#every time I read about how brave he was or how he “died to save his daughters” i wanna vomit

[cryingoverfictionalcharacterss]

One of the characters I hate the most in acotar is Papa Archeron.

And I'm not talking about their years in the cabbin. He was dissabled and traumatised. I don't blame him for that. Overall I don't blame anyone for anything taht happened those years. They all tried to help however they could but they were in an unfortunate situation and they were doing theis best. I do think he should've done more. Maybe he wasn't able to do anything physically, but he should've been there for them emotionally. And yes he was traumatized and depressed but so were the girls and they are his children and even tho I myself am not a parent, I think you don't really have the luxury of falling into depression when you have three children depending on you.

That being said I hate him because he's a bad father. He didn't bacome bad father when they became poor, he's ALWAYS been a bad father.

So youre gonna tell me that you're gonna watch your wife and MIL groom and abuse your eldest child, insult you middle and straight up neglect your youngest and do nothing about it. That man got way more than he desserved.

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

not sure if I've already requested this so sorry if I have haha,

but how would the m6 react to a mc with sh scars? if it's not too heavy of a topic for you, if it is, I completely understand that :)

The Arcana HCs: M6 when MC has SH scars

~ not too heavy at all, anon, I'd actually been hoping to write this at some point and your request gave me that excuse! to anyone else who relates a little too much: you're not alone, your pain is valid, and there is hope for you even when it doesn't feel like it - brainrot ~

CW for: references to scarring and self-harm. I can remember points in my life when this would have been triggering for me to read. If this would be triggering for you too, please prioritize your health.

Julian

He noticed early on that you'd get a strange look on your face when he mentioned being comfortable with experiencing pain, and he's been curious about why for some time

You generally found a way to hide them - whether with your clothes or in the low lighting - until after you defeated the Devil, which was when Julian was less distracted enough to notice more details

Like the unusual textures that appeared when your clothes shifted as you moved around your daily tasks, and how hellbent you seemed on immediately adjusting them

He waits to approach the subject until he knows you're both in a calm headspace, after the day is done as the two of you lounge in front of the fire with your dinner

He wants to hear your side of things, but the first thing he's going to ask is to let him look at them. He's a doctor, he loves you, and he wants to know the extent of the damage and how he can help your healing

Might cry a little, but hides it and refuses to make it about himself by pulling you into the biggest hug instead

It throws him into some serious self reflection, which leads to lots of late-night talks about self-destructive habits and how you two can best support each other in a way that's loving and not enabling

Will get a matching tattoo if you choose to cover them that way

Asra

The first time they saw them was right after your resurrection, and their heart sank right down into their feet

Here he felt like he'd just saved you, only to find that you'd not only woken up in a miserable state, but that the life you'd had before had been far more painful for you than he had been aware of

Which is when they became determined to give you such a good life and so much platonic love and support that the scars on your body would truly belong to a past life

The first time you asked him about why you had them, he said they were leftover from an old battle that you had fought very bravely. Going into any more detail only made your headaches worse

They did watch your behavior and mood closely, though, in case you started to fight that battle again. They never judged you for them or offered to smooth them over

After you defeated the Devil together, he told you the truth about them and what they meant, even though he didn't know the details of why you had them

It was also their chance to give you an apology for not noticing before you died, when they were still your friend and cared about you. They know it's not their fault, but the guilt was still there

He kisses them every morning and night

Nadia

She's heard vague stories from her family members about people who were in so much pain that they would self harm, but she'd never seen such a strong example in person

Which is why she initially assumed they were the result of some fierce battle or tragedy, and planned to ask you later

She first noticed them when she was fitting you for a new outfit, and saw how hesitant you were to let her look at them. Everything she's made for you since covers them completely

She finally asks about them several months into your relationship, expecting you to either not remember or to hear a moving story of conquering some fierce enemy or fighting for a loved one

To say that she doesn't expect your answer is an understatement. It surprises her so much that her only response is "oh," in an unusually small voice, before moving on to the next topic

She's able to process it the next time she's alone, when she's struck both by her awe at your capacity to fight something so dark and by her grief that you've been doing it without her all this time

Clears her next evening to have a private dinner with you, first so she can apologize for her initial response and second so she can invite you to tell her more about it and offer her support

Likes to dress you herself so you know you're not alone or unseen

Muriel

Knew exactly what they were as soon as he saw them, which was less than half a day into your travels South with Morga

And promptly refused to talk about it because he can relate to those dark impulses more than he'd like to and because he didn't see it as being any of his business. But he does start to watch you

He watches for any sign of pain, he watches how you fix your clothes, he watches how your gaze falls on any sharp object, because even if it isn't his business he cares more than he expects

He becomes less and less discreet about how closely he's observing you until you finally notice it one evening, how the firelight falls on your scars and how his eyes fixate on them

At this point the reciprocated staring is so awkward that he'll do anything to fix the tension, so he shuffles and mumbles something along the lines of "You can talk about it if you want to. I don't mind."

So you do, and he gets hit square in the chest with how much he's come to care about you over the course of the trip

He's especially frustrated because he empathizes so deeply, and since he doesn't know how to fix himself, he's worried he'll only mess you up further

In the end, he learns to apply the kindness he feels towards you to himself as well, and sees your scars as valid as he sees his own

Portia

She's still very embarrassed (and slightly ashamed) for how things went the first time she saw them

She'd noticed something peeking out from your clothes, and how you seemed focused on covering them, and falsely assumed that it was some cool magical tattoo

Which only piqued her curiosity. This has to be juicy, and she's determined to get a closer look. Which is why, as soon as you'd become friends, she took her first chance to snatch a look

And then froze. And then dropped you, and then burst into tears. How could this happen, MC? Why would you do this to yourself? It looks like it must have hurt so much -

It's unfortunate but you're going to have to comfort her first while she works her way through the five stages of grief. She loves you, and she's heartbroken and confused about why this would happen

She needs time to process how she feels about it before she can listen to you without having a meltdown. Her normal response to self-destruction is a fist to the gut (Ilya) and that wouldn't do

Ends up following your cues when it comes to how she talks to you about it. If it's in the past, it's in the past. If it's a current struggle, then she's your partner. She'll be right next to you

She does think your fighting spirit makes you badass, though

Lucio

He's not great at noticing details unless they directly correspond to physical strengths and weaknesses. Any kind of scarring from a wound is (from his experience) a totally normal thing to see

When he starts to notice how you cover yours or get weird about them being touched, he asks about it right away

You've got such cool scars, MC, why are you hiding them? You should show them off so everyone knows how battle-tested you are! Here, he'll show his off too! *cue him stripping off his shirt*

It's a little difficult to know how best to respond to this. You're each other's life partners by now, he should probably know the truth, but you don't know how to burst his bubble

You do end up telling him later, once you're settling into your inn for the night, and watching the realization and hurt dawn across his face is anything but easy

MC, why? You deserve the best, you are the best, you're his best, you're telling him that you treated someone like yourself this poorly when you were showing him so much forgiveness?

He's not trying to guilt you at all, but it comes close to having that effect. The only thing he can think to do is hug you really really tight and hope it convinces you that you deserve better

Still refers to them as your battle scars, because to him they are

[lixzey]

Letters.

tw: mentions of self harm and self hate

The Ninth Letter. 

It was a long shot, but Timothée knew he had to. He had to find her. It surprised him, just how much he cared for this girl. He didn't know her, but he was desperate to find her—to understand her. Timothée felt a sense of loyalty to her, vowing to finish her letters one by one—and not skipping to the end. Sure, he could save a lot of time if he'd just go on and skip to the last letter. But that felt like betraying Y/N—as if it was skipping to know the person who'd poured her heart out in the last eight letters. 

Timothée sighed, before closing his laptop and putting it away. He was in a meeting with the private investigator he had just hired two days ago. The trail was undoubtedly cold—because the only clue they had was the stamps on Y/N's letters. Still, the young actor wasn't going to give up that easily. He picked up the next letter and ripped it open. It was dated July 27th, 2023. 

Dear Timothée, 

Don't kill the butterfly,

That's what I heard the girl whispering beside me while I waited outside of my therapist's office. It was a year ago, when I started with Julie. I'd been staring at her, not realizing she was muttering something onto her shaking hands. A whisper, so quiet that I would've missed it if I hadn't been looking at her like an animal at a zoo. She was repeating it again and again, “Don't kill the butterfly.” like some sort of mantra. 

At first, it seemed strange. Because she had a butterfly drawn in black ink on the back of her hand—it wasn't a tattoo—it was smudged, clearly drawn on with a pen. It wasn't until I asked her and realized what the butterfly was. 

It's called The Butterfly Effect, and it's to help people who self harm—people like me. The idea is that every time a person wants to cut, they would draw a butterfly on their wrist and name it after a loved one. You have to let the butterfly fade, and if you cut, the butterfly dies. 

I felt terrible. I've been killing the butterfly, over and over again. 

The next session I had, I asked Julie about the girl—her name was Jane—and when I realized what had happened to her…..Let's just say, I haven't seen anyone so brave. 

I feel like a mistake. A waste of space. If I was brave enough, I'd already done it, but I hadn't. Who knows? Maybe someday, I can and I'll be free from all the bullshit of my life. Or, I'm just taking my time. 

Why am I even still writing to you? I feel like an idiot, wasting my money to get stamps, to send these fucking letters you won't ever read. But what if you are? Maybe you're reading my letters, reading how my life is hell. 

Anyways, I stapled a photo of myself at the end of this letter. I know, I know, I'm an ugly piece of shit. Not like the girls in Hollywood—not like fucking Kylie Jenner. How do I even compete with her? Next to her, I look like a potato with eyes. 

Maybe, just maybe…..

But I don't want to get my hopes up. 

I don't know what to believe in, honestly.

All my love, 

Y/N. 

Timothée stared at the photo, a beautiful girl was staring back at him—she had mesmerizing (y/e/c) eyes and long beautiful (y/h/c) hair. She was smiling. As if she wasn't the girl who wrote the letters he had read. He quickly snapped the photo and sent it to the private investigator. 

Timothée didn't know why she called herself ugly. Does she even look at herself in the mirror? She was beautiful, the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.

“Stay with me, Y/N. I'm going to find you, even if it's the last thing I do.”

@lovemelikecrazyiloveyoucrazy @helens3amstuff @gatoenlaciudad

[burninbriight]

after reading the sun and the star my semi-dormant pjo obsession has risen and is infesting my brain side by side with bsd. so.

bsd percy jackson au: a series of self indulgent hcs

skk is the percabeth of the situation. iconic duo. unstoppable. EVERYBODY has heard about them. literal legends among the demigods baby

dazai is a child of athena, chuuya a child of ares

dazai's team beat chuuya's during capture the flag once and chuuya went aight bet. and kicked dazai's ass during the next capture the flag. his team still lost but at least he got an excuse to fight that annoying know-it-all bandaged and beautiful son of athena

the rest is history

the akutagawa sibilings are children of hades. goth mfs

now imagine them having the same storyline as the di angelo sibilings... now in this au you can see why akutagawa talks like he belongs to another age

gin would consider joining the hunters of artemis, but in the end they end up refusing to not leave their brother alone. plus, being immortal would mean seeing him and all of their loved ones die, and gin has had enough of her loved ones dying

if skk is percabeth, shinskk is solangelo

does atsushi fit the standards for a child of apollo? idk but i can't think of another godly parent for him so be it!

unlike will solace, healing is not atsushi's strongest task but he still spends a lot of time helping in the infirmary

and that's where he meets ryūnosuke

unlike solangelo the initial hostility is NOT one sided. ryū behaves like a bitch? atsushi gets bitchy right back.

cue to atsushi looking extremely pissed while bandaging ryū's arm and them muttering insults at each other

ryūnosuke swears he hates that fucking failed doctor and atsushi would almost believe him if it wasn't for the amount of times ryūnosuke has tried sacrificing himself to save him during their quests

also in this au rashomon is a hellhound like mrs. o'learly. she's a sweet doggo that devours space and souls

or she's one of ryū's cocoa puffs? (does this count as a tsats spoiler taken out of context?)

you know that one scene in tsats where nico kisses the back of will's neck and says "i'm proud of you"? now picture that as atsushi to ryūnosuke. yeah.

also atsushi has plague powers bc i say so

yosano is the real will here: overworked healers who feel extremely guilty for every patient that died under their watch to the point of considering themselves murderers

she runs that infirmary like it's the navy

she's also a hell of a fighter, both with bows and arrows and with her own fists

bff with ranpo, who's the oracle!

they gossip abt apollo (boyfail) and complain abt their respective fundamental but hella hard roles at chb

also besties w/ chuuya

also hear me out on kousano in this au... yosano falls helplessly in love with hunter of artemis!kouyou. kouyou tries to convince herself that she's not falling for that bossy and selfless and brave doctor because she has an oath to keep and she couldn't let love knock at her door again. so everytime the hunters come to chb kouyou keeps yosano company and it's all longing looks and painful yearning. yosano wishes she could convince the redhead to break the oath and stay.

but she won't. i <3 kousano angst

moving onto happier lesbians. gin loves wandering by themselves in the forest or by the lake. people know them as the demigod who just fucks off to take a stroll in the woods and disappear there for an indefinite amount of time

and that's how she meets an awkward, stubborn but lovely dryad: you guessed it, it's higuchi!

gin was having a bad day and kicked a tree because they were just so angry— anger turned to guilt when the tree fucking yelped

gin immediately apologized and higuchi asked them what was bothering them. gin never loved to talk, so they were very surprised by themselves when they started rambling about their problems to a dryad they just accidentally hurt

from that day gin began spending even more time in the forest

sometimes they bring higuchi to camp

it isn't unusual for dryads to wander around camp, but higuchi usually kept on her own before meeting gin

higuchi helps gin to open up about their emotions and lower their walls, gin helps higuchi to make friends and to value and love herself

chuuya's fatal flaw is loyalty, dazai's is pride, ryūnosuke's is holding grudges, atushi's is holding too tight onto the past, gin's is also loyalty, yosano's is guilt

tachihara is a child of hermes. parallels between two regretful traitors el oh el

except that luke fucking sucks while tachihara has my heart

OKAY NOW OPEN YOUR EARS. STORMBRINGER ENJOYERS RISE. RIMLAINE AS SILENA AND CLARISSE..... CAN YOU SEE WHAT IS SEE........

lucy is deffff a child of aphrodite but she's so lovely she doesn't even need to use charmspeak to get what she wants. whatever you say beloved princess

idk why but i can picture her throwing an hairbrush at an ancient titant like rachel... her and rachel are acc pretty similiar imo but i will not elaborate

poe is an athena kid! the biggest loser in cabin 6!

lucy and yosano tease him on his crush on ranpo

ranpo is there like damn. is this guy gonna confess or do i have to tell him we are going to date via prophecy

poe is a surprisingly good archer, the apollo kids are almost jealous

nikolai is an hecate kid. a little trickster. a silly magician. he will steal your nose but like in the literal sense and he might not give it back

his best friend is sigma from the aphrodite cabin. sigma cannot fucking stand him

nikolai is actually the reason why sigma has split colored hair. it used to be fully white but one day nikolai went heyyy girlie look at this new hair trick my sibiling taught me :] and sigma ended up actually loving the look? so they kept it

the dryads love sigma and he spends a lot of time with them. they braid flowers in each other's hair and chill

nikolai on the other hand somehow befriended the arpies

fyodor is a child of nemesis. edgelord

jouno is a child of hermes, the eldest in the cabin

half of the camp wants him, the other half wants him gone

teruko is a child of hebe, the goddess of youth!!!!

she's ones of the oldest campers along with jouno, but she prefers to keep her child form for unknown reasons

also i can see her joining the hunters tbh

that's it for now folks i hope someone appreciates my brainrot xoxo

[deansmom]

Everytime I point out that Dean Winchester is autistic, people get mad or look at me like I’ve spontaneously grown a second head, as if this man’s existence isn’t just checking off boxes for the diagnostic criteria

Special interests: westerns, cars, mechanical engineering stuff in general, 1960’s & 70’s music - specifically classic rock, monsters. You’re gonna look me in the eyes and tell me that it’s totally normal for someone who was born in 1979 to have borderline encyclopedic knowledge of two decades of music????? Hundreds of years of monster lore??? — for fuck’s sake, he had a train thing when he was little!!!! Those are special interests!!!!

Restricted diet: it’s mostly for Jokes but dean genuinely doesn’t eat much beyond burgers, diner food and pie.

Dean didn’t speak for months after Mary died and there’s 15 years of canon evidence where he loses his voice during moments of Big Emotions!!! He’s going nonverbal!!!!!!!

Trouble with social cues: literally look at every single instance of Dean trying to interact with strangers, ESPECIALLY in the early seasons. He’s not playing dumb, he just doesn’t get it. Also, watch any scene of this man TRYING to flirt and tell me that he’s any good at it. You know why? That bitch is mimicking the fucking movies and tv shows he grew up watching.

Sensory processing disorder: DO YOU THINK HE WEARS 87 LAYERS FOR FUN???? FOR FASHION????? WHAT DID YOU THINK ALL THE FLANNELS WERE ABOUT. THEY’RE SOFT. Also think about how much he liked the nightgown and the robe. ALSO, ALSO: school!!! It’s loud, it’s smelly, it’s dirty (his germ thing), the lights are too bright, there’s too much sensory input happening at one time. Between being so overwhelmed in school that he couldn’t focus and John pulling him left & right for cases and Sam, no wonder dean dropped out :(

14.04. The comic book episode is an ENTIRE episode about dean and his special interests!!!!!! And his social anxiety, hiding out in his room at the beginning of the episode because of all the strangers in his home 😤

Emotional regulation problems: those angry outbursts?? Destroying the Impala??? LOOK ME IN THE EYES AND TELL ME THATS NOT A MELTDOWN

His whole personality is a mask! He based his whole life and personality around the men he grew up around! John, Bobby, the other hunters - we all know that dean isn’t this rugged manly man he puts on. Sure people can have layers, but my man literally wore his dad’s actual jacket for fucking years

Black & white thinking: this doesn’t need anything else tbh

Strong sense of Justice: “how many people do you have to save?” “All of ‘em. Whole wide world of sports.”

Literal thinking: half the show is about how they both have to learn to look at monsters and not immediately go “monsters bad.” Also literal thinking is hard to explain, but I promise he does this.

Hyperlexic: “what? I read?”

“Too blunt”: all those times you thought “that was kinda harsh Dean” or “wtf that was so mean” - he doesn’t like lying to people when he doesn’t have to!

Hyper empathy: “The baby in the well? My bad.” “I do my best to be brave.” Sacrificing himself for people over and over again. The djinn episode and the speech he makes in front of John’s grave. His whole life he’s been told he cares too much!!!!

As a fellow AuDHD bitch, the most AuDHD thing Dean has ever said was “we know a little about a lot of things. Just enough to make us dangerous.” Also: “I got no idea. But what I do have is a GED and a give ‘em hell attitude, and I’ll figure it out.”

Like I could dive into the nuances of all of these and explain them in great detail and find textual evidence for basically everything, but it’s too early in the morning for that much work when I know that I’m right. Yeah he has adhd, obviously, but I will eat my left hand if that man isn’t autistic.

[nyerus]

Hi, Nyerus... Long time no see.... 😆😘 Sorry I just got log in to tumblr again. Because of you, I got into TGCF 3 years ago, thanks so much.... 💐

I know maybe this ask have been ask before, but can I ask your top 3 (or top 5) fav quotes from TGCF and why you love them? Thanks if you want to answer....

Welcome back! <3 It means the world to me that I helped you get into TGCF!

My top quotes from TGCF have gotta be (random order):

"Only having met you did I rediscover that it's such a simple thing to be happy." This quote absolutely killed me on the SPOT when I first read it. 😭 Xie Lian realizes how revealing it was for him to say this, but he was completely honest there. He spent centuries alone, in terrible conditions, always secretly hoping that maybe one day he would find someone who would cherish him for who he was, faults and all. He didn't have much happiness in his life, but was grateful for every kindness he encountered. Now with Hua Cheng, Xie Lian is finally able to laugh again, to feel safe, and be truly happy. Such simple, human things that he'd forgotten due to how lonely and difficult his life was.

"To watch with your own eyes your beloved be trampled and ridiculed, yet being unable to do anything. That's the worst suffering in the world." This was so iconic of Hua Cheng, and it comes before we learn the truth of what really happened to him and Xie Lian in the past. It perfectly describes why he is the way he is, and it sent chills down my spine! I think it's quite underrated, as well. Hua Cheng saw Xie Lian harmed and ridiculed so much in the past -- he will not stand for a single instance more!!! ;o;

"You saved me. I've always looked at you. In this world, there are countless people more 'successful' than you, but none of them could have saved me like you did. None of them could have done those things you did -- You have no idea how much courage you gave me, for me to become the me today." This quote is from Hua Cheng in the final amnesia extra. That whole extra was very entertaining and fun, but then it hits you with this and I started sobbing like a baby hahaha! Once again, it perfectly encapsulates why Hua Cheng is so in love with Xie Lian: not just because Xie Lian caught him, but because Xie Lian saved him in so many ways. He was the only person in Hua Cheng's life (after his birth mom died) that showed him true compassion and gentleness. Who believed him, and believed in him. This gave Hua Cheng courage. And then he saw Xie Lian stand against the impossible to try and help others, and continue to do the right thing even when it caused himself harm. Something no one else would do. Of course Hua Cheng fell hopelessly in love.

"Something like saving the world, it really doesn't matter how you do it. But, although brave, it's foolish. [...] Although foolish, it's brave." I love this quote because despite how much he admires and respects Xie Lian, he isn't afraid to give his honest opinion on things as heavy as Xie Lian's very ideals. He doesn't agree with Xie Lian's morality, and doesn't think the common people are worth saving in the same way as Xie Lian does. I feel like sometimes, people get the wrong idea that Hua Cheng is a doormat who just goes along with Xie Lian's ideas -- but that can't be further from the truth. Hua Cheng is quite vocal and straightforward about his own goals/morality/etc. He knows it's different than Xie Lian's, but that's just who he is -- a terrifying Ghost King who will do things his own way. (And Xie Lian really really likes that about him, and wouldn't want him to change!)

"What matters is you, and not the state of you." First said by Xie Lian, and then repeated by Hua Cheng when Xie Lian needed to hear it the most! It's THE iconic, quintessential Hualian quote. So of course it's a fave!

Thank you anon for sending in this ask! I had fun with it!

[kckt88]

A Time for Grief.

Summary:

In the aftermath of Blood & Cheese, Vaera and Aemond struggle to cope with the loss of their son Aemon.

Warning(s): Grief, Mourning, Child loss, Suicide attempt, Desperation.

Word Count: 1140.

Author Note: A companion piece to Harrenhal and the Rivers but can be read as a one-shot.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the House of The Dragon or Fire & Blood characters nor do I claim to own them. I do not own any of the images used.

Comments, likes, and reblogs are very much appreciated.

Ever since the funeral, Vaera had felt like she was stuck in an endless loop of grief, replaying Aemon’s death over and over again in her mind.

The way he stood in front of her and Rhaegar, so brave and fierce just like his father.

His struggles against the vile fiends who seized him, the way he thrashed, screamed, and kicked at his captors.

The way his innocent amethyst eyes widened in alarm as the blade slashed at his throat.

Vaera couldn’t stop seeing his little hand grasping out for hers as his blood poured onto the stone floor.

Even Rhaegar’s voice screaming for his father to come and save them will stay with her forever.

Every night she would pray that it was just a nightmare and when she woke, she would see her sweet boy again. But it was real. All of it. She didn’t know how much longer she stand the pain.

Then one day, in her grieving haze. She wordlessly rose from the chair in her chambers, left Rhaegar with the nanny and walked the length of the corridor, ignoring the looks of the concerned guards and maids as she walked past.

Where she was going, she didn’t know. What she was doing, she didn’t know. But she walked nonetheless, her bare feet slapping against the cold stone floor of the Red Keep.

Then she was there, the room where Aemon had died. It had been shut up and abandoned since, but Vaera pushed open the door and took a step inside.

The blood stains had been cleaned but Vaera could still see them. Running like rivers in every direction.

It was there, that pain in her chest. It wouldn’t go away. She just wanted to see her sweet boy again, to hear his voice.

Then like a smiling seductress, the tendrils of salvation reached out towards her.

The open window. Beckoning to her. For weeks she had been lost in a sea of darkness, but here was the light.

This was how she would see him again. Her sweet boy, her little dragon.

Vaera opened the window as wide as it would go and clambered up onto the windowsill.

Ignoring the panicked shouts of Ser Arryk who had found her chambers empty and chased after her.

“Get Prince Aemond. Quick”.

The sun was shining, the birds were singing. Vaera closed her eyes as the wind caressed her face.

Just as she was about to step forward, Vaera heard Cannibal roaring in the distance.

Almost as if he was begging her not to do it, she could feel his sadness and despair.

“I-I have to” whispered Vaera.

The squire raced through the Red Keep, towards the council chambers. Praying that he made in time.

Not even bothering to knock he burst through the wooden doors.

“P-Prince Aemond. Come quick”

“There is a council meeting in session you-“ raged Otto.

“-It’s Princess Vaera. S-She’s going to jump” shouted the young squire as he whirled around and raced out of the council chambers.

“WHAT” shrieked Aemond as he took off running after the squire, ignoring the frantic calls of his mother and brother.

Aemond’s heart was pounding in his chest as he chased after the squire.

Not to their chambers, but to the room where Aemon and Jaehaerys had been killed.

Ser Arryk was hovering near the door softly calling Vaera’s name, seemingly terrified to take another step inside the room.

When he came to a stop at the door, he understood Ser Arryk’s hesitation. 

Vaera was standing at the open window, her hands gripping the frame as she teetered on the edge.

“Issa jorrāelagon” whispered Aemond (My love).

“Nyke jaelagon naejot ūndegon zirȳla aril” replied Vaera (I want to see him again).

“Nyke gīmigon ao gaomagon, yn daor raqagon bisa” (I know you do, but not like this).

Vaera shook her head and closed her eyes.

“Kostilus issa jorrāelagon” begged Aemond (Please, my love).

“We’re never going to hear the sound of his laugh or see his face again” cried Vaera.

“W-We will. In our hearts”

“He made us so happy. Him and Rhaegar” said Vaera.

“We will talk about him, every single day and we’ll laugh, and we will cry. Vaera, no one will remember Aemon like we do”.

“H-How do I stop this pain? How do I make it go away?” wailed Vaera as she staggered on the edge of the windowsill.

“We deal with it together” said Aemond is voice wobbling.

“I-I just want him back. I want him in my arms” wailed Vaera.

“I know you do. But please Vaera, don’t do this. Think about Rhaegar, he still needs his mother” cried Aemond as he motioned for the Kings guard to stay where they were.

He didn’t want to spook Vaera, she was so close to the edge. One wrong move and she’d either slip or impulsively jump.

The Cannibal and Vhagar could be heard roaring ferociously in the distance.

“I don’t know how to live without Aemon”.

“Please, my love. Do not let me also suffer the agony of losing my wife” begged Aemond.

“A-Aemond I-I can’t-“

“You are the love of my life, my reason for existence. If you die. I die. I cannot live without you. Please come away from the ledge. Please don’t-“ said Aemond as he extended his hand and slowly walked forward.

“I don’t want to forget him” sobbed Vaera quietly as her body shook.

“We won’t. I promise” said Aemond seizing his chance as he quickly lurched forward, secured his arms around Vaera’s waist, and yanked her back from the window.

“How is she?” asked Aegon as he hovered near the door to Aemond and Vaera’s chambers.

“Sleeping, the maester gave her something” replied Aemond sadly as he stared at his wife’s sleeping form, her hands clutching one of Aemon’s old blankets.

“I-I’ve never seen her like that” whispered Aegon.

“I don’t know what to do brother. I-I-“ gasped Aemond, his breath catching in his throat.

Suddenly Aegon wrapped his arms around his brother and held him tight.

Aemond struggled against his brother for a moment before he broke down.

“I-I can’t s-stop-” exclaimed Aemond his face pressed against Aegon’s shoulder.

“-You don’t have to. Just let it out” urged Aegon.

Moments passed as the brothers embraced one another. Ignoring the members of the Kings guard who were hovering nearby.

“H-Helaena?” asked Aemond as he wiped his nose on his sleeve.

“Mother is always with her and the children” said Aegon softly.

“What about you?”.

“I can’t think about it. If I do I end up drinking to forget. I need to have a clear head right now. This cannot go unpunished. They took our sons. They will pay” said Aegon firmly.

“Fire and Blood” replied Aemond.

“Fire and Blood” repeated Aegon nodding.

[haru-natsuka]

By his side (Yushiro x Female Reader)

Genre: Slight angst

It would be great if you read this after knowing what happened after the battle with Muzan. That being said, this post might contain spoilers. Happy reading.

There was no one by his side except for the demon cat. All his friends had already died and the only one left was their ancestors. Even his lady had died during the battle with Muzan. Decades had passed and yet he still remained the same. The same young boy named Yushiro everyone used to know.

The people nowadays only know him as a famous painter of a lady in kimono. It was so devastating living by himself alone to be the only one who remembers, the only who exists and the only one survived. The thought of being in joy to still be alive never crossed his mind as the entire time he could only reminisce about the past. There was just no future memory that could treat it.

'Are you sure you want to be a demon. Being a demon is a lonely being...'

He could barely remember his lady voice now when she asked his consent to turn him into a demon. The longer he spent his time alive, the more he forgot about her face. Slowly, his painting was also full with a faceless lady in a kimono. Ironically, it became one of his famous paintings.

As per usual Yushiro went to visit his friend's graves to do his duty as the only one who remembers them. They were someone who was so brave in sacrificing their life in the battle with Muzan. The grave was empty most of the time. No one wants to visit an old grave after all due to the rumors it is being hunted. In his hand, there is a banquet of anemone to put one on every grave of demon slayer corps.

His feet were dragged across the road as he always would feel deep woe whenever he visited the grave. The agony that started to fill his heart made it even hard to breathe but Yushiro is a stoic guy so his face was maintained as expressionless although her heart felt otherwise.

As Yushiro was about to enter the old graveyard, his steps came to a halt upon seeing another being already in front of a tombstone. From afar he made out it was Tanjirou's grave. As if she could also feel his presence, the person turned their body to his direction.

Yushiro breathed halt as if there was a lump in his throat upon gazing at the person, a lady. A lady in a kimono who shared the same face as the person he holds dear. The face he was about to forget. It was the lady who saved his life from death.

How come Lady Tamayo was in front of him?! This was surreal. She clearly died and even her presence felt different. No, no one could replace the lady he hold dear in his heart. He should control his unstable emotion. The lady in front of him was not Lady Tamayo but he could figure out one thing. This lady, was a demon like him based on her scent.

"Another demon?..." Yushiro heard the lady whisper at the end of her breath as her eyes trails over him. Even her voice did not sound the same as Lady Tamayo who possesses a matured voice as the person in front of him sounds more high pitched. Like the voice of a young teenage girl.

'She is not her. Even after all these years, she has never come back...'

"What are you doing here?" Yushiro's harsh voice came out before he could control the tone to make it more gentler which took the lady by surprise. His disappointment went out of control as once again his hope for the latter to finally return shattered. Instead of being hostile towards him, the lady only smiled politely before calmly answering his question.

"I'm visiting my rescuer. It takes me a lot of time to reach here but I finally did after decades" The lady changed her gaze from Yushiro to Tanjirou's grave back. On the grave laid a fresh morning glory symbolised as friendship.

"Tanjiro is your friend?" The lady only nodded her head in response as her eyes never left the grave. The reflection in her eyes held multiple emotions but Yushiro could make out one of them as it also reflects the same as his.

"How about you. Are you also friend with him?"

"I would never call him my friend" His answer only made her smile. If he was not a friend then who would tend the grave this neat.

"Thank you for taking care of the graves. Everything look so tidy and I guess your are the one taking care of it based on the flowers in your hand. I will get going now"

"Where will you go?" Yushiro did not know why he tried to even put effort in conversing with this demon in front of him. Was it due to the reason he felt relief at least he was not the only demon left?

"Somewhere without any sunlight. I don't really have a fixed place to stay but I'm not even in need of one right." It was true as for demons the only way for them to survive is to have blood or humans to eat. A proper shelter was the last thing to be considered as long as they can avoid the sunlight.

"Don't you feel lonely?" Loneliness for decades was what tortured Yushiro but he barely admits it as if he ever recognised it, he might feel worse. He could even go insane watching or waiting for anyone he knows to die.

"Being a demon is lonely right? Rather than hiding my emotion I would admit my true feelings. I will recognise it proudly as that is the only way to amend the negative feelings. Truth to be told, I live because Tanjirou saved me so I don't want to waste his sacrifice. I want to proudly live as someone who could remember how great of a person he is"

Listening to her words made Yushiro feel complicated feelings. He could reflect on her words which mirrored his. Having her as his companion by his side might cure a lot. At least someone to accompany him in this endless life would be better if that person has an eternity life like him.

"I can provide you a place to stay. Come with me" The invitation seemed to catch the lady out of her guard as he smiled flatter a bit before it returned back on her face like nothing happened.

"I'm not gonna reject that kind offer but are you sure? We are basically strangers"

"I'm Yushiro" He flatly said as he did not want no for an answer. It took the lady some time to respond back but instead of turning him down, she gazed directly into his eyes, full of gratefulness.

"I'm Y/N. Please take good care of me" That was how both demons could cure their loneliness. By living side by side with each other.

[simpforfandoms]

Never Love Again

listen to the song shawty baes

100 followers WOOT WOOT 🙌

thanks y’all so much here’s some angst bc I’m a little angst whore, also requests are open so please request I'm running out of ideas

part 2

pairing: Jason Todd x reader (i don’t think any gender is specified)

genre: angst

summary: Jason Todd’s death has left a mark on you

word count: 1251

warnings: death, descriptions of abuse (kinda). I did not proof read this

masterlist

April 27th, that's when he died.

wish I could, I could've said goodbye

His funeral was held at the Gotham City cemetery. He was buried in the Wayne plot. You know he would much rather be buried next to Catherine Todd. Not Martha and Thomas Wayne, people that he didn’t even know. Bruce invited you to the funeral. When you arrived it was filled with people Jason didn’t even know. People that he wouldn’t want there. The funeral was a glorified press conference. Bruce used the funeral to explain his wards death. Of course he couldn’t tell them the truth. That Jason Todd died a hero. It infuriated you to see Bruce fabricate a whole story to keep the truth away from the public. It infuriated you that the Joker was still on the lose after what he did to Jason. It infuriated you that the whole world sees Jason as an immature child. It infuriated you that you didn’t stop him from going.

if I knew it would be the last time

You knew that him trying to find his birth mother would be dangerous, but somehow he convinced you that it would be okay. You made the mistake of trusting him. With a goodbye kiss he walked out the door. That was the last time you saw him alive. If you would’ve known it would be the last time, you’ve would’ve held him tighter. Kissed him longer. Begged him not to go. But at last the past is the past.

I would've broke my heart in two

tryna save a part of you

When Bruce told you the story of how he died, you laughed a bittersweet laugh. Of course it was like Jason to try to save someone that he barley knew. You only wish that Jason could be seen as the hero he truly is.

 I wanna pretend that it's not true

You didn’t believe he was dead at first. Even going as far to make Bruce take you to the morgue where his body was. When you saw him you couldn’t contain your self. You broke out in a sob, holding his lifeless body, begging for him to come back. Anything. Bruce had to drag you off. It was evident that it wasn’t a fast painless death. It was slow excruciating death. The love of your life didn’t deserve to die like that. No one did.

that you're gone

At the end of the service Dick came up to you to offer his condolences. You find it ironic that Dick, the person who resented Jason from the beginning, now suddenly cared for him. You tried to be nice to him. Put on a brave face. You know that’s what Jason would’ve wanted. He wouldn’t want you to cry over him. But just because you didn’t cry doesn’t mean you weren’t in pain.

cause my world keeps turning and turning

Years after his death and you still weren’t over it. You’ve went off to college, graduated, got a job at a boring tech company across the country, but yet everyday you thought about him. You only did all those things because you knew Jason would want you to continue living your life. You’ve been in countless dates none of them ever filling that Jason Todd sized whole hole in your heart. Maybe part of it is that you don’t want to move on. You don’t want to forget the time you had with him. You don’t want to know another kiss. You don’t want to feel another touch. You don’t want to give your heart away to another stranger. You’ll never love again. You’ve rather wait to be reunited with him in whatever afterlife he’s in.

and I'm not moving on

Jason lived in the apartment across from you. It was just you and your dad and Jason and Catherine. Your dad was hardly home but when he was he was either passed out drunk or hitting you drunk. You saw Jason every morning when you left to head to school. Jason never went to school, he would stay home taking care of Catherine. He would stare at you. A part of him was jealous. You got to live a life he never could. Eventually you got tired of his cold stares and confronted him.

when we first met

“Would you please stop staring at me” You said

Jason was stunned for a moment he had never heard your voice before. Angelic was how he would’ve described it. Regaining his composure he said, “Don’t flatter yourself”

“Wouldn’t dream of it” you rolled your eyes and continued the journey.

I never thought that I would fall

That was the first time of many you talked. Over the years you and Jason became best friends of some sort. When Catherine died, you were there for him. When he would come home with bruises and scrapes from stealing you would patch him up. When your dad got to be to much he would let you stay over at his apartment. When you he was adopted by Bruce Wayne you were heartbroken having to see him go. But you were happy that he got to leave this horrid place. He deserved the world. You still remember the day when he told you he was leaving. You two were sitting side by side on the rooftop of the building.

I never thought that I'd find myself lying in your arms

“So that’s it? You’re just gonna leave and never see me again?” You said voice cracking turning towards him

Jason eyes soften, he pauses, “you know I could never go one day without seeing you” trying to lighten the mood

“Jason you’re gonna go live in a mansion across the city. Be realistic.”

“C’mon y/n quit being a Debbie downer. I promise you I will always make time to see you” he said

You search his eyes trying to find any hint of dishonesty but you find nothing. You close your eyes and sigh, “I’m gonna miss you Jay”

“I know.” He said pulling you into a hug

don't want to feel another touch

Jason did keep his promise. You were enrolled in Gotham Academy with Jason. Probably because of a certain Wayne. You ended up seeing Jason everyday and spending frequent nights at the manor.

Your and Jason’s friendship eventually blossomed into more, slowly but surely. One day he came through your window all beaten and bloody in his robin costume. You freaked out at first until you realized it was just Jason.

“Jason what the fuck?” You whisper-yelled

don't want another name falling off my lips

He just groaned in response. You quickly grabbed the first aid kit and patched him up. He flinched at each stitch.

"Jay I need you to stop flinching"

"It hurts." He moaned

You hummed in response.

"Kiss the pain goodbye" Jason said abruptly.

You blanked out for a minute. A million thoughts flooded your brain. You thought it was joke. There was no Jason could feel the same way about you. Oh but he did. You were proven this when Jason pulled you down into a kiss.

I don't wanna know this feeling unless it's you and me

A bittersweet memory. Robin brought you together but also brought you apart. That's all you can think about before falling asleep.

don't want to give my heart away to another stranger or let another day begin won't even let the sunlight in oh I'll never love again

...

part 2

[bsd-fan]

Chuuya´s Analysis part one: Introduction

I´m gonna be real here, this is less an analysis and more a super long rambling. I´m sorry.

I love bsd, I can talk about it for ages. I can talk about the contrasts, paralellisms, relationships and characters without getting tired because all of them are so well done and you can really see the effort behind every single one of them, but when it comes to chuuya? It´s a whole new deal. Chuuya´s characterization is simply fascinating, every little detail about his character was so carefully done and it really is evident for the readers to see how much planning was involved in his creation. Chuuya is genuine and transparent where Dazai is cryptid and unreliable, which means that yes, he is far easier to read in comparison with Dazai but this doesn´t mean that he is less complex because of this, he actually has one of the most complete and interesting  characterizations of bsd. Let me add that just like Dazai, chuuya is also a big pain in the ass to analyze but that´s not because he is an unrealiable character is because chuuya is without doubt the most /contradictory/ character from the whole series. 

You´ve probably wondered about chuuya at certain point. He is barely in the story, it has never been a secret that he is a side character but even then he still is the second must popular character (only behind Dazai that appear far more than chuuya does) and I will confidently say that he is the most loved character from the story. The man appears 3 seconds in the trailer and people are going crazy about him, he has appereances of like a minute and that´s what the fandom will be talking about for weeks and if he is not in the manga? You can bet your ass that people will be complaining about that. You can see the ambivalent opinions of the fandom for most of the characters but this generally speaking doesn´t apply to chuuya (yes, there may be people that doesn´t like him but is such a minority that is kind of irrelevant) Honestly a big part of it relies in his personality. From all the bsd characters chuuya is the most similar to the typical hero of the stories. He is powerful, charismatic, caring, noble, selfless, honest and canonically speaking a terrible liar, genuine, conventionally brave and pathologically loyal.

Now the interesting thing is that chuuya´s character take all of this good characteristics and gave them a twist. 

This leads us to the first contradiction, how can someone have so many hero-like characteristics and still be on the “bad” side? what is the thing that makes chuuya a morally grey character? To answer this, let´s trace a parallelism with the most morally “correct” character in the story: Kunikida doppo.

While reading the novels I noticed something fascinating: Chuuya and kunikida use the same quote to define themselves. EXACTLY. THE. SAME. ONE. 

(First picture is from the official traslation from the first light novel “Osamu Dazai´s entrance exam and is from kunikida´s pov. The second one is the from the official traslation of “Stormbringer” said by Chuuya)

But even if the quote is basiccally the same one, they mean completely different things while using it and that´s because their core as characters is completely different. This is especially obvious during the cannibalism arc:

Kunikida is an idealist, for him to “do what must be done” means to act according to his ideals or in a way that will lead him to the ideal outcome (This is honesly an over simplified take on his character but this is not a kunikida´s analysis) So in this arc, Kunikida refuses to kill Mori because the ideal is to find a solution where they don´t fall into fyodor´s manipulation and nobody dies. Problem is they don´t have time for that, kunikida gets paralized because he can´t find the best solution and Ranpo steps in. Chuuya went for a different option. Just as kunikida he knew that they were being manipulated but he chose to go along with it because his priority  was to save Mori. For chuuya to do what needs to be done is not about ideals, is about protecting the important people in his life and while this is a central part of him, we need to understant that this need to protect come from an even deeper part of him. This is where the analysis really start.

I´ve say it before but Dazai and Chuuya are a mirror image of each other. Two sides of the same coin. At first sight, they may seem completely different. Their personalities, life perspectives, moral system and beliefs constantly clash but actually a lot of this differences come from a same root. They have exactly the same main conflict and that´s their inability to recognize their humanity and the desperate need to find it despite that, but the way they experience and deal with this same conflict is completely different beacuse the origin of the problem /is/ different. Dazai´s main problem with his humanity comes from a distorted perspective of himself caused by a prolongued alienation and isolation from the rest of the people. Chuuya´s problem with humanity is in the  literal sense of the word. He doesn´t know if he is human or if he´s not and from this problematic arise other situations that consolidates his lack of humanity in chuuya´s mind. He appears in this world at seven years old without memories, without family, without dreams, without an /identity/. All of them human things, all of them things that chuuya lacks. So, if you don´t have any of those things how can you call yourself a human being? To this, let´s add that people reinforce this idea by deshumanizing him /all the time/

He is the king of the sheep.

He is arahabaki. 

He is the God of destruction. 

He is a safeguard. 

He is a vessel. 

He is a number. 

He is 2,383 lines of a code. 

People seem to see him as everything except as a human being. 

“The calamity that breathes-The god with a beating heart. Arahabaki, you are alone. Nobody can ever understand you. You are neither a god nor a human. You will simply struggle amid your fellows before dying with nothing but your own embrace to comfort you”-Verlaine. Dazai, chuuya, fifteen years old. 

But just like Dazai, the problem is not in how people perceives him, the problem is that chuuya believes it. 

At fifteen chuuya conceives himself as a mere container for arahabaki, his personality a safeguard for his ability. Chuuya doesn´t see himself as a human being, just as a powerful asset.

“Hey. You wanna know why I always fight without using my hands? (…) I’ve never lost a fight in my life. I’ve never even been in real danger…but that’s not surprise. After all, I’m not even a human. My identity is a safeguard, like you said. Nothing more than a pattern etched on a colossal furnace of power. Hey…Do you know how that feels”- Chuuya from Dazai, chuuya, fifteen years old. 

And thing is, chuuya is extremely concious about his lack of humanity but god, he clings to it with everything he has and it´s still not enough. In stormbringer, Verlaine, N and basically every single person reminds him once and once again that he is not a human being, that he only exists as a result of an experiment, that he is only a weapon to be used, that he is only a code, that he is a clon. Choose whatever you want from the above because the idea behind them is the same. Chuuya is not a human being. 

Except he is.

And that´s what stormbringer is about and this is the reason this is the most important arc for chuuya´s character. 

I´ll continue this in a second part. 

[still-with-koo]

Ok Lo 🥹 with teary eyes I am here to discuss Vincenzo.

But I wanna read your thots first!

VINCENZO!!! yes let’s discuss!!! but first and foremost THANK YOU for recommending it. seriously i had given up mid-way thru the first ep a few months ago but no one can deny you have the best taste 😘😘

I LOVED IT!!! it’s actually now in my top 5 of all time. i binged the hell out of it, it was that good. (i even stayed up nights watching 😭)

(the rest under the cut with spoilers)

i think the standout for me was song joongki, mostly bc of how adorable he is 🥺 i wanted to squish his cheeks (and other things 🥴) and him and hanseo???! the softness! the lil face slaps! him finding hanseo cute! 🥺 and kwak dongyeon was perfection. i cant remember the last time i saw a redemption arc that massive 😳 oh, actually the only one i can think of to compare it to is steve from stranger things. he went from being kinda annoying to one of my absolute favourite characters. the fact that he tried to fit in with the trio was so adorable, i couldn’t stop saying ‘cute, aww cute’ pretty much everytime he came on screen after he switched to vincenzo’s side. remember when they quizzed him 🥺 he studied. he actually studied. pls he just wanted a head pat and someone to tell him he was doing a good job :((( he was actually such a sweetie pie, imagine if he didnt have the devil incarnate as a brother, he would have turned out so well. vincenzo was the brother he deserved 💔 and i just, i can’t get over how things ended for him (wait no they didn’t end, he’s definitely coming back in season 2!!) tbh i was actually pretty mad at vincenzo for not stepping in and doing something, anything, to stop what happened. to save him. 💔 he’s such a skilled fighter, i feel like he could have jumped in and maybe avoided… i can’t even say it 😭

ok, but on a happier note, vincenzo’s relationship with chayoung was also super adorable, that slow burn was everything! EVERYTHING!! their 10 second hug? her smacking him? 🤣

(he’s so attractive 😭😭)

and chayoung was such a badass character, i wish i could be that brave and assertive. and man oh man, she is so strong! the way things ended with her dad, that scene was heartbreaking :(((

ok switching back to happy, can we talk about the male on male affection in this show?? i never get to see it and it’s just so disappointing bc yes! pls hug each other! kiss each other! tell each other you admire the other! it’s healthy! it’s freeing! i’m such a sucker for tiny displays of affection, and his interactions with everyone had me clutching my blanket on the verge of tears. ugh every single person in this kdrama was adorable. the intelligence agent especially, his awestruck admiration for vincenzo had me both soft and cackling 🤣

(pls he’s so funny 🤣 also, perfect timing??)

but all the geumga plaza ppl were surprisingly cute with really interesting back stories. it’s funny, i was thinking to myself how weird it was that all of them had some special talent and then they said the same thing seconds later 🤣

the estranged mother side story was also heartbreaking. i wish they had more time together and that he could have called her mom, but i understand him and why he couldn’t say anything. at least they both knew it before she died, and i’m so grateful chayoung was there to bring them together 🥺💕 the scene where she hugged him, i bawled. and when she was talking about him as he was bawling. and then again when he read her letter 😭

ok last but not least, taecyeon!! i can’t believe i didn’t recognize him??! but he did such an amazing job. and the plot twist was perfection, i was in shock and that hardly ever happens for me (my stupid brain always anticipates plotlines 😭😭) i went from finding him adorable to being in love to hating him resolutely to feeling really sorry for him all in the span of a few eps. although i can never forgive him for how he treated hanseo 😔

but he is an incredible actor! and the writers are also amazing. choi myunghee also did a fantastic job! i hated her but i guess i was supposed to 🤣 oh! that scene when vincenzo came to their hq and shot his mother’s killer gave me goosebumps, it was so well done 👏

i rambled on here oops… but there was sooo much to talk about! there’s a lot more but i should stop here haha. who were your favourite characters?! favourite moments?!

[englishstrawbie]

Prompted by @devonofnine - “you’re worthy of my love” - thank you! 

>>>>>

Maya paces up and down outside Carina’s hotel room, absentmindedly wringing her hands together. She bites down into her bottom lip and lets out a long, nervous exhale.

She should be excited. Just twelve hours ago, Carina had told her that she wanted to fix their marriage and agreed to go on a date with her. Maya should be making plans to sweep her wife off her feet, instead of lingering in a hotel corridor like an idiot. But, as happy as she is at the big step forward they took last night, her mind is stuck one thing.

She made a vow to Carina yesterday to rebuild their foundations, to make their relationship stronger than it ever has been. How can they do that, when there is one thing – one big thing – that Maya needs her to know? A thing that might rock their foundations beyond repair.

Maya has been thinking about it all night, barely sleeping as she had stared up at the ceiling above her bunk. Old Maya – the Maya before her accident – would have buried it and kept it a secret, telling herself that it is better than Carina doesn’t know. But she isn’t that Maya anymore and she owes it to Carina, and their marriage, to be honest with her from the beginning – otherwise she has no hope of winning her back.

She takes a deep breath and knocks three times, willing her heart to stop beating so fast as she waits for the door to open.

Carina is surprised to see her.

“Maya! What are you doing here?”

“I… can I come in?”

Carina shoots her a curious glance and steps back, opening the door wider to invite Maya into her room. Despite the distance that has grown between them, she can sense that there is something weighing on Maya’s mind.

“Is everything okay, bambina?”

Maya smiles at the nickname, a familiar term of endearment that she wasn’t sure she would hear again. She looks around at the hotel room. She wishes every day that Carina was at home with her, safe and happy in their apartment.

“Maya?”

“I, uh, I need to tell you something,” Maya says. She looks bravely into Carina’s eyes. “Something that I don’t think you’re going to like hearing.”

She sees fear and confusion on Carina’s face, sees her body tense, and guilt courses through her again.

“When I was… before I…” She sighs. “After Beckett told you and everyone else about the blackmail, I was pissed and I wanted to hurt him. So I bought him a bottle of whisky and took it to him. I left it in his office, knowing that it would tempt him. I wanted him to be tempted.”

Carina doesn’t say anything and Maya can’t read her.

"I don’t know what happened next with Beckett, because I was so far into my own head that I didn’t care. But he was probably drunk that day at the training exercise when Cooper died and, while I know that it wasn’t my fault, I know that my actions contributed to it.”

She looks away from Carina at that point, blinking back the tears that pool in the corner of her eyes, and takes another deep breath.

“I thought you should know,” Maya continues. “You deserve the truth before you go on a date with me. In case…”

She trails off, too scared to finish her sentence.

“In case I decide that I don’t want to save our marriage after all?” Carina finally speaks.

Maya looks back at her and nods.

“You should know everything before you jump back in.”

“Maya,” Carina says softly, stepping forwards. “It’s too late for that. I’m already in.”

She reaches out to brush Maya’s hair out of her face, curling it behind her ear. Maya closes her eyes at her touch, tilting her head into her hand.

“And you’re right, I don’t like what you just told me. But I’m glad you did. And it doesn’t change anything about what I said yesterday.”

Maya shakes her head, dropping her eyes. “I did something terrible.”

“Maya… my love, look at me,” Carina says. She waits until Maya lifts her eyes. “You were sick and, yes, you did something terrible – and you’re sorry about it. I could see that before you even told me about what happened. Tell me, bambina, would you do it again?”

“No!” Maya says without hesitation. “Of course not.”

Carina smiles. “Then that’s all I need to know.”

“But I keep doing things that make it hard to love me. What if…?”

“Maya, I will never stop loving you,” Carina tries to allay her fears. “If I’ve learned anything these last few months, it’s that I love you completely. And what you need to learn is that, even in your darkest days, you are worthy of patience and forgiveness.” She lifts her hand and runs it over Maya’s cheek, wiping away the tears that fall. “And you’re worthy of my love.”

Maya forgets to breathe for a moment as she wonders if Carina is about to kiss her, but instead she slides her hand around Maya’s shoulders, pulling her close and hugging her. Maya buries her face into Carina’s neck, breathing in the familiar scent of her shampoo.

“I love you,” she murmurs.

Carina doesn’t say it back, but Maya feels her embrace tighten and she allows herself to be held for a moment.

“So,” Carina says when they pull back. “Where are you taking me on our date?”

“Can I take you out to lunch today?” Maya asks.

Carina scrunches her nose. “I’m working today. How about tomorrow?”

“I’ll be on shift,” Maya says. She feels impatient and doesn’t want to wait too long before she sees Carina again. “Why don’t you come by for dinner? Andy wants us to do something nice for Theo while he’s acting captain – and you know the team always loves to see you.”

“Okay,” Carina says with a small smile. “How about I bring cannoli for dessert?”

Maya returns her smile, the guilt that has been weighing down on her washed away as relief floods her body.  “Sounds perfect.”

Romantic moment prompts

[charmquarkstrangequark]

Young Agent Lockwood

Or

My HC About Young Agent Lockwood That I Hold to be Incontrovertibly True Despite No Supporting Evidence Whatsoever

(Also, Spoilers from the books, so don't read on if you want to remain pure)

-Gravedigger Sykes sought young Lockwood out. He read in the paper about Jessica's death, saw the mention of the earlier deaths of Celia and Donald, and realized Anthony was all alone. Having gotten into ghost hunting himself for similar reasons, he realizes he can offer young Anthony a mission, something to focus and be active on to assuage his guilt.

-Sykes had friends at DEPRAC who filled him in on the back story, namely, that young Anthony had managed to use a rapier to destroy the ghost that killed Jessica despite the obvious shock of finding her very blue and dead just seconds before. Impressed by his early and natural talent, Sykes encourages young Anthony to continue to pursue fencing, and signs him up for every competition.

-Prior to recruiting young Anthony, Sykes ran a small independent firm, mostly dealing with cemetery issues, hence his nickname. He isn't very polished, and the wealthier clients thus choose to engage larger firms rather than Sykes.

-Once he meets young Anthony, with Lockwood's natural grace, manners, and posh accent, Sykes realizes Anthony is his ticket into better earning jobs. He takes Anthony to a shop to buy him a suit, but upon seeing the boy's shock at the expectation of buying something off the rack, Sykes pivots and takes Anthony to a tailor instead. Thus begins Anthony's obsession with bespoke suits. Sykes encourage the tailor to make the suits just a half size too small, to emphasize the boy's height, and young Anthony gets used to the feel. Sykes has less than zero knowledge about fashion, so he gets a subscription to a men's fashion magazine, tells Lockwood to memorize the season's looks, and bases the boy's wardrobe on what's in the glossy pages. To this day, Lockwood carefully peruses the fashion magazines to make sure he's not out of touch.

-Young Anthony becomes the face of Sykes Psychical Investigations. He learns to use his natural good looks to charm the dowagers into hiring his company for their higher paying jobs. This is the start of viewing himself as a "mansion specialist" rather than a graveyard agent. It was Sykes who felt mansions were a better job, and Anthony looks up to the man.

-One day, Sykes hands young Anthony a copy of the Times with a story about Rotwell gracing the front cover. "You're a thousand times better than him," Sykes tells Anthony. "One day, it'll be your face on the papers and in the gossip rags." Hence young Anthony's prurient interest in gossip magazines and his burning desire to be on the front page of the newspapers. It's Lockwood's "This will be us" moment.

-Sykes dies on a job because of a mistake made by the other junior agent in his company. The other boy is overcome by fear and cannot act quickly enough; Sykes jumps in to save him, but due to his age, does not have enough talent to truly see the ghost, and is killed. Young Anthony is not there because he's competing in a fencing competition (the one in which he poked Kipps in the bottom, and Flo took the championship). Feeling guilty that he wasn't there to save the day, Lockwood never signs up for another competition. He hangs the newspaper clipping about the competition on the wall to remind himself what happens when he pursues his own interests instead of the Job. He also decides he will never be overcome by fear; he will always be the first one through the door, the one to keep his cool, the brave one.

-With Sykes gone, the boy whose fear caused Sykes' death quits ghost hunting and becomes a relic boy, and it's really just Lockwood left. He goes to DEPRAC to see if he can take over the company, but for legal reasons, he can't carry on without a "Sykes" at the helm, so he decides to learn how to create his own agency.

-He's researching the process at the Archives when he meets a newly fired George. George hasn't told his parents that Fittes fired him yet; instead he sneaks out every morning and spends the day at the Archives. He sees Lockwood struggling to figure out where to start. Feeling sorry for the slightly younger boy, George helps him locate the necessary books and documents, negotiate the red tape, and find the loopholes that will permit a 14 year old to start an Agency AND qualify for DEPRAC insurance. Along the way, Lockwood's charisma and enthusiasm infect George, and he signs on, telling his parents he's found a better job offer, one with more upward mobility than stuffy old Fittes. George and Lockwood are spending a lot of time at Portland Row, getting things in order, and at some point Lockwood just offers George the empty bedroom on the landing that used to be Celia and Donald's study, and George accepts it. Being used to the domesticity provided by his family, George begins to take on simple cooking and cleaning chores. George's mum also takes pity on young, orphaned Anthony Lockwood and insists George invite him to all their family holidays.

-Eventually the boys take on an assistant, Robin. But Robin is a bit older than either of them, and doesn't take orders well. One of these incidents results in Robin's unfortunate passing, and Lockwood immediately decides he will not tolerate any agent under his leadership to buck his orders in the field; it's just too dangerous. Also, having three teen boys in an agency run by the youngest among them resulted in too much peacocking. Thus, Lockwood places an ad in the papers, looking for an agent, preferably female, and not above fifteen years in age. The first few interviews are disasters, and Lockwood is feeling frustrated and defeated. Then the door to the living room opens and in walks George. Behind him, in a jumper, skirt, leggings, and a little cap, with hair cut short in a bob to avoid ectoplasm burns, is a wide-eyed girl with a northern accent, a feisty temper, and the ability to save him from himself.

[hexenmond]

A dreamling fic idea

Haven't posted here in forever, and the first thing pouring out of me is a wild writing prompt I came up with today, having spent more than two months devouring dreamling fanfic (which is wild in itself, maybe I'll write about that as well. The devouring I mean).

Most of the idea comes from À Cœur Vaillant by WyvernQuill. It's a fishbowl rescue fic, but the one who does the actual rescuing is a still very young Alex Burgess, who in turn gets saved from his father's ire by Paul McGuire. So that's lovely. (Go read it!)

And in general I like it when people who have done shitty things come around at some point. Like Hob got involved in the slave trade and came to see just how wrong that was. Because we're humans, and we fuck up sometimes, and it can take us a long time to be able to see it – and then what happens? How do we deal with our own shittiness once it has irrevocably happened? Do we try to be better, or shy away from the mess?

So I thought, what if Dream's in the bowl, and Alex shoots Jessamy, and old Roderick dies, and Alex is left with a prisoner he never wanted but is too cowardly to set free (canon so far). And Paul tells him it's wrong, repeatedly, but is a coward himself, so nothing actually changes.

But some time before 1989, Paul McGuire finds it within himself to put his foot down – and there are several interesting things that could make this change of heart happen. Possibly a coincidental chat with a certain immortal about regrets, or just some life event that shakes him awake. And he goes to Alex and says, hey, this is wrong and can't go on. In your heart of hearts, you know that as well as I do. We should free him, even if that means we'll die. We aren't free while he is not free.

And Alex protests and all of course, and tries to talk him out of it again, and panics, and flips his shit – but when Paul is still determined after some days and takes him by the hand to go downstairs, he goes along. Scared to death, but between knowing Paul is right and loving him, he doesn't fight.

So Paul stands before the fishbowl, scared but determined, holding Alex next to him, who is on the verge of collapsing, and he addresses Dream, basically saying something along the lines of "we should have done this straight after the old codger died, and we didn't out of cowardice, but now we're going to set you free, and hope that you have some mercy on us for this". And he breaks the circle and the glass, or whatever it takes.

Now, this might happen just very shortly before Dream's scheduled meeting with Hob, and like I've read in a couple of other fics, Dream might have been agonising over having to miss this appointment. So getting to go after all might just temper his wrath the teensiest bit, if not immediately then maybe at a later point.

I can see this going two ways at this point: he takes great pleasure in trapping Alex in eternal nightmares for killing Jessamy, the guards as well for good measure, but he leaves Paul unscathed for being the driving force behind his release and doing it before June 7th, 1989. And then he storms off to find his tools and sulk and get ready for his not-date.

Or, he does that but Paul has already geared himself up to be incredibly brave that day and so dares to ask what Dream has done to Alex, and Dream says "best of my nightmares around the clock", and Paul takes one deep breath and then begs him to split the nightmares between them both, so that they would share nightmares every night but still be awake together during the day. And Dream says, oh well, your funeral, and makes it so, and then storms off.

In both cases Paul is very miserable (nightmares every night forever is bound to leave you permanently sleep-deprived, or else he has to live with Alex's screams and permasleep). And at some point he might speak to Hob. Again, bundle of possible scenarios:

he'd talked to Hob before (see above) and they have some previous acquaintance;

he just washes up in The New Inn like a commoner and starts drinking, and Hob is a barkeeper with many years of experience;

they might talk while Dream is still picking up his tools and before the appointment, or afterwards.

And at some point Hob makes some connection, depending on this and also how open Dream is after his imprisonment.

Since I personally feel that revenge does not bring lasting satisfaction, let alone joy, I could see Hob helping Dream grieve Jessamy, and also appreciate the understanding he gained while in involuntary timeout. And maybe he relents after some time, maybe because he took a good look at Alex and Paul's nightmares. Or gives them a task to accomplish.

The end? I don't know. Depends on the story you want to tell, who and what it's really about. But I like the premise, is what I wanted to say.

[ronispadez]

1 for the choose violance ask?

1: the character everyone gets wrong

AUGGHHHHHHH OHHH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!! LUCAS 4 SURE. also maybe Gerard and Frank and other Band Dudes, but as for actual fictional characters, PROBABLY LUCAS!

Now, we don't have a clear idea of what Lucas is like post time-skip, if he's still the same gentle cry baby as he was before, in the prologue. But you gotta understand that going on a journey like that has got to change a person. He's def a lot more brave than the fandom, AND FUCKING SMASH BROS BRAWL !!! gives him credit for.

Old fanfics will usually give him t-th-he unre-re-alistic s-s-s-s-stuttering habit, which is sssssoooooooooo hard to read sometimes. I understand stuttering as something someone can have naturally, but in this context, it's something he does because he's nervous or scared or flustered. And he does it almost every time he talks until he finally warms up enough, or he's in a perpetual state of flustered. I'd understand if this was an actual speech thing he had that the author brings up, but no, you can tell that the intention is just to make him look more, ... Im not sure the right word, but more Shoujo shy girl like. Y'know?

Mischaracterization can't really be a thing with Mother protags and other silent protagonist. There can be opinions on characters I can either like or dislike, but that doesn't rule out the possibility that the character is "actually" like that. For Ness and Ninten, no one is really right or wrong... Characterizing them as assholes (COUGH mother 1 novel with Ninten/Ken) or as shy or, well, most of the time people just write Ness as a heroic extrovert and/or complete dumbass which personally is the correct way to me.

But in Mother 3, we get more character from Lucas than we do with any other mother protag, in that he's a gentle boy who likes flowers, and the village sees him as a crybaby, even before Hinawa died. (That one lady Flint talks to during the forest fire, before they knew Hinawa died, called Lucas a crybaby)

But fuck dude, even before the time-skip happened, Lucas came in clutch with the drago to save Salsa and Kuma from Fassad!!! You go, baby Lucas! wth!!!!

Anyway I am fucking SICK!!! I AM FYUCKIMG SICKKK!!!!!!!! Of baby-cant-do-nothin-right-pussy-boy Lucas, characterized in fanart or fanfics. I don't want him to just be a stoic asshole, but I also don't want the crybaby part to be laid on too thick, y'know? Characterize him with thought. He can still be a gentle crybaby, but don't make that his whole thing, who cries at any small thing that happens

As much as I love Brawl, it was the start of this trend. As much as I love subspace emissary, they absolutely did Lucas fucking DIRTY. What the fuck is he doing, getting scared over these fuckin doll guys and the poo-poo gas ??? I do understand that he doesn't have his friends and dog with him, so he's lost faith in his solo battling ability. I guess. Also is this after the game ended, where he's endured the worst fucking battle of his life?? Or pre time-skip, making smash, or at least subspace Lucas, a little baby man who hasnt gone thru character development yet? Most likely not. I don't know. Subspace's characterization with Lucas was fucking foul. It started the trend of writing Lucas like a little bitch because that's how most of the world was introduced to him. Most people haven't played his game, so they see him as this little BITCH BOY AUUHGHHHHH

Sorry, I'm rambling and not finishing any of my thoughts, but this is something I have to properly write an essay on or make a fuckin YouTube video about or something. Jesus

I do have to say I think Ness' character in Subspace was pretty cute. I wanna see more fanfics where Lucas gets upset with Ness because he protects him too much and Lucas proves himself as strong enough without Ness' help. And then they kiss maybe. Maybe even hold hands ..

Also I am RIDDLED with Nesscas brain I forgot that's literally what Lucas goes thru when he's with Red, I forgor. But most people just think about the Ness Died Because of Lucas Scene in subspace, not how he protects himself and Red later. Oughhhhhh

PENIS BLAST let's just start over, all the way back in 2008 everybody, cmon, let's go, into the phase distorter

[gamesception]

Lets read something

You know, as much as I really love the Utena show and movie, I've never read the manga? That's something I could do, I suppose. Actually, I don't know much about the production of Utena at all, let's do 5 minutes of research...

OK, so Utena is Kunihiko Ikuhara's (the anime director's) baby, and the manga was created at around the same time by Shojo artist Chiho Saito. Only Ikuhara was a bit of a pain to work with (or to be more forgiving was super busy with the anime & new studio he created for it), so Saito never got a full summary or answers when she asked questions? So basically we're looking at a different story from a different creator only loosely based on some shared concepts and character designs. Also a lot more focus on Utena and Touga, which isn't a great sign but then again it kind of worked for the movie so I'm not going to dismiss it out of hand.

Anyway, expectations in check, let's jump in.

The introduction with the obnoxious teacher bothering Utena about her uniform and Utena countering that 'the rules don't say a dog can't play basketball' is repeated pretty closely. Makes sense that, however little Saito was given to work with, she'd at least have the opening scene of the opening episode to reference. Though here her uniform shirt is pink with black piping instead of the other way around?

I'm sorry, 'Rose' with black piping.

But it's not just the color, the whole scene immediately veers way off the road from the anime.

Utena has an aunt in the manga? Like a legit adult guardian? I don't think the anime brings up guardians at all except to say that her parents died when she was young. Not bringing in guardians at all is part of how the anime builds the sort of removed otherworldly atmosphere of the school, like it's an isolated fairy world that the students are trapped in and need to escape, which is kind of core to the themes.

Themes which, I'm given to understand, Saito was not privy to in advance when writing this adaptation, so yeah, here we go, very different story right out of the gate.

Also she has some guy friend? Who is this? This isn't Wakaba.

This is a strong page here, does a good job of establishing the dead parents, the relationship with this new aunt character, Utena's compassion and strength of character even from the time of her parents' death, but also the emotional toll and self sacrifice inherent to the princely role she's adopted - it's brave and sad but not even remotely healthy or fair for a child to never cry in front of the adults who are supposed to be caring for them.

So Utena's prince has been sending her letters every year, as opposed to the anime where she just got the ring. Also he saved her from drowning - something the movie would partially borrow? - rather than just from being sad after her parents died?

Although that does mean we probably won't get the show's eventual reveal that what the prince showed young Utena to break her out of her sorrow was Anthy locked away and suffering herself, which recontextualized Utena's backstory and princely affect as having been about saving Anthy the whole time.