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cryptotheism · 1 year

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A Review of The Way Of The Shadow Wolves: The Deep State And The Hijacking Of America by Steven Segal

Alleged rapist and human trafficker, cop groupie, washed-up action movie star, and personal friend to Vladimir Putin, the paradox of Steven Segal is how he manages to stick around despite being –by damn near every account– a universally unpleasant vacuum of charisma. I could go on, but I feel that no introduction of Steven would be complete without the tale of the headlock. Legends tell of Steven’s conflict with legendary martial artist and hollywood stunt coordinator “Judo” Gene Lebell. Allegedly, the two fell into an argument on the set of the film Out For Justice. The crux being Steven’s claim that he was “immune” to being choked unconscious. Allegedly, LeBell called his bluff, and put the actor in a headlock. A headlock that resulted in Steven losing consciousness, and control of his bowels. Steven denies the story. He also wrote a book.

The book is garbage, but garbage in a way that can be easily overstated. I wanted to take a page from other reviewers of this book, and call the text what it is; a fever dream of exhausting mediocrity, swaddled in delusions of grandeur. I wanted to whale on it. I wanted to denounce it like some ridiculous fire-and-brimstone preacher of internet literary criticism. But this does not capture the core, the essence of Way of the Shadow Wolves. There is a paradox at the heart of this text, a contradiction that even now I struggle to describe. Because despite everything, despite the balls-to-the-walls premise, the disastrous prose, and the buckwild plot, this book is deeply and powerfully boring. To call it a fever dream is to imply that it might be exciting.

Some books are bad in a way that must be experienced firsthand. This is not one of those books. In a way, I feel that you’ve already read this book. You know Steven Segal. You met him in elementary school, when he told you he has “every black belt.” You met him in college when you tricked him into smoking a bag of oregano. You met him at your most recent family gathering, where you were trapped in an awkward one-sided conversation about “those people.” The bad-ness of Steven’s work is deeply familiar.

We have our boots. We have our waders. We have our shovels. But, before we wade into the shit, there is one more thing we need to get out of the way: The Shadow Wolves are real. In 1972 the United States government agreed to the Tohono O'odham Nation’s demand that border enforcement agents patrolling their land have at least one quarter native ancestry. The result being the specialized unit of Immigration and Customs Enforcement officers known as The Shadow Wolves. In the 2020 Sonic the Hedgehog film, Dr. Eggman states that they are who trained him in the art of tracking.

WAY OF THE SHADOW WOLVES

Let us cook Way of the Shadow Wolves from scratch. Think of every dogshit C-list action movie you’ve ever seen. Ideally, you want the trash cuts of post-9/11 hysteria marbled with ex-cia heroes and vaguely arab villains. Drop it all into a stockpot. Next, roughly dice some comic books and kung-fu movies, the more racist the better. Now add some datura, it doesn't matter if it's edible or not, because you saw a native American in a movie make something like that once and you’re totally 1/64th Cherokee. Add a whole can of Qanon and a whole can of racism. Boil until you have pacing thicker than mud.

Way of the Shadow Wolves is a police procedural meets a spy thriller, a fast-paced action drama about elite agents on the fringes of the law who have the huge sweaty meaty balls to do what needs to be done for our country. It is Steven's attempt at the action schlock he embodies as an actor. Our hero is John Gode: Shadow Wolf. Reservation-born native American tracker, ICE agent, and Kung-Fu master. I believe he might have been described at one point. If he was, I do not care. Steven does not care. It does not matter. John Gode is Steven, and he’s the most badass dude to ever not be gay. He is: Special Agent Shaman Cop. He’s gonna beat up the deep state. That’s all you need to really need to know. In fact, it is shocking just how little you need to know about this book.

We begin in a movie theater, where our protagonist is alone, watching the end credits of a movie about the atrocious treatment of native Americans on behalf of the united states government. When the film finally ends, John says to himself “It’s about time.” He gets up to leave. The chapter immediately ends. My compliments to the chef. A delightfully bland apéritif of a character introduction. Steven uses the essential point of first contact with our protagonist to tell us vital information like “He doesn’t like it when movies are long.” or maybe “He didn’t like this movie about the trail of tears.” It is unclear. To quote English-Albanian philosopher Dua Lipa, “Go girl, give us nothing.”

I have been dancing around the quality of the writing. It seems impossible to approach without the footing of a new paragraph, an opponent that requires full-focus, an all-out assault. It is nigh-incomprehensible. I hate comparing bad writing to drugs. It feels too easy. But there is a specific air to Way of the Shadow Wolves. There is a distinct cadence, simultaneously manic and lethargic, that comes from attempting to write while day drunk on over-prescribed amphetamines. And make no mistake, if Steven was not entranced by the muse of Too Many Uppers And Downers At The Same Time, if he wrote this thing stone sober, that is worse. Small quotes will not do the writing style justice, you must see for yourself how sentences flow into each other:

“The desperado’s mind went back in time to a small town in Mexico twelve years before, where he first met his two cohorts when they were thrown together by a tragic set of circumstances. Their parents had been gunned down by a cartel who was at war with a competing cartel for control of the area, which was a pathway to the American border near Nogales, Arizona. All three had been shepherded to a local mission where they were being cared for by the Franciscans, who were becoming overwhelmed by the growing number of children left homeless due to the rampant killings by the warring cartels . . .”

Labyrinthine. A paragraph structure that would feel more at home with Calvino, or Garcia Marquez at his most experimental, though stripped of its deft control and musicality. Segal will regularly change temporal perspective in the middle of sentences. A single run-on sentence will begin in the past, have a middle clause in the present, and then return to the past by the end. There is a downright massive cast of characters for a 200 page book. Damn near every chapter introduces three or four more names, and we are lucky if Steven describes them before discarding them entirely. This book is a slog. I find myself losing patience with Steven.

—

Some time has passed since I began writing this review. Originally, my approach was surgical disassembly. I was going to go over the plot, summarize its anatomy, pick apart its flaws with surgical precision. But the more I cut, the more I felt as if I was the butt of a joke. I was performing an autopsy on a clown, pulling sheets of colorful rope from its gut, and the cadaver was laughing at me.

There is a moment, about halfway through. A woman approaches John at a bar. An assassin, who later attacks John in the parking lot with karate. A furious series of crescent kicks, effortlessly blocked by John Gode, who punches her in the ribs and knocks her to the ground. Realizing that her martial arts are defeated, she draws her gun, but John Gode is too fast. He fires his own weapon before she can get the shot off, killing her instantly. “Her round went upward toward the sky as she fell backward with eyes wide open, seeing nothing.”

This scene stuck with me. It illustrates one of the critical flaws at the heart of Way of the Shadow Wolves. Nothing hurts John. Nothing even gets close. He does not struggle. He does not sweat. He does not bleed. Steven clearly intends this scene to be badass, a moment where his self-insert hero defeats a dangerous enemy without trying. This book is an action movie, but John’s untouchability makes every action scene read as a moment of profound and boring cruelty. This was not a contest of master martial artists. This was an adult kicking a child in the throat.

I find myself losing patience with Steven. I am running out of humorous ways to describe this vapid tripe. This is, in my mind, the greatest condemnation of bad writing. There is no hell lower than being boring to mock. I see myself as a sort of sommelier of the awkward and disastrous. I will be the first to tell you “Wait! Don’t throw that out! There are things to be learned!” But Steven repeatedly proves himself to be a sort of Alchemist of Shit, capable of transmuting theoretically interesting bullshit into just fucking nothing. If this book deserves credit for anything, it is its miraculous ability to squander its own premise.

Why write this? Any of this? Steven clearly does not read. Or, if he does, he seems to subsist entirely on a diet of comic books about monkeys that do kung-fu. Why write this? At some level it all comes down to “because Steven wanted to” right?

Right?

But I cannot shake the feeling. To call this book masturbatory is to imply that Steven might have enjoyed it. There is a desperation to the power fantasy here. To be feared by men, desired by women, revered by all, yaddah yaddah yaddah, all the same trite excretions of blunt masculinity. But there is something else. Steven wants the same thing that every conspiracy theorist wants; a simple world. A world he can understand. Steven is exhausted, overwhelmed with a world he feels he can neither effect nor understand. I am exhausted.

I fear my earlier allusions to expressionist novels may have been more spot on than I imagined. Way of the Shadow Wolves has a plot in the sense that Sunny-D contains fruit juice. Its presence is a formality, a ceremonial hat worn for tax purposes. The plot is there, but it is unimportant. This is not a text that can be debated with. Because within the world of the text, politics is not complex. It is not actually a web of interconnected groups, each with their own interests, rivalries, alliances, and historical contexts. Behind all of it is two things: Good guys, and bad guys. The good guys are all working together, and the bad guys are all working together.

I find myself losing patience with Steven. I fear my earlier allusions to expressionist novels may have been more spot on than I imagined. Way of the Shadow Wolves has a plot.

John Gode finds a human tooth in the desert. It belongs to a body, a body of a woman described in lurid detail. Nearby, he meets a young native American man, a man who calls himself Sweet Tooth. The body is missing teeth, missing hands, missing feet. A trademark cartel killing. A young native American man. “I’m gonna be like, your assistant right?” A buddy cop dynamic. Meeting the task force. Tailing an ICE van full of cartel soldiers. A hostage situation. A shootout in the desert. Far away, faceless men in suits with masonic ranks plan a mass killing. Some sounded like they had Arabic accents. Freemasonry. Interrogation with a snake. The corpse was a woman. The woman was a reporter. She had the evidence on a flash drive, evidence that proved the existence of the deep state. What if its all connected? A sex scene, or almost a sex scene. A sex scene interrupted. A shootout in the desert. Kung Fu assassins at a bar. A cartel defector. A shootout in the desert. What if its all connected. They’re working with the Jihadists. The USA is already “half latino.” The government is paying the cartels to ship Jihadists north across the border. They’re well-trained and well armed. You can’t trust anyone. A terrorist defector who hears the voice of the prophet. The ghost of John’s grandfather. The sun sets over the Sonora. A shootout in the desert. They kidnapped John’s mother. Bring them the flash drive. They’re planning to bomb the casino. A shootout in the desert. The police chief was a traitor. The Catholics are in on it. Its all connected. A shootout in the desert. Assault by night. Rescuing the hostage. A knife dipped in pigs blood. A pit of vipers in the sonora.

Steven ends a chapter with the line. “They had functioned like a well-oiled machine that had just saved two innocent lives. All lives matter. Do they not?”

I am tired. I find myself at a neighborhood block party, trapped in a conversation I’ve had a thousand times. This time the man on the other end is a sweaty divorcee in range glasses who looks like a sunburned thumb. Last week, it was a woman with a necklace of crystals and blonde hair bleached blonder. “Haha yeah” I say, looking down at my phone. “Burgers look good this year huh?”

Thank you to my Patreon supporters who made this review possible.

#Steven Segal Review

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sirfrogsworth · 1 year

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These folks watched a whole ass movie not realizing the main character was transgender and it was a 2 second kiss between men that made them lose their ever-loving minds.

It's amazing to me that if it weren't for those 2 seconds, many of these folks would have given this movie a 4 or 5 star review. But two seconds of the most vanilla, non-sexy, yet genuine and loving kiss somehow ruined every moment of enjoyment the previous 90 minutes brought them.

Imagine if they realized the trans allegory. I wish I had a way to tell them. I wish I had a way to make them realize they related to a trans character. That they rooted for them. That they accidentally empathized with a trans story.

This was a beautiful movie. In every sense. I really hope between this and Spider-Verse, we can have a moratorium on every 3D animated movie using this style of character design.

It's time to let go of the rubber toy look.

I love Toy Story, but its success kind of doomed 3D animation to never take any risks. I thought maybe it was just a limitation of the medium, and perhaps it was for a time... but after seeing Love Death + Robots and Arcane...

I realized they can make 3D animation look however the hell they want now.

The rubber people were just risk avoidance.

"That's what people are used to and so we're sticking with it."

But the real beauty of Nimona was the story. I won't spoil it but the plot is pretty much, "If you get to know a trans person, you probably won't hate them anymore."

Not knowing any trans people is one of the biggest factors in anti-trans bigotry. And so this movie uses allegory to let an audience get to know a trans person. And you get to experience someone slowly start to understand what it is to be trans from an outside perspective.

It's sad that will probably be lost on those folks above because all they will remember is the kiss. Seriously, it was such a harmless, mundane, blink-and-you-miss-it kiss. But I'm hoping that others will take the lesson of this movie to heart. That you should get to know people before you judge them.

Part of me does wish we could tell trans stories without allegory. That we could just have overt trans characters. But I think this is the best representation possible right now.

It's crazy that Supergirl was one of the bravest shows as far as modern trans representation. It wasn't an edgy HBO drama trying to push boundaries. It was a family-friendly superhero show and they were just like, "Here is a transgender woman with superpowers and it's fine." And I loved that it was part of the character but it wasn't all the character was. Though I think they just missed the manufactured "moral panic" window where that choice would have been extremely controversial causing boycotts of Warner Bros. and whatnot.

My only complaint about Nimona was a small penis joke. It went by very quickly and many may even miss it. But I was surprised to see it in this movie in particular. Especially since those jokes can have collateral damage toward trans folks. With all of the positive messages, wasting a joke on body shaming was a tad disappointing. I mean, it was a fairly lighthearted "Is it cold in here?" joke. I don't want to make it sound worse than it was. But it still registered on my Richter scale of things that bother me.

Anyway, I wholeheartedly give Nimona a 5 out of 5. It helped me understand my friends on a deeper level and it was warm and funny and entertaining. There was a scene at the end that was so beautiful and heart-wrenching and I was crying my eyes out. The animation and the symbolism and the acting were just so perfect.

It's a shame Disney tried to kill this movie. But I am so glad it was allowed to exist despite that.

#long post #nimona #homophobia

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muchosbesitos · 5 months

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after hours

pairing: professor miguel o’hara x fem reader

contents: age gap, reader’s kinda clumsy 😭, reader mentioned having glasses, oral fixation, oral (m receiving), intercourse

author’s note: sry this took so long to get out, hope y’all enjoy though <3 (i do not condone student/teacher relationships irl, pls keep it within fiction 😖)

word count: 4.6k

The falling of the leaves and the chilly temperatures seemed to fade away with the stress of your upcoming finals week, the end of the fall semester nearing with each day that passed. While you'd done your part and studied the course material over and over again until you could recite it while making your morning cereal, you were just as panicked as any student would be. The exams proved to be easier than you'd expected, your studying proving effective when you got all positive scores back. Your winter break was mostly full of rewatching Elf and Home Alone with your roommate before she had to go back home, not wanting her to spend the season alone.

You went back to your family's house for winter break, spending the holidays watching corny Hallmark movies and catching up on the sleep that you'd been deprived of for the last couple weeks. It seemed like the stress you'd adjusted yourself to living to had finally disappeared, every fiber of your being just enjoying the feeling of being in the moment without worrying about what comes tomorrow or the day after that. Even your family had noted the change in your behavior after a couple short days, noting that you were much more approachable after you'd had a couple days to relax.

You couldn't help but feel like something still lingered over you despite living in that bliss, like you had still had something left to do. On the last day of your break, you'd realized that in the midst of the chaos that was studying and preparing for finals, you'd completely forgotten about registering for the fall semester. (despite the constant reminders from your counselor) You grabbed your laptop off your desk, rushing to open your school's website to get that done. You managed to get decent professors this semester along with a schedule that wasn't too straining, stacking your classes for two days so you'd be able to have the rest of the week to study/do homework.

You'd selected a couple decent professors after checking their reviews on 'Rate my Professor', only having to select a professor for the genetics course that you had to take. You let out a small groan when you realized that only one professor was available in the building for that course at the moment, all the other professors not even bothering to show up in the search results. You switched to the 'Rate my Professor' tab on your computer, typing in the name 'Miguel O'Hara' in the search bar. his review wasn't too bad at first glimpse, a 2.9 out of a five stars. Okay, maybe not the best, but definitely better than the last professor you had last semester at 2.5 stars.

It was only then that you realized what you were getting yourself involved in, most of the positive reviews being on the basis that he was an attractive professor. Different variations of "his class is so hard but he's so hot!" popped on your screen the longer that you scrolled, the few useful reviews being a couple pages after the obvious thirst. "Made me cry myself to sleep, would not recommend" was one of the reviews that popped out to you, your fingers coming up to your temples as you resisted the urge to let out a groan. Even if you wanted to pick a different professor, the only course that had spots open for this semester was this one. What the hell were you getting yourself into?

You were sleeping peacefully, the warmth of your blanket enveloping you the way that a tight hug would when you felt someone shaking your shoulder. "What's up?" Your voice came out groggy as you woke up, eyes struggling to get adjusted to the rays of sunshine coming through the window. "Don't you have an eight am class? It's already 7:30," your roommate's words served to wake you up from your slumber, your back practically shooting up like an arrow as you sat up. "Ah fuck, thanks," you muttered, your feet intertwining between your bedsheets as you went to go get up. Your butt landed against the floor after you tried to get out of the mess that you were in, an indication of how this day was going to go.

You discarded of the blanket after figuring out the mess you'd gotten enveloped in, your feet matching the agility of an Olympic athlete as you rushed into the bathroom. While you knew that you were most likely going to be late, you wanted to reduce the amount of time which you were late by. You made quick work of brushing your teeth, the minty taste of your toothpaste filling up your nostrils as it got rid of your morning breath. Your hands couldn't work fast enough to rub in your body wash, your rag almost slipping from your fingers a couple times just from the sheer velocity. You’d even resorted to begging with the shower head, prompting it to rinse you off faster than it was doing.

You got out of the shower to see that the clock on your nightstand read 7:50, confirming your thoughts that you were going to be late. You peeled the towel from your body once you felt that you were dry enough, rushing over to your closet to pick out something to wear. You figured that those comments underneath the website were exaggerating, almost like you wanted to validate your decision for picking out a pair of grey sweatpants. After putting the bottoms on, you settled for putting a black hoodie on along with the first shoes that you found in your closet. In your rushed attempts to get dressed, you didn't notice that you'd grabbed two different sets of shoes, the two of them coming out to be a left.

You had to resist the urge to groan out at your situation, keeping the shoe that you had on before going back to your closet to find the matching pair. Almost as if the shoe could sense your despair, it managed to vanish into thin air when you needed it most. The floor of your closet looked like the aftermath of a hurricane, clothes scattered all over the floor with some shoes landing next to them in your search. You gave up on looking for the other shoe after you made sure to check in what seemed to be every inch of your closet, only to find it under your bed where you'd just been a couple minutes beforehand. While you wanted to reprimand yourself for not bothering to look there first, it could wait with the time crunch that you were running in.

Not only were you late, but you had managed to get lost in the first couple minutes of stepping into the building. Your feet make quick work of going up and down the stairs, your eyes darting across the different classrooms in attempt to find the room number that you were looking for. You were a panting mess by the end of it, and not only that, but it was now 8:15 and you were nowhere near where you had to be. You let out a small resigned sigh and decided to make your way downstairs to the information desk, your foot impatiently tapping on the floor as you waited for the line to disappear in front of you. Your eyes kept darting over to the clock nervously, like with the sheer power of your mind, you'd be able to stop time for the moment.

"Hi, what can i help you with?" The woman at the desk asked you as you approached, your hands almost dropping your phone as you took it out so you could tell her the room number. "Hi, I'm looking for room A143, do you know where I could find that?" You asked her, taking a couple seconds to catch as your breath as your eyes followed the direction she was pointing in. The stupid classroom had been in the hallway behind you. "Thank you," you managed to get out before collecting yourself, pushing your backpack over your shoulders as you retreated back to the hallway she pointed at. Most of your professors had been pretty cool with their late policy so you weren't stressing out too much about what their reaction would be.

The noises in the classroom came to a halt, the only thing that could be heard was the door closing behind you. You could feel everyone's eyes on you as you walked in, their gazes following you as you walked to find a seat. You felt like the newest spectacle at the circus, even the teacher had stopped what he was doing as you made your way through the vast amount of seats. What the fuck is so interesting that they can't stop looking? The class continued with what was being discussed after you found your seat, the subject on the board being about how crucial it is to show up to class.

"Before we were rudely interrupted, I was going over how important it is to be attending class. On time. While the lessons are recorded online, there are some pop quizzes in this course and I do not offer any sort of retakes for those," the professor spoke, his words almost seeming to be directed towards you after the unceremonious entrance you'd made. Well, that and the glare that he wore on his face after you'd come in. Your eyes darted down to his front row, already noticing his adoring group of fans nodding and smiling at his every word like he was a form of a god. You resisted the urge to laugh at the fact, looking back up at the Powerpoint he was explaining in heavy detail.

"Excuse me, can I talk to you for minute?" You heard from behind you, your professor resting his hand on your shoulder just as you were trying to leave. "Yes, professor? My apologies about being late, I got lost on my way her-" you started off, trying to offer him some kind of explanation but he was quick to stop that notion before you had the chance to finish speaking. "Save me your excuses. You'll be quick to learn that the world isn't accommodating to your every need and desire. Now, what I just wanted to say is that I expect you to act like you at least want to be in my class. I don't have time to deal with slackers like you, and if you thought this was going to be an easy A, I would recommend dropping out immediately," his tone came out cold as he spoke, the grip on your shoulder loosening to let you know you'd been dismissed.

You weren't even sure if anything you would've said to him would've been able to change his mind so you chose to leave while your pride was still intact. While you weren't an overachiever in your academic career by any means, you wanted him to swallow the words that you knew he was thinking. The words that he was implying when he told you he wouldn't stand for you being a waste of his time, wanting to prove him wrong and show that you were more than capable of being in his classroom. So you decided to make yourself focus more on his textbook, of studying his material more often so you'd have an easier time understanding what the lectures were about.

In that process, you'd also started making an attempt to dress up a bit for the days which you'd have class for. You'd asked your roommate to borrow some of her shirts, never touching the skirts she kept at the back of her closet. You figured that the shirts in enough themselves were enough to push you out of your boundaries, the cropped material a stark difference to the band graphic tees that you often chose to wear. You wanted to excuse it as it being that you wanted to appear more professional in front of Miguel, but the truth was that you just didn't want him to see you in clothes you'd probably go to bed in after coming home from campus.

You'd been rigorously studying for a days now, your under eyes starting to turn black with how much time you're spending in the library. Your eyes strained as you read the textbook underneath you, having stayed up until four in the morning the day prior to get an assignment done. The desk wasn't something that you deemed particularly comfortable in the moment, but you figured that it would at least be comfortable for your nap. As soon as you let your head make contact with the table underneath you, you could've sworn that thing turned into the best memory foam mattress. You turned on your alarm for a couple minutes, wanting to just close your eyes for a bit before going back to studying.

While you had been alert enough to turn off your alarm when you heard the screeching app on your phone wail for your attention, you weren't alert enough to keep your eyes open after you did. So much for staying awake. Your arms proved to be the most comfortable mattress at the moment as you laid your head down, your glasses making their way down to the tip of your nose. Your break was starting to be longer than you expected it to be, but you figured you'd just spend more hours awake afterwards to make up for the fact. For now, though, the least you could do was enjoy the serene atmosphere of the library and the comfortability of the desk underneath you.

You felt someone's touch against your face, a finger pushing your glasses up to the bridge of your nose. While the gesture felt nice at first, the person's voice you heard speaking to you was anything but. "Wake up, it's already nine," your genetics professor's voice called out to you, your eyes fluttering open in a frenzy as his words sunk in. "Ah, thank you," you muttered, still half asleep as you sat up to face him. You looked up at him in your dazed state, noticing the way that he was already looking down at you like he wanted to make sure you were okay. Or maybe that you weren't high, considering who you were standing in front of.

"I was printing some papers out when I saw you all slouched over the table, wanna tell me what you're doing here after hours?" He asked, setting down the stack of papers as he kept his firm gaze on your own. "Didn't mean to stay here so late, I was planning on taking a break from my studying but my alarm didn't really wake me up," you spoke up, rubbing your eyes as you got adjusted to the library's harsh lighting. You stretched out your arms, sitting up straight before fixing the scattered papers underneath you. You were expecting him to leave afterwards, but he surprised you by picking up the textbook you'd been annotating on.

"I can tutor you if that's something you'd like," he suggested, the string of surprises only continuing with how nonchalant he was being with his offer. "You don't have to do that," you muttered, starting to put your stuff away before you embarrassed yourself any further. "I wouldn't offer if I didn't want to do it, it seems i misunderstood your lateness as disinterest and I apologize. Please let me make it up to you," he told you, his fingertips barely grazing yours as he handed your textbook back to you. "Alright. I'll send you an email just to confirm and ask what days work for you, professor. Thanks for waking me up and the whole thing," you finally conceded, knowing that this was more of an advantage for you than him.

Your tutoring sessions with Miguel were on Mondays and Fridays which coincided with your schedule, so you could at least give him some kudos for his consideration. "Here, you're gonna mess up your teeth if you keep it up with those damn pens," he spoke out of the blue one day while you were in the middle of reading, his hand extended to offer you a cherry lollipop. "Thanks, I didn't think I was being too obvious with the pen thing though," you responded, taking the lollipop out of its wrapper before sticking it in your mouth. "My hearing's somewhat sensitive, thought it was a mouse in the walls or something," he explained, bringing in a lollipop everytime the two of you would meet up.

"Yeah, there you go. That's it, complete that thought princess," you heard from behind you, Miguel’s praise shooting down to your core as soon as you heard it. You weren't sure what it was about him that made you seek out his approval so much, the need to have him approve the work that you did. You could admit that you didn't understand the copious amounts of thirsty comments left under his Rate my Professor page at first, but with the way that he was talking to you now, it was definitely much more easier to understand their perspective. "You're improving so much in my class, I always knew you were a smart one. Nomas era de ponerte las pilas," his feedback was surprisingly positive as he read through your work, only a couple red markings on grammatical errors in your paper. (it was just about getting your act together)

You found yourself participating in class more and more often just to hear the little "good job's" that he would give you as a result, his attention locked on you as you explained the material based on what you believed it to be. You couldn't help but seek out the way that he looked at you more and more, growing enamored with the way he just maintained eye contact while you spoke like you were the most interest person in the room. You hated to admit, especially to yourself, but you were slowly starting to feel like those girls that just took his course for the fact that Miguel was the professor. Not only would his praise be consistent throughout the lectures, but he made sure to provide you with positive feedback throughout your tutoring sessions.

Your thoughts kept going back to what it would be like to have your mouth wrapped around his cock instead of the stupid pen you'd settled for, your drool leaking out of the corners of your mouth. You would settle for just warming his cock with your mouth, having him use you as some form of relief while he harshly annotated on students' papers. And maybe, just maybe, when he was done with that, he'd let you suck his cock the way that you wanted to. Your tongue swirling around the tip of his cock the way you'd sucked on lollipops, your mouth eagerly taking his cock. You could practically feel your mouth salivate at the image of him cum painting your face white, your tongue catching a few of the drops as you looked up at him.

Your fantasies seemed to come to life when he tapped on your shoulder after he was finished passing out the exam papers, his stare almost seeming to know what lewd thoughts you'd been having about him. "Stay after class for me, will you?" Miguel asked you after passing you the paper, making sure nobody was looking around as he spoke to you. You nodded along to his request, your mind taking you to the filthiest of places as you wondered just what exactly he'd want to do with you when you were alone. You could barely focus on the test that your grade depended on, the fruition of the work that you'd been putting in these last couple sessions with Miguel at the library. You nibbled down on the tip of you pen, your concentration regarding the test at an all time low.

Miguel wasted no time on getting you on your knees after everyone had left, your mouth eager to take anything that he'd give you at the moment. Your spit ran down the sides of his cock as he egged you on, his praise making the wetness inside of your legs grow. "Tan bien que lo tomas, princesa. Least you're good for something other than coming late to my class," his praise had the slightest bit of a condescending tone underneath it, but with his balls in your mouth, you were willing to overlook that small detail. (you take it so well, princess) Your nails raked down his muscular thighs, shivers running down his spine as a result from your overwhelmingly soft touch. It felt like a juxtaposition, your throat roughly taking his cock as your nails gently scratched down on his thighs before one of your hands wrapped around the base of his cock.

His cock pummeled from behind you as you were bent over the desk, tears coating all over the assignments that he'd just graded. "Sigue llorando y you're gonna be the one explaining why everyone's paper has tear marks on it, nena," he grunted from behind you, your pussy squeezing his cock like you wanted to milk all the cum he could give you. (keep crying) You wanted to feel some form of shame as you looked down at the papers, but even that was short lived as you felt his cock push deeper into you.

His hand rested on your lower tummy, the tip of his cock hitting that spot inside of you. "Pussy's practically sucking me in, I'll give you anything you want," he murmured, his hand pressing down on the bulge that had formed with every thrust that he made. Your hand wrapped around his wrist as you tried to push him off you, all while simultaneously fucking yourself back into his dick. "Trying to push me off con lo mojada que estas? Let me please you, just wanna stay like this a little longer," his grip on your hips didn't falter, slapping sounds echoing all throughout the empty lecture hall. (with how wet you are)

You turned to look at him behind your shoulder, the sight in itself almost enough to make you cum right then and there. Sweat beaded across his forehead, black locks framing his face as they stuck onto the sides. the white button down that he'd chosen to wear today had a few of the buttons undone, his black tie loosened as the end hung by his shoulder. You let out a loud moan as you felt his hips snapping into yours, his large hand coming down to muffle your sounds.

"Shh, gotta be quiet for me. don't want anyone coming in and seeing how good you're gripping my cock," he whispered in your ear, your pussy clenching at the way his voice dropped an octave when he spoke to you. A reaction that wasn't missed by Miguel. "That get you off, hermosa? ¿Qué todos vean lo que haces despues de clase? ¿Lo sucia que eres para mí?" His words almost served to mock you despite the decadence that his voice took. While you shook your head to try to deny the claims that he was making, your pussy spoke in higher volumes than your mouth ever could. You clenched around him tightly, a new wave of arousal coating his cock completely. (that everyone sees what you do after class? how dirty you are for me?)

His thrusts were unrelenting as he fucked into you, the need seeping out of his every pore with every kiss that he laid on the crook of your neck. "Could never get tired of this pretty pussy," he babbled on like a mad man, his words coming out as broken sentences as your pussy gripped around his dick like a vice. "Fucking milking my cock, i'm gonna give it to you though. Wanna see my cum running down your legs as you stumble back into your dorm," his voice came out strained, his thrusts starting to lose the steady rhythm that he'd been working towards. You were eagerly awaiting for that release that never came, chatter in the background bringing you back to the present.

Fuck, even your fantasies were having fantasies at this point. Your thighs were practically clenching together at the picture, your slick coating the panties you'd chosen to wear for today. "Are you paying attention?" The same voice that had been in your fantasies had been the one to break you out of them, his fingers snapping in front of you. While you didn't want to add more fuel to the fire that was your delusions, you couldn't help but notice that you were the only student that he'd called out. Hell, someone was playing Cool Math Games right in front of you. "Sorry, I got distracted," you muttered, trying to pretend like you weren't just thinking of those two fingers he was snapping fucking you dumb, his thick digits opening you up as your slick coated them.

"Remember what we talked about," he spoke just low enough for you to hear, the threatening tone in his voice losing all it's power with the images ingrained into your brain now. However, you could at least manage to give him a feeble nod to avoid making a bigger fool out of yourself in his class. He didn't seem satisfied with the response that he got but he let the matter go, going back to the lecture about how cell reproduction and mutation works. You couldn't help but notice that he kept looking over at you, his way of making sure that your attention remained on the lecture that he was giving. You were about to nibble on the tip of your pen subconsciously, only dropping it when you remembered what Miguel had told you about your little habit.

You made your way out of his class before he had the chance to stop you and ask what was going on, blending into the mass of students that were rushing to get out. You were already running through the different excuses that you could use as to why you missed today's study session, maybe that you fell down the stairs? While the lie was plausible, he had a strange way of reading you like the words of his favorite book. Nothing that you said or did went unnoticed by him, little ticks that you weren't even sure you had until he pointed them out. You decided to discard the idea of lying to him, simply settling with 'i couldn't make it' if he asked about it.

You could hardly face Miguel after the thoughts that were running through your mind, your eyes drifting to his lips everytime that he spoke. Not only was the way that he spoke so eloquent, but his lips just looked so damn inviting. You'd tried to get him out of your mind after the first couple times that it happened, eventually just giving up on the mission as a whole. While the dreams that you had started to become something normal that you faced everytime you fell asleep, the impact that they left on you was still the same. Little did you know that while your thoughts were running rampant, Miguel’s thoughts mirrored yours.

You were so close to him, your lips almost barely grazing his at this angle. It would be so easy for him to indulge in a taste of something so forbidden, your lipgloss just begging to be smudged by his own lips. It would be so easy for him to forget the position of power he was in, so easy for him to pretend like he's just Miguel for a moment and you're just you. So, he did and he leaned in to press his lips against yours. The taste of the all too familiar cherry lipgloss overwhelmed his senses the moment that his lips made contact with yours, his mouth eagerly savoring this moment. It was easy for him to forget about anything other than the way that you taste, the way that you feel. Well, that was until he ended up waking up by the sound of his alarm.

taglist: @yougavemeyourheartyouknow @lazyjellyfish300 @pxtched @nympholove @ifiwasaguybrickedup @yournextbimbogf @nixinluv02

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galactic-rhea · 5 months

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WDYM Anakin is Luke and Leia's dad

I dunno if this post will reach the Star Wars fandom but I hope it does because I'm sure you all will get a good laugh at me.

As of recent I have developed a good hiperfixation for Star Wars, the thing is I knew nothing. NOTHING about Star Wars besides the fact it had aliens and...a war...in space? And funny swords. And main character is Luke or something, I spent over 20 years ignoring anything about Star Wars and somehow missing most references out there.

And recently, literally less than a month ago I saw a gif and said to my partner "oh this guy this guy looks cool, this gif looks nice" and he said "Oh well, he's a good character." And it all developed into me watching Clone Wars, the animated series you know and...and I was kinda blown away, on my opinion the show IS GREAT. And I love every character and their interactions, I love how much they focus on side characters, and they all seem very well written. I got hiperfixated really fast and saw Anakin and I was like "Omg, babygirl. He's a blorbo now."

And because of the show, this was super unexpected, but somehow I also got, really got, into the ship with Padmé because omg, cool woman. Literal happy squeaky noises of someone who was in a bad state and needed some good ol' distraction and comfort.

Now, like I said I knew nothing about Star Wars as a whole. And I still haven't watched the movies, besides the ocassional gif?

So imagine my shock, my surprise, my...bewilderment when I realized.

"Wait a minute, LUKE IS ANAKIN'S SON?! HOLY-"

Ladies, gentleman, and others, I think I came very late to this party and I don't even know how it took me so long.

Not only that, but because of this sudden love for the series, I went to my friends circle like "BESTIE, GUESS WHAT, I HAVE A NEW BLROBO AND A NEW FAV SHIP AND EEEP"

And my friends are like "omg that's amazing, what is it?"

I tell them, and of course they all know these characters and they all react like they know this very bad secret fact and I got told several times already "Please, don't watch the episodes 2 and 3 alone, it will hurt."

I feel like blissfully walking among rainbows and blue skies while everyone else know that my future is doomed. Somehow.

(Uncomfortable silence)

Not only that, but then I spent a whole deal of time thinking "Where the heck I have seen these guys" cus there was some fmailiarity I couldn't just point out and then one day I woke up, brushed my teeth and of all sudden I realized and it was such a shock.

Do you know how SURREAL is to get very into a character, and into a ship, and then realize they're the same from that super widespread meme that has been around for who knows how much time?

I swear I thought that meme was from some old medieval fantasy movies or something.

But alas, Star Wars now is EVERYWHERE. People do references to Star Wars ALL THE TIME and it's just now I'm catching them.

I got spoilers. From a meme. In a youtube review that had nothing to do with Star Wars hah. Everything is a spoiler, the world is an apparent spoiler. Now I'm here, trying to avoid spoilers from something everyone seems to know, even my family knows. It's so surreal and I wouldn't have it any other way 😂

Anyways, if you read until here, know that a wild ride still waits me, cuz I'm only starting Season 3 of Clone Wars and I don't plan to watch the movies until I finish the series.

And yes, I made this blog just to ramble freely about SW and draw stuff because it sparked my inspiration after a long art block.

Have this doodle I drew after watching the two first episodes, my offering for you reaching this far.

Note: Wouldn't Anakin and Padmé's ship name be Animé? Cuz that's hilarious.

#rambling #star wars #star wars fandom #anakin skywalker #darth vader #the clone wars #sw tcw #tcw #tcw fanart #clone wars

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lesbiancolumbo · 7 months

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As Indigenous woman filmmakers, we knew that our path through the industry would be narrow and that our film, Fancy Dance, would have a small window for success based on the abysmal record of representation for Indigenous folx in Hollywood. As such, we channeled our collective wills as granddaughters of Dust Bowl survivors, descendants of genocide and avowed followers of the indomitable Merata Mita to give this film the best shot possible. If there existed a “how to make a successful movie in Hollywood” checklist, we followed it to a tee. Step one: Create a compelling script (after her sister’s disappearance, a hustler kidnaps her niece from the child’s white grandparents and takes her to the state powwow in hopes of keeping what’s left of her family intact) – check. Step two: Find top-tier producing partners (Nina Yang Bongiovi, Tommy Oliver) – check. Step three: Cast amazing actors at the top of their field (soon-to-be Oscar nominee Lily Gladstone) – check. Step four: Premiere and screen at world-renowned festivals (Sundance, SXSW, BFI London) – check. Step five: Receive excellent reviews (THR called it “exceptional”) and festival prizes (Hamptons, L.A. Outfest, Mill Valley, NewFest, Sun Valley, Tacoma) – check. Step six: Get a distribution deal – …crickets.

#i am SOOOOO glad someone let erica write about this because it is the most fucked up thing i've seen ALL YEAR #one of the best films of the year and after all the KOTFM love (ugh) this gets CRICKETS? NOTHING? fuck y'all

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berzahoes · 6 months

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snow lands on top | tom blyth

summary: a sutherland (not donald) and the younger version of president snow walk into a bar . . .

an: terrible summary ik but eh <3

when tom told you he had auditioned for the part of a young coriolanus snow, you got flashbacks to attending premieres of the hunger games movies. your grandfather was always taking you to the set of whatever film he was starring in and you loved it. sometimes you even got to yell ‘action’ or ‘cut’. your favorite memories were always on the hunger games set when your grandfather played president snow and now you received the news that your boyfriend auditioned for the younger version of said character.

“what do you think your grandfather would say? it is his character. what if he hates that i’m doing this? say something, you’re making me nervous!” tom said when he noticed how quiet you got.

“i’m just thinking . . you’re going to bleach your hair. i love your brown hair so much.” you ran your hands through his soft brown hair.

“we don’t know if i have to bleach it, i haven’t gotten the part.” tom reassured.

“yet. don’t think about my grandfather, think about how you’re going to be coriolanus snow.” you kissed him.

“but-”

“tom, if it bothers you that much, you can talk to him about it. i’m having lunch with him tomorrow and i’m sure he wouldn’t mind if you joined.”

and that’s how you ended up having lunch with your grandfather and boyfriend. it had been weeks since you last had lunch with your grandfather and you missed him dearly.

“it’s such a beautiful day. we should go on a walk after.” donald said as he picked up his glass of water to drink.

“it is. a walk sounds nice, but i think tom would like to tell you something first.” you nudged your boyfriend side.

“is that so? don’t tell me you kids got married and didn’t invite me. i always told you that i wanted to walk you down the aisle.” donald said sternly.

“no, sir, we did not get married, but i do intend to marry your granddaughter. she is the love of my life and i know how much it means to her that we have a proper wedding with you there. this is about . . . something else. um . . i recently had an audition for a role you’re familiar with. i’m sure you heard that another hunger games film is being made, but this one doesn’t involve the original cast-” donald cut off tom.

“you’re playing president snow.” he said.

“nothing is confirmed yet, but i’m hoping i get the part. but if you want me to back out, i understand.” you could hear the hurt in his voice. you reached for his hand under the table and squeezed it.

“why would you do that, tom?” donald asked.

“it’s a role made famous by you, sir, it’s your character. i don’t want to mess up such an iconic character like snow.“ he admitted.

“tom, i’ve seen you act. my granddaughter made me watch billy the kid twice. you could never mess up our character.” your grandfather smiled warmly.

“our character?” tom questioned. your grandfather nodded.

“i think i’m going to cry.” you spoke.

it was days after the ballad of songbirds and snakes premiered and the fans were loving it. positive reviews about the cast and film came out and you couldn’t be more prouder of your boyfriend and his bleached hair. it took some time to get used to, but he was soon back to his brown hair.

tom was currently doing an interview in your shared office on his laptop with josh horowitz from mtv. you were catching up on your favorite show when you heard josh ask tom a question that caught your attention.

“your girlfriend, she’s part of the sutherland family. her grandfather is the og president snow, I need to know if you were nervous playing snow because of who your girlfriend is related to.” josh chuckled when he saw that tom laughed.

“i was and then the three of us had lunch. that’s when i told him i had auditioned for the role of snow and he was so nice about it. by the end of it, he actually called snow ‘our character’ and it just warms my heart that he supported me taking on this role.” tom explained.

“and did donald sutherland have any involvement with your take on snow? any advice?” josh asked.

“the first day of filming, he texted me the usual ‘good luck, have a great day’ but there is a line i said in a scene with peter dinklage that’s in the end of the film. ‘snow lands on top’ that line was actually written by donald sutherland and he told me to say it because he knew that it fit the character of snow really well.” tom explained.

you smiled to yourself as you listened to tom. who knew the character of coriolanus snow would come back into your life after many years?

#tom blyth one shot #tom blyth fanfic #tom blyth fanfiction #tom blyth imagine #tom blyth x reader #tom blyth #tom blyth fluff #sutherland!reader #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #coriolanus snow #tbosas #the hunger games the ballad of songbirds & snakes

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princesssmars · 2 months

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a few ellie headcanons bc i like her c: sfw.

she is a backpack lesbian. always has a tiny backpack. they are always black or a dark green. will sometimes get a patterned one. maybe has bananas on it. wants to put stickers on basically all of them but won’t because she gets paranoid they’ll get ruined.

i can’t find the post and ong i don’t remember what type of snack girlie i said ellie was but yes. this bitch loves snacks. always snacking. had a four month long addiction to jello it was a little scary.

she can cook for herself! she can make a damn good burger. hates tomato’s because she’s a baby 👎🏽

feel like she likes the weirdest cereals ever…like bae why are you eating kit kat cereal

runs super cold and always has a blanket. lovesss those super thick fluffy blankets that make you wanna fall asleep immediately. begged joel for one of those full body blanket snuggie things and he kept forgetting so she bought a matching dinosaur set with jessie and she loves it.

despite running cold her bedroom fan has not turned off in thirty years.

loves trivia. likes to play are you smarter than a fifth grader because you are NOT gonna catch her fuckin lackin.

likes mixmatched socks. her dryer is always eating half of her pairs so she grows to like it.

calls things pretentious and overrated as a joke bc she is annoying. watching a popular movie? she hates it the author is trying too hard. if she has a letterboxd she is either giving the most in depth review you’ve ever seen or a five star rating with a “cool”.

super nervous at the start of relationship yo show affection but when she’s locked in she is always on you…cuddles all the time. if you’re getting up to do something she is gripping around your waist. it’s cute until you need to go to the bathroom and she is insistent on going with you. once when she was high she told you she’d get a second toilet so you could go together 🫤

playstation girl yawn. she was hyped for elden ring then got her ass beat and didn’t play for a month before randomly deciding to finish it in two weeks.

whoever said she loves spongebob first was right…binges regular show when high. loves breaking bad. will act like she doesn’t like romance shows but if you make her watch the first episode she hasssss to finish it she can’t help ittt… sorry not sorry i’m making her watch bridgerton.

secretly watches those family guy adhd tiktoks

has a habit of watching movies through tiktok

and those space tiktok’s… comparing the gravity of different planets, what’s it’s like to fall through jupiters atmosphere.

likes orcas… watches marine life documentaries and gets emotional.

would know ur birth chart. ever forget ur big three signs? she knows. kind of scary. weird talent. doesn’t believe in astronomy buts knows every basic fact about every sign?? 😭

has two instagrams. her main is for her art and to post pictures with her friends and you. second she posts anything. and i do mean anything. will go from an introspective into idk why hoodwinked is underrated to

loves green it’s literally her color. needs some green in her dorm/apartment. thinks about this ahead of time so when she’s in middle school she starts buying tiny plants to take care of. at the start they’d die in like a week but now she has a dozen and they’re all healthy <3

bunch of posters on her bedroom walls. hates bare walls.

likes to try new hobbies every so often! is lazy about working out but when she does she gets on the treadmill and doesn’t break a sweat no matter how fast. kind of scary.

likes to go on the most random dates. you’ll be sitting on the couch and she’ll show you some random restaurant she saw on like instagram and be like let’s go. right now.

likes when you touch her hair. rest her on top of you while watching a movie and run your fingers through her hair? she’s out like a light. if you want to try different styles on it at home she will let you. doesn’t care if she has stupid looking like stubs everywhere she’s like c:

jesse told her she had a fuck ass bob once and she almost hit him :c

such a bike girl omg. i know she used to put water bottles in the back to make it sound like a motorcycle.

who first came up with that she loves spongebob because you’re so right. tried to act like she’s grown out of it but when she’s high and you’re trying to go to bed she’ll whisper “twenty five” to herself and laugh for five minutes straight.

spider-man girl because she’s cool.

pretends to hate all the dumb nicknames you give her when she does stuff. she makes a pb&j? shes now 'ellie jellie' for the rest of the week. has a stomach ache? now she gets to hear 'ellie bellie' for a month.

links for palestine, sudan, drc

#lowkey nothing but i wanted to talk about her #love this crazy bitch #tlou #tlou 2 #tlou 2 x reader #tlou x reader #ellie #ellie williams #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams fluff

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scotianostra · 2 months

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Happy Birthday Sam Roland Heughan, born 30th April 1980 in Balmaclellan, Dumfries and Galloway.

Sam got his name from the Lord of the Rings character Samwise Gamgee. his parents were big fans of the Tolkien books. He attended Kells Primary School in New Galloway before the family moved to Edinburgh when he was 12, he went to James Gillespie’s on the edge of the meadows before finishing his school education at the prestigious Rudolph Steiner School.

After leaving School at 18 Sam worked and travelled before returning to Scotland and enrolling in the Royal Scottish Academy of Music and Drama, graduating in 2003.

Sam built a solid career in theatre in both Scotland and England starring in productions of Plague Over England, Macbeth, The Talented Mr. Ripley, Amphibians, and King John. He has also been featured in notable indie films, Emulsion, and Heart Of Lightness but of course it is one particular role that has catapulted him into worldwide stardom, that of Jamie Fraser in Outlander.

For those who don’t know Outlander it follows the story of Claire Randall, a married combat nurse from 1945 who finds herself hurled back in time to the 1740’s in and around the time when The Jacobites and Bonnie Prince Charlie made the final ill fated attempt to put the Stuarts back on the throne. Sam plays Claire’s “love interest” she is forced to marry. Further series are set in the US in the 1770’s, their remains a strong Scottish presence in the cast, and the show is filmed in studios in Cumbernauld. Sam has won a number of awards for the series.

In the movie To Olivia he played Hollywood star Paul Newman and in the adaptation of the Andy McNab book, SAS: Red Notice, he played SAS soldier Tom Buckingham. Oor birthdat boy also teamed up with fellow Outlander star Graham McTavish Men in Kilts: A Roadtrip with Sam and Graham. The series follows the pair as they explore their homeland delving into the culture and history of Scotland, in a light-hearted way. The second series of the show aired last year, the reviews were mainly positive. The duo are already looking at a third journey, this time to North America but that will likely involve indulging Heughan's thrill-seeking side - much to his friend's dismay

Sam also appeared in the psychological series The Couple Next Door last year, I am yet to catch this, it has average reviews on IMDB of 5.6 out of ten. Born to be Great the story of Alexander The Great's early life has been completed but is yet to recieve a release date.

According to reports Sam celebrated his birthday in Edinburgh at the weekend while also running his My Peak Challenge which included workouts, outdoor activities and a gala night with dinner and dancing. He posted on Instagram describing the event as a 'unique blend of wellness, camaraderie, celebration and more'. The peakers, as they are known has raised millions for charities including Marie Curie.

#scotland #scottish #Happy Birthday #Actor #Outlander

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mightmovies · 5 months

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Let's dive into a thrilling legendary unforgettable Movie Scene and please leave a thumbs up Don't Forget to Like & Subscribe 😊

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aeor-is-for-reccing · 3 months

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MODERN AU: A Shadowgast Rec List

This week, we have modern AU! Check under the cut for a whopping 24 fics that all take place in modern times, and don't forget to comment and kudos if you like them!

LOVE & OTHER ENCHANTMENTS by LivThael (2092, General) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

An imagined review and synopsis of a movie about a Shadowgast modern-setting bookstore AU.

Reccer says: Hilariously awful, I say with great love, and by that I mean it purposefully and artfully swan dives out of the AU tree and hits every trope on the way down. This was written to be as cursed as possible, and Liv really delivers both that and non-stop laughs. This is clearly a love letter to terrible romcoms, cliché fanfic tropes, and the Shadowgast fandom as a whole. A+ satire, PLEASE read this!

like 80/20 on the kinsey scale by jakia (2772, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Caleb bangs his hot TA and panics about it the next day. Beau did not sign up for listening to this.

Reccer says: Caleb -- who's only dated women before -- discovers he LOVES the D.

ask to be unbroken by chaotic_geeky (40038, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes, Unfinished Cliffhanger

Caleb gets a last minute chance to be a photographer at a big runway event. He meets the star model at the afterparty, and things go from there.

Reccer says: The premise is great, the story is excellent, and the characters are enthralling. It does end on an unfinished cliffhanger, but the beginning is so good it's worth it.

Fundamental Forces Other Than Gravity by mllekurtz (TheKnittingJedi) (40676, Explicit) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

How cold, ruthless and lonely Essek Thelyss (a brilliant student with a secret) accidentally makes some friends and falls in love: a Shadowgast college AU.

Reccer says: This is a fantastic college AU! And the characterization is done so well it's phenomenal.

a smile is more than showing teeth by thought (13642, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

"you are welcome in Zadash should that be an option for you," Caleb had written, "and I would be pleased to set aside a few days to work with you in person." Or How to seduce your academic pen pal through basic kindness, stolen sweaters, and books. Mostly books.

Reccer says: This is the start of an incredible AU with two more after it in the series. I love this version of Essek and Caleb falling in love. SO MUCH.

Paradigm Shift by full_time_dreamer_behold (114291, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Caleb joins a law firm. He meets Essek, the IT manager. Things happen. They fall in love

Reccer says: It's a super sweet slow burn!! Essek and Beau have a really fun dynamic and the budding romance is very satisfying.

(your face in my hands is) everything good i need by mllekurtz (25884, Mature) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Academics Caleb and Essek are nerds and fall in love over the course of a conference

Reccer says: I liked it!

like colored indigo inscribed with my name by KmacKatie (kmackatie) (30648, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

An exploration of tradition, culture, what is worth sacrificing in finding yourself and family. Essek learns how to make a new family.

Reccer says: This is an incredible pic with a lot of beautiful world and culture building set into it. Though I love the idea that Essek knits, I am especially fond of the other handcrafts that the Dynasty may do culturally, and this one does such a great job with it. And the interpersonal relationships are absolutely incredible!

we learn to live with the pain, mosaic broken hearts by vegabondfirelily (5777, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Sometimes things don't go as planned. Caleb will always be there for Essek, though, even after a life-changing accident. Non-linear narrative, angst with a better ending

Reccer says: I love this pic, even if it makes me cry every time. It is emotional and brilliant.

the fire kept closest (burns most of all) by Mousecookie (21822, Mature) Reccer's Content Notes: Major Character Death

Takes place on a modern Rumblecusp, Essek and Caleb are volcanologists. Absolutely bonkers genre mashup of scifi disaster thriller ghost story romance that somehow works. There is a MCD warning but it is also tagged as Happy Ending and that does come through!

Reccer says: The writing style is like watching a movie and it made me cry both sad and happy tears.

Starting with your heart (bright heart) by 2manyboys (9914, Explicit) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Essek and Caleb have been taking showers together, but it's totally platonic, they swear

Reccer says: I liked it!

scene: a shift in tempo by hanap (6790, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Essek, first soloist of Rosohna Ballet, comes across the mountains in an exchange to be Caleb's new partner.

Reccer says: A beautiful fic! I love the way the AU fits our characters so beautifully, and how it honors ballet while also subverting it just a little. Gorgeous!

A King in Cat's Clothes by royalgreen (1544, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Frumpkin is extremely suspicious of this interloper Essek who keeps visiting Frumpkin's domain (the cat cafe) and sniffing around Frumpkin's human

Reccer says: Frumpkin's POV is utterly hilarious. He is so angry that Essek is sweetly romancing Caleb.

read between the lines (everything is gradual) by SpottedEnchanse (SpottedEnchants) (3047, General) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

A series in which Caleb owns a cat cafe. It's amazing.

Reccer says: SpottedEnchanse's writing can do literally no wrong ever. It's like flossing for the brain

the golden thread around your neck whispered visions of my undoing by MarsBar2019 (191412, Explicit) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Essek is the CEO of an arcane tech company in Roshona where Caleb gets a job as his personal assistant.

Reccer says: A tense slow burn that's sexy as hell, one of my favourite fics.

Sleep, With Benefits by KmacKatie (62272, Explicit) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Caleb tries out his coworkers' mattress. That's definitely all and not that he has a major crush on Essek.

Reccer says: I liked it!

take chances by 06151126 (3021, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Essek left Formula One and came back, but his return isn't going well. He hires Caleb to help.

Reccer says: This is the second work in a series, and the whole thing is wonderful! Well written and honest, it's very cool to see how Essek and Caleb come together over the course.

Empire of Lights by mllekurtz (TheKnittingJedi) (17215, Explicit) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Rosohnans call it the rainy season: a time of humid days, heavy showers, and suffocating heat. Caleb, who feels less and less like a stranger in the city he recently decided to call home, finds it's also a time for revelations.

Reccer says: This is a fantastic, sweet AU of our wizards getting together and I love it.

A mile high by Mousecookie (545, Mature) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Caleb and Essek (try to) get frisky in an airplane lavatory.

Reccer says: It's cute and funny.

The Kitchen Sink by mousecookie (17126, Mature) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Essek is a supermodel and Caleb is a jack-of-all-trades, and they keep meeting in increasingly unlikely circumstances. WIP with 6/12 chapters.

Reccer says: It's funny and the writing style is almost Pratchett-esque at times

The following fics each received 2 recs each!

Something to Believe in by AwesomeFroggy (108948, Teen) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Essek's mother sends him to Nicodranas as punishment, where unbeknownst to her he already has a friend. Jester thinks he'd really get along with her friend Caleb.

Reccer 1 says: I liked it! Reccer 2 says: This is an amazing incredible story! I love it so very much! The story is complete, though it is marked as one chapter left as no epilogue is out. Don't let that stop you from reading! I love every single second of this story so very much.

I’ve been lost before (and I’m lost again, I guess) by toneofjoy (165k, Explicit) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

Rock climbing AU! Caleb is the new athlete to the gym and Essek takes over his training. Despite the specter of their pasts, feelings blossom.

Reccer 1 says: It's well written, most of the esoteric climbing stuff is explained well, and I really enjoy their characterizations. There's a good balance between the relationship-building and the climbing part. Reccer 2 says: This is top three Shadowgast stories ever. It's a wild, beautiful, heartfelt ride. It's worth every second of time it takes to read. Also, this will make you want to take up climbing or at least start watching climbing. It's so well written and enjoyable. Everyone should at least give it a try!

The Secret Romance of Caleb Widogast by Cardinal_Daughter (15680, Explicit) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

All Caleb wants is a peaceful, romantic weekend alone with his boyfriend. The boyfriend none of his friends know about. Naturally, nothing goes quite as planned.

Reccer 1 says: a sweet and silly story where we get a glimpse of the absolute chaos of a M9 group chat Reccer 2 says: A fantastic AU with a brilliant sequel. I love it!

coping skills by eldritchmochi (251061, Explicit) Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes

BDSM fic for a disabled Essek and the trials he experiences

Reccer 1 says: There is so much good about this WIP! The depiction of both Essek’s disabilities and the kink community are so well done, and the characterization is super fun. Well written and super hot. Reccer 2 says: This is one of the best long fits out there for a modern prompt. It is an absolutely wonderful story, heartfelt and meaningful, and the characters have so much depth. And I'm a sucker for a well written chronic illness/chronic pain Essek, and this one is so realistic it walks the line to uncanny. I love this!

Aeor is for Lovers is an 18+ Shadowgast Discord server. The above fanfic recommendations were pulled from our community for this weekly event. All fics, unless otherwise specified, will primarily feature Shadowgast. Have any questions about what this is? Check out the FAQ! Next week, we’ll be back with WIPS

#shadowgast #caleb widogast #essek thelyss #critical role #cr fic recs #fan fiction rec list #aeor is for lovers #critical role fan fiction #cr fic #cr fics

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