#feel free to message me if you want me to gift you a copy of this article from the NYT with my subscription

[sargeantposting]

ARTICLE: The Florida Man of Formula 1 (2023)

Source: Michael M. Grynbaum, The New York Times Series: F1, 2023

Logan Sargeant, the only American driver in Formula 1, is zipping around the narrow streets of Baku, Azerbaijan, at roughly 200 miles an hour. His head bounces inside the cockpit as a wheel shudders over a rumble strip. It’s hard to hear over the banshee shriek of his V6 engine, carrying three times the horsepower of a run-of-the-mill Porsche Carrera.

Then the noise stops, and Baku vanishes. We’re inside a low-slung brick building nestled in the Oxfordshire countryside. The track, projected onto a CinemaScope-sized wraparound screen, was a mirage, part of a sophisticated training simulator. (F1 rules prohibit driving the real cars between races.) Mr. Sargeant climbs out of a replica driver’s seat wearing athletic pants. He won’t need a fireproof suit until later.

In three weeks’ time, Mr. Sargeant will do this for real: wind whipping his visor, G-forces of up to six times his body weight pressing on his neck, the ever-present threat of a catastrophic crash as he is watched by roughly 70 million people around the world. For now, it’s time for lunch. “Is chili bad for you?” he asks, digging into a bowl at his team’s commissary. “I don’t think it’s that bad.”

Williams Racing, in Grove, England. It was founded in Oxfordshire in the 1970s, but it’s now an American subsidiary: a Manhattan private equity firm, Dorilton Capital, bought the company in 2020 for an estimated $200 million.

F1 teams employ hundreds of employees and spend hundreds of millions of dollars developing the world’s most sophisticated racecars.

Reaching Formula 1, the highest level of international motor sport, is a big step for Mr. Sargeant, 22, a South Florida native who began racing rudimentary cars known as karts at 6 years old and this year joined the Williams Racing team as the first full-time American F1 driver since 2007.

For Formula 1 itself, finding a hometown hero for American fans is a giant leap.

Although it is enormously popular in Europe, F1 struggled for decades to break into the United States. That began to change in 2016, when the sport was purchased for $4.4 billion by the Colorado-based Liberty Media, owned by the cable magnate John Malone. Liberty ramped up its social media — F1 had barely kept a YouTube page — and backed a popular Netflix documentary series, “Drive to Survive.” Once geared toward aging white men, F1 now has a younger and more diverse fan base. American TV viewership is up 220 percent from 2018, and the sport made $2.6 billion in revenue last year.

Still, a subset of F1 devotees complain about what they see as an overemphasis on entertainment and ginned-up drama. Under Liberty, they argue, pure racing is taking a back seat to cheap tricks to reel in casual viewers. And they often use a dirty word for it: Americanization. “It is becoming more and more like Formula Hollywood,” Bernie Ecclestone, the 92-year-old Briton who built F1 into a global business, griped last year. “F1 is being made more and more for the American market.”

The backlash reached a crescendo at last week’s Miami Grand Prix, which was added in 2022 as a showpiece for American fans. In a prizefight-style pre-race ceremony, the rapper LL Cool J introduced the 20 drivers one by one amid swirling smoke and a squad of cheerleaders. Nearby, Will.i.am conducted a live orchestra playing the rap song he recently recorded with Lil Wayne as part of a “global music collaboration” with Formula 1. (The lyrics rhyme “Max Verstappen,” the name of the sport’s top driver, with “your champion.”)

“Pandering to the American audience is killing @F1,” wrote one fan on Twitter, echoing criticism that bubbled up across numerous F1 websites. Even the racers complained: “None of the drivers like it,” groused Lando Norris, a Briton who drives for McLaren. Undeterred, Liberty announced that the bombastic pre-race sequence would be featured at several more grands prix this year.

In the United States, F1 has long been associated with a certain European mystique, most famously, the louche glamour of the Monaco Grand Prix.

In the United States, F1 has long been associated with a certain European mystique. Its drivers race across the Ardennes forest (Circuit de Spa-Francorchamps in Belgium), the plains of Lombardy (Italy’s Autodromo Nazionale di Monza) and, most famously, the louche glamour of the Monaco Grand Prix. The sport’s stateside image could be summed up by the 2006 comedy, “Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby,” which featured Sacha Baron Cohen as a pretentious French F1 driver named Jean Girard, a snooty Eurotrash foil to Will Ferrell’s macho NASCAR cowboy.

In 2023, F1 can feel a bit more Ricky Bobby than Jean Girard. In Miami, drivers circled a track built in the parking lot of the Dolphins football stadium, past an artificial Monaco-style “harbor”: blue-painted asphalt topped with ersatz yachts. A new Las Vegas race in November will have cars zooming down the Strip past Caesars Palace. Meanwhile, traditional races in France and Germany are gone.

Katy Fairman, a journalist based in Brighton, England, who runs the F1 podcast “Small Torque,” said she was surprised by the spectacle when she attended a race in Austin, Texas. “There were girls with pompoms,” she said. “I remember watching it and thinking, Oh my gosh, this is so different from anything I’d seen F1 do in a long time.”

Ms. Fairman conceded that some Europeans find the American hullabaloo “tacky.” But she added: “When it’s something to do with America, I think Europeans are quite judgmental. I think it’s just a bit of lighthearted fun. You guys like to have a party.”

The arrival of Mr. Sargeant, who grew up about an hour’s drive from the Miami racetrack, has spurred new interest, including a profile and photo shoot in GQ, and he’s happy to play the part. “What’s up America, let’s bring that energy!” he shouted to the cameras after LL Cool J introduced him as “the local boy done good.”

But as with F1, there are growing pains. In Miami, Mr. Sargeant finished last, his race ruined on the first lap when he damaged a front wing. After the checkered flag, he apologized to his team, his voice barely a whisper: “I’m so sorry. I can’t believe it.”

Weeks earlier, in an interview in England, Mr. Sargeant had demurred about the pressure of wearing the stars and stripes. “I try not to get too caught up in the talk of the role of ‘first American,’” he said. “It’s still very early for me, and I have a lot to learn still.”

If Mr. Sargeant doesn’t perform, there are dozens of drivers eager to take his spot. “At the moment,” he said, “I just have to worry about staying here.”

For a globe-trotting athlete, Mr. Sargeant can be soft-spoken and endearingly self-conscious. 

‘I just want to get back in the gym.’

Before his tough Miami weekend, Mr. Sargeant was asked how he would celebrate a top 10 finish. “Honestly, it might sound lame, but probably just go back to my house and get in my bed for another night before I go back to London,” he replied. “That’s all I want to do.”

For a wealthy, handsome, globe-trotting athlete, Mr. Sargeant can be soft-spoken and endearingly self-conscious. It’s not unusual for someone who, like a tennis prodigy or Olympian gymnast, has devoted their life since childhood to a sole pursuit.

Mr. Sargeant was 6 when he and his brother Dalton got a kart from their parents for Christmas. “No one in the family was really even that much into racing,” Logan said. “We just picked it up as a hobby, something to do on the weekend.” He began winning junior races around the country — too easily. To reach the next level and pursue Formula 1, he’d have to leave behind his friends and beloved fishing excursions for life on a different continent: “We just needed a higher level of competition, and at the end of the day, that was in Europe.”

Mr. Sargeant left Florida before his 13th birthday, bouncing between Italy, Switzerland and Britain as he raced on the European junior circuit; in 2015, he became the first American to win the Karting World Championship since 1978. “As a kid, it was tough,” he recalled. “Coming from Florida, being outdoors all the time on the water, great weather — it was literally vice versa.” He eventually settled in London, where he spends most days working out with a trainer. “I get away from a race weekend, and I just want to get back in the gym,” he said. “I hate that feeling of leaving slack on the table.”

It is incredibly difficult to nab a seat in Formula 1. Today’s drivers are physical dynamos trained to optimize their reflexes and performance levels down to how well they can withstand jet lag — critical in a sport that this year will include 23 grands prix spread over five continents. F1 teams employ hundreds of employees and spend hundreds of millions of dollars developing the world’s most sophisticated racecars. But it’s ultimately up to the driver to execute.

It also helps to have money. Lewis Hamilton, the seven-time world champion and F1’s only Black driver, is an exception, having grown up on a London council estate. Many F1 competitors are the sons of multimillionaires (and some billionaires) who can bankroll pricey travel and high-tech cars.

Mr. Sargeant falls into the scion category. He hails from a wealthy Florida asphalt shipping family. His uncle, Harry Sargeant III, is a former fighter pilot and onetime finance chair of Florida’s Republican Party who has been sued by the brother-in-law of King Abdullah II of Jordan and whose name turned up, tangentially, in the 2020 impeachment of former President Donald J. Trump. (Harry was not accused of any wrongdoing.)

Logan’s father, Daniel Sargeant, worked alongside Harry until the brothers had a falling out. In a 2013 lawsuit, Harry accused Daniel of misdirecting $6.5 million in corporate funds “for the purpose of advancing the international cart racing activities” of his sons, Logan and Dalton; that litigation was eventually settled.

In 2019, Daniel Sargeant pleaded guilty in federal court in New York to foreign bribery and money laundering charges related to his business dealings abroad. He is free on a $5 million bond and is awaiting sentencing. A Williams spokesman said that Logan Sargeant was not “in a position to comment” on any of the legal matters involving his family.

In F1, none of this particularly stands out. The mother of Mr. Sargeant’s Williams teammate, Alexander Albon, was jailed in Britain for swindling millions of pounds in fraudulent sales of high-end cars. A Russian racer, Nikita Mazepin, was booted from the sport after his oligarch father, a close ally of President Vladimir V. Putin, was sanctioned following the 2022 invasion of Ukraine.

James Vowles, the Williams team principal, said in an interview that he hired Mr. Sargeant for his speed, not his U.S. passport. “I’m incredibly pleased that the sport is growing in America, but I think it would be anything but disingenuous to say that Logan’s here for any other reason than I think he’s got this pure talent,” he said.

In his F1 debut in Bahrain in March, Mr. Sargeant finished 12th, outpacing this year’s two other rookies. “He has this insatiable desire to be better, to want more,” Mr. Vowles said. “He’s a perfectionist, and I like that in him.”

Tooting around in a Vauxhall Astra

Britain, where Formula 1 originated in 1950, remains the sport’s spiritual home, where most of its 10 teams are based. Williams was founded in Oxfordshire in the 1970s, but it’s now an American subsidiary: a Manhattan private equity firm, Dorilton Capital, bought the company in 2020 for an estimated $200 million.

It was an important cash infusion for a team that had struggled to keep up with rivals. Manufacturers like Mercedes-Benz pour enormous resources into their F1 teams, which double as an elaborate global marketing campaign and an in-house innovation farm; tech developed for F1, like engines that recycle braking energy as an accelerant, can trickle into consumer vehicles.

Formula 1 car simulators at the Williams Racing factory.

Formula 1 drivers practice on sophisticated training simulators.

The Williams campus is a humdrum brick pile that could be mistaken for an office park — a far cry from McLaren’s space-age complex an hour’s drive away. Many F1 teams provide their drivers with a high-end sports car for personal use; Mr. Sargeant commutes in a Vauxhall Astra, a compact.

Even the team’s sponsors are relatively down-market; whereas the official watch of Ferrari is Richard Mille (starting price: $60,000), Williams has a deal with Bremont, whose timepieces retail for significantly less. (On a recent visit, a Williams press aide was quick to extract a spare Bremont watch from his pocket and ensure Mr. Sargeant was wearing it whenever a photographer hovered.)

Given the huge costs, corporate partnerships are crucial to F1, part of the reason the American market, with its abundance of affluent consumers and wealthy brands, has proved so tempting. Gerald Donaldson, a journalist who has covered F1 for 45 years, recalled how cars were gradually taken over by corporate logos starting in the late 1960s.

“Marlboro paid all the Ferrari bills, including the drivers, for many years,” he said in an interview. “There are eager companies who want the publicity.” Mr. Sargeant’s car features ads for Michelob Ultra beer and an American financial firm, Stephens. In Miami last weekend, beachgoers spotted an airborne banner reading “Go Logan!” alongside the image of a Duracell battery.

Last year, the Miami race was viewed on ABC by 2.6 million people, the biggest American audience for a live F1 telecast. Ratings for this year’s race fell about 25 percent, perhaps a result of a duller-than-usual season dominated by one team, Red Bull.

Still, viewing data show that F1 is expanding beyond affluent cities associated with elite sports: In 2022, its top five American TV markets included Asheville, N.C., and Tulsa, Okla. ESPN is clearly betting on more growth. When the sports network renewed its broadcast rights last year, it agreed to pay $90 million annually — up from the $5 million-a-year deal it signed in 2019.

Liam Parker, a former adviser to Boris Johnson who now leads communications at F1, said the sport was intent on rectifying past mistakes. “We were too arrogant,” he said. “We couldn’t understand why the American fan base wasn’t falling in love with us.” But he also pushed back on the complaints that Liberty’s efforts to raise the entertainment factor had stripped F1 of something essential.

“This whole argument of ‘Americanization,’ it’s a very crude way to describe things,” he said. “We shouldn’t ignore things that can improve things for new and core fans. It’s about giving people more choices in the modern era. It’s modernization of access to everyone.”

Mr. Hamilton, arguably the biggest celebrity of the current F1 lineup, has offered his own endorsement of Liberty’s approach. “I mean jeez, I grew up listening to LL Cool J,” he told reporters in Miami. “I thought it was cool, wasn’t an issue to me.”

For all the debates over elitism, good taste and corporate rap collaborations, the core appeal of F1, when you get right down to it, may be something simpler — something Mr. Sargeant got at when asked in the interview if he had loved cars as a kid.

“I absolutely love driving, as you can imagine,” he said. “But to be honest, I’m not one of those people who studies cars and, you know, likes to know every detail of every single car. It doesn’t really interest me.”

“The part that interests me,” he concluded, “is driving them as fast as I can go.”

Eliza Shapiro contributed reporting from Miami. Kitty Bennett contributed research. Michael M. Grynbaum is a media correspondent covering the intersection of business, culture and politics.  A version of this article appears in print on May 14, 2023, Section BU, Page 1 of the New York edition with the headline: The Florida Man Of Formula 1.

[amourdivine]

PAC ઉ YOUR CURRENT ENERGY!

Hello, lovelies, I know it has been some time, but I missed you. I hope everyone is doing ok these days. Let's look into your energy today, shall we?

paid readings are closed as of february 2024

none of the images are mine unless stated otherwise!

pick a card masterlist & information

the piles.

1 → 2 3 → 4

how to choose your pile.  take deep breaths for a few minutes & look at each and every one of the piles separately. see which one brings you to a feeling, a place or a memory. take your time and feel free to come back to it later.

amourdivine. 2021 - 2024 © do not copy, redistribute or edit my content.

disclaimer. this is a general reading! tarot is a divination tool & is not a substitute for medical and professional advice, nor is it meant to be taken as such. i do not take responsibility for any choice(s) made by you or others regarding my readings.

PILE ONE

queen of cups ✧ death ✧ ace of swords ✧ the high priestess

Before I shuffled, I couldn’t help but feel lonely, like there’s this pang in my chest whenever I think of life and the current state of the world. It reminds me of the term “loneliness epidemic” and how so many of us are struggling to make friends or maintain pre-existing relationships. I think you are beginning to find emotional fulfillment in different things than you did before. Nothing may have worked out - at least, the things that used to work out aren’t working out anymore. There’s this voice inside of you begging for a new beginning, for clarity, and it’s slow but surely coming towards you. Where your energy is will wildly depend on how much you’ve listened to that inner voice already, but it’s a calling towards something new, regardless.

I think you’re scared because you haven’t done this before. You may be discovering things about yourself as well that are quite surprising, like new hobbies or gifts. It’s refreshing too, both painful and refreshing. Sort of like the concept of growing pains - growing up is not easy and there are no guidelines, no roadmaps. Often, we discover things through trial and error. 

You may have withdrawn your energy as well, especially from old social circles. I get the feeling you were unsatisfied. Things felt stuck. They may still feel stuck, boring and completely lost in the routine of it all. It’s okay. You’re growing. Bones can hurt when they heal and grow. The same goes for you. I see snakes here, shedding their old skin. In your case, I don’t think you have found a “new skin” already, but you’ve shed your old life either way. It’s okay to want more, pile one. It’s okay to change. We’re ever-evolving. What suited you then won’t suit you now, that’s how life goes, with the changing of the seasons. It’s beautiful to witness - and when you look back you’ll realize just how much we can shift, how many places we’ll go and how much more there is to life than our old selves.

It’s okay to let it go. You’ll be okay even if the waters are muddy for now.

This is a very spiritual pile! Make sure to cater to your emotional and spiritual needs, taking care of your physical body and being around soothing, comforting or quiet places while you tend to this new self.

channeled messages & songs: white snakes, ring, scarf, life path 8 (or 8 in general), silver jewelry, bodies of water, sleeping, bed-rotting, kundalini awakening, modern loneliness by lauv, scorpio, pisces and cancer, hermitting, social batteries, introvert, epiphany, books, the bible, prophetic dreams, chocolate, ego death. 

PILE TWO

six of cups ✧ the hanged man ✧ eight of cups ✧ seven of wands

You are returning to yourself, it feels like a sort of homecoming. Fighting for your peace while, at the same time, learning to accept what you can’t control. You have walked away from old beliefs, from restraints of the past and renewing your faith in yourself. Even the picture you’ve chosen is a close-up of someone’s outfit walking away. You’ve found dignity and you’re not willing to sacrifice it anymore. Maybe you’ve left a situationship or relationship that was draining you, molding you into someone you weren’t. Props to you for that. It’s not easy and I know it.

Your guides are proud - they’re very serious and regal. They think you deserve more than what you’ve had. Not in a self-serving way, don’t mistake it for self-indulgence, but in a human, dignified way. They see you as royalty, too. They don’t want you to settle for breadcrumbs in life anymore. No matter how difficult it’s been, they don’t want you to stop believing that things can get better.

For most of you, this is a time when you’re shifting into a more peaceful but assertive phase. You’re taking charge of your joy, your future and your responsibilities without clinging to self-blame or guilt. Maybe it took you a long time. I heard “recovery” in my mind and this has possibly something to do with a specific illness or disease you’ve battled for so long. There’s a huge feeling of relief, of taking a long breath after a tiring day. 

It’s okay, you’re home now, you’re safe now. You can relax. You’ve got this, pile two.

channeled messages & songs: therapy, journaling, barbie or baby doll, sage green, green tea, pastels, tiktok, doomscrolling, healing, “i’m not the girl i used to be”, rainbow by kacey musgraves, self-acceptance, shadow work, “i’m still standing”, camping, nature, libra and taurus.

PILE THREE

three of swords ✧ the hermit ✧ the star ✧ queen of pentacles

Your heart is broken. Someone or something has left you to lick your wounds and tend to the bruises they gave you. You’re in pain, so much pain that it may be unbearable to wake up everyday. You’re questioning your worth, your self-esteem has crumbled.. and you don’t want anyone to find you, to see you in such a vulnerable state. All you do now is hope for better days, pray a rainbow comes after the storm because the current is heavy and has taken you astray.

Unfortunately life can’t always be what we want or expect. Allow room for these heavy emotions - this too shall pass. It’s okay to be disappointed, to feel betrayed and hurt by what happened. If the ground was pulled beneath your feet, was it ever really that solid to begin with?

This is the aftermath of something painful. And that’s okay. You can’t force yourself to feel good. In the meantime, you can take it slow, nurture the hope for better days and hold onto it. I know we tend to view hope as mostly something negative and passive, but you can take baby steps towards emotional fulfillment. The Queen of Pentacles suggests you take it slow - there is no rush to healing, nothing to be accomplished, there is nothing for you to prove. You’re human, and therefore, worthy of compassion, patience and healing. Remember the Wheel of Fortune: what comes up must go down, what goes down must go up eventually. You’ll feel better, pile three. I promise.

channeled messages & songs: taking a walk, flower pot, cacti, heartbreak anthems, olivia rodrigo, punk rock, “i’m angry all the time”, hurts like hell by fleurie, capricorn, saturn, personal year 5, backstabbing, depression, navy blue by muna.

PILE FOUR

the hanged man ✧ the hierophant ✧ six of pentacles ✧ the star

You’re learning and teaching. Giving and receiving. Letting the scales balance themselves out, remembering that balance is not always fifty fifty. All the piles have had somewhat similar themes, so I wouldn’t be surprised if you have felt drawn to either pile one or two, but this one feels like a continuation of it, so it could be that you’re transitioning from one to another. Naturally, please take only what resonates for you!

You may have found a new job, a stable relationship, a good circle of friends. You know, despite the positive feeling of these cards, I can’t help but wonder if you’re waiting for it all to crumble again, feeling like the shadows of your past are going to haunt you forever. I keep wondering if you’re okay, I keep wanting to ask you. You’re scared, you’ve got your guard up. You can’t really trust it will last - and while it’s true that it all comes and goes, you can trust nothing is ever wasted. 

Let your guard down. Not everyone has your worst interests in their heart. Maybe self-isolation suited you before, didn’t it? You weren’t used to being loved, you still aren’t. But you still deserve it. Sometimes it’s easier to endure the hard things because they’re all we expect. It’s difficult to take in the good things, isn’t it? To feel worthy of them. To realize there is more to life than survival. You’re finally living now - and that’s a good thing. Uncertainty is scary, but in a way, so is the familiarity of hurt, of unrequited lovers and callous friendships. Are you ready to be loved, pile four? You can ask for the good times as much as you want, but when it is here, you have to remember to enjoy it, to not be on the lookout for the bad things so much.

We’re rarely in control. I know it’s difficult, but that’s often a good thing. Not being in control means you can worry less. You can fret less. You can take it day by day, knowing that the outside forces will do what they must and we’re all silly little souls on a giant floating rock.

PS: You’re doing well, I promise.

channeled messages & songs: self-sabotage, nightmares, attachment issues, bulletproof by la roux, bones, candles by daughter, earrings, 2024 planner, five year plan, entj, istj, quiet singing, “the pen is mightier than the sword”, studying, sweater weather, stress cleaning, autumn girl.

amourdivine. 2021 - 2024 © do not copy, redistribute or edit my content.

[ivysangel]

I am dead serious when I say that you guys need to start giving writers feedback more often. I have a fic here that has a total of 4015 notes and only 218 aren't likes. So, let me break this down for you a bit.

Of 4015 notes, 186 are reblogs and 32 are comments. Two reblogs, as well as comments, are mine so I'll subtract them from the equation making the total number of notes 4011 (184 rbs, 30 comments, 3,797 likes).

Of the 184 reblogs, 16 are private, meaning they're absolutely useless in spreading and sharing the piece. The remaining 168 consists of 136 reblogs falling under "other reblogs" while only 32 fall under "comments and tags." And of the 32 under "comments and tags," only 9 have something besides a copy of the tags that I included in my initial post.

The 184 reblogs make up 4.6% of the total notes, the reblogs under "comments and tags" make up 0.8% of the total notes, and the reblogs under "comments and tags" with anything besides tags copied from the initial post make up 0.2% of the total notes.

At one point, I reblogged the post, asking if anyone wanted a part two. That's when I got my first comments. The first 6 comments were in response to that, and of the 30 total comments (excluding my own), only two were unrelated to a part two. Which means I can guarantee that I wouldn't have had that many comments had I not posed the question of a sequel fic.

And if I add those 2 comments to the 9 reblogs, I get 0.3% of the total notes on my post that make up the portion of notes that aren't likes, empty reblogs, or comments about a part two. And that's me being generous because two of the reblogs actually do mention a part two.

I also posted a poll asking what people wanted in part two, and that poll got 238 votes. That is 54 people more who voted for what they wanted in a part two that didn't reblog or help push part one.

Don't get me wrong, I love seeing people in my notifs liking my posts, but sometimes it's just not enough. It is utterly exhausting waking up to multiple hundreds of notifications and not seeing a single person compliment your work. You guys will like stuff, follow, and then head straight to the inbox asking for more. I know it's been said a hundred times before, but we are not machines; we do this for free in our spare time.

The post in question was written when I was tired out of my mind, and I ended up not liking it, so I let it sit in my drafts. I briefly mentioned it on my blog and was met with one of my followers showing interest in the idea, which prompted me to revise, edit, and post it. It was a gift, as are all fics and pieces of art by writers and artists on this site, and yet it was treated like a commodity.

When people say it's unmotivating they're not kidding. When I had 100+ asks in my inbox, all of them being requests, I felt like I had the worst case of writers block known to man. I would open my inbox and immediately close it because the idea of posting anything knowing the only response would be more requests, was awful.

When people leave little messages in the tags, full-blown commentary, or kind messages in my inbox referencing posts, I feel more motivated than ever. Those responses are what drives me to write more. But when I, and other writers, are being treated like we're here to cook up whatever fantasisies you have in mind, I can't help but side-eye a little.

We wouldn't write if we didn't enjoy it, but the moment it feels like a job, it becomes that much less enjoyable, and then everybody loses. Just send a kind message to your favorite writers every once in a while. I promise it'll make their day.

I would also like to say that as I've written this, I've seen more people like that post. So, there's that.

[sleepysnk]

THE SUGAR DADDY COLLAB ☆

THEME:

living the life you truly desire is expensive. everything in this world comes at a price, but who’s to say you have to pay for it? that’s what your sugar daddy is for. he’ll come to your aid whenever you need something. come and pick your poison. you just might have found your perfect choice to gift you whatever your pretty heart desires.

THINGS TO KNOW + INFO ON HOW TO JOIN:

- to join this event, you must send me a direct message with what character you’d like to do. this will be open to headcanons, scenarios, drabbles, etc! the only rule is that the character must be a sugar daddy. the minimum word count for each fic will be 500 words, but feel free to do anything above that! please tag any fanfiction with the event under #SugarDaddyCollab ! please also tag me in the post or send me the link so i can properly add your post to this masterlist.

- this event will be 18+ only. no minors, please. i know i have been open in the past about allowing minors in my event, but for this one i will not be allowing them. i will be checking each blog that participates.

- with that being said, i will be allowing dark content for this event. however, i will not be allowing non-con for this. it’s personally not my cup of tea and i have nothing against anyone who writes it, but i’d prefer if it remained out of this event. if you are going to be doing a darker themed piece, please tag it accordingly! this will strictly be a NSFW event.

- to avoid the possibilities of copying, this will be a first come first serve event. this means i am only allowing one character per entry, so once hanma is taken he may not be written again. make sure you enter as soon as possible!

- if at any point you’d like to withdraw from the event, please let me know! life happens and we aren’t always able to do what we want. i completely understand, but please send me a direct message if that happens!! there will be zero judgement if you have to leave the event! this also goes along with the deadline. if you’re unable to reach the deadline that is okay! things happen once again and i completely understand.

- you may send me any questions about the event! please ask if you’re unsure about anything and i will always answer the best i can! :)

DEADLINE:

June 10th, 2023

FANDOMS:

TOKYO REVENGERS, JUJUTSU KAISEN

SELECT YOUR SUGAR DADDY:

kokonoi hajime - @sleepysnk

mitsuya takashi - @sin-and-punishment

wakasa imaushi - @wakashawty

geto suguru - @youngblood-182

ryomen sukuna - @r3nn4

chifuyu matsuno - @betterthanpekej

ran haitani - @the-witch-of-one-piece

toji fushiguro - @kenruu

nanami kento - @chiffiorra

rindou haitani - @x-noechi-x

sanzu haruchiyo - @mitsuyeaah

muto (mucho) yasuhiro - @virtue-and-beneviolence

izana kurokawa - @softbajis

kakucho hitto - @slay0368

kazutora hanemiya - @hanmatora-apologist

nahoya kawata - @intheafterall (fanart!)

gojo satoru - @fionarara

[sirfrogsworth]

So, the new lens is great. It takes beautiful pictures. And I am still brought to tears when I think about what an amazing gift this is. From a complete stranger, no less.

But there was some unexpected lens drama that kind of tarnished the excitement of this wonderful gift.

When I opened the lens initially, I noticed it was not in a retail box. It was still wrapped in plastic and that made it seem like it was new, but then I noticed there was no warranty card. Two red flags. Things that would be easily missed by a lot of people.

I was worried it was "gray market" which is a lens meant for another country. These can be imported cheaper but they will not have any warranty and if you try to get them repaired outside the intended country, manufacturers will often refuse to work on them.

I hooked up the lens to my computer so I could update the firmware. I also copied the serial number and sent it to Sigma to see if they had any info about the lens and if it was under warranty.

It was not gray market... but it was used.

Sigma's records show it being sold in 2018. Used lenses are fine. And they can be repaired in-country. But my gift giver did not pay for a used lens. Also, I wanted to get the lens focus calibrated. Sigma will calibrate the lens to my camera for free under warranty. Out of warranty, it would cost $100.

Maybe it was a mistake. They sent a used lens by accident perhaps. But then I found this review of the seller.

A pattern of behavior.

So this 3rd party Amazon seller basically committed fraud.

And this really upset me.

Amazon wouldn't let me message them directly due to it being a gift order. So I spent days talking to Amazon customer service and trying to figure out what to do. They asked if I wanted to file a complaint, but I told them no. I wanted to keep that option as leverage.

After some google-fu, I found the store's customer service email and wrote them a sternly worded message. I told them I wanted them to exchange the used lens for a new copy. I wanted them to promise never to sell anything used as new again. And if they did not comply, I would file a complaint and leave a 1 star review warning people not to do business with them.

That finally got their attention and I was emailed back promptly. They asked for pictures proving my claims. I sent them photos of the generic packaging and also this screen capture of my email from Sigma.

The good news... they agreed to exchange the lens.

But they did not acknowledge any wrongdoing and did not say they would no longer sell used lenses as new.

In any case, the matter should be resolved as long as they keep their word. But this all really bummed me out. I just wanted this one bit of joy to tide me over until I started feeling better. And I will have that joy soon. But all of the effort required to reclaim that joy is frustrating.

[funkybarnes]

happy birthday, bugs!

pairing: actor!SebastianStan x bookstore!owner!female reader.

summary: Sebastian, as weirdly as it is, giving his career and your condition as a non-famous person, is your best friend. And today is his birthday. And you can't miss, for nothing in this world, the opportunity of being the first person to give him a little gift.

warnings: too cute, not much more than that.

trope: best friend to lovers. (possibly a series to be written in the future)

word count: almost 1K. (a little short, since is my first time posting a fic)

> means message sent from you to him.

< means message received from him.

a/n: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SEBASTIAN, this is my little gift for his fans and for him. I hope he's having the best day ever. Anyways, please feel free to reblog, comment and interact! I do not allow to copy, repost or translate this work. Also, I want to clarify that english is not my first language, so if you find any mistakes, bare with me.

The clock strikes midnight on a surprisingly warm night right in the middle of August when Sebastian was packing some clothes for the trip. Not a minute passed and he heard his phone making the sound he had chosen for your notifications.

> Y/n: "hey, are you at home?"

< Seb: "uhm, yeah, why?"

> Y/n: "are you alone?"

He looked at the phone with a frown, wondering what crazy thought was on your mind.

< Seb: "yes, weirdo, I am alone"

< Seb: "are you coming?"

> Y/n: "I was going to ask you if I could go"

< Seb: "of course you can, silly"

> Y/n: "good, cause I'm already outside!"

Sebastian took his eyes from the phone and looked at the door, and went straight to it. Walked a few steps to the stairs and went to open the main door for you. The image he encountered made him melt a little.

You were standing in the stairs, a little birthday chocolate dessert made from scratch with some candles on top in your hands, and when you saw him opening the door, you started to sing happy birthday to him.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you! Happy birthday, Sebastian! Happy birthday to you!" you sang with a huge smile on your face, and when he went down a little to blow the candles you stopped him. "Wait, I have to sing it in spanish too" you stated seriously and he laughed and let you go on with the show.

Once you finished singing he blew the candles and let you come inside. "I would have sang in Romanian but you know I don't know how" you joked while entering so he could close the door.

You gave him a big hug before heading to the stairs to his apartment. "Did you think that I would forget?"

"How can you forget?" he talked behind you, watching you as you opened his apartment door and let yourself in. "Thank you, Y/n"

"You have to teach me how to sing it in Romanian for next year, old man" you pointed your finger at him while talking after leaving the little birthday dessert on his kitchen counter. "How much is it? Like one hundred and two, right?"

He came behind you and shook your hair playfully. "Ha-ha, very funny, you're ten years younger, so I'm dragging you with me, ninety years old lady"

You frowned pretending to be offended as you watched him go upstairs, so you followed him, making your hair presentable again. "Hey, that's not funny! You wish you were a thirty year old woman!"

You heard him chuckle gravely, making your stomach flick a little bit, as he put some stuff in a suitcase. You took a seat on his bed following every step he made with your eyes. Before you could ask, he spoke, as if he knew what you were going to ask.

"Some friends invited me to a trip for my birthday, it's a surprise so I have no idea where I'm going" he laughed between words. "You think they'll kidnap me?"

You made a serious face and frowned, making a funny expression "oh, yeah, definitely, you're never coming back, bugs. This is the end of your era!" You threw a pillow from his bed to his head while laughing. "In fact, I think you'll be eaten by sharks and sea monsters. Worst one hundred and two birthday ever, and you don't get those very much"

He laughed loudly, coming to you with the pillow you threw at him in his hands, ready for the impact in your face. "Oh, shut up, you're so dramatic". He ran after you when you got up avoiding his strike, but he got you, wrapping you in his arms and dragging you with him to the ground.

You both laughed on the ground, a little sore from the impact, and ended up lay down, side by side, looking at the ceiling. A moment of silence later you turned your head to look at him. "You will have fun, don't worry".

He turned his head to you too, looking directly at your eyes, comfortable silence between the two. Then he took your hand in his and, as usual, you started to gently caress his, and his yours. "Yeah, but never as much fun as I have with you."

You turned your head to the ceiling again, trying to hide the blush in your face from him. He copied your action, but kept the caresses in your hand, bringing it up so you both could see the conjunction of yourselves.

As you both kept your eyes on the ceiling, breathing peacefully, time went by, the sides of your heads barely touching, closer than before.

"You should eat your dessert, I made it myself", you spoke a few minutes later, remembering the little chocolate delight you made this afternoon, just for him.

"I will, I'm just enjoying this" he whispered softly, almost closing his eyes and relaxing.

You doubted yourself for a second, but took courage after thinking twice. Then, you quickly got up, a little, just enough so you could gently put your lips to his, in a sweet but short kiss that he couldn't almost react to.

"Happy birthday, bugs", your whisper almost inaudible, just like your kiss, barely there.

[beansproutsong]

[Proxy] Twisted Wonderland valentine Gift 2024

Preorder start until 9th March. You might be able to write a message for the character when you purchase (if you don't mind, I'll copy paste your message in behalf of you)

Price: 2500JPY

Shipping estimation: June 2024

(Price do not include proxy and shipping fee)

Regarding fragrance shipment

I'm inquiring aniplex if it contains alcohol / etanol. If it does not, it can be shipped as regular item. At this moment, I have no idea what's the ingredient is.

If it contains alcohol I'll offer you these method: (a) I'll ship using DHL under dangerous goods category (it cost roughly 20k JPY) (b) I'll ship the charm and message card only (without the fragrance) (c) If you have family / friend coming to Japan, I'll ship locally to them

Feel free to DM me if you want to ask further questions about shipping.

[lemondaydream]

009 . MURCOTT —  [ 𝚕𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚗 𝚍𝚊𝚢𝚍𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚖 ] …… DOWNLOAD NOW You've been wanting it and here it is! MURCOTT, the file in a folder, government document of your dreams. This was MAJORLY requested and messaged about, along with winning in the survey results and I'm happy to bring it to you now. MURCOTT comes in original and bloody, along with three logos (though you can replace it with whatever you like. Feel free to edit it in any way, shape, or form just please don’t remove my credit and link to lemondaydream. Also please do not redistribute. These are meant to be only used by the purchaser or as a gift for another person. Allowing others to make copies off of your copy is stealing. (( Some people are having trouble viewing in Firefox, if this is happening to you, please contact me! )) how to use

Click the link, select “file” and then “make a copy”

Do not remove the credit from the top and bottom of the template

how to edit

This document has "Drawing" elements! To edit a "drawing" simply right-click, "select image," and the box that pops up underneath has a button that says "edit." Edit will bring you to a pop-up window that will allow you to change color, text, every part of it you like. - All pictures in polaroids on this template are Drawings! To edit them, enter the Drawings window, click the image, and then select "replace image" at the top.

The easiest way to edit and change any of the images is to right-click on the image and then click “replace image” in order to change it. Do not copy and paste images into the doc, it will ruin the formatting.

Do not resize or paste any images into the doc, only use the method above. Resizing any images on the doc will cause things to move or elements of the design to be hidden.

To mimic the design and make it look as realistic as possible, please make sure to USE CAPS THROUGHOUT. If you don't use caps or forget, you can hit Ctrl+A and then go to Format > Text > Capitalization > UPPPERCASE.

The pictures are of Imaan Hammam, from google images. 

I don't recommend changing fonts on this doc.

The tables are structured in a way that will move pages and elements if their limit is exceeded, if you need more space, I highly recommend linking to a continuation at the end of that space. Likes and reblogs are much appreciated!!

[topaz-witch-tea]

absolutely loving the au, here to ask a question and to offer up my own ideas because i am brainrotting and adoring this

my question is, are you ok with people writimg their own fics of this au? credit of course will be given to you if permission to post is permitted on ao3, and it'll also be gifted, but i haven't written anything for hsr yet and i wanna get to practising the sillies

second, what ideas/petnames/doting names did jy, yx and df call yanqing when he was younger? and alternatively, if there's ever a time where yanqing is upset, would they call him that, even when hes a bit older, to comfort him, just an old habit they can't shake?

and, also, what similarities do yoy think he shares the most with each respective parent? yingxing and him definitely bond over swords,but what about the others?

i have plentyyy more ideas brewing in the ol noggin but i adore this AU, i think its wonderfully written and i cant wait to see what happens in elegy! have a good day!

Hello!!!!

Yes! Please feel free to write your own fics of this au, just remember to credit me and let me know because I would love to read it. 🥰 If you want any information on my AU that I have not posted about/published yet, let me know I will be more than happy to provide you with the info. Feel free to message me if you have any questions. 😁

The main petname that shows up in the fics is "Little Bird". All three of them call Yanqing this because when he was little, the sparrows and fiches would like to perch on his crib to look at him and Yanqing loved to copy them. He would flap his arms to mimic a bird flying whenever he saw one. They still call him that in private, though it gets less and less common as Yanqing gets older.

It does show up when they are comforting him, especially when he is upset about something concerning them. When he is upset, Yanqing likes to hide in dark places where other people can't reach him. He'll hide in the corner of his bed with the drapes pulled down or in his closet behind his clothes. His dads will often call him "little bird" to coax him out to get them to talk to him.

You are correct, Yanqing shares his interest in swords with Yingxing. For Dan Feng, it's the arts, primarily music. The Vidyadharas are known for their music and profoundly sad ballads. Music has always had its place in traditional education, particularly those of wealth and nobility, so I see Dan Feng knowing music and incorporating music into Yanqing's education. I can see Dan Feng giving Yanqing his jade dizi as a present.

For Jing Yuan, I don't see it as any tangible like swords or instruments but rather politics. Even though he is young, Jing Yuan will also give him exercises. "Who is talking?" "Who is listening?" "Who is at this event and who is not?" "If this were to happen, who would benefit and who would lose?" Yanqing's birth has always been a focus of gossip and his every movement is judged due to his position and lineage. So Jing Yuan considers it important he knows how to defend himself in these situations. If the three of them were to pass, Yanqing would still inherit titles and fortune and Jing Yuan could not bear it if someone took advantage of his son after he passed.

AWWW!!! THANK YOU!!! I love answering asks so please feel free to send more. I am also excited for the next chapter. I want the angst to be perfect.

[nanowrimo]

30 Covers, 30 Days 2023: Sign-Ups Open!

Hey, Wrimos!

It’s that time of the year again: 30 Covers 30 Day Sign-up season! This year, we’re doing things a little bit differently. We’ll still have the classic 30C30D experience in which you get the chance to have a cover designed by a professional graphic designer. Alongside the professional designs though, we’re adding the chance to highlight designers in our community!

So, let’s get all that information rolling!

What’s 30 Covers, 30 Days?

Every November, a handful of Wrimos will be selected to receive a unique cover for their NaNoWriMo Novel! These covers are designed in 96 hours by a group of talented and diverse professional graphic designers, recruited by our amazing 30C30D coordinator, Debbie Millman.

This year, 22 lucky Wrimos will be chosen!

When November hits, you’ll get to see a new cover daily on the forums, as well as the NaNo blog and Instagram! Past covers can be seen here.

How do I get a cover from a professional designer?

All you have to do is fill out this form and nominate your own novel!

Here’s some things to keep in mind:

If you make any mistakes, feel free to edit your previous submission! Make sure you send a copy of the form to yourself at the very end. If you want to remove your submission altogether, please go back in the form and check off the box that asks for removal at the very end.

You do not have to share your real name on the nomination form. Preferred names, pen names, or any kind of name you’d like to use are not only welcomed, but celebrated!

Wait, what’s this about a community feature?

Notice how we only have 22 covers done by professional designers this year? Well, who’s going to fill out the other 8 days?

That’s when the community comes in!

We’ve noticed a lot of you are talented designers in your own right and we wanted a chance to showcase those designs. This cover can be one you’ve created in your own free time or a cover someone created for you in the Artisan Forums.

Sweet! How do I submit a nomination for the community feature?

All you have to do is fill out this form and submit an image of the cover design!

Here’s something super important to keep in mind:

Please make sure both the artist and writer are aware their cover art/novel is being submitted! We know that in the NaNo forums, getting cover art is usually a gift from another Wrimo. As a result, please make sure you have permission from the artist or writer before submitting! Maybe send them a private message to make sure. (Of course, this doesn’t apply to you if you designed your own cover.)

Can I submit to both forms?

Sure! But you won’t be picked for both.

Can I use AI Images in my cover design?

In general, the goal of participating in NaNoWriMo is to motivate yourself to write and give yourself space to develop your creativity. We want to carry that idea onto any visual art presented here as well! It’s less about a sophisticated end project and more of the fun journey you took, isn’t it?

Furthermore, AI image generators can run into some very specific legal and ethical issues. Here’s a few articles if you want to learn more about this topic!

The great AI art debate just got even messier: New study reveals copyrighted images can be reproduced.

Artists talk about how AI blurs creative and ethical boundaries

Given these concerns, we’re asking both professional and community designers not to use AI generated artwork for their submissions.

While you’re out there in the writing world, we’ll be working hard and reading through everyone’s submissions! If your cover is chosen, expect an email from us!

The submission forms will be open until November 15.

If you have any questions, feel free to post in the forums or send me a message there!

Good luck!

— Josie

[necronatural]

Project Moon Discourse part 6: It's Over (It's Never Over)

My project moon tag is dedicated exclusively for details on this situation make of that what you will

Last time on Project Moon: Geonggi Youth Union and Project Moon User Association (protesting fans faction) gets a legal threat from a an actual legal firm (none of them say as much, but the contents appear to be specified to the Youth Union, so likely a copy-pasted message). PMUA were asked to not ragepost until the Youth Union finished talks with Project Moon, but THAT completely fell through, so they just post it with a translated reply. Kim Jihoon gets MAD mad and says that the Geonggi Youth Union were going after PM to promote their campaign standing! Youth Union says what the fuck are you talking about, how would we do this when it was being handled internally and the public would only see us apologizing? The crux of all this legal threatening is because Vellmori resigned, therefore it wasn't 'unlawful dismissal'.

And now some new updates:

IT union vice chairman Hwanmin Kim realizes that on September 8 the Limbus Company Twitter sent him a cease and desist. Over Twitter DMs. I'm not kidding

A user has translated Hwanmin Kim's explanation of why talks broke down with the Geonggi Youth Union in this Twitter thread. In short: unless Vellmori expresses a desire to be reinstated their hands are tied, as the laws don't adequately protect workers. It seems the "political motivations" accusation is rooted in the fact that the YU is respecting that they can't represent Vellmori's worker rights unless she asks, yet are still campaigning against PM regardless.

The surrounding climate of Korean gaming companies policing women's speech and how the PM case blew up because of that climate has been recorded in a news article that tracks situations as recent as the whole PM/YU/PMUA showdown. You can read it here. They reached Monggeu (the artist for Leviathan) for comment, and Monggeu noted "they asked me not to say anything too 'PC' when I was hired". Another staff member said PM treats workers 'not as people, but as parts'.

HamHamPangPang addresses a rumour that fan gifts are being thrown out, saying the stored items were damaged. Main response has been "with no notice though?" and "how the fuck did that happen?" with some gift-givers noting they have photo evidence of their goods being stored safely. Most people are actually rather forgiving of the manager (HHPP has been totally exempt from all the blowback towards PM's mismanagement thus far) and are casting suspicion on Kim Jihoon.

Most importantly of all, Kim Jihoon posts an apology on the Limbus Company twitter, which is a hell of a thing after the Notes App Ragepost. He far more cordially explains that he says he posted a notice with 'vague wordings', despite the fact that it very explicitly stated 'she violated our rules, and thus we won't be working with her in the future' - the only vague aspect was how Vellmori left the company. I suppose this is a polite way to say 'we fucked her over in hopes the DCInsiders would feel they successfully drew blood and leave the company alone'. At no point does he specify the original DCInside harassment beyond 'the artist was free to go after them legally', just as Hwanmin Kim mentioned.

Also this:

LMAO

It's actually an otherwise reasonable apology and I think it's encouraging that he will finally work with his employees when they come to him with harassment, but he at no point is clear on why on earth it required international protest for him to do so.

But he had time to interject that he wants the Geonggi Youth Union, Hwanmin Kim, and the PMUA annihalated. OK dude

Personally, I support further protest and not spending money on Project Moon titles, this time strictly over refusal to denounce anti-feminist harassment or comment on their mismanagement. Also it's all but explicit the offer PM gave was "either resign and escape by letting DCInside feel they won or stay on and sue them by yourself, we don't want to rock the boat by helping you" and I'm pissed

[taki-yaki]

The Chains That Bind Us Part 2

Pairing: Astarion x GN!Reader/Tav Word Count:1668 Part 1

After refusing the ascendant's gift of immortality, he seeks to keep you bound to him, even if a pact has to be made to do so. (Tw: Emotional Manipulation, Character Death, Angst/Dark fic, Slight comfort/Happy ending)

As requested here's part 2 to TCTBU, things do become a bit dark here. Message me if I've missed any TW tags.

Life within the palace wall is pleasant, Astarion does give you free rein to explore some of the rooms in the palace, such as the dining hall and library. Most halls are empty half the time, with the occasional spawn that would scutter back to the shadows as if they were scared to even glance at you.

However, leaving the palace to explore the city is different. The only time you are allowed to go outside is to fulfil another task that you have been assigned to do.

Your perception of time slowly starts to warp, and days seem to blur together, how long have you been with him, Weeks? Months? The only one you can speak to within these walls is him.

When he throws his lavish parties in the ballroom, he always ensures that you never leave his side, displaying you as a prized toy to show to others that the grand hero of Baldur's Gate has the honour to stand by his side. Even if they don't know the truth of why you do it.

Some warlocks carry binding marks upon their skin, although most choose to hide it and think nothing more of it. Astarion however is nothing but persistent in making sure your mark is visible for everyone to see, a twisted form of ownership to him.

Two small holes that form a bite mark an exact copy of the one mirrored on his neck. Every attempt at covering it up with clothing just leads it to reappear on another part of your body. Neck, wrist, leg, it doesn't matter, as long as others know who you belong to.

Some days when you arrive back from clearing out another vampire spawn camp, he would not let any of the other spawn lay their hand on your wounds, fearing that the sight of your blood would cause them to harm you. Only he is allowed to tend to them. 

Speaking to you with a soft tone, how he'll never hurt you, whispering sweet little words into your ear.

"My pretty little warlock, my little pet, I don't like seeing such doubt cast upon your face"

He would mutter whilst placing gentle kisses onto your scars, admiring the bite-shaped pact mark in your skin.

Over time, you feel more of your vampiric master's power seep into you, and wrinkles start to fade away from your skin. Your respiratory system struggles to fall into a natural rhythm as if the need for oxygen in your body isn't required anymore. Most food and drink leave a plain taste on your tongue, even as you coat it in salt, it all tastes the same to you, an ash after-taste.

One day he offers you an answer to the torment you go through,

"I can take this pain away if that's what you want, One little bite is all it would take"

"All the luxuries of living will be returned to you, just one drop is all it takes" A sly grin spreads across his face, fulfil aware of what he's put you through. 

You know that he wants to see, you degrading yourself in front of him on your knees for him, begging just like that night after the black mass.

When you receive any new spells or pact boons from him, he always leaves a note by your bed, treating it as a gift. 

The various pacts you wield also take on a visual change.

Pact of the blade weapons now carry a necrotic touch to them. When used, the mark they leave is one of ash and dust that spreads slowly across the body. 

Pact of the tome, when read, you hear the silent whispers of those who have fallen by your hand. A constant reminder of the ones slain in his name to make a clear path.

Pact of the chain familiars have a slightly ghostly hue to them, whilst imps and quasits bear the markings of Mephistopheles.

Most of the time when you were tasked to yet again crush another uprising in secret by hunters. You were always reminded by him with a voice in your head. 

"I will be watching. I am always watching."

You thought this was nothing but an empty threat although oddly comforting that he would care to watch over you during your jobs.

The devil's sight that he gifted you, had the benefit of seeing normally in both magical and non-magical darkness. It acted as a second pair of eyes to him.

One day, whilst silently sweeping through another reluctant attempt to kill your master by the Gur, you find a child cowering, scared, unable to do anything but watch. Pulled from your trance, you decided to spare the child, an innocent shouldn't be harmed because of what he ordered you to do.

Have you lost sense of yourself after so many merciless kills all in hopes of keeping you and your companions safe?

As you watch the child hurry off into the forest, pausing to think.

“How many people have fallen by your hand, all in the name of protecting those close to you?”

“Was it even worth it anymore?”

Deep down, you hope that the child won't take the path that leads to their death by challenging the vampire ascendant, they all lead to the same fate anyway.

Arriving back at the palace, instead of seeing him waiting, sat on his throne for all to see. He stood above you at the door staring down at your figure.

Quicking clutching your wrist in his hand, grip tightening.

“You let that thing get away, In my lifetime they would be fully grown within a blur and now they could come back READY TO KILL YOU!” Snapping at you.

Flinching up at his yelling, frozen, unsure what to even say. His face softens.

“I-I’m sorry my treasure, I shouldn’t have scared you so easily. You’ll forgive me right?”

“I adore you terribly so” in a gentle tone, whilst holding you softly in his arms.

Unsure of what to even say to him after that, exhaustion falls upon you, relaxing in his arms.

The only way he can't see through your eyes is through your spiritual projection. Projecting your spirit from your body, you could pass through the palace halls undetected by any of the spawn and him, all whilst your physical body was sound asleep.

Knowing that this is your only slither of hope for freedom from this place. You reach out to Gale, surely he would know what to do.

Upon arrival at Gale's tower in Waterdeep, thanks in part to hitching a ride upon the weave, he seems surprised to see you. It's almost as if he's looking at a ghost of you. You explain everything to him, the contract you signed, your life in the palace and what he has made of your former self.

"After the party, He told us that you wanted to stay with him. But for him to reduce yourself to this- this form" He states whilst waving his hands at your body.

He agrees to gather everyone to help free you from him. No matter the cost.

Sitting on the throne next to him, you see your former companions walk in, none pleased to see Astarion, some can’t even look you in the eye, shocked by what has become of you.

Astarion knows that they’re not here, to sit elegantly and chat. He knows they're here to kill him and take you away.

His voice echoes in your head, a true test of your loyalty to him, to see how much you fall for him. Even if deep down you still loved him.

"Pet, you love me don't you, you'll get rid of them for me yes? Just like the rest"

Rising from his throne, readying himself to strike them down without a second thought.

You pause, you can't, you won't let him take another life, not by your hand nor by his.

Rushing in front of your companions, taking the full force of his attack.

A cry pierces through the large throne room. Looking down, you see his claws piercing through your chest, while your blade runs through him staking his heart cleanly.

Silence fills the room, and time seemingly stops, until it is quickly broken by his voice.

"Y-you wretch" He chokes out before you both fall to your knees.

You gained your freedom, but your death is still done by his hand. Even if you gave in and became his spawn, he would have killed you anyway.

Looking into those eyes, you notice the dull tone has vanished from his eyes, a glimmer of the man he once was looks horrified at you. Thinking back to the day of the rite, wishing how things could have gone differently for both of you. Clutching your body tightly, losing too much blood to even turn you into spawn.

"Aeterna amantes. Lovers forever, until the world falls down." Is the last thing you hear, a weak whisper upon his lips, before your eyes close for the last time.

Many decades have passed since that day, and the palace has long since been destroyed, nothing but a pile of rubble to the winds of time.

Gale, now more grey-looking, was walking near sorcerous sundries, until a familiar sight caught his eye, a young Drow with white curls with tips of silver on the ends and piercing red eyes. Next to the Drow, a person who took your face but in a form entirely different from what you were many decades ago.

The two looked like young lovers, smiling as they talked to one another, full of life to any unexpecting bypassers, yet to those who knew your previous life, a familiar face best left untouched to the darkest of your past.

The two of you smiled as you soaked in the warm touch of the sun. Perhaps being bound to another isn’t bad after all. 

Your future is yet to be written, after all.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I really wanted to add this part in but didn’t want to ruin the overall flow so I’ve put it here as a sort of bonus piece.

In the depths of the nine hells, Astarion stood in front of the archdevil, Mephistopheles, a wisp clutched tightly to his chest.

Your wisp never attempted to pull away from his body, no signs of resistance although you could do so freely. Your spirit stuck close to his heart, even in death.

Begging the archdevil to bring the two of you back, he’d even give up the powers of the ascendant even his memories just to see you once again. No matter how long it takes nor what form the two of you will have.

The arch-devil hasn’t uttered a single word to you both but simply raises his fingers as a loud snap is heard and a flash of white follows. 

It was a bit of a challenge to write some comfort/hopeful ending for this. I also aimed for some of the lines to be read in the narrator's voice. But I'll be writing something light after this. Message me any suggestions you guys have.

[hdra77]

Ok since this blog is kinda getting alot of attention i'll just make a pinned post about a little bit of myself

Hey y'all i'm Soren

He/Him

You can call me fishe or just dra

I am bilingual but im more comfortable speaking in english (still bad at it actually)

Using my art as PFPs/Banners is okay! As long as you give proper credit! But reuploading my works without my permission or claiming them as your own is NOT okay. I will find you and i will hunt you down and turn you into a helpless flopping fish gasping for air.

Inspirations is ok too!! But please do not directly copy from the original work.

my interest varies but i currently hyperfixtate on these fandoms so far:

Rainworld

Marikinonline4

Animator vs Animation/Animation vs Minecraft

Warrior cats

And for those who wanted to interact with me this is my discord tag: hindrance77

My dms here are also open so feel free to send me a message! (No weird dms or you get instant block)

Im busy and i dont check discord as frequently but i would be happy to talk to you! I would also be glad to make friends im not intimidating i promise i dont bite totally-

My ask box are always open! Ask me anything basically, my aus, ocs, pretty much anything. You can also send some requests but they will take a gajillion years to finish but i promise ill get them done soon!

i really like cybercore,webcore,warcore aesthetic it may not look like it right now but expect a whole bunch of techcore designs soon

Oh and i am also a huge fan of astronomy,space and all of that sort. Along with post apocalyptic settings,body horror elements and eldritch beings.

Btw please read this before following my blog!! There would be gore,body horror and even some suggestive themes Sometimes but overall i do not post any explicit nsfw here !!

i draw stickmen a lot and i mean a whole lot. that shows so much in my twitter account. i like to animate too and fishes and cats are my favorite, those silly little thangs

my DNI are basically the general DNI: proshippers,homophobes,etc. you know, the general

My tags:

#hdra7shitposts - yes, shitposts

#fishdoesart - all my art comes here

#fishdoesdoodles - random doodles and some occasional shitposting, mostly on ms paint

#fishdoesrequests - all my art requests comes here, so far this is where you find my ship requests (still open for now btw)

#wips - wips

#fishbites.txt - ramblings

#othersart - gifts/fanarts! Sometimes some reblogs

#asks - all of my responses comes here

My other blogs:

@nyaworld-askblog - for the nyaworld au! this blog is story driven but asks for specific characters are always welcome!

@fallowclans-unruly-demise - for a warrior cats clangen blog, still stuck in hiatus void

My Rainworld AU tags:

#rw voided au - simple AU about iterators called voideds who drains void fluids out of other iterators, theres also some rot infection going on too

#rw disarray au/SYSTEM FAILURE - a virus in Lttm's code had created a fatal error in her system which caused her to slowly spiral into insanity as she would slowly loosen her grip onto reality, claiming that she had found the solution to their problem..but was it really the answer all along?

#rw nyaworld au - joke au about the entire rainworld cast taking place in the 2000's this one is purely just for nostalgia purposes #into the sigverse - technically considered an au. this is just a silly little askblog about different versions of NSH interacting because for some reason they can now magically interact with different alternate universe versions of themselves. ocs being used to interact is allowed to!! anyone can use this tag however they please you don't have to send me asks to be a part of the sigverse

My Rainworld Oc tags:

#7c dystopian arbitrary

#7c golden life

#rw ocs #ocs

-- still WIP --

[jellycrusher]

Fangirl pt. 6

INITIALLY POSTED ON MY FORMER PAGE: bts-teaspoonff

Genre: Romance, Fluff, Slow Burn, Idol A/U

Pairing: BTS OT7 x backupdancer!reader

Rating: PG

Summary: Y/N, being a huge fangirl, finally got her chance to work alongside her favorite idol group as a backup dancer. She gets to know each member personally and realizes that her feelings may be more than fangirl-idol attraction.

Word Count: 8.1K

Warnings: slight angst, minor character death, implied PTSD, panic attack

Taglist: @nochujeonjk @i-like-puppy-mg @miyochan@satotakeru14 @boba-tea1206​ @blimpintime​​ @kodzuskook​ @fangirl125reader​​ @xicanacorpse​​​​

PARTS:  masterlist... 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

You’re back at your apartment, staring blankly at the ceiling as you lay down on the floor of your living room trying to contemplate what just happened today. It was supposed to be a free day for you but so far, everything is so crazy. You shrill as you curl yourself into ball, rolling to the side, as you recall all the events that had happened today.

 From Hoseok attending your class then driving you back to BigHit, to standing in that recording booth listening to their voices as they mutter your name. What in the world did you do in your past life to receive all this happiness? 

 You pull your bag from the table above you to the floor where you’re laying down. You stare at the brand new purple phone inside your bag. Jiyong handed it out to you when you asked for a copy of the message. You did refuse it at first but when Jiyong mentioned Namjoon specifically told him that there’s absolutely no way he’ll let you refuse their gift. You raise the phone towards the ceiling as you flip it to closely examine the phone. You let your fingers brush on the small and subtle BTS logo on its backside.

 “What did I do to be this lucky?” You unlocked the phone for the first time and almost dropped the phone on your face, taken aback at the silly wallpaper that appeared out of the blue. It looks like Taehyung took the selfie, with him and Jin in the front while Hoseok, Jimin and Jungkook, in the middle row, were all adorably trying to push forward as if fighting for a bigger space in the selfie. RM and Yoongi were behind the other boys being so casual about it. You chuckle so loud looking at Yoongi in the selfie. It must have taken a lot of persuasion from the boys for him to join.

 You browse your phone to find the recorded message. After a few minutes, you finally found it saved as a widget on your menu screen. You click to play it on loudspeaker and pressed the phone on your chest as you anticipate to hear them once more.

 [All 00:01]                       

Hello y/n, we are BTS!

[Taehyung 00:04]           

Surprise! On behalf of our favorite sound engineer, Jiyong, we give you this one of a kind voice message from us, your favorite group in the world.

[Jin 00:14]                      

He told me he’s terrified of you when you’re angry…… What?…. Jiyong is telling the boys that I’m lying. Don’t believe what he says. Jiyong has a sister complex, guys.

[RM 00:25]                   

Hyung, don’t bully Jiyong unless you also want to give him an apology message

[Jin 00:31]                    

I’m just joking. Jiyong adores you. I can attest to that because he won’t stop bragging you to us even before you have worked here. I almost feel like I’m your close friend with how much he talks about you

[Yoongi 00:43]            

As expected, this message is now getting chaotic. Should we get to our main point?

[Jimin 00:49]              

Right! We actually suggested if Jiyong could instead give you a signed album but he admitted that you already have ALL our albums. Most of them being signed albums so I guess there’s no point in giving you an extra copy?

[Jungkook 01:05]      

So Taehyung, being a genius, asked us if we could record this message and sing a few parts of our songs just for you.

[J-hope 01:10]           

For our number one fan, we’ll sing for you right here. Every time you hear this, imagine that we’re singing in front of you.

[RM 01:17]                 

Enjoy our little gift! And can you please assure Jiyong that you’re not angry with him? He really looks like a terrified and sad little puppy

[Jin 01:29]                 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA look at Jiyong

A few more seconds, they started singing Butterfly. How many times have you played this song on repeat? You can’t even remember anymore. Listening to them sing it ‘live’ to you through this recorded message still gives off the same raw emotional performance compared from the studio version.

 Jiyong must have suggested them to sing Butterfly. You may have mentioned him once before that this song was significant to you but no one really knows the reason for it. At first, Jiyong thought that it’s just simply your favorite song from BTS but soon after, he realized that maybe you thought of your parents based on the message of the song.

 You didn’t try to explain anything to him even when he opened the topic of your parents. You just let him think that the reason why this song is significant for you is because, as stated in the song’s message, it expresses your fear of losing someone represented by a butterfly.

 It’s actually much deeper than that. You actually thought of yourself whenever you hear this song. Yes, both you and Jiyong lost your parents. However, you also lost a part of yourself after the accident. It took you years to recover yourself back from the trauma.

 It was late at night when your parents were driving, along with you as a passenger, back to the house. They argued for just a few seconds as you observe them quietly from the back seat, then an upcoming skidding truck blinded all of you with its glaring front lights. When you opened your eyes, you were already upside down hanging by the seatbelt. Smell of gas was eerily present as you see the front of the car totaled along with your parents, making you the only survivor. Silence in that dark tunnel was terrifying.

 Jiyong wasn’t in the car when it happened. Fortunately, he was staying back at home with your grandparents because he was sick that night.

 Both you and Jiyong quickly became the talk of the village. There has never been a horrific accident in the history of your town. A drunk driver collided with the car that your family had been in, killing everyone but you. High School Orphans and only your grandparents now to take care of you and your twin brother. You had to show a brave front for your brother. You may be twins but you acted the big sister role most of the time and had to constantly comfort Jiyong through the pain of losing your parents.

 However, the guilt of surviving alone and the horrifying image of your parents constantly fights your sanity. You had to be strong for Jiyong but as a young girl at that time, you did crave for a figure to not just comfort you but also help you get up.

 When you heard Butterfly years after the accident, you understood it very well. In the lyrics, there’s also a hint of trying to save someone before they do something they regret or something they won’t come back from. When you listen to the song, it felt like there’s two of you. The you who is trying very hard to hold on is singing the lyrics to the you who is on the verge of letting go.

 The lyrics can be interpreted as losing someone you love. It can be an ex-partner, friend, or loved one. For you, it was yourself. Losing yourself. That’s what you were afraid of and fought really hard to not make that happen.

 That’s the main reason you became their fan. The complexity of their lyrics always seems to pull the unspoken words from you.

 · ───────── ·⑦· ───────── ·

 “Here’s an orange juice from me!” Taehyung props down the cold drink in front of Jiyong and sits down on a chair beside him, eyes still glued on Jiyong like a puppy.

 “How about Pad Thai from your favorite Thai place?” Jimin joined them as he offers it and sits on the other side opposite to Taehyung.

 “I’m sure he’ll choose mine. Hamburg steak with cheese and additional sauce.” Jungkook stood behind Jiyong, towering him as he leans in and puts down the food in front of Jiyong.

 “I’m telling you guys I can’t give it to you. She’ll kill me for sure this time.” Jiyong whined as he kick his legs from frustration. He wants to accept the food bribery but he knows that if he give what the three adorable troublemakers are asking from him, an apology message from BTS won’t save him again from you.

 “You used our song for her cover. I guess we have a right to listen to it or even have a copy of it.” Taehyung pouts followed by adamant nods from Jimin and Jungkook.

 When you were with Jiyong in the small recording studio, the three of them were actually just outside the door along with Hoseok trying to eavesdrop waiting for a reaction from you. They were actually surprised when Jiyong suggested that you try to sing to their song just to let off steam. Jungkook and Taehyung can’t seem to stop snickering when they heard you two siblings teasing each other through the intercom because you insisted Jiyong not to hit the record button when you start singing. 

 When Jiyong asked you what songs you would like to sing, you declared to sing short covers to Promise, Still With You and Snow Flower, granting gasps from the three song owners sneaking outside. Taehyung actually choked a bit from his own saliva, not expecting you to sing his song.

 The four of them were all listening in as you were singing in the booth the whole time. Jungkook, Jimin and Taehyung were absorbed especially when it was their song that you’re singing. J-hope was also amazed and surprised. Not only you were one heck of a dancer but an amazing singer as well. Your talents could bring other idols that they know to shame.

 After you were done and left the recording studio, they all rushed inside to ask Jiyong if he did record it all. To their surprise, Jiyong recorded it all but of course, he did it without you knowing. Since then, the boys have been asking and bribing Jiyong to send them a copy of the music file.

 “I helped you by suggesting the personal recorded message. Can I have a copy of her cover please?” Taehyung pleaded with his doe eyes. Jiyong, now closely surrounded by the maknae line, contemplates whether the risk of being chopped to pieces by you is worth it.

 · ───────── ·⑦· ───────── ·

 Inside the practice room, every other dancer is busy dancing their butts off. You lean back on your hands spread behind you as you quietly observe your other fellow dancers practicing in front of the mirror. With the purple phone in your other hand, you gripped it tightly as you let your breathing slowly normalize just after finishing your solo dance practice. Sounds of stomping and shoe skidding on the floor echoed in the practice room as everyone pushed through the hectic schedule for the day.

 Tomorrow is the team’s MT or three day team-building event that’s got everyone in a tight schedule for today to, at least, finish any preparations that could be done and present the couple dance routines in front of BTS along with the choreographers.

 BTS and the main choreographers later entered the practice room and soon the dance routine presentation started. You’re last to present along with your dance partner, Taeyang, the couple dance routine you’ve finished. When it was finally your turn, Taeyang quickly stood and offered to help you up off the floor. You have danced in front of the boys and the choreographers countless of times but why does it still feel like you’re dancing to be evaluated and be listed off the team.

 The other boys quickly took notice of your newfound closeness with your dance partner and they weren’t entirely comfortable seeing you smile so sweetly at him. Hoseok were glaring at Taeyang’s hand as they landed snugly on your hips to turn you into place. The three younger members were sneaking stares like a hawk. 

 They all knew that one of them is gonna dance with you to this song eventually but seeing you be this touchy and close to another man ignited something in them. Unsure whether it was jealousy but they convinced themselves that it might just be the feeling of protectiveness since Jiyong had told them again and again to keep an eye out for you.

 Yoongi’s full attention today was not really on any dancers nor the dance routines. He knew the inevitable obvious choice, which is to give anyone from the dance line the solo dance spot. The only dance routines he gave his attention to, not caring entirely though, was the dance routine for a member with three or two dancers. He glanced at his other members and sees Jimin, Taehyung, Jungkook and Hoseok sitting up straight and anticipating you to start dancing with your male partner.

 The second the music started, the four members on the dance line were entirely absorbed on watching ahead. Without needing words, Yoongi knew that the four of them are hungrily vying for the solo dance part. What he didn’t know was that the four of them were only thinking of the opportunity to finally have a chance to share the stage with you. The way your male partner danced to the music along with you, to the tunes of Without Me by Halsey, had them hungry for the coveted spot. 

 Taeyang, your dance partner, carefully lands his hands on your hips and it travels down to your leg as you lean into him with your head back. Catching everyone’s eye at the intimate and almost sultry dance step, especially Yoongi. A few sneaky gulps occurred amongst them. You were completely engrossed in the music with movements completely fluid and expressions purely enchanting everyone. 

 You were naïve to the scorching gazes and unfamiliar desire from the 7 members. Yoongi along with Jin and RM were now determined to insert themselves in the competition amongst the group for the solo dance part. All of them quickly exchanged looks the moment you finished dancing and the music stopped. No words were spoken but all of them understood that each of them definitely wanted the opportunity to share the stage with you more than the coveted chance to dance solo.

 You held your water bottle tightly while you quench your thirst. You eye out to the side as the main choreographers were busy talking to each other and to some of the dancers. Taehyung, Hoseok, Jimin and Jungkook were also busy talking to their managers at the other side of the room.

 “I see that you’re putting our gift to good use.” You almost choke on your water at the sudden voice behind you.

 “Namjoon? Don’t scare me like that” You cough. Finishing his cup of water, he slowly walked to your side. You quickly notice Yoongi’s head popping out from Namjoon’s side. “Hello to you two.” Namjoon cheekily grins and Yoongi smiled with his lips closed.

 “He said you’re putting our gift to good use.” Yoongi slightly leans forward, whispering. You glanced at him and quickly looked at the purple phone you’re tightly holding in your other hand beside you.

 Quickly after realizing that the two of them were eyeing your phone, you stammer while you took a step closer. “You really didn’t have to give me this. I tried to refuse it but Jiyong told me that you insisted that I accept it. Also, your other gift was unexpected but thank you. I appreciate it.” You smile nervously at the two of them, hiding the fact that you don’t just appreciate the recorded message but it meant the world to you. Obviously, you won’t admit that.

 “We did thought of giving you a portable drive for the message but I remembered that I did ruin your phone so I suggested that to them. For that I’m sorry.” Namjoon rubs the back of his head.

 Yoongi tries to join in the conversation, placing his hand on Namjoon’s shoulder. “Have you tried exploring your phone? Checked the apps that we have pre-downloaded for you?” Your eyes widen at Yoongi’s sudden questions, followed by a shake of your head. “We did. You might want to check it out.”

 Both of them stare at you as you give them a dazed look. The hand beside you that has your phone slowly creeps its way up but the sudden presence of a hand halting your hand surprised you.

 “Um… Maybe check it later when you’re alone.” Yoongi faces the other way, hand still around your wrist. He thought that maybe by looking away, you won’t notice the faint tinge of pink on his cheeks as he recall what surprise he left for you in your phone. 

 He slowly released your hand, aware of the sudden contact with you and the presence of a crowd in the room. Your eyes still glued to him, you did notice his effort to hide his bashfulness. You try to hold in your giggle at how Yoongi suddenly looked so adorable and it made you much more curious to check your phone. You remind yourself to definitely check what’s up with your new phone the moment the practice session is done.

 By the time you realized your work for today is done, you search for the boys in the room but discovered that they might have left the room ahead of the choreographers and some staff. Most of the dancers were also eager to call it a day. Must be because of the Team MT tomorrow.

 As the youngest of the new female dance team, you have always offered to be the last to stay and clean up the practice room. It comes as a shock to you that your dance partner Taeyang offered to stay behind to help you tidy up the room. While you may have gotten a lot closer with him, interactions with him outside of dance practice is still a bit awkward. 

 You sneak in a glance from the other side of the room as he busies himself with turning off all the electronic equipments while you tidy up the corner from the other side of the practice room. To distract yourself from being antsy at the awkwardness between you, you take out your phone from pocket to try and check the apps that Yoongi mentioned.

 “Our dance a while ago was amazing.” Your voice got caught up in your throat when you suddenly heard his voice. He was still bending down, not looking at you, reaching for something behind the sound system. Almost instantly, you stood straight up at his compliment to hide the fact that you were glancing at him. Finally facing you, he says “Your moves were amazing. You really do transform when it’s time to perform just as the others say.”

 “Thank you. I’m still lacking but I hope I did good as your partner.” you say as you put your phone back in your pocket.

 Something about his gaze as he walks up to you made you avoid eye contact, bashful from the compliment. He slowly closes the distance between the two of you and you were so sure he was going to stop in front of you. You find yourself sighing when he just walked past you, to the water dispenser behind you. 

“And thank you for staying and helping me clean up today.” You weren’t sure why you were so suddenly aware at how awkward this is turning out. Taeyang have complimented you before during practices but somehow, the change of timbre in his voice slightly made you nervous and hyperaware of the fact that you’re alone with him.

 “Anytime, y/n.” You turn to him when you saw a smile slightly obstructed by the rim of the paper cup as he drink up a cup of water. “Too bad I’m just a stand-in for that solo dance.”

 You barely caught what your dance partner had just said so you thought to try and ask him to repeat then a sudden sound of the door opening startling both you and Taeyang, your phone almost slipping from your hands. Your breath catches and you smile so wide it could almost reach your ears as you recognize the figure slowly coming up to you. Despite not having really spent a lot of time with Jin, his presence is a huge relief to break the sense of awkwardness filling your chest. You find your shoulders relax as you see him greet you with a smile.

 Jin was also confused when he saw that you were alone with Taeyang in the room. He hides his discomfort at the sight but seeing how your face lit up when he came into the room, he let the thought pass and kept his face neutral despite wanting to grin at how adorable you looked when you smiled at him.

 “Jiyong asked me to get you.” Jin says, still glancing at Taeyang drinking his cup of water behind you. 

 “He could’ve just texted me. That lazy guy.” You hiss and then turned to Taeyang to bid goodbye.

 “See you tomorrow then?” Taeyang pats your head and turns to his bag. You excused yourself from Jin to run and get your bag from the far end of the room. By the time you walked back beside Jin, Taeyang have already left the room.

 “I didn’t know you and Taeyang were that close already.” Jin queries. He wants to press on further especially after seeing Taeyang comfortably touched your head but he doesn’t want you to think that he’s nosy. You and Jin were still acquaintances but with his closeness with Jiyong, you almost feel like a younger sister to him.

 “Can’t help it if we’re always practicing that solo dance routine almost everyday.” You explain. “But we haven’t really spent much time outside practice time. He’s just looking out for me since he’s kind of my dance mentor too.”

 I don’t think it’s just that, he thinks to himself. He saw the way Taeyang looked at you today. He knew all the male dancers well and Jin never saw that kind of gaze from Taeyang directed at anyone. Not that he has any problems with Taeyang probably having feelings for you, he just repeats to himself that he’s looking out for you.

 “So what does my lazy brother need from me to have asked you personally to come and get me?” You question him as you usher him out of the room while you turn off the lights and close the door.

 “Oh that. He didn’t actually.” You look at him, confused with brows furrowed. “I was the one who actually needed to get you and come with me. I only used Jiyong’s name because Taeyang was there.”

 “Come with you? To where?” Both you and Jin walked side by side along the hallway.

 “We’re having a game night at our dorm and the boys wanted to invite you.” Jin informs you, still looking ahead. He wasn’t aware that you stopped walking when you heard what he just said.

 “Wait, what, Me? Why me?” Jin heard your voice slightly go up and this made him turn quickly to his side, startling him to not see you beside him and rather, frozen a few feet behind him.

 “We invited Jiyong as well but he’ll be late. He said he’s caught up with work.” Jin beams at you warmly as he tries to calm you down.

 “Yeah but why me? I mean isn’t it too sudden for me to just barge in at your dorm?” You counter.

 Surely, this is a big jump from the warm gesture from the voice message and new phone. You’re happy that they have thought of you to come on their game night but isn’t their dorm their personal private space?

 “Jiyong has been a very good friend to us, almost like family and we all wanted to make an effort to get to know you as well. We usually invite him to the dorm whenever we can and I think he would be happy if you’ll be there too.” For a moment, Jin thought it would be a good idea to just use Jiyong’s name as an excuse to invite you because he knew that you would be uncomfortable if it was just them inviting you. In reality, his other members have already suggested to invite you even before he got the chance to suggest it to them.

 “I want to get to know all of you more as well. I’m just shocked that you all think the same way. Excuse me but I won’t deny anymore that I’ve been a huge fan for a long time. I’m sure you know that well by now.” You gripped the strap of your bag tightly and your nervous state didn’t go unnoticed by Jin. Your heart is racing a hundred beats a second at just hearing him invite you to their dorm.

 “I’m just glad that Jiyong’s twin sister is our fan and not an anti. It would’ve been hard for us to befriend you if that was the case.” He chuckles. Your heart is full at Jin’s effort to lighten up the mood.  “Come on. I’m going to buy food for the troublemakers at home. Yoongi will be cooking for us tonight but Taehyung and Jungkook texted me to get extras.” He pats your shoulder

 A little extra time to get to know them wouldn’t hurt. It could actually help you a lot with the solo dance routine. You wouldn’t want to perform badly just because you’re not comfortable and awkward with your partner. Thinking back when you first danced to the song with Taeyang, it just looked so wrong and you couldn’t convey the dance properly. It’s a blessing in disguise to get to be close to them this way but you wouldn’t refuse such a scrumptious offer.

 You were grateful for Jin’s effort to lift up your mood during the drive back to their dorm. Sometimes, you would tightly grip the seatbelt in front of your chest and fall quiet. He would suddenly pull out ridiculous puns that would bring out the most un-ladylike laugh from you. To distract yourself, you insisted to be the one to get off the car and pick up the order from a restaurant.

 Your breathing gets ragged and eyes unfocused the longer the drive went and the closer you get to the dorm. You think you might be sick with the way your stomach flips at the thought of 6 other people waiting for you.

 You froze behind Jin as he ring the doorbell. There’s still a chance for me to run, you thought but was interrupted when you hear unintelligible chatter from at least 2 people on the other side of the door.

 The door flew wide open and you were greeted by Taehyung and Jungkook. The two of them holding the doorknob with Taehyung slightly pinned beneath by Jungkook who seems to have jumped on his back. “You’re finally here!” Taehyung flashes his boxy grin at you.

 Your eyes wandered behind the two of them as Namjoon’s head popped up from the end of the short hallway visible from the doorway. He raised his hand to wave to you and you waved back.

 “Don’t crowd the lady and help me carry these to the kitchen.” Jin instructs them and instantly, Taehyung and Jungkook untangled themselves from each other and rushed to get the bags from Jin’s hands. You could almost hear Namjoon at the edge of the hallway teasingly smacking and scolding the two of them from overwhelming you when you arrived.

 Jin was caught by surprise when you try to hold in your chortle, shoulders shaking at the sight of those two being scolded. He stood against the door allowing you to go in ahead of him and when he saw you hesitate a bit, he hums and say with a grin “Don’t worry, those kids won’t bite.”

 You walked ahead further down the hallway, nervously treading every step. Finally, you get a clearer view of the inside of their dorm. Directly on your right, a huge glass chandelier adorns the ceiling complimenting the black and white interior of the spacious kitchen. A long wooden dining table in the middle. Across from the kitchen, an L-figure brown couch facing the huge flat screen occupies the living room. It feels weird seeing it upclose and personal after seeing glimpses of their dorm from online videos and their V-lives.

 Sound of plastic bags rustling coming from the kitchen caught your attention. Taehyung and Jungkook were rushing to take out all the contents from the bag, drooling at the sight of the takeout you and Jin ordered. Yoongi was busy chopping up something with his back facing away from everyone. You take in the scrumptious smell filling up the room and almost instantly, your stomach grumbled. 

 Jin walked past you to mingle with the two boys. You see the back of Namjoon’s head as he sits quietly on the couch with a book in his hand. Unable to stay put, you hover towards the kitchen. Observing everyone as you make your way closer to Yoongi.

 “Is there anything I can do to help?” You ask as you examine the boiling pot on the stove while Yoongi continues to chop up what seems to be ingredients for a stew. The quiet and busy member seems so docile-looking compared to the cool and stoic Yoongi you always encounter at work. Sometimes, it even confuses you with how he’s hot and cold towards you.

 “You’re our guest. It wouldn’t really look nice if we let you work for your food.” He continues to chop, head only slightly turning to your direction, eyeing you out from the corner of his eye.

 You roll up your sleeves, ignoring Yoongi. “I’ll help you out. It’s the least I can do for the free invitation and besides, my cooking skill is highly commendable.” You carefully snatch the knife away from his hands. Yoongi, unable to stop you, stepped aside and glanced at Jin. Both of them chuckling at your persistence.

 “I’ll take up on that offer but if our dinner turns out bad, I’m blaming you.” Yoongi teases.

 “I have magic hands. I doubt it’ll go bad. It might even turn out a lot better now that I’m helping you.” You counter, chopping the vegetables at a much quicker pace than Yoongi.

 Jin stares warmly at the two of you comically bantering while seated on the dining table. He had thought of reminding his younger members to do their best to make you comfortable but it surprises him to see you fitting in almost instantly. He smiles as you comfortably interact with Taehyung and Jungkook as they make their way to sneak in between you and Yoongi.

 Come dinner time, Yoongi excused himself from the kitchen to get something from his room, leaving you alone. Might as well help him to plate and serve the food so you wandered around the kitchen, checking the cabinets for plates.

 You don’t hear the footsteps entering the kitchen while you search the bottom cabinet. The member could only hear the sound of the plates clunking against each other and not aware of the person obstructed by the huge black kitchen counter.

 “Hyung, it smells good.” You hear a groggy voice behind the other side of the kitchen counter while you take out a plate. You stood up and sees an equally surprised Jimin. You could tell that he just woke up from a nap, judging by his bedhead. “Y/n? Why are you in the kitchen? Aren’t you our guest?” He rubbed his eyes and quickly searched for the missing presence of Yoongi.

 You were about to explain yourself but was interrupted by Yoongi, returning from his room as he answers for you. “More like she snatched my tools and insisted on helping me. She won’t budge.” He huffs as he takes his place back in the kitchen, helping you plate the food.

 Jimin, still sleepy, quietly offered his help. Taking away the filled-up plates from your hands. Yoongi asked him to call the other members for dinner. One after another, the members take up their space in the long table. Jin noticed you standing timidly at the side not knowing where to sit as everyone continues to sit down. He calls your attention and pulls out an empty chair beside him. You automatically walk up beside him and sat down, observing everyone.

 It didn’t take long before the dinner got a bit rowdy. It wasn’t difficult to warm up to them, the feeling of comfort almost feels so natural. Everyone was obviously famished from the practice a while ago so the food was almost devoured instantly just as dinner started. 

 The younger boys complimented the dinner non-stop and insisted that you regularly visit their Game Nights in exchange for your impressive culinary skill. Jungkook complained that whenever Jiyong would help in the kitchen, he could destroy whatever Yoongi would make. Yoongi attests to that but quickly protests and teased them for not appreciating his work in the kitchen.

 Jimin and Hoseok insisted that they clean up the table, escorting you to the couch. You see Jungkook setting up his PS4 on the tv across you. Namjoon stepped over the couch from behind you taking his place on your left and Jin sits down beside you on your right.

 “I guess we won’t keep you too late. You still have to pack for the MT tomorrow.” Jin turns to you, still observing you if you’re having a good time with them.

 “I’m sure you love the idea that you get to go back to your hometown even if it’s for work.” Namjoon reaches for a pillow beside him, hugging it.

 “Wait. Hometown?” your fingers froze just as you were fiddling with your phone.

 “Me and Jimin hyung were so excited when we heard that this year’s MT is in Busan. If I remember correctly, Jiyong hyung told us that his hometown is Busan, right?” Jungkook cheekily stood up with a cord in his hand. You could see the obvious grin plastered on his face as he searched for Jimin’s figure in the kitchen.

 You bite your lip as you nervously try your best to recall. Did you just forget about the MT entirely? You were sure that they announced the location for the MT earlier this morning. Maybe you were too nervous and occupied with the thought of having to present the dance routine in front of everyone that you completely forgot about the MT being in Busan.

 You sigh and rubbed your temples. Why would you even forget such an important detail like that? Just thinking about going back to Busan felt like an impending headache. There’s no way you could back out from the MT now. It’ll also look bad if you don’t join the dance team, it might send a message that you’re unsociable.

 Unaware that you turned pale and started heaving hard, the three men in the living room with you were now starkly aware of your sudden change of expression at the mention of the MT.

 “Noona, is there something wrong?” Jungkook asks with a worried voice, discarding the cord in his hands and swiftly knelt down in front of you. He tries to get a good look at you while you stare down at your knees, shoulders hunched forward.

 Your ears started ringing and you squeeze your fists as your chest started getting heavier each breathe you take. Namjoon slowly sat up straight as he sees Jin and Jungkook trying to call your attention. It was when Jin wrapped his hands around one of your clenched fists that you realize how close Jungkook is crouching in front of you, head bent to the side as he worriedly observes your face. Jin’s warm hands enveloping your small, cold and shivering hands. Namjoon frozen in his seat not knowing what to do to help you.

 “Um, can I excuse myself to the restroom please?” Your hands were starting to get clammy as you forced to compose yourself. You wish they could tell you the way to the restroom a lot faster as each passing second, it’s getting difficult to stay composed in front of them. Jin was the first to stand up from the couch and escorted you to the restroom, leaving Namjoon and Jungkook frozen in their seats.

 You quietly close the door of the restroom, making sure not to let Jin worry more. Once you were sure you heard his footsteps get away from the room you were in, you could barely hold yourself up before your legs buckle and you let yourself fall to the floor. Your weight propped against the door as you try to suck the chilled air into your lungs. Sharp successive breaths took over you, slowly making you feel pins and needles at the tips of your fingers. 

 The panic creeps up on you in bouts. Your fingers claw at your legs as you hug them tighter. Memories that you worked so hard to forget starts to resurface and replays in your mind, leaving you suffocated.

 For a moment, you picture yourself staying in the restroom for the rest of the night. You suddenly felt so alone in a space filled with 7 other people. Even the thought of standing up and getting back out takes up a lot of energy from your body.

 Your excitement for tomorrow now completely gone and replaced by dread of going back to your hometown. It’s been years and you’re not even sure if you can even handle going back there. It was only two years ago when you recovered from being haunted in your dreams by the memories of the accident. You don’t want to lose your progress since it took a lot of effort by yourself to get back up.

 It took only for you to hear boisterous laughter coming from the living room and somebody knocking on the door to remind you that you have no choice but to go back out. You reach for the edge of the sink to help yourself up. Like a newborn deer, you can’t really sustain your weight as your knees started shaking when you were standing properly. You take in one last deep breath before opening the door.

 You crack your eyes open, body heaving with effort to get enough oxygen in your lungs but you’re met with the soulful brown eyes of Yoongi, narrowed in concern. He doesn’t question you further as you step aside to give way for him to use the restroom. It took three steps out the restroom before your knees decided to give out. Yoongi rushed to catch you before you fell to the floor.

 You squeeze his arms around you that were holding you up before facing him. “You tell absolutely no one… I don’t want anyone to worry…” Breathing still ragged, you huff out every word to the best of your ability as you realize that you can’t hide your panic attack from Yoongi. You must look so bad to see Yoongi study your face with utmost care. “Yoongi please?… I’ll be fine. Don’t mind me… Just until my panic attack subsides.” He softly shush you as he sees your great effort to speak.

 Yoongi sighs before calmly looking back at the empty hallway and to the living room where everyone’s pretty much occupied. His eyes wandered back to your shivering hands and shaking knees. You’re in no shape to walk back to the living room much less stand on your own. Yoongi slowly wraps his hand on your back and behind your knees before lifting you off the floor.

 The scent coming from Yoongi’s body calms you as he cradles you in his arms. Your head felt like lead, finding its way on the crook of its neck. Before you even realize, you find yourself clinging to him as you fist your hands in his shirt. His skin is slowly getting hot against yours, and his breathing seems to have increased if you were only able to notice. His heartbeat against your ears was almost like a lullaby that greatly helped to calm you down.

 “You’re alright.” He coos as he starts to hear you sniffle. He quietly walked towards his bedroom, with you in his arms, to give you a place private enough away from the eyes of the other members. He slowly puts you down on his couch and when you were finally seated comfortably, he rushed to reach for a blanket at the edge of the bed.

 Your back felt damp, sweating all over and your fingers definitely feels asleep but clarity of your situation began creeping back. “Yo-Yoongi” You stammer as you realize that he chose to hide you in his bedroom.

 “Shh, don’t force yourself to speak. Take it easy. I’m here.” He fixed the blanket around you before crouching down to completely see your face. “Just keep breathing and it’ll go away. I’ve had my fair share of panic attacks so trust me when I say I’ll just be here until you say so. You’ll be fine.”

 You trust him as you find yourself focusing on your breathing. Once you find it easy to move your limbs with ease accompanied by a yawn, you know that the worst has passed. If it wasn’t for Yoongi, the situation could’ve escalated and would have made everyone unnecessarily worry about you.

 “Thank you.” You manage to speak out. “I feel silly that you caught me looking like that. Sorry.”

 Yoongi quietly hums, letting you speak further if you intend to while he reach for a glass of water on top of his side table beside the couch. He offers it and you take it with your hand still slightly shaking. He lets you drink first before he spoke up. “I overheard your conversation with the boys in the living room just before you went to the restroom. I was worried but I don’t know if you want anyone to check up on you. You were taking a lot longer than I expected so I knocked.”

 You prop your head in your hands, elbows leaning on your knees. “This is the first time someone has seen me like this. It just took me by surprise when Jungkook mentioned Busan. Next thing I know, all I could think about is to run out the door.”

 “I won’t force you to talk about it if it makes you uncomfortable. If you want to go home, I could just tell the boys to…” Your hand swiftly sprung out to land on Yoongi’s wrist.

 “I’m fine. Jungkook seems so happy when he showed me the games we’ll be playing. I’ll just take a moment then I’ll be back out.” You assure Yoongi with a heavy breath. He wanted to assure you that they’ll understand if you want to excuse yourself for the night but he kept quiet, trusting you that you’ll be fine.

 Not a second after, the doorbell rang to alert everyone in the dorm. Yoongi stood up from in front of you, eyes still glued on you as he saw you recognize the person on the front door just from the distinct way the doorbell was rung. “Don’t you dare tell my brother about this” You attempt to stand up, worried that Yoongi might tell Jiyong about your situation.

 “Don’t worry, I’ll keep this a secret between us. Just promise me that you’re fine before I leave you.” He assures you with his soft smile and gentle eyes as he opened the door and walking out.

 “I’m fine Yoongi. Thank you. I’ll just take a minute to fix myself up before I go back out.”

 “Take your time. I’ll try to come up with an excuse to keep them from looking for you. I’m sure Jungkook, Jin and Namjoon must be getting concerned by now.” He turns back to you before slowly closing the door.

 You find yourself collapsing against the couch, your breathing slowly going back to normal. You heaved and leaned forward to try and stand up once again. When you knew you were fully capable of making a few steps without stumbling or any of your knees giving out, you walked straight to a full size mirror beside the door to fix yourself up. You pity yourself for having been seen by Yoongi like this; your eyes and nose were bright red and a couple of hair strands stuck to your forehead due to the profuse sweat.

 To avoid anyone seeing you coming out of Yoongi’s bedroom in an effort to find you, you quickly and quietly walked out from the comfort of his room when you were sure you were devoid of signs that you were in utter distress just minutes ago. 

 Jungkook was about to run to find you but stopped when he saw you emerging back in the living room. Completely different from how you looked a while ago, he stares in confusion as you gleefully greet Jiyong who was now also present in the living room. Namjoon shares the same confusion as Jungkook. Yoongi was sitting down beside them and he saw the youngest member’s eyes following you as he tries to study your now seemingly normal expression.

 Taehyung runs up to you behind the couch where you and your brother stand, pulling your wrist to ask you to play one-on-one against him. You don’t refuse and you take up space beside him, seated on the carpet. Just before the game starts, you turn to look at Yoongi and found him gazing at you. You mouthed Thank youto him and he nods before you got back to play with Taehyung.

 Jin, Namjoon and Jungkook were wary when the topic about the MT came up again, you even catch Jungkook kicking Jimin’s feet to stop him from talking. When it was Jungkook’s turn to play again, you notice his eyes anxiously wander back to you from time to time. He must have been blaming himself for making you sad. 

 Like Jiyong knew what you needed to cheer up the youngest, he offered everyone ramyun as a late-night snack. Jungkook perked up at your brother’s offer while still glued to the screen and what looks like he’s winning against Taehyung. You quietly walked away from the living room to join your brother in the kitchen.

 For a while, Jiyong kept quiet as you both hover around the kitchen. Normally, he would shower you with affection, tease you and bug you but you silently wonder why he’s not doing any of those. Your suspicion is confirmed when he starts to rub his hand behind your back as you discard the noodles from each packet. Your gaze dipped to him as stood there silently while emptying the contents of the soup packet unto the boiling pot.

 “Noona, can I have that spicy ramen over there?” Jungkook asks, timidly walking over towards the both of you. You notice that he was standing slightly far from you, shoulders hunched and head down. His doe eyes still glistening as he subtly avoids meeting your eyes. 

Although you feel bad for him, the corner of your mouth quirked up at him looking so adorable despite him towering over you. He seems to be so intimidating at work especially when he’s so focused but if you could just ball him up right now in your hands, you would. 

You beckon him to come closer with your finger. When he was about an arms-length away from you, he opens his mouth to blurt out something. Before he even let out a sound, you pat his head, stopping him from talking any further.

“Thank you for worrying about me.” His eyes gleamed. “I’ll make you a whole bowl of ramyun of your choice. How does that sound?”

Jungkook jumps up and down in glee and he squeezed between you and Jiyong to reach for a packet of ramen. “Hyung, I like her better than you.” He sticks his tongue out then quickly dashes out of the kitchen before Jiyong could even counter.

You chortle. “You heard him. Apparently, they also request my presence every Game Night for my exquisite Culinary Expertise.”

“Well, I won’t argue about your cooking. Sooner or later, they’ll be bribing you for something. Those troublemakers.” Jiyong crinkles his nose, reminiscing all the times he spent with the boys where they’ll prank and tease him.

Yoongi sits back comfortably on the couch when he hears you regain your bright energy as you laugh and mingle with your brother in the kitchen. 

Next: pt. 7

[hoshinokaabi-secretsanta]

Alright, give me everything you've got // Rules and the Specifics

EVENT SCHEDULE:

Signups Open: October 29th Signups Close: November 15th Assignments Given: November 20th Check-in: December 6th Deadline to submit your gift: December 20th Posting: December 25th

Mods will message all participants on November 20th with their preferred method of communication and give them the wishlist of the person they will be making a gift for. Everyone will have a month to create their gift.

There will be a check-in midway through to ensure all participants are working on, or are still interested in working on their gift. This is mandatory, but please don't stress about it even if you haven't started on your gift at that time! It's just us checking on your progress and ensuring we have active contact with all participants.

Submit your gift to hoshinokaabi.secretsanta@gmail.com by email once you're finished. If you'd like, you may include a message to your recipient in the same email, which will be posted publicly alongside your gift on December 25th. Submitting finished gifts through email is highly preferred, but if you're really not comfortable with that, or don't have an email, you may private message us your gift instead.

RULES:

Your gift must follow your recipient's wishlist and respect their blacklist.

Your gift must be finished. We're purposely keeping the definition of "finished" vague, but it should at the very least have color and, if your gift is a drawing, have little to no sketch or construction lines. If you are submitting writing, your finished work must be a minimum of 1200 words (but can be however long you'd like) and should be able to be read standalone, with no additional context or chapters needed.

No NSFW/18+ content is allowed in this event. You may not request it nor gift it. Any romantic pairings involving minors and adults together are also banned.

Do not post about your gift or who you're gifting for before gifts are revealed. This also extends to not posting WIPS and not messaging your giftee. Additionally, if you have a question for your giftee, message us and we will relay the question for you.

If during the event, you think you need to drop out, or need an extension, please message us as early as possible.

Be respectful and have fun!

WISHLISTS:

Make a wishlist using Google Docs or a .txt file. If using Google Docs, your wishlist must be able to be viewed by anyone with the link. If you do not know how to make your document public, click here for a tutorial.

List at least two characters and at least three prompts. Order them top to bottom from most wanted to least wanted.

At the bottom of your wishlist, have a blacklist section listing what you do not want to gift and what you do not want to receive for any reason. Make the "gifting blacklist" and the "receiving blacklist" each their own section. The gifting blacklist will help us assign you to a suitable partner, while the receiving blacklist will inform your santa what not to make for you.

To make this event friendly to all artists of all skill levels, characters from other series are not permitted. OC's that are not Kirby OC's or not in the Kirby universe are also not permitted.

Gijinkas and Kirby OC's/FC's are allowed, but you must provide a link to their design.

Here's an example wishlist including examples of all of the criteria above. Feel free to copy it and use it as a template if you'd like. [link]

POSTING:

All gifts will be posted on this blog on December 25th, listing both the gifter and giftee along with a note the gifter left, if they left one. Once the gift you made is posted, you may post it on other sites and show it anywhere you please.

PORTFOLIO:

The sign-up sheet will ask you for a portfolio.

For artists who draw and crafters: make a Google Drive folder showing at least three (but up to ten) finished pieces of yours. You can also just link to any art posts you've made, or include links to the images themselves. As long as we can see your art, it's all good. We ask this to ensure all participants are eligible to participate (for example, we wouldn't accept someone who has no finished art, or is unable to take photos of their art in good quality). Depending on the results of this poll, we may also use this portfolio to assign partners. Again, if you use Google Drive, please make sure your folder is visible to everyone who has the link.

For writers: Please link any clean writing work you've done. You are only required to show one piece minimum, but at least one piece (out of however many you chose to link) must be at least 1200 words. The work(s) you link do not have to be considered finished, but they should be clean (not drafts, and with reasonably good spelling and grammar).

If you can gift multiple types of art, you can include examples of all of those types of art in your portfolio. It's not required, but it will help us pair you. Please follow one set of requirements above, at minimum.

Other things to keep in mind:

You may make as many gifts for your recipient as you'd like, as long as they follow their wishlist. The more the merrier, as they say. But the minimum (and the default!) is just one gift. Don't feel pressured to make multiple.

If you're gifting traditional art, make sure youre able to either scan it, or photograph it in good lighting and in good quality. Ideally the picture should be cropped so that any sort of background is not visible.

Physical crafts and other gifts of that nature should likewise be photographed in good lighting and good quality.

Going a little wild with your gift is a-okay. Extra things like animation, comics, fancy backgrounds, etc, are very welcome. (Though if it happens anyone doesn't want to receive these things for whatever reason, note it on your blacklist).

Reminder: submit your gift to hoshinokaabi.secretsanta@gmail.com by email once you're finished, or private message us your gift if you really don't want to use email. Include a message to your giftee in the same email/message, if you want to. It will be posted alongside your gift on Christmas.

Ready to sign-up? All links are at the bottom of all information posts. Send us an ask or message if you have any questions.

Links:

Basic Information

Rules and the Specifics (You are here!)

Poll regarding assignments

Sign-up Sheet

[lonelyrosebindery]

What is Lonely Rose Bindery?

Hi!

If you're reading this, you're probably either interested in fanbinding, or a fic writer trying to ensure I'm not some rando on the internet trying to get your personal information or a scammer planning to illegally sell something. Feel free to message me if you have any concerns that aren't answered below!

I'm TS, but you can also call me Rose. I write fanfic on AO3 here and (previously) Fanfic.net here, blog about diabetes in fandom at @type1diabetesinfandom and @yourfavisdiabetic, and flail about misc fandom stuff on my main @too-short-for-my-own-good. I'm also on Discord @ tooshortformyowngood.

I've been in various fan spaces since the early 2010s, and I'll probably keep at until the day I die! I'm multifandom and multiship. Besides writing, I also draw fan art and make podfics, moodboards, playlists, meta, and headcanons. I've attended local and online cons and been to fan meetups.

And, at the end of 2022, I started fanbinding.

Why do I bind fanfiction?

It's March 29th as I write this, and I've read approximately 2 million words of fanfiction this year. I have over 1600 bookmarks on AO3.

I bind fics primarily to preserve them. I've seen many fics be deleted or locked before I downloaded them. (I'm sure we've all been there.) Keeping a copy on my shelf means I don't have to worry as much about losing a favorite story.

A physical copy makes rereading much easier! I get eye strain easily, and some websites just have horrible formatting.

I get to show a writer that I loved their story enough to HAND BIND it. I've met some amazing people this way!

Traditionally hand-binding fanfic pushes back against the notion that fic isn't "real writing."

What to expect on this blog:

Here, I share some of the fanbinding projects I've done, which includes fic, fan studies, meta, freely-available original fiction, public domain works, comics, and zines. Each book is lovingly crafted to honor its creator/s.

As a proud member of the Renegade Bookbinding Guild @renegadeguild, I'm part of a wonderful community dedicated to celebrating fic writers and preserving fandom's dying gift economy. It's an honor to contribute to this cause, and I love getting the chance to give people a bound copy of their writing/art--it's an amazing feeling to get to hold your own work in your hands!

To Authors & Artists:

To all the talented authors and artists whose works I've bound: consider this an open invitation to reach out to me for an author's copy! It's my small way of saying thank you for the joy (and angst lol) your projects have brought me.

I usually try to contact writers/artists directly, but sometimes it doesn't work. Don't be shy! I want to give you a gift!

I don't share any personal information (I would hope that's obvious, but this IS the internet...), and I encourage people to use a PO Box or a friend's address when being offered a fanbinding. Just make sure the friend or other proxy in question is ok with being sent fanfic!

If you don't want to risk receiving a physical copy, I can share the typeset with you instead! The typeset is the formatted PDF, to make the fic itself look like a traditionally published story. These can be plain or artistic, depending on the project and the style of the typesetter.

If there's artwork that's been made for the fic, please let me know! I look for that but it can be tricky, especially when things aren't linked together.

I do NOT share typesets to anyone outside the Renegade Bookbinding Guild, except the author/artist. Even in Renegade, I only share with established members via personal requests unless the author gives me blanket permission to share with the guild as a whole.

Lonely Rose Bindery operates on a NON-PROFIT basis.

Please note that while I pour my heart and soul into each project, I DO NOT accept commissions! I am a hobbyist driven by a deep, deeeeep love for fanfic. I bind purely for the joy of crafting, and the preservation of stories that mean the world to me.

If you are not the author or artist who worked on a specific fic, do NOT request a copy! You are welcome to ask questions and talk about the craft. My askbox is open, and reblogs are turned on.

Message me if you...

are an author/artist who wants to request multiple copies (i.e. for friends or family, or different editions)

kindly want to help with shipping costs (because international shipping is fucking expensive)

have specific colors or themes in mind for your fic

I will not take requests for specific materials, nor accept payment for any materials used.

Lonely Rose Bindery is not just about preserving fanfiction; it's about celebrating the creativity and community of fandom. With each project, I try to honor the stories and art that I love and to promote a gift economy against the rise of consumerism that has recently plagued multiple fandoms.

I look forward to sharing more fanbinds and continuing to improve my bookbinding skills. I never knew how many ways you can make a book until I started this!

Remember, my askbox is always open, so feel free to reach out with any questions, suggestions, or just to say hello. Happy reading!