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slocumjoe · 1 year

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I always thought it was weird that Hancock's drug addiction (or at least dependency) was never addressed.

And honestly I just look to fanon to finish Danse's character arc and I forget that isnt canon

Although why do you say that Cait's backstory was fetishized? And why was Nick Valentine's quest messed up?

YOU FOOL, YOU'VE OPENED A DOOR YOU CANNOT CLOSE

I GUESS IT'S TIME FOR...

THE CAIT BREAKDOWN

(TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR S/A, ADDICTION, AND ABUSE)

Firstly, some ground rules. This is directed at a Certain Kind of Contrarian, the kind of person who thinks characters are free-thinking entities with free will, who seemingly thinks they pop up fully formed out of the ground with no liberties taken by a writer. I need to preface this because these people always show up when discussing these kinds of characters.

We need to look at Cait in a Doyist lens. She is not a real person. Everything she does and went through was decided by her creators. It is a waste of time to justify something by saying well, this happens in real life, people go through this, people do this, because those actions and people are real. Cait is based in reality, but she herself is a puppet being pulled around with other puppets.

It can be viable to consider Cait in a Watsonian lens, but ultimately, we won't get anywhere picking her apart like that. Doing so would be taking her at face value, when Cait has a lot more going on behind the curtains. The Person and the Character Cait is, they're very different. One is a Person, the other is what decides that Person's personality, history, everything. Character comes first. You cannot defend Character by pointing at Person and saying that the Person exists in a world where anything is possible. Character comes first. Yes, Person exists, but Character defines it, and with Cait, we are discussing her Character.

We need to talk about the decisions made about Cait's Character, 'cause oh boy, ol' Beth really made some, didn't they?

FUCK UP 1: BETHESDA DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO HANDLE ADDICTION

Cait's Psycho use starts after killing her parents, and at some point, she becomes addicted. Later, as it starts negatively affecting her, even causing her cough up blood, she no longer views it as worth the high. Why did Cait start using, though?

Well, look at everything she had gone through. We'll get to how poorly her backstory itself is handled, and how lackadaisically Bethesda throws various traumas at her with all the grace and care of a small child throwing rocks at cars on the highway, but for now, we're focusing on the Psycho use.

Cait uses to cope with her trauma, that much is obvious. That's usually why characters and IRL people turn to substances. The issue here is how Bethesda treats both the use, and the...fuck, is it fair to call that fucking chair recovery?

The chair. That Fucking Chair.

I wanted an option to say nope, we're not doing this to you, we're leaving. But...no. The actual solution to Cait's 20+ years of trauma was to lock her in an interrogation chair and have her tortured for a few minutes.

Okay. Let's discuss this.

Cait used Psycho seemingly as a way to both punish herself and never think about the shit she went through. Psycho makes the user aggressive, so it stands to reason, also cruel and capable of using that aggression. Perhaps Psycho influenced her feelings at any moment, allowing her to not care about killing her parents, or about her slavery. Either way, Cait is already being hurt, and it very much is self-harm.

So, the solution, the thing to help Cait, get her on the first step to recovery from both her trauma and her addiction, is to hurt her. Punish her. It very much reads like punishment, you are locked into a chair. She sits there whimpering in pain. Now, this makes sense for Vault Tec and their experiment with this vault.

But...as the end of Cait's arc?

We're getting into some potentially controversial territory, but...it's proven, time and time again, that compassion and sufficient resources are the best, and pretty much the only, way for an addict to recover. It isn't enough to just stop using, get off it. You have to address the circumstances that lead to the addiction. Yes, some people will choose not to stop using, they'll choose to remain addicted and never attempt to get help for their issues. But that doesn't mean the ones who want to shouldn't get the opportunity. And those opportunities need to be compassionate.

A TORTURE CHAIR IS NOT COMPASSIONATE.

It reads as a scare tactic. Don't do drugs, kiddies, or else you'll get so bad, you'll have to be locked into a chair and get tubes and needles attached to you, and be tortured for a few minutes. Jesus H Christ.

You know what makes this even worse? The blatant condemnation and mockery of actual recovery. The AA meeting in the overseer's room, in that vault? Bethesda makes a joke of it! Cait calls it bullshit! Motherfucker, AA meetings are one of, if not the, most effective ways to keep someone off a substance! It gives people a community, an echo chamber reminding them how bad their circumstances were and how much better they are without their substance. AA meetings are crucial for addicts, and Bethesda mocks it, criticizes it as stupid, and then portrays torture as the solution. They do this with their addicted character. You are supposed hear Cait call it stupid, ineffective, a waste of time. That is so fucking irresponsible.

Here's the obvious answer as to how Cait's addiction should have been handled; Cait herself either mentions wanting to come off it, or the Sole Survivor intervenes and suggests she stop using. From there, the Sole Survivor acts as a sponsor, or just a friend keeping an eye on her. Y'know, how substance recovery actually works?

Yes, it's not that easy IRL, and it doesn't have to be in game, she can relapse, even. But whatever happens, you cannot address a trauma-based drug addiction with more trauma being the cure. Holy shit, dude.

FUCK UP 2: BETHESDA STUCK EVERY TRAUMA TAIL ON THIS DONKEY

Cait's backstory is bloated with every kind of trauma, and it reads as very...last minute?

Actually look at it. She was grotesquely abused for 18 years, sold into slavery for a few more years, killed her parents, got a drug addiction, and then basically enslaved in a fighting pit for a few more years as a means of a suicide attempt, and then she gets traumatized when she gets clean because, again, that chair literally tortures her.

Starting at the beginning...why did her parents wait until she was 18 to sell her? Would the slavers not take kids? Did her parents not want her being raped underage, for some reason? Why 18, specifically?

Because Bethesda are cowards, and I mean that. They wanted all the abuse and trauma for Cait they could get, but...child rape? That was a little far for them.

Rule 1 of writing dark shit: If you, at any point, feel like you've gone too far, back the fuck up. Don't start walking left instead of forward. Bethesda wanted her nightmare upbringing, but child rape bothered them. So, they just had her sold at 18, but that's incredibly contrived. Hey, Beth? If it bothered you, you shouldn't have gone near it. Skirting the topic is a cowardly writer's way out. Shit or get off the pot.

Now, you can write a character with this much trauma. You just have to actually handle it.

Cait should be way more unhinged. You should be able to look at her, speak to her once, and figure out oh, this woman has been through hell. Instead, Cait is surprisingly well-adjusted. She's a little rude and doesn't care much for good-guy morality.

Here's where those Contrarians come in, saying "People don't have to act like their trauma!" They don't. But those are real people. Cait was made, and she was made with a normal personality and a horrifically detailed nightmare origin story. It isn't that Cait just powered through and got out okay despite all odds, it's that Bethesda didn't fully think about how her trauma would actually affect her.

If anyone played Silent Hill 2, remember Angela Orosco? She was also incredibly abused and mistreated all her life, and actually, her story is remarkably similar to Cait's in every way. And Angela, she acts like a person who's been traumatized at every single turn. Watching Angela is heartbreaking even if you don't know what she's gone through, because you can tell there was something.

Cait's backstory could be significantly pared down. Again, the dialogue and 4 affinities talk system butcher the character arc, but Cait suffered the most, I think. She tells you about all of her trauma at once, in her second affinity. Second. Other characters talk about their most intense/emotional shit at the final talk, but because Cait's third talk needs to start Benign Intervention, and her final talk needs to be about being clean now, they have to rush through her trauma at the second one.

For Cait, I think it'd be better to pare down the trauma, but it could work to just...move her opening up about it to the final talk. That makes the most sense, her explaining how she got that way.

Also, why was it Cait that got all of this?

No, really, why was Cait selected to be the trauma donkey de jour?

She's one of 3 female companions. Piper and Curie's trauma is both their dads died. Cait's trauma is endless rape, beating, drug addictions, slavery, and fights to the death. She sticks out. It's like the other girls got nothing so Cait got everything.

Cait is compared to Cassidy from New Vegas, but...why? Cassidy got off nice and easy compared to Cait. Everyone gets off easy compared to Cait. It's like she's the heaviest thing in the room, the odd one out because she's gone through significantly more and worse than anyone else. Can you seriously compare Cait to anyone in Fallout 4? MacCready lost his wife, Cait was raped for years on end. Hancock feels guilty for not doing more in his younger years to help people, Cait was constantly beaten and tortured by her parents for her entire life. Nick has some identity issues and body dysmorphia, Cait killed her parents and now is always attempting suicide via bare-knuckle combat for the same people who raped her.

It's like she was meant for a different game. I could easily see her in say, Wasteland 3, or the other Fallouts, which had much darker tones. Everyone else in 4 is lighter to slightly darker shades of grey, and then Cait is pitch black.

I especially find this suspicious, given that Cait is the addict character. No, it's not Hancock, because Hancock's addiction isn't addressed, it's just...seasoning, some texture thrown on top. His addiction doesn't matter, by the game's standards, you're not supposed to care about it. Cait, you are. She's the addict character.

It's like...weirdly implied that it's only incredibly fucked up stuff that makes you an addict. Like, there's a certain bar of trauma you have to have before you start using. First of all, incorrect, grossly so. Secondly, patronizing as shit. Thirdly, if you think like this, you shouldn't be allowed to write anything. Ever. Or vote, for that matter.

FUCK UP 3: THE IRISH SHIT

I will not bring up the accent, beyond that it, specifically, is pretty obnoxious. Katy Townsend, her voice actor, is Scottish, but...the accent is bad enough, I was sure she was American. Listening to this video, you can hear her natural speaking voice, and it's nowhere near Cait's thick, caricature Tough Irish Gal voice.

I have previously described Cait as a 'too many cooks in the kitchen' scenario. On one hand, she's a Trauma Donkey, as described in the last section. On another, she's a haha funny Irish lady love booze and fighting, ain't nothing better than getting pissed and picking a fight, am i right!

I have a theory that Cait was two separate characters that was merged into one. Fallout 4 tries to represent/dickride Massachusetts culture and history, and Massachusetts has double the national Irish population. New York and New Hampshire are more Irish, but Massachusetts is still very Irish. So, Beth made an Irish character, but then, like, Frank down the hall wanted his sadgirl babe, and they got stuck together.

There is no bigger clash than a historical cruel/tragic cartoon caricature and the darkest, most horrific character in a story, and it's the same person in Fallout 4. Again, Cait can be Irish. She cannot be a Tough Irish Gal, while being everything else that she is.

HOW IS THIS FETISHIZED?

I mean...look at it. I should preface that I've been writing for, like, three hours and am Quickly Losing Steam, so this conclusion is not likely to be great

I've also described Cait as getting sprayed down with a pain hose. Just drenched in every kind of suffering imaginable. It's not handled properly, it's not addressed properly, it's just kind of there for you to figure out on your own. Another thing I've called Cait is Whedonesque, for Joss Whedon loves makes strong female characters, making them tiny, not-like-other-girls waifs (Cait is very thin and skinny), and then putting them through trauma, making them cry. He's been accused of making strong women just to see them break.

I don't fully think that last part applies to Cait, but it gets close. Cait is one of three girls. She's the only masculine/androgynous, Piper and Curie are both rather feminine, even if in different flavors. Cait is all tomboy, and she's all trauma and addiction, and misery. She falls into the Whedon trope of "I can kick ass but I need someone to fix me". Cait is, very much, a fixer fantasy. She's broken and desperate and Sole is supposed to be the white knight on a shining horse to save her, fix her. That's why she makes a big deal about how they're the first person to ever be nice to her. It's a fantasy.

And finally, Cait has something in common with the two other ladies; Piper exists to serve a plucky, girl-next-door romance (she's the intended romance, even, the one you're expected to pick), and Curie is a french virgin maid fantasy. Y'know Lusty Argonian Maid? Literally Curie.

And that is at least half of why Cait's Character was made the way it was. It's to appeal to a fixer fantasy. Even if unintentional, that's what Cait's character adds up to. Compare to 500 Days of Summer, if the movie wasn't self-aware.

#was always very nervous talking about cait.#because criticizing addict and abused characters always brings out the hyenas #HOW DARE YOU DISRESPECT ADDICTS AND VICTIMS my point in this essay is that Bethesda disrespects addicts and victims #YOU CANT JUDGE HER im literally not I'm judging bethesda for not treating her with grace #I WENT THROUGH/KNOW PEOPLE WHO WENT THROUGH WHAT SHE DID you are real people cait is not. everything was decided for her #this is also why i dislike trauma donkey characters because at some point you cant critique the writing without bad faith counter arguement #that are always just. this is a sensitive topic so you're not allowed to say anything bad about it!#if it was too sensitive to me to critique they shouldn't have put it in the story #look at all this heavy subject matter but don't think or talk about it???#fucking ace combination right there #ill write abt nicks quest later. now it is time for stardew valley

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the-paris-of-people · 2 years

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THANK YOU for speaking on how bela's actions are clearly trauma-informed i feel like i've been yelling this from the rooftops and no one has been listening. it's not just about her need to be liked. it's about the fact that the catullan made her feel like her only power was her sexuality and it was used against her. so when she came back after thanksgiving, she decided that she was going to take her power back and use her sexuality to her advantage after it was used to degrade her. and whether or not she went about it in a way that people agree with or not is besides the point because it's a common feeling and thing to happen to sa survivors. also when eric (a white man who's on the catullan which gives him better chances of getting an internship anyway) swooped in on her chance to get an internship, she felt powerless again. like he had everything in his corner to help him get an internship without meeting with dan and as a woc in comedy, this was bela's big shot and he took it from her. i also think the jorja storyline outlined bela wanting to feel powerful as well, however misguided it was. there are some criticisms i have of her storyline. most of them are the fact that i feel like she was neglected in favor of other characters and they really could've dived deeper into her actions. but bela is my girl 100% and i will stand by her no matter what. she kills my family? they did something to deserve it idc

Yes!! I even saw someone link an interview with Amrit that said "Bela reflected back on her assault/abuse at the Catullan over Thanksgiving break and thought she wasn't talking no shit" Thank you for bringing up Eric because he literally said he was going to do whatever it takes to climb the comedy writing ladder OVER her even though he has every single advantage over her and it was just generally rude to screw over his girlfriend like that when he literally KNOWS writers at the Dan O'Connell show and could have used that instead. The Jorja storyline people said was out of character, but again it was just Bela recapitulating the power dynamic and "suffering" she had to endure once she assumed influence in her position of power that the Catullan head writers exerted over her. I really think they could have explicitly stated/explored her trauma further this season and I do think they could have focused more on her, but I think she'll really get a chance to shine next season and I am so excited for that. It's crazy that people reduced Bela down to being a "villain" or "a cheater" (which is insane to me, people cheat in TV shows all the time and no one gets this up in arms about it???) when she again, is a young girl incredibly confused at how to navigate her career in a male-dominated career, especially when she has been the victim of SA VERY RECENTLY without truly processing it. I love her so much and she could kill me and I wouldn't care. Bela ultimately has a great heart, cares about her friends and the people around her, she has just been fucked by the world of comedy and is trying to unlearn everything that has steered her awry from season 1. Again, I get the sense from people's criticisms of the show that unless these concepts are very explicitly STATED (like with NHIE s1 vs. s2) they cannot interpret that many of these actions of WOC are trauma-informed and instead display a complete disregard, neglect, and lack of empathy for them. it's disgusting and I hate it and they don't deserve Bela. Thank you for coming to my inbox for agreeing with me XOXO

#truly i love her sm #let woc be flawed #rather than demonizing mindy kaling for demonizing her #thank her for showing us how trauma inflicted on woc can affect them and incite their messiness #ask #answered #the sex lives of college girls #i do wish we got more bela this seaso #bela malhotra

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thisischaostragic · 2 years

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rage dissertation on multiverse of madness

oh also i hate Multiverse of Madness. i know a lot of MCU Wanda fans like that movie because she's powerful but i just, like, think it's very fucked up that the writing relied exclusively on WandaVision to establish her as sympathetic.

it relied on WandaVision to give her any dimension and then also IGNORED EVERYTHING about the last episode except the fucking 30 second post credit scene???? who the fuck in the MoM writers room took "I don't need you to tell me who I am" and "I don't understand this power, but I will" and was like mmmmm yes, let's write a film so flimsy that it leaves us with two options at the end of it:

Wanda left Westview feeling guilty and actively seeking out understanding, control, internal redemption, etc. and decided, nah, let's tear shit up! and honestly I'd be less pissed about this one if they gave her solid reasoning, but they went in the 'hysterical woman has fake kids and wants to destroy the world to get them back,' which lands a LOT worse without a character like Monica there reinforcing that they're real and when they constantly foil her with Stephen wanting Christine back when that was, like, a breakup with a living woman who is still friends with him but just doesn't want to date him??? and then, for the whole movie Wanda dodges questions about like, 'what happens to the other you' and then is so overwhelmingly guilty at the end that she sacrifices herself??? AGAIN???? which leads me to believe that they intended and/or are gonna go with:

Wanda left Westview feeling bad and wanting to do better etc., and then got so corrupted by the Darkhold that she lost grasp on herself and MoM Wanda was mostly acting out Chthon's will. this is actually INFURIATING to me because they made such a goddamn point in WandaVision about not having her be possessed? like she did terrible things AND it was ambiguous whether or not she knew about it BUT she was the power source and it was ultimately her responsibility. whether or not you feel like she's redeemable after WandaVision, it's so clear that the whole ordeal was about coming into her own power without being controlled by anyone else.

In short, MoM either:

made Wanda one-dimensionally tragic and pretty evil in a way that's fairly inconsistent with the kinds of terrible stuff she did in WandaVision, OR

once again stripped her of her autonomy

there's only so many times they can half-ass a villain arc for her and quite frankly i think they've maxxed out and really backed themselves into a corner where close to total redemption is the only option that makes any narrative sense, because she keeps fucking up and feeling TERRIBLE about it, even at her coldest, which does not a good villain make. like, she so clearly doesn't stand by her actions????

like, it wasn't.... it wasn't fun watching a character i really like do a bunch of stuff that very clearly is gonna haunt her?? she already has enough of that??? especially when it's a character with fans who like her because they felt seen and understood (which IMO is fairly uncommon in the MCU outside of WandaVision and Ms. Marvel), being like, oh, cool, traumatized woman DOES equate to bad is actually such a painful fucking take to see male writers pitch again and again and again.

also maybe an unpopular opinion but I think her powers are actually more impressive in WandaVision? she... made vibranium and living children???? from NOTHING???? and MoM had her shooting fucking magic lasers.

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jadequeen88 · 4 years

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Accidental Valentine

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This is my fic for The Citrus Dome Server Lover’s Day Literature Collab! Please go check out The Masterlist and support all of the amazing artists and writers that have contributed.🖤

A/N: WHEW guys... I don’t think I’ve put this much work into a fic EVER. I’ve been feeling pretty bad about my body and wanted to write a reader who struggled with it as well. Who better to boost your confidence than DILF Kiri feeding your praise kink?! I was heavily influenced by this amazing drabble by @rat-suki and got permission to use it as my inspiration for this fic.🖤 (for reference, reader is 30 and Kirishima is 42)

Thanks to @afictionalwhore and my dear friend Orchid for the beta read!🖤

RetiredProHero!Kirishima x YoungerF!Reader

Word Count: 5.3k

TW: size difference, oral (both receiving), daddy kink, praise kink (lots and lots of praise), TBH the sex is pretty vanilla but very passionate, both are insecure about their bodies.

When you trudged into work this morning, you didn’t ever dream of meeting your childhood idol/crush, but here you are, staring up at a beautiful mountain of a man. Eijiro Kirishima, or retired pro hero Red Riot, had never come into your coffee shop before and you’d never imagined he would. He was huge. Nearly 7 ft tall and built like a brick house. His hair was back to his natural black with flecks of silver at his temples and hung long and wild around his shoulders. He had on a pair of glasses and wore a dark maroon sweater and jeans.

Even though he’s aged, he looks just as handsome as the young man you fell for as a girl.

The year he made his debut, you were only six, and like most other six-year-olds, you idolized the pro heroes. Most of your friends loved Deku or Dynamite, but you always loved Red Riot. His smile, warmth, and his fiercely protective nature made your tiny heart burst with admiration. Throughout his hero career, you kept up with all of his interviews, the battles he’d been in, the awards he’d won, and his hero rankings. You’d also gotten as much merch as possible over the years and still wore your worn-out, oversized Red Riot t-shirt to sleep in. When he retired a couple of years ago, you still scanned articles online trying to gather bits and pieces of information about the hero, but he wasn’t one to seek out the spotlight. You think that’s probably why he’d always been your favorite. He was a true hero. Serving the citizens and keeping them safe was his top priority. You didn’t want to admit it, but you kept up with him for one main reason… You wanted to know if he was seeing anyone.

You remember being eaten up with jealousy when you’d see his arm around another woman going to galas and award ceremonies. Your sixteen-year-old brain knew that of course, he’d date women. He was a grown man and a pro hero. But your heart would ache, wanting to be the one his soft eyes and pointy-toothed grin was fixed on.

Now those same eyes were fixed on you, his mouth moving and forming words, but you were too star-struck to hear what he was saying. When you snapped out of your daze and remembered you were supposed to be taking his order, you were mortified.

“I-I’m so sorry sir! Could you please repeat that?”

“Sure thing!” his bright smile was hypnotizing, “Just a venti-sized flat white. Have you had your coffee yet? Ya looked a little far away there for a second, kid.”

Your heart leaped at the little nickname. “Yeah, sorry about that! I guess I should get a couple of shots of espresso in me before I try to be productive.” You chuckle nervously as you scribble his order on the cup and turn to make his drink.

“Oh, uhh…” he peeks around the counter to get your attention, “Do you need my name? For the order?”

You freeze realizing you forgot basic, barista 101 etiquette…

“Actually,” you face him, a sheepish grin on your face, avoiding eye contact, “I know your name. You… umm, were my favorite hero,” you blush, and your eyes widen in embarrassment, “you know when I was a kid...”

You turn back to your work, kicking yourself for being so awkward.

“Really? I think you’re the first person to recognize me since ya know,” he circled his head with his pointer finger, “I stopped dying my hair..”

You turned your head to peer up at him through your dark lashes, a light dusting of blush still on your cheeks, “Well, I like it. It looks good on you.”

The retired pro’s heart was bursting at how damned cute you were. Was this pretty, young girl… embarrassed? Over him?! He watched your tiny hands move as they worked on his drink order, wondering how small they’d feel grasped in his massive ones. Your soft hair caught in the sunlight making you look like a literal angel and he sighed. You reached up to grab a canister from the top shelf and a sliver of soft skin between your t-shirt and jeans peeked through. His gaze became far away and he damn near drooled at the sight. Just how long had it been since he’d touched another woman? Kirishima wasn’t one for casual flings. He always got too invested in whoever he was seeing. So when he and his long-time girlfriend broke things off a couple of years ago, he wasn’t rushing back into the dating scene.

However, things were a little more… complicated than just not finding the right girl to commit to. He was getting older and it was starting to show. Over the past few years, he’d lost his confidence. He’s bulkier around the middle no matter what workouts or diets he tries. Overuse of his quirk has caused stretchmarks and scars all over his skin. He was starting to get crow’s feet and he was overall just TOO big and TOO hairy. He felt like some sort of gorilla walking around in human clothing. Kirishima isn’t stupid or trying to fool himself. A young, gorgeous thing like you wasn’t looking for anything from an old, washed-up man like him. But, fuck… It was nearly impossible for him to move his gaze away from your ass… Oh, the things he’d do to you if he were a few years younger...

You turned to look over your shoulder and notice his gaze… and it’s apparent that he’s checking you out. He looks like a man starved, eyes glued to your ass.

“Well, well, well… maybe he wasn’t so annoyed with my fangirling after all.”

When he realized you’d gone still, his eyes met yours and he quickly averted his gaze. His cheeks turned as red as his hair used to be. You busied yourself with the milk steamer to hide your big, goofy grin. With a new burst of confidence, you decide to take a chance and when you go to write his name on his to-go cup, you write

“Big Red <3”

You pause, bite your lip, and think to yourself, “why the hell not?” as you scribble your number underneath the nickname. You turn to give him his drink and your nerves almost make you retreat and make a whole new drink. Then he meets your gaze and your world stops spinning. His vermillion eyes crinkle at the edges as his scared lips turn upwards into a syrupy sweet smile.

When Kirishima takes his drink from you, your fingers brush his for the briefest second and he can tell they’re trembling. “Oh no, I hope I haven’t made her nervous or uncomfortable.” He wanted to go crawl in a hole… That was until he saw what you’d written on his cup.

He stammers, looking from the cup to your face like he’s checking to see if you’re pulling a prank on him or not. Before he can say anything, you bite your lip and look up at him.

“I’m off work this Sunday. Just… if you’d like to hang out or something.” your gaze shifts and you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.

After a moment or two, his face lights up in a huge grin. “Y-yeah, great!” he turns and walks a few steps, then turns around and motions at the cup, “So… I should just, ahh… text you?”

You giggle and it’s the sweetest sound he’s heard in a long time, “That would be nice, yeah.”

“Okay, great!... Talk later then!” He waves and leaves the coffee shop, feeling light as a feather and ten years younger.

*****

Sunday rolls around and you spend the morning making sure the place is cleaner than it’s been in weeks. Your place was small but cozy. For a fleeting moment, you’re a little insecure about how modest your apartment is. You don’t know exactly how wealthy pros are when they retire, but you know he’s more familiar with much nicer places than yours. You decide he probably knew just what to expect on a barista’s salary and tried to put it out of your mind. You checked on the cookies baking in the oven. When you found out through your text conversations that he loved chocolate chip cookies with the large chunks of dark chocolate baked in, you went out and bought everything to make them the same day. You kept watching over them like a hawk to avoid burning them. They still looked pretty gooey, so you decided it would be safe to get changed into something a little nicer. Just as you were about to turn the corner into your bedroom, your doorbell rang.

“Shit!” you looked at your phone and sure enough, you let time get away from you. He was here and you were still in your cropped leggings and t-shirt, sporting a messy bun and dirty apron. You groaned as you realized you couldn’t leave him on your doorstep while you changed. Defeated, you hurried to the door.

You opened the door, hoping that you at least didn’t have flour in your hair, and looked up into the much larger man’s eyes. The realization that THE Red Riot was standing this close to you made your stomach flutter and a goofy grin slide across your face. While you stood there star-struck, he broke the silence.

“Wow, it smells amazing in here!”

“Oh!” you jumped a little then promptly ran over to your oven, “Sorry! Please come on in!” you said over your shoulder as you were pulling your oven mitts on.

Kirishima walked into your cozy apartment and instantly felt at ease. He couldn’t pinpoint just what it was, but something about your place felt more like home than any place he’d ever lived before. As he finished scanning your apartment, his eyes landed on you taking the cookies out of the oven. The comfortable, domestic feel of the place coupled with your ass on full display as you bent down to remove the cookies from the oven had his jeans tightening. You stood up and he averted his gaze before you turned around, not wanting to get caught checking your ass out for a second time.

“Fair warning, I’m not a talented baker by any means,” you removed your oven mitts after placing the cookie sheets on the cooling rack and flashed a sly grin his way, “But when Red Riot tells you what his favorite cookies are… Ya kinda gotta make them, right?”

Oh… If you only knew how pent up this man was… he debated bending you over right then and there and fucking you until you couldn’t walk. He really hit the jackpot with you… a hot, younger woman with the perfect ass who bakes him cookies and for some reason thinks he hung the moon? Kirishima would have given you a ring right then and there if he didn’t think it would scare you off.

“Well,” he radiated warmth as he looked between you and the cookies cooling on the rack, “If you’re not the sweetest thing! I, ahh… might have gotten you a little something too.” he then held up a 6 pack of your favorite cider. “Because when Y/N, L/N tells you what her favorite cider is… Ya kinda gotta get her some.” he winked and you felt your knees buckle and your cheeks burn. You felt like you were in a fairytale.

Then you remembered that the princesses in fairytales definitely did not wear flour-riddled black leggings, old t-shirts, and dirty aprons.

“OH! Umm, I need to go get cleaned up. I’ll only be a minu-” his massive hand wrapped around your wrist as you walked past him. It covered half of your forearm and a shudder ran through you. You wanted those giant hands to roam every inch of your body.

“Please don’t,” his eyes were half-lidded and his voice was low, “...I think you look beautiful like this.” his calloused thumb traced little circles on your skin not meeting your gaze. His deep voice was impossibly tender.

Now that you’d felt his skin on yours, you couldn’t contain your churning desires any longer. You wanted, needed, more. Rising up on your tiptoes, you curled your fist into Kirishima’s shirt collar and pulled his face toward yours.

You felt him tense up for a moment, then relax into the kiss. His massive hands found purchase on your hips, digging into the pliant flesh there. A needy whimper caught in his throat spurring you on to deepen the kiss.

It was like your bodies were working around each other in perfect harmony… lips parting at a slow pace, like honey dripping from the edge of a spoon and tongues meeting in the middle to taste each other. You both savored the kiss for as long as you could, eyes lazily drifting open and shared breaths causing your hearts to dance out of your chests.

You saw him falter, his gaze dropping, and you feared that you overstepped.

“Kirishima I-“

“Ejiro,” he stopped you with a hand against your cheek, “Call me Eijiro…” his thumb caressed your bottom lip slowly, back and forth. His touch held so much devotion in it.

“Eijiro…” you sighed, looking up at him with pleading eyes, “I need you…”

The giant of a man before you swept you up into his arms and began walking down your hallway. You quickly wrapped your arms and legs around his hulking frame as if you were climbing a tree.

“Second door on the right,” you were panting into his neck, leaving sloppy kisses all over it.

You blew a cool stream of air along his damp skin and felt him shudder. A giggle bubbled up from your chest at being able to weaken a retired pro-hero known for being a human shield against the worst villains Japan has ever known. Your little stunt resulted in a grunt and a firm, warning squeeze to your thigh.

“So that’s what we’re doing today, huh?” he tosses you on the bed just hard enough to make you bounce up a little… then he’s on you, placing light kisses all along your neck as he prods your sides looking for a ticklish spot. You can’t remember the last time you laughed this hard and the fact that it was your idol drawing it from you made you dizzy with joy.

“Mercy! Mercy!” you were breathless and your abdomen ached from the forceful laughs Ejiro was pulling from you. He blew a raspberry on your neck as a final tease then relented, sitting up to meet your gaze.

You were absolutely smitten. You caressed the lines around his eyes and the scar that split his lips as your eyes roamed across his features. Every crease, every scar… you wanted to kiss them all. When his gaze faltered and he pulled away to sit beside you on the bed, the feeling you’d done something wrong resurfaced. You sat up beside him and placed your hand on his thigh.

“Eijiro…” your voice was barely above a whisper, “I’m sorry, I know I can come on a little strong sometimes, and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I just…” your eyes meet and his gaze is unreadable.

“No, no…” his ruby eyes drop to the floor, “It’s just that,” he chuckles nervously, “Well, it’s been a while. I’m not very good with casual flings and the like. So I don’t really date much…”

You rise to your feet and move to stand in front of him. Sitting in front of you on your bed, you’re only slightly below eye level with him. You place your tiny hands on his thick thighs and nudge them apart so you can slot your hips between them.

“When I told you that you were my favorite hero,” you reach for his wrist and remove the hair tie from it, “What that actually meant was that I’d watch the news every day just to make sure you were safe.”

Slender fingers move through his wild mane of silver-flecked hair untangling any knots, “It meant that when that villain with the sludge quirk put you in the hospital for a couple of days, my mom let me stay home from school because I was so distraught,” you pulled all of his untangled hair to the nape of his neck and began wrapping the hair tie around it.

“It meant that my silly sixteen-year-old heart would ache when I saw you hand in hand with a girl in a magazine going out on a date,” you grinned at how silly you felt admitting that. Once his hair was secured in a low ponytail, your hands trailed along his broad shoulders.

“Now that I’ve thoroughly embarrassed myself, I’ll get to the point.” your intense gaze held years of longing for the hero in front of you, “Nothing about this is casual for me.”

Tears pricked the corners of Kirishima’s eyes. Had anyone ever showed him this much tender devotion? All the years he’d taken beating after beating, a glorified human shield, content with leaving most of the game to his friends. He was all rough edges and bulk. He was the one doing the protecting every time. Even in his romantic relationships, he was the one who would give, and give, and give… never asking or expecting to be taken care of. Being handled with such care was utterly foreign to him and it stirred up a deep need he never knew was there.

“Eji…” his glassy eyes met yours, “Can I take care of you?” you sank to your knees, hands sliding up his thighs.

“Please…”

Your hands made quick work of his button and zipper. He shifted his hips upwards to help you ease his jeans down his thick thighs and you pulled his jeans and boxers down in one slow pull. Nothing would have prepared you for just how huge he was. Your eyes widened for a fraction of a second, wondering how you’d get that thing to fit inside your cunt, much less your mouth… but it was something you were eager to find out.

Looking up at him from under your dark lashes, you made a show of lewdly licking your lips. You flattened your tongue and drug the wet muscle from his base right above his neatly trimmed patch of black hair, all the way to the swollen, red tip of his head. You felt the powerful muscles in his thighs clench as his head rolled back and a delicious moan escaped his open mouth. Making your hero come undone with one lick to his cock was intoxicating.

“Fuck, baby…” Kirishima fisted the sheets praying he wouldn’t come just from your teasing. He’s not sure his pride could handle it. It became a very real threat when he dared to look down at you kissing and licking all up and down his length. Once your mouth had gotten him wet enough, your soft hands joined your warm mouth in worshiping his cock. You met his gaze as you kissed his tip and licked up the pre that was escaping in pearlescent beads. When you had teased him to your contentment, you swallowed him down as deep as your throat would allow, wrapped your hand around his base, and moaned.

Kirishima had many blowjobs in his life. In fact, he’d had some that he would say were pretty amazing… but in all his adult life, he’d never been so thoroughly and enthusiastically devoured like this. He threaded his fingers of one hand in your loose bun and fisted your bed sheets in his other to ground himself. After a minute or two, he felt his release creeping up much faster than he wanted.

He placed his hands on either side of your face causing you to stop bobbing your head and look up at him. He ran his thumb against your swollen bottom lip and you leaned into his tender touch. He bends forward and places a kiss on the top of your head.

“Lay down on the bed,” he whispers into your hair. Nerves starting to catch up to you, you shook slightly as you stood from your spot on the floor. Before you lay down, you remember to take your apron off then lay on your pillows, heart pounding awaiting further instruction.

Kirishima hovers over you reminding you yet again just how tiny you are compared to him. His warm hand covers your knee and slowly travels up your thigh, stopping right before he meets your throbbing core. He runs his hand back down your thigh to gently nudge your knees apart. Leaning on his forearms, he positions himself between your thighs and you gasp at the friction created where your bodies meet. While planting tender kisses on your neck, he whispers, “I need you to promise that you’ll tell me if I need to stop or if something doesn’t feel okay. Can you do that?”

“Y-yes…” you moan as he nibbles on your earlobe, teasing with his sharp teeth but not breaking your skin.

“Mmm,” he places sweet kisses all along your jaw, your breath catching in your throat, “Good girl.”

Receiving praise from him made your chest swell. You wanted nothing more than to please this man you were rapidly falling for. He sat up, legs folded under his body, and slowly slid his hands under the hem of your oversized t-shirt. You felt his hands still on your stomach and looked up from where you were laying on your pillows to see what had made him freeze.

He met your gaze with a devilish grin, “Baby girl…” his thumbs run small circles on your skin, “Did you wear this for me?”

When you realize what he’s talking about, you hide your face and groan into your hands. You completely forgot that you were still in your old Red Riot t-shirt that you usually slept in. “Oh my god, this is so embarrassing!” you mumbled behind your palms.

Kirishima chuckled and shushed you, “No, no, no… This is the sexiest thing you could have possibly worn.” He pulls the hem of your t-shirt up to expose your tummy, burying his face in the soft skin there. Gentle kisses were placed all along the waistline of your leggings, every squishy part and every little stretchmark that decorated your skin like tiny spiderwebs were lovingly caressed with his plush lips. Having the part of your body you were the most self-conscious of worshiped like this felt more vulnerable than sex.

As the kisses traveled higher, they became sloppier and more desperate. You lifted your arms to allow him to remove your shirt, exposing your plain white cotton bra. The feel of his stubble against your skin as he moaned into your cleavage sent shivers down your body. Instead of paying attention to your neglected nipples, his warm mouth carved a path up the column of your throat, head thrown back to give him as much access as possible.

Kirishima whispered against the tender skin under your earlobe, “This okay, baby?” two large fingers dip into the front of your leggings. You nod enthusiastically, unable to form a coherent answer, “Mmm… I need words, sweet thing. You can do that for me, can’t you?”

“Yes… it’s more than okay,” your chests are touching as he works his hand down the front of your pants.

When Kirishima’s thick fingers slid between your drenched folds, you arched your back and grasped his forearm. Slowly, he spread your slick around, dancing past your clit with each stroke. His teasing was turning you into a whimpering mess underneath him.

He had all the time in the world and having you melt underneath his touch was the best way he could hope to spend it. After what felt like an eternity of him gently brushing against you, only slightly dipping into your needy hole and barely grazing your clit, you were openly panting and whining. A steady stream of praises flowed from his lips.

“You’re such a pretty girl… such a pretty little pussy.”

“Look at how wet you are for me. Like this, huh? My pretty girl likes my fingers teasing her?”

“I can’t wait to lick my fingers clean. You’re gonna taste so sweet.”

You were so worked up that tears began to form in your eyes, “Eji… I-“

“Hmm? What is it, baby girl? Need something?” His finger drags around your clit slowly, adding a fraction more pressure.

“Please, I need more Eji,” your nails digging into his forearm were leaving little crescents in his thick skin.

“Sweet girl,” he meets your mouth with a slow, wet kiss, “you can have whatever you want.”

Without hesitation, he sits up and pulls your leggings down with your panties. A groan rattles his large chest when he sees a thread of your slick attached to the crotch. Once his face is buried in between your thighs, it’s a real possibility he might come just from eating you out.

All the teasing had brought him to the edge as well and he was out of patience. With a few hurried kisses to each thigh, he dove into your dripping cleft. His tongue plunged into your core as he nudged his nose into your puffy clit.

You cry out and convulse around his face. His arms wrap around your thighs, firmly but gently holding your legs open to give him full access to eat you as thoroughly as possible. When he moves to suck your clit, you know you won’t last much longer. As he nurses on your sensitive nub, you feel the familiar tightening in your lower body. He picks up on this and moans into your skin as he greedily sucks.

“Ahh… Ahh, I’m- I’m gonna….”

“Oh that’s it,” he encourages you by praising you and massaging your thighs in his massive hands, “let me have it, baby girl. Come on, I’ve got you, I’ve got you.”

Your toes curl and back arches as you’re thrown over the edge. “Oh FUCK!! Coming, coming…. ooooh god… ahh D-daddy!…”

“Daddy, is it? Goddamn”

Kirishima felt his dick twitch and his breath caught in his throat.

He wipes his face on the back of his hands and makes a show of licking his fingers clean as he leans over you, nose touching yours.

“What was that baby?” His voice was strained as he pressed his dick into the warm, damp skin of your thigh…

You bat your lashes and ghost your lips over his as you whisper, “Daddy… please let me ride you. I need you inside me.” The nail in Kirishima’s coffin was when you licked his bottom lip then quickly followed with a chaste kiss.

You waste no time wrapping your thighs around his waist and twisting. He follows your lead and lays flat on his back letting you straddle him. You grab the hem of his shirt and similarly tease him, leaving a trail of kisses along his broad stomach. Kirishima flinches a little, self-conscious of his skin and how soft his middle had gotten over the years. You meet his eyes as you pull his shirt over his broad shoulders and run your hands back down his body.

“Mmm, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted this,” hands and eyes roamed over the expanse of skin in front of you, “It’s even better than in my dreams.”

He wondered for the hundredth time how got this lucky. You really loved his body? Maybe… maybe he wasn’t in as bad of shape as he thought…

“No,” his hands rubbed your hips, kneading your soft skin, “You’re better than I’d ever hoped to find.” He sits upon the headboard and pulls you closer into his lap, “Now,” he pulls your hair free of the messy bun, “Can you be a good girl and come on my cock?”

You lift your hips and place his tip at your entrance. That alone caused a delicious stretch and you knew it would be a slow process getting him to fit comfortably.

“Yes, Daddy,” your hands wrapped around his neck and he growled as he pulled you into a rough kiss.

“Good fuckin girl.”

He helped lower you onto his cock with lots of kisses, praises, and gentle squeezes. When you got closer to his base, the pain was too much for a moment. Kirishima used his thumb to rub circles into your clit, shushing you sweetly against your parted mouth.

“Are you okay, baby?” He brushes your hair off your sweaty forehead with his free hand while his other is still working your clit over.

“Yes, Daddy,” you whisper, “You fill me up so well. I love your massive cock filling me up.”

“You’re gonna make me crazy, you know that? Huh?” He pulls your lower lip into his mouth and sucks. You both sit for a while, exchanging kisses and whispers while you adjust to his girth.

“Are you ready to move now, sweet girl?”

“Yes, Daddy…” he helps you move, dragging your hips up and down his shaft.

After a few deep thrusts, you both increase your pace, matching each other’s movements. It’s not long before your head is thrown back, tears escaping the corners of your eyes. Loud moans and curses escape your mouth as one nipple is pulled into Kirishima’s mouth.

“Oh, Daddy! Fuck, fuck! Right there, right there… I… I’m… AHH!” Before you can even say anything, you’ve come undone, spasming around his cock.

“Oh, good girl, good fuckin girl,” you go limp and bury your face into his neck while he slams your hips onto his, chasing his release. The feeling of him using your body to get off makes you dizzy with joy. You lean into his ear whispering, “Please come inside me. Wanna feel you come inside me, Daddy… please, need your come inside me, Daddy.”

Your slurred pleas against his ear send him over the edge into a mind-numbing orgasm. As he comes down from his high and looks into your face full of adoration, he knows he’s caught… hook, line, and sinker.

*****

The rest of the evening is spent eating cookies on your couch, drinking cider, and watching your favorite crime drama. The sweet kisses and touches sprinkled throughout the night feel so natural… Like you’ve been together for years instead of hours.

You end up with Kirishima’s head in your lap, running your fingers through his hair as he closes his eyes and relaxes into your touch. The clock on your wall reads 12:30 am and it dawns on you what day it officially is.

“Eji?”

“Hmm?” He opens one eye and reaches up to scratch your scalp.

“Will you be my valentine?” You bite your bottom lip to stifle a silly grin.

He sits up and pulls you into a bear hug.

“What kinda silly question is that? Of course. I don’t ever want another valentine besides you.”

Your heart explodes and you kiss him, grabbing his cheeks in both hands.

“Sixteen-year-old me is absolutely losing her shit right now,” you giggle, rubbing his nose with yours.

“Well,” he grabs your ass and raises an eyebrow, “Forty-two-year-old me is losing his shit right now over finding such a sweet girl with such a sweet ass on her,” he nips at your neck and you squeal.

“Ooh, you ready for another round, old man?”

He growls and throws you over his shoulder. A swift spank to your ass causes you to burst into a fit of laughter.

“Oh, so I’m dealing with a brat now? You want me to show you what this old man does to little brats?” He squeezes your thighs as he makes his way to the bedroom.

“But I’m your good girl! Remember?!”

“Yeah, yeah… We’ll see about that.”

#bnha #boku no hero academia #mha #my hero academia #bnha smut #kirishima eijirou x reader #kirishima x reader #eijirou kirishima #kirishima smut #dilf!kiri #tw praise kink #tw daddy kink #vanilla #body insecurity tw #jade writes smut

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clairecrive · 3 years

Note

Hello beautiful person! Do you take requests which ask you to write a second chapter for your writings? If you do, may I ask a second chapter for "Rare"? And if you don't could you please let me know so I can be careful for another time when I ask a request?

I hope this is not something that disturbes or irritates you. I love your writing, it is beautiful and sometimes I read your pieces over and over again. 😁

Thanks for blessing us with your writing. Have a nice day.💕

A/n: First of all anon, thank you so very much for your sweet words! They mean the world to me <3 Also, your request could never irritate me! I love them and I love the fact that you consider me half a decent writer enough to send me your thoughts <3 I'm sorry it took me so long to get around this but I hope you like this and are still around to read it x

I've decided to pair it with a request for juicy time with Eddie. there's no actual smut but it's suggestive let's say.

Warnings: bit of angst, fluff,

Word count: 2.4K

Tags: @mollybegger-blog, @evelynshelby, @br0ck-eddie, @fandom--0verdose, @shadow-of-wonder, @innerpaperexpertcloud, @sopxhiea, @fuseburner, @for-bebbanburg, @crazyclownchick ( fill in this form to be added to my taglist)

Part 1

TOM HARDY MASTERLIST

You weren't exactly new to heartbreak. You had been a teenager after all but your experience with adult relationships had not been that good either.

You knew that you'd be over Eddie even if it may take you some time. It's true that you had only been dating for a few months but you had really grown attached to him. It was one of the things you hated about yourself: the way you got attached way too soon, way too much.

Especially, in this case, seeing as Eddie hadn't been 100% in it in the beginning you had hoped that the more time you'd spend together, he'd see that you weren't so bad and that he'd grow to care for you. At least a little bit.

Turns out you were wrong.

As much as you hated being wrong, the thing that hurt you the most was that despite your best efforts, Eddie still didn't think you were enough for him. And how could you be when the benchmark was perfect Anne?

You stood no chance. You had been a fool for even trying. And now you were experiencing the burn for your foolishness.

This had happened often enough that you had developed a routine for dealing with heartbreak:

1) crying your heart out and indulging your sadness with whatever helped (mostly comfort food and Friends)

2) enough with indulging, it was time to pick yourself up. No more overeating although you still allowed yourself to cry if you felt like it

3) "I don't need him anyway" phase where you'd make a mental list of how your life was before and after whoever you had broken up with to remind you that they weren't as important as you made them out to be

4)"put yourself out there again" phase where you started going out again with the intention of meeting new people or simply having a good time.

As of this time, you were in phase 3. You noticed that there were some of Eddie's things littering around your apartment. So, you picked up a box and collected them with the intention of returning them to him, effectively closing this chapter. As you did, you made that aforementioned list. This time, with the added reason for your break up, it was a bit easier to remind you why breaking up had been the right decision.

When your hands closed on your favourite hoodie of his though, you couldn't help the pang in your heart as a flood of memories hit you.

You and Eddie doing a Friends marathon every Friday night.

Eddie giving this hoodie when you were sick because he knew how much you liked it.

Eddie taking the hoodie off for a whole other reason almost ripping it...

No.

Shaking your head, you pushed those thoughts aside, focusing on the task at hand.

Enough of that. It was over.

It was only a week later that you finally got the time to come around Eddie's apartment. Sure, you could have called him, he could have come himself to pick them up or you could have dropped them at his job but that would have required you to call him. And recalling how that went last time you tried to reach him you decided you'd spare yourself the humiliation of him not ghosting you again.

Taking a deep breath, you straightened your shoulders and knocked on his door.

"Y/n." You were met with a dishevelled Eddie.

He looked like shit but what's new with him. He also looked very surprised to see you at his door and you also couldn't blame it for that. You would have reacted the same way if the roles were reversed.

"Hi, Eddie," you hated your treacherous voice that wobbled when you spoke. Clearing your voice, you tried again.

"Sorry to come here unannounced. I've found some of your stuff in my apartment and I thought you'd like to have them back." You explained as you handed him the box, his eyes taking it in for the first time.

"Oh," he paused as he considered your words. Was that disappointment in his voice? "Thank you, y/n. You shouldn't have." He smiled weakly as he took the box from you, your fingers touching briefly.

"It's not a problem, Eddie. I was just passing by anyway." You and Eddie actually lived far from each other. The truth is that there was no reason for you to be in this part of town if it wasn't for him. Eddie knew that but he was kind enough not to point that out.

He just nodded, accepting your words as he held the box close to his chest.

You awkwardly stared at each other for a while, you didn't know what to say but neither of you wanted to end this exchange quite yet. When you felt that you had been standing like a fool in front of your ex's door, you went to leave but Eddie beat you to it.

"So how have you been?" Your first reaction was to scoff at this attempt of small talk. Neither of you was very good at it. And truthfully, it was rich coming from someone who had not made any effort to keep in contact with you even before your breakup.

The scroll of your shoulders was the only answer Eddie got. You weren't in the mood to pretend nor did you want him to know how you were still suffering for him.

"I should ask that to you." You reverted the question to him. He really didn't look well.

"yeah, it's been a rough couple of weeks," he confessed scratching the back of his head.

"That, I don't find it hard to believe," you hummed as your eyes took him in, really took him in since you knocked at his door. You could also see behind him that his apartment was a mess.

"Yeah, don't have to worry about me though. I'm fine."

"Of course." You nodded at his dismissal, remembering harshly the situation you were in."Well, I'm going to go now. Take care." Cold but still polite you turn around, ready to put this -Eddie and this exchange- behind you.

"Y/n, wait!" he called when you were about to climb down the staircase. "Do you want to have a drink or something?" Stay for a while? he meant but didn't dare to say.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Eddie." You called over your shoulder, hand still on the railing.

"Please, I owe you an explanation." You didn't know if it was the desperate note in his voice or the fact that he really looked like shit but you turned around almost convinced.

"Don't you think it's too late for that, Eddie?"

"Maybe it won't change anything between us but you deserve to know." You knew Eddie and you knew how much he cared about transparency and honesty. This may not mean that you were going to get back together but he was right, you deserved an explanation.

"Okay," you agreed as you walked back and then into his apartment. Eddie closed the door behind him and set the box he was still holding down behind the coat hanger.

The sneak peek you had before was definitely right: Eddie's apartment was even messier than usual.

"Why does it look like a tornado hit your home?" You couldnìt help but point out. You knew Eddie wasn't that bothered by tidiness but this too much even by his standards.

"That would be my fault," a new voice answered you.

At first, you didn't register the difference in tone or accent even though you should have had because Eddieìs voice wasnìt that low or raspy. But then a black tendril entered your vision field catching your attention making you turning your head to better inspect it.

What.the.fuck??

"Eddie?" You asked perplexed, eyes fixed on this thing? even if you were addressing Eddie.

"Y/n meet Venom, Venom meet y/n." He gestured awkwardly with his hands.

"It's so nice to meet you, Eddie's always thinking about you, you know? It's a bit annoying." this time the voice didn't come from a tendril but a face. A fucking alien face with long sharp teeth and wide white eyes.

His words went straight over your head. How the fuck was this true? What were you even seeing? Did this thing come from Eddie's body??

"Fuck, I know I'm heartbroken but now I'm even seeing things?"

"Y/n," Eddie tried to get your attention. You thought you had only thought that but apparently, you had spoken the words. "You're not seeing things, this is part of the explanation I owe you."

"I think it's better if you sit," he said motioning to his couch when you did nothing but stare at Venom. Prompting by Eddie though, you sat down and listened as he spoke.

He told you everything. About Carton Drake about his project with aliens, about Venom and their rather troubled relationship. He even explained how Anne had got involved and how she and Danny had helped him.

It was definitely a lot to take in. But somehow, the thought that he could be lying to you never crossed your mind. The proof was right in front of you, wasn't it? Venom, as he had introduced himself, stood next to Eddie while he spoke. It had never spoken again and you were inwardly thankful for that. That he was giving you space to digest all of this.

"Why didn't you tell me when you came around that day, Eddie?" You asked once you thought you had wrapped your head around it.

"I didn't want you to drag you into this mess," he said with a shrug, head cast down he didn't meet your eyes.

You didn't know how you felt about all of this yet but you nodded anyway. Well, there was nothing you could do anymore, could you? He had already taken care of everything on his own and it wasn't like you had any right to worry about him anymore.

"Thank you for explaining, Eddie. I appreciate your honesty." Did this change anything for you?

"I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you weren't enough of if Anne meant more to me than you did. That's not true but I didn't know how to tell you that without telling you what was happening." He nervously fiddled with his fingers without meeting your eyes.

You could see his point now that you knew what happened. Still, it hurt you that he decided to just keep you out of it without a word. He could have at least told you that something was going on, that he didn't or couldn't tell you anything - not right now. You would have understood and given him space. Did he really act like this to keep you safe or was it a way to dismiss you?

"I don't know if this changes things, Eddie. You still turned up to her when a major life-threatening event happened. I think this tells me everything that I need to know." You point out after a while, eyes fixed on the end of your shoes.

"She has been involved from the moment we broke up, Y/n. Hell, this was the reason we broke up in the first place." Eddie's head snapped up at your words. He looked surprised at your words like he couldn't believe that you thought Anne's involvement had been something he had actively sought out.

"That may as well be true, Eddie but still, you didn't tell me even after everything settled down. If I hadn't come around to give you your stuff I still would be none the wiser."

"I was afraid, y/n. How could I come back to you after how much I had hurt you? 'Sorry if I went m.i.a. for a while, I was infected with a parasite who knows permanently with me?' Come on, y/n, I wouldn't take me back either." Now upset, Eddie started to gesticulate frantically to prove his point. His eyes flickered between yours, he leaned toward you, his hands a touch away from yours as if he wanted to touch you but was preventing himself from doing so.

"I'm not saying I would have believed you straight away but still- aliens are way better than self-loathing you know?" You scoff at him- why was he so upset? He wasn't the one who had been beating himself up since that fight for being a worthless piece of shit, was he?

"I know I've never done a good job at showing you but I do care about you. Deeply." Almost as if he couldn't bear to not be touching you any longer, Eddie now reached for your hands. His hold on them tightening as he spoke the words.

You looked at him for a moment. Aside from that fight, your relationship with him had been good. The start wasn't promising, seeing as he was still taken by Anne but Eddie had treated you good. He was attentive and caring in his own way. Looking back to it now, you realized that the period where you started feeling him pulling back from you was the time when this whole alien thing had started.

But now you had settled this, right? So, could this mean...

"If I give you one more chance to show you," you spoke tentatively, enthralled by the twinkle in his eyes, "do you promise me to be fully transparent with me this time around?"

"What? Why would you do that?" He looked shocked but his eyes were hopeful.

"Are you trying to talk me out of it, Eddie?" You challenged him, arching an eyebrow.

"Like hell I am." He scoffed, a smile on his lips. "Nono, of course I do. I swear, y/n. You'll never feel like you don't matter to me again."

"Good." You gave him a small smile at the gobsmacked expression on his face. Oh, Eddie...

He does nothing but stares at you for a while. Like he hadn't seen you in a while and now that you were in front of him, he wanted to commit to his memory every little detail of your face.

"So," you said after a while, "do you plan to stare at me or would you like to get a head start on your promise?" you provoke him with a suggestive tone.

Eddie's mouth fell a little at that, Venom said something to him but you didn't understand him. Shaking his head, Eddie smirks at you.

"I would like nothing more." And with that, Eddie's lips are on yours making up for the lost time.

#eddie brock #eddie brock x reader #eddie brock x you #eddie brock one shot #eddie brock imagines #eddie brock imagine #eddie brock angst #eddie brock smut #venom #marvel #tom hardy x reader #tom hardy imagines #eddie brock fanfiction #eddie brock ff

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stxleslyds · 3 years

Note

Also, the writers' failure to understand, every crime Jason committed had a motive. Attack other criminals? Holy warrior destined to purify the world of evil. Attack Bruce? Joker's still alive. (Oh, Jason, it's much worse than that.) Attack Tim? A parody of what he once was. He wasn't just a "bad boy". He was dangerously insane.

Hi, Anon! Yup, there seems to be a lot of things that writers have gotten confused about Jason Todd/Red Hood and the biggest one is his motivations to kill certain criminals.

Let’s be honest, Judd Winick set a golden path for the upcoming Red Hood writers. But each and every writer that used Red Hood in their stories completely missed the point of Jason’s character. All of them. It’s so incredibly wild to me that every other writer read UtRH and came up with whichever version of Jason they came up with.

Let’s list the writers that completely missed the point.

Geoff Johns in Teen Titans vol.3 #29.

Geoff Johns was one of the first to completely mischaracterize Jason, why on earth would Jason go to the Titans Tower to beat up Tim? This is not me saying that Jason would never do that because Jason thinks of Tim as his brother or a friend or the person that he can trust the most from the Bat-Clan (can you believe Lobdell tried to sell us that one?), this is me saying that Jason wouldn’t have done that because he couldn’t have given less of a fuck about Tim’s existence.

When Jason found out that Bruce had another Robin he wasn’t bothered by his “replacement” he was mad at Bruce for having another child playing hero after he lost his life as a fifteen-year-old. Jason didn’t even think of Tim as his replacement as fandom likes to make us believe, Jason called Tim “pretender”. And that was that, but to go from minimal recognition to go out of his way to beat him up at Titans Tower is a massive mischaracterization.

Paul Dini in Countdown (to Final Crisis).

Paul Dini in Countdown did absolutely nothing with Jason, I am sorry but that’s all he did. Him writing Jason was like watching a dog trying to catch their own tail. He started with a pretty basic take on UtRH Jason, then he added a bit of Jason being an annoying man with Donna, then we had the jealousy arc because apparently, Jason had the hots for Donna but she didn’t want anything to do with him and he was all angsty when she paid attention to Kyle instead of him, and then, later on, he had that whole Red Robin bullshit (I am sorry about this, but I absolutely hated that, it was so dumb, I am so glad it didn’t last long because it was just too bad), and after all that mix of just not interesting stuff he went right back to the Jason that he had at the very start. It was a waste of time, but I guess that he had to be there because he was an anomaly and all that. I just think that was DC’s first try at making Jason Todd/Red Hood something more than just a street-level vigilante and they failed miserably.

Tony S. Daniel in Batman: Battle for the Cowl.

Even though the first two did make mistakes with Jason’s characterizations, this man was the first to just throw UtRH out of the window and make up his very own version of Jason Todd. And his version was horrendous, that Jason had no problem with attempting to kill children and innocent people, he also really wanted to be Batman because Gotham needed a Batman and he wanted to be the person to wear the Cowl and he was looking for a Robin for himself.

I know, the whole concept is the perfect opposite of what Jason Todd and Red Hood were in UtRH. Every aspect of BftC Jason is based on nothing.

Jason wanting to be Batman because Gotham needed Batman is just the beginning of what’s wrong in this book. Jason became the Red Hood (in part) because he believed that Batman and his ways weren’t what Gotham needed so he made a better version of Batman with Red Hood (according to him) because Red Hood did what Batman refused to do. Another thing that is just wrong is Jason wanting, Damian, Tim or Dick to be his Robin, there is just so much wrong with this, first of all, Jason wanted Batman to stop having Robin because child soldiers ran the risk of dying at a very young age and that’s exactly how he saw the whole thing because that was what had happened to him. Second, if Jason was mad at Bruce for getting another Robin why would he now want one of his own to team up with his Batman? Damian was a child, Tim was someone that apparently Jason hated (because Jason beating Tim was mentioned in this event), and then Jason actually asked Dick Grayson, Nightwing, to be his Robin? Listen, there is no way that was Jason, nothing about him makes sense, even taking into account that Jason had beaten Tim already in this event Jason actually tried to kill both Tim and Damian (it might have been just one of them but yeah, it still doesn’t make sense).

I just don’t think that Tony S. Daniel knew who Jason Todd was, maybe he got confused but the thing is, his “villainous” and deranged version of Jason Todd allowed a villainous and deranged version of Red Hood to happen with the next writer that I will be talking about.

Grant Morrison in Batman and Robin vol.1 #3-6.

This was the birth of the villainous, deranged and bloodthirsty Red Hood. There is absolutely no trace of UtRH Jason here, not even if we are looking at the opposite of things like we could do with Daniel’s Jason. Grant Morrison wanted Dick and Damian to have a villain to match their Batman and Robin and they decided to give us a red-haired-pill-headed-red hood. Everything from Morrison’s characterization of Jason is crazy, from the red hair (hello pre-crisis) to the awful Joker’s Red Hood looking suit, everything was just weird.

I still don’t believe that was Jason, to be honest, I would rather think that version of Jason was actually a rouge Skrull that came all the way from the Marvel Universe and lost his way in Gotham City. Maybe when he made the jump between universes, he got too much information and got confused and took the form of the wonkiest Jason Todd he could come up with.

This Jason was absolutely deranged, he knew exactly what he was doing and he didn’t care if innocents died. This Jason was the one that got locked up in Arkham. This is the Jason that Dick put in Arkham for Jason and everybody else’s safety.

Dick putting that Jason in Arkham wasn’t a bad thing or something that anyone can use to shit on Dick Grayson (not on this house). This Arkham was reformed and that Jason knew that if he stayed in that new Arkham he would stay away from trouble, but here is the thing, that Jason loved trouble, so he took all the tests to prove he wasn’t insane and asked to be transferred to Blackgate (where all the Red Hood’s enemies were). That Jason didn’t ask to be sent to Blackgate because the Joker was a cell away from his in Arkham, he did it so he could go on a killing spree in Blackgate (which he did when he got there).

Skrull Jason was just bloodthirsty and nothing like UtRH Jason, he had no motive other than just killing for fun or whatever. He didn’t want to protect Gotham and he couldn’t have cared less about the drug trade in Gotham. In Batman and Robin vol.1. Jason Todd was unrecognizable. And luckily, we never saw him again.

Scott Lobdell in Everything that he ever wrote about Red Hood.

This one is pretty self-explanatory. Lobdell was the king of overpowering Jason, he was the one that drove Red Hood farther and farther away from his street-level vigilante status. He continuously added more to him, he was a big deal because he was meant to take down Ra’s al Ghul, he was a big deal because he was the only human to train in the All-Castle and learned to summon the All-Blades.

This Red Hood’s morals and ideals were kind of gone, there just wasn’t any kind of interest in Jason to get rid of drugs or try to control its trade in Gotham, he just had no interest in street-level threats, everything was extraordinary in both New 52 and Rebirth. If he wasn’t in space he was in some mystical land. His friends and allies became even more and more powerful, his level of power was completely off compared to the others. His personality was ever-changing and quite honestly you could barely see the Jason that he once was.

This Jason also was very inconsistent in the way that he felt towards people (obviously because Lobdell is a shitty writer), he wanted to follow Batman’s rules and was shown as someone that still had fond memories of his life with Bruce before he died but was also willing to let those memories go, to move on? Maybe? I don’t know. But he changed his mind about Bruce and following his rules or not for a very long time. Jason was also a little bitch about Dick, and he was a little bitch because he (Lobdell) never gave the reader or anyone a concrete reason as to why he hated him so much and then in Rebirth he decided that Dick wasn’t that bad. Also, Jason went from “Willis Todd, abusive husband and father that deserved to die” to “Willis Todd abusive husband and father but he sent me letters when he was in prison and Penguin had him killed so now, I really want to avenge him”. Yeah, I don’t really know why that happened and like most of Lobdell’s arcs and stuff it was never really completed or well thought out.

Lobdell’s Jason characterization was a mess for ten years and that’s the prime reason why Jason is a character with no solid background, story or future.

James Tynion IV in Red Hood and the Outlaws.

Tynion’s Jason Todd was a hero, he was like a mini Tom King Batman. Everything he did was right and there was just no way that you could bamboozle him. This Jason was able to hold to Blades that drained his soul as well as hosting the Untitled in his body (that were able to drain his soul too) and on top of all that he completed his journey of the Chosen One by making those ancient martial arts moves that he learned before he was Robin even though Talia hadn’t been able to master it yet.

Scott Snyder, Tim Seeley in Batman Eternal and Batman and Robin Eternal.

A mess, this was pure New 52 levels of bullshit and they all just wanted to push the “Batfamily” and while Dick was gone, they were trying to make Jason fill the void that Dick left in Batman events. It didn’t work at all and all they did was mess around with Jason’s characterization more.

Geoff Johns in Three Jokers.

I have talked enough about Johns’ takes on Jason Todd and Red Hood, but let me tell you something real quick, if a writer thinks that the best they can do with a character is make them give up their morals/ideals for an unrequited love interest, then they can keep that idea for themselves. Geoff Johns wrote a book that was absolutely not needed and then proceeded to butcher every characterization that he could, Three Jokers was three issues long and he managed to add more trauma to Jason’s torture, push the narrative of Jason being at fault for his own murder and make Jason’s motivations to be the Red Hood weak enough to make him want to give up his work for a woman that he barely knows (and doesn’t like him at all).

Joshua Williamson in Future State: Red Hood and Robin #5.

Now, with Williamson I have issues only when he writes Jason, not because his stories are bad, don’t get me wrong, I would have completely enjoyed FS: Red Hood if it weren’t for the completely unnecessary Rose/Jason side plot he had going on. Jason was clearly working undercover for some people that he hated working with. He had to arrest or kill “masks” (vigilantes, just like he “used” to be) for the Magistrate.

His ideas were pretty solid, Jason did the job but he never killed the masks and actively didn’t trust the Magistrate but he was working there to tear them apart from within, and that’s amazing if Williamson had given us Jason Todd/Red Hood working undercover to dismantle an organization I would have been really happy.

But that’s not all he gave us, even if I just forget about his failed attempt at giving Jason a relationship, I can still see that Williamson is the kind of writer that wants (or is just following DC) to make the “Batfamily” happen no matter how dumb and out of place it looks in comics’ canon. So, I am a little bit weary, any writer that leans too much towards making Jason and Bruce work together and become a family makes me want to scream, but I do understand that is just me, many people want those two to be buddy-buddy, I, personally, would love to see Jason kick Bruce in the balls and tell him to lose his number.

Chip Zdarsky in Urban Legends: Cheer.

Ah, yes, I remember the days in which I thought that this could have been something good. Well, I was utterly wrong and I suffered all the way through this mini. I feel like now I can safely say that Zdarsky only wanted to write a Batman book but DC told him, “Hey you can write Batman but it has to be within a Red Hood story, but don’t worry, you don’t have to know much about the Hood guy, just come up with something and write Batman around that”.

I know that’s what happened because I read that story and all we got from it was horrible characterizations for pre-Robin Jason, Robin Jason, Jason Todd and Red Hood. I don’t know how he did it but yes, he managed to mess it all up.

From Jason not really wanting to be Robin and acting recklessly every step of the way, to secret desires of a perfect family with Bruce and so many other people that he couldn’t care about, Urban Legends: Cheer is the perfect book to avoid at all costs if you believe that the concept of “Batfamily” is the biggest lie, DC is trying to profit off this time around.

Zdarsky also nerfed Jason in ways that I thought DC only wanted to nerf Dick Grayson. But I was able to see that I was wrong. Zdarsky’s run also pushed some of the most disastrous narratives that DC really wants readers to believe like: Robin Jason wasn’t good at his job, he was too reckless and ultimately his death was his own fault. Yay! I want to cry!

I will give Zdarsky two points for at the very least showing that Red Hood wants to protect children and that he has a huge issue with how the drug trade is controlled and abused in Gotham City, it had been a while since we had seen that aspect of Jason’s Red Hood make an appearance.

It’s just too many writers completely missing the point of Red Hood’s character or simply writers agreeing to destroy Jason’s uniqueness in the DC Universe so DC (as the publisher) can further push the abomination that is the “Batfamily” in comics’ canon.

I do agree with you Anon when you say that Jason isn’t just a “bad boy” but I also don’t think that we can call UtRH Jason “dangerously insane”. Personally, I will only use that last description for BftC and Batman and Robin Jason, those two were dangerously insane indeed.

UtRH Jason was very meticulous in who he wanted dead and who got to live. He entered Gotham’s most dangerous world and he had to make a big entrance, he invited the eight most prosperous street dealers to a meeting, showed up with the decapitated heads of each of their right-hand men and an AK-47 and said:

“I am offering you a deal. I will be running the drug trade from now on. You will go about your business as usual. You will kick up forty percent to me. That is a much better deal than the Black Mask will give you. In return, you will have total protection from both the Black Mask and Batman. The catch? You stay away from kids and schoolyards. No dealing to children, got it? If you do, you’re dead.”

This was Red Hood! Red Hood wanted to control the drug trade in Gotham because he knew that Gotham is far too corrupt and filled with drug lords for him to just want to eradicate drugs from Gotham. If he had tried that he would have been a dumbass, but he wasn’t. He didn’t want to start a gang war and get innocent people killed because of it, he wanted to set the rules of his new Empire and he had to start with the street-level drug dealers, from there he grew until he became a major pain in Black Mask’s ass.

We went from Jason wanting to control the drug trade and take over Gotham’s underworld so people like Black mask couldn’t have people work for him (or being dependent on him) when they were still in high school or were in a vulnerable position, to Jason fighting a war for a mystic land because he was their “Chosen One”. DC really wanted to do something grand (yet boring) with Jason instead of sticking to a street-level vigilante that could have become a Drug Lord to control the drug trade of a city that is so filled with crime and corruption that it can’t be saved by anyone.

Batman doesn’t eradicate crime, he “controls” it, puts a blank it over it, lets it nap up until it wakes up once more to make more mess.

Red Hood had other plans, certain criminals didn’t get to nap, or, better said, they would get to nap forever.

So, no. I wouldn’t call that “dangerously insane”, I will call that “vigilante that believes himself judge, jury and executioner” of a city that is drowning in crime and corruption.

Anyway, I hope you have a really nice week Anon and thank you so much for sending me this ask!

#jason todd #red hood #under the red hood #red hood and the outlaws #dc comics #future state red hood #three jokers #bftc #asksss

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jikookiekosmos · 4 years

Text

Can You Feel Me || jjk

➥Pairing: best friend!jungkook/reader, stripper!jungkook/reader

➥Summary: It wasn’t supposed to happen, but it did: you slept with your best friend, Jungkook, and now you’re feeling confused. You want to take your mind off of things, so what do you do? Hire a stripper, of course! But when you leave the hiring to your roommate, you end up getting more than you bargained for.

➥Genre: best friends to lovers, angst, smut, fluff

➥Rating: 18+

➥Content Warnings: making out, marking/biting, dry humping, reader is blindfolded for part of it, jungkook is acting as a stripper (reader has no idea to start with), dirty talk, slight choking/breath play, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, cursing (fuck is said a lot), oral (f. receiving), fingering, jungkook has a big dick, unprotected sex (reader is on the pill), cumming inside, praise, aftercare (they take a shower, lots of cuddling), jungkook is actually the sweetest

➥Words: ~8.6k

A/N: this is the follow up chapter to Be Good For Me, but it can also be read as a stand-alone fic.

Thank you to Kenz for always supporting me and inspiring me to be a better writer. ❤

Also, thank you to anyone who reads this, I hope you enjoy it~

➥Masterlist

⊱��─────── ✬ ✬ ✬ ────────⊰

It’d been almost a week since you’d slept with Jungkook. You hadn’t talked much – which was 100% your fault since you kept dodging most of his calls and texts. But it didn’t make it hurt any less.

The look on his face when you told him the morning after that it meant nothing to you and that you both should essentially forget about it (spoiler: you couldn’t) was all you could see when you tried to sleep at night. He looked so crestfallen and it broke your heart.

But you kept telling yourself you were doing this for the best.

In your mind, he was confused. You thought that maybe he slept with you because he was horny and you just conveniently happened to be there. And hell, maybe that’s why you did it, too! You guys were just two consenting, horny adults, having a good time. There didn’t have to be feelings involved.

Which is what you kept instilling in your brain every day for the last 6 days. It didn’t make anything better. You kept thinking about how his hands felt on you when he was holding you up, how he took care to not hurt you and kept making sure you were ok with everything that was happening. How he looked at you like you were the only person in the world. It was driving you crazy.

Your roommate was tired of seeing you mope around your apartment, grumbling things about how you were treating this like a break-up and just needed to work it out with Jungkook already. She knew Jungkook, too, not as well as you, of course, but enough. She also tried to convince you that pushing him away wasn’t the answer but you were stubborn and didn’t want to listen.

It was Thursday night when she brought up the idea of hiring a stripper to help you forget.

“You’re kidding,” was your response as you closed your book you’d been reading, curled up on the couch. The look on her face told you she absolutely was not joking.

“Nope, I think it’s a great idea, and if you’re down you can just leave everything to me. I know a guy,” she responded nonchalantly and you just stared at her. When she didn’t elaborate, you sighed and agreed. Hell, hiring a stripper may be more fun that you thought. And you’d have a whole day at work the next day to think about it.

Work the following day went by much faster than usual, because you had been surprisingly buzzing with excitement about the whole stripper scenario that was supposed to go down later. You had decided to leave the hiring of the stripper up to your roommate and she had yet to actually tell you who she hired.

When she finally did, though, you couldn’t believe what you were hearing.

“Okay so like I said, I know a guy, but his style is a little...unique.”

“That sounds kinda sketch,” you said with a tiny frown. You were still excited but also…it sounded extremely sus.

“No I promise he’s really good! His whole thing is just that you can’t see him, so you’ll have to be blindfolded while he does his routine. He has great reviews though, people say it brings this whole new level to the experience.” She grinned and it honestly sounded crazy enough to be true, and you figured your generation was known to be into crazy shit so you guessed it wouldn’t be too bad…

You sighed in defeat. “Alright fine, fuck it. I trust you.”

“Yay! I think you’re really gonna love this guy.” Her beaming face was enough to melt your worries away. That was, until you understood what she just said.

“Wait, why do you keep saying ‘you’ like I’m gonna be the only one. I thought this was supposed to be a way for both of us to relax after this hell of a week.” You were confused about why she kept talking like she wasn’t going to be around-

“Nah, I actually have some stuff to do so this one’s all you.”

“Wait, no-“ you started to protest, but there was suddenly a knock at the door.

“Oh, that’s probably him. You just wait here, I’ll be right back.” She ignored your shock, already heading to open the door.

“Hey,” you yelled after her, “we’re not done talking about this.”

“We are for now,” was her response before she disappeared.

When she returned a little bit later, you were still where she left you, this time with your arms crossed.

“I don’t know about this,” you expressed your worry again.

“Y/N. Please just trust me on this. It’s gonna be great, I promise.” She smiled and you couldn’t deny how that smile made you feel like everything would be alright. She really was a good friend to you, even if you didn’t understand her at times.

“Okay, so he’s all ready to come in and start. We just need something to blindfold you with.” She started looking around the room.

“Wait here, I’ll be right back.” You left to go grab just what you needed from your room. You grabbed a tie - funnily enough, it was one of Jungkook’s. He was always leaving clothes at your apartment along with various other things he owned. You clutched the tie to your chest, trying to push your confusing feelings back down. Now wasn’t the time for that.

When you got back, your roommate excitedly turned you around, preparing to blindfold you. As you waited you held your breath, and when you felt the fabric on your face, you tried to open your eyes. All you saw was black and for a moment it actually kind of frightened you.

Your roommate told you to wait so she could go get a chair, and when she returned she held onto your hand which calmed you down some, guiding you so you could sit down. You heard her walk away to open the door, and soon after you heard her come back with what sounded like another set of footsteps.

“Alright well I’ll leave you guys to it. Don’t break anything in our apartment or I swear to God I won’t pay you.” Her tone was joking, and she almost sounded like she might know this person, if you didn’t know any better. She was probably doing it to make you feel better, though, and you had to admit it helped.

Once you heard her footsteps fade away, you were suddenly very aware that you were in the room blindfolded with a complete stranger. And as much as that fact scared you, it also excited you. Which probably wasn’t supposed to happen, but you know.

“So,” you started awkwardly. You heard the other person make a sound that was something like a sharp intake of breath but it was honestly hard to tell. Were they nervous?

They cleared their throat. “Your friend seems nice,” was the first thing they said, and it was so unexpected that you couldn’t help but laugh.

His voice also sounded really hot, it was deep and had a faint accent to it and you were somewhat sad you couldn’t see who the voice belonged to because you just knew he had to be attractive.

“Yeah, she’s the best. She also said you came highly recommended which I gotta say,” you tilted your head to the side, in what you hoped might be his direction, “I’m kinda curious to see why that is.”

He chuckled, the sound dark and mysterious.

“Well, I’ll be more than happy to show you.” More footsteps as he got closer now, and soon you could feel him close to you.

“What’s your name, babygirl?”

Oh fuck, you were in trouble. Fuck, that pet name, what the fuck-

“Y/N,” you stuttered out. It felt like he was standing right in front of you now.

“Mmm,” he hummed, that accent threatening to drive you crazy, “pretty name for a pretty woman.” You felt something brush against your knee, making you jerk slightly in the chair.

Yeah, you were liking this blindfold thing a little too much, probably.

You laughed. “Please, you can’t even see all of me to know that.”

“Don’t have to,” came his hushed response. “I can see everything I need to-“

He paused for a moment and when he spoke again, it was right by your ear.

“And what I’m seeing right now, tells me that you are very attractive.” His lips ghosted along the shell of your ear, never touching, and the teasing was making you hot.

‘For the love of god,’ you thought to yourself, ‘please do not already get aroused by this stranger in your home-‘

“That’s very kind of you, stranger who has a very attractive voice and is probably attractive in general.” There came that damned chuckle again.

“Hm, I’m glad you think so. How about I show you why I do my job the way I do now, yeah?” He sounded a lot closer now too, and you definitely felt something in front of your legs, probably his own.

“However, if at any point I do anything you’re not comfortable with, I need you to tell me, ok?” Even with that hot sounding voice you could still hear the concern. Which, of course, made him even more hot and you were so sad you couldn’t see him-

“Yes, of course, I’ll let you know. I’m fine right now, I’m enjoying all of this.”

“Good,” you could almost hear the smile in his voice. “First,” he continued, “blindfolding is effective because it takes away one of your senses.”

“Which means-“ his hand brushed against your cheek, “all of your other senses are heightened. Everything is more intense.” You felt as his fingers trailed from your cheek down to your neck before slightly curving around your throat.

You let out a quick gasp, your arousal from his actions immediate.

He gently squeezed, not really applying any pressure at all, it was more of just a touch, but it made you wet all the same. You tried to discreetly rub your thighs together because you didn’t want this happening so soon.

“I-I see,” you stuttered, his fingers still wrapped around your throat. He was applying feather light touches there, while simultaneously trailing the fingers from his other hand down your bare arm, since you were still wearing a sleeveless dress from earlier.

“So even though you can’t see me,” you heard him say as he removed his fingers from your neck, making you almost whine at the loss. “You can feel everything I’m doing to you that much more.”

It was then that you felt him close to your lap, and before you could process what was happening, he grinded down, close enough to where you could almost feel him, just as he said.

It felt like he was rolling his hips, and it was like he could see what you were thinking, because he used his hands to guide both of yours to his hips so you could feel exactly what he was doing.

“Wow, you’re really good at this,” you breathed out without thinking, and you were rewarded with another beautiful sounding chuckle from the man now above you. He sounded so hot, holy fuck-

“I’m glad you think so, because there’s plenty more where that came from,” was his response, and before you could question what he meant, he ground down again and this time you did feel it.

You bit your lip to hold in a quiet moan that threatened to slip out. Suddenly, a hand gripped your chin and tugged it down a little, making you stop biting your lip.

“Nuh uh, none of that, babygirl,” fuck there it was again, no pet name had ever had that effect on you before.

He was still rolling his hips and from what you could feel with your hands and in other places he seemed like a real fucking expert at it. It was getting harder and harder to hold in any sounds, but you really didn’t want to let any out just yet.

“I want to hear all the pretty sounds you can make,” he said, and he was just hovering above your lips now. God this stranger was going to be the death of you.

“Fuck,” you cursed under your breath, turning your head to the side as you tried to concentrate on something other than the feeling of him so close to your clothed core.

“What made you want to hire a stripper, anyway,” the mystery man surprised you by changing the subject. “Your friend said something about you were having a bad week?”

All the memories of everything involving Jungkook came flooding back and it was the last thing you wanted to think about right now. But, you couldn’t blame him for being curious, and since he was showing you such a good time, it’d be rude to not answer him.

“Yeah, it’s – fuck – it’s been a week.” He was still rolling his hips and you made no attempt to stop him. If the small pants you could hear from him every now and then above you were anything to go by, he seemed to be enjoying it, too.

You wondered how much you should tell him, and you figured since he was a stranger, pouring your heart out wouldn’t really do too much bad to anyone.

“I did something bad, and it’s been hard to forget about it. I-I hurt someone I have really strong feelings for,” when you finished your sentence, he stopped for just a second before he kept going.

“Yeah? And that’s what made you want to go and hire a stripper to take your mind off of things?”

You nodded, your thoughts jumbled. “If I could take everything back I would, but it was one of those things – you ever think you’re not good enough for someone? I mean, hopefully you haven’t ever thought that you weren’t worth it because you sound amazing, but-“ you were cut off by the feeling of lips suddenly pressing against your neck, sucking lightly. You let out a small gasp, the feeling definitely more intense than it should’ve been.

You reached out involuntarily, and thankfully you found what you were looking for: his shoulders. He had broad shoulders and from what you could feel he seemed quite muscular. And god you wished you could see him.

“You’re more than enough, for anyone,” he said as he continued trailing down your neck toward your shoulder. His voice was quieter then, and almost sounded familiar…

You had Jungkook on your brain though, so that’s probably why you were imagining that.

“Do people pay you to say things they wanna hear alongside making them feel good,” you asked jokingly.

“Sometimes. But this one was on the house, babygirl,” you could feel him speaking the word against your neck as he continued placing kisses, almost like he was trying to brand your skin with it.

You couldn’t help it. You let out a small moan and heard him chuckle right by your ear.

“Ah, there it is. Seems like I’m finally doing my job right, huh,” that deep, deep voice was filling your head and all you could think about was -

- still Jungkook.

Now, this stripper in your apartment just doing his best was a great distraction, but lately almost all of your thoughts had been filled with Jungkook and how badly you had fucked up. You guessed the man above you could tell the shift in your mood, because he stopped everything he was doing.

“Hey, Y/N?”

“Hm,” you muttered back weakly.

“What’s on your mind?”

You laughed. “Why, you curious?”

“Sure. But also,” you gasped as he started rolling his hips again, this time with more force than before. Instead of just feeling him, you felt something press against you. And if it’s what you thought it was, that made you even more excited.

“I’m here to show you a good time. So if you’re thinking about anything that’s going to upset you, I’m going to change that right now.”

He was essentially grinding down right against your clit now, and since your dress was thin you could feel everything. You let out a whimper because you didn’t have a choice.

“Oh my god, Ju- just do whatever you want to.” You had started to say a name - his name - and thankfully saved yourself in time.

At least, that’s what you had hoped.

He stopped moving, and it was then that you knew you’d fucked up.

“Babygirl?”

You gulped. “Y-yes?’

He slowly ground down and you felt something very hard press against your core. It felt amazing and you tried to lift yourself up to feel it again. His fingers were wrapping around your throat once more, keeping you from moving.

“It sounded a lot like you were about to say a name then,” he continued, drumming his fingers along your neck, squeezing every so often. His tone was low, dark, and sounded dangerous.

You gulped again. “N-no that’s not-“

He cut you off by another squeeze around your throat, this time with more pressure than before. You gasped, and you swear you heard him let out a soft groan.

“You know,” he said as he placed a kiss around your collarbone, “you can’t see me. So, if you’re thinking about someone making you feel good, you can call me by their name. If it helps.”

His logic made sense but also how weird would you feel calling this stranger Jungkook’s name? Your thoughts were indeed simply all about Jungkook right now, but would it be really ok to do that?

As you contemplated, he grinded down again, making you moan.

“What do you think, babygirl?” You started rolling your own hips as best you could in the position you were in. “How about you let me hear that name fall from those pretty lips of yours, hm?”

“I- are you sure?” Your eyes were squeezed shut from the pleasure that was building up, despite not being able to see anything due to the blindfold.

“Yes, if it’ll make you feel good, call me whatever you want, whoever you want.”

You could feel his lips hovering over yours again, and one particular thrust had you reeling and losing control before you could realize it.

“Jungkook,” you said it barely above a whisper, your lips brushing against his as you did so. His fingers were still wrapped around your throat, and he squeezed them with the most pressure he’d done for the whole night. You moaned again.

“Fuck, I knew you’d sound so pretty.” He suddenly stopped moving and you couldn’t feel him anymore. You started moving your head side to side to try and find him.

It was then that you felt yourself being lifted up and turned around, before you felt yourself sitting down again. He placed your hands on what you guessed were his shoulders, and you realized then that you had to be straddling him.

Listen, you’d never hired a stripper before, so you weren’t sure how all this worked. You didn’t know if they got intimate, and if they did, how intimate they got. You also weren’t sure if it was just different for everyone.

But whatever was happening now, he seemed to definitely be enjoying it, and you knew you were. And not seeing him was suddenly a blessing, because now all you could think about as you were straddling this ridiculously-attractive-sounding man, was the boy with the bunny smile that stole your heart.

Even if you realized it too late.

He used his hands that were now around your waist to roll you forward. You had momentarily forgotten how dresses work, and since you were straddling him now, you were rolling against him with just your panties as a barrier from his figure under you.

“Fuck,” you let your head hang as the pleasure washed over you, and with the sensitivity you felt due to your senses being heightened, you would absolutely cum all over this stranger in your apartment if you weren’t careful.

He, however, seemed very hard underneath you, so you guessed he didn’t mind much.

“Can you feel me, babygirl,” he asked breathlessly, panting as you kept moving against him. His small noises were almost driving you insane, and all you could see behind your eyelids was how Jungkook looked when you were on your knees for him that night.

You were also really grateful Jungkook never called you babygirl because you’d still probably be in your bed with him even now, almost a week later.

You nodded, moving faster on your own accord letting out moans as quietly as possible. Soon he started to let out sounds that matched your own, and it spurred you on to continue.

He trailed his fingers along your neck, which made you shudder in his hold. You heard him let out a soft chuckle and before you could ask why, his hand wrapped around your throat again.

Except this time, instead of just squeezing to apply pressure, he pulled you closer to him by the hold he had on your neck. He was basically manhandling you while you were straddling his lap blindfolded and holy fuck were you enjoying it.

“Do I make you feel good,” he asked against your lips, giving them a small peck, as if to test the waters. You nodded again, panting as you could feel your release approaching quickly.

“Jungkook,” you let the name roll off your tongue again because fuck it, why not, at this point. He groaned and squeezed around your neck, making you gasp.

“Please,” you breathed out. You felt him drum his fingertips against the pulse point in your neck.

“Please what,” he all but growled out, that deep accent as strong as ever. His voice seemed a little more strained now as he was coming undone too, but he was holding it together a lot better than you were.

You placed your hand on top of his and squeezed. “More, please,” you said weakly, hoping he’d understand.

“Fuck,” was the response you got, before he applied more pressure. It was getting harder to breathe, but never to the point where you felt like you were in danger or it hurt. He was giving you just enough of what you wanted, and it was bringing you to the edge very fast.

“You look so sexy like this, Y/N, fuck-“ he broke off and he definitely sounded a lot like he was losing his composure now.

“Jungkook, fuck, I-“ you stuttered as you kept rolling your hips on top of him as he guided you with one hand on your waist, the other still around your throat, a feeling you were now fond of.

“Come on, let go for me,” he spurred you on, and you knew it wouldn’t be long now. Especially not when you could feel him panting again by your ear.

“Cum for me, babygirl,” he said as he gently bit down on your earlobe, a harsh contrast from many of his other actions tonight.

“Fuck, Jungko-“ you were cut off as his lips crashed against your own , thankfully, because he swallowed all the sounds you made as you were experiencing one hell of an orgasm. His hands were gripping your hips so tight you felt like he could break you if you let him.

And maybe you should.

He was still panting below you, letting out soft moans as you started slowing down. You didn’t want to be the only one to reach your high, though, so you kept going.

“F-fuck, Y/N, you don’t have to,” his voice was low and didn’t have as strong an accent now, but you couldn’t focus on that. All you could focus on right now was returning the favor for this stranger that just gave you one of the best orgasms you’d ever had.

“It’s your turn to cum for me now,” you said against his lips, since neither of you had moved from earlier. He groaned into the kiss and you felt yourself becoming overstimulated at this point, but if you kept getting to hear the sounds he was making, you’d deal with it as long as you needed do.

“Fuck, babygirl,” he moaned and you swear you almost came again right then. You couldn’t help it, you wanted to see him, needed to see him. You wanted to watch this man beneath you fall apart.

“Can I see you,” you asked timidly, still rolling your hips forward, trying to bring him to that same euphoric state you’d just reached yourself.

His response was…not what you expected. Instead of a simple yes or no, he started slowing your movements until you were completely still on his lap. Had you done something wrong?

“Y/N,” he called your name. That voice…no way, it couldn’t be…

“Jungkook?” Your voice cracked as you called out his name, this time not out of pleasure, but out of genuine confusion.

You felt him remove his hands from around your waist, going now to the back of the tie still blindfolding you. You felt him untie it and suddenly it fell from your face and into your lap. You blinked to readjust your eyes to the light, and then you looked at his face.

Your heart sank.

“Jungkook,” you asked again. You saw him gulp and nod, so many emotions hidden behind his big doe eyes that you were sure mirrored your own.

“Hey” he tried offering you a small smile. Under normal circumstances, you would have returned it. But this was not a normal circumstance; in fact, it was anything but.

His hands hand gone back down to your waist, but he wasn’t touching you again yet. Which, honestly, you were grateful for right now because you had no idea what the fuck was going on.

When you made no attempt to speak, his eyes widened. “I can explain-”

“That would be a good idea,” you responded, trying to keep your tone under control because you really, really did not want to fight with him again. You’d been beating yourself up over how you treated him the last time you saw him, and the idea of pushing him away even more hurt your chest.

He sighed, the sound almost coming out shaky. “I just- I wanted to fix things. I know what you said about what happened between us, and that it didn’t mean anything,” hearing your owns words coming from him hurt more than you thought it would.

He looked into your eyes now, taking your hands into his own, rubbing gentle circles onto the backs of them with his thumbs. “But I know that’s not true. We’ve been so close for so long now, I can tell when you’re fighting something, especially when you fight your own feelings.”

You could feel yourself tearing up at his words, and is if on cue, he reached up and brushed his thumb across your cheekbone, catching a tear that hadn’t quite fallen yet.

“I know you’re scared,” his voice was soft, soothing. “Y/N, I’m scared, too. Fuck, I’m so scared of doing something wrong, so terrified of hurting you.” He cupped your face in his hand, making you instinctively lean into his touch.

“Jungkook, I just don’t know…” you trailed off with a sigh. And you were telling the truth: you didn’t know. You didn’t know why you were feeling this way. You knew that you loved him, that you would do anything for him, and that you never wanted to hurt him.

So why was this so difficult?

His eyes held yours and suddenly he looked more determined. “You may not know right now, and that’s ok. But,” he added as he leaned his forehead against yours, “I know.”

You held your breath while you waited for him to continue.

“I know that I’ve loved you for a long time. And not just as your best friend, but I’ve loved you for the person you are. The way you laugh, the way you smile, every little thing about you is something that I adore.”

Every word that fell from his lips made the feeling in your chest more overpowering, to the point where you felt like you may burst. Jungkook was confessing to you. Something you’d only ever considered would happen in another lifetime, something you’d wanted to hear for so long.

But you convinced yourself a long time ago that it would never happen, and that’s why you’d pushed him away.

Jungkook sighed after a few moments of silence, pulling away from you and giving you a sad, small smile. “It’s ok if you don’t feel the same, I understand.”

He couldn’t be any further from the truth. You loved him with everything you had, and you wanted to show him. No more holding back, no more fighting feelings. The only thing that mattered right now was Jungkook and that you were here with him.

You knew you had to act fast, or else he may try to leave and you didn’t know what would happen after that. He was looking down so when you suddenly moved to hold his face in your hands, his eyes widened with surprise.

You kissed him with all the sincerity you could muster, hoping he could feel how much you loved him with the way your lips were moving against his. His arms wound around your waist as he pulled you closer, deepening the kiss and letting out a content sigh.

You pulled back for a moment to catch your breath. “I love you, too.” You felt him smile against your lips, but before he could kiss you again, you pulled back more.

“I love you even if you pretend to be a stripper and have me blindfolded to where I can’t tell it’s you.” His laughter made you smile, your chest feeling warm upon hearing that sweet sound.

“Jeon Jungkook, honesty what the fuck were you-” he cut you off by kissing you again, the kiss soft at first but quickly turning intense when he bit down on your bottom lip, swallowing a small moan from you.

“I promise I’ll explain later,” he started mouthing at your neck, your hands instinctively finding purchase in his hair. “For now, though, how about you let me do my job and take care of you, hm? Babygirl,” he added the last part as he thrusted upward to meet you again, the feeling still enough to overwhelm you since it hadn’t been that long.

“Fuck, I love it when you call me that,” your eyes closed as he stated to mark your neck, no longer holding back. He chuckled and you felt the vibration against your skin.

“I can tell,” he added, moving his hands up and down your sides as he continued rolling his hips forward. You wanted to wipe that cocky smirk off his face, so you met his thrusts with one of your own, pushing down hard enough to earn a groan from him.

“You know,” you added, “there’s probably somewhere much more comfortable where we can continue this.” He grinned at your suggestion.

“I like the sound of that. Lead the way.”

You moved to get off of his lap, but before you could do anything, he got up from the chair, picking you up at the same time and wrapping your legs around his waist. Your arms wound around his neck.

“I thought you said you wanted me to lead,” you quipped, raising your eyebrow. He gave you a quick peck on the lips.

“I just need you to tell me which bed I’m going to fuck you on, and I’ll handle the rest,” was his response, and his words had you becoming wet again at an embarrassingly fast rate.

“My bed, preferably.” He started walking to the staircase then, and you thought he may put you down, but as always, Jungkook managed to surprise you when you least expected it.

You knew he was strong. Jungkook liked to work out, he liked to stay fit. But him being able to carry you up an entire flight of stairs while mouthing at your neck, not bumping into anything along the way or missing a single stair? It had you feeling dizzy.

When the two of you reached your bedroom, Jungkook pushed you against the wall so that he could still hold you up and open the door with his free hand. The feeling of being caged between him and the wall was doing no favors for your arousal, and your panties were practically sticking to you now. You wanted them off, and soon.

You figured that it wouldn’t be much longer before you’d be getting your wish.

When the door was opened, Jungkook walked both of you through it before placing you on the bed, hovering over you as he captured your lips with his once again. You pulled him closer as his thigh parted your legs. He pressed against your core, making you gasp.

“I love you,” he said as he kissed down your neck, each kiss leaving you feeling like your skin was on fire. “Let me take care of you.”

You watched as he kept moving down until he was situated with his head between your legs, staring up at you as pulled up the skirt of your dress and played with the hem or your panties.

“Let me make you feel good,” he said in that same low tone from earlier, placing a soft kiss on the inside of your thigh. He looked at you now like he was asking for permission. You nodded, desperate for him to touch you again.

He started sliding your panties down your legs until they were around your ankles, removing them completely before tossing them over his shoulder. His eagerness made you giggle, causing him to look up at you with a smirk.

“What’s so funny, hm,” he asked, massaging your thighs but not yet providing you with any relief where you wanted it.

“Nothing, just you.” He hummed but let it be, inching closer now to your core, close enough you could feel the heat radiating off of him.

“You’re already so wet for me, babygirl.” There was that pet name again, the one that drove you insane, and you suddenly weren’t sure if you’d be making it out of this bedroom anytime soon.

“Jungkook, please,” you didn’t mean to let out a whine, but the sound that just came from you sure sounded a lot like one. Jungkook chuckled.

“As you wish,” he answered, giving your clit a quick lick that had you arching your back. He’d barely done anything yet and you were already overwhelmed.

Without a warning, he started tonguing at your entrance, moving it in and out slowly, his hands gripping your thighs to keep them apart as you were shaking.

“Fuck, Jungkook,” you called out and your hands buried themselves in his hair. You felt more-so than heard him moan.

“You taste so good,” he said before he continued, going faster now. You chanced looking down at him and the sight made you shudder.

He was staring up at you, his lips wrapped around your clit, dark hair falling somewhat into his eyes. He looked like pure sin and you wanted him to devour you. And, judging by how he seemed to be enjoying himself, it looked like that’s what he wanted to do as well.

You felt him gently prod a finger at your entrance as he started licking your clit faster. You were more than wet enough to accommodate his long fingers, but as always, he had to make sure you were ok before doing anything.

“Tell me if it hurts, ok,” he was looking up at you again, his eyes focused on your face. You smiled.

“Kook, you act like I’ve never had anything inside me before,” you joked with him. He smirked.

“Just making sure,” he said as he plunged two fingers inside of you, the motion making you breathless. His long fingers could easily reach spots you couldn’t and the pleasure had you gushing even more.

“Oh my god,” you moaned out when he curled his fingers, finding your g-spot almost immediately.

He continued licking and sucking at your clit again, now trying to match the rhythm he had going with his fingers. Your hips were starting to move so much that he had to hold them down with his unoccupied arm.

“Please don’t stop,” you begged, hands pulling on his hair again, making him groan. He went faster now, and you knew that if you didn’t stop him soon, you’d be cumming in no time.

“Jungkook, I’m gonna- if you keep doing that I’m-,” the pleasure was so intense that you were having trouble forming sentences, your warning not coming out.

He understood, though, and that just made him go faster.

“Cum for me, babygirl,” he said it breathlessly, making sure to speed up his actions enough to push you over that edge.

You shuddered violently as you came for the second time that night, a string of moans and Jugnkook’s name leaving your lips as you rode out your high with his fingers still inside of you.

Once you started to calm down, he carefully pulled his fingers out and you watched as he sucked the fingers into his mouth before he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, coming back up to kiss you again. You could feel how hard he was as he was pressed against your thigh.

“It’s my turn to take care of you now,” you told him in a soft tone right by his ear, cupping him and being rewarded with a moan as you did.

He leaned up to take off his shirt, your hands going to work removing his jeans. When he had shed all of his clothing, he pulled your dress off as well, taking care to not hurt you in the process, despite his eagerness to see you naked before him once more.

He was sitting on his haunches now in front of you, pushing his hair out of his face as he looked down at you. You couldn’t help but moan as you looked at him.

He wasn’t just looking at you with lust, however; he was looking at you with so much love that you felt a warmth spread throughout your whole body.

“Come here,” you opened your arms, “please. Need to feel you,” you added and he smiled. He moved closer then, stroking himself, his cock leaking precum as he rubbed the head against your still soaked folds.

You both knew that you were on the pill and that you both were always safe with any previous sexual partners you’d had, so you had no qualms with him being inside of you unprotected and neither did he.

You always told yourself that this type of sex was something you wanted to experience the first time with someone you truly loved, and it looked like now was the time.

He pulled you further down the bed so he could line himself up with your entrance, just barely pushing in. He looked at you and it seemed like he was holding back.

“Y/N,” he breathed out, “I need you to tell me if it hurts, ok? I’m gonna go in slow-“

“Jungkook, it’s fine,” you encouraged him. You knew he was big – you remembered from when you’d taken him in your mouth that night – so you were aware of what you were in for. “I promise I’ll let you know.”

You ran your hand lovingly over his tattoos that extended from his shoulder all the way down his arm and over his hand as he readjusted his grip on your thigh. You gave him a nod and it seemed to be the last bit of encouragement he needed.

He pushed in and all but knocked the breath out of you. You weren’t sure when the last time you’d had something, or someone, so big inside of you – and you realized the answer may have actually been never.

He was stretching you out in a way that faintly hurt due to overstimulation from you having cum recently, but the look on his face and the sounds he was making made you forget all about that. His lips were parted, eyes half-lidded as he looked down at you. He licked his lips as he pushed in further, letting out a strained moan.

“You’re so tight, fuck,” he groaned as he finally bottomed out. His eyes were closed now and he didn’t make any attempt to move, probably so you could adjust to his size, but you wanted to tease him a little. You clenched around him and felt him twitch inside you.

“Fuck, Y/N,” he hung his head, hair falling into his eyes again. “Shit, don’t do that or I’m really gonna have a hard time holding back.”

“Then don’t,” you told him, clenching around him again. His grip on your thighs tightened.

He opened his eyes again and was looking at you know, his stare intense. You knew you were in for it now.

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he growled, suddenly pulling out and slamming back into you with a force that had you shifting up the bed. Each thrust left you gasping, unable to form any sounds as the pleasure washed over you at a degree you’d never felt before.

“You feel so good around me,” Jungkook moaned out, his pace increasing as he kept pounding into you. He pushed your knees up to your chest so he could get closer to you, the new angle leaving you a moaning, panting mess beneath him.

He was close enough to you now that you could wrap your arms around him, your nails digging into his shoulder blades every few thrusts as the pleasure intensified. He was panting by your ear now, saying your name so sweetly, making you clench around him each time.

You could feel the familiar heat building up in your stomach again, albeit not as strong as before since you’d already cum a few times tonight, but it was still strong enough. It seemed like Jungkook was getting close now, too, and you wanted to help him over that edge.

As he felt your walls tightening around him, he leaned his head back, cursing before coming down to kiss you harshly. He was moaning into your mouth now, and you were swallowing almost every beautiful sound he made.

“I won’t last much longer,” he panted out, his kisses and thrusts becoming more sloppy.

“Me too, baby, me too,” you pulled him impossibly closer, wanting to feel him as much as you could. You saw as his brows furrowed together and listened as his moans started becoming louder and more frequent.

You had a thought then, and you figured now would be the best time to act on it. You took one of his hands and placed it around your neck. Jungkook looked down at you and you felt him twitch inside you.

“Y/N,” he moaned out, squeezing slightly, the pressure making your high start to approach much faster than before.

“You’re always so good for me,” he continued, praising you as he leaned down to kiss you and squeezed again. He was so careful, always applying the same amount of pressure, never too much. You could breathe easily, but just the feeling of his hand there was enough to push you over the edge for the third time.

“Jungkook,” you cried out, your orgasm less violent than before, but the feeling was different now, somewhat still heightened since he was inside of you. Your walls clenched around him hard, making him let out a long, loud moan. He moved his hands now to grip the bed sheets so he had some way to ground himself as he was coming undone.

“Y/N, fuck, I’m gonna cum, I love you so much, I-,” you cut him off as you pulled him into a kiss, one that you filled with as much love and passion as you could. He kept moaning as he continued his now uncoordinated thrusts, once, twice, three more times before he twitched inside of you and you felt him fill you up, cumming inside you with a loud groan.

He was breathing heavily, his forehead pressed against your shoulder, eyes closed as he came down from his high. You were rubbing his back and placing kisses on his temple, feeling as he softened inside of you but made no attempt to pull out just yet.

“Well,” you started to say, “that was nice.” You felt him chuckle against your shoulder.

“Just nice, huh,” he asked as he was still laying on top of you, leaning up on his elbows now so he wouldn’t crush you under his weight.

“Hmmm,” you pretended to ponder about it. Jungkook feigned hurt and the look on his face made you laugh.

“You made me cum 3 times in the span of like an hour. I’d say that’s pretty good.”

It was his turn to laugh. “Trust me, babygirl, I can do way better than that.”

The suggestion had you slightly throbbing again upon hearing it, but you knew you were done for right now. Perhaps in the future you could go for longer rounds without needing a break, but right now you just wanted to stay like this with Jungkook.

“I’m sure you can,” you agreed as you captured his lips in a gentle kiss. You felt him sigh against you, sounding completely content.

He grunted as he pulled away. “As much as I’d hate to move right now, we should probably get cleaned up. How does a nice, warm shower sound?” You nodded and he pulled out carefully, leaving you feeling slightly empty now that he was no longer inside of you.

He got off the bed first, legs somewhat wobbly from what you could tell, but he was probably in much better shape than you were. You actually dreaded getting up because you weren’t sure how well you’d be able to walk-

You didn’t have to think about it very long, though, before Jungkook was scooping you up and carrying you bridal style towards your bathroom. The gesture wasn’t grand or anything, but it made you fall even more for him.

You were so, so in love with him. And there was no use in denying it anymore.

During your shower, you both took turns cleaning each other off, sharing passionate kisses whenever you’d be facing each other. You ended up just staying under the water wrapped in each other’s arms for most of the shower, but you both eventually decided to get out when the water started to get cold.

Jungkook helped you dry your hair with a towel, his lips slightly parted as he focused on drying it carefully. As you looked up at him and saw his face full of concentration, you felt that familiar warm feeling blossom throughout your chest. It was a feeling you’d felt for quite some time now, whenever you’d catch him doing something endearing.

Once you both were clean and dried off, you settled back into the bed, you opting for one of his t-shirts and him in a pair of sweatpants. It was later in the evening than you thought it was, and you suddenly realized how tired you’d become.

Jungkook was lying on his back and you placed your head on his chest, his arm wrapping around you to pull you close. He placed a gentle kiss on your forehead, looking down at you as you sighed comfortably.

“Hey,” he said softly. You peered up at him sleepily, making him smile. “We don’t have to get into it now, but-“

He trailed off, seeming somewhat troubled. You figured it was probably because of what happened the last time you two slept together.

Except then, all these mutual feelings weren’t out in the open like they were now. You leaned up to kiss him, hoping to assuage his worries as much as possible for the time being.

“I love you,” you told him, not missing how his arm that was wrapped around you pulled you even closer. “And I know you love me. I think that’s all we need to know right now.”

Your answer seemed to help somewhat, but it looked like it wasn’t quite what he was looking for since his brows were still slightly furrowed.

“I know that, I guess I’m just worried about what happens now,” he said quietly as he rested his cheek on top of your head.

“Well,” you pulled back so you could look him in the eyes. “I figured maybe we’d date or something.”

Your answer took him off guard and the look on his face was too laughable you couldn’t help but giggle. A second later he broke out into a huge grin.

“Wait, are you serious,” he asked, his tone excited. You nodded and he pulled you into a kiss, hugging you tightly.

“God, I’ve waited so long for this,” he added, pulling away to leave a peck on your nose. “You have no idea how happy I am to hear that.”

“Honestly, me too,” you added, giggling again when he brushed his nose against yours.

Before you got comfortable laying on his chest again, there was still something your were curious about. You folded your hands together and laid them on his chest, resting your chin on top of them as you searched his face. He was still beaming and the sight had your stomach feeling fluttery.

“So, this whole stripper plan. Explain.”

He looked taken aback and averted his eyes, only to have you turn his face toward you again.

He sighed. “I asked your roommate if she had any idea how I could fix things. It was mainly her idea, but the blindfold thing was something I suggested because I knew it’d probably be best if you couldn’t see me- which now in hindsight sounds stupid,” he finished with a groan.

You laughed. “You’re both idiots, but I love you anyway.”

“Hey!” Jungkook tickled your sides, making you squirm in his hold. “We should at least get points for creativity.”

“Fine, I guess I can give you that,” you finally relented as you laid your head on his chest again. You could hear his heartbeat, slow and rhythmic, also soothing. “Where’d you learn to dance like that, though? You certainly felt like you knew what you were doing, even if I couldn’t see you.”

Jungkook’s laugh was like music to your ears as he rubbed your back. “You know those dance classes I took as electives in college? I learned a lot more than you think.”

“Ooh, interesting. Perhaps you can show me some time,” you peered up at him again, your eyes half-closed from being sleepy, “and not under the guise that you’re a stripper.”

“You got a deal, babygirl,” he said softly, giving you one last kiss before you placed your head on his chest again. You fell asleep listening to his heartbeat, the sound lulling you into the most peaceful sleep you’d had in weeks. His arms were wrapped around you protectively, making you feel safe. You knew the road ahead might not be easy, but you had your best friend – the man you loved more than anything else in the world – by your side. You knew that in the end, that would make it all worth it.

#bts #bts smut #jungkook smut #jungkook au #jungkook x reader #jungkook scenarios

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unwrittenlibrary · 4 years

Text

Fine Line

Summary: There’s a fine line between love and hate and you’re not too sure which side you’re on with Harry anymore. Part Two to What Kind of Man

Words: 5.0k

Warnings: I said this in the first part & will repeat it. This is purely fictional. This in no way reflects how I feel Harry would handle this situation in reality. I’m really using Harry as a character. DO NOT READ THIS if you feel the situation of cheating and staying together will impact you strongly or offend you. That is not what I want when reading my story.

Notes: I urge those uncomfortable with cheating to avoid this. I also urge those who dislike this kind of writing to avoid. I came up with this story at a point in my life where my parents were divorcing, I was going through a break up and was lost. I’ve decided to finish this story because I put so much effort into it for it to end unfinished feels wrong. I can’t speak for anybody and how they would handle this situation.

Thank you for 1000 followers. That is crazy!

You’ve got my devotion.

But man, I can hate you sometimes.

...

You sunshine, you temptress.

My hands at risk I fold.

April.

The first two sessions had gone by in relative silence. You weren’t sure what to say to answer the therapists questions. You weren’t sure you even wanted to talk at all.

“Y/N.” You look up startled out of your thoughts. “Do you feel like talking today?” Her eyes are kind and understanding. Her degrees hang behind her head and you zone in on them. Dr. Walsh had been the only therapist who could take you on in April. Any others that you called had informed you their next opening for new patients wasn’t until the end of May.

You supposed it could have been worse. So far, Dr. Walsh had come across as kind and understanding of your hesitance. She had never forced you to talk and had only tried to get you involved on your own accord.

“What would we talk about?” You ask instead of ignoring in silence like you had the past two sessions. You can see Harry turn his head to look at you out of the corner of your eye, but you remained focused on the two degrees hanging behind Dr. Walsh’s head.

UCLA. “What year did you graduate?” You ask before she can answer your original question. “From UCLA.”

“We can talk about whatever you want. How you two met. Your kids.” You raise an eyebrow and she smiles. “1996.”

“I thought we were supposed to talk about our issues. Why would we talk about our kids or how we met?” You answer her question. You can tell Harry’s eyes are moving back and forth between the two of you, like he’s unsure if he should get involved in the conversation.

Dr. Walsh shakes her head. “Sometimes the best place to start is with what makes you two happy. You’re here to work on your relationship, right?”

The two of you nod. “Then I’m not worried about starting with the most painful part of your relationship. I want to learn about it. If I can learn about your relationship then I have more knowledge on how to help you repair it, if that’s what you want.”

“Okay.” You agree. You feel some of your tenseness fade away. You were here for a reason. “We went to UCLA too.”

She nods. “You did? Were you studying the same thing? Is that how you two met?”

You look down at your fidgeting hands and let out a laugh. “Not quite. I was a creative writing major and Harry was political science. We met in a World History course our sophomore. It was a general requirement class.”

“Yeah.” Harry nods as if the memory is coming back to him. “Professor Ward.”

“Mind if I sit here?” You look up and your breath hitches. He was handsome. That was your first thought. Bright eyes and a sweet smile that could take anyone’s breath away.

You nod hastily. “Yeah. It’s all yours.” You move your notebook over so he has a bit more room on his half of the table.

“Thanks.” He drops his books on the table and flops down into the chair. “Harry.” He reaches a hand towards you and you meet him halfway.

You offer your name up easily and his smile brightens. “What brings you into a World history course?” He asks quietly as the last bit of students rush into the few seats left up front.

You smile. “Creative writing majors have to take one broad history course before focusing on any history of writing courses. Ward’s class was the only one with openings that didn’t start at eight.”

“Creative writing. That’s cool.” Harry’s spinning the pen in between his fingers. “You want to be a writer?”

You smile nervously and nod. “That’s the goal. What brings you to Ward’s World History?”

Harry laughs softly. “I’m a political science major, this is just a required gen ed.”

“Political science. What’s your plan with that? Am I sitting next to a future senator?” You give him a teasing smile.

“Lawyer.”

You shrug, “Senators have to start somewhere.” The professor comes in and that halts the conversation from going anywhere else. As Professor Ward goes over the syllabus you see a piece of paper slide across the table towards you. You look over at Harry, but he’s looking ahead with a smirk on his face.

You unfold the paper and there is a number written in messy handwriting taking up the small page.

“Bold.” You whisper to him and he shrugs. “I can tell we’re gonna be good friends.” He whispers back.

“So you both liked each other right away?” You look up as you're dragged out of the memory of meeting Harry.

“Yeah.” You breathe out. “I think so.”

“Definitely.” Harry agrees. “I’m lucky I was running late that day. The seat next to her was the only good seat left. Plus, she helped edit all my essays. I was a shit writer before her.”

You smile softly at the memory. “Y/N?” You look up and Dr. Walsh is watching you closely.

“That class sucked.” You can’t help but let out a laugh. “We had so many essays. He’s right, he was a shit writer before me.”

You finally spare a look over at Harry and he’s watching you with soft eyes. “That was our first semester of sophomore year. We were attached at the hip after that.” You look back down at your hands.

“Did you guys start dating right away?” She asks.

“Pretty much. We started dating right before winter break.” Harry answers for the both of you.

She nods as she eyes the clock on the wall. “Does that memory still make you happy?”

You nod. Your memories hadn’t been ruined. But that didn’t really mean anything when you could barely be in the same room as Harry now. “Of course. But… Things are different. We’re not twenty-somethings with no responsibility. We’re parents. Partners. We’re supposed to have each other’s back. And now it feels like we don’t.”

Harry looks over at Dr. Walsh as she studies you. She was obviously taking in your words and processing a response to them. “I think the biggest question you need to find the answer to is, do you want to fix this marriage?” She finally says looking pointedly at the distance between you two.

You pause and mull over her question. “Can we fix it?” You ask quietly.

She shrugs. “I can’t answer that for you. It’s my job to help you find the answer, not give it to you. What I can tell you is; Sometimes people walk out of this with a new appreciation and love. Sometimes people realize it can’t be fixed. Nothing is wrong with either, it’s just up to you two to figure out which one it is.”

You look over at Harry and find him watching you with hopeful eyes. You knew he wanted to and felt like you both could fix this.

But you weren’t sure. “I don’t know.”

The drive home is silent for the most part. Music playing softly from the radio as you stare out the passenger side window.

“I don’t know what to say.” Harry says as he pulls the car into the driveway. He puts it into park but doesn’t turn it off so the music is still playing as he turns to look at you.

Gemma’s car was parked behind your own. You see the curtain move slightly which is a telltale sign that a child was peeking out the window. It quickly falls back into place when your eye catches Serena’s.

You shake your head and look back down at your lap. “What is there to say?”

Harry shuts his eyes and you see his grip on the steering wheel tighten. “I want to fix this. I’m trying. Do you want to fix this?”

You let out a humorless laugh. “Don’t try and guilt me, Harry. I didn’t cheat, you did. This… This mess isn’t my fault and it shouldn’t be my job to fix it.”

“I’m not trying to guilt-“ He cuts himself off and takes a deep breath. “That was a shitty thing to say. I know. I just want to know if we’re gonna make it through this. If you think we have a chance.”

You look over at him with watery eyes. “I don’t know. All I can think about is you fucking another woman while I was home with our kids. Telling them that you were just busy. That we would have dinner tomorrow. Or maybe the next day.”

Harry flinches like you’ve hit him. You turn away but don’t stop talking. “I know a month may not seem like a long time in the grand scheme of things. We’ve been together for seventeen years, so what’s a month?” You laugh humorlessly. “But how long have we been distant? How long have you been staying late and missing dinners?”

“I don’t know.” Harry whispers and you see him clench his eyes in an attempt to stop tears from falling.

“It’s been months, Harry.” You look around the yard. Your and Persephone’s plants needed maintenance. “We had Jack and then everything changed. We stopped date nights. Family game nights faded from existence. We stopped having sex. I… I don’t know what happened.”

Harry doesn’t say anything so you sigh. “I’m trying, Harry. It may not seem like it to you, but I’m trying.” You unbuckle yourself and move to get out of the car.

Harry reaches out and wraps his hand gently around your wrist. “I know.” He stresses the word. “I know you are.”

You nod and the two of you just watch each other for a moment. You break away from him first. “I’m sure the kids are peeking out the window. We’ve been out here long enough.”

The both of you climb out of the car silently. The door flies open by the time you reach the second step of your front porch.

“Mama!” Oliver comes flying out towards you. “Mama. Never leave us again. Baby Jack is crazy.” He grips you tight and you laugh, the tension immediately leaving your body as you hug him back.

Gemma comes to stand in the entrance with Jack on her hip. She gives you a weak smile and you smile back. “Come on, I’m sure Aunt Gem is dying to go home after watching you crazy lot for two hours.”

Gemma leaves quickly handing Jack off to Harry and giving you and Harry both kisses on the cheek. “Let me know about spring break, Y/N!” She calls as she rushes out your front door.

“Spring break?” Harry asks as he bounces Jack in his arms.

“We’ll talk about it later.” You say sparing a glance down to Oliver, who’s still attached to your leg. Harry nods before moving towards the living room. Oliver follows behind him and you’re left in the front hall alone.

You take a deep breath before following them.

Harry sleeps in the guest room. You can’t bring yourself to allow him back into the room you two shared.

His clothes remain in his half of the closet though and his toiletries had remained in place on the bathroom counter, so you saw him every night before going to sleep.

Dr. Walsh had suggested the two of you used this time to try and reconnect. “You don’t have to sleep in the same bed yet. It’s completely normal for you to need time apart, Y/N. But I do want you two to talk before bed every night, I know you have four kids and it may be your only true alone time to reconnect emotionally before you ever do anything physically, even just sleep.” She had offered at the end of your session after you had admitted you weren’t sure how you felt about Harry and your relationship now. “This is a good way to figure out if you can still see yourself together.”

You loved him. You didn’t need her to help you answer that question. He was the father of your children. You had over a decade of amazing times together. But you couldn’t look at him without your chest aching.

“What was Gemma talking about spring break?” Harry sits on the lounge chair you two had placed in the corner of your room. Jack’s bassinet used to be next to it, but he had recently moved into his own room.

You sit on the end of your bed with your arms crossed over your chest. “Olly has been asking if we could go to Disney World. I was talking to her about maybe surprising him and Serena for their birthday since it falls during the kids break this year.”

“That sounds really nice.” Harry smiles and you nod. “I’m sure the four of them would love it. I can put in for the week tomorrow. I have a bunch of paid time off I need to use up.”

You look up at him with wide eyes. “You want to go? We haven’t been on vacation since the beach trip before Jack was born.”

Harry’s face turns stoic. “Of course I want to go. I told you I was going to spend more time with guys.” He walks towards the dresser you have pushed against the wall. “Here, pull your laptop out, let's book this now so we can get a good room.”

You gape at him. It had only been an idea you were considering for the twins birthday. Although, it was coming up and you were running out of time to make a decision.

“Are you sure you can get the time off?” You ask instead of listening to his direction.

Harry nods resolutely. “Can I?” He points next to you and you nod. You lean over to your nightstand, where you had left the computer the night before while writing.

You push it open. “I’m gonna go get Persephone.” You stand up and hand the laptop to Harry. “She can help plan some stuff with us, so we know what these young kids want.” You give Harry a weak smile and he nods.

You shake your hands out as you make your way down the hall towards your eldest daughter’s room. You knock softly on the door, “Seph?”

“Come in.” She calls and you push the door open. She’s got her show paused and is curled into her comforter. “What’s up, mom?”

“Can you help your dad and I with something?” You ask hesitantly. “I know it’s late, it’ll be quick.”

Persephone gives you the same dimpled smile Harry has, “Of course. I was gonna be up binge watching this show anyways.” She unwraps herself from the blanket and grabs her phone before following you back to your bedroom.

“Hey, lovebug.” Harry gives her your favorite smile. One he’s somehow reserved solely for you children. Soft and bright while his eyes shine proudly.

“Hi, daddy.” She plops herself down next to him and rests her head on his shoulder. He presses a kiss to her forehead and the smile that spreads across Persephone’s face is contagious.

You take a seat next to her, so she is squished in between the two of you. “You know how Olly has been asking about Disney?” You ask quietly. You and Harry had put the twins down an hour ago, but Oliver was known to sneak away from his room for a cuddle with you.

She nods instead of verbally answering and Harry pulls up the booking website. “Your mom had the great idea to surprise the twins for their birthday.”

“Really?” Seph asks excitedly. Your family trips usually consisted of beaches or visiting grandparents. The last time you had been to Disney was when it was just the three of you. You weren’t sure she could even remember most of the trip.

You bump her shoulder softly with an excited grin. “Really. Jack is old enough that he can get probably through a day there without screaming his head off. Aunt Gem said that she could come to help watch him so you three can have fun.”

“That sounds awesome!” She lifts her head from Harry’s shoulder and looks at you happily. “What did you need my help with?”

“Picking out where to stay. You guys are the focus of the trip so we want you to stay where you want to, not us.” You gently take the laptop from Harry and place it in her hands. “So tell us your top three and then dad and I will pick from there so you still get to enjoy some of the surprise aspect.”

She scrolls through the website for a few minutes while the three of you sit there quietly. You glance over at Harry hesitantly. He’s looking down at your daughter with bright eyes.

You quickly look away when his eyes move up to meet yours. “Okay. I added the three I liked the most to your favorites! Did you guys need anything else?”

You both shake your head. “Just keep this a secret. It’s going to be a surprise.” You smile excitedly at your eldest. She had grown so much, but seeing the childlike shine of excitement in her eyes brought you a bounty of joy. She was still your baby.

Persephone nods before handing the laptop back over to Harry. She presses a kiss to both your and his cheeks before hopping up and making her way towards your door.

You give her a confused smile when she pauses and turns back around to face you again. She takes in a nervous breath before speaking.

“It’s really good to be all together again.” The words are quiet and fearful. “Um. I love you guys. Goodnight.” She turns on her heel and bolts out the room and back down the hall.

You gnaw on the inside of your cheek and look down at your lap. “I’m sorry.” Harry whispers. His tone is similar to her’s. Quiet and full of fear. “I love you all. I know I hurt you, but you are all my world. Those kids are what I’m most proudest of.”

“I know.” You look over at his lap. His hands curled tightly around the laptop still open in his lap. “I never doubted how much they meant to you Harry. I know how much you love those kids.”

You want to reach out and pull his hand into yours. Something you usually did when Harry was scared or nervous. But you kept your hand firmly planted in your lap, unable to give him that forgiveness.

“I was never afraid of you not loving them. I was-“ You stop unsure of what to say. What were you afraid of? “I was afraid that I had given so much and you still wouldn’t have chosen me.”

Harry looks over at you with sad eyes and you let out a humorless laugh. “Harry, I’ve never regretted having Persephone so young. I’ve never regretted being home. But, I just want you to show that… that you appreciate me.”

“I do appreciate you.” Harry says quietly. “I’m so sorry I’ve made you feel like I don’t.” He places the laptop in the empty space in between you. You watch as he works through what to say, his tension clear in his eyes.

“But…” He trails off like he’s still unsure of what to say. “I’m here. I want to be here. I want to show you that I appreciate you.” Harry takes a deep breath and places a hesitant hand on your back. “As long as you’ll have me.”

You take a deep breath. “Let’s focus on this... I want the twins to have a great birthday and for Seph to have a great spring break. Things have been tough for them too. We can figure the other stuff out later.”

Harry doesn’t say anything, just nods and pulls the laptop back towards him. You can tell he wants to though. That he wants to talk this out and get in deep.

You just can’t bring yourself to do it.

“A family vacation can be very cathartic for couples struggling.” Dr. Walsh gives the two of you a kind smile after you reveal what you had planned for your kids. “But, it can also bring about stress at being in such a small space for such a long time. Especially when you’re still struggling to communicate.”

“I’m really trying.” You say quietly, on edge at the idea of you and Harry bringing about any stress on a trip meant to be for your kids. “We both are. I think.”

“I know.” She gives you an understanding look. “You guys do your homework. You said it yourself, your nightly conversations aren’t painful anymore. But talking about small things is only the beginning of strengthening your communication.”

“So you want us to talk about the affair?” You ask. “The big thing.”

She shakes her head. “Eventually. Sweeping it under the rug or ignoring it can only cause more tension. But there are other things I’m sure you want to talk about as well.”

“Like what?” Harry asks. He glances over at you before looking back at Dr. Walsh.

“Anything either of you felt was an issue.” She explains. “Big or small. Anything you think contributed to your distance. Try to remember, you’re not placing blame.”

“Not even for the affair?” Harry sighs and you shut your eyes. “How can I not place blame? That’s not my fault.”

“No.” She agrees. “I’ve never agreed with placing blame for something like that on the victim. Do you want to start with talking about it?”

“No.” You shake your head. “I just wanted to make sure we’re not finding all these so-called small issues so we can then excuse the cheating. I won’t do that.” You say disdainfully.

“We don’t expect you to.” She glances over at Harry. He looks pained but he nods in agreement. “Of course not.” He says quietly.

You take a deep breath in before nodding. “Okay, then where do we start?”

“A lot of times, affairs feel like they come out of nowhere. They do.” She gives you an assuaging look. “But it’s also important to remember that there were issues before it and they’re still there to be worked through. We want to work through the big problem, but oftentimes couples work through that but not other things and end up separating.”

You nod and take a deep breath trying to think through issues. Things had felt perfect during your pregnancy with Jack.

You were excited, a fourth child and it was a boy, you and Harry had been hoping for another boy. Harry had even planned the small family vacation to the beach so you could enjoy time together as a family of five before it became six.

“We argued.” You say quietly. The family vacation slips from your mind as your exhausted tears come to your memory. “Um. I had Jack and I was exhausted and we argued. It was barely even an argument.”

“He still won’t eat?” Harry asks, coming into the bedroom. He was still in his suit from court and you feel angry heat flush through you at how put together he looked. How well rested and up he looked.

You shake your head silently. Harry seems to not notice your tense jaw as he pushes his way into the closet to find clothes for the night. You turn to look down at Jack laying restlessly in your arms. Tears rush to your eyes as you stand and place Jack in his bassinet and finally get a look at yourself in the mirror hanging next to the closet door.

You hadn’t showered since Persephone had left earlier the previous day and after running around to get the twins settled with Gemma and taking care of the baby all day you felt tense and gross.

Harry comes out and smiles kindly as he watches you step towards the ensuite. “Can you watch him for a moment? I need a shower. I feel gross and it’ll help me relax. My nurse said getting tense makes it harder to breastfeed.”

Harry looks down at his watch. “Something more important?” You ask before he can get a word out. “No. Just- I was supposed to hop on a conference call with Jeff, I’ll reschedule.” Harry tries to change the tone of the conversation, but you’ve already seen red. “Y/N, go shower.”

“I’m sorry.” You say instead of moving. “I didn’t mean to inconvenience you with your child for half an hour.” You know you don’t mean the harsh words and that you’ll probably regret them all after you’ve taken a break but- “I’m home all day with him, but fuck if I ask you to watch him so I can shower.”

Harry’s eyes widen at the cold tone. He crosses his arms defensively across his chest as he takes a step back from you, even though he was already several feet away. “I never said I was inconvenienced. You asked a question and I answered honestly. I don’t have a problem spending time with my own child, Y/N.”

Your turn on your heel and stock into the ensuite and slam the door shut behind you. You hear Jack begin to fuss more and Harry’s whispers as he presumably picks the baby up. There wasn’t a time in the fifteen years you’ve had children that you’ve ever thought Harry didn’t want to spend time with his kids. You still didn’t. But the exhaustion and stress that you felt with Jack was unlike anything you’d felt before and Harry hadn’t seemed to notice.

“It felt like you weren’t paying attention.” You say quietly. “It felt like you had no idea what was going on.” Dr. Walsh trains her eyes on you as Harry’s eyes flick around trying to figure out what argument you were talking about.

“I’m sorry.” You say quietly. Jack is curled in your arms as he eats and a weight has been lifted off your shoulder. You feel shameful at the words that had slipped out in an attempt to make Harry notice how upset you were. “I know you’re not inconvenienced by our kids.”

Harry turns his head to look at you. He had been silently typing out emails as you fed Jack, upset but refusing to leave your side. “What’s wrong?” He asks as he slams the laptop shut.

You want to tell him. How stressed and anxious you felt. How much tougher being with Jack was than any of your other children. How insecure it made you feel. You should tell him.

But.

“How could I tell you all that and not sound like I’m angry at our child? Not sound like an awful mother?” You choke on the words.

Harry stares at you with what looks like pity and you turn away. You didn’t want pity. You wanted help. You wanted him to understand. “You don’t sound like a horrible mother. You sound tired.”

“What stopped you from telling him this?” Dr. Walsh prompts gently as you and Harry fall into silence. Her eyes flicker to Harry as he watches you with the same sad eyes.

You shrug. “I just wanted him to notice. I wanted to feel like he still noticed me.” You let out a breath. “We love Jack, but Jack wasn’t exactly planned. We weren’t sure if we wanted a fourth and had only just begun talking about it. When I found out I was pregnant and figured out how excited I felt, I knew I wanted to keep him.” You explain to the therapist carefully. “We decided that we wanted him, but he would be our last one.”

You think of the doctors appointments and heavy warnings that a fourth pregnancy could wreck havoc on your body.

“But I’m not twenty-three anymore and the pregnancy was really tough on me. And Harry knew. So he took care of the kids when I couldn’t and he planned vacations for me before I gave birth and it-” You breath catches. “It felt like you didn’t care anymore once I had him because I wasn’t in danger anymore. But Jack is stubborn and I was struggling.”

Harry takes in a shaky breath and reaches out to steady your trembling hands.

It’s a start. You guess.

“I didn’t realize how tough Jack was on you.” Harry says quietly that night. You had been dreading sitting in the awkward silence.

You shrug. “Babies are tough. Persephone was tough because we were so young. Serena and Oliver were tough because they were twins.” Your baby monitor makes a sound and you glance over to see Jack stretching his arms.

You sigh and stand up. “Jack was… Jack was tough in a way I wasn’t expecting. Maybe it was because I had four kids all of the sudden or because you started working more. I was exhausted all the time.”

You leave before he can say anything in response, but you know he’ll follow you to Jack’s room. You push the door open quietly and hear Jack’s soft giggles.

“Hello, handsome.” You whisper as he looks up at you. “What’s got you awake?”

You pick him up gently and bring him over to the rocking chair placed in the corner of the room. Harry leans against the door jam.

You rock back and forth with Jack in your arms and Harry watched with gentle eyes. You look up as Harry begins to speak quietly. “I wish I could take everything back. Just… Redo this past year.”

You look down at Jack and run a gentle finger over his cheek. “You can’t. You don’t get redos in real life.”

The room is silent as you rock your baby back to sleep and Harry watches.

We’ll be a fine line.

Notes: Title song Fine Line. This is really a filler for the next piece, I needed April to get to May :/

A few things; I have them staying together written. While this has been my plan since I begun writing this part & the next, if it’s something people wanted, I could do two different endings.

Like I said, I wrote this at a low place for me and had always imagined it as some type of closure that I never got from my parents situation or from my ex. Cheaters suck. But, some people do work through it. Some people can’t. That’s the beauty of our autonomy, we decide. I got a lot (and I mean a lot) of messages urging me to be mindful of impressionable people who may read this piece & with that I want to say; Your situation is not this one. Some cheaters will always be cheaters. This is not in anyway trying to convince you that a toxic relationship is okay. Or that cheating is okay. Please remember this is fiction and not meant to do anything other than entertain you! This is a piece I wrote & a piece whose ending I choose. Thank you for reading. I love every single person who read What Kind of Man and thought, I want more of this person’s writing.

(please do not be mean to me, I write for fun & am very emotional thank u)

#harry styles x reader #harry styles imagine #harry styles #harry styles writing #my writing #tee answers

425 notes · View notes

lailannajacobs · 3 years

Text

Heart of the Night

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Summary: Bucky finds you after a mission that didn’t quite go as planned.

Word Count: 2.8k

Warnings: lil bit angsty

A/N: This is my submission for @wkemeup 9k challenge, it’s not quite as edited as I would have liked but the end of the school year is always super busy so here it is! Congrats Kas, you are such an incredible writer, your talent absolutely blows my mind, it’s just unbelievable and I hope one day to have a tenth of your skill! You deserve everything great and more! <3

The needle trembled, metal glinting off the fluorescent light in your bathroom as it hovered just above the skin of your abdomen. The air reeked of copper. The pristine sink was marred with the dark red streaks of failure. You tried to swallow, but it felt like you were choking on your own throat.

The needle approached the bloody canyon made by a knife you’d been too careless to avoid, and hovered there, trying to find its mark. The world swayed. You’d lost too much blood already. The needle clattered into the sink, black thread trialing behind it like a broken tether. You were somehow conscious — delirious? — enough to think you were lucky it hadn’t gone down the drain because you didn’t have time to call a plumber. Wait no. You’d just have to get a new one from the cabinet. You tried to reach for the needle. Your body didn’t react. Instead, it swayed dangerously, only your fighting instincts keeping you from tumbling to the floor by gripping onto the edge of the sink. At least there were some things blood could wash off from.

“YN!” that familiar voice burst into your apartment, “pool table. Five minutes. I swore to Sam that this was the day we finically beat Vision and his perfect calculations.”

You swore at the joyful ness in his voice. You couldn’t match that tone right now if you tried. But you had to. The mission had gone well. You’d done what you’d set out to do. Only you, the ever-present failure, had gotten yourself stabbed along the way. The only mercy was that no one else had noticed and you’d disappeared to your apartment without drawing suspicion. That was, until now if you couldn’t pull yourself together. You willed your body to close the bathroom door, but it wouldn’t move. If anything, everything only spun even more.

“Where the hell are...”

You felt his presence in your doorway. Felt his gaze like a physical thing. You were always aware of him. Even now was no exception. Maybe if you pretended he wasn’t there, he’d go away. Right. And the three-inch gash in your stomach would stitch itself up. You turned your head, not realizing how many abdominal muscles it took to look over your shoulder. Your pride and the death grip your slick fingers held on the porcelain were the only reasons the spinning didn't send you tumbling to the ground.

When your bathroom came into focus again, the only thing you really saw was Bucky taking up most of the doorway. And he was seething. His normally cool eyes were raging hurricanes, framed between hard lines of frustration on his face. They scanned you from top to bottom with deathly calm, from the sports bar you had on that exposed all your skin and the bruises you garnered during the mission to the sweatpants you’d changed into. An X-ray would have been less intrusive. You shivered. It was probably the blood loss.

You wanted to make up some excuse for your failure, but his anger was justified. You were a liability on the field. They were bound to have figured it out eventually.

He said nothing as he stalked over in a few brisk strides, fury emanating from him in waves. He stopped beside you, the pleasant smell of his freshly showered body chasing away the tang in the air. You closed your eyes. It was a coward’s move, but you’d take any peace you could get before everything you’d worked so hard to keep got taken away from you.

“Sit,” he ordered in a low, almost growly voice, “now.”

You went to sit on the toilet but tipped backward before you could make it. His arms gathered around you, easing you onto the closed seat. Your head lolled back and you squeezed your eyes shut.

“No.” He decided, “I need an explanation. Talk to me.”

It seemed like too much work. All you wanted to do was go to sleep.

“No,” he ordered as if you’d spoken the words aloud. Maybe you had.

You opened your eyes, caught in the crossfire of his icy stare, “Hydra agent during the extraction.”

“Shit,” he muttered.

The extraction of the French Prime Minister had been more than an hour ago. You should have been stitched up a long time ago. You should not have been dripping on the pale bathroom tiles.

“Surface wound,” you continued as professionally as your body would allow, knowing that even though you’d live, your failure was the reason for his fury, “came here. Was in the process of fixing it.”

“We have medics,” he growled, “what were you thinking?”

You didn’t answer. You weren’t about to tell him how your presence was a poison that would likely get them all killed eventually. Or that your constant mistakes were your own consequences to deal with — to fix. He probably knew that all ready. His question had to be rhetorical.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath as if he were trying to steady his anger. You stared at him, the winter soldier kneeling before you, his calloused hands still resting on your hips. He let out a sigh, his breath warm on your stomach.

“I should call for a medic,” he still hadn’t opened his eyes.

“Please don’t,” you whispered, “I can take care of my own mistakes.”

His lids snapped open, piercing blue eyes pinning you to the spot with their ice cold intensity. He was obviously still pissed. But he didn’t call for a medic. Instead, he got up, warm hands leaving behind nothing more than goosebumps and shivers — from the blood loss, of course— and picked up the needle.

“This is going to hurt,” he murmured once he was kneeling in front of you again.

You tried to nod, but the motion sent your vision spinning again and you gripped onto his shoulder for support, the metal sturdy beneath your grip.

He looked up into your eyes, “are you sure you want me to do this? It’ll leave a scar and it won’t be pretty.”

“It’s only fitting,” you coughed a laugh, “at least the outside will start looking like the inside.”

His brows furrowed but he didn’t say anything. He knew what you were. You were a mutant who somehow got the ‘gift’ of being able to make anything stop functioning. You could make plans fall apart. Kill a software program. Stop a body’s functioning. Even ruin a functioning team like the Avengers. With skill, you should have been one of their greatest assets, ruining everything that threatened the world. But your ‘gift’ extended to yourself as well. You ruined everything you touched. Even the good. Especially, it always seemed, the good.

He pierced your skin without warning, but you were glad for the pain. It gave you something else to focus on than the echoing thoughts of your failure. But Bucky was gentle. Despite the anger you knew must still be there, his movements were delicate and focused, hesitating whenever you winced or sucked in a breath.

By the time he tied the knot, you were surprised you were still upright. He might have been efficient, but you couldn’t tell if it had taken seconds, minutes or even hours. His hands cupped your face and eyes you hadn’t realized you’d closed fluttered open. He was so close now, his expression pinched with worry. You couldn’t help but wonder how it could be for you.

“I’m almost done,” he said softly, “but you’ll probably need a transfusion.”

Adrenaline kicked in. You couldn’t. He couldn’t. Not when you could barely keep your eyes open.

“Please don’t take me there,” you begged, “I can’t hurt anyone else.”

Your abilities rarely activated while you were asleep, but you wouldn’t risk the lives of the other patients or the doctors by going down to the medical wing. Years ago, when you’d realized what your abilities were, you’d stopped sleeping anywhere near anyone else. Now, hurt, there was an even greater chance you might lose control.

If you hadn’t been working so hard for consciousness, you would have also told Bucky to leave. But it wouldn’t have mattered. For some reason, he always stayed. Even when he was within the radius of your power. Even when you told him to go. Especially then. He always stayed.

“I won’t hurt anyone else,” you choked out, “I always hurt someone else.”

His thumb brushed across your cheek, “and yet you saved me today.”

You looked away from his burning gaze, your tears threatening to spill.

He continued, mercifully ignoring your watery eyes, “even though you were hurt you dropped that Hydra agent before he could shoot me in the back. We didn’t lose a single agent today, YN. That’s because you were there.”

“No,” you tried to shake your head, but his hands held on tightly, “they — you — saved yourselves. I got stabbed.”

“You got stabbed because you were busy watching everyone else’s back,” he growled, that earlier anger returning.

“I ruin things,” you repeated for what felt like the millionth time.

But it didn’t matter. He never seemed to believe you. But he needed to. You desperately needed him to before you ruined him too.

“Please leave,” you whimpered.

His answer was simple, “No.”

He took his hands back, but it was only to find some gauze to place over your cut. Once he was done, he scooped you up so gently the movement only hurt a lot instead of blinding pain and brought you to bed.

You gripped his shirt, fist balling up at the hem with all the strength you had left, “you need to leave, Bucky. Now.”

For some reason, the bastard smirked, “Someone has to make sure you don’t die in your sleep.”

“I’ll be fine,” you snapped, though it lacked any kind of force.

He didn’t look impressed, “If you were fine you wouldn’t be begging me to leave. You’d be downstairs with me and we’d be getting our asses handed to us by Vision and Sam like every other Thursday night.”

You wanted to protest. You wanted to protect him, but you had no fight left in you. And with the plush mattress calling you to sleep, the world went dark before you could figure out a way to get him to leave.

“All right Destructo, show me what you’ve got.”

You weren’t a fan of the nickname, but you weren’t about to tell the Tony Stark to shut up and use your real name. And anyways, as much as you hated using your abilities, and how you were always overcome by the tidal wave of fear that sent fear rolling like waves throughout your body, you always felt better — healthier even — after using them. And he was giving you free range now.

Eight suits surrounded you in a perfect octagon, hands out like they were ready to strike. Tony had somehow altered his suits so that they’d shoot bubbles — of all things — instead of small blasts and said you’d only be alive if you managed to take them all down before a single bubble came out.

A small grin unwittingly made its way onto your face.

“Glad to see you’re having fun,” Tony remarked, “it’ll come in handy for future testing. Ready?”

You nodded and ignored the bit about future testing. They might have thought they wanted you now but after they saw how much of a curse you really were, they weren’t going to keep you around long enough for future testing. You prayed that day wasn’t any time soon.

But you were ready now. That was until Tony’s voice crackled through the intercoms once more, “just make sure you don’t kill anyone of us in the process. I’d hate to miss Taco Tuesday.

You lifted your chin, “Give me thirty seconds with the enemies and you’ll have your taco.”

“Such confidence,” he remarked with a chuckle.

It was false bravado but you wanted this. You wanted out of your hell hole. So you weren’t about to let him see any of the very real fear that you actually might kill him. in the process.

You let out your power in a giant blast.

You bolted upright, gasping for breath. Black spots clouded your vision but you forced through the waves of dizziness, looking for the one person you couldn’t bear to hurt. He was supposed to have left. Your next breath never came. Bucky’s long limbs spilled over the edges of the chair in the opposite corner of the room, his phone resting on his chest. His eyes were closed, a peaceful look on his face but that didn’t mean anything. The dead often looked at peace.

Then his phone rose and fell with his chest. You held back a sob. Your relief would have sent you tumbling if you hadn’t been sitting. He was alive.

Without your blinding panic, the rest of your room came into focus. He’d left all the clothes you’d strewn over the chair in a neat, folded pile on your dresser. You glanced over at your alarm clock for the time, which was…off. Your dread clenched it’s fist around your stomach. It had been on. So had your air conditioning unit. And where was the constant hum of your ancient refrigerator?

“They’re all fried,” Bucky’s gruff voice came through the silence as if he’d actually been sleeping, “the phone gave a nice little shock when it died. Snapped me out of my sleep that’s for sure.”

Your heart was still trying to hammer its way out of your chest when you said, “You could have gotten hurt. I don’t know how you’re not.”

“I do,” he replied simply, eyes finding yours.

“No, you don’t,.” you shook your head more than you had to, “No, you can’t.”

“I can because I’ve trained with you almost every day since you got here. I know that your gift,” you scoffed at the word but he kept going, “your gift works differently depending on who and what you’re targeting. And I know you don’t target people. Not unless you have to and even then I see that it kills you to do it.”

You looked down at your sheets, hating the way his words resonated through your body, refusing to go away. But you could still ignore it.

“That might be true, but Tony has been making his suits to withstand me. In case I can’t control my powers and they hurt anyone on our side. He might say it’s in case we meet another mutant with powers like mine, but we all know that’s not true.”

“Why can’t it be both?” he huffed then took in a slow breath. It did nothing to hide the growl in his voice when he asked, “None of us are perfect, why do you have to be?”

Because, even as a full grown adult, you were afraid you’d somehow end up back in that orphanage, unloved and unwanted because all you did was ruin things. And you didn’t know what you’d do if you ruined the closest thing you’d ever had to family. Perfect kept you here. Perfect kept you safe.

He stood from the chair, and came to kneel beside your bed. He brushed aside the hair that had stuck to your forehead with sweat, calloused fingers resting gently on your cheek when he was done.

“You’re one of us now” he whispered as if he could read your mind, “and I — we — won’t let you go that easily not matter what you think of your abilities. Even if that means I have to inspect you for cuts and bruises myself after every mission. You are good, YN.”

You could only nod, taken aback by the ferocity in his voice. Still, it didn’t stop you from looking him over head to toe once more just to make sure he was okay. Then you noticed something off with him.

“Where’s your arm?”

He ran his hand through his hair, a sheepish look on his face, “it might have fallen off a few seconds before you woke up.”

Your heart dropped into your stomach, “I hurt you.”

He shook his head fiercely, “you didn’t. I’m fine.”

“But I could have,” you protested.

“But you didn’t,” he said, “you never do. Because despite what you might think, you control this thing inside you and we all trust you with it.”

You were about to object but he stopped you by pressing a light kiss to your forehead, and when he pulled back there was that lopsided little grin on his face that made you realize how light headed you were feeling, “one day we’ll get to a place where you’ll find this funny. I promise.”

And somehow, you believed him.

#bucky #Bucky Barnes #bucky x y/n #bucky x you #Bucky angst #fanfic #fanfiction

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oitommothetease · 3 years

Text

Invisible String (14/15)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female reader (Modern AU)

Word Count: 2.4k words

Warning : angst, sad reader, angry reader, dumbass Bucky, Steve being likable for once, smartass Sam, reader finally having some friends, mention of assault, confrontation, drinking, fluff, Bec is Bucky’s sister - Rebecca

Unlike you, Bucky remembered everything. He could never forget that you were hurt because of him — tied to a chair for hours while he couldn't save you — crying on the bathroom floor as he held you. The only thing common in all of those instances was him. You had to go through shit because of him, and yet, you still didn't blame him. You wrapped your arm around him as if he wasn't the cause of your pain. It was clear that his past and the baggage that he came with didn’t bother you. In fact, you understood and accepted his trauma and still loved him. You didn't love him despite his baggage. No, you loved him with every bad thing he offered.

Bucky was sure you were delusional. No sane woman would want to be with the man who was responsible for her captivity, yet you snuggled closer towards him the moment this thought occurred in his head. And Bucky loved you more because of that, and he thought he wasn't physically capable of loving you more than he already did. Bucky knew you reciprocated those feelings, it was very obvious that both of you were a goner for the other. Nevertheless, those emotions were not voiced out loud in your relationship yet. And Bucky wanted it to stay that way.

Bucky decided to sneak out of your bed and house before you could wake up. He was aware it was cowardly of him to just leave without giving you an explanation. But if he stayed to explain, you would have asked him to stay, and he didn't have it in himself to tell you no. You were the ray of sunshine in his stormy life and he could never say no to you. You could ask him to get you the sun, and he would get it for you, even after knowing that it would kill him and the humankind in the process. He would still do it.

But what he couldn’t do was refuse you, so he would have to leave you instead.

***

You woke up a bit disoriented, unaware of the surroundings you were in. It took you a minute to process that you were in your own house and not held captive. Once you came back to your senses instinctively you called for Bucky. He held you while you slept the previous night, so he had to be out in the kitchen. When no response came back, you went out to check for him, only to be met with an empty house.

When you tried to contact him, Bucky was distant. He didn’t respond to your texts and your mind was telling you that something was wrong, but you shoved those thoughts sideways, hoping that maybe he was busy with work. But you both went through something traumatic, you needed him to be with you. If he were busy, he could have at least texted you.

Well, if he was going to ignore you, then you wouldn't be one of those people whose life revolved around their partner. You had a book to write and ambitions that didn’t involve him.

Two hours later, when there was no word from him, you stared at the blank screen on your computer. You weren’t unfamiliar with writer's block, but it had been months and you haven't written a single line since the incident in the club involving Rumlow. And now that you were alone with your thoughts, you started doubting everything. Should you have stayed in that corporate 9 to 5 job? You'd have a stable life and a fixed salary. Maybe you could have even got a promotion. Should you have filed a complaint against Rumlow? Bucky wanted you to, he even assured you the cops would be on your side, but you just weren't ready. You realized that by choosing to remain silent, you were sending a predator out in the world. He could do that to other people and you could have stopped it.

A knock on the front door interrupted your train of thoughts and you were grateful for the person on the other side. You assumed it was Bucky, he didn’t need to buzz in because he literally owned the building. Well, it could also be any one of his friends. Sam and Steve also didn't need permission . And the other day when Peter came by to give you your phone (you left it in the club), he didn't buzz in either.

Seeing Wanda, Peter and Pietro on the door was a good change and God, you needed a change or else you'd go mad with self-loathing.

“We brought pizza,” Wanda exclaimed, lifting the bag in her hand to show you.

You didn't say anything, just smiled at them thankfully. You were really delighted they were here. Not only that, but you didn't have many friends here, and you considered your work friends, your only friends. It was nice to see that they saw you as a friend too and not just someone they work with.

“And beers,” Pietro chimed in, raising the carton in his hand.

You looked at Peter before teasing, “Is he even legal, guys?”

Seeing you joke around with them made Wanda happy. Between all the testosterone, she truly needed a female friend, and she was relieved to see you treating them as friends rather than colleagues. And she understood the trauma that must haunt you since your kidnapping. She was an empath and when you didn’t show up at work, she grew worried.

Half an hour later, most of you were on your second beer. Pietro was on his fourth. That man was fast at everything he did. A movie was playing in the background that none of you paid attention to while everyone was settled on your couch. It wasn't a very spacious couch, you were all squashed into it, but it was too comfortable to leave. You were sitting in between Peter and Wanda, while Pietro was situated beside his sister.

You forgot how nice it felt to have friends and bitch about people to them.

“And just like that he was gone. I woke up and he wasn't there,” you told them, “Hasn't been taking my calls either.”

Pietro took a sip of his drink before saying, “What an ass!”

Wanda raised her bottle, nudging all of you to join her, and said, “Fuck men!”

“Amen!” you agreed, Peter and Pietro nodded too.

“You should focus on your book,” Pietro advised, “Bucky is gonna regret if he loses someone like you, babe.”

The book. Your book. You couldn't tell them why you weren't focused on the book. It was still a lot to process, and you were not ready, so you nodded before chanting, “Fuck Bucky!”

***

“What are you doing here?” Sam questioned as he and his husband entered the office.

“Last I checked, I own this place.”

Sam huffed, “I meant why are you here instead of her place, smartass?”

Bucky looked around to avoid the questioning gaze of both Sam and Steve. He hadn’t talked to Steve since the argument they had over you. Of course, they did discuss business as usual, but nothing related to their personal life.

“She doesn't need me,'' Bucky murmured and looked at Steve. “You must be pleased to know that it's over.”

Bewilderment was clear on the faces of both the men because Bucky exhaled loudly before continuing, “I almost got her killed. It would be wise and safe for her to not be with me.”

Steve finally spoke, “Did she say that?”

When his best friend shook his head ‘no’, Steve sighed in exasperation. “You are an idiot.”

“Yeah, well, that's what you wanted, didn't you?” Bucky retorted, “For me to focus on work and not on her.”

“I was clearly wrong, pal,” Steve raised his hand in exasperation as if it was obvious, “And I’m sorry for that.”

“Well, it's over now.”

***

“Before I met Nat. I dated a girl who pretended to be gay,” Wanda scrunched her nose, remembering the awful memory.

“Oh yeah, weird Sallie,” Pietro smiled teasingly, “Did you guys know that when Wanda brought her home, she hit on our dad?”

“No!” Both you and Peter cried out, stupefied at his words.

“Yeah,” Wanda outlined, “And on Pietro too.”

“I mean, Mr. Barnes is not like this,” Peter brought the conversation back to Bucky and you sucked in a heavy breath. “I’m sure he had a good reason for doing all of this.”

“Seriously?” you were pretty drunk, but not drunk enough to talk about Bucky. You looked at Wanda and Pietro for support, but they shrugged their shoulders in a manner that said, ‘He's not wrong, though.’

You wanted to go to bed and sleep. But you knew they were right. Bucky would never hurt you intentionally, you knew that. “Do you guys know where he is now?”

***

Since trying to talk some sense into Bucky wasn't working, Sam and Steve retaliated back to talk about business.

“Clint is officially out of here,” Steve reported, “Torturing him would just create more ruckus. Rumlow is behind us because he wants his weapons in the government, and Clint would just be a casualty in all this shit. He has three kids.”

Sam huffed, “We told Laura. Her wrath would be worse for Clint than our fists.”

Bucky didn't say anything and just nodded. Steve could feel something was on Bucky's mind, wrapping his arms to his chest, he raised a brow towards his best friend.

“I’m just tired of all of this,” Bucky said sadly, “Is this what we left Rumlow for, pal? You have a kid at home, Wanda has a wife, I have ma and Bec and I haven't met them in years, in fear of someone following me. And now — Well, now I’ve lost the girl too."

Steve and Sam looked at their friend with sympathy. They knew the toll their work took on all of them. Hell, they had a four-year-old daughter at home, and could barely sleep at night, always terrified of losing their kid because of their job.

Sam was about to ask Bucky to suggest an alternative that would help all of them could to make it out of there and just work on the club and not some shady business. Suddenly, the office door flung open and on purpose, everyone’s hand reached for the gun in their waistband. But in walked you with a beer bottle in your hand and a pizza slice in another.

“JAMES BUCKY BARNES!” You exclaimed, your steps wavering a little as you walked towards him. Oh, and you looked royally pissed.

Instantly, Bucky was on his feet and making his way towards you, to hold you — to be near you. And before you could say anything, he was engulfing his arms around your waist, his head settled at the crane of your neck and you frowned. Okay, You did not expect that. You thought he would ignore you, and you would give him a piece of your mind before leaving.

Sober you would have asked him to have a mature conversation like adults, but tipsy you wanted to flip him off and leave. Your arms hung around your sides awkwardly, trying to understand the situation before finally pushing him away.

“You left me,” you spoke so softly that if Bucky wasn't so close, he wouldn't have heard it. “I needed you and you left me alone.”

Bucky’s heart broke at your words. He didn't consider how his rash decision would affect you. You were kidnapped by the person who assaulted you. Fuck, he cursed himself. He was supposed to be protecting you, not hurting you. You sounded so hurt that Bucky wanted to get on his knees and ask for forgiveness. He was so focused on your physical injuries, he did not even realize he was hurting you emotionally.

Steve cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable to present. He interrupted and took his husband’s hand in his, “We’re going to go.”

Before they could leave, you shifted your attention towards Steve and pointed a finger at him. “Why do you hate me?”

Steve stammered, he didn't expect you to put him in a spot like this, but you had a tad more than necessary liquid courage in your system.

“Doll,” Bucky breathed, and you moved your gaze back towards him. Steve took the opportunity and left the room with Sam.

You were on the verge of tears by now — both of you were — Bucky wasn't a man who could voice his feelings, but with you, all of his armor came shattering down. With you — he would tell you his vulnerabilities and fears just so he could let you in. You meant so much to him that the fear of losing you blinded his sense of understanding. He realized that he acted immaturely and by doing so, he almost lost you.

“You hurt me,” Your voice wavered, the traitorous tears made their way down your eyes, and Bucky couldn't see you like that. Instinctively, he stretched his hands to wrap around you, but stopped, “Can I hold you?”

You sniffled and nodded, and Bucky engulfed you flush against his chest. After a while, you snaked your hands around his shoulder too, and a sob broke down from your throat.

He didn't remember how long he held you like this, but after a while, he picked you up and made his way to the couch. He stood before you and then slid one hand up to your cheek. Likewise, he brushed his thumb across your cheek. And then you slowly straddled his waist as you both settled down on the soft sofa. Bucky’s hands fell naturally to your hips to pull you closer.

“I love you, Bucky,” you whispered, once your tears suspended. You enveloped your arms around him and pressed your forehead against his.

Bucky didn’t know whether you meant it or not. You were pretty drunk. He hoped you did.

“I love you, doll,” he confessed as he kissed the crown of your head. He noticed that you were on the brink of sleep, your breathing even, and you looked so peaceful in his arms.

He felt at ease — calm even with you in his arms and in that moment he decided he was never letting you go no matter what.

TAGS : @bananapipedreams @akkinda10 @rivers-rambles21 @emmabarnes @valsworldofcreativity @boofy1998 @marvel-3407 @mybuck @priii @coffeebooksandfandom @ladydmalfoy @shaking-a-jar-of-bees @elizamalfoyy @maladaptivexxdaydreaming @sabrinathesimp

Taglist for future stuff.

#bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes series #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x female reader

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