#felt like reflecting on my bday lol

[nerdishfeels]

Just turned 27 today!! 🎉

I used to worry about getting closer to the big 30 because people put so many expectations on how you’re supposed to be: Financially stable and married with kids. Also, they love throwing around the whole “losing your youth” (which is so not true). But tbh I love my age. 27 feels like a badass age where you know what to expect from life so you live it the way you want.

The funny thing is that I thought when you become an adult, you would feel different. But I don’t. I grew up fast because of my childhood, so I always felt mature for my age throughout school and college. Even though there are days when I’m really struggling, I’m grateful that at my age, I have the freedom in choosing what I want to do. I can breathe for myself. I’m also grateful for the support that I have.

As a lil birthday gift, I’ll leave a reminder. Always stay young at heart. No matter how old you get, don’t give up on the things that make you happy. Don’t change yourself simply because someone “your age” wouldn’t do something you do. Always choose to be you in the end and you will find those people who love you for you ❤️

[libra-stellium]

Pluto in Aquarius - 12H Transit

Reflecting on Friendships

The last time pluto was in aquarius was March 23 - June 11 2023 and during that time was when a friend of 8/9 years ghosted me in early March and I tried to mend things during that 3 month period and the last time we had a conversation was June 10 2023 lol (we did tell each other happy birthday and thank you in Sept and Nov after that but no actual conversation)

Then this year pluto goes into aqua again on Jan 20 2024 and I tell a couple friends about how my TikTok FYP gets sooo many of her reposts about fake friends and hating people who aren’t confrontational and how nobody knows how to communicate lol so I liked one of them and they stopped! Then like 2 weeks later there’s a repost about getting confronted about reposts and how you can’t take anything online seriously 😂 but there’s been 0 reposts since so I think it worked 🤷🏾‍♀️

Then on Jan 29 I had a dream that I was in a groupchat with her and other people who I used to be friends with in college but my friendship with them didn’t make it past that so I guess they ended like 5 years ago? We would sometimes do group things but it quickly died down. They’re all still friends tho I think. Anyway so in this dream one girl sent a longgggggg ass message about all the things she hated about me 💀 (my dreams are always dramatic lmfao) and that girl who ghosted me was hearting the messages within seconds like she was right there when it was written!! Lmao message received!! I don’t think they actually hate me to this extent irl but I’m a Pisces rising so my dreams don’t lie 🤷🏾‍♀️

And this entire week I’ve been thinking about what I actually want out of friendships and that friendship wasn’t bad but it also wasn’t completely what I wanted in a friendship and I think I was holding on for longer than necessary bc nothing had happened between us so why end a friendship you know? And towards the end right before I was like “she ghosted me” I remember thinking why do I feel like I’m begging ? Lmao bc I would type a message and erase it like I felt she wouldn’t care about what I had to say. Which is weird bc I wasn’t saying anything out of the ordinary 😭 and I should’ve listened to that feeling more lol

I definitely want friendships with more care involved. I have a few friends I can have deep conversations with and who didn’t mind listening to me vent to them about what my narc mom was doing to me that week and I let them vent too. But like…while I was going through that no one asked me if I needed anything or if I needed help with anything it was just like yeah that sucks 😕 and that’s it. I was sick recently and one of my friends I told I was sick never responded to my message and then I go on IG two days later to see she’s on vacation with her bf and then she calls me when she gets back a week later and not once asked me if I was feeling better but immediately started talking about a situation with her bf 🙃 like okayyyyyy

So I think that’s def going to be a major Pluto in aqua theme for me. I just need to actually sit down and figure out what I want my friendships to look like.

I feel like I already do for them what I’m looking for so I know I’m not asking for a lot! And I did think about my people pleaser tendencies and it wasn’t even about that like someone sharing an achievement and me going “we should go here to celebrate!” But me sharing an achievement and just getting the congrats text with confetti and if I want to celebrate I gotta say I want to go celebrate let’s go here like 😀 and even for my bday last year I was fresh off no contact with my mom obviously distressed and no one offered any options for my bday when it was less than a week before and I was saying I literally have no idea what to do I’m overwhelmed they just kept asking did you plan it yet? So I ended up just picking a random place for brunch lol but it felt like too much to be like “can someone plan my bday for me?” 💀 my take on it is very if they wanted to they would

It’s 4:44

I think it relates to my family too bc from the way their lives have turned out I have this fear of not having any friends bc they don’t have any friends in their 50s 60s and continuously tell me how lonely it is and to make sure that never happens to me and to make sure I keep all my friends lol no pressure! But tbh the reason they don’t have any friends is bc I don’t think they were friends with those people to begin with they were just in proximity and they did not actually care about each other.

I wonder what’s going to show up between Sept 1 - Nov 19 2024 when Pluto goes back into cap and reenters aqua for the next 20 years bc my bday happens in that gap and there’s always something surrounding my bday!!

[friendship-switchblades]

for end-of-year asks: 14 + 20?

HEY STZERO!! :)

14. Favorite book you read this year? I'm SO glad someone asked me this one! Geoff Rickly's Someone Who Isn't Me was fantastic, and held the crown for most of the year. Having just gotten back into reading regularly, I was mostly plowing through fun sci-fi novellas and mid nonfiction (perhaps, all nonfiction is simply mid at best). SWIM was the first that stood out as a work that had goals beyond entertainment - and succeeded. Prose, structure, the unflinching honesty of "I think this is a good basis for a novel but fuck it, let's punch it up." Geoff has always deserved more than just being "the guy who gave MCR their first break" and I'm so happy for him!

Idlewild by James Frankie Thomas is dead-heat-tied for favorite of the year. Calling it a "psychological thriller" evokes superhuman serial killers and action setpieces, but I truly have no other way of describing it. A moment in time (NYC post-9/11; teenhood of the early 00s) captured in the obsessive, codependent romantic-friendship of queer teen weirdos. I couldn't put it down. Watching Nell and Fay's all-consuming relationship jump the rails and witnessing their shared plural perspective split into their separate, singular narrative chapters felt like being flayed open.

(If only they were a few years younger, and had been teens when The Black Parade came out. That would have fixed nothing but I like to think those fanfic-writing theater kids would've loved the album.)

20. What’s something you learned this year? HM this is a good one. I answered the above right away, but needed to reflect on this since receiving the ask.

I think I'm a person prone to inertia, I don't naturally assume the role of initiating. And this year I spent a lot of time stepping out of that predilection. It's not like I was ever happy not doing anything, just that I couldn't conceive of the steps and the consistency in pursuing them.

This year I confronted that a lot, both personally and professionally. I got multiple tattoos (so much emailing), I planned TWO birthday parties for myself (regular winter bday and then forced everyone to go to the beach for my half birthday), I booked a short trip by myself! Not to mention all of the time I got to spend with friends just because I stopped being such a passenger princess. This was all shit I've always wanted to do that's never happened as much before!

I also had to do all this shit professionally, too, but that's way less fun and heartwarming lol. But hey I art directed an entire [redacted] and posters I designed were plastered all over NYC, which fuckin ruled.

[luvhrs]

(´-ㅅก`)

first post & its a diary entry. i think i might be breaking some internet safety rules here. sorry dad

i wanted to post somewhere where id see a timestamp bcs what do i have if not the need to document as it happens every thought. feeling. memory memory memory (& u kno the rare accompanying energy to actually... do that). of all the social media i have (& am barely on lol) tumblr seemed like a good idea for some reason. so here i am blessing(?) the new main blog with ye olde thoughts!!

its almost the middle of the year like damn alr a week into may but still i felt compelled to write a lil thing even if i (...again) failed to keep up with daily diary entries after january. weirdly enough the reason was that i had a rly nice midnight shower. warm. gentle. unhurried. the likes of lizzy mcalpine, searows, niki, & phoebe bridgers as bgm

ig i dont get to sit in my pleasant feelings much. & i just want to rmbr a time when i did :)

today's fav things:

☆ still deciding what song to sing for my bday cover :o i was originally planning to do my all time fav song (which will be my lil secret first heh) but,,, idk if its the mercury retrograde effect lol but i thought i wanted to do smth more raw this time? unpolished. heartfelt. not too high effort & processed. ig i want it to be a reflection of one of my wishes for myself as i turn another year older: that i allow myself to do more things even without thinking abt them too much that i get paralyzed

☆ SPEAK NOW TV ON JULY 7TH HELLO????? im so excited for every track even the ones from the vault goddddd but probably long live especially 🥺

☆ ate my fav famous bowl fully loaded meal & turon !!!!!

☆ found & saved a bunch of new songs from clara benins small town song radio. fav from those is nikis backburner <3 maybe im just not better than this, i havent tried. maybe lifes less romantic when i dont wanna die

i have to be somewhere in 6 hours. i slep

[fasa-umich]

External Itinerary: 2024 Edition || Therese Cerdan, FASA's 2023-2024 Co-External Chair

Contact Information

Therese Cerdan: (000) 612-7692 Yes, I am writing this testimonial like an external trip itinerary. No, I am not putting my actual phone number. Before I get into my reflections on being external, I’d like to thank some very important people! (and because contact info comes first in our itineraries)

Sofia Gestiada: (000) 259-9023 Hi Sofia. I truly truly could not have asked for a better co. You’ve genuinely made this experience being on board a fun one, and having to do work never felt super serious or daunting because of you. Whenever I began to overthink or worry too much about FASA things, you were able to help me take a step back and come up with good solutions. I am going to rave about you more in a later section, so I will keep this short for now.

Alyssa and Bryson Madame and Mister President! This club could not run without you. I appreciate how you both were always there to give us advice, especially on how to interact with other orgs. Alyssa– I always tell you that you would be an amazing external. I love yapping with you about the other externals and MAFA in general. Bryson– You are such a reliable person. If I ever asked something from you, you always came through (benches 😭🙏).

Ashley and Mikey You guys are the blueprint. Sofia and I both came into this position having not interned, so we for real did not know what was going on at first. Thank you for showing us the ropes and for your advice throughout the year!

Board!!! Nicole, Andrew, Lizzy, Philip, Zainab, Eli, Mizzy, Gabe, Kendra, Ash, Taryn, Kayla, Sofia, Alyssa, Bryson (+ interns :P) – I’ve had an amazing time with y’all. Thank you for putting up with us adding random events to the calendar.

Sophie and Angeli To the gals who convinced me to do board….spare change 🪙?

Meg and Kyle Had to shout out the OGs. My first FASA friends. Here is the day we first met KGR lol. I am also writing this on Megan’s bday (3/15) so everyone say happy late bday Meg.

Freshmen us at Fall mass meeting ‘21

Housing Addresses

Cebu, Philippines. My connection to Filipino culture stems directly from my parents. Both of them grew up, met, and got married in Cebu City, Philippines. They moved over to Michigan with a group of other Filipinos in their engineering company, whose kids I grew up with. Because of this, I was fortunately able to grow up with a close-knit Filipino community and attend many family parties. I knew that in college I would absolutely want to find a similar kind of community, which is why there was no question that I would join FASA.

Dearborn, Michigan. This is the city I was born in and went to elementary and high school in. Although I grew up going to Filipino parties and the fact that Dearborn is already one of the most diverse cities in Michigan, I attended a predominantly white, Catholic school for almost my entire life (I did live in Shanghai for 3 years but I don’t feel like writing a section on it. Ask me about it if you want lol). I had very conflicting views of my identity as a result. I was microaggressed as the smart Asian my whole life, but I took this as a compliment and was simultaneously proud to be the different kind of Asian (aka not East Asian, like most of the stereotypes). Regardless of these external factors, I have always been proud to be Filipino.

Ann Arbor, Michigan. My sister Audrey was in Fil-Soc at Wayne State and I had various family friends in FASOU and SAFA, so it was a no-brainer that I join FASA at UMich. But my freshman year, I was a commuter student and ended up going to maybe 3 FASA events. Since I lived at home, I spent a lot more time going to FilViet volleyball up in Waterford/ Troy, which is where I met so many of my external friends. I guess everything happens for a reason, because if I wasn’t so inactive my freshman year, I wouldn’t have met the externals and eventually run for external chair of FASA as a result. 

Me and the fam swimming with whale-sharks (butanding) in Cebu 2013

Packing List

An amazing co The most important part of your trip as external is having an amazing co-chair. Sofia Beatrice del Rosario Gestiada has been one of the people I admire most in my life. Not only did she support me professionally, but she became someone I could depend on just in life in general. Your co is there to balance you out and provide support when the job gets tough. Sofia never failed to make me laugh when times got stressful, which was often because we were truly in the trenches together this whole year (we don’t talk about October).

Be okay with saying no With that being said, if you do not want to be planning external event after event during your tenure, be okay with saying no to some things! This is definitely something that Ashley and Mikey told us, but alas we did not listen. Oftentimes, FASA would be invited to join other internal events after we had finalized our calendar for the semester. Because we so loved our fellow A/PIA orgs, we wanted to join events when they invited us. Regardless, I have no regrets about any of the external events we planned and joined because they were genuinely all so fun and I loved working with the other externals/ outreach chairs.

A vision You have to want to build FASA’s connections with other orgs in order to perform this position correctly. There’s no question about that. Growing up, I had always known FASA as the “clique-y” Filipino org. During my whole term, I tried to help board and general members realize that external connections, both in and outside of the UM community, are important. You love the Filipino community found within FASA– why not expand it further within MAFA (Midwest Association of Filipino Americans)! Whether this worked or not, I am very proud of FASA stepping out of its comfort zone to interact with other orgs, especially the PSAs (Pilipino Student Associations). 

Connections! (not required) As I’ve been saying, my existing connections within the other PSA’s were the main reason I wanted to be an external chair. Not only was this helpful in shaping my vision, but it also helped make communication with them pretty efficient throughout the year. In fact, it happened quite serendipitously that both the Fil-Soc and Kapa external chairs this year were people I grew up with (s/o John Paul and Spencer), among other family friends on various PSA boards. But having prior connections are by no means requirements to do a good job as external! It’s all about how you build and maintain relationships, and wanting to build them in the first place. In my position, I’ve been able to meet and get to know so many of the amazing externals and outreach chairs of both internal and external orgs.

Baby me, Bea (Purdue PFA), JP (Fil-Soc), Spencer (Kapa), and Anton (SAFA) balling out

Itinerary

Now let’s get into some of the cool events that Sofia and I got to put on as externals!

Rice Bowl This was Sofia and I’s first event. Rice Bowl is an annual field day/ sports competition with MSU’s PASS in April/ May. It felt like we were thrown into it, having hosted it in AA for the first year since covid. This was a huge learning curve for me especially in figuring out how to work with non-FASA boardies, but luckily we had a lot of past documents to rely on (RIP FASA archives 💔). It’s amazing that we are able to maintain connections with another org through an annual event, so I’d love to see more FASA programs like this (hint hint @ next externals). Anyways, I believe that we will win Rice Bowl next year guys! Pls!!

Internal collabs During the FASA welcome week extravaganza of 2023, Sofia and I hosted our first internal collab! It was a cultural game night on the Diag with TASA. This semester, we also got to plan a huge tailgate with VSA, MSU PASS, and MSU VSA in East Lansing and it was just a swell, fun and safe time. We further bonded with the other UMich APIDA orgs during the Halloween LIVE collab, Celebrasia, ice skating night with CSA, and VSA’s annual Sweet Soiree. This semester, we were able to pull off probably one of the most rewarding events for me, which was Tsismis en el Barrio with La Casa. Being able to reflect on the shared culture and identity between the Filipino and Latinx peoples was an experience I will never forget. I hope this event returns sometime in the coming years.

Battle of the Bamboo 2024 This deserves its own category y’all. I am so beyond proud of our performance chairs and all the performers for all the work they put in to win us 3rd place! It makes the 3 hours a day working on spreadsheets for 2 weeks straight almost worth it! 😀Kidding. Not really. The trip to Chicago was the most demanding task of my time as external. But honestly, it was so worth it to hear how much of a fun time our general members had in Chicago. And it was really fun to make cars and houses and plan out what performers and non-performers should do with their time away from Ann Arbor. 

Music committee slay

Afterset Info 😛

Being on board felt like a never-ending party. I have never felt so encompassed by a community to the point where Filipinos and Filipino culture are found in all aspects of my life. Everywhere I go on campus now, I am able to see a familiar face, which makes this huge campus feel a lot smaller. Becoming an active member in FASA through being on board has been one of my favorite experiences in college. It’s opened so many doors for me not only socially and culturally, but professionally as well. It’s allowed me to make connections and learn about opportunities that will benefit me in my future career endeavors. Like many other boardies, I have wondered what comes next after FASA, but now I realize that FASA truly set me up for a great future. Being on a board like this teaches you so many soft skills like communication, problem-solving, and logistics planning. Most importantly, my time on board and in FASA has made me decide to pursue Philippine studies in my future anthropological research. 

To finish off this itinerary of my trip as co-external chair, I would like to wish the best of luck to our future boardies and next year’s external chairs. I know you will do great things <3

Inserting a pic of my Lakapati lin girlies bc I love them so

Ingat,

Therese Marie Enario Cerdan, FASA co-external chair ‘23-24

[daisybell17]

day 107: met with kindness

tw: mentions of sh

what an interesting day…so i had my appointment in the morning and i wont go into too much detail besides that it was the first time i had spoken with someone much older than me of my issued when it comes to infliction of self-harm and she was very specific with the questions, asking if my scars were still visible and more…it felt both relieving but scary because i’ve never opened up in that context…without being met with anger or judgment and it was such a scary but amazingly overwhelming feeling…like wow people can be kind you know?

so after i headed to the library and did some self reflection and then i studied, and then met with a friend to sign a letter for my close friend since its their bday celebration tomorrow and we got em something!! and then…my bag spilled my makeup remover so THAT was fun cleaning up…and then saw my other friends, went to say bye to family since im going back home for the holidays after tomorrow so ya…i stayed up till now solving maths and my head hurts lol ok gnight!! wish my luck on my other exam tom!!

[pentagrammie]

I am thankful for my opportunity to exist in this body that allows me to walk to the store and get some lotion lol. My bday was pretty simple. I wanted to embrace the outdoors and see Migi run outside and be happy. I wanted to just be. Talk about things that matter. Laugh and smile. I played some rocket league. I was able to exist.

I was able to talk to some people that I hold dear. I was able to reflect on who I am. How I wish to make sense of myself.

I understand that I likely have autism. I understand that I’ve always been a soul that feels so deeply. That my way of being isn’t exactly “typical”- if that even exists? But I definitely am neurodivergent.

I feel a sense of relief with accepting this in my life and what this means to me. The beauty I can capture in my words and the awe life holds for me in endless facets. I weep for how I have felt without explanation. The efforts I’ve tied into my words just to be understood. Feeling my way through life understanding direct communication and honestly as the pinnacle of idealism. Not always comprehending why that truth isn’t desired, and how despite my love and intentions I’m not received. I understand how I operate as a magnet to people- repelling as much as I draw in. I vibrate within intensities, and my external world appears to reflect that.

I hope to carry with me more grace as I ripen. I hope to feel beautiful in my skin as my own. Not belonging to the desires of whom others wish for me to be. I want my soul to be a beaming blossoming testimony to all I believe to be true. Doing my best as Erikalyn. My soul to nurture. Unmask. Feel in tune with my perspective to guide in my action. I wish to deepen the symphony of my tune in harmony of the universe. I exist with sound to not be small. To not feel weight of judgement. To exist beautifully as me. A soul I accept to be quirky to others. To maybe vibrate at a frequency that holds true to my inner compass. But not to please as I’m in tune with the desires of others.

I do my best. I always have. With what I know at each moment. I’m excited to learn more.

Please grant me so many opportunities to learn more, universe.

This experience is so divine, and I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I love, you.

You.

Erikalyn.

Your universe.

I love all I create.

All I feel.

All that matters to me.

All that matters to others.

All.

I love you.

I love it all.

Thank you.

[tokkiotears]

my type - pt. 2

note: italics are flashback/memories.. alright!! part 2 is here, im really enjoying writing this so far . its hard for me to write rly long parts but maybe we will get there one day lol; for @sapphireplums happy late bday darling

pairing: druig x (f)reader

summary: after telling kingo that the two of you are dating, druig asks why you had ever stopped being friends a few centuries earlier.

warnings: fake dating, slow-ish burn, not proofread!!

wc: 1.5k

“Hey man, I don’t wanna argue - I just came to ask…” You could make out Kingo’s voice pretty well from inside the bathroom, but the conversation dimmed and turned to mumbles that you could no longer comprehend through the door. . Now adorned in Druig’s clothes, you stood and fiddled with the hems. Checking your appearance in the mirror, you sighed. What was Druig thinking? You were going to have to explain to everyone that it wasn’t true and that you really were single - all alone for yet another year.

“Happy thoughts,” You say to your reflection. You open the door slowly, peeking out.

Druig is nowhere in sight, which is both a disappointment and a relief. As quiet as you can, you sneak into the hallway, towards your own room. It is just down the hall thankfully, but you have to pass many of the other Eternals rooms to get there. With the lack of light, you end up smacking your foot into the baseboard. A very audible thud echoes through the house. Your face contorts, a silent scream escaping.

“What’re you doing?” The voice behind you is unmistakable. Druig. You turn with a pained smile.

“Going to my room.” You whisper, wondering why he isn’t keeping his voice down. He shakes his head, pursing his lips together.

“Nah, come on.”

“But-“ His hand slipping in yours is what silences you, causing your heart to thud. You swear it's loud enough for him to hear, but his lack of reaction makes you think maybe he can’t. Once you’re back in the confines of his room, he turns to speak to you.

“Kingo has probably already texted Sersi and Sprite, likely even Ajak - and the others will have heard by morning. If they think we’re together then they will think something is wrong if we aren’t sleeping in the same room,” His accent is so mesmerizing to listen to that you almost don’t comprehend what he’s saying, “Is your foot okay?”

Looking down at it you can see it's slightly red, and still stings a little. But after all, you’re an Eternal. It’ll pass soon enough. You nod and Druig turns to grab a small throw blanket and a pillow from the bed. You extend your arms to take them, but he ignores you and tosses them onto the floor as if for his own use.

“I’ll sleep on the floor,” You say softly. “I’m not kicking you out of your own bed, Dru.”

His head is hung low as he chews on his lip. His lack of response lets you know that’s not gonna happen.

You motion towards the bed, “We can both sleep on the bed?”

His head turns up and his eyes are now on you. He looks unsure.

“It’s not like this would be the first time,” Your tone isn’t suggestive, but an attempt to keep him from sleeping on the hardwood floor and guilt eating at your conscience. His lips pull into a faint smirk, but he doesn’t object.

⏤■⏤

A few hours into the night, you’re still unable to find sleep. Druig is breathing softly beside you, you could make out the rising and falling of his chest with the faint moonlight spilling in through the window.

Carefully, you remove yourself from the blankets and make your way to the window. It is a large clean-cut rectangle stretching from the ceiling nearly to the floor, lined with wispy chiffon curtains. Slipping into the windowsill, you let yourself relax. The cold walls feel fresh against your skin, giving you a sense of clarity.

Sometimes, it felt numb. Being an Eternal. Endless life.

Daily life felt as if it were reduced to monotony. Love was bitter, you either found it with a mortal; doomed to die before your eyes. Or hope that within the few other Eternals you were paired with that you’d somehow be so lucky to fall in love and be loved in return. It was fulfilling to help the humans grow - but many of them seemed destined to self-sabotage.

You press your fingertips against the glass, watching fog form around your fingertips as a response to your body heat. The rustling of blankets causes you to look towards Druig, his figure lazily writhing in the sea of blankets to face you. His eyes hesitantly open to make out the silhouette of your body in the window.

“Hey,” You whisper with a melancholy smile. Even from this far away, his eyes are a piercing shade, glowing in the moonlight.

“What’re you still doing awake, doll?” The raspiness of his voice conveys his lethargy well. The comforter is haphazardly draped over his abdomen and you can’t help but admire his picturesque-ness. Even after thousands of years of knowing him he somehow still managed to render you awestruck. You tried to suppress the flutters in your stomach that bloomed at the nickname.

“Why’d you tell Kingo…” You trail off, gazing out the window at the snowy hills. You glance back at him.

“I know it bothers you that they ask,” He was awake now, scooting to the edge of the bed and tossing the blanket aside. “I figured two birds one stone. I get to spend more time with you for a bit and they stop annoying you.”

Audibly, he sighs. Druig meanders to the windowsill, taking a seat across from you. All you can offer him is a smile. You don’t notice when he intertwines his legs with yours; Only when his fingers graze over the skin on the back of your hand. “What happened in Brazil?”

⏤■⏤

The party raged on for days. The famous Carnival. 1800 is a year to celebrate apparently.

The heat of the day was dissipating slowly into a comfortable warmth, yet the crowds only grew more sweaty. Glass beads, tinsel, feathers, they all littered the streets. You remembered when you first got wind that there were extensive festivals going on here - it was something that you and Druig couldn’t resist.

Luckily, you had snagged a small wooden chair on the edge of the alleyway. It was nearly morning and you were on your reserves to keep partying. Every now and then you’d see a pair of golden eyes - Druig taking over a person in order to find you. He couldn’t keep up with how fast you moved in these crowds. You spotted a young man, with a curly head of hair.

“Y/N,” He greeted in his mother tongue. His eyes beamed a bright gold.

“I’m ready to go home if you are,” You pant, desperate to peel the layers of sweaty clothing off and bathe in the springs. “Come get me.”

The boy scoffs, a mischievous smile on his lips. Then, his eyes dim and he returns to what he was doing before Druig took over. You spotted him in the crowd, mop of dark hair covered in glitters. His smile was so bright and his demeanor so happy. Something in the back of your head nagged at you. It had before. ‘Look how happy he is!’ ‘You’re holding him back.’ ‘You could never make him truly happy.’

A group of happy youth pulls him into their vicinity - forcing him to join their dancing. You give him one more look before you turn and melt into the crowd.

It was difficult to avoid him in Brazil, really in most of South America. You’d avoid those glowing eyes, even if they weren’t his. Somehow you had convinced yourself that he was better off without you.

⏤■⏤

“Y/N?” Druig’s low voice broke through your thoughts. No surprise there. “Lost in your own head again?”

You rest your head onto the window pane. “Mhm.”

The forest in the distance is bristling with movement, caribou wandering through the snow.

“I thought it was time to stop holding you back. That’s why I left Rio.”

Druig’s dark brows furrowed. “Holding me back?”

His hands grew firm against yours. You used to be able to read him so well, but now you could hardly tell what mood he was in. You missed the days where you’d surprise him with the first editions of his favorite novels and handmade trinkets. Druig rested his head on your clasped hands. Gazing at him, you say still. Admiring the way his midnight stands of hair shine.

“Cmon let's go to sleep,” You murmur. His hand is desperate to stay on yours, but he lets go momentarily. When he slips into his previous spot on the bed, and you yours, his hand ventures towards you from under the blanket. First, it grazes your hip and then finds its way back to your palm.

The shivers that ran down your spine soon dissipate as the heat from his body warms your own.

Is this friendship that has evolved over thousands of years, or is it something else?

–

✑ taglist : @dontbedumb3 @rexorangecouny @emptyloverofmine @who-even-is-galileo @justifymyfeelings @jelly4m @measure-in-pain

if you'd like to be added let me know xx

[actualbird]

What’s your take on the nxx team’s sexualities- ghost

hello, ghost!!! dubbing u as ghost!anon for future tagging purposes and also SORRY uve sent a bunch of neat asks before but this is one my current mood rlly vibed with. ty for this ask!!!

wc: 1373 so once again, buckle up for a bit of a read lol

my take is this: nxx investigation team is all diff flavors of bisexuals

mc

bisexual!!! but it took some time for her to get there

i like to think that for most of her life she identified as straight but then high school rolled around and she was like "GIRLS....PRETTY..." and then college and she was like "WAMAN....PRETTY...."

and for a while her train of thought was "ah, im so focused on other womens' beauty because of a weird internal jealousy." took her a bit more self reflection did she realize that, nope, shes so focused on other womens' beauty because SHES ALSO ATTRACTED TO WOMEN. same goes for non-men other genders.

her attraction to men is pretty standard though imo in terms of how it developed for her and how she became aware of it.

vyn richter

bisexual but he keeps scaring off people who find him hot

VYN VYN VYNNNN, hoo boy. given his expertise in psychology and his habit of evaluating himself on a regular basis (which, implied by some future cn server content where it was said he got into psychology at around 16) im sure he came to know he was bisexual in his teen years.

before that, attraction was something more muddled because he just despised everybody around him, at that point in his life LOL (references to vyn bday ssr 1)

once he does figure it out hes like "okay, this is a part of me, im alright with indulging it" but also he barely gets into any romantic relationship ever, before canon. actually, maybe he doesnt do a romantic relationship in the past at ALL, hes such a guarded dude. maybe he has a bunch of one night stands or short flings with women and men and others, but he doesnt Connect with another person truly.

additionally, his flings are far and in between because while vyn is undeniable sexy hot, hes hella intimidating and unnerving 90% of the time.

person attracted to vyn: is that dick worth the anxiety.....

it's a case to case basis if that dick is indeed worth the anxiety

artem wing

bisexual + demisexual + has the emotional connection skills of an orange peel

artem, beloved intelligent idiot!!! i explore his relationship with his sexuality a bit in my fic "heavy is the chest that wears the—" and to circumvent redundancy, lemme quote that bit below:

Artem is not oblivious to sexual attraction. Once upon a time, when he was younger, around 17 years old, he pondered identifying as asexual or as one of the subsets under that term, but he put that aside after he first watched Pride and Prejudice (2005). He had then acquired a recurring fantasy in which he would be sensually accosted by Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy in a secluded study after months of furtive, charged glances, lingering, split second touches, double entendres classily and subtly masked but still implying a repressed yet voracious—

Moving on.

His point is that he knows about sexual attraction. He has felt it on occasion. But for a long, long time, it just wasn’t that important to him. He had other things to focus on and other things that preoccupied his attention. Artem figured, perhaps foolishly, that he didn’t need to give it any thought until it actually became a pressing matter. He would cross that bridge when he got there.

so yeah!! my view on him is that he Knows sexuality exists due to a bisexual awakening thanks to Keira Knightly and Matthew McFayden. so he knows he could theoretically be into both women and men and others. but he just DOESNT CONFRONT IT FOR SUCH A LONG TIME LMAO mostly because it's not important to him without the emotional connection

which is just hilarious for artem who has such a hard time both understanding and pursuing emotional connections kjfdgs

artem: for me to be truly attracted to another person i need to forge a deep personal relationship with them

also artem: oh god how do i forge deep personal relationships

luke pearce

bisexual but didnt realize it for almost forever because he only had eyes for mc for majority of his life and when he realizes he finds men and others attractive hes like "HOLD UP....."

luke for a long time just never looked at anybody else both romantically and aesthetically because hes SO IN LOVE WITH MC. it was excruciating especially in his teen years or NSB training days because he would unknowingly compliment other men and other gendered folks like "hey you look really handsome today!! haha, youd be a huge catch as a boyfriend" and then luke walks away

dude he complimented: that man is NOT STRAIGHT but lord he has NO IDEA

luke eventually realizes it tho imo when he joins the nxx investigation and he slowly gets really close with non-mc individuals. sure, he got very close with aaron thanks to the NSB but that didnt trigger the sexuality realization because aaron, to luke, is just so absolutely annoying-but-caring-dad coded. also aaron is married (but i like to think that that aint a dealbreaker, who knows about aaron and his wife, they love each other very much but im not gonna nix the possibility of them sometimes bringing in a third, IT'S 2030, LET'S GO POLYAMORY, but back on topic)

SO WHEN LUKE FINDS OUT hes hilariously distressed about it because what!! how did this go unknown to him for so long!!! and why was the trigger, of all things, his nxx colleagues!!!

mc: ......luke, everybody currently in the nxx investigation team is horrendously attractive. of course this would be the trigger.

luke: HHHH OKAY UR RIGHT, THEYRE ALL SO HOT AND---wait, you said "everybody" do you. do you think im. dO U THINK IM ALSO----

//shy blushing and stuttering from both of them

marius von hagen

simultaneously "bisexual but nobody wants him/he doesnt want them (i mean this lovingly)" and "shameless bisexual (lovingly once more)" and "disaster bisexual (so so lovingly)" ALL AT ONCE. his range!!!!

marius has known he was good looking sexy hot ever since he was a teenager studying at university and people made eyes at him. hes pretty perceptive with unsaid tells!! so he knows people Want Him and he Wants Them Too but also the consequence of being a Von Hagen bites him in the ass a lot because it's either women and men and others want him but dont approach him thanks to the intimidating nature of his social class and family OR women and men and others do want him but exclusively to use him for personal gain and he doesnt want to deal with the repercussions of that

that kinda fucks up a dude!!!! but he likes to think he copes with it well (whether or not this is true is up to ur interpretation lmao)

he is shameless though. hes known he was bisexual ever since the first time he felt attraction to other people, and hes never been one to hold back on pursuing his wants. just so much flirting with people but also he takes it pretty alright whenever hes turned down, thats fine, he can just find another person to flirt with. by sheer force of Quantity Of People He Hits On he ends up having a LOOOOOTTT OF FLINGS.

i hc that every single "friend from college" of his that appears in the story in current canon is somebody who explored his body.

he IS disaster bisexual tho at key moments and key crushes, particularly the crushes he gets when he is REALLY REALLY REALLY into another (as in he very much likes them for who they are) person past aesthetics. when he gets into people in this vein, his shamelessness takes a backseat and he turns not into a bumbling nerd but like. HES KINDA LIKE "I HATE THIS, WHY DID U DO THIS TO ME, IM ATTRACTED TO U NOW SO U HAVE TO DIE"

no chill on this dude

those are my takes!! thank u again for this fun ask :D

[kanmom51]

Hlo I hope u have seen jm saudi Arabia vlive right. There was clearly someone with jm throughout the vlive. And it was a male. First time we hear a door knocking jm went there , talked something, door closed n he continued vlive. Said it was manager , most probably its manager. Then we hear the door inside the room , someone came n jm having a smirk checks out the person with a cheeky smile n told it was manager. But I don't think so. Manager came n left earlier. Then we can hear someone opening somethings , maybe fridge behind. N viewrs asked jm who is in the room. He told no one n he is alone. After taking few min , shows us the room. Then he went to bedroom , continued vlive n towards end while he is saying ending comments on army celebrating his bday we see him looking at someone or something behind. We can hear voice of something in back. He looked there few seconds smiling n there comes n male voice saying 'oho'. N 101% it was not jm made that voice. He made some expression with his brows n lips like nothing happened. Continued the vlive n ended. Who was that person, I don't think manager came back and is roaming around his room n bedroom. And is making jimin to smirk at him.if it was manager then why jm told he is alone when asked. Was it JK, not sure but probably ys , considering how many times they have been in each other's room n didn't appeared on screen. I know u don't like analysis but this is short n we can hear the voice from behind. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8Hn-Zv0jByA&t=2s . I've also watched the original vlive and heared the same.

Ok anon, so here comes my take on Jimin's Saudi Arabia Vlive from 12 October 2019, and remember, you asked for it. Lol.

I just sat myself down and re-watched it, god it's long.

Do I think there is someone in the room? End answer is YES!

Do I think it's JK? I certainly think it is JK.

Unlike the 2016 lives, where I was weary to assume in both lives that it was JM or JM hidden in the rooms, here I am way more confident to say that the person is indeed JK. O

Things I noticed in this Vlive:

Jimin talking about the concert – the only member he talks about is JK -he’s the one he looked at seeing him have a good time (he demonstrates JK's moves several times) , making him relax and enjoy – JK's the one on his mind, the one he turns to look for.

JM shares what he did during their time off. He talks about his trip to Paris and this is the live where he tells the story of flying back to Seoul for JKs birthday only to fly out to Hawaii the next morning.

Someone comes in – there is a conversation, you can hear them say he needs to eat breakfast and more, JM giggling. The voice is unrecognizable.

JM comes back to camera says it was "our manager". This is important to me. He says "our manager" at this point, while later on, he refers to the person in the room as "my manager".

JM continues to talk about his vacation, talks about going to Russia and how his friend likes to take photos. Around 31:48 min. mark he says he told his friend: “I want to be your model” – and looks to his left with a smirk on his face, then turns back to the camera and giggles. Ahm, let’s think for a minute, where else did we hear this before? Who did we hear him ask if he was his model? Is that person actually in the room with JM?

41 min. mark, slightly before that JM looks sideways again, and then a couple of seconds later you can see behind him there is a reflection on the kitchen counter top, and you can see movement, like a shadow passing by. I have watched this several times to make sure it's not JM's movements that cause that movement in the reflection. As far as I can see it's not a reflection of JM's movements. It's too fast and moving from one side to the other. It looks like someone moving across and behind the camera.

Maybe that’s why he brings the camera closer, and once in a while you can see his eyes moving ever so slightly to look to the right, or right and up slightly, smirking ever so lightly. He's gotten better at this since the Tokyo live debacle.

When singing promise and raising pinky, looks slightly to upper right (behind camera)?

At this point he moves the camera angle and we can't see reflection on the kitchen counter anymore , so if whoever was there moved from behind the camera back into the room we can't see it. I don't think he's aware of it or did it on purpose, maybe he moved the camera because that person was moving back into the room and he wanted to make sure they weren't seen on camera. Idk. But following comes this:

52.30 min. approx. is the moment EVERYBODY talks about.

There is a noise, like a thud, JM turns the camera to the right, so we can see even less of the room. He then turns to his left, first time only to look , second time actually checking out whoever it was top to bottom big grin on his face, turns back to camera giggling, but he couldn't help himself, and turns to look a third time, looking back at us, grin on face and saying: “it’s my manager” and repeats it several times. Yeah JM, your 'manager'. Right. Do you usually check out your manager like that? Sexual harassment law suit now in progress (not).

You know what? It probably was 'his manager'. Same 'manager' that Tae took his cup of noodles in the Tokyo Vlive.

JM goes on with the live, but you can still hear noises in the room once in a while.

At 1:04:54 JM is asked if there is someone in the room (I mean, with all the noises going on). He gets up walks away for a few seconds, we can hear him saying something, then noises, more talking, coughing, and then comes back saying there’s really nothing to see in the room, and takes the camera to show the room…

He walks from the lounge area to the bed room, not really turning the camera around to see beyond the clear path from room to room. Real Tokyo live going on here.

JM tells us he will end the live soon, eat something and go workout with JK (this is him repeating saying he was supposed to go work out with JK earlier in the live).

Around 1:14:00 JM starts to talk about the how they surprised him for his birthday during the concert and how much it meant to him and thanks for it, looking at the camera but also seems like he's looking beyond the camera.

JM says his thanks, smiles, looking slightly to his right, and then you hear "a-ha". It's does not look or sound like JM saying it.

Last few minutes JM sits on bed and keeps looking to his left, towards the bedroom door, it feels like someone is standing there, perhaps signalling him “enough”. He also smiles at some point while looking there.

Before ending the live, he gets up off bed, closes bedroom door (maybe so whoever is out there will not show up on camera), walking around the room and finally ending the live.

Was someone in the suite with JM during the live? The way I see it, for at least part of the live there was someone there off camera. The noises, the reflection, JM changing the camera angle a second before 'his manager' made noise and he checked him out. JM's behaviour before getting up with the camera to 'show the room'.

Was it JK? I personally think it was. Beyond this being 2019 and clearly those two are together (if in 2016 some may have had doubts), the way JM was checking out his 'manager' (usage of this reference brought me back to the Tokyo live and him using it there too); him changing from "our manager" with the first interruption (probably the actual manager) to "my manager" whom he checked out from top to bottom; him talking about the Russia trip and asking to be his friend's model, turning to look sideways (at someone) and laughing (let's think for one moment, who did he ask in the past to be his model????); it felt like JM was thanking whoever it was there with him for the birthday surprise. If you watch the Bangtan bomb you will see that even there JM talks about how excited he was, but yet again mentions how happy JK was and how it made him even happier...

The one thing I am still on the fence about is the "a-ha". It's definitely there. Who says it???? I've seen this several times, I really don't think it's JM making that sound, but I am not 100% sure with this, so I'll leave this one up to you.

[sophielovesbooks]

Mid Year Book Freakout Tag!

I’m a bit late to this party… but I wrote this a few days ago when I wasn’t feeling 100% after getting my second Covid vaccine and took the entire day off. So I finally had the time to write this :)

Let me pull up my Goodreads real quick and have a look at the 33 books I have so far this year.

1. The Best Book of the Year So Far

Hmm, let’s see. I feel like it’s fair to give two answers to this one, because on the one hand, there is the book that qualifies as “the best” from a literary perspective (at least in my opinion) and that would be CONVERSATIONS WITH FRIENDS by Sally Rooney. Definitely had its own style and felt… infused with a deeper meaning, at least to me. It was also very compelling. Personally, I couldn’t stop reading it. And I feel like it had a lot to say about modern-day relationships (romantic, platonic… all kinds really).

Then, there is the book that I personally enjoyed this most, and that was probably THE GIRLS ARE ALL SO NICE HERE by Laurie Elisabeth Flynn. It kind of felt like your standard thriller, but also not. While it was super suspenseful and fun to read, I also genuinely cared about the characters and loved the portrayal of toxic teen girls’ friendships and generally teenage cruelty in the context of wanting to be cool/to fit in. It made me reflect on a lot of things, so to me, it’s definitely more than a thriller that you forget right after reading it. And it also definitely qualifies as dark academia, and discovering a new DA book I love is always great! <3

2. Best Sequel of the Year So Far

Wow, I am NOT big on sequels. I have only read one this year, which is just further proof that I’m not very into book series and much prefer standalones. The only sequel I have read this year was also a very good one, though: MISTER IMPOSSIBLE by Maggie Stiefvater. Much anticipated by me and thankfully, I had a great time with it. :)

3. A New Release You Haven’t Read Yet But Want To

I’m going to go with MALIBU RISING by Taylor Jenkins Read! I was gifted this book by my boyfriend’s grandma for my birthday on June 29 (so sweet!) and I think I will read it next. I am very excited for this one!

4. Most Anticipated Release for Autumn/Winter

Two books I am VERY excited for are A LESSON IN VENGEANCE by Victoria Lee and IN MY DREAMS I HOLD A KNIFE by Ashley Winstead. I’m not even really sure why. I don’t know that much about either of them yet. But they just call to me, just like The Girls Are All So Nice Here did. And that one didn’t disappoint, so hopefully these two won’t either.

5. Your Biggest Disappointment of the Year So Far

Maybe THE GUEST LIST by Lucy Foley? I mean, it wasn’t awful. But I remember that I wasn’t impressed and had been expecting more somehow. Objectively the worst book I read this year would have to be THE SHARP EDGE OF A SNOWFLAKE by Sif Sigmarsdóttir, lol. But that one doesn’t count as the biggest disappointment, because I didn’t go in expecting that much. It was just an ebook that I bought for a low price at one point.

6. Your Biggest Surprise of the Year So Far

Definitely THE GIRLS I’VE BEEN by Tess Sharpe. I did not expect a YA thriller to be as intense and emotional and fun and just plain well-written as it was! Biggest positive surprise of the year so far, I think. :) I felt similarly surprised by  A GOOD GIRL’S GUIDE TO MURDER by Holly Jackson. Another YA thriller (or mystery, I guess?) that was so much better than I had expected! 

7. New Favourite Author

I’m going to have to say THE MOTHER by Tess Stimson. I was expecting it to be a semi-fun thriller without much depth to it, just easy entertainment, I suppose. I was extremely surprised by the emotional depth I encountered. The death at the heart of this story is that of an infant, but I was expecting the book to sort of gloss over how tragic that actually is. Instead, it leaned into the grief so much, I found myself absolutely shook? The book almost moved me to tears several times. The mystery was so intense, I kept guessing and guessing. At one point quite early on, I had the solution, but the author masterfully misdirected me from that again, so that the twist at the end came as the biggest shock! Yeah, I loved this so much more than I had ever expected! Well done, Tess Stimson!

8. Your Newest Favourite Character

I haven’t absolutely fallen in love with any new characters this year, but three that stand out to me (in the order I encountered them this year) are:

1) Pippa Fitz-Amobi from A GOOD GIRL’S GUIDE TO MURDER by Holly Jackson

2) Katrina Hawkins from THE STARLESS SEA by Erin Morgenstern

3) Nora O’Malley from THE GIRLS I’VE BEEN by Tess Sharpe

9. Your Newest Fictional Crush

Umm… absolutely nothing comes to mind lmfao. Fictional crushes have become so rare for me!

10. A Book that Has Made You Cry

THE MOTHER almost made me cry, I think. Not sure if there were actual tears. CONVERSATIONS WITH FRIENDS and NORMAL PEOPLE both (almost) moved me to tears several times. But I didn’t have any break-downs over books this year. At least not yet.

EDIT: Omg, omg, omg, I forgot A LITTLE LIFE! How the f did I forget about A LITTLE LIFE?! I broke down over this book several times. It was awful. Never before has a book made me suffer so much. I mean that. I didn’t just cry, the book also made me feel physically ill several times. Very well written, yes, but not one I can recommend in good conscience. This is not one of those instances of “You’ll cry, but you’ll love crying”, at least not for me. This is something I perhaps should have not put myself through. Because the experience overall was painful, first and foremost. Stay safe, kids. This one is… a lot.

11. A Book That Has Made You Happy

This is so sad to say, but none of the books I read this year gave me that warm, glowy feeling of pure comfort and happiness you get from books sometimes? Some passages of THE STARLESS SEA came the closest, I would say.

12. The Most Beautiful Book of the Year So Far

Again, I need to mention THE STARLESS SEA with the beautiful prose and imagery! <3 Also A LITTLE LIFE maybe? Beautifully written at times. Absolutely heart- and gut-wrenching at others.

13. Some Books You Need to Read Before 2021 Ends

Hahaha… so many. But I’ll pick out a few that I will likely finish until the year is over: MALIBU RISING, AN OCEAN OF MINUTES by Thea Lim (birthday present by a close friend! <3), THESE VIOLENT DELIGHTS by Micah Nemerever (birthday present my dad gave me! <3) and THEY NEVER LEARN by Layne Fargo (bday present my godmother gave me! <3). You see, I am much more committed to reading books that were given to me rather than books I bought myself. So these have good chances of being finished in 2021. :)

14. Tag Two of Your Favourite Community Members

@books-and-cookies Have you answered these questions yet? And @augustinianseptember? Would REALLY love to read both of your answers! <3<3

[marvxlousqueen]

So Fucking Sore- Bucky x Loki x Reader

i have returned from the dead to deliver this smut for my friend’s birthday LMAOO anyways for this let’s just pretend tony killed thanos in endgame and brought back nat and gamora and nobody died haha yes anyways bucky is a simp in this tbh (and i’ve never written for loki so forgive me if it’s bad LMAOO)

anyways happy bday bestie (don’t wanna expose ur name on here lol) love u <3

word count: 3.5k

The Avengers compound was more full than it had ever been. Finally, every floor was filled, every guest room taken, some sleeping bags even rolled onto the floor. Tony hadn’t planned to host the entirety of the avengers force, some odd one thousand people. After defeating Thanos and fixing the time lines, Tony felt as though they deserved a break and a celebration. Although most people were still recovering and wouldn’t stay for long at the party, he figured laughter is the best medicine- that, and he always loved an occasion to show off his hosting skills. 

Tony’s invitation even extended to the staff at the compound, which is how (Y/n) found herself holding a rsvp letter, trying to decide which box to check off. 

“Yes [   ]  (+1)   No [    ]”

She fumbled with the letter, pen getting heavy in her hand. She was seated in her office, taking her lunch break in between helping some of the injured Wakandan soldiers. Being an on-site nurse, of course she had had encounters with the team, but nothing like this party would be. 

Would it be embarrassing if I didn’t have a plus one, she thought

She was interrupted by a knock at her door. “Come in,” she said without looking up. 

The door slowly opened and Bucky entered, small smile on his face. 

“Hey.. just figured I’d bring you some snacks. Figure you must be real busy in the infirmary.”

He set a plate of strawberries on the table with a bottle of water, metal arm extending towards her. (Y/n) could briefly see her reflection in the shine of the vibranium. She lost herself for a moment, examining his arm.

“(Y/n)?” 

“What- oh yeah! Super busy. Thanks, Buck,” she gave him a smile, cheeks burning.

They had always had some sort of chemistry, but she just couldn’t quite get a read on it enough to make a move. Ever since reconnecting with Steve, Bucky had gotten back into his old ways. Still a giant flirt, just maybe a little more shy than in the 40s. He loved to toss some pick up lines around whenever he wound up in the infirmary (which was a little too often), so (Y/n) couldn’t figure out if he really liked her or was flirty with everyone. 

“What’s that you got there?” He motioned to the rsvp letter on her desk, still unanswered.

“Oh, invitation to Tony’s party thing this weekend. Think he’s trying to get a head count for seats and food. Don’t think I’m going to go, though.”

Bucky pulled up a chair to her desk, “Why wouldn’t you go? You should be celebrating too, I mean- half of us wouldn’t be in this good of a condition without your healing hands.”

His lips pulled into a smirk as he saw her smile shyly. He loved how we could always make her melt at the slightest compliement.

“I think it might be a little embarrassing to show up without a plus one.. I don’t know, it’s probably stupid, but it seems like everyone has someone, you know?”

(Y/n) shrugged, not sure how else to explain her thoughts.

Bucky nodded, running a hand through his hair, “So- what, you’re waiting for someone to ask you?” 

“I- No, but it would be nice, I guess.”

Bucky felt his face heat up. Here’s my chance, he thought. A chance to get some real action because I’ve been out of it for too fucking long. 

(Y/n) looked up at him, waiting for a response. When nothing came, she pushed through her nerves. “You don’t have a date, do you?”

His eyes snapped up to hers, wide with worry. “I-uh-no. D-don’t need one. Just a party, you know? Kinda stupid to get a date for a party like this.”

“Oh- yeah, totally,” (Y/n) stumbled over her words, facing burning with embarrassment. Did he call me stupid? Well, I guess that answers my questions- he is definitely NOT into me. 

 Bucky almost slapped himself after seeing the way (Y/n)’s face dropped. THAT CAME OUT WRONG THAT CAME OUT WRONG THAT CAME OUT WRONG!! He meant to come off as relaxed and nonchalant like he used to be, but instead he sounded like a dick. 

Before he could get an apology out, another knock was heard from her office door. “C-come in!”

Steve opened the door, “Hey- oh hey buck,” Bucky awkwardly waved at him, still busy screaming at himself, “anyways, (Y/n)- Thor’s got friends on the way and apparently they got a little scuffed up on the way from Norway, so you think you can head in and check on em?” 

“Yes! Totally! Uh- bye Bucky, I-I’ll see you.” She jumped out of her seat and rushed off down the hall, happy to get away from this tension with Bucky.

Steve watched her speed off down the hall before turning back to his old friend. “So.. how’s that going?”

Bucky sighed, “It’s not going at all. I think I accidently called her dumb? I don’t know- I kinda blacked out for a minute there.”

Steve patted him on the shoulder, “You’ll be fine. You got plenty of time to fix anything and make your move when you’re ready, all right?”

He understood how his friend was having some difficulties. While he was far more stable then he used to be, Bucky still had his moments and was working through them. Steve couldn’t be prouder. 

“I guess you’re right. As long as no other guy tries to scoop her up.”

--

(Y/n) entered the infirmary, breathing hard from the speed walk she took to escape that awkwardness. Laying on two of the beds was a tall man with long black hair and some sort of creature with knives attached to it’s hands. 

“(Y/n)! My friends require your services!” Thor shouts, embracing her in a hug.

She laughs as he squeezes her tightly, “Of course! Now let me go so I can help-”

The man who was reclining on the first bed sat up, eyebrows raised. “You’re a healer?”

She looked towards him, noting his accent was similar to Thor’s, “Well- no. Not a healer, just a nurse, but I’ll do my best. With all this new tech it’ll be real easy to batch you up. What happened?”

Thor spoke up, “My dear friend here,” he motioned toward the creature with the blades for hands, “Miek- got into a argument with my dear brother and knives were thrown. Just minor stab wounds of course, but it would be nice for them to be healed before Stark’s feast.”

“Your brother?” She looked towards the man with black hair, who offered a smile. “You’re Loki?” 

“The trickster god indeed.”

Her face heated up, partially in fear and partially in awe. Before her was the man who constantly tried to rule Earth. “Are you-,” she turned to Thor, “is he allowed to be here?”

“Of course! He aided me in our fight against Thanos. He stands as an avenger now.” 

Loki rolled his eyes and began to spin a small knife he pulled from his boot.  (Y/n) nodded, still registering everything, “Well, uh , okay then. Where’s the stab wound?” 

Loki moved to lift his shirt. On his left side was a gash still dripping blood. (Y/n) took a deep breathe, forcing herself to focus on his wound and not the outline of his abs and the way sweat was dripping down.

“Oh- jesus christ, okay. Let me get some stuff.”

The creature on the other bed made a noise and (Y/n) realized he was injured too, a small blade sticking out of his leg. 

“Okay, I’ll be right back.” She ran to the other side to grab materials and begin patching them up. The process went like a blur. All she could feel was the way Loki’s body felt warm against hers, not like the cold she was expecting from his being a dark elf. His hand brushed against hers as he admired her handy work, eyes moving from her face to her form. Finally she was done and seated back in her office, yelling at herself for being so horny today for no goddamn reason. 

As she took a seat once again, she noticed the still blank rsvp card.

God-fucking-damn it

She still had a decision to make. As she went to check the “No [   ]” box, her door opened. Loki walked in and quickly made himself comfortable, sitting across from her. 

“I wish to thank you for the help.”

(Y/n) nodded, eyes wide, “Of course, yeah, anyth-”

“I also wish to invite you to Stark’s feast.”

She froze, mouth slightly open. I don’t even know this dude! And he’s killed a shit ton of people..

“Uh, well,” oh fuck it, “I would love that. Thanks.”

He smiled, “I’ll see you then, (Y/n).”

He left and closed the door behind him. She rushed to fill out the card and went to find Tony. Knowing him, he’d probably be down in his lab playing robots with Morgan. (Y/n) hopped in the elevator and headed towards the basement above the parking garage. It stopped around 3 floors down and the sign flashed “gym.” The doors opened and Bucky entered, sweaty from trying to workout and get rid of all these new feelings he’s having. He didn’t look up from his phone until the doors closed behind him. 

His eyes landed on hers, “O-oh hey! Hi.”

(Y/n) gave him a wave and looked down at her letter, rolling it up in her hands.

“You going to the party?”

“Yep.”

“That’s good! Really good! Because you really don’t need a date for stuff like this, we’re all friends, right?” Bucky was desperately trying to make up for what he had said earlier. 

“I have a date actually.”

His eyes widened, “What? Who?”

She turned and shrugged, “Just some guy I met, don’t think you would know him.”

A light went off in his head- she’s trying to make me jealous, isn’t she! She doesn’t have a date! She just wants me to make my move!

Bucky laughed and gave her a smirk, “You don’t have to lie to impress me, doll.”

She whipped around, “Excuse me? You don’t think I can get a date?”

His cheeks turned bright red, “W-what? No, you’re just trying to make me jealous.. right?”

Her jaw dropped, “You are so full of it.” 

The elevator dinged and (Y/n) exited into the basement, leaving Bucky’s head full of questions.

Did I just fuck up again, he thought. 

The next few days past fairly quickly. (Y/n) spent her time in the medical bay once again, dealing with minor injuries and organizing the first aid kits. The few highlights she did have was a quick lunch with Loki, which seemed very abnormal for him. He showed up in her office with, as he called it, “Midgardian Trash,” which was just a plate of different snack foods that Clint had recommended. They ate in a comfortable silence, sharing a few thoughts here and there, until he took his que to leave. (Y/n) walked him to the door and was surprised when he pressed a kiss to her cheek, making her face heat up.

“See you tomorrow, dear (Y/n).”

She stumbled out a response, making him laugh at her speechlessness. After work she rushed to prepare herself for Saturday night.

--

It was probably the biggest party upstate New York had ever seen. Completely catered, a professional band, everyone dressed up in their finest clothing. (Y/n) would’ve felt completely out of place if it wasn’t for Loki’s arm wrapped around her waist as they entered. He was dressed in a black suit with a dark green tie, constantly repping his main color. Time flew as they spun on the dance floor and drank a little too much, although alcohol didn’t seem to have much effect on him. Loki excused himself to the restroom as (Y/n) downed a glass of water to sober up. She felt someone sit next to her at the bar.

“Look, I’m not interested-”

“Are you crazy? Like- do you genuinely have a death wish?”

She looked beside her and was face to face with Bucky. It felt weird to see him so dressed up. She was used to the sweats and t-shirts, but she had to admit that he cleaned up nice. 

“What are you talking about?”

He glared at her, “Loki? Your date is LOKI. Steve filled me in, I know everything. He’s killed people, (Y/n)! A lot of them!”

“So have you.”

“I-” His voice faltered. “That’s different, you know it is. I’m just worried about you, that’s all.”

“Well don’t be. He’s actually a pretty good guy. And here he comes now.”

Loki appeared, tapping Bucky on the shoulder, “can I help you?”

“We were just talking.”

He laughed, “seems you would rather do much more than that.”

(Y/n)’s brows furrowed, ‘What does that mean?”

Bucky’s face turned red, “nothing! I guess I’ll leave you two alone now.” 

“Nonsense,” Loki pushed him back into the chair. “Tell the woman what you think of her. Perhaps it could work out for you, or for us both.”

“What!?”

(Y/n) was confused again, “What the fuck are you guys talking about?”

Loki looked her up and down, “don’t be a fool. He fancies you, as do I. I propose an agreement-”

“wait what,” she looked at Bucky, “you like me? Like- more than a friend?”

He looked down at the table, confused and frustrated about his feelings and about how this alien douchebag was making fun of him. He swallowed the lump in his throat and spoke up.

“Listen asshole-”

Loki rolled his eyes, “do you wish to mount the lady or no?”

(Y/n) choked on her water, “what the fuck-”

Bucky’s eyes felt like they would fall out of his head, but he responded instinctively, “yes, god yes.”

Butterflies went off in (Y/n)’s stomach, eyes locked onto Bucky’s face.

“Great. So do I. So we shall share her then? Tonight? What do you think?” 

Loki turned to (Y/n), who was in shock.

“I-what?”

“Tonight, the two of us, yes? In your chambers, perhaps.”

“I-uh, okay.”

Bucky licked his lips, “Okay?”

“Yes, I mean-fuck, why not. You are both.. wow.”

Loki laughed, “Great, but truly shocking how blind you mortals are to each other.” 

The three of them sat in a weird tension at the bar while waiting for Tony to give his toast. After about 10 minutes of emotional rambling, Tony finally raised his glass to the Avengers. (Y/n) downed her drink and looked to the two men sitting beside her. Locking eyes, they shared a common thought and all excused themselves one by one. They found their way into (Y/n)’s bedroom, where she made herself at home by throwing off the heels she had been wearing all night. 

“So-uh-”

Bucky cut off her rambling with a hot, open mouthed kiss pressed to her lips. His hands trailed down her sides and grabbed her ass. He pulled away, breathing hard. ���You have no idea, how long I’ve wanted to do that.” 

He suddenly felt far more confident and began to strip off his suit, starting with the tie that had been choking him all night. Loki threw off his coat and pushed (Y/n) onto her bed. 

“I want you to kneel.” 

She stood up on her knees, face flushed, waiting for his next move. He slowly undid his pants and pulled out his cock. 

Well, yeah, he’s definitely packing

(Y/n) pressed a kiss to the tip before licking her way from the bottom back to the top. She took a deep breath and took him in her mouth as far as she could. Loki began to thrust, gripping her hair and pushing her forward, using her mouth as a fucktoy. (Y/n) opened her eyes to look up at him and noticed Bucky on the side, hand in his pants, eyes zeroed in on her mouth. She motioned for Bucky to strip, making him drop his pants and boxers, leaving him now completely exposed. His hand continued to pump his length, whimpers leaving his mouth. Loki noticed (Y/n)’s eye’s on Bucky and pulled away from her, leaving spit and precum dripping down her mouth.

“Take her.”

Bucky’s face flushed, embarrassed to be doing exactly what some other dude told him to. He walked towards the bed, cock standing proudly. 

“Is this okay?”

(Y/n) nodded yes, grabbing him by the shoulders and pulling him onto the bed with her. With Bucky underneath her, she lined up with his dick and sunk down onto it.

“Fuck! Jesus-fuck-”

(Y/n) couldn’t think for a moment, too distracted by how much he was stretching her. Bucky’s head was thrown up and his grip on her thighs tightened. He lifted his tips and bucked into her, making her gasp again.

Regaining her composure, (Y/n) began to roll her hips. As she rode him, Bucky sat up and his lips found their way to her neck, leaving marks up and down it. From the side of the bed, she could see Loki completely exposed now, hand running up and down his length as he watched them. He smirked as he caught her eye, making it more of a show. 

His hand moved faster before focusing on his tip. (Y/n)’s thoughts were broken from him as Bucky began to paw at her clit, rubbing it just the right way. Her hands went to his hair, pulling him close.

“God, so fucking-shit-so tight-”

Bucky’s voiced was strained, trying not to finish before her, but (Y/n) was making it difficult with how tight she was clamped around him. 

“Fuck-i’m so close, please!”

Bucky started thrusting up into her, “say my name-fuck”

“Bucky! Please!”

He rammed into her with a quick pace, hands groping her ass. (Y/n) a warmth growing in her, squeezing his dick even more. Finally, she reached her peak and exploded around him, dripping her juices down his dick. Bucky quickly flipped them over, putting one of her legs over his shoulder and started to pound into her. (Y/n) choked on her breath, completely overwhelmed from the overstimulation. Bucky’s thrusts began to stutter until he bucked one last time, going deep into her and exploding. He filled her up and slowly pulled out, seeing his cum dripping out of her.

“Holy shit.”

(Y/n) laughed, trying to catch her breath, “thanks, you too.”

“Quite the show, indeed.”

(Y/n) had almost forgot there was a whole other dude waiting to fuck her. Looking over, Loki’s cock was still standing tall, the tip burning red. 

He stood up and made his way to the bed, “On your hands and knees.”

His command made butterflies form in her stomach. (Y/n) turned over and got on her hands and knees. Loki entered her without warning, making her scream out in surprise. His hand came to her head, pushing her into the mattress. His pace picked up as he slammed into her.

“Jesus-fucking-god!”

Loki laughed through his heavy breathing, literally fucking her into the mattress.

“Let’s get something in that mouth, yes? Barnes-”

Bucky’s eyes moved from watching where Loki was connecting with (Y/n) to her mouth. “Sure-yeah, fuck yes.”

Bucky was thankful for his super soldier qualities because he was already up for round two. He got on the bed, dick facing (Y/n)’s mouth. She got back on her hands and kissed his tip before he pushed in. Bucky let (Y/n) control the pace although most times she was pushed on his dick by Loki’s hard thrusts. (Y/n) lost track of time as she getting literally fucking railed. Loki’s thrusts began to speed up and sweat was dripping down his godly body. 

(Y/n) felt the coil in her stomach tighten again, warmth spreading through out her, she was close, moaning around Bucky’s length. He pulled out of her mouth and began to jerk off, enjoying the show Loki and her were putting on. 

(Y/n) screamed as she reached her climax for the second time that night, eyes rolling to the back of her head, but Loki didn’t slow. He continued until one finally thrust, he pulled out and spilled onto her back, throwing his head back.

The noises (Y/n) was making made Bucky cum into his own hand before collapsing on the bed. 

(Y/n) dropped onto the bed, legs shaking. “Jesus- fuck.”

Bucky put a hand to her cheek, “you okay? We didn’t hurt you, did we?”

She shook her head, “No, just-fuck- I’m gonna be so fucking sore.”

[imnotasuperhero]

As the feeling grows, she breathes flesh to my bones

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Type: Fluff

Summary: Wanda has never thought she’d reveal her identity. She was sure she’d be able to keep it a secret for the rest of your life. But just because she was holy, it didn’t mean you wouldn’t pick up on her lies.

Or, an angel!wanda fic you didn’t know you needed..

Wordcount: 1191

A/N: It’s been weeks months since I first had the idea of giving my baby Wanda a pair of wings.. but I never had the courage to do so, until now. This is my input for @burninmatches ‘s writing challenge. Which leads me to wish you a happy bday and all the love and good in life, bby! Thanks for the oportunity to make this a reality. Here’s hoping this isn’t my downfall and you all enjoy another weird idea of mine, lol.

Also, a huge thanks to @marvelfansince08love for the encouragement and support during my meltdown about this monster. You’re a real treasure, boo! Ily bby.

Find the Moodboard here!

"Cookies? Are you bribing me with cookies?" You looked at her incredulously. 

Wanda almost retorted but she appreciated her life too much, so she brought the cookie -the same she's just offered you- to her mouth to keep the words from escaping her.

"I'm just saying," she continued once she swallowed. "There's no reason to go all Sherlock Holmes about it, baby. I told you plenty of times I've got the scars from an accident."

"Don't baby me, Wanda. Stop lying to me and tell me the truth once and for all."

Wanda could feel the baby hairs of her neck standing at the hard attitude you sported and she had to breathe deeply to keep her secret appendages hidden. No matter how tingly her shoulder blades felt, you couldn't see her true nature. Not now, not ever.

Walking towards the brunette standing right in front of you, you made sure your steps didn't falter.  You needed to stand as still as possible.

"I- I can't," Wanda looked everywhere but you.

"Why not?" You pressed. "Why can't you trust me? I thought we had-"

"It's not about trust! This isn't something we can discuss lightly, Y/N. This is some next-level shit that you're not ready for." For a moment, you saw Wanda's eyes flicker with something you couldn't pinpoint, and boy, did you felt menaced. But then again, she's saved you from a thousand situations before and you knew she was incapable of hurting you.

"How do you know that? Do you really think I'm gonna run away? For fuck's sake, Wanda, we have weirder things happening around." You finally closed the distance that separated you both. "Show me."

Wanda's eyes opened wide as your words sank in.

"Wanda," you took her hands in yours after seeing the fear in her green orbs. "I want- need to see them," you brought her hands to your mouth, kissing her knuckles softly, silently apologizing when she hissed. You made a mental note to change her bandages later.

"Are- are you sure?" The doubt in her voice made your heart squeeze. How could she ever think you'd stop loving her?

"Please," you begged.

Whatever you expected the moment to be, it was nothing compared to what happened. You were too dumbstruck to even try to find words.

One moment -human- Wanda was standing in front of you with her forest green locked with yours and the next, the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen appeared out of the blue. The biggest, whitest pair of wings encompassing Wanda from behind got you so hypnotized that you couldn't register the single tear running down her cheek. 

Bringing your hand up, you brushed your fingers impossibly softer against the feathers -scared you'd ruin them if you applied even the slightest pressure, so entranced at the moment that you didn't notice the way Wanda tensed under your scrutiny. The brunette almost moaning at the sensations she was feeling.

"They're beautiful," you murmured, scared that if you spoke louder, the spell would fade away.

A few beats of silence passed by before you managed to take your eyes off the wings to look at Wanda. And oh boy, what you saw shattered your heart and glued the pieces back together. "You are beautiful." You cupped her cheeks drying the tears away, smiling at Wanda's broken laugh.

Wanda could feel her heart wanting to jump out of her chest, her ribcages doing nothing to stop it from growing at the pure utter love she saw in your eyes. The adoration you spoke those words with was enough to make her want to punch herself for always escaping your interrogations. How dare she doubt your love?

"I love you," she vowed the only words she could muster, leaning against your touch. 

Instead of replying, you kissed her in that way she could feel her toes curling and her blood running in her ears. It was always like this with you.

"Ow!" you tried to part away when something hit the top of your head but quickly wrapped yourself around Wanda. "WHERE'S THE FLOOR!" 

Wanda seemed to come back from her reverie at your scream, a sheepish smile on her face as she slowly settled down back to ground level. "I'm sorry,"

"Did we just... did you- Oh, my God!" The realization hit you at the time you let out a burst of strenuous laughter. Your stomach still feeling weird after the descend.

You felt the arms around you tightening its hold and Wanda's face moving to the crook of your neck. Kissing the exposed skin there.

"Thank you," you made sure she could feel the love and support in your words. And did she felt it if the squeeze on your waist was indicator enough.

"I'm sorry," you smiled when you touched a certain area of the right wing, making her squirm with a laugh.

"It just tickles," she mumbled against your neck, eliciting a giddy giggle when she wiggled her wings. You swore you'd never get enough of them.

And not that you complained about it. If nothing, the wings added something to her that made you fall in love all over again.

As the moments passed, you felt her sobbing against your skin, her hold never flaking. It was as if she needed this contact. 

"What's wrong?" You cooed and saw how her wings surrounded you both as if she wanted to seclude this moment of vulnerability. Just the two of you.

"I'm just happy," she kissed your cheek so softly, yet so lovingly that got you turning into mush right there. "I'm sorry for hiding this."

"Baby," you cupped her cheeks, locking your eyes together. "I know," you smiled. "I can't even understand what's going through your mind right now, but I want you to know that I'm here. I've always been, and I always will." You kissed her cheek, then her nose, then her lips. 

"Nothing can scare me away, Wan. Not when it comes to you," you vowed and saw in fascination how her green eyes reflected all the love and loyalty she held for you.

"I'll put them back in now," she warned timidly. Her voice shaking from the utter emotions she was feeling.

"Do they hurt?" You asked and she smiled reassuringly at the worry on your voice.

"A little," she shrugged it off. It hasn't been that long since she's pulled them out, anyways.

"Would a cookie make it better?" You smiled that something that got her on cloud nine and she couldn't help but kiss your nose before agreeing to it.

No. Maybe it wasn't ideal. Her falling for a human who was bad news most often than not... but for her, it was enough. The fact you've finally stepped your foot down and didn't run away when her wings we finally revealed to you, told her everything she needed to know. You'll always be her little troublemaker. And she knew you had her heart in your hands the moment she saved you. How couldn't you, if for every step you backed, you made two steps forward just to make her happy?

-----------

Taglist: @sananabdliw @rooskaya-yelena @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @username23345 @natasha-danvers @marvels-writings @aaron-despair

[sumeshi-t]

random 1AM horny thots: the boi's reaction when seeing fem!s/o get a food baby after eating too much lol

characters: oikawa and ushijima (for now; might add a few more later on 😙✌🏻)

aksjdjajh pls enjoy my midnight brain vomit. i know this ain't too good and idk if it's been done before or not but oh well, here it goes 🥵

im shy but ackck im gon tag u @seijoh 🥺 i hope u feel better and sleep well tonite

Oikawa Tooru:

you surprised your bf by going to argentina so you could celebrate his birthday together

you asked help from some of his teammates he's told you about, and they were in on the surprise.

the moment you entered the gym where they trained, he hits a powerful serve, fueled by his excitement after just seeing a glimpse of you from the corner of his eyes. he got a service ace from that, even you were sure it was over 110km/h

then this boy just runs up to you, trapping you in his embrace, your feet off the ground and spinning you around

then comes the cake his teammates got him, someone on the side was actually recording all this. he was already peppering your face with kisses and you two just looked so damn happy even the coach was smiling wtf

so anyway, you guys go out that night and eat

oikawa tells you what food he likes, and what he thinks you were gonna like and he's so spot on like he knows you so well he even brings out the 100% out of your tastebuds—

lol

you were so full from all the food, so full from the love, attention, and affection your boyfriend was showering you that you felt "drunk"

trust me that shit happens. y'know, like food coma? yeah, you ate a lot and it feels like you actually got high on sum dr*gzz

it was time to call it a night, you gave the team some japanese souvenirs as a way of thanking them, not just about tooru's bday, but also because they're taking care of your man really well 🥺

oikawa brings you back to his apartment, apologizes for not having cleaned up and you say you didn't mind because really, it wasn't that dirty or like the jungle-type madness but even then, he goes straight up to at least making the place neat for the two of you so he cleans some of his mess

there was a full body mirror on the far wall, it reflects his bed and him moving about behind you. you were checking yourself out and you ended up chuckling

you put a hand on your low back and another to rub your belly. you were wearing such a body-hugging outfit so the food baby was hella obvious

"look tooru, i'm pregante," you laugh at your own joke and continue to rub your belly

oikawa lichrally stops. and just stares. at your smiling face then down to where your hands were placed.

this boy gulps. why was he feeling so thirsty all of a sudden-?

when you didn't hear him respond, you turn to look at him and he was already making his way toward you.

he wraps his arms around you, hands on your belly. there was no music but you two were swaying to the sound of each other's heartbeats.

without a word, his lips went straight for your neck, nipping and sucking; his hot breath tickling your sensitive skin, hands busy touching you everywhere.

you see him smirk while whispering, "seeing you like that babe, it just makes me want to knock you up so bad,"

next thing you know you were both naked on the bed, facing the mirror

you were on your knees, watching yourselves as your boyfriend took you from behind, your back arched against his chest while his hand gripped on your neck and the other firm against your hickey-filled abdomen; cum was already leaking out of your abused hole you actually lost count how many times the two of you came—

this was a fulfilling kind of feeling full.

and sure enough, you were bringing home with you a different kind of surprise when you went back to japan.

Ushijima Wakatoshi:

it was The Grandma Ushijima's 80th birthday

yeah that lady who wanted to correct your boyfriend's left handedness. she's still alive n kicking

yours and ushijima's schedules were freed up for a few days to help out in the celebration and of course, you stay in the Ushijima ancestral home

yes, ancestral home. tatami mats and all. but high quality ones with silk covers and stuff.

his family didn't mind having you two sleep in the same room; bc ngl they've been wanting a great grandchild.

the sooner the better

like fuck marriage, they want to see results first.

in the three days you spent there, you notice how yours and wakatoshi's tea is different, like is that some kinda ginseng floating around there-? type of different

or how they dug up all of his cute baby pics aww, look at his cute bare bottom

i also hc wakatoshi used to thumbsucc the left thumb it b cute and adorable, you were gushing until whoever was talking to you say that they can't wait to see him have a son or a daughter

anyway, the party soon came along

wakatoshi loved it when he saw you playing with the cousins' children, and how much you just fit in with the family

if he could, he'd have gotten on his knee there to propose, though he didn't have a ring... also, he didn't want to steal the spotlight from his grandma

sometimes he wonders if you were actually a long lost relative

bc also goddamn, your cooking is *chef's kiss* top notch, michelin chef, gordon ramsay approved

and what better way to reward yourself for a job well done is to self-appreciate the craft you yourself created

needless to say, your big appetite got yourself a big food baby after dinner

thus it was now bedtime, children were now asleep, other relatives already back in their own homes

this was the last night you two were staying over

you were lying on your side, face to face with wakatoshi; you were the one mostly doing the talking, jumping from family matters to his volleyball career

then your hand idly rested on your belly, rubbing it, and then you laugh, recalling the encounter you had with some of the Ushijima elders and aunts

"toshi, they really want me to get pregnant so bad. do you think they'll stop pestering me if i show myself like this?" you pat your food baby belly and snicker

his eyes wander towards your belly and he just froze in his spot

the sight of and the prospect of you carrying his child in that body of yours just flipped a switch inside of him. he reaches for your face, eyes now locked with yours. you melt under his big, warm hand, unaware of the brewing storm of emotions your boyfriend was having

"y/n"

"hmm?"

"i think the aunts are right,"

"what...?"

"i... want you to have my child, but... do you?"

which basically translates into "i want to fuck your brains out, may i?"

consent is sexy mhhm

he's so gentle, so careful with his movements, he treats your body like a sacred temple, his every kiss a wordless declaration of worship;

this baby bear was honestly just afraid of breaking you because he knows after that night, wakatoshi jr. will be next who's going to stir up your insides to make space for its growth

you really had to beg him, "more, harder!"

you really had to taunt him, "how are you gonna make me pregnant if you don't go deeper–oh,"

wakatoshi let go of the last string of self-control he had, that your face was pushed against the tatami mat, ass in the air, your hips slapping against each other

you oh-so-tried not to make much noise, but you knew how much wakatoshi loved that

you were sure that anyone who happened to pass by that room was gonna be so embarrassed yet so elated at the huge possibility of having another member to The Ushijima clan

[alligaytorswamp]

im pretty sure god is testing my sanity at this point kjasdhjkashdskjdah

like how on earth within a few days i get two shitty ex-friends to text me after a long period of time of cimplete silence?? HOW

and .. ahahah one of them.. fucking boring. 2 month of Nothing after cutting me off to come back and tell me it’s all my fault. so immature and pathetic, i had to force myself to even make a response to that joke of a message because truly.. it was so very stupid ... but still it definitely did cause some insanity in the past few days. any person would feel quite crazy when someone is so blatanly ignoring the facts and just decides to shift the blame on you for .. well.. hurting you lol. 

the other one... A BULLY-BESTIE.. SOMEONE WHO WAS MY ABUSER BUT ALSO AN ONLY “FRIEND” IN MY CLASS.... SOMEONE I WAS SICK AND SCARED OF AND COULD NOT ESCAPE FOR 12+ YEARS... SHE MESSAGED ME.... and for the context... i hate this girl i mean she was your very basic completely rotten and toxic person who had this spineless sad bitch to boss around (me). i did escape when we gradueated but Fear i had for her never really went away. she got married right out of hs and i did my best not to go to the damn wedding. which was a bit embarassing because she would not let me say no and i was coming up with every excuse possible.. and there i thought ‘oh she must hate  me since i didnt go to her wedding right ?? thats so cool i hope she forgets i exist.’ annnd now it’s been like 3+ years? sure she gave me some scares by congratulating me on my bday once and sending a random ass msg some other time.. but i truly believed this whole trauma of mine is gone and i get to just forget and heal. but nah besties. this cursed person texted me yesterday at like 3 am saying smth along the lines of “i love you and i miss you idk what happened and why we stopped talking but i wanna see you and start talking again <3″ yall cant imagine the insanity i felt

its just so funny... because... well i dont :) i hate your guts and god forbid i ever see you i think i will die on the spot that’s how much i hate and fear you hhh

regardless... i’ve learned my lesson... the toxic morons in your life... they may come back. and unfortunately it’s very likely that they have not gotten any better, they didn’t magically mature or reflect on their actions... and the dead give away of that is .. them not apologizing at all uwu

anyways im gonna go be mentally ill <3

[taeyungie]

hi 🥺🎨

SHIVI ANGEL YES HELLO!!!! ✨ ahhhh i am so excited to do this for you!! your creations are always so stunning and well 😌 i try my best but often i just don't have time to tag my reblogs the way I'd really want to (by tagging i mean screaming KJDJSKS) but BELIEVE ME in my mind i just explode with love and admiration for your stuff every time 😌🥰

okay let's goooooo

THIS ONE....it just had to go first, i couldn't wait to talk about it KSJSKSK so now listen... LISTEN. 🙏 WHERE DO I EVEN START AJSHSJJS when i first saw this literal tears pooled in my eyes because good lord 1. coloring 2. quality 3. framing 4. size 5. all of these together JUST *HEART EYES* you're a genius for this coloring, please. when i was making my own gifs of telepathy i had such issues with adding more color to the skin and surroundings 😭😭 and so like, i'm not joking, i was looking at this gifset for so long and every time i scrolled through my own page i stopped to admire it for a while 😭 jimin looks great here and your edition made him look even more beautiful 😌 the funniest thing is that you made the coloring so pretty that beside jimin, the scooter he's sitting on in the first gif looks so pretty, these whites and reds.... and i was like 😭 wtf i want it?????? 😭😭 LMAO now I'll be ending my essay quickly but once again i wanna say ✨THE QUALITY✨ because truly wow WHOLE THING IS AMAZING

anther GORGEOUS SHOW STOPPING set from mtv unplugged!! as a part of some fellow europeans on my dash, i was up at night and after giffing my own stuff i waited for someone to make ot7 set of fix you and i was THIS close to going to sleep again but then you just *noises of angels stepping from heaven* POSTED THIS SET AAAAA ITS SO AMAZING, IT LOOKS SO GOOD 😭 the coloring is so beautiful and it captures the vibe of the song perfectly, you know 🥺🥺❤️ i love all the beiges and yellows and UHHHH i'm the biggest sucker (oh my god it sounds bad DKAJSJSKSKSKW) for good use of curves adjustment for shades and reflections and this here is just *chiefs kiss*

SHUTUPSKSSJ THIS IS SO FUNNY 😭😭 the way they just chased each other around like it's the most casual thing in the world like jimins face in the second gif when he realized he needs to move was literally "🗿" 😭😭 and please JUNGKOOK AS AN ANNOYING YOUNGER BROTHER THAT HE IS SKSJSJ someone said his love language is slapping butts 😭 and i won't ever stop thinking about it LMAO and the way he just yeeted himself away from jimin on the last gif AKSBSJSJSKSK 😭😭😭😭 okay now moving onto editing stuff OMG CAN I JUST SAY HOW BEAUTIFUL YOUR CAPTIONS HERE ARE?? like idk i'm always scared to use orange filling on captions and here it looks SO DAMN GOOD 😳 and oof coloring is so pretty too, it love how you captured contrast of black and white here it's perfectly balanced 🥰

HOBI'S BDAY POST AAAAAAAA there's so much good stuff in here, i felt like a child getting a bowl of candies when i saw this set 💘🥺 ALL these moments are so amazing and precious, literally cannot point my finger on one that wouldn't fit BECAUSE ALL THESE GIFS ARE SO PRECIOUS 😭 i love how you balanced him being a complete demon on stage, his absolute jaw-dropping looks and then he just 🥺🥺 "dimples" and "playing with the plane" 😭😭😭😭 PLEASE ITS SO GREAT 💓 your coloring is amazing, if this message wouldn't be so long already (which i apologize for SKSJSJ) i would literally write a comment on every single one of those.

okay that's it LOL moral of the story is understandable and known to everyone - YOU'RE A TALENTED QUEEN 😭💘💓 thank you so much for all your work! 🥺

creators send me 🎨 & I’ll tell you my favorite of your last ten creations and why