#fluid-solid interaction

[fuckyeahfluiddynamics]

Mimicking Plant Movement

Many plants control the curvature of their leaves by selectively pumping water into cells that line the outer surface. This swelling triggers bending. Engineers created their own version of this structure. (Image credit: T. Gao et al.; via GoSM) Read the full article

[nutmegtales]

Alive again - part 4

Danny lounged on the cold ground atop a surprisingly well drawn summoning circle. He could feel the strain of it pushing at him like a weighted blanket, it wasn't actually enough to contain him, but it was a pretty solid effort. The occasional cigarette butt littering the floor did detract from the effect a little but he assumed they must have come from the man stood before him who could only be described as scrungly.

The scrungly man cleared his throat, the dogend of a smoke still pinned between his fingers seemingly forgotten for the moment. "Your majesty" oh they knew who he was, Danny briefly considered dressing up for the part and putting on his full ghostly mantle, buuut they'd already seen him now so it didn't really seem worth the effort. "Your scrunglyness" he responded instead enjoying the confused reaction from most of those assembled. At least he could wring some fun out of this summoning.

"we called you here to ask ..." The man was going on about his demands or... Something. Danny wasn't really listening, his attention caught by something far more interesting. A telltale scent he could just catch. He turned away from the talking man and sniffed a few times. Yeah definitely he could smell something. Danny took a deep breath letting his lungs fill with real air for the first time in what seemed like an age.

"ohhhhhhh" he let his breath out slow savouring it and the scent on the air. It came out in a swirl of cold that hung in the air and glittered past the edge of the summoning circle. He pointed past the scrungly man, cutting him off mid sentence, and asked "what do you have there?".

The mans words stumbled to a halt and he hesitated a moment before clearing is throat and admitting "insurance. But we would rather you co-operate freely of course".

Danny's laugh took everyone by surprise, including himself. It started as a little huff of disbelief, then a chuckle, before cascading into a full blown belly aching laugh. He hunched over and leant on his knees letting the laughter tear through him like the sobs he wouldn't let himself indulge in. Ancients it's been so long since he'd laughed, really laughed that is, not the polite ha ha's required to keep things civil in the tedious duties he found himself caught in these days.

When the laughter subsided the air in the room was still and chilly, and not just Phantom chilly either, everyone stood tense and uncertain. Ah well, guess he fumbled this interaction already, might as well keep it up, after all in for a penny in for a pound, in for a pound in for a slaughter and all that.

Danny flowed to his feet in a movement he knew was too fluid for someone with an actual body. He wiped away the ice crystal tears that had formed at his eyes from the laughter, dusted himself off and stepped out of the summoning circle.

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[earenwen-leafwhisper]

"Reject" Part 2 (Smut)

Pairing: Daemon Targaryen x fem wife reader

Summary: Y/n finally put Daemon in her bed.

Warning: Smut. So minors, do not interact with this post.

English is not my native language.

Part 1 : Here

Masterlist : Ø

A little thank you for the like

The solid oak door slammed in a heavy noise. Y/

n had just come in after Daemon. He was standing with a smile on his face.

"So... my dear wife has a tongue."

"I’ll be clear. No more whore. No more infidelity. Even less insults. I’m sick and tired of your behavior."

The voice of Y/n did not leave room for a lament from Daemon. The tone of her voice was different, more assured.

Daemon looked at her in another way barely perceptible, far away was the shy young woman he thought to be his wife.

"Well, what are you gonna do?"

"Undress yourself. Completely."

"If my wife wishes." Daemon smiled curly.

Slowly, Daemon took the bottom of his tunic, lifting the fabric along his torso, under the eyes of Y/n. Daemon’s hair falls in cascade along his back and partly on his chest. The eyes of Y/n ventured on Daemon’s skin, skin she had never seen so much before.

Y/n thinks that she should have ordered Daemon to undress quickly, his slow movements adorning him for an eternity when he finishes removing his shoes, rising up to place his hands on his belt. The sound of the buckle was almost mocking her, when passing each hole in the belt. The worst part was that Daemon knew exactly what he was doing. The lasing of his trousers was not of an unnamed complexity, yet it seemed to be a padlock without key, so that a deformation formed more and more against the lashing.

Y/n tried to keep a calm breath. But how to do when the man in front of you is a beauty, who decides to tease you? It's with a great self-control, that Y/n, didn't jumped on him to rip off his remaining clothes.

In a fluid movement, the pants fell along his legs to his ankles followed by his underwear, releasing his thick, hard manhood, one of two thicker veins ran through his cock from the base to the tips. The tips was not offset, a drop of pre-sperm flowed from the tips.

Y/n unconsciously squeezed her thighs and moved her hips in order to create friction, a heat and wet clenched more and more present between her thighs. Y/n wanted to get close to Daemon, go through her hands along the skin of her husband, finally discover his body, but she knew very well, that first she had to teach him a lesson. A lesson, on how to treat your wife.

With a movement of the head, she pointed him the bed. Y/n watched Daemon move towards the bed, watching him lie down.

"Raise your arms above your head."

The tone of her voice was calm, her anger always present, even if diminished at the sight of Daemon naked form on her bed. Daemon wanted to protest, but raising his arms, as looking at y/n who opened a drawer and pull out leather straps. Surprised would not have been the appropriate adjective to Daemon’s feelings seeing the straps.

"You’re going to be a good husband." Y/n started tying Daemon’s wrists to the head of her bed, avoiding hurting Daemon.

Daemon tested the straps, but quickly understood that these were well attached. He noted mentally that he had to ask how it was that she had thoses. Over all know how to tie them.

Daemon shook his head slightly, before looking in the direction of his wife, who was beginning to undress. His erection was starting to hurt. The anticipation palpable. "Fuck... she is beautiful..."

Daemon growled when Y/n sat on his hips, refusing any contact between his cock and pussy. He pulled his arms but was stuck.

"No, no... first of all, you’re going to prove to me how skillful you are with your tongue."

Y/n slowly pulled up Daemon’s body, even if she didn’t want to show it. She was going to take her pure pleasure from him.

Daemon growled when he saw the pussy of Y/ n, his eyes dilated, he breathed deeply, smelling the sweet smell of his exitation. He pulled on his traps, he wanted to put his hands on her thighs to make her sit against his face, it frustrated him to not to be in control. Feeling the tension rising, Y/n sat gently on Daemon’s face, her husband’s breath made her tremble without being able to control herself, a slight moan coming out of her mouth at the touch of Daemon’s tongue, Y/n held back at the head of the bed, before dropping her hips on Daemon’s face.

Daemon who discovered that his wife was most delightful. He, who had never lowered himself to ear the pussy of one of the prostitutes, discovered the pleasure and taste of his wife and how much he did not wanted to stop. Daemon licked and sucked the big and small lips, collecting the pleasure fluid of Y/n with his tongue, his nose by moment rubbing on the button of pleasure, swollen of Y/n. He pulled on his traps, wanting to grab the thighs of his lover, to stick it more against him.

"D... Daemon!..." Y/n began to move her hips, rubbing openly against his face.

"That’s right, go on." Daemon smiled full teeth before plunging back into the nectar.

Daemon’s erection was at its peak without him or her even touching, it bounced against the belly of Daemon. He wanted terribly to caught Y/n, to turn her and take her with force, to finally feel her sweet pussy enveloping him in its warmth. But more than anything, he wanted to see the pleasure in the face of Y/n. Because now he understood what he had missed.

"I want to feel you in me." The voice of Y/n was filled with desire.

If at any time Daemon would have thought that his wife would give him the impression that his heart was going to explode when he heard her desiring him. He would have thought he was crazy. But the vision of Y/n completely naked, straddling him, her pussy against his cock, moving in a slow up and down. He didn’t care that he was seen as completely crazy about Y/n.

"Release me... let me touch you..."

Y/n seemed hesitant, her hands trembling softly, Daemon’s eyes following the slightest gesture.

He sigh when the traps were untied. Without waiting any longer, he passed his arms around the body of his lover, turning them over, placing his body between her legs. For the first time since their marriage, Daemon kissed her, far away was the little kiss. Daemon embraced Y/n with passion, moving his hands wherever he could, marking every inch of skin. His lips moving with his hands, sucking, marking Y/n finally as his wife.

Their hips moved against each other, creating a friction of the most excise. One of Daemon’s hands walked the side of Y/n’s body, moving to her thigh, where he grabbed the muscle/fat, his grip was going to leave marks the next day, but neither of the two thought about it.

"You’re so wet... so ready for me..."

Daemon placed a finger between the small lips of Y/n, before slowly entering her. Y/n moans softly of discomfort, before the movements of in and out makes her replacing the discomfort by pleasure. Daemon took his time, preparing her pussy for his dick. A second finger was buried in this soft, warm and wet space, where he made a scissor movement.

"Y/n...." Daemon had rumbled her name, feeling her moving her hips against him.

Daemon looked at her, looking in her eyes, her movements.

"D... daemon... please..."

"Patience, love, patience..."

Y/n began to see stars, her legs trembled more and more, her hips were seeking for contact with Daemon’s hand. Her moaning does not end. It is at that moment that she felt it, the point of no return. Her ears whistled as she closed her eyes, the only sound coming from her throat being the name of Daemon.

Daemon looked at her, finding that the woman in his bed was even more beautiful in this moment of pure pleasure. He waited a minute for her to take back her breath, before placing his tips against her entrance.

"I’ll take you now..." his voice was hoarse. "Is that still what you want?..."

Y/n opened his eyes to look at him, really look at him. The man above her, long silver hair, fell on her, Daemon’s chest was covered with sweat, his breath fast, his eyes filled with a desire... a desire never seen before. There was something else in his eyes.

"Yes... I want you..."

Something she saw the first time in Daemon. At the moment their hips were touching, he, being completely inside her. Y/n could see a birth of affection, in his eyes. An affection that she hoped. One day would become love.

------

Ps : Hello, I hope this part 2 was good, thank you for reading so far, I’m sorry for the mistakes in the spelling and grammar that are sneaking like every time. It’s been a long time since I had written smut, I hope it was not a disaster or too "nice" ^-^ '

Tag list : @avalyaaa @immyowndefender

[wordsfrombudha]

The Stages of Pleasure Through the Zodiac

The element most connected to pleasure is air. Air, or Vāyu in Vedic philosophy, is the subtle but all-penetrating tattva that animates desire and stirs the senses. In the ancient Pancha Mahabhuta framework, Vāyu is the principle of movement and diffusion, carrying the first pulse of longing into every cell of the body and every corner of the mind. As the presiding deity of breath and gust, Vāyu features prominently in the Vayu Purana and is celebrated in the Mahanarayana Upanishad as the force that transports sukha, or delight, into form. Where earth grounds us in solidity and sustenance, air lifts us into the realm of anticipation and seduction, igniting the thrill of touch, sound, and word. Its pleasures are not possessions but invitations to chase the next whisper of enchantment, such as the flutter of a lover’s laugh, the echo of a song through an open window, the spark of an idea exchanged in conversation. In the zodiac, the air signs Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius express the energy of Vāyu in different ways, and by studying their qualities more in depth, we can begin to understand what pleasure really means to us as humans.

First, desire is born in Gemini. Mithuna literally means copulation, the primal act that splits the original unity of consciousness into two for the first time, inaugurating the world of longing where none existed before. In Vedic cosmology, this is depicted as the birth of Purusha and Prakriti. Where once there was only seamless oneness, awareness now finds itself mirrored, reflected, and suddenly othered. Gemini is the flashpoint of this awakening, when consciousness first recognizes itself as not-whole and reaches outward in search of reunion. It is the birth of pleasure as tension through the recognition of a gap that beckons to be bridged. In this sense, Gemini contains the first tremor of relational consciousness. It is not just awareness but awareness of being seen, and thus the need to signal and to charm. Mercury rules Gemini not as a moral guide or romantic idealist but as a trickster of form and function. He embodies the heart of duality, where the thrill of touch and the game of suggestion first creates desire. Just as Mercury is the in-between, Gemini is the threshold. It is neither commitment nor renunciation. It is the flirtation, the question of camaraderie or sexual intrigue. It is the sudden realization of separateness and the drive to close the gap through interaction with the world through the senses. In Gemini, longing is light, quick, and utterly alive. It is in the tantalizing "maybe." There is no guarantee of fulfillment here, and that is not a flaw. The pleasure lies in the pattern and rhythm of reaching and retreating and doubling and mirroring itself that keeps the game in motion. Speaking of games, this is where we start wanting to play with the world and our senses. We begin to mimic, to test, to provoke, to question. Pleasure becomes experimentation, and identity becomes fluid, shaped and reshaped by how it is received. This is Mercury’s domain, where charm is currency and cleverness is a form of intimacy. Meaning is not fixed and instead carried through tone, gesture, and timing. What we say is less important than how we say it and what it reveals about the space between us. In this way, we get a kind of play that is probing. It explores possibilities before committing to any of them, asking not just what is wanted but what is possible to want. Gemini begins to flirt not only with people but with ideas, with contradiction, with form itself. It is the child discovering double meanings and laughing at the absurd. The humor here is not cruelty but delight in ambiguity. The face that means two things at once, the sentence that folds over on itself, the law that can be bent just enough to keep it interesting. This is desire learning to speak, learning to impersonate, learning to make an entrance and watch for the effect. At this stage, what we want is not the other itself but the sensation of wanting, of being aware of want, of being seen in our wanting. That is the first layer, the lightest skin of longing, and it is the purely electric impetus that drives the evolution of pleasure.

Then, desire moves to Libra. Libra represents the refinement and stylization of longing through the medium of form. What was once just simple variety of sensation now demands poise. Pleasure is no longer sought in immediacy but in balance, symmetry, and expectation. The senses begin to require composition. Libra introduces discernment into the pursuit of beauty as a precise aesthetic order that pleases the body by satisfying the eye, the ear, and the skin. It is not enough for something to feel good. It must look right, sound right, be in proportion. The social aspect here serves this refinement, offering the reflective surface through which taste is measured and adjusted. Here, interaction is pushed forward by the pursuit of sensual cravings and attachments. The body is no longer satisfied with scattered or fleeting pleasures. Desire becomes selective, drawn to forms that promise a return of satisfaction with elegance and predictability. What once was a game of novelty now yearns for something that can be entered into again and again. There is a hunger for closeness that pleases the senses and the perceived beauty arranged with intention. Attachments form when the senses are continually met with experiences that soothe, entice, and settle into a pleasing orientation. Intimacy becomes physical, even ornamental, built through the slow accumulation of shared pleasures, physical responses, and chosen atmospheres that make the world feel more adorned. One must be seen not just as desirable but as correctly postured and tonally appropriate. The world becomes a stage for calibrated sensation. This is where art is born. The spacing of words, the angle of a glance, the harmony of colors, the complexity of subject all become instruments of physical delight. Libra is where sexual attraction becomes the need to have one's desires fulfilled with intention. It is not enough for desire to simply exist like in gemini. It must be realized through the external world, through other people. And in order to achieve this, we must also give something in return, something equally pleasing to keep the interaction balanced and harmonious. But the harmony of Libra is always temporary. The allure of sex and attraction is magnified by the constant pursuit of more. It is the most rajasic sign in the zodiac, meaning there is always an expectation that the next encounter or experience, will bring a greater satisfaction, a greater alignment of beauty, form, and sensation. Relationships form not merely out of a sense of desire but out of the need for those desires to meet a specific, refined standard. Sexiness and desire take on an ideal, constantly shifting but eternally present, as they are sought in the external world. This ceaseless craving pulls us outward, always searching for something that reflects our ideal, but with the knowledge that it may never fully fulfill it. There is a temporary loss in the pursuit. There is a temporary loss in the pursuit, as the gap between the ideal and reality remains ever-present. Libra’s desire is defined by a constant tension between fleeting satisfaction and the longing for something more that has not been obtained. Each moment of connection sparks a craving for something finer, a desire for beauty and perfection that always seems just out of reach. This is the energy that sparks sensual attachments, yet inevitably leads to detachment, where the pursuit of pleasure becomes both fulfilling and elusive. Even the most intense pleasures eventually give way to a sense of monotony, as the initial passion fades. In any relationship, the passion is bound to wane, and it is not the force of Venus or Libra that will sustain the bond.

Pleasure in Aquarius is sensual but also curious, sourced from the externalization of desires and the products of creativity and invention. These pleasures are connected to the objects we accumulate, the environments we cultivate, and the social interactions that enhance these experiences. Aquarius brings a more abstract form of enjoyment that comes from what is created or achieved collectively. It’s the joy of fitting in and acquiring things that reflect a shared value system. Aquarius is about reaching for more than what the immediate environment can offer. It represents the pleasure that comes from acquiring goods, knowledge, and social experiences that align with our higher ideals, even if these ideals are constructed, temporary, or imaginary. The pleasures found here are no longer tied strictly to immediate sensual satisfaction. They involve a more social sense of gratification beyond compromise. It is the pleasure of acquiring things, be it a new technology, a unique experience, or a concept that appeals to the collective, that satisfies the desire for novelty and progression. It is the pleasure you get from being rich or famous not because of the wealth you have, but from how you get to indulge in whatever you want as a result. Pleasure in Aquarius is found in external validation. It’s not about material wealth or status so much. It is focused on the recognition and acknowledgment of one’s likability within a collective. Aquarius thrives on being seen and validated for its ideas, creations, and contributions. The satisfaction comes from knowing that what you’ve created or shared has meaning to others, that your work has been recognized in a way that affirms your existence in a larger context that is still sensual but now comes in the much more abstract, almost conditioned form of appreciation. It’s the joy of having your thoughts, actions, and creations resonate with others, of feeling that your place in the collective is acknowledged. The pleasure is in what you receive by being rewarded from something bigger than yourself, whether through art, friendships, etc. In art and creation, Aquarius takes pleasure in how the work is received as well as the creation itself. It’s the recognition of the desires and efforts behind the contribution, where the connection formed with others and the acknowledgement of the craft is what’s shared. Pleasure in Aquarius is also where one faces the challenge of letting it all go, as it’s the most indulgent sign. It feeds off the pleasures generated by Gemini and Libra, but it can start to take them too far. The same validation and collective connection that bring pleasure can also tie the individual to external approval, creating a dependency on it. And like I said, it is building off of Gemini and Libra, so there can be a dependency on things like external stimulation or sex in Aquarius. The indulgence in communal acceptance and recognition becomes a trap, where the pleasure becomes too demanding to allow for anything else. Aquarius, at its most indulgent, seeks out constant affirmation, refined experiences, and excitement. But as the pleasures of recognition and external validation grow, it starts to become stagnant, and with this comes the challenge of release. This is the paradox of Aquarius: the more it feeds on the approval and validation of the collective, the more it risks losing itself outside of that validation. The pleasure of fitting in, of acquiring knowledge, coming up with a new idea, or having distant admirers, becomes intoxicating, but fleeting. The experience of external gratification is exhilarating but ultimately unsustainable, as it relies on constant engagement with the world outside, which cannot always provide the same level of recognition over time. But this is why pleasure always precedes spirituality. When everything that is supposed to make the world seem fun is suddenly empty to you, you begin to detach.

[starry-bi-sky]

Stillborn? No, still born au - Danny’s ghost form

Nothing too fancy here. Just me detailing Danny’s ghost form in the stillborn au :]. My first rule of thumb for every dp au i make is that danny’s gotta have a different design for each ghost form. It doesn’t have to be super drastic depending on the au (like for my dp godling au his suit remains relatively unchanged).

This is mostly so I can mess with character design and also so each Danny can have his own unique ghost form for identification reasons. And because I just want to, which is the most important part :].

Stillborn Danyal, unlike Things in Threes and Yaelokre Danyal, is the first to not have an assassin-based ghost form due to obvious reasons. He was raised in foster care all his life, the League has had no impact on his life beyond being the place where his mother is. But it’s not like he knows that.

As a result he gave me some trouble, and it took me a few days and a ton of frustration to figure out how I want him to look as a ghost. I could just keep him in the hazmat suit and mess around with the detailing, but i’ll be frank, I hate doing that.

Stillborn Danyal, unlike all his other au counterparts, is a fire core ghost like Vlad is. As a result, in his ghost form he can reach extreme temperatures with just a flick of his hand or a switch in his mood. His emotional regulation is shit, and as a result it’s not uncommon for him to let off heatwaves in either form. They’re just more intense as a ghost.

His hair is made of molten lava, and unlike the other Dannys, is not white as a result. It’s an ever constant flow as well, meaning it doesn’t stop flowing where his human hair ends. It just keeps “growing”. Danny routinely keeps his hair braided back because it slows the lava flow and keeps it off his face and arms. When it reaches his past feet, that’s when Danny superheats his hands and “cuts” his hair by yanking it off. It’s completely painless if he gets the right heat to do it. Afterwards, Danny either uses it as a weapon — braided whip, anyone? — or disposes of the excess lava somewhere it can’t hurt someone.

Molten lava ranges around 1,300 to 2,200 degrees Fahrenheit and can either be very fluid or very viscous and stiff. The heat of his hair, naturally, means that the living cannot physically get near him without proper covering. So Danny tends to keep a distance as much as possible during fights so he doesn’t burn anyone.

His emotions also affect the heat and fluidity of his hair. Which isn’t that great considering he can be pretty emotionally volatile thanks to all of his ✨trauma✨. The angrier or more emotional he is, the hotter and more fluid his hair is, meaning it burns brighter and flows faster. It’s very much possible for the lava to cool down enough to solidify into volcanic glass or igneous rock, but considering Danny’s mental state? He just isn’t capable of doing that on his own. Vlad’s hair is also molten lava, but he’s perfected how to keep it in an igneous rock state. His hair also glows bright enough that it’s impossible to see his face from a distance, and seeing it up close is equally as impossible considering all the ambient heat he gives off.

That’s not the only part thats made of lava and magma either. Danny’s hands and feet don’t have skin covering them, it’s crumbled and melted away into molten lava too. They’re the second hottest parts of his body only to his hair. Around his elbows is where his skin begins to crack and crumble into magma, and as a result he wears welding gloves in order to interact with the living world (and some ghosts) without melting anything. He can also run so hot that he can melt a blob ghost.

All fire core ghosts lack iris and pupils, it’s all one solid color. It is possible to shift their eyes into looking more “human like”, but there’s really no point to it and takes more practice and effort to achieve than its worth. Danny’s eyes are all green just like Vlad’s are all red.

Now for his clothes! Danny used to wear the hazmat suit, paired with an old hoodie he owned but didn’t wear often. Uppp until he was brainwashed by Circus Gothica. Afterwards, the only thing that transferred over was the color scheme.

Danny’s new Phantom outfit is designed more for looseness and breathability, but also means that as a result he gives off even more heat. His hazmat suit trapped most of it. He’s now wearing a white, sleeveless turtleneck (yall know the type. I am not immune to tropes and I think it looks good) with black harlem pants with an open slit up both sides and green flames running from his ankles to his knees, and spandex shorts underneath. He’s also wearing white stirrup socks. He wears green welding gloves. Due to the lack of proper footwear he tends to float everywhere otherwise he burns the ground thanks to the exposed skin. It’s significantly less “hero-like” or “scientist” and more resembling something a performer might wear.

As a result however, Danny is consistently cold. He struggles with his own thermal regulation and keeps trying to balance it between his own comfort and the comfort of the living around him. If he retains his own heat and keeps himself warm, he’s too hot for anyone to come near and he melts everything he touches, but if he cools down in order to interact with the world without his gloves and come near the living and only be “uncomfortably hot”, he’s freezing. He’s frustrated by the lack of balance. It was easier to interact with the hazmat suit, but he doesn’t want to go back to it and it’s not like he can either. The exposure allows him easier access to his powers.

Warm, sunny days are his favorite. He’ll sit out on the pavement and soak in the heat like a lizard. Catch him sitting on top of cars during 90 degree weather and just utterly content. It’s not as nice as the ghost zone’s Molten Springs but it’s the second best he can get without going into the infinite realms. The first best thing is going somewhere secluded and safe and just heating himself up into something that’s comfortable and letting his hair free. Nothing like cocooning yourself in your own magma flow.

[pawofassumption]

how i manifested my sp without lifting a finger.

i see a ton of posts regarding manifesting an sp, and it seems to be a big struggle for some so i thought i’d share a success story on how i manifested mine a few years back

At the time, my sweet 16 year old lesbian self found myself really obsessed with this insta famous girl. i won’t name drop but she was highly popular on the internet around this time and i wanted to at least be her friend so badly.

i would say i ‘attempted’ to manifest her into my life for a solid 9 months before i found a 30 day sp challenge to which i decided to try. And it worked.

But it wasn’t necessarily the challenge that worked, it was me. And this is crucial but..you are the method.

Now what did i actually do?

i began imagining random scenarios where we were texting, interacting on social media and overall had eachother in our lives. i remember specifically feeling like there was no movement and i felt particularly bored while living in the end. there was no sign it was near, or feeling that i was doing anything right, i just kept persisting and i did it nonchalantly. i would occasionally affirm but it was mostly visualization whenever i thought of her.

2 weeks in and her close friend mutualed me out of nowhere, within a few days i was added to a gc with my sp and she followed me and we became close friends and still are to this day:,)

i didn’t ever make the first move, i didn’t even take any inspired action. Everything fell into my lap.

and that technically wasn’t the only sp ive manifested into my life. So many people i used to daydream about befriending i’ve either dated, or eventually became friends with. i would like to think of it as devine timing bc i wouldn’t want to have known them any sooner or later.

to conclude: manifesting an sp is something ive never had resistance towards because people are so emotionally fluid and constantly changing. you can have the person of your dreams or the person that blocked you.

it’s your universe baby.

[mysticstronomy]

IT IS POSSIBLE TO TURN LIGHT INTO SOLID??

Blog#488

Saturday, March 15th, 2025.

For the first time, researchers have transformed light into a "'supersolid" — a strange state of matter that is both solid and liquid at the same time.

Although scientists have made supersolids out of atoms before, this is the first instance of coupling light and matter to create a supersolid and it opens new doors for studying condensed-matter physics, researchers explained in a paper published March 5 in journal Science.

But what exactly is a supersolid, and why is this new development so exciting? Here's everything you need to know.

Supersolids are a strange state of matter defined by quantum mechanics where particles condense into an orderly, crystalline solid but also move like a liquid that has no viscosity. (Viscosity refers to a substance's internal friction, governing how smoothly it flows). Usually, solids don't move on their own, but supersolids change direction and density depending on particle interactions while maintaining an organized lattice structure.

Supersolids require extremely low temperatures to form — usually very close to absolute zero (minus 459.67 degrees Fahrenheit, or minus 273.15 degrees Celsius). Most of the particles have to occupy the lowest energy state available, and heat makes particles jump up and down like excitable toddlers in a ball pit.

If a material is cold enough, the temperature no longer obscures how the particles interact with each other. Instead, the tiny effects of quantum mechanics become the defining factors in how the material behaves.

Imagine the toddlers have gone home and the ball pit has settled into a calm state. Now we can study in peace how the individual components of the ball pit interact with each other to define its characteristics.

Viscosity is a measure of how easily a fluid changes its shape. A fluid with a higher viscosity tends to stick to itself more and, therefore, resist movement, like how syrup moves more sluggishly when poured from a container compared with how water streams from a tap. All fluids, except superfluids and supersolids, have some amount of viscosity.

Supersolids have been made from atomic gases before. However, the new research used a novel mechanism that relies on the properties of "polariton" systems.

Polaritons are formed by coupling photons (light) and quasiparticles like excitons through strong electromagnetic interactions. Their properties allow them to condense to the lowest possible energy state in a similar way to some atomic gases. In other words, light is coupled with matter, and together, they can be condensed into a supersolid.

Originally published on https://www.livescience.com

COMING UP!!

(Wednesday, March 19th, 2025)

"IS DARK MATTER LIGHT??"

[wwooyology]

The Murder House | Pt. Two

𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕/𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒐 | 𝒑𝒕. 𝒐𝒏𝒆 | 𝒑𝒕. 𝒕𝒘𝒐 | 𝒑𝒕. 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒆 | 𝒆𝒑𝒊𝒍𝒐𝒈𝒖𝒆

「synopsis」 : with everyone's lives on the line, will luck be on your side? except it seems like whoever trapped you here doesn't plan on letting any of you leave that easy... suspicion is rising, and trust is starting to falter, but can you save everyone and bust whoever put you and your friends through this hell?

「word count」 : 11.3k

「genre」 : horror/thriller, gore, angst, psychological thriller, mystery

「warnings」 : MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!!, cussing, spiders/bugs, water, blood, mentions of betrayal, arguments, mentions of claustrophobia & arachnophobia/entomophobia, mentions of spider venom, life or death situations, more mind games, mental health disorders (anxiety, panic attacks, breakdowns, etc...), (some tags will be hidden as to not spoil the story!)

Jay groaned as he opened his eyes, his hand instantly going to his head, trying to soothe the dull pounding behind his eyes. Riki, who had just been shaking the older male, looked down at him before moving back, letting him sit up. As the throbbing died down, Jay’s brain swirled with questions once more, how many times had they been drugged at this point? Where had they been taken now? And most importantly, where was everyone else?

“Where are we?” Jay asked, voice hoarse from the lack of any fluid, his eyes scanning the room. “And where’s y/n?” Riki watched him with an unreadable expression but rolled his eyes when he wasn’t looking.

The walls looked as if they were made out of concrete, water stains dripping down from the ceiling. The ground was solid and cold under Jay’s palms, sending a shiver up his spine. If he didn’t know any better he would have thought this was some kind of dungeon. 

“I’m not sure.” Riki’s voice was low as he glanced over his shoulder, “looks like some kind of basement.” 

Jay scrunched his eyebrows at the boy’s calm tone. He knew that Riki had always been exceptional at hiding his emotions. This, however, he would think would warrant at least a tremor in his voice, but there was nothing.

The last thing Jay wanted was to throw any more accusations at anyone, let alone his little brother, so he just brushed it off. Standing on his feet, he dusted his jeans off before he heard what sounded like chains rattling on the other side of the room. Both Riki and Jay’s heads snapped over in that direction, and their eyes grew wide.

There, in a room separated by a glass window, sat Heeseung, hands cuffed to the arms of a chair. Pure fear and panic painted his face, which was only mirrored onto Sunghoon’s as Jay looked over at the taller male. 

Sunghoon stood in front of the window, fear etched into his features as he looked at Heeseung. His heart was beating at what seemed to be a million miles an hour. His eyes never strayed from the older male as Jay and Riki walked up to join him.

Heeseung’s panicked eyes move over to Jay when he comes into view, arms straining against their restraints, “Jay, what’s the fuck is going on?” His voice was higher in pitch as he yanked on the cuffs once more, but just like his last attempts, they proved to be fruitless.

Jay’s words caught in his throat as he started to realize what was going on. This was another game. 

Sunghoon saw movement in the corner of his eye, causing him to look up. He felt his blood run cold. Above Heeseung was a crate of spiders, at least a couple dozen crawling all over each other. Seeing the creatures made his skin crawl, and his mouth went dry as he tried to speak.

“I don’t wanna panic anyone, but…” He spoke quietly, pointing to the tub of spiders, which caused all eyes to follow. Jay’s eyes nearly popped out of his skull while Riki licked his lips. However, Heeseung…

“Guys, get me the fuck outta here! I mean it!” Heeseung started to panic, roughly pulling on his restraints. His heart beating so loudly it was deafening, his body starting to shake as sweat coated his skin. Bile crept up his throat the longer he kept looking at the creatures that hung over his head. Spiders had always, always freaked Heeseung out, going as far as jumping on the couch, nearly falling right on Sunghoon when he found a tiny one on his apartment floor, begging you to kill it.

“Ahhh, everyone is already awake,” A distorted voice cuts through the speakers in the room, causing all four of the boys to jump; Heeseung stopped moving, his hands still trembling. “Hello, gentlemen, and welcome to game number two! Let’s get straight into it, ya? Your last rooms may have been easy peasy lemon squeezy, but that doesn’t quite travel over.” Sunghoon’s eyes flicker all over the room, trying to find the source of the voice, “now you better put on your running shoes because you’ll have to move quickly if you wanna get your friend outta there, otherwise, well, he’ll experience a pain like no other.” Just then a big screen powers on, displaying a timer, the numbers frozen. “Good luck! Oh, and don’t let the bugs bite!” The voice then cut out, and a spotlight clicked on, showing a lockbox on a table that sat right under the screen.

Then the timer started. Jay’s heart dropped, his feet glued to the spot on the ground, his ears ringing loudly. Sunghoon’s horrified face shifts back to Heeseung, who is staring at the ground by his feet. Riki watches Sunghoon from the corner of his eye, studying his expression, his hands stuffed deep in his jacket pockets.

Sunghoon swallowed thickly before looking between Riki and Jay, “how can we be sure that the spiders will actually drop?” His voice shook, hands trembling at his sides, “or if they’re even venomous?” 

Jay couldn’t help but glare at the younger male, “Are you dense or something, dude? They have literally drugged us. Twice! What makes you think they won’t drop those spiders on him, huh?” The tone in Jay’s voice caused Sunghoon to recoil, flinching slightly.

“I’m just saying there’s a possibi-” “Those look like Sydney funnel-web spiders, highly venomous.” Riki cut Sunghoon off, causing both of them to look over at him, “if that many were to bite him at once, he’d die in five minutes tops.” he explained, voice trembling slightly as he looked over, meeting Sunghoon’s eyes, gleam in his pupils. “We’d need an ass ton of anti-venom, and that’s if there is any.”

At the new information, Heeseung felt his blood run cold. His arms violently tugged at his restaurants, and tears started to brim in his eyes. His attention then turned to Sunghoon, who was still looking at Riki.

“This is what you wanted, huh?” Heeseung seethed, sending a deadly glare toward the dark-haired male, “Lock us in some fucking sick and twisted games just to kill us off, just like you did the hacker. Is this what you get off to?”

Sunghoon’s eyes blew wide at Heeseung’s accusations, hurt contorting his face into a glare of his own. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? What fucking hacker?”

“Oh, don’t play dumb; we found your bracelet on the dead guy's body.” Heeseung scoffed, tugging on the restraints once more, “thought you could hide it, huh? Well, news flash, if you’re gonna kill someone, try not to lose any of your belongings on the body!”

“My bracelet? My bracelet is on my…” Sunghoon’s words trailed on as he held his hand up, shocked eyes right on the spot where his bracelet would normally be sitting.

“Oh, cat got your tongue? Yeah, we caught your ass red fucking handed.” Heeseung’s words dripped venom, eyes burning with rage.

Sunghoon glared at the older male, his body starting to shake due to anger and embarrassment. Riki watched the two go at each other, standing just a few feet away while Jay tried to concentrate on finding the pieces of clues they needed.

“Yeah and how do we know that you didn’t plant the bracelet on the body, huh?” Sunghoon turned the accusation around on Heeseung, “How do we know you're not the one behind all of this?” 

Heeseung laughed in disbelief, “Yeah because I would totally cuff myself to a chair under a box of the most venomous spiders IN THE FUCKING WORLD!” He shouted, yanking the cuffs and ignoring the pain that shot up his arm.

“Who knows, maybe this is just another tactic to throw us off your trail!” Sunghoon’s eyes narrowed, and that’s when Jay finally had enough, stepping over to the three.

“Stop. Both of you, this is fucking ridiculous.” Jay interjected a glare of his own, adoring his face, “We don’t have all the time in the world to sit here and argue about who’s behind all of this. You two bickering like a damn pair of street cats is only wasting time.” He shot a glare at Heeseung, too, who just shook his head, bottom lip caught between his teeth. “And you, why the fuck are you just standing there? This isn’t some telnova you can just sit back and watch, we need to find these clues.”

Sunghoon scoffs, nodding his head before looking over at Jay, pointing a finger at his chest, “And what about you?”

Caught off guard, Jay raises an eyebrow, “what about me?”

“I don’t know, maybe the fact that you seem pretty damn calm considering everything that’s happening,” Sunghoon stated in a matter-of-fact tone, causing Jay’s eyes to narrow into slits.

“One of our closest friends is sitting under a fucking ticking time bomb; I have no other choice than to be calm, Sunghoon.” Jay fumed, pointing a finger in Heeseung’s direction.

“How can you even be sure that they’ll actually drop?” Sunghoon resorted once again.

“Can you guarantee they won’t?” Jay asked, his undertone obviously showing that the trust he held for Sunghoon was starting to dwindle. His eyes were hard as he stared at the younger boy, who suddenly went silent. “Exactly, but if you’re okay with just sitting back and watching as one of your best friends sits on the brink of death, then be my fucking guest, but don’t expect anyone to come to save your sorry ass when it’s you in his position.” 

Sunghoon looks at Jay in complete disbelief, his hands trembling at his sides as heat rushes up his neck. He held eye contact with Jay, waiting to see if he would realize just how messed up what he said was, but when Sunghoon realized that he wasn’t going to, he looked away with a scoff.

“So quick to throw the blame on me, but what about your innocent princess? How do you know she didn’t plant my fucking bracelet on the body?” Sunghoon sneers, causing Jay’s jaw to tighten.

“That’s a pretty low blow, Sunghoon, blaming my sister because you fucked up.” Riki glared at the older male, arms crossed over his chest.

“I don’t kill anyone,” Sunghoon growled, eyes shooting daggers at the boy.

“Oh, and my sister did?” Riki shot back, a look of pure disgust covering his features, “And to think she thinks of you as a friend.” He scoffs, shaking his head and Sunghoon laughs, eyes looking away from Riki.

“Your sister isn’t this princess you see her as Riki. She’s not as innocent as you may want to think she is.” Sunghoon said, a fire burning in his pupils.

Riki could feel a rage bubble up in his gut; however, before he could open his mouth to resort, Jay intervened.

“Knock it the hell off,” Jay exclaims, grabbing Sunghoon’s shoulder. His patience is starting to wear thin.

Sunghoon just shrugged him off, glaring at him, “back off.”

That’s when that last little bit of patience that Jay had broken. Fed up with how Sunghoon was acting, Jay grabbed a hold of the boy's collar, pulling him close. “We are running out of time, so you can either hop off your high horse and help or shut up and get the fuck out of our way.”

Taken aback, Sunghoon shoves Jay off of him before taking a step back, his eyes narrowing. Heeseung sits quietly in his seat. The argument is like background noise as he lets his thoughts run wild.

“Did you do this, Sunghoon?” Heeseung’s voice was flat, with no sign of any emotion, head hung low. Sunghoon’s eyes snap over to him, opening his mouth to say no, but Heeseung cuts him off, “Then why was your bracelet on the body?” Heeseung lifted his head, and Sunghoon’s breath caught in his throat; tears brimmed in the older male’s eyes, threatening to fall at any moment. “If I’m going to die here tonight, I at least want to know why.” Heeseung’s voice cracked, and the tears he fought so hard to hold back broke free, streaming down his cheeks and dripping from his chin.

Sunghoon was at a complete loss for words, the severity of everything finally starting to sink in. Tears of his own filled his eyes as he watched Heeseung break. 

“I didn’t kill anyone, I swear.” Sunghoon nearly choked on his words, “I don’t know why my bracelet was there, but it wasn’t me.” However, his words held very little importance to Heeseung, and Sunghoon could see the trust crumbling into fine dust. Sunghoon then walked closer to the window, placing his palm flat on the glass, “We’re gonna get you out of here, and we’re gonna get out of here alive, I promise.” Sunghoon’s voice shook, tears dripping from his eyelashes.

Heeseung just shook his head, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "You shouldn’t make promises that you can’t keep, Sunghoon.”

Sunghoon repeats his words once more before wiping the tears from his face and turning towards Jay. Taking a few steps, he called out to the older male, gaining his attention.

Jay turned, a glare still fixed on his face, “If you’re going to say some stupid shit again, I don’t wanna hear it.”

The younger boy just swallowed thickly, shaking his head, “What do you need me to do?”

Jay looked him up and down, scrutinizing him before holding a piece of paper up. " We need to find two more pages with these symbols on them. I already found two, and Riki is over there looking for another.” He explained, pointing over to the younger boy who was rummaging through a filing cabinet.

Sunghoon nodded quickly before turning and making his way over to the cabinets that lined the far wall, tearing them completely apart. His mind was going haywire, thoughts overshadowing themselves as he repeatedly told himself that he would get Heeseung out. He was so lost in his thoughts that he hadn’t even noticed the eyes that were watching him.

Riki peeked over his shoulder, seeing that both Jay and Sunghoon were too immersed in trying to find more of the code to be paying him any mind, and Heeseung’s eyes were trained on the floor by his feet, lost in his mind. Curing his fingers around whatever sat in his palm, he stuffed his hands in his jacket pockets just as Jay turned around.

The silver-haired male nodded at Sunghoon as he handed him the piece of paper that he had found before turning towards the younger boy.

“Have you found anything yet?” Jay asked, and Riki just shook his head, tightening his fist in his pocket. He had to bite his tongue as he listened to Jay grumble out a few curses before telling Sunghoon to keep looking. His head turned back to the timer, watching the seconds tick away.

~

The three of them completely tore the room apart, trying to find the last piece of the code. Sunghoon was starting to grow frustrated because he was sure that they had searched every single nook and cranny of the room but had yet to see any sign of it. Jay chewed on the nail of his thumb, trying to think of any other place they could look, while Riki continued to search through the cabinet on the opposite wall of Jay.

Heeseung lay his head back on the chair, eyes closed, thinking back to his childhood and all of the memories he’d made over the past few years. He was always a quiet kid when he was younger, never really feeling like he fit in anywhere. He was always sitting in the back of the class, staring out the window as music played through his headphones. Then he met Sunghoon in middle school.

Sunghoon was a new transfer student, perceived to be this quiet, cold guy who barely spoke a word to anyone. The only thing that anyone knew was that he could always be found at the ice rink or in the park with his camera. Heeseung saw himself in the boy, and he knew just how lonely it got, so he started to talk to Sunghoon every day regardless if the younger wanted him to or not. One day, Sunghoon stopped fighting him, and they became close friends, then they met Jay in high school. Then his mind went to when he first met you; you and Riki had just moved into his apartment complex, and you were carrying boxes up the stairs and almost fell. Thankfully for you, maybe not so much Heeseung, he was walking right behind you on his phone until you fell back, right into him. He managed to grab both you and the railing in time before either of you could fall; however, his phone didn’t quite make it safely.

“Ya know there’s safer ways to fall for me.” He teased you, watching as your face started turning red. You had apologized and promised to fix his phone, but he just chuckled, telling you that it was fine before helping you lug all of your belongings into your apartment, where Riki was waiting for you. From there, the two of you become inseparable, leading you to introduce him to Jake and Sunoo, and he introduces you to the other guys.

Everything was picture-perfect. Sure, you all have your ups and downs, but what friend group doesn’t? So he was left with the question of why. Why were you guys brought to this point? What had caused this? Where did they do wrong?

Heeseung lifted his head just as Jay walked in front of the window, “Jay.” His voice was hoarse from holding back tears but was still heard by the silver-haired male, causing him to stop and look over at Heeseung, “Do me a favor and tell y/n that I’m sorry for being so mean, ya?”

Jay felt his heart drop when he realized what Heeseung was implying; shaking his head, he told him no, “You can tell her yourself, dumbass, we’re getting you out.”  

However, Heeseung just shook his head softly, a small, sad smile playing on his chapped lips. The light that used to always gleam in his eyes was slowly vanishing. This broke Jay’s heart because he knew that his closest friend was accepting the fact that he may not make it out of there alive.

“There’s only fifteen minutes left, Jay. I’m not getting out of here.” Heeseung’s words stung Jay to the depths of his soul. Tears that he was trying to keep at bay started to spill over, flowing down his flushed cheeks. “Tell my mom that I love her and to make sure to look after herself.”

Jay wiped his face after finally realizing that he was crying, glaring at Heeseung, “Shut up, we’re getting you out of here.” His voice shook, willing himself to keep from breaking down, not even sure who he was really trying to reassure Heeseung or himself.

Sunghoon was rushing around the room, his heart beating in his ears and he tore apart places that he had already looked in multiple times. He knew that the last piece had to be around here somewhere, it couldn’t be gone, it just couldn’t. Turning around, his eyes landed on the younger boy who hadn't moved from that one side of the room.

“Riki, are you sure you haven’t found anything?” His voice came out a lot louder than he had intended, causing Riki to look over at him with wide, shocked eyes.

“Are you saying I was lying? I have been looking this whole time just like the two of you.” Riki sneered, glaring at the dark-haired male.

“Fuck, no, sorry.” Sunghoon curses, running his fingers through his hair, avoiding Riki’s harsh gaze before making his way over to the lockbox.

He grabbed the lock with shaky hands, inspecting the pattern of symbols on the dial. Running his fingers over the grooves, he turned around and found Jay hunched over another table, deep in his thoughts.

“Couldn’t we just try to guess the code?”

Both Riki and Jay looked over at the boy, Jay’s face devoid of any emotion as tears rolled down his cheeks, while Riki’s was stoic almost as if he wasn’t fully there.

“There are way too many possibilities, not to mention we don’t even have the last piece, so it’ll make it ten times harder,” Riki stated, pulling his lips into a thin line when he saw Sunghoon’s face drop.

“We don’t have the time for it anyway.” Jay’s voice cracked, eyes avoiding Sunghoon’s as he looked up at the timer, causing the other two to look over as well.

‘00:10:27’

Sunghoon felt the lump in his throat return, his body growing warm as a thin layer of sweat coated his icy skin. His ears were ringing so loud he couldn’t hear anything other than the high-pitched sound. Turning around, he started trying any combination on the lock that he could think of that involved the three pieces that they already had. Mixtures of curses and cries fell from his lips every time one of them turned out to be wrong.

Jay pushed himself off of the table before rummaging through the cabinets for the nth time, a small inkling of hope that he’d be able to find it. His hands shook so back that he could barely grab onto anything, his vision blurry as the tears fell from his lashes endlessly.

Riki moved from his spot, standing in front of the window to meet Heeseung’s gaze, who offered him a small smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes. The younger boy stood there with a solemn look on his face, his hands stuffed deep in the pockets of his jacket.

“Hey Riki,” Heeseung’s voice was merely above a whisper, but the boy heard it nonetheless. "Take care of your sister. She’s going to need you after tonight.”

Riki swallows thickly, nodding his head, “always.”

Heeseung nods his head slowly, his smile never leaving his face. His eyes then travel to the other two, Sunghoon’s movements frantic when he realizes just how quickly time is running out. Jay moves over to the cabinet that Riki has been looking through, throwing everything to the ground as he searches it.

“Guys,” Heeseung calls out to them, but neither of them pays him any mind, not wanting to hear anything he has to say. Their hope was hanging on by a thread, but they were going to try their damnedest, even to the very last second. Heeseung bit the inside of his cheek, his heart rate speeding up as he watched the seconds tick by. “Listen to me, dammit!”

‘00:01:25

Sunghoon and Jay reluctantly looked away from what they were doing, tears stinging their eyes as they met the older male’s eyes. Heeseung looked between them with a sorrowful look, his eyes glancing over to Sunghoon, “I’m sorry for accusing you, Hoon; I know you’d never do that.” Tears started to spill from Heeseung’s bloodshot eyes; Sunghoon bit his lip, shaking his head.

‘00:01:02’

“It’s okay, Hee. I’m sorry for lashing out.” Sunghoon’s voice shook, fresh tears brimming his eyes. His heart felt as if someone was stabbing multiple tiny little knives into it before leaving it to bleed out. Was he really going to lose his best friend like this? The first person who actually saw him as a person?

“Water under the bridge, right?” Heeseung’s voice was soft, not a single ounce of malice causing Sunghoon’s heart to lurch, nodding his head too afraid his words would fail him.

‘00:00:54’

Heeseung’s eyes then moved over to Jay, who was standing there, lip trapped between his teeth, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. “Jay, go and ask y/n out when y’all make it out of here, ya?”

Jay felt dizzy, blinking harshly to try and clear the tears that had built up on his waterline. Licking his chapped lips, he nods, “Yeah…” His voice trails on the first tear, dropping, allowing the others to follow. His whole body shook as he watched his best friend look over at Riki, all the thoughts of their past circulating in his mind. His heart was cracking little by little until it was completely shattered, the shards cutting everything around it. Was this really going to be the end of their friendship? Was it really going to end before they got the chance to be each other's best man at their weddings? Before they could watch their kids grow up together?

‘00:00:42’

Riki refused to meet Heeseung’s eyes, keeping them glued to the ground right by his feet. His mind was swirling with thoughts, but his face remained unchanged even when Heeseung coaxed him to look up.

“You’re a good kid, Riki. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I know your sister may give you a hard time, but she loves you. So much.” Heeseung’s voice then cracked, “I will always be with you guys. Feel free to take any of my games from the apartment. I wouldn't want them to go to waste.” Tears were flowing down Heeseung’s flushed cheeks as he offered the boy a small smile.

Riki didn’t say a word, his jaw clenched tightly. His eyes seemed to have darkened as he altered his gaze, the tips of his ears turning a shade of scarlet red. How was he going to explain all of this to his sister? How was he going to be able to sit there watching as she sobbed over the death of her ‘friends’?

‘00:00:27’

Heeseung closed his eyes, allowing tears to fall from the corner of his eyes. Little snippets of his life flashed behind his eyelids, allowing him to cherish those memories one last time before they were all lost to time. He inhaled, shaky, before opening his eyes to look at his friend once more. 

‘00:00:09’

“Thank you for everything, for dealing with my annoying ass, for allowing me to be your friend, for allowing me to find a place where I belong.” Heeseung smiled weakly, “Thank you for being my family.”

Time felt like it had stopped when the timer buzzed, and the crate opened, allowing the spiders to drop. The creatures scattered all over Heeseung’s body, some biting as soon as they landed. His lip was caught between his teeth, trying his best to muffle any sounds that escaped his lungs, eyes screwed shut as pain erupted all over his body. His jaw fell slack as screams of pure agony echoed all around the room. Each bite he received seemed to be ten times worse than the last, leaving his skin to feel like it was being set ablaze. His arms involuntarily jerked against the restraints in any attempt to get out, but he couldn’t.

Sunghoon felt like he was going to be sick as he watched the insects latch themself onto any exposed skin Heeseung had shown before turning his head, hand covering his mouth. Riki averted his gaze, hands clenching into fists in the pockets of his jacket once more. Jay watched in utter disbelief, tears rolling down his face as he watched and listened to Heeseung start to quiet until they were merely an echo in his brain, and his body lay still, his skin red and irritated as bumps started to show from the multitude of bites.

Then a shutter came down, blocking Heeseung’s mutilated body from their view. Jay was rooted to the same spot, eyes on his reflection that started right back at him. Sunghoon takes a small step back before dropping down to the ground, head in his hands, pure terror and shock etched on his face. Riki continued to stare at the wall just beside the window, his face voice of any emotion, but there was a slight gleam in his eyes, fingers fidgeting with the slip of paper in his pocket.

Jay then shouted out of pure rage and pain, completely clearing the table of the lockbox and papers. Tears continued to stream down his face as he hit the table a few times until his knuckles were bruised and swollen. A string of cusses left his lips until they died down into quiet sobs as his head hung low.

The sound of a beep echoed in the deadly silent room, causing Jay and Riki to look up; Sunghoon stayed crouched down, mumbling incoherently. Jay felt a newfound sense of rage bubble up in his chest as he read the words on the screen.

‘GAME OVER – BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME!!’

Just then, the lock on their door clicks, signaling that they are allowed to leave; being the closest to it, Riki grabs the handle, pulling it open. He looked down the dimly lit hallway seeing no sign of anyone else before looking back at the other two. Sunghoon was unmoving, fingers knotted in his hair as he stared at the window, while Jay’s eyes stayed glued to the TV screen, his mind running a million miles an hour.

Riki swallowed thickly before opening his mouth to speak, “We should probably go find the others.” His voice was quiet as the weight of the room started to set in on him.

Heeseung was gone.

It had been about five minutes since the timer had started, and the water turned on. Five minutes since you and Jungwon scrambled to search the nearest cabinet. Five minutes of Sunoo watching you silently, his brain mulled with thoughts.

You had torn almost every book, decoration, file, paper, or other item out of the cabinet. Mumbling small curses to yourself as your hand slipped, almost causing you to cut your palm on the corner, Jungwon looked over. Hearing your small grunt of pain, worry flickered in his eyes.

“Hey, I found something!” Jake exclaims, holding up a box. "There’s some kind of combination lock on it.” He sets the box down just as you and Jungwon walk over, moving out of the way.

“There’s probably two other boxes like this,” Jungwon states, eyes flickering up to you before moving to Jake.

You quickly nodded, looking between both of the boys, telling them to continue looking for the other boxes. The three of you then split off once more, tearing the room apart for the other objects, knowing they held the key to getting Sunoo out of the box he was in.

Before too long both of the other boxes had been found, you and Jungwon setting them on the table next to the one that Jake had found. You stood there looking at them, thinking about your next course of action despite the shaking of your hands. Jake stood next to you, his hand lightly placed on your lower back, causing a chill to run down your spine.

“Do you think the codes are the same?” Jake asked, bottom lip caught between his teeth, his hand still on you.

Becoming uncomfortable with the way his fingers were curling around the fabric of your shirt, you took a step away, putting a good distance between the two of you. “I doubt it,” you cleared your throat, looking everywhere but the brunette’s eyes. " The codes are probably hidden around the room, too.”

Jake’s jaw clenched as he tried his best to push the annoyance down, nodding his head. You swallowed thickly before returning his nod and turning around to walk away, leaving the boy to watch you with gleaming eyes.

He ran his tongue over his teeth before turning and walking over to another filing cabinet, pulling the drawer open quite roughly. Jungwon watched with furrowed brows, clearly confused by Jake’s reaction and wondering why he started acting so hostile. However, he pushed it to the side, deciding to deal with it later, whenever they all got out.

It had taken about five minutes before you scrambled to your feet, exclaiming that you had found one of the codes, catching both of the boys’ attention. Quickly making your way over to the table where the boxes were sitting you showed Jugwon the page before bending down to start unlocking the lock. However, your hands shook with so much force that it was causing the lock to slip from your fingers. Tears were blurring your vision, which only added to your struggle, causing you to let out a few curses.

Noticing your struggle, Jake walks over and places a soft hand on your shoulder. " Hey, just slow down. You’re rushing too much.”

Scoffing, you shrugged his hand off, turning to glare at him. “Slow down? Jake, he is in there with running water, I don’t have the time to slow down!” You pointed a finger in Sunoo’s direction, “We need to get the keys out so we can unlock that fucking box before he drowns!”

Jake was taken aback by your outburst, but the shock quickly shifted to annoyance, “yeah, we do need to get the keys out, but you seem to be incapable of doing so with all of your shaking.” He rolled his eyes, and you opened your mouth to retort, but he beat you to it, “No one is going to yell at you for not going fast enough; we’re not your parents, for fucks sake, y/n.”

Your jaw fell slack, and all of the words you were going to say died on your tongue as you stared at the male in utter disbelief. Jungwon stood off to the side with a nervous look on his face, unsure of how to defuse the situation.

“Hey guys, let’s not-”

“That's a real fucking low blow, Jake,” Your tone was full of hurt as you glared at him before turning back to the boxes.

Jake just scoffs, rolling his eyes, “god, I forgot how much of a damn drama queen you are.”

Jungwon looked at Jake in surprise while you tried your best to ignore him. Your jaw clenched tightly as you unlocked the box. You pulled the lid open before taking the key that was sitting inside and pocketing it. Sending Jake one last glare, you turned and walked off in pursuit of the other lock combinations.

Sensing the tension in the air, Jungwon walks over and puts his hand on Jake's shoulder. “Let’s just look for the other codes,” the younger boy suggests. However, the only response that he reserved was Jake shoving his hand off and him walking off. Sighing, Jungwon closed his eyes, shaking his head, before walking over to Sunoo, who had been watching the two of them.

Jungwon placed his hand on the glass, looking up at the boy. “Just hang tight. We’re going to get you out of there.”

Sunoo nods with a small smile before watching as Jungwon walks away before looking over at you. You had found another cabinet and were searching through the bottom drawer, but tears kept obstructing your vision, causing you to let out a few curses while wiping them away. Sunoo watched with sorrow as your shoulders shook, his heart hurting seeing you so broken.

“Y/n.” He called out your name, causing you to stop what you were doing, and turned to look at him, wiping some of the tears from your face. Standing to your feet, you made your way over to the blonde, who offered you a sad smile. “Don’t let what he said get to you, okay? Emotions are so high right now I’m sure he didn’t mean it.” 

You knew that he was probably right. All of you were trapped in such a stressful situation that it was not that much of a surprise that someone snapped. You nodded softly, wiping more of the tears off of your cheeks before a small smile pulled on the corner of your lips, which made Sunoo’s heart swell.

However, your smile quickly dropped when you realized that the water had already traveled up to his knees. Panic started to etch itself into your bones once more as you placed your hand on the glass, Sunoo mimicking your movements.

“We’ll get you out soon, I promise.” Your voice cracked slightly, causing Sunoo’s heart to lurch. He smiled, trying his best to reassure you, but the smile didn’t quite meet his eyes.

Deep down Sunoo had a small feeling that this was going to be his last twenty minutes on earth. Something was telling him that they weren’t going to find all of the keys on time, that he was going to end up taking his last breath.  He started to think back to everything that led up to now, how he spent the last year pining over someone who would just be right out of his reach. How he had made plans with Riki and Jungwon to go on a road trip this summer, but now they would have to take the trip without him. He thought back to when he first met Riki, which is funny in itself because he was at the store looking for a game that Jungwon sent him out to get, accidentally running into Riki, literally. The boy was in such a rush to get back home before his favorite show started that he hadn't seen Riki standing there. Riki, who had just as surprised as Sunoo offered him a hand up and teased him for being in such a rush before asking what he was looking for.

“Some new game my roommate sent me to grab,” Sunoo rolled his eyes, “not even sure why I agreed to.” Riki couldn’t help but laugh, but he had helped Sunoo find that game before exchanging numbers because of a show they both liked.

Tears started to prick at Sunoo’s eyes as he wondered what he did to deserve this? What have any of you done to deserve this? It was something that he was sure that he would wonder even after he was laid to rest.

Jake glanced over his shoulder, seeing that everyone else was distracted, his fingers wrapping around the box nearest to him. Sunoo caught him from the corner of his eye, eyebrows furrowed together as he watched the older male stuff something in his pocket and set the box back down just as you turned around.

Eyes narrowing slightly, you looked Jake up and down. "What are you doing?” Your voice caught Jake’s attention, causing him to turn to look at you. "Did you find another code?”

Jake shakes his head, pulling his hand from his pocket to point at the box that he just had in his hand. “I was just checking to see if there was anything on the bottom.” His voice is steady as he meets your gaze. Something about the gleam in his eyes leaves a bad taste in your mouth. However, against your better judgment, you decide not to question him, though you do look at him with a scrutinizing gaze.

“So, was there anything?” Your tone held a bit of sas that caused the male to bite his tongue, trying his best to not lash out once more; more than enough damage had already been done.

So he just shook his head, “No, there’s nothing.”

With a curt nod, you turned back around to continue your search for the missing codes. Sunoo glanced at you for a moment before looking over at Jake, who opened a drawer that he was sure he had already looked through a few times. Alarms started going off in the blonde’s head, something telling him that something was very, very wrong, but he didn’t want to just assume anything.

The feeling of eyes on him caused Jake to turn his head, meeting Sunoo’s gaze. He raised an eyebrow, questioning the blonde silently, who just gave him a tight-lipped smile and turned away, but not before catching a glimpse of what looked to be a knife in the older male’s jacket pocket.

A shiver runs throughout Sunoo’s entire body as he looks elsewhere in the room, unsure if it was due to what he had just seen or if it was the cold water that was soaking his clothes little by little. His heart beat loudly in his ears as he tried to think why Jake would have a knife. Surely, the person behind all of this would have taken any kind of weapon that they had on them, and if he had found it in the room, why hadn’t he said anything? Sunoo had gotten so lost that he hadn’t even noticed Jungwon leap to his feet, holding up a piece of paper.

“I found another one!” He exclaimed before making a beeline for the boxes; you were hot on his heels.

Jungwon grabbed one of the boxes just as you stood by his side, arms brushing against each other as you watched him intently. However, at the sight of you standing so close to the younger boy, Jake's lip twitched, a glare adorning his features, all of which didn’t go unnoticed by Sunoo.

Before he could speak aloud, Jungwon threw the box open, grabbing the key out and showing you with a wide smile on his face. You guys were one step closer to getting Sunoo out of there. But then all of the excitement died down when he looked over to show Sunoo the key and saw that the water was mid-chest on the older male.

Panic starts to cloud your mind, causing you to look around the room frantically, yelling at the other two boys to pick it up and keep looking. Jake walked over to a bookshelf that was off to Sunoo’s right while Jungwon walked over to another cabinet.

Jungwon mumbled something akin to promises of finding the last one, his ears ringing so loudly that it’d be a miracle if he heard anything else. You practically threw out of the shelf that you had been looking through, flipping through the pages of the books. Tears involuntarily brimming in your eyes once more, but you bite the inside of your cheek to keep yourself from letting them fall.

Jake licked his lips, his eyes flickering over to you before he shoved his hand into the pocket of his jacket. Clearing his throat, he called out to you and Jungwon, a sense of urgency in his tone causing all of your attention to shift over to him. He held up the crinkled paper, causing your eyes to light up before rushing over to him.

You stood next to Jake, staring over his shoulder urging him to open the box already while Jungwon walked over to Sunoo with a bright smile on his lips.

“We’re getting you out of there, Sun.” Jungwon felt tears of relief fill his eyes, but Sunoo would only offer him a smile, a gut feeling telling him that something was wrong.

Jake opens the box with a flourish, but his eyes grow wide at the sight of an empty box. Looking over, he watches as fear and panic morph into your face once more. You snatch the box out of Jake’s hands, causing him to recoil back slightly, his eyes widening.

Your panic-stricken eyes looked into the box, seeing that the key was, in fact, not in there, “Son of a bitch!” You shouted, throwing the box to the ground, the metal crashing into the ground, causing the sound to reverberate all around the room.

With tears streaming down your face, you search the room for anything that could break the last lock. All your attempts proved to be futile; nothing was quite strong enough to even begin to crack the lock. 

“Fuck!” All of the anger and frustration started to bubble in your chest, a stream of tears falling from your eyes. Jungwon looked up from his spot on the ground next to Sunoo, lock in hand trying to see if he could pick it.

In the heat of the moment, she grabbed one of the chairs that sat at the desk before swinging as hard as she could, hitting the glass and causing all three boys to jump at the sudden sound. Jungwon shields his head when you go to swing the chair once more, but Jake grabs your arm, causing you to glare at him.

“There’s no point.” His voice was flat, causing your heart to sink. Had he really already accepted Sunoo’s fate?

“How would you know?” You seethed, yanking your arm free from his grasp just as Jungwon stood from the ground.

“And why are you just standing there doing nothing?” Jungwon pointed at Jake, who just slapped his hand out of the way, a glare of his own covering his face.

“Because there’s nothing we can do; what about that, do you not get?” Jake growled, looking between you and Jungwon.

Before you could open your mouth, Sunoo butts in, “Y/n, he’s right, time’s alm-”

“No, there’s a way. I’ll find a way, dammit.” You hissed through your teeth, tears sticking to your eyelashes. You refused to hear anything else as you continued your search for anything that could get the lock undone.

Sunoo sighed, closing his eyes for a moment before opening them once more to look at you. It pained him so much to see you trying so hard to save him, and it broke his soul to know that he was about to cause a lot of pain—not just to you but to all of your other friends.

“Y/n.” He called out to you, but you shook your head not giving him your attention. Letting out a sigh, he placed his hand against the glass, the water merely inches away from his neck. “Y/n, look at me, please.” This time you look over at him, tears streaming down your flushed face, eyes bloodshot, “there’s no time.” 

A sob tore through your lungs, a sound that Sunoo never wanted to hear, let alone be the cause of. Tears of his own stung at the corner of his eyes as he watched Jungwon grab your frail body, pulling you into his chest. He didn’t want his last few moments alive seeing that heartbreaking expression on your face, so he offered a small smile when you finally looked up to meet his gaze.

“Do you remember that new cafe we wanted to go to?” Sunoo’s voice was soft, only causing your heart to hurt more because you knew what he was starting to get at.

But you still nodded, “yeah, you always talked about the paw print design on the cups.”

Sunoo couldn’t help but chuckle because he knew she was right. Ever since the cafe released their cup designs, Sunoo couldn’t shut up about how cute they were and how he wanted one to use at home.

“Go and try it out for me, ya?” He asked, a teary smile on his lips as he watched you choke back a sob but still nodded, telling him that you would. Your hands balled Jungwon’s shirt into a fist as sobs continued to rack through your body.

Jungwon tightened his grip around your waist, letting you cry into his shoulder as he bit the inside of his cheek to keep his own tears at bay. However, it proved to be a lot harder than he thought when Sunoo looked in his direction.

“Hey, Won.” Sunoo smiled, his bottom lip trembling, “go ahead and do me a favor, ya?”

Jungwon’s hand tightened against your hip, “of course, Sun.”

“Stop being so reckless all of the time; you’re gonna get yourself hurt one day.” Sunoo mused, and Jungwon couldn’t help but let out a small laugh as his tears finally broke free. “Oh, and get that game you’ve been going crazy over, okay?”

The younger boy swallowed thickly, trying to keep from entirely breaking down. “I will, Sun, I promise.” His voice shook, and his vision became blurry as more tears flowed from his eyes.

Sunoo offered Jungwon one last smile before looking over at Jake, his heart feeling heavy. The last thing he needed to do was throw around accusations, but he hoped that a few words of warning to Jungwon would suffice if anything were to happen. However, the questioning look on the older male’s face made his stomach turn. 

Swallowing thickly, he gestured to you and Jungwon, “Make sure they make it out alive, okay?”

Jake poked the inside of his cheek before nodding, reassuring him that he would. Seconds later, the water completely submerged Sunoo. He held his breath as he looked at the three of you once more before fully accepting his fate.

Choked sobs tore through your body as you watched in horror as Sunoo’s body fought to get air, bubbles surrounding his head until they slowly diminished into nothing, and his body sank to the bottom of the container. His eyes closed, and if he hadn’t been in the water, you would have thought he was just sleeping.

Jungwon’s grip slipped from your body, allowing you to drop to the ground, eyes never leaving Sunoo’s body. Sobs no longer fell from your lips, but tears continued to silently fall from your eyes.

The younger boy just stood there, arms hung by his sides as he stared at the body of his best friend, waiting to wake up from this sick and twisted nightmare. Wanting to wake up already to walk into the living room to see the blonde perched on the couch with a bowl of cereal while watching whatever drama show was on that morning. However, no matter how many times he pinches himself he doesn’t seem to be waking up. With every pinch, the reality of everything sank in, and all he could do was cry.

Jake stood off to the side, his eyes staring at the blonde’s body. His expression was unreadable, but his jaw was taught. 

Both boys looked at the TV screen when the buzzer alarmed them. Jake quickly looked away, his hands stuffed deep in his jacket pockets.

“Fuck you, you sick sons of bitches.” Jungwon cursed, wiping the tears from his face with a scoff as he read the words they had displayed with little animated fish swimming around.

‘GAME OVER – BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME!!’

Their attention was then pulled to the door. When the sound of the lock turning was heard, Jake made his way over to it. Pulling his hands from his packets, he reached for the doorknob before pulling it open, peeking out, and then looking back at Jungwon, whose eyes were already on him.

“We better go find the others.” His voice was merely above a whisper, and his eyes shifted away from the boy down to you. The shock had completely rendered your body motionless, but your eyes were still glued to where Sunoo lay at the bottom of the tank.

One of your friends was gone, Sunoo was dead.

Not a word was uttered as Jay, Sunghoon, and Riki walked down the dimly lit hallway. Each in their own world, they were still trying to come to terms with what they had just witnessed. Jay led the way while Sunghoon trailed along in the back, eyes devoid of any emotion save for sorrow. Then, Riki walked between the two.

Jay then sees a door at the end of the hall, light shining through the cracks. He mutters a quick ‘come on’ before walking towards the door. Waiting just a second, he tried to see if he could hear anything, but no sound came through the thick wooden door. Glancing behind him for a second, Riki just gave him a slight nod while Sunghoon remained stoic.

On the other side of the door, Jungwon shot to his feet when he heard the sound of the door knob turning; his nerves completely shot. However, as soon as Jay’s face came into view he could feel his body significantly relax. He couldn’t help the small smile that tugged on his lips, seeing that their other friends were fine, at least he thought they were until he realized that something was severely wrong. Looking around, he noticed that another of their friends was missing, nowhere to be seen, and he could feel his heart drop to the pit of his stomach.

“Where’s Heeseung?” Jungwon’s words caught your attention, causing you to look over before standing to your feet when you didn’t see the older male anywhere. Sunghoon looked away, his lip tucked between his teeth, avoiding your and Jungwon’s gazes. 

With a few quick strides, you walked over to Jay, grabbing his forearms. Jay bit the inside of his cheek at the sight of your bloodshot eyes, knowing that you had already been crying long before they even made it into the room. 

Terror filled your veins as you tried to convince yourself that he was fine, that he was just lagging behind the rest of them, that he would walk through that door any second and tease her for crying over him. However, seeing the heartbreak on Sunghoon’s face left your heart beating in your ears as you swallowed thickly before asking the dreaded question.

“Jay, where’s Heeseung?” Your bottom lip trembled as you fought back tears, shifting your gaze over to your brother, who just closed his eyes and shook his head.

“I’m sorry.” Jay’s voice came out hoarse, and your eyes went wide, your heart shattering, “he’s gone.” 

You shake your head, releasing Jay’s arms before taking a step back, “No, no, no, NO!” You cried out, hands in your hair as you dropped to the ground. Sobs tore through your exhausted lungs, causing them to come out choked as tears flooded from your eyes before dropping to the hardwood floor.

Your cries echoed all over the room, etching itself into each of the boy’s bones. Jay tilted his head up towards the ceiling to keep the tears at bay while Sunghoon bit his lip, wishing he’d never have to hear something as devastating as this ever again.

All of your memories of Heeseung came crashing into you all at once, causing your screams to increase in agony. Your vision was completely obscured by the tears as you covered your ears to try and drown out the ringing, but it was no use. Your breathing then started to hitch, causing alarm amongst the rest.

Jay was the first to move towards you but was quickly intervened by Riki, who pushed him away, a hard look in his eye as he bent down to grab you.

“I’ve got her.” The boy’s tone was harsh, causing Jay to take a small step back, knowing now wouldn’t be the best time for an argument to break out.

So he watched as Riki helped you to your feet before leading you to the couch. Then he looked around the room, seeing that a certain blonde was nowhere to be seen either. Eyebrows scrunched together, he looked over at Jungwon, ready to ask where Sunoo was, but the younger boy just shook his head, a solemn look gracing his features.

“Fucking hell.” Jay cursed, running his fingers through his hair and walking off to the side of the room. How could they lose two people within the span of just an hour? How many more of them were going to have to die before they managed to get out of this hell hole?

~

After a short while, you had finally calmed down a little bit. Now, you were leaning against your brother, silent tears still falling down your cheeks. No one had said a word, not sure what to say or too lost in their own minds to even bother speaking.

Riki moved slightly, lifting his head to look at the others. " We should take this chance to look around, do you think?” His words caught Jay’s attention, causing the older male to look over at him. “I mean, the doors are still unlocked, so shouldn’t we look for a way out or clues at least?”

Jay nods his head before pushing himself to his feet, followed by Jake and Jungwon. However, neither you nor Sunghoon showed any kind of response. Jay lets out a sigh, walking over to the dark-haired male and placing his hand on his shoulder. Sunghoon still shows no response even after Jay tells him to come on, and neither do you, your eyes still glued to the same spot on the ground.

He was trying to be patient with the two of you, but his patience had already been worn to the max, and there wasn’t much left that he could spare before snapping. So he pinches the bridge of his nose before giving the both of you a stern look.

“Do you really think this is what Hee or Sunoo would have wanted?” Jay’s voice was hard, but all you could do was scoff before glaring up at him.

“The last time we snooped around, two of our friends died, so I’m sorry if I don’t wanna run that risk again.” You hissed, standing on your feet. The last thing you wanted to do was witness another one of your friends dying, already experiencing enough heartbreak to last ten lifetimes.

Jay returned your glare with one of his own, “If we stay here, one or even all of us are bound to die.” He gestured to the others around the two of you, “I would much rather die trying to get free rather than sit here and wait for death because, guess what? That would mean that our friends' deaths were in vain.” Jay’s words struck a cord deep within your soul causing you to flinch while Sunghoon inhaled deeply before nodding his head.

“Jay’s right,” He walked over to stand next to Jay, looking down at you, a mixture of emotions swirling in his iris’, “I don’t know about you, y/n, but I’m about to sit around and let Hee’s death be for nothing,”

Your glare shifted from Jay to the taller male next to him, the feeling of uncertainty coming back. How could you trust him after finding his bracelet? After Heeseung died when he was with him? So many emotions were stored away in your body that you weren’t even sure what to feel, but you did know that anger was the strongest. Your hands clenched at your sides before stepping away from the couch and closer to Sunghoon.

“I swear to god, if I find out that you’re the one behind all of this. I will personally kill you myself.” You seethed before making your way towards the door and ripping it open. Riki was hot on your heels when you stormed out of the room.

Jake watched from the back, his eyes darting between everyone who stood in the room with him, a smirk tugging on the corner of his lips when he saw Sunghoon’s face fall. However, the expression didn’t go unnoticed by Jungwon, who just happened to glance at the older boy. Sensing someone’s gaze, Jake looked over, meeting Jungwon’s, a gleam in his eyes daring the younger boy to say something. Swallowing thickly Jungwon tore his gaze away from Jake before making his way towards the door, looking back at the other.

“Come on, let’s find a way outta here.” His voice was full of uncertainty but he just tried his best to ignore the red flags and focus on getting out for right now. Jay’s tongue darted out to wet his lips before he nodded and followed Jungwon out of the door, Sunghoon right behind him. Jake was the last out of the room, walking out with his hands stuffed deep in the pockets of his jacket, a smug gleam in his eyes when Jungwon looked back knowing that he had the boy right in the palm of his hand. Jake knew that Jungwon didn’t have the guts to say anything to the rest of the group, not as long as Jake was nearby, and with that information, Jake couldn’t help but feel a thrill of excitement.

It had felt like the six of you had been walking down the dimly lit hallways for hours, and not a single clue or exit was to be found. However, what you did find were cobwebs and roaches, causing a shiver to run down your spine. Looking around, it wasn’t hard to tell that this was a more run-down part of whatever building you were stuck in, most likely the basement.

The air around you was thick with tension, and it was weighing on each of you. However, no one had the guts to break it—at least not until Jungwon saw a broken clock off to the side.

“I wonder how long we’ve been stuck here…” He questions out loud, not to anyone in particular, but Jake glances around.

“Probably most, if not all, of the night,” Jake murmurs as he cringes when another roach scurries in front of his feet. Everything then goes silent once more, much to Jungwon’s dismay.

Before too long they make it to the end of the hallway, dread filling your senses when you saw that it forked off into two separate directions. All of you stop before turning to face one another to come up with a game plan.

“Wouldn’t it be easier to just split up?” Riki suggests from his spot beside you, but you are quick to shake your head, refusing the idea.

“No, we’re not splitting up.” Fear laced your tone causing both Jay and Jungwon to look over at you while Sunghoon nodded his head in agreement.

“I second that; every time we’ve been split up, something bad happens.” Sunghoon explained eyebrows furrowed as he looked between each of you.

Jake, however, steps forward, glancing between you and Sunghoon. " It’ll just take more time if we all stay together.” Riki and Jay nod, knowing that he was right; they would cover more ground if you were to split up.

You start to protest, but Jay turns towards you, cupping your face in his palms, and you look up at him with worry-filled eyes.

“Y/n, love, listen to me.” His voice was soft as he spoke to you, tears involuntarily filling his eyes. “We can split up into two groups and meet back here in thirty minutes. That way, we can cover as much ground as possible in a shorter amount of time.”

You bit your bottom lip to keep the tears that had pooled on your waterline at bay before saying okay. Jay then gives you a soft smile before leaning forward to place a gentle kiss on your forehead. Neither of you caught the look of anger and disgust that flashed across Jake’s face. However, Jungwon once again caught it, causing a chill to run down his spine, worried about what kind of thoughts were running through the older male’s head.

He opens his mouth to voice his concerns, but Jake once more cuts him off before he can get a single word out, “I’ll go with Sunghoon and Jungwon. You take y/n and Jay.”

Jungwon couldn’t help but feel his heart drop, a sense of dread washing over his body, soaking into his bones. More so when everyone agrees to the teams, blissfully unaware of what was happening. Swallowing the lump in his throat Jungwon makes his way over to you, grabbing your hand in his. 

The feeling of paper on your palm made you open your mouth to question the boy, but the look in his eyes told you not to say a word, so you didn’t. He then offers you a small smile before telling you to be safe. You closed your fingers around the paper when he moved his hand away before returning his sentiment and going to stand next to Jay, who had been watching quietly. 

“Alright, we’ll meet back here in thirty. Be safe, all of you.” Jay spoke, pointing to each of the boys on the opposite side of the hall.

Sunghoon nodded, looking over at Jake, then shifted his gaze to Jungwon before meeting Jay's once more, “We will, but the same goes for the three of you.”

With that, the six of you split up once more, walking down opposite sides of the hall, the promise of meeting back in thirty minutes hanging in the air.

Jay notices you uneasy and reaches down to intertwine his fingers with yours, catching your attention. "We’re gonna get out of here, and we’ll be okay,” he whispers softly before pressing a soft kiss on your knuckles.

~

When the three of you made it to an open door, you peeked inside, seeing zero signs of any kind of life, which you weren’t sure you should feel happy or creeped out by. However, when you got inside, you suggested splitting up to look through the shelves and cabinets, to which both boys agreed.

Once you were off to the side of the room and made sure that neither Jay nor Riki were looking you slipped the paper out of your pocket, unfolding it. Your eyes blew wide open as you read the words that Jungwon had hurriedly scribbled on the page.

‘There’s something up with Jake; he’s acting weird, and Sunoo told me that he had seen a knife in his pocket.’

Quickly covering your mouth to muffle the gasp that fell from your lips, you looked up and over to say something to the guys, but then the lights went out, leaving the room pitch black.

You jumped at the sudden change, panic flooding into your mind. Reaching around you, you tried to find some kind of table to stabilize yourself.

“Jay? Riki? Where are you guys?” You called out, fingers gripping the edge of whatever you had grabbed, sure that your knuckles were a ghostly shade of white.

“Y/n? Where are you?” You heard Jay’s voice, and you felt your shoulders relax a bit. You moved to follow where the sound of his voice came from: “Here, follow my voice.”

Then it dawned on you that you never received a response from your brother, causing your heart to start hammering under your ribs.

“Riki, where are you?” you called out again, using your hands to maneuver the space around you. However, just like before, there was no sign of your brother. “Riki now is not the time for one of your little pranks. Where the hell are you?”

Jay had made his way over to you, grabbing your arm softly and causing your body to jolt. "It’s just me.”

You frantically turned your head, trying to see anything in the pitch-dark room. " Do you know where Riki is?” Fear started to wash over you, and you were scared that something had happened to your little brother.

Before Jay could even get the chance to say anything, the lights flashed back on, momentarily blinding the both of you.

Blinking a few times, you let your eyes adjust to the new lighting before you turned your body in every direction, seeing absolutely no sign of your brother. Not only that but the door had been closed and more than likely locked, causing your breath to hitch in your throat as you looked over at Jay with wide, fear-stricken eyes.

“Where’s Riki?” Your voice shook as you frantically looked around the room for any sign of the younger boy; it felt like all of the air was being stolen from your lungs as you ran your fingers through your hair, “Where the fuck is my brother?”

Riki was gone, and you were trapped in yet another room…

@wwooyology | Do not steal, plagiarise, translate, or repost any of my work

𝖉𝖎𝖘𝖈𝖑𝖆𝖎𝖒𝖊𝖗 : ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ ɴᴏ ᴡᴀʏ ᴀ ᴛʀᴜᴇ ʀᴇᴘʀᴇꜱᴇɴᴛᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏꜰ ᴀɴʏ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀꜱ. ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ ᴘᴜʀᴇʟʏ ꜰɪᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴀɴᴅ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏᴍᴇɴᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴏᴛ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴛᴀᴋᴇɴ ꜱᴇʀɪᴏᴜꜱʟʏ.

[itsdrewharrisontoo]

The Vault - Week 18 - Revolving Door

Hey Bunnies! How's everyone doing? This past week was pretty cray for me so I do apologize if we haven't had a bonus story in a while, but I am doing my best to catch up on work and writing in between hospital visits lol but here is this week's story, hope y'all enjoy this one!

Word Count: 1,511

Summary: A woman in labor is stuck between revolving doors!

Author’s Notes/Warnings: MDNI. 18+ only. Contains explicit content involving pregnancy, labor, orgasmic birth, nipple and clitoral stimulation, fluid expulsion, masturbation, public delivery, ambulance delivery, and sexual interaction during childbirth. All participants are adults; all content is consensual.

"Shit. Shitshitshitshit—"

Rae’s breath caught as the contraction speared through her, anchoring her in place halfway through the goddamn revolving door. One knee buckled, her palm slammed against the curved glass, the other bracing low on her belly. The door shuddered behind her, stuck at a standstill. She was too wide to move forward, too pregnant to go back.

“Ma’am?” came a nervous voice from outside.

“Don’t touch the door!” she snapped, voice cracking as she hunched forward. Another wave hit, molten and sharp, and she grunted — loud, ragged. “Ohhh—fuck—don’t move it. Don’t move it, don’t—hnnnnnh—don’t—”

Inside the building, a clerk froze mid-step, latte halfway to her mouth. “Do you—should I call someone—?”

“I’m crowning,” Rae hissed through her teeth. “I am crowning. My baby’s head is in my fucking pants and I can’t get out of this door!”

The pressure was unbearable — thick and low and right there. Her thighs were trembling, spread as far as the panels allowed, the hem of her dress bunched under the curve of her belly. She could feel the bulge pushing down, the burn of skin stretching.

Her hand slid between her legs. Wet. Hot. Slick.

She let out a guttural, panicked moan. “Oh God, his head—his head’s there—fuck, he’s coming, he’s coming now—!”

The security guard pressed a hand to the glass. “Ma’am, do you want me to—”

“Touch that door and I swear I will kill you.”

Another contraction seized her. She doubled over, teeth bared, sobbing through a grinding growl. “Nnnnghhhhh—fuck!—I can’t—no no no no—”

“Okay,” the clerk called from inside, trying to keep calm. “Okay, I’m calling an ambulance, just hang on—”

“No time!” Rae shouted, sweat dripping off her brow. “He’s crowning, do you hear me? I can feel hair—”

She gasped, her fingers slipping past the thick swell of her labia. There it was. Wet. Hard. Round. Her baby’s skull stretching her open as another deep, ripping contraction bore down.

She screamed until her throat felt raw… 

"—hhhhaaaAAAAHHHH—!"

The door creaked with her weight, body braced between unforgiving glass and solid frame. Her heels scrambled for traction. Her hips twisted just enough to keep pressure off the baby’s head.

"Push," she whispered to herself. “I gotta p-puuusssshhhnngggghhh— "

Outside, someone yelled for towels. Inside, someone else was crying. But all Rae could hear was the blood rushing in her ears — and the thunder of her body splitting open as the widest part of the head emerged.

A sickening, slick pop followed by loud obscene moan

"—HNNNnnnghhh—hhhhaahh—oh fffffuckkkk—!"

The head was out.

Stuck there between her thighs, cradled in her trembling hand.

"Okay, okay," she panted, forehead against the glass. "One more. Just—one mooooooooorrrrrrnnnnghh…."

----

Hope you enjoyed this excerpt!

If you love what you read and want even more, consider joining The Preggo Fantasy Vault! For just $5 a month, you get a brand-new, original birth story every Saturday, plus exclusive bonus stories every now and then, meaning you’re getting way more than four exclusive stories a month—stories you won’t find anywhere else. 

So, if you’ve been on the fence, now is the perfect time to join! Let’s make this space even bigger, better, and filled to the brim with the fantasies we love.

Thank you all again—here’s to more stories, more milestones, and maybe… more babies? 😉

Much love, Drew

[possumcollege]

I love the way physical proximity and touch is used in Andor.

(the following contains spoilers)

Rebel characters are often so close together, familiar. They hug, they huddle, they touch. It's not unusual for them to be shoulder-to-shoulder when skulking around. Their locations are intimate, by nature of their need to hide, but most settings appear open, communal, familial. Their clothes are softer, weathered, textured, lived-in.

The Imperial world is much more strictly regimented, isolated, and physical separation highlights their hierarchy. Rank confers the right to breech that barrier but physical separation is the cultural norm. Officers have sterile secure office cells. Their uniforms are stiff, crisp. Their soldiers are armored.

The Imperial prison is an encapsulation of how the Empire sees people. They are acquired at the Empire's leisure, only allowed to gather in order to produce, then get stored in their little styrofoam packing blocks. Prisoners are conditioned to see eachother as competition, or as threats to their own eventual freedom. They are only rewarded with flavor in their feeding tubes. Attempts to gather, coordinate, escape, or move freely are brutally punished. Entire blocks of prisoners are disposable. Touch is purely incidental or punitive.

Rebel locations and places free of direct Imperial oversight are much different. Ferrix is built up and urban, but it has a very culturally fluid structure. People brush past eachother in the narrow streets, they work closely in the shipyards, they come and go from eachother's homes. The camp on Aldhani has no significant doors or walls. It fits the nomadic culture of they're trying to blend in with, but it also puts the team on the same plane. They may not all share 100% of the information, but they are all exposed to the same threats and depend on eachother. The same can be said of the base on Yavin. It's a sprawling complex, but the marshal yards, supply areas, living quarters are not enclosed. The only real separation is the chamber where leaders meet but we see many other characters have access to it. Cassian's place on Yavin has no doors or interior walls. The exterior walls aren't solid. It's more psychological shelter than secure position.

Conversely, The Empire's backbone is pure authority. The structure keeps the machine rolling and the pieces need to be kept apart to minimize friction, maximise compartmentalization, and make people easier to monitor or replace. The most memorable scenes of Imperial characters touching someone else are aggressive and disturbing. Closeness is an enemy of order. Depersonalization is almost a prerequisite for advancement.

This theme of closeness and separation is really highlighted when these modes change. When Rebel characters are alone, it's usually to protect the rest of the alliance, and when they isolate themselves, it's tragic. When Imperial characters are alone it's usually because they're being played as pawns or they've screwed up. When they make contact, it's almost always threatening.

The Rebels need to trust and have faith in eachother because their connections are their greatest strength. The highest ranking rebel leaders are not as insulated from direct threats as Imperial officers. Isolated rebel characters are removed from the very lifeblood of their cause, eachother. When they touch it usually reinforces their bonds. We are meant to see that the compartmentalization necessary for secrecy is extremely taxing for many of them. Closeness and intimacy are a sacrifice to the cause of freedom.

Even at their most amicable, Syril and Dedra's physical relationship is awkward. I get the impression that, thanks to their upbringing, and professional culture, neither of them understands how to perform affection. We can tell there is a desire for it but it isn't accessible to them. Because of this, their affectionate interactions still read like power plays or secret transgressions. It's shocking when we see Syril grip Dedra by the throat on Ghorman because it violates their personal relationship, their established dynamic, and every cultural norm Dedra is used to. This contact is the result of a breech between them, a collapse, and an outpouring of emotion between two people whose primary motivation is order. Syril's entire conception of the purpose of authority and his relationship implodes into a white-hot point of anger, leaving both feeling frightened and betrayed.

The fight between Syril and Cassian is an extension of this, with Syril pouring all of his grief and rage into an explosion of physical violence. For Syril, his relationship with this man is personal, intimate, and the systems that were supposed to resolve it have turned to ash. The law didn't share his sense of justice and dedication. The Empire (and as far as he knows, Dedra) exploited his sense of duty, using him as a tool to exterminate an entire population. His mother can't even treat him like a whole person. In that moment of crisis on Ghorman all he has is physical contact. He focuses all the rage of his isolation and insignificance on Cassian's face, only to learn that the one man who is responsible for the most important years of his life doesn't even know who he is. He devoted his life to causes that repeatedly reward him with total erasure.

When Krennic confronts Dedra in the interrogation room, his initial touch is more unsettling to her than anything he says. She expects to be grilled and raked over the coals, but she doesn't expect contact. In their world, contact is something that happens to other people. To be touched by the Empire is usually an act of subjugation, domination, and violence. For that to land literally on top of her head is terrifying. The initial contact is also incredibly demeaning and immediately tells her that she is no longer respected or safe. She is no longer on the distribution side of violence. A sentiment further ground in when he grabs her by the head. Her service to the Empire evaporates and she's reduced to nothing more than a violation of security protocols.

Luthen and Mon Mothma are great example of these themes because they must present acceptable fronts to the Empire in order to undermine it. Their physical and social spaces are simultaneously very open and controlled, intimate but largely performative. Their minds are their only truly personal spaces.

Mon's home is very spacious with few interior doors. The people inside move about and easily come into contact. Her clothes are orderly, intricate, and sculptural, but open backs and necklines portray a vulnerability and intentional exposure, unlike the high, stiff "protect your neck" style Imperial uniforms.

Luthen's shop is open, presumably, to the public but the objects on display that distract and attract also act as a subtle sort of barrier, like his public persona. Luthen uses his gregarious image to get closer to positions of power. All of his garish layers and lighthearted mannerisms make his priorities seem obvious and frivolous.

Luthen is nonthreatening to the Empire because he performs the distance of a dilletante, in service of himself. Mon maintains her position by participating in the arms-length business of public diplomacy. The Empire only suspects her as much as any other senator because they ultimately know the senate has no teeth to bare against them. She's one voice among thousands.

It's appropriate that each representative in that senate is isolated in their own little floating dog-bowl. They're all in the same room, but they are still physically isolated within that space. The space of each little pod can easily render a person very small and exposed in the face of the assembly looming over them.

It draws a lot of parallels to historic controls of proximity and touch to shape society, reinforce authority, breed privilege, and crush dissent. There are times when all we have is eachother. Depriving is of that is such an act of calculated cruelty. I really appreciate how well the show uses these themes to humanize the characters on both sides of the conflict and illustrate how fundamentally dehumanizing an authoritarian empire is.

[wowyoulikeflowers]

headcanons pt. 3:

featuring a lot of solangelo and some sprinkling of others

will solace is mean. he doesn't show it bc he's a chronic people pleaser and feels he can never live up to the standards placed on him (by him, but he won't admit it). around nico, lou Ellen, and Cecil? he's the cuntiest person you'll meet. he can shit talk for days, and they all find it hilarious. the first time he does it in front of nico, nico genuinely gets light headed because he's so attracted to will. will won't do it in front of most people, and especially not his siblings because he wants to be the best big brother possible, so that's how you know he fully trusts you.

nico calls hazel 'sis', but not because of the whole ~authors or people not knowing how actual siblings interact~ type deal. it's his subtle way of reminding and reassuring hazel that she's his sister, not a replacement for Bianca or someone he takes for granted, and instead someone he loves and acknowledges as his flesh and blood.

nico is a quick learner and becomes rather accustomed to 21st century life very easily. however, he hides how adept he is to make other people do things for him--specifically percy and leo. he finds it funny to make percy run around or explain the same concept a million times, and loves the twitch in leo's eye when he incorrectly references things.

clarisse, even though she's no longer residing there, will sporadically visit camp throughout the year. a solid 85% of the time, she's whipping the Ares cabin into shape and making sure sherman isn't slacking off as counselor. the remaining 15% is spread out as follows: 9% visiting with mellie and coach, 4% helping nico force self-care onto will, and 2% catching up with other campers (unless percy is also visiting, and then it's a solid 50/50 shot of her yelling at cabin 5 or him).

I like the headcanons of percy being genderfluid cause water is fluid, but personally, I think the idea of him just not caring about his pronouns fits best. like, for starters, water will move to fit into any shape at someone's discretion, so if someone refers to percy using she/her, she'll just shrug and move on. they/them just gets a nod. he doesn't care and actually finds it really fun, especially when fucking with bigots and they try to purposefully misgender him but can't.

this is probably obvious, but although nico portrays an outer 'idgaf' attitude about his relationship with will, and even initially argues against being called his bf, nico is internally squealing everytime he's in the same vicinity as will. like, 10-year-old nico realizing who mr. d is freaking out bc he's so excited and happy. he just, personally, finds the term boyfriend weird.

percy has 100% made the joke that "i guess chivalry really is dead" after watching nico do something for will. he does it regularly, and leo gets in on it, too.

I've written about this in my story flowers are essential to courting, but the apollo kids biologically wake up with the sun, though that doesn't mean they are morning people and like it. they're capable of taking naps, but when the sun rises, they're up.

this is basically canon, but frank is the type of guy to forget his size. like, how big dogs think they're lap dogs? that's frank. he'll accidentally end up scaring campers/random mortals and will wonder what he did and go through every possible reason before someone else points out that he's simply twice the size of the other and 85% muscle.

[makingfanfictionstosleep]

Tainted

Cult-Geto x FemReader. Dark themed. Mature. Explicit

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

Eight.

The steam curled around you like smoke, heavy with heat and anticipation. You were still trembling from the overwhelming sensation of your release, your back pressed against the slick wall, your breath shallow and uneven. Then he towered over you—close, solid, powerful, smirking as he wiped your juices off his lips with his thumb. Every inch of his body radiated dominance, but the way his hand rested on your waist was tender. Possessive and territorial.

Geto’s breath was hot against your ear, his voice low and dangerous. “You drive me mad, you know that?”

You didn’t have time to respond. His movements were fluid, turning you once more that your palms are flat against the wall, he guided you gently but firmly, aligning you with his body. The moment was overwhelming: the sensation of water cascading over your skin, the heat of his chest against your back, the firmness of his hands grounding you.

And then—he moved.

Your breath caught.

He slowly sheaths himself inside you, inch by agonizing inch. He revels in the way your body responds, the way it betrays you even as your mind tries to resist.

It was a slow, claiming rhythm that made your knees buckle, each thrust a claiming, a possession. He caught you instantly, strong arms keeping you steady against the wall, as if he had no intention of letting you escape. His pace was unhurried, focused entirely on the way your body responded to him. You felt every subtle shift of muscle, every low groan he let slip against your neck, and the deep hum of approval – a sound that is dark and primal, when your body arched back into his touch.

He's learning you, mapping your responses, committing them to memory. He wants to know your body better than you know yourself. He wants to own your pleasure, your pain, your very existence.

The sounds of the shower couldn’t drown out the melody of skin against skin, breath against breath, heartbeat against heartbeat.

He knows he's breaking you, remaking you in his image with each deliberate thrust. He leans in, his breath hot against your ear, "Your body knows who it belongs to," he murmurs, "Even if your mind hasn't fully accepted it yet." He pulls back, his hips rolling in a slow, hypnotic rhythm.

He whispered your name like a prayer and a promise all at once.

Geto picks up the pace, his thrusts becoming more forceful. He groans as he’s driving into you, each movement a statement of possession. He wants to bury himself so deep inside you that you'll never be free of him, until he has imprinted himself on your soul.

You felt him grip your hips, his fingers digging into your flesh hard enough to bruise – marking you, claiming you, making you his. He leans in, his teeth grazing your neck. He bites down, sucking hard, leaving a visible mark and he’ll keep doing that so that the world to see that you belong to him.

He wants everyone to know that you're his possession, his toy, his plaything. He's using you, consuming you, destroying you and rebuilding you in his image. He's turning you into his perfect little fuck doll, and he's loving every minute of it.

And when he finally slowed, keeping you pressed close, both of you gasping and trembling beneath the downpour, you felt it—the storm he’d stirred inside you settling into something warm and consuming.

Like the world had melted away, and all that was left was you and him.

It was overwhelming—everything. The heat, the water, the pressure of his body against yours, and most of all, the storm of sensations you had never experienced until now. This was another first. Another line crossed. And just like your wedding night, he was the one guiding you—devouring every reaction, every sound, every trembling breath you offered him like fragile gifts.

You clung to the wall, to the steady rhythm of his hands, his chest pressed firmly to your back, the sound of his voice in your ear. It felt like your world had narrowed down to this single moment, and your thoughts scattered under the weight of it.

You didn’t understand how something could feel so intense, so consuming, yet so achingly intimate. He wasn’t just taking your body—he was marking you with something deeper. Something darker.

Geto’s thoughts were nothing short of obsessive. As his eyes roamed your bare skin, as he felt your body yield to him so perfectly, he knew—he owned you now. Not just in name or ritual, but in the way you gasped for him, the way your form melted into his hands, the way your soul seemed to answer his.

“Mine,” he thought, his grip tightening possessively on your waist. “All of her is mine. Her breath. Her voice. Her heart. Her power. Her body.”

There was no part of you he would not claim. He wanted to bury himself in every part of your life—your thoughts, your dreams, your fears. You had been a gift wrapped in tradition, delivered by fate, and now… now he was unwrapping you slowly, deliberately, and he had no intention of ever letting go.

He whispered low against your ear, his voice raw with emotion and hunger, “You don’t know what you’ve done to me.”

You felt it too—that tether. Binding. Irrevocable.

You didn’t have the words to speak, only the rising tide of emotion that flooded your chest, threatening to overflow.

And as he pressed a final kiss to your shoulder, keeping you wrapped in his warmth under the cascade of water, you realized something terrifying: you were falling—fast, deep, and helplessly into the arms of a man whose love burned with the dangerous heat of obsession.

Even after the water stopped running and your body was gently dried, the warmth that lingered wasn’t from the bath—it was from him. From the way he looked at you, as though you were a sacred offering and he, the only one worthy of receiving it. You were bare in more ways than one now. He had peeled back your layers, touched places no one else had, not just on your skin but in your mind.

He hadn’t just taken your body. He had started rewriting how you thought, how you felt.

“You’re mine now,” Geto had whispered earlier—not just with lust, but with certainty, as though it was a law written into the universe.

It echoed in your head long after. Mine. Mine. Mine.

He didn’t need to say it constantly. He didn’t have to. It was in the way he touched you like you were delicate and owned. In the way he looked at you not with affection—but with possession.

And despite how overwhelmed you were, how small you felt beneath the intensity of his attention, you remembered your mother’s teachings: A good wife is obedient. A good wife satisfies her husband’s every need. A good wife devotes herself fully.

You had tried to live up to those teachings. But no one had warned you how it would feel to be devoured slowly by someone whose love felt more like chains than affection.

And Geto? He played into it perfectly. He praised your obedience, gently scolding your hesitation. He treated every one of your reactions—your silence, your flushed cheeks, your trembling hands—not as resistance but as proof of your innocence… your purity. And therefore, his right to mold you.

There was something terrifying in how patient he was. He never raised his voice. Never forced anything. But he always guided you—always led you to where he wanted you. With smiles. With praise. With that voice dipped in dark velvet.

“I want you to think of me,” he said that night, when you were curled in his arms, exhausted. “When you wake up. When you eat. When you sleep. I want to be the first and last thing in your thoughts. Always.”

It didn’t feel like a request. It felt like a command wrapped in sugar.

And though part of you still fought to make sense of it—of him—you knew something deep was changing. That your heart, your mind, your very self... was slowly being tethered to him.

And Geto? He smiled every time he saw it happen.

Every time your eyes lingered too long. Every time you obeyed too quickly. Every time you hesitated but still followed his lead.

He was winning. Not by force.

But by making you believe it was love.

[calliecwrites]

Shifter HRT, part 1 – Egg, Cracked

So you want to be a shifter? You’ve read about humanity replacement therapy, or species HRT, but can’t find anything about the shifter version? You’re scared, you’re worried this isn’t the path for you, but part of you wants it more than anything?

You’re not alone. I’ve been there. I’m still there. And I’ve taken the first steps. Tomorrow I have my first appointment, though not with a doctor, and if all goes well, by this time tomorrow, I’ll have taken my first dose.

I’m writing this so you’ll have it easier than I did. Also, I want there to be a record, in case something happens to me. I’m not exactly doing this the traditional way.

* * *

I’ve known what I wanted to be since I knew shifters existed. Everything I heard about them – being fluid, shapeshifting – felt right. I started imagining myself as one. If you’re reading this, you probably know how that feels.

I hid it. Even as a kid, I knew people wouldn’t react well to what went on in my head. You’re not supposed to relate to monsters.

Then things got complicated when I realised I was trans. I told myself that wanting to be a shifter was all about wanting to fix my body, since being able to shapeshift would make that easy. I certainly did want that – but I’d imagined myself as a shifter since long before then. I’d imagined being able to change myself in many other ways, before transition became the most important thing. And after transition, so much was better, but that longing didn’t go away.

This isn’t a contradiction. Fixing one thing, even the most urgent thing, like I did, doesn’t automatically fix everything. But I was in denial. I’d transitioned (once); everything was supposed to be fine, now. I told myself the rest was a fantasy.

Then I heard about species HRT. I read about someone becoming a slime – and that did something to me. Slimes are fluid, and so are shifters. Shifters are slime-adjacent, for sure. Maybe this wasn’t just a fantasy. Maybe it could be real.

I’m not in denial anymore. Egg cracked. Time to transition again.

* * *

Were there signs? Oh yes, there were signs.

Nimona. Mystique. Slime girls. The Changelings. And when a character says no solid could ever understand, feeling it like a punch to the gut. Wanting to understand.

Wanting to fly, wanting to swim. Wondering what it’s like to be huge, or tiny, or a tree, or a rock. Wanting to be everything. Fluidity. Freedom. Flowing and pooling, wanting to be a blob of goo with no form at all.

Learning to phantom-sense extra limbs. Being a shifter in daydreams. Learning to lucid dream so I could learn to shapeshift in there. Still being sad because it could only ever be an approximation.

Sitting by the lake, longing to merge with the water and lose myself for a while. Wishing it wasn’t water, but other shifters, welcoming.

Sometimes want isn’t the word at all, but need.

And there are people who can actually do these things, and I can’t? How is that fair? What sort of world has shifters in it and I’m not one?

Sound familiar?

I read everything I can find about them. Not stories written by humans – those aren’t accurate. Most are just sex, or all about fear and hunger and absorption. Shifters don’t absorb people! – it’s their biggest taboo. I read stories shifters write for themselves – and I can’t get enough. Just don’t look in the comments: you’ve got humans calling them monsters, telling them what they should go do to themselves – and a few brave shifters saying how much the stories mean to them. Sometimes the stories disappear, but they always come back.

‘Fluid as the ocean, wild as the wind, and cannot be contained.’ That’s a thing they say about themselves. That should be me.

I don’t comment, don’t interact – hiding, remember? But the stories mean so much to me, too. They’re a window onto how my life could be. I tried to tell myself this was just a sex thing for a while – more denial. There are plenty other stories I could read, if that was all I wanted. But that isn’t what I imagine when I imagine shifters, or even shifter sex. I imagine being one.

Haters would call me a traitor to my own species. They’d call me sick, mentally ill, monsterfucker, monster. Like I haven’t heard all that before for being trans. I want to tell them I’m nothing like them, that they can keep their precious humanity if this is what it looks like – but I don’t dare. I’m too afraid: what if they’re right? I know what I want to be, I know what I should be, but I look at my body and think: this is what I am, fixed, solid, human. I can’t do anything about it, no matter what I am on the inside, no matter how much I hate it. And this is familiar, too – I felt the same way before my first transition. Trapped as something I hated being. Powerless.

* * *

Except, now, there is something I can do about it.

No doctors prescribe shifter HRT – unlike for other species. The only source is the few shifters who figured out how to make it. They keep it tightly controlled, so they can control who gets it. They want to make sure we meet their standards – that we’re shifter enough. I don’t like that. But other people, who want to make it freely available, haven’t figured out how to make it yet.

I’m not waiting for them, not now that I’ve decided. I couldn’t. I could die – accidents happen, after all. How would I feel, knowing I was dying human, still wondering what it would have been like? Never really having been me? No. I’m not waiting.

So I got in touch, and I spoke to one of them online. She arranged the appointment, and now she’s flying in – and I’m pretty sure that means as a bird, not on a plane. All I have to do is convince her. Tomorrow determines everything. If it goes well, I’ll be starting right away.

I still can’t quite believe it. It feels too good to be true. But it is. It really is. It was the same before – I couldn’t believe anything would change till I took my first dose of estrogen. Sometimes reason isn’t enough, planning isn’t enough, sometimes it takes direct contradiction to break the hold a belief like that can have on me. I’ll never take hormones, meet I am now taking hormones. Suddenly I see I was wrong, and there is hope again.

And tomorrow it’s going to happen again. Hopefully. Finally.

And then I really won’t be human.

Next

I'm doing one of these now too! Inspired by the many other animal HRT stories, especially the two slime HRT series by @sandyca5tle and @scrubbinn. In the beginning it's drawing a lot on my own transition, but will be going very different places.

If you want to read more without waiting for the rest of the series, take a look at my other stories – shifters turn up in lots of them.

Oh and that list of signs? They're all real :)

Tag list (tell me if you want to be added):

@leahnardo-da-veggie @sandyca5tle @scrubbinn

[memphishing]

Do you have kinjomae fever / evil ass super flu that causes your brain to become smooth headcanons

WOOO ASKS ABOUT SICKFIC TYPE THING LETS GOOOO- these are one of my favorite types of hurt/comfort and i’ve always wanted to write one but, could never settle on a solid idea… ask is the next best thing tho!

(Tw for Tsurugi’s, it has some kinda heavy child abuse topics and it’s framed like the bullet points of something i’d write)

Yuki

-he wakes up with his eyes practically being glued shut and feeling like ass, and it only takes about two seconds for his nap loving ass (i will die for the hc that he’s a great sleep appreciator, circa him just napping through free time whenever player decides not to interact for ftes) to resign. he’s like “i should go to school…. actually no… i don’t care. there are no words to describe how little i care. imma sleep again” utsuro moment.

-his phone is vibrating nonstop but he’s too freakin conked out to notice it. tsurugi has noticed yuki’s absence and gets steadily more worried about it.

-assuming we’re in my established kinjomae non kg land, they share an apartment and such, he probably just has the mindset that yuki will do his own thing and ask if he needs help. he trusts him to be open like that- yuki’s usually very communicative about things, but that makes it even more odd that he’s flat out not responding.

-so against his better judgement and academic prowess, he heads home halfway through the school day to find yuki… still in bed. only he’s sweltering hot, heart palpitating and looks absolutely awful.

-kinjo almost freezes up, considering emergency medical care but he reconsiders it after a couple vital checks. with a sigh, he picks yuki up because he’s gotten in the habit of just lugging this stupid guy around bridal style, taking him downstairs and to the couch so he can have a better grasp on the situation and the stakes.

-he does his best not to wake him, bustling about. in the middle of his preparations, he gets a call from kisaragi, and ends up being coached by kisaragi. thing is, with all the things he’s describing, yuki might be reaaally out of it when he wakes up. kisaragi offers to stay on the line just in case tsurugi is overwhelmed, but he declines and hangs up just as yuki starts to actually wake up.

-and yeah, nope, he stands up and nearly falls the fuck over and breaks his glass utsuro bones. tsurugi is on even higher alert, reprimanding him right away. yuki stares into his soul, straight eye contact, for like ten straight seconds. tsurugi hates this eye contact. he’s getting a bit squeamish when after like, twenty seconds of lag, yuki mentions that he probably skipped his alarm.

-thankfully, yuki is sleepy as all hell, so he mostly just drifts in and out of consciousness while tsurugi monitors his vitals and fluid intake and other stupid shit and such. but eventually he’s not tired anymore, and so kinjo has to deal with him. he doesn’t want yuki to have to focus on the fact that he feels like ass, so hesitantly suggests they play, what… one of his favorite games? that always lifts his spirits.

-they play wii mario kart with very questionable controllers. yuki is yoshi and tsurugi goes for his mii, but yuki whines at him, saying that would be boring. normally he wouldn’t want to be a silly stupid game character, but right now it’s the least he can do. yuki gets all giggly and suggests he should be ludwig because ‘you look like him!’ and tsurugi can’t really see the resemblance despite the fact yuki is laughing his ass off now at tsurugi genuinely trying his best to see how tf he looks like this turtle creature

-yuki keeps fucking up the buttons and forgetting how to drift, he gets very grumbly about it. however tsurugi has just won a mario kart race for the first time in his life, he’s a little proud, even if it’s a dirty victory. yuki thinks about that for a second before announcing he’s proud of him too, even if they got 11th and 12th.

-the lucky student wants ramen for lunch but tsurugi is concerned that would be dehydrating. so he goes around putting a proper salad together while yuki has the 🥺 expression of a woman who lost her husband to the war. he eats like two leaves, distracts tsurugi and tries a tactical maneuver to the kitchen to make his own ramen. he just ends up tossing spaghetti noodles in a pan and staring blankly at them, waiting for Magic.

-tsurugi is………. ok maybe that’s a LITTLE amusing. but yeah, he gets the point. so he makes this asshole his ramen, but dumps some protein powder in there too or something.

-later in the day, tsurugi leaves to go get homework and for work. he’s hesitant if yuki will be okay, but yuki just reassures him he can have any other friend come over if something bad happens. plus, his mind is more clear than it was earlier. that enough assuages him, but even so he finds himself unable to focus while on duty.

-the next day, tsurugi, haru, and satsuki are sneezing up a storm in class. yuki is the most energetic and well rested he’s been in his damn life.

Tsurugi

-his situation would probably be the cumulation of many smaller symptoms that he ignored over a long period of time.

-wakes up feeling like actual death but tries not to focus on it much. he tries to just go to work as normal, because of course he does.

-yuki has to basically tie him to the couch, because of course he does. it takes a lot of convincing- tsurugi in his delirium is even more blindly focused on his weird ass moral compass, probably forgets he has a boyfriend or what he’s even doing, he just has to Enact Justice or SOMEthing. he has to point some guns at some criminals, that’s the bottom line of it, and other such autopilot things. at the end of the day yuki basically clings to his leg and is yelling “STAAAAAY PLSPLSPLSPLSPLSPLS-“

-maybe he can smack him with a “PEG ME!” to make kinjo stop and startle enough for yuki to efficiently drag him.

-yuki puts that bitch in an absolute snuggie. you know one of those onesie blanket things? that. kinjo’s sweating but absolutely frigid, so yuki pulls it out of his one closet. it’s a stupid looking ladybug one (but also very cute)… (and probably sensory friendly!) tsurugi barely notices it because he’s just that damn out of it, actual space man meme. but give him an hour or so, yuki would have the FULL layout. campbell mushroom soup heated over the stove. some green tea with about two drops of honey. three blankets. the whole shebang.

-yuki opts to stay home from school just to vibe with him. tsurugi is silent most of the time. he feels like absolute ass, but he refuses to complain at all, so it’s up to yuki to guess what exactly he wants. at the end of it all, they cuddle together on the couch.

-tsurugi looks up at him and vaguely grumbles that he’s going to get him sick. yuki shrugs it off. ‘nah, i’d win’ type thing. either way, that’s not important to him right now. and tsurugi isn’t satisfied with that, but he’s also mentally dead and extremely sleepy and dammit, being held like this will never not be the best thing ever. so he just kinda vibes on yuki, half asleep.

-yuki is in bliss with this situation. ladybug onesie bf in arm, watching brainrot youtube shorts on his phone and skipping school. absolute bliss

-they cannot be happy for long tho

-juu would absolutely not accept a pathetic excuse for not turning up to work like ‘being sick’ and other such related nonsense. if tsurugi is physically incapacitated, there’s plenty of things to do at the station relating to intelligence. if he’s mentally incapacitated, patrols and physical ventures in the company of other officers are fine. if he’s both… what kind of police officer finds himself in a situation like this, without even the barest 24 hour notice? it’s unbefitting of a kinjo, of his son.

-i base this answer a lot off of Just_Sonika’s very similar sickfic to this idea, here it is! https://archiveofourown.org/works/45709195/chapters/115028656 all credits to them for inspiring my headcanon response here, though i have a slightly different spin on the concept ofc.

-so, juu turns up to their apartment, who is a VERY unwelcome visitor by yuki. yuki almost slams the door on his face, but gets very fucking nervous when he remembers juu is the chief officer of freaking tokyo, so has no choice but to let him in.

-juu has an agenda to try and talk to tsurugi. yuki very much does not want that to fucking happen right now of all times, and while he still doesn’t understand the depths of how awful this man was as a parent (tsurugi has been opening up to him, but very slowly) that makes it all the scarier that he’s just… in their house.

-he’s pretty much powerless here and can’t do anything much as juu lambasts a still groggy tsurugi for not being there for work. why is he slacking? does he not care about his previous convictions? does he not CARE about protecting innocents? without a word, not even a CALL to him, he’s neglecting his one purpose in life in the most vile way possible. tsurugi is overwhelmed by the onslaught so suddenly, and he still can’t think properly. but this mental state is the perfect gateway is for something very fucking unusual. he gets FURIOUS at juu, yelling back at him that it shouldn’t be the end of the world if he doesn’t show up on duty for a day, what if he feels like absolute death, he would be more inefficient that way, but his father doesn’t care- no, juu is deluded- the more time apart he spends from him, the more awful he realizes he is! and juu needs to leave him the hell alone!

-yuki is about to cheer for him before he hears the sound of a harsh impact and his heart SINKS. juu has clocked him across the face for the backtalk, leaving tsurugi stunned and unable to say anything more. he’s just about to drag him to the station regardless when

-THWACK THWACK THWACK THWACK. yuki has had enough of this bullshit, HE HAS A BROOM AND IS SMACKING THIS MAN WITH THE BACK OF IT. get out of our house NOW, he demands, standing in front of tsurugi like a knight with a sword even though he’s a weak ass twink and the sword is a broom. juu is unamused, but realizes he doesn’t want to deal with this right now. he’ll deal with tsurugi properly next time he comes to work. and so he leaves, the two of them in shock.

-yuki’s angry mask fades after about two seconds and he’s practically autotune baby crying with concern, latching onto tsurugi and demanding if he’s ok, who’s still stunned silent. of all the days to get treated like shit by his stupid awful dad, it should not have been like this! he feels really powerless as he hugs him and just tries to think of how the hell he’s gonna solve this situation.

-after that, tsurugi isn’t quite as receptive to his efforts to take care of him, and just ends up going to sleep in his room for the rest of the day. yuki paces around, restless. he can’t just put up with some man who treats his child like this over ONE skipped day of work. but what does he have besides his luck? not much…

-with a heavy sigh, he dials up kakeru, chomping on his lip as he listens to the ringing.

-“h…hello? yuki?”

-“…i think i need your help with something.”

[battery-enthusiast]

I would like to know the OC info -🗡️

HI SWORD ANon ! ! waving ! !

context. before i just , copy and paste everything we wrote : it was originally something for a personal project , but ended up being a forsaken oc simultaneously ? ?

long story short of his personal lore ; basic ass guy (neutral)/deity simply exists . and causes general issues for its creation ,, , anyways. under the cut is just , everything from our notes app copied nd pasted

i fear i have not proofread this. please tell me if anythings fucked up lmao

> initial rant/brain dump for concepts

I WAS THINKING ABOUT USING I5 AS A ROBLOX AVATAR AGAIN , WHILEPLAYING FORSAKEN WHICH?? KINDA GAVE ME THE IDEA TO PUT HIM INTO FORSAKEN AS AN OC ????

WHICH, WOULD MAKE SENSE, ESPECIALLY SINCE IT WAS *ORIGINALLY* SOLELY A ROBLOX OC . SO MAYBE ??? LIKE SHED ??? IT COULD BE AN ADMIN OR SOMTN THAT ENDED UP STUCK ????

BUT THAT GOT M E ONTO DESIGJS ,,,, , hear me out , , whatif it was originally FROM The Projects(™/joke), realmhopping or whatever, and ended up in roblox at the worst time?? and while it was THERE, it had more of an ai sentience (since its not entirely alive alrea6y!!!!!) , hence a robot(ish) BODY⁉️⁉️⁉️ like. its abdomen is wires and circuitry, but it looks like?? a projection maybe?? as though hes not, physically there, albeit it is . i dontknow if that makes sense but we BALL

BUT THINKING ABOUT ABILITIES . maybe. maybe it has a gui (similar to n7!!!), but could rather heal itself/others twice , and fling the killer a few studs away !!!!!

> appearance / dmg correlation

THE LOWER ITS HEALTH WOULD GET IN A ROUND, THE MORE WIRES WOULD EXPOSE/THE GLITCHER ITS APPEARANCE WOULD CHANGE , PLAYING FURTHER INTO THE AI /ROBOT THING . siiiince it's body is still artificial, it's inhuman - which, obviously leads to a LOT of flaws

100 — 80 : normal

79 — 50 : just a few small binary things pop up

49 — 20 : half of the face is probably fucked up?? like , bugging between wires and code

19 — 0 : no solid appearance,, it kinda bugs out between different people's appearances and its own, alongside random limbs glitching to just code or wires or whatever

> interactions with others.....shudders

it probably reall y wants others to believe it IS just an ai bot, or something along those lines, because. fucking imagine being THE god and getting trapped in a fucking time loop (L +ratio). that wouldnt4be very fun to explain??

so obviously it keeps like , a fairly monotone voice or whatever, trying to keep its movements either EXTREMELY stiff or EXTREMELY fluid. no in-between

- definitely slips up a few times..theres no way he wouldn't?? like, it'll sometimes fuck up and say something ENTIRELY outside of the persona it set for himself

- occasionally, when at too low health, its appearance will switch back to what it ACTUALLY looks like (roblox and normal appearance differ), although not normally long enough to notice

- will very rarely make references/hints to its existence prior, occasionally mentioning damien, atlas, haven, etc, covering it up by saying its just a story he's working on/creating

- mark will , very rarely , throw things out into the open, expecting them to levitate like they did in haven (only to end up falling flat on the ground, confusing the people around it)

- it has!!! major consistency issues!!! whatever story it tells a survivor, it likely fucks it up when telling it to the next.

^ written by marsh, a day or two ago (eeeverything above. including the original ramble)

> relationships, ,

1337 ; he distrusts it, doesn't think marks truthful

— mark doesn't like him either

shedletsky ; thinks it's funny company, although never understood why its always happy

— mark enjoys being around him, although he's a tad scared of the former admin (believes he , of all people, would probably figure it out the quickest)

builderman ; neutral

— neutral

elliot ; doesn't mind being around it, although he doesn't entirely believe its act (due to its inconsistent tone, movements, etc)

— oblivious to his suspicions, thinks elliot is fine to be around

two time ; suspicious of mark, but still hangs around it anyways, figuring any company is better than none

— mark thinks their devotion/loyalty to the spawn is amusing, believes theyre funny to be around

noob ; likes mark , but he likes most people

— enjoys his company

chance ; neutral

— thinks his addiction is unhealthy. tries to help, but ultimately gives up. neutral

007n7 ; neutral

— neutral. wants to help n7 understand that ck IS his son, but due to n7 being in denial about it, it just doesn't bother dealing with him

dusekkar ; neutral (idk enough about them)

— neutral . pumpkin guy funny llmao

taph ; thinks its weird, doesn't enjoy being around it

— doesn't bother talking with them, mostly due to not knowing sign language and whatnot

mutual dislike with killers

————

> normal vers stuff/notes

> personality notes ! ! !

- VERY prominent attachment issues. the entire reason it even made life in the first place was because it needed something to hold onto, to be around

- personality issues (i think specifically bpd, but i don't want to just, label it without looking into it further)

- favorite person is dierdre by a LANDSLIDE. it doesn't even like him romantically, everything is platonic (< incapable of feeling proper romantic attraction). it absolutely obsesses over him i fear

- maaaajoor mood swings. will be over the moon happy one moment, and the next freaking out over smtn

- ^ normally fairly happy though? it tends to shut off other major emotions as to not self sabotage itself or other close relations (lux, cas, etc)

- ^ following up on that. again. it shuts itself out a loloooott , leading to frequent outbursts, and sometimes entire breakdowns due to ignoring its emotional needs, fixating on what needs to be done instead

- its fairly selfish, prone to unintentional favoring itself over others (ALTHOUGH trying to fix said issue)

- ^ !!! it tends to not realize a lot of what it does is considered bad, nor harmful, as it was never taught anything otherwise!!!!

- mark put dierdre through absolute hell and back solely because it didnt realize what it was doing, how he was suffering, nor that it was even bad

> habits and whatnot

- it tends to consistently forget what it was working on, leading it to starting a NEW project and forgetting about the others momentarily, before getting bored of that one, scrapping it, and repeating

- it made sav to COMBAT this, only to get caught up in talking with them (mmmainly about damian. coughs), but, after awhile, sav actually started doing what was needed, and began regulating things, storing things where needed, planning, etc

- i wrote it before, but it still is a habit --- it tends to just, shut down on occasion when things get too frustrating, overwhelmed, or it doesn't want to fuck up its progress by sabotaging itself

- ^ following on that, sav has had to walk it out of a few bad explosions after it couldn't self regulate

> further context due to . forgetting that this was a heavily indulgent oc revival

- dierdre was the first person that mark successfully made. hence its attachment to him

- dierdre ! ! can't physically die ! ! due to , a loott of flaws with his general genetic code/how mark made him. though, he can FEEL like he's dying/dead

- i don't remember if i said it before , but mark doesn't believe what it's doing is wrong -- almost everything it does is what he believes is best ,

- sav , as stated (?) was made by mark to help it with planning, creating different timelines, etc ! it doesn't have much of a consciousness though, i fear

- dierdre , does know right from wrong , and even though that mark is virtually all he's ever known, he does believe that it's wrong in some shape or form. that this isn't how friends act or whatever

- mark genuinely had the best intentions when making dierdre, trying its absolute hardest to give him individuality, a personality that wasn't just a copy of its own, a mind of his own

- sav came a wwwhiilee after dierdre - about three hundred years after him and mark slowly split apart ?

- mark just , sorta existed prior to everything ? ? granted, i'm not including ALL the lore in this (will not sound cohesive to someone who doesn't know most of it, i fear), but he did EVERYTHING because it got bored

don't ask me how the roblox vers of mark got forsakened. i haven't, thought that far yet , , will probably think of something later.

very slowly, i'm making mark a playlist. will eventually link it to this. coughs

tags ; @apollolovesu @blu-orb @gay-little-isopod @you-are-an-idiot-hah

[roseroro]

Trans readings of John Marston's story

so i made my own lil' notes about john and transness. They might be a mess, I'm just trying to identify some aspects of why it's a compelling reading to me. I didn't really consider whether John COULD canonically be trans and in what way, I don't care. It's just vibes and conjecture. if you know about other detailed posts on this i'd love a link!!

His 1899 arc is based on his conflict with his own masculinity and gender roles. He has tension with his expected role as a father, but also with his already established role as a son - which is questioned by Dutch... a paternal figure. As someone already pointed out here, "struggling to be a man" works with both john as a trans man and woman, and I'd actually include any kind of transness. (A non-binary, agender, fluid, etc. person can meet that same struggle to fit into a binary gender and its norms / roles, whether because of their AGAB, lack of knowledge/acceptance about their own gender, or how their gender is perceived externally / how they present).

To cite Hosea, "Be a man, John. It would suit you.". To cite Arthur, "Be a goddamn man.". Both pressure John towards his expected role as a father throughout the story, which will even be Arthur's last wish to him. (check out Hosea's interactions with John, he's often trying to convince him to accept his role as a father, as what a man is expected to be). Social/familial pressure is so real.

Then there's the denial of Jack being his son, which seems to be an excuse to flee a father role rather than a true belief of John's. Jack is a pressure on John to take on a normative masculine role as a father of course, but you could add a physical element to it. Jack being John's biological son is a proof and reminder of what John's body is (regardless of John's AGAB). If we assume John struggles with his body as a trans person, then having a child could amplify that greatly, tainting their relationship, hence John's alienation of Jack (at least until John learns to either compartmentalize or get more comfortable with his body).

Tension between a normative and non-normative ""chosen"" family. Jack & Abigail represent the normative nuclear family. The gang represents - or at least is perceived as / strives to be - the freedom to be who you are regardless of societal norms and laws. A non-normative family. The two aren't completely separated entities, but they do bring different expectations and issues. When the gang falls apart and its promises with it, John ends up fleeing with J&A, which brings us to brand new conflicts.

John's decision to leave with J&A is kind of a mess. A nice little cocktail of contradictions - resignation, love, societal pressure, acceptance of the masculine role that gave him so much trouble (which may be read as a positive or negative - resigned acceptance of something that doesn't fit him, or self-acceptance?), a sincere want to do right by them... and that's why the epilogue is such a struggle for them all. As a trans person, his choice to prioritize his normative family is in direct contradiction with John's non-normative nature. That's not to say it's a wrong choice, of course, I'm a big fan of the Marston family, just that it's a complex one considering John's upbringing outside of the norms he's expected to fit. He tries to change himself to fit into the mold he's been given and pressured towards... out of love. He doesn't quite manage it, of course. Now that's good trans angst.

But! He does reach a comfortable point... when he brings back part of his non-normative family into the mix. He only manages to truly build a solid house base for his life (after YEARS!!!) once he has a support system that's not entirely normative. Importance of community and all that. Happy pride month everyone. Remember someone is always willing to help, even if you're a stranger. Reach out when you need to. ANYWAY.

In 1911, that's broken. External forces bring back his struggles to the forefront, harass him based on the person he used to be. No matter how comfortable and seemingly normative John gets, some people still have a problem with him. Again, good trans angst. John is, as he's always been, stuck between two worlds and shunned for it. That's just how it is sometimes.