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cheynovak · 7 months

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Crush part 4

Dean Winchester x Reader (Y/N) & Sam Winchester (Platonic)

Warnings: Fluff, sexual tension, implied smut, alcohol, trauma, aggression,

Side note: English isn’t my first language, please don’t mind little mistakes.

Words: 4800

*Does not follow the SPN storyline! *

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Recap part 3: Y/N is a high school crush/friend of Sam, when they were 16 y/o they attended the same school for a while. But she always liked Dean. Years later despite the trauma and difficult life, they chose to be with each other. Dean tries hard not to take Y/N on hunts but sometimes they have no choice.

Now years later, Dean has the mark of Cain and Y/N is determent to help Sam and Dean. They been through a lot, how will they cope with this challenge?

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“You idiot!” Y/N screamed through the halls of the bunker. “You, you, ... do you ever think, Dean! Just for one second?” - “I take Dean told Y/N about the mark?” Castiel asked Sam who sat in the kitchen while he heard the couple fight. “Yeah, just now.”

“It’s the only way to kill Abaddon! And you know it!” Dean matched her tone. “I don’t care about Abaddon, not if it hurt you!” - “It won’t!” - “Oh yes of course like nothing ever does right? I can’t believe you!”

“Y/N don’t be like that! Everything is fine.” - “You call black outs after killing people fine? Sneaking out to hunt alone so you can kill fine? Who are you? Because I sure as hell don’t recognise you anymore!” She turned her back and walked to the kitchen, clearly surprised to see the angel and Sam. Both looking awkward for witnessing their fight.

“I’m going to kill Crowley.” - “Sweetheart...” He followed her close. “Don’t!” She turned back at him pointing a finger in his face. “How many times do I need to get worried about you? How many times do I need to see you die. Hell, see all of you die?” She waved her arms around. “Why on earth did you trust Crowley. He knew about Cain, he isn’t stupid!”

“Y/N” Sam started in a soft voice. “This isn’t ideal, but we’ll get through it. I don’t like it, just like you but what choice do we have?” - “How about let someone else deal with this for once?” - “Who do you trust with this?” Dean added. “I don’t care Dean, one of these days you’ll die, for real.” - “Then I’ll go down swinging.” He said like it was nothing. “Oh, good for you, but I’ll be the one to burry you!”

Y/N stormed out of the kitchen, grabbed her keys and went for a drive in the middle of the night. Deep inside she knew Dean was right, but why did it had to be him, she was so afraid to lose him. After all they had been through so much, the fear became more and more real.

Dean sat down at the kitchen table. “You weren’t able to keep it from her any longer.” Cas said. “I know, I know she is just worried. But she knows this is our life.” - “It used to be much easier, ghost, vampires, but this, this really scares her.” Sam said looking at his brother’s arm. “Plus, she noticed you being... different.”

“I know. I pushed her away. I’m sure she noticed a difference in my behaviour. It’s not like it's been easy lately.” Dean spoke like he meant hunting, but he knew they had some trouble in their relationship too. It’s not that he didn’t want to work on it, it’s just that the world was now a priority, he knew she would understand.

Y/N arrived back home late that night, she saw Dean already sleeping in bed. She took a deep breath before crawling next to him. Nose to nose she looked at him. “Baby?” He mumbled. “Hm?” -”Please don’t be mad.” He opened one eye slightly “I’m not. I’m concerned.” She gave him a small peck between his brows, before turning around to face the other side of the room.

Dean felt her being distant lately. No more cuddling in bed, no more morning make out sessions, if he was honest almost no intimacy at all. He knew it was his fault, since he had the mark these few weeks, he didn’t feel like it anymore. Which for him was weird. No matter how tired, she could always seduce him, but not anymore.

He knew it made her insecure, but he was too ashamed to talk about it. He thought it would be easier to handle it once the world wasn’t burning anymore. She didn’t push him in to talking about it. But he noticed her being more edgy, easier annoyed, less happy.

The next morning, he woke up noticing she was already up. When he opened the bedroom door, he heard music coming from the kitchen. When he walked in, he saw Y/N swaying to the music... laughing while she made breakfast with his brother. And again, when they were in a bad place, Sam could make her smile. How does he do that Dean wondered.

“Good...morning.” Dean said with a little hesitation. “Goodmorning baby” She smiled softly but stopped dancing while turning the music down. Y/N place a plate with pancakes in front of Dean. “Eat up, before it gets cold.” She said before kissing his shoulder and walking out of the kitchen. His eyes followed her before turning back to Sam, who smiled softly.

“Did she, talked to you lately?” He asked his younger brother. “Well, we talk all the time, a little more specific?” - “About... us?” Sam’s raised one brow. He saw how serious he was in his eyes. “Look it’s not my place to say, but she is afraid, afraid to lose you, again. But also, afraid to lose you.”

Dean looked confused. “She thinks that you are bored of her or something. That you two are still together out of habit or mutual respect. Basically, that you don’t love her anymore.” - “What? That’s ridiculous.” - “I told her that. But she isn’t so sure about your feelings for her anymore.”

After breakfast Dean was determined to talk to Y/N, but unfortunately Crowley came back with information on Abaddon and the boys had to move out really quick. Y/N took a deep breath, “Remember me to kill him after you come back.” She said to Dean while looking at the demon. “I heard that.” - “Good.”

Dean smiled. “So that means you still want me when I get back?” She kissed his lips. “I’ll always want you Dean Winchester, no matter how complicated things are.” One side of his lips curled slightly. “Just get back in one piece.” His hand moved to the back of her neck. “I promise.” he whispered before kissing her back.

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The indeed got back, but the need to kill became more and more difficult for Dean to handle. He tried so hard to restrain it, knowing Y/N would be worried, but the tension between them didn’t get better.

Next thing they know, they had to face Metatron again. In search of the tabled. But Dean felt he had a shot on killing the messenger of God. When Y/N came back from groceries shopping the bunker was empty. They headed out without telling her what was going on, part from one little text she got from Sam. Found Metatron, going after him. Don’t worry, I got him. Sam meant he was watching his brother. One thing she learned about the Winchesters, they have each other's back, but will also die for each other as long as the other gets to live.

Sam saw Dean get stabbed by the angel blade, rushing to his brother in despair, while Metatron smiled. Sam tried to fight the angel, but he vanished. He held his brother in tears in his arms, not knowing what to do. He knew he needed to bring him home. And face Y/N.

Y/N heard the door of the bunker open. She walked to the stairs smiling, only to see Sam carrying the lifeless body of Dean. Her smile vanished, her hand covered her mouth, eyes starting to tear. She came running towards Sam. “No, no, no, NO. Dean... baby?” - “I’m sorry.” Was all Sam repeatedly cried when she held his face in her hands.

Sam placed his brother on their bed. Y/N sat beside him, cleaned the blood of his face and hands. “Come on baby, wake up.” She whispered under her breath, she had no idea how long she sat beside him before she got up and walked back to Sam. Could have been 5 minutes or 5 hours.

Without saying a word, she took the bottle in front of him and poured herself a glass. “Y/N, I...” - “I don’t want to hear it Sam, you find a way to bring him back. I don’t care what we need to do. Who I need to sell my soul to, YOU bring him BACK.” Tears rolled down her cheeks when she walked away with the glass in her hand.

Sam was trying to summon Crowley little did they know he was already visiting, knowing what would happen to Dean next.

Sammy, let me go.

“That’s all?” Y/N teared up looking at the note Dean left. He didn’t even think of her? After all these years. Sam noticed her struggle. “I’m not giving up Y/N, if Dean is a demon, I will find a way to bring him back.” She nodded before she felt his arms pulling her into a hug.

“I’m sure he thought of you too. Probably to fixated on leaving.” - “Or I don’t care enough.” He felt her tears on his shirt. “No, he needs you as much as you need him.”

“You’re not going alone Sam, I’m not letting you out of my sight.” Y/N stood arms crossed on the stairs. Weeks have been passed and Sam left her with the research while going solo on trips. Only this time he came back with a dislocated shoulder.

She saw the hesitation in his eyes. “I know I’m no hunter, not like you guys, but I’ve been living this life just like you over the past few years.” She sighs “This is my fight too.”

“Ok, let’s find them.” He said while turning her on the stairs. Every alert possible was installed on their phones. They searched for every crossroad demon, trying to find intel. Sam became more and more reckless, Y/N could see the disperse growing inside him.

One night she and Sam sat down at a local diner “Dean is clearly keeping a low profile. So, do me a favour, try to enjoy the food.” Y/N looked at her phone. “Sam... Wait a minute. This may be a long shot but that bar...” She pointed at the map on her phone. “Dean used to tell me about it. Something with great beers and music?”

Little did they know Dean tried to life the best life ever. Crowley tried to use him for his own personal amusements, of course. “You know Dean, those two are closing up on us. We might want to leave soon.”

“You know Crowley, for a demon you do really care a lot.” He waved at the bartender asking for another shot and a cocktail with an umbrella for the ‘lady’ next to him. While he smiled at Crowley.

“Listening to you singing the same 3 songs on karaoke has been a blast, watching you sticking your tongue down the throat of hottest chicks, I don’t care. You do you. But I really don’t want to get murdered by your brother and ex-girlfriend.”

Y/N and Sam’s car broke down just a few miles away from the bar. A nice man stopped his car and asked if they could use some help, pretends to inspect the engine, He reveals that the reason the car stopped is because of a "killswitch" that he himself is able to operate via remote.

Before Sam can pull out his gun from behind his back, He knocks him out cold. Y/N tried to get the gun out of the glovebox but the gun against her head made her lift her hands. “My issue isn’t with you sweetheart. Turn around and keep walking away from the car.”

Sam wakes up to find himself strapped to a chair, Cole, the man, explains that he is using Sam as a bargaining chip to lure Dean and kill him. Sam warns Cole that Dean is now a monster, but Cole naively rebuffs saying that he knows he is a monster and that now Dean is the prey.

Cole calls Dean and demands a trade, but Dean is apathetic towards his brother's capture, as he warned Sam not to come looking for him. “Listen Sammy, I told you to let me go. You are just too stubborn.” - “Well, Sam, it looks like a should have taken your girlfriend with us. Since your brother isn’t going to be of much help.”

Dean’s voice changed a on the phone. “You brought Y/N?!” Sam knew he was pissed. You left her, what was I supposed to do? He thought. “Oh-oh, trouble in paradise.” Cole added. “Listen, Cole, was it? Do whatever you want. But if our paths cross, you’re dead.” Dean said with a calm voice before he hung up the phone.

Y/N walked to the nearest motel, which took her almost an entire night. Luckly, she had some money in her phones case hidden. The clerk gave her a set of keys. Y/N was glad she could take at least a shower and a few hours of sleep before creating a plan of finding Sam.

But when she lied down in bed and closed her eyes, she could hear her neighbours, or at least the girl. Realising they weren’t planning on getting sleep anytime soon. “Great, cheap motel walls.” She said under her breath. She walked back to the bathroom finding something to stuff her ears with.

By morning she woke up by the sound of what she thought would be Crowley. “Seriously on my bed?” Y/N almost flew out of bed and opened the door only to bump into the blonde girl who she heard last night. “I’m sorry.” Y/N said but got nothing but a dirty look.

Then she saw Crowley's head pop out of the room next door. “Oh no.” Y/N held her foot between the door he just wanted to close. “CROWLEY!” She burst through, seeing Dean in the bed. The world underneath her feet crumbled. “D-Dean?”

“What are you doing here Y/N?” Was all his stone-cold voice said. “I-I came with Sam to find you, but he...” - “Yeah kidnapped, Cole, wants me.” - “And you let him have your brother?” - “Well, I was a little busy.” He said while going with his hands over his bed hair. “Yeah, I heard.” - “Kinky, if I knew you where next door would’ve asked you to join.” He grinned.

She looked over at Crowley, who to her surprise looked apologetic maybe even with a little sympathy for her. “Where you going?” Dean asked when she finally felt her feet again and turned. “I need to find Sam.” - “So, you went to all this trouble to find me, now that you have, you walk away?” Dean got up.

“Well, you’re clearly not trying to save your brother, and...” She thought hard about her next words. You cheated, you left me, you hurt me, you’re not you anymore, I can’t look at you. “I guess we all have moved on since you left us, I care for him more than ever. I need him to be safe.”

She looked back at Crowley. “I know, you’ll kill me when you see me again.” She nodded before closing the door. “Well, that was awkward.” Crowley turned to Dean. Seeing a little fraction of human emotion in Deans eyes. She hurts him in a place he didn’t knew he still felt.

Y/N decided to walk back to the car, but halfway there a car stopped in front of her. “Y/N?” - “Oh god, SAM!” She ran straight to him, her arms wrapped around his waist. “I’m glad I found you, I was so worried.” - “You were worried? Sam, you were kidnapped.” - “And my best friend was out there alone.”

Thanks to the intel from Y/N her previous encounter with Dean, Sam found his brother quickly. The ride home however wasn’t very pleasant. “So, Sammy. I heard you and Y/N spent quite some time together lately. Tell me, did the high school butterflies came back? Have you been wooing her? Maybe even shared a little kiss?” - “SHUT UP DEAN!” They shouted at the same time.

When they locked Dean in the dungeon, he looked at her standing at the door, while Sam checked the traps and the spell work around him. Y/N broke the eye contact she had with Dean when Sam walked towards her. She placed a hand on his shoulder. “He won’t go anywhere.” He said holding his hand over hers.

Dean rolled his eyes.

The next day Sam started to inject Dean with the purified blood. Y/N could hear him scream, she had promised Sam not to go down there. “Does it hurt him?” She asked with a tremble in her voice. Sam sighs, “I’m not sure if it’s real or he just fakes it to stop me.”

“Maybe I should face him? See if it works.” - “No, I don’t want you to see him like this. The things he says... It’s horrible.” She nodded but decided to take a peek the next time anyway. “You know Sammy, I would never think you would go for my leftovers.” Sam did his best to ignore his brother.

“I mean, I had always known she is your type. Hell, you would whine about her day and night, how she was the one for you. I should have known you would take her when you saw an opening.” - “Dean, you left, you fucked around, literally. But you expect me to wait for you to come home?” Y/N walked towards the circle.

Seeing Y/N made it hard on Dean to act like he still didn’t feel the blood working. “You haven’t touched me in ages, but I have to act like a nun while you play the pornstar is that it?” He didn’t answer. God she wanted to slap that smug face of his.

“Y/N? Why are you here?” Sam asked in his caring voice. “I wanted to say I need some fresh air.” She placed her hand on his shoulder before she stood on her toes to kiss his cheek, I’ll be right back. Sam understood the assignment, this was the perfect way of seeing if Dean still cared.

She walked back but right before she turned through the door Sam called her. He grabbed her hand, but she backs up against the wall just outside the door, in the hall. “Trust me” She mouthed. “I’m going to be fine Sam.” said quietly, while looking at his lips. “I know, I just...” Sam matched her voice before closed the space between their lips.

Dean sat in the chair not seeing them, but he could clearly hear them. When Sam didn’t complete his answer, it hit him. “Really guys!” No answer, “Find yourself a room!” Dean heard nothing but a deep breath coming from his brother.

“Be safe ok?” He said before kissing the top of her head.

By the time Y/N got back, Sam was eating pizza, “bought your favourite.” He said while looking at her, he placed his finger of his mouth, telling her he could still hear them. She took a seat on the table next to Sam’s plate. “You think he can hear us?” Sam nodded.

Y/N took out her phone “Did it work?” the texted him, “I don’t know.” Sam answered honestly. He hung back in his chair. “I’m not sure about any of these treatments.” - “We’ll figure this out, together.” She pinched his shoulder before grabbing a plate from the kitchen.

That night Y/N had a really vivid dream, for some reasons their experiments on Dean turned against them. His body shuts down, both she and Sam ran towards him but when they undid the trap and untied him from the chair, but then he hit Sam knock out on the floor before he choked the life out of her.

By the time she woke up screaming Sam ran through the door. “Hey, hey you’re ok.” He hushed her, holding her in his arms. “I’m here, it was just a dream. Shh, I got you.” Y/N couldn’t hold back, in full panic she bursts into tears. “Oh, Sam it was awful!” - “It was just a dream Y/N.”

Sam comforts her for a few hours before she heard his breath getting heavy. She looked up, seeing her best friend had fallen asleep while holding her. She tried to get out of his grip, but when she moved, he woke up. “What’s going on?” He asked sleepy. “Lay down, it’s more comfortably.” she whispered.

Since he was still half asleep, she could push him against her pillow. Throwing an extra blanked over him. Way to short but it was the idea that counted. She placed her head back against Dean’s pillow. She could still smell his aftershave on it. Not long after they both fell asleep.

Y/N woke up by the movement of her bed. She noticed how Sam got up, “Hey.” she said, her voice still sounding sleepy. “Morning. I’m going to check on Dean. Try to sleep some more.” His lips curled into a smile.

She didn’t sleep anymore, she just thought how lucky she was she had Sam in this situation. No idea how he could keep his cool every time he had to go take care of Dean. Lucky how he didn’t make this into an awkward situation, just a friend helping another friend.

“Y/N!” She heard Sam yell. “Yeah?” she got up and ran towards Sam, who met her halfway. “He is gone.” - “What? How?” - “I don’t know but he got out.” They both ran towards the control room where Dean stood waiting for them. Sam pushed Y/N behind him when he saw his brother. “You know seeing you two all cosy and cuddly in my bed made me realise something.”

Dean’s eyes turned black. “I should have left you to rot with those vampires when I had the chance.” - “Y/N run, RUN.” Sam pushed her away. “Oh Sammy, do you really think you two are going to have a happy ending?” - “It’s nothing like that.” He tried to distract his brother so she could find a place to hide.

“What? This isn’t like the last time? What was it you said again, Oh yeah: I don’t think about her like that.” Dean walked slowly closer to Sam, “I don’t care that you fucked her, each have our needs Sammy, no hard feelings.” Sam frowned at his brother. “Did she do that thing with her tongue? Feels good doesn't it.” He grinned, standing toe to toe with him now. “What?”

Before Sam could say anything more, Dean had pushed him aside. When Sam got up, he immediately locket the bunker. Turning the lighting red. Dean broke a few doors trying to find Y/N again. Little did he know Y/N had been praying to Castiel. Who thankfully appeared and helped both her and Sam.

A little while later they managed to bring Dean back.

He stood in the bathroom, hanging on the sink while looking at his reflection. He said he needed a shower to ‘clean up’ but really, he didn’t want to be around Y/N. He felt ashamed of what he did. The bathroom door opened, he saw her walking towards him, Dean quickly looked back in front of him.

Y/N walked behind him. “How are you feeling?” She asked. “Good.” Was all he said. She couldn’t hold back, she wrapped her arms around his torso. Placing her cheek between his shoulders, taking a deep breath, his warm and reliable smell filled her nose. “I missed you.” She admitted before giving him the space she knows he needed.

“Y/N?” she turned back to him, “Where do you want me to sleep?” Y/N frowned her brows, “In our bed?” - “Are you sure.” - “Dean, I know we need to talk about... everything.” she took a deep breath, “I just hoped we could work this out.” - “Wait you... you still want me?” She smiled soft. “Just get to bed, we’ll talk then.”

Dean felt nervous, not knowing how this conversation will go. He walked in the room noticing Y/N wasn’t there yet. “Hey, got us a beer.” She handed it to him while she got on bed sitting with her legs crossed. “Why are you so nice?” He blurred out. “I’m done fighting Dean.” He felt his chest getting heavy.

After a silence Y/N spoke, “I think the most important question is. Do you still want this, us?” She looked at the beer bottle in her hand. “Me?” Dean now took a seat on the bed facing her. “I want nothing more. But I messed up, so if you don’t want to... I’d understand.”

“I told you before I will always want you, but things need to be different from now on.” He listened to her. “I want you to talk to me before you make choices that affects us all. You talk to Sam or Cas about hunting but forget about me. I’m as much part of your life as them Dean.” He saw the tears shine in her eyes again.

“All I wanted was to keep you safe, sweetheart.” She nodded rapidly, “I know, I really do, but you can’t. A few hours ago, you chased me through these halls, trying to kill me.” Hearing those words coming out of her mouth made Dean emotional.

“And I don’t even care about what you did when you were a demon. You were not you, I know that, but you need to give me time to get over, seeing you, hearing her, realising that you...” A tear fell down his cheek. “I’m so, so sorry baby. I wish I could take it back. Undo a lot.”

After a heart to heart, they agreed on telling each other everything. Talk more and give time to heal. She got up and softly kissed Dean’s lips. “My turn to shower.” She smiled wiping away the last few tears.

Dean made himself comfortable in the bed waiting for her to come back. He heard Sam talking to her outside their room. “Are you guys ok? - “We will be, thanks Sam.” Y/N got inside noticed Dean waiting for her.

She crawled in bed on her side, only to move closer to Dean, he lifted his arm around her while her cheek snuggled against his chest. Dean kissed her hair, scared of the question he was about to ask. “Sweetheart, I got to ask. You and Sam?”

“You believed that?” - “I heard you kiss. Saw you in this bed.” - “I wanted to see if you were affected by that, see if we could bring a part of your humanity to the horizon. And he fell asleep in this bed when I had a nightmare.” Y/N lifted herself up a little. “Sam and I, we’re still just friends, part from one staged kiss, nothing happened.”

She cupped his cheek, “Why do you keep worrying?” - “I left you, you saw me with another girl, but even before that we didn’t make love anymore.” Y/N sighs, I know. Her hand moved over his arm, “Was it just the mark?” - “I felt scared to be close to you. Scared I would black out and hurt you.”

Y/N moved again, holding his face now in both hands, while her legs straddled him. “Baby, look at me. Mark or no mark, demon or not, you will never, ever physically hurt me. You could have, but you let Sam stall you.” She let her forehead touch his. “I trust you Dean.”

His hands moved to her back, holding her while her lips found his. Unconsciously she grinded against his hips. In despair, needing to feel him. His lips travelled down to her neck. “Besides, who says I don’t like it a little rougher.” She breathed out, earning a soft moan coming from Dean’s lips.

Turning her over to her back. Hovering over her.

“Damn sweetheart. I missed you.”

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If you liked this story check out my masterlist.

#fanfic #fluff #smut #spn #supernatural #dean winchester #x reader #jensen fucking ackles #jensen ackles #sammy #sam winchester #dean #jared padalecki #spn smut #the boys #spnfandom #spnedit

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deanscherrypie420 · 3 months

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Demons Blood - Part 3

A/N: Hi everyone! This is part three! I kind of.. I don't know, this idea just kind of happened and it went well with the story so... I hope you like it!

Characters: Dean WInchester, Reader Y/N, Sam Winchester, Castiel, Bobby

Pairing: Dean Winchester X Reader

Warnings!: SPN storyline not followed, demons, mentions of Cain, MOC (You see where I'm goin-), blood, ANGSTTT, alcohol, arguing, violence, injury, scarring, betrayal, cursing (Let me know what if I missed anything!)

Summary: You were born a demon. You don't know why, but you have demon blood in your veins. Your dad left when you were young, and you've lived with Bobby ever since. Now, the Winchesters are living with you. Everything was getting better until secrets started being kept. After investigation, you discover a heart-breaking truth that shatters your trust in your new-found family.

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"Y/N, it's almost noon. Get your ass up." Sam scolded, tearing the blankets from her body. She groaned and rolled onto her belly, burying her face into the safety of her pillow.

Sam rolled his eyes and grabbed her ankles, slowly tugging her to the edge of the bed. She whined, flipping over and kicking the giant away. "Okay, okay! I'm up!"

After getting ready for the day, Sam entered her room and urged her out into the dining room. "Sammm! What is your issue!" Her protests filled the dark room and she gave the young Winchester an annoyed look. "Scare me and I'll hurt you."

"Surprise!" The small group shouted as Sam turned the lights on. Shock mounted her features, a gasp escaping from her now parted lips.

Castiel, Bobby, Sam, and Dean- Dean? She gave an awkward laugh and scratched the back of her head. "What's this for? My birthday was like a week ago."

"You really thought we wouldn't celebrate? C'mon! You're the baby of the family!" Bobby boomed, excitement full in his voice. She rolled her eyes and accepted the hug he was now offering her, "Sam is only two years older than me, I'm not a baby!"

After opening the couple of gifts she got, now owning a random rock record and a new pair of fluffy slippers, Bobby and Sam went to get cake from a nearby store.

Dean cleared his throat and gestured towards the record, "You're gonna love it. Swear." She laughed and nodded, "Yeah, I probably won't." The two laughed for a moment, a comfortable silence settling after.

"I'm sorry." The man stated, and her face contorted in response. "For being a dick, y'know. Pokin' fun at you since you were like, what, seven?" She laughed and nodded. "Yeah, it's alright."

The silence filled the room again, a bit more awkward than before. "Dean?" She questioned and he glanced over at her. "Thank you." He raised a brow, taking a swig of his beer before responding, "I mean yeah, you deserve an apology-" She interrupted, shaking her head slightly. "No Dean, thank you for this. For.. For celebrating this, celebrating me. And for the apology, but.." Her voice trailed off, a small, content smile on her lips.

"I get it." He finished for her. She glanced up at him, studying his features. His lips mirrored the smile she had, barely noticeable wrinkles forming around his eyes. He had beautiful green eyes, the vibrant color rivaling even the fullest of forests.

He cleared his throat, a new, teasing grin on his lips. "A photo would last longer." She let out a breath and bit her lip. "Sorry," Was all she could say before he got up and walked towards her, tilting her head up with his thumb.

Her face blossomed with red, the rose color filling her cheeks. He smiled and leaned down, his lips gently brushing against hers. She leaned up and completed the kiss.

It was a brief moment where it was just them, only the sound of their heartbeats and quiet breathing in the room. He smiled into the kiss and her hand cupped his cheek. It was so.. simple, yet so passionate.

Then the sounds of Bobby's boots slammed down against the front porch outside and Dean quickly pulled away. Bobby and Sam entered with a big vanilla cake.

Sam looked at the two of them, Dean was now leaning against the table and Y/N was staring at her feet, which were now engulfed in the pastel pink slippers Sam had gifted her.

"Did we interrupt something?" Sam prodded while Bobby was distracted, preparing the dessert. "No, we were just talking." Dean said quickly, a small glance her way. She nodded in agreement, a bit confused as to why Dean was so secretive.

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Sam had just gotten done lecturing her about the case. "You have to stay in the car. It could be dangerous. It's only gonna be Dean and Bobby going in. You and I stay in the car." She agreed and he eventually left her alone.

It's been a few weeks since the incident between you and the older Winchester. Dean hadn't really spoken to her, and everyone around her was acting strange, especially when it came to the topic of him.

A few hours later they came to a stop at the side of the road. She went to get out but Sam grabbed her wrist, pulling her back into her seat. He was sitting in the back with her so Bobby could have the passenger seat. She rolled her eyes, "Right, alright." She muttered.

After what felt like hours, Dean and Bobby finally returned to the car. "It only took you guys forever. What the hell was that about?" She complained and Bobby immediately turned to her, "Don't start. I don't wanna hear any of your bitchin' right now." He spat at her.

Her face dropped, her breaths quickly turning a bit more shallow. He never raised his voice at her before and he's certainly never cussed at her either. She bit her lip and nodded, unwarranted tears bubbling up in her eyes.

Sam placed his hand on her knee and gave it a gentle squeeze. She turned and gave him a weary smile. Resting her head on his shoulder, her slung his arm around hers.

He always knew when she needed him. When she needed a place to vent, someone to talk to and a shoulder to cry on. He would fulfill that role until his last breath, for as long as she needed him.

For as long as she let him.

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"You can tell they're acting different, right? They're being such dicks! They are obviously hiding something, and they take it out on me." She exclaimed, waving her hands as she spoke to accentuate her point.

Castiel nodded slowly, digesting her words carefully as he tried to come up with a conclusion. "Maybe they stopped liking you." He stated blankly.

"Cas!" She griped and he apologized, "Maybe they are hiding something?" She rolled her eyes and stood up, patting his shoulder as she began to leave the room, "I already know that Cas."

She walked out to the junk yard, the brothers chatting while Dean tinkered with a car. She cleared her throat to announce herself and she noticed how quickly they stirred. Both of them abruptly stopped talking, panic glistening in their eyes. She also noticed how quickly Dean shoved his sleeves down.

What are you two hiding? She wondered.

"Hi boys, hows it goin'?" She asked in a playful tone, quickly earning a glare from Dean. "Y/N, go back inside." Sam ordered with a stern look. She just flipped her hair and rolled her eyes. "C'mon guys, we haven't hung out in forever! Why can't I-"

Deans body quickly became nearly flush with hers, causing her to stumble back a bit. "Get your ass back inside. Now." He demanded, his eyes seeming darker than usual. Y/N was about to speak but Dean pushed her back, snarling down at her. "Go, or I'll drag your ass back inside myself."

She swallowed hard and glared back up at him. "Fine, dick." She turned on her heel and went to storm off, but he quickly grabbed her shoulder and forced her to face him.

"Remember your fuckin' place, Demon."

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"They're gonna kill you." She said as the vessel tied her up. Her wrists were bound so tight, she could feel the circulation cut off. "I highly doubt it, sweetheart." He taunted, kicking her feet to force her legs up. He began tying her ankles and she groaned.

"Don't call me that or I'll kill you myself." She retorted and he quickly pulled a dagger out of his pocket, standing up and kicking her legs flat on the ground. He stepped on her knee and she shouted out in pain, but was quickly silenced when he grabbed her face.

He snickered down at her, tracing the blade carefully up her throat. He then sliced a deep line back down, a scream of agony echoing in the room. "I'd keep your mouth shut, sweetheart."

"She told you not to call her that." A voice stated before the man's throat was cut, blood instantly pooling out of it. Her jaw hung loosely as the body dropped to the floor, another demon quickly appearing behind him.

He threw it to the wall, charging over and tossing it to the ground. The Winchester got down on top of it and slammed his blade to the ground, cleanly slicing the vessel's head off.

"Dean?-" She breathed out and he got up off the ground, staring down at his work for a moment. He then turned and sliced her bindings free. She paused for a moment, examining the knife he was holding.

"Are those teeth?" She questioned, but Dean just grabbed her and practically dragged her out of the room by the arm. When they entered the living room of the house she was appalled by the amount of bodies on the ground.

"Y/N!" Sam yelled urgently, quickly waving Castiel over. When they reached her, she finally pulled her eyes away from the scattered corpses. "Th-" She tried to speak, but she coughed up a mouthful of blood.

Castiels hand quickly wrapped around her throat and healed her, making her a bit woozy. Sam picked her up, whispering something incoherent in her ear before they made their way to the Impala.

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Y/N pondered by the doorway, watching Bobby study a book at the table. He looked up and saw her, nervously biting her cheek and zoning out.

"Hey kiddo, what's up?" He asked, setting his book down and motioning for her to sit down. She pulled out a chair and sat in front of him.

She let out a deep sigh before asking, "Bobby, be honest with me. What's wrong with Dean?" Bobby shook his head, his expression turning grim. "Nothing you needa worry about." He insisted.

"Bobby, he slaughtered a group of demons! Nearly mutilated them! You're telling me that I don't need to worry about that?" She sounded exasperated, begging for him to open up. She was so frustrated with everyone keeping secrets from her.

"He is going through a hard time right now. We are working on fixing it, but you need to stay out of it. I don't want to put you in danger." Bobby said with a stern voice, but a slight tremble laced his words.

"Bobby, listen to me," She pleaded "He has been getting aggressive with me. Yelling, cursing, shoving. If I do not know what is going on, he will be the danger."

Bobby sighed, "Dammit, Y/N." He said as he flicked his head to the side, proceeding to shake it.

"Bobby, please.."

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"How could you! You fucking liars!" She stormed into the younger Winchester's bedroom. Dean's eyebrows raised and he turned to his brother. "Woah, woah, calm down-" Sam started but she screamed over him.

"You all fucking lied to me!" She inhaled, an insane look in her eyes. Streams were flowing down her flushed cheeks and her fists were balled so tight her knuckles were white.

"Y/N, what's wrong?" Cas said, approaching her cautiously. "Did you know he was a demon?" She spat out quickly, an audible "Fuck.." leaving Sam's lips.

Castiels face molded into confusion, a flicker of disbelief in his eyes. "Dean?" He asked quietly, now standing next to Y/N.

"Look, we couldn't tell you-" He began, but she interrupted. "No. No, this is not fair!" She screamed, her voice echoing through the walls. "You have tormented me my whole life. My whole fucking life, Dean!"

She was slowly approaching him now, rage pooling in her eyes and sliding down her cheeks. He slowly stepped back, Sam now trying to calm her down. She silenced him quickly with a shout, "Shut up, Samuel!"

"You- You are a fucking monster!" She hollered. Dean tried to explain himself but she couldn't bear to listen to another word out of his mouth. She reached up and slapped him so hard it made her palm sting. He took it. He understood why she was so enraged.

She tried to unleash more of her wrath, but she was so overwhelmed. Her breath was rapid and her body grew warm. She began walking backwards before she collapsed, sobbing into her hands.

Castiel and Sam quickly fell to the floor next to her, doing their best to comfort her as she fell apart.

How could they do this to me?

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I know...

I've been working on this since like noon and it's almost 7:00pm. oop.. I mean that's not that bad. I hope you guys liked this! I tried really hard to PUSH the emotions so let me know if its too much.

I hope you enjoyed!

Feel free to reblog, like and comment <3

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randomperson99sworld · 3 days

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Ruffled Feathers 🪶

~ Part 24 ~

Summary: Julia Morgan, Bobby's niece, has always been a royal thorn in Dean Winchesters ass since the day they met 1 year ago at Bobby's memorial. She wants to be a hunter, he thinks she's a dumb kid playing dress up. Will she always be seen as an unwanted load in Dean's eyes or will he see something more?

Pairing: Dean x OC

Warnings: Age gap, language, sexual themes (used lightly), physical abuse (Not by Dean).

Word Count: 1,001

A/N: Please note the events won't be accurate to the show as I haven't watched it in a while. Stated as always, this story is cross posted on Wattpad. I hope you've enjoyed the story so far though! Happy reading! ♥️

As they prepared to leave, Dean turned to Julia, his expression serious, the weight of everything on his shoulders. "You're staying back on this one," he said firmly, already bracing for her reaction.

Julia, unsurprisingly, wasn't thrilled. Her eyes narrowed, arms crossed. "Seriously, Dean? Again? I'm not made of glass, you know."

Dean sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I know you're not, but this one's different. It's dangerous—worse than usual. I don't want you getting caught in the crossfire."

"You mean you don't trust yourself because of the Mark," Julia said, cutting to the heart of it. She wasn't stupid. She knew he was more worried about losing control than he was about the case itself.

Dean tensed but didn't deny it. "Yeah, maybe. But either way, I'm not risking it. Just stay here, help out with research."

Julia huffed in annoyance but relented. "Fine. But if you come back in worse shape than the last time, don't expect any sympathy."

Dean smirked faintly. "Wouldn't dream of it."

With that, Dean and Sam left the bunker, leaving Julia frustrated but ultimately worried. She knew something was coming, something big, and Dean wasn't ready for it. None of them were.

After hours of tracking down leads, Sam and Dean finally uncovered that the First Blade had been taken by Cuthbert Sinclair, a rogue member of the Men of Letters who now went by the name Magnus. He had stolen the Blade years ago to add to his collection of supernatural artifacts, hiding himself away in a massive, enchanted mansion.

The brothers managed to locate Magnus and his mansion, and after a tense encounter, they were allowed inside. Magnus was charismatic, but there was a disturbing obsession with his "collection," which he proudly showed off. The First Blade was there, kept under glass like a trophy. But it wasn't long before things turned sour.

Magnus, fascinated by Dean and the Mark of Cain, decided that Dean would be his next prized addition. "You're unique, Dean. The Mark of Cain, that kind of power—it belongs in my collection." His voice was smooth, but his intentions were anything but.

Dean's hand itched, feeling the pull of the Mark as Magnus' words hit him. "I'm nobody's trophy," Dean growled.

Before they could react, Magnus used his magic to freeze Sam in place, leaving Dean to fight off his guards. In the chaos, Dean managed to break free and grab the First Blade. The moment his hand wrapped around the hilt, the Mark flared to life, surging through him with a dark, intoxicating power.

Magnus laughed. "You feel it, don't you? That's the power you were meant to wield."

Dean's grip on the Blade tightened, his vision narrowing as the world around him blurred. The Mark was taking over, pushing him toward violence, urging him to kill.

Sam, still trapped, called out, "Dean! Don't let it control you!"

But it was too late. Dean, consumed by the Mark's influence, swung the Blade with brutal force, decapitating Magnus in one swift motion. The room went silent, and Sam was freed from Magnus' spell, but Dean just stood there, breathing heavily, the Blade still in his hand.

Sam approached cautiously. "Dean, drop the Blade. It's over."

Dean's hand trembled as he struggled to release the weapon, his mind fighting against the overwhelming desire to keep holding it, to use it again.

Finally, with visible effort, he dropped the Blade to the ground, taking a step back as if he'd just come out of a trance. His eyes met Sam's, wide with shock and fear. "It... it felt right," Dean muttered, his voice thick with guilt. "Too right."

Before they could fully process what had happened, Crowley appeared in the room, his usual smug grin in place. "What a mess."

Dean glared at him. "Not now, Crowley."

Crowley's eyes flickered to the Blade on the ground. "I think now's the perfect time, actually." Without warning, Crowley snatched up the Blade, holding it out of reach. "Don't worry, boys. I'll take good care of this until we're ready to go after Abaddon. Can't have you losing your heads—literally—before the big showdown."

Sam stepped forward. "Crowley, give it back."

Crowley shook his head, wagging a finger. "Oh, I don't think so. Not until you've dealt with your little... Mark problem. Besides, I need to make sure you won't turn this on me. Can't have any accidents now, can we?"

Dean clenched his fists, but Sam held him back, knowing there was no use fighting Crowley right now.

Crowley smirked, twirling the Blade in his hand. "Find Abaddon, and I'll return it. Until then, it's mine."

With that, Crowley vanished, leaving the brothers standing in the aftermath of the fight.

Dean ran a hand over his face, the weight of everything pressing down on him. "I don't know if I can do this, Sam. The Mark... it's stronger than I thought."

Sam placed a hand on his brother's shoulder. "We'll figure it out. But right now, we need to focus on Abaddon. One step at a time."

Dean nodded, but the doubt remained in his eyes. The Mark of Cain wasn't just a burden; it was becoming a part of him. And the more he used the Blade, the harder it would be to fight its influence.

Back at the bunker, Julia was waiting anxiously, pacing the library when Sam and Dean returned. The moment Dean walked in, tired and still shaken, she rushed over to him, relief flooding her face. "You're back."

Dean, still worn down from the events with Magnus, managed a tired smile. "Yeah, I'm back."

Julia didn't hesitate, wrapping her arms around him in a quick hug. Startled, Dean froze for a moment before slowly hugging her back, still processing everything. Their usual banter hung in the air, but there was an unspoken understanding between them now—a closeness neither of them wanted to acknowledge just yet.

But for now, they had bigger problems.

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myhauntedsalem · 2 years

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The Superman Curse

DC Comics began life as Detective Comics. Nowadays, like Marvel Comics, its known for its abundance of Superheroes such as Batman, Green Lantern and Wonder Woman. During 1933 two friends, Jerry Siegel and Joe Schuster, combined their imaginations to come up with the Superhero that single-handedly began the entire genre. Five years after selling their idea to Detective Comics, Kal-El, to give him a Kryptonian name, made his debut in Action Comics #1 and went on to not only save the world hundreds of times over, but to dominate it. Quickly becoming an American icon and global phenomenon, Superman spawned an industry that covered everything from television to film franchises to merchandising.

Even before the presses rolled on that first incarnation of the Man of Steel, misfortune was already at play. Both Siegel and Schuster sold more than just the idea to DC Comics; they sold the copyright itself and, for many years afterwards, missed out on all the income that their original concept would create. While the pair did end up with the royalties that they considered that they should have had, it took almost an entire lifetime to accomplish.

What happened to the boys might simply be a case of corporate exploitation and naivety, as they were not the only hopefuls looking to turn an idea into a powerhouse juggernaut of a franchise. They were just among the handful that had the right ideas at the right time.

Since the early days of Superman though, a great many people involved with the legendary superhero have suffered some misfortune or catastrophe. This catalogue of woe simply cannot all be written off as mere coincidence.

George Reeves was one of the first actors to portray Superman in the 1950s television show The Adventures of Superman. He played the title role for 6 years. When he was only 45, Reeves suffered a fatal gunshot wound that was officially ruled as self-inflicted, but many believe that it wasn’t.

Christopher Reeve brought Superman to the big screen in 1978. Eight years after making his final appearance inSuperman 4, George’s namesake was involved in a horse riding accident that left him paralyzed for the rest of his life.

In the same film franchise, Marlon Brando made a cameo as Jor-El. In 1990, Brando’s son was found guilty of the shooting of his half-sister’s boyfriend and sent to prison for a decade. Half way through his sentence, Cheyenne Brando took her own life.

Margot Kidder is best known as Lois Lane. She went missing for several days in April 1996 before being found in a paranoid and delusional state.

Richard Pryor stole the show in Superman 3 in his role as Gus Gorman. Three years after, he was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.

Lee Quigley also had a cameo in the first Superman film in 1978. He was the newborn that was sent to Earth amid Krypton’s destruction. Lee was found dead in his mid-teens due to complications with substance abuse.

Muriel Hemingway appeared in the final Superman film in 1987. Muriel’s older sister, Margaux, was found dead from an overdose of sedatives. Muriel has always refuted this conclusion.

Three members of the production crew for Superman Returns were victims of minor accidents. One was assaulted and mugged. Another fell down a flight of stairs and the third smashed into a glass window. Kate Bosworth, Lois Lane in this reboot, blamed her break-up with Orlando Bloom solely on the curse.

Superman 64 was a video-game that was released to poor reviews on the Nintendo 64. Bad graphics and glitched gameplay are among the negative comments. It has been voted as the worst game ever released on the Nintendo 64 system.

Critics of the Superman Curse will inevitably insist that these instances are nothing more than simply a case of bad luck. Other actors that have been involved in Superman productions have managed to avoid becoming another statistic. Dean Cain has had a successful career after playing his version of the 1990s television Superman series Lois & Clark. The same is true of Teri Hatcher, probably even more so. More modern Supermen Tom Welling, Henry Cavill and Brandon Routh have yet to taste any misfortune due to their involvement in Superman. In fact the latter pair dismiss the idea of the curse outright.

Superman has even appeared on Broadway! The star of the 1966 musical It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane, It’s Superman! was Bob Holiday. According to Holiday, the notion of a curse is a silly one and says that his experiences have been highly beneficial and ‘nothing but good’. After his stint on Broadway ended, he became a very successful businessman in Florida until his retirement.

#The Superman Curse #mystery #cursed #paranormal #paranormal phenomena #ghost and hauntings #ghost and spirits #myhauntedsalem #haunted salem

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caraleedixon · 2 years

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Its on my shoulders no one elses

Clare sat in her room at the bunker, She held her face in her hands and stared at the blank piece of paper in front of her. She knew if she wrote this letter and left that it would kill Dean... But she had to do this. She couldn't handle it, after everything Deanmon had done to her.... She needed to find God and make sure that the mark of Cain would go and stay gone. Clare sighed as she picked up her pen and moved the sheet of paper to write the letter that she knew her boy would hate to read.

My Dear De,

I know that when you were a demon it wasn't really you, trust me lover I know that. But what the demon side of you did.... to Sam... Cas.. me...I need to make it go away so that it never happens again. I'm going to heaven to find where God is. I'm a nephilium and I will be able to find him. I'm am going to get that mark off of your arm if its the last thing I do. Hell, it might be the last thing I do as we both know how God feels about my kind.

De I don't blame you for what the demon side of you did to me, I dont blame you for any of it please know that.

If I do return I hope you don't hate me too much and I hope that we can go back to us. I love you De, I have since I was six years old. That is why I'm doing this. I'm not having my soul mate become a demon again.

I'm sorry and I love you so very much De

Your Angel

~~~~~

Clare folded the paper up and placed it in an envelope, writing Dean's name on the envelope and going to place it on Dean's pillow. She looked around the room and stopped as she saw her favorite picture of her and Dean together.

Clare smiled slowly as she looked at their photo together. She loved Dean more then anything in the world and that is why she was going to do this.

Clare sighed before disappearing with her duffel bag and archangel blade as she heard the Winchester boys walk into the bunker.

"Clare! Angel we're back!" Came Dean's voice as he walked through the bunker. After a few minutes of not finding his girl he walked back through the bunker to Sam. "Hey did Clare message you saying that she was going out?" He asked slowly, Sam pulled out his phone and checked it before shaking his head. Dean took off looking through the entire bunker before running into his room and seeing the envelope on his pillow. Dean stopped short before reaching for the letter and opening it slowly as Sam walked into his room. "It's a letter, from Clare..." Dean said, his voice hoarse as he began to read the letter. He slowly slipped down on his bed as he continued to read it.

As Dean finished reading the letter from his beloved angel, he wiped the tears from his face. "She's gone... She left... went to heaven to find God to get this damn mark off of my arm.... God's gonna kill her.... it was a rule.... Angels cant mate with humans"

Sam watched his brother before sitting down next to him, "Clare has survived all the angels coming after her, She's survived Hell.... all these years of hunting. I'm sure she's got her blade. She'll come back to you, she always does"

Dean sighed before looking over at their picture. "Lets go Sam, We'll call Jody and Cas. She's family Sam, She's a Winchester, We are going to find her and save her ass... Just like she's saved our asses all these years."

"Saving people. Hunting things. The Family Business" Sam chuckled, "And most importantly, we do anything for family"

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goodsoldierandnothingelse · 1 month

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Adventures on Skype with occultamonstri Blockquote: occultamonstri ; plain: me - Takes place in season 10, shortly after Dean reverted back from a demon -

Dean is feeling hella guilty from his time as a demon, especially when it comes to Ry. Ry confesses why she left the first time...

Ry sat curled up in a big comfy chair pulled up to the long table in the center of the room. Books were scattered around, within reach, and one rested on her lap as she scanned through it. Sam had already tried and failed to get her to get some rest. Even if he understood, he wasn't prepared to let her push herself this hard to find a cure for Dean. They needed to take turns, he'd said. But Ry was-- determined. Or stubborn. Maybe both. Either way, she'd set it upon herself to focus on this while Sam and Dean worked on getting Dean back to himself. The sound of footsteps caught her attention and, although she didn't both looking up from the book, she spoke to the intruder. "Nothing you say or do is going to get me out of this chair. Go back to bed."

Dean had been in his room, not sleeping--even though it was close to 4 AM--, researching cases. Or at least trying to. He kept getting distracted. Either by something related to a case, possessions found in his room, or vivid memories from when he was a demon. It was a hard habit to break especially at such a late hour when his brain was even more restless. He finally gave up trying to do anything productive and left the small room. As he past Sam's room he stopped to listen, making sure he was at least getting some rest, before wandering down the halls. He wasn't sure where he was headed exactly but he never reached there. A light in the library still shone, catching his attention, and as he went to shut it off he suddenly became aware of another presence in the area. "What're'ya still doing here, Hollen?" Dean asked, ignoring her command, his eyebrows furrowed deep. "I thought you left hours ago."

"Planned on it," she replied, not looking up still. "Sam suggested I stay for a while." Now she lifted her attention from the tome and offered a small shrug. "Hope that's okay." She wasn't even sure how to feel about Dean right now. They hadn't really talked since he'd been cured of being a demon. Despite Sam-- and a short conversation with Cas-- reassuring her that Dean was himself again, and very much regretted the things he had done, she still didn't quite know what to do around him. Nor did she know what they were, at this point. And from their few interactions, it seemed he was in the same boat there.

There was definitely tension surrounding the pair--especially now when it was just the two of them--and unfortunately it wasn't sexual like they had once been accustomed to. Everything was different now. Even with Sam it was different. Maybe not to the extremity like it was with him and Ry but still, different. He was like hyperaware of Dean's every move, which really just annoyed him but he knew he was just worried; worried, like him, that he still had the Mark. Dean just wished they could get back to normal, so he could feel normal and not like a burden. Unfortunately that didn't seem possible until Cain's tattoo was officially removed. Dean's expression softened a little and he nodded. "'Course." Though he isn't sure why she would want to be here. Not only had she left when he first started changing because of the Mark, but he had beat her to hell and back while he was a demon. Guilt then seemed to break from a dam inside him and quickly flooded his chest with its heavy weight, causing him to frown and shift his frame. "You want anything from the kitchen?"

A sigh shifted through her, and she lifted the book from her lap, resting it on the table with all the rest. Hands moved to rub tired and strained eyes as the silence fell between them. She wasn't able to function enough to keep her search up, and there was no more denying that. She needed caffeine and some food to get her energy level back up. Of course, as was usual, Dean seemed to read her mind and asked if she wanted anything from the kitchen.

"Mmm, I was just thinking I needed something to eat." she commented lightly. Keep it simple, Jack. "You cooking, or am I?"

Dean had been thinking more along the lines of coffee or tea--something warm--but making food would definitely occupy more of his time, and keep his mind and hands busy. "I'll do it," he replied, falling back and making his way into the kitchen. Ry looked like she just might end up falling asleep in the middle of cooking and ruin whatever food before she even had a chance to consume it. He went over to the fridge and grabbed a beer for him, not really hungry himself and already wired enough without the added caffeine of coffee. "Eggs sound good?" he asked Ry as she joined him.

Ry went to the kitchen with him, the silence the only thing that she wasn't comfortable with right now. She stopped a few feet from the stove, cocking her hip against the cupboard and folding her arms across her chest. "Eggs sound perfect. Don't forget the cheese." She watched him in silence for a minute, then decided to venture into unchartered territory. "How're doing, Dean? I mean, really. Don't feed me the drivel you do Sam, either."

Dean tried to anticipate what would happen while he cooked the eggs. Would she try to talk to him? Ask him that age-old, dumbass question ‘Are you okay?’? Or would she just stand there in silence? Letting their awkward tension hang there like a giant hot air balloon? Really, he thought, it depended on her mood. She seemed tired enough that maybe it would be the latter, and maybe she’d end up fallen asleep on a chair. Dean pulled out the eggs and cheese—per her request—and got to work. He had gotten the first few steps done, his hands moving at a skillful pace, when Ry asked that dreaded question and caused him to halt for a moment. His stomach twisted uncomfortably but he tried to ignore it and go back to what he was doing. “‘M fine,” he said gruffly; hollow. That was his automated response, despite Ry saying she didn’t want the bullshit version, but he really didn’t want to dwell on how he was. “No more black eyes, which ya know..is good for everyone…”

Ry simply watched him cook, something she was used to doing and (honestly) enjoyed quite a bit. It was nice to see a man that knew his way around the kitchen, and it made her smile just at the thought. But that was short lived as he replied to her. She sighed, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment, then watching him closely.

"So, for future reference, 'fine' looks a lot like 'complete shit'. Good to know." Her brows lifted. "Wanna give me the truth, or are we pretending like you did and that you haven't been playing it cool for Sam's sake?"

Dean clearly heard her sigh behind him, though he pretended otherwise. Honestly, he hadn’t been looking forward to this conversation—when they were alone and his thoughts inevitably trickled back to that awful day. The idea of facing her, truly facing her, after what he had done seemed impossible. He was convinced that his chest would cave in, crushed by the guilt. And until tonight he thought maybe he was safe, with Ry not wanting to be anywhere near him, but for some reason she remained. Probably for Sam’s sake—the pair of them had seemingly grown closer during his absent—to be there for him if he needed it. That thought hurt a little bit, seeing as it used to be him who had always been there for him, but he couldn’t blame either of them. He had left Sam in the dust, determined to get far away as possible with the King of Hell. Not exactly what you would call dependable. Then there was the whole I’m going to hunt ya down and kill ya with a hammer bit. Which again, not a shoulder you wanna lean on… Ry pulled him from his thoughts as she called him on his obvious bullshit. Dean took a breath and licked his lips, taking his time in answering as he just continued to make the eggs. “I don’t know what you want me t’say, Ry,” he muttered, just loud enough for her to hear. “Obviously I’m doin’ better than I have been.”

Ry bit her bottom lip, brows knitting together at his response. "I'd agree, at the very least." She replied quietly. "Doesn't mean you're doing as well as you're pretending." She added, then turned so her back was to the cupboard, her lower back pressed against the edge. "I get it, though."

It’s easier this way, he thought. If they knew he was already feeling that itch… Sam was already looking at him like he was a bomb, ready for the countdown to start. He didn’t need Ry looking at him like that, too. Or he was fairly sure he might just lose it. “Did it occur t’you that maybe I need t’pretend?” he asked quietly, really not sure if she heard him over the eggs sizzling in the frying pan.

Her lips pressed together, and she nodded. She got it, really. She'd been the same way with people when she'd come back from Hell. Just hide it all away and act like things are golden. Just needed to get away from it all. She cursed inwardly, wishing she hadn't let Sam talk her into staying. It was those damn eyes--

"Even with me?" The words came out before she could stop them. Damn. She cast a sideways look at him, then focused on her feet. "I mean--"

Her unexpected question had him tearing his attention away from the food and his gaze focused on her before he knew what he was doing. Thankfully she wasn’t looking at him, and he quickly returned to the eggs. There was silence for a long moment before he said just as quietly, “Especially with you.” He had probably slipped up the most when he was around her, with her just causing to him open up and feel things he had been sure he wasn’t capable of, and if that happened again, now— He wasn’t sure if his mask wouldn’t just shatter into a million pieces. And he just really couldn’t afford to lose it right now. He needed to find strength, not dwell on his weaknesses, if he could ever have a slimmer of a chance at beating this thing. Silently he scraped the now cheese-y eggs onto a plate and grabbed a fork before setting it on the small table. “Besides, you made your position pretty clear durin’ the first round.” He reached for a glass now and went back to the fridge for the milk.

Something within clenched at his words. She wasn't sure if it was pain or relief. Probably a little bit of both, if she were honest. All she knew was that Dean had made it very clear that he wasn't about to open up to her. And that was going to have to be okay. She nodded slowly in understanding, but stopped as he continued speaking. She found herself literally gulping with his word. Her breath caught in her throat and she had to force it-- and a sudden wash of emotions-- far away.

"I was wrong to--" another gulp. "I said some pretty awful things and that wasn't fair. I wasn't-- wasn't you they were meant for." Maybe some of them were. But mostly she was just angry about other things and he'd been a good target for the emotions.

Dean shook his head. “No, I understand,” he assured, sounding emotionless again, continuing to busy himself with the task at hand. At least in his mind he thought he understood. She couldn’t stand around while he slowly turned into something her instincts told her to kill, and of course he, inevitably but not admittedly hurt, had made damn sure that she had followed through… Probably not in the best way, with them leaving things in a fighting match, but it had worked.—At least until she found out he had died. “It doesn’t matter,” he reassured. “There was still some truth behind them.” He didn’t blame her—of course he didn’t—and on some level he was glad she had decided to leave. He still knew he wasn’t right for her. He set down a glass of milk before it occurred that maybe she just wanted water, and went to get a cup of that, too.

"No," she almost snapped. "You really don't." Her teeth grit together and she closed her eyes to calm herself down. "Some had truth. The rest was-- just my own issues coming out." She said slowly. She stared blankly at the glass of milk, memories flooding her with the emotions that came with them hitting her hard in the gut. Her hand instantly covered her stomach, and suddenly the thought of food had her wanting to vomit. Gulping it all back, she forced the feelings aside, shaking her head as he moved to get something else. "Sometimes I think you forget you and Sam aren't the only ones that go through horrible things." she muttered.

Dean had been avoiding looking at her at all costs, which is why he thought another cup was a good idea, so he missed the body language but heard the frustration in her voice clear enough. He simply shrugged, really not wanting to get into it with her—especially with her as tired as she was—and kept quiet. Really, if he didn’t understand, it didn’t matter now. Like he said she had made her position perfectly clear and the damage was done. He knew things between them would never go back to the way they were before everything went to hell, and he knew he had to accept that. And for the most part he did. Another glass filled Dean shut off the sink, just as Ry muttered the last part. “S’cuse me?” he asked—a fire igniting—and he turned to face her finally. “I know you’ve had your baggage, Ry. I’ve seen what that baggage has done t’you. Don’t think for one second I forgot when you barely made it back t’me alive.” His jaw became more pronounced. “Honestly, I don’t care what you said t’me. You left. That was your choice. Whatever drove you there doesn’t matter. It’s done.”

Suddenly him not knowing didn't matter to her. His words, and the way he spoke them, made her want to throw them in his face and see the pain there. So that, for the first time in months, she wasn't alone in it. Suddenly, his issues with the Mark were nothing compared to her pain and, in hindsight, she'd see how selfish she was in this moment and regret it fully. But in this moment? He deserved it.

"I left because I was pregnant, Dean. With your kid." The words weren't said with kindness. They were spat out with every bit of anger she felt. "I left because I didn't want a child around that... around you the way you were. Because it wasn't safe-- you weren't safe. Nothing I said as an excuse for why I was leaving was true. I love you more than you will ever understand. You have no idea how hard it was for me to leave."

Seeing Ry's expression--the anger; the hurt--was enough to cool Dean down, a tired look for his own appearing and he rubbed his forehead as he sighed deeply. "Ry, I--" He was about to voice that he didn't want to fight, especially over something that hardly mattered anymore, but Ry had cut in and began to yell at him. “What?” His eyes bugged out following the first sentence, only for them to grow even wider the more she spoke, as his brain went into overdrive. Pregnant? His? But hadn't they-- They had used protection.--Right? Wait.--He was going to be a dad? Dean suddenly felt the wind get knocked out of him, and he had to grab the counter for support before his knees gave out too. He felt suspended in that moment, unable to process, or even attempt to understand what Ry had been going through. It was at least two whole minutes before he spoke again. "Are you sure?" That question sounded stupid the second it left his tongue. "I mean-- I thought we were careful..."

The anger she had felt was gone before she even finished speaking. By the end, she sounded tired-- and maybe more than a little hurt. She breathed out a heavy breath as the words that had tumbled out fully registered. Oh God. She hadn't meant for him to know; not now, and maybe never. Some things were better left in the dark. She watched his reaction with wide eyes, her heart racing as she tried to decide what his response was going to be. He looked pale, suddenly, more than he had in weeks. She watched the shock flow over him and he finally spoke. "I'm sure," she muttered, not looking him in the eye. "I thought so too, but there was that night--" She bit her bottom lip shaking her head. How did she fill him in on everything when they had barely spoken since he'd come back? Especially something like this.

As if he hadn't fucked up enough lately, now he finds out he knocked up Ry too. Just fucking frosting on the growing pile of mistakes... God. How-- Stupid idiot. A kid was not something either of them needed. Especially now. With everything-- Oh. Dean suddenly, very clearly, understood Ry's reason for leaving. He had understood before, when he thought she was leaving him because she couldn't sit back and watch him turn into a monster, but it was nothing compared to now. He hadn't been--still wasn't in all honesty--safe, and the last thing anyone would want was to have their kid anywhere near him. Dean shook his head, his eyes still glazed over, not really seeing anything in front of him; his mind just reeling, with no end in sight. "Words can’t...begin t'express how sorry I am," he said, his tone genuine of the remorse spoken. "I never--" His face cracked, jaw clenching, and he looked down at the floor.

She was uncomfortable for so many reasons at this point. She wrapped her arms around herself, but it did nothing she needed it to. She wanted his arms around her, and yet the very thought of him touching her made her squirm. His words pulled her gaze from the floor, brow furrowing. "It's a non-issue." She said quietly. "Don't beat yourself up; it wasn't your fault. It was the mark."

Dean suddenly lifted and slammed a fist down on the counter he was gripping. "Don't," he snapped slightly, warning her not to make excuses for him. "Mark or no Mark-- It doesn't matter." It was his fault; he did this to her, impregnated her with a child that should never exist. Something she said, before, resounded in his mind, making him conscious of it, and he broke free from his head to look up at Ry with a question clear on his face. "What'd'you mean, 'it's a non-issue'?" His face softened a little, coming to a conclusion. "Did you...?" Though, really, if he thought about it, it wouldn't make sense for her to get an abortion if she had been trying to protect it in the first place.

She jumped as his fist made contact with the countertop, a gasp escaping as he did so. She didn't realize until she'd already moved that she backed a step away from him. She gulped, lifting her chin defiantly as he spoke, ready to argue, but his next words hit her in the chest and knocked the wind from her sails. She stared blankly at him, the words there but not coming out. She couldn't say it. Not all of it. Not now. He was already in bad enough shape. She gulped again and shook her head. "I-- I miscarried." Saying the words out loud left her feeling cold. She'd been far enough that she knew the sex. She had a birthday-- tentatively. She'd picked a name. And now-- "I'm sorry."

Dean’s expression softened even more, looking more like his gentler past self than he had in a long time, as Ry explained. Oh… Another surge of emotions hit him at this news. He was sure relief was one of them—though, feeling it made him also feel wrong. He shouldn’t be relieved that a life had been extinguished, especially one that hadn’t even breathed its first breath. But that wasn’t the reason why he felt it. Another feeling was— Loss? Maybe on some level, he supposed. But what he mostly felt was sympathy for Ry. Despite the fact that the kid had been his, it had been hers too. And the way she had said it; informed him that her choice had been made for her, instead of by her… It was obvious she wasn’t taking it lightly. He wanted to hold her then, seeing the clear heartbreak on her face, but he knew he couldn’t do that. Not anymore. Not after…everything. “You’re sorry?” He scoffed lightly. “Ry… You have nothing t’apologize for.” Again, he wanted to hold her—the urge strong. “I’m so sorry… For..everything.”

Her lips pressed together as he responded to her. She didn't want his sympathy or apology. She wanted him . To hold her, to show her he felt more than pity for her over this. And still, she wanted at the same time to punch him square in the junk. He deserved it more than he even knew, or would ever know. And while it wasn't his fault, not really, she hated him in some way for being the cause of her joy and then her unimaginable pain. She shook her head, releasing a sigh.

"No--" her voice cracked with emotion. "Please don't apologize. None of-- s'not your fault, Dean."

Dean furrowed his brow, frowning deeply, hating that she was still trying to defend him, but he forced himself to keep quiet so he wouldn’t snap again. He hadn’t wanted to lose his temper with her in the first place, and he certainly didn’t want to now. Not with that look on her face that caused Dean’s chest to burn. He had to cross his arms together so he wouldn’t reach for her as he spoke quietly but there was still anger, “It should never have happened…” A lot of things shouldn’t have happened… He glanced down at his rolled up cuff, right where he knew the Mark to be. The tension it gave him was beginning to make his muscles tauten tighter, and Dean knew he’d have to do something soon to take the edge off. “Listen—you should go t’bed,” he said, a lot more gently now, glancing up. “Get some sleep.”

Her brows lifted at his response, but she had focused on his body language while he watched her and spoke. She huffed out a sigh and shook her head again. "No, you're right. But it did, and it's over with." She said flatly, adding a shrug in. But his suggestion had a chuckle slipping out. "At this point I couldn't sleep if I tried." She admitted, grabbing the eggs he'd made for her and the glass of milk. "Besides, I've gotta figure out how to get rid of that mark of yours." She added as she headed back to the library.

Ry got frustrated with him, he could hear and see it clearly, but he couldn’t accept her words--that it wasn’t his fault—so far from the truth in his opinion. It honestly angered him more that she thought otherwise, but she was not easily swayed once her mind was made up. The emotion in her voice had changed so drastically in just a few seconds, turning cold and flat as if to slap him in the face with its vibrations, before she laughed mockingly at his nudge. Grabbing the plate of the now cold eggs and the glass of milk she turned tail and left him alone, a statement trailing behind her. Before Dean even knew he moved he suddenly had his hand gripped on Ry’s arm, staring intensely down at her.

She felt her heart leap into her throat as his hand wrapped around her arm. It took every ounce of self restraint that she had not to drop the food and milk in order to fight back. She took a calming breath and slowly lifted her gaze to meet his, the question clear enough on her face before it escaped her lips. "What are you doing?"

Dean blinked, his expression soften slightly, as he made a deliberate decision to unwrap his hand from her flesh and take a step back. He hadn’t meant to do that—just wanting her to stop. He looked back at her, a grimace on his lips as he voiced his own question, “Why are you still here, Ry?” It was clear that he didn’t mean this night specially, but he didn’t understand, after all he put her through…

She watched the emotion on his face, then looked down as his hand dropped from her arm. She looked back to his face as the question filled the space between them and she suddenly didn't have an answer. Not one that made sense. But since when had anything about this made sense?

"Sam asked for my help." She replied. "I'd do anything for you two. You know that."

Dean shook his head, “You don’t owe us anything.” Him especially. “Sam had no right t’ask that.” Even if Ry had by some chance offered he should’ve let her go, and cut her off from this mess before it caused her even more damage. Though, really, how much more was there to be damaged? She had practically been handed an exploding bomb. “This is my problem. I’ll deal with it.” Somehow—maybe. “You’ve done more than enough."

"This isn't just about you. Or Sam. If you go-- back to that ? There's a whole mess of people it impacts." She had her orders, anyway. He didn't need to know that. "And I'm not watching the-- not watching you go through that again." She added with a little less bite. "I don't think my-- I could."

There was the slightest of winces at Ry's mention of his previous self and all danger that came with him, and he had to tear his gaze away for a moment. The memories he had while he was that thing she spoke of haunted him deeply, and he truly scared himself to know of the things he was capable of. And how easy it would be for him to slip up and become that again. His gut twisted as that fear washed over him, all but drowning him. "'M not asking you to," he said suddenly, after silence had followed for a quick second when Ry finished. His green eyes caught hers. "An' I promise you--I won't let myself become that again," he said firmly, shaking his head. No. Not again.

"No, you're not. You don't have to ask me to be around." She shrugged. "I just-- am." She gulped as his eyes met hers, and she licked her lips as the emotions hit her from that one look. "I believe you," she said softly. "But if there is anything I can do to help ensure that, I'm going to do it."

Dean continued to frown as he listened to her replies, not liking that she continuing to remain because of a problem he created. Hadn't he caused her enough suffering? "An' what if there isn't anything?" he asked, his glare turning more intense. "What if the answer isn't in some book? What if-- What if there isn't an answer?" A wave of fresh fear crept over him then, that question having made rounds in his head before but never had he voiced it. He tried swallowing and taking a breath. "All I'm sayin' is... Haven't you lost enough?"

A sigh escaped as he finished his reply, her eyes closing against the frustration that rose through her. Once she'd opened them again, she focused her gaze back on Dean and offered a sad smile. "I've lost a lot, yeah." she started. "Probably more than I should have. But-- you're still here. Sam is still here." She shrugged. "S'enough for me." Because, despite what Crowley said, she loved them. They were her family. And she wasn't going to lose them if she could help it.

Dean looked away, his own frustration flaring up. It was like she was continuing to swim in a shark infested ocean after being bit and chewed and spat back out, several times. Did she not see that? Did she not care? Why didn't she care about what was better for her? Or safer? It drove him mad when she continued to tempt fate like this. "It shouldn't be," he muttered quietly, more to himself than her. It was stupid of her to latch her life line to theirs, and there was no way it ended well for her. But no matter what he said or did she remained stuck in her ways.

She watched him, her frustration rising further as he responded. She could tell it wasn't exactly meant for her, but it didn't matter much seeing as she'd heard it. Another sigh escaped and she turned and walked back to the counter to set the eggs and milk down. She moved back to where he stood, closing the distance between them enough to reach up and grab his chin in her hand, forcing him to look at her. "When are you going to get it through you thick fucking skull that people are allowed to love you, just as you love them? That you aren't going to push everyone away no matter how hard you try?" Her brow furrowed as she looked at him. "Stop being an idiot and trying to push us all away."

Ry huffed another sigh, sounding annoyed, as she moved past him, back into the center of the kitchen. Instead of just pissing her off further, which he was sure to do, Dean thought it best if he went back to his room--or maybe to head down to the range for he was even more restless now than he had been before this whole deal unfolded itself. But before he moved even a step Ry was in front of him, blocking his path and actually reaching for his face. Not to hit him, which would have been a safe bet, but to hold his chin and force him to look down at her determined force. At first shock flickered through him but he quickly readjusted himself. Taking her wrist--though he was careful not to be rough--he pushed it back from his face and took a step back, widening the space between them, as he took his turn to say his piece. "If bein' an idiot saves you then I don't care," he shook his head defiantly. "Ry, I won't have you hurt again. But you stayin' here only ensures that. Why can't you see that?"

"Stop." She snarled. "I am far past being saved. Have been since before you met me, so don't even try that heap of bullshit on me." She pursed her lips, arms crossing over her chest as she looked at him. "Getting hurt is part of the job-- part of life. And I can't see it because you're wrong."

Dean didn't believe that. Not for one second. She was still breathing which meant she still had a chance. But staying here--with a ticking time bomb--was going to take that chance and crush it into dust, along with everything else in his path. "God damnit, Ry," he cursed, his voice rising with his growing frustration. "If you think I have a thick skull maybe you should have a CAT scan!" He wasn't giving her bullshit, but she was definitely giving him some and he couldn't understand why. "Then maybe we could see what's got you so messed up in the head that you won't even try to protect yourself!"

She'd had enough. She didn't care anymore about what had happened before, didn't care that he was still so broken and so far from being himself. She reached out and grabbed his shirt, pulling him to her. She stood on her toes and kissed him the way she'd wanted to for weeks, holding back nothing. Only stopping when she needed to catch her breath, she looked up at him and scowled. "I love you, you asshole. And I'm not going anywhere."

Dean had instinctively leaned back, either thinking she was going punch him or not wanting her too close in case he suddenly blew up he wasn't sure, but he couldn't have anticipated what she did next. Grabbing a tight hold of his t-shirt she roughly pulled him to her, catching him off balance, and sealed their lips together. Dean swore his heart stopped as his eyes widened at the shock. He would've questioned it if he wasn't already gathering her in his arms and returning the kiss with so much force that he was sure he would leave bruises. They probably would've remained entangled for much longer had it not been for needy lungs and were forced to come up for air, but even as they gasped for breath Dean made no move to relinquish his hold on her. His eyes bright as he took her in, really took her in, for the first time since--he couldn't even remember when--as if he couldn't believe this was reality and not some dream he was afraid to wake up from. Her words didn't sense. It never made sense for her to love him, but it especially now didn't make sense. "Why?" he asked, unable to stop himself. He shook his head, his face falling back into a frown. "What I did t'you..."

"I don't honestly know why," she admitted. "But I do. And I know you feel the same even if you're too damn stubborn to say it. You've shown me that enough. And all that outweighs anything else." Her lips pressed together as she considered her next words. "Dean, I don't know what's in store for you, Sam or me. I don't know who or what might decide to aim at us next. But I do know I'm stickin' around until there ain't no me left to stick around." Maybe it was stupid. Maybe it was beyond stupid. But she knew it was the truth, despite their worst moments-- the best moments were what made her stay. Made her want to be around him even when he didn't seem to want her. And even if he rejected her right then, sent her away because he was too damn insecure to accept her words, she'd keep coming back.

His emotion filled eyes watched her closely as she answered him, her appearing to be just as clueless as he was to the reason why she felt anything besides hatred towards him. He had been so sure he had destroyed every last ounce of affection ever felt between them, but here he was, by some miracle, holding her again. With her saying she loved him. God, he could live a thousand lifetimes and never deserve her. But, despite that… “Okay,” he breathed once she was done, letting it settle for a moment as he took a breath. “Feels like ‘M just wastin’ my breath, anyway, tryin’ t’convince you do otherwise…” A corner of his lips twitched just slightly with a smile before it disappeared. “But if things start t’go south again… I don’t want you anywhere near me. Understand? I want your ass on the next plane out of here.” His tone was firm but his eyes pleaded with her, not ever wanting to hurt her again. Just the idea of it causing him to loosen his current grip on her, feeling like he might just do so now accidentally. “You an’ Sam. Oceans away.”

Relief filled her when he didn't fight her. When he didn't argue that she needed to go anyway. She needed to stay, for multiple reasons. The thing that got her most was how in awe he seemed that she was even fighting to stay. Truth be told, she was kind of surprised at herself, but this is the sort of thing that happened when she let her emotions take control rather than thought something through. It was probably going to bite her in the ass later on but-- "All right," she agreed. "I'll haul his lanky ass to Italy if it happens." She reached up and cupped his cheek with one hand, brow furrowing. "But it isn't going to happen."

Dean had a feeling, even as he said it, in the moment neither Ry or Sam would follow through on that. Despite Ry’s verbal acceptance. Because he knew, if positions were reversed, he wouldn’t. Maybe he could get Cas to be his insurance— He had to talk to him about if that were to happen anyway, with him the only one who would actually stand a chance against him… A soft hand gliding against his cheek to cup it pulled him back to Ry, an assurance on her lips that only felt like a hollow promise to him. Of course he hoped, he hoped they would find something, but there was also the possibility that they wouldn’t. And he was almost certain if they didn’t find a cure soon…it’d be too late. He gently laid a hand over hers, grasping it lightly but leaving it there as he closed his eyes and breathed deep. “I’ve missed you,” he whispered quietly, but if listened closely to one could hear a second, hidden meaning in his words.

Ry let every bit of emotion fill her features as his hand covered hers. Her gaze took in every bit of his image before her. The last time she had been this close to him, he had been far from attainable. He hadn't even been himself. But now-- he was back. He was her Dean and she wasn't going to let him leave her. Not again. "Bet I missed you more," she whispered, sighing softly. She'd honestly never thought she'd ever be this close to him again. To feel him hold her.

Dean shook his head a little. “Not possible,” he breathed, again smiling ever so slightly before it vanished without a trace. Slowly his eyes pried open, blinking as he saw that Ry’s walls had come down and allowed the chance to read. It was hard, however, to sort through them all, with her apparently feeling just as mixed up as he was. The dominant seemed to be an overall sadness, for both of them, just maybe for entirely the same reasons. It would probably take some effort for them to get past it, but as of yesterday Dean would have never thought there would be a ‘them’ again. He wanted to kiss her again; to make things better, but he wasn’t sure if that was a good idea or not…

She smirked slightly at the response he gave, knowing that it was definitely possible, but she decided not to argue. As she took in his features-- a precaution she found herself doing in case she lost him again to the mark-- he opened his eyes and looked at her. From his expression, she knew he'd seen more in her features than she had ever meant him to and quickly slid those emotions back inside where they belonged. A small smile formed and she brushed her thumb lightly along his cheek before sliding her hand free and dropping it down to his chest. There, she focused on his heartbeat. Knowing it was there was more comforting to her than she thought she had words for. "What now?" she wondered, looking back up and meeting his gaze.

Dean watched her reconstruct the wall that kept back her emotions—an action he was fairly familiar with—and smile lightly. It was nice to her smile, even if it was small it was definitely better than the heartbreak he had seen earlier… His grip tightened, more firmly than it had, around the hand on his face. He hated seeing her like that; hated even more knowing he caused it. He never wanted to cause her pain—yet it seemed like that’s all he did lately. To her and Sam. He was frowning when Ry finally broke the silent session of them just soaking each other in after so long apart. “Did you mean in general, or right now?” In general he wasn’t at all sure, but for right now he wanted her to get some rest.

Ry twitched her nose in thought as he tossed the question at her. She kind of meant both, if she were honest. She had no idea what to do. She'd reacted with emotions and now that they had dulled down a little she was starting to panic. How would they ever truly get past this and get to where they were fully comfortable with each other again. But instead of voicing this, she pursed her lips and shrugged. "Both?" Her eyebrows lifted and she gave a cheesy smile.

“Well, that’s helpful,” Dean muttered in a teasing way before he took a deep breath. “Did you still want your food, or do you think you can sleep?” He avoided answering the other question, because again he wasn’t sure himself, so he made quick to handle the present. “I can make up your bed if you want.”

She let out a sigh, knowing she needed both food and sleep. "Food first, then sleep?" She suggested. She wasn't sure she wanted him to stop holding her, just in case (for some reason) it was the last time. But she knew that was foolish.

Dean nodded, finally letting go of her completely now, instead of somewhere in-between like he had, torn between wanting her close and wanting her safe from him. If things between them were to somehow mend, it was going to be difficult to find some sort of balance. For now though Dean would follow her cues, knowing she still remembered that day as well as he did, and the last thing he wanted was to push anything. Lastly, he withdrew her hand from his face, holding it for a moment longer, before letting go of that, too, and walking back down into the kitchen. He took the plate and scraped the eggs back into the frying pan to reheat them.

She remained there, taking deep calming breaths as he walked away from her. She was torn between wanting him to hold her again and being relieved he wasn't close enough to feel her shaking. She couldn't let emotions take control again. Not now. She calmed herself, tucking away everything she didn't need back where it belonged and only forced herself to move again when she heard the scrape of the spatula on the frying pan again. Stopping back where she'd watched him making eggs the first time around, Ry glanced around the kitchen a moment before looking back at him. "You always look like you belong in the kitchen," she noted as she watched him. "You ever consider doing more of it? Like-- to make some extra money?"

While Dean adjusted the burner to a lower setting, not wanting the eggs to burn, he was thinking about how things had just changed so drastically in such a short time, from when he was first making these eggs. He had been so sure Ry hated him,--because why wouldn't she? The fact that she didn't, that she claimed to love him instead, was enough to make his head spin. Did she mean it? Or was she expressing old feelings that had stirred up due to being around him again? She was such an enigma to him, despite having spent quite a bit of time with her, and sometimes he wished he knew what she was thinking, if just to have a better understanding. Maybe he'd ask Sam. He had always been better at all the feelings and empathy stuff. Plus he had been closer to her lately than he had... Ry gave a comment, pulling him out of his head, and Dean furrowed his brows, not sure what to make of it. Was that a compliment or an insult? Again, it was hard to tell anything with her. But her tone made him think the former, with her just making casual talk. "Uh.--Truthfully, I've never thought about it." Like, ever. It had always been just a necessary skill for him to have, what with his dad leaving for long periods at a time, leaving him to fend for not just himself but for Sammy as well. It had only developed with him, learning new stuff as he got older and what taste good and what didn't. It helped to have a willing participant to critique, too. "But, I dunno... I don't think I'm that good." Not to make money off it. He was more confident in entering fighting matches to make some extra cash if he needed it.

"Have ever tried one of your burgers?" Ry wondered when he finished. "They're better than any I've ever had, and I'm not just saying that." Honestly, she thought Dean was an amazing cook. Put a little more practice into him and she was sure he could make a nice bit of money from it. "It was just a thought, anyway." she added with a shrug and picked up the (now warm) glass of milk, taking a few drinks of it before she set it back down and moved to the freezer where she'd stashed a bottle of Irish Crème. Adding it to her milk and stirring it in, she tried to decide what to say next. This whole-- not ignoring him thing was harder than she thought. It wasn't as easy talking to someone you weren't sure you ever wanted to be around again a few weeks before. "I guess I just thought a change would be good for you." She added as she put the bottle of liquor away.

“Well, yeah. Obviously, but—“ But he still stood by his statement. Though it was apparent Ry didn’t, with her cutting him off and claiming that she wasn’t being nice when saying that they were the best she’s ever had. Dean was still doubtful. Not that he thought she’d lie to him; more…due to the circumstances, a Hunter’s palate wasn’t as refined as the average folk. At least, that’s the logical theory he was sticking with, and the reason he thought the way he did. Only adequate to a small group. But he knew better than to voice any of it to Ry, knowing that she wouldn’t understand and maybe accuse him of being modest. Which is something he rarely was, if ever. Dean returned to the eggs, and in the next moment turned off the burner, deciding they were once again warm enough for consumption. Silence had once again fallen between the pair, and yes, while not as awkward as before, it was still obvious they had a long way to go before things could ever go back— Or at least for them to be comfortable around each other. A grimace fell onto his lips at Ry’s added, after-thought comment, thinking another change was the last thing he needed right now. He was having enough trouble keeping up as it was. Just a couple of months ago he had died and come back a demon. And now he was trying to readjust to being human again, and all the emotions that followed. Including dealing with how he felt about Ry, and what she felt for him, and whether or not it was safe for her to even be here at all, but also not wanting to push her away anymore ‘cause he hated fighting with her and just wanted to hold her… God. And the fact that he impregnated her. That was a whole entire thing by itself, and he didn’t even know how to begin to deal with that… His actions had ceased, with him just staring blankly at nothing, as his muscles once again had started to tauten.

She watched him silently, realizing that what she said must not have gone over well internally for him. She watched him tense, seeming to completely forget where he was or what he was doing. Biting her bottom lip a moment, she contemplated whether to pull him out of it or not. Of course, standing there awkwardly was definitely not on her list of things to do that night, so she took a slow, deep breath, then reached out and splayed her hand lightly over his bicep. "Dean?" She kept her voice calm and gentle, in case she startled him. "Hey, you okay?"

Dean jumped, despite the calmness Ry spoke with, and instantly recoiled away from her touch, taking a few steps back. “Don’t,” he warned, a slight tremor in his voice. “S-stay back.” He wasn’t at the point of explosive yet, but even so he could feel the rise, steadily growing with each consuming thought. It struck fear in him, especially with Ry near by, which really only made things worse.

Ry's hand came off his arm as though she'd touched the hot stove. Eyes wide, she stood rooted to the spot, both wanting to run and get Sam and also doing what she could to help. The sound of fear-- mixed with something else-- was what had her on edge. "Is it the Mark?" She wondered, voice barely audible as she watched him closely for any sign he might lash out.

Dean shut his eyes tightly, trying to get his breathing and heart rate to come down before he did actually go off the handles. In the back of his mind he wondered if he was more scared now than before when he didn’t know what to expect. Not knowing was of course maddening but having the knowledge that there was a monster just lying there beneath the surface, ready to re-claw its way back, was something that Dean had been having nightmares about every night since he had been changed back. He was suddenly deeply regretting saying that Ry could stay here, also knowing that this was only to get worse for him if they didn’t find a cure, and soon.

A tiny whisper came from Ry, asking him a question he didn’t want to confirm but it was already obvious. Especially the deep grimace that fell on his lips as he took another step back. “‘M sorry…”

Her lips pursed as he stepped away more, apologizing of all things. She let go of that little bit of fear she felt, wanting nothing more than to calm the rage rising through the man before her. She touched the power she housed with her mind, pulling at it to do for Dean what it did so well for her; calm the fire inside, heal unseen wounds. It wouldn't be enough to calm it for good, but it would last for a little while. Some peace. She knew she couldn't do it all the time for him. But right now? They both needed it.

"Dean," she said softly, stepping close and grabbing his face with her hands. "You look at me. You are a good man, with an amazing heart. This rage, this fire burning in you, It isn't you. You can control this." With the word control, she poured that little flicker of power into him, aiming it for whatever the Mark was doing to him. She didn't know what she'd say if he realized what was happening, but in that moment, she only cared about him.

Dean had been facing the floor, his eyelids closing and opening for small periods at a time as he still struggled with getting his heart rate down, so he hadn’t seen Ry approach before it was too late and she was holding his head between her hands. A flicker of shock, then fear, then determination flipped like pages on his face as he tried pulling away. “Ry, get back—“ Although he still felt somewhat in control he knew better than to risk it, and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her. Again. He would’ve said as much, too, but Ry was interrupting and he clamped his jaw, keeping back the enraged shout from erupting because he knew it would ramp up what he felt inside. His muscles were taut as he looked down at Ry, forcing himself to remain a cage, and tried to follow her words. Of course, he didn’t believe her, not completely; because while yes, the Mark was ultimately the thing to blame, it was really only bringing out the monster in him. His monster, him. But even though those thoughts were swirling around in his mind he suddenly found like he could breathe more easily. Muscles relaxing as the power from the Mark seemed to diminish into nothing and a calmness washed over him. His expression turned confused, not understanding why it felt like the Mark’s battery had just run out, like it wasn’t even there anymore. Blinking, he looked back to Ry, silently asking the same question he was asking himself, and lifted his hand to see that it was in fact—still. A soft scoff left his lips. “I don’t…” He recaptured Ry’s gaze. “I don’t know what just happened. But I feel— fine, now.”

She waited for him to focus on her fully before she dropped her hands from his face, screwing her expression up into confusion at his words. "What do you mean?" She wondered, her brow furrowing. "Are you-- okay?" She needed to know for multiple reasons, but mainly to be sure that he was truly past the Mark's grip, for now.

“Yeah,” he answered, sounding surprised. Usually he needed to blow off some steam for him to return to a relatively normal state again. How was it he was able to come back so quickly on his own? “I don’t know. It’s like— The battery died on this thing.” He pulled up his sleeve cuff, running his fingers across the distinctive scar, his brows just furrowing more. “That’s never happened before. Least not that quickly…” Dean looked back to Ry, his emerald eyes searching for an answer to a question that popped into his head but couldn’t brave to ask it out loud for how absurd it sounded. Her touch and presence had often calmed him before…but her hold over him, to believe that it was stronger than the Mark’s? Even to consider that possibility for a moment meant that he must really—love her. By now, despite himself, he couldn’t deny anymore that he did. They had gone through so much shit that he knew that’s how he felt about her, but he guessed he didn’t realize just how much until now. Another soft scoff escaped him, his lips upturning slightly as he shook his head.

She blinked up at him as the emotions shifted over his features. She was careful to keep her expression schooled, and slowly allowed relief-- something she didn't have to pretend at-- flood over her completely. His expression changed little by little until he didn't look like a deer caught in headlights any longer. Her hands hesitantly reached out to touch him, one wrapping around his arm while the other slid up his chest.

"You're okay?" she wondered. "It just stopped?" Inwardly, she felt glad to calm the storm, even if for a short period. She needed him to be 100% himself right now, and the Mark didn't allow for that. "Should I get Sam?"

Dean watched her reach out, unsure about the actions; whether that was due to fear or maybe she thought he didn't want her to he wasn't sure, but he remained still, letting her decide. Her touch finally came, both on his arm and chest, and his own twitched to do the same to her but he didn't want to push it. He still didn't know why or how the Mark's power had subsided, but he was sure whatever had happened wouldn't last forever; it anyone's guess when it would wear off. Ry again asked if he was okay, apparently needing the reassurance, but considering Dean was just as perplexed as she was he understood. "Yeah. No." He shook his head against the idea of waking up Sam. "It's okay. Like I said--I don't know what happened. Usually I need t'kill somethin' t'feel like this. To feel...just calm."

Ry watched him carefully, nodding when he answered her questioning. "Good," she said at last. "Try not to worry about it-- I'd just be thankful." She lifted her brows, searching his expression for anything other than the confusion she was finding. "So, you wanna try eating those eggs again? They're gonna get cold-- again." She was relieved to not have to wake Sam. Right now, she needed to focus on Dean. Both because she needed to make sure he stayed calm, but also because she just needed to be near him. To get readjusted to his presence. And to just-- be with him. Despite how much she'd wanted to be away from him before, now she wanted back what they'd had before the Mark-- and Metatron-- took him away from her.

"Yeah. Right," he muttered, sounding a little bit distracted as his brain worked to find an explanation. One that didn't make him sound like a character straight out of The Notepad or some romantic shit like that. But he wasn't given much time to toss around ideas when Ry was asking him if he wanted to try eating again--for the third time--and he left his mind. "Oh. Right." He gently pulled back and went back to the stove, thankful he had shut it off before slipping down the rabbit hole. Grabbing the plate he once again filled it with the eggs and handed it off to Ry to take. "If they're cold again let me know."

"Sure," she replied as he handed her the plate. She didn't plan on it, but she'd make him think she would. She went and found a seat, pouring a little salt on the eggs. Her milk was half gone and, while she knew she'd done it, she barely remembered doing so. "Funny," she said after a few minutes. "This place is starting to feel like-- well, home." Her brows furrowed as she looked around the room. "I missed it when I was on the road again."

Dean had taken to remain standing, because again he didn't want to cross any lines, and let Ry eat in peace. He had also reclaimed his once forgotten beer, gulping it down as he fell back into his thoughts. His gaze would shift between the Mark and Ry and the floor, cycling for a few turns until Ry broke the silence. Her comment brought a minuscule smile to his lips but it didn't last. Both too weak to begin with and her added sentence didn't help either. Was that what she was calling it? "'M surprised you feel that way," he muttered just loud enough, casting a glance at her.

Her brows lifted and she focused on him. "Huh?" Confusion filled her features. He seemed fine for a moment and then-- A frown formed and she absently moved the eggs around her plate. "Why wouldn't I feel that way? After all the time I've spent here and come here after cases to recoup, and just spending time relaxing. Not to mention you an' Sam." Technically, she had Glen's place. It was all hers, per his will, including the garage. She wouldn't deny she'd hid there for a while after the miscarriage. But Dean didn't need to know that. It was depressing.

Her points were also his. Memories haunted this place, and lately, it felt like the bad ones had swallowed up any good, darkening the place considerably. The place he too once called his home had become tainted, and he wasn't sure if it could ever be scrubbed clean. Then there was yes, him and Sam. Sam hadn't done anything to her, but him? Oh, he had done a whole number. The list so long now that he had been so sure she wanted nothing more to do with him. In fact he was convinced until not too long ago. Ry, by some fluke, claimed to still love him, just as he did with her. And while he wasn’t entirely sure she meant it, but just felt remnants of their past, his conviction had been splintered. Even so, he had done nothing as of late to provide comfort that would make the place where he resided like a home to her. If anything he too had darkened it. But Dean said none of this to her, choosing to remain silent and let that just be his answer as he returned back to his puzzle.

Ry watched him in silence for several moments before she focused on her food. She finished the eggs a few minutes later, then finished the milk. She was sleepy, but she was almost afraid to go to sleep lest she wake and find she had dreamed this night. That she and Dean were still at odds--

"Can I show you something?" She asked suddenly. "I mean, it's nothing super important. I just-- I've had it for you for a while..." She wasn't sure it was the best time. But things had been said and she really just needed it out of her possession and where she had intended it to go.

Dean had been going through different scenarios, trying to think logically, but he was having difficulties since he had gone through this once before and nothing seemed to add up. He checked his watch, noting that Sam should be up soon. Maybe Boy Wonder would have some theories and be able to shed some light. Until then--he’d focus on Ry and make sure she got some sleep while he still had this moment of clarity. Ry piped up then, asking him a question and drawing his gaze back to her. His brows raised in intrigue, then slowly drew together as the abrupt question somehow developed into a gift for him. He couldn’t begin to imagine what it was, or why she even had something for him, or why she still did after everything. “Uhm..." He cleared his throat, shaking his head. “Just, uh.. Just throw it out. It’s fine.”

Ry felt herself getting lightheaded at Dean's words. She didn't know how to convey to him that it wasn't something she could just throw away. Of course, she really didn't need to think much, as her mouth often took care of things for her.

"No, Dean." Her voice was soft, but firm. "I'm not going to throw it away. It's important, and I'd like you to have it. Please." She wasn't sure if it was the exhaustion, or the need for him to stop giving her that damn look, but she knew for sure he wasn't going to get out of this that easily.

More confusion spilled into his expression. She had just told him that it wasn't anything important, and he honestly didn't want to accept any gifts from her when they were in such a weird, unfamiliar state with each other, but there was a good chance that Ry wasn't going to just let it go, especially considering her insistence. He reached up to scratch the back of his neck, letting the movement fill the silence as he debated. "Okay," he breathed finally. "Will you go t'sleep then?"

She hadn't wanted to make a big deal out of it, but when he was so damn stubborn she didn't have much of a choice. Play it off as nothing hadn't worked in her favor, so the truth came out. Now he was (sort of) agreeing. She pressed her lips together, giving a short nod of agreement to his terms. "Yes, fine."

He nodded, licking his lips then proceeded to bite at them, before he moved over to where she sat and lifted both her plate and glass from the table. He put them into the sink but planned to wash them later, after he took care of Ry. Making his way back over to her he gestured for her to lead the way and he'd follow.

Suddenly she was filled with nerves. Watching him walk away with her dishes, she found herself all but shaking at the idea of handing him what she had so lightly referred to as a gift. As he made his way back, she nodded slowly, pushing up out of her chair and leading him to the garage. She passed the cars parked there and made her way to her Firebird-- which she was more than happy to have back on the road, finally. "I wasn't sure if I'd have a chance to give it to you," she said as she opened the passengers door and popped open the glove box, pulling out a yellow envelope and standing up. She stared at his name, scrawled on the front, before she stepped back and closed the car door. "But since I have it now--" She handed the envelope to him, lump forming in her throat as she watched him open it. Inside was the last ultrasound she had before she lost the baby. At the top, the baby's name Baby Winchester was printed. There were other things printed, one of which showing that the baby had been a girl. On the bottom, in Ry's writing was: Caden Mary Winchester.

As he walked behind her Dean could feel the tension rolling off her, and at first he thought it was because of how unclear things still were between them, but upon closer inspection that assumption didn't seem to quite fit. Despite him being just a foot or so away her fidgeting and nervous energy didn't appear to be because of him but rather the object that she was in quest of. Her pace would quicken and then slow without her seeming aware of it, all the way to the garage and to where her car sat parked. By this time Dean was feeling a bit uneasy himself, having contracted her vibe and wondering what it could be. "I wasn't sure if I'd have a chance to give it to you," Ry told him, making Dean frown as his mind provided the appropriate reasons as to why she had felt that way. "Ry... I don't know if... Maybe we should just wait." It didn't feel right, accepting a gift from her, when she should really be damning him to Hell right now. Why was everything so backwards with her? Why did she care for him at all after what he did? Why-- Ry was handing him a medium-sized document envelope; his name printed on the front, and Dean was suddenly unnerved. He wasn't sure why, he didn't even know its contents yet, but again, Ry's anxiety had rubbed off on him. Dean took a deep breath and pushed past his glaring surname, opening the package. A single slip of glossy paper was enclosed and Dean tilted the envelope until it fell out onto his hand. It took him about two seconds to realize what it was, and about another two to feel a deep-rooted pain erupt from his chest. It was intense enough to cause his eyes to water, especially as they ran over the words printed with the photograph, and suddenly Dean could comprehend what Ry had gone through. Seeing it-- Her... It finally hit him. And man, did it. He suddenly couldn't stop the tears that trailed down his face.

She watched and waited in silence, having ignored him when he spoke. This needed to happen, now, in case somewhere along the line the parted ways and this time for good. She needed him to have it, no matter what became of them. That feeling was stronger as he tried in vain to convince her to keep it, not knowing what it was. That alone made her want to give it to him without hesitation.

He opened the envelope, stared at the ultrasound image, and that's when it all began. She saw the realization, the sorrow and the loss. She saw it before the tears, but felt it as she watched him mourn their lost child. Mourn-- probably a lot more than just that, if she thought about it. But she was focused on that moment.

She took the steps needed to close the distance between them, holding her own tears back as she reached for him. She knew his pain, probably better than he did. She wanted nothing more than to fix it for him, the way she'd wished someone had been able to fix her pain. Crowley had-- tried. But it was his lack of action that had caused the most pain for her.

One hand reached and wiped at tears that fell down his face, while the other moved to grasp lightly at his arm, pulling him closer. She needed this, whether for her own selfish reasons or to help bring back the man she loved, she wasn't sure. But she needed it, and that was what mattered to her at that moment.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, gazing up at him, holding on to her own emotions. "I'm so sorry."

Dean had shut his eyes the moment the tears escaped. His face otherwise blank apart from the subtle hints of grief framing his features. He had lost a daughter before—kinda—at least in the biological sense. And then there was of course Ben. Not really his, but, unlike Emma, Ben had felt like his. It had torn him up inside giving up him and his mother, but it had been necessary and he stood by that decision. They were safe, alive, and no longer targets. But this—what he felt now—felt somehow worse. Before it had been just a baby, just a word really, of something that shouldn’t have ever come to be, and quickly turned into nothing when Ry had said she miscarried. His mind hadn’t fully processed the whole development, nor did he feel the need to mourn. At least not until now. The sonogram had made it real, made her real… Caden Mary… His face crumbled slightly as his bowed his head, feeling a loss he couldn’t even begin to describe. His chest felt hollow and heavy at the same time, weighing him down to the point where he just wanted to fall to the floor. He had almost forgotten about Ry’s presence when he heard her footsteps come closer, and then feeling her hand on his face as she removed the wet streaks. His eyelids opened, staring down at her with a sorrow-filled frown, before she once again said what she didn’t ever need to say to him. He shook his head. “Don’t. Please…don’t.” He closed his eyes again and used his free hand to rub away the rest of the wetness, sniffing slightly. “That’s the last thing I want from you right now.”

She swallowed hard, almost wanting to pull away from him but she remained where she was. Her own emotions were shoved aside to make room for making sure Dean was okay. To make sure he was going to be okay. She wasn't even sure what he was feeling, fully. She just knew she wanted to be there.

His words had so many questions rolling through her mind. It took her several tries, but she finally found the right one. "What do you need from me, right now?" She asked, blue eyes focusing on green. Despite everything-- despite the fact that this child they were mourning was gone because a part of him had done it-- she felt she'd give him anything at this moment. Because, despite everything, she loved him, and that didn't seem to want to change.

Dropping his hand he joined with his other, both holding the glossy picture, giving it one last look before he carefully placed it back in its envelope. He hadn’t been sure what he expected to receive but it certainly wasn’t that, and while it caused him pain he was glad Ry insisted. He was even glad he could feel this form of loss, because it meant that the Mark was still powered down and he could feel something other than the urge to kill. Ry asked him then what he needed from her, and Dean almost wanted to laugh at the absurdity of her wanting to comfort him right now but instead he answered her truthfully, “Honestly—I don’t know.” His body seemed like it had shut down, suddenly feeling more tired and drained than he’s felt in weeks. The want to hold her also had come back, but he couldn’t ask that from her. He couldn’t ask anything from her because he had taken so much from her already that it almost angered him that she didn’t hate him. He hated him, for what he had done to her, and the question why didn’t she too floated back in his mind. “I’m so sorry, Ry,” he whispered sincerely, sounding both broken and guilt-ridden, but the words only felt like that—words. But he didn’t know how else to convey just how sorry he was.

She watched him silently, not sure what to do as he examined the image again before he put it back in the envelope. His response to her wasn't even remotely helpful to her and she pressed her lips together to keep from saying anything about it. She sighed, dropping her hands from where they rested on him, tucking them into her pockets and feeling more than a little lost. But it was his next words that had her scowling, had her looking back to meet his gaze. Something in the way he said it, the way he looked, felt-- deeper than it was meant to. It touched the part of her she had locked away when she first told him about the child and she choked back a sob as emotions flooded her. No, this wasn't the time. Of all people, he didn't need to see the pain of her loss. Because she hadn't lost a only a child, she'd lost the remainder of when things had been truly good between them. At least, better than this. So much better than this. Because then-- they weren't afraid to touch, to love each other. Then, they weren't strangers.

At Ry's reaction to his words Dean thought she might reprimand him, spewing crap about how it wasn't his fault, but that all changed in a matter of seconds. Raw emotion, like before only now somehow more intense, replaced the anger just as quickly as it came. Dean's heart wrenched even more. Despite the fact that she was trying to mask her pain he could still see it, obvious to him as it virtually matched his. Without thinking, and his body reacting on instinct, he actually started reaching for her, his arm raising slightly in her direction, before he took notice and let it drop back to his side, a fist curling there. His jaw clenched, curses going off in his head as he willed himself to get a grip.

"Don't you do that," she snapped through clenched teeth. "I lost you once, don't you fucking pull away from me now." She leveled her gaze at him as tears fell unbidden down her face and she swiped them away angrily. Words she couldn't say to him built up inside before she shoved them away and squeezed her eyes shut just as tightly as her jaw was clenched.

Dean opened his mouth to say that maybe they should just go to bed,--meaning her, in her room, where he couldn't touch her and cause her discomfort,--when Ry broke through the heavy fog of sorrow first, spitting at him. His brow line furrowed in confusion initially, unsure what she was referring to, but with her following words it dawned. "Ry, I wasn't--" A different, but definitely not new, type of sorrow overtook his expression and the words died on his tongue. He wouldn't call what he had just done 'pulling away', but part of him was questioning why wasn't he. A heavy sigh fell upon him, unsure what was the right thing to do when everything he did just felt wrong. "--Should've just killed me," he muttered under his breath to himself as he shook his head.

She didn't even hesitate; her hands were just there as she let out an inhuman sound, shoving against his chest. He dare he turn this around and make it about that. She had given him something she wasn't even sure she had been ready to. She was unwillingly showing emotion over that thing. And he was standing there saying she should have killed him?

"You asshole!" She yelled, slapping him across the face. "That is what you have to say after--" her expression fell, and she shook her head. "You're just a coward, is all." She said quietly. "You can't face the fact that you did horrible things while you were a horrible creature. Maybe it had parts of you, but demons are innately evil; you of all people know that! What I faced-- that wasn't you, Dean. That wasn't the man I love. I've accepted that, and you need to do the same thing!"

Being caught off guard Dean didn't have time to register what was happening when he was shoved back into Ry's car, alarm overtaking him as he didn't understand what had brought on this sudden act of violence. He knew that he had upset her--something he just kept doing--but he hadn't anticipated the intensity to which she responded with. Next there was a harsh sting across his face as she slapped him, cursing him for saying something that he hadn't really intended for her to hear, and Dean's hand rose instinctively to his reddening cheek but his wide, shocked eyes remained on her. As Ry continued on, though, Dean's expression began to harden, his jaw clenching, and he found himself unable to keep eye contact. That was until she was saying that what had beaten her to near death wasn't him. He had to bite his tongue to keep him from lashing out, and that worked--for a few seconds. "You're wrong, Ry," he said in a loud, gruff voice, straightening himself in an upright manner. "It was me. An' you know how I know? Because I have the fucking memories of beating you until you were barely alive! Hell, if Crowley hadn't stopped me I would've killed you." That thought sent a shiver down his spine but still, his facial exterior remained unchanged. "So yeah, maybe I am a coward. Maybe I can't bear the image of your blood on my hands. Or the knowledge that I was so close to ending your life. Or how the guilt kills me every time you flinch because I got too close." His voice had lowered to the point where it was almost back to normal. "It would've been better for everyone if I had just stayed dead." His gaze shifted down to the floor. "Then I wouldn't keep hurting you."

#occultamonstri #adventures elsewhere

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bi-bard · 2 years

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Luckily for You, I'm Patient - Dean Winchester Imagine (Supernatural)

Title: Luckily for You, I'm Patient

Pairing: Dean Winchester X Reader

Word Count: 1,088 words

Warning(s): SPOILERS FOR BIG POINTS IN SEASONS 6-15!!

Summary: (Inspired by "See You Later" by Jenna Raine; Season 15) After the biggest fight of their lives, Sam and Dean are promised long lives. They had already sacrificed enough. Dean uses this opportunity to find the thing he most regrets letting go.

Author's Note: Here it is! Part two to the "see you later" imagine!!

FIND PART ONE TO THIS IMAGINE HERE

Hey! I did a rewrite of the ending of Supernatural. It took a really long time to complete, so it would mean a lot to me if you check it out. Here’s a link! (it’s on my personal account)

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I had long since stopped waiting for Dean to knock on my door or call me.

I knew he was doing important. That didn't change how much I missed him. Even after almost ten years, there were times where I'd get lost in thought. Just thinking of what could've happened if I had never sent him away.

I kept going.

It was just hard.

My parents were tired of me not settling down. I would love to settle down, but no one felt right. Any dates I went on after Dean just didn't feel right. I felt bad for dragging guys through that. So, I stopped.

Instead, I focused on work and just moving forward.

I didn't realize how faster ten years could pass, but here I was. Almost ten years after I sent Dean away, still missing him.

I was just getting off the phone with my mom- who had been trying to set up some blind date- when there was a knock on my door.

I assumed it was Amazon or something, so I walked over and pulled the door open without much thought. I froze when I saw Dean standing on my porch with a small grin.

"This would've been so embarrassing if you had moved," he said.

I just blinked at him a few times.

"Hey," he continued. "I know it's been-"

He stopped talking when I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around him. His arms slowly wrapped around me. I felt him hide his face in my shoulder slightly.

"I missed you," I muttered, tears in my eyes.

I stepped back and held the sides of his face. I studied all the new wrinkles and marks that graced his skin. He was just grinning back at me.

"I missed you too," he replied.

"Come in, please," I stepped back so he could walk inside. I closed the front door behind us and watched Dean walk toward the couch. "Umm, so... what's happened?"

He let out a sigh and looked down, "That's a long story."

"I've got time."

We sat on the couch and Dean told me everything. Well, almost everything. It was mostly the big things.

"Okay," I said. "So. Let me see if I understood all of this."

"Sure," Dean nodded.

"After you left, your brother lost his soul and got it back, your friend released monsters from Purgatory, you defeated them but got stuck in Purgatory, your brother tried to close the gates of hell then got possessed by an angel, you took on the Mark of Cain so you could defeat Abaddon, you became a demon, got cured, got rid of the mark but released God's sister, met God- who was actually some dude that had released a series of books about you and your brother- and they made peace, God's sister brought your mom back to life, Lucifer got out of the cage that you and your brother put him in, he got a woman pregnant, her kid- Jack- came out as an adult, you had to go into an alternate dimension to save her kid and your mom, you got possessed by the alternate dimension version of Michael, Jack started losing their soul, they killed your mom, you tried to kill them but refused when you found out God was just making an entertaining story, you fought God... because why not... and won. Now, Jack is God and they've promised you and your brother safety and a long life because of how much you've sacrificed for the world."

Dean was nodding along the entire time.

"I got that all right," I asked.

"Yeah," he replied. "Got the big picture."

"And with this promised long life and guaranteed future," I continued, "you picked to come see me?"

"Of course, I did," he said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You said if I decided to retire, you'd be here. I held onto that."

"Really?"

"Unless you're in a relationship or something," he started backtracking immediately.

"No, no," I shook my head. "I... I tried. But... nothing stuck."

I saw a small smirk form on his face, "Well, that's flattering-"

"Shut up," I hit his arm lightly.

He just laughed and relaxed into my couch.

"How have you been," he asked after a minute. "Really?"

"Just work-focused," I shrugged. "My mom hates it. She was just calling me about a 'sweet boy' she found."

"Wow," Dean muttered. "Perfect timing on my part."

"You're telling me," I chuckled. "Last 'sweet boy' had alarming serial killer vibes."

"I'd ask for a reason, but I don't think I'll like the answer."

"Oh, you definitely wouldn't," I replied.

He laughed again.

I scooted over on the couch, letting my shoulder brush his. He moved his arm, so it was wrapped around me. I turned into his side slightly, letting my head rest on his shoulder.

It was nice.

Having this back. Having Dean back. It felt right. Like things had fallen back into place. Especially now that I had a source for why I had pushed him away in the first place. And I knew that threat was gone.

"I've... I've been a hunter my entire life," Dean said softly. "I don't think I've had someone stick with me the way you have."

"Why," I asked.

"You gave me a chance at this," he motioned around the house with his free arm. "This apple pie life that I never thought I'd get a chance at. Once I knew I could, it was all I could think of. I never thought there was a time where I wasn't going to come back to you. It was all a matter of time."

"And now you have all the time in the world," I added, smiling up at him. "What else are you going to do it?"

"I'll think about that tomorrow."

I don't think the weight of that statement sank in at the time. A man who thought there was a chance every day could be his last was letting himself wait. Letting himself picture tomorrow clearly.

"I just want to focus on this right now," he said.

Dean leaned back far enough to press his lips to mine. For the first time in nearly a decade.

It felt like the clock reversed. I had gotten back all of that time.

I leaned back to smile at him again, "I'm so happy that you came back."

"So am I... I love you."

My smile only grew, "I love you too."

--------------------------------

Masterlist (Includes links to All Writing Challenges)

What I Write For

Some Original Characters

#dean winchester x reader #dean winchester imagine #dean winchester fanfiction #fanfiction #imagine #x reader #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural imagine #supernatural x reader

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norahastuff · 4 years

Note

the unrequited love thing just bothers me so much. No-one had any issues seeing Cas/Hannah as a valid ship in the show when Cas wasn't even really interested in her. We've had a decade worth of romantic signals from Dean, but somehow destiel is unrequited. such a goddamn tragedy that they couldn't find their way back to each other one last time when that is their whole ~dynamic~

Yes, all of this. Exactly. Honestly, it’s been so frustrating to keep hearing the word unrequited thrown around so much lately. What about this dynamic has ever seemed unrequited? I’ve done this before but I’ve been really annoyed about it lately so should we make a list?

What about Dean feeling so personally betrayed by Cas in The Man Who Would Be King? Or Sam and Bobby walking on eggshells around Dean and taking care to very delicately approach bringing up the possibility of Cas doing something shady because they knew how hard Dean was going to take it? They knew it would be different for him than it would be for both of them.

Or how about Dean keeping Cas’ trenchcoat, and not only keeping it - he could have stashed it at Bobby’s or left it in the trunk of the Impala - but no he kept it with him, moved it from car to car. And this isn’t a last-minute development that they decided to throw into 7x17 when Cas returned, we see glimpses of the coat in other episodes before this, a consistent reminder that Dean’s carrying it around with him. That losing Cas is weighing on him.

How about Dean wondering why he could usually get over things but for some reason with Cas he couldn’t and he just didn’t know why.

For that matter...do you think there is anybody else that Dean would forgive for hurting Sam? For betraying him? Sure Dean is mad at Cas but more than anything he wanted to fix things. Despite everything, he needed Cas to be a part of his life.

How about that time Dean spent a year in purgatory looking for Cas, praying to him every night? In Dean’s mind, Sam is out there alone doing God knows what trying to get him back. I mean Sam didn’t, he’d let Dean go, but Dean assumed he was still looking. And yet Dean didn’t go back to Sam even though he could. He stayed for a year looking for Cas. Because he needed to. He needed him. Purgatory was pure remember? Dean had clarity there. He understood his wants, needs, and emotions.

Or you know just that one little thing about how Dean changed his own memories of what happened when he got separated from Cas because the thought of failing Cas was less painful than the idea that Cas would choose to stay in purgatory instead of leaving with him.

“We need you. I need you.” You know all about this one, I don’t need to say more.

The angels knowing exactly what would hurt Dean, knowing how much he cared about Cas and using that against him:

“The very touch of you corrupts. When Castiel first laid a hand on you in hell he was lost!”

“I know you’re hoping Castiel will return to you. I only wish that he felt the same way.”

Miriam: Bieber in there he can do almost anything. Dean: Anything? (and for the first time since Cas died we see Dean experience a moment of hope...and then...) Miriam: Oh sweetie, almost anything. Castiel he’s dead, all the way dead, because of you.

Dean staring wistfully at Cas through a Gas n Sip window for god knows how long. Actually you know what, that whole episode.

Cas being Dean’s Colette. That’s not subtext. You can argue with the execution, but the parallel was spelled out. And actually for that matter in Chuck’s drafts or alternate futures/ timelines or whatever that he was showing Sam, Dean was the one who was broken after losing Cas to the Mark of Cain, Dean was the one who had to bury him in Ma’lak box. Dean was the one who had to stop him. So I mean not only was Cas Dean’s Colette, but Dean was Cas’ Colette too.

Dean reacting very differently than Sam to Cas’ decision to say yes to Lucifer. Dean’s worry. Dean desperately calling out to Cas over and over again to try reach him and get him to eject Lucifer. Dean resisting Amara for Cas. Lucifer and Amara being very surprised by this. Amara using Cas to try to get to Dean.

Dean’s very different reactions to all things Cas in s12. This one would need it’s own post, but let’s just say there was a lot of focus on Dean and Cas in s12 and most of it was on how intensely Dean felt for Cas.

Dean made him a Led Zeppelin mixtape. And then proceeded to get mad at himself for letting Cas use it to come into his room and play him. Which isn’t exactly what happened (though it sort of is) but that’s exactly what went down from Dean’s perspective, and that kind of move would only work if Dean truly cared about Cas. Going into someone’s room and playing on their feelings for you by using a romantic gift they gave you, only works if that person has feelings for you that can be played with.

12x23. Sam having to pull Dean away from Cas at the rift because Dean was intent on chasing after Cas. Dean falling to his knees by Cas’ body unable and unwilling to think about anything else and leaving Sam to face the nephilim. Sam knowing better than to even try to move Dean.

Widower arc. I would elaborate but do I need to?

And finally all of their arc in s15. No part of that was one sided.

I actually can’t believe we have to keep having this conversation. Before it seemed like we kept having to somehow “prove” there was a romantic element to Dean and Cas’ relationship. Now that they have explicitly stated in canon that there is, the conversation seems to have shifted to how it’s one sided. Look I’m as frustrated as anyone that Dean didn’t get to say anything, but we never considered their relationship one sided before. That’s certainly not what I saw in the show. Dude pines after his totes str8 bro friend who’s not into him is not a story I would have had any interest in. Looking at that long list above does it seem like it was one sided?

Whatever Cas felt for Dean, Dean felt it too. This has never seemed like a one sided narrative. Like you said just because the last page of the story was ripped out/wasn’t written (ie whatever you think went down) it doesn’t invalidate years upon years of consistent relationship building and emotional growth. Their story is incomplete not erased.

(And in relation to the Cas and Hannah of it all, a while back I did get curious and look that up, and you’re right. People had no problem with thinking of Cas and Hannah as romantic - when she was played by Erica Carroll. When Hannah returned in a male vessel, both Misha and the new actor Lee Majdoub played their relationship exactly the same way, the same heart eyes, the same gentle touches and soft spoken appreciation, but no one seemed to want to discuss Cas and Hannah’s romantic connection anymore. For reasons. Whatever could they be? I’m putting this in brackets though because I don’t have the sources on that and I have no intention of trawling through reddit/entertainment review sites/wherever I checked last time to find them. I do not have that in me. So there’s a chance I could be mistaken and people did discuss it, in which case I’d love to be proven wrong. Anyway that’s why this point is just at the end in brackets)

#asks #destiel #anon trust me I'm in complete agreement #we're on the same wavelength #my spn thoughts #i got a little carried away #this has just been bothering me lately #love and...love #long post

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haidyn-reeves · 4 years

Text

Lie to Me

Summary: The classic truth spell trope with a wicked twist.

Pairing: Dean x Female!Reader

Word Count: 4948

Warnings: Dean’s an asshole. Angst makes the world go ‘round. Insecurities briefly mentioned. Did I mention Dean’s an asshole? Fluff if you squint.

A/N: I’m back! This is my entry for @jawritter‘s Make Me Cry challenge and @deanwanddamons 2k Celebration! My prompts are in bold. I hope y’all enjoy!

It was no secret that Dean had changed since he took the Mark of Cain. He was more reckless than normal, which only progressed after taking out the entire Stine family for what they did to Charlie and almost did to Y/N. Y/N was in the bunker when the Stines invaded, resorting to hiding in one of the trunks of the classic cars in the garage to stay safe. Once Dean left Castiel bloody and battered in the library, he raced to the garage, having told Y/N not to move until he came for her. When he found her, his features only softened once he saw how terrified she was of him; the amount of blood covering his clothes and hands was enough to turn her stomach. Y/N, as usual, did her best to clean up the older Winchester, using it as a way to distract her from what happened only hours prior. When it was time to say goodbye to Charlie, Y/N separated herself from the brothers, the tension between them so thick you needed a chainsaw to cut through. Dean tossed some heated remarks to Sam and Y/N sank to the muddy ground, furious that this was happening in front of the pyre that held their dear friend. Dean stormed off and Sam came around to help her up, the pair watching the bow-legged hunter climb into his Impala and drive away.

Dean was angry, and the only way he knew how to release that anger was to hunt and kill whatever he could. He scoured the news, desperate to find something he could take down, preferably alone. He couldn’t look at Sam, blaming his brother for the death of his surrogate sister. He didn’t want to bring Y/N with him, he just wanted to drive, hunt, and kill.

Dean found a case, one that would hopefully settle the Mark’s need for blood and his own anger. The fact that it was a witch was an added bonus.

He left in the middle of the night when Sam and Y/N couldn’t try to stop him or tag along. He felt a little bad leaving Y/N behind but the Mark stung too badly for him to care at the moment. He wouldn’t be gone long, the case was only two states over, he’d back soon enough.

In the bunker, Y/N was pissed that Dean was ignoring her calls. Sam expected it, he knew how angry Dean was, so he expected for his brother to ignore him, but Y/N? He adored her, for Dean to ignore her was unlike him. Y/N was confused, she wasn’t part of the plot to save Dean, Sam explicitly kept her out of the loop because he knew asking her to sneak behind Dean’s back was out of the question. She was loyal to the older Winchester, to a fault, and asking her to go against his wishes was more than even Sam could muster.

Ever since the Stines invaded and killed Charlie, Y/N was thinking about her feelings for Dean. She called him immediately when they broke the door down and he’s the one who instructed her to hide in the garage; it was a plan the two agreed on for these situations. While she was hiding in the trunk of one of the vintage vehicles, all she could think about was that she could die and never be able to tell Dean how she felt. She decided then that she’d tell him, and soon. That’s why she was so upset that he left without telling her, it just prolonged her getting everything out in the open.

While the two waited in the bunker for Dean’s return, Dean handled the witch with ease. She tried at the last minute to hit him with what he assumed was a spell of sorts, but the witch killing bullet was in her before she could finish the incantation. He felt better, the Mark’s hunger was satiated, and there was one less witch causing trouble. A win all around, in his book.

Y/N was sitting in the library researching when the bunker door opened three days later. She was trying to keep the hurt and the anger at bay, still upset that Dean was ignoring her for reasons she couldn’t figure out while she was ready to tell him how she felt. Sam was out grabbing dinner, she assumed it was him.

“That was fast,” she remarked, getting up to help him unpack, until she was face to face with Dean. “Oh, not Sam. Welcome home.” She moved to greet him with a hug, only for him to step back out of her reach. Her face fell, Dean never rejected her touch, even with the Mark. “Dean?”

“Don’t touch me,” he growled, “I hate it when you throw yourself at me like that.”

“You…what? Since when?”

“Since forever. Just shows how clingy you are.”

Y/N stared in shock before letting her eyes cast to the floor, the heat in her cheeks so warm coupled with his venomous glare that she was growing physically uncomfortable before him. “I’m s-sorry. I didn’t realize…I thought we…I thought you and I…“

“What? You thought there was something here?” Dean motioned between the two of them. “Far from it.” He looked her over, his eyes running over her figure. “You think I’d ever want you?”

“I…I thought m-maybe…”

“Well I don’t. I don’t even want you here.”

“That’s not true,” she whispered, knowing if she was really that unwelcome, he’d have no problem kicking her out.

“True? You want the truth? Oh, sweetheart, you can’t handle the truth. But I’ll give it to you. Don’t you think if I wanted you, I’d have done something by now? You’re just another burden that was dumped on me that I didn’t ask for.” He paused, circling the war table, Y/N visibly shaking before him as she tried to keep herself composed, though it was obvious she was already broken at his words. “You’re always in the way, you know? You’re one more person I have to protect on hunts, since you’re not exactly reliable these days. Maybe if you were in shape you’d be less of a liability, then I wouldn’t have to constantly be saving your sorry ass-“

“Dean!” Sam barked, “What the hell is wrong with you?”

Y/N hadn’t even heard him come in, the blood was pounding in her ears as she fought back tears, refusing to cry in front of Dean for fear he’d throw that in her face, too. He already implied she was fat, using her biggest insecurity against her, she didn’t need him throwing another one her way.

“What? I’m just saying,” Dean shrugged.

“You don’t just say that,” Sam glared before shooting a knowing look to Y/N, nodding his head towards the kitchen. She took the hint and all but ran out of the room. “What the hell could she have said to make you say that to her? She didn’t do anything to you.”

“She’s just annoying, another mouth to feed, a cockblock at the bar. We don’t need her here bringing us down. I wish she’d just leave.”

“Do you even hear yourself? That’s Y/N. She’s done more for us than anyone else has. She takes care of us when we’re sick and hurt, she puts up with our shit, specifically all of your shit and you…what the fuck Dean?”

Dean rolled his eyes, picking up his bags and turning to leave the room. Sam watched in disbelief before joining Y/N in the kitchen finding her with her head in her hands at the table. “Hey, hey, shhhh,” he whispered, sitting down next to her and pulling her into his arms. She sobbed harshly into his flannel.

“He h-hates me,” she cried, the words muffled against his shirt. Sam shook his head, furious with his brother.

“He doesn’t, he couldn’t.” He rubbed her back soothingly, gently rocking her from side to side. “That wasn’t my brother.”

“I…I d-don’t understand,” she whimpered, sniffling.

“What exactly happened? Can you tell me?”

Y/N sat up slightly, wiping the tears off her cheeks and taking a deep breath to steady herself. “I thought he was you, I said hello, went to hug him. He backed up and when I tried to see what was wrong, he just started in on me.” She looked down. “I was finally ready to tell him, Sam.”

His eyes widened, knowing exactly what she meant. “Oh fuck no,” he muttered, pulling her back into his embrace. “Something must’ve happened while he was gone…but even then he had no right to talk to you like that. For everything that he’s been through, even with the Mark, he’d never, ever, talk to you like that. If it was anyone else, they’d be dead. If he could’ve heard himself…“ Sam stopped, shaking his head in anger. “Something’s not right.”

“Am…am I clingy, Sam?” Y/N asked quietly, Dean’s words echoing in her head.

“God, no, Y/N. You’re not. A few hugs and cuddles here and there doesn’t make you clingy.” Sam smiled sadly, tucking her hair behind her ear. “You are one of the best things to happen to Dean and me. You look after us, keep this place running, you help with hunts and research. You’re incredibly important to us and you’re a part of this little family, regardless of what my brother said. I love you, he loves you…hell, the real him adores you. You’re the little sister I always wanted, I always want you around. You’re not a cockblock or another mouth to feed and you certainly don’t bring us down. You build us up and help us keep going, every day. And before you say anything, no, there is nothing physically wrong with you, so please don’t get back into that headspace. You’re doing so well, don’t let this bring you back into that dark place. I’ll talk to him.”

Y/N smiled weakly, eyes brimming over with tears at Sam’s reassurance. “Thank you,” she whispered.

“You’re welcome,” he smiled, placing a soft kiss to her forehead. “How about you go take a bath and relax a bit while I try to figure out what’s going on, okay?”

She nodded and he squeezed her in another hug before letting her go, watching her leave the kitchen and make her way towards her room, which was unfortunately next to Dean’s. Y/N tiptoed passed his room, terrified of doing anything to set him off on her again. Once in the safety of her bedroom, she gathered her comfiest pajamas, slippers, and her favorite bath soap to bring to the bathroom. She set those items aside, rummaging for her duffle. She didn’t like being so close to Dean after what happened, so she decided to throw her necessities and some clothes into the bag, topping it with her favorite pillow and blanket. She knew the bedroom next to Sam’s was empty, for now she’d make that her room until she felt comfortable being around the older hunter again.

On the way to the bathroom, Y/N dropped her bag, blanket and pillow into the spare room, closing the door behind her before heading into the private, smaller bathroom in the bunker. She turned the water on in the tub, adjusting the temperature before plugging the drain and adding her bath soap before shedding her clothes and sinking into the water below the bubbles.

Down the hall and a few twists and turns away, Sam was making his way to Dean’s room, having already sent a quick prayer to Castiel in hopes he could help him figure out what was wrong with his brother.

“Sam,” Castiel greeted with a flutter of his wings, “what’s going on?”

Sam sighed heavily. “Something’s wrong with Dean, I don’t know what but the way he just lashed out at Y/N tells me it’s bad.” They stopped outside Dean’s door, Sam knocking hard three times before opening the door, not bothering to wait for an invitation.

“Get out,” Dean growled, ripping his headphones off his ears.

“Not until you tell me what happened when you were gone to make you come back a grade A douchebag,” Sam shot back.

“Nothing happened, now get out.”

“Dean, you’re not yourself.”

“I’m fine,” Dean glared, his eyes on Castiel.

“The Dean I know never would’ve said what he did to Y/N, so that’s bullshit,” Sam argued.

“She had it coming,” he shrugged. Sam’s eyes widened and his nostrils flared with anger. “Oh, calm down.”

“You know what Dean? Maybe you should leave for a while,” Sam started, advancing towards Dean, “sort your shit out.”

Dean rose from his bed, glowering at his little brother. “You’re really gonna kick me out? For her?”

Before Sam could respond, Castiel took the opportunity to move around Sam, placing his fingers to Dean’s forehead to see if he could use his grace to identify the problem. “He’s under a spell.”

“A spell? What kind of spell?” Sam asked, looking between the angel and the thoroughly pissed off hunter.

“I’m not sure, but it’s there, clinging to him.” Castiel pressed his fingers to Dean’s forehead again to try and ease him a bit to get him to cooperate better. Dean sat back down on his bed, a little more relaxed.

“Dean, you have to tell me what happened when you were gone,” Sam pleaded.

“I was on a hunt, it was a witch.”

“Do you remember anything that she said?”

“She was chanting something but I killed her before she could finish.”

“Or maybe you didn’t,” Sam sighed. “I’ll call Rowena, see if she can maybe give use insight as to what kind of spell the witch used.” He pulled out his phone before looking at his brother again. “You stay the hell away from Y/N, got it? You’ve done enough damage.”

“I’ll watch him,” Castiel offered, Sam nodding in agreement before shooting his brother one last look and heading to the library, dialing Rowena’s number.

“Samuel,” she answered.

“Rowena, I need your help.”

“You seem to be needing a lot of that lately, Samuel. And yet you’ve done nothing for me in return.”

“I’m working on it,” he responded curtly, “the quicker you get to the bunker, the faster I finish the deal. It’s about Y/N.”

The witch sighed, having developed a soft spot for the girl. “Fine, fine. I’ll be there soon.”

After her bath, Sam informed Y/N that Rowena was coming and that there was some sort of spell involved. Y/N cringed at his brother’s name, her body tensing. Sam explained that he knew the spell wasn’t an excuse for what Dean said to her, but it helped piece a few things together. Y/N just wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to look at the hunter the same way again.

Until Rowena arrived, Y/N stayed in her new bedroom, locked away from everyone but Sam. He brought her meals, knowing she wasn’t up to wandering the bunker halls and risking the chance of running into Dean. As strong as he knew she was, even he didn’t think she’d be able to handle another run-in with the older hunter.

Two days later, Rowena made her way down the steps of the bunker. Sam did his best to fill her in on what little information he got from Dean, which was a terrible pronunciation of whatever the young witch chanted at him, plus the crap attitude he’d been exhibiting ever since, including what he said to Y/N.

“But here’s the thing, I know my brother and I know how he feels about her, and it’s…it’s like everything he said to her is the exact opposite of what he’s ever said to me about her. He’s said some pretty fucked up things in his life, even to me, but to her? He’d never. It doesn’t make sense, he said the witch didn’t even finish the spell.”

“Perhaps your brother changed his mind.”

“Rowena, no. Cas was able to detect the remnants of a spell that seems to be stuck to him. That’s why I need your help, I don’t know what spell it could be.”

“Your brother, he possesses the Mark of Cain, correct?” Sam nodded. “Then whatever spell she cast…the Mark in a way protects the person who bears it. The person can’t die, as you know. In this case, it sounds like the Mark warped the spell that was thrown at Dean and it’s now sticking to him instead of wearing off like it normally would after a few days.”

“But what kind of spell? A truth spell wouldn’t make him say all that…”

“No, but the Mark could twist a truth spell into making him lie, instead. Do you know anything about the witch?”

“She was casting truth spells and tearing couples apart around town,” Dean answered, making his presence known as he entered the war room. “She was angry that her husband had an affair and she took it out on everyone else.”

Sam groaned. “So that’s it. It was a truth spell but the Mark made you lie instead of actually tell the truth.”

Rowena rolled her eyes, “and turned you into quite the dick.” Dean shot a glare at the red-head, ready to bark a nasty reply when Sam stepped between the two.

“You don’t speak unless we ask you to,” he ordered, staring down his brother. Dean’s eyes widened before he cocked a brow, smirking.

“You don’t think there’s more I could say to you this time?”

“I don’t care what you say to me, I know it isn’t you. But Y/N? She’s off limits.”

“Too late for that-“

“ENOUGH,” Rowena yelled, both hunters jumping in surprise, “now, Samuel, you can fetch me these ingredients and Dean, well, you can sit down and keep your mouth shut.”

As Sam went to the storage room to gather the ingredients needed for the spell to reverse the one stuck to Dean, Rowena followed him to Y/N’s makeshift room, knocking on the door.

“Go away,” Y/N answered pitifully.

“Someone’s here to see you, honey,” Sam answered, “its safe, I promise.” He unlocked her door and left her and Rowena alone while he went to find her supplies. Y/N sat up on her bed, her eyes lighting up at the sight of the witch.

“Hi,” she smiled weakly, moving over on her bed to make room for the witch.

“Oh darlin’, Auntie Rowena will fix it,” she soothed, sitting at the foot of the bed. “You see, Dean was hit with a truth spell, but because he bears the Mark, the spell backfired and made him lie instead. Sam’s fetching me the ingredients I need for a reversal to get rid of the spell that’s clinging to him because of the Mark.”

“So…all the things he said…”

“I’m guessing whatever he wanted to say, he said the opposite. Apparently the witch was cheated on by her husband and due to her anger she took it out on everyone, especially men, and cursed them to tell the truth. But in Dean’s case, he was cursed to lie.”

“And be a douche,” Y/N muttered. “He said some awful things, Ro.”

“The man’s not exactly kind on a good day if you’re on his bad side,” Rowena noted. “I’ll fix him. He’s going to remember everything and run in here and apologize, you’ll see.”

“I’m not sure I can look at him, I mean, he was so cold…so brutal. If I look at him that’s all I’ll see.”

“I think once he realizes what he said and how badly he hurt you, you’ll see a side of him you’ve never seen before. Dean’s very protective of you, we all know it, so once he realizes he’s the one who hurt you, he’s gonna be devastated. You just have to remember, it wasn’t him.”

Y/N nodded, though still apprehensive. Rowena smiled warmly, patting her legs before leaving the room to see if Sam found everything. Y/N curled back up under the covers, thinking about what Rowena said. Knowing that a spell made him say those things made her feel the smallest bit better, but it was still replaying in her head since it happened. She could still see Dean’s look of disgust and hear the hatred dripping off his tongue. The idea of facing him, even after he was cured of this spell, still terrified her.

In the library, Dean was sitting at one of the tables nursing his whiskey while Rowena and Sam worked on the spell. Cas was on standby, ready to intervene if Dean got out of hand somehow and also to see if the lingering spell faded.

Minutes later, Rowena was chanting the incantation for the reversal, Sam and Cas on either side of Dean as a precaution. A beat passed before Dean’s stoic expression faded and his eyes glowed green. Rowena sighed with relief and Cas pressed two fingers to Dean’s forehead, nodding. The spell worked, Dean was back to normal.

And oh, what a crash it was.

Dean blinked a few times, looking around at their worried faces as he registered what had happened. When he realized who was missing in the room, his eyes widened as it all came flooding back like a movie scene in his head.

“Where is she?” He choked, a wave of panic washing over him as he realized the magnitude of what he said to her.

“You remember?” Dean looked at Sam, shame and regret on his face.

“Everything.”

“She’s in the room next to mine, just go easy on her, Dean. You really did a number on her.” Dean nodded, hastily leaving the library and racing down the bunker halls until he got to the room Y/N was in. He took a deep breath before knocking softly.

“Come in,” she called, voice quiet. Dean turned the knob slowly, opening the door to find her curled up on the bed. The blatant fear on her face didn’t go unnoticed by Dean, the grimace leaving a sharp pain in his chest.

“Sweetheart,” his voice was barely above a whisper, “we need to talk.”

“I think you’ve said enough,” she answered, less bite in her reply than she would have liked.

“That…that wasn’t me, you know I’d never-“

“I thought I did, Dean. But that…even with a spell…,” She looked away from him, shaking her head. Dean’s face fell, eyes filling with tears. He really fucked up and it wasn’t even his fault this time.

“Y/N, I swear on Sam’s life, I didn’t mean a single word that I said to you that night. That wasn’t me talking, that was the spell. It’s like everything I wanted to say to you came out the complete opposite, the Mark completely took over and I’m so fucking sorry.” Dean paused, slowly making his way to her bed. When she didn’t object, he sat down by her feet.

“Sweetheart, I need you to look at me,” he begged. Y/N looked up from the spot she was fixated on on the floor, her eyes meeting his teary ones. “I wouldn’t change a single thing about you, you are perfect exactly the way you are. I wouldn’t be able to go on day after day without you supporting me. You aren’t a burden and I never want you to leave even though I think you deserve better than this life. Selfishly, I can’t let you go. You make this place feel like a home and I don’t know what I’d do without you. You’re not clingy…you mean so much to me, Y/N. I can’t tell you how sorry I am and how much I hate that I’ve hurt you. I’m supposed to protect you and you’re…you’re scared of me.”

“You looked at me with such hate,” she whispered, cringing. “I can’t unsee it no matter how hard I try.”

“Sweetheart, I could never hate you,” Dean breathed, “not when I’m too busy loving you.”

Y/N’s eyes widened, “You…what?”

“When I got back that night you said you thought there was something between us and I told you there wasn’t because of the spell’s influence. Under normal circumstances, I would’ve agreed with you. There’s always been a different connection between you and I. I don’t see you as a little sister the way Sam does. I know what I said, but Y/N, how could I not want you?”

Y/N blinked, trying to process what he was saying. “Uh, well, for starters, look at me.”

“I’m always looking at you. I think you’re beautiful exactly the way you are. You take care of me, you put up with my shit, and you’re my best friend. I can’t see myself with anyone else.”

“Dean…I-“

“You don’t have to say it back. I put you through hell, I don’t expect you to feel that way about me anymore.”

“No, I do, and that’s been the hardest part.”

Dean smiled sadly, reaching out to cup her cheek. “If you let me, I’ll spend the rest of my life, however long that is, proving to you that I mean everything I just said.”

“It wasn’t you,” she whispered, “you don’t have to.”

“But I’ll do it if it means you’ll forgive me.” He wiped a few stray tears off her cheek, his thumb grazing her cheekbone. “Can I hold you?” He asked meekly, biting his lip. She nodded into his palm before getting scooped up in a hug, her face buried in his neck as Dean finally broke, tears landing in her hair. “I’m so sorry,” he cried, squeezing her to him.

“Dean,” she mumbled, her lips against his skin sending shivers down his spine. “Please don’t cry.” She rubbed his back softly, trying to soothe him. She didn’t expect this.

“I hate this thing so much,” he muttered, her eyes casting down to his forearm where the Mark was hidden by his henley sleeve. “All it does is make me angry and it’s getting harder and harder to control it, especially after…”

“I know,” she nodded, knowing he meant Charlie and the Stines. “That whole thing…that’s what made me want to tell you how I felt about you. Waiting for you in the trunk of the car felt like an eternity and I knew I would be okay as long as you got to me. I always feel safe when I’m with you, Dean, always. But I was so scared that they’d find me first and I’d die before getting to tell you. You were so angry and it felt wrong to tell you right after we lost Charlie, but I gathered the little confidence I had while you were gone-“

“And then I came home under a spell and said what I said.” Dean sighed, his grip tightening on her. “When you called me and told me the Stines broke in, Y/N, I’ve been in awful situations like that before with Sam but this…this felt so different. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, not until I saw you and knew you were okay. Everything felt like it was going in slow motion, no matter how fast I drove.” Y/N shuddered at the memory, digging herself deeper into Dean’s chest, face pressed against his neck. She inhaled deeply, relaxing as his scent that can only be described as Dean calmed her senses. “You’re okay, you’re safe,” he whispered, kissing her hair. He laid them down on her bed, tucking her under his chin.

“Dean,” she whispered, fisting his henley.

“Yeah baby?”

“I do love you, you know.” She could feel the chuckle rumble through his chest.

“I maybe had a small feeling, or at least hoped I was reading everything right.” He ran his fingers through her hair gently, breathing in her shampoo. “Will you give me a chance to make it all up to you?”

She pulled back to look up at him, cupping his cheek. He nuzzled against her palm, eyes locked on hers as his stubble tickled her skin. “Of course, handsome.” He grinned, pressing a kiss to her palm as she blushed. She couldn’t stay mad at Dean, never was able to. But knowing how he truly felt about her, that everything that happened was the work of a witch, she knew she couldn’t hold a grudge. That wasn’t her Dean, the man who sang her back to sleep when her nightmares took over even though he hated singing to anyone but Baby’s steering wheel. The man looking at her so intently, holding her so tightly, this was her Dean. “And Dean?”

“Sweetheart?”

“I forgive you,” she smiled, Dean’s eyes softening as he let out a breath of relief he didn’t know he was holding.

“Thank you,” he whispered, pulling her impossibly closer. He kissed her forehead and her nose before softly kissing her lips, pulling back and brushing his nose against hers. Dean knew what happened wasn’t his fault, and Y/N may have forgiven him anyway, but he fully intended on spending the rest of his life, however long it may be, making sure she knew just how much he loved her, and doing his very best to deserve someone as incredible as her.

#jensmakemecrychallenge #deanwanddamons2kcelebration #dean winchester x female reader #dean x reader #dean winchester x reader #supernatural fanfiction

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randomperson99sworld · 2 days

Text

Ruffled Feathers 🪶

~ Part 41 ~

Pairing: Dean x OC

Warnings: Age gap, language, sexual themes (used lightly) , physical abuse (Not by Dean).

Word Count: 1,230

A/N: I hope you guys are enjoying this story as much as I’ve been writing it lol. They’re just so FLUFF Stated as always this story is cross posted on Wattpad. Happy reading! ♥️

The morning sunlight streamed through the blinds, casting a soft glow over the room. Dean woke to find Julia still asleep beside him, her hair fanned out across the pillow, her hand resting on his chest. He smiled slightly, his thumb brushing over her knuckles.

It was peaceful here—something he wasn't used to.

Slipping out of bed carefully so as not to wake her, Dean got dressed quietly. He stepped outside onto the small porch of Julia's place, taking a deep breath of the crisp morning air. It felt good—normal, even. A rarity in his life.

As he stood there, watching the world wake up around him, he felt the weight of everything he was carrying start to creep back in. The Mark of Cain still lingered on his arm, a constant reminder of the danger that loomed ahead. But he had to believe that, with Julia and Sam by his side, they could find a way through it.

When he went back inside, Julia was already up, sitting on the edge of the bed, pulling on her clothes. She looked up when he walked in, smiling softly.

"Morning," she greeted.

"Morning," Dean replied, leaning against the doorframe. He hesitated for a second before saying, "Was thinking... maybe we could hit the road later. See if there's a case or something. I need to keep busy."

Julia raised an eyebrow, standing and walking over to him. "Back to the grind already, huh?"

Dean gave a small smirk. "You know me."

She rolled her eyes but nodded. "Alright. But only if we stop for pie on the way."

Dean chuckled, a genuine smile on his face for the first time in what felt like ages. "Deal."

And just like that, things felt a little more normal.

After leaving Julia's place and swinging by the bunker to pick up Sam, the trio hit the road. Dean drove, his usual classic rock playlist blaring through the speakers. Julia sat in the passenger seat, leaning back comfortably while Sam was in the back, going through their intel for the case they'd picked up—a string of disappearances in a small town a few hours away that fit the description of a vampire nest.

Dean, feeling lighter than he had in weeks, was in good spirits. He'd even gotten his pie after they made a pit stop at a diner on the way, and Sam couldn't help but notice how different his brother seemed.

"Alright, so the sheriff in town says six people have gone missing in the last two weeks," Sam said, glancing up from his laptop. "No bodies, just gone. But the disappearances all happened near an old industrial district."

"Sounds like our bloodsuckers," Dean said, taking a bite of his pie as he steered the Impala down the open road. "We take 'em out, rescue whoever's still alive. Should be a quick job."

Julia glanced at him with a small smile. "You always make it sound so easy."

Dean shrugged, licking the fork. "It usually is."

They arrived in town by late afternoon and checked into a motel, agreeing to head out to the industrial district after sundown. The plan was straightforward—Sam would check out the area for signs of the nest while Dean and Julia would secure the perimeter, ready to go in guns blazing if necessary.

As they prepared to leave the motel room, Dean turned to Julia, tossing her a machete. "You good to go, sweetheart?"

Julia caught the weapon with ease, spinning it in her hand before sheathing it at her side. "Always."

Sam shot them both a glance. "Let's keep this simple. In and out, no distractions."

"Don't worry, Sammy," Dean said, clapping his brother on the shoulder. "We'll be back in time for round two of pie."

The industrial district was eerily quiet as the trio moved through the darkened alleys. Sam had found a lead—a nearby warehouse that had been abandoned for years and recently showed signs of activity. The strong, metallic scent of blood hit their noses as they neared the building, confirming their suspicions.

"They're in there," Sam whispered, glancing at Dean and Julia. "You guys ready?"

Dean gave a curt nod, gripping his machete. "Let's end this."

They moved inside, the moonlight barely illuminating the large, dusty space. Rows of old machinery lined the walls, casting long shadows, but it didn't take long to find the nest. In the far corner, the vampires were gathered around a few terrified captives, who were bound and gagged. The vamps were too busy arguing over their next meal to notice the Winchesters and Julia sneaking up.

Dean smirked, giving the others a nod. "Showtime."

They launched their attack swiftly. Dean swung his machete with precision, taking out the first vampire before it even had a chance to react. Julia followed suit, fighting side by side with Dean, her movements quick and practiced. Sam focused on getting the captives out, guiding them away from the danger while Dean and Julia mowed through the remaining bloodsuckers.

One of the vamps made a break for it, but Dean was faster, grabbing the creature by the collar and decapitating it in one swift motion. Blood sprayed across the floor, but Dean didn't flinch, his focus sharp.

In less than ten minutes, the nest was destroyed, and all the vampires lay in pieces around the room.

"See?" Dean said, wiping the blood off his machete. "Easy."

Julia shook her head, laughing. "You make it look that way."

Sam approached, leading the freed captives out. "They're safe. I called the cops—told them we found them wandering outside. Should cover our tracks."

"Nice work, Sammy," Dean said, slinging his machete over his shoulder.

As they left the warehouse, Julia walked next to Dean, bumping his shoulder lightly. "Not bad for your first case back, huh?"

Dean smirked, glancing down at her. "Not bad at all."

Back at the bunker later that night, the trio settled into the library, a much-needed sense of calm returning after the successful hunt. Sam buried himself in research, while Dean and Julia sat across from each other, going over the details of the case with a sense of satisfaction.

Sam eventually looked up from his book, eyeing Dean. "You seem... different."

Dean raised an eyebrow. "Different how?"

"I don't know. Lighter," Sam said with a small smile. "Happier."

Dean shrugged, glancing over at Julia, who was trying to hide her smile. "Maybe I'm just getting my groove back."

Julia leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms. "Or maybe you're finally realizing that you don't have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders all the time."

Dean shot her a look, but there was no denying that she was right. Ever since Julia had become a bigger part of his life, things felt... easier. The Mark of Cain was still a looming threat, but with Julia and Sam by his side, Dean felt more equipped to face it.

"Yeah, yeah," Dean said, waving her off. "Let's not get too mushy, alright? We've got work to do."

But despite his usual tough exterior, there was no hiding the small, genuine smile that crept onto his face as he looked around the room. For the first time in a long time, things felt... good.

And for now, that was enough.

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barbasbodaciousbeard · 4 years

Text

Accidental Feminist Icon

Between my own headcanon Barba becomes a very niche viral celebrity for being a mix of feminist icon giving one liners on the news and handsome/well dressed and the DJ Khaled post, this happened.

“Counsellor, are you listening?” Olivia asked as Rafael Barba looked at his phone again. It had been months now since he started trying Manhattan SVU’s cases, and she hadn’t seen him this distracted before.

“I just- why do I have rapid fire Twitter notifications? Over one hundred and fifty?”

“You have Twitter?” He rolled his eyes, not proud of the admission. But he liked to follow politics and music and satire. His colleagues would have discourse on legal proceedings and theory. But when he opened his notifications, the sea of professional headshots making up the icons in his notifications window were replaced by cartoon avatars and selfies. Handles like @Bradley_GreedADA were replaced with @feministkilljxy.

What was happening?

Why were there GIFs of him now?

“Rafael?” He was snapped back to attention by Olivia’s hand passing over his phone screen, and he shook his head, holding the screen out to her. “What am I looking at?”

“Why have a couple hundred- are these all teenagers?”

“Are they following you? Or tagging you?”

“Both?” He scrolled through the mentions.

“Both.” A questioning look.

“Have I gone viral?” he asked herr, eyes wide and his tone disgusted. Twitter was where he posted law books, nice dinners out, homemade dinners in, and the nicer scotch he drank. Sometimes even pictures of himself; some of his friends enjoyed fashion as well, and their twitters all had a heavy thread of their suspenders and ties. Suddenly, he was having photos he’d posted to flaunt his ability to mix patterns retweeted in appreciation of something more than the color scheme.

“I think you have. What have you said now?”

“The girl whose tweet I keep getting tagged in mentioned Jocelyn Paley and the Adam Caine case.”

“That was seven months ago.”

“I’m very aware. I have to get to the office. I’ll get you that warrant.”

He continued to scroll as he walked, alarmed by the number of followers he was gaining and going to open a direct message from a friend to see a wall of messages from names he didn’t know. Once he was able to find Bradley’s message, he saw it was series of tweets with videos and GIFs of him on the courthouse steps. They were all from the same case, he assumed the Adam Caine case. He clicked the video of he and Rita Calhoun.

All I can say, today's Grand Jury indictment is the first step towards achieving justice for Jocelyn Paley.

The DA's office is desperately trying to distract from their recent scandal with a high-profile case.

Don't give me that--whether you're a john in the South Bronx or a $3-million-a-year talk show host, no means no.

He could remember the exchange now, and it had apparently been retweeted thousands of times. Cameras always made him determined to distract, determined to drive home a point. And now, he was seeing some group of teenagers had clung on to his words, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about becoming recognized enough by that demographic to warrant this rapidly increasing follower count.

“Carmen, can I ask you something?”

“Of course, Mr. Barba. Need coffee?”

“No,” he said plainly, shaking his head and showing her his feed. “Is this normal?”

“They found you?”

“Excuse me?”

“Haven’t you seen the posts?”

“I don’t branch out on Twitter often.”

“I see it mostly, like, on Instagram with captions and people post clips of you on vine.”

“What’s vine?”

“A six second video app. Teenagers and young women post you. Vine is normally comedy. But people are obsessed with you. Niche, but sizable number. I think it’s mostly New York girls who see you on the news. But that means the vines went viral a couple months ago.”

“So now they’re all following me on Twitter?”

“You’re viral for being attractive, dressing well, and prosecuting rapists. Embrace it.”

“I can’t post my clothes anymore.”

“Just continue like usual. Don’t respond to DMs.”

He spent a few weeks terrified of this new following, but after three days, things calmed down. The number of followers he gained was weird and confusing to him, and he decided to listen to Carmen ultimately, keeping the profile the same and pretending nothing had happened. She did stop him one day, showing him that there had been people making fake accounts, yet another thing that was insane to him. She primarily told him because these accounts were attempting to take advantage of the fact young girls were the ones following him. He awkwardly slid the handles to Olivia, and Carmen filled out an application for Twitter verification that left him mortified. Even worse, it was approved.

He was swept away in a case soon enough. Lindsay was assaulted by a whole fraternity at Hudson. They uncovered a previous victim in a hospital, a fraternity known for being a rape factory, and a dean helping create a culture that buried these attacks. It was becoming higher profile than he expected, and it wasn’t easy to try. He’d had to shut off his notifications on his phone during these cases. When Lindsay committed suicide, he accompanied Rollins when she went to arrest the dean. What he didn’t expect was for two of the women they saw to approach him, asking if they were here about Lindsay and thanking them when he said he couldn’t mention it. Then they asked for a selfie. Rafael was mortified but obliged.

“We recognize you from Twitter.”

Well, now he knew he needn’t accompany the squad out anymore.

When he got tweets from the kind of scum that supported the fraternity, it took a concerted effort not to respond. That could jeopardized the case. He’d already had to tell the two girls they couldn’t post about him being there. He tweeted a disclaimer for if people saw him out, feeling like an asshole. Twitter was now becoming a liability, but he could balance it and refused to give up the feed. Slowly, the GIFs and stills of him on the news were collected, and he only got embarrassed again when mami’s students had discovered him and realized he was the guy in their principal’s pictures. Now Mami had a Twitter, and she followed people who praised him joyfully, though he’d managed to convince her not to interact in private messages or respond to people insulting him.

The Jenna Miller case caused another leap in his follower count, and he had developed a little sense of pride instead of embarrassment when his followers jumped from people who mattered in New York to people who mattered elsewhere. A congresswoman from Ohio. Artists. Activists. He’d texted Olivia when Lady Gaga followed him. Plus that woman from True Blood. God, she was beautiful. Plus the hot boybander that had probably made him realize he was bisexual. It was weird, and he was unwilling to publicly acknowledge any of it. Unless they were on twitter, he certainly didn’t tell anyone he knew other than Olivia. Soon enough, someone had made a t-shirt on Etsy of the moment he’d turned on his heel. The media had called after Jenna, the olympian, and he’d told them no questions. Then the had the gall to bring up her sex work. He’d stopped on the steps, turning on his heel and announcing “Except for that one. Paid or not paid, no means no. Consent can be revoked at any time.” And now, Etsy users were profiting on it. This group was niche, but it ran deep. Luckily, he noticed the shop only had a few dozen sales.

Everything was fine until Rafael Barba lost his ability to maintain his composure. Up until now, he’d monitored his name, mentions, and a few hashtags people used with him. It was usually just the GIFs and stills and soundbites. He participated in some banter after the first couple of years, boundaries firm enough he felt he could. But he still didn’t bicker. Carmen said he got a following for being a good guy, and he thought it was gross openly condemning rape seemed to be all it took to be a good guy. But then through his lurking, Rafael Barba saw a tweet about DJ Khaled. He’d had to google who the hell that was, unsure who all of Twitter was piling onto, but he found the tweet objectionable enough to respond.

“Mr. Barba,” Carmen said, eyes sparkling with amusement as she came in to see her boss still scrolling through his phone. “You really decided this is the time to get involved on Twitter? You only ever respond to what people say to your stuff or your friends.”

He should’ve known she’d be on top of it. He’d given her access when notifications went through the roof the second time, and Carmen helped filter through DMs he didn’t want to see. But now, that meant her phone was vibrating like his in response to his first tweet in response to a stranger or someone who wasn’t in a thread under his own post.

“What? I’m supposed to endorse consent but not enjoyment?”

“You’re going to end up in a Buzzfeed article, sir.”

“If this is my legacy, so be it.”

“Your legacy? Taking it seriously now?”

“This is serious.”

Carmen’s phone buzzed in her hand, and she knew he’d sent another tweet. Her own account got notifications so she could monitor him. She sighed heavily, unlocking the phone and looking at it.

“Mr. Barba, does your mom know you’re bi?”

“No, why?”

“She follows you, idiot.”

“Shit. Well, I suppose it’s time.”

“If you tweet Smash Mouth, I’m quitting. These kids are already thirst tweeting you. They must have tweet notifications on for you.”

“Who’s Smash Mouth?”

“How the hell are you culturally relevant?”

“According to Liv, I’m a feminist icon.”

“Don’t get arrogant sir. I help run this twitter.”

“I’ll change the password. I do all the posting.”

“I won’t tell you if Evan Rachel Wood slides in your DMs.”

“Why would I care?”

“I know why you watched True Blood.”

“Touche.” He paused. “Do you think she will?”

“Give me the phone. I’ll bring it when Liv calls.”

“Why would she call?”

“She made a Twitter, sir. Followed you last week.”

“Shit,” he said, eyes wide. “I posted pictures of my food. She saw me acting like a Twitter guy.”

“You are a Twitter guy.”

He rolled his eyes, ending with a retweet of his new favorite addition to the conversation.

@mia-liz @chasingeverybreakingwave @thegirlwiththemaleficient-tattoo @teachingpanda

#rafael barba #rafael Barba x reader #rafael barba x oc

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mittensmorgul · 3 years

Text

aaaahahahahahhhhhhahahh the worst thing Sam ever said to dean. 9.13, The Purge:

Dean: About what you said the other day.

Sam: I thought it didn’t bother you.

Dean: You know Sam, I saved your hide back there. I saved your hide at that church — in the hospital. I may not think things all the way through but when I do, it’s because it’s the right thing. I’d do it again.

Sam: And that is the problem. You think you’re my savior, my brother, the hero. You swoop in and even when you mess up you think what you’re doing is worth it because you’ve convinced yourself you’re doing more good than bad... but you’re not. Kevin’s dead, Crowley’s in the wind, we’re no closer to beating this angel thing, please tell me, what is the upside to me being alive?

Dean: Are you kidding me? You and me, fighting the good fight together.

Sam: Just once be honest with me, you didn’t save me for me. You did it for you.

Dean: What are you talking about?

Sam: I was ready to die, I was ready. I should have died. But you, you didn’t want to be alone. That’s what this boils down to, you can’t stand the thought of being alone. I’ll give you this much, you are certainly willing to do the sacrifice, as long as you’re not the one being hurt.

Dean: Alright, you want to be honest, if the situation was reversed, and I was dying, you’d do the same thing.

Sam: No Dean, I wouldn’t. Same circumstances, I wouldn’t. I’m heading to bed.

(bolding mine, because we’re gonna talk about those words...)

The problem in the Winchester Codependency is this. We’ve talked about it for years-- the fact that yes, they’re brothers, but that Dean also still can’t help but feel “parental” toward Sam, because that’s the role he was forced into as long as he can remember. And as many glimpses of this as Sam has had, and as many small (and sometimes large) moments of insight into Dean, he still either refuses to understand this, or blocks it out, or assumes it’s all handled until the next time this issue rears its ugly head again and it’s like Sam developed amnesia again about why Dean defaults to the Bossy Parent role.

I mean, this is not to discount Dean’s own amnesia over the fact that Sam does NOT have the same hangups about feeling “parental” toward Dean in return, because to Dean the role of Brother and Parent are so tangled up together he can’t always tell what’s what.

And Kevin... he’s not dead because of Sam-- even though he enjoys putting the blame for it on himself. He’s dead because Gadreel felt BETRAYED by Dean, even though he himself had been betrayed for the better part of the entire history of time... so like... there’s much bigger issues here, but Sam reduces them all down to himself. I mean, Dean also blames himself for everything a lot of the time, but not when it’s in the attempt to save the people he cares about.

The whole “we’ll always try to save each other” that is a BIG part of Dean’s personal definition of what it means to be family on a very basic level... Sam just basically stomped on that and told him it was worthless. And the painful irony is that by 10.03, Sam gets this. He finally put on his grownup pants and did something far more horrific than Dean asking an angel he thought he could trust (based on Cas’s word about Ezekiel being a good soldier, and that angel not completely lying about his identity) to save Sam’s life, and then Sam effectively being held hostage by that angel-- which directly hurt Cas and Dean both, as well. So like... at least Dean is trying to keep the bigger picture in mind here.

And Dean has already punished himself for this in direct ways that Sam has also watched first-hand. He’s expressed how he feels he’s poison and went off and took the Mark of Cain, effectively sacrificing himself to spare Sam and Cas and everyone else from Abaddon. So that bit Sam says there in the second bolded segment? Is potentially the worst thing he’d ever said to Dean up to that point. Because Dean himself has sacrificed more than almost everyone else on this show combined-- his own identity, his own happiness, everything he’s ever wanted in life since he was four years old, his own soul in exchange for Sam’s, and most horrifically his own LIFE in a future where he FINALLY had a chance to be free and live unburdened by mechanism that caused their repeated need to make these awful sacrifices in the first place. They’d finally knocked the monkey wrench out of the cosmic gears, unseated Chuck, and then... for some reason Dean thinks one more final big sacrifice for Sam is what “was supposed to” happen? NO. No, no, fuck that sideways with a container ship.

Yes, Sam repents of all of this in s10 and goes WAY over the top on his revenge mission, because he thinks Dean is dead and that some rando demon was just using his body... at the beginning he doesn’t think Dean CAN be saved. 10.03 is the beginning of Sam’s redemption from this.

And this is why 15.20 is not only implausible to me, but outright offensive. They both struggled horrifically with these things and would eventually forgive and overcome them, only to fall right back into it just in time for the finale.

Yes, Sam’s issues with bodily autonomy and possession throughout the series are at play here, too. And that only makes things worse. Dean will only truly begin to understand that after 13.23, when he will-- without hesitation-- once again make the sacrifice himself to save the people he cares about.

I understand both of their perspectives here, but heck it’s super hard not to feel angry and hurt by Sam’s words. I mean, HOW MANY TIMES has Dean been perfectly willing to be the sacrifice for Sam’s sake, and the ONE TIME he made a choice for Sam-- bearing in mind that Gadreel was also playing ALL of them, and using Dean’s face to secure the Yes from Sam-- Sam can’t let it go. I mean, I’ve written about the “who’s to blame for this” argument and how it just goes right back to the start of creation and puts it all on Chuck for locking up Amara. In this circumstance specifically, though, this is at least PARTLY Dean’s personal guilt over “failing” that first trial way back in 8.14. Sam was never the one who was supposed to “sacrifice” himself to close up Hell. Dean even argued with him that they would find another Hellhound to kill, and Sam busted out the Power of Positive Thinking BS about wanting to SURVIVE the trials when Dean was looking at them as a death sentence. Because they always WERE a death sentence, and no amount of “golly I’d really like to live anyway though” was gonna change that. The entire POINT of what Dean did was trying to CORRECT what he felt was a pointless sacrifice of Sam on the altar of saving everyone else.

So yeah, I hate this bit here. :’D

Because as I hinted at in the previous paragraph there... THIS WAS ALWAYS CHUCK’S STORY. That one brother would have to be sacrificed so the other could live. Because that’s the story of him and Amara. Only one of them could rule over creation. Only Chuck could remain free to create the universe he wanted unhindered, and the story of his universe as told and retold through his own creations was his own self-justification for that original crime. And the final episode of Supernatural gave him exactly that, in the stupidest possible way. It was “we can’t have nice things or a happy life, only one’s death so the other can be free.” The irony was that they weren’t truly free. Dean was just ~dead~ and alone and never sought out what he never got to have in life. Sam abandoned everything he’d grown to know about himself to live a half-life without any real satisfaction, until he finally died, too. It’s just... depressing AF. And it all feels rooted in Chuck’s basic plot rather than truly winning for Free Will and humanity.

I typed on this so long that 9.14 ended, with Kevin’s admonition to them both that they stop behaving like that, since he’d ben watching them be petty from the veil for months. Dean was ready to talk to Sam, but Sam had already turned his back and walked away, completely convinced of his own righteousness in this matter. And at this point in the series I just kinda want to yell at him... >.>

#spn 9.13 #spn 10.03 #breaking the codependency #chuck's process #spn 15.20 #spn 9.14 #spiders georg of the tnt loop

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icefire149 · 3 years

Text

An Angel’s Vow

Chapter Ten - (Read on ao3 | Read from the beginning)

It didn't take long to get all the shopping bags in the house. With the heel of her boot, Claire held the front door open for Cas. She knew it was because of his angel powers, but she was still silently impressed by his carry-it-all-at-once-I'm-only-making-one-trip game.

Claire followed behind him with Jack in her arms. He was still deep asleep and his face was squished into her shoulder. His downy hair pressed against her neck. She kept a hand on his back while they went into the living room.

Cas unceremoniously dropped the bags in the center of the room. He turned and his eyes softened, falling on the sleeping nephilim. "I can put Jack to bed." He held his hands out.

Wordlessly, she passed Jack over, and watched Cas take a moment to study the baby’s sleeping face. A prickle of irritation made her want to snap, that she didn’t do anything to damage the kid, but she managed to keep it choked down. Cas murmured something to Jack’s temple, and then he left a soft kiss there. After that he promptly disappeared upstairs. A weird tight feeling circled through Claire’s chest. She suddenly felt very alone.

Trying to push that thought aside, Claire started poking through the bags until she found the one with school supplies. They somehow managed to fill an entire bag with pens, notebooks, post-it notes, and high-lighters. Now she had to find a place for it.

Claire brought that bag into the kitchen and stood there for a moment surveying the room. Eventually she decided to toss it onto the table. With a shrug, she figured the table would be where their hunter school would happen anyways.

When she circled back to the living room, Cas was already there and sorting the clothes. He glanced at her over his shoulder with furrowed eyebrows. “Did you take the notebooks? They’re not here.”

“I beat you to them. They’re in the kitchen,” she said pointing with her thumb over her shoulder.

Cas nodded, and went back to making two piles. The next bag he picked up made him pause. “Oh, this one’s yours.” He passed it over.

“Thanks,” Claire mumbled, biting the inside corner of her bottom lip. She rolled the plastic bag in her hands. Inside was the black bomber jacket with the blue stripe down the sleeves and the galaxy shirt Jack picked out. Some tiny part of her just couldn’t leave them behind.

Cas went back to sorting the clothes immediately. Sighing, Claire slowly made her way towards the staircase. She didn’t particularly want to help, but she did glance back at Cas again. The bottom step groaned under the weight of her foot. “Hey Cas?”

“Yes?” He looked up. The traffic-cone, orange sweater, that Claire dubbed an abomination, was in his hands.

“Where were you going to store your stuff upstairs: in the closet or the drawers? I don’t wanna get in the way while I’m borrowing the room.”

His gaze squished into an intense squint. “I hadn’t thought about that yet.” The corner of Claire’s mouth hooked into a small, amused smile. Cas continued, “I suppose though...that I should just repack everything into the bags again. Store them out of the way down here.”

“Why?” Claire’s eyebrows furrowed. “You have an entire bedroom.”

“Yes, but I gave it to you. I wouldn’t want to overstep.”

Her smile vanished. Claire crossed her arms. “I’m living out of a duffle bag and the backseat of my car. I’m not messing with the furniture in your room.”

Cas’ head turned to the side. “But you could unpack and use that space while you’re here.”

“Or you could put your shit away like a normal person, because it’s YOUR ROOM!”

Standing up straighter, Cas tossed the sweater aside on the couch. His stare never broke from Claire’s. “For all intents and purposes the room is yours. I already told you that I don’t need a bedroom.”

“And I thought you said that I was free to leave at any time!”

“You are. I don’t under-”

“NO. So I’m supposed to just pretend I don’t see the whole little family act?” Claire took her foot off the step. Her voice dripped with venom. “Is this whole ‘helping me be a better hunter’ thing just something to ease your conscious? You couldn’t run away from playing house this time….so why not try to make up for lost time?”

Claire shoved the plastic bag into Cas’ chest as hard as she could. Cas didn’t flinch. He didn’t speak either. The shine in his sad, blue eyes made her want to scream.

The next thing she was aware of, Claire was slamming her car door shut. Her hands trembled, and that pissed her off even more. Again and again, she slammed her hands into the steering wheel until her eyes were too blurry to see a damn thing.

Claire had no idea how much time had passed when she heard a light knock on the passenger side, front window, but the blanket of night was indicator enough that it had been a while. There was no point in looking, she knew who it was so instead she started wiping the remaining tears away with the palms of her hands.

The door creaked opened and Cas slid into the front seat. In with him came the wafting smell of hot food, and Claire’s stomach immediately growled. She finally turned to him, and Cas held a plate out to her in one hand and a covered container in the other.

She raised an eyebrow. “Did you bring me grilled cheese and…?”

“Creamy tomato soup.”

She took both, and got herself situated with the plate in her lap and the soup container in her hands. But Claire stopped herself before digging in. She eyed the grilled cheese cautiously. Only one corner looked like it was auditioning to be a piece of charcoal. “Did...you cook? Like actually made this from scratch?”

“Yes.” He looked away, leaning his elbow on the door. “And the house is still standing.”

“Why did you cook when you know it’s a hazard?”

Cas sighed, and rolled his gaze back over to her. He held it for several moments before speaking. “Eat before your food gets cold. I can still remember how unpleasant that can be.”

Nodding, Claire started taking big mouthfuls of soup. They sat there like that in silence while she ate. Cas stared out the window lost in his own thoughts.

It wasn’t until Claire’s bites slowed down that Cas finally spoke. “I’m sorry.” Claire burst into a coughing fit. Her mouth had been full, and that was the last thing she was expecting from the angel.

He continued while eyeing her carefully. “I never meant to upset you. I’m in no way trying to force anything on you.” Cas turned away and leaned back in the chair. He stared at the ceiling above him.

“I know.” Claire’s voice was quiet. She put the empty soup container in the cup holder between the front seats and slid the crumb covered plate onto the dashboard. “Loo-”

“It surprised me….I surprised me..when I asked you to meet me out here. Giving away my secret location…”

“Why’d you do it then?” Claire ran her index finger across the side of the steering wheel. “You won’t even let the Winchesters near Jack.”

Cas shifted his whole body as much as he could in the front seat to face her. “I was scared when you said you were hunting alone. The feeling was overwhelming.”

“I’m not a child, Castiel.” Claire clenched her jaw. The embers of her anger were growing hotter again.

“I’m aware.” There was a low warning tone in his voice. “Don’t mistake or misshapen my fears. This isn’t about coddling you or...treating you like you’re incapable.” The tension eased in Claire’s jaw. He continued, “Those feelings mean…..your presence as well as your absence...they matter to me. You matter.”

Claire stared at him in disbelief. Her hands squirmed awkwardly in her lap. “So the teaching sessions…?”

“I haven’t lied. I want to help you, and I want to pass my knowledge along.” His head tilted just a bit. “Claire, I’ll never be able to repay you or...make anything right. I know that, but….this is something I can do. And selfishly...I’d like you to be the best.”

Claire’s lip twitched. “That’s...uh..a high bar.”

The corner of Cas’ mouth pulled into a small grin. “Honestly, I don’t think it is. Many hunters speak of Sam and Dean like they’re legendary. And….while I understand the reasons why….”

“They’re stumbling ass-backwards into everything,” Claire grinned.

“Unfortunately, yes.” Cas deadpanned. He shook his head. “The difference maker is knowledge and I have millennia of information.”

Claire’s gaze fell to her lap. She felt a myriad of emotions bouncing around her head. It made her chest feel tight. “So….this is about your guilty conscious.”

“No,” Cas frowned. “Um...uh, well, to a degree, yes. I’ll never forgive myself for the wrongs I’ve done, but my guilt isn’t why I care...or why I want to see you succeed at something that I hear you enjoy a lot.” That got Claire to glance back at him. “I see you as my friend and as my family. Just like Sam, and Jack, and Dean. And...things have been hectic since I last saw you. A part of me honestly called you here, because I missed you.”

“You did?” Her lip twitched.

He nodded. “Initially, I thought distance would be better. I didn’t think you’d want me around….” Cas glanced down at himself and sighed. “or to have to look at me.”

“Well that’s not the case,” Claire snapped. Cas looked at her startled. Her voice softened. “I thought I never wanted to see your face again….but then I’d hear through the grape vine that shit was going down...and I’d be waiting to hear from you.”

She crossed her arms and refused to look at Cas. “I figured that if Jody was on Sam and Dean’s goodbye list for the end then I was on yours, right? And then I’d get radio silence.” Claire paused. The pain in her voice didn’t hide well. “It sucks being disappointed all over again…”

“I’m so sorry. I-I…” Cas reached a hand out but stopped halfway between them. Looking away, he withdrew his hand. His next words tumbled out in a whisper. “Of course I would have called you….I wasn’t able to when things went….badly...I’m sorry. That’s a poor excuse.”

Claire rolled her gaze over to him. “Explain then.”

“Okay,” Cas nodded. “So...Dean was dealing with the mark of Cain.”

Claire raised an eyebrow. “That was a while ago.”

He sighed. “It was, but it’s where a lot of bad things started.”

“Okay. Continue.”

“It took a lot of effort to free him from the mark, and….he was resistant. Turns out he had good reason instinctually. Removing the mark also removed the bindings keeping the Darkness out of creation.”

“The Darkness? With a capital D…...Jody wasn’t kidding about that?” Claire stared at him incredulously.

“No, regrettably. Her name’s Amara, and….she’s God’s sister.”

“Yikes.”

Cas shook his head. “That doesn’t even begin to cover it.”

Claire turned in her seat, bending a leg and leaning her back into the door. “Sooo the mark broke and the Darkness was released. Nice going dumbass.”

“I know…...and it got worse.” Cas rolled his eyes. “The witch we had helping us with the spell-work, Rowena, she stole a very powerful book when the spell was complete and she….hit me with her magic.”

Claire sat up straighter. “Magic works on angels?”

“Yes, but luckily not perfectly,” he said very matter-of-fact. “She calls it her attack dog spell. And it makes the victim rabid until they drop dead with bloody eyes.”

“What….did it do to you?”

“I….I eventually broke through the rabid behavior, but I was still at the mercy of Rowena removing the spell completely. And she was persuaded to do so, but it did have lasting affects…” Cas wouldn’t meet Claire’s eye. He was carefully choosing his words. “The spell might have killed me in the long term, but it did dig deep into my being and shredded everything it touched. I’m grateful Sam and Dean were there for me during that time. The recovery was...longer than I would have liked.”

Claire nodded and ran a hand over her knee. “What happened with Amara?”

“Oh...yes. Amara.” Cas took a deep breath. “After that, Amara was the pressing issue. She took a personal interest in Dean as...he was the last bearer of the mark.”

“Gross.”

Rolling his eyes, Cas chose to ignore that. He continued, “We learned that it took Chuck….um, God – he likes to be called Chuck – and all the archangels to cage her away before.” Claire grimaced. “And there’s only two archangels left.”

“Okay, that’s a not so fun fact.”

“No. There’s nothing fun about that.” Cas shook his head. “And they’re both caged in Hell so….they weren’t exactly available.”

There was a quiet pause where Claire was still processing every bit of information Cas shared. She didn’t miss that he seemed to be growing uncomfortable. He was twitching and pulling at his coat sleeves. And then, it dawned on her. “You asshats freed the devil, didn’t you?”

Defensive, Cas argued, “We….I was trying to do what was best..for everyone.” Claire’s gaze narrowed. “Lucifer was our only option. We didn’t know where or who God was, and Sam was receiving visions as answers to his prayers. Sadly, we were being tricked.”

She nodded. “So, rip the band-aid off. How’d you do it?”

Cas frowned. “I….I couldn’t ask Sam to make that sacrifice again. Lucifer wanted to use him as a vessel again.”

“Again?” Claire coughed. Cas hummed in response. Claire continued, “We need to go back to that later. Keep going.”

“And Dean nee-the whole world needed Amara gone. To do that we needed Lucifer. So I said yes.”

Leaning forward, Claire dropped her face into her hands. “You let the devil walk around in my dad’s body. Your body.”

“I’m not infallible, Claire.”

“My dad would be spinning in his grave...if he had one.”

“Yeah….let’s not tell Jimmy about that. He would be rather upset.”

She lifted her head and stared at him oddly. “Last I checked Heaven doesn’t have cell service. How am I supposed to tell him anything?”

“That’s fair.” Cas shrugged. “These days I feel like anything is possible eventually. I’d like to be prepared.” Claire nodded. “Granted all you need is to send an angel with a note.”

Stunned, it took Claire a moment to speak. “If you weren’t hiding from Heaven...you could talk to my parents?”

“I could.” His voice came out softly. “If there’s anything you want me to pass along to them...let me know. One day I may be able to….or at the very least I might run into an angel I trust that could do that for you.”

Claire shifted her gaze so she was looking out the windshield instead. Quietly, she turned his words over and over again in her head. She was still processing when she gave him a small nod. After a few more minutes she was ready to push that information aside for a while. She turned back to Cas. “So if Lucifer was walking around in…..well, where were you?”

“Oh, um…” His gaze fell to his lap, guilty. “I agreed for him to possess me so...uh, I was right in here..as well. Only, he was in control and I had no way to overpower him.”

“You agreed to be trapped in your own mind?”

He still wouldn’t meet her eye. “Yes.” The silence stretched on long enough that Cas glanced up and saw that the last traces of Claire’s anger had cooled. She looked concerned, and between that and the guilt of his past mistakes, Castiel felt like his airway was being crushed.

“What….what happened next?”

“That’s where...it gets...uh, Dean...would call it fuzzy. I’m aware that he did pretend to be me, but that was short lived. He lost my car. He terrorized Heaven, and Hell. I’m told…..” Cas’ voice grew quieter. “-that Dean, Sam, and some of our tentative...allies..they put a lot of energy into reaching me so I could expel him.”

“Good,” Claire snapped. Cas’ looked at her quizzically. “What? I’d kick their asses if they didn’t fix your boneheaded dumbassery.”

His tone was sharp. “I did what I thought was necessary.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that it was stupid.”

“I know,” Cas barked. They both sat there in their frustration for a bit. “Eventually….Chuck came back and Amara tore Lucifer from me. Problem solved.”

Claire glared out the window. Her jaw was taut. “Don’t do that again.”

“I don’t intend to. It was vile.” Exasperated, Claire exhaled loudly. Cas continued, “Chuck and Amara came to an agreement and the world was fine again. Lucifer was free so I spent my time pursuing him.” He didn’t miss the shiver that Claire tried to hide. Softly, he added, “But there’s nothing to worry about anymore. He’s caged. He’s just a distant memory.”

They sat there in silence after that. Eyes closed, Claire leaned her head back against the glass of the window. “Thanks….for you know, telling me…”

“Thank you for...being understanding,” Cas said gently.

She opened her eyes. “Our lives are insane.”

“I’m sorry, I-”

“Don’t be.” Claire shook her head. “Things suck, but I’m glad I met Jody, and Alex, Sam and Dean.” Her eyes looked sad, but there was a soft smile fighting to stay on her face. “Jack...and you.”

Dumbfounded, Cas nodded. The emotions swelling in his chest felt inordinate. Her words meant more to him than he knew how to express.

“Whoa!” Claire flew forward, putting her hands on the dashboard and pressing her chest to the steering wheel. “Did you see that?”

Castiel tensed. “What?” He leaned forward, studying the view in front of them.

“The lights flickered. Like some kind of power surge.” She opened the car door. “Come on, let’s see what Jack did this time.”

Exhaling, Cas deflated in his seat for a moment. He knew what caused the electrical issue and it wasn’t Jack. Cas took another deep breath and composed himself. He swiftly got out of the car, taking the trash from dinner with him. Before Claire could open the house door, he paused, “Claire?”

She pivoted on her heels, turning around. “Yeah?”

Momentarily, he struggled to find the right words. He knew that he needed to get this out now. “All...um, all you need to do is ask.”

“What?” She looked at him like he grew several more heads.

“In the future...if you decide that you want me around more...or less. Just ask.”

Claire rolled her eyes, and pushed the front door open. “Yeah, yeah. I get it now.” Cas followed her into the house. She went to the staircase and paused on the bottom step again. Her eyes found his. “I’ll consider it when you start doing the same.” She went upstairs, leaving Cas confused in the living room.

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added or removed):

@nightandwine @autumnapologist

#spn #Castiel #Claire Novak #dadstiel #supernatural #baby jack truthing #An Angel's Vow #my writing #finally a new chapter

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apocalypseornaw · 4 years

Text

Always be yours (Pt 2/2)

Warnings? Demon! Dean, mentions of cheating, sex, killing and lots of cursing

You sat just outside of the armory flat on the cool tile floor with your eyes closed. You couldn't bare to walk through that door. It had been weeks since that night you spent wrapped in Dean's arms. You told Sam you'd seen Dean, that he had sought you out. You didn't tell him everything that had happened or that Dean knew what had happened between the two of you.

You weren't praying for the simple fact that you knew with the exception of Cas no one was listening that would care. Sam had left to get the blessed blood after carting Dean inside the bunker. You'd stayed out of sight the entire time. Now you had to face Dean and watch him go through what you knew would be an excruciating process to flush the demon out of him.

"Are you ok?" Sam's voice drew you out of your thoughts. You opened your eyes to see him standing about a foot away from you "Just trying to get my head on right Sam" he nodded with a sympathetic smile "You know you don't have to go in there yet. This is gonna take a while" "I can't do that Sam. I can't turn away, he wouldn't do it to me if positions were reversed nor would he do it to you"

He held his good hand out but you shook your head and climbed to your feet "Let's do this"

--------

You took a deep breath as you watched Sam splash holy water and repeat the Latin that would concentrate the ground for the process to work. Dean hadn't looked your way yet and you weren't sure if you were relieved or hurt.

You watched Sam draw up the blood in a syringe. Dean eyed it as well finally meeting your eyes before saying "Sammy you know I hate shots" Sam shrugged "I hate demons" you flinched when Dean snarled at Sam before Sam splashed holy water on him and injected the blood into his arm right below the mark.

Dean's eyes never left yours, a groan of pain leaving him before he shook it off. "Look Dean there's a lot more doses to go. You could make it a lot easier on yourself" Sam told him then turned to walk off. He stopped where you were glued to the floor staring at Dean. "Are you ok?"

Dean spoke up "Oh Y/N's fine alone with me black eyes and all. Isn't that right sweetheart?" A flicker of a smile flashed across his face and your stomach flipped. Sam looked between the two of you visibly confused before Dean smirked "Oh she didn't get around to that Sammy? Yeah me and her had a damn good time in Colorado"

"Y/N?" Sam's voice wasn't accusatory just simply asking. You stared past him at Dean "Yeah I fucked him that night Sam" "A few times" Dean added and you felt your face warm from embarrassment. "Come on" Sam grabbed your arm to pull you from the room and you heard a slight growl from Dean before the two of you made it out into the hallway.

-------

"You didn't tell me you had sex with him" Sam's voice was barely a whisper. You followed him down the hall to the kitchen "Didn't exactly know how to throw that into casual conversation"

You sat down at the table holding your head in your hands. Sam walked to the fridge then sat a bottle of water down in front of you "It's understandable Y/N. You love him" you slowly raised your eyes and he nearly choked on the water in his mouth "How did he find out?" You shrugged "Crowley somehow? I guess"

You normally didn't hear Sam curse a whole lot but the string of words that fell from his mouth would've made a sailor blush. "Shit you shouldn't be here then" you shook your head "I'm not fucking leaving you alone with him Sam. He won't hurt me, there's still something inside of him stopping that whether it's the Cain and Collette thing. You on the other hand, our real Dean he'd never forgive himself if he did something to you. The least I owe you both is staying through whatever happens next"

He reached across the table and gently grabbed your hand and gave it a light squeeze "You're still my best friend, you know that. We'll get him back and deal with the fall out of everything that happened" you swallowed hard then said "If we get him back Sam, I'm leaving. I know Dean...seeing me and you in close quarters he won't handle it well and I won't be what tears you two apart" "and if he doesn't want you to leave?" He asked in almost a whisper and you laughed sadly "Then miracles really do happen"

-------

The second dose you didn't go in for and there were no words exchanged between Sam and Dean. You stood in the hallway listening to Dean in pain and fought everything inside of you that screamed to run to his side.

------

The third dose you walked in behind Sam. Dean met your eyes "For all you know he's killing me sweetheart" "Or you're screwing with him and me" you replied trying to not let your heart get in the way of your brain.

"Besides the lore didn't say anything about an exception to the cure" Sam added and Dean scoffed "The lore..hunters...men of letters. What a load of crap it all is" when you nor Sam said anything in return he tilted his head at Sam "Oh you got nothing?"

You shook your head at Sam trying to remind him that this was the demon part talking not Dean. You were relieved when he said "What do you want me to debate you? This isn't even the real you I'm talking to" Dean turned towards you "Y/N did I feel real enough to you? Hell come here and give me a kiss baby" you turned and walked out without a word and heard him laugh before turning back to Sam.

--------

You tried to call Cas but he didn't answer so after a moment you walked back into the room. You heard Dean say "Crowley told me all about it. So let me ask which one of us is really a monster?"

You walked further into the room and cut your eyes at Sam "What's he mean? What did you do?" You knew both you and Sam had went to different extremes to find Dean but there were a few weeks you barely saw each other. "Oh she doesn't know..man that's rich"

"You two were trying to get a twenty on me and Crowley from any direction you could but Crowley didn't want to be found and no one showed when Sammy summoned so he found a way" you looked from one brother to the other "Sam?" He was looking at Dean who half smirked "Oh he would've liked to have gotten there before the deal went down but he didn't really care about poor ol Lester..did ya Sammy?"

It didn't take a lot to put together what you'd missed. "Oh Sam" Dean chuckled darkly "Yeah I killed Lester myself and his wife married that tattooed guy" "I never meant" Sam started but Dean cut him off "Who cares what you meant? That line between us and what we hunt ain't so clear is it? Wow you might actually be worse than me. I mean you found a guy at his lowest, used him and then it cost him his life and his soul. Nice work and Y/N here fucked us both so what does that say about her?"

You felt like you'd been slapped in the face when Dean threw those words at you. Sam injected another syringe of blood into Dean's neck and you tried with everything you had to not let yourself break before walking out the room. You could hear Dean asking Sam if he or you had the stomach to do what would be needed should the cure not work and felt your knees weaken at the mere thought.

-----

Sam found you in the map room staring blankly at the screen. "Hey, that's not really him" you raised your face and knew he saw the streaks of tears when you said "Isn't it?" You pushed away from the table when he took a step towards you and shook your head "I just need a minute"

You walked past him to the room you'd been sleeping in. You sat down on the edge of the bed and looked over to the photo of you, Dean and Sam at Bobby's place that was leaned against the lamp next to the letter Dean had left that night.

You knew all that was happening had been a possibility and the truth was any amount of heartbreak was worth getting Dean's eyes back permanently green. If that night was the last you got in his arms you'd be grateful for it if he just survived this cure.

-------

You wiped your tears and headed back to the armory. The moment you got to the doorway your heart dropped "SAM" you screamed running in to Dean's side. You stepped closer than you should've but his head was dropped down and you couldn't tell if he was breathing. "Baby, please wake up Dean. Come back to us please" you slapped his cheeks lightly and heard Sam come running in behind you "Is he ok?"

"Yeah if drowning in your own sweat while your blood boils is ok" Dean answered slowly opening his eyes and you hadn't realized just how close you were to him until that moment. "He could stop this darling. You know I'd never hurt you. Just make him stop" you quickly stepped away from him and shook your head "No. We want the real Dean back"

You knew Sam was drawing up another dose but Dean leveled you with his gaze "You think the real Dean is gonna be so forgiving? I mean at least I screwed strangers you on the other hand, my baby brother? That's low Y/N. I would've preferred you fucking Cas"

"Well if you hate me at least you'll be human to do so" you replied then walked out hoping he didn't see the way your hands shook.

------

One minute you were walking back to the armory after making sure the outer door was unlocked for Cas then the next Sam was pulling you into a side hallway holding his hand over your mouth. "He's out" he mouthed and your eyes widened.

"What's the plan?" You whispered once he moved his hand. "C'MON SAMMY. DON'T YOU WANNA HANG OUT WITH YOUR BIG BROTHER" rang through the quiet air and you flinched. "We need to lock it down. Keys are in the map room" you nodded then pointed "I'll go left and make some noise for him to follow. You go right"

"Y/N..be careful" you half smiled "You too"

--------

You ran down the hall towards the bedrooms making sure to let your feet fall heavy. "Dean?" You called out hoping he'd come after you and not Sam. Sure enough you felt the air shift a half second before your back was shoved against a wall "Hey there beautiful. Where's Sammy?" He had one arm across your chest holding you in place while the other held a hammer.

Your eyes flicked towards it and he smiled "It's not for you. If I wanted to nail you there's better ways" you groaned at the fact that even murderous Demonic Dean had to make bad jokes. "I don't know" he nodded and moved forward catching your lips in a bruising kiss "I believe you but I don't need you getting in the way"

You weren't sure what he meant until he shoved you roughly into a storage room and shut the door. "DEAN GOD DAMMIT DON'T DO THIS!" you pounded against the door and heard the key turn in the handle "Just calm down baby" was the last thing you heard before his footsteps disappeared down the hall.

-------

Painfully long minutes passed before the door slowly opened. You half expected it to be Dean covered in Sam's blood but let out a breath of relief when you saw it was Cas and flung yourself into his arms hugging him "Thank god" you muttered squeezing the angel who returned the hug fully. "Dean didn't hurt you, did he?" You shook your head "Just locked me in here so I wouldn't get in the way"

He grabbed your arm "Come on. Sam's fine but there's only two more doses to give Dean" you let Cas pull you to the armory trying to ignore the growing knot in your stomach.

--------

You stood between Sam and Cas while Dean slowly woke up. He looked between the three of you "You look worried" you nodded to Sam who splashed the Holy water onto Dean. He didn't even flinch "Welcome home Dean" Sam said with a relieved smile.

-------

You were sitting on the counter in the kitchen nursing a beer. You'd seen Sam when he got back with Dean's food and had told Cas goodbye before he left but you still couldn't face Dean. What he said had stuck with you. He may have cheated as well but it was with strangers and as a demon. You had slept with his brother of all people. You wouldn't want to be with you either.

-------

Hours passed. You saw Sam head to bed and slowly headed towards your own room. You stopped in front of Dean's door and almost knocked but thought better of it. The moment you went to step away though the door opened and you heard his voice "Y/N?" You turned around with a small smile "I just wanted to check on you" he nodded then glanced back into his room "You haven't been sleeping in here have you?"

You shook your head "I couldn't" you didn't know what else to say. Every time you'd tried to sleep in the bed you shared with him you'd ended up crying yourself to sleep. "Do you want to? I mean fuck I don't have a right to ask but will you just lay down with me? Let me hold you." You couldn't believe your ears but your mouth moved faster than your brain it seemed "Are you sure?"

He gave you a smirk that was a ghost of his usual one "I started the day as a demon and tried to kill my brother but you're asking me if I'm sure" you held your hand out and when he took it walked into the room pulling him behind you.

------

He shut the door then pulled you behind him to the bed. He sat down on the side of it and pulled you between his legs. You stood there with your hands on his shoulders just enjoying knowing you had your Dean back even if he decided he no longer wanted to be yours. "Are you scared of me Y/N?" He asked and that shocked you more than anything "What? No" he glanced down at his lap then raised his eyes to you playfully "You could be closer"

You kicked your boots off then climbed onto his lap effectively straddling him. "I've missed you and not just the sex, this" he whispered burying his face in your neck. "Do you still love me?" You asked and he drew back to look you in the face "Yeah Sweetheart I still love you. Can you ever forgive me for everything I did?" "Are you still mine?" You asked and he kissed your neck lightly "I'll always be yours even if you don't want me"

You smiled and felt tears trying to sting your eyes "I've only ever wanted you Dean" he noticed the tears glistening in your eyes and gently wiped them away "Those women didn't mean anything. The mark and being a demon..it fucked me up and i didn't want to risk hurting you. I stayed away as long as I could but when Crowley told me that you and Sam.." he trailed off but his hands tightened around your waist. "It didn't mean anything to us but helping to keep each other sane and alive. I was hurt and lost and so was he…" Dean cut you off with a kiss and you melted into his touch.

When he pulled away he pushed your hair back out of your face "Can we call this a new start?" His hands had slid under your shirt and you felt his fingertips trailing across your bare skin. "Please" you all but whispered pulling him into another kiss.

Tags: @akshi8278

#deanmon #demon dean x reader #demon dean #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester x reader #supernatural fanfiction #spn fanfiction #always be yours

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