wanna hear you tell me it’s okay. I don’t wanna do anything you don’t want,” he’s looking down at his hands.

“Harry, I wouldn’t have given you a striptease and laid back on this couch for you if I didn’t want it. I wholeheartedly give you permission to do whatever you want with me––”

That’s enough for him. He roughly pries your legs open, immediately licking a long stripe up your heat. You cry out, not expecting him to get right into it. You look down at him and groan when you see he’s making eye contact with you, a smug look on his face. “How’s tha’, love?” You nod, tangling your hands in his curls.

“Yeah Harry, please,” you moan. Harry sucks harshly at your clit, pulling off loudly, the sound echoing throughout his minimally furnished apartment.

“Please what, pet?” He’s looking you dead in the eyes, a devilish grin on his face while his index finger rubs small circles on your clit. Your chest is heaving up and down quickly as you try to calm your breathing down.

“Please make me cum on your tongue, Harry,” you try pushing his head back down to your cunt, but he doesn’t budge.

“Think I rather like hearin’ you beg like this fo’ me. Enjoyin’ watching you squirm like tha’, love.” Just as your about to beg for him some more to feed his inflated ego, he attaches his lips to your clit once more, this time adding his ring finger into your tight pussy. “You’re tight. Sure you’ll be able to take my cock?” His voice is muffled, and you just barely make out what he says.

You clench around his finger, and he laughs, the vibrations sending a new sensation across your clit. “Y’like thinkin’ about my cock, hmm?”

“Yeah, want you in me,” you beg, lifting your hips up. He grips onto your hips tightly, keeping you in place.

“Can feel yeh gettin’ ready for me, darlin’. Think you can take another one?” You nod, and Harry gently places kitten licks on your swollen clit while he slowly pushes his middle finger into you. You feel full in a way you haven’t felt in such a long time, and he only had two fingers in you. Once he pumps his fingers in and out of you a few times, he goes back to harshly sucking on his clit, moaning every so often so you can feel the vibrations against your cunt.

“Fuck,” you’re moaning loudly, and you pray Harry’s neighbors don’t hear you, knowing how thin apartment walls were.

“So fuckin’ wet for me, doll,” he mutters, adding another finger inside you. The burn feels amazing, and you place your hand on his wrist, urging him to go faster. “Gonna cum in my mouth, hmm? Gonna let me feel ya around m’ fingers?”

“Yes, please, Harry,” you feel yourself nearly there, your orgasm threatening to overtake you at any moment. 

“Give it to me then, Y/N. Cum for me,” he demands. As soon as he says those three words, you’re done for, your body going tense as waves of pleasure roll throughout your body. He doesn’t remove his digits from the your cunt until you’re coming down from your high, placing a kiss to your clit. He laughs as you shudder at the overstimulation. Harry places his three fingers that were just inside of you and his mouth and sucks on them, not once breaking eye contact with you. 

“That was really good,” you tell him, crawling on your knees towards him to place a kiss on the underside of his jaw—Harry’s beaming, a triumphant look on his face.

“Not yet. Gotta make y’ cum one more time. I’m a gentleman, after all.” You know he’s messing with you but also serious, so you lean back on the couch, opening your legs once again.

“Are you gonna take off your clothes too? Why am I the only one that’s naked?” Harry laughs, and you hear the clanking of his belt as he undoes it. 

“You’re impatient, aren’t ya?” you nod, and he pulls down his tenting khakis and tight boxers. His cock springs up, slightly touching his stomach, and he hisses at the feeling. “Hold on a sec.” He gets up quickly, and you hear him hurry to what you assume in the bathroom, rummaging around. He comes back a minute later with a box of condoms, making you laugh.

“Is that a new box of condoms? Have you been holding onto those all week, Mr. Styles?” Harry rolls his eyes and opens the box, ripping open a condom expertly with his teeth.

“Weren’t you just the one beggin’ for me, pet? I’d watch it if I were you,” he jokes, rolling the condom onto his hard length. He leans down to place wet, opened mouth kisses to your breasts. “So beautiful.”

“Are you gonna take off your shirt?” you ask quietly. “I kinda wanna see all your tattoos.” Harry raises an eyebrow at you but unbuttons his shirt nevertheless, throwing it into the mess of clothes scattered around the living room. You reach your hand up, shakily tracing the swallows on his chest, moving down to the butterfly across his stomach and finally to the ferns on his abdomen. Harry’s staring down at you, watching as you delicately touch his skin. “You have so many.” you finally say. He nods.

“Yeah. Some of them I just got for the hell of it. Felt like after I got that first tattoo, it was hard to stop.” He caresses the skin on your thighs, and you shudder again. “Gonna let me get inside that pretty lil’ cunt now?”

“Please.”

Harry aligns himself with your entrance and slowly pushes into you, sharply inhaling as you clench around his length. “Relax, Y/N.’ve got ya,” he tells you reassuringly. “Can’t get inside ya if you’re all tense like tha’.” You can tell Harry’s trying his hardest not to absolutely wreck you, the vein in his forehead very prominent from clenching his jaw so tightly. You grip tightly onto his bicep, biting your lip as you adjust to his size. You were so wet and indescribably turned on that you felt every vein his thick cock had to offer, and you knew you wouldn’t last long once he started moving. By the looks of it, Harry wouldn’t either.

“You can move,” you tell him, squeezing your eyes shut. Harry slowly pulls out of you and then ever so gently sinks back inside you, bottoming out. He lets out a breathy moan, moving one of his hands up to tweak your nipples. “Harder, Harry, fuck.” 

He immediately pulls out of you and slams back inside, the sounds of his balls slapping against your ass echoing in the room. You scream in pleasure, no longer caring if his neighbors hear what you two were doing. 

“Like tha’?” He asks cheekily, working up a steady rhythm. You nod, gripping your boobs to keep them from bouncing. Harry shakes his head, forcefully removing your hands. “Nope, none of that. Wanna see ’em.” He takes both of your hands in one of his, pinning them up over your head. His other hand reaches in between your bodies to rub at your clit, and before you have time to warn him, you’re cumming again, squirting all over his cock. 

Harry throws his head back in pleasure, his thrusts getting sloppy and frantic, and you know he’s seconds away from his own orgasm. You spur him on, telling him how badly you wanted him to come inside of you (even though he was wearing a condom). He stills moments later, shaking above you as he holds himself up with an arm, not wanting to collapse on top of you.

“Fuckin’ hell, Y/N. Why did we wait a whole week to do this again?”

[sheikah]

Do u have any book series recommendations? Or standalone books? Preferably fantasy w good romance

I do! I am not as well-read in fantasy or romance books as I'd like to be. I read a lot in my youth, completely abandoned "reading for pleasure" throughout college and grad school because I was working the whole time, and then for the first few years of teaching was too overwhelmed with grading to read on the side. I'm FINALLY getting back into it. But here are some book recs I've checked out recently that have fantasy, romance, or both :)

I feel like if you're on my blog at all that you're at least aware of Leigh Bardugo's work and the Grishaverse, so I won't recommend those. But I will be comparing some of the pairings to Darklina, so I hope you have that frame of reference. And of course, if you haven't read those, get on it!

First off is the Ember in the Ashes series by Sabaa Tahir. It's a fantasy that follows three main characters--Laia, Elias, and Helene--and the war they're involved in. It's got lots of high fantasy goodies and at least two really good ships. I loved it and cried many times reading it. It hasn't even been a year since I finished and I'm already considering a reread. Definitely my favorite thing I've read in the last couple years!

Right now I'm reading Uprooted by Naomi Novik. It's a standalone fantasy where a young girl is sent to live with an immortal sorcerer as payment for his protection of her village. A fun fantasy atmosphere and slow-burn enemies-to-lovers romance. I'm absolutely loving it. The ship really reminds me of Darklina so I'm completely sold.

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by VE Schwab. This is a standalone fantasy about a woman who is cursed to be forgotten by everyone she meets. It has a dark romance in it and is a really fun and original concept. I liked this book but did find it really slowed down after the opening. Give it time, though! I think the author's style is really beautiful and when I was put on the spot to recommend a book to Ben Barnes, I picked this one lmao.

Normal People by Sally Rooney is not a fantasy but IS a really realistic and heartfelt romance that just enthralled me and broke my heart. I read it in a day and instantly binged the Hulu series. Highly recommend.

From Blood and Ash by Jennifer Armentrout. Ok so my recommendation of this one has some caveats. I'm absolutely obsessed with the first book. Like it's just amazing and so addictive and sexy. The second book is also good. But by the third book I've found her writing to be unbearably repetitive. I haven't been able to finish the third book and it's planned as a six-book series. Idk how to feel about that. But her characters and world are really interesting and the smut is delicious. The first book at least is absolutely worth a read.

The Folk of the Air series by Holly Black. Another fun fantasy romance with enemies-to-lovers goodness. It's set in a faerie world and combines the modern world with a fantasy world, which is a trope I really like. The characters are great--especially the POV heroine--and the romance is really cute and intriguing.

A Thousand Pieces of You by Claudia Gray. This one is definitely more of a teen/YA (though a few others on this list are, too. This one just really FEELS like it) but I really liked it. It's not fantasy so much as sci-fi, with an enemies-to-lovers romance. The MC's parents develop the technology to jump between different dimensions. When her parents are murdered, she has to chase the suspect from dimension to dimension but along the way she starts to see him differently and fall in love with him. It's a trilogy. I'm also gonna tell you what I have on my TBR because these are things that have been highly recommended to me by people whose taste I trust haha. Every one of these is either a fantasy or sci-fi romance series or standalone:

The Winternight Trilogy by Katherine Arden (this is what I'm reading next. Came highly recommended when I asked for something like Darklina but with a better ending haha).

The Winner's Trilogy by Marie Rutkowski

Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik (standalone)

These Violent Delights by Chloe Gong (currently two books are out)

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern (standalone)

Defy the Stars by Claudia Gray (trilogy)

Blood Heir by Amélie Wen Zhao (currently two books are out, will be a trilogy)

Deathless by Catherynne Valente (standalone)

Hope you like some of these!

[bob-events]

Friendship Bonanza Prompt List!

International Friendship Day is right around the corner, and our AO3 collection is going out to our authors any minute! That means we are excited to announce the prompt list for the friendship bonanza - which we have hidden under the “keep reading” because it’s ridiculously long. If you’d like to make a “gift” for any of the prompters, you are welcome to, and we just ask that you either post it to the AO3 collection and tag them (but please mark it as a “gift fill”) or post it on Tumblr and tag them AND us so we can share it! Happy Friending

@nowinnablewar AO3: unseelieCollapsar Will Accept: Fanfic, Other types of media Prompt 1: Skip bounces ideas off Easy Company for the letter he wants to send to Faye. Prompt 2: Easy Company craft a plan to get back at Sobel without getting caught. Prompt 3: A Yank staff correspondent (Reader or OC) interviews the officers at the Eagle's Nest. Prompt 4: Three Musketeers AU with Toye, Luz, Guarnere, and Buck

@softspeirs AO3: sunlightdances Will Accept: Fanfic, Fanart, Other types of media Prompt 1: Speirs being soft (either gif moments from the show, art of your choice, or platonically with a canon character, or paired with an OC!) Prompt 2: Nixon + "I wish I didn't care about it" - gifs showing him caring about other characters canonically or fic with platonic friendship or background romance with an OC Prompt 3: Lipton being Easy's Mom and Dad. Fanart, a fic of a missing scene, or gifs from the show! (Post-war AU feat. a background romance is also ok too) Prompt 4: Any happy, smiley moments between Easy boys. Gifs of happy moments, fanart, or a fic of a moment we didn't see on the show! DNW: Character/character slash fic, modern AU

@serasvictoria AO3: Caren80 Will Accept: Fanfic, Other types of media Prompt 1: Chuck and Babe are supposed be doing guard duty at Membury airfield. Chuck takes Babe to a pub instead (this genuinely happened by the way). Prompt 2: It’s Christmas and since Easy is still stuck in Bois Jacques in Belgium, Joe Liebgott decides to share a Hershey bar with Chuck and Tab as a present. Prompt 3: We all know that Luz and Perconte ended up in a barn to steal eggs, but what happened before that scene? Who even came up with the idea to begin with? Prompt 4: It’s 1946 and word reaches Bill that Joe Toye is really struggling with the loss of his leg. He decides to show up at Joe’s place unannounced with Babe and together they will do their utmost to make sure that Joe cracks a smile. Prompt 5: After hearing Joe say that he could use some brass knuckles right before D-Day, Bill finds some for him.

@josephtoye AO3: corawrites Will Accept: Fanfic Prompt 1: Joe Liebgott & Floyd Talbert, one is trying to set the other up, or some other banter-y kind of situation Prompt 2: Johnny Martin & Bull Randleman, any historical AU Prompt 3: Buck Compton & Joe Toye, do with that what you will Prompt 4: Shifty Powers & Carwood Lipton, anything wholesome DNW: Any other characters, angst is okay provided it has a happy ending, no romantic pairings please

@churchkey AO3: churchkey Will Accept: Fanfic, Fanart Prompt 1: Don Malarkey & Skip Muck. Canon-era. Don's not in love with Skip , he just wants to spend the rest of his life with him. Maybe the two of them talking about their plan for being "together" (as besties) after the war. Maybe some cute "I've never told anyone else this before" intimate self-revelations. Maybe Don's reaction to Winters splitting them into different platoons. Basically I just want any chapter in the epic love story of their friendship. Prompt 2: Don Malarkey & Skip Muck Post-War Fix-It. Don's the best man at Skip and Faye's wedding, wondering how this is going to change things and if anyone will over love him the way Skip loves Faye (bonus points for background Don/Joe [Toye that is]; pining, long-distance flirting, whatever) Prompt 3: Dick Winters & Harry Welsh. Post-VE Day. Dick is crestfallen after Nix leaves. Harry feels bad for him. He really does. He's also kind of like "now you know how it feels, don't ya?" Still, he hates to see his friend suffer. Just a couple of sad, lovelorn bastards being miserable together. Prompt 4: Dick Winters & Kitty Grogan/Welsh. Post-war or Modern AU (hence you decide if she takes Harry's name). Would super love these two just doing some GBF things together, shopping, getting coffee, complaining about their husbands and trading gardening tips. Maybe the convo gets a little spicy after dark. Maybe they've each got some private dilemma the other helps to solve. Or maybe they just wander around a flea market looking for good deals on Fiestaware. Prompt 5: Lewis Nixon & Harry Welsh. Post-War. ROADTRIP! (Bonus for background Winnix but it's not necessary). DNW: anything sci-fi/fantasy; OCs; xReader; Tab

@how-are-those-nuts-sarge AO3: whoahersheybars_3up3down Will Accept: Fanfic, Fanart, Other types of media Prompt 1: Historian AU - one character worked at a museum/was a historian before the war and geeks out over a few things while deployed to their friends = any character/s. Prompt 2: Penmanship - one character has lovely handwriting, but something/s hit them HARD during the war and they write much less pretty; with one of their friends' support, however, their hand steadies and they heal (lotsa metaphors there I know 😅) = any character/s. Prompt 3: Chess - one character teaches the other to play chess = any character/s. Prompt 4: Bicycle - one character finds a tandem bicycle in Austria and convinces the other to go on a ride with them = any character/s. Prompt 5: Anything with Bill & Babe, Malarkey & Skip & Penkala, or Dick & Nix, I love their friendship dynamics so much.

@speirstookmysoul AO3: speirstookmysoul Will Accept: Fanfic, Fanart, Other types of media Prompt 1: mentor/mentee bonding Prompt 2: shoulder clasps Prompt 3: overdramatic arguments about non-important subjects Prompt 4: "getting mistaken as family and not correcting whoever’s mistaken”

@kmorecoffee AO3: vintagelavenderskies Will Accept: Fanfic, Fanart Prompt 1: gene and renee: diasastrous, chaotic cookie decorating! the rest of the gang can be involved too for extra chaos because who doesn't love chaos. anyways: gene and renee try to make holiday cookies but something goes awry. too much salt and not enough sugar? distracted and accidentally burn the cookies? luz plays a practical joke and switches out sugar for salt? go crazy! Prompt 2: gene and renee: stargazing!!! all the stargazing :) just two friends, vibing, talking about life and whatever comes to mind Prompt 3: can be modern au: chaos in the coffee shop! just the gang's shenanigans at the local coffee shop. mayhaps there's an ongoing bet of how long it takes luz to get banned? DNW: speirs. i mean, i guess he can be like mentioned or featured. but not too much speirs.

AO3: Muccamukk Will Accept: Fanfic, Fanart Prompt 1: Renee & Augusta/Anna: Any backstory about how/if they knew each other before, their different points of view on things. AU where Renee doesn't die and what they do after the war. Would prefer racism not be the focus of the story, though it can be an element. I like it when there's queer characters and romance isn't the focus. Prompt 2: Winters & Guarnere: Something with them getting to know/respect each other better set early in their relationship, especially between Day of Days and Bastogne. They have such different outlooks, but in the end very similar values, and I'd love to see that explored. Maybe they get stuck together and have to survive? Prompt 3: Randleman & Garcia: I'd love to see more of Bull mentoring the replacements, especially Garcia, and how their relationship changes as the replacements get combat experience and integrate with the company. Would love to see growing respect for each other. I like it when there's queer characters and romance isn't the focus. Prompt 4: Guarnere & Martin: They have matching tattoos! They got in so much trouble with each other and were so ride or die even post war! Bill went to Martin's wedding! Pat and Frannie wrote too each other during the war. I would love them getting to know each other, or small moments of affection. Or just write about Pat and Frannie. That's fun too. Or Bill & Bull & Johnny. Or Bill & Joe Toye. Basically any configuration of this is great! Prompt 5: Powers & McClung: Basically them chilling in the woods silently understanding each other? Healing through chilling in the woods? Comparing their experiences as country boys on opposite sides of the country? Post war stuff where Shifty's so badly hurt and Earl's PTSD? I like it when there's queer characters and romance isn't the focus. DNW: Focus on character death (mention of canon stuff is fine), graphic sexual violence, hopeless endings of utter sadness, character bashing, zombies, AUs that change the setting (turn left AUs fine, AUs that add magic etc fine). PoV characters having strong racist or homophoic views.

@papersergeant-pencilsoldier AO3: papersky_pencilstars Will Accept: Fanfic, Fanart, Other types of media Prompt 1: Airborne OT5 (Liebgott, Grant, Mcclung, Ramirez, Babe) missing scenes - can be fluffy or angsty (fallout from Chuck getting shot?), dealer's choice! Prompt 2: Mortar Trio - Early days at Camp Taccoa Prompt 3: Dukeman & Perconte & Tab (bonus Trigger?) teasing the replacements Prompt 4: Renée LeMaire  & Gene Roe- (everybody lives AU) connect postwar (I would die if this was a letter fic, but it absolutely does not have to be!) DNW: webgott (platonic or romantic background)

Prompter # 11 Will Accept: Fanfic Prompt 1: Dick, Nix, and Harry being involved in some shenanigans during their downtime in Mourmelon. Prompt 2: Bill and Babe reminiscing and sharing Philly stories. Prompt 3: The friendship between Smokey and Lip because I think it deserves more hype :) DNW: Nothing NSFW

@dansssks​ AO3: danesaber Prompt 1: Dick & Nix: The time they offered to protect Kitty for ice cream and Vat 69. Prompt 2: Spina/Babe/Gene: College AU? Prompt 3: Spina & anyone: They show Spina all their booboos Prompt 4: Mortar Squad: Any au, cannon or modern Prompt 5: Harry and Moose: Go sheep shopping as a present for Winnix on their new farm.

@anthrobrat AO3: anthrobrat Will Accept: Fanfic, Fanart Prompt 1: Any of the Last Patrol OT5 (Chuck, Babe, Lieb, McClung, Ramirez) owning a business together - coffeshop, bar, accounting firm? Don't care. Can either be a post-war or modern AU setting. Prompt 2: Skinny Sisk and anyone being bros during the war. Maybe him and Frank deleted scenes in Bastogne fox holes Prompt 3: Shifty & McClung shenanigans during leave. The cat story is hilarious, and I'm sure there are more, and I just love these two because they are so calm and collected but McClung is a total wild card. I would also take a modern AU of them being besties. Prompt 4: Shifty and Popeye being best friends after the war maybe? I just imagine them at each other's weddings being disasters. I would also take the two of them as friends in a modern AU Prompt 5: Any friendship prompt that gives life to the lesser known characters would be awesome imo. DNW: Speirs or Lipton as main protagonists.

Prompter # 13 Will Accept: Fanfic, Fanart Prompt 1: shifty powers and floyd talbert - mermaid/fisher au Prompt 2: babe heffron x reader - ice hockey/team manager Prompt 3: dick winters x reader - college au! tutor au Prompt 4: easy company boarding school au DNW: pwp/smut

@mercurygray AO3: mercurygray Will Accept: Fanfic, Fanart, Other types of media Prompt 1: Harry + Nixon - marriage, divorce, and everything in between. Prompt 2: Shifty + Smokey - Guess we're not in Kansas anymore - or Mississippi, or Virginia. Prompt 3: Tab + Grant - Chuck's really just here to keep Tab out of trouble. Prompt 4: Bill + Babe - First jump's the hardest - and while the jump into Holland is easy, what comes after it is not. Prompt 5: Tipper + Luz -  Tipper's pretty good at impressions, too. DNW: Liebgott and Webster (as a unit; individually they're fine.)

@lyselkatz AO3: Lysel Will Accept: Fanfic Prompt 1: Any group shenanigans/friendship fluff including Skip, Smokey, Nix, Bull. Prompt 2: "The guys are stranded on base without pass (or requisitioned to work overtime to meet an important deadline/exams, if modern AU) Prompt 3: Smokey does his best to cheer his brothers up with his peculiar brand of silly (Valentine) gifts. Extra ❤ if Skip and George offer their help. Chaos and ensemble fluff ensue. (+ playing Cupid/background ships if you like)" Prompt 4: "Lieb and Hoobs are bored so they decide to troll Web. Since it's valentine's day soon they'll play crack!cupid for fun. Prompt 5: Web is a shark nerd and Pat has a great shark smile. Infallible logic, right? (Input from the other guys /ensemble shenanigans are welcome)" DNW: Nothing I can think of, since it's a friendship fest

Prompter #16 Will Accept: Fanfic, Fanart, Other types of media Prompt 1: found family taking care of each other (feat. liebgott being happy and content <3) domestic fluff Prompt 2: anything fluffy coffee shop AU or flower shop or tattoo parlour or bakery or anything along those lines Prompt 3: university AU but they are the professors! DNW: webgott, fantasy AUS, omegaverse, mpreg, anything mafia related, not too much angst

Prompter #17 Will Accept: Fanfic, Fanart Prompt 1: Era switch: take the boys and put them in the Vietnam War. WWI? The Korean War? The American Revolution? Any conflict that you're comfortable with. Prompt 2: The Pacific AU? Put the BoB men in the Pacific. How they get there or why they are there is all up to you. Maybe their parachute infantry regiment was simply assigned to the PTO instead of the ETO after training. Maybe Japan didn't surrender as quickly as they did. Anything. Prompt 3: Supernatural AUs are my favorite. Preferably I'd love to keep them based in the WWII era, but you can switch it up if you'd like to -- I'd be fine with that! Any type of supernatural is cool with me. I'm aware this might be super vague but I really don't mind whatever you go with :) Prompt 4: Role-switching scenarios: putting men from within the series in each others' positions. DNW: Romantic shipping, characters (Cobb, Sobel, any higher ranking officers above Winters like Sink), modern-day AUs, aged-down AUs (high school/middle school/college with the purpose of aging down = no); a/b/o trope; nsfw (no sexual material; show-level gore okay).

@mariamegale AO3: mariamegale Will Accept: Fanfic, Fanart Prompt 1: Babe and Julian being best friends. They are snarky, excited, happy and having a good time together. Bonus if their boyfriends are Eugene and Spina, accordingly! Prompt 2: Baberoe. They're dating, but they're dating their own best friends. With romantic feelings taking the back seats, I'd love to see a healthy relationship of two people in love but doing normal platonic things because they're also each others' best friends in the whole world! Prompt 3: Roe and Spina being tired doctor friends, meeting up in between shifts or calls, being tired and exasperated and just having their sandwiches and a moment of god damn peace. Prompt 4: George Luz and Babe Heffron being best friends. They'd be a disaster, but that disaster that also knows how to step the fuck up if shit gets serious. But mostly they're a disaster. Prompt 5: Joe Liebgott and Eugene Roe. They're roommates, they're pals, Joe likes smoking weed, playing mario kart and complaining about whatever dipshit he's gone out with now, Eugene is trying to make it through med school and enjoys the soothing background chatter of Joe blabbering on about this guy's shirt, or whatever. DNW: Canon era (Ambiguous era is fine if you don't like writing/drawing modern!), Carwood Lipton, OCs, xReader stuff

@mizunoir AO3: mizunoir (but I use 49thpersona for reblogging stuff) Will Accept: Fanfic, Other types of media Prompt 1: Hogwarts AU! Would be lovely if it would include Babe. I leave it up to the artist if they would like to portray one specific house endeavours or all 4 houses befriending. Prompt 2: Stargazing, can be set in modern times or in the original timeline. For angsty interpretation it would be nice to read/see some Eugene and Spina bonding. Prompt 3: Stargazing (original timeline or modern times). For more crack-ish one it could include for example: Luz, Toye, Guarnere, Babe etc. But I leave it absolutely open - include whoever you want! Boys share their music taste. Bickering and reminiscing of the good times free of war ensues. Can be platonic, can be slightly shippy, AU or modern - up to the artist. Preferably including Babe with Eugene.

@thrillingdetectivetales AO3: ThrillingDetectiveTales Will Accept: Fanfic, Fanart, Other types of media Prompt 1: Bill & Babe: Bill talks Babe through gay panic about his extremely obvious crush on one John T. Julian, convinces him to ask Julian out, and demands to officiate their wedding (not necessarily in that order) Prompt 2: Harry & Nix (with bonus Buck?): commiserating about trying to keep Dick out of trouble Prompt 3: Blanche Nixon & Ann Winters: they know each other because their idiot brothers are """"friends"""" but they both know what's up and cover for Dick and Nix at various times throughout their lives Prompt 4: Kitty Grogan & Franny Guarnere & Pat Martin: they meet because their fellas are on the line together and keep each other sane throughout the war Prompt 5: Floyd Talbert is everyone's best buddy DNW: No mpreg/pregnancy in general, no rape/non-con (dub-con like drunk!sex or sex pollen or hatesex is fine), no modern AUs, no ABO/dynamics, no kidfic.

Prompter #21 Will Accept: Fanfic, Fanart Prompt 1: Speirs & Shames: These stern, "unlikable" men are just not very social or nice, but they get each other. Outcast gay solidarity. Prompt 2: Kitty & Nixon/Winters: Nixon and/or Winters gets to meet Harry's special girl at last. Harry's made her sound like the romantic lead of a novel and really cool, and they are completely unprepared for the tall, awkward chess club captain. Prompt 3: Babe & Guarnere: Post-war readjusting of a friendship. Disability, marriage, kids on the way, Babe is gay. You know, the usual. DNW: xReader, OCs, hopeless angst, AUs, heavy focus on heterosexuality

@aloraundomiel AO3: ElfLadyArwen Will Accept: Fanfic, Fanart Prompt 1: Dick admires Eugene’s medical skill and always shows interest in learning from him while he’s on the job. Eugene uses it to his advantage, making sure Dick takes care of himself (because shaving doesn’t count) under the guise of ‘teachable moments.’ Any battlefield setting would work. Prompt 2: Nix and Harry are joined at the hip, two class clowns who wind each other up.  When one gets them into deep trouble, the other one is always there to get them out again. Prompt 3: Dick Winters is jealous of Ronald Spiers ruthlessness/ability to detach and athletic prowess. Ronald Spiers is jealous of Dick’s empathy and ability to earn loyalty through compassion. Each man agrees to give the other lessons in order to be more well rounded leaders. DNW: Please no Blithe. Never Blithe. You can leave out Compton too.

@bandofmorons AO3: bandofmorons (pseud for sonsofmahal) Will Accept: Fanfic Prompt 1: Babe & Lieb friendship!! I don't have a ton of specifics for this, I just want them being friends and getting into shenanigans but also being supportive of each other... like they're just guys bein' dudes but they're also pretty close ya know! They take care of each other when they need to! Ideally this would be a modern AU, maybe they're college roommates or something? Prompt 2: But mostly I just want to see them goofing off but also being helpful when shit goes down or something, because that's what friends are for. Prompt 3: Some kind of traveling AU with the 5 officers (Winters, Nix, Harry, Lip and Speirs) all as friends and how going on a big trip like that can strain a friendship when something goes wrong or just from people being tired from traveling so much... maybe it's a cross-county roadtrip, maybe it's spring break in Europe, maybe they're going backpacking in New Zealand or something.. I just wanna see how all those 5 boys' different personalities interact on a big logistical venture! Prompt 4: I'm not picky about who necessarily but I want to see Webster getting close to & forming a close friendship with someone in Easy! I feel like in the show/fandom he gets a bad rap for being pretentious (which, fair) but I think it would be awesome to see him becoming good friends with someone and feeling more accepted among the company bc of it. This could be a canon-compliant thing or it could be a modern AU where the boys are all friends. Background Webgott would also be cool as long as Lieb is supportive of Web befriending more people. DNW: explicit sex

[vanchlo]

The Partner / Chapter Two, “One Step Closer”

Word Count: 10k words /  Story Masterlist /  Read The Assistant /  Read on Wattpad /  *College resumes for me this coming week so chapters will, once again, be random* /  Song: Love Is On The Radio by McFly

“You’re weak. Everybody is. Everybody fails. Maybe this evil did bring you back, but if it did, it’s because it needs you. And that means that you can hurt it.”

- Buffy the Vampire Slayer  |  3x10 - “Amends”

It had been bothering me all morning, ever since Harry’s comment. If I was telling myself the truth, it had been gnawing away at the insides of my brain for longer than that. 

There was so much inside of me telling me that his suspicion was right when all I wanted was for it to be wrong. If I was doing that truth thing again, of course, there was a remaining part of me that wanted it to be right, but it was miniscule at best. No more was said about it after that, but that fact in itself only made it harder to forget. Even if I had wanted to speak to him about it, he had been in partner meetings all day. I knew he was due for lunch here soon, and that’s what led me to run a quick errand before then, nabbing the car keys from his right drawer where he always left them for occasions like this. 

I certainly didn’t think that this was how it would be happening, at Harry’s firm of all places. Our firm? Guilt seeped under my skin the second I had put my plan into action, well aware that he had no idea what I was doing. Tears had been close all day long, since the time those joking words had left his lips. Sure, the blame went to him on that, but I couldn’t have known what it would lead to, either. Even he didn’t. We both could deserve the blame for this entire thing, if it turned out to be true. 

The second it’s done, I find that I can’t get myself to follow through. The closest thing I’ve felt to relief all day comes when I see my watch reads one o’clock. It feels like every person I pass knows my secret, despite that being an impossibility and more. The only person who could have the smallest inkling is the person whose door I stop in front of, because I’m not sure how I can do this. Or, that I can. I’ve surprised myself by getting this far in my plan. 

When the door opens for me, I can’t decide whether I feel lucky that he made the next decision for me. “Hi, bug. How’s yer mornin’ been? ‘ve missed you, y’know. Oh, whatcha got there? Did ya get me lunch?” his words couldn’t be sweeter. Neither could his hand that brushes against my cheek, sliding down my arm next. Alarms blare inside of me, yelling to tell him while others repeat the opposite. I don’t know why, but doubt floods me within milliseconds. I know that he wouldn’t be upset, but then how come I suddenly worry that he would be? “Ev’rythin’ okay, Becks?”

“I-I . . ,” I try and my failure is almost immediate. The only thing that I succeed at is pushing him back into his office, and closing the door. 

“Becks, what’s wrong, love?” urgency shines through in his voice. It’s the last thing that I can find, in my hand or my lips. My name graces my ears a few times more as I stare at the floor, not knowing how I could ever say this. Not just that, unsure of how I can make the next move, knowing that it very well may change my life from this moment on. His, too. 

“I-I can’t do it, Harry.”  

Three Weeks Earlier . . 

The sound of the wooden door finding its hinges is deafening, ringing throughout the historic hallway. His booming footsteps may be even louder as I try to follow them, but his legs are just too damn long. I’m not sure if I want to even follow him, knowing what’s about to happen.

“What tha fuck was that?” he spits at me, malice laced throughout his words. I thought at least he’d wait until the car, but I guess not. Fuck me, and not in a good way. 

“Can we not do this here?” my attempt at a whisper is pathetic. When he whips around, making me stop suddenly, I wish I’d never said anything. 

“Do what? Talk ‘bout how you jus’ made us lose our fuckin’ case?” Harry retorts. Hanging my head low, I keep it that way as I walk around him. It’s not that easy though, or so I find, as I walk past them. All of the other lawyers waiting, as if in the dugout, outside the doors to Courtrooms 11, 12, and 13. “‘Cos you did, y’know that, right?” Wow, thanks for the fucking audience, Harry. 

“How was I supposed to know they had that evidence, Harry?” my words are explosive, but they’re nothing compared to his eyes. If you slapped a long haired wig on him and made him clean shaven, it’d be just like four years ago. He hadn’t always stayed away though, especially not when he had been drinking, but it had been a while since that. Nearly a year. Then, why now? 

“We knew ‘bout it, so you should’ve planned fer it, Becks.”

“I did my best, Harry,” I mutter under my breath, pointing my eyes at him. Why was he acting like this, so entitled and . . not like my Harry?

“Ya, well ‘s not good enough,” he replies curtly with a nasty curl to his lips, disgust painting his face. I make the mistake of lifting my head, catching the last second of wandering gazes before they pretend like they weren’t watching our spat unfold. “Let’s go befo’ dinner traffic starts.”

/

“Where d’ya think yer goin’?” it’s not a joke, like it would so often be. No, he’s still here, and I was so close to finally making my escape. 

“I’m going to Skye’s for dinner.” 

“But, I was gonna make fish, and-,” I don’t let him finish, because he’s been doing the very same thing to me. All day long. Clipped replies, shooting down my ideas, and doing nothing to hide his disappointment in me. “And, we’re not done talkin’ ‘bout t’day, Becks.” 

“No, Harry, we are. And, you don’t get to call me that when you’re acting like this,” my words are firm, the most they’ve been in awhile. It was long overdue, even more than that. It zips his lips shut quicker than I could have hoped, and at last, he’s listening to me now. “We spoke about it the entire way here from the courthouse, Harry. You talked at me, yelled at me the whole car ride. Don’t you think that was more than enough?”

I know that I’ve made the wrong decision entirely when he rises from his chair, standing to his astounding height of six feet. I’d been loving him for the last few years, and officially for the last one and a half, so I knew what was coming by the look on his face. 

“No, ‘m yer boss and I say we’re not done speakin’ ‘bout this. So, sit.” 

“No,” emphasis carries in my voice, making him look as if I slapped him across the face. A groove appears between his eyebrows that sink towards his eyes. “You can’t talk to me like that, Harry. Yes, I’m your mentee and your employee, but I’m your girlfriend too. Isn’t that more important? I fucked up and made a mistake, and we lost a case. How many goddamn times do I have to tell you that I’m sorry, Harry?” a response from his lips is absent, and I can’t find one on his face as he stares back at me blankly. 

The look in his eyes begins to tug at my heart once the tears have begun to leave stripes down my cheeks. God, could there for once be a time that I don’t fucking cry?

“Shit,” I mutter, wiping hastily at my cheeks. Huffing, I blink them away until his face focuses in my view. I love him, and I try to remind myself of that, but God, I am so fucking mad at him right now. He had said it to me, and now, I can’t stop thinking about it. “We’re on the same team, Harry, have you forgotten that? You keep saying lately that we should fight with love and while on the same team, but you’re a hypocrite, because you don’t! What the fuck? I’m sorry I missed that evidence writing up our argument, and that I wasn’t prepared when it came up, but what was I supposed to do? You didn’t tell me how to fix that- y-you didn’t teach me what to do when that happens, Harry. This is why I haven’t worked a case with you in awhile, because you get like this. You micromanage, you hover when I’m trying to work, you have me on too short of a leash when I’m trying to take some freedom, or you give me too much of it when I need more help. You’re demeaning, Harry, you pull the boss card when it’s not fucking needed. I know that I’m dating one of the most renowned and successful lawyers in London- hell, all of Britain, but you’re my boyfriend too. I haven’t even been practicing for two years, and it’s going to be a long time until I don’t make mistakes anymore. I’m doing my best, and it’s never enough for you. Do you remember that, when you said my best isn’t good enough in front of all of those lawyers at the courthouse, Harry? Can you even comprehend how embarrassing that was for me? I’m your girlfriend, and despite how we tried to hide it, everybody knows it. That’s not how you treat your girlfriend, Harry, or even if we weren’t dating, your coworker. We’re talking about getting engaged soon, Harry, and then what? How can we be the Styles lawyer couple when my husband treats me like I’m below him because he gets mad at me for not knowing how to do something that he never taught me? . . Talk to Simon or Jilly, because I’m not working another case with you until you stop acting like this.”

“Becks, honey. I-” the very same word from his lips is found in his words, but I’m already shaking my head at him. A part of me wants to let him continue, but the other one insists that he’s the one who does the listening this time. 

“No, don’t you give me those goddamn puppy dog eyes, Harry Styles,” my warning holds more weight to it than I thought I could manage. He’s surprised too, by the way I don’t return his few second smile. “You can’t just fix this with an ‘I’m sorry’ and some pet names, Harry. I-I need to go. I can’t be here right now.” 

And so I leave, fleeing to my other best friend to pour my heart out about the other one. Rinse and repeat. 

/

The house was unusually quiet for eight o’clock. I kept putting it off, coming home. Finally, Skye did what she does best and kicked me out, insisting that I go and have some angry sex with my boyfriend, and then talk it out. It beats me why her solution to everything was sex, no matter how many times I vented to her about a row we had, that was always her answer. Sex. Have angry sex. Shower sex. Sofa sex. Slow sex. Dirty sex. Bent over the kitchen counter sex. Car sex, even. It only reminded me to never ask her where she hadn’t done it. 

It was dark, save for the soft light above the stove. “Alexa, turn living room light to warm,” I ask softly, hoping that he can’t hear me. I’m just not ready yet. 

Ideas for my lunch tomorrow fill my head until they’re whisked away when I open the fridge, finding my lunchbag beside his. An electric blue Post-It note sits on one of the purple handles. 

I got your lunch sorted, bug, and for the rest of the week. Month, if you even want. Love you most, I’m so bloody sorry xoxoxo

His chicken scratch plants a warmth inside of me, one that I can’t deny when I close the door, and pad up the stairs. “Alexa, turn light off.”

If he was working in his downstairs study, I’d done a good job of being quiet enough, but that was never the case. I swear, I had the sound of his footsteps memorized by now. My knack for recognizing my mum’s angry stomping had carried on to my adult years, somewhat fortunately. 

When it came down to it, there were few things about Harry that weren’t attractive. Sure, I could make a list of them spanning a notebook page if I thought hard enough, starting with today’s main feature. He wasn’t any more perfect than the rest of us, but sometimes in the right light he was for me. He still was despite his flaws. 

The slope of his toned back was one of them, one of his imperfect perfections that he didn’t even know about. It was the first glimpse I got of him when I stopped in the open doorway of our bedroom. It had been a long time since I could remember him wearing a shirt to bed, probably last winter, if I had to say. If he heard the whispery sounds of my breaths and impending footsteps, he didn’t make it known. Neither did he when I crossed the room and escaped into the bathroom to get ready for bed. 

Despite the time I spent readying myself to see him and talk to him, it wasn’t enough. No, it didn’t prepare me for the way my heart seemed to split open when I stepped out of the bathroom to find his face devoid of sunshine and red rimmed eyes threatened with more tears. If I could find the right words, which I couldn’t, I wouldn’t have even said any as I found my way to our bed, slipping under the covers on his side, the left one. His ragged breaths are hot against my bare neck, and his tears soon gracing my skin are tepid, but passionate with sobs. 

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” he whimpers, words divulged into me. Against my skin. Apparently, today was opposite day, because as I hold him against me, I’m teeming with guilt. “Did ya not think I could handle t’ hear it?”

“No, not really . . I wanted to find a good time to tell you, and not when we were having a row, but it just came out today. I’m sorry for the way that I said it, and how I left like that. You can’t fight fire with fire.” 

“‘s okay, I deserved it fer how I treated you t’day, bub. ‘m so sorry,” his sob stings against my ears, almost pulling an adjoining one from my lips. “I think yer a great lawyer, really, I do. This case was jus’ so hard and I let it get t’ me and overshadow ev’rythin’ else. ‘s s’posed t’ be a learning experience fer you, and I fo’got that. Becks . . “ 

“It’s okay, Harry. It’s not, but it is. You just . . you have to work on it. Not just for me, but Simon and Jilly too who work with you, and for yourself,” I tell him amidst combing the tangles out of his ear length curls. 

“Maybe ‘m not cut out t’ be a teacher, Becks. ‘m terrible at it, as you can see.” 

“No, you’re not, Harry. You’re my favorite teacher, you still are. Teachers have their own learning to do, too.” 

“I dunno,” he sighs, sniffling against the tears that have made my neck slick. A silence falls between us, and I’m not sure what else to say, before he does it for me. “How can I get better, Becks? Please, tell me.” 

“Harry, you . . you have to relax about it. Jilly’s only an intern, and Simon graduated when I did, but he may not have as much experience as me, I dunno. Everybody’s different and every case is, too. You have to lower your expectations, I think, and raise them when you can. Sometimes, you need to loosen the leash you have on them, or tighten it, depending on how much help they need. You need to act as if they don’t know something - how to write briefs, how to finish a closing statement, how to interview a witness . . Not in a demeaning way, but in a teachable way. When they mess up, take a deep breath before telling them it’s okay, and use it as a teachable moment. Nobody is perfect, Harry, and it’s okay that you aren’t, either.”

“Sounds like you should be tha teacher, not me,” he remarks gingerly, but in a way that the sadness has devoured his happiness. This was the voice of his I perhaps hated worse than when he yells at me. “I can’t believe tha way I treated you t’day, Becks. I didn’t go over what we should do if tha state found that evidence, ‘cos I forgot ‘bout it once that missing witness was found . . ‘s not yer fault that we lost it, it really isn’t. They jus’ played their cards right, ‘s all. We’ll do better next time- Well, if you’ll have me back.” 

He didn’t mean to, but he feeds the guilt monster inside of me. I wish I could hate it, but I know he means well. 

“It’s not a question, Harry. I will come back to work with you. I just- I didn’t know it’d be this hard working together sometimes. Since we’re dating and we both are passionate about law, I thought it’d mean we’d be great on a team together at work, but . . “ 

“‘s easier said than done,” he concludes for the both of us, reminding me of that talent he has with words. “Becks, I don’t wanna be like this . . ‘specially when we have kids. I hate it when I hurt those I love,” his sob rips another seam in my heart. Pulling him closer doesn’t help, but it brings a temporary respite when he’s pressed to my front. 

“Harry, you’ll be a great dad, I know it. We all have things we need to work on, we’re always a work in progress, and that’s okay too,” something inside of me clenches at the appearance of his red rimmed eyes and wet cheeks when he pulls away from me. He had always been better at wiping away the tears, but I do my best, and know that’s all that I can do. “We better hope none of them become lawyers.” 

The rip starts to stitch itself back up when a ray of sunshine spills from his grinning lips, even if it’s the smallest of smiles. Tipping my head forward, my forehead comes to rest on his, and I watch as his eyes fall shut. 

“You still love me?” his question is mumbled, and there goes that stitching. 

“Don’t be silly, of course I still love you, Harry. I don’t think I could stop if I tried, not that I’d want to.” 

His sages are tired when they open, and it makes it difficult to not think about late nights with him and a baby in our arms. One that I hope looks like him, getting his dimples, eyes, and sunshine. I wonder what we’d name them. 

“You still stuck on that girl name if we had a daughter?” I pose aloud to him, welcoming the change of subjects. His nod is emphatic and so is my giggle, still unable to think of a better baby name than that one. 

“Can’t believe ya still insist on namin’ our one day son Lenny,” Harry tsks, but I know he’s joking by the dimple set in his cheek. 

“Come on, you still don’t like it? How do you, a Beatles and John fan, not like the idea of naming your son Lennon Styles? Doesn’t it just sound, I dunno, so perfect?” I hope I’m right, that the tears have begun to dry up from his eyes.  

“Sorry, love, but as much as I love The Beatles, I jus’ can’t get on that bandwagon. Maybe ‘Lennon,’ but defo not ‘Lenny,’ sounds like an old man name or somethin’,” Harry titters, the very sound going straight for my heart. Yawning, I decide it’s my time to bury my face in his neck, sighing at the comfort of his arms going around me. “‘m so sorry ‘bout t’day, Becks. I promise you ‘ll get better. Fer you . . fer me, and our family one day.” 

“Thank you. Your dedication to wanting to get better is one of the things I love most about you, Harry. You know that?” I hum, my eyes fluttering shut at the intoxicating smell of him. I’m not sure there was ever a time where it didn’t calm me, until earlier today. 

Any sign of sleep is whisked away when I’m rolled onto my back, and he’s hovering over me, pinning my arms above my head. Oh, boy. This could go two very different ways, but I know which one I’m leaning towards. 

“Ya sure ‘s not me huge dick ya love most?” despite the tears stuck to his eyelashes, the shine in his eye is beginning to return. It may be a different kind as of now, but I welcome it, regardless. 

It’s undeniable that I’m going to get it for this one, but this too I embrace, “Now, I wouldn’t call it huge.” 

It grows in his eyes, the twinkling of mischief. God, how could I ever not learn to forgive that face? That stupidly goddamn handsome face. 

“Becky Styles, what tha fuck am I gonna do with you, Ms. Smart Mouth?”

“Come on, you know that’s what you love most about me,” my grin couldn’t be bigger. Neither could his automatic eye roll. “My mouth.” 

“Hush, li’l one, or else yer not gettin’ any o’ this dick.” 

“I know what you can do with me . . well, with that huge dick of yours, Harry,” at the end, my words collapse into a loud chuckle, especially when his teeth nip at my ear. 

“Bloody hell, stop talkin’, Becks. Yer distractin’ me.” 

“Good.” 

With his curls hanging in his eyes, a different warmth appears in his eyes, “‘s a good thing yer me favorite distraction, love.” 

/

I had tried and tried, but nothing. It wasn’t working. 

“What the fuck?” I mutter underneath my breath. Pulling my light coat around me tighter, I shiver, narrowing my eyes at the screen. Sliding my sleeve back, I lift my wrist and wake up my Apple watch. “Hey, Siri. Call Harry.” 

There’s a pause until I hear the robotic voice, “There is only ‘Harry Big Dick Styles’ in your Contacts. Would you like to call them or another number?”

“Yes,” I groan, rolling my eyes at the new name Harry had chosen for himself in my phone. By now, I could sniff it out on him, the little smirk he got when he’d ask to ‘borrow my phone’ to look something up. The little shit. 

“Yes, call who?”

“Call ‘Harry Big Dick Styles,’” although it doesn’t warrant a whisper, I still do, despite being alone in my office. He got what he wanted, alright. The device soon starts to ring, and it rings, and rings. Pressing the red phone icon, I end it, “Yeah, avoid my call so I don’t chew you out for putting your name as that in my phone, Harry Edward.” 

While my head rocks from side to side, mumbled curses fall from my lips as I close out of that tab. Switching to another, I type in the name of the other database, reentering my search for like, the hundredth time. 

“Knock knock!” somebody chirps from outside my door, opening it regardless. “Hey, Ree, hope I’m not interrupting some important lawyer thing of yours. I’m just glad I didn’t walk in on a row of yours with Harry. You two lovebirds better now?”

“Oh, hey, Skye. No, you’re okay and we’re good again. I was about to chuck my computer at the wall, so it’s probably best you came and saved me,” I sigh, watching my best friend waltz in, plopping onto my sofa. With an ‘ooo,’ she helps herself to Harry’s candy dish on the corner of my desk. Sometimes, I really do hate him. 

“What’s this ‘bout throwin’ yer Mac at tha wall? Tha thousand dollar laptop I bought you?” comes another voice into my office. Huffing, my hand comes to my face, rubbing at the furrow between my brows. Have I said lately how much I hate his sarcastic ass?

“Shutup, Harry,” Skye retorts for me, sorting through the caramels and chocolates until she locates the last mini Snickers bar. 

“Hey, watch tha mouth and Skye, those are my sweets!” he exclaims, quick steps carrying him over to my desk to bat at her hand. 

“Fuck off, I got it first.”

“Shouldn’t you two be workin’ or somethin’?” Harry sighs, biting off a block of chocolate as he takes a seat besides Skye. 

“Shouldn’t you?” by accident, Skye and I say it at the same time. Moaning, Harry crosses his arms over his chest with a pout. Good God, I don’t even want to imagine how stubborn our kids would be. 

“Fuck off, I own that sofa yer sittin’ on, could very well kick you outta me firm, if I like.” 

“Fuck off, I own that sofa yer sittin’ on, yada yada, ‘m this big fancy lawyer who thinks he has a big dick and ‘s tha best thing since sliced bread,” I try and fail to hold back the laughter spurred by Skye’s near perfect imitation of Harry’s accent, and his cocky attitude. His head slowly shakes from side to side, eyes narrowed at Skye while taking another bite from his dark chocolate bar. 

“Yer really gonna get it. Swear, yer never gonna be tha godmother, Skye.” 

“Wait, really?! It’s about time you fucking knocked her up,” she blurts

out and I’m laughing before I register what she’s saying. It comes to a skidding halt, but Harry’s shaking head doesn’t. 

“Ya, don’t think ‘d want me kids ‘round you, ya fuckin’ nutjob,” my boyfriend jokes, mouth full of chocolate. 

Skye’s jaw falls and she slaps at his arm, shoving at him next, but of course, he doesn’t go anywhere. Leaning forward, Harry easily towers over her in his dark violet suit, lips spread into a shit eating grin. 

“Who’s pregnant?” now, this voice is new, but it doesn’t take me long to locate its owner. All eyes flit to the doorway where Asher spreads his hands on the frame, peering inside with bent brows. 

“Um, nobody but . . ,” Skye sighs. A look dawns in her eyes, and it doesn’t take me long to figure it out. “I may be after looking at you . . Fuck, did I say that out loud?” she whispers, looking away from him with wide eyes. 

Harry’s obnoxious belly laughter breaks the silence when he puts his scarlet colored face in his hands. I’m afraid he might piss his pants if he laughs any harder. There’s nothing I can do to stop mine from joining his. Thankfully, Skye and Asher are soon laughing too. A few moments after we’ve collected ourselves, she gets to her feet, walking over to him in a Scooby Doo tie-dyed sweatshirt. This is one of her less eccentric outfits, if I do say so myself. 

“Hi. Um, let me try that again. I’m Skye, Becky’s best friend. And, you must be?” she says, holding out a hand accented with neon pink nail polish. A sound jars me from my watching of the moment. Looking over, I find it to be Harry taking a seat on the corner of my desk, his long legs touching mine. 

“Would ya look at them? Who woulda thought?” he whispers to me, nodding his head at the pair who exchange introductions and laughs. 

“Yeah, God.” 

“Aww, love,” Harry croons, loudly chewing his chocolate. 

“Yeah, speaking of that,” I exclaim in a hushed voice, pinching the inside of his thigh. 

“Ow! What’d ya do that fer? Y’know ‘s sensitive there,” he almost retorts, rubbing the skin underneath his trousers. “You could’ve gotten me balls!” 

“Don’t you give me that look, Harry Styles! You have some explaining to do - what the fuck is this?” I bite back, grabbing my phone and showing him my recent calls. I don’t even have to blink and his eager lips are dealing irresistible laughs, cheeks reddening like a tomato. “I tried to call you like five minutes ago for help with the databases, and I see this! What if I’m with my Dad and you called, Harry?”

There’s no chance he’s saying anything anytime soon, because all he can do is laugh and avoid. Picking up a magazine from my desk, I swat it at his shoulder. 

“Hey, watch it!” Harry warns, but his voice swimming with laughs does little to intimidate me. “That’s tha issue we’re in! Don’t wrinkle it now, we hafta frame that one.” 

Groaning, he carefully pries the copy of the local business magazine, Pulse, that he and Myles were on the cover of. I’m rather sure I wanted to frame it and hang it on my wall, because that was one good picture of Harry, if I ever saw one. 

A tiny yelp leaves my lips when he leans forward and pinches my boob. 

“Harry!” I exclaim, shoving him away, but it’s hard to do so when he’s laughing up a storm. “I’ll do it, I swear to God.” 

“You wouldn’t,” he bets aloud with a disbelieving shake of his head. His lips have begun to quiet down, and so have mine as he stays leaning towards mine, hands resting on his thighs. God, those thighs. “Not in front o’ them.” 

“You pinched my fucking boob in front of them, you don’t think I’ll do it? They don’t even remember we’re here right now,” I bite back, sitting up in my chair and meeting him in the middle. A word readies on his lips, but his face changes instantly when my hand flies to his bum, poking between his cheeks. 

“You li’l shit!” Harry almost yelps, grabbing my hand, only infuriated more by my laughing. 

“Can you two stop being so gay over there? I’m trying to talk to Asher,” Skye pipes up. Harry gives me a funny look at the way she says his name all sultry like. 

“Oooo, kissy kissy,” my boyfriend whispers to me from the cover of his hand. Turning his head with a smirk, our attention goes back to them. Mine only lapses for a moment when Harry pulls my hand into his, thumbing at my promise ring. It was something he had been doing a lot of lately. 

Something I had been doing a lot of lately- well, always was how I could never stop myself from admiring the way he looked in what he wore to work. His suits. If Skye and Asher weren’t in the room right now, although on a different plane of existence it seems, I’m not sure there’d be much stopping me from devouring Harry’s thighs right now. It didn’t help that he had them spread wide open facing me, and that his trousers were especially tight today. 

“You’re bad,” I almost hiss, squeezing his hand. With questioning brows, he looks back to me with a ‘what?’ “Sitting like that.” 

I can’t roll my eyes fast enough at the way his dimples fall into his cheeks with another shit eating grin of his. “Y’know, Becks,” he whispers, moving so he’s full on facing me, showing me a lovely view of the bulge in his pants. “If ya told ‘em t’ leave, ‘d fuck you so hard on that sofa tha second they’re gone.” 

“Harry,” it’s a soft laugh at best, but it doesn’t get very far when his lips smash themselves against mine. 

“Hmmm, seems we got our wish,” he muses aloud, bringing my eyes to the door, watching them leave on their own accord. Skye’s smile couldn’t be brighter, and wait, was Asher blushing? “Hello? Becks?” 

Blinking hard, my eyes snap back over to Harry. Blankly, I watch his every move. The way he slinks off his blazer, revealing the sheer white button-up he had teased me with this morning- well, all day. My bottom lip sings with pain from my teeth when he takes his time pulling his trousers down, exposing the significant bulge in his briefs. A wet circle of precum already marks where the tip of his dick is. 

“Ya got tha door?” he asks, just like every time, and I mumble an impatient response. 

God, I wouldn’t be surprised if I happened to end up pregnant sometime soon, because holy shit, this man. He may be an asshole, but the name he put in my phone wasn’t wrong, that’s for sure. 

/

I had come to memorize many things about Harry, from the way that he would only shave on Friday nights, would drink a glass of water first thing in the morning, and the sounds that he made. All the kinds. He had his own little humming that he did sometimes when he didn’t think anybody noticed, or the way he played with his lips and bit them. 

There was one thing about him that had melted into the background, like so many of them had by now, and that included the sound currently stemming from behind his office door. Words paused on my lips once I stepped inside, instantly mesmerized by the sounds that came from the way his fingers danced across the strings. It seems he had my sounds memorized too, because his stop suddenly, and his eyes are searching for mine. When they land on me, his cheeks crease with a shy smile. 

“You finished it,” it’s more of a statement than a question, despite knowing that he could spend another week perfecting it until he’s happy. He nods with a content smile, mindlessly picking the song slowly. “It sounds amazing, babe, even better than yesterday.” 

He mumbles a few words of thanks before his attention is captured again by the six stringed instrument, head bent over it in concentration. The luster has fled from his lips but the furrow above his nose has returned. 

The question leaves my lips and I’m not sure if I should’ve stopped it, uncertain of the story on his pages, “Alright?” His response isn’t immediate, neither a good or bad sign, I’ve found. With my arms looped around his neck from behind, I have a bird’s eye view of his fingers on his guitar. 

“Jus’ nervous fer t’night,” Harry’s voice is seldom shy, but right now, that word covers it. Over and over. 

“It’ll be okay. It’s just dinner.” 

“Ya right, ‘s the dinner, Becks. I don’t want it t’ go wrong or somethin,’” he remarks, fingers drifting up and down the neck of the guitar. It finds me, hastily and passionately, a sudden decision. I surprise even myself, leaving my stance behind him to walk around the chair, plucking the guitar from his hands. “What d’ya think yer doin’?” it comes out in his joking lilt, a dimple popping. 

“Teach me,” I say, and you’d thought by the look on his face that I had said I was quitting or something worse. It doesn’t stay very long because it melts into a smile that almost touches his ears, if only it could. 

“Thanks, bug,” although it’s not all there, I hear his words. All of them. Thanks for the distraction from my anxious thoughts, Becks. “C’mere, baby.” 

Patting his lap, I roll my eyes when he winks at me, sending me air kisses. I mutter a ‘shut up’ as I carefully take a seat until my back is flush with his chest. Letting him take control, he guides my hands to hold the guitar - left hand grasping the neck at the top and my right resting on the strings over the guitar’s hole. The smile already claiming my lips climbs a little higher at the feeling of his lips sponging a kiss to my cheek. 

“Thank you,” it’s a mere whisper but I catch it. It’s gone in a blink, but the way he placed his face against mine made my heart flutter. It had been a long time since I had let Harry try to teach me guitar again, despite his insisting that I could learn another instrument. Let’s just say that the first few times didn’t go that pretty due to a certain over controlling teacher. 

“Will you help me too?” 

“Mmmhmm,” I respond softly to his nervous question, turning my head ever so slightly to connect my lips with his cheek. “What does E major look like again?”

“This here, Boops,” his breath tickles my cheek, smelling of what else, but black coffee. He really is getting old, I think jokingly to myself, hoping I never have to give up teasing him about his age. I hope that I can keep it going for years and years to come, especially when he actually is old. The thought only makes me wonder what he was like as a teenager, and even just in his twenties, before I had met him. “‘Kay, noodle arms, help me out here.” 

“Oh, sorry,” I wheeze, maneuvering my hand with his help to the second fret, arranging my fingers on the strings. I strum but we both laugh at how bad it sounds, nothing like when he does it. “Harry?” pressing my fingers down more firmly on the metal strings, I drag the hard pick across the strings. Again and again. 

“Ya, Becks?” 

“What were you like when you were younger?”

“What, ‘s this another o’ yer old jokes where ya think yer funny?” he muses, helping me to move my hand again. “Here’s a C, this one may be easier fer you. E and C are some o’ tha main chords. Y’know, many songs don’t have mo’ than 5 chords, so once you master tha main ones, yer golden.” 

“Okay, but I can’t even play one,” it comes out in a giggle, lighter than air. He says something about practice and trying, dodging the question. “No, I’m just curious what you were like . . before I knew you. Baby Harry.” 

“You’ve seen photos o’ me, and heard stories from me mum and sista.” 

“Yeah, you were all hair, that’s nothing new,” the strings have begun to make my fingertips sting. That was one of the reasons I had thrown in the towel so early when it had come to learning guitar. Patience. It’s not something that Harry or I have. “You were in a band in high school, and you worked at a bakery running the till. What else? Like, what did you enjoy doing in your free time? What was your favorite cereal? When was your first real kiss?”

“Y’know some o’ this already, Becks,” a snort of his almost graces my temple where his cheek is pressed to mine. “I listened t’ music almost any chance I got, hung with me best mates - Tommy, Lola, and Morgan. Me fav cereal were tha chocolate puffs, whatever they were called. First kiss, hmm . . I guess me first real one was like fifteen, or somethin’ close t’ that. Here name was Heather Roberts. How’s ‘bout you, love? Seein’ as how we’re doin’ this twenty questions thing, I s’pose ‘s my turn. What was yer first job? First record? Favorite kid program you never missed an episode of?”

“First job was babysitting my neighbor’s two boys. God, they were a handful, two and three and mad as can be. My first record was Abbey Road, my dad’s copy he gave me after I got into The Beatles when I was like, 13. Um, favorite program was What’s New Scooby Doo,” the memories tell themselves. My cheeks fill out with a smile as he nudges his nose against my face, forgetting about the guitar to press repetitive kisses there. “Sir, you’re supposed to be teaching me how to play the guitar, not making out with my neck.” 

“Priorities,” he mumbles. First, there’s the smooth feeling of his nose underneath my ear, and then the contrasting feeling of his hairy upper lip. Squirming, I hadn’t even noticed the guitar was absent from our hands, he must have snuck putting it down. 

“Harry,” my giggle doesn’t last long before he’s turning me in my arms, and smashing his lips against mine the second he gets the chance. Effortlessly, my legs find a place on the other side of his, and my hands fall into his hair, just like always. “We’re supposed to be . . . working,” I hardly get out in between kisses from his busy lips.

“Couldn’t care less,” he insists in sighs. “Yer boss says not t’ worry ‘bout it.” 

“Rose is my boss now.” 

“God, would you please shut up?” his lips buzz against mine with a chuckle, one that I can’t help but copy. Rushed breaths tickle at the other’s skin amidst escaped laughs. There were few moments in the day where I wasn’t enveloped by his scent, one that had by accident spread to me too when I stole his body wash in the shower. My fingers are met with the satiny ribbons of his curly hair, despite his often protests to not mess it up after he had finally gotten it perfect in the morning. 

A squeak escapes me when his rings press against my bum through my black slacks, some harsher than others. I just make out the beginning of his mischievous laugh as my body shifts above him, finally settling down on top of his lap. 

“Woman,” Harry grumbles against my mouth, trapping my bottom lip between his sharp teeth. My giggle turns into a whine of pain with the pressure of his teeth. It only stays at the feeling of his crotch bucking up against mine from beneath. “You drive me mad,” a long sigh touches my lips when I tug down, listening to the sound of his zipper. 

“Priorities,” I echo, watching the way his rosebud lips spread with sunshine. 

/

“Breathe.” 

“I can’t, dunno how you can,” it comes out as a perturbed sigh and nothing less. “‘m sorry, don’t mean t’ get short with you.” 

“It’s okay,” I answer, feeling the way his rings pinch my skin when I squeeze his hand. 

“Hope so,” is all Harry says when he glances over at me, rubbing a hand down his face. 

“He’ll come, it’s only been a few minutes. You were like, ten minutes late for our first date, don’t you remember?”

“Oh ya,” his cheeks couldn’t be more red as they’re attacked with a surprise smile. “God, I still can’t believe I did that.” 

“Neither can I. That’ll be a good story to tell our kids.” 

“Ya, we’ve got loads o’ ‘em, and plenty o’ embarrassin’ ones ‘bout you,” he quips with a sly grin, making me shake my head. “What? If yer gonna tell tha bad ones ‘bout me, then ‘ll tell tha bad ones ‘bout you,” his lips end in a curled smile, the first one I’ve seen him share since we stepped foot in this place. 

“Seems ‘ve missed a good joke,” a voice comments from nowhere. Our heads both whip to the side, and before I’ve seen him, I notice it. The way Harry’s lips have fallen into a line, and the way his adam’s apple bobs nervously in his throat. 

“You didn’t miss anything good, don’t worry,” I assure him, standing to my feet with Harry.

“Please, sit down, there’s no need fer that,” Harry’s dad says with a wave of his hand, and we oblige. Undoing the button on his coal gray suit, he falls into the chair opposite. “‘m sorry if I kept you waitin’, traffic was a bitch.” 

“Oh, it’s fine. We haven’t been waiting long. How was your day, Mr. Styles?” I find myself saying, instantly hearing a titter from Harry, followed by his father. God, these similarities are mad. First, the comment about traffic, and now, this. 

“‘s Dez, none o’ that Mr. Styles rubbish.” 

“Rememba when ya used t’ call me that?” my boyfriend chirps, cocking his head to the side in a funny way. Laughs pass between us and our inside joke. 

Looking back to Harry’s dad, a question sits in his eyes, ones similar to Harry’s. I’d met him twice now, but it still amazes me how he looks like his dad. It’s like meeting his mum all over again, seeing him in them. 

“I was his assistant before, at the firm,” my explanation comes, and so does the realization on his face. 

“Oh, yes. I think we met befo’ then. That was what, four years ago? ‘m sorry we had t’ meet that way.” 

“It’s okay,” it’s automatic, and so is the next few minutes sitting in silence staring at our menus. It’s as if I can hear all of the conversations around me but ours in this restaurant decorated with white tablecloths. 

I’m not sure why Harry had to pick such a fancy place until I asked him, and he said it was his Dad’s idea entirely. I’d never been here, but Harry had, hence why he was pointing at my menu with whispers. Sometimes, it was hard to not stare at him while he talked, memorizing the way his lips moved when he spoke. The way his entire face could change with a flick of his eyebrows, or a lift of his lips. Tonight, I resisted, knowing how much was riding on this dinner with his dad. How important it was to him that it went well, and I understood, or as much as I could having a parent I didn’t talk to. 

“This ‘s good, and Myles likes their steaks. Maybe you’d like this one with tha pasta,” he mumbles, his long pointer finger dragging over the off white, paper menu. I could tell that he was nervous, from the way he bit at his lip to how his thumb hadn’t stopped rubbing the inside of my thigh under the table. 

Now, I wasn’t sure who to watch, my boyfriend beside me who kneaded at his bottom lip, or his father who did the same thing with his. It amused me, how I kept being surprised at the mannerisms between the two. First, there was the deep voice and the accent. Then, there were the almond green eyes, the towering height, and the nose. It was uncanny, the resemblance, even more so than his mum, I thought. What physical features he didn’t have of his mum’s, he made up for with his kindness and warmth of her’s. He got the sense of style from her, I think silently when I see the plain white shirt underneath his father’s blazer, and the denims I saw when he walked in. 

Our meals had been ordered and waters had been poured. Soon, the questions began, too. 

“So, you met workin’ at Harry’s firm?” his dad asks, scratching at his head. One lone ring sat on a pinkie, and his hair couldn’t be further from Harry’s. I couldn’t figure out where he’d gotten the curls from, seeing his mother’s wavy black hair, and his dad’s cropped gray head of hair. 

“Yeah, back in . . 2021. I was his personal assistant for a little bit that fall before I left for a different job.” 

“Ah, I see,” he muses aloud, awkwardness ensuing. Again. It wasn’t just him. The both of us had found it hard to retell this part of our story to anybody. Anybody who didn’t know us, or who wasn’t there. “And you came back, I see. ‘ve heard yer a rather great lawyer already.” His words bring me to turn to my boyfriend who does a poor job of hiding a smile whilst drinking water. 

“Yeah, I really like it there. I’ve hopped around working with some of the lawyers there, but I think I might have a favorite.” 

“I don’t blame you. Myles has always been my favorite too,” Dez chuckles, and like his son, it’s contagious. Harry yelps with a small protest, clucking his tongue at the both of us. “So, what are yer plans at tha firm?”An answer escapes me, and I turn my head, looking for it in the man next to me. 

He mouths a ‘what’ at me before messing with his hair, pressing his palm against my thigh in encouragement. If you could even call it that. 

“Well, right now I’m completing my mentorship, which will probably last another year and a half. So, I’m halfway. After that, I’m not sure. I’m just trying to get over this hill right now.” 

He nods with my words, taking a long drink from his pint he’d ordered. It still can remind me of the look on Harry’s face when he debated whether or not to mention that he doesn’t drink anymore, despite his father’s harmless badgering to order him a whiskey on the rocks. His old favorite. 

“Maybe you won’t be working by then, who knows. Anne and I had begun to have kids when we were yer age, or ‘s that not somethin’ you’d both want?” it’d be an understatement to say that his question had caught us off guard. I could tell by the way Harry’s thumb had stopped drawing circles over the fabric over my dress. 

“We’re not that far yet, Dad, but . . ,” when he trails off, I meet Harry’s eyes, catching the glimmer in them at the mention of a family. “We think we’d like t’ have a few or more, sometime soon. Afta a wedding, o’course.” 

“So ‘ve heard, that’s rather excitin.’ I know you’ve always wanted this, t’ find a great girl and t’ become a dad, Hare. Seems yer halfway there,” his dad comments. As if from the sidelines, I watch on as Harry nods at his father with the smallest of smiles on his face, making me wonder what he could be thinking. “You’d make a great one, you’ve turned into a great young man, son.” 

“Thank you,” it was the smallest of many I’d heard from him, but the glint in his eyes spoke volumes to what he’d really wanted to say. Even if I couldn’t remember how much his dad had been around when he was growing up, it seemed to mean a lot to Harry for him to say that. “I uh, have this one t’ thank that fer. . quite a lot, actually.” 

Blinking hard, I suddenly feel their eyes on me. I blame the warmth in my cheeks from that in Harry’s eyes, the sunshine overflowing from them. “He’s come a long way. I’m very proud of him too,” emotion weighs down my words, more of it speaking through my fingers when I lay my hand on top of his that hasn’t left my thigh since we sat down. 

He wasn’t my son, so I couldn’t relate there. Regardless, it felt like I knew how his parents felt when they looked at Harry, because pride poured out of me just at the sight of him. I was sure that if I said another word about it the feeling would come out of me in tears. 

/

“What do you think?”

“‘Bout what, love?” his voice sounds far away, despite it being just across the middle console from me. 

“Dinner tonight.”

“Oh,” Harry sighs, realization tying his voice together. A further response doesn’t come, but his attention is on the cars behind him, where he looks while trying to merge onto the highway. “It was good, I thought. How’s ‘bout you?”

“I agree, it was good. I no longer see your dad as this big, scary bloke,” I joke, knowing I should regret it when it doesn’t pull a smile from his lips. I hardly know him, but he may still be that to Harry, because only he knows the real him. Just like with my mum. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking-.” 

“Oh, yer fine, Becks,” he insists, but there’s something else. I can’t quite grasp it, despite the effort I put in to try and open his book again. 

“Alright?”

“Ya, why wouldn’t I be?” 

“Don’t lie to me, Harry Styles,” I insist softly, dancing my hand across until it arrives on his warm thigh. He doesn’t speak but instead, he sighs, and laces a hand with mine. 

“Jus’ nervous . . still.” 

“Why? It went really well tonight, Harry, without a hitch,” I tell him, unable to look away and to the window. I had lived here for years now, and so the sights hadn’t amazed me for a while now. 

“I know, ‘s mad, but . . I don’t wanna get my hopes up, Becks. He’s done this befo’, charmed his way back into me life. ‘s all normal at first and almost too good t’ be true, until he turns like a light switch, explodin’ on me ‘bout somethin’ or bein’ a dick again.” 

“It’s like they become another person, right?” my experiences flood my words, and all he does is nod, staring ahead at the road. Despite his silence, the tips of his calloused fingers drag up and down the spanse of my fingers. “I know how you’re feeling, and it’s okay to feel that way, Harry. I understand that you don’t want to get excited and have it all just be for nothing if he turns on you again.” Like they so often are, his nods seem silent but they’re brimming with unsaid words. Fearful ones, and worried, as well. More than he lets on. “I wish I could tell you that it’ll be okay, Harry, but I hope it’ll be.”

“Thanks, Becks. Me too,” his voice is soft, but the way his fingers press against mine is loud. He can’t help the way the worry shouts from the lines and frown on his face, either. I just hope that I can do a good job of hiding mine. 

/

Voices drown amongst each other in my ears, one after the other. An off white mug is set down in front of me, a painting of a cat donning the front. 

“Sugar? Cream?”

“Yes, please,” my answer comes, and a dish with a spoon graces the table next. 

“How’ve you been, love?”

“Good, and you, Claire?” he looks like her, or so I think he does. When her eyes lift to him standing across the room, I see it in the glimmer in her eye. 

“I’ve been doing well, thanks for asking. Harry seems happy.” 

“Yeah, you could say that,” it comes out in a laugh, and when she shares it with me, I see the hint of a dimple in her cheek. Happiness may leak from ours, but the boisterous one of Harry’s from across the kitchen trumps ours completely. “I love his laugh.” 

“Me too, it’s always been so happy, ever since he was a baby.” 

When I look, nostalgia sits in the lines around her mouth and eyes, memories from the last eighty years of her life held in her eyes. A content smile doesn’t budge from her lips as she brings the mug to them again. I’d never tell anybody this, but I think Harry’s gran was my favorite of his family, despite there being so many good ones to choose from. It was the eyes and the smile, I think, where I saw him in her. Glancing between them, the happiness was contagious, just like his always is. 

“What?” he chuckles when he looks to us, talking with his hands, like always. Shaking my head at him, I bring the steaming mug back to my lips, watching as he returns to talking with an old mate of his, Tommy. Every few moments, his eyes squeeze shut with another bout of laughter. 

“I haven’t seen him this happy in a long time.” Turning my head, I catch her cerulean blue eyes sitting on me with a knowing smile. The similarities are absent otherwise, noting her ivory colored hair cropped short around her ears. “Thank you, Becky.” 

“I don’t know what you’re thanking me for,” the pieces haven’t clicked together for me yet, sitting unsolved in the expression of confusion I give her over my mug of tea. 

“I think you know.” 

Her laugh is short and cute, as is the wink she gives me. Okay, maybe he is more like her than I thought. I’d only met her a few times now, starting with the first time Harry brought me home to Cheshire where he grew up, last Christmas at his Mum’s, and now for a weekend home. 

“His other girlfriends, they didn’t make him happy like this. Not even close,” her explanation comes with a shake of her head, eyes on her grandson. I follow them, unable to stop looking at Harry and the sunshine that radiates from him, and his happy lips. 

He was a sight for sore eyes, that’s for sure. It was always suits and ties for him at work, but at home it was a different story. Today, it was a blue cap turned backwards over his gorgeous curls, and a black and blue flannel with dark skinny jeans. “I’d never seen him more upset than around the time my husband died, that year before it seemed horrible for him too. It all had come to a head for him, it broke my heart. I wanted to ask what was going on, but wasn’t sure how to until the two of you told me how you had met the last time he brought you here, and it all made sense. The way he had lost you, and then found you again. I wouldn’t know where he’d be if it weren’t for you, Becky, and I hear a wedding is on the horizon.” 

“I’m hoping so,” I muse aloud, feeling the familiar surface of the promise ring on my ring finger, remembering when we had explained it each time a question arose. “I’m not sure where I’d be without him either, he’s my anchor.” 

“I don’t think you’ll have to hope, honey. He’s really serious about you,

he’s told me himself.” 

“H-He has?” I don’t know why I was surprised, but I still was. The fluttering inside of my chest still came when I watched him remove his hat, and comb a hand through his matted curls. I wonder if it’d ever stop, but I was rather sure it never would. 

“Can I hope to be a great grandmother again soon?” 

“Excuse me?” I chuckle, having to set down my mug whilst choking on my tea. 

“Sorry, love. I didn’t mean to surprise you there,” she apologizes. With red cheeks, I wipe a napkin across my face, feeling Harry’s eyes on me. 

“Gran, don’t rough her up too much over there,” he quips from his Mum’s kitchen island, placing a slice of cheese on a cracker that he feeds between his lips. Somehow, he looked like how I thought he would as a teenager or a uni student with that outfit. It was cute as hell, and only made me wish more that I had known him then, because there could never be enough time with him. 

“I’m not,” Claire laughs, patting my back. At last, I’ve recovered and take a long pull from my mug. 

“One day soon I hope, but don’t hold your breath too much,” I decide to say, my eyes unmoving from Harry’s figure as they come out. Standing there, he talks animatedly with his friend Tommy who sits across from him on a stool, his mum doing laundry in the other room. Harper and Ollie were due to arrive soon for a family lunch, and I wasn’t sure of how it could get better, except for a little baby on Harry’s hip one day. 

One step at a time, Becky, but when have we ever done things in order? 

/

The smile on her face warms me from the inside, and it only grows as a laugh erupts on her lips, shared between her and my gran. Two of my favorite people in the entire bloody world. I’m rather sure that I could listen to that sound for my entire life, and then some. 

“So, when ya plannin’ to do it, H?” 

“Soon.” 

Just a few more weeks, Becks, and then, forever. 

[sortasirius]

“Last Call” and Canon Bi Dean

This is going to be very long, very rambly, and very emotional.

Really though, I had high expectations going into this, and quite honestly?  Jeremy Adams blew me away.

This episode is about Dean’s growth, it’s about who he was to Lee, and who he is now, about overcoming his own desire to just stop caring and keep on fighting for the innocent.  But most importantly to me?  This episode canonized bi Dean.

So let’s just get right into it, we know from the beginning that we’re meeting Lee, Dean’s old friend that Sam doesn’t really know or isn’t really close with, but the way Dean leaves?  He doesn’t want to bring down the mood of Sam and Eileen in his post breakup depression funk?  Good grief.

The bar is cool and right up Dean’s alley, and right out of the gate we get the promo scene with the waitress that we were all wigging out about.  And my hunch was right, Dean just kinda rolls right by, which man, Dean from season 1?  Hell no.  She’s just his type, clearly into him, and yet, Dean’s world literally falls away when he sees Lee Webb singing onstage.

You can’t really do justice to the way with words to the way that Dean looks when he sees Lee and realizes who he is, Jensen and Christian have so much NUANCE in their scenes together, and the history behind them is palpable, even though we don’t know the extent of it.  And Lee is just the same way, looking Dean up and down and “Dean Winchester,” just to hammer home that something is going on here and we should not ignore it.

“You got time?”  “Always.”  Bruh. There are so many details that we can pick up on about them, their relationship, who they were to each other.  Even Dean’s little “you sound good,” come on guys, what the fuck?

That’s another thing: why don’t we know the history?  Why do they shy away from talking about why they split apart?  Dean is clearly upset when Lee mentions Arizona, what happened?  Why did John and Dean never mention Lee? And obviously Lee knows John, hell he seems more sorry than Dean does that John’s dead, but then again, the Dean that Lee remembers idolized John, so that’s definitely a big change for Lee, because Dean clearly doesn’t idolize John anymore.

I just want to hear about everything that’s mentioned in the episode in more detail: Lee and Dean went hunting together, presumably alone, since John caught them drunk on a hunt.  What went on?  I think we know. How often did they hunt together? How long had they known each other? D E T A I L S please Jeremy Adams!!!

“I don’t think I have seen you since Sammy was in college.”

“Right.”

“I mean, hell, I thought you were-”

“Dead?”

Also Lee does this little teasing laugh and everything about them is soft and my chest hurts.

“I mean, that’s usually how this ends, isn’t it?”

And what I want to talk about here is Lee’s reaction, because he doesn’t shrug and do the usual “so it goes” that so many hunters do, he looks at Dean, like really looks at him, he sighs and says a simple “yeah” with this look that’s so soft and so full of something and Dean looks away (doing his eye motion thing he does with Cas) and Lee breaks contact too and looks down and smiles and oh my god.  I told yall this was going to be rambly but I didn’t draw breath while typing that lmao.

I wanna know about the Arizona thing, I want to know why it made Dean uncomfortable when Lee mentioned it, and I want to know why it’s glossed over.  These two were like best friends, you can tell, and for them to just stop talking?  Hm.

They swap tales, talking about the triplets that they “split em up fair and square” even though that’s not possible and they had an orgy obviously.  Dean has this look with the waitress again and you can tell he appreciates it but like?  That’s the end of it?  In the next scene she’s gone and it’s just Lee and Dean talking, Dean making Lee laugh and enjoying it, it’s just so...romantic?

And even though, the second that Lee doesn’t recognize someone he should puts all of us, as the audience on alert, it doesn’t even cross Dean’s mind that Lee is doing something wrong, it’s not even on his radar.

“There’s nothing you can’t have, man.”

“Then who’s gonna kill the bad guys?”

“Somebody else.”

And Dean looks away, because it’s clear what Lee is asking.  He’s asking for Dean to stay.

When Lee starts up the band, I was just struck by how much they look at each other, getting in each other’s space, Lee leaning forward, Dean watching him walk away.  Guys.  This happened in front of our faces on screen.

“Can’t sit around lip syncing ‘Eye of the Tiger’ when no one’s watching.”

This is a callback to the ghost sickness episode, but also an intimate moment that no one gets to see of Dean.  Sam catches him in the act of it on that episode, so how does Lee know he does this?

And then, let’s get to the singing.  Dean’s always postured to Sam that he can’t sing (which we all know Jensen has the voice of an angel) and the buildup to him actually singing was so beautiful, because Lee knows he can, he teases him with the “Eye of the Tiger” thing, winks at him, keeps trying to pull him onstage, stands there and bites his lip when Dean’s singing.  I mean.  I’m at a loss to what else you would think about them, it’s just plain as day: they were together.

The whole thing is just so playful, and we never see playful like this from Dean.  It’s flirty and funny and sweet and just such a nice change of pace, so good for Dean to be with someone that clearly wants to be with him, who he has history with (amidst the divorce he’s currently in w Cas).  Even when they sing together they can’t keep their eyes off of each other and the whole thing is honestly too much it’s so fanfic-y and I can’t handle it.

And then, the big thing, Lee slaps Dean’s ass in the middle of the song, and Dean doesn’t blush, he doesn’t stand up straighter like that’s weird or wrong, he grins this huge amazing beautiful grin and says “you son of a bitch.” What else are we looking for here?  He’s bi.  He’s bi.  With the lighting behind him and the bar named Swayze’s and Lee staring holes through him, we finally saw onscreen, canonical proof that he’s bi.  Sure, it’s been hella subtextual before, but this is text, and no one can ignore it.

At the end of the song, one of Lee’s hands is gripping Dean’s shoulder, and Dean’s arm is around Lee’s waist??????????  Help??????

They round it all out with kicking some gross guys out of Lee’s bar, and Lee stares at Dean and says “still got it.” I mean....I’m running out of ways to say the same thing over and over.

“Best friend’s don’t just leave without saying goodbye.”

“They do if they deserve it.”

Hmmmmmmmm, something to think about with these lines.

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on okay, but this is not you.”

Compare that with:

“Cas, this isn’t you, this isn’t you.”

Cool.  Fine.  I want to die.

Lee became the monster because he thought there was no point in being a good person anymore.  You can’t stave them off so you might as well “have a little fun.”  Which I think is interesting because of how apathetic and hopeless Dean’s been since Chuck, since Jack, since Mary, since Rowena, but when it comes down to it, he’s always going to care, which is why we love him.

But what I really want to talk about is the way Dean’s face twists when Lee touches him, he turns his head away, his face contorts, like he wanted Lee to touch him, but not like this.  We’ve seen Dean’s heart break so much in this show, he’s lost so much and so many, but this is something so different.  It’s not only betrayal, or a realization that he has to kill Lee, it’s the loss of what he had with Lee, what he felt for him.  It hurts to watch as an audience member, and I can’t imagine how it is for Dean.

Dean’s voice also breaks when he tries to call Lee back, in case you still had any tears left to cry.

The gunfight is intense, but not nearly as intense as what’s coming.

“I don’t know you.”

“You don’t Dean?  I am you.  I’m just you that woke up and saw that the world was broken.”

“Then you fix it.  You don’t walk away, you fight for it!”

No double meanings in this episode are there?  Perhaps this is a little bit of what happened between them all those years ago bubbling to the surface?

And then we get one of the best fight scenes in the show, and you know when Dean gets that cue stick, that it’s game over for Lee, but what I wasn’t expecting is the sheer heartbreak on Dean’s face.  They both look down at the wound, like they’re both surprised, and Lee holds Dean, he fucking holds him, and this fucking piano music plays when Lee says “okay” and drops to the floor, and Dean leans against the pool table because fuck, how much more can he lose?

And because not even THAT is enough, ten seconds of divorced Destiel distress?  Where Dean clearly wants to talk to Cas but Cas is still giving him the cold shoulder and it breaks Dean’s heart but he doesn’t know how to fix it????

There’s just so much to unpack here, the show is teaching us new things about Sam and Dean and Cas all the time, and yet I feel like I really know Dean know, I;ve seen a little bit of him that I had never seen before, and I’m just grateful. I’m grateful for Dean, grateful for these writers, grateful for his growth.  I’m grateful for the angst and the happiness he had with Lee, however fleeting, and I’m grateful that I get to leave this episode with the fact that Dean is oncreen bi.  Sure, it can be up to interpretation, he didn’t come out and say it, but that’s because he didn’t have to.  Lee knew, so we knew, and that was all that mattered.

This silly, weird show is important to me for so many reasons, (clearly, since I talk about it all the damn time), but Dean especially is so important to me, I see so much of myself in him, and him being allowed to be him, without some grand coming out scene is even better than I could have ever hoped for.  So thank you, Jeremy Adams, for giving us bi Dean, and one of my absolute all time favorite episodes in the show.

[destieltropecollection]

Destiel Trope Collection 2020 Day 15: Friends to Lovers

The First Thanksgiving | @fangirlingtodeath513

Rating: General Word Count: 1184 Main Tags/Warnings: Castiel/Dean Winchester,Mary Winchester,John Winchester,Dean Winchester,Castiel (Supernatural),Traditions,Established Castiel/Dean Winchester,Thanksgiving,Thanksgiving Dinner,Minor Rowena MacLeod/Sam Winchester,Minor John Winchester/Mary Winchester Summary: Mary has a Thanksgiving tradition she’s carried on for years, but this year’s is particularly special.

For Better or Worse | @deansrightfulangerissue

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1497 Main Tags/Warnings: Canon-Typical Violence, Parental Physical Abuse, Alternate Universe, Fluff and Angst Summary: When they first meet, Cas saves Dean from school bullies. Over the years, their friendship only grows stronger.

Quarantine Roomies | @cloverhighfive

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 2038 Main Tags/Warnings: domestic fluff, idiots in love, first kiss, college AU Summary: Cas and Dean roomie together while they have to go in quarantine to wait out the pandemic outbreak. They're friends. But maybe Dean misread Cas.

Sex Ed | @Destielshipper4Cas

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 2324 Main Tags/Warnings: Roommates, Virgin Castiel, Loss of Virginity, First Time, Alpha Dean, Omega Castiel, Barebacking Summary: Cas grew up in a religious family who have kept him sheltered all his life. When he finally gets out of there, his knowledge about sex is seriously lacking. Luckily, his alpha roommate Dean knows all about sex and can teach him a thing or two. It would be so much easier if feelings weren’t involved…

Stay a While | @nickelkeep

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 2755 Main Tags/Warnings: AU - Roommates, Friends to Lovers, Moving in Together, Love Confessions Summary: With his brother expecting, Cas needs a place to live. With Sam moving out, Dean needs a roommate. After not living together for several years, can Cas and Dean make things work?

The Archaeologist and the Disco Ball | @saltnhalo

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 2761 Main Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe - High School, Halloween, Halloween Costumes, Fluff, Love Confessions Summary: When Dean had agreed to take Castiel shopping for a costume to wear to Meg’s Halloween party this Friday, he had not expected the actual expedition to be so… difficult.

Pulling Shivers | @suckerfordeansfreckles

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 3200 Main Tags/Warnings: childhood best friends, friends to lovers, skinny dipping, getting together, mutual pining, love confessions Summary: “You ever been skinny dipping?” Dean asks, out of absolutely nowhere. He’s looking up at Cas, upside-down from where he’s hanging off of Cas’ bed, a black controler clasped loosely in his hands. They’ve been hanging out and playing video games in Cas’ childhood bedroom all day, trying to use the days they have left before they inevitably have to start the three-hour drive back to college together. They are roommates now, and still best friends, just like when they were seven years old and missing a few teeth. Cas is also, unfortunately, still as head over heels in love with Dean now, at the age of 23, as he was when Dean was still too small to sit in the Impala without a booster seat, still only sitting and watching as his uncle Bobby tinkered on cars, still loud and laughing unabashedly, still void of worries. Cas stumbles a little over the question. “Um — I. No, never. You?”

Out Of Bed | @saltnhalo

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 4145 Main Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Wizard Castiel (Supernatural), Wizard Dean Winchester, Mutual Pining, Love Confessions, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hufflepuff Dean Winchester, Gryffindor Castiel (Supernatural) Summary: On his way back from the Quidditch Pitch late one night, Dean Winchester finds himself adventuring the deserted corridors of Hogwarts with the Head Boy.

feathers and lightbulbs | @procasdeanating

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 4371 Main Tags/Warnings: witch!Cas, incubus!Dean, sharing a bed, mutual pining Summary: A spell gone wrong forces Dean and Cas to keep in physical contact. Easier said than done, when one of them is a succubus and madly and secretly in love with his best friend.

The Fault of Flying | @thebloggerbloggerfun

Rating: General Word Count: 4478 Main Tags/Warnings: Reverse!Verse, Insomniac!Castiel, Angel!Dean Summary: Insomnia can make trying to fall asleep an incredibly frustrating endeavor, and for the human Castiel, it is. Luckily for him, his best friend is an angel with the ability to take him anywhere in the world when the nights get rough, and it makes everything more interesting! And more confusing.

Never Ever | @suckerfordeansfreckles

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 4494 Main Tags/Warnings: best friends to lovers, drinking games, alcohol, confessions Summary: Every other week, Charlie and Gilda and Row, Jo, Garth and Kevin, Benny, Chuck, Sam, Dean and Cas get together to get drunk — or, depending on preferences, high. They meet and get drunk and talk about life, most of the time. Sometimes, though, like today, they play drinking games. Today, it’s Never Have I Ever. It’s only a quarter past midnight, all of them are way past tipsy already, when Charlie giggles to herself and slurs: “Never ’ve I ever — ever slapped my partner’s ass durin’ sex.” A mixture of laughter and snorts wanders through their rows, and everyone raises their glasses. Everyone, even Garth — everyone except Cas. Everyone drinks, except Cas, and Dean just stares. He can feel the vodka dribbling down his chin while he drinks, and oggles his best friend some more. As soon as he swallowed and coughed his way through the burning liquor, he blurts: “Dude, seriously, never?” And that's how it begins.

Scent-Bonded | @destielshipper4cas

Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 4742 Main Tags/Warnings: Friends to Lovers, Best Friends, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Sharing a Bed, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics Summary: When the alpha Cas is scent-bonded to leaves him, it’s on Dean to pick up the pieces. Since they’re scent-compatible, letting Cas scent him helps the omega feel less despaired. An easy solution—if only Dean wasn’t in love with and scent-bonded to Cas.

Be quiet | @notfunnydean

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 4748 Main Tags/Warnings: 5+1 Things, Semi-Public Sex Summary: 5 Times where Castiel needs Dean to be quiet and one time, where he really wants to hear what Dean has to say.

Pen Pal | @peanutbutterjelly-pie

Rating: General Word Count: 5246 Main Tags/Warnings: Alternate Universe, Pen Pals, Fluff, Falling in Love, Friends to Lovers, Summary: Hey, Cas, you wanna be my pen pal?” + (Dean is twelve years old when he asks Castiel to be his pen pal, not knowing that it will change his life completely.)

Not good enough? | @notfunnydean

Rating: General Word Count: 6099 Main Tags/Warnings: hurt!Dean, crying!Dean Summary: When Dean finds a list in Cas’ room, where Cas has written down everything he hates about him, Dean tries to become a brand new person. But Castiel seems to hate that as well.

making the most of the night | @pomegranatedaffodil

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 6819 Main Tags/Warnings: Modern AU, Friends to Lovers, Birthdays, Fluff and Smut Summary: Dean isn't exactly looking forward to his thirtieth birthday, but at least the party he has planned to mark its passing will be pretty great. Or so he thinks, until a massive snowstorm causes a power outage on the afternoon of the party. One by one, the guests make their excuses for not being able to attend-- all except for Cas, who Dean can't seem to get a hold of. And then there's a knock on his door.

Cuddle Buddies | @Destielshipper4Cas

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 10056 Main Tags/Warnings: Roommates, Mutual Pining, Couch Cuddles, Idiots in Love, Alpha Dean, Omega Castiel, Massage, Barebacking Summary: Cas just wants some alpha cuddles, but alphas generally aren’t all that interested in cuddling. Luckily, he has an awesome roommate who steps up to the plate.

Kilig | @gii-heylittleangel

Rating: General Word Count: 10397 Main Tags/Warnings: friends to lovers, 5+1 things, secret admirer Summary: Five times Castiel didn't know his secret admirer and the one time he did.

Took Me Long Enough | @confusedcasishere

Rating: Mature Word Count: 15579 Main Tags/Warnings: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Openly Gay Castiel, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Top Castiel, High School AU, Eventual Smut, Dean Winchester Has A Crush on Castiel Summary: Alright, so you know how in movies the friendzoned BFF always gets the girl in the end? Well what if the girl is a dude and you’re also a dude? Do the same rules apply? Or will this clusterfuck end with me losing my best friend?

Unexpectedly You | @verobatto-angelxhunter

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 30239 Main Tags/Warnings: Destiel, season 8 canon divergent, mutual pining, winged Castiel, Sammy knows, explicit sexual content, Aruiel (OC) Sam/Aruiel (OC), first kiss, love confession. Summary: Cas is back in the bunker after being absent for a couple of weeks, although for Dean were like centuries. So this time he will train Castiel as a hunter, not because he missed him a lot and he wanted him to stay with him at all. Just because they are good friends. But something will ruin his plans, a new danger and an old enemy of Castiel will resurge. Ancient enochian spells and a big secret will be revealed while the hunter will try to figure out his feelings for the angel. Helped by Sammy's insightful mind and a new angel ally, our friends will have to save the world one more time.

Lucky Winner | @natmoose

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 31719 Main Tags/Warnings: General Tags: Fake/Pretend Relationship, Past Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester, Mechanic Dean Winchester, Professor Castiel, Castiel and Dean Winchester are Roommates, Friends to Lovers Warnings: Anxiety Attacks, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Explicit Sexual Content, Non-Penetrative Sex Summary: Dean wins a trip to Paris. In and of itself, that’s an amazing thing, but the problem is: he isn’t in a relationship with Lisa anymore, and the trip requires a romantic partner. The obvious choice is Cas, his roommate and best friend of 3 years, but coming with that are some very very complicated feelings and things Dean absolutely doesn’t want to deal with. But Dean isn’t selfish and also really wants to give his overworked best friend a well deserved holiday, so the only and best solution is to take Cas to Paris, romantic theme be damned. What Dean doesn’t know is that their whole trip will be documented by a photographer from the company - so to avoid their vacation being cut short, Dean and Cas will have to convincingly play a couple.

Because This Moment Simply Is | @ilovelucey

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 32045 Main Tags/Warnings: Highschool/College AU; Neighbor AU; Best friends to lovers; Bottom!Dean/Top!Cas Summary: Dean and Cas have been next-door neighbors and best friends since they were both four years old. They've been through everything together. Cas was there for Dean when his mother died, and his father started going off the rails. Dean was there for Cas while he came to terms with his sexuality and came out to his religious family. Now they’re both eighteen and Cas is secretly, hopelessly in love with Dean. After years of ignoring his burgeoning feelings, Cas finds the courage to come clean just before he moves across the country to attend college in California. Determined, Cas pours his feelings out into a letter and leaves it for Dean to find. It isn't until eight years later that Dean finally receives the letter, and that single sheet of yellowed notebook paper turns his entire world upside down.

Where the Road Leads? (WIP) | lightmyway (AO3)

Rating: Mature Word Count: 141598 Main Tags/Warnings: Friends to Lovers, Hurt/comfort, angst, Photojournalist Cas, Legal Guardian Dean Summary: Castiel took off on his motorcycle at eighteen, ready to let the road take him where it wanted. That plan changed when he met Mary Winchester at a protest rally and shell learned the power of the camera around his neck. He never expected he would move in with her two boys and step back from his up and coming career. Dean never expected to be a parent at the age of eighteen. He also never expected that Cas would dedicate himself to being there for both Winchester boys. Dean, also, never expected that Cas would return to the career he left behind and fly off to some of the most dangerous places in the world. He certainly never thought it would be because of something he let happen. Will he be able to bring Cas home?

[whichwitchami]

Do you do anything special for the winter holidays? (Assuming you celebrate anything). Do you have any traditions you'd like to share? Or stories? Or a favorite winter recepie? I know most of those lean on the idea that you celebrate something and if you don't then by all means don't worry about it. Or share something wintery that isn't about a holiday. I dunno. I was thinking too much about too much and thought I'd offer an opportunity to just talk about whatever. Sorry ~🏵️

Hi friend!

I’ve been pondering this a lot this year  since my boyfriend said he wanted to celebrate more of the Pagan holiday’s with me. A lot of times I just let them slip by because I don’t follow the Wiccan wheel of the year, and so I don’t much know what to do for each holiday. A lot of what I’’ve read for the Norse versions of the holiday’s involve bonfires and feasts, which are nice, but a bonfire in Ohio winter isn’t the most realistic thing. 

I do technically celebrate “Christmas” or whatever secular, cultural thing “Christmas” is in America now. I was raised in a Christian household so 🤷

By that I mean there’s always a tree and decorations and we get each other presents and have a nice meal. My mom gave up on forcing my sibling and I to go to church well before either of us knew we were pagan. In non-covid times and before I moved away, we all went to visit family and do gifts and a nice meal there as well. 

This year its about the same on the “Christmas” end, although not with my family because I’m now 3 states away and its COVID. My boyfriend and I got a fake tree to decorate (we call it the Yule tree cos of the idea that Christmas trees may have been stolen from a pagan tradition) and there’s gifts under the tree. He wants to try and make a beef wellington for Christmas dinner...though neither of us have taken on anything like that for cooking. We’ll go over to his parents for a meal and gift exchange as well. His mother was raised Catholic and while she’s not hardcore, she still upholds a lot of the Christian stuff. 

For Yule celebrations this year, I plan on making wassail (a sort of tradition? My sibling and I have made it a few times, it stems from something I’ll talk about more later in this post) and we got a candle that’s supposed to smell like a Yule log. I told my boyfriend we can’t light it until Yule XD. I don’t know if we’ll do much more than that because I work on Yule this year (well, I work the 21st which I believe is Yule this year)

There are some non religious things my family and I did every winter while my sibling and I were in school. I haven’t figured out foolproof ways to incorporate them now that we’ve both graduated, but I try to do something to call back to those traditions each year. 

While we were in school my sibling and I danced in the local dance theater’s production of the Nutcracker for YEARS. We even got my mom in on it one year as a party guest in the first act. None of us dance anymore since my sibling and I went off to college and especially in the year of COVID we’re not going to go to any shows. I’ll probably just play the music a bunch or try to find a movie of it that isn’t terrible. 

The other one was attending my high schools madrigal play. We went almost every year for 8 years (my sibling and i are 4 years apart, so my 4 years of high school and their 4 years of high school) because my sibling and I both had friends who were in it each year. For anyone who doesn’t know what madrigal is, it’s a dinner and a show type of thing with singing in between courses, sometimes dancing, and sometimes a play within the show. The premise is you’re attending a feast at the house of a medieval King and Queen with all his lords and ladies. So the singers are dressed up in garb and sing traditional carols in between courses of a (semi) traditional meal. That’s where my sibling and I got the wassail from. We loved wassail the best at madrigal and so we learned how to make it ourselves. 

I saw one idea on Facebook this year that I’d love to start, where you gift everyone in the house a book on Christmas eve and then spend the evening reading the book you were gifted. I think that’d be fun to turn into a tradition. 

If/ when there’s kids in the picture, a friend of mine from high school had a tradition where the “elves” would drop off small gifts each day leading up to Christmas. Things like pajama’s, trinkets, etc. and the kids would have to do a mini scavenger hunt to find them, then on Christmas day they’d get the big presents. I think something like that could be fun as well. 

Also, I want to teach my hypothetical kids the importance of giving back. There’s one youtuber I watch who is a phenomenal parent, and has taught his kids the importance of giving back via donations. Every year his child /wants/ to go through his toys and donate ones he doesn’t play with anymore to help kids in need and to make room for new toys he’ll get for Christmas. Like the kid seems genuinely happy  to get rid of his old toys rather than selfishly hold onto them. I’d be so happy if I could instill the same sense of giving in my own children. 

Honestly for me, whether its Yule or “Christmas” in so much as the cultural aspect of it that’s bled into every American home whether they want it or not, I just want to focus on simple, cozy, quiet things with my family over big fancy to-do’s. Like reading a book on Christmas even in a comfy pair of new pj’s with a mug of wassail with some candles burning. That sounds so much better than a big, stressful party with my whole family. 

That was kind of a long, rambly post. If anyone who reads all the way through wants to chime in on their traditions, I’d love to hear them! 

[jas-michaud]

𝙹𝙰𝚂'𝚂 𝚂𝚄𝙿𝙴𝚁 𝙵𝚄𝙽 𝙹𝚄𝙽𝙴 𝙸𝚃𝙸𝙽𝙴𝚁𝙰𝚁𝚈 ft. @redgrve

may 29 - june 7 ( my house )

june 7 - 12 ( disneyland )

june 12 - 19 ( louis goes home & i visit @mariguinto )

june 19 - 26 ( i fly to dc to stay with louis & his dad )

@gallaghertasks

they linger on campus a little after graduation ( jas insists on a room 207 + her breakfast together post ceremony and yeah she cried!! ) but don’t waste that much time before flying to montreal to visit jas’s family. thankfully for louis, it’s only a 2ish hour flight so he’s not that sweaty when jas’s older sister picks them up at the airport! her parents wanted to but her father is working and mila insisted she do it because that’s way less scary for a boyfriend though lbr louis is losing either way, he wants her whole fam to like him. surprisingly, mila decides to be chill the whole drive there and jas is thankful because she was positive her sister was gonna try to scare him just to be annoying!

they get to the michaud household and her little sister bee ( not that little, she’s nineteen lol ) runs out to hug jas and then she hugs louis and acts like she just got carried away but it’s because he’s cute and we all know it! jas’s mom doesn’t come out because she is in the kitchen making louis-friendly brownies and these pictures on the internet lead me to believe they taste better than they sound. louis is probs flustered by the attention but hello this is the family that produced jas, they are happy to do the most. a couple hours pass and her mother starts making dinner ( her mom is home because she’s a teacher so it’s summer vacation for her too obvs ) and her dad comes home and she hugs him and truly in that exact moment realizes she will not be there for father’s day and almost cries. and then realizes she will be with louis’s dad for father’s day? and she imagines louis still doesn’t rly know how to celebrate? do they ignore it every year?? she is determined to get him a present when she finds something for her own dad!

louis is nervy because dentists are scarier to him than spies but jas’s dad is nice and simply not scary and also i’m in love with him. bed time! jas is like it was a long day i won’t try to seduce you in my childhood bedroom this one time ❤️

they do canadian shit for the rest of the trip and jas continues to try teaching louis german. jas is so happy to be home, and to be home with louis specifically, and even if they both have to lie about their college and what louis is planning to do with his life it still feels like things are kind of amazing and on their last day in canada she finally starts thinking about the fact that they’re going to disneyland and!!!!!!!!

JAS BRINGS A PEN AND YES SHE IS MARKING UP THE PARK MAP THEY NEED TO DO THIS RIGHT OR WHY DO IT AT ALL!!! they only have four full days at disney. the day they get there is mostly just getting settled in the hotel and they watch a movie but jas falls asleep halfway through i hope they aren’t cursed to never successfully watch movies together. DAY ONE: a treat for the boyf, they’re gonna start with galaxy’s edge. then it’s frontierland, new orleans square & adventureland! it’s probably hard for louis to find stuff he can eat in the park so jas has made a list of restaurants in each area that might have at least one item she thinks is safe but also she has brought snacks!! meanwhile she is eating churro funnel cakes and mickey mouse ice cream bars and drinking mint juleps or whatever the fuck. she has a sugar high every damn day and then passes out every night which is why she initiates morning sex tmi? DAY TWO: gotta start with main street!!! then tomorrowland, fantasyland and toontown. they watch the fireworks, jas gets privately emo because she just l*ves her boyfriend, he probably almost says it then there’s a loud ass firework and he is stressed bc of loud noises ( lowkey i don’t like fireworks bc same ). DAY THREE: california adventure, baby! hollywood land, followed by grizzly peak and then cars land. they dip before it’s too late to hang out in the hotel and i am giving louis designated gaming time. DAY FOUR: the rest of california adventure which is just pixar pier, pacific wharf and paradise gardens park. they go out somewhere fancy because i say so. and because this is their last night together for a week. which is literally no time at all but jas cries a little when he leaves her at the gate to go catch his separate flight.

jas was originally supposed to go on vacation with the guintos, then the vacation was cancelled and she made plans with louis because she is very aware that she won’t see him that often next semester and she is...not okay but anyways! he said he wanted to go visit his dad alone for a week so she got to tell mari that she could visit after all and yay!!! because not seeing mari for a full month was wild! she facetimes louis every day which is unnecessary but it is what it is. and ofc she facetimed mari pretty much every day when she was with louis. they don’t do anything too wild, just hanging out in los angeles, but it’s still perfect and a lot of fun and she’s like bye see you in berlin love you miss you already.

louis picks her up at the airport in dc and she hugs him as if they haven’t seen each other in months and it’s generally a gross display but what else is new. she meets his dad and their dads are so different which is not surprising and his dad is so much unlike louis which is also not surprising but over the course of the week she finds certain mannerisms and expressions that they share and it’s amazing how genetics find a way despite everything! she likes his dad and hopes he likes her and when they leave for berlin a few days before the internship starts, it seems like?? he likes her and she?? is so happy. louis shows her as much of dc as he can in such a limited amount of time and even tho she’s a canadian she finds it all very interesting, probably more than most 21-year-old americans would! she also sometimes thinks about how georgetown is there but they don’t go to see the campus or anything, it’s just weird to think about.

they fly to berlin and louis tries to sleep through most of the flight and jas just likes having his head on her shoulder what is this the lizzie mcguire movie haha and when they arrive in berlin he is pretty well rested but she is dreaming of sleeping for the next five years.

[cherriedsin]

           𝚆𝙸𝙻𝙻     𝚈𝙾𝚄     𝙳𝙴𝙵𝙴𝙰𝚃     𝚃𝙷𝙴𝙼     ,     your     demons     and     all     the     non     -     believers     ?

tw     :     child     abandonment     ,     foster     care     system     ,     death     &.     murder     mention     ,     ferocious      writing      .

and     here     we     are     at     the     final     one     !     this     whole     time     i     have     been     telling     dorian     i’m     ready     to     stop     this     so     i     know     for     a     fact     she’s     as     happy     as     mwuah     .     i     didn’t     proofread     any     of     these     and     i     am     so     sorry     in     advance     for     the     quality     .     last     but     certainly     not     least     i     present     to     you     the     one     muse     i     truly     love     ,     miss     love     locklear     !     she     is     the     embodiment     of     pure     perfection     and     literally     would     die     for     anyone     even     if     they     don’t     know     her     there     i     said     it     .     as     before     and     before     that     ,     a     lil     hearty     heart     on     this     post     and     my     ass     is     urs     !     

╰     𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒     𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐒     𝐀𝐓     𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑     𝐎𝐖𝐍     𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐄     ;     the     anthem     won't     explain     it     ,     a     world     that     sends     you     reeling     from     decimated     dreams     !

government     name     :    love     chantal     -     marie     locklear     .

nicknames     :    lo     ,     lala     ,     ve     ,     perfect     sweet     baby     (     mine     for     her     get     ur     own     )

physical/actual     age     :      twenty     eight     .

hometown     :   west     monroe     ,     louisiana     .

occupation     :   psychology     teacher     at     watermount     high     school     .

gender     :     cisfemale     ,     female     pronouns     preferred     .

orientation     :     pansexual     .

height     :   162     cm     ,     5′3     .

weight     :     48     kg     ,     108     lbs     .

complexion     :     tan     and     hydrated     ,     skin     is     almost     like     silk     and     smells     of     fresh     lavender     and     waterfalls     ,     crafted     by     gods     to     deliver     sweet     messages     of     hope     and     love     .     no     blemish     or     marking     ,     only     a     butterfly     tattoo     behind     right     ear     that     dares     to     touch     jaw     bone     .

hair     :     thicker     than     both     blood     and     water     ,     cascading     perfectly     down     back     in     mesmerizing     waves     always     well     -     kept     except     for     nights     found     sleeping     at     home     desk     or     gaming     chair     ,     stops     right     before     back     dimples     and     smells     of     sunshine     and     coconut     .

distinguishable     characteristics     :    southern     octaves     twisted     with     sincere     tendencies     ,     attention     -     grabbing     smile     meant     to     make     ice     melt     ,     exuberating     positivity     and     hope     as     if     she     were     being     paid     to     do     so     ,     a     laugh     so     loud     one     with     hearing     loss     could     hear     at     perfect     pitch     followed     with     a     childish     snort     .

favored     :     forms     of     affection     ,     overindulging     in     junk     foods     ,    romcoms     &.     soap     operas     ,     cherry     lip     gloss     ,    hooped     earrings     ,    binge    playing    skyrim    for    days    at    a    time    ,    over    exaggerated    wardrobe    choices    ,   tequila    on    the    rocks    ,    fried    foods    &.    sweets    ,    watermelon    blow    pops    ,    being    the    mom    friend    ,     teaching     her     students     in     various     methods     to     find     out     what     best     helps     their     future     ,     the     idea     of      love     &.     soulmates     with     happy     endings     .

distastes     :     snakes   &.   most   bugs   ,     students     turning     in     assignments     late     ,   complusive    liars    with    no    remorse   ,   not     organizing     school     events    ,    the     bar      being     out     of     cheesed     fries     ,     music     that’s     not     2000′s     hits     or     any     female     pop     icon     ,     meat     that’s    not     burnt     to      a      crisp     ,     someone     being     mean     to     those     she      cares      about     ,     having     to     yell     &.     not      be     from     joy     ,     heavy    partying    but    not    exclusively    liquor    itself   ,   anyone   telling   her   no   ,   being   on   time   for   events   ,   &.    someone   telling   her   what   to   do   .

fears     :    failing     her     students     as     a     teacher     &.     fuckin’     around     too     much     &.    becoming     sinister     .     

aspirations     :     becoming     the     best     educator     for     her     students     &.     havin’     those     cute     thank     you     cards     written     about     her     .

╰     𝐌𝐀𝐘     𝐆𝐎𝐃     𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄     𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐂𝐘     𝐎𝐍     𝐎𝐍𝐄     𝐒𝐈𝐍     ;     your     misery     and     hate     will     kill     us     all     so     paint     it     black     and     take     it     back     !

it’s     hard     to     pull     the     roots     of     your     origin     when     you’re     just     at     a     lost     for     words     .     the     ladies     at     the     foster     home     back     in     louisiana     would     say     you     were     a     church     baby     ,     found     as     a     newborn     on     the     steps     of     the     chapel     and     taken     into     the     local     foster     care     system     .     apparently     the     pastor     couldn’t     afford     a     youngin     ,     for     he     said     he     would     have��    took     you     in     a     heartbeat     .     wasn’t     that     what     they     all     said     after     your     fellow     government     secured     siblings     would     get     picked     for     a     vacation     away     from     that     hell     but     you     ?     some     would     tease     and     say     that     you     were     too     quiet     ,     too     nice     ,     no     one     wanted     a     silent     child     .     but     how     should     you     act     ?     you     knew     nothing     better     .     you     wanted     to     stay     out     of     the     shadows     ,     out     of     the     eyes     of     others     ,     you     wanted     to     be     safe     in     your     own     arms     and     nothing     else     .     as     a     child     ,     being     without     a     real     family     scared     you     .     who     would     you     fall     back     on     once     school     would     let     out     and     you     were     of     age     ?     who     would     you     turn     to     in     dire     need     of     a     helping     hand     ?     look     in     the     mirror     for     that’s     all     you     will     have     .     being     at     the     foster     home     made     you     crave     for     better     ,     didn’t     it     ?     getting     shoved     ,     pushed     ,     sometimes     going     without     meals     .     you     never     interacted     much     with     the     adults     outside     of     coming     and     going     to     school     .     they     would     yell     for     bed     and     howl     for     morning     ,     punishment     would     follow     if     you     did     anything     besides     what     they     said     ,     and     sometimes     the     punishments     never     really     fit     the     crime     .     but     looking     at     you     now     ,     you     could     never     tell     what     childhood     scars     decorate     you     now     .     from     middle     school     until     grave     ,     you     would     be     the     personification     of     light     .     you     would     give     name     to     the     word     love     ,     for     that’s     all     you     ever     wanted     .     to     love     and     to     be     loved     .     to     have     a     family     to     fall     back     on     ;     cousins     ,     aunts     ,     uncles     ,     siblings     all     pestering     you     at     family     gathering     to     tell     them     what’s     what     and     who’s     who     .     but     ,     alas     ,     god     never     wanted     you     to     sip     from     the     chalice     that     is     a     happy     home     life     ,     and     who     are     we     to     question     our     maker     ?     

excellence     in     schooling     showed     as     you     moved     onto     college     ,     securing     your     degree     and     becoming     what     you     wanted     to     be     felt     like     that     last     quest     in     a     game     you     couldn’t     wait     to     beat     and     soon     ,     you     did     .     during     this     time     ,     though     ,     becoming     the     world’s     punchline     seemed     to     be     in     your     deck     of     cards     .     a     phone     call     from     an     unknown     number     sent     you     through     the     ringer     ,     going     back     to     your     hometown     to     demand     answers     from     the     hands     that     still     held     you     in     their     grasp     despite     the     poor     treatment     felt     from     theirs     .     you     had     gotten     violent     ,     something     you     never     desired     to     become     ,     as     you     sat     there     with     the     woman’s     collar     in     hand     while     top     of     her     body     dangled     out     of     the     window     .     she     was     twice     your     size     and     yet     you     lunged     her     out     of     the     opening     without     ease     .     that     was     when     you     first     screamed     .     it     was     almost     too     powerful     for     you     ,     yourself     ,     to     take     .     ears     rang     and     spewed     crimson     like     a     toddler     with     their     hands     in     a     stream     of     paint     .     it     was     an     instinct     that     turned     into     sound     ,     a     gut     feeling     bellowing     out     like     a     high     pitched     holler     for     the     devil’s     aid     .     the     woman     in     your     grasp     collapsed     from     such     sound     ,     it     had     caused     her     to     meet     her     untimely     end     and     since     then     ,     no     matter     how     confused     you     have     been     from     what     happened     ,     you     forbid     to     indulge     .     you     forbid     to     entertain     anything     of     the     nature     or     kind     ,     for     you     still     smell     the     death     on     your     fingers     .     you     still     feel     the     life     of     her     drain     from     contact     with     your     skin     as     sound     waves     bounced     off     earth     in     a     fit     of     fury     .     even     the     most     evil     didn’t     deserve     what     they     dished     out     ,     karma     had     always     been     a     hard     ass     ,     but     sadly     ,     mostly     to     you     .     you     fled     the     town     to     come     to     watermount     and     teach     ,     to     take     your     mind     of     past     events     and     to     create     lasting     memories     with     the     new     .     if     only     you     could     get     that     empty     feeling     in     your     gut     to     silence     the     rumblings     bound     to     find     their     way     out     .

[cacpartmobile]

sparc! interviews Teaching Artist, Maddu Huacuja

"I know what's in my heart and what's on my mind and I start creating images and have a conversation with the canvas."

This interview took place on the Zoom platform on June 10, 2020 Ekua: I want to introduce Maddu Huacuja, who is a friend, an esteemed artist, a very passionate involved community member who works with sparc! as a lead artist for our Paint Nights - along with many other things that she does with sparc! She attends and participates in Paint Jazz, she's done community based murals for Paint Salsa, so she's a part of our family.

We thought we would start our series by interviewing her with maybe some questions that I had and maybe some questions that you also had.

So welcome Maddu.

Maddu: Thank you it’s a pleasure to see your face.

Ekua: My first question for you Maddu, was how do you begin a painting?

Maddu: *chuckles* First I take a nap, after my canvas is ready I go to sleep in the studio.

Doesn't matter what time it is, day or night. I just lie down. I guess it’s a meditation but I feel like I’m dreaming the painting first and then I just make a mark anywhere on the canvas, just to break the whiteness of it. I generally have a vague idea of what I am going to paint. I never have a finished sketch or anything like that, it’s a general idea. I know what's in my heart and what's on my mind and I start creating images and have a conversation with the canvas.

Ekua: I think that's very admirable, given the beauty of your work. Another thing that I think is very admirable is how large you are able to work sometimes. Can you tell me, why do you work large, what's important about working large to you?

Maddu: Even though I seem like a very calm person and I am, I need to be moving. So the large canvas - I can move from one end to the other. Sometimes I have to get on a ladder or a step stool, and then I really feel like an artist, but I like the movement. I feel that if I’m moving the image moves. I also always have music playing, often loud and active music. I have a lot of different music. I put it on a roll and the mood of the song or piece moves me in a certain way, so that becomes part of my imagery. I feel like the movement is really important. I don’t want to paint a painting that isn’t moving.

Ekua: So you're not sitting down, you're not standing in one spot, you're moving around that canvas. Do you work in oil or acrylic, what kind of mediums do you use?

Maddu: I often mix acrylic with drawing. I rarely work with oil. I think again because of the movement, acrylic is faster, but I do like oils. Everytime I think about it I'm like, “Oh I want to paint with oils”. But when I get to the studio it’s like I’m in acrylic. I like having a bucket of water near me, maybe that’s all it is.

Ekua: Well It certainly does dry faster, which allows you to move through a very large painting a little bit faster. Do you feel that your subject matter is in a particular area that you don’t really stray from? Is your storytelling about a particular kind of story or do you move around? How would you describe that aspect of your artwork?

Maddu: It’s not a decision, it's sort of how it works out. My focus is mostly… well, I do a lot of abstract but also I don’t know if I’m mostly figurative. When I do figurative work I am focused on people that “don’t matter”, either symbolically or specific people. For instance years ago there was a massacre in Mexico and all these men were murdered and the women were left as widows and the children were all orphaned. They were very poor to begin with. So they went to the local city hall to make a statement to try to get help, etcetera. There was a tiny photograph in the magazine of these women with their babies and every single one of them was barefoot, and I decided to paint their portraits. As I was painting I was like, “Why am I doing this, here in the United States no one even heard of this place, let alone cared about it?” I just thought, “Well If I don’t do it nobody is going to do it” and it seemed important to me. So I struggled through all those toes and little baby feet. It was in the show that you saw at the Roxbury Community College gallery many years later. So sometimes an event that touches me is my theme. I think I am very connected to my Mexican roots, so it's not just in the events that happen but in my image making. It really is part of my DNA; the colors, the kind of images I create. I think it is influenced a great deal from my childhood in a city that was thriving: vibrant with public art, murals everywhere, beautiful fresco murals, with the famous three muralists Diego Rivera, David Alfaro Siqueiros , José Clemente Orozco. And also by Frida Kahlo's work. My mother was a painter, so even though she wasn’t painting I knew she had been a painter and her oils were in the closet. So, you know, it just became part of who I am. I think that still comes through. Sometimes my focus is specifically on women.

Ekua: So we mentioned RCC as the sight of one of your exhibitions. I know recently you’ve been spending some time over at Bunker Hill Community College and you had an opportunity to do some teaching. I am wondering how you feel teaching influences your artwork or has an impact on your artwork. Working with young artists, not just young artists but artists that you are mentoring within a classroom setting or within a community arts setting like sparc! the ArtMobile. How does that seep into your consciousness or into your work?

Maddu: I love teaching. I enjoy teaching spanish or art. I like all ages, so sparc! in particular is perfect for what I love because you have 2 year olds and 82 year olds and everything in between. I think teaching is fun, and as far as what I paint it’s freeing, it just loosens my hands, my mind. At Bunker Hill most of the teaching I did was around the exhibition that was up. It was called Open the Way and it was up from October through the end of February. So it was a long stretch and a lot of classes came in, and I learned a lot about my painting from my teaching these students.It was fascinating because, particularly in Bunker Hill, there's a really international student body. Every time there was a class there were at least 10 countries represented and several continents. It was very interesting because I said in one class that in a previous class people were not speaking up, and a student from the African continent, I don’t remember which country, it might have been Ghana, said “That’s because they are being polite. You don’t just speak in front of your elders.” I was like, “Oh.” I was humbled by that. Also, about my paintings, they saw things and told me things about how the work affected them and what they saw in it. That was wonderful for me to hear, really an eye opener for me.

Ekua: That’s so interesting that you can learn about your art from a viewer.

Maddu: Yes, totally.

Ekua: Revelations about the richness of your own artwork.

Maddu: Yes, I wish that I could have recorded everything that was said. Of course nothing was recorded and I always regret that I didn’t take half an hour afterwards to write down the things that I heard. That’s something that I definitely want to make part of my practice.

Ekua: When you're teaching at an event like Paint Night, and you have this audience from 2 to 92 and everything in between, do you come in with one sort of thing that you want everyone to leave with?  You know some people obviously have more skill with painting. Children are interested in mixing all the paints together and sticking their hand in it. Everybody’s entering from a different standpoint, but what do you as an artist hope to impart as a takeaway for each person?

Maddu: You know, the didactic part of me wants them to learn one thing at least. Even if it’s just what blue and red make, or something. I really want them to learn how to use a brush. There's always something that is very gratifying for me that they learn. But mostly, I usually come after my day job to a Paint Night because they are always on a Monday night, and very often I am like, “God, how am I going to make it through this class?” I’m so tired and my mind is mush and I get there and I just get this energy from sparc!. From all the helpers that are amazing, and without it I wouldn't do it, and from the students because they come with their own positive energy. So I hope they leave the class like I leave the class, which is feeling really happy. You know it’s uplifting to me to do the class. I figure if they are happy they are going to like art because it is a happy experience, and so I like them to feel good about what they did, and about themselves. I like to bring each kid up and show his work or her work and introduce themselves, and say something about the painting, which I think is a good thing regardless of what you’re teaching or what they are learning. Just to be able to get up in front of a group of people that they mostly don’t know and introduce themselves and speak up. It leads me to my other piece of my art and being an artist is, in this time - where I feel we are on the brink of many things - I think it’s really important for people to speak up. If they learn to speak up, to say “Hello! I’m over here and I have this much to say!” and to be able to say it. I think if they learned that we have accomplished something

Ekua: I totally agree with that. You know, initially I thought people would be very shy about getting up and talking about their work, but the overall atmosphere of a Paint Night seems like an environment where people feel comfortable, safe and feel welcomed. Little kids or people who have never spoken before a crowd get up and talk about their painting. They receive so much warmth and appreciation. I think it's such a key part of the Paint Night experience and I believe that you are the artist who started doing that, and now it has become a part of our best practices. So thank you.

Maddu: I’m very happy to hear that. I remember one kid in particular - putting her on a chair because she was so tiny. ”You stand over here and show everybody.” It’s like 45-60 people in the room, and it's a wave of “Aww that’s beautiful, that's wonderful!” Clapping. “Congratulations!” And the kid just seems to overcome their shyness. So yeah, I love it.

Ekua: Well I am sure you know we miss being able to do our Paint Nights this semester and we are looking at an uncertain fall. We don’t know if we will be able to be together in that room with 50-60 people. We will have to create something new. If you were speaking to some of the folks at home, sheltering at home during this pandemic, how would you encourage them to bring more creativity into their life - even though they aren't at a Paint Night, or they might not even have paints or supplies. Is there anything you can share with them about your life as a creative maker that they can apply to their lives now?

Maddu: I think the only way anything gets done is if you make room for it, and that goes for everything. So we tend to give prime importance to our job. You have to be there by 9 o’clock no matter what happens there you are. But when it comes to our own personal stuff we tend to give it less importance, like going to your exercise class or going to your studio seems to be less important - but it really isn't. I think the only way, particularly when we are sitting around and no one’s telling us that we have to be anywhere, we have to initiate on our own.  “Today at noon I’m going to drop everything and go to my studio.” Or “I’m going to pull out my little art stuff.” Whatever you have at home, put on some music or tapes whatever it is that inspires you and motivates you and just do something. It doesn’t matter how much you get done for an hour - or maybe that’s stretching it.

Ekua: I guess that can even be dancing or singing. I mean it’s not necessarily all visual art but just the idea that each of us has a creative spirit that is longing for expression.

Maddu: Right. Or sit down and write for an hour regardless of if it's your masterpiece or not - or your future novel. I signed up online for an app called Ulysses that is a writing app. I love it because it is very intuitive and you just write. You don’t have to save or anything, whatever you write is saved automatically. You don’t have to format. So it makes it easy. You have to find ways to know yourself enough to make it happen for you, make it easy.

Ekua: Well here is my last question. I was in another zoom meeting the other day and someone said we need to reframe all of our work as social justice work. I thought that was really interesting to think about everything I do in the context of social justice. So as not just an artist but an arts activist, how would you apply that to your life in this sort of immediate time? Being an activist and reframing as a social justice activist?

Maddu: Well the fact that this is a pandemic and we are all locked down - but here we are. We can still influence and speak up through all the media. We all need to be political. There is no option. It's not like, “Oh I’m not into politics.” Everybody has to be into politics. Making art, the decision to create is, in my mind, a political statement. The one thing I would say is, vote at every level, not just for the presidential elections but all your local elections. Find out who your local representatives are, call them up. You can do that, it's not hard. Write letters if that is what you are prone to do. Again it's a matter of everybody has to act and find what it is that you deeply care about and act on that even if it is about saving polar bears. You know if it's about politics or if it's about...

Ekua: Global warming, climate change.

Maddu: Everything is so dire, you know.

Ekua: Mhm feels that way.

Maddu: If you just hold it in you're going to die, so just do something, do anything. And do it with somebody else. Join a group and see what is going on. Meet on zoom and see what people are talking about. Together we rise. I think it’s always been a crucial moment, but this one is really obvious. People are dying everyday, thousands of new people are sick. This is really life and death, and if we allow the current president another 4 years I dont know whats going to happen.

Ekua: Heaven help us.

Maddu: I mean really seriously it’s not even like “Oh I like this candidate or that candidate”. Forget that. I think everything you do to influence the social fabric and what's going is literally saving the world. Saving the world for our children, for our grandchildren, for ourselves. And if we let this moment pass it’s going to be that much harder.

Ekua: And all of the tools at our disposal include painting, poetry and dance - things that touch the heart and soul.

Maddu: Absolutely.

Ekua: So everybody can do something.

Maddu: Everybody! Children can do something. They can write letters.They can study. They can read books and find out their history, find out what's happened before. I also don’t mean everybody has to go around in a panic and freaking out. I think we need beauty, we need to feed our heart and our soul and our mind with poetry and beautiful paintings, or intense paintings. But it’s not just about the intensity, but about the beauty and the love.

Ekua: Love is at the center of everything good, I would say.

Maddu: I think Rumi said “Love is the bridge between you and everything else”.

Ekua: Like that! Well, I want to thank you for taking this time out to be with us. I’m sure you and I could talk for another hour at least but I want to keep it within a framable amount of time that people can squeeze in or listen to while they are painting or whatever. We don’t know what will happen in the fall but whatever we're doing Maddu, we know that you're going to be a part of it, in terms of sparc! the ArtMobile and the Center for Art and Community Partnerships. We thank you so much for being a part of our family, contributing to the beauty in the world, and we will be back in touch with you very, very soon.

Maddu: Thank you for everything you do, especially for this community. And I am a total fan. I think you're a hero.

Ekua: Thank you so much.

[warmheartworldwide]

A Busy Gap Year - seeing through children’s eyes

The following blog comes from Rex Lin who is completing a six-week stay at Warm Heart:

I graduated from high school earlier this year and decided to take a gap year. Although I was a good student, I wanted to do something more than just studying all the time. I am not a typical Taiwanese teenager. My family lives in Homei township, in central Taiwan, and both my parents work in factories. My mother is ethnic Vietnamese and, like many others from southeast Asia, married my father and emigrated to Taiwan in the 1990s. She was very brave to leave her home in search of a better future and she encourages and inspires me a lot. I think that she has influenced me to become a more empathetic person. 

I first got involved in activism in high school. There is a nearby chemical factory with 1000 workers which was still using three older power plants which emitted toxic gases. Some of my classmates campaigned for a month and succeeded in getting those plants shut down. None of the workers lost their jobs because the factory has newer power plants that are up to code but which are more expensive to operate.

Initially my parents were surprised about my gap year decision but after I told them about my plans, they supported me wholeheartedly. I first became aware of children’s rights in the eleventh grade when I was the leader of our student association. I looked into any matter involving students and advocated for their rights. Then I was chosen to represent Taiwan and speak at a review conference of national reports on the rights of children. After that I studied the subject more thoroughly and spoke at the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child. 

I consider myself to be quite outgoing. Since I was 10, I have seriously studied English and use it whenever I can at international events where I can meet and make foreign friends. Since I enjoy public speaking, my first gap year activity was to organize a two-month lecture tour targeting 50 engagements all over Taiwan. Most of the lectures were staged at schools, NGOs or other institutions. On average, about 30 people came to each lecture. Mostly I talked about student and children’s rights and how to protect them. I got a lot of support and feedback from the students and teachers who attended. Since I am not from a wealthy family, I think my story inspired some people and made them realize that they can also change their lives.

After my lecture tour, I realized there are still so many things that need changing, both in Taiwan and the rest of the world, and that’s what I want to work for. I understand that change might come slowly and only in gradual steps. I also realized that I am a good listener and always ready to learn more about people and their lives.

In Taiwan, students try to show in their college applications that they have previous volunteer experience both at home and abroad. I had never volunteered before so when a friend told me about Warm Heart and its involvement with children’s education, I decided to apply. I liked Warm Heart’s grassroot approach and its “helping people to help themselves” philosophy. I thought that working more closely with the Thai people would allow me to truly understand their problems. At the same time, I was also worried about Warm Heart’s location in the countryside, in the middle of nowhere.  

During the interview process with Evelind, when she asked me about my plan for my stay, I panicked. I had just graduated from high school and had no special skills, so how could I really help? Whatever I had learned about children’s rights during my past experiences in Taiwan, how could I transfer the knowledge if I didn’t speak Thai? Luckily Evelind said that we would find out what I could do after I got here. I was quite relieved because I really wanted to come.

My parents wondered why I didn’t choose to volunteer in Vietnam but I had already been there several times to visit my mother’s family and wanted to discover a new place. I managed to get a government subsidy which covered about half my expenses. The Taiwanese government is quite generous with students who require financial assistance for higher education and I will also be getting grants to cover my university education. My last activity before coming here was at the 7th Global Trend Youth Forum which was hosted this year by Taiwan and where I served as a youth pilot.

After getting here, I began by observing everything and trying to understand how Warm Heart works and everyone’s role. I saw how great the burden of constant fundraising is. I joined visits to the elderly and disabled in our community. One visit was to a grandfather who did not seem to be disabled. He had a wife and sons and his home was in good condition. At first I didn’t understand why he needed help. But after more visits, I realized our goal was to establish a good relationship, one of trust. Even though I needed to go with Noina, Warm Heart’s public health staff member, who translated for me, the residents really appreciate our visits and getting the attention.  

Fellow volunteer Malory says goodbye to local resident when she finishes her time at Warm Heart

Many of the elderly feel neglected because their family members are too busy working and unable to spend much time with them. Lying all day in bed by themselves, just watching television, without enough human interaction, they can get overcome with stress and other negative emotions. We pretend to be their sons and daughters for a short time. We ask them simple questions like “Did you sleep well last night?” or “Do you have enough blankets to keep you warm?” We show that we actually care.

Every project at Warm Heart is aimed at improving the welfare of the residents in the surrounding communities. At the same time, it is important to always respect the residents. I wondered how they perceive Warm Heart, an NGO set up by foreigners that uses foreign volunteers. Maybe they don’t really need us. But then I think that our role is to help them see the different possibilities of ways to improve their lives. If we can build up their trust in us, they will gradually accept us and the obstacles and walls will break down. So maybe sometimes we need to slow things down and work more on building the trust.

Biochar stand with other volunteers at Citylife Garden Fair in Chiang Mai

The most valuable lesson I´ve learned at Warm Heart is how to see the world through the eyes of children. Most of Warm Heart’s kids have had a difficult start. Some have parents who take drugs or risk imprisonment; others have dysfunctional families and have been neglected. I asked myself, what do these children really need? Do they really need more dull classroom lectures? In Taiwan, many people think that children from poor families just need to study hard to improve their lives. But there is a big difference between the opportunities for children who are supported by their families who have resources and those who are not.

Warm Heart kids share their photos with volunteer John (left)

I think the Warm Heart kids all know that education is important if they want to find meaningful work. Warm Heart cooperates with several hotels, restaurants and tourist agencies to involve the older kids who are interested in internships or apprenticeships leading towards decent jobs. But the kids lack creative activity that teaches them something about the world and themselves. With this in mind, I organized several activities during my stay. In Taiwan, kids welcome the coming of the winter solstice by making sweet rice balls. My goal was for the kids to feel a sense of achievement when eating the rice balls they had made themselves. Seeing their smiling faces when they tasted the rice balls for the first time, I knew that our bonds were closer.  

Warm Heart kids make sweet rice balls

Warm Heart has been in operation for over a decade. It takes a long time to build the trust which is needed to effect true change. As the Warm Heart kids grow up to be pillars of that trust, going into higher education and creating good lives for themselves and their families, we will gradually see the fruits of our hard work.

I now regard myself as a budding social anthropologist. Observing and learning more about everyone’s social and family contexts, their customs and living habits, helps me help them. As for working with children, I just want them to be able to evolve happily and in a carefree way. Our task is to provide a positive environment with sustainable economic support and stable educational resources. Without obstruction, hopefully each child will then be able to find their own path.

My busy gap year will continue after I leave Warm Heart. Before resuming my studies in sociology at the National Taiwan University in Taipei, I have a short-term paid contract with the Taiwan Alliance for the Advancement of Youth Rights and Welfare, a large NGO. In collaboration with the Scottish children’s and youth parliaments, our committee will be creating a model children’s parliament to show the Taiwanese government how it works. There are many children’s parliaments across Europe but, as far as I know, there aren’t any yet in Asia. We will build the structure and encourage students and children to join and empower them accordingly. It's a tough task but I’m looking forward to the challenge.

Mali, Wonhui, Malory (front), John and me (back)