#fuck do I ramble or what

[cielpansyhive]

I haven't checked my stats on AO3 in a year or more. I know people rank things different ways. Some people go by hits, others kudos, some by comments, bookmarks, subscriptions, ect. You get the picture. Hits are tricky, I've heard of people getting hits by bots. Which throws everything off, you see 50 hits and zero kudos, like, "fuck, these people read and hated it?" Maybe, but also it could have been a bot. For me hits can be more discouraging than helpful. I go by everything other than hits. So, with that in mind, I want to talk about my most successful works. (This is in no way meant to be me boasting. I'm a small-time writer. My point is, if I can do it, YOU can do it.)

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I believe my most popular work is Revamp, it has the most subscriptions and comments. It's the work I'm known for. It's a little on the lower end for kudos and bookmarks, but it's not finished. The very fic people know me for is also my first work. (Because of this I'm working on revising what I have before updating another chapter. No worries, it's not abandoned and never will be.) That said, I was terrified to post it originally. Not only was it my first but there were maybe ten other fics at the time with trans Ciel and that was it. I didn't know if there was a reason for that. Lack of interest? People getting hate? I was clueless. But I had a story to tell so I sucked it up and posted and I'm glad I did! I've talked to so many people and befriended some because of that fic. I take forever to update and people still get excited over it when I do update. It really means a lot! My life changed because of posting it and it gave me the courage to pursue writing and share my stuff.

My highest bookmarked and work with the 3rd most kudos is a smut one-shot (That Butler, Sensitive) that I was worried would be "too weird" for people. I know way more people who think hand kinks are weird than ones that are neutral or into it. It was another I was reluctant to post and bam people loved it. I'm still shocked by the feedback.

My highest kudo work, the first couple chapters were awful. They were quick little things I wrote for tumblr, I got enough feedback I decided to post them on AO3. Chapter 1 I wrote drunk, I'm not even joking. Did I have fun with it? Yes. Was it to my standard? Fuck no. I have since revised the first two chapters. The third chapter, Sebastian is so OOC, but once again I did have fun with it. The last chapter has figging, a kink I don't know anyone of really having...at least in my personal life. The work as a whole (Canon Divergent SebaCiel) is just fun debauchery. In the beginning it was difficult for me to post smut. It was difficult to write too, I'd get stuck in my own head. But if you write whatever thoughts flow out, it's so simple! Because I became more comfortable, I was able to write my second highest kudo work (Clathrus Archeri) that was inspired by a fungus. Yep, we get that freaky with it. My readers enjoy it, it's all good.

My fourth highest bookmarked and fifth highest kudo work (Relax) is one that I stated was "the worst smut I've ever written." It was extremely self-indulgent but at the same time I spent so long editing it that at the end I hated it. I thought in comparison to my other smut it was low level. It also had trans Ciel, so I'm glad one of my works with him made it in the top 5. Yet, I wouldn't have that had I not posted.

While most of my works are obviously Kuroshitsuji, I do have works for Voltron too. I have almost zero interactions with the Voltron fandom. I will reblog things and read (kudo, bookmark, subscribe), but besides comments on my own fics I haven't talked to anyone. A big part is that I'm shy. Another is that I'm too old for fandom drama, ship wars, and what have you. If someone wants to chat with me, I'm glad and I will talk, but I'm not putting myself out there. The same will go when I start posting Vanitas no Carte fics. I'm very ship and let ship and that will piss off some people. It's easier for people to approach me rather than me trying to figure out if someone will hate me for my ships or not. Okay, very long intro for my next point. My third highest subscribed work (Atlas Ocean Rescue) is for the Voltron fandom. They don't know me from anywhere, exception the kuro people that also like Voltron, but apparently my work has readers. This fic is super self-indulgent, I love mermen okay? I'd say overall my Voltron works aren't doing too bad considering I basically just post and run. As anxious as I get to post anything, posting for another fandom was really hard. There wasn't the pressure of people knowing my work, but there's the very real feeling of, "oh fuck, this could flop terribly." A few Voltron works have already surpassed my "worst" Kuro works...so success? I think so!

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For anyone who read all my nonsense, you get a gold star. I hope you also noticed the patterns here. That is, write for yourself and your audience will find you. Don't censor yourself, be true to you and go with the flow, have fun! Write characters how you want to write and read them. Indulge in your kinks, I swear you aren't the only one that has them. Step out of your comfort zone every once and a while. If you post a fic and it flops, so what? It's not the end of the world. What if the fic you think will fail ends up being your best one? You'll never know what will happen unless you post it, it might surprise you. As your skills improve it's okay to go back and revise and edit. But don't let your skill level hold you back from posting in the first place, we all have to start somewhere. You can engage with fandoms as much or as little as you want. (I do encourage reblogs, kudos, bookmarks, ect.) But if you are too shy to talk or don't know anyone in a fandom, don't let that stop you from creating for that fandom. If you only have one work in you for a fandom, do it! If you have multiple? Do it! Rarepair? Go for it! Someone else will probably thank you for it! Vent writing? Dead dove? Extremely therapeutic for you and for others that are more so readers than writers. (Note writing dark stuff just for exploration and entertainment is fine too!! Horror is a well-loved genre for a reason. Fiction is fiction.) Bottom line: don't let you get in the way of yourself.

Will you get hate? You might, I won't lie. That said, people troll everything, any hate you get just shake it off. Odds are it's nothing personal or about your writing, it's they don't like the ship, or any AU, or the dynamics with smut, or the kink, or they're phobic, or if you write intense stuff it's too dark of content for them. If you tag things, it's on the reader if they ignore the tags or they purposely expose themselves to content they know will upset them. I highly recommend if you are concerned about hate, only let registered users leave comments. That's what I do with all my fics and I have had zero negative comments. People are less likely to leave nasty comments if they have to show their face, it's so much easier for them on anon. Some hate I've got on here (tumblr) could be from AO3, but I honestly think it's mostly just other tumblr users that have never read anything of mine.

I'm not as active as I once was on here. It's been years since I updated or posted a kuro work on AO3. I don't have the spoons (energy) to do as much one-on-one as I used to, but know I am cheering on all the creators, new and old. I am here if anyone needs some extra encouragement. But honestly, just write. Even on the off chance you're the only one that likes your work, you have at least one fan. If you don't write for yourself, then who are you writing for? I swear readers can tell the difference when you write something you're into verses something you think will be good, but you don't care about as much. Your best writing is the writing that YOU would read. Don't focus on what you think others will think. Your people will find you.

We all start as that person that's afraid to post our works, it's natural. Tackling that fear was one of the most difficult but best thing I've done for myself. If you want to post, do it! 💖💖💖

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

so in an attempt to actually use positive thinking, anytime i fuck up and my brain reacts as if ive cause a minor apocalyptic event, i compare my fuck up to the 4 minute fuck up committed by the crew of the uss william d porter.

and only today, as i was having to explain what happened to my mom when i was explaining the whole comparison thing, did i realise that most people dont know about it and ive decided that needs to change because its objectively hilarious.

...which is a weird thing to say about an event that occured on a warship in 1943, specifically november 14th.

see the uss william d porter was a fletcher-class destroyer but you dont need to know what that means, just that she had guns that went bang bang and that she was escorting another ship, the uss iowa, to cairo.

while they were on their way there, they performed some gun trials like testing the anti-aircraft guns or the torpedos. and while they were running a torpedo drill, the crew of the porter managed to fire a live torpedo straight at the iowa which you know, in terms of a list of things to do while escorting a ship, shooting a torpedo at them is not on that list.

especially if the president of the united states is on board.

yeah so fdr was on board and the gun trials were actually his idea, and part of the trials was that they were conducted under radio silence.

and that means the crew of the porter couldnt just call the iowa to be like "move out the way, we accidentally shot a torpedo at you."

but they did have signal lamps and you know, the signalman on board was trained to signal this exact kind of message.

...and uh never mind, the signalman did manage to successfully tell the iowa that a torpedo was coming toward them but wasnt as successful when it came to the direction the torpedo was coming from.

not all hope is lost though because the signalman could still use the signal lamp to correct his previous mistake and-, never mind, he announced that the porter was reversing, which she wasnt.

yeah so at catastrophic mistake number 3, they broke radio silence to warn the iowa and she managed to turn out of the way just in time which meant no one got hurt. and even though the inquiry into the incident led to chief torpedoman (fantastic job title btw) lawton dawson being sentences to hard labour, fdr intervened and waved away his sentence, saying it was all an accident.

but yeah, so thats my new measure for "how much did i really fuck up?" and when i compared accidentally picking up a pencil case without a tag on it in wilko, turns out it was a very minor fuck-up. yes, the cashier had to ask another worker to grab a duplicate so they could scan the barcode, but i didnt nearly kill the president during wartime via accidental friendly fire

[littlefankingdom]

Bruce Wayne is canonically a very handsome man (he is called a "pretty boy" and he is in his 40s, for fuck's sake), and he is pretty famous as a rich philanthropist who doesn't want to leave his awful cursed crime infested city. So, there must be a ton of people thirsting over him on the internet. Fancams, edits, fanfics and imagines ("kidnapped with Bruce Wayne 😍 by a Gotham rogue"), the whole charade!

And anytime one of the batkids stumbles on a thirst post, they have the most dramatic disgusted reaction, loudly gagging, before sending the link to the batkids chat, because if they must suffer, then they should all suffer. Clicking on a link in this groupchat is like playing russian roulette, and getting rickrolled is a good ending.

[caruliaa]

staff still hasn't given me polls, what should i do?

🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their moms 69%

🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their dads 31%

grace image os i get to look at her

[yanderespamton78]

Edit since a lot of people seem confused - your "real" name is the name that you want to be referred to in real life. It doesn't have to be your legal name. So if you're trans and you have a different name to whats on your birth certificate, even if not many people call you by the name, it still counts as your real name.

Edit 2 : Holy shit guys please stop reblogging this post my poor inbox im getting like 20 notifs an hour asjfhkajshdkh /lh /srs

[liauditore]

do you guys ever think about that time she said her backstory was that she was only partially zombiefied and was fully conscious mentally while she ate and killed her family. and that she was a princess. i do alot.

[gophergal]

Guilt tripping people does nothing but cause vulnerable folks to spiral and make folks who dont live with moral OCD feel negatively toward your cause

[lazylittledragon]

i refuse to believe that boycotting is hard. my favourite thing in the world is ordering maccies after a late night at work/a concert/getting drunk. yes i do miss it sometimes. but the other night i ordered from a small place near my house instead and it was the most orgasmic burger i've ever had in my life. i very rarely say this but fucking suck it up people are DEAD

[mushroom-through-the-stargate]

romantic partner? no, i want a lab partner. i want to run experiments and solve the secrets of the universe together. maybe we're wearing lab coats. maybe the cafeteria has bagels.

[bababaka]

Yall need to interact with fanfiction author's more.

So. After the ddos attack on ao3.

I was encouraged to write more comments and make my love known to fanfic writers.

I dont really like commenting. Because im a bit shy and soooo lazy.

Now though. I am writing more comments. And dude. This is so heartwarming. Ya'll need to treat writers better. They are doing the lord's work.

Take for an example, couple of days prior, i was searching for something interesting to read, and found an oneshot quite compelling.

I read it. At the end of it, i was blown away by how good it was. It promised me something and it went beyond my expectations. But then i saw a crime, zero fucking comments!

At that moment, i wasn't feeling up to writing a comment. Because, normally i like to write huge paragraphs. But because im lazy i decided to be brief.

Next day, the author answered that the comment lift their mood for the whole day.

That warmed my heart.

Duuuuuuuude! Write comments! Suport the writers of the fics you like! No need to be something super elaborate. Just give your thoughts. Freak out. Ramble. Ask something. Make theories. Compliment. Make a joke about how you wished to give kudos every chapter but ao3 sucks(not true bby) and won't let you.

Truly. Just. Comment. It can make someone's day. And that is part of the apeal of writing fics. Interacting with people.

Just give love to fanfic writers yall. They deserve this and so much more.

[gremlingirlsmell]

hey just so y'all know, rhetoric like this:

is anti-transfeminist dogwhistling.

the "radfems" they're talking about are transfems trying to define and use language about our own opression like "transmisogyny" and who is targeted by it.

"gender essentialism" is used to mean different things. for one it's meant to denounce tme/tma language, saying that everyone is targeted by transmisogyny the same, and depraving us of standpoint epistemology. a second meaning i often see is: it's "gender essentialism" to say "we live in a patriarchy that benefits men over women"

this tactic is used mainly to paint transfeminists as dangerous and transmasc-hating, for applying intersectionality and materialism to feminist theory. it's to shun us by calling us terfs (a hate group primarily centered against transfems) which will immediately mark us as unsafe for other transfems and trans people in general. this is done instead of calling us baeddels, because calling us medieval slurs has fallen out of fashion and has become too obviously transmisogynistic

[roy-kents]

the chin grab was improvised. it's what felt natural in the moment. he just did that. the most sickening, intimate, raw detail of the entire scene...and you're telling me it was fucking improvised. what. what the fuck am i meant to do with that actually. what do i do. i feel hysterical. i.

[reverienco]

what the fuck am i doing. scheduling this at 1am.

[verdantglow]

Joel SmallishBeans mentions that he looks at fanart on tumblr.

“He’s here!” People scream, “Scatter!”

As everyone runs away, I, unmoving, look him dead in the eye & say,

“Let him watch.”

[tibli]

magolor is so funny bc its like. here's this wizard guy. he cosplays an ancient civilization because hes basically their equivalent of a fucking weeboo, to the point where his name translates to 'false paradise' in their language. he's deliberately judas-coded. he basically becomes god for about 5 seconds before he gets his ass beat so hard he dies and goes to superhell. he looks like a sopping wet cat in a cardboard box the entire time hes there atoning for his sins. his final fight is against a fucking tree. and then he opens a theme park to say sorry for trying to take over the entire universe. who else is out here doing it like him

[ventique18]

Lilia: "This voice... Levan?! You, when did you return... No, but those horns are Meleanor's..."

Lilia for a while confuses Malleus for Levan... He only doubted himself because of the horns... Do y'all remember who has a similar build/hair color/skin tone/lip shade as Malleus...

"Those old fools of a senate... How dare they..."

"AND GRANDMOTHER AS WELL! Why have they kept the truth from me all this time?!"

OMG! He didn't know that Lilia hatched him... Lilia tries to calm him down and says that it was him who told them not to say tell. Because if he knew the truth, then he might feel guilty.

At this point Lilia begins to mix up reality and memory. He's questioning why he's calling this person Malleus when Malleus still isn't supposed to know how to walk on two legs. Malleus soothes him, saying that it's alright, Lilia doesn't have to think, and he doesn't have to suffer anymore.

Malleus: "What dream would you like to have? A dream where both father and mother are alive? Or would you prefer a dream where you and your son live peaceful lives?

"I will give you anything and everything you wish for. Now, Lilia, take my..."

Silver: "FATHER---!!!!!"

Lilia is still confused and mixes up things, and Malleus looks at Silver and Sebek exasperatedly, as if they're pests that keep on popping up. That they being awake is bad, and that they should go back to sleep. Silver objects and Sebek tells him that there's no way a man born from so much love should grow up to be villainous and hated by the entire world.

Silver: "And that's why we will definitely defeat you. Lord Malleus... YOUR "BLESSING"!"

Because of that keyword, Lilia finally remembers everything that happened.

Lilia: "Well said. That's my disciples for you."

Lilia: "I must have taken a very long nap. Now you've done it, Malleus!"

Malleus: "Tsk. You've truly woken up, Lilia! But you need not worry. I will tuck you back to bed very soon."

Lilia: "Ha! Did you just say you will tuck me to bed? You've grown cocky, haven't you? Then do your worst!"

Lilia: "Everyone, after me!"

LILIA: "IT'S TIME TO RUN--!!"

OMFG LOL LILIA???? Malleus laughs "Are we playing tag? It's been far too long since we've played like this."

"We have all the time in the world. Why don't we have a bit of fun, Lilia!" *CUE UNHINGED FUCKING LAUGHTER HOLY SHIT THAT WAS CREEPY AS HELL