#friend grief

[poetryorchard]

Hey, Sprites! We're rescheduling our friendship grief workshop to Friday, May 31 @ 2 PM EDT!

You're invited to register for the materials - you're encouraged, but not required to attend the live session!

[mamatayto]

Ya know; I'll admit that it sucks and hurts to not have my childhood best friend in my life anymore. Another broken piece of losing and leaving everything behind to start a new life, to start over with my husband and kids.

Sucks that she believes lies and rumors from others that I'd steal from her like that. The most comfortable person to talk to about any and everything just gone and moving on enjoying her own life. Having nothing she would ever want to share or say to me again other than bitterness and anger of her own.

Ya know what hurts most about not having her in my life anymore? All the things we said we would share together as children that are now gone. What hurts the most other than NOT being able to share my failures, tragedies, and victories with her; is the emptiness left inside knowing the amount of years we would just talk talk talk talk and fantasize about being aunites and being there for when we have children finally... and their very first aunt to love is just gone.

When she thought she had proof of my stealing from her, she told me she was done and blocked me everywhere. I told her I don't have time for that kind of drama right then, and that if she blocked me and chose to reject me she wouldn't be allowed to take it back this time. I even let her know albeit angrily that I had been asked out, and was going to leave state to start my life over and have babies finally. I just KNEW he was the one who would get me pregnant and father my babies. And she didn't even care due to her own sense of betrayal and anger. Now my 2 beautiful babies are here and she is not. I often day dream about her driving up on weekends just to hang out with the kids. Chatting and chilling like we used to.. except with the kids. She would really love them both....

What hurts the most is what she is missing out on now.

But.. she is moving on and making her own happiness in the world which is fantastic.

Ya know ... it was really hard the day my son was born. March 24th. All I really wanted to do was video call her to show him to her and talk about how odd and wonderful it was that my second child was born in the same month as she is.

Or to talk to her about every struggle of parenting and living with my in-laws.

It hurts and is sad she gave that all up. But as long as she's happy it was worth it.

I love you always no matter what Jammie... I'm no longer watching you and following your posts. You know how to reach out to me. I won't reach out since I'm not the one who blocked and walked away. But I am sorry for the way things happened.

That being said...

My new life couldn't be better too. I'm with a loving and nurturing man who doesn't hit me and slam me against fridges when he is drunk or had a bad day. He actually pays attention to my moods, and actively WANTS me around. Took him awhile to get there, but also defends me against his parents. Finally starting to be on the same page with me on parenting. Living with two toxic in-laws hasn't been easy, and being molested by my father inlaw has made living here very difficult mentally and emotionally. We are moving into our very own and first rental house mid May, which I cannot wait for in layers of reasons. It hasn't been perfect or easy, and nothing in life is... but overall I couldn't be happier and remain focused on being a stay at home mom for now. I won't be a working mom for awhile yet.

Still trying to learn to drive. Having a he'll of a time just passing the multiple choice test yet, especially when there are differences from state to state. When living in Oregon I was 2 questions away from passing. Now though? Now I'm lucky to score 42%! But as soon as I'm driving I get to do all sorts of things including take up an Instacart Driver job.

Just being a mom of 2 so young, and house wife keeps me crazy busy.

But I do love my life now. And my family.

I don't know why trying out poly was so important to me I'm my past. Maybe because I wanted to be loved the way I needed without having to leave what I already had. Idk. But it wasn't for me or right. I'm relieved and blessed to be with a man happy to only have 1 woman in his life. In fact when I found a couple potential women to play with he got mad and asked me if he isn't enough for me. I was confused because what man doesn't want 2 women st the same time for fun? But it's MY man who don't care about that shit. Lucky me honestly~♡

Even though you won't talk to me Jammie, I'm glad we are both moving forward and mostly happy now. That makes all the pain and distance worth it.

[honeyandbloodpoetry]

And I pray to some god, some entity, some concept of hope that I can bring her back, that maybe I could take her place or simply be there with her but for a moment. I pray that maybe she would have loved me the way that I loved her, and I pray that she would not have hurt me the way that she did. I pray and pray and pray, but there is no answer. This is the way that things must be, and so I say goodbye and watch her float away to memory.

[great-and-small]

My grandfather and my godfather (a beloved neighbor and dear family friend) had a long standing bet- for one dollar- about who would die first. Both of them being slightly pessimistic (in the funny way), they both insisted that they themselves would be the first to die. Any time my grandfather had a health scare, he’d gleefully call up my godfather to boast that he’d be passing “any day now” and he was sure to win the bet. It was a big family joke and they were always amiably sparring and comparing notes about who was in worse shape, medically speaking.

When my grandfather was in hospice care dying of liver cancer, my godfather was quite ill also. It took him great effort to make the journey to see his dying friend. As he came into the room, supported by a family member, he shuffled to my grandpa’s bedside and silently handed him a dollar bill. He was ceding his loss of the bet, as they both knew who was going first. My grandpa had been in quite bad shape for a while and was no longer able to speak but let me tell you he snatched that dollar with unexpected strength and literally laughed aloud. He knew exactly what the gesture meant and he couldn’t help but find the humor within the grief. It was the last time any of us heard my grandpa laugh, as he passed shortly after.

When I talk about my appreciation for “dark humor” I’m not so much thinking about edgy jokes, but rather the human instinct to somehow, impossibly, both find and appreciate the absurdity that is so often folded into the profound grief of life and death. When I tell this story I think it kind of perturbs people sometimes, but it’s honestly one of my favorite memories about two men I really deeply admired. I could never hope for anything more than for my loved ones to remember me laughing until the very end, and taking joy in a little joke as one of my final acts.

[ionomycin]

Grief

ref photo by @jawsstone

[guhbeee]

I hate having a fucked up sleep schedule because I nap too much during the day then find myself wide awake in the early morning with my mind racing and thinking about things that make me sad.

I don’t miss a lot of people from my past but there’s one person who constantly weighs on my mind and that’s my old best friend Jasmine. We never had a falling out, we just drifted apart but it sucks because she went completely AWOL. That girl meant the world to me and was my actual soul sister.

We met in the 8th grade and found out we had mutual friends with my current childhood best friend and a couple of people I knew from the previous school she went to and we immediately clicked. We also found out our older siblings went to the same high school and were also friends so there was a couple coincidences.

From that point on we were inseparable. We did everything together. We bonded over rock music, anime, Comic Con and video games. We also shared the same silly sense of humor, morals/beliefs, and were mixed Filipinas. She was my literal other half.

Then something tragic happened in her family and my family took her in and became her second home. We trauma bonded heavily after that and it only made our friendship stronger.

Our mid 20s was when things took a turn unfortunately. We both drifted because of the relationships we were in at the time. She also moved to a different state and sadly we stopped keeping in touch with each other. She deleted all her socials and changed her last name when she got married so I have no idea where to find her too.

All I can do now is hope and pray that she’s doing alright and living a happy life. The uncertainty hurts but I have to remain hopeful. It’s the only way I can cope at this point. It’s just hard because I miss her so much. I love you Jazzie and I hope you’re doing okay out there. ❤️

[jupiterslibrary]

one of the differences between good omens the show vs good omens the book that will always fuck me up is the post-bookshop fire scene. crowley goes from picking himself up, dusting himself off, accepting the loss of aziraphale and Just Driving Anyway to completely falling apart. i do get why people have gripes with it being changed so fundamentally, and i've thought about it a lot myself, but i've never been able to bring myself to get mad about it. i always circle back to how the book was written by two best friends. that drunken, wrecked, grief stricken scene was written in a post-pratchett world. he lost his best friend.

[shorthaltsjester]

when people think delilah just completely takes over and laudna has no control. when people think jester is just an uwu child who has been manipulated by every man she’s met. when people think vex is an empty husk of daddy issues without her brother by her side. when people think fjord is an arrogant asshole who doesn’t pay attention to the party around him. when people think scanlan saying that vox machina doesn’t care about him is an accurate assessment.

[cerleansky]

My therapist was so real for saying the meaning of life is found in connection.

People hug their friends when they meet up and hug them a little tighter when it comes time to say goodbye. My grandfather rebuilt the broken rocking horse my grandmother had as a child, a gift from her father. There's an indescribable ache that goes along with seeing someone you used to know intimately, the becoming of a common stranger. Coincidences that bind, one time I got an uber and the driver used to live in my home before me. It was the last place he saw his father alive as a child and he nearly cried when I told him the walls were still the same colour.

Has anyone ever gotten over their childhood best friend? Is that alone not a testament to the fact we are more than blood and bones.

It's all about connection, friends.

[petrichara]

Trying to remember the last time I played hide and seek. The last time I said hi to everyone on the street or saw the girls I spent every day of six years with. The last time my dad picked me up, or my mum brushed my hair. When was the last time I dressed without consideration? There is so much to think about now. I remember falling on the grass at school and making stories with the clouds. Hanging upside down from the swing and realising how big the world was. I wonder on the path of growing when we stop feeling big. I am taller now, smaller still.

[each-uisge-enthusiast]

the modern villainisation of demeter will never cease to enrage me bc it wasn’t ENOUGH to just take a story of a girl being torn from her home from everyone who loved her and dragged away to be forced into marriage and twist and corrupt it until it was a romance story about female empowerment that wasn’t ENOUGH they HAD to take the original hero of the story the mother who went to every length to find her daughter again to bring her home and demonise her character until she was this horrific overbearing unloving mother. overprotective controlling without love. they turn the story of her grief at her YOUNG daughter being torn from her without her knowledge into the story of a misunderstood bad boy and a horrible cruel mother who won’t give him a chance and i really find it sickening. it’s ironic, that the ever misogynist age of hellenistic greece, has a better grasp of how disgusting and horrifying this situation was that a modern, self proclaimed ‘feminist’ era.

[spiderarchive]

[mamatayto]

100% accurate for Jammie Kitterman and me.

[honeyandbloodpoetry]

Where am I supposed to put this ache when it is the only thing I know?

[cowboylikesubai]

goddamnit i miss her (the love of my life when i was young)

aka

sometimes losing a friend is the saddest thing ever

@/bloomingtrans on tumblr / trista mateer / anne sexton / unknown / unknown / the laughing man by st vincent / norwegian wood haruki murakami / unknown / ribs by lorde / us against you by fredrik backman / seven by taylor swift

[jazforthesoul]

every time someone reduces CAPTAIN !!! elizabeth "lizzie" lafayette down to "a sad lesbian" a fairy dies bc i shoot it with my gun. like you're telling me you were spoon-fed a character that has one of the most realistic and RAW representations of grief and perseverance in the series and all you got from that was "she's sad" ????

is she a constantly happy character? Fuck no! that's acknowledged!! but to take EVERYTHING that she is, which has positive and negative aspects THAT ARE BOTH SHOWN, to take the fact that she is THE DRIVING FORCE OF THE MAIN BACKGROUND PLOT, and reduce her down to NOTHING but her relationships?? ?what the hell!!!