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jungxk · 3 years

Text

just one (viii)

summary: the only guy on campus who’s track record trumped that of your best friend’s - park jimin - was jeon jungkook. not that that was a problem…until he set his sights on you.

notes: first of all i wanna thank the people who supported me and encouraged me through one of the worst writers blocks of my life. all the messages and comments are the reason why i finally managed to post this. special thanks to @whippedforkook for helping me with the monstrous tagging process as well as giving me so much praise. and also @lonelyending for cheering me on for a literal YEAR bc thats how long i cried over this fic! this story is so special to me. we’re in the home stretch now x

warnings: mentions of illegal drug use and distribution, swearing, brief smut.

genre: drama, romance, humour, college!au

wordcount: 8k

tagging: @cutechim @benz-biarritz @gyukult @bangulin @eatersanonymous @alyssa1926 @skivv1es @a-sucker-for-them-sappy-shit @moonights @jeymuffins @juuneaux @catsukiii @andreaisaac @whatheydontunderstand @sreveles @noruls619 @henryharios @just-a-fuxked-up-kid @befriendswithj @btsbesharam @poemsandpunani @taelha @misosoup-forthesoul @jikooksmut @heart-eyedmf @the-piano-woman @angrysunshine @chaoticpaperfanhoagie @jsungshine @ci-yen @faby-montana @shinypeanutsportshero @jooniestrivia @alucards-s @cynamyngirl @jiminie-angel @myskoova @jkshoneybuns @smokintae @remmykinsff @majinbuwu @jangx2manboongx2 @potatodogs @seul-queen @alpharyth @blenxxxg @plsky @th-singularity @bapbaptothetop @hermiones-enchantment @stomachfilledwithbutterflies @euphorora @supachloe94 @jiminxjimout @ggukkieland @just-another-fic-recs-blog @jalexad

part i // part ii // part iii // part iv // part v // part vi // part vii // part viii // part ix // part x

4 years ago

jimin hated yugyeom.

well, maybe hate was a strong word. he just didn't like talking to him, being around him, hearing his name or interacting with him on any level, social or otherwise. he really tried though, since he was one of jungkook's closest friends and still respectfully referred to him as hyung above all else. and if anything, jimin would always have a soft spot for jungkook, the kid he used to coddle when his own brother wasn't around. but having said that, there wasn't really much basis for not liking yugyeom. it was just a gut feeling jimin couldn't explain, a very subtle callousness about him only jimin could pick up on. for the most part he was just like very other mild mannered boy by day and party animal by night, but jimin still ducks when he sees him enter the library.

"fuck," he hisses under his breath, scooping up his laptop to stride behind a book shelf for good measure. because sometimes, contrary to popular belief, jimin wanted to be alone. he didn't want to make small talk or listen to someone tell him about how well they scored on their last paper or complain about their annoying girlfriend. sometimes jimin wanted to have no thoughts and listen to fleetwood mac as per his human rights. which is why he shoves into the first private study room he sees.

and not an empty one at that. there's a girl inside, sitting cross-legged in her chair at a desk with an array of dried up paint tubes and brushes surrounding open sketchbooks. you don't look annoyed or even that phased, just amused as you give him a once over before going back to painting. "on the run from solji?"

jimin blinks, back still pressed against the door. "huh?" he regards you properly. "i'm sorry, have we met before?"

"not really," you admit with a sheepish smile, which is when jimin suddenly realises that you're...attractive. "solji is in my stats class. you hooked up with her last week at some party and she told me about it."

"oh," jimin takes in your plethora of art supplies. "you don't look like a stem student."

there's a glimmer of something in your eyes, and though you hide it well jimin knows he's struck a nerve. "yeah, i get that a lot."

"it's not solji by the way," jimin clarifies. for some reason. "that i'm hiding from. just a bellend i don't have the energy for right now."

you smile. "it's fine. you don't owe me your life story."

"i do when i'm about to impose on your...study time," jimin peers through the window in the door, wincing when yugyeom enters the hallway. "what would it take for you to let me stay in here for a while?"

you pause for a second. "honestly? just be quiet and leave me alone. is that okay?"

jimin perks up, a weight leaving his chest. "perfect, actually."

[jungkook 11:42pm]: why does it say wings on it

[jungkook 11:42pm] where is it flying

[you: 11:43pm] ffs kook

[you: 11:44pm] im still on the toilet can u just hurry up

[you 11:44pm] grab some tampons too pls

[jungkook 11:46pm] fine what size pussy do u wear

[you 11:46pm] i hate u

[jungkook 11:53pm] ???? ? ? well? ????

[you 11:54pm] REGULAR

jungkook giggles at his phone, already having left the women's sanitary aisle to grab some chocolate. months later and teasing you was still bundles of fun. he knew for a fact that you were sat there with that angry pout on your face, nose crinkled. he had never bought anything like this before, but jungkook had enough brain cells to know that chocolate was another necessity for that time of the month. after grabbing a large hazelnut bar, he pauses beside the oreos before grabbing a packet of those too. just for good measure. he strides to the self checkout - because even he wasn't man enough for the cashier yet - nearly dropping his array of sanitary products and confectionary when somebody calls out his name from behind the queue.

"kook!" the voice is unmistakably yugyeom's, confirmed by the hand that clamps jungkook over the shoulder and swivels him round before he could think about hiding his socially compromising shopping items. it takes a second for yugyeom to notice, doing a double take at the pads atop his small tower of goods. he holds back a laugh, balancing a bottle of gin in one hand while he waves back at some friends to continue. they were clearly making their pit stop before a night out, probably pre's if they still start as late as jungkook remembers. with his hair styled and expensive cologne lingering, jungkook almost forgets he probably looks unrecognisable in his sweats and cotton-fresh hoodie. friday nights weren't for cuddling. still, yugyeom's smile is welcoming and familiar. "got the munchies? and maybe also a uterus?"

"shut up," jungkook grumbles, averting his eyes. he shifts to his other foot uncomfortably. "my friend just needed a favour, that's all."

"uh huh," yugyeom gives him a teasing look. "is this friend the reason why i barely saw you at jin's the other week?"

jungkook blinks back at him. "wait, you were at that party? i had no idea!" a boyish smile breaks over his face. "why didn't you call me? i haven't seen you since-"

"minseok-hyung's new years eve party," yugyeom throws his head back with a laugh. "remember how we ended up on a boat after the ball dropped and-"

"spent all of new years day detained by the coast guard!" jungkook finishes with a mischievous cackle of his own, nearly dropping the tampons in the process. "fuck, that was so much fun! we need to meet up again, i haven't been out with the guys in so long."

"well no wonder," he quips a brow at jungkook's shopping again. "word got out you're a family man but i didn't believe it. until now, that is."

jungkook's smile falls. "what do you mean?"

yugyeom looks at him for a second, confused by jungkook's surprise. yugyeom was never quite as diplomatic as namjoon or yoongi, to put it lightly. and definitely nowhere near as accomodating as jimin. which is why his next words make jungkook's back stiffen. "bro, look at yourself. you got dairy milk in one hand and tampax in the other. on a friday night. the next time i see you i wouldn't be shocked if you had a baby buggy and a mortgage." still, yugyeom throws him an apologetic look. like a mouse caught in a trap. "face it, kook. you're old news."

"what? that's not true," his brows furrow unhappily. "i don't know what you're talking about. it's not like she's my..."

he can't say the word, but it hangs between them like a dead weight.

"yeah, right," the condescending look on yugyeom's face was starting to agitate him. "you totally blanked us at jin's after she showed up. not even just jin's..." he thinks twice about holding his tongue, but as always, decides against it. "i don't know you, jungkook. whoever this new jungkook is. it's been months. you used to hit us up and be independent and spontaneous and wild and now you're just...someone's boyfriend.

"stop fucking saying that," jungkook snaps, all visible signs of friendliness gone.

"why?" a beat. "do you even use a wrap with her anymore?"

jungkook splutters, heat rushing to his ears and hands in a stinging combination of anger and embarrassment. "how is that any of your business? the fuck are you asking me something like that, as if you-"

"thought so," yugyeom looks away from him with a sigh. if anything, yugyeom knew never to overstay his welcome but that clearly backfired tonight. "whatever, jungkook," he looks over his shoulder at him. "guess you're the last one to find out you're officially married."

"you're ridiculous," jungkook scoffs. "all this over condoms? grow up, yugyeom."

"only couples do it raw," yugyeom turns away from him, alcohol in tow as he waves a hand over his shoulder to join his friends like jungkook was nothing but a lost cause. "you would remember that if you still had game."

jungkook stands there, dumbfounded while the group of boys exit the store noisily but he can't hear a thing. the siren that had been itching the back of his mind all this time was suddenly there at full force, right between his eyes. the glaring truth that yugyeom might be right makes his knees buckle. all those rules jungkook once had, all those measures he kept in place to protect his liberty, to prevent this very occurence - where were they? what happened to them? as the sweet and accommodating counterpart to jimin, why had you never complied? though, the blame wasn't on your hands alone. he got complacent, comfortable. lenient. and now without even realising he was here, a scene from a romcom in the middle of the night, with nothing to say for himself but fuck. the realisations wouldn't stop racing, one after another on the conveyer belt of his anxiety.

the photos on his phone; mostly you. time spent, usually with you. the portfolio for his latest photography module also had some resemblance to your interests. charcoal pencils, night drives, orchids. like the ones you always drew on any scrap of paper lying around. now that he thinks about it, he's seen nothing but your orchids for months. and not just that - you wore his clothes sometimes too. his bathroom had your toothbrush, contraceptive pills and coconut shampoo. his closest friends, his hyungs...not one of them was devoid of affection for you. he wasn't even confident that if the choice was presented, they would still pick him over you.

by the time jungkook finishes paying and practically sprints to his truck in a daze, he can hardly keep himself from shaking. he palms the wheel compulsively, he could feel the sweat in his sideburns, hoodie suddenly suffocating him. it smelled of you.

and then, like a final curtain call: was he just your latest fixer-upper project? some good girl wet dream to play out in the wake of your emotionally traumatic past? a slap in the face to seokjin, maybe, and nothing more? when you were done, when he was out of your system, when you knew his taste by heart and had nothing new left to try - would you stay? did you even know how to?

did he?

jungkook starts the engine. he drives to your door, drops your bag of snacks and pads on the porch, and texts you before leaving. he does not go inside.

"you sure you'll be okay with just the boys?"

you scoff at seulgi when she pins you with a worrying look, taking some of her clothes out of her bag to re-fold them just so you had something to do with your hands. jisoo had already left for the long weekend with her family, so there was no one there to fill up the empty space between your awakward reply. you didn't know how to tell the girls that jungkook hadn't contacted you in nearly a month. and even though he was a notable flight risk from the beginning, you couldn't help but feel like there was hostility there. every now and again he'd at least send a nude or have a quick phone call when he was drunk or high at three in the morning, but you hadn't heard a peep from him. you couldn't stand the idea of someone you cared about harbouring comtempt for you, but the fear of reaching out and somehow making the situation worse outweighed it tenfold.

you look up to see seulgi still staring at you with concern. "of course i'll be fine! they're boys, not piranhas."

"at least piranhas contribute our ecosystem. boys just cause problems for the hell of it," seulgi lays a hand on the crown of your head like a berating big sister, swivelling you to look at her in your fit of giggles. the urge to nestle you under blankets like a baby bird made her chest heave, and you could tell. "i'm serious. if jimin tries anything, call me immediately okay?"

"jimin?" you snort. "out of a room full of delinquents, my ex, and taehyung, you're worried about jimin of all people?"

seulgi wrinkles her nose. "god, when you say it like that its like i'm throwing you to the dogs." she pauses. "something's up with jimin. i don't know what it is, but he's...off."

you tilt your head innocently, remembering the brief interaction you had with hobi at seokjin's party. you had been so caught up in jungkook - or lack thereof - you hadn't thought to press him about it afterwards. in truth, jimin remained as...jimin as ever. if he was acting differently you certainly couldn't tell. "you think so?"

"mmm," she leans on the lip of the open suitcase thoughtfully. "but maybe with jungkook there, he'll behave himself."

you gulp, fiddling with his watch on your wrist anxiously. "maybe."

you nearly yelp when you feel a big hand swivel around your waist, bucking into the kitchen counter reflexively. jungkook always did this before rubbing his boner against your ass, but the light scent of citrus and short squeeze lets you know immediately that its taehyung. hoseok, jimin, namjoon and yoongi were still in the living room playing video games, giving taehyung the perfect opening to intercept you. namjoon and yoongi had insisted that you come over to their place after finding out you'd be alone for the weekend, and you had completely refused before taehyung's coaxing. and of course, jimin's persuasive nudging. even though you felt safe and relaxed here, it felt wrong to be in jungkook's friends' place without him. almost like a breaching of an unspoken boundary.

and clearly, taehyung picked up on your discomfort by the way he stared at you so softly. his back was to the sink, his sillhouette particularly long and lean this evening. "you need to lighten up, princess. you keep looking over your shoulder so much it's making me nervous!"

your visibly droop with a sigh. "i'm sorry tae. i've had a lot on my mind lately, and..."

he claps his hands on your shoulders, teeth peeking through his grin. "you're not doing anything illegal by being here without jungkook."

you wince at his name. "have you always been able to read my mind like this?"

"absolutely," taehyung's brown eyes look so rich up close. "you're allowed to have friends that are also his friends, because - and try to stick with me on this - relationships between people are allowed to be independant from the primary circles they met in. mind boggling concept, i know."

you wack him on the chest until he laughs. "stop making fun of my anxious thought processes! its called mental illness, sherlock! i can't help it!"

his nose scrunches cutely, enjoying your first fiery outburst of the day. "whatever. i call it not getting laid for a month and losing critical thinking abilities from it."

you gape at him indignantly while taehyung roars with laughter. "you're such a dickhead," you hiss through gritted teeth, yanking his hair and jabbing your fingers in his sides the way you would with jimin during a tickle fight. "whores have feelings too, taehyung! whores have feelings too!"

you both fall about with laughter, knocking over half the snacks on the counter in the process which only makes the pair of you laugh even more. it's such childish chaos trying to clean up the mess on the tiny kitchen floor that neither of you notice the front door open, or the gust of metaphorical and literal wind that follows. watching taehyung trying to salvage a bag of broken crisps is just so funny that the presence of an another voice in the living room goes unregistered, as do the footsteps leading up the hallway to the kitchen, so you have no time to brace yourself or properly pull yourself together with you see-

"...jungkook."

yours and taehyung's heads snap to the doorway. jungkook stands there with almost complete lack of emotion on his face to the pair of you kneeling in crumbs and napkins. there's a brief pause where the tension in your eye contact alone was so strong that it felt wrong to breathe. but it is shortlived. jungkook tiptoes over you like spilled milk, reaching for a glass of water. you and taehyung lock eyes while the tap runs in the awkward silence. "hey. you okay?"

"um," you're not sure whether to stand up, hug him, look at him, or even face him. "yeah! yeah, i'm fine."

he nods politely. "hyung?"

even taehyung looks visibly uncomfortable. "i'm good."

"cool. see you later," he says, downing the glass impressively fast before leaving the room just as fast as he entered it.

you and taehyung stare at each other again, not understanding why you both feel like kids caught eating cake before dinner. you could feel the sweat pricking at your back from the realisation. jungkook had no idea you'd be here, and given that interaction he'd probably want to leave now. there was always the inkling woven between his radio silence that he was done with you, but you never let yourself take it seriously out of logic. because how could months of passion and tenderness and honesty be undone so irrevocably like that? it didn't make sense. you hadn't changed. you were the same girl he hit on relentlessly and chased against all odds. so what was different now?

"____," taehyung calls your name gently, and it's only then you realise you're already up and trailing after jungkook into the living room. when you walk in he's already putting his shoes on to leave again, barely making eye contact with you while he chats absently to his hyungs so he can look busy. the four boys on the large sofa can only reply wearily, eyes darting between the pair of you like a firework was about to blow to soon. and it was.

you could feel it in your throat, under your breast bone, bubbling up your stomach. "wait, jungkook. um...h-how have you been? i haven't heard from you in-"

"i've been good," he keeps tying and re-tying his laces without looking up. "super busy. you know how it is."

his curtness makes you flinch. this same time last month jungkook used to kiss you senseless before he had both feet in the door. he'd ring the doorbell incessantly like a child and greet you with the biggest, toothiest grin you had ever seen. he'd make fun of your bed head and squeeze your cheeks until you'd snap at him. and now when he looked at you he hated every second of it. your mother had the same look. your eyes start to burn involuntarily. "yeah, i do. how is uni? your final project is due soon, right? what theme did you pick in the end?"

"the one i told you about," he stands up abruptly. "sorry, noona. something came up. i'll see you arou-"

"something came up?" you step closer to him. "something came up the second you saw my face? or did you really just trek all the way to your hyungs' place for a glass of water, jungkook?"

jungkook stiffens, but is determined not to lose face. and it's difficult to do under your big, accusatory eyes and jimin's death stare at his back. the whole room was waiting for his response, so he just shoves his hands in his pockets resolutely. "i needed to see yoongi hyung, but i can come another time."

you fold your arms. "well it's clearly important, and you're here now. so don't let me stop you."

"but you will stop me," jungkook snaps. "that's the problem."

"kook-ah," yoongi warns quietly, but he took one look at your face and knew the damage was done. jimin was already standing up, circling around the back of the sofa towards you. the red lights were all there; your watery eyes, your trembling hands. every breath you took looked difficult for you to complete and only jimin noticed.

"what are you talking about?" you squint. it takes you a second to understand; yoongi's guilty expression, jungkook's indifference. "oh, you're fucking kidding me." your resolve breaks for a second turning away only to glare back at jungkook with so much fire you can hardly stand it. "you're selling again? are you insane, jungkook?"

"see," jungkook's eyes are stony. "i knew you'd get this way."

"what other way am i supposed to get?" his lack of response only infuriates you more. it felt disrespectful. "jungkook, you're not a kid anymore. if you get caught with drugs the consequences are serious! forget the potential jail time, you could get kicked out of university, it would go on your record forever and-"

"stop talking to me like i'm a kid!"

"then stop acting like one!" you hate raising your voice, but it keeps climbing without your approval. "did you think about this for even five minutes? this isn't like just going to juvie like before and being done with it jungkook. your hyungs can't bail you out of everything."

"this is a lot of talk for someone who lapped up those fancy paints without a second thought," jungkook says darkly. his eyes aren't like you remember, his face solemn and near unrecognisable. "or did you think that getting that kind of money overnight is only something that's possible through daddy's credit card?"

dread blooms like a garden inside you. "that's...that's how you bought the paint set?"

"welcome to the real world," he quips. "as if selling overpriced weed to a bunch of pick-me-freshmans is considered a crime against humanity to anyone but you."

"you think that's why i'm yelling at you right now?" your voice was growing hoarse, desperate. "you think that's the problem i have with you being literal drug dealer, jungkook?"

he hates it. the sweltering silence, the judgmental eyes digging into his back, the slow realisation that the tears in your eyes were not at him but for him. jungkook's ears ring enough to make him sway on the spot if his feet weren't planted so firmly on the dingy carpet, this metaphorical ground. he couldn't shake the feeling that his lifestyle was only an issue now because of you, how he never felt a shred of guilt about any of this shit until he met you. and if there was anything that jungkook never responded well to, it was pity. and he could feel it from every person in the room, all people that that once cherished and coddled him until you came along. he swallows, throat dry from the way he couldn't look at you knowing what he was going to say next.

"you're embarrassing yourself, noona. you're not my girlfriend and you never were, so stop acting like it."

cotton. it's very faint, under the layers of conflicting cologne and beer and smoke, but jungkook still smelled of cotton while he spat acid. nobody could speak, even though jungkook never raised his voice let alone a hand to you, it still hit like a slap in the face. it sunk into the walls, your clothes, suddenly every hair on your body felt heavy with it. dirty. the shame came first, the humiliation next. and then the sorrow, the dread, and finally the defeat. you knew the stages well by now, and they were cycling through you like clockwork. how foolish you were, to make the same mistake again. nobody dared to move, everyone but jungkook staring at you in denial and horror. they couldn't believe their eyes when you nod steadily, bowing your head to the floor.

jimin is already slotting himself between you, his jaw tight. "that's enough, kook. just leave already."

"no," you stop him, unnervingly resigned. that single word cuts through all six men with ease. "he's right." you step around jimin, closing the space between you and jungkook. for a brief moment he wonders if you'll actually hit him, but somehow watching you unclasp his watch from your wrist and drop it on the coffee table in front of him is far worse. the sound seems to ring like church bells, definitive and umistakable. "you're right, i'm not your girlfriend. you win jungkook."

they all watch you leave in dismay, listen to the door closing softly behind you. within a second jimin sprints after you, calling your name, leaving everyone else dumbfounded. jungkook's stare could bore a hole into the abandoned watch on the table, still ticking away like nothing changed. like his eyes weren't burning, lightheaded at the realisation that he would never wear a watch again let alone the one he put on you.

to an outsider, you looked like you were coping well considering you just got dumped in front of all your friends. but jimin knew that face. your stony eyes, lips pulled thin as if to seal inside the collapse of a monument. you took the tea he offered, and then his arms, your face finding his chest with ease. muscle memory. his torso was a tad shorter than jungkook's, his heart closer to your mouth as if the steady thumps were asking for a kiss of acknowledgement. every time you close your eyes you could see jungkooks face, hard and unforgiving and nothing like the man you trusted all this time. but it wasn't a new expression; you parents looked at you similarly the last time you saw them. it was the look of someone who had no regrets cutting all ties. and now, jungkook was behind them in a lost list of people who chose to be strangers over loving you.

jimin sighs when you cry into his chest, brushing the back of your head gently. he had been ready for this for months, but he still hated to see you this way. again. it made his bones itch, his skin crawl uncomfortably every time you weeped. the only time he considered violence was when you were crying. but he knew what to do, laying down across the sofa so you could curl up into a ball next him, head on his bicep and face smushed into the crook of his shoulder. you used to cry like this for hours and hours, his arm familiar with the prickle of pins and needles. but it was the only place you felt safe. tucked into jimin's side is where you would always belong, and that truth was more glaringly obvious than ever now.

"lets get something to eat," he offers eventually, hand craddling the crown of your head like a child. jimin's other hand on your hip is warm and heavy when he pats you soothingly. in your episodes, you responded well to touch. "what about thai food?"

"not hungry," you grumble against him.

"we could make something together?" he peers down at your lack of response. "come on, babe. you gotta eat something. you didn't even have breakfast-"

"why am i so stupid?" you whisper, a fresh bout of tears welling up.

jimin rubs your thigh. "it's not your fault."

"yes it is. jungkook gave me plenty of red flags, and i ignored all of them-"

"oh, i meant you being stupid."

you scoff. "cheers."

"what?" jimin cocks a brow when you lift your head to look up at him. he wets his lips and you follow the swipe of his tongue thoughtlessly, distracted enough by his touch and proximity that you take a second to digest his words. "it's not like any of this exactly came as a surprise. you ignored me, remember? wanted to flex your big girl pants."

you pull away from him and sit up, forcibly shutting out the daze that jimin routinely puts you under. "what's wrong with you? can't you be polite and wait for a couple hours before laying into me like a normal person? jesus, jimin."

"so let me get this straight," jimin sits up, watching your back as you sit away from him. "you're mad because i'm not telling you what you want to hear?"

"no," you say, head shaking. "i'm not mad. i'm upset because i came here to be comforted by my friend and you're just making me feel worse."

"what do you want me to say, ____? that i had high hopes from the start?" jimin pushes his hair back, brows now at a sharp incline from frustration. "i told you starting something with jungkook was trouble but you didn't listen. why should i feed your victim complex when all i've done is try to help you?"

"victim complex?" you repeat, standing up slowly. the sudden steadiness of your voice causes jimin to panic.

"not like that. don't take it like that, it's just," he's suddenly before you, his warm hands palming up your arms warmly. "i didn't wanna see you get like this and it happened anyway, is all i'm saying." he sighs when your scowl doesn't let up. "if hobi hyung hadn't have given up so easy, then maybe…maybe this would never have happened. maybe if i had been harsher with him then you would have-"

"what are you talking about?" you ask quietly, searching jimin's face. "give up so easy? what's that supposed to mean?"

he looks away, hands slipping off you. "it's nothing."

"jimin."

he struggles to look at you, tongue in cheek. his lips purse for a moment, pink like roses. he's wearing that navy jumper you like. "look, it's not a big deal. he wasn't supposed to fuck you or anything, just take you out for a while. get your mind off kookie, show you a nice time."

your blood runs cold. "what?"

jimin's expression softens. "it's not as bad as it sounds-"

"really?" your voice is sharp, sharper than he's ever heard it. you recoil as if you had been struck for the second time today. "because it sounds like you asked some guy to keep me occupied like i'm a fucking dog. all because you can't stand the idea of me being within a meter of jungkook-"

he steps in, but you step back. "you know that's not true, _."

"don't i?" you scoff, covering your face in disbelief. "jimin, you've been hellbent against me even looking at the guy since day fucking one."

"because i didn't want you to get hurt!" jimin counters, eyes downcast. "i know, okay? i know how much of a dick it makes me sound, but its not like it hurt you when you had no idea! hoseok broke it off before you even knew about it so why-"

"because it's worse," you turn away from him. "you tried to control me. choose what's best for me because you think you know better than i do. sound familiar?"

his jaw sets, and it's like you can hear the twine snap in his head, the percussion of his heartbeat above yours even though he doesn't close the space between you. jimin stares at you for a long minute before drawing in a thin breath. "fine," he steps in, and you can't look away. "you want me to say it? fine. i'll say it."

suddenly the air is lace thin around you as you stare at him, waiting. jimin looks off somewhere else, somewhere you can't reach. "don't tell me you haven't thought about it, because i know you have. if i have you must have too. and lately its all i can think about - being with you, holding you, being the one who gets to touch you. and yeah, maybe it took having to see you with jungkook for me to realise how much i want all that, i put my hands up. but you have no idea what's it like to watch the person you love most get toyed around with by a time bomb like that. i've seen jungkook go through girls like underwear and i love him, god i love him, but even the idea of you being one of those wasted girls sitting outside a party crying over his sorry ass makes my fucking ears ring."

"j-jimin…" you whisper, but you have nothing to say. your hands shake.

"you deserve more than that, ____. you deserve more than waiting around for booty calls or living up to what the next guy wants. from jungkook, hoseok, anyone. you deserve someone's devotion and yeah, maybe all this time i've been too much of a pussy to give it. maybe all this time i was tiptoeing around my feelings for you because i knew if i admitted to myself that i loved you - if i admitted i was just like every other guy - i'd actually set the bar for something other than disappointment. id actually have to step up, and i didn't know if i could do it. i still don't. but if it has to be someone…it should be me."

suddenly he's holding your hands, calming the tremble that rattles them. his words bunch up together in your ears, the meaning lost amidst your awe. "jimin….jimin what are you saying? where is all this coming from, i don't...i don't understand wh-"

"i'm saying," he cups your face. "choose me." he pulls you in. so, so close. "choose me, not jungkook. not anyone else. me."

and there's a part of you that has already caved. that's already kissing him, melting into his arms like you've wanted to for so, so long. you're falling back onto the couch with him in a fit of giggles, curling back into his chest to hide your watery eyes, asking him why the fuck he took so long. you chat together between teasing kisses, pour your hearts out, maybe cry a little. later you would make tea and order pad thai and watch the office all night and fall asleep together in the living room well past dawn and then-

you close your eyes. "i can't."

"you can," jimin says, so passionately you shudder. his brown eyes are teaming with too much determination and ardour for his own good, and you both know it. its difficult to grapple with how huge a risk he's taking, because jimin never takes risks. it made the whole situation seem dire. "you know you can, ____. it's us. there's no one like us."

you don't know how you're not crying yet. you only have jimin to hold onto, hands balled in his shirt without knowing if you're about to push him away or pull him in forever. "maybe back then. maybe if you'd have said all this before," you feel empty, the beat of your pulse suddenly strong in your fingertips. "but it doesn't matter anymore."

he shakes his head in denial, his determination palpable. "of course it does-"

"i'm in love with him," you say. to jimin. to yourself. to the world, finally. "i'm in love with jungkook." holding jimin's stare isn't as difficult as you thought it'd be. "you know if you'd have done all this a few months ago…if you'd have just...i was always yours without question, jimin. and you knew it." it's his turn to bristle under the strain of your voice. "jungkook isn't perfect. i'll be the first one to admit that. he's made me cry, he fucks up, he makes mistakes. but he's never lied to me. he never made decisions for me. he never passed judgement on what i should or shouldn't do with my life. something that i never thought i wouldn't able to say about you, too."

there's a brief moment where everything stops. neither of you can believe what you just said. jimin watches you, frozen in his place as you take your bag, eyes glittering with tears when he calls for you. suddenly he's the time bomb he feared becoming, the panic in his eyes lighting them up like fire crackers. for the first time in his life, he stumbles over his words, and then his feet when you reach for the door, all composure lost. he was unravelling like a tapestry in front of you, never to be repaired, and he could feel it. "____. ____, please," jimin chokes, his cheeks blotchy. "i wanted to protect you, i was just trying to help. don't go. please don't go. i was trying to help you."

"no. you were trying to have me." you say, closing the door behind you.

you have no idea what time it is when you hear the bell ring incessantly.

it had been hours since you'd returned home from jimin's, but there was no way for you to keep track when your only priority was just keeping yourself afloat. you turned your phone off, drew the curtains, and resolved to alternate between sitting in seulgi and jisoo's rooms until they came back. you didn't know what else to do. when you weren't crying you were hyperventilating, and when that stopped the absence of emotion was so powerful you could barely keep your eyes open. you were exhausted but could not sleep. starving but could not eat. it was a miracle you even made it down the stairs, using what little strength you had to yank it open without even thinking about who could be on the other side in the middle of the fucking night. but at this point, you would gladly take a serial killer over jimin or jungkook.

"taehyung," you breathe when you take in his face, relieved. you must look like absolute shit because he scans your face and winces.

"jimin told me," he says, the apology in his voice and expression was almost painful to register. "he told me everything. ____, i'm so sorry. i should have told you about the hoseok thing, i just thought it would be worse coming from me, and then i tried to force jimin into confessing but then he didn't because he's jimin, and now-"

"you're only allowed to come inside if you stop apologising," you say weakly, voice haggered from the hours of crying.

taehyung's pouty expression almost makes you smile with how cute he looks, gingerly stepping over the threshhold. "i really am sorry though."

"for what," you say monotonously, closing the door behind him while he takes off his shoes. "my inexplicably terrible taste in men? my uncanny ability to get manipulated by literally anyone who shows me a scrap of affection? or my absolutey shredded-to-shit attachment style thats barely intact let alone functioning healthily? after hoppping between the first two for a few hours i'd personally go for the latter. but whatever."

"please shut up," taehyung sighs, bringing you into his arms before you could have a second thought about it. "you need to amp up the misandry in this context. a lot of this had nothing to do with you and everything to do jimin and jungkook."

you're too tired to open your eyes, snuggling into the softness of taehyung's chest. you’re too exhausted to argue. "where did you learn the word misandry? have you been reading?"

"yeah," you can hear his big, pleased grin. "i know you and the girls have been calling me a himbo behind my back."

"affectionately," you add, peering up at him. he wipes the wetness off your cheeks, moving upstairs to your room with your hand in his. he fetches you a glass of water before putting you into bed like he's paid to do it. taehyung was the cuddliest person you had ever met, but you had rarely seen him dote on anyone. "girls love himbos. it's a compliment."

"not all girls," he mutters when he returns from the bathroom with a glass of water. "drink this, would you? you look so dry it's making me itchy."

you do as he says with a roll of your eyes. "what do you mean?" you finish your water with a big gulp. "jisoo loves dumb guys, what are you talking about?"

taehyung looks away from you, bottom lip rolling up under his teeth so fast you barely catch it. he pulls up your desk chair next to your bed, thinking long and hard before meeting your eyes again. "i don't mean jisoo."

you don't understand at first, but after staring at his face for a long minute your stomach drops. "don't. don't you fucking dare," another beat of silence. you rip the covers off you to scamble to your knees, grab your pillow and hurl it at taehyung's head. "taehyung, please don't tell me that the one remaining, healthy relationship i have with a man has also been shot to shit because i swear to god i'm gonna-"

"it's not a big deal," he says firmly, and he really does mean it. taehyung catches your wrists when you lunge at him, effectively ending your outburst before it can begin. he keeps hold of them while he stares into your eyes, watching the way they fill up with a fresh bout of tears. "i've had a crush on you for a while, so what? it's not anyone's business but mine so don't worry about it."

you try not to scream at him. "how long?"

"...since the start." he shrugs. "it's not like i could have done anything anyway. with jimin around. he’d never have it."

"but...! but..." you splutter, the highlight reel of your friendship suddenly marred before your eyes. "but you let me talk to you about boys! you gave me advice with hobi and jimin and jungkook and...! you encouraged jimin to confess to me. and the whole thing with jisoo?"

he wets his lips guiltily. "jisoo is a nice girl. i like her, but...not like you. i've always liked you."

you shake your head in horror, your face crumpling. bile rose in your throat. "so all of that...playing with my friend like that. was just to get to me?"

"listen to me," taehyung says firmly, gripping your wrists to make you look at him again. he's so close you can feel the warmth of his breath on yours, and you never realised how large taehyung's torso was compared to yours before. he could have smothered you, but he didn't. in all senses. "the way jimin and jungkook handled their feelings is on them, just like how this is on me. it doesn't matter if i'm fucking you or not, you're my friend and i'll always want people to do right by you. and that includes me."

there was nothing else to say, so taehyung wordlessly wipes your face again and fetches you more water before retreating to sleep on the couch downstairs. all the while you sat there in your bed, confused and bewildered and thoughtful. the same bed jungkook fucked you on. the same bed jimin held you in. out of all the men in your life, taehyung was the only one who treated his feelings for you with reverence. there wasn't one interaction you could think of where he made his feelings clear, where he even hinted towards wanting something more. if he hadn't have said anything tonight, in the wake of one of the most emotionally tumultuous days of your life, you would still be in the dark about it all. and that was the scariest part. you didn't know anyone else who hadn't let their feelings for you effect how they treated you. so ultimately, it was possible.

and jimin and jungkook chose not to do that. but taehyung did.

taehyung did.

when you finally pad downstairs after hours of ruminating, jisoo's bedroom door is wide open. and that's who you should be thinking about now - your friend and sister jisoo - as the sky begins to lighten with the signs of morning. you hadn't slept for over twenty four hours, you were hungry and thirsty, delirious from the whirlwind of losing the two most important men in your life in one day. but still, you are drawn to taehyung. taehyung, who never asked anything of you. taehyung, who was as silent as he was selfless this whole time. taehyung who routinely put what he wanted aside in favour of what was best for you. taehyung, who protected you without needing credit or recognition for it. taehyung, taehyung, taehyung, taehyung, taehyung-

"taehyung," you whisper scraping your nails through his hair. his eyes fluttered open, twisting his head to face you as you hovered above him. he could barely see you in the darkness. "taehyung, wake up."

"what is it?" he croaks, sitting up with half-lidded eyes and a yawn. he doesn't know how to read the expression on your face. he swings his legs off the sofa in a sitting position, wearing nothing but his boxers and tee, visibly alarmed. "what happened? are you okay?"

you take his face in your hands and kiss him.

taehyung stiffens against you, breath drawn thin. you pull away to gauge his expression, desperately searching his eyes in the darkness. for discomfort, disapproval, anything negative at all. the absolute ardour you find instead could knock you down if taehyung didn't reach for your neck, kissing you again. you whine at the feel of his tongue, having no idea where such sudden and intense arousal was coming from. when you pull away with shaky limbs, you climb onto his thick thighs so he can feel your wetness through his boxers. taehyung grunts at the sensation, and again when you kiss him passionately and without abandon. the sweet girl every guy he knew was agonising over, suddenly in his lap. he's barely had his tongue down your throat for ten minutes and you're already rocking into him, his erection betraying his resolve.

it's better than he dreamed.

"taehyung," you gasp, palming him now. he groans when he pulls away to look at your mouth, glistening with his saliva when you take his hand and guide it down to your arousal. "please."

#jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #jungkook au #bts x reader #bts au #jungkook scenario #bts scenario #jimin x reader #jimin x you #jimin au #bts fic #jungkook fic #jimin fic #jungkook college au #jimin college au #bts college au #myfic

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jarofstyles · 4 years

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Dirty Business IV- Macchiato

A/N: This is all we have from these two for now :( but please do let us know if you’d like more!! Thank you so much for reading!

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pairing: Harry Styles x Reader

warnings: hints of angst, references to trauma

word count: 14k

Paris was spectacular.

It was truly a trip Y/N would never forget. She had Harry had a week worth of incredible sex, delicious dinners, and of course, romance. They’d gotten to know each other quite well, on a deeper level too. Business wise, things went incredibly smooth and Harry had saved the company way more with his deals. Y/N’s father couldn’t stop singing his praises. Y/N has already felt herself healing, showing more of herself around him and to her surprise he was reacting well. Harry really was a good guy, really was committed to her and that was something she was still trying to get through her head.

When they landed back in New York they didn’t want to separate just yet, so she had the car drop her off at hers so she could put some of her things away before she hopped back in the car to go back to Harry’s. She was very excited to be back, of course, the mugginess wasn’t exactly welcomed.

“I’m so excited to meet Oliver!” Y/N really had been waiting to meet him the entire trip. “Your friend, Niall, is he there? Or does he just come to feed him?” She asked, feeling like she needed to prepare if she was going to meet his friends. Y/N wanted to make a good impression.

“Yeah, he came to feed Oliver but he went home. You can meet my friends soon, if you want. We go to the bars sometimes on fridays and you can come with me.” Now that they were a thing— a real thing— he was going to have to integrate her into more of his things. More of his lifestyle. He was curious as to what she would like about it and what she wouldn’t. It was fairly obvious she had grown up in the rich world and hadn’t been in the middle class let alone broke territory. That’s what Harry was used to. No matter how big or rich he got, he wouldn’t forget that. Or fast food or primark jeans and tee shirts. “C’mon then.” He was a bit worried about her seeing his place but... she wasn’t judgey, he didn’t think. The girl was a diva but didn’t seem to value people less because of their monetary value.

Y/N thanked the driver again as they got out of the car, helping Harry with his bags before making her way towards the apartment. A brownstone. How cute. Of course, he probably wasn’t renting the whole thing, maybe just a floor. When they walked up the steps she smiled, happy he was on the second floor. Higher ceilings meant more space. Had a balcony too. Once they stepped inside she was greeted by the smell of something woodsy... hints of cinnamon and vanilla. It was very Harry. Of course. He turned the lights on and Y/N smiled to see that it was a lot like she had expected. Brick interior, lots of books and vintage looking things.

“Baby, this is so cute.” She cooed, immediately feeling like she’d be coming over a lot. It had a homey feel that she wasn’t used to. His place looked very lived in which was nice. Y/N was constantly living in homes where not a single thing was meant to be out of place, looked like a damn museum. Her house was a little messy, but still. It wasn’t cozy like his.

“There’s my boy!” Harry smiled when he heard the patter of little kitten feet and a few mews coming from the hall. The orange kitten appeared and went straight for his dad, climbing up the leg of his jeans before Harry grabbed him. “There you are. I’ve missed you.” He kissed all over his little face as frantic putts left the tiny thing. He was so happy! This was a joyous occasion. “Want to say hi to Y/N? Yeah?” He asked, gently placing the kitten into her hands. The kitten was purring and let out a little chirp in interest as it sniffed her skin, little tongue peeking out to lick it. He felt his heart melt as he watched her kick off her shoes and hold the little kitten he loved so much, cooing softly at him.

Y/N was all soft and melty at the sight of Harry and his kitten, he certainly had missed him and Y/N understood. She would miss Harry too. Hearing the kitten let out such excited mewls made her heart happy, clearly excited to be back with his owner. Of course, Y/N was more than happy to give them their time.

“Oh hello!” Y/N cooed, gently taking off her shoes so she could properly give the kitten attention. “Aren’t you the cutest little thing?” She pet over his tiny little head, scratching at his ears and smiling when he closed his eyes and purred for her. “Sorry I kept your daddy away from you, promise, it won’t happen again for a while.” She told the kitten and held him close to her chest, pressing a kiss to his little nose. She looked up at Harry with an excited gleam in her eyes, walking over so that he could show her around and give her the tour. He had quite a lot of space, more than she expected at least. Yes, everything was sort of cramped up into an open plan with few walls but it worked. She liked it a lot.

“We've got the kitchen, just off of here.” He pointed. It was an older one, definitely dated but it fit the feeling of the space. He had added a microwave but everything else came with the apartment. “The living space. The couch is kinda ugly but.. fucking comfortable. It was my first splurge here.” He pointed to the worn leather sectional with ottoman, made to look vintage but so comfortable. “Then we have my bedroom over here.” He had her following him as he turned on lights and Oliver purred in her arms. There was one cat tree in the living area and one in his room near the large windows. His bed was lower set but covered in a soft faux down comforter and lots of pillows because he liked comfort. There was a shelf with books and then his closet. “I have a tiny office but it’s a mess. It’s my desk and shelves.” He opened the door for her to see. It was messy with papers on the desk but he was over exaggerating with it. It was fine.

“A mess? Please baby, that’s normal.” She knew her father definitely had a much messier desk in her childhood home, wasn’t so sure about now but yeah. Y/N took a seat on the bed, smiling at how soft and comfortable it was. The only problem is that he probably slept in it with Caroline. “It’s really nice, baby. I like it a lot.” She said with a smile, placing Oliver in her lap in which he circled around a few times before curling up in her lap closer to her tummy. He most likely liked how warm she was. Y/N was melting though, looking up at Harry with glossy eyes because the kitten was so damn cute. “How could you even leave him? Oh my goodness... I would have had such a hard time.” Y/N pouted, noticing he was starting to unpack his stuff. It made sense though, he probably just wanted to get everything out of the way and change into something comfy.

Harry stopped unpacking when he turned round to look at her. She was sitting on his bed, with his kitten on her lap. It looked like she belonged. Like the girl was meant to be there with him. He wanted this forever. His smile was soft as he walked to her, leaning down to kiss her gently before going back to unpacking. He didn’t say why he kissed her and he could feel her confusion but acceptance of it as he took out a large sweater for her. It was a bit chilly in the apartment because the air con was actually good. He needed to turn it down.

Y/N didn’t expect him to come over and kiss her like that, but it definitely did feel nice. Felt like she was very welcome here, like this was her safe space and that here she could do whatever she wanted. That she could be relaxed and herself and no one would judge. Harry would always make her feel overwhelmingly appreciated. She loved that about him.

“Here. Put this on for now, the air conditioning is strong right now. Gonna go turn it down.” He left her in his room as he went to the hall to turn the thermostat down. He could hear her apologizing to Oliver as she must be changing.

“Sorry, angel. I know.. one second. Promise it’ll be even more cozy.” Y/N spoke, changing out of her outfit. It was always so nice just to dress down. The sweater was big on her but it was perfect that way. She reached in her bag and found a scrunchie, pulling her hair up into a messy bun and sitting back down comfortably on the bed with Oliver in her bare lap now. She was leaning with her back against the wall, a pillow behind her as she gently let the kitty who was enjoying her thighs. He pushed his paws against them, stretching his fingers out. He was precious. Is this how normal people lived? We’re these the pleasures of everyday life?

Harry came back in with a smile, seeing her leaning back on the bed. He took the television remote and threw it next to her as he began to unbutton the shirt he had been wearing.

“Choose something’ to watch, baby.” He murmured, opening the closet to grab a soft tee shirt and sweats. He needed some comfort and Y/N and a good pair of sweats could easily be it. “Gonna grab us some waters and then I’ll be back.” He got up in the middle of the night for water so he always kept bottles in the fridge. Getting them, he walked back towards the room. It was only when he sat again did he realize— he was fucking starving.

“Shit. I could really go for some dominos. You in?”

Y/N took over the remote, going on to Netflix and finding something that she felt like they both would be into. A nice feel good movie or something. She needed help choosing though so she decided she’d let him pick from her options once he sat back down. Her brows furrowed when he mentioned dominos.

“What?” She asked, turning her head to look at him. He looked shocked at her answer. “What is that?— don’t give me that look baby...” Y/N whined hating that she had no idea what he was talking about. She was always embarrassed whenever something like this was brought up because if she didn’t grow up the way she did she’d know what that was. The rest of the world knew.

“Hold on— we are getting dominos. S’pizza, baby. Can’t believe you’ve never had it!” He muttered in surprise, checking his phone and opening the app. Of course he had the money to get better stuff but it was comforting. “And we’re gonna get... 2 pizzas, Parmesan breadsticks and the cinnamon breadsticks.” He said decidedly. Yes. Absolutely. It sounded so good. “Christ, feels like the munchies. Haven’t smoked in a bit but even still.” He laughed, rolling on his side to hug her after he ordered.

“Oh— okay, yeah.” She chuckled and felt a blush creep on her cheeks. “My mom never let me eat fast food as a kid and I never had cause I wouldn’t know what to get.” She explained shyly, “Do you wanna watch a Disney movie, a Rom com, or just comedy?” She asked curiously, feeling like she was in the mood for all three. Y/N knew sometimes when she was comfortable she could act like a child, Harry very much knew that after spending a whole week with her, but now being in a home environment it was different.

“Mm. Hate to break it to you, baby bun. But you’ll be having lots of fast food and will know what you like. S’a guilty pleasures, especially after smoking or drinking. Don’t tell your dad about the smoking though.” He requested though knew she wouldn’t. Y/N had missed out on a lot because of her parents. She hadn’t told him that explicitly but it wasn’t hard to miss that she was probably not having the most welcome upbringing. He could see in her eyes that she resented her mother especially whenever it came up. “Hm. I think... Disney, maybe? Proper cuddle material while we wait.” He wasn’t too picky and he was more so in the mood to bury his face in her tits and relax. Then eat. Yeah, he could go for some food. The airplane had snacks but no full meals because Y/N said it wasn’t worth it unless they brought it on at the airport. Besides, he was a lot more relaxed at home and that much was obvious.

“I won’t tell him if you won’t.” Y/N chuckled, knowing she had her own set of drug problems. As every fashion person did, she smoked cigarettes on occasion and did her fair share of cocaine as well. It wasn’t her proudest point, but everyone had to let loose somehow. It was just unfortunate she hadn’t found Harry sooner, maybe she would have a reason to not be so dependent on substance. That was all on her though.

“Wanna cuddle, but Oliver looks so cozy.” She pouted, seeing the kitten all balled up and cozy in her lap. Y/N sighed and picked him up, pulling Harry to koala on to her the way she usually did with him and placed Oliver at her shoulder so he could nuzzle himself there. This was nice. Perfectly cuddled up and surrounded with warmth, between Harry and Oliver, Y/N felt properly complete. Nothing could touch her or hurt her here. None of her parents expectations, none of the social pressures, just warmth and comfort and love. Y/N placed a kiss on top of Harry’s head, hands combing through his hair the way he liked. It seemed to relax him well.

“Have I ever told you that I love your tummy?” Harry asked, his hand had gone under the sweater and ran his hand over it. “Really. S’cute. Wanna leave love bites all over it. Haven’t cum on it yet but I’d like to at some point. S’just great.”

Feeling Harry’s hand on her tummy made Y/N feel rather vulnerable. It wasn’t something that she heard often, or ever for that matter. She often hated that she had meat on her bones because she could never really be a model or anything like that. Other times it made her happy because she knew lots of men went wild for her curves. But to compliment her tummy? That was a first.

“No...” She murmured shyly, feeling her cheeks get all red and her eyes tearing up a little because it just hit home. It hit really hard. Y/N pressed a long kiss to his head, whispering a thank you against his hair. It was something that she never thought she’d hear, having it heard it from her mother nearly everyday of her life growing up.

“Yeah, baby. Love it a lot.” He leaned his head up to kiss her before he slid down and lifted the sweater up to kiss on it. Tender kisses all over the incredibly soft skin, he hummed happily as she played with his hair. Normally when he was between her thighs he was at her cunt but right now he was having fun just kissing from under her breasts to her waistband of her panties. “S’so pretty. All mine.” He sucked gently on the middle of it, watching her face. Oliver has abandoned ship to go lay in his basket, and she has the ability to readjust herself now. “Soft and smooth and all mine.” He repeated. He liked knowing she was his but he also had a feeling she liked being claimed. His kisses moved from her tummy to her thighs, kissing up her legs until he got to her ankles. “The prettiest legs... sexiest feet too.” He wasn’t ashamed to admit that he really did like her feet. Kissing the bottom of her heel, the sole, then the arch.

Y/N was enjoying him properly kissing at her. She liked feeling all loved up on, especially by Harry. He was very good at making her feel appreciated and beautiful, it’s like he worshiped her but that’s the way that she liked it. To have control over him in some way even if he had control in every other way. It was the feet comment that surprised her. She always had small feet, made her rather clumsy, but they were always pedicured and smooth. Most women that wore heels all the time didn’t have the most attractive feet, but Y/N certainly took care of hers. She hadn’t realized how sensitive they were either until he started kissing on them. She squealed a little, feeling ticklish at the arch, his stubble pricking at the soft skin. It was the little things like this that made her realize he really was into her. Harry clearly appreciated a woman’s body, wanted to give her his all. She’d happily take it too.

“Mm. I like them quite a bit.” He smirked, kissing each of her toes. She was squirmy but he didn’t stop until each one had been kissed. It was fun to worship her and show her exactly what she was. Perfect. “I really enjoy touching you all over. Your thighs, your stomach, tits... all of you is so beautiful. Y/N. I feel like no one has properly told you just how stunning you are.” He frowned, looking over her body. “But that’s what I’m here for. Wanna hear a kink of mine?” He hadn’t admitted this to her before but she looked incredibly intrigued. “Mm, there are two. First are your feet. Never had a thing for feet before but yours are gorgeous. Gonna get you a toe ring or something. Love seeing them in heels. Sexy as fuck.” He kissed the side of her foot before letting it down, moving back to lay between her thighs with his hands back on her stomach. “Second one is a bit more taboo. Obviously.. can’t happen now. But I love the idea of gettin’ you pregnant. Watching your tummy grow. Being full of me. Cumming in you so it catches and you’re all mine, fully.” He nipped Above her belly button. “If you ever need me to cum, that’s the type of talk that’ll get me going quick. My Achilles heel, if you will.” He realized he needed to be open with her and tell her more so she would in turn open to him. “Didn’t know I had these kinks until you. Must be Y/N exclusive.”

“Never had a guy who likes feet before...” Y/N was a bit surprised at his admission, but she figured that it was his way of opening up and letting her in. If they were going to be having sex often it would be important to know what he liked. Y/N smiled at him, “can pick what color I get my nails done then, yeah?” She decided she’d be texting him every time or asking him the day before just so she knew what he wanted. “Wanna get me pregnant one day?” She asked curiously, deciding it would be an interesting topic to discuss. Y/N would of course happily have his child, especially if he would be the owner of the company. It was strange because she knew they just started dating, but he basically signed himself into having her hand in marriage. If he wanted the job he couldn’t leave her in a way. “I’ve got a thing for hands... and I really like your hands.” Y/N said and bit her lip softly, “and you know I do like when people are watching or can hear.” Their little escapade with Caroline on the phone proved that. “But a little more taboo though, I do really like being tied up... I struggle a little but it’s part of the act. Like being slapped and spanked too but...”

“Yeah? Wow... that’s hot.” He admitted bluntly. “Like to be slapped? Gotta work up to that. Your face is so precious..” he caresses it from his spot at her stomach. He would if she wanted it through. “Tied up.. that's especially hot. A struggle. Could be fun for role play.” He wondered just how kinky his girl could get with him. He would have to explore more of her. They had 2 days until he had to return to work and he was curious if she wanted to spend it with him. “Now spanking... we have tried and I love it. But I like that you like my hands. They’re on you whenever I have the chance.” Now that it was clear his job wasn’t on the line for daring her, he wasn’t as nervous. Granted he didn’t want to flaunt it too much but, Y/N was worth the ridicule he would face. “But yeah. Wanna get you pregnant for sure. Pretend until then. It’s just sexy to me.”

She was all warm and fuzzy at the thought of him agreeing with her, thinking it was hot. Her sweet sweet boy. Y/N turned her head and kissed the palm of his hand.

“Roleplay huh?” She raised her brow, “feel like that could be fun.” Y/N was excited at that thought because they could fulfill any fantasy they had. “Could pretend you’re trying to get me pregnant if you want, don’t mind that.” Y/N was on the pill and if it didn’t work and she actually ended up pregnant it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. What she was more excited about, was exploring this concept of roleplay a bit more. “What ideas did you have roleplay wise?” She asked curiously, “kinda already had a few fantasies come to life.... bosses daughter, having a mistress...” Y/N teased with a small smirk. “Could have all sorts of fun, hmm?”

“All sorts of fun. I like the idea of you stealing me away. Like you did in a sense... dunno. It’s so hot to me. Maybe be a little maid, know that my wife isn’t giving me what I want so you show me what I need. Or a teacher one. You being a terror of a student who needs a bit of punishment. The opportunities are endless.” They could do so much. “What are you thinking, baby? What gets you all wet?” He was curious to know what she would really get off on when it came to scenarios.

Y/N listened and hummed at the thought of all these scenarios. She was getting all excited, excited to try things out and see where they went. “I like those... a lot.” She hummed, her mind specifically liking the one where she’s tied up.

“Just really like the idea of you taking complete control.. anything like that gets me going.” It might be her escapist complex, but anything where she didn’t have to be herself was already a win for her. “Wonder just how taboo you are with it though...” Y/N wouldn’t judge because she was rather kinky, but she didn’t want to say something that would freak him out. “You know all those classic porn set ups... the step sibling ones, can pretend we hate each other, pretend we’re cheating... love the idea of like.. animalistic sex. Maybe a police officer? All kinds.. think you’d just be hot doing anything to be honest.”

“Trust me.. I’m in for anything.” His eyes darkened at the scenarios. Nothing would scare him away from her. Nothing at all. He couldn’t be swayed. Not when potentially best found his soul mate in this woman. “Fuck.. all of those. Step sibling, cheating.... you want me to lose it hm? Want me to get all primal with you.” He could see a pattern in her. She liked doing what she wasn’t supposed to, and doing it as taboo as she could. He loved that. “Don’t have to worry about how taboo you are with me, baby. Nothing can scare me away. I want it dirty and kinky and wrong.” He licked his lips. “Made love to you the first night and it was amazing but... sex with us could be so much fun. I’d love to do all of those.” He wanted that badly. To have adventurous sex. “Like doing it where people can hear or know we’re fucking too. May have to take you to one of those fancy stores and have you in their dressing rooms.”

That last suggestion hit differently, that being something quite realistic for Y/N. Of course she knew that since she was a loyal customer they’d never tell her she couldn’t come back, but it would definitely be a place where she would at least have to be a little quiet.

“Come up here.” Y/N mumbled, wanting him back up with her so that she could properly kiss on him. “Already got me going and we’ve got a pizza to eat...” She whined, cupping at the side of his neck and leaning up to kiss him hungrily. Y/N doubted they’d be able to hold back for long anyway, they’d spent 6 hours on a plane and an hour ride back without doing anything. That was a new record. “Gonna let me live out all my fantasies, hmm? Especially when you’re the CEO... gonna fuck me on your desk.” Y/N mumbled against his lips, “Gonna call you daddy for real too... can’t wait.” She really was so eager to please him especially in knowing that he was just as adventurous as she was. She couldn’t imagine why on earth he denied her for so long if his ex was as vanilla as he described.

“Course. Gonna try out every fantasy we have, I think. S’never gonna get boring with us.” He knew that pretty well. Y/N was exciting and full of new prospects. She was a dream. It was then that he heard the doorbell ring. “Fucks sake. Gotta open the door with this stiffy now.” He sighed, gently peeling himself from her.

“That’ll be one lucky pizza person.” Y/N chuckled, smirking to herself because she knew she had a sexy ass boyfriend who looked incredibly fuckable right now. Of course, they’d have to eat pizza... and probably brush their teeth after so they didn’t taste like garlic, not that either of them cared but still.

“Be right back, baby.” He grabbed his wallet with the tip included, opening the door to a younger teenage girl who flushed at the sight of him. His mouth was red from kissing and Harry a mess, and his cock was visibly hard in his sweats. A tiny smirk raised on his face as he took the food and gave her a 50, telling her to keep the change. Which was quite a bit, to be fair. He made his way back into the room, placing the food on the bed. At her shocked look it was apparent she never really ate in bed like this but it was a first timer for everything. “Can’t wait for you to try this. S’better when you’re drunk but I think every food is.”

“Really?” She eyed him and saw he was getting cups for their soda. This was new for her. It did smell really good. “Okay.. teach me, what should I eat first?” Y/N asked, wondering if there was a way to eat it. Thankfully, he had ordered a basic cheese pizza and then the other had toppings on it. She’d try both. Taking a bite was like heaven. It tasted so fucking good she moaned louder than expected. “Oh my god— how is this food?” She asked with a mouth full. Y/N was practically ready to inhale it. Never did she think it would taste like this.

He grinned proudly to himself. Yes. Finally, he had introduced her to the delicacies in his world. She may have Caviar, but Harry had dominos and McDonald’s at 3 am. A proper little feast.

“Can’t believe you’ve never had it before. Welcome to my world.” He chuckled, obviously teasing her. “S’the world of calories and carbs. I have to work out for sure sometimes but it’s worth it, I think.” He shrugged. Yeah, it was. Y/N wouldn’t need to work out. Secretly he wouldn’t mind if she got a bit thicker. He just loved that. “Mm.” He took a drink of his water as he watched her do a little happy dance at the taste. She was so beautiful. He was lucky. Genuinely so lucky. “You’re cute.” He grinned at her. She stopped and looked at him with full cheeks of pizza and blushed a little bit. He loved it. She was so real at his house. Not that she wasn’t real other times but this felt so much more authentic to what he saw in her.

“It’s so good!” She told him, eyes wide as she continued to eat. Y/N couldn’t tell you the last time she had any carb that wasn’t gourmet. Maybe never. Y/N has pizza but only the really flat veggie packed stuff. Not this bready cheesy goodness. “You’re an angel.” It might seem small to most people, but not to her. Her mother never allowed her to eat stuff that all the other kids were able to eat, even when she went to birthday parties she’d have her eat something else. It was always embarrassing, she felt almost guilty eating a lot of it but she couldn’t stop herself. Y/N blushed, looking at him as if she’d been caught doing something she wasn’t supposed to but eventually cracked a smile and giggled a bit. “‘s good I can’t help it..” She mumbled and took another bite, holding the pizza with both of her hands.

He was falling in love with her and he knew it. He could tell by the way his heart beat harder Just looking at her. She sat there and giggled over pizza and was in his sweat and damn, did he want to rail her right now.

“We can get it whenever you want, baby. Gotta start indulging a little bit.” He wasn’t going to let her hate any bit of her or hold herself back for stupid reasons. She was going to enjoy life with him, damn it. “You’re so lovely.” He gently rubbed her thigh before returning to his own pizza. Still, he watched her. He felt himself falling. And he wasn’t scared of it. Not at all. He was welcoming it. He had a feeling she needed someone to love on her and Harry had a lot of love to give. Especially to her. He wanted to make her feel beautiful and appreciated because he knew it meant a lot to her.

----

Y/N didn’t mean to.

She didn’t mean to be so clingy but she couldn’t help it. Spending time with Harry felt like walking on air, she had not a single worry when she was with him and it seemed like she could do no wrong. So forgive her for clinging on to such positivity and light, that’s all she ever craved and wanted.

It started with her coming into his office for just about any reason she could think of, she would stick around until he father or someone else called her to do something. She didn’t even say much when she was in his office, just came to sit down and hang out with him and listen to him handle business. Then, it moved on to her asking if she could come over... little by little she started coming over his house nearly every single day, taking care of Oliver or even helping him with his chores. Yes, that’s right, she even did chores for him. Willingly. She moved on to buying him more gifts. More vintage stuff, new clothes and decor. Little things that she knew he would like, things she knew would make him smile. Be it a movie poster or a vinyl. Anything she could find, she got for him. She loved him, felt like she needed to thank him for everything.

Harry was a bit shocked to say the least. He had assumed that maybe she would be a bit of the type that would want gifts, but Y/N was the opposite. Instead she was the one bringing him things like watches or buying him fucking gucci boots, records or movies and first editions of books be liked. He didn’t really know what to do. He loved that she was thinking of him but didn’t want her to spend money like that. The suggestion not only fell on deaf ears and he woke up to a knock on his door and Y/N with a gourmet breakfast sandwich in hand the following day. It wasn’t like he didn’t like the fact she was around. She was lovely. Y/N made him feel like a king. But he also worried if he was doing enough. If she wanted more. How he could do that.

It was a huge change from being alone most nights, to Y/N calling at 10 pm with a pout in her voice that she was cold and lonely. He usually ended up with her in his arms half an hour later. The thing that worried him the most was work. His reputation was still important to him and while Y/N was trying— she was also trying to sneak. Nearly every day this week he had seen her and had her come in to bring him a coffee and pout her lips for a kiss, only getting one after the door was closed.

Today, just like every other day, Y/N brought coffee and breakfast for herself, her father and Harry. Her father was of course on board with her buttering Harry up, happy that his favorite employee was dating his daughter. Of course, Harry didn’t realize Y/N had told him that.

“Hi baby!” She cooed, walking right over to him with her heels clicking against the floor. “Brought you your favorite... and a little treat because it’s the weekend.” Y/N hummed, looking at him with a bright smile. Harry thought that them being together would threaten his reputation, but to be honest, it was making it even better. Her father was even more inclined to give him the promotion, more inclined to give him a bonus, more responsibility, and more paid time off. All because he was making his little girl happy.

“Hi, my angel.” He said lowly, motioning his head to close the door first. He didn’t love hiding their relationship but he also knew that Y/N was quite loud. And the people on this floor were very nosy. As soon as it was closed, he motioned her over so she could sit with him, but instead she found her seat in his lap. Hm. Well, that wasn’t a complaint, really. She felt good. The way she sat on his thighs and brushed her long nails through his hair... well? He couldn’t complain. “You’re being awfully sweet.” He said suspiciously. “What are you avoiding asking?” He knew the way she was when she wanted something. While she was normally sweet? Y/N got this little look. This little giggle to her words and batting of the lashes to soften whatever blow there would be it he wasn’t happy.

Y/N tried not to take it to heart, him choosing to hide their relationship while at work. She tried to remind herself that this was something he wanted and she needed to respect that, Y/N was working on putting some of his needs first. It was something she read on a relationship blog once. After closing the door and letting herself into his lap, she got comfortable, setting the food on the clear space of his desk and humming a little bit as he leaned into her touch.

“I’m not...” Y/N mumbled, pressing a kiss to his temple. “Was just... thinking maybe we could go out for lunch today? And then... maybe you and Oliver could come over to mine for dinner?” She knew it wasn’t really much to ask in her mind, but she just wanted to do something for him because he was constantly doing stuff for her. In his eyes, he wasn’t doing much at all, but to her? He was opening up a whole new world she never got to experience. “Cause we’re always hanging out at yours, and I really like it at yours... I just wanted to show you my place and like... hang out and stuff, but we don’t have to!”

“Oh? That’s all?” He was expecting something else. The nerves she had looking a bit, he had expected something much more extreme. Going to her house wouldn’t be an issue. “Lunch, yeah. That’s fine. Just tell me where to go. We can go to yours tonight, pumpkin. I didn’t want to ask to go cause I was letting you keep privacy is that was something you wanted. But I’m happy to come over. Oliver will love to as well.” He knew the kitten loved Y/N possibly more than him. It was crazy. He was incredibly confused at how Y/N had so quickly managed to sneak herself into every bit of his life but she did. He didn’t mind at all, either. That’s the crazy part. “I'd like to see your stuff. I’m curious to see all the things you’ve got.” She said she collected stuff so he was happy to finally be let into that part of her. Plus, he would have a much larger bed. She had said she had a California king. His was a queen so, it would be a welcome change.

She still had that little voice in her heart saying she asked for too much. Her previous boyfriends didn’t like how clingy she was and she tried to wind it back as much as she could. With Harry she just couldn’t seem to hold back though, she constantly wanted his attention and praise as if one day he’d turn on her. She was slowly learning how to properly trust.

“Really?” Y/N smiled widely at his agreement and leaned forward to press a kiss to his lips. She kept it quick because she knew he would scold her, but she giggled and went to kiss his cheek. “Yay!” She genuinely couldn’t wait to have him over. Y/N has lots of space for Oliver to roam around, she had already bought him a little box and some food. Even bought him some toys to play with in preparation. She was thinking of getting herself a kitten too because she liked Oliver so much. “I’m excited... we’re going to have so much fun! I can’t wait!” Y/N was practically bouncing in her seat. “Eat your breakfast, baby.” She cooed to him, nodding at the breakfast that was laid out on the desk. Y/N, in the meantime, pulled out her phone to make a reservation for lunch at Harry’s favorite fancy place.

He watched as she made a reservation. Her mood was significantly higher today, as yesterday he hadn’t been able to have a sleepover with her because he’d gotten back very late and had to go in early. She felt a bit more clingy today in energy but... honestly? He wasn’t angry about it. It was a good type of clingy. A good type of feeling to him. It was a warm and fuzzy type of thing that had him smiling when he realized she always liked to have a hand on him. It made him feel a bit less bad for telling off a dickhead in the break room who had commented on her tits. He hadn’t told her about that though. He had been professional but displeased and told him if he heard something else like that about a guess that he would go to HR. Or her father directly, more like. It was hard not to punch him in the snotty face. “I did miss you last night.” He murmured. “A lot less warm, even though you’re a blanket hog.”

Y/N set her phone down on his desk and moved to push some pieces of hair away from his face as he ate, she was hoping he wasn’t too busy. Not that her dad would mind if he didn’t get something done on time because of her. She had the upper hand that way, father’s guilt and all.

“Hey!” She pouted, “am not!” Y/N scrunched her nose and let out a little sigh. “Just wanna be closer to you, don’t know how the blanket gets there.” She really did wish she could stay clung to him as they slept. He was so warm and comfortable, but tonight they’d be sleeping on her massive bed so there would be plenty of room for them. She had a big big plan for dinner, she was actually going to cook it herself. She had been practicing and it turns out she wasn’t bad at it at all.

“What’s your favorite food?” Y/N asked curiously, knowing she had asked him before but she wanted to make sure so she could get the stuff to make it tonight.

“Hm. I like loads of things. Love chicken parm, I like tacos. Egg rolls. I dunno, I don’t know if I have one set favorite. I have categories.” He hummed around his food. “Love ginger lemon scones and strawberries on waffles for breakfast. Also that Nutella shit on French toast.” He felt more comfortable around her to speak freely. “And I have my favorites at fast food places. A loaded question.” Harry really did like his food and loved to eat. It was a lot. He knew that much.

Y/N took notes, thinking about what she could manage to make for them tonight. Chicken parm seemed simple enough, she could definitely cook them up some of that. Some pasta on the side. It would be perfect. The waffles idea sounded great for breakfast and she could manage that too. She had everything. Y/N felt like she was doing something right for once, trying to be a normal girlfriend for him.

“But—“ he wasn’t interrupted by the door slamming open, Y/N’s hand holding his hair as they startled slightly to see a frazzled woman walk in.

Oh, for fucks sake. Caroline. The woman looked irritated seeing Y/N sat up on his lap, legs bare as her skirt didn’t cover much when she sat.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

Y/N looked over and spotted Caroline, her face immediately falling. There goes her good mood. Y/N wasn’t nice when she didn’t get her way.

“Who the fuck let you in here?” Y/N snapped, getting up immediately and stepping towards her. Someone was getting fired today, that’s for sure. It had been a few weeks since she and Harry got together, almost a month, and this woman was still at it? Harry stood up and stepped behind Y/N, his arm resting on her waist. He didn’t want a fight to truly break out, as hot as it may be in his mind. Y/N was too important to him to get hurt. He didn’t like it at all.

“I just walked in! I said I was here to see Harry.” She glared at him. “But I see he’s still busy trying to sleep his way to the top with some used heiress cunt.”

She just walked in? Oh. Someone was definitely getting fired.

It was shocking because Harry hadn’t ever seen this type of shit from Caroline. It didn’t really make much sense because Y/N had been with him for a while now.

“You little—“ Y/N was cut off by Harry voice.

“Caroline... absolutely not appropriate. Y/N is wonderful and I won’t stand you speaking to her or about her like that.” He said darkly, pulling her back into his body.

Y/N felt all warm in her stomach. As sweet as it was, Y/N was still angry and fully intended on handling this all by herself. She placed a hand over Harry’s and thumbed over the skin.

“You wish someone wanted to use your cunt.” Y/N spat, “get the fuck out of here. It’s pathetic, you couldn’t keep him if you tried....” Y/N’s tone was lethal. “Coming ‘round invited to talk to my boyfriend? About what? What can you offer him that I can’t?” She wasn’t going to let her win this, wouldn’t let her leave unless she was walking out with her tail between her legs.

“He’s going to get bored with you! Get the promotion and use your body until your implants and shit pop! And then he’ll be crawling back to me.” Where Caroline got this type of information or how she thought that didn’t make such sense whatsoever.

Harry was a bit worried about if Y/N would read into it but she was a scrappy little thing, Harry holding her waist and letting her approach slowly. He didn’t want a physical fight. Y/N nearly raised her hand to slap her but Harry held her back, her jaw clenching.

“Sweetie, you know full well my shit is real! Give it up!” She was seething, trying to avoid calling her names because she didn’t want to make herself seem like she wasn’t classy. “Think he would want you after me? You’re delusional.” She scoffed before continuing. “Harry was going to get the promotion before he even went to Paris! Hell, probably earlier! He’s fucking incredible at what he does and is more the capable of running this company regardless if he’s balls deep inside my cunt!”

Harry placed a kiss at the back of her head which did calm her down some. It reminded her that he was here for her and that nothing this woman could say would change how he felt. Y/N was still defensive, knowing she wanted him back and knowing Harry did have a history with her. She’d be devastated if he did leave her to get back with Caroline.

“I’m not leaving her, or using her for a promotion. I don’t know what’s going through your head right now but it obviously isn’t what is needed.” He muttered, kissing the back of Y/N’s head again. Hoping to keep her calm. “She’s what I want. We broke up. You’ve heard more than enough.” He raised a brow, bringing up that phone call again where she had heard her fucking Harry. “And what a wonderful cunt it is.” He snickered against her hair, but he knew Caroline could hear it when she growled out angrily.

“This isn’t fucking over! You’ll come back. You will.” Caroline turned from Harry to Y/N, giving her a glare. “Trust me. He’s boring as it is, but he’s mine. Understand that? Leave it be. Go marry a fucking governor or some shit and leave him to me. I’m not giving up.” She seethed before stomping out of the office.

“What the fuck?” Harry asked, leaning against his desk as he tried to catch up on what the fuck just happened. Y/N was angry. He felt that, so he held her hand and pulled her closer to him, bringing her into a hug. “S’okay. Relax. I don’t know what the duck that was about... but we’ll make sure she doesn’t get back up here.”

“I’m going to kill her.”

Y/N was angry for multiple reasons. One being she stepped into this office without being allowed to, second, she disrespected her, third, she disrespected Harry, and on top of all that, she said he was hers. Absolutely the fuck not. Y/N wrapped her arms around Harry and rested her head on his chest, hands pressed flat against his back.

“The fucking nerve... I’ll end her.” She might not physically kill her, but she would definitely ruin her life. If she kept acting up Y/N could make her disappear. “How dare she say that about you?” She asked, lifting her head so she was looking up at him. “How dare she...” Y/N mumbled and cupped his cheeks. “You are not boring at all. And I meant what I said... you’re more than capable of ruining the company now if need be.”

“I know. I know that she’s angry and saying stupid things. Don’t play into her. As sexy as it is to see you angry... it isn’t worth any pain.” He explained. He understood that Caroline had riled her up, but she didn’t mean anything to him. “She means nothing to me. Nothing. Not the dirt on my shoe. How could she when I have the sexiest and most brilliant woman?” He smoothed his hands down her sides, stopping at her hips. “Already all sorts of better. Especially where it all counts.” In bed and in the heart. “Seeing you come to my defense is incredibly sexy, don't get me wrong, baby. I just think it isn’t worth the time getting angry. You’re mine, yeah? M’yours? Nothing else matters besides us.” He wanted to be chill and relax.

Y/N knew she shouldn’t play into it, realistically she knew that, but there was a bunch of insecurity that Y/N felt about the situation. She knew Caroline wasn’t right, but it wasn’t like Y/N wasn’t already trying to be as ‘normal’ as she could whenever she could be. She was scared of pushing Harry too far with all her expensive tastes, knowing that once they got back from Paris they sort of just hung out at his and ate take out and honestly... it was amazing. Y/N was happy doing that if it meant she got Harry. It was the first time in her life where material things didn’t matter as shallow as that sounds.

Did he ever think about what it would be like if he wasn’t dating her? How could he be so quick to say Caroline meant nothing when he dated her for a while and was so reluctant to give into her? Maybe it was just her insecurities talking.

“Yeah... you’re right... ‘s not worth it.” She mumbled softly, having zoned out a little bit. Y/N would be okay, they’d be okay. It just wasn’t something Y/N wanted to think about this morning. “I’m going to go sort the security out... put her on a list or something, I’ll let you get back to work.” She spoke gently, giving him a small smile before she left the office.

Y/N had let a bit of her anger out at the security guy downstairs for not following orders. She didn’t fire him, knowing he was a nice man who had a family, but she certainly scolded the fuck out of him and the lady at reception that both knew she wasn’t allowed up here. Y/N hated that she couldn’t exactly say Harry was her boyfriend yet either. Another kick to the stomach when she was already feeling down.

There was a little tiny voice that crept in then. Was Caroline right? Was there a reason that she came back or felt like she needed to come back? Harry has been so adamant about not telling anyone about them being together but was also weary about getting together in the first place. Y/N knew it was stupid, she shouldn’t think that way, she trusted Harry. She swore she was in love with him. But she was still insecure, felt like maybe he was ashamed of her or something.

She tried to pick herself up before lunch, not wanting him to think there was anything wrong because it wasn’t at all his fault that she was feeling anxious. She was taught to stay quiet about these things, her previous boyfriends hated when she got this way and refused to listen. She didn’t want him to yell or get upset at her for thinking something so stupid.

When she noticed he was a few minutes late she got a bit nervous and for a second she let that voice slip through and thought maybe he forgot. It startled her a little when he sat down, noticing the soft smile on his face. A wave of relief hit her at that and she returned the smile after a beat, saying a small ‘hi’ and ‘it’s okay’

“Sorry I’m a minute late. A bit of traffic downtown with an accident.” He murmured, settling down. “Are you gonna tell me what’s wrong, babe?” He asked, sewing right through her little smile. “Cause I know you’re upset or thinking about something and I don’t like thinkin’ about you like that. Was worried since you left the office.”

Y/N’s body froze a little when he asked her about what was wrong, knowing full well she wasn’t slick and Harry would see right through it. He always did. She remembered even when they were in Paris he could tell whenever even something small was off about her.

“I’m okay, I’m just thinking too much...” Y/N didn’t want to have a breakdown in public.

“Yeah?” He reached out and took her hand in his own, squeezing it gently. “If y’want to talk about it we can. Or you can wait and tell me tonight. But you can talk to me.” He didn’t want to push her too hard or too fast because he knew opening up wasn’t an easy feat. But he also wanted her to know that he was there. He wasn’t upset or angry and could see she was upset. “What’s good here?” He loved on because he was going to let her tell him when she was ready. However he wouldn’t let it go. He could give her time but he wanted to know what bothered her. He knew that in relationships, if you didn’t talk shit out it would blow up in your face. Y/N looked saddened when he had taken his hand back so he placed it back on the table so she could hold it. Her smile returned slightly and he felt the warm small hand back in his own as he looked at the menu.

“Can we talk about it later?” She hated how small her voice sounded. Y/N was a sensitive little thing, especially if someone was able to press the right buttons. It was one of her weaknesses, but thankfully she didn’t have many. “They have really good sandwiches... I also really like their poke bowls.” Y/N spoke and decided she would get one of those. It was essentially like eating sushi in a bowl format. She was happy he returned his hand to the table for her to hold, especially because she was feeling a little fragile. She would get better as lunch went on but she just needed to get her mind off of everything. “I told daddy I wasn’t going back to work after lunch, but I’m going to go home and relax a bit... you take your time though, yeah? I gotta go grocery shopping and stuff.” Y/N didn’t want to ruin the surprise.

“Oh, that’s alright. I’ve got some things to finish and I want to get things done. After that I’ll get my things and head over.” He was still concerned about what Y/N was upset over however he knew he only had so much power and he wanted her to trust him and come to him when she was ready.

Harry ended up with a sandwich and they had a light conversation over lunch about kittens and her place, it was rather nice. Calm. Relaxed. He was happy to be able to do that. All he wanted to do was give her a reason to smile today. He knew that he was often a bit stoic and kept to himself about it but he was hopeful that tonight would be less tense. He kissed her mouth and nose goodbye before leaving, promising her he would be at hers by 7. He wanted to shower first even though it was probably they’d get dirty again, and he needed to get Oliver’s little carrier. He would be excited to see his Y/N.

Y/N had asked her driver to take her to the nearest Whole Foods so she could get the stuff for dinner. She had a list on her phone of stuff she needed to get for the recipe and bought everything she needed. Just in case it turned out crap, she bought a frozen pizza and some ice cream for dessert so that they still had something to eat. Sure it was all still floating around in her head but she was feeling much better now. She knew she just had to talk to Harry about it when he came over and that would clear things up both for him and for her. She would be safe to cry in her own home and he wouldn’t judge her. He never did.

----

To Y/N’s surprise, the meal turned out pretty good. It smelled amazing and looked delicious, she just needed to keep everything on the heat so that it was warm when Harry got here. She had changed into some comfortable clothes, hoping he would do the same and went to go fill Oliver’s bowl with some food and water.

Harry had changed out of his work clothes and carefully packaged up his bag. It was the weekend so he didn’t have to worry about a suit, but he didn’t know of her plans so he put in a good outfit as well as his normal clothes. Oliver knew something was going on and mewed the whole time, happily getting into his carrier. Harry stopped and got flowers for her on the way, bringing them up to her penthouse. His name was apparently on the list of who to let up and he was buzzed in, given the floor number and sent on his way. This building was fancy as fuck. And big. He was a bit surprised, though he shouldn’t be, turning about and seeing only two doors. Y/N and someone else’s.

Y/N was nervous. She wasn’t sure why, but she was. You’d think inviting your boyfriend to your house wasn’t something you’d be worried about, but Y/N just wanted everything to go well. She didn’t exactly have the best day and hopefully this dinner and a nice chat with him afterwards would make her feel better. Maybe this could alleviate some of her worry. When he arrived at the door Y/N smiled to herself walking over to open it up and instantly feeling a bit of relief. Just knowing he was going to be here for a little while already made her feel better. They were safe and protected. It felt good.

“Oh— these are for me?” Y/N was surprised, looking at him with the softest and most gentle gaze. He really went out of his way to get her flowers. It meant more than he would know. It wasn’t like he got a florist to make her a bouquet, he personally picked one to bring to her. “Thank you, baby.” Y/N cooed and went in to give him a hug and a kiss, beckoning him inside. “I um... I made dinner.” She said with a blush. Those were words he had never heard before.

“You did?” He was happy. Y/N making him dinner meant way more than anything else would. The fact she had put time and effort into it made his heart all happy and soft. Truly, it was something that had his stomach warm and happy. “That’s so amazing, sweetheart.” He said happily, placing the carrier Oliver was in down so he could open it up. Immediately the kitten mewed and went for Y/N, pawing at her leg until she picked him up. He knew they were both gone for her.

Y/N nodded her head proudly, letting out a little giggle when he paid her the compliment. It meant so much to her too, to see him appreciate the work and effort she put in. She didn’t do this for anyone. Only him. He was the most important thing in her life and Oliver of course. She giggled when pawed at her leg and picked him up with her free hand that wasn’t holding the flowers.

“Hi buddy! How are you? My sweet angel?” She asked and kissed his head, “you excited to be at my house? I got lots of stuff for you to check out! Lots of places to explore.” Y/N cooed and led the pair into the kitchen. She set Oliver down for the moment on the floor so she could put the flowers in a vase with water before looking back over at Harry.

“Your place.. wow.” It was huge. Very big and kind of.. empty. But beautiful. It was modern style and it was nice. Definitely a lot less vintage and honey than he would prefer however, he was happy right now. Just being with her at home. “Smells really good, baby. I’m so hungry.”

“Do you like it?” She asked shyly, wondering how he felt about her place. “I—I know it’s really empty and stuff but, I don’t really know how to make it feel more occupied when I’m the only one here...” Y/N explained, hating how it wasn’t nearly lived in enough. Maybe if he came over more it wouldn’t feel as weird. “It’s chicken parm and penne pasta. It’s almost done! The chicken is done just have to finish tossing the pasta in the sauce and then we can sit down and eat.” Y/N was excited. It tasted good, she made sure she tried it before so that she knew she wasn’t serving shit to her boyfriend.

“Wow... that’s amazing, baby. Made it just for me?” He was ecstatic. She had asked him early to make his favorite? He felt himself melt and brought her into his arms, kissing over her forehead a few times before he moved her out of the way to help get some glasses. “I like it. It’s very roomy and has a ton of potential. I would be a bit lonely with so much space, but I think for multiple people it would be a dream.” If he had a place like this, he would add lots of warm things. Plants and his record player, a comfy rug and couch, art. Stuff to make it at home. “What would you like to drink?” He asked, opening her fridge. She had some juice, sparkling water, wine coolers. It made him laugh a little at the last one. And he saw a pack of beers, she no doubt got for him.

“Just for you... you’re my favorite...” She blushed as she watched him get some glasses. She went to go put the pasta in the sauce and looked over at him, “um... wine? There should be a few bottles in there. You choose..” Y/N was definitely not short of options. Her fridge was massive though, definitely fit for a family but it was just her for now. So she used it for drinks.

Y/N hoped that maybe one day, the two of them could live here together. Have their own family with kids and kittens and just everything that she ever dreamed of. “I do get a bit lonely, ‘s why I’m always at yours... but you’re welcome to come stay here whenever you want! Both of you, you’re always welcome.”

It tickled Harry more than it should have when she confirmed he was her favorite. It felt good to know that he was. She was his favorite too.

“Lonely? You can always come to mine. Or we can come to yours. I always figured you wanted to keep this place private, so I never really bothered you about it.” He explained, but now that he knew? He would be likely to come over often? If that’s what she would like. He chose some white wine which would go well with the chicken, placing the glasses down at the sleek looking dining table. It was then that he leaned against the kitchen island and raised a brow at her. Her little apron was adorable and he wanted to squish her so badly. Also see her in nothing but that. “I gotta say... m’sad.” He sighed. “I didn’t get a proper kiss from you.”

Y/N had finished plating everything, covering the left overs with lids before walking them over to the table. She looked up at him when he said that he was sad, tilting her head to the side with a frown.

“Oh! I’m sorry baby, I just got really excited and I didn’t want the food to burn!” She pouted and ran over to him to wrap her arms around him again so they could have a proper kiss. She leaned forward and attached their lips, giving him a sweet and solid kiss. Y/N couldn’t quite explain it, but she was putting all her love into this kiss and it wasn’t meant to be intense. It was just meant to show him how much she cared. How much she well... loved him.

Harry was a little shocked by the kiss. There was... something behind it. It felt warm. His hands holding her waist tightened and he hummed happily into it, head leaned down to take her mouth the way she wanted it to be taken. He pulled back with a smile, cupping her cheeks before pecking her mouth a few more times. “There’s my girl. That’s what m’talkin’ about.” He loved those kisses. Was truly starting to fall for her too. “I missed you.” He said again. Last night had felt weird alone. It had only been about 4 total nights he had been alone and they were starting to feel more and more odd. He liked being around her and didn’t want that to stop or end any time soon. Ever.

Y/N smiled back at him and moved to nuzzle her face into his neck for a hug. Sometimes you just needed a hug and his little ‘I missed you’ only made her squeeze him a bit tighter.

“Missed you too.” She mumbled against his skin and pulled away again to look at him. “Let’s eat, yeah? Don’t want it to get cold.” She herself was surprised at how good the meal was. Maybe she was trying extra hard because she knew Harry was going to eat it, but regardless it turned out great. It redeemed her hope in being the girlfriend Harry deserved. She didn’t just want to be some prissy rich girl, though she could never stop being the prissy rich girl.

Oliver has found his things which made her happy, he seemed to really like the little cat tree she got for him, as well as the Gucci cat toy. What? Oliver deserves some nice things too.

“You did not get him a fucking gucci cat toy?” Harry scoffed, a laugh erupting from him as he watched the kitty carry it over and plop down next to the table with it. Y/N merely shrugged. “Christ. You’re somethin’ else. You know that?” His smile was enough to prove he wasn’t angry but amused. Y/N was a giver and he knew that but a cat toy? Like that? Probably at the least $100? It was amusing.

“What?” Y/N shrugged, looking over at Oliver and smiling at how he seemed to like it. “He’s got expensive taste. He’s lucky he’s got a mommy like me, hmm?” She spoke down to Oliver and realized she had taken claim in the cat. She looked up at him with a questioning look, as if to ask if it was okay. Y/N also knew he would bring up what happened earlier after dinner. She wasn’t really ready to talk about it, but she had to let him know what was going on in her mind. Only he could give her the real clarity that she needed anyway

Harry didn’t mind. She basically was his mommy anyways. She cared for him and bought him things, gave her all the loving she could and was sweet to him. What else could a cat want. Plus... he kind of liked that idea. It was a little scary— don’t get him wrong. But, he didn’t want her to go away. Ever.

The whole dinner was amazing. However, he was still worried about the girl and what had upset her beforehand. He was hoping Caroline hadn't gotten under her skin but he had a feeling that perhaps it was, and that made him annoyed. Not at her— but the fact that she had been so stupid to come to his office after he blocked her number and obviously had moved on? The food had been really good, especially because he knew she didn’t cook much at all. He had done it for him and it meant a lot to him.

“Thank you. It means a lot that you’d cook for me.” Harry smiled, bringing his plate towards the sink so he could rinse it off.

“You’re very welcome... I’d do just about anything for you, you know?” Y/N spoke sweetly, coming up behind him and kissing his back before allowing him to rinse off her plate as well. Y/N took this time to put all the leftovers into Tupperware, deciding that they could eat it again for lunch tomorrow and then maybe get some take away for dinner.

When Y/N finished she helped him dry off the clean dishes and put them away, pressing a kiss to his cheek as a thank you before she took his hand and led him upstairs to her bed room. Oliver would follow them if he wanted, she also had stuff for him upstairs. The view from her bedroom was incredible, much like his office, the entirety of the wall was glass and it looked beautifully over the city. The night sky was clear and everything just seemed to be perfect in this moment. Y/N walked over to her closet and set his bag down in there, already having made a little section for him to have if he wanted. She came out dressed in just one of his tee shirts and climbed into bed, letting him take his time with the view.

Harry has caught her crawling into bed, his eyes following her body. God, he adored this woman. So much. She was incredible and sweet and he was feeling all sorts of wound up but he knew he needed to get what was in her mind, out. He stripped down to his briefs, like he always did and crawled into bed next to her. She immediately found purchase curled up against him when he decided to bring it up while he played with her hair.

“Can you tell me what’s bothering you?” It was a simple request. Really, it was just because he cared, but he needed to establish good communication with her because he was hoping that they could take this long term. He had no plans of leaving and wanted to work on them, fully. Get to know her the best he could and date her until the time was right. Most people would be scared but Harry likes to feel things out. So far, it all felt very good. Once he had given in.

Y/N was tracing over his tattoos when he asked her about earlier. Honestly, she didn’t know how to fully explain to him what was going on, but she owed him an explanation of sorts. He was only asking because he cared and he wanted to know. He wasn’t going to make fun of her or anything. She just had to get past that in her mind.

“I... I know that what she said wasn’t true, I know that.” Y/N prefaced, “it did strike a chord with me though, because... it was already something I was sort of battling already in my mind... like, the idea that maybe I’m not ‘normal’ enough for you.” Y/N knew how it sounded, but to her it was a genuine concern. “Afraid that— that since those slimy businessmen that I dated before thought I was too much to handle that you definitely would think I’m too much to handle.” Y/N tried to keep herself as calm as possible but it wasn’t really working. “A—and it’s my biggest fear that someday you’ll be fed up with me like they were and that you won’t want to deal with me anymore.” Y/N hid her face farther into him, her arm around his waist gripping him tighter as if he was going to get up and leave. “Just... Scary cause I don’t know... what if she was right? What if you do get tired of me? I—I wouldn’t know what to do.” Tears started to escape her eyes. “It’s— it’s why I try so hard to, to try and be more normal and stuff, don’t want to just be your prissy rich girl girlfriend... want you to be proud to call me your girlfriend, don’t want you to be ashamed or want to keep me a secret..”

“Oh... baby, no.” Harry felt a crack in his heart. He hated that she felt that way. While he found understanding that she could feel that way... he knew that she would be thinking all sorts of stuff. “First of all... you’re very different to girls I have dated. But I think that it’s wonderful.” He began to explain, trying to brush tears away. “Baby... fuck, please don’t cry. S’okay. M’not going anywhere.” He tried to soothe for a moment before continuing. “I don’t think that anyone else would be as perfect to date as tou. Not only are you understanding of my work and the environment, but I know you wouldn’t be using me for money.” He joked, letting her nuzzle her face into the palm of his hand. “You are a light. Yeah? A pretty light that keeps me lookin’ up. How could I ever get tired of you? The fact of the matter is, she was projecting. She knew I was tired of her. And the reason for that being— she didn’t communicate with me, she wouldn’t do the things I’d like or take the time to truly know who I was or what I like. And then you....” he raised a brow. “You spoil me rotten even though I don’t ask. I barely have to ask for anything but kisses because you just naturally know.” He explained smoothly.

“You get anxious and needy a little bit, that isn’t at all a problem with me. In fact, I like that you like being close to me. I’m not at all ashamed of you. At all.” He needed to stress that point. “I keep us out of the office because I don’t need people harassing me or you about it and the promotion. What I was thinking, was once I’m there? I don’t care. But... if it really really hurts you? I don’t mind... if it’s something that pains you. I can let people know.”

Y/N listened closely, taking in deep shaky breaths. Her bottom lip was still trembly, mostly because the second she got going she couldn’t really stop, but she was trying for him. Y/N swallowed thickly and pressed a soft kiss to the palm of his hand before nuzzling against it. She let out a sad little giggle at his comment, sniffling and nodding along because she didn’t quite trust her voice just yet. Y/N knew he wouldn’t be angry or upset with her, but the reassurance was definitely something she needed a lot of. She had a lot of trauma and she needed that support. The fact that he was even willing to change something that was important to him just for her made her heart swell up, clearing her throat before she spoke.

“Don’t wanna hide...” Y/N frowned as she looked up at him, “know people aren’t going to like it... but they won’t like it either way.”

“Alright. If that helps you, baby. I didn’t know it hurt you so badly.” He murmured, stroking her hair. He was curious to see how people would react but he cared more about Y/N than he did about anyone else. She was wiggling her way deep into his heart and under his skin. “You’re right. I’ve been holding off for a long while. I think it’s because I’ve been worried how people will perceive the promotion and think I’m climbing the ladder hut... you told me that the promotion was already mine to begin with.” He had trust in her and didn’t think she was making it up. “I’ll let you show me off then.” Harry figured, fuck it all. “But I wanted to let you know that, I don’t plan on ever leaving or getting bored. Okay? Trust me. It’s alright. I wouldn’t be with you if I didn’t want to.” Y/N didn’t know just how much Harry genuinely liked her. “I wanted to for a long time. Even before I gave in, obviously. But I’m happy that now, we can keep it going.” He wanted her to continue loving on him. Maybe now he wouldn’t have to close the office door if she came in.

“Next time please tell me if you feel that way. Don’t sit on it and make yourself feel awful all day.” He muttered. “I don’t like that.” It was nice to have him just calmly talk to her about things and understand where she was coming from. These days, she never thought she would find someone that ticked all of her boxes the way he did. He didn’t care that she was a lot of work, he wanted to work on things with her. He was willing to try for her.

“You... he hired you already knowing you’d be the one to take over, he just... he wanted to make sure I liked you.” Y/N explained with a sniffle, “cause I’m gonna have to be involved.” She didn’t want to drop it on him that her father wanted them to get married but he was a smart man, he would figure that out on his own. She was happy that he wanted her to show him off, glad that she wouldn’t have to close the door or wait for kisses or hugs. Wouldn’t have to explain why she was defending him so hard whenever someone chatted shit about him. “I’m sorry, I’m just used to doing stuff this way. No one ever wanted to listen, I just had to get over it on my own... I appreciate you more than you even know..”

“I’m sorry that you had to deal with dickheads who wouldn’t listen to you. That’s what’s truly fucked up. I don’t understand why they’d have a woman like you and still manage to be a dick.” He huffed, rolling his eyes. Y/N deserves better. He was better. So they both won. “There’s gonna be none of that shit with me, babe. Alright? If you’re upset, you tell me. Angry? Tell me. We can progress if we don’t talk about what bothers us and what doesn’t.” He murmured, rubbing her cheek before he kissed the wet spots where her tears were. He wanted to take them all away. “We’ve got this. I think the both of us are going to be fine. It’ll be a bit of an adjustment for you, but I think one of my most important things is to be truthful.” He didn’t like the idea of anything but. Lying wasn’t something he would tolerate.

Y/N closed her eyes as he leaned forward to kiss her cheeks, humming a little in his hold. She cared about him so damn much and he treated her so well. Y/N wasn’t sure what she did to be so lucky but she was going to try her hardest to keep him for as long as she could. Forever. They would make it, they would keep the communication open and be truthful. They would talk it out and work on things. Y/N was positive that she wouldn’t be able to find anyone better than him, not that she wanted to find anyone else. She swore she...

“I love you..” She mumbled softly, opening her eyes again to look up at him. Y/N was nervous, but she meant it. She meant to tell him that and wouldn’t take it back. Even if he didn’t feel the same right now, she definitely was falling for him at a hard and fast pace.

Harry froze for a moment, tilting his head as he looked at her. It was a surprise, for sure. But he trained his face, thumbing over her cheek one as he took her in.

“Yeah?” He smiled, obviously not a bit upset at the confession. He had to think over his feelings a bit later. Because he was nervous if he admitted it so soon, and he didn’t mean it. He felt like he was getting there. Falling for sure. But not at the point he could say it. He leaned forward and kissed her, soft and sweet as appreciation. “M’fallin.” He could return the words back but she wasn’t alone in the feelings. He felt a lot for her and wanted to make sure she knew that it was getting there and there was nothing to be embarrassed of.

“Yeah.” She smiled back, biting her lip for a moment before he leaned in and kissed her. It was a nice feeling, warm and comforting. Y/N knew what she was feeling, but wasn’t exactly ready to say it back. That was fine, she just needed to get it off her chest because she really did love him. She’d never cared for someone like she cared for him and Oliver. She felt like they were her own little family, little paradise where anything could happen. Hearing him say he was falling just made everything feel better. Whenever he was ready, he could tell her felt the same. For now, they’d just continue on with their night.

“I feel better now...” Y/N mumbled as she pulled away from the kiss gently, “thank you, angel...�� She hummed and returned her lips to his, finding a comfortable position for the two of them to just lay there and love up on each other.

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[part 5]

A/N: please let us know if you’d like to see more from them! - n + d

masterlist

#writing #harry styles one shot #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles #harry writing #jarofstyles #harry styles series

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iridescentides · 3 years

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i watched the ep twice bc i didnt take notes the first time BUT. hsmtmts 2.04 thoughts under the cut

gina first. my favorite part of the episode was when she admitted that she feels out of place living in someone else’s house and that she wanted a bigger part in the play. i was SO worried they were gonna just let her happily sideline herself in a “yay she learned her lesson about not being the center of attention” kind of way bc i would not be able to handle that two seasons in a row. let her be angry!!! she has a lot to be upset about

the gina/carlos conflict was awful bc theyre making carlos unreasonably annoying this season. last season he was nice, he was enthusiastic, not competitive and just rooting for other people. idk why they needed to flip him so drastically to being spoiled, rich, selfish, pushy, and bitchy. and on top of that i have not been vibing with the pieces of dialogue theyve been giving him this season just to score woke points. its so unbearably obvious that even though hes a brown gay character, he was written by a white gay person who thought, on some level, that he was giving the gen z kids the #hashtag representation they wanted. his delivery of every line that screams “remember, im mexican” is so awkward, it doesnt land well, and im begging them to stop. they want so badly to commodify his character and parade him around as a “look how diverse our show is!” thing and im so so sick of it bc you can tell, with all the surface-level pieces of dialogue, that they dont actually care at all

(”look around, theres not a lot of me at this school” we GET it, this show wants to be glee so bad)

im honestly starting to slowly ship rina less and less. in season one i loved seeing someone make gina happy, especially since she had no friends before opening up to ricky. but now its just a whole mess and i wish she would love herself a lil more to realize that its not worth all this stress. he made a choice and no amount of conflicted moments of eye contact is going to fully take that back. im not necessarily against love triangle plots, but i HATE the whole “women wait around hopefully while male character, whose decisions have already hurt multiple people, makes up his mind” bullshit

that being said, gina handled the situation like a CHAMP, im dying over how quickly she was able to mask her pain and make the joke about the twix bar. im love her

we were absolutely ROBBED of an ej/big red performance this episode!!! i am at my LIMIT we better get gaston next week or i will riot

on the ej train, him not getting into duke was extremely predictable. we all kinda saw that coming and knew that would be his main point of growth this season. im glad they didnt wait super long to do it. now please @ writers i am BEGGING you to give my man more screen time than one scene per episode

its very odd that they keep making mr mazzara have emotionally tough conversations with the students. i will do a parallel gifset of those once the season ends. i liked his convo with ej for the most part, but he really didnt have to beat him over the head with the “youre an emotionless robot” thing again. its clear ej is gonna throw himself into av club or whatever (even though at the end of last season that was supposed to be big red?) and discover that he has a lot going for him. because he does, he literally has everything going for him, thats why they had to make his “problem” not knowing himself. bisexual ej caswell ftw

i love the parallels between ej and nini this episode? i think since the beginning ive felt that there was a lot about them under the surface that was similar. it was interesting seeing ej tell nini about duke first, instead of the obvious choice of ashlyn. i wouldve loved to see how that scene wouldve gone with ricky, gina, carlos, or big red though bc each reaction and attempt at comforting him wouldve been so different. i didnt love that nini had to be pulled away from the conversation, but im glad they can still talk to each other after everything that went down. and i love the juxtaposition of ej’s convo with mazzara directly following nini’s convo with miss jenn bc theyre essentially the same.

speaking of, i loved miss jenn in this episode. her stories are always so funny, but i loved seeing her care so much for nini and guide her, like a teacher. i loved how she pointed out that everyone who loves nini just wants her to be happy

im glad nini is leaving yac bc there was no good way to keep that up honestly. but im pretty annoyed that they were so obvious about it? like, they immediately made it the worst place in the world without exploring it very much. the place is super unrealistic, ive never been to drama school but im sure it wouldnt be like that. no creative arts place for KIDS would be so impossibly limiting. plus the weird bluish coloring in comparison to the nice warm tones of the rest of the show was, again, a dead giveaway. why send her to the school at all if it wasnt even gonna matter?

even though im glad nini left yac, im NOT looking forward to the way miss jenn is about to bend over backwards to put her in the play somehow. she plays obvious favorites and im so annoyed

(sidenote: nini just? decided to leave yac without consulting her parents??? ummm)

granted is a very good song, one of my faves so far

ricky deciding to tell nini he wants her to stay was stupid. what did he think that would accomplish? who in their right mind would drop out of a good school for you?

i loved when nini said yac was missing something, and miss jenn said “ricky” and nini said “you.” that was so so sweet and cute

i think the kourtney/howie thing is gonna grow on me. i hate amatonormativity so im not a big fan of them introducing a whole ass character exclusively so kourtney can have a love interest, but i loved the gesture he made of bringing her the pizzas and her flashcards. i feel like kourtneys love language is acts of service, and she was literally this meme when he did that for her:

i liked seeing ashlyn try to be there emotionally for gina! i want more of them together

overall this episode was okay. not enough songs, and i wish they were spreading out the emotional conversations through the season instead of packing them all into literally one episode, but what we did get was pretty good.

after watching the preview i see that next weeks episode is gonna be about carlos’s party, and i love party episodes. BUT i hope that after that ep we finally get an advancement on the north high stuff! i dont give too many fucks about lily, but i wanna see my son asher angel

#me @ myself every time i write one of these: we GET it youre a gina and ej stan #hsmtmts lb #hsmtmts spoilers #txt #waffle words of wisdom

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deathonyourtongue · 4 years

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Winter Passing | Chapter 6

Summary: After car accident leaves him at the base of a mountain with no sign of civilization for miles, a breakup is the least of Henry’s problems. Just as death’s icy fingers begin to coil around him, salvation presents itself in the form of an old cabin in a clearing. Despite years of being told fairy tales and ghost stories that warn against such things, he uses his last of his strength to reach the cottage. When he wakes, he finds not a demon, but an angel, long removed from the insanity of the modern world. Pairing: AU!Henry Cavill x OFC Word Count: 2K Warnings: Smutty goodness, but not like you think. A/N : Bet you can’t guess the song being sung in this chapter!

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Tiago had never been the most graceful of birds. A parrot by technicality of his species alone, the fact that he could fly at all was something of an affront to nature. With cartoonish eyes that got comically wide whenever he was indignant (which was often), and a plump, squat body that was too heavy to be aerodynamic in any way, he defied all odds as he tumbled through the wind currents, simply happy to be away from his home and made truly useful yet again.

“But have you heard the story of the rabbit in the moon? Or the cow that hopped the planets while straddling a spoon or she, who leapt up mountains, while whistling up a tune and swapped her songs with swallows while riding on a broom?” He sang to himself as he played in the trade winds, looping and curling and sometimes falling a little too close to the water for his own liking.

When he reached Cuba, Tiago allowed himself to be ping-ponged violently from the Trades into the Westerlies, shivering as the colder currents tossed him up the Atlantic coast towards the woman who lived in the clearing at the bottom of the mountain.

“‘Take the message to the woman with the sad eyes,’ they said. ‘It’ll be fun,’ they said.” He mocked his keepers in his usual aristocratic squawk. As he spoke, Tiago’s head plunged into the frigid water that hemmed New Jersey, a screech replacing his dignified words as he shook the quickly-forming icicles off his neon green feathers.

“THEY NEVER SAID I WAS FLYING INTO THE WITCH’S TIT ON THE SHADY SIDE OF THE ICEBERG!” He hollered, flapping his short wings frantically to try and get over the worst of the air stream, hoping that hot air truly did rise and that he could gain some of that warm balmy feeling once more before having to plummet back down to earth.

Though it was only mildly warmer above the current, Tiago found himself worn out from his exertions, only managing to float above the cold air for half of New York before plunging back down and riding the frozen spiral of wind towards his destination.

“‘Where the earth meets the water, that’s where you shall find her. Where once was blood now only tears. Behind the White Mountain, reside your peers.’” Tiago recited, his keen yellow eyes quickly finding the spot, wings tucking in close to his body as he went into a free fall towards the small cottage.

The sound of his body cutting clumsily through the air caught Dyster’s attention, and despite enjoying a leisurely snack of leftover rabbit innards, his sleek black wings lifted him up like a bullet piercing the air. The two birds collided mid-flight, squawks and screeches like sirens in the otherwise-silent clearing.

“UNHAND ME, YOU SAVAGE! I COME ON THE ORDER OF THEOFINA!”

“Theo-who? Get off my land, you overgrown avocado!”

“Avo-Avocado! How dare you! Where is your mis--LET GO!--mistress?!?”

Spinning mid-air in a ball of green and black feathers, the two birds made such a ruckus that it woke Gunnar out of a dead sleep. Looking out the back door, he began to bark, knowing Olivia would want to see what was happening.

The racket woke both Olivia and Henry, and while the latter quickly rolled over and went back to sleep, Olivia knew Gunnar’s warning bark when she heard it. Putting on a sheer robe, she flew down the stairs, sliding to a stop next to the husky and following his gaze out to the stone circle.

“What in the…” she mused, Olivia slipping into her boots and stepping outside without a thought for the cold.

“Dyster! What are you doing? Let go of it!”

Hearing his mistress’ voice, Dyster unceremoniously dropped Tiago right into Gunnar’s open mouth, the husky holding the parrot gently in his maw.

“Oh, the torment! This is how I perish, at the hands of brutes! Mercy, mistress, I beg of you!” Tiago lamented dramatically, Gunnar rolling his eyes and giving Tiago a test squeeze before letting him fall to the snow with a wet plop. Olivia bent down and quickly picked up the parrot, brushing the snow off him and checking to make sure neither raven nor husky did any permanent damage.

“Thank you, fair maiden. I come on command of Theofina of the Order Athanato Fengari-” “Order of the Immortal Moon, I know. What does she want?” Olivia rolled her eyes at Tiago’s pageantry, already knowing her answer to whatever command Theofina had for her.

“My mistress requests your presence at the Order’s Imbolc festivities. Says she has important business to discuss with you regarding the past and your future.”

Olivia took in the words, remembering what the tea leaves had shown earlier; Good direction, a warning, travel, and the masculine. It was more than coincidence that an invitation to Rome should come not even a full day after the leaves had signaled travel. Already, they’d been right about the masculine and with a quick look over her shoulder at Henry’s window, Olivia was more and more certain that the leaves were, yet again, correct in their prophecy.

Tiago eyed Olivia warily as he waited for her answer, keen to get back to warmer skies and even warmer land.

“Don’t rush her, you useless sack of cabbage. She’ll answer when she’s good and ready.” Dyster cut in before the parrot could speak, landing gracefully on Olivia’s arm before pecking at Tiago as though testing his doneness.

“Dyster, be good. He’s an emissary, not dinner.”

“Shame. He’d make for good barbecue,” Gunnar replied before Dyster could, licking his chops as he growled quietly at Tiago, both he and Dyster ready to end the intruder should he step out of line.

“No one’s getting eaten!” Olivia said, her voice a little louder than she intended. With an exasperated sigh, she looked down at Tiago. “Tell your mistress she’ll have an answer after the new year.”

“But, she’ll make me-”

“New Year, Tiago. No discussion.” She cut him off, reading his name on the tag around his neck, one Tiago clearly forgot he had on by the look of shock on his face.

“So it’s true! Once again my mistress proves her superiority in all things, including secret knowledge. I shall fly home at once and pass along your remarks! Good day, my lady of sadness.”

The trio watched as Tiago took flight, their heads all crooked to the right as they each tried to figure out how such a hefty creature could defy gravity.

“It’s a spell, right?” Gunnar asked, eyes unmoving as they watched Tiago fumble his way higher and higher.

“Gotta be.” Dystra answered, fighting the urge to fly up after Tiago for just a little more fun.

“Who knows. Pompous little creature...” Olivia shook her head, turning to go back inside once Tiago was out of sight.

“Offensive too. Should’ve let me eat him....” Gunnar added, following her in as Dyster flew back to his perch.

Not looking up until she was well inside the house, Olivia shrieked, shut her eyes, and covered herself as much as she could when she came face-to-face with an equally nude Henry.

“WHY ARE YOU NAKED?!?” She cried out, trying to find her way around her guest, but managing only to hit her hip on the kitchen counter, the collision strong enough to shoot pain right down her leg like a flash.

“I WAS GONNA TAKE A BATH! I THOUGHT YOU WERE OUT DOING STUFF ALREADY! WHY ARE YOU NAKED?!?”

“IT’S MY HOUSE AND I SLEEP HOW I WANT, HENRY!!” She yelled, the pain amplifying her frustration with a morning that had already gone sideways.

Cracking open one eye, Olivia placed her free hand at the right level to cover Henry’s crown jewels, her eyebrows knitting together in annoyance.

“I’m going upstairs. Don’t look.” She muttered, her frown growing deeper as her words earned her a chuckle from Henry, his tone deep and warm.

“Too late for that, love.” He answered, the smile in his voice matching his humor.

To her chagrin, Henry’s laugh, coupled with his words, made her feel things she’d not felt in some time, and it only made getting upstairs all the more imperative. Scurrying past, she did her best to keep her eyes on something other than his nude form, but as she began to climb, it was impossible to miss the view of his pert backside. Olivia knew what she had to do, but doing it with full knowledge of what Henry would be doing downstairs--and of how quiet everything would be in the house as a whole--made the prospect seem nearly impossible.

Still, Olivia was certain there’d be no other way to turn the morning around, and so once in the solace of her room, with no animals or naked houseguests around, she let her robe slip off her body and climbed into bed. Slipping open the top drawer of her night stand, she pulled out what she needed, and doing her best to relax, tried to let the confusion of the morning slip away in favor of letting her imagination run wild.

Downstairs, Henry had managed to fill the tub, testing the water to make sure he wouldn’t scald himself. The last thing he needed was to be even more invalid than he already was. Lowering himself into the water, he closed his eyes as the warmth enveloped him, his own mind working overtime not only because of his morning encounter with Olivia, but because of the dream he simply couldn’t shake. Weirdly erotic, the dream came back in bits and pieces; Olivia standing nude outside, Gunnar at her feet, the dog protecting her from something Henry couldn’t quite see. More than anything, he remembered that he too was nude and holding himself in his hand for some reason. The more he thought about it, the more his body took over. Before he knew it, Henry was stroking himself slowly under the water, his cock already half-hard given the time of day and the addition of the dream.

His body relaxing, Henry was just starting to get into a rhythm, when the soft sounds of Olivia moaning cut through the silence. Smiling to himself, he closed his eyes and focused on the melodic expression of pleasure, letting his imagination play out a fantasy that had been brewing since she’d first gotten him into the tub and handed him the too-small towel.

It was easy to picture making love to Olivia in the tub, water flooding the floor as he gave her as much pleasure as she could handle, his own intensified by the movement of her body against his. His hand tightened around his length as he stroked, imagining Olivia’s petite frame moving with fluidity and grace, her breasts a perfect fit for his hands as she took him in hard and deep, gasping as he filled and stretched her.

In her bed, Olivia’s own fantasy played out somewhat differently. As she slipped the ornate glass dildo in and out of her soaked entrance, she pictured Henry flattening her to the mattress, his front pressing into her back as he rutted into her like a stallion mounting a mare in estrus. Legs splaying wide of their own accord, Olivia could almost feel the press of his warm lips to her face and neck, the pressure building inside her with each stroke of Henry’s proxy. In her mind, he was as wonderful in bed as he was a houseguest; tender yet lively, and knowing exactly how to make her smile even as he made her scream.

Panting, Olivia pushed the toy in and out at a faster clip, her juices darkening the sheets beneath her as the thought of Henry taking her worked her into a frenzied state of arousal the likes of which no other man--real or imagined--had ever managed before.

Whimpering keenly as she felt the heat bloom inside her, Olivia knew one orgasm simply wouldn’t cut it. Her thighs trembled as she thought about the press of his weight on top of her, the heat of his body setting her own alight. Most of all, she thought about willingly suffering in order to have his full length inside her, remembering clearly how big he was, even soft. Aroused by the notion that she’d have to work through discomfort to get all of him in, she found herself gasping and rolling onto her hands and knees, the dildo plunging in and out of her at even greater speeds as her wetness slipped lewdly down her inner thighs.

Henry did his best to keep the water from splashing as he matched his strokes to Olivia’s moans and whimpers, his mind turning to what she might be doing to herself upstairs. Having caught an eye-full when she’d come inside, Henry had no problems picturing her bare, pink pussy as she pleasured herself. His cock jerked in his hand as he thought about her hips squirming and jolting up as she toyed with her clit or slipped her fingers inside herself. Nipples hard and chest heaving, she looked radiant in his mind, a goddess worthy of worship, one who he’d gladly drown between the thighs of. Biting the inside of his cheek, Henry managed to stay silent as he came, his hand never stopping its motion as he shot his load all over his own chest, every muscle pulled taut.

He couldn’t help his breathless smirk as he heard Olivia reach her own pinnacle, shivering in delight as her sounds made it clear she was going for more.

#henry cavill #henry cavill x ofc #henry cavill fic #fic #deathonyourtongue #winter passing

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aros001 · 3 years

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Read through light novel vol. 15. Random thoughts.

Well, I just found one of my favorite volumes of this series. For all the right and wrong reasons.

There is a certain trope or term I've heard of for comedy. Where a joke or skit can be really funny but can also go a little too far with the performance to where it can be a little annoying. But there are also plenty of times where the joke/skit takes it even FURTHER than that and it circles back around to being funny again. Naofumi with Raph-chan is a little like that. His love for the little furball was cute and funny at first, then it became a little odd and maybe a little cringey, and now it's gone to such an extreme that it's circled back to funny again, with the Shield hero now commanding a legion of Raph-chans. Also, Naofumi and Ruft bonding over Raph-chan is genuinely really sweet. Between that, how much he clings to Naofumi (or Raph-chan) when he's scared, and just the liking he's taken to the kid, I think Naofumi has definitely found his son figure. Honestly their relationship feels a little more parent and child than even Naofumi and child Raphtalia's was and it took me a bit before I figured out why that was, at least for me.

Naofumi was very parental to Raphtalia and does still somewhat think of her as his daughter. However, when they first met it was also a situation where Raphtalia had to grow up very quickly, and not just physically through leveling. She was bought as a slave and didn't want to go back to the trader. She wanted to fight back against the things that took her family and village from her. She wanted to be Naofumi's sword. She was the sole reason he could gain any significant experience and level up into the Shield Hero he needed to be. The romantic feelings she gained for him were almost certainly a factor but overall, for her sake and his, staying a child, staying as someone's daughter, was not an option. What Naofumi needed wasn't a daughter but a partner. Someone he could lean on and trust.

With Ruft, there is no need for him to grow up quite yet. Yes, Naofumi took him to the village so he could get some experience with the real world and he does plan on toughening him up, but Naofumi is not dependent on Ruft like he was Raphtalia. There's no pressure for Ruft to grow up because Naofumi and everyone else will be fine regardless, so he has more freedom to be a kid. And unlike Filo and the village kids, he doesn't have the added complication of also being Naofumi's slave. Naofumi can treat him and care for him like a kid.

Side note, but is it weird that, even though I know he's related to Raphtalia, before I finally was given an image of him I kept on imagining Ruft looking like Gohan from the very beginning of Dragon Ball Z? Chinese Emperor clothes and all. It feels a little unintentionally racist of me given that Q'ten Lo is meant to resemble isolationist period Japan.

“The Bow Hero mentioned that he has a skill which allows him to scout out the surrounding area from a higher vantage point,” Raphtalia recalled. Itsuki said that? I mean, he was the Bow Hero. It wouldn’t be strange for him to have a skill that allowed him to search for distant targets. That sounded like quite a convenient skill too.

I'm glad about this little detail. I was just saying in the last volume that it felt like the other three heroes didn't seem to have any abilities that weren't directly attack-based. And then later with the hero conference we get even more added to their arsenals beyond just "attack, big attack, and bigger attack" like they'd been showing up until now. Before it felt like the other three could be a bit interchangeable in battle with Naofumi, as it's three attackers and one defender, with range being the only difference. But now, between the four of them, it's a good mix of attack, defense, support, healing, and debuffs. The Four Holy Heroes actually work as a party together.

“R-Raphtalia. Brother. I just want to go and see Master Naofumi! Move aside,” Atla stated.

“No,” Raphtalia replied.

“Never,” replied her brother.

“Raph!” barked a horde of Raphs.

I can hear the freaking echo! I'm dying!

“To be more accurate, they are filolials who act like mountain bandits, attacking wagons carrying off goods and stuff like that,” Melty continued.

...

“Hold on a moment. What the hell is going on then? And—” I finished my thought in my head. If this was the issue that Fitoria wanted help with, then . . . “You’re telling me filolials fight over wagons?”

“Yes. That’s what I’ve been told,” Melty confirmed. Uwah! So she wanted me to resolve some kind of turf war? If these were wild filolials, they weren’t going to go down without a fight.

“The loser has to give their wagon to the winner,” Melty explained. “Also, if it’s the season of love, they can only find love by defeating their opponent.” What were they, hermit crabs?

This is going exactly where I think it's going, isn't it?

[Two chapters later]

“It’s been a while, father-in-law. It’s me, I say, Motoyasu the street racer!”

F******************************************K!

I get Motoyasu is under the effect of his curse series but...it's just so hard to like this guy. It was even before Witch betrayed him and his curse activated. Especially when he uses his Temptation ability to "show Filo his love", basically trying to force her into loving him. Thank goodness it didn't work and that Raph-chan can clear away the effects it did have. Naofumi could stand to be more considerate of Raphtalia when it comes to the Raphs but Motoyasu has been straight up harassing Filo. He tried to keep her trapped in her "angel" form when rescuing her from Naofumi's "brainwashing" and probably was going to keep her that way forever if Witch didn't have her "accidentally" killed along with Melty when removing the brainwashing. I'm pretty sure she was the main person he wanted to peep on in the baths at Cal Mira. He stole her favorite wagon and transformed it into...that. And then there's the shape of...

No...

No!

I'd heard a rumor but...

NO!

I thought it was a web novel thing!

WHY DOES MOTOYASU HAVE A DILDO SPEAR?!?!

Or...god, what if it's not a dildo?!

“I’m taking your daughter. Using my Lust Envy Spear IV,” Motoyasu exclaimed. God. This was all depressing me intently.

“Filo-tan! I will stop you and take your purity!” Motoyasu thrust his spear at Filo.

“Boo!” She wasn’t interested. Then I noticed what he was pointing at. Below the waist, shall we say.

....................Kill him. Kill him. F**king kill him. I don't care about the consequences to the world. Kill him. Kill him now. Have Aura and Mare come over from Overlord and Iris come over from Konosuba. They'll all team up with Filo so that the lolis he loves so much can snap his f**king neck.

I get he's under the effects of a curse (two curses even; lust and envy) but he's almost everything he and Witch accused Naofumi of being. He's brainwashing people and an attempted rapist. All he's missing is abusing his slaves and kidnapping Melty.

...F**k. Okay, back to reality.

So Quirks exist in Itsuki's universe? Last volume I made a comparison between Motoyasu #2 and Bakugo from My Hero Academia because they fit similar tropes for me, but in terms of actual backstory and character, Itsuki is definitely the better comparison. Thought he was special in elementary school because of his powers but got slapped with a bit of reality upon entering the special school for powers. For both of them, this fed into an inferiority complex. It does also add more to Itsuki's hero complex. Bakugo's Quirk and natural talents had him overpraised from youth, leading him to fear the failure of living up to expectations of him. For Itsuki, it goes a little the other way, where his expectations for himself were high, got shattered because the powers above his level were much greater and thus nothing was expected to become of him in comparison, and so he fell into console games where he could be important and the main character for once.

None of this forgives how he treated Rishia but I'd still rather have this understanding and explanation of his character than not. He and Trash have a slightly similar problem for me, and it's not the story's fault. Itsuki's curse has left him pretty fried and emotionless, though it's slowly coming back to him. He hasn't really had a chance to redeem himself. He's working to better himself, yes, but he's also in a state where he'll do everything he's told. He had a nice, split-second apology to Rishia he managed to get out but that's about it. Similarly with Trash, he and Itsuki have sympathetic backstories but he is so lost in his hatred the Shield Hero, Siltvelt, and a few other things that he has not taken responsibility or shown remorse for any of the things that had happened because of him, including his youngest daughter nearly being killed multiple times. Before he was half-crazy and now after meeting Alta and Fohl he just seems withered away and beaten. Trash and Itsuki's situations are sympathetic but they've yet to do anything that puts me on their side beyond basic human empathy and pity.

Compare that to Ren, whom I'm glad I quite like now. He never did anything as bad as Trash or Itsuki, nor does he have as tragic a backstory as either (that's been told to us yet anyway), but he still felt remorse for the bad things he did do and has actively worked to try and make up for them or make certain they don't happen again, because he knows he screwed up. I'm not just supposed to pity him. Like with Naofumi, I'm supposed to see him rise and he does, at several points in this volume being very helpful to very heroic. And I like how he and Naofumi contrast with each other without completely butting heads like stubborn bulls, like over the bandits for justice. They're both heroes but Ren is working hard to be a real hero to make up for the lack of one he was before, while Naofumi outright sees himself as a bad person, that all his good deeds are for selfish motivations and that he's not deserving of being hailed as a hero to begin with.

Well, I think that was all I was going to talk about. Yes sir.

...

.......

.................

.....................

..............................Alta on the cover. Alta on the inner art and quote page. Most of this book being about Fohl's fear over Alta's safety. There were so many red flags you'd think the Phoenix's explosion broke the fourth wall and set fire to the pages themselves.

Yeah, this death was better than Ost's. Ost's death still worked despite her short time with Naofumi's party because there was still emotion during that time and she still is often referenced, remembered, and mourned for even in volumes well after her death, so it feels less cheap and manipulative and more like it actually meant something. With Alta though, it's not just better just because we knew her longer (though that's certainly a factor) but because of the effect on the main characters, especially Naofumi. The raw pain, the denial, the begging, the self-blame, the sheer seething anger, the emptiness. Even the way it's written when she first jumps in the way and after the attack finally ends, it feels like the aftermath of a grenade. Everything is blurred and shaky, everything is silenced except for the ringing in his ears and its not entirely clear what's going on, only that something bad just happened. Naofumi runs through every emotion you'd want from someone like him and it has an even more personal meaning than that. Alta sacrificing herself for him gave Naofumi a bit of a hard slap in the face as to what everyone he cares about would feel if he sacrificed himself for them, which he's tried doing a few time already. It was a very good send-off for Alta.

This was also both the best and worst time for Naofumi to finally be told outright that Raphtalia loves him. Looking forward to either loving or being very frustrated with where this goes. Though regardless, that final art of them just hugging and crying it out is going to hold a special place in my heart.

Trash was apparently the Seven Star Staff Hero. I’d never seen him holding the staff and honestly wondered if the original king was dead and this was just a doppelganger.

Just where was he hiding the Seven Star Staff?

After the dildo spear, please don't ask me to imagine where Trash hides his staff.

Original Reddit post: https://www.reddit.com/r/shieldbro/comments/fndipx/read_through_light_novel_vol_15_random_thoughts/

#rising of the shield hero #random thoughts #reddit repost

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backandimbamon · 4 years

Text

part III

a/n: ive been sitting on this chapter for weeks. being a perfectionist...will do things to you. enjoy and please leave a reply!

Perhaps something happened on the other side between Damon and Bonnie.

Perhaps something happened between them that shattered the defenses, the bickering, the banter, the tension... maybe it was all too much to handle and one day they decided to resolve it in a new way that was less stressful and more natural.

What if they finally focused their vision on the situation and realized it was demented, downright unfair, to trap a handsome sex pot of a vampire and a stunning little witch with magically delicious blood together forever, the last two on earth, and swear them to a platonic relationship?

A kiss? Or sex? Caroline is full Sherlock Holmes, investigator style because there is no possible way that the dynamic between Bonnie and Damon remained the same after such a...dynamic...event occurred to both of them simultaneously. She has a hunch.

But a kiss? Sex? She knows she’s jumping the gun. As much as she can project, the denial between them both would prevent such forward actions. But-

It makes sense, she thinks, perfect sense. If they decided to break that forbidden rule, are they truly to blame? She’s sure she isn’t the only one who could physically see the sexual tension brewing between the vampire and the witch since their first formal introduction. Throughout the years, it’s only increased in intensity and anyone with decent deductive reasoning skills could predict that maybe, just maybe, there was a hiccup in those roles they played so dutifully. They “hated” each other. Sure.

Being the last two on a repeating day, desperation settling, solitude dancing, they’re under the radar... anything could happen. As if on queue, her mind begins to sift through the possibilities again. She always had a knack for probability.

A bite... now that is highly likely.

Caroline can imagine Bonnie being her normal selfless, sacrificial self, asking Damon if he’s okay- it seems like he’s tired or beat since he’s been slack on their banter, his comebacks lackluster and falling flat. He lies because lying is as effortless as breathing to Damon and he politely but solidly asks Bonnie not to worry about him, that he just misses home so his mood is sour.

He tries to maintain his normal devil-may-care, overly nonchalant, effortlessly sexy character with the huge ego but it’s not quite the same. He’s not as clever and though he’s close, he’s not close enough.

She observes this.

Bonnie picks at him, rapid question-asking all while being inquisitive and selfless and caring and healing, she tells him she knows him better than he knows himself. She says she can feel when he lies.

Damon probably experiences a foreign emotion at this point, wondering why his undead heart seems as though it’s hammering, beatboxing against his bones, threatening to reveal what he wants to hide so bad.

He’s hungry.

And he’s never felt a hunger quite like this. He’s emptied every single blood bag in the freezer, still there’s this nagging sensation that no matter how much blood he consumes, even if he decides to bathe in it, if it’s not what he really wants to devour, he will never be satisfied. It’s like eating fast food when craving gourmet, that craving never ceases, it’s just mitigated for a moment with a bottom-of-the-barrel substitute. The next time the hunger returns, it leaves its victim in gut-splitting agony so much so that it’s exhausting. The hunger is kicking his ass to force him to get what he’s denying himself. Damon is the victim. For once, he is the victim here.

Bonnie being intelligent and knowing Damon, she can guess what his struggles consist of. It takes her a week to consider it. He never says it explicitly, that he wants to bite her, but the shadow of veins under his eyes says enough. Damon Salvatore is a predator. It is unnatural for him not to hunt prey for an indefinite amount of time. She is all he has.

She thinks hard on this, questioning if her empathy has reached a new level of desperation. She asks herself what is her infatuation with being needed. She asks herself why she would rip herself apart to heal others. Why she feels this undying, naked, indelible need to do for others without doing for herself. She asks herself if the roles were reversed would Damon do the same?

For a week, she watches him get weaker with want, endures his shitty moods and back talk. Not once does he ask or even hint that he’s starving.

It makes Bonnie want to offer herself up on a platter even more, there’s something wrong with her.

So she does it, in the kitchen, cuts a sliver of red at the wrist “by accident” and Damon- he looks bad. He looks blue.

She turns to grab a napkin to dab at the blood but when she turns back around he’s gone. Upstairs, his door slams hard enough that she can hear the wood split.

“Damon!” She calls after him but he doesn’t reply and she doesn’t see him again until the next night because he refuses to step out of his room.

“Stop. We need to talk,” he’s fixing Italian trying to pretend like nothing ever happened twenty-six hours before; apron on, back turned, humming. He’s not okay.

“Then talk, Bon Bon.” he adds some herbs to the white wine sauce, grated cheese beside him, back still turned.

There’s something that’s frightening her about this and it could be herself. He hasn’t even asked yet she wants this for him so bad.

“Damon. I know you’re hungry.”

“Ding, ding. I’m making dinner right now, Bon.” His voice is rough like it’s warning her not to push this any further. The pots and pans clatter a little louder in his palms. Red tomatoes a stark contrast against the pale noodles.

“I cut myself on purpose last night.”

This grabs his attention. Swiftly, he drops everything, turns around and walks into Bonnie, forcing her to walk backwards until the cabinets halt her with a soft thud. His hands are at her shoulders with a dizzying shake as he says “Are you out of your fucking mind?”

Damon Salvatore, always so invasive, too animated, with a face that’s intimidatingly perfect.

It’s unsettling and downright unfair for him to possess such appeal; even angry and a threat to her life span, any woman would want him. Hell, Any man would want him. She wishes she could steal whatever that quality is. She wants that for herself.

It’s almost comical that after all these years of his presence, he can still startle her with his beauty. With his mouth shut, he’s so unassuming and pretty. In all seriousness, he looks like an angel. The slanted smirk and jaded attitude is the only hint that maybe this book doesn’t match the cover.

He gives her another shake as if the answer will tumble out of her, it makes her think of the time they hated each other. Way back when.

But now, this is too close for comfort. His eyes are an angry blue and she’s swimming laps, her words get caught in her throat before she can reply.

Weakly she says, “Just stop fighting it, okay? I’ve made up my mind and I trust you.”

“You trust me? You trust me, Bon? I don’t even trust me! What’s the matter with you?”

Honesty is not suitable. She can’t say that it’s lips anywhere on her body that she needs even if it’s at her wrist. That her withdrawal has her fingers exhausted and her body aching because she needs some sort of physical connection outside of herself. Bonnie wants Damon to drink her like wine so she can remember what it feels like to be desired and she can see it, the desire she needs, veiled and trapped behind the denial she knows too well. She wants to open that door to see if he needs her just as bad as she thinks he does. She wants to set it on fire.

“Damon, please.”

When she tilts her head and locks her green eyes with his, he sees the deprivation. Like she’s starving too. Like it pains her to not have his teeth in her neck. The look on her face reveals everything she cannot say. Damon shudders.

He doesn’t mean to trail his nose up the slope of her neck but he does and his stomach growls so violently that he’s surprised he doesn’t shake. There’s a new scent in the air and it’s Bonnie’s arousal.

He clenches his jaw with a painful force, half expecting it to shatter.

The words are no louder than a whisper when she says, “I’m your friend. Let me do this for you.”

People who are actually friends seldom use the word “friend.” But Damon and Bonnie ware the word out trying to convince one another that it’s all they are, nothing more. They haven’t said the word more than they have in this hell because it’s a reminder when sanity starts to slip. It’s a reminder when they start to wonder what would happen if they weren’t just “friends.”

Best friends.

Bonnie makes it hard for him. She makes everything hard for him and this hell where she’s the only one to exist makes the things he could easily ignore blatantly obvious. The feminine curve of her breast, the spread of her hips, the lovely enigmatic green of her eyes, he’s always thinking of Bonnie. Even asleep, she haunts his dreams with golden brown skin and a crooked smile. The ghost of her fragrance creates a tornado around him in this tiny cramped space called hell, it’s comforting and devastating.

Everytime he looks in the mirror he’s reminded of the fact that everything he wants he takes. Even if he doesn’t want it, he takes it. But with Bonnie, it doesn’t quite work out that way. There’s rules with Bonnie. His charisma is useless to her because that’s his best friend. She’s immune to him and maybe he’s not okay with that.

Poor Damon, he could weep now because Bonnie was never supposed to be the one to snap first. He was supposed to be the unhinged vampire with bountiful problems, the rebel and she was supposed to be the very stable, very perfect witch but she’s breaking. He’s her lesser and she’s the one who’s breaking. This has to be a cruel dream where if he hits himself hard enough, he’ll wake up.

His fangs slip out by accident, they feel the presence of Bonnie’s blood just humming with delicacy and complexity under her skin. She’s waiting to be tasted, she takes her hand and guides his mouth to her neck so his tooth pricks her skin. A bead of red shoots up but his tongue is quick to swipe that first drop almost sampling to make sure Bonnie is serious. She says something under her breath but the bloodlust has the rest of his senses useless. He doesn’t hear her.

Damon gnashes his teeth into her delicate skin, his expertise never allowing one ribbon of blood to trail away because he laps it up so greedily, so manically that he almost chokes. It feels like heaven busted and started showering its essence into his open mouth. He can’t take the time to breath or else he’ll rob himself of perfection for a few seconds too long. The life surges back into his body.

A montage of honey, patchouli, iron, lilac, roses, metal, bergamot, smoke, magic, fire, fear all on his tastebuds at once. In the distance, desire begins to bloom.

Then there’s a click and he starts to feel it.

Bonnie’s arousal is creeping up on him slowly like a distant claw of nails down his spine, the ghost of a sopping mouth around the head of his cock. He emits a wet groan then takes another tactless slurp and can practically feel Bonnie’s walls gripping against his shaft- it frightens him how bad he wants it. It scares him how he can feel the phantom of her nipples through his apron and t-shirt. He’s sweating when his pants start to bunch at the center. She’s breathing erratically, wraps her legs around his waist so she feels that lovely poke between her legs and it terrifies him.

Never has he untangled the web of feelings he associated with the complicatedly simple Bonnie Shealia Bennett. However, that web has been slowly unraveling since their first day here. Those feelings he never was honest with himself to admit are dousing him right now, of his own volition. He’s frightened out of his mind with the realization that he’s always wanted to take his best friend, little Judgey, Bon Bon, Elena’s BFF, and sex her into a stupor until the only word in her vocabulary is his name.

Damon Salvatore wants to fuck Bonnie Bennett so deeply that they must excavate his dick from her slot to retrieve it.

Oh God.

He can see himself, inside of her, inside of his best friend as she begs him to go faster and harder but he won’t listen. He never listens and it’s driving her up the fucking wall as her pleas to let her cum all over him fumbles his rhythm. Damon has never been more afraid of himself. Damon has never been more oblivious of a desire that waited for a moment like this since their first encounter. He feels baited.

Fear of this discovery, this dormant longing, brings him back to earth and violently disconnects him from the bloodlust, he removes his fangs too quickly, his head spinning with filthy thoughts of his best friend. The moan that tumbles past his lips is dire, it rips through his throat and says she has to fuck him or he will simply die.

Somewhere an invisible candle burns in the air labeled “Bonnie’s Lust.” It’s so strong Damon can taste it.

They look at each other differently. They are strangers. She’s painted in red, his mouth is a mess, the erection in his pants is hard enough to unearth his grave and bury himself alive. He offers his bleeding wrist up to her and tries not to cum when her mouth latches on.

When she’s done, he decides he won’t distract himself with the gorgeous sight of a panting Bonnie, looking as if she’s been thoroughly fornicated with her eyes all glossy like that.

Damon is dizzy, tipsy from blood, pleasure and a bombardment of epiphanies.

He turns around too sharply on his heel and passes out, just like that. A lifeless heap of beauty on the kitchen floor.

Bonnie’s definitely scared of whatever took over them as she crouches next to him and fans his face. Her mind is still far from her after such a disastrous high. Her heartbeat sounds like the pounding of an incessant guest.

Knock, knock.

In that moment, Deja-vu gives her a kiss. Bonnie’s mind floats back to Elena’s lapis prom dress with the silver clasps in the back and how she always thought Damon was perfect for Elena like that tailored dress. The way it hugged her and snapped in place. The way it clicked.

Bonnie remembers trying that dress on first and falling in love. She loved that feeling, how it felt like it was made for her and only her but Elena insisted. Not even Caroline knew. She gave the dress up for her, anything for her best friend. It was just a pretentious mélange of fabric and thread. A lifeless heap of beauty on the fitting room floor.

When he awakens, they pretend as if nothing happened and Damon wonders if he dreamt that but the little wounds on her neck mock his question. Desire still sleeps between them, dependent on that next slip up to pounce. But it never gets the chance.

Damon relives that moment when he meets himself in the mirror and the hint of teeth marks is on his neck from Bonnie’s “tipsy” courage.

“Once bitten, twice shy,” he says to himself and ironically being a century-old vampire he never understood the saying. He lets the little phrase stagnate the air because he doesn’t want to concern himself with figuring out why Bonnie’s teeth marks aren’t disappearing with his rapid healing ability.

Anyways, it’s kind of cute.

He sends her a picture message with a text to follow:

Twice bitten, once dead.

#bamon #bamon fic #bamon fanfic #bamon fanfiction #damon salvatore #bonnie #damon #bonnie bennett #bonnie x damon #damon x bonnie #mine #bamily #bamon shippers club

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movienotesbyzawmer · 3 years

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April 12: Rocky III

(previous notes: Rocky II)

Because now that Rocky has done the unthinkable and become The Champ, we want to see him tackle the next challenge… win AGAIN.

I remember seeing this in the theater with my buddy. I don't know if I liked it. I'm pretty sure I found Mr. T to be as charismatic and as terrifying as they wanted. I'm pretty sure when I bought the ticket I hesitated and asked the cashier, "hey, wait, we get to see him do some variation on the triumphant steps jogging moment, right? Otherwise never mind I'll go see Poltergeist again". If I'm paying good money for boxing sequels, I want to be assured that the formula has not been altered.

Okay let's go.

Once again, this is Un Film De Sylvester Stallone.

Slight variation on the fanfare with the title, now there's a close-up of the Important Belt Buckle Of Punchsport.

Then we see the climax of the previous movie, maybe edited slightly for time. But not very noticeably different.

That segues immediately to a montage of Rocky doing many successful beatup games, scored by the enormous pop hit "Eye of the Tiger". I suspect this isn't the last we'll hear of this number.

The montage morphs into a different story, one starring Mr. T! He's watching Rocky win stuff and he is not pleased. He can also fist-game, it seems. But the montage makes it clear that it is our hero Rocky who is the star of commercial endorsements and marriage love.

I mock but this visionary filmmaker has indeed opened this movie with energetically cinematic choices.

0:8:40 - Arcade games! Paulie goes to an arcade and it is like the arcades I went to when this movie was out and I see games that I played! But Paulie doesn't like the Rocky pinball machine. It seems he is a sore brother-in-law.

Rocky is now very dashing. Paulie is drunk and whiny about how Rocky is such a big shot now, but he has a point about how prettied up he has become.

Later that night Rocky and Adrian are in their bed and it has a rich person headboard. The director, also visibly present in front of the camera, clearly instructed the production designer to create a bed that would reflect the elite level of financial flexibility that the protagonist has reached.

So apparently Rocky has gotten himself into the strange situation where he has to do a charity boxing match against a wrestler played by the increasingly famous Hulk Hogan. I had forgotten that Hulk Hogan is in this movie. Mr. T is watching this match and he looks intensely the same way he only ever does.

Whoa Hulk Hogan is way taller than Sylvester Stallone. Is that allowed? The rules have changed! And this whole thing is not boxing it is wrestling and it is that silliness instead of boxing. This is a long scene that is the same as a typical Wrestlemania thing, all manufactured drama made to seem like fighting and true menace, but at the end we see that they are just professional coworkers and we have all learned a valuable lesson haven't we.

At a statue-unveiling, Rocky announces that he is maybe retiring. MAYBE. But then Mr. T shows up talking smack, and ladies and gentlemen we have ourselves an end-of-Act-One.

As Act Two begins, we have a scene that was an A+ homework assignment for the screenwriting teacher of Rocky III's screenwriter, who you will recall is the craftsman Sylvester Stallone. Burgess Meredith is like "I quit! I won't help you with this fight! Mr. T is too hard to beat!" But then they talk it out to advance past that scripted complication. And now Rocky and Mr. T are training for their fight in their separate worlds.

Speaking of worlds, in the World Of Rocky, the famous theme that was introduced in the score of the first movie is actually known to the characters in this movie as Rocky music. They play it for him publicly to celebrate their pride in his violence accomplishments.

Apollo Creed appears to be retired, but he is a commentator at this Rocky/T fight.

0:40:00 - They're about to do the fight, but Mr. T is so The Way He Is that the wants to fight on the way TO the fight. That results in some tumult that makes BM have health problems. It was vague what happened, it seemed like BM was shoved aside by all the mad/scared/fighting people, so then he has a conversation with Rocky in a back room where he's like, don't stop the fight even though I am suddenly vaguely frail. He sort of clutches his chest like maybe there's a heart attack but just one of those everyday ones. I have those every time I click send on a work email. My friends should not be discouraged from championship fisticuffs when that happens.

This is the first Rocky movie to be made after Raging Bull came out, and I detect some influence in the boxing footage, like with close-ups of Mr. T.

Rocky loses that fight pretty quickly, and maybe the problem is that he didn't do a pre-victory steps jog. But the movie is telling us that BM is dying on a table in the back room and that's the real problem.

BM dies and SS has done some pretty ambitious cry-acting. Then the funeral is in one of those indoor above-ground file-cabinet-style cemeteries, which is not the normal cinematic choice so nice job there.

I can already tell that we're going to have another thirty minutes of a bummed-out Rocky to fill out Act Two before it starts to look like the setup for a fulfilling climax can begin. It's what I would have told him to write if he were my student at the third-rate community college where I'm a part-time screenwriting teacher in this scenario.

Apollo Creed has shown up to try to pep-talk Rocky, and he keeps saying "eye of the tiger" because of marketing departments. But also, he is a more mature person than in the first two movies. Even though it's a character shift, I do kind of buy it. It seems like another side of the character we knew slightly.

0:59:00 - Another scene beginning with dialogue that sounds like it was improvised by people who don't know what real life is like. "Come on you're going to be late to the airport!" "Maybe you should have packed another sweater" "no in California it's not too cold". AHA THEY ARE GOING ON A TRIP TO CALIFORNIA I AM ON TO YOU ROCKY III

When they go to Los Angeles and show us people on the street and the people have been told to look and act super different so that the audience will be like, wow California is different, then, well, we are at this part of Rocky III did you know.

Although there was my earlier expectation that we were going to have a prolonged funereal story arc, but what's happened is that Apollo is invested in training Rocky so they're showing us that side of Apollo, and that's interesting. But also it's the template of "Rocky is training and he doesn't look like he's going to get there, but then inspiration will hit and he will look like he is going to get there". S. Stallone, noted filmmaker, is using montages and flashbacks to show how recent bad news moments for Rocky are haunting him. It is working.

Adrian performs a pep talk monologue for Rocky. I don't understand her point. It's like a box of those refrigerator poetry magnets jumbled up together and spoken as movie script lines. I guess the gist is "don't give up" and he starts to think maybe he shouldn't give up. Then it's a new training montage, and it's got the classic "running far now" Rocky theme so we know it's going well. The twist on the classic cheering-atop-stairs cadence is it's Rocky and Apollo on the beach, and Rocky is a little faster than Apollo and that is great news for them both.

Now we're right before the final fight, and we heard Mr. T tell a reporter that he "pity the fool". I didn't hear the rest of what he said, I was just so happy to hear him say "pity the fool".

Oh but shortly after that he is asked what his prediction is, and he looks at the camera, OUR camera, at US, and says "PAIN". Submitted without comment.

That face-to-face moment right before the fight starts, Mr. T says "imma bust you UP" and Rocky says "go for it". Advanced Scripted Dialogue with Professor Stallone.

The final fight happens, and it's mostly the same as how the other ones went except without a montage summarizing a whole bunch of rounds. I think this whole fight ended in three rounds. But it ends with the exact same music that I'm getting sick of….

BUT! There is a follow-up scene this time! It's some other day later on and Apollo and Rocky are just palling around at the gym. And THEN the movie ends. I feel that the producers must have implored Stallone, artisan that he is, to just end the movie on that climactic moment right after the fight ends, just like the other movies, but he said NO. That is not ENOUGH for a SYLVESTER STALLONE FILM. We will have an additional scene with INCONSEQUENTIAL BANTER. It will last OVER ONE MINUTE. And here we are. Rocky III: it's like Raging Bull, but better!!

I think Talia Shire is the only female actor with any lines in this movie.

One thing that's very much worth saying about this movie is that there is WAY more actual boxing in this movie. The other ones had almost no scenes where there were live boxing matches, but this one had lots. Plus that wrestling one! And as I observed, the directing style with this one also had a newfound sense of visual pop. But the story seems like it changed not at all from how it was described in the first studio board room meeting where jackass producers blurted out what Rocky III might be like.

(next: Rocky IV)

#rocky 3

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floralkittygambler · 3 years

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Reposting for reasons

Response to Honest’s post here: Doing this to spread this awareness more as I know theres a bit of a rift in the critical community - plus I really fucking go on. Im PISSED and I do apologise however it NEEDS urgent addressing. I know people will hate me for it but Im used to hate and honestly? Hating rather than helping to solve the issue only furthers my fucking point here. So yeah this is so more people are aware (no offense to any of those involved in said rift either, but this is an important message. Thank you for understanding and if I can do anything to make all sides comfortable, then please message me and I’ll do my upmost.) “ More awareness of this is needed. Even if it’s your favourite, you can’t justify their shit but rally against another’s shit. Have people tell you you’re experiences arent real or invalid because, like Husk, people have - in real life - shipped you with someone you are far from comfortable with but you still treat them like a person. Because you have basic respect. And people force you to accept harassment, touching, stalking, advances for THEIR satisfaction. People use you for their fantasies. But you’re just a ‘tsundere’ for it. Or you have addiction issues but people think being with another addict will ‘save’ you because you’re apparently too incompetent to save yourself. Love isnt some magic fuckin cure so stop romanticising it as a fuckin saviour. It’s gross and fuckin creepy. Get stalked and have someone NEVER accept your no just because you show youre still decent enough to not treat them shitty or any different from anyone else. Try having someone way older or way younger (both in morally fucked up ways) advance on you and people encourage that. People you’re supposed to feel safe around.

People touch you when you pull away or show discomfort. Follow you home. Have pictures of you and wont accept you dont like them like that and it’s not ‘playing hard to get’ or ‘the thrill of the chase’. Fuck. OFF. In fact, Im not only disappointed in the fandom. Im disappointed in the entire team who some should know better from their OWN personal experiences - or at least the bare minimal of being a fucking adult. Im disappointed in especially females (sorry idk whether girl or woman is more appropriate here-) who statistically are more likely to have experienced something similar at some point in their lives think this is a cute gay moment. No. Angel is made out as a fucking predator - Im not saying he is, Im saying that his persistence is very fucking unwelcome like one. People like Husk dont need that fucking invasiveness. They/We need patience and someone on our level. Angel’s I know are the fuckin polar opposite - and some of them I know are very sexually harassing, including unwanted touching. It’s a shitty way to present gay people. Gays are fuckin people. Some are cunts and some arent. It’s a HUMAN thing. But considering the shit theyve been subjected to, presenting a gay as a victim only to also show them as a perpetrator is insulting! And for those Ive seen argue this about how people like AD wouldnt know how to express their love normally and whatnot? His pig. His best friend. He’s in his fucking 30s. There are literal real life criminals who get molested as kids and then go on to molest kids. Not all who grow up like that turn into nonces. Stop just fucking STOP justifying and romanticising this bullshit! I used to see the good in AD but now he makes me fucking sick. Especially with my verrrrrry fucking real traumas and connections. But fuck me, eh? Because this fictional guy matters so much more. Fuck real victims. And whilst we’re at it, fuck AD too when it suits your fetishes! Sarcasm aside, the fans and the team need to straighten up their abhorrent behaviour. Stolas. Fucking clearly having an affair, knowingly fucking up his daughter’s mental health and bribing a guy into sex who only wants the book and nothing more. He even has a fucking warning button over Stolas- Guys, how do you think any of this is cute? Even the team gross me out- I genuinely see potential and talent and it’s all gone to shit to satisfy horny teens, horny adults, and literally everyone who doesnt for the life of them understand being an adult is more than sex, drugs, violence and swears! I REALLY want to keep enjoying HB/HH but it’s getting harder and harder with such ignorant and bordering lazy creators (note: lazy as in wont do the fucking research or actually listen to real criticism and victims), such despicable fans (yeah, some HDers fuckin mocked that they triggered my ED, yet they had the fucking NERVE to support Angel’s potential ED AND laugh and blame me for me getting treated so badly for actually having the balls to call Angel and the teams hypocrisy. I got told to kill myself, that my problems arent real - oh but Angels apparently is! Which... They *are* but AD isnt real so technically only onlookers will suffer and not a drawing - and they just excused their toxic behaviours. These people are like “aww poor angie babey!” yet fuckin INSULT sex workers. All this red in Hazbin yet it feels everyone and they mama colour blind. The issues are getting worse and fans are outright becoming EVIL, VILE, Vindictive little bullies - from kids to adults. You SHOULD be ashamed of yourself if you conduct yourself in such a manner. And you need to readjust your attitudes and behaviours because the only fuckers getting hurt are actual fucking victims. Ever been violated and been gaslit so much you STILL fucking question it’s reality? So you drown that shit out yet somehow it’s effects still hit you? Fetishise it. Make it your uwu gae couple goals, you’re no better than people believing Harley and the Joker werent toxic af. If this shit happened to you, most of you would actually SEE where we’re all coming from. Also, stop making gay a fetish - you’re like those creepy old men in the alley heckling lesbians to make out so they can wank off. Gays, no ALL the LGBT+ are fucking people too. So dont give me that bullshit then start turning everything just gay or just straight to mentally wank off to. It’s degrading and dehumanising. And yes, fiction does effect reality. You crush on a fictional character? Mourn one? Support one? Hell, fuckin jerk off to one - that’s affecting reality. Remember how in fiction all blacks were treated as villians? Look how theyre treated IRL. JAWS, great classic unfortunately their was a spike in shark killings over a fucking movie - the shark in the movie wasnt even real for the most part because they dont behave like that! (Also the animatronic was so shit they genuinely had so many issues - I think they even took to naming each one! Some fun trivia there!). Tiger sharks are more nasty than great whites as tiger sharks will hunt and eat a human. Great whites prefer seals and dislike human flesh, they just mistake us for seals. Hell, theres the toothless basking shark - theyre often SWAM WITH by divers for being so friendly. Yet Jaws made people think all sharks are bloodlusting over humans. Slenderman was created for a fucking contest and that influenced a stabbing (NOT Victor’s fault). Watch a horror movie that isnt based on a real life event and tell me that at least ONE has left you peaking over your shoulder. Stella may be a bitch - we dont know for certain - but try getting cheated on. Y’know what? Try growing up in such a broken home like Octavia. Yeah reaaaaaal fucking cute now, huh? Funny how as well y’all petition for male victims to be taken seriously then laugh when fictional males experience this abuse, further adding to stigma. You can be hit on by the hottest mf on the planet but if you arent interested, that should be respected! Also we’ve all been inspired by at least one fictional character so yeah. Yknow, since I was little Ive been fighting for sex worker and homeless rights. But HH/HB treatment of both leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I’ll still fully support sex workers and the homeless, but that’s the fucking effect this show is having. Bearing in mind I wont ever share everything Ive been through - and I shouldnt fucking have to in order to be believed and validated (obvs proof is required in a legal case but that’s a whole other topic). Why should I share MY fucking pain especially when you fuckers have belittled and triggered it more so? We have our rights to our secrets but fuck ME you lot NEED to start acting appropriately and like decent fucking humans. ‘iTs HeLl’ yeah and welcome to Earth- the team and yourselves live HERE. You obide by THESE rules. And as someone with beliefs (and a LOT of ancient fucking texts and studies on this shit) their Hell isnt even a proper Hell! It’s closer to purgatory and even then it’s not. Regardless, it’s a poorly built world with the lore consistently changing per episode and tweet, with many plot holes, and is apparently easy to get into - even via accidentally watching porn according to a stream. If youre gonna parade youre a fucking expert and research into demonology and use real believed figures, at least get THAT right. In fact, Lucifer and Lilith (and Stolas tbf) are ESPECIALLY risky as theyre a lot more complex than most easy access texts will tell you. Likewise, Stolas’s first introduction and main focus is sex. He’s one of the FEW Goetia demons that dont have some involvement in relationship issues at ALL. He’s known for astrology, crystals and herbs but hes also known to aid MONEY troubles (it’s lesser known but it’s true! HB Stolas is an insult to the Prince). Turning Vodou into something evil is vile considering it’s powerful and liberated slaves. Pentagrams are nothing to do with Satan, they’re magic based sigils. Upside down cross is the symbol of a SAINT. It’s just some edgy attempt to trick people into believing they know more than they do. Also you should NEVER dabble and doodle sigils without knowing the meanings or respecting what they behold. Vox and Val, real fuckin cute way to make them look like a stupid fucking highschool drama instead of a fucking SEX TRAFFICKER (note: real pimps often target YOUNG folks too - aka minors - and groom them into sex work. Theres different types of pimp. Viv has shown barely any understanding of ‘the game’ and its a fucking insult to injury. Yes we KNOW what a fucking pimp and prozzie are! We dont need to see it. We need REAL AWARENESS.) and a fucking scheming bastard of a CEO salesman botman. And yet even THEN lets go a step further and make some yandere wuv on boyfweind aboose! Fuck off- Now I love a good anime but these tropes are getting fucking dangerous now. And unrealistic to real love and relationships. Kids nowadays know fuck all on a healthy relationship (neither did the fuckin 50s tbf) and Im seeing more romaticism and glorifying abusive situations. Like the show ‘You’. Ok, there’s a fuckin bloke online who slaughtered innocents and kidnapped yet people commented how cute he is on his IG and that they want to be kidnapped or killed by him next. Dont believe me? Look up Peter Manfredonia Connecticut and the comments people left him and then tell me why shit like whats being presented in HH/HB ISNT fucking concerning - because it is. For a series about redemption, it’s brilliant at the opposite (Quote from the creator herself, Viv has posted that it’s influencing her bad choices. Even as a joke, proof’s in the pudding). And the overall focus on sex in the way Viv does is so immature and really creepy, and this is from an ADULTS perspective. From one adult to another, Im concerned as to why any of them think this is a normal fixation. Then again they’ve hired quite a large amount of dodgy folks and even a child. Most of this shit gets avoided with a basic background check like most companies run. I DO like Hazbin. Or the premise. I love some of the cast and spite the others. In Helluva, I just like a tiny portion of the cast. And I critique it so harshly because Viv DOES need a wakeup slap, grounding to reality, people who arent going to big her up or kiss her arse for once and shape her up to be the best she can be. The actually reach and even surpass her potential. And to reach where you need to be, there’s a lot of harsh lessons youll face. That’s life. Shes chosen one of the most HEARTLESS industries and if she blocks out critique as ‘hate’ then she’s not strong enough and wont last. It’s just another unprepped YanDev again (except I dont believe Viv to be a nonce. Even with her dodgy past and dodgy present, I think her perspective on sex and relationship with sexuality is FAR from healthy BUT I dont believe she’s a pedophile. Ive bled my fair share and so far, I just think her sex perspective isnt healthy or mature for her age. But there’s little to nothing to suggest actual noncery - dont worry about accusations there. But YanDev is totally a dirty predator. Just clearing that up). Viv NEEDS some harshness and stability if she wants to do things right. And it’ll make her fucking cry but if she loves these projects as much as she claims to, then you’ll sacrifice blood, sweat and tears for that shit. Even the strongest points are mediocre at best when properly observed. She CAN do more, but she’ll have to face the harsh music. Viv wont see this, but if she does, I dont care if it upsets her. Why? Because this is that much of an issue - something she’s cultivated - that she needs to take action and not ignore it or be secretive about it. She needs to grow up and get tougher skin. Im not saying this to cause her pain. In fact, I wouldnt waste my fucking limited time if I DIDNT care. Trust me, I have duties to be met at a certain quota every single day. I say this shit only because I give a shit and care. If we met, she’d fucking hate me. But people like me are good for shaping people up to their potential. And we arent always this ‘tough love’ either. But when someone needs that level of harshness to help themselves, we’re not afraid to lose people or cause upset if the results end up being the best for them. If she ever saw this, she needs to re fucking evaluate her message, her story, and those she’s choosing to welcome into her circle. And all Im seeing is one rookie mistake after the other. Her paid patreon discord. Just like the messages Honest has posted on her side of being harassed (not in Vivs fyi), Ive experienced shit and bullying and even stay silent on their for being attacked for a group I fuckin paid to be in and yet I feel isolated. It’s all arsekissing and ‘thank you viv’ (thats an actual channel-) and it feels like a place of borderline worship and people trying to appease her 24/7 whilst kicking others with different opinions down. There’s so many I love but I aint kissin yer fuckin arse. Ask the closest friend I have - we’re fucking raw and wont just side with each other just because. We’ll call each other out if we think they’ve fucked up and then help each other build themselves up better. Because real fuckin people who actually care wont just want to be adored by you. They’ll care enough to point out your bullshit and help you, even if they upset you at the time. They’re real and upfront with you. People like us arent always the easiest to be close to either because we arent afraid of upsetting someone if it’s in their best interest and to help them. Likewise, we dont go out looking for fights either. Most times, we’re fuckin soft bastards- All this shit listed is the fuckin surface level of the real life hell of this fandom. And unsurprisingly, those who experience little to no toxicity have always been higher on that popularity ‘food chain’ - enough admirers and shared opinions that people wanna arse kiss regardless of their OWN feelings as well as neutral perspectives. I’d say you’re the lucky fans, but you’re not. You’re sheltered, and that isnt always the best way to be sadly. As for the fans. If Ive upset you. Well... I dont care. Because many of you have actively sought me out and weaponised my traumas against me. You never cared about my feelings then. Why should I care about yours? Im not doing this out of malice. Im fed up of humans behaving so pathetically yet claiming to be high and mighty. Most of you have been arseholes to those in and out of the community. The victims and non-victims alike. Hardly any of you considered once my real suffering. You put a drawing over a life. Many lives. You had the audacity to tell me Im full of shit. Some even using my real traumas to make a mockery of me and those Im around with a very similar history. Some with traumatic histories that differ from my own. You hardly ever considered the real lives of those effected. So no, Im not sorry for having the fucking balls to this day to still stand up for our rights and give us a voice that’s long been stolen. Im not sorry for being a fucking victim. Im not sorry for saying what desperately NEEDS voicing. And Im not sorry for not conforming to you or any fandom just to belong. We deserve better than to constantly be your fuckin arse monkeys (well... the trope is butt monkey but yknow-) and to be mistreated, misrepresented and harmed by you. You’re no different to the school bullies who give speeches on anti-bullying day. And I hope every single one of you starts looking into yourselves and improving. PS: Depending on the texts you read, Lucifer is said to have been redeemed or to be redeemed. Fun fact to haunt yalls with~ “

#warning long #long post #hazbin critical #very long rant #important #hear victims voices #just sick of how awful people can treat one another and believe this is acceptable #everyone is accountable #toxic fanbase #Toxic shippers #toxic ships #im literally too fucking old for this #forgive the anger but after years and years it gets so cumbersome and tiring #im happy to be the pariah if it means victims actually get heard and helped

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ty-talks-comics · 4 years

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Best of DC: Week of February 12th, 2020

Best of this Week: Pennyworth R.I.P. One-Shot - James Tynion IV and Various Artists and Colorists

Some people think Dick Grayson is the glue that holds the Batfamily together, some say that it's really Tim Drake, but we all know that it has always been Alfred.

Alfred has been by Bruce's side since the day that Thomas and Martha Wayne were killed in Crime Alley. Alfred raised the boy from a young age and watched as he became a hero that Gotham City could truly be proud of. Alfred even got to see Bruce raise many kids of his own over the years and sas there to pick up the slack when Bruce was too injured, angry or didn't know how to talk to them. Alfred was patient. Alfred was loving. Alfred was amazing and will be sorely missed.

Alfred met his tragic end during the recent City of Bane arc and even after that wrapped up, it still took time for the rest of the family to get together and mourn his passing. Bruce has been trying to cope with it all by throwing himself into his Gotham Renovation Project and various superheroics. Barbara’s been dealing with her own issues in the form of a rogue Oracle. Damian has the Titans, Jason is on the outs with the family and Dick (Ric) doesn’t even really remember Alfred.

In the end, Bane managed to do what he set out to accomplish in the first place: He Broke the Bat.

Not only did he break Batman, he broke the entire family as a whole as shown from the very first shot of this book. Eddy Barrows presents us with a pulled out shot, showing a statue of Alfred in the middle of the new Alfred J. Pennyworth Children’s Hospital - a momentous honor meant to save kids just like Bruce. However, this scene also symbolizes the distance between all of the family. Tynion IV does a great job of scripting their inner thoughts as told by an unseen narrator.

Damian, being the one who was there, feels the weight of his disobedience and sees things as his fault. Tim hearkens back to the time after Jason died and fears for Bruce, knowing the darkness inside of him. Jason was told to NOT come, but Alfred had always treated him right and Barbara feels like she knows how to fix things, but who’s to say that she’s in the right mind to do so either? And Ric… well, Ric doesn’t know why he’s there, but he feels obligated.

Barrows does an amazing job of showing the pain through their forlorn expressions and lowered heads. I assume that Adriano Lucas was the one who colored these scenes because they make excellent use of cold blues to emphasize the sadness of the Family. Barrows also does something that a few artists struggle with in distinguishing each of the boys from each other. They each have distinct hairstyles and facial structures and it’s a nice touch for such a tragic event. Soon after, Tim finds a little dive bar for them to meet in and they each bicker a bit before Bruce arrives for toasts and memories.

This book also does an excellent job of showcasing personal moments that we never see between the kids and Alfred. Beginning with Damian, Chris Burnham draws a flashback to one of the first times that Alfred bails Damian out after he disobeys Batman about going out on patrols. Tynion IV and Burnham capture Damian’s early petulance through his childish pouting superiority complex. We see that Damian loved Alfred because he was willing to be patient with the young boy and Bruce was just getting used to having a trained assassin as a son.

Damian is still widely considered the worst Robin, but that idea has long passed its expiration date as the young lad has grown significantly over the years. In the beginning he could have killed anyone and not felt a lick of remorse for it, but over time, thanks to the softening of Bruce and Alfred, the boy has learned to care and take responsibility for things that weren’t even his fault. He tears up thinking that the rest of the family blamed him for Alfred’s death and regrets that he didn’t do more to stop Bane before leaving the bar.

Tim speaks next and Marcio Takara takes over art for Tim’s flashback. The third Robin is still arguably the smartest, but during a hectic fight with Firefly, he leaves some of his gear and Alfred bails him out by sneaking into the GCPD to retrieve the items. It’s very action packed and does well to show that sometimes Tim loses his cool too, but after the recollection, Tim says that he would step in for Alfred if Batman ASKS him to do so. When Bruce refuses, Tim makes a point that this is exactly like how Bruce was after Jason, but this time he has to pull himself through like an adult before he too leaves.

Tim is usually the Robin that’s touted as being the one who saved Batman during his most destructive period. He’s always been the level headed one, but in recent years he’s been put through the ringer. From being kidnapped by an unseen entity and thought dead for almost a year (Detective Comics, 2017), to fighting an alt-future, villainous version of himself (Detective Comics, 2018) and finally reuniting with his Young Justice friends and dealing with the chaos of that (Young Justice, 2019). Tim is tired and even more so of the darkness that shrouds Bruce and the Family.

Jaybird raises his glass to Alfred next and offers a counter to Tim. He says that maybe Batman would have worked out his issues after Jason’s death if a new kid didn’t swing in and just try to relieve him of the pain. Jason has always been the most extreme of the family, but he’s never been above asking Alfred for help. As a street urchin, Jason doesn’t trust most people, but despite this Alfred always thought to check up on Bruce’s second son and tried to bring him back to the side of the angels. Jason never bit, but he appreciated the effort.

He tells Barbara that he won’t chastise Bruce for how he feels because they’re all in that same spot right now, but he does want Bruce to work towards fixing it. Jason knows better than the rest of them what it feels like to have lost (Heroes in Crisis, 2018), but he also knows what it’s like to be there on the fringes with no one there to help.

Batgirl is often lost in the conversations that usually revolve around the boys, but she shouldn’t be. Barbara’s intellect exceeds that of Tim by a wide margin, but that intelligence also comes with an intuitiveness given to her by her father, James Gordon, as they live in the heart of Gotham. Barbara makes the most logical statement about the general fear swelling in Gotham after Bane’s rise and defeat and the lack of trust in Bat themed heroes given everything that The Batman Who Laughs has done. Bruce’s reconstruction project isn’t helping either as it’s just another shiny coat of paint over a city whose problems run down to its roots.

Babs may not have grown up in the mansion like the boys, but Alfred cared for her just the same, effectively being Batman’s first daughter...niece maybe the better description? David Lafuente does the art for her flashback and it’s a more cutesy style with thick defining lines and lots of faraway shots as we see Alfred and Barbara hiking up a mountain just outside of Gotham City. The actions of Killing Joke absolutely still happened and to celebrate the anniversary of Barbara leaving spine rehab, Alfred wanted to celebrate with a hike and a cupcake.Barbara says that they need Bruce to come back and be the person that they all need him to be before she leaves as well.

Finally, we hear from Ric Grayson. The former Dick Grayson was another victim of Bane’s vendetta, getting shot in the head by the KGBeast in an attempt to further hurt Batman. Aside from his Flying Grayson memories and a few scant ones with Alfred and Bruce, he doesn’t remember his life as Nightwing, with the Titans or the rest of the Batfamily and that probably makes this book harder to swallow. Dick has always been the elder brother to each of them and truly is Batman’s voice of reason after Alfred, but Dick is gone.

So Ric, knowing he needs to step up and say something to get Bruce to help himself, asks him to tell whatever story Dick Grayson might have if he were still around. Bruce then speaks up about a time where Dick found out that Alfred had been leaving flowers at the sight of the Waynes murder to celebrate the anniversary of their marriage where Bruce had been leaving flowers on the anniversary of their deaths. Dick tells Bruce that Alfred always wanted to tell him that their deaths had saved countless lives and even the world at times.

It’s grim and kinda dark, but in the grand scheme of things, Ric is right. Batman has given everything he can to the world under his mission of Justice and that never would have happened if the Waynes survived, just look at Batman: The Gift (Batman #45 - #47, 2018). In that timeline, the Waynes did survive and it was a nightmare world where crime was rampant, Dick was crazed Batman like Flashpoint Thomas Wayne and everything was just wrong. Ric may not have known all of tht, but he did know that Alfred was right and that Bruce needed to be strong for him.

Before Ric leaves, he hangs a picture on the bar wall while Tynion IV and Barrows convey the emotional impact of Ric’s act through four panels without dialogue. Bruce looks at the picture and not only can readers feel the tears swelling up in the corners of their eyes, but we almost feel as if Bruce is as well as he stars upon a picture of the core Batfamily with Alfred as the focus between them.

I’m not gonna lie, I don’t know if I’m emotionally ready to deal with a Batman future without Alfred. He’s always been such a faithful companion and foil to our dour hero and his passing has only made Batman that much darker. The cynic in me knows that DC Won’t keep him dead forever, especially with an incoming Crisis that may undo everything from the last four years of storytelling, but at the same time it might not. I think the idea to kill Alfred was a good one to create awesome moments like it did in this book, but who will take his place?

Could this really be Tim’s time to step away from the masks and go behind the scenes like Oracle did? Could Alfred’s daughter, Julia, see a return since she hasn’t been seen since I think All Star Batman in 2016? Will Lucius Fox actually stay in the position as he’s there now in Detective Comics? Who knows?

All that matters is the life of Alfred and the mark he left on our favorite characters.

Also, support me on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TyTalksComics

#alfred pennyworth #bruce wayne #damian wayne #dick grayson #barbara gordon #tim drake #jason todd #dc comics #james tynion iv #eddy barrows #peter j tomasi #comics #comic review

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fragmentedink-archived · 4 years

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Hell to Pay: Part Thirty

I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, XI, XII, XIII, XIV, XV, XVI, IX, IX, XX, XXI, XXII, XXIII, XIV, XV, XVI, XVII, XVIII, XVIIII

cowritten by @lux-scriptum

A/N: Trigger warning for excess grieve, alcoholism, allusions to self harm and eating disorders, mentions of past suicide

It was closing in on midnight when Cameron decided to burn down his club. The burning blue and white flames reached the night sky and warmed his skin. Zareth was standing next to him with his arms folded over his chest, watching the destruction of his current occupation.

Cameron could tell that Zareth was fighting the urge to say something about this, but Cameron didn’t really care, but despite this, he found himself saying, “Will you just spit it out. I don’t have all night to watch you bite your tongue.”

Zareth somehow relaxed and stiffened up at the same time. “I… I understand why this needs to happen,” he finally said, “But… am I still… employed? Should I be looking for another job, because if so it’s going to be interesting finding someone that is as, uh, well paying.”

“That would be difficult,” Cameron said, drly. “Lucky for you, I have no intention of firing you. Finding competent bartenders who can keep Nik in line when I can’t babysit him is hard to do.”

Zareth finally relaxed all the way. “Thank gods,” he muttered under his breath.

Cameron rolled his eyes. “As long as you don’t abuse my generosity, you’ll keep being employed.” And alive.

Zareth side-eyed him. “You still got that guard locked up in that dungeon of yours?”

“Yep,” Cameron said. “Not done yet.”

“Will you ever be?”

“Doubtful, but we’ll see.”

Zareth snorted softly. “Good.” Zareth’s eyes lingered on Cameron’s frame long enough, Cameron cut him a cold look. “Have you lost a few pounds?”

“And if I have?” Cameron asked, mildly.

Zareth wisely closed his mouth and turned back to the club. The fire was burning so brightly, so wildly, most likely because of the alcohol Cameron hadn’t cared to remove before lighting the place on fire. Despite so much heat coming off the fire, Cameron still felt cold creep over his skin.

They stayed there for hours, watching the club burn to nothing but ash and fading memories before Cameron decided to go home and make sure Nik had made it into bed. He still couldn’t shake the chill from his fingers when he found Nik passed out on the couch, several bottles of alcohol on his glass coffee table and wings spread out around him. It was the first time Cameron had seen those dark red wings in months. The feathers were almost in a disarray from being hidden for so long.

Cameron went to haul Nik up and carry him to bed, silently thankful for angel bones being hollow. He once again peeled the blood and booze drenched clothing off the omega and threw them away before wrapping the idiot up in a blanket so he didn’t catch his death. He seemed to still be cold.

Nik made a small mrhp sound before opening his eyes just enough to look at Cameron before rolling over and promptly passing out again. After a few minutes, Cameron had heard Nik mumble Lev’s name and he tried to not sigh.

Too much of this felt so bone deep familiar and Cameron was trying to ignore the toll it was taking on both his brain and his body. He debated on getting in bed with Nik, but decided to back out of the room and go to the nearest room, but first stopping the nearest sentry and saying, “If Nik wakes up, or if he gets too restless, knock on my door and I will deal with it.”

The sentry nodded, and Cameron moved into Lev’s room, shut the door and began peeling out of his clothes. He stared at the large bed, perfectly made before shifting and climbing up on the mattress and moving to the top of the bed to the pillows. He kneaded the pillows, trying to not shred them and buried himself deep, wrapping his tail around him and closing his eyes.

A shiver jolting down his spine was the last thing Cameron felt before letting sleep pull him under.

----

Silas closed his eyes. Nope, nope, he did not want to be awake. Not that he had much of a choice. He could only sleep through so much of the day before he lost the ability to sleep at all. Which was bullshit, but his option was to accept this, or take the route of getting very very drunk, and he’d never been one to turn to alcohol to solve his problems before, so why start now?

He damn near fell off the bed when someone knocked on the door. Loudly. Two options. Bay, or Ash.

Silas groaned under his breath and rolled to his feet. He pulled on a pair of sweatpants just to be decent before he opened the door. Not Ash, because he had to look down to see Bay standing there.

“Yeah?” he asked. Bay looked utterly done, and the ridiculousness of the whole thing was only magnified by the fact that he was holding Lucas in his arms. “Shouldn’t you be in bed or something? Didn’t they cut you open?”

“You would know this how? You've been in your room for over a week.”

Silas blinked slowly. “I’m not in the mood to get chewed out, Bay. Bad enough I see Dad judging me in the mirror. Don’t need it in front of me too.”

That was the wrong thing to say. Bay’s face closed off, going stony and cold in a heartbeat. “You are not the only person who has lost and grieved family and you are a damned adult who does not have the luxury of burying your head in the sand. You have responsibilities, even if you lost someone. I gave you a week. time to get your shit together.”

“Bold of you to assume I’ve ever grieved before,” Silas said without thinking. He grimaced. “Listen. I- I don’t know- I need more time. I just- I need more time, Bay.”

Guilt pricked at him. Bay looked so damn tired. Lucas seemed unbothered though, giving a little yawn. “You. Have. Responsibilities,” Bay enunciated. “You can multitask like the rest of us.”

Silas didn’t know what to say. Eventually he just sighed. “Yeah, okay,” he finally said, if only because he knew he wasn’t going to win this argument. Bay leveled him a look, one Silas chose not to interpret, and then turned around.

Silas followed him into the kitchen, swallowing his bitter grumbling like the good little soldier he was.

He slumped into a chair, rubbing his face. He grunted at Nate’s greeting, even if he felt bad about it. Nate wasn’t doing anything wrong. He had his hands full, cooking breakfast. The little demon baby they were currently...what, fostering? Whatever. She was happy enough, meat spread across her face and tray as she wiggled away.

After dropping a kiss on Eden’s head, Nate set a plate down in front of Silas. “Food helps.”

Silas had to admit it looked a lot more appealing than the snacks he’d been munching at midnight when no one was up. He scooped up a fork, mumbling a thank you. He shot Eden a look as she started babbling around her fist, a never ending mantra of “Dadadadadadadada,” that was hard to ignore.

“She been doing that all morning?” Silas asked, trying not to be annoyed. She was just a baby, demon or not.

Bay shot him a dry look. “She’s a baby. That’s what they do.”

“Don’t see why anyone would want one.” Silas flushed, glancing at Bay, who was feeding Lucas. “No offense.”

Nate hummed. Bay said, “Do you ever think before you open your mouth, or is it just automatic for you?”

Silas shrugged. “Dad always said I had more mouth than sense. I don’t mean to say shit without thinking. Just pops out.” He drummed his fingers on the table before taking another bite before he said anything else stupid.

“I don’t know how you managed to stay in your room this whole time when you can’t stop moving,” Bay said, looking pointedly at Silas’ fingers.

Silas stilled, looking down. “Sorry,” he said automatically, before adding, “I slept.”

Bay returned his attention to Lucas. Silas took that chance to go back to eating. He had a few minutes of peace to eat his fill (apparently going a week eating nothing but snack foods and whatever leftovers he could scrounge up at midnight wasn’t particularly filling) before Bay’s phone rang. The only reason Silas knew it was Bay’s and not Nates, despite the fact that Nate was the one that pulled it out of his pocket, was the fact that the cover was a distinct green color.

Nate still waited until the fourth ring to bother answering. “Yes?” Nate asked pleasantly as he tricked Eden into taking another bite.In the next moment his face flattened. “What do you want?”

Silas perked up curiously, setting his fork down. It took a special person to make Nate lose his smile. “Who is it?” Silas asked curiously.

Nate’s expression became resigned, and looked to his mate. Bay didn’t even look up, just held his hand out for the phone. Nate passed it over wordlessly, leaving Silas to put together who it was.

Silas sighed, and poked at his plate, rather than ask again.

“What the hell do you want, Cameron? I'm in the middle of feeding your kid.”

Oh. Silas made a face. Eden, for her part, gave an excited shriek, slamming her little hands on the tray like she knew exactly was on the phone, before starting up her little mantra, yelling “Dadadadada,” at the top of her lungs.

Bay listened silently to Cameron, before exchanging a look with Nate. “He’s busy. Helping me.”

What in the world could Cameron need help from Nate for? Silas flicked a look between them, before getting up to put away the dishes.

“I... could go...?” Nate offered.

“Why should you help that bastard?” Silas asked, with more sharpness to his tone than he intended.

Bay’s annoyed expression confirmed Silas had been too hasty to snark. “Silas will be on his way shortly,” Bay said, before hanging up.

“Excuse me?” Silas said flatly. “What makes you think that is a good idea?”

Bay smiled a bit and said, “It is because I said so. Now go get ready. I'm sure you're accustomed to babysitting.”

“Your logic is flawed,” Silas muttered, heading for his bedroom. “And I don’t think Cameron needs babysitting.”

He pretended to not hear how Bay and Nate both snorted at his retreating back. He had to go searching for a clean pair of jeans, but he had far too many t-shirts laying around. He snagged a jacket, deciding to put on his shoes as he went down the hall. By the time he made it to the kitchen, his mood hadn’t improved, but he highly doubted that would change Bay’s mind at all.

“Why exactly am I going over there again?” he grumbled.

“I thought you already knew. You seem to think you know everything since my logic is apparently flawed.”

Silas shot him a look. “You don’t have to be a dick.”

“Pot meet kettle. You're keeping an eye on NIk since Cameron has things to do and Nate is helping me.”

“They’re more of a dick than you are,” Silas complained, even as he grabbed his car keys off the counter.

Bay ignored him, taking care of the fussy baby in his arms. “Thank you,” Nate said.

“Yeah, yeah,” Silas said, and walked out the door.

---

Nik hummed pleasantly while stumbling through the house towards the knocking on the door. He almost fell through it when he opened it, trying to lean against the doorframe. “Well, well,” He said, “Another one of Lev’s ex’s as I live and breathe. Are you wanting the next best thing?”

“Ew.”

“What? Not submissive enough for you?” Nik asked. “Whatever, your loss. I’m sure Cameron is around here somewhere.” Nik turned around and almost walked straight into a wall before making his way to the kitchen. He went for a bottle of tequila, well aware of Silas trailing after him. “So what brings you to my neck of the woods,” he said, working the lid off the bottle. He pressed his back against the counter, mouth quirked to the side as he looked Silas over. “New tats?”

“Babysitting you.” Silas siad, before holding out an arm, showing off the display of new ink. “Almost every day.”

“Babysitting me?” Nik downed a steady drink of the booze, letting it burn on the way down. If he tried hard enough, he could make out two of Silas. Really was unfair how gorgeous SIlas was. Apparently Lev had a type. “I guess Nate’s too busy to come see his lonesome baby brother.” He nearly tripped over the words, but still barely managed to get them into a coherent sentence.

Silas looked uncomfortable. “Maybe you should slow down?” he suggested, trying to steady Nik.

Nik shoved his hand away. “Maybe you should take that edge off,” he countered. “Aren’t you still pining after your murdered ex boyfriend? Stars knows I am. There’s plenty to choose from. I suggest getting something strong and something Cam won’t notice missing.”

“I don’t drink when I feel like shit.”

Nik gave him a mock salute before downing another swig. “And thus you are the better man than I.”

Silas grunted. “You’re as bad as Amara.”

Nik’s brows flicked up and he eyed Silas from head to toe. “Did she peg you, too? She does love putting that strap in men’s asses. And as I understand it, you let Lev put his cock in yours, too.”

Silas snorted. “We haven’t fucked in years, and no, she didn’t peg me.”

Nik smirked. “I guess that does make me the better man then.”

Silas just shook his head, apparently not agreeing with Nik’s assessment. “We were better drinking buddies than fuck buddies.”

“Well,” Nik said. “We were both.” He took another long drink from the bottle before sliding down onto the floor.

“Congratulations,” Silas said, dryly.

Nik dropped his head back against the cupboard doors, blinking tears from his eyes. “And now she hates me. Which, fine. It’s fine. Whatever. It was going to end badly anyway. It always does.”

He could have sworn Silas gave him an odd look. “I doubt she hates you.”

Nik tossed the half empty bottle to the side, letting it roll across the floor, getting tequila everywhere while he pulled his knees up to his chest to drop his head on his arms. He ignored Silas’ sigh and movement to pick up the bottle.

“Wow, they really meant babysitting.”

Nik’s head snapped up so sharply his vision blurred. “Fuck you. I am a damned adult. I don’t need your pity or anyone else's. Just because they all can’t handle me drinking a little doesn’t mean I need my hand held. Apparently I’m the only one that can’t seem to actually hide the fact I have feelings.”

Nik stumbled to his feet after a few tries, nearly smacking his head against the counter. He pushed his way past Silas down to find Cameron. The sentries’ eyes followed after him and Nik smacked a palm against Cam’s office door. “Hey, bastard. You want to tell me why you sent Lev’s ex boyfriend to come babysit me.”

He didn’t give a single damn that Silas followed after him.

The door opened and Cameron stood on the other end, looking unimpressed, but somehow gaunt too. Though, that was probably because Nik was shit faced. “I have things to do,” Cameron said, mildly, “And I don’t have the time to hold your hand.” He flicked a look at Silas over Nik’s head. “I trust you can be competent with my omega.”

Silas made a face. “Not the first drunk I’ve wrangled. Won’t be the last.”

“Hm. For the sake of your kneecaps I do hope that is the truth.”

Nik could almost imagine the way Silas rolled his eyes. “I’ve spent enough time with Amara, and she’s yet to marry the ground despite her apparent love story with it.”

“Difference is,” Cameron said,’ “You break my omega and you can sit next to Sage down in my basement.” Cameron looked to Nik. “Go get in bed,” he ordered. “Sleep your idiocy off.” When Nik didn’t move fast enough for Cameron, Cam said, “Take him to bed.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay.”

---

Just because Silas could take care of drunks didn’t mean he liked it. He somehow got Nik to what he assumed was the right bedroom, though he kept his hands off Nik the whole time, unless Nik was close to face planting. Something told him Nik wouldn’t appreciate it.

“You gonna actually sleep it off?” he asked Nik, standing awkwardly in the doorway.

Nik shuddered into the bedding, curled up on the edge of the bed. Silas didn’t ask, just shuffled into the bedroom and picked the chair at the desk.

Just in time to see Nik start crying.

Oh for fucks sake, Silas thought tiredly. He didn’t have the emotional intelligence to deal with this. This wasn’t his omega, and he didn’t know the right way to deal with this situation. If it’d been Lev, he could have pulled him into his lap, but this wasn’t Lev. Because Lev was fucking dead.

Silas bit back a sigh, and scooted the chair over to the side of the bed. He cleared his throat, and then admitted, “I don’t know how to help.”

It was the voice of a broken man that came from Nik. “I don’t want your help, I want my fucking boyfriend.”

“Don’t we all,” Silas muttered, rubbing his face.

He didn’t expect the alarm clock chucked at his face, and only Nik’s drunken aim and sheer reflex let him catch it.

“No one asked you,” Nik said.

“You’re not the only one that lost him, you know,” Silas shot back. “I’m not gonna pretend to understand Cameron one bit but he did too. And his goddamn family. You don’t have to take it out on everyone around you. It’s no one’s fault but the man who killed him.”

“Are you saying you’re his family? You, who let Remiel have him?”

“Oh, go fuck yourself,” Silas snapped. “I meant his grandmother. His cousins. I wasn’t once talking about me.”

Nik turned to look at him, the gold of his bloodshot eyes contrasting sharply with the dark brown of his pupils. His expression was eerily blank. “Sure you’re not.”

Silas leaned back in his chair. “What do you want me to say? Do you want me to lay out my own grief for you? I’m a little out of practice, but this isn’t the first former lover I’ve lost. I’m sure I can figure it out.”

Nik rolled onto his back, laughing ruefully. “Did your former lover kill herself? Because mine sure did.”

So apparently they were exchanging traumas now. Lovely. “No. My dad sent two into the front lines, declared a third a traitor so he could cast them out, and straight up executed the fouth. Those are the ones that died, at least. The rest got out alive. At least from dear old dad.” No, Lev’s death wasn’t on Silas’ hands. It was someone else’s family that had gotten him killed.

Maybe that was too far. Nik was quiet for a bit, before rubbing his eyes. Silas’ gaze was drawn to his wrists, and a frown twisted on his face, but he didn’t say a damn word. Wasn’t his place. Hell, wasn’t his place to tell Nik off, and he’d already flubbed that.

“I told him I was sorry,” Nik said without warning.

Silas blinked. “What?” He blinked again. “What for?”

Nik rolled to face the opposite wall. “Doesn’t matter. He didn’t believe me, and he left.”

“That doesn’t sound like Lev,” Silas said, mostly to himself, before adding, louder, “Why’d he leave? Last I talked to him he was head over heels. With both of you, and that baby of yours.”

“I made him mad.”

Silas snorted. “Lev doesn’t get mad.” He paused, and then corrected himself. “Didn’t. Didn’t get mad.”

“Yes he does. I made him mad, and he left me.”

“What did you do?” Silas asked, genuinely curious now. “Must have been something big, because I’ve never seen Lev angry before.”

Nik’s “I don’t know,” was a pathetic, broken sound, and then he started to shake with sobs.

This time Silas couldn’t stop his sigh. He leaned over, hesitantly brushing his hand through Nik’s hair. “I don’t think he was mad at you. Knowing Lev, he was scared of something.”

That didn’t stop Nik from crying, though he did seem to ease up a bit, curling in on himself as Silas awkwardly pet his hair. Silas swallowed around the lump in his throat, and tried for a light tone.

“It wasn’t your fault. And it’s not likely Lev was angry with you. I know- knew him well. He doesn’t get mad. He gets scared, and he goes to find somewhere he can curl up and feel safe for a little while.”

Nik mumbled, “I didn’t make him feel safe.”

Silas gave an unsteady laugh. “No one could, sometimes. Not me, not Amara, not his grandmother. He had issues, and I don’t care how well he was doing with you both, they were bound to come back around eventually.”

Nik didn’t even respond. After several minutes, Silas realized he’d cried himself to sleep. Only then did he pull back, slumping in the chair, and wiping his eyes. The fuck did he do to deserve this?

---

Cameron had stuck around just long enough to make sure that Nik had fallen asleep before starting for Bay’s house. He folded Nik and Silas’ exchange and put it in the corner of his mind while he went to knock on Bay’s door. Eventually Nate answered it, face resigned. “Your baby is in the kitchen.”

Cameron didn’t bother responding and shouldered his way past and went for the kitchen. Eden perked up, hands smacking the highchair tray as she gave him a sharp squeal. The little terror started bouncing in her seat, her “dadadadadadada” grating on Cameron’s nerves. But he still went to pick her up despite her incessant wiggling in his arms.

“See, she’s not dead,” Bay said, dryly. “Even followed your schedule so you wouldn’t bitch at us about it.”

Cameron ignored him and pressed his lips to the top of Eden’s head, inhaling her scent. It was mixed with the faint smell of lavender shampoo. “You need out of these gaudy clothes,” Cameron said, completely ignoring his idiot brother’s remark.

“Those are the clothes you gave us,” Nate said, from the doorway.

Cameron shouldered his way past the angel and down the hallway to the nursery where he made quick work of changing the wiggling baby demon out of the pastel outfit and into something far more palatable. Eden squealed loudly when Cameron picked her up again, her incessant ‘dadadadada’ annoying him to the point he lodged a pacifier in her mouth. “Shush,” he hissed against her ear.

Eden giggled at him around it. But when Cameron had gone to settle into the rocking chair, Eden was already suckling at it and was melted against his chest. He ran his fingers down her back absently, feeling her ribs, her skin, her breathing. He stayed in the nursery, relishing the quiet until she was deep asleep. Cameron was jerked back into focus so he could put her back in her crib. Not a second later, Nate appeared in the doorway. Face drawn, Nate said, “Everything okay?”

“It is now that she’s in decent clothes,” Cameron said, walking around him. “Does no one in this house have decent taste.”

“You gave us those clothes,” Nate said, flatly. “They’re from your house. Maybe get a snack and you’ll calm down.”

Cameron halted to a stop and looked over his shoulder at him. “I am being perfectly calm,” he said, coolly.

Nate leveled him a long, far too knowing look, but elected to drop it and just followed Cameron back to the kitchen where Nate sat a plate of food right in front of him. Cameron looked at it and then pushed it to the side before looking to his brother. Bay was already looking at him, with a far too old look. “How long are we keeping her?” he asked. “I assume until the threat is resolved?”

Cameron drummed his fingers against the counter and thought about it. “Until I decide to bring her back,” he finally said. “I don’t want her anywhere near Nik right now.”

Both Bay and Nate were gauging him with long looks before wisely dropping this current line of conversation. Bay looked at Cameron’s untouched plate before pulling it over to himself. “If you’re going to waste food, then I’ll eat it since Ash cannot be found.”

Nate nipped at Bay’s shoulder, only to get a gentle face-push to back away. Nate sulked, but not before placing a kiss to Lucas’ head and a quick kiss to Bay’s cheek and scurrying to the opposite side of the counter. Cameron felt vaguely disgusted. “I’m going to leave, I think.”

Nate hummed. “You know where the door is.”

Cameron ignored his quip and found his way to the car before going to meet with contractors about wiping clean the slate and rebuilding his club from the ground up, wiping traces of blood and ruin and beginning anew.

tagging: @idreamonpaper @incandescent-creativity @solangelo3088 @halstudies @alittleyellowdinosaur @mis-lil-red

#writeblr #writers on tumblr #hell to pay #cameron and nik and lev #ch: cameron #ch: nik #lev

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