#fuckin... swamp juice!

[quesadilla-day]

delicious jade 😋yummy yummy 😍

[hornyjockbro]

Jason opened the door to his shared dorm. Only to be met by the scent of week old unwashed gym gear.

A few hours earlier...

Kyle was doing some early morning meal prepping, when kyle walked into the kitchenette area, with the only barrier between his cock and the...aromatic air was a worn pair of boxer shorts. Tufts of dark hair poked out of the elastic, the smell of cum lingering on the still damp crotch fur.

"Sup bro" Nick said, as he reached into his boxers to scratch his balls. Instant relief hit only to be greeted by a wet sensation.

"Did I piss myse...oh." Nick murmurded to himself as he recalled his early morning wet dream. A smile spread across his face as thoughts of a soft round ass riding against his cock were bought to the forefront of his mind. Precum soaked his boxer shorts as semi erection quickly sproated.

"Bro, I had the best dream just now"

"Ya? What happened?"

"Well... it was more about the feelings and sensations... more than the actual plot"

"Uh huh" Kyle smuggly responded with smirk.

"I just remember this nice round ass grinding all up on my dick bro! That shit got me cumming like a faucet."

"I can tell." Kyle chuckled taking a break from meal prepping and pointing at the huge white stain on Nick's boxers.

"What if I told you i knew who's ass was making you cum like that."

"I feel like dreams are little more abstaract than tha-"

"Bro it's Jason's ass."

"What-"

"Don't you remeber falling asleep together in his bed last night?"

"Oh shit, you're right! Guess leg day's been helping." Nick nervously laughed

"Plus I think I saw him lick some of your cum wasn't expecting little Jason to go for it like that."

"What can I say, everybody wants a piece." Nick boasted, flexing a double bicep pose.

"Nah, but I do kinda wanna fuck with him now."

A devious smile spread across Nick's face. As he looked at the smoothie blender.

"Since our bro in the making likes my cum so much...why not give him a little extra." Nick said as he slowly reached into his boxers and pulled out his hard cock.

Kyle got the idea and started stroking his own dick through his baller shorts. A wet spot of precum grew bigger as he continued to palm and stroke his dick. Eventually he couldn't take it. He pulled his shorts down to his knees and began stroking along side Nick.

"Fuck." Was all he could say, followed by grunts and moans.

Kyle closed his eyes and but his bottom lip, fully embracing the moment. A warm second hand seemed to tug on Kyle's dick. Opening his eyes into a squint, he say Nick's beefy forearm stroking both his and kyle's cocks. Too horny to stop him, kyle grunted and moaned in rhythm to Nick's strokes.

"Bro- I'm gonna cum!" Kyle moaned as his cock throbbed in his bro's hand.

"Same here!" Nick grunted

Kyle quickly reached towards a cup laying on the counter.

"Bro aim for the cup!"

"Fuucck" Kyle grunted as he shot load after load into the cup.

"Awww fuck yeah bro!" said as he came into cup.

"Nice, fuckin load bro!" Nick said, slapping Kyle's exposed ass.

"Thanks bro." Kyle said smiling down at the cup.

"Drink it!" Kyle said barely able to finish the sentence without bursting out in laugher.

"No you drink it!" Nick responded, already forgetting about the original plan.

"Fine! Have it your way!" Kyle said, staring Nick down with a semi hard boner point straight at him.

Kyle charged at Nick aiming for a grapple. Kyle's sweat smeared onto Nick's simillary drenched back as the collided.

"Who's the bottom know?" Kyle mockingly whispered into Nick's ear as he held him in place.

Kyle's slick cock wedged between nick's ass. Spreading cum all over his crack.

"You been doing hip thrusts without me?" Kyle said as he pressed his cock deeper into Nick's crack.

"I'd ask you- the same- thing!" Nick exclaimed as he managed to roll forward taking Kyle onto the ground.

Cock juices smeared against Kyle's ass as Nick held him down.

"You got some serious swamp ass bro, you ever shave back here?"

"Nah, I don't wanna end up cutting my ball suck or something"

Sensing the descalation in tension, Kyle got up to his knee.

"I got post nut fatigue!" Yawn-shouted

"Still got class though" Nick said as he pulled Kyle up.

"They're talking about macronutrient bioavailability, please don't make me go! I beg of you! Just come back and give me the sparknotes version."

"Fine, but you're doing the same thing for next class!" Nick sighed

"Aye aye captain." Kyle said while flipping Nick off.

"Ya ya." Nick smiled and rolled his eyes as he got got ready for class.

Sorry for the reuploads, the gifs keep getting flagged

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

[raunchyandpaunchy]

Where is the best place to open up a Starbucks in Skyrim? Looking for a return on my investment.

First of all, thank you for asking me a question that made me lose my shit, and then immediately go OH SHIT OKAY NO I'M GONNA WORK THIS OUT

And, because I am Extra As All Fuck, I'm gonna give a rundown of Starbucks eligibility by hold, from best to worst:

(Disclaimer: this is purely my own speculation, absolutely feel free to disagree with any of this lol, i am but a loud little tube with opinions)

1. Solitude/Haafingar. Given it's the country's capital, and (from what I can gather) the most affluent of the holds, this one makes sense. It's in a cold enough area to have people wanting coffee, especially the numerous citizens who work outside, and with most of the Imperial Legion stationed there, you're likely not going to be short on customers.

2. Riften/The Rift. A bustling city, with plenty of workers between the docks, the merchant stalls and Black-Briar meadery. That said, your best customers would likely be the Thieves' Guild. Mercer Frey alone would probably be 10% of the hold's sales.

3. Whiterun. Okay, I know this placement might seem a bit high, but I have my reasons. First off, it's considered the best city for shopping. It's the country's central hub, there are numerous tourist attractions including the Gildergreen and the Meadery, and as well as all the merchant stalls and it being a frequent stop for Khajiit caravans, it also houses the Companions. Who I hear favour mead, but I'm assuming after a heavy night's drinking and/or being hired muscle, they might want a coffee.

4. Windhelm/Eastmarch. Some might argue this should be higher - 2 or 3, even, and that's fair, but I have theories here. While there are plenty of customers, the city's segregation likely means that there will be a rival coffee shop in whichever part of town Starbucks isn't, meaning that you wouldn't have the monopoly you might have in other regions.

5. Markarth/The Reach. Again, maybe a low seeming placement? But given that the city's mine is run on prison labour and people are getting stabbed left and right, probably not the best choice for a coffee shop location.

6. Dawnstar/The Pale. Now that we're down to the smaller regions, it gets trickier. Or it would, except Vaermina's fucking everyone's shit up when they fall asleep in The Pale, so what better time to set up shop with a product that staves off sleep? Their curse is your gain.

7. Winterhold. Yeah, it's a wasteland and a shadow of its former self, but it's also cold as balls and has the College, so you'll probably get decent business.

8. Falkreath. This whole town's schtick is "hey, check out all these dead people!". Your main customers will probably be the small group of people who deal in Making People Dead. One of them is a jester. He wears a jingly little hat. That's gonna put off customers.

9. Morthal/Hjaalmarch. It's a big fuckin swamp. Nothing happens. Half the hold are vampires, they're not interested in bean juice. So unless the chaurus suddenly get a taste for coffee, you're shit outta luck.

If you've read this far, thank you and also sorry lmao. Also, support your local coffee shops and support unions!

[rattlerinthewheel]

Fruit Bat: Scud/Reader

He should know better than to irritate the vampire that’s already pissed, wounded, and starving—so you teach him.

For the Kinky Things Happen bingo square: vampires and discipline, at @pandoratriestowritestuff’s request for some Scud. Credit to them and @phoenixblack89, who talked about Scud getting spanked and choking on a donut, for the respective scenes.

- - -

You’re still pissed at him.

But it’s hard to give him the silent treatment when you need to get at the junk around the tables. Move, pass me that wrench, throw me that wire, is dry and distant, work-related; but turn that shit down, quit spewing crumbs, stop grabbing me, and other growls that aren’t related to the tech you’re fiddling with get read as some sign—to keep doing those things, but that’s sure not what your glares should be saying.

Well, it isn’t a surprise that he’s being a dumbass about it. A moron about a lot of shit, lately, the bandage on your arm can vouch for that. And it was an accident, sure, you wouldn’t usually blame him for aiming that UV flashlight at anything that swarmed at him on a job; but he’d been high and you’d called out a warning, dammit, and he still got you with it. Burned like a motherfucker, like acid.

His apology was huffed, high-sluggish, and rank like the shitty weed he’d been toking.

Maybe he’s realizing you’re really pissed, content with just your hand as company for a few days, because you haven’t taken a break even once from this group project—a net of UV panels you can drape over the van; they stay off for now, obviously—to get your hands down his pants, or his down yours.

But Josh—Scud’s dumb, and it pisses him off to be called Josh, so of course that’s what you call him—is definitely high, not as sharp as he’d otherwise be, and his logic is coming from his dick today. His brain would be screaming at him to not agitate the vampire that’s wounded and pissed.

He’s prodded at you the whole damn night so far, brushing your groin to grab a tool there’s fifteen more of scattered around that he can get to, angling his head in a way that makes the churning veins under too damn tempting, flat-out groping your ass when his first two tactics don’t get him anything more than warning hisses.

Except when he decides he doesn’t like a particular hiss you give, too much teeth for his liking, because when his hand drops from where it’s gotten in a squeeze it claps right back down across the ass cheek it grabbed. Fucking hard, too; "make peace, not war" your ass.

You whirl where he’s scrambling back to his side of the room, giggling, hands raised with his palms out like he can call a truce. Like he hasn’t been doing this shit all night and your hisses and menaced fangs are supposed to be equals, or something.

Well, they aren’t. And you feel like cashing in some payback.

"C’mon, baby, lighten up!" trails his getaway while you give chase. You don’t run after him, but Josh stumbles and darts around like you are. It’s one of the oldest hunting tactics, just following, while the prey tires itself out trying to get away. Vampires don’t need to use it, you could just as easily catch up, even with a bandaged arm.

But Josh wants to goddamn play, so you’ll follow suit. For now.

Smoker’s lungs, stoner’s, don’t let him keep it up as long as a guy his age could. Josh staggers, stumbles a last time like his clothes weigh fifty pounds, and drops on the steps up to another part of the workshop. By his couch and TV, the little nest he’s made for himself, and you don’t think that’s accidental; but you don’t plan to move things to that shitty couch, not anytime soon.

You walk right up to him, and Josh goddamn grins, leaning back on his hands and spreading his legs like he’s offering himself up like a damn meal. He’s still got one of those shitty donuts, and he takes a bite, still grinning, and flicks a crumb at your leg.

"You’re a child," you growl, getting a whiff of syrup lactic acids, probably burning his calves like battery; iron thumped in and out of his heart, jumping in his throat, flushing his face; that damn weed turning everything earthy, chalky like loam, but still good.

"I’m a delight," spews more crumbs with another giggle. "Besides, baby, you love it."

You do—when you aren’t pissed at him. "Love to kick your ass," you huff, toeing the step by his foot.

His hum makes you swallow. Fucking thirsty, you are, and that’s just the worst kind of trifecta for Josh to be near right now: starved, pissed, and wounded. Your nerves are shot, and his chase didn’t tire you, but it sure as shit reminded you of what hunts are supposed to take care of. And his hum, that sounds vaguely like a dying, helpless churr from a punctured throat...

Shit.

But the hum bubbles into a chuckle, as you’re stepping away to beat it and get back to work—so Blade doesn’t have you to stake and Josh to mend, or a drained corpse to bury—when you get a lazy kick to your calf and a teasing, "The little fruit bat running away? Afraid I’ll smack him again?"

You’re starving, agitated, and your arm throbs. It’s not a nickname you hate, but it sets off something.

You stop, turn back slowly, and flick your eyes to either side to make sure you won’t be skewered by stray junk out of place. All clear, so you skulk up, schooling your face into a careful, bland look that puts Josh on edge more than a scowl.

"Ain’t my ass about to get smacked, boy," is throttled with a snap of fangs and a low pounce, and Josh can only drop the fucking donut and yelp as you tackle him.

He gets a bit of ground, because his hand clamps right down on the bandages, making you bark at the bolt of pain. It’s been longer since your last drink than you admitted to Blade, before he left, and that doesn’t help. But Blade would’ve had you come with, otherwise, and you figured dealing with Josh was worth getting the panels for the van closer to field testing.

Because as much as you want to skitter up the wall and drop Josh from the rafters, most days, you don’t want to get back to the van and find a drained, stoner-sized juice box.

So it’s a little ironic that he’s sprawled over your legs, when the scuffle’s over. It’s not what you intended—to pin him to his stomach, straddle, and give a few smacks before letting him go—but you sort yourselves out. First Josh, and you wrap an arm over his waist to keep him down; then yourself, and you sit up properly so his ass is right where you want it.

These days, child rearing isn’t what you were accustomed to, and Josh doesn’t figure it out until he feels your hand settle across the seat of his cargo pants. "No fuckin’ way," is half telling, half laughing, and the weed probably has something to do with that second part.

Because the first part’s not amused, but just in case he doesn’t get it across that he’s not thrilled to be pinned this way, Josh starts trying to buck off your lap.

"Yes fucking way," you hiss, and your hand cracks down over his right cheek.

It’s loud, even for his human hearing, and goes off like a shotgun blast. Josh twists his head back, huffing. The scowl he tries to give doesn’t have the kind of impact he hopes for, when it twitches at the second swat you land, right over the same spot. Harder than the first, because you won’t have him scowling at you, goddamn brat.

"Hope you know how to sleep with one eye open," cracks when you get a handful of flesh, quieter when he hangs his head. The pants are thin, and you feel the warmth from the swats, hell, hear the blood fizz under the surface. "Get you back for this."

You frown, not at the threat, but another rush of blood you hear. Feel, even better, in your lap.

You growl and throw a withering look his way, because fucking seriously? "You gettin’ hardover this?"

You hear the bones grind, Josh gritting his teeth, when you give the spot you’ve hit twice now a slow rub. Christ, he is, and he’s halfway there by the time you’ve rubbed enough circles into the warmed skin that you have to strain to hear the fizzing blood. You should’ve guessed he was into this, not like he doesn’t rile you up to pin or chase him anyway, this even makes sense.

The swipe to his left thigh is sudden, vampire speed but not strength because you aren’t that cruel. Your ears perk at the sound it gets, when the crack settles again, but before you can ask if he’s fine you feel his thigh rise up into your hand. You can’t help but scoff, because Christ’s sake, you weren’t trying to get frisky with him—and that ship’s goddamn sailed, because you’re helping him get hard.

You’re getting hard, too, can’t be a hypocrite about that. Josh feels it, pushing up into his side, and when he twists his head back again he’s flushed and his mouth’s open. His eyes are glazed over, brow’s furrowed, you think, but it’s hard to tell with the mop of hair in the way. Dammit,and you get a handful of his shirt in your striking hand to keep him from toppling over, and unwrap the other to push the hair off his face.

You can hear his sigh just fine, but it thrums into your fingers where you keep them pushed into his scalp, warm, damp from work and running from you. "Done already, baby? Maybe we can switch," buzzes up your arm.

Shit. You aren’t excited for that, because if he’s going to get you back he’s damn well working for it. But you can feel him reacting to you, swamping your senses; a whine when your fingers curl in the bangs before combing out, his hips shimmying when your arm loops over again, the muscles of his hide clenching as you drag down his pants and boxers.

That last one gets a sharp breath that’s followed up with a sharper swat. You suck in a gasp yourself and tighten your arm, giving your hard-on friction to grind off of, as you run your fingertips over the barely-pink skin. Warm, hot, without the fabric, and it fizzles louder like damn fireworks, when you drop your palm over the left cheek.

"Baby? Not getting any, uh, urges? Know I look good ‘nough to eat normally, but—"

"Shut up," you snarl, and then you’re smacking him again.

It’s anger at this bullshit, your injury, your arm throbbing as Josh twitches against the hold you just double down on when you start laying down swats quick and hard. He could’ve killed you, and he was too damn high to realize it, to apologize, still hasn’t.

But it’s some twisted fascination, too, watching the barely-pink go hot pink, white in the beat after a blow before it blooms darker, then red. You hear the blood fizz, pop, and simmer with each shade the flesh darkens to. Ass goes slower than the thighs, more meat to them, and that reminds you that there’s something to grab so you do. Not after every swat, just to give you both a breather, and you groan when you peel your hand off each time and a five-fingered print flares white before reddening again.

"Hope you choke on those damn donuts," you groan, throaty, when you realize your aim goes off because Josh is rutting into your damn lap. "Quit moving, lemme."

He goes rigid when you grab a hot thigh and spread him open, shift him right so his cock isn’t snug against your leg, and start to stroke. Cruelly slow, but it’s not like he’s getting out of this without some discipline. But you wouldn’t exactly mind doing this again, either...

"No one’s dead, then?"

Josh yelps and finally does buck off your lap. You let him, falling in a heap with his pants still down to his knees, because you’re too busy cringing back from the circle of UV light pointed at the floor. On concrete, not too close to the steps, but you’ve had enough of that wicked light as it is.

Blade doesn’t look bothered by Josh’s undressed, red ass, or the wet spot he left on your jeans. Neither of you finished, just pre-cum, but you’re not keeping a nose or ear out to scent or hear if Josh does by accident in the scramble. You’ve got something else on your mind, that wicks away the lust and anger and drags hunger up your throat so fast you’re dizzy.

The IV bag’s tossed to you, torn into and drained in the time it takes Blade to fish out another from his bag. You hear the flashlight go off and pounce out onto concrete to burrow into the second one he gives over, then growl for the third you can smell when he doesn’t offer it.

"There a problem?"

Your growl sputters, and Josh must’ve gotten his pants back up because he draws attention to himself now. "All good, B. Just looking for some shit for the panels."

Blade doesn’t ask what shit required Josh’s nose being two inches from the lowest step, or being over your lap while he looked, but you go deaf to what they do talk about when the third bag’s thrown your way. By the time you finish, wiggling the puncture marks over your yawning mouth to get the last drop, Blade’s gone and Josh’s face wrinkles.

"Oh, now you don’t want to bother me?" you purr, all fangs, your arm hardly aching and your throat good and wet.

"Shit, dude, would table manners kill you?"

You purr louder, a chuckle, as Josh turns away and goes to hide on his couch with his TV. Close to dawn, anyway, and it’s better to have two pairs of hands for the panels. At least that’s what Josh will tell Blade, probably, if he asks why he isn’t working on it in the morning when you’re sleeping. You’re betting on Blade either calling him out, saying a sore ass doesn’t mean a day off, or just letting it slide. He’s not stranger to vampire strength, even if it’s never been applied to his ass.

Well, Josh can tell him all about it, and you wipe the blood off your face, purr throttling in a real laugh, as Josh decides to lay down on his stomach while he fumbles with the TV.

"Gonna get you back," he reminds you.

In the dim, barely-lit room, with just some cartoon to flick pale tones over the dark space, you lurk over and crawl up onto the back of the couch, balancing on your side, so you can lick your fingers clean and run them through his hair. You tune out the shitty TV to hone in on his blood, calming down, still sputtering around his warm ass. It’s white noise you lose yourself in, purring at his swears when he shifts and agitates the flesh.

[onetuffbunny]

the moon is a sliver in the night’s sky

i’ve been sitting in the woods looking up at it. you have to moonbathe sometime. it’s beautiful. there’s too much light pollution to stare at the stars most of the time but the moon, at least, is close enough that you can see it. it gives me time to think. it’s hard for me to think most of the time. this isn’t me sad posting. you don’t want to see that and i like to give people want they want from me. it’s just what it is. i don’t know. my head is a noisy place.

i used to be too scared of the woods to do it very long but i’m not scared of bears anymore

the dark’s soothing. i’ve never been a creature of the day. i get migraines. my sleep schedule’s fucked. i’ve never had many daytime jobs. i like to stretch out in the grass and i don’t care if i get muddy.

i’ve been thinking. i don’t know what i’ve been thinking about. i feel more than i think and i don’t know what i’m feeling. i don’t know what day it is. i know it’s not the weekend. i’ve lost all the markers of how i used to count the days but it’s fine, i guess. i’m not sad posting about being a vampire. i'm really not. it’s just something that happened. it’s not even in the top five worst things in my life. it’s just an event.

i’m not sad posting about my life either because when you consider all things, i’m doing pretty alright. i feel some sort of way about a lot of things but the thing is, feeling some sort of way is just something that’s going to happen. you get born and then bad things happen and then good things happen but neither of them kill you until they do. you just have to roll with it. when things are bad, then they’ll get better eventually. so i’m not sad. i just feel some sort of way. you’re allowed to feel some sort of way. i think more people should feel some sort of way.

i used to be in a pretty bad place. i didn’t know how to take the bad with the good and i was bogged down like a swamp. i was angry all the time. you can’t be angry all the time. it makes you sick in your stomach. anger’s just fear anyway that you wear in your fists. i was either going to be angry forever or i was gonna have to learn a new emotion, so i decided to just get real weird with it instead. it’s worked out for me pretty okay except when it hasn’t. i have glitter in my pocket and i have left secret messages all over the place for future generations to find. i am an urban legend. people will look at my work in years to come and put me in books about unsolved mysteries. i hope they study me. i’d like to read their thesis.

i hope you know by now that i mostly just spout off a lot of random shit because i like to hear my own words and you should not take anything i say very seriously because i sure as fuck don’t but guess what, fuckers, it’s 2021, i’m allowed to do whatever i want because them’s the rules

i should go in. i don’t know how long i’ve been out here. i feel like a critter. maybe i’m a werewolf. maybe i’m an enigma. maybe i’m just 37 and rambling on the internet is what i’ve chosen to do with my life. one of them’s probably true.

i don’t miss old me but i do miss his real fuckin great beard. can’t grow that shit now. body’s fake. i mean like i don’t want a beard anymore but i’m kinda pissy that i’d have to like go get my glamour edited to get one, so it’s the principle of the thing. i hit puberty waaaaay too early. i looked like a grown ass man as a freshman. i am saving a fortune on razors, let me tell you.

not sad posting, im beard posting

(i don’t want a beard btw my presentation is way different now)

anyway like you learn a lot being in the woods, looking at the moon. i’ve heard all sorts of birds. i’ve touched leaves. i’ve eaten a few. do you ever just dig up clover and suck out the grass juice inside because i sure have. i don’t know if that’s healthy. i don’t care to know. i’ve been collecting acorns into tidy piles for nefarious purposes. i am a witch and that means i can do what i want. i’m going to start a coven and we’re just going to show our abs to the moon.

anyway i’m going inside now because there’s some anime men i need to catch up on. gotta make sure my husbands are okay. you know how it is.

-moon, 2021

[tooweirdforyou]

Kidd surprising his SO with a new toy, bonus if it’s one he’s made for them? NSFW please!!! I’m so happy your box is open! I hope you’re not too swamped 🥺

Kid Making A Toy For S/O

A/N : apologies for taking so long! enjoy! :D thanks for requesting!

You know, I don’t actually know at this point, because I’ve been so busy and I’m doing so many things at once, maybe I’m just FEELING swamped but I’m really not?... ;-;

WARNING : MUCHHH NSFW AHEAD! mentions of very sinful activities. bondage, toys, overstimulation, etc.

Summary : Kid decides to reveal his latest invention to you... and it’s not what you expected.

-

“Kid, you prick—, please fucking just-!”

Screams of pleasure echoed in the room as Kid gives his usual, shit-eating smirk at the sight over your form.

Roughly yanking at your restraints, which you were sure was going to leave bruises on your wrists the next day, you sent a weak scowl to the red-head.

“Kid.. I’m..” Panting heavily over the sound of the strong vibration sending waves of over stimulating pleasure under you, you breathed out weakly. “..going to.. fucking... kill.. you..”

Loud laughter sounded the room over your cries and threats, Kid looking down at the remote in his hand and gripped it, grinning at the use of his latest creation, which, he might have to say, is his best one yet.

“Can ya handle more, [Name]? Or are you already at your limit?” He teased, smirking condescendingly at you but you were too discombobulated to respond back wittily.

The machine sitting below you, by your feet, continued its quick pace of thrusting the incorporated thick dildo right into your back entrance roughly.

While your front entrance was preoccupied with a long and rather powerful vibrator that was also built into the machine.

More screams of pleasure just escaped your lips before you could stop yourself, the dildo pounding into your ass, and it wasn’t even at max speed yet. It certainly didn’t help with all the vibrations going on.

Even more so, Kid insisted to let your mouth free just so everyone aboard the ship can hear just how well Kid was treating you.

Wriggling in your metal cuffs that chained to the end posts of the bed, you felt the nipple clamps pinching harder over your buds somehow too.

“Kid..”

Now too weak to fight back, you clenched your fists tightly and shut your eyes, having just cummed for the 4th time in just one hour.

“Please..” You begged, the pleading tone all too amusing for him.

Kid decides to finally humor you and lowers the button on his remote just enough to decrease the speed and vibration in his toy made for you, before completely shutting it off.

When you no longer felt the rough thrusting and powerful vibrating, you let out a weak, relieved exhale and tried to straightened your breathing.

Walking over to you from his chair, having enjoying the show just earlier, Kid grins down at you.

“Well, whatcha think?”

Pulling at your cuffs, you weakly laugh at him, shutting your eyes.

“I’m sore.. and..”

Opening your eyes once again, you tilt your head to face him.

“When I said I would test it for you eventually, I meant on my own.. okay? Not with you controlling it and changing it every second before keeping it at max and fucking over-stimulating me.” You managed to get out in one breath, taking a couple more deep breaths.

Kid snickers to himself and reached over to pull off the nipple clamps.

“It was quite the show.” He says, making you roll your eyes at him. “Whatever.. get me out of these, I’m exhausted as hell.”

Instead of doing as told, Kid simply moves the machine to the side and stripped himself of his clothes, his hardened member springing free.

“Oi, what are you doing?-“

“Ya really think I’m just going to let you free without havin’ my share of fun?”

Moving his creation aside, he grabs your legs and lifts them, pulling them up over his shoulders and lifted your ass up in the air a bit.

“Besides, that was just some foreplay, introductory shit or whatever. The real fun is ‘bout to start.” He smirks, a dangerous glint in his eye as he lines up his large member against your hole.

“Wait— at least give me some-“

“Too late.”

Gasping, you unintentionally slipped out a loud moan at the feel of Kid’s large cock sliding into your back entrance.

Even with Kid’s created toy having prepped and stretched you out just earlier, Kid was much thicker and stretching you further.

It didn’t help that you were so overstimulated, you were extremely sensitive to touch at this point, even if you were feeling sore as hell. So Kid could just breathe against your clit and you might cum even a little bit.

“Kid, I’m really going to fucking kill you when I have my energy back..”

Kid ignores you and grips your thighs tightly with his fingers, grunting a bit. He was a bit in disbelief how tightly you could be despite the dildo fucking you prior.

One hand releasing its grip on your thigh, ran itself across your skin up to your neck and grips it, but not enough to do actual harm. But it was tight.

“Shut up. I’d like to see ya try to kill me.” He smirks as he began to thrust in and out of you, you biting your lip at his gruff, raspy voice speaking to you.

Tilting your head up, you let Kid take control over your body. As much as you were protesting, you couldn’t help but succumb to his desires and power.

“K-Kid..” You moan out as the red-head gradually increased his pace, the bed creaking with the amount of force he was giving.

Your breast bounced with each thrust he gave, Kid groans going in sync with yours, before he leaned down.

Sliding his tongue over your left bud, he bit down on it just a bit before moving up to your skin and left small hickeys / love bites all over your breasts and collar bone.

“Do I fuck you good, [Name]? Fuckin’ tell me. Would you rather have my creation or me fuck you?”

Biting your lower lip, you breathe out. “God, you! Only you can fuck me so well, Kid.” You cry out, and hearing you seem to only snap something in him.

“That’s what I fuckin’ thought.”

With that, he pulls his hand away from your neck and grips your thighs once more, spreading your legs further.

His other hand then moved again and went to your ass, giving it a nice squeeze before forcefully slapping it hard, making you yelp in pleasure.

All you felt was pure euphoria and bliss.

“Kid, I-I’m going to-“

“Already?” He scoffs, though a large smirk was present on his face.

Not even two seconds later, you felt two fingers shove into your core and rapidly inserting in and out of you.

As he fucked you with his fingers, slyly adding a third digit when he pulled out his hand a bit just to insert it again, Kid onto rammed into you harder with his cock, making sure it hit you deep.

“Ah~ Kid, if you keep doing that, I’m-“

You couldn’t even finish as you ended up squirting right onto Kid’s hand and chest, even all over you, an extremely loud cry being heard from you.

Seems you weren’t finished though, because the squirting lasted a bit before finally dying down, but Kid didn’t stop his poundings nor his fingers.

Grinning at the messy, disoriented state you were in, he brought his cum-covered fingers over to your mouth and shoved it inside, letting you taste your own juices.

“Suck.”

His one word command was immediately obeyed as you began to suck on his fingers, swallowing the dripping wet liquid and licking them dry.

“Good, now I hope you’re ready. I haven’t came yet, and that wasn’t even round one.”

-

A/N : I know I said all nsfw were coming out first, but I wanted to make these really long but I never got around to it ;-; this is now where near as long as I hoped—

Either way, I hoped you enjoyed this and I hope it was okay. 🥺

[ecoamerica]

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!

[dumbcowboahs]

Rdr2 Fic Prompts List

-Arthur takes John to the local town because John mentions needing a christmas gift for someone special and dear to him and Arthur assuing it’s Abigail and knowing how useless John is, insists on helping. John becomes more and more confused and distressed when Arthur keeps showing him dressses and jewlery when all he wanted was to buy a preset for his horse. -Javier spikes the stew with chillis for shits and giggles and everyone is immediatly dying and trying to chug any liquid they can get their hands on, except for Sean, who eats the whole bowl without flinching. Javier is convinced he must have super human tollerance and has a whole new respect for him but actually Sean had just tried to prank the stew with lemon juice himself half an hour beforehand so had portioned off a non-contaminated bowl for himself. -Arthur goes out to do his thing and disapears for a few weeks, Dutch sends Bill out to find him but Bill doesn’t feel like it so tells everyone he died. The camp mourns and Arthur comes back three days later very confused to find a gravestone close by with his name on it. -Hosea takes Lenny out to teach him to hunt. It goes well up until they both end up getting sprayed by a skunk. No amount of bathing seems to get rid of the stench and no-one in camp will come anywhere near them. The entire camp reaks and everyone wants to d i e. Miss Grimshaw ends up filling an entire tin bathtub with tomato juice to make them bathe in. Unfortunatly the camp gets attacked half way through and they have to fight their way out, naked and covered in tomatoes. -John is struggling to deal with parenthood and doesn’t feel comfortable opening up about his stress to anyone in camp so starts going to the local town to take delux baths like three times a day so he can rant about his problems to the confused woman. No one has ever seen John so clean. -Someone makes a comment about Hosea being more useful than Dutch because he kows about hunting and forraging and it pisses Dutch off so he decides to prove them wrong and goes hunting. He doesn’t catch a single thing but brings back a whole bag of mushrooms he finds and proudly gets Pearson to cook them into the stew. The entire camp proceeds to have a shroom trip from hell because they were fuckin’ psychedelic. -Charles wakes Arthur in the middle of the night, stoicly calm but clearly deeply concerned, asking him to help hide a body. He accidently shot Micha with an arrow while hunting and doesn’t want Dutch to throw a fit thinking it’s an act of mutany. They ride all the way out to the swamps to feed him to the Gators. He wakes up on the way there because it turns out he didn’t die from the wound, but they both pretend not to hear him. -An angry badger wanders into camp and won’t leave, it keeps terrorising everyone; stealing food, biting and hissing at people, spooking the ladies. Arthur is tasked to get rid of it because he is tasked with everything, he tries to do it without shooting it but it bites him a bunch of times and nearly mauls him so he ends up killing it anyway. The next day, the camp is overrun with angry badgers looking for vegence. They eat Dutch’s shoes and he cries. -One morning Arthur wakes up and puts on his hat and it’s full of spiders. Assuming it’s John playing a bastard prank, he shoves a snake in John’s boot. John, assuming it’s Sean being a drunk dick, pisses in his beer bottle, Sean think’s Lenny is messing with him so rubs his underwear in poison ivy, Lenny thinks Bill is trying to piss him off so sticks raw fish in his pillow case. This continues for weeks and every single person in the camp ends uptrying to get revenge on everyone else like some silent prank war. Arthur’s hat was only full of spiders because Jack had been bug collecting and needed something to put them in.

[kotsuvi]

WHAT THE HQ BOYS ARE LIKE DURING THANKSGIVING/FRIENDSGIVING

a/n: okay this is kinda a take on canadian/american thanksgiving—yanno with all the pumpkin pie and the turkeys and the fall colours? i just thought it would be kind of cute.

warnings: swearing, underage drinking for some

KARASUNO

daichi: told-no, COMMANDED asahi and suga to wear fall colours. like seriously wore the brown khakis with the orange sweater and little socks with turkeys on them. it’s at his house, so he insisted that suga and asahi arrive early and sit at the table together, just to make the other guests feel bad about not being dressed up. yells at the guests to stop touching his family’s ornaments and paintings. gets kita to help babysit.

suga: was actually going to dress up anyway, so he took it as the perfect chance to wear his turkey knit sweater. it has tiny little turkeys all over it like it’s so fuckin cute. lowwwwkeyyyy makes daichi blush when he sees him but like we’re not gonna talk about it. brings a delicious fruit salad that’s eaten almost singlehandedly by lev and hinata.

asahi: panics because he doesn’t have a lot of nice things to wear. like FREAKS OUT in front of his closet, close to tears. legit settles on a tan shirt, brown pants and black boots with a slight heel. definitely gets teased by tendou about keeping the beard. “keeping it intact,” he replies. brings cabbage rolls. also brings brownies, and has to fight the urge to eat them all on the way over.

nishinoya: arrives slightly late, but worth the wait. busts through the door screaming about how hungry he is. doesn’t take of his shoes in the house so he trails mud EVERYWHERE. also sneaks in a couple bottles of cider. he’s been thinking about this feast for days, and he just can’t wait. talks with his mouth full of food. probably spits mashed potatos on akaashi at some point. gets drunk off of his secret cider and asks iwa if he likes being second best to oikawa.

tanaka: arrives shortly after noya, despite saeko speeding to get there. you can literally hear him talking from ten houses away. argues with bokuto over stupid things; ends up nearly starting a food fight. eats with his fingers, literally no utensils, and doesn’t use a napkin. secretly grossing everyone out. thinks that he can win a turkey eating contest, but daichi shuts him down before he can get started. is DEDICATED to the kareoke. even sings a song for kiyoko.

hinata: so incredibly excited to eat. this kid could not SLEEP he was so excited. gets cursed with sitting next to ushiwaka and tendou, who bully him about his hair being thanksgiving colours year-round. budges everyone in line for the food. of course daichi then makes him go last. yells at kageyama for getting the best part of the turkey: the skin. atsumu tells him that ginger beer is a new type of “delicious juice” and he drinks it all, nearly throwing up afterwards. lowkey got flustered when tanaka was singing britney spears.

kageyama: tells everyone that he doesn’t want to go, but is actually extremely excited as well. for some reason he snoops through daichi’s house while everyone is eating? he just wants to take a look around, and then suddenly he’s in daichi’s parents’ bathroom, inspecting shampoo labels. literally doesn’t eat sitting still either. he just stands behind his chair? oikawa starts a rumour that he can’t sit because he has hemorrhoids, and kags responds by throwing his drink in oiks’ face. that really starts a riot. really he just wants to be standing so he can run to the kitchen and get more food in an emergency.

tsukishima: brings his headphones just in case he’s stuck next to bokuto or someone really loud and obnoxious. of course he is. bokuto AND tanaka. everyone tries to coax him into kareoke after the meal, and he declines, but really wants to prove to kuroo that he is the most angelic singer there. “accidentally” tips his drink into bokuto’s lap, but the guy is so busy yelling at tanaka that he doesn’t even notice, so tsukki tips another. goes on his phone at the table. tells tadashi to get all his meals for him because he doesn’t want to stand in line.

tadashi: goes through one (1) mental breakdown when he’s seated beside aone instead of tsukki. pours WAAAAAAY too much gravy on his meal because he’s just so nervous. like literally SWAMPS his turkey and vegetables. his mom forced him to bring a green bean casserole. he doesn’t even like casserole. sits across from oikawa and this mans won’t stop asking for photos of him and iwa, so tadashi is tasked with that for the night. offers to help daichi with the dishes afterwards. gets awarded with an extra slice of pumpkin pie.

saeko: handed her cider to noya beforehand because she just knew that daichi would check her at the door. she gets drunk halfway through anyway. challenges iwa to an arm wrestling competition. winner gets the losers pumpkin pie with EXTRA whipped cream. the sexual tension skyrockets. she wins but accidentally shoves iwa’s fist into akaashi’s cranberry sauce. gets scolded by daichi MULTIPLE times. too drunk to care.

kiyoko: also came over early. made butternut squash that is to die for. helps set up even though she knows that it’s just going to become a mess. keeps track of the points for kareoke. may or may not have given tanaka extra points for singing “i’m a slave 4 u” by britney spears.

yachi: of COURSE this girl has to sit between aone and ushiwaka. of course it works like that. and chicky is terrified. spills her drink on the nice tablecloth and pleads for kiyoko and daichi to spare her life. thinks that the kareoke is too loud. nearly craps her pants when bokuto jumps up on the table. brings glazed donuts for dessert.

coach ukai: daichi invited him just to be polite but then he??? ended up??? coming??? literally shocked everyone into the sixth dimension. says he isnt going to stay for long, but mans is there the WHOLE night. busts out with some MR. WORLDWIDE;)))!!

AOBAJOHSAI

oikawa: his one mission was to be best dressed, and judging by the appalled look on daichi’s face when he first entered, he succeeded. this mans wont shut up either, and even tho everyone yells at him, they’re actually invested in his stories. he tells a whole bunch from middle school and his earliest volleyball memories, and everyone??? likes it??? they’re intrigued the whole time. goshiki and lev listen extra hard. mans wants pictures as well. he needs to show his fans that he does actually have friends. of course he gets the photos before kags dumps the drink on his head, and then he goes feral. teases iwa about the second best comment, but apologizes to him after, assuring that iwa is an amazing ace.

iwa: only went there for oiks. the mans had plans with his family, but he knew that it meant a lot to oikawa, so he showed up. literally goes into a FIT of rage when he loses the armwrestling match, then further infuriated with noya’s comment. chases the kid around the table. nearly knocks out his teeth by tripping into a cabinet. leaves early after throwing a temper tantrum, then receives a formal apology from both oikawa and daichi later on.

matsukawa: i just know this mans smokes at family functions, so what’s stopping him from getting high at friendsgiving? of course he only smokes a lil, just enough to get a good buzz, because he wants to still be respectful. offers to refill drinks when he gets his own. helps pack up the leftovers. tries desperately to catch iwa as he chases noya around, but doesn’t succeed. he can’t really feel his fingers or his face, so he doesn’t smile or laugh like... the whole night.

hanamaki: maybe sneaks out to join mattsun. maybe. no, definitely. and he’s not used to it, so you BET this man is trippin. he tries his best to hide it, but of course suga can tell. he confuses cranberry sauce with champagne, so he literally drinks the damn sauce from a wine glass the whole night. oikawa certainly has pictures for the next morning to prove it too. 

kyoutani: doesnt get invited to a ton of things, but he decided to go to this. brings a pumpkin, which is nice, but daichi is like wtf am i meant to do with this??? but it’s a nice gesture. tries to engage in the conversation between the twins, but only gets frustrated when he can’t hear. threatens to flip the table once. cant find the bathroom and ends up taking a piss in the yard.

NEKOMA

kuroo: the one with the kareoke machine. absolutely did not tell daichi he was bringing it, but then pulls it inside. “get a load of this bad boy!!!” “kuroo what the hell is this???” i just know that everyone wants to sit beside this man at the table. he’s cracking jokes and people are straining to hear. it’s a match between him and oiks: who’s telling the better story? also won’t leave. like it’s 2am and he’s still there, swaying alongside bokuto and coach, singing early 2000’s nelly furtado.

kenma: KUROO AND HINATA CONVINCED HIM TO DYE THE TIPS OF HIS HAIR ORANGE. he HATES it. buttttt he’s keeping it even though people tell him he’s a hinata wannabe. “but why would i want to be like shoyo?” “hey kenma that’s not very nice!!” definitely plays games at the table. doesn’t even try to hide it. gets gravy on his switch and uses lev’s shirt as a napkin.

lev: this man has enough food on his plate to feed a small village. like deadass, he doesn’t slow his eating for a BREATH. he didn’t eat the whole day just so he could be extra hungry. like 3/4 of the spread is on his plate. also like cant fit his legs under the table, so he has to eat with his chair super far away. of course this man is going to be dropping food on the floor. literally has a hole in his chin because the gravy keeps dripping out whenever he speaks.

yaku: brings champagne because it’s “an exciting night”. lowkey freaks people out with how quickly he can down a bottle. has a small amount of chicken and turkey, LARGE amount of potatos, but then as many slices of pie as he can. like legit the pieces stack up on his plate. he scolds lev for making a mess, but literally litters crumbs all over the table.

FUKURODANI

bokuto: thinks that lev and him are participating in an eating contest, even tho lev has no idea what’s going on. of course this man brought his own liquor. he knows it’s time to party. legit as soon as he’s finished eating he’s busting open the bottle. towards the end of the night he’s actually dancing on the table, narrowly missing the forks and knives. daichi, suga and kita try their very best to control him, but he’s in his element. legit was throwing it back to kuroo singing “uptown girl”.

akaashi: also brought champagne but drinks it in a fancy glass. legit with the pinky up like royalty. comes in the cutest little fall knit sweater. does NOT participate in kareoke but hums along to the songs he knows. quietly makes bets with kenma on who is going to win, and he gets a couple of victories off of goshiki. also offers to do the dishes, but unlike tadashi, he doesn’t get another slice of pie because yaku ate it all. also brings daichi a card signed by him and bokuto. he’s very thankful. (sweet bb)

SHIRITORIZAWA

ushiwaka: there is no way this man isn’t excited. tbh he didn’t even think he’d get invited, and he actually ALMOST smiled when daichi offered. mans shows up in a turtleneck. TURTLENECK. legit wearing a rolex. why does he have drip? he’s got drip. for a big dude he doesn’t eat very much. threatens atsumu with his life if he ever DARES to shake salt in his champagne again. cracks a plate from gripping it too hard while waiting in line for the dessert. he’s excited, okay?

tendou: wears something weird. like a headbands with a candelabra on it or a giant turkey broach. brings a whole jug of orange juice for himself, and you bet that he finishes it within the first fifteen minutes. honestly, he probably dips his cabbage roll into the drink. also starts a conga line around the table while goshiki is singing. semi dares him to taste some of daichi’s dish soap, and of course he does it.

goshiki: NEVER HAS ANYONE EVER SEEN THIS MAN SO EXCITED. practically bouncing off the walls. eats way too fast. slips in the kitchen trying to get to the sink because he started choking on a green bean. becomes mesmerized by saeko and insists that he’s going to become the world’s best kareoke singer. picks every song about love. okay sam smith. tries to get suna to participate but receives a look that could kill. gets scared after that, but it motivates him to sing even better.

semi: practically skips the meal and goes straight for dessert. gets a harsh scolding from daichi but he doesn’t care. “accidentally” brings up the fact that ushiwaka cuts his food weirdly because he’s left handed. the whole table goes silent. semi passes away.

INARIZAKI

atsumu: literally just went to cause trouble. was he even invited? nobody knows. osamu was, but him? well. gets drunk within the first hour. tricks hinata into trying a bunch of kita’s disgusting ginger beers. constantly kicks samu under the table. throws a shoe across the room when daichi doesn’t let him have another drink. he’s loud. VERY loud. swears far too much and violently compliments daichi on the food. “this food is so fuckin good like hella delicious, i fuckin love thanksgiving! this is the shit!!”, “atsumu your brother made all the food”, “what”

osamu: just there for the food. literally made 3/4 of the dishes, including the turkey. makes fun of daichi for being the host and literally not making any of the food. “that’s embarrassing”, but really he offered to do it waaaaay before. constantly tells atsumu he has food in his teeth. over-salts suna’s turkey just because he feels like it. he’s the dude that encourages makki to drink the cranberry sauce. offers to help vacuum the floor clean of noya’s mess, but daichi is SO done with atsumu that samu just leaves early, dragging his brother with him.

suna: catches tendou drinking the dish soap. he’s not surprised. doesn’t say anything, just nods and walks away. legit doesn’t say anything to anyone tho. like mans shows up, eats and dips. has a one two conversation with ukai about court shoes, and then he’s gone. texts daichi later and thanks him, which is extremely shocking but daichi thinks it’s really nice.

kita: hates gatherings. i know this man just despises the loud and rowdy behaviour. puts mad dog in a headlock when the dude tries to fight kageyama over the turkey skin. eats and leaves zero mess. dabs at the corners of his mouth with napkin. washes his hands before and after everything. i just KNOW he’s polite too, but really gives it to semi when he mentions ushiwaka’s left handed eating. other:

OTHERS

aone: dresses cute. gets complimented by hinata and cant stop thinking about it for the rest of the night. like lev, he eats enough to feed a small town but makes sure everyone else goes before him at dessert time. tells yachi that he loves the donuts.

terushima: definitely wasn’t invited but heard through the grapevine. shows up with one plate of cookies and a violent growling stomach. immediately takes to the kareoke, even before dinner is over. randomly bursts into song halfway through his second plate of green bean casserole. thinks that singing louder = singing better.

sakusa: clearly doesn’t want to be there. brings his own food and his own drink, but doesn’t hesitate to down a bottle of noya’s cider. complains about how close hinata is sitting is sitting to him, and then pulls out a ruler for emphasis. “whoa! where did that come from??” “get away from me.”

[luwupercal]

also to give me strength to answer that last reblog i literally started pulling out noisy fuckin music so here’s under the cut some unrelated recs of songs you should listen if you have like mild brain problems. 

blanket eye strain/possible flashing lights warning here for the videos i’ll link and blanket loudness warning

GHOST - PIERRE JANET’S CRIMINAL DEFENSE, and its same-day twin upload CULPABILITY AND THE PANOPTICON

Fire-Toolz - mailto​:​spasm​@​swamp​.​god​?​subject​=​Mind​-​Body Parallels (remixed by Sophiaaaahjkl;8901)

METAROOM - GOD RACE (flashing lights, particularly)

GHOST - perfect nothing

god i don’t even know the remix artist name but this nightcore remix of a remix of fant4stik’s bazooka, a specific remix-of-a-remix that became famous through tiktok but entered my life through youtube

ik this is the song everyone knows from Sophiaaaahjkl;8901 but here’s CHEMICAL BURN v 1.0 for ur viewing pleasure

this song i just found through youtube ads (not even kidding) so it’s a somewhat diff vibe but still counts in my heart, 4s4ki - FAIRYTALE ft Zheani

Alice Longyu Gao & Alice Glass - LEGEND (Dltzk Remix)

this SOPHIE - MSMSMSMS x Doja Cat - Tia Tamera remix

100 gecs - xXXi_wud_nvrstøp_ÜXXx remix ft Tommy Cash and Hannah Diamond (hyperpop pitbull babyyyyy) (no i’m dead serious. mr worldwideeee)

Alice Longyu Gao - Rich Bitch Juice (Laura Les remix)

this specific MEIKO cover of Omoi - テオ Teo (original ft Hatsune Miku)

QT - Hey QT. which is like. yeah of COURSE i’m putting another SOPHIE-produced song on this. not even a funny remix of it i just love how fuckin sparkly these synths are. Baby Bubbles is great too

another SOPHIE mashup with this SOPHIE - UNISIL x Charli XCX - Pink Diamond mashup that is . i will be honest better than both the original songs. yeah

Laura Les - back when i was living / Waves (there’s a sweary spoken word intro). ALSO by Laura Les, walls are closing in / come back someday, part of a proud tradition of songs about how much this party sucks

its3oe - PASSPORT GUARDIAN (nbmudkip ‘epic gamer’ remix), a song i found while clicking on very zoomer songs while making that reply! also the reason i quoted benrey in the reply. i’m loathe to talk about youtubers/streamers i watch but i’ve been vibing a lot with a few folks off the radio tv solutions lately. the original of passport guardian is also real good! these aren’t NOISY, but they’re fun, so they go in here

i was gonna add an extremely luciuscore song here since i already went off-genre (inasmuch as all of these are related by genre, that is to say, not at all) a few times but the title makes it a problem to rec this song so i’ll make another post

[niftyyslixx]

Bulk substrate made easy

I find most bulk substrate preparation methods I read online are difficult to follow, require an egregious attention to detail, and take far too long to complete. Below are the steps involved in my bulk substrate preparation method. I haven't had any contamination issues since I straight up winged this shit and nailed it the first time (except a couple times when I was drinking and improperly adjusted to field capacity). I normally get 2 60-70qt tubs and 1 shoebox tub with the recipe I'll lay out here with the method.

Substrate ingredients-

Coco Coir - (1 Brick)

Worm castings- (5 Quarts)

Vermiculite - (Big Ass Bag [varies])

Break up your coir into tiny pieces, shred if possible

Layer your coir and worm castings in a large tub

Fill a large cooking pot with about 3 inches of water, put it on the stove on high heat

Add enough water to facilitate easy mixing of ingredients

Mix it up real good now, y'hear?

Transfer your mix to the pot on the stove, top it off with enough water to facilitate easy mixing

Once your concoction is boiling, reduce it to a mid-low heat, stir occasionally for the next couple of hours (I have also just let it straight boil for a half hour and noticed no difference in performance)

You may want to clean that tub out from earlier

After a couple of hours, turn the stove off and let your concoction cool for a bit. I like to throw some ice cubes in there to speed the process or fill the bathtub with cool water and put the pot in there so it's about 3/4 submerged or so.

Once it's cool enough to handle, transfer your substrate back into that big tub from before using a strainer. I reccomend draining excess water from your substrate by giving it a push down against the bottom of your bathtub or sink.

I reccomend adding vermiculite after each strainer full of substrate is added to your mixin' tub. Much easier to get l i t t l e b i t s done at a time as opposed to a swamp of substrate a half foot deep. Be sure to mix 'er up good now, y'hear?

Check to make sure your moisture content is optimal by getting a handful of substrate and giving it a squeeze. If this results in just a couple (and I mean two) drops of substrate juice leaking from between your fingers like the blood of your enemy after you rip out their still beating heart and giving it a squeeze on the battlefield, it's perfect!

K, you're good to go, spawn your tubs, shits a fuckin cake walk, aint it?

[kushblazer666]

anyone who scoffs at ‘but its a dry heat’ has never lived in the fuckin swamp. when i went to arizona it was surprisingly pleasant even tho i was walkin around on 90+ days in the sun cuz my Sweat was actually Working here in the midwest you just Stew in your Juices. actually on the day i flew into phoenix in july it was 103 and it rained and i felt like i was being smothered in a sopping comforter but otherwise. no complaints

[amethystgelfling]

Who are your top ten dark crystal AOR characters? :D

Hmmmm, top 10? Not in any particular order, but I think you can guess who my absolute favourite is lmao

1) Gurjin - it’s no secret that I love Gurjin, which is why I’ve placed him at number 1! We love a ride or die himbo prince 🥺 such a loyal, kind, considerate swamp man!! even when he is faced with death he stays loyal to his friend cause guess what bitch - GURJIN AINT GOT TIME FOR YOUR SHIT, GURJIN WILL DIE FOR HIS PALS!! RIDE OR DIE BITCH!!!

2) Rian - my son! I love Rian. I think he lives up to his title, brave, on so many different levels. A real hero!!💙 for real though. Boy goes through some serious shit and still makes it his duty to deliver justice!! Icon!!

3) Kylan - sweet boy. wise boy. must be protected at all costs! I love Kylan’s character so much because he’s so refreshing to me; in the midst of chaos and war and tragedy, he brings a certain calmness and I love how soft he is. Book Kylan and Series Kylan are both equally as precious to me!

4) Brea - I loved Brea before the trailer had even dropped, to me she is one of the most beautiful Gelflings. I love her personality and her great sense of justice and how brave she is!

5) Deet - ah, Deet, my little green baby. Deet is beyond precious, she has a genuine sense of kindness which I think is so sweet!

6) Mira - my poor Mira. I absolutely adore Mira and I feel so robbed that we saw so little of her. Pls don’t come for me but personally, I think she is the most beautiful Gelfling 🥺 I love her quick wit and her fun nature. Rip my baby 💔

7) Naia - 1 badass swamp princess? Yes pls!!! I love both book Naia and series Naia and wish both she and Kylan had more of an appearance in the series. Naia proves that the love you have for your sibling knows no bounds; she’s a great character and I also love her a lot!!

8) skekVar - ah, my big dumb bird husband. 1/3 of the only skeksis I tolerate. I love Var because he has typical soccer coach/jock vibes and he’s dumb as all shit. 10/10 would recommend Var.

9) skekEkt - drama! spill the tea! beauty guru! Ekt is absolutely fucking fabulous. Fellow skeksis dead? String him up! Slap some makeup on him! We’re not dying looking dusty, not around here, sisters! For me, Ekt is like the skeksis equivalent of a real housewife. (Insert Real Housewives of Thra AU here) one of the skeksis who just genuinely does not give a shit what the others think of him, he’s the best and he knows he’s the best.

10) Tavra - my sweet Vapran princess, I will avenge you 🥺 Tavra is just so cool. Minds her own business and steps in when it’s necessary. Sees things from a logical perspective, is fair and loves her sisters fiercely. Also, iconic rebel? Mom said no other clans, Tavra said fuck you mom, I’m gonna sneak away to hang out with my cool Sifan girlfriend and you can’t stop me bitch!! Tavra sips on that I love my girlfriend juice permanently!!! Tavras the fuckin boss!!

I could keep writing this list forever! Like I said, it’s not in any particular order, but these are the characters that stand out the most but I promise I love them all! Thank you for the ask! 💜

[charmandhex]

For the micro fiction (chosen from a couple random dice rolls) how about either 28 [Angus] or 35 - or both!

Hi Rachel! Both it is! Also, the former deals with a very specific sort of AU for Ango; see if you can spot it. ;)

~

28 - something about [them], Angus

“You’re teaching the kid magic now?” Merle nearly yells, the shout loud even in the cafeteria, and every person in a five table radius looks over.

“Yeah, and I was trying to keep that quiet, but I guess that’s blown,” Taako hisses back.

“But why?”

“Yeah, why? You’re always mean to him.” Magnus points out through a mouthful of turkey leg.

“Magnus, you put a fuckin’ ‘kick me’ sign on him at Candlenights!” Taako sputters, indignant.

Neither Magnus nor Merle reply though, instead staring expectantly at Taako.

Taako lets out an exasperated sigh, rolling his eyes. “I dunno.” Taako shrugs. “Just something about Ango I guess. Something...”

“Weird?” Merle blurts out gleefully. “Please say the kid’s weird.”

“Familiar.” Taako says more slowly, drawing out the word, uncertainty twining around it even as it leaves his mouth.

Angus’s little half-elf ears twitch as though his passive perception is finally kicking in. He notices the three of them looking in his direction and cheerfully waves at them before returning to his book and his lunch.

Taako leans back in his seat. “Yeah, you know, plus, he’s a good kid. We’re just assholes.”

Yeah, sure, there’s something familiar, but it’s not too familiar.

As he continues reading, Angus’s ears twitch again, in a way Taako hasn’t ever really seen on anyone else. Just himself.

Not too familiar, but not too not familiar.

~

35 - filthy

The Director takes a long drink out of her fishbowl of fermented grape juice, staring unblinking into the distance, as Merle hops into the tub of mud next to hers, high-fiving his new soulwood hand as he settles in.

“So, mud bath, huh?”

“Yep.” The Director pops the p and swirls the wine around in her glass.

“Don’t you think... I’m just saying, seems a little messy for you.”

“It’s good for the skin. Prevents aging.” She responds, dryer than the Woven Gulch in the summer.

“Really?”

“Yeah, and it works; I’m actually over 100 years old.”

Merle peers at her, squinting. The Director meets his gaze, unflinching. “I’m pretty sure that’s bullshit.”

The Director laughs. “Yes, it’s... I was making a joke of sorts. But what about you? I know you’re a nature cleric, ah, specializing in plants, but a beach dwarf in a mud bath still seems counterintuitive.”

“Oh yeah. Well, you know, I end up getting what Taako calls ‘disgustingly damp’ every time you send us out anyway.” Merle says with a shrug, using air quotes around Taako’s descriptor.

“Really?”

“Oh yeah! Every time!” Merle starts counting on his fingers. “First there was the time in Klaarg’s cave where the gerblins flooded it. Then spring break in Wave Echo Cave. And then on the way to that train, we crash-landed into a swamp, and I sunk in all the way and looked like a shit-monster. During the race I got dropped into a tank, and an octopus bit me in the face. And then in Lucas’s lab a giant cockroach spit cockroach acid all over me.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah!”

“Only five times?”

“HEY!”

Seems like the Director has a sense of humor after all.

~

Send in requests for micro stories!

[beetlebop]

Okay maybe like Lyds is sick & stressed about school & everything so beej, being the best friend he is (beetleb*bes dni) he tries helping her out ??( really barbs is the one helping but hey, he tries)

hell ye i can!! im always up for wholesome beetlebesties hcs 👏👏👏 also tag this as beetleb*bes and ill fuckin fite u

lydia probably got extremely swamped by homework and due dates to the point she probably worked herself to being sick

she’s frustrated bc stuff that is very important to her grades are coming up rlly fast but she’s forced to stay in bed and get better

beetlejuice hears about it probably through barb and adam and takes it upon himself to help her get better — because who better to do that than her best friend??

cue bj trying to make soup for lyds and probably about to add like rats or bugs to the mix and barb seeing it and rushing over to stop him bc that’s not sanitary beetlejuice !!!

he’s very confused bc that’s what he ate to feel better when he got sick and it worked like a charm???? how else is lydia supposed to get better??

barbara takes it upon herself to take over the cooking much to bjs disappointment so barb says he can bring lydia some liquids.

so that’s what he does — juice she’s got it. water already in her hands before she can say anything.

once barbara is done cooking she hands the tray to beetlejuice and takes it up to lyds and even goes so far to blow on the soup for her so it’s not too hot for her

if she ever gets too cold beetlejuice just c o v e r s her in blankets.

if she’s sleeping it off either due to cold medication or she’s just tired and anyone is making any noise he just floats around the house going “shhhh lyds is asleep and if you wake her ill make sure your life is hell.”

once she’s feeling better they just have a screaming match because that’s the best way to get rid of stress right?? screaming at one another.

[hearteyes-for-killmonger]

Meet and Greet

Yes, this is an MBJ fic and don't be mad. It's all in good fun. We fans. Not the crazy ones, just...

Anyway. Mike wouldn't be mad, he has a sense of humor. Happy Birthday @ange-sensuel my fellow scorpio queen. I love you, you're beautiful, and my mind got to working, so this is what came out.

Smut Ahead

▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪▪

"Fuuck..," Michael dragged through flared nostrils watching the petite and masterfully built brown woman work voodoo magic between his thighs. She was down on her knees sitting on a pillow, sucking her little heart out along with his soul. Her silver dress draped over the hotel bed along with her fur. Without him having to ask, she'd kept the heels on.

When he'd initially invited the stranger to his room, it was out of intrigue. She was a beautiful, clean, classy woman with long hair, long elegant legs and neck, a beautiful face, and big titties. He didn't think she'd be so nasty or focused on his pleasure, yet here she was.. making a mess of his dick and he couldn't take it. He could barely even speak. God if this woman looks me in the eyes she gone fuckin get it, he thought unsure of whether he wished for it or against it. She was fuckin him all up.

Angel's eyelashes fluttered and she gazed feverishly with bloodshot eyes up into Mike's own hooded eyes, her throat full of heated raw dick that was sensitive to the touch. Thick ropes of white saliva spilt from the corners of her full ruby red lips, collecting at his base as she moved her head back and forth swiftly. She could feel his tight fist gripping her long blown out strands into a makeshift ponytail.

"You fuckin nasty, suck that shit," he strained, sweat forming on his brow. The look is his eyes said, suffer bitch. His mouth was wide, an O before his big lips began to purse and pout. He was locked the fuck in, nodding, making tense eye contact.

Angel could feel his strong lust, palpable. It only made her hungrier to possess the man she'd dreamt about since she was a child watching Hardball. This meeting was a decade in the making. Meeting Michael was everything she'd dreamed it would be. When she'd approached him at the New Orleans meet and greet, he was taken by her flamboyance. Distracted. Her mild peacocking had worked. He was extremely friendly, playful, and flirtatious. In a short, fitted satin rouched silver dress coupled with a luxurious fur and tulle bolero that read old Hollywood glam, she was in her element. Photographers mistook her for a celebrity asking her name, but no one recognized it. Michael was no different, he'd asked her identity not recognizing her from any magazine or red carpet. Despite that, she sent him all the signals she knew how to show him she was interested and he'd picked up on every one, ultimately asking if she wanted to go with him back to his hotel. She was years past ready.

But he sure wasn't.

The wet and echoing gluck, gluck, gluck, was only interrupted by her harsh gasp as she attempted to cram minutes of breathing into a brief second. The glossy strong dick coated and dripping with her thick spit was calling out to her. She let the pool of excess spit collecting in her mouth drool heavily onto his length, sliding down his balls and to his hairless asscrack. The large cloth hotel chair Michael sat on was wet, stained with her spit. She grasped his dick firmly in her small hand, her index, thumb and pinky nails painted salmon pink with small silver and crystal appliques at the base. Her middle fingernails were marbled pink and grey. Her matching bra and panties were pink lace. She could tell he was enjoying that colorful view along with her silver stacked finger rings. She hadn't done it for him at all, but she knew he loved and appreciated it. It was just who she was naturally. Panting, she gobbled his length hungrily with a desperate moan. She felt insatiable.

Her perfume kept hitting him, the smell alive in the air. Light and natural notes, sweet but mildly floral. She had elegant taste to the most minute of details. Out of all the girls he'd had sex with since he'd been poppin in Hollywood, she smelled the best and her head was top tier. She dared him to look away from her pretty, messy face, but he knew better. If there was anything he was good at to the same degree as acting, it was sex and though Angel was great, he knew he was better. He refused to be shown up in either field.

But in that moment, as he was squeezing her head and simultaneously digging his thick fingers into the arm of the chair, it was a struggle to last like he was used to doing. Her aggression was about to explode him. He lifted his hips feeding himself to her as she devoured all he had.

Angel watched his control slip, his face contorting and his breathing getting louder as he gradually lost control over his body. She felt herself getting wetter just knowing that the control had shifted to her. She wanted him to cum hard and in her mouth and when he did, it was with a heavy sigh as though he were releasing a ghost. The taste of him was pleasant, something she was already adapting to having had no previous experience. Indeed, she was a virgin, but an eager and hungry one. She'd plotted for years to lose her virginity to this man.

As she cherished the oxygen hitting her lungs, she watched him breathe, spent, his head thrown back against the seat cushion. He had a fresh close cut, almost bald and he was the thickest she'd seen him since Black Panther. God bless his trainer, Corey, she thought. In a blink, he was up.

He'd leaped from the chair, recovered, and lifted Angel to her feet then into his arms. She weighed next to nothing. Perfect to manhandle. He dropped her onto into the bed and yanked her ankle flipping her quickly onto her stomach. Immediately she arched and he took a step back to admire the view. If he was half hard before after nutting.. he was fully hard now. She wiggled her ass in the air, her middle on full display.

"Do you want this ass? Come get it. Come on, Kari," she encouraged playfully.

"Damn, the government huh," he joked, his thick hands coming down hard to slap both of her cheeks before spreading them. He turned to pull a condom out, lubricated.

"Eat this pussy," Angel said a bit more directly. "I wanna feel what those lips do."

Before she could finish her sentence, his mouth was on her, his lips soft like two plush pillows. She felt those pussy pillows pinch and suck on each part of her flower, teasing and testing the sensitivity. She moaned softly as she ascended to heaven feeling his warm, long, wet tongue flatten and drag purposefully.. slowly, up her slit. The juice from his mouth mingled with her wetness as he drooled his excess saliva back onto her core. She could feel the sensation of it dripping. Long, quick laps followed, his flat tongue licking wet stripes before using the tip to strike her with precision.

He ate her cat from the back, wet noises filling the air. It sounded like a pitbull lapping water from a dish and it was what he resembled. Angel's dish overflowed with her water. Mike could feel it in his mustache though he'd shaved his beard.

"That muhfucka wet," he whispered to no one in particular, licking his lips. Her taste was still there. He let his heavy bottom lip hang as he kneeled on the bed and pushed Angel forward, scooting closer. "You gone throw it back?" He pushed Angel's back down again and her arch was immaculate. With the perfect angle he slid in and she made a noise that was a hissing groan on transition to a purr.

"When the last time you got some good dick," he asked gliding in and out, working her open like a blossom. "You the first," she laughed breathlessly before biting her lip, her small hands gripping the cover. She felt the power of his strokes knocking her forward. It was no wonder he had so many women, he had good díque and knew how to use it.

"Uh, fffffuck," she gasped, panting. It was a new and intense feeling for her but she was determined to show out and make this moment something truly special. She planted her hands firmly and threw her ass back, matching a surprised Mike stroke for stroke. She was close to coming and then she did, her rhythm breaking then ceasing. His heavy hands came down again on both of her asscheeks and he reached forward to collect her hair, pulling it to make her arch again, her head back and close enough for him to bend and whisper into her ear.

"Use my government again," he grunted hammering her into the mattress.

"Bakari," she moaned. "Now say my name."

"FUCK... Angel with the good pussy," he smiled. That was exactly how he planned to save her into his phone. Next time he was in New Orleans, he knew who to call for some good box.

Showered and redressed, Angel stepped to the door. "Anytime you want a true local to show you the city the correct way, call me, we can link."

"Where you think you going Angel with the good pussy," he smiled, the look in his eye saying to stay put. He was on his way to shower, but he had to stop to stop her from walking out. "Y'all swear I'm some fuckboy or fuck nigga.. Nooo," he shook his head dramatically before whispering, "No." Angel stepped away from the door with a smile and humored huff causing her shoulders to bounce.

"Stay put. I'm a take a shower and you can show me the city. I wanna see some crocodiles," he said quickly.

"Boy, that's Florida. Alligators are native to Louisiana. I'll take you to the swamp to see some."

"That's why you the tour guide," he pointed. "I'll be right back," he confirmed before disappearing into the bathroom.

Angel checked her phone for messages before hitting up her group chat. "Met Bakari." That was all the juice she was giving away until her little adventure ended. She could see her mentions blowing up already in the chat. Her friends knew she was in love and plotting. She was clever, driven, supermodel beautiful, and full of love to give. He didn't deserve her, but she'd chosen him and after her positive experience she was glad she had. She could hear the water running from the shower and she cut the television on to a random channel to pass the time. Angel looked around and grinned, kicking her feet, tickled. She planned to be the best tour guide in all Louisiana.

The End.. or is it the beginning? 🧐💕💕

Lmbo jk it's a one shot. Happy Birthday again baby love.

@hold-me-like-a-heart-beat  @simplyyamberr @whoramilaje  @bitemyxxx  @bonita-juanita

@eriknutinthispoosy  @blackpinup22 @thadelightfulone  @yaachtynoboat711 @youreadthatright

@inlovewithmakeupcomicsanimelove @bidibidibombaclaat  @priya212 @romanceoftheeveryday  @muse-of-mbaku @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade  @kreolemami @myboyfriendgiriboy  @loosewindmill  @wakanda-inspired  @madbadsiren  @theunsweetenedtruth @panthergoddessbast  @allhailnjadaka @amethyst1993  @thehomierobbstark @purplehairgawdess  @supersizeme @blackpantherismyish  @drsunshine97  @thiccdaddy-mbaku  @wawakanda-btch  @killmongersprncss @imaginewhoever  @niggarachi15 @hidden-treasures21  @pupyluv247  @phoenixxx1225 @violet-ines  @indigoxsummers  @janelledarling @imasmille   @sweetsexysavagery @mermaidchansons  @destinio1  @ash-moneyy @ljstraightnochaser @forbeautyandlife @iamrheaspeaks @elle-luring @yoyolovesbucky @ilovebubblesz  @awkardlyabstract @beautifulqueenflaws  @slimmiyagi @sidneebleu@vikkidc @chaneajoyyy

[n7soldiered]

CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE note:  I'm crazy busy these days and am getting zero sleep.  Worked on this for the past couple of days but my clarity has been fluctuating.  I'm sorry if some of this makes little sense or contradicts.  I promise I’ll go back to fix this later.  I'm just really tired/stressed working overtime.  Also, please note that much of this is dictated by interaction, too.  It’s obvious who John is closest to.

GENERAL

NAME:  John ‘Anderson’ Shepard. ALIAS(ES):  n/a AGE:  29 — PLACE OF BIRTH:   Shepard was born somewhere on earth.     I haven’t worked out the circumstances yet.  As far as I’m concerned, he grew up somewhere in Canada because he speaks with a hint of Canadian dialect.  I mean, Meer is Canadian, so it makes sense, y’know?  I was thinking about following Vanderloo’s origins, have him hail from the Western Netherlands just to shake things up, but, I don’t think it matches as well as having him come from Canada.  The accent is just too important a detail to ignore.  If I remember correctly, canon states Shepard is from Canada?

SPOKEN LANGUAGES:   It actually took an extensive amount of research for me to work this out.  I’ve learned that I know nothing about Canada and wow, there are a lot of languages spoken there.  According to many statistical charts, I’d found online, John’s accent isn’t strong enough for me to assume he’s from eastern Canada.  He probably grew up somewhere in the heart of Canada ( just like Meer’s birthplace ), toward the west coast but not too far out.  

So, Shepard is fluent in English, Canadian French, and struggles only slightly with metropolitan ( modern ) French, mainly in correcting his inflection and intonation.  Sometimes he forgets how informal he is with his speech, but he’s quick to adjust.  He’s also thoroughly acquainted with slang-speech.  He learned most, if not all, of his French while growing up on the streets.

I also have this little developing headcanon about John and other alien languages.  If there’s a chance he can vocalize the tones required, he’ll want to learn a few words.  Maybe even ditch the translator sometimes if he gets good enough, just for the hell of it.  Shepard loves a good challenge and he likes to learn about other cultures.  He’s rather open-minded and adventurous in that sense.

SEXUAL ORIENTATION:  John is a demiromantic pansexual, borderline demisexual, if not demisexual, in his adult years.  However, that isn’t to say he didn’t have his fair share of flings.  By the time he hit the academy, and subsequently, ICT, romance just wasn’t something he had time for.  And that served to develop demisexual traits. OCCUPATION:  Alliance soldier, Commander, Spectre.

APPEARANCE

EYE COLOR:  blue. HAIR COLOR:  brown. HEIGHT:  6’2″. SCARS:  While I’ve always thought the renegade scars are a cool aesthetic to have, it’s never made any sense to me that the scars are completely limited to their face ( in-game )? John had never put forth the resources to completely heal his facial scarring.  You shouldn’t have to squint to see them.  If you look, they’re there.  Not prominent, but there.  When experiencing high emotions or anger, his scars glow orange ‘neath the skin.

Also, please note that the location of John’s scarring correlates with the game’s canon cinematic ( yes, I examined the cinematic for way too long lmao ).  The worst of his scarring is located on his chest, midsection, left back, and around and under the armpit.  They’d operated around there the most, with the goal of preserving his heart.  His right collarbone was completely removed, as well as the bones in his right wrist and shoulder.  Scars rope his right arm, starting from the wrist to the upper shoulder.  After having been obliterated upon surface impact, his left knee had received a prosthetic.  Both femur bones, one right finger, and three left fingers are prosthetics.  ... He has a lot of prosthetics.  I’m still working on this one, though.  Post-reaper war, his prosthesis fuck up his gait.  After investing much time in physiotherapy, he discards the wheelchair and adopts a walking cane.

FAVORITE

            Wow.   I haven’t thought about any of this before so please, bear with me as we get through this.   Though I doubt I’ll be changing much, some of these headcanons are subject to change as I develop John.

COLOR:   Blue—light blues.   Baby blue.  Pastel pinks.   Pastels(???).  I don’t think he cares for extremely dark colors or anything neon.  The aesthetic of neon lights reminds him of his childhood, ‘home’, but there’s no fondness tied to the remembrance. HAIR COLOR:  Disregarding personal attraction entirely, he thinks blond hair is pretty.   Pure. EYE COLOR:  I don’t know why this detail amuses me so much but—blue.  I suppose there’s a bit of narcissistic bias on his part in that, but, if there’s one thing John likes about himself, it’s his blue eyes.  Since that seemed kinda predictable, I’ll point out that aside from blue, hazel eyes fascinate him.  Jane and Jyn’s bright green eyes are beautiful to him, and when the light catches just right, Kaidan’s eyes shine an amber gold.   And that, my friends, blows the dude’s fuckin’ mind, I swear.  Having blue eyes for all his life, it’s enthralling for John to see a weave of green and brown in someone’s gaze.   It’s the little things, y’know?

ENTERTAINMENT:   This is a ridiculously broad question.    When condensed into a measure of a few days, or even a few hours, shore leave doesn’t often provide John enough unfettered time to seek a means of entertainment.   He’s kind of a workaholic.  However, if there is time on his hands, it’s spent catching up with friends.  Maintaining relationships is an absolute priority for John.  Regardless of the era, without his companions and loved ones, he wouldn’t have made it this far in life.  He feels like he owes it to them to visit and put in some quality time, hanging out and just chatting.  I’d imagine they’d go out and eat, go see the latest action vid or whatever. PASTIME:   What annoys me the most about this question is that no matter how I explain what Shepard enjoys doing in his free time, he’ll still seem like a complete square.  … Like I said, he doesn’t get enough free time as it is.  If he isn’t working on reports and whatever paperwork the alliance swamped him with, he’s working out, eating, or getting some goddamned sleep for once.

FOOD:   GOD.  THIS IS THE HARDEST QUESTION IN THE UNIVERSE WTF.   Okay, after dropping another day into thinking about this—and I know I’m going a bit off tangent—I’ve come to the conclusion that John is a Fool.

As awful as it sounds, he prefers eating ration bars, and he eats them way too often.  I'm not saying he likes them, I’m saying he prefers them.   Although they’re mostly kept for when they’re on the front lines, ration bars aren‘t thirst provoking and they’re nutrient dense, which pass them as ideal for his backward-stupid mindset.

With approximately 4,000 calories packed into a block, he can just shove that in his face and go straight back to work.

It’s also imperative to understand that good tasting food will be eaten too fast; they recommend bad tasting emergency food as it will be eaten only when necessary.  John ‘prefers’ to eat bars of chalk, apparently.

When it comes to normal food, John relishes any chance to eat meat.  He loves comfort foods such as ribs, steak, mac and cheese, bacon, ham, mashed potatoes, chicken-anything etc.  High-calorie count dishes don’t faze him.  He could clean out someone’s fridge in one go.  On the sweet spectrum ...  While he isn’t big on sweets like ice-cream and decadent cakes, that doesn’t mean he’ll turn them down.   John didn’t get to have those things as a kid.

He also likes dessert pastries.  They’re tiny and delicate and he has trouble bringing himself to eat carefully decorated ones.  Has a soft spot for sweet cinnamon and custard-anything.   Likes cinnamon rolls and pecan pie.  A lover of brown sugar.  Still doesn’t know what ‘the hell a macaroon is.   Someone buy him a macaroon.

DRINK:   I don’t see John as someone who drinks soda regularly.   His go-to drinks are water, fruit juices, and tea.  As someone who doesn’t drink alcohol, therefore cannot contribute much firsthand knowledge to this headcanon aside from providing detailed descriptions of the taste from various sources, I believe John appreciates good whiskey.  Bourbons, if you want to get specific.  Ryes on a good day, and rums, on the nights he knows he can kick back without worrying about the next morning.  Gin and vodka, on the undoubtedly bad nights.  

Still, I don’t really see him as someone who gets absolutely hammered on purpose.  Although whiskey will lead to a much worse hangover, even if ingested carefully, something tells me he just doesn’t care for much else?  If he drinks, he’d rather the drink taste good.

BOOKS:  [ answered ]  you mean the concept of shepard, having enough free time on his hands to read a book?  sorry, but you’ve got the wrong shepard.  i’ll be frank, i doubt he cares much for reading books, less if it’s fiction.  unless there’s intel to gain that will aid in his current objective, even biographies don’t make the cut.  john reads news reports and mission debriefings … sometimes, if he’s feeling up to it.  once again, content relevance and long-term value are what sways shepard’s interest in engagement.  besides, he enjoys vids way more than books.  less quiet.  less boring.

HAVE THEY

PASSED UNIVERSITY:  no. HAD SEX:  … yes. HAD SEX IN PUBLIC:  no. GOTTEN SOMEONE PREGNANT:  no. KISSED A MAN:  yes. KISSED A WOMAN:  yes. GOTTEN TATTOOS:  I’m still thinking about this one.  perhaps, from jack. GOTTEN PIERCINGS:  He’s thought about it as a young, reckless teen, but no.   In a normal modern verse, he’s pierced his ears. HAD A BROKEN HEART:    Uh.   The closest thing John’s had to a ‘broken heart’ is when Kaidan had spurned his offer to join the Normandy SR-2 on Horizon.  However, the sentiment had been a direct contradiction to his beliefs at the time.  Despite John’s reliable sense of optimism, he had been certain he would die destroying the collector base.  The fact that Kaidan decided against joining had eased as much as it had crushed his spirit.

Also can’t forget his reunion with Liara.  When she’d kissed him upon reuniting but chose to follow her work instead of leaving with him, he’d felt bitter inside.   While he realized she had more important things to handle at the time, John was butthurt.  You kinda can’t blame him.

BEEN IN LOVE:   Yes.  But only after he’d met his ‘canon romance’.  John only knew of ‘puppy-love’ before then. STAYED UP FOR MORE THAN 24 HOURS:  definitely.

ARE THEY

A VIRGIN:   Why would you ask this when, in just the previous section, you inquired if he’s ever had sex?  Omg this meme.  I suppose I could delve into this, then.  Oh, let me just mention, John is ... really, terribly oblivious sometimes.  Given his background and his comparatively early admittance into the alliance military, he simply hadn’t garnered enough experience with the normality of intimacy in relationships, be it casual or not.  I bet a lot of the social cues flew right over his head.  

When individuals came on to him, which did happen a handful of times while in ICT, it was painfully obvious what they wanted, but John was never convinced until they’d slapped down an outright offer.  I have a good feeling he lost his virginity around this time of his life.  These experiences were more like one-night stands.  Extremely cut and dry affairs since most were more focused on getting off rather than expecting something out of it. A CUDDLER:  Yes.   The little spoon, too haha  p: A KISSER:  I mean.  Does he have lips??  Of course, he likes to kiss.  I dunno if he’s much of any good at it...  But John’s good at everything he does so. A SMOKER:  In his youth, yes. SCARED EASILY:   Goddamn right, Shepard gets scared easily.  And his fear manifests in a remarkably strange manner if you ask me.   But first, I must address what constitutes as ‘scary’.  What Shepard faces on a regular basis is life-threatening so, we’ll be disregarding trivial things like horror movies etc ...   Fear, for John, evolves into driving factors for him, motivation—for lack of better wording.  If anyone—or anything—happens to threaten his loved ones, especially, while he isn’t there to do something about it, himself, Shepard is prone to all manners of violence and extreme behavior.  In short, John gets fucking pissed when he’s truly scared.

JEALOUS EASILY:   John is.  ... Possessive.   And I say that with a measure of self-conflict as well, because I don’t think he’s possessive either.  It might just be too soon to know.  From what I’ve gleaned off his temperament, and his intermittent displays of headstrong aggression, he demonstrates jealousy and possessiveness only when driven too far.

John is a patient man, but he’s far from a saint.

Let’s just say, for example, his lover decides to chat up another individual.  Just an amicable discussion.  However, that individual seems to inch closer and closer to his lover.  Combine that with some not-so-friendly-touches and his lover, made uncomfortable by that, and you will have John seeing red.  God, forbid the situation ever flips the other way around.  I don’t imagine he’d take infidelity well...    Trust is everything to John. TRUSTWORTHY:   You won’t find a more loyal, reliable, and honest man. DOMINANT:   Oh, god.   This is one I’ve been experiencing trouble figuring out.   John is ‘dominant’ for reasons that are obvious.  He’s a ranking officer; a commander; a spectre, a captain, and above all, a leader.  No matter how you crop it, John is a dominant force to be reckoned with.  Hmmm.  However, when loved ones are involved, and the situation is domestic and not dangerous, John is rendered useless lmao.   Around the right people, he’s softhearted and ridiculously malleable.  If they asked, he’d bend over backward for them.  But only for them, y’know? SUBMISSIVE:   I —  o h.   ...  This is awkward.   I only just now realized there might be a sexual theme to ‘dominant’ and ‘submissive’.   Wow.  Okay, well, I’m not gonna get too into that.  John is malleable around loved ones.  That’s really all there is to it.  So far, Jane, Kaidan, and Ryan have him wrapped around their fingers. SINGLE:  ( verse dependent ).

RANDOM QUESTIONS

WANTED TO KILL SOMEONE:  yes. ACTUALLY KILLED SOMEONE:   the count is steeper than he’d like. RIDDEN A BEAST:  … Yes?  I bet he asked Wrex to piggyback him once.  Probably got headbutted instead.   And I have no doubt that grunt had to piggyback him when injured. HAVE/HAD A JOB:   yes. HAVE ANY FEARS:   lkfkjlsflkd.   For now, I will list a couple of things because, once again, these are things I’ve only vaguely speculated rather than fully explored.

1.  failure. 2.  here, have one he reveals himself: ❝ I’M  NOT  AFRAID  TO  DIE. ❞           shepard held their eyes, aware they could see straight into the shadows at the bottom of his gaze, and all the harshly controlled thoughts and fears that burned there.   he felt the rush of cool air brush against his cheek, and the shift of reality began to decline like the tides of  VIRMIRE,  falling back from every nerve.   john plunged himself into it, down uncertain contours of dislodged sentiments and reverent possibilities on the rise, moving in a disorganized flurry, windswept within his mind.

another distant look in the commander’s eyes.  perhaps, fighting one of the many battles that never showed.   ❝ i’m afraid of SURVIVING.   getting to the end of this fucking war, only to find out i’m ALONE.   that everyone I knew and cared for is GONE       ! ❞

FAMILY

SIBLING(s):  Jane Shepard, Ryan Shepard.   ( twins | verse dependent ). canon:  none PARENTS:  David Anderson.   ( adoptive father | verse dependent ) canon:  none CHILDREN:  none.  ( verse dependent? ) canon: none PETS:  I will be featuring his pets in a completely different post. TAGGED BY: @risenspectre  Thank you! TAGGING:  @littleredrenegade​ @sentinelmade​ @therevcnant​ @kyberborne​